#i dont think ive ever talked abt this on here but im SO fucking scared of moths for some reasonf i always have been ??

[waywardsalt]

thinking abt linebeck’s coat. something very alluring about it for some reason. so im just gonna ramble about it here instead of in the tags for once

you can probably start a fight between the people who think it’s a coat and people who think it’s a jacket but i think it’s a coat moving on

the character designs are interesting to look at due to the proportions and art style so it is hard to imagine how long his coat would be but i think it would go down to a bit above ankles because i think that’s good. it’s a bit more dramatic a bit more impressive(?) that way and would probably lead to problems tbh

based on some of the official art i imagine that the stripe at the bottom might’ve been a late addition since it’s missing in the bit of official art most used to represent linebeck. tbh linebeck is inconsistent in very tiny ways in the official art but that’s mostly if you’re gonna be nit-picky or bored enough to notice

his coat is so good it’s simple but very recognizable and stands out among the other character designs in ph and its just. yknow good character design

its also surprisingly good for headcanons and stuff and because i mostly take a lot of canon as suggestion i have a good handful of headcanons tagged specifically onto his coat (one of which is the length of it ig)

i like to imagine that he made it himself. i’ve seen stuff where people write linebeck as being able to fix link’s tunic when it gets torn and i feel like the logical extreme of that is that he made his own coat. i think that adds a layer of. importance to it? it’s unique it’s solely linebeck’s it’s tied to him because he made it with his own hands and maybe it can represent something about him that way?

i like to imagine that in addition to the normal pockets one the outside he’s got a whole lot of little pockets on the inside of the coat, like so many pockets that he hides little trinkets or tools or things he steals in either to keep or to take back to his ship for whatever reason. some of the pockets have little flaps of whatever they’re called that can be secured in place with a small button to keep stuff in

he’s got like pencils and a compass and little notes and tiny figurines and cool rocks and feathers and all kinds of little things he thought was worth keeping around and due to that his coat is uncomfortable sometimes but if he knows for certain he’s going to be busy doing stuff he’ll empty out all of the pockets and only leave the important stuff so that it’s lighter and less uncomfortable. link finds his coat lying around at some point and is caught so badly off-guard by how surprisingly heavy it is with all of the bullshit he keeps in all of his pockets

i also imagine he values it a lot, maybe to the point of being really possessive and protective of it, not letting link touch it and if it gets torn or stained he shuts down and has to fix it before he can move on to anything else, and if he can’t fix it at the time it leave him kind of overwhelmed or upset until he can fix it. he has a lot stocked-up materials specifically for his coat to avoid a situation where he has to go for while with his coat damaged

backing away from headcanon territory, his coat is just a cool bit of character design and has just been lodged in my mind for a while. its cool and never brought up within the game (obviously) and i guess a last little closing thought is that in the cutscene where oshus teleports link above linebeck it kinda looks like his coat moves when he tries to catch link and i think that’s cool

[i-am-an-arson-enthusiast]

Here at i-am-an-arson-enthusiast, we i am dedicated to bringing you top quality content such as but not limited to: gay things, random thoughts, and even live arson that you don't even have to tune into!!

hi this is my intro post :D

Hiiii!!

here, have some basic info about me :3

name: anything goes pretty much but please use multiple names :] HOWEVER not neptune as that is reserved for @marcysbear , cass/cassie/cassiopeia is reserved for my boyyyfrieeenndddd <33 ( @mostautisticangel ) and dont call me enthu unless ur terri :] uh also you three dont necsessarily have to branch out more

OBLIGITORY QUEER SECTION!! i say that like i dont actively want this here. anyway! the labels i use are queer, bi, lesbian, gay, polyamorous, genderfluid, trans, gnc, non binary, genderqueer and arospec. arospec as in i am largely aromantic and use that as an umbrella term, however i am capable romantic attraction/ am flexible with such labels bc its all bullshit anyway.

i have audhd! i get hyperfixation and sometimes talk abt that if i so wish and my special interests are space and generally queer shit. also pls use tone tags i will think u hate me im too anxious for my own good sometimes

i am dogshit at spelling so. ignore the typos and misspellings!!

if u send me chain asks dont expect me to keep the chain going, ill answer it and say thanks but i wont actually do the thing

BOUNDIES!! GENUINE, ACTUAL BOUNDRIES!

-pls don’t send dono asks i don’t got money bc im a minor

-dont think if i have a take like "i dont like taylor swift" i am personally attacking you. you can like whatever the fuck u want idc everyone is entitled to their own opinoins. i just dont like her as a person

-DONT call me the reserved names if you arent that one person

-try to refrain from calling ppl (including me) baby/babe/bae around me it makes me want to die sometimes and i dont want to constantly be a romance repulsed little shit around u guys (this means dont use those names for anyone if i am in the conversation i cant control past that) (it also isnt a problem here i dont think ive ever seen it here its really just discord tbh)

-dont ask for my discord unless were friends or close in some way and dont get offended if i say no

-u can call me a faggot or dyke or tranny as long as you are the slur you are using

-if you have my discord and were moots you can call me a slut and a whore all u want idm :3 (bc i am a slut and a whore.) (really really sorry if you didnt want to read that btw /gen)

OH TAGS UH

i try to consistanly use them but sometimes i dont. sorry.

woah i’m using queue - i’m actually queuing a post for once instead of spam reblogging (which i mostly do sorry not sorry)

woah a real text post - me positing an actual text post for once but it’s becoming more common

cool ass art - art that i reblog (it’s all cool)

arson does half way decent art sometimes - my art. art i made. yea

boyfriend dearest - @mostautisticangel my hot and beautiful boyfriend :]

moots feel free to ask for tags <3

i will keep adding more as i remember them and make them so yea :D also i try to tag for things but i often dont add tw or cw because. idk. just havent ever done that. if you need me too you can tell me in any form and ill try my gaddamn hardest to add them. feel free to *kindly* remind me if i forgot. (as in no verbal abuse ya know. if ur scared ur probably fine)

~~~~

i think. thats it. if u follow me and u didnt like this post dw im gonna screen u anyway <3

thank you for reading all of that i know it’s long. your cool so here’s a cookie 🍪 also here have this

~~~~~ blinky time ~~~~~

holding up these blinkies to ward off ppl who dont like gaybians

credit to @jeweledviolets @v-4-l-0-n and @theprideful :)

[vivaladicamillo]

RYAN DUNN WITH A GOTH AND METALHEAD GN READER

heyy yalll im backkk, took a little break for a bit but IM BACK BABYYYY, ive been getting into goth culture a lot as of recent and have been changing my style to fit around it more so this is js a silly little thing to fuel my brain ☺️☺️ enjoyyy

WARNINGS: none

—————————————

GOTH

ok so really i think ryan would LOVEE a goth s/o

but it depends on the era of him

if we r talking BEGINNING of cky days i feel like he would be into it but NEVERRR let yk abt it

if we r taking 1999 ryan oh my god hed fall in love with u then and there

we all know back then he had a little thing for more hardcore women (COUGH COUGH YALL EVER SEEN GLOREN BRO, the leather jacket RYAN WE KNOW WHO U RR)

i feel like he would be curious about it

just with how intricate the style is

i feel like hed be into all the styles of goth ngl, hes js so curious on how it all works

the closet thing hes really seen of goth is bam fanboying over ville

soo not much to compare it too

i feel like he would ask so many questions

just like “where do u find clothes like that??” “how long does it take u to get ready?” js air headed questions

if u started dating him tho oh my god hes a sweetheart

anything halloween related that looks edgy in the slightest he will buy and say it reminded him of u

will help tie up corsets, clip on necklaces, and always have a spare pair of flat shoes on him just incase ur heels start to kill ur feet

obsessed with the make up, he thinks its so cool (and so hot)

oh bam is lowkey so jealous

especially if u are a fan of ville

ryan would try and color match his shirts to ur outfits

u wearing red? his shirt is gonna be red

purple? he has a purple button up somewhere

hes js so in love w u he doesnt care

will be the type of guy to run to the store last minute to get accessories for an outfit for u

also will buy u those overly expensive edgy ass heels from the store bc he know u will rock them

probably has tried on some of ur platformed shoes or heels and busted his ass

bam would probably be there dying laughing bc of it

or he would casually put on a hair piece or some necklaces and imitate you (he swears it out of love)

honestly would let u give him a gothic makeover, js dont show bam

he doesnt reallyy get whats going on but he loves it anyways bc he loves u

METALHEAD

oh he thinks ur so cool

depending on what metal genre u prefer he would listen to so many songs from it

i feel like he’d be a little intimidated at first bc mf thinks HIM and CKY is hardcore

he will buy patches for ur battle vest

love hearing u go on about the bands

WILL GO TO CONCERTS WITH U

warning tho hes gonna try and fucking stage dive into the mosh pit

hes gonna get his ass KICKED

loves ur accessories

the gauntlet cuffs, the bullet belts he thinks its so edgy and cool

hes a little scared of the corpse paint tho

hes seen bam do it but never fully going out with it

when he walks into the room and see u just with two massive black holes for eyes a white face and a frown drawn on it kinda scares him for a second

but he thinks its so cool after he realized

wants u to do it on him

literally if u do he will js be staring in the mirror of a good 20 lins is awe

will go to bar shows with u

cant fight for shit tho so if someone starts shit goodluck LMAOOO

lowkey would grow his hair out bc one of ur fav bands fav members has long hair

hes wayy more into this probably then the gothic vibe but tbh ryans such a sweetheart if he liked u, HE LOVEDDD u

—————————————-

hey yall so hope u enjoyed, ive been really into both these scenes recently and broo the goth metal style is my favvv, its hella cool. i need to start writing on here again lmk if i should do other cky/jackass members with different styles and genre loving readers!! byeeee :))

[herboretum]

big ol text abt me being aroace so🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅ow oka🍅🍅🍅🍅y i get it i know 🍅🍅🍅🍅ow I Talk so much abt being aroace🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 i prmise this is the last🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 time 🍅🍅🍅🍅DAMN okay CHILL🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅read if u wanna 🍅🍅🍅ow OW!!!!!!🍅

ough man sometimes i wish i wasnt aroacespec for the sake of my own wellbeing yanno,,,,,,

its been physically paining me (since the start of the year realistically) knowing im incapable of loving another person romantically, of being unable to feel that passion for someone the way devoted partners would for their other half

it makes (and has made) me cry knowing i wont have that connection probably ever! that i just. cant love on that level! it kills me, genuinely, just not being able to have those moments where i can lean all my trust to one person, to have moments of vulnerability with someone. to be able to have lovesick days or gaze into their eyes or be able to simply reciprocate an "i love you" that they know is more than that simple statement. it fucking kills me man it makes me sick to my stomach

i dont know why. i never chose to be like this!!!! why couldnt i just be normal man!!! theres nothing wrong with me yet theres everything that could have been better! sometimes i get so jealous of people i know who are in really loving relationships. how they can just ramble on about how they love their partner to their core, that every imperfection they see is a beauty to behold. why cant i experience that? like genuinely what the fuck happened with me??

i feel like nobody ever talks about how alienating being aroace can sometimes feel. i feel like what im experiencing should not exist. im aroace not because i chose to be, but because i simply am, and i really hate that about me. theres so many people celebrating and while i can relate sometimes, i also feel like a sack of hopeless shit too!! im like a paradox man idk its wild how actually unfathomable this situation i am in. it doesnt feel real i feel like im contradicting myself 24/7

this is what i mean when i say i live vicariously through other people and my projections onto fiction. i am just that unable to not contradict myself in real fucking life. its so stupid man i fucking hate being here

anyways i digresss:3 not really. ive just been in this weird middle state for over half a year and today just kinda felt like a snapping point for literally no reason ?!?!:; i love being aroace. i really do. but god sometimes it just hurts me knowing theres a version of me enjoying a better life than i am

and lowkey if im gonna theorize, i genuinely think my issue stems from my inability to properly socialize with other people: i am just that fucking pathetic. me being scared of interactions has led me to become avoidant of others, which in turn has probably caused me to act like this im gonna aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaago fishing

[x3aspiration]

uberhood (1-3) grunt

last part!

i used to refuse to play the grunt household as a kid because it's a bunch of guys but i love them sm now , especially tank my beloved

to start here's their traits :P

buzz: hot-headed, no sense of humor, mean spirited, supernatural skeptic, athletic

tank: athletic, hot-headed (i think im gonna change this though cause he really hasnt been), shmoozer, ambitious

ripp: artistic(his one true hobby is arts & crafts), avant-garde, friendly, rebellious

and i think buck was friendly, slob, something else lol i forgot to take a pic :(

strange trio hangout day :P except in that pool picture i literally thought he was fucking drowning i was so scared . i dont think ive ever seen sims float on their back in the pool

buck brought home bottom summerdream from school!!!

ripp snuck out and literally ophelia shows up in a limo!!!!

morning workout time , i hc that now buzz literally just gave up with the other two and is banking on tank carrying their family name

ripp wants to be friends with mortimer goth?? cant imagine why

johnny showed up completely unannounced and buzz was all salty abt it

the resolve is that they just hang out outside

after johnny left they had family pizza night!! minus tank because he in the other room

i was near in tears over how evil he looks dude its so funny

ripp skipped school & work then had johnny and ophelia over and when tank got home johnny literally just rocked his shit like out of nowhere

it was so shocking bc tank was on his way to go talk to johnny to start their enemy to lovers arc LMFAOO

he was crying about it in the bathroom while johnny was in there (johnny came in their and stopped him from being able to shower)

i loooove the grunt family im so excited for them to go to college xPPP

next part!

[mangoisms]

Im just soso obsessed with figuring out tim as a character rn i cant stop thinking abt it (ive always been a jason todd girlie but i read ur fic and that angsty twink latched onto me and refuses to let go)

I think u have a pretty good hold of him, especially bc in present comics writers are so intent on elevating tim in spite of other characters (barbara and her hacking skills for example, or any comparison made btw him and any robin, really) that most portrayals of him are so boring it makes me cry, while you on the other hand took the approach to write about his flaws (which are MANY) while still making him charming and handsome (he is so... !!!!)

To me flaws are also tied to not only the good traits of characters but also their core beliefs and ideals so what can you say abt tim?

I know he can be stupidly arrogant and patronizing at times, that he's always idolized the position and legacy of robin and constantly fights his insecurities with this role and his abilities for the job, that he can also be incredibly selfish or outright mean when it comes to being mindful of other people's feelings for the sake of logic (re when he didnt tell tam abt his dad not being actually dead), but at the same time i cant figure out exactly what he wants to do with his role as robin (or red robin) or why he would want to keep going when his main goals first were just making sure bruce wouldnt go down a dark path, im pretty sure he mentioned not being a vigilante forever but his actual goals remain unclear to me

(Im in the midst of reading his solo robin run but ive read red robin so give me a little room for this, you are definitely free to talk abt more of his comics bc i havent read everything yet and everything im saying should be taken with a grain of salt, video essays and the issues ive read can only get me so far)

He could have gained an inherent desire to help people after all his time as robin and the so fucked up shit that happened to him, maybe as a ways to channel his grief (much like dick and jason and bruce, im thinking abt identity crisis here) after he isnt "needed" as robin anymore, but at the same time that would be so tragic because he was supposed to be different to them, he was supposed to remark the importance of robin's role in helping be "batman's light" and not becoming like batman himself, its just so interesting and im still trying to really understand the extent of his character so id just. Love to get ur thoughts and musings on what fuels tim as a character and how you see him

(I dont have this problem with jason bc his moral conflict is very crystal clear to me and also so freaking juicy, his actions are logical and so understable, granted he also hasnt had as much screentime as tim and i can see when writers just Dont Get Him, misunderstanding the original intent of his character coming back etc etc etc, tim has grown and evolved throughout his tim as robin so this might factor in too)

Anyways sorry for the long post i hope this is alright !!! Loved ur fic to bits and ur writing is a blessing mwah

okay HI i am not exaggerating when i say that i have been thinking about this ask since you sent it HAHA tim is just a parasite in my brain he won't let go...

that's the funny thing about portrayals of him today... i feel like people want to elevate him as a potential batman or a character closest to bruce in terms of intelligence and detective skills, which isn't true at all, i think (because, exactly, you have babs Right There), and of course, narratively, this is all a good thing (this post covers it well, i think). it's in the same vein of people making tim out as the most dangerous person in the batfam, should he ever chose to go down the path, which i can partially blame red robin (2009) for with this panel....

(and i don't think that's true either. he has the potential to be dangerous just like any of the others but i think the ones to really be scared of are babs, dick, and cass but ANYWAY)

in general, red robin 2009 was a bumpy time for tim with bruce's death and his spiraling, but it seemed to really inform what they were going to do with his character. no more time for the civilian life, committing himself much more thoroughly to The Mission like bruce. which is, if you ask me, a negative progression of his character, which isn't bad, exactly, in terms of storytelling, but it feels like all we get are the 'good parts' now -- the intelligence, the status, the resources, and then we don't get to grapple with the consequences.

there were some in red robin 2009 but it was more tim accepting them and making no move to change his actions, which is fine, but now... idk. but i also don't touch modern comics with a ten foot pole so this could just be. Wrong. but that seems like what's going on. so i feel like that's where people get the idea of him being... idk not the Perfect Robin exactly but. you know?

no no yeah i totally agree!

re (because i want to break this down i'm telling you i have Been Thinking About This): at the same time i cant figure out exactly what he wants to do with his role as robin (or red robin) or why he would want to keep going when his main goals first were just making sure bruce wouldnt go down a dark path, im pretty sure he mentioned not being a vigilante forever but his actual goals remain unclear to me

exactly this. he did say that and i've reblogged this at some point i think, showing a panel from robin 1993 where he mentioned he wouldn't be a vigilante forever, then paralleled with that panel i put in earlier from red robin 2009. (there's this post, which touches on another thing about tim trying to set himself apart as having friends and thus not being bruce LOL which is another topic entirely)

i think that was what red robin 2009 was - a negative progression of his character, one that, again, we never really grapple with, especially as dc shoves robin back onto him now.

his motivations are an interesting thing to me, because he did start out coincidentally, saying batman needed a robin but he didn't assume he'd be that robin, it just kind of happened because he was there (well much more went into it but you know?).

but aside from that, i've never gotten the impression tim really does it for people. i mean batman in general has been about the detective work but i think towards the 80s/90s/00s there was a shift to focusing on the people but tim has never really struck me as a hero of the people. he's more about fighting crime than he is about helping people. i think it is partially informed by the genre - re detective comics, etc - but still. he's not like, say, peter parker/spider-man, who is a hero of the people, of the working class. the people are inherent to him as spider-man. tim does it out of duty and responsibility i think, being the light to batman's dark, of course, but he's also very much a teenage boy about being robin - the cool factor, pointedly mentioning he wants to let off steam by knocking around 'criminals' that kind of thing

which doesn't mean he's unfit for it but he operates in an odd grey area as far as his motivation goes, which i think is where we get red robin? he was defined by being robin and he did his job, then he got the boot. so it is very much an identity crisis but we're seeing that negative change as he changes for the worse, for something darker. i mean, yes, red robin 2009 was again bumpy because he was at a very low point in his life but in general, that run was dark for him.

editorial wise, we'd never get to see what they made of it because they did the reboot and started new-52 a few years after. but whether he'd continue being red robin/going down this path, or if he'd shed the identity and go for something lighter... it's hard to say.

i kind of like the thought that he'd change his identity and try to take a lighter approach, try to pull himself from bruce's influence, though with how it's all set it up, it seems fated that he'd end up there. there was red robin 2009, but then there was his sixteenth birthday incident (which sounds bad here and i'd read this before reading it myself but god when i read it it pissed me off so bad... really what turned me off bruce as a 'good' father figure, i can't lie). he ultimately ends up going back and becoming robin and this is the turning point for him where he agrees to enter this mindset that bruce wants him to be in. (this post talks mainly about timsteph but it is also a point to the end about the shift in his character and how that affected his relationships as well)

i mean i know red robin 2009 is marked by the grief of bruce's 'death' and a bunch of other Very Bad Shit but even when we got past that and he had his little 'Let me let in the people who love me because i am Not batman' he then proceeded to go a little surveillance crazy and make a hit list (something like that, it's been a while..) but. yeah.

ultimately, at the core of his character, i think he is good and compassionate and kind, so, even aside from all that (like the birthday incident), i think he would've made his way there eventually. it could maybe be why we see him returning to robin, if we wanted to try and pretend dc making him be robin is a completely normal and logical decision that they actually thought through. like a way to return to the bases and feel it out from there. though i still think they could've just. idk. given him a BREAK from vigilantism to figure it out. i'm a big proponent of civilians and their place amongst vigilantes and superheroes and i feel like tim's due a break, which is why i put that stuff in my fics. i do want to see him step back and try to figure out his life, because at one point, though robin 1993 was arguably defined by the balance between robin and tim drake and had plenty of civilian friends to keep things interesting, we don't see much as far as what he wants to do. which i suppose could be part of his relatability factor that tim drake, the character, was conceived with

but idk at this point they have to give us something 😭 anyway. this got VERY long i am very sorry.. i don't mind long asks either but i might've overshot my response... alas. i also hope i more or less answered your question??? if not feel free to slide back in here and talk to me! i rambled a bit here and it's like. 3am rn i'm scheduling this to post because i wanted to get it all written Now and. yeah.

thank you SO much very happy to hear you're enjoying everything <333 hope you continue to enjoy :**

[loversgothic]

Is there a particular reason you stopped making Fortnite art?

ohhhh boy. theres a few? in part its because it stopped being fulfilling and i lost interest and inspiration. its also because i cant play the game anymore because it cant run on my laptop with the new updates.

but a big one is that people are... really mean. really, really mean. people in the fortnite community overall are SOOOO NEGATIVE esp to artists. i make primarily romantic art and pinup art, and people can be incredibly unkind. ive been called slurs (both homophobic and racial), ive seen my friends get bullied for posting art in a similar vein, fuck that shit was a NIGHTMARE. fortnite possibly has the worst fandom ive ever seen, and ive been in SO MANY of them! i made mostly Jonesdation art, and while there were people who liked it, there was a lot of people who also didnt. there was some kind of weird.. looming feeling that i was afraid of posting my indulgent work (of course i always posted it anyway! im no pussy) but i dont like having that feeling loom over me. its also bc some of my friends kind of thought it was Funny when i did Foundation art since they didnt care much abt fortnite lore and thought my serious art i put all my time into was funny because of who acted Foundation. and i want my ideas to be taken seriously enough if i present them in a serious fashion.

its also because The Seven got slipped out of the story as time passed, and i really just couldnt get into the Oathbound or current groups. and even then, content with The Seven and Foundation in particular really felt like punch after punch regarding a character i became attached to (to nearly a delusional extent) with peoples perception of him becoming shittier because of a fucking comic that sucked ass. after a while it feels like people forgot abt him :( fortnite seriously moves WAYYY too fast and theres too many characters to get attached to, once your fave falls out of relevancy in story you are probably not gonna hear about them again? the only seven members i ever see ANYONE talk abt anymore is origin and that is bc im friends with the number one origin fans SBHJAHBANJA i love them i hope they have fun forever <3

something else that i think is that, i fell out of the fortnite fandom because it feels like its not a great place to explore ideas for me. when it comes to writing, i want to explore relationships, symbols, backstories, and the character i liked (Foundation) did NOT have that many people willing to explore those ideas and it made me scared to share them. Fortnite also doesnt really have a lot of... depth. it COULD have depth, sure, but you have to grasp at straws and make up half of it. it just.. wasnt fulfilling enough, i need something i can Dig into.

ill always love the Fortnite characters, and ill always love The Seven. ill always love Fiore (my foundation oc i made before he got unmasked officially) and FUCK ill always love all of the villains and Jones. but right now i need to explore something else fulfilling

here are some other small reasons:

my art has been stolen for tiktok thirst traps multiple times

i dont have a problem with being in a community with a lot of teenagers (i am a teenager. an adult one but ykno) but DAMN its a relief to be able to talk like an adult to OTHER ADULTS now that im out of there

ive also had to hide my nsfw art twitter for a variety of reasons that are complex. (one of them being that Im not trying to get bullied more)

it felt like i was fucked bc i couldnt produce relevant art fast enough to keep up with the game

[lovemars]

hm. time to psychoanalyze myself i think. cw traumadumping cw long ass post cw oversharing 😭

the srs cws are talk of sex and stuff but in a sad way not a horny way, sa, men on the internet being gross, bad coping mechanisms, etc

like. idk. i was thinking abt this last night and now im thinking abt it more and like. i feel like. the way i appear in headspace and stuff is just. completely based after. OH MY GOD SOFT BOY CAME OUT? um. sorry it just came on shuffle. ANYWAY. 😭. i feel like how i appear and everything is just based off of like our brain trying to be attractive to- well men mostly. other genders nd stuff but mostly men Specifically cis men. and like. literally none of us actively want to have cis (esp cishet) men attracted to us ❤️. but its like, i know Why like i know its cuz one of my roles is a sexual alter and our brain made us appear the way we do in headspace as part of it trying to keep us safe etcetc WHATEVER i dont care 🫶. like. i literally even- like for instance when we were dating our ex i remember trying to like. be attractive to her and make her like me/us even tho like. i was uncomfortable as fuck and like. i did the same with redacted from irl and just didnt set boundaries at all- no thats not true we definitely did set boundaries. i was just bad at enforcing them- i guess cuz i was like. idk completely lost in this mindset of like, not being able to say no and not feeling safe and feeling like it was my only purpose inguess?

and then like- i also feel like. imean i dont really get the love languages thing but if i had to pick one it would definitsly be words of affirmation and like- i feel like. okay 😭. im not a good person by. whoever the fuck uhh. pat the bunny i think? plays in the background. like for years and by for years i mean ever since 4 days after i turned 18. my thing had been like. posting on reddit . in various subreddits that like, Well the men in them are not very nice to me or to women . and like. i feel like that ties back to the words of affirmation thing cuz i was like intentionally seeking out people who would hurt me (<- which also ties into being a persecutor). and i dont do it anymore because months in the getalong shirt with nik made me feel bad abt it 😭 and then i started to realize that i like when people are nice to me actually. and then i was like Huh maybe tjats not super healthy for me probably. (it is not). well and thats the reason im banned (by nik) from reddit and sex with cis people forever.

but like. 😭 SORRY THIS IS SO LONG. writing a damn novel here. ANYWAYYYY. the whole posting images on reddit dot com -> talk to creepy men on reddit dot com -> intense self hatred and shame -> nik fronts and freaks out and deletes everything -> i feel bad -> i do it again next time i feel like making myself feel terrible on purpose for fun Spiral. like. ive spent all this time gojng down that spiral and now its like. bro i jusr want someone to be nice to me. like i spent ages convincing myself that actually i didnt care abt the shit those men were sayinh & that i liked it and now im like. i literally dont. like. i dont wabt someone ive never spoken to who didnt even say hi or ask what im ok with to say like. waves hand. stuff im not repeating just make up something genuinely disgusting and a bit terrifying and ive probably heard it. and now i dont even KNOW like. what i want i guess. idek my sexuality cuz ive never bothered to think abt what i want cuz i was too focused on what people i dont like/am scared of/etc to think abt how i felt. which in retrospect. bad and scared and. etc.

anyway. idk its just dawned on me the other night how much of who i am is wrapped up in how much i want everyone to like me all thw time and also how much i dont like myself. and like im working on it. and if working on it means thinking about drm from minecraft youtube ******* ** ** ***** so be it i guess 😭. idk man if nik can read dr*amnotnap fic and call it coping i can thirstpost abt drm in my head. idk.

ig im just. now that im able to be more normal and rational and stuff im able to see like. damn i was really bad at dealing with my emotions and tried to do that in ways that were not healthy for me or anyone else. and now all my sense of. who i am is wrapped up in that i guess. which sucks. and im working on it . SLOWLY! but im working on it

tldr: damn this guy should probably talk to a therapist abt all this shouldnt he. well thats okay at least hes hot

[garpond]

me word vomiting under cut

dude im just like. really scared and sad and i dont know what i want i wish i could stop feeling like bad stuff is lurking and that i deserve it because i shouldn't be allowed to be happy. for the crime of like. existing and not being perfect. when i think abt my life i just feel this really deep really strong misery like i don't know what to do with any of this ive had to find ways to cope with it for so long knowing that its 100% up to me to keep myself together because if i come unglued there's nothing in my irl material life to catch me and help me and there never has been. like not only do i have to figure out all of this stuff myself i have to figure out how to make sure nobody sees it's happening to begin with. and im just...sick of it, i want to cry, i just don't want to be alone anymore i want somebody who's here in front of me and part of my immediate material world to know and care and help me but that just isnt possible... i had whats probably the last of those free counseling visits today and i could tell they were really hurrying me along and since i couldnt go any deeper than surface level social struggles without getting referred to real therapy i just had to be ok with that but its just got me feeling like. they don't have time for me and don't really care and that was my only shot to get any sort of help that i wouldnt have to pay for and its just over for me now. it didn't do anything to begin with because i couldnt be honest. i dont know now im rambling sorry ive just been utterly fucking miserable the last three days i cant find joy in Anything without being terrified something's going to ruin it and i wish i could talk about this without making anyone online who cares about me feel like nothing they do for me matters or helps. it does, it's just that like...theyre behind a screen and so am i and when im not talking to them its just empty here. nobody knows me and nobody Has known me for a long time and the world just feels like a place im intruding in. and ive been trying anything to help myself stop feeling and just keep moving and going forward and im getting so desperate im afraid of what i'm going to try next or where this all could lead and its just like. i dont know man. im really scared i feel like every kind of 'control' ive tried to exert over myself was a fluke and that i have no control over my thoughts and actions at all and i'm just going to keep hurting myself over and over and over in various ways until i can't take it anymore because apparently i really really dont like myself. it feels like its too late for anything other than a huge downward spiral i genuinely cannot imagine ever being happy again and its killing me

[cornballes]

big rant abt my smr dr experience??? i think??? tw; sh

tbh tho at the time i was doing that shit i WAS um.. pretty (does that twirly finger thing around my head????) at the time of making those baitposts. I dont mind ppl finding my idenity now because ik thats just another annoying fuck i dont have to talk to.. ever! i just dont send it HERE cause.. well.. thats too easy <3 I thought that ppl were gonna harass me to no end, and tbh i DID get some.. really.. fucked up anons from just being annoying back then and ig i thought itd go to my fr account too. (racism, death threats, ableism, and MORE! this starter pack rocks!) Idk why people were so obsessed with finding my fucking dragon porn game identity though. like okay ???? #69837 aint my address dumbass... I joined this fr drama server because anons kept telling my (paranoid + rude ass) to go and shit it up cause "ppl were talking shit abt me" and i was like oh my god its time to catch HANDS!!!! i still hv an archive of the super duper dm-fight but.. the owner said "whatever goes in server stays there" so well. i calmly deleted the sses </3

idk why they were upset I uh. showed off their tag when they were fucking EXCITED to tell evryone mine, though...like i went "OH OH sorry, ill add it" and this dude was fucking shaking his hands jumping for joy to fucking do it for me. calm down butthead!!!!!!

i think a huge root of my rudeness and.. assholish attitude was my paranoia...and larp-craziness. i was scared for my damn life.. when i typed that shit up i was genuinely shaking n talking to myself for hours afterward Im still upset that people decided to take my thoughts of watning to send ppl my scars etc to face value, but tbh its fr. fr ppl are stupid. I was genuinely in a fucked up place and i was using making myself a "cringe, annoying troll punching bag" as coping mech.. when it was ACTUALLY making things worse.. and well. dr+smr people realllly didnt help. literally egging me on to continue to hurt myself and stuff in my inbox... people calling me a fucking evil person who sends people things ive never sent to anyone ever and never actually would.

people used me venting fucking AGAINST me and painted me as a villain when all i wanted was.. to make people laugh. but it turned into ppl laughing at ME, and not the jokepost.. people took my stop posting abt amongus copypasta so serious, got mad abt me wanting a stinky fujo coomer dragon npc.. list goes on.. i took pleasure in making ppl mad at me, but it also hurt a fuckton

i mean.. now i can laugh abt how much of a dumb bitch i was. nothing i posted since then has ever been that successful. or cringe. or annoying... lol.. some people has asked me to post again but.. idk. i just wanna be normal now. int with the people who havent blocked me yet.. ik thye hate me but i hope that one day they restalk my blog and decide to be neutral towards me again..

until then um..

dear anti anti exalters: YOU PISS ME THE FUCK OFF. oh yeah.. YOU KNOW WHO I AMMM, KAGURAA!

bye :)

[lycanstonebutch]

for the questions!! 16, 17, 58, 68!!

HIHIHI CATBOY NICE TO SEE U AROUND THESE PARTS OF THE FOREST.

15. Do you have any of your own nudes on your phone right now? Yes i do,,, I have both some of mine and some of Sapphe's since we share a phone. AHAH ( I realized you asked me 16 17 but i already answered... so free bonus answer )

16. Do you have anyone else’s nudes on your phone right now? I feel like i try to avoid saving ppl's nudes bcuz it makes me feel creepy, i think ive never saved anyones nudes for any horny reasons ive only ever saved nudes art art references or to reference an OC? And i try to delete them afterwards AHAH

17. Do you have anyone from Tumblr’s nudes on your phone right now? FOR THE SAME REASONS AS ABOVE YES AND NO... I think i get way too scared of being creepy and if im ever like.... rlly rlly gay abt a picture i'll just go back to the post my mutual made and look at it again,,, but tbh i rarely interact with pictures overall bcuz even if im encouraged or told its fine im always more scared of being creepy. IDK!!! I mean smtimes im worried about interacting with ur pics cuz im like. Hope he doesn't think im being WEIRD and EVIL and FUCEKD up rn. 58. Do you have any recurring fantasies you keep coming back to? Do you think they’ll ever happen? Oh like a lot, I think one of my favourite is really like.... flustering someone until they get really dizzy and buzzy in the head and they're like so horny they start getting all 🥺 Another one is. Breeding..... the idea of bending someone over particularly grabbing their hips and fucking into them and feeling the way they feel around me, the way they feel around my knot, and seeing how good they feel once I cum inside them bcuz they want me to.. Hot. And a third one would be consensually intoxicating someone as a planned lil thing, but specifically in the context of petplay. I like the idea of using it as treats until they get so high and buzzy they're all confused and needy and I can just guide them further into the scene. I'd wanna know what their usual limit is though beforehand, lots of talking would have to go into it but theres just smth so hot abt both knowing you're getting the other completely blissed and high out their mind and soon they'll be a buzzy dumb needy lil thing behaving like its in heat bcuz all they can think about are the thoughts I'm putting into their head and that is 'You're a poor thing in heat and im here to help' SORRY FOR THE LONG ANSWER... 68. Admit something sexual that you’ve never told anyone else before. Mmmmm Im pretty open about my fantasies or sexual stuff so i can't think of anything i haven't told at least ONE person before.... maybe mmm, im kinda into sheathplay? Like. There is smth hot abt the sheath part of having a werewolf cock. I also just think overall the gender euphoria of fur is amazing and there's this one scene in beastars, the scene where Haru misunderstands the context and starts undressing Legoshi- okay she puts her hand on his stomach and softly compliments his fur and says she wants to see if its the same color below. That scene killed me, like in many ways ITS SO EMBARASSING TO ADMIT. BUT LIKE IT GAVE ME?? SM GENDER ENVY?? THAT I ALMOST STARTED CRYING?? BUT ALSO THEN I GOT SO HORNY IMAGINING SOMEONE SAYING AND DOING THAT TO ME. OKAY THERE. I DONT THINK IVE TOLD ANYONE THAT BEFORE>

[heulheul]

Im actually INFURIATED (i always am)(but now even more) my „friends“ who are „gay and aromantic“ ALL HAVE STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIPS?? It would be ok if they werent so prideful and use their queerness as their whole fucking personality trait. HOW THE FUCKING DARE YOU TELL ME YOURE QUEER WHEN ALL YOU DATE ARE MEN AND ONLY LIKE FICTIONAL WOMEN FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. How fucking dare you tell me „im such a loner uwu potato and i dont do all that gross dating stuff bleghh ew“ THEN PROCEED TO DATE??? How dare you make me feel safe and comfortable around you when youre not even NEAR worthy of my trust FUCK ALL OF YOU. My „lesbian 😐“ friend has a male crush and makes it her entire life like SHUT THE FUCK UP OK SHUT UP YOURE SO ANNOYING I HOPE YOUR VAGINA LIGHTS ON FIRE. My 2 „aromantic 🫤“ friends are dating EACHOTHER and they think noone knows but its sooo obvious and i think the only reason theyre sneaking around is bc they flexed constantly how dating is not for them and only hopeless lonely loners do it, but guess whos doing it now you stupid stupid FUCKS. My other friend is ig the most true to her word. Shes actually into women but omfg she tries so hard to „hide“ her crush or whatever but its so obvious it makes me cringe and repulse on how she acts like a >_< potato when mentioned about her admiree. Like… we all know calm tf down. My other friends is also kinda true to her word. Shes „aromantic“ or somewhere in the umbrella but she has rizz and pulls. But thats bot her fault ok, what i have a problem with it id that she tried so hard to seem emo edgy mysterious harem senpai but tbh shes so annoying. I find it annoying how she acts like a baby and ive grown with her since were young so i thought shes outgrow it but now that were grown girl CUT THAT SHIT OUT shes a tall child like go take off ur diaper and stop sucking on ur moms tit AND THEN lets be friends. Gosh its so annoying bc shes so self centered. She wont be in a convo if it isnt about her or talking shit abt someone. Like kys u absorb drama like a parasitic sponge fuck off little shit, im so close to stop playing friend with her and just beat her the fuck up and leave her to bleed out or sth but im calm im calm ok. And i cant just cut these people off, i mean emotionally ill be ok but ill see them everyday at campus blablabla U get it. Im so fucking ashamed my life has gotten to the point im tolerating being friends with immature baby queerbaiters. Sad thing is ive grown fond of these people and have bad attachment issues and im just so sick of cutting people off me randomly and never wanna do it again but i swear theyre so ☠️ also do i just ATTRACT fake queer people?? My ex friend was … questionable. Pretty sure she had bpd and those people were just her fav persons but idk. Maybe its internalized homophobia thats why i have sm self hatred but the fact that i thought i had people that can relate to me and share the same feelings but NO you fuckers were never gay/lgbt and never feel the things and think the thoughts i do. NEVER. And ig thats my big problem abt it. Im ok with people experimenting and exploring their sexualities (aldo none of my business) but in this case, they had no reason to call themselves queer in the first place (ex. Never having feelings for opposite gender, etc.) so ifk where they got that but ok? The 2nd thing is they r HIDING the fact theyre not actually lgbt and keep queerpersonifying just to yk… talk about being queer. BUT THE FUCKING THING IS I HAVE DO MUCH HATE WITH WHO I AM AS A FUCKING DYKE AND YOURE JUST HERE SAYING „being part of the ögbt is so hard uwu huhu 😿😿“ WHEN YOU DONT THINK THE THIBGS I DO. YOU DONT EXPERIENCE THE THINGS I DO. Did you ever think of harming yourself since noone around you said that the things you like are ok, therefore making you feel like a shitty freak? Did you ever get so scared of your own feelings to the point you lie in bed like a paralyzed vegetable just crying inside and outside? Do you ever wish you were just created normal so you dont think about shit you have to? Fuck you quuerbaiters

[one-way-dream]

o|-< man

[sseulhello]

its currently 6:40am here and i just finished editing the mobile ver of the blog :3 im sleepy.. gonna continue everything later (also !! Got a new user lol :p)

[winking]

[scaredstupid]

i just went to rhe bathroom abd there was a fuckin g. giant ass moth in there HELP ME