#i guess you could say i am rooted very deeply in my feelings.

[carebunart]

Mr. Yamato sir do you know that I love you???

[melloneah]

How would a female near, mello, and Matt be in your opinion? Would it affect the story?

oh. my. GOD. you have opened the pandoras box rn.

so tbh ive never thought about this before u sent me this ask but god do I have some stuff to say now that I’ve given it a little tinker

obviously this will be deeply rooted in my own belief system and personal experiences bc it’s undeniably connected to gender stereotypes and nature vs nurture

Prepare for a literal essay rn. Proper punctuation and capitalisation n shit.

To start, I wanna mention that my belief is that men and women don’t differ that much in behaviours and personalities inherently or biologically, but they’re raised based on stereotypes and assumptions which forms them into individuals that are either more masculine or feminine (behaviourally, so stereotypically). This is not including the slight biological differences that testosterone vs estrogen might cause, as i do not have much knowledge on the specifics (sorry I hate biology…) and obviously some people can be born with an innate tendency towards stereotypical masculinity or femininity in their personality.

This will require me to make some assumptions regarding how old Matt, Mello and Near were when they joined Wammy’s house. Also, obviously, this analysis will be based on if they were raised as cisgendered females; this is really important to analyse how their personalities could differ based on their experiences.

So let’s assume: they all joined Wammy’s House at a young enough age to have no real recollection of their biological families. This means that their guardians’ parenting styles had no real effect on their personalities (at least no effect on their typically gendered characteristics). This also makes it easier as we have a little bit of insight into what Wammy’s could be like in the context of parenting, while we have none on the biological families. This will still pretty much be a guessing game, but at least the guesses will be somewhat calculated.

Now we could be optimistic and claim that Wammy’s is “above” gender stereotypes and the (often unconscious) differences in raising girls vs boys. As much as I would love to believe this, I feel like the story being set in the early 2000s already negates it. I am a strong believer of the fact that society and your general environment greatly affect you, no matter how hard you try to break free of the mould. There will always be internalised beliefs and tendencies for certain actions caused by your environment that are just beyond your control, and they are often unconscious. Trying to change ones biases is hard work and a long process demanding self awareness and dedication.

Roger and Wammy are old men; as much as I’d love them to be allies💅 that don’t let gender affect their decisions and behaviour towards people, I do think the bias is inherently there to some extent. They wouldn’t decide against a girl being L’s successor simply because she’s a girl - they’re above that - but I do think as girls, Matt, Mello and Near could have a tougher time at the orphanage.

Ok moving on to specifically how/why it could affect their personalities. (god this is getting so long already I am so sorry)

Mello

We all know Mello has a super fiery personality and is filled with determination, so this one is the most fun to think about for me!!!

Most importantly, her looks would be very feminine. She’d love fashion, love skirts and dresses, and be stereotypical in that context, but would be VERY PROUD OF IT!!! EXCEPT. Her personality is canonically extremely contrasting to her looks/style. She’d get in so much more trouble at Wammy’s for being loud and bullying others, because it would just be more shocking for the teachers to see a girl act that way rather than a boy. There would be no concessions. No getting out of any smallest bit of trouble just because “boys will be boys”. But this wouldn’t make her timid; it was bound to fuel her anger even more.

It was infuriating to her when people saw a "girl in a leather mini skirt", and on account of that she wasn’t taken seriously in the pursuit of her goals. But when she acted up, all eyes were on her, and the punishment was always dire.

This also brings me to the fact that getting into the mafia was NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE. Nobody took this teenaged girl in stilettos seriously, so she had to improvise. Mello as a girl would have had to be far more ruthless in her journey trying to join the mob. Crueler. Angrier. Scare people by drastic means and desperate measures into finally taking her seriously and seeing her as worthy of respect. I think female Mello would have had much more blood on her hands, and would have been really scary...

I also think Mello would be a radical feminist. She would eventually HATE MEN as a whole, as she’d get objectified SO MUCH in the mafia. She’d just be completely done with their shit, so much so, that she would just channel her anger at an entire gender bc she was just fed. up. (and probably a little traumatised)

Her most hated phrase is “that’s not ladylike”. She values her femininity very much, and hates when people use empty stereotypes to belittle it. She can scream her head off at Near and still be a Lady!

Near

Studies show that autism is only diagnosed at a 4:1 boys to girls ratio, which means that if Near were a girl, she may not have had the access to as many accomodations. She’d still be supported in many ways, but it could be done hesitantly. Her timid behaviour and hobbies could be seen as “feminine”, meaning that if she’d ask for accomodations, the necessity for them could be doubted. (I know Wammy’s probably doesn’t officially diagnose, but Near imo desperately needs accomodations to simply function) (also, this section is very much so an “if” in my mind; it could happen depending on the level of unconscious prejudice in the orphanage, but it’s extremely dependent on the staff).

I don’t think Near being a cis girl would really affect the plot, though. I genuinely believe Near’s character transcends gender a bit, maybe he’s immune to the influence of different methods of parenting? He’s just himself and doesn’t care if people tell him he should “go out and play” or “just be a boy”.

Matt

We know the least about Matt’s canon personality, so this will mostly be based on what I believe him to be like. We know that he doesn’t care about much, and he likes games.

I think Matt is the most “boyish” of our Wammy boys, so in my mind, as a girl, she’d be quite the tomboy. Her personality wouldn’t be that much different. She could have been force fed more “girly hobbies” rather than gaming (not sure if he picked up gaming himself, or if someone introduced him to it). If he was in fact introduced by someone to video games, I believe that as a girl, she could have been shown different hobbies that are more traditionally feminine instead. Or maybe just a different game, like the sims? (the sims 1 came out in 2000 so could happen) then she could branch out into different games herself.

IT is also a very masculine interest in people’s eyes, so when she found an interest for it, she may have been slightly discouraged by teachers, but that didn't stop her, and as soon as she started being decent at it, the teachers respected it.

I do feel like as a girl, the one thing that would definitely change in Matt is his attitude. She would simply care more, as she’d spent her childhood fighting wearing skirts, fighting for her hobbies and trying to run from stereotypical femininity.

She wouldn't be particularly furious at the world, more irritated, so she wouldn't chew someone out for telling her to wear a dress for an assembly - she'd just flat out refuse wearing it and ignore anyone who'd try to persuade her.

She didn't understand why everyone is so insistent on a girl having long hair or wearing make up, and it made her feel like she couldn't be herself. She always wanted to feel like a girl, but kept feeling like it was against the rules without looking feminine. She spent a long time feeling out of place, alienated and desperately wanting to be part of a community.

Once she got comfortable with herself, I feel like she'd constantly pick up typically boyish hobbies to piss people off. (But she would genuinely enjoy them too of course!!) (and be entertained by people getting mad at stupid and pointless shit like a girl being into cars)

ok jesus i spent hours on this. it’s 1400 words. i dont know how i managed this. i struggle to write 500 word essays for uni……i am normal about death note i am normal about death note i am normal about death note 🙏 ummmm enjoy? and please let me know what you guys think!!!

[shi-daisy]

Hi! Dropping in to say I read your TomJake fic and I loved it. It really feels like it could be canon compliant. As to how the season's going do you think you'll keep it as is or edit it? And are you still rooting for them or even Jake as a whole?

Aaaaa! Hi anon! So happy you liked my fic! It has gotten such a good reception and so much love I'm excited to write for the fandom again soon.

To answer your questions I do think I'll edit the fic a little if only to include Tatsu who wasn't named at the time I wrote it, and maybe change a bit of Tom's part as I wrote the fic thinking he was an orphan but apparently he has a mom so I'd have to tweak some stuff and include her, maybe change the song too as I found one more fitting for it.

Okay TomJake. Oh boy, to be honest I'm slowly losing hope but holding on by a thread. These two still seem to deeply care for eachtoher but they get on their own way more often than not and while I will root for them till the very end it wouldn't surprise me to see them fall apart too. But we keep the hope until the last scene!

Now as for Jake as a solo character, I am still rooting for him too. Episode 10 has the the fandom divided as to whether or not we should root for Jake or wish for him to be next boot. Personally I want him to grow and losing the only support he has left is likely the only way he's gonna learn.

Many say he will spiral and I'll be honest I could see him having a breakdown next episode. But I don't think he'll give up, my guess is that while he has no reason to get the money, he could try and win it for Ashley's sake. He's in a horrible position now as the villains are 5 against 4 heroes and the other 3 heroes gunned for him last time so I'd like to see him play solo at least one episode as he slowly reels from Ashley's boot and from the heroes who lets face it will unfairly pin this fail on him.

Yes I say unfairly because even if he was an emotional wreck that wanted to throw the vote, the other four also threw the vote and that caused the villains to win it.

Ally hates Jake because of him picking fights and being volatile and I agree with her assessment that actions speak louder than words and that Jake was wrong. However as annoying as he is you need his number to at least tie a vote. For the time being if I was her I would've faked niceness and tried to get along with him instead of fueling the fire. She didn't and took the fight personal too and voted Jake. Okay, what if he goes? It's four heroes against five villains, you're toast unless the villains fall apart and they target other stronger players. Jake is a meatshield and she should've just kept it chill like Ashley and that way he won't go off.

Same thing with Aiden. Dude knows Jake has it out for him because of the previous misunderstanding and because he's petty and volatile. Okay, don't poke the poodle then, don't fight him, don't provoke him. Come episode 9, he starts shit. Dude I get that on 8 Jake was an ass but I highly doubt you taunting him will stop him from trying to win, hell you taunting him is what got him to throw hands on episode 9. Don't poke the angry dude if you don't want him to go off, especially if he does not like you! Quiet and unnoticed got him far in season 2. If he had done so here too, maybe Jake wouldn't have been so down to fight. Same in episode 10. The shot was accidental and Jake should've just shrugged it off and kept his yapper shut, but then comes Aiden and goes 'Don't take it so personal'...My man, you just said that to the dude who already dislikes you and takes EVERYTHING personal! What did you think he was gonna do? Give you a hug? The vote too again was dumb 'It's him or us.' The only targets you have are Riya and Gabby, Tom and Ashley are stronger and if voted could've taken the villains in a tie breaker. Shut the hell up, and everyone vote a villain. They didn't and that's what got their second strongest to go off now. It's not just Jake's fault even if he bears the most fault. Everyone fucked up this episode and are now all on the chopping block.

Self indulgent wish fulfillment ahead while many say Jake will apologize next episode I don't want him to. I want him to be silent, solo, and seething. I want the others to try and pin it all on him only to be told what I just said and for Jake to tell them 'You want me out next? Fine, vote for me again, but I'm not going down without a fight! I owe her that much at least!' I want him to make it clear they all fucked up and they can't pin it all on him alone.

I want Tom to try and apologize for the vote only for Jake to not care, and even say 'I did the same to you last season. We're even.' Let my man seethe and work alone for a bit. Let him make Tom earn him back if he wants him because while I understand his reasoning for keeping away he still ghosted the man with attachment and trust issues for two whole years, avoided setting the record straight, lied to him (knowing his trauma around lying), and topped it all off with voting for him which resulted on his beastie being the one taken out. Jake has every right to pull the plug even if temporarily.

I wanna see him maybe bond with Grett if Yul is still being the worst. Boy would recognize the signs from what he went through with his own abusive ex and probably throw hands with Yul (id pay to see that). I wanna see him and Gabby talk too, Gabby explaining how she feels about Ellie being voted and wanting to support her and while Jake loathes her maybe he could provide perspective too. 'She did this to me for money in season 1, she was going down the same bad path again and you know it. If you love her, win for her and help her but getting out was necessary Gabby and you know it.' Imagine him getting those two out of the alliance, imagine him helping get Yul out or even just fool thewhole camp into thinking he's still a mess while in reality he is secretly plotting their downfall while playing the unstable wreck again. I'd be screaming to see both villains and heroes gagged if he played it right and got the villains out, if he maybe made it further than he did last time. I really want to see my boy shine and shine bright. So yes anon, I am rooting for Jake and hoping he at least gets one or two villains out if he does not win it all, and if he does then let him help support his beastie and make Miriam proud.

As for him and Tom we'll see if it can be saved. I'm hoping for the best but I'm also petty and if our himbo cop pulls one more stunt, I won't be sad should Jake choose to cut the cord for good.

Hope this answers your questions! Thanks for the fic support!

[desertsandsnstarrysky]

I keep getting followed and stalked by this one Hetalia user named /@ragdollpie and a few of their followers on my social media. (One called

/@borzoimuffin I believe as well.) anyways,

Please if you respect the Jewish community and those who have had family in general during the holocaust block them!

They called me a Nazi fetish artist and that is basically a spit in my face. And very rude.

Because they got this way because their s/o or partner came onto my instagram and proceeded to insult my art and so I did… I did slip and say their art is an “eyesore” but you guys legit threw hands first, you could’ve just left me alone and ignore or block me, but you had to throw that dig in!

Did you expect me to not defend myself? While you guys basically went and stalked around for me?

…

And not only that but they are trying to basically find me on many other platforms after I initially tried to sent me a message on instagram the first time but my DMs would not go through and basically when I sent them screenshots about how their behavior was disrespectful and how I felt horrible being called a Nazi, the messages ended up not showing up.

So I don’t know why their intentions to do so was simply for pure control of the fandom, to call out unnecessary and make drama or what, but I’m not the type to make any issues at all.

So please for me. Do not engage with them if you support Jewish folk. Because they clearly shown their “pro Palestine” support by calling me a Nazi Zionist. (I’m neutral about Zionism by the way.)

And they are stalking me online. Which is absolutely absurd… like just leave me alone. If you find them anywhere in any platform, just block and disengage! Oy!

I’m not even PROMOTING NAZI BEHAVIOR! This was all in reference to how the ship existed because I’ve SEEN OTHERS IN THE PAST IN THE FANDOM SHIP THEM.

And also, the ship has a deeply rooted and complex emotional meaning behind it that HAS TO DO WITH MY OWN TRAUMA! Where and anywhere am I showing Nazi fetish at? With one picture!?! Really? 💀 don’t tell me they’re one of those “antis”

I know one thing, they sure are obsessed with characters like Greece and Turkey, whom committed an atrocities to the Jewish folk for HUNDREDS OF YEARS! So let’s CLAP BACK AT THAT … HMMM HOW DOES IT FEEL TO DRAW CHARACTERS THAT AUTOMATICALLY ANTISEMITIC BY DEFAULT?

but guess what??? I didn’t come find you and stalk you, and called you disrespectful things because you draw problematic history… You DID 🫵

I have enough brain power in one brain cell than in the amount your entire head and your little wolf hunting posse’s heads to know that if something on Hetalia bothers me and causes me discomfort, to block it!

BECAUSE I KNOW HETALIA HAS TOPICS IN IT THAT ARE LESS THAN FAVORABLE DUE TO HOW COUNTRIES/NATIONS ARE!

But you know what? I could sit down and decipher this down with you, piece by piece and you still wouldn’t listen or even be civil about it. So I’m done! Now LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!

Oh and if you have any fans who have had family killed in the holocaust, you need to be blocked by them! They need to really know how much of a antisemitic person you are! Disgusting! Do NOT CALL ME A NAZI!

I don’t give a fuck who you think you are… do not call a Jewish person a Nazi!

//slams fists on table over and over again

Do not call a Jewish person a Nazi! Do not! Do not! Do not!

I don’t care what the fuck you do with your life… do NOT CALL ME, A JEW A NAZI!

[caffernnn]

Free! Anniversary Fic Recs 🦋🐋🐬🦈🐧 Can you share your fav fics from each year (2013-2023) Free! has been around?

This is a very fun ask!! Lemme root through my bookmarks and see what I can find 😅

2013 - A lot of the stories I have saved from this time are shorter lil one-shots like “Never Leave” by Shimegami (classic mh hug-it-out interlude fic) and “The Sound of Settling” by teke (feelings realization stuff), but one other one I liked was “The Ocean You Gave My Heart” by miaoujones. Smut warning for that one (if that’s not your thing), but something about desert-bound Makoto learning to swim and indulge in water with Haru, thinking upon meeting him that he’s a wonder whether he’s really a mermaid or not, that’s neat!!

2014 - starting to realize the ones I kept any note of from the early years are some of the popular mh fics probably already recommended 10 times over, but there’s a reason why people sing their praises. If you haven’t checked out fics from tide tothemoon like 2/13189000 (mhtokyo my beloved), their writing is *chef’s kiss* delightful. Another AU I haven’t been able to bring myself to revisit was orihime’s reincarnation stories from “I cannot be without you, matter of fact.” There are two different stories, one where Makoto remembers their past lives and a follow up where Haru remembers, and oh that made me ache dude.

2015 - Speaking of suffering, have y’all checked out Heart’s Departure yet? I think we’ve referenced and talked about that story enough for it to speak for itself 🥴 heartbreaking circumstances but still cosmic and so so beautiful. Then, once you’re done crying about that story, hop over to “Shake the Heavens” by Ad_Astra to break down over (what I described in my ao3 bookmark) Makoto and Haru’s “inherently cataclysmic devotion.” I guess 2015 was the year of shoving the boys into tragic AUs and seeing how much they were willing to give up to get back to each other. A whole vibe

2016 - let’s goooo gamers, more AUs!! “I’d Create Oceans For You” by trashness is a fun fantasy adventure that has both tender moments and interesting action (and some banger art from donguris omggg). If you want something more future-fish-flavored that shows that happily-ever-after doesn’t save you from your grief, “Sublimation” by RedScribbler was great. You can find more of my thoughts on that one if you scroll back a bit in my “fic recs” tag — one of y’all sent it in and yeeees it was so up my alley!

2017 - Alright fellas, there are so many to choose from, because now we’re getting into the macbetha years! Who would I be if I didn’t mention “Eyes Wide Open All The Time” tbh?? It’s a long one with its own hard-hitting involved lore and world-building, but Beth builds this unique story in a way that pulls from the characters we know and love so effectively. I’ve sung the praises for this story multiple times (and could so do it again bro don’t tempt me) but I’ll end off with saying that if you’re fascinated in watching deeply-wounded people who’ve been put through hell learn how to make a life in the aftermath, there’s something special for you here. Aaaand, if you want something about 1/10 the length and not as heavy, “159 (Architect/Interior Designer AU)” by intoxicatedcinnamon has some fun moments 😌 that’s another one where you can find more of my thoughts somewhere in the fic recs tag (love when y’all send me stories 💚💙)

2018 - “Coral and Bone” by Macbetha my beloved!!!! Wanna play mermaids and fight the gods? Maybe try to find that summer magic that makes you want to keep going and accidentally fall in love on the way? I am puuushing you toward this story bestie. Everyone’s here and everyone’s having fun! OH ALSO I’m throwing in “Night Changes” by SEMellark because I love stories where Makoto and Haru actually figure out how to talk to each other. (Side note — a lot of these are probably gonna be things I’ve rec’d in the past, so feel free to scroll my tag for more details and consider this list an extra endorsement 😅)

2019 - (drops basket full of love for mutuals) OOPS OOPS OOPS!!! Don’t mind me, just popping in with some “Let’s Get Married” by sagesprouts and “Anthropocene” by testosterogna, nothing to see here but some classic natsunao shenanigans and one of the sickest elemental bender AUs out there 😌✨ I also have some fics from Svana saved from this year, but I’ll be mentioning her again later so hold on okay!!

2020 - alright, now the list is getting longer with everyone jumping back in during the early pandemic days 🏃🏻‍♀️SO FIRST OFF “green eyes, you’re the one I wanted to find” by infinite_always is an absolute FLUFF FEST of a soulmate AU! Unbearably tender moments but who doesn’t love that every so often? OH AND we have another one of my all-time ultimate fic recs here!! “Reaching” by CupNoodles55 has shaped and reshaped how I look back at Eternal Summer in the way I’d want any great canon-compliant fic to. Big love for interlude scenes and extra bits that help recontextualize or deepen what a moment could’ve meant in the show. Gonna end off 2020 with “The Sea Aflame” by Dizzydodo because even though this urban fantasy story is unfinished, I was super drawn in by the prospects of dragon!Makoto and whatever god stuff was going on with Sousuke. An interesting universe I love thinking about again from time to time.

2021 - Starting off strong with “love on the water, love underwater (and so on)” by rudimentaryflair because we love introspection here!!! Lovely writing style with lines that make me want to scale the walls. This take on Makoto is so so special. Also gonna rec “To Clear Away Today” by suhmayzooka (omg hiiii) if you want to be thrown into another hard-hitting intricate AU with loads of potential. Love exploring what we’ve got to see of the world so far 💞 and OOOH IT’S TIME!! “Extraordinary” by Svana_Vrika is basically canon to me at this point. Svana has a lot of sweet shorter stories with Makoto and Haru (look here, look here), but this one is everythinggg my guy. Similar appeal to “Reaching” mentioned earlier: a story of interludes that bring the story we already know to life in a delightful new way. Required reading for mhtokyo fans forreal. ONE LAST ONE OKAY!! “Teacher” by VeloxVoid is a great future fic with teacher!Makoto and artist!Haru (and I’m not biased just bc it was a gift exchange for me with details fit to my specific tastes wdym🧍🏻). Domestic blisssss

2022 - Ooh we’ve almost caught up y’all ☺️ gonna start with “All This and Heaven Too” by SocksAreArgyle because sometimes the bestie crafts a smorgasbord of smut with a delicious throughline of character/relationship development baked in. If you want your choice of spicy makoharus or some character exploration, you’re SET with this one. Next is “I Let My Heart Go” by martincrieff because sometimes the bestie looks at poor pining Makoto and goes “you know what would be messed up?” AND I JUST !!! So full of love and now full of flower petals. Hanahaki!Makoto my dearest boy!! Aaaand ending off the year with some tender mh (to Ikuya’s detriment) in “The Night Train” by Lizzyboo. They’re so softtt with each other and UGH this story is so nice. Love watching people take the crumbs from FS/FS2 and make a meal 💜

2023 - The year is young! And old! So here’s some more, with who knows how many bangers yet to come 🎉 First going to throw in the Makoharu Week 2023 collection for your perusal because I saw some fantastic stories emerge from that event. If you have twitter, I’d recommend also seeing some of the threadfics posted over there from the event as well 💚💙 and I thiiink I’m gonna close off for now with “just like it was always meant to be” by tonfea because they’ve been putting out banger stories that deserve all the love. Haru introspection is one of those things that isn’t always done very well (which is especially hard to reckon with in older fics) but tonfea’s stories all have an intimate understanding about Haru’s mind and journey that just makes sense.

Alright hello we made it to the end!!! Might’ve thrown in more than expected but I hope makoharu enjoyers find something on this list that fits their fancy 🥲 (and if anyone wants to rec something or ramble about a story here that they loved I’m all ears)

[lady-lycany]

Everytime I wanna come online and throw a wild -kin guess in a new post, I instantly stop myself from doing so, cuz nothing feels nearly as real and true as being a werewolf to me. Nothing comes even remotely close to that. The only other kind of certainty I have, is that I have a very close connection to Spirit (stallion of the cimarron), but since nothing compares to the connection with being a werewolf, I never know, If I can call anything else a kintype. I don't even know, If I want to keep calling being a Faoladh a kintype. I mean, logically spoken, I'm aware, that I'm in a human body... That I can't possibly be able to transform, and that werewolves aren't an actual thing on this planet (or they're just good at hiding/extinct) But I feel like, the knowledge and the feeling of being a Faoladh is so deeply rooted in every way of my existence that... Idk... It's a big part of who I am, a part, that I tried so hard to unlearn... But this part has always been there... I mean, have you seen the posts about the cave in Ireland, that's supposed to be the entrance to the otherworld? (I still can't believe how I knew all this stuff before ever researching if it's an actual thing or not)

Like yea, I have some other animals I feel close to, or that I have a connection with. I was a little in denial about shiba inus but yea... I'm not sure of I can deny it any longer lol. Then as I said, Spirit is the only one, I'd say the connection is the strongest with, after Faoladh. And the next wild guess I wanted to throw in just now, was when it comes to the random urge to fly and to have wings- could be some sort of macan. But I don't know nearly enough about it to confirm this. And this is what I mean. Like I have all the knowledge about being a Faoladh in me, I just found the term of it recently. And the only problem is with the furcolor. But anything else I'm aware of. Meanwhile, when it comes to shiba or macaw or whatever, it doesn’t feel as close and well known, I don't have enough answers inside of me to confirm anything.

So this post is once again a huge rambling about, how I have other- much weaker connections to animals, but not nearly strong enough to actually say "yea that's an actual part of me" (only spirit could be actually a fictionkin of mine. That's the only thing, I have the guts to confirm lol. Anything else are just guesses or... yea... I start to repeat myself heh)

[ragewrites]

my younger sister died by suicide the week before her fifteenth birthday. as a twenty-five year old, your poem (fifteen speaks to twenty five) resonnated with me deeply. i've been re-reading it in the hours since i came across it, and i guess i just wanted to say thank you for writing it <3 it's a really beautiful piece and it feels very stark and powerful.

(also - and this is absolutely not a condemnation of you in any way - but my family try to say 'died by suicide' rather than 'committed suicide', as the only other time you would use the word 'committed' is in the context of a crime, which implies the person in question is a criminal rather than someone who was hurting.)

Firstly—all my love to your little sister. Whether it was peace or oblivion she sought, I hope she has found it.

Secondly: I will try to be as clear as possible with my words, so by the end this post might be rather lengthy. Apologies. Know that none of it is a rebuke, only a response to the latter half of your message.

Using the word ‘committed’ was a deliberate, conscious choice. Not because I was trying to apply, or rather imply, any kind of moral connotation to the act of suicide, but because I wanted to provide you—General ‘You’, Reader-You—with the context in which the poem was written. This context being, as I was celebrating my twenty-fifth birthday, my thoughts kept returning to a decade ago, when I nearly killed myself not even halfway through October.

I believed this information essential; as it is both sensitive and extremely private, however, I wanted to be succinct when providing it.

You, general, reader ‘you’, needed to know that the poem is a conversation between myself at fifteen and myself at twenty-five: you also needed to know that I almost killed myself before I could grow to be either of them. You needed to know these two things, no less, no more.

I chose the word “committed” because it was, to me, a diplomatic enough compromise between the blunt impact of I nearly killed myself and a phrase I personally loathe, I nearly took my own life. A diplomatic enough compromise which nonetheless preserved some of that sense of violence the word ‘kill’ has.

Because it is a violent act: the word itself is a Modern Latin construct meaning self-murder, one which the poem tells you (general, reader ‘you’) I am incredibly glad I did not go through with. Frankly it never occurred to me that someone would assume I might be moralizing the act.

Granted, how an individual understands and uses language is deeply personal; you yourself are likely aware of this fact, given your conscious, careful phrasing of the subject. And I recognize the kindness behind your intention in sending this ask, recognize that you likely only meant I could / should be a little more careful with my phrasing in the interest of exercising compassion.

But that’s precisely the crux of what frustrates me.

“[...] the only other time you would use the word 'committed' is in the context of a crime, which implies the person in question is a criminal rather than someone who was hurting.”

This is a statement of generalization. One you are making to the very person who was discussing, however briefly, however veiled by the medium of poetry, her own history with suicidality.

You did not verbally condemn me for my phrasing, yes. Nonetheless, consciously or unconsciously, you did assume something about my stance on the morality of the matter. Not that almost dying myself of suicide, as you put it, precludes by default the belief that suicide is a ‘sin’ or otherwise somehow immoral, of course—and that’s the point.

You do not know me. I am a stranger whose poem you read and rather liked, and that poem, in isolation nothing more than a bizarre fragment of conversation, is all the information you have about me. You can infer from the text that I likely believe in God and that this God of mine probably roots in some flavour of Christianity, but that’s about it. Keeping the caption so short, I thought at most people would believe me pretentious. But moralizing?

Frankly speaking, the biases you assume implicit to the word are in this instance yours and yours alone. Not only because committed is perhaps more often used adjectivally, in its sense of “devoted to”, but because I was speaking strictly about myself, about my own acts and my own person. Even if I had been moralizing the act—isn’t this a little too presumptuous of you?

What right do you, a stranger, have to advise me? The very fact that you attempt to do so makes me assume that whether or not you are aware of it, you already believe your own moral position to be superior.

Again, I am giving you the benefit of the doubt by also assuming that you came to me in good faith. If true, I appreciate the kindness of your intentions; but you do not know me.

You know nothing of me as a person, of my social and religious background, of the web of circumstances which shaped me and affected me so profoundly so as to put me in that precarious a state of mind at the age of fourteen. You are a stranger, so you also have no way of knowing, for example, that as someone who has struggled with suicidal ideation since childhood, I actually abhor this sort of distant, passive verbiage. No way of knowing that to me all it does is reframe suicide as a sort of tragic accident. What kind of raw nerve that is for me.

And this is not a rebuke; it’s far from any actual anger, really. It’s simply a statement of fact. You do not know any of this and it is only natural that you don’t, because these are interior, intimate details, the sorts of things only my best friends are privy to.

How you and your family, as the bereaved party, choose to approach and discuss suicide is strictly your business. I do not know how long it has been since your sister’s death, but I do know that the loss of a loved one, regardless of the circumstances in which it happened, is something we carry with us our whole life. I wish you all the best in navigating and managing your grief.

But you must understand that I myself represent the party which almost bereaved the person dearest to me, my mother. And it is from this position that I kindly ask you to perhaps think twice when you next find yourself reaching out to a stranger on the internet about such a charged topic.

[thousand-winters]

What are your favourite tlh characters and why?

Hi there! ✨

If you have seen my blog the past few weeks, you probably can guess some of them, but here we go:

Grace

I feel like Grace is one of the most complex characters we've ever gotten in TSC and it feels like such a breath of fresh air. Don't get me wrong, I am perfectly aware that these are YA novels, so I generally don't expect the books to be super amazing, I know what I'm signing up for, but that's precisely why I like her so much. Her personality is very unlike other female characters we've gotten in the series and I don't mean that in a "not like other girls" sense but in the sense that it caught my attention immediately, because CC doesn't have the best track of giving her girls gray morality without treating them like they suck for that.

I guess I was always curious about her? Even in CoG she gave the impression she was more than she seemed, and reading her backstory in CoI just made me hurt for her and root for her to have a happy ending after so much misery. There's something really satisfying about characters that have faced so much hardships finally getting a chance to simply be.

Alastair

Oh, boy. When I first read CoG and I read about Alastair, he felt to me so much like my older brother that I loved him immediately. It helped that I found his snark incredibly funny. However... as I kept reading TLH, he actually started reminding me of, well, myself. For many reasons, but let's not get too personal here, haha, let's just say I found his flaws, his struggles, and his stubbornness to go on in spite of that very relatable. How could I not love him deeply and dearly?

Aside from my biased reasons, I also find that his character is written very consistently and I loved his character arc (I stand by how simplistic some things felt in COT, but even so), how he had his highs and his lows, that was very nicely done. He also feels like a complex character because he's allowed to fuck up badly and it doesn't get swept under the rug, though I would say they go the other way with him and Grace by being too harsh, but I'll take my wins where I can.

Christopher

Oh, Kit, sweet Kit, you were the best of them all. Christopher is such a great character because, while mostly ignored the first two books, he's endearing practically without trying. CC's books have this thing where sometimes they try to convince you a character is likable for X reasons and it simply doesn't work for me that they tell me that I should love a character.

Christopher doesn't have that problem, they kinda present him to you as this klutzy nerd, but he's so much more than that. His logic helps him be the most compassionate and kind from the group, no matter what the narrative tries to tell you. He's perceptive, he's fair, he's fun. Who doesn't like Christopher even if he isn't their favorite? He knows what he is and what he wants and he follows through with it, he's such a pillar of the group that passes unnoticed because he's always in the background, but by the gods, he's so good.

Honorary mentions

Thomas and Ari.

I adored Thomas in CoT, though I must admit he doesn't spark my curiosity and excitement quite like the other three did, in the way that I would get immediately engaged the second I saw their names on the page. Nothing wrong with him, just my personal preferences, but he was truly funny and sweet and I quite liked that!

Ari... I do like her, in a way, I wanted to like her so bad, but she's trapped as the love interest in Anna's narrative, and given that I have no love for Anna's character or their pairing, it was hard for me to enjoy her appearances. She didn't have a chance to shine on her own, but when I think of all the ramifications of her story, I swoon a little. She could be so interesting.

[celestialsyndicate]

This will be sort of a long post but I need to talk.. It's pretty deep. If anything else should be warned, please always feel free to let me know. We sometimes have difficulty remembering what all something contains outside of the warning themselves. This has seemingly a lot of mentions of programming.

TW: overall blanket RAMCOA, specifically RA (magyk,halloween), day time/night time, C/SA

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The ritualistic behavioral patterns we displayed never seemed apparent because it was normal to us. Our spiritualism seemed natural because it was all we had known since birth.

*All we had known since birth.*

It's difficult because our magyk is something sacred to us. It keeps us going. It's how we've made strong connections. We've taught it. Practiced in every day life. Our youngest friends we made by teaching them magyk. Nothing harmful, thank fuck....but we've always been inclined. It was something we were praised for when we were young. Something we vaguely remember like echoes through a tunnel.

It's so complicated because they created this divide in us as well. Christianity and...I would say more so Luciferianism. We viewed both sides of things. It was so deeply ingrained. Then our grandmother who taught us our native culture and roots. I very much understand why we are omnistic.

But the thing that always stuck is....we never knew how we knew things. We never remembered the night time. I could tell you how to and why you should use a pendulum as early as I can remember. Summoning spells for angels and demons, precautions. I knew sigils. I never questioned.

I'm learning now I have my own subsystem. I've always known there were other "me's" sometimes I would feel like a different version of myself. Didn't quite feel the same. Remember other things. I'm the keeper to the knowledge. I'm the teacher. I'm the one who asks questions. Unfortunately it gave me my answers after long enough of connecting puzzle pieces. Just how everything connected so perfectly without even me realizing. My mind keeps wanting to ask more but now I have this answer and I've seen the catastrophic results. I'm satisfied to go with what comes.

I guess. Sometimes even gatekeepers need to fragment to withstand the memories you have to hold. I know I have several libraries. There are books that I dare not touch because of the feelings they give me. They are dark and black billowing things. They turn my stomach sideways. I'm satisfied to wait until they call to me, I guess I will know the time. Things always happen in synchronized timing somehow. All as it is meant to be. I asked the universe to tell me the truth. I asked the universe to help me live authentically. I said I would reach in to the shadows of who I am and I'm not one to back down from the fear.

I understand the weight that weighs behind my mind and I am willing to proceed with that understanding.

It's easy. For people to watch true crime. To watch horror movies and distance themselves from it. I have been conditioned to watch in abject horror but it stopped working. We stopped feeling it. Some of us are desperate to feel it again. Watching it to regain a sense of humanity that feels stolen from us.

The weight. Is easy to forget, when it is not you. The weight is a game. A fun little fright. On halloween you go trick or treat.

Blood. Is shed.

I feel the weight. I want to feel that weight. I want to carry that burden. Someone has to feel it. It has to be felt. Sometimes I grow tired of the people who close their eyes to it. I wish I could shake them and tell them they can't just ignore it out of existence. Sometimes it feels like I'm in a nightmare every day I know it's ongoing. Like I feel the weight of all the sins. Like I can feel their pain. Their torment. I feel them when I cry. I feel them when I see true crime. I remember the survivors and feel that weight. Praise the strength they forced to survive and will them comfort when they can come to put that weight down with tired, shaking, muscles.

Terror is real. It's a real thing. It's happening all over in the world around us. It's *why* you _must_ appreciate love and breath and warmth and comfort. You have to. You have to. It's not promised. There are those of us who have had to find it in the darkest of places. Some eyes snap shut like bunker doors to stories like that, refusing any of it to be truth. It leaves the rest of us out in the nuclear winter of this terror.

IT EXISTS. IT EXISTS. IT EXISTS.

Children are hurt. Children are dying. There are terrible, awful people who do awful things. You have to love, and be kind, and be compassionate. How can you not? How can you not? How can you stand in the face of a nuclear winter and tell it it doesn't exist just because your eyes are cemented closed.

I live becauae there is torture. Not to rage. Out of spite and from love. I love green. I love sky. I love thunder and rain. I love smiles and holding someone when they need it most. There is suffering. It's why there has to be love. Balance right? That's what they taught us?

Well if there was truth in ancient wisdoms slammed in to my fucking head. It means there's some goddamn balance. I have to live. I have to speak. I have to love. For all the hell there is. For all the ones who don't make it. For all the one's who try and fail. For all the one's who aren't believed. For myself. For my family member who begged us to never speak of it and forget.

Because my abuser died and I lived. And that means something. Happy anniversary month to your death. Fuck you very much.

And to the dismay of some in my system, I will continue to speak our truth and stand in that. He was not a good man.

It feels good to be able to come on to here and let the pain out. It's not all I am, like I said, there's more to life; but it's empowering. To stand in the shadow of truth.

They told me power comes from pain. I've found it's one of many ways to become wise. That's what they always said, I was wise, for my age. Wise beyond my years. The older we get the more I remember things and research to find it's yet again, some anciet magyk. The rituals are at the core of who I am.

From what I know it's very likely it started before birth. We know our mother had been abused during the pregnancy, aimed at us in utero.

Pandora's box has opened. It feels like falling down the rabbit hole. Even hearing us talk now I can hear it all echoing.

I just want to know how many people were implicit in it. Who can I even trust? How deep does it go? I thought I knew what our trauma was. But this...the floor fell out from under me. The lingering dark took me whole.

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Tw: Symbology, selfharm, electrocution, survival, christianity

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We always had nightmares of our first known alter being tortured on black and white tile. She would be chained with black chains and electrocuted. Later in life she took to wearing a long black chain wrapped around a belt loop, she would use it as a whip. She used to keep a knife in her boot too. We always did. Always did weird things with knives. Never thought about it. How we would black out and start cutting in precise precision strokes over and over the same one with an exacto blade. As deep as those were and still those scars are barely visible. We used to come home with scratches on our back and all over our body. Our mom saw one time. Just the once? What other scars might be hidden? Why did we mxstxrbate with a knife?

There was a scab on our head that never went away. Another in our belly button.

We had digestive issues as long as we could remember. But when the nightmares started coming back during our puberty it got so much worse.

The constipation...we've found it's often caused by clenching so tightly in expectation to be hurt.

We were the first one in our class we knew to get our period.

We always used to feel detached from others. Used to play "survival" in our free time. See how long we could run away from home and if we could live in the woods.

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Why did we get the desire all the time to stand on specific streets with a rxpe me sign? Why could we feel such an intense struggle back and forth over that? Why was it such a need? Why do we get triggered and flee and run and get the desire to do this? Is this a punishment?

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You can't tell me it didn't happen. That the oldest one of us called your symbol her sigil for as long as we know. She said her name meant star. She was an angel. She took the beatings for us. She took the pain. And she fractured for it. She cried to a god that did not respond. She cried to a god she was forced to put faith in. And yet, it's as if he punished her for existing. Punished us.

Created us for their own gain. It's still difficult to interpret. The information as it unfolds is dark and it leads me to deeper places. I feel like I learn more about the world the more I learn about the burning Why's. I have to love. I have to love. I have to live. Until there's nothing more. I have to. To survive all this not to love? Not to smile? To laugh? To cry? To mourn it all?

It exists. It happened. It happens. There are scary monsters who lurk in the dark.

Once you learn to hunt in the dark and expect to see them, it gets easier. A good hunter learns what it's hunting. Know thy enemy right? Right?

Pull them from the shadows.

I am not afraid.

-⚜

To those in system overseeing my posts, please don't delete it. I beg you stop silencing us. I beg you to allow us to let our pain free. I don't want to be chained to it, or ashamed of it. I said I wanted to live my truth. Trust I will do my best to support all of us in this. We will find our way through. They don't deserve our voice.

[tsukimefuku]

Find the Word...Love Edition!

Thanks for the tag @fattybattysblog! I guess I have... most of these? To be found out.

I'll tag @redlikerozez, @delirious-donna and whoever wants to join!

Words for me to find:

Sweetheart, Doll, Partner, Love, Heart

Words for you to find:

Dear, hug, kiss, caress, feeling

Sweetheart (Jujutsu sorcery and how the legacy stays alive)

He pulled you in for another kiss with his arms wrapped around your waist, and kept your body pressed against his for a while.  "Okay, sweetheart" he finally said, as you smiled. "What wouldn't I do for you?" "Not much, I hope" you replied, biting his bottom lip softly. He hissed, his body becoming tense, and his grip on your waist turning tighter. He slid the tips of his fingers behind your neck, and drove them up your hair, giving it a soft tug at the roots, stealing a gasp from your lips.

Doll

Oh, this one I won't even try to find. I dislike this word with a passionate dedication, I'm certain I've never used it, nor will I ever. 😅

Partner - (Where does your mind drift?)

"It would be a bad idea, wouldn't it?" You asked, a little defeated. Nanami sighed. "Yes, it would be ill-advised." The life of jujutsu sorcerers, where you could die at any moment in time, leaving someone broken and heart broken behind, was usually a lonely one. Both of you knew that very well, haunted by your own losses and ghosts from the past. You sighed back, and extended your hand in his direction for a handshake. "Partners in crime?" He pondered for a second, then took your hand and shook it. "Colleagues in arms." You sighed, yet again, this time breaking eye contact for a moment before looking back at him. "You never give me an inch, do you?"

Love - (It takes one to know one)

"I am wholeheartedly in love with you." The sorcerer pressed his forehead against yours, and kept looking at you. Your heart throbbed and whirled content, and you could've wept of joy at this very moment. "And how are you currently feeling about me?" You stuttered for a moment. "I am sincerely falling in love with you." He chuckled, and nuzzled his beautiful hooked nose against yours. "Always a step back." "What can I say?" You responded, while giggling. "You know me." "I do. That's why we're here." He replied, kissing you. It felt like the sweetest golden honey had touched your tongue after you survived swallowing coals and bitterness for so long. Please, don't ever leave.

Heart - (Lover's Pass)

"You were not saving me, or sparing me, when you made that decision by yourself. You broke my heart. You wanted to protect me, and I understand that. I'm thankful for that. But you did it all wrong." He sighed deeply. "Could you find it in yourself to forgive me?" You gazed at him. "I forgive you. But I can’t forget this. And even if I can still trust you with my life, I don’t think I can trust you with my heart again." These words cut through him like sharp blades. Hearing them felt worse than he had anticipated. "That's reasonable." He finally replied, defeated.

These are all the excerpts I could find :) This was pretty fun, actually!

🦉

[eth3real-ess3nce]

Manifestation tips?

Honestly it's time to talk about this 😅 I want to share some of the experiences I've had.

What I have learned about manifesting, is that it always comes with a price. This is mostly true in cases where you're NOT ready for the things you're requesting for.

I know this might sound awful to some, but trust me when I say this. However, keep reading if you will, so I can better explain myself ❤️

One or two years ago, I was a lonely girl. I wanted to manifest a relationship. Also I want to mention here that I did that with my best friend. We were very specific with our desires, even. We'd say "oh, I want him to have this and that". I don't intend to write here these two qualities because they're a bit embarrassing 🤣

Next thing I know, I find myself downloading Tinder. Amongst the unbearable process of finding a good match (😂) I found him. Shortly after exchanging social media accounts, we both deleted the Tinder app. Chemistry was crazy. I was feeling in love. He had stated that he wanted to keep it going with me because he saw a future. We'd plan on vacations, dates, etc. I was on cloud 9 for weeks. He even seemed to correspond to my emotional needs and that I could trust him wholeheartedly.

We only went on one date. It was dreamy, but the situation started going downhill. A few days later, I started becoming a bit paranoid and afraid that he wouldn't act right with me. I'm not this person now, but when I was, I wanted to have full control of how a situationship would go. I'd only be pleased when I knew that the other person needed me more than I needed him , that I was 100% certain about his intentions towards me. This is when my manifestation only started to backfire.

Can you guess what happened, eventually?

He ghosted me. Out of nowhere. Confirming my biggest fears AND my biggest disgust; cowardice. (Note that I never ever acted crazy or controlling towards him, so in fact I didn't intentionally "push" him away.)

I was left heartbroken. For days, I'd be depressed and angry. Needless to say my best friend's relationship failed as well.

Wanna know why that occured?

I attempted to manifest something I energetically wasn't aligned with. If your heart carries unresolved pain and resentment, if your self-esteem is not high enough, if you are trying to reach for something out of desperation to fulfill your unmet emotional needs, it will backfire. And it will give you exactly the energy you're subconsciously putting out there.

So, it doesn't matter what manifestation methods you are using or how hard you try to stay positive and believe in it. Your first and foremost task is to dive deep. Take a look at your core beliefs.

What are core beliefs, and why do they matter?

Core beliefs are our most deeply held assumptions about ourselves, the world, and others. They are firmly embedded in our thinking and significantly shape our reality and behaviors. In fact, nothing matters more than our core beliefs.

Let's do it with examples.

You want to manifest money. What was your main belief about money while growing up? How would your parents handle it? Did they make you feel guilty and that they must work their asses off in order to get what you wanted? Did they state that money is root of all evil? Were you brought up in poverty? The collective poverty issue is that money is linked with survival. If you view money as your only method to survive, you instantly vibrate in a low," desperate " energy, therefore no results. I am not saying this in a judgemental way I am just explaining how it universally works. I grew up in a poor household and my parents would guilt trip me all the time about money, so for all my years of living, I was never in a receptive state. As an adult I'd work my ass off 12 hour shifts for a shitty paycheck because subconsciously I thought I had to suffer in order to receive money, just like my parents did. I would reject offerings, or believe that I wasn't worthy of them. Key-word worthy. I'm telling you, the moment you start viewing money as a TOOL to do things instead of a way of surviving, your life will become much more convenient financially. I promise you because I've been practicing it. And guess what? I don't have to listen to subliminals all night and do spell work anymore. I am just in a state where I am able to receive. It is not an easy process, but it is the most effective and promising. The moment your perspective on money changes, you will naturally start to train yourself to get it.

You want to manifest a loving relationship. Again, let's take a look at your core beliefs. Think role models. How was the relationship between your parents growing up? Did you have an absent opposite-sex parent? What does love mean for you? Did you know that 9/10 times we attract our opposite sex parents in our relationships, if we haven't healed? Psychology talks about this a lot. If for example, as a woman, your father was non-committal and addicted to substances, it's very likely that you will attract partners that function in the same way. Basically you are seeking the emotional validation your parent didn't give you, through your romantic relationships. Another group of people have 0 experience in love and have this burning desire to get to know how it feels like. But the trap here is that they feel behind in life therefore they act out of 'desperation'. No such thing as 'behind in life', buddies! This is just society's fictional deadlines and expectations, which have also shaped your core beliefs. Another common core belief could be "oh I have to be handsome and attractive and really smart in order to be loved by someone". This by no means serves you, because you let superficial things define your WORTH as a human being. Let me make this one thing clear, your worth must not be defined by your physical appearance, achievements, intelligence, skills. This is one of the main reasons the collective is suffering so much. We tend to believe that a romantic relationship will free us from all our pain, unfulfilled emotional needs and satisfy our thirst for affection. This is a destructive mindset that only serves repeating toxic patterns leaving you hurt in the end. Therapy could help you simplify these things in your mind (because each case is different) and therefore make it easier for you to be receptive towards love. Accepting love not out of desperation, but because you're simply worthy of it and worthy of experiencing its full, purest form. To love means to expand, to learn, everything good. Why repel it by chasing it ? Again, this is a very serious and complicated matter so it would be beneficial for you to do shadow work / start therapy or I suggest starting with watching well-informing videos like this and this

Now you might wonder: what about manifesting simple things like objects or something that would casually be convenient in my everyday life? I'd say go for it. But the tip for effectiveness is this ; re-shaping your core beliefs into being receptive. If you acknowledge that you are powerful enough to change what you don't like about yourself and your reality, you will eventually have it.

Only using manifestation methods without doing the inner work is ineffective, because a negative self belief is clashing with a positive thing you're trying to bring into reality.

As you expand and radiate love and calmness instead of desperation and fear, your desires will come naturally to you. And manifesting will become an effortless thing for you.

I truly hope I helped. ❤️😊

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Headcanon time!

On the subject of onesided Albert>>William.

TW for canon-typical mental health issues, me piling my own religious trauma on Albert, and pseudo-incestuous stuff I guess.

This is probably projection tbh. I relate profoundly to my interpretation of young Albert. Having been an adolescent in a deeply religious subculture, most of my teenage crushes were retrospectively very weird and fraught. Always a combination of sexual angst and misdirected worship and a sort of maudlin reveling in my own misery.

Being like 13-16 and already aware that the goal of any interest should be marriage and children and (when you’re AFAB) finding someone to be the “spiritual head” of your household *zones out briefly, war documentaries playing behind my eyes* puts a lot of pressure on what would otherwise be mild crushes and attractions. And as funny as it might sound to say, I think young Albert’s feelings for young William are not dissimilar to those of a little girl raised deep in complementarianism. He is a literal child looking at another literal child and thinking “Are you the one who can lead me to God be my god?” And that’s always, always a disaster waiting to happen.

So yes, I do actually think that Albert had a thing for William in the early years. And while the neo-puritan tiktok kids would surely disagree, I don’t even think it’s really that weird. Stick two non-blood-related adolescents who were not raised as siblings into a house together and sprinkle in some trauma-bonding and I’d bet good money that it’s downright normal for one if not both to develop a crush. The age difference is actually the more potentially problematic element in those early years if we’re speculating on a sexual attraction -- three years is waaay more significant in the tweens/early teens than it is in later decades -- but given that (from my own experience with similar mental health issues) Albert was likely running a couple of years behind developmentally and William was a couple of years ahead, and that I am NOT suggesting anything actually happened between them, I’m not too worried about it.

Albert being Albert, though, I think he gnaws away at himself with guilt over his feelings as if they actually had been born and raised as brothers. I think he thinks of himself as perverse for those feelings. I think that even as an adult he is never entirely unattracted to William and that he loathes himself for that.

Anyway this is part of why I really like MycAl as a ship. Because Mycroft is so very staid and practical and grounded. So rooted in reality, while Albert is so easily lost in morbid fantasies of his own inherent wickedness. I really think Mycroft could just take all the wind out of Albert’s self-hatred sails. (I wrote a version of this in Meander.) There’s something very funny-sad about Albert tearfully confessing that his darkest secret isn’t the plotting and the vigilantism and the murders but rather that William was the first person he ever wanted to kiss, and Mycroft is like, “Yes and...??? Am I missing something here? You were a kid experiencing some degree of romantic and physical attraction to another kid, who you did not meet until you were an adolescent, and that is strange...how exactly?”

Which naturally makes Albert bluescreen.

[moonjxsung]

holy shit your new story has me in an utter chokehold because i just cried my eyes out like three times reading it I LOVE IT SO MUCH STAR I DONT KNOW HOW TO PUT IT INTO WORDS it's definitely one of my ABSOLUTE favorite pieces of your works now and as someone who loves classical music and occasionally studies music theory and such on my own free time, this piece definitely rooted in my heart. i ended up reading it halfway through then stopping for a break so i could text my friends that im sobbing my eyes out to mozart and then went right back to reading it, and i got texts afterwards ranging from "what the hell are you up to now" to "average day with you"

i listened to mozart's piano concerto no.12 while finishing the rest of the story, and i think the music just engulfed me a lot more into the piece itself and i really fell in love with it.

star, your writing really is a symphony in itself that resonates within my heart because every time i read your newly published work, it feels like im falling in love and meeting your blog for the first time all over again, and it continues to remind me of how grateful i am to have met and stumbled across someone like you.

thank you so much for continuing to write and inspiring me in ways i never thought i could be, and for always providing a safe space and a comforting new world within all your stories. i remember i wrote a pretty long feedback for begged and borrowed, but i just really can't put into words how much im in love with your writing. i said before, but ill continue to tell you about how your sense of words engulf me into a different reflection of myself in another universe and how many times i find myself going through a flurry of emotions from it.

pleaseplease dont stop writing because your talent for it is absolutely incredible, and if i could, i would read your works from the end of this world to the next one because i really truly do love them.

p.s. !! here's some random thing i cooked up while thinking of the whole brahms and clara thing (i wanted to imagine that if mozart and constanze had a letter, brahms would also have one dedicated to clara) "My dear love, my symphony in which resonates deep within my heart. A glass ornament in which I gaze upon that shines down upon the world- so imperfect yet the shards place and root themselves so deeply within my heart I will never be able to part my gaze from your beauty.

A passion burns within me whenever I am graced with your presence. My music and notes will never be able to hold my profound love for you, your everlasting beauty which goes to the moon and back, collecting and scattering stardust over my eyes, enchanting me into your witch's spell that I will never be able to break myself free from.

Oh my love, I hope that death not do us part, and though no soul will ever be able to remember the love I shared for you, you will be able to hold it in your heart as a precious memory from your youthful days. My lady, I would die for you, writing sheets upon sheets and scattered notes which will never truly be able to come close to describing your flawless glamour. You have my heart and soul, and the key to my career, and I hope you will not break it, wishing upon me lament and mournful sorrows, weeping over my very own grave. "

~luv, 《☘️》

I just read this feedback all the way through and then read it like seven more times because I’m so in love with it 😭 where do I even BEGIN…

First of all I laughed so hard at you texting your friends about it LMAOOOO that is tooooo relatable 🤸‍♀️ I revealed to my sister not long ago that I wrote skz fanfic and I’ll text her sometimes to be like wow this is intense I need a break. And I get the same versions of “average day with you” or “what the hell are you writing now” and I don’t even tell her what any of my fics are about so she’s just perpetually guessing 😭

I am so so so beyond elated to hear that you enjoyed reading 🩷🫶 also you’re not the first to say they consumed Mozart’s Sonata no. 12 while reading (highly recommend !!) and it just WARMS my heart to see that you guys pick apart the little details to enhance your reading experience! I try my best to incorporate little bits of media I grew up consuming or that highly resonate with me and it’s so refreshing to see you guys enjoy tiny bits of my life sprinkled into an alternate world I’ve created for you guys. What else can I say except for expressing how grateful I am for every single one of you 🥹 I don’t intend to stop writing any time soon and I’m so inspired to see what little world we can all travel to next in my upcoming work. I hope you enjoy it just as much 🩷

And lastly…. Your poem at the end!!! The inspiration from Mozart’s letters to conjure up your own??? I am in awe with your guys’ ability to move me with your feedback every single time 🥹 my favorite line: your everlasting beauty which goes to the moon and back, collecting and scattering stardust over my eyes” WOW. Are you sure you’re not just Mozart reincarnated and visiting this blog 👀

I LOVE YOU pookie, thank you a million times always and I’m so honored to be able to produce work for you. All my love, always ❤️🫶💕

[softgrungeprophet]

I was rambling about this in my insta stories and had been thinking about making a post like this off and on for a while so, i'm just gonna do it now

Spider-Man comics to get to know me:

(Peter Parker: Spider-Man #47 (Jenkins/Ramos))

These are comics I like, comics that make me go "AUGHFDHGH" etc. I'm not saying they're masterpieces (though some of them are), but I'm saying I like them and they are a good insight into my tastes and why I write and draw the way I do, for my AUs, etc...

apologies in advance, this post is going to be a bit long.

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first: a comic arc (really, arcs) that makes me feel crazy (in a good way)

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #44-47 (Jenkins/Ramos) and Spectacular Spider-Man v2 #3-10 (Jenkins/Ramos) (also issue #27)

I am still randomly working my way through these comics in bits and pieces because I read like a weirdo (aka, sometimes out of order, often with large breaks in between) but in general I do recommend these specific issues to at least some extent if you want to understand my tastes in comics and what subplots make me absolutely feral

with the caveat that these comics are incredibly early aughts for better and for worse; some of the jokes don't quite land (particularly Nurse Helga in SSM, which is a textbook example of the Brawnhilda trope, such a staple of 2000s humor and just not funny), and I find Jenkins' take on Venom (and Eddie Brock's backstory, mannerisms and speech) to be lacking... though it's not entirely uncompelling.

but as far as Peter, and his life, and the stuff involving Flash, and also the scene where he makes Ock beg for mercy, it's very much my shit. He makes Peter feel lost and directionless in a way that feels very believable, and it's clear that Peter really gives a shit about people. Even just the other people in his apartment building breaking into his apartment to play games using his TV is like... Yeah. I love it.

Extremely "this was made for me," and I am definitely the target audience when it comes to taste. When/if I ever have the money I'll definitely be looking for used copies of the trades with these issues in them because I really do like it a lot. I guess there's something about the way Jenkins writes (not to mention Ramos' stellar compositions) both in terms of character but also in terms of style itself—something dreamy and melancholy but not trudging—that really speaks to me as a reader and drags me in, even when he sometimes misses the mark or makes a joke that isn't funny. (which i'll admit isn't... uncommon)

I WANT TO SAY ONE THING THOUGH which is that even though I like their Spectacular stuff, the Ock arc (issues #6-10 iirc) deals with the Israel/Palestine conflict as part of the plot and while, writing-wise, it's actually surprisingly thoughtful (tho idk if i can judge whether it's truly deeply thoughtful or just not as offensive as it could have been, especially for such a fraught topic in a superhero comic), there is an Israeli character that, to be frank, the way Ramos draws him feels very antisemitic to me. I know that he has a very stylized way of drawing and he exaggerates a lot of characters' features, especially facial features, but it's still fair to point out that the IDF character is undeniably drawn in a way that is questionable at best and clearly rooted in antisemitic stereotypes whether intentional or not.

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Sensational Spider-Man v2 #23-40 (Aguirre-Sacasa/Medina/Crain)

NOT marvel knights spider-man, I do not like marvel knights spider-man, this is a different creative team, it got the title changed from MKS I guess? idk 23-40 is literally the entire run, it starts on 23 lol

well. no 23-41 is the whole thing but 41 is OMD and I still haven't read it 🤷 Also this is concurrent with a lot of Civil War stuff, like, Aunt May getting shot, and like one of the trades actually is a Civil War branded book, but like... I didn't read basically any of that stuff. If you know the gist of what happens during Civil War, it makes plenty enough sense on its own.

This run is... my shit. Overall, I just like it. And more specifically the issues from the POV of, respectively, Aunt May, MJ, and Felicia, made me cry like a little baby. Hell—I don't even like the villain who's revealed at the culmination of the first arc but I still really like the first arc as a whole. (though I'll admit, while Aguirre-Sacasa writes a Peter I really like, he does fall into my biggest pet peeve (he's not the only one) of talking about Peter's Inherent Pure Goodness but like... he still writes a great Spidey imo)

Also. It turns out I have a thing for moody 2000s comics where it's pouring rain with art that can occasionally be described as "wack" 😂 I actually... unlike Ramos' art, I don't really find myself defending Medina's. It's ridiculously lumpy, it's very mid 2000s aesthetically, it's kind of fuck-ugly. But. The atmosphere is impeccable. I'm also not really a fan of Clayton Crain (who did the art i put up above), generally (he's just not to my taste most of the time) but like, again, the mood is impeccable and Crain is good at what he does when what he's doing is meant to be uncomfortable or creepy. The atmosphere is off the charts, man.

It's absolutely not for ages 9 and up ("A") and I really don't know how or why it got that rating instead of the 15+ "Parental Advisory" warning, because even the briefest of glimpses shows that it's a pretty intense run from the start... it's really just not for kids at all imo, though young horror buffs I'm sure could handle it for the most part.

Also yes this is the comic run where Peter meets and talks to God (#40, the Book of Peter) which. i know sounds weird. and it is weird, i won't lie. But... I liked it? I think it rewired my brain a little bit. When I mention Peter punching dumpsters in fics, this issue is where I got that from. It really made a lot of things click for me.

This run is also why I draw Felicia's hair down to her fuckin ankles lol like—even though I said! that I don't really like Medina's art! The way he draws Felicia in the pouring rain with her long, long hair plastered soaking wet to her body, like. again, rewired my brain a little bit.

THAT BEING SAID—

I feel the need to put a VERY BIG TRIGGER AND CONTENT WARNING on this recommendation.

Issues #38 and #39 are The Last Temptation of Eddie Brock.

The Last Temptation of Eddie Brock is upsetting to read (regardless of your opinion on Venom and/or Eddie as a character(s)).

Listen, I like angst. I write and read a lot of angsty stuff. I like sad endings. I like reading stories that are dark, to an extent. One could probably accuse me of liking edgelord-y or grimdark stuff. I don't even think The Last Temptation is bad. BUT. It's upsetting to read and I think it really requires a trigger warning for the things it deals with—not just cancer but also attempted suicide and self harm, and graphic violence/blood—because it's kind of intense even in its briefness, and it was a little bit upsetting for me to read even as someone who usually isn't bothered by this stuff in fiction. It's just kind of a lot.

So just keep in mind that those two issues but especially #39 might be... kind of intense or upsetting, especially if you don't know what to expect going in. I did know what to expect, I knew what happened in it already, and it still really threw me for a loop just because of the presentation of certain scenes and the visuals themselves, and it kind of stuck with me for a few days just cause it's that kind of heavy.

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Grim Hunt (Amazing Spider-Man #634-637) (Kelly/Lark/Chechetto)

What can I say except AWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

another comic that feels like it was made just for me 😂 you might be.. noticing a pattern here.... lmao it's true i'm the target audience for edgy, violent superhero comic books (i'm just also the target audience for like. the ones where the interpersonal relationships are just as important as everything else)

Grim Hunt's got it all: it's got angry Peter, it's got dangerous Peter (perhaps even... murderous Peter), it's got Kaine being tragic, it's got nice art overall, it's got Kraven being a DILF (thanks checchetto)—also it opens on Peter with swine flu 😂

I really enjoyed Grim Hunt when i read it recently, and it really does tap into exactly the kinds of things I like in Spider-Man, in making Peter really give a shit about people, and in having Kaine trying to do the right thing, and especially in having Peter switch into my favorite mode: Horror Movie Serial Killer Mode.

It's a lot of fun!

It's not perfect, of course, and like many of the other comics on my faves list, does that "innate goodness" thing which I disagree with and I think is a thing Kelly often does? At least, twice, i guess, cause it's in Non-Stop as well sort of (though it feels more justified there). And it makes me go NOO Peter's anger does not take away from his humanity, his anger is PART of his humanity! His flaws are what make him human! But other than that it ruled and I really liked it, and like the other comics on here I'll probably try to snag a trade someday if I can find one, cause I like to physically own my favorite comics, generally.

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Non-Stop Spider-Man (Kelly/Bachalo) (all of the issues; it's not very long, it fits in a single trade, you can read it in like. an afternoon.)

(note: I haven't had a chance to read the follow-up to Non-Stop (Savage Spider-Man) yet, so I can't say if that's good or not but Non-Stop is fantastic so it's gotta be at least halfway decent)

Something I'm realizing is that I think I might like Joe Kelly's writing 😂 even his arc in SM/DP is genuinely not awful (I mean, anything that gives me Peter being sexy in a sleek black suit with claws, threatening people, ends up a minimum level of decent just by that virtue alone)

Others have said this: Bachalo's art does feel a little rushed, especially compared to other comics he's done, and yet, despite this, visually it is a TREAT. It is a FEAST for my eyeballs. The layouts are fucking WILD, it's like 90% diagonals, it fucking RULES. It goes 500000 miles an hour. This is hands-down one of the best modern (past 10 years specifically) Spider-Man comics I have read. Period. It rips, slaps, fucks, etc. It's bitchin' and I'd recommend it for the art and layouts alone!

(even if, yes, Bachalo makes Peter the most twinky twink to ever twink; at least he's fuckable) (even if not as fuckable as in SM/DP #23... with the DSL...)

But I like the writing a lot too! It's not just visually appealing, it's simply a stellar all around piece of comic-making, from the art, lettering, writing, the whole team really made something amazing.

And also, okay. So. This comic. I think it's well-written and well-drawn. But. Okay. The dialogue. It's... very very clearly influenced directly by things like the popularity of the MCU by which I mean: over-reliance on Whedon-esque, frequently memetic dialogue (which is weird because none of the other stuff I've read by Kelly has this kind of dialogue style?)... it's Cringe, essentially. That being said, I think Joe Kelly is significantly more successful and better at using this style of dialogue compared to basically every other writer I've ever seen doing it—not that that's saying much but, I do think he was largely successful with it, as cringe as "Nazi, please" is. It doesn't really stop being cringe but it is, for the most part, fairly snappy and well-paced with a good patter that matches the pacing of the art very well. It's called Non-Stop Spider-Man for a reason, it really does not stop.

Also, even with that dialogue and trying to make Peter more hip and cool (which I assume is at least partially editorial), well, Kelly remains very good at writing Peter. He just has a great handle on the character.

I also think that there's a really huge point in Kelly's favor here which is that he's completely, 100% candid, upfront and straightforward about the story he is writing. The villains in this comic are racists. They are neo-nazis and anti-semites. Kelly doesn't shy away from that or try to couch it in metaphors. They're just racist, and that is why they are bad people.

There's a scene where Zemo makes a crack about gold fillings, to Peter's face. Kelly and Bachalo allow for a single completely silent panel following this (which is very impactful in a comic that's this frenetic) and then he snaps. It's a very effective scene, and unlike some other "Character Experiences Discrimination" scenes (such as, for example, Zodiac's violent homophobic assault of Johnny Storm) even despite the fact that "Peter is Jewish" is the only thing that does remain only subtext, it feels very cathartic and well-done because Peter is allowed to be angry and fight back in response; he's not the object of the scene, he's the subject and he gets to act rather than be dehumanized or objectified as nothing more than a victim, and I really liked that and I know that I've talked about that with others who felt that it was very well executed as well.

AND that fighting back and anger is presented as justified, and right, rather than an unfortunate flaw. Peter's rage is sympathetic, justifiable, and not presented as Wrong. He is allowed to be angry, and it is okay that he is angry—in fact it is good that he is angry. Because it means he gives a shit. I like that.

I don't think the plot twist at the end entirely hits right, like... I do 100% see what Kelly was going for with it, and I don't think it's necessarily unbelievable or bad, but something just didn't click right for me there. But overall, I still think it's a good comic and is a good window into my tastes.

To quote myself: it takes big swings, some of them miss, some of them hit really hard, and it feels like it has a lot more teeth than some of the more recent comics. and i can appreciate teeth.

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(Spider-Man: Redemption #3 (DeMatteis/Zeck)

Not specific runs per se but I also really just like anything DeMatteis does—sometimes he does whiff it a tiny bit (rarely) but overall I love his writing stylistically (he's one of few writers that can get me to enthusiastically read a wall of text in a comic book), in terms of characterization and interpersonal relationships—

comics like Spider-Man: The Lost Years or Redemption were really enjoyable for me to read (thanks for the recs TC)

and of course there's Spectacular Spider-Man (Flashback) #-1 (That Thompson Boy!) which is such a foundational issue for Flash's backstory at this point

and who can forget the iconic Child Within (i'll admit i haven't actually read TCW myself but I've seen many, many pieces of it via discord lol)—he and Buscema are such a dream team for comics, really... they work so well together. Nothing hits harder than Harry's death...

Anyway, those are like, The Comics That Define My Taste to some extent (or offer the best window into what I like and understanding my taste) but

There are also other comics I know I would like that I have not read yet! Though I've read a couple issues from JMS' ASM run and enjoyed them, such as ASM #55 (love teacher!peter so much), but there's still a lot I have yet to make my way through. (i still haven't read Kraven's Last Hunt 😂 yeah I know)

(Amazing Spider-Man #55 (JMS/Romita Jr.)

(peter's like, in his mid-to-late 20s at this point i'm pretty sure lol)

And there are other single issues I won't be taking the time to list just cause, there's a lot, you know? Like...

The B story in ASM 622 (or the A story, if you're horny and want to look at peter's biceps and beautiful profile)

(Amazing Spider-Man #622 (A-story: "It is the Life," van Lente/Quinones (peter gets vampire hypnotized), B-story: "Stages of Grief," Weisman/Ross (peter and the crew throw flash a birthday party so he knows just how much he is valued and loved))

or like... ASM Extra! #3 where Flash comes back w/o his legs and Peter beats the shit out of a z-lister because he feels so guilty, and so on and so forth.

(Amazing Spider-Man: Extra! #3, "Character Assassination: Coda," Guggenheim/...Fiorentino I think? There are two artists in this story, for the two different things happening, but I think the artist for this sequence is Fabrizio Fiorentino, not Olliffe)

anyway

Good shit!!

obviously there are the classics as well, Amazing Fantasy #15, early ASM, etc., like of COURSE. Silver Age is a lot of fun (or, sometimes, tragedy) and the silver age gave us the coffee bean gang, and peter's bitchiness, and such good character dynamics, and was the start of all of it—obviously none of these comics would exist without the silver age, and like, gwen's death is iconic, and so on. but to try to pick specific issues, idk if i can single any out? i hop around so much when i read, you know? it's hard to keep track or to pick favorites 😂

but I do think that Amazing Spider-Man Annual #5 has really valuable insight into Peter as a character (spoiler: he's not very nice), though requires some basic understanding of Cold War politics and the Rosenbergs (thank you Traincat for pointing that second part out to me, it really brings nuance and clarifies subtext that might go missed otherwise)

but you can like… go on wikipedia for that really… I just think it's a neat comic and tbh for every fan (or pro) who tries to insist that Peter is a perfect, delicate, harmless boy maybe they should go to the source and see that Stan Lee disagreed. lol

(and also those people owe me... five bucks and a pizza 😉)

[bardofavon]

First of all, love your fic! I'm addicted, it's so good!!! But I had a question so I could get my expectations for the ending/what's upcoming in order. I'm feeling for Kaz a lot, I guess you could say I'm "rooting" for him. Am I supposed to be? My read is that Kaz is trying to make the most of an awful situation to give himself some kind of control but that he really didn't want to help in Novokribirsk but did because of the Darkling's blackmail. He also doesn't seem to agree with any of the Darkling's plans, thinking them delusional or for power rather than what the Darkling says.

Kaz is such an unreliable narrator and you make a ton of jokes about how he did it to himself in some ways, so I'm not sure I'm reading it right.

I guess what I'm asking is if Kaz is genuinely becoming a worse person (not really in acts but as in caring less about hurting innocents/children) and going to stay on that trajectory all the way through or am I reading the extortion right and irrespective of his attraction to the Darkling, Kaz would never do these things willingly.

Sorry this may be confusing and maybe you don't want to answer which is fine but i really like your fic!

Omg you never have to apologize for asking questions about my fic, I love love love love talking about my fic because I am also obsessed with it. answer under the cut bc it's 10 paragraphs

Kaz is....very complicated........I call him an unreliable narrator a lot, but he's not unreliable in the way that "he's lying to the readers" and more in the way of "he's not capable of seeing the full picture/we are so limited in his head that we can only see things through his eyes and he will very confidently come to conclusions that are wrong/he hasn't slept a full night in weeks" so there's no "kaz is secretly also just as evil but not admitting it" twist coming or anything.

You SHOULD root for him and I hope that you do, I do!! I make a lot of jokes or comments about him doing it to himself which is true and also untrue, they are jokes and they are not. He made several wrong choices that led him to this point, he let his hubris get the better of him and didn't rely on the people who were there to help and support him when he should have, he went out of his depth, he pushed people away, he tried to play the game when he should have been burning all the cards. But at the same time, that revelation he has in the last chapter about how he was fucked from the start is ALSO true. He was always going to be in the Darkling's sights, he was always going to have these dilemmas, he was always going to be put in the impossible situations.

But also...so was Alina, and she chose differently. She fought. She made allies and confidently stood against him saying "no, this is wrong" and stuck to it all the way through. She was also more easily manipulated and didn't see through the Darkling at the start the way that Kaz did, but if she had I very much doubt her conclusion would be "I will agree to side with him because there's more in it for me" (something Kaz thought he wanted because he has this view of himself of being this cutthroat heartless monster willing to do anything to achieve his goal even though at his core that's not really who he is, but again, unreliable narrator, he thinks that he is. he will continue saying that he is. he will make decisions as though he is, but he will not feel good about them and he will be torn and he will not be happy).

Kaz is kind of becoming a worse person in that he is being desensitized to violence and he is going down this path of "I've already taken so many lives, maybe I am wrong that I'm not seeing the picture of eternity, maybe this is what it takes" but he's also not there yet. He still cares very deeply about people even though he doesn't want to admit it, he advocated to kill the King not because he wanted to rule but because he made a promise to Genya and he wanted to see it through because he is genuinely disgusted by the King's actions and abuse of power.

Every time he thinks about the way Inej views him and the person she thinks he could be and the way she hoped he would use his power, he feels absolutely terrible about it...because he also kind of wishes he could be that person for her. There was a sort of bitterness in his refusal to help people at the start, that "the world never helped me so why should I help them" and "time and time again you hear stories of saints being killed by the people they helped because no good deed goes unpunished" but that was still when the people involved could be reduced to faceless masses. Something about committing the actual act and seeing the people it was affecting and watching kids as they died was brutal and brought to the forefront that these are real people, real lives, just like he's a real person with a real life.

But of course, by then it was too late. Him being unable to find peace, unable to find rest, his inability to close his eyes without reliving the people that he killed, that's definitely me trying to demonstrate that he's not free of it because he does still genuinely care about people. He's fucked up over it. They committed the same crime, but he's fucked up about it and the Darkling isn't because he still cares about people as individuals in the way the Darkling never will because he still only cares about people as a concept (the greater good outweighs the individual lives I'm taking, even though the greater good is hypothetical future and the individual lives are crying in front of me..........)

I do think if the Darkling hadn't threatened Inej and Jesper Kaz would never have gone through with it. He would have backed down, he would have stood up to him, he would have fought. But now that he's done it and also (in his mind) lost Inej and Jesper he has to recontextualize it in his brain in order to cope with it. Objectively, he wouldn't have done it if he had no other choice and he does not want to be in this situation and he is a victim and he is suffering. In his mind, the way he processes and copes with what he's going through, he made a choice and threw his lot in with the Darkling and he wants power and he is working his plan and he doesn't feel remorse. Is it true? No. Is he going to keep saying it because being in this position is his reality? Yes.

But please root for him!! Kaz is going to have quite a few more morality defining choices left to make, and he might make the right ones and he might make the wrong ones but I personally believe in his inherent goodness and think his genuine care for the people around him can't be beat out of him so easily.

[angelofdykeness]

if the answer is "i really dont wanna talk about that" then okies but, if ur up to it, what is your feeling abt people who have blue archive characters as fos? you give off vibes of "its complicated" but i could easily be wrong. personally i have some wildly mixed feelings underneath a thiccc veneer of "i live in a state of permanent emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical exhaustion and the only things that make me feel anything anymore are my wife and the smile on an anime girl's face; i have no desire to be the internet police"

ok guys i guess it's time to talk about something

the short answer: yes. it's complicated

the long answer: i actually think being attracted to teenage anime girls is fine and not inherently an unhealthy or Bad thing. i see it as being a much more nuanced discussion than basically everyone treats it as

saying "it's a drawing" or "fiction =/= reality" is reductive and generally a red flag, but to be completely frank a lot of these characters are made to look like they could pass either way. it's one thing if the character is explicitly a little kid / made with the intent of looking like one, but treating characters as if anyone who doesn't arbitrarily meet the real life age of consent of 18 means you're a creep for finding them hot i don't believe is actually all that healthy or helpful (and let's not even go near how insane genshin fans are with projecting imaginary ages onto unconfirmed characters to designate whether or not you're allowed to ship them together)

now. that being said, this gets pretty messy with stuff like blue archive, which has specific themes that very heavily revolve around the fact that these are, in fact, deeply vulnerable teenage kids growing up in a world that is actively trying to prey on and exploit them, and the self insert MC is an adult whose job it is to protect and guide them. and is also a fanservice waifusim at the same time. this is the main root of my reservations with the series and its story cuz it uhhhhh. really is pretty weird ! this is in contrast to something like my dress-up darling, where marin is a high school student but you can generally just ignore that to some degree and not care. and i don't think you have to

but at the end of the day these are characters that are made for you to feel attracted to, and im just gonna be totally honest and say that i am. to many of them. the sexualization of high school students is definitely its own deeply loaded topic, and one you should always acknowledge the weirdness of on at least some level. but i also just don't think it's inherently weird to want to kiss them. unless you make it weird

which a loooooot of BA fans very much do