#i got like 100 episodes left and its really starting to take its toll on me lol

[gothmoneyswag]

favorite genre of gintama villain is the short arc one off villain that time and time again somehow ends up being yet another skeleton in gintoki’s unconditionally large trauma closet

[sapphire-innit]

Saddest Beach Party Ever :(

Watch out for this one folks, it gets a bit dark -- mind the tags (though nothing outside of what you'd expect for.. this episode)

VOD: Tommy Is Left ALONE at his Exile Party with Dream (Start - 35:30)

(rp) I have Absolutely been putting off watching this one because I WILL cry and I am scared

I can't imagine what it was like to watch live and see NO ONE on the beach

He's keeping up a good face, adding more chairs... I'm not looking forward to it setting in.

like fuck man, fuck Dream for chasing of Ghostbur for MULTIPLE reasons but also because no one else even KNEW about the party :(

He's so excited about maybe seeing Tubbo I hate it Thanks

and now he's putting things down for Quackity and adding more things he's still so happy and excited (though you can occasionally see the mask break - there's a lot of nervous energy here)

"Where... no, well go place this" "why did Fundy leave the game" THANKS I HATE IT

Lazer and Fundy have been some of the people who have visited toooo :(

Tommy's face when no one is on the nether path.............. ouch

.............................................................................................

log off right now green demon

log off RIGHT NOW

just stewing in silence ..... painful....

cc!Tommy really is one of the best actors on the server, this hurts quite a bit

............

I know that's Dream joining the call and I hate it

fuck

"I'm running a little late, sorry :)" >:|

fuck, Tommy apologized and tossed his armor immediately INCLUDING HIS GIFT SHOES AND AXE, Dream didn't even ask

Dream of course taking the chance to be '''''''benevolent''''.... probably as a reward for Tommy doing it immediately and without prompting >:|

and ofc Dream just straight up lies about the invites to rub salt into the wound. Cant have Tommy thinking people CARE ABOUT HIM OR ANYTHING.

Even mentioned Tubbo SPECIFICALLY YOU BASTARD "in L'manburg" was that truly necessary bastard

the sun setting... a symbol of hope... the symbol of their friendship.... disappearing into the ocean... I hate it :(

Dream pushing him into eating the cake.. "I've lost my appetite"

just digging in that Tubbo For Sure got the Invite Definitely and no one came except Dream.

"I didn't mind being a little bit late because I thought everyone else would be here" why did he keep pointing out he was late, kept hammering that point home. Like even Dreams attention is not important to Dream? like it has to be earned maybe ..?

"No one cares about me anymore" "that's not true" *BREAKS CAKE* "None of them care about me anymore"

IS HE BREAKING THE PATH OHNOOO ;-;

"No one cares... other than You(Derogatory)"

"Maybe they had something more important" I hate how Dream hides his digs behind sounding consoling it fucking SUCKS

I hate how depressed he sounds, how resigned

....threw away the chicken, and he isn't eating or healing. I knew to watch out for it but its never been this pronounced before. He's down to three hearts ;-;

"I'm pretty sure he burned it, or lost it" I do not believe that for a SECOND Dream, or at least its not as clear cut as it seems. Tubbo CARES ABOUT TOMMY, I *JUST SAW* a clip of him holding the compass aaaaa

ohno

"at least SOMEONE on this entire 30 person server got an invite" "He said he was going to give it to at least 13 people, and at least one person I saw give it in person"

ohno

ohnooooooooooo

he really is gonna toss the compass isn't he nooooooooo

...............

staring into the lava again. "he burned it. On purpose"

Dream quibbling ... but doubling down i hate it

.......its just... so clear he's not only thinking about the compass in lava

Dream shooting at the Ghast,,, telling Tommy to sleep on it, coaxing him back from the edge "almost fell off, careful Tommy" I hate it here

"I don't sleep anymore Dream" "I just want to go home" "Please can I go home" he sounds so broken ;A;

"why can't I stay" :( :( :(

"It's not like they want you anyway Tommy. No one showed up to your party and everyone was invited" And THIS is why Dream tanked the party on purpose. Because if Tommy thinks no one even wants him, he won't even try to get back, and will just stay under Dreams control. There's such a mental and emotional difference and toll from "Outside forces (Dream) are keeping me from going home and maybe I can subvert or change them" and "Home doesn't want me and they're better off without me"

It truly is creepy how Dream is trying to coax him with the Christmas tree, like he's trying to pull this balancing act because he can tell Tommy is on the edge of really giving up and I hate it so much

He still hasn't eaten

"c'monn you want to see the Christmas tree :)" overwriting his feelings as well ugh

"I'm sure if you asked them, they'd say they care about you" I see you invalidating any future concern someone might show him

ALSO TOMMY CALLING EXILE HOME IS SURE SOMETHING

.....him asking Dream to defend him is... painful. Especially having just watched the latest stream where he asked the same of Tubbo right after being triggered as hell ugh. He really has gotten used to being made helpless and depending on Dream, even on the one day he didn't get his armor and weapons taken away from him. He sounds so resigned :(

(( LOL OK THE DNF JOKE WAS PRETTY FUNNY THO))

he's bribing him with the trident and I hate it. Though at least hes enjoying it??? Mixed feelings on that. He ate too and I hate that Dreams honeymoon stage is w o r k i n g )

that is the most sincere I have ever heard Tommy say Dream cares about him and it FUCKING SUCKS

I know we never could have had "Happy Party AU" because Dream never would have allowed people to come and validate Tommy but man Trident tricks w everyone would have been nice

...lol someone pointed out the red looks like blood. the fake girlfriend bits are so Weird

Dream what do you GET out of this, why are you so OBSESSED. He spends so much time here

"I wont bring it up with them because that would be awkward" oof and I bet he won't believe it if anyone says they didn't get the invite will he oof

.. He pulls out the Axe but lets dream actually kill the skeleton, he already put it away before Dream even got on screen how many times do i have to say THANKS I HATE IT HERE before it becomes meaningless

So this was around the point (or maybe a little bit later, but talking about this point) during dsmp where I started seeing it cross my dash without any context and saw a lot of takes about "oh but they didn't get the invite" and I had NO IDEA why Tommy was so upset about what was clearly a misunderstanding or why he was making it such a big deal.... well I get it now

Tommy really really isn't in a place where he can believe someone when they say they didn't get an invite. And it Really Truly WAS a big deal and actually I'm 100% on Tommy's side on this issue now (though I also don't blame the other characters for this: See Big Green Bastard Man who is truly at fault) I can understand completely why he throws it in their face later though

He's doubting if he wants to go back now.. that was exactly the point of it all :(

"Thanks for letting me keep my armor today btw" I hate how sincere Tommy is about this. I hate how Dream has so effectively done this, where Tommy sees it as a FAVOR that Dream doesn't come and blow up all of his things and hard work and THANKS him for it.

People much smarter than me have pointed out how 1:1 this is to real abusive relationships and how well its portrayed. I don't have anything clever or insightful to say here I guess, just that its exhausting and heavy to watch (but also really powerful as well, because we DON'T see shit like this played this realistically, or in this much accurate detail)

I just want Tommy to be out of here safely and realize what is being done to him is WRONG and not his fault and be given a chance to actually heal. I know the likelihood of that in the future, considering whats to come, is also. complicated to say the least.

[theadventuresofamuslimrevert]

Forgiving is hard.....

Every time I contemplate on all the heartbreaking episodes & events that i had to endure these past few months, I couldn’t help but to be filled with rage and/or great sorrow. Lately, it has kind of taken a toll on me. I often find it so difficult for me to fully focus & achieve khusyu’ in my ibadah or any task I do in general. As hard as I try to eliminate external distractions when I’m at something, my past always finds its way back to me. I start to be reminded of how hurt i was, and all the familiar faces that caused that hurt. Anger will peek in and just like that, I lose focus.

Now being distracted isn’t my main concern. It’s the fact that by losing focus when i’m in the middle of doing something, be it ibadah or work, I would end up not entirely satisfied of the outcome once it’s done- this bothers me a whole lot. Imagine how much better everything would turn out if I gave my 100%. Until I discover how to get rid of everything that’s bugging me, I don’t think I’ll ever be at peace. The question here is, why can’t I? Why is it so hard to get over everything? Then it occurred me last night that maybe, just maybe, the reason why I can’t let go of my past is because I’m withholding one of the most essential thing that is needed to move on- forgiveness.

In my effort to start fresh, I realised how I still get all emotional and mad each time I think of the ones who broke me. So I ask myself, if I still feel this way then have I really forgiven them? Hm, I don’t think so. But then, why not?

Although Allah has given us the right to refuse from forgiving someone, I’m pretty sure He does not encourage it. As difficult as it is to forgive, holding back forgiveness is way more tormenting and painful. It haunts you. In my idealism, I used to think that if I don’t forgive someone, i have done my revenge. They will not be able to live in peace because regardless of whether they have asked for an apology or not, i’d still consider it as ‘unsettled business’. But hey who am I kidding, because eventually, this mentality corrupts the heart. And a heart which is corrupted will never be at peace- including mine.

Oh come on, It’s islamic new year. If not now, can there be a better time? You see, forgiving does not only benefit the person at fault, but it’s equally as important & necessary for the forgiver as well. You should forgive others not only because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. After all the crap they got you through, even if they never bothered to say sorry, forgive them. Again not because they deserve it, but you are way better than that. Because you are worthy with the quality of being forgiving. It takes the same amount of energy to forgive as well as to not forgive. There’s a certain kind of humility required to be the adult here. Not forgiving, as convenient as we ‘assume’ it is, just indicates the amount of pride and arrogance we have in us. Since when is life a battle of ego? Remember the story of Adam and Iblis Laknatullah? Ego was the exact reason why Iblis was taken out of jannah.

We are all children of Adam. We make mistakes. At some point of our lives, we have also wronged someone. We might have caused them hurt. With or without intentions, knowingly and unknowingly. It is certainly natural to mess up here and there. Yes right now you are torn. Yes you are shattered to pieces and broke to the bones. That person may have betrayed us, slandered us, or simply been a pain in the ass. But how can you be so sure you’ve never left anyone feeling the same way before? And because of that, we all owe each other forgiveness. If we hope to be forgiven, why is it so hard to do the same to people? Why are we withholding something which we are clearly not the rightful owner of in the first place?

Forgiveness, dear readers, it’s is not our forte. It’s not something we humans are experts of. For goodness sake, we are not God. Even Allah is Al-Ghaffur- The Most Forgiving. He forgives and He loves to forgive. It’s one of his beautiful attributes. A Godly one. Now since Allah is All-Forgiving, if the person at fault commits sincere tawbah (repentance), it is most likely for Him to forgive the person. But us humans? We on the the other hand, are different. We tend to come up with so many excuses and have the cheek to not forgive a fellow human being who breathe, eat, sleep and make mistakes just like us. Do we think that if we do not forgive them, we can refuse them jannah? Are we for real? Don’t compare who hurt who more, or ‘my pain is bigger than your pain’. If you look at it that way, you will never be able to forgive. We are not the bosses of others. I don’t owe you, you don’t owe me. Honey, who are we to punish people? If Allah can forgive people, why should we punish them more than they deserve to be punished?

It warms my heart every single time I recall on how forgiving our prophet Muhammad SAW was. Do you remember how he was once rejected by the people of Ta’if? When he arrived to Ta’if, he was pelted with rocks and stones until he bled awfully. His whole body was covered with blood and his sandals were clogged to his feet. Things got so ugly that Jibril was sent down to usher the angels in charge of the mountains to look after this matter. The angel greeted Rasulullah and said;

“Oh Prophet of Allah! I am at your service. If you wish, I can cause the mountains overlooking this town on both sides to collide with each other, so that all the people therein would be crushed to death, or you may suggest any other punishment for them.”

I bet you can guess what the prophet did next. 

Yes, he forgave them instead. Allah. He was A PROPHET. A Nabi! He could simply ask Allah to destroy the people of Ta’if. But not only he forgave them, he also prayed for them. He prayed for his enemies. No grudges. No nothing. MashaAllah, such humility. Muhammad SAW raised his hands towards the heavens and said “…So long as You are not angry with me, I do not care. Your favour is of a more expansive relief to me.”

Allahuakbar

Here’s another story. Once during the time of the prophet SAW, a man was said to be given glad tidings of Jannah. A sahabah heard this news and due to curiosity, he observed that man’s activities for 3 days from the moment he wakes up, to the time he goes to bed. However he did not find anything that made the man stand out from the rest of the sahabah who seemed to be doing more good deeds. So one day, he gave up and decided to ask the man directly. The man revealed a truly virtuous act that he never forgets to do every night. He said “Every night, before I go to sleep, I forgive whoever has wronged me. I remove any bad feelings towards anyone from my heart.”

How beautiful is that?

I learnt that one way to be more forgiving is by reading more seerah of the prophets. How they dealt with people, particularly who hated them and had harm inflicted on them. They were so gentle towards others and they showed that it is absolutely possible to forgive with hikmah; to become strong, without being hard, and remain soft, without being weak. Personally, the more I read about the prophets, the more I feel so little. As if I have no right at all to NOT forgive people, despite how they were towards me before.

Again,

Forgive others not solely because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace

It’s a win-win situation, for both parties. Not only that, it is also an investment for our Aakhirah. Our “jannah access cards”. Give yourself a chance to be happy again. Get rid of all that intention of wanting to torment a fellow human being by not forgiving them. It’s liberating and life changing, you know. Set them free, while setting yourself free. Pray for them. Ask Allah to guide them and make them happy. I noticed that by making du’a for those who have hurt us, we will find that their happiness can also be our happiness too. Tell me how can we not be happy seeing our prayers being granted?

And to every single soul that I have wronged, if by any chance you’re reading this, I sincerely beg for your apology. Please make du’a for me. Also know that I have forgiven you and I wish you nothing but the best for both your dunya and aakhirah. May Allah grant you contentment and peace, and may he soften our hearts to continue forgiving.

I deserve peace. You deserve peace.

So may peace be upon us all, inshaAllah.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

CSI: Rogers and Barnes- The Serious Cereal Serial Killer Ch10: Surprise, Surprise

Part 1

Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Episode Summary: It’s the day of their date, and Steve’s a little nervous… Episode Warnings: Bad Language words. SMUT in Part 2… (NSFW) NO UNDER 18s!!!!

Episode Pairings:  Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

Song for Episode:  Hey There, Delilah by Plain White Ts

A/N: This is another LONG chapter guys, but we couldn’t not show you their date in full so…we’ve split it into 2 parts again so you can choose to read them one after the other or pace yourselves. Part 2 will be up straight after this one.

As always we live for re-blogs and comments

CSI Rogers and Barnes Master List // Main Masterlist 

But girl tonight you look so pretty, yes you do. Times Square can’t shine as bright as you, I swear it’s true…

"Good morning. How you feel, Buck?" Steve asked Bucky, raising his eyes from the files he was reading at the breakfast bar. Bucky hadn’t been home the previous night when Steve had arrived back to the flat and there was still no sign of him when Steve had switched the TV off and headed for bed, and that had been way past midnight.

"Uh, not bad, for the end of the world." Buck answered rubbing his eyes.

"There's fresh coffee and I made toast if you want." Steve offered before taking a sip from his coffee mug.

Bucky only groaned as a response. He approached the sink and bent to search for something in the cabinet below.

"Slept well?" he asked Steve, his voice muffled due to his head being partly inside the cabinet.

"Yeah, like a baby. What are you doing?" Steve asked frowning.

"Bastard" Bucky muttered "Like a baby.." he said under his breath mimicking Steve's voice.

"What are you muttering? Are you hungover?" Steve inquired watching him dumbfounded as Bucky retrieved something and left it on the counter by the sink. What exactly, Steve couldn't see from his spot at the breakfast bar.

"Yes, I am." Bucky answered turning to face him.

"You went out on a Monday?" Steve raised his eyebrows.

"Yup. Bar crawl."

"I didn't know you were going out?" Steve asked, staring at him disapprovingly. Going out on a Monday and getting drunk was too much, even for Bucky, Steve thought to himself. Clearly the case was taking its toll on everyone in his team.

"I wasn't ... but then you drove me to it." Bucky answered pointing his finger at him.

"Me?" Steve asked shocked.

"Yeah..." Bucky cleared his throat before putting on a false panting voice ‘Come on, doll…come for me…’ Does that sound familiar?"

Steve choked on his drink and blushed fiercely. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He was lost for words.

"You better wipe that desk down. You dirty bastard." Bucky groaned throwing the packet of disinfecting wipes that he had retrieved from under the sink at him. "In the station of all places" he continued as he grabbed a mug from the rack beside the sink and poured himself some coffee.

"It wasn't planned. We just..." Steve began to explain once he pulled himself together, still embarrassed and red-faced. Bucky shook his head before he smirked slightly at his friend’s floundering.

"Gotta admit, Stevie, I'm a little proud." Bucky said slapping his friend’s back and stealing a slice of toast from his plate.

"It just..." Steve trailed before he took a deep breath and shook his head "Actually, I'm not explaining to you. Fuck off."

Bucky roared with laughter as he sat in front of Steve at the breakfast bar.

"Making up for lost time, huh?" he asked mischievously.

"You've seen her? I'd bang her every second of the day if I could. She's gorgeous." Steve said grinning.

"Yeah. Marking your territory after a certain spiky haired technician was sniffing around?" Bucky asked and looked at the toast he had stolen from Steve "Argh. This shit is disgusting. Why don't you put some cheese spread or something on it?" he said standing up and heading for the fridge.

"What's with you and food? And are you going to tell me what time did you come back last night?" Steve asked him.

“Told ya, punk. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And your toast is quite..." he paused and closed the fridge door. Bucky turned to look at his friend and grinned before finishing his sentence "....stark."

"You know what, Barnes? I'm done with you." Steve scoffed.

"Sorry." Bucky said still laughing. "Wait for me? Don't feel like driving today, my head is killing me."

He chugged the rest of this coffee and rinsed the mug before putting it in the dishwasher.

"Sorry, pal. Need to be in court in an hour. I'm not showing up at the station until afternoon today." Steve shrugged.

"Oh, yeah. Right. I forgot. You know my memory hasn't been the same since Siberia." Bucky said before grabbing a plum from the bowl and leaving the kitchen.

Fifteen minutes later, Bucky poked his head by the kitchen door to say goodbye to Steve who was still going over his notes and the files of the case he was supposed to be attending in court that morning.

"I'll look after your girl for you, punk" Bucky yelled before slamming the flat's door behind him with a snigger.

Bucky enjoyed bugging his best friend but he truly loved seeing him as happy as he had been the last few days. Though there was something about Steve that morning he couldn't quite place. He was especially nervous, he kept on twitching his right leg and he had been constantly drumming his fingers on the table. Something he used to do when he was restless about something. Maybe it was because he had to be in court.

That was what Bucky was thinking when he opened the main door to the building and, surprisingly, or not surprisingly maybe, Tony pushed past him into the foyer without much as a Hey for greeting. That meant bad news, Bucky thought and decided to send Steve a warning text message.

"Incoming".

******

Steve frowned as the door banged, and then he heard his phone go off. Assuming both were from Bucky and that he had left his keys behind or something he headed over to the door, and pulled it open. The smart ass quip he had about Bucky forgetting his head if it wasn’t screwed on died in his throat as he saw Tony looking at him.

“Tony���hi…”

“Rogers.” Tony spoke, pushing past him into the apartment.

Steve took a deep breath and then blew it out through his mouth harshly before he closed the door. He wasn’t completely surprised to see him, he’d been expecting some kind of confrontation after Katie had called him later the previous evening to say she’d come clean to Tony and his reaction had been as anticipated, basically he had hit the roof. With another deep sigh, steeling himself for the inevitable he followed Tony back into the apartment where he was stood by the back of the sofa, his dark, brown eyes roving over the Captain shrewdly.

“Let’s not bother with the pleasantries…” Tony looked at him, arms folded.

“Don’t start Tony…” Steve groaned, but he was cut off as Tony made an angry noise in his throat.

“Oh I’m gonna start all right…” he glared at him. “And you’re going to shut up and listen.”

Steve took a deep breath, and folded his arms, bristling slightly. He didn’t appreciate being spoken to like that, least of own in his own apartment but he knew if Katie and him were to stand any chance of having Tony’s approval, grudgingly or otherwise, he was going to have to take whatever the man was going to give him on the chin.

“Katie was heartbroken when Ward did the dirty on her…but I don’t need to tell you that, you were there. You always have been, you’ve been her best friend for as long as I care to remember and then…well, you did her wrong too, just as much as he did, maybe in a different way but you hurt her. Enough to make her want to move to DC and…”  Tony took a deep breath and Steve waited for him to finish “So I gotta ask Cap, is this serious for you or you just after getting your dick wet again?”

“Of course it’s serious for me Tony…” Steve said, his temper flaring slightly at his crass tone. “And if you actually think that little of me that you had to even ask me that...”

“My God you really are full of yourself, Rogers!” Tony cut him off, shaking his head, and Steve raised his eyebrow at the fact that Tony Stark was calling him arrogant. “This has nothing to do with what I think of you, this is about my sister. The girl I couldn’t love any more if I tried. I’d die for Katie, you got that? Die for her!”

“Well that makes 2 of us!” Steve said loudly, silencing the other man. There was a moment where no sound was heard in the apartment bar the ticking of the clock and Tony raised his eyebrows slightly as Steve looked down at the floor taking a deep breath.

“Look, I know you’re not happy about this…” Steve sighed, looking at Tony again “And you’ve got every right to be angry and sceptical, I get that. Yes, I did her wrong, I’m not proud of myself, and if I could go back and change it all I would but I can’t. I love her Tony, and I don’t ever want to hurt her again. You have my word...”

He trailed off and watched as Tony’s eyes softened, but his jaw remained set.

“You better not, because if you do, Rogers, make no mistake I will fucking kill you…slowly and painfully”

Tony’s brown eyes flashed slightly as he stared at Steve, And Steve knew, absolutely 100% that he meant it. He was surprised to find himself slightly unnerved by the threat. Hoping that his face didn’t give him away he merely nodded and then Tony’s demeanour changed completely and he turned back into the Tony Stark that Steve knew, and had to admit, quite liked after all.

“Ok, good, this was a good talk…” Tony said, clapping Steve on the shoulder.

Steve smiled as the weight he hadn’t even realised he’d been carrying was lifted off his shoulder. Having Tony’s, albeit grudging, approval would mean the world to Katie, and if he was honest, it meant a lot to him as well. Not only was Tony his friend also, but he was now the closest thing Katie had to a father, and he wanted him to be alright with the fact the two of them were together. Plus it meant there was no sneaking around outside work as well as inside, which was going to make things for them a lot easier.

He offered the man a coffee which he politely declined, stating he needed to get back to the office. The two shook hands on the threshold of Steve’s door before Tony gave him one last look, raising his index finger and middle finger of his right hand to his eyes, before turning them to point at Steve in an “I’m watching you” gesture. Steve raised his eyebrows in understanding and felt his mouth tug upwards at the side as Tony turned on his heels and left.

He retreated back to his living room and pulled out his phone. He’d been right about one thing, the message had been from Bucky. It was a single word- “Incoming…”

With a snort he typed out his response- “Incoming already came in…” before he hit send and then called Katie “Hey baby” Katie greeted and Steve smiled.

“Morning honey, guess who I’ve just had a visit from.” Katie groaned into the phone as Steve walked into his bedroom, opening his closet.

“Let me guess… my darling brother turned up to give you the shovel talk?” her tone was exasperated. “No mention of a shovel, just threatened to kill me slowly and painfully if I hurt you, and you know what? I have absolutely no qualms about the fact he would.” Steve grinned as he spoke, pulling out a crisp white shirt.

“Don’t tell me you’re actually scared of him?” she questioned playfully. “Well he seemed pretty convincing.” Steve said, dropping his suit pants onto the bed next to his shirt as Katie let out a chuckle.

“Best make sure you don’t hurt me then aint ya?” “I’ve no intentions of doing doll.” He said, honestly before he let out a breath, smiling “I can’t wait for tonight.”

“Me neither.” she replied, and he could hear the smile in her voice a she spoke.

“Ok, well, I need to get ready for court…” he sighed, pulling out a blue and silver striped tie “But I’ll see you at the Station after lunch ok?”

“Yeah, you will. Love you.” “You too sweetheart.”

He cut the call and dropped the phone onto the bed, taking a deep breath before he turned and headed for a shower

*****

“Thanks…” Katie looked at Bucky as he placed the large Vanilla Latte on her desk. She lounged back in her chair, watching him as he dropped into his seat with a groan and banged his head on the desk. She frowned “You alright Buckaroo?” “Never better Doll face.” he said, dodging the pen she threw at him at the use of the name. “Just drank too much last night”

“On a Monday?” Katie smirked “Good going…” “Yeah, well it wasn’t planned.” Bucky said, his eyes darting to Steve’s office which was locked. He turned back to Katie and arched his eyebrows “You know closing the blinds to a room doesn’t make them soundproof?”

Katie’s eyes widened as she understood instantly what he was getting at and she let out a groan which turned into an embarrassed chuckle “You heard us? We didn’t think there was anyone here.” “Clearly.” he said, sardonically “I had to come back for my phone. You weren’t exactly being discreet…”

She blushed, and then her embarrassed expression was replaced by a wicked glint as she looked at Bucky and shrugged “Those glasses he has do things to me.” Bucky snorted and shook his head “You’re a nightmare.” Katie grinned, shrugging.

“Hey Serge…both of you..” Clint’s voice rang across the room and Bucky looked up as he put the phone down, walking over to their desk. “I’m having some real trouble with this whole Rumlow thing…”

“How so?” Katie asked.

“Well, I’ve been passed from department to department.” he frowned  “And no one seems to be able to give me a straight answer…one of them told me there was no record of any prisoner with that name ever having been in the prison in the first place.” Katie frowned “Well that’s just nonsense…” she looked at Clint then Bucky before she shook her head

“There must be some kind of mistake.” Bucky shrugged “An error in their system.” “Or some kind of cover up.” Katie mused, biting her lip.

“A cover up?” Clint looked at her “That’s a little…” “Far fetched?” Katie snorted “So was the idea of Ross fucking a goat but…”

“You had to bring that up…” Bucky groaned.

“Just…hear me out.” Katie dropped her voice “You know what I think about the blackmail thing. I seriously believe someone’s been yanking Ross’ chain…and if it’s to do with Rumlow, as we suspect, than Ross was high enough up in the Senate to be able to pull something like this off…”

“That’s some heavy duty conjecture.” Bucky dropped his voice “Why would anyone want to blackmail Ross into erasing the fact that Rumlow was in jail?”

Katie shrugged “No idea…but the way this case is going I’m not ruling anything out.”

Clint looked at Katie then Bucky “So what do you want me to do?” “Can you pull details of every call you made, to who, what they told you…” Katie looked at him “Then we can get all of it in order and take it to Steve. If we’re about to blow some kind of government cover up, he’s gonna need to speak to Fury…” “Will do.” Clint said, straightening up “Where is Cap anyway?” “In Court…” Wanda pipped up before Bucky or Katie could answer as she walked past with a bunch of files in her arms “Should be back after lunch.” Katie rolled her eyes at Bucky who grinned at her slightly over his coffee. “Can you check his diary Wanda?” he looked at the other woman “See what he has on this afternoon…” “I know what he has on.” she said, smirking slightly “A suit, like he always does in court…” Katie bristled slightly and Bucky groaned inwardly as Wanda continued “And boy does he look good in them…” “Well, that aside can you check his dairy?” Bucky said to her, not harshly but sternly enough to tell the woman to do it “We need an hour or so…make sure you schedule it in please?”

Wanda merely nodded and walked over to her desk, and as soon as she was out of earshot Bucky leaned forward as Katie started to grumble.

“I swear to God one of these days…”

“She can look at him in those suits all she wants…” he grinned “You’re the one that gets to take it off him tonight.”

Katie gave a snort before she shook her head “I doubt he’s gonna wear a suit on our date.” “Your date?” Bucky frowned, “That’s tonight?” Katie nodded and Bucky then understood what Steve had been nervous about that morning. It wasn’t court, it was his date. Stupid blonde punk was nervous about taking his girl on a date. It was kind of ironic really, they’d seen each other naked, fucked…yet he was nervous about a date.

But that was Stevie all over.

“Do you know where you’re going?”

“Nope.” she shook her head “He won’t tell me. Do you know?” “No.” Bucky said honestly “But even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. He’d kick my ass.” Katie rolled her eyes before she glanced over at Clint who was taping at his keyboard, and then a wicked smile spread across her face. Bucky watched as she stood up.

“You got all the records of the phone calls?” “Yeah, why.” “Give them to Wanda.” she said loud enough so that Wanda’s head jerked up “Wanda, I need you to pull these notes into order and file them so Clint can go through and cross reference anything important.” “Me?” Wanda looked at her

“Yes, that is your job isn’t it?”

“I’m not doing that.” “Well, as your Sergeant, I’m telling you that you are.” Katie folded her arms and looked at him. “By this afternoon.” Bucky hastily looked down, trying to stop himself from laughing. This was Stark all over…wait until the moment was right, and then strike back.

“Whatever you say, Serge…” Wanda glared back at Katie before she tore her eyes away and looked at Clint “Give me what you have and I’ll sort it.” Katie returned to her desk and locked eyes with Bucky who simply raised an eyebrow at her. She shrugged innocently before she pulled her file over and began flicking through.

***** With a sigh Steve walked out of court, hastily loosening his tie and undoing the top button on his shirt. His questioning had been fairly straight forward, but still he hated this part of the job. Mind you, he could relax about it now, it was done and unless he was mistaken the perp was going down for a long time.

He turned his phone back on and it beeped at him to indicate he had a message, it was from his Ma asking him what time she should expect him for lunch. He was about to call her when the screen lit up. It was Katie.

“Hey doll.” he greeted her as he walked over to the Audi A5 the insurance company had given him as a temporary means of transport whilst they wrangled over a settlement for his.

“Hey, listen, Thor just called, he’s heading past the diner and grabbing everyone lunch. Do you want anything?” “No, I’m gonna head and see Ma.” he said, unlocking the car. “She asked me over for dinner tonight and, as I’m otherwise engaged I said I’d go and see her for lunch instead.”

Katie chuckled slightly “Ok, how was court?” “Same as usual.” he said, climbing into the car “Done now so…” “Ok, well, I’ll see you soon.” “You in the office?” “Yeah.” she replied.

“Ears?” “Everywhere.” Steve smirked to himself “Love you.” “Back at ya.” she said before she cut the call.

It didn’t’ take him long to navigate the lunchtime traffic to his Ma’s place. He locked the car and headed up the steps on the stoop, unlocking the door into the tiled hallway.

“Ma?” he called and she appeared in the kitchen door.

“Hey son.” she smiled as he bent to kiss her cheek. “You look smart.”

“Court,” he replied as means of explanation. “Something smells good?”

“It’s just chicken Caesar salad.” she said, watching as Steve undid the cuffs on his shirt and rolled the sleeves up to his elbows. “You look just like your father when you do that.” she said fondly.

Steve smiled at her and then, as she waved away his offer of help he pulled a jug of water from the fridge, setting it on the table before the two of them sat down to eat.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get over this weekend.” Steve looked at his ma “It was kind of hectic…”

Hectic as in he had spent most of it with Katie either in bed or slobbing on the couch as they ran Bucky through her ridiculous list of ex Boston, Africa or Hong Kong based boyfriends...

“Oh don’t be silly.” Sarah waved away his apologies, her Irish lilt taking on an amused tone “You’re a grown ass man now Steven, you don’t need to be visiting your ma every Sunday.” “No, I know but I like to.” he shrugged. Sarah merely smiled before she took a bit of her food.

“So, what are you doing tonight then?”

“I err…” Steve hesitated for a moment, debating brushing the question off, but he knew it wouldn’t work. His mother could always tell when he was lying. Actually, most people could, because he was shit at it. “I have a date.” he finished, a little shyly.

Sarah choked on her food slightly as she looked at him “A date? You?” Steve rolled his eyes “Is it really that hard to believe?” “I don’t mean it like that…” “Well it kinda sounds like that’s what you mean…” “No, no… I’m just…well, I’m surprised that’s all.” Sarah said, looking at him.

“You don’t look surprised.” Steve raised his eyebrow “You look disappointed.”

Sarah took a deep breath and sighed “Ok, well, maybe I was kinda hoping that you and…” she trailed off and shook her head, “actually, it doesn’t matter. I’m pleased you’re getting out there again, after Peggy.” Steve knew full well what she had been about to say and he couldn’t stop the grin spreading across his face as his Ma looked at him.

“You’ll like her Ma.” he said “She’s amazing. Bit sassy at times but, she likes apple pie…” Sarah looked at her son, frowning for a second before her eyes grew wide “No, you’re…” Steve grinned again as Sarah’s hand flew to her mouth “Star…you mean…” He nodded. “Yeah, we…we’re gonna give it a go. A proper one this time.” “Oh Steve…” she said with a slight splutter, her eyes misting up “Son, I’m…” “Ma…” he sighed, as she wiped her eyes “Come on…”

“I’m just…”she took a deep breath “Well I know how long you’ve waited for this laddy, you’ve been in love with that girl for 10 years now.” Steve flushed slightly and looked down at his plate of food. “Took me a while to realise it though huh?” “Well sometimes you have to take the long way round to reach your destination.” Sarah said wisely, squeezing Steve’s hand “Just makes it all the more sweet when you finally arrive.”

**** "V" Bucky exclaimed.

"It's not your turn!” Wanda protested, pouting "It's Clint's. Clint, go."

"V" Clint shrugged.

"Ok. There's one V." Wanda sighed and turned to write a letter V on one of the slots.

It was lunch time and they had decided to relax and have a nice time while they waited for Thor to come back with their food. Clint had suggested moving to the briefing room for lunch so that they could use the whiteboard there to play Hangman. He and Bucky had hoped a bit of bonding time with the team would put a stop at the bickering between Wanda and Katie for a while. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Would Steve have been there, they wouldn't have dreamt of going in there for lunch. But you know what they say, while the cat is away, the mice will play.

"Greetings morons!" Thor announced his presence as he appeared in the doorway "I've come bearing gifts" he added as he lifted both his hands showing the team the plastic bags which contained their subs and drinks. Everyone moved to get their food and the blonde haired officer’s eyes flicked around the room and a grin spread across his face.

"Were you playing hangman?" he asked, observing the whiteboard carefully, as his team mates ravaged the plastic bags.

"Yes" Katie said before she began to unwrap her sandwich.

“Huh…” he said, pulling his own food out of the bag. Bucky watched Thor as he looked at the letters on the board, and snorted. None of them had a clue what Wanda had written, there was no chance Bungalow was going to get it. Bucky took a bit of his sub and turned towards Katie and Natasha who were, in between bites, now discussing something they’d both seen on TV the night before, when Thor’s booming voice cut across the room.

"Is that Sokovia?" he asked, still looking at the whiteboard.

Everyone stopped eating and turned their attention to where he was sat in the far left of the room. Wanda drew a frustrated breath as Natasha spoke.

"What do you mean?"

"The word. On the whiteboard?" Thor explained himself.

"Yes." Wanda admitted, clearly a bit pissed at Thor blowing up her mysterious word. Bucky was pretty sure she had been confident no one would guess it, which meant she would win and would get her work done by whichever member of the team she picked for an entire workday.

"How do you even...?" Katie looked at Thor, an amused grin on her face.

"Yeah. And who the hell is Sokovia?" Bucky asked not trusting him.

"Where to start? Umm..." Thor began, throwing the foil from the sandwich he had already eaten to the bin by the whiteboard "Sokovia is not a person. It is a landlocked country in South-West Europe. It has had a rough history." He stopped and saw everyone was looking at him, all utterly confused and perplexed but decided to continue anyway "It's nowhere special, but it's on the way to everywhere special."

Clint and Natasha looked at one another and then at Wanda who shrugged and said "He's right."

"So..." Bucky began to say "I guess Thor has won the game."

"Yup." Katie grinned at Thor. Bucky knew she was relieved Wanda hadn't won. Everyone in the room knew who would be biting the dust if she had.

"I'd like a Bloody Mary." Thor chuckled and Katie let out a loud laugh.

"Wait there, buddy." Clint spoke "You weren't even playing so you didn't win shit."

"He's right." Natasha quipped.

“No he isn’t…” Katie began to protest, but Clint cut her off.

"I am totally right Stark. And I was the last to guess a letter so it's my turn." Clint stated standing up from his chair.

"Who says that?" Bucky asked munching his lunch.

"I didn't make the rules, Buck Buck. So keep eating and watch the professionals do their thing. All-righty, let's spice this shit up." the detective said grabbing the eraser and cleaning the whiteboard as he spoke.

"Ok. This is the last one." Wanda said "Steve will be here any minute."

Katie glared at her as the red haired woman checked the time on her wristwatch with a smile plastered on her face.

"You can't wait, can you? Bitch." Katie muttered and Bucky shot her a shut up and relax look. She sighed and folded her arms, slumping back in the chair.

"Ok. Ready?" Clint asked once he had finished drawing the lines for the letters of the word "Let the Hunger Games begin! Whosever be worthy shall haveth the power!" Clint said in a deep voice wielding the whiteboard marker.

“That’s not…that’s not the Hunger Games...” Natasha looked at him and Clint shrugged.

"Can I start?" Bucky asked.

"Please be my guest." Clint replied

"N" Bucky quipped.

"Three Ns for the gentleman!" Clint said ceremoniously as he wrote the letters. "Who's next?"

"S" Wanda said.

"Ok. There's one S, young lady. Next?"

"G" Katie and Natasha spoke at the same time, exchanging a smirk

"Oh, this is gonna be beautiful." Katie added smiling.

Bucky saw Natasha and Katie look at each other mischievously as Clint wrote the letter G in its slot.

"Thor you're next." Clint informed the man who stared at the whiteboard for a couple of seconds before asking

"Really, Barton? Cunnilingus?" Thor arched an eyebrow.

"Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner ladies and gentlemen!" Clint yelled laughing.

"Hey. That's a made up word." Bucky protested

"All words are made up." Thor offered with a smug smile.

"I mean, it isn't a thing." Bucky explained himself.

"Maybe you don't need to do it. But it is a thing." Katie told Bucky nudging him.

Bucky glanced at her as she winked at him, still none the wiser but then the joking nature around the room was shattered.

"Stark would know, she gets a lot, apparently." Wanda said, examining her fingernails.

"What the fuck did you just say?" Katie growled, beginning to stand up. But Bucky was fast and grabbed her by her arm as Wanda merely turned to her, shrugging. Natasha hastily began to divert the conversation, giving Bucky chance to calm the Sergeant next to him.

“One more wise crack, so help me God…”

"For fuck's sake, leave it. You got the man." Bucky hissed only for Katie to hear.

"He isn't a fucking prize to be won, Bucky." Katie hissed back, rather hotly.

"Well, would you just relax?" Bucky tried to appease her.

Katie sighed and her lips clamped together. She looked down at the table and Bucky saw she was fiddling with her fingers under the table.

"It's just.... I've waited so long for this and I dunno... She's coming along now and..." Katie trailed.

"I know, doll face." Bucky said rubbing her thigh "Just try to keep it cool, ok?"

Bucky saw Katie nod in agreement and both turned to look at their team mates who were now immersed in a discussion about a word in Latin not being allowed in the game.

"Cunnilingus is not just a word. It's a right." Natasha spoke up winking and Bucky heard Katie snort and was pleased to see the cheeky grin was back on her face.

"Well, hello sister." Katie said and high-fived Natasha.

The two of them began to snigger, but as Bucky watched Wanda’s entire body language changed and she jumped up off her chair, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"Oh, hi!" she said, eyes gazing towards the door, huge smile on her face..

Bucky turned around to see Steve dressed in his suit, no tie, leaning on the briefing room doorframe.

"What's going on?" he asked and then his eyes fell on the whiteboard and his face contorted as he read the word written on it. "For fuck's sake. Everybody get back to work. Now!" he hollered.

Wanda pretty much scrambled after him whilst everyone stood up immediately, Natasha, Clint and Thor sharing a look. Katie’s eyes were fixed on Wanda as she moved past Steve, smiling at him. Steve nodded in response and then turned his head to look at his girl as everyone else walked out of the briefing room. She was last to leave, and he saw her gaze flick up and down his body for a second before her eyes locked onto his. She followed behind Bucky and just as she was about to walk past him she whispered "Relax, Captain."

With a sigh Steve watched his team heading down the corridor, more or less in silence well aware he had probably just ruined any feel-good factor they’d built. Striding after them he headed into his office, closing the door behind him. He shrugged off his jacket and draped it over the back of his chair before he sank down into the black leather seat rubbing at his eyes. He’d just turned on his laptop when he heard a knock on the door. Lifting his eyes, he saw Bucky poking his head through a gap in the door.

"Can I come in, or you gonna rip my head off?" Bucky asked

"Of course you can, Buck." Steve sighed.

"You need to chill your beans, punk. It was lunchtime. Everyone has been stressed..." Bucky said sitting on the chair in front of Steve's desk. “No harm done…”

"I know... " Steve trailed as he rubbed his temples “Anyway, we made any progress?” Bucky quickly filled him in on Katie’s latest theory and that they were working it. Steve felt a small smile creep across his face, his girl was fucking clever.

“So…” Bucky eyed him “You gonna tell me what that whole Captain Ass-hat display was about? And don’t tell me you’re just tired because we both know you, and I quote ‘slept like a baby’ last night…” Steve hesitated a little before he signed, knowing full well there was no point in lying.

"I'm nervous, Buck."

"I knew it…about the date, right?" Bucky smiled fondly at his friend who looked at him frowning. "Katie told me earlier." he explained and Steve smiled back.

“Yeah, and I know it’s ridiculous, I mean after everything we’ve already…you know, and…” “Look, just relax and have a good time.” Bucky shrugged. “Make sure she's spoilt, Steve. She deserves it"

"Why do you say that? Is everything okay?" Steve asked frowning, suddenly concerned. He had only seen Katie for a few minutes after he got back but she had seemed pretty cool with him despite his little outburst.

"Well, Wanda has been pushing her buttons again." Bucky explained and Steve groaned in response. "And I don't think she's as secure about all this as she makes out.." Bucky continued but was interrupted by Steve.

"She's got nothing to worry about, Buck."

"I know that. Make sure she does." Bucky said before pushing himself up out of his chair.

Steve watched him and saw Bucky grimace in horror once he was fully stood.

"What's up, jerk?" Steve asked.

"I didn't touch your desk, did I? Steve, tell me I didn't touch your desk." Bucky said anxiously before heading for the door, shoulders shaking slightly with mirth.

Steve made a noise in his throat and grabbing a pen, launched it at Bucky. “"What makes you think it was the desk and not the chair you were sitting on?" he yelled as Bucky ran out of the office laughing.

CONTINUED IN PART 2

[blaster-aichi]

Cardfight!! Vanguard Extra Story IF 14 things

links lead to images posted on discord because this post is already far too absurdly long, have too many thoughts, what a rollercoaster ride this was

Shuka’s opening a gateway into the past beneath herself and Emi indicted Link Joker Gate flashbacks because of its appearance

If it wasn’t demonstrated prior to this episode, it’s apparent how Aichi is far more malicious than any incarnation of past (i.e. his soldiers ready to maim or straight up murder Emi and Shuka , having Kai-kun abducted; whether either was 100% intended to occur the way they did is anyone’s guess)

Miwa as a Sanctuary Knight: there’s two points to this          — it’s an astonishing turn as he was part of the Mates during Legion Mate — the season which many people have acknowledged the parallels to — but working beneath Aichi turns that on its head as well as the implication that Aichi’s force was concentrated around the Miyaji Cardfight Club, as well as giving a fifth member to his faction in similar vein to Kourin of Legion Mate.         — it splits up the Kai/Miwa/Ibuki trio down the same lines as Ultra Rare; Suiko and Ibuki being firmly aligned with Emi while Kourin and Miwa fall under Aichi’s command. Rekka and Kai-kun would serve as unaccounted for, though it’s more clear-cut in his case, as Rekka made her appearance and her allegiance known at the same time as Kourin entered the fray, as well as already fighting on the side of restoring the timeline to its proper state before Suiko was pulled into activity.         — and it was foreshadowed right before our eyes when they announced IF 14 would be centred around Kai-kun.

"Whenever I hear the name "Toshiki Kai”, for some reason, I get chills”. It’s a strange statement with his behaviour later in the episode, seeming to recognize and feign friendliness with Ibuki and Kai-kun. The only possibility can think of for this line is Miwa, like Aichi and Emi (and the rest of the Sanctuary Knights), is his Outside World self pulled into IF World and his memories tampered with, he might be privy enough to his relationship with the other two for the sake of his act when meeting with them.

Kai-kun hugging Ibuki with no restraint. Rena down. Fuck that’s so soft.

9 years of being dead or arseholes who abandoned their child, we get Mama and Papa and the whole family is adorable! Mama Kai and Shizuka would get along so well, they’re two peas in a pod aaaaa        — Toshi also pointed how out the Kai family love of curry persists to this day and god bless.

me last night on call with Courtney: “There has to be a reason why Aichi hates Vanguard specifically just because of not meeting Kai-kun. It wouldn’t be any more significant than literally anything else. Hey, Aichi, why not hate rock music instead or something?” Kai-kun’s room: this kid loves rock, how dare you

Said room also makes it feel like the show is saying Vanguard/Aichi ruined Kai-kun’s life as opposed to, you know, his parents abandoning him. Bushi no—

It took just his name. That was it.

The static within the audio around Aichi is a neat touch when there feels to be a theme of glitching in the ED and it isn’t as though either reality is “wrong”, just distorted.

Just how they go about instilling memories of Aichi in comparison to Legion Mate is fascinating. In Legion Mate, the Mates were able to cleanly remember as their fights progressed and able to accept that Aichi existed prior to the season; we don’t know the extent of the changes to their lives as a result of his disappearance, but here is a different story. Kai-kun’s entire life has been altered as a result of the distortion and he isn’t able to simply see Aichi in his memories and realize that someone is missing from his past, and it takes a toll on him for these conflicting memories from another life to present themselves to him.

One has to wonder what Shizuka is going through in regards to Aichi vanishing, but also what Kai-kun’s parents must think if they were to investigate the commotion coming from his room suddenly to see him and everyone else gone and the disarray left from just how they left.

IF being the seemingly most lighthearted season with the darkest cliffhanger (topping even Link Joker and Legion Mate, because nothing comes to mind that could honestly match this), even if we know they would never dare kill off Kai-kun but the insinuation for the characters that he could be dead is chilling, particularly when they consist of his childhood friends, young girls and the root being a boy seeking him out, whose intentions around it we don't know and whom we've seen destablize (albeit in another continuity) when it comes to Kai-kun, so imagine the ramification and what it could do to his state of mind (or Ibuki, Miwa, Emi and Shuka’s, for that matter)  if they really did play with the idea of killing him off.

Horizontal Oath

God bless this ED, it’s so good

There’s a lot in here about the clashing realities around Kai-kun and it’s nice to know the season isn’t overlooking the incredibly weighted implications of putting him in this position.

The fire spurning to life, while a nice nod to his usual choice of Kagero an its absence in his current life, could also be representative that, while he has many hobbies in his IF life, Vanguard is where his passion truly lies above all, as he grips it and contemplates the people who should be around him.

Emi, Ibuki and Miwa occupying the same spots in the frames they exist in is a neat choice.

Kai rushing towards the light/Blaster Blade only for the card to vanish as his fingers nears it screams of midpoint Legion Mate where the Mates finally got a glimpse of Aichi, to hear his own request that they give up. As the preview shows them in the same location, it’s possible 15 will serve as the first, failed attempt to bring Aichi back to his senses and force the group to pick themselves up and try again in the same way the Leon episodes served in Legion Mate, signified by the repeated animation usage when Kai-kun runs towards Blaster Blade a second time.

The price Kai-kun is going to pay is not being overlooked. To restore the timeline, it’s apparent that he’ll have to sacrifice his IF life and parents, inflicting unto him the anguish of his original Manga/Reboot continuity life and the hardships that came with it  The darkness that emanates from his younger self and the glimpses of that original life as he kneels demonstrates that, while he might accept that outcome, it’s not about to be an easy task, understandable.       — Initially had suspected from the preview for 14 that this issue might be raised with him and he would reject erasing everything he knows and have to be brought around to the idea, but the ED actually refutes this, as he faces everything head-on.       — In doing so, it speaks to his character and the strength to allow this incredibly high price, as by relinquishing everything he knows, he’s able to regain the friends he made through Vanguard even with the knowledge of the pain and strife that he’ll endure and allow Emi to have her family back, even at the cost of his own.       — Additionally, as the shot closes in on him and he yells/roars, it appears he could be in pain from having to surrender this version of himself and his life; but ultimately does so as he fades while Dragonic Overlord becomes the more dominant face, signifying his reclaiming his Vanguard and his original life.

This resolve to allow the timeline to be returned to its rightful state also comes through beneath the starry sky that corrects itself, with Kai-kun standing at the back of Emi’s group, the only one of them fated to disappear by setting things right. Though the camera continues on past him, towards the light that grows brighter and consumes everything — perhaps a symbol of the corrected timeline taking hold — he doesn’t so much as glance back, but looks ahead to the sky, even with the reality that he and his world will be no more.

[2012 Fanguard voice] Bench-chan lives on.

Numerous people in YouTube comments remarked that Horizontal Oath amplifies the Legion Mate atmosphere and its emphasis on Kai-kun whilst doing so is notable. As that was his journey to bring Aichi back and the current is Emi’s, the shift in tone with this new ED and new arc incorporating him heavily is a nice reflection of that when the OP remains the same.      — There is an implication, though, that Emi might start to fall back from the protagonist role, as she appears far more passive in the ED while Kai-kun stands front and centre. When the two of them and Shuka are standing in a field, Emi’s feet are surrounded by shade, and when looking to the sun, she stands on the edge of the formation, seeming far more distant. At the same time, Shuka is on the other side, both of the group as a whole and Kai-kun specifically, with her back to the others. Her guilt has been an enormous factor since the truth of her actions came to light and how they weigh on her, but this feels as though her attention shifting away from Emi and towards Kai-kun as a means of atoning for her mistake.     — Going to be hopeful that they can balance what Aichi means to Emi and Kai-kun in similar vein to Kai-kun and Naoki of Legion Mate, so that they both share an equal part in the fight going forward.

IF 15

Thank goodness, we’re getting answers about Aichi, Takuto and the Sanctuary Knights, let’s go.

Aichi pointing a sword at Ibuki and (Kourin) opening up a fissure beneath the both of them — and right in front of Kai-kun — is a stark contrast to the Aichi(s) we’ve known until now, as how he was seen by Kai-kun was something of great importance to him, but depending on the context of the scene, it’s apparent that this version of him gives no fucks about anything of the sort.

Something that’s been on my mind within the last week is that, aside from the scene in the forest when he was acting seemingly normal, Aichi’s right eye is never detailed beneath his visor, or even when he overrode Majesty Lord (typically, his hair doesn’t completely conceal his eye while in a unit). The theories that came to mind were heterochromia, like Voidkuto, a permanent Psyqualia glow or it’s completely blank in typical possession/brainwashed fashion (or some sort of visual cue pertaining to the fact that a great deal is off about him) but by putting on the airs of normality, he was able to mask it as a normal eye when meeting with Shuka.

[armyvetswife]

My 2 cents worth on Kdramas

So, earlier this year (2018) my 12-year-old granddaughter turned me on to Kdramas.

Started out with 'Boys over Flowers' in January and we're still arguing about which one of the guys Jan-Di should have ended up with....Gu Jun-Pyo or Yoon Ji-Hoo. Since I'm a sucker for the whole Soul Mate thing (been married to my own soul mate for over 30 years) and Ji-Hoo became my favorite right from the start, I actually wasn't too happy with the way things turned out in the end.

But that's all beside the point and the only thing that matters is that it only took this one series to get me completely and absolutely "hooked" on Kdramas.

Since Kim Hyun Joong became my first favorite as Ji-Hoo, I started looking up other parts he starred in and came across 'Inspiring Generation'. Wow! What a difference! The character of Shin Jung-Tae is just about as opposite of Ji-Hoo as it can possibly get. But I guess that's what makes a truly great actor, and Kim Hyun Joong was simply amazing playing the part....even though it bothered me to see that handsome face getting beat up way too much.

But then it was also 'Inspiring Generation' where I found what would become my next favorite...Song Jae Rim, in the character of Mo Il-Hwa.

I can't quite pinpoint what it was that endeared me to that part, but of course I had to once again look for other Kdramas, featuring Song Jae Rim. And that's when I came across 'Moon embracing the Sun' with Song Jae Rim as the King's swordsman, Woon.

Absolutely loved Jae Rim in that part and still do, even after having watched the entire series about a dozen times by now. I also liked Song Jae Rim in 'Goodbye Mr. Black', even though his wasn't a main character role, but didn't care much for the part of a hitman/killer Mr. Kim he played in 'Two Weeks' since I really don't like my favs playing "bad guys". Of course, watching 'Two Weeks' made me find another new favorite...Lee Joon Gi

Okay, so I just said I don't like my favs playing "bad guys", but the main character, Jang Tae-San, isn't really a bad "bad guy" and if that story doesn't tear up your heart, then you better check if you still have one.

I actually had to do something I usually NEVER do...about half-way through the series I had to watch the final episode to see how it turns out, just so my old nerves could take watching the rest of the story. Yeah, I know...terrible, isn't it? Don't worry, I got more than an earful about it from my granddaughter, and I promise to never do it again! ;)

But while I thought that it could not possibly get any better than Lee Joon Gi's performance in 'Two Weeks', I quickly found out that I was wrong when I watched 'Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo' next. OH, MY...!!! Not only is Joon Gi with long hair pure eye-candy (to me at least), but he absolutely nailed the part of Prince Wang So. 

Ladies, how many of you were ready to strangle Wang So's mother with your bare hands. I definitely was! And what's the big deal about that scar? I guess it's because Princes had to be "perfect", but come on...  Scars are just proof that you were stronger than whatever or whoever it was that tried to kill you. And apparently back then the phrase "chicks dig scars" was unheard of. And also apparently I'm not the only one who wasn't happy at all with the way the story ended, considering there are numerous fan videos on YouTube with different, happier endings. I got more than just a little upset with Hae Soo for leaving Wang So. How could she not see that he was trying his best to NOT become some blood-thirsty tyrant??

Anyway, after only about 3 days of some serious editing work, the final episode in my own DVD collection of 'Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo' has a much happier ending now...many thanks to Daria Zyuzina who created the wonderful fan video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj0r9zE5Le8) where Wang So finds Hae Soo in the future. And like so many other fans, I'm also still hoping for a Season 2 with this kind of scenario.

On another note to 'Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo'... aside from the despicable character of Queen Yoo (Prince Wang So's mother, who treats him like s**t), my other least-favorite character is Prince Wang Yo (Wang So's biological brother, and also a son of Queen Yoo). However, while I hated the character, actor Hong Jong Hyun did an excellent job portraying the mean, spiteful, conniving 3rd Prince. But if you're like me, you would much more enjoy seeing Hong Jong Hyun in the role of Wang Rin in 'The King in Love'

or, even better, as Seo Chan Hwi, the vice-commander of the Royal Guard in 'Jeon Woo Chi'

(that is, if you can get into things like wizards and magic and tolerate some occasionally slightly over-done special effects of people flying through the air and such...BUT at least in 'Jeon Woo Chi' ONLY the wizards have that ability, unlike in some of the Chinese dramas where seemingly anybody can have such super-human abilities...if you ever watched 'General and I', you might understand what I'm talking about... I couldn't make it past a trailer that had a fight scene between Chu Beijie and He Xia, but that's just me, I guess).

As far as wizards and magic are concerned, however, I did very much enjoy the ones in 'Mirror of the Witch' aka 'Secret Healer' and my favorite character there ended up being the Taoist Yo Gwang, played by Lee Yi Kyung.

Don't ask me why, I just found him adorable (maybe because he was so awkward, dealing with the girl  Soon Deuk who clearly has a crush on him). SPOILER ALERT -- 'Mirror of the Witch' has a rather bitter-sweet ending!

I want to get back to Lee Joon Gi for a moment since I just finished the 'Lawless Lawyer' series....which is an excellent nail-biter and I had to seriously restrain myself NOT TO watch the final episode first again. If you've seen it, tell me is it just me or did you think too that Joon Gi looked too skinny in that series? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying at all that he looked "bad" in any way and his performance was awesome as usual...I just felt that he looked like he'd lost a whole bunch of weight and "celebrity life" was taking its toll on him. Kind of worries me, because I would definitely like to see him in many more future performances.

I still have some Lee Joon Gi binge-watching left over for now, since the only other movies and series I made it through so far were 'Iljimae', 'Arang and the Magistrate', 'Gunman in Joseon' and of course 'The King and the Clown' (which was way too sad for my taste). But most likely 'Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo' will always be my absolute favorite and I'll keep hoping for a 2nd season...even though that will probably just remain wishful thinking for myself and many others, but we can always hope, right?

Some of my other favs I’d like to mention would be Kwak Dong Yeon as swordsman Kim Byung-Yeon in 'Moonlight drawn by Clouds' aka 'Love in the Moonlight'

and he also played an excellent part as young Shin Jung-Tae in 'Inspiring Generation'.

Then there is Seo In Guk for his outstanding performances as Prince Gwang-Hae in 'The King's Face'

and also as Lee Hyun / David Lee in 'I Remember You' aka 'Hello Monster'.

An excellent yet unfortunately somewhat overlooked performance of Kim Jae Young as Moo-Yeon in ‘100 Days my Prince’

And last (for now) but certainly not least is Jung Il Woo whose sad role as Prince Yang-Myung in 'Moon embracing the Sun' cost me plenty of tissues,

but required even more of them in 'The Return of Iljimae' (even though it has a happier ending for Jung Il Woo’s character)

I'll probably get "yelled at" for saying this, but I honestly have a hard time deciding whom I liked better...Lee Joon Gi as Iljimae in 'Iljimae: The Phantom Thief', or Jung Il Woo as Iljimae in 'The Return of Iljimae'. (Sorry, Joon Gi, but be assured that you'll still always be my #1 fav).

So, thanks to my granddaughter, back to some more binge-watching...hey, I got to blame someone else for things not getting done around the house, right? ;)

[charmingturkeysandwich]

On Series Finales

(I need to get this out of my head)

(I have so much to say about narrative structure vs. audience opinion)

People always have very strong opinions on series finales. Obviously. It’s the culmination of years of investment in something. Because of this you’re never going to make 100% of people happy. Each of us is invested for different reasons; we connect with different characters. What we “like” is always going to differ. 

That doesn’t mean that calling something a “bad” finale is all about taste or who you ship or stan or what have you. Sometimes the episode simply fails the narrative it built. Being disappointed in something because of a narrative failure can’t be written off as “you just wanted a happy ending and that was never going to happen.” Especially with modern dramas, bittersweet is the happiest we can really hope for. Even comedies usually have some painful episodes leading to the end. I don’t think anyone is expecting TV shows these days to end like Disney movies. Hell, Disney movies sometimes don’t end like Disney movies anymore.

Anyway, enough babbling. Here’s the thing: in fiction - as in life - expectations are everything. Many writing choices the writers, directors, and producers make will set up these expectations. When they’re not met, people are cranky. And for valid reasons.

1. Where you start a story is important. 

An often ridiculed series finale is How I Met Your Mother. The pilot focuses on Ted falling immediately in love with Robin. And the “twist” is all “oh, that’s not your mom; that’s Aunt Robin!” But there’s a reason it started there. Yes, technically, you can argue the reason is because Ted ran into the mother at Robin’s wedding, so meeting Robin was important. But they chose to continue to focus on Robin/Ted the whole fucking series. So technically it made sense narratively for him to come back to her in the end. Somewhere along the way I tweeted the show and said it should be called How I Met Your Aunt Robin, because it truly was more about her than the mother. So, yes, people were pissed when she died and it was “all for nothing.” But despite the title... it was never really her story. So in this way, I defend the ending. It fit the story that they told. They began with Robin. They continued to focus on Robin. Why wouldn’t he “end up with” Robin?

2. Pacing matters - and heavily influences expectations

In How I Met Your Mother, you have a day-to-day, usual kind of sitcom for 7 seasons. Then all of a sudden, a 48-hour span of time is spread out for an entire season! This was jarring and I found it to be tedious. Jack Bauer is not here; the world is not at risk. We do not need a minute by minute account of these two days. In this way, I think the whole last season is a disappointment. 

It also served to adjust our expectations. OK I just watched 20 episodes of how much Barney loves Robin - this must mean something. NOPE! Divorced in one episode. An episode, mind you, where they flew through years of their lives. After drawing out two days. For a whole season. They put a couple decades in, like, a half hour. In this way, How I Met Your Mother failed narratively. The pacing sucked and it made us expect something different from the finale. In this regard, I fucking hated that show and want my time back.

Pacing is super important to Game of Thrones, AKA the reason I can’t get series finale essays from running through my head. You’re set up in a world that is medieval-esque. There are no airplanes and Ubers and the magic doesn’t seem to have evolved into teleportation or the like. Everything was slow in the beginning, for many seasons. Conversations were at the forefront. It was  a social game. It was about the people, first and foremost, even though the stupid sword-y chair was important, too. That was the plot. Likewise, in the beginning, people weren’t protected by plot armor. Remember, GoT so fantastically shattered our collective expectations for a show, but in the most organic, realistic way. We were carrying the expectations of other dramas with us and projecting them on this show, assuming Ned was “safe” because he was our lens - at least, more so than anyone else. He was the protagonist! He might be tortured, but he surely wasn’t going to be beheaded. Wrong! He was. That and its fallout allowed us as viewers to fully commit to a whole new set of expectations.

But then as time went on, travel just kind of... happened. Things that should have taken a whole season happened in a scene! And with no kind of acknowledgement. Additionally, that initial slowness built us up to have HUGE payoffs. Think of all the tiny things that led to the disaster/amazing episode that included the Red Wedding. They built us up and they met that slow burn hype. In later seasons, they have ridiculous outward hype over the white walkers and Night King, over confrontations between Cercei and her potential killers (Jamie, Arya, etc.) The pacing led us to believe that these things would conclude in a deep and meaningful way that justifies the time we spend watching and theorizing on our own. When you suddenly hit fast forward through the good stuff, it’s jarring! And you lose character development.

And, oh, the plot armor thing. We were led to believe this show wasn’t like other shows. No one was safe. So someone please explain to me how exactly half (or more) of the named characters survived the battle with the undead?! Sam was basically crying in a pile of bodies. Jon was hiding behind a rock from the Ice Dragon who had just blue-flamed down a giant fucking wall. Brienne and Jamie had been on the front lines of that second wave. But their (and others’) plot armor was simply too strong. We were betrayed by the “new” expectations that I, for one, deeply respected. Gore is not my thing - I often had to look away and hum through certain scenes over the seasons - but to know that there were always consequences and that the stakes were always high and unpredictable... that’s what made this titty-fest bloodbath worth it! Take away its uniqueness from all other shows, and you’re just left with some really violent almost-porn. 

3. We watch your show for characters, not shock value

OK, yes, some people enjoy the big reveals and that’s kind of why they signed up to begin with. My brother cannot get over some of the CGI scenes and battles, so I get it. But for the most part, every story is rooted in the characters. You could take the most exciting story on the planet, in the most intricate world, but if you put boring ass people in it, no one will care. We’re invested in the characters and we want them to be consistent. And if they change... well they better change slowly, the way that actual people usually do. Redemption arcs are common in fiction - more common than in real life, sadly - and they can really pay off. As can whatever you call the opposite of that. Falls from grace? I’m not sure. Either way - slow is key here. Drop hints. Build it into their character. It’s a gruesome comparison, but if a frog jumps into boiling water, he jumps back out; if he’s in cool water and you gradually heat it up he will eventually boil to death. This is how falls from grace should occur. The character doesn’t just jump into boiling water. It doesn’t hold up.

Dany is obviously the big one here. I’m not arguing that it would be possible for her to become the Mad Queen and torch King’s Landing. But I’m saying that maybe at least a time or two before her little tolling bells meltdown we should see her saying “fuck the innocent people.” We should have seen her violence spreading beyond people who deserved it. The writers should have presented us with more moments that signaled she cared more about power than actually breaking the wheel. Her character was too consistent for too long (go back to pacing and expectations and where the story began) for her to have a turn like that and for it to be satisfying and accepted.

Similarly, Jamie’s abandoned redemption arc didn’t make sense to me. Drop us some hints that he’s still hateful above all else, maybe, before you have him just up and revert at the mention of Cercei dying... a thing he clearly had to realize was coming well before that moment.

There were complaints about this same thing with Barney from HIMYM, along the lines of “seriously we sat through a season of him redeeming himself (and truly, he started before that) just to watch him go back to banging any under 30 with daddy issues an episode later?” Honestly, that one makes a little more sense. He was problematic even at his best! And they did show that he tried to not be that guy - he and Robin were married for a year or two (offscreen, of course) before the divorce. The biggest problem with HIMYM wasn’t the characters - it was the pacing! It changed our expectations and left many disappointed. 

And finally, For God’s sake you don’t always need a crazy twist.

And maybe this falls to the producers and not the writers. They want viewers. They want coverage. They want listicles on Buzzfeed. And both HIMYM and GoT got them! But at what cost? The reason we didn’t get any lead up to Dany turning is because they wanted to shock us. The reason that they didn’t have some of the strongest theories come true is because they wanted to shock us. Shock has been used well in this series to this point. Masterfully, even! But this wasn’t masterful. This was the showrunners playing God instead of letting things happen organically. Some twists make sense after you look back and notice the buried hints. Some twists make sense because there were things that you as the audience didn’t know yet. But other twists are only shocking because they’re out of character, unrealistic, or just plain dumb. We didn’t get much after the twists except some speeches that honestly sounded like the showrunners themselves speaking to defend their choices. Awkward.

Another series finale that disappointed many fans with its twist was Lost. I never watched, but, I mean, if I watched a whole series just to have it never have been real, I would have been pissed. I was terrified that OUaT was going to do that - that in the finale we’d find out it had all been a dream little Emma was having at a group home or some shit. Fans are invested in long-running series - especially those with supernatural/sci-fi words - and to pull the rug out from under them like that is just... rude. And massively disappointing. You mean we speculated ourselves to death for nothing?! 

What people want from a series finale is an ending of this chapter of the characters’ lives that honors the past and acknowledges the future. There’s a reason that series finales often do something to bring it “back to the beginning.” It’s satisfying! I love that the last thing that we saw the Friends do is go get coffee together. That’s how it started! But after that coffee, they were off to the next part of their lives. I love when they get a little self-aware/meta in the last episode, like when Cory says, “Boy Meets World, now I get it.” And then he and Topanga were moving to New York City. Back to the beginning/the roots... but also going somewhere new.

My point in all this is simple: usually when there’s a massive uproar over a series finale, it’s not just petty people being mad their fave didn’t get the ending they wanted. It’s usually a sign of a problem in the writing, whether it be the writing of that last episode or of the series in general. 

Everyone’s opinions are valid and their feelings are real. But when the writing is bad/lazy/shoddy/too focused on a few scenes they’d clearly imagined before writing the finale/clearly leaving certain plot holes or opportunities for spinoffs even when it doesn’t necessarily make sense... people notice.

(And, oh, do they let you know it.)

[a-spell-a-rebel-yell]

finally experiencing what does it feel like to pass out... almost.

so, hello. hi anons, eyes of the public, the FBI agents spying on me through my laptop webcam, you, everyone...

this is going to be the first post i put up here, in my second tumblr, which will be more concentrated in posting things happening in the life—especially now that i’m about to dive into the hard life of co-assistant, next step into becoming a dentist (yay!). not sure if i’m going to post frequently, but i guess having a much wider platform to write things in might do me good. caution though, everything written here are all un-beta-ed, so expect 857573458734587 typos.

so, back to our title: yes, i almost passed out/faint/lost consciousness, for the first time ever in twenty one years of my life.

today i did my periodontics module remedial, went well, just a case of a pregnant woman suffering bleeding and enlarged gums = pregnancy-induced gingival enlargement. easy peasy. went to the library (yes, again. i think i can safely say my second home is the library, i spent way too much of my free time there) to work on the clinical exposure homework, reading journals and getting buried under pounds heavy textbooks. easy peasy 2.0. then around twelve noon time i got my blood taken for hepatitis and HIV testing (standard procedure for students continuing their study as co-assistants) and things started going downhill from this.

as you all know, my anxiety is so easily triggered, and the idea of someone else inserting a needle into my arm is always making me nervous. but i’ve done this a whole lot of time before, so i kept reassuring myself things will go well—which indeed what truly happened. the nurse took a small cartridge of blood and that was it, the pain was minimum. got up, said thank you to the nurse & accompanying doctor, and left the room.

once i got out, i started to notice my heart pounding. faster than it normally would, but at that time i took little to no care about it, since it happens a lot when adrenaline is coursing in. took more steps towards the lift to go downstairs and do my Dhuhr prayer, but again i notice how my surroundings started to fade in and out, and this time the pounding on my heart reached its way up to my head, making things a lot more fuzzy. i decided to step down, half crouching on the floor to steady myself and shake out whatever was messing with my head. i remember asking my friend, “why do i feel dizzy?” that should’ve been a major red light but i didn’t care much because i still had way too many things to do and finish—i needed to go, no time worrying for myself. so i got up again, though slightly shaky, and entered the lift. and that was it.

everything started to turn into black and white, i lost control of my body and mind, i could no longer withhold my own weight, and—bam. i lost my vision, everything was pitch black, i couldn’t feel my limbs or arms, but i still could hear my friends calling out for me. i felt my friend’s arm wrapped around my waist, keeping me standing, since, mind you, we were in a lift full of people. thank God it was just a short journey from third floor to the ground floor, and my other friends were quick to summon a nurse and a wheelchair from the ER (this part is so embarrassing lol imagine turning into a human sized jelly with face as pale as a ghost in front of everyone). a little background, i was actually fasting today, as a part of the weekly Monday/Thursday fasting routine. silly me i didn’t even eat something for suhoor, the last time i ate something decent was around four in the afternoon yesterday. and today i had to get my blood taken??? what a risky, foolish bloody combo—no pun intended lol.

in the ER i got my blood sugar level tested, got 87 (normally 100), meaning i had to drink/eat something sweet as soon as possible. got oxygen stuffed into my nose with a cannula, been there but the sensation still felt outlandish to me. my blood pressure is low, 106/60 when normally it should be 120/80, the doctor said stress really got its toll on me. i refused to get intravena infusion because hello i almost passed out—in meds the term is syncope which means you haven’t really passed out yet and it’s just your nerves and blood pressure acting up so your body shuts itself down to save yourself from further damage—i’m never having needles inserted on me again on this dire time. my friends insisted that i need to go home, so they called my dad and he took me home.

now i’m on my bed, writing this while having many different Google Docs, scientific journals, and textbook PDFs opened in the next tabs because surprise, surprise: i still have a ton of things to do.

but anyways, moral of the day, no matter how much stuff you’re loaded with... always take care of your health. eat. drink. sleep. your health and your body got no price tag coming along with it, no amount of money can restore them back once the worst have happened. in much more positive light, i scored a lot of firsts today: first time experiencing a syncope episode and first time got treated in an ER for an actual emergency case. somehow, if i dare to say it, it’s almost fun to go through. hahaha :-)

a message to myself (or to you too if it applies): i know you gotta finish all of them in order to graduate and get your DDS degree just in time, but you need to sort out your priorities, make time for yourself too. let loose sometimes and be happy.

a simple plot, but i know one day, good things are coming our way.

[huntertales]

Part Two: Fate is a Cruel Mistress. (My Heart Will Go On S06E17)

Episode Summary: After Balthazar changes history and keeps the Titanic from sinking, Fate intervenes and begins killing those who would have died on the ship. Castiel tells the reader, Sam and Dean that Fate is upset with the three of them and the only way they can stay alive is to kill her. Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Word Count: 5,131.

Previous Part | Supernatural Rewrite Masterlist

Two dead bodies and a piece of gold string found at each crime scene, it was about the best lead you and the boys had going for. Along with the fact that the poor people had their lives cut short from a fatal “accident” that left you scratching your head in a bit of confusion. Nobody got beheaded by their garage door and it was more than just bad luck for someone to get choked by a fax machine after their keys somehow got misplaced behind there and their scarf got caught in the thing. But you had no valid proof something supernatural caused this to happen. There was no EMF to detect a pissed off spirit, no traces of sulfur or even a lingering smell and no hex bag to rat out a witch seeking a bit of revenge. All of it appeared to be accidental. But in the words of Dean himself, accidents just don’t happen “accidentally.”

You and the boys headed back to the motel to reevaluate the evidence that you did have and try to dig deeper on the family history of the two victims that was a little too squeaky clean. You decided while you sat at the table with Sam, both of your laptops open, and little help from the internet to guide you to an answer, there was somebody who might know something. When in doubt, you always called Bobby when you were in a pinch. But you were smart enough than to call him up when he was in such a mood. So you settled for the very next best thing—Ellen. She happily answered the phone when she noticed your incoming call.

You explained to Ellen about the situation going on, from the strange accidental deaths and the piece of gold thread pinched between your fingers. When she asked you to describe it, you tilted your head to the side and tried your hardest. “So, we found another piece of this, I don't know,” You shrugged your shoulders, not sure what kind of adjectives you could describe a piece of thread “Shiny string. It was at both scenes.”

"Oh, I was afraid of that." Ellen mumbled. You dropped the hand holding the string to the laptop keyboard, asking her why. "Oh, these so-called accidents—we're seeing 'em nationwide. About seventy-five so far. I got Jo and her crew working on a cluster in California."

"Blood relatives?" You presumed, wondering if this thing was a curse that was affecting families. But the biggest question was why people were dropping like flies because of some crazy accident. And why the hell a piece of string was left at each scene, like it was the calling card of some sick and twisted monster claiming its work.

“Some yeah, some no.” Ellen said. “She's got about what you do—pile of bodies and a whole bunch of gold thread.”

“So what's it mean?” You asked the woman.

“I don't know.” Ellen admitted. “I got Bobby working on it right now.”

You twirled the piece of string between your fingers and stared at your laptop screen, suddenly becoming worried at the mention of the man who had raised you since you were ten. You'd seen him with his ups and downs, but never bad as this. "How's he doing, by the way?" You curiously asked, trying your hardest not to worry Ellen from the sound of your voice.

“Oh, don't worry, Y/N.” Ellen reassured you. “I'm kicking his ass back to health and happiness.”

"Who asked you to? To hell with you." Bobby’s voice echoed from the other line, his crude and sarcastic attitude clear as day. The ends of your lips stretched into a faint smile deciding to take it as a sign he was doing all right. And you felt more reassured that he wouldn’t be alone during such a hard time in his life. Ever since Ellen had come into his life, she’d been nothing but good for him. And everyone else, too.

“I heard that.” You said, calling Bobby out on his rude behavior. Ellen chuckled at what unfolded and reassured you once again that he would be okay. But you knew Rufus’ untimely death didn’t just affect the older hunter. It was taking a toll on all of you. You couldn’t help but ask the woman out of concern, “Are you okay?”

"Aw, honey, you're sweet." Ellen mumbled. "You know me. I just worry about you boys."

"Yeah, well. We're all doing fine." You said. You looked up from your laptop screen to see Sam was diligently working on his laptop as Dean sat across the room on his bed, silently watching TV. You pushed yourself up to your feet and began walking over to Dean, taking the liberty to take a much needed break from your laptop and plopped yourself down on his bed. "All right, so, all these corpses, anything relate 'em?”

"Well, actually, I did dig up one thing. I just don't know what to make of it." Ellen. You hummed quietly, informing her that you were listening to what she had to say. You continued on the conversation while you mindlessly watched whatever sort of show Dean was watching. "Well, it's a weird one, and it was buried pretty deep, but Bobby and me were combing through the family trees on all the victims, and we started seeing, well, the families all came over to America the same year."

“Really? That is weird.” You noted.

"Yeah. 1912. But here's the real weird part.” Ellen said, getting to the part where you would get a kick out of. “They all came over on the same boat."

You furrowed your brow slightly, finding that bit of information way too strange for that to be a coincidence. That might be the connection to what was going on here. Only you had no possible information to make such a theory. “All right, so what's so special about the boat?”

“Nothing. It was a boat.” Ellen said. “It did what boats do.”

“What was it called?” You asked.

"The Titanic. Did you ever hear of it?" She wondered, you told her no. You weren't familiar with the name. If it was just a boat that sailed across the sea, then why the hell was it killing off its passengers families nearly a century later? And for no apparent reason, you might add. "Yeah, me neither. I'll keep digging."

You exchanged your goodbyes to the woman and ended the conversation with more information that you had to start. You thought for a moment to yourself while you sat up in bed, Dean's arm wrapped loosely around your waist, trying to somehow keep you here for a little while longer. You remained where you were, trying to think of you knew anything about this boat, if you might have learned it in school or not. There had to be something. But your mind was coming up blank on this one.

"Hey, guys," You spoke up, getting each of their attention. "Does the name Titanic ring a bell?"

Dean thought about it for a few seconds before answering no. Sam took a little longer, but even his big brain of his, the man couldn't recollect on any sort of information that connected to the Titanic. You unwillingly stepped away from the bed and Dean's embrace and back to the rickety old chair and your laptop. It took a few minutes of searching the Titanic to find a complete website dedicated to the boat. Skimming the information, you picked out what seemed slightly interesting and read it back to the boys.

"Okay, so, the RMS Titanic was the largest passenger steamship in the world when it made its maiden voyage across the North Atlantic in 1912." You read off the first paragraph you found.

“So what's the big friggin' deal?” Dean asked, not seeing what the big fuss was all about. “It's a ship. It sailed.”

"On the evening of April 14, 1912 the Titanic had a dangerously close call with an iceberg. Only the sharp eyes of the First Mate, Mr. I.P. Freely saved the ship from disaster. Despite the late hour, and poor visibility conditions, Mr. Freeley spotted the iceberg which was almost one hundred (100) feet high and four hundred (400) feet long. Emergency maneuvers averted what would surely have been a disastrous collusion. Freeley was hailed a hero by the passengers and crew.”

"Looks like there was a close call. Ship almost hit an iceberg. Luckily the first mate spotted it just in time." You said, telling the boys about the near fatal crash that took the ship down. You read more of the paragraph that told of the dangerous night that almost ended in disaster. The more you read, the more eerily strange from the coincidence. Dean looked you, wondering why you were staring at the laptop screen with a bit of a confused expression. “Uh, this first mate. Mr I.P. Freeley.”

"Well, that's not suspicious. You got a picture of old Freeley?" Dean asked. You scrolled through the website where you found a grainy black and white picture of the crew. Clicking on it, you pulled up a bigger version, and of the man dubbed a hero. Who you saw made your face drop in slight twinge of annoyance. Dean headed over as Sam leaned over the table to get a good look himself. It didn't take long for Sam to have the same reaction as you did. All Dean needed to do was take a quick glance to realize why the man looked so familiar. He let out a frustrated sigh. "Balthazar."

You didn’t have a very good friendship with Balthazar. He had a knack for elaborate, over the top schemes you and the boys always seemed to get in the middle of. You weren't the least bit surprised to see that he had landed himself in more trouble. His choices and bad plans to only benefit him were inconvenient and annoying, but this...whatever sort of trick was up his sleeve, it was causing the lives of too many people. You and the boys decided to have a friendly chat with him. However, in order to get into contact with angel, praying wasn’t a valid option for you. So you chose to summon him.

The process wasn’t an easy one. You shut the curtains to give the three of you privacy while the boys moved the table across the room to give all of you more room. You removed the laptops from the table so Sam could place down a bowl full of all sorts of ingredients after Dean drew a few familiar sigils in chalk. To add the final touch, you lit a match against the box before throwing it into the bowl, watching as the flame ignited before dying down. You looked around the room to see that things were working when you noticed the lights began to flicker, a few bulbs even burst from what was about to happen.

“Boys, boys, boys. And the lovely, always delightful Y/N.” Balthazar’s familiar accent filled the room, signaling his arrival. You turned around to see the angel himself. Your lips stretched into a frown. “Whatever can I do for you?”

“We need to talk.” You informed the angel.

"Oh," Balthazar mumbled. He took notice of your body language, crossed arms over your chest and annoyed glare, to realize you summoned him on not so good terms. "You seem upset, Y/N."

“I kind of am. You see, the boys and I are working this case. And you know whose face I come across while doing research for this case?” You asked him. Before Balthazar could try and give a sarcastic answer, you tell him. “Yours! What the hell is with the boat, Balthazar.”

“What boat are you possibly referring to, darling? I’ve been around for a very long time. Seen a lot of boats.” Balthazar said. You narrowed your eyes on him in annoyance at his response. “Be more specific, that’s all I’m asking.”

“The Titanic.” You told him in a sharp tone. “Ring any bells?”

“Oh. Ja. The Titanic. Yes, well, uh, it was meant to sink, and I saved it.” Balthazar explained to all of you. His voice was all too casual, acting as if he was talking about the weather. You raised your brow slightly from what you just heard and asked him what he meant by that. “Well it was meant to bash into this iceberg thing and plunge into the briny deep with all this hoopla, and I saved it. Anything else I can answer for you?”

“Why?” Sam asked the angel.

Balthazar looked at the younger Winchester with a bit of a confused expression by his question, “Why what?”

“Why did you un-sink the ship?” Dean asked again more clearly this time, and a little bit slower. Due to the fact that he was trying to keep his patience.

“Oh, because I hated the movie.” Balthazar said.

Your face scrunched up slightly, “What movie?”

Balthazar let out a laugh, “Exactly.”  

“Wait, so you saved a cruise liner because—“ Sam said, trying to wrap his head around what he was hearing.

“Because that God-awful Celine Dion song made me want to smite myself.” Balthazar said. You and the boys grew confused at the name the angel mentioned. “Before you waste your time asking, she’s not important. Thanks to my wonderful plan she's a destitute lounge singer somewhere in Quebec, and let's keep it that way, please.”

"Okay, I didn't think that was possible." Sam said. "I thought you couldn't change history."

"Oh, haven't you noticed? There's no more rules, boys." Balthazar said. The angel grew a smirk at his plan that he thought was oh, so brilliant. Only it was causing all sorts of problems. But you highly doubted Balthazar thought that far ahead to get whatever he wanted.

"Wow. The nerve on you." Sam mumbled. He slowly shook his head and scoffed at what he was hearing from the angel. "So you just, what, un-sunk a giant boat?"

"Oh come on. I saved people.” Balthazar defended himself against the younger Winchester and his judgemental glare. “I thought you loved that kind of thing."

"Yeah, but now those people and their kids and their kids' kids, they must have interacted with so many other people, changed so much crap. You totally Butterfly-Affected history!" Sam said. He pointed out the big, glaring flaw Balthazar refused to think about to get his own way.

"Dude. Dude." Dean mumbled, getting his brother's attention. You rolled your eyes from what he felt the need to bring up at a time like this. "Rule one, no Kutcher references."

"Ah, yes. Unfortunately, there's still an Ashton Kutcher. And you still averted the Apocalypse, and there are still Archangels. But, thanks to me, I made it a bit harder for them to do it. It’s just the small details that are different, like you don't drive an Impala.” Balthazar said. Your face scrunched up slightly at the mention of a car you don’t think you’ve ever heard of. The angel spoke up quickly, not feeling the need to waste time on unimportant knowledge. “Yes, yes. ‘What's an Impala?’ Trust me, it's not important. You see, Y/N wasn’t supposed to be raised by Bobby. Along with the fact that Ellen and Jo aren’t supposed to be alive.”

"Wait, what?" You asked the angel, suddenly becoming way too confused at what was going on here to keep up with what he was explaining. Balthazar walked over to the small kitchen area where he spotted a bottle of unopened whiskey. He took it upon himself to pour himself a drink

while you thought more about what he said. "What do you mean?”

“You see, your darling mother—Ella, right? She was supposed to end up with a different man that you think is your real father, who died when you were six. A whole bunch of nonsense. Basically you’re supposed to be a half demon. The apocalypse was supposed to go a

other way. A bunch of things.” Balthazar said. He twisted off the top to the whiskey and poured a drink while he explained. “Luckily I tipped off a cherub to point his magic arrow somewhere else so you could be raised by Bobby, who you always went on about being your ‘real’ father. And, of course there was that whole ordeal with Ellen and Jo.”

“What?” You mumbled, your voice suddenly growing eerily quiet.

"Ella wasn't supposed to have died when you were a kid and by that hound. She was supposed to sell her soul, sell her husband's soul and all that jazz. Ellen and Jo are supposed to be dead.” Balthazar said. “You see, I save a boat, those peoples' kids have kids, your mother falls in love with someone else, one thing leads to another, which leads to another thousand things, and yada, yada, yada. To cut a long story short, they don't die in a massive explosion and you three get to grow up together. Let's agree I did a good thing. One less Billy Zane movie and I saved two of your closest friends.”

You weren't sure what the hell was going on anymore. Your way into this world and upbringing wasn't a usual one. You learned when you were in your early twenties that your mother made a deal with Azazel, a yellow eyed demon responsible for the tragedy in your life, to have a child after she couldn't get pregnant. Deals only brought ten years. Your mother thought she could try and outrun a hellhound. You remembered on your tenth birthday you were in the process of moving, somewhere far away. It had been just the two of you since your father was killed in a car accident when you were six years old. She just wanted a normal life.

But your mother’s idea of a perfect life was cut short when she was ripped apart by a hellhound. And you heard it all. All you remembered about the tragedy was locking yourself in a closet, petrified you would mauled by a beast you could hear, but couldn’t see. John Winchester and Bobby found you a few days after your mother died. While John had his hands full with his own two sons, Bobby couldn't stomach the idea of letting you out of his sight, so he took you in. He'd been your father figure ever since then. You didn't know what you'd do without him, but hearing all of this from Balthazar, about how things were supposed to be different, the room felt like it was spinning.

"But now somebody is killing the descendants of the survivors." Sam said, his voice bringing you back into the situation right in front of you. Balthazar raised his brow, wondering why he should care about such a thing. "And that's maybe, like, fifty thousand people."

Balthazar continued to stare at the three of you with a blank expression, “And?”

“And we need to save as many people as we can, but we need to know who's after them.” The older Winchester explained the situation a bit more clearly for Balthazar to understand without really having to think about the mess he just made.

“Oh, uh, sorry, uh. You have me confused with the other angel—you know, the one in the dirty trench coat who's in love with you. I...don't care.” Balthazar spoke the last three words rather slowly, making sure you and the boys would get the message so you wouldn’t bug him again. You scoffed as he took a long sip of his drink to finish it up. “Goodbye, boys. And it’s been a pleasure, Y/N.”

"Whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait, wait." Dean said, trying to get the angel to stay for a few more minutes. He stepped forward in an attempt to try and stop Balthazar, but when you blinked, the angel vanished from your sight, leaving you to clean up the mess he made. "Son of a bitch!"

+ + +

After you were left high and dry by Balthazar, you and the boys tried to figure out the extent of the consequences you were left to deal with by the angel after he unsank a boat for the sake of keeping a movie from being made and a lounge singer from seeking fame. The most troubling fact you had to break to Bobby was about Ellen and Jo and their...different path. You knew it was going to break his heart to hear the news. You tried to postpone it far as you could while you explained the situation to the older hunter on speaker phone.

"So, Balthazar un-sank a boat, and now we got a boatload of people who should never have been born." Bobby said, recapping the information you and the boys told him over the past few minutes.

"Yeah. Like fifty-thousand." Sam said, giving the haunting number of people you were supposed to try and save. The older hunter's response wasn't what you were anticipating. He seemed casual, saying that all of this made sense. "How does any of this make sense?”

“Because I got an idea who we're up against. Fate." Bobby said. Fate was a word that meant everything happens for a reason, why your life ended the way it did was because that's how the reality of things were written out. You always thought of the word as a concept, something someone higher up chose, like God himself. It turned out fate might not be a concept, more of a person in charge of how things turned out.. "I mean Fate, like the Fates. Or one of 'em, at least."

“You mean like Greek mythology?” You wondered. “Like the sisters?”

You could thank all of your knowledge about the things that went bump in the night on Bobby. He taught you everything you needed to know. And you spent most of your time reading the dusty books cluttered all over his house. What else was a girl to do? Dean's mumbled remark of calling you a nerd didn't go unnoticed. You gave him a look as you lightly kicked him in the shin.

“These ladies are responsible for how you go down, literally. So if you get creamed by a garage door or crunched by a copy machine, they're the ones who hammer out the details of how you die. Spin out your fate on a piece of pure gold." Bobby explained to all of you. You realized the gold thread found at each scene of where the victims had died was for a reason. It made sense from what Bobby was saying. "And then one of 'em writes it all down in her Day Runner of Death. It's high-level stuff. Anyway—fits. Now we know what Balthazar did. It seems to me that maybe Fate is just trying to clean up the mess."

Sam asked the question on everyone’s mind, "So, how do we stop it?"

“How do we stop Fate? Good question.” Bobby said.

"Well, there's got to be a way." Dean said, thinking there had to be a loophole of some sort.

“Or there ain't. I mean, this is Fate we're talking about here. You know, the easiest way would be to get that angel to re-sink the boat.” Bobby said. You found yourself shooting down the idea in a heartbeat before he could try and suggest it again. “Big difference between dying awful and never being born, Y/N.”

“We are not sinking the boat, Bobby. Okay?" You told him in a tone of voice that you didn’t want to hear anymore of this. You never spoke to Bobby like this. But you didn’t want to change the way things were, the way you grew up to think that this was how it was meant to be. You knew things were more complicated than you could handle, but you’d deal with it. “Don't even think about it."

"Well, okay. What's got you biting my head off? Normally you're all about doing the right thing." Bobby said. You let out a quiet sigh as you found your gaze lingering over to the boys, as if you were hoping for some guidance on what to say next. Bt they looked overwhelmed themselves at what the right thing to do was. So, you told the man that it was nothing. Bobby didn't believe your excuse. "Try that again?"

"Look, it doesn't even really matter, but..." Dean decided to spare you from breaking the bad news when he spoke up, however he found himself growing silent for a moment, not wanting to tell the man the bitter truth. But, he forced himself to. "Apparently, a crapload of dominoes get tipped over if the Titanic goes down. And, uh, bottom line—Ellen and Jo die.”

The other line suddenly went quiet when Dean told the older hunter the news. You bit the inside of your cheek as you imagined what must have been going through his mind right now. Bobby and Ellen had been married for over a year now, since the apocalypse wrapped up. Both of them were head over heels in love with each other. Ellen was like a mother you never had, and Bobby was a father figure to you since you were little. The thought of things being different made you feel uneasy. When Bobby spoke up a few moments later, his response to the information wasn’t the least bit surprising.

"Okay, you three. Listen up." Bobby spoke up, his voice dead serious. "You make sure... Keep those angels from sinking that boat. Do you understand me?”

You and the boys agreed with the plan. You ended the call on that note, only you found yourself feeling more overwhelmed at what you were ahead of. Along with the fact that you had no clue how the hell to fix any of this. You tossed the phone to the bed and let out a loud sigh.

"He's bad enough without her." You mumbled. "Think how he'd be if she was gone."

"Yeah." Sam sighed, knowing the situation ahead of you was going to be a moral dilemma. "So, what do we do? I mean, how do we save fifty-thousand people?"

“I got no freaking clue.” Dean said.

“We don't even know who they are.” Sam added more details you didn’t want to think about.

You were about to let out another sigh from the trouble ahead of you as you turned your head slightly in the direction of the nightstand. You noticed something sitting on the ledge, leaning forward, you realized it was the pamphlet Dean grabbed from the office of one Sean Russo. A dick in a shiny suit—who might be the next victim of Fate. And your only possible lead in stopping this situation before it could get any worse than it already was.

+ + +

The next morning you and the boys decided to stake out Russo's office to catch him off guard this time. You called his secretary, posing as a potential client, asking when he'd be available, big surprise to hear that he was all booked with appointments. You watched from the backseat window as car passed by every so often, blocking your view of the front door to the office. It was a little over an hour of waiting before you spotted Russo. He was making his way out with a client from the looks of it, who looked in terrible shape from the neck brace and cane he had to use while walking. You scoffed at how Russo acted. He just radidated bad vibes.

You and the boys got out from the car to tail Russo in attempt to get his attention. While you and the boys called out the man’s name to get his attention, the man was at least twenty feet ahead of you, too wrapped up in his phone conversation that he took to acknowledge either one of you.

"I don't care. Send him a fruitcake." Russo said to the person on the other line. You tried to get the man's attention when you called out his name a little louder, but he continued to chat into his phone, getting closer to the end of the sidewalk to cross the street. You had a feeling he was too wrapped up in his conversation to look both ways. "Who's the judge? Ah, no. 20 bucks. Believe me, this guy—he owes me."

“Russo, stop!”

You took no chances when you called out his name on the top of your lungs. While you did get his attention, it was at the possibly worst time. You looked to see that there was a van speeding down the road, showing no signs of breaking for pedestrians. Before Russo could become roadkill, Dean lunged forward, saving the day by grabbing ahold of the man and roughly shoving him to the sidewalk, getting him out of the way. Russo went tumbling to the ground as his cell phone bounced a foot or so away.

The driver slammed on his breaks, exactly where Russo was just standing a few moments ago. If none of you had acted when you did, Russo would have been good as dead. But it seemed the man wasn't feeling gratitude for your act of heroism.

"Get off of me." Russo ordered, pushing away Sam's awaiting hand to help the man back up on his feet. You gave Russo a dirty look when he snatched his phone away from your grip after you generously picked it up for him. "And you—I told you and your creepy friend to leave me alone, didn't I?”

"Look, we're just trying to help you out, okay?" You said, Russo scoffed at your excuse.

“Help me?! You almost killed me, you lunatic. Unbelievable." Russo grumbled underneath his breath. You gave him a dirty look at how he was acting as he began attempting to walk across the street now that it was clear of any cars. Dean tried to get the man's attention, causing Russo to stop in the middle of the street. "Just be glad I'm not suing your a—!"

Russo would never be able to finish his passive threat, and those would the last words he would ever get the chance to say. Things turned for the worst at what happened next. Nobody saw it coming. A bus came hurtling down the street, going too fast to stop for the idiot that stepped into the road and didn’t move when the bus was approaching. You and the boys stood there in silence, eyes wide and mouths parted open, wondering what the hell you just witnessed.

[Next Part]

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[dangan-ronpa-v3-imagines-blog]

NDRV3 Boys With An S/O That Has Anxiety Problems And Someone Intentionally Triggers A Panic Attack

First imagine I shall post here! This request was honestly a little more difficult to finish up than expected beforehand... I hope this meets your standards! ;^;   ~ Mod Angie Shuichi Saihara:   - He had more or less already figured out you had anxiety problems before you told him.   - The first panic attack you had around him, however, took him by surprise.   - Since then he's always had an eye on you to make sure he knew when you were going to have a panic attack.   - One day the class you both attended was going out on a field trip to the aquarium as an 'end of the year party'.   - You hated bus rides: you always thought something bad would happen during any bus ride.   - Saihara's first intention was to calm you down, reassuring you before you reached the bus.   - However, another student's intention was much different.   - That student (who had been told already to shut it) stared whispering things to you.   - "This bus is going to crash, and take your life with it."   - You were instantly convinced the bus was going to get into an accident.   - The hyperventilating began from there.   - You could barely move; you were almost frozen in place.   - Everything started getting dizzy.   - "S/O..? Are you ok?"   - Saihara'a voice just barely filled your ears.   - Your response was to cling onto his shoulders, staggering in your walk.   - He immediately did his best to calm you down when you got to your seat in the bus.   - When you had calmed down, he offered that you could sleep against him for the ride there, which you immediately agreed to.   - The rest of the bus ride is spent rather quietly, you having fallen asleep on his lap.

Kokichi Ouma:   - Of course his teasing ended up triggering your first panic attack around him.   - At first he thought you were joking around with him.   - That was until you nearly passed out during the panic attack due to hyperventilating too much.   - One day, you and Ouma had happened to be invited over to a party of sorts.   - Something you wish you had known beforehand was that there was going to be a scary story session.   - You confronted Ouma about this the moment you were told about it.   - "Don't be scared, S/O, you'll be completely fine! A few scary stories won't kill you, right?"   - Ohboywashedeadwrong-   - Ouma being the tease he is, he would probably take your 'I'm easily scared' complaint as nothing more but a joke - even when he was aware of your anxiety problems.   - And the person who was starting the session off just happened to be that one jerk that always tried giving you panic attacks at school.   - That student had a grin on his face the moment you had walked into this party.   - He's targeting you now dear god get away-   - The moment he hits you with the first supposed jumpscare you let out a terrified shriek.   - This catches everyone's attention - they're all staring at you.   - Which only made the situation worse.   - Now Ouma's looking at you with an extreme amount of concern, instead of laughing like you had expected.   - He takes you away from the others and outside to get some fresh air.   - Rubbing circles on your back, holding you closely to him, pressing small kisses to your forehead and cheeks...   - It didn't take long before you came back to your senses, which you thank him for one too many times after.   - You two leave the party early and have a cuddle session back home.   - The next day at school you catch a glimpse of the student from yesterday acting all defensive and cowardly.   - Your instant guess was that Ouma had given him a warning, and it was not a light one.

Rantarou Amami:   - You were the kind of person that always worried about school grades and how your parents would react to them.   - Amami did his best to help you with studies for tests and finishing homework on time.   - Sometimes, however, you'd panic about little things like 'what if the answer's not good enough' or 'what if I fail the next test'.   - Which ended up leading to a few unwanted panic attacks.   - The day you were supposed to receive one of your major tests (which just happened to be at the end of the day), there was one student that would tend to whisper a simple 'you failed' to you whenever you passed each other in the halls.   - You did your best to ignore those remarks: Amami had helped you study for this test, there was no way his help would be for nothing!   - You were convinced otherwise when lunchtime rolled around.   - The student from earlier caught onto you again.   - "This /is/ a major test, you realize? If you fail this one, Amami will be extremely disappointed that all his hard work in teaching you went to waste."   - That made you extremely nervous: was he right? Was he wrong? Would Amami really be that disappointed?   - You were on the verge of having a panic attack when you join Amami at the table.   - "Are you ok, S/O? You're shaking a little."   - You started mumbling out random gibberish.   - All Amami could catch on to was 'I failed the test'.   - He pulls you into a gentle embrace and starts rocking you slowly from side to side, which calmed you down before anything got serious.   - He then decides to ramble on a bit about how much you've improved on your work - he's very proud of what you've done over the months.   - Your wide smile when you see a full 100% on your test later on in the afternoon is what keeps him happy for the rest of the day.

Kiibo:   - By the time he realized you had anxiety problems, it already got bad enough that you had acquired agoraphobia with your anxiety problems.   - "So you happen to have panic attacks sometimes? And you don't want to get one in public? If that's the case, I will do what I can to the highest of my capabilities to make sure nothing happens to you! Public or not!"   - He sounds rather confident when he claims this.   - He always had an eye on you in class to make sure you weren't about to have any panic attacks in public.   - One day he noticed that you were trembling a little in your seat.   - The teacher had gone out to collect extra papers from the office. Just great.   - You were slowly staring to get a panic attack out of the blue.   - Some jerk in class also caught onto this.   - "Hey, everyone, look over here! The poor girl's/guy's having a panic attack!"   - That only made things worse.   - Kiibo was immediately by your side, but you were ignoring him.   - Everyone knew you were having a panic attack in the middle of class. Your breath caught in your throat. Nauseousness was quick to follow up.   - You feel a tugging on your arm.   - Kiibo had pulled you out into the halls, immediately wrapping his arms around you when the two of you were alone.   - You started crying against his shoulder.   - Were you going to get teased for having a panic attack in class?   - The teacher comes back to see you two outside.   - After she finds out what happened, the student that called you out is pulled out of class.   - He doesn't bother you anymore after that.

Kaito Momota:   - He was never the best helped when you had a panic attack.   - The first one you had around him left him panicking for the whole time; he was completely lost on what to do.   - And was somehow still partially clueless even after reading up on anxiety problems and panic attacks on the internet.   - The most he could do that he found worked the best was pull you into his lap and hold you there for a few minutes until the episode passed.   - One day, your school just happened to be experiencing a lockdown; much worse, it wasn't anywhere near a drill.   - The matter was already worrying enough on its own: students around you in your class seemed to be panicking.   - Kaito was already by your side, however his gaze was darting everywhere in a state of panic.   - Some other student happened to catch you while Kaito was distracted.   - That student started whispering things to you: mainly along the lines of 'whoever's out there is hunting you down and planning to kill you'.   - Kaito manages to pick up on the words (despite his unnoticeable panicked state) and shoots a glare towards the student whispering to you, pulling you towards his chest.   - You're panicking even more now: trembling, struggling to take controlled breaths...   - But being in the arms of your boyfriend helps to calm you down until the lockdown passes.   - You give him a kiss on the cheek to say thank you.   - You come to school the next day to see the student that had been whispering to you yesterday with a cast on their arm, and quite the amount of injuries.   - You also find out that Kaito got suspended for a couple days after beating the shit out of them.   - When will he learn that violence isn't always the answer..?

Korekiyo Shinguji:   - Examining every single one of your panic attack causes and triggers is a must of his: every little bit of information he could get his hands on about panic attacks was stored in his mind.   - At the same time he's there to calm you down, experimenting with different ways to do so until he found a method that worked the fastest.   - Maybe in an odd or unsettling way, knowing the kind of person that he is.   - But it worked, either way.   - You weren't very worried about panic attacks in public; you knew how to calm yourself down because of experience and had Korekiyo by your side if things got out of hand.   - Sometime during lunch you had excused yourself to go to the bathroom.   - On the way there you started to suspect something... As if you were being followed...   - Your trip to the bathroom was much quicker than intended.   - When exiting, you were met by a sudden, loud "Boo!" from multiple people, which so happened to be the group of students that tend to go around and scare the shit out of other students.   - And their method quickly took a toll on you.   - You resorted to a loud scream, dashing off before they could do anything else.   - Which left the group laughing as you sprinted off.   - The moment you ran back into the cafeteria, you start searching for Korekiyo.   - When you find him you're practically barreling yourself into his arms.   - He's quick to calm you down and holds you in his arms until you've calmed down.   - You explain to him what happened.   - He is not pleased.   - You come to school the next day to see the same group of students being confronted by Korekiyo - and they look as if they're about to wet themselves.   - A small laugh is your only response as they run away from your boyfriend.

Gonta Gokuhara:   - He's completely stumped on what to do when you have your first panic attack.   - Though after a while he's learned to adapt to them, and has picked up on a few tricks to help you.   - All of those methods being looking at different bugs, of course.   - And it surprisingly helped.   - He's a good boy; he makes sure to give you extra care even after the panic attack passes just to show how much he cares.   - Recently you've been paired up with someone for a project of sorts.   - However, the person you were paired up with tends to put the majority of the work on you, and even downrates you when you do the work.   - It's just been stressful for the two weeks you were given to work on it.   - You broke under the stress all of a sudden, which causes Gonta to get very worried.   - Once again resorting to using his 'let's look at some bugs' method until you calm down completely, and even after you did he continued looking after you until you're willing to speak.   - When he asks what's wrong, you reply that there's a group project you've been stressing over because your partner does absolutely nothing to help you and downrates your efforts on making the project seem professional.   - The last few days Gonta helps you with your work when you need it (because that's what a gentleman would do), which decreased your stress level by a whole lot.   - You're proud of the result of your project.   - You resort to explaining to your teacher about how your work partner treated you during the project.   - They get a fail on the project as a punishment, while you get an A+.

Ryoma Hoshi:   - He somehow became your anxiety reliever as a 'living teddy bear'.   - Whenever you had a panic attack, you'd hug him gently to your chest until it passed.   - He got annoyed the first time you did it, but has learned to deal with being treated like a stuffed animal.   - Public situations were different.   - Ryoma would never let you hold him like a teddy bear in public.   - Instead, he tends to gently stroke your head to calm you down.   - Not the most effective way, but it worked nonetheless.   - Over the weeks someone has been... Making you really anxious in school.   - Flashing you threatening glares and gestures to intimidate you.   - And you just happened to be easily intimidated.   - There was so much fear building up that it caused you to panic whenever that student even entered the same room you were in.   - Hoshi got extremely worried when you came up to him, shaking and stammering phrases he couldn't make out.   - Not much came out of your mouth before he told you to stop talking, and calmed you down.   - "Who is intimidating you?"   - The question came out slowly enough to make you nervous, but you gave him a nod anyways.   - He's constantly at your side now, keeping you away from the student mentioned earlier.   - It's not the best thing he does, but the student eventually stays away, so it's a win in the end.

[veronicadvalle]

(1/2) "Yes, Archie’s with Veronica, and Betty’s with Jughead… but we couldn’t help noticing that longing look Archie gave his next-door neighbor in last season’s finale. And the feeling might still be mutual, Aguirre-Sacasa notes: “For a long time, Archie was what Betty wanted. And I don’t think it’s like a switch being flipped, that that just changes.”

(2/2) Archie’s newfound maturity could be a factor, too, he thinks: “Now that he’s a little bit older, a little bit wiser, is he like, ‘Wow, I let this really good thing get away’? And is it too late?” Though he thinks Archie and Veronica “are pretty great together,” the EP warns that, ultimately, “the heart wants what it wants.” FUCKKK MY LIFE VERONICA DESERVES SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS SECOND CHOICE SHIT I SHOULD’VE KNOWN NOT TO TRUST ROBERTO AKA MR “MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IS BETTY”

Omg, anon. xD First, take a deep breath and relax. Second, we are going to be fine. 

I agree that Veronica does not deserve any of this bullshit. I agree 100%. And from the start, Ive always said my loyalties fall w/ Veronica before they fall with Varchie. Sorry, sue me. xD But we are going to be fine! 

This is what entertainment news does. They overhype, they blur lines, they insert whatever interpretation is the most scandalous that will get them the most clicks and/or traffic. The first instance of that here is calling Archie’s actions as a “longing look [he] gave his next-door neighbor.” He clearly explained that when he said that he was looking at B/tty and J/ghead and seeing how good they are together. Of course a boy with a dodgy track record in relationships is gonna be anxious about staring a new one, specially one with one of his previous friends. Of course he would be anxious. He explained it well. He wants what B/tty and J/ghead have, but he wants that with Veronica. He doesn’t want to be w/ betty; he just wants what she has with j/ghead. And that makes so much sense.

Archie has always protected his friends. I .. don’t understand why people think he would actually break up b/ghead. That’s … not Archie. And also, Lili said that Betty and Veronica aren’t going to fight over a boy. And I just don’t see how they are gonna make a serious big move toward B/rchie and not make conflict between the girls. It’s just … not possible. So in order to maintain Veronica and Betty’s friendship, b*rchie is just not a possibility  right now. 

I think what RAS is insinuating (teasing) is that Betty is still not over Archie as much as we would all like to think (including herself), and Archie clearly doesn’t know where he stands with his feelings toward her. Like some people have noticed in the past, B/tty did move on pretty quickly from Archie onto Jughead. Again, don’t sue me. But it literally happened from episode 2 to episode 6. Thats quick, its just how it is. Sorry. I think her feelings toward J/ghead are 100% genuine. I do think she loves him. But despite how much denial a few in the fandom are, they are gonna get conflict in their relationship. Both couples are gonna have big conflict that might take a toll on their relationship. Don’t blame Archie and/or Betty for that. They are just teens trying to navigate all of this. 

Lili also teased that if a relationship brings more stress into their lives, they might have to let it go. And I think that’s another hurdle these teens are gonna face as they navigate their relationships. It’s not all pink and flowers. It’s gonna get confusing, and I don’t think thats a bad thing at all. It’s how it is in the real world. And I think RAS is teasing B*rchie as a “what if” thought that they might have, but not make a move on it. And I think what Lili teased about relationships can be applied toward both couples, and Betty and Archie might have a lil moment of “would B*rchie have been a simpler relationship?” 

And to iterate, this is what entertainment news does. They want the traffic, they want the clicks on their website. Note how he said Archie and Veronica “are pretty great together.” Those were RAS’s words. It was whoever wrote the article who framed it in such a way that we feel like we need to fear for something. 

“Though Archie and Veronica “are pretty great together”, the EP warns…” 

That was the writer who worded that way for the drama and for the tension and the conflict. He made it extra suspenseful for dramatic purposes. I could have easy written, “RAS teases that Archie and Veronica ‘are pretty great together’, reassuring us that ‘the hearts what it wants’.” You see the difference? Of course it really depends on RAS’s body language, his tone, and if he really did mean that there is something to be worried about. But RAS is a troll; he doesn’t want to isolate a demographic (aka, b*rchie shippers) so he’s gonna tease about it.

TL;DR – 

All signs point that any b*rchie they do include is gonna be short lived and non-threatening. 

Archie and Veronica didn’t go through so much together so that Veronica could get left behind. Both KJ and RAS have teased that they are “pretty great together.” And as KJ said, that comes in part because they were forced to work together early on and that inevitably brought them closer. 

Betty and Archie will always have that “what if” moment, specially if their own relationships are treading rough waters. but its not gonna be threatening, at all. 

entertainment news loves the drama and so they worded it in such a way that got us all talking (aka, they were successful in stirring the pot and getting that traffic)

[woozapooza]

Black Sails 1x01

Here we go!!! A new show!!! What a good pilot episode. So much happened, I can’t believe it’s only been one episode.

I was apprehensive about starting Black Sails because I’d been anticipating it for months and had built it up in my head. It’s the same apprehension I had starting Wynonna Earp. But once again, I have correctly judged from a tiny bit of information that a show is an excellent match for me. I’m not nearly as good as I’d like to be at following and remembering the events of shows, so after I finished the episode, I recounted as much of the plot as I could remember to myself. While doing that, I realized one thing that made it such a good way to start a show: it’s brimming with the theme of gambling, of making dangerous choices that may pay off hugely down the line or may end in disaster. Combine that with the numerous interesting characters, not to mention the fact that it’s a period drama about pirates I mean come on what’s better than that, and you’ve got the perfect recipe to make me keep watching. I hope everything in the following lil recap/review is factually correct but eh who knows.

Let’s start with Flint. The trope of angsty morally dubious loner captain dude, while cool in theory, does not always go over well for me (see Jack Harkness and Mal Reynolds, neither of whom is as questionable as Flint). But I think in Flint this trope (which probably has a name, or at least is an amalgam of a few tropes that have names) may finally work for me, and I’m not just saying that out of ginger solidarity, nor just because aesthetically Flint is #goals. Flint has been “gambling” for months before the show even starts: he’s been going after ships that don’t seem like good targets because he thinks they’ll lead him to the jackpot, the Urca de Lima. The result of him keeping his plan secret from the crew is low morale and the threat of mutiny. Flint has to walk the line between keeping the crew satisfied and pursuing a goal that will more than make up for the toll its pursuit takes. He fails to walk this line, but Singleton’s mutiny gives Flint the opportunity to change tactics while still very much gambling: by accusing Singleton of stealing the Urca’s schedule, he gets to fight and kill Singleton (he also had to bet on Singleton choosing a duel over a trial, but I’m assuming he knew Singleton well enough that it wasn’t a risky bet) and pretend to recover the schedule from Singleton’s corpse. Until he produced the blank sheet of paper, I really couldn’t guess whether he actually suspected Singleton or he was just looking for an excuse to put down the mutiny. I didn’t expect the trick with the blank paper. Flint may be the main character but you can’t always see into his head, so I expect he’ll be a lot of fun to watch. I enjoy his cleverness, his ruthlessness, and his moments of vulnerability. I’m still unsure whether he meant it at all when he apologized to the crew for keeping secrets from them. I’d like to think it wasn’t a complete lie, even though it was also a ploy to get them to like him again, but it’s not like he’s stopped lying to them. He has his crew’s loyalty back—fortunately he was right to gamble that Billy would play along and pretend Singleton really did have the schedule—but it will only last so long before they realize he doesn’t have it. He also has to hide the fact that Guthrie, who was key to getting the ship, is a) under arrest and b) so far, unwilling to help. Will Flint get the schedule for realsies before the crew figures out that he lied to them again?

Lying now and hoping he’ll have the means to make up for it later is not the worst thing Flint does in this episode. It’s the killing of Singleton that really shows that he’s not a straightforward hero. I wouldn’t say mutiny justifies murder, but then again I’m not a pirate. I also wouldn’t say theft merits the death penalty, but that’s how pirates do. What I’m getting at is, Flint may do questionable things (like, in addition to the very fact of piracy), but he’s not the only one. I guess pirates have their own morality and just because Flint does things I wouldn’t do doesn’t mean he doesn’t have some kind of code. He even acknowledges, speaking to Billy, that pirates have a way of life that makes sense to them but not to mainstream people (I know I’m making pirates sound like hipsters but it was the first phrasing that came to mind): “men who keep what is theirs and fear no one.” 

Speaking of Billy the boatswain, I really like him as well, and not just because he’s played by Tom Hopper. His type of gambling has to do with how much of his faith and loyalty he’s going to put into Flint. He pretends that Flint was correct to accuse Singleton of theft, but he’s by no means a sycophant. When Flint is brutally interrogating Richard Guthrie and tells Billy to point the gun at Guthrie, Billy has no problem pointing it at Flint instead. So if Billy is playing along with Flint’s scheme, he must have weighed the options and decided this was best. Billy, like Flint, thinks, speaks, and acts for himself. Also, he looks like Tom Hopper.

Silver is a bit of a weird character because he’s to some extent our point-of-view character, but he’s also absent for large parts of the episode. Regarding his role as the audience stand-in, it was cool to show him discovering all the information about the Urca de Lima at the same time that Flint’s voiceover was explaining the same information. Regarding Silver’s personality, I really enjoy his unapologetic selfishness and self-preservation. Everyone on the show has their ways of looking out for themselves, and for Silver, that happens to mean hiding below deck, killing the cook (in self-defense, to be fair), stealing the Urca’s schedule because he knows it’s valuable even though he doesn’t know why, and pretending he’s a cook so he gets to join the crew of the Walrus (I’m looking forward to find out whether he actually can cook). But when Flint kills Singleton, do I dare see in Silver’s face a hint of remorse that his actions might have gotten someone killed, or do I need to be more cynical? Anyway, his main gamble is to hold on to the schedule rather than hand it over to Flint. He also has to make the gamble to trust Max.

Max, who is pretty mysterious so far but very alluring, likewise has to gamble to trust Silver. I like their dynamic—good teamwork from two blatantly self-interested people. Her acquisition of the schedule parallels how Silver got it: he could tell the cook really wanted to hold onto it, she could tell he really wanted to hold onto it. Both of them are clearly good at identifying where profit lies and getting there. Silver says that when he sees an opportunity for gain, he can’t help but take it; when given the chance to back out of a partnership with him, Max isn’t tempted, which suggests that she is much the same. As for another of Max’s relationships, as I have said, one of the reasons I wanted to watch this show was that I knew it had quality gay/bi content and WOW it turns out they hit you with it right in the first episode! I ship her and Eleanor by default (and because of the line “Max is your harbor,” I’ve decided my ship tag will be “all I want is to be your harbor”) but their interaction was mostly sex, so I hope we get to see more depth to their relationship soon. However, one of the episode’s few tender moments was Max’s concern when she saw the bruise Vane left on Eleanor’s face, so that bodes well for her and for the two of them.

I think Eleanor might be my favorite character so far, largely because Hannah New is very attractive when she’s swearing. And in general. She gambles by funding Gates’ efforts at bribery (making their interaction also a gamble for Gates) and oops she almost won that gamble but not quite. She also has to choose between loyalty to Vane and loyalty to Flint. She chooses Flint. We’ll see how that turns out. She is undoubtedly and unapologetically self-interested, but without crossing the line into immorality. (I mean immorality relative to the show’s baseline morality.) Same goes for most of these characters, now that I think about it, including Max. In addition to their similarities, these ladies balance each other: Eleanor is gruffer but more emotional, while Max is more subtle and more sanguine. Ship ship ship.

While watching The 100 I often wondered if Roan was just a boring character or if there was an innate boringness to Zach McGowan. Now I can declare that Roan is just a boring character. Vane is not boring. He’s pretty frightening, really. Maybe ZM should just only ever play villains? I don’t know. Anyway, despite being set up as the antagonist, I’m not yet convinced that Vane is really much worse than Flint. We shall see. He’s got a plan of his own, though it doesn’t really fit the gambling theme: he tried to engineer the victory of Singleton’s mutiny so that, once the crew of the Walrus realized they no longer had a competent captain, they’d defect to Vane’s crew. That didn’t pan out since Flint took down Singleton and made up with his crew, but Vane didn’t really lose anything, at least not as far as we’ve seen. For that reason, he’s probably the character who came out of the pilot looking the least vulnerable.

Gates, like Flint, feels like a character type I have seen before: the practical, long-suffering but loyal second-in-command to the headstrong, risk-taking team leader. The only other example I can think of is Bennet Drake from Ripper Street, but I think I’ve seen it elsewhere as well. Gates is the one who puts into words the theme I’ve been talking about: he tells Eleanor that if she loans him money to ensure Flint retains the captaincy, it will be an “investment in the future.” I’m looking forward to seeing whose investments pay off and whose future wins out.

There’s a lot of conflict already, but there’s a lot of overlap of characters’ traits, I guess because they all know this piratey world quite well and what kind of person you have to be to survive and to thrive. Basically, the first episode sets up a rough world where everyone is looking out for themselves and making difficult choices that they think are for their own good but that might have explosive consequences down the line. We get a glimpse of what these characters want and what they’re willing to do to get it. Also there are pirates. What’s not to love?

WHO DOES RACKHAM REMIND ME OF? I looked up Toby Schmitz’s filmography and I don’t think I’ve see him in anything else but I swear he reminds me of someone!

Best dialogue of the episode:

Gates, to Billy: You’re a highly regarded member of this crew. The captain regards your input more than you know.

Gates, to Flint: Billy’s going with you.

Flint: Who’s Billy?

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... The Fosters (S05E01) Resist Airdate: July 11, 2017 @freeform @thefostersseries Ratings: 0.872 Million :: 0.33 18-49 Demo Share Score: 5.75/10 TVTime/FB/Tumblr/IG/Twitter: @SpotlightSaga **********SPOILERS BELOW********** Annnnnd we're back. I want to say it's a miracle that I'm still here, trucking along, keeping up with a Freeform tv series in its 5th Season... But who am I kidding? This isn't the only one I've stuck with on this network even recently... And when it comes to 'The Fosters', it's less about 'a job', or a fan request, than it is about just kind of being stuck in the middle of the Adams Foster drama. Not all the arcs, storylines, or subplots are all that compelling, but even on a bad day there's that one angle on 'The Fosters' that feels at least worthy enough to check in on. Even in its 5th Season, 'The Fosters' has managed to stick its landings more than the network's prized pig (that's literally alive by the grace of God, tho finally completing its 7th & final season) 'Pretty Little Liars', the once critically hailed, now meandering series who only got a final season because of what it did for the network in its beginning stages before creator and Showrunner Lizzy Weiss lost her damn mind, 'Switched at Birth', and tween-teen, action/adventure, fantasy cheese sensation 'Shadowhunters' all combined. If it sounds like I'm being harsh, that's because I am. When you've watched as many hours of ABC Family, now Freeform TV, as I have... At my age... I earn the right to call a spade a spade. 'The Fosters' may not be taking in oodles and oodles of live ratings (not that any tv show aimed at younger audiences is in 2017), but it's the only show on Freeform that didn't show massive losses recently. PLL dropped another 35% in both live viewers & the 18-49 demo, as did 'Shadowhunters', and 'Switched at Birth', a show that ended on an almost unrecognizable note, saw losses of over 50% in both categories. The Fosters averaging out just 4% loss in both, not too bad right... Considering! That's tells me that 'The Fosters', even when making mistakes, isn't driving off their audience in droves. There's something about this show that people sincerely like... And like I said, I honestly like 'The Fosters'. For what it is, this can be one helluva compelling family drama and when it's firing on all cylinders, it's one that is definitely worth your time. Not that 'The Fosters' doesn't have its downbeats. Callie's (Maia Mitchell) storyline with Diamond (Hope Olaide Wilson) and her pimp, Russel 'Daddy' Ortega (Joseph Julian Soria) was truly head shaking, teeth grinding, cringe-tastic nonsense. Truly. But with 'The Fosters', and especially with the character of Callie, it's often less about the angle at hand, than it is about the big picture. Maia Mitchell is young, talented, and capable. The 23 year old Australian Native has a bright future ahead of her, and Showrunner, Writer, and Director Peter Paige is building an epic storyline that's been bubbling to the surface for pretty much the entirety of the show. Whether it's jumping in last second and swapping places with lost girl Christina, or taking on cold murder cases (technically one that is already solved, however poorly done) that are literally none of her business to begin with, to running away at the first sign of trouble when her dreams of officially being in a family start to rear its ugly head, Callie is ALWAYS pressing that 'self-destruct' button. Sometimes it's over the top, but at its core, its continuously relatable... Addicts, those living with depression, purveyors of the human condition; Almost everyone understands what it is to not value their life at one point or another. Poor Stef (Teri Polo) is always there, rushing to clean up Callie's messes... And seeing her break down in the car and finally relay the toll that it's taking on her & the rest of the family and at the same time expressing how much she truly cares about Callie, is one of those extremely honest & vulnerable moments of the show... Special moments like that surprisingly do come often, but they are almost always fleeting. Fosters Fans continue to watch faithfully, because those moments are captured so well and pack such an emotive force, that we're left watching them, deep in our feelings, as they slip through our fingers like sand, leaving us eager for the next one to peak around the corner. Then we have Jesus Adams Foster (now played by Noah Centineo, since S03E10 in August 17, 2015). As a collective, Fosters viewers were all a bit skiddish by the mid-series casting change from former 'Jesus', bad boy Jake T. Austin, as any fan of any series that recasts a major character midway through would be. Slowly but surely, not only has Centineo won our hearts, he's truly become the real Jesus Adams Foster. I honestly couldn't even imagine Jake T Austin in this role anymore, let alone packing the emotional weight and overall nuance that Centineo brings effortlessly to the character, and in a mentally diminished state at that! How impressive! There are times when I don't believe certain characters would make the decisions we're led to believe by the writers that they would make, but Centineo always brings a believability to the Jesus character that acting craft and series veterans, Stef and Lena (Sherri Saum) consistently bring to the table... That's saying something. The kid is good, period, and he's only getting better as the family & teen drama progresses. Paige clearly sees that Centineo has that 'it factor' and that fans are responding because he appears to be taking on a larger role heading into S5. He has storylines and arcs literally circling him, pouring out from every direction. His issues with Brandon (David Lambert) are clearly not over. He's just getting started with live-in biological dad, Gabriel (Brandon Quinn, who's also appearing to step into center stage)... Not to mention whatever breathes naturally from those storylines as everyone in 'The Fosters' tends to affect everyone else somehow, someway. Jude (Hayden Byerly) was literally a footnote in the episode. Although fans tend to enjoy storylines he's involved in (particularly in the relationship category), he's technically the most green actor of the main cast... But he's young and has plenty of time to hone his craft. He's just simply not ready to take the majority of the camera's time. Mariana (Cierra Ramirez) lent him a bit of her spotlight through her fight with privatizing Anchor Beach, another storyline that's clearly just warming up. I never thought I'd say this, but besides my obvious enthusiasm for 'Everything coming up Jesus' in S5, I'm really excited to see what road is taken with Callie's character. She clearly had some type of epiphany in the S5 opener, 'Resist', and I'm really hoping that instead of continuously pressing that self-destruct button like she's been doing for the entirety of the series, she finally blossoms as a character and learns that you can't help others if you can't help yourself. Cheers guys, by the end of S5 'The Fosters' will be hitting 100-102 episodes... If you're still with us at this point, you better not be going anywhere!

[serenagaywaterford]

14) possible. Huge mistake, imo" Yeah. The show is already dragging. If they keep this up, the series will eventually lose a lot of its charm and meaning. e) "So, without June around I feel like Serena will just go back to old ways. Which is ridic cos she is an intelligent, powerful woman when she actually has the balls." Indeed. It's like Gilead has taken its toll on her and reduced her to a coward. Pre-Gilead Serena was a firecracker, even if she was fighting on the wrong side (that sounded

15) manichaeistic, but you know what I mean). For the record, I do believe they’ll give her some sort of redemption at some point. I’m just a little pessimistic. How are they gonna sell it as plausible and organic after 2x10? We’ll see, I guess. f) “It was just such a prime example of exactly how they maintain power in Gilead and how they managed to get it working: estranging women from each other.” SO. MUCH. GOLD. Suffice it to say, I really liked that June confronted Fred, after she didn’t

16) manage to get through Serena’s walls (and pride).And don’t get me started on that white rose. Every single flower has a special meaning/symbolism on this show and given that the garden is the only thing left to Serena at this point (kudos for admitting that knitting sucks, Serena, I’m 100% with you on that LMAO)… Word though. That music box and the flower were certainly nice gifts (small steps are better than none), but I still think that Serena could have done better. If she could get rid

17) of Cushing that easily, she could have let June see Hannah. That would have been an EXCELLENT way to express her gratitude/show her kindness, but alas. As for June’s excitement with the gifts? I smiled, I couldn’t help it. But I also felt a little sad for her. She’s so used to Serena abusing her and treating her like a baby machine (instead of an actual person), that such a little kindness makes her happy af. It really astonishes me how empathic June is with Serena (funny aka not funny at

18) all how that same empathy doesn’t extend to Fred) in the finale, even after the 2x10 incident. She’s certainly got some Stockholm Syndrome going on, but it’s also not that simple? There’s the codependency (fuck you Fred), the intellectual compatibility (writer/editor), the fact they’re both victims of Gilead now and that they both didn’t try to burst their own personal bubbles when it mattered (pre-Gilead). Holly tried to wake June up of course, because things were looking grim, but June

19) ignored her. Damn, I could go and on about this toxic yet fascinating duo, but I’ll restrain myself.

———-

[I had to look up what manichaeistic means, and now I’ve learnt a new word! :D Also, yes, I totally get what you mean.] Firecracker is a good word. I feel like she’s one of those people who is super enthusiastic about ideals, and thinks they’re great ideas, and then… learns the hard way and is killed by their own ideas. (Literally or metaphorically.) She’s so interesting to watch because her pre-Gilead persona was quite a bit different, just in a different way than the other women. Hers isn’t so much a physical cage (like Handmaids and Marthas are literal slaves) as a psychological one. 

I honestly don’t know how they think they’re going to convince the viewers that Serena even deserves any sort of redemption story. 2x10 was a serious nail in the coffin. The only way I can even see it working if Serena suffers A LOT, shows genuine remorse and understanding, AND if we see things from June’s POV who gives Serena a pass for every single horrible thing she does. Serena is like June’s blindspot. It’s mental. Like you said, June is shockingly empathetic with Serena who doesn’t deserve it at all. She just never seems to give up on her no matter what horrible shit she does. Like??? And, yes, there is clearly some Stockholm Syndrome thing going on but it seems to me anyway, that June is very forgiving (most cos she has to be to survive physically and mentally) and that she’s really fucking good at compartmentalizing. If I’m correct about that last one, it’s going to come back and bite her in the ass one day and there will be a breakdown. You can only stuff things away in little boxes for so long before it all falls down. I have to think the relationship (whatever it is, antagonistic or cooperative) is so much more complex. 

I think to some degree, June sees Serena for what (a loser) she is and that is very scary for Serena, but for June it allows her to empathise a bit easier than most. I don’t think we as viewers even get many glimpses of Serena, just chilled out and herself as you would EXPECT a human being to be. One of those is 2x06 where I think the OG Serena comes thru esp the night fireside where Serena is like… a completely different person?? From the weird parroting of June’s slang, and probably one of the only times we actually see her smile authentically at feeling the baby move, to that weirdass attempt at bonding during that Handmaid party (wtf), she’s so socially awkward around women it’s unbelievable. (Maybe that’s the guilt when you’re faced with all these women your perfect society has enslaved!) But it’s like she really wants to make a connection for some reason. And then when June asks to see Hannah, and Serena just starts crying??? And we find out as she throws a plant pruning tantrum in her safe space lol it’s cos she thought her and June were actually becoming friends?????? LIKE. WHAT IS HAPPENING. What is this high school shit? That episode made it seem like Serena just really wants a girl friend and is pissed off cos she thinks June was only being nice to get close to her daughter –which duh. “I DID THESE WHOLE 3 NICE THINGS! WHY DOES SHE KEEP ASKING TO SEE HER KID? WHAT A DEVIOUS BITCH!!!!” (Clearly the other Wives aren’t real friends.) MAYBE, and I’m just throwing this out there, the best way to make friends is not kidnapping, enslaving, raping, and assaulting the girl you want to be your bestie lol??? Just a wild thought, Serena.

I’m not trying to woobiefy Serena, but when I watch that episode, it’s just such a different Serena than we’ve seen except in other glimpses (and usually those were just because Serena was directly getting something she wants), but in 2x06 she stays very consistent in it. And, incidentally, she doesn’t attack June at the end. She just runs off and sulks like a child. Then 2 episodes later, with Fred out of the picture, she’s back to wanting to be besties again, coming to June’s room and confiding in her and asking her advice and blah blah blah. It’s shit like that that make me wonder if that’s the side June relies on in order to be able to forgive Serena–for her own survival.

Maybe I give Serena way too much credit. That’s possible. She’s still an awful terrible person, but there may be a tiny sliver of humanity in there somewhere.

So if we see more of that Serena who doesn’t resort to violence every time something doesn’t go her way, and we view her thru June’s eyes rather than our own, perhaps they can finagle some sort of not-completely-bonkers redemption arc. But it’ll be really difficult imo.

ANYWAY. 

Yes, I thought those moments at Serena’s door and then going to Fred was brilliant. Like, you can see that June knows EXACTLY what is going on with Serena, and how disappointed and annoyed she is that Serena folded so easily, and now June’s on her own again so she has to go protect herself and kneel to the king to save herself.

I have mixed feelings about the music box. It’s so… trivial and stupid and juvenile on the one hand. It’s very symbolic on the other, even June sees it. The girl in the box. And then, when you consider that Serena likely has very little she can give to June in terms of physical objects (since basically Wives had to throw away everything) so she gave her her childhood music box which she was likely saving for her imaginary daughter. If you take it that way, it is meaningful. But that’s just fanwank really. And, it locks. That may mean nothing, but it may mean something. June has literally nothing else of her own that has any sort of privacy but Serena gives her a box AND the key to lock it. 

Honestly, lol, when I first watched 2x08 and Serena is like, “I won’t forget your help”, I turned to my friend and was like, “Was that a threat?” Like you just can’t tell sometimes with Serena. I was relieved when it wasn’t in fact a threat lol.

I agree SO HARD about the flower/music box gift in 2x08 though. Like, c’mon. Firstly, bitch, you’re recycling gifts now? You’re just giving her BACK something you took away to punish her. And a flower, which will die. With all her connections, she easily could have given June something about Hannah, either a visit or a photo or a drawing or SOMETHING. This is something I still don’t get about Serena: why she is SO FUCKING OPPOSED to letting June have anything to do with Hannah? Maybe you have a theory? It’s one of those things I don’t get. Is it cos she’s jealous June has a child and she doesn’t? Is it just a power play thing? WHAT THE HELL IS HER PROBLEM WITH JUNE AND HANNAH? Like, she easily could have June eating out of her hand if she arranged a visit(or two) with Hannah. Instead, she throws temper tantrums any time June brings up Hannah. IDGI. Sigh.

And yeah, if you really want to show June your gratitude, it takes more than a fucking child’s toy. And ITA. The saddest part was how happy June was just to have that box. She was literally hugging it like a child and it broke my heart. Like, that’s what she’s been reduced to by Gilead, and the Waterfords. 

(Side note: I feel like June is one of the worst treated Handmaids on a daily basis? Like, sure, Naomi doesn’t like Janine but they have a much nicer house, gorgeous room, she gets ice-cream, etc. Janine fucking BIT Naomi to the point she bled, and she doesn’t appear to be punished for it at all! Can you imagine if June bit Serena? All hell would break loose. There’s that Wife that feels for Emily and tries not to do Ceremonies, and she plays with the dog and stuff. And I don’t know how bad/good it was for Lilly, but she said she preferred it over her previous life. Meanwhile June’s trapped in the dark, musty attic and Serena insists on making her life extra-miserable every chance she gets, including not even allowing June to wean Nicole (intentionally).)

And despite that, June is still like, “Well, Serena deserves my kindness.” WHAT. June is a much better person than I would be. Then again, I can’t help thinking at least in the finale, that June felt a little guilt. Serena never would have lost a finger if she hadn’t pushed her to do it. BUT THAT’S MOTHERHOOD. Sacrifice not for yourself (like Serena does), but yourself for your children. I read some interview where the showrunners were saying the main line through S2 was June teaching Serena how to be a mother. And that really didn’t make sense to me for a while. And it really solidified June’s pure, unabated hatred for Fred. As if slapping him wasn’t hint enough, she leaves Serena’s room after comforting her, and confronts Fred about it. If I was Fred, I’d be even more concerned then than when I found the rose tbh. If June is willing to come after Fred directly after he had his own wife maimed, in defense of said wife, that’s some bond right there. But then, June doesn’t seem to give a fuck about Fred at all and isn’t scared of him at all. Which, is smart in a way, cos he’s so grossly obsessed with her that she can get away with virtually anything. 

“There’s the codependency (fuck you Fred), the intellectual compatibility (writer/editor), the fact they’re both victims of Gilead now and that they both didn’t try to burst their own personal bubbles when it mattered (pre-Gilead).“

OMG. OMG. OMG. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOMEONE SAYS IT!!!

That last bit is something I sort of keep to myself cos like criticising June isn’t on my list of fav things to do but I thought the show was trying to make it REALLY clear that June was pretty late to the party when it comes to Gilead. Like, she had so many warning signs, even Moira was calling shit out, and she just sort of went along with the Gilead prep. Holly (a lot) and Moira (to some degree) were both like “WAKE UP!” But June and Luke just la-dee-da’ed around like “Oh it’s not that bad.” There’s the bathtub analogy and she even comments on how nobody really paid proper attention when it was building. So, at least she knows. 

I’m not hating ofc. I think almost everybody would behave the same. You see it already in some places. So, I’m not saying June is terrible for not doing more and it’s easy for us to say, “OMG. If that shit started here I’d be outta America so quickly!” But, at the end of the day, most people just sit by and watch.

But I mean insinuating in any way that June deserves what she got gets the wrath of Hell. Not that I am saying that! Nobody deserves what those women get but it’s important to think critically about these characters and if June recognises she was idle until it was too late, I think as viewers we should be able to say the same. Without it being taken as victim blaming, which I am very much NOT doing.

Also, as an aside, I understand how problematic it can be to suggest that June’s forgiveness of Serena is the desirable outcome cos IRL I think forgiving abusers is a very dangerous path to go down. It never ends well. (Although I am also someone who counts restorative justice as a viable option for some crimes. I studied it for a term in uni and it’s not something I can discount. I don’t think punitive/retributive justice is always the answer. Note: I’m talking about Serena’s crimes against June specifically here; her other wider crimes require something stronger than a healing circle lol.) The only thing I can think of is the entire environment of Gilead is so different that perhaps if you remove environment, people can change. It’s a very dangerous game to play and I certainly wouldn’t suggest this to anybody in the real world... I just, I want Serena to get some sort of redemption--and I don’t mean “happy ending”. Just something... else. And I am not opposed in the THT universe to June forgiving her. Simply cos there’s a bit in the book (IIRC) about forgiveness being true power and it seems like the idea the show is playing with. It’s something I remember from my childhood indoctrination at church as well, this whole “forgiveness is power!” mantra. I’m not sure I buy it. (I think it could be freedom, but I dunno. I’m no theologian or philosopher.) Ah. I’m conflicted.

“Damn, I could go and on about this toxic yet fascinating duo, but I’ll restrain myself. “

PLEASE DO NOT RESTRAIN YOURSELF. IMO they are indeed the most toxic yet fascinating pair on the show and I could read your thoughts about them forever. Not to mention, I feel like the actors have really good chemistry and play off each other exceptionally well. Again, I can’t recall the exact interview but I think it was Yvonne talking about the process and she and Moss really walk thru it and figure out everything. All that work shows. Honestly, this cast is strong. Like I can think of 6 of them that are excellent, a few that are pretty good, and then some blahs (no names mentioned lol). Ann Dowd totally deserved that Emmy for S1 and I honestly, I know I’m completely biased and all, but Yvonne’s S2 performance was stronger than Ann, AND everyone else in that category tbh. So nuanced.

[njawaidofficial]

'Star Trek: Discovery' Premiere Explained | Michelle Yeoh

http://styleveryday.com/2017/09/25/star-trek-discovery-premiere-explained-michelle-yeoh/

'Star Trek: Discovery' Premiere Explained | Michelle Yeoh

September 24, 2017 7:30pm PT by Chris E. Hayner

[This story contains spoilers from the first two episodes of Star Trek: Discovery.]

  After the two-episode premiere of Star Trek: Discovery, it’s clear that the status of space is that of utter chaos. The first two hours of the CBS All Access drama introduced a new starship and its Starfleet officers, including the woman at the core of the drama, First Officer Michael Burnham (Sonequa Martin-Green).

  A human raised by Spock’s father, Vulcan Ambassador Sarek (James Frain), Burnham is unlike any previous Star Trek character. Her point of view shifts between the logical mentality of her surrogate home planet and human emotions, which ultimately in the first two episodes leads her down a dark path.

After Klingon leader T’Kuvma (Chris Obi) calls to unite all 24 houses in a war against the Federation, Burnham — in a bid to do the right thing for her ship — carries out a mutiny against her mentor, Capt. Philippa Georgiou (Michelle Yeoh). She attacks a Klingon vessel and her plan fails, prompting a fully fledged Klingon attack that cripples several Starfleet ships. Georgiou winds up dead and Burnham, filled with rage after seeing her human mentor die before her eyes, retaliates and kills T’Kuvma.

  It ignites the show’s central conflict between the human Federation and the Klingons, setting the stage for the 13 remaining episodes to come in Discovery. The events leave Burnham’s life in shambles: her mentor is dead, ship destroyed and she is striped of her rank and sentenced to life in prison for mutiny. This is where the true story of Star Trek: Discovery begins. 

  To break down the events of the first two hours and preview what’s to come from the rest of Discovery, THR spoke with showrunners Gretchen J. Berg and Aaron Harberts about where Burnham goes from here as well as how the loss of her mentor and her guilt over igniting the war will guide her going forward.

The premiere introduces this world and a number of characters but by the end of episode two, much of it is blown up to propel the story to what Discovery will be about. Building from those ashes, where does the series go?

  Gretchen J. Berg: The first two episodes is where we get to see her backstory. We get to see what launches her into the rest of the series and a lot of times, certainly on more traditional television series, you’d see that through flashback or hear about that through conversation. But we showed it.

  Aaron Harberts: It enables the audience to see in two episodes who she was, who she is in that moment and who she thinks she’s going to be. She’s convinced she’s going to be a captain, her captain tells her as much. To be able to show the audience who Michael Burnham is and how she’s functioning in walking down a path she’s convinced she knows where it leads, what it allows us to do in episode three is show you everything she’s lost.

  When we talk about Discovery, it’s not only discovery in terms of the cosmos and what Star Trek means, voyages of discovery externally. But it’s also so much a story about Michael Burnham discovering who she is as a human being. To watch her fall allows us to then have the audience invest in how she’s going to rebuild herself. And does she really want to rebuild herself in the same image as the person who came before?

  It seemed really vital to the character and to the journey we’re setting forth to really allow the audience to get a great two-hour glimpse of that. I think the other very important thing was to show the audience that war is a horrible, terrible thing. As Georgiou says, it’s filled with blood and screams and funerals. When you end this, you’re not cheering. You’re not cheering at the end of all of these battles. You’re left with this pit in your stomach, left with this loss. You are left wondering how does this organization pick itself up and dust itself off and how does this lead character do the same?

    As the show moves forward, she’s not only lost her ship — her home — but her human mentor as well. Why kill off Georgiou?

  Harberts: That was always a piece of storytelling that [former showrunner] Bryan Fuller and [executive producer] Alex Kurtzman had as the architecture for the first two episodes. For us, it’s a very old way of telling the story. Getting people invested in these two characters, only to yank one away. It was sort of subliminally designed to say to the audience, “You think you know what kind of Star Trek you’re getting. You think you see who your Kirk and Spock are. But they’re not. This is not your everyday Star Trek.”

  Not only was it important for Burnham’s emotional journey and the loss she’s going to carry the entire series but it was a really terrific way to announce that this show was going to defy certain expectations.

  How does the human loss and responsibility for starting the war with the Klingons impact Burnham? 

  Berg: She’s carrying it with her every single step of the way through the series. And going back to the idea of Georgiou alone, and casting somebody like Michelle Yeoh, we needed to make sure we had a character and an actress that, even if you don’t see her physically on the screen, you’re going to feel her absence because she leaves that kind of impact on Burnham’s life and on the audience’s life.

  It’s a constant reminder for Burnham. It puts her in a very vulnerable position. There’s this character who’s so sure of herself. Every choice in her life was made with a goal in mind and it’s all been ripped away from her. Now she’s starting from nothing. She thought she knew who she was and where she was going and the people around her were going to be constants. That’s all different now, it’s all gone. It’s literally discovery, somebody figuring out who they are and how they fit in with everybody else on the ship or around them. It’s a big part of the storytelling for us the first season.

Harberts: The other thing that happens with Michael Burnham when you pick up in chapter three, this is a human raised on Vulcan. Logic was a cornerstone of her education and then her seven years under Georgiou provided her with a certain amount of teaching about what it means to be a human leader and to use emotion when you lead. What happens in episodes one and two is Burnham makes a decision using logic based on advice from Sarek and it backfires. Then she makes an emotional choice, a very rash choose — one that’s made in microseconds and fueled by the heart due to the grief over her dying captain — to kill T’Kuvma, the very thing she said would make a Klingon a martyr and further the war.

  She’s made decisions based on logic, she’s acted on emotion. Neither has worked, so where does she stand? Her entire worldview has crumbled and she’s got nothing to hold onto. That was interesting for all of the writers because everybody on Trek, in all the other iterations, one thing they do share is they’re super competent. They know what they’re there to do. They know how to solve problems. They’re brave and intelligent and capable. This is a character who was all of those things and now feels like everything she believed in or knew of or tried has been called into question. So we find a very shattered individual at the top of [episode] three.

  There’s also the story of season one where we talk about Starfleet itself wondering who they are as an organization. War makes even the most idealistic organizations flirt with darkness. Burnham is also asking herself who am I and those stories are running parallel through the season.

  It’s said in the premiere that nobody has seen a Klingon in 100 years. Now, the Federation is at war with them and Michael killed T’Kuvma, making him a martyr. How much of the war will the show cover this season?

  Berg: The thing that’s interesting about that is how do you reach peace with an enemy or an other that you don’t know at all? What do they consider the compromise? Starfleet is so used to being able to extend the hand of “we come in peace.” What happens if the group you’re facing off against isn’t interested in the same outcome as you are? That’s something we thought was really interesting to explore. At the end of the day, Starfleet has to be Starfleet. We do have to hold onto optimism and hope. The war will last through the whole season. How do we stick to our ideals when the folks we are fighting with are not interested in our ideals and don’t share them?

  Harberts: And we’re going to be tracking the war from the Klingon side as well. We’re going to find out that T’Kuvma’s plan of Klingon unity may not necessarily come to fruition. We’re watching this war take its toll on both sides. Not only from the standpoint of who’s winning and who’s losing, but from the standpoint of how far is T’Kuvma’s message going? At what point do the Klingons turn on each other? We find that this war ends up having an effect in that it splinters many people that thought they were actually allied from the start.

    Georgiou’s relationship with Michael was parental in nature. How does that compare to Capt. Lorca (Jason Isaacs) and how he will relate to Michael on the USS Discovery?

  Berg: They don’t share the history she had [with Georgiou]. You see in the flashback in episode two that we’re to assume it was very hard-earned for Georgiou and Burnham to get to that level of closeness that we see up top when they’re on their mission to get the well going again. It is a completely different relationship with Lorca and she’s getting to know a new individual with a very different point of view on how to face war and what is necessary to win.

  Harberts: If Georgiou represents the absolute ideal version of a Starfleet captain, which is to say she has the moral authority given to her by Starfleet, Lorca represents the situational ethics that come into play during times of desperation and war. During times where sometimes the rules don’t apply when it comes to matters of life and death. He exists in a very gray area and he’s almost a captain that could only exist in this context. And, in fact, context if a very important thing for Lorca. He believes that context is what should decide actions.

  You use flashbacks to a young Michael with Sarek and Georgiou. Will you continue to use flashbacks to explore both of those relationships? Have we seen the last of Yeoh? 

  Harberts: We’ll definitely be exploring the parental relationship between Burnham and Sarek further on in the series in flashbacks. Georgiou will always be present in Burnham’s life, in her consciousness. We won’t be doing as many flashbacks with Georgiou but we do definitely explain and explore what happened to young Burnham at the Vulcan learning center in that horrific bombing, when Sarek brings her back to life. We explore how that event really cemented the relationship between this little human child and this Vulcan ambassador.

Star Trek: Discovery streams Sundays at 8:30 p.m. on CBS All Access.

Star Trek: Discovery

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