#i dont really care if they date i got my angst and by god was it good

[arunneronthird]

the new 52 was bewildering but nothing will ever top that one fucking scene

[rosexxi]

Hiii idk if you write for mattheo riddle but I was wondering if you could write a mattheo riddle × hufflepuff!reader one with princess treatment and secret dating? Maybe some angst with fluff at the end? If not no problem thank youuuuuu🦧

My Love 🌸❤️‍🔥

Dating a jealous Mattheo Riddle in secret is never a good idea

a.n // swearing, Mattheo is lowkey mean at one point

fluff/angst // m.r x hufflepuff! reader

Mattheo never was a morning person. Becoming one was one of the "good" habits he had developed since becoming your boyfriend. He was also getting less detentions, owing it to you, and your good influence. He would almost always have his homework completed, his grades were improving as he actually attended his lessons, and he no longer joined in with his childish friends as they practically bullied their classmates. He also had you believe he quit smoking. He didn't and would always discard his cigarette whenever you saw him, but how could he tell you the truth when you looked so proudly at him, as though he had the entire world in his hands.

Almost everyone around him had noticed the small changes in his behaviour, but no one needed to know that he had his own guardian angel in human form that made smiling come a lot easier to him than before.

"You're really special to me, y/n." he had whispered that secret meeting at the Black Lake. It had become a routine for the two of you to meet at the lake and spend time just being two teenagers in love without the burden of family and circumstances. After all, he was the Slytherin prince, son of the dark lord, and you were simply a girl in Hufflepuff. Nothing special, though his words would have you believing otherwise.

You were sitting between his legs as he leaned against a tree, back leaning against his chest as his arms wrapped around your waist.

You smiled at his words, how he was able to be so soft, "You're special to me too Mattheo."

He brought up a soft hand to pull your chin to face him, "I mean it, princess, you've changed my life for the better. You're so pure and kind, dont know what you're doing with me."

You looked up at him with wide eyes as you pressed a kiss in his palm.

"Don't look at me like that angel," he groaned, throwing his head back, "You don't know what you do to me."

You giggled at his exaggerated actions, "You're such a drama queen Mattheo."

"It's just what you do to me."

"Mattheo, I haven't done anything to you. You've always been a kind, caring soul, and now everyone else sees what I see."

"Lucky them." he said sarcastically, "Come on then, princess, I've got practice, and you've got a Hogsmeade date with Lavender, we can't keep her waiting." he tapped your side, and you got up, holding a hand out to pull him up. He smiled down at you when you did, always in love with how much taller he was than you. You pulled him into a hug, and he rested his chin on your shoulder.

"Meet me tonight?" he whispered.

You shook your head into his chest, "I can't, I'm studying in the library with Cho and Lavender."

He rolled his eyes, thankful you couldn't see the look of annoyance on his face. He loved you (though he hadn't yet said), but what he didn't love was the secrecy of your relationship that prevented you from doing normal couple things. To be entirely honest, it was his decision to keep the relationship a secret, but it was all for you. Everyone in Hogwarts loved you. You were popular and incredibly liked because of your friendly, positive spirit. The last thing he needed on his conscious was ruining that for you, making you be seen with him.

He leaned down to press a soft kiss on your cheek, "I'll see you later then, yeah?"

You smiled sweetly at him and nodded, "Of course, have a good practice."

.

.

"but y/n are you ok with this arrangement?" asked Lavender, your best friend, at The Three Broomsticks.

"Arrangement? God Lavender you make it sound like a business deal."

Lavender was the only person who knew about you and Mattheo, as the two of you couldn't help but gossip about everything, including your own lives.

"It sounds that way to me. I mean, he won't even talk to you in public."

"He talks to me." you muttered.

"A subtle nod of encouragement doesn't count."

You rolled your eyes at your best friend, but deep down, you knew she was telling the truth.

At the beginning of the relationship, you didn't mind that he didn't want to tell anyone, but it had been four months, and he was still treating you as this big secret. You were able to deal with it as he was a good boyfriend. You may have been dating in secret, but he always made his presence known and treated you like a princess, even if it was from a distance.

"I don't know anymore Lavender how am I even supposed to bring it up in conversation. Maybe he's ashamed of me or something."

"I really hope he isn't because then I'd have to kill him. Just ask him."

"I can't just ask him."

"Why not, I thought you weren't scared of him."

You sighed out in exasperation, "I'm not. But, I just don't want to ruin things."

Lavender stared empathetically at you, taking your hand into hers, "y/n, he's your boyfriend, acknowledging you in public is the literal bare minimum."

"I know, I'll talk to him."

.

.

"Oi big game tomorrow Smith." heckled Malfoy in Potions the next day. You rolled your eyes from beside Zacharias Smith, the chaser for Hufflepuff.

"As far as I can remember, Hufflepuff beat Slytherin last Malfoy." you said to the cocky blonde boy, "let's hope you don't get injured this time." you smiled sweetly at him. Mattheo sniggered from beside Malfoy, earning a nudge from his friend and quidditch teammate.

"What, she's not wrong." he shrugged to a scowling Malfoy, a grin evident on his usual miserable face.

"Shut it, Riddle. And you too l/n, you might want to pay more attention to Snape, last I checked you failed this class."

You rolled your eyes at the petty boy. Of all Mattheo's friends you liked Malfoy the least, he was arrogant and immature. You took your attention off of him and continued with the potion before you.

"You might want to stop paying attention to Snape, Malfoy. You act like his little pet." muttered Zacharias Smith to Malfoy. Tensions always rose near quidditch games, and Smith could have been just as petty as anyone else. His remark made you laugh out loud, especially after seeing the look of annoyance on Malfoys face.

"Is something funny Miss l/n?" Came Snape's monotonous voice.

"No sir."

Snape took one look at you and Smith down his nose and turned back to his lesson, "The two of you can join me for detention tonight and exchange as many jokes as you want then."

You rolled your eyes behind Snape's back, knowing best not to challenge his words.

"Bet you're happy to be in detention with your little girlfriend and Snape." laughed Malfoy.

"Shut it, teachers' pet." argued Smith.

"Leave it Zacharias, there's no point."

"Yeah, listen to your girlfriend Smith."

You shook your head at Malfoy's childish behaviour and raised your eyebrows at your boyfriend who stood beside him. Half expecting Mattheo to say something in your defence, but you knew he wouldn't. He wore a scowl like no other and aggressively worked on his potion, occasionally huffing in anger. Though you had no idea as to what he was angry about, if anything, you should be the angry one as he allowed his best friend to talk down to his girlfriend.

The lesson seemed to draw out, and you were glad you were paired up with Zacharias, whose jokes took your attention off of your sulking boyfriend. From the corner of your eye, you could see Mattheo burning holes into you with his intense gaze. He didn't engage once in Blaise and Draco's conversation. Instead, with his jaw clenched, he sulked over his potion.

"I'm sorry about Snape giving us detention, but I also half expected it the second Malfoy spoke." Smith said in the corridor when the class had finally finished.

"It's fine, I did aswell, we all know Malfoy has Snape in his pocket. Thanks for defending me though."

"Of course, anytime y/n, I just can't stand him, I really hope we win tomorrow, wipe the smile off his face."

"Me too, I will be cheering so much for you guys."

Zacharias smiled at you, "Then I'm sure we'll win. I'll see you at detention. I'm gonna go meet my mates, bye y/n."

"Bye Zacharias," you waved him goodbye and made your way to your dorm room.

Detention with Snape came quick and ended just the same. You and Zacharias met outside his classroom, and Snape simply had you organise some of his ingredients for class the next coming lesson.

"Bye y/n, I've got practice now but I'll see you tomorrow hopefully."

"Bye Zacharias, of course you'll see me," you smiled as you waved him goodbye. You had known Zacharias a long time, practically growing up with each other due to living in the same neighbourhood.

"Enjoy detention, did you?" came a familiar voice in the otherwise empty corridor.

"Don't think anyone enjoys detention, Mattheo." You replied as your boyfriend emerged from a dark corner.

"I waited for you," he began, stopping to inhale from his cigarette, "Seems you had good company though."

You stared at him as he fiddled with his cigarette, "I thought you quit."

"Only do it when I'm stressed." he shrugged. A clear lie. His demeaner entirely different to how he was the other day at the Black Lake.

"What's there to be stressed about? You seemed just fine sulking in potions." You said crossed your arms.

"I weren't fucking sulking, forgive me for not being all chipper when my girlfriends practically throwing herself at my rival." he spat out.

"Throwing herself?! Excuse me, Mattheo, I was simply speaking to my lifelong friend. What, you wanted me to speak to you as you practically let Malfoy be rude to me, your girlfriend might I add." You pointed an accusing finger into his chest.

"That's different, not like I was flirting with someone else in front of you."

"I was not flirting. And don't act all high and mighty when you won't even defend me. You'd rather keep me a secret so you don't have to speak up to your friends."

"I'm not scared to speak up against Malfoy," he sneered as he let out a bitter laugh, "Whatever love, I've got a game to focus on. I can't be doing with your crying because I won't hold your hand in public."

"Mattheo, that's mean." you sighed, voice threatening to break, incredibly taken aback by his harsh tones. All this because you were nice to a boy you had known forever. You should have known. Everything with Mattheo was perfect, almost too perfect it made you forget how mean he could be. He was simply no different to Malfoy, and you stupidly thought he would be.

He merely shrugged at your words and turned on his heels, marching down the corridor down to the dungeons. He left you there with tears threatening to fall.

.

.

You woke up the next day in low spirits later than usual. You managed to pull yourself out of bed and make it to breakfast just before it ended. Your eyes were puffy from crying and your face red. You managed to catch a glimpse of Mattheo sitting at the Slytherin table. He didn't look as he usually did before a quidditch match. His eyes were on you instead of on his captain, and a faint air of guilt lingered around him.

"Hey you ok y/n?" asked Cadwallader from across the table. Another one of Hufflepuff's chasers.

"Just tired. Good luck today though, all of you."

"Thanks y/n, I think we've got this win, though." winked Zacharias.

You sat with Lavender in the stands and watched absentmindedly as the two teams came onto the pitch. The Hufflepuff players wore smiles and carried a sense of certainty about them, contrasting to the scowls plastered on the Slytherin players. Draco Malfoy, captain of them all, aggressively shook the hand of the Hufflepuff captain, Cadwallader, and took his place in the sky with his other chasers, Theodore Nott and Mattheo Riddle.

Mattheo stared daggers into the Hufflepuff team, occasionally taking his eyes off of them to look down at you. The game began and seemed to be like any other. Slytherin scored first, followed by Hufflepuff, then Hufflepuff again, and Hufflepuff again. Seeing your house team win put you in higher spirits, and you laughed with your best friend, as you cheered.

You smiled up at the players, even smiling at your boyfriend though quickly regretting so as you were met with a look of anger.

"And it's Zacharias Smith again for Hufflepuff, he's on a roll," yelled Lee Evans who was quick to support anyone who wasnt Slytherin, "And the Hufflepuff seeker has found the golden snitch and Hufflepuff win!! Wait, seems as though Riddle isn't too happy with that one."

The smile on your face was quickly wiped away, as were the feelings of joy to see your house win. You were now staring down at the pitch with wide eyes as Mattheo Riddle was single handedly throwing punches and spitting harsh words at both Smith and Cadwallader. You quickly brought your hands to your mouth, gasping in shock at the actions of your boyfriend. You had seen Mattheo in plenty of fights during your time at Hogwarts, but it was harder to watch now that you were in fact his girlfriend.

"Haha go on Cadwallader, tiny lad but he's finally landed a punch, and Smith lanky git," chuckled Evans as he commented on the spectacle that had everyone's attention, "Riddle is now joined by Malfoy and Nott who are not coming to fight but to pull him away. Awh, shame, I wanted to see a proper fight. Sorry, professor, definitely not supporting aggression in Quidditch. Ooh, Smith and Cadwallader look nasty, but they've finally taken Riddle off. Well, dragged him off. No one likes a sore loser, Mattheo mate."

You wanted to follow Mattheo into the dressing room and ask him a million question, well shout them at him, but you knew he'd only lash out at you. Mattheo had actually never spoken to you in any way other than calmly. Even back to before you had begun dating Mattheo was almost nice to you, but in his current state you knew best than to approach him.

After some time, you hesitated around the locker rooms if you should enter. Even if you had fought yesterday, you were his girlfriend and maybe he needed you. It seemed that the other players had all gone, and only Theodore and Mattheo were left. Just then, Theodore left the changing room.

"Oh hi y/n, you should definitely go see him." he nodded nonchalantly.

"Theodore, you know?" you managed to get out, though incredibly taken aback at his nod of acknowledgement.

"Oh, I always knew. Riddle told me way back when he had used to fancy you," he shrugged, "you should know what he did last night was shitty but he did have a go at everyone if that balances it out."

"He what?"

"Yeah, after he came back from your detention, he had a go at Malfoy. Said if he ever spoke about his girl again, he'd break his face." Theodore laughed, "He really likes you y/n, he's just a bit awkward with his feelings and words, not to mention incredibly insecure. Don't tell him I said that though."

"Thanks Theodore I won't, I'll go talk to him."

You walked into the Slytherin locker room cautiously. It was seemingly empty, but there in the corner was your boyfriend. Mattheo. He was sat shirtless hunched over the bench, his head in his hands. You walked closer to him to see his bare back covered in old bruises and scars. It hurt your heart to be reminded of the painful past he had to endure. Upon hearing your footsteps, he lifted his head, turning to face you.

"Hi." He whispered.

His face was covered in dried blood. His lip was cut, as well as his eyebrow, and you were sure he had had a nose bleed aswell.

"Oh, Mattheo." you whispered upon seeing him, wanting nothing more than to hold him and clean him up, "What happened?"

"It doesn't matter," he shrugged, "Are you here to break up with me?"

"Break up with you? Why would I do that?"

"Because look at me," he laughed, "I picked a fight with your friends."

You shook your head and made your way towards him, sitting down between his legs and holding his hands in yours.

"I don't care about them Mattheo I care about you. But I can't do anything about it if you push me away which is what it feels like."

"I know," he nodded, looking anywhere but at you. He seemed frustrated, "It's just stupid, I don't know how to say it."

"Just say words I'll put them together."

"You're too kind, princess," he shook his head, "I just got jealous when I saw you with your Hufflepuff friends. It's stupid. Reminds me of why I wanted to keep you, us a secret in the first place. And then I saw them today, and that tiny arse wanted to ask you out, and we were losing, and I lost it."

You brushed your fingertips over the bruises on his knuckles, again a million questions on your mind. You never knew why Mattheo wanted to keep the two of you a secret.

"You wanted to keep us a secret because you were ashamed of me because I'm in Hufflepuff?"

"What?" he said, clearly taken aback and confused by your words. His eyes finally met yours, "I wanted to keep us a secret because I'm ashamed of myself. Because how could I openly date you when you're so kind and pure and I'm me. Look at me. I got into a fight with two people just because they're your friends. I'm not right for you, y/n. I'm not what you deserve, I'm violent and aggressive."

"Mattheo? Stop it. Don't talk about yourself like that, please. I'm with you because I like you for you and I want to be with you. I don't see you the way you see yourself. This whole time, I thought you wanted us to be a secret because you were embarrassed to be dating me and didn't want your friends to see."

"Fuck my friends."

You laughed softly at him, "I wish you had just said this to me, everything could have been avoided."

"I know," he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, "I'm not good with words."

"Theodore said."

"You spoke to Nott?"

"He told me you told Malfoy you'd break his face if he spoke to me again."

"I will. I'm so sorry angel for not defending you, I should have punched Malfoy right then and there."

"Maybe not so much physical violence."

"I'll work on it. But I messed up so much y/n, I don't know how to make this up to you. I shouldn't have let you think for one minute that I was ashamed of you. How could I be. You're beautiful inside and out, like an angel. You're too pure for this world, for me."

You smiled away at his words and his actions as he brought up a bruised hand to tuck your hair behind your ear. Leaning into press a kiss on your forehead.

"I'm perfect for you as you are for me. You can make it up to me by apologising to Smith and Cadwallader and then finally taking me on a proper date."

"Fine, I'll apologise to Smith, I know he's your friend, but absolutely not to Cadwallader, he wanted to ask my girlfriend out."

"He didn't know I was your girlfriend." you pointed out.

"Don't give a fuck, I'll make everyone aware now. But yes, I will take you on a date. I've never been on a date before, but I'll do some research."

You giggled at his words, leaning into press a kiss onto his lips. You wrapped your hands around his neck, going into deepen the kiss but his groans from beneath stopped you.

"Sorry did I hurt you."

"No, no," he shook his head, but the look of pain on his face said otherwise. You got up from the floor, holding a hand out for him to take.

He took it and again leaned into press a kiss onto your forehead when he stood up to tower of you.

You looked up at him with wide eyes as he brought up a calloused hand to caress your cheek. "You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen."

You smiled sweetly at him as you rubbed the blood of his lips, "You can stare at my beautiful eyes as much as you want after we visit Madam Pomfrey."

"Can't wait my love."

"My love? That's a new one, I like it."

He shrugged nonchalantly, "It's the truth. You are my love. I love you."

And just then, you wanted to melt into his chest. You leaned up to press a soft peck, before replying, "I love you too."

"Don't think anyone has ever loved me before."

"They're missing out on so much, but at least this way I have you all to myself. Loving you is so easy when you're not being a jealous ass."

"Hah, I deserved that. Of course, princess, I'm all yours. Come with me to the hospital wing."

Hand in hand, you both left the locker room, making your way through the castle to the hospital wing. You received a few shocked looks from classmates, but one look from Mattheo, and they instantly turned away. You laughed at this, happy to see the effect of your scary boyfriend.

Both Smith and Cadwallader were in the hospital wing, getting treated for their various cuts and bruises. You couldn't see from afar before, but Riddle really laid into them.

You turned to Mattheo, nodding in their direction. He rolled his eyes but eventually made his way over to them.

"I really don't want to y/n, I've never apologised for a fight." he said on the way over.

"You can start now."

Upon seeing Riddle, both Hufflepuff players instantly sat up, though both looked incredibly surprised to see your hand locked with the Slytherin boys.

"Hi. So I'm sorry, Smith, for picking a fight with you. My girlfriend likes you, so I guess you're alright. I'm not sorry to you though Cadwallader, you wanted to ask my girlfriend out."

Neither one of the boys replied, only stared with their mouths agape.

"Well?" Riddle asked almost threateningly.

"Babe that's not really an apology."

"It's the best they're getting from me." he shrugged before going to sit on a spare bed waiting patiently for Madame Pomfrey.

"Sorry about him." you smiled.

"Its ok y/n, just a bit shocked you're dating."

You nodded and explained how the relationship began.

"I'm happy for you y/n, you deserve a boy who'd kill for you. Preferably not us but oh well." Zacharias eventually said.

"Yeah, y/n, please tell him I'm really sorry for saying I'd ask you out, jheez I had no idea."

"No, it's fine really, how could you have known."

You said your byes and made your way back to Mattheo, who was getting treated by Madam Pomfrey. Upon seeing you, he smiled and opened up the duvet, making way for you.

"You can stay till visiting hours are over." warned Madam Pomfrey.

"I'm sorry again y/n." he whispered once she left.

"Don't be," you said as you turned to rest your head on his chest, "I just wish you would have told me."

He brought up a hand to play with your hair.

"I know, princess, you're mine, dont know why I'd wanna keep that a secret."

"At least Snape will go easier on me now if he knows I'm dating a slytherin."

Mattheo laughed, "You're using me now for connections. Don't worry, my love, everyone will know we're dating, I'll scream it in the courtyard if you want me to."

"That'd be nice."

.

.

[soursturniolo]

Scare • Matt Sturniolo

pairing: matt sturniolo/fem!reader

summary: matt and you handle a pregnancy scare.

tags: angst and then fluff, with some humor sprinkled in. happy ending.

tw: light discussion of periods and pregnancy

It feels like my heart stops as I look at the calendar on my phone.

9 days late. And I’m never late.

I noticed this morning that my box of tampons still sat in the cabinet, unopened, in Matt and I’s shared bathroom. I hadn’t thought anything of it, until I opened my calendar to see when my next dentist appointment is.

I swallow dryly as I lock my phone and slip it back into my pocket, dropping down to sit on Matt and I’s bed. All I can think about is that damn calendar. 9 days late. 9 whole days. One or two days is normal I guess, but nine entire days?

I can feel my thoughts spiraling already. Matt and I are safe. I’m on a good birth control and we use condoms often. But even those aren’t foolproof. I do remember forgetting my pill twice this month.

Oh god. What if I’m pregnant? I’m not ready for a kid right now.

Oh god, and Matt. Matt isn’t ready either. With his career and plans with his brothers there’s no way this could even work right now. It would ruin everything. I feel tears of worry and anxiety fill my eyes and begin to drop down my cheeks.

My thoughts just continue to spiral and spiral, until I feel the bed dip next to me. I turn to see Nick, who had stayed behind with me while Matt and Chris went out to pick up some groceries.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” He asks concerned, his arm wrapping around my shoulder, pulling me into a side hug as we sat together.

I open my mouth to speak as my eyes meet his, but all that comes out is a sob. My hand moves to cover my mouth as more sobs follow. Nicks face creases in worry as his other arm wraps around me, pulling me into a hug as he rubs my back soothingly.

“Deep breaths, babe. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay,” he tells me, making me jerk back as I shake my head.

“No it won’t! He’s going to hate me!” I cry.

“If you’re talking about Matt, that kid could never hate you,” Nick tells me, voice calm and reassuring.

“I don’t know, Nick,” I laugh without humor, “this might.”

“Did you cheat?” Nick asks face calm, but apprehensive.

“No! God no,” I immediately answer.

Nick gives a small smile at the quick response.

“Okay, highly doubted it when I asked anyway,” he laughs, “but I don’t know what else could have you so upset thinking he’s going to hate you. You can talk to me, I want to help. What’s wrong?” He asks again.

I sigh. Nicks my best friend. He’s how I met Matt in the first place. I really wanted to just talk to Matt about this first, but with LA traffic and all Matt probably won’t be back for another hour. I don’t think I can survive another hour keeping this all bottled up.

“Nick, it’s bad,” I begin, voice shaken.

“I don’t care how bad, I’m here,” he immediately responds.

I take a deep breath.

“I’m late.” I state.

If this wasn’t so serious, Nicks reaction would have been funny. He stares at me blankly for a moment, before his head cocks to the side a bit in confusion.

“Like, to an appointment?” He asks, lost.

“No, Nick,” I sigh, shaking my head, “my period is late” the last part comes out like a whisper.

Once Nick connects the dots his jaw drops open a bit in surprise, confirming my feelings.

“See! It’s so bad, Nick, this is so bad!” I yell, jumping up from the bed and beginning to nervously pace in front of where Nick sits, still shocked.

“N-no, it’s not bad!” He stutters as he watches me with wide eyes.

I stop pacing and just look at him.

“Really? Not bad? Your jaw dropped open like that because you were trying to catch a fly, then?” I ask sarcastically.

“Listen, I just got confronted with the fact that my best friend and brother fuck, I needed a second,” he defends, hands up.

“Nick, we’ve been dating a year. We dont go to bed and play clash of clans together,” I tell him, making him roll is eyes.

“I know! I know but I also don’t think about it and now we kinda have to think about it and I don’t like it!” Nick exclaims.

“Don’t think about it!” I yell back.

We pause for a minute, staring at each other before we both crack smiles at how ridiculous this has become. We laugh and I return to sitting next to him. Nick wraps his arm around my shoulder again and rests his head against mine.

“So, how late are we talking?” He asks, getting back to the important point.

“9 days,” I whisper.

“Okay. Not horrible. Could be later,” he says, nodding. I nod too. A moment of silence passes as I nervously pick at my nails and Nick stares at the wall, thinking.

“Well, I think we know what we gotta do.” He says, softly.

I turn to him, knowing too.

“Let me call Matt, he should still be at the store with Chris. They can pick up a test,” Nick says. I take another shaky breath before nodding in agreement. I get my phone out and go to Matt’s contact, dialing his number before handing my phone to Nick.

“Hey baby,” Matt’s voice comes through the speaker softly.

“Hey, it’s Nick,” Nick says, earning a confused noise from Matt.

“Nick? Why do you have her phone? Is she okay?” He asks quickly, his concern making me smile softly despite the stressful situation.

“Um,” Nick pauses, which only worries Matt further.

“‘Um’, isn’t a good answer when a guy asks about his girlfriend, Nick,” Matt responds quickly.

“Sorry, she’s okay, but we need you to pick up something else for her while you’re at the store,” Nick says.

“Okay, what?” Matt asks.

Nick looks at me, encouraging me to speak. I take a breath before taking the phone out of Nicks hands, taking it off speaker and holding it to my ear.

“I need a pregnancy test,” I tell him softly.

I cringe as there’s a moment of silence on the other end of the line.

“Okay, I can grab that. Do you need anything else, sweetheart?” He asks softly. I smile again despite the tears I can feel coming again.

“No, that’s it,” I whisper.

“Okay, we’ll be back soon, I love you,” he tells me.

“Love you too” I say back before hanging up.

Nick and I move downstairs, where he puts on a movie for us to distract us while we wait. I let myself be pulled into its predictable plot line as we wait for Matt and Chris to come home.

We both are startled out of our focus on the movie when we hear the front door unlock, followed by it opening to reveal Matt coming in with a mostly empty plastic bag in his hand, while Chris came in carrying the other groceries. Nick moves to help Chris and grabs some of the heavier bags from him, both of them walking to the kitchen while Matt walks over to me.

I stand as he meets me by the couch. He looks surprisingly calm, while meanwhile I feel like my insides are shaking with the anxiety I’m feeling right now. He gives me a small smile before wrapping me in his arms. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding as I relax into his arms, resting my head against his chest. He gives me a gentle squeeze as I feel him press a kiss to my head.

“Let’s head to my room, baby,” he whispers, pulling back from the hug and grabbing my hand to lead me that way. Once in his room, he hands me the bag with the pregnancy test in it before sitting on his bed. Before walking to our bathroom, I pause.

“Matt, I need to know what this will mean,” I tell him.

He gives a small smile and holds his hand out to me. I walk over and grab it. He gives my hand a gentle squeeze, before bringing it up to lips to give it a kiss.

“We’ll do it together. Whatever it is. Sure, I thought kids would be later. But, if now is the time, now is the time. I think I’d be more freaked if this was with some random girl. But with you? I know whatever happens, we will be just fine,” he tells me, before giving the back of my hand another kiss.

“You promise?” I ask.

“I swear,” he tells me.

I smile and nod, before heading to the bathroom. The test is quick and easy, and I’m soon done. I leave the test on the bathroom counter, set my timer for fifteen minutes, and come back out to sit next to Matt on our bed. I rest my head on his shoulder as Matt wraps his arm around me. We just quietly sit, both of us lost in our thoughts as we wait, only to be shaken out of our trances by my phone loudly going off.

I sigh as I stand and walk back to the bathroom to grab the test. I pick it up, careful to not flip it over to show the result, and walk back out to Matt. I stop in front of him. He gives me another reassuring smile as his hands come up to rest on my hips.

“Ready?” I ask, voice cracking.

“Yeah, baby,” he says.

I take a deep breath, knowing this small test in my hand could change everything for the both of us. But I look at Matt, looking up at me with so much warmth and comfort in his eyes, and it’s not so scary anymore.

I flip the test over, both of our eyes moving to see the result.

Negative.

“It’s negative!” I say, laughing. He smiles too, standing and pulling me into a tight hug. We both rock back and forth as we hug, feeling relief. We pull back from the hug and Matt kisses me softly. We both smile into the kiss.

After we part, we walk hand in hand out to the living room where Chris and Nick both sit. They both give us smiles when we walk in.

“So, are we going to be uncles?!” Chris yells, practically bouncing on the couch in excitement.

Matt rolls his eyes, shaking his head while I laugh.

“No, it’s negative. My periods just late, that’s all. It happens sometimes,” I tell them, almost feeling bad when Chris pouts a bit.

We spend the rest of the night laughing and watching movies together, Matt holding me snug in his arms. That night when we go to bed, Matt says something that surprises me.

“Is it bad that I was just a little disappointed?” He asks me softly.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Well, when you first called and asked for the test I was freaking out on the inside. But then I talked to Chris a bit and the whole drive home I thought about it. And then I thought about a little us, a mix of you and me. And as life changing as a kid right now would be, I got excited,” he says, voice soft and quiet.

I smile, leaning in to press my lips softly against Matt’s.

“We’ll have a little us someday, just not quite yet.” I tell him.

“You promise?” He asks.

“I swear.”

[livingemkayde]

ch iv. tacit

joel miller x f!reader x unrequited!tommy miller (no outbreak AU)

chapter four of chaser

warnings: 18+ minors please dni. love triangle forming formed. lots of angst, miscommunications. very brief mentions of sexual situations. age gap, reader is 23 and joel is 35. Tommy is 30. (ages of all characters and plot do not follow canon strictly for the story’s sake).

summary: tommy miller 'accidentally' sets joel up on a blind date on your night out. you're definitely not happy about it, and neither is joel.

a/n: tried something kinda new with this chapter. Been feeling like my writing as a whole lowkey gives bare bones considering all my edits and things i cut out so i tried to keep most of my ideas, just refined them more. ~ THIS SYMBOL REPRESENTS POV CHANGE. Really trying to rein in the idea that they’re fucking terrible at communicating and they interpret situations differently (but differently in such a similar way). If yall liked this please lmk. and dont worry things will get better in the next chapter (i already have half of it written).

if you would like to read more of mine: masterlist!

“I did good, didn’t I?”  What the fuck. “What?” you echo your thoughts, looking over at Tommy. He smiles at the pair.  “She’s my next door neighbor. I fixed up her mailbox and got to talkin’ — said I thought she would get along with Joel.”  “You invited her?” you ask, your voice small. “Yeah,” Tommy laughs and rubs your shoulder. “‘S what I just said, baby.” 

“Are you serious?” you almost want to hit Joel upside the head. 

He just nods, raising his beer to you and chugging down a good portion of it. 

“God. You’re kidding, right?” You turn back to Tommy. 

“Sorry, baby. Dead serious.” 

“Jesus,” you shake your head, tipping back the remainder of your second drink. 

Tommy’s birthday. On Sunday. As in like, two days from now, and you had no clue, not until this very moment, the two brothers staring back at you like they don’t see the issue with this. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“‘M tellin’ you now?” Tommy laughs. You shove him playfully. 

“Well, we have to throw you a party,” you announce, shaking your head at the thought that maybe, if Joel didn’t say anything, you wouldn’t have known about Tommy’s birthday at all. 

“No, I don’t think —” 

“No excuses,” you say, shrugging your shoulders and giving him a shy smile. “Joel and I will take care of it. Right?” you look over at him, but he stares back with wide eyes. 

He stutters out words, trying to give an excuse, but doesn’t get very far. 

“Joel and I will throw you a party,” you say, giving Joel a teasing look. “You gotta up my pay, Miller.” 

“In your dreams, I pay you plenty. And Sarah’s an angel — I’m basically paying you to sit around and hang out.” 

“‘S hard work,” you chuckle, the boys laugh. “Can we use your backyard, Joel?” 

“Why.” 

“You have a pool…and a barbecue…and a lawn.” 

“Jesus. ‘S like y’all don’t own houses.” 

“Great! Party at Joel’s,” you smile at him, teasing almost — flirting. But you reel it in at Tommy’s voice. 

They start talking about something regarding the current state of Joel’s backyard and you get lost in the conversation, itching to approach the bar and get another drink. 

Your phone buzzes, it’s Olivia calling. You excuse yourself and make a quick break outside. 

“Hello?” 

Hey babe, so how’s it going? Am I interrupting anything??

You roll your eyes. 

“Liv, c’mon. Tommy is here with us,” you say into the phone, peering back at the brothers perched on a high table through the window. 

Ugh. Fucking buzzkill. So you’re not gonna make a move tonight? 

“Jesus. No — no.” 

Sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself more than me. 

“If I get some alone time with him then maybe we’ll — talk about it. I guess…” you look back to them again. Joel’s eyes catch yours and you turn around quickly. 

“I dunno though. Tommy’s being clingy.” 

He’s always clingy. Sneak Joel into the bathroom, maybe y'all can go for round two.

“Liv!” you chastise, your cheeks heat at the thought. 

Keep me posted. And have fun, girl. 

“I will, thanks. Love you, bye.” 

Love you, bye. 

You hang up, rubbing your hands on your upper arms to shield yourself from the cold. You need another drink desperately. 

You walk back in. The roaring crowd meets your ears immediately. Dim string lights and a couple shots in and things had been going — good. 

Relatively good. The best you could hope for out of your Friday night out with the boys. 

Joel isn’t being an ass and Tommy is relatively chill so things have been good. It’s fun being out with them. Especially when Tommy might be too distracted by the crowd to see you staring at Joel — the way his biceps stretch the cotton of his t-shirt. The way his lips curl around his glass. The glint in his eyes when he laughs. And you know for certain, Tommy doesn’t notice Joel’s hand resting on your thigh for a couple, fleeting seconds every so often.

You approach the bar and ask for another drink. You’re not sure where you stand with Joel, you two haven’t been afforded much alone time since the phone call. But things might finally feel good. Especially between the brothers. 

Maybe it had been way too good — way too calm — because something always had to fuck everything up — and this was that moment. 

A long legged blonde walks through the double doors like a scene out of a movie. Somewhere deep down in the teenage part of your psyche, you want to say her clothes are ill-fitting, her lipstick — a garish shade of mauve, her hair — coarse and utterly damaged. But it’s not. She’s none of those things. 

She's perfect.

It's been two days since the incident on the phone. Joel and Tommy have been sort of MIA with a big part of their project — coming back home late, when Sarah’s already asleep. You got your car fixed (all on your own) so you leave them with some leftovers on the table as soon as they get back. 

“Thanks, sweetheart.” 

Joel had said when you pointed out the food on the table last night. You recall everyone’s eyes widening, the pet name slipping from his lips with ease. It sounded like butter to your ears — fighting the urge to smile a mile wide and kiss him like you’ve been begging to do since the day you met. But you knew Tommy noticed, you all noticed. Joel brushed it off with a cough, saying something about how it had been a particularly rough day. 

Tommy didn’t say much about it. But he wasn’t acting strange which was good. Even tonight, he’s still acting himself — it’s a bit of a relief. 

Even now, when surprisingly, Tommy stands and greets the woman, pulling her into a hug. Joel stands too, though he looks a bit confused.

You stare at them from the bar, Tommy says something to Joel, obviously introducing the blonde to him. Joel’s face contorts into recognition at the name, maybe Tommy has mentioned her before. 

You don’t even notice the bartender placing your drink down in front of you, abandoning it and beelining towards them. The drink sweats on the bartop, alone. Forgotten. 

“Why don’t you go with Joel?” Tommy says, ushering her towards Joel’s side. “Grab her a drink?”

You look up at Joel in passing, the blonde on his other side, you try to keep your face normal, but a look slithers onto your brow. He knows exactly what you’re trying to say. 

What the fuck?

His eyes scrunch for a half second, saying, I don’t know, either and stalks away with the blonde. You watch them leave, but Tommy’s voice snaps you out of your trance, a heavy arm braces itself over your shoulder as you both watch them approach the bar. 

“I did good, didn’t I?” 

What the fuck.

“What?” you echo your thoughts, looking over at Tommy. He smiles at the pair. 

“She’s my next door neighbor. I fixed up her mailbox and got to talkin’ — said I thought she would get along with Joel.” 

“You invited her?” you ask, your voice small.

“Yeah,” Tommy laughs and rubs your shoulder. “‘S what I just said, baby.” 

Joel looks — you don’t really know what he looks like. He doesn’t look completely uninterested, but you can spot the glint in his eye a million miles away. And when he lacks it too, like right now. 

But maybe you like to imagine what his eyes look like — just for you. How you can feel his glances from across a room, how his eyes meet yours through a crowded bar and never let go. Like a string attaches your irises and pulls you, locked together, forever. 

It doesn’t seem like he’s looking at her like that but you’re beginning to realize you know nothing of what these boys might do. 

It’s not like Joel owes you anything in this moment — and you’re not asking him. You know what he has to do to save both of your asses from Tommy’s precise, unwavering eyes, and he’s doing it. He’s strong — but you’re not sure if you’ve got that kind of fight in you. To let him go, with wandering eyes and wandering, delicate fingers braced all over his body. Maybe this is how he feels — no — now you’re certain your feelings match Joel’s in those fleeting moments when he catches you with Tommy. 

It leaves you feeling sick. Guilty? Sure. Sad? Oh, definitely. 

Jealous? Yeah. That one. 

Even if it might be unrightfully so. But you keep it down the best you can. 

“You think they look good together?” Tommy says from the table now. You don’t remember him moving. 

“Yeah,” you reply in a soft voice. 

He clears his throat when you stare at them for too long. 

“Yeah,” you say again, louder, when you turn to him. He smiles back. 

“‘S what I thought, too.” he throws some trail mix into his mouth. “Think she might be good for him.” 

“Good for him,” you echo, absentmindedly. The only thing you can think about — and look at, for that matter — is the way her manicured fingers brush over his arm, and how he doesn’t push them away. 

Good for him.  

She seems good for him. Maybe all he needs is a bobbing blonde bimbo in his life. Something to brighten up his day. You thought you were good for him. Thought you were good for his life. Thought you were good for everyone. 

But when he laughs a bit — you can’t help but wonder: what do you think you know anymore? 

“You alright?” 

You snap your head to Tommy again. 

You feel like crying but you bite back the desperate tears. 

“Yeah,” you say, the feeling in your throat rising with your reply, and even more so with the next. “‘M fine.” 

You watch the bartender set a drink down in front of the unnamed woman and she accepts it graciously. The pair begins to walk back, she’s close to Joel’s side. You bite your tongue, whipping out your phone instead to sneak Olivia a sad, solemn text.

You look down, the tears pooling to the front of your eye, momentarily blurring your vision like someone just released a flash bomb in the bar — maybe an ambush — this certainly feels like one. 

You can’t really read the legibility of your writing, knowing it's littered with typos, your thumbs moving faster than your mind —  saying something about a woman and Joel and almost regrettably because of how in the moment you are right now — how fucking stupid Tommy Miller is — even though you know this is far from his fault. 

The pair stands before you. The woman smiles down at you — your body failing to stand until Tommy puts a gentle hand on your shoulder, ushering you up to your feet. 

Why is everything coming out of Tommy’s mouth muffled to your ears? 

Maybe Joel can see the unshed tears in your eyes, but he stops the introduction on its head — the pity clear in his voice. That you can hear. The honey-rich, southern — homey — sound of his drawl punching through the sound barrier of stupid teenage hurt feelings and childish jealousy wrapped around you like a blanket—

“You alright, sweetheart?” 

There it is again. That fucking pet name that holds you in a vice grip, sends shooting electricity down your spine, makes you want to scream out to the entire bar — please — please. Just stop this bullshit, end it. Press rewind to five minutes ago when things seemed to be going good and make this — fucking please — make this stop. 

But you don’t say that. The tears recede at his voice, you smile up at him like a scene rehearsed and then back to the blonde. She stares at you, her brow a bit cocked and at his words — you know this is far from the acting normal you and Joel unspokenly try to adhere to. Even in the worst circumstances — like this one. 

“Yeah,” you brush him off quickly, he moves to speak but you cut him off, a surprisingly cool tone braced on your lips. 

“Nice to meet you,” you smile, taking her hand, telling her your name. “Tommy said you’re his neighbor?” 

“Yeah that’s right,” she laughs. “Quite the handyman.” 

“I try my best,” Tommy jests from beside you. She laughs. 

“Caroline,” she finishes with, dropping your hand. You smile back. 

She’s pretty, and nice, and fucking funny and you want to be so fucking mean to her because she’s got her hands all over Joel and she’s insanely gorgeous but you know better. You like to think you're far from your teenage years — even if you feel like you’re drowning in your numbers. 

You can see her better in this light. 

A lump in your throat forms because what’s even worse than her being pretty is that she looks older. 

More like Tommy — more like Joel. 

More age appropriate. 

Less like you. 

“So what do you do?” Caroline says as you all sit. 

“Oh. I’m Joel’s nanny—” you stifle an awkward laugh. You’ve never said that out loud. 

“Joel needs a nanny?” she bites back with a witty smirk on her face. Everyone laughs. 

“I’m Sarah’s babysitter, just got my bachelors in May though,” you laugh back. She nods. 

“What did you study?” 

“English.” 

“Ah. English. Remember those days.” 

“What do you do?” 

“I’m a journalist. Work for some company no one cares about, blah blah blah. You get it,” she says, sipping on her drink. 

Great. Journalist. 

“Do you like it?” Tommy asks from beside you. You get lost in her words, not really hearing anything besides how she's better and farther along in a similar field as you. 

You mumble something to Tommy about how you need another drink, hopping to the bar when everyone settles into the conversation. 

Like clockwork, you can feel Joel’s eyes on you, tracking you across the bar and when you slip further into the crowd. 

You push through to get to the bathroom but when you arrive, you freeze. 

How could you be so stupid? 

You’re surprised the door to that bathroom doesn’t show your fingerprints and scratch marks from the other side. You remember it being nicer than it currently stands before you. A small smile finds its way to your lips at the thought. Everything seems to fade when you think about that night — when you think about how Joel makes you feel. 

But you can’t go back in. That would be setting yourself up for the ultimate failure. Disqualifying you from the race because of a faulty start. 

You push into the next bathroom, some ways down the small hallway. 

The door shuts behind you, a rumbling tune plays through the walls of the bathroom, shaking the mirror and ruining the look you try to get at yourself. You can almost see the fatal flaw written on your face through the rippling glass: the thought that this would ever work out between you and Joel. 

~

The woman beside Joel keeps touching him. 

It’s not that it bothers him, particularly. It’s just that he can feel her wanting need pulse off her body like a fire alarm. The thought that he might look her way now is comical. Especially when you slip towards the bathroom. The same fucking bathroom all those weeks ago. Like it’s been sitting here waiting for the two of you to get inside and let hell break loose. 

But it stares at Joel and bites back with teeth and fangs when you slip inside. Normally a smirk or even a wide smile would be wedged on his face from the implication. Follow me inside, tell me what you’re thinking with your actions, not words. Pin me up against the wall, let me say your name. Let me tell you I’m yours. But everything about right now screams the opposite of That Night. 

It’s different this time. Instead, he can feel the sadness at your greeting and the look in your eye that followed. 

Tommy is such a fucking idiot.

 Joel’s always known there was a temper on Tommy since they were young. And there has always been that godforsaken sibling rivalry because Tommy turned out to be a good man. And as Joel reasons with himself — maybe Tommy is a better man than he is because all Joel wants to do is follow you into the bathroom, see if you’re alright, ask you to forget about this nonsense and just stay with him. Don’t let this push you to Tommy. Don’t let this ruin everything that’s been building. 

Maybe that makes him a bad man for wanting. But maybe it also makes him a good man for not following through. 

He can’t even drink anymore. The light beers are clearing from his head, but honestly, he was dead sober at the sight of you with unshed tears in your eyes. 

But when you emerge from the bathroom like nothing is wrong, Joel falters. He isn’t sure what to do when you request a drink from the bar — and he isn’t sure what to do when it turns out to be a shot, you down it in one gulp and don’t ask for a chaser. 

Maybe you want it to hurt. 

It’s the first indication that something — anything — is wrong. And Joel would wager a million on what that something is. 

Joel thought it had been clear the night of the dinner at his house. He thought his silent words snuck into Tommy’s brain enough to send a clear signal. Back off, dude. 

But apparently it didn’t. Because this woman is sitting next to him, and her hand rests on his knee now. And she keeps snaking her fingers through to rest on his bicep. And he’s just about had enough. 

“You should come. Right, Joel?” 

“Huh,” he pushes out, looking back to his brother. 

“To my party?” 

It’s almost like Tommy is pleading with him. And he’s not sure what to say. Of course he doesn’t want her to come. But it’s Tommy’s party and the kick under the table from Tommy’s boot forces the words out of his mouth even though he wants to say the opposite. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

Tommy gives him a look. Joel knows this woman — Caroline — is nice. Hell, she might’ve even caught his eye if he wasn’t worshiping the ground you walk on. Maybe Tommy knew that too, and that’s why he invited her. She seems nice, and funny, but Joel can’t get you off his mind. The thought of you — like a bee who won’t quit buzzing around a flower. 

“Need some water. Y’all want anythin’?” 

They shake their heads and give their thanks but Joel wasn’t really paying much attention to them anyways. He can only look around the bar and see an apparent lack of your figure — anywhere. 

He stands and searches for you, only to see your figure in a flash, walking towards the entrance. He catches your arm and you turn to him, a feigned, sad smile appears on your face. 

Jesus. 

You can’t even look him in the eyes — hold the unbreaking eye contact he made a mental note of when you two first met. 

“What a’you doin’?” Joel asks, trying to keep his voice from wavering. 

“Need some air,” you say. 

Joel follows you wordlessly. He doesn’t care if his date or his brother sees him walk you out. It’s nothing to hide from. You guys are — friends. 

The cool air hits his skin. He sees that you’re cold, but doesn’t want to hold you against him like he desperately needs to — at the implication that maybe you’d turn him down. Or worse, push him away. 

“So…a party,” Joel starts with, grimacing internally at his chosen words. 

“Yeah — if you don’t wanna help, you don’t have to. I was just joking in ther—” 

Joel cuts you off. It hurts a bit — the thought that you think he wouldn’t want to help you. 

“I do — wanna help.” 

You smile shyly. 

“Pick me up tomorrow? We’ll go shopping.” 

“Be there at four, Sarah's goin’ to a friend’s for dinner and a sleepover.”

“She’s got more social battery than me,” you chuckle, looking back into the bar. 

“You ‘n me combined — maybe she got it from Tommy.” 

“Maybe,” you echo. 

Suddenly, the air feels less playful. 

“I didn’t know,” Joel starts with because he doesn’t know what else to say. His words make you laugh a bit. He doesn’t know what to do anymore. All he wants is you. 

“I know —” another laugh, but he knows you think none of this is funny. “You don’t have to explain yourself.” 

Is it just him or is the glint in your eyes gone?

“No, I…Jesus. Tommy just — fuckin’ — I don’t know her, I — know of her. But I didn’t tell him I wanted to meet her.” 

“Joel,” you say, your voice breaking a bit. “It’s okay.” 

But it’s not okay. He can see that much displayed on your face. 

“She seems nice,” you note. His brows furrow because he can tell you’re being genuine. Why does it seem like you want him to admit it too?

“C’mon,” he says, a harsh chuckle in the form of a crisp breath escapes his mouth, pleading with you— 

Stop this. 

~

“What do you want me to say?” you whisper, breathless. He stares back at you like he doesn’t know what could possibly be running through your head. You need him to say his truth now. Or honestly? You’re not sure it’ll ever come out and you’ll be left behind forever. 

“Anythin’ but that,” he breathes, the air puffs cold around your face.

You want to speak but nothing comes out. You wrap your arms around yourself, the cold biting through your thin top. He looks unmoving and warm. But he stands with his hands shoved in his pockets. 

Why isn’t he holding you?

“Well she does,” his brows cock at your words. “Seem nice.”

“I don’t like her. I —” 

I like you. I want you. I need you. 

It’s on the tip of his tongue. Maybe he’s about to confess and the dam holding all your feelings from the last month will break through. But he’s searching for the words — and that’s when you know. Because he shouldn’t be searching for anything. Not when it comes so easy to you. Not when what he makes you feel is threatening to spill from your lips at every chance you get. He shouldn’t be searching for the right things to say when you can think of a million possibilities. 

He steps forward, grabbing your hand in his. His fingers play with yours as you wait with bated breath. Waiting for the —

Be with me, stay with me. Forget about them. Forget about everything. I just need you. 

You hold out for one last moment. Maybe he can’t articulate his feelings as well as they ring true in his mind. 

You step back a bit, moving to turn, moving to open your body as a silent invitation for him to follow you. Your fingers pull on his a bit towards your direction, pulling him, propelling him towards what you want him to say. But he doesn’t say those words. Instead— 

“Where are you goin’?” 

Your hand holding his fingers pulls slightly again. A life raft. A beacon of hope. The last twinge that you have to offer him so he can finally break down his walls and be with you. 

Because that’s all you want. You just want him. 

“Home.” 

You say it. It might be the first time since Caroline walked through the doors that he’s looked into your eyes. You’re pleading with him. With every ounce in your body. Just fucking say it. 

It's a silent invitation, you ask him with your eyes. And with the fingers pulling at his. 

Come with me. To my house, to my bed. Stay with me. Come with me. Leave them behind, and stay the night, stay till the next night too. Forget about the blonde laughing at Tommy’s jokes. Hell, forget about Tommy. Just fucking ditch this hell hole and take me home. And come with me and don’t ever leave. 

Please. 

But it seems like you both don’t talk as well with your eyes as you thought. And it seems like you don’t know this man in front of you at all. 

Because he steps back a bit, nodding, dropping your reaching fingers, and says those fatal words that solidify your fatal flaw. 

“I’ll get Tommy to drive you home.” 

~

Joel arrives at Caroline’s house. She somehow convinced him to drop her off at home. She keeps insisting Joel come in for a night cap. But he’s too fucking sad and pissed to even consider speaking to her for another two minutes longer. 

His head pounds. But not from the alcohol, from the quiet heartbreak settling in his chest at the memory of your words. At everything that had happened that night. It was meant to be a fun evening. But when he left you outside the bar, and ran to fetch Tommy, he knew this would go down in one of his most regrettable moments. And his most sad, too. 

Home.

The word rings in Joel’s ears. But you looked so fucking sad and you were already moving away from him. He had failed to say what he really meant to say — I want you. I just need you.

Maybe that truly was the end and maybe he failed to say what he thought and it turned you off. Made him unwanted in your eyes. 

Solidified the fact that he might never be a good man. 

Not like Tommy. 

But you were turning away — your fingers hanging onto his because he was the one who grabbed your hand first, and pulled you towards him with his fingers, his eyes, with his body — desperately. 

You kept pulling away — pulled away with sad eyes and he desperately wanted you to stay but he couldn’t make you do anything. Not when you look like that and you sound equally sad and broken. 

So he thought of what you deserve. Maybe even what you wanted at that moment. 

He finally dropped your hands, the warm spots your fingers held — were trapped under, brushed against the cold and Joel shivered. 

“I’ll get Tommy to drive you home.” 

He said it, but didn’t want to act on his words. He wanted to be the one to drive you home and to slip into your house, then maybe into your bed after that. 

But he wasn’t — you didn't want him to. 

He was sitting in the truck outside Caroline’s house as she pulls all her best tricks to get him to come inside. 

But he brushes them all off, and drives back in silence until he slumps in bed. 

~

“Fuckin’ — sit up, Jesus,” Tommy says, pulling your body upright in the passenger seat of the truck. 

You grumble with him. 

“‘M fine laying down. Stop micromanaging me.” 

You’re drunk.

The shot you took before talking to Joel outside the bar was beginning to take root. And all the other shots after that, when Tommy ushered you in to grab one last drink, and you just happened to down three more before leaving. 

“‘M not — mircomana— you’re a fuckin’ piece of work.” 

You smile lazily at him. 

“Like you aren’t?” 

He laughs back. 

There's a tense silence after Joel’s name pops up on Tommy’s phone that sits comfortably on the center dash. 

Tommy speaks first. 

“What’d you and Joel talk about?” 

“Oh, nothing,” you say, his head twitching a bit at your too-broad, overarching answer. “Your party,” you say when you think he might pry too much. 

“Joel isn’t gonna help you with that, you know.” 

His words make you freeze. Joel actually was going to help  — or was supposed to before the shit show outside the bar. 

“We’ll see. Can do it on my own too, though.” 

“Thanks again for offering, I — I know it’s dumb.” 

“‘S not dumb. ‘N I wanted to do it,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. 

“Well thanks anyways.” 

You hum in response, looking out the window into darkness. 

“What’d you think of Joel’s date?” 

Your eyes widen and suddenly, you don’t feel as drunk, sitting up a bit at his question. 

“That’s what it was? A date?” you say with a nervous chuckle. 

“I guess,” he laughs. “Don’t know what else to call it.” 

“She’s nice,” you say, echoing your words to Joel. Somewhere in the back of your mind you note how that sends a pang to your chest. 

“I don’t know if he was interested,” Tommy notes. 

That doesn’t really give you as much relief as you would’ve hoped for. You’re not hurt because of Caroline. You’re hurt because of everything that happened after. When you tried to get him to take you home, and he pulled away. 

Tommy continues when you don’t respond. 

“Took her home though.” 

Now that sends a shooting throb to your heart. 

Like it’s saying Of course he did. Even though that doesn’t seem very much like Joel at all. 

“Really?” 

“Yup. ‘N I think she’s comin’ to the party. Seemed excited ‘bout it.”

“Oh,” you reply dumbly. You’re sure that’s not helping your case when trying to be indifferent about Joel’s dating life. 

Tommy pulls up to your driveway. 

Tense silence follows after he puts the truck in park. 

“Is that —  like —  an issue?”

 Your heart starts beating a little bit faster.

“No, why would it be?”

“Just wonderin’,” he says with a sigh.

“Is it an issue for you?” 

“No. Think she’s good for him.” 

There it is again. 

Good for him. 

Are you not good for him?

You brush it off quickly, moving to unlatch your seatbelt. 

“Thanks for the ride,” you say, but Tommy’s hand reaches out and stops your movements. You tentatively look up, scared of what might be looking back. He looks a bit pained, or maybe scared — though his hardened brow doesn’t give much emotion. 

“I had fun tonight — you looked — look good,” he says, pulling you a little closer, he’s starting to dip his head ever so slightly. If you weren’t paying him so much attention you might not have even noticed his movements. 

You don’t pull away. 

That would be the end of everything with your friendship. But you would be lying if you said you weren’t terrified — apparently the look is clearly etched on your face. 

He laughs a bit suddenly, pulling away. 

“Jesus.” 

“What – what’s wrong?”

“Nothin’. I —” he pauses for a long time. 

You’re scared of what he might say. 

“Can I…can I take you out? Like — just the two of us?” 

You stare at him with wide eyes. You force yourself to breathe, a couple short puffs of air slip past your lips. 

“Oh, I — like you want to go out for food?” 

“Food,” he huffs out a short breath mixed with a chuckle. It makes your breath hitch, the uncertainty and knowing he’s acting so strange right now. 

“No, like — like a date. I guess.” 

_

chapter v. just you

taglist! comment or message me if you want to be added. (for this series, i took the liberty of adding you to the taglist if you commented that you wanted more parts on chaser. you can let me know if you want to be taken off) kisses!

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[diaryofaprettyprincess]

dark!yandere/obsessed!eddie munson :0 they get into a fight and reader wants to break up so he does something about it... (btw love your writing!)

poor reader :,(

note: this kinda sucks bc i wrote it on my lunch break at work earlier and then was too lazy to revise lol.. also.. this is very dark so be aware and read the CW.

CW: obsessed!eddie munson x innocent!fem!reader (doesnt need to be innocent could be just naive), HINTS of crybaby!reader but tbh who wouldnt be crying in this situation, mean!eddie (obviously) toxic relationship, power dynamic, fighting (not physically), violent!eddie munson, angst, nicknames, eddie puts his hand around y/n's throat, jealous!eddie, dark!eddie munson, CNC (kinda), unprotected sex, possessive!eddie, no prep before sex, abusive relationship, tw: abuse

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

eddie and you have datd for a good few months now. at first he was sweet, caring, and kind..but then things took a turn for the worse. eddie became too posessive, too jealous, and being in a relationship with him became exhausting. he isolated you from your other friends telling you that you didn't need anyone else but him. you came to the conclusion to break up with him; even if that made you nervous.

you talked to him as calmly as you could when you went over to his trailer one day, forgetting that his uncle wouldn't be home. sitting eddie in the living room, you kindly explained (as to not upset him (eddie was scary when he got upset)) that you needed a break.

eddie's face dropped, his hand pulling away from yours that were sitting sweaty on your lap, shaking. for a moment, you missed his warm touch. "what do you mean you want to break up?"

"i-i need some time alone eddie, 'm sorry," you whispered, swallowing back the growing lump in your throat of nerves and anxiety.

he stood up, pacing shortly for a moment before turning to you. "this is about him, isn't it?"

you could tell he was about to get really scary, and tears started brimming in your confused, glossy eyes as you asked, "a-about who?"

you hated that your voice was meek and trembling, you could barely contain your anxiety.

"oh don't give me that fucking bull shit, y/n. you know who the fuck i'm talking about..." his voice was tense, omitting anger from every pore. you shook your head, tears already streaming down your face.

"i swear i don't! who 'r you talking about?"

"don't play dumb with me, goddammit! Carter O'Niel!" he enthused, throwing his hands outwards, his rings glinting from the soft lights of the lamp.

Carter? You barely knew Carter. He was on the wrestling team, and was your partner in a biology project but that was it. it lasted a week and then you barely spoke to him again. Last time you two talked was.. oh god.

Today. Behind the bleachers. Did eddie follow you?! All Carter wanted to talk to you about was buying drugs from eddie because he knew you two were dating. he wanted to keep his doings a secret so he asked to meet you with a note he slipped in your hand in english class...which both you and eddie had together.

"wh-what are-are you fucking him or something?!" eddie yelled, making you flinch, an onslaught of tears still streaming down your face.

your face flushed red at the innapropriate thought. "n-no! ed-eddie i would never do that! i swear! please, i just needa break!"

"Oh," he dragged out, "you just 'need a break!' i don't understand, why so you can fuck him without the guilt of cheating?! i dont- i dont get it...baby, why would you do this to me?" tears began to brim in his eyes, and you stood up, trying to be brave, but your whole entire frame was shaking.

"'m-m sorry, eds, please!"

"do you not love me anymore?! when i said i loved you forever, i meant it, y/n. i fucking meant it! and you.. you just...lied!"

you shook your head, sobbing, "no! i-i meant it, you have to believe me! i love you, i-i" another sob slipped through, "i j-just need a break. youre scary, eddie. you scare me."

eddie turned to you, his jaw ticking. "i scare you? baby, i'm protecting you!" he walked toward you, backing you into a wall, his frame towering over yours.

"n-no, you're s-so mean ta'me. you make me hurt," you sniffled, and eddie's eye softened, causing your body to melt into his as he pressed himself against you. "p-please.." you begged, slightly pushing him away from you, which was obviously not the best idea.

your cries were loud as he turned away, yelling a curse and throwing one of the glass vases across the room.

he stormed over to you, grabbing you by the throat and dragging you to his room before pinning you on the door. you spluttered, shocked and choking as your vision sparkled.

he shook you a little with his hand. "i fucking love you! i cherish you, and this is how you treat me?! y-you can't leave me!" he loosens his hand, allowing you to breathe, but still keeps it in the area, a sort of threat.

"e-eddie," you stammer, wheezing and trying to catch your breath. "m so-sorry!"

catching you by surprise he grabs your chin, squishing your cheeks together and smashing his lips to yours, his body on you.

you whine, gasping for air as he holds you closer with his hand on the back of your head, both of your tears meshing together.

he pulls away, putting his forehead to yours and breathing heavily as he whispers close to your lips, "i love you, princess. I love you so much. i hate when you say shit like this. i hate that you make me get angry, i never wanna hurt you, baby." he peppers light kisses on your lips, holding your face with both of his ring-cladded hands on the sides of your head.

you feel yourself give in.

it's too late.

he's got you where he wants you and you just want him to forgive you and kiss you and hold you.

you hiccup over a small cry, and he shushes you softly, tilting his head to the side to pepper more small kisses on your lips. "youre not gonna leave me, right baby? because you love me so much, and i love you. you're mine and im yours, okay? i love you, i love you, i love you.."

he kisses you gently again, and you sniffle holding on to him and letting him take you to his bed. he kisses your lips, nose, corners of your mouth, eyelids, forehead...everywhere.

"e-eddie, i don wanna be with carter, i-i jus wan you, i never wanted to be with him," you sniffle, and his eyes soften. he breathes in, getting on top of you as he hands you the small teddy bear of yours on his bed. you wrap your hand around the soft plushie.

eddie whispers against your lips as he undoes his zipper, pulling his hardened cock out and stroking it gently, tossing your panties under your skirt to the side, "i know baby, fuck, you're mine."

he thrusts in, fucking you hard and slow, then fast and shallow, holding your hips with his hands and letting the loud sounds of skin smacking fill the air in the room, small moans and whimpers coming from your lips as he kisses away the tears. the stretch burns, but it feels too right.

"mine, mine, mine," he whispers with each thrust, kissing you sloppily and licking your lips with his tongue, then the inside of your mouth with his tongue as you reciprocate, your cunt pulsating around his cock.

"my baby, my sweet baby, hm?" he tucks some hair behind your ears, kissing your cheek and thrusting faster and more animalistic.

"'m yours" you respond.

there's no escape.

[beary-rambles]

Hi there ❤️

I saw that your requests are open and i would like to request something if you dont mind.

Maybe one where reader has the same age of ethan but she was in a relationship with Richie (she meet Richie in the store when she was hired and Richie was a worker at that store ) but Ethan was in love with her (they go to the same school /college) so he got heartbroken when he discovered that reader its dating his brother the time that he went to the store to buy something (angsty) In the end he convinces her that he is a better option. Thank you so much ❤️

The better brother

Warnings | highschool!ethan (seniors), RICHIE 🤮 (you are 18 richie is 20 ethan is 18 quinn is 19), you and richie work at a convenience store, neglected and insecure ethan, cursing, richie is a major asshole, angst with happy ending !!! seriously richie is an ass. not proofread !!

wc | 2.4k

a/n: thank you for the request i really liked writing this prompt! maybe a little different than what you wanted but i hope you enjoy!!

--

"Ill see you later." "bye richie." he kissed you on the cheek before he got out of the car and walked into work. You had school today so you just had come to drop him off, you watched him walk in before driving off.

The two of you had been dating for almost two months now. You started working at the same place as him, for four months, he was the store manager so you two were constantly with each other and he asked you out soon after.

You were happy, mostly. Richie was nice yes but he seemed kind of distant most of the time unless you two were at work and you were helping him stock or he needed a ride to work. But he was nice, yes....

You dont wanna think about it any more as you arrive at school. You get out of your car and walk towards the building, "Good morning." You turn and see ethan standing in his usual spot waiting for you like he always does.

Ethan has been a friend of yours since the beginning of the school year, he was sweet and smart (and super cute.) You two had a couple of classes together so he waited outside for you every morning so he could walk to class with you.

"Good morning e." He smiles at you and you smile back, "did you finish the paper for english yet?" you groan, "dont even remind me." he laughs and begins to walk along side you to class.

---

Ethan didnt know when he began to like you. Maybe it was when on the first day of school this year when you sat down next to him you smiled or maybe it was when you didn't mind as he talked your ear off about comic books or maybe it was when you comforted him while his cat was at the vet and he had to go to school.

He didn't know and frankly he didn't care all he knew is that he liked you, he liked you so much he didn't know how to tell you. Everyday he would try to build up the courage to confess to you and once he finally tries he sees your smiling face and he fails.

Today at school you looked especially gorgeous, he tried to tell you but he just wouldn't come out and hes so frustrated with himself, why cant he just suck it up and say you looked pretty. On the walk home hes beating himself up, maybe he should just text you? no you said you had work after school he shouldn't.

He rolls his eyes at the text from quinn to pick up a bag of takis for her and tries to tell her no but shes insistent he gets them so groans as he begins the walk to the store. He finally arrives and begins to look around to find the chips, where the hell were they?

He finally finds the isle and spots two employees standing in the isle stocking the shelf, they look so familiar-

"it wasnt that bad."

"you cannot be serious the menu was actually horrible."

oh my god, it was you. and his brother? he hides around the corner unable to take his eyes off the scene, you work here? with his brother?

"well i liked it." you shrug as you put another bag on the shelf.

"you just dont understand good movies babe its not my fault."

He feels his stomach drop as he watches richie kiss you, no. He might throw up as he watches you shove him and shake your head saying something about being at work. his eyes begin to water as his hands shake.

Richie. Of course. the shadow he'll always live behind, the man he can never compete with. His older brother, hes the star of the family, his dad adores him so much to the point ethan was so neglected by his father to the point he decided to take his mothers name instead. His father never cared, not when he had his star son.

In his shock ethan drops his phone and it hits the hard ground with a bang, "shit." this was awful, ethan bent down to grab it but unable to spot it behind his watery eyes. The loud sound must have alerted you two and he looked up to see the two of you standing over him.

"Ethan?" You looked the most shocked to see him. He quickly looked back down and grabbed his phone hoping you didn't see his watery face.

"oh hey ethan." richie wrapped an arm around your shoulder with a smirk while greeting him. ethan cant even look at you. Of course youd date a guy like richie, he was a lot cooler than he was. God why did he have to suck so fucking much?

"you know ethan?" you sound confused as you look at richie, ethan looks at the ground wishing it was open up and shallow him whole so he could get far far away from here. "of course i do hes my baby brother, isnt that right ethan?" he's mocking him. ethan's tears begin to flow freely down his face.

You brush richies arm off and take another step closer to ethan, you look concerned and it makes him feel awful he was so fucking embarrassed.

"Ethan are you okay?" Ethan nods his head and races out of the store ignoring you yelling after him. He begins to sob as he feet hit the ground hard as he runs away from the store.

At some point he cant run anymore, he can barely breath because of how hard he was crying. He sits at some random bench and cries his heart out.

His heart is broken. its squeezing in his chest, he puts his hand over it and wishes he could just rip it out of his chest because that's exactly how it felt.

--

You stand frozen in the store looking at the soot ethan was just standing. You move to go after him before a hand grabs your arm, "dont worry about him babe." You turn to richie who was a smirk on his face.

"He was clearly upset-" Richie rolls his eyes, growing more annoyed at the conversation about his brother, "hes always been a fucking crybaby, it's nothing to sweat about. fucking annoying." He mumbles to the last part under his breath but you can hear it and you stare at him in disbelief.

"Hes your brother you shouldn't take about him like that-" richie groans and throws his hands uo in the air, "thats just how he his babe," "dont call me babe." "hes a fucking whiner! thats just how it is, he always has been. And he never shuts the fuck up sometimes like jesus christ no one gives a shit about your fucking comic books man. Me and dad make bets to see how long he'll keep his mouth shut." He laughs to himself as he reflects on the memories but you can only stare at him in disgust.

Who the hell was the guy standing in front of you? Your face contorts into anger as you feel yourself get defensive over ethan, "You make me sick." You hiss at him, "How dare you talk about him like that?" He rolls his eyes, "Why do you care so much-" "Cause hes my fucking friend! and you disgust me with the way you talk about him. I feel like i dont even fucking know you right now."

"if you like him so much than you go fuck him or something." You stand in shock, who the fuck did he think he was. you grab your name tag and rip it off your shirt. "Go fuck yourself richie. I quit and we're fucking done." You storm off and he sighs, "you cant be fucking serious right now." you turn back to him, "yes richie i'm done serious you make me sick."

He rushes over to you and grabs you by the arm, He looks at you with a disgusted expression, "over him? really?" Youre face contorts to one of disbelief, "Yes! Youre a piece of shit! ethan is a nice guy, much nicer than you."

He shakes his head at you in disbelief as he lets go of your arm, "What so youre in love with him or something, i didn't know you were a fucking whore. Its good were done i dont wanna be dating a slut."

Your fist slams into his jaw and he hits the ground, hard. "Never. Ever. Speak to me like that. And if i ever catch you talking shit about ethan i will do worse than punch you seriously." You spit on him as you walk out slamming the door hard behind you.

You feel yourself shaking with anger. Was that a stupid decision, maybe. did you regret it? hell no. You can barely believe richie and how mush of an ass he was, thankfully you found out sooner rather than later.

You can barely even be bothered with richie right now, but right now all you can think of is ethan, you begin to look around trying to see if you can spot ethan, he doesn't drive so he must have walked here.

"Ethan?" You call out and begin to walk in what what hopefully the right direction, you're mind races as you try to find him. Was he okay? He was clearly crying before, you continue to call for him before you see a figure crouched over on a bench. Ethan.

You rush over and call for him, "Ethan." You sit next to him and you feel your heart drop at his shoulders which are shaking and you can hear him sobbing into his hands.

You try to grab his face out of his hands but he doesn't let you, "Ethan please." You feel your heart break as he shakes his head furiously, "Leave me please." His voice breaks as he tries to speak, you can barely make out his words. "Im not going anywhere, ethan please."

He reluctantly moved his hands from his face and you cup his cheeks, you frown as you see his teary eyes, his wet face and the pout on his face. "Ethan." Its hushed, you pull him into your arms. he wraps his arms around you tightly as his head finds its way to your neck as he begin to cry again.

You attempt to comfort him by running your hands through is hair, "what wrong ethan? please talk to me. I hate seeing you like this." His cries only get worse, "ill never be good enough." youre confused, "dont say that ethan its not true-" "of course its true! ill never be good enough for anything or anyone, especially not you."

You freeze, the hand in his hair stops its motion as he continues, "why am i so awful, if i wasn't so terrible, if i wasnt so annoying, if i was him, you would choose me. Why cant it ever be me who gets choosen?"

You pull back and grab both of his cheeks, hes look down at your lap. You wipe the tears of hiss face, "Ethan-" "I dont want your pity." he continues to look down and he pulls away from you and begins to furiously wipe his face with is sleeves, "Ethan-"

"hes always had everything i ever wanted, i dont know why im so surprised he got you too." Your heart is racing at the implications of his words, does he mean- "of course he got the girl im in love with."

You rethink over everything interaction youve had with ethan over the past couple months. you always looked forward to seeing him every morning at school with his smile and his awkwardness. He told the most horrible jokes but they made you laugh so much that when you thought about them later in the day you laughed to yourself to the point you must have looked crazy to everyone around you, he always cheered you on if you had a test and always made time to help you study even if it conflicted with his schedule. You hated the days he was out of school, they would feel lonely and empty and you would spent the whole day texting him. even the thought of his smile made you smile- oh my god. You were in love with him.

With richie it felt like just passing time, like you knew it was never going to be you and him in the end but you still wanted it to work. You grab his face for the third time and force him to look at you. "Ethan, you have to be honest with me, do you mean what you're saying?" He nods, "Of course i do, ive been in love with you for forever." he covers yours hands with his, "i know youre with my brother but i need you to know i've always loved you and if you could ever consider the possibility of liking me back-"

You kiss him and you feel in gasp against you, he soon enough begins to kiss you back. It feels like electricity running through your body as the sparks between you two fly out everywhere. It was perfect, richies kisses were rushed, like he wanted to get it over with but with ethan he was slower, like he wanted to savor every second of you and every bit of you.

You two pull away for a air and he stares at you in disbelief, "im in love with you too ethan." His eyes widen as he shakes his head, "no no youre not richie-" "me and richie are done. Hes a dick." Ethan laughs, "I realized while he was talking shit about you that it was never him. When he was talking about you and then me i got so mad i fucking quit and punched him across the face." you laugh as his mouth opens in shock, "no-" "yes! because i felt so much for you. i love you ethan and im sorry i didn't realize it sooner."

A huge smile falls on his face and yours reflects his, more tears begin to fall but this time theyre happy ones, "god im so fucking happy right now." you laugh as he pulls you into another kiss.

"did you really punch him?"

"yeah and i fucking spit on the asshole too."

"I fucking love you."

[daegall]

Tell me everything.

↳ Best friends are supposed to tell each other everything, but Donghyuck isn't all that sure if he can tell you about his feelings. (He obviously also doesn't know that you have a big fat crush on him too)

pairing: best friend!hyuck x reader

genre: fluff, crack, slight angst, best friends to lovers!AU

warnings: um parties, mentions of alcohol, reader and hyuck are so fucking oblivious, bro idk i dont rmember writing this fic im so sorry

word count: 8.8k words

a/n: oh my fucking god the rollercoaster this fic has been to me. i swear to god i have never ever been so blocked EVER im sos ososososoooo sorry this is SO overdue man i feel so guilty and at the same time i feel so disappointed in this fic but its ok ^^ i'll just grow out of it in the future and look back and laugh (with tears </3)

anw BIG HUGE thank you to the godess of editing herself, @jenotapes ! thank you so so sooo much aisha for the beautiful header, i cannot express how much i love it and how thankful i am, it's so gorgeous it's liek theonly good thing about this whole thing HAHA

i. 

The first real friend you've ever had, you have to say, is your mother, but really that's another situation.

Other than her, you'd have to say it would be Hung Renjun, someone you've known since middle school. You were inseparable during middle school, and sure you had a few crushes on him, but it's a lot different now.

You grew apart, but it doesn't seem like any of you minded it that much. 

Your best friend after that, would be Lee Donghyuck. Someone you met through Renjun. 

It was during Renjun's cousin's wedding where you met him. (You were only invited because this certain cousin used to be like a sister to you when you were younger. You like to remember all the tea parties you had together.)

But man, would you like to thank, and scold, both Renjun and his cousin for inviting you. Because of them, you found Donghyuck.

It was quite a unique way to find your best friend.

"You've got some moves!" 

You turn around at the unexpected, and unfamiliar voice, alarmed at a (very cute) stranger with a light smile on his lips. Your lips go from a gape of surprise, to a bright smile that slips a laugh, "Thank you!"

"Do you have a phone number too?"

Yes, he had tried asking you out. Not only did you end up giving up your number, but you did go hang out a while after that. 

You most certainly did (and still do) have the biggest crush on him, finding him so very charming and cute and, well, your type.

But for some apparent reason, he never asked if you wanted to actually date. You're not sure if he forgot, or he thinks you weren't interested or something, but he just didn't. You suspect he didn't have any more interest anymore. Not that you minded, (now. You minded a lot back then.) but it's getting a lot harder to keep in with every day that you get closer to Donghyuck.

It's gotten to the point where you don't even want to think of him, fearing that it would show and your whole friendship would be ruined.

Instead, you bake, as you always did when you had something particular on your mind.

Chocolate chip cookies, you had decided about 20 minutes ago, the soft and chewy ones that Donghyuck like—

"Holy shit," you whisper to yourself, voice hushed with realization. "did I just make Lee Donghyuck's favorite fucking snack without realizing?!" 

Yeah, your crush on him has gotten a lot worse. You suspect this happened when he took you out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner when he noticed your dull state last week. He even paid for all the food! 

You decide to let all your thoughts go as you close the oven with your fist batch of cookies, the rustiness of the screws more than enough to distract you. Gosh, nobody in your dorm building takes care of the poor thing. You remember when Yoo Jimin and Kim Minjeong attempted to roast a whole turkey but it came out way undercooked because the oven broke down within 30 minutes.

Just as you thought your mind was Lee Donghyuck-free, the door to the kitchen opens, and in comes all your thoughts once again, as your best friend enters.

"Hey there," he greets.

"Hi,"

"What are you doing?"

You shrug, turning around as you continue mixing the cookie dough. "I don't know, what does it seem like I'm doing?"

A chuckle slips from Donghyuck's lips as he approaches you, choosing to take a seat on the counter, next to the cooling rack. "Cookies?"

You only him in approval, placing the bowl back down on the counter.

To Donghyuck, your baking is one of the best he knows. First, would be his mother, of course, but you’re close to beating her, especially with the cake you baked for Renjun’s birthday a few months ago. He particularly likes your baking when you two are awake at midnight, and instead of using the oven, you choose to use the microwave, to make simple 2 minute microwave cookies or brownies. They’re the best for midnight snacks to have while writing an essay, or having an existential crisis together.

A moment later, Donghyuck finds you rummaging through the many drawers to find something. Once you finally find it, you go straight back to the dough, before you stick the object in, and scoop it back out.

In front of Donghyuck, is a teaspoon, scooped with your cookie dough. He mumbles a few words of gratitude, before taking the spoon from you and shoving it in his mouth. 

While Jaemin and Jeno are your favorite taste testers, (due to their immaculate opinions of how much salt and/or sugar you put into your recipes) Donghyuck always somehow finds his way to become number one. Maybe it’s because you like to hear the compliments from him. (or your big fat crush on him. Both, most likely.)

"Oh, yum! This is really good," Donghyuck smacks his lips, savouring each second of the taste melting on his tongue, and gets a small sense of... nostalgia.

"Hey, did you put some—"

"—cinnamon? Yes I did, I remember you telling me how your mom would do it, so I decided to try it myself too. Good to know you like it,"

It was a simple mention during a debate of if cupcakes or cookies were better, but the very random fact stuck to the back of your mind whenever you thought of baking. You’ve been meaning to make some, but never had the time to until now. (Though, you do have a few assignments begging to be finished as you bake.)

While Donghyuck is so very thankful, and delighted, he's a tiny bit worried. He knows you only bake when you have a mind full of things you don't want it to be filled with. This happened when you flunked that one assignment and you baked a whole birthday cake to get your mind off it.

"Are you okay?"

You're surprised at Donghyuck's words, instantly halting your actions to turn to him with shock written in every part of your face. "Huh?"

"I mean," Donghyuck passes you the spoon back, wiping your hand when he sees its got some flour stuck to it, "you're baking. Cookies. A lot of them. You only bake when you're thinking a lot, what's up? I'm your best friend, tell me everything!"

And that is exactly what you've been thinking about. How attentive he is, how caring and kind he is. Gosh he almost makes you go crazy just by doing things like this to you, you might just tell him what's wrong to have him stop completely.

"Nothing," you breathe out, going back to check on the cookies in the oven, "just bored, I guess."

Donghyuck doesn't buy a single bit of it, and you know he doesn't. So instead, you decide to lie a little, hoping he wouldn't catch it.

"I was so busy yesterday, I guess I just wanted to relax. Decided to make some cookies for you."

At this, Donghyuck can't help but chuckle. Cookies? For him? "Just for me?" 

Oh shit, did you say that? Silently, you panic, unconsciously shifting away from Donghyuck to hide your growing nose scrunch of embarrassment. "Uhh, f-for us...?" You hope he lets it go, you hope with your entire soul that he lets it go and accepts your stupid and poorly made excused for once. 

Alas, he is Lee Donghyuck, your best friend who will never let you live down a single thing if you make a mistake. (You always question why you even like him.) There was a time you accidentally switched the names of two of your upperclassmen. The most embarrassing 2 weeks of your life when he would remind you every other day.

Donghyuck's head throws back with laughter, gripping the edge of the counter for balance. He's always looked so cute while laughing, and you don't miss the way your heart stutters. And neither does Donghyuck. His own heart feels like it's soaring, jumping all around his body, swirling and spinning all because of you. "Oh my god, you're so cute!"

Oh my god, he's driving you crazy.

To shut him up, you grab a cookie from the cooling rack, before shoving it in his mouth, flicking at his forehead. "Shut up or these cookies are going to Chenle." 

Donghyuck nods, though laughing and chewing, winking and blowing a kiss at you. Once again, he feels his heart somersault when you reach over to wipe the few crumbs at the corner of his lips.

ii. 

Lee Donghyuck never liked business management. Sure, it’s where he realized that the person he hit on at Renjun’s cousin’s party sat 2 rows in front of him, and yeah, Professor Lee is his favorite teacher, and sure, he sometimes likes the lessons–okay, maybe he just hates it today. 

Or maybe today is complete shit to him. Yes, he hates today. None of your nagging during breakfast, or even lunch, due to your sudden cold you got overnight. He’s had to go through classes without you, only get one cup of coffee, and he didn’t even get one text from you. What’s up with that?

He feels completely relieved to be going back to his beloved room, expecting to do nothing but sleep for the rest of the day, and maybe watch some of his favorite reality shows. He just… he really needs to rest. 

You know what he would kill for right now? Your cookies. The ones you made the other day for him, the ones you added cinnamon to and made him feel all warm inside. In his opinion, those are the best cookies he’s ever eaten. But he won’t tell his mom. 

Yeah, one of those would not be bad for this shitty, shitty day. Or maybe you yourself, there to accompany him and cheer him up, but you’ve got a sickness, and need to rest. Him feeling down in the dumps is a lot less important than your health. 

But apparently, that’s not exactly your own priorities. 

Donghyuck doesn’t expect to see you here, when he swings open his dorm door, but there you are, with a mask on and a duster in hand. You seem to be cleaning out the bookshelf by the window, the one Donghyuck installed with you just for the aesthetics. 

Why are you dusting it? Heck, why are you even here?!

“Y/n? What the fuck are you doing here? You need to rest right this second!”

You were just about to say something, to explain why you’re in his room in the first place, but your best friend beats you to it, rushing up to you, before he grabs gently at your arms. You drop the duster in your hand at this, gaping at the way Donghyuck tugs you to his bed.

It’s like every time you’re about to say something, anything, Donghyuck interrupts you with an action, pressing his hand to your forehead. “God, you’re still burning up. Have you taken your meds yet?”

FInally, you’re able to speak, as Donghyuck shuts up to hear you. Instead of words, a light laugh slips through your lips, as you shake your head in disbelief. “No, yeah, I took them right before coming here.” Donghyuck doesn’t say anything, but you can already practically feel the curiosity radiating off him, the frustration he’s about to spew out into words. 

“I came here to clean your room,” You say, brushing Donghyuck’s hands off your arms, only to take them in yours softly. Instantly, his thumbs run over your knuckles carefully. You can’t deny the way your heart swirls with love. “since my dusty ass room is what gave me my morning cold.” Suddenly, you grow a bit conscious of how ridiculous you might seem to him, getting up to clean up your best friend’s room. 

“Didn’t want you to get one, or something.” You can’t look Donghyuck in the eye, afraid that it would be the last thing to set you off into a hot, shy mess. 

But unbeknownst to you, Donghyuck looks at you so gently, so lovingly and softly. He’s so very thankful for you, in so many ways. Just being in your presence has him instantly calming down, and forgetting about every single bad thing he’s had come across him today. Just the thought of you caring so much for him has him forgiving every single thing that’s ever hurt him in his life. 

As if looking Donghyuck in the eye wasn’t enough to make you go crazy, Donghyuck’s hands suddenly slide up your arms, his fingertips brushing against your skin, before he wraps his arms around your shoulders, securing you tightly to him. 

You feel, and practically memorize every time Donghyuck’s skin comes in contact with yours, touching, brushing, leaving trails of goosebumps. The best kind. 

You feel so many things when Donghyuck hugs you. You feel shocked, and surprised, and at the same time so flustered. But those aren’t the strangers feelings in you. Others being worry, and dread. 

This hug isn’t the typical ones that Donghyuck usually gives you. It’s tighter, tenser, he’s not giggling, and neither are you. Another thing that makes you feel awfully concerned about this hug, is the fact that Donghyuck has stuffed his head in your neck, and is breathing awfully heavily. It takes you one moment, then two, before you feel the tears and hear the sobs. 

Instantly, your arms wrap around him instantly, tucking him closer to you, before you feel tears spring to your eyes as well. You don’t say anything, despite having so many questions, and Donghyuck is so very thankful for that. Sometimes asking for a reason and wanting to understand someone fully isn’t the best, in his opinion, but you don’t even have to ask to understand him. You’ve never had to. Just with an expression on his face, you can tell instantly what he’s feeling. 

“One day without me and you’re already struggling, what would you do without me?”

Oh, how Donghyuck feels so safe around you. He pulls away from your shoulder, slightly grimacing at the sight of a damp spt, before a laugh chokes through his sniffling. “Nothing, so you better stick to me for the rest of our lives, alright?”

You do nothing but nod, and chuckle, before you start to wipe away Donghyuck’s tears with the sleeves of your sweater. Not the best choice for wiping someone’s eyes, but that doesn’t really matter right now. Donghyuck needs you, and you’ll be there for him.

“You wanna talk about it?” You mumble softly, brushing his hair from his face. Your best friend finds his heart swelling and thumping erratically with so much love at the look on your face. He’s always liked it when you take care of him. You don’t judge him, not at all. His needs are what you focus on, and it feels good to finally be loved for once. 

“Can I?” He whispers in reply, falling into the warmth of your hands. His own grip at your wrists, holding them up to his face.

You smile, and it tells him everything. You’re not going anywhere until he feels better, no matter how long, or how hard the task will be. “Tell me everything.”

And that’s exactly what Donghyuck does. He tells you of how his morning was thoroughly mundane and how he seemed to have struggled to stay awake during class, and how Professor  Lee even told him off for dozing off. He tells you each detail, every word and action, and you practically feel like you’re in the scene with how he describes it. 

One thing he leaves out, however, is every feeling he’s felt. How could he? He’s sure to blurt out how incredibly safe he feels with you, how worried he was because of your cold, how all he could think about today was just you. Not to mention, how he really believes he cares for you, way more than a best friend should. 

Just your presence, the sight of you, it makes him feel somehow inside. Like having a warm picnic late in the afternoon, the warm rays of the sunshine feeling oh so relaxing. 

Like watching one of your favorite chick flicks or romantic movies with you after his breakdown, but not even paying attention to the movie because of the way you look so immersed and mesmerized with it has him himself in a daze. That one spark in your eye you always have when you’re so interested, the smile on your lips when you sigh with delight, the way your hands curl around Donghyuck’s wrist to bring you closer. 

Donghyuck loves these moments. Donghyuck loves you. 

iii.

Alright, Donghyuck does not love you. At least, he doesn’t think he does.

Not in these moments, when you bug him constantly when you very much know he needs to be focusing and finishing his essay. 

But hey, in your defence, he’s got 2 weeks to finish it, and it’s not like he doesn’t have everything planned out for it. He’s been ready, much to your surprise. And as much as you are proud of him, you’re not so proud when he’s chosen to use the time where you two usually go to the grocery store near campus to do some assignment. 

And it’s not like he doesn’t bug you every time you’re doing literally anything other than hanging out with him. There was a time you had to tutor Jung Sungchan (who will always remain your favorite student) but Donghyuck was around the corner, whispering (not so) quietly at you about how you should totally ditch math and accompany him wherever.

“Please, Y/n,” Donghyuck finally says after attempting to ignore you for 20 straight minutes. His hands are holding at yours, shaking them with the most desperate expression you’ve ever seen on Lee Donghyuck. “I’m begging you to just let me work. 30 minutes. Then we can go get frozen yoghurt from the dining hall, how’s that?”

You really can’t help but snort, and he can’t help but feel all his frustration flutter away just at the sight of your smile. Strange, he’s been feeling things. “What happened to the Donghyuck I knew last week? When I was sick? That made me swear not to leave each other because you couldn’t even last a day without me?”

“My god, Y/n!” Donghyuck exclaims, and at that moment, his fingers intertwine with yours. Great, let’s play a round of ‘how many times can your best friend make you feel things a best friend shouldn’t’ shall we?

“Yes, my love,” There goes one. God do you hate (read: love) when Donghyuck calls you that.

Donghyuck breathes out, trying to suppress a laugh. (it fails.) “I know I said that, and I still don’t take it back! I really mean it, I really do,” That’s two!

“But please, just let me finish this, and then we can go grab a snack, yeah?” Okay, that wasn’t that bad.

“My treat.” And that’s three.

This comment has you shutting up with a small smile, a swirling sensation of excitement stirring in you. This is the only indication your best friend needs to know you’ve agreed to his terms.

And finally, some peace and quiet. At least, that’s what Donghyuck thought.

“What’s your favorite color?” Donghyuck sighs when you start up after promising him you wouldn’t. He glances at you only momentarily, across from him with your arms tightly wrapped around the pillow Jeong Jaehyun left accidentally when he moved out. You have a small, almost mischievous smirk on your lips, as you lightly nudge at your best friend’s knee with your foot. 

“I dunno,” he mumbles out, going back to his work, “never thought of it.”

And then he’s back to typing and ignoring you. Oh, how boring this was. It’s not all that fair, in your opinion, how Donghyuck is ignoring you when every time you’ve wanted to work he’s coming over with Chenle’s dog and a bunch of your favorite movies. 

“Okay then, what’s your favorite thing to do?” 

“Right now?” Donghyuck murmurs, and can’t help the jumping of his heart or curl at his lips when you crawl closer to him to bump your head against his side. “It would be working on this essay.” 

“You’re so boring!” 

Donghyuck simply dismisses your words, though you can see the slight smirk at the corner of his lips. He’s amused, and though he claims he wants to finish his essay, you know he very much does not mind your presence with him. 

“Fine,” You huff out, “I guess I’ll just go and bother Jaemin or something.”

At this, Donghyuck perks up, eyes wide as he watches you roll off the couch next to him. His hand instinctively reaches out to grab at your wrist before you could leave, tugging you back to stumble back next to him on the couch. 

Just as you expected.

“Oh? What’s this? The person who has been completely ignoring me is suddenly giving me so much attention?”

“Uh–” Donghyuck stumbles over his words, racking his brain to find a witty enough response to keep you here with him. Alas, as much as he tries, as hard as he searches, his mind becomes completely blank. It’s been happening lately, actually. Whenever he stares into your eyes, he’s struggling to find all the stupid witty comments, his heart feels like it’s being tugged at, it’s so strange. 

“God, okay fine! Yeah, I want you here, but please, just don’t ask me stupid shit, okay?” Donghyuck proceeds to pat the space next to him, his gaze turning shy as he looks away bashfully. “Just–just accompany me, please.”

And surprisingly, you comply, for here you are, next to him, staring at his screen. Your head rests on his shoulder, hands playing with the pillows in your arms. You’re bored, but you can suck it up, just for Donghyuck, you suppose.

A sudden thought pops up in your mind, amd before you can stop yourself, you’re blurting it out.

“What do you want for your birthday?”

You notice how Donghyuck’s fingers completely stop typing, his work put on hold. “What?”

“I mean,” You start, your voice growing quieter, “your birthday’s coming up soon, right?”

All the other years you’ve celebrated it, it was always you throwing a big surprise party for him. It was always your gift for him. But since this year Jeno and Jaemin promised they would do it for him this year, it would mean you’re gonna have to get him a present too. 

Donghyuck’s never heard this question, and strangely, he doesn’t really like it coming from you. He doesn’t want to demand things like he does with his other friends (read: Rich kid Chenle). He knows that whatever it is, he’s gonna love it. 

“Your love?” 

Your breath hitches in your throat at the response you receive, before you fly away from his shoulder to throw him a confused look. 

Donghyuck’s face is… incredibly cute. He has a teasing smile, cheeks pulled up with his eyes bright. His chuckles are soft, though they resonate repetitively in your ears, and you can’t help but start chuckling as well. 

“Oh really?” 

When Donghyuck shrugs with a nod, you can finally come up with an equally witty response. “You better not complain if my gift is a kiss.”

To be honest, Donghyuck doesn’t mind. In fact, he kind of–holy shit Lee Donghyuck wants to kiss you!

iv. 

Hyuck 🐻: Hey [22:10] Hey [22:10] Hey [22:11]

You: What [22:11]

Hyuck 🐻: Can we call [22:12]

You: Why [22:12]

Hyuck 🐻:  Need help with an assignment [22:12]

You: Okay fine yeah sure [22:13]

Only you did anything but an assignment Donghyuck was struggling on. You went on a video call, he showed you a bit of the equations, and then you don't remember anything about any assignment after that.

The only thing you can recall talking about is literally anything other than it. Like Donghyuck's story of how his pinkie apparently stopped growing. (He's told you about 6 times already, but it's got to be your favorite story to hear.) 

Nonetheless, you can't say you mind it. Donghyuck has been a bit distant lately, you're not sure why, but it's great to hear from him again.

Unbeknownst to you, Donghyuck is avoiding you just a little bit. Ever since the time on the couch where he quite wanted you to kiss him, he's not sure where his heart lies. In your palms, probably.

And he definitely feels like it is, especially when you start laughing at one of his stupid jokes through the screen. It's a tiny bit lagged, with your smile coming only a few seconds after your laughs, but it still shakes Donghyuck's heart. He can't even remember the joke. 

He can't remember anything when he's with you, all he wants to remember is the curl of your lips, the sound of your laughter, the warmth you emit. Well, the warmth his laptop emits. 

"Hey," Donghyuck starts. He picks on the bracelet you gave him last year, after you got it from some kiosk you found when you went on vacation with your family. It was the first real gift from you, and he cherishes it with all his heart.

"Didn't get to ask how your week was, how was it?"

Right, because he's been quite clearly ignoring you all week.

You visibly shift in Donghyuck's screen, going unseen for a moment, before you adjust your laptop on your lap. "It's been okay, got extra free time since Sungchan couldn't come to this week's meeting. Been sleeping a lot more."

"That's good," Donghyuck replies to your summary. It really is, because God knows how little sleep you get. Sometimes it's because of studying, or watching some movie just because you felt like it, or someone (read: Donghyuck) is occupying your time. 

Your smile flashes on the screen, and it causes Donghyuck to smile himself, tugging his blankets closer to him.

"How about your week? What have you been doing to not call me every other hour?"

Let's see, thinking of you, staring at your contact photo for some reason, contemplating whether to call you or not, and, well, sleeping. And babbling about you to Lee Jeno. 

"Not much, really."

His answer is definitely not what you expected, nor was it really what you wanted. You expected a whole rant, story time until the most ungodly hour of the morning, heck, even a witty little comment like how he's been thinking of you would be okay. (He would totally, but just scared if he would sound too serious because it's literally what he's been doing.)

And this clearly shows through your facial expressions, as your nose scrunches in dissatisfaction. "Really? Why didn't you call me then?"

Your words set a zoo that even Donghyuck has no idea of running around his body, sensations of happiness and giddiness ripple through his whole soul, and he has to physically hold back a grin. 

"Why didn't you call me? Why does it always have to be me calling you?"

Donghyuck is lucky enough to come up with a natural and witty comment, a pout playing at his lips. They dangerously threaten to curl when you click your tongue, leaning in closer to your camera. "Fine," you mumble, "I'll call you next time."

Geez, and Donghyuck thought the zoo was enough for him. Now he has his heart shaking, bearing and clenching and buzzing with adoration for you. Holy shit... what was this feeling?

"Oh, by the way," these words once again capture all of your best friend's attention, it has him humming intently, unconsciously bringing his laptop closer to him. 

"had this conversation with Chenle the other day," you explain the context, though you clearly know this was a lie. There was no conversation with Zhong Chenle, it was just a scheme. 

"What's a random thing you have never had?" 

Yes, a scheme to find him a birthday present.

"For example, I never had a gemstone before. Pebbles, rocks, sure. But like rubies and all that jazz? Never."

At first, Donghyuck was a little bit suspicious of your actions and words, but the moment you mention the gemstone and have you've never had it, his mind drifts off from the suspiciousness, instead racking his brain to find a thing.

It takes him a solid minute, one minute of a cute little thoughtful pout, one moment of his low focused humming, one minute of staring at his cute habits. God, perhaps you have it bad for Lee Donghyuck. 

As you stare at him, you can't help but wonder what this certain object might be. Donghyuck's been gifted very random things by lots of people. There was a time he got a whole pack of chopsticks for Christmas. It was the craziest shit ever.

"Snowglobe."

You barely get to process his words, before you burst out laughing, very amused by his words. Though Donghyuck is confused, and shocked, he can't help but laugh along with you. He always found your laughter very contagious and enlightening. 

"What?" He asks softly between chuckles, eyes glued to the screen, where you attempt to stop your laughter, but fail miserably.

"N-nothing," you snort, "that was just the last thing I expected."

And honestly, Donghyuck gets it. He gets it completely. Snowglobe, of all things, but it’s the truth, it really is. 

Donghyuck leans in closer to his screen, if that is even possible, smiling fondly as you quiet down from your laughing fit. You have your face stuffed into a pillow, eyes shut as you try to regain and steady your breath. “It is pretty random, isn’t it?” 

Your best friend can’t help but think you look… so precious. How many people in the world get to make you smile this much, how many people can get you to laugh as hard? For some reason, he can’t help but feel almost so special to get to have you in his life. To have you listen to his god awful jokes and to have you accompany him in a call. God, how did he even manage to get you to bake his favorite cookies?

And suddenly, when he glances at you, closing the window to his (finished and submitted) essay, you look way too good for a best friend. Grinning down at your laptop as your favorite part of your comfort movie plays, when have you ever looked so good before?

Considering the fact that Donghyuck was okay with you kissing you just a few days ago, and how you seem absolutely ethereal to him, he’s pretty concerned. What is going on? Why is he feeling this way towards you, after months of being so close, why has he only noticed now?

When Donghyuck softly smiles at the sight of you already mouthing along to your favorite dialogue of the whole movie, he realized that not only is he okay with you kissing him, he wants you to kiss him.

v. 

It’s been weeks since you’ve actually hung out properly with Lee Donghyuck, and after all this time spent without him, you realize how painfully boring life could be without him and how incredibly boring Lee Jeno is. 

You spent a couple of days with him, and you agree with everyone when they say Na Jaemin truly might be his soulmate, because you don’t know how he can deal with such boringness. (Oh my god has Lee Donghyuck been influencing you too much?!)

Strangely, Jeno and Jaemin have been avoiding you too, but you know why. Even if they didn’t tell you, you know it’s because they would accidentally slip up and tell you their plans for Donghyuck’s birthday party and you would go scurrying off and telling him.

False, they are, because Donghyuck doesn’t…. want to talk to you. At least, that’s what you think, and that’s what you fear. What have you done wrong? What went wrong? The last time you spoke was… about 2 and a half weeks ago, when you had gone over to drop off one of his sweaters he left in your dorm.

He was quite awkward, to say the least. Fidgeting, nervous mumbling, he didn’t even hug you once, he was surely fishy. Ever since then, it’s only been texts, no meet ups or calls. Just texts. And you were initiating and continuing them all by yourself.

A pit of fear lies within you at the thought of you doing something to have Donghyuck stray away from you. Anxiety courses through your veins at the thought of him telling you that you should stop talking or something.

Nobody knows how you feel about him. Fear and love, or whatever you feel for him, nobody knows. 

Nobody but Mark Lee. That guy’s great at getting you to spill your beans. Just an ‘Are you sure?’ and you’re going on and on about how confused you feel, how scared and how much you adore Donghyuck. 

Thankfully, unlike Jisung or Chenle (or both together), he doesn’t have certain days where he’s making fun or not, he’s always 100% considerate. You’re surprised he doesn’t have a significant other yet, he really deserves one. 

And here you are, once again, in front of him, but instead of the library, or his dormitory lounge room, you find yourselves in front of a lake Mark had found recently. You might bring Donghyuck here someday.

“Damn, really? I thought this was gonna be our spot, but I guess you always have to show Donghyuck everything.”

“Well sorry, Mark,” You murmur, as you attempt to skip a rock. It bounces 4 times. “I’m sorry I have a big fat huge crush on my own best friend.”

Mark whistles at your 4 skips, nudging your arm with an impressed smirk. “You say he’s ignoring you?”

“Yeah.” You don’t want to be reminded of the fact. Mark can tell, but you do have to face it either way.

“I know these words might be said like, a thousand times to a thousand people, but it’s really what you should do. Give him some time, maybe he’s going through something–”

“–Mark if he’s going through something he would tell me, he always does! He calls me, usually right before he’s going to sleep, and when I hear his sigh I know. I would know instantly. And I’d be over at his in less than 6 minutes, and he would scold me for wasting my breath for him, and I would always counter how he would do the same thing, because he would!”

Mark isn’t exactly surprised to see you’ve finally cracked. Neither did he expect it, but he knew it would be possible. He lets you rant, he wants you to rant. Get all of it out, until it’s all gone.

“And the thing is, I don’t even fucking know if he would at this point.” You groan and grimace at the tears starting to bead at the corner of your eyes, throwing another rock at the lake. “Did I do something?”

“Y/n,” Mark calls out softly. You almost forget you have company, but with Mark’s hand on your shoulder, moving you in front of him, you know you can trust this company. “even if Hyuck did feel that way, he wouldn’t lead you on, you know he wouldn’t.”

He was right, Donghyuck always called out the bad people in his life and didn’t even hesitate to turn them away. It’s a trait you love about him, he warned you about one of your exes, and instead of scolding you, like he usually does, he went to have a full on conversation with him and full on punched him. 

“But if he was leading you on, you’d be okay. He might mean a lot to you now, and in the near future, but there will be people there for you.” Mark has now wrapped you in his arms, patting comfortingly. He mumbles softly, as if he knew the perfect tone to make someone calm down. He does have the perfect tone to calm someone down.

“That’s not gonna happen, though. He loves you way too much to do that.”

Mark Lee is crazy good at comforting, he should probably do it as a job, or something. 

“Yeah,” You laugh (with a quiet sniffle that follows), burying yourself in his embrace. You wipe at the small tears on your cheeks, laughing embarrassingly, but Mark assures there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. “God, you’re a really good listener,”

“I know.”

“And advice giver.”

“I know that too,”

You pick up one more rock, turn to the lake, before you toss it. “I think I’m gonna confess. I don’t want this to fester into something really bad.”

Mark nods, joining you in rock skipping. His rock bounces 5 times. “Alright, but if he says anything bad I’m beating the shit out of him.”

You laugh at his comment. Mark Lee is like the brother you always wanted. 

vi.

It’s June sixth, Donghyuck’s birthday. 

You had texted him a quick birthday text this morning, strike at midnight, like you promised. You haven’t texted him since then, only staring at the ‘thanks y/n <3’ he had sent you about 20 minutes after you sent the text. 

At first, you were pretty surprised to see that he was up that late, and then the worry came and started getting you just a little anxious, before you brushed it off, concluding that he was only just playing some more video games with Lee Jeno on his birthday. 

And then after that, nothing. No texts, no calls, no nothing. It makes you a little sad, but you’re way too scared to do anything about it. You plan to confess to Donghyuck. Today, at his birthday party Jaemin and Jeno are hosting.

It’s only about an hour and a half away, but you have no plans on getting ready for it. Not at all. For now, you have his wrapped gift in your hands as you stare at your ceiling and practice your confession in your head. 

You were always good at memorizing things, speeches, formulas, anything. It was a little thing you enjoyed. 

But now, trying to clear your head and recite the confession you plan to tell him, you can’t recall a single word. Just the thought of it going to your best friend, who has been ignoring you for god knows how long, it’s got your heart hammering in your chest and your hands shaking, your nervousness spiking. 

You check the clock. 40 minutes until the party.

You’ve got to get your shit together. 

Before you know it, you’ve found yourself at the party, Jeno and Jaemin both embracing you at the same time. 

“A little late, but nothing too bad! Good to see you again, Y/n!” Jaemin mumbles, before planting a playful kiss on your cheek. You fake a grimace, wiping it off your skin. Jeno only giggles at the situation, before ruffling your hair and nudging his head inside. “You’ll be able to find Hyuck somewhere in there. Can’t be that hard, he’s the birthday boy!”

His words are meant to mean well, nothing with generous intent, but it makes you nervous. Just in a matter of time, you’re about to spill all the beans about all your feelings towards your best friend who probably doesn’t even want to be your best friend anymore. (He wants to be so much more, but you don’t know that.)

The party is busy, busier than you thought, with many people from your classes and some other people they brought, probably for free food and a chance of finding love. Or maybe Jaemin and Jeno are just immensely popular. 

All these people, and yet no sign of Donghyuck yet. 

His gift is tight in your grip, your fingers bouncing and tapping against it quickly. 

The first few people you bump into are your close friends, Huang Renjun and Mark Lee, and you don’t miss the hopeful glint in Mark’s eyes. You shake your head quickly with a slight frown, which tells him everything he needs to know. 

Next, are Chene and Jisung, who seem… strange. They’re giggling, which is normal, but they keep nudging at each other and they had started… poking and screeching at you when you asked where Donghyuck was. You had no choice but to check if they were tipsy, or something, only to find their drinks were just mixtures of a bunch of sodas. Gross.

About 25 minutes have passed, no sign of Donghyuck. How are you supposed to give him your gift? (read: how are you supposed to tell him you’re head over heels in love with him?) Is he seriously ignoring you in his own birthday party too?

You’re getting agitated, almost anxious as the time passes. 

You run up to Jeno, when you spot him near you. “Hey, have you seen Hyuck around?” You yell over the loud music. 

His face twists, and the smile on his face is wiped off and replaced with a slight frown. “You haven’t seen him at all tonight?”

You shake your head. 

“That’s weird, he would have been the most excited to see you,”

You excuse yourself, the moment you feel a stir in your stomach. You had a slice of cake, and some apple juice, and you don’t think your stomach is agreeing to the combination. Or the thought of Donghyuck completely ignoring you. 

It’s not too long of a walk to the bathroom, after all you could make your way through Donghyuck’s place with your eyes closed. Not a good idea right now, you could bump into that guy with 5 plates of birthday cake. 

You finally make your way into the bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind you. Instantly, the music is blurred out, and you close your eyes with a sigh when you feel your nerves calm down just a little bit.

Just a little bit. 

They double in amount, however, when you realize that none other than Donghyuck is in the bathroom himself, sitting at the corner by the corner.

You both stare at each other, wide eyes of surprise, clearly unsuspecting of finding one another in the bathroom. 

“Hyuck? What the fuck are you doing in the bathroom?” 

“Uhhh,” Donghyuck desperately racks his head back and forth for a reason, any kind of reason. “Taking a shit?”

No, he was not taking a shit. Obviously.

You feel a whole whirlwind of emotions hit you suddenly, it strikes at your chest, your heart, before it tingles and moves to your fingers, where you squeeze Donghyucl's birthday present, before it moves onto your feet, as you take one step. 

That's as far as it goes, however, and you stop very awkwardly in the middle of the bathroom. There's no point in stopping now, he's right here, you both have nowhere to go, and really it's now or never. 

You take another step, and another, and before you know it, you're kneeling and plopping down next to Donghyuck. 

It's awkward, at least you think it is. You don't dare look at your best friend, afraid that the moment you do, you'djust blurt out how much you love him. 

Donghyuck, however, feels nothing but longing towards you. He longs for you, after weeks of ignoring you. But he doesn't let himself, it's his fault, he should deal with the consequences himself. 

"Um—happy birthday!" You blurt out, and stick out your hand with the birthday present in it. It alarms Donghyuck, only for a moment, before he reaches out to it with a grin. You missed his smile. 

Instantly, Donghyuck has an urge to unwrap it, to see what it is and treasure it with his whole being, to thank you and hug you and finally just be normal with you once again. 

And so he rips open the wrapping paper, finding a snow globe sitting in his palm now. Donghyuck's heart follows each and every artificial snowflake floating about in the glass, swelling and swirling at the gift. 

You're nervous for Donghyuck's reaction, seeing him gape at the globe with such wide eyes. Did he not like it? Was it too much? Maybe he wanted to get a snow globe himself. 

But, it's nothing short of perfect to him. It's got a polar bear in it, with a santa hat and a christmas tree only half its size, there's nothing in it he could ever point out as a flaw. 

"Thank you," Donghyuck finallu breathes out, "fuck, this is perfect—thank you so much, Y/n, really." 

"I, uh, wanted to put a picture of us, but I didn't know how to do it so I bought a normal one instead" For the second time that night, Donghyuck's heart goes into a frenzy, just at the sight of your smile of pure happiness and eyes of relief. It pains him to think you could doubt yourself over something as silly as a present. You shouldn't ever worry about what you do to him, he's going to love you no matter what. 

The atmosphere lifts a little but after that, as you both shyly smile at the situation. 

However, it's not a clear sky just yet. There are grey clouds in the way, grey clouds you can't simply ignore. 

And at those clouds, you ought to curse at. You haven't brought an umbrella, or a raincoat, even if you knew it was gonna rain. Here you are, sitting in the shade, knowing that if you step out, it'll start pouring. 

But at that, you say fuck it! May it be a drizzle worth of rain, a hailstorm, heck a blizzard couldn't stop you. 

"Hey, Hyuck?" You take a step out of the shade. 

He simply hums back, gaze never leaving the snow globe. 

You take a deep breathe, feeling the first droplet of rain on your skin. "Did… did I do anything?"

And when Donghyuck whips around at you with a shocked expression, you feel the winds of confusion kicking in, growing stronger as he rapidly shakes his head and denies it quickly. "What? No, it's just a snow globe,"

"No, no," You can't help but chuckle at his panicked tone, leaning your hand on your palm. "Not that. Just in general, you know?"

In comes heavier rain, feeling so weighted against your skin. It's cold, harsh, and wet, but you know it's going to be worse. 

"If I'm doi g anything wrong, please don't keep it in, please tell me," Your words do more than just surprise Donghyuck, a stinging guilt pains him. Is this what you've been thinking about the whole time he's been gone? 

"If I'm making you uncomfortable in any way, tell me. If I did something, tell me my mistake." Your voice is laced with more than hurt, or guilt, it has fear, desperation, and Donghyuck wants to punch himself because of all this.

You can't bring yourself to look at Donghyuck, just merely talking to  him about the things you've been worried about is already a whole hurricane for you ti deal with, to fight. "If I'm lacking in any way, tell me what I'm lacking. Just please, tell me, Hyuck. You're one of the most important people in my life and I don't want to hurt you or make you feel bad in any way—" 

“—Shut up and look at me!"

You hadn't even noticed Donghyuck calling out to you, not until he's grasped your hands in his, inteetwinign your fingers together. 

"God, Y/n, I'm sorry. I made you think the exact opposite. I…" Donghyuck's sentence trails off, and before he knows it, he feels himself choking up once again. Just at the sight of you, so desperate, sorry for nothing, feeling bad, he can't get himself to say anything.

Despite that, he tries, shifting on the floor to face you, "Remember when we met? Two years ago, at Renjun's birthday party? Remember what I first said to you?"

It takes you a moment, but you do remember, how could you ever forget?

'You got some moves! Do you have a phone number too?'

Just by the look on your face, Donghyuck knows you remember. "I still stand by my words."

"...I got good dance moves?"

"Wha—No! After that,"

"...I have a phone number?"

"Oh my fucking god, no. I mean what I meant in general. Like—I was hitting on you," Realization rushed in you, and it hits you like a truck once the words roll off Donghyuck's tongue and register in your brain. Lee Donghyuck was hitting on you. 

Donghyuck's heartbeat beats in his ears, terrifyingly loud, and his insides twist in fear and anticipation as he mumbles, "I... I fucking love you, Y/n. I love you so much it hurts, and it terrifies me."

"At first, I just thought friends would be enough. But then we became best friends, which I thought would be better, but god was I wrong. Realizing your feelings for your best friend is crazy, because you're scared of every little thing they do! When you asked me what I wanted for my birthday, you... I just really wanted to kiss you right then and there. When you gave me a hug when I had a bad day, I was so afraid that I would accidentally blurt out the words 'I love you', and when you started looking at me differently, longingly, I realized that I had been ignoring you without realizing. And I feel like an absolute bitch about it. I'm so sorry, for everything. For making you feel terrible just because I was being a fool, for neglecting you, and being an asshole and... and for my feelings. I understand if you feel weirded out, or disgusted, or anything, really. I'm just sorry." 

The storm you once thought you'd try fighting away is now drying away, replaced by nothing but the sun after the storm, absolute gid and relief waving over you at his words. 

Donghyuck looks so fucking ethereal right now, blushing shyly as he stares at the snow globe you gifted him, and as much as he feels embarassed, there's nothing in him telling him to stop holding your hands. He's holding them so dearly, running the pads of his thumb over your skin, his touch warm and comforting. 

"Hyuck," You mumble softly. He doesn't look up. "I think I love you too, Hyuck." 

In an instant, Donghyuck's head whips up to stare at you, blinking repeatedly and mouth gaping continuously at you. 

"Wait—fuck, wait really?!"

You laugh at Donghyuck's shocked expression, leaning forward to bump your forehead against his shoulder. 

"Wait—no—Y/n don't play with me. You love me?!"

"Yes, Donghyuck!"

"Fuck, wait, you said you think you love me. Do you love me or not?"

"Oh my god, I love you! I love you, okay? I don't think your feelings are weird, I think it's dope,"

Donghyuck still continues to gape at you, with what seems like the whole galaxy in his eyes, staring at you as if you were his sun and moon and stars and every beautiful thing out there.  

Donghyuck gently shurgs you off his shoulder, before he automatically finds his hands on your skin, caressing your face ever so dearly. The look in his eyes do not change, nor do they falter, desperately staring into yours. 

"Are you sure you love me?" 

You lean forward to bump your forehead against his, "One hundred percent. You sure you love me?"

Donghyuck shifts to brush your noses together, and you can practically feel his grin against yours. "One hundred percent,"

With that, Donghyuck's lips lock with yours, so softly you feel almost lightheaded. His hands on your face still trace their ways through each inch to your jaw and neck, memorizing each part of you. Donghyuck's lips feel soft, taste of birthday cake you can only assume is from when he blew the candle earlier. 

Each peck, each push and pull of your lips feel almost like a dream, but the small smiles and occasional laughs bring you back to reality. 

When you pull away, Donghyuck instantly brings you into his arms, planting kisses on every free spot he can find on your cheeks 

"When did you realize you love me?"

You hum at the question, "Few months ago."

"All those weeks I've wasted… pining over something I already had?!"

"I quite like it, it adds to the yearning, don't you think?"

Donghyuck only huffs, bringing you closer to him. 

"Oh right, speaking of all those weeks we've wasted, care to fill me in on those weeks?"

"What should I tell you?" Donghyuck mumbles, pulling your fingers between his. He reaches down to press a kiss to each of your knuckles. 

"Tell me everything?"

[shimmerwindow]

I Never Really

Part Seventeen

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Angst, mentions of violence, brief allusion to suicidal thoughts

Playlist | Masterlist

Tag List: @jazzyfigz @dont-go-home-without-me @poochiesworld @stardustcatcher @83rkblogs @jaketsguitar @dannys-dream @gretavanfan @do-it-jakey-baby @gvfpal @ignite-my-fire @gardensgatekeeper @torniturntomyarrow

You awoke with an uneasy feeling in your chest. Something didn’t feel quite right, though you couldn’t put your finger on what, exactly. Maybe it was the fact that the daily good morning text from Sam you’d gotten used to wasn’t there. He hadn’t even told you when he’d gotten home last night, like he usually did. You were a bit anxious thinking about it, and the feeling only got worse when he wasn’t there to walk you to class.

By the end of the day, you were starting to feel genuinely nervous. You’d texted him a few times, with no response. He didn’t even read the messages. The sun set, and rose the next morning, with still no sign of Sam. Those nerves turned to a knot of pure anxiety in your stomach. You considered going down to his floor and knocking on his door, but decided against it. That seemed to cross some imaginary line in your mind – after all, it's not like you were dating the man. Maybe he’d been hit with a sudden deadline, maybe his phone was broken, maybe maybe maybe.

The sun was starting to set once again when you felt your phone vibrating on the bed next to you. You grabbed at it so quickly you felt a little embarrassed, turning it over to see the screen. An incoming call from Jake. Your stomach dropped through the floor and your palms started to sweat – something must be wrong. Jake hadn't called or texted you for weeks now.

You answered the call. “Hey, what's up?” You struggled to keep your voice from shaking.

“You’re at home, right?” Jake’s voice seemed equally strained.

“Yeah, why? What’s going on?”

“I’m outside. Come downstairs.”

You stumbled out of bed, grabbing your keys and your coat with shaking fingers. “Why? Have you heard from Sam? He hasn’t texted me all day–”

“He’s fine. But we need to talk.”

Butterflies fluttered in your stomach, worries and relief all at once. “I’ll be down in a minute.”

He didn’t even say goodbye before hanging up the phone. You felt incredibly far away from your body as you speed-walked to the elevator, and down to the lobby. His car was out there, idling in the parking lot. You watched the steady plume of steam crawling from the exhaust be whisked away by the wind as your feet crunched over the snow and ice.

You barely had the door closed before he was driving off, down a road you’d been on once before. You knew immediately, he was taking you to the place you’d last been with him. Glancing at him, you noticed a reddish bruise along the curve of his cheekbone. It looked fresh, the spot under his eye still a bit swollen, marred with the same color. You were thoroughly trembling by the time he finally parked the car.

“So!” he began, his voice loud enough to make you jump, though you were already on edge. “Care to tell me what the deal is with you and Sam?”

Your mouth went dry, and you were suddenly dangerously nauseous. “What do you mean?” Your voice wavered.

“Please, for the love of god, don’t play dumb.” He pinched the bridge of his nose, as if you were already giving him a headache.

“We’re–” you swallowed thickly around a lump in your throat. “We’re talking.”

“Seriously?” He narrowed his eyes at you, slinging an arm over the steering wheel and turning his body to face you. “Talking? That’s the narrative you’re going to feed me?”

“I just mean, talking as in, like…” you couldn’t continue. You couldn’t quite place what about this conversation was making you so nervous. Jake seemed to cast some sort of aura, one that could so easily impact your mental state. When he was pissed, you could feel it, even without words. But you didn’t have anything to hide. It hadn’t been a secret, though you and Sam had been rather conservative in front of the family. Out of respect, or to hide it, you weren’t sure.

“As in, you’re fucking, right?” Jake said it as more of a statement than a question.

“Well…yeah.” He’d shown you more than enough times that there was no point in trying to hide anything from him. “But I don’t think that’s–”

“Not my business?” He smiled at you, though there was not a glimpse of humor in that flash of teeth. “As if it wasn’t me and you long before him.”

“Why are you so mad? It's been months since the last time. And–”

“And I wasn’t as important, hm?” He turned his palms up in a half-shrug.

“That's not true.” You lowered your voice, averting your gaze. You didn’t actually know if it was true or not. Jake, at the end of the day, had only been a placeholder. A seat-filler, someone to take the place of the one man you thought you couldn't have. It had meant something, but not all that much.

"So, let me get this straight–"

"Jake," you huffed, interrupting him. "Can you just slow down? What the hell is all this even about?" The pieces were starting to fall into place, although your mind would not allow you to even glimpse at the full picture. "Sorry if you heard me and Sam fucking in his room, or something, but you didn't have to drive me all the way out here to scold me for it."

"Alright, alright." He held his hands up in mock surrender. "Let's start at the top. You were with me, now you're with him."

"I haven't been with either of you."

"Sorry, you were fucking me, now you're fucking him. And I don't appreciate that all too much."

You rasped out a sigh, your stress over Sam boiling over into anger, now. "You don't get to dictate who I choose. That's not how this works. Sam already figured that out, seems like you need the same lesson."

"You're misunderstanding me. It's not that, it's because it's him."

"What do you mean?" You shook your head, already exhausted with this discussion.

“So I was just some springboard to get you closer to Sam, right? Just your launch point to reach him.”

“Jake,” you sighed. “It's not that serious. Plus, I didn’t think what me and you had was all that important to you.”

“And why would you think that?”

“Seems like every time I see you, you've got someone new in tow.” You were struggling to contain your anger at this point. “Don’t try to tell me I was anything different than your flavor of the week.”

“It was important, though. And you were the only one…” the anger in his voice faltered a bit. “You were the only one for a while. Until I figured you’d gotten bored.”

“You’re making quite the fuss over a whole two nights, Jake.”

“Two of the best nights of my life, actually.”

It felt like a line he'd said to many girls before you. “Either way, it was twice,” you sighed. “Let it go.”

“We're losing the point here,” he said. “I told you I wouldn’t play a part in some jealousy game. And you played me regardless.”

“Jake, I didn’t–”

“It was all just to piss him off, wasn’t it?” His jaw was set, and his teeth bit at the inside of his cheek between sentences. You’d never seen him angry like this. “I don’t appreciate being played like some chess piece in your feud with him. Even if it ended well for you.”

“Please, just listen to me! It wasn’t like that, okay?” You were growing exasperated. “Maybe I had some ulterior motives, but if I did, it wasn’t on purpose. I wouldn’t have fucked you at all if…” you trailed off, stopping yourself before you could finish. You’d just dug yourself another hole.

“If you’d thought you had a chance with him? So I was just the backup? Next best thing?” He shook his head, his eyes looking out at the snow-covered overlook.

“As if I didn’t just happen to be the one easy girl in the room at that Halloween party.”

“You might think I’m just some kind of…womanizer, or something, but you’ve got me all wrong, angel. I liked you. I really liked you. Despite my better judgment, I still do. For you, not for the way you look, like you seem to think.”

“But you didn’t love me.”

"Does Sam love you?"

That question was one you hadn't expected to hear from his lips. You were certain of the answer, despite never having heard it directly from Sam. Every one of his actions was drenched in his love for you. "Of course he does." You said it with complete conviction.

He paused, turning his gaze back to you and letting his hands fall into his lap. “And what if I did too?”

You could feel the magnitude of those words shake through you like an earthquake. He didn’t. He doesn’t. “But you don’t.”

“Love is a strong word,” he sighed. “My feelings for you wouldn’t be correctly described with a word of such weight. But it was certainly more than just thinking you’re hot. Which is why I’m not pleased you made me a victim of your game.”

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you.” It felt like he was talking you in circles, with no clear goal to his lecturing. “I'm sorry. I fucked up. I shouldn’t have slept with you when I knew how complicated the situation was, and when I knew Sam was the one I wanted the most. I just didn’t think it would end this way.”

“Neither did I.”

“Can we just…forget this? Leave it in the past? And can you please just keep it to yourself?”

“That's the other thing we need to talk about. Too late for that."

Those last four words made you feel like you’d just stepped off a cliff. Your body went numb, your ears ringing yet the world going eerily silent. “What?”

“He knows.”

You opened your mouth, finding the words caught in your throat for a moment. He stared at you in silence, waiting patiently. “No he doesn't,” you said softly.

“I told him.”

You had to fight the urge to reach across the center console and claw his eyes out. After all that talk of how much he liked you, he was more than willing to fuck up the once nice thing you'd ever had in your life. “Jake.” You drew in a shaky breath, trying to keep a level head as rage threatened to overtake you completely. “Why would you tell him? What did you say?” A part of you prayed he was lying, just trying to gauge your reaction as some kind of sick test.

“I wanted him to back off. I'll be honest, I didn’t realize it was so serious between the two of you. I thought he was trying to steal you.”

“Steal me?!” You screamed it at him, finally snapping. “When you– as if I even– god, what the fuck is wrong with you?!”

With every word, his eyes widened a bit, and he shrunk further against his side of the car. “Maybe if you’d told me he was the one you actually wanted, I would’ve never–”

“Was it not fucking obvious?” You ran your fingers through your hair, pulling at the roots, your bottom lip starting to quiver.

“Not to me!” He bit back. “Not to anyone else but the two of you!”

“And that’s why I haven't seen or heard from him for the past two days, right? Right, Jake?”

He shrugged. “Probably.”

“I hope you’re happy.” You jabbed a finger at him, inches away from his face. “I hope this is everything you were hoping for.” Tears welled up in your eyes, and you didn’t bother even attempting to choke them back.

“You’re the one who decided to hook up with me,” he said, gently pushing your hand away from him. “Were you just planning on hiding it forever?”

“I was going to tell him on my own time,” you hissed. “I wanted to be delicate about it. I’m guessing you just screamed it in his face like an insult.”

“Not quite.”

“Did he give you that?” You pointed to the bruise along his cheekbone. “Did he beat the shit out of you for me?”

“Would it make you feel better if he did?”

“I fucking hate that, you know. When you answer my questions with a question.”

“To be honest with you, angel, I don’t really care.” There was a bitter edge to his words now.

“I hate you.” When it left your mouth, you expected to regret it, but you didn’t. Not even a little bit. In this moment, you meant it.

“Good. I deserve it.”

"When did you tell him? What did you say?"

"A couple days ago. Just asked him to back off, and he snapped on me."

You didn’t want to hear another word, your tolerance for him already past its breaking point. You flipped up the hood on your coat, hooking your fingers around the door handle.

"Hey now, hold on–” He reached for you as you made your way out of the car, trudging away from him through the snow. He got out after you, calling your name. “You can’t walk from here!” He shouted at you. “It’s too cold out! You’ll freeze to death!”

“I don’t care!” You called back, not slowing down even as the bitterly cold air whipped against your skin. It was brutal, but you figured you could make it. You heard his car door close behind you, and you kept walking. At this point, you really didn't care.

The mental numbness wore off within a few steps, and it all crashed down on you piece by piece, as if you were slowly being buried by an avalanche. He had ruined everything for you. You felt so fucking stupid, thinking you'd had something worth keeping with this group of brothers. You looked to the horizon, to the dark swell of the road and the mounds of snow pushed aside by the plows. You probably couldn't make it, but you didn't care. With any luck, the snow and wind would swallow you up, and you would cease to exist on this planet anymore. Maybe that would be for the better – none of this would hurt you if you'd never been born at all.

His car started up, and his tires crunched across the snow towards you. You wouldn’t look at him when he slowed to your walking pace and rolled his window down.

“Get in the damn car.”

“No.” You still wouldn't look at him, feeling like a defiant child.

“It’s at least five miles back home. You’re not walking all that way. Get in.”

You knew you couldn’t make it back. But some part of you was too prideful, too ashamed of your own mistakes, too hell-bent on disappearing into the snow to never return, to get back in his car. Even as the wind battered every inch of exposed skin, your fingers nearly numb, you didn’t care. You figured you deserved this, for putting this family through such hell.

He called your name again, more stern this time, in a tone that actually made you stop. “You’re bleeding, by the way. Get in.”

You hadn’t realized, in all your anger, you'd been digging your nails far too hard into your palm, scratching at the half-healed scab there. A single droplet of blood ran down to your fingertip, and you watched it land in the snow, spreading out along the ice beneath. Your tears were nearly frozen to your cheeks when you finally looked at him. It was a look of agony that he gave you, more expression on that face than you’d ever seen before. And it hit you that he didn’t want this, either. Both of you had been trapped. Caught in a place you didn’t want to be in, stuck between two hells. Whichever path both of you had decided to take, it wouldn’t have ended well.

Considering the severity of the bruise blossomed along Jake’s cheek, Sam likely wouldn’t have taken the news well, even if it was from your mouth. Sure, it would have been a more peaceful resolution than flying fists, but you doubted he would be able to forgive you. It was a mistake, a slip-up you should have never made, but it broke many fundamental rules these men seemed to live by. You hadn't really been able to comprehend it at the time – the weight of fucking your crush’s older brother. Put so simply, it seemed like an awful thing for you to choose to do.

“I didn’t want this,” Jake said, his voice wavering. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

“Why can’t I just be happy?” You asked, to nobody in particular. “Is this really what I deserve?”

“No. I'm…not happy about any of this, either. But I don’t want you to be damn near killing yourself over it.”

You couldn't think of anything more to say, falling silent as your chest heaved with labored sobs. You stood motionless as you heard his door open and close, and his footsteps on the snow in front of you. The toes of his shoes appeared in your gaze.

“I can’t fix this for you. But I can make it a little easier.”

“How?” You asked, the word exploding from your chest in a gasp.

“I don’t know yet.”

His hand settled on your shoulder, and you felt no need to push him away. He’d fucked up, but in the end, he was right. You were the one who’d decided to sleep with him. You couldn’t blame him for the outcome of your own bad decisions. You couldn’t have possibly expected all of these lies and secrets to hold themselves together forever.

Without thinking, you fell against him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and burying your face into his neck, reveling for just a moment in that familiar scent of vanilla. Sobs wracked your body as you hung off of him, wetting his jacket with a torrent of tears. He said nothing more, only holding you gently and allowing you all the time in the world to cry.

“I don’t hate you,” you choked out between gulps of frigid air.

“I know.”

[louscartridge]

dating bose o'brien thoughts or wtvr

bose obrien x gn reader

i do not give permission for my fics to be posted claiming to be yours, translated, or posted on another platform.

cw- reader knows bose is brainstorm, cuddling, mentions of horror movies, established relationship, reader calls bose 'baby' and /silly' once, angst/hurt +comfort if you squint, reader and bose say "i love you" to eachother.

danger force masterlist here

❥ bose is Literally the most golden retriever boyfriend to ever exist. anyways following you around and wanting to be with you. he'd (attempt to) do almost anything for you. when you're not around he gets all mopey and cant stop talking about you.

"no wonder he cant remember anything. all he ever thinks about is y/n"

❥His love language(s) are physical touch, and gift giving. Hes always clinging onto you when hes scared, or sad, or just around you honestly. You remember that one episode of danger force where shwoz's mom was "sick" and bose got her golf clubs? (Im gonna pretend he used his own money for that 💀) He uses the little money he gets from occasionally working at nacho ball, on you.

you put what bose had bought you back in the box, and onto the table that was in the middle of the couch the two of you were sitting on.

"Bose, baby. As much as i love this, and you, you really dont have to spend any of your money on me at all. Get something YOU want for yourself." you tell him.

"All i want to myself is you" he replies, his voice cracking slightly at the end making you smile while you blush at his statement.

"Ok, Ill tell you what. How about you get that new dvd you were talking about a few days ago, and we can watch it together. Then, we'll both have what we want"

❥ Obviously you guys watch shows and movies together all the time. I feel like he really likes watching cartoons with you alot too. You make him happy, cartoons make him happy, therefore- extra happy bose. You love horror movies, but as we know, bose is a bit of a scaredy cat when it comes to horror movies. However, that doesnt mean that he wont watch them with you. He knows how much you like them, and he also knows how much it means to the both of you to watch stuff together.

Youre on of the few people he'll actually watch a horror movie with. Though he still gets scared, he always feels the most safe and secure while watching a horror movie when youre there. Boes is practically hooked on your back like a koala, and his arms loosely wrapped around your neck. As hes watching the movie with you, he would occasionally yelp, and bury his face in the crock of your neck and his arms, tightening the hold his arms have around your neck slightly, all while saying "im not scared i dont know what you're talking about"

❥ This man absolutely loves cuddling. Spooning, sitting in the others lap, it didnt matter. As long as you were touching eachother, he was happy.

Hes most definitely is usually a little spoon. He feels insanely safe and protected by you. As much as he always says to the rest of his co-workers and friends that he "can protect himself" you know that sometimes he needs a little help, and he gets more scared then hed like to admit. With you tho, he had absolutely no doubt that he'll be alright.

❥ i feel like bose doesnt really care too much about sounding cheesy when hes talking to you or about you. At first he might've been a little scared to tell you how he feels about you, but after that, god he just keeps going on. He loves you and he'll sure as hell tell you that he does. He doesnt say "i love you" excessively, but he definitely says it at least twice everyday. At least once in the morning, and at least once before he or you go to sleep.

He actually said it first. One of his favorite shirts got ripped and he asked you to fix it. When you were done sewing it and gave it back to him, he exitedly grabbed it out of your hands while enthusiasticly saying "oh my god thank you, i love you" before running away.

a bit later bose came back to the couch in the mans nest where you were sitting, only this time he was wearing the shirt that you had just fixed for him a little bit ago. He sat down next to you but he seemed kinda anxious.

"Whats wrong bose?" You asked him, leaning forward slightly so you could see his face better. He was biting at his lower lip a little and looking down at his hands that were bouncing up and down from his leg bouncing. "I-im sorry if i weirded you out or anything earlier" he said not looking up from his hands. "No you didnt. Why would you? You didnt do anything" you took your left hand and softly brought it up to his jaw , turning his face so you could see eachother properly. Bose hesitated for a second before answering. "When I said i love you" it seemed as if he was holding himself back from looking at you, instead he was looking aimlessly behind you, or back down again. Only time time, instead of seeing his hands, he sees his knees slightly touching yours. You slowly rubbed your boyfriends cheekbone with your thumb. "Oh my god bose, thats what you're worried about?" You chuckle slightly. "I love you too. I said it back, you just ran away too fast for you to hear it silly" Once you said that, boses eyes immediately shot to yours. "Really?" Even tho he said it quietly, you could still hear the happiness in his voice.

"Really." You confirmed, bringing him into a soft kiss.

[jade-04]

Dove (Part 6)

first part | part 5 | part 7

Eddie Munson x fem!Henderson!reader and Steve Harrington x fem!Henderson!reader

Summary: Dustin Henderson’s older sister finds herself in a predicament having to choose between Steve “the Hair” Harrington and Eddie “the Freak” Munson

a/n: First, (Y/N/N) means your nickname. Second, I feel like this is a very dialogue heavy chapter. 

Warnings: swearing, fluff, little bit of angst from Steve

taglist: @happiejoon @simonsbluee @nervouslaught3r

------

You spent all of Sunday cleaning around the house with your mom and Dustin. You were in the midst of cleaning your room when your brother called up to you from the kitchen.

“(Y/N)! PHONE!” Dustin yelled.

“Coming!” You yelled back, leaving th feather duster you had on your bed. 

When you got into the kitchen, Dustin handed you the phone. “It’s Robin.” 

“Hey, Rob. Whats up?” You said taking the phone from Dustin.

“(Y/N/N). A little birdie told me that you were on a date with Munson last night?” You could hear Robin’s smirk in her voice. 

“Would that little birdie happen to be Steve?” You said, eyebrows raised even though she couldnt see it.

“Maybe… but is the little birdie correct?” 

“Yes, Robin, that little birdie is correct.” You felt a smile creep across your face remembering last night. 

“Oh. My. GOD! Thats awesome! You have to tell me all about it. How did it happen? Are you guys like an official thing?” Her voice had a tone of excitement in it. You could tell she was happy for you. 

“I will tell you all about it on the drive to school tomorrow. Ill pick you up at 7:30?” You wanted to end the phone call fast so that you could finish cleaning and start your homework. 

“Works for me! Bye!” You heard the click as Robin hung up and put the phone back on the hook. 

You started to walk back to your room to finish cleaning, but were stopped when you found your brother standing in the hallway, next to the the hall phone. His face was all scrunched up, he looked a little mad, but also a little happy. 

“You went on a date with Eddie?” He said a little too loud and accusatory for your liking. 

“Were you listening in on my phone call with Robin?!” You said also a little to loud and accusatory for both of your liking. You herded him into your room and closed the door.

“Maybe, but answer my question!” Dustin said, quieter now.

“Yes, I was, Dustin. We had a rehearsal after I got off work and so we both decided to go out to dinner and call it a date.” You said with an exasperated sigh. 

“Are you guys a couple?” He asked now with a lighter tone to his voice. 

“I dont know, Dustin. We didnt talk about that.” You sat down on your bed. Personally, you wanted to be an official couple with Eddie, you just didnt know how to say that, and you thought it mightve been too soon. 

“Okay, just if you guys do become a thing, let him know that if he hurts you, he a goner. Okay?” Dustin came to sit next to you. “Also, if you hurt him, youre also a goner. I just really care about both of you and dont want to see either of you get hurt.” 

“Thanks, Dusty.” You said wrapping him into a hug. “But never listen in on my phone calls ever again, okay?” There was a slight scolding tone in your voice. 

“Okay.” He said hugging you back.

“I mean that, Dustin.” You said pulling away from the hug. “Now get out of my room, I need to finish cleaning.”

“Alright. Okay. I’m going.” Dustin said walking out of your room. 

You spent the rest of Sunday cleaning your room and doing your homework. You also spent the rest of Sunday deciding whether or not you wanted to approach Eddie about being in an official relationship with him or wanted to wait for him to bring it up. You kept racking your brain and decided to just leave it alone for now. You began to slowly drift off to sleep. 

------

You woke up at around 6:30 and started to get ready. You showered, brushed your teeth, all the usual stuff you would do to get ready. Today, your outfit of choice was a short, brown, dress you thrifted and your dads bomber jacket. You found yourself wearing your dads old jacket a lot recently. Your mom gave it to you for your 17th birthday stating that he was going to give it to you then because he got it when he was 17. You never had the urge to wear it until eary August came around, and now you wear it often. You had finished getting ready and put your shows on. Leaving for Robins house around 7:15, luckily Dustin always rode his bike to school with Mike and Lucas on Mondays, so you didnt have to give him a ride 

Pulling into the driveway, you noticed Robin was already sitting on her porch ready to go. She was dressed up nicer than usual today, but she also seemed a lot more anxious then usual today. She hopped up and made her way to your car, plopping down into the passenger seat. 

“Whats the occasion, Robin?” You questioned.

“Well,” she took a deep breath, “I was gonna try an ask Vicky to the homecoming dance today, like as a friend. I mean, obviously as more than a friend, but you know for obvious reasons I can’t do that. I know homecoming is a month way, but why not ask, right? So, I figured if I was gonna ask, I might as well look nice right?” Robin drew in another breath after rambling.

“Shit, I completely forgot about homecoming.” You sighed. “But, good luck today with Vicky. It’s gonna go well.” You nodded with reassurance.

“Soo, you and Eddie, whats the deal with that?” You could tell by the tone of Robins voice that she had a huge smile across her face.

“‘The deal’ is that we kissed a couple times and went on a date. I stil dont know if were anything official, I mean that would be great if we were, but I dont know if he would want that.” You said, blush creeping across your face.

“Hold on, back up. YOU KISSED!?” Robin yelled with surprise. “Okay, now you have to tell me about how that happened.” 

You laughed a little, but obliged. You spent the rest of the ride to school telling her all about your Saturday night with Eddie. Occasionally she would interrupt you with questions or gasps, but overall you could tell she was happy for you and she could tell that you were happy. You pulled into a parking space by the library entrance at school and parted ways with Robin. She decided to head to the band room to practice for a bit before school started and you wanted to go check out a new book before heading to your locker. After walking through the library for a bit, you decided to check out “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath because Nancy could not stop talking about it at the newspaper meeting last week. You put the book into your bag and made your way to your locker where you were met by Eddie. 

“Hey there, Sweetheart.” Eddie said, leaning against the locker next to yours. 

“Hi Eddie.” You smiled before going to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. When you pulled away you noticed he had something in his hand. “Whats that?” You asked pointing to it.

“Oh nothing.” He presented it to you. “Just a mixtape I made for my favorite girl.” You couldnt help but blush at the way he called you his favorite girl. It made you feel all special and warm inside. 

Eddie spent all of Sunday working on this mixtape for you. It only had 5 songs on it, but all of them reminded him of you. The songs were: Rock You Like A Hurricane, Edge of Seventeen, Cant Fight This Feeling, Talk Dirty To Me, and I Was Made For Lovin’ You. Obviously 3 of the songs you had sang and the other 2 described his feelings. He was so excited to give it to you so that you could listen to it and see how much he cared. 

“Oh, so I’m your favorite girl?” You beamed at him with bright eyes and blush coming across your cheeks.

“Shut up, (Y/N).” He looked away with a smile, blush spread across his face to match yours.

“Make me.” You said, mocking him from the other night with a smile.

Eddie put the mixtape in your locker before grabbing your waist to pull you in for a kiss. You kissed him back wrapping your arms around his neck. The two of you looked like those couples in the movies who kiss in the rain, but instead of the rain, you were kissing in your empty highschool hallway. You guys only pulled away when your heard Dustin and his friends’ voices.

“Gross, dude. That’s my sister.” You heard Dustin say. 

“Seriously, Eddie. In the hallway?” This time it was Lucas’s voice.

You and Eddie both turned to face the boys, one of his arms left wrapped around your waist. 

“Come on boys, Im allowed to kiss my girl in public, even if it grosses you out.” He leaned to kiss the top of your head. The mix of the kiss and his words causing you to grin. You couldn’t believe Eddie had just called you his girl. You guys may not have been official yet, but there was an already obvious understanding that you were his and he was yours.

“Wait, so when did this happen?” Mike questioned looking back and forth between you and Eddie. 

You opened your mouth to answer, but were interrupted by Dustin. “Saturday. She told me about it yesterday.” 

“So what, are you guys like officially a thing?” Lucas asked the question you’d been dying to know the answer to for the past 48 hours.

You and Eddie both looked at eachother before he opened his mouth to answer. “I say we are, as long as thats okay with (Y/N)?” He raised an eyebrow at you looking for the answer he was hoping for. 

You smiled at him. “Thats perfect with me.” 

You couldn’t believe it, Eddie was your boyfriend. Yea, the relationship was moving a bit fast, but you were so excited to be with him. Throughout the school day, you were in a daze thinking about that morning when you made it official. You and Eddie even sat together at lunch that day. Some people had stared at you, since you looked like such an unusual couple, and Dustin, well he didn’t mind but it was so weird for him to see his idol with his sister in his lap. Nonetheless, he was happy for both of you. The way Robin had questioned you after lunch at the beginning of English was also funny to you. She was suprised on how quickly you and Eddie were the talk of the school by the end of lunch and how she didn’t find out from you before hearing from some random dude in her math class. You didn’t care that people were talking about the two of you. If people wanted to say you were taken to the dark side, then so be it, you were happy. At the end of the school day, Eddie met you at your locker to walk you to your car and with you for Dustin to come out, even on the days he biked to school, you always gave him a ride home.

------

Steve was already waiting in the parking lot so he could pick up to Robin to take her to their shared shift at Family Video. In his boredom of sitting outside his old school, he noticed you and Eddie walking together, hands interlocked. He couldn’t help but feel jealous of Eddie and how badly he wanted to be him. He was brought out of his trance when Robin knocked on his window.

“Whatcha lookin’ at there, Stevie?” Robin said getting into the car.

“It’s nothing.” He said, sounding a bit out of it. Robin looked at Steve and followed his gaze to where you and Eddie were leaning against your car. 

“Steve?” Robin said, now waving a hand in front of his face. “I know you like her man, but did you really expect for her to think you liked her with the amount of dates you go on?”

Steve snapped out of it. “I just wanted to give it time to see if maybe she had any reciprocated feelings towards me.” He sighed, hand running through his hair. “I guess I was just too slow. Now, Munsons got her.” 

“If it makes you feel better, she never really mentioned him until they kissed a few days ago.” Robin offered up a smile.

“They kissed?!” Steve looked over at Robin with shock in his eyes. “I mean I know I saw them on a date, but shit they kissed.” 

“I think you just need to drop it for now, Steve. Munson makes her really happy, but if you want to get her, you’ll have to confess soon. They just started dating, maybe you’ll be able to slip in their.” Robin was doing her best to give advice to Steve and make him feel optimistic, but she also didn’t want to see you stressed and anxious with your emotions. 

“I don’t want to be that guy.” Steve said, sighing. “I know I could get any girl I wanted, even if that meant (Y/N), I couldn’t make her feel lost like that.” Steve really wanted to tell you, he even thought about telling you on Friday night, maybe inviting you over a bit before Robin so you could talk alone. Then again, he didn’t want to ruin your happiness. 

Steve was stuck. He really wanted to be with you. He’s been pining over you since June when he saw you walk into the store across from Scoops Ahoy. Since a couple weeks after that when you would always come in to annoy Robin. Since after the whole deal with the Russians and the mall coverup and the way you took charge. Even though, he had more of a past with you, could that really change what you have with Eddie. Throughout his whole shift, Steve questioned telling you, he decided that he would tell you Friday night before the movie. Maybe it wouldn’t change anything, he was okay if it didn’t, as long as you were happy. If it did though, Steve would be the happiest man alive. 

(a/n pt 2: Im sorry this part took forever to come out. I was feeling really depressed for a bit and I myself am stuck in a jumble of emotions like Steve rn, but pt 7 should be out by Wednesday if this week is nice to me :). I've also been working on some new fics that I cant wait for you guys to see!)

[rosymorns]

anyway, like, final thoughts on book 3 . not that i expect that u care and i’m not much of a media critic. this is as much for me to sort out my thoughts as anything else.

i liked it! it’s definitely the weakest of the three books. and felt shorter? was it shorter?? i feel like books 1 and 2 took me FOREVER to play through, whereas i played through both of these like. on my breaks while at work. idk. i didn’t read as closely, granted.

far and away the weakest part was the plot -- or the antagonist, specifically. we got a lot of build-up with sin in the demo and kind of in the way the book was promoted, but he just didn’t feel... dangerous? textbook show dont tell ass stuff. UB tells us he’s dangerous but other than “hes strong and he can fly and UB can’t fight him” -- like, yknow? i think we needed to see him more thoroughly kick UB’s ass. and since all the other scenes with anwir are through sin’s pov, and we don’t see sin call him anwir, it felt like the “real” antagonist, like, wasn’t there.

oh and the hand-wavey “sin is doing this because of, uh, magic” -- but it’s *never* explained? i thought i missed it my first playthrough. i still think i missed it. this is the antagonist, dude! we have to have a coherent motivation for them.

also some... i don’t know whether to call it tonal or pacing problems. we’ve got this kind of urgent plot and it felt like sera kept going “okay, this is getting too plot heavy, let’s send the detective on a date” -- whereas in the other books the time spent with the LI felt more natural.

as of right now i played a nate-focused LT (i.e. i got the nate-date scenes when the choice was presented) and an adam route. i love the LT normally and probably would’ve liked it more if i’d split my time between adam and nate; the “detective goes with nate and adam looks at them sadly” didn’t give me the angst i wanted. 

i’ve seen some people complain about the A route moving too quickly, but. yeah i dunno this is on par with what i expected. we’re almost at the half-way point of the series and sera has been very clear that A’s route isn’t going to end book 7 with them admitting their feelings. we’re going to get substantial time being in a relationship with them. they spent two (and a half, really) books completely in denial. we’ll probably get a full confession and some sort of cautious relationship in book 4, and be in an actual relationship with them for the rest of the series.

sorry. oh my god this is not on topic. and maybe it’s because i read a lot of romance novels and am broadly very familiar with the genre because it’s my collection at work. but i feel like a lot of wayhaven fans have not gotten it into their heads that this is essentially a romance novel. like, it’s full of romance tropes. i’m familiar with the genre so my expectations are pretty much always in line with what ends up happening. but a lot of time i see people complaining about things and im like “thats......part of the genre. you wouldn’t complain about a fantasy book for having magic?”

anyway. i liked a’s route. the kiss scene was a lil melodramatic, but in a delightful way ;^) and picking N as your best friend in a’s route is just Peak. i love it.

oh, the whole chamber thing felt like padding. i wish there had been more to the meeting, or that the meeting had been cut. i hated that the detective didn’t have a lot of options to... like, take it seriously? like they’re portrayed as being super nervous leading up to it and then they fuck around inside the room itself and mouth off to the chamber members. i’m sure it’s meant to.... like, the chamber is going to be much more important later, so sera wanted to introduce them early and have the detective have met them so that it doesn’t seem like she pulled them out of nowhere when they’re important later on. but yeah, super weird bit. these people are flying in from all over the world to have a six minute conversation with you where they introduce themselves and possibly scold you for letting tina/verda find out about the supernatural. Why. this could have been an email.

ummmmmm the dinner date scenes were my favorite part. the house arrest dates were a little weird but enjoyable. i didn’t like that when you fuck up at the auction and have to make the choice between apprehending anwir and saving the captives, sin just captures him for you (or does he only do that if you were nice to him or smth? i haven’t done any code diving or extensive testing). there should’ve been consequences. sera wasn’t afraid to let murphy get away before.

i think that’s it. 6.5/10 stars. will probably play N’s solo route and will definitely play A’s route again. not as good as book 1, but i don’t think any of them will be. <3

[seongwin]

ateez as my fav tropes

Please ignore my crappy spelling and what not i am def not a writer-- simply writing my thoughts as they come baby /// i am literally so terrified of posting this but whatever (゜∀。)

Friends to lovers: a personal fav; like so good and classic how could you go wrong?? I 100% believe any of the members would fit in this trope but specifically-- Yunho, Wooyung, Jongho and Yeosang 

Arranged Marriage au: will literally scream and cry for this au likee?? Especially if it includes enemies to lovers KEKEKE this no doubt for me is Seonghwa and Mingi-- i just think this is such a silly little idea (>///<)

Pirate au: obvi this is a little too fitting for ot8 but i genuinely love this au; like you can't go wrong with it; the sea, stealing, being pirates, ships, being pirates, swords, literally everything; so silly and i love it- just all of that good good fills up my brain juices like no other ( ˘▾˘)~

Brothers best friend: now this one… lord let me tell you; i wholeheartedly believe this is ment for Jongho like someone tell me you agree (T^T) ; he is just so perfect for it like… the sorta  unobtainable man of your dreams AHUVDGBDJKIDVH i could pass away rn.  He's good at everything and you’ve had a crush on him for forever but HE CANNOT BE ATTAINED LIKEEE??? Oh my god this idea is going to make me spiral- Jongho plus was like a new boom of love for me so I’m eating this shit up rn ;^; OH MY GOD THE PINING!?!?!!!? Like it would be mutual BUT YOU DONT KNOW THAT //// slowburn af is all im saying-- so kind and so soft with that good good yummy sprinkle of angst- I’m sorry i’m invested now… 

Anyways, San also is so perfect for this but his would be more of a friends to lovers scenario ya feel

YEOSANG KEKEKE also pretty self explanatory me thinks 

Oh no! there's only one bed ¬‿¬ : i will eat this for  breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Thank you very much. 

Dont even get me started on if literally nothing but unbearable tension happens because- like for real, as much as i can't stand tension I  also can’t say no// sigh.. such is life… // got sidetracked but literally ot8 like-- jkjk it's Seonghwa 2000%; maybe its my bias talking but he just screams this shit like- my respectful king but the fucking tension could be cut with a knife ( i love saying that its so silly and classic anyways..) but would anything happen???  yea who knows but it would for sure be juicy-- glances, faint touches, so super nervous but still so sweet BDUKVEFUWKBDUF i could go crazy. 

kim hongjoong. like friends to lovers oh no he crawls into the wrong bed moment. ya feel...

I CAN NOT ESCAPE THIS THOUGHT NOW!>!? oh my god tried af Hongjoong + literally was asleep u?? yea goodbye. purely fluff and kind and love-- like the "oh my god he looks so cute sleeping. ...AM I IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND!?!??" ya feel the vibe?? sigh i love this thought. XDDD ( i think XD is so silly and fun i don't even care)

Fake dating: I literally can not let myself talk about this. It's truly  just so yum. 

BABY YOU KNOW IT’S YUNHO. Like he’s ultimate boyfriend material so I feel like it’s a natural choice. OH MY GOD the “i know this is fake but it feels so real” VHDUEVFUDKQ. We all know Yunho is our acting king so HOW COULD YOU TELL?? IS IT REAL OR NOT??!??  But then even in private  he’d be so sweet-  IS IT CUZ HE LIKES U BACK?? You’ll never know T_T (spoiler alert the feels are mutual KEKKE) 

 I don't really have a preference over if they know each other beforehand or not-- so silly and fun either way 

Honorable mentions aka i don't feel like screaming and trying to write that down:

Mutual Pining 

Slow Burn ///

Coffee Shop AU (hongjoong yea i see ur ass; YOU TOO WOOYOUNG) 

Please do not mention how many times i say like or use ellipses….

[soursturniolo]

scare, alternate ending • matt sturniolo

pairing: matt sturniolo/fem!reader

summary: matt and you handle a pregnancy scare. alternate ending to the original scare

tags: angst and then fluff, with some humor sprinkled in. happy ending.

tw: light discussion of periods and pregnancy

It feels like my heart stops as I look at the calendar on my phone.

9 days late. And I’m never late.

I noticed this morning that my box of tampons still sat in the cabinet, unopened, in Matt and I’s shared bathroom. I hadn’t thought anything of it, until I opened my calendar to see when my next dentist appointment is.

I swallow dryly as I lock my phone and slip it back into my pocket, dropping down to sit on Matt and I’s bed. All I can think about is that damn calendar. 9 days late. 9 whole days. One or two days is normal I guess, but nine entire days?

I can feel my thoughts spiraling already. Matt and I are safe. I’m on a good birth control and we use condoms often. But even those aren’t foolproof. I do remember forgetting my pill twice this month.

Oh god. What if I’m pregnant? I’m not ready for a kid right now.

Oh god, and Matt. Matt isn’t ready either. With his career and plans with his brothers there’s no way this could even work right now. It would ruin everything. I feel tears of worry and anxiety fill my eyes and begin to drop down my cheeks.

My thoughts just continue to spiral and spiral, until I feel the bed dip next to me. I turn to see Nick, who had stayed behind with me while Matt and Chris went out to pick up some groceries.

“Babe, what’s wrong?” He asks concerned, his arm wrapping around my shoulder, pulling me into a side hug as we sat together.

I open my mouth to speak as my eyes meet his, but all that comes out is a sob. My hand moves to cover my mouth as more sobs follow. Nicks face creases in worry as his other arm wraps around me, pulling me into a hug as he rubs my back soothingly.

“Deep breaths, babe. Whatever it is, it’ll be okay,” he tells me, making me jerk back as I shake my head.

“No it won’t! He’s going to hate me!” I cry.

“If you’re talking about Matt, that kid could never hate you,” Nick tells me, voice calm and reassuring.

“I don’t know, Nick,” I laugh without humor, “this might.”

“Did you cheat?” Nick asks face calm, but apprehensive.

“No! God no,” I immediately answer.

Nick gives a small smile at the quick response.

“Okay, highly doubted it when I asked anyway,” he laughs, “but I don’t know what else could have you so upset thinking he’s going to hate you. You can talk to me, I want to help. What’s wrong?” He asks again.

I sigh. Nicks my best friend. He’s how I met Matt in the first place. I really wanted to just talk to Matt about this first, but with LA traffic and all Matt probably won’t be back for another hour. I don’t think I can survive another hour keeping this all bottled up.

“Nick, it’s bad,” I begin, voice shaken.

“I don’t care how bad, I’m here,” he immediately responds.

I take a deep breath.

“I’m late.” I state.

If this wasn’t so serious, Nicks reaction would have been funny. He stares at me blankly for a moment, before his head cocks to the side a bit in confusion.

“Like, to an appointment?” He asks, lost.

“No, Nick,” I sigh, shaking my head, “my period is late” the last part comes out like a whisper.

Once Nick connects the dots his jaw drops open a bit in surprise, confirming my feelings.

“See! It’s so bad, Nick, this is so bad!” I yell, jumping up from the bed and beginning to nervously pace in front of where Nick sits, still shocked.

“N-no, it’s not bad!” He stutters as he watches me with wide eyes.

I stop pacing and just look at him.

“Really? Not bad? Your jaw dropped open like that because you were trying to catch a fly, then?” I ask sarcastically.

“Listen, I just got confronted with the fact that my best friend and brother fuck, I needed a second,” he defends, hands up.

“Nick, we’ve been dating a year. We dont go to bed and play clash of clans together,” I tell him, making him roll is eyes.

“I know! I know but I also don’t think about it and now we kinda have to think about it and I don’t like it!” Nick exclaims.

“Don’t think about it!” I yell back.

We pause for a minute, staring at each other before we both crack smiles at how ridiculous this has become. We laugh and I return to sitting next to him. Nick wraps his arm around my shoulder again and rests his head against mine.

“So, how late are we talking?” He asks, getting back to the important point.

“9 days,” I whisper.

“Okay. Not horrible. Could be later,” he says, nodding. I nod too. A moment of silence passes as I nervously pick at my nails and Nick stares at the wall, thinking.

“Well, I think we know what we gotta do.” He says, softly.

I turn to him, knowing too.

“Let me call Matt, he should still be at the store with Chris. They can pick up a test,” Nick says. I take another shaky breath before nodding in agreement. I get my phone out and go to Matt’s contact, dialing his number before handing my phone to Nick.

“Hey baby,” Matt’s voice comes through the speaker softly.

“Hey, it’s Nick,” Nick says, earning a confused noise from Matt.

“Nick? Why do you have her phone? Is she okay?” He asks quickly, his concern making me smile softly despite the stressful situation.

“Um,” Nick pauses, which only worries Matt further.

“‘Um’, isn’t a good answer when a guy asks about his girlfriend, Nick,” Matt responds quickly.

“Sorry, she’s okay, but we need you to pick up something else for her while you’re at the store,” Nick says.

“Okay, what?” Matt asks.

Nick looks at me, encouraging me to speak. I take a breath before taking the phone out of Nicks hands, taking it off speaker and holding it to my ear.

“I need a pregnancy test,” I tell him softly.

I cringe as there’s a moment of silence on the other end of the line.

“Okay, I can grab that. Do you need anything else, sweetheart?” He asks softly. I smile again despite the tears I can feel coming again.

“No, that’s it,” I whisper.

“Okay, we’ll be back soon, I love you,” he tells me.

“Love you too” I say back before hanging up.

Nick and I move downstairs, where he puts on a movie for us to distract us while we wait. I let myself be pulled into its predictable plot line as we wait for Matt and Chris to come home.

We both are startled out of our focus on the movie when we hear the front door unlock, followed by it opening to reveal Matt coming in with a mostly empty plastic bag in his hand, while Chris came in carrying the other groceries. Nick moves to help Chris and grabs some of the heavier bags from him, both of them walking to the kitchen while Matt walks over to me.

I stand as he meets me by the couch. He looks surprisingly calm, while meanwhile I feel like my insides are shaking with the anxiety I’m feeling right now. He gives me a small smile before wrapping me in his arms. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding as I relax into his arms, resting my head against his chest. He gives me a gentle squeeze as I feel him press a kiss to my head.

“Let’s head to our room, baby,” he whispers, pulling back from the hug and grabbing my hand to lead me that way. Once in his room, he hands me the bag with the pregnancy test in it before sitting on his bed. Before walking to our bathroom, I pause.

“Matt, I need to know what this will mean,” I tell him.

He gives a small smile and holds his hand out to me. I walk over and grab it. He gives my hand a gentle squeeze, before bringing it up to lips to give it a kiss.

“We’ll do it together. Whatever it is. Sure, I thought kids would be later. But, if now is the time, now is the time. I think I’d be more freaked if this was with some random girl. But with you? I know whatever happens, we will be just fine,” he tells me, before giving the back of my hand another kiss.

“You promise?” I ask.

“I swear,” he tells me.

I smile and nod, before heading to the bathroom. The test is quick and easy, and I’m soon done. I leave the test on the bathroom counter, set my timer for fifteen minutes, and come back out to sit next to Matt on our bed. I rest my head on his shoulder as Matt wraps his arm around me. We just quietly sit, both of us lost in our thoughts as we wait, only to be shaken out of our trances by my phone loudly going off.

I sigh as I stand and walk back to the bathroom to grab the test. I pick it up, careful to not flip it over to show the result, and walk back out to Matt. I stop in front of him. He gives me another reassuring smile as his hands come up to rest on my hips.

“Ready?” I ask, voice cracking.

“Yeah, baby,” he says.

I take a deep breath, knowing this small test in my hand could change everything for the both of us. But I look at Matt, looking up at me with so much warmth and comfort in his eyes, and it’s not so scary anymore.

I flip the test over, both of our eyes moving to see the result.

Two little lines that change everything. It's positive.

My eyes immediately fill with tears, overflowing and hot as they run down my cheeks. My eyes move from the test to trail up to Matt's face. His eyes are wide as they stare at the result in shock, but I watch as a smile overtakes his face, his eyes moving from the test to my face as he beems at me.

"Baby! We're having a baby!" he cheers, dropping the test as he scoops me up in his arms, twirling me around. Despite the fear and anxiety I feel, I find myself smiling and laughing at his excitement. After a moment of us both giggling as he joyfully swung me around, he sets me back on my feet gently, his hands coming up to cup my cheeks and brush my tears away with his thumbs.

"I know this isn't how we expected this to happen, or even when we expected it, but I swear to you that I'm all in. One hundred percent. I'll be with you every step of the way. Every day, every appointment, every late night and early morning, I'm here and I'm always going to be here. I love you so much, sweetheart, and I love our little us just as much already," he tells me softly but devotedly. He means every word with his heart and soul, but I never had any doubts about him to begin with.

"I know, Matty. I love you too." I whisper to him, my voice breaking as tears start falling again.

"I know, I know this is sudden and scary and it's going to be a big life change for us, but we have each other always. I know you will be the best mom to our baby. I am so lucky to have you, and to be doing this with you. You don't have to be scared, I'm right here with you," he says, leaving a soft kiss on the top of my head as he pulls me into his arms, holding me so gently against him.

It's all suddenly so real. I'm having a baby with the love of my life, the best and most kindhearted man I've ever known. I pull Matt even closer to me, cupping his face and pulling his lips against mine for a sweet kiss, soft and full of all the love we have for each other and this new little life we will have.

We slowly pull away from each other, soft smiles painting both of our faces when we suddenly hear a loud thud from the hallway. Matt raises an eyebrow and walks towards our closed bedroom door, and I follow. Matt opens the door to find both of his brothers laying on the floor outside of his door, all tangled up in a heap, Chris on top of Nick who is caught in the middle of cursing Chris out as soon as the door opened.

"God damn it Chris, the one fucking time you really need to be careful you fucking flop on me like a goddamn elephant you stupid— oh, ha ha, hi there matthew," Nick says, voice quieting even more and looking sheepish at being caught eavesdropping. I stiffle a laugh at the two of them laying on the floor, as I look up to see Matt looking at his brothers with an irritated look but some fondness still in his eyes.

Chris, however, has no shame in being the clumsy one to get them caught, and instead quickly rises to his feet and grabs Matt in a bear hug, despite Matt stiffening up and turning to look at me with a loof as if asking for help. I stiffle a laugh and shake my head at the antics of the soon to be uncles.

"You're going to be a dad! Can we start buying cute baby shit now?!" Chris asks us both excitedly, still squeezing Matt in his arms. I smile and nod as I move to join in on the hug, Nick following to join in too. We already have such a good little family here, and I feel overwhelmed with happiness and excitement in adding to it.

note: woo its been 5 months since I posted the original version of this story. I'm so so sorry it's taken so long for the alternate version I promised but life has been a whirlwind. I'm hoping this will be the start of getting back into writing and creating :) love u all always ♥

tag list members; @secret-sturniolo @sturniolopepsi @christinarowie332 @mangosrar @cupidsword @st4rswrld @biimpanicking @bernardenjoyer @lovingsturniolo @sturnphilia @mxqdii @oh-toseewithoutmy-eyes @its-jennarose @fionaheartswomen @hedgehogperalta @thetriplets3 @lilsxo10 @recklesssturniolo @meg-sturniolo @flowerxbunnie @mlimmm @querenciasturniolo @jjmaybankswifes-blog @leah-loves-lilies @0-r-a-y-0 @sturnioloslut-b @sturnioloenthusiast @sturnworld @sturns-posts

[yearning-and-arson]

ur opinions r so real & so is your music taste . since i dont know what else to say obligatory blorbo infodump section here -an orange (real) :D

Omg thanks!! I have a hard time articulating words about my blorbos so I will some blorbo bingos but with characters of my choosing :) I’ll do Steve Harrington (the blorbo ever) and another Nancy Wheeler because I love her so so much, and then my two favorite Riverdale characters because they’ve been on my mind 24/7 and I gotta rant about them, this post is rather long :D

Steve Harrington (THE blorbo):

He’s just simply the guy ever, silly dude with the most gender, he’s my babygirl, girlfriend material, they get all the bitches, she should be allowed to wear a skirt, need I say more? (Sadly no bingo for Steve)

Nancy Wheeler (I love her I love her I love her I love her I lo-):

Got a bingo for Nance! *pats her head* this girl can hold so much angst, she has the brain cell, she should be allowed to go insane, someone (Robin) save her from that awful love triangle, she deserves the world, i want to put her in a blender and watch her bounce around in there, I simply don’t understand how people hate her, like I respect their opinions but they’re just wrong

Now onto my Riverdale blorbos, this show is insanely unhinged but I simply can’t get enough, and for the love of god I wish they would stop traumatizing my beloveds (also I’m going to school in Jughead cosplay today because he’s simply so gender even though I do not care for him as a character)

Archie Andrews (my son):

He is but a boy, he’s a golden retriever, he’s an absolute idiot, like so incredibly stupid and unhealthily selfless (Archie son listen to me Hiram murdering all those people IS NOT YOUR FAULT), he needs sooooo much therapy, he needs to stop finding every excuse to take his shirt off (sir your father was just shot please put your tits away), i wish his relationship with Veronica was more than just them having a short conversation then fucking (it’s seriously so annoying I have to skip through so many sex scenes, they could be so cute but they don’t do anything except for that and it pisses me off), I love him <3, He simply doesn’t know how to human, he’s trying his best, I want to hug him so fucking badly, got a bingo for my boy

Betty Cooper (the love of my life):

GET THIS GIRL SOME FUCKING THERAPY!!! REAL THERAPY NOT JUST REFILLING HER ADDERAL! This bitch is so fucked up it’s not even funny, her dad’s a serial killer, she got sent to a corrupt nunnery and drugged, all of her tuition money was given to the cult her fucking mom’s in, she is held to wayyyy too high of expectations and definitely has body issues, internalized homophobia and heteronormativity has this girl in such a tight grip (she’s lesbian and asexual), like the whole first episode of the show is her forcing herself to be in love with Archie and then she has her sexual awakening via Veronica Lodge (don’t even get me started on how gay those two are for each other), I really wish her and Jughead were just besties because I simply do not like them romantically (they are mlm/wlw solidarity and in a qpr), she is on my mind always, I really just want to hug her like she is so fucked up, I am so incredibly gay for her like I would not mind if she held a stake to my throat and threatened to murder me, her in the midnights club episode of season three is like one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen she is just so pretty

Alright that’s the end of my rant, I’m sure there’s some more thoughts up in my brain, but this is it for now! I noticed that my blorbos from both these shows are a bisexual himbo and a badass traumatized asexual lesbian who date at some point in the show but I don’t like them together. Interesting.

[omiscurls]

Diluc, zhongli and childe reaction to their s/o breaking up with them after something they said, maybe after a week or so after they argument they think the s/o forgave them but they break up instead? I WANT THE ANGST

consequences

plot: reader decides to break up with the character after not speaking to them

contains: diluc, zhongli, tartaglia (idk how am i going to do this to my special boy but ill try my best)

warnings: angst, breakups, implied past toxic behavior

a/n: OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO HARD- I DONT HAVE THE HEART TO BREAKUP WITH PEOPLE

diluc

hopeless thoughts ran through your head as you fought with yourself about wether to enter angel’s share or not, hand halfway through to the doorknob. your mind hadn’t been made up just yet, you were still in between two very different scenarios - the urge to forgive him for his hurtful words growing stronger each day, as anger and other emotions subdued to loneliness and the feeling of a part of you missing, ever since the two of you stopped talking.

your mind flashed back to the exact moment when you looked into diluc’s eyes, always so soft and calm for you, forming a way of anger he never expressed towards you before. to the feeling you got right then and there that this man is not the same one you’ve met and fell in love with.

the process of coming to terms with that conclusion was as painful as the first strike of his angry glare, and even though he seemed to have realized the weight of his words right after saying them out loud, no matter how hard you tried, you could not erase them from your memory.

one strike of that pain, one memory of that night was enough to make you go through with your plan, door to the bar opening with a little screech.

it was like just another late afternoon, with charles tending the bar, knights and townsfolk filling the hot room, and the smell of alcohol traveling through the air.

“hi” you said to the bartender “is master diluc around?”

charles, busy with his work, quickly replied that he’s out back, opening a barrel. you nodded and went where his directions guided, pushing open yet another door to see the back of the man you loved, looking just as always from this angle, working over said chore. he didn’t even seem to mind the fact that someone walked in on him working.

“diluc” you said with a sigh, and he almost immediately turned around, tools falling from his hands and onto the ground.

“darling, hi” he replied quietly, walking over to you but stopping half way, eyes set to analyze your expression, figure out what was going on in your mind. “i’m glad you’re here safely, i haven’t heard from you in over a week” he added cautiously, as if weighing every word before deciding to say it out loud.

“well” you sighed again, once again going over wether you should actually break things off right then, mind taking pity on his troubled expression, tired eyes, on the obvious eyebags that were much more apparent than before, a sign that he didn’t catch too much sleep. “i had to come to terms with what i’m about to say”

he wanted to tell you he was sorry, he really did, but words didn’t seem to come out of his throat. obviously he was sorry, it was a bad day and he meant none of what he said, but you knew that, right? you knew he always cared for you and loved you… right?

he wasn’t the best with words, hence, the idea of apologizing with a gesture after you were done teaching him his lesson came to mind. a brilliant idea, one could never go wrong with a thoughtful deed for their significant other, just give him one more chance.

“and my conclusion is, we need to take a step back and… reevaluate things in our lives. i’m not saying this is the ultimate end, but what you’ve said, and how you’ve said it made me realize…”

you were making a good point. you were talking about your feelings. he should listen, but the only thing he heard was the blood pumping through his veins, and the two single words

the end

so there won’t be another chance? he won’t be able to prove himself? what do you mean, the end? the best thing that ever happened to him in his sad life was coming to an end because of him? but he was so careful, he treated you like his treasure, because that’s how he truly felt, like his lifeline, something he could never lose…

and all it took was one sentence too much, one glare too intense. for the first time in what, six, maybe seven years, his eyes began to water, as he blinked the tears back at a rapid pace.

“… and that was a shitty thing to do. i hope you know that. i don’t know if i had anything else i wanted to say, perhaps i did, but… that’s all. see you around, i guess” you mumbled, loosing confidence in what you were saying, taking one last glance at his lost eyes before turning around.

turning around from him, from the love of your life, was perhaps the hardest thing you ever had to do, and yet you did do it.

before you could reach the door again, though, a cold hand caught your forearm. your eyes met his, with just a glimmer of hope that he would magically say all the right words and somehow make you stay, you didn’t want to leave, yet knew you had to. if you wanted to preserve the respect you had for yourself, you had to leave.

why were you giving him time to say something?

his helpless gaze seemed to speak with a thousand words, begging, pleading you to not leave through that door, but as much as his lips did part, not a single word left.

he couldn’t say anything to hold you back, and you ripped away from his grip, turned, and walked away.

and just like that,

he was all alone, again.

he was gonna need a drink.

zhongli

tears flooded your vision, blurring every details of zhongli’s face, causing you to only see a pale color palette, instead of your favorite person, ever. maybe it was for the best, maybe it would make it easier, you thought, but that was a foolish thing to hope for.

even through the salty tears, you could make out his eyes, it’s glow never failing to guide you, and comfort you, now seeming to burn their way through you, through your body and soul.

“you’re stuck in another love, zhongli, we both know that!” you exhaled a bit louder than you intended to, the outcome sounding more like an accusation than a fact. “how can you ever say you love me, when it’s so obvious, and so apparent, that every time you look at me, you see someone else? you HOPE for someone else?”

you could only wish the words you spoke didn’t come out as a complete mess, because of those tears you were constantly choking on. desperation seeped through your voice, as the feeling of helplessness rose every time you looked at your lover and at the anguish, and confusion he presented.

how could he make this so hard? it’s not like you’ve presented some statement he didn’t know already, right?

you hoped your eyes would say all the things you didn’t trust your voice to. you hoped he’d somehow hear how all you ever wanted was to be enough, was to meet his standard, how it tore you open that every time he said <i love you> his eyes wandered everywhere but onto yours, how all his touches seemed absent, how all his compliments were truly about some other face, some other smile, some other kind soul.

the worst part was, how could you blame him? how can anyone, ever, blame someone for being in love, of all things? love was something beautiful, and once you’ve experienced it, you’re drowned in it forever, and don’t even want to see the surface again.

love is beautiful. when you’re the one who’s receiving it. love was beautiful, to you, too, when you loved how his wisdom flew through his words, how his kindness hugged your spirit, how his aura brought you comfort. you loved his eyes, you loved his cheeks, his lips, every single detail of his skin.

the love you felt made you complete, made you warm, until you finally realize the thing you should’ve seen much sooner.

that you were merely a mirror for him to look at someone else, someone long gone.

suddenly all the warmth you felt was directed back at you, burning you inside, making you wish you never felt it in the first place.

“aren’t you gonna say something?” you whispered.

his long fingers found their way to your hand, but you snatched it away.

if you fell onto his charms now, you wouldn’t be able to get out once more.

his breath hitched as he gathered himself to speak

“i want nothing more than to love you” he said, although quietly, it rang through your ears like the loudest of screams.

you scoffed.

“we both would’ve wanted that, then”

“and i’m sure i can, if you just—“

now, laughter was all that you were capable of letting out.

“zhongli, you can’t train yourself to love someone. and even if you could, then how do you think that would make me feel? like i’m so unlovable you had to force yourself through it to grow accustomed to a feeling similar to love?”

“that’s not what i—“

“that’s what it means! let it go, please, please just… let me go” you sighed, standing up from the bench over at liyue harbor that you were sitting on. the sun has begun to set on the other side of the sea, and you couldn’t help but notice, it would’ve been the perfect date.

“i do sincerely hope you’ll find someone who’ll love you just the same” he finally stated, as he gave up on trying to make you stay.

“why?” you chuckled “so i could make them suffer the same way you made me?”

tartaglia

(archons give me strength)

you found nothing but guilt, looking into the endless ocean trapped in his eyes. for the first time in forever, they glistened, but not with a spark of joy, like you always hoped they would, they shone a sickly shine, caused by a thin layer of tears, that didn’t dear to spill over his porcelain cheeks, almost as if afraid of making contact with the ruthless face of the number eleven of the fatui harbingers.

he could’ve easily been crying if only he let himself go. he would’ve been in tears, sniffing and coughing, but he just… wasn’t. he held those tears in the gates of his eyes, as if his life depended on it.

the guilt you found inside them, wasn’t his, but yours. you felt guilty, watching this composed, confident man fall into pieces right before you, crumbling before your sight. why were you doing this? you seemed to forget all those terrible things you’ve heard just from the way his irises begged for forgiveness and brows furrowed in inexplicable sadness.

but you couldn’t, no, this time you couldn’t.

“my word” you swore on dear life you’d burst into tears if your voice shook right now “my word is final. we’re over. and that’s… that’s it. you need to understand that there won’t be another chance.”

the moment his lips parted, you knew you were lost.

“i have told you so many times already, but i will say this as much as i need to, it will never happen again! i swear, on everything i love and everything that i am, i swear on life itself, i won’t ever let that happen again! you know i won’t! come on, i promise you, if there’s anything you can say about me is i do keep my promises, don’t i? darling, please…”

“promise yourself to heal and become better, first” you stated coldly, watching faith disappearing slowly from his fixed look.

“im sorry, you know i am, im sorry, im sorry, im so fucking sorry!” a scream left his throat as desperation took over both reason and self-respect.

“sorry isn’t gonna cut it”

“then what will? i’ll do anything, anything in the world, anything to prove myself to you. i get that you can’t love me, i understand that, but please, let me win your trust again.”

he said unnaturally calmly, compared to what he did before, and you got concerned immediately.

i understand that you can’t love me, his words rang through your head. oh god, what were you doing? guilt stroke again, right at where you felt your heart to be.

right when you wanted to turn around and leave, he must’ve sensed that, and pulled you into a tight embrace. not suffocating, as they often describe it, not toxic and desperate, but… as loving as every other hug you’ve ever received from him. as calming and grounding, even though you could feel his heart racing. he didn’t refuse for you to leave, he didn’t trap you.

you understood after a while,

he was saying goodbye. all the love trapped inside his heart seeped out onto you, all his feelings surrounding and engulfing you.

“let me promise you this” he whispered, voice shaking painfully “the next time i’ll see you, i’ll be a better man. someone you will be able to be proud of, someone worthy of both your trust, and love. i won’t stop until i’ll be enough for you to look at me without the disgust and fear you have now. i promise. i’ll be better.”

“until then, then.” was the only thing you were capable of saying before leaving.

as soon as the door shut behind you, you rested against a wall and covered your mouth with a hand, unable to hold your tears any longer.

you heard a cry through the door. so he does have some feelings left, after all

your daily reminder that requests are open [here]

[strangelysamantha]

 crumbled cookies ☆

jj maybank x plus!reader (fem!reader)

warnings: abuse/hitting, hate speech, fat shaming, bullying, insecurities, swearing, fighting, jj’s dad, luke (yikes!) mad jj, mention of pills. 

words: 3,365.

summary: you decide it would be a good surprise to stop by jjs house quickly to drop off some of your homemade cookies, since you believe he isn’t feeling the best. then, unexpectedly jj's dad comes home with an unwelcoming embrace, which ruins the surprise.

request? nope, but requests are open :)

a/n: i randomly thought about this, i obviously don’t believe that us plus size baddies should ever be insecure, but i thought it would be a nice little angst imagine with fluff at the end! if you could, please comment and like if you enjoyed it, thank you! after i write a few requests i will proofread my stories :)

my masterlist

——————————————————————————

jj hadn’t answered any of your texts, usually this would worry you, but you understood that sometimes he just needed some space to be alone. you surprisingly were used to this because he always disappeared, and if he genuinely needed you, he knew where to find you. it also wasn’t bothering you because he had only been MIA for a few hours.

you, assuming that jj was just overwhelmed, decided to stay home and bake homemade cookies. jj always complimented your cookies, he loved taste testing them, and more importantly, he loved how you put so much effort into making them perfect, even if you were only making the cookies for him. jj wouldn’t admit it, but he definitely didn’t see you as just a friend. he didn’t know how he viewed you. he was too confused for his own good with his emotions. all he did know was that he depended on you, and that he never wanted to lose you. it would ruin him,  especially if he had done something to intentionally lose and hurt you.

you preheated the oven, excited to use a new cookie flavor for jj. you danced lightly to the music playing in the background of your kitchen, softly humming along as you gathered the dry ingredients, mixing them together. it was a fun little game you guys played, where he’d try and guess what extra ingredients you added that affected the cookie's flavor. he almost always got it wrong, but he was so cute sitting there always trying to guess it right, when he didn’t even know that much about cooking anyway.

unbeknownst to you, you were completely unaware of his feelings, despite the same feelings bubbling in your heart too. jj was your best buddy, and obviously you guys had flirtatious banter but it was nothing too serious. it didn’t help that every girl jj had a one night stand with, was the complete opposite of you. how could he like you, when every girl he fucks was not only skinny, but also rich, and mysterious?

pope wasn’t on your side either. he would always express how nauseated he felt when jj would jokingly flirt with you, and openly play with your feelings. he was quite vocal in scolding you when you would tell him that jj blew you off, or jj had pissed you off. deep down you did agree with pope, he wasn’t wrong.

a beep was heard from the oven as it was fully preheated. you had fully completed the cookie dough, now adding the most important ingredients. you decided to be nicer, and chose an easier flavor for jj to guess. you did this just in case something was seriously wrong he could at least be lifted up for guessing it right. m&ms and hershey’s kisses would be mixed together, creating a chocolate m&m hershey cookie, with added caramel on top. you quickly evenly separate the dough, before placing it in the oven waiting for it to rise.

the timer in the kitchen went off as you pulled the cookies out of the oven, careful to not burn yourself. you stick a knife into the cookie to ensure it was fully cooked before smiling contently to yourself. you let them cool off as you got dressed and prepared to go to jjs house.

you added caramel before sliding four cookies into a ziplock baggie. the cute baggy had a drawn on heart and a nice message for him. you didn’t expect to stay long, and you honestly didn’t even know if he would be home.

when you arrived to jjs house it looked vacant and abandoned. the nerves finally catching up to you as you realize he hasn’t talked to you all day. you knock on the front door, waiting for a response but you are left standing there waiting. you frown before hesitatingly walking down the steps. you look up when you hear a car approach, and a glimmer of hope flashes your mind as you thought it was jj, but instead it was his dad.

your heart was beating fast, and you didn’t know what to do. you waited to see if luke would talk but he just looked at you confused, and obviously annoyed. you shook your head quickly, “i’m so sorry, i was just going to drop these off for jj, but he’s not here so i’ll be on my way.” you smile softly, and start to walk away but his strong arms grab yours. you’re startled since his reaching for your elbow was quite unexpected.

“well you are already here. might as well get it over with.” his voice was unrecognizable as his emotions weren’t clear. you nod shyly. “no really i don’t want to inconvenience you, i can come at another time.” he shakes his head before walking to his door, opening it as the door loosely opens entirely, hitting against the wall to its side. you walk behind him being extra cautious in case he tries to grab you again.

you walk straight to the kitchen to set the bag of cookies on the counter, which was no use since right when you placed the bag, luke had scooped it into his hand reading the note. “oh, so you are the one dating my son?” your face twists in confusion. “no, no. jj and i are just friends.” you laugh awkwardly, swaying from feet to feet. the floors creak beneath you causing you to stop shaking back and forth. “okay good.” his eyes look up and down your figure as his mouth forms into a line. “i wouldn’t want him dating someone like… you.” his words hurt, but you didn’t want to break down in front of him.

you feel uncomfortable under his intense stare so you hurried to put an end to the conversation. “uhm. okay, welll thank you for letting me drop them off, i appreciate it mr. maybank.” you nod softly before he states, “no.” you turn over to him, “no?” you repeat as more of a question. your patience wears thin as you notice the cookies are still in his hand, and he is carefully undoing the ziplock that concealed the cookies.

he pulled a cookie out, before admiring it closely. “chocolate chip m&m caramel cookie. very yummy, very good choice.” you avoid eye contact, trying to focus on anything else displayed in the room. “and it’s still warm.” he stares at you as he takes a bite of the cookie, its crumbs slowly falling from where he sunk his teeth in. “it’s quite good.” you smile softly, “thank you… but-.” he cuts you off completely. “of course you, of all people, would be bringing him cookies. i’m not surprised, i can see you are trying to fatten my son.” his words stung you because this wasn’t what you were expecting. his father seemed intoxicated, and before you could leave it seemed like he still had stuff to say to you.

“yes the cookies are good, but they don’t excuse you for lying to my face. you are just like my ex wife… lying, scheming, going behind my back, but still creating delicious snacks.” you stumble back a little, as shock sets over you. “how did i lie?” you ask, quite confused as you hadn’t even talked to him that much. “i know you’re dating jj! i see his hickies i see that when he leaves this house it’s always to meet with your fat ass.” his words hold no meaning, he was just a lousy drunk taking his anger out on the closest thing to him. you stayed silent, when he suddenly shook his head before grabbing the rest of the cookies and throwing them on the floor, jumping on the bag, completely squishing them.

the once yummy cookies, now downgraded into a small pitiful pile that was brutally smeared against the kitchen's tile. your heart speeds up as his eyes are focused on yours, as if trying to read your emotions. “i’m sorry, but i’m not sure what i did to deserve you ruining my cookies?” your tone comes out sassier than intended which definitely didn’t help your case.

“pick it up.” he threw paper towels towards you, as he waited patiently for you to clean up his mess. you silently obeyed scooping your mutated bakery treat up. you got most of it cleaned, but you ran out of napkins. you bite your lip trying to think of a quick solution to finish picking it up so you could possibly leave, but it’s too late because he’s already grabbing your arm forcing you up. tears stream down your face, while you contemplate your choices.

before you could even register what had just happened, his hand had collided with your cheek, as he screams hurtful comments. “you are good for nothing. i honestly hope that jj didn’t choose you, because if he did, that would make him an embarrassment to this family.” he pushes you to the floor, and you quickly try to stand up so you can leave. you hurry to the door, but he catches you before you could get in your car and drive away. 

“you can't tell anyone about this. i swear if you tell anyone...” his tone is laced with venom and your face scrunches up in confusion. “dont act stupid! god this is why people treat you the way they do.” you look at him one last time before he sends a fast fist to your face, that hits the side of your nose, and your eye. your face begins to pulse as the blood rushes to the quick forming bruise. you couldn't think straight as everything had happened so fast. all you wanted to do was drop off cookies, but somehow you were now being punished just because you resembled this man's wife. your breath is shaky as your tears are starting to slow down, but they are still evident on your cheeks. 

jj’s dad stumbled backwards as if he had finally realized what he had done, before he eventually collapsed on the couch and fell asleep. as he landed on the couch, multiple loose pills fell from his pockets ensuring you that he wasn't mentally in the right place, and he was very obviously intoxicated.

you avoided jj at all costs, which was actually easy since he hadn't even contacted you. you were dreading his routine appearance that was bound to happen soon. you knew it was inevitable, he hasn't missed a nightly check in once, and you had been doing it for months. when you first met the pogues you were slightly scared since you were new in town and you didn't have any friends. so, jj took you under his wing. he quickly became protective over you, which is why he created this elaborate plan to sneak into your bedroom before bed every night. whether it was to just chat, talk about your day, or even just cuddle. you could always expect him at your window at around the same time every night.

usually you would confide in jj, ask for his advice. granted his advice isn't the greatest but it does help that he listens to your problems. not tonight. that wasn't the case. if anything, you wholeheartedly hoped that he would forget, or he would be too busy. he hadn't seen you since before your whole encounter with his father. you wondered if his father had told jj about what he did, and if he did, how did jj react?

you glance at the clock noticing that in the next ten minutes jj would be climbing his way into your window. your body was shaking with nerves as you glanced in the mirror. your black eye was a dead give away that something had happened. could you even tell him the truth? what if you lied, and then he called you out on it saying he already knew about it because his father told him. you contemplated every outcome of the future event that you weren't even ready when he slightly tapped your window. you quickly pulled on sunglasses that easily blocked your eye.

you smile widely, sliding your window up as he gracefully lands on your floor without making a noise, a talent he had perfected. “hey princess!” he has a huge grin on his face, his goofy smile is reason enough as to why you can't break the news to him about what his father did. “hi!” jj pulls you into a hug and you gladly take it. you wrap your arms tightly around his abdomen, as his arms are rubbing your hips. the hug ends and he slowly pulls away, his hands lingering on your hips before he grabs your hand to move to the bed. “do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?” jj asked. you waited, contemplating your choices. “either way is fine, you can choose.” you smile as he immediately gets into the little spoon position.

“hey i forgot to ask you why you are wearing those stupid glasses inside.” he laughs lightly as he reaches for them and you completely jump off the bed, scared he actually grabbed them in time. luckily, you were fast enough and the glasses were still settled on your face. “i have a horrible headache, that's all.” you nodded as his face slowly fell, he stood up, moving to sit on the edge of your bed. he glanced up at you. “we can turn the lights off so it isn't as bright in your room.” you shook your head at his compromise. “princess, i need to see your pretty face before i can declare that you are okay.” you hesitated, trying to piece together a quick story that you could tell him to explain how you wounded up with a gruesome bruise. he wasn't going to leave unless he knew you were okay.

he watched you intently, trying to see what you were hiding. “before i show you please promise me you won't freak out.” you reach for his hands and he grabs them in return, slowly nodding. “no, that's not going to count. please tell me that you won't be angry at me.” his heart swiveled up inside his chest as he heard that you thought he would be mad at you. “i promise that whatever you are about to tell me won't make me upset, and that i could never stay mad at you.” you nodded to his words. “okay so you know what you just said?” he tilted his head confused, “yeah?” you breathe in, trying to calm your nerves. “remember that.”

you hesitantly reach your arm up to expose your once hidden eyes. at first it doesn't register so he stares at you blankly. but the moment he saw it, he was already standing up, and freaking out. “hey you said you wouldn't be mad!” he ran fingers through his blonde hair, his eyes wide. “what the fuck…? i said i wouldn't be mad if YOU did something, i never said anything about not getting mad when it involves someone else!” he looks back at you and immediately investigates your eye. his jaw clenched as he looked above you, his hand gripping your chin. “who the fuck did this to you?” you stayed quiet, until he looked down at you waiting for an answer. 

silence fills the room leaving it eerily silent. “i can't tell you jj,” he laughs, shaking his head, “that's a funny joke, now tell me what happened and who the fuck hit you?” you looked away. “jj there's nothing you can do.” he followed along with your shenanigans. “and why is that?” you couldn't look at him so you looked at the floor. your silence was only making him more worried. “who was it actually? who are you protecting!?” he was getting frustrated. “fine. i'll tell you, only because i know you'll find out sooner or later.” he pulled you onto his lap, one hand holding your thigh, while the other grabbed your curvy hip. you took a deep breath before continuing. “okay. earlier today i baked you cookies and i stopped by your house so i could drop them off. but your dad was there, and i was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. it was my fault. okay?” 

he shook his head, his grip on your thigh tightening. “you're telling me that my father gave you a black eye?” his tone was shockingly low as he absorbed every word you said. “yes. and he stomped on the cookies i made you.” his chest started heaving. “i fucking hate him! everything in my life he has to ruin. you, you mean so fucking much to me, and he’s over here throwing punches at you!” you stayed quiet. “jj?” he looked down at you, trying not to get too worked up because the last thing he wanted to do was scare you, “yes princess?” you hesitated with what you were going to say. you leaned your head to rest onto his shoulder.

“i- okay, i really appreciate you, but i can't have you getting hurt because of me. you're not my boyfriend, and you don't have to protect me anymore. i know you feel obligated with that pact we made when i first moved here, but you don't have to inconvenience yourself by coming over here every night, or by fighting people who harass me, or anything. jj, i feel so bad that you are roped into this position because i never intended for this to happen.” he stays silent, “no way am i leaving you. princess, please throw that thought away right now. i’m here for you always. and i am going to continue to protect you because even if i'm not your boyfriend, that doesn't mean i don't want you safe.”

you are so stunned by his response that your breath gets caught in your throat. “what do you mean?” he smiles looking down, his hands finding themselves comfortable around your hips. “what i'm saying is, that i do want to be your boyfriend. i want people to know how much you mean to me, and i want the whole world to be jealous that i have you, and they can't have you. i want to be the one who protects you. so, if you'd want me too, i'd love to be your boyfriend, if not that is completely okay.” you stared at him, “jj, you'll never know how long i've wanted to do this.” he looks at you confused before your lips connect to his. you run your hand through his hair, while the other hand is sitting on his jaw. his hands hungrily grasp your hips as he pulls you closer to enhance the kiss. you both pull away, smiling.

you asked jj to spend the night with you. he agreed, which resulted in him laying on his back as your head lay still on his chest. one of his hands was always touching you, so he could ensure you weren't going to go anywhere. as you slowly fell asleep beside him, he started to think about what his father had done. with anger clouding his better judgement, he stealthily slipped out your grasp, and climbed out your window, set to fulfil the goal in his head.

eek i hope this was good <333. perhaps a part two...???