#i fear people and i fear not having them too because healthcare is expensive and what if all i need is someone to drive me but i have no on

[nineinchnailsonchalkboard]

.

[sonic-spirit]

Capitalism is ruining the internet. In lots of ways, but today’s grievance:

I just wanted to know if I’m the only trans boy who wants to wear a vaginal plug just around, and enjoy the fullness while just doing things in life. And I’m not, but I had to put up with legions of non-relevant search results and install the Reddit app (I hate Reddit), to end up on a sex toy seller’s page with a review sharing my interest and experience. And that sucks.

The internet, in its essence, is a communication tool connecting people. But that communication is getting more and more degraded as companies chop it up, turn it into a place where we are speculators rather than participants, marks to be sold to, chaff to be processed. “The internet is for porn,” was a silly mantra, but it was also kinda true. The internet had many, many places people had set up to share and talk about the things they found sexy. But more and more, puritanism and Finance are invading and restricting sharing and access. And it’s not even that things are behind paywalls, though that’s also a palpable presence. Credit card processors crack down on NSFW content, and start squeezing sites to restrict what they host to those processors’ stipulations.

And the arguments for why don’t hold water. None of it actually protects anyone, and vulnerable communities are put in more danger, as our very existence is up for “political debate”. Like, sorry, no, we as trans people deserve to be alive, and your restrictions on us receiving healthcare or even being acknowledged as existing around minors are fucking goulish. Disabilities make work/finding a job/keeping a job/financial stability in general difficult to even impossible, and are fucking expensive in the first place, and many disabled individuals turn to sex work. And there’s nothing about sex work that actually makes it more exploitative or demeaning than “regular” work. But demonizing it, making it harder for sex workers to find clients and communicate with one another to help keep each other safe puts them in so much more danger. The fear mongering and pearl clutching around trafficked individuals being coerced into sex work doesn’t help those trafficked victims, in fact it boxes them in and makes them less safe, grants them fewer paths to escape or protection from abuse, AND it presses those who weren’t coerced into tighter corners and worse situations. It gives more strength to pimps, and keeps the money, power, and freedom out of the hands of the people who need it.

And oh, “If I were in a bad Situation, I would simply Not Be a Sex Worker,” except, brainiac, there’s no fuckin social safety net. This garbage capitalist system is working exactly as designed, work or be homeless, work or don’t eat, work or don’t get the medicine you can’t live without, work or just fucking die. Sick? TOO BAD. Injured? TOO BAD. Chronic pain? TOO BAD. “Stop being weak, clearly you deserve to die, if you just can’t cut it.” That’s the message we all hear, loud and clear, every fucking day.

And none if it has to be this way! There is no reason for any of it. We have enough. We have plenty. Literal tons of food tossed into the ocean to keep prices up, while people literally starve. Homes kept absolutely fucking empty at an appalling scale while people live homeless. It’s disgusting, and it’s totally avoidable. All this scarcity is entirely manufactured. We have enough. We have more than enough. And it can be so much better. But we need to tear down the structures keeping us apart, keeping us weak, keeping us tired, and starving, and in fear. Because those structures of power are our enemy. Because whether we fight or are compliant , they’ll kill us either way.

[they-are-a-prolife-autist]

in your post of the tweet from live action it says that procedures like miscarriages amd ectopic pregnancies wont be affected but i just wanted to pop in and say that that is not confirmed at all

here are a few sources;

https://khn.org/news/article/five-things-to-know-now-that-the-supreme-court-has-overturned-roe-v-wade/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/roberthart/2022/06/24/overturning-roe-v-wade-heres-how-itll-impact-reproductive-healthcare---beyond-abortion/

https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/976161

please keep this in mind

i respect you a lot as an individual and i agree with a lot of your points, such as how the neurodivergence or disability of the child shouldnt be a factor in abortions and ESPECIALLY the love and upbringing of the child

i do have some questions if you wouldnt mind answering

what about people who have been raped and will now be forced to carry their assaulter's child?

and what about the children who will be born into families that never wanted them and hate their existence? why should the child have to suffer abuse when there should be a different option?

also you have said a few times that people are "forced" into abortion and i just wanted to say that that is also misinformation

abortion clinics (using planned parenthood as an example here) will do their best to encourage to not have the surgery done, there is so much paperwork that has to go into this procedure and the person has to consent multiple times, they are also allowed to change their mind at any point, if on the day of the surgery, you sit at the surgery table and tell the doctor you have changed your mind, the surgery will not be performed

i also think that you mentioned that abortion is not empowering

that is very true, its a medical procedure that no person wants to get

people are NOT using abortion as a first choice, it is incredibly expensive, so why would someone choose the have a medical procedure over taking birth control? (unless of course you know someone that has and in which case i would be willing to listen)

i mean this with no disrespect to you at all and i hope you can see where i am coming from, i just want to discuss this

Hi! Thanks for your incredibly respectful ask. It’s very refreshing to see a message in my inbox that isn’t someone angry and out for blood! 😅

As far as your sources go I see a few news sites asking questions (and in my opinion, spreading fear and panic rather than facts.) As for the last one I cannot read it as it requires an account. Here is what I do know, there is no bill, law, or regulation that banns or outlaws treatment for abortions or miscarriages on any medical basis or what ethical basis. It doesn't exist. There is no legislation to that effect and there never has been. Treatment for a miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy is not the same procedure as an abortion.

Not once in either of the above links is the word “abortion” used. Why? Because it’s not a deliberate termination it’s a live saving procedure that is only necessary because the unborn child cannot be saved. What we do have are examples of statewide policies on the matter.

As far as your questions, I will always hold that there is no amount of possible future suffering that entitles one human to steal the life of a another. I would ask what your opinions on suicide are, and I pose that we should all agree to prioritize finding the solutions to the problems that make anyones death theoretically preferable to life, rather than protecting a supposed “right” to kill as some means of escape. (Either for yourself or for your unborn.) I myself experienced a life with many circumstances that are used to justify abortion. I was an abused child. I refuse to concede that based on a statistic likelihood of an individual to experience trauma, we should end their life before they experience.

Forced and coerced abortion very much do happen, and in fact happen quite often. You can do a little digging to find the videos people have taken undercover at planned parenthood, as well as the individual stories of many post-abortive moms who recount being pressured into it by family members, communities, and abusers. Here are a few resources.

(From the above link) Why abortion is the Un-choice:

• 64% of women reported feeling pressured to abort.

• Most felt rushed or uncertain, yet 67% weren’t counseled.

• 79% weren’t told of available resources.

• 84% weren’t sufficiently informed before abortion.

• Pressure to abort can escalate to violence.

• Homicide is the leading killer of pregnant women.

• Clinics fail to screen for coercion.

• Women nearly 4 times more likely to die after abortion.

• Suicide rates 6 times higher after abortion.

• 65% of women suffer trauma symptoms after abortion.

As far as no one using abortion as a first choice, I agree to an extent. Abortion is used as a safety net for sex just in case birth control fails. It’s deemed as necessary because of the lack of accommodations to pregnant women in the workplace, schools, etc, as well as the lack of advances in female medicine. Almost everyone wants have sex obviously, but women are disproportionately at risk of having their lives/bodies ruined due to pregnancy so we MUST have abortion to save us from the man-made-and-maintained consequences of our female biology… just in case.

Except for abortion kinks, abortion addicts, and the plethora of people who glorify and celebrate it online. Feel free to Google that. It’s gross.

(Shout your abortion, forbidden gummy bear, fuck them kids blah blah blah.)

[freshwoods]

He is a real person. He was alive and now he’s not.

And it’s unfortunately easy to reconcile that in my head. Because I’ve known people - too many - who have also committed suicide. I personally knew 3 people to take their own lives before I was even 15. Each one of them fucked me up in ways I still haven’t recovered from. At 16, a really good friend of mine’s mother killed herself. Her memory haunts me. In community college, the friend of a friend; in university, a classmate who was around during a pivotal part of my life. Again and again and again, I’ve lost people I’ve cared about. It never stops. The pain doesn’t go away. I’ve been suicidal. Fuck, just a few weeks ago was another downswing that had me the closest I’ve ever been to contemplating the logistics of how I could do it. I understand the mechanics of wanting to die. I understand how some people can be driven to it. I try to tell myself that I never would, but I don’t make promises if I can’t keep them. But I’m angry. So fucking angry. And heartbroken. Because it just keeps happening. And I wonder if mental illness was talked about more, if treatment wasn’t so stigmatized, if it wasn’t so expensive or if people weren’t so obsessed with hiding how they feel just to be conceived as perfect, if it would make a difference. I know myself enough to know that antidepressants saved my life. They actively save my life. I will be on them until the day I die. And it took years - literal years - of trying medications and doses and feeling sick and feeling sick and feeling sick and feeling worse before I found something that worked. It took a toll on my friendships, my relationship at the time, my relationship with my family. I lost so much. But I gained life. At least an extension of it. And that’s living here, in America. With all her flaws. It’s having people in my life I have learned to open up to so that I don’t disappear into the sadness. I won’t criticize another country when I have not experienced the culture, and not when I live in the very problematic USA. But the lack of mental health care. It’s still health care. Health. Mental illness is an illness. The brain is an organ and it is sick. It doesn’t work right. Therapy can help. Medication can help. Why is that such a hard concept? Why is it so impossible for these idols who give and give and give so, so much of themselves to get the care they need in return? No one should have to suffer like that. Not the friends I’ve had who have died. Not the people I maybe didn’t know the best, but whose sudden absence was known and felt. I mourned for them. I still mourn for them. When August comes, I face their ghosts, the old fear that one of my siblings would join them, maybe my mother, maybe my cousin, maybe someone else I’m not expecting. It’s so tiring to by constantly vigilant. I can’t watch TV shows about suicide without being triggered. I can’t read about it in books. So much of my life is spent in avoidance.

But I can’t avoid this. I can’t avoid Moonbin. He is a person. He has family and friends and people who love him and will think about him every day for the rest of their lives. They will miss him. They will mourn. They will grieve. They will grieve. The magnitude of that is sickening. Is heartbreaking. It hurts me in a way I can’t even put words to. It’s not enough to say he will be missed, to send thoughts and prayers. He is gone because people failed him. The healthcare system failed him. His company failed him. The industry failed him. People in positions of power have a responsibility to care for the people under them and he did not get the care he needed. I’m heart-heavy and burdened. And I will mourn. I will grieve. But I will also be angry. I will be livid. I will not forget him, just like I have not forgotten the rest of those in my life. I didn’t know him, not really, no fans did. But to love someone is not to know them. It is simply to cherish their existence. So I will cherish him. Because he is a person who was alive and now is not. He deserves respect and dignity. His friends and family deserve respect and dignity.

Moonbin will be missed. But he will also be incredibly, incredibly loved.

[anyu-blue]

~

Honestly... I know what I’m doing most of the time. It makes me sad, but I don’t really see a way out. I’m tired of my feet swelling to the point of damage after one single day at work... I’m tired of being looked down on for only being able to handle 3 days of work a week (if that).. and for my tolerance ever ebbing away. I’m so tired... not just the weird physical tired I’ve been fighting for absolutely too long that I have neither the patience nor the energy to fight our healthcare system to give any single fuck about... but emotionally.. spiritually, if you will. But what can I do? I don’t have a choice in this.  This is the best paying job I’ve had in a long while.. with work that could almost be called enjoyable. But it hurts... it hurts so much. Yes, this is one of those ‘down’ times in the cycle of chronic pain where I just don’t know how much more I’m willing to take because it just.. hurts. I want to create. I can see my own potential. My desire and drive has returned, if different. But I can’t... because so much of the energy I have left is spent just trying so hard to get through the days at work. I just want to stop. To just sit down and cry. But I can’t do that either. I don’t have the energy or permission from literally anyone else in my life but me to do it. Because sitting down and crying about it is giving up. It is deciding I can’t do it anymore... and I can’t afford that. I can barely afford life now... and if this work disappears... it’s all over. I can’t get an interview literally anywhere else because I can’t handle more than 3 days... or the severe pittance in pay they offer. It’s not enough. I wish... so much.  I know it’s pointless... you can’t expect anything to come from wishing. You have to have the desire and then the power to work for it. To make those wishes something real and tangible.... You’re the only one who can do that for yourself. Sadly.. I wish I could go. And I also don’t wish that at the same time. Because I could make that a reality... but I know everyone regrets trying if they survive.. and perhaps if they go too. Everyone hates it. And the unknown waiting... well that’s just terrifying. What I’m doing is drowning my pain in fantasy and daydreams... in surrounding myself with objects I don’t really care about, but make excuses to care about. It’s all junk... I don’t care... I love that they’re fascinating to some part of my mind.. and still I know I don’t actually care to own them. I hate the clutter. So much. I’m trying to make the pain worth it by trying to find ways to travel... by giving myself experiences too... because those are supposed to make you happy... as few and far between experiences are and can be because, again... I’m barely making enough as it is... I’m just really good at money-ing... so I have extra to spare because I am so careful. It’s not enough that I could justify just suffering through with nothing spent and putting it all away over the years and years to eventually retire... it will never be enough for that. Life just keeps getting more expensive... and this lucky streak may not last forever. Though I am fighting to have it last as long as it can... I’m so terrified of this life we’re forced to live... and worse, I’m so scared because I can’t find a way out. I don’t want to live like this. It’s awful... no one should have to live in this state of constant fear and pain... but I’m told it’s what I deserve. That, yes, actually some people should because obviously they’re not trying hard enough.. or they’re too weak compared to the rest. It’s just your luck and someone has to suffer... may as well be ‘you.’ I don’t see a way out... and no one else (no one that cares anyway) has the answers either. I don’t see a way out.

[spearkarrier]

So on Disney...

I was born and raised in Florida, and #Disney is coming to my hometown and laying flat things that once were conserved by nature laws. Disney has always overshadowed my life. Disney is like a giant looming over you, but you don't completely notice until one day you open your eyes, look up and realize "there's this thing and it has control of parts of your life". I've seen Disney shut down a daycare because they had a character on the wall without paying for licensing. (Why not remove the character? Yeah I know. S'not the point. There was no litigation. It was just shut down. Imagine being a low income parent losing your job because suddenly you had no childcare thanks to Disney. As I've lost a job because of a petty person quitting on me literally in the morning I had to go to work, I can tell you it's devastating.) I myself have had items I make removed because they MIGHT be inspired by the big corporate owned things. Videos copyright struck because, even though the song was public domain, I sang it too well or something. I dunno. So #DeSantis taking away Disney's right to be a sovereign nation in my hometown? You better fucking believe I cheered that on. THEY ARE NOT A POLITICAL ENTITY. THEY ARE A BUSINESS but somehow get more rights then you and I? Disney clapping back? Of course they would. DeSantis clapping back at the clap back? Of course it would happen. This is the action more and more people have been shouting to see: some actual movement towards good changes instead of bitch bitch bitch. No one has won against Disney? At least he's gonna try.

Do you want to know what's fascist? LIVING UNDER A CORPORATE THUMB, BEING TOLD WHAT YOU CAN AND CANNOT SAY, DO, SING, ETC BY BIG TECH. Like Disney. And others. I know because I've always lived in fear of the echoes, and even watched my family fight for our land. I don't understand people who claim to hate fascism gloat and cheer that Disney is going to squash a guy who is standing up against one of the many elements of fascism - that btw was doing it as part of a tax-free ride. Things are a bit more expensive here in Florida - but we don't pay income tax and even have free healthcare (or at least we used to. Grew up on free healthcare. I gotta check to see if that fact still stands.) So making that multi-million corporation pay their fair share? #HELLFUCKINGYES

I like some Disney stuff - the Buzz Lightyear movie was a snore but anyway - but if I can't live here tax free why should this corporation get to do it... and influence the laws that dictate how I live? I don't care if you like him. I don't care if you think he's a twit. That isn't the issue, and it's childish to pretend it is. The issue is that corporations in America were given the same rights as real citizens, and they've been using that (and propaganda) to shape the quality of our lives for the worse for at least a generation if not two. Repeal the laws that give them immunity and see how quickly things change. Vote with your feet while you can. Repeal the laws that don't allow you to. The law has been used against us. I noticed it when I was 12. I don't know why some of you adults can't see it now. #fuckthecorporaterule Also, quit coming to my state. Y'all have the housing here so high I can't buy a home even with preapprovement. Go somewhere else or I'm going to sic the queen of gators on you.

[shreddedparchment]

A Wife for Thor Pt.16

No One

02/04/2021

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader          Word Count: 5,025

Warnings: angst, jealousy, crying, infertility, talk of pregnancy, trouble conceiving, smut, LOTS of fluff

A/N: I’m sorry this one took me a bit to get out. I know y’all tell me not to be sorry but I am still sorry lol I stopped taking my endo meds since I can no longer afford them with no healthcare, I got my period and my endo said FUCK YOU! I was in bed for the entirety of my period with no energy to do anything but lay there and do nothing. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I’ve been excited to get to this chapter and I hope it’s worth the wait. Thank you for any comments or reblogs! xoxo

Thor has never been so eager to get back to New Asgard. Even back in the beginning when Jane had been living with him in those first small houses that they’d built when his new Kingdom was nothing but a distant dream.

Even then, this sensation of yearning had not been so strong.

Every moment away from you has been unbearable. The detour he’d taken after just arriving only increased his desire because if seeing Jane has shown him anything it’s that he has indeed made the right choice.

He really hadn’t doubted it, but it’s nice to know that even with Jane standing inches away from him, his heart had not pounded. His breath had not caught. His fingers had not tingled as they once had in their wish to touch.

Her brown eyes, once beyond beautiful, are indeed still pretty. However, they aren’t yours. Yours that look at him with an innocent admiration. Love pours from them so freely. Eagerly.

You’re not afraid to show him how you feel and it takes his breath away how much you’ve given into loving him.

All he can do is try to return your love with the same fervor. So far he thinks he has been doing the job well.

As he struts forward towards your shared bedroom, he reaches into his cloak, down along his left hip to unhook a small leather satchel bulging with its contents.

Smiling down at what he hopes will be a welcome and pleasing gesture, he makes to open the doors to the room but finds them thrust out towards him.

Instinctively his hand twitches around the satchel, almost throwing his palm out to call his remade hammer, but he resists.

From his bedroom spill two beings. One Asgardian, one human. The doors swing shut behind them.

“Doctor Wilson? Alric?” Thor teeters back onto his right foot, completely surprised to see them. “What brings-?”

Both of them look grave and Thor’s heart hits the pit of his stomach. All of the strength in the universe leaves him in one terrifying instant.

“Is Y/N alright? Is she hurt? Injured? Has something happened?”

In his panic he begins to push through them and they move aside for him but before he can open the doors to get in to see you, Alric reaches out to place his hand on Thor’s shoulder.

“Just our monthly visit, nothing to fret about Your Majesty,” Alric assures him and yet, Thor’s squirming nerves are not put at ease. “Unfortunately things do not look well for an heir as of now.”

“They don’t exactly look bad either, Alric,” Doctor Wilson interjects. “We’re in uncharted territory, Your Majesty. We have to play this as it comes at us. I’m sure with Alric’s help we’ll find a way to make it work.”

Their words at the moment aren’t making any sense to Thor. All he wants is to see you.

“Right…” he says on reflex, but his voice is weak.

His mind on you and only you.

“She is a little melancholy after our news so, perhaps it’s best we let you go see her. Until next month, Your Majesty,” Doctor Wilson gives him a curtsy. “If you need us before then, you have our numbers.”

Alric gives Thor a bow and the two of them march off, Alric lugging a strange metal case along with him.

With nothing to hold him back now, Thor pulls the doors open and hurries inside.

He scans the room from the left to the right, expecting you in the bathroom but you aren’t there. Several of the doors to the balcony are open letting in a much warmer breeze than this morning but still very cool.

Thor finally spots you sitting at your vanity, your hand pressed to the inside of your elbow as you hold a small cotton ball against the point at which one of your doctors probably drew some blood.

Even that tiny sting of a needle piercing your beautiful skin makes his heart ache. Any pain you feel is his own and he can’t believe he forgot what today was.

“Cherub?”

You don’t look at him and instead keep your hand pressed tightly, fingers moving in slow and small circles.

He can’t see your face from here. You’re turned away, sitting with your gaze trained on the balcony doors closest to your vanity.

Thor can’t take you not looking at him. He sets his satchel on the chaise at the end of the bed and when he reaches your left side, he squats down so that he can look up at you, his right hand taking gentle hold under your left bicep. His left hand he places over your right one, pressed against the inside of your left elbow.

“I’m sorry about today. I forgot they were coming for your tests,” Thor confesses, feeling so guilty he could leap from the balcony and welcome the pain of any bones he might break.

The silence is heavy and he thinks he might really be in for it and opens his mouth to plead for your forgiveness when you give him relief, “So did I.”

He breathes in deeply and with a wave of relief releases his worries in a gust of air.

“Alric said that things did not look good. You’re not with child?”

Even though he knows, he still needs to hear you say it. He wants to know what you’re thinking to make whatever is making your face look so sad go away.

He takes his right hand and runs it along your lower back instead, rubbing in what he hopes is a soothing way.

Finally, you turn your head towards your vanity and he can see more of your heartbreaking expression. He hasn’t seen that loss of hope in your beautiful face since the night you begged him not to make a fool of you just before dinner on a night that feels a lifetime away.

“No, it-it wasn’t a no. The test was inconclusive.”

“Inconclusive? So, what does that mean? Does that mean they don’t know?” Thor asks, confusion twisting his handsome face.

“No, it just means that the test didn’t come back in any way that they could read it. We’re not exactly the same species even if we are compatible physically, we don’t know if we can even get pregnant. They took more of my blood and are going to do the test with more reliable equipment.

“They’ll call when they know something,” you sigh heavily, leaning back against your seat and trapping his hand between it and your body.

Thor tries to think of what he can say to make you feel better. What can he do?

And then what he has to say doesn’t matter as you turn to meet his gaze with your own full of betrayal and suspicion.

When your mouth parts, your words freeze him and his brain short circuits.

“I saw you with Jane earlier on the tower, Thor. I’m sorry but I-I thought you were going to come find me as soon as you got back, not your ex.”

You take a deep breath and Thor watches as your nerves spill forward, your lips trembling as you slowly exhale and all of your fears shine out through the depths of your eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Why are you crying, cherub?” Thor gushes, pulling his hand from your back to turn your seat to face him.

He cups both sides of your face, his large thumbs wiping away at the tears that spring forward.

It had seriously messed with you to see him and Jane so happy and close earlier. And then the tests and Doctor Alric and Doctor Wilson had no idea what was wrong with them so that was stressing you out.

All of your jealousy and frustration pours out of you suddenly. So fast and so unrelenting that with just this small bit of affection from Thor makes you shut your eyes tight as you sob two-three times.

“Y/N...no, my love, please. Don’t cry,” Thor begs, his own throat tight as he pulls you towards him.

You let him hold you because as insecure as you feel, as upset as this morning has made you, his love still feels real. The softness in his voice doesn’t sound fake and as much as he is the source of one of the aches in your chest, he’s your comfort now too.

How fucked up is that?!

He caresses the back of your head as you bury it against his shoulder, slumped down a little because of how low he is in his squat.

His other arm is wrapped all the way around you, firm. Possessive and eager to make you feel better. Can you trust this display?

Until this morning you had no reason to doubt it.

“We will have our baby soon, I know it. I can feel it. I’m not only the God of Thunder, you know? Trust me, cherub. I know these things. We’ll have our little one before you know it.”

He sounds so confident, so sure. He’s lost that tightness in his throat a little and he pushes you back so that he can look into your eyes, quickly wiping away at the saltwater stains on your cheeks.

“As for your former worry, I went to the tower because the lights were on. I wasn’t sure who was there so I simply went to check. I wasn’t expecting Jane out of all the people it could have possibly been.

“I’d hoped it was you, finally making use of the tower for your own office to write or perhaps your own personal library?” Thor’s instincts on what you might want a private space to be.

You suddenly feel foolish for doubting him for even a second. It makes you cry again, and you bury your face in your hands.

“No, my love, please don’t cry anymore,” he continues to beg. “Look, I’ve brought you a gift.”

He gets up suddenly and moves towards the package he’d been carrying when he came in. It wasn’t large. About the size of a shoebox.

“I thought of you when I was passing over Paris on my way home. You can eat them all at once or slowly, whichever you prefer,” He flips open the leather satchel and from inside pulls a thick and shiny rust colored box with a satin brown ribbon that delicately holds it closed.

It looks expensive and he doesn’t wait for you to take it since you’re too busy wiping at your cheeks and sniffling to grab it. He pushes the ribbon off of the box then removes the lid and places it underneath while tossing the ribbon onto your vanity.

“I’m not sure what each of them is, but you don’t have to eat the ones you don’t like. I’ll eat them for you,” he pushes fancy gold tissue paper aside to expose the contents within.

Inside the box is a tray of twenty-four chocolate pieces. Some of them have designs painted on them with what is more likely more chocolate in bright colors and patterns. Other pieces look to be decorated in plain chocolate with small embossed hearts, triangles, or teeny tiny bows.

The box is too thick for this to be all there is, so you’re pretty sure there are two trays of chocolates.

“Do you like them?” Thor checks, his voice light and rising at the end gently almost as if he’s talking to a small child which maybe should offend you?

But it doesn’t because you know that’s not what he means by the tone he’s using. He’s being as gentle with you as he can in your moment of sad anxiety and you love him so much for it.

“They’re so pretty…” you hiccup, wishing you weren’t so emotional and crying all over his lovely gift.

“That’s not all,” he tells you, putting the chocolates on your vanity to free up his hands to reach into his satchel again.

You quickly cover the chocolates, pushing the ribbon around the sleek container before they can be ruined.

Thor tosses the satchel onto the chaise with a flick of his wrist but draws your attention to him when he places another box on your lap. This one is much smaller, but wide and square.

“Happy two months of marriage, cherub,” Thor says softly, then carefully lifts the lid of his second gift.

Nestled within lush purple velvet is a beautiful platinum chain, thin, short so that the gorgeous lotus flower with your birthstone gem settled at its very center will sit just below your collarbone.

“It’s so beautiful, Thor.”

All of a sudden you’re crying again.

Thor smiles and rises again, taking the necklace from inside the box which he tosses onto the chaise too before moving around behind you to slip the necklace around your neck.

You reach up to place your fingers on the pretty flower, sniffling and trying not to make your crying too vocal but a sob or two slips out.

Thor moves back around you and takes a long look at your mess of a face before he takes your hand and pulls you to your feet, “Come here, love.”

He waits for you to stand then takes your spot on your seat but then leads you down onto his lap.

Reaching up with his hand, he gives the back of your neck a squeeze while his other hand finds a resting spot on your thigh.

“Is it Jane still upsetting you?” he guesses.

You nod, unwilling to say it aloud.

“Why? What exactly is it that’s troubling you?”

He genuinely doesn’t seem to understand. While he might understand your nerves about her, the reason you’re still crying is lost on him.

You don’t want to say, but Thor bounces you a little in his lap, taking his hand to caress the side of your face and hold your gaze.

“Nothing you can say will make me love you any less.” A promise.

“When I saw you two this morning, you just looked so h-happy,” your lip quivers. “You looked happy. Pleased. You were smiling that one smile that’s only supposed to be mine.”

For some reason Thor’s chest puffs up a little, a proud fix to his chin as he reaches up to grab yours and give your head a little shake.

“It is all yours, cherub. I am completely yours. I was so happy when I was with Jane this morning because I felt nothing of what I’d once felt for her. I had no stuttering in my heart, no butterflies in my belly. I wasn’t taken by her eyes or tempted by her lips.”

“Alright, I get the picture,” you grumble, hating everything he’s describing even though you know he’s telling you that he wasn’t feeling any of it.

He chuckles, bringing his hand down to rest on your hip.

“I was happy because Jane is no longer the source of all of that for me. You are. All meeting her so unexpectedly proved is that I am more in love with you than I ever thought I could be. You were my arranged match. The most I had ever expected was friendship. And when that turned into more, I wondered if it could really be more than what I ever felt for Jane and it is.

“Jane was always a dear love but you are family. It’s only been a short time since we married but you are more my love than Jane ever was. You’re my cherub!”

He doesn’t wait for you to recover from his little speech. He hooks his hand behind your neck and pulls you down for a kiss.

It quickly changes and shifts and the lonely night you’d spent tense and worried, missing him, explodes you onto him. You’re both a frenzy of movement, Thor ripping away at his armor until he’s in the plain dark undershirt and a very small pair of black briefs.

You’re about to push him onto your bed when he suddenly grabs you and tosses you around his massive body and onto the bed to bounce as you land with a gasp.

He shoves his briefs down, still kicking them away as he steps towards you and gathers the long skirts of your dress higher and higher around your hips.

“Thor…” you whisper, a gasp of anticipation which drives him a little wild as he yanks you closer to the edge of the bed and thrusts into you with a shaky groan.

He goes still for a moment, hooking his hands around your thighs more securely. He bottoms out, sheathing his cock within you until you reach down to scratch at the bottom of his shirt then his hands as you fall back against the bed.

“Please,” you plead and he quickly obliges.

He pumps into you, filling you to the brim with no intention of ever stopping.

~~~~~~~~~~

You and Thor eventually come out of your room. You dressed in your carefully chosen dress and Thor a little less regal in a pair of crisp dark jeans, and layered up in a green sweater over a blue button up collar shirt over a plain white t-shirt.

Honestly though, even in his slightly more casual ensemble, Thor screams royalty. He’s so beautiful.

Both of you giggling like giddy kids, he pulls you closer and loops your arm through his.

It makes you happy that he likes you close by. He proves it now as he leans down to whisper so that only you can hear him as the palace staff moves about cleaning and fixing up the rooms that have been used throughout the day.

“I’m a little glad you’ve decided not to use the tower for a workspace.” Thor confesses.

“How come?” you wonder, turning your face to look at him, genuinely curious as to the change of mind. He’d been so insistent before about you having your own personal space to work in peace where no one could bother you and you didn’t have to give up writing your stories even if you were now Queen of New Asgard.

“I don’t know if I could stand having you that far away from me. Our night apart has only driven that home for me. I want you always at my side.”

His sentiment is sweet and you stop to turn and face him, reaching up to place your hands on his bearded cheeks to smoosh them because he’s so damn adorable. He’s massive so you have to push yourself up, lifting your heels a little to do so comfortably.

“Do you have any idea how incredibly lovable that makes you?” you ask.

He smiles despite you morphing his face, beaming down at you with a look that must mean he loves you. Everything he says has to be true. The more you think about it, the more you realize that your jealousy, while founded, doesn’t make any sense now that you’re married.

Not after everything the two of you have shared and been through. Not after all the time you’ve spent building this foundation with him. 

“Quite a lot more than I was before?” he guesses. “Only, maybe not when I go to the bathroom?”

Through your smile you tilt your head to the side a little, confused by his amendment to his desires.

“Why?” What difference does it make?

He drops his voice to a whisper and leans down a little closer to you, “Sometimes I have smelly poops.”

You’re not expecting that and throw your head back as a loud unfiltered laugh rips through you. The movement pulls you down flat onto your feet but Thor catches you with one arm around your waist to pull you back up onto your toes and against his hard body.

He’s laughing too as he dips down and kisses your laughing mouth, silencing you a little so that it’s only air slipping through your lips as you kiss him back.

It’s just a long held peck. He’s relishing in the feel of your lips against his as your body shakes with more laughter.

Still laughing with you, Thor pulls back and gripes, “Stop laughing and kiss me!”

You drop your head against his chest as you keep laughing, unable to help it because the cuteness of him being self-conscious about his smelly poops is too much for you to handle.

Especially considering that you’ve both already been in the bathroom together when the other is using the toilet.

He loosens his arm around your waist so that you fall down a little further but keeps his hand resting on the small of your back while the other hand he places on the back of your head, caressing it as you chuckle weakly from laughing so much.

The sound of a clearing throat brings both your heads turning to the end of the hallway.

Your visiting trio stand there, Tony smirking, Bruce smiling shyly, Jane averts her eyes.

“Uh, get a room?” Tony suggests, but you can tell from his tone that he’s only teasing.

“Where do you think we’ve been all morning?” Thor grins, readjusting with you to hook your arm on his elbow before leading you towards your guests.

“So that’s what those screams were,” Tony counters.

Thor wiggles his eyebrows at them but your neck burns and your mouth pops open in surprise and embarrassment.

You start to fret, hands fluttering up towards your new necklace as you look from Tony to Jane, who’s looking at her shoes, to Bruce who is smiling with his own laughter in his eyes.

“Was I-? I didn’t mean to-! Thor, I didn’t know that I was being-” your panic is real and your heart is thrumming a million miles an hour.

“He’s teasing you, cherub, don’t worry,” Thor assures you, dropping your arm from his elbow to wrap his own arm around your waist to pull you into his side again.

You turn to Tony and he’s laughing a little. Not maliciously, just purely entertained by your reaction.

“I-a joke?” you ask him, still uncertain.

“Sorry,” Tony says, nodding. “Just a joke.”

You swallow hard, trying to settle your heartbeat.

Thor kisses your head and like a switch is flipped, all of them shift into work mode.

“Have you started installing the security system?” Thor asks Tony and all together the five of you move down into the lowest level of the palace which actually happens to be a dungeon?

You’re not really listening to their conversation as you move with them, still flustered about you possibly letting all of your sex noises reverberate through the halls of the palace for everyone to hear, but when you reach a large vault-like door, you start to focus again.

As the heavy door slides open like part of some futuristic spaceship, you’re thrown into a large room about the size of the throne room where you’d had your wedding reception only it looks nothing like the rest of the palace.

This place looks more like the Avengers compound. High-tech stations line the walls, large monitors with readings you don’t understand and camera footage from places you recognize from around New Asgard and the palace itself.

There’s a full crew working all of the stations, Asgardians and humans, all of them wearing the same charcoal gray uniforms, splashes of gold and red like Thor’s cape on their shoulders and chests.

As you and Thor enter, they stop what they’re doing to stand at attention, bowing to both of you as Thor leads you to the center of the room where a large stone table is set with schematics of plans that you don’t understand.

Tony moves over to them and starts to sift through the many scrolls all laid out for viewing while Thor nods to the crew.

“At ease, my friends.”

He’s so nice. The crew fall back into their respective jobs.

One of them moves towards a large screen against the wall, a TV you realize, playing different news footage from all over the world.

He flips to another channel and you pull away from Thor to walk and stand beside the crewman who stands taller once you’re beside him.

He turns to you and gives you a quick bow, “Your Majesty.”

Turning to him, you smile and then look back at the screen, “To monitor any weird things happening around Earth?”

“Yes, m’am,” he asserts then flips the channel again.

This time it’s a documentary style report, you see a familiar scene. New York in shambles as Iron Man, Hawkeye, Black Widow, the Hulk, Captain America, and your Thor fight off the invading Chitauri.

Slowly another body settles beside you, its warmth drawing your attention to it.

“I still remember that day, sort of,” Bruce says gently, his voice always so easy and calm.

It’s hard to believe he can turn into the giant Hulk in seconds.

“Was it scary?”

“Sort of. I think for me, I was just worried that Hulk would hurt someone other than the aliens. But by then I think he understood what side we were on.” Bruce nods.

“But, aren’t you the Hulk?” His words confuse you a little.

“Well, yeah, but also no. He’s like another half of me? If that makes sense? I haven’t worked out how to combine both sides yet. I’m there, I’m just...it’s like someone takes who you are and reduces you to your most basic instincts.

“We’re almost like two different people but we’re also the same person. I’m working on understanding our connection better. Underneath the Hulk, I’m still me. I’m still there I think. I’m just trapped for some reason.”

The two of you watch the screen in silence for a moment then Thor shows up, blasting the Chitauri with his lightning. He looks a little different because he has both eyes and his hair!

“Thor had long hair,” you realize, gushing a little.

“Did I look better with long hair?” his deep voice slips into your right ear and you jump not having been expecting it.

“Not better,” you promise him, smiling at him before turning your eyes back on the TV. “Just different. It suits you.”

“Should I grow it back?”

With excitement, you turn to face him and he chuckles at whatever look you have in your eyes, “Would you? Wouldn’t it bother you?”

“If it will make you look at me the way you’ve been staring at me on that television, I will go out and buy a wig.”

You laugh and Thor leans down to give you a quick peck.

“It’s that time of year I guess,” Tony says, sliding over to stand on Bruce’s other side where Jane is already standing having moved over at some point.

She still hasn’t said anything.

“What time of year?” You wonder.

“Oh, in Spring they always start to play footage on some of the news channels about Loki’s party days in New York. Some type of anniversary celebration or something? Only it’s more like a wake.”

“It’s a memorium,” you realize, then look at Thor who seems to sense your upset.

He wraps his arm around you and settles in beside you, kissing the top of your head again.

“Where is Loki?” you ask him, frowning with worry and wondering if it must upset him to have one of his biggest mistakes thrown in his face for weeks.

“He’s tending to business with the guard. He’ll come find us when he’s finished,” Thor promises.

After a tense moment, Tony claps his hands and then pats Bruce’s shoulder, “Shall we? Pepper wants me home by Friday so that we can explore the wonderful art of tantric massage.”

As Bruce turns to follow Tony back to the center table where a new console computer has come from a panel at the center you hadn’t noticed, he gives him a skeptical look.

“Pepper? Are you sure it isn’t you pushing the tantric massage?” Bruce sounds like he already knows the answer.

Tony shrugs, “I’m not the bossy anymore.”

You look back at the TV, your worry only spiking at the thought of Loki coming down here and finding all of you watching.

“Change it to something else,” you tell the crewman. “Make sure no one puts it on that channel again.”

“Yes, m’am,” he bows his head in obedience and quickly changes the channel while moving to a small box hooked up to it where a small screen comes out and he quickly goes about pressing buttons hopefully blocking any and all sources of that footage so that Loki doesn’t accidentally have his face shoved into his past.

“Don’t worry, my cherub. Loki is well aware of what the Earth grieves at this time of year. He won’t be blindsided by it.”

“I still don’t like it,” you insist, unable to shake the frown from your face.

“Thor?” Jane’s voice interrupts you both softly.

He looks at her and you give her a glance before turning to look at the news reports on the TV.

“I’m gonna need one of these mainframes for the telescope. Which one can I take?”

“Right,” Thor nods, “Of course. Let’s find you a place to work.”

Before he leaves you he leans in and kisses the side of your head again, squeezing your hip before he moves with Jane away towards the many workstations in the very large room.

After getting everything sorted out this morning, your heart doesn’t even sway towards jealousy and even though you’re worried about Loki, you breathe a sigh of relief that your realization about Thor’s loyalty has really engrained itself into you.

He loves you and nothing will change that. Even as they laugh somewhere behind you, your confidence doesn’t waver.

You reach up and touch the lotus on your necklace, a shining reminder of Thor missing you on his very first night away from you since your wedding.

You’re sure now that no one will ever come between you and Thor.

No one.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Do… do all your followers really believe that doctors will go into hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt for med school, study their assess off for 4 years on topics that the “I can’t do basic math” crowd would never be able to comprehend, work 80 hours a week for 4 years of residency, only to purposefully and intentionally harm their patients? Yes, sociopathic doctors exist out there, but the majority of healthcare workers aren’t consistently planning on various ways to harm their patients, dudes.

I don't know what all my followers believe. The thing about doctors, though, is that even before covid and all this bullshit being a doctor was very appealing to certain types of personalities. Lots of doctors have superiority complexes and get off on having control over life and death. Others are in it for the money. Others genuinely want to help. Doctors aren't magically good people because it take a lot of work to become a doctor. and like any profession, it's made up of individuals that have opinions and political beliefs and sometimes those opinions and beliefs are terrible. Saying that the majority of doctors are good people because it takes years of study and expensive degrees to become one is kind of like saying most politicians are good people because it's really hard and takes a lot of money to get elected, or that CEOs are good people because it takes a lot of work to become a CEO. And it's not that doctors are planning to harm their patients. it's that they're so invested in protecting the narrative that they will dismiss alternate treatments or push vaccines because that's what their ideological leaders told them to do. That's the fear. And I've read too many stories about doctors being shitlords during covid to ever fully trust a doctor without building a long term doctor-patient relationship with them.

But yes, it's important to remember that not all doctors are Like That. Just like not all cops are racist murderers or jackboots for a tyrannical state. Just like not all billionaires are evil puppet masters for the new world order.

[sins-and-hubris]

pls good sir, I'm starving for some camboy Lurien AU (also I'm sprry if this ask got sent twice Dx)

jkshdfbg no worries! Sorry for the delay, I had to dig through my discord messages to find where I talked about it

So basic rundown on the camboy Lurien AU:

-Lurien's pining for PK but is comfortable in his love being unrequieted so he decides to manage his fantasies like an actual responsible adult instead of ignoring them in the hope that they'll magically go away (aka he buys himself toys to take the edge off of heats and general longing)

-Then he decides to go 'eh fuck it, I'll stream to not feel lonely and to get extra bucks for all these paints' bc as loaded as he is, he usually ends up throwing a bunch of his geo into repair costs/support payments for people in the City, so his salary doesn't cover some batshit expensive colours he wants. (note here: Hallownest is p. much the same but with extra tech advancements so camboys are a thing, maybe they have magical computertech formed with pale ore and crystals mined from the peaks). Plus his fear of being watched means he has a bit of an exhibionist kink, which helps take his mind off of the painful pining he sometimes experiences when he's horny

-The porn industry is an actual legit job here btw, there's healthcare and everything. Lurien's just doing this as a side hobby for extra bucks, so he's baffled when this whole thing goes from being just something he does for stress relief to him becoming like the second most popular pornstar after flukemarm (who does mainstream stuff and is. weird). His pornstar self is basically his superman alter ego where nobody knows its him but everyone wants to know who tf the pretty camboy is, partially because he's a butterfly (which is rare to Hallownest), and partially because he has some pretty artistic tastes in sex, so his streams are usually very aesthetically pleasing

-Also Lurien wears a different mask and paints his wings/wears thigh high socks to remain unidentifiable, bc butterfly wing markings tell wayyy too much and his biological third eye is way too distinct. The fake mask has none of the protective spells of an actual Hallownest mask and doesn't cover his actual eyes very well but it does hide his third eye so its basically a case of like. The superhero guy looking the exact same but people only recognize him without glasses

-Only PK and WL know who he is, and thats after they stumbled across his page by accident one day when they were trying to figure out the internet. Both immediately recognized him, went 'oh he's perfect for this, good for him,' and after a little bit of curious watching, PK got....invested, much to WL's amusement. Shenanigans ensues

-And by shenanigans I mean that PK doesn't actually come forth and starts courting him directly after Lurien's streams catch his attention, he instead meticulously crafts an untrackable account and sends him fat geo tips with suggestions in the heat of the moment without actually coming forward and telling him that he found his pornography sidejob. It's not like it's affecting Lurien's efficiency at being a Watcher or anything (if anything it improves it), so he figures that it's best to just not talk to him about it, all while remaining completely oblivious to his own feelings.

-Lurien has no idea who tf he is or why this hot rich dude keeps requesting double penetration and PK has to keep a stoic face when people question him what plan he's working on that's important enough to deplete the royal treasury

-Lurien's known specifically for his aesthetic choices in dicks (which tend to be rather large bc most dildos available in Hallownest don't have the pronounced ridges needed to stimulate the g-spot on butterflies, so large = more friction and pleasure for him), his tendency to be kinda shy and reverent and honest, as well as his ability to incorporate sort of gentle fantasy roleplaying into things which makes him p. popular. He's turned it into more of an art form and is kinda like the polar opposite to Flukemarm's Powerhouse of Fuck, as I've said earlier. That paired with him being a rare species means he gets a lot more attention than he normally would otherwise.

-He'd also probs stay for a couple moments after streams to chat to quell the post-nut loneliness, which makes him even more popular. This doesn't really endanger him being found out, as no one ever actually speaks to him in person and his voice is sort of quiet and unremarkable when he's not trying to govern a city, so only PK, WL, and maybe Monomon or Herrah would recognize him

-Lurien's like. The aesthetic yet honest fuck. People treat his videos like they would treat a fine wine. He has no idea what to think of it and it's honestly really awkward for him because people will chat about him around the watercooler at work and he has to just kinda deal with it, all while internally screaming whenever PK walks by because he's terrified he'll find out about his sexy alter ego, while PK's just trying to act normal around him so that he doesn't tip Lurien off on him KNOWING he does sex work

-So basically Lurien and PK are still doing their whole job of running things in the city while not talking to each other or giving a single indication of what's going on; WL is immensely grateful she works in the social/agricultural/spiritual sections bc watching Lurien subtly flare his wings and PK unconsciously trying to court would be like offering a persian mother a whole collection of soap operas to watch during work

-Lurien: as you can see, my lord, with your permission I plan to put the Soul Master on trial for several counts of kidnapping, bugslaughter, medical malpractice

-PK, staring at Lurien's ass and not listening to a damn word he's saying: mm.

[tin-can-iron-man]

Now this is going to sound weird and cruel and if I was a better writer I would propose this satirically a la "a modest proposal" (because I do not condone actual animal violence so this is an extreme example) but hear me out on this:

You know what make every person who decides things for this country (America) required to own a pet (cat, dog, rabbit, bird, maybe a fish but like a high maintenance fish, etc) and apply the minimum wage and healthcare to their pets. They are not allowed to spend any more than minimum wage for their pet (which for a 40hr work week at 7.25 is barely over 1,000 a month btw.). They are not allowed to dip into any other money for them. Any medical emergencies have to be paid in full by that money no matter how expensive it actually is (if little fifi has to pay for a $20,000 surgery, well, fuck! Fifi doesn't have any insurance because her minimum wage job does not cover it and healthcare is clearly reasonably priced in this country for anyone (sarcasm)). (Btw, for anyone who thinks $1000 is too much to spend per month on a dog, cat, or other (I don't know I don't have a pet I don't know how expensive they are) at least $500 will be taken away from this fund per month for "rent". So really they only have about $500 for their pets food and other needs). Fifi gets pregnant and complications arise that put your pudsy woodsers life in danger? Sorry, you voted to overturn accessable abortions and so they are going to have to carry to term no matter how dangerous, painful, devastating or life threatening it is to your fluffy lil baby. Every lawmaker would become blatant, obvious animal abusers in months because they simply do not have the money to take care of their pets needs with the budget and restrictions they have. They can apply for "welfare" and get an extra $100 per month because of it but your pet gets taken off of it randomly and it is harder every time to reapply for it. If they get babies you now have to budget their needs with the same amount of income.

If they're going to treat actual human beings this horribly show them the pain and suffering they cause through something that lives in their house. These people are something their pets should be capable to rely on and trust. And when they don't make changes to how this country is run they constantly fail, betray, and let them down every day. The only ways they can improve their pets lives is if they pass laws to improve basic rights in this country, if they quit, the pet will simply be given to the successor of their position. I want them to face the cold hard reality of the suffering they cause with every whine, meow, and squeak of pain, fear, and sorrow. Knowing full well that they and their ideals are the cause. I don't know I think it would work better than a petition is all.

Also if you're a supreme court justice you have to adopt a special needs animal. Also nobody is allowed to help you in any way with caring for your pet. Especially financially.

Because the government is something that the people are supposed to be able to rely on and trust, and in this country the government constantly fails, betrays and lets us down every day. I want them to face the cold hard truth of the suffering they cause with every shitty decision they make. Or allow to happen.

By the way: I am aware of the...implications that saying "people are pets and the government is the owner" is fucked up and sounds bad but the government is capable, in fact, it should be their obligation, to better their country and people's quality of life. And if they do not do so then they're a shitty, abusive, neglectful government. Much like a shitty dog/cat/whatever owner. I am not attempting to compare people in need to animals, but compare our government as the cause and the abusers in this situation.

[terfetuloa]

I recently 'peaked' and started doing feel how you do about libfeminism too. I still struggle with this fear that I'm buying into some kinda fascist rhetoric (even though there's no evidence for that) but it makes me happy that there's a community on here of women, many lesbians and woc, who are speaking their mind freely

Hey anon! Beforehand, lemme apologize for replying to you this late, the past days were a bit hectic for me. I sincerely hope for this reply to reach you somehow. 

I'm glad you peaked! It's a hard and confusing process, mixed with disappointment over lots of stuff you've done before 'waking up' and towards people and discourses around you that consider your new opinions as something too extreme, hateful, or even devoid of serious analysis (as if you're just an irrational hateful person who can't think straight). When I first started to question my beliefs regarding gender ideology and trans rhetoric my immediate response to my doubts was to tell myself that I wasn’t a bad person. 

When you're systematically conditioned to hate the evil terfs and to shudder at the mention of radical feminism and terms alike, it's hard to get rid of this impression once you start to realize you're probably one of the evil terves. I had feelings along the lines of "I'm probably leaning towards radfem, but I'm not like them, I can be gender-critical and be a good person". See the problem? Lots of women full of doubts will never approach radical feminism and gender-critical concepts because it's rooted on their very core that said ideas are essentially evil, regressive, even fascist. 

I understand your fears, but after months interacting with radfems and TRAs I can assure you I never saw any radical feminist advocating for trans people to lose civil rights (like healthcare, housing, a job) or sending them rape and death threats, orchestrating campaigns for them to lose their jobs and to boycott their business... While all of this was already done by TRAs against women. As I said in my pinned post, I believe that there are trans people minding their own business, trying to live their best lives without claiming rights at the expense of female sex-based rights. But trans ideology on its political aspect is harmful. Harmful to women as their politics deny them their female-only spaces (like shelters, bathrooms, sports), erase language concerning female reality (by saying "people who menstruate", "people with wombs", "people with vulvas"), by hurting children, especially gender non-conforming young girls (by reinforcing the idea they have to get hysterectomies/mastectomies, puberty blockers that will ruin their physical development, testosterone with its everlasting effects)... 

I see trans ideology as a selfish liberal agenda that only reinforces the ties within which patriarchy holds women submissive. Try to ask a trans activist about what's a woman and be ready to listen 1) circular definitions (a woman is a woman), 2) stereotypical aspects of femininity as equivalent to womanhood (women are fragile, delicate, they like pink and makeup), 3) the "lady brain" argument (neurosexism), 4) the transcendental argument (a woman is a feeling)... And we know that's not why we're women. We're women because we're adult human females. The material reality of my body explains why I was socialized a certain way, why I'm the target of some specific forms of violence. Yes, across cultures gender roles change and the perceptions of what "looks like" a woman or a man too. But the material reality of what is a woman and a man doesn't change.

What makes me a woman is the same thing that defines what's a woman in Sri Lanka, Ghana, Austria, or even in an isolated indigenous tribe in the middle of Bolivia. You know this, everybody knows this, even those too delusional to raise the trans flag know this. If they didn't they wouldn't be so eager to crucify women daring to say the truth, desperately trying to change the meaning or words, and coercively trying to change reality. To call out a woman for stating facts about her material reality accusing her of being a bigot, someone equivalent to a nazi is PURE MISOGYNY. Most of the time you don't even have to say "trans women are men" to receive your Evil Terf badge. You just have to say "women menstruate" or anything related to your experiences as a female. And the backlash is HUGE. So, who are the fascists here? Not the women raising their voices against a male-centered movement trying to pass as an oppressed minority whose tormentors are "privileged cis" women. 

So don't feel afraid, you're not aligning yourself with a fascist movement. It's hard to act based upon what we feel in a world where critical women are haunted down like witches (side note: curious how "oppressed queer people" have such power under capitalism, right?), but you can try to see if you're lucky enough to have any of your irl friends agreeing with you, you can go anonymous and ask questions, you can create a side blog and make new friends... There are lots of smart women here to listen to your questions and share their experiences. Eventually, your fear will pass and you'll find yourself. Be safe, anon.

[lovelyirony]

hey girlie! so i have another prompt! i would really like your take on the avengers first few weeks/months/year together and how things changed and how they learned to really trust each other and the different, perhaps unexpected, bonds that grew! just some fun almost 2012-esque fluff uwu? (but if you made it angst, i would not complain. you do you) thank you!

Tony took one look at Fury. 

“No.” 

“Stark, where the hell else are they gonna go?” 

“Idaho!” Tony says. “Hulk can leap a ton, he’ll get to New York in about ten minutes with all of them hanging off his back. It’ll be fine.” 

Director Fury wants to use Tony’s place of residence as a way to hold the Avengers. As if Tony is just this Amazing, Fantastic Man Who Can Definitely Hold the Avengers in a Building. 

He calls Pepper because he knows that they’ll show up. He needs reinforced glass and he needs to start testing just how well his coffee machine can hold up, or if he needs to build an entirely new one. 

He probably needs a new one. 

Rhodey, understandably, is a bit pissed. 

“What, so Fury just decided ‘haha fuck you take these poor souls in’?” Rhodey asks. Tony sighs, flopping down on the couch. 

“Essentially, yes. Because apparently, I have better resources to contain them.” 

“Military spends over six hundred billion for their budget alone, and SHIELD really thinks you’re the only one who has resources?” 

“I’m the only one sharing them,” Tony says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Do you think that they need healthcare? Steve might need healthcare, I’m not even sure if the serum would allow that…” 

“You are not giving them healthcare, I don’t care how nice you are,” Rhodey says. “They can do it themselves since they’re ruining fruit pizza night.” 

Fuck. 

- 

Clint is shouldering one duffle bag, another bag that he’s trying to keep still, and looking at Natasha, who is staring up at the garish “A” that was put back up after the fight. 

“You think this’ll be fine?” Clint asks. 

“No.” And just like that, Natasha walks in, like this has always been her home. 

The elevator is weird. Clint’s not used to a functional elevator, and realizes that he’ll have to add arm workouts because he won’t have to pry himself from the elevator doors anymore. 

He doesn’t know where the gym is. He also doesn’t know how seriously Tony takes coffee. 

- 

Steve is…well they told him that he has a room available at Stark Tower, but he’s not entirely sure that he should go. 

The apartment in Brooklyn is just fine, even if the rent is too damn expensive. It’s a shoe box of a place, but as long as he can have a bed and a window he’s fine. 

“You’re so sad,” Natasha says to him on the phone. He appreciates texting, but it seems that everyone thinks his poor 1940s sensibilities are still ingrained. To some aspect they are, but he also realized that looking at videos of people falling for twenty minutes is hilarious. Everyone else thinks he’s doing something else. He is not. 

But he doesn’t want to move. He just got here. And he keeps talking to people who aren’t there. 

(He asked Bucky if he still wanted bacon that morning. 

He’s not there.) 

Fury insists on it. 

“You’re under SHIELD,” he says. “And besides, it’ll be good for Stark to finally have someone who’s on his…level.” 

“What do you mean by that, Sir?” 

“He has an ego. Needs to be taken down a few pegs.” 

Steve nods. He’s not completely sure that he agrees with that. Tony flew under giant jet propellers, flew into the sky for what needed to be done. It was death, he knew that. 

(Oh, he knew it a bit too well. Sent ice down his spine as a reminder for how well he knows it.) 

But he grabs his things because he’s anything if not a good rule-follower, according to history. 

He just leaves a bit of a mess for Fury to deal with in the form of “oh, those gosh-darn-new-fangled washing machines! I don’t know what I did. I put spaghetti sauce in the dish detergent area I thought that’s where extra food went!” 

Steve knows for a damn fact that that’s not where food goes. He just likes letting them know that he’s not some “how high do I jump, Sir?” kind of guy. 

He stares up at the big, ugly tower. Well…here goes nothing. 

- 

Thor was actually pretty okay with sleeping on a couch. He was not expecting a bedroom of his own, so when Tony told him? 

Thor hugs him. 

“Thank you,” he says, smiling. “Your kindness stretches for miles.” 

“Um…you’re welcome?” Tony questions, subconsciously rubbing his own arms, as if he can’t believe that someone else hugged him. 

“I have a question about human advancement,” Thor says, changing the subject. “I…you guys haven’t figured out my sort of transportation, correct?” 

“I didn’t even know we could do that,” Tony says, eyes going wide. “Does it rearrange your cells? Do you have to think about it? How dangerous is it?” 

Thor grins, setting down his bag and resting at the kitchen counter. He’ll be ready to talk about this for a while. 

- 

Bruce comes into the Tower as quietly as possible, not wanting to cause any huge sort of fuss. 

This doesn’t matter when Tony finds him and visibly brightens. Thor is already sitting at the kitchen. He looks surprisingly domestic, just in jeans and a worn t-shirt. 

“I didn’t know you went shopping,” Bruce remarked. 

“Have to fit in with your mortals somehow,” Thor jokes. “Good to see you again, Doctor.” 

“Just call me Bruce,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “What have you guys been talking about?” 

“Interdimensional travel. Tony’s betting he can perfect it in under a year,” Thor says. 

Bruce looks to Tony. 

“You sure about that?” 

“So long as you help me,” Tony teases.  

- 

The team being together is…awkward. Tony is not used to people living in his house, so he forgets to amend his usual…habits. 

Rhodey is used to them, but currently he is overseas on a “top secret” mission. Tony knows all, because that’s the type of friend he can be. He’s sending Rhodey a postcard, addressed to the exact location. Rhodey’s superiors will be furious, unless if it’s one of the older ones. 

But Tony is not used to other people being present for his breakfast shenanigans, so he’s in an old tank top that is stained with grease, and he’s humming as he’s flitting around the kitchen, turning on the coffeepot without so much as a thought. 

When he turns, he sees Clint. 

“You’re a morning person?” Clint asks, eyes as wide as can be. 

“You are also up at six in the morning,” Tony says. “So I think that qualifies you as well.” 

“Had it not been for SHIELD, neither of us get up before eleven,” Natasha says. “Like the rag you call a shirt, Stark. Suits you.” 

Tony pokes out his tongue, taking a swig of coffee. 

“You’re just jealous,” Tony says. “I make this look like it could be four hundred dollars.” 

Clint groans. 

“I’m mad that you’re right,” Clint says. “Hey, quick question. How averse are you to me using your coffeepot?” 

“I’m done, go for it,” Tony says. “Thank you for asking, I appreciate it.” 

Clint brings out a bag of coffee that Tony was banned from about two years ago. 

Pepper does not need to know that. 

“If I give you money, will you buy more of this?” Tony says, eyes wide. 

“Um, yeah?” Clint says. “This is the only coffee that wakes me up in the morning.” 

“Why can’t you buy it?” Natasha asks, suspicious. “Were you banned?” 

“Sir was, indeed, banned from the substance,” Jarvis intercedes, smoothly. Natasha jumps a bit. “I would highly advise against buying it for him, as that would induce the wrath of Ms. Potts.” 

“Spoilsport,” Tony pouts. “Clint, I will make you a custom-bow with the perfect measurements and full custom design. I would even deign to put any logo on it that you wanted.” 

“So if I wanted it to be themed, you’d do it?” 

“Yes.” 

“Worth it. I also don’t fear death by a powerful woman, it’s in my Top Five Ways to Die list,” Clint says with a shrug. 

- 

Steve is used to living with other people. He was in the army, after all, and guys slept about three feet apart. He had thought he would see it all. 

This is until he walks in to see Bruce and Natasha in a staredown, hands clasped in an arm-wrestling pose. 

“What are the stakes?” Steve asks. 

“There are communal strawberries on the line,” Bruce says, not blinking. “And I am going to eat them. Natasha seems to think that she will be taking them to her room.” 

“Why not buy more?” Steve asks, settling into the bar with his sketchpad. 

“Because that’s the route for pacifists,” Natasha answers. 

“Bruce, are you not a pacifist?” Steve asks, raising eyebrows. 

“Technically? Yes,” Bruce says. His arm is shaking with effort. “But when fruit is involved that tends to…ebb.” 

“I’m going to leave,” Steve says slowly. “I am scared.” 

He hears a thump on his way out, a curse from Natasha, and then Bruce passes by him with a huge box of strawberries, cackling maniacally as Natasha rushes after him. 

Steve laughs. 

Thor raises an eyebrow as Bruce launches himself into his room, shutting the door. 

“Do you know what’s going on?” 

“Strawberry fights. Very serious thing,” Steve asks, grinning. “Wanna take a bet on if Natasha gets in?” 

“She will,” Thor answers. “But twenty bucks says she does it in ten minutes.” 

“Twenty minutes for me. You’re on,” Steve counters.

- 

Of course, it isn’t all violets and roses. Steve and Tony fight like cats and dogs, and Bruce gets short with people. 

Natasha doesn’t like talking feelings, and Clint would rather launch himself off a building than deal with any sort of threat that is adulthood. 

Thor…Thor is older significantly. He’s just dealing with mortal life and how quickly it goes by and the truth behind his father’s reign of Asgard. 

The team, gets through it. But not without a few hard knocks. 

- 

One of the first moments of bonding as a team is due to the ever-heated-debate of pineapple. 

Natasha, Tony, Bruce, and Thor are on the side of “acceptable.” 

Clint and Steve are on the side of “simply terrible and the absolute worst.” 

Steve comes up to bat first with the line of “I ate war rations that were better than this shit.” 

Bruce has nothing to add other than “my self-esteem directly correlates to pineapple on pizza.” 

“I don’t know what that means, but! I think if we put pineapple on pizza then you guys can’t argue when I make my food.” 

“You think putting cheese-sticks instead of shredded cheese on pizza is acceptable,” Tony says. “I have trust issues because of that. They didn’t even melt right!” 

“I thought you were all about admitting to mistakes, Mr. Sorry-I-Accused-the-Whole-Team-of-Stealing-My-Kiwi-When-it-was-Rhodey,” Clint teases. 

“Speaking of, what is Rhodey’s opinion on this?” Steve asks. “I bet he hates pineapple!” 

“We are not bringing him into this,” Tony says quickly. 

“I’m calling him,” Clint says. 

“How do you have his number?” 

“I’m Hawkeye. I see all.” 

“You couldn’t even see the name of ‘Bruce Banner’ on top of my Murtabak.” 

“How am I expected to read that shitty doctor language? Anyways, you should be grateful that I ate it because my toes curled because of the spice.” 

“You can’t handle the spice!” 

“You’re right!” 

From there, it dissolves into giggles and laughs. 

Tony orders pizza, and they all sit around the common room, debating over what is the least acceptable topping (other than pineapple in some settings). 

They end up debating over sardines next, which Steve says “aren’t the worst.” 

Natasha says broccoli, which is agree upon. Broccoli should not go on pizza. 

Steve draws a little picture of Clint and Tony arguing, complete with gesticulating hands and the little t-shirt details of Clint. 

Thor hangs it up on the fridge. 

“This is now where we hang accomplishments,” Thor says gravely. “I saw it in a show. Do people actually do that here?” 

“Don’t ask me,” Steve says. “I just got a fridge this century. Didn’t have one growing up. Too poor in the Depression.” 

“I can’t believe you and me both lived in a Depression,” Bruce says thoughtfully. 

“Bruce, you were born in the–” Steve stops for a moment. “Oh. Now that’s a neat joke.” 

Bruce snorts. 

The fridge is stacked with sticky notes that are usually petty in nature, although Tony allows his good stationary to be used for good accomplishments. 

The Petty Messages are as Follows: 

Bruce managed to share blueberries with Natasha and not bitch about it the whole duration. Incredible. -Nat. 

Thor actually didn’t monopolize the aux cord and play his super shitty playlist that is full of bad 2000s music. -Tony 

Tony withstood the whole duration of American Classic “Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls” and only winced once. -Thor. 

Steve managed to be tolerable for more than three hours. -Bruce 

Clint is a Good Guy Who Deserves Good Things -Natasha 

Even though she wrote that drunk she’s right lmao -Clint 

The Excellent Messages are as Follows: 

Tony actually opened up and told us what was bothering him so we could address it! -Clint and Bruce 

Thor helped Natasha with her furniture and helped us calm down from IKEA instructions. -Steve 

Bruce kicked the government’s ass. -Everyone on the team plus Maria and Fury 

Steve tried to roller skate and provided wholesome content when he was gripping the wall but also bonded with the team. -Natasha 

Clint baked cookies!!!!!!!!! And didn’t burn the tower down!!!!! -Tony 

Rhodey finally let us make fruit pizza and shared his music playlists. -Thor 

Natasha helped with group therapy today and opened up. It was amazing and I love her so much for that. -Bruce 

- 

The team grows closer, due to many reasons. But most of all, it is because they kept trying, which is very important. Even when they wanted to rip their hair out and they said the wrong things, they were still there and circling back around to make an apology. 

So when they’re out for battle, they don’t worry if someone won’t have their back. Hulk will be there with outstretched palm, Iron Man will be there with a quick joke and open arms, Black Widow will be there with deadly skill. Hawkeye will be there with the most accurate aim in the world, Thor will be there with thunderous force, and Captain America will have a shield and protection. 

But Bruce will be there when they need a joke and calm reassurance. Tony will be there to share his endless affection and touch. Natasha will be there with sound logic, a smile, and soft sweaters. Thor will be there with stories of old, energetic reassurance, and a strong and reliant personality. Steve will be there with art and words that go unsaid but not unheard. 

That, perhaps, is the most important. 

[aowski]

Changing the Narrative

It seems that death is coming at us from all sides these days. Police shootings, mass shootings, road-rage shootings, COVID deaths, and the execution spree of the last administration.  

What most of us know about the death penalty in America, we probably gleaned from movies like “The Green Mile”. In our minds, we confine it geographically and historically to the old South. I propose that it encompasses more of our lives than we care to admit. We just don’t see it and recognize it as such. The sentence of death hangs over all of us. We’ve become numb to all the ways this is true, especially if it doesn’t directly affect us or our demographic today. But executions are happening daily in this country. It might help if these executions were categorized:

Judicial Execution - Death administered by the State, as a punishment for a capitol crime, usually for being too poor to afford a proper defense.

Civil Execution - Death administered by law enforcement as punishment for  no reason at all except being a poor person of color. 

Stochastic Execution - Death administered randomly in a public place by another person by reason of their own uncontrolled rage and easy access to military-grade firearms.

Domestic Execution - Death administered by a significant other, usually an aggrieved spouse or lover. Again rage combined with easy access to firearms. May result in stochastic execution of others.

Policy Execution - Death administered by state austerity that neglects human well-being. Reverend Barber’s “Policy Violence”.

Economic Execution - Death administered by poverty. Holes in the social safety net coupled with grievous inequality depriving people of access to food, water, shelter, and healthcare.

Environmental Execution - Death by industrial pollution, its toxic effects on food, water, or air, and climate change.

Epidemiological Execution - Death by a communicable virus that spreads like wildfire because of government negligence,  politicization, assertion of personal freedom, and utter disregard for the well-being of others.

Self Execution - Death caused by our own hand. More than the act itself. The culmination of untreated depression, bi-polar illness, or hopelessness, i.e. the psychic death that precedes it.

Taken together, the result is...

Actuarial Execution - The reduced lifespan resulting from living in the United States. With a life expectancy of 78.5 years (per a WHO 2019 report), we have fallen to 40th among the world's nations in life expectancy! These are Life-years stolen! How did we get here? What is it about America that has made 39 others countries a better place, a place to live longer?

We have accepted a "culture of death", a phrase coined by Pope John Paul II. The Psalmist called it “the Shadow of Death”. In this country, the culture of death began with genocide of the indigenous, but gained an enduring foothold with slavery.

Slavery was the foundation of the economy at our country’s inception and was well-represented at the Constitutional Convention: 

Let us consider the first fifty years of our national history. There was never a moment during this time when the slavery issue was not a sleeping serpent. That issue lay coiled up under the table during the deliberations of the Constitutional Convention in 1787.— John Jay Chapman

Much of our Constitution was an agreement made by compromising with slave-holding states and interests. The most notorious artifact was the “three-fifths” clause which counted slaves as 3/5 of a human being for the purpose of apportionment, thus giving the slave-holding states disproportionate representation. The Second Amendment is another concession to the interests of slavery. By the time of the Convention, “Slave Patrols” were well established in the South. There was concern that Article 1, Section 8, giving Congress the power to form and finance armies could gain control of state militias. Virginia would not ratify the Constitution unless the Second Amendment was included. 

The cohesion (and fragmentation) within our society is based on identity. Too often this identity is not based so much on common interests, but on caste.

Identity is not who we define ourselves to be, but who we define ourselves to not be. More to the point, we understand ourselves to be in a hierarchy, so we define ourselves by who we are above. 

They have had to believe for many years, and for innumerable reasons, that black men are inferior to white men. Many of them, indeed, know better, but, as you will discover, people find it very difficult to act on what they know. To act is to be committed, and to be committed is to be in danger. In this case, the danger, in the minds of most white Americans, is the loss of their identity.—James Baldwin

"If you can convince the lowest white man he's better than the best colored man, he won't notice you're picking his pocket. Hell, give him somebody to look down on, and he'll empty his pockets for you." —Lyndon B. Johnson

It is a human failing that we need a scapegoat to blame others for our shortcomings and vulnerabilities. White people impugn our shadow on Black people and other minority groups. Everything White America refuses to believe about itself, hates about itself, is projected onto people of color.

The white man's unadmitted and apparently, to him, unspeakable-private fears and longings are projected onto the Negro. —James Baldwin

Of all the things we want to push away from ourselves, the certainty of our death is chief among them. Yet...

Mortality the reality that we are most adept at denying. 

Perhaps the whole root of our trouble, the human trouble, is that we will sacrifice all the beauty of our lives, will imprison ourselves in totems, taboos, crosses, blood sacrifices, steeples, mosques, races, armies, flags, nations, in order to deny the fact of death, which is the only fact we have.

—James Baldwin

And, again, White America, finds it convenient to avoid  the reality of death by projecting it on others:

White Americans do not believe in death, and this is why the darkness of my skin so intimidates them.  

—James Baldwin

Is this is why White America has been so indifferent to the suffering and death of Black Americans? Per CDC data, life expectancy for Black Americans is approximately five years less than the population as a whole. Indifference may not be imputation, but it does translate into the lack of political will to change things.

Racism is the Poison. Although inequality disproportionately affects people of color, all working and middle-class people are struggling to survive. Compared against other wealthy Western nations, America’s systemic ills are dragging us all down into the shadows of death. 

...racism is a poison first consumed by its concocters. What's clearer now in our time of growing inequality is that the economic benefit of the racial bargain is shrinking for all but the richest. The logic that launched the zero-sum paradigm-I will profit at your expense-is no longer sparing millions of white Americans from the degradations of American economic life as people of color have always known it.

—Heather McGhee (The Sum of Us)

Solidarity is the alternative and people are waking up to it:

Everywhere I went, I found that the people who had replaced the zero sum with a new formula of cross-racial solidarity had found the key to unlocking what I began to call a "Solidarity Dividend," from higher wages to cleaner air, made possible through collective action. And the benefits weren't only external. I didn't set out to write about the moral costs of racism, but they kept showing themselves. There is a psychic and emotional cost to the tightrope white people walk, clutching their identity as good people when all around them is suffering they don't know how to stop, but that is done, it seems, in their name and for their benefit. The forces of division seek to harden this guilt into racial resentment, but I met people who had been liberated by facing the truth and working toward racial healing in their communities.

—Heather McGhee (The Sum of Us)

A New Way, a way of life, a way of economic security is possible, but only if we seize the moment we are in. A moment of crisis is also a moment of opportunity. As we come out of a once-in-a-lifetime crisis, more people are facing the bankruptcy of 40 years of trickle-down Reaganomics.

Not everything that is faced can be changed. But nothing can be changed until it is faced —James Baldwin

The politics and messaging of racial scapegoating is deeply embedded in the American psyche. Race-baiting and fear are the tools used against solidarity. The answer is a new story, a race-class narrative. 

If we lead with a shared value, that means race and class, for example, ‘Whatever your race, gender, or religion, most of us work hard for our families. Every child, regardless of where they come from, deserves a chance to pursue their dreams.’ Reminding us of our common humanity (that’s a good place to start) and then saying that racial scapegoating is a weapon that economically harms all of us. You’re actually putting a shot in your listeners’ arm, inoculating them, so the next time they hear that racial scapegoating, they have antibodies for it. —Heather McGhee

This is the pivotal moment we find ourselves in. Our choices are to continue with the old story of racism, division, and death or to embrace a new story, a story of solidarity and an abundance. This can happen when we realize we are more than "The Sum of Us" (McGhee).

[sdhjxgctisd]

A year before the crash, in 1936

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[chernobog13]

AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR...

My apologies to those 400 or so who follow me (those who are not pornbots  at least) for not posting or re-blogging anything here for awhile.

I work in a hospital in the 2nd largest city in The United States.  And while I am not one of our heroic healthcare providers - doctors, nurses, clinical partners - my position has been deemed essential enough that I am one of the fortunate people who is still working during the COVID-19 outbreak.  That also means that for the last month I have been on a 60+ hour-a-week schedule, which basically means all I have been doing is working, then going home, isolating myself from my family, and trying to get enough sleep to continue functioning.  Today is the first day I’ve had off in a week, and I just woke up from spending the last 16 hours sleeping.

I’m not writing this to elicit pity for me, or to brag that I am still receiving a paycheck when so many people are out of work.  Just trying to explain why I’ve been so inactive here on Tumblr lately (and likely will be, except for the occasional day off, for the foreseeable future).

For those of you who can, please support your local hospital in any manner possible.  Donate food, either that you make yourself or help out a local restaurant at the same time and pay for meals to be delivered.  Donate blood, which is so desperately needed. Donate money if you can, so the hospital can purchase the equipment and supplies it needs for its patients and staff.  But please, don’t bring in boxes of masks or other medical gear you may have in surplus.  It’s a beautiful gesture, and more appreciated than you can possibly imagine, but due to contamination concerns hospitals cannot accept or use supplies that are not factory sealed.  I have had to turn away several people in the last few weeks who have, despite the risk to themselves, come to my hospital with excess of boxes of gloves or masks that they’ve had at home, only to have to politely turn them away.  And it broke my heart every time.  If you have that stuff, distribute it amongst your family, friends, or neighbors who may need them.

Medical staff all over the country and the world are working their asses off at great expense to their safety, and they need all the help they can get.  And they are doing it while pushing past the fear they have for their own lives and those of their families.  And believe me, it is scary working in a hospital right now.  The people I work with every day are the bravest people I have ever had the privilege of knowing, and it humbles me to be in their company.

I know there is a far right/conspiracy nut movement lately that is trying to paint the coronavirus/COVID-19 pandemic as a hoax just to make Trump look bad (which is absurd,; he’s does that perfectly well all by himself).  They have even started a movement where people to go into emergency rooms and film inside to show how empty they are.  We had to chase three different groups of those idiots (which is too tame a word) out of our ER yesterday alone. 

Don’t buy into their BS!  Yes, our ER waiting room is empty most of the time lately.  That’s because we are not allowing anyone other than patients in right now - no visitors, no friends or companions, no one else at all (except parents of minors or other extreme exceptions).  Patients that come in are brought back into the treatment area ASAP, so they are not hanging around the waiting area to be seen.  But the biggest reason the ERs look empty these days: most people are scared and staying home unless they have an actual emergency!!!!  Believe it or not, most people (during normal times) in an ER, to the tune of 60-75%, are not emergency cases and would be better served at an urgent care facility or their regular doctor’s office.

Sorry, I’m rambling, but it pains me to see this idiocy inspired by the cult of Trump when people are suffering and dying by the thousands.

So, to conclude: help your local hospital and healthcare providers as best you can, if you can, during this crisis.  Even a “thank you” card works wonders beyond imagination

Stay home and stay safe.  Check in on family, friends, and neighbors.  TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER! 

Stay positive.  Stop watching all the relentless COVID-19 coverage on the news.  If you have to watch anything related to it, watch Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s daily briefings, then turn on a movie, your favorite TV show, or read a book!

Stay strong.  I know it’s tough, but there is a light at the end of this tunnel, and we will get through this if we all work together and help each other out.  This is our time to be the best that humanity has to offer, and by working together we can overcome this crisis.  Let history show that we are the new “greatest generation.”

As for me, I’m going back to bed.

[successfullyadhd]

im 31, and after over a decade of trying to figure out what is wrong with me, my therapist and I are finally thinking it’s ADHD. i’ve had a gut feeling about it for a while and every ADHD post is relatable. now the problem is finding an place that does adult assessments and is affordable (no insurance). do you have any tips on going through the assessment as an adult? and if i can’t afford it, and can’t get medication. how do i ever become the productive focused person i want to be? thanks.

Sorry in advance for the long post... I put the most relevant bits in bold for a TL;DR version.

 I know getting diagnosed as an adult can seem daunting, but you shouldn’t worry too much. While ADHD was once viewed as something that only affected children, it is now widely recognized as a lifelong disorder and you shouldn’t have to fear being dismissed because you weren’t diagnosed early in life. It’s extremely helpful that you have been seeing a therapist, and they also think you have ADHD. Ask them to send over their notes when you do go to the doctor.

As for how to get diagnosed - I’ll start by saying I hate the way American healthcare is set up, as medication and healthcare in general are expensive. I have to move frequently for me and my husband’s jobs (we both work in hospitality, and as the saying goes, “You have to move out to move up!”). Because most (all?) ADHD medications are a Schedule II drug (highly regulated but still legal), I have to get rediagnosed in every new state. I always bring my past history, but most doctors want to complete testing as they are monitored for prescribing stimulants and can lose their license if found to be providing this medication without ample documentation. (All of this to say - I have been through the procedure many times as an adult.) Depending on the state, some doctors also require bloodwork and an EKG to ensure you are healthy enough to receive the medication (although some will accept past test results if done recently enough.) Also depending on the state and doctor, they may have additional requirements. In Florida, my doctor wanted a multitude of tests, and asked for a sleep study to ensure the medication wasn’t causing poor sleep. In California, as part of the Kaiser HMO system, I was required to do periodic drug tests to ensure I wasn’t also using street drugs, and to check that the Adderall was in my system (as a test that I was using it as prescribed, and not selling it). Some states are much easier – Utah, Alabama and West Virginia all were able to diagnose me in one appointment and prescribed the medication same day. Last, a General Practitioner won’t typically prescribe it and will direct you to a psychiatrist. Even if you did have insurance, most don’t cover psychiatrists or if they do, it comes with a different deductible (because obviously mental health isn’t part of regular health (heavy sarcasm)). After diagnosing, you have to meet with the doctor once a month to get the prescription refilled – due to the Schedule II status, they can’t have it on an auto-refill like other medications and they need to ensure you aren’t abusing it or having negative side effects. (although the one good thing to come out of COVID is that it normalized tele-health appointments, since an in-person meeting with a doctor once a month can be difficult to schedule). Even though I have health insurance, I typically pay out of pocket $120 a month for my visit with the doctor, and after insurance and a coupon I pay $73 for two medications (Adderall & Vyvanse). I’m fortunate now to be able to afford that expense – at the times in my life where I couldn’t, I would request a 30 day supply of the more affordable pills and only take medication on days where I couldn’t function without it (such as doing large amounts of paperwork) and try to use learned behavior techniques the rest of the time, to stretch out my resources.

As far as what goes into the actual diagnosis – doctors most commonly use a questionnaire about your daily life to assess you. Here is a link to commonly-used questionnaires: https://www.additudemag.com/adhd-assessments-and-tests/.

I know I just made it seem very daunting to get diagnosed and on a medication, but I want to be honest with you about what the process looks like, and again, depending on where you live it can be done in one session. Now that is out of the way, let me give you some information that is more helpful:

If you can, skip asking a regular GP for a referral and make an appointment directly with a psychiatrist. This will save you the extra cost of the doctor’s appointment, just to be told someone else will help. Many places have low cost mental health centers and ADHD falls into that realm, so I would check out what is available in your city. Before making an appointment, confirm the following:

-          Do they diagnose ADHD?

-          Do they prescribe medication? (Therapists don’t prescribe, only psychiatrists, and some will not prescribe ADHD medication at all so it’s important to be clear that it is your intention to receive medication if diagnosed)

-          What tests do they require for diagnosing, and prescribing medication? (Some places may have more or less requirements, and it can even vary within a city or state. This way you will know if it’s something you can afford at the time.)

Talk with the doctor about your specific situation, and what medications are affordable without insurance. Adderall, for example, is past the 10 year exclusive patent and now has a generic version available. It comes in quick release and slow release, depending on your needs. You can also talk to the doctor about a prescription to both quick and slow release, so you take the correct medicine based on your needs for that day (marathon work day? Slow release that extends over the entire day. Afternoon project – quick release that lasts for four hours). Vyvanse is great but doesn’t have a generic version and is insanely expensive without insurance (to the tune of $350+). Use the GoodRX app to find deals on medication without insurance (Adderall is about $15 for a month supply with this app). There are a ton of drug options so look up the pricing during the doctor’s visit, so you can confirm that you can afford what they prescribe. Also keep in mind that getting a prescription filled is the same cost whether you get 1 pill or 30 (a fact I learned the hard way when getting a 10 pill prescription filled once.)

 If you read all that and thought, Thanks but no thanks, here are some other options:

-          My psychiatrist in Florida recommended that I take Rhodiola Rosea supplements in addition to medication, as it has clinically proven positive effects on ADHD symptom control. I found it on Amazon. Omega-3 fatty acid supplements are also proven effective.

-          If you’re interested in this sort of thing, here is a super comprehensive study of various dietary supplements and behavior modifications that work or don’t work for ADHD: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4968082/

-          Practicing meditation is a great way to relax your body (increased stress, while helpful for short-term tasks, can make ADHD symptoms worse long term) and train your mind to hold onto singular, important thoughts (people’s names, why you walked into the kitchen, etc). I use the Waking Up app and love it – there are also many free options in the App Store and on YouTube.

-          Regular exercise is another great way to manage ADHD symptoms, as it gives your body a natural serotonin and dopamine boost, two important chemicals your body has trouble producing and absorbing naturally.

-          Caffeine is a great, easily accessible stimulant that has a focusing and calming effect on ADHD individuals. My doctor actually asked my parents to give me coffee each morning before school when I was a child, before we moved onto prescriptions.

-          Often, there are other factors that go along with ADHD, such as anxiety and/or depression. Getting this under control can go a long way in managing ADHD as well. I’m not sure if you have any issues with those, but it can be helpful to treat both if you do. The medication Wellbutrin is used to treat depression and also has mild stimulants, which would be helpful for both conditions. It isn’t a Schedule II drug, so you can probably ask your doctor for a 3 or 6 month prescription.

-          There are a ton more mind hacks and learned behavioral mechanisms you can try – read some of my other posts for suggestions.

Of course, I have to give the legal disclaimer – all of this is based on my personal experience, I’m not licensed in the medical field in any way and only a doctor can give you proper advice for your body and situation, and what medications will be most helpful. 😊