#i gets funny after a while.

[squirmydonnie]

TW: su!cide, death, unreality (again)

I did something very weird.

But I don't feel bad about it. And I don't know if I should.

I could verbalize it. But that would be a bad idea.

I want to say all of it was. But I'm not sure.

If anyone questions it I already have an idea of what to say. But what I can say doesn't make a lot of sense. And it would raise questions.

So I should think of a few other things.

I don't know.

I feel a lot of anxiety still. But I don't feel like I need to do bad things to myself anymore.

So while I definitely diffused the situation, I don't think I did anything productive.

I probably did something that won't work out in the future.

Not that I won't make me feel better. But it won't be sustainable.

I can't just "do this next time!"- because its not. That kind of thing.

I can't just do this at all really. I shouldn't.

I thought I would feel disgusting but I didn't.

All my other normal efforts did not work.

I wish that they did. But they didn't.

I know why.

I don't need coping mechanisms anymore. I've already done that. And failed. I need real people beside me.

I tried to give myself a better childhood. I tried really hard. I tried to enjoy it.

But everytime it blew up in my face.

So I gave up and moved on to imaginary efforts.

That was until they mostly became un-imaginary and started to hurt me mentally.

But before all that, it was fine.

I had no reason to suspect it wasn't. I was re-parenting myself, making new friends, enjoying life, becoming comfortable with myself. Except. None of this was real.

Part of me knew this. That's why none of these things made me guilty in the first place.

That was until I realized what I had made cookie12 spawn from.

Which was my own death.

Which sounds really bad, but it wasn't involved as much. It was just the catalist for any of the experiences to be made.

And they were great experiences. All caused by my decision to let go of things and become my own person. Whether realizing it or not. Though none of this was real in the first place.

Thinking that you already died isn't exactly I great way to live your life. Which is why I quit all cookie 12 daydreaming.

you can do all that without dying. I doesn't have to be this way. I knew that. But it was too scary.

Despite how nice their life was. It wasn't real life. It was all fake. I still accomplished things under daydreaming but. Most things didn't feel good. That was, unless I was daydreaming.

And they guilt i carried didn't help.

But in quitting I was now alone.

I'm still trying to figure how to deal with that.

While I still valued others, it all felt like I was just going through the motions.

Expecting one day they would all leave me and cut me off.

Until eventually I live in this house with terrible conditions and i daydream all day.

But for me this was a fantasy.

I think slightly more of myself now.

Theres no more daydreaming in my future I hope. And I think I want an okay house. And I think maybe I want to make sure I keep more hoarding in check. And I am not like my Aunt.

I sure do love her a lot, but I don't think she deserves to live like that.

And I'm trying really hard to not believe that myself. Though the truth is, I don't believe I'm deserving of anything. And I don't want anything.

My asks are so small.

And they shouldn't be. But I'm too scared to ask for the things I like.

Anyway.

I did something similar to what I did in 7th grade.

I had put the in my backpack. And then

Well I actually don't remember the rest.

Put cran-grape juice on the floor on purpose. Told my dad it was an accident and had him clean it.

Surprisingly the floor is not stained?

I left the In the backpack for weeks. That's disgusting.

I don't blame myself for it or anything. But it is.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

they licensed his ass

my finished piece of the FWMS (official name definitely 100%) thing we started a few days ago! I had fun I hope folks had and/or continue to have fun with the sketch as well.

[zellk]

Githyanki doodling on post-it notes that I cleaned up a lil bit Lae'zel from memory on the first (im only happy with the profile tbh), and Anma and Mitas on the second (It was SO easy to fit them in BG3 lore it's insane... I even have a whole storyline roughly figured out for them and it came together in like 30 minutes on my walk home from work.) I don't have any energy to draw nowadays except on post-its, but it's better than nothing.

[heartorbit]

heartbeat

[daily-sifloop]

Kisses!!! Please!!!!!! They deserve it

day 11: behind the scenes

[courtmartialme]

woag .. otp

[asavt]

leshy freaking cat

The fact that we all (or almost all) took one look at the yellow cat and went "yeah sure lets go with that" will never not be hilarious to me.

[buf309]

ONE-SINGLE-BRAINCELL(TM) X FAMILY

Everyone has only one braincell which they often lose many times a day. Not once... Not twice... the count can jump up to even a dozen. They hide their bad memory issues and what they've already forgotten behind lies and painted smiles. And thus their family life... maintains its thin veneer of peace... if they even remember about it.

Inspired by this post and using this color palette from farbecolore.com.

[reksink]

Beloved Residents of Dirtmouth (And Quirrel 👍)

[show-us-kaidenshenandoah]

every time i watch anything with him in it (admittingly, predominantly from the Dropout app), i am reminded that Lou Wilson is the most handsome man to have ever lived. like, objectively. he just is. i will hear no arguments for any other person to be ranked higher. Lou Wilson: whose face single-handedly shows humanity can go no higher in beauty. he is THE most attractive man in the world. argue with the wall lmao

[llamagoddessofficial]

"so be sure to forgive him ASAP." (Killer accidentally hurting his SO)

What if you don't forgive him? What if he reaches for you dramatically while pretending to grovel and you flinch? If he notices you're tense and silent, not taking your eyes off him- normally he'd love that, but you aren't looking at him lovingly, or even with fond annoyance.

You're afraid, and it's directed at him.

Killer has an alarmingly one-track mind, when it comes to you. He will continue to pester you, every single spare moment he has, with the same big smile and silly energy and loving aura, as if nothing was wrong. It doesn't matter if you're laughing at his jokes or visibly pulling away from him in terror. He keeps going.

You're still scared? More stupid jokes. More apologies. More gifts. More nudging you with his elbow and saying "hey, watch this," before he does something that makes Dust or Horror regret waking up that morning. More smiling. More casually putting his elbow on your shoulder while he's talking to someone else. He will gnaw away at your fear response to him, piece by piece, until you're desensitised and you can start to love him again.

He's a deranged little persistence hunter, addicted to the way your smile fills the huge hole he carved out of himself. He will never let you go.

[tariah23]

oooooo white people in my replies really saying ‘I can excuse racism but I draw the line at homophobia’

Not surprised since this is the site that only talks about racism and thinks it’s a big deal when they see it demonstrated in the cartoons and comics they like *coughs* dungeonmeshi *coughs* (for example at least. I haven’t seen THIS many white ppl talk as in depth about racism on here as much as these fandom nerds, man. I stg. Like “Ohhhh, so you all DO acknowledge that racism is real? Just not in real life even if you could feel it slapping you in the face at high speed. Gotcha.” It’s crazy.

Tumblr is like, 90% white and is extremely centered around them. That’s why you barely see stuff that’s important to black and brown people ever trending here or being talked about. It has to be something incredibly huge to the point where even white people can’t ignore it like they usually do, to talk about it here.

They only talked about George Floyd here because the topic of his death became world news. Even people in other countries were talking about it. Before him, it was probably Ferguson and Trayvon Martin… most of them are still trying their best to ignore the genocides because it’s a “touchy subject.” What do you expect from white people who live in their own bubbles of comfort and refuse to pop it with a needle??? They find comfort in their privilege and faux ignorance (they love playing stupid to avoid conversations about important things outside of fandoms like, are these mfs born with half a brain dedicated to fandom or what.) That’s literally all these mfs make a big deal out of, especially on this annoying ass platform. The ao3 mfs will go to war for the site that allows racist ff and cp like it’s no big deal. I wonder how many people here even donated to the site while actively scrolling past dono posts from folks who really do need help. They act like they’re doing a civil service by defending this site that makes over the amount of it’s intended dono goal in minutes.

Then you already know as soon as you even bring up racism in the stuff they like, they start ganging up and harassing black bloggers especially, calling them TERFs and the whole nine. Anything to make that person look bad for being concerned about the racism that they have such an intense aversion to. God, it’s absolutely exhausting knowing that these people would have no problem choosing a cartoon character over your entire existence if they COULD. Isn’t that fucking sad, man?

[cheriafreya]

Allow me to make you an offer... one you can't refuse.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Clown to Equine communication failed; They are separate species.

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[aflamboyanceofflamingos]

In order to turn a very embarrassing moment of my life into something funny have this stupid Timbern au:

The Drakes are alive so Tim is still on track for being the heir of D.I. but is interning at W.E. for the summer because Bruce offered a position

Bernard has been interning at W.E. as well, for volunteering hours

The both work in a small, newer branch of W.E. that focuses on cultivating more information about Gotham’s history

Bernard’s there because it's the most teen focused thing and Tim’s there because he wants to figure where exactly the Lazarus pit is under Gotham so he can mess with Ra’s

They are currently stationed at an old house that was made into a museum which is managed by Wayne Enterprises, but since most of it is a museum there are only a few rooms to actually work, however it being a teen thing it’s very much choose your own hours so that prevents too many people from being there at once

Tim, who doesn’t want someone to come in a see the fact that he’s already finished cataloging all of the 2023 Donations to the museum and is instead using the time to further research the numerous curses in Gotham and/or watch Demon Slayer, is very happy about this fact and only comes at either the earliest or latest times so he gets a room to himself and only has to pretend to be going through boxes when someone checks on him

Bernard immediately messes up Tim’s plan

He’s always there- morning, night, even when Tim changes up his schedule

And no matter how many how many empty rooms there might be he always finds Tim and sits with him, even the time Tim tried to hide in the attic under the guise of organizing a couple boxes up there

Being the paranoid idiot that he is Tim assume that Bernard is a from the League of Assassins and enacts a 46-step plan to figure out what he’s planning (read: stalks him) and in the course of it ends up falling in love

Meanwhile on Bernard’s side, the first week of the internship he walked into the room Tim was in and wanted to be friends with the cute boy

The reason that he kept finding Tim was that he was talking to Dick Grayson, his gymnastics instructor, and Dick had realized that the boy in question was his honorary little brother and told Bernard that “Timmy’s shy, you just have to break down his walls to get to know him” and tells him when Tim’s going to the museum

Dick is well aware of what Tim thinks the situation is because he’s the one Tim rants to, but he thinks it’s funny and will make for a great story to tell at their wedding

[surreal-duck]

catch you!!!