#i had a bunch of stuff sitting in my queue for a while so maybe that has something to do with it ??? just weird...

[curekiss]

why does adding something to queue put it at the top now....

[poupeesdecirque]

Posting by Queue, or: why I need some distance from my crafts

It has been some time since my last hobby meta blog entry, it had different reasons and one is that I need distance. Like, yes I of course enjoy crafting and sometimes I am like a little child that runs everywhere to show off things.

But it got ... less intense. And I learned I do better when I keep projects or at least details to myself to sit on them for longer. That the first euphoria is purely mine and not to be shared.

Like for my photos I have a buffer of several weeks now. Yes, I know past-me would have kind of hated that. But I learned I do better when I have a time buffer. I do take photos weekly but sometimes they don't feel special enough to get the weekly photo feature?

Friday & yesterday I went out for photos and while I like the ones from yesterday way more than the ones from friday I am not sure if the set from yesterday will get the feature or not as it's only a hand full of photos giving me that certain spark.

Other than that I am a very emotional artist, I sometimes really fuck up my art and hate it at the moment I worked on it, but then, sometimes, after a few days or weeks I can look at it and just wonder about what was my problem the day I made it.

Another thing is that I, myself, enjoy my art. The process of it. And I like to see my blog updating, sometimes I forget what post will go online and then I check the blog and think "ah yes, this was that thing!", and it reminds me why I made the blog overall, to show myself I had progress and that every tiny step counts.

Which leads to another reason why I hold back in regards of posting. Yes, I do share some snippets in my stories over on insta but not always and not all. I sit on over 300 drawings from the last two years alone nobody ever will see, I enjoyed drawing but it's nothing for the public eye. I will maybe go back and redraw some and share the redraws then, who knows?

But wait, there is actually more reasons.

The biggest or main reason is ... i sometimes go really wild on projects. In January I finished so many dolls it was insane, I worked on Cosplays and other crafts in an incredible speed, I have literally no idea where I found the time but I somehow did and doll parts arriving every week did the rest.

I keep the blog running with partially 2 month old stuff but .... to be honest I don't have doll stuff aside photos to do anymore. All I can do is wait for bodies to be shipped (or dolls even) and arrive. There has been no movement since January. Aside Iza getting the shipping notice for our Split, might take a while until its at her place and I can't really start on the Akuma until I got the body (which I at least have finally ordered this month) as colors need to be matched and mods to be made.

I am truly itchy to do something else than sewing all the time, I do enjoy cosplay but you know how much I like sewing (hint: not at all). So to remind myself of the fun I had in the past weeks I have mixed my blog to bless me with some progress I had which was maybe not sewing all the time. And well, the Cosplays have deadlines and I do get some ideas aside purely sewing while doing them, so that keeps me going for now.

Yes, I could start redoing dolls like Alastor or Erwin. But you know what? IT'S ALMOST ALL SEWING. Urgh.

Aside that real life is pretty good at eating me up and I just want to enjoy crafting. Right now drawing feels like stress relief but I hate the results and just scan the pieces and put them away to never look at them again, I have a bunch of posts queued up without any captions, a wip entry of a current project only has two photos but I lack the spoons to actually get them done. But since those posts are so far back it's fine (yes I know drafts are a thing).

In general I enjoy having my art to myself to get used to it before I put it out into the wild as I just recently got reminded I do bad with direct comparisons still and it hits some triggerpoints from the past and makes everything harder, I don't need that.

I literally have no idea if this blog makes sense even, lol. I just am tired of sewing and stopped working on my current project around lunch time and have drawn so much today and I walked way too much the whole week my friends urged me to stay the ef home and at least try to relax. But I'm restless as my body is too stressed (I know it all I'm a certified relaxation trainer so eh), so, have an over the place blog entry.

[bellysoupset]

bella would be lovely! maybe the sickie eats a bunch of colorful stuff and the sick is multi-colored. it would be a fun little detail to throw in. thanks for listening!

- 🎪

It's been a long time coming, I'm sorry!

---------

Lucas smiled, watching Bella jump up and down like a little kid, the excited joy almost alien in her normally nonchalant personality.

The itinerary amusement park was in town, a surprising thing in itself, because no itinerant park ever stopped by their small college oriented town. Bella had been talking about it non stop, apparently all three of her co-workers had already visited.

The park had a clown motif on everything. Lucas didn't like clowns, so he made a face at the painted characters on every attraction, while Bella looked more and more pleased. She loved clowns, maybe because they were creepy.

"What do you wanna do first?" He asked, hand in hand with her.

"I wanna go on the ferries," she answered, resting her head on his shoulder, a gigantic smile on.

"Alright, baby, ferries it is then," Lucas nodded, planting a kiss on the top of her curls.

He wasn't expecting to enjoy it quite as much as he was. Yes, he was clammy with sweat in no time since it was a warm day and yes, there had been a lot of queues, but the rides were fun and he had obliterated Bella in the bumper cars. Only for her to win him a large teddy bear in the shooting range, perfect aim causing the pimpled kid working the booth to pout and grumble about "cheating hilly billies."

"Can we put this in the car? So we don't have to carry it around," Bella said, poking the cute teddy bear and Lucas nodded, being guided through the crowd since Bell still had her fingers intertwined with his.

The minute he bent to plant the teddy bear in the backseat of the car, Bella was shoving him in, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him. He fell on his back with a chuckle, his head meeting the teddy bear's fluffy foot, "we're-" his next words got swallowed up by a kiss as Bell got on top of him, "we're in public, you man eater!" Lucas giggled, smiling as he felt her moving her kisses down his cheek, to his neck.

"We're not doing anything," Bella said, voice muffled by his neck and Luke let out a happy sigh, sliding a hand over her little jeans shorts and squeezing her ass, "making out isn't a crime."

"Compelling argument," he said, moving on the seat so he was sitting down instead of sprawled on his back with his feet sticking out of the door and pulling her closer by the waist. He was toying with the hem of crop top, when his stomach interrupted them both by growling loudly.

"Mood killer," Luke scoffed, but didn't stop him from kissing her again, Bella giggling when her own belly let out a twin growl.

"Let's have lunch," she said into his mouth, "we can continue this later."

"I'm taking that as a promise, Bells" He kissed her once more, then pulled back.

He had her lipstick all over his mouth, Bella getting on her tiptoes in order to try and clean it.

There was a huge line for the food stand, so she draped over him, chin resting on his bicep as Lucas started telling her about the new classes he had, since the student year had just started back up.

"So do you get two proms?"

"It's not a prom," Luke scoffed, cheeks blushing, "I'm not a teenager."

"Answer my question, nerd" Bella rolled her eyes, fingers fiddling with the huge armholes of his tanktop, "two graduations?"

"Yeah, but I can just pick the second one and have them give me both degrees."

"Show off," she smiled brilliantly, "I hope you know how proud I am of you."

His whole face was on fire, so Lucas looked away, squeezing her hand in his. It was finally their turn to order and between the hunger, the heat and the butterflies, his stomach was actually hurting.

They found a nice little hill near the park and sat down on the grass, their huge lunch order split between them. Everything fried. Cake funnel, donuts, corndogs, fries, deep fried oreos, churros...

"I think you ordered too much food," Bella said, eyeing the amount with suspicion and falling on her back on the grass, already polishing up her first corn dog.

"No, I didn't," Lucas rolled his eyes, patting his stomach, "it's bulking season, remember? I'm off diet."

"Oh yeah, your state mandated eating disorder," she snorted, turning on her side, "this cannot be good to your heath long term, baby."

"It's not long term, it's the last year," he pouted, finishing a corn dog in three bites. Bella hummed, reaching for a sprinkles covered donut and then she let out a moan.

"These are really good, Luke. Try it-" she teared a piece of her donut, pushing it in his mouth and he laughed, almost biting her fingers.

"Manners!?" Lucas pushed her hand down, then wrinkled his nose, "eh... I don't know, I didn't like it."

She let out an offended scoff, "more for me, I guess," Bella said, grabbing all the sprinkled donuts and piling them near her side, while Lucas continued to eat all the salty food.

He was halfway through a caramelized apple when Bella let out a groan and sprawled on the grass, a hand resting on her stomach, "I'm done."

"That was hardly anything," he rolled his eyes, although he was surprised she had managed to eat all the donuts. Bella groaned, tugging on her jeans shorts.

"Leave me alone," she said, "eat your food, I still wanna go in at least two more rides."

"I had no idea you loved parks so much," Lucas said, balling up the greasy papers of the now empty containers.

"It's like music concerts," she sighed, looking up at the clouds, "minus the super hot bands and the musicians, of course."

He rolled his eyes, "Of course."

"I like the atmosphere," Bella explained, smiling, "I like the contagious energy. Rubs off on me."

"So like an energy vampire," Lucas teased, "that guy from Twilight."

Bella raised an eyebrow, "...How many times did you watch the movies, you dork?"

"I read the books," Lucas shrugged, "when I was thirteen."

"Oh my god," she giggled, covering her face with her hands, "all of them?!"

"All of them," he nodded solemnly, then eyed the last remaining caramelized apple, "okay, no. This one is getting trashed."

Bella raised her head from the grass, frowning, "you're done? So soon?"

"I don't wanna spend the rest of the day feeling gross," Lucas shrugged, getting up with all the litter in his arms, "we have plans for later," he threw her a cocky wink and then walked away to get rid of the trash.

Bella was already sitting up when he came back and she muffled a little burp against her hand as Lucas stood in front of her, "let's go?"

"Here, hydrate," Lucas handed her a bottle of water, grabbing Bell's outstretched hand and pulling her up. He patted her ass, getting rid of the grass that had stuck to the jeans and causing her to roll her eyes in an amused manner.

"You're so very subtle..." Bella looped her arms with his, "let's go on the viking pirate ship? And then the ferris wheel? Where do you wanna go?"

"We can do the viking ship, but I don't know about the rest, baby," Lucas eyed the sky. The sun was just starting to hide behind clouds and the temperature dropping, "it's starting to look like it'll rain."

"We're not gonna melt, Lucas" Bella rolled her eyes, pulling him through the crowd.

"Yeah, but I don't trust these rides to work in the rain, Isabella."

"You are such a worrywart, like it's your job or something," Bella said as they got in line for the ride. It was a short one, Lucas was right and the sky was turning quite dark, most of the parents packing away their little ones to avoid getting rained on.

"No, c'mere," Bella said when he attempted to sit down the minute they were allowed to climb on the big viking boat, "the middle is the most boring part. It's physics, baby," she dragged him to the far back, where the seats were smaller, only fitting three people. Only two with how much space Luke occupied.

"I've never been on this ride," he said, as they lowered the metal bar and checked if it was secure. It pressed against his stomach after such a packed lunch and he moved up, straightening up, "is this even secure for you? You could still fly out," he said, noticing the bar was far from pressing on Bella.

"I have hands, relax," she rolled her eyes, squeezing the metal bar in her hands, "see?"

He didn't like it one bit. Lucas planted his left hand on top of Bella's right one, making sure it was planted to metal and squeezing it too. He heard her let out a huff, but then the ride started.

First the boat swayed gently, forward and back. Then it started to pick up speed and soon the whole ride was doing almost entire loops. Going as far out as it could, then coming back.

Lucas let out a scream as the boat went back, meaning they were going higher and higher, almost upside down. He had never been afraid of heights, but he felt a jolt of terror rush through him. He squeezed the metal harder and moved his arm out, pressing it to Bella's chest when he felt the centrifuge force pull her to the center, ungluing her from the chair... Then the ride dropped back again, his stomach freezing over.

It wasn't even ten minutes, but when it finally stopped Lucas was panting for air, little terrified tears glued to his eyelashes.

"Holy fuck, Bella!" He cried out, sniffling and turning to look at her. Only to frown, "Bella?"

"Lu..." she gulped down, trying to push the metal bar off of her, but to no avail. The operator opened them and then started rattling out instructions.

Lucas cringed as he noticed how pale she was, her golden tan turning grey. Her throat bobbed dangerously, "shh, okay, breathe in, I'm gonna get you out of here-" he grabbed her by both arms, forcing her standing and Bella groaned. She was steady on her feet, but clearly without knowing each way to go.

"Alright, I-" Lucas looked around, panicked. They managed to get out of the ride, but the place was still packed tight and he couldn't find a single trashcan. In his arms, he felt Bella heave and then groan, muffling a sick burp against his chest, "fuck, Bells, let's try to get-"

He didn't finish that sentence, because Bella shoved him by the chest and managed to turn away just in time to cover her combat boots in colorful vomit. Lucas cringed, holding the hair away from her mouth.

"Aww Bell... It's okay, let it up, at least you'll feel better," he said, reaching on her wrist and grabbing a hair tie, tying the curls in a lose knot on the base of her nape.

Bella let out a whimper, the next heave making her bend in half, hands planted on her knees as her stomach got rid of the heavy sugary lunch they had had. Lucas couldn't help but wince, the donuts were doing a number on her with how chunky they were and her heaves were loud and painful.

She straightened up, sniffling. Black tears had ran down her cheek, completely smudging her eyeliner and her whole face was splotchy with the effort, "I'm sorry-" Bella groaned, burping wetly against her hand, "sorry..."

"Don't apologize," he rolled his eyes, pulling her into a hug, "c'mon, let's go to the car..."

He attempted to move, but it was too much too soon, because Bella let out another burp and then her hands dug in his belly as she pushed him apart from her and vomited down her front.

Her gunmetal croptop got covered in rainbow sprinkles puke, the mess sliding down - "Okay, hold on, hold on," Lucas grabbed the hem of the top, folding it up in order to avoid the mess spilling down her naked stomach or into her shorts, "I got you, Bella."

She let out another pitiful whine, another dripple of vomit rushing out, then sighed, "I'm...I'm done."

He sure hoped so, Lucas, thought, noticing how heavy her top was, "don't move, babe," he said, then tugged on the neck hole of her top and carefully got it past her head. He dropped the top on the ground, without a care. That one was done for, there was no saving. Bella shuddered, crossing her arms around herself in a self conscious manner as she stood in the middle of the park in just her black sport bra.

"Lucas-"

"It's okay, here," he stripped his tank top and passed it to her. It was so long it looked like a dress, so he pointed the shorts under the tank top, "might as well open those, give your belly some room."

"Good call," Bella said, her voice raspy, and she undid the buttons of her shorts, wrapping an arm around her sick stomach, "I wanna go home, I really don't feel well, Luke."

"I know... Come on, hop up-" he turned around and although Bella hesitated for a second, it only took one pat to her thigh for her to drape her arms around his shoulders and jump, wrapping her legs around his waist. He held her thighs, settling her correctly so she wouldn't slip from the piggyback ride and felt Bella press her chin to his shoulder and planting a kiss there.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome, Bells," Lucas started to walk back to the car, "was it just motion sickness? And the heavy lunch? Or-"

"Not sure," she pressed herself closer to him, letting out a sigh he could feel too, "I'm just really queasy... Not sure if I ate too much or if the food was bad or whatever."

He winced at the idea of it being good poisoning, "let's hope it's just the first," he squeezed her leg, that was wrapped around his torso, "tell me if I need to put you down, okay?"

"Okay," she said in a tiny voice, then pressed a kiss to his cheek, "I love you."

Lucas smiled, turning his face and planting a kiss on her forehead, "i love you too."

[incandescentflower]

Could I request 31 from the hugs list for RJ and Alex? I love the prompt fills you've done so far, they're like crack to me

hey anon! thanks for the ask. I've had a busy week so I've been trying to get this going for you and also not have it be an absolute mess

I'm glad to hear you enjoy my ficlets! I am starting to wonder how much schmoop one person can write about one show, but I'm willing to push my limits here. (and have a history in the past of doing so in other fandoms, *cough* cherry magic *cough*)

This is for RJ/Alex for number 31 from the hugs prompt list which is hugging while straddling the partner. I have to say, I have written a lot of sm*t and this is definitely only a T rating but the logistics of this was a challenge. :) Hope it works!

(Any other prompts, I have steadily been getting to work on, so if you sent me something, it's still in my queue!)

For this post: send me a prompt number from one of these lists and characters for My Tooth Your Love and I'll write a short scene.

Also on AO3 and all my other my mtyl one shots.

Tell me what you want

RJ was trying to appear calm. He knew it wouldn’t be good to show Alex how much he was freaking out about being in his apartment. He had never imagined he’d get to see it, let alone be invited to it. 

Being inside, it was exactly what RJ would expect from Alex’s place. Minimalist. An open studio apartment with a chair and some book shelves, a galley kitchen and a good sized bed. RJ’s eyes slid over the last object unable to not picture Alex waking up in it in the morning, his hair all disheveled, rubbing sleep from his eyes. RJ wanted to see it so badly. 

And now he thought maybe someday Alex would want him to see it too. He had kissed him back. He had said he liked having him around. For Alex that was practically a proposal. 

When they were together back at the restaurant, things felt normal, like nothing had changed between them. Alex still kinda lectured about things. RJ still kinda listened.

He wasn’t exactly sure what to do next. It was like they had meant to step over a line, but still had their toes on it. 

Until that night Alex said, “Do you want to come over for a bit after we close?”

That was a few hours ago. RJ had been in complete and utter internal panic ever since. Still, he smiled and nodded in agreement. There was no way he was going to miss this chance.

Except, now that RJ was in there, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know where to sit, how to hold his body. He couldn't figure out why his hands felt so heavy, why his arms felt like they didn’t belong hanging at his side.

“Just give me a minute,” Alex said, leaving to go into the bathroom.

RJ tried to figure out what to do with himself before Alex got back. It felt awkward to sit in the single chair and it was piled with a bunch of random stuff, anyway. The bed was clear and neatly made. But sitting there seemed pretty presumptuous. So RJ just kinda stood there for a few minutes until Alex returned. 

Alex looked so much more relaxed than RJ had ever seen him when he reappeared. He was almost always wearing his work clothes when RJ was with him, a smart vest and sleeve garters. RJ hadn’t even known what those were until he had met Alex. Admittedly, RJ liked the way Alex looked in those clothes. It was something that had preoccupied his mind often. But RJ liked this too. Alex was now wearing a long sleeve jersey shirt that hung a little loose on him, but caught on his shoulders in a way that made RJ feel warm.

“You can change if you want,” Alex said, pointing to the bathroom.

RJ had trouble for a moment, trying to separate Alex's presence and thoughts of clothing being removed from getting entangled. When he regained his focus he said, “That’s okay, I changed before we left,” unzipping his coat and revealing his t-shirt.

Alex nodded and went to the kitchen for a minute, opening the cupboards and clanking around in them. RJ’s eyes landed on a guitar that was sitting in the corner of the room. He called over to Alex, “Can I take a look at this? The guitar?” He hadn’t found Alex to be particularly guarded with his space or belongings, but instruments could be sacred for some musicians. RJ was mostly fascinated because he didn’t even realize Alex played.

“Oh yeah, go ahead,” he said, shutting a cupboard and opening the fridge.

RJ picked up the instrument and decided it was best if he sat on the floor, settling in next to a small little coffee table. He strummed it gently. It was in tune. It wasn't an instrument simply there for show. 

Alex finally brought back a couple of drinks into the living area and set them on the coffee table. RJ was a bit surprised when he leaned down and sat on the ground beside him. Alex was right next to him, their knees almost touching. 

He didn’t know if Alex meant it, but it felt the same as the closeness RJ felt when they had kissed. There was plenty of room around them but he had sat down there with RJ.

Alex reached for his own drink and took a sip as RJ kept idly strumming a tune he had learned a while ago. RJ didn’t play a lot, but he enjoyed strumming and thinking up tunes when he had a guitar to do it with. His parents didn’t really want him to play. They thought it was a waste of time.

Alex put his drink back on the table and shifted his body back so that he was propping himself up on his arms, his legs stretched out next to RJ, their knees still almost touching.

“That’s nice,” Alex remarked, nodding along. “I didn’t know you played.”

“I didn’t know you played,” RJ said, letting the guitar drop into his lap.

Alex let his head shift back and forth in a weird, very relaxed kinda indication that he didn’t take his playing too seriously, which couldn't be true. RJ didn’t think there was anything Alex didn’t take seriously. 

RJ was tense. His hands weren’t steady enough now to keep playing, He carefully set the guitar next to him on the floor, out of the way. He then grabbed his own glass of water and took a big gulp, his throat suddenly intensely dry. 

“Whoa there, thirsty much?” Alex asked with a half smile. RJ’s heart flipped. Alex made him feel so many things even stone-faced and closed lipped. Alex smiling would be the death of him. 

“Must be a little dehydrated,” RJ said,clearing his throat and setting the empty glass on the table.

“You should take better care of yourself,” Alex said, nudging RJ’s leg with his foot. 

RJ glanced toward where Alex made the contact, taking a moment to comprehend Alex's action. 

“What?” he asked, pushing RJ harder with his stocking feet. 

“You’re so bossy,” RJ said. 

Alex slid his foot to push more on RJ’s legs, continuous little insistent presses that were clearly intended to irritate him.

He couldn't believe Alex was messing with him like this. “Cut it out,” RJ said, now flustered.

Alex smiled so much bigger when he said, “Make me.”

RJ didn’t even think, the way they were being, the lines that had been crossed. He wasn’t sure if there should be space between them anymore, but RJ didn’t want there to be.

He moved forward, climbing onto Alex's legs and pining them down. Alex sat there still, simply observing RJ’s shift to sitting on his thighs. He didn’t protest or act like it was strange, he just looked squarely back at RJ. 

“I…is this okay?” RJ asked. He had been the one to push things between them often, and when RJ stopped to think about it, he wished he hadn’t. He didn’t like feeling unsure of what Alex wanted. The fact that Alex had kissed him should have made things clear, but things still felt uncertain.

In a swift movement, Alex raised his legs, forcing RJ to tumble forward, his upper body falling against Alex’s chest. RJ tried to stop himself with his hands, but really all he could do was grab onto Alex’s shoulders to keep from falling face first into him. Alex pushed himself to sit up, catching RJ and basically shifting him into his lap.

They both froze for a minute, holding each other this way. RJ’s mind hadn’t caught up with their reorientation and it was almost impossible to comprehend that RJ was now straddling Alex, his arms securely around RJ’s waist, RJ’s arms finding stability by wrapping around Alex’s neck.

Still, this felt a lot more certain.

“Why are you suddenly shy?" Alex asked. "You were the one who kept coming after me,." He kept looking directly at RJ. The way their eyes met, it collapsed in on RJ. He was given over to it. All he could do was stay where he was, his arms wrapped around Alex, breathing in Alex's scent and feeling Alex all around him, strong and solid. 

“I wanted to let you decide what you wanted,” RJ said. “You hadn’t said anything since the kiss. I wasn’t sure.”

“Then why don’t you ask?” Alex said, plainly. “He Qing-Tian, you say I hide, but then you keep things to yourself too. I can’t read your mind.”

The words hit RJ because Alex was right. He had thought Alex stopped talking, but what he hadn’t realized was that he had stopped talking too. 

“You have to tell me when you’re unsure,” Alex said, and he pulled RJ into his arms, bringing him forward to press their foreheads together. 

“Okay,” RJ said, almost in disbelief that they were together like this. “I will. But can you please try to tell me what you want sometimes? I need you to tell me too.”

“I want to hold you like this,” he said. “I want you to stay like this. I want to be together.”

RJ exhaled. He tightened his arms around Alex and said, “I want that too.”

[unicornachos]

personal post!

hey hi I’m alive sorry for abandoning my blog for like 1.5 yrs??? I had a bunch of health issues and mental health stuff too :’) 

Like very full on... god what HASN’T happened. 

My body had a weird reaction to the covid vaccines in 2021? I ended up in hospital etc and was sick with mystery fatigue and shit for months and months.... I think I went to hospital like 4-5 throughout 2021? My body seems fine with the MRNA boosters I’ve gotten so maybe something in my body just hated the astrazeneca vaccine?? I’m kinda bitter about it bc of the ambulance bills I had to pay, but still, thank god for vaccines amirite

then, the apartment I was living in and loved got bought by someone who then wanted to move in, so I had to leave the place I loved living to somewhere still nice but way more expenno, and my health issues kinda continued?

then I started a new job

then my mental health got REALLY bad over the 2021/2022 christmas period to the point where I had to call an ambulance for myself bc my mind was in such a bad place. 

Then I started taking SSRI’s for depression/anxiety, but I had this weird reaction to the drugs and we think I had serotonin syndrome because of its interaction with the asthma meds I’ve been taking all my life? But at the time no doctors would listen to me and basically gaslit me into thinking all the pain was just a physical manifestation of my anxiety. Anyway, it caused some of the most horrific pain i’ve ever experienced in my life, in particular nerve and muscle pain in my legs, and I had to shower sitting down for weeks, couldn’t walk much around the house, and needed super strong meds to knock me out so I could sleep. 

I slowly healed and could walk again and do normal stuff for me around... late April?

While I was recovering I stayed with my mum but still paying rent in Sydney bc all my shit was there, so in June I killed my lease, put most of my shit into storage with a friend’s parent’s mini warehouse they use for their business (absolute legends and wholesome humans and I sent them money every month lol) and moved back home.

I started studying a certificate level course I’d been wanting to get over and done with for ages, so at the end of June I started studying.

Then once again mental health got bad, I tried SSRIs again, thinking it was me who was the problem last time I took them. BUT ACTUALLY, NO. Same physical reaction to the meds as last time, if not worse. It wasn’t my brain making shit up, it was an actual fucking drug interaction issue that ppl had tried to tell me was my anxiety and/or imagination!!! Queue horrific pain, weird symptoms, and once again the inability to walk or clean or work from anywhere but the couch.

Dr and I decided any meds that effect my serotonin levels are a no-go probably forever, and so I’ve been looking into CBD oil over the past few months to see if that will work for things instead.

Now I’m about... 2 months from that reaction, and started CBD oil 2 weeks ago (no reaction, side effects, or really anything yet) and can work at my desk as long as I have a big ass XL foot rest under my legs to keep them propped up, because I get nerve pain if I sit normally :’) I still can’t really go anywhere or walk anywhere other than around the house and for super short periods of time.

Also I powered through and finished my course just last week, so that’s out of the way at least! 

Other than that, I’ve just been like. Sleeping, reading, watching shows, napping, sleeping more, trying to eat well.... my job is a bitch but I’m trying rly hard to skill up so I can do more of what I’m interested in! I kind of don’t have energy for much else at the moment??

I have no idea if I’ll post again as regularly as I did a few years back, but I love Tumblr and I always feel glad coming back here and spending time in this place for a bit. These days I mainly only post stuff on my locked private twitter lol. But I have always preferred Tumblr’s longer format and vibes hehe.

ANyway that’s all for now! I hope anyone reading this has been doing ok. These past few years have been fucking tough and if all you have energy for is working and sleeping... you’re valid, dude. 

And if you plan to take SSRIs for your mental health, just be wary of serotonin syndrome!!!! Not enough ppl talk about it and a lot of doctors seem to have no idea it exists or also know little about it, but there are lots of cases of it in settings where ppl have been taking other meds and been given SSRIs! I’m not saying don’t take meds if you need them, but just reaaaallllyyy do your research first if you can about adverse reactions and interactions :’)

[mrswhozeewhatsis]

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129 posts created (5%)

2,648 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@littlegreenplasticsoldier

@manawhaat

@waywardnerd67

@smol-and-grumpy

@spnfanficpond

I tagged 1,246 of my posts in 2022

#queue has four redundant letters - 682 posts

#dean x reader - 307 posts

#au - 249 posts

#dean fluff - 226 posts

#rpf - 139 posts

#manta ray reads - 139 posts

#jensen x reader - 126 posts

#dean smut - 111 posts

#dean angst - 105 posts

#lol - 97 posts

Longest Tag: 109 characters

#and how sheets need to be washed on the regular because he's a dirty boy who's dirty and doesn't wear jammies

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Jensen Ackles #SPNDC gold panel

197 notes - Posted August 18, 2022

#4

Jensen Ackles #SPNDC gold panel

216 notes - Posted August 18, 2022

#3

I'm sad that there is no new episode of #TheWinchesters tonight, but looking at his silly face makes it better.

Jensen Ackles, SPNDC2022, main panel.

250 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

#2

Sam's Last Straw

A/N: This was supposed to be a ficlet or just a little something about what I would write if I actually wrote something, but instead, I actually wrote something! Prompt provided by @wingedcatninja.

Prompt: Dean x Reader, hurt/comfort

Summary: Dean and the Reader are BOTH hurt on a hunt and Sam has to take care of them. They get... needy.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Nothing. It's just so freaking fluffy.

Word count: 2322 words

After much squabbling (Dean was hurt worse, but you kind of had to pee), Sam carried you to the bathroom, then helped Dean get settled in his room, then carried you from the bathroom to your bedroom. He left you with an apology and a set of guilty puppy eyes, then raced off to find supplies.

You got changed into comfy clothes all by yourself, thank…Pete, maybe? Can’t thank God anymore, so might as well thank a random dude named Pete. It was about as effective. Anyway, a severely sprained ankle and bruised/possibly cracked ribs made things difficult, but not impossible. Mostly. You’d gotten off easy. Dean had broken his leg. Luckily, it was just a hairline fracture that would heal in a few weeks, but he was non-weight-bearing for a while. As were you. And the little clinic you’d visited for the x-rays was all out of crutches. Hence Sam running around like a one-armed paperhanger to help you both.

Sam appeared in your doorway, slightly out of breath and still with the guilty puppy eyes. “I could have sworn we had two sets of crutches in the infirmary, but I can only find one. There’s not even a cane or a walker or anything, so I went online and ordered us a bunch. They’ll be at the post office in a couple of days. Until then, I’ll keep helping you two and you can share the one pair, right?”

“Sam,” you replied with a sigh, “With the ribs, I can barely sit up straight without pain, so I think hanging out in bed is going to suit me just fine. Let Dean keep the crutches and I’ll just use my desk chair or something if I really need to get around.” You shrugged as your mind started to put together a makeshift walker with your chair and a towel or something so it would slide on the bunker’s cement floors.

“Although that sounds like a neat idea, I insist on you just relaxing, okay? Stay in bed, and just call me if you need anything. It’s my fault you’re hurt, anyway. I will bring you food and whatever you want until the crutches and stuff get here. Okay?”

Gosh, he looked so sad and guilty. “Sam, it’s not your fault I got hurt! The plan went sideways, that’s all! The plan always goes sideways, and it’s no biggie! You don’t have to wait on me hand and foot as an apology because there’s no apology necessary.”

“I insist!” he argued. “Really, I want to!”

You rolled your eyes and sighed. “Fine. Whatever you want. But honestly, just bring me some food every so often and I’ll be okay, okay?”

“Okay.” Sam grinned.

“But Sam—”

“Yeah?”

“Could you go to Walmart and pick up some things?” You pulled out your phone and texted him a short list. Back scratcher or something for under-cast itches, a couple of different pies, those little frozen mini pizzas Dean loved, and slide-on slippers to wear until he could get his boots on, again. “I don’t really need anything, but Dean’s gonna need some things with that cast he’s got.”

“Just for Dean?” Sam bit his lips to stop from smirking and you rolled your eyes.

“It doesn’t mean anything, Sam! In fact, don’t even tell him it was my idea.” You crossed your arms over your chest and dared him to argue with you, hiding the fear that Sam would spill the beans about your crush. Your face heated without your permission, though, giving you away.

“Yeah, yeah, doesn’t mean a thing,” Sam teased as he shut the door behind him.

Across the hall, a similar scene played out with Dean.

“Hey, Dean, I’m heading to Walmart to pick up some things. Want anything?”

Dean shifted and picked up his phone. “Yeah. Well, I don’t really need anything, but I bet Y/N does. She’s going to want to soak in the bathtub with some Epsom salts for those ribs, and she’ll want some arnica for bruising, which we’re all out of. And get her some cute fuzzy slippers to wear until she can fit her shoes on, again, or her feet will get cold on the cement floors.” Dean tapped away on his phone. “Here, I’m texting you a list.”

“Slippers?” Sam teased. “And nothing for you, huh?”

Dean looked up from his phone and glared at his brother. “I know you think it means something but it doesn’t mean anything! In fact, don’t even tell her it was my idea! Take the credit for yourself and earn her forgiveness since she got hurt saving your ass,” Dean groused.

A grimace replaced Sam’s grin. He really did feel bad about you having been where he was supposed to be and you then getting hurt. “She’s already forgiven me, and I’ve already promised to take care of her until she’s mobile again to make up for her getting hurt. I don’t need to take credit for your ideas. Why don’t you keep your credit and just tell her how you feel?”

“There are no feelings, Sam, so just take the list, get the stuff, and do whatever you need to do to help her feel better. Maybe you could watch rom coms and braid each other’s hair?”

Sam bit his lips for the second time that hour to keep a smirk from forming. “Alright, man. Whatever you say. I’m off to Walmart.”

See the full post

347 notes - Posted May 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Jensen Ackles #SPNDC gold panel

825 notes - Posted August 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[doctor-badadvice]

Maybe it's late to talk about Scream Fortress but whatever. I'm going to talk about the new maps.

I love Scream Fortress. It's a great time with good (free) cosmetics and what made me get into tf2 in the first place. My first hour in game was spent as a very confused Heavy on Brimstone. I had fun then and I come back for the event every year.

This year, unfortunately, the game decided to test my patience.

There's a different between wanting new content and digging through garbage with the raccoons for just about anything. Every time for the past two or three years whenever they added something new, it was either boring or broken. We had absolute pearls like Laughter and Crasher, two maps that are both beautiful and fun to play. Then we had Soulmill, Bonesaw, Precipice, fucking Sinshine and Graveyard and of course, a whole bunch of uninteresting cosmetics and taunts that just happened to have many votes on the workshop.

And I know that if I wasn't a nobody on the internet, I'd already have an angry mob at my door because I dared saying community made stuff is not the very good. How dare I have an opinion on something that's in the game I've played for way too many hours.

So this year we had a crate that didn't even reach 50 cents on the market for the first evening (something that even Christmas crates manage, mind you) and not one, not four, but a whole twelve new maps to try.

For the sake of my memory and because I want to discuss the zombie mode later, I'll just go in order of whatever I remember.

Spineyard

Let's start off with yet another damn reskin. This time it's Vineyard, a map that I played once then removed from my queue because it's yet another payload map that suffers from the Overwatch condition. Wide empty areas, lots of unused hallways where you're meant to flank but you won't find anyone there because it's an open area, everyone's playing Soldier or Demo and spamming anyway. But there's more! Every once in a while you'll hear a bell and then the undead mafia shows up.

The undead mafia. On a map based on Italy. How fucking original the makers are. Congrats on being fucking boring. I hope you step on a Lego.

Also they're basically SMG Sniper bots from MvM with a bit of skeleton AI, nothing groundbreaking.

Lava Pit

This map made me wonder whether there's people out there who sit around debating which stupid maps should get a reskin next. Sawmill won the last vote, now it's the turn of the map that's only ever been good for promotional material.

So we have a map that is inaccessibility incarnate. It's dark so you can't see Blu team unless you crank up your colors to the max and the rest is lava so Red melds with the background. You can't see sentries for shit because everything is red and brown. This map gave me a migraine.

Slime

"Hey, kids! Wanna play koth with Salmon Run ripoff skeleton reskins that for some reason move at 3fps and teleport around making it impossible to aim at them?"

Yeah, fuck this map. The stupid fish spawn en masse and never stop, making it impossible to even get to the point if you're in a small team. The sea shantie never stops playing so that's added torture. The only good thing out of this is that my mini sentry was still up at the end of the match so I got 60 contract points by waiting for the game to reload the map while I was tabbed out.

I take it someone made a video explaining how to program the skeleton AI in custom maps this year. Otherwise I don't see why the workshop was hit such a wave of originality this past year.

Perks:

"Hey kids! Want to play koth but, like, less? This is the map for you!"

Why the fuck are we playing arena in 2023? Every time it takes ages to complete these contracts because you make at best 5 points per match and that's just if you're stomping the other team! I wasted too much time on this shit. May it burn in the same pit as Graveyard. Fuck play to spectate mode. Valve had a point in removing it from pubs.

Mannsylvania

Every year they add a new chokepoint fest. All you do is leave spawn and hope you don't encounter the same piece of shit who's been camping the rare spell for the past twenty minutes. It's a bunch of hallways. You run around staring at the sky like an idiot hoping that this next turn is going to make you bump in the guy with the points you keep seeing through the walls. Horrid design. Shouldn't have been added at all.

Sandcastle

I don't have much to say about this map. It's DeGroot Keep but sand. The underworld is cute but there's nothing different otherwise. It's a summer map with spells active. I played it a little longer than the others because I like medieval mode.

Corruption

I couldn't believe it at first. This is the one decent map. It's a payload map that isn't just a spam fest. It has the appropriate space for everyone, actual flanks and not just the same door slightly to the side. It forces both sides to be smart with and against buildings and charging in with uber is actually rewarded. And even better, you don't keep clipping into the clutter that's spread around the floor because ✨ aesthetics ✨ (Hello Bonesaw. Fuck you specifically). I don't get the logic behind the underworld being a mental asylum but still, a good map. It's incredible. I'd replay this one if I didn't run out of time.

Infection/L4Dvs/the zombie mode

Let's make a premise. Tf2 isn't good at explaining things. It's a game from another time where you were meant to learn through observation and a lot of trial and error. Minecraft is another game like this. You learn how to play from Youtube. But you know what Minecraft doesn't have? The projector.

In the old days, when you joined payload in quickplay for the first time, the game would show a little video with footage of the mode so you would know that Blu pushes the payload and Red tries to stop them. This zombie mode comes with a tutorial but it tells you 10% of what you're fucking supposed to do.

This is a community mode. Fine. What if I never played it? How am I supposed to know that the zombies can only…bite? Punch? It's a clunky melee attack that doesn't even feel good to land like a wrench swing or an actual punch. They don't tell you that the zombies have unique abilities. You just get a meter and then you have to figure it out. I played through all the maps and still don't know what half the classes do.

Well, obviously they're in some way based on the infected from Left4Dead, a game I often found myself thinking about while playing this mode. But what is, say, a guy who started playing the other day supposed to know about this?

Next time someone says Valve should fix the game's learning curve, I'm going to personally apply their clown makeup. This isn't 2016 to find out the latest updates from VNN.

What about the maps?

Murky

Red sits on a little platform surrounded by sentries. It's pitch dark next to the water so you have no way to even get close enough to look at it as a zombie. 60% of the map is unused. The grass is annoying as hell. I left as soon as the contract was finished because fuck.

Woods

The famous wild turtle engineer evolves into a skunk engineer by hiding in a mine with two small entrances crying and whimpering while the level 3 sentry delays the inevitable. What these players fail to realize is that the sentry doesn't shoot faster depending on how much meat throws itself at it. They're simply wasting everybody's time and for this…they should really feel bad.

Atoll

This map manages to be worse than Murky entirely because of the broken hitboxes. I've bumped into several invisible obstacles. Atoll gets the "Bonesaw of the Year" award entirely because I died to fake gaps and platforms with questionable tangibility.

Devastation

The spirits of Bonesaw and Lavapit came together to have a child named Devastation.

This map is too dark. There are corners where you can only spot players because of their cosmetics. Sometimes zombies have to simply walk into the whole Red team and die because they spawned in a place with only one exit and some zombie classes simply don't get to use their ability here because the rooms are too small. The only good thing about this mess is that it bugged out and Red won the round as soon as it started. 30 points with no effort at all. That saved me precious time.

Sanitarium

I kept the best one for last because it's the one I actually enjoyed playing. The setting isn't too dark for once, the inside of a building isn't covered with assets from Mann Manor and it actually feels like a location from a zombie game. You'd expect hordes of rabid Left4Dead infected charging at you from the front yard, past the reception and in every room up to the top floor.

You can't keep a sentry down here for too long either, meaning that everyone has to actually play the game and there is no one just stalling for time and I've seen people have a lot of fun messing around in the elevator.

The only negative I can think of is that it could have used some more polish. The elevator uses a noise that I think comes from Half Life which distracted me because I'm weird like that. But it's a Source noise™️, it's not that big of a deal. The more glaring flaw were the floating zombie skins around the map and the console commands popping up in the chat. It doesn't look great but hey, Bonesaw dropped without a playable objective, didn't it? There’s always worse.

In conclusion, I guess we got 12 maps because Valve noticed that there isn't as much junk to throw in the crates as it used to and is adding gamemodes to make people shut the hell up. The zombie mode left me craving for L4D2 but I don't have as many people to play it with anymore. The other maps were the usual random crap they've been tossing in the game for the past few years. There was nothing really outstanding from the regular gamemodes visually but it was refreshing to get a good experience gameplay wise instead of something that only looks good in screenshots.

I hope we can go back to having a reasonable amount of maps added next year. Less is more these days of games diluting the experience so you stick around to buy the next season pass. Tf2 has no right, nor does it need these practices. It's a good game at the core without gachas or similar crap.

Also, the Toastmaster hasn't been broken for 0 days.

[wlwloverwrites]

omgg for lovers hour (btw LOVE this concept you’re legit my fave author on this app i can’t wait to read what you write!!!) what about bottom!nat in a maids outfit for a smutty blurb?? that image Does things to me🥵

Anonymous said

natasha and reader have a thing for riding each other’s faces 🥵 i bet nat makes the loudest moans and whimpers as she rides your face and begs you for more.

Warnings: MAID COSTUME! light degrading, choking, face sitting, anal fingering, smut (18+)

Word count: 1.3k

Lover Hours Masterlist

not edited *

The maid costume was bought as a backup plan in case Natasha didn’t like her nun costume. She always hated the idea of online shopping, never truly knowing if the clothes would fit too big or too small and not to mention how addicting it was.

It was already the second week of November when the package was delivered to your shared apartment. The both of you agreed to have your own privacy and get away from the other avengers. It was a new change and so far it was going well. Completely clueless on what package you were carrying with you walked up the many stairs. Causally flipping through your mail.

“Babe!”

“Yeah?”

“You got a package!” Chuckling to yourself when you hear her shuffling and almost trip over her two left feet. Handing her the small package, watching her cheeks turn a light shade of pink. At first it’s because of your kiss, but your eyes follow hers.

“Is that a maid costume?”

Natasha is holding up the tiny costume, the black skirt of the dress is shorter then short. Big white ruffles are displayed from under the skirt. The top of the costume had a reasonable neckline, it was low enough to leave you thinking the dirtiest thoughts.

You could almost picture her accidentally flashing you when doing, literally anything. Maybe if Natasha bent down too far, no matter which way she was facing, you’d be there for an eyeful. Whether it was her breasts or sinful image of her soaked panties.

“It came too late,” Natasha pouts, despite her flushed cheeks - fully aware what thoughts are running through your head - she’s sad. Sad that she couldn’t wear this cute little number on one of the funnest holidays of the year.

“Doesn’t mean you still can’t wear.”

-

“Such a pretty maid.”

Natasha is sitting on her knees, staring at your with the prettiest bambi eyes. The ball gag is making her drool all over her chin and onto her breast, so messy. Her thighs look even thicker with them flushed together, you knew if you looked close enough you’d see her clenching them together.

“Open your legs, maid.”

Natasha whimpers at your command, immediately complying and opens them. The costume is doing very little to cover her body, and you loved every second. Her light pink cotton panties are soaked through, a dark pink spot getting larger with each comment you made.

“Looks like the lovely maid has a mess between her thighs,” you mock while removing the ball gag and throwing it to the side.

Your fingers hooked on to her necklace, scoffing at the little accessory she added. Tugging harshly at the chain, pulling her up to her feet. You can tell you pulled with the right amount of force due to the little moan that slipped through her mouth.

Natasha has always truly been a sucker for pain.

Your warm hand finds her neck, starting off with a light squeeze and then fully wrapping around her throat. Her eyes flutter shut when she feels your other hand bunch up the back part of the skirt and grab a handful of her ass. Massaging her bum, purposely digging your short nails into her skin.

“I want you to sit on my face.”

If it weren’t for your hands supporting her, Natasha would have melted into your arms. Natasha is quick to nod at your request. She wanted nothing more than to ride your face and come all over your tongue.

“Have to clean up that dirty mess between your thighs.”

Your hand that was on her ass hooks her panties down her legs and stuffs them into your jean pocket. The simple yet naughty action makes Natasha needier. Falling onto your back and on top of the soft queen size bed. You watch hungrily as Natasha crawls on top of you. The natural scent of her sex reaches your nose when her thighs land beside your face.

Brushing your nose softly against her inner thighs, her pussy is dripping with juices. Truly she’s a mess. Locking your arms around her thighs, you knew as soon as you’d get your mouth on her she’d start squirming.

“I want you to moan as loud as you want, got that?”

Natasha nods, forgetting that you couldn’t see her she’s quick to correct herself before you could correct her yourself. “Yes, I understand.”

As if on queue, Natasha lets out a loud moan and squirms in your firm hold when you lick a wet stripe on her pussy. Lapping your tongue over and over again, never getting enough of her sweet taste. Her pretty moans fill your ears, a beautiful song you had total control over.

“Please.”

Kitten licking her throbbing clit, almost in a teasing manner. Her thighs twitch around you, you’re scared for only half a second that she’s squeeze your head too tightly and make you pass out. But does that really sound so bad?

“Please more!” Her whines are broken as her hands grip the white sheets. Her bottom lip is pulled between her teeth, the sting of her nails sudden digging to her soft palms make her flinch.

Ignoring her pleads, you continue your slow pace. Take your time, pulling each moan and licking each drop. Digging your fingers into her milk thighs, wanting nothing more than to leave bruises in their wake.

The urge to mark her body with your touch, your bruise, your kiss.

She groan in protest when you detach your mouth from her heat. Not liking her attitude you sneak a quick bite to her thigh. She flinched for a second then moans. You soothe the ache a small kiss. Pressing more kisses all over, occasionally sucking a hickie or two on her pale skin. And by ‘occasionally’ you meant every chance you got.

Landing a soft, almost nonexistent kiss on her clit. Pride fills your chest when Natasha cries out in pleasure.

“Ride my face, baby.”

Natasha could cry, the build up was making her hyper and needier and now you granted her permission to do one of her favorite things... ever.

She does exactly what you ask, she rides your face like her face depends on it. She more confident then the first time you ask her. One of the worlds smartest spies was shy and self conscious when you ask her to ride your face. Now? She had no care in the world and focused on your voice and mouth.

Rolling her hips, finding the perfect angle that makes her tummy flip and pussy clench with need. Your chin is soaked with all she had to offer.

Moving your hand and reaching for Natasha face. Your hand squeezes her face harshly. Her lips are puckered and her cheeks are smashed. Bringing your fingers to her mouth, sucking on her clit unexpectedly. Your silent command, she gets the memo and sucking your fingers. Once she’s done coating them in her salvia you bring fingers under her skirt.

Your hands slip and find her ass. Grabbing the perky flesh and spreading her cheek, your soaked pointer finger is quick to find her tightest hole.

“Wh-What are you doing?”

“Just trust me, yeah?”

“M’kay.”

Circling your dripping finger along her tightest ring, the tight muscles flutter with your touch. A foreign feeling takes up Natasha’s body when you carefully push in the tip of your finger.

Studying her moans, you continue you lick her clit. Experimentally, you wiggle your finger.

“Fuck!”

Pushing just a little bit more of your finger, you suck hard on her clit. Her moans are loud and whiny, her hands grip the sheets until her knuckles turn white.

“Ah! I’m gonna come!” Never stopping until she falls apart on your face. Her mouth opens to let out a silent scream.

“I’m coming!”

~lover hours~ (send smutty concepts/blurbs NOT RESQUESTS)

[alex-byers3]

As It Was (Steve HarringtonxReader)

Part 7

Work at Scoops wasn’t busy, which was good but that just meant the tips would suck ass. Steve is in the back, doing god knows what, while Robin and I are taking care of the customers up front.

“Have a nice day,” Robin doesn’t sound convincing as she hands two customers their ice cream cones.

“Thank you,” The woman says as the couple walks away.

“Gross, isn’t it?” Robin mumbles to me.

“What?” I ask, putting the cash in the register.

“Love, couples, PDA,” She pretends to gag.

“It doesn’t sound that terrible, Robin. Just wait till you meet the right guy,” I pat her shoulder.

She glares at me, “Yeah that won’t happen. Maybe for you, but not for me sugar.”

I roll my eyes and grab a rag to wipe down the counters.

“Come on, Byers. You’re hot, pretty, beautiful, gorgeous,”

I laugh, “Buckley, that stuff means the same thing,”

Robin shakes her head, “No, no, no, it’s not. You are all those things but you pull them off. You have so much to offer. You’re smart, funny, and anyone would be so fucking lucky to be with you,”

“If they’re so lucky, then where are they at? Where is my knight in shining armor?” I scoff.

Robin gave me a smile and shrugs her shoulders. “What if he’s under your nose and you’re just being dumb?”

I scrunch my face up. “I thought you said I was smart?”

Robin holds her stomach as she laughs hard. I roll my eyes and giggle.

“Hi!”

Robin and I look over the counter and see a smaller adorable child. A smile grows on my face.

“Hi,” Robin says back as she leans over the counter.

“I’m Dustin,” He says, pointing to himself.

“I’m Robin,” She looks confused.

“DUSTY!” I yell, leaving behind the counter, and going to him.

“LEX!” He hugs me and we laugh.

“How’s was camp?” I ask, pulling away from him.

“It was wonderful. Also, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Robin! Uh, is—is he here?” Dustin looks between me and Robin.

“Is who here?” Robin asks.

On queue, Steve busts out the back door, seeing us with Dustin.

“Henderson!” Steve says, his arms raised up in the air.

I can’t help but laugh seeing how excited Steve was to his Dustin. Dustin points at Steve and laughs, jumping up and down like Steve was.

“Henderson! He’s back!” Steve shouts.

Robin looks at me, so confused. I smile and whisper, “They are buddies,”

“He’s back!” Steve says again.

“I’m back!” Dustin giggles.

“You got the job!” Dustin points at the shop.

“I got the job!” Steve yells and imitates playing the trumpet.

I laugh, holding my stomach. Bunch of dummies.

“Hey! Oh!” Dustin and Steve say, shaking hands.

They start imitating they were holding lightsabers, clashing them together. They groan as they got hit and then start laughing. I roll my eyes and Robin leans to my ear.

“What the fuck? Bunch of nerds.”

I keep laughing.

“How many children are you friends with, Dingus?” Robin says to Steve.

Steve looks at us and pulls himself together, sighing.

“Alex, can you make a Banana Boat for the small one?” Steve rests his hand on my shoulder.

“Only because it’s for Dusty,” I lightly shove Steve off me and go make Dustin’s ice cream. ——————————————

I am on my break and I decide to go sit with Steve and Dustin in the booth, where Dustin was scarfing down the banana split I had made for him.

“No, no, no! Hotter than Phoebe Cates? No.” Steve says to Dustin.

“Mm-hmm,” Dustin nods his head.

“Who’s hotter than Phoebe Cates?” I sit down next to Steve.

“My girlfriend!” Dustin smiles.

“Way to go, Dusty!” I give him a fist bump, earning a glare from Steve.

“Please don’t encourage him,” Steve looks at me funny, and I stick my tongue out at him.

“She’s brilliant, too. And she doesn’t even care that my real pearls are still coming in. She says kissing is better without teeth.” Dustin continues.

Steve looks at Dustin and then me, completely weirded out.

“Wow. Yeah, that’s great. Proud of you, man.” Steve stutters out.

“What’s her name?” I ask.

“Suzie,” Dustin takes a bite of his ice cream.

“Yeah now, that whole thing that’s ro—that’s kinda romantic.”

“That’s like…Wow,” I say.

“Hm,” Dustin then points at his treat, “So do you really just get to eat as much of this as you want?”

Steve and I nod.

“Yeah, I mean, sure. It’s not really a good idea for me, though. I gotta keep in shape for the ladies.” Steve gestures to himself.

“Yeah, and how’s that working out for you?” I ask.

“Shut up Byers,” Steve says.

“Yeah what she said,” Robin walks by.

“Ignore her too,” Steve points at Robin.

“She seems cool,” Dustin says.

“Robin and I are besties,” I say, smiling.

“Besties at ganging up on me. And she’s not cool. So, where are the other knuckleheads?” Steve asks.

“They ditched me yesterday.” Dustin frowns.

“Even Will? That doesn’t sound like him.” I say, now full of worry.

“No.” Steve comments.

“Yeah, my first day back. Can you believe that shit?”

“Whoa. Seriously?” Steve says.

“That’s weird,” I say, resting my chin on my hand, while my elbow was on the table.

“I swear to god. Mm.” He took a big bite of his ice cream and he points at us like he just thought of something.

“They’re gonna regret it, though, big time, when they don’t get to share in my glory.”

“Glory? What glory?” I ask.

Steve crosses his arms and leans them on the table. Dustin scoots closer to Steve. As he does this, I scoot closer to Steve, my hand on his shoulder. I feel his back tense. I rub my thumb up and down, and his shoulder relaxes into my touch.

“So, last night,” Dustin begins, “we’re trying to get in contact with Suzie,”

“Oh. Mhmm.” Steve nods his head and gives Dustin a smirk.

“And, um,” Dustin pauses and whispers something.

We couldn’t hear what he said.

“What?” Steve and I say together.

He whispers it again but still too quiet.

“Speak louder, dude,” Steve says.

“I intercepted a secret Russian communication!!!!!” Dustin yells.

Everyone in the shop looks at Dustin. I look at Steve and then Dustin, grimacing.

“Jeez, shh. Yeah, okay, that’s what I thought you said.” Steve says.

I smack Steve’s chest. “You didn’t hear what he said,”

“What—what does that mean?” Steve asks, ignoring me.

“It means, Steve, we could be heroes. Even Alex. True American heroes.”

“Huh,” Steve huffs.

“Mm-hmm?” Dustin nods.

“American heroes,” Steve smiles.

“Don’t make it go to your head, dipshit,” I say.

“I’m fine,” Steve says.

“Just think, you could have all the ladies you want and more,” Dustin says.

I feel my face fall and I remove my hand from Steve and scoot back a bit.

“More?” Steve asks, looks like he’s staring into la-la land.

“More,” Dustin confirms.

“I like more,” Steve states.

“Mm-hmm.” Dustin nods.

“Don’t get Romeo his hopes up, Dusty,” I say.

“Don’t interrupt the dream, Alex,” Steve waves his hand at me.

I roll my eyes and mumble what he said, under my breath.

“What’s the catch?” Steve asks.

Dustin shakes his head, “No catch, I just need your help.”

“With what?” Steve asks.

Dustin grabs his backpack and unzips the front pocket to pull out the book. The title read, ‘Romanov’s Russian-English, English-Russian Dictionary’.

“Translation,” He says, showing us the book.

“What about me?” I ask.

Dustin looks at me and smiles.

“You can help. We need your brains. And I’m sure you’ll have guys all over you.” He smiles his toothless grin showing.

“Nah, she doesn’t want that,” Steve shakes his head.

I glare at Steve and smirk.

“Actually I do. Count me in, Henderson.”

Steve looks at me, a look of disappointment it seems like but I don’t care.

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

Hi there!

I finally have an idea for the sequel to the angst! By the way, it really did help. Less strong emotions :D

Anyways, idea. Woot woot-

Wels, as a kind of revenge for the death of Hels, wants to save some other helsmits from the world that is Hels. Because it sucks there. He ends up secluding himself from the server to try this. When somebody goes to check on him, they find an obsidian portal frame with a firey red portal contained within. Queue Wels and another Helsmit conveniently coming through, and Wels having to quickly explain before the Hermit tells X-

this is a long boi!!! lol

first part here

...

This is it. This is the moment Wels has been waiting for. After weeks of hiding out in his house, doing experiment after experiment, he’s finally managed to create a portal directly to Helscraft. Now he can finally start on his mission.

He steps through the portal and finds himself facing a bridge across a gigantic ravine with lava at the bottom. On the other side is a mountain made of netherrack and magma blocks, some of which are on fire.

Shivering, he crosses the bridge slowly, one step at a time, keeping a wary eye out for any helsmits around. There doesn’t seem to be any.

Until he steps off the bridge, glances up, and happens to spot a familiar person sitting in a “tree” made of soul sand and bone blocks. Familiar except red eyes, red streaks in his hair, a much shorter stature, and black-and-magenta dragon-like wings.

“Hi,” he says cautiously.

“Helsknight…?” The person narrows their eyes. “Why do you look different?”

“I’m not Helsknight, I’m his hermit counterpart.”

The helsmit blinks in surprise. “Welsknight? What are you doing here in Helscraft?”

“Are you Grian’s helsmit?” asks Wels, avoiding the question.

“...surely you can tell,” the helsmit scoffs. “Yeah, I’m Xelqua, Grian’s helsmit. Why’re you here? Where’s Helsknight?”

Again, Wels tries to avoid the question. “Were you… close to Helsknight?”

“Not really.” Xelqua again narrows his eyes. “What do you mean by that? Where IS he?”

“He’s…” Wels hesitates and bows his head. “I’m really sorry, but he… he passed away.”

He hears a sharp intake of breath from Xelqua.

“I’m sorry,” he says uselessly.

“Why are you here?”

Wels looks back up at Xelqua. “What?”

“WHY ARE YOU HERE?” demands Xelqua loudly. “What, is it not enough that we exist here in this HELLISH place?! You wanna come here and take it over too?! Drive us out AGAIN?!”

“I- No!” Wels hurriedly shakes his head. “No no no! I came here to invite you back to Hermitcraft.”

A flash of shock flickers over Xelqua’s face. “Why the hell would you do that?”

“Because Helsknight wanted all of you to be free. He sacrificed himself for me, so I’m carrying on his dream.” Wels offers his hand to the helsmit. “Xelqua, come with me to Hermitcraft. I can get you a better life there.”

“Wow.” Xelqua appears not to know how to react to this unexpected offer. “What do you get in return?”

“Nothing.”

Xelqua rolls his eyes. “SURE.”

“No, really,” Wels insists. “I want to help you, all of you. I’m not asking for anything in return. I just want you guys to have a better life.”

Xelqua regards Wels with a half-suspicious look. “Why me, of all the helsmits?”

“I want to save all of you at some point. You seem like a good place to start.”

The helsmit doesn’t appear to have a response to this.

“Please, Xelqua,” says Wels softly. “Give me a chance.”

Xelqua is silent for a while as he processes this in his head. Finally, he says, “Okay. I won’t turn down a chance to go to Hermitcraft.”

Wels can’t help an excited smile. “Great! You won’t regret it.”

When Xelqua hops down from the “tree”, Wels is surprised to discover that the helsmit is only just half his height. The height of a child, despite looking almost exactly like Grian.

“Okay, come this way,” he says.

He leads Xelqua back down the bridge and over to the portal. “Will you be able to come through?” he asks.

“I dunno, you’re the brainiac hermit,” Xelqua responds. “Will I die if I go through?”

“Not inherently, but…”

Xelqua shrugs. “Whatever. Death is better than another day in Helscraft anyway. YOLO.”

Wels blinks as Xelqua steps through the portal. Did he just say… YOLO?!

He hurriedly follows Xelqua. As soon as he steps foot in his house on the other side, however, he sees Xelqua frozen on the platform. When he steps forward, he sees why.

One of his friends is standing at the bottom of the staircase, staring at him in shock and horror.

Wels blinks, his heart starting to pound. “...J-Jevin. Hi. You’re in my house.”

“Of course I’m in your dang house, Wels!” snaps Jevin. “You haven’t been seen on the server for WEEKS! And now you come out of a demonic nether portal with a DEMON?!”

Wels quickly pushes Xelqua behind him. “He’s not a demon, Jev. His name is Xelqua. He’s Grian’s helsmit.”

Jevin’s eyes widen and he steps back.

Wels sees his friend’s muscles bunching. “Jev, no…!”

Jevin takes another step back.

“JEV.”

“Somehow a demon would have been BETTER!” yells Jevin, before taking off running.

Wels sprints after him. He’s a lot faster than Jevin so he’s able to tackle his friend to the ground at the top of the stairs.

“Jev, wait!” Wels grunts, trying to hold his squirming friend down. “Hear me out!”

“Are you INSANE?!” Jevin shrieks back. “WHY would you bring a helsmit here?!”

As Wels is about to respond, a dry voice comes from behind them. “Now I know why you said you wanted to avoid this guy, Wels.”

Wels twists his head upwards to find Xelqua standing over them, arms folded. “I didn’t say-.”

“The hell’s that supposed to mean?” demands Jevin, disentangling himself from Wels.

The hint of a smirk is visible on Xelqua’s face. “He said you were pretty close-minded and quick to jump to conclusions.”

“I never said-!”

Wels is cut off as Jevin jumps to his feet and jabs his finger at Xelqua. “You shut your mouth. You’re not even supposed to be here!”

“I’m not the one judging someone I just met based on their nature of birth, Slime Face,” retorts Xelqua.

“If you call me that again, I’m gonna ram my fist in your eye,” Jevin growls.

Xelqua lifts his chin challengingly. “Go for it. I’m not afraid to fight an old man.”

As Jevin moves suddenly, Wels gets between them and holds his friend back. “Okay, STOP it! Both of you! Jev, be the bigger person here.”

“I AM the bigger person!” Jevin snaps back. “Literally!”

“Wow, a short joke,” Xelqua says expressionlessly. “Original. You proud of that one, Slime Face? You feel funny? Clever?”

Jevin’s hands curl into fists. “Wels, you better explain yourself before I punt this obnoxious kid straight into the goddamn sun.”

“Your stupid slimey foot would go right through me,” Xelqua responds immediately.

“Right, that’s it.”

Wels has to strain against Jevin to stop his friend from physically attacking Xelqua. “JEVIN. STOP.”

“Explain yourself, then!”

Wels quickly draws Jevin aside into the next room. “Look.” He takes a deep breath. “I spent months befriending my helsmit, learning about how he dreamt of freeing his siblings from their torturous existence, only for him to die before even being able to start on his dream. Helsmits aren’t inherently evil, Jev. Helsknight grew as a person right in front of me. With the right environment and people surrounding them, they can become good.”

He pauses, his gaze dropping to the floor. “Even if I can only change one helsmit’s life for the better then maybe Helsknight’s death didn’t have to be meaningless.”

Jevin gazes back at him, an odd expression on his face.

“Just…” Wels sighs quietly. “Please don’t tell Xisuma until I’m ready. If he finds out about this before Xelqua makes any noticeable improvements, he’ll have him thrown back to Helscraft and all this will be for nothing. Helsknight’s dream can’t die like that. I can’t… I can’t lose him all over again.”

A short pause follows his words.

Finally, Jevin unfolds his arms and says, “Okay. How can I help?”

“By not treating me like a stupid kid,” comes Xelqua’s voice.

Jevin turns to find the helsmit poking his head through the doorway. “Wasn’t talking to you, Parrot Boy.”

“I’m not a parrot,” Xelqua says. “I’m a dragon.”

“Sure.”

Scowling, Xelqua extends his jet black and magenta wings. “My wings are dragon wings.”

“Whatever you say, Parrot Boy.”

Xelqua glares at him and doesn’t respond.

Jevin raises an eyebrow. “Nicknames hurt, huh?”

“Jev,” sighs Wels. “You’re the adult here.”

“Why AM I the adult here?” Jevin demands. “If he’s Grian’s helsmit, why is he still a kid?”

Xelqua stomps his foot. “I’m not a kid!”

Ignoring him, Wels replies, “Helsmits are only born once a person becomes a hermit. Grian’s only been a hermit for a few years, so Xelqua hasn’t had a chance to grow up yet.”

“Hey, I’m PERFECTLY grown up!” snaps Xelqua. “I already know how to kill things without spilling much blood and how to steal stuff from a chest from right under someone’s nose.”

Wels and Jevin exchange a slightly concerned look.

“But you never had a normal childhood?” asks Jevin.

“I’M NOT A CHILD!” yells Xelqua angrily.

Jevin persists: “Have you ever even seen grass?”

Xelqua scowls. “...what’s grass?”

“Okay…” Jevin pauses for a moment. “Come up this way.”

As he goes to the door, Wels starts to speak: “Jev-.”

“I’ll be careful,” says Jevin reassuringly. “Come on, kid.”

Clearly deciding not to argue anymore, Xelqua follows Jevin out of the house. As soon as he gets outside, he glances up and immediately jumps almost a foot in the air. “What is that?!”

Jevin quickly identifies where he’s looking. “The sun.”

“That’s not the sun,” scoffs Xelqua.

“It is.”

Xelqua shields his eyes from the sunlight and squints up at the sky. “But it’s not hurting my skin.”

“It will if you stay out in it too long.” Jevin pauses. “Why, what’s your sun like?”

“Volatile,” Xelqua responds. “If it’s in a bad mood, it’ll set you on fire as soon as you step out in it. Which is almost every day.”

Jevin blinks. “Your sun is sentient?”

“Trust me, that’s not the weirdest thing that’s sentient in Helscraft.”

“Do I wanna ask?”

“Nope.” Xelqua lowers his hand. “So what’s this grass thing you mentioned?”

Jevin gestures at the ground. “What you’re standing on.”

“Really? This is grass?” Xelqua hops up and down on it a few times. “I thought it’d be a bit more interesting.”

“Lie down on it.”

Xelqua shoots him a suspicious look. “Why?”

“Just do it.”

After a moment, Xelqua lies down flat on the grass. “Okay, now what?”

“Look up at the sky,” Jevin responds. “See those clouds?”

Xelqua frowns up at the sky. “The grey things?”

“Yeah. Do you have clouds?”

“Not like those. Ours are spikey and red and rain lava.”

“Oh jeez…” Jevin shivers. “Well, these ones won’t hurt you. Just watch them for a while.”

“Okay…”

The two fall silent. Jevin watches the clouds himself for a while, before turning back to Xelqua, whose expression is almost completely blank. “So?”

“Weirdly, this is nice,” admits Xelqua. “It’s a bizarre concept to not be afraid of every single thing around me.” As if on cue, a few raindrops start to fall from the sky. Xelqua hops up as the rain gets heavier and dives between Jevin’s feet, clutching Jevin’s leg tightly. “WHAT IS THIS?!” he shrieks.

“It’s just rain!” Jevin reassures him, gently stroking his wings. “Don’t worry, it’s just rain. Just water. It won’t hurt you.”

After a moment, Xelqua sticks out his hand and lets some raindrops fall on it. When it doesn’t hurt him, he carefully emerges from his shelter and hovers just above the ground, closing his eyes against the rain falling on his face. A smile appears on his face and he shoots upwards, his beating wings scattering raindrops everywhere.

Shielding his eyes from the rain, Jevin laughs as he watches Xelqua shoot up through the clouds and dive back down several times. It’s like watching a foal discover how to run for the first time.

“How’s it going out here?” asks Wels, emerging from the building. Immediately, he lifts his arms to shield his head from the rain. “Oh! It doesn’t rain often on this server.”

Jevin continues to gaze up at Xelqua far above him. “...Wels?”

“Yeah?”

“This kid really needs a better life.”

Wels nods. “He does. They all do. This is what Helsknight wanted: for the helsmits to have the same opportunities as us. The same expansive resource-rich world to explore, not the barren hellscape they’re forced to live in year after year. To be able to live and grow without worrying about being robbed or hurt or attacked or murdered by the world and people around them. They have so much potential that’s not being realised because they’re stuck in literal hell. I won’t rest until they’re all as free as Helsknight almost was.”

After a brief pause, he glances over at Jevin and finds his friend smiling at him. He chuckles. “What’s that look for?”

“I’ve never seen you this passionate before,” says Jevin softly. “It’s nice.”

“It IS nice,” Wels agrees. “I haven’t had a cause like this to fight for in a long time.”

Jevin pats his friend on the shoulder. “If you ever need help with Xelqua, lemme know.”

Wels glances at him in surprise. “You want to help with Xelqua?”

“Yeah, I really do.”

“Why?”

As Jevin starts to respond, Xelqua suddenly lands on the ground in front of them, soaking wet. “What are you two nattering about?” he demands. “Come fly up here with me!”

“We can’t fly when it’s raining this heavily, Xelqua,” responds Wels. “It’s too wet for our elytras to work properly.”

“Oh.” Xelqua rolls his eyes. “You guys are lame.”

Wels raises an eyebrow back. “Mhm.”

As Xelqua takes off again, Jevin says, “To answer your question Wels, I want to help because I can tell Xelqua has the potential to be a good kid. He’s got some problems I wanna help iron out.”

“Wow, I…” Wels smiles gratefully. “I’d love the help. Thank you.”

At that moment, Xelqua reappears through the rain and holds out a shovel to the two. “I stole this from a chest in that guy’s house over there,” he says proudly. “He didn’t see me.”

“That’d be Beef’s house,” Wels sighs.

As Wels reaches for the shovel, Xelqua sharply steps back, hugging the shovel protectively.

Wels shakes his head. “You don’t have to steal things here, Xelqua. We’ll help you get your own stuff.”

“Oh…” Xelqua reluctantly relinquishes his prize to Wels.

“Thank you,” says Wels gently. “Do you want your own shovel?”

After a moment, Xelqua nods.

Wels smiles, feeling strong paternal instincts towards the kid.

“Okay, let’s get you a shovel.”

[mannien]

Mornings in Sheffield Park | TH - PROLOGUE

The one with graduation, daisies and carnations, and a hopeless emotional addiction.

Word count: 3.1k

Warnings: some stress and anxiety here and there

Some feelings are addictive. It’s easy to get used to the way something tingles with excitement, warms up with passion, or stings with powerful adrenaline rush. People get comfortable with feelings known and desired and more often than not, they turn them into coping mechanisms. Whatever sticks their wobbly pieces together the longest, is the ultimate solution. Feelings don’t need to be entirely positive or with pure intentions behind them. As long as they cover up the shattered pieces, they stay. They may enhance some experiences, especially when someone decides to stick with something as simple as joy. But some make life more difficult than it seems; they mess up the timeline and allow people to feel so many wrong things before reaching the truth.

An array of emotions weaves through fresh university graduates. A sense of freedom and relief is somewhat clouded by fear or excitement. Someone has an internship lined up, their friends take a year to travel across Europe, a roommate has an apprenticeship at their next job. Others might take things slow and see what the future holds, while some students get prepared to have a fresh start. The overall unknown seems to be the underlying tone in the speeches during the graduation ceremony, but each person in polished shoes and with a rapid heartbeat subconsciously sticks to a feeling that makes them feel more at ease.

Students of each program are called on stage. Every little success along the way is cradled into slippery hats and fitted gowns with the university’s subtle emblem on the front. The audience is sitting on the large balcony above the graduates. People clap with appreciation at each young person walking across the wooden floor and shaking the chancellor’s hand. Some receive a more enthusiastic applause, sometimes even a roar of cheers. As the long queue of journalism graduates makes its way through the hall, the names are listed rapidly. Students walk as if they were a part of an assembly line, trying their best not to delay the process of the nerve-wracking hand-shaking and walking without tripping. The last are always graduates with exceptional results, so the crowds are encouraged to clap vigorously. And that’s what’s heard when the eyes of two women in the audience are focused on the proud figure walking on stage: the loudest cheers of the afternoon so far.

“Remind me, why aren’t we screaming for your boyfriend, and the whole department of journalism is?” A questioning voice surprised Millie so much that she jumped in her seat.

“I’m nervous, Thea. That’s why.”

She stated the obvious. Millie Beaver was the one to frantically fix the sleeves of her gown as a nervous tick. She got up early that morning, dreading the day full of polished festivities and exaggerated elegance requested upon a bunch of tired, educated enough people. The pride in successfully finishing her studies was yet to come; her body was rather keen on reacting dramatically to the large crowds of scholars, pupils and their families. The dread of participating in an unrehearsed event like this clouded her brain and made her focus solely on not loosing it. Though she wouldn’t dare admit it to the smiling man, who was just about to shake some hands on stage. The confidence he wore on his face was something she was used to seeing, even in the least favourable scenarios.

“I still don’t get it, how some people are born so talented that they don’t need to work their asses off to get somewhere,” she shrugged, making her tight black curls shake with her head, “I mean, the hours we spent on reading and researching…”

“I guess we’re just different.”

“Different? It’s not fair, that’s what it is. Patriarchy at its finest.”

The comment made Millie laugh and release some of the tension. Her eyes followed Franklin into the side corridor, where a little crowd of his friends formed a circle around him – the star of the department - before continuing into their seats. His cheerful stance made her bit her lip in excitement; for a moment, she tried to forget about whatever was said through the speakers. She genuinely wanted to be feel happy for him and his academic achievements. After all, she spent previous months on watching him get to the top of their classes almost effortlessly, as if he was born to be talked about by the teachers.

Millie felt her heart speed up at the thought that he might start searching for her for a little cheer, or even a tiny wave of support. But Frank sat down and continued to enjoy his fame, and Thea started to pull her up from the wooden chair.

“Come on, it’s our turn.”

She followed her friend and attempted to smooth out the heavy gown. Her light brown hair flowed as she walked, making her nervously fix it every now and then. She turned to the very end of the queue to find Jane, who wore a wide smile. They made eye contact and the blonde sent her a half-smile, knowing that they are almost through the tough part. It calmed Millie to know that she had her support system, not only up in the balcony, but also somewhere among the students of literary and media studies. At one point she feared that her nightmare of falling off the stage will become reality, but as a surprise to her and her close ones, clumsy Millie walked gracefully and with pride painted across her face.

Mission accomplished: she made it through college without falling.

The main floor of the event hall once again filled with students, their peers, and families. Loud chatter was heard across the building as people were celebrating the achievements of the year’s graduates. Some of the groups moved outside and took in the chilly London air. It smelled of rain and freedom, clouded with light grey pillows in the sky.

The three girls tried to make it through the crowds of chatting people in search for the perfect spot to take pictures together. Jane wore the highest heels of them all, so she was designated to lead them to the wall with the logo of the university. In a tight weave of pinkie fingers, they rushed through the hall just as they would through a college party. Millie felt dizzy from the sea of the same black gowns surrounding them from every angle. Some people waved at them, so she kept her smile wide and left Thea – with her one hand free – to the waving back duty. Their secure escape led them safely to the back wall on the side of the entrance, where some of the students usually found peace between classes and sat down on the floor, watching over the busy entrance to the building during the semester. The carpet remembered a lot of spilled coffees and teas in the wobbly little cups purchased from the cafeteria inside. Millie let out a breath of relief, seeing that only a couple of students found this spot perfect for keeping the memories.

“Hey, congrats! We’re graduates!” Jane welcomed the group that was finishing their poses in front of the wall.

Thea laughed with them, but desperately waved her hand in front of her reddening face to cool off.

“I hate your speed in heels. That was too fast!”

“Don’t worry, at least you don’t have to run to the Linguistics ever again.” Millie pulled her little bag from underneath the gown and looked for a sheet of paper with old notes. As long as Jane was busy chatting up other students, the other two tackled the makeshift air conditioning to prevent Thea’s makeup from running.

“Okay, are we ready for some iPhone memories?” The sound of a snapshot stopped Millie from frantically fanning their friend’s face.

“You sound ready. Do you have a tripod or a selfie stick, though? I want to have a picture with all of you.”

“We could still catch that group and ask someone to snap a few?”

“I’m not running anywhere, I’ve just fixed my face!” Thea puffed her cheeks and did a few more waves around them, certainly for an enhanced dramatic effect.

“Then don’t run anywhere, I’ll call my mom to come here, she’s probably out for a smoke anyway.”

“You really want to have your graduation pictures taken by your mom?” Thea and Millie chuckled at Jane’s resigned sigh. “Maybe Frank could come here? I trust his steady hands more.”

“He was supposed to go to the student’s office after the ceremony. Honours and stuff.” Millie pursed her lips.

“Right when we need him! What a boyfriend.”

“Jane!”

“Do you need a hand, girls?”

A sudden male voice stopped the rising argument and made the three of them look into the corridor. He welcomed them with a warm smile and soft wrinkles by his eyes. With a small bunch of colourful flowers, he stood out in casual, non-graduate clothes, yet with similar youthfulness to him.

“I’m not my brother but I can take a straight picture in focus.”

“What the fuck?” Millie covered her mouth in shock. Hesitantly, she took one step away from Jane and Thea, afraid of her next reaction. “What the actual fuck are you doing here?”

“I came to my friend’s graduation, fancy seeing you here.”

“I’m serious!” She raised her voice and made her way over to him, meeting his steps somewhere in the middle of the distance. He was smiling at her stupidly and she couldn’t stop herself from mirroring his reaction.

“I’m serious too, you made it! That’s so cool!” He opened his arms and invited her in, with a small encouragement of his waving hand.

One of the most addictive feelings are those of an utter comfort and safety. This teasing sparkle making your insides warm up and encouraging you to be a little more positive. That’s precisely what Millie felt when she was engulfed in a tight hug by her childhood best friend. Tom held her tightly across her back and swayed them side to side, earning a hearty laugh from the girl who was now, shining. She felt a sense of genuine relief once he squeezed her in reassurance; her brotherly figure showed up, so she was finally able to relax. Suddenly everything felt easy and perfect. All of the stress, fear of the unknown, anxiety about the grand event of the day, and the rest of damaging emotions slowed down their tempo in her veins, simply because she was home. Her smile swiftly changed into more prominent and definitely brighter by a shade or two. As he held her close, he could feel Millie’s warmth suddenly radiate through his body, making his eyes twinkle with joy because of this very girl.

“Congratulations, Minnie Mouse, I’m so proud of you,” he whispered next to her ear, cautious of what others may hear from their little exchange. She did not need any more nerves weighting her down, so he decided not to make a big scene – even though he definitely wanted to tease her worrying head and make sure she’s having a good time. “you’re all grown up now, so I got you flowers.”

“Oh, so otherwise you wouldn’t?” Millie shook his head, but accepted a small bouquet of carnations and daisies.

“Nah, I know you hate flowers.” He winked at her and put his arm around Millie’s arms, tucking her into his side a little too tightly.

“Absolutely. Thanks Tom, I’ll throw them out after the pictures.”

“Go ahead,” He tucked her in even more, making her squirm in discomfort. It was one of their things, to squeeze one another too tight. It made them feel connected as if they were siblings. They knew how sibling love worked, Tom having three younger brothers and Millie being the youngest of three sisters, but it was refreshing to have it a little spiced up. She let out a shy laugh and pushed him away before taking the delicate bunch from him. She lost the smell of his familiar perfume and took a breath. Once he extended his hand to Millie’s friends, he was back to his public confidence and charm. “Hey! Thea and Jane, right?”

They took an intimidating number of pictures; some of them good enough to share with people, other more fitting into a private photo album filled with silly, heart-warming memories. The group shared a lot of easy laughs together; Millie’s girlfriends eased into the lightly flowing chatter with Tom in no time. It made her sink into the bubble of comfort and light; she was smiling brightly when they reached the entrance to the building. Tom opened the glass door for all of them. A slightly chilly air hit Millie in her blushing cheeks and slowed down the pinky glow spreading across her cheekbones. Somewhere in the distance she noticed her parents lurking excitedly at the group and waving them over expectantly.

There was this heaviness slowing her down and taking up an excess of space in the back of her mind. As they were making their way across the university’s main square, Millie slowly turned her head to the side. She perked up at the sound of loud cheers and noticed a familiar group of students. Among them, there was Frank—laughing and hugging people from his department—and he definitely enjoyed being in the centre of attention. She was sure he didn’t even notice her walking by, but she didn’t want it to affect her as much as it was going to.

In turn, what she didn’t think of was the attention someone would give to her best friend: the smiling, cheerful young man, who was shamelessly chatting up Millie, Thea and Jane.

“Oh my God, is that Tom Holland?”

This simple question, raised somewhere from the group of journalism graduates, didn’t surprise Tom. However, it definitely rose the hairs on the back of Millie’s neck. Though he brushed it off and sent her a reassuring smile, Millie felt panic flowing through her veins. They both knew it could happen, but Tom seemed to be focused more on making her a priority, rather than fearing being recognized as the famous actor. He watched her reaction, now fully aware of her boyfriend emerging from the crowd and skipping towards them.

“Hey, I was trying to find you earlier,” he brushed his hand through his dark blonde hair and gave her a brief smile, before turning excitedly to Tom. “Hey man, I didn’t know you were coming!”

“We just went to…” she paused, seeing as he was already extending his hand towards her friend. “…take pictures.”

“The girls had a nice little photoshoot back inside.” Tom cut short his smile, raising the side of his mouth only to her. He accepted Frank’s handshake but didn’t allow it to turn into a bro-hug. It was fairly easy to read their body language; Franklin tried his best to seem friendly with his girlfriend’s celebrity friend, but the said celebrity was too kind to allow his cheekiness outshine Millie’s comfort zone. Jane and Thea turned their heads away at the sight of palms squeezing a little too tight for a friendly greeting. Frank’s friends and a couple other bystanders watched the exchange with prying eyes, and Millie let out a frustrated groan at the unnecessary tension.

“Cool, cool. Can I steal my girl for a moment?”

Frank didn’t wait for an answer, but rather just took her hand and pulled her to the side, hiding slightly behind the group of people. He fixed the tinsel attached to her hat and winked at her, giving her his full attention. He looked at her with his gleaming blue eyes and made her smile at the intimate moment.

“You good, sweetie?”

“Yeah, just fine.”

“Good. I’ll see you tonight, yeah?”

“Are your parents here? I haven’t seen them.” She looked around, trying to find his mom’s flowing blonde hair.

“They went to get the table at the restaurant nearby. Wanna join us?” He searched her face and leaned in closer, brushing his nose against hers. Millie laid her hand on his shoulder and allowed him into her little space.

“Why are you asking me to choose between our parents?” She chuckled, but patiently waited for his reaction. “Could we all spend time together, at least once?”

“I told you, it’s not a good idea,” Frank brushed his lips against Millie’s, slowly easing her into him and making her return the kiss. “you can ask Tom to come to the party tonight, it’ll be fun.”

“No promises.”

They shared a few more kisses that left Millie breathless - Franklin wasn’t usually the one to publicly show his affection, so she craved anything he willing to give her. She smiled up at him and let him go, happy that he took the minute to catch up with her.

With one last wave of his hand, Frank joined his party. Although he was instantly pulled into celebratory pictures, he couldn’t help but watch Millie walk away; she joined Jane and Thea in a heart-warming group hug. She was just sweet like this: sticking to her people, making sure everyone’s happy, and embracing all the kindness in the simplest actions. Franklin smiled to himself at the sound of her cheerful laugh and turned back to his friends, but then he noticed the source of her laugh. Her and Tom did a barely-there joyful dance, raising their hands and curtseying to her parents. Alfred, her dad, patted him on the back and shook his hand vigorously, while Millie was being squeezed by her mom.

People from Frank’s department praised him for having any kind of relationship with Tom Holland. Frank watched Tom’s joyous exchange with his girlfriend. Tom was proudly paying attention to his best friend, and Millie’s cheeks were hurting from the smiles. She was content and felt at ease. She was sure that her heart was filled to the brim with love and comfort.

Yes, being addicted to feelings is difficult. It holds people hostage in the arms of the sole premise of positive emotional experiences. It’s also blinding for the addicts, making the loss of certain feelings hurt more than it should. Addiction feeds off the weak, the confused, and the uncertain. It eats them up alive and strives to receive more and more satisfaction. It allows for the illusion of reality, so that the addicts can project certain feelings onto their consciousness. They live in their bubbles of unruly contentment and often forget to look into their souls and perform a regular check-up.

Millie was an addict.

***

Please let me know what you think!

tagged: @peeterparkr @katieraven @kozybear @sunsetholland @hey-marlie @lauras-collection @cunaeparker @constellationsv @heyhihellowhatsup0

[reddeadreference]

Blog Progress Update (Travel Blog Style #18)

I’m working on filling up the queue, which is why right now it posts once a day at noon my time until I can get a lot more in there then I’m thinking maybe 5 a day? (lemme know what you think is a good number. I’m gonna get at least 50 posts in the queue before starting the bigger number I’m at 15 now.)

I am up to date with the audio clips, so now I’m adding as they’re added now until they’re all up.

Working my way through the story so I can soon free roam without worry (though honestly I’ve spent days in Lemoyne where I’m wanted and have had no Pinkertons or law show up…)

My main focus will be completing mission posts and Lemoyne. (Starting Scarlett Meadows, Bayou Nwa, then Bluewater Marsh.) If there’s a place you want me to focus on after that just let me know.

Doing one of my favorite missions Goodbye, Dear Friend. I love that lil wave Arthur gives from the roof. 

“Arthur, here’s a ladder.”

Yeah thanks buddy I’ll take the stairs…

I know it’s just a fictional villain… but the satisfaction of seeing Colm realize he’s not getting out of this one… This is for Kieran you fuck… (I mean and Jake Adler, and Annabelle of coure.)

FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT MARY’S LETTER FUCK

Okay going to the reservation and I’m getting all those photos out of the way

Greeted Javier

“Won’t even sit next to me no more?” (wasn’t said in a questioning way but the captions had a “?” … like BRUH I just walked over, gimme a chance. “You just worry about that cough” Javi pls…

*Arthur sits*

“Some mess this is”

“yUP.”

*4 seconds later Javier gets up*

DUDE

Ya know.. I never really cared for Trelawny when I first played this, but the guy’s grown on me and it hurts to see his goodbye with Arthur because he knows he won’t see him again (Trelawny knows he won’t see Arthur I mean). 

“I’ll be back.”

“No you won’t. Let’s not pretend no more.” Arthur pls…

Music as you escape with Charles and Monroe is very good fleeing music. (There’s a lot of soundtrack music I need to add to playlists)

“I’m afraid.”    *inhuman noises* T_T

Okay only chapter 6 missions I have left are the bridge and everything after the EF one where we knock down trees.

So APPARENTLY at some point they added a 6 gold bar treasure hunt. I’m going through the maps, got to the turtle… looked at it… and shouted “CHELONIA” while pointing at my screen but no… it’s the mysterious hill home (Hobbit home) because that drawing is on the top of it... does that mean that’s a Chelonia thing? Anyway John’s gonna have 7 gold bars.

I also never mentioned I like the addition of seeing NPCs out in the world like napping or reading by a tree with their horse nearby and the ones at camps that let you sit with them and tell you about stuff..

So I barely touched the exotics quest and I need to because I need the cutscene screenshots with ARTHUR first. Anyway Arthur been wandering the swamps of Lemoyne wary of nite folk, he met the Soothsayer that he totally forgot existed. 

These birds are a pain in the ass.. And not just because it’s terrifying whenever the screen starts shaking cause there’s a fucking gator nearby even when it’s a little one that won’t kill me. If you shoot a bird and it lands out in the water be prepared for terrifying gator munching sounds that make you think you’re about to die. (though now I’m using the save and load method. So I’m getting there…)

I had a bunch of photos for multiple places and I KNOW I didn’t delete them and I remember putting them in the folders with their labels… but now they’re all gone… *inhale* FU-

I’ll probably be able to finish chapter 6 once I finish the exotics quest… cause I’m pretty sure that’s the only non-story thing I have left to do that Arthur CAN do (though i do need to find 3 more william encounters...). So far I got a fuck ton of Heron plumes which is good cause I’ll need 20 but not enough spoonbill which is bad cause I’ll need 30 and I need 2 more of each of the other plumes… ugh

I’m also trying to get any places I KNOW will look different in the epilogue cause I want two posts for those.

[yo-im-a-bisexual]

This is my first time writing and i'm definitely no writer. English isn't even my first language. It is kinda long but I swear it's going somewhere. I just really love them and this will only work untill we get a new kieutou clip so whatever. Hope you enjoy. And I'm sorry if it sucks. constructive criticism is always okay but I will probably not take it into account because I am already depressed. Enjoy!!

Basically what I wish happened today for kieu my.

'but we'll definitely see each other when you come back?' 14:31

Kieu my stared at fatou's text notification on her phone, not knowing what to answer.

She still didn't know how to feel about their interaction on Tuesday, it all happened so fast and the last thing she wanted was to fight with her girlfriend.

At the time, leaving seemed like the best solution and Kieu my had every right to feel conflicted about what fatou said.

"you're the only thing distracting me from everything else at the moment"

The words resonate in her head. It hurt. Kieu my couldn't hide that those words are the ones that kept her up that night. And obviously, also the crazy situation they were in right now.

"Kieu my?" The words broke her out of her trance and she looked up from her phone to see Zoe looking at her with a worried look on her face.

"Are you okay? You've been checking your phone every five minutes since we got here" Zoe added getting closer to her

"yeah, I'm fine. I'm just... Forget it." She answered her best friend. "We're gonna lose the guys if we don't keep up" she said looking straight ahead.

Zoe didn't push her and just agreed. Kieu my put her phone back in her pocket. They jogged a little to catch up with their friends and they just kept walking.

She looked at the small group and laughed dryly to herself, which earned her a weird look from Constantin. Somehow her tall dumb friend got himself all the way to fricking Brandenburg and couldn't remember how. When Ismail told her about a 'Consti-emergency' she figured they would have to go get him from a ditch somewhere, she just would have never guessed it was from the countryside, one (1) and a half hour away from Berlin.

On the way there Ismail had told them that Constantin had called them completely trashed asking for help.

Kieu my really hasn't been keeping up with what's been happening in her friends lives. She felt bad. But at the same time, how could she? She's had so much to deal with between her parents and the shop and school and... Fatou. There she goes again. Even when she tries to be mad at her she just can't keep the skater out of her head. She reaches for her phone in her pocket when she hears a commotion ahead.

When she looks up she sees Contantin throwing up in a bush. She looks away not wanting to throw up herself.

"You guys go and head back i'll take care of... This" she hears Ismail say and when she turns back around she sees them patting the blonde's back

"are you sure?" Finn asks them and when they only nod their head 'yes' he looks at Zoe.

"yeah... okay let's go then" Zoe finally says after a minute of staring at the ground. "Text us if you need anything and when he... Calms down." She adds with a tight lipped smile. Zoe grabs her boyfriend's hand and her Best friend's arm and they start walking away.

"well that was... Unexpected?" Kieu my says after a few minutes of silence.

"yeah/yeah" both Finn and Zoe answer at the same time. "I'll text my brother and tell him we're coming back" Finn adds.

They got lucky this time around. Last time, they had to drive an hour to go get Constantin and drive back to Berlin in the middle of the night. But luckily Finn's brother somehow lived in Brandenburg so they didn't have to drive all the way back. When they got there and found the passed out boy they decided they all needed a break.

After about a twenty (20) minute walk and a small bus ride they finally got to the small house. It was cozy. Kieu my really couldn't complain. She got to share a room with her best friend while the boys would have to try and fit on the couch in the living room. Although she's pretty sure she's gonna sleep alone because Finn somehow managed to find another bed in what seemed to be the attic and with some good arguments managed to convince Zoe to sleep with him in there. But she's also pretty sure she won't be able to sleep anyway.

Like every winter day, night falls pretty fast. It's past 8 p.m and they already ate. Constantin is passed out on the couch and the others are talking about all sorts of things in the kitchen. Kieu my takes it as her queue to go to her room.

"I'm gonna get some rest. I need my beauty sleep" she tells them. They all say goodnight and she's left walking to her room alone.

It's only ten (10) minutes later when someone knocks at her door. "Can I come in kieu?" It's Zoe.

"yes, please"

"so are you ready to tell me what happened with Fatou or not?" Zoe asks nonchalantly.

"how did you even-" she gets cut off

"Come on Kieu, you're my best friend... and I saw the dozen texts she left on your phone" Zoe drags out

Kieu my falls on her bed and zoe sits next to her playing with her best friend's hair.

"I feel like I messed up... Like somehow I did something wrong and now she's pulling away from me" she starts and even before Zoe can say anything she continues. "But I just wanted to help her and she..."

"she what?"

"she said I was a distraction. And that I should leave her alone and she just got angry at me and I didn't want to fight with her so I... Left. Oh my god, I shouldn't have left right? Now she's gonna think I was there only for school stuff. She probably needed me and I left... Am I a terrible person Zoe?" She let out in barely one breath.

"See now you're spiraling. Take a breath, okay? No you are not a bad person. You were just upset and Fatou probably was too but those kinda things happen in a relationship. Me and Finn argue all the time and most of the time it's because one of us misunderstood something the other did or said" Zoe reassured her

Kieu my took a few deep breaths and sat up in the bed. She started playing With her fingers like she always does when she's feeling things.

"I guess I'm just scared that right now she's into me because I'm a good enough distraction but the moment she doesn't need me anymore... She'll just move on to someone more experienced or more interesting." The words leave her mouth with shaky breaths. Kieu my's eyes start shining but she blinks a couple time to keep the tears away.

"oh Kieu, you are such an idiot sometimes" the blonde laughs while kieu my looks at her dumbfounded. "Fatou is not like that. Nora once told me that one time, when the girls had a sleepover Fatou couldn't stop talking about you for the entire afternoon, so much so that when she fell asleep she was still saying your name" she continues. Kieu my blushes at the statement, thankful that the light is dim enough for her friend not to notice. Before Kieu my can say anything her very talkative friend continues. "She's smitten, Kieu. Maybe she just as some stuff going on. I mean don't we all" she adds wich earns a small laugh from her friend

Before they can continue their conversation someone knocks at the door and comes in without waiting for an answer. It's Finn, with a big smile on his face.

"hey girls!" He says way too excitedly. "I was wondering if Zoe.." he says looking at his girlfriend. "..Would like to come join me in our fine chambers?"

Zoe looks at her friend who is smiling at her. "Duty calls. Sorry. But if you wanna keep talking-" Kieu my cuts her off.

"Go, don't worry I'm fine. Thanks for the talk"

Zoe smiles one last time before running out of the room hand in hand with Finn.

Kieu my lays back down and closes her eyes. She can't help but think about Fatou. How does she manage to always be on her mind, it's unrealistic. She thinks about their date at the museum. Their date. She smiles to herself and covers her face with her arm to hide it. She thinks about how she nerded out to her and she just answered with something as nerdy. About how at that moment she kissed. About how well their lips fit together. About how happy she was that day. Maybe Zoe was right maybe she was spiraling.

Her phone rang and snapped her out of her thoughts. She looked at it for the first time since they got back. She gasps

It's Fatou. Of course it's Fatou, she probably thinks she ghosted her again. The moment she picks it up it stops ringing. Kieu my hesitates but puts it back down. She gets a text and as fast as she put it down she picks it back up. It's a text from Fatou. She also notices she's got some texts from her mom and a missed call from Ismail.

'hey, I just saw on your Insta you're doing a 'social media cleanse', sorry for calling you it's probably against that whole thing' -21:37

Right, Kieu my thinks, the social media cleanse.. that was Zoe's idea honestly. Another text.

'you looked really good in those pictures tho, real 'twilight' vibes🧛 -21:38

Kieu my smiles at her phone and starts to write an answer when she remembers that they haven't actually resolved their issue. And yes Fatou apologized but Kieu my expects something better than a text. On another hand she did tell her girlfriend to call her when she calmed down.

'can I call you again' -21:40 'please?' -21:40

Her phone rang again but this time she picked it up and answered. She waits a few seconds.

"hey.." she hears her girlfriend's tired voice from the other end

"hi." She says back, trying to keep her composure even behind the phone.

"how are you? I saw your posts and got worried"

"I'm.. fine, it was all pretty last minute" she answers

"Oh okay, It's good to hear your voice"

There's a silence, it's not awkward, somehow it's sad.

"Fatou?"

"yes"

"are you..." She begins but can't find the strength to finish.

"i'm not" she hears more than sees the sad smile. "I got fired"

"what- Why? When?" Kieu my asks

"Saturday. I messed up a bunch of times. Was late even. I don't know..." Fatou sounds so defeated

"I'm sorry. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know.. it's not your fault"

"Fatou. I just want you to know that I didn't come to your place just for school stuff. I wanted- I want to help you and I just feel so helpless because you can see right through me and I can't seem to understand any of your problems. I'm sorry." Kieu my starts rambling but gets cut off by Fatou laughing dryly.

"Are you serious? I was the asshole and you feel bad. I'm the one that should be sorry and I am. I am sorry. I don't have an excuse I shouldn't have snapped at you like that" Fatou says and Kieu my thinks that they don't have the same definition of snapped.

"Look, I don't like this, you being mad at me and us not talking so if you just give me a chance to really explain myself I would really like it if you would come and meet me when you get back" the skater girl continues

"yeah, I would also like that" she says with a small smile

"oh okay.. great.. well would you be up for a date at a ping-pong table bar then?"

"definitely"

"great, okay then I guess I'll just leave you to your cleansing"

Kieu my laughs

"goodnight Kieu my"

A pause

"goodnight Fatou"

She hangs up.

Kieu my knows that their conversation isn't over but for now she'll take it. For now it's good.

"was that Fatou?" A voice startles her from the doorway. It's Ismail.

"Shit- you scared me." She paused "Yes it was Fatou"

"Great cause I couldn't handle your sad moping face anymore. What'd you guys talk about?" They ask

She ignores his question. "I do not have a moping face." She says with a hurt look across her face. They look at her.

"Was it that obvious?" She asks with a frown

"Yes! Babe come on even Consti could have noticed if he wasn't puking his soul in the bushes" Ismail says dramatically. "Now come on give me the details. I need to know everything that is happening between my bestie and the mother of my tortoise" they sit next to Kieu my.

"you're so dramatic" she laughs. "Relax, we had a... Quarrel on Tuesday and she apologized and asked if we could meet up to talk about it" she tell them

"a quarrel? Okay m'lady... About?"

"some stupid school stuff" she lied.

"well you're a terrible liar because I overheard that entire phone call so what's up inside that little head of yours"

"Ismail, boundaries, please"

"oh please I've seen you at your lowest miss vu. There's literally nothing you can hide from me now."

She hesitates but starts talking anyway. "You know how I told you about me officially 'meeting' her friends last week" they nodded. "Well when she got there she was visibly upset and I didn't know why and then she got a text and got even more upset and now she just told me she got fired." She takes a breath. "And I just feel bad because those are all things I'm supposed to know about my girlfriend you know? Except she doesn't talk to me about that stuff and I don't know how to get her to open up.." she finishes breathless.

"you poor disaster" Ismail smiles and shakes their head. "You ask her" she's about to cut him off but they put their finger in front of her. "You find the right way to ask her. Love language Kieu my... Love language." They stand up and put their hand up like a shakespearean poet and goes on. "Give her time to open up, this is Fatou Jallow we're talking about. And remember communication is key." They finish, winking and walking backwards to the door and closing it behind them.

Kieu my was about to laugh at her friend's theatrics when the door opens up again and Ismail walks back in.

"no, but I just wanted to ask if I could sleep here cause Constantin has taken the whole couch and he smells like a dead body so...?"

The both of them laugh and Ismail slides next to Kieu my in the bed. "I'm gonna take that as a yes" they say.

"sleep well, ice queen" they mumble already falling asleep

"shut up" she smiles.

That night she dreamt about her girlfriend. She remembers all those weeks ago when her friend sleeping next to her asked her how the dreamy skater girl made her feel. At the time she hadn't known how to put her feelings into words. At that time her girlfriend was just a silly crush. Except Kieu my vu never got silly crushes. But she had instantly known Fatou was different. She was different then and she's different now. And with that thought she drifted into a peaceful sleep. Her insecurities forgotten for the night. She should have never worried about any of this in the first place. Soon she's gonna see the girl she loves again and everything will be alr-

*record scratch*

She woke up with a gasp.

"I love her"

She panted

"congrats, you're the last one to know" she heard Ismail mumble in their pillow.

She smiled to herself, feeling dumb for realising this just now. Looking at her phone she saw 5 a.m. deciding she deserved a little bit more sleep she closed her eyes and with a content sigh drifted back to sleep.

"when I get back we'll definitely see each other" she thought

Okay so I'm too lazy to read this and check for any mistakes so if there are any point them out and i'll fix it. Hope you enjoyed and if you took the time to actually read all this thank you I appreciate. Should I make a part 2? Or Fatou's pov maybe?

Update: the response as been amazing. Like I'm actually shocked by how nice some people can be. Thank you so much.

Re-update: I had my exams this week and am really fucking exhausted and i'm just gonna wait and see what happens tonight. If it's a sad clip i'm probably gonna write the version I would've wanted to happen but i guess we'll see. Sorryyy

[vgilantee]

The Manager || Platonic! Sunset Curve x Reader

Requested by anon

Word Count: 3.1k

A/N: the guys swear because nobody can tell me that a bunch of 17 year olds in a rock band in the 90’s didn’t swear. I know i said fluff but i had an angst idea and it was too good not to add (i’m sorry). and while i don’t bother with adjusting to the american spelling most of the time, I did for ‘mom’ and ‘flavor’ and i hated it every time i typed it. final note: if i were to do more parts it would become a series rewrite, so if that’s something that interests you, let me know!

Warnings: character death, unhappy home life (no details)

While being the manager for Sunset Curve often felt closer to being a parent sometimes, it’s not a job you would trade for the world. Well, less a job because you weren’t really getting paid, but it was a good gig. You got to see some awesome venues and other small musicians, you quite often got free food from venues, and of course, got to hang out with your favourite boys. They gave you a place in the world, somewhere where you felt at home. They were family. Plus, Luke had graciously allowed you to crash in the studio with him when things got bad at home. 

You swing the door open, duffle bag over your shoulder, and march into the studio. It’s late, again, but your parents had started going off while you were trying to study and your father had mentioned your name, so you grabbed the emergency bag and climbed out the window. Luke looks up from his page and watches as you drop the bag on the ground and flop face down on the sofa. 

“Again?” You hum and nod into the pillow before flipping onto your back. 

“Dad said my name and mentioned something about grades and the band and I left before they could drag me into it further.” You glance over to see he has closed his journal and is resting his forearms on the acoustic in his lap. 

“Smart move.” You laugh and shift again to lay on your side. “The guys are in the house getting food by the way.” As if on queue, Reggie walks in with a stack of pizza boxes, Bobby has his arms full of bags of various snacks, and Alex is carrying an open cooler full of bottles of soda. 

“Oh hey, Y/N!” Alex raises the fingers on one hand in a wave before putting the cooler on the ground in front of the sofa. 

“Parents again?” Bobby gives you a sympathetic look before dropping the bags next to the pizza boxes Reggie had put on the coffee table. 

“Yep!” You pop the ‘p’ sound with false enthusiasm.

“You may as well just move in at this point.” Luke says it like a joke, but it’s been a joke for so long that you all know he says it seriously.

“You know what?” You sit up quickly and give a short nod. “My parents both have work tomorrow, you lot are gonna help me grab what I need.” It was that simple. The boys all make varying statements of agreement before sitting on the miscellaneous chairs around the coffee table. 

--

Luke had suggested you all dress in black for the heisting of your belongings, and as Alex was the only voice of reason, you all ended up head-to-toe in black. 

“Shh.” Luke whips around and presses a finger to his lips when you swing the door shut behind the group.

“There is literally nobody home Luke. And also this is my house. We don’t need to be quiet.” You gesture around the entrance with your hands as you speak, and Luke turns around and pulls the black beanie he insisted you wear, down over your eyes. You swat him away and he shushes Reggie as he laughs at you.

“It’s a heist! You gotta be quiet.” You roll your eyes after putting the beaning back in place on your head, before walking towards the staircase. “Everyone remember the plan?” Turning around you fold your arms and roll your eyes again. 

“School stuff.” Bobby salutes Luke, who nods. 

“Blankets and pillows!” Reggie copies Bobby’s salute, and is also nodded at. Alex rolls his eyes, and with far less enthusiasm holds his hand in a salute.

“Stuffing and zipping up bags.” Luke nods once more then turns to you with an expectant look. 

“Toiletries and underwear.” He taps his foot and clears his throat dramatically, staring at you, waiting. “Oh, right.” You salute him as well.

“And I’m on clothes!” You hear the noise of his hand hitting his forehead as he salutes with a bit too much force. “And if we hear the ‘rents, we move to Y/N’s room as quietly as possible, where we will finish packing what we have and bail out the window. Let’s move out!” You aren’t sure if he expected you all to go separate ways, but you move as a group up the stairs and into your room so that everyone can collect bags. Bobby takes your school bag, Reggie a duffle bag, and Luke and Alex reef a suitcase out from the top of your wardrobe. You swing a drawstring bag over your shoulder as you watch Luke nearly drop the suitcase on Alex, who promptly swears at him. 

With a final salute, you all part ways. You hear Bobby thundering down the stairs as you walk over to the bathroom, rolling our eyes at him. Grabbing your toiletries, including spare deodorants and toothpastes, before moving back into your bedroom where your drawers have been pulled open and clothes are being tossed onto the bed by Luke. You can only watch in horror and amazement as your clothes are thrown out of the drawers, and Alex folds them at an incredible speed. You want to ask him how he is folding them so quickly, but you don’t want to break his concentration. Instead you move to the unopened drawer and collect all your underwear, shoving it into the bag in your hands on top of the items already in the bag. You grab your hairbrush, adding it to the bag, before pulling the strings on the bag and closing it. 

“Need a hand, Alex?” He looks up after placing a folded shirt neatly in the suitcase. He opens his mouth to respond but instead snorts as you are hit in the head with a pair of jeans.

“Shit, sorry!” You pull the jeans from over your shoulder and glare at Luke, who has his hands covering his mouth.

“Screw you.” You flip him off, then fold the jeans and place them in the suitcase. 

The three of you managed to empty all your drawers and were in the process of sorting out what heavier jackets to take from your closet when you hear a door close, followed by thundering feet. The door is swung open and Bobby leans against the doorframe. 

“Mother.” Is all he manages to get out before Reggie tries to push past him and they both tumble into your room, making a thump as they land. 

“Shhh!” You and Luke push your index fingers to your lips, shushing the guys at the same time, but it’s too late.

“Y/N?” You all freeze as your mom calls out for you. You turn to the guys, left index finger still pushed to your mouth, as you point to the window with quick and sharp motions. They all nod and collect the bags and suitcases (a second was grabbed at some point in their packing) and move to the window. You don’t want your mom to know you are home to avoid whatever argument will undoubtedly occur, hence the attempt at silence, but when Reggie drops the suitcase he’s carrying with a echoing thud, you realise that won’t be possible.

“Shit. I’ll meet you at the car. Go!” You whisper harshly at the guys as he raises his hand to apologise and you leave your room, shutting the door behind you to hopefully muffle any more noises they make and buy them some more time. “Yeah mom?” Your mom waits at the bottom of the stairs, arms folded, as you make your way down. “What’s up?” You try to mask your anxiety about the whole situation by leaning against the railing.

“Don’t ‘what’s up’ me. You disappeared last night, and while I know you were at the studio with the band, you could have at least called to let me know that you were okay. Because really I didn’t know for sure because you didn’t call! You could have even called me this morning to say you were coming home. I had no way of knowing if you were safe, or, or, or if something had happened. I didn’t know!” 

“Mom-” You try to say something to calm her down but she interrupts, clearly not finished with her lecture.

“And you’re letting your grades slip! Running around with those stupid boys in that stupid band. You say you’re their manager, but it’s not a job and it’s definitely not a career! You need to pay more attention to class instead of going to clubs and venues with them. Which isn’t safe! Running around Hollywood with those four idiots in the middle of the night, sometimes not even coming home. There are all kinds of dangerous people out there and with no adult supervision anything could happen!” 

“Mom!”

“No. Your father isn’t right about a lot of things but he’s definitely right about not letting you see them again. Being friends with them is dangerous, not because they are, but because none of you have any common sense or self preservation!” 

“Mom, enough.” You rarely stood up to her, and you had never scolded her before, but calling the only four people that truly felt like family ‘idiots’ was the last straw. “I know it isn’t a job, but they are my best friends, and I enjoy going to those venues! I know it could be dangerous but the five of us are always together. My grades haven’t slipped, except maybe a couple of classes by one or two percent. But it’s not going to ruin me. And-”  The door slams shut and you look up quickly from your mother to see your father in the door. 

“Y/N.” Your father speaks very even and monotone, and his moves are all calculated. But his hands are clenched and his eyebrows are furrowed.

“Hi dad.” It was overly formal, and your brain screams at you to run, run from this conversation. But you can’t. You need to make sure the guys are as far away as possible, hopefully even at the car. You don’t think your father would track them down to stop you, but you don’t want to tell your parents you are leaving, and really you weren’t actually sure he wouldn’t track them down and drag you home. “How was work?” Poking the bear was very stupid.

“You disappeared last night, didn’t bother to leave a note or anything and scared the shit out of your mother!” You flinch slightly as he raises his voice. “You won’t be seeing that ridiculous band ever again, I can promise you that.” You glance at the clock and quickly decide that the guys have had enough time to get to Bobby’s car parked in the next street over. So you nod along in faux understanding. “You’re grounded, and you will spend the rest of the night until dinner studying.” You scoff and try to act pissed off, storming back up the stairs. To add to the act, you slam the door shut behind you, before grabbing a hoodie and climbing out the window.

You sneak around the house, watching your parents carefully as they move to the living room. They seem to be arguing again, almost certainly about you. You hop the fence into the neighbours yard then book it down the street to the waiting car. The engine is going and the second Reggie sees you, the windows are rolled down and they are yelling at you to hurry up, Bobby leaning over to open the passenger-side door. You laugh as you dive into the passenger seat. The door is barely shut when Bobby revs the engine and you drive away, a rock song from a mixtape you had made Bobby for his birthday playing loudly through the speaker and the five of you singing along and laughing. 

--

“Boys I have excellent news!” Wrong notes are played and a drumstick is dropped as you fling open the door with a piece of paper in your hand. 

“Christ, Y/N.” Bobby places a hand to his heart as Alex leans down to pick back up his drumstick.

“What’s the news?” Luke places his guitar on a stand and slides over to you. 

“Sit sit!” You gesture your boys towards the sofa on the opposite wall. “I won’t just tell you, there’s no fun in that!” They groan but comply, squashing together on the sofa, Alex with his legs over Luke’s, Reggie sitting cross-legged with his feet under him, and Bobby putting his feet up on the coffee table. 

“Well?” Luke leans forward over Alex’s feet and rests his elbows on his knees. 

“As you know I have been going around to potential venues to get you guys a show that isn’t in a bar that perpetually smells like puke, while you are playing your puke-scented shows and writing new hits.”

“Yeah.” They all reply at the same time and your smile grows.

“And I am also the best manager in the world, especially because of the fact that I am your manager.”

“Yeah yeah. Just tell us.”

“Bobby, quiet. I am building suspense.” Reggie swats his arm as if to say ‘yeah Bobby’. “Anyway. You also know that you are all incredibly talented and you will become the biggest band every.” The guys are all leaning forward and staring at you, waiting for you to finally tell them what news you’ve bought. “Alex, drumroll.” He immediately complies with an enthusiastic drumroll on Luke’s back. “You’re playing the Orpheum!” You throw your hands up as the guys all jump up and celebrate. “Are you serious?” Bobby grabs the piece of paper with the show contract as Reggie picks himself up off the floor after tripping over his feet trying to stand. 

“How did you do that?” Luke is jumping on the sofa and Alex is shaking you by the shoulders. 

“I’m just that good.” You manage so say through the laughing and shaking. 

--

“Size beautiful.” You roll your eyes as Alex groans and Reggie hands the poor bartender the shirt and demo. 

“Thanks.” She laughs as she holds up the Sunset Curve shirt before tossing it over her shoulder.

“I am so sorry about him.” You say genuinely to her, stood between Reggie and Luke.

“No worries. I’ll make sure not to wipe the table down with this one.” She offers them all a polite smile that you can tell is a forced customer service smile.

“Oh, good call. Whenever they get wet, they just kinda fall apart in your hands.” Alex gestures with his hands and you hear Bobby sigh.

“Don’t you guys have to go get hotdogs?” Oh? You realise that Bobby very likely wants to flirt with Bartender Rose and is trying to get rid of you all, finding his bandmates embarrassing sometimes. Luke pushes him back and nudges you with his shoulder as he leans over the bar, giving it a quick drum with his hands.

“Yeah, he had a hamburger for lunch.” He bounces then walks away, and Reggie shoves his shoulder.

“See you before the show.” You elbow him as you follow after Luke and Reg, and Alex bounces to catch up to you.

--

You eye the hotdog as it is handed over to you. You trust the guys but you don’t trust this hotdog ‘vender’ who is the sauce bottle sitting in his engine. You watch as Alex tells him that he spilt pickle juice into the car as you add sauces and toppings to your own. The vender says that it will help and laughs as Alex sputters, looking at you mumbling about how that doesn’t sound right. 

--

“That’s a new flavor.” You nod, continuing to chew as Alex says what you are thinking through a mouth full of hotdog.

“Relax,” Reggie looks over at him, “street dogs haven’t killed us yet.” The logic is sound enough so you all take another bite. 

-- 

You stomach hurt, god it hurt. It was like being punched in the gut over and over again, and your stomach was turning, and with every breath in your sides hurt. You could hear Reggie and Alex groaning over your own noises, but you couldn’t hear Luke anymore. You felt the tears rolling down the sides of your face but you couldn’t move your hands away from your stomach. You barely heard the paramedics arrive over the sound of the blood rushing through your ears, and while you could hear them talking you couldn’t decipher words. 

You let out a sob as a paramedic leans over you. You barely register being lifted onto an ambulance bed, but you turn your head and watch as Alex is lifted into one. As they wheel you out you see a black bag being zipped up. 

You feel light headed as they lift you into the ambulance and you hear Reggie gulp in a breath, before the paramedics swarm over to him. Alex is wheeled in next to you and you see his hand reach out to you. You forcefully peel your hand away from your stomach and hold his hand. You squeeze your eyes shut and hear the paramedic sigh, defeated. You let out a groan, then a sob, and squeeze Alex’s hand as you struggle to breathe. He lets out a pained noise and squeezes your hand back.

Then it’s all gone, and your body is rising. You turn to Alex and see your body, and Reggie’s body, with a version of him floating above his body. You stare at him wide-eyed but he looks past you at Alex. You both watch as the paramedics give up on you and move over to Alex as the heart rate monitor gives a solid high beep. And then he’s rising and looking at you and Reggie. The three of you rise above the ambulance and you hear Alex whisper Luke’s name, looking above just you. You catch sight of him for a second before he disappears. The second he does you feel the pulling that was simply causing you to slowly float up, gave a harsh tug and you were suddenly in a black room. 

Alex cried when he arrived, and you felt yourself panic. You were dead. You just died. You and three of your best friends had just died. Reggie was pacing and Luke had just sat on the ground, head in hands. Your own hands were shaking and you couldn’t look at one spot or person for longer than a second. 

The pulling feeling returns after a while and you are falling, the four of you screaming before landing on a carpet, a girl around your age screaming back at you.

---

Taglist: @parkeret​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @amazing-socks​ (if you want to be added to a tag list, send in an ask!)

[neproxrezi]

Are you participating in the proposed dbd boycott to get them to do a game health update?

yeah, i wasn't sure at first caus "dont play the video game for a brief period" isn't going to work but "this company has put all its eggs in one basket and they are frankly quite neglectful of said basket, everyone stop buying anything ingame for 3 months" has me interested

more than 'fix the bugs' or anything else like that what i want to see out of the game is them being less god damn stingy with cosmetics (you should not have to pay $10 for ONE FUCKING COSMETIC) and addressing the grind. holy shit the grind in this game is so rough and it could be fixed fairly simply (i'm in favour of removing perk tiers, to cut a long post short)

hold on im gonna complain about dbd under a cut caus itll get long, i love this game so much but oh boy it has issues

it's been said a million times already but dbd's grind made more sense when there were like 4 or 5 characters per side, there are now over 20 and each new one introduces 3 perks to each side

I want to write about the grind in this game for a moment. There are 95 survivor perks in DBD. Every perk has three tiers. Some of them are great, and many are kind of pointless. Realistically, I'd bet you're only going to see about 15 of those perks in action in most of your games. However, if you unlock a perk to be taught to other survivors (which I tend to do even if I don't particularly want it, out of a mix of completionism and a 'may as well get it out of the way' kind of thing), you can't get rid of it. It's in your bloodwebs forever. 95 perks. 285 perk tiers. Let's talk about how long that takes to claim.

You buy a new character in the next chapter. You have every teachable perk unlocked. The new chapter really excited you, and you want to claim every perk on the new character (who I am going to name... Doug), so you saved a lot of bloodpoints in advance. In fact, you played for days and days and saved the cap, which is a million bloodpoints. You buy Doug, after much excited testing him out in the PTB. You spend all million points on Doug. Doug is now about level 35 to 40, out of 50. Hm. Well, time to keep playing. The bloodwebs kind of gave you a bunch of crap stuff on Doug, and you don't feel like running Power Struggle, Ace in the Hole, Babysitter and Breakdown, so you can't play Doug yet. You go play someone else.

Solo queuing as survivor is a mixed bag, and your games range from getting 10,000 bloodpoints (pretty rough game where everyone got wiped) to 27,000 (a great match, maybe with a bloodpoint offering). You save enough to get Doug to level 50. In the later levels, you start being able to get two perks a level instead of one. Let's say from level 1 to 50, you collect a total of 65 perks, because I don't remember exactly when it starts offering 2 per level. Okay, there are 220 perk levels left. Because of the game's propensity for giving you the same perk over and over to get you lots of perks at level 2 out of 3, of those 65 perk tiers you've probably got something like 20 to 25 actual perks. You're missing like, 70. Best case scenario, the ones you picked up include a lot of what you want. Most likely, you've got like half a good build and some gimmicky crap to slot in alongside it. Worst case scenario, which has happened to me plenty of times, you have like maybe one good perk and a pile of gimmicky crap. So. How long is it going to take you to get what you want?

There are 220 perk levels to go. After level 50, the webs are all the same size. It costs about 50,000 points to level up, and you get two perk levels per bloodweb. That's going to be 110 webs to get everything for Doug. Which is 5.5 million bloodpoints. Oh no. How many points were you earning per game again?

If you play with friends, you're probably going to do better. I find this to be true even if me and my friends are playing without voice comms or anything, because I just sort of know these people a bit better. I know my friend who mains Lisa Garland is a hook-diving bastard, so I don't need to go rescue anyone. Ace, god bless him, makes batshit altruistic plays, so I certainly don't need to go protect my teammates when he's out there doing things like this. I think I'm just going to sit on generators in the distance, think about our final gen spread, and try get us out of here. I'd say if I'm playing well, and accounting for offerings and WGLF stacks, with friends I average 30,000 a match and by myself I average 20,000. Playing killer I average more like 60,000, but playing killer is a bit stressful sometimes and I'm very indecisive about actually queuing up for it, so I probably actually get bp faster as survivor. I'm going to call the average per match across everything 25,000, because for every good game there are plenty where you underperform, or things just go drastically wrong. To earn 5.5 million points like that, you're going to have to play 220 matches. A game, including queue times and whatnot, can take ten to twenty minutes. That's... that's going to take a while. And that's ONE CHARACTER.

Now, on the survivor side you only really need to do this once. They're all just reskins of the same gameplay loop. On the killer side, you need to re-earn those perks for every new character you want to try out, because they're all different. Miiiiillions and millions of points. Hundreds of games. I have no problem with the game having a grind, but at this point it's absolute insanity.

In my opinion, removing perk tiers would cut the grind down to a reasonable level. There'd still be a grind, which I'm completely comfortable with existing, but it wouldn't be excruciatingly long, and you wouldn't have to spend as long dealing with bad perks.

HOWEVER, on top of that is the fact that they just. Holy shit the game updates slowly. I don't want to blame them for that in a way of like "these developers are incompetent and lazy", I really do love DBD to bits and I'm sure they do work very hard on it. That said, its update cycle is really slow. Reeaally slow. I wish they either had a bigger team, made balance updates faster (a handful of perk adjustments once every six weeks is... very very slow) or something to just try make the changes faster. Even when things do change it always feels so anxious and tentative, I wish they'd experiment more often. The time they disabled bloodlust to see what happened was really cool!

Yeah in short I just hope the grind gets addressed more than anything else, caus that's the part I actually think there's a relatively straightforward solution to. Also, I never got to play the older events where you could do shit like earn cosmetics, but they sounded way fucking cooler than the new ones. The halloween one last year was absolute shit, it's weird that their special events would get worse over time rather than better.

Buuut I agree with Scott Jund that the Resident Evil chapter was bad news for DBD's long term health because the one thing that would really give BHVR a kick up the ass is competition, and every time they land an amazing licensed chapter they become harder to compete with. They have an absolute monopoly on asymmetrical horror, and I honestly think the game would be in a better state right now if they had some competition >:[

[withoneheadlight]

I was tagged by @memes-saved-me <3<3<3<, Thank you, love <3<3<3<

~

1. why did you choose your url?

It’s because, one day, just a few months after starting to write again, feeling like I was sweating blood every time I had to sit down and do this, Neil Gaiman made me feel the most understood I‘ve ever felt when it comes to writing:

“It's a weird thing, writing.

Sometimes you can look out across what you're writing, and it's like looking out over a landscape on a glorious, clear summer's day. You can see every leaf on every tree, and hear the birdsong, and you know where you'll be going on your walk.

And that's wonderful.

Sometimes it's like driving through fog. You can't really see where you're going. You have just enough of the road in front of you to know that you're probably still on the road, and if you drive slowly and keep your headlamps lowered you'll still get where you were going.

And that's hard while you're doing it, but satisfying at the end of a day like that, where you look down and you got 1500 words that didn't exist in that order down on paper, half of what you'd get on a good day, and you drove slowly, but you drove.

And sometimes you come out of the fog into clarity, and you can see just what you're doing and where you're going, and you couldn't see or know any of that five minutes before.

And that's magic.”

He summed it up in another interview like this:

“Writing a novel is like driving through the fog with one headlight out. You can’t see very far ahead of yourself, but every now and again the mists will clear.”

i printed it and got it on my wall, too. so i don't forget.

and guess what’s one of my all-time favorite songs? yeah, you got it :D

also, that's the amount of mental enlightenment I go through life with: half the standard equipment. So it fits me pretty well i guess.

2. any side-blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

yeah i’ve got a few. most of them to stash things i like, in general or in other fandoms, but in harringrove i have @thequarryatnight as a fic/hc storage of sorts.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

uh, technically a few years?. I've had a few different accounts that I always ended up forgetting about. But had never really used Tumblr until this past last year and a half.

4. do you have a queue tag?

I use the most simplistic 'queue' ... when I remember to put it on XD (which, I should, because I'm always so worried people think I'm in here ignoring them when in reality what I usually have is the longest queue)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

Uh, long and boring story? xD. I started posting harringrove in my main a few months after I started using the account again, along with posts/reblogs for other fandoms. But with Tumblr being the chaos it is (for me at least, and for the way my poor add brain works) it felt pretty overwhelmed, having so many different things in one place, and never being able to find anything so I decided to make this one side-blog only for posting my fics, but then people started following me here and suddenly there were a bunch of them and then suddenly it felt like it made more sense?, rebloging things in here where more people could see them? so I made @thequarryatnight and started reblogging my stuff in there, so I wouldn't get crazy, and started using this as a more fandomish blog.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

I love pictures taken from the side? xD, they’ve got this feeling, of looking at someone without them noticing. there’s a longing in there that’s always fascinated me, and steve’s breathtaking in this one (same as billy in my main pic, imo). i like to think billy'd look at him and think ‘fuck’, fall in love for the hundredth time so, yep. I love that pic.

7. why did you choose your header?

Is a picture of Santa Carla at night, aka Santa Cruz, where Lost Boys was filmed. Is my second favorite fictional town (first is Astoria i might have a list) and the feeling of it is just *chef’s kiss*. Had to have it. But I’m thinking of revamping it for the summer? maybe? I’ve got a few ideas, it’s been hard to decide, but I wanna bring out the summery vibe this year.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

it’s apparently my upside-down kiss one! I'm pretty happy with how it turned out (i used this page since I had 0 idea of how to check this)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i honestly don't know, but they all are amazing mutuals <3

10. how many followers do you have?

one of the best things about tumblr: doesn't show the follower count <3 (imo)

11. how many people do you follow?

about 1000? xD

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

if saying the first stupid thing that comes to my head in here is considered a shit post, then,t o o m a n y.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

I've been trying to reduce the number of times I come checking but still, way too many :D

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

nope. never. sometimes i want to leave my opinion in some posts, but i still feel pretty insecure about the language, so i'm perpetually afraid of being misunderstood.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts

the ones with something good/bad is gonna happen if you don't reblog? i usually scream internally while i fast-scroll past them while both feeling like bwahhahaha and scared shitless.

16. do you like tag games?

oh i LOVE tag games too much.

17. do you like ask games?

very very much. even if sometimes i repent bc it's hard for me to find the time to answer them xD.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

dunno but @chichipafarolillos is my personal superstar <3

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

no xD but I really really <3<3<3 my mutuals.

20. tags?

@ghostofjellyfishforgotten @missroserose @rascheln @neonponders @cockasinthebird @thatharringrovehoe @edith-moonshadow @dyingontheharringrovehill @wholeshebangs @irishbeings @smashmouth-hargrove @mourntheantagonist @aestheticchaoss @somuchanemoia @cupidsintern