#i feel like 2 years is a long enough time to dwell on it and honestly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sunofpandora · 4 months

Note

Heyyy so I saw your requests post and I’ve been dying to get this one off my chest, so how about a neteyam x omaticaya! warrior! reader where reader’s a fierce warrior (maybe a protege of one of the higher ups). And we all know Neteyam (the mighty warrior lol) is strong and also one of the best their age, but what if Neteyam had such intense feelings for her that all he wants to do is impress her but whenever she comes around he gets all klutzy and flustered? And of course she finds it funny and cute and all that jazz. Just fluff I NEED FLUFF

P.s. The decision to fulfill this request is yours and I won’t be upset if you decide you don’t want to. As long as you’re comfortable, all’s fine by me.

But yeaaa have a good day/night :)

Authors note:

Hi babes!

So I loved this request so much! So I decided to make my very first actual long series! ‘Virago’ is going to be an original work and one of my first long projects. Unfortunately, I will not have a TON of time to do smaller requests in between chapters but i will def try! I’m very excited for this and i wouldn't have even considered this without the request so thank you so, so much.

V I R A G O

Part 1.

The Day the Sky Turned Red.

8.7k words.

𝓭𝓮𝓽𝓪𝓲𝓵𝓼/𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼/𝓼𝔂𝓷𝓸𝓹𝓼𝓲𝓼/

‘Y/n was made of fire. Oh, a goddess girl with lips of lightning and a caged Phoenx under her skin. Neteyam is just the ashes and remains of the heavens she crushed under her heel.’

When grief plagues the young warrior, Neteyam gives her a gift. But it is enough to console the flames in her heart?

Neteyam and reader having a sun x moon relationship (hello 'diaphanous’ readers <3)

Warnings: Descriptions of death/ parental death/ reader is a war orphan/ as always, spider, the reader, and Lo’ak are a trio/ Lo’ak and Reader being platonic soulmates?/ Spider and Reader being trauma twins/ Neteyam being lovesic/ Neteyam being nervous and shy around reader/ Neytiri being mother/ Jake being the husband i wish i had/ Tuk being a little sister and looking up to y/n/ Mentions of grace’s school.

Mentions of insecurity, blood, war, guns, reader being mommy/

I think that’s it?

Oh right, Reader fell first but neteyam fell WAY harder.

Extra info:

Y/n is one year younger than neteyam, the first part of this chapter is a flashback to when y/n was 15. Kiri, Lo’ak and Tuk are the agesthey are in atwow for the first part of the story. They age up in part 2 (in story)

(Ka’lik is the name of Y/ns father, her mother’s name is Zensira. Both were warriors, but Zensira was the best songstress in the clan. (Ninat go cry to the plant in the corner))

Super important note for the request sender:

Hey gorgeous so ik you asked for fluff and don't worry babes. I hear ya loud and clear. Unfortunately the first part of this chapter will be a bit angsty bc the creative juice were flowing and i got carried away but I swear on my grave the rest is nothing but fluff and lovey dovey shenanigans,

Not proofread

☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆

To some, surrender was a comfort. A sanctuary of softly spoken submission.

To Y/n? It was a ‘bitch move’

3 years ago.

Day the sky people returned.

Y/n is 15-16

The Na’vi say, every person is born twice.

That we can redeem ourselves in the eyes of the great mother.

That being truly evil doesn't mean just craving the pain of others.

That the life of a single diseased root does not kill the whole tree.

That darkness is deadly, because like the brothers and sisters of bountiful green that dwell in the great mother’s garden, we too need sunlight to grow.

Your mother always told you monsters aren't born from a seed.

They grow when they are deprived of light.

But sometimes, we find solace in even the darkest of places.

That sometimes there's comfort in the dense night. Where others see hell, you build a home.

Sometimes we thrive in darkness because we feel we do not deserve the glory of sunlight.

Is it wrong? Is it terrible of you?

To see light where the great mother’s grace and the violence of the sky demons collide?

Things that were not meant to tear the ground of our great mother’s delicate skin.

Their metals and turning wheels, their combat boots and weapons that scream and spit fire.

But did it belong in your hands?

Your father would say,

“Each person is a thread, weaved within a tapestry that tells a story.”

The thing about stories is that sometimes, they may not always end well, or worse, they end too early. Some people stretch the thread as far as they can, too unsettled to be spread too thin, too soon.

Change is fundamental. Mo’at reminded you “there is no death, only change”

A moral structure that refuses to be severed. You believe that's whats what distincts na’vi from the sky people. Humans are quite flawed creatures. Humans love to dream and dance about stars and rain because their planet refuses to cry for them any longer. Humans dwell with memories that are haunted with light that only exists in the past, lingering behind desire to relive. Humans are afraid of grief, or loss. Of the empty void that lingers behind the shadows. Humans love to selfishly cling to the fantasy they don't live in.

You will never understand why they put themselves through such violent tendencies. To torture themselves. To provide reach towards an unseen daydream just to rip it out of their hands.

Humans remain. Na’vi evolve.

Na’vi find solace within the endless sky. Burning with color, blazing infinite. Na’vi dance on the precipice of the clouds.

Grief came over like the waves grazing the tide, promising reassurance and return.

Violence was never a necessity. A lingering intrusion of a spark that refused to become a flame.

But what lies beyond the sky? Was there truly a shadow behind the sun?

When the embers refused to settle.

You found yourself infatuated with open spaces. Abundance found within indecipherable notions.

Cracks in the mountains. Small tears in the tapestry where light leaked through the canopy of the trees.

Nothingness was never a threat.

Not when the promise of warmth remained.

☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆

Y/n met grief when she was only a child.

When she was 15, the RDA returned.

The day the sky turned red was the day the air smelled of sulfur and blood.

Gray and red were never a pretty combination.

The demon ship’s wings stirred the trees and a storm of dust arise,

Screaming, everyone running, the distant screeches of ikran and war cries.

The night your parents went out to gather some herbs, and never returned.

When the pale light of the moon became a blazing, scorching, blanket of blankness that simmered into a forest engulfed in white flames.

You found your mothers songcord on the ground the next morning.

Her body stained with red.

You stood next to Neteyam at your parent’s funeral.

You watched as Mo’ats hands guided the delicate floating Atokirina to rest upon your mothers chest as she murmured a prayer.

People have this inherent conception that the hardest part of grief is change.

The loss of warmth in the safest of places, when the shadows loom rather than live.

In reality, it's this unnamed feeling of a void.

Love is the amplification of a connection. Love distracts. It paralyzes you within its sanctuary of promises.

Grief feels like a shield with a hole blown through the middle. When the connection is shattered, and the sky is no longer protected without the scattered solace of the stars to veil the blank spaces.

Emptiness no longer infatuated you.

The sky without the stars is not a mystery anymore.

Neteyam held your hand. It didn't aid the hollowness within the cup of your palm. Guilt revenues in a realization, that even the great mother’s solace could not soothe this wound. This ache. This pain.

Neytiri’s soft sobs scorch the air with a soreness, the morning mist. Her fingertips, victims of bow strings and arrowhead edges gently brush the flowers placed around your mothers body.

Neytiri was your mother’s sister. Not biologically. Preservations in our blood don’t always remain unsevered when a bond is born.

Your mother sobbed with her when hometree collapsed. Helped unbraid her hair for her night with Jake. Your mother had saved Neytiri’s life.

All those years ago when the RDA invaded Grace's school. When her body trembled at the sight of sylwanins blood that painted the floor and the walls, your mother walling as she desperately tried to drag Neytiri away.

To have such a bond. The heartbeat of one another emplaced in your bones, to sing a goodbye song with cruel unmeasured melodies.

Jake held neytiri, gently rubbing circles onto her back, his own grievances had been paid due to earlier.

Kiri’s tear stained cheeks didnt go unnoticed. She stood close to her father, Tuk’s tiny body squished between them as Kiri sobbed into Jake's shoulder . Kiri had always admired your mother. Chasing her shadow like wisp catching the breeze ever since she was a child. A woman of eywa. A healer. A hunter. Her heartbeat reserved for her home. Her people. Her daughter.

Lo’ak had placed his own tribute to the small spread laid out before the gently laid corpses.

A small carved arrowhead.

Your father took over your mother’s job when she had other jobs to attend to, as being the one who trained a young group of warriors. Lo’ak included. He was patient with Lo’ak. Never discouraged him. A father liek mentorship had bloomed. So when his time came to join the great mother, Lo’ak contributed his own item of remembrance.

Lo’ak gave his arrowhead.

Tuk gave a small flower.

Kiri gave a small bundle of herbs the omaticaya believed was to aid the departing spirit on their journey.

Neytiri added a few carved beads from an anklet she wore. One your mother, Neytiri and Sylwanin had shared over the years, each of the three contributing beads or small trinkets to the piece.

Jake gave some beads as well. From a necklace your mother helped him make Neytiri when he struggled with the stringing of the oddly-shaped beads back when Jake was training for iknimiya, attempting to woo the young blue-skinned warrior he knew as neytiri.

All the omaticaya came to bear their gifts. Neteyam included, who gave you the gift of his warmth.

He cradled your hand in his, he raised it to his chest when the roots covered your parents bodies.

You’ve loved Neteyam for many years now. Watching him grow from a boy to a man.

You grew up next to the sullys. Your heights measured next to theirs as a child. Neteyam, Lo’ak, Kiri, even little tuk had built a circle around you. You were a part of their lives. They were piece of yours.

You found him in an irregular-shaped void in your heart that only he could fit in. Nights were filled of him. His voice. His eyes. His hands. The curve of his nose and the coves of his lips.

His voice was made of tender summers. His eyes were liquid gold.

You saw him. You truly, truly saw him. Not the evascent shell of the perfect warrior or son made of stone.

You saw him in the bleak day and in the night. When reality rivaled your thoughts of him, when the warmth of his touch seemed ephemeral, the invisible interstellar you swore was not a figment of your fantasies. You settled yourself from afar. Sullied yourself with stains of shame from the secrets you kept from him. The thousands of words you harbored, right next to the stars you swore you would steal for him.

This unrepeatable pattern became tiring, something you yearned to touch but your hands couldnt reach.

To tug on the silver string that dangled from this disguise he wore. This mask. This ruse of your heart.

He was to find the perfect mate. The perfect woman, A women to be the closest to an eywa incarnate. That wasn’t you. That could never be you.

Perfect with no edges. No uncalled for curves ad no outward coves.

So you settled once again with the itching of your palms and the aching of your heart.

He was not yours.

Distance became a familiarity because distance was safe.

There was a time where the itching in your palms screamec for his. Now, his had felt hollow as it held yours now.

Grief was a funny thing.

You stood here, your skin feels more like a shell. Your mirror feels more like a window.

Staring at yourself with pity.

Such a weak thing she is.

Sobbing.

What once was warmth and abundant is now hollow and overcast by anguish.

You start to resonate with the corpses that once rested in your line of sight before the roots of the tree engulfed them.

Why is it that the sunlight denies you shelter?

Why must your whole become hollow? The ashes of what it once was line a new path.

Is the sun falling? Have the stars collapsed? Will anyone catch them for you?

What is this? This pain? This agony? Why must it overcast your morals? Your rationality of peace? This homage harbors the resdiual of what little warmth is salvaged from this sunset of black.

You feel the merciless fire in your veins. You want revenge. The cage of a Phoenix becomes an eternity of warmth.

Even with neteyam at your side, the stars are falling. And the sunlight feels cold.

⋆｡☁︎｡⋆｡ ☾ ｡⋆⋆⋆｡☁︎｡⋆｡ ☾ ｡⋆⋆⋆｡☁︎｡⋆｡ ☾ ｡⋆⋆⋆｡☁︎｡⋆｡ ☾ ｡⋆⋆

Later that evening, the clan settled after Jake announced that his clan had to relocate to the Hallelujah mountains, where everyone would rebuild a stronghold and dwell with the loyal humans. To avoid any more bloodshed, Where the humans couldn't find you.

You sat in the Sully’s Marui, Neytiri behind you as you sat infront of the fire.

She rebraided your hair. You had mo’at and kiri unbraided for the funeral. Neytiri’s soft humming soothes you a bit, but your hands haven’t ceased their small tremors of shaking.

She gently runs her hands through your locks, placing a few beads on each braid.

Th hut is silent, Neteyam sits in the corner, he hasn’t spoken since after the funeral.

Tuk perches on Jakes lap asleep, Kiri at your side, rubbing your back. Lo’ak sat on the other side of you, resting his head on your shoulder.

“My sweet”

Neytiri’s melodic whisper whisked through the heavy gray.

“We leave in a few days time, at first light for our new home,”

She paused, her thought lingering behind a wall of hesitation, she exchanges a look with Jake, who nods at her, gently taking tuk of his lap for a moment,

“Y/n, hon, with what's occurred..-”

He waved one hand around, flicking his wrist against the air to try and demonstrate some kind of invisible concept.

But you know he was referring to your parents deaths.

“We don’t think you should be alone.” Jake adds. Neteyam nods with his dad’s words, attempting to gain some kind of partaking in this conversation without speaking.

Neytiri rests her hand on your shoulder, making Lo’ak lift his head to peer at you.

“What are you saying?”

It comes out as a breath, the unveiled remnants of the traumatic experience you had endured still fresh on your still-processing mind.

“Ma yawntu…We want you to stay with us when we settle in our new home. To stay in our home. We can take care of you.”

The warmth of the fire feels pale for a moment. I’ts vulnerability. Its shallow. Yet, Its deep, and dark, and you can’t see the bottom. Your’e left unguarded for a moment.

“I’ll be fine on my own-“

You pause when you realize how hoarse your voice sounds. you clear your throat, your gaze meeting Jake’s. His eyes soften a you an you can tell its pity. Something you would have considered affection becomes an insult. A weakness.

“I’ll be okay. I’m not helpless. I can provide for myself.”

Jake sighs and shakes his head, his words calm.

“Y/n. I know you are strong. Hell, youre one of the strongest i know, kid. But This is not something we’re going to let you carry alone, I made-”

He pauses, taking a breath, his head tilting down a bit and his eyes squeezing shut before he raises his head to continue.

“I made a promise. To the people. To the clan. To keep everyone safe. And to your parents, we would look out for you if anything ever happened.”

The lump in your throat is dry as you swallow.

Neytiri kisses your head gently.

“Ma yawntu, we will look after you..we will guide you on this path.”

She gently guides you to look at her bow in the corner.

“My father. He gave me that bow as he laid dying.”

The air becomes thick, even the moonlight seems to freeze with its slow creeping up the wall.

The only sound is the soft 3-beat melody of Tu’ks soft breathing as she sleeps, but her heavy eyes flutter open now and then as she nuzzles into jakes side.

Neytiri squeezes her hand on your shoulder to keep her voice from breaking, her chest tightening.

“He told me to protect the people.”

The pain in her voice breaks through the cracks in the walls that kept the shadows out, cages that kept the anger in.

“I owed your mother my life. I could not protect Zensira.

I have let the demons take another from me.”

The red in her voice stained the shadows behind ehr words, the sharp syllables in ‘demons’ evident, Kiri closed her eyes and winced at her mothers words, still holding your hand.

She took a breath and gazed at you.

“But yawntu, i will not let them take you. I will protect you. You have always been one of my own at heart. The skyships will not take that from us.

The familiar sting you felt only a few hours ago returned to your eyes along with the ache in your chest.

Jake nodded.

“We can be stronger together, Y/n. Let us look after you.”

The wisp of shallow aches still burn behind your heart but you nod, silently.

Lo’ak smiles in an attempt to lighten the load.

“Just like old times, sis. We used to have sleepovers all the time, now we get to have them every day.”

Neytiri was about to scold Lo’ak for his bluntness until she heard you chuckle,

Tuk’s big eyes blinked open as her tired voice mumbled.

“Now you can play with me more..and braid my hair..”

She mumbes as she smiles to herself. Jake chuckles and ruffles her short braids.

Kiri squeezes your hand and Neteyam’s gaze hasn’t left you since the beginning of the conversation.

You took a walk that night, creeping around the hammocks of the sleeping sully family as you quietly ventured outside the small camp village.

You stand under a tree, the moonlight leaks through the canopy as you start to count the stars. You wondered how the sky and the heavens could still be standing when your whole world had collapsed around you just earlier that day.

When you were small your mother wouldtell you not to pull pn the loose thread of her tapestries she wove. Because the more you pull, the fasfter it will fall apart.

Thats how you felt. One loose string being mercilessly tugged and and all the colors were fading away, you chased them, you chased them along with the falling stars but no one caught them for you.

Your heart has been thieved. Your light has been stolen.

Sin and soul seem to have a war under your skin, and the soft lllabies of the creatures of your planet seem to have more of a shriek-like quality.

Why did the colors go away?

Did they chase you to the place i cannot follow when you went away?

“Y/n.”

You jump slightly, the chill in the pale air becoming a prick of awarness as you reach for the knife on your hip, turning around quikcly.

Neteyam stands before you, his wooded-honeyed scent fills your nose, you blink as a breath of his name leaves your lips.

“Neteyam-

Oh Neteyam you scared me, you asshole.”

Usually he would have laughed. But not today, not with the shadow that looms.

He gently touches your arm.

“I’m sorry, truly-

What are you doing awake? Are you hurt? Are you in pain? Did something-

Did someone-”

You laugh at him. But its bitter and its thin. Its forced.

“For eywas sake why does everyone think i am the weak link suddenly-

I am fine. Stop looking at me like i am wounded-”

Neteyam cuts you off.

“Y/n, i would never think such a thing about you, ever. You know this. I want you safe, you can’t expect me not to be concerned when you wonder off in the middle of the night, syulang”

The nickname from whe you were children is a warm familiarity at the least.

You huff and lean against the tree bark.

“I just needed air.”

Its small and muttered.

A shaky breath left your lips.

“I’m trying to find ways to endure my own thoughts.”

Neteyams eyes soften as he steps forward, he gently takes a place y beside you, back against the tree as he stands next to you. Your hand brushes his, but your fingers refuse to interlace.

The two of you stared up at the stars for a moment.

“Teyam?

“Yes?”

“Do you think it’s ungrateful to feel as if you have nothing, even when others orrond you with love and promises?”

“I’m not sure I follow…”

“Is it wrong to feel alone when your in the arms of others?”

As it falls into place for neteyam, he gazes at you as if you were a mystery in the moonlight.

He tries to see past your walls, to place himself in your shadow.

He glances at you, then back up at the sky.

“No. It’s not ungrateful. I think we’re all born with some sort of circle around us.”

You pause for a moment, looking over at him.

“A circle?”

He nods.

“A circle. The people we love and care for? the people we would do anything for? The people who make our home, they all belong inside our circle.

My father, my mother, Lo’ak, Tuk, Kiri, they're all a part of my circle.”

He pauses for a moment, his tail swishing behind him.

“And…you are too. You’re apart of my circle, Y/n.”

You gaze at him and he withers under your eyes, averting his eyes and fidgeting with his necklace.

After a moment, he speaks again.

“I can’t imagine loosing people in that circle…things must become so…empty. As if the world seems too small all of the sudden.

So no, it’s not selfish to feel alone when that circle is gone.”

His words spark comfort. The hollowness within your palm seems less heavy.

“Thank you.”

You whisper, and he nods at you.

“You don’t have to be alone, y/n. My family…when they spoke to you tonight about staying with us when we travel to the mountains, it was not because there’s a need to replace what you once had. Y/n, we want you to embrace this new circle-“

“What if I’m not ready to find a new circle?”

The vehement tone you were bearning stunned neteyam for a moment.

“Your mother was right. The sky people will take, and they will kill, and they will hunt, until everything under the sky of pandora is either dead or theirs..”

Your eyes hardened for a moment and Neteyam was still as he took in your words.

You look up at the moon once more; taking a breath.

“I do not wish to fear them anymore, Neteyam.

I want them to be the ones who fear us.”

There was a new found devotion in your heart.

A bitter song of fire and desolation.

Vengeance.

Each note a new mockery of blood and ash. Every chorus an unfamiliar revelry of hunger.

That night, under the fallen stars and the cold moonlight, the inextinguishable plotted purpose was born within you.

Neteyam sighed; his gaze fitting back to the moon.

“And so you will..”

No.

Don’t.

I don’t want to loose you in the fire.

But he didn’t dare speak it aloud.

After a moment, he spoke again.

“I have something for you.”

He felt his heart flutter when your eyes met his.

He reached into the pocket of his loincloth.

“It was a gift I planned on giving during the ceremony.”

You felt twitch of anguish as you recalled the memory.

“You already contributed your gift..you gave that armband my father taught you how to weave.”

He gave you a tender look. The kind whispered in the solace of summer and soft secrets.

“It is for you. Not for your loss.”

His words unclouded a new warmth in your chest.

For a moment, your anger ceased to simmer.

“I made this, for you a long while ago..but I never found the right time to give it to you.

Then..the incident happened and I knew it wasn’t a good time..I was planning on giving it to you on this day..but the plans changed.”

He opened his palm to reveal a small carved wooden spiral, polished and smooth. 3 strings with little charming dangling.

The first charm was 2 purple colored crystal, the second was a wooden bead that wore a Maude color, with a tree carved on it, the last was a stack of small purple beads with marbled colors.

He placed it gently in the palm of your hand, and you cradled it with such delicacy.

“Oh it’s beautiful…”

Your breath truly caught itself in his trap.

“When we were young your mother made you that necklace out of those crystals and small jeweled beads, the one she found in the river?..you were so happy to wear something so colorful..I remember the purple ones were your favorite. You always placed them so that they were in the middle. I’d thought I’d add them as a small bonus.”

He smiled at the memory.

You hugged him, your cheek pressed against his chest, he was stunned for a moment but hugged you back, you looked up at him and your breath caught for a moment, your faces mere inches apart.

You both Depart slightly and avert your eyes.

“Thank you. It’s lovely, Neteyam.”

You said softly, he nodded and smiled at you.

“The spiral suits you. Even now with this great loss you bear. It’s a connection. Even to those who are no longer with us.”

You smiled at him back, and the two of you started to walk back to the village.

How could you not see it? The spiral. A sign of support? Of friendship? Of trust?

No my dear Y/n.

It was how he felt like his soul was steadily orbiting around you. Thoughts of you never ended.

His circle.

His spiral.

You were the center.

☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓

Years later….(y/n is now 18.)

(her code name is “X” neteyam’s name through comms is canonically ‘pathfinder’)

Jake yipped to Neytiri as she raised her bow and looked over her shoulder.

Her face is adorned with war paint, much like yours. She had painted you for the day. Red, purple, blue, the colors of your ikran worn proudly like a hyde of victory.

“Remember the plan.”

Jake says through his throat comms, his volume fighting the wind. You held your two fingers to the small mic on your neck so you could hear through your earpiece.

“Neytiri and I will strike from above, X, you're my Archer. I want you to hit em’ quick and move out fast. Eagle Eye, pathfinder, you two are spotters. Do not engage in close range, or air combat, understood?”

You heard lo’ak groan through his comm.

“Bro, why does Y/n get to have all the fun!?”

You felt a tinge of pride. Knowing you were Jake’s right hand out in the field. Higher ranked than either of his son’s. A skilled Archer.

“Because I'm older and I have more fun.”

You quipped back, unable to hide the smile in your voice.

“Ya know what'd be fun? If you were to crash straight into one of those mountains and fall in your cocky as-”

“Both of you! No arguing on the comms!”

You refocused as the smell of ash and metal was fast approaching. YOu and the war party arrive on the scene right on time

You flew up above the train tracks and watched as the vehicle crashed into a collision of smoke and ash on the derailed tracks. The air scorched to sting your flesh with an uncomfortable heat.

Neytiri let out a ululating sound to signal to you as she flew down to help Jake. Behind you were 3 smaller aircrafts.

You grabbed your bow from the side saddle, mentally commanding your ikran to dive.

Everyone who witnessed Y/n fight swore the wind under her ikran’s wings were grazed with fire.

She was made of red-ribboned rainstorms in a scarlet blaze of uncharted wind and wildflowers.

For a moment it’s all too real. The encore of your arrows, the satisfying stretch of your bow string, Like the last note before the chorus. You dive down, sliding down the neck of your Ikran ever so slightly as the wind stings your cheeks, the sunlight strong. You draw back, a loud call escaping your throat, and the arrow flies.

Its in a blink of an eye the cockpit window is shattered, the pilot now sporting an arrow of yours through his neck as the metal gray bird ceases it’s flight and collapses in a cloud of smoke and sulfur.

You’d usually be celebrating if two bastards weren't behind you.

You grasp two arrows this time, the long wooden shaft in your clutch as you line them up properly for the next shot.

The pilots pathetically attempt to surf with the wind beneath you, scattering your duo targets into far off spots.

Thats the thing about humans. They tiptoed on the wind as if it was uneven ground. Na’vi warriors like you danced upon airstorms and harsh rains. A swirling spiral of helix grazes your skin as you feel one of their shots fly past you the heat just missing your ikran,

You soothe him before regaining your position, you mentally make a new command to your ikran.

‘Drop’

In a moment, the settled feeling of security that once shaved your bones seems to wither away.

Your ikran free falls, rolling against the wind that whips and wails. Your chest heaves as you ready your shot, the reverberation from your bowstring sings to your fingers as the two arrows fly, hitting both pilots as your irkan regains a flying position instead of a falling one, all adrift in a fleeting shot.

The aircrafts fall together, crashing against the ground.

The ground team jake had arranged comes into view frm the side forest clearing, all watching in awe as if you were the embodiment of phoenix.

They raised their bows and let out warcalls, you pridefully returned, raising your bow above your head and releasing a war call of your own.

Neteyam watched from afar. His ikran synced with Lo’aks as they circled the scene below, na’vi led by Norm gathering all the weapons they could.

But he couldnt let himself focus on the world below when all he could see was the woman made of exquisite inferno and grace was scorching the sky with her blaze.

Neteyam felt the wind brisk through his braids as he looked up, squinting against the sunlight in hopes to catch another glimpse of you.

The light of day made you seem grazed with gold that brushed the cobalt hues.

He watched as you shot down the aircrafts, he watched you shoot two arrows.

To Neteyam, you were made of fire.

Remnants of moonlight and high-tided sea storms. A hellish radiance and a scarlet soul.

Neteyam remembered the night he saw the flame embed itself in your soul. The night he gifted you that carving that was now a charm that rested tied to the long expanse of your bow.

He hated it. How inconsolable he feared you were, how he feared this new alit flame would burn his touch away from you. Useless was an understatement, of how he felt that night, even the stars above refused to guide him down teh right path.

He knew you were angry.

He was angry too.

He wanted to fight just like you did. His hatred for these sky demons simmered beneath his skin. He was a warrior. He wanted to fight next to you and his father. He was a protector of the people.

He had seen what they had taken from his home, from his parents, his family, from you.

At first, he thought it was jealousy.

The way Jake encrusted you to be his main archer. To shoot down sky ships.

Neteyam? He wasn’t anywhere near the fighting. Not anywhere near you.

He knew his father thought him and Lo’ak were “too important” to be fighting.

Jake was trying to salvage the sons made of stone before the heat of war can melt the rock.

Were you better than him?

Stronger than him?

Why did his father trust you more than he trusted his eldest?

As he watches you now, the archer who had her arrowhead aimed at his heart from day 1.

He knows its love. It must be.

It keeps him awake at night. The devoured feeling that gnaws at his heart. You were the center of his sky in all your celestial glory and he wished he would have gifted you the entire universe but instead he gave you that carved spiral.

He loved you because where other struggled to see in the dark you danced with dusk. You were a paradox. Detached, but focused. Because you somehow made the most dissolute and reckless seem graceful. You were real. Imperfect. Unconfined hunger bordered by each beautiful bruise blemish and scar that covered your skin.

You haunted him.

“Bro!”

And funny enough, it seems eywa created little brothers for a different kind of haunting.

Neteyams eyes flickered to where Lo’ak circled around him on his ikran.

The cold colors tattered across the ikrans purple and blue skin, trapping the yellow large speckles of shapes of the banshee’s skin.

Lo’ak’s echoes dwindle in the gust of wind, the war paint he wore proudly on either side of his face, Neteyam had watched Y/n paint Lo’ak after his begging back at high camp.

Something about Lo’aks smile in situations like these always found ways to disquiet Neteyam.

His eyebrows hover above his eyes as his fangs bare through his smile.

“Bro! We have got to get down there!”

Neteyam shakes his head, a warning look traces his features.

“No way! Dad will skin us!”

Lo’ak shakes his head, the wind uplifting his braids as he dives.

“C’mon! Don’t be a wuss!”

The flushed first notes of an uncertain heartbeat ablaze neteyam’s mind as he dives as well.

“Shit! Lo’ak! Get back you dumbass!”

Lo’ak dived blow into the musk of what might as well be no man’s land. The air wailed and whipped around him as he hopped off his Ikran. Yanking his kuru from his banshees and running towards the chaos in question.

He looked over his shoulder to see Neteyam following suit. He laughed, waving his hand through the dust and smoke.

“C‘mom bro!”

“Lo’ak!”

“Lo’ak come back!”

Lo’ak faltered momentarily when he saw Norm directing some navi’s into a brigade to gather all the weapons from the train’s supply cart. Swiftly swerving to stay out of the dream walkers sight, he joined the forming crowd where around where Tarsem had just opened a new cart of guns.

“Here boy- take this weapon! Go!”

Lo’ak let put a silly war cry and puffed up his chest,

Neteyam came to a halt.

“Lo’ak, you don’t even know how to use it.”

Lo’ak waved the gun around like it was weightless, handling it like one of Tuk’s toys.

“Nah bro. Dad taught me!”

Neteyam rolled his eyes, done with Lo’aks bullshit.

“I’m sure he did-

Let’s go-“

He grabbed lo’aks bicep but Lo’ak shrugged him off.

“Or maybe I’ll just be like y/n and shoot down some sky demons!”

Above the clouds, you circled the ensuing hustle below. Watching the brigades, monitoring the ground team. Your bow at the ready in its position on your saddle sheath.

And then you saw them.

“Son of a bitch!”

You hissed quietly, swiftily diving down to where the duo of your headache embodied currently argued about something stupid.

Lo’ak smiled as he saw you, but it faded as he watched the shadow of your Ikran (which was larger than the average Ikran, granted)

Loom over the both as you hopped down, glaring at them.

“What are you two shitheads doing here!?”

The feathers on your raid top gently shook in the breeze, a few of your beads clanking together in your braids as you made your descend.

Neteyam seemed to straighten, but his breath seemed to form a blockade for his own voice.

Maybe it was the way the brightly covered beads and feathers of your top accentuated your skin. Or maybe it was the way the fathers in your braids matched your waist beads Kiri had made you.

Maybe it was the way your loincloth seemed a bit more perfect than usual as it hugged your hips.

Maybe it was the way the red, blue, and purple war paint on your face outlined your eyes like wings and shed down your cheeks like tears, sorrowed in starlight for you had just been warrior of the wind.

I guess we’ll never know.

Lo’ak spoke for him.

“We wanted to help! C’mon, we have the ground team to be spotters! They don’t need us! I’ve been practicing the trick you taught me with the bow, just let us fly with you- we promise we’ll-“

You shot Lo’ak down before the words flooded further, the scarlet hues ablazed and begged for nothing but obedience in your voice.

“Kehe! You will do nothing-! Go back to your post. Both of you, now!”

You swatted Lo’ak with your bow, hissing at him, Neteyam tried to drag Lo’ak away.

“Bro let’s go!-“

The sound of heavy mechanical whirring instilled the heightening of your awareness in the moment, your ears pining back as you saw the larger ship approach.

“Gun ship inbound!”

Jake shouted, you saw neytiri hiss and take off on her Ikran.

“Shit! Run!” You cursed, shoving Lo’ak and Neteyam in the opposite direction and making a break away from the approaching enemy.

As it would seem time was not in your favor, your Ikran had already been spooked away by the blast, Neteyam grabbed your hand before you could run,

“Come with us, now!

Go-!”

He shoved Lo’ak ahead of him as they ran, Neteyam’s hand clutching yours as you kept pace with the two.

The 3 of you climbed over the derailed debris, Neteyam and you scaling the bright yellow RDA logo train doors,

“Bro come on!” Lo’ak called.

A flash of light invaded your vision, the scorching heat of the blast incircled you.

You feel Neteyam attempt to reach for you, but instead all you feel is a tug on your wrist as your senses start to numb.

Your airborn for a moment, then your body collides with the uneven ground, the rocky surface below.

You groan, your vision blurring. The embers and ash clash against your skin in the harsh sting of the hot air.

You winced in pain as the adrenaline started it’s course of abandonment. The aching sensation swallows your body.

Scarlet etched its way in a jagged scratch on your side. The world seemed to darkn as the scarlet hues slowly faded to black. The sky’s golden and blue game of chance changes its rules as your eyelids become heavy.

Neteyam’s eyes shoot open as his vision readjusts itself clearly.

Lo’ak is above him, shaking him awake. Panic in the half-notes of his jagged breaths.

“Bro!? Bro! C’mon, get up we gotta go!”

Neteyam stands to his feet, groaning, but quickly regaining his senses.

He looked down at his hand to see where something small and beaded made its home in his clutch.

A bracelet?

Your bracelet.

It hit Neteyam like a tidal wave.

“Shit! Y/n-“

Neteyam tried to run past when his body collided with a taller one, Jake stood looming over his son’s, placing one hand on each of their shoulders “Hey! Easy, easy, where’s Y/n?! Are you hurt?!”

Neteyam tried to speak but all it was met with is stuttered breaths and a poor panicked exclamation.

“That way! I meant to grab her arm and I grabbed this instead-

The blast-“

Jake didn’t hesitate as he started running in the direction you were in, Lo’ak seemingly still in shock and Neteyam following his father without missing a beat,

“Stay behind boy! Get your brother out of here!”

“But sir-“

“That’s a direct order!”

Norm, quickly dragged Neteyam and lo’ak away to the sidelines of the forest to make their quick escape.

The sound of a screech flooded your ears, the footseps barely audible over the smoke and wind.

“Y/n! Oh child, Eywa no.”

You reached for your knife with the last ounce of motor control you could muster, before a hand gently lifted you on your back, the sun’s blinding silver line halo of heat scorched your eyes, you hissed and winced in pain.

The hands were familiar, it calmed you rather quickly.

You knew it was neytiri when the blurry shape of gray purple and green, faintly recognizable as her bone collared-top.

You groaned, the raw rushes of pain encased your vision.

“I’m sorry-”

You mumbled.

“Shh. No apologies, my dear girl. Come, we must go. Quickly.”

The last thing you remember is the gently shrill of her Ikran and her hand around your waist was she settled you in front of her on her ikran. The Scarlet hue no painted the wind.

☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓

When you awake, its to the sound of herbs grinding soflty in a boil. The reverberations of the grinding tool against the small wooden bowl make your ears twitch.

Your vision settles. Mo’at sits infornt of the small fire in the tsahiks tent, Tuktirey by her side.

Her big eyes blinking at her grandmother’s handy-work, her much smaller tail swishing to the beat of each sound.

You sat up slowly, with a small wince. But the pain was significantly better.

Tuk gasps

“Y/n! You're alive!”

She wraps her arms around your waist, nuzzling her little head into your chest. You smile at the smaller girls, roughly a few of her braids, kissing the top of her head.

“of course I’m alive, yawntu! It would take a million Sky People to take me out.”

You teasingly mocked the position of an archer, holding a pretend bow and arrow made out of thin air as Tuk laughed.

Mo’at gently cleared her throat, making her way to you as she placed a hand on your shoulder.

“ Child, your wounds were deep, but they shall heal quickly with the salve. Kiri shall be back with more herbs soon. But please rest, simply until the bandages are removed.”

You nodded greatfully, squeezing her hand in a gesture of thank you.

She was the closest thing you would have to a grandmother, even before your parents began their journey with Eywa. You never got to meet your actual grandparents. They died in the attack on hometree. The only memory you had of them was through the clans' stories.

You wore a choker that was strung with river pearls and brown leather, a small navy-blue colored stone in the middle. A treasured piece your grandmother once wore.

Tuk snuggled up to you in the hammock, and you gently rubbed her back.

A soft rustling made your ears perk up when Kiri slipped through the tent flap with a basket of herbs.

“Tsmuke, (sister)

You are awake.”

Her expression softened, as if tensed up since the moment you returned unconscious. It probably was.

She handed the herbs to Mo’at and kneeled at your side, gently brushing a few of your braids away from your face.

“How are you feeling? Better? I used yalna bark when grandmother wasn’t looking. Was it Lo’ak again? It’s always Neteyam getting in trouble and you getting hurt when that sxkwang gets bright ideas-“

You gently stopped her mid rant. Holding her hand gently to your chest.

“I am fine, Kiri. A few scratches and bruises has never done much harm.”

She chuckled softly, standing back to her feet to assist Mo’at with the rest of the preparations for other wounded warriors.

As the hours passed, and the sun started to set, Kiri had to drag Tuktirey off to bed and Mo’at left the tent for the night. Leaving you alone to find sleep.

Mo’at had insisted you sleep in the Tsahik’ s tent tonight. Get some extra rest.

You didn’t argue. It was better than sharing a hammock with Lo’ak. The boy snored more than what you were almost certain was normal.

It was an understatement to say you nearly killed someone when you heard the tent flap rustle. You jumped, instinctly reaching for your knife.

It was well after hours.

Everyone should be asleep.

Who was it? Were you followed when you left the train?

Was it a sky demon? An animal?

You slowly felt your heart steady once again when you saw a small pale figure enter your tent, the small glimmer of his mask dances in the firelight. Lo’ak is behind him, looking less hyper than usual. Instead, a subtle tinge of gray flickered past his eyes, but it quickly gilded itself to green and gold once it settled on your form. He released a breath of relief and spider smiled.

“See? I told you she was okay.”

It took you a moment to realize that Lo’ak was worried about you.

You gave him a small smile opening your one arm that wasn’t aching, and he slipped himself under it, sitting next to you in the hammock, resting his head on your shoulder.

Lo’ak was your best friend. But really, he was so much more than that.

He was your family. Your ride-or-die.

Your right hand.

It made you feel a bit guilty, that Lo’ak seemed to prefer you over Neteyam sometimes.

Lo’ak wanted you to be his teacher when it came to his archery training and sparring. Lo’ak wanted it to be you who he went on hunts with.

Yet again, he also only lets you braid his hair because apparently neytiri pulls too hard and Neteyam doesn’t know how to tie them off properly.

Spider was a bit of a different case.

As you grew older, you realized how much you envied your motehrs sense of lightness.

Her entire being seemed to be made of golden hour gardens and softly whispered summers.

She was strong. The strongest woman you knew.

But she was kind.

She wasn’t like Neytiri in the sense that she resented all humans.

Your mother always felt a sense of protectiveness over Spider. A small, pale boy who used his heart instead of brain, chasing shimmyflys and tripping over vines that were larger than him. She welcomed him into her circle. She shielded him from the storms of strange staring and pesky fears.

Your mother always cared for Spider. Helped him re-twist his locs and make him new loincloths and hair beads. Some of your earliest memories were you and spider playing with the small carved toys in your family’s tent, or giggling after dark under the blankets after your father told you both to go to sleep.

She argued when spider had to go back to his foster family, and ended up making bargains with him to stay overnight every few days.

You’re almost positive it’s the only motherly love spider has ever known.

He cried when your mother died.

You think he might have cried more than you did.

Sobbed for days with you, and it brought you closer together.

You smiled as Lo’ak fidgeted with one of the bracelets on your wrist.

When you were about 8, Lo’ak was 7, spider was 9, your mother carved you these special beads for the three of you to use.

You three decided to make bracelets and your father helped you string them together, all collecting charms and gifting them to one another to add.

The two biggest stones were carved river crystal the two boys collected, Lo’ak rolled the beads between his two extra fingers, sporting a bracelet of his own you and spider made him.

“So, I heard you got your ass kicked.”

Spider snickered. Sitting down in front of you.

You whacked him with your tail.

“Fuck off. Those sky demons ate my arrows.”

Spider groaned,

“I’m so pissed. I heard you fell down in a explosion and ate shit-

And now one took a picture for me!”

Lo’ak threw and arm around your shoulder and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Oh yeah. And her Romeo was panicking because he didn’t save her in time”

You flushed, shoving him away.

Spider laughed, standing up.

“I can only imagine-“

He cleared his throat, before making his voice go an obnoxious pitch higher, twirling his locs around his fingers and batting his eyes, mimcmking what was supposed to be you.

“Oh Neteyam! My big strong warrior man! Come save me!”

You hissed in annoyance, but couldn’t help but bite back laughter at the back of your throat.

Lo’ak stood to his feet, puffing up his chest and taking his braid out of the way he tied them back, letting them hang, deepening his voice and stomping towards spider, dramatically holding him in his arms as spider collapsed with a loud rehearsed sigh.

Lo’aks Neteyam imitation sent you over the edge, you were now cackling and had rolled out of your hammock.

“I’ll save you from the demon ships with my bow and arrow!”

Lo’ak, you, and spider all break into a fit of laughter, rolling around on the ground. Lo’ak steadying himself by burying his face in your shoulder as spider banged his fist on the ground, finally, as the laughter died down, the three of you stared at the top of the tent, out of breath, the only sound being the gentle wheezing endnotes of your breaths.

“Glad you kicked some ass today. Those fucking RDA pilots didn’t stand a chance against you and that bow of yours.”

Spider whispered. Nudging your shoulder gently.

You smiled at him, Lo’ak squished in between you.

The three of you said your goodnight s, and you watched the two missing parts of your circle leave the tent before they could get caught after lights out.

You nestled back into the hammock, staring up at the ceiling.

The aching in your arms hasn’t completely vanished it’s fortification of pain in your shoulder.

You gently rub circles around the small carved spiral you untied from the long shaft of your bow when spider dragged it inside.

You played with the small crystals and the beads, gently humming to yourself.

Your fingers traced along the shape, Neteyams eyes invaded your mind.

It was fascinating, really. How a warrior such as yourself had won today's battle and yet the one thing you truly yearned for was still not within your grasp.

It hurts sometimes, to think about how beautiful he was.

The way his irises encompassed golden hour in all its starlight sessions.

The air was thicker in the mountains like this, up here in high camp. Perhaps that’s why the sweltering residual warmth that rippled across your skin like lillies to a pond every time you thought of him

You wondered if he tasted like the sun. Sweet, possibly bitter. Bleak and addicting, such a delicacy deserved to never touch your lips.

Alas the stars did not align for you.

Not tonight.

You trace the spiral one last time before letting your eyes flutter closed.

Your tail flicked as you heard yet another rustling.

The sound of footsteps, slightly heavier than last time.

You groaned.

“Spider did you forget something again?..”

When no answer was heard you grumbled. Standing to your feet and untying the tent flap, only to be met with two two golden hour orbs that had just plagued your mind.

“”Neteyam?..”

authors note:

I’m finally done! I haven’t slept in two days but I’m finished. I can’t decided whether I like the way this turned out but I LOVE some of the smaller little details. Y/n is such a badass and she’s in her reputation eraaaa. We love to see it 😩👏 this first one was a lil angsty but I PROMISE y’all, this series is NOT angst. I’ve got a ton of stuff planned. I’m thinking maybe a little bit of jealous Neteyam? Some humor? Spider and Lo’ak being the captain of the ship? Mo’at being a sassy Granmda? Maybe some sister bonding with Kiri? AHHH IM SO HYPED. I, about to pass out and I can’t feel my fingers but that’s it for now! Stay tuned for part 2 🏹

-Sol

Jan 2034

“Virago” series, chp. 1.

Taglist:

@plooto

#neteyam x reader #neteyam #avatar the way of water #neteyam sully #jake avatar #kiri sully #avatar fanfiction #lo’ak x reader #neteyam x you #neytiri

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delusionalfanficwriter · 3 months

Text

Accident: part 2

Leah burst through the door of Y/n's hospital room, her breaths hurried and eyes wide with worry, having just landed in the States, thirty minutes ago.

"Shhhh," Maya hushed her, her voice a gentle command cutting through the tense air of the room. "We just got her to settle and sleep after another panic attack. She's not in good shape, but she's awake and coherent, which, considering the crash she had, is nothing short of miraculous."

"Another panic attack?" Leah's disbelief hung heavy in the air. "What's that, the seventh one in twenty-four hours?"

"It might've been more if we hadn't insisted she close her eyes and try to rest," Carina chimed in wearily, her hand rubbing circles under her tired eyes.

The exhaustion was palpable in the room, a heavy blanket draped over each of the women as they gathered around the young soccer star.

"Did Dr. Shepard give any update about her legs?" Leah's voice wavered, the question a lifeline thrown into the swirling uncertainty.

Maya and Carina exchanged a glance, a silent acknowledgment passing between them before Maya took the lead, her voice steady but tinged with concern. "Dr. Shepard said the scans show inflammation compressing the nerves, but she's hesitant to jump into surgery just yet. The risks outweigh the potential benefits. She's not confident Y/n will regain feeling in her legs, but she did offer a glimmer of hope."

Leah sank back into her seat, the weight of the news settling heavily upon her shoulders. She turned her gaze to Y/n, sleeping peacefully amidst the chaos of uncertainty. "Fucking hell. She doesn't deserve any of this. She fought so hard to rebuild her life and soccer keeps her sane..."

"Maya and I are terrified," Carina added, her voice barely above a whisper, "the mere thought of not being able to play again... it's tearing her apart."

Leah's eyes widened in disbelief. "You mean you haven't told her?"

Maya shook her head, her expression pained. "We couldn't. Not with everything she's already been through. The stress, the trauma... telling her now would only push her further into despair. Y/n's mental state is fragile, Leah. We haven’t seen her in that mental state in such a long time. We had to protect her."

“I understand. I haven’t really seen or known of her life before soccer. She still hasn’t shared much of her past despite our two year relationship.”

“Can’t blame her. It took a lot of time for her to trust us enough to let us in even partly but don’t feel any way about it. She doesn’t like dwelling on her past life but I think this might be triggering her to life before soccer.” Carina explained.

The three women conversed in low whispers until a change in the monitors caught Maya and Carina’s attention. A sudden shift in the monitors' readings drew Maya and Carina's attention like a magnet, their heads snapping in unison towards the glowing screens. Leah, sensing the change in atmosphere, followed their gaze, her heart rate picking up as she struggled to comprehend the significance of the sudden activity.

With a sense of urgency, Carina rose from her seat, her hand outstretched toward y/n's shoulder. Her touch was gentle yet firm, a silent plea for the slumbering figure to awaken. Meanwhile, Maya leaned in towards Leah, her voice a soothing murmur amidst the tension, explaining the possible cause of y/n's distress—a nightmare, triggering an alarming spike in her heart rate.

"Bambina, wake up," Carina's voice cut through the silence, laced with a mixture of concern and reassurance. "Everything is alright. Maya and I are here. Leah is also here with us, but you need to open your eyes to see she really is here. You are okay. You are okay. Bambina, c’mon."

As sweat glistened on y/n's forehead, her features contorted in the grip of her subconscious torment, she struggled to surface from the depths of her nightmare. Carina's words echoed faintly in her mind, but it was another voice—a voice she recognized and cherished—that pierced through the darkness, calling her back to consciousness.

"Hey cookie monster," Leah's voice was a beacon in the darkness, a lifeline for y/n to grasp onto. "I’m here. I just landed not long ago, but I am here holding your hand. I need you to open your eyes."

With each word of encouragement from Leah, y/n felt herself slowly breaking free from the nightmare's grasp, her consciousness emerging. And then, with a sudden jolt, she jerked awake, her eyes darting around the unfamiliar surroundings until they landed on the familiar face of her girlfriend.

Leah's hands cupped y/n’s cheeks, their foreheads pressing together in an intimate gesture of comfort. "You’re hot," Leah remarked, a hint of concern tainting her usual playful tone.

"I’m in a hospital gown," y/n chuckled weakly, trying to brush off Leah's observation with humor. But Leah's expression remained serious as she turned to Carina, voicing her suspicions.

"I think she’s running a fever," Leah said, her voice tinged with worry.

Carina wasted no time, her movements swift and decisive as she pressed the back of her hand against y/n’s forehead, confirming Leah's assessment with a muttered curse in Italian. Without hesitation, she retrieved a thermometer, her brow furrowed in concern as she watched the digital display reveal a temperature of 102.1.

“I’ll go grab a nurse to page Shepherd and Bailey.” Maya rushes out.

“Y/n, do you feel off at all?” Carina asks.

“I’m just exhausted and cold. Leah, hold me.” Y/n pleads. Leah doesn’t hesitate to sit on the bed and pull y/n in her arms, feeling her visibly shake.

As y/n's fever began to become known, she found herself sinking deeper into exhaustion, the weight of her illness pressing down on her like a leaden blanket. Despite Leah's comforting presence, a sense of unease gnawed at her insides, the fear of the unknown threatening to overwhelm her fragile resolve.

Leah sensed the shift in y/n's demeanor, her brows furrowing with concern as she watched the color drain from her cheeks. "Hey, are you okay?" she asked softly, her voice laced with worry.

Y/n forced a weak smile, but her eyes betrayed her inner turmoil. "I'm just tired," she murmured, her voice barely audible above the hum of activity in the room.

Leah's grip tightened on y/n's hand, her concern deepening with each passing moment. "You're not alone, you know," she said gently. "We're all here for you, whatever you need."

Y/n nodded faintly, but a flicker of panic danced in her eyes as a wave of exhaustion washed over her, threatening to drag her under. "I don't know if I can do this," she confessed, her voice trembling with uncertainty. "I'm so tired, Leah, and I'm scared."

Leah's heart clenched at the vulnerability in y/n's voice, her own fears momentarily forgotten as she focused on comforting her girlfriend. "You don't have to do it alone," she reassured her, her voice steady despite the turmoil raging within her. “One step at a time. You worry about kicking that fever off first.”

But even as Leah spoke the words, she could see the doubt lingering in y/n's eyes, the fear of what lay ahead threatening to consume her from within. With a heavy heart, Leah leaned in closer, her forehead pressing against y/n's as she whispered words of comfort and reassurance.

Meanwhile, Maya and Carina exchanged worried glances, their hearts heavy with concern for their friend. Despite their best efforts, they could see the toll y/n's accident and now fever was taking on her, the exhaustion evident in every line of her face.

"We need to keep a close eye on her," Maya murmured, her voice tense with worry. "The fever seems to be exacerbating her anxiety, and if she's not careful..."

Carina nodded grimly, her thoughts mirroring Maya's. "We can't let her slip through the cracks," she agreed, her gaze never leaving y/n's pale face. “We will handle this together, my love. We won’t have her go back to that mindset. We have done it before.”

#woso fanfics #woso x reader #uswnt fanfic #carina deluca #maya bishop #station 19 #greys anatomy #leah williamson x reader #leah williamson

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dinofromspac3 · 10 months

Note

Hi! Could I have 10,11 and 12’s reaction to alien reader? Perhaps realising their supposedly’human’ companion is very obviously in a human form. And that they aren’t themself, human?

I’m thinking maybe they convince reader to show their alien form more, or etc in general!

Maybe have readers alien form have yk, multiple arms? Or multiple eyes!

Sorry if this is to specific!

I absolutely love this idea! I sort of made into head canon form, I hope you don’t mind<3

Also, thank you for being my first request!

Enjoy <3

(also I think I may have only done what you actually asked for 12… oops)

Doctor Who Masterlist

10th Doctor

You’ve been traveling with the Doctor for a while, and you feel like he’s opened up to about some pretty serious stuff.

You’re happy that he’s come around to trusting you, but you can’t help but feel terribly guilty for hiding your true identity.

You were a Stask. A shape-changing lifeform that allowed you to pass as human for many years.

Your true form, however, was a grey-skinned, six-eyed, humanoid, with long white hair.

The longer you traveled with him, the more it ate away at you. Until one day, you couldn’t hide it any longer.

You left your room on the TARDIS and went to find the Doctor. He was easy enough to find, he was almost always in the console room. And if he wasn’t he was usually in the library.

“Um, Doctor?” You spoke up, calling his attention to you. You were nervous. What if he hated you for this? No, you mustn’t dwell on such things.

“Y/n!” He replied enthusiastically. He took a few steps towards you, but stopped in his tracks when he saw your face and your stature. “Y/n? What’s wrong?”

“I… I have something to tell you,” you expressed, as you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt.

“What is it? What happened?” He pressed, growing more concerned.

No matter how many times you stammered, and started over. You just couldn’t seem to get the words out.

He stared at you, his face full of worry. He could tell something wasn’t right, but he wasn’t sure why. And didn’t like not knowing.

You took a deep breath and did the only other thing you could think to do. You changed back to your true form, right in front of his eyes.

Your hair went white, and your skin back to its dull grey that you never liked. It was one of the reasons you never stayed in your true form.

His eyes went wide for a moment before his face scrunched up in total confusion. “What?!”(WOT!?) He exclaimed.

“Please don’t be mad!” You winced at his reaction, holding your hands out in front of you.

“You’re a Stask,” he pointed out the obvious, clearly dumbfounded by it all.

“Yes…”

“But-but-but what!?” He said again.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” you began dejectedly. “I understand if you want me to go.”

“Go? Go where?” The Doctor asked. Seriously, after one big shock, it takes a minute for his brain to reboot.

You just shrugged.

He shook his head, sympathetically. “No, I don’t want you to go.”

“Really!?” You felt your heart swell at that. He didn’t want you to leave, he was just a bit surprised.

11th Doctor

You’d been traveling with the Doctor for over 2 years now. Ever since he saved your life when you were trapped on that 54th century space shuttle.

The crew was human, so you’d disguised yourself as a human to avoid awkward stares. As your true form had deep violet skin, 5 inky black eyes, and pointed ears.

Your species was called Anziks. Of the many shape changer races in the universe you were not one of them, however, your people had the most advanced Shimmer technology in 3,000 neighboring galaxies. It was almost undetectable and much more comfortable than most others.

Of course, you had been wearing one when the Doctor found you. And you had been wearing it since, only taking it off when you were alone in your room on the TARDIS.

Often on your adventures you’d make passing remarks or jokes about how “humans are silly” and remembering things from your home planet. The Doctor never seemed to notice, at least he didn’t let on that he did.

Even with Anziks’s advanced Shimmer technology, it still got stuffy and little difficult to breathe after wearing it for a long period of time.

Today it was particularly bad.

The Doctor was rambling on about something, you really couldn’t say what. You had dismissed yourself quickly, heading straight to your room.

Immediately when you entered your room, you dropped the shimmer, and your deep indigo skin faded back to view, along with your ears and eyes.

You could’ve sworn you shut the door, but the next thing you knew you turned around after taking a breath, only to freeze completely, like a deer in headlights.

The Doctor stood there, a strange metal box he was holding, clattered to the floor.

“Doctor!” You practically screamed, as you quickly put the Shimmer back on, hoping somehow he’d forget.

But it was no use, he’d seen it. You’d been caught.

“Y/n?” He sputtered out, pointing at you. “No! No, no, no, no!”

“I can explain!” You blurted. “I swear I can explain! P-please don’t be angry!”

The Doctor opened his mouth to speak several times, each time with a new hand gesture, but he wasn’t really making any progress on saying anything.

You sighed, still feeling a little like you were choking in your Shimmer. And so you dropped it again, allowing the Doctor to see you how you truly looked.

His mouth snapped shut as he gaped at you.

“I don’t know why I hid it,” you admitted. “I’m sorry.”

“S-so y-you’re a-a-a—“ he stammered.

“An Anziks,” you finished for him. “I’ve been wearing a Shimmer. At first it was just for the job, to keep people from staring at me.”

“Then… we got stranded, and hunted by those Kruuls…” You explained. “and then you came and rescued me and I… there just wasn’t a good time.”

“I see,” he said, his face still slightly pale from the unexpected news.

“Are you angry with me?” You asked, hopeful he would say no.

And to your delight, he shook his head, and relief washed over you like a warm blanket of water.

He smiled and said, “It’s just nice to finally see you.”

12th Doctor

You’d only been traveling with the Doctor for a couple of months.

He was strange, and wonderful and kind, but still you were nervous to tell him your secret.

Today, you decided to confess to him, before the lie went on for too long.

You walked into the TARDIS console room, where he was reading a book on the second level. He noticed you come in but he didn’t look up.

“Doctor,” you said, taking a few more steps toward him. “I have something to tell you.”

He still didn’t look up. He licked his finger, and turned the page of his book. “Okay,” he said.

You let out a sort of shaky sigh at his aloof attitude. “Doctor, I think you should put the book down for a moment. It’s a bit… serious.”

He looked looked up at you, realizing how serious you were being, and decided to close the book as set it on the table next to him. He waited for you to continue.

You took a deep breath, before looking back at him. “I am… not human.”

He stared at you blankly, and you cringed at what that could mean.

“That’s it?” The Doctor asked, taking you completely off guard.

“W-what?”

“I mean, no offense, Y/n,” he continued. “But you’re not exactly good at hiding it.”

Now it was your turn to stare blankly at him. He’d known? How long had he known?

“So tell me,” the Doctor smiled at you. “Where are you from?”

“I…” you started, wanting to question him, but instead answered his question. “Scravikos 5.”

“Ah, Scravikos 5,” he repeated warmly. “So, you must be hiding that lovely second set of arms then?”

“Um… yes,” you said, still completely dumbfounded that he knew all along. “H-how long have you known?”

“Oh, I knew right away,” he scoffed. “It was very obvious.”

“But… you never said?”

“Why would I?” The Doctor questioned.

You shook your head, and shrugged. “Because I lied to you, I suppose?”

“Oh really it was nothing,” he waved off your reasoning. “How long have you had your arms tucked away?”

“About 8 months,” you responded. You had crashed landed on Earth a few months before you met the doctor, and you’d hidden the only thing that was your dead giveaway that you weren’t human.

Well, that must be terribly uncomfortable,” he sympathized. It was a little, and you silently tilted your head in agreement. “Well, you don’t need to hide them here,” he said, urging you to be comfortable in your own skin again.

“Oh, you mean…” you started, eyes wide in surprise at his acceptance, although truly you weren’t sure why you were surprised. He just nodded.

At that you allowed your second set of arms to sprout out of your back. With them out again, it felt instantly easier to breathe.

The Doctor smiled, and you smiled.

And you never hid them again, save for a few choice time period adventures.

#doctor who #doctor who x reader #doctor who x y/n #11th doctor x reader #11th doctor #fanfic #10th doctor #10th doctor x reader #12th doctor #12th doctor x reader

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flowercrowngods · 1 year

Text

part 1 | part 2 (these make one big story, you won't understand this part without the others)

day 03: first kiss

a/n: not sure if I vibe with this part, but I hope it's okay. also don't think you're getting fluff

A broken heart is such a thing that will make you live either in the past or in the future; never in the present moment. Lovesickness feels like a virus is attacking the very fabric of your universe, distorting time and space and leaving you floating; directionless and hurting.

That is how Steve feels as he goes through the motions of his life, getting his kids ready for finals, for their oral and written exams, or planning end-of-year school trips. While school provides a great distraction and he has mastered the art of switching into teacher mode almost effortlessly, he feels like he’s just an inch or two beside himself. Beside where he should be.

He’s dwelling in the past or mourning dozens of possible futures, an infinity of them that will end up unrealised, unlived, unloved. His heart is heavy all the time, his head hurting, and his phone chiming with an endless string of messages that go unopened, unreplied.

It’s been a few weeks since the engagement party, since he last saw Eddie — who asked if he was okay, who has been asking to see him again, to hang out, have a drink, just catch up. But every time he does, Steve just hurts, and he finds excuses.

— Sorry, it’s finals season, I’ll be spread thin for the next few weeks :(

Eddie had replied with a litany of sad, brokenhearted emojis that were at equal measures ridiculous as they were exactly what Steve was feeling. Is feeling. Will probably always be feeling, for the rest of his life and beyond.

So far, Eddie hasn’t asked him to be his best man. Steve sort of doesn’t want to give him the opportunity for that. He’s cowardly enough to wish he could avoid Eddie forever if only that meant he wouldn’t have to see his face fall and crumble when he tells him, No.

No, I can’t be your best man. I can’t make it to the wedding. I can’t make it, I can’t do this, I can’t stand by and watch as you show me and the rest of the world that your dream life is not with me. Never with me. I can’t hand you over when all I wanna do is hold you. Hold your hand. Walk you down the aisle and then sweep you up in my arms, just to run out, run away; anywhere, as long as it’s with you.

It doesn’t make sense. There won’t be an aisle, there won’t be any sweeping, there won’t be a future for them. Never has been. Not like this.

Although there was a brief moment in time where their futures almost aligned. Almost. The timing was never right, though, stumbling through the motions and currents of two lost boys’ emotions. But it was almost there, almost enough.

And it's what's been on Steve's mind all week, playing and replaying, tearing at him from the inside out, leaving him with a jigsaw puzzle of infinite pieces of could have beens, would have beens, and what ifs.

"You know," he tells Robin one evening, who has practically moved in now, claiming that broken hearts are best nursed together. "I was actually Eddie's first kiss."

To her credit, Robin doesn't drop the carton pizza at Steve's non-sequitur. She just swallows hard and looks at him in that careful way she has now, where she's trying to read him and ask his eyes to tell her what it is that she should say next. It's frustrating. It's the greatest kindness anyone has ever shown him. It makes him want to punch a wall, and it makes him want to wrap her in the warmest hug and never, ever let her go.

"You were?"

Steve just nods, his lips trembling as his throat closes up again.

"No," she says in the gentlest voice, taking his hand as she guides him to the living room couch. "I didn't know that. Do you wanna talk about it?"

He shakes his head, tucking his feet under her thigh and leaning sideways against the backrest of the couch. His head is heavy and he's tired. He's always tired, even though he doesn't cry as much anymore. It's been four weeks since the engagement party.

"No, I just, uh– Just wanted to say that."

She nods, her eyes boring into him for two, three, four seconds before she finally turns to her pizza.

He looks past her, his eyes unfocused as his mind travels back to that day when they were still in high school.

~*~

The day that Eddie told him he was gay. And Steve had asked how he knew, because he'd been wondering about his own sexuality.

"I don't know, I just know."

"Well, have you ever kissed a boy?"

And Eddie had blushed a little, charred with his feet in the dirt like he always did – still does. "No."

"Okay."

And Steve, ten years ago, had thought, why not kill two birds with one stone. "Would you like to?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I mean, I'm kinda on the fence about it? Sometimes I think I might like guys, but then other times not so much. But I've never kissed one either, so," he shrugged. "If you, like, want to? We can."

"You want me to kiss you?" Eddie sounded incredulous, but his eyes were very big, very dark, very vulnerable. And it was not a no.

"Only if you want to."

A grin split Eddie's face then and he raised his eyebrows suggestively, but there was something forced about it. "Well, what If I fall madly in love with you, Steve Harrington, hm? What then?"

"Oh, please," Steve had only snorted; the thought that Eddie would fall for him out of all people was just too absurd.

And then something had shifted between them, the air turned into something sizzling as Eddie's smile fell and he stepped closer to Steve, raising one hand to his cheek.

"Here goes my first kiss," he murmured.

"Ever?"

"If we discount Lisa from kindergarten, then yes."

Steve huffed, looking down at Eddie's lips, the moment strangely intimate – but not uncomfortably so. Being this close to Eddie wasn't something new, Steve was used to his friend's tactile nature. "Fuck Lisa from kindergarten."

"I'd really rather not," Eddie smiled before finally, finally leaning in and capturing Steve's lips in a kiss.

To this day, Steve is not sure why he went and deepened the kiss like he did. Was it because he knew this was Eddie's first and he wanted to make it good, make it last? Was it because something deep inside of him knew that he liked boys, too, and that he liked Eddie, even though that realisation wouldn't come for another year at least?

He doesn't know why, but he feels it on his lips still, the memory of their first kiss. Their only kiss. A spectacular one that ended with twin smiles after Steve showed Eddie how to move his lips, how to tilt his head, how to open his mouth to let him in. How to capture the little sigh that he would make.

Eddie had looked at him, a little dazed, and Steve grinned at him, delighted at his expression more than at the kiss itself.

"A-And did you," Eddie started, pulling his hands away from Steve and shoving them deeply into his pockets. "Did you get any closer to, uh, to finding out?"

"If I like guys?"

Eddie nodded.

Steve thought about it; about the kiss and how it wasn't as soft as making out with Nancy or Allison. How he would swallow their moans and run his hands along their soft bodies. Eddie wasn't like that. Eddie was just Eddie.

"I think I'll just stick with girls for now," he shrugged with a smile, patting Eddie on the shoulder and squeezing lightly when the other boy began to sway a little.

"Suit yourself, Harrington," Eddie said, shoving him a little. "But you're missing out."

Years later, Eddie had drunkenly confessed to him that he'd had a crush on Steve back then. For years. And Steve had wanted to ask about it, ask if it's still there, that crush, that connection on a deeper, closer level; but then Eddie told him, "Remember Chrissy? We're official now."

And all the words had died on Steve's lips. All those questions, or the confession that, Yeah, me too. Though Steve's crush on Eddie was much later, years after their first kiss, – and it never really ended.

Still hasn't. And it's not a crush. It's more. It's everything.. He's in love. In it. Caught, stuck, trapped inside, while Eddie and everyone else is on the outside, just watching him struggle.

~*~

Later that night, on his umpteenth re-run of the First Kiss Episode that's keeping him from falling asleep, leaving him frustrated and sad and wondering, his phone rings. Eddie's name pops up on the screen, the impersonal Eddie Munson feels like a knife through his heart. He couldn't bear any of the silly nicknames that Eddie's always had in his phone, and needed to go back to a clean slate.

It hurts, though. He watches, considering to let it go to voicemail – but he hasn't talked to his... to Eddie in four weeks. Barely even talked to him on his engagement party.

And even though there's a chance opening for Eddie to ask him or to talk about his wedding, Steve answers the call.

"Stevie," Eddie says, somewhere between a sigh and a hum, and immediately takes away Steve's breath.

"Hi," he rasps. His heart is racing, his hands begin to tremble and he's shaking even under the thick, warm blanket.

"Did I wake you?"

He hums a negative, not trusting himself to speak, and it comes out a pathetic croak, because God, he missed Eddie. Part of him was missing – part of him will always be missing now, he knows –, and it makes him cry. It's not a sob, not a wail, not anything that Eddie can hear or something that would alarm Robin in the other room.

They're silent tears, and he presses his face into the pillow. He should hang up.

"Stevie?" Eddie asks again, his voice so small, so gentle, so worried. "Are you okay?" And after a moment of Steve being unresponsive because he can't catch his breath without gasping, Eddie asks, "Are you crying?"

And just like a kid that tries to be brave through the pain after falling down, but breaks the moment someone asks if they're hurt, Steve lets out a tiny, broken little sob.

"Oh, Stevie baby," Eddie sighs, and he sounds so sad, so compassionate, Steve never wants to hear his name like that ever again. "Do you want me to come over?"

"No," he croaks pathetically, hitting himself once, twice, three times for not keeping it together. For not being strong enough.

I can't do this.

"What do you need?"

"Sleep," he sniffles, stupidly.

"Okay. Then I'll stay here and be silent company, yeah? Don't need to be alone. Is Robin there?" He hums again, affirmative. "Good. Want me to say something? Read to you, tell you a story? Play you some music or–"

"Eddie," Steve manages. I love you. "Just silence? But you don't have to."

"Nah, I'll stay with you," Eddie says before Steve even finished his objections. "Until you've fallen asleep, yeah?"

Steve just nods into his pillow, even though Eddie can't see or hear it.

He's watching the seconds turn into minutes as the time passes. He's so tired, but he doesn't want to let go yet. Not when Eddie is right there. Not when there's still the phantom feeling of his lips capturing Steve's, a memory that is ten years old and still as strong as the very first second.

He should have known, then. Should have leaned in for another kiss, should have told Eddie that he knows he's into boys now, too, and ask Eddie to keep kissing him.

He shouldn't have taken years.

He should have created a new world just for the two of them, with an infinite amount of futures, and all go them happy. All of them SteveAndEddie.

But he didn't. And he wants to apologise. For being so slow, for not knowing until it was too late. For pulling away these past few weeks when that's the last thing he ever wants to do. For not being strong enough; for being too weak.

I'm in love with you, he thinks. Over and over and over. Mouths it voicelessly into the silence between them. Says it out loud when after almost two hours, Eddie hangs up with a quiet, "Good night, Stevie. I miss you." He says it when Eddie's gone, the beep of an empty line the only response he gets before that cuts out, too.

And then he's all alone again.

tagging: @sexymothmanincarnate @mcneen @livsters @eddiemunchondeeznuts @abstractnaturaldisaster @steddie-as-they-go @hyperfixationgoddess @goodolefashionedloverboi @stxrcrossed186 @imzadidragonfly @eddiemunsonswife @bidisastersworld @ghost-ly-s @romanticdestruction @walkingaftermidnight07 @anaibis @rainydays35 @mightbeasleep @sunfloweringstories @korixae and thanks to everyone who said nice things about this 🤍🌷

come back tomorrow for: here come the tears (and hurt/comfort, maybe) | read part 4 here

#steddie fic #steddie #steddie week fic #steddieweek2023 #maybe I'll write the first kiss scene as one later. when my eyes dont hurt and the thought of posting doesnt make my brain eat itself #will I ever post a steddie week thing not around 2am?? -- unlikely #the emotions are dulled unless they are sharp because heartache is fun like that (and so is anxiety can I get a wahoo)#dio words #I hope I got all the tags I dont think there were any requests in reblogs but if I missed them pls dont be mad 🥺

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justmeinadaze · 7 months

Text

Children of the Night Part 2 (Steddie X You)

A/N: Shhhhhhhhh my angsty brain has entered the chat :P.

Warnings: Vampire Daddy Eddie/ Human (kinda switch) Steve/ Human Sub Fem Reader, SMUT, daddy kink (cause Im me), voyeurism (kinda; Eddie watches his baby girl and baby boy play), FLUFF, Steve talks about how he and Eddie first got together and their matching tattoos, ANGST (Sooooo much angst), Reader gets hurt (Shot) and the boys have to do sudo surgery to help her, blood drinking is mentioned in a bit of detail, reader touches on her rough childhood (brief), mentions of homophobia from their town and Steve's parents as well as some people online, Eddie waking up in the upside down is mentioned near the end.

Certain events from the show are mentioned (the deaths) but in this AU they'd happen in 2003 not 1986. I think that's everything.

Word count: 6110

When you woke up the next afternoon, Steve was missing and Eddie was fast asleep on his back beside you. Your eyes took a moment to fully take him in as you scanned the tattoos on his bare chest. He had a few mundane ones but a couple struck your attention. Near his heart was a month and a year; March 2003. Along one of his left ribs were lyrics from a song you knew fairly well; “You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be” along with the initials S.H. and the year 2002.

Getting out of bed, you went on the hunt for Steve and found him in their kitchen washing dishes.

“Hey, Y/N.”

“Hi, Steve.”

The man softly smiles along with you as you reiterate each other’s names.

“Are you hungry? I can make you a sandwich.” When you nod he begins heading towards the fridge before pausing to face you again. “Um, full disclosure, Eddie’s blood that he snacks on is in here as well. It’s not…like…open or anything but I thought I should tell you just in case it makes you uncomfortable or…”

“Oh, no. It’s ok. I don’t mind.” Grinning at your answer, he pulls out everything he needs and places it on the counter. “If he has blood in the fridge then why does he feed on you? Is it different?”

“Uh, kind of. Think about it kind of like how we humans snack between meals.” His gentle honey eyes glance your way before he continues. “Plus, he doesn’t feel comfortable taking a lot from me. He’s afraid of doing real damage. What he does take isn’t enough to be long lasting.”

“He seems to really care about you. How long have you two been together?”

Steve chuckles as he continues to focus on the task in front of him. “I like how you just found out vampires are real but your first question to me is about our relationship.”

“Hm. Like vampires, a non-toxic relationship always seemed like a fairy tale.”

His eyes met yours before sliding over your food and you flash him a polite smirk as you thank him.

“Eddie and I have been together for a little over three years. We technically grew up together but didn’t get to know each other till his third senior year of high school. He failed a lot.”, he laughs under his breath.

“Three years…2002?” Steve gives you a quizzical look as he nods. “He has a tattoo with lyrics, initials, and that year. Are you S.H.?”

Raising his tank top, he shows you his own tattoo on his left rib.

“I’d give up forever to touch you. E.M. 2002.”

“The first time I made a move, this song was randomly playing on the radio. Eddie kept talking about how corny it was. I told him I thought it was romantic and the fucker laughed at me so of course I had to kiss him.” You giggled at his story as he took your empty plate and placed it in the sink. “After I thought I lost him, I got this tattoo.”

His face fell at the memory and your heart broke for him. Trying not to dwell, he quickly cleared his throat and tried to shift focus.

“Enough about me. Tell me more about you.”

“I mean you already know the bulk of me.”

“I know about Mina. I feel like I don’t know much about Y/N.”

“There isn’t much to tell. I’ve lived here my whole life. It’s pretty much been me and my best friend… I don’t have a lot of friends or family. I have a brother but…that’s a long story.”

“What about your parents?”

“Gone. My father died when I was young and my mother is in jail.” Steve’s head tilts at your confession, not in judgement but in understanding. “Are your parents still around?”

“Uh no. They were kind of out of my life long before we moved here. We grew up in a small town before we moved here and when rumors started to spread that I was ‘fucking the freak’ they cut me off and pushed me out.”

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry, Steve. What about Eddie’s parents?”

The watch on his wrist beeps as he glances towards the window.

“He’ll be up soon so you can ask him that yourself.”

***

“What are you doing?”, Eddie asked as he came back into his room.

You wanted to give them some time alone and allow the long-haired boy to eat without you gawking at him so you hid out in their bedroom and did some work on their computer.

“Hey. I hope it’s ok, I wanted to do some quick checks on your site since I wasn’t able to moderate last night.” Pulling up an extra chair, he sat beside you as his eyes scanned the screen in front of you. “So like cursing and some of these lewd sentences Steve doesn’t care about but things like this where people threaten to hurt others or… these homophobic comments.” Your eyes glance his way as a low growl rumbles from his chest. “I’m sorry.”

Eddie blinks as if coming back into the moment.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you—”

“No, I meant…sorry you have deal with ignorance like this.”

“I don’t care if it’s directed at me. I’ve dealt with it my whole life but… he deserves better.”

“Steve told me about his parents not approving of you two; that the town you came from called you a—”

“Freak. Yeah. I was always a bit different than people there; the nerd who played D&D whose father was arrested.” Your palm comfortingly rubs his shoulder and he sighs in pleasure at the action. “He told me your mother was arrested. May I ask what for?”

“Parental neglect.”

His eyes met yours as you both read each other. Two people in this world who understood what it was like to grow up a certain way; to be a part of a club no child should ever be a part of.

Managing a smile, you turn your attention back to the monitor to continue what you were doing before. Cold fingers run through your hair, gently petting your head as your eyes flutter closed.

“You can ask me questions now if you want to, sweetheart.”

Swiveling around in your chair to face him, you hang your head and he can’t help but look at you with confusion.

“I don’t want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable.”

“Hey.” He lifts up chin and gives you what he hopes is a comforting smile. “I’m telling you it’s alright.”

At that moment, Steve walks in, handing him a black mug that blocks out its contents, and takes a seat on the bed across from where you two were sitting.

“What does the tattoo on your chest mean? The 2003?”

On impulse his hand hovers over it through his shirt as he tenderly grins at you.

“That’s when I died. When my…human heart stopped beating. Steve says I’m too dramatic.”, he chuckles trying to lighten the mood.

“He is.”

“You two got together a year before he died? Steve…”

“We’ll save that particular story for another time, honey.”

“Are there other vampires?”

“Um, I’m not going to lie we aren’t sure. We’ve tried doing research but can’t seem to find much of anything. Same with our friends.”

“You have friends?” They both laugh at your question making you giggle to. “Sorry. I just meant that you both seem like you spend a lot of time alone.”

“That’s fair. One of our closest friends set up the stream for us and does some AV Club tech mumbo jumbo to reroute the feed so no one can find us.”

“Why did you guys decide to stream what you do?”

“Money.”, they answer at the same time.

“When we left our hometown, we left with nothing. We still need a roof, I need to eat food, and he needs to be safe.”, Steve explained.

“Ok, so, you need a roof but no coffin. I imagine because it’s now nighttime, sunlight is a no go?”

“That is correct. Um, silver seems to hurt a fucking lot and crosses. I heal pretty quickly and I’ve been able to heal him. It’s just those little bites though. Thankfully, we’ve never had to try bigger wounds.”

“Can you transform like Dracula?”

“Uh…I’m not sure you want to see that but yes. It’s not like one of those cute little black bats or anything. I shift into the bats that bit me.”

“That’s how you were turned?” Eddie nods. “Is that…is that what your scars are?”

“Another time, Y/N.”

“Steve…I told her it was ok to ask and will there ever be a good time to tell that story?”

“Jesus fucking Christ. Again, why the fuck do I even bother? You never listen.”

Eddie rolls his eyes and watches him stomp out of the room.

“And I’M the drama queen.”, he jokes.

“No, I understand. He lost the man he loved for a time. I can’t imagine what that does to someone.”

“Have you ever been in love, princess?”

“The way you guys are no. I thought I was once but…”

“It wasn’t with that douchebag right?”

“No.”, you nervously chuckle. “No. I think with John I thought it was better to go through what he put me through than be alone. I hate being alone.”

“Yeah…I know the feeling.”

“Eddie, did you kill him? John.”

The boy’s jaw clenched as looked away from you. “Yes.”

“What—What did you do with him?”

“It’s better if you don’t know, Y/N.”

“Is that normal for you? Killing people.”

Something in the atmosphere changed as the vampire beside you began breathing heavier.

“Is that what you think I am? Some fucking monster that just hunts people and murders them for their blood?!”

“Eddie.”, Steve tried to comfort him as he powerwalked back into the room when he heard his partners voice raise. “Baby, everything’s ok.”

“I’m NOT a monster. If anything he was for hurting you!”

“Eddie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for my question to come out that way. I just…I’m learning. I know you were protecting me. I don’t blame you.”

The man pushes Steve back and vanishes out of the room as he runs out the front door. Sighing, he puts his hands on his hips as he hangs his head.

“I told him I didn’t want to hurt him. He insisted I ask questions.”

“I know, honey. Eddie’s always been the kind of person that doesn’t know how strong he actually is. Because of that, he overestimates how much he can handle. I on the other hand know what I can and can’t. I’ve already had the worst day of my life so I imagine nothing can be heavier than that.” His eyes glance your way before continuing.

“He’s tried to explain to me before the feelings he gets but it’s hard without feeling them myself. Depending on the emotion, he says it can physically hurt. I imagine whatever he sensed the other night… it was bad for him to kill your boyfriend.”

“When he brought me here, you said you knew he killed him because you knew him.”

“Eddie’s like a knight in shining armor. If he senses someone he cares deeply for is in danger he’ll…he’ll do what needs to be done.”

“Did he do that for you?”

“Come on, Y/N. Let me drive you home.”

########

You couldn’t sleep at all that night, tossing and turning till you finally just gave up. Taking a seat at your own computer, you decided to do some research of your own.

“E.M. +mysterious death+ S.H.”

A few things came up at first but nothing really stood out until you landed on small publication from a tiny news station in Indiana.

“City mogul’s son Steve Harrington missing; 2 of towns prominent citizens murdered!”

“S.H.”, you mumbled to yourself as you continued to read.

“Police found the bodies of two young men brutally murdered outside of the Forest Hills Trailer Park this past Wednesday, June 15, 2003. The boys had recently graduated from Hawkins High School and it is unknown at this time what they were doing in the area as that was not their place of residence.

Wayne Munson, fugitive Eddie Munson’s uncle, told our reporters that it wasn’t uncommon for people to come and harass him but there is no proof that is why they were there. Further analysis of the crime scene found the young Harrington’s DNA mixed with the others but his location at this time is undetermined.”

“E.M.”, you sigh, clicking the hyper link on his name.

There he was. A picture of a younger Eddie with a group of boys wearing a shirt that read “Hellfire” in front of what looked to be a high school cafeteria wall. He looked a bit different than he did now. As he bit his bottom lip flashing the rock & roll symbol with his hands, he seemed happy. Nothing in his demeanor that you saw matched the headline that followed.

“Eddie Munson Wanted for Murder of Young Girl.”

“Edward Munson is the prime suspect in the murder of young Hawkins High Cheerleading Senior Chrissy Cunningham who was violently butchered in the younger Munson’s residence before he fled the scene. Munson is wanted and possibly armed so proceed with caution! Call Chief Powell if you notice anything suspicious.”

There were more articles underneath discussing the case as new murders piled up and Eddie was blamed for every one of them.

“I’m not a monster.” Eddie had insisted and you believed him but obviously something happened.

Knocking on your front door gave you pause and you hastily turned off your monitor before running to answer it.

“Arthur. How can I help you?”

“Where is my brother?”, he snarled.

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen John in two days.”

“Bullshit! He said he was coming over here to talk to you but he never came back home.” Shoving his shoulder into the door, he pushed past you to look around your house.

“Arthur, get the fuck out! I told you he’s not here! I don’t know where he is!”

“Oh you don’t? How did you get that black eye, Y/N?”

“A souvenir he gave me before he fucking left.”

“Problem?” You jumped 3ft in the air when another man entered your house but this one you didn’t mind. Steve squared his shoulders as he placed himself in front of you. “I think she’s made it perfectly clear that he’s not here.”

“And who the fuck are you?”

“That’s none of your fucking business. Now…leave.”

Arthur strides forward till he’s face to face with the man in front of you as they stare each other down.

“It’s my business if you did something to him. If that whore is fucking you and John found out he would have made sure that neither of you were heard from again.”

“Get. Out.” Steve’s voice startled you. In all the time you had known him, you had never heard him be so authoritative. “This is my final warning.”

They stared at each other for another few seconds before Arthur bumped his shoulder with his own and stomped out the door. The man’s demeanor in front of you instantly deflated as he turned to check on you.

“Are you alright? Eddie sensed something and—”

Your lips cut him off as they crashed to his own. It took a moment for his brain to catch up with what was happening but when it did, he fully embraced it as his palms came up to cup your face and hold you close. As you pulled away, his thumbs caress your cheek tenderly as he smiles.

It all happens so fast.

There’s a loud bang and a sudden sting that pierces your side. Your hands shoot out to grab his biceps as the sound of growling and screaming fills the room.

“Steve?”

Your knees buckle as he catches you and once again you hear the familiar sound of their heated words.

“We have to get her back to our house! Come on!”

“No! She needs to go to a hospital!”

“If she goes to hospital, Steve, she WILL die! This isn’t a debate.” You wince when your roughly lifted into arms and the wind blows through your hair as you’re placed down on something hard. “Ok, princess. We’ll be right back.”

As soon as you start to cry, you feel a palm moving your hair out of your face.

“No! We have to get the bullet out first. Fucking hell! I still think she should be at a hospital. We don’t even know if you can heal a wound like this!”

“You can yell at me fucking later! Do whatever you have to do!”

“Eddie?” The vampire kneels beside you as he tries to dry the tears that are falling down your face. “I-I don’t think… you’re a monster.”

“Baby, don’t worry about that right now, okay?”

“I’m sorry. I like you both a lot…fuck…I think I could have been…a-a good Mina to your stream.”, you laugh weakly.

“STEVEN!”

“I’m coming! Ok, shit. Roll her on to her side and hold her still. I need her still, Eddie. Y/N, bite down on this ok, honey. I’m not going to lie; this is really going to fucking hurt.”

You take the wooden spoon he hands you and place it between your teeth as the long-haired boy holds you firmly in his grasp. You had never felt anything this bad before. As Steve dug into your wound, you bit down so hard on the material in your mouth you thought it would break.

“I know. I know, baby. You’re almost through this!”, he soothed through gritted teeth as he focused on the task in front of him.

You tried so hard to stay still but every synapse in your brain was telling you to run from the thing causing you this much pain. Eddie’s grip tightened as he held you in place while he squeezed his eyes shut. The truth was he could feel your hurt and Steve’s panic which was tearing him apart. That mixed with the delicious smell of your blood on their table was making things even harder for him.

“Got it! Go, Ed.”

He released you from his hold, quickly yanked off his shirt, and reached for the butcher knife to cut a line along his chest. Steve placed you gently on his lap as the vampire positioned your head towards the wound.

“Come on, sweetheart. I need you to drink.”

A little bit of his blood dripped onto your lower lip and your eyes widened at the taste. It was the most delicious thing you had ever had in your life. Your mouth opened wider as your limp arm tangled around his neck, bringing him closer to you as you did what he commanded.

“Fuck…is…is it working, Steve?”, Eddie moaned.

The man nodded as his eyes remained studiously on your back as he watched it gradually begin to heal. The metalhead’s fingers threaded through your hair as he held you to him.

“Baby, you-you may have to pull her…away when its time because…fuck this feels so fucking good.”

“Ok…Ok, Y/N. You’re good. Let’s not push it.” As Steve reached for you, the metalhead growled like a dog with you try to take away its toy. “Eddie…I have to take her. We don’t know what too much of your blood can do.”

To his surprise, it was his partner that pull your hair, tugging you back so his lips could mingle with your now stained ones. Your own palms cupped his cheek as his tongue invaded your mouth making you moan at the feeling. You didn’t think anything of it when his kisses travelled to your neck.

“Eddie. No.”, Steve warned but his boyfriend didn’t hear. He was so wrapped in your taste and smell as he continued to move.

Abruptly, he hissed and dropped you to the floor as he ran out of the house.

“Wh-What happened?”

“Come on, honey. Let’s get you into the shower.”, Steve deflects as he put the little silver cross in his pocket and lifts you into his arms.

##########

With your knees under your chin, you sat in the warm water and allowed Steve to clean you. He originally planned on leaving you alone but you begged him to sit with you. Rolling up his sleeves, he placed himself on the floor facing you as he washed the blood from your skin.

“Are you alright, Y/N?” As you nod your head, his fingers gently reach under your chin, and turn you to look at him. “Can you verbally answer me?”

“I’m ok. I’m… No, you won’t believe me.”

“Baby, I’m in love with a vampire. You’d be surprised what I believe.”, he jokes; softly grinning when you laugh.

“I’m…more in shock that…Arthur tried to kill me. I… I knew John was….you know…John but. I just never thought either of them would hurt me like that. I-If it wasn’t for you two…I wouldn’t be here.”

“Shhh, hey, everything’s alright. You’re safe now. Nothing like that is ever going to happen to you again. I’m sorry I couldn’t…protect you…but thankfully Eddie got there in time to keep things from getting worse.”

“Steve, what are you taking about? You did protect me. I was so scared but I felt safer when you showed up. You also just kept me from dying so I’d say you did more than protect.” Your eyes scanned him over as you politely smiled before getting to his feet and helping you out of the tub. “I feel like I should tell you something.”

“Some other time, pretty girl.”

After pulling one of their shirts over your head, he goes on the hunt for shorts so you would feel less exposed.

“Steve Harrington.” The man freezes in place as he listens to you speak. “Eddie Munson. Two boys from Indiana who went missing. One around March 2003 and the other a few months later.”

“Steve?” Eddie was suddenly in their bedroom doorway with a concerned look on his face. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong? I felt you in pain.”

“Wanted for murder of three kids including a high school cheerleader.” The vampire swiveled his head in your direction as his eyes narrowed. “I-I found some articles online. There were also two boys murdered outside of…Wayne Munson’s trailer the night Steve disappeared.”

“I know you didn’t kill those kids—”

“The first 3, no. The two a few months later—”

“Shut up, Eddie.”, Steve huffs. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Then leave and I’ll tell her.”

“No.”, the man responds curtly as he kicks back into gear and finds a pair of boxers, tossing them in your direction. “I don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone with her right now.”

“Excuse me?”, the vampire snarled as his posture straightened. “I just helped save her life.”

“You also were about to drain her and I’m not going to let you do that! She deserves better!”

“You keep saying that like living with me is a chore, Steven. Like you’re in prison or hell.”

“We’re both in fucking hell, Edward. That’s what this is.”, he gestures around him.

“You can leave any time you want to, babe.”

“Don’t you do that! After everything I do for you and everything we’ve been through, don’t condescend to me!”

“What do you want from me?! Do you want me to go back where I came from? Act like I didn’t fucking crawl to get back to you.”

Steve’s fist raised and you gasped as he smacked the vampire in the face.

“You don’t get to do that. I was there to, Eddie.”, he sighs as he comes to sit on the edge of the bed. “I’m tired. All the running, hiding, and fighting…worrying. If you bite her, all of that becomes her burden to. And god forbid we ever need to run again, I don’t want her to experience what I did. To know that empty feeling I experienced when I thought you were gone.”

Dropping the shorts he handed you to the floor, you went to sit beside him and tenderly ran your fingers through his hair.

“Even before we began talking, I watched you take care of him. I’ve never seen a love like that before. My parents hated each other and all my exes were trash. Steve… you deserve to feel good to. You deserve to have a good life. Let me…help you.”

With your hand on his cheek, you turned him to face you, bringing his lips back to yours.

“It’s ok, baby. You can use me. Let go.”, you whispered when you felt him holding back.

Steve glanced towards Eddie who smiled in return before grabbing the desk chair and placing himself in front of you both.

“Go ahead, sweetheart. Daddy can take care of himself tonight. Take control. Show Y/N what King Steve Harrington could do.”

Something flashed in the boy’s gaze when it shifted back to you; something more dominate you had never seen from him before in their previous streams. Pushing you back towards the pillows, his kisses came at a much more hectic and stronger pace.

Your fingers tugged at his shirt and he quickly pulled it off, groaning into your lips as your palm ran down his chest. His own hand caressed your thighs, slowly tracing your skin till his digits found their way between your folds.

“Please. Touch me, Steve. Can you feel how wet I am for you?”

Heavily sighing, his eyes locked with yours as his middle finger slid into your entrance.

“Fuck me. Honey, your so fucking tight.” As he slowly moved his finger, his thumb began circling your clit causing your eyes to roll as you moaned. “She’s just fucking clinging to me, Daddy. Shit.”

Eddie stifled a groan of his own as he palmed the bulge in his jeans.

“Yeah? Why don’t you put another finger in there? Give her taste of what she’s in for.”

“Can I taste you?”, you plead.

Watching with eager eyes, you wait as he leans back to push off his pants and hastily gets to his knees, pumping his cock in his hand as he brings it to your lips.

“Jesus, Steve. You’re so fucking big.” Your tongue darts out to lick the precum from his tip and the whimper he makes has you clenching, desperately needing him to put his fingers back into your needy hole.

“Say it again.”

“Your cock is so big. It’s gonna stretch me open.”

“Fuck—yeah I am, baby. Open your mouth.” You do as he instructs, opening your mouth wide as you stick out your tongue. “Good girl, Y/N.”

Thrusting his hips, his length moves between the opening making him mewl as he lifts up your shirt and kneads your breast with his hand. Hearing someone spit, he glances towards Eddie right as he was bending over his dick, allowing a glob of drool to land on the tip before stroking it along himself.

Steve couldn’t take it anymore as he turned your head towards him and fully pushed his cock down your throat. While one hand petted your hair, the other returned to your cunt as he slid two of his fingers inside of you and pumped them at a fast pace. You were barely able to catch any form of breath as you whimpered and your throat constricted around him.

“Goddamn it. Yes! Come on, baby. Cum. Cum for me.”

As his fingers curled inside of you, you moaned loudly as he held your head still while the dam broke and you came.

Steve’s eyes were wild with lust as he pulled back and passionately kisses your lips as you gradually came down from your high.

“Come on, Y/N.”, he murmured. “Let’s give Daddy a good show.”

You allowed him to take control as he moved you around till you both were facing Eddie with you on your hands and knees. The wheels of the desk chair rumbled along the floor as the vampire scooted till he was level with your face. His cold fingers grazed you skin as he helped you take of your shirt before caressing your cheek.

“You both look so beautiful like this. God, I wish you two could smell and feel how I do. You’re right, princess. He needed this. All that fucking testosterone of being in control just radiating from him and the scent of your cunt just begging for him. Fuck me.”

While Eddie talked Steve positioned himself behind your body, mewling as he guided himself into you. The metalhead grinned as he watched your eyebrows scrunch together as he began stroking his cock again at the sight.

“I know, baby. You can take it. G-Good girl. Look at Daddy, sweetheart. Fuck, you’re so pretty. How does she feel, Steve?” The man had both eyes closed while his hands took hold of your waist as he did small thrusts inside you. “Steve Harrington, I asked you something.”

“Tight…warm…fuck…”, he grunted.

“What about you, baby girl?”

“Full. He-He’s so deep. Agh!”, you whine as Steve roughly smacks his hips against yours. “Can I kiss you, please?”

Nodding his head, his fingers tangle in your hair as he leans forward allowing you to taste his lips. You groan as the man behind picks up his rhythm at the sight, thrusting into you with purpose as he hits your sensitive spot over and over.

“Don’t take your eyes of me.”, Eddie commands as he leans back and continues stroking his dick in front you.

Steve leaned his chest onto you to your back, reaching under your body to play with your nipples and massage your tits in his large palms.

“You feel so good, Y/N. So fucking wet and tight. Fuck. You take me so well, pretty girl. I knew—mmm—I knew from the first moment we talked to you…”

“W-What, baby? What did you know? Tell me, please.”

“You’re different.”, he grunted in your ear. “You don’t deserve the bullshit you’ve been through.”

Your arm reached around his neck and tilted his head so you could kiss his lips.

“I don’t ever have to worry about that again right, Steve? I’m safe with you two.”

“Fuck.”, the man growled as he pushed up onto his knees, tugging back on your hair to bring you with him. “Yeah, honey. You’re safe.”

“Jesus, it’s been—mmph—its been awhile since I’ve seen dominate Steve.”

You don’t see it but the man smirks at his vampire boyfriend as he thrusts faster into you, clinging to your body as his fingers come down to rub your clit.

“Cum, baby. Please. I need to feel you squeeze my dick the way you squeezed my fingers. Make sure y-you keep your eyes on Daddy when you do, pretty girl.”

You did as you were told, staring into Eddie’s beautiful brown eyes as you moaned Steve’s name till you were blinded by white and nearly collapsed in his arms.

“Yes! Good girl. Such a good, beautiful girl. Where can I cum, honey?”

“In-Inside. Please.”, you mumbled.

Steve glanced towards Eddie who nodded in approval and with a few more rough pumps you felt him coat your insides.

“Shit. Come here, big boy.”

After carefully pulling out of you, you watched with half lidded eyes as Steve dutifully jumped down in front of him and took his partners cock into his mouth. Eddie groaned as his movements began choppy and he came down the boy’s throat.

***

Eddie coughs before his eyes shoot open and he sits up from his spot on the cold concrete.

“Dustin? Henderson?!” Panic sets in as the silence around him become deafening. “S-Steve?”

Slowly, he wobbled to his feet taking in the upside down around him. All the bats were dead and there was none of the thunder or rumbles that had been there before. He groaned as his arms gripped his stomach. He was in an immense amount of pain. It wasn’t like a physical pain but something could almost feel in his soul.

“Eddie…”

“Steve?” The metalhead turned in every direction but didn’t see the man he loved anywhere.

“I miss you so much. I feel so lost without you, baby.”

“Steve!? I’m here! I’m right here!” Hobbling towards his trailer, he began to hear faint music.

“And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later, it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight.”

Something in the atmosphere changed and Eddie felt it immediately.

Danger.

The man’s eyes went black, his mind filling with Steve as he ran almost violently through the wall of his home and jumped through the gate in the roof onto the floor of the dark trailer below.

Your eyes shot open as you gasped awake.

“Well, that’s new.”, Eddie said sarcastically as he scanned you over.

“Hey, honey. You’re okay. Here drink this.”, Steve cooed as he hurried back into the bedroom with a bottle of water. “You’re safe, remember. It was just a nightmare.”

“No…it wasn’t.” Your eyes met with the vampires as he sighed and turned towards Steve. “She just experienced one of my memories.”

“How do you know that?”, he asked.

“I felt it. It was the same way I felt…when I woke up and…”

The other man held up his hand to silence him. “Maybe she drank enough of your blood for that to happen? I mean I’m not surprised if drinking your blood can heal, who knows what else it can do.”

“Or your dick is just that amazing.”

Steve rolled his eyes as he smirked in his boyfriend’s direction. It took them a moment to realize you had started crying as you wrapped your arms around Eddie’s neck.

“I’m so sorry you went through that. Waking up alone like that in that scary place and then feeling what you felt.” After you let him go, he kissed your forehead and Steve climbed in beside you. “There’s a lot I don’t know, huh.”

They both nodded and you did that same before laying down flat in their bed once more.

“While you were asleep I cleaned you but I wasn’t sure if you needed anything else. Do you need anything?”

“No, Steve. Thank you.”

Turning off the light beside the bed, he rolled back over to be met with your awaiting arms as you circled them around his waist and rested your head on his chest. When you absently raised your arm in the air, they both seemed confused until you found Eddie’s wrist and tugged his own limbs around your hip.

“Thank you both for what you did today.”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

As your eyes drift shut again, you feel the vampire move as he reaches over to caress Steve’s cheek and in return the man leans into it as he kisses his palm.

“I’m sorry for what I said about how you could leave if you wanted to. Sometimes I forget that pain you went through without me since I was knocked out for most of it. Feeling her dream…my memory…when I woke up, Steve, it was the first thing I felt…your grief. I can understand you not wanting her to feel that.”

“Taking care of you isn’t chore for me. I like looking out for you but I know a lot of that is panic. I work so hard to keep things the same because if they are then I know the outcome. Honestly, she scares me. Like you I like Y/N a lot but it’s been a while since we’ve been vulnerable like this, Eddie. Tonight, we got lucky but what if other bad things happen?”

“Then like tonight, I’ll handle it. You’re not alone anymore, sweetheart. We can do anything together right?” Steve’s exhales before he nods. “One day at a time, baby. Let’s just focus on the positive…like me getting to watch my two beautiful babes go at it.”

Eddie sticks out his tongue making the man chuckle.

“The three of us will have to talk about that part more but IS it ok if I’m her Daddy to?”

“Yeah, yeah of course, honey. As long as you and she are comfortable with it. Baby girl doesn’t know what she’s in for when it comes to you.”

“Well, she’ll find out soon enough.”

##############

Part 1 Here

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continuumitgirl · 1 year

Text

hi!!

so i’ve known ab subliminals, manifesting, shifting for a while, but always had minimal success. i was never able to get the ‘big’ things i wanted.

but since being on tumblr, i learnt about STATES. which i had previously known about when i had read the power of awareness by neville goddard. unfortunately, that didn’t last long as i started watching manifesting gurus on youtube and got clouded with information again. (no hate to sammy ingram) But i watched her a lot. and i never got that much movement even tho i was consistent, it would make me feel guilty if i was t affirming enough. and i would beat myself up, saying to myself “if u really want this, u need to affirm more”. i would do the 10k challenge, 10 min stuff, but it was soooo overwhelming. so much stress because i wanted so many things, and i felt like i didn’t have enough time, i had other stuff to do, so even tho i was consistent, i would stress myself out, wondering if i was doing enough, doing it right, etc.

this mindset was toxic, although i didn’t realise it then. i just would get so upset because i trying to hard. which is why it also took me a min to realise.. that i shouldn’t be trying that hard to get something … u either have it or u don’t! so anyways, one or two weeks ago, i came on here because i was done. i wanted my desires. enough. At first i got swayed by the void stuff, which made me put it on a pedestal . which made me angry, i was like bro not this shit again. i don’t wanna waste another months or years. and somehow i stumbled across states. i’ll admit it took me a second to grasp. i re read the power of awareness. and realised it is simple, once i understood it, i deleted tumblr and focused on my life, while occupying my ideal state.

One thing that i’ve been wanting a lot is to travel this year. I travelled last year a bit with my friend and spent 3 months in another country during the summer and it was phenomenal: i wanted this again for 2023. I want to live my life yk.

Well this morning my mum woke me up to tell me we are going on 2 holidays. one next month and one in easter. Athens, Greece and Verona and Venice, Italy.

i was like omg this is amazing ?? we had talked a bit about it and every time we did i was like “yes. we’re going” in my head. and today we booked those holidays.

Now what’s so special about this? Well i made a pinterest board end of 2022 with places i wanna go def this year!! every time i looked at this board i was like “it’s done” [just the way i think ab every desire, because it is done, it’s mine, it literally comes from my consciousness so it’s inseparable to me]

and yeah!! i have 2 other places on this pinterest board but it’s literally the 31st of January 2023 rn and we’ve already booked for 2 of them so that’s a fucking success. i’m so confident more than ever about my power and how the 3D truly is just a reflection of my consciousness/ state i dwell on often!!!!!

yeah as u can see i literally have athens, venice, paris and amsterdam pics on here as a vision board :))))

i want to thank @0t0mie @lotusmi and @angelsinluv (also to twitter users that explanation states v well and posted motivating content . i don’t rlly use twitter for loa stuff cus my irl friends follow me there but there’s a community over there i would lurk on that encouraged states and helped me understand that the mindless affirming in aim to TRY and get ur manifestation was pointless)

anyways i cannot wait to post more loa success stories. this way of manifesting not only makes so much sense once u grasp it. it literally is so fucking easy and effortless 😩 cannot believe it took me this look to figure it out but honestly its fine. my desires are already mine now. that’s all that matters 😎💪

#loa #law of assumption #states loa #manifesation #manifesting #manifesting success #neville goddard #void state #spiritual #subliminals #shifting #shifting consciousness #consciousness

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

Note

So Me and my boyfriend have been dating since highschool Jr year. It's been a while since then, I'm in trade school and he works at McDonald's. Lately, he's been working very late, for two weeks straight and I understand he's been busy but it feels like he was ignoring me Because the times he was "working" were more than 8-hour long shifts. This cycle kept repeating for 2 weeks and during these 2 weeks, I would express to him that I felt ignored and neglected since he barely had been speaking to me. I was lucky if I got 10 texts a day at most. Which compared to before was very little. I would tell him how I felt and he would apologize saying "sorry babe didn't mean to make you feel that way" and then he would turn around and ignore me again in the same day or the day after. This started to wear on me and it felt like I was being brushed off each time. And this Thursday it all came to a head. For context I suffer from bpd, and being ignored triggers me, I am working on the issue and trying to be better but these past 2 weeks it feels like he was just doing the one thing I asked him not to do, over and over again. And he didn't communicate very well to me, if he was stressed with work or having issues at home I would have understood if he briefly explained. But he didn't I would ask him over and over again if he was okay and he'd just brush me off and say he's fine.

This last thrusday though he did the same thing, from Thursday 9 am to 7. He was "working" and only sent me 4 texts that day. I asked him what was up and why he won't communicate with me and he ignored me MORE. And I had enough and just blew up, I told him that how he was treating me isn't fair, and it's making me unhappy and I feel negelcted and not loved, I told him I felt like he was pushing me away and for what reason I'm not sure. I was fed up and told him if he wanted to break up we could but if he didn't he should call me to work things out. He didn't call me and ignored me more. I took a few hours to myself and then I texted him to explain more, and kind of apologize. I told him that I didn't mean to be so explosive with my anger but I still feel like my dwellings were valid and I explained to him that he just went cold on me for two weeks and didn't explain anything to me. And it feels like I cannot reach him anymore, and that I don't want to break up and work on things if I made him unhappy. But it wasn't fair for him to go cold on me like that. I told him I loved him but there's only so much I can take and I needed space, He once again ignored me. This time going silent for 3 days completely.

I texted him like a day later asking if we could speak the following day. Nothing. I asked him the next day if we could meet to the same day, ignored again. I was worried about him so I texted him again the next day asking if he was at least okay and he ignored me for a couple of hours, before saying he was fine and he's not ready to talk. I respected that and told him I understand and to text when he was ready. I also apologized to him and told him that i was truly sorry for how i acted and that he didnt deserve that. He lied again and said he had work that day (it was Sunday, before the fight happened he told me he ONLY had Sunday off, I'm pretty sure it's illegal to have someone working for 7 days straight) I didn't call him out on this because I was scared I'd upset him more so I just told him I loved him and to have a good day at work.

He ignored me, again.

Please be so honest, am I the asshole? I feel like the asshole for blowing up on him and I know it was wrong for me to do that to him but I just felt stuck and emotionally stuck after being hurt by him almost daily and telling him so only to get ignored. On my end this feels shitty, and I do wish I could take back what happened but I can't. I also feel this is unfair, everytime My feelings get hurt and I express them he doesn't go to the same lengths to Apologize or make it up to me or even make a long term change, but when I hurt his feelings he acts like this and acts like I just committed some war crime against him. Maybe im being unfair but I feel unheard. I'm afraid this may be the end of our relationship and i dont want that.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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bbobpul · 9 months

Text

break my heart again 2 — njm

PAIRING. na jaemin x reader SUMMARY.how's jaemin gonna give back for all of y/n's efforts now that he finally can? it's been years—just how much has everything changed? GENRE. angst, fluff, she fell first 🤭 W/C. 3.5k NOTE. hello, part two is here! so sorry i couldn't make a taglist. i didn't have time to make one. nevertheless, i hope this fic make its way back to you. love u all and thankies sm !!!! also, my requests are open !!!

(⁠☉⁠｡⁠☉⁠)⁠!⁠→ my other works !!!!!! part one here!!

i find it hard to picture myself ever being as dedicated to something or someone again, just like how i dedicated my entire college life to na jaemin.

lately, i've been feeling like i forgot what it's like to actually have a dream. back then, na jaemin was my dream, he was my driving force. i would force myself to wake up so early in the morning just so i could see him (or his car) enter the gates of the university. i would go to school even though i am sick and feel a lot better when i get home because i saw na jaemin. but now two years after graduating, i still haven't found a decent job that i actually enjoy.

it's a common experience that many people go through, and i suppose i shouldn't complain about it. maybe i need to put in more effort and push myself harder. part of me wonders if having na jaemin back in my life would rekindle that same sense of dedication that i once had. but as i say these thoughts out loud, they sound absurd, even to myself. why would i wish for my first love to return just so i could find a decent job? why would i long for na jaemin to come back merely to feel that spark in my life again? it's puzzling why i'm even dwelling on thoughts of him and wondering if he holds the key to my happiness and success.

oh, to dream.

oh, for that old dedication to still burn within you.

if only you hadn't acted so dumb that day. could life have taken a different path? are you even happy now? if you hadn't let fear hold you back back then, if you'd actually been brave enough to listen and follow through, would you be happier today?

but no matter how much you keep bothering yourself with that memory, if people come up to you and ask if you feel bad about everything that happened that day, you'd say no. you don't feel bad at all.

deciding to let him go was one of the best things you did. he seemed happy when you left, and after that, you never heard anything about him. he's like a touchy subject in your group of friends, which can be tough sometimes since you share friends. but does it really matter now? him not being in your life probably means he's happier and more peaceful, right?

are you feeling peaceful? is being stuck in a 9-5 job that hardly brought you joy a happy situation? scratch that. did being in that job make you happy? clearly not, as you've just mustered the bravery to quit. and in doing so, you've never felt more joyful.

did you really make the right decision?

just as you were pondering your own question, your phone buzzed on the bedside table. you grabbed it and saw that the caller was renjun, your incredibly patient best friend.

"y/n," he said, his tone becoming unusually serious. "what's up?" you asked. "do you need money?" "yeah?" "here's the deal: our college is putting together a documentary film, and they've chosen your department. but guess what? your old classmates are bombarding me with messages because it looks like you're ignoring them all. frankly, i can't believe you even answered my call," he griped. "wait, hold on. what film? and why would they pick me? are they searching for someone with a post-college life so sad that it belongs in a documentary?" "well, you were practically a legend back in college, so… and apparently, the director specifically wants you, which leads to… well, another issue…" "what's the problem now?" "it's going to be directed by jaemin."

and just like that, you ended the call. but a few seconds later, renjun's call came in again.

"i'm not going to do it." "you stubborn brat." "why him?" "i have no idea!" "why is he even directing? wasn't he studying architecture or something?" "i don't know, y/n. i haven't heard a single thing about him since your graduation." "what do you mean?" "that's not important now, y/n. you're in need of money, right? seize the opportunity. do it for the cash." “so will you do it or will you do it?” “for the cash.”

...

"y/n, you've moved on, haven't you? what's done is done. i'm pretty sure jaemin has forgotten all about it. this chance is coming your way, so just accept it." "i guess i will."

you're drawn in by the idea of making some extra money and the possibility of catching the eye of potential agents or employers. right now, you're at a crossroads, thinking about how this documentary could be a stepping stone to more job opportunities down the line. this situation is different from what usually drives you – this time, it's not about others, it's about focusing on your own goals and aspirations.

you're deliberately avoiding dwelling on your past. just as renjun mentioned, you've moved beyond it. what's done is done. right now, your focus is firmly on the present and the potential that lies ahead in the future.

what's in the past is behind us, including whatever existed between jaemin and you.

from renjun

tomorrow at lunchtime, they'll be going over the schedules and discussing what to film. if you want, you can chat with the director now. his number is 0825 813 2000.

in response, you simply replied with a "okay."

the night before the lunch meeting, a jumble of emotions has you in its grip. the idea of reconnecting with jaemin, who used to be your best friend and is now someone distant, fills you with a sense of awkwardness. you tell yourself that this is about working together and the chance to grow professionally.

after taking a deep breath, you decide to shoot jaemin a text. your fingers hesitate as you type, and the uncertainty you're feeling seems to seep into your message. you finally press send, and your text reads, "hey, it's y/n. heard we're meeting tomorrow for the documentary. just wanted to check in before that."

in almost no time, your phone buzzes with a response: "hey y/n, good to hear from you. yeah, looking forward to our meeting. let's catch up and chat about the project."

the conversation is polite, but beneath the surface, there's an unspoken layer of complexity. you can feel the hesitation in your exchange, a silent recognition of the shared history that's now a distant memory. as you talk about the meeting and the documentary, the easy flow you once had is noticeably absent.

as the texts go back and forth, a sense of tension seems to hang in the air. it's as though the years of friendship you once had are casting a shadow over your conversation. the effortless connection you once shared now requires effort, and both of you can sense the change.

as the conversation wraps up with a simple "see you tomorrow," you're left with a mix of excitement and anxiety. the idea of seeing jaemin again, especially in a professional context, stirs up a range of emotions. this situation is a stark reminder of just how much things have changed – and maybe how some things can't go back to the way they were.

you believed the conversation had concluded, only for your phone to ring once more, bearing yet another message from him. as you read the words on the screen, "i missed you, y/n," a rush of emotions floods over you.

"what's going on with him?" you mutter to yourself, your eyebrows knitting together in confusion. your gaze remains fixed on the message for a moment, your attention drawn to the three blinking dots in the corner – a sign that he's in the process of typing a response. several more seconds tick by, the dots eventually vanishing, and in response, you shut your phone off. you make an attempt to settle into bed and get some rest, but truth be told, it's hard to claim you managed to sleep soundly that night. an undercurrent of thoughts and emotions keeps your mind restless.

the day of lunch lunch finally arrived. you sat across from jaemin, his words forming a distant hum as your thoughts remained clouded and preoccupied. the lingering impact of his recent message kept you in a state of unease, making it difficult to fully engage in the conversation he was leading.

then, something inside you snapped, and you found yourself abruptly interrupting him with a question that had been gnawing at you, "why me?"

he looked at you, his gaze steady, and his response was quick, "why not you?"

your frustration simmered as his words hit you. he was choosing to be cryptic, and it was only adding to your confusion. pushing past your exasperation, you pressed on, "listen, i know we didn't part on the best terms, but why come back now and act like everything's fine? i mean, sure, it's better than hostility, but why choose me? i'm the one who's no longer part of your life."

his expression remained neutral, void of any emotions as he replied, "that's not true."

you raised an eyebrow, challenging him to elaborate. "what's not true?"

"that you have nothing to do with my life, y/n," he stated firmly.

the weight of his words settled heavily between you two, the gravity of the situation growing more apparent. the lunch table had transformed into an arena for confronting unresolved issues.

you scoffed, unable to hold back your disbelief. "jaemin, i made one mistake, and now you're trying to imply that my actions shaped your entire life?"

his eyes held yours, unwavering. "y/n, it's not just about that one mistake. everything that followed, everything that shaped who i am today… it's all connected to you."

your mind reeled, trying to grasp the enormity of what he was suggesting. the complexities of your shared history seemed to crash over you, leaving you grappling with a whirlwind of emotions and a tangled web of unspoken feelings.

the weight of his words left you momentarily speechless, and in an attempt to shift away from the intensity, you sought to change the subject. "where are the other producers? why is it just you here?"

"y/n…" he began, his tone suggesting he wanted to continue the previous conversation.

however, you opted to sidestep the discussion entirely. you pretended as if the profound exchange hadn't just occurred. "i notice you're taking on the role of a director now. quite the career shift, huh?" you inquired, masking your internal turmoil with a casual demeanor. you acted as if there hadn't been a two-year gap in your connection, as though things between you were perfectly ordinary.

he met your gaze, a faint hint of something unreadable in his eyes. "i pursued another dream when i felt i'd lost the chance for my first one."

"your first dream… not architecture, then?" you prodded, curious about the direction he had taken.

he shook his head, a soft chuckle escaping him, leaving you puzzled yet again. "no, not architecture. well, i suppose that just wasn't meant for me back then, but maybe it is now."

the cryptic nature of his response only added to the layers of confusion and intrigue that surrounded him. there was something about the way he spoke that hinted at deeper currents beneath the surface, emotions and experiences that he hadn't fully revealed. you found yourself torn between the desire to push for answers and the instinct to allow him his privacy. the lunch meeting had transformed into a stage for untangling not just the complexities of the documentary but also the intricate web of emotions and history between you and jaemin.

leaving the restaurant, a whirlwind of unanswered questions dances in your mind. yet, for now, you choose to tuck those thoughts away, focusing instead on the looming filming date just a few days away – next saturday.

in the span of time between that lunch and the upcoming shoot, jaemin proves consistent in his attempts to bridge the gap between you two. he regularly reaches out, updating you about his day and proposing get-togethers, which you consistently decline.

the days pass, marked by a series of messages and missed opportunities. despite the undeniable tension, there's an undeniable persistence on jaemin's part, a determined effort to reconnect and reestablish a sense of familiarity. however, your apprehensions and the memories of your past dynamics hold you back, keeping you from embracing his overtures.

as the countdown to the filming day continues, you find yourself in a delicate dance – balancing the unresolved history between you and the prospects of the future. the lines between your personal and professional lives are blurred, and the documentary project becomes a backdrop against which the intricacies of your relationship with jaemin play out.

you find yourself constantly pondering what his intentions could be. his actions leave you wondering, and you can't help but question what he's aiming for. in your perspective, you're merely a negative aspect of his life – a streak of misfortune. you would have expected him to have learned from the past, but his determination remains unshakeable.

as you contemplate these thoughts, your phone lights up once more, bearing yet another message from him. his name on the screen triggers a whirlwind of emotions – a mixture of uncertainty, annoyance, and a hint of curiosity. opening the message, you brace yourself for whatever he might convey this time. the consistency in his attempts at communication only serves to deepen the intricate web of emotions you hold for him, leaving you caught between your shared history and the unpredictability of the present.

"the offer's still there, y/n. :)" "jaemin, let's be real. just because i'm on board with your documentary idea doesn't mean we're suddenly best buds again. a lot has changed." "i want to reconnect, though." "actually, scratch that. i want to get to know you all over again." "jaemin, i appreciate the effort, but let's keep things professional, okay?" “i’m sorry, y/n. goodnight.”

after your straightforward message, his responses ceased. a silence settled in, stretching on until saturday – the day you were set to see him again. the anticipation and uncertainty had been building, and now the moment was finally at hand.

you stepped into the studio and immediately noticed that you and jaemin were the only ones present. your confusion must have been evident on your face, prompting him to address the situation promptly.

"um, the team thought having fewer people in the room would create a more personal atmosphere," he began, his voice carrying a hint of unease. "and, well, they decided to keep me here, you know, being the director and all, and also because we have a history…"

his words trailed off, and there was a subtle vulnerability in his tone. it was as if he was acknowledging the intricacies of your past connection, while simultaneously recognizing the complexities it introduced into your current dynamic. the studio, usually a place of creativity and collaboration, had transformed into a space laden with the weight of your shared history.

"it's okay," you responded, your words carrying a touch of reassurance. as your reply registered, a faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips – a detail you couldn't help but notice. after all, it was that very smile that had ignited four years of your life, a smile that held memories and emotions you had both shared.

"um, i'll just ask you a few questions, and then you're free to go," he stated, his voice carrying a hint of nervousness that didn't escape your notice. this new facet of his demeanor felt unfamiliar to you, a departure from the confident jaemin you had known.

you found yourself disliking this uneasiness, and a thought occurred to you – maybe it was time to rekindle something within him. as he began asking you questions, you decided to respond in a way that would evoke a certain familiarity between you two. it was a subtle attempt to bridge the gap, to draw out the person you once knew.

you had believed that his silence was what you wanted. you had convinced yourself that distancing yourself from him would protect you from the past mistakes. but now, facing the reality of the situation, you realized that perhaps a certain selfishness was ingrained within you. maybe, just maybe, you yearned to erase the distance, to defy your own rationalizations.

in this moment, you found yourself yearning to rekindle what had been lost, to bring back a connection that once meant so much. the conflicting emotions within you painted a complex picture of your desires – a battle between self-preservation and the longing for something more.

however, as you locked eyes with him and saw the lack of any discernible emotion in his gaze, a haunting wave of fear resurfaced within you. in that moment, it was as if time rewound, taking you back to the day of your graduation when your heart and spirit had felt shattered. the memory of that painful experience rushed back, accompanied by the doubts and uncertainties that had plagued you.

if you were to truly confront your own feelings, you'd admit that what you witnessed that night had left you questioning your own worth. the events had stirred up doubts about whether you had ever been deserving of taking risks for, whether you had ever been someone worth fighting for.

"hey, good morning, y/n."

"morning, director."

"how's today treating you?"

"pretty good, thanks."

"hmm, and what's life been like after college?"

"…"

"take your time."

"at first, i felt okay. my friends were all getting closer to their dreams, and i was genuinely happy for them. especially…"

"especially who?"

"especially the person i left behind."

"…"

"i was content being happy for someone else. then another year went by, and i wasn't feeling so great anymore."

"do you really think they're happy?"

"hmm?"

"the person you left behind."

"yeah. and my other friends seem happy too. they've got jobs they love, they're with people they care about, and i only had… renjun *laughs* … but sometimes, i can't help but feel like i'm the one who got left behind, you know? even though i was the one who walked away."

"let's talk about your person."

"oh *laughs* he's not my person."

pausing for a moment, you glanced at jaemin behind the camera. the question lingered in your mind: what was he trying to do? his actions and intentions remained a puzzle.

his expression grew serious, his gaze fixed intently on you. it was as if he had something to convey, something he was holding back.

"the last time i actually saw him was in an instagram post. he was with some girl. it happened on my graduation day. i waited the whole day, hoping he'd appear in the midst of the crowd. when he didn't, i held onto the possibility of seeing him by the gates. but that didn't happen either. my last hope was maybe he'd send me a single message, but by the end of the day, nothing came. then i went on instagram and saw a photo – a warning, i guess. a warning that i should just stop hoping. that… happened a few weeks later, i think. or maybe it was just a few days after our argument, the one where he told me he couldn't love… yeah."

you met his gaze and once again, his face was serious. his eyes were furrowed and his mouth was slightly open. a few moments passed, and he let out a shaky breath. screw it, you thought, it's out there now and i don't care anymore.

your silent exchange was interrupted as he shifted the camera away. confusion clouded your thoughts as you watched him move. he turned back to you, his expression still serious, and then he grabbed a chair from the nearby table. he sat down with his back facing you.

the room felt charged with unspoken emotions, leaving you to question his intentions and actions. it was as if he was peeling away layers, searching for something beneath the surface.

"did you know that…" he began, his voice breaking the silence. "she was his sister?"

"i never told you about her, that's on me," he admitted with a chuckle. "that was her last day, y/n. so i decided to spend the entire day with her. i'm sorry."

you were taken aback. "i'm sorry–"

"it's okay, y/n."

"i know i left you with so many questions that night, but let me tell you… every effort you made, every cookie you baked, i cherished all of it. i loved you. i'm sorry if my actions made you doubt yourself."

another pause filled the air.

"i left when you left."

"you were my dream. architecture wasn't really my passion, you know? i was struggling a lot, but luckily, you were there with me. i decided to chase after what i truly loved when you left, because i realized if i wanted you back in my life, it should be when i'm at my best, right? i wasn't lying when i said i couldn't love. i didn't want to love you when i was broken. i wanted to be the best version of myself for you. i thought that if i wanted you to be with the best person, then that should be me. so i became that person, a director, and then i planned all of this." his eyes finally met yours.

"i was always looking at you."

tears welled up in your eyes, and he seemed to notice. he took a step towards you and enveloped you in his arms.

"i'm sorry for not holding onto you back then, baby. but i promise, i won't let go of you now," he whispered.

"i'm sorry for leaving, jaemin," you sobbed.

"shh, you did what you thought was right."

"do you want to have lunch with me now?" he asked.

a mixture of emotions flooded your heart, and with a nod, you replied, "yes, jaemin."

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arielstruggles · 7 months

Text

Banished Angel

the dawn of regret chp.2

pairing: joel miller x fem reader

summary: you decide to do as he asks and act like nothing has happened. It only works till a certain point.

w.c: 4.2k

warnings: slight angst, mentions of death and sexual harassment, age gap, no smut, a little bit emotions and suff, some fluff, some cheesiness, idk i'll add if i can find

a/n: I could not proof read it since it's 5 in the morning when i finish this so sorry in advance. I do have two different ideas out how their relationship evolve but i can't decide honestly. Also didn't add any smut because i wanted to deepen their emotional connection anyway hope you enjoy! chapter one here chapter three

(p.s. Feedbacks are appreciated.)

"Just because we fucked does not mean you are something to me. You are clearly desperate for attention. You want someone to love you. But that ain’t me. You’re nobody." When you close the door behind you, his voice echoes inside of your head. For a split second, with the heat of the moment you were naïve enough to think that he also had feelings for you. Though you stopped yourself from crying in front of him you can’t stop this time, when you are all by yourself in your living room. Tears come one by one and you are unable to interrupt them. You pull your knees to yourself and wrap your arms around them and a loud sob leaves your lips. “you’re nobody” it hurts. The loneliness that mustered inside you for years surfaces. You have nobody to lean on since both of your parents got infected and left you in this messed up world all by yourself. His words hit somewhere so close to home that you desperately tried to hurt him back. You are all alone, you literally need someone to love you as he said. He saw right through you; you have never felt so exposed. That’s why now you feel like somebody is ripping your heart out. Maybe it was an hour of intimacy but it felt like more than that. It was the first time in years somebody hold you like he did. You were trying to survive when Maria and Tommy found you in a fucking cave all by yourself, you could have died and nobody would even know you existed. You were so close to starving; they take you with them. You can’t stop crying, your body shakes with each sob. Years of agony finally let’s itself loose with this morning’s disappointment. Your eyelids get heavier with each tear drop. When you wake up from your nap, your head hurts. The sharp, throbbing pain does not help your already fucked up emotional state. Your pocket watch shows that it’s 7pm which means it has been six long hours since that incident. Thoughts flood to your head once again. You start to question yourself. Why he snapped so suddenly? Did I so something wrong? Maybe you did something to deserve all his words. When he was touching you, kissing you hungrily it felt like your souls are bonding, apparently this was not the case for him. Your touch starved body greeted him so eagerly when he kissed you or when you were laying on his chest. You have never been a realist person, even in the darkest times you found something bright or else you could not have survived all alone for years. So naturally, you expected same thing from Joel, you expected a couple of nice words from him. A cold chuckle leaves your lips and melts into air when you realize how you needed someone to take care of you. You wanted him to say I love you. But you don’t even know whether you are in love with him or not. Maybe expecting so much was your fault but being so mean was definitely his.

Different thoughts about Joel dwell on your mind while you prepare yourself something to eat. A part of you still waits for him to knock on your door and apologize. But he does not. You eat your food in silence and find different things to occupy your mind to not to think of where he touched you. You definitely do not think about how you melted in his arms. You could swear that his smell is still on you, you were that close. But now you are far from each other. Maybe I am looking at things from a very sentimental perspective, you mutter. Still desperate to find a tiniest bit of reason to forgive him. A little bit of affection is all you crave. But then you remember his poisonous words. It is obvious that he will not do anything so you decide to act like nothing has happened. Just like he has said. “You forget what happened, I’ll do the same.” Unless he comes by an apologize properly you will act like nothing has happened. You will say hello and goodbye but that will be it. Just like before.

He is not as careless as you think though. Guilt accumulates in his chest with each passing second. He swallows a big sip from his whiskey watching the wall right across him. He remembers every little detail. How you get excited when he touched your thigh, how flushed your face when you watch yourself on the mirror. When he saw how excited you are, he could almost feel your racing heartbeats. A crooked smile creeps up on his lips for a second but he immediately remembers how things turned out because of him and his face get clouded with shame and guilt once again. But it was for the best, he thinks. He was old enough to be your dad. He could never do such thing. He would feel like a predator. Even though you are a fully grown adult you were thirty years younger than him. In his eyes, this was unacceptable. No, he would rather you to hate him rather than feeling like he’s taking advantage of you. But this does not stop him from thinking the sweet moment you had earlier. “You deserve to die alone! If your daughter knew all this, she would’ve hated you.” he questions whether Sarah would have hated him or not. Would she hate him because he fucked a girl who is younger than her daughter, or would she hate her because of how he treated her. The questions stay unanswered. At the back of his mind, he knows he deserves to die alone. He killed so many people, he told so many lies. He was the far cry from a good man. As much as he tries to redeem himself, he still has nightmares of random strangers begging for his mercy. But he can’t change the past. And he most definitely can’t put his bloody hands on you, not again

Even though you decided to act like nothing has happened you are not sure if you can manage to do that so you try your hardest to avoid him. You don’t leave your house for three days. You will inevitably see him on your next patrol but until then you don’t want to see him however you crave his touch, you can’t stop yourself from wanting to hug him tightly, burrow your face in his neck. On the third day of your self-isolation you leave your house to get some alcohol in your system. The more you isolate yourself the more you think about him so you think it’d helpful to drink something, to numb your senses a little bit. When you stepped inside Tipsy Bison you are grateful that he is not there. You get yourself a drink and sit on a stool, sipping your drink when you see Tommy approaches you. You are not sure if Joel told him anything or not but you decide to shut your mouth anyway. “couldn’t see you since your patrol, you okay?” he asks “everything is fine, I was just needed some alone time.” you lie. He nods and leaves you alone. You’re not so sure if he believes you. After a couple of drinks you head to your empty home, cold atmosphere embraces you when you step inside. Your eyes catch a glimpse of a broad figure in front of your door while you sit on the chair by the window. You peer up at him behind curtains. You are not that drunk, you’re just tipsy so you can’t be imagining him, can you? Are you that desperate for him? You don’t even realize you’re holding your breath and wait for him to knock. Then he decides not to and leaves your door without even saying anything. Your blood boils in your veins. “Coward.” You scream but he can’t hear you. “Coward” but his action fuels you. He could have knocked on your door and apologize, for god’s skae he came to your door. But he didn’t even have the guts to knock. You know better than ever know. You are done with his stupidity.

When your patrol day comes you get ready and wait for Joel outside your door. You are nor nervous, not after he comes to your door then leaves without even facing with you. When he approaches you, Your calm state startles you. Heart break and disappointment buried deep inside your soul. You are certain, you will act like nothing has happened since you are a nobody. “hello.” You say, your voice is not as cold as you intended it to be. He nods in return. No talking, just a small gesture. “We will go this way.” He gestures with his hand. “okay.” The atmosphere is tense, you wait for Joel to say something mean to break your heart even more but he does not. It’s still dark outside. And quiet. You can hear your footsteps. There is a stupid part of you, still dying for his attention. But for the first time in your life your senses overpowers and you don’t say anything. You see freshly bloomed flowers and cheer up for a brief moment. “Oh my god! Didn’t know there are still flowers blooming!” you chirp. Joel smiles at your reaction but you don’t see it. “It is rare, but there are indeed flowers blooming some places.” He comments with his usual distant tone. you don’t expect a comment from him at all and he does not know why he felt the urge to reply. You pick up a flower and put it inside your notebook. You walk and walk. Then you reach to the radio tower which is this week’s final destination for you. You climb the stairs and get inside. You listen carefully to hear if there are any clickers around, it is quiet then you rest your back to wall and sit on the floor. For now, at least. After a while Joel returns and joins you. Silence lingers on in the room. It is unnerving. You are dying to talk but unless he talks you won’t. You steal glances from him. His greying hair looks extra soft and curly today. He seems like he didn’t shave for a long time. After a while you close your eyes to rest them, you know you are not allowed to sleep during your patrols, so you are just resting. But then you fell asleep. This situation maddens Joel, he finds it irresponsible. He calls your name a couple of times but you are not a light sleeper. He lets you sleep. Your eyelashes trembling every once in a while, and you murmur nonsense in your sleep, but you seem so comfortable even if you sleep in a sitting position. As if he does not feel guilty, your sleeping figure makes it worse. He feels like a disgusting human being. He tries to find something to make a makeshift blanket but he can’t. And not to give you a further hope he does not cover you with his coat. After making sure you’re fast asleep he quietly approaches you, brushing your hair with his fingers softly. His touch is feather light so it does not even wake you. He tucks the hair that falls in front of your eyes, behind your ears. For a second he questions about doing or not doing it then he kisses your temple lightly and gets back to his place that he was sitting earlier. When you wake up Joel almost barks at you “You are supposed to stay awake!” you snap back “you could have woken me up!” “well, I tried.” He rolls his eyes. The rest of your patrol goes pretty much quiet. Then you go back to Jackson.

Even though he told you to act like nothing has happened your approach towards him bugs Joel. Deep down he expects you to hate him or like him. His self-hatred is too powerful that he can’t think nobody could care about him without wanting a favor back. But you care about him. A part of him is desperate for this. He is in a constant battle with himself. He is not a good man or a bad man. He does what he had to do. But it does not feel like it. So, neither being with you nor letting you to fall for him is not even an option in his eyes. He does not know he already gave you enough reason to think about him constantly. Thank god your pride is stronger than your emotions or else you’d be begging for his love. Days pass rather dull since you can’t stop your thoughts about Joel so one night you do something extremely dangerous and stupid. It’s past midnight and mostly everywhere covered with snow. You wear your gloves and coat, take your backpack and gun then leave your house for a night walk. At first you are certain that you are still in Jackson and close to your home. With each step you take you get further away from Jackson. The last thing you know is you are fucking lost. In the dead of night on a freezing weather. At first you think you are getting closer because you think you see a light then you realize it is a mistake. After fifteen minutes of wandering around you have no reliable solution to return your warm bed. Your brain tries to keep you calm but your heart wants to scream. Screaming is the stupidest thing you can do so you are trying to keep your cool. In the middle of your loud thoughts, you hear footsteps. Your hand slides to the gun in its holster and you hold your breath. Your heartbeats get faster and faster. You can see the siluette of the figure approaches you. “Joel?” you call his name. Your hand is on your gun. But it is not Joel. It is another man. You don’t know who he is, but there is a chance that he might be a raider, the moment you turn the other side you see another man. One of them speaks “Would you like to come with us? we live down here with a group of people.” his voice is disturbing. You know you can’t trust them. Your grip tightens around your gun but your hands are shaking. With the adrenaline rush in your veins, you run and run till you run out of breath they run after you. At this point you have not a clue about where you are. Your gun fell on the ground and once you think it is safe enough you kneel to look for your gun. With the sharp pain at the nape of your neck you black out.

When your vision starts to come back the first thing you realize is you are not in the woods, hell you don’t even know where you are because it is so fucking dark. Your hands and legs are tied tightly and you sit on the floor. Your mouth is taped. You feel like you are about to die. All the memories rush through your head from your childhood to this day not all of them desirable. Even though a voice at the far back in your head desires death at the moment, you desperately want to live. You curse that you didn’t take your pocket knife with you, not that you could do anything but maybe it would have been helpful since you dropped your gun and don’t even know where it is. The man you first saw approaches you in the darkness. “so, what brings you here?” he asks you can’t answer because of the tape but even If you could you would not. He then, rips off the tape on your mouth. “answer me!” “fuck yourself.” You bark. You don’t know what is the reason behind this anger. Your own stupidity? This motherfucker? or Joel? Probably all of them. When he slaps across your face your face burn with pain. It fucking stings. He grips your hair tightly and makes you look at him “watch out your mouth cunt. You don’t want to die, are you?” “do it you coward. Kill me already.” You know this is not the best response you could give. He yanks your head to the wall behind you and you feel dizzy with the sensation, the following punch on your nose causes the warm blood leaking from your nose. “are you a raider?” you ask, it is a stupid question but apparently this man is more stupid than you. “congrats your guess is correct!” he answers with a condescending tone. “why did you kidnap me?” “because you seemed like a good use.” We can trade you with food, we can fuck you, you know a whore is needed in an all-men camp.” His grin is the most disgusting thing you have ever seen, you try to memorize his features because one day you may have to kick his ass, his blonde hair and blue eyes make him a villain already. When the other man comes the blonde one shuts his mouth. He tries to feed you with some disgusting looking food just so you don’t lose your “appeal” and when you spit on his face another smack is you get in return. The quiet one is just checking out just in case blonde one needs a backup. You try your best to look tough in front of these monsters but the urge to cry is so strong. You know how horrible raiders are. You don’t know the time but you can choose sunlight from here and there in this god forsaken room. A couple of hours later though when it’s light enough, you realize that you are in the shed you and joel had sex. You want to throw up. You see the mirror, the couch. “You and that old man had a great time here.” The blonde man grins as if sensing your thoughts. The heat rises from your cheeks. You hate the idea of these vile creatures know about you. “I wish we could watch, but hearing your moans gave me a boner.” He laughs. “maybe I should taste that cunt too?” you are beyond repulsed at the moment. Fear, disgust and sadness takes control of you. “you can only fuck your fist. You ugly motherfucker.” “wanna test it out?” the quiet tells him to shut up. You hear a scream and the quiet man leaves the shed leaving you alone with the blonde man.

As if he is waiting for this moment, he gets closer to you. He rubs your cheek. “now, we’re alone. I’ll see what that old man could taste.” When he gets closer to kiss you, you hit his head with your head. He yelps in pain and he tightly wrap his hands around your neck. You can hardly breath. You are certain that in a minute you’ll be dead. When you see Joel creeping in behind the blonde man tears run down on your cheeks “don’t cry pretty girl, you’ll be dead soon.” Then Joel knocks him out and gives him a couple of serious wounds. He unties your ankles and wrists and he hugs you tightly. “the man-““don’t worry about him now, Tommy is around, he will take care of it.” he says. He helps you out and you leave the shed together. “there was another man.” “I know darling” you feel so tired but the safety being next to him is unexplainable.

He takes you his home and sits you on his couch while wrapping you in a blanket. When he returns with a warm cloth, he wipes down your face. “Now, tell me darling what the fuck was the reason for you to leave your house at the ass crack of dawn!” he says sternly. He thinks it has been a couple of hours… “How you found me?” “the marks in the snow. Also, I reckoned you might get a lil emotional and stuff.” So, he thought you would visit the shed because of the memories. “Why did you leave your house?” the Texan rasps while softly patting the cloth. “I was bored and I wanted to take a night walk.” “You left your house at night! Are you outta your goddamn mind girl!” You don’t have an answer for that. “You know how dangerous that is? You know what they could do to you? look at you your face is a mess!” “Why do you care!” he does not have an answer for your question. Because his heart and brain tells two different things “How did you realize I was not at home Joel?” you mutter . “stop by your place this mornin’ you didn’t answer. Knocked and called out your name, you didn’t answer. Thought you were, yknow mad at me or somethin’ then I wanted to check in anyway, you forgot to lock your back door by the way.” He smiles guiltily. Then you realize he entered your house and could not find you. “your backpack was gone and I thought, you left then I told Tommy, we decided to look for ya.” You feel all warm and fuzzy. All your anger is gone instantly.

“why did you stop by my place?” you ask. He does not answer. But you have a wild guess. You choose to keep it to yourself. “I thought I was going to-““shhh” he kisses your forehead. “I got you.” You are scared to ask another question. The former memory of you still tickles your brain. He holds you softly by the chin and intently studies your scars with furrowed brows. “You need any painkillers? Asprin?” “no” you are enough, you want to add but you don’t. Now you have no idea how to respond him. His actions may be deriving from your state. Or maybe he really cares about you! you are not sure. Your eyes lock for a while. You lose yourself in his chocolate browns. The more he looks at you the more he feels guilty because he wants to kiss you “did they do any-“ you interrupt him “no.” he nods. He gets up from the couch and leave you all alone with your thoughts. The power he holds on you is unbelievable. He was holding you a second ago and you miss his touch already. When he returns with two mugs in his hands you let yourself lose the control of your emotions for once again. “thought I’d help” he hands you the cup when you take it from him your fingers brush each other and you the pool of emotions gets bigger inside you. You smile warmly in return. He sits right beside you, you sip your coffees in silence. This time, you let the silence linger. It does not bother you. On the contrary, it calms you down. You lean your head on his shoulder, he leaves a kiss on your forehead. You don’t know it is the second forehead kiss he has given you, you were asleep in the first one. You wonder how long will it take for him to return his grumpy self. For the moment though you embrace the closeness you are in. It feels so genuine. You tilt your head up and look at him intently “what?” “nothing.” he wants to kiss you so bad. But it feels wrong. This time you take the lead and kiss him not knowing whether he will push you away or kiss you back. He does not push you away. When your tongues meet with each other, the familiarity greets you. You kiss deeply. It almost feels romantic. With each touch or kiss you get use to his presence. You know it is slowly turning into an addiction. He is the one who breaks the kiss. “You needa rest.” “I’m fine” “no.” he carries you to his bed bridal style. It’s barely afternoon but when your back touches the bed, you realize you tired you are. He tucks you in and starts walking away when you call his name “Joel?” “what?” you catch the slight usual grumpy tone. “can you sleep with me?” you sound as if you’re begging. At this point you are embarrassing yourself, but you don’t care. He huffs in return but does not deny your request. He slides in under the blanket like you on his back faces you. You want to ask him to spoon you but decide to shut up and spoon him instead. When your wrap your arms around his torso a smile creeps up on his face though you can’t see it. You nuzzle against his neck and breathe him in. you don’t know what is going to happen next but the security that he gives makes you forget your worries. You fell asleep soon after. He is a banished angel not only from heaven but also from hell, laying in your arms, letting you hold him.

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tags: @orcasoul @eliza-8

#joel miller #the last of us #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x reader #joel miller hbo #tlou hbo #pedro pascal #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us hbo #joel miller x you

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prettyboykatsuki · 2 years

Text

a glimpse of us | bkdk x reader

✧ tags ;; fem!reader (afab, she/they pronuns used), cigarettes / nicotine addiction, drinking to cope, heavy hurt/comfort, polyamorous negotiations, arguing, unhealthy coping, miscommunications / bad communication, rebounding, getting together, bkdk interact both sexually and intimately, oral (m+f recieving), threesomes, double penetration, anal fingering / anal with prep, intimacy, no power dynamics but reader is confident sexually, petnames (sweetheart, baby), 18+, mdni

✧ wc ;; 19.8k (putting on my clown shoes)

✧ a/n;; i wrote this for me and no one else and you will notice this right away. my bkg bias is also kinda present HDFJKSD

✧ synopsis ;; you always knew you were a stand-in. why wouldn't you be? but you hoped that at least once, he saw you for what you were. that all those years together meant something more.

You haven’t touched a cigarette since your last year of college.

It’s the middle of the night, and the September air is colder than you know what to do with. Part of you knows you should wear a jacket since the weather is persistently bad. It’ll storm soon.

But another part of you doesn’t really care if you get sick. So, instead of dwelling - you follow your whims and rub the sleep out of your eyes. Sitting up in your bed, all of your limbs feel heavy. Your eyes are swollen almost shut, crusty from a long night of crying and drinking.

You laugh a little humorlessly for being so upset about the whole thing, sober enough to do so. Right now, at least after some sleep, you feel okay. Not bad, definitely not good, but okay. And you want to smoke a cigarette, which is probably a sign that you’re not coping with this as well as you’ve hoped.

You don’t think about it. You choose not. Instead, you swing your legs over the side of your bed and stand to your feet. You look around your room. Your cat, Ganache, is asleep in a cardboard box, making you laugh. Your laundry is in a pile, and your work is sprawled all over your desk. Tomorrow, you’ll finish some of it and maybe take a hike alone.

There’s no light in your room besides the moon, covered by clouds. Through the glass doors in your bedroom - leading to the balcony, you look at it for a long time. The sky is starless. It’s light pollution, but somehow it feels like you. Lonely.

You laugh at your own misery and walk to the bathroom to examine your face. You’re worse for wear. Your hair hasn’t been touched in god knows how long, and your face is covered in oil. Reaching your hands out for the faucet, you run the warm water, pumping face wash into your hands and rubbing your skin maybe a little harder than necessary.

You don’t want to think about it. Your fingers scrub along your cheek, and around the area of your nose that gets crusty during the cooler season. Splashing warm water into your skin, you wash the soap away and pat it dry into a towel.

Better, you think while looking into the mirror. At least a little bit.

You put some cream on, and some chapstick but don’t bother brushing your teeth. It’d be pointless to do it now, knowing you’re going to smoke yourself halfway through a pack and it’ll linger on your lips for days.

You don’t change out of your PJs. Worn basketball shorts, and a muscle tank top that shows off the skin stay on. You rummage around in your drawer for a windbreaker and put it on over your clothes. It’s 2 sizes too big but covers you decently.

Before you leave your apartment, you give your cat a little rub on the head but don’t wake her. You grab your keys, some pepper spray, and a lighter and shove them into your pocket before taking a look around your barren apartment.

You were planning on moving out, just a few weeks ago, somewhere closer to them. The irony isn’t lost on you.

You turn the knob and close the door behind you - checking to make sure it’s locked before descending down your hallway. There’s a single light at the end but the rest is dark. It’s a quiet walk. You take an elevator to the first floor. and then leave the whole place behind.

You turn your head to look at it, worried it’ll disappear for a minute. Afterward, you’re out on the street alone for the first time in a long time.

You tilt your head back and stare at the sky. With chapped skin and the tip of your nose freezing, you look at the moon again. It cradles you. Alone, so utterly and terribly alone you think. But the two of you are alone together, and even though it’s silly - it keeps you from crying.

You didn’t bring your headphones, though your phone is in your pocket. Normally, being alone at night makes you nervous. You used to always have company or someone you could call.

You could still probably call them. If you wanted. They’re heroes before they’re anything else.

But the walk is simply cumbersome. You’re not afraid. Too numb, or too desperate to hold onto the brief relief of apathy to be afraid. Nothing happens on the walk there, but you’re not really paying attention. Even if the world collapsed right now, you wouldn’t know.

You know you’re at your location because the light is almost blinding. The luminescent glow of the neon lights makes your vision feel bleary, flickering red kanji and sterile white from the inside. You look around to see no one else is really there, aside from you.

You hesitate to walk in. Is it worth it to break a 4-year streak over this?

But you can feel the itch in your throat, the dryness in your mouth. The memory of relief overwhelms your every sense. Your stomach lurches, scratching your neck.

You walk into the store.

A noise goes off, a little ding. The person at the cash register doesn’t even lift his head to look at you. A college student, you think. He looks young.

You miss college, sometimes. You were a lot more of a mess. Stressed out, frantic, with a fully functioning liver at the start which was nice. But at least then, everything felt more temporary. Every wound felt like it would heal, no matter how big. Everything felt like an impactful part of your growth.

And it’s not like you’re not growing anymore, but now misery just feels like misery. You don’t feel it as much as you live it passively. You have bills to pay. A pet to take care of. Parents old enough to retire. So every bad thing just becomes part of the wave that crashes at your feet every so often.

If this happened in college, you’d be crying and partying and whatever else. You wouldn’t be as desperate to move on, maybe. Letting yourself be broken was a luxury that you didn’t think you still had.

But you don’t want that for yourself either. You just want to stop it altogether and disappear. Under a cloud of white, or the stream of a creak. You just want to go.

You can’t though. Can’t leave. Can’t uproot yourself into new soil, so you lean into old habits for comfort.

Smoking helps you disappear. Your lungs, passively intaking the nicotine and replacing the remaining parts of you.

You search the fridges for a 6 pack of beers. Some cat food, some microwave meals, a candy bar. You take it all in your hands and dump it onto the counter. The kid at the counter gives you a look like he’s startled. He’s reading manga, though you can’t see the cover.

“Could I get two packs of cigarettes? Seven Stars, Revo Lights Menthol.” You say, voice still thick with sleep. You give him a half-smile as he seems startled, watching as his hands fiddle with the keys of the cigarette case.

He puts the two packs on the table, closing it back up. It squeaks as the glass is pulled back into place. His manga is left open on the table. You glance at it.

“Fire Punch?”

He looks surprised as he scans your things, a flush on his face.

“Oh, Uhm, yeah. You know it?”

You nod your head.

“Read it in high school. Agni is a cool protagonist.”

All of a sudden he’s beaming at you. It catches you off-guard, but it makes sense. It’s an older manga and never got all that popular. He shakes his head in disbelief.

“I’ve never met anyone who’s read it. I uhm.. would love to talk about it. You know.”

He puts your stuff in a plastic bag, with the tips of his ears going pink. Your eyes widen, and you give him a little grin. While you look like this, huh? You’d be lying if you said it didn’t feel nice.

“You know I’m older than you, yeah?”

He looks startled that you read through his intentions. He’s good-looking. Tall, with dark hair and a mole under his eye.

“I know I look like a kid, but I’m 22.”

“So, only a few years. Not bad for looking the way I do right now. You got a thing for older girls?” You joke.

“That’ll be 4,100 yen. And, not really. You just…seemed cool.” He says, trailing off. You chuckle at him, looking at his nametag before offering him a look.

“I’m not, I can guarantee you. Getting hit on made me feel a little better though. Thanks for that. Do you want my number?” You ask, with a half-smile. His eyes go wide, then he nods hard. You laugh at him.

It’s not like you have anything left to lose.

“Got a pen?”

He looks frantically around for a pen and then hands it to you. You give him the money you owe him first. When he hands you a receipt and change, you flip the flimsy paper over and scribble your number down on it. You grab the bag off the counter, pocketing the cigarettes and holding the rest.

Passing your number down, you pat it twice.

“I can’t guarantee I’ll go out with you any time soon. But you made me feel better, so I’ll give you this. We can talk manga some time. and maybe catch a drink. You’ve got a good face, so don’t waste it on people like me.”

He looks at you startled but takes the paper anyway in a daze. You smile. He seems nice at least. Harmless.

“Y-Yeah. Right. that’d be nice. I uh, hope your night gets better.”

You can feel the melancholy all over your skin as you smile.

“Thanks. Have a nice night.”

You grab your things, turning to walk around. Almost unwilling. But if you stay any longer, you know you’re gonna end up letting yourself talk and you don’t wanna dump all that on a person you just met. Just before he goes, he calls for you.

“Hey, uh - be careful. It’s kind of late. I’d walk you home if I wasn’t on the clock. There might be a hero around, so you know -”

You turn your head, looking at him for a minute. Your chest aches at the thought of having people to call.

“Thanks for looking out. I’ll be alright. Night,”

You leave, with a hand in your pocket and another one curled around the plastic shopping bag.

You should probably go back home.

You keep walking, though. A bad choice, maybe. Instead of turning back onto that road, you walk down another one that you recognize, taking one left until you find a bench underneath a streetlight.

It’s quiet. Empty. There aren’t any heroes patrolling but it’s a local road surrounded by houses and apartments. You don’t feel any danger as you sit down on the wood bench, brushing it once with your hands beforehand.

It’s freezing. Your whole body is icy to the touch. A shiver tears through you as your skin comes in contact with the seat. It’s chillier than it was when you left. Your bag lets out a soft clunk as you set it down next to you. You reach into your windbreaker for the pack of cigarettes and your lighter.

Balancing the lighter between your thighs, you lean forward. With your elbows on your knees, you smack the pack of cigarettes against your palm. Your fingers tremble from the weather, the wind blowing in a hard gust.

You don’t think about it. You use your keys to get rid of the plastic outside, and then open the pack up. The one in the middle of the top row, your hands shake when you take it.

You bring the end to your chapped lip, fishing for your lighter. It’s an expensive thing you got as a gift, engraved. It’s almost out of fuel so it feels light in the palm of your hands. Even so, you flick it open. You run your finger over the wheel, stopping when the flame flickers on.

You bring it to the end of your cigarette, watching it burn. The orange-red glow soothes you. The fire keeps you warm. It burns, and you watch it burn - and with your lips closed around one end, you take a deep and long inhale.

It’s been a long time. Longer than you thought. It feels raw. Nicotine and menthol mix together making your lips tingle and your lungs sting. It tastes like tar and long nights — like a college party, like a balcony, like a place far from here.

Like a time, far far away from this. You balance the stick between your fingers, pulling it away as you exhale the first drag. Blowing a cloud of grey smoke into the air, you lose yourself in it. You smoke and pass the time.

You can’t feel anything but that. The adrenaline crawls up your spine and makes your fingers all jittery. You lean into it without even meaning to. Four years down the drain, you think. It would’ve been 5 in a few months

But you take another drag anyway. Your joints hurt. You smoke, and when the feeling is starting to make your stomach sour - you reach into the pack for a can of beer and drink that to soothe your nerves.

Letting your head rest on the edge of the bench, you stretch yourself out. With a beer can on the ground, you ash your cigarette out. You stretch your arm over your face, the end still burning.

For one minute, you really had forgotten. The interaction at the store helped. The cigarette helped. The sleep helped. The beer helped.

But nothing was enough to make you forget it completely.

You fear that things might always feel like this. That even time can’t stretch itself over a wound this big. Would there ever be enough to fill the sudden crater of a loss like this, to ever fix you?

At some point, you’ll have to accept nothing can ever be the same..

For a long, long time - you cry by yourself. It’s not a desperate sob like it had been 2 weeks ago. It’s just an exhausted, soft little one. Somewhere, inside of yourself, you cry like a baby. Like a child aching to be held though part of you knows no one is there to listen. Self soothe, you say to yourself. Stop crying.

It’s not like you don’t know how to be alone. What that was like.

You just never thought you’d have to be again, and maybe you aren’t all the way. You’ve got a slew of concerned messages on your phone that you’ve been replying to automatically and you’ve been completely disconnected from everyone for a while now.

Reaching out to them will help. In time, you know that. When you’re ready you will. You don’t have the luxury to let the pain linger for as long as you know it will, as it has to. Eventually, you’ll get back up. Even now, the days pass silently without you living them.

You know everything there is to know. Of course, you do. You know what they’ll say. You know that they’ll feel sorry for you. You know Kirishima would’ve held you without ever hesitating. You know your mother would’ve welcomed you if you showed up without a word. Of course, you know.

But knowing where a wound is, you’ve learned, doesn’t make it stop hurting it. Knowing the cause, the color, the shape, and the taste of your injury will never heal it. Your familiarity with your pain doesn’t do anything at all, to make it stop.

You light another cigarette, sitting forward with your elbows on your knees. Wiping your eyes with the back of your hand, you swear.

“Fuck.”

The memories suffocate you.

You met them both while you were in college. When you were a sophomore in college, they’d saved you from a villain attack. They weren’t dating then, but they made conversation with you after you’d gotten a pretty big injury.

You didn’t care for Bakugou at first. He was loud, mean, and crass. Midoriya has always been the same - friendly, awkward, genuine. Their friendship didn’t really make sense to you, like they spoke in a language you couldn’t ever learn. Midoriya always placated him. They looked at each other with a history that you never imagined having with anyone.

You never thought you would see them again, so you asked. Sitting in the back of an ambulance getting patched up - they told you the story of them. Like they’ve told it a hundred times before. Childhood friends, they told you. They wanted to become heroes, it was rocky then it wasn’t. Midoriya gushed about Bakugou’s ability the whole time, and Bakguou told him to fuck off but blushed the entire time.

You kept running into them, afterward. You were all convinced it was fate. They’d saved you 3 times before Bakugou told you to stop being an idiot with nothing but good intentions and maybe that’s when you knew you were in it.

It was a long time. Not an overnight spark or sense of magnetism, not destiny. Just luck. Just chance that deepened and grew roots over time. You don’t remember much of it in full, just bits and pieces. Like a drop of water building an ocean - you can’t count for each time.

You can name the rainstorms though, the floods, the days where it was clear they started to matter to you.

And they mattered to you a lot where it counted. You went to college in a city far from your hometown, and you didn’t make many friends so you could keep up with your scholarship. College was mostly very stressful. You were just trying to keep yourself but you met them. And you think afterwards you started living.

You knew about them from the beginning. How they looked at each other, not realizing how obvious they made it that they loved each other. Perhaps hiding it after everything felt unnatural.

You were content they wanted to be your friend. It was that simple. When they invited you out with them on their day off, you were confused but you always went. You were happy that they wanted you around.

They never stopped showing up for you. They went to your stupid club events and made a scene. Bought you gifts for the years you were sure you’d spend your birthday alone. Texted you on their patrols, first individually then together.

You learned to make your own friends too, but so much of your life is steeped in them. You thought, at first, that Midoirya took pity on you. You’ve always looked lonely. He was always the type to go out of his way for strangers. Bakugou just came along for the ride.

You realized later he never did anything he didn’t want to do. Even his admission meant that you were supposed to be there.

Time passed. And the two of them, slowly, brought you into their lives. You met their friends and attended their big awards and major achievements while they did yours. On weekend horror movie showings they dragged you along, and during Hero Expo season you always got V.I.P passes. You never told them you only ever went to see them.

They were busy people. It took you a long time to let yourself be a part of that at all. You would always be on the outside, you knew - but they were good to you. You got on with them both so easily, more than anyone else you’d ever met and it—

It felt special to you at least.

You think somewhere down the line, you were content to be an outsider. Everything about them had become so comfortable, that you would’ve been content staying in that same place forever. As an outsider, a watcher, a friend. Just a friend.

They started dating the year you were set to graduate college, and it really wasn’t all that different. Sometimes you caught them kissing, or hugging, or with a hickey on someone's neck but they treated you the same. Kept you at the same distance which wasn’t all that far.

It was in that same year, you realized you’d fallen in love with them both horribly.

Surprisingly, knowing that wasn’t all that bad. You knew it kind of instinctively when you realized it for the first time. It was shocking at first, but you were still content. You could swallow the ache in your chest seeing them happy. You were always an outsider to that, anyway. From the moment you met, there was history between them that would always surpass you and you knew that. Better than anyone. There was never a place for you to be, but you liked the one you had. You cherished that friendship so much you put it above your own feelings, for a long time. You had never met people who put you first so eagerly. Who went out of their way for you so often.

You like to believe they loved you like a friend. It helps to think that.

Four years. You’d loved them both, and so much - for four long years. You were just content to see them love each other because you could always tell they did. You wanted them to be happy.

Looking back they never put real distance between you both. You should’ve done that sooner.

More than anything. More than yourself. From the start, maybe you should’ve guarded your heart more. You were always weak to them. They were the only people to welcome you so much to anything, but maybe you should’ve—

When they broke up, you didn’t know what to do.

They’d always been.. together. For as long as you can remember.

It was Midoriya who showed up at your door. You should’ve sent him home. It’s your own fault, for cramming yourself into a space never meant for you.

He cried in your arms for two days and two nights. You felt sorry for him and texted Bakugou who told you to go fuck yourself. Whatever happened, neither of them would say or tell. It was serious. In the four years they’d been together, they fought but you never saw them like this.

Even though you dated for 6 months, your time with Midoriya all feels very blurry.

You blame yourself. No matter what anyone tells you, deep down, it would always be your fault. After those two days, he just needed someone to lean on.

It didn’t happen right away. Midoriya isn’t capable of that. It was after a few months of him visiting, of him dropping by, of him touching you. He leaned on you, even now - you don’t really know why.

You don’t really understand it but you think he must’ve mistaken the comfort you gave him for love. He’s only ever loved Bakugou so it’s possible he never really understood. You kissed, hugged, touched here and again but never had sex.

In hindsight, you’re glad about that.

Months passed like that, in each other’s company. Midoriya came back after work and slept in your bed every night. You woke up together. But you knew, that whole time, there was an inevitable end.

You always knew. When he hesitated when he looked at you. But sometimes, you got to see the melancholy go away. You watched movies and laughed, and made dinner together. There were enough happy memories to let you forget everything else.

It’s funny. Loving someone so wholly you wouldn’t ask them to love you back. No one would believe you if you told them, but even knowing you were just a stand-in - you were content to experience affection for a while. Like you mattered. You liked being able to make him happy.

You wanted Bakugou to be happy too, but every text you sent him got left on read. You called but never got a reply.

You figured he might’ve resented you. You wouldn’t blame him. Truthfully, you question what you ever had. Maybe you deluded yourself into thinking tolerance was longing. You tried that whole time to get them together, but they did it on their own.

He broke up with you after your new promotion. You never got a chance to tell him. The bottle of wine was still in your apartment.

Just like before, he cried for a long time. Said sorry more times than you knew what to do. He called himself selfish, apologized, said he still wanted to be friends, that Kacchan missed you too.

Over and over, he apologized to you.

You had always been an outsider. Even in your last minutes together, you comforted him when he cried. You didn’t know how to do anything else. You wish you felt contempt.

You’re mostly confused. None of it made any sense. But why would it? You’re just a stranger caught in a storm, too big for your boots.

It was when he said that one thing it broke you.

“I couldn’t stop seeing him in your face. I’m so so sorry. I should’ve never—”

You think that was the first time it all collapsed. Nothing registered after. He didn’t see you, even once. Maybe neither of them did. You were just someone they had been nice to. You got involved in this all by yourself.

You didn’t say anything to him. What would you have? All you said, very quietly at the end, was that you don’t want to see either of them again.

“Please respect that. And, I really do hope the both of you are happy.”

You cried for 3 days. You took your first days off from work, and your manager didn’t question your paid time off. It’s been 3 weeks, and you haven’t spoken to anyone.

And now you’re here, alone - halfway through a packet of cigarettes and hoping your next breath will carry you out of here. It’s freezing cold, and you're numb all over. You blame yourself, and it hurts so much it makes you sick. You want everything to disappear. You want to scream, cry, curl in on yourself.

But there’s nothing left for you to do or say. It’s all over, anyway. And it’s your fault for being greedy. For hoping that in the end, he would’ve at least seen you for what you were.

You’ve finished another cigarette. Your fourth one, which means you’ve only been sitting for 20 minutes. It feels like a century.

You wipe your eyes of stray tears, laughing to yourself.

“God, what the hell's wrong with me?”

Your throat is hoarse so you drink some more beer. You cool it on the cigarettes because you don't want to finish the pack before tomorrow.

You don’t even get to check your voice before a terribly familiar voice catches your attention.

You think for a second you're hallucinating.

“Oh! Hello. I’m Pro-Hero Deku, I’m doing some nightly patrols in this area. Do you need someone to escort you—“

Whatever higher power there is must be pretty sadistic. You hold your breath.

He stops in front of you. You freeze up completely. It doesn’t even feel real when you look at him. You blink a few times trying to make sure you’re seeing clearly.

“Y/N? What are you doing out here?”

His voice is so soft. The same as you remember. You swallow your discomfort, frazzled. Don’t be greedy.

You pick your beer can up, drinking the last of it before trashing it.

“I didn’t know you patrolled here.”

You don’t have to see him to hear the frown in his voice.

“…I usually don't. I’m covering for Mindjack, but that’s.. why are you out here?” He says, voice filled with concern. You don’t know what to say, so you opt to say as little as possible.

“I live close by.”

He knows that. His frown deepens.

“It’s nearly midnight.”

“I just wanted to get some air. I’m going home now, anyway—”

“Wait a minute, please.”

You screw your eyes shut, back turned away from him. Every inch of your skin is burning. Your heart is sinking like it’s made of glass.

You sigh, voice trembling.

“What do you want?”

“Would you please turn around so we can at least talk face to face?”

You don’t mean to say it. You don't mean to sound so bitter and broken and utterly defeated. The words slip out of you like a tire losing air.

“Are you sure you know what it looks like when you’re not looking for someone else?”

He stiffens behind you.

“Please,” is all he says. Like it's all he needs to say. All he can really offer.

You only turn around so he can bear witness to your suffering. Not that you want him to feel guilty but maybe it’ll make him leave you alone. Your eyes are red and swollen when you turn to face him, hands in your pockets. You don’t look at him. You’re afraid to.

“…Have you been smoking?”

“Yeah.”

“But you were clean for—”

“It’s none of your business what I was or wasn’t, Midoriya.”

Midoriya. Not Izuku. Your stomach twists.

“Please don’t be like this.” He says, sounding desperate.

You smile. It's sorrowful. Everything is tangled and messy and confusing. Like everything was a lie, and you were the last person to know. You don’t get it anymore. Your voice comes out, worn and gentle.

“I always knew it would end. I was never under the illusion that you really loved me. That either of you did,” You start, voice breaking. It’s cathartic.

And if this is really the last time, you should say what you wanted.

“Of course we—why wouldn’t we—“

“I always knew you didn’t really feel that way. It was just… nice to feel like I was important. No one in my life ever went out of their way for me like the two of you did,”

His voice breaks.

“Y/N, please”

“I was always afraid to call you my best friends. It’s funny but it never felt right. Kirishima and Todoroki - they were your best friends. What was I, then? I never knew. You were always each other’s. And I was there, and we were so close. But I never really fit. It never really made any sense,”

He looks like he’s crying. You wish you could comfort him and you hate yourself for wanting to.

“I mostly feel pathetic. I think that’s all. I have nothing to show for everything I went through,” You laugh a little under your breath, wiping your tears “It’s my fault. If I wasn’t so eager to feel loved. To love you in what capacity I could. Maybe things would be different,”

You reflect on your life with them. All that life you lived with people who you probably won’t ever see again, they’re easy enough to avoid.

“It might be better if we pretend that we never knew each other. That way, you have nothing to feel guilty for. Kats—Bakugou won’t have to acknowledge me. And I can forget it all together,”

“I don’t want to lose y-you, and Kacchan he—”

You shake your head with a smile. Now that it’s all out, it feels clear. Of course, they loved you.

Just not enough.

Really, that’s all it's ever been.

“Can I tell you a secret?”

You think this time, you’ll really be able to move on. He doesn’t reply, but you can hear him hiccup.

“I loved you both for four long years. That whole time. I was so happy we got to all be together, it didn’t even hurt. I don’t regret a lot of it. Maybe just those six months, and maybe not being able to see Bakugou. I miss him. I miss you too,”

You breathe. It finally feels alright to do it.

“But, I don’t want to see either of you ever again. If you’re in an emergency you can come to find me. I think it’s about time to move on,”

You can hear him calling out for you when you turn around. Asking to walk you home, but you know he won’t follow you. You just keep walking and don’t look back. You turn the corner and head down the empty street. Back home by yourself.

On the way, you smoke another cigarette. You keep the pack in your pocket.

You let go.

It’s just about that time, anyway.

Weeks pass by like their nothing.

Your confrontation with Midoriya knocked some of the sense back into you. You came home, cried for 15 minutes, and then took a long shower under hot water. Afterward, you put on some nice lotion, replied to emails, and picked out an outfit for going to work tomorrow.

Slowly but surely, you tried to get your life back in order to some degree. You threw yourself at your job since that made the most sense to you, working over time. Being alone with your thoughts for too long has proved to lead to drinking or smoking in excess, so you hang out with a crowd where you can.

You met with your friends, all of which have supported you completely but only yelled at you for isolating yourself, to begin with. You visited your parents where your dad threatened to knock Midoriya’s lights out, claiming he was still very strong. The sentiment made you feel warm.

You climbed yourself back into something of stability. It’s not like you’re over it. You feel considerably empty and fall into random fits of crying more often than you like and you still smoke whenever you feel the stress of a long day overtake you. But it’s notably better. You’re hanging on and you hadn’t really been before.

Some days are worse than others. Sometimes you pass a street vendor you used to frequent and have to sob over your steering wheel before going home. You see them in the news so often it’s starting to be funny in a dramatic irony sort of way - like the universe wants you to remember they exist.

You’ve been careful to avoid them, though, it’s not as easy to avoid their friends. Kirishima got choked up when you ran into each other, making you promise that you’d keep in contact. In the last few weeks, you’ve seen Jirou, Todoroki, and Shinso all of which seemed happy to see you doing okay.

It was nice. Knowing that they were your friend too, and not just someone who saw them by extension. No one really asked any invasive questions so you figured word got around.

It’s been alright. You’ve been okay at best. It’s mostly been lonely. You’re just trying to live with it, and you’re thinking about seeing a therapist just to get yourself sorted.

Today is a Wednesday. You switched out one of your days off to accompany Ganache to the vet for a routine check-up. It was early in the day, so you had the rest of it to yourself.

Lately, you’ve been texting the guy from the convenience store. His name is Akio, and he’s an exchange student. You mostly text back and forth about manga, and he does a thing where he sends you selfies where he ends up being. He’s cute and a good enough distraction from your misery, plus he’s actually pretty funny when he calls or texts.

You lean back into your couch, picking your feet up to get comfortable. You’re freshly showered and hairless after the impulse choice to shave. The TV is playing some daytime soap that you’re not normally home to see, and there’s a cold beer on a coaster waiting to be opened.

You swipe open your phone after receiving a text. It’s him, studying for an exam. That makes you laugh.

(from akio, 2:45pm): long day OTL

(sent 2:46): it’s my day off. do your best and maybe we can go drink.

(from akio, 2:46): wait really?

You laugh.

(sent 2:47) only if you do your work ❤️

(from akio, 2:48): ON IT. where do you wanna get drinks?

You conjure up a location, close-by where you leave - sending him to it. You watch him type back with a laugh.

(from akio, sent 2:48): im suddenly very busy and im gonna finish studying. see you at 6?

(sent: 2:9): see you at 6

He sends you a slew of very excited emojis and you bite your lip. Admittedly, you feel a little guilty. Though you’re careful to make your intentions clear, a guy so eager to even be in your presence is a nice change. A little harmless flirting has been good for your self-esteem and he’s a great guy. Him being younger than you isn’t as deterrent when you check his Instagram and find out he’s very jacked.

You feel a little embarrassed by the whole thing and all the time. But it’s nice to be wanted and send risque selfies to get a hesitant reply. It might be good to sleep with him, get your mind off of it.

You only ever dated on guy in college and hooked up with a couple of people that you can count on your hand. Your relationship was nice but not memorable, and you broke up over a disagreement about finances in your junior year. After that, you went on sparse dates to keep up appearances.

But it felt wrong to even try when your heart was in other place. So now, you’re just being careful and having fun. And it is fun.

Maybe you can get laid. He seems like he’d have good stamina.

You cover your own face in embarrassment at the train of thought, giggling.

“Fuck what am I even thinking about?”

You shake your head like you’re trying to shoo the thoughts away. You reach over for the beer on the table, shivering as the cold can comes in contact with your skin. Undoing the tab, you take a long sip - warmed by the taste. You don’t even know what flavor this is supposed to be since it was a gift but it’s expensive and malty.

You drink and watch the T.V. A girl caught in a love triangle with two male leads. Both of the male leads are rich and powerful, and the girl comes from a small town. You snort.

“Get out of there while you can, little lady. Save yourself.”

You don’t know how long you sit there and melt into your couch, watching the TV and scrolling on your phone. Doing something productive feels out of reach for now and you’re comfortable passing the day like this. You haven’t really had a normal day of relaxation that doesn’t devolve rapidly into feeling sorry for yourself, so even being able to sit around be lazy without any other pretense feels luxurious.

You think you spend 2 hours like that before your body signals you that it needs fed. Ganache comes up to sit on your lap, accompanying you while you order something to eat. Your finger reacches out for her little head, scratching just under her chin.

“You’re getting hungry too, huh?”

She lets out a soft purr before plopping her head against your bare thigh. You smile, perusing what feels like hundreds of options. It always feels like picking a place is the hardest part.

Trying not to be paralyzed by choice, you jump out of your skin when you hear the doorbell ring. Your cat hops off of your lap at the noise. With furrowed brows, you try to think about who would be ringing your door without dropping by first.

You ordered a new air purifier for your room last week. Maybe it came early? You would’ve got a notification from them, wouldn’t you? You shake your head. Either way, you’d prefer to have it instead of having to pick it up from the post office.

On pure chance that it is that, you stand up and dust yourself off. Pulling your shorts down slightly, you grab a zip-up hoodie from the side of your couch making sure nothing is falling out. You pad softly to the door, unlocking it.

“Hello?”

As soon as you open the door, you see the last person you were expecting. Everything just sort of.. stops in it’s place. For a minute, you don’t breathe. You don’t think. You just… tense. And stare, your hands on door knob. Debating whether or not you should even open it all the way, or say anything.

You would close it if you didn’t see his face. You’ve never seen him look so tired, and seeing that makes your heart drop into your gut.

“...Bakugou?”

He looks up and then looks at you. His shoulders sag in what seems like relief but you can’t be certain.

“What are you…?”

He opens his mouth to say something, and then closes it again like he’s come up short on the right words. He’s not in his costume for work, and his hands are in his pockets. He’s bigger than you by a mile, but he looks.. terribly small. Maybe frail. Not like himself.

“Hey.” He says, short and quiet. His hand reaches up around his neck “Can we talk?”

Your gut reaction is to turn him down. You’ve made all this progress, and you think that letting him in through the door would be ruining it. But he looks so depserate, and that looks so unusual. He doesn’t look angry, and that scares you.

You don’t mean to let him, but you owe him that much you think. Answers for those 6 months. He was blameless for everything that had happened between the two of you, anyways. You open the door, stepping to one side.

He looks at you, a pained expression passing over him before stepping in. Your breath catches, quietly watching as he takes off his combat boots. Ganache meanders over to him. She was always fond of Bakugou. You watch the two of them interact and you feel your heart rip in half.

Your entanglements show in ways you don’t expect. It’s too much.

He wears the house slippers left out for him, almost out of habit. And then he looks at you for a minte. You snap out of your trance, scratching your cheek.

“Oh, uhm. You can… sit. Did you want a drink maybe? A beer?”

He shakes his head.

“You don’t have to be so damn courteous to me,” He says. Your expressions softens, heart squeezed in your ribs. The disparity settles in the bottom of your lungs, crawling up your throat like a bile. It’s still so early in the day. You can see his expression so clearly. So obviously melancholy.

You choke around the words.

“I don’t know why I wouldn’t be,” You say. You offer him a half-smile. It’s true. You never really had any reason to be angry with him. If he hated or resented you, it wasn’t like you didn’t deserve it.

He closes his eyes than looks away, silently walking off to your living room. You follow him, sitting diagonal to him. You stare at your feet, pulling the sleeves of your hoodie over your hands. Fidgeting.

You don’t know how long you sit there. The TV is muted, so you direct your eyes to the soaps - trying to avoid the obvious.

Bakugou breaks the silence first.

“You’re smokin’ again.”

His voice of devoid of anything you can read. You look at the ash-tray on the table, before you nod.

“Yeah.” You reply simply. He leans forward on his elbows.

“...You haven’t smoked since college grad.” He says. You smile.

“Yeah.”

You’ve been alone with Bakugou before. Engaged in quiet, comfortable silences. Midoriya normally did the talking for you, so the two of you were accustomed to letting him ramble. Alone though, you normally just enjoyed each others company or talked in depth about something you found important.

When he wasn’t blowing a fuse, you found Bakugou intelligent and practical. You talked about a lot of things, like money and the failings of the Hero Commission and the news. Stuff people found boring, he would normally have something to say. He was always opinionated on everything. Movie, music, books.

You haven’t seen him in over half a year. Not in person, anyway. It’s hard to avoid the number one and two hero in media as it would be.

“I don’t wanna kick you out or anything. Uh, we have a lot to talk about I guess. I just—I’m going out for drinks at 6 so—”

He cuts in abruptly.

“With who?”

You pull back.

“...A guy I met the other day.”

His jaw clenches. Irritation passes over his face as he scrubs a palm over it. He looks upset but you can’t figure out why.

“Have I met him?”

You shake your head.

“Probably not. He’s in college. Met him while I was buying cigarettes, actually.” You muse, feeling fond. “He’s a good kid.”

“Are you—Are you interested him?”

Your eyes widen, staring at him. His voice is holding something in it, half-way between anger and sadness. You don’t really understand him or why he seems like that. Does he think you’re moving on too fast from Izuku?

But that doesn’t feel right to you either. Maybe seeing you happy is upsetting. You don’t know.

“We’re not dating, if that’s what you’re asking. We just.. talk. Flirt, I guess.” You say, shaking your head. You turn your attention back on him “Don’t know why that’s important. What’d you wanna talk about?”

His eyes widen, and then his face fall. You’re more confused than before.

“Don’t know why that’s important huh?”

You watch him. His face after you’ve said that. He looks upset. Part of you thinks you’re imagining it. But you’ve never seen him look like this. He buries his face in his hands, swearing.

“Fuck this.. fuck this is—”

You decide to interject.

“I don’t know why you’re here but since you are I wanted to say… I wanted to say sorry. I figure that’s why you’re here. That it’s related to that somehow, but before anything I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

It’s been on the tip of your tongue. Weighted, heavy on the inside and impatiently trying to pry itself from between your teeth. Your words come out in a jumbled mess. Part of you can’t help but expect rejection. You sit here, and stare at him and you think to yourself that you’re sorry.

You understand Midoriya at times like this. But you won’t say it more than once, fearful it’ll be a burden to you both. You just spit it out. Like a loose tooth. The blood comes after, filling your tongue with bitter taste of iron.

Lately, you’ve lost the words for heartache. Ache as in bruise, as in hurt that’s lingered for a long time. Your heart aches terribly, and every passing day feels like being trampled on. You look at Bakugou when you say sorry, and your heart expands into the stiffness of your ribs. And it hurts all over, like one raw injury. Lately the taste of your suffering is a cigarette and beer. You wonder what that says about you.

You feel something thick in your throat, looking away.

“Why the fuck are you saying sorry?” He asks, voice shaking with anger. You wince.

“For everything.” You say, griefstricken with every word. You feel your vision get blurry, looking away as you try to take the tremble out of your voice “Sorry for everything, Katsuki.”

You try your best not to cry but you can feel the gaping hole reopen in your chest. You wish this was just a reunion. The longing is so sharp and so endless. It wasn’t like Midoriya. You didn’t have memories to help you cope. You never got a chance to tell him thank you or i love you.

He had always made it clear he didn’t want you around, but you still.. still found yourself clinging to his tolerance. To the fact he was always the first one to reach for you. That he listened to you intently and pushed you to do what you wanted.

Midoriya was soft. Comfortable. Bakugou was tough. He held you steady through all your stress. Cleaned your apartment when life was too much to bear and picked you up at your lowest without a word of judgement.

And in the end you touched the one thing that was never yours. You thought it would be okay because you hadn’t seen him for 7 long months in person. It would’ve beem if you hadn’t seen him again.

But he’s here just the same. And you love him. You love him so much, so deeply, and all at once you feel consumed by the reminder. It burns inside of you hotly. The tears flow naturally.

Don’t be greedy, you tell yourself. This is the universes way of reminding you of what you did. There was never any place for you.

“Hey, fuck. Sweetheart, stop cryin’. Please just fucking look at me, can’t stand seeing you cry,”

You can’t stop yourself from wailing. It’s ugly, and loud, and horrible. No matter how much you try to clamp it down, it spills from between your fingers and stains everything. Your whole body shakes with it. Hiccuping, you swallow a noise of distress.

“I didn’t m-mean for it to end like this. I didn’t want—I didn’t want to hurt you, either of you I just. I got selfish a-and I—fuck, I got greedy. I never meant to, I didn’t want this.”

Before you understand what’s happening, you feel a body around you.

Strong arms. Bakugou’s arms. He’s standing up to hug you, and you can feel him trembling when he pulls you to him. Your heart squeezes, but you don’t let yourself sink. His hands cup the back of your head, and you sob softly into the fabric of his shirt.

“Fuck. I’m such an idiot. Please stop crying, sweetheart. Please.”

“I’m sorry, ‘m sorry”

For a while, you can’t do anything but weep. Bakugou doesn’t let go of you. He’s never been good at comforting people, but his grip on you is tight. You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting like that, sobbing into his arms with your fingers in his shirt.

Your head feels messy, throbbing when you finally manage to stop. You pull away, your eyes swollen. You lick your lips, chapped before pulling back.

“Thanks for comforting me.” You say, pulling away. You try to anyway.

Bakugou cups your face in his hands. It catches you off guard, the feeling of his calloused palms. He lifts your face, examining you. Your mouth parts in confusion, as you feel his thumb running under your eyes.

“All fucking wrong. We did this shit all so fucking wrong.”

“B-Bakugou?”

He doesn’t let go of you. Just looks for a long time.

“Bakugou?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“Why’re you..?”

“I missed you.” He says in a murmur, soft and uneasy and so regretful it stuns you “I’m so fucking sorry. We whoulda never—I’m gonna kick that shitnerds ass, swear.”

“You…what?”

He lets go of you, then runs a hand through his hair.

“You should.. text your friend or whatever. We should talk.”

Bakugou looks at you apologetically, handing your phone. You watch him disappear into your kitchen, pouring you a glass of water and handing you some tissues. You don’t know what to say, completely dazed. You send Akio a text, making an excuse about a work emergency and saying you’ll drink with him this Saturday.

Bakugou hands you the glass, leaving your tissues on the coffee table before sitting right where he was.

For the first time, you’re completely at a loss.

“I don’t understand.” Are the first words out of your mouth. Bakugou gives you a laugh.

“With the way shits been going, don’t know why you would.”

“D-Did something happen between you and Midoriya?”

He frowns.

“Fuck, no. Promise no stupid shit this time. Izuku just told me I should come talk to you.”

“…He did?”

He smiles at you.

“Yeah, he did. Not like I’m any better at this shit than he is, but he said you weren’t gonna listen to him,” He pauses, turning away from him “Said you never wanted to see him again.”

You look at your lap, listening to the sound of passing cars.

“I thought it’d be for the best. It’s uhm.. It’s hard for me to see either of you. You know,”

There’s a tense look on Bakugou’s face when he stares at you. You’ve never seen it before.

“…Did you mean what you said to Deku?”

Your throat constricts.

“A-about?”

“About your feelings. For the both of us, you said—“

You feel your heart race, uncomfortable.

“…Does it matter?”

“Matters a hell of a lot.”

You repeat it to yourself like a mantra. Over and over, the word sticks to you. Don’t get greedy. You want to say nothing. To close your eyes and deny it.

“Yeah. Yeah, I did.”

You feel your sense of stability crumble the instant the words leave your mouth. Like a sandcastle collapsed under the tide, you melt into unease.

Your eyes sting with fresh tears that you hurry to wipe away. You don’t even know what they’re for.

“Hey. Stop, look—it’s not what you think, alright? The feeling is mutual, but you've gotta listen to me.”

Your eyes widen. Looking up again, you frantically look at his face then shake your head. Did you mishear?

“It’s what?”

“It’s mutual. We both… it’s a lot to explain alright? But from the beginning, it’s been mutual and it wasn’t some freak accident you ended up in our lives. I don’t want you thinkin’ that”

You can’t believe what you’re hearing. You shake your head.

“I don’t…I don’t get it. From the beginning? You say you both have feelings for me, but I haven’t seen you in 7 months. A-and I-Izuku said—”

Bakugou grits his teeth suddenly. He looks sharp, vicious.

“Ignore what that half-brained idiot said, he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about.”

You sit back, unsure of how to proceed. You want to be shocked, or even angry but all you feel is confusion. You fiddle with your hands, and hear Bakugou sigh over his. His voice sounds exhausted.

“All those months ago, when Izuku and I got into a fight… we were fighting over you.”

The world comes to a halt. You choke on a gasp of air. Bakugou doesn’t pick his head up to look at you. The sun shadows the shame on his shoulders before you get a minute to speak. His face softens, then regret sifts through.

He looks tired. Terribly tired.

“It was because of me. Izuku… he realized how he felt early on. How we both did. He brought it up to me and I just…froze. I didn’t know what to do.”

You hold your breath as you watch his face.

“You…?”

“We fought about it. I blew up on him, and he wouldn’t back down on the whole thing. I was scared outta my mind. Me.. and Izuku - it took us a long time to get where we were.”

You laugh a little at that, scratching your hand.

“Yeah I know.”

He lets out a puff of air.

“I bet you do. It freaked me out. It wasn’t like… I didn’t realize. We fought and I told him to go fuck off and be with you then. I regretted as soon as I did, but he walked off. Left me alone for a while.”

You frown.

“I’m sorry. You didn’t… I didn’t want that for you. I was a-always worried about you.”

He gives you a light-hearted scoff.

“I know. I got every call and text, sweetheart. Truth to be told, I would’ve lost my fucking mind if you hadn’t. That whole time.., you were looking out us both. I was still pissed, so I threw myself at my job. Saw Deku and got into some altercations.”

This surprises you. It makes sense. It’s hard to avoid each other, you’re sure. You wonder why Deku never told you, but all those days he came home extra upset - maybe it was that.

“I had no idea.”

“With the way you texted me updates, I figured he didn’t tell you. He’s a shit-head like that. Keeps everything in and then lets it all out. He forgets that he’s a human being sometimes.”

“It makes sense but…what happened? How’d you get here?”

“We had a big fight and made up, eventually. I hadn’t really thought about anything. I was working over-time to avoid it, but I was so angry all the time I didn’t feel like myself. Shitty Hair and them kept me calm.”

“Kirishima cried when he saw me,” You say in a daze. Bakugou laughs.

“He was pissed at me when I told him everything.”

“Kirishima was?”

“You think he’s nice like the rest of ‘em but he’s scary as fuck when he’s mad. He didn’t let me hear the end of it for fucking up. And I’m…sorry for that. For fucking this up.”

You shake your head at him.

“I don’t blame you. I still don’t really understand it, but I should’ve pushed him away. My feelings were getting in the way, and I didn’t think about how I was—”

“Hey. Stop that. Get this through your head, you didn’t do shit. Izuku leaned on you because he fucking cares about you.”

“But he said—”

“We’re not complete without each other.”

Everything stops in an abrupt manner. His words are muddled, like they’ve been shaken around in his heart for much longer than you thought.

“Izuku doesn’t know his own feelings. He thought that I was right. He thought he just misunderstood himself and he’s always been like that. He’s not good at knowing his own shit.”

And then, you think you see him cry. You don’t remember the last time you’ve ever seen Bakugou Katsuki cry but his eyes look red.

“We tried. To go back to how things were, we tried so fuckin’ hard sweetheart. You never wanted to see us again and I was too damn stubborn to admit to myself not getting your texts was breaking me. We tried.”

You swallow the feeling in your throat. You’re so disoriented.

“And..?”

“It didn’t work. We couldn’t stop arguing and it wasn’t like before. We were both on edge all the time and we both knew why. Izuku realized his feelings after you left. And I couldn’t deny that the idea of never seeing you again fucking broke me.”

You don’t think you could cry anymore if you tried, but you manage.

“I just… it doesn’t feel real. You two have so much history. Without me. A whole life together and there’s no space for me to be involved. You love each other so much, how could you love me too? How could it ever compare?”

“How could we not fucking love you, sweetheart? All those years together. You kept us grounded for how long? I never knew what it meant.. whatever bullshit Deku talked about saving people. But then we met you and I would’ve done anything to keep you safe.”

“Katsuki,”

You don’t even know what to do anymore. What to think or believe.

“Deku loves you to death. I can see it on his face. He loves seeing you with your dumbass cat. He loves listening to you recite lines from movies.”

“And you?”

“And I’m here trying to convince you I’m still worth your time. I can’t do all that sappy shit. This is all I got.”

“You’re doing fine.” You say with a smile. He smiles back.

“I feel like I’m gonna puke right now.” He admits.

“I’m just scared. None of this feels real to me.”

“When that shitnerd and I got together, I couldn’t get my head around it for 3 days. I was terrified of what that meant for me. Being vulnerable with people is terrifying and I still can’t stand it.”

“Yeah.”

“But if I never confronted my fears, I would’ve been alone and blind for the rest of my life. Shit gets bad. You fuck up and fight and things are hard - but it’s way fucking better to fight with people you love than it is to by yourself with your misery. Life got easier when I let myself feel my feelings and whatnot.”

“You sound really wise.”

He laughs under his breath.

“Don’t be a dick.”

“I’m being serious. You sound so mature and stuff.”

“And stuff? You been hanging around that college brat way too much.” He says through gritted teeth. You laugh.

“He’s nice, Katsuki.”

“He can kiss my fucking ass, corrupting you with his bullshit—”

“He is not doing that!”

“You think I don’t see your legs shaven? You’re a shit liar.”

“It was coincidence. I was gonna sleep with him though.” You say the last part a little quieter. He immediately gets mad again.

“The hell you are.”

You give him a smile, crinkling your nose.

“Jeez, it’s not even your business, you know.”

He groans.

“My hearts too weak for that right now, yeah? Be fucking easy on me.”

You look down at your lap, unsure of what else too. Your voice is hoarse so you reach for the glass on the table.

“Sorry. Just… processing, I guess.”

Neither of you talk for a long while. It’s just.. silent. It’s starting to get dark out, but not enough that it’s noticeable. The sunset is just teetering around the skyline. You take a deep long breath, tapping your foot. Picking the skin on your fingers. Fighting the urge to smoke an entire packet, you take a long breath.

“Hey.”

You lift your head to look at him. He looks nervous.

“Is it okay if I… fuck, like would it be okay if I kissed you?”

You nearly cough up a lung from shock.

“Would that be okay? Wouldn’t Izuku be—”

Bakugou gives you a little grin.

“He got 6 months. He’ll get over it.”

You squirm a little in your chair heart. Heart-racing.

“...T-Then, it’d be okay. I guess.”

“C’mere.”

You feel shaky when you stand to your feet. Awkward. But as soon as you’re in reaching distance, you feel Bakugou’s hand touch yours. His hands are nice. Smooth and long and nimble but calloused on some parts. Irrevocably warm, when they wrap around your pointer.

“If I do something you don’t like, headbutt me,” He offers. You frown at him,

“I’ll tell you.”

“Yeah, yeah,”

Without word, you feel him touch you. One hand busies itself with your hands, palms running up the back side of your forearm, then over the top before opening your hands to him. Pulling the sleeves of your hoodie with it and exposing your skin to cool air. He touches you quietly, thoughtfully passing down until he’s holding your hand. Not with your your fingers intertwined, but cupped against yours in a silent, gentle reprieve.

The other hand rests on the back of your thigh before brushing behind your knee and staying there. He’s just holding you, and there’s nothing especially risky about it. But it leaves you a mess, enough that you can’t even look at him.

He tugs you to him. Spreading his legs, shifting to help you into his lap. Like a lamb to shepherd, you follow. Too dazed to protest him, he looks up at you and you look down at him. He brings your hands to his chest, and you slink them around his neck. He leans you forward until you’re only a few inches apart, breath mingling.

He smells like smoke. You take a deep breath, studying his face before realizing his doing the same to. His eyes are outlining your mouth.

“You smell like cigarettes.” He tells you.

“Sorry.”

He shakes his head.

“You made me like the smell way back. Used to think it was awful.”

“And now?”

“Now it makes me lightheaded.”

“Like you wanna kiss me?” You tease. He takes a deep breath.

“So fucking bad.”

“Kiss me, Katuski.”

“Mm,”

His mouth is soft. You think that first. Even as your bodies so desperately and almost wholly on instinct, your skin starting to buzzy faintly. It’s so utterly blissful all you can think to feel is that he’s soft. He tastes sweet. His hands are the back of your thighs squeezing tight and you want them forever. You like that he lets you lead a little, and you take pleasure in touching him.

Squeezing the back of his neck, you thread your fingers gently through his hair. Soft and ticklish against your fingers - he lets out a moan when you squeeze at the root. You did again and he does it one more time. Something warm unfurls in your stomach, starting to unwind like loose thread.

“You sound pretty like that.” You tell him once you pull away. He shivers.

“You’re gonna put me in an early grave,”

“So you’re just gonna let Izuku become number one?”

He gives you the brightest smile you’ve seen all day. It looks so familiar on him, your chest feels like it’s being crushed.

“Not a chance in fucking hell.”

“That’s the spirit, Katsuki.”

“Speaking of.. we should probably invite that lewd nerd over here.” He says, burying his face in your neck. You hug him close to your chest.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. He’s gonna cry the whole damn time. Been losing his shit all day.”

“Poor Izuku.”

“He’s gonna cry when you call him that too. Cried about being Midoriya for 2 whole days.”

“He’s such a baby.”

Bakugo smiles into your neck.

“I’d cry too.”

You wait for Izuku to come back to your apartment at your front door, with Bakugou clinging to your shoulders.

Nothing much had happened since your kiss. You and Bakugou laid together and made-out to pass the time - watching TV and quietly catching up. When Izuku sent you a text about being 5 minutes out, you decided to wait at the door to greet him.

You feel like the whole day has been one long dream. Seeing Izuku, you think, will make it feel more real.

When you hear the nob of your front door turn, you look up at Bakugou with excitement. He looks down at you, pressing his lips to your temple, his voice a soft, excited murmur in your ear.

“He’s gonna cry right away.” He says, hushed, tone light. Amused. You elbow him.

“Don’t be mean, Katsuki.”

Your breath hitches when you do see the door open. He looks a little disoriented when he passes the threshold into your apartment. His dark green curls are messy from the wind and he’s all out of breath like his heart is racing.

You smile at him as soon as he lifts his head up to look you. His lower lip trembles with immediacy, hands flying up to his face to catch the tears already threatening to spill. You feel Bakugou squeeze a little tighter around your waist, smiling into your neck.

“Welcome home, Izuku.”

“Oh god.”

You forget how big he is until he runs forward to tackle you both in his arms. You hear Bakugou fuss over you, something about you damn crybaby being mumbled. But more than that, you feel the familiar warmth of Deku. Izuku and Katsuki, all together. He smells like the sun and sweat, , it’s familiar and comfortable. Like home. You lean forward to wrap your arms around his midriff. You melt into the touch, as easy as it always been.

“I’m sorry, oh my god, I’m so sorry, I love you.”

When he pulls away, he’s already blubbering. His skin is a blotchy, familiar red and his eyes are watery. He looks down at you like you aren’t real. He’s the tallest of the three of you, so you have to get on your tippy toes to kiss him.

Familiar. Your hands touch base at his chest before running up, cradling his face in your hands. You swipe the tears from him, giving him a biggrin.

“I missed you, Izuku.”

“Oh god, oh god—Can I?—Wanna kiss you both so bad, missed you so much, I’m so happy.”

“Slow down, you idiot. You’re gonna scare ‘em, jeez.” Katsuki says, but his face betrays him. You can see that he wants that too, when you look up. They both look at you expectantly, and you nod.

Izuku kisses you first. It’s just like him, terribly overwhelmed. He tastes mildly like salt, maybe from all the tears. He grabs your face and presses your lips to you like the world will end if he doesn’t. He does it once, pulls away, and does it two more times just to be safe. You giggle when he pulls away, looking at you in your eyes.

“We should t-talk properly, but I’m so so sorry, I just—”

You look at him. The scars all over him. The splattered freckles along the bridge of his nose and his dark lashes. You shake your head.

“Later,” — You offer, fingers slipping under his shirt — “Need you both.” You say, a little quieter.

This makes his eyes go wide before he pulls back completely, covering his face with hands. You hear Katsuki laugh behind you.

“Lewd fucking nerd.” He says, with a terrible amount of affection. Izuku’s voice goes raspy.

“Shut up, Kacchan.”

“Oh that’s right. The two of you never went all the way, right?”

You flush this time.

Katsuki nips at your neck with his teeth, soft and playful.

“You’re gonna make him cum in his pants, sweetheart,”

You feel something tickle in the back of your throat.

“I thought you weren’t… uhm. You know. Into me.” You admit. Izuku’s eyes widen so far his brows touch his hairline. Katsuku shake with laughter behind you.

“You got no idea how fucking gross he is. Haah, that’s funny. Not into you my ass.”

“Kacchan!”

Before you register it, Katsuki whispers in your ears. They’re making eye-contact with each other with you sandwiched in the middle. They’re both so much. Too much for any one person to handle, you don’t know how you’re going to do it.

Katsuki’s voice is smug.

“Reach your hand out. Go on,”

You do as he says, convinced you should. You want to. It’s not like you’ve never touched him before but never fully. You never really did anything, you just…

You touch it. Touch him. Your whole body goes hot as you feel something heavy in the palm of your hand. thick. It twitches against the material of his pants. Above you, Izuku shudders. His whole body shakes slightly.

“I didn’t even…”

“You think I call him ‘lewd nerd’ for fun. He’s a pervert, sweets. It’s just how it is.”

Your heart races. Fuck, what are you getting yourself into right now?

But it feels right. And with the both of them over you, the warmth of their bodies and strong forms - you can’t help but want to fall into it. You close your eyes, look up and glancing at both of them.

“I wanna do it.” You whisper, low. You feel your skin prickle with heat. Izuku groans and Katsuki chuckles.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

From the moment you stumble in your bedroom, everything around sort of disappears.

You’re quick to lock the door behind you, to ensure your cat doesn’t follow you but the moment you’re in - you’re practically surrounded. The energy alone is enough to melt your spine. Izuku carries you in his arms and Katsuki trails behind you, giving you a vicisious grin that makes you wetter than you know to handle.

It’s all very messy and desperate, trying to situate yourself into the bed. They keep you in the middle the entire time. At times like these, you’re grateful for the investment you made in your firm mattress. The two of them alone take up so much of the once roomy king-sized you find it hard to breathe.

You’re sitting on your legs with Katsuki mirroring you, behind you. Izuku hovers over you like a shadow. Your head feels jumbled with everything surrounding you. The first thing you feel is the shape of Katsuki’s mouth. His lips are tender and soft, pressing into your shoulder blade. You let out a fluttery little sigh, unsure of what to do.

It’s disorienting as much as it’s hot. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, two people who are wholly enigmatic without each other. Together you’re like stars colliding. Or maybe, yu’re the world between them, keeping them at bay - squeezed by the matter of their existence. Katsuki’s hand travel under your t-shirt, his hands squeezing your waist.

Izuku tilts your head up to kiss you first, then reach over your shoulder kissing Katsuki. You think, sometimes, you like seeing them kiss more than you like being kissed on your own.

“You’re so pretty… She’s so pretty, right Kacchan?”

He does an affirmative hum behind you. Heat rips through you, as Bakugou’s hands reach up. He cups your tits, bare underneath the fabric of your shirt. His chest rumbles with a groan, thumb, and pointer tweaking your nipples till they're hard. You let out a soft mewl.

“Fuck.. fuck look at that.”

He’s not talking to you, but to Izuku who’s watching you both with a shadowy expression. His eyes suddenly look dark. Terribly and utterly focused on your tits, where your nipples peek through your cotton white t-shirt. You would’ve worn something cute if you had the time. Thank god you showered at all, though you don’t think either of them would care.

Instead of answering, Izuku tugs at the bottom of your shirt. You feel Katsuki behind you, lifting the material up. They work together well. You raise your hands to let it to taken off, feeling shy you try to tuck your chin. Izuku’s quick to draw you back, using his hand to turn your head with a gentle force. He’s soft, but authoritative. It shakes you to your core.

“Hey. None of that okay. Keey your eyes on us.”

“What he said, sweetheart.”

You gasp a little as your bare skin touches the cold air. Goosebumps raise in patches all over your body.

At a loss for words, your eyes follow Izuku in his movements. How he scoots back on the bed, then dips his head down. His mouth is a surprise - he kisses down your sternum and with no warning at all - gropes your chest like it’s all he’s ever wanted to do.

It’s different from before. The way he squeezes them in his palms, pushes them together, watches them move and spill between his finger. He’s taking his time to explore you with the single-minded focus he always gets. His tongue planes over the hardened buds, around the creased skin before sucking the whole thing into his mouth.

You throw your head back, mouth open in a quiet gasp. Katsuki slowly slides your hands over your navel, across your stomach. Around your middle, his fingers fidget with the waist-band of your shorts, before dipping into the line. Your thighs squeeze instinctively, chewing the inside of your cheek.

It’s too much. You whimper a little as Izuku pays attention to your tits, your body flaring upr. Izuku is shameless in wanting you. His eyes are so focused on your every move, and his hands feel so impossibly big. It feels like he could eat you, swallow you - the way he touches you so shamelessly.

You’re so aroused. Wet enough that it’s soaking your cotton panties all the way through. It’s humiliating when Katsuki touches just over the seam, how his finger soaks on the damp spot.

“You’re making her so wet, nerd.”

“Really, Kacchan?”

“Fuck, yeah. She’s soaked. Feel good?”

The last part is talking to you. Izuku rubs your nipples with his thumbs, hands cradling your sides when you nod,

“Feels good.” You say back, halfway panting. You open your eyes up to look over at Izuku, then look back to Katsuki “I want you guys to take it off. Too many clothes.”

Katsuki laughs behind you, and you feel him pull away. Izuku places a kiss on your hairline. You scoot over, away from them, and watch them as you get undressed.

Your eyes land on Katsuki first. You’ve seen Izuku naked before, almost completely. You’d never seen Katsuki, so you watch. He catches you staring, giving you a little smirk before he turns over to you.

“You’re a freak too. Gettin’ off on watching me strip.”

You lean back on your palms.

“Should I tip you?”

He laughs.

“Fuck off.”

He takes it off a little more deliberately. Your eyes follow the curves in his body. The two of them are so stupidly jacked. Katsuki is a little leaner in his make up. His strength is concentrated in his back muscles and his arms. You see it when he reaches over his head. He’s lithe, smooth everywhere else but his arms are pure and almost brutish. It’s so sexy on him. There’s only one big scar on his body that you already know the story of.

You don’t even realize you’re staring at him until you hear his voice, smug as he calls you over.

“You wanna touch it?”

You nod, a little sheepish about being caught. Crawling over to him, you’re standing on your knee.. Izuku watches the two of you, out of the corner of his eyes. His lower lip is tugged, pressed under his teeth.

You let your fingers do the guiding. You start at his waist. He looks at you, intent. He’s artwork, you fight the urge to treat him rough - your fingers tracing over his obliques. Gently grabbing him, you trace all the way up the natural lines of his body, Even without flexing, you can see his physique. Your palms plane over the muscle of his back and arms before curling around his shoulders.

“You’re arms are so nice.”

“Yeah?”

“And you’re…”

Words escape you when you look down. His chest.. fuck. Katsuki is pale everywhere. His nipples are pink against his skin, noticeably bright. The cold season makes him pale where as Izuku is always tan. His chest is so fucking big. It’s so distracting you lose whatever you want to say. Your hands drop then reach forward, and without so much as a choice - you squeeze the fat of his chest between your fingers just like Izuku had been before.

Izuku comes up behind you. The two of them share a look you don’t have the mind to pay attention to.

“Kacchan has nice tits, doesn’t he?”

“Go fuck yourself, Deku.”

Your mouth feels so dry.

“Y-Yeah.”

“They’re sensitive.” Izuku tells you, voice thick. Revenge, or something along those lines. It piques your interest.

“Yeah?”

“Flick them. He likes it.”

When you look at Katsuki’s face it’s strained. A warm shade of pink dances over every inch of his exposed skin, and he’s holding his breath. Oh, you think. He wants this.

You flick his nipples and watch as his whole body crumbles forward. He drops his head on his shoulders, as you tweak and play with them. His voice is raspy, teeth gritted.

“Fuck, y-you’re evil. Fuck, there.”

“Pick your head up, Kat.”

He does so. He looks.. soft. Pretty. His eyes are a little glassy. You lean forward, letting your mouth close around one of his tits. He cries out, wobbly. Izuku is quick to keep him steady, hands reaching around to his hips.

“You learn fast.”

You hum sucking on each of them. Katsuki is a mess over you. His body is so hot, and you can see his cock against his clothes. You stay like that, the three of you stood on your knees with just enough space to tease and touch. Your body relishes the contact, mind-swimming. You indulge your desires to explore, tentatively testing the boundaries.

You pull away briefly saliva making his tits shiny. He looks at you, dazed.

“Can I leave marks on either of you?”

“Freak.” Katsuki says. You flush.

“Should be fine. Kacchan is wearing his winter costume, anyway.”

You nod your head, then let your tongue lave over Katsuki’s neck before biting and sucking. You leave it a little under the collar, low enough to be easily covered. He lets out a soft hiss.

“You’re so touchy with me. Gonna leave Izuku out to dry?”

You laugh, rubbing your cheek into his pec. Grabbing his ass, he gives you a little scowl but doesn’t tell you to stop.

“I never got to touch you. I touched Izuku at least.”

You feel Izuku’s chin on your shoulder.

“Kacchan’s right though, I feel neglected.”

Izuku’s arm closes around your waist. You turn your head slightly, enough to see him behind him.

“You want a hickey too?”

Izuku buries his face in your neck.

“Mm, maybe,”

“Are you both usually this needy?” You ask amused.

“You would be too if you were us, y’know?”

You think on what he’s said. Surrounded by the warmth of their bodies, you laugh.

“You had each other,” You tease. Katsuki scoffs and Izuku sounds like he’s whining. They’re both cute when they act like that.

“Like you didn’t have your fucking boy-toy.” Katsuki spits, petty jealousy clear in his voice. Izuku suddenly gets very tense and pulls away.

The utter devastation in his voice makes you feel a little bad, but another part of you feels vindicated and kinda happy they care. You hide a smile.

“...Are you seeing someone else?”

“If I was?”

Izuku makes a face you can only describe as heartbroken, making you burst out in laughter.

“Izuku, I was just kidding! Stop looking so sad.”

“You’re so mean.”

To think you could bring the number one hero in the country to tears fills you with silent pride. Katsuki pipes up behind you.

“She was gonna fuck him. Her legs are all shaved.”

Izuku gasps scandalized.

“Who even is he?!”

“A college boy,” You interject, dropping your head onto his shoulder “He was flirting with me when I went to buy cigarettes. Akio.”

Izuku frowns deep and frustrated.

“Sounds like a jackass.”

“He’s a nice kid, Katsuki. I’m still gonna get drinks with him on Saturday, anyway.”

Two voices shout at you at once.

“What?”

“The fuck?”

You break out into a fit of giggles.

“I promised I would if he studied.”

“And you’re gonna go and tell the kid that you’ve got two great boyfriends at home right?”

You grin a little. The possession in Katsuki’s voice is tangible. Izuku is silent but you can practically feel the frustration off him. You hum, pretending to think.

“Is that what you two are?”

“You’re so fucking evil, baby. Evil.”

You shrug.

“Dunno. The role of ‘significant other’ was vacant for a long time. Think I should give it up so easily?”

Katsuki sits up, leaning forward and trapping you between them. Your heart leaps.

“Wanna know what I think?”

You nod, Katsuki’s eyes sharpen.

“I think it’s a bad idea to provoke two heroes who could run laps around you, yeah?”

You look up at him, smiling.

“All that stamina should be put to good use, then. Earn your title, heroes. Sound good?”

“You’re such a tease.” Izuku rasps behind you. You look up to see him, eyes cloudy.

“I’m nice to boys who deserve it.” You say on a whim. Both of them react in a way you can’t predict, shock first then lust right after.

“Need you now.” Izuku says through a breath.

“How do you want me?”

“Want you to sit on my face. Want Kacchan to suck my cock.”

The way he says it makes you reel. You look at Katsuki. He looks.. obedient. It’s the only way you can think to call it. Excited. Your insides twitch.

“Fuck.” You groan “I want that.”

“Kacchan?”

“Shut up and take your dick out, nerd.”

His demeanors cools you off a little, but it’s not enough to stop the anticipation growing. The three of you suddenly move in haste. There’s enough room to move around, bed creaking as everyone adjusts to comfort. You watch Izuku lay down flat on the bed, the whole thing dipping under the weight of his body. You’ve seen him naked before, but it’s always a sight to behold. His whole body is covered in freckles, dense around his shoulders and his thighs.

He’s strong everywhere. As jacked as someone at his height could be, to deal with the burden of his quirk. Even so, the strongest part of him are his legs. Thick, muscular thighs that make your whole body go alight. He’s covered in scars of different sizes, smaller around his waist and middle. Dense on his arms and chest.

There’s hair on his stomach and over his pecs. Above his cock, well-trimmed and neat.

You feel your mouth go dry seeing Izuku’s cock sitting between his legs. You’ve never.. not like this. Your eyes are focus on it, trailing down the line. He isn’t cut, and the tip is darker than the rest. It does a hard curve left.

It’s so thick. Your stomach does a flip ar how unfathomable it is just looking at it.

“Nerd’s fucking hung, isn’t he?”

“You’re so big, Izuku. How do you even…?”

“You scared?”

You nod soft, and the both of them laugh.

“Worry about it later. Want you to sit on my face.” Izuku tells you. His tone is so agreeable, crushing your remaining barriers. Welcoming. You squirm a little thinking about taking it, but resign yourself to his request. You crawl over to him, situating your thighs on either side of his face.

Katsuki observers you for a minute before sitting between Izuku’s legs. You can tell from his confidence that he’s done it a hundred times before. There’s something about the position, the feeling that you’re getting off on each other that has your core feeling tight. Izuku puts his hands on the tops of your thighs.

For the first time, you’re fully at a loss. Katsuki gives you a grin when he realizes what you’re thinking. Your eyes are glued to his form, his physique. The curves of is body when he gets on his knees and arches up. Your heart thuds against your ribs desperately. The blood is rushing into your ears, your hand tingles with nerves.

Izuku must know where you’re focusing too, because his hands gently squeeze the tops of your thighs. He doesn’t take you down, or even move. His breath fans against your sticky cunt.

“Wanna see me suck cock so bad?”

Whatever over takes you is unspeakable. He just makes it sounds so good. The words die off in your mouth. You’re so wet, hyperfocused on the visual. Katsuki wraps his hands around the base of Izuku’s cock, and from under you there’s a moan. The realization hits all at once like a bulldozer leveling a city. You find yourself sinking under the crushing realization of what you’re doing. They’re pleasuring you, and each other. All together.

The thought alone makes your head spin.

“Keep your eyes on me. Don’t close ‘em, since you wanna be a fuckin’ pervert. And nerd,”

“Hn?”

“Don’t let her cum if I tell you she’s closin’ her eyes.”

You can feel his smile under you.

“Good idea, Kacchan.”

You gasp. Mumble something about them being evil, but the words don’t register. Without another minute of hesitation, Izuku all but drags you down to him.

The moment you feel Izuku dart his tongue out, you think the world from under you falling. You want, desperately, to close your eyes. It’s not like you’ve never had someone go down on you.

But Izuku isn’t just eating you out. He isn’t even really doing it for you. There’s a drunkeneness to it that has your thighs squeezing around his head. His hair tickles your skin and you’re so close you’re sure you’re suffocating him. His arms secure themselves around your thighs until you’re trapped in his grip. His tongue is gentle for a briefly, if only to welcome you the sensation.

But right after, with only a second between, he sucks his clit into the heat of his mouth. It’s so shameless it startles you. Your jaw hangs open, and your eyes squeeze shut. Your facing forward. You can feel the ridges of his nose, the point of his chin as the full weight of your body drops onto his face. Your hands fly forward, splaying on his chest to give yourself some semblance of balance.

Izuku moves like he isn’t thinking about anything other than tasting you. The drag of his tongue, muscles moving against your clit makes your toes curl. You bite your lip to cut off the sounds threatening to leave you only to give up minutes later.

“Ngh, ‘zuku—”

“Open your eyes, sweetheart.”

You struggle but listen. Blearily, you set your focus on Katsuki. The feeling of Izuku and his ruthlessness adds to your delirium. Suspended, you watch Katsuki work Izuku’s cock and feel like you might really die. The visual impact is enough to send you tipping over an edge more quick you ever have in your life and the intoxicated way Izuku’s latched onto your pussy makes you feel like giving in.

Katsuki is watching you back. This stuns you the most of anything. His eyes, red and fixed, are hard and looking at the place where your pussy meets Izuku’s chin. Even as he swallows around his cock, he’s looking at you. Meeting your gaze as he slides is tongue under the swollen head of his cock, flicking the tip. He’s only got one hand, placed carefully on Izuku’s thigh for balance.

But the other is fisted around his cock. His cock. Long, pink, leaking in his palms. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Izuku moans under you, into you. Submerged in the feeling of euphoria, you let out a pathetic cry. Katsuki watches you. His gaze is like splitting atoms, an impossibility happening infront of your eyes. All at once, you take everything in to process. You take Katsuki dipping his head down, his pinks lips stretching around Izuku’s cock. His eyes, stuck on your silhouttete as he takes it down the base without so much as a gag - the drool dripping down onto his chin in the same way you’re doing into Izuku’s face.

You take in the sight of him pulling off, mesmirzed by how much he’s taken. How good he is, how sloppy. Izuku is too, and something occurs in your head that maybe this is another way they mirror each other. The messy way Izuku eats your pussy, with his tongue and the whole of his mouth. With ridiculous fervor, with hazy determination.

You can’t take your eyes off of Katsuki. You’re consumed by the way they both make you feel, and you want to reach across to kiss him. Leaning forward, you rock your hips against Izuku’s tongue.

You want to kiss him. You’re going to kiss him.

“Katsuki,” You breathe out, voice broken. You rut yourself against Izuku’s face again this time, harder, clit rubbing hard against his tongue. He lets out an appreciative little moan, that encourages you chase your own high.

Balancing on Izuku with one hand and leaning forward, you reach your other one around Katsuki’s neck.

You kiss him. Over Izuku’s cock at first then around. The realization of what’s happening makes him moan into your mouth. Finger tangled in the blonde hair, you kiss him with tongue. The gesture is utterly absent minded. It’s greedy. You can’t help but want everything all at once and being apart from him is making you agitated.

You make out around Izuku’s cock after you feel sorry enough. Fucking yourself into his mouth, hips rocking - you take it upon yourself to join Katsuki. Whenever Izuku feels it, his fingers dig into your legs. Little crescent shaped indentations appear from how hard he’s gripping, how much he’s whining against your cunt and sending waves through you.

You’re so turned on, it’s hard to clear your head. Riding Izuku’s face with complete disregard, helping Katsuki suck his cock. The both of you around his shaft, trying to kiss each other while pre-cum stains the exchange. Everything feels like it’s blurry, like a motion shot - a picture taken with a moving subject.

You’ve held out for so long - you don’t have a chance to warn Izuku as an orgasm approaches you a full, frightening speed. Raggedly, you cry out his name. Katsuki groans, stopping to fix his eyes on your face.

Izuku makes a sound of appreciation, helping you fuck onto his tongue in the rhythm you did before. You hold yourself just barely.

All at once, with everything fibre of your being - you find yourself cumming. It doesn’t feel like any orgasm you’ve ever had before, not ever in your life. Like a bow and arrow, your entire body goes taut before the string snaps hard. All the muscles in your body freeze then release, the tension replaced with an unending wave of euphoria.

It feels so fucking good. So good you can’t breathe.

“O—Oh, fuck. Fuuh, fuck.”

You cum and can’t stop. Even as you try to pry yourself off, Izuku holds you down. They both stop in their motions, glued to you. Something warm and desperate starts to rush. A warbled warning comes out of you.

“I-Izuku, it’s—”

All at once, you lean completely bacl another brief wave of release hits. You can feel it. Fuck, you’re—

“Holy shit, sweetheart.”

You reel all the way back as you squirt into Izuku’s mouth - left to listening to him swallow it down. An audible gulp sends your stomach in knots, and you nearly fall. If Izuku wasn’t holding you, you would’ve.

You collapse forward again, this time completely. Wiggling your hips away.

Izuku lets go of you. Gasping for a breath of air immediately as you pull away, you see his cock twitch. Your cheek pressed against his navel, you take a minute to collect yourself.

“Oh my god. You two are going to kill me.”

The room is almost completely silent.

“...Have you ever?”

“I didn’t even know I could do that.”

Muffled underneath you, you hear Izuku.

“Can I please get a warning the next time the two of you decide to go at me at once? I almost came.” Izuku whines. You share a look with Bakugou before breaking out into laughter.

“Be fucking grateful nerd, Fuck that was so hot. You have a mean streak, sweetheart. Pulling my fucking hair.”

You laugh shakily.

“You suck dick like a champ, Katsuki.”

He snorts.

“Shut up.”

For a minute, silence stretches between you. You squirm slightly, before frowning. Appreciative it’s comfortable despite the intense emotions left to linger.

“I was the only one who came.” You say thoughtfully.

“To be fair I almost did. I was flexing my muscles to stop.” Izuku admits. You giggle at the bit of honesty.

“Katsuki… wanna make you cum. Both of you, but it doesn’t feel fair,”

“I had fun, don’t worry. I dunno about the nerd, but I do wanna fuck you.”

Even after doing something so insanely sexual, a flush crawls up your spine.

“I..I want you to fuck me.”

“Wanna fuck you too,” Izuku says underneath you. You wiggle your hips, closing your eyes. You feel a little guilty, even suggesting it.

You flop onto your back, pulling away from Izuku. With your legs kicked up, you cover your face with your hands about what you want to suggest.

“I… uhm. The both of you could.. fuck me at once. If you wanted to.”

You’re almost too afraid of opening your eyes when you hear Katsuki pipe up.

“Holy shit, are you serious?”

You roll over, away from them. You try to anyway.

Before you know what’s happening, Izuku is sitting up. Like you weightless than piece of paper, he flips you over and grabs you until you’re situating his lap. Katsuki sits up, behind you. His chest is pressed against your spine. The two of them look at you hard but you keep covering your face.

Izuku swallows the spit in his mouth, starting at you.

“Do you mean.. like.. the both of us? At once?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“...You ever taken it in the ass before, sweetheart? Shit aint easy,” Katsuki says in something akin to earnesty.

You laugh warmly.

“In college.”

Katsuki snorts.

“Fucking really? With your dweeb ass boyfriend?”

“Kacchan.” Izuku tsks, though you’re sure they share the same sentiment. You nod.

“Anyway, I have. A-and it.. that way we’d all be super close, yknow?”

Katsuki groans.

“Fucking hell,”

“What Kacchan said.” Izuku says, blowing an amused puff of air through this nose.

“It’s not a big deal,” You grumble. Katsuki laughs.

“Hearing our newly acquired significant other say they want us to D.P. them is a big deal, idiot.”

“You’re so vulgar.”

Izuku smiles at you both fondly, absently reaching a hand out. He cups Katsuki’s face in his palm, looking down at you.

“We have to prep you really well. And if it’s too painful at any point, you have to tell me or Kacchan, Okay?”

“Mm…Okay. Love you, Izuku.”

He splutters. Katsuki clicks his teeth behind you.

“Love you too, Katsuki. Love you both so much.”

“We love you too,” Izuku says, alreacdy on the verge of tears. Katsuki laughs.

“What the nerd said.”

You relish in each others company for a while, soft and leaning into each other. After everyone’s caught their breath, Izuku pats your thigh.

“Do you have lube?” Izuku asks. You laugh, nodding.

“Top drawer of my vanity.”

Izuku pressed a kiss to your temple, getting up.

“Okay. Get comfortable and lay down, Kacchan, lay with her.”

“Not the boss of me, shitnerd.”

Despite himself, Izuku gets up to get your things and Katsuki does as he asks. You get yourself comfortable in the bed and your blonde boyfriend follows suit. He lays down close to you, turned slightly to face you.

He puts a hand out, running his middle finger along your jaw until your face is pointed to him. The proximity is comforting, your eyes following his lips. It’s an awfully tender gesture when he kisses you, softly pressing his lips to yours. You make a little sound of approval into his mouth, making him grin.

“Nervous?”

“A little. Two at once is a lot”

He snorts.

“I bet. Just relax yeah. We’ll start with the hard part. Should make it easier.”

You give him a little smile, kissing the corner of his mouth.

“You make anal sound very romantic.”

“You fucking saps are rubbing off on me. Do you know how you want us?”

You scrunch your nose in embarrassment. It’s not like you don’t have an answer.

“I want you inside and Izuku in.. y’know.”

He gives you a playful grin.

“You a masochist or something?”

“Shut up,” You say weakly, tucking your chin “Just seems like something he’d be into.”

“Guess you’re not wrong about that,”

Like you’ve conjured him from thin air, Izuku returns to your bed with a familiar bottle of lube and some condoms. His face looks unusually red as you watch him get back on the mattress, settling in between your spread legs.

“Izuku?”

He stops for a minute, startled.

“You… have so many sex toys.” He says. Your eyes widen before you break out into a laugh. You thought you’d be embarrassed if anyone ever saw but for some reason, you mostly find it funny.

“You serious nerd?”

“More than the two of us combined, Kacchan,”

Katsuki turns to look at you, leaning in to give you a giggly kiss.

“Nasty.”

“It slipped my mind, You found what you were looking for though, right?”

He gives you a nod, holding up a bottle of lube - nearly full. You ran out a couple of weeks ago.

Izuku puts a palm underneath your knee, your breath hitching. He looks at you seriously for a minute, thumb rubbing a circle into your skin. He gives you a look.

“Tell me if it hurts. I’m gonna go really slow, ‘kay? And Kacchan, keep her comfy.”

“Got a good idea for that,” Katsuki says. You look at him curiously.

“Keep your eyes on us, sweetheart.”

Nodding, you lift your legs a little higher. You hold yourself up, nails pressed into the back of your thighs. Just like Katsuki insists on, you keep your eyes on Izuku. He looks determined as he flicks the lid open. The lube is shiny as it pours onto his fingers in a thick, clear stream. Warming it up, he looks down. You’re conscious of his gaze, the way you’re so bare and exposed. You can feel how spread out you are because of the position.

Izuku rubs the ring of muscle first, before doing anything else. You squirm at the sensation. It’s not unpleasant, but it isn’t pleasant either. It just feels a little intrusive as he touches it, rubbing along the creased skin.

“Relax, love. Don’t think about it.”

You try to follow his words, so you turn your attention to Katsuki. He gives you a mild look before you feel his hand reach out, groping your tits before sliding his palm down your body, squeezing you gentle.

“When he pushes in, take a deep breath and exhale. And don’t worry about anything else.”

You nod, feeling him inch closer to you. He kisses you this time, soft. His hand keeps going lower and lower until you feel a finger against your puffy clit. It aches from his fingers. You try not to move.

“Good?” Katsuki asks.

“Little more to the left, please.”

He hums at the feedback and does as you ask, rubbing your clit just enough to take your mind off of everything. You find yourself relaxing involuntarily from the pleasure. While your head is busied with it, he kisses you. Engages you in making out, taking time to suck on your tongue in the way he’s learned you like. It’s a messy kiss, too drooly than you think someone like him would be comfortable with.

But the contact feels good, feels nice. Your pussy responds to each of his gestures noticably, a dull throb growing inside from the ache. You want to be fucked, and you’d take it in whatever way you can have.

“Don’t squirm, baby.” Katsuki says, pulling away from you in a pant.

“Hard,” You say simply. He laugh, biting the roundest part of your cheek.

“Sooner you’re prepped, sooner we can fuck you.”

“Gonna push in okay? Take a deep breath.”

You nod. Katsuki keeps you steady, breathing with you as you feel Izuku push in his middle finger in. It’s a just barely there sensation. You’re expecting some pain, but there’s nothing more than a dull sense of discomfort. You let out a long, deep breath, until you feel him reach the first knuckle. The prep is relatively uninteresting, but you can feel a stretch. A mild, sensitive feeling of invasion.

But it feels.. dirty? Forbidden, somehow and that’s making your breath hitch. The both of them are staring so hard at you. Katsuki keeps rubbing your pussy to keep you at bay. You hiccup.

“Okay?”

You nod.

“Doesn’t hurt. Just feels… funny.” You say. Izuku breathes a sigh before he very slow pulls the finger out of you. Your heart pulses, a sense of relief when he takes it out that leaves you curious. Your eyes widen. Katsuki takes notice of your expression.

“Feels nice?”

“Y-Yeah.”

Izuku goes a little faster this time, a little harder. When the motion is fluid, he’s careful to add another finger. You feel lube drip down onto your ass, the thick and sticky sensation. Katsuki leans into you.

“Deep breath,”

You listen, breathing deep as another finger joins him. This time the stretch is more noticeable. Izuku leans forward, kissing your knee where you’re holding it up.

“Pretty little hole,” Izuku muses. Your eyes go wide from embarrassment when you hear Katsuki snicker at you. Izuku doesn’t stop his mumbling, fixed on how your fingers suck him in “Can’t wait to fuck you.”

Lost in a haze, his eyes flick up to you with a smile. It’s so disarming it startles you. You lean back.

“Okay, baby?”

“You’re s-so dangerous.”

He frowns.

“Why do you say that?”

Katsuki scoffs above you, making you feel marginally better. You take another breath as he repeats the motions of before, slowly fucking into you. You feel your ass give as you get comfortable, your body no longer instinctively resisting the sensation. You feel yourself stretch and stretch and stretch, but it doesn’t feel the same as being torn open. There’s something strangely familiar about the gesture.

Katsuki touches you through it. Teases your clit with his fingers and brings you to the edge, always stopping before you can cum. Despite your protest, you get the feeling it’s to help you cum while you’re getting fucked but not before then. You let out soft little moans of pleasure and the way Izuku is starting to fuck you open on his fingers is finally starting to feel like something besides funny.

You look down at Izuku, who gives you a half smile. Something deep in you aches, it’s a sensation you haven’t felt in a long time. Bone-deep desire to be fucked and filled and close together leaves you oddly emotionaly.

“You, okay? Think you’re ready?”

You feel yourself squirm against Katsuki’s hand, who’s busied himself by cupping your pussy with his palm.

“I’m ready. Want you in my ass, and Katsuki in me,” You tell him. His eyes widen before he lets an involuntary groan. Sometimes his predictability is charming in it’s own way.

“Yeah.. yeah. Then let Kacchan get underneath you, and I’ll get on top. Sound okay?”

“Mm,”

It takes a minute to switch positions again but eventually you end up where you want. Katsuki lays comfortably on the mattress, head propped up on some pillows. Rubbing his cock with one hand lazily, he gives you smirk.

“Hop on?”

“Oh fuck you,”

A laugh bubbles out of you as you crawl ontop of him, throwing your legs on either side of his hips. You hover over his cock, getting comfortable as you feel his hands grab your ass and squeeze, pulling them apart without shame. He’s got the same look as always, a cocky looking smile as he pivots his hips and rubs the head of his cock against your folds. Shuddering, you wrap your hand around the base.

“Sure you don’t need prep?”

You nod your head, biting your lip as you guide the head of his cock down a little lower. You feel Izuku behind you.

“No condom?”

“Wanna feel it.” You reply. Katsuki groans under as you guide the head to your entrance. You take a deep breath as you start to sink yourself on it. Going as slow as possible to make sure it doesn’t hurt, Katsuki does a hard hiss underneath you. His head tilts back, mouth open in loud moan. You feel his cock twitch inside of you as you finally push yourself to the last inch.

When you bottom out you sigh, the familiar and pleasant sensation starting to ensnare you. Eyes heavy, you look at Katsuki who looks like he’s having a hard time keeping his head above water. Your hands go on his chest.

“Katsuki?”

“I’ve never—holy shit—”

“You’ve never done it like this?”

“Bakugou lost his virginity to Kirishima and I lost mine to Ochako. So he’s never…”

Unable to help your shock, an idea pops into your head as you lean forward. He feels so fucking good. He’s got a curve just upright that sits nicely inside of you, keeps you full and touches you in all the right ways. Beneath you he’s trembling, unable to shake the feeling.

“Katsuki,” You purr, breathy as you lift your hips up. “Does that feel good?”

“H-Holy fuck. Fuck, baby—you’re so wet. Feels like you’re gonna melt me,”

With a little effort, you do an intentional squeeze around him. His eyes shoot open, gasping for air.

“D-Don’t—You little shit. Squeezing me like that, stupid brat.”

He holds your hips down where you stop, giving you a look that’s only half angry.

“I’m just making you feel good.” You maintain. His hand comes down on your ass hard, making you laugh.

“You can make me feel good without trying to milk me, fucksake. Slow down and let Izuku in,”

You give him smile, leaning forward. Katsuki gets what you’re trying to do almost immediately. His hands squeeze your ass again, this time spreading you apart intentionally. You can only see from the corner of your eye because you’re squished into Katsuki’s chest - bare chest on his. But Izuku shoots off a deep, guttural groan as Katsuki offers him a smile. You feel his chin atop your head.

“Don’t make her wait long, dweeb.”

It happens just like that. Izuku approaches you, cock in hand and situates behind the two of you. You take in a deep breath when you feel the tip protruding against your hole. Everything… halts. Like the sound of something, a faint quiet before everything hits the ground running. You’re already stretched, already full with cock. Your head can’t wrap around taking anymore but still, Izuku persists. He grabs you with great strain, and pushes his cock into the tight ring with a choked cry.

All three of you react to the feeling. He’s not even all the way in, but the deep sensation and pressure has you reeling already. Katsuki lets out a yelp. The both of them are grabbing you, anchoring themselves as Izuku pushes himself just barely inside. A tight fit wouldn’t even begging to describe it. You feel plugged up completely, from the inside.

“C-Can I…? Can I please—”

“Move, Izuku, move.”

And he does. He does it slowly, at an awfully slow pace like he’s trying to keep you all the way together. Brain full of static, you’re absolutely fucking astounded. He pushes in a little more, and the heavy weight of his cock feels like it’s sinking. You can feel his cock against Katsuki’s inside of you. They both feel it at the same time because underneath Katsuki is twitching. Letting out pants, face strained and absolutely fucking out of it.

The room is filled with a wet, sticky sort of noise as Izuku moves himself. He checks in, pushes when you confirm, and does it for what feels like ages until you feel his navel against you. He’s inside of you, completely inside of you. You feel… complete. It’s so fucking unbelievable. It feels like being torn apart, ripped in half. A sensation you couldn’t imagine existing.

All while feeling incredible. It’s deep enough to push the air out of you, out of your lungs in a ragged breath. Your body goes limp, sweaty between the two of them.

“Baby, baby, you feel incredible and K-Kacchan, can f-feel Kacchan in, Kacchan’s cock you, feels so good, love you both, love you so much—wanna move, can I? Can I move baby, need to—”

“Fuck me,”

Like they do everything, they work together in sync so seamlessly in breaks you. Katsuki gives Izuku room to thrust first, letting him control the pace to make sure you’re not hurt. The feeling of his big cock, fucking your ass when you’re already so hopelessly full, is making your body feel completely limp. Every single nerve of pleasure that could be touched or toyed with is being rubbed against. Pleasured from the inside out, your mouth is fallen open in a silent scream.

You’re all so close. You’re face is tucked into Katsuki’s neck where you can hear his every breath or moan or cry. Izuku is draped over you, his chin over your shoulder - mouth against your neck and licking the sweat off of your skin. One of your hands is on Katsuki’s chest, and the other is reaching around for Izuku - for something of him to hold onto. Your vision is blurry, and the world outside is finally starting to sink into the night.

Room painted in an vibrant orange daylight, you’re soaked in pleasure that feels hedonistic. The violent waves of pleasure leave you feeling like kindling - the thing that makes fires burn. The first time you cum from this, you don’t register it completely. The bliss of the experience isn’t concentrated. You feel the dull throb of desire - starting from the top of your head to the soles of your feet.

You cum, the first time, without any intention. The forces around make it happen and the way you squeeze makes both men have to stop completely as you ride out your high - the feeling of it overshadows your first orgasm.

It’s an out-of-body experience. You start to see your vision go white, and when you’re finished - you feel the two of them start to fuck you again. This time it’s slower, more deliberate as they try to drag the feeling out.

Izuku wraps a hand around your waist, sticks between your body and Katsukis. You feel his fingers on your clit, wincing. His voice is soothing, gentle.

“I love you. Want us all to cum together. I love you so much. We’re so close. One more, okay? Just one more.”

“I love you, sweetheart. Love you too, nerd. Give us one more. Together?”

You don’t know what it is. It’s a weird fucking time to get all emotional, all worked up into nothing. Still, you find yourself nodding. It’s a strange time to think you’re so in love but you’re so worked up, so blissful like you’re being cradled by the golden threads of the sun. Warm all over your body in as much measure as you’re burning with lust. The feeling of their bodies, of Katuski placing kisses on your skin and Izuku pressing himself to your cheek.

Izuku panics when you cry, but you reassure him that you’re fine. And you are fine, completely and utterly fine. There’s just something terrifying about being loved at such a magnitude - being able to do something like this at all without any pretense or fear. The mutual sensation of trust and all the pleasure.

Everything that happened, the life you’ve lived so far that once felt blurry comes to you with clarity. Like clear water, your love appears in front of your eyes, and it appears clear. It was never worthless. Never meaningless. Always meant to be, and always purposeful. The two of them have loved you with so much intention since the beginning, and it’s taken this long to take it in. To realize.

With a shaky, soft voice - you warn them.

“G-gonna cum.”

You let go this time, pure relief running through. A few more short thrusts have them both following suit. Feeling them twitch inside of you at the same time makes your heart feel strangely full. It’s all a little stupid, but when the adrenaline starts to settle - you can’t help but smile.

The room is completely dark as the three of you lay together in the silent aftermath. Your eyes feel heavy as you fall forward.

You don’t wake up till the next morning.

It’s a little disorienting, truthfully. The sun isn’t out, instead the day is wrapped by comfortable clouds and cool rainfall. You don’t even know the time as you finally get yourself up - though you’re both naked and clean.

Sitting up in your bed, memories of last night return to you swiftly. Your lower back throbs painfully. You laugh, putting your hand on it while you rub your eyes. Looking around your room, you find a stack of clothes with a note on top.

“In the kitchen. Get dressed and come join us.” Written in Katsuki’s handwriting.

Standing up to stretch, you rub the remaining tired out of your vision and throw out what clothes have been set for you before unlocking your door and stepping out into the living room.

You’re surprised to find the both of them still there. Izuku is pouring cat food for Ganache, while Katsuki is at the stove making something that smells nice though you aren’t sure what it is.

You hear Izuku first. He turns around to find you dressed, his face breaking out into a smile. Without a warning, he picks you up and spins you around in his arms. You let out a squeal.

“Ah, Izuku! Wait, I haven’t brushed my teeth,”

“Don’t care. Kiss! Kiss!”

You can’t help but relent to him as he carries you effortlessly in his arms. He places kisses all over your neck and face before kissing you on the lips. You get comfortable against him, surprised by how sturdy it is. He rubs his face against you as he carries you on one arm, dragging you to Katsuki who looks at you a little unamused.

You lean over to kiss him on the lips which he returns with soft smile.

“You fucking idiots better sit down to eat. Swear to god.”

Instead of answering, you kiss him one more time. He rolls his eyes but returns the gesture before busying himself back with the food.

Izuku eases you on the counter instead of either you going back to sit. He stands between your legs.

“Thanks for making breakfast. What time is it?”

“11:32,”

Your eyes widen immediately, as you scramble up.

“Shit, I have work today.”

Izuku stops you, looking sheepish.

“No you don’t.” He says, looking away.

“Huh?”

Katsuki grins, flipping over the rolled egg with a self-satisifed laugh,

“Sometimes,” He starts, pouring more egg into the pan “Being a Pro-Hero has it’s perks.”

You immediately start into a fit of laughter, leaning forward to nuzzle into Izuku’s chest.

“And you two?”

Izuku’s voice reverberates.

“Called in some favors. Thought it’d be good to spend a day together.”

You feel like you’re in one long dream. After everything. There’s still so much to talk about but you let yourself ride the high. Contented, you sigh, wrapping your arms around Izuku and closing your eyes.

“I think so too.”

#bkdk x reader #bakugou x reader #deku x reader #bnha x reader #bnha smut #bakugou smut #deku smut #writing tag

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