#i dont normally draw things like this so please be gentle

[k8katdoodles]

Stolen Heart ❤️

[writtengalaxies]

hi there! request incoming <3

since im a major dark enjoyer, could be get HCs about his relationship with the ghost!DA specifically? (intended to be romantic but its fully fine w platonic as well ^^!!)

heres a few crumbs for thought that are on my mind:

- would he, (assuming damien was together w DA) want a relationship with them, considering.. well.. everything?

- what'd he do if ghost!DA wanted to pursue a relationship/frienship with *him*?

- how soft is he for ghost!DA? what special s/o / close friend privilidges would they get that others dont?

- assuming the mirror is like a 2nd, but worse, home for the DA, where would he put it/what'd he do with it? i'd assume he really dislikes it but hey, DA's gotta sleep *somewhere*. cant sleep in the bathroom mirror every night yk?

i really hope im doing this whole request thing right, please do correct me if i goofed smth up ^^!!! good night <3

Oh ho ho, yeeeeees. It's all good! I can take pretty much anything as a request and make it work. :3

So now...the headcanons!

I personally like to think that Damien really wanted a relationship with the DA or had just started a new one with them when WKM happened. (Which...honestly...is just so delicious for angst. The pain of something so new or so close, and all that happens? *chef kiss*)

Knowing that the DA is...well, not alive, but around? It pulls all those old feelings up to the surface. Makes them new and raw again. It aches, makes is dead heart beat again.

He'd want to be with them. Let them draw the lines of what that means, but Dark just...misses them in a way that hurts, in a way he didn't think he could still feel. And he's honestly surprised they don't hate him for what he's done to them.

But them, reaching out, speaking quietly into the night air about still loving him, despite all that's happened, finally voicing words they were too scared to say. He'd be floored. It would be slow, them both trying to learn how to be again, how to adjust to who they are now.

Dark hides it from the others, obviously, because no one needs to know the big scary eldritch monster of a man with a temper that will burn eternal...is a big old romantic softie.

All the old pet names come back, the gentle way he calls them little monster the first time, and then winces. How he explains that truly, he's the monster for what he's done to them. And them gently helping him pick up all the pieces he's had to chip off of himself to survive. They get to be the one to see him smile softly, in a way that's like the old mayor. They get to hear the soft laughter, not the mocking ringing sound. They get to see him at his least composed.

And Dark wishes for nothing more than to be able to lift their hand to his lips like he used to, but...it almost tore him apart when he reached for their hand, and his passed through theirs.

The old mirror from the manor, shattered and cracked, sits behind his chair in his office, overlooking his desk. Neither of them truly need to sleep, maintaining the habits of a normal person as a way to hold onto those remnants of the past. They move between mirrors, following him through the house during those routines. 

And if maybe, sometimes, someone walks into the kitchen at 3 AM, they'll find Dark smiling softly at a figure that's not quite all there. But...that can't be anything more than a weird dream, right?

[ttaehyxng]

Deprave │ KTH (M)

↞Descent │↞Desire

Series Masterlist

Summary: Taehyung is your drug, quickly working his way into your system and intoxicating you until you can't live without him.

A/N: Thank you for all the love on the previous parts!! If you enjoy this please reblog and send feedback!!!

Tag list: @fingers-crossed-07 @yourtmblrgirlfriend @teekook @lcmoncxke @ageneralweirdo @everrrlasting Enjoy!!!!!!

Word count: 5k

Yandere! Artist! Taehyung x Naïve! Fem! Reader

This story is 18+ and contains triggering themes including but not limited to: romanticism of yandere behavior, obsessive ideation, kidnapping, heavy manipulation, name calling, descriptions of child neglect, depictions of violence, familial abuse, ptsd, murder (self defense-kth's father is a pos), trauma bonding, description of a panic attack. If you are sensitive to these themes do not read.

Other tags: porn with plot, hyyh au!, crime family ot7 au!, soft yandere, oral, y/n squirts dont @ me, lots of introspection, codependency

I do not condone the actions in this work of fiction!

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

You too are hot. That's all you feel as you wake up, bare flesh sticking against Taehyungs, cheek resting on his bicep, facing him. Taehyung is also hot, the thought makes you smile as you study his sleeping face. He is laying on his stomach, back exposed to you with his face turned in your direction. His hair is messy, pieces sticking in every direction. His mouth is open slightly, snoring softly, worn out from the night before. You blush thinking back to everything he said to you, and how good it made you feel. Everything that you'd done together had been better than anything you could've imagined.

Your eyebrows draw together as you notice scars on his back that you had missed in the few days you'd been together. There are fresh pink scratches that you had left behind but also small, pale circles and slashes- rough, healed over skin- scattered throughout his back. You can only assume the marks were from his father. It was hard to imagine that anyone would ever want to hurt Taehyung, let alone put out cigarettes on him. The more you thought about Taehyung taking the brunt of his fathers abuse to protect his mom and sister, the more your throat started to feel tight. He had a heart of gold and you really hoped that his dad got what he deserved. Nevertheless, it seemed like Tae had to have worked on himself a great deal to become such a well rounded person.

You never would've thought that someone so successful and handsome would care about you in any way. You tried not to give into self deprecating thoughts but you couldn't help but compare yourself to him. He had an amazing personality, being gentle but charming at the same time. He was insanely handsome. He just didn't seem like someone on your level, a paralegal, living paycheck to paycheck in a studio apartment. You were boring, the most exciting thing you'd done in the past month was rescue a stray cat. As much as you tried to be exceptional you always fell short, always being stuck in the monotony of your life. It seemed too good to be true. You hoped last night hadn't been part of a cruel ploy to just use you to pass the time in captivity. Your chest tightens at that thought, feeling guilty for doubting him. Taehyung wasn't the type of guy to play with someone's heart like that.

You think back to his words from last night. 'Even before now I admired how diligent, empathetic, and caring you are.' It warms your heart knowing that he thought about you too before you were in this situation together.  In another timeline maybe you would've been together eventually, this was just the push you both needed to let the feelings bloom. You almost don't want things to return to normal. It was nice to just rest all day, not worrying about work and spending time with someone who adores you. Maybe this isn't so bad, I could get used to this. You roll your eyes at your musings. You're being held against your will right now, get a hold of yourself. This isn't some getaway where you escape the real world with your lover, it's dangerous. The scent of the chloroform was something that you needed to remember, the people holding you could do whatever they wanted to you. Various worst case scenarios begin swimming in your mind, thoughts of true crime cases you'd vaguely heard about popping up. You need to get out soon, fearing the worst for yourself even though you were finding yourself growing comfortable in this confined space.

Small places had a coziness that you had been drawn to all your life. Spaces where most people would complain of being too cramped. When you were small you'd sneak your way into your parents closet and hide behind the clothes hanging up, using a little book light and reading for hours and hours until you heard them call for you, finally noticing your absence. In many ways you were in the same place, hiding from the world, waiting for someone to notice your absence. Thinking back, your parents probably should've kept a better eye on you, it always took them way too long to realize you were gone. You wished you could just count on your parents to come to your rescue, surely they'd notice your absence eventually? Or would they just brush it off thinking that you are too busy to call. You weren't about to get your hopes up that they'd come to your rescue.

Maybe Taehyung would be able to convince Namjoon to let you go, satisfied with only keeping Taehyung captive. Your heart sinks at the thought of Taehyung sacrificing his freedom for you. If you were going to get out it had to be together, you'd live the rest of your life with regret if you didn't. There had to be another way to get you both out.

If you both got sick Namjoon wouldn't want you both to die, maybe you could fake a severe stomach bug and escape when they bring you to the hospital? He could just bring his own doctor to check on you, or have someone escort you both every step of the way. There were so many factors, making your jaw clench in concentration.

Taehyung working things out with Namjoon would probably be your best bet. You could stay in the closet- comfortable in your isolation together for a few more days- it wouldn't hurt. If anything happened that made you actively worried about your safety you could always cross that bridge then. There was no use working yourself up since your captor hadn't disturbed you during your stay so far.

Too wrapped up in your thoughts you don't notice Taehyung's snoring stop, a small smile forming on his face.

"Having fun watching me sleep, princess?" He says with his eyes still closed, his gravely morning voice knocking you out of your reverie. "Cause I can keep pretending if this is what does it for you."

You choke on your own words, mouth still dry and voice a little hoarse.

"I was not, I was just zoned out! I just happened to be zoning out on your face," you chuckle, cheeks warming up in embarrassment. He opens his eyes and cups your cheek, bringing you in for a gentle kiss. You hadn't really noticed last night but his lips are so soft, molding perfectly into yours.

"You can zone out on my face anytime sweetheart," he whispers, not wanting to pop the bubble of morning time intimacy formed between the two of you. You think of how you must look right now, messy is the best case scenario. You probably had morning breath, tangled hair, and swollen eyes from crying last night but he still looked at you like you were the sun his universe revolves around. A soft smile graces your lips.

"You promise?"

"Of course."

He pushes his arms under your back, rolling you under him as he makes space for himself between your legs, littering your face and neck with soft kisses, tickling you in the process. You half-heartedly struggle, giggling under his touch, caged by his arms. You catch his lips with your own, smiling into the kiss, thoughts and concerns about your parents and escaping being moved to the back burner. This felt too good to ruin with your worries that could wait. You reach over his shoulders and weave your fingers into his silky hair, keeping him in your embrace. Your legs open to accommodate him, wrapping around his hips as he rests part of his body weight on you.

"Be careful baby, I might get too comfortable and want to stay like this all day," he growls, nipping at your neck with a little bit of force, reminding you of the lovebites and bruises left from the night before. "Or is that what my little slut wants?"

Goosebumps run through your body as his breath hits the shell of your rear. A breathy whine escapes your lips, your hips reflexively bucking against him. This just eggs him on further, grinding agonizingly slow against your heat. His deft hands make their way to your plump chest, rolling your nipples between his digits. The mix of pleasure and pain only caused you to feel needier, trying to press yourself closer to him.

"P-please Tae," you cry, seeking more friction but not getting enough to satisfy your need.

"What do you need princess? Use your words," he slows his pace to a near stop as he teases you. Your head is growing foggy with arousal.

"Need you, I need you so bad, please-" you just wanted him to touch you again, it felt like he was a drug that you were going through withdraws from. He pulls away from your neck and gives you a quick kiss on the lips, pulling away after to check in with eye contact.

"It's okay baby, I'm gonna make you feel good. Is it okay if I taste your needy little pussy?" Your eyes flick from his to his full lips, imagination running wild at the thought of him eating you out. You nod your head quickly, the only thing you can voice is a hum in approval. He looks like a man starved as he descends down your body, stopping momentarily to suck on your nipples softly. All of your soft noises encourage him further as he gives each some attention, pulling off with a pop and looking at them with hazy, blown out eyes.

"You're so fucking beautiful, I can't believe how lucky I am."

Growing impatient, Taehyung grips your legs and buries his head between them, needing to taste your nectar from the source. He eats you out like a man starved, tongue flat against you, pressing firmly as he laps up all your gathered essence from your slit to your clit. His mouth is so hot and soft, sucking on your clit as you writhe under him. You've never felt anything like this, the vibrator you used and your fingers were no comparison to this man depraved. It takes him an embarrassingly short amount of time to pull an orgasm from you but he doesn't stop there, keeping you trapped in the euphoria of your high as he continues his assault. His nails bite the soft skin of your thighs as he readjusts his position, holding your legs open as he focuses on overstimulating you. You struggle to stay still, your reflexes causing you to try and close your legs around him and push him away. You want to be still for him but it's so hard when his mouth is driving you crazy. Nails digging into your palms as your fists clench in the sheets, trying your hardest to keep your lower half from fighting him.

"I know you're doing your best baby but you need to hold still for me, I'm still hungry for you and I'm not gonna stop till you give me one more," he pries your legs apart, spanking your pussy lightly. "You can do one more, baby, be a good girl for me."

The need to be good for him washes over you, filling you with the strength you need to resist your instincts to fight him off. You nod, whimpering, unable to form coherent thoughts other than needing to obey him. You squeeze your eyes shut again, gripping your own thighs to hold them open, knuckles going white. With his newly free hands he adds his two middle fingers inside you to overwhelm you further. It was all too much, his fingers pumping with a gentle but consistent pace combined with his mouth on your clit has you seeing stars. You panic as a familiar warm feeling settles in your core, tapping Taehyung's arm.

"Taehyung it feels like I'm gonna pee stop-"

"Shhh no you're not, it's okay just let go for me," he soothes in his sweet, condescending tone. The pace of his fingers speed up, building the feeling inside you until it comes to a peak, pulling his fingers out as you violently squirt. Not wanting any of your cum to go to waste he dives his mouth back onto your slit, lapping up everything you had to offer him. Once you're thoroughly fucked out he finally lets up, giving your clit one last kiss, smirking at your full body shiver from the aftershocks of the most intense orgasm you'd ever had. Your eyes are blurry from squeezing them shut so tight, your body feels like static in the best way, legs sore as you stretch them back out from their previous position. Taehyung eyes you, wiggling his eyebrows, clearly feeling confident in his skills. He moves back up to your level, kissing you passionately-letting you taste yourself on him- before cuddling into you, content.

You wonder if every morning could be like this, waking up with someone who makes your heart swell so much you thought it might burst. Without thinking you utter "I love-" cutting yourself off before you finish that thought out loud. You didn't want to guilt him into repeating the same back to you, afraid of hurting you.

He never misses anything, pulling back to look you in the eyes.

"What was that?" He says, tone more serious than you were used to, head tilted to the side.

"I love this, that's what I was saying," you brush him off, looking away from his intense eye contact. Displeased with you looking away he guides your chin back to facing him.

"Look at me princess," he warns, eyebrows drawing together. "Do you remember what I told you last night? You don't have to hide your feelings from me. I want it all, your ups, your downs, everything. Are you sure that's what you meant?"

Do you love him? You know it should be too soon to feel this strongly about someone but you can't deny that he was now part of your heart. It was hard to deny the deep affection you held for him, and you didn't really want to be away from him anytime soon. Every new thing he shared about himself, every song he hums to himself, every piece of art he creates, everything he did amazed you in some way. 

Should you tell him right now? You didn't want to scare him off, thoughts of him pulling away after made you worry. But if he didn't feel the same, why would he have checked with you? If he didn't love you too he could've ignored it, right? He looked almost disappointed when you brushed him off, that had to mean something. Convinced in your line of reasoning you decide to take a leap of faith in him. 

"I love you, I'm sorry," you stutter out, eyes focusing on the mole above his lip. "I know it's too soon and I probably sound like some lovesick virgin but I think I love you. I just didn't want to say that because I don't want you to pity me and say it back before you feel the same way. You just make me feel better than anyone I've ever met and I'm bad at keeping my mouth shut."

He lets you finish, eyebrows relaxing as his demeanor turns back to warm and comforting. He gives you a moment to look back into his eyes before he replies.

"I love you too, and I'm not saying that for any other reason than it being the truth. I know I said last night that we didn't have to put a label on what we have but if you feel the same way about me I don't see a reason not to. I love you, I love you, I love you. If you want me to keep saying it until you're convinced I'm not just pitying you I will."

You feel like all the oxygen in the room has been taken away. His eyes didn't waver, he didn't stutter, everything that he said appeared to be the whole truth. This was the first time you had said those three words to someone romantically to be met with the same energy. So used to the awkward rejections, or worse, the forced 'I love you's you weren't prepared for what Taehyung had given you. Total and complete acceptance and love. You can't stop the tears from falling.

"Really?" you're able to get out in between hiccups.

"Really really, I promise," he trades your positions, pulling you on top of him while he shushes your cries, humming softly while pushing your hair behind your ear and playing with it while you calm down. "I'm sorry it seems so far-fetched that I'd love you, it's honestly hard not too, you're the best."  The soothing feeling of his hands in your hair and his quiet song, making his chest vibrate comforted you.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Moments like these make Taehyung regret lying to you the most. His love was real, he'd always been genuine with his feelings for you, maybe holding back a bit. Still, he felt guilty for deceiving you, knowing that if you ever found out the truth your faith in him could be shaken. If only you had been able to see how the world was infecting you, dimming your light.  He wished that you would've come to him before any of the lies and deceit and asked him to sweep you away and rescue you from the cruel world. Before now that notion would've never even crossed your mind. He knew the lies would be worth it. To you he used to only be a passing neighbor and Taehyung knew you'd never make a move to change that. He still knew that lying to you was wrong, and he hoped that eventually you'd see things his way on your own. You didn't need anyone else but him, he'd love you more than enough to make up for anyone else's meager attempts at loving you. It was so easy with you, you were just so receptive to his love it was like you knew deep down that you were his.

He'd show you the real world, pulling off the blinders that you had on throughout your day to day life. If you could see how little your friends cared about you you'd understand. He'd expose them, he'd already had all of their information, their social media, addresses, access to their phone records. It'd be as simple as letting you read through one of their group chats which conveniently excluded you. There were multiple instances of them gossiping about you and betraying your trust. That would disappoint you but it wouldn't be enough. All the plans that they made as a group week after week, without even thinking about inviting you would be what finally plants the seed of resentment inside you.

Your family was a different story, you seemed much more willing to accept your family's mistreatment. Checking the phone logs of outgoing and incoming calls and texts made it obvious that you were pulling most of the weight in your relationships. You didnt talk to many of your relatives, the only people you contacted regularly were your parents. Going back through your text conversations over the years Taehyung could piece together how your parents treated you. To him it felt like your parents had just given up after you went to college, maybe even before then. They pulled away checking in less and less, maybe to save the pain of having an empty nest or it was just easier after you were independent. They never offered to help you through school, acting like getting the scholarships you'd worked tirelessly for were easy to come by. The second you turned 18 it was like you were a fully developed adult in their eyes and they were eager for you to get out of their hair. They converted your room into an office space only days after you had moved away, solidifying the fact that you wouldn't be welcome to return home if you ever needed to. They even sent you pictures, proud of all the hard work they'd put in erasing your existence from their life like it was supposed to make you happy. For some years it seemed like you had pulled away too, but after a health scare your father went through a couple years ago, you made more of an effort to reach out. Even in an emergency they wouldn't treat you with respect, demanding that you drop everything in your life to come help take care of your father. It didn't matter that you had appointments with advisors or that the cost of last minute travel would be exorbitant. Out of guilt and the fear of losing your parents you obliged, further cementing your innate belief that their needs came before your own. 

When you had your own emergency -a burst appendix- you had called and texted them over and over without either of them answering. You were fine after an emergency surgery but you were without support. Once they finally returned your calls -they had been at dinner together- they didn't see a reason to make the trip to see you since you were alive and stable. Back when he poured over your text conversation during this time Taehyung was dumbfounded and enraged that anyone could be so horrible to you. If he had been in your life he would've done anything, no matter how hard, to be by your side. 

He did some further digging into your parents, wanting to find something that would make you have no choice but to cut ties with them. Through Hoseok's connections he was able to get a copy of their current will and testament and he knew that it would be the key. They weren't planning on leaving anything of value to you, their life insurance benefactors were their lesser off siblings-your aunts and uncles- they'd be leaving you with their vehicles and their possessions. They had no property because they rented the home they lived in so if anything happened to both of them you'd get stuck with finding a home for all their belongings and the chore of selling two cars since you already had your own. Hopefully that would be your last straw.

Eventually he'd find a way to show you the true character of your loved ones, it just had to be done carefully. He'd given Namjoon all of the information so that if there was ever a good moment to show you he could do it for him, that would save him some of the headache. 

At least he could rest knowing that you'd fallen for him, the sight of your eyes shining with joy unmistakable. Now his goal was to break you down so that you couldn't live without him. The sound of the metal door opening and two trays of breakfast being slid inside your cell breaks Taehyung from his train of thought.

"C'mon angel we need to eat, I can't have you passing out on me," he moves to sit up, chuckling at the whine you let out from having your rest disturbed. You sit up too, pouting a little as he moves away from you off the bed. He stretches out his sore muscles, giving you a nice view as he retrieves your respective meals.

After breakfast you take a shower together, deciding to plan out how you'd get out together after. Taehyung had a way of easing your fears and soothing anxiety that you'd built up inside that you didn't quite understand yet. You knew that talking out your ideas with him would be for the best.

Now that you'd confessed your feelings it was much harder for you to focus on something besides each other. Every time he touched you your heart leapt,, even just light kisses pressed against your forehead. As much as you didn't want to admit it, it felt good to be in here and subconsciously you caught yourself avoiding the subject of escape. You begin to admire every part of Taehyung during the shower. The water dripped down his back. Droplets clinging to his hair. His strong hands as he washes his body diligently, quiet, in his own world.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

His father had been belligerent, screaming in his face after coming home with the stench of liquor hanging on his breath.

He didn't mean to.

He couldn't stop himself.

He didn't have a choice.

When his mother tried to defend him she was pushed away, slamming into the wall with a solid crack, the noise sending Taehyung into a frenzy. His father threw him to the ground as well, turning around to face his sister, cowering in the corner. The bright green of the broken soju bottle a few feet away was the only thing he saw, bile rising in his throat as he urgently crawled towards it.

He couldn't hear anything else besides his fathers voice ringing in his ears.

'You're a piece of shit. You never should've been born. The world would be better off without a shithead punk like you.'

Time stopped. Adrenaline filled his body with the strength to stand, the bottle neck tight in his grip. The bottle pierced his father's stomach so much easier than Taehyung had imagined. The blood was so wet and hot and unyielding.

He couldn't stop there, if he did his family wouldn't ever be safe

He dug the bottle deeper, remembering all the times his father had made him or his family keel over in pain or cower in fear. The bastard stopped his rampage, turning to face his son in shock. He lunged toward Taehyung, hands moving to the boy's throat to try and defend himself.

Its kill or be killed.

Taehyung had the upper hand, beating his father to his own throat, dropping the bottle and squeezing the elders neck as hard as he could. He barely registered his own blood soaked hands making it difficult to get a good grip .

It felt like hours waiting for him to stop struggling, body finally giving out and sagging against him.

Taehyung was finally strong enough to stop him, finally able to save his family.

He came to his senses enough to notice his mother's screaming and sisters sobbing once the ringing in his ears stopped. It felt like he was hearing them from underwater. The sound was muffled like when he would submerge his head below during a bath to drown out the sound of his parents arguing.

He was numb as he moved to their bathroom, running hot water over his hands, the blood mixing with the water, tainting what was once clean. He looked down at his clothes -blood making them stick to his flesh- growing sick to his stomach. The shirt he wore, now stained red used to be white. He shrugged off the clothing and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water wash away his sins. The water was so hot, burning his skin, washing away the crimson evidence of his accident.

That's all it was, an accident.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Static filled Taehyung's ears but he knew someone was calling for him. Someone important.

"▓▓▓▓!" he couldn't tell what they were saying but it sounded urgent.

"Taehyung!"

He feels the fog wash away as his eyes focus on yours, water still pouring over you both. Your eyes are watery and panicked. Your nails scratched at his forearms as his hands tighten against your delicate throat the same way they had many years ago. Recognition consumes him as he releases you, a wave of panic and guilt hitting him like a brick wall. He can tell that you're confused and scared, tears streaming down your face as your legs give out under you. He can't stop tears of his own, collapsing in front of you, mind racing, trying to think of ways to atone for what he'd done.

"Fuck- I'm so sorry y/n baby, I don't know what happened. I'm sorry- what did I do?" His question falls on deaf ears as you heave, trying to fill your lungs with oxygen as quickly as you could. "I-I-I don't know what just happened, it was like- like I was back at home with my father and I- I I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you so much I never wanted to hurt you y/n."

You don't know what to do with yourself, you feel so exposed, confused, and scared. Your neck is sore but luckily he regained composure quickly, you hadn't been deprived of oxygen for too long.

Taehyung looks just as confused as you are and despite what just happened you feel your heart break for him. He is crying harder than you'd ever seen before, panic filling his frame as he rushes to the toilet, throwing up from the shock, dry heaving after his stomach was empty. He kept apologizing, over and over, shaking from fear of what he'd done to you. You knew this had to be a trauma response or something similar, he wouldn't hurt you if he was in his right mind. You knew that. You decide to trust your heart and move toward him, crawling on your knees to the corner of the shower where he was holding himself, trying and failing to calm down.

"Hey hey hey, look at me," you speak softly, trying to soothe his panic attack as gently as you knew how. "I'm okay-I'm okay, I promise baby."

"Fuck fuck I'm so sor-" he can't stop another hiccupping sob from his body, looking even more confused as you shush his cries. "Wh- why- why are you over here? I hur-hurt you."

"I'm okay, I know you didn't mean it," you try your best not to sound too hoarse, fresh tears pricking at your eyes as you see how broken and vulnerable the man you loved looked right now. He looks like he is going to reach for you but he holds himself back.

"Ca-can I touch you?" he asks, eyes pleading for your comfort and warmth. You nod and scoot closer so he can wrap you in his embrace, squeezing you delicately but firmly, rocking you both back and forth. You stay like that for a while, letting your breathing regulate together and your heart rates slow. Once his breathing slows down he pulls away from you just enough to inspect your neck. There wasn't too much damage, the skin was pink there weren't any visible bruises besides the ones he knew were from the night before.

"What happened?" he asks, eyes pleading for your honesty.

"I don't know, you were zoned out for a few minutes then I tried to get your attention and that's when it happened," you explain, your voice full of understanding. "I don't know what you've been through but I know you and I know you'd never hurt me, that's why I'm not scared of you right now."

"This will never happen again, I promise you," he is once again amazed at you, your kindness and compassion holding no bounds even though he didn't deserve it. He never wanted to hurt you again, the thought of it hurt him tenfold. "God I don't deserve you at all do I angel?"

"I think everyone deserves a bit of grace and understanding, you've been through a lot haven't you?" you work your fingers through his still damp hair, adrenaline starting to wear off as you start to feel the soreness in your neck. Logically you knew you should be scared of him but you couldn't find it in yourself to be. He had shown you the most raw, vulnerable parts of himself and that made you feel special, you would be his safe space.

"Y-yeah, that's true but if I ever do that again I don't even-"

"You won't do it again, I know you won't, repeat it back to me" you interrupt before he can start to talk himself into a corner.

"I won't do it again," he repeats, maintaining eye contact with you.

"It was an accident."

"It was an accident."

"Good, you can't go there Tae, it'll be really hard to get yourself out," you say gently, nuzzling into the crook of his neck, kissing the skin softly.

"Thank you baby, I love you so much," you feel tears falling from his cheeks to your own. "How'd I get so lucky, huh?"

"I don't know, but I'm happy you did."

A/N: Part 4- Despise Coming Soon! Thank you so much for reading!!!!! Sorry it took a hot second to come out but its all done!!! Reply if you want to be on the tag list!

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

[rxttenfish]

hi !!! sending this on anon because i am rather nervous all things considered <:3 (i am lying to you, i have not considered 'all things'.) one monster prom fan to another (can we be compared using such broad terminology ? i feel as if i am domesticated compared to you... [compliment, or at the very least not inherently negative]) , i wanted to thank you SO SO SO VERY MUCH for giving miranda so much love and thought and mulling her over in your mind in such a ... refreshing way

i also really really really like miri , but i can only aspire to have your level of dedication . it feels almost like we are of totally different worlds... !!!!!

thank you for bringing in real world biology too :3 i absolutely adore your design for her so much (this is most likely not proper grammar, but it is very late and i am very cold and so i will hope with all my heart you will excuse this mistake. one of many, i should assume) - though !!!! i do have a question if that is alright ?????

i cant say that a marine macropredator of a significantly vibrant pink really strikes me as advantageous colouring - does the abyssal environment that you say the merfolk live in negate the need for camouflage and such ????? i apologise for sounding passive aggressive !!!! i am merely asking a question. cocking my head to the side if you will

additionally, i would like to ask something foolish. how do they acquire food? i dont want to say 'hunt', because that might seem insulting. historically were they built for stalking, or high speed chases, or...???? please, talk 'nerdy to me' as they say !!! <- in an entirely normal way befitting two strangers of course.

you know, i would have expected to hit the ask word limit by now. but it seems i have not. yippee !!!!

with my extra space, i shall add this: I ABSOLUTELY ADORE THE WAY YOIU WRITE MIRI . GOOD LOOOOOORD IT IS AMAZING HAVIJNG SOMEOENE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEYRE DOING IWIITH HER thank yoiu for making her at least moderately intelligent. i feel blessed <- is this all too harsh sounding???? im a little new to all this letter/ask-writing thing <:3

IN ANY CASE !!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOIU SO VERY MUCH. AGAIN. drops this and scuttles away

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/761693443676045363/1183251697129226270/ordered3.png

also i believe you can indeed tell, but i drew that in ms paint with my finger .. sorry that it looks like poop <:3

(moving the image out of the link just in case it breaks-)

AAAAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!! this looks so WONDERFUL i love the way that you've shaped her head and how you've captured how Chunky it is... i know its one of the things people have the hardest time drawing with her so its just all the more impressive how well youve managed to capture her!!!

i also love the little doodles eeeee..... please feel free to toss all ocs at miri, its enrichment for her <3 ironically gentle chewing/biting is a Play and Bonding thing for merfolk so she shall happily Bites Bites Bites back-

(also i LOVE her smile!!! you arent anthropomorphizing in the slightest for that - miri often does have very human expressions in a way that's odd for a merfolk, because she effectively got imprinted during her time spent inland... and its politically useful if you smile and match expressions with the people you're trying to work with anyways)

ill also go ahead and answer your questions because i can! very easily clarify on them!

the color: actually, being bright red and pink is actually very common for deep sea animals, due to the way light works at depth! its why i decided miranda was abyssal, because that felt like the most natural way to explain why she's pink, since it's such an uncommon color in nature.

basically, different colors of light have different lengths! red is the shortest wavelength of light, and blue is the longest. water might be clear, but there's a lot of water in the ocean, and the more water you add, the more it filters out light - which is why the bottom of a pool might be dark and shady, but if you hold a little of the water in your hands there's no shade. the ocean is a lot deeper than a pool, and so it gets darker as you go down, but because it's also clear, it doesn't filter out all that light at the same rate.

red, being the shortest wavelength of light, gets filtered out first, so red often gets quickly darker the deeper down you go, until it's completely black! camouflage is dependent on the environment, so their color and brightness has to match the background, but it also depends on the light that's hitting the animal. it's why fawns have dappled spots, or animals might have black stripes, so they can mimic the light of their environment. and when your environment has no red light, well... red's a pretty good color to be!

because of this, a lot of animals in the deep sea can't actually see red either, which is doubly the reason why you might want to be red! think of it like tigers, and how ungulates often can't see their orange, making them look just about the same color as the foliage around them when they're hunting! miranda might stick out on land, but that's just because we aren't seeing her in the environment she's made for, where she blends in with everything else around her as much as a pure black animal.

(it's also why her bioluminescence is blue - blue is the longest wavelength of light, and the one most animals can see at that depth. if she lights up, then she wants to be seen, and she can even alter her silhouette to appear larger or smaller or breaking it up into multiple shapes if she needs to. it's why her tapetum lucidum is blue when light's shone on it, because there is blue light to be seen at depth, it's just very dim!)

(this is also why giant squid are bright red, and why the stoplight loosejaw fish is so special! the latter actually produces its own red light, and can see red light, which means that it has a secret light that won't reveal where it is but will reveal to it where its prey is!)

food: this is something that depends a lot, because there are actually multiple different species of merfolk, which is mostly my fault because i don't always feel like i communicate this the best. they're all slightly different in how they evolved to capture prey, with abyssals in particular being fuckoff huge ambush predators that attack from below, and others being shallower-water hunters or more adapted for smaller, faster prey - but they all evolved from an ancestor with a fairly consistent prey-capture method.

in short, all merfolk are ancestrally evolved to hunt whales and other large prey items, with all the extant species still holding at least a degree of this. primarily, they were ambush predators who were good at getting in close to their prey before a sudden burst of speed. they would work together in close-knit groups (one of the big pressures for their increasing socialization and larger brains, to coordinate such groups) to all mob a single prey item at once, hitting with force to cause sudden trauma, and then using their claws, double-thumbs, back feet, and mouths to hold onto their prey and refuse to be dislodged. they'd repeatedly claw and use their strong bites and massive heads to rip deeply into their prey, causing further massive trauma and shock, and if that failed, bleeding their prey to death.

think of it like the raptor prey restraint model, just further taking advantage of the fact that they were underwater, where no one else has hands that could potentially rip them off. being smaller and somewhat less-optimized for marine life compared to things like sharks and whales and large fish worked for them, because they had a novel adaptation that allowed them to take advantage of things no one else could, and the numbers to make up for it. this is, likewise, why they never lost their hands and fully developed flippers, instead making their limbs as flipper-like as possible to make up for it.

then as time went on and certain populations became separated from each other, they adapted for slightly different niches, but all remain fairly closely related to each other as a genus.

in the modern day, most merfolk don't really "hunt" for all of their meals, at least not in the same way that we might think. don't get me wrong, they still absolutely hunt and it's a larger part of their lives than it is for most humans, but they have options.

mostly, the merfolk theory for their relationship with nature is to invite it in. this is not to say they aren't controlling and pruning it, but they do live underwater, and it's far harder to keep animals out than it is on land, so merfolk accepted it and worked with it. they'll work to promote growth around their buildings and where they live, fostering the growth of sea grass and algae and coral and other sessile animals, encouraging them to set down and grow in these areas, and they'll then let more wild animals move in, further encouraged by these natural sources of food and shelter, on top of merfolk working even further to encourage them in. they serve as a functional cleanup crew for the merfolk in these settlements, being allowed to eat anything that merfolk might drop or go to waste, and even moreso might be purposefully fed at times, or have specific homes for them built. merfolk will keep encouraging them and taking care of them until they become a biorich hotspot, creating unique oasises for wildlife to live alongside merfolk.

however, this isn't just a free-for-all, persay. merfolk will also purposefully prune these populations and control how they form, often removing "problem" animals and encouraging certain behaviors which makes it easier for these populations to live alongside merfolk, not viewing them as a threat, but also not viewing them as an opportunity either. they will directly shape how these areas grow and cultivate them on a physical level, often using them as an easy shortcut to literally grow their settlements and buildings. but they will also harvest from these populations and selectively breed them, until their cities and towns act as massive public gardens full of food to be caught, picked, and eaten at any time

as there are also a lot of (very politically powerful) nomadic groups, they also do this, albeit not always so directly. they'll have specific shoals or "runs" of fish that they will follow behind and take care of, managing as they move through the ocean in accordance with the seasons. this is where the whales still factor in, because the nomadic groups will also take care of the whales, purposefully keeping an eye on their pods and taking care of them and, when the time comes, being choosy and particular in which whale they select at any given time to be hunted, harvested, and eaten.

(there's also the way in which food is distributed and managed throughout the merkingdom, since some food is indeed shipped and moved throughout the different areas, but that's a different story for another time and i've talked enough)

BUT!!!! thank you so much and thank you for enjoying all of this that ive been making with miri, and thank you for giving me an excuse to talk more about her <3

[yandere-daze]

Ok wait. The "trap for you" mv is making me go insane. But also, imagine the player in self aware au putting two characters that dont get along in that mv because they ship them, but inside the game, the idols are just dying inside, and praying that you don't play the mv over and over again.

I kind of imagine Rinne and Himeru in that scenario. Rinne's cool with it and would probably take advantage of the situation to annoy Himeru. Our dear Merumeru on the other hand is feeling murderous and just wants to throw Rinne off the stage.

Same here anon, I still can´t believe happyele really did that. Like do they not realize how much power they just gave players? And while obviously it´s super neat to put together some of your favorite ships, I also thinks it´s super funny to pair up characters that wouldn´t get along at all snflsefn

Can´t wait to pair up Eichi and Shu for ultimately cursed screenshots slnflbsf

gn reader

tw yandere, mention of murder

The player puts their ship in the Trap for you MV but the characters in question don´t get along at all

I think you mentioned two really good pairs for this, anon! There´s already some of that in the game for Rinne and HiMERU. One of my favorite parts in Paranoia Street is the part where Rinne puts an arm around HiMERU and he immediately pushes him away, resulting in Rinne shooting him awkward finger guns and going right back to dancing. Maybe my humor is also broken but that part is so funny to me skjnflbf

HiMERU honestly feels like he must have entered some kind of hell to be subjected to this. Just what were you thinking? He dearly hopes you just happened to put them in this situation because they were the strongest cards in your roster and that you didn´t do this on purpose. Surely you´ll realize your mistake and remember not to do this again, right? Please don´t make him ever do this again!

He wishes he could just push away Rinne but he doesn´t want to damage HiMERU´s reputation too much by causing a scandal like that so he simply tries to bear with it.

Rinne *would* be an absolute shit about this though, you´re 100% right. He´s kind of having the time of his life just messing with Merumeru, getting a kick out of seeing him so visibly upset but unable to change anything about this situation. He´s kind of all over him just for fun and is going to tease him about this entire ordeal even far into the future.

Oh god Yuzuru and Ibara, there´s so much mutual dislike and hatred between the both of them so they would both be absolutely flabbergasted when they´re notified that you put the both of them in a team to starr in Trap for You. Ibara specifically designed this choreography to draw in more fans but he kind of regrets the decision right now, now that´s he´s been forced to act so intimate with his greatest enemy.

Yuzuru tries to keep a normal face but his smile is getting very strained indeed. Why oh why did you think this was a good idea? He´s not one to question the master he is serving but he can´t help but wonder what went on in your head to decide on this.

The mental image of them kind of turning this entire thing into a fight is so funny sjdbld Like they´re just openly glaring at each other in moments where they´re supposed to act all soft and gentle. They just can´t do it, dear player.

I don´t even know if the game would let you see what is actually going on behind the screen so while you´re smiling at the way they´re dancing together, they´re like *this* close to throwing hands live on stage dfsjdfljnf

They´re just pushing each other around while pretending to smile and they kind of both want to just murder each other to make this stop

[understandableparadox]

bottom of the barrel isekai review #3

Todays review: Choose your heros carefully

two BLs in a row... i would make a gay joke at my own expense but i'll be real, gay trash is soooo much more palatable as a whole then straight trash and i'm confident enough in whatever nebulous concept i've adopted as my sexuality to say that with something resembling pride.

so what's on the chopping block? utterly psychotic middle aged men reincarnated in a world ripe for their exploitation? perhaps a swarm of hyper busty vixens parading about on the strings of someone who has no idea how to utilize them? a magic system based on some mmo where its way to clear the author was bullied in or vaguely believed a certain class should be the strongest?

SUPRISIE! WE ARENT EVEN LOOKING AT TRASH TODAY YOU UTTER HEATHENS, WE ARE LOOKING AT SOMETHING VAGUELY COOL, I FUCKING TRICKED YOU, WE AREN'T AT THE DUMPSTERS WE ARE AT THE FARMERS MARKET AND WERE HITTING THE ANTIQUE STORE, GENDER AMBIGUOUS PARENTAL FIGURE WANTS TO PICK UP SOME VINTAGE COOKWARE TO SPICE UP THE GODDAMN KITCHEN

Ramblings aside, my established format usually stats that we have a short opening related to the title then a not so brief summation of the story, but this time the summation of the story will in fact be nothing more than a summation, as I genuinely think you should go ahead and read through this title.

our titular hero shane has been bullied by his friend to play test his beta for a gacha game

a game in which you use magical stones to revive ancient heroes and command them to destroy a collection of horrors from some demonic realm.

shane awakens after a long day of Gameing and finds that he is now stuck within this world, a magical divine sheep provides him after some prodding some game functions, along with a single stone to summon his first hero. from there, the trio set off to solve the darkness of the world and find a way to return back to whence they came. solveing the other mysteries and oddities the world holds for them.

and that's it, you ain't gonna learn a single thing more about this story from me, get the fuck out of my house...

well i'm not done yet and a little bit of this will be spoilers.

ok so why do I like this? the action is bad, the art isn't anything to write home about, the armor and weapon design makes me want to curl up in a small hole, bury me gentle please...

Well as i think i've said prior, A lot of things can be hidden if you have enough meat on the bones of it, to the point where i can ignore the guts of it being playdough and the skin being saran wrap you splashed paint over.

the story itself is overwhelmingly interested in how a world that functions through mmo and gacha logic would work. what happens when you can summon someone who is truly the pinnacle of humanity through shear luck? what about the common rabble that are only lucky enough to be able to afford one pull and end up getting some D grade shitterton, Bob the Spackle artist, special skill Crack Spackle.

what about the fact that you can just tell them to attack things and you can take a nap in the middle of a low grade dungeon? the concept of auto play but introduced to the idea of the world at large.

now lets pull out form smaller game concepts, the heroes are the only ones that can defeat the shadows, and only the summoner can control the heros. meaning that the heroes can only be as heroic as the summoner. a brave man shackled by those who even the gods have abandoned.

what about the towns in games that dont have the right vendors? the ones that cannot give the player things they want, the areas without bazaars or weapon shops or summoning areas or shop functions, what happens to them if they have no draw to keep players in them?

these are the questions that the manhwa loves to explore and I love exploring them with it. now, on to our normal questions.

"Is the underlying story, barring any other concept, good?"

Yes, its both a compelling romance with both the main character and the main love interest being good fits for each other with interesting flaws and qualities. they are not perfect and that makes them fun to follow. even without the romance the story has enough aspects for you to follow if you want to ignore the twinks prancing around.

 "on a sliding scale of min to max, how much is the author using this to explore fetish" 

0, big goose egg. unless the author has a fetish for being held in their sleep then yeah i guess thats a thing.

"How many story crutches does the author use to explore the story" 

I cant exactly see any noteworthy crutches, even the normal "game aspects" thing is something they have to specifically work towards within the story.

 "Is the author attempting to use the story as a way to explain why he is not weird."

they are trying to say that gachas are bad and I for one believe they should say it fucking louder for the rest of the world to hear.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am now going to be taking isekai requests to review on top of the ones I have set aside for myself to review. to submit an isekai, please send it to me as an ask with the site where I can read through it.

[ollyou]

Sorry another non-art post but I wanted to point out to some very disrespectful people that this is NOT an art only account > <“

This account was actually made to be mostly rambles, and just because I like pmtok and center most of my stuff around olly doesnt mean thats all i do either! I never wanted to be a pmtok-only artist; i just draw what i want to rather than what other people like to see

I’m a rambler at heart and if you dont like that then you shouldnt follow me, or just mute #rambling !! Alternatively if you don’t want to see any negative posts, mute #negative ^_^

Tbh as someone who has never had an anonymous ask box before joining the pmtok fandom, stuff like this just comes off as really mean and dehumanizing?? Please unfollow me if you have a mindset like this. I constantly tell people to just send me fun asks and stop trying to order me around like a slave and then people who claim to follow me pull this…. 😓 I hope you know that if you think you’re entitled to my artwork and can tell me to “shut the fuck up” for simply speaking how I feel about the constant harassment the toxic side of the fandom has given me and my friends/mutuals, I do not like you and you’re not allowed to enjoy my art tbh….

There is no “we”, just this rude person who likes to pretend they are a fan. But no fan acts like this. I want my fanbase to be a nice and welcoming place full of gentle and friendly people, not entitled bullies who treat me like their slave. Keep it to yourself if you don’t enjoy my rambling, please, or just unfollow/mute the tags I appropriately place for these sorts of posts <3

I blocked this anon immediately after screenshotting this but tbh I’m not sure if that blocks their actual account too… cause I wanna make sure they can’t view my account if all they want to do is dehumanize me. Idk it’s really weird how this fandom acts sometimes which is why I’m so strict with my dni and byf stuff but people don’t listen most of the time…. Agh!!

I make one post telling the people harassing and stalking me for several months if not years to leave me and my friends alone, and these people suddenly get the idea I’m just an art-making machine…. It’s frustrating but in the end I just want to receive nice anon asks. I appreciate all the friendly anons!! Thank you so much. You make my days so much better. I feel bad that sometimes I can’t respond to them, but I read them all. I save them all. I love them all <:)

But yeah… please unfollow me if you’re unwilling to just mute my #rambling and #negative tags when all you do is complain I don’t post art enough…. Also idk, if you want me to post more art then…? Why not you compliment my art? What’s the point of not ever supporting my art when I post it, then complaining and belittling me when I don’t post it? That’s why I block these people. Very very disrespectful.

I know it’s best to just ignore this stuff! And I do. I ignore a lot of it. It is quite annoying, but I ignore it so I can give the nice people room to speak. It’s really rare that I actually speak up about this stuff tbh. I’m almost positive these are all just the same few people block evading me via VPN anyway hahahah. Especially since I’ve seen them do that, too.

Also, I do recognize it’s very likely no one will read this all the way. But I usually don’t write things expecting people to read them! I mostly write stuff for myself, like a journal of some sorts. :D It’s probably a bit weird when I advertise my art and whatnot too, but y’know. I don’t want my tumblr blog to be just… some soulless art dump. I’m not looking for attention, just respect, I guess.

Ah, in the end I’m sure those bullies will use this to fuel their constant harassment of me anonymously (because they too cowardly to hate me normally, I guess), but tbh they just kind of… complain about a singular post I’ll make for the first time in forever for days straight and act like that type of post is all I make, so I guess there’s no appeasing them. Not that I even want to make happy the people who treat me as subhuman.

Idk why people are so entertained by being assholes, but maybe that’s just the naive part of me thinking! I’m no grown adult or anything. In my head I am just a little baby still learning about the online world as I was raised very sheltered from all that stuff and avoided toxicity wherever I went… 💦 I am a tumblr baby! Sorry..!

Ah!!!! Rambling too much. Hahah. Thank you for reading. Hey, if you got this far, why not you send me a friendly anon message? Gotta clean out all the garbage from within my inbox, though I think I’ve done a pretty good job at it as is.

I will post again when I have something to say or more art to share!!!!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: cocsa, incest, SA

I don't remember much when I was much but I remember I did get groped by my brother around 10. Before that I used to get chronic uits as a child, I came across corn early on, I saw things around the house and on the computer and we both used to watch it. I've had dreams now as an adult that we engaged in certain stuff sexually but I don't seem to remember. I had a lot of inappropriate behaviour as a child and instead of asking I just got shamed for it and looked down upon, I even did things with my other brother which I ended up remembering and I feel so guilty. But with my older brother I felt way more attachment than normal, even jealousy which i found odd.

I had his laptop once and I was trying to find my file and ended up coming across his porn, it was full of step sis and sis content which shocked me after having those dreams, what I found even shocking was how similar the girls would look to me..

After that i remembered I ended up getting weirdly turned on and hyper, I felt like spiral for 3 days straight.

I also got sa at 11 by my neighbour. Theu didn't know, During this time I was acting inappropriate and my parents shamed me for it and said I'm disgusting, it was just me and a friend during school drawing and writing dicks n stuff. They banned me from watching my favourite shows because of it.

Another thing I had a dream of my dad, just once. I dont remember anything but when I was 14, I went to put food on table and he spanked my ass, so harshly. I do have a big ass and idk It felt really disgusting bc it wasn't gentle but it wasn't even a good touch in my head, just bad. Since then I feel awkward around him, he's commented a few times on me and my body. I know he has a thing for girls around my age bc he got obsessed once with this one in a show and yeah its wasn't nice but she's literally my age... I found he searched explicit scenes or pics of her once. Idk if he ever did anything with me bc I don't remember anything. But when he takes pics of me I do feel uncomfortable, because I know he's a perv and idk maybe he's thinking thoughts like that with me? I even tell him to delete and he never does.

I remember around 20 we had an argument over clothes, apparently i can't even wear simple things because of my body 🙃 and they mentioned well people will look and an uncle had commented on my body at 14. Saying how I'm pretty thick and how my body shows... I was covered btw because it was during a wedding. What my parents did instead of blame me, as I've always gotten blamed. To the point, I feel like I'm so disgusting and shameful. I hate how I get turned on when I shouldn't be, me getting hyper.

I just feel gaslight half of the time and what makes it worse is when it was during the school when me and a friend was writing about a male teacher as jokes, my mom switched up like 3 years ago saying I'm disgusting because I wrote that stuff about my own dad! Wtf! I can't believe she would even say that to me bc I'm very well aware of what is being wrote. I'm not even kidding when I say shes probably jealous of me at this point.

No one cared or bothered to know why I was acting like that at young, when I spoke sexual things n what not, what I came across, instead I get shamed, its my fault and I'm a horrible person. I hate how I always had to do something sexual in order to feel a release.

Hi anon.

I'm so sorry about what you went through.

It sounds like not only your brother but both your parents held attitudes that enabled sexual abuse, through victim-blaming, gaslighting, and excusing each other's behavior. It's possible that there may be a history of that, as they seem to normalize that kind of behavior.

It sounds like, as a result of your experiences, you may have developed what is known as hypersexuality, which for you has stirred up a lot of feelings of shame and disgust. Please know that it's quite common for assault survivors to experience hypersexuality.

None of what happened is your fault. You're not a horrible person. You're a survivor.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[hopecountyisforlovers]

love;

rating: explicit very explicit 18+ ONLY please

pairing: john pruitt x ezra wilson

words: 2519

summary: a little consensual vampirism leads to. some other things. god help me i cant believe ive written 2500 words of catholic erotica and i dont think im ever gonna be normal again. warnings for of course the Vampirism and a small reference to past self harm

----------x----------

He is gentle in everything he does- it makes Ezra's insides liquid, melting into technicolor. Even this supposedly violent act is tinged with his gentleness, with the love that pours so freely from his dark eyes for every living thing. That love captivates him, now, even when he can't see them- washing over him like the waves wash over the shore, drowning him and wiping him clean with every needy swipe of a tongue against his skin. His face is wet, with sweat, he thinks, his cheeks burning, his whole body hot where he is pressed into the thick sheets of the too-small bed- until John stops, pulls from the perfectly clean wound in his throat, looks at him with something like shame. He has come back to himself enough, now, that his hand does not shake as it keeps the tears from dripping off his jawline.

"I'm so sorry- I went too far, I shouldn't have- God, forgive me-"

He can't bear to see that look on his face, to hear that agony in his voice. His head swims dizzily, the edges of his vision sparkling, John dark in their centers, dotted with white teeth and the shine of his eyes like a perfect starlit night. His voice sounds weak when he speaks, but he oozes conviction. "Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life."

"Ezra-" Strangled. Desperate. Reverent. He had chosen a biblical name for himself, but he had never considered that it could sound so holy. He is grasping for him, their mouths sliding together, and he can taste the iron of himself on his tongue, and it is made sweet- water into wine into syrup. "Ezra, Ezra-"

"It's okay. Look, I'm okay, see? I'm okay." It is his turn to have the shaking hands, now, and he uses them to draw John's hand over his heart, thrumming with the glory of love, however softly.

"Let me make it up to you." Ezra opens his mouth to protest, he has nothing to make up for, how could he? He hadn't hurt him, not really, how could he? Even if he had killed him, had drained him dry, not a second of it would have hurt. Not a second. "Please, Ezra, please-"

This desperation lives in the core of him, made manifest by his rebirth, and it seeps into Ezra, liquid hot, replacing the blood he's lost, electrifying him. How could he deny what replenishes them both? In lieu of an answer, he shifts his hand, running it through lovely dark curls that threaten to swallow it, nails against scalp drawing a downright sinful shuddering exhale from the man above him.

John descends on him, again, like a wave, but there is no crash- Ezra cannot comprehend the gentleness which touches him now, so much more so even than before, which reaches into the molten center of him and wraps its fingers around it, not to crush but to hold, not to possess but to reinforce. It is so sweet on his tongue, sinking into his gut, and then further down- already, he aches with it. Long fingers, delicate, so delicate with him, loosen the buttons of his shirt, pushing it aside, shifting him to remove it and discard it on the floor. He is bare now, and while he would usually be self-conscious of his bare chest, even after the advent of the twin scars that adorn it, he cannot bring himself to be now. The only people in this room who can perceive him are John and God, and he knows with an absolute certainty there will be no judgment of him from either.

Their mouths break, a whimper leaving him at the loss, and he is being shushed in an instant, that mouth falling like the rain over every freckle that adorns his cheeks, his chest, his shoulders. He is caught in this rain, shuddering with it as it sprinkles over him, and he is reminded of standing outside under pouring clouds, letting himself be pelted to feel something- all of his desperate attempts to feel something- and those moments do not matter now. Because pain had never loved him the way that John loves him. Not a single inch of his bare skin is left out, special attention paid to his scars, and both of his hands disappear into those curls, giving back what he can, the hums and mewls and whimpers against his skin as he is tasted spiraling the ache in him further and further out of his control.

That mouth is hovering above his belt line, now, those big dark eyes on him, seeking permission he has to know that he already has. But it isn't permission, he realizes an instant later- it's guidance. There is something he wants, something he won't ask for, something he is willing to give instead- always the giver. Always giving. He refuses to let him, in a petulant action, so unlike the saint John looks upon him like- he has already been given so much. He is going to be the giver this time- he is going to give them what they both need. "Take me, John. Please, take me. I'm yours."

His bottom lip quivers, shaking Ezra's world with it, "I don't- I can't- I'm not-" He takes a moment to gather himself, those lovely dark eyes so conflicted it tears him in two. He knows it is not his vow that stops him, even if it probably should give more pause to both of them. He knows exactly what stops him, and he cannot take it. He cannot live in a world where the man who taught him the meaning of faith does not think himself worthy. He cannot live in a world where this man, so precious to him, is left to ache. He shushes him, fingers cascading over the fullness of his mouth.

"You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes," he starts, breathless, and he can feel the intake of air where his fingers still rest over John's mouth. He had spoken those words once, what felt like a lifetime ago- he had been looking at him that same way, even. They had been like magnets, even then- God drawing them into each other like he drew them there even now.

"How much better is your love than wine," He continues, steady in his conviction of the word, sliding up the length of his body again, more kisses, endless brushes of lips against skin stoking the flame undoubtedly leaving a wet patch on his pants at this point. When John's mouth again alights on his, their hips press together, and he finds him equally affected, firm against his heat. "Your lips drip nectar, honey and milk are under your tongue-"

Ezra's legs wrap around his waist, grinding against him experimentally, and the low whimper it draws from him threatens to make him lose himself on the spot. "Let my beloved come to his garden, and enjoy its choicest fruits."

The next few moments blur as they strip each other, bare skin pressing against bare skin in so many ways unknown to him that he cannot help but be overwhelmed. His hands get to roam now, touching and feeling and grasping, and he is certain for a moment that he actually had died, that Heaven had not been barred to him as he was told by so many it would be. But then a single long finger slips into him, meeting only the smallest amount of resistance, and he is sure that he is alive, because the sound John makes upon discovering his wetness is far beyond even anything God could conjure. The feeling is like nothing else, because he has no frame of reference- he's always heard that it's supposed to hurt the first time, that you are supposed to do nothing but grin and bear it to get to the good parts- but there is no pain to be found in how John explores him the same way there was no pain to be found in John draining the life from him. When he squirms and whines, desperate for more sensation, another is slipped in and he is shushed with another array of kisses to his freckles.

"I know- I know, angel, but I don't want to hurt you. Patience, patience- I will give you what you want. I promise." When the words draw a sinful sound from Ezra against his will, he can feel more than see him shudder on top of him, and another finger slips in, stretching him deliciously as his thumb plays with him, drawing his eyes practically into the back of his head. "So beautiful, It'd be so easy to- to slip in- to take and to hurt you- and I can't, I couldn't live with myself if I-"

Ezra pulls him forward, locking their mouths together to cut him off his tracks. "You couldn't hurt me if you tried. I'm ready, John. I'm ready. Please."

Again, he is briefly conflicted, but Ezra grinds against him, much more effective without the barrier of clothes, and the feeling of him just this way makes his whole body sing and he is dripping and he should be embarrassed at how wantonly he is behaving, ashamed at his attempts to tempt a man of the Lord, but he is not, he is not, because it works. The fingers leave him and immediately find his beloved's mouth, dark eyes fluttering shut as he moans around the digits- he can feel him twitch against where they are still centimeters away from being joined, and he did that, just the taste of him, and it is so erotic that his stomach is still filled wholly with the beating of wings as his legs are parted, as he is slipped into as easily as if John belonged there and was made to be there. He is the perfect size to fill him so completely, and he is so full, and the fingers of John's right hand are still wet with saliva as he intertwines them with his own, and again his cheeks are wet, but this time he realizes the tears are not his. He wraps his legs around his waist, pulling him in deeper, and his free hand swipes the saltwater from his lover's cheek in an action that reinvents him- had he not been a devotee before, he certainly was now.

When John starts to move, eyes riveted on Ezra's face, hand squeezing his like he's afraid that at any moment he could disappear, he is again stricken by the gentleness of it, belied by his fervor and that core of desperation that makes him up shining through the cracks in his facade. He had heard sex being referred to as making love more times than he could count, and he had never understood it before this moment- love poured into him, through his every pore, cascading against his skin, drawing slow, deep strokes against his insides, and they are making it, creating it from the thin air around them like making carbon dioxide from oxygen, and it fills the room and thickens the air and every breath is nourishment. Ezra moves back against him, pulling him deeper, elongating his strokes, and the shape of his voice wraps around Ezra's name in a broken mewl that makes his whole body pulse and clench in something like a warning. Ezra clings to his neck with his free arm pulling him into open-mouthed kisses between the praise that starts to spill from him like water in between the sounds of his pleasure. "So good- So good for me, John, so good- Feel so- did you feel that? I'm so- You're perfect- I love you-"

The pace picks up, the stutter of hips all too apparent. The grip on his hand is white-knuckle. John's voice is small, too small, barely audible over the sounds of their bodies moving together, wracked with ecstasy. "Don't stop- please-"

It takes Ezra a second to realize that he means he doesn't want him to stop talking. He likes the praise. He's asking him for something he wants- his heart all but soars. "You're amazing. A miracle. To everyone here but to nobody- to nobody more than you are to me. The way you love has changed me, John. So openly, so freely- I am so blessed. So blessed to be yours. I love you. I'll love you forever, and-"

"Ezra-" He cuts him off with another holy exhalation of his name, his voice at its breaking point. Every muscle in his body tenses, and it will not be long for either of them, and it feels like every nerve ending he possesses is building into this climax, all of them humming the glorious hymns of his one and only. "Ezra, I can't-"

"And I am so blessed to have you as my first."

These are the words that break the dam- there is a moment where his eyes widen, where he makes a sound like the air has been punched out of him- and then he is spilling inside of him and the whine that leaves him and the feeling of him shaking apart whites out Ezra's vision, body finally getting to the chorus of its song as he chants his name to the walls and to the town and to God himself.

John collapses to the side of him, scooping him into his arms and pulling him into a crushing embrace against his chest. There is a long moment where everything is still, where no sounds fill the room except their mutual heavy breathing. John is wrapped around him, their legs tangled, and he is still dripping out of him, and his face is buried in his hair, breaths fanning out against his scalp and sending pleasant shivers down his spine.

"Are you okay?" Ezra breaks the silence, and John stifles a laugh.

"I should be asking you that, you know."

"But I asked first."

"That you did. And since I'm being honest… since there's no point in being anything but completely honest…" he takes a deep breath, words coming out in a rush. "I hope it doesn't scare you if I say I feel like- like I've been waiting for you. For my entire life, I've been waiting for you. That however long I live, eternally or until tomorrow- that I- That I thought I knew. Before. What it was like to… to fall. But it wasn't…it was, but it wasn't. It never was. And it wasn't a mistake, not at all. I don't regret it. But it wasn't. This. And I don't want anything but this. But you. Forever."

"That sounds like a proposal." There is an edge of laughter to his voice, but John's grip on him tightens.

"It is if you want it to be."

His answer is almost too appropriate.

"I do."

[idv-sunsxin3]

Hi! If its okay may I please have headcanons for how Sundrop and Moondrop would comfort their friend that has anxiety and tends to panic? Tysm in advance and its totally fine if you dont want to write this.

Sun & Moon comforting a friend who has anxiety

Header’ art via FNAF Security Breach Official Game

{Headcanons/Scenarios}

Note// Hello Hello! As a writer who often gets anxious in many things, I’ll relate a lot- X’DD🌸✨

___

{Sun}

Sun often worries a lot whenever he sees you panicking-

He becomes a little passive and less loud, very afraid to scare you or make you go away…

If you feel better by receiving comforting touches, he’ll gives you gentle pats on the shoulder and rub your back in a comfort manner as possible.

You need a hug??? Cuddles??? Nuzzles???

His arms are always open for you,,,! nwn

Whenever he sees his beloved friend sitting on the floor with a concerned state, Sun will sit next to you and tell you gently that everything that makes them be worried of will eventually come to an end,,,

pinky promise,,,!

Sun also makes sure to keep you busy by doing activities that you like with you.

Such as playing games, draw, watch movies, do karaokes, eat eat eat- etc. (Whatever your choice!)

Or! Even pointing out at things that can catch your attention for at least a moment!

Sun// Friend! Look! That dog over there looks like a hotdog! :DD

Sun// Look Look! What’s that climbing over the ladder, Y/N??? :Oc

Sun// Oh wait- IS A SQUIRREL???

Sun// HOW DID IT GET IN HERE??? :OO

Sun// CAN WE KEEP IT??? :DD

Sun// Y/N! The rulebreaker is here to visit you! >:T *jealous friend mode: ON*

{Moon}

To Moon, It’s complicated to give enough comfort to you…

But he understands that it’s normal to see kids and adults panicking,,, Especially when a child gets nightmares.

He never thought there would be many other people who frequently get anxious-

In order to make you stop hyperventilating out of panic, he always lends you a paper bag from NOWHERE-

Don’t ask him how he summoned big objects from his back-

“that doesn’t matter right now” he said-

Gives you plenty of Moondrops, which also works to sooth you.

If the daycare gets cold, he gives you soft, cozy blankets and hot chocolate to make you feel relaxed. (Psychological opinion= you’ll feel worse anxiety whenever you’re in cold temperatures- *gets slapped*)

Moon has a strong robot mind, so if you’re comfortable, feel free to vent your thoughts that make you feel anxious-

He won’t mind listening to them at all.

What matters is bringing your sincere smile back and kick most of your concerns off your shoulders.

It would be rare for him now that he’s quite corrupted in his programming-

but he would comfort you with a calming voice and softly hum lullabies for you while caressing your crown of your head.

Might try to sing a little for you as well, just a little-

Moon// Remember me…~

Though I’ll have to say goodbye…~

Remember me…

Don’t let it make you cry…~

For even if I’m far away… I’ll hold you in my heart…~

I sing a secret song to you…

Each night we are apart…

Remember me..~

[Song - “Remember Me” from the movie “COCO”]

[glacialltz]

Can I request Xiao, Albedo, Zhongli, Childe and Venti with a s/o that bites them to show affection? please, but its ok if u dont wanna 👉🏻👈🏻

summary: headcanons for xiao, albedo, zhongli, childe, and venti with an s/o who likes to bite to show their love

warnings: biting (?) [fluff]

word count: 1.8k

author's note: uwah... like the way a little kitty presses its teeth against you in a kind-of-bite-but-not-really show of affection 🥺i hope u like these, anon! the idea is so cute... tender... head full....

Xiao's not accustomed with humans enough to know what you're doing may possibly be considered odd. That doesn't mean it doesn't shock him, though.

At first, he kind of just... sits there. He's a little confused, to be honest. You didn't seem to be angry with him or reacting in self-defense, so he didn't feel a reason to move away from you.

Xiao doesn't really react much at all. If he can sense it's something affectionate from you, however, he may reach up and rest a hand atop your head for a moment. He may even give you his best awkward attempt at a smile.

Even if he learns that giving a little bite here or there isn't a typical "normal" thing for humans to do, he's not phased. He does things that aren't "normal" either, and it's just another part of you.

When he does realize it's affectionate, he may blush just a little bit. It's hard to pick up on, as he's always a little curt anyway, but his body language gives him away a little.

At first, it's just embarrassment, but later on, it's because he's overwhelmed. Not in a bad way, though. He's just overwhelmed with how much love he feels for you tugging at his heartstrings.

Sometimes you look at him, your eyes glittering with mirth, as you gently bite him, and he feels his heart swelling. You always do it so carefully, and it reinforces the idea that you really do love him.

Eventually, Xiao may even try to bite you back. It's a slow, tedious process, but one night as you sit together atop Wangshu Inn, he hesitantly takes your hand in his and raises it to his mouth. The amount of pressure he applies is so light you can barely feel it, but it's because he's afraid of hurting you. He wanted to show you he loves you, not injure you.

His expression was hesitant and worried, afraid you would express disdain and discomfort at his actions. But when you simply laughed, your voice full of joy as it's carried away by the wind, he finds the love bubbling up in his chest once more.

He adopts the habit from you but the frequency with which he does it is still much lesser than how often you do.

What you may have never put much thought into quickly becomes something of a reassurance to Xiao. Whenever you do it, you always do so carefully and gently. You always remind him you're there and you love him. It makes him feel so warm and so happy. Sometimes, after you've been particularly affectionate with him, you'll find him later in the day with flowers he picked squished together tightly inside of his clenched palm. Other times, he'll simply take your hand once more and gingerly bite the back of it.

Regardless, he always seeks to give back the gentle love you offer him. Please keep being tender with him, it makes him so happy.

At first, Albedo laughed good-naturedly at your habit. He certainly wasn't expecting it, but that's what makes you so interesting. You always blow him right out of the water.

He's not particularly minded, as long as you don't do it while he's drawing or doing something important in which sudden movements could be detrimental.

Unlike Xiao, Albedo doesn't really make the move to bite you back. Instead, he often reaches out to ruffle your hair slightly, looking at you with a small, somewhat crooked smile. At least he seems to think you're cute?

He often chuckles slightly when you greet him with a hug and attempt to bite him. Your sweet affections always help him wind down after a long day of research.

He may question you "why" after a while. Not because he dislikes it or anything, he's just curious. He's never heard of someone biting another to show love. No, not even from Klee, and she often shows how much she loves the people important to her in varying ways.

Albedo listens carefully when you tell him that it's just a silly, sweet way you wanted to show him you loved him. He laughs slightly, telling you it's alright. He really doesn't mind!

He might jokingly attempt to nip at you, but he doesn't really feel the need to mimic you. He shows affection in his own way and you show it in yours.

It's kind of hard to bite him though, sadly. He covers a lot of his skin and is often working. You'll have to be crafty if you don't want to just bite him around his elbows every single time.

He never minds. He's always interested in seeing what you'll come up with next. You're a clever little thing, and you always keep him on his toes. That's something he likes about you, though, so it makes it almost a fun little game.

He's confused almost immediately. He's been alive for so long, but he doesn't think he can remember anyone trying to bite him before.

For a second, he's worried that he's upset you and you're reacting the same way a cat does. He gently asks you if you're alright and if there's anything he can get you, and his confusion only grows further as you blink at him in complete silence for a moment.

He's a bit surprised when you say you just wanted to show him love that way, but he's not against it either. Good luck getting past all those clothes, however. He's got quite a lot of layers on and only his neck is really ever exposed.

Sometimes, if the two of you are doing something sweet like sitting by the fire together at night, and you cheekily give him a little bite, he'll chuckle softly and reach over to lovingly squeeze your hand or knee.

He won't bite you back either, but he'll always make sure to return the affection you give him almost immediately.

He always seems to smile warmly at you after you do it as if he views you like a cute kitten biting at its owner.

Zhongli too tends to be a bit of a physically affectionate lover. He often rests his hand on the small of your back when the two of you walk, or he might offer you his arm or hand. He likes feeling connected to you, so he can understand why you too show love through something small like a bite.

Besides, it's a reminder that the erosion has not yet gotten to you, too.

Sometimes he'll give you a small kiss on your body matching wherever you bit him. You gave him a small little nom on his cheek? Well, then, come here, dearest. Allow him to return the favor.

Ultimately, Zhongli just views it as the way you show him love, and that's all. It's the same as you just outright saying "I love you" to him, and he's fine with that.

Oh, how he laughs the first time. It's hearty and bright. You best be prepared, comrade. He instantly leans over to give you one in return. Let's hope you aren't in public...

Childe does actually bite you back, but he doesn't really use his teeth. He's more of the type to "nom" your cheek and not actually hurt you. Unless he's feeling a bit more playful, that is.

That doesn't mean it doesn't shock him a bit at first. Then, he's reminded of his younger siblings. It's not uncommon for them to bite at those around him, though it's debatable as to whether or not that really counts as "affection".

With you, though, he can definitely see how it's affectionate, and he's 104% ready to give you it right back. You better be ready!

Ultimately, Childe lets you do it. Sometimes he reaches over to ruffle your hair after, and other times he just laughs loudly. You never cease to amaze him! The way he smiles at you is so fond. You make his heart sing, comrade, and he enjoys these silly little loving moments with you.

When the two of you are just relaxing and you take it upon yourself to do something like nibble lovingly on his arm, he'll often grab you tightly around the middle, ready to return your affection tenfold. You can't escape a Fatui Harbinger, silly!

Childe's a pretty affectionate guy himself. When the two of you are out together, he often has an arm slung around you in some way, shape, or form. He likes being close to you and tends to be a more touchy lover. Whether it be greeting you with hugs or pulling you along by your arm, physical affection is definitely one of his fortes.

He definitely is reminded of a small cat when you bite him. And he'll make sure you know it too. Often with that annoyingly charming little grin he has.

His laugh is infectious, and you often end up chuckling with him. He can't help it, he laughs a lot when happy. And you make him happy! Especially when you're so cute!

Another one who's happy to return the favor. Venti giggles softly the first time, asking you what that was.

He too has been around for a while and has never really seen people give bites as a way to show love before. Regardless, he's not as confused as Old Man Zhongli and gets with it pretty quickly.

He sometimes giggles, claiming your little bites tickle. He often says it's no fair for him to be the only one tickled, glancing at you with a coy smile before lunging forward to try to tickle your sensitive spots. Come on, it's only fair, you know!

He, along with Childe, is one of the most likely to do it in public, much to everyone else's chagrin. Sometimes the two of you are sitting together and he'll lean over and nip at your cheek lightly, laughing slightly all the while.

It's not unusual for Diluc to sternly tell you to cut it out before he kicks you both out.

Venti returns your bites a lot more after he's had something to drink. He didn't even have to have alcohol, drinking anything in general just puts him in a much better mood. When he is tipsy, though, he's already super affectionate. You better watch out.

Sometimes when you bite him, he'll jokingly pretend to sneeze. At first you didn't really get it. Until you eventually realized he was teasing you by acting like you were one of the several cats around Mondstadt. You swatted at him lightly for that one, and he ducked away giggling.

To be honest, he's grateful to know how you show your affection. Despite how he acts, he's not really used to the idea of really, genuinely loving someone. Your affectionate reactions are a good gauge to him that he's doing something right.

Overall, he's one of the first to get on board with your cute little bites. He loves them and he loves you! Just beware... sometimes he sneaks up and bites you unprompted before running and ducking away.

𝕚𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕖𝕟𝕛𝕠𝕪𝕖𝕕 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤, 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕔𝕒𝕗𝕖 𝕚𝕤 𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕣𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕝𝕪 𝕠𝕡𝕖𝕟 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕣𝕖𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕤

[spinster-sisters]

Arrangement. psh

TW: Oral, fingering, corruption, unprotected sex, public sex, reader is kinda selfish but in the oblivious way not the malicious way, seonghwa is seonghwa. Honestly I was going for something kinda specific here and i dont think i succeded, its not bad or anything just not what i was going for but i dont think yall will be able to tell hopefully.

The first thing i write in probably well over 2 weeks and its something that nobody but @deja-vux wanted. what can i say? this idea gave me brain rot.

One last thing, this is kind of a part 2 to the corruption kink blurby thing I wrote for Seonghwa (can be found in my master list) but it’s not a direct continuation or anything and you don’t have to read that to get this.

-

Your jaw ached in strain as you held your mouth open, trying to keep your throat relaxed. Seonghwa’s grip was tight in your hair as he thrust his dick shallowly past your lips. The position was altogether uncomfortable. Seonghwa laid across the back seat of his vintage car, back propped up against the door with one knee raised. You were knelt between his thighs, bent over in a painful arch trying to keep still in the tight space. But all of that was inconsequential, the breathy groans and crooked smirk of the man in front of you were enough to drown out the pain.

As his hips pushed into your mouth again, dick sliding further down your throat than before, in a desperate attempt to please the man you did your best to swallow around the long length of his cock although tears pricked in your eyes. His grip on your hair tightened and you looked up just in time to see his head thump back against the glass window followed by another low groan and a face screwed up in pleasure, his normally perfectly styled black hair now tousled and falling into his eyes. Deep satisfaction ran through you.

To your surprise, the hand in your hair yanked you back and off him. You whined at the roughness, despite the way it sent shocks down to your core. Seonghwa’s eyes cracked open to peer down at you with a grin.

“You're getting good at this, princess.” He compliments in his velvet voice. His words elated you and a smile crept onto your lips.

“You’ve come so far in so little time, you could barely take me in your mouth without gagging a month ago, now look at you. You should be proud.” Seonghwa continued, running his hand through your hair once before regaining his grip on it. You practically purred. While you looked back on those first few times with Seonghwa fondly, you much preferred his smooth praises to the harsh words and instructions he gave you before. But you were still glad for them, there was no way you would have come this far this quickly if he hadn’t been hard on you.

Seonghwa’s hand was pulling you back down again before you could voice anything, “come on princess, show me how much you’ve learned.”

Back to work you went. He gave you a tad bit more freedom this time around, not making any move to thrust into your mouth, instead, allowing you to show your newfound mastery of dick sucking. But you kept his preferences in mind, he always wanted to draw things out, to take his time with you. So you began by kissing gently along the red tip, then lapping at the precum that spilled from it. The taste was definitely an acquired one, your face had screwed up in disgust the first time I touched your tongue, but now you sought it out as it meant you were doing well.

Taking the tip completely in your mouth, you hummed as you swirled your tongue around it for a moment before popping off and caressing the underside with a flick of the tongue. Seonghwa hummed in approval, nudging your head forward again in gentle encouragement. You took him into your mouth again, this time hollowing your cheeks and bobbing your head in a firm rhythm. You kept your tongue pressed into the underside of his dick, running along the most prominent vein. Each time you took more and more of his impressive length into your mouth, moaning in satisfaction as you went.

You couldn’t help the way your legs pressed together as more wetness pooled in your underwear. Your mind flashed with the first time Seonghwa had taken you completely. Your body had shuddered as he eased his cock between your legs and into your cunt. It had been uncomfortable sure, and the sensation had been unfamiliar, but Seonghwa had taken care to prepare you enough before ruining you in that way. Your first time had been exceptional needless to say.

You were drawn back to the present by the low growl rumbling out of Seonghwa’s chest as his dick hit the back of your throat, all of him save for the part you had your hand wrapped around for support was now gracefully sliding past your lips. You ventured another look up to his face. He was watching you intently with fire behind his dark eyes. You looked up at him with wide eyes, barely able to meet his strong gaze. His elbow rested on his bent knee and his head was leaning against his hand. If it weren’t for the low sounds he released from time to time you would never be able to tell what you were up to between his legs from his face.

The sudden desire to break his composure overtook you, to make him feel as desperate as the ache between your legs. So as you removed your hand to take his length all the way down into your throat your hips began rocking back and forth, rutting into nothing as your legs pressed tightly together.

“Keeping going like that, and I’ll cum down your throat.” His voice rumbled.

You doubted that. Another thing you had learned about him was that he was unbelievably composed. The kind of restraint that came from much experience. He wouldn’t cum unless he wanted to, his words were only to encourage you. But regardless you took them with glee. Seonghwa had long since discovered that nothing encouraged you more than the thought of his cum, the very reward for your efforts.

Despite his promise, it was several more minutes before he spilled into your mouth, having finally decided that you had sufficiently proven your knowledge. His head had fallen back against the window and he let out a trail of deep groans as he spilled against your tongue. You swallowed it appreciatively, beaming up at him from between his legs, awaiting the praise for your efforts.

When he looked at you again it was with a crooked smile and a gentle hand stroking your hair.

“Well done princess,” he spoke far too casually for having just cum down your throat. His free hand took your hip between his fingers and hoisted you up to straddle his lap. He adjusted to sit normally in the seat and he took a moment to size you up. His gaze burned as his eyes trailed over your body and your legs tried to squeeze together again as another bout of wetness spilled out of you, but Seonghwa’s hips kept them apart. He noticed the attempt, however.

With a smirk, Seonghwa slid his hand into the waistband of your shorts and into your panties. You sucked in air only to release it with a whine as his cold fingers slipped between your folds, releasing the slick into his palm. He chuckled at you.

“Oh what have I done to you,” he started with mock remorse, a small pout painting his features, “only a true slut could get his wet from sucking dick, I suppose I have truly ruined you,” he finished with a wild smirk. Your hips ground into his palm subconsciously.

“Mmmhmmm” you sighed in agreement, absolutely loving when he spoke to you like that, only Seonghwa’s words could ever affect you like that. If anyone else said them it would sound vile.

“Yours,” you added with a hoarse voice, rocking your hips into his still hand again.

“Mine?” He asked, pretending to be confused, tilling his head to the side as if asking for clarification. Though the next words to leave your lips were no surprise to him, as he had taught you them.

“Your slut.”

-

It was getting harder to avoid Seonghwa at school. Not because either of your schedules changed, not because he stopped ditching as much as he did. In fact, those things hadn’t happened at all, it just seemed like they had. It seemed like everywhere you went you saw him. Either sauntering his way through the hallways, gathered with his like-minded friends in the courtyard, or even sitting in the far back of the single class you shared flipping his pen between two fingers as he stared absently out the window.

Once upon a time, before you had seen him as anything more than trouble making pretty boy, it had confused you how he had even managed to be in the same advanced literature class as you and it hard infuriated you when you discovered that Park Seonghwa had the audacity to be smart. Your one-track mind had seen it as a waste for him to have even a shred of intelligence behind his starry eyes when it was clear school was the last thing ever on his mind. But at the time you had pushed the thought aside, thinking that as long as you still stood at the top of the class it didn’t matter.

But when you found it most difficult to avoid Park Seonghwa was when he was leaned against the locker of some pretty face showing that crooked half-smirk that you had become so familiar with. And it caused quite a few unnamed emotions to stir in your stomach each time. Each time you shoved those emotions away before they had the chance to manifest. You had no right to feel them. It was your reputation at stake if the student body discovered that you were Park Seonghwa’s latest pass time, not his. In fact, it would probably gain him a feather in his cap from his crowd if they knew. You and Seonghwa had never discussed the exclusivity of your arrangement, you hardly had the clarity of mind to do so at any moment his gaze was focused on you, so you could never be sure if his velvet words had led him between the legs of any of the pretty faces you saw him with. And you didn’t allow yourself to dwell on it, even though very deeply wanted to know. Once again, you pushed the thoughts from your mind, as long as you still to be with him the most, it didn’t matter what those other people did with him.

But as the school slowly emptied at the end of the day, and you were making your way to the student council room once again (trying your hardest to not remember when he had taken you against a table in there as well) you found Seonghwa loitering in the hallway with a girl leaned against his chest inches away from his face.

You came to a dead stop. The gears of your brain are either unable or unwilling to comprehend what you saw. Why this particular time bothered you so much was a question you could not answer, it was not the first time, nor would it be the last. Normally you would simply turn your head and keep walking as though you had seen nothing, and you had almost convinced yourself to do exactly that when the girl noticed your presence.

“Do you need something?” She spat, clearly from the crowd that thought the student council was all prissy know it all’s, and you had to remind yourself that until very recently that is exactly what you were. But you were also stubborn. You composed yourself quickly and kept your eyes on the girl.

“Unless you have somewhere to be, I suggest you move your groping elsewhere. Somewhere off school grounds preferably.” You called in an even tone, thankfully your voice had not betrayed the way your stomach was churning.

“Come on, don’t be such a prude,” the nameless girl countered. Her choice of words temped you to glance at Seonghwa, but you had a feeling he would be looking at you, which you don’t know if you could handle.

“Trust me, the rest of the student body would be just as grossed out as I am, whatever is going on here is not as ‘hot as you think it is,” you added air quotes around the word for good measure. The girl smirked at you.

“I don’t know, I think they would be lucked to see such a sexy couple.” She retorted, her arms curling around Seonghwas middle. At the word “couple” you couldn’t help it, your eyes flashed to Seonghwa. He had the audacity to look amused as if the back and forth was the best entertainment he had seen all week.

You didn’t like that she used that word. You had absolutely no desire to be in a relationship with Seonghwa, quite the opposite, in fact, it would ruin you. But your mind flashed with the one word you heard him use perhaps most often, “mine.” Granted, you had never called him ‘yours,’ but the experiences he gave you seemed somehow cheapened if he was giving everyone else the same ones. You felt spiteful, what was the point in teaching you all those wonderful things if he could get them elsewhere. Those were the thoughts that spurred on your words.

“I’ll let them know when I find one then.” You deadpanned. It took her a moment to realize what you meant, then her mouth hung open. She looked ready to retort before Seonghwa cut her off.

“Why don’t you go home, leave this conversation to the big kids.” He said, looking at her for the first time since the conversation started. Once again, it took her a moment to realize it was her he was talking to, and then she gapped like a fish. Seonghwa had turned his eyes back to you, not bothering to entertain her shock. Finally, with a huff she stormed off, leaving you and Seonghwa alone in the hallway, locked in a stare-off.

“Kinda slow isn’t she? You can do better than that.” You grumble, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Oh I know I can,” he replied without missing a beat, but the less than subtle once over and the knowing smile he gave you only served to tick you off, rather than flatter you.

“Then why waste your time with her?” As soon as the words came out of your mouth you regretted them. They sounded far too much like jealousy for your taste, and based on the look in his eyes; an invitation as well. Seonghwa’s lean body pushed from the wall and took several long strides towards you, till he stood over you. His hand came to rest all too familiarly on your hip.

“Why? Have something better I can do with my time?” He said, not at all trying to hide his suggestive undertone. You scoffed, in an attempt to keep the burn of his stare away from your mind.

“Your disgusting,” you said, though it came out far less convincing than it sounded in your head. You took a step back from the all-to-magnetic boy. If someone came across you two now, you needed as much distance between him and you as possible.

“Are you going to report me? Madam President?” He replied in a moc disappointed tone.

“As if I adding today onto your record would change a thing. We have a filling cabinet for just you and your friends, Seonghwa. I don’t want to overflow it.” You threw back.

“I didn’t know the student council was such fans of my work.” He replied casually without missing a beat. You opened your mouth to retort but he cut you off.

“Come find me tomorrow night if you're still looking to help me waste time, princess,” he began, turning to grab his bag from the floor, “I think you have a council meeting to get from, wouldn’t want to get in your way of upholding the high standards of the school.” As he spoke he began walking away, only to throw a smirk over his shoulder at his last four words. Leaving you alone in the hallway.

-

You did not find him the next day. You had decided you were upset with him, not because of the girl, you told yourself, but because of the patronizing way he spoke to you. Not that that was different from normal. It just seemed to be the best way to allow yourself to be mad at him without those unwanted feelings worming their way into your brain.

Whether Seonghwa had even noticed your boycott was impossible to tell. He would never come to you, he wanted you to come to him. He never seemed even the slightest bit bothered in the few times you had glanced at him from the corner of your eye. He laughed with his friends without a care in the world and his blank face during class held no emotion besides boredom. You on the other hand, now that was a different story. You had become used to meeting up with him once or even twice a week in various places around town for your “lessons” and you had become “insatiable.” (his word not yours)

Your resolve to be mad at him was cracking as the days went on and was replaced with the need for him. Him and only him. No one else would do.

But in an effort to keep your resolve you threw yourself in the opposite direction, instead, making plans with the Vice President of the student council, a lovely girl named Marie.

Marie was your friend. She chose to use the words “gal pals” from time to time. An airy upbeat girl who rarely let her soft smile fall from her face. And right now, the furthest possible thing from spending time with Park Seonghwa.

So on Wednesday, both you and Marie piled into her silver car and drove off to her house. You both stumbled into her orderly bedroom with a fit of quiet giggles at the expense of several other council members. You shrugged your bag off your shoulders and plopped down onto the plush carpet beside her bed as she did the same.

“Oh my gosh, I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever! Outside of council meetings obviously, I mean, I was starting to think you had found a different best friend and I was-“ Marie started rambling almost as soon as she sat down. You couldn’t help the small smile that found your lips. It’s true you had been neglecting her as your friend for the past month or so, instead of spending time with, well, him. But now that sat in her familiar room, seeing the pictures of the events you had planned together scattered on the walls, the sudden realization that you had indeed missed her was shocking.

“Sorry about that, there was some stuff going on at home, that needed my attention. But now I’m back!” You replied, trying to match her seemingly boundless energy. Her face screwed up in worry at your words.

“Oh no! Is everything ok? Do you want to talk about it?” She asked in her characteristic wide eyes. You shook your head.

“It’s not serious I promise. My parents were just redoing the garden and my mother insisted I be home every day to help planting and stuff.” You continued with the lie you had prepared. It was the same thing you had been telling everyone when they asked about your general absence.

She looked content with your answer, smiling and pulling her binder from her bag.

“So, the basketball game this Friday, I know we have the event mostly planned out but I think that we still need to-“ she started again, going right into her work. And you held up a hand to slow her.

“Woah hold on,” you started with a smile, “we have been planning this game for 2 weeks I think we can take a break tonight. You know? Just hang out a little?” You asked. She looked at you surprised.

“Since when have you ever wanted to take a break?” She asked with a curious glance but it broke into a smile, “come on, it’s the first game of the season and the coach asked us specifically to make sure that the whole school showed up and it runs smoothly. Besides if I do a good job I might just beat you out for president next year.” She said the last part with a low voice and a wiggle of the eyebrows.

But that wasn’t the part of her outburst that surprised you. She was right, when have you ever been the one to want to take a break? Surely you have been indulging yourself too much lately. You recovered your momentary lapse.

“Oh you wish,” you replied with a coy smirk that broke you both down into giggles once again.

The rest of your night was flung into a casual discussion with homework and planning galore.

-

Perhaps there are better places, and there are definitely better times. But since it came down to either the locker room showers or the back of Seonghwa car, at least the showers had more room.

Outside the door, the basketball game was raging on and I likely would be for the next hour. You could hear the school cheering along with the game, and the surprisingly loud squeaks of the player's shoes on the gym floor. Nobody would be coming in here till the game was over, you had until then.

You had been leaning against the sink when Seonghwa walked in. One look at him was all it took for you to be willing to break your streak, it’s hard to be mad at someone when you can’t glance at them without your mind flashing with every dirty thing they have done to you. So the moment he crossed over to you, you flung yourself at him. Your arms instinctively wrapped around his neck when your lips meet his. You could feel him smirking on your lips, but at the moment you couldn’t care less.

Seonghwa’s hands fell to your hips and to your utter dismay he used his grip to gently push your body away from him. A whine pulled from your lips as you looked up at him with pleading eyes. He looked amused.

“Hold on there princess, what’s the rush?” He asked head tiling to the side with a patronizing look. You huff at his words, tightening your arms around his neck you push yourself flush against him again.

“The rush is that I haven’t had time to see you all week and I’m going insane.” You convey in a tone that clearly says ‘shouldn’t this be obvious?’ Seonghwa’s eyebrow raised accusingly.

“Oh, is that what it was? That you didn’t have time?” He asked, though his tone suggested he knew the answer. You could feel yourself blushing, so he had noticed you had been avoiding him. Honestly, you didn’t think he would.

“Because I’m pretty sure I saw you and miss congeniality meeting up every day after school.” You wish now more than ever that you had more experience in the “relationship” field, even if this wasn’t one because you could not for the life of you decipher Seonghwa’s expression. His face was relaxed, showing no sign of anger or disappointment or any other emotion, but his eyes were staring you down with great intensity. But then again, he always seemed to do that.

“Council stuff.” You mumble in reply, trying with all your might to speak as casually as him. At this, Seonghwa gifted you with an expression you understood. Fake surprise.

“Oh, is that what it was?” He began, looking up at the ceiling as though pondering the idea, before looking back to you with that damned crooked smirk. His grip on your waist suddenly tightened. A moment later he had pushed you back against the sink, caging his arms around you.

“Or is it because you were jealous?” He was grinding madly now.

Jealousy. That was that emotion that you had been shoving down all week. How you had not realized it before was a mystery. But to hear it come from his mouth? It made you see red. Suddenly you were far angrier than you had any right to be. Your gaze hardened quickly and you did your best to put space between your bodies, though it was practically impossible with his arms changing you in and head leaning down into your face.

“Do you want to waste time talking, or are you going to fuck me?” You spat. He processed your words for a fraction of a second longer than necessary before he had the audacity to look amused.

“So you were jealous.” He practically giggles, shaking his head and looking down in amusement. The tips of his fluffy black hair brushed your nose and you almost swatted at it. How dare he? You pressed your hands into his shoulders and pushed against him, trying to move him away from you. He allowed you to move him, but not by much, just enough to give you a little room while you fume at him.

If you had the slightest bit of hindsight at this moment, you would have realized your anger was misplaced. You were angry at yourself for feeling that stupid emotion in the first place. But at present, blaming him seemed easiest. And the fact that your anger only served to amuse him made it feel a bit more justified.

“What’s so funny.” You spat, crossing your arms in front of your chest. He peered at you, and your clearly ticked-off demeanor before chuckling. His hands still gripped the porcelain sink behind you and for a brief moment, his hand flexed against the hard surface, holding some unseen emotion in the action.

“You are, princess. For someone so smart I forgot how absolutely clueless you can be about anyone who isn’t yourself.”

You almost stormed out of the room. And you probably would have if it wasn’t for the placement of his arms. But he continued speaking despite your livid expression.

“I was keeping up appearances.” He said in a flat tone. You could now add confusion into the storm of emotions brewing inside you.

“What does that mean?” You said the words with venom but there was a clear tone of lack of understanding in your voice. He, once again, found this amusing.

“Exactly what it sounds like. How would it look for me, if I suddenly started to ignore every advance made on me? Believe it or not sweetheart but I also have a reputation to uphold. Just the same as you. And since your the one who is so adamant that nobody knows about our ‘meetings’ it’s business as usual.”

Realization washed over you like water to a flame, all the rage dissipating just as quickly as it appeared, and your face softened. And then came the guilt. You just basically blew up on the man for doing exactly what you wanted him to, for doing exactly what you were doing by avoiding him. You had never before considered Seonghwa’s reputation in your musings. Your eyes glazed over a bit as you looked down, letting out a quiet “oh.”

You kept your gaze rooted to your shoes, unwilling to look at Seonghwa for fear of what you would see. You jumped when you felt his touch. One hand came to your waist and a gentle caress and the other took hold of your chin more firmly and tilted your head up to his eyes. And to your surprise, a coy smile lay across his features.

“It’s ok princess, your obliviousness was what drew me to you in the first place anyways. You were so caught up in your own little self-centered world you didn’t even notice how badly I wanted you till I had you pressed against the wall. I don’t think this would be as fun if I didn’t have to teach you a thing or two along the way,”

you blushed again at the memory and he slid his thumb against your lower lip. Your mouth parted automatically to wrap your lips around it, lulled into the submissive trace his silken words always put you in. He chuckled at you. “At least now I know you haven’t been messing around with anyone else. You’ve been too busy sulking over me to even notice if any other guys tried to seduce you.”

You hummed around his finger, slightly comforted by the fact he would have been jealous too. His words suggested that he wanted you to himself as much as you felt the same about him.

His thigh was suddenly pressing into your core and the hand on your waist dragged your hips across it. The skirt you wore did nothing to shield your panty-covered cunt from the rough denim of his jeans and your mouth hung open to mewl at him, his thumb still dangling from your lips. He leaned down to whisper in your ear.

“You wouldn’t let any other guys touch you, right princess?” He mumbles though he spoke like he already knew the answer.

You garbled put some kind of agreement as quick as you could. With a smirk, Seonghwa hiked up the fabric of your skirt to expose your damp underwear and lifted you ever so slightly by the waist onto the edge of the sink. There was a sliver of pride in his eyes at the way you spread your legs willing for him, presenting yourself as best you could, just as he had taught you. He pushed the fabric covering your pussy to the side and slide a fringed through the slick that gathered there. And you muffled a whine into his neck as your arms flung over his shoulder.

“I’m gonna have to be quick with you today sweetheart, the game is almost over, but wouldn’t want the whole basketball team to come piling in and see you like this would you.”

You shook your head as best as you could with your face nestled into his collar bones. Your eyes were screwed shut as his fingers continued to glide through your folds, sometimes barely slipping inside you before pulling out. He was working you up with well-practiced hands. He had learned his way around your body much faster than you had learned his, knowing all the ways to make you tick.

“No, this is for my eyes only, right sweetheart?” One of Seonghwa’s slim fingers caught your clit and you gasps, gripping the shirt covering his shoulders. He tutted at you.

“Don’t tell me you've forgotten what all I’ve taught you in just one week. Come on and use your words.” You could feel his words rumbling in his chest for how tight you held him. You were hesitant to pull away, but the edge in his voice urged on. Moving away just enough to let your voice carry.

“Only for you,” you mumble. Despite your quiet tone, you meant the words far more than you anticipated. Seonghwa pushed two long slim fingers inside you at your response, stretching your walls with ease. You gasped at the intrusion and buried your face in his chest again, trying to muffle any noises that may come out of you. There was still a game going on outside after all.

Seonghwa’s fingers arched inside you, brushing against the most sensitive place on your walls and your back arched. You could feel yourself getting louder and louder with every passing moment, but you were still unbearably on edge of being discovered.

“You especially responsive today, maybe leaving you alone for a while has its benefits.” Seonghwa mused into your hair as he worked, pulling even more sounds from you with every movement of his hand. His practiced fingers touched and toyed with you so well, it was impossible to keep quiet.

“No-“ you started in a shaky voice, not wanting to go so long without his touch like this again.

“Only joking sweetheart,” he giggles in your ear. But at that moment he pulled his skilled fingers away from your core and you choked on air. He ran his free hand up your spine in what was meant to be a gentle caress but it sent shivers through your body regardless. Your face stayed hidden against his body, at this point, his body heat seemed to be the only thing grounding you right now.

With your vision obscured there was a brief moment of heated silence where it seemed like nothing was happening, then the distinct sound of a belt clicking open and a zipper being pulled down echoed in the room. You pulled away from his chest and looked up at him with wide star eyes. He was already watching you with a smirk. Your mouth hung open with anticipation. He took in your face with a pleased expression, one hand coming down to cup your chin and tilt your head further up.

“I love it when you look at me like that,”

As soon as the words ended Seonghwa was crashing his lips onto yours and without missing a beat he thrust his length into your cunt in one quick movement. You were suddenly very thankful for the kiss, as it did well to muffle the cry ripping pst your lips. His grip on your hip was like iron as he began to set a pace. Each time pushing if possible even deeper inside you. You forced your legs to spread wider as your hands clawed down his back. Each time he filled you completely your body twitched as he brushed over your most sensitive spot.

Seonghwa still held your chin tightly in his palm, keeping your lips locked in a heated kiss. He seemed to be timing the kiss with his thrusts, which meant it was incredibly fast. He was kissing you as though he wished to devour you whole and at the moment you wanted nothing else but to allow him. Every few minutes the kiss would break as you both panted for air before it resumed with that same fervor.

Quite suddenly it became all too much, you were melting into him. Every stroke of his dick against your pulsing walls felt like fire shooting through your body in the best way, making you twitch uncontrollably. Your body acted of its own accord, hips bucking to meet his with every thrust and your hands grasping wildly against his back, trying to bring him impossibly closer. Several times you tried to break the kiss just to moan but his mouth chased yours and swallows up the sounds before they could escape.

And the kiss was something else entirely. You had kissed the man before but never like this. This felt so raw and unyielding. Every swipe of his tongue against your own felt like an invitation or a promise, for what you did not know. All of a sudden it felt entirely too intimate, too real. The kind of kiss reserved for true lovers in a moment of passion, not two teenagers fucking in a bathroom. But you couldn’t break away, not that you wanted to.

A gasp rang through the room. And in a moment that felt not unlike plunging into a freezing ocean, you realized that it had not come from you, or Seonghwa for that matter. Seonghwa had stilled to a halt inside you from the moment he heard it. He abruptly broke the kiss, sidestepping just enough that his broad back blocked the exposed parts of your body. But you couldn’t focus on the surprisingly chivalrous way he had protected you from sight, or the way he was mumbling under his breath as he righted himself and his clothes before doing the same to you.

No, your eyes were locked on the door. Where a mortified-looking Marie stood with her mouth hung open.

-

so can yall see what I was going for? or did I fail miserably lol.

[tsukishumai]

pairing: Sakusa Kiyoomi x f!reader word count: 2.7k (idk I’m sorry) tags/warnings: fluff, smut, NSFW, bondage, oral(f!receiving), MINORS please DNI with this post a/n: a big thank you to @forgetou and @neobakas for beta-reading this piece for me. ilysm <3

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

You were always incredibly considerate of Sakusa. It had been that way from the moment the two of you had met. You didn’t scoff at how he needed to be the first one in the locker rooms after practice, or laugh at his post-game rituals. You quietly adjusted to his odd habits, no fanfare or complaints. You never did so with any disdain nor treated his quirks as if they were a nuisance. You just accepted those parts of him without a second thought, considering it just as important to him as his limbs.

So yes, Sakusa fell for the kind girl that made him feel normal – the one that avoided taking him to crowded places, and stitched his jersey number onto a face mask. He thinks your jokes are hilarious, and he feels proud when he’s the one making you laugh. He likes it when you cook his favorite meals, and he appreciates the way you stay up to wait for him when he gets home a little late. He notices the effort you put into always looking pretty for him every day, always waiting for him to initiate contact for fear of invading his personal space.

But that’s just the thing.

Sakusa doesn’t want any personal space from you. He loves the way you smell, and the way your skin feels beneath his fingers. He daydreams about holding you in his arms, and rubbing circles along your back as you relaxed against him. He gets butterflies in his stomach when you kiss his cheek without asking him first, and he revels in the timid look on your face when you apologize for doing so.

He doesn’t mind. Why would he? Despite any preconceived notions one might have of him, Sakusa enjoys affection – from the right person. He’s not going to give Bokuto a high five, nor is he going to shake Hinata’s hand. Sakusa never fails to get the odd look from Atsumu when he slides his hand into yours without a second thought, or when he ‘allows’ you to brush his hair away from his face.

Sakusa wants to scoff whenever he hears that phrase. He doesn’t allow you to touch him. He yearns for it like his lungs need air.

So of course he notices when you try to keep him at arm’s length.

You were never afraid to tell him how you felt, easily slipping I love yous and I’m missing you into daily texts and conversation. It made his heart flutter, but Sakusa wasn’t a man of many words. He’s not sure how to write a love letter, and he’s never even picked up a poetry book. When you ask him how much he loves you, he’ll just look you dead in the eye and say “A lot?”

No, you won’t be receiving sonnets nor prose about his undying affection. He’d much rather just show you.

His every touch is filled with so much care, delicate but sure as they travel across the stretch of your skin. He places gentle kisses along your pressure points, feening for the feel of your pulse against his lips. He wants to taste every inch of you, and commit the sensation of you on his tongue to memory.

Yet whenever he tries to lower his head past your navel, you push him away. You try to distract your rejection with your kiss, rolling him over instead to take him entirely in your mouth.

It’s not that Sakusa is complaining; how could he when he’s pumping his dick into your silky throat, watching your saliva dribble past your chin as you choke on his length?

He forgets about your denial until his next attempt, when he’s nipping at the skin of your hips, moving his mouth to forge a wet trail that lead to the space between your legs, and yet again you pull him up from his spot, kissing him and grabbing him until he plunged himself inside of you instead.

As he collapses next to you in bed, wrapping his arms around you while you nuzzle your face into his chest, for the first time ever, he feels unsatisfied — as if he hadn’t done all that he could have.

He brings this issue up to you the next day, unabashedly asking why you wouldn’t let him kiss you.

“What do you mean, Omi?” You asked, confused. “We kiss all the time.”

“No, I mean,” he turns slightly red as he gestures to your crotch, “There.”

The flustered look on your face shouldn’t have made him hard, but it did. He liked the way you stuttered and widened your eyes, searching desperately for the right words to say.

“I dont know,” you answered finally, “I figured you thought that kind of stuff was gross.”

You cut the conversation off there, no longer wanting to speak on the subject, but it haunted Sakusa for the rest of the day.

Gross? Why would you think that of him? Don’t you know that he wants to claim ever single inch of your body, wants to dip his fingers into you and watch your eyes roll to the back of your head, wants you to sit on his face until he can’t breathe? Had he not been doing a good enough job showing you this?

Sakusa shakes his head, feeling disappointed in himself.

It’s alright. He’s got a plan.

Later that night, as he ran his hands along your waist, lightly dragging his nails across your stomach, he leaned down and whispered in your ear, “I want to try something new tonight.”

You didn’t even think about it as you nodded your head eagerly like he knew you would, gazing up at him with half-lidded eyes that screamed of lust.

He sits up, and you try to sit up with him but he just pushes you back down onto the mattress. You looked up at him curiously as he reaches down the side of the bed to where he placed a plastic bag with his earlier purchase.

Sakusa’s hand emerged holding a pair of silver handcuffs, and he smirks at the way your eyes gleamed with excitement.

“Hands up,” he commands, and you quickly obliged. He looped the handcuffs behind the bars of his headboard, cuffing one of your wrists on each side. He left it slightly loose so as not to injure your skin, but as you struggled against your bindings, Sakusa was pleased to find that it would be impossible for you to get out.

Your arms were outstretched above you, and Sakusa roves his hungry eyes over your dips and curves, so exposed and vulnerable to whatever he wanted to do.

But only one thing was on his mind.

He begins with a soft kiss placed in the crook of your neck, ghosting over your collarbones before leaving marks all across your chest. You fidgeted beneath him, and he placed two hands on your waist.

“Stay still,” he commanded, and you simply gulped.

Sakusa dips his head back down, supple lips enclosing around your hardened nipple, and you arched into his touch. You shiver when his teeth nips at you, while he brings his other hand to cup your other breast, fingers pinching and twisting the previously ignored bud until you were a whimpering mess.

He disconnects his mouth a loud pop, but it wasn’t long until he begins to drag his tongue across your stomach. His direction slowly moves further down, and he can feel you slightly tense up. He ignores the way you try to wiggle your body away from his ministrations; you have nowhere to go, and he has you right where he wants you.

Sakusa draws circles around your navel, his hands finally coming down to rest on your hips.

“Omi,” you say nervously, the handcuffs lightly clinking against the metal bars they were attached to, “I’m not sure if...”

Your words died on your tongue when Sakusa’s grip tightened on your hips, looking up at you through his lashes before darting his tongue out to wet his lips.

“Relax,” he cooed, “Be a good girl for me.”

You nearly choked, your throat feeling dry watching Sakusa move his hands down to your thighs, kissing his way down to uncharted territory. You felt uneasy, and nervous, unable to keep your insecurities at bay when you felt Sakusa lick at the junction of your thigh and pelvis. He was so close to you – what if he thought it was dirty? Or didn’t like your scent? You could feel the warmth of his tongue trace up your pussy lips, and it was involuntary the way you tried to kick him away.

Suddenly, you felt a hand grip you tightly behind your knees, forcefully pushing your legs apart and up against your chest. You gasped in surprise, face turning red at your position. You squirmed against Sakusa’s grip, but his hold on you was strong, and the silver cuffs around your wrist were doing their job well.

“I thought I said be a good girl?” Sakusa questioned, his expression stern while he had your legs pinned down. “Or am I going to have to punish you for being such a disobedient little slut?”

The butterflies in your stomach manifested themselves as the slick wetness between your legs, and Sakusa smirked at the starstruck look on your face.

“I’m a good girl,” you whispered, though the position you found yourself was anything but.

Sakusa responded by pushing your legs even wider, looking down to admire the view. He could feel the tip of his dick struggling against his boxers, a large wet spot on the material indicating just how much he wanted to wreck you. But that could wait.

You start to feel shy under his intense stare, trying not to wiggle away and get another reprimanding.

“Omi, what are you – ahh!”

Sakusa licks one long stroke up your slit, and you couldn’t stop your entire body from shivering. He could feel your legs tremble beneath his fingers, and who knew just one lick could already elicit such a reaction from you?

He moves one hand away from your leg, using two of his fingers to spread apart your folds. Like a man finding treasure, he plunges his tongue onto your swollen red clit, sucking and nipping at it gently before flattening his tongue, drawing patterns that made you feel like your entire body was on flames.

Your head was thrown back against the pillows, back arching as you struggled to catch your breath. Sakusa flicked his tongue against your pussy so expertly, alternating his speed and rhythm in a way that had your legs shaking violently.

“Ohh fuuuuckk,” you managed to groan out, gripping onto your bindings so tightly, your knuckles were turning white. The lewd sounds of him lapping at your clit could only be heard in between your gasping breaths.

Sakusa flicks his tongue up one last time before pulling away slightly, staring up to drink in your flushed expression. Your tongue was lolled out the side of your mouth, eyes rolled back and chest heaving as you tried to catch your breath. Your arms hung limp from its tether, and Sakusa can’t think of a prettier picture.

He looks down at your shining cunt, glistening and swollen and Sakusa didn’t think twice about slipping two fingers into your slopping entrance.

He hooks your leg over his shoulder, smiling as you thrashed helplessly, body reacting fiercely to the way he hooked his fingers and found your gspot with ease.

You squeezed your eyes shut, screams and moans filling the room, unable to adjust to the pleasure of Sakusa rhythm.

You could feel the heat pool into your stomach, tightening in a knot so fraught with tension, it was only seconds before you snapped.

Sakusa could feel the way you pretty little cunt began to tighten around his fingers, quickly slipping in a third one and burying them in deeper.

“Ki...kiyoomi.. I’m .. I’m gonna —“

Sakusa latches back onto your clit, flattening his tongue and sucking in rhythm to the way he pumped into you.

Your legs tightened around his head, but Sakusa didn’t stop. He could feel every tremble, every shake of your thigh against his cheeks, blocking out the sounds of the way you called out his name.

You bucked your hips up into his mouth, and he could feel you gush on his tongue. Sakusa lapped up every single drop, and you felt your body twitch as he continued to lick your sensitive clit. Finally, he surfaces from his meal, looking up at you with your sex dribbling down his chin. It was sinful the way he withdrew his fingers from your cunt and reached up to shove them in your mouth. You sucked on them eagerly, eliciting a smirk from the wavy haired man.

“You taste so fucking good, don’t you?”

Sakusa pulls away, standing up to get rid of his boxers before quickly returning to his spot on the bed.

Your arms were numb, and your legs felt weak, but Sakusa gave you no chance to recover from his previous performance, grabbing your ankles once more and pressing your legs down into a press.

“Such a good fucking little whore,” Sakusa murmurs in your ear, nearly crushing you in the process. “You just let me do whatever the fuck I want, don’t you?”

Without a warning, he slams into you in one hard thrust, the only retaliation coming from your mouth was a strangled groan.

“This pretty pussy is all mine,” Sakusa muttered, keeping your ankles steady by your ears, his cadence unforgiving, and unwavering.

“Omi.. I.. I can’t —!”

Sakusa responded by angling his hips to hit your sweet spot, reaching deeper than you thought possible.

“Yes, you fucking can.”

The crude sounds of his drive were only amplified by the way you gushed all over his dick, the mess you made staining the 400 thread count sheets he so carefully picked out for the both of you.

Sakusa wanted to hold out longer, he really did. But the way you looked under him right now, so fucked out and stupid, he couldn’t help but feel himself get closer and closer to his limit.

“Kiyoomi— please!! I can’t —“

In one swift movement, Sakusa pulls out, pumping his cock until he spilled hot white all over your stomach.

You hadn’t done anything but lay there — bound, at that — but you were desperately gasping for air, your heart beating so fast, you thought it would explode out of its cage.

Sakusa sits back on his heels, equally out of breath, his dick growing limp in his palm, though it still twitched at the sight of you covered all over his cum.

He leans over to give you a peck on the nose, leaving you to walk to his attached bathroom.

He returned a few seconds later with a warm towel, gently cleaning the mess he had made all over your stomach. You nearly fell asleep at his touch, only opening your eyes when he unlocked the cuffs around your wrists.

Your arms fell back down limp, and Sakusa chuckled, kissing the red marks left by the cold silver metal.

“I’m sorry for this,” he mumbled against your skin.

You smiled at him lazily, bringing a hand to tuck a loose strand of wavy hair behind his ear.

“Don’t be sorry.”

He smiled once more before planting a soft kiss on your lips. He settles into the empty space next to you, pulling you on to his lap. You laid your head on his shoulder, and your hand settled on top of his chest, sketching soft circles with the pad of our fingers. He rested his cheek on top of your head, while he supported your back and held your thigh.

“Did you… like that?” He asked quietly, his deep voice disturbing the calm that had nearly engulfed you.

You felt your face heat up, burying further into his chest. He chuckled lowly, holding you tightly and placing a kiss on your temple.

“I did… d-did you?”

Sakusa brings his hand up to your chin, tilting it upwards until you were facing him.

“I loved it.”

He leaned down to place a gentle kiss, filled with all the tender love and care he never gets to say.

Suddenly, He pulls away.

“Hey, what are you—“

He slid his hands beneath the back of your knees, picking you up bridal style in one easy movement. He turned around and made his way back to the bathroom.

“Come on, let’s take a bath first.”

[creweemmaeec11]

Permission

Okay look, I was this close to scrapping this entire snippet, because I dont necessarily want to be known for this topic, or for people to get the wrong idea, especially because there's two snippets coming up very soon that came from the prompt list I posted on the topic, but after I posted said list, I noticed anyone who hated it did so because of a bad experience and well... I'm the one who takes bad things and makes them cute, so... let's just say, if things go to shit blame @defectivehero for giving me the push to post it (thank you <3)

"DON'T! PLEASE! PLEASE DON'T!" The villain pleaded, eyes wide with panic as their back hit the floor, the weight of the hero straddling their waist keeping them there, "Don't, don't, don't-"

Their rambling was cut off by the gentle hand resting flat against their stomach. The villain flinched, pinning their eyes shut, but the hand only glided back and forth soothingly.

"Darling, breath, "the hero laughed, "I won't, okay? It's alright," they reassured failing to hide their amusement at how dramatic the villain's reaction was, but still sounding genuine nonetheless.

The villain had come home after having a genuinely, all-around terrible day at work. Obviously, their lover couldn't let that stand, and had immediately scooped them up to carry them off to bed. After making supper, the two of them had been cuddling in bed, with the hero drawing slow circles on their back to help them relax, when their fingers accidentally trailed too close to their side. The villain, who hadn't been expecting it, immediately flinched with a squeak, and it was the cutest noise the hero had ever heard.

The villain blinked. After all that the hero wasn't going to...? Just like that?

"Wait, really...? You're not?" The villain asked, suspicious and surprised at the same time.

The hero rolled their eyes, "Of course not," they said, before leaning down to kiss the villains forehead gently, who immediately relaxed underneath them, "Not if you hate it that much. I'm trying to make you feel better, and you looked genuinely panicked there for a second. I can't believe I didn't know you were so ticklish,"

"It's not the tickling itself that's the problem. I had brutal siblings," the villain explained sheepishly, "Brutal siblings that wouldn't *stop,*"

"Ah," the hero replied, before their face shifted to contemplative, seemingly thinking for a second, "What about if you gave me permission?"

"Permission to what?"

"Tickle you," They replied, as if that was a normal thing to say.

"No!" The villain snapped.

The hero still on top of them immediately pouted, "Aw common! I'll be gentle! And I promise to stop as soon as you say to!"

"But... why?"

The hero shrugged, "I like making you smile and laugh. You have such a cute laugh you know? You don't do it enough,"

The villain faltered, lighting up bright red. It should be illegal to just say something like that so genuinely.

Their expression was so hopeful and equally pleading all of a sudden. Like it wasn't their partner looking down at them but an innocent puppy waiting for you to throw the ball.

They supposed it was the hero who they trusted more than anyone else...

God damn it....

PART TWO

MASTER TAGLIST:

@llamaly @why-am-i-on-this-website-anyway @larinzz @sharraus @asrasmysoulmate @kaiwewi @akawrites000 @sunflower1000 @aroacewitchyacademic @aquarellesirene @lbelle0527 @trappedgoose-in-a-writblr-room @freefallingup13 @enemies-to-idiots-to-lovers @homosexual-having-tea @friiday-thirteenth @chocomarsgalaxy @ravenshadow17 @daydreamed-snippets @stankyt0es @jinx1365 @rainy-knights-of-villany @fromtheo-withlove @maybe-a-cat42 @the-sky-writes @watercolorfreckles @noirewaves @digitalart-tw @itsleighlove @chibicelloking @distractedlydistracted @kitsunesakii @daedae127 @wish1bone1 @avery1s @vampart @ilikebooksbuttheresnousernames @defectivehero

[missbonekitty]

twisted wonderland chapter 6 stuff

so i and some friends had brainworms earlier today talking about chapter 6

these are not all my thoughts/theories

  THERE’s A LOT OF RAMBLING AND HEAVY THEORYCRAFTING, SERIOUS BRAINROTTING AND GOING DEEP INTO SOME ANGST AND MENTIONS OF DEATH.

so please read at your own discretion.

 CHAPTER 6 SPOILERS AHEAD

and a lot of what if’s

so basically Idia saying that the “Subjects” Charon had come to collect were actual people, not phantoms, and were capable of reasoning (paraphrasing bc i dont have the exact quotes) so they should be more careful/gentle.

Phantoms are most likely the creatures that we see behind those who OB. We know that STYX is an organization that’s dedicated to studying Overblots and we know that they collect mages who have Overblotted, Leona saying that those they take rarely come back. But I think that htey also usually only take mages who are probably still in the midst of an OB or haven’t recovered/have lasting effects. Hence why they rarely come back. (i bring up why i think they took the recovered students further on)

But what if phantoms, like the one we see in the dwarf mines, are the results of mages who were taken over completely by Overblot. They were never disconnected/torn away from the phantom (which, in the fights at least, almost seem like they’re puppeteering the mage its attached to) so they become one with/are absorbed by it.

Still alive within it, to an extent, but no longer have their own will.

---

This ties into a huge brainworm that I got about what may have happened to OG Ortho.

I was re-reading Ortho’s card/personal stories and there are a lot of little asides and things he or Idia say that clearly hint towards a medical thing with OG Ortho.

I think it’s Ortho’s alchemy uniform card? Where Idia forgot that he gave him a small arm that could get into narrow spaces (he was fixing/taking apart something.)

Idia: ...what was I trying to do, giving you all of these different functions. There’s not even any reason for those cutting-edge medical tools at this point...

Idia: I mean... I mean, originally I was...

Think it’s the same card with Ortho going out and tending to Silver’s sprained ankle. He has immediate access to (not including that he has a 3d printer on him) bandages, disinfectant, gauze, etc.

So I started wondering if maybe the original reason for the robot that is now Ortho was like.. a medical bot for OG Ortho, who I know a lot of people headcanon as having been probably frail or sickly (I heard that there might be mention that Idia and Ortho couldnt go outside much? I haven’t looked for it yet) so I FEEL like that’s a possibility given all of the medical tools built into him, and also the fact that Idia was very.. weird about it when he talked about it. Ortho also, after Idia says the above, immediately tries to cheer him up and tell him to not think about it.

  (Also, despite Silver only having a sprained ankle, Ortho is extremely worried and tells him this.

Ortho: You may be sick in ways that you haven’t even realized yet, and if you don’t attack them now it could be too late.)

Which made me think that he could be referencing what may have happened to OG Ortho. told you i was deep in the brainworms.

  ---

  Then of course there’s the theory thread that OG Ortho may have Overblotted and didn’t survive.

Which... got the brainworms going again.

What if.....

(if Phantoms are the creatures/manifestations that we see behind mages who are currently in Overblot and seem to be puppeteering them since i touched on this up above)

...what if OG Ortho Overblotted somehow back then, but they didn’t know how to stop it or separate him, and he was absorbed into the Phantom. Perhaps OG Ortho isn’t actually “dead”.

  And S.T.Y.X., a company run by/created by(?) Idia’s family is so fixated on studying mages who have Overblotted because they’re trying to find a way to save/remove him from the Phantom. They’ve taken/kidnapped all of the students who have Overblotted and survived and are normal again.

  Which then lead into me being like what if (if Idia is the one who ends up Overblotting at the end of Chapter 6) they try experimenting on OG Ortho’s Phantom to try to draw him back out but something goes wrong, and the Phantom disappears without OG Ortho being able to be removed.. effectively meaning they lose him.. again. I think that would make Idia OB.

  I went full angst and SERIOUS THEORYCRAFTING ON A CRAZY LEVEL.

Like.. the horror of 5 year old Ortho having been still “alive” for 11 years, but trapped/absorbed inside of an Overblot phantom,only existing that way.

...

I need all of this to not be true, I want Ortho to be okay and I want Idia to be okay. and I’m positive that the students will be fine.

 take all of this with the biggest fucking grain of salt because i’m desperate for more lore and i want to know what the fuck is happening/happened in the past and also i was exhausted when i was thinking about all of this. NO SLEEP THEORYCRAFTING :)

[shadowfae]

hiii! so a friend directed me here and i was wondering if u cld share abt how you found out you were godkin? only if youre comfy! because ive kinda had like. how do i word this. Vibes or Feels that kinda direct me towards the whole i might be a god of sorts kinda thing ? if you have resources and dont mind helping,, please direct me to them :D ~ @missing-crown

I want to start this essay off by saying flat out: wars have been fought, genocides have been committed, and empires have risen and fallen trying to answer the simple questions of “What is deification, and how do we incarnate and control it?”.

If you do not think you’re up the challenge of answering that question for yourself, even with years of study and slow training to take up the mantle of literally being the most powerful form of the Chosen One trope, then you’re probably in the wrong place. I say this as someone who is deific down to the blood and bone, as someone who has looked for other gods, and largely found very little in the way of anyone who understands anything like my experience. In this way, I am utterly alone, and I detest it, but if me penning these words gives someone else the gospel they need to explain themselves in a way I recognize as kin and kind, then I will do it.

But before I truly get into it, I will very nicely ask you to swing down to your local bookstore or library, pick up a copy of Seanan McGuire’s Middlegame, and take a walk down the improbable road with Roger and Dodger. The differences between you and I and the twins of the Doctrine of Ethos are simple and threefold: we cannot manifest, we are forbidden to use our powers the way they can use theirs, and there are (hopefully) no secret alchemist cults trying to murder us when we don’t play nice with their fucked-up science experiment.

Roger and Dodger are gods, true gods, gods I recognize in myself and in the godkin I have met who have spoken about themselves enough for me to understand that we are indeed talking about the same thing. Disappontingly, I see minor spirits far too often misunderstanding the nature of deification, or at least, understanding a version of it which is fundamentally antithetical to my experience. They may be deific; but either they suck at illustrating their point, or I am something far beyond deific, and I am again alone.

With that introduction, I need to talk about three things in order to answer your question. Two methods of deification and three definitions of ‘god’ in a hierarchy that only exists because humanity has not yet perfected their understanding of what is fundamentally and always beyond them. Two kinds of gods, honest gods, that split the difference between deific, divine, and legendary. Once you understand that, I can talk about godkin, and what it’s like to be me, and maybe by the end of it you will either recognize yourself in this, or run away screaming as most mortals will do.

The first method of deification is what I will call the incarnate gods- Roger and Dodger are good examples, so are most Legendary Pokémon, and Kaname Madoka from PMMM. They are laws of nature, concepts of creation, and calculations of cosmic proportions that also occasionally exist as people when they design to do so. They are not meant to be people, they are bad at it, I do not recommend being mortal and fucking around with them. You will simply die. I would not fuck with them outside of my own world that I created, where I get to be a form of incarnate god. You cannot overpower them: they ARE the rule, and they will change it if they need to. You can’t ruleslawyer gravity like a 2007 troll physics comic. An incarnate god of gravity will simply turn reality on its head and cause you to implode. If you are this type of god, I cannot help you. My understanding of them comes from being an Absol, and little more.

The second type are gods of domain and prowess: Zamorak (from RuneScape), Akemi Homura in both her awakened Witch and Devil forms (from PMMM), and yours truly. Quite a few of us, although not all of us, were originally mortal. Mortals amped up on so much power we are no longer bound by mortal laws. There is a difference between deification and simply stopping your clock to gain immortality. Mortal magic and deific magic are fundamentally different. Down to, I would argue, the atomic structure. Deific magic is pure in a way mortal magic could never be. To give a mortal more than a drop of deific magic heavily diffused in something safer and more understandable would be to quite literally burn them to ashes. Or rend them into a different, unspeakable form. Or turn them into living topiary. We are nothing if not unpredictable.

It’s the difference between a handful of dirt and pure neutron soup. Usually, in order to become a god like this, it requires the intervention of an incarnate god in some form. In Zamorak’s case, it was several Elder Artifacts and falling almost facefirst into halfway incarnating himself into the law of entropy. In Homura’s (at least in canon PMMM), she fucked with the laws of consequence and time to the point where she became the only expert they had on either of those and both laws decided to simply incarnate into her, and then she used that to cause problems. For me, it was having my entire magical and physical structure reorganized and rebuilt by an incarnate god of malevolent energy, and then I used what was a watered-down copy of the Devil of Devils’ glory to weave my own world into being where I was more or less the absolute arbiter of the laws of reality.

In PMMM Rebellion, when Homura fights Kyubey in that pretty lace dress of hers, that is approximately the magical prowess an awakened god of our capability will show casually. She has complete control over her domain (her labyrinth) and the reality of it, it takes no more than a glance or a thought to almost entirely reshuffle it. Her minions, who are little more than vaguely autonomous thoughts given some power of their own, may break that reality in whatever means necessary so long as it is to fulfill Homura’s current motives. Her domain falls apart when she does, and she is not separate from it; it is a consequence of her existence. Asking what came first, the god or their domain, is a simple chicken and egg question. It’s usually the domain, in our case; in the case of incarnate gods it’s a philosophical shrug and a nice headache.

You’ll notice I said awakened: that is because Zamorak is a great example of a god who isn’t entirely awakened. In canon, that is - the one I work with is awakened enough to fuck with his domain, which is what makes him quite useful to work with, although I do wonder what he’s getting out of me if not magical theory and utter adoration. Zamorak in canon is a god who ascribes himself to the philosophy of chaos and personal strife, completely unaware that he is incarnate enough not to change the law of entropy but to suggest things to it. He’s a god of chance masquerading as a god of personal improvement, and once he figures that out (and passes that knowledge onto Armadyl, who is his true light counterpart), he’s going to change the very way magic works. Guthix did everything in his power to try and become incarnate. He failed. Zamorak did it entirely inadvertently, and that’s the trick: the nature of deification is to follow the domain and influence it to your will. When laws of existence become people, they will do as people will, and people typically have ambition. Gods who are also people got that way for a reason. They always have a motive for doing so. It’s never accidental.

So, with a slightly more informed understanding of deification, or at least the versions of it that I understand, I can talk to you about me. What it’s like in the here and now, and how I knew. It took me years to get to this point, and I’ve much the way to go. I know more than I did when I was questioning; deeply more so. I don’t expect anyone questioning to be as sure as I am, and in ten years I will be far more sure of entirely different things, and if I’m lucky, this as well. But, let us begin again.

To be deific is to wake up in the middle of the night feeling like a black hole. You are vast, and you are dense, and the moment someone touches the skin of your sternum they will be sucked in like a movie's portrayal of quicksand. To be so vast on the inside, surrounded by empty air and gentle white noise like the faint pull of gravity that does not touch you. To feel so powerful as to be untethered wholly from the world, aware that you will blink and be floating alone in a space that you cannot touch and so too cannot touch you. You blink, and it is gone, and you are again in a normal body as a normal person, and you roll over and go back to sleep.

To be deific is to watch the seasonal changes and feel flashes of worn leather rope between your hands and the maddened singsong of the Wild Hunt, chariot reins in your hands and baying hounds that feel like fingers, like wings, like extensions of yourself that can be shifted around with barely a thought. To feel halfway like a black hole walking down the street, halfway caved into yourself and barely contained, incapable of truly understanding how you can be so far apart from it all without anyone noticing that something is off.

To be deific is to be a fourteen-year-old girl in one moment, unable to understand what draws her so to the wilds if not the song of sympathy that she knows she can understand if she reaches a little farther, a little farther past the barrier that prevents any mortal, psychological mind from understanding the call. To play a pixelated game and have everything rush back. To relive millennia in a single sennight, to go from chipped to broken, utterly broken, as the power comes rushing back and the slow, dawning realization like the day that there is no controlling it. That there is no controlling you.

Millennia of sins come rushing back, and you're mortal again, and you know the only way to bring a god to their knees is to kill them. And if you were spared, if you were brought down without dying, then there was a reason. That someone must have thought you worthy of fixing it. That you should now spend the next several years coming to peace with being a Devil, the cruelest of the cruel, amending fences and repenting your sins.

To be deific is to realize, quite suddenly and without ever actually having the thought, that understanding things through a Christian lens is utterly bullshit and absolutely does not apply to you. Now, your duty is not to repent, or to fix, or to find any sort of salvation. You are the monster queen, the king of the damned, the Devil of a world you made with blood and tears and sweat and magic. To retake the crown, you have to accept yourself. Acceptance does not mean dwelling, or sorrow, or refusing to take the steps forward that will carry you to the crown and halo and horn of deification.

The powers feel less overwhelming as you grow into them. You don't forget the rage. You understand your close friend's words over and over, as the lesson teaches itself. How a Devil so much less powerful and yet so much older than you once looked you in the eye, drink in hand, and gently told you that a single mortal can bring down a Devil, if they try, and believe wholeheartedly in their quest. Do not disrespect mortality. It brings nothing but death.

You wonder briefly who brought you down. You decide, as the lessons prove themselves, that you don't actually care. You're the mortal now, and mortal legends die. Mortal legends change the song of sympathy and the rules of the deific. In order to return, you too must follow the only path a mortal can take to become deific.

To be godkin is to become deific with every step. It's not to seek the divine from outside of it. It's to become it again, and reclaim it; find what was inside all along and grow yourself around it, until it can no longer be pulled from you again without scattering your ashes and stardust among the cosmos, never to return.

To be godkin is to never forget the moments of pure rage that none but powerless fourteen-year-olds can manage. To be godkin is to be an adult with their memory pressed into your skin. To be godkin is for that rage to never truly leave you.

We stand up again and stare at the emotions that are awake when we are not. We wonder what it will take to manifest again, to only twitch a thought in any direction and reshape the reality around us. It is an extension of our being, and the less aware we are of it, the less effort it takes us to remake the world. It is the nature of deification, to change the laws of reality at our whim and will.

To be godkin is simply a matter of knowing that, and forever reaching to do that once more. If only to feel whole and vast, as we always have been.