#i dont think ive felt this kind of calm in forever

[fox-mulder-gets-pegged]

Oh fuck benzodiazepines my beloved.....

[lokiified]

rant piece

i made the wrong fucking choice i actually cant believe it, i was so focused on proving my parents wrong that i convinced myself it would never work with you and now im regretting so badly. i focused on the attention he was giving me but really he never did anything for me like you did, we went on three damn dates in a day, you flew across the country to come see me, you let me pick any book at coles as an early birthday present, you tried to give me everything but i wanted my parents to be wrong so badly that i ignored it for him and he was new and cute and he seemed to like me and you literally told me you didnt have feelings for me why did you do that i probably wouldve chosen you if i knew you felt the same way.

i found the pin i got at the museum with you. i found the pictures i took of you in the weird red room with all the lizards in it. ive been thinking about the used book store a lot lately. i was talking to a friend who i thought i had feelings for and we started talking about book stores and i was struck with an inconsolable sadness at the memories of being there with you for hours, trying to find the right books.

i found the videos and pictures from the mock prom, how well you got along with my friends and how you looked in your suit, how excited you were for that night

i remember how angry your mother was when i chose him over you and i thought she was crazy at the time but she was right, i made the stupidest decision of my life when i picked him.

you came to a baseball game with my family and you dont even like baseball for fucks sake, an hour ride 3 hour game and hour ride back who would do that if they didnt have fucking feelings for someone.

i had to spend an hour and a half sitting in a hotel hallway trying to calm down his anxiety about my relationship with you while you tried to give me everything and lied to my face that you had a girlfriend just to try and protect my feelings.

why did you have to go and say you didn't have any feelings for me when i told you that day.

and now youre in your 20s and you have a girlfriend and youre probably gonna get married and im gonna regret it for what feels like forever.

i made the wrong choice and i dont know what to do

i cant tell my parents and i cant tell you because youre probably gonna marry her and you talked to me about her like shes the best person in the whole world so yeah im definitely not, you live on the other side of the country so ill probably never see you again so yeah i blew it.

you made a playlist for me of all kinds of songs you liked and 80% of them were love songs and i thought it was nothing when EVERYTHING you were doing and saying pointed to having some kinds of feelings for me but i dumped it all for him because i was scared of my parents saying they told me so.

and i certainly cant tell him because what the hell is he gonna say, im sorry you decided to waste a year on me while your real love was off making a life for himself?

i dont even know if i love you i just know that i missed out on something good just because i was scared

i convinced myself you were too much like david, that you werent even cute, excuses upon excuses when really i was just scared and i felt like he was the safer choice because there would be so much less people disappointed if it went south

for gods sake he wouldnt even dance with me at prom and now all i can think about is dancing with you at that mock prom that i thought was so stupid, i ruined all my mom's planning and probably shattered all your hopes for the night, i wish id worn my prom dress and let it happen because obviously it was supposed to

[bugsuc]

I want to forget about you, please its the only thing keeping me going and I just want it to end. I want to forget you entirely. I wish I could drink a potion or some drink and have no recollection of your smile. Of your laugh. Its felt like forever but its only been a year. I feel like ive aged 10 years. I wish i could have been with you this year. I wish I could be with you every year. But youll never know how much I missed you. Youll never know the pain I brought to myself. Self inflicting felt better then doing nothing. I cant stand doing anything. I have to do something. You probably forgot about me already.. I wish I could as well. Its been so long in such a short time. I hope your the same person I loved. I never told you I loved you. It feels selfish and ill times to say that but I wish i did. At least once I wish I could tell you my feelings. I never got to, because I pushed you away. And because I did, you did as well. And that perhaps is my greatest tragedy and mistake with you. How can I say all this to you. How can I not break down if i were to ever cross paths again. I dont know if I would be confident to say all this. Maybe if I forgot everything between us I wouldnt have to be tortured by this anymore. But then you would still remember. The curse of memory is unrelinqueshing and indomitable. I hope I wouldnt stutter and choke my words. Just for you to leave as if you were a deer in the headlights. You always looked so gentle to me. So calming. I needed that so why did I reject you? Why did you reject me? You said its the fourth time Ive dropped you. I dont care. I still want it to go on. On and on. It will most lkely never happen again but fuvk I wish It could, I just want you to be happy. So if im out of your life then perhaps you can find happiness. I just wish it could be with me as selfish as I am. I think what I need most from you is some kind of closure, not the kind where you suddenly kill me but where you make a proper execution of me and decapitate me so I know what's done is done. So then I can finally relinquish your grip and forget you…

[yesimwriting]

hiii, this might seem weird but do u have any head cannons for when the reader is pregnant and how the Darkling would react?

a/n love this concept,, it's not weird at all!! i feel like there's so much here!! also i leave for college this month and im lowkey starting to freak out so ive been watching star wars movies for comfort 😭and now i have half a mind to write for them, especially the prequels (cough, cough,, anakin) 😭 😭 that should tell you where i am mentally

anyways lets get into the headcanons:))

--

- okay so like most of my headcanons, this is probably going to be all over the place bc i feel like so many different things could change how he would react. Like if the darkling x reader have been trying to get pregnant, or an unplanned pregnancy with someone he really likes, i also think whether or not the reader is a grisha affects his reaction too

- in general though, i think he'd lowkey have a breeding kink he'd def find something about the thought of you having his child really attractive bc for one thing, he wouldn't have to worry about being left alone and now he has an excuse to be a real 'protector'.

- also if youve read my other headcanons i am 100000% convinced that he has this thing where if he really likes someone he needs them to need him (let's all remember the whole 'i will strip you of everything you know and love speech until I'm your only shelter' speech he gave to Alina)

- also i kinda want to write a fic or blurb series or something that's just the darkling being super toxic in super thoughtful ways LMAO if that makes sense, like he's being super sweet but it's to make sure the reader is dependent on him

- and he def wants to be the protector to give himself some sense of assurance bc he's so desperate to not be alone anymore and bc the reader is the only person he has/loves, he wants to feel in control and like he's the less attached one

- okay,, let's get back to the pregnancy thing, anyways, your pregnancy is most definitely activating all of those senses and this was meant to be a sub plot but it kind of became it's own thing lol

- so lets get to the actual pregnancy reaction

if you two have been trying to get pregnant:

- when you tell him, he kind of like, pauses bc it's not every day that he gets surprised so it takes him a moment to register that he's experiencing shock lol, so he tenses and goes islent

- and then after he realizes that he's surprised and that it's bc of a good thing, he manages to relax

- meanwhile you're kind of freaking out bc he got so quiet?? you start to wonder if he's regretting ever wanting a child with you? and you're like two seconds away from a downspiral and then he...

- he touches your cheek and looks at you in a way you've never seen him look at anyone,, not even you

- the look is so warm and strong and full of fierce admiration that you feel foolish for ever thinking he didn't want this. And then he says something about how you're carrying his child and how he didn't realize he could adore you more and then he kisses you and it's all :)) warm:)

- he doesn't want anyone to know that he's expecting a child as long as possible bc of how many enemies he has and how he has to worry about you enough when people just know that you're his 'lover' (a title you never really liked, but one he tells you is necessary to make sure no one realizes the extent of his attachment)

- if you really want to tell your mother or someone of that relation, he won't be mad about it, but he just needs to know

- Genya is the only exception bc the darkling basically instructs her to look out for you,, but when you tell her she's like oh?? you guys just found out?

- miss girl most definitely noticed like a day and a half ago after you cried bc she couldn't find you ice cream the other night 😭and she just assumed you knew but weren't ready to tell anyone

- okay so this what i think is his most problematic expecting father trait would be. So i just ranted about how important secrecy would be to him but he's also the most overprotective person in the entire world,, like he was bad before but once he knows your with child?? yeah, if a man asks you about the weather, he's done for

- he's next to you in a second, ordering either you or the man to do some asinine task

- if you get mad about this (rightfully so) or even just point out how nothing is wrong and you having a casual conversation with a man who isn't even looking at you sexually won't hurt you or the baby, he'll lose rationality

- it depends on how much you push, but it'd be super easy to make him super possessive bc like i said, being bonded by a child has made him so much more intense (and he was pretty intense before)

- and if you push too much he'll lowkey forget about how cautious he's trying to be with you and pin you against the nearest wall and say something along the lines of 'are you already forgetting you're mine? that i own you, body and soul--is my child growing in you not enough of a reminder? because i'll give you another one if you need it.' (AH--i want to write a whole fic based on this line)

- also if the reader is grisha, especially if she's a sun summoner/special grisha like him, he def talks about the power that they've created and how proud he already is and how he can't wait to train together and be the most powerful family in the world

- not everything is perfectly happy though, bc now he feels more pressure to complete his plan and establish the world he wants his child to be born into

- so sometimes when he's working extra hard or is extra aggressive for no reason, you have to work at calming him down and reminding him that the best thing he can do for his child is be there for them (and the child's mother,, lol)

- sometimes he'll respond by actually listening to you and trying to make up for his absence or his aggression by being extra soft until you finally forgive him

- you never last that long, it's hard to be mad at him when he's coddling you and whispering such sweet things about he's so happy to have you and your future child

- overall, his first reaction is to swell with emotion, which he isn't used to, and so he becomes super protective but also extra lovey and you know that his overreactions are just him trying to show that he cares about you and your future child more than anything

If the pregnancy was unplanned:

- the initial reaction is pretty similar, only his state of shock lasts longer

- like i said at the beginning, he's not used to being surprised and an accidental pregnancy is so much more surprising than a planned pregnancy

- this really sucks for you bc he's not exactly known for his patience so you just kinda sit there and genuinely wonder if you're going to be a single mom or if you're going to want to deletus the fetus or something

- but then he takes a step towards you and you see how he's looking at you and you just know that that fierceness has to mean something good

- and at this point you're scared and nervous and feel so alone so tears are pricking at your eyes,, so he wipes his thumb across your cheek to wipe away tears you won't let spill

- he then whispers something really sweet about how you two are now together forever, as you should be

- it's really relieving bc you felt so alone and uncertain and he's such a smooth speaker that by the end of the night, you feel like this is a good thing

- if youre still hesitant/weighing your options, he's not above trying to (gently) manipulate you into thinking that what he wants may be the only way

- by that,, i don't mean outright tricking you bc he means everything he says, but he def is pushing the keeping the baby agenda,, especially if you're a grisha,, and even more so if you're a grisha with similar power levels to him

- he won't get angry at first bc he's not so out of touch that he's unaware of how shocking a pregnancy is to a woman who wasn't planning one,, but his patience is limited and if you fight it too much he will get mad and yell

- but unless you really don't want to have a child, it won't get to that bc he makes the idea of having a baby with him sound so perfect?? like you genuinely don't understand how he did that

- he chases away all of your worries and assures you that youre not alone and that even though it isn't planned he wouldn't rather anyone else carry his child

- the initial conversation would probably end in you two sleeping together again bc he finds the fact that you're carrying his child so attractive and bc being aware of the pregnancy makes him more possessive

- it's also a good way to fight any of your doubts

- speaking of being possessive though,, i feel like he could be a little more possessive/protective of a reader who didn't plan on getting pregnant bc your relationship has been less established

- no one sees you as anything to him and he doesn't want to start rumors now bc it's important to him that his enemies don't find out about you or his future child so he doesn't want that to change

- but he almost forgets about all of those reasons each time he sees a man get a little too close,, especially if that guy is flirty

- it takes all of his will power to not just go 'she's mine and if i wasn't worried about the stress that witnessing something violent would cause our unborn child, you'd be dead already, but if you're not gone by the time i turn around, i'll forget about caution'

- lots of close calls ngl!! at one point youre like 'if it bothers you so much, maybe you should tell someone??' and he's like 'no,, maybe,, shut up' and then you raise one eyebrow and he just closes his mouth and is like 'i mean,, i'll kiss you to shut you up, haha--dont be mad'

- youre the one that's pregnant but sometimes you think he might be the one experiencing the mood swings i swear 😭

- so your little theory gets tested,, he's not the type to gossip with his besties and be like 'guess who's officially my girlfriend, i knocked her up but it's not like it sounds--'

- so he's like ig you can tell genya

- once again genya is like ?? yall thought you were keeping that secret? couldn't be me

- but having it a little out in the open helps ease him just enough that youre actually capable of consoling him when he becomes jealous

- still though,, he's quick to go into possessive/pregnancy kink sex

- youre most def not mad about it,, unless pregnancy has you particularly sore

- he's normally pretty understanding about that and def doesn't mind pulling his weight in the bedroom when he needs

- honestly he'd be really good at being a source of calmness at the beginning, but as time goes on he becomes more and more worried about finishing his plans bc he didn't expect to have a child right now

- so he'd be more adamant about working/becoming more tense and would be more difficult to console if it was an accidental pregnancy

- when you call him out on it--or on anything while your pregnant--it's frustrating for you both bc the number one thing everyone knows is stress is bad for baby, so he's trying to keep you calm without backing down

- these argument always end with one of you clinging to the other,, and then the more angrier of the two just like shuts up, rolls their eyes, and lets go of the argument...at least for now

- the main difference between an accidental and intentional pregnancy would probably be how you perceive him,, bc an intentional pregnancy means youve talked about things but since you havent talked about anything your shocked about how soft he becomes ??

[wizkiddx]

without making this a sap story ive had some not so great news from home and am in one of them moods to not talk abt it. but i need a tom h to hug me , pls could u write something like that?

hey anon - i am sending u all my love, and hope things get a little easier for u as soon as possible. if u ever do wanna chat abt nothing or rant just send me a pm x  I hope this is at least somewhat what u were looking for <33

summary: life is sometimes not good, but your fave boy makes it just a little easier to deal with (with some original help from his brother too)

a bit angsty but i promise mainly fluff (and a popcorn fight?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What drew you out of the sort-of-trance was a two soft but firm knocks at the door - well Tom’s bedroom door. You’d been relaxing with him and Harry, watching the new ‘Line of Duty’ when your mum had called for the daily catch up. Admittedly, she had already tried to call you twice today but somehow you’d managed to miss both of them. On reflection, possible not that shocking because you’d been at a charity golf day with the boys which involved a fair amount of noise, chat and competition. 

Thankfully the boys had both done pretty well, Tom coming slightly ahead but that was the norm between the two. It meant they were both happily basking in their relative victories and not moody and grumpy like they are oh so often when things go wrong. Because to them, against your pleading, begging and sometimes lecturing…. golf was not just a game.  

You and your mum had always been very close, so usually speaking to her was uplifting and made you feel a little bit more complete - what with travelling with Tom for work, her voice was a slice of home. This time though, it was not so much the case. It was just sad news about your home town. Nothing directly to your family or close friends but still, it makes you feel generally down. 

Who knows how long it’d been since you’d hung up on the phone, just staring at the wall opposite. Everything felt just hollow and empty, lacking in meaning somewhat. You weren’t necessarily thinking, more like devoid of emotion, of thoughts, of anything. Just a bit cold. 

“Y/n…Y/n?” His voice sounded hesitant, as though scared he was interrupting your call. When you didn’t respond, the door cracked open and his fluffy head poked in, not that you noticed - your brain was still half absent. Tom on the other hand, was instantly looking you up and down, very much confused as the why you looked so rigid and not present. Noticing the phone was lying quiet on the bed in front of you, he felt safe to enter. He made a beeline for the bed, perching himself down on the edge, in-front of you - so he was blocking your fascinating view of the grey wall opposite. 

“What’s going on in that little head of yours?” His voice was soft and gravely, choosing not to put much energy into his vocal box as he rubbed up and down one of your arms. 

“Hmmm? Sorry, was miles away.”

“Could tell darl.” As he chuckled his eyes crinkled round the outside. “How was your mum?”

“Yeh…um okay, I-I guess.” As much as you wanted to shake yourself out of it, it just wasn’t that easy. Everything was laced with this underlying chilliness. 

“You sure? You dont really sound it?” 

“No, I um…well I’m not sure. I think I’m okay?”

“What happened?” You shook your head in response, making Tom press his lips together with a small nod. “ Don’t wanna talk about it huh?” 

“Not… not right now. Please?” 

With a permitting nod, Tom stood up and squeezed your hand, urging you to follow. Trailing behind him into the living room, he then instructed you to take a seat on the sofa adjacent to Harry, Tom himself disappearing back into the house. It made you pout a little, you wanted him to just look after you a little this evening but that self pity wasn’t allowed to last long - because a piece of popcorn flew into your cheek. You whipped your head around, with mouth open feigning shock, to see Harry smirking at you cradling a bowl full of other possible missiles in hand. 

“And what was that for?” He shrugged his shoulders, turning his head back to the TV.

“You looked sad.”

“…” Your mouth was open, no words coming out though, as you looked at the frizzy haired boy in bemusement. Sometimes you thought you understood how his head worked but at other points, the boy was a bloody mystery. Instead of explaining his thought process (because there almost certainly wasn’t one), he just smiled evily at you - wiggling his brows. And I know you know what that meant.

Sure enough by the time Tom reentered the room, arms full with different objects he’d collected round the house, the floor had been littered with popcorn kernels. You and Harry were squealing at each other as handfuls of the snack were catapulted vaguely at each other as you chased him round the room. It took Tom shouting at the both of you for you to freeze, slowly lowering your hands in ceasefire with a giggle. 

“I leave you alone for two minutes.”

“ It was his fault!” You protested, causing a 5 minute of ‘ he said-she said’ between the two of you, even if Tom wasn’t listening to the bickering. Instead, he quickly whizzed round the room picking up all the obvious popcorn bits and then spread out all the blankets he’d got from round the rented house on the sofa.

 You knew Harry, in his very own and special way, was only doing all this to cheer you up and you couldn’t appreciate it more. Your relationship with him had recently got so much closer, thanks to Tom being busy on set actually filming - while you and Harry just had some quality ‘almost sibling’ times. And now living with him too - naturally he had grown to know your tells almost as well as Tom. 

“Alright children calm down… thought we could watch movie?” Plopping himself down on the cream seat, Tom made grabby hands to you which of course you had to comply with. 

“I’ll um… I’m gonna leave you to- well to the being in love shit. It’ll make me chunder”

“We love you too bro” Tom called to Harry, who was already on his way out - but the tone of gratefulness in his voice was evident, he appreciated Harry noticing that the two of you could do with time together. 

“Don’t make it weird!” Harry’s response had you sniggering, as you pulled the fluffiest blanket over both you and Tom and nestling into his side. 

After a few minutes of Tom pretending to argue with you about film choice, before ultimately agreeing with your choice of ‘La la land’ as he always planned on letting you. The Holland boys were both very talented at subtly being a shoulder if needed, and yes you knew it was all an act - but you weren’t about to call him out. About halfway through he kissed the crown of your head and murmured. “Can tell you’re not watching darling.” He wasn’t wrong to be fair. Yes, you were looking at the screen - but your mind was far away from the plot line. 

“Sorry I um… minds like a runaway train sometimes.” Tom released a breathy chuckle at that before murmuring a ‘come ‘ere’ to you as he all but lifted you up from sitting by his side. You ended up lying almost onto of him, with both of Tom’s strong arms holding you tightly to him. Smiling into his chest, you nestled closer so the soundtrack to the movie played over the top of his constant thudding heartbeat. It took a few moments of you both just staring into the screen, completely contented for Tom to speak, squeezing you slightly tighter whilst the two of you watched Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone twirling on the road.

“I gotchu now lovie” 

And you swore then that all the thoughts racing in your mind were outpaced by those of a different kind. Still intense ideas, ones that buzzed round your brain, but these were happy. Thoughts of ‘how could I be so lucky’ and ‘I love this man with my whole heart’. 

Apparently these thoughts were also a comfort because when Tom looked down at you after what must’ve been at least half an hour, you were spark out. Breathing deep and unchanging, eye locked shut and mouth slightly squashed against his chest so your lips were pressed together. But what made the boy physical pout was the way you relaxed hand was loosely balled round a fistful of his purple hoodie. As if you were clutching at him to keep him as close to you as possible. 

He felt so grateful - not only for you, but also for the fact that he had the ability to make it a little better. You didn’t need him - Tom swore you were one of the most fiercely independent people he’d ever met - yet it was clear you wanted him. You wanted him when you felt down, the same way you wanted to be around him when you were overly hyper and chatting pure rubbish. You didn’t want him because he was the ‘Tom Holland’ you wanted him because he was Tom. 

He couldn’t fix what was going on back at your home (I mean right now, he still didnt even know what was going on). But he did know how to make everything just a little less shit. He knew how to be your person. 

And that would forever be job Tom was most proud of.

once again sending u all lots of love (esp u anon 💕)

would love to know what u guys think if ya made it this far ;)

tagging (link to join) : @hallecarey1 @hollandfanficlove

[daydreamingintheimpalax]

Unexpected

Prompt: “what happened to your clothes?”  “I think i’m falling in love with you.” “I think ive always known, deep down, i think i’ve always loved you.” 

Dean x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, somewhat detailed sex scene, iunno not much really. 

A/N: Sorry it’s so long, i had this idea and thought it’d be a fun read. Enjoy :)

Dean sat on your bed, mindlessly watching and waiting as you hid in your closet, dress after dress, skirt after skirt flying out, one almost hitting him in the face. He caught it mid air before tossing it down next to him. 

“I don’t know why you’re getting so worked up, its just a few drinks at the bar, Max already knows you, you dont need to impress him, he already likes you.” Dean spoke, watching as you popped out from your closet, three different shirts in your hands.

Dean was your best friend, you had met him and Sam as a child, your fathers had been hunting partners for a few years, always leaving you and the boys at bobby’s to cause trouble for the old man. You could still hear bobby’s voice sometimes, demanding Dean stop influencing you with his schemes. 

His buddy Max had run into him at the bar last week while you guys had stopped in during a hunt and they had caught up for hours, you had connected with Max off the bat, and when he’d asked you out, you were skeptical, see deep down you always knew Dean was your guy, your never ending crush on him had turned into deeper feelings years ago, you tried to deny it for years, and definitely never told him, but when Dean had convinced you to give it a shot, go out on ONE date with a guy he knew and liked, you gave in, never being able to say no to him, i mean, to be fair you hadn’t been with a man in over 2 years and you could use a night out, maybe even some quality time in bed with a good looking guy, plus, Dean trusted him, and that was enough.

“Dean, i haven’t been out with a guy in 2 years, i’m not going out with a guy looking like a swamp monster, first dates are everything, and looking your best can make or break the date.” You huffed, holding out a shirt to him for an opinion, he shook his head, grimacing. 

“First, you never look like a swamp monster, you’re stunning no matter what, you hardly have to work at that, secondly, that’s an old ratty tshirt you stole from me, really?” He pointed at it, now realizing he was right, why the hell you were even suggesting this. It was time to pull out the big guns. You sighed, hiding back into your closet, you had to have something date worthy. 

Dean had popped away, grabbing himself a beer, giving himself a break from outfit advice. You were his best friend and he wanted nothing more than to see you happy, even if it meant trusting Max to take you out on a date. It was one date, it’s not like he was stealing you away forever. He had always had a soft spot for you, you were his first kiss as a kid and he’d looked out for you ever since, and even though he trusted Max, seeing you get all worked up over a guy that wasn’t him still didn’t settle well with him, but he shoved his feelings down and tried to be as supportive as he could. 

He walked back into your room, realizing you were finally working on your makeup, you were slightly bent over your bathroom sink, reaching closer to the mirror as you did your eyeliner, truth be told, he loved when you did that black wing thing, it enhanced your big E/C eyes and drove him nuts everytime. He looked you over, realizing what you finally had chosen to put on, a shorter than he’d like black leather mini skirt, a matching leather shirt thing that looked similar to a bra more than anything. He cleared his throat. 

“What happened to your clothes?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at you.

You finish your eyeliner before walking past him, fetching lipstick out of your little makeup bag before making your way back to your bathroom, “What do you mean? Theyre fine.” You spoke, applying your lipstick as he piped up.

“I mean like, where’s the rest of it?” he sassed and you rolled your eyes as you walked back into the room. “It’s not that bad is it? It’s literally all i can find that isn’t covered in holes, old blood or stained monster guts.” You looked down at yourself, smoothing out your skirt. Dean cleared his throat as he eyed you properly, trying hard to calm his way out of a boner. 

“Uh, no, no i’m just teasing, you look incredible.” He smiled, nodding, you shoot him a innocent smile, “Better, Winchester. Much better, right answer.” You shoot him a small wink and he chuckles. He had come a long way on talking to women because of her, she helped him realize as a teenager and a young man that he didn’t need to be vulgar or gross to pick up women and he’d learned a long time ago thanks to her that chivarly was key.

He watched as she put on her coat, Max waiting by the door to take her out, she gave him a little wave as she told him not to wait up, she’d be fine. 

“Be safe, have fun.” He smiled as she walked out the door, his internal groan coming out of his mouth and he kicked himself for being too scared to ever make a move himself. He’d liked her since they were teenagers, but he was too stubborn to do anything, his fathers voice telling him hunter relationships never worked. 

       ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The night had been a blast so far, you and Max were having a great time chatting, dancing and enjoying each others company at the bar, he was sweet, nice and had a good view on life and hunting. He told you entertaning stories, some even involved moments he and Dean shared as young teenagers hunting together, being boys and trying to get girls, Max pranking Dean. They had a good friendship and you were happy Dean had someone besides you and Sam he could pal around with. 

You had moved to his truck a while ago, the mix of alcohol and pure need affecting you both as you made out like teenagers, the windows began steaming up, it was an unusually warm evening in lebanon and you were thankful you wore this outfit or would have soaked right through it from the heat. 

His hand moved freely on your thigh and you straddled him, his back against the backseat of his pick up with you on his lap, dry humping him like some silly teenage girl who hadn’t had sex yet, you made the first move, desperate to feel a mans touch, it had been so long. 

You yank your top off, nothing but some nipple covers to cover your exposed breasts, Max lets out a soft moan, “Beautiful,” he mumbles while he kisses softly around your skin, he slowly peels off the covers off you and his mouth lands on your nipple and you let out a louder Moan than you want to but it doesn’t seem to bother him. 

Before you know it, your both down to nothing but your underwear, you reach down and pull down his boxers, reaching a hand in and grabbing him and placing him at your entrance, you’re already so turned on you don’t need foreplay tonight, not when you’re this sexually frustrated. 

You sink down on him slowly, and you both moan out, yours comes out as more of a shout, and you begin to move, slowly at first before changing into a soft but faster bounce, he’s making sounds, you know that for fact but you’re so distracted by the feeling of pure pleasure you haven’t felt in so long you aren’t even fully aware of what’s happening, you let out a shout, and before you know what’s happening, it all suddenly just stops.

You come back to reality and notice Max has pushed you off, he’s pulling his pants back on and avoiding your eye. Oh for fuck sakes, you haven’t even came close to your release and Dean set you up with a 2 minute one pump chump. You were going to kick his ass. 

“What’s wrong? are you done already?” you ask, his looks at you, letting out an exasperated huff before licking his lips and shaking his head. “I’m sorry Y/n, i don’t think this is going to work out, besides, you shouldn’t really sleep with a guy if you’re not going to rememember his name.” He scolds, glaring at you before he shoves his shirt on and climbs out the back, you put your skirt and shirt back on, deciding to skip the panties all together.

“Hey! I do remember your name, it’s Max, i’m not stupid!” You yell at him, angry now that he would even suggest that. Max turns to you, glaring, “Oh yeah, then next time maybe you should try screaming my name out and not Dean’s, jesus christ y/n, if you want him that bad just go fuck him, i doubt he’ll say no!” He shouts and you stand frozen. 

“What? Dean?, i didn’t...I don’t-” you stutter, he cuts you off. “It’s kind of obvious y/n, you screamed his name for a reason, you obviously have lingering feelings for him, and im not going to be your pitty fuck.” He sighs, he ushers you into the passenger seat, offering to drive you home in what is the most uncomfortabe, quiet, embrassing drive home ever. 

You slam the bunker door closed, worst date ever. You make your way past Dean and Sam in the library as you try your hardest to avoid them, especially Dean, you were embarassed enough, you didn’t need to face him right now, and you sure as hell hoped Max kept his mouth shut about it too.

“Y/N? That you? “ You hear Dean call out but you avoid answering, flying past them to your room before slamming the door shut. 

Dean’s eyebrows furrow.

“I guess the date didn’t go well then.” Sam speaks out, looking over at Dean. He shrugs, before getting up and walking towards your room

He knocks on the door softly, “Y/n, you okay? did Max do something cause if he did i’ll beat the living crap outta him.” He calls out, he can hear your sniffle, he sighs, before softly opening your door. You’re cuddled up in bed, watching your favorite episode of golden girls as you cry softly. He sighs and heads over, sitting on your bed. 

“Bad date?” He asks and you shrug, “Something like that.” He gives you a soft smile. “Want to talk about it?” He asks and you shake your head. “No, i just wanna forget it.” You speak, he notices you never meet his eye. He nods and agrees to leave it alone, he joins you quietly, watching tv with you but giving you your space. When you finally fall asleep, he goes to bed himself, but not before shooting Max a text. 

“Whatever the fuck you did man, she’s upset, and if i find out you hurt her, i’ll kill you.” 

                                                      ---------

It’s two weeks later when things finally come out, you haven’t spoken to Max since that night of your date. The bar is busier than usual, a few more college kids then there usually is but it is spring break, most of them are probably home for the much needed time away from school work. 

Dean is at the pool tables, hussling some airhead jock out of pool money. You watch and laugh when he heads over to you, cash in hand. 

“Ha ha, stupid brainless jocks. Always so much fun seeing how much of daddy’s money i can get out of them.” He chuckles, setting the money back in his pocket. You roll your eyes but smile. Why did you put up with this dork. 

Before you know it, someone is calling out for Dean. “Yo, Dean!” You both turn to spot Max, waving Dean over for a game. You swallow, nervous that the details of your date will come out, you still weren’t fully over it, and you dreaded Dean ever finding out, he’d never let you live it down and he really didn’t need a bigger ego. Luckily Max hadn’t noticed you yet. 

Dean motions he’ll play one round and be right back and you try to give him a smile, dreading this inside. Just don’t ask him about the date, you interally tell him, even though he’s long gone and can’t hear it. 

You sip your drink, asking for another one and you try to keep your cool at those two being in the same room all of a sudden. 

                                                      -----------

One game had turned into 4 and before you knew it, the two guys had captured a crowd, some betting on Max and some on Dean. It was becoming a friendly competition between the two boys. 

“Aw come on Max, don’t be a sore loser, i’m sure you can come back from that.” Dean teases, watching as Max lines up his next shot. 

“Easy for you to say Winchester, tell me, do you ever get sick of being a pompous prick?” Max winks at him and Dean smiles, “Eh, Sometimes, but then i remember how fun it is to watch you lose and its all worth it.” Dean chuckles, Max suddenly isn’t in a joking mood and he shoots, it goes in, he gets a few more and Dean’s actually surprised. 

“Not bad, man. You’re getting better.” Dean smirks, “Still no match for me though, i always win.” Dean leans in, takes a shot and gets his last three balls in, He lines up with the 8 ball, looks up at Max, and smirks, then his eyes find you, sitting behind Max a few tables down and he shoots you a wink, before sinking in his ball. Game over. 

Max turns around, realizing who Dean winked at, he turns back around, slamming his pool stick down. “Good game, I’m done, guess you won Dean, you got the money, and the one girl i’ve liked in a really long time, guess you always do win, huh?” He spits out, a bitter tinge to his voice. He scoffs and walks away.

Dean’s suddenly confused, what the hell was he talking about. He looks over at you, you’re watching the television over the bar, no clue what had just happened, he follows Max outside catching him before he reaches his truck.

“Hey! I didn’t get anything, if this is about y/n, you screwed that up on your own, okay? I had nothing to do with that!” Dean shouts. Max laughs and turns to face him. “Oh bullshit Dee, you have everything to do with it!” He sneers, “I really liked her man, she was cool, but like always, Dean Winchester always gets the girl!” He scoffs, making Dean frown, confused. 

“Y/n isn’t mine! she’s my friend, whatever you did to piss her off on your date was your problem, she didn’t tell me what you did but if you wanted her that bad, you had the chance to fix it!”

“REALLY DEE? Tell me, how the fuck would you fix the girl you like screaming your best friends name in bed when shes with you? Huh? How the fuck do i fix her thinkng about you while she’s fucking me?” He swallows, “Man, forget it, you wouldn’t understand, god forbid that ever happened to you.” He spits, before he’s in his truck, driving away. Dean’s still standing there, more confused than ever.

He finally makes it back inside, his eyes roaming around for you. He finds you in the same spot, the female bar tender chatting with you and making you laugh. Your eyes find him, beckoning him over and he moves.

He finally reaches you and you smile, “I got you another beer. How did the game go? You disappeared.” You ask, and he stares at you, he finally pipes up, and your heart sinks. Oh no. Please no.

“Max seemed very upset when he saw you, what happened on your date again? Why didn’t you ever go out with him again?” He asks, you take a sip of your beer and shrug. “I dunno, he wasn’t my type, just didn’t work out.” You bite your lip, hoping to god he lets this go, you don’t need to relive that embarassing moment. 

He nods, taking a drink of his own beer, “Okay, so he just wasn’t your type, that’s all? It had nothing to do with you screaming my name in the middle of sex?” He calmly points out and you nearly choke on your beer, spitting beer across the bar table, everyone close by stares at you, you turn red, apologizing and grabbing napkins to clean up your mess. 

You turn and face Dean, “He fucking told you!” Dean raises an eyebrow, “In a not so nice way, so it’s true? You really did?” He smirks and you bury your face in your hands, “Oh god...” You call out and when you look back up Dean’s cheesy grin is staring back at you, “Actually, apparently it’s Oh Dean.”

You throw a nice solid punch into his shoulder before you run out of the bar, “Y/n...y/n wait!” Dean calls out but you’re already half way across the bar and out the door. He throws down some cash and chases after you, catching you half way down the road.

“Y/n...” He calls out, “Just leave me alone Dean, i knew you would use this against me, i knew it. You’re a jerk.” You wipe away a tear, he finally reaches you and grabs your arm, turning you to face him. 

“Hey, i didn’t mean to upset you, i’m sorry, i just, i was surprised, that’s all.” He sighs, “Why didn’t you just tell me? I thought Max was the one who hurt you or something.” He speaks softly and you sniffle. 

“it’s embarassing, i didn’t even know i did it, i was so into it and then he just stopped, for a second i thought he’d already, you know, i was disappointed then we got into an argument about it and he took me home.” You shrugged. 

Dean nodded, he was quiet for a while, and then he spoke, revealing something that made even you question if you were drunk.

“I uh, i guess i wasn’t expecting to hear that, and i guess i got a little excited cause iunno i just, i think i’m falling in love with you, and when Max told me i just uh, i guess i was hopeful that maybe it meant you felt the same.” He swallows before going quiet, watching your reaction carefully. 

You nodded, frowning as you realised you weren’t dreaming, Dean loved you, Dean Winchester loved you.

“I think i’ve always known, Deep down, i think i’ve always loved you.” You shrug, “Every since we shared our first kiss, i think part of me has loved you ever since.” You smile, finally meeting Dean’s eyes, the grin on his face tells you all you need to know, this man is crazy about you, always has been.

“oh yeah?” He smiles, reaching out to grab you, you chuckle, leaning up and placing a slow, deep kiss on his lips.

“Yeah, what can i say, you’re just my type.” You smirk and Dean laughs. 

“Well then, why don’t we get back home and i’ll give you a real reason to scream my name.” He smirks, leaning down quite a bit to place wet warm kisses along your exposed neck. 

“You’re never going to let me live that down are you?” You roll your eyes, he meets them and a sexy grin appears on his face. 

“Not a chance.” 

[brelione]

The Surfer And The Siren

Chapter One:The Story,The Legend,The Bullshit.

@kelsiejayy designed this mood board.Lets just take a moment to appreciate how pretty it is :)

Chapter Two

It was a hot,humid day.The lack of clouds only made it worse and JJ was sure he would end up with a sunburn.Sunscreen had never really been in his top priorities and today he was beginning to regret it.The sun was high in the sky,the water unnaturally calm out in the marsh.As the boat came to a stop Kiara had let her hair out of its messy knot.She knew from experience that if she went swimming with her hair in its bun that it would get all snaggly and gross when she took it out.John B set his cold beer down,throwing his board over the side of the boat before making two awkward finger guns with his hands before jumping off the side.Kiara pulled off her light weight t shirt before jumping in as well,making a large splash in the cool blue water.JJ tossed his board before jumping in as well,coming back up to shake the hair away from his forehead.The heat against his tan skin wasnt as intense anymore and he felt comfortable enough to lay on his stomach on top of his surfboard,head down with cool water splashing onto his face every couple of moments.

Pope had done the same and John.B had decided too as well.Kiara was floating on her back,enjoying the contrast between the cool water against her back and the hot sunlight on her face and chest.It was a relaxing and calm experience until Pope spoke up. “Guys-hey,guys.There’s someone watching us.”He whispered,turning to face them and sounding a bit scared.Kiara rolled her eyes,not bothering to look at him. “Im serious,look,there’s someone right there.”He whispered,turning on his side once again so his back was facing them.John.B sat up on his board,helping Kiara to sit on it and balance out the weight,pretending to conversate so that if someone really was watching they wouldnt be suspicious.They glanced over to where Pope was looking,seeing a head bobbing in the water only fifteen or so feet away. “JJ-look.”Kiara whispered to JJ.He hadnt bothered looking up,figuring Pope was just seeing a rock or perhaps a seal.He groaned quietly,looking up so his chin was on his folded fingers.He squinted,lifting up his hand to block the sun.

 “Hello!”John.B shouted,causing Kiara to look over at him with wide eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me?”She whispered,smacking his arm.A few seconds later the silhouette raised an arm out of the water and sent an awkward wave towards the group.They waved back,confused as to where this person had come from. “Uh-are you alone out here?”John.B shouted,noticing that there were no boats or boards in the distance. “Um...Yeah,yeah,Im just out for a swim!”The figure shouted back.It was feminine and smooth with a strange accent that JJ couldnt quite put his finger on.He bit down hard on his lip,so hard that he thought blood might start to trickle.His eyebrows furrowed,squinting and trying to see her better.Her head disappeared under the water,not showing up anywhere. “What’s wrong with you guys?”Kie asked upon noticing their facial expressions.Pope’s eyes were noticeably wide as he stared down at his board,JJ’s jaw stayed dropped as he stared out to where the girl had previously been,John.B’s face was a light red as he stared down into the blue water. 

“Huh?”John.B asked,looking up at her.Kiara glazed at the two boys who had luckily snapped out of their strange trance. “That was weird,dude.”JJ laughed off his nervousness.He brought himself back to the boat,lifting himself up the ladder and pulling his board up. “Shouldnt we go and check if shes okay?”Pope asked.Kiara nodded in agreement.The three of them got onto the HMS Pogue quickly before moving slowly through the water and keeping an eye out for the girl.No floating bodies,luckily.But no sign of her at all either.When they got back to the Chateau the sun was setting and the air was becoming cooler than it was that afternoon.Pope and JJ had decided to change into normal clothes,hanging up their wet bathing suits and changing into whatever was dry and would fit properly. “We’re gonna head up to the corner store,you guys want anything?”JJ asked them. “Get some chips.”John.B told them,not looking up from his rubix cube.Pope sighed. “What kind of chips?Doritos?Lays?”He asked.John.B shrugged. 

“Ooh get skinny pop.”He requested.The two boys began their walk up the cracked cement street.The corner store had been there for so long.It was old and worn down with cracked paint but had pretty much every snack and drink that someone could want.A nice old man owned the store,he wasnt the grumpy kind of old man though.He was friendly and appeared younger than he was.The bell jingled as JJ swung open the door.Old Richard seemed on edge,staring at the door like he was waiting for Obama to walk through.The boys went straight to the chip isle as they hunted for Skinny Pop.JJ had picked out a bag of cool ranch doritos when the bell chimed. “Hi,Rich!”You spoke excitedly almost like a nine year old about to go to Disney World.JJ’s jaw clenched,fingers clenching the doritos bag while his heart beated loudly in his chest.

The voice had the same effect on Pope,eyebrows furrowed while his mind emptied of everything besides your voice.You didnt know that,though.You hadnt seen Richard since last week when he had come to visit you at your cave.He was your oldest friend.Literally.The man was almost eighty and you had been friends with him since...well pretty much forever. “Hello,Darling!Ive got two last customers for the night and then we can get going.”He informed you,a smile coming across his dark face.The sound of the mature and croaky voice broke the boys from their trance,JJ’s head immediately whopping towards the door.His knees went weak as his eyes fell on you.He had never seen someone who looked quite like you.Your hair was long,curly and blue.You were around 15 or 16,a charming grin plastered on your face.You wore tight white ripped jeans and a large balck band t shirt that was clinging to your body due to the material being wet.JJ felt nervous as he and Pope walked up to the counter.

Girls didnt usually make him feel this way.He knew pretty much every single teenage girl on the island and he knew that they all had a thing for him.He was incredibly handsome and talented and funny so he could understand. “That all for today,boys?”Richard asked as he scanned the barcodes on the items.Pope and Richard made small talk but JJ couldnt be bothered to pay attention.His eyes were darting between you and the floor boards.The parts of your eyes that shouldve been white were tinted green or perhaps it was the lighting.You werent wearing makeup or any fancy jewlery yet your blue hair was well kept almost as if you got it professionally washed,dyed and cut every week.He cleared his throat,grinning a bit. “Um...is this your granddaughter?”He asked Richard.The old man chuckled,his face wrinkling as he smiled. “Something like that.”He answered,putting the chips and candy bars into a paper bag.

A small smirk came across your face as it clicked in your mind that these had been the same boys you had seen while you were swimming in the marsh. “Uh...Are you-are you from figure eight?”He asked.You shook your head,twisting the small copper ring on your pinkie finger.Pope looked over to you,blushing and looking away.You were slightly nervous too.It had been a while since you had been around human men that werent Richard.You tried not to giggle at how easily effected they were. “So youre visiting from the main land or some place?”The blonde boy asked as he played with his bracelets. “No,no,im from around here.”You laughed quietly although the sound still bounced off the walls.He gulped,the breath catching in his throat as he heard the whimsical giggle before nodding. “Um,well,im JJ and this is Pope.”He blushed a bright red.He was nearly the same shade of red as his hat. “Cool,im (Y/N).”You introduced yourself.Your voice echoed through his ears,his pupils dilating as he looked down at you.

Pope took the bag and nudged JJ’s shoulder.They both waved to you as they walked out.Once the door was closed behind them Pope let out a loud laugh. “What was that about?”He asked his friend.JJ shrugged,flustered by the encounter.The sky was a dark blue now,sprinkled with stars.The moon was full and a cream yellow color. “Did you get a weird feeling?When you heard her voice,I mean.Like a weird stomach ache or something?”JJ asked.Pope bit the inside of his cheek,the paper bag swaying at his side. “I mean,yeah,but maybe you’re just really high or something.”He tried to make it make sense.JJ shook his head. “Im gonna go back in there.”He turned around. “You can do that but im not waiting for you!”Pope shouted to him.JJ rolled his eyes,standing right outside the door and taking in a large and nervous breath.He opened the door,the familiar jingle of the bells filling his ears.

You looked up at him from the other side of the store after hearing the sound.You were filling a paper bag with pop tarts,jolly ranchers and swedish fish.Pretty much anything that tasted good and gave you small bursts of energy.Richard was behind the counter,a variety of folded shirts and shorts being stuffed into a drawstring bag.He glanced over at you before looking back at JJ. “We’re closed for the night,JJ.”He reminded the blonde.JJ nodded. “Yeah,I know,sorry.I think i dropped my lighter here so im just gonna look for it.”He lied. “Be quick.”Richard told the young boy.JJ went to the chip isle,pretending to look. “Do you need help finding it?’You asked,now standing at the end of the isle.His breaths went shallow,ears ringing as he looked into your eyes. “Why dont you just come back and look for it tomorrow?”Richard suggested.JJ bit his lip,the ringing stopping. “Um...Oka.Ill just come back tomorrow.”He turned to leave the isle but was stopped by the sound of your voice. “Is this it?”You asked,the silver zippo lighter in your palm.

He nodded,fingers brughsing against yours as he took it from your hand.A shiver ran down his spine,a loud sound between a scream and a laugh filled his ears and mind while his vision became nothing but bright white.He couldnt feel anything around him or even his feet on the floor.It was like the feeling of jumping into water on a really hot day with music blasting from a shitty five dollar speaker.It was pleasant but also scary.When your hand fell away the feeling left with it,leaving him to just stare down at you with shock.You just grinned,knowing exactly what had happened before making your way to the back of the store to grab an energy drink.His fingers tightened around the lighter.He walked out of the store again,feeling a mix of surprise and relief when he saw Pope leaning against a tree and eating pringles.

He jogged over to the tree. “So how’d it go?”Pope wiggled his eyebrows.JJ grinned. “Uh,well...I definitely saw her.”He rubbed the back of his neck.Pope laughed in his face before they began their walk back to John.B’s. “so you have a crush on a girl you just met,that you know nothing about and that youve barely spoken to?”Pope asked as he crunched another chip between his teeth. “Well,when you put it like that it sounds stupid.”He frowned,taking the tube of chips away.Pope chuckled. “If you still remember her name next week you should ask her to hang out with us.”He suggested.JJ nodded.When they got back to the house JJ laid down in the hammock,staring up at the sky like an idiot. “So JJ met a girl today.”Pope told the group as he took a sip of pepsi.Kiara rolled her eyes. “Please do not tell me that you hooked up with a girl behind the store.”She groaned.JJ shook his head. “No,I didnt.This was different.”He rolled onto his side so he was facing the others.John.B laughed,taking a swig of gas station beer. “So whats this girls name?”He asked.JJ let out a long,breathy sigh. 

“(Y/N)...god,she is so pretty.”He whispered,almost dreamily.Kiara rolled her eyes,eating a piece of popcorn. “Theres more to girls than that,JJ.”She reminded him.He nodded. “I know,I know.She has such a nice voice and she had blue hair and she just seems so...I dont even know.”He thought out loud.Kiara snorted. “Youve got a crush.”She teased.John.Bs eyebrows furrowed,his smile turning into a confused frown. “Blue hair?Like that old legend?”He asked.Kiara grumbled something under her breath. “Please do not tell me that you still believe in that bull shit.”She tossed a sour patch kid into her mouth. “Wait,what?”JJ asked.John.B sat up straight. “You cannot be serious.”His voice went flat.JJ shrugged,lighting a blunt.Kiara threw a sour patch at Pope before eating one. “Rafe Cameron will not shut up about it.”She huffed. “What are you guys talking about?”JJ asked,becoming annoyed. “Its all bull.”Pope shook his head.

 “No,no im telling you she had to be the one that saved me when I wiped out!And that time we were on the boat and a whole ass bag of swedish fish went missing off the boat!Or today when that random girl was in the marsh?Think about it!It had to have been her!”John.B exclaimed.JJ blew out a stream of white smoke. “I still dont know what youre talking about.”He released more smoke from his lungs and out his nostrils. “Okay-so for the last hundred years a girl with blue hair has rescued like a shit ton of people and saved a ton of beached dolphins and went to the Stone Wall riots and obviously no one around here has blue hair so whenever someone with blue hair shows up its like ‘wow its her’ but like,what if its actually her?”He finished his rant. “Alright,but like,this might be a bit dramatic….but maybe she just dyed her hair.”Pope tied a gummy worm into a know. “Hair dye is fucking expensive,no pogue could afford it.What kind of fancy kook would have blue hair?”John.B defended his argument.Kiara frowned. “Youre serious right now?”She asked.He nodded.

 “And what did Rafe Cameron say?”He asked.Kiara sighed,leaning back in her chair. “He was saying how he saw her and Sarah fighting seagulls and they went away by her singing to them and then he blacked out or something dumb like that.Now he set up a camera by the beach because he’s convinced she’ll show up again.”Kiara explained,closing her eyes as she spoke.JJ smirked. “So lets steal the camera and find out.”He suggested.Kiara shook her head. “Thats a terrible plan.He probably has the live video going to his phone anyways.”She yawned.

@milamaybank @drewswannabegirl @teamnick​  @unmotivatedwritings​ @danicarosaline​

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[xsugarysweetsx]

Could I request an Akaashi x reader? Where they have their wedding, and Akaashi is starting to have doubts like "I dont deserve her" blah blah. And so Bokuto gives him a pep talk like "Dude, Ive never seen two people more perfect for each other than you." And everything goes great. And thats when the reader tells him that shes pregnant. and hes like "huh??" you can really do whatever you want with this. I just want a little more Akaashi love in the world.

Haven’t written for him in a while. Please enjoy~🍰

*******************************************************

“Come on Akashi, you’re being too hard on yourself” Bokuto is whined for the 20th time. It was his best friends wedding day, and the usually calm and collected Akaashi was freaking out. The poor guy started to think you were too good for him

“Stop trying to make me feel better. She’s perfect, absolutely perfect. She needs someone who’s 10x better than I am” he said with self-putty. He stops in front of the mirror and looked himself over. His tuxedo fitting him perfectly.

“She’s beautiful, smart, kind, quick witted. How could she ever love me?” He said sadly “I don’t deserve her”

“Come in don’t say that, I’ve seen the way Y/N looks at you” he walks up to his friend “she has nothing but love for you. I’ve honestly never seen two people more perfect for each other, trust me”

Akaashi turns to face his best man, a faint smile of hope on his lips “really?”

“Would an Ace ever lie to his setter?” He raised an eyebrow and he spoke proudly.

“Heh, guesse you wouldn’t would you?” Bokuto nods his head and looks at his watch

“Whoa! We better get going if we don’t want to be late” he smiled as he pushed Akaashi through the door and into the hall. He could hear the muffled chatter of all the people invited.

As they walk down the aisle to their place in the front, they pass many faces. Their teammates, captains, and even opposing schools.

It was nice to see all these people gathered today. Akaashi takes his place at the alter waiting for your arrival. He mentally went over his things in his head, he knew his vows, what to say, and what to do. The only thing he wasn’t prepared for was you in your dress.

Speaking of which, the doors had open to reveal you, his soon to be wife. Just as he suspected, you were absolutely breathtaking. The way the veil framed your face, the dress hugging your body perfectly. You were always beautiful to him for today you were dropped gorgeous.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe, butterfly feeling his stomach and chest. The flutter and swirl around him, his lungs filled to the brim like he couldn’t breathe, but that’s okay. A soft yet bright smile grace your face as you walk down the aisle.

Once your walk was over you take his hand and stand in front of him at the altar. You hear him audibly side as if he was holding his breath the entire time. You look him in the eyes and mouth a quiet hello. The preacher cleared his throat as he begins to talk

“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union of Y/N and Akaashi in holy matrimony“

You could still hear him speaking but was tuned out. You were currently thinking of another situation going on. Yet, you weren't sure if you should tell him now or later at the reception. You had a very important news that would change your lives forever. 

“And now the vows“ Akaashi gives your hand a light squeeze before speaking

“Y/N, I don't even know where to begin to tell you how much I love you. Ever since the first time I met you I knew that you changed my life is better. And here we are today about to be married. you're everything that I could have asked for and more, you're beautiful, smart, caring, and never fail to make me laugh“ he chuckled “I promise to listen, to love and to build you up as we grow together, through this journey called life. I can’t wait to do it with you as my wife.”

You did not attempt to stop the tear from falling. His words were full of love and honestly, even in its simplest form they moved you.

And now it was your turn “Keiji, my love, I don’t know where to start. I love you more than words can describe. You’ve been with me through thick and thin. Arguments or cuddles we always had each other. Now I have the chance to be yours for the rest of our lives. I’m all honesty I don’t deserve someone as compassionate, patient or brilliant as you. I promise to love and care for you. To always support you and to hold your hand when things get rough. I love you”

His lips slightly part hearing your vows. You really believed all that? It was almost as if they had the same mentality. He let a smile grace his face as he slips on the wedding band on to your hand. You do the same as the preacher speaks

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride” his hands come to your waist and pull you close for a kiss. It was passionate, yet innocent and full of eveyrhing emotion he could give you.

You were his wife~

*******

As they walk to the car, ready for their honeymoon they bid their goodbyes. Akaashi was talking with Bokuto when he pulled out a large box

“Here you go, I know you’re really gonna need these” he winked

“Is it even possible to use all these during a honeymoon?” He wondered making the guys around him laugh.

“Listen I want to be an uncle sure but I know you guys want your fun first” he gently elbows him with a hearty laugh.

You had all you friends line up behind you to the bouquet toss. You give a wind up and then throw it behind you. Turns out one of the managers had caught making her revive many whistles and chants. Akaashi comes and intertwined his fingers with yours.

With just a few strides and many goodbyes you were off! Finally officially married and happy.

The second you step foot in the hotelroom, you heart was pounding. This had to be it, you and to tell him. You turn to talk to him

“Keiji I-“ you were stopped with a deep kiss. He keeps his lips synced with your as he backs you up to the bed. He falls over you, his kisses gliding down to your jawline, and your neck. He pulls back about to strip when you blurt out

“I’m pregnant!”

He stops. What?

“I-huh?” He stops what he’s doing and gets off of you. He sits on the bed in a daze. You were pregnant? Well, Bokuto’s gift is going to waste then, or until later. He lets out a deep breath and turns back to you. He embraces you carefully and chuckled

“I think we’re a bit early don’t you think?”

You giggle hugging him back “maybe, but it’s really happening”

He tryna to kiss your cheek “well, I don’t care this is just another miracle in my life~”

*******************************************************

I hope this was okay!❤️

[words-for-holland]

Happier (9) | T.H

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N & Tom seem to be in the process of rebuilding their relationship. Natalie is up to no good. How much more can Y/N & Tom take?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10

Masterlist

A/N: Ive been reading all your responses lately and I appreciate them so much! Im so glad you’re all still on this crazy dramatic ride! Thank you so much for reading and supporting!

Spontaneity

There are certain moments in your life where things go according to plan, and others when they dont...but those are the best kinds. The moments that happen because it feels right and everything just falls into place. After all, everything happens for a reason.

It had been three weeks since Tom and Y/N had their heart to heart, promising to find Unknown together along with Harrison and Harry. While there were no threats taking place, one could never be too careful. The more they waited, the more vulnerable they became, letting down their guard ever so slightly.

Everyone kept a close eye on Natalie, but she convinced them enough to think she was on their side and the PR had nothing to do with Unknown. Show the boys one made up threat message from Unknown and you gained most of their trust. Tom had asked Natalie to stop the PR for the sake of mending his broken relationship with Y/N. She told him that her and her publicist agreed to put it on hold...but kept no promise of stopping it forever.

Natalie’s mother was getting furious, not happy with how her daughter handled the situation. “I told you to keep Y/N away, you insolent girl. You are ruining everything and your chance with Tom.”, she spat through the phone.

Natalie listened to her mother’s rant, rolling her eyes. “Relax mother.” She says sourily. “This is just the beginning. Y/N wont know what hit her and after this...She’s going to wish she never came back to London.” She hangs up the phone smirking as she goes through fan accounts that continued to spark the PR flame.

Meanwhile as the three weeks passed Tom & Y/N had slowly rebuilt their relationship. Occasional glances and banters left their tongue, subtle compliments were thrown out, and it almost seemed as if things would be back just the way they were. Even more so, one day in the kitchen. Y/N was making dinner the for the group as she took the time to cut the asparagus and broccoli. Tom passed by her, as he saw her lose herself in the soft music playing in the background, singing to herself all while still being focused on the food.

He leaned against the doorway and continued to observe her, admiring how cute she looked with her hair up and how sweet her voice sounded with the music. It almost made him think why she didn’t pursue a career in music instead of business. “Wow.” Tom muttered under his breath.

His voice must have been too loud, since Y/N looked up startled, but all the more happy to see the man she once loved..and still does deep down. “Oh..I didn’t see you there.” She giggles. “Don’t worry I’ll stop singing in the kitchen. I know how you guys are when I get into it.”

Tom quickly shook his head as he came closer to her, smiling back. “No. You don’t have to. I think your voice sounds lovely. I mean the kitchen’s got great acoustics.” He laughs nervously. Tom can’t remember the last time he felt so nervous with her, but in the good type of nervous. The type of feeling, one gets when they’re in front of their crush and all the butterlies in their stomach start fluttering. “You just sound and look so beautiful.” He admits, sheepishly.

“Thomas Stanley Holland are you trying to flirt with me?” She asks amused at his attempt pointing the knife at him from a safe distance.

“Am not.” He dramatically answers. “I can’t compliment a friend, who happens to be really beautiful.” Y/N shies away hiding her face, by looking down at the cutting board. “I mean it. I really do think you’re beautiful, even if you dont think like that.”

“Well..I’m definitely no model or Natalie, since the people say you both are London’s to die for couple.” She says bitterly.

Tom rolls his eyes as he takes her hand. “Hey..I told you we stopped it for now and Natalie agreed. You know, I get that we all have our suspicions of her after everything, but she said and proved she was a victim herself. Plus Unknown’s been quiet for the past three weeks.” Y/N scoffs at his defense for Natalie as she heads to the stove with Tom following right behind her. He taps on her should as she reluctantly turns to look at him. “I am only ever going to have feelings for you.” Tom confesses. In this moment their faces are inches apart, eyes are slowing moving down to their lips and back up to their eyes, breaths slowing, and just when it seemed like everything would fall into place, both quickly turn away clearing their throats

Y/N calms her heartbeat as she stirs the pasta while Tom helps stir the sauce. The room was quiet only the sound of bubbling from the pots filling the room. It only took five seconds before they both turned back to each other quickly connecting their lips. The fever and the passion increasing rapidly with every touch and pull. The warmth coming from their breaths and the tingling feeling everytime their lips touched. It was like coming back from an addicition you had quit for so long but craved every single time. They couldn’t stop no matter how wrong this was right now, but it felt so right so spontaneous, so in the moment.

Tom quickly signaled her to jump and did as she told, wrapping her legs around his toned torso, cupping her hands under his jaw. He pushed her back against the kitchen wall, as he slow let on of his hands linger under her shirt. It may have been months apart, but both knew exactly what the other needed and how to handle it. Almost as if it were instinctive. They were in complete bliss, forgetting the world around them. Until, the pasta water started overflowing on the stove.

Y/N opened her eyes and quickly pushed Tom away. “Shit. The food.” She yells out, jumping from Tom’s embrace. Both of them tried to calm their heart rate and Tom stood their watching Y/N, smiling at what had just happened. For once he had his girl back, and everything felt normal. Y/N looks at him, giggling. “What?” She asks.

“Nothing.” He replies, grinning like a little boy. “I’ve waited to do that for so long.”

Y/N blushes at his statement, as she sets up the table with the food. “Come on. It’s time to eat.”

Life seemed surreal after her encounter with Tom. Y/N told herself that it was a one time thing until they found Unknown. She didnt want to put anyone at risk especially both her’s and Tom’s heart. But everytime she told herself, the more she got lost in Tom. Every stolen moment, stolen kisses, stolen touch...he always had a way of making her forget. So while she vowed to herself that it would stop, her heart simply couldn’t. Tom was right, there was no PR, no text messages, no insane fan account rumor. Natalie hadn’t even bothered either of them, always focused on her own thing, and truthfully seemed a lot nicer when she came forth about being a victim of Unknown. The questions came to Y/N’s mind. Why should she have to live in fear? Why not just live in the moment?

It was a slow night. Harrison had spent the weekend at his mother’s while Harry did the same. Tom and Y/N were the only ones that roamed aroundthe house. While Natalie spent her time contemplating everything. Her initial plan to crush Y/N when she least expected was approaching ever so quickly after all the time it took to set up. Within that time, she had gotten to know Y/N and Tom even more so a part from the hatred and the jealousy. For a second...just a second, she considered not to follow through. But her mother’s words and the thought of losing her chances with Tom overtook her the moment she saw the two fall in love all over again. Her suspicions only became worse when she recirved a text from her mother.

Unknown

Just remember, your acting career and your dreams depend on Tom. If you want Tom to choose you, you better get rid of the girl stealing your chances.

Filled with worry, Natalie quickly grabbed her things and made her way out the door.

Meanwhile, Tom and Y/N continued to spend time in each others arms everywhere they went in the house. They settled on the couch, Tom’s stong hands wrapping around her torso as Y/N curled herself into Tom. “I wish we could stay like this forever.” She whispers to him.

Tom hums at the idea, smiling wide. “Me too.” He brings her soft lips to his, letting them linger for a couple seconds more. “Do you really enjoy staying in the guest room?” Tom asks.

Y/N looks up at him, with curious eyes. “I mean yeah it’s okay. Why?”

Tom takes a deep breath before asking, “Well...I was uh wondering, if you didn’t like it as much there, you could..maybe stay with me...again.” He suggested muttering the last word. Tom smiled nervously, as he observes Y/N’s emotions. She was calm like the sea before a storm.

Y/N smiles at his offer, but shakes her head. “Mmm..it’s okay. Im fine where I am, but thank you for the generous offer.” She responds, placing a small kiss on his cheek.

“Yeah...I guess I should have seen that coming.” Tom admits, his face showing signs of disappointment.

Y/N pouts her lips, and lifts her small hand to move a piece of his hair. “Hey..believe me. I want to but nows the not the time..at least not yet. One day, I promise.” She whispers leaving a chaste kiss on his lips. “C’mon we got another day tomorrow. I’m gonna head into my room for a bit.”

“I’ll come up later just wanna make a call to Harrison.” Tom replies. Y/N looks at him and smiles as she nods and heads back up to her room.

As the night came to an end, Y/N took the time to unwind with a book in hand when her phone went off. Her face dropped when she saw the messages.

Pictures of Natalie out and about wearing Tom’s clothes and jewlery, smiling into the sun and enjoying her day out with friends. Gossips left and right from fans and media, talking about how adorable it was that Natalie was the type of girlfriend to steal her boyfriends clothes because it looks cuter on her. Y/N knew deep down it wasn’t true but the words and pictures taunted her. Slowly and surely, she started to get mad, furious that Natalie would start the flame again out of nowhere when she promised Tom they would stopped. Another message popped up for Y/N, and it was from someone she so willingly prayed it wouldnt be who she thought.

Unknown

Doesn’t she look cute in his clothes. Probably better than you ever could. BTW..where is lover boy? 😉

Y/N throws her phone against the wall, pissed more than ever. She should have known this was going to happen. Y/N contemplated the message, she wondered what the text meant. After all Unknown seeemed to know more about everyone here better than they knew themselves. Y/N slowly went downstairs only to hear whispering coming from the kitchen. She couldn’t make out the exact words but she could identify the voice. It was Tom and Natalie? She took a peak at the kitchen where the two stood facing each other. Y/N couldn’t make out Tom’s face but she could see Natalie’s very clearly. “Kiss me.” Natalie whispers, as she quickly places her lips on Tom’s cradling his neck, but Tom didn’t stop. The moment his eyes opened up to see Y/N’s he pushed Natalie off with all his might.

Y/N standing there in shock and sadness. Her eyes tearing up, her breaths shortening. She shakes her head, as she replays the disturbing image in her mind. “Y/N... it’s not what it looks like.” Tom quickly defends, trying to reach for Y/N as she steps back. Natalie observing the two, a slight smirk forming across her face. “I swear it was for the PR and movie.” He yells out, trying to chase her.

Y/N whips back as she faces Tom, the angriest she has ever been with him. “Who are you putting a show for in this house? Me? Because I sure as hell didn’t fucking like it one bit. I should have known better.” She spits out, heading up the stairs with Tom following.

“Y/N..please. It didn’t mean anything. I swear. I was put in a compromising position. Please listen to me.” Tom pleads. The door to her room is shut locked, but he stays there waiting and knocking at the door. “Y/N. Don’t do this. Dont walk away. Please just let me explain. You know what we have is special and the moment at the kitchen and everything this past month...”

“Was ruined and a complete and utter mistake. Leave me alone and I swear Tom you even try to get near me I will make sure you never see the light of day. I should have fucking stayed back.” Y/N yells out, sobbing against the door. It was a nightmare, and this time she couldn’t get out. She sat there now realizing, her heart had broken completely for the second time.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts​ @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave​ @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco @racewife2004 @sleepybesson @greatpizzascissorstaco @andievgs @joyleenl @holland-bowen @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @viwihere @marvelobsessedteenager @panicattheeverywherekid @oswinO5 @jillanaholland

[dyketubbo]

pss pss pss whisper me your opinion/dsmp take

edited in various subjects in the tags but the main one on my mind id say is (all /rp) about ranboo and the syndicate, especially techno, and how i feel like the dissonance in techno seeing the syndicate as genuine friends while ranboo plays the lack of canon interaction very straight and displays an awkwardness about the subject and his distance from techno doesnt seem to.. click, with the fandom? and i dont mean that in a "the fandom doesnt like this", though im sure theres many that do, but i mean it in that i dont think its clicked in manys head that ranboo almost sort of. treats the subject of techno as if hes talking about a teacher he enjoyed talking to but is sort of awkward around now that hes not.. actively being taught, yknow?

he steps around the issue cautiously, nervously um-ing and err-ing about how he hasnt really seen or talked to techno in a while/that often. but i havent seen any content sort of, address that dissonance, yknow? maybe thats just because im not in those circles, but from what ive seen, people either paint them as being super close and having a Distinct Understanding where ranboos willing to tell techno Everything (even about michael even though ranboo is literally the one who removed the ladder to michael during the syndicate visit because he doesnt trust techno with that and doesnt trust techno to not hurt tubbo unless he supervises and makes sure tubbo doesnt reveal too much and even though tubbo has made no indication that he would be okay with ranboo doing such with their son behind his back-).. because he trusted techno with the subject of voices. which, lovely, really! im glad ranboo felt he could confide in techno with that, i dont doubt that theyre friends, but.

theyre not Besties with an inherent understanding, theyre both awkward and while techno feels very positive about ranboo, ranboo doesnt feel.. negative, persay. but hes distinctly nervous of techno and the power techno has (especially the idea of techno asserting his power over tubbo and michael), and regardless of if ranboos misconceptions are unfounded or not (and they somewhat are and somewhat arent), it is what he feels. he doesnt feel negative enough to do anything, but not positive enough that he considers techno family (when, distinctly, he very much so considers tommy family), and not positive enough that hes even sure theyre friends (which you can say is anxiety, sure, but again, he considers tommy to be his friend and family, and tommy actively insults him)

its just sort of.. interesting. ranboo clearly likes the syndicate, and the people in it, and its not as if he disagrees with them, but. hes also scared of what they can do. hes hurt over what phil and techno have already done, feels awkward about how they reacted to tommys death, partially joined to protect tubbo and michael from them, and generally seems to think of himself as. not particularly close to any of them, even if he does like them and wants to be friends. but theres tension between him and techno, and he and niki havent directly talked in a While.

hes the closest to phil, really. he trusts phil with knowing about the marriage and of michael, is generally more open and inquisitive and overall Calm around phil, acting as if he wants phil to be proud of him and is constantly in a state of Being Validated By Phils Pride In Him. and even then.. phils not family. hes just a friend he trusts more than some of his other friends

this isnt really critical of techno or anything, nor of ranboo, or even really direct criticism of the syndicate. if anything, i actually think its kind of interesting and i wish that disconnect and the awkwardness was shown more in fan content. ive seen quite a good few fics with that put into play, at least, but i cant survive on fics forever 😔. but oh well, what can ya do

[thousandfourhundreddays]

Yours For Tonight. Pt 2

Michael Gray x Reader

Part One

A/n: Requested by @namelesslosers , “Part two please! This is amazing, Maybe one where he's already with Gina and the reader comes back to Small Heat? They never stopped loving each other and yeah... Anyway, tag me if you do please?”

The Morning After

“I couldn’t face saying goodbye for the last time, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I have to leave and I’m sorry that we can’t spend the rest of our lives together. I know I promised we would. I’ll never forget you Michael, the love that you showed me was possible, and I’ll forever be thankful for that. I’ll love you always, y/n”

That was the note you left for Michael the morning you left, taking one last look back at his sleeping figure before you gently closed his bedroom door, sneaking down the staircase and onto the cold, harsh cobbles of the street outside, ready to begin your new life in France with your boyfriend. Well... as ready as you would ever be.

Three Years Later

The sharp wind whipped around your as you stepped out of your taxi, taking a long, deep breath whilst you stood taking in your surroundings, the sleek black car vanishing back down the street. A small smile spread across your face as you saw the familiar blackish grey terrace houses that held so many memories. The dull, cold cobbles of the roads which ironically brought you so much warmth and comfort.

You were home... you were in Small Heath.

With no plans of where you’d live, or work, however truthfully, your husbands job left you quite well off so for now you could easily pay for a hotel for however long it took for you to find a house, you found yourself heading to the garrison.

As soon as you made your way through the sparkling golden doors, you caught eyes with Harry, his face lighting up with surprise. You sat and chatted for a good hour or so as he served the men in the pub, this is where you learned that Tommy had bought the pub not long after you left, explaining the glamorous new design. Sparking the topic of the Peaky Blinders, him raving about how well they were all doing which lead to you subtly asking how “Pollys son, that new lad Michael” was doing, which was how you were told he had moved to America on business for a while before moving back a few months later. The topic didn’t last long, you not wanting to seem suspicious so you let Harry briefly fill you in on how your mutual friends were doing.

After a short while, a few familiar faces, mostly friends from school and thier boyfriends and husband made their way into the pub as the day shifted into the evening. The garrison grew busier with time whilst you were bombarded with questions about your life over the past three years, the contry, the food, the people. You almost didn’t notice the door fly open and the faces of Tommy Shelby and Polly Gray appear in the doorway. You breathed a sigh of relief when they turned to make thier way into the back room.

That was until the door creaked opens once again, revealing the face of the man you once, a almost definitely still do love. Your breath caught in your throat as you stared at him, placing a cigarette between his lips and raising a match to light it. He lifted his eyes whilst tucking the match box back into his trouser pocket, scanning the room. Your heat skipped a beat as his chestnut brown eyes can’t into line with your y/e/c ones. It felt like the world stopped spinning, his face unreadable as you swallowed the lump in your throat. The buzz of chatter began to ring in your ears, fading into silence. To you, it felt like it was only you and him in the room. A shy, unsure smile flashed across your face, his astonished eyes softening in response.

Suddenly the noise returned to your ears, your heat started to beat and 1000 miles an hour and you watched a woman slip through the crack between the doors, her golden blonde hair glistening in the light. Her painted red lips raising to Michaels ear, whispering something which you couldn’t make out. Her hand making its way upto Michaels neck to get his attention, her burgundy nails gently scratching against his skin. On her finger, a ring.

You forced your eyes away and tears welled in them. Michael snatching his head in the direction of his wife and they also made thier way into the back room.

Your mind was riddled with questions and possibilities. How long had they been married? Did they have children? What was her name? Of corse you knew there was a possibility of seeing him, you weren’t stupid. You for some reason you hadn’t expected this.

You spent the next half an hour or so trying your best to act natural, a few wuenstioning looks were directed at you from your friends, which were returned with you most convincing smile.

Not long after, the Blinders left the back room, Tommy heading to the bar, Polly heading home, leaving Michael and his wife stood talking for a second before she ran to catch up with Polly. He stood searching the room for your face in the crowd of drunken men and tipsy women, after finally spotting you he gave a sly nod in the direction of the door, indicating for you to follow. You waited a minute or two to avoid any suspicion, and to prepare yourself for what was about to happen, before excusing yourself to the toilet and slipping out the out the pub undetected.

The cool air hit you, somewhat refreshing however due to your lack of preparation to be stood out in the cold with your ex lover at this time of night, and therefore your lack of coat, the cold soon hit your bones, causing you to warp your arms around yourself with a shiver.

You searched the darkness for Michael, only spotting him when the glow of a match lit up his face in a discreet ally a few meters away from the entrance of the Garrison. Letting out a shakey breath, your feet subconsciously carried you towards him.

You froze a couple of meters in front of him. You took in his appearance as you stared at one another. His eyes sat above light purple circles, he looked exhausted. His skin a little more wrinkled than when you left, obviously from stress. His hair gelled to the side, much smarter and professional than you ever remembered, must be to cover his tiredness.

“Hey” the simple word snapped you out of your thoughts, bringing your eyes back upto his. They were no longer bright and full of life, they were dull and mysterious.

“Hi” you said, your voice wavering slightly as you let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding.

He offered you a cigarette which you gladly took, thanking him with a smile as you made your way forward, now standing opposite him.

A few seconds past before he broke the silence.

“How’ve you been?” He said cautiously.

“Not bad, you?”

“Yeah, good, thank you”

You stood in an awkward silence, neither of you knowing how to begin a conversation, or more like not knowing what kind of conversation to start.

Once again, it was Michael who spoke first. “What are you doing here, y/n?”

“Well, Iv got nothing left for me in France, let’s just say that.”

“What about...” he began, about to ask about your boyfriend before his mind assumed the worst. “Is he... ok?”

“He’s fine. Well...” you took a second to think of how to word your sentence. Do you lie? How much should you tell? You gave in, letting out a sigh, you continued “Prison.”

Michael raised his eyebrows in shock, your boyfriend would be the last person anyone would’ve expected to go to prison. A respectable lawyer from an honourable family.

“Yeah” you said, reading his expression. “Money laundering... got three years inside.” You looked down at th ground, for some reason ashamed of your partners illegal antics which you had absolutely no involvement in.

“And you didn’t want to wait for him?”

“Nah” your lifted you head to have another drag of your cigarette, as did Michael.

“You know how I feel about criminals.” You joked with a small smile, you were fully aware of what Michael and his family did for a living, and he knew that. A faint grin flashed across his face, giving you his good old, soft ‘shut up’ face as he let out a soft laugh.

“Didn’t expect that” he said, deciding to state the obvious.

“Yeah well he wasn’t as lucky as you lot, he got caught” Another giggle left his lips, you always knew how to make him laugh, he loved that about you.

“No, but seriously... I just saw my chance and took it, you know how I felt about him, I never wanted to leave. Anyway, here I am.”

He gave you a sympathetic smile, imagining how it felt to have to sail off to a new country, leaving everything you ever knew behind to live with a boyfriend you you’d fell out of love with.

His trail of though was broken. “So, what’ve you been upto?” You said solemnly, leaning back against the cold brick wall, preparing yourself for the conversation surrounding his wife.

Michael inhaled on his cigarette, needing to calm his nerves, he knew you had realised who she was when he walked into the Garrison, you weren’t stupid, he could see it in your eyes.

“She’s my wife.” He stated, knowing you’d catch on to who he was talking about.

“Congratulations” you tried to put on your best fake smile.

“I didn’t think you’d ever come back, y/n, honestly if I had any ide-”

“Michael... dont. You weren’t to know”

He nodded slightly, clearing his throat. “I still love you, you know” his voice was shy, laced with anticipation and somewhat fear.

“Loving each other was never the problem, mikey” you said softly.

“Yeah but now the problems Gina, and I-”

“Gina” you cut him off, reality hitting you now that you learned his wife’s name. He just looked at you, sadness set deep within his eyes.

“I’d do anything for you y/n, anything to have you back” his voice was barely a whisper as he stepped closer to you. His hand cautiously reaching up to cup your face. You leaned into his palm as you eyes glided shut, a tear escaping. “Look at me, please y/n”

You slowly opened you eyes to see Michaels only inches away, now glistening with tears of his own. Before you knew it, his lips were on yours, the connection which you had longed to feel for so many years hit you. The butterflies in your stomach, the slight dizzy ness that only Michael ever made you feel. It was all still there.

Despite your hunger for him, you abruptly broke the kiss, stroking his cheek, trying to hold yourself back. “I can’t do this Michael... your happily married” once again leaning into his touch.

“I’m not happy” he said bluntly, shaking his head as if to convince you.

“She is”

“I’m so sorry y/n, for everything” his voice filled with regret.

“Don’t be, please don’t be... Iv got to go Mikey”

And with that, you smoothly escaped his grasp and made your way out onto the street, the biting wind surrounded you once again.

You heard the faint calls of Michael shouting your name as you forced you self to keep walking. Leaving you both with tear stained faces.

Michael would have to go home to his wife, his mind submerged in thoughts of you whilst you lay in an estranged hotel room, drowning in thoughts on Michael.

PartThree.

A/n: hehehehe I’m actually SO proud of this :) @namelesslosers I hope this is ok!!

Remember my requests are always open!!

Instagram: @peakyblindersengland

Masterlist

Xox

[love-mom17]

8/20/2020

****TRIGGER WARNING***

Please dont read if you cannot deal with reading bloody details or anything with a miscarriage.

Soooo here i am. I am feeling a lot better! I had a lot going on with my health and mental being and i just needed some time to myself. 

SOOOO lets go back a little to let you know what went down this month... ON monday aug. 3rd i was confirmed that i was going through another miscarriage. Even though i wanted to believe that this was all a mistake. I knew it wasnt. I didnt cry during my appointment. I was kind of expecting this to happen even though i wished it wasnt that way.  My sac had collapsed completely. THere was no sight of anything.  I was prescribed Misoprostol that same day and i decided to take it right after my appointment. I had 4 pills that i had to take every 6 hrs to help move the process along. 

I finished my last dose on Aug. 4th (tuesday) i had some clots come down and since i wasnt that far along i thought that was end of it. i was spotting off and on for the next few days. Friday night came along and i was just about to leave my parents house. I started to have some cramps. they werent bad but im a little bitch when it comes to cramps. 

My parents were just like stay here and let the pain pass through and i was like naaa I want to be at home. I wanted to cry all my emotions where everywhere at this point. I left and here i am on my way home. A 30 minute drive that felt like HELL!!!! The cramps became more intense and i was crying the whole way home. I had a maxi pad on and i was able to feel it the blood just gushing out of me. My son was asleep and i wanted to yell!!!!! In that drive home i had felt a good 4-5 blood gushes coming out of me... I took my son out and tried to carry him out but I was in so much pain I couldnt do it with out making too much noise. I layed him down and i layed with him a bit so that he wouldnt wake up... To my surprise i was not able to lay down with him. I felt so much pressure down there that i felt like my uterus was going to burst. Since i wasnt able to get him to go sleep again after i laid him down , I rushed to the restroom and here I am. Just bleeding like crazy. With every contraction i had i was squirting out blood and blood clots. The pain was unbearable. My husband was working and here i am home alone with my son.

All im thinking is im having a hemorrhage. I’m soaking through my maxi pads so fast that I didnt know what to do. I called my parents to rush over here to help me go to the ER. I was trying to remain calm because i didnt want to pass out on my son and for him to freak out. By the time my parents got there i had already changed my pad 4 times (IN 30 MINUTES). I went to the closest ER to me and they took me in. The guy that took my vitals and my intake pissed me off because he had the nerve to say that “Exactly thats what the medication does to you, Thats normal. Your going to have a lot of pain and pass blood clots. Its normal!” It was the way he said it that triggered me. Making me look like if i was just there to waste their time. So I said “So you are going to tell me that its normal to soak 4 Maxi pads in less than 30 minutes? You assuming before knowing doesnt make you look that bright” Apparently, the doctor was listening and as soon as he heard me say that he stepped in and took me with him and gathered the rest of my information. I was taken to do another ultrasound and blood work. I was feeling sooo dizzy after they took my blood. 

Im not one to faint after a blood draw. But i was soo weak. They confirmed with me that i had a small hemorrhage and that  I had not lost a lot of blood to need a transfusion. My bleeding at this point was starting to slow down. They stated that i had not passed that sac yet. It was still sitting in my cervix canal. I had to get another dose of the medication. through out that  week, i was bleeding normal and sure enough the weekend came again and its Aug. 9th 2am, having cramps. I was trying to sleep it off but when they got strong it would wake me up. Finally i took some pain meds after my pharmacy took forever to get my medication ready!!!! I ran some errands and i figured it would help me walk around to help me pass the sac. Its 5:30pm and im standing in line at Winco. When i feel this gush of blood come down and i felt something just sitting at the opening of my vagina. My pad kept it from coming out and my husband was outside dealing with my son because he was throwing his fit. I finish paying and it was so uncomfortable to walk. I tried to sit down in the car and i couldnt. It felt so weird and i told my husband to drive...I get home and walked as fast as i could to the restroom and i pull down my pants and there it was... the SAC!!!!  

With everything that went down i couldn't even process what was all happening emotionally. That whole week after i was a wreck. I was angry and sad. I wanted to cry and yell and punch shit. My friend Jenn reached out to me and it was a while since i reached out to anyone. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Since then, Ive been able to cope with it better. But i can feel it that it lingers on and im just trying avoid it. Im not planning on trying again any time soon. I dont want to think about it. Im too scared of all of this to happen again. My first miscarriage went a lot smoother than this time. This time was just so scary....

[autisticmob]

HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference?? 

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with. 

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.” 

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway. 

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!! 

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that! 

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week. 

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications. 

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind. 

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day. 

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE. 

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine. 

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

[otherthingsinhead]

My Girl

Pairing: Reader x Javier Peña

Warnings: language / smut

Request: @technicallykawaiisoul 

Can I request a Javier Peña x reader fanfic, maybe she's a famous detective from another country and she starts to work with Javi & Steve, and maybe Steve teases Javi about her and maybe a lit fluff & smut😉

“What was that?”

“What?”

“You’ve just volunteered your weekend for shopping. You really wanna pick and choose curtains and pillows with Y/N?”

“Yeah, she just came to the city and needs to make her apartment more like home. And I need some sheets and stuff in my place too.” Javier said under his mustache causing Steve to chuckle so hard he nearly spat his coffee across the table.

“Your sheets are changed often, huh?” He laughed but Javi just shook his head, grinning.

“You won’t rest until you get into her panties, will you?”

“It might surprise you but I don’t get laid with every woman I find attractive.”

“Attractive? You find Y/N attractive?! I think there's a better way of putting it.” Steve said teasingly. Javier’ eyes widened and the first time since you left the office, his heart began to race.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked trying not to sound desperate.

“You can’t deny it forever you have a crush on her.”

“Fuck off, Murphy!” Javier scoffed putting a cigarette into his mouth. He didn’t realize his feelings for the beautiful, new member of their team were so obvious.

“Oh, c’mon Javi, you look like a little boy seeing a puppy every time she enters the room.” Steve continued as Javier took his jacket and showed him a middle finger as a response.

“Where are you going?”

“Out.”

“I hope you don’t have much plans for tonight!”

“Why?”

“Connie wants you to come over for dinner.”

“That’s kind but...”

“It’s ok, no pressure. Then we’ll be just the three of us.”

“Three?”

“Connie, I and Y/N.”

“She invited Y/N too?”

“And she said happily yes.”

“Maybe I can... cancel the... thing.” Javi mumbled but his words died in Steve’s giggling.

Javier denied his feelings for you. He convinced himself it was only physical attraction even after he found himself thinking about you day and night and started to find excuses to see you. Living in the apartment next to yours made it easy to knock on your door any time of the day and ask for some milk or a little help in the kitchen.

He never got enough of you. How could he? You were beautiful, sharp-witted, funny and wise. He loved your enthusiasm for your work and adored how much you cared for the people of this country. But his favorite thing about you was your laughter because it sent the most warming feelings through his chest melting his heart utterly.

The need of finding Escobar has never been so urgent since he started killing people. You couldn’t bear the weight of responsibility and the only thing always helped was Javi. His embracing arms brought comfort to your distressed soul after a shocking news of someone’s death. Your partnership quickly grew into a friendship what you needed so much in that foreign, chaotic country.

Friendship. You were friends and it was something you had to remind yourself from time to time. Since the first time you met Javier, you had an amiable feeling towards him. His smile was unbearably adorable and whenever he gave you a tiny bit of smile your stomach fluttered uncontrollably. The combination of his charismatic charm and desirable features was dangerous enough in itself but the small compliments and light physical contacts he gave you made your heart want to jump out of your chest. It took all your strength to keep your calmness around him. You’ve heard the rumors about his sexual life and albeit you’ve never seen his so-called girlfriends you could imagine him as a womanizer.

Connie wasn’t a notable cook but she did a great job with the dinner. And honestly, that macaroni was the best thing had happened with you on that week. It was so relaxing to sit around with friends and talk about everything but narcos.

After the third drink, you felt your head dizzy a little bit and sitting next to Javier just made it worse. He was in a flirty mood too and you couldn’t deny how much you enjoyed his attention.

“Ok guys, I have to ask.” Connie stated after drinking up her glass of red. “Is there something between the two of you? Are you guys dating or something?” She asked causing Steve to chuckle into his drink.

“What?” She blinked between her husband and the gaping guests. “Aren’t they look cute together?!”

“No, Connie, there’s nothing between Y/N and I. Nothing more than friendship, right?” Javier said looking down at you. He seemed so calm and it made your uneasiness to grow.

“Yes! Exactly. I mean... Javi and I?! Seriously?” You giggled.

“Uh... Am I not good enough for you?” Javier smiled, his voice almost scolding.

“No, I... Sorry, I-I just can’t imagine having a date with you, like... you know.... I mean... Can you imagine?” The words came stuttering out of your mouth, hands trembling and wine swirling nervously in your glass. For a moment it seemed like the air was soo thick with silence you could barely breathe.

“Uh... I think she means you’re partners and dating with each other would be unprofessional.” Steve's voice came as a joyful surprise. “Ok, sweetheart can we get to the dessert instead of making our guests uncomfortable?”

“Actually, I’m full and I still have some work to do so...” Javier said exchanging a look of understanding with Steve. “Thanks for the lovely dinner but if you don’t mind I would just take my leave.”

It wasn’t until Javier left the room that you realized how much you hurt him. And it felt horrible. After the dessert, you went downstairs to your apartment and walking by Javier’s door you felt a strong urge to knock on it. But you didn’t.

Sleep didn’t come. You turned and curled in your bed thinking about the events of the night. The pleasant feelings of Javier’s arm around your shoulder, his voice in your ears, his smile! And then the look on his face when you said you wouldn’t date with him. Even if it was only theoretical. But was it though?

Since you couldn’t bring yourself to sleep you decided to go to the kitchen for some water but soon you found yourself on the cold corridor of the building with a solid decision in your mind to knock on Javier’s door.

A huge wave of embarrassment swept through your body as you were standing in front of his door, waiting for him to open it. You wished he didn’t hear your knocking. He did.

“Y/N?” A frightened look on Javier’s face as he opened the door and find you standing there barefoot, in a nightgown. “What happened? Are you ok?”

“Yes, Yes, I... I... I’m sorry, I shouldn’t wake you up, I just... I couldn’t sleep, because... well, you know I... I know I hurt you with my words and, and, and I just wanted to tell you, I don’t think you’re not worthy of dating, actually... I-I-I think you’re a really kind guy and have a lovely personality and I’m sure you’d be an amazing boyfriend and, and, and... And I am sorry and... and that’s all.” You swallowed.

“Y/N, you came back in the middle of the night to tell me you would date me?”

“Yes... No! I just, just wanted to apologize.” You said but felt your cheeks burn like hell because you both know it wasn’t the truth.

Javier’s frown faded giving way to his eyes to shine. The last thing you saw was an adorable half-smile plastering on his mouth, then you closed your eyes and clung to his neck, pressing your lips onto the smirk. The strong arms instinctively found their ways around the small of your back, keeping you close to his unclothed upper body.

His kiss was sweet and soft and you fully lost yourself in it missing the moment when he pulled you into his apartment and closed the door behind you. His hands still lingered upon your hips, holding you steady against the door as he deepened the kiss causing your body to override with the pleasure his tongue was giving you. Oh, what a wonderful kisser he was! A small whimper of disappointment left your throat when he pulled away.

“I wanna take you to my bedroom.” He confessed. Dark lust shone through his eyes.

“Ok.” You panted simply.

“Are you sure, Y/N?”

“Yes, Yes, I am. I want this, I... I want this with you.” You said but you didn’t sound convincing so you continued. “It’s just sex, right?” You chuckled. “It’s not a big deal, we can... we-we’re grown people, we can have sex with each other if we...” Your breath hitched in your throat at the look on his face.

“No, I can’t do this.”

“What?”

“I can’t have sex with you Y/N. I can’t if it means nothing to you.”

You couldn’t say a word just stood there panting, trying to control yourself as you stared into his eyes.

“I like you.” He continued. “I do. And I want to make this work. I want us to work.”

“Javi, I...”

“Tell me you want the same. So I can make love to you.” A sudden rush of flutter you felt in your stomach mixed with a bitter feeling.

“Javi, you know I’m here for work. As soon as we catch Escobar I’ll leave the country.” You whispered and watched him shaking his head with disappointment. You took his face in your hands, making him look up at you.

“But I like you too. And I want you to make love to me.” You smiled and he kissed you. And his kiss felt sweeter than before. 

He knew you won’t stay forever and this both released him and terrified him. He didn’t want to fall in love with you. He didn’t want to fall in love at all that’s why he chose his lovers from hookers. And yet the intoxicant feelings that overwhelmed him at your presence was racing through his veins like wildfire.

Taking your hands in his he led you to the bedroom where he gently pushed you down onto the bed. His eyes were full of lust and your body was full of anticipation. He pushed you back into the bed crawling over you and his lips captured yours in a deep, passionate kiss. Your arms naturally wrapping around his neck and your fingers tangling in his hair. Dark and soft just like his gaze upon you as he pulled away from the kiss only to see the delicious expression of need on your face.

“I’ve been waiting for this so long.” He smiled tucking a hand under the hem of your nightgown and raising goosebumps on your skin.

Before you could say anything he bent down to claim your lips again. His hand glided along your thigh and your ribs until it reached a breast with inviting, stiffened nipple. You tried to bite back the soft moan that escaped as he rolled the ball of his thumb over the sensitive area, but it escaped with a shudder. You could tell from his growing smirk that it drove him crazy and the rising bulge palpable against your thigh could confirm that too.

As he moved to trail wet kisses along your jawline and neck you tried to catch your breath. His mouth moved perfectly against the sensitive spots sending waves of heavenly vibrations through your nerves and made your body unintentionally wiggle beneath his.

It took a few moments until you realized he had been getting rid of his pants. Your panties and nightgown quickly followed as he pulled off and threw them carelessly to the floor. Then he laid on his back, pulled you on top of him and paused, giving an admiring stare to your naked body. You’ve never felt so confident before. Locking your gaze with his you reached for him, carefully wrapping your fingers around his fully hardened erection. A sharp inhale escaped him.

Having him panting between your thighs made you want him inside you more than ever and he looked like he desperately wanted it too. He sat up and your body lighted up with pleasure as he latched his mouth on your nipple sucking and nipping it heatedly while rubbing an expert thumb gently against your clit. The soft massage he gave to your throbbing core turned you into a moaning mess.

“Fuck, Y/N!” Javier breathed. “I have to finish you up way too quickly if you keep making these sweet noises.”

Your mouth moved to reply but couldn’t form a single word as he captured your lips with his, kissing you with growing hunger.

When he broke the kiss again, you seized the opportunity to bury your head into the crook of his neck and press him back to the pillows only to taste every inch of soft skin you found the way down to his belly. Your hands still working on his length. Judging by the shaky breaths and loud moans he enjoyed your caresses.

“It seems like I’m not the only one here making sweet noises.” You teased him peering up through your lashes and gently bit into his belly. He was already so close, his erection felt painfully full and throbbing with every motion of your hand.

“I wouldn’t think you can be such a tease.” He said sitting up and tossing you onto your back again. “I like it.”

He reached under a pillow and pulled out a shiny package. The bare thought of having him inside you, made you shiver. After he put on the condom he leaned over you again and lined up his length with your soaking entrance. His eyes scouting your expression as he entered you slowly, deliciously slowly, allowing your walls to adjust his size. You quivered a silent moan and tightened your grips on his shoulders at the feeling of him filling you all the way up and sending tiny explodes of pleasure to your nerves all over your body.

You bucked your hips up and whimpered at the feeling of the sharp difference between constant alternation of fullness and emptiness. The room was loud with the sound of heavy breathing, moaning and screams. You started to feel a coil in your tummy tighten with every thrust he made and hearing him growling with pleasure pushed you closer and closer to the edge of your climax.

You couldn’t help but cried out his name when your walls convulsed around him in a divine manner you’ve never experienced before. It was his undoing and with a deep, rusty moan he pumped his cum inside you.

His eyes were closed and he felt his body weighted down, crushing yours into the bedding. He raised his head and smiled shyly at you. He looked exhausted but his beaming face made him irresistibly kissable. You couldn’t stop smiling as he snogged you amorously.

He rolled beside you and rested his head on your chest nestling between your arms. Taking a deep breath you inhaled his scent trying to savor the moment of the complete happiness and satisfaction. You spent a few minutes just laying in each other's arms in silence. He listened to your beating heart as you twirled your fingers through his hair.

“So... Are we still on for shopping tomorrow?” You asked lacing your fingers with his soft locks and pulling his head so you could look into his eyes.

“Of course.” He answered and placed his palm on your breast with tender care, gently rubbing the skin on it. “I wouldn’t mind spending more time with my girl.”

His last two words echoed in your mind and you couldn’t hide the gloominess that possessed your face. He frowned.

“I don’t wanna give up on us.” He said with a serious expression on his cute face then kissed your pursing lips with such need you wondered if he was ready to make you his again. He couldn’t help but moan as his hips bucked into your touch.

“Is this what I think this is?”

“Uh-hm.” He hummed against your lips. “We don’t know... how much longer... can we be together so... we have to use our time wisely.” He rustled between kisses he planted on the way from your neck to your breasts and you knew you were ready to give yourself to him fully. Not only your body but also your heart.

MASTERLIST

Tag list: @purplewings12

[4chanbf]

All asks

Thank you Lily!!

angel; do you have a nickname?

I dont even have a name lmao, but some ppl call me Olive, that makes me so happy

awe; how old are you?

Im 13

baby; favorite color?

Black and red

bloop; spirit animal?

Rat? idk?

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

I dont even know:/ sorry

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

A cow!! i still have him i made him some kandi actually

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

Ehmm, i dont even know

bright; mermaids or fairies?

FAIRIES

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

I have some pretty close friends, but idk if i have a best friend

buttercup; showers or baths?

Showers

butterfly; dream destination?

Idk really

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

I dont really know lol

calm; favorite scent?

Green apples are pretty nice smelling?

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

I dont remember much, however i was in this room and it had some children in it. They were like, not born or something? Society hated all of them and they were like made wrong or something bc it was a society where ppl were made like robots? anyways they were all pretty fragile and they could die easily, i dont remember any of them but this one girl, she was around 14 years old, she was tall and pale and she had long straight hair. it was like a grayish blonde color. she didnt have any eyes but where her left eye should be there was this black bead thingy? she didnt feel very good, i think she was preparing to die actually

charming; have you ever been in love?

I dont know jcjdmxm

cozy; eye/hair color?

Im a ginger:( also my eyes are like brown or something

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

Idk, i just like vampires

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

I like black roses?

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

I got a game for my switch :D

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

My bunny backpack lol

cutsie; what makes you happy?

My friends and ice coffee and music

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

Lmao never jjmhm

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

As a boy

daylight; favorite album of all time?

Three cheers for sweet revenge maybe?

dear; zodiac sign?

Cancer

delightful; concerts or museums?

Ive actually never been to a concert :(

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

Think so?

dobby; dream job?

Artist i think

doll; how do you like to dress?

I dress like a lesbian

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

No :’(

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

Ehm i think so

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

I used to have a pretty extreme alien phase. I better say yes i dont wanna betray 9 year old me

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

Ehm i love my friends? One of my best friends i love a lot, hes always there for me when im feeling not so good. also hes very funny i love talking to him and i really hope ill get to meet him one day!

fairy; do you have a pet?

Yes i have a dog!!

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

OCEAN

forever; where do you feel time stop?

I never really feel like that :(

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

No :( my poor plants :(

garden; how many languages do you know?

I speak english and danish, but im currently learning german!

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

My friends?

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

Im obsessed with scenecore

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

Yes!! theyre so much fun!

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

1. I treat other ppl well mostly

yeah i hate everything else about me lmao

heart; silk or lace?

Lace, silk is making me shiver just from thinking of it

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

Ice coffeeeee!! i am gay

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

I really like both? i dont really care

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

RAIN

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

RAIN! AND THUNDER

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

Be in my room and cry while listening to music. sometimes i draw or play videogames too

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

My laugh is fucking ugly. also i snort when i laugh and my friends keep pointing it out 

kinky; do you blush easily?

Yea i think so

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

Idk i just want a hug

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

When im in my bed on my phone and im just talking to ppl before i sleep. or when im drinking ice coffee

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

Mcr or pierce the veil or slipknot

love; what is your favorite season and why?

I hate all seasons

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

Dark chockolate i think (i know i cant spell njnjm)

magic; what are five flaws you have?

1. Im annoying

2. Im treating myself like shit

3. I look very ugly and like a girl

4. None of the things i used to love makes me happy anymore really

5. Im stupid and i cant focus

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

PASTELS

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

They are nice and cute and loves me as much as i love them uwuwuw

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

I dont really know, im tiredd

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

On my phone. listening to music. being sad

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

Idk i feel like i dont improve, i only get worse

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

Cooking!

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

Ugly. also i draw an x instead of . and the dot over i

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

I do own a uke! cant play tho

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

Im pretty bad at that lmao 

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

Kiwi? idk, i like berries tho

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

Idk, i feel like jared, 19 so fucking much

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

Idk

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

That one time i accidently listened to mama by mcr, and then i was like “o shit im trans”

shine; art or music?

Yes?

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

Hmmh, kinda

smitten; do you collect anything?

Kandi!!

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

3

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

Sour candy

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

Kandi

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

Both

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

Headphones

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

Steven universe

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

My bed

soothe; digital or vinyl?

Vinyl!

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

A hug lmao

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

That they listen. and if we can be idiot dumbasses together thats nice too

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

aesthetically pleasing

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

Ahaha no

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

I like funny kids. not the annyoing ones. dont think i want some tho

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

Misters chemical romance

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

Idek

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

The friend who makes a little too many jokes about wanting to die. Also the friend who never shows up bc im too busy being sad lmao

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

Had a very nice conversation with a friend. that was very appreciated

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

Both. thats not good

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

SHAPESHIFTING IM TRANS

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

I love being in my room, but sometimes i really dont want to be here

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

Nope

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

Messy

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

I cant wait to get the fuck out of here

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

Yep

Thanks for the ask :) this took a long time nndjc

[fairyscribbles]

No More Running. (D.O, Romantic Confession)

By the way my loves, no need to worry about me! I decided to clean my folder and I found a lot of stories that I haven’t posted on tumblr yet, and I am pretty proud of them! So these are things that were written a while ago, but you get to see now! <3

-

You pushed your feet to go faster, feeling the strain in your muscles as you sped down the dark alleyway. You muted out the gruff yells that were behind you and your mind was only set on one thing- escaping the situation you’ve gotten yourself into.

You haven’t done anything wrong. You were innocent, and yet it was you who ended up being chased again.

You knew very well who was following you. And you knew they were toying with you. If they would’ve wanted, the vampires would have already ripped your jugular out.

They weren’t doing this for hunger. Oh no, the reason was far more personal than an innocent feeding.

This was an act of revenge, an eye for an eye. But they had the wrong person. You weren’t supposed to be executed for this reason.

You sharply turned left, almost losing your footing as you slammed into the side of the building. You could faintly register the burning on your arm as it scratched against the building, willing yourself to go faster.

This was all just a big mistake. They weren’t supposed to go after you. You weren’t the one closest to Do Kyungsoo, the werewolf they wanted to hurt the most.

Kyungsoo made sure you knew that well.

-

“Look…” he started, pausing after muttering your name. His eyes were set on the ground.

“This isn’t because of you…”

“Oh, of course not. It’s never me, it’s always you.” You cut him off, your hands balled into fists at your sides. He tried to open his mouth to protest, but you didn’t let him.

“At first, it was about you being different. When I showed you I had absolutely no problem with you being a werewolf, you changed the story to the “enormous” age gap problem.” You stated, crooking your fingers in the air in imaginative quote marks. Kyungsoo’s full lips pursed in a thin line, his brows furrowed.

“Even when I said that three years aren’t that bad, you’ve apparently come up with another one.” Crossing your arms on your chest, you glared at him.

“Let’s hear it, then.” He started out with your name again, and no matter how much you loved hearing it rolling off his lips, you willed yourself not to be affected by it.

“I cannot…I’m too dangerous for you.”

“Oh, that is rich.” You scoffed and Kyungsoo showed his distaste of interrupting him by growling deep in his chest. Sometimes, you forget that Kyungsoo is really a dangerous being, but no one could blame you- he is always so gentle and nice, it isn’t hard to let your mind slip with that little fact that he is able to transform into a great beast.

You pursed your lips, holding in all the other snarky comments until he is finished.

“I’m too dangerous. After all these years, I’ve made too many enemies. They could hurt you to get to me. And the biggest enemy is right in this room.” You lifted your eyebrow in question and Kyungsoo pointed at his chest.

“It’s me. I could hurt you so easily…” he muttered almost to himself, as he lifted his hand and his thumb brushed gently over your cheek. It took all you had not to lean into his touch, as you stared into his eyes, which seemed to be torn by uncertainty.

“Just with a flick of my wrist, I could break you bones…”

“You don’t have to flick anything but your tongue, to let those words out and break my heart.” You added, your voice lowering to his whisper. Pain flashed through his eyes and to your dismay, his hand retreated from your skin. He was already taking steps back, away from you.

“I’m sorry, I can’t…I can’t risk it. I’m so sorry.”

You would’ve cried, but you didn’t have the energy anymore. Sadly, you were so used to Kyungsoo walking out on you; it didn’t hurt as much as the last time.

You loved him, and you were sure he loved you back. The fact that after every single time he left, he returned to you made you realize that he was unable to be without you.

Do Kyungsoo’s machinations of his mind were an enigma, you decided, as you stared at the closed door, a thought crept in your head that it might’ve been a metaphor about Kyungsoo.

The closed door might be a metaphor on your relationship with Kyungsoo.

You were left all alone.

-

And alone, you had to face the two bloodthirsty vampires at your heels. You felt that your muscles started to scream in pain, but you couldn’t allow yourself to slow down. Slowing down mean certain death.

“Think fast, wolf bait!” a crystal clear voice called out behind you and not a second later, a sharp rock came in contact with your scalp. With a yelp, you stumbled but kept your balance. Your head throbbed, and that pain seemed to break down the numbness your brain created when they started chasing you.

You were being chased by vampires. And your only hope, the only one that could save you, turned his back on you.

That didn’t stop you from calling for help.

“Help…” the only word whimpered through your lips and the vile creatures behind you cackled.

“No one will come, sweetie. Stop running and we’ll make it quick.”

I don’t want to make it quick. I want to live, you wanted to tell the vampires, but you knew it would be useless.

“Please, help!” your voice grew louder as you took another turn. You noticed your grave mistake too late, that you ran into a dark alley, that was most probably cut off by some obstacle. Your fears came true, as a metal fence started rising above you and soon enough, you collided into it, hoping it would topple over.

Not happening. The fence stood there long before you and it probably will continue standing proud long after you’re gone.

You searched for a weapon of any kind- you were positive that you wouldn’t find any silver in the abandoned alleyway, so you settled for a broken vodka bottle. You clenched it by the throat, facing the predators with shaky legs.

“Leave me alone.” You tried to make your voice firm, but it cracked to a plea in the middle of the sentence, making the vampires laugh.

“We can’t do that, honey. There’s no escape. I’m sorry.” The monster replied and as if his speech triggered your reflex, your legs set off running again.

You didn’t get far though, as an arm shot up to meet you, sending you flying back to the fence. With a cry, you tried to catch your breath, your eyes glazing over with tears.

“Kyungsoo…” his name escaped your lips and your attacker grinned.

“Yes, thank him for killing you.”

“Kyungsoo, help me…” you were far too gone with fear, trying to back up even further into the fence when the vampire started approaching you.

“No! Stay back! Please!”

“So loud…” the other one growled, slapping you across the cheek. The sole impact had you losing your balance as you fell on the ground, knocking your head on some rubbish. Sobbing, you tried to crawl away from your death, into the corner of the building and the fence.

“Please, no!” you cried again, when you felt an iron grip on your ankle yank you away from your haven.

“Shut up already!”

“Say your prayers, flower.”  The first one finally said, lifting his arm to strike you again, but this time, you were sure it would be the last.

“Kyungsoo!” you shrieked, your eyes closing and awaiting the impact.

A growl cut through the air and soon enough, ripping and yells reached your ears, before you covered them, cutting them off.

You wanted out. This was just  a horrible nightmare, you wanted out, to wake up. Or if it had to be real life, you just wanted to die, to finally have it over with and to die in peace. Oh god, that was the only thing you wanted, just to get out…

Your ranting was interrupted by a familiar voice calling your name. At first, you thought it was just your mind playing tricks, but when big hands covered yours, gently prying them off your ears, you heard that concerned voice again.

You opened your eyes and as you stared into Kyungsoo’s worried ones, you couldn’t fight the tears anymore and you broke down, crying.

“Did they hurt you? Hey, ___, talk to me, please.” His hand cupped your chin, tilting you up to meet his gaze again, while his other one gently swiped at the swollen cheek and busted lip that the vampires rewarded you with. His eyes laced with fury, and a growl rumbled off his chest.

“They didn’t bite you, right?” he asked carefully and relief washed over him when you shook your head.

“Did they hurt you anywhere else?”

“You came.” You interrupted his interrogation by throwing your arms around his neck and hugging him tight. You refused to let go of him, your grip around his neck was almost bordering with pain, but either way, one of arms wrapped around your back, bringing you impossibly close, while the other one cradled your head.

“I’m so sorry I came so late. I’m so sorry.” He whispered into your ear, while you proceeded to cry into his neck.

“I was so scared…” you were only able to hiccup through your sobs.

“I know, and I’m so sorry, but it’s all okay now, I’m here…” Kyungsoo started rocking you gently, trying to calm you down.

“But for how long? How long until you’ll leave again?” you’ve managed to form a longer sentence now, your grip automatically tightening when you spoke of him leaving.

“Forever. I’ll never leave you again.” His hand ran through your hair, and when he brought out bloody fingers because of your injury, he gently pushed you away so he could look into your eyes.

“I never wanted you to experience something like this. I thought that if I left you, they would lose interest in you, and yet the only thing I did was make you completely vulnerable.” As he spoke, your eyes cast downwards to look at his shirt. He brought your attention back to his face when he kissed your brow gently and you looked up in surprise.

“I promise to take care of you from now until you’ll want me. I’ll never let anything happen to you again. If someone as much as touches you, I’ll make sure they’ll regret it.” The determination in his eyes told you he was speaking the truth. A moment later, uncertainty crept through the irises.

“That is, if you still want me.” Normally, you would’ve scoffed, but now, you wound your arms around his neck again and nodded into his shoulder.

You could feel as Kyungsoo wrapped one arm under your knees and lifted you into his embrace, as if you weighed nothing.

“Never leave me again, please.”

“I won’t. I promise.”