#i finally have one where i like the final product more than the sketch yay

[ocean-waters]

Free!cember: memory

I just love how when Haru thinks of Rin during their childhood, he almost always pictures his smile and cherry blossoms. Iwcejdvekdheb I just love them a normal ammount, ok?

This is a redraw of one of those memories in my style.

[desidesidesi]

The first liveblogging of the excitement of The Box TM was getting out of control so I'm making a new post and sharing a new story.

So! My mother and her friends live in a poor backwater of Mississippi. Like we visited during Thanksgiving and the "City Square" which is the heart of the city was either cute, kitschy gift stores or buildings that are literal husks with caved in rooves. So they are permanently B O R E D and have picked up the art......... Of Dumpster Diving in the extremely rich college town north of them (not naming it cuz I don't wanna dox my mom or ruin their weird side hussle. @banahbanah you know where I'm talking about)

Apparently they heard tale that all the rich college kids and stores just throw out perfectly good furniture, clothing, anything under the sun at the end of the semester. Sure enough she's told me about a giant 65in TV that was "broken" (a 50$ repair got it working again) basically a new wardrobe, perfectly good food (Star Bucks throws away so much shit), Coach Bags, and knick-knacks galore!

This is all relevant because half of the stuff in The Box are goodies from one of her outings!

First pic!

In this picture (Professor Juniper for Scale) we have a Bento Box, a Tea Cup (which she worried would break but thankfully did not), and two different gift sets of tea (both thrown out well before their expi date) all gotten from the HomeGoods Dumpster in said rich college town.

Now, I know what you're thinking: Desi. Isn't this a little privileged and problematic that a bunch of Southern White Women can go around dumpster diving and basically not get in trouble with the police? And I say... Like, duh? But they kinda do a Robin Hood approach to their little operation and share with everyone in their friend group anything and everything they find! They're basically using their privilege to stick it to corporate America and even MORE privileged white people!

Also in this pictures are crystals from an old chandelier in my childhood room. Mom was replacing it and asked if I wanted it? I'm renting, I don't have any place to put it lol so I just said "Can I have the crystals to make Sun Catchers with?" She didn't quite get it, but she sent them anyway so yay!

And of course, my delicious Milex (powdered milk for those that don't know what the hell I'm talking about) 💖💖💖 I know I'm a weirdo for basically using it as a cereal additive by making things extra milk, but I fucking love it and it tastes of childhood. 💖 We have to get friends to "import" it from Honduras cuz the company that makes it doesn't sell online anywhere??? It's fucking wild how hard it is to find this stuff!!! Gotta ration better this time. I literally used the last bag she got me in a few weeks 😅

Also? Cute cows on the packaging!

And finally! The Purse-My-Aunt-Saw-And-Thought-I-Would-Appreciate-It-Best!

Look at this thing! It was "Made in Nepal" with "environmentally friendly products" and is bigger than my damn torso??? I can fit my full-sized sketch book in this dang thing lol! It's very... Hippy dippy lol. I definitely see why she got it for me 🤣 Will have to wear it around Colorado and see if I get any Crunchy Moms lusting after it.

BUT YES. I did an unboxing on Facebook Messenger with my mom and dad and it was silly fun. Hope this random hobby my mom has taken up nets me more random bullshit lol.

[crescencestudio]

Devlog #3 | 8.17.21

Hi everyone! I’m back with an official devlog update. I know I recently posted a small update regarding the GUI, and I’m here with a more in-depth update on where the game is at, especially in terms of Chapter 1 and the upcoming sample release :D 

These past couple of weeks, I’ve been working a lot on art stuff. I mentioned before how I had a lot of art work to do for the release, and I’m happy to say I’ve made a lot of progress for it! I’ve worked on the GUI, completed all the sprites (including side characters), and completed CGs and BGs. Here’s a little sneak peek~

See below the cut to see more information regarding chapter 1 progress and more screenshots!

Sprites: 100% Complete | All sprites are finished YAY. I’ve done the ones for side characters and all expressions needed for Chapter 1 \o/

General Art (i.e. BG’s, CG’s, GUI, etc.): 95% Complete | BGs and CGs are complete. GUI is mostly done - if I have time to get to some extra screens I’d like to show, I’ll do my best. But all the core stuff is done, I just need to code it in appropriately c:

Script: 99% Complete | All the script is complete. I’m going over it one more time for final edits and small tinkers but that’s it!! 

Coding: 90% Complete | I’ve added in effects for dialogue to make it more immersive and have coded everything for the main game/ gameplay. The only thing left is GUI

In general, a lot of my attention has been on art. Recently, I’ve been working on the GUI and now have custom text boxes, quick menu, save/ load screens, and main menu, which is a lot more than I thought I would get done for the GUI! I have to code a lot of these, which is what’s taking up most of my time. But I’m happy with the progress I’ve made and am happy to say the GUI won’t be as scuffed as I thought it would be!

That being said, some parts will still be scuffed and/ or missing that will hopefully make it in to the next update. The preferences page will be the default one for now unless I have time to create and code it. I also wanted a personality page and codex page. Right now, I most likely won’t be able to have those included in this drop, but we’ll see! I’ll keep you all updated :D

Regarding coding, I have to code GUI stuff but I’ve completed coding for the game itself! Dialogue, choices, and personality stuff is all coded into Chapter 1. I’ll be going over the script one last time in case I want to make any small edits to the writing (i.e., flow, description, etc.), but the draft itself is finished and just has tiny edits! 

Finally, in terms of sprite and other art, I’ve completely finished all the sprites, including the side characters for Chapter 1. I also have all the BGs done and CGs. For Chapter 1 sample, there will be two CGs that you all will be able to see. I think I previously said there will be one for each character’s introduction, but I don’t know why I ever thought six CGs was possible for one chapter, especially when the full demo will include four chapters LOL. That would be like 24 CGs total in the demo? I don’t know what possessed me to say that originally. So now, I’ll be having each character have a CG for the full demo plus one more, which may be in a group or something. In terms of breakdown, there will most likely be about 2-3 CGs/ chapter for the entire demo (which still is kinda a lot but some of these CGs will be things like group pictures, action shots, etc.)

Here are some sketches of the CGs - I don’t want to show full ones or really completed previews because CGs can feel more like spoilers and are special scenes in the game. But I do want to feed you all so here you go \o/

So for now, my main concern is cleaning up the current product to make it as clean as possible and coding GUI stuff! In terms of content, it’s mainly finished and in it’s almost final form :D Over the next couple of days, I’ll be releasing character profiles so things like what they dislike/ like, powers, hobbies, etc. If any of you have anything you’d like to learn more about regarding Alaris, definitely let me know! I’m more than happy to answer questions or create more posts explaining anything about the game~

Last thing, but the itch.io page for the game officially received over 150 views recently. I know that is such a small milestone compared to other games, but I’m so happy with it since I haven’t been around long and don’t have anything playable yet!! Thank you for the support, and I hope you’re excited for the sample release :) As always, feel free to follow my itch.io for the official game page, donate to my Ko-fi to support, or follow my Twitter to follow for any other updates! Until next time~

[sordidbask]

LIFE IS STRANGE COMIC RANT

So... I have officially finished reading the Life is Strange comics up to Issue #12 and I have some things to say.

SPOILERS i guess...

For starters, I have to wonder... what did the writers even hope to accomplish by making these? Did they want to show a continuation of the bae over bay ending featuring Max and Chloe dealing with the aftermath of that fateful week? Did they want to provide some form of closure for Pricefield supporters who were left wanting after an open-ended finale? It sure seemed that way from how the comics were marketed. And yet, I'm sitting here writing this feeling outraged at how this story, even if non-canon, was handled. I feel disgusted by how they handled Max's personality and motivations, how pathetic she feels and how downright painful it is to read some of her thoughts. Every issue I found myself frowning and repeating in my mind that "Max would never do that", "There's no way Max would say that", "Chloe would never be ok with that". Are we supposed to accept that Max would just abandon Chloe because reality is messing up for some reason and suddenly we learn that the Max from the comics is not the actual Max we played as in the game but rather a Max that doesn't belong in that reality and has to go to a timeline in which she is the third wheel to a love triangle between Chloe and Rachel so that the Chloe from the destroyed bay timeline can stay behind and look for her own Max or the Max that actually belongs in that timeline? Are there two Maxes in the same universe at the same time and Chloe has to look for her on her own for years and this other Max just kisses her goodbye forever? Max, who did everything she did during that week for Chloe, who went through hell and back to keep Chloe at her side, who sacrificed and entire town and let her friends die all for her love of Chloe would just leave her behind, teleport to a new universe and accept that Chloe is already taken in this new reality and would stop loving her romantically? If you love me let me go bullshit? Really? We played as Max, we rooted for her and we wanted her and Chloe to be together but to see her submissively accepting a reality in which she is friendzoned by Chloe because Chloe is happy there and she can't go back because the plot doesn't let her or she doesn't want to because apparently she is perfectly fine with being friendzoned for years by the woman she loves all in the name of "... but she is happy"????? When Max dreams of "her Chloe" telling her that she shouldn't forget her guilt for what happened in Arcadia Bay and should always remember it because it somehow makes her a good person, are we supposed to accept that too? Is that the message? She isn't allowed to let go? She isn't allowed to move on? Her being in this reality is some kind on punishment by the universe that she must endure? Max even convinces herself that it's bad and selfish that she wants to go back to the only reality she has ever known because... the universe doesn't want her to and will keep sending her into these flickers? Issue #12 is all about bulding up the tension towards this great climax where Max will access the Transect or whatthefuckever and be reunited with "her" Chloe, the Chloe we know, after two years of fucking around and when she finally finds her timeline... nope, anti-climax, she can't access it, she can't go back to her, she is stuck here so might as well go on a road trip and watch how happy the person she loves is with some other chick who she has to accept as her BFF. It's all so insulting and stupid.

I'm not really sure why I'm ranting about this since it feels like a lot like needlessly and senselessly ripping into somebody else's AU fic which might be their own interpretation of things and that's perfectly fine, but the thing is this is an officially licensed product sold for money and marketed primarily at people who chose the bae over bay ending and I went into the comics thinking that. I read somewhere that the story was meant to be wrapped up in Issue #4 but because of the overwhelming success and some outside intervention, they decided to prolong the story. And now we have Amberpricefield for everyone and zero closure and love for Pricefield supporters. Yay.

This is strictly personal but I hate Amberprice to no end. I believe Rachel is a well-crafted character and I respect her as such, I just hate who she is, her personality, her behaviour, her manipulation of everyone around her. And with this in mind, seeing Amberprice so vividly when I myself am a die-hard Pricefielder was more than a little jarring. I get that this is a new reality where everyone is happy and Rachel never cheated on Chloe and genuinely reciprocates her feelings. Thing is, we were never exposed to that, we were never shown how such a perfect relationship could be built between these characters and as such I can't see a reason to root for it. What little Amberprice we got was in the form of a semi-canon prequel game and even there it was left ambiguous as to whether Rachel returned Chloe's feelings or not. What we do know for certain is that Rachel manipulated Chloe to get out of Arcadia Bay, encouraged the more self-destructive aspects of her personality and, if you want to go the romance route, she canonically cheated on her twice. That's why I had trouble seeing so much Amberprice and Max not only being a witness to the whole thing but accepting it with her head down.

I hate shitting on people's work but ultimately I feel insulted by how the writers handled the story and these characters that are so dear to my heart. I don't mind Amberprice or Amberpricefield stories on AO3 or fanfiction.net which rewrite the character of Rachel to make her less of an asshole because I ignore them and, in the end, people can write about whateverthefuck they want. But the fact that they baited us and promised us a Pricefield story and what we got instead was an idyllic Amberprice with a friendzoned Max... I cannot see it as anything other than an insult.

And the last straw came in the form of that unspeakable road trip idea and the caption "Partners in time" used for Max, Chloe and the other one. I used to think that Amberprice was insulting but now I realize that Amberpricefield is even more insulting. Why the hell did we play 10 hours of a game which, at its core, was essentially about the relationship between these two characters called MAX AND CHLOE? Why the need to shove Rachel Amber wherever possible and, to add insult to injury, take a phrase so iconic, so powerful and so personal which belongs only to Max and Chloe such as "Partners in Time" and use it to refer to the three of them? Are we supposed to be OK with that? We fell in love with how much these two characters loved each other and to add a third participant feels incredibly out of place. Feels like the writers of the comic actively hate Max and Pricefielders who chose the bae over bay ending and think that what the fandom needs is to have the trio of the most important characters in Season 1 as BFF's as if we're still waiting for the release of Chaos Theory. Are these the new powerpuff girls, Titan Comics? Give me a break.

I'm going to keep reading, not buying, the comics just to see what else they can do with this clusterfuck of a story and how much more they can shit on Max, Chloe and Pricefield supporters. Honestly, I hope we see more love for Pricefield in future issues (judging from her Christmas sketch, at least the illustrator is slightly more Pricefield than the writer) but all seems to indicate that it's only going to go downhill from here.

Just needed to get this off my chest.

[intervital]

I didn't want an entire year to lapse before I even wrote in this "before I die" journal so here is the decorated front and back covers, some planning, and a black and white photo of what a @beforeidieproject wall looks like. The journal helps you accomplish your dream in 100 days. The before I die wall is a public art project where people write their bucket list goals on a chalkboard. Funds from this journal, created by @candychangland, and the Before I Die book support that project as well as @ritualfields. Do check them all out, they're incredible to read.

Before I Die I want to become a prolific, engaged & brave writer. I know I have potential and feel confident enough to execute:

Prolific ~ read deeply and widely, submit simultaneously, update my & The AALR's social media frequently, blog at least once a week, work on more than one project, journal consistently, make marginalia

Engaged ~ write book reviews on faves on Goodreads, Amazon & elsewhere, connect with authors and writers and let them know you enjoy their work, attend & volunteer at readings, share opportunities, table for The AALR & LAKAS zine, critique others' work, be active on bookstagram & litsy

Brave ~ go for residencies & fellowships, write pitches, apply for publishing jobs, do open mics again, read & perform at events, attempt new genres & mediums, do writing workshops again

I've been making headway at the start of 2020, tho it's been nerve-wracking to wait for responses. But it's all positive so far so yay. I'm working on promoting myself better. I actually got published in two zines last year but I didn't want to share cuz it was tech old work. But fuck it, I'm still proud of those words so no more bashfulness.

The front cover is a vision board of sorts. I seek perfect wax seals, high and wide-ranging productivity, letters, reading, traveling, different perspectives on the same subject, adventure, facing fears, adoring my face & being, trusting myself, stationery, ephemera, fully immersed, discovery, and magic. I left that paper clip and oval paper sticker blank because I don't know if I should number it as "Vol. I" or put my name. I really want this to work out but we'll see.

Image descriptions:

Front cover of “Before I Die” journal. In the middle in black font are the words “Before I die I want to” and in pink marker I wrote “become a prolific, engaged & brave writer”.

At the top is a black and white sticker that looks like an old, pixelated computer program window. The mouse hand is pointing at “print” and there’s icons for portrait, final, editorial, and sketch. There’s a cascading, overflowing paper reel coming from the program with the word “print” over and over.

The top right of the book is a sticker of the full moon lighting the sea and the blue words beneath it says “The moonlight on the sea”.

There’s a sticker of a red wax seal with a “Z”.

A sticker of the words “lost in another world” on brown.

A red daruma ink stamp with a silver eye.

A sticker on its side that looks paper clipped and is a blank brown paper oval on top of a white rectangle paper

A silver ink stamp dandelion you make wishes on purple to red ombré paper.

A small sticker of a brown paper pad and a purple pen inking a purple splotch.

A black and white was hit tape of a hot air balloon above mountains and among the stars.

A puzzle piece sticker of a street lamp and buildings in the back beneath a blue sky.

Black ink stamp of a mountainous island and a message in a bottle floating in the ocean. Beneath is a washi tape of purple concentric half circles that look like waves.

White cotton lace.

A slim rectangle in gray that says “gray areas and expectations”.

A cancelled postage of a pink cherry blossom branch on teal background with gold edges. Sittin on the stamp’s upper right corner is a green ink bespectacled boy in stripes reading a book on a wooden floor paper.

A black ink stamp of a steering wheel and the words “move me” on blue, pink, and orange paper.

A yellow washi tape of words that look vintage.

A washi tape that features a map, passport stamp, train, ticket, and a boat & island on waves.

Washi tape of black and white doodles of a hill with trees, mountains and stars, rowing boat, and a house on a hill.

A sticker puzzle piece of some people on white stamps seen from the distance.

A soft texture cork washi tape that shows golden outlined sedimentary rocks.

A sticker of a drawing of a bottle with a cork that contains a floating yellow hot air balloon among clouds and blue land.

And a 3D sticker that looks somewhat like a quirky rolling pin that says “Trust yourself”

An autograph in pink by Candy Chang that reads:

“For Eileen

Remember what matters to you

*Sparkling star*

Candy Chang”

The “One hundred sessions” page where you “Track your plans and progress” I wrote in different ink colors:

“01 Figure out @ least 5 places for “Slow Dance Desire”

02 Apply for A Public Space Editorial Fellowship.

03 Work on sketchbook Project(s)

04 Blog & plan out next three”

Black and white photo of a “before I die” chalkboard wall which has the repeating prompt “Before I die I want to _______________”

Some answers written in chalk: have a a family of my own, be a friend and take nothing back, I want to drink from the Stanley Cup, $Live without money, hug my boyfriend ❤, make a change through my artwork, fall in love, love myself, learn everything & be free, become a millionaire, find my mom

Closeups of my front cover.

And then finally, the back cover which has a sticker of two brown circles and a brown thread intertwining and wrapped around them which you’d find on a back of a large envelope.

There’s a quote beneath that says:

“There is no more miserable

human being than one in whom

nothing is habitual but indecision.

William James”

Then you see the barcode in the bottom right corner.

[heartcravings]

50 Questions Tag!

@jongin-be-my-jagi​ tagged me for this a while ago, but I took my sweet time to answer. Here is my secret intel if you want to know me a little bit more!! Check hers as well, she’s an amazing writer and friend. 1. What takes up too much of your time? Tumblr, my stupid procrastination prone brain and my thesis. 

2. What makes your day better? Friends and loved ones, music and these absolute dorks (Channie especially) 

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? I hopped on the mat today in the early hours of the morning, rain on my window and the neighbours cat peeking at me from his window across the street.

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? Wonderland, bacause it’s “curiouser and curiouser!”

'Who are you?' said the Caterpillar.  Alice replied, rather shyly, 'I — I hardly know, sir, just at present — at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'

5. Are you good at giving advice? I think so. Not so good at following my own advice though.  I do always consider where the other is standing and if I don’t know how to proceed then I’ll just be honest and say I can’t help. But i’ll always listen with my heart. 

 6. Do you have any mental illnesses? Not diagnosed. I do think i might be going through something now. 

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No, but i have a recurring nightmare: the world is made of black and white paper thin layers. I am a paper thin person walking along a street surrounded by paper thin buildings. I walk for a long time, looking up at the white sky. Until the street ends, there is no more building and i fall into the abyss of a blank page.  I have had this dream since the age of 8 or 9 years old. Fear of not being good enough, you say?! Ding, ding, ding!! We got a winner in the back!  8. What musician inspired you the most? I get inspired by music all the time!! One of my all time favourite songs is Spanish Sahara by Foals. Its sublime!

So I’d say I’m mainly inspired by these artists: Queen, Arctic Monkeys, Foals, Radiohead, Bowie, Daughter, Bob Dylan, Beirut, Yeah yeah yeahs, Arcade Fire, The National, Joy Division, Blur, Warpaint, Gorillaz, Sufjan Stevens, Bon Iver, Chet Baker, The Cure, Courtney Barnett, The Maccabees, Car Seat Headrest, Florence + The Machine, Editors, Kasabian, Crystal Fighters, Death Cab for a cutie, The Doors, Efterklang, Explosions in the Sky, Franz Ferdinand, The Horrors, James Blake, José Gonzalez, Los Campesinos!,  Metronomy, Nick Cave, Nina Simone, Patrick Watson,  Phoenix, Sharon Van Etten, The Shins, Simon & Garfunkel, The Smiths, St.Vincent, The Strokes, Toro y Moi, tricot, Tune-Yards, TV on the radio, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, The Vaccines, Vampire Weekend, The Velvet Underground, The War on Drugs, Wild Beasts and Yo La Tengo.

And the electro, pop and hip-hop groves of my heart: EXO, 2NE1, Janelle Monáe, Big Bang, Kris Wu,LCD soundsystem, SBTRKT, Childish Gambino, Frank Ocean, Kendrick Lamar and Daft Punk. 

And special mentions to the portuguese ones (learning from yixing and promoting when i can :P): Capicua, Joana Espadinha, The Legendary Tigerman, Linda Martini, Mayra Andrade, Noiserv, Ornatos Violeta, Paus, Samuel Uria, You Can’t Win Charlie Brown and The Silence 4. I know, tldr right? Sorry folks! 9. Have you ever fallen in love? Yes I have. I have mistaken a crush for love too. But i have definitely been very deeply in love. A wrecked kintsugi heart over here people! 10. What’s your dream date? I don’t think I have one. I’d love to do something unique with that someone special, something special for the two of us. It could be as simple as riding the subway while sharing earphones & listening to our playlist or walking the dogs out! Idk, I’m easy to please. But right now it would have to be with this handsome man :D pretty please?!

11. What do others notice about you? I am very kind and warm hearted, so I think that’s what people first notice when meeting me. Although I maintain good eye contact, I am also timid and will be quieter if there are very energetic people in the group. When alone, I usually take the first step and try to meet people, but only if i really must.  12. What’s an annoying habit you have? It’s really hard for me to ask for help. I also like to tell detailed descriptions of everything... Couldn’t you tell? 13. Do you still talk to your first love? I’ll text him on his birthday and he does the same to me. We met when we were 10 years old and that childhood friendship remains. But regarding my one and truly deep relationship, no we do not talk, unless we randomly meet.

14. How many exes do you have? I have three exes. The first love who was just an idealized crush on my childhood friend: we dated for 2 weeks during summer break xD Then my first real boyfriend, we met in my first year at university, dated for quite some time, he really loved me and made me love myself a little more. Finally the one i loved too much. I mended his wounds and made him love himself as much as I did. I always say all the love we feel makes our hearts grow bigger. I do not regret loving any of them, I am me now due to them and I would not change it if I could. 15. How many songs are in your playlist? I have way too many playlists for each and every mood... But my favourite songs list on spotify has about 1500 songs! uwu!  16. What instruments can you play? Triangles and flute?! I had mandatory music classes in school... so in reality I can’t really play a instrument...

17. Who do you have the most pictures of? Probably my cat, Sushi. With a second close of my doodles and sketches. 

18. Where would you like to go before you die? EVERY WHERE!!! But I really want to go to Japan and Scotland and Iceland and South Korea and New Zealand and i’ll shut up. 19. What’s your zodiac? Capricorn. 20. Do you relate to it? Sort of.

21. What is happiness to you? You know when it’s really cold outside in the winter and you manage to find a sheltered place where no wind can hit you and you still get to feel the warm rays of the winter suns on your skin? You hear the birds outside and you are contempt in that moment, at peace. That is happiness to me.   22. Are you going through anything right now? Yes, I am a bit lost. Trying to finish my thesis and trying to find what I want to do after. It’s liberating but also pretty scary. 23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? It’s a series of small decisions really. It started with going for a phd with the same people i worked in my msc. Should have gone to a different place. Then deciding to come home after a traumatic loss in the family. Should have kept my life going but I stalled it then. (I don’t regret helping my loved ones though).

24. What’s your favourite store? Probably Wishtrend for beauty stuff. Other than that I don’t have any favourite brands/stores. 25. (HALFWAY!) What’s your opinion on abortion? I think everyone is free to decide what they want or need to do. I couldn’t possible judge. If I would it? Probably not.

27. Do you have a favourite album? I don’t think so, I have favourite tunes for different moods and moments in my life. But if threatened with my life, I’d maybe say Total Life Forever from Foals.

28. What do you want for your birthday? It’s such a long time until my birthday comes! But maybe a real EXO ot9 reunion as a goodbye to Minseok?

29. What is most people’s first impression of you? Friendly and easy to open up to, i think.

30. What age do you seem according to most people? In real life, people usually think I am way younger than I am.  31. Where do you keep your phone when you’re sleeping? In the crook of my bed, between the mattress and the bed frame.

32. What word do you say the most? No idea really! 33. What’s the oldest age you’d date? 40s? I don’t think too much about age actually. 

34. What’s the youngest age you’d date? 20s? Again not very important to me. Love is love, whomever, whenever and wherever <3

35. What job / career do most people say would suit you? I don’t know! People always say i don’t totally fit in anything... so there’s that. If you have an idea please let me know! 36. What’s your favourite music genre? Go back to question 8. I listen to everything! :D 37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be? I’d like to live around the world, every few months a different place and get to know different cultures.

38. What is your current favourite song? I’ve been obsessed with RM’s intro/teaser song, Map of the Soul: Persona. (I’m not even a bts fan, but this music and lyrics just touched me a lot.)

39. How long have you had this blog for? I think for about 6 years? It’s my personal space, where I dump all my obsessions.  

40. What are you excited for? I’m visiting some friends in Granada in a couple of weeks. Yay, tapas!

41. Are you a better talker or listener? Normally I am a better listener. But there are a few people to whom i open like a book. Either words flow right out of me without even thinking or they see throw me. Those truly are my people.

42. What is the last productive thing you did? Prepped meals and cleaned the kitchen. Open the folder and file of my thesis. Read the latest chapter I wrote.  43. What do you want for Christmas? Well, just like for my birthday, there is still such a long time to it! But let’s say i want to have already finish this part of my life and want to find my next adventure.

44. What class do you get the best grades in? No more exams! Ehehe! But I used to have good grades at everything. Physical Education was my lowest mark i think.

45. On a scale of 1-10 how do you feel right now? Right now, a 4? I have a headache.

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? Smiling? :D I want to be happy in my own skin. To feel contempt in my life, doing something that gives me a sense of purpose and having time to share and enjoy with my friends and family. 47. When did you get your first heartbreak? Oh my kintsugi heart has been broken quiet a lot. By friends and lovers and even by myself. I keep patching it up with gold dreams though.  48. At what age do you wanna be married? I will only want to be married if i find the one. So until then I guess. 

49. What career did you want to have as a child? I wanted to be an astronaut and a ballerina. Preferably both!

50. What do you crave right now? Just sitting somewhere and listening to Yeol play the guitar.

Well i finished it! :D I’ll tag @thedeviousdo @ohsenhun @hongseok and @paepsi. I’d love to read yours! Feel free to dismiss it though, it is quite a lot.  Lots of love everyone!! <3 <3 <3

[vinku-iikku]

Yay I finally finished 2018 inktober! If you want to just scroll through them all please go here, and if you want to see some comments on each please look under the cut.

Day 01 Flowey and Overgrown Ruins This prompt I picked as is because as far as I remember Flowey stayed behind when the monsters left. If you can’t find him, he’s near the big root on the left. All other days the second prompt got randomised by a die (except when I reached the last two).

Day 02 Grillby and Exotic Flora Grillby’s on a journey to look at all the flowers that aren’t living in a wet environment. Maybe he’ll make some wine from the non-poisonous ones.

Day 03 Chara and Cave Entrance They are still curious about morbid things and places that could be portentially dangerous, practically running at danger.

Day 04 Undyne and Astral Plains/Dreamland Welp I’d rather have had her with some other prompt, but now she has an anime showdown/faceoff with a mean monster that harasses a moldsmal.

Day 05 Asgore and Rocky Ruins Asgore had a trip down memory lane and visited the place where their castle used to be, before the war. Not much is left any more.

Day 06 Frisk and Ancient Tree They are still precariously looking for adventure. I saw this article about a 800 year-old Finnish tree, as soon as I saw that top I wanted to climb that, looks like a perfect spot to see everything around you and chill for a bit.

Day 07 Temmie and Nature Untouched I did some research in a nearby forest for this one, the sales-Temmie has made a nest in a tree that has fallen down in a storm. The soil is shallow before solid rock so trees have their roots mostly close to the surface, when they fall the roots go up as well. Temmie on the left is sitting on an ant nest lol. There are seven Temmies in total.

Day 08 Muffet and Crystal Coves Crystal Coves is either a place where crystal business is the main employer, a cove that has crystals, or a cove with crystal clear water, I think. I tried to implement them all just to make sure. Muffet has now made a business in making spider-products with glass expertise.

Day 09 Fuku Fire and Freezing Fjord Finally back to the ‘monsters travelling’ theme, Fuku is taking a longer trip and is currently on a boat by Norway.

Day 10 Gaster Blasters and Townsquare The blasters are on their own for whatever convenient reason, Pap’s one is figuring how things work by destroying them, Sans’ is... playing with local children. :D The fountain is loosely based on Havis Amanda.

Day 11 Nice Cream Guy & Shanty Town He’s travelling the world and selling nice cream! Definitely inspired by Beadle in BotW.

Day 12 Mettaton EX & Cemetery This combination took me a moment, Mettaton is a bit loud and showy for a cemetery. Then I remembered that Napstablook said they’re already dead when you try to kill them, so here Mettaton’s visiting haunted places and telling everyone about this wonderful body he got and where to get one if you’re interested in becoming physical again. I worked in a cemetery for one summer years ago, felt weird pulling those visual memories to this...

Day 13 Toriel & Hall of Deities In order to become a teacher I’d imagine she’d have to brush up her knowledge on lots of things that’ve happened on the surface, and here she’s in a secret underground place with some sacred scriptures or something, she reads them and writes down notes and then returns the scrolls.

Day 14 Annoying Dog & Volcanic Terrain Another weird combination, but eh, it’s the dog. It’s feeding bones to the vulkins and admiring danger up close.

Day 15 Monster Kid & Path Along the Water I made a huge area with different textures so I could try learn something new by scribbling around, and I’m really happy how the boulders on top of the waterfall and the water itself look like.

Day 16 Doggo & Ancient Altar Room Took a moment to come up with an idea, then I read Doggo likes squirrels. So now he’s travelling the world too, and he always has time and seeds for any squirrel population he discovers.

Day 17 Alphys & Summoning Altar I thought I’d not be drawing Mew Mew, but here was a perfect opportunity for that! Alphys isn’t travelling, but discovering new things in her home, humans have such interesting books! All of the Japanese text mean something; the bowl has the kanji for ’love’, books under it are Mew Mew manga, there’s two yury books, a reference to Free!, Digimon, Pokémon, Rose of Versailles, Natsume Book of Friends... and it’s fine if you don’t get the one that says ‘corn’.

Day 18 Photoshop Flowey & Windmills and Grasslands I think the modern wind generators look super cool. I tried to make Flowey as cute as possible so he’d be more fun to draw there, this is some dream stuff or alternate universe since Flowey did stay behind.

Day 19 Papyrus & Desserted Drylands I’m pretty sure that’s an accidental typo, but since it was Papyrus I wanted to roll with the new pun meaning. First thought was Papyrus somehow being in the drylands and dropping a huge cake, thus ’desserting’ it, but that would’ve been a bit mean. This cake is made with 100% organic sand (some of which he ground himself when grooming Rocky), the tiny cow ornaments are modified mouse skeletons. :) The chef hat would be straight but there wasn’t enough room on the page of the notebook I draw these on... I remembered he had a triangle on the battle armor, but didn’t remember what way it points so avoided it by replacing it with a heart. :D

Day 20 Sans & By the Beach Sans is getting some more sand for Papyrus with his shortcut, then he took a nap unfortunately close to the tide..? The shore felt a bit bare so I added some animals to keep him company. I h/c that animals don’t mind having monsters around unlike how they usually try to run away when a human is near.

Day 21 Shyren & Buried Statue(s) She’s doing that Disney princess thing where you sit down and start singing and all small animals within hearing range come to listen.

Day 22 Asriel & Underwater Temple Another dream thing since Flowey stayed behind, this is how he imagines the oceans look like outside.

Day 23 Lesser Dog & Market Place Some people have to learn the hard way to not trust a dog that has opposable thumbs.

Day 24 Box Mettaton & Merchant’s Store Any website run by a popular monster must get an insane amount of curious folk, which leads to ad revenue being a good way to fund the next tour. There’s some.. insider jokes there if you’re in any kind of website business.

Day 25 Rocky the pet rock & Eldritch Forest I don’t actually know what the latter means, looking at Google images it’s probably just a forest that’s very dark or something. Wanted to try a different perspective for a change. Rocky has a bowl of food there but I can’t really think of any non-sad reason for why it’s in this forest.

Day 26 Froggit & Inn in th Middle of Nowhere Had to take a break for one day, regardless I’m proud of myself on being consistent this far despite everything going on. I first only had the top Froggit and the bg in the sketch, and didn’t like how it looked. Somehow adding more Froggits made it look a lot better to me...

Day 27 Burgerpants & By the Docs Birsd with human arms and birds sitting like humans will never not be hilarious to me.

Day 28 Bratty and Catty & Deep in the Woods Tried to play with perspective with this one, it’s kind of the opposite of the Rocky drawing.

Day 29 God of Hyperdeath & Idle Portal I had a hard time coming up with anything for this, so now poor goat is somewhere in a completely white dimention and the only way out is not active, though he’s quite chill about it.

Day 30 Amalgamate & Abnormal Formations This and last one’s world I didn’t leave for the die to decide, I really wanted to do Tetris with Napstablook and out of the two still left this prompt suits Endogeny more anyway. There’s a forest in Poland where several of the trees bend to north like this.

Day 31 Napstablook & Puzzling Platforms Only one I did during morning, my hands shake more then so all the lines are more or less wobbly. Every Tetris piece has it’s own signature design except the L-shape which is just blank to keep it interesting. Napstablook is enjoying game music while inside the game, maybe ghosts can possess videogames..? This also shows the notebook I drew all of these in and the tools I used most of the time.

It’s hard to tell if I’ve improved at all when comparing these to 2017 inktober, I haven’t draw regularly through the year and the main focus point this time was on backgrounds and not so much on lines and characters. I did learn new things and that’s always exiting, I think my trees, glass and rocks look way better than before I started, and I did some progress in shading metal too. All of these took 3 hours or less to finish, some only took an hour. I didn’t need to erase pencils like last year because I used a trick where I placed the sketch under the notebook page and my tablet with 100% brightness and a white bg under them, and traced that with ink. The notebook paper is pretty thin, you can see the Amalgamate drawing’s clouds showing through in the Napstablook photo. Anyway, this was fun, and I think I’ll try do it next year too!

[stephdrawsjohnlock]

Hi:) I’m new to digital art, and I just purchased a Wacom tablet (the intuous draw because I’m just a beginner!) and I’m kind of hesitant. What if I completely suck at this?? What if this is going to end up being 10X worse than what I imagined it being?😓 I’m a traditional artist, and I’ve never been so good w tech, but everyone in my family has been telling me to try digital art out, and honestly... I’m really nervous:/ I’m scared my tablet will end up being a waste of money bc of my skills🙃

Hi Nonny! *hugs*

Firstly, CONGRATS! Getting a new toy is so much fun, especially when we are venturing on something new!

Secondly, Hi hello, traditional artist here!!

And therein lied my big problem: Digital is a COMPLETELY different medium with its own rules and the only limit is your imagination. Once I clued into this, It became a bit easier, but I still struggle with settling on a style I like, because it’s just like learning how to draw all over again.

How did you become good at traditional art, at being able to pump out art without thinking? PRACTICE. And this sounds counter-productive, but hear me out: STOP THINKING TOO HARD. This is my biggest problem, because I find I’m frustrated because I’m NOT good right away, that stuff isn’t going to turn out on the first, second, or one hundredth try. It’s going to take time, and THAT’S OKAY. You’re allowed to experiment and play with your tablet. I’ve actually learned, once I have finally just allowed myself to enjoy my art regardless of how shitty it looks, that I always want to keep practicing and trying out a new pic! I’m not fast and constant envy people who can get stuff done quickly and make it look amazing, but I also need to realise that I’m starting new, and that once I become comfortable with the tools, only THEN can I finally develop a style.

I’ve been trying digital work for 2 years. I’ve only recently finally found the will to “let go” and just “ink” my art and stop trying to make it look like my traditional stuff. It’s not going to look like it. But I’m experimenting every time I draw with new brushes and styles and pen pressures, and somehow I come up with something I’m satisfied with. And it keeps my art fresh and new; I’ve had a few people come to me privately and tell me that they love watching my art grow and change as I learn how to do digital work, and it means SO MUCH to me. Encouragement goes a long way into helping us grow. 

So Nonny, DON’T think you wasted your money. PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE! You didn’t become a traditional artist in one day, just as you won’t become a digital one. I KNOW it’s frustrating, I feel you, but it will click and you will find something you like. Try experimenting with brushes and pen pressures (there are LOADS of free brushes online), and you will soon find The Set that works for you! Watch tutorials on how to use the features of your program, and read how other artists do their work. It’s immensely helpful, and you learn things about the programs you didn’t know about. 

Wacom also has an app that comes with it when you install the drivers that allow you to change the mapping, pen pressures, handedness, touch capabilities, and all the shortcut keys on it, so make sure you familiarize yourself with your tablet. It is going to be your best friend in your digital art toolbox, and you should learn how it reacts to how you draw. ALSO, a tablet is NOT a piece of paper; be GENTLE with it. This was another thing that I had to learn, because I was wearing out my nibs monthly. Experiment with the nibs on your pen, and DON’T push hard or you will cause damage to the both the tablet and nib. AND nibs DO need to be changed, just if you’re going through them monthly, you’re pushing too hard. These are my favourite nibs, and think they work the best AND I like the rubber tips on them. The spring in them helped me with my pressure issue and helped me learn to be gentler with the pen, and now I don’t push so hard and scratch the shit out of my tablet. These ones are my next favourite. I love the rubber tips on them. Just make sure when you purchase nibs they are FOR YOUR TABLET. As far as I know, all Wacoms come with extra nibs, you just have to find out where they are. Mine’s a Intuos Pro, and they’re in the base of the pen stand. The tablet I have at work is just a standard small Intuos, and I found the nibs hidden in a compartment on the back of the tablet (right at the top, there’s a cover you can pull off, they’re in there). ANYWAY, try out different nibs and you will find one you like too! The felt ones were great too!

Also learn the basics of the programs you are using: LAYERS ARE YOUR FRIENDS. What I love about digital art is that I can forever try out different “blueline” layers and keep them all to maybe refine later or just delete it! Layer Groups are the BEST thing ever, and learn to use them. I always have my layers grouped into “bluelines”, “sketch”, “lineart” and “colours”, all with groups under those (I should seriously show you guys one of my pieces’ layers palette) and sorted and named so that I can find what I need. Learn about Layer Masks; they’re EXTREMELY helpful in colouring. And play with the brush stroke features. It’s so daunting when you first start, but you’ll figure it out!!

I BELIEVE IN YOU NONNY! You and I can learn together, and watch our art change and develop into something beautiful. And yeah, it would be nice if it were sooner than later, but we can’t win them all!! Practice every day so you can get used to the paper-to-screen aspect of it (it weirded me out for awhile) and so you can get used to judging distances and how your pen reacts to your touches. STOP THINKING, and just do it, Lovely!!

Good luck, Nonny!!

[kimberleybishop]

Brief 1: D&AD Final Submission Presentation 

With my D&AD John Lewis outcomes fully produced, i’ve started to create the presentation slides of my submission. With time constraints, I have opted to submit a static visual presentation of my idea rather than a video piece/sting. I feel this method will allow me to explain my concept in greater detail - I also much prefer designing presentations/layouts of my thought process. 

One of the downsides of the presentation format is that D&AD only allows you to submit a max of 8 JPEG slides. This has meant I have had to be very select on the visuals included and condense all of my writing into short detailed paragraphs/sections. 

For each slide I have decided to include/explain the following: 

Slide 1 is an introductory slide that introduces the brand concept and sets the look/visual appearance of the Trend Spotter branded app. 

‘A digital app experience that keeps the customer at the centre of fashion trends while located firmly within the store’. 

Slide 2 works to discuss the findings from my research and how I arrived at my design concept. Using exact statistics I was able to show how my idea would work as a real life experience and also how it would appeal to a defined target audience (Generation Z). 

‘In this current digital age, shoppers are now searching for ways to connect to a physical experience that can engage and excite them from the long-dated traditions of a retail store.

Access to technology has never been more simpler. It is thought that by next year alone there will be 2.5 billion (just over 36 percent of the world’s population) using a smart phone. We spend countless hours browsing through the internet and checking for updates on our social media accounts. 

This has become the norm for John Lewis’s next generation of shoppers (Generation Z) - as it is something they have always known and have been born into. 

As everything now evolves around the screen they have gotten used to the “instant life”. Busy and constantly on the move they enjoy the pleasures of self gratification. They know what they want and are tomorrow’s trendsetters. 

Social Media has given them a platform to be fashion conscious. They want the latest and best products they can get there hands on, to flaunt to their friends. 

When asked only half of Generation Z have ever visited a John Lewis store, stating that they associate it with “older audiences” and that they don’t see it as a store they would go to for the latest fashion trends’. 

Slide 3 breaks down the actual concept idea. 

‘Trend Spotter is an new and fresh interactive app experience that will enable customers (both existing and new) to keep up to date with current trends (daily and seasonal), at the touch of a button across the store everyday of the week. 

Connected directly with the Social Media platform of Instagram, Trend Spotter is a super easy to sign into and intended for those on the go! (carefree and spirited shoppers who don’t have the time for making accounts and setting up lengthy passwords).

Once signed in using their existing account, the app would then be able to determine from analysing their most recent likes which items would most appeal to them in store - therefore suggesting brands, categories and even possible #OOTD (outfits of the day) that would be most suited to their daily appreciations. 

Analysing the data throughout the day, Trend Spotter is able to tell you precisely which items are popular/reaching the highest number of sales at any given time. 

Exclusive to shopping in-store only, the app allows you to search for specific products easily using your smartphone. With each product individually tagged with a “Trend Spotter Tag” the app can point you in the exact direction of your chosen product using the built in virtual map. 

With just the scan of the tag and click of a button, you can pay for your product instantly (using your in-payment settings) - therefore saving essential time and beating those long queues’. 

Slide 4 presented a selection of my initial sketches and app wireframes, including mind-maps and idea thoughts. As this was one of the first stages of my development I thought this should be placed near the start of the presentation along with the main research slides. 

Slide 5, Slide 6 and Slide 7 moves onto the actual development/final visual outcomes of my interactive Trend Spotter app. Within iPhone mockups I placed each individual app screen to show how they would appear for the user on their phones (and make them more realistic in appearance). For each screen, underneath I discussed the users journey and what they would be able to interact with at each page of the app. In a User Flow/Flowchart format I worked to show how the user would go from initially downloading the app to searching and finally locating a product in-store for instant purchase.

Slide 8 finally demonstrates the Advertising and Digital Screen outcomes/outputs of my interactive app. Through actual in-store mockups I depicted how both printed and digital advertising and screens could be positioned on the shop floors to engage their target audience. 

‘Working alongside the Trend Spotter app there will be range of digital screens located in-store. On each floor level there would be a different screen positioned within easy access of the customer. 

Linked to the app itself, the screens would work to show collectively the trending items/most bought items of users throughout the day in addition to product videos/teaser trailers. 

Updated every few hours the on-screen imagery would change to depict the most current purchases made by John Lewis shoppers. 

This is something that would allow John Lewis to be adaptable and keep their stores up to date on a daily basis. It would enable both their new market of young and existing customers to see whats trending straight away, as soon as they walk into the store. 

Advertisements would further be placed around the store till points and in areas where customers would pass through (such as at the tops of escalators and entrances). These would encourage new customers to download and start using the app’. 

Now all that’s left to do, is submit to the D&AD New Blood website. Yay, finally! Overall i’m really pleased with the work I have produced for this project. Alongside focusing on creating design work for other projects it was quite a surprise how quickly the deadline came around. 

[ministryofgamers]

The FIX - Bren

I’ve been doing YouTube for a LONG time now, well 8 years certainly sounds like a long time to me.. but eerily doesn’t feel like a long time. We’ve been through so many changes and trails, trying different things, making movies, TV shows, Interviews, Press events... you name it, as a content creator for the video game community I’ve made it. I’ve always wanted to be a successful youtuber when it came to video-games, these days that usually means you have to figure out a silly name and play lots of games and make a fool of yourself (and yeah i’ve done that too). A youtube star is someone that has millions of followers, uploads daily, sometimes twice daily, but I have none of those things... does that mean i’m not successful? I dont’ think so. I’ve conducted interviews with lead game designers, been to top tier invite only press functions, had 2 shows on UK TV for video games, a movie, and run an active community driven youtube channel that has a great gathering of awesome people. So why is it that I feel like I’ve failed somehow? is it because I didn’t find the right audience? is it because I didn’t get launched to super stardom for my time as a games journalist... would I even want that if it came knocking... i’m not even sure I would like it to be honest. It's strange, I've always felt like I’ve wanted to be successful in making video content, films, art, always wanted to entertain and make something that would make someone say “wow” and I have done that, but on a small scale.

Now on Youtube I see things are very different, attention spans are miniscule, kids are starting channels left right and centre, no knowledge of how to frame a good shot, how to use a decent microphone, no knowledge on how to make a proper video... vertical videos of cats being dicks, fail videos, pranks, challenges, all of that stuff to me is benine crap,  redundant. I feel the same about reality TV and how most formats prey on schadenfreude( german phrase meaning "to take pleasure in anothers missfortune") I find it nausiating that television, for the most part, has become so mundane, fuelled by adverts and les than average production values. I recently watched a shocking piece of output form the BBC where they seem to have forgotten that sound levels are important... as well as whitebalance and did the OP forget his tripod? Hand held is ok, but this chap looked like he'd had a bit too much rum in his coffee that morning.  

Anyway, back to Youtube. I'm a part of a few "small youtuber" groups on facebook, basically if you don't have 500,000 subs these days you are considered to be pretty small time. And in these groups I see thousands of the same posts everyday "yay i got 20 subs" or "how many views do i need before i can monetize." and the best one "sub for sub anyone?" honestly pretty much everyone on those groups that i've looked at (except one or two) literally have no fucking idea what they are doing and couldn't make a video if it meant saving their own life. Time and time again I see the same shit, constantly. It honestly makes me Wince at the thought that these kids are about to embark on the most dissapointing crusade of thier lives.  I started youtube in 2009 and it was a bloody good time to do so as there were pretty much no such thing as lets plays or video game shows etc... we had an amazing show, 4 presenters, heavily edited reviews, sketches, comedy! And best of all we were in with the big boys, interviewing people I never thought i'd ever get to meet!  "But Bren, why didn't you just keep going with that?" Well, thats a whole different story and i'll just sum it up by saying there were differences of opinion and it fell apart.

Starting GameGazmTV was very freeing... I had decided that I needed a platform where I didn't care too much about what content I put on it... I had boxed up my camera equipment and used a phone to film most of the stuff for it... we slapped half naked manga girls all over it with flames and rock music in the hope that we would offend someone enough to just come and look at the channel... even the name "GameGazm" was fucking ridiculous. It wasn't long before we started to slowly change everything. Removing the semi naked girls, and some "dead weight" and started to clean up the brand... but it didn't do anything really.. I started to slip back into the "everything must be good" routine, so started heavily editing videos again, making bigger productions, adding more visual effects to everything... graphical updates, weekly updates, started doing let's plays for more content, live streams... then by year 4 we changed the name fully to Ministry of Gamers in the hope of finally shedding the GameGazm crappy beginnings. And now I've suddenly realised... that I hate most of it... I look back at a lot of our content and pretty much 90% of it I could throw in the bin and no one would bat an eyelid. The content I love the most on our channel is 2 videos... Solstice and Top Gun. 2 videos that I think are actually really worth watching... the rest of them i'm not that bothered about... but solstice and top gun both took 6 weeks each to make... thats a lot of time... and then the most successful video on our channel is a video about a fucking controller that we shot in an hour because we thought "why not" I couldn't give a crap about that controller... but its the only video that i've spent the least amount of time on and its the most successfull thing ive ever made.... talk about a kick in the teeth... thats some way to really get yourself down.

Up until this point if you asked me is YouTube worth doing, should I start a channel? I would have said " yeah its really fun to do, and totally worth it." but ask me right now? i'd say "no... don't do it.. its really not worth the stress you'll put yourself through, its not worth seeing comments like "shut up and stop reviewing games you fat cunt." on a video that you spent DAYS writing, recording, editing.  Its not worth making any video that takes you longer than an hour to do, because honestly... your effort is the last thing youtube gives a crap about." Youtube does not care if you stayed up for a week straight slaving over an edit, making sure your colours are good, sound is balanced, Youtube doesn't care if you spent days crafting a CGI intro for your channel, making custom graphics, building a brand! It DOESN'T CARE... but make a controller video, slap it up, and youtube will give you £300 and a pat on the head..... great... just film your cat doing something retarded and you'll be a millionaire in no time. don't worry about talent... its not required here.

Basically youtube isn't the kind of platform I would like to be on. But not being on Youtube is like saying "I don't want to be on the biggest viewing platform available." throughout my video carrer I've only ever really been interested in making content about videogames. It's my passion so what else would I do? I have a couple of thoughts about other avenues I could explore. But if I really cared about them then I would have been doing it already. No I still care about making content for videogames but now its time to change the focus... change the direction because something has to change... i'm no longer going to use youtube as a platform to give content thats about something else.. i'm going to make it about ME and my team as people, its not a show anymore. I want it to document OUR struggle, OUR journey through a project, how we as people are focused on making entertainment. Youtube doesn't need another gaming channel, it needs to hear about how crushingly difficult it is to get anywhere with content creation, and thats where I want to be now. I'll be working on something I really care about, and i'll provide updates to that on youtube.

I can't keep going the way I have been, a constant viscious circle of dissapointment and failiure, over and over. I'm done trying to fill a gap that just doesn't need to be filled. There are other ways I can use my time and thats the most precious thing to all of us.. becasue there really isnt' that much of it.

Why have I written this? I guess to just put it all down somehwere other than my head.. the more I write at the moment the more I feel it leaving me.. literally like ive turned a tap on and the water was filthy and its slowly starting to clear up. My main point to all of this though was to fully understand why i'm so successful at failing, I make incredible work that never gets anywhere and no one really cares that much about, but its still MY work, and even if only one person sees it and is entertained by it, then to me, i've won. So in closing, I am a youtuber, and a fucking successful one.  And no one really knows it...... yet, and of course i'll never give up, I firmly believe I have something to offer a wide audience, i'm not quite sure what that is yet, but I feel like its my mission to figure it out, I owe it to myself to keep trying! and always give my best. Take pride in what you do, and if you believe in something enough, you will get it... after a long bitter road of absolute mental turmoil.... you'll get it.

Bren.

[xxlovesuicide61xx]

Absolute Agony- Ch. 3

Short, but I figured better than nothing. Special thank you to RhodaBush over on FFN for pushing me into this direction. I think you'll all enjoy the final product. Most of this chapter was written while I was at the beach, so also a special thank you to the random girl in a black bikini who gave me the idea for the ending of the story. Two chapters left. Please enjoy! :D

SSHGSSHG

Severus sat at his window, again staring down at her, this time trying to do something less creepy. Well… slightly. He was enacting one of his few non-magical hobbies in an attempt to do something productive. He had transfigured a small table near his chair beneath the window and brought out his sketch book. Today, he was drawing her.

He knew that if they were found that he risked some serious backlash; after all, drawing someone in a bathing suit was almost just as creepy as staring at someone in a bathing suit, and by staring he meant masturbating. He had drawn her a few times before, but this was the first time he had endeavored to draw her entire body, as well as having her as a moving subject. He usually went back through his pensive and took a magical version of a muggle photograph so he had a reference point to draw from. Some might find the magic it took a waste of time and energy, but it was to draw her, which was a crime of passion in itself. Not to mention that despite what most people thought, he really was rather passionate about his artwork.

So. He sat on his chair by the desk, pencil in one hand and cock in the other. He was still watching her prance around half naked, he couldn’t be expected to endure the pain of his cock trapped in his pants, even if he was trying to be a bit less perverted.

She was lying back on a raft, the sun reflecting from the water onto her skin in a cool, blended geometric pattern. He had been trying to get the angle of her left hip just right, but couldn’t quite seem to manage it. He kept getting distracted by the small tattoo placed directly above her hipbone, a small music note, lying just above the tie on her bikini bottoms. He had no idea what its significance was, but he wanted to find out. Desperately. Preferably up-close and very, very personal.

It was just a rough sketch, but he was determined to get it right. Her beauty deserved his full effort.

He let go of his cock, biting back a sigh of disappointed loss, and pulled himself closer to the sketchbook. He narrowed his focus, pulling in his Death Eater abilities and blocked Hermione from his mind, focusing only on that one specific part of her body.

Within about ten minutes the sketch was drawn to perfection and Severus let his mind relax again. He looked at his work and then down at his muse and then back over at his still hard cock.

Fuck it all. He was going down there.

It was mid-afternoon, which usually meant that some of the adults would retire for awhile, the sun being just a bit too intense, as well as dinner needing to get started. That lowered his audience considerably. However, some of the children tended to get a bit overtly rambunctious this time of day, namely the Weasley twins. Severus knew that they would soon be bored over all of the quiet and relaxing from the adults and start something up that was loud and raucous. Hermione wouldn’t be left floating on that raft for long.

Again, most of the attention wouldn’t be on him. Shouldn’t. He could do this. Couldn’t he?

Severus cursed under his breath and began pacing around his room, still trying to talk himself out of it. The current vote stood at 6 to 1, his mind being the only “nay” vote. His entire body, on the other hand, gave a resounding “YAY” to the question of “Should we go down and get a better look at a soaking wet Miss Granger?”. Each sense, plus his cock, had cheered at the notion. Severus now believed that his body was plotting against him, intending much more interaction with his interest instead of merely getting closer to her.

He stopped at the foot of his bed, hands in his hair, decision made. He was going to go down there, but decided that there was no shame in having to run back up to his room with his tail between his legs if it didn’t go well. He didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of her.

Tucking his still hard cock back into his shorts, he summoned a vial to one hand and his wand to the other. He downed the vial, trying not to think of the hit it was taking to his ego. He was a man that couldn’t even control himself near the woman he cared for and needed an outside source to keep his cock from getting excited. It was a severe blow to his self control.

Severus looked down at his shorts, trying to decide what the appropriate material for a pair of swim trunks would be. He knew what they were supposed to look like, as well as the fact that they had to be waterproof, but beyond that he was lost. He closed his eyes, imagining the other men’s trunks that he had seen, adding in his own touch of decoration and color, and transfigured the best he could.

Looking in the mirror, he was fairly satisfied with the results. Still black, but with a wide white line running down the outer sides of his hips and legs, a second, much smaller green line adding a pop of detail. They were made out of some strange fabric he was unfamiliar with, not exactly scratchy like wool, but still slidey in a weird kind of way. He rubbed his hands over them. The sound was odd, and it felt odd against his skin. They would work. He hoped.

Next, he set about covering up the scars that littered his body, as well as his Dark Mark. He didn’t want the little dunderheads staring at it. The scars were easy enough, he had done it many a time before with a simple glamour charm. It had taken him years to find a way to cover the Mark, however, the Dark Lord insistent upon its constant exposure. It involved an intricate layering of glamour and makeup charms, with a few notice-me-not charms interspersed throughout to be on the safe side. He left his own personal tattoos exposed, hoping that they would distract from his presence down there. Finally, he used a sun protection spell. He absolutely abhorred being sunburnt and tended to avoid going out in the sun when he could— hence the pale skin. Besides, he had a reputation to uphold back at Hogwarts— someone could not possibly be as pale as he was and not be a vampire. He’d like to keep his skin pearly white, thankyouverymuch.

Setting his jaw, Severus headed out the door of his bedroom, determined. He could do this.

SSHGSSHG

By the time that he got down there, he found that his suspicions had indeed been correct. Some of the elder Order members were toweling off and Hermione was no longer on the raft. From what he could gather, George had swum below her and flipped her off of it completely. Severus felt almost sad for her. She had looked so peaceful. George Weasley rose two more spots on his “Don’t piss me off” list.

He quietly stepped down off the last stair, but found that the entire yard had taken notice of him. Damn. So much for a quiet entry.

“Severus, m’boy!” Albus was calling to him from behind the bar. “It’s so wonderful for you to finally join us.” The old man was beaming. “Come. Come get a drink and relax.” Albus started actively beaconing to him and Severus knew he had to play nice if he wanted to stay around Hermione for the remaining afternoon.

His attempt to walk casually over to the other side of the yard did not go particularly well, and he found himself actually wanting whatever strange alcoholic concoction Albus had in a muggle blender. It was bright red, and evolution was telling Severus that it could be poisonous and rather dangerous to consume.

Albus got out a clear plastic cup and filled it with the frozen liquid.

“Here, Severus. Drink up and enjoy.” Tentatively, Severus took a sip from the brightly colored straw and found himself pleasantly surprised. It may not have been a manly looking drink, or even an intimidating one, but damn Merlin if it didn’t taste wonderful.

Noticing his face of shocked surprise, Albus answered the unspoken question. “It’s a new recipe I discovered from the muggles this morning, Severus. It is called a Rum Runner.” He pronounced Rum Runner in the way that old people sometimes do with words their are unfamiliar with, slowly and with each syllable unnecessarily enunciated.

Severus saved himself from laughing at his employer by taking another long sip before answering. “Thank you, Albus, it really is rather good.”

The Headmaster leaned in closer to his employee over the bar, getting close enough to be able to speak at a whisper. “Truly, Severus, thank you. It means a lot to me that you’re making this effort to be social. I know how difficult it is for you.” Severus wasn’t sure what to say, so he said nothing at all. He didn’t want to answer in his usual brute tone, but he also didn’t want to get emotional at Albus’s true concern for his well being. Silence seemed to be the best response. Accepting this, Albus topped of Severus’s cup, clapped him on the shoulder, and told him to enjoy himself.

He would. Merlin, how he hoped he would.

The sun was much brighter than he thought it would be, and Severus was quick to discover the many wonderful uses of sunglass. He transfigured a pair of dark glasses from a leaf by his foot and was pleased by his newfound ability to keep his eyes affixed wheresoever he desired, namely the body of of one Miss Hermione Jean Granger. Additional benefits include no one being able to tell where his eyes were, Albus having a much more difficult time if he wanted to skim the front of Severus’s thoughts, and the rest of the Order being put off at the fact that he could be intimidatingly staring at any one of them.

He found a lounge chair near the bar that was partially shaded by one of Grimmauld’s rare trees, as well as providing a perfect few of the pool. He glanced down toward his crotch, making sure that it would stay in check. He was pleased when he didn’t feel so much as a twitch. He settled back into the chair, sipping his drink, and thinking that perhaps this wasn’t as bad as he had thought it would be.

[emergencycommissions]

Hello ! I'm starting a new job tomorrow (yay!)  However, in the meantime I'm in need of extra money. I'm very suddenly having to move out on my own so I need as much money as possible. I only have one month to get everything I need.

Im offering:

Flat coloured chibi: $10USD

Full shaded chibi: $15USD

Colored sketch: $20USD for bust/half body

$25USD for full body

Lineart+Full shaded half body: $30USD

Additional characters will be $5. 

Excessive detail/design is $10 or I will reject outright if it is too extreme. Ask just to be sure. :-)

I have no restrictions to list. If there is anything "special" you want, run it by me and we can see if it's something I would be comfortable with.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please send me an email at "azaria4@yahoo.com" and we can discuss what you would like and when I have a clear idea, I’ll begin a rough sketch.

I will email said sketch to you so you can either tell me any changes you want done or approve so I can move on to the finished product. If you are satisfied with the sketch, at that time this is when I would like for you to pay me through Paypal***. ***Alternatively(preferably)"Square Cash" is super awesome ! Its 10x faster, sending money instantly instead of in days and also requires alot less personal info fpr you. Takes less than 5 minutes to sign up. Or don't sign up and just use my link ! Enter "cash.me/$Sonyunii" into your browser.

I will send you a final email with the finished product attached and you can do with it whatever you please. So long as you give credit where it is due.

One more thing ! Please, if you know anybody who might like my style or be interested; REBLOG or send them my way ! I would super appreciate that and you'd be ultra cool if you do ! Thanks a bunch for your time ! Have a great day ! <3

[artandantics-blog]

TRANSCRIPT:

Hi everyone, it’s Andi for Art and Antics. Thanks for being interested in listening to this short reflection audio log I recorded. So a few days ago we met Mr. Kevin Limjoco, The Founding Editor of C! Magazine. To all you car guys out there, that name may be familiar since he’s the REAL granddaddy of all car magazines in the Philippines.

So we were talking about the magazine and print media in general. It was really fun, very insightful. Sir Kevin was a great speaker. But then it got me thinking. My business, my pride and glory outside school work, AR Digital i’ll say the name again but slower… AR DIGITAL has been trying its best to veer away from the print and physical media platform for some reason. A reason which I haven't found a clear explanation exactly why. Maybe it's because digital was seen as hip, cool, modern, tech-savvy, millennial. Digital enthusiasts like me, admittedly used to think and would argue that print is a dying medium. As if print is for the old folks reading newspapers sitting on their grandpa couch while having their morning coffee. Print is mundane, easy to forget, bulky, and expensive collecting dust on the coffee table. But now i look back, I realized that I’ve actually been making print stuff as well for as long as i could remember. I’ve done portraits printed and glass framed then hung on walls or given as valentines gifts along with flowers, I’ve made posters hung in office walls and bulletin boards, I’ve done calling cards given away by multiple clients, I’ve made tarps for promotional materials. They’re all physical, all print, all analog. Yeah sure you could argue its still MADE through a digital platform, I mean I don’t paint them by hand with a physical brush and acrylic paint or sketch murals on 100 square meter tarp, but what they end up as a final product makes all the difference if it’s digital or print. And that’s where the realization hit me. Out of all the final products that I’ve made, the ones that last their appeal longest, were the ones that you could hold on to both figuratively and literally. The portraits, the posters, the tarps, the calling cards. All of them. Heck even just one of them would probably had a longer-lasting appeal and a longer lifespan in terms of reach and usability than any of the hundreds more digital content that me and my clients have released purely on a digital platform. You see a nice looking poster when you don’t expect it like when you’re walking to work, you remember it longer than an ad you scrolled past by while scrolling through your news feed. You keep a framed artwork of you in your bedroom that was gifted to you by your boyfriend or girlfriend, the kilig lasts longer and more intimately than sharing a couple photo on Facebook with a cheesy caption “#Happy2ndWeeksary. Even just the prestige you get handing over your very own calling card instead of saying “yeah I’ll text you my email and website later.” See where I’m getting at? Print and physical media will always have a stronger experiential appeal compared to the passive consumption of digital. It’s in the nature of print that digital can never really recreate. Pure and full-sensory experiences that last longer. When it comes to magazines, i remember Sir Kevin giving us latest issues from C! Magazine and we all felt excited. “Yay! We get to come home later with magazines!” But why is that? Again, it’s the prestige of knowing 110% that what you’re holding there is yours. The content will never go away, the photos can never be edited at any time. It’s your property. Digital? Online specifically? You’ll never know if the article you read has been edited or the photo they showed has been changed and you’re left there not knowing what you’re actually sure about. Print may not be the most successful media platform, but it’s not dying, it’s surviving like it always has and always will. People will always look for well-rounded, full-sensory, and tangible experiences. People will always appreciate the long-term prestige of physical over the instant appeal of digital.

So where does that leave me. Well, I’m glad to announce that you’ll hear it here first. I, the founder of AR Digital, am seriously contemplating and considering a full re-branding into AR Multimedia very soon. Follow me on Facebook and Tumblr for news on this and I’ll update you guys frequently and I hope to see you guys in the next one. This is Andi from Art and Antics. Hope you have a wonderful day! Bye.

[drink-n-watch]

  Genre : Comedy, Slice of Life, Supernatural, Sci Fi, School

Episodes s3: 2

Episodes Reawakened : 6

Studio: J.C.Staff, EGG FIRM

  What possible problems could a guy that has almost unlimited psychic powers have? Well quite a lot really. First you have to develop the world’s most impenetrable poker face so that no one notices you’re accidentally reading their thoughts. It would be rude to react. And then when your friends get into trouble, which happens quite a lot when you attract every misfit around, you have to bail them out without them noticing. And what will happen when they find out? Is it ok to just erase their memories? How do you make sure your family doesn’t get over-reliant on your powers or deal with jealous siblings? These are all troubling questions every super powered psychic has to deal with. Oh and of course how do you stop the world from getting destroyed by an unprecedented calamity? There’s that one two. It can be a real pain. Fortunately, it’s fun to watch!

I’ve already watched the first two seasons of the popular Disastrous Life of Saiki K. If you’re curious, you can read my thoughts here: The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. and here: The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. 2. Super abridged version – I liked it!

yay!

When I heard that Netflix had decided to pick up this franchise for a little extra run, a lot of thoughts went through my head. One of which was definitely, I wonder how a Netflix budget is going to affect the show. And the answer to that is: not at all…

Season 3 of of Saiki K is a completely seamless continuation of season 2 in all production aspects. They are only two episodes and I wouldn’t have been surprised if they were made at the exact same time as the rest. As for Reawakened, I honestly couldn’t spot any differences. The cast may be a touch wider with pretty much everyone making at least some cameo appearances as well as new characters being introduced. And I guess maybe there were a bit more background mob characters so a few extra pennies might have gone that way but don’t hold me to it. It was in all appearance and sound, the good old Saiki we’ve all come to know and love.

For what that actually means in practice, feel free to read either one of those past season reviews. It’s honestly the same thing. And that’s not bad. The look of Saiki is a part of it’s identity. I’m glad they kept it.

not that looks are all that matters

But what about the actual…story is probably not the right word here. The Disastrous life of Saiki K has always been a series of quick sketches with a fairly loose connections to one another. Season 2 started setting up the end of the world scenario and that is the closest thing to an actual plot we have.

I’m going to talk about season 3 first because it’s a bit of an outlier. On top of my post there I have it as 2 episodes because that’s how it’s structured on Netflix which is where I watched. Two standard time episodes. However AniList has it as a single 1h episode which makes sense. It is really one continuous story. Or rather it’s a series of little adventures all leading to the same conclusion.

S2 left off with the revelation that Saiki has been trying and failing to prevent the end of the world due to an enormous volcanic eruption in Japan. As a result, he’s been resetting everything by a year over and over again for an untold amount of time. It’s sort of an endless eight situation.

exactly!

S3 picks up right there and shows us his last and successful attempt which culminates in Saiki giving up his psychic powers once the world is finally safe. And I really liked it. A lot. It has all the trademark humour and punchy jokes but it’s a little softer, punctuated by some honest sappy shows of friendship and character growth. It was a beautifully fitting end to the series which even left a sliver of opportunity for a follow up.

I went into Reawakened wondering if they were just going to ignore the finale events of season 3 or quickly rest them. I also was particularly on the lookout for studio interference, trying to spot Netflix’s influence in any of the episodes.

Well I was in for a surprise. First Reawakened screws a bit with the timeline. The bulk of the events seem to be taking place somewhere around the middle of season 2. We know this mostly because Aiura is there. But season 3 has definitely not happened yet. Then the last episode of Reawakened catches up to season three and gives us what happens after.

it’s unexpected

I actually really loved this. It managed to perfectly respect the events of previous season and integrate them in a way I hadn’t foreseen. I also really did enjoy how it ended even if it was a cop out.

As for the tone or studio interference well… If you watch all three seasons in a role you will see a sort of evolution and softening from season to season. It becomes a bit more of an ensemble series. Saiki himself gets a bit more layered and nuanced as a character and steps away from the mildly cynical straight man role. The jokes also stat to be a bit more surreal or get more set up as they can base themselves on more past episodes.

Reawaken didn’t quite fit with that narrative flow, but I don’t think it was because it’s a Netflix series either. If anything, I think maybe there was a span of time between the production. I say this because in feel and delivery, Reawaken very closely resembled season 1. It was sharper, the humour was more quickfire, Saiki was presented much more in isolation rather than an integral part of a group. And it really really had the exact tone of that first season which is a fan favourite so it may have been quite intentional.

solid plan for an anime!

For myself, I would say I liked s3 a little more than reawakened. Because I’m a softy. But I really enjoyed both a lot. I thought the entire experience of binging through these episodes made for such a perfect light distraction that had me giggling and smiling and just left me relaxed and carefree. It was like meeting up with old friends and having one of those kind of useless dinners where you just chat about whatever and you don’t even remember most of the conversation the next day but you’re left with a vague sense of happiness that carries on for the rest of the week. Like that!

I would recommend it as a watch or even rewatch for anyone that isn’t annoyed by rapid paced sketch comedy and that is in some need of a distraction right about now.

Favourite character : Saiki Kusuo. It’s fairly rare that the lead ends up being my favourite but I noticed that I was really enjoying the episodes where he was by himself.

Beer is made of hops, hops are plants, therefore beer is salad

Suggested drink: a Clairvoyant

Every time the 4th wall breaks – take a sip

Every time Kaido freaks out – take a sip

Every time Toritsuka dos something useful – gasp!

Every time the gang is in street clothes – take a screenshot

Every time someone(thing) pretends to be Saiki – take a sip

Every time there is coffee jelly – get a snack

Every time something goes wrong with Saiki’s limiter – take a sip

Every time Saiki takes his glasses off – blush

Every time we see Teruhashi’s fan club – cheer

Every time we see one of the supporting cast family – take a sip

Every time everything gets resolves offscreen – pfiou

You know the drill, tons of pics on Pinterest…

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. 3 and Reawakened – Great Quarantine Binge Genre : Comedy, Slice of Life, Supernatural, Sci Fi, School Episodes s3: 2 Episodes Reawakened : 6…

[hannekew1608327-blog]

Wall page and screen. Week 11. Final blog.

Tuesday 11th of April 2017 This will be my last blog for the Wall, page and screen module. This blog will contain: Adjustments to video Last tutorial with Shirley Final adjustments Where I intend(ed) the video to be shown Evaluation

Adjustments to video In the time between the work review and this tutorial I had adjusted several bits in the video. I had cut out even more ‘tea scenes.’ I changed the fond type and size. Also I adjusted the fade outs of both video and audio.  I received an email with feedback from Shirley on friday which I really appreciated. The email contained the following feedback: Beginning The opening text - needs to be held up for at least another 10 seconds (25 rather than 15) so we can read it at a leisurely pace and not feel rushed. End section You should hold the shot with the tears for at least 5 more seconds before fading out to black and then the final text needs to be in lower case like the first text (not caps). Music - I’m warming to it but you may want to rethink - it has the right effect a relief but i’m not absolutely convinced and whatever you choose you must allow it to fade over another 5 seconds or so - naturally

In response to this feedback I indeed made both those scenes longer. I also added a title with effects and sounds. Lastly I changed the moment when the music starts and I am letting it go on for a longer amount of time.  Tutorial Shirley The last tutorial with Shirley was really good. We did not have too much to discuss. She liked the video. There were only a small finishing touched that I ought to make: The starting text should come a little bit more in a block, meaning that I should make an imaginary line after the word ‘eyes’ and not let the sentences be longer than that. I hope I have explained this well. Lastly the music fade at the end should be slower, it is still too sudden. Shirley liked the title: ‘Chains of Memory’ so we’re keeping that-Yay. It was a good final tutorial, its almost a bit sad that it ended. I had a really good time making the video, meaning that I liked the support and guidance of Shirley and Georgie and that I feel like I made something close to my heart that means something.

Final adjustments to the video. I have now done the last tweaks that Shirley mentioned. It was quite hard to fade the music out in a way that it is not sudden, because the music actually has a kind of break in the music in the middle of the fade. This makes it sound like it goes very sudden, but it actually doesn't. In the end I settled by letting the music run after the break into a fade to, so that when you here it, you think it ended, but you can still hear it a bit after the break with the final fade. The text was no problem. I have watched a few times in total after I finished it, changed one or two things and have now exported it, ready for marking. Quite nervous, but also excited, because I know I did my absolute best and put a lot of effort in the video, both in time as emotionally. 

Where I intend the video to be shown. I wanted to make an art video, one that could be shown both in a gallery as on my website as an art piece. However, the film turned out to be more of a short film. At one point I believe Shirley called it a video that could be shown as a kind of information video about PTSD. My aim is to transfer emotion and to communicate feeling, but I am not sure whether I would be thrilled if it was an information video. After this comments I made a lot of tweaks and I do believe it is more of an art video now. I am not sure whether it would be a good piece for in a gallery. I feel the video is not subtle enough for that. This is a good thing to realise, especially as I am not against making more art videos. I mainly intended this video to be shown on my website as an art project, and I still think that would work really well. I am not totally sure whether it really has the feel of an art video, but it does everything that I want my art to do. Therefore, for me, it is a piece of art that fits perfectly in the other photographic art that I make. It was intended for my website and as a personal art video, and it is exactly that, even though it is not a typical ambiguous art video. Evaluation

Project Evaluation  Electronic Journal link/password: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/hannekew1608327

Project title: During the making of this video I chose the working title ‘Flashback.’ However, I never intended this to be the final title. When the entire video was finished, I had a hard time thinking of an appropriate title. That is why I suggested the follow titles to Shirley during the last tutorial for her to help me choose one: Seeing the past, The chains of trauma, Shadows, Flashing images of forced memory and Here and there.` As an example in the video, I choose the title that I thought was best: ‘Chains of Memory.’ Shirley liked this title and hence we went with that one. It describes, not only being bound by your past, but also how a trigger can make you re-live it.

Subject: My subject is trauma and specifically flashbacks due to trauma. This happens often if a person suffers from PTSD (post-traumatic-stress-disorder). This is a very personal subject to me as I have PTSD, due to a trauma. This, I feel, gives me an opportunity to communicate these feelings to the viewer of the video, and for me art is largely about the communication through a different way than language. The reactions to this subject ranged from ‘Why can’t you just do something happy for a change’ to ‘that is a very popular subject, mental health and trauma’ to ‘that is very brave of you.’ I did underestimate how heavy this subject was for me, but at the same time it felt good to do a subject, of which I know, I want to do more work of.  

Visual research: As I already had this project in my mind for a few months I already came up with a few ideas without too much research. A project I always find inspiring for this line of work is ‘Parting embrace’ by Dennis Favero. I feel he hits the right feelings with these pictures. For a while I also wanted to film certain abstract scenes, but after putting the storyboard together, I felt it did not suit the project. Apart from that I was advised against it by several people as they called my ideas about these relatively abstract scenes ‘too suggestive.’ Another photographer I used for inspiration was Francesca Woodman. Her pictures are often about pain and abuse and therefore seemed perfect for this project. However, I did not want to be naked in any of the scenes, so I did not use entire concepts of her pictures, but it did give me a lot of inspiration. The first Harry Potter scene of the 7th movie starts with a certain kind of sound that suddenly stops. When I thought about the idea of the video I often had that sound in the back of my head as it seemed to get a feeling across that I wanted to portray in the video as well. In the end the sound was actually used in part of it as well and the rest of the sound were inspired by that one sound. It is the sound leading up to the trigger in the commercial scenes, just before the gasp. It also felt right to me to use something from Harry Potter as I read the books during the event of one trauma to escape to another world to keep sane and I still listen to the books every night to minimalize the chance of nightmares. Another source of inspiration was the scenes where Bella from the twilight movies gets transformed into a vampire. The movies aren’t great, but here she is in pain inside her mind and calm outside. This outside and inside idea was a good inspiration for my video. Lastly Shirley showed me a video of James Brown. This video was a huge inspiration when it came down to lighting.  

Aims, objective, concept: My aim was to make an art video about my flashbacks. I wanted the video to show what it feels like. Communication in any form is limited of course, but I always feel art is one of the best ways of communication when it comes down to feelings/experiences that cannot be described by words. The idea was to present a person who just goes around doing something relatively normal/boring, in this case, making tea. Then there is a trigger for the flashback to start. From that moment, there are three ‘locations.’ One is in the dark where the emotions in the head take place, another is where the actual ‘reality’ takes place and the last one is the traumatic event itself.  

Production: As there was only a limited amount of time I decided against using cameras like a super 8. Instead I choose a DSLR. However, after shooting with it, it turned out that for the dark scenes I needed a video camera instead. I struggled a little bit with it, but after a while I had it figured out. It was handier to use the video camera as I could look at myself during filming. Which was a big help. Also, I felt more in control with the video camera. The audio used in the video are from YouTube videos, garage band and recordings made with the zoom kit. 

Presentation: I have presented my ideas clearly to my peers. I made sketches and explained in detail what I intended to do and why. The reaction to the sketches was good as some said that it made them visualise what I was going to do. My peers reacted to the video in a way that gave me confidence that the video communicates well what the subject is about and it does communicate feeling.

Evaluation: A weakness of my project is that to me it still does not look professional enough. However, for the relatively short amount of time that we had for this project I feel it is ok. If I had more time I would have undoubtedly experimented much more with lighting and equipment and possible different story boards. Another weakness is that I am not experienced in video, so practice would probably make perfect, except for the fact that I did not have too much practice yet. I think the strengths of my project are my experience on the subject and the fact that I tend to think in images. It also helps that I had this idea before starting the module, which allowed me a little bit more time to think it through, as in I had extra time to think the idea through in an early brainstorming stage, not in the trying out and filming of the actual material. I started early and was committed and worked hard on the video.

[markyishanthonymartinez]

3/7/17

okay not time for real blog.

these are always really hard when i have to remember the intricacies of yesterday while still having the intricacies of today in mind. 

Was yesterday the heat transfer exam?

oh yeah duh, okay so heat transfer exam went really surprisingly well. i was afraid of doing poo poo on the test, but i went ham studying the night before and realized i knew a lot more than i thought i did and i felt pretty much completely prepared for the exam and my grade should reflect that. legit got to the last problem after like 10 minutes.

i didn't watch any soccer yesterday, sad mark.

but bayern beat arsenal 5-1, AGAIN. i would actually cry if that was my team.

Mech Design lab is getting increasingly annoying. Like I’m tired of wasting so much time on sketching a part because people don't know how to use solidworks. like idk i'm sorry but you used solidworks in classes that are prerequisites for mech design. if you didn't learn it or somehow forget everything that’s on you but like can we please just get on with the learning and teaching and stuff.

my radio show went well. it’s fun finally having someone come in weekly, that didn't happen at all last semester and jeff has only came in like once or twice this semester. s/o to alex for coming to the past two shows and all the future ones this semester, you a real one.

we talked about pokemon lol. jamie even laughed at us and came into the studio to make fun of us. 

pokemon is cool, gtfo.

alex and i did hella homework and were hella productive. like i’m almost done with my homework due next week and that’s ridonculous. 

aaaaand then i went climbing with polesies and emily and john and gaby and courtney and even jens’ friends whose names i don't remember at all were there. (but no jens cause he fake) fun fun fun fun fun. i tried the same v2 like 10 times and just couldn't get the final grab. like i got to the top every single time, but couldn't get the last reach. it made me sad. but it makes me happy to realize i can do some v2′s now, that’s pretty pretty radical. 

i pretty much climbed to the point where it hurt to move. glad i went ham af. 

we went to wing stop after and yay for 50 cent wing days. poles and emily got mad af at each other. it was so dumb, but it was literally because earlier in the day poles didn't want to text her, but she kept texting him in spurts of like 3 messages and since he has vibration on his phone kept buzzing and it made him mad. and then they argued about non-consensual texting. lmaooooo. it was actually pretty dumb. i can't believe that argument happened. idek what to say about it.

ate hecka wings, got home, threw my bag on the couch downstairs (it was too much to carry, ya’know?), trudged upstairs, went pee, changed, died in bed. 

now it’s today

i tore my middle finger up pretty badly.

my forearms hurt so much typing this.

i’m gonna play fifa now.

do fun things/stay cute af

- mark climbthony martinez