#i had no plans to post gifs on this account but this scene made me ill

[sosweetsolonely]

i can be gentle. how's that for gentle?

jacob elordi in he went that way (2023) dir. jeffrey darling

[purpleheartskies]

One thing that's always bothered me after s3 came out is the claim that Robby didn't have remorse after the school fight.

First off, it was very clear from Robby's demeanor in his scene with Daniel at the rehab center that Robby was very truly remorseful. Also, Robby clearly took accountability. He literally stated what he had done.

"But I caused all of this. I'm the one who kicked Miguel..."

It's also always important to call out that it had been an accident. Miguel had without a doubt pushed Robby to his limit. Robby reacted within seconds of Miguel letting go. It's ridiculous that some people say that Robby should have calmed down immediately after Miguel let go. Let's focus on this for a bit. According to some people, Robby isn't supposed to have very human emotions or have very human responses after having been in a fight like that after being attacked. Would those same people be able to calm down immediately? No. Plain and simple. Even Robby running away afterwards was very understandable because (1) "flight" response and (2) his parents are useless and had recently left him to starve for months and Daniel had just disowned him again. He knows he's alone. He ran out of fear, not malice. Robby had injured Miguel by accident, but he still had remorse for doing so. Other characters have intentionally physically hurt him, and those characters have yet to have remorse or take accountability even by the end of s5. After the school fight, it took time for Robby to calm down, which is a realistic portrayal of trauma responses because they can last for some time even. For example, in s4 Robby stayed in his "fight response" of wanting to do whatever it takes to win the tournament for months, until after his match with Kenny.

Back to the scene with Daniel. Right after Robby clearly took accountability about it with Daniel, even refusing to let Daniel take the blame, Daniel ambushed Robby with the cops. Even though Daniel hadn't planned for it to be an ambush like it became, it's especially important that Daniel hadn't talked to Robby first before calling the cops. Daniel didn't give Robby that time, space, and trust to make the decision on his own. Like I talk about in my post about Robby being like the wild rare bonsai tree, Daniel made it clear that he doesn't have faith in Robby.

Now, as parents and adults, Johnny and Shannon are useless to Robby. Johnny had spent maybe a couple of hours looking for Robby before giving up, and that was only after Daniel went to Johnny and convinced him to help after 2 weeks of Johnny not doing anything useful. Shannon seemed to have immediately called Daniel after Robby showed up at the rehab center and just handed Robby over to Daniel, letting him handle everything. And what did Daniel do? See the above.

Johnny's reaction when Robby asked him where he'd been for over one month after their "one good day" together before the school fight. Johnny literally has no legitimate response he could give Robby.

So the 3 adults Robby was supposed to rely on were the complete opposite of truly supportive or helpful. They weren't there for him like he needed them to be.

In all of this, some people are like "Robby didn't have remorse?" Really? Robby had been experiencing trauma after trauma, including those inflicted on him by these "caring" adults (neglect and abandonment are traumas too). Robby went into survival mode. He has no one, and he had to look after himself. He didn't have adults or friends or anyone who truly supported him. It's not that he didn't have remorse or didn't care. He literally had to focus on keeping it together and making it through the whole situation, including juvie, on his own.

When Sam made her speech at the city council meeting in s3e8 and said,

"Sometimes the scars you can't see are the ones that hurt the most"

I thought of Robby. And, as I talk about in Robby's rejection of toxic empowerment post, Robby's behavior later in the episode is exactly the result of that: his scars that no one sees. His trauma responses, including that "fight" response at Miyagi-Do, are the result of hurt. Robby had been in an unsafe, traumatizing environment for months, and within minutes of seeing Miguel for the first time, Mr. "Strike First" Miguel stepped up and challenged Robby even though Robby had told him to stay out of it. Robby had been keeping his distance from Sam and his anger under control. Miguel was once again worsening a situation that was under control. And before this scene, Miguel had hurt him that day in school and at the s1 avt and at the canyon party. Robby's history with Miguel is mostly Miguel hurting him. It's so ironic that Miguel made that speech at the city council meeting, talking only about his injury and recovery and leaving out that he had assaulted Robby first and escalated the situation in school.

Miguel's actions leading to Robby accidentally injuring him. Miguel had attacked Robby, choked him at one point, attacked him again, even purposely kicked him into the railing at one point, and then was going to break his arm for no reason at all. Of course, Miguel left all of this and his taunts to Robby out of his speech to the city council, portraying himself as only a victim in the fight.

He also talked about bullying as only being a victim of it, but completely disregarded his own past actions against Robby. Even trouncing the Miyagi-Do demonstration at Valley Fest had been an act of bullying, something Miguel had done to not just Robby but to Sam as well. Miguel had been proud of what he'd done, and then went back to trying to win Sam back soon afterwards. Miguel later implied to Robby that Miguel himself isn't an asshole, never acknowledging anything he'd done to hurt Robby. Whenever I watch Miguel's city council speech, I roll my eyes. I also find it so funny (in an ironic way) that both Kreese and Miguel spoke about themselves as well-intentioned heroes who believe that they're innocent and just do good in the world, yet they both cause and have caused so much hurt. They've given and continue to give people scars that can't be seen.

"You did it, Sensei!"

"No, WE did it!"

Miguel deflecting his culpability onto Johnny, despite Miguel's own intentions being to ruin the Miyagi-Do demonstration. He also deflected his culpability onto Johnny during the s1 avt and after the school fight.

Based on comments since s3 about Robby not having remorse about Miguel's injury or not feeling sorry for Johnny or not being understanding of Johnny abandoning him for Miguel or not agreeing with Daniel for not believing in him, some fans apparently believe that Robby isn't allowed to have emotions that don't suit what they want him to feel. It's not just Johnny that wants this from Robby. It's some fans too. Robby isn't allowed to put himself first, even when he is enduring traumas that these other characters inflict on him.

Also, where is Miguel's remorse? In s5, he still didn't have any remorse or take accountability. Instead he took his pound of flesh as if he had always been entitled to it. He's definitely acted that way since s1, before the school fight. Johnny has also just moved on and wants Robby to do the same and keep his negative emotions to himself or he's going to get abandoned again. Even Daniel just wanted Robby to accept what Daniel had done to him after the school fight without trying to understand Robby. All of this is consistent behavior by these characters even in s5.

Robby was the one eventually making things right with the others. The others didn't do anything to make things right with him. But some people still comment that Robby had no remorse. Or they only like Robby now that he took a beating from Miguel with Johnny's blessing, bowed his head in defeat, and is now expressing only the feelings that Johnny, Miguel, Daniel, and others want him to show.

Robby reluctantly agreeing that all is good now between him and Miguel to appease Johnny.

The other characters aside, some fans themselves don't want Robby to have emotions that make sense for what he's experiencing. He is given those emotions though. And the writers confirmed that those emotions are all still there and that things aren't resolved. Robby burying the egg to keep it safe during Chozen's lesson was a clear representation of how Robby keeps himself safe too: hiding who he really is by hiding his emotions to feel safe and accepted. The other kids also protected their eggs the way they handle situations too: Miguel is possessive/controlling, like he is in his relationships with Sam and Johnny; Sam thinks she's got things covered but isn't cautious enough, like when she didn't plan beyond having enough numbers for the arcade fight (she didn't consider that more Cobras might show up); Anthony gives in easily, like he did with his friends and bullied Kenny; Hawk is overconfident and doesn't consider that his opponent might do something unexpected, like he is later with Kenny during the trials; etc...

We have 5 seasons of Robby experiencing trauma after trauma. Robby's emotions due to his traumas have always been valid, but people dismiss his traumas and his emotions. The double standard in the fandom is also blatant. For example, Miguel pushes Johnny away and Johnny runs after him. People praise Johnny for being a "father" to Miguel. Robby pushes Johnny away and Johnny doesn't run after him. People excuse Johnny for this and blame Robby for pushing him away. Also, people praise Johnny running after Miguel to bring him home safe as Johnny showing "fatherly love" for Miguel, while people dismiss Johnny tricking, lying to, and gaslighting Robby to use him to get Miguel back as okay. Some even call it Johnny "trying" with Robby. The blatant contrast in how Johnny prioritizes Miguel and his emotions over Robby and his emotions is there for anyone to see throughout s5 as well. If people wanted to have empathy for Robby, they could choose to.

"There's nothing complicated about it. You had a choice and you chose."

(These are general thoughts and not directed at anyone in particular.)

(Note: Please don't reblog/reply with any dismissive comments/tags about the show writers, the writing, or the serious aspects of the show. Such comments/tags minimize the contents of the post. This blog (link) explains my general thoughts about posting after s5.)

[fullscoreshenanigans]

I’m never going to be over Ray and Emma both having visions of Norman when they both desperately needed the comfort of his presence.

I could have gone with manga panels for both of these for uniformity, but yet again CloverWorks takes advantage of the medium shift to add such beautiful nuance to (hallucination!)Norman and Ray’s exchange in the S1 finale—Norman speaking to Ray so, so gently in both the English and Japanese dubs with his final remark featured here, Ray being so overwhelmed by everything that’s happened in the past hour already and now topped with seeing one of the two people who was most important to him reappear, after he thought he’d never see him again, that he nearly cries at his words. I can’t express how much I adore the way they handled this scene.

By turning out to be a hallucination/dream as opposed to a ghost, we’re shown Norman’s departed spirit isn’t actually guiding them as its own independent entity with an agenda in another incorporeal form, but instead how they both internalized his character and personality and, most importantly, how they wished to see him again that manifested his appearance (see this post for further differences between their perspectives of him on this particular night).

Ray has spent over half of his life utterly loathing himself for the choices he made in order to save Emma and Norman. So much so he built up a bravado around the act of his self-immolation for years, resulting in the manic fervor he displays when giving his speech to Emma in the few minutes before the clock strikes midnight on his officially listed birthday (this is also fueled by his fraught relationship with Isabella, but that’s for other posts). He not only believes he deserves to die for his actions and perceived inaction, but that he should do so in a violent, agonizing way.

Ray knows Norman, knows his sense of rigid morality well enough to account for him discovering his alliance with Isabella and using that to his advantage, to further push Norman away so he’ll be more comfortable with using him (he even chides Norman for not keeping his original plan to do this a secret) and so his death will hurt him and Emma less. And for roughly the entire back half of October 2045, Norman did genuinely hate Ray for his betrayal in the same way he hated Isabella, his reaction so visceral at being deceived and hurt by people he had loved all his life. He would have been willing to sacrifice Ray if not for intervention from Emma, which opened him up to directly confronting Ray and, in turn, led him to discover Ray’s true motives. He was so humbled and taken aback by the depths of Ray’s love and loyalty he returned to his original categorization of him: a dear friend who needed to be saved from his intended fate in their cruel world. Even if saving him came at the cost of his own life; even if he desperately wanted to live.

One could argue Ray hallucinating Norman up on the wall was to assuage his own guilt at being unable to save him as he originally planned (something that, on his darker days, I think Ray himself would believe), but I prefer to view it as the final marker of his truly internalizing one of the deepest desires in his heart that he had locked away for so long. After living under that oppressive reality of dehumanization and exploitation and believing that there was nothing else for him, that this was all there was, that things would never get better and after everything he did up to that point, he didn’t deserve better, on top of Isabella throwing him completely off balance by shipping Norman out early and just being this incredibly conflicting and painful presence in his life, to have his siblings come together for this escape plan and without putting it explicitly in words convey “you’re worth saving, Ray, and we love you,” and that they gave him hope back

(Chapter 36)

it fucks me up something fierce.

Emma’s hallucination of Norman is much more brief during this time.

No words are exchanged, but none are necessary.

(Chapter 31)

After two and a half months of grappling with the real, palpable grief she felt at his death, seeing him around every corner and hearing his voice, and sublimating it into her efforts to ensure the success of the escape, she’s able to find solace in her vision of him before the wall.

(Chapter 119)

It’s why she sheds no tears for him until their reunion nearly two years later.

(TPN Light Novel 1: A Letter from Norman - “The Day Emma Cried”; translated by @1000sunnygo​​)

But up until that point, she repeatedly draws strength and comfort from his memory.

Even before chapter 93, she’s unconsciously reaching for him in her fevered dreams.

(Chapter 45 Side Scene)

Him and Isabella, predominantly in black due to her belief they’re dead, and Ray and the rest of the escapees who she hopes are still alive, predominately in white.

(Chapter 50)

Though she had to compromise on their original plan by only bringing along those over five at its outset, she’s committed to their end goal. She was the spark that pushed them to strive for the ideal outcome instead of settling for the safest one that would be tinged in regrets, and he gave up everything to facilitate it.

(Chapter 53)

The three-panel overview of her thought process ends on her final handshake with Norman. It’s painful enough for this man to be insulting her living family, but when her thoughts drift to the boy who had given his life so they would have a chance to live freely, who came to believe in all those things the man was disparaging, it’s the final straw that breaks her silence. She won’t stand and let her family be disregarded so casually or let Norman’s memory be desecrated like that.

(Chapter 64)

She eventually brings him up to Yuugo in an attempt to connect with him over lost friends, and her framing of it is interesting because while viewing Norman as having agency in making his choice (as much as they can have under the circumstances in that he went willingly, which isn’t much, but from her perspective as a traumatized child), she states simply that she let him go. (Shoutout to the way SKATES delivers said line in the manga dub. Wonderfully heartbreaking. </3)

(Chapter 30)

After she and Ray both knew how much he wanted to see the world beyond their walled existence and live on with them.

So when we get to chapter 93 where she’s on the brink of death, having visions of all the suffering experienced on the grounds of Goldy Pond before finding refuge and strength in visions of her family, the one who catches he when she begins to sink is Norman.

Unlike with the hallucinations at the end of the escape arc that were meant to obfuscate his fate, at this point we as an audience know he’s alive at Lambda, so this is all coming from the perception of Norman Emma holds deep within her heart. Even from beyond, even if it meant being separated from her longer, she sees him guiding her out of the unknown, murky depths so she can continue fighting to actualize their plan. (To say nothing of the way she imagines him delicately intertwining their fingers upon reaching her as the way he catches her. The association with safety and gentleness is always present and yet another valued refuge in light of the violence she’s in the middle of.)

Minor tangent to end on, but it’s interesting to me how when Emma brings up Norman’s name among people she misses, during the only time they privately mention him, Ray takes a beat to gather himself before focusing on what’s still obtainable in this life.

(Chapter 55)

There’s zero chance she blames him for Norman’s shipment, but he’s still not ready to look her in the eye and delve into it where they could potentially draw attention from others when he considers it a failure to his two most precious people after years of meticulous planning.

(Chapter 65)

But Norman’s still in his thoughts too as he adamantly refuses to fail Emma again.

(Chapter 93)

Though he comes very close.

(Chapter 123)

And he’s the one to remind Emma of how special their bond is when she’s having doubts about voicing her disagreement with Norman’s plan.

[jokeringcutio]

Fic authors self-rec! ✨ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you’ve written, then pass on to at least five other writers.

<3 Wow, since I've been writing fanfics for years, I have so many to choose from. But let me stick to my reader-insert-focused darker fics that I post on this account.

1:

The Man Who Claimed To Be Yours – Fandom: Joker 2019, Pairing: Arthur Fleck/Joker x (Female) Reader. Explicit with lots of warnings. By far my proudest (and smuttiest?) work.

By far a number one position. Not only do you people seem to love it, I have received so many messages of readers going back to the story for the umpteenth time to reread it all. (And you have no diea how those little messages strengthened me when my health abandoned me). You devour it. And even I have been rereading my own tale several times and enjoyed it. So yes, I definitely want to write an ending to it. I also have plans to have the full story out before Joker 2 comes out.

Fun fact: The entire fic was inspired by the gif I added above)

2:

Pine Cone Child – Fandom: Enola Holmes, Pairing: Enola Holmes/Linthorn (one-sided & Noncon), Enola Holmes & Sherlock Holmes. Explicit with lots of warnings.

I got a big thrill sending these chapters out into the world and found myself on a roll with this fic. The idea came with one scene, of a boy meeting his biological father, and realizing that he had a far more gritty past than he always had assumed. But to get to that chapter, I had to write many more. In the end, that chapter was never posted online. And the chapters I had finished about Enola and her mother visiting Linthorn’s grave and the chapter that was to follow after got lost when my laptop crashed. I was also too ill and too tired to write, so it never reached its end. I am not sure if I will ever finish this one. I think, it is pretty okay as it is. Even if I never got to the ending the whole idea sprouted from in the first placed. For now, it is on hold.

3. Removed Fics/Or old account fics:

The first multi-chapter fic became a success, many years ago. I will not name the title, the quality is shite compared to what I write now (still shite, but different shite). One of the first fandoms I wrote fanfiction in was Inu Yasha. The much-explored ‘Inu Yasha scampers off with Kikyo and Kagome finds comfort in Sesshoumaru’s arms’ was still new, there were about 20 fics or so about this pairing in English. The encouragement I received made me want to keep posting my work. I still receive reviews for these fics.  

4. A deleted Sweeney Todd Smut fic, featuring Sweeney Todd x Lovett’s daughter. I might reupload this one day, perhaps as a reader insert.

But because I want to tag a tale: Have you tried reading my dark romance (aka, Reader let yourself be kidnapped by a slasher guy)  The Chance to Make A Change. Fandom: The Black Phone. Pairing: Albert Shaw ( The Grabber ) x (f) Reader. Explicit. Loads of warnings.

Shared 5:

His – Fandom: Moon Knight, Pairing: Dr. Arthur Harrow x (f) Reader. Mature with warnings.

I am surprised by how much feedback and likes I received on this, even if the numbers of hits and kudos on AO3 are low. But for the short tale it is, I like it. Because it shows a budding relationship over time, cut into short chapters, and has a little evil twist at the end of it. Also, I could totally live with this happening to me, if I were the reader.

Shared 5:

No Family Man – Fandom: Joker 2019, Pairing: Arthur Fleck/Joker x (afab) Reader. Mature with warnings.

Another one of my fics I love to return to, and that was generally received well. It started as two imagines which I then combined. It has lots of personal experience elements in it that to me, make it all the more special. What they are, I will leave for you to guess.

I would love to finish the Princess and the Clown - Joker 2019 fanfic of Arthur Fleck/Joker x Reader I once started. Perhaps rewrite it a little. Same for my Benvolio x Mercutio Hanahaki Story (you Shakespearean lovers might know me of my many Tybalt x Mercutio and Mercutio x basically anyone fics).

I have a few Star Wars Reader Inserts that were never finished but tickle my fancy. Mostly Reader x Kylo Ren or Reader x Hux (or both lol).

By far most of my proudest fanfics have been personal gifts to friends. It is how I started writing when in High School, and I still gift fics for people's birthdays. I especially like the Sherlock Holmes range I did for several friends, in which my friends always ended up being the evil masterminds who outsmarted Sherlock and Watson. But also, because I had illustrations to go along with these fics. <3

But first, I need to finish a whole list of unfinished works: starting with a Crimson Peak inspired modern reader au that has been pending for over 2 years, as well as the Joker fic mentioned on number one. Then there's a summery romantic Arthur Harrow x Reader tale I want to gift to someone on here, and a Harrow Patient x Reader fic that wants to be written in between.

ARGH!

Not to mention the many Arthur Fleck x Reader prompts I have pending. I LOVE YOU, KEEP SENDING ME STUFF <3

[phoenixtakaramono]

Hi! I feel a bit bad asking this as I know you are focused on TNotG, but I'm still feeling too feral over Truce (and was trying to find previews here and couldn't), but how is that going? Ah, I also read your twitter threads, and loved both the Fix-it AU and the Sugar Baby AU (both are so good, so in character, and the way it's written from HL's POV makes it so intriguing, his choices, how he thinks about Billy, how he pretty much obsesses (which is very true for him!) Sorry for the ramble

Hullo, hullo~! With all your usernames, I'm not sure which one to use, dear reader, so since this was sent over on tumblr with this account, I shall refer to you with this moniker ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜) but feel free to let me know if you prefer something else!

Chapter Previews for Truce

So fun fact regarding previews of ch3 (and ch4) from Truce: you're right; they don't exist here on tumblr. This was before I'd realized the butch/lander community is also active here on this platform as well, so under that mentality I'd mostly just tweeted screenshots of ch3 (and 1 tweet about ch4) over on my Twitter account. Because it's awhile back, they're buried under my 300+ tweets (especially with the daily/weekly updates from the three threadfics of then) but I believe you can still find them on Twitter if you search for "Truce ch3" and "Truce ch4" and sort them by Latest tweets. You can also find a few sneak peek snippets in the ch2 Comments section of Truce that I gifted a couple readers as thanks for their comments~.

Truce Ch3 Status

At the time I was juggling three threadfics and Truce all in one go. A lot of ch3 was written even before ch2, but it was the beginning scene and the last scene that stumped me. What happened essentially since was I had a conversation with two moots based on a NS/FW drawing planned for ch3 and ended up changing the location, so that scene has to be changed.

Then what was left was the beginning scene I had to first tackle, and I made the decision to go waaaaaaaay outside the box that no one has written before—which is the subtle romantic parody of Superman and Lois Lane in outerspace. A reader of mine tweeted under my tweet of me airing out that idea, and they essentially sent me a thread of questioning the logistics of how that'd work and how dumb it'd be essentially on HL's part (because, y'know, space and exposed human eyeballs and the human body, lack of oxygen/ inability to breath in space, and then there's the question about how Billy's and Homelander's bodies are gonna be able to withstand the heat of re-entering Earth's atmosphere even with their nigh "invulnerable" bodies)—and that fired me up to commit to the outerspace idea as the dramatic first scene because I'm a stubborn writer (/lh). The more you tell me an idea is dumb or cannot be done, the more I feel compelled to do it to prove the person wrong. (Mind you, though, we're good friends on Twitter; this is not meant as shade or anything, haha. They know I joke about how I'm a "stubborn writer" like a certain main character from one of my fics and how their thread fired me up to dig my heels in and give this insane idea a shot.)

After TNotG ch1 is posted to AO3, I'll go back to resuming the writing of Truce ch3. Originally I was thinking of maybe waiting for The Boys (TV) S4 to air so I can bring in Firecracker and Sister Sage and keep true to their canon show personalities instead of me making it up, but then I saw someone tweet that Erin Moriarty doesn't think post production of S4 will be done till 2024. So I think, as long as I'm not gripped by TNoTG ch2 feels, I'm probably going to jump ship briefly and finish Truce ch3 first after TNoTG ch1.

Fix-it AU and the Sugar Baby AU

I'm glad you're enjoying them! Presently as I'm writing TNotG ch1 (and later Truce ch3), I'm putting them on a short pause so I can focus on them individually and not have my wires crossed. HL's POV is always entertaining to write, and there is a certain type of Homelander that I very much enjoy in both my readings and writings. I have a soft spot for reading about a vain, clingy, narcissistic obsessive/ possessive manipulative psychopath HL who is codependent on his partner and wanting them so much he lets himself be dommed—and, after experiencing an earth-shattering revelation and bliss, he now expects to be catered to and pampered like a pillow princess and having Billy's attention revolve around him 24/7 (bc ofc). It's delightful to read about in the fictional sphere where we can play with such an unhinged character, and I like sharing that with my readers.

I'm still thinking maybe after Truce is completed and we just have TNotG in my AO3 portfolio left, that maybe I can migrate these threadfics over as part of my Butchlander Twitter Threadfics series—but obviously polish them up and change a few story decisions and, eventually, finish them. Right now these threadfics only exist on Twitter—and so they shall remain there until I'm ready to begin the migration.

I see you have two more Asks sent to my Inbox. I'm gonna answer them one by one. :) Thank you for sending me the Asks! I swear I cannot stop smiling reading through them.

[dirt-apple-productions]

there were so many numbers I'm just gonna say- 5, 15, 25, 35, 45, 55

Alright let me get the questions lol.

5. have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

I have! I think I might have an Alura playlist and a Nellura one specifically too, but sadly I can't share them because they're on my Apple Music account, which has personal information. (I know this person irl though, so maybe I'll DM it to her.) I'll make a playlist for Sazanka on Youtube soon, though, because I have a lot of good songs for that.

15. where do you share your writing?

Wattpad, AO3, and Fanfiction.net! Follow me there! I have more books planned and Lord willing someday I'll finish Alura. I recommend you follow my Wattpad most since I also post original fiction there on occasion.

25. what’s your revision or rewriting process like?

It's extremely tedious, lol. I almost always rewrite the first draft completely - it rarely keeps much of the same plot from start to finish, especially if it's a long book. Sometimes I have to rewrite it many times (Starwalker I had to rewrite twice, and Seraphite is on its sixth incomplete draft!). After I have my "working draft," I add/delete scenes, reword sentences, and fix grammar before sending it off to betas. Then after I get feedback, I apply it and do another round of edits before it hits the shelves!

35. tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot

Okay, so I have to do two. A character that I love a whole lot that is absolutely nothing like me is Toga from My Hero Academia. We do have some things in common, admittedly, because her story is an autism allegory much like a lot of characters' in that show. But she's far more extroverted than me, her social ineptitude is a matter of choice for the most part, and I obviously don't have her fascination with blood. But she's the absolute best and I wish Hori could write romance because she deserves a crusty boyfriend, I'm just sayin'!

The other one is Dazai from Bungo Stray Dogs. I'm a very blunt, literal person, and Dazai is so NOT. He's such a troll and he keeps lowkey flirting with Fyodor Dostoevsky and he's so funny. (I also like Fyodor for that matter, he's also hilarious and a terrifyingly competent villain.)

45. name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

You

@seokjynerso

Anyone who provides me with yummy Shigatoga food

[curatoroffiction]

OH MY GOD I RECENTLY FOUND YOU ACCOUNT AND SAW THE LINK TO YOUR AO3! I found "A Rose by Any Other Name" AND READ IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH! I LOVE THE CONCEPT AND HOW YOU WROTE EVERYONE!

I absolutely love you you wrote, us(reader/prefect) as this unbothered in others perspective, strong (that comment Leona made 😘), high profile prefect. While we're still relatable/ casual/ normal, getting mad, cracking jokes, thinking for themselves ( Vil and Rook scene)

And that's just on us (there's still a lot more I can say about us and how you said we looked extra good and neat to others to the point they thought we were doing it for attention when we normally look like that)

How you write the other characters is just 🙌🙏🙏🙇‍♀️

Had their own agenda super yummy yum reading how they think and act. Especially with how they were going back and forth overthinking. (Low-key simping for us 🤭😏)

I don't use AO3 often so idk if there's a lil area which tells you when was the last time it's been updated but if it's been a while are you planning on writing more for it? (No pressure, I'm just genuinely curious ❤️ also since I rushed back into Tumblr to write this I didn't check anything else both in AO3 and here 😭)

The reason I sent this ask is just for me to show my appreciation!( I like to tell authors when I geek out over their writing cause I feel it would be nice to see someone doing so) You write so beautifully and evoke emotion out of me with each word. I'm super thankful for you and any other writer reading this <3 Y'all truly deserve to be appreciated and know how much life you bring into the community. As well as how many smiles you make 🙇‍♀️ please continue to take care of yourself by taking a drink of water often.

Oh my god this is so lovely. Hahahaha, you're such a sweetheart. I'm so glad my work has evoked such strong emotion from you! "A Rose By Any Other Name" is a series I've had a lot of fun writing. It's so funny to me that people love it - I think it's up there as one of my top 3-4 most read series.

For anyone who isn't familiar with it, it's a series I wrote about Twisted Wonderland, where the prefect gets DOUSED with a potion that makes them smell like people's favorite scents. It's a very silly fic whose concept still makes me laugh. It's absolutely meant to be completely indulgent fluff.

Here's the link if anyone would like to read it

To answer your questions, I absolutely do plan to continue that series. I have plans for the reader to go through different interactions with each dorm, getting sucked into all kinds of ridiculous shenanigans and silliness. It'll be a while before I post anything, but, the series definitely isn't abandoned.

Thank you so much for reaching out to share your appreciation - Your message just made me bubble up with delight. Hahaha! I love hearing from folks who love my work, and I'm glad to get to share it with ya'll. I have such wonderful readers.

Thank you to everyone who reads and enjoys my work!

[greyias]

I posted 1,641 times in 2022

That's 280 more posts than 2021!

277 posts created (17%)

1,364 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@storyknitter

@commander-krios

@queen-scribbles

@greyias

@aearyn

I tagged 1,041 of my posts in 2022

Only 37% of my posts had no tags

#dracula daily - 75 posts

#gif - 70 posts

#lmao - 56 posts

#theron shan x jedi knight - 46 posts

#twitch stream - 33 posts

#going live - 29 posts

#grey's silly swtor tag - 27 posts

#swtor spoilers - 26 posts

#oc: greyias highwind - 26 posts

#signal boost - 25 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i'm convinced this is a budgetary decision and they just mix for surround sound and say 'screw it' to the 90% of devices listening in stere

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Pictured: a dog that has never been fed ever in his whole life

109 notes - Posted April 20, 2022

#4

The Twitterpocalypse: A Summary

(as of today 11/18/22)

143 notes - Posted November 18, 2022

#3

I absolutely adore @caffeinatedrogue's art, and was so lucky to be able to snag a commission slot and get this gorgeous piece of art of Theron Shan and my Jedi Knight. Thank you so much!

244 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

#2

🐦 Afternoon Update: Idiot Unplugs Things

How foolish of me, to think that the frenetic pace of things would somehow slow down. If you haven’t already backed up your account/data at Twitter. Um. You should. If that is indeed still functioning behind the scenes.

Because like, apparently the moment I hit post this morning, our local genius who wants to start a colony on Mars, who knows all things in the universe, does what any smart person would do, made this announcement.

See the full post

402 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Twitterpocalypse -- The Final Countdown(?)

*cracks knuckles*

All right. I had thought we were done. I had thought about retiring these, as the last one got a bit out of hand. I had planned on doing other things tonight, but it appears, my people need me.

And this genuinely might be the last one (at least from me). So let's see if I can sum up what's happened since our last episode, and see how many screenshots I can artfully arrange together before Tumblr breaks.

On Tuesday, things were already starting to break.

Wednesday:

Twitter 1.0 is dead. Long live Twitter 2.0!

It's just like the nineties, because it's EXTREMEly HARDCORE

See the full post

3,680 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lilywoood]

You've got a mail 8/15

I originally didn't plan on posting anything on Tumblr anymore but I'm having some issues with my AO3 account so to be sure that I'm not loosing anything I'll start to post here again.

Tag list : @comablog2 @justsmilestuffhappens @gxtop @chrrlees @hardychick89 @jb-ap-94 @chioink @peroquenotevean @tk-carlosforlifex @nighting-gale17 @fyeahhipsterdoctor@leslilupe @anthony-e-stark-3000 @haderofthesociety @iamonlyaliveformalex @wearelosersyoudumbfuck @serena040506 @multi-fandom-writing @my-name-i-we

Words count : 2340

Song : L'Enfer - Stromae

She failed him, she let him down when he needed her the most, she ignored his calls, ignored the signs, ignored his pleas and cries…She failed him.

He’d always been there for her, he saved her more times than once, he heard her, saw her, found her when she was lost, freed her from the darkness, saved her from misery and she failed to save him in return, she let him drown in his own despair, she ignored him blindly believing that his smiles were sincere, that his laughs were real, that his happiness wasn’t faked, she was so blinded by her new beginning she forgot all about him, she ignored how he was wearing a mask even in front of her, that he was lying, hiding and suffering all alone.

The guilt was eating her alive, consuming her, she couldn’t help but replay all their last interactions in her head, trying to see if she could see the signs now...she couldn’t, the more she tried to remember the last time they talked with one antoher, the more she realized that they hadn’t seen eachother face to face in a really long time, he’d been avoinding her yet she never questionned it, putting it on his busy schedules, thinking he was back on the dating game, she never wondered why he was always canceling dinner night nor did she wonder why he didn’t want to come over anymore, the answers, the signs had been there all along yet she ignored them. 

She hadn’t left his bedside in three days, she refused to leave him alone, refused to abandon him once more, refused to make the same mistake twice, he needed her and she needed him to wake up, his room was disturbingly quiet, they had removed the machines only leaving the respirator as his current state didn’t allow him to breath on his own. 

He should have woken up by now, the doctors had assured her that he was out of danger, but for some unknowns reasons Buck remained unconscious, as if he refused to come back to reality, as if his psyche was trying to protect him from the outside world, protect him from someone or something but Maddie was determined to discover what it was not knowing that the answers to all her questions would come to her sooner than she expected.

They were all sitting patiently in the hallway across from his room, all pretending to feel remorse, regret and sadness for Buck, watching without discretion as to when Maddie would come out of the room to only pretend to support her through this difficult time.

They were a bunch of hypocrites and their very presence made TK's blood boil, how dare they show up here, how dare they pretend to care about Buck when they were responsible for his condition, when they were the cause of his torment, Buck may have swallowed the pills but in the young man's eyes they had each taken turns shoving a pill down his friend's throat.

He was blinded by rage, anger and disgust, and was about to go and show them exactly how he thought when he felt someone pulling him in the opposite direction. 

-Carlos, he marveled, what…why did you stop me

-I know that look, he replied sympathetically, I understand that you don't hold these people in your heart, but causing a scene here and now is probably not a good idea.

He nodded dejectedly and dropped on the nearest chair, Carlos joined him, letting a separating seat between them. His heart sank at this gesture, as he would have liked to feel him closer to him, would have liked to feel the comforting warmth of his body against his own, would have liked to hold his hand,to feel him pass on some of his courage.

-So you and Buck, Carlos hesitated, stumbling to breach the heavy silence.

-Just friends,TK reassured him, avoiding his gaze, he understands how I feel, he tried.

-While I didn't, he chuckled bitterly.

-No...not that kind of stuffs anyway, TK sighed, grabbing the other man’s hand softly stroking it with his thumb, but…he fumbled, that…that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to tell you about it one day.

-Okay, Carlos croaked his gaze fixed on their hands.

A new silence fell between the two men and unlike the others this one was neither heavy nor stressful, it was a simple pause in their conversation, a simple halt allowing them to sort out their restless minds.

-Why do you hate them, Carlos demanded suddenly, Buck’s team why do you hate them.

-It was because of them he ended there, TK explained without going into details, they bullied him until he ended up there and now, he chuckled drily, now they want to pretend in front of his sister that they care about him, that they’re there for her, he whisper shouted, where were they when he was drinking himself to sleep, or when he decided that sleeping was useless and that by staying awake he would avoid the nightmares.

-What do you want to do, Carlos asked, do you want to tell his sister.

-I told her to ask her boyfriend, he sighed, I didn’t feel like I should be the one telling her.

-You want to confront them.

-I hate hypocrites, I hate the fact that they’re not there because they’re worried, he growled, they’re here because they want to save their asses.

-Okay, then go and make them regret, Carlos smiled encouragingly, make them feel bad.

-I will, TK grinned hugging him, thank you…for everything, he added raising from his seat.

-What else are friends for, Carlos smiled.

-I...

-I know TK, he replied, I'll be waiting for you when you're ready, he added, now go.

He always felt like words were more impactful, more influential and destructive than any kind of weapon, he’d always felt mesmerized, fascinated, draw to their power, after all words could start a war as much as it could bring peace, words were a cure as much as it was a curse, word could shape as much as it could destroy and in this case, in this day at this precise instant words have been his friend’s doom.

He could hear it now, could hear their venoms, their mockery, their poison, he could hear what Buck was hearing every single days, could understand his friends pain and despair, could see why he would go to such extremes. He never heard so much nastiness, so much malice and viciousness in his life, never would have thought it could come from people who were supposed to have his back, rage and anger were now blinding him and the desire to make those traitors pay increased the closer he got to them.

He was only a few feet away from them when he suddenly felt doubtful, was this really a good idea, was it really necessary to expose them while Buck was still in a coma, while Maddie was only barely holding on, was this really for the sake of his friend or for himself, millions of questions crossed his mind causing him to suddenly stop in his tracks.

He took one last look at Carlos who gave him an encouraging smile and that was enough to revive him and give him the strength and courage to confront the 118.

Bobby was the first to enter his sight, soon followed by the rest of his team, they were sitting close to each other and hardly noticed his presence, busy with the animated discussion their chief was having with his own captain.

As if on cue, Owen reached out to him, smiling slightly, urging him to join the conversation, a rapid glance was all TK needed to understand that his father was serving him revenge on a silver plate.

-You must be the famous TK, Bobby said, flashing him his fakest smile. Your father was just telling us about you and your prowess, he chirped.

-My prowess,he articulated with a twitch of his lips.

-Yes,Bobby continued, I wanted to thank you personally for saving Buck's life, too.

-He's the one who's saved mine on several occasions, T.K. remarked, striving to maintain his composure.

-How did you meet, Eddie interjected, He never told us about you, he gestured to the rest of the team.

-Therapy, the young man countered, squinting at Eddie sideways.

-Well, it looks like we don't know a lot about Buck, he quipped, between the suicide attempt, the therapy and now the Texas friend, he gestured frustratingly.

TK took a deep breath and exchanged another subtle glance with his father, his frustration and annoyance growing as Eddie's interventions increased, the fact that the 118 nodded and allowed this kind of remark only served to cement his already poor opinion of them.

-Do you even know why he tried to kill himself, T.K. snapped,Do you have any idea about what he's going through, he groused.

-Maybe he wanted a little more attention, Eddie shrugged uncaringly.

A dry, sinister laugh escaped TK, as his gaze roamed over the rest of the team he quickly realized that all seemed to have the same opinion about Buck as did their teammate, that all seemed to have the same incorrect perception of his friend, the one of a spoiled brat whose failure to get his way led him to choose the utmost solution.

-You really think he did all this for attention, he cackled disbelievingly.

-Why else, Chim interjected, Buck has always been a drama queen, he will never admit it to himself, but subconsciously I think he was just seeking some extra attention,he mused.

TK laughed maniacally, clutching his sides and shaking his head at the sheer amount of ignorance, disillusion and spite those people possessed, not once had the 118 considered themselves responsible for Buck's actions, neither of them seemed to believe that their abuses and noxious behavior might have caused the current incident.

-You wouldn’t know what’s an attention seeker is even if it was in front of you, he declared after calming down.

-And you would, Eddie scoffed.

-Yes cause I’m one, he revealed glancing at his father, I’m an addict, he added, I oded thrice, he revealed smiling at Hen supporting look, my captain had every right to doubt my ability as a firefighter but he didn’t, he smiled fondly remembering how his father was set on second chance, he could have gone behind my back, he could have told his chiefs that I wasn’t stable enough for this line of work, he could have, he insisted, but he didn’t because he respect me enough to confront me, to share with me his doubts about my abilities, he leaned over Bobby, his eyes never leaving his, trust and respect is essential between a captain and his crew, he disclosed, I might have my differences with my team but at the end of the day I know that I can trust them, he shared, same can’t be said about you, he half shrugged.

-Oh please, Eddie scoffed, don’t act as if you know him better than us, he waved off, we’ve been working with him for years, we know everything about Buck, he added jamming his hands in his front pockets, you’ve knew him for what a months or two, he snarked before being cut off 

-Time doesn’t define how deep you know someone, TK retorted, I’ve knew him for three months and yet I know more about him than any of you, he raised his chin defiantly still focusing on Bobby, did you know that the reason he over exhaust himself during his recovery time was because he didn’t want to disappoint you, he asked Bobby, because you’re his hero, his model and he didn’t want you to think he couldn’t handle it, he hummed, did you know that after the tsunami he hadn’t be able to take a bath or a shower for two weeks because he was afraid of drowning, he asked looking at Eddie, better did you know he was the one who convinced his domestic abuse survivors sister, your girlfriend, he emphasized, to take a chance on you, he frowned, there isn’t a single selfish bone in Evan’s body, he snared, everything he did he had the 118 in mind, he added, the lawsuit you seem to reproach him, it was for you and he had every right to go through it, he laughed, but it could’ve been avoided if you had an ounce of respect for him, he snarked at Bobby.

Guilt and remorse could be read on their faces, none of them dared to speak after the young man's revelations, none of them foresaw how their bullying would affect Buck.

-It was you, Maddie asked in an accusing tone making them all realize that she’d heard everything, from the beginning it was you, she continued with a grim expression, you knew what was wrong with him, you knew why he swallowed all those pills and you stayed quiet.

-Maddie, Chim started.

-Try to take even one step towards me and I swear to God you will bitterly regret it, she menaced.

-Please let me explain, he begged.

-Explain what, she chuckled, explain that you bullied my little brother over some bullshit, she roared, that you bullied him to the point he tried to unalive himself, she scoffed, explain how you lied to me for months telling me I was worrying over nothing when you knew damn well what was the issue, what else is there to explain Howard, she barked drying her tears with a sweep of her sleeve.

-We didn’t, he stammered, it’s not what we wanted, he tried miserably 

-No but it’s what you did, TK interjected before being interrupted by people running past them and toward Buck’s room, doctors and nurses were screaming orders at each other, sirens and red lights were blaring, making them quiet down instantly, making them stare at each other, making them dread what was happening.

[taviewritesstuff]

UPDATE - October 24, 2022

Hey folks! Here I am again with another update! It won’t be quite as long as the last one, but it’s still chock full of information. So, buckle up, buttercups!

Firstly, I’m happy to report that I made it through my first week of school in tact! I’ve learned from my mistakes and have been breaking down my homework into manageable chunks, which has made it much, MUCH easier to not only get it done, but to also get some creative things done. I have two papers coming up this week, and a lot of reading on my end, so I’ll probably be busy again, not coming on unless I have enough time. I will be staying in touch with my good friends, though, so I’m not gonna COMPLETELY radio silent.

The real enemy last week was work! My schedule was all over the place, and it left me feeling pretty darn stressed out. Thankfully, I didn’t let that get in the way of my homework, but man, when I say I practically ran out the door Saturday… 😩 Good news is, I’ll be taking Friday and Saturday off so I can have some much needed rest and time to myself to take care of homework. Oh, and my parents are coming to visit, so it’ll be fun to catch up with them!

Well, that’s all that I can think of regarding life updates. Next up, I have a few cool creative ideas that I’d like to share with you all!

For starters, Blazin’ Trails is back on the horizon! I’ve been working on the final chapter for the last couple of weeks, and I’m super excited to post it! I went from having no idea where to take the story, to now wanting to spend every moment I’m not working on homework on this. There are cool cameos from certain characters, one of my favorite OCs gets a bigger role, and things will be set up to go into the next phase, which is Blazin’ Trails Redux! Ideally, I’d love to have this story’s final chapter out on November 20th, which will mark the story’s sixth anniversary, but since I’ll be working on FLaG Remastered (more on that below) for NaNoWriMo, I can’t guarantee that. If I get that out earlier, that’d be awesome as heck. But just know that I haven’t forgotten about my current longest running story.

On the topic of NaNoWriMo, I have decided to go forward with my plans to make FLaG my project. After debating on the title for ages, I finally decided to come up with a name, which is “For Love and Glory Relance”. The Relance part comes from the French “la relance”, which means “revival”. Out of all the words I could find, I figured that would fit best—not to mention be roll off the tongue easier than the French translation of Remastered! I still have a few ideas with where I would love to go with this remastered project, and similar to BT, I would love to post this story (once it’s been cleaned up, of course) on the original’s fifth anniversary. What said ideas will be, though, will be hidden until the story is officially posted!

Recently, I’ve been in a huge mood for Punkin’ Puss and Mushmouse content, including a little doodle that I’ve posted on my main blog. I’ve been rereading “Temporary Truce”, and I’m thinking that some time next year, once I finish up Big City Tabby, I want to get started on the sequel of this story, titled “A Hillcat’s Requiem”, as soon as possible! I MAY or may not put up a few rewrites of certain scenes from Temporary Truce just to give you an idea of what to expect from the sequel…not to mention to share my improvement as a writer!

I’m planning on updating my accounts soon (I’ve had the same format for the last year, lol!) to make them look better. Obviously not now, but just expect a few changes starting this week!

That’s all I have to share with you all for now! See you all soon!

[biberrymuffin]

I posted 17,138 times in 2022

That's 5,965 more posts than 2021!

18 posts created (0%)

17,120 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@anoddreindeer

@peri

@transbaphomet

@rainbowchibbit

@stemmmm

I tagged 190 of my posts in 2022

#biberrymuffin - 26 posts

#axe talks abt stuff - 24 posts

#toh spoilers - 17 posts

#the owl house spoilers - 15 posts

#reblog - 11 posts

#answer - 7 posts

#text post - 7 posts

#axe talks bout the toonz - 6 posts

#ask meme - 4 posts

#anonymous - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#lol i was so made after two years of going through hoops tryna get on t when my friend told me he just went to planned parenthood and got it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The Kipo soundtrack didn't have to go that hard but they did and I'm OBSESSED.

6 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

#4

See the full post

6 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#3

See the full post

12 notes - Posted August 21, 2022

#2

So, I swore to myself for the longest time that I would never do one of these posts, but I’m a broke college student and I’ve been paying out of pocket and for my medical bills for my HRT all by myself recently and it’s made quite a LARGE dent in my bank account as of late along with tuition. I currently only have 8 or so dollars in my bank account, and have some upcoming fees I need to pay, and until I have access to my college fund (which is on hold due to me recently becoming the shareholder cuz my grandparents were just moved to memory care and can no longer manage the funds) or my next paycheck, I’m in a bit of a bind. You don’t have to donate anything if you don’t want to but anything is appreciated, even the smallest amount, as well as just reblogging this post if you can. Here are my links:

ko-fi.com/axeking

https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/axemcavinue

Again you don’t have to send me anything, but if you can it’s much appreciated. 

36 notes - Posted May 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Baymax: You are getting older. Your body may change, but you will always be you. 

This scene in the Baymax! animated series almost made me cry as a transmasc person. I remember when I got my first period and was so scared and confused, and I wish I had a sweet lil marshmallow robot helper to help me deal with the emotional turmoil I went through. Someone to let me know it was OK if my body was changing, because it was just biology and no matter what I would always be the same person. I think a lot of kids who go through puberty need to hear that message. Not just trans kids or young women. 

I also rewatched Big Hero Six after Baymax! and the movie also mentions masculine puberty. When Baymax first scanned Hiro after Tadashi passed away, he mentioned that Hiro was dealing with mood swings, and that his pituitary gland had increased activity (on his sensors) and had high testosterone levels, GPR54, GnRH, and that his voice was fluctuating. Meaning not only was Hiro dealing with loss, but also puberty which as I am currently going through my own masculine puberty, can be just as confusing and nerve-wracking for guys. 

It just made me realize that we could have gotten an entirely different movie, where the whole time Baymax was trying to help Hiro with his puberty. 

And also how much we need to properly explain puberty to kids and help them cope with these changes, instead of making it out to be a taboo or completely life changing thing. Puberty is a natural part of life, and therefore, should be treated as such. 

Overall, I’m just really glad we got such good representation about this.

150 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[gingeraleluke]

𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗼

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: timothée chalamet x fem!actress!reader

𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀: a part two of the break up + based on the song ‘forget me too’ by machine gun kelly and halsey

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: toxic relationship!!! swearing, alcoholism, panic attacks, smutty! 18+

𝗔/𝗡: a part two was requested by @neptuniees and @f4iryluvy !!

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

10 MONTHS LATER

‘DONT LOOK UP’ CASTING PARTY

“we have cupcakes!”

the image of jennifer lawrence almost tripping as she ran towards the platter of netflix decorated cupcakes, was something that timothée would never be able to forget. he didn’t think he’d make it this far. being in the same room with stars like leonardo dicaprio was a dream to him, but he couldn’t act a fool.

no, he had to keep it all together and impress them. it was the first time that the entire cast would meet (well, most of the cast). most of them hadn’t met before since they didn’t share scenes together, while others had spent the past month shooting together. the whole event was for netflix’s press, but it was also for everyone to get to know eachother. Don’t Look Up was bound to be a huge film, and it was important that they all were aware of the people who made it happen.

timothée didn’t even know that tyler perry was in the film, so when he caught a glimpse of him, he had to keep his hand on the wall to stay upright. after praising meryl streep and cate blanchett for their work, timothée made his way over to one of his hero’s; jonah hill.

how is this even real life?

he and jonah began conversing about their careers; timothée trying his best not to bombard the guy with questions about Superbad, but failing embarrassingly. one thing about timothée chalamet, was that he was always aware of his surroundings. sure, he’d keep eye contact with people, but he’d always do a double take around him every now and then. he didn’t even realize that he did this, thinking it was just a normal habit for people to have. if he wasn’t looking at the person he was talking to, he was either looking around the room or adjusting his tie. as fashionable as the floral tux he had on was, it just wasn’t comfortable.

everyone around him looked like they were on their way to the met gala. tons of fabric and designer purses; he didn’t truly understand why. it was just a get together for the cast. talk to people, eat some dinner and cupcakes, finalize some stuff, take some pictures, and leave. he was planning on wearing just a t shirt, until his stylist stopped him.

i saw you walk in the room

and i tried my best not to panic

as i’m looking for the back door

timothée’s whole body went into shock. at first he thought that y/n had just a really good doppelgänger, but then she spoke. hearing her voice was like an alarm going off in his head.

fuck.

what the fuck is she doing here?!

of course she was in this movie! with my luck.

rubbing his mouth, he tried to think of a way to excuse himself. his eyes were ricocheting off of every part of her body. she wore a baby pink, silk, slip dress and her hair was natural, just how he liked it. the lipstick she wore made her lips look bigger than usual and her skin was glowing. she was ethereal.

“um, excuse me.”

i have to get out of here.

she immediately ran over to meryl, praising her just like timothée had. she didn’t notice timothée staring at her, but unlike him, she knew that he was in this film. she prepared herself hours before hand to see him.

it wasn’t the first time they had seen each other since the oscars. small little run ins had happened from time to time, but they never spoke. while timothée had unfollowed y/n, she continued liking his posts. it felt like she was teasing him. timothée had made a burner account where he would not-at-all-creepily stalk her page. he didn’t realize it while he had her, but he was in love with her. maybe it was because they were both struggling to make it in hollywood; too focused on memorizing lines and gaining followers to really see each other.

he regretted everything he said to her.

yes, she was bat shit crazy at times and would do little things to steal his spotlight, but now that she had her own, maybe it could be different for them. timothée couldn’t get over her. after touching and feeling her body, no one else compared. no one made him orgasm the way she did. no one made him smile the way she did. no one made him as angry as she made him. it was as if all of his senses were on overdrive when they were together, and quite frankly, he missed it.

suddenly, a somewhat drunk jennifer lawrence put her hand on his shoulder. “hey! where are you going? i was looking for you!”

“oh, hi! i was just um— i don’t really feel well.”

“oh, nonsense, you look great!” she walked him back towards the middle table where y/n and meryl were speaking, making their way to the cupcakes.

“oops, sorry!” jennifer, being the klutz she was, accidentally knocked into y/n.

y/n looked over, her face lifting and her eyes glowing as she placed a hand to her chest. “no, what an honor! i mean, jennifer lawrence bumping into you, that you don’t hear much of, hi!”

the girls hugged before she finally noticed timothée’s presence. she looked into his eyes briefly and looked over his body before turning back to jennifer.

she’s teasing me, isn’t she.

i smelled the perfume

and it’s obvious i’m gonna stay

and put the key in the bag more

“timothée, where are you going?” y/n spoke.

he almost didn’t recognize her voice. the confidence it held was natural and unheard of. it almost intimidated him.

she’s talking to me?

fuck.

“oh, uh.” don’t stutter. it makes you seem nervous. “i forgot that i had something i wanted to ask jonah.”

“oh, well you can ask jonah later! there’s plenty of time! plus, we don’t know how much longer these cupcakes will be available. they are almost all gone!” meryl said. she lightly motioned timmy over towards where y/n stood. he could feel the older woman’s hand placed on his back.

y/n couldn’t stop the smirk that appeared on her face. meryl stopped pushing him, causing him to somewhat lose his grip on his feet. he jolted forwards, as if he was shoved, and almost— almost — crashed into y/n. he could smell her perfume, the fruity one she would always wear. it smelled more expensive this time, the rhubarb and narcissus overcoming his senses as he slowly melted into her. a playful look was in her eyes and her orbs never left his. he nervously backed away from her and watched her pick a cupcake up off of the tray.

“yeah, you heard her. we have cupcakes.” she unwrapped the paper and looked back up at him before biting into it. she sucked the vanilla frosting off of her finger and hummed. “mm, this is really good, meryl, you should try some!”

meryl walked over and picked one up, “what flavor would you like, timothée?”

“he likes strawberry.” his eyes moved back to y/n’s with the speed of light. she handed him a strawberry cupcake and licked the frosting off of the side of her hand.

what is she doing?

timothée didn’t expect her to even talk to him, forget reveal what kind of cupcakes he likes. “oh, have you two met before?”

timothée pressed his molars together and prepared to object, until y/n spoke up again. “you could say that.”

i can’t i can’t i can’t

pretend to forget you’re the reason

i punched a hole in the wall back home

“oh! well, i’ll leave you two to catch up.” she excused herself. when timothée turned back around to face his ex, she was already making her way upstairs. the image of her walking up the staircase almost felt like a dream.

he followed after her, and grabbed her arm once they reached the hallway. they were alone now.

“what was that?”

“what was what?”

“why- why are you doing this?” timothée shook his head.

“okay, i’m gonna need you to be a little more clear—“

“pretending! acting like you don’t know me one minute and then you know me the other! there are old pictures of us together! they will find them or you’re gonna slip up and people will think that you’re a liar or be suspicious of us.”

“oh, there’s an us now?” her face was cocky and unamused while timothée’s was clearly confused and anxious. his eyes darted between hers before he spoke.

“what story are we sticking with, then?”

“what story do you remember us as?” y/n tilted her head, looking up at him. their voices were a mere whisper, not wanting people to hear them.

timothée typed a reply, his fingers moving faster than he could even think. it was as if words were flowing right out of him and the angrer that y/n served him was just fuel for his machinery bones to take out on her. he didn’t care.

he wasn’t sure why he was so angry. he was almost upset, even. he had known about the things she had done for a while now, so it wasn’t that. he couldn’t be sad about ending things, he didn’t even like her.

right?

he twiddled his thumbs and pressed send on the message, not caring enough to read it over.

…this is the last message i’ll ever send you. i know we’ve been through a lot, which is why i’m surprised that this is so easy for me. i should probably feel bad about us ending, but in all honesty, i’m not. i wish i could say that i loved you, or that i cared, or that i’d even give a damn if you were here. but, you’re gone. so, we spent all this time apart, while im busy filming, and i feel like you only cling to me when the cameras are on. like even though i’m a thousand miles away, you couldn’t care less. now, knowing all of the shit that you did, it’s come to the point where all i can say is, fuck you. you’re right, i’m a player. but you can’t keep lying to yourself. i am everything that you wanted, but you’re scared. i’m sick of being the victim to your fake love and i honestly hope that i never fucking see you again….

“look,” timothée looked down at their feet, breaking eye contact, “all i know is that i don’t want to pretend. i don’t want to act like nothing happened.”

y/n looked at him and chuckled to herself, coldly, turning around to walk away. “no!” he grabbed her wrist, roughly.

“don’t you dare minimize this. yes, i was mean and a fucking idiot, but don’t act like everything we did never happened. like everything you did never happened. i have holes of drywall to prove it.” he spat. y/n’s eyes went soft and for a second, he thought they might have glossed over.

“look, you ended it, so just forget about me.” she turned away, reaching the end of the hall, when timmy called out once again.

“you want me to forget you? okay! forget me too!” he shouted, definitely loud enough for the people downstairs to hear. she paced towards him, shushing him harshly.

“shhh! shut the fuck up! what are you talking about?”

“i know that you still look me up on instagram. that you like my posts and comment stupid little fire emojis here and there, yet pretend to act as if i don’t exist in real life—“

“YOU-“ she quieted herself down before continuing. “you told me to never contact you again, timothée. i was just doing what you wanted. i’m not so sure why a fucking fire emoji is getting so under your skin. i mean, if anything, you are the one acting like nothing ever happened. unfollowing me and blocking my number.” the two were close, their chests almost touching.

“that’s not pretending, it’s called moving on.”

“oh, fuck you— you think i didn’t try moving on?! unlike you, i actually fucking loved you, timothée. i loved you. i took you for granted, sure, but my feelings were real. god, i thought we were gonna get married someday!”

his stomach dropped. he didn’t know that.

y/n’s eyes were teary as she angrily wiped her eyes, careful not to mess up her makeup. “i-i get so jealous seeing you make out with people on screen. all i can think is how you felt when you touched me, when i touched you, and it drives me insane. it’s to the point where i can barely touch another guy without comparing him to you.”

he knew it wasn’t the right time or place to ask the question, but he couldn’t help it. it was clouding his mind.

“do you think of me when you touch yourself?”

his words were sudden, so uncalculated, yet smooth. she wasn’t even sure if she heard him right. he looked down her body as he waited for an answer.

“do you?” she asked. the two of them looked at each other, mentally undressing the other while they were overcome with lust. she watched his adam apple bobble as he gulped and immediately.

“y/n, answer the question-“

“you answer first.” she stepped closer to him.

and then and then

and then a couple hours later

we’re in room 29 at the chateau

“y/n, if you say yes to the question, i’m not gonna be able to keep my hands off of you.” his fingertips grazed her hips, the coolness of the silk dress, exciting him. she leaned up and spoke into his mouth, “yes.”

their lips locked, moaning quietly into eachother as his fingers slid quickly up her dress. it was fast, hurried as if someone would walk in and stop them any minute. she gripped his hair, her legs wobbling as he pushed her panties to the side and entered her with his fingers.

“so fucking sexy, just how i remember.” his words made her knees buckle even more, making him lift her legs up and wrap around him, sideways. the position was weird and uncomfortable, but he wanted to make her cum, right then and there. “i’m not stopping until you’re dripping all over the hallway.”

she nibbled his ear as he kissed and licked at her neck, his knuckles burried deep inside of her. “fuck, i can see your nipples through your dress.”

y/n moaned, a little too loudly, and timothée pulled her panties back up. “i’m getting us a room so i can fuck you properly without you traumatizing leonardo dicaprio and cate blanchett downstairs.”

he dropped to his knees and peeled up her dress, his hot breath hitting her clothed clit, making her jolt. “what a pretty present for me.” he held the hem of her pink and white lace panties before kissing the cloth on her body and walking away.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

i need to leave.

timothée fought with himself, figuring out what the best option would be for the both of them. her body was limp and faced towards him, in a deep slumber.

fuck, why did i do this?

at the time, it felt right, but now? timothée was feeling all kinds of feelings and he wasn’t sure what to do with it. having sex with her felt like he just threw everything away.

and the worst part?

he wasn’t even drunk.

he felt himself slip into a whirlwind of shame and regret for doing this— exactly what he said he wouldn’t do. timothée had a hard time adjusting to the celebrity lifestyle, and sometimes the only thing that would help was getting drunk. it had gotten bad, though.

timothée and y/n would fight about him constantly drinking, one of the reasons why they weren’t truly happy together. he would always walk on eggshells, sneak vodka out from the cabinets and chug as much as he could before brushing his teeth to keep her from smelling it on him.

i left before you woke up

i don’t feel right

seeing you sober

he watched her turn over, her back towards him now as he quickly and carefully slipped out from under the covers. timothée rummaged around and picked his clothes off of the ground, getting dressed, making a note to leave on the nightstand. he sent one last look her way and then closed the door.

expecting to feel the warmth of timothée’s body, y/n rolled over and reached out. her arm was covered in a bittering cold, signaling her former lovers absence.

“tim—“ she saw the window of chateau, warm colored trees in the distance with the blistering hot sun shining through at her. her heart dropped and she felt used.

he left?

after everything we’ve been through, i’m just a one night stand?

she felt her eyes start to water.

i’m such an idiot.

she zoned out and stared at the wall of the room for a few moments before her eyes drifted over to a note on the bedside table.

𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚡

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

2 MONTHS LATER

3 HOURS UNTIL Y/N’S MOVIE PREMIERE

i’ve wasted so much time

waiting around for your

phone calls every night

“god, where the FUCK is he?!” y/n borderline screamed as she tossed her phone across her bedroom, landing on her bed.

“y/n! hey, calm down. it’s okay.” selena spoke, leaping over to quickly grab her friends phone and go back to comfort her.

y/n and selena were costars in a new netflix film. she was a huge fan of her music and was super nervous to meet her, but they clicked and have best friends ever since. she looked up to selena like a mentor or an older sister.

she ranted about timothée to her multiple times. selena already knowing timothée from filming with him, was shocked, yet upset that they weren’t together.

after their hookup, she received those calls from timmy like he promised. they had hung out multiple times since and have started to rekindle their love. while timothée hasn’t been vocal about his feelings towards her, he has been physical. he abruptly stopped talking to her. no more nighttime calls, no more parking lot hook ups. it had been nine days since they last spoke.

she was scared to say anything. scared that he would think she’s clingy and run away again, so instead she would lay on her bed with no background noise and wait for the phone calls that never came.

he swore that he would show up at the premiere for her new film. that they could make their weird romance public and hold hands on the red carpet together, but alas, it’s been hours and he hasn’t showed.

fuck.

my bad dreams are silk screened

cause i taste blood when you bleed

it’s eating me alive

instead of being mad, y/n was worried. she felt the familiar buzzing sensation in the pit of her stomach as her face grew hot. selena had her hand on her shoulder, yet y/n couldn’t feel it.

“hey, are you okay?” she got lost in her brown eyes, before shaking her head and standing up.

“hey! careful.” selena steadied her wobbling feet. “y/n? what’s wrong?”

we’d both be better off alone

still think i’d get you on the phone

she grabbed her phone from selena’s hand and contemplated texting him again.

NO, y/n.

he’s not going to answer.

she knows how timothée can be. he gets so in his head and overthinks everything to the point where he cuts people off. she imagined himself drinking to death in some cracked out bar, and her heartbeat sped up.

god, i’m gonna get in so much trouble for this..

with one last breath in me

i’d die before i let you leave

“y/n?”

“i’m sorry.”

“what? why?”

“i can’t go.”

“what?!” selena snapped, shocked at her words.

“i have to go find him, sel. he might be hurt—“

“y/n, he’s a fucking idiot! you can’t leave, the premiere starts in less than three hours!”

“i have to!” the makeup artists watched her get up and leave, grabbing a jacket as she ran outside in the rain.

you left before i woke up

why don’t i ever

see you sober?

thank god her dress was short. the jacket she wore was a trench coat that covered her whole body and kept the dress from getting too wet. she didn’t know where exactly she was going, she just knew that she needed a ride.

finding her car, she zoomed off towards timothée’s place, praying that he would be safe there. she was so scared that he would get alcohol poisoning or that his organs would shut down. there were so many instances when she would have to take him to the doctors because he drank so much and she still has nightmares to this day about it.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

“timothée?”

she slowed her car down at the sight of him standing in an open garage attached to his place. the rain dripped down from the floor as he stood in the shade, his hair slightly damp. he was surrounded by tools and had his headphones hanging around his neck, standing there and looking at his feet.

“tim!” she yelled, slamming the car door and running to him. when she stepped into the driveway, she saw what he was wearing and her heart fluttered.

a soaking wet dress shirt and a tie.

“you were gonna go…” her voice was soft as she spoke. his eyes never left the floor.

you want me to forget you

okay forget me too

“what happened?”

“it broke.” a shattered lightbulb laid at his feet, shards of glass on the dirty cement.

“well, let me get it—“ she went to pick it up when he smacked her arm.

“no! just forget me.” he looked as if he was going to cry. timothée’s eyes were sunken and his face was pale.

“what? wh-“ she stepped over the glass and grabbed onto his shoulders, trying to maintain eye contact with him. “what are you talking about?”

“just forget it. forget about me…everything that we were.”

you tell me you hate me baby

yeah i bet you do

the paint of composure started to slowly chip away as y/n grew frustrated.

“what are you fucking serious? you really want me to just forget you?—“

“yes!”

“okay, then forget me too!” y/n lip started to quiver lightly and her feet were tired from running.

i’m keeping you waiting

but i won’t wait on you

you want me to forget you

okay forget me too

“what are you talking about—“

“you tell me that you want me to just forget about you and move on but then you fucking sleep with me the second you see me again?! you tell me that we can work this out and that we can go public but then you get too fucking in your head to actually do something about it! you approached me, timmy! you can yell and swear and call me a bitch and tell me how much you can’t stand me, but your actions show the complete opposite! you can hate me all you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that you still love me and that i love you too. so, sure. i’ll forget you and everything that happened, but you have to forget me too.” y/n huffed, breathing so heavily that her chest was heaving up and down. she quickly wiped any tears that may have fell and looked at timothée before speaking.

hey you

tell me why you do the things that make me

hate you?

“why, why are you like this?” she put her hands on the sides of his face. the two of them looked deep into one another, they shoes basically touching. “why do you try to push me away? you feed me this façade that you want me to believe is you, but it’s not. i know the real you— i’ve seen it!”

it’s an emotional kaleidoscope when i

face you

“i’ll wait. im-i’ll wait until you are settled down. when you don’t have so much going on and when you feel like you can actually be in a relationship. i’ll wait for you.” timothée put a finger up to her lips to silence her. something that would be entirely cringy if it wasn’t for their circumstances.

“i do love you. i don’t think i’m ready to make it public, but i do want us to be the real deal. i want us to live together and to be together. i want to be your only boyfriend and you my only girlfriend, y/n. i want that.”

“really?”

“really.” as y/n smiled so big that her cheeks hurt, timmy bend down and kissed her. she tangled her hands into his wet hair, knowing that they just took a step in the right direction.

permanent calligraphy

i just tattooed

your name on me forever

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

@neptuniees @rxomi @theeblackbarbiesworld

[strawwritesfic]

Yuki Sohma x Female!Reader: For the Moment

Summary: Sometimes it takes the chaos to hear the silence again.

Fic Trade Prompt: "Silent Snow”

Rating/Warnings/Tags: All (Christmas; Post-Curse!Yuki Sohma; Not Sohma!Reader; past!Yuki/Machi; not Anti-Machi; Ayame/Mine; Kakeru/Komaki; Hatori/Mayuko; Kakeru & Yuki; Ayame & Yuki)

Tag List: @imaginesfire​

Notes: This is obviously meant to be post-series, but I didn’t really take into account his “brawler” personality that developed toward the end there. Also: I love Machi, and any negative comments about her will be met with my face going >:( 

For the Moment

It was the night before Christmas and all through the flat, two creatures were stirring–especially the rat. When Yuki disappeared shortly after picking you up from work, you expected him to be in the bath, trying to warm up after so much time spent out in the snow. You found him, however, in the living room, hanging up stockings. Behind him stood the twinkling Christmas tree, already ornamented; next to him sat a stack of (badly) wrapped presents.

“Busy while I was out?” you asked after you had taken all of this in.

“I just thought it would be a nice surprise for when you got home.” Yuki sat back to admire his handwork on the stockings. “I picked up the cake as well.”

“Huh. Sounds like there’s not much more for me to do.” 

With that, you collapsed gratefully onto the couch. Even after having lived with Yuki for the past four months and finding that his family was more than willing to pay all the rent, you still couldn’t bring yourself to quit your cruddy retail job. It would have to do until you graduated–though the holiday rush was causing you to rethink this plan. You couldn’t ever remember being so tired before.

As your eyes drifted shut, Yuki hummed in agreement. The cushion next to you shifted, and then you felt Yuki’s hands gently shifting you so that you were leaning against him. 

“Still upset that we didn’t go visit my family for Christmas?” he asked you.

You could hardly believe that he was bringing up your stupid almost-fight. Did you appear at all as though you were in the mood to berate him at that moment? Maintaining consciousness was difficult enough. 

“You just don’t want me to meet that ex-girlfriend of yours you have all those pictures of,” you said.

To your surprise, Yuki chuckled. Though he certainly wasn’t as quiet as he’d been when you’d met him in your first business course two years back, the fact that he thought something funny enough to laugh like that had you opening your eyes.

“Tohru was never anything more than a friend,” Yuki said with such a sweet smile that you wished you hadn’t brought up the matter to begin with. “I merely thought it would be nice to make our own Christmas traditions.”

He had such a weird way of saying nice things when you least expected them. Staring at him probably only made your embarrassment more evident; you had to cover by snorting and settling back onto his chest. 

“I hope you’re okay with our Christmas traditions involving me falling asleep on top of you,” you said.

The gentle fingers in your hair were answer enough. “I don’t mind. The quiet is nice.”

Perhaps if Yuki hadn’t said that, the scene that followed would never have happened. Almost before he had finished voicing the sentiment, someone began to pound on the door. He disentangled his hands from your hair.

“I wonder who that could be,” he said as he got to his feet. “I told Kakeru not to come.”

Woe be unto Kakeru had he chosen to go against Yuki’s expressed wishes of being left alone on Christmas. It didn’t seem like Komaki would allow Kakeru to go over Yuki’s head, but you were well enough acquainted with the couple to know that she wasn’t always able to restrain him. You were so confident that whoever it was at the door would be expelled, in fact, that your only response was to roll over and try to go back to sleep.

“What’s this? Is [Name] such a child at heart that she goes to sleep early on Christmas Eve to expedite the arrival of Santa Claus?” 

That voice. You knew that voice. Your eyes popped open, and you flipped over to see, to your horror, Yuki’s older brother standing in the living room. 

“But Yuki!” Ayame cried. “You did not tell me how whimsical your girlfriend was!”

“Ayame, what are you doing here?” Yuki demanded, rounding the corner with Mine in tow. He looked much more upset than he would have had the visitors actually turned out to be Kakeru and Komaki–and with good reason. “I told you not come!”

“I know that, Yuki, but I also know what a lonely Christmas it would have been for you and [Name] if you’d really had to spend it alone.”

“Let me guess.” Already Yuki looked as tired as you felt, and his brother hadn’t even been there for ten minutes. “Everyone else in the family had plans that didn’t involve you.”

A very long pause followed this statement. Then, Ayame beamed. “Don’t be silly, Yuki! I will have you know that there are only three men in the entire world that would go to such lengths to spend Christmas with their brothers–I, of course, being first among them.”

Yuki only frowned.

“We tried to visit Hatori and Mayu’s,” Mine whispered, holding a finger up to her lips, “but Hatori slammed the door shut on us.”

“Did he,” Yuki stated. 

Ignoring this, Ayame threw himself on the couch next to you. You opened your mouth to tell him to get the hell away, but he interrupted you by slapping his palms several times against his legs.

“Come, come! It was a rather long trip, you know. It would be polite in this situation for the woman of the house to offer refreshment to her guests.”

“Ayame…” Yuki began in a sigh. Too bad for him that he had missed his chance to smooth things over.

“Hey,” you said. 

Ayame didn’t react. 

“Hey, you. You with the stupid hair. I don’t cook.”

He ignored your jab at his hair and, blinking, said, “Still? I would have thought Yuki would have tamed you in the months it has been since our last meeting.”

“I. Don’t. Cook.”

“Well, why don’t you at least try?”

“Ayame,” Yuki said, more sternly.

“What? Is this another situation like Tohru’s? Do you expect me to take [Name] out for a meal as well?”

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea,” you said shortly.

“Whyever not? After all, I have decided to forgive you for taking the place of Machi as Yuki’s beloved in his heart.”

“Gee, thanks,” you said through your teeth. You’d never met Machi, but given the constant asides you got about not matching up to her when Yuki’s brother was around, you were seriously starting to dislike the girl. 

Yuki must have sensed this, because he rapidly attempted to change the subject: “So how is work at the store?” he asked Mine. “Are you busier than normal?”

“Yes, of course!” She lifted a large piece of fabric you had assumed to be her coat. “I brought some projects along so we don’t get behind during vacation.”

Yuki appeared very relieved. “So that’s not something to forcibly change [Name] into?”

“What?” you asked, but no one heard.

“Don't be silly,” Mine sang. “[Name] isn’t as cute as Tohru or Machi! Dressing her up would be a waste.”

Quite abruptly, you got your feet. The other three in the room fell silent. You didn’t bother to answer their unasked questions as you began to traipse toward the door–at least not until Ayame decided to speak up:

“Good heavens. Could it be you’re going to get food since you are so adverse to the idea of preparing it?”

“I just need a breath of fresh air,” you snapped, threw the door open, and shut it behind you before he could say anything to make you angrier. 

Outside, you could no longer hear his voice. All was silent and dark. Everyone else in the apartment complex, it seemed, was inside, enjoying their loved ones or a nap. Lucky them. Once Ayame decided to stay, he normally didn’t leave until Hatori came looking for him. For once, you could actually look forward to your hectic work schedule, as it would get you out of the house more often.

You felt bad, knowing that you had left Yuki inside to deal with his relatives on his own. He said that his relationship with his brother had only improved in the past few years, but they still clashed frequently enough. Still, Yuki was not the one constantly being compared to women he had never met or being told that he wasn’t good enough for his significant other–an idea you heard fairly often anyway, considering that most people at the school thought Yuki far too rich and beautiful to date someone like you.

Your bitter musings were interrupted by the door nearby opening. You spun quickly on the spot, preparing to run if it was either Mine or Ayame. The worry was needless; Yuki stepped out and closed the door behind him.

“You forgot your coat,” he said as he offered it to you. “And your shoes.”

“Oh,” you said. “Sorry.”

Unsure of what to say in the way of an apology for your recent tantrum, you simply took the coat and shrugged it on. 

Yuki continued to look upset. “You’re not going to leave, are you?”

“To go get food for that guy? Fat chance.”

Yuki blinked. “No, I meant–Ayame didn’t put you off of me forever?”

It was your turn to blink. “What? No! I just–I need a warning whenever Ayame is going to come around so I can mentally prepare.”

“I don’t think I can promise that.”

“I know.” 

You sighed wistfully and stared off into the distance. The apartment complex had transformed into a wonderland of sorts, dark with squares of light shining from each room and snow falling quietly down all around you.

“[Name], I’m sorry. Ayame means well. He just doesn't know how to express it. And I don’t think you’re worth less than Tohru or Machi. They’re both very good people, but I’m not dating them. I’m dating you.”

You nodded. Suddenly your throat felt tight and your eyes felt as though they were burning. God, if you cried and Ayame walked in on it, you would have to punch him to save face.

“I’m sorry,” Yuki said again, “for ruining your Christmas.”

“Eh?” 

You looked wildly up and around at Yuki. His eyes were focused quite firmly on the ground beneath his feet. To get his attention, you grabbed his hand with one of yours. 

“Christmas isn’t ruined. In fact, I bet this is the best Christmas I’ve ever had, even if Ayame does decide to stay half a month,” you said.

“But he’s so loud.”

“It’s quiet out here.” 

Still looking at you, Yuki cocked his head. For the moment, all was silent but for the gentle hissing of the snow as it melted against the hall floor. Even that slowly dissipated as the flakes began to pile up against one another. Yuki smiled.

“That’s true. And it’s definitely not quiet inside.” He squeezed your hand before adding, “I know getting food for them is a hassle, but I bet there’s no one else out for a walk right now. Want to pick something up so we can stay outside a little longer?”

You squeezed his hand in reply. “I’d like that.”

“I’ll go get your shoes.” 

Before ducking back inside, Yuki pressed a quick kiss to your cheek. It did not take long for him to return, likely because he had refused to explain your disappearance or need for shoes to his guests. You pulled your boots on equally fast, then allowed him to hold your hand again as the two of you set off. The snow that continued to fall was perfectly silent.

[phoenixtakaramono]

I gave into temptation and liked and retweeted The Boys S4 promo posters, etc 😔 this doesn’t help the recommended period of inactivity where Twitter unshadowbans your account but what’s one more week of inactivity there?

At this point, it’s already been two times X has put my account on Search Suggestion Ban immediately again after retweeting/ liking/ or posting something 😑 I have accepted my fate. At the very least for logged in users, you can access the threadfics so that’s the silver lining. I’ve also seen people liking, commenting, and retweeting some of my things there which makes me happy because supposedly engagement will help. I’m in the process of looking for more accounts to follow since that apparently also plays into the Twt AI deciding if I’m a spam bot account.

I’m gonna give it one more week of inactivity to see just in case the last search suggestion ban does lift again (🙄). But I have pretty much accepted my fate that my account is probably gonna be forever Search Suggestion Banned. You’ll just have to log in to be able to see my content there.

We’re gonna do one more test where I’m gonna tweet Part III of the Sugar Baby AU threadfic (likely 25-50 tweets update)—and see if that lands me in hot water again. If it doesn’t, good; we’ll continue as usual. If not, whelp, “porting to AO3 time as part of a series earlier than I’d planned to” we go.

Expect the threadfic update^ sometime around the week of 11/17-11/26.

Lastly, the next work of mine to be updated will be Truce ch3. I’m gonna spend maybe 1 more week or 2 of my writing break to catch up on reading a fellow writer friend’s work as a lil comment exchange we promised each other (you know who you are 🥰) and maybe 1 other writer’s work if they publish their last chapter within this period of time (you also know who you are 😘), but after my break is over I’ll resume writing Truce. Sneak peeks will be posted here & twitter.

I think I have PTSD from the page count from the previous chapter /hj. It’s just something about writing in Billy’s POV that makes me unintentionally write longer than expected (he’s toppled Luo Binghe’s crown of the ML Who’s Made This Author Spit Blood at the Final Pagecount Just Because the Chapter is in His POV). And ch3, surprise surprise, is gonna be in Billy’s POV again. It’s also literally my favorite chapter because we have an Outerspace “Date” (it’s a satire of Superman/ Lois Lane; this scene may or may not also be illustrated depending on my mood), a chapter illustration for the official NS/FW First Time Together for our lads, and the “twist” with the bombastic ending of ch3 where Billy joins the Seven.

My hope is that Truce remains 4 chapters only—but it depends on the final pagecount per chapter. *knocks on wood 3x*

I’m gonna try to update ch3 by the time the Christmas holiday rolls around, if not then it’s the New Year like we had for the previous chapter. The reason being: I have two new scenes that have to be added to ch3 and I’m putting in perhaps a couple kernels of S4 things. If I can keep Part II to below 113 pages, it will be a gosh darn miracle—but we’re gonna try. I’ll keep y’all updated on the status, especially when I start writing again.

[asgardwinter]

A Promise Sealed With Light

summary | It was news to him, having someone around that came up with such things as plans for the future.

pairing | Loki x Reader

warnings | fluff, a sprinkle of angst because Loki is a bit insecure about it all, immortal!reader because it would be too sad

word count | 865

author’s note | the last fic of the year! weird to think i wasn't here last year writing like this... but anyways, I wish a great 2022 to whoever read this (and who doesn’t too, we all deserve a good year after all) and I hope things get better for you if they aren’t and if they are good I hope they stay this way 💕

ps: I just needed to use another gif from the firework scene…

➳ sorry about this morning to everyone that got the notification and started reading, I posted it on accident and it wasn't ready 🥲

Loki Laufeyson Masterlist | Taglist | The Holiday Collection 🎄

With ten minutes to the new year you couldn’t find Loki anywhere.

You’d say the party had been okay, if you account for Tony's excitement for New Year since the Christmas party was banned nothing incredibly crazy had happened. Loki was by your side the whole night and you talked to him most of the time, the place by the bar on the hidden corner perfect for judging people’s clothes choice and drinking a bit more than you would on a normal occasion.

But maybe it wasn’t so right if Loki decided to vanish from there. You were on your second time looking at a dark corridor from the tower when you finally saw the long raven hair you could recognize anywhere.

“Where were you? I looked for you everywhere!” You said coming closer to where he sat on the floor. “Is everything okay?”

He shifted his gaze from the wall to acknowledge your presence. “More than fine, it was a lovely night.” Loki said and it intrigued you even more.

“So may I ask you why you decided to cut it short?” You sat by his side, head leaning on his shoulder to try and show you were there for him, that he could talk to you about whatever was going on up in his head. “The night is not over yet.”

He confessed the problem after some time. "It is overwhelming."

“What is overwhelming?”

“All those people couldn’t stop talking about the future for one moment, thinking about it all the time.” Loki tried to explain himself. “I don’t like to think about my future.”

“I never enjoyed it either. When you live as much as we do, these kinds of plans become meaningless.” You agreed, almost sure that Loki once said something very similar to you as you walked around the library. “But you changed it for me.”

It was all you needed to make him shift by your side and you were sure he was looking at you confused. “Care to elaborate?”

“Do I need to?” The huff that came out of his mouth was everything you needed to know, it made you let a small giggle just before continuing. “I love you. I see you in my future. I love thinking about my future if you’re going to be there.”

Such a simple logic that almost made his heart explode because you could see him in your future, you didn’t plan to leave anytime soon. That almost made his fears of you waking up and seeing the truth in him go away. Almost.

Because how could he trust that, out of nowhere, he deserved such happiness?

Shouting could be heard from the hall where the party took place. The countdown had started.

Ten… Nine… Eight… Seven… Six… Five… Four… Three… Two… One…

Happy New Year!

Fireworks lighted the sky, anyone would know by the stroundous sound even if you were too far from a window to see. With that chaos far away you stayed there, in silence and trying to see the best way to make the god of lies believe your words.

“I don’t know how to make you believe me, Loki.” You started, turning to look into his eyes. “So I’ll do this.”

The last thing he expected after those words was a kiss.

It was more of a peck on his lips, the moment he went to turn that into a real kiss you pulled away. If he had success all the words would disappear from your head and you needed to continue.

“I’m here kissing you on the New Year because I want to be with you this year. All of it.” You said it in such a soft but serious tone. It was a promise. “And since you don’t buy my really long term plans that involve what mortals would call eternity, I’m going to do the same next year to spend it with you. And the other one. And one more. I’ll do it until you get tired of me because I won’t get tired of you. I love you and that’s final for me.”

Getting Loki to the point he couldn’t talk, just keep looking at you, was something rare but in that moment you were afraid of his next actions. What if all the doubts were still unmoved? What if you couldn’t reassure him, not even a little? All of your uncertainties went away when he kissed you, mirroring your actions and pulling away just seconds after.

“I’ll remember this promise.” Loki warned.

“As you should.”

Your noses touching made you distracted until he decided to speak again. “You’re missing the fireworks.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Well, since we’re on the ‘planning our future’ page, may I cross one out of my list?” Loki said and waited until you nodded for him. “I hope you like our personal light show, my love.” He opened the palm of his hand and the prettiest, tiniest and most colorful fireworks you’ve ever seen exploded in front of you.

“Wow.”

“That’s my part of the promise.” He whispered against your ear, making you laugh and snug in the crook of his neck to admire the magical moment.

Taglists

Everything: @writing-for-marvel @ju5tyna20

Loki Laufeyson: @emi11ie @hiddlesinner @i-stand-with-loki @darkacademicfrom2021

[storiesforallfandoms]

the only one for me ~ machine gun kelly

word count: 1493

request?: yes!

“MGK Fluff ??”

description: the endless dating rumors regarding her boyfriend start to get to her

pairing: machine gun kelly x female!reader

warnings: swearing, insecurities

masterlist (one, two)

Logging onto Twitter and seeing yet another dating rumor regarding my boyfriend and some famous, beautiful female was basically a daily routine at this point. It seemed to be nothing new, but that didn’t make it hurt any less every time I saw a new post about it.

The latest rumored lady to have “stolen Colson’s heart” was Megan Fox, who had starred in Colson’s latest music video. The article I was reading stated how much chemistry Colson and Megan had on set and how it was “so obvious” that they had a secret romance happening behind the scenes.

I wasn’t hurt because I believed the rumors. I trusted Colson. I knew he’d never cheat on me, but seeing all these beautiful women and seeing his fans and media outlets commenting on how cute he would look with someone else so much prettier than me really did nothing for my confidence.

I wasn’t famous, I was just your average girl who worked an average hob and went to school on the side. Due to this, Colson and I decided to keep our relationship a secret so I wouldn’t be harassed by paparazzi and fans. I appreciated the privacy I had been getting, but it did make it hard to see all these dating rumors.

This rumor got to me in a way the others hadn’t before and I had an overwhelming urge to call Colson. He was probably asleep or preparing for the show that night, but I needed to hear his voice.

I was shocked when he answered on the third ring. “Hey babe!”

I could hear a crowd on his end of the call. “Hey! What’s all the noise?”

“We’re celebrating before I go on stage.”

“Before?” I asked, teasingly. “What are you guys celebrating?”

“The Bloody Valentine video hit a million views in less than 24 hours! None of my videos have ever done that before, so we’re celebrating.”

“Oh my God, Colson that’s amazing! Congratulations!”

Someone called out to Colson on his end. I could hear him responding, but his response was muffled as I realized the voice was a female voice.

“Is that...is that Megan?” I asked.

“Yeah! We invited her since she’s the leading lady of the video.” Another comment was made by Megan, to which Colson said to me, “She says hi!”

I couldn’t respond. I could feel tears starting to well up in my eyes and I was afraid Colson would hear my voice breaking if I spoke. Instead, I managed to squeak out a “gotta go” before hanging up.

~~~~~~

As I expected, there were articles published about the video celebration, specifically about Colson and Megan. A handful of pictures were taken outside wherever the celebration was taking place of Colson and Megan laughing as he puffed on a joint. The captions posted under this picture from numerous sites and fan pages were all the same: “look how cute Megan and Colson are!”

I had to go offline for a while because I was getting more upset than I had before.

It seemed like Colson didn’t notice as much as I did, so I never really brought the issue up. I didn’t want him to think he couldn’t be friends with women, or think of me as a jealous girlfriend or anything.

But I knew he could tell something was off. He kept trying to coax it out of me, but I wouldn’t budge. I figured he would grow tired of my refusal and would let it go. The last thing I expected was to come home from work one day and find Colson waiting for me in my apartment.

“Hey!” I said when I found him sat in my living room. “What are you doing here?”

“We have a few days before the next show, so I asked to come home before then,” he said. “I wanted to talk to you.”

The six worst words to ever hear. I felt my worry rise as I approached him and sat next to him on the couch.

“What’s on your mind lately?” he asked. “I know you keep saying it’s nothing, but I can tell it’s not nothing. I’m worried about you, babe. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

I looked down at my lap as I shrugged. “It’s nothing. Just work and school, I guess.”

“Is this about Megan?”

For some reason, hearing him say her name felt like I was being stabbed through the heart. I had to bite my lip to try and hold back my tears.

“When you hung up so suddenly during the video celebration, I realized something was up,” he said. “And then you started deleting your social media accounts, or making them private, and you were acting different. It all started that night. If it’s because we invited Megan to the party, I’m sorry if that upset you. There was no underlying meanings behind inviting her, it was just because she was in the video and we decided she should be at the celebration.”

“It’s not because she was there!” I finally snapped, unable to hold myself back. “I don’t care if you’re friends with Megan, or with any woman, but I do care that everyone thinks you’re dating every female who so much as breathes in your direction. And it really doesn’t help my self-esteem to see people saying how happy you look or how cute you’d look with someone who is, like, a million times prettier than me.”

“Babe, that’s not true,” he said. “I mean, I’ve seen the rumors about me and Megan, but it’s not all the women I’m friends with - ”

I laughed, humorlessly. “No, not all of them. Just Chantal and Noah and Ash and Sommer and now Megan. So no, not all of them, just most of them.”

I could see the gears turning in Colson’s head as he thought about it. Maybe he didn’t see the same stuff I did, maybe I just saw more because of how insecure it made me. But those rumors were there, and they had been nearly our entire relationship.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I never realized...I don’t attention to shit like that. I never thought much about the way I acted around my female friends.”

“You treat them the way you treat the boys,” I said. “I’ve seen how you are with Ash, the two of you are just friends. But people don’t believe that men and women can just be friends so when they see men and women acting as friends, they assume that means they’re dating. There’s nothing you can really do about it.”

Colson put a hand on mine and gave it a squeeze. “You don’t believe any of that shit though, right? You know it’s all media bullshit.”

I nodded. “Yeah, of course I do. I know you’d never cheat on me. I trust you so much.”

“And you can’t possibly believe that they’re any more beautiful than you are.”

I chuckled. “Okay, that one I can’t agree to considering the person you’re currently in a dating rumor with is Megan fucking Fox. I mean, have you seen her? She’s the most beautiful woman in the world!”

“Not to me she’s not.”

I looked away from him again, feeling my cheeks heat up and a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. “You don’t mean that.”

“Of course I do.” I felt his finger gently touch my chin, lifting my head so I would look at him. “(Y/N), I hope you know you mean the world to me. You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever known, and you own my heart. You’re the only one for me and I love you more than words could ever say. I’m sorry you’ve had to witness all these stupid rumors, and I’m sorry I never noticed them so I could assure you of all of this sooner. But I mean it, you’re everything to me. I love you so much.”

The tears I had been holding back for so long finally started to fall down my cheeks. I awkwardly laughed as I tried to wipe them away, but they just kept coming. “That was so cliche.”

“You loved it, though.”

“I love you, that’s a whole different thing.”

Colson smiled and pulled me in for a kiss. Warmth filled me as my lips touched his, and it was just another reminder that he was mine. I ran my hand through his hair and leaned into him until we were both laying back on the couch.

When we finally managed to pull away from one another, Colson rested his forehead on mine. “Did you have any other plans today?”

I shook my head.

“Good, because I don’t intend on letting you leave this apartment any time soon.”

He wrapped me into a tight cuddle, and I gladly accepted these plans he had made for us.