#i had such shitty sleep today w so many bad dreams

[the-amber-droid-dreams]

god today was so fucking exhausting i --

[gaysimpsstuff]

Hawks With a Reader Who Tics

Genre: angst, fluffy fluff, 

Reader Pronouns: none

Other: This is based off of my tics, which usually only occur when I’m super stressed, and they’re all pretty simple. Just slapping my thigh, making a clicking noise, and general neck wanting to not be on my shoulders. If you want something more generalized, or something more along the lines of Tourrete’s Syndrome I am more than happy to oblige. Also this is totally self-indulgent so if no one else relates to this that’s fine.

Warnings: mentions of past teasing, reader cries, tics, shitty parents, cursing burnt toast and burnt bacon (the food not Dabi)

Taglist:  @smolchildfangirl @yuu-anon @poke-txts @combat-wombatus  -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You had been going out with the Number Two hero Hawks for about two months now, and things were going great! No weird clicking noises or head-jerking or arms wanting to smack your thigh or random shouts of the word ‘yummy.’ You were beginning to think that maybe all your weird (an)tics had disapeared.

You’d never been more wrong.

Okay maybe you’ve been more wrong at times but still you were wrong.

All it took was one shitty day. Co-workers being assholes, Karens being Karens, but worst of all was a phone call full of bullshit from your parents. That was all it took for your body to start moving on its own. And not in the good way, the way that causes you to make weird clicking noises, jerk your head around like an owl, smack your thigh and repeat the word ‘yummy.’ 

Okay, you could deal with the clicking noise and the random yummy outbursts but all the more physical things? You really didn’t have the patience to deal with it. Which resulted in you leaving work early, complaining about being sick while masking as much as you possibly could to your boss.

And finally, you were home. And free to just let your tics do whatever the fuck they wanted until they wore themselves out. You hoped this wouldn’t be the type to last over a day, because that happened sometimes, and it was so annoying.

But you forgot something, something very important. You’d planned with your boyfriend to meet up and watch movies at your place. You were just lounging around half naked when you got the text that he was on his way.

“Fuck shit!” you rushed to get decent, knowing that all you could really do was put on a shirt, pants, and half-hazardly brush your hair before you heard the doorbell ring. “Alright Y/n you can do this.” you muttered. “It’s Hawks, he’s chill, you can stay calm and click still around him. Th- this’ll be easy! Suuper click click easy! And If you do tic, no problem he won’t hate you or make fun of you or break up with you! Just gotta go out there and face him, easy peasy... orIcouldrunawayandfakemydeathandlivemycottagecoredreamwithablindcatohhhyeahthatsoundssomucheasier*.” you shook your head (bad idea, you ended up hitting your chest really hard) and forced yourself out of the bathroom and to the front door, quickly ushering your boyfriend in.

“Baby bird! I haven’t seen you in person in forever!” he exclaimed. You sighed, looking up at him and immediately relaxing. Your boyfriend was so pretty, so kind, so perfect. Nothing could get in the way of a nice relaxing night.

“You saw me three days ago.” you deadpanned, holding back a click.

“It felt like forever!” he complained, walking in and shrugging his coat off. He was still in his hero costume, so he must’ve only just gotten off work. He folded his coat and put it on the little table next to the door, alongside his goggles and headphones.

“You aren’t injured?” you asked, checking his arms and face for scratches, then glancing at his wings to check their size. How many feathers had he used today?

“Baby don’t worry, I’m okay. Today was pretty chill. I only needed to use my wings for like- three things today. What about you? How was work?” you stiffened, praying you wouldn’t betray yourself.

“Eh it was okay.” you shrugged nonchalontly or however the fuck you spell it. Hawks raised an eyebrow at you. 

“You know I can tell when you’re lying.” you gave him a forced smile, ignoring how your heart sped up. 

“W-what are you talking about?” Stuttering. Of course you were stuttering. It wouldn’t take much longer before you simply couldn’t mask anymore.

“Dove, tell me what happened, I’m your boyfriend I want to help you-” he stopped talking when he saw how your hand was bouncing against your thigh, striking it hard.

“Fine- I’m I’m I’m F-fine fine!” you exclaimed, head jerking backwards. Hawks blinked in confusion.

“What was that?” his voice rose in concern. Tears were brimming in your eyes as you flinched away from his touch. You didn’t say anything, only grabbing the back of your neck to forcibly hold your head down. Even when you ticked you could just hold yourself back.

“Baby, talk to me, you’re worrying me.” Hawks took another step forward, and you just stepped backwards again, whimpering.

“N-no! No no!” you cried. Hawks stared at you with wide eyes, fearful. Suddenly he relaxed. 

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay.” his tone was different this time, soothing, sweet, it was exactly the kind that would make you relax. “I’m here, I’m gonna help you. Can you move your hands for me, Babe?” 

Slowly, your moved your hands away from your neck, immediately your head tried to dislocate itself, and a sharp stab of pain shot up your spine. 

“OW!” Hawks opened his arms, still giving you a kind look.

“I know, I know it hurts.” he whispered. “Just come here, let me hold you.”

Hold you? When you were spazzing out like this? What if you hit him? What if you hurt him badly? What if he never wanted to see you again?” What if-

You ran into his arms, sobbing. You felt something soft tickle the back of your neck. A feather. He rubbed your back soothingly. Rocking the two of you back and forth as you cried against his chest.

“S-sorry! Sorrysorrysorry!” you yelped when your arm smacked his side. 

“Shhhh shhh baby it’s okay.” He took your hand, gently moving it towards his face. Bad idea. You jerked your hand out of his grip, sniffling. 

“Do-don’t do th-that- don’t do that. I’ll hu-hurt you. S-sorry.” he nodded.

“I understand.” he murmured, taking the two of you to the couch. He kept you close to him, feathers covering your body to try and help you relax. It was nice. He was warm and his voice was soft. You felt so... heavy. You closed your eyes, cuddling against him, close as you could possibly get before you finally fell asleep.

You slowly opened your eyes, the smell of bacon filling the air. You blinked a couple time, realizing you were in your bed. You sat up, groaning. Your neck felt so sore. 

Click click

Ah, right. The tics were back. You thought back to yesterday, eyes widening as you remembered what happened. Hawks. He had come over hoping for a movie and cuddles, hoping for a break from taking care of people, and you’d ruined that with your stupid tic attack. How long had he stayed with you? Did he stay awake to make sure you didn’t tic in your sleep?

You ran out of your room, grateful you were still in your cozy movie party clothes. In the kitchen, Hawks had two plates on the counter, both with scrambled eggs and two slices of toast. Bacon was sizzling in the pan. 

“Good morning, Dove! How are you feeling?” he asked, a soft yet tired smile on his face.

“Hawks! Hawks oh babe I am so so sorry about last night!” you exclaimed, your fingers twisted and curled around each other as you hoped to find comfort in the movement.

“Don’t be, it’s okay. I made breakfast, look! I may have burnt the toast but you’ll be fine with that, right? Baby?” he cocked his head to the side, noticing your expression.

“Y-you sure it’s okay?” you asked softly.

“Yeah! Was this the first time you had muscle spasms?” He sent a feather towards you, tickling your nose before circling around and rubbing at the back of your neck. You felt yourself on the brink of tears again at the soft gesture.

“No...” you murmured. “But I haven’t had them in a while I- I thought they were gone.” He nodded, humming.

“What triggers them?”

“Just- general anxiety and bad thoughts...” you mumbled. 

“Alright. If you ever start ticking again, just call me. I’ll swoop in and help you. I’m pretty sure it’s hard to get stuff done when your body moves without you.” he flashed you a bright smile.

“Doesn’t it... weird you out?” you asked. “I could hurt you... I could accidentally break something I- I-”

“Baby.” you looked up at him. He took a step towards you, cupping your face into his hands and pressing a kiss to your lips. “I’m here for you. I care about you so I’m going to do everything in my power to make you feel comfortable. It’s my duty as hero, but more-so as your boyfriend.” you sniffled, nodding.

“Baby?”

“Yes, Dove?”

“You’re gonna burn the bacon.”

“SHIT!”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*orIcouldrunawayandfakemydeathandlivemycottagecoredreamwithablindcatohhhyeahthatsoundssomucheasier 

Translation: Or I could Just run away and fake my own death and live my cottage core dream with a blind cat ohhh yeah that sounds so much easier

[jjmaybanksblog]

Death Bed (Coffee for Your Head)- Rafe Cameron

(Not my gif, credit to the owner!)

Summary: Based on Death Bed (Coffee for Your Head) by Powfu and Beabadoobe

Word count: 3,181

Warnings: (Lung) Cancer, hospitalization, cursing, sadness, mentions of death, death.

I sobbed writing this I'm not gonna lie

Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed. I'll make a cup of coffee for your head, I'll get you up and going out of bed.

Rafe Cameron sat there in the doctor's office, his eyes glazed over and his jaw slacked as the doctor stared at him with a pitied look. Six words repeated in his mind, 'you have stage four lung cancer'. He was only 22, how did this happen so soon? 

He rubbed his hands over his face vigorously, cracking his knuckles after he stopped. "How long do I have?" "Some people don't survive more than 12 months, and if you're lucky, the latest I've seen is 5 years but that's with every single treatment."  He flared his nostrils as he held back his tears, he wanted to be around one person and one person only; you. 

Rafe showed up at your door after his appointment, a bouquet of rose's in his hand and a card in the other. You grinned at his kind gesture, your heart swelling with joy. He thought he would have to plaster a smile on his face, but the moment he saw you, a genuine smile appeared on his face. For the slightest moment, he forgot that he was dying.

You two spent the night together, cuddling and watching movies. Rafe held you close to him, his fingers skimming every part of your body, wanting to relish the feeling of you under his fingers. He checked the time and realized it was 3 in the morning and he was still awake. 

You shifted in your spot before turning your body to face his, your hand reaching up and combing his blonde locks out of his face. "Don't stay awake for too long baby, you need rest." You mumbled, half asleep. "I know, I know. I just have a bad headache." He lied. Truth is, he wanted to stay awake and just admire how you looked next to him, curled up in his chest, allowing him to see your natural beauty.

"I'll make you a cup of coffee in the morning and I have plenty of ibuprofen to share." You grinned, pressing a delicate kiss to his neck. "Goodnight, my love." He whispered as he kissed your forehead in return, watching you fall back into your sleep.

I don't wanna fall asleep, I don't wanna pass away. I've been thinking of our future 'cause I'll never see those days.

Rafe rubbed his eyes with his hands as he yawned, today was his third day without sleeping. He told you that he just kept waking up in the middle of the night but eventually he did go back to sleep. You believed him, offering any help to find resolutions but he politely denied them.

Truth was, everytime he fell asleep he had dreams about your future with him. The most recent one he had was of you two, married with two children. You two had moved out of the Outer Banks, wanting a new start. In this dream, he survived the cancer so he wanted a fresh start. Away from the toxic memories he had from that town.

It pained him every time he had a thought about your future, at least what he wanted your future with him to be. He wanted to make you so happy, he wanted to be the reason you woke up every morning and vice versa. You were his everything, and it killed him to know that soon it would come to an end.

I don't know why this has happened but I probably deserve it. I tried to do my best but you know that I'm not perfect.

You sat down on the couch, legs criss crossed as Rafe paced back and forth in front of you. He was mumbling to himself as you sat there confused, trying to calm down the nerves you knew he had. You didn't know what was going on which only worried you.

"Rafe, baby just sit next to me and talk to me." He sat down next to you, his elbows resting on his knees, terrified to look you in the eyes. You scooted closer to him and grabbed one of his hands, "breathe." Was all you said before he closed his eyes, deeply inhaling and exhaling for a few seconds before turning and looking at you.

You could finally see how scared he was, he looked like he hadn't slept, his eyes were pink and watery, the bags under his eyes were a light purple. You turned your body to face him, "Rafe, what's wrong?" He turned to you, mirroring the way you were sitting. "I have stage four lung cancer." 

His words felt like you fell face first in cement from a fifty foot drop. "W-what?" You stuttered, your voice just above a whisper. He nodded his head as he watched your eyes release tears. Your mouth fell open but you quickly covered it with your hand. You tried to speak but the only sound you could make was a gasping sound, like a fish out of water.

"I have maybe 12 months to live." Your mouth was dry, your heart felt like it was somehow racing and stopping at the same time. Your world felt like it fell out of space and shattered. You wanted to know how long he knew, but it didn't matter. Moral of the story was that you wanted him to live a good life for as long as he lived, and that's what you were gonna do. 

You didn't say anything, you simply crawled to him and straddled his lap. Your arms wrapped around his neck and he held your waist, allowing you two to cry into each other’s necks. He held you like if he were to let go, you would disappear forever.

“I got you Rafe, I got you." Your hand reached up and entangled itself in his hair, gently massaging it. "Why did this have to happen? Right when I was finally feeling happy." He screamed into your neck. 

"I don't hunny. I don't know." You whispered.

I've been praying for forgiveness, you've been praying for my health. When I leave this Earth, hoping you'll find someone else.

Rafe turned his head to look at you, making sure you were fast asleep before he slowly got out of bed. Replacing his body with a pillow, he snuck out of the room and outside of your house.

He made his way to the backyard and sat down on the grass, laying back as he looked up at the stars. He took a deep breath before speaking out loud. "Hi, uh- God. I don't know how this works, I don't know how to pray or even if you're up there, but if you are I need you to hear what I have to say."

A star above him shined brighter for a split second before disappearing behind a cloud. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for the disrespectful and disgusting teenager I was. I'm sorry for all the horrible things I did to my body. I'm sorry for the crimes I committed and never got caught. I admit to everything I have done wrong, I understand why you're taking it out on me. But please, leave Y/N out of this. She is the light of my life, the reason I was able to find happiness. Please don't take my actions out on her, make her fall out of love with me or something. Just...just something to ease her pain. Please."

•

Rafe was out at the grocery store, leaving you plenty of time to head over to the neighborhood church. You walked out of your car with sunglasses on so people couldn't see your red and watery eyes. You excused yourself as you shimmied through a small group of people.

You walked into the chapel and sat down in one of the pews. You removed your sunglasses before looking up at the front of the room. You let out a puff of air before speaking out loud. "Hi, God. I really don't know what I'm doing or why I'm even trying to talk to you. But I just, I'm so desperate and I just need your help. Please, please help Rafe. Help him at least live longer than a year, he wasn't the best person when he was a teenager, you know that. But he's changed into a whole new person, he knows how he was before and he hates it now. Please help him recover through this, help him pull through because I need him here. He was the one I was supposed to marry, the one who would be the father of my children, the one to help give me my happy ending. Please."

When I leave this Earth hoping you'll find someone else, 'cause yeah, we're still young there's so much we haven't done.

You shook your head at Rafe's words as you wiped your tears away with your hands. "No, there's no way." You cried out. He grabbed both your wrists and made you look at him. "Y/N, you have to listen to me. I don't want you to grieve or mourn, I want you to keep going. Find a new love, I don't want you to be alone. You need to find a new love, start a new story with them. Please baby, I beg you." 

You squeezed your eyes closed, your throat felt like it was slowly shutting. Your heart felt like it had been stabbed after hearing his words. You knew he had a point, you knew you couldn't mourn over him the rest of your life, but just hearing it so soon pained you more than you could ever imagine. 

Getting married, start a family, watch your husband with his son. I wish it could be me but I won't make it off this bed.

Another night where Rafe couldn't sleep, this being his 6th one in a row. He looked at you while you slept and admired the way the moonlight entered the window. The way the light cascaded down your face, highlighting some of your facial features. 

He slept maybe an hour, however he had a dream that woke him up. He dreamed that you got married to another man, watching as he took care of your son. He felt his heart pang with pain knowing that would be the harsh reality they would soon have to face. 

It felt like his body was there, he knew he was there, but it felt like his soul was floating out of him as he watched you be happy with a random stranger. He watched as you scooped your son up in your arms, spinning around as he let out cheerful giggles.

Rafe watched your husband who looked just as happy as you did. He hated that you were happy with someone else, but he knew you would be in good hands with your husband. He just had to pray that you'll meet someone who loves you just as much as he did.

I hope I go to heaven so I see you once again. My life was kinda short but I got so many blessings. Happy you were mine, it sucks that it's all ending.

Rafe had spent the next few months trying to make up for some of the shitty things he did in his teen years. He's been donating to the pour, volunteering at local shelters and soup kitchens, randomly picking garbage up from the highway. He was trying to do anything and everything to make sure he could go to heaven.

He had no clue if heaven or hell were real, but if they do exist he would do anything he could to make sure he got into heaven. After he dies, he knew that was his one chance to see you again. He knew one day he would wake up on the other side and you would be there, running to him to give him the hug both of you had been desperately craving.

I'm happy that you're here with me, I'm sorry if I tear up. When me and you were younger, you would always make me cheer up.

You softly knocked on the hospital room door, walking through the doorway with a tray of cafeteria food. "Hey baby, I brought you a sandwich and blue jello." He smiled at you, "my favorite." He subtly laughed before coughing harshly. You rushed over to his side and placed the tray down, grabbing one of the napkins to wipe away the small drops of blood that escaped his mouth.

"I got you baby, it's okay." You mumbled, passing him a glass of water as his coughing died down. You sat down in the seat next to him, watching him poke his sandwich before taking a small bite out of it. He sighed before dropping the sandwich back onto the plate, his eyes already crying. He sniffled as he covered his face with his hands, ashamed to be in the spot he was in right now.

You reached forward and grabbed onto his hand, rubbing his knuckles with your thumb as he tightened his grip. "I'm so sorry." He whispered. You shook your head trying to fight back your tears. "Don't apologize baby, I'm right here." "And I'm so fucking happy you are." 

You held his hand, looking down at his fingers as you played with them. "Remember back in 8th grade when I got into a really bad argument with my dad after he married Rose? I was so angry and upset, and I ran right to your house. But you were right there to help me, you cheered me up in a matter of seconds of me being with you. That was one of the first times I truly knew how happy you made me." He recalled the memory, thinking about it like it was yesterday.

Taking goofy videos while walking through the park. You would jump into my arms every time you heard a bark.

You pulled up your snapchat and pressed record. You and Rafe decided to go to the local park to just go on the playground equipment. There was nobody around, even if there was when you were with him you felt like you two were the only ones there.

You recorded the video as Rafe pushed you on the swing set, you turned the camera to face you, zooming in on the large smile on his face. You pumped your legs up, accidentally kicking him in the stomach. The video got the whole thing and his reaction. You jumped off the swing and turned around to see him hunched over and groaning. 

"Oh my god, I am so sorry!" You quickly apologized, trying to help him stand up straight. He laughed loudly, his bright smile never left his face. "That was so fucking funny!" You joined him in laughing, enjoying the moment. He held you closely by the waist as you held his elbows. "God, I am so in love with you." He muttered before pressing a soft kiss to your lips. 

•

"Okay shut up that was one time and it was a dare!" You defended yourself, jokingly pushing his shoulder. He brought up the story about how you ran down the block fully naked one night in senior year. Your laugh stopped the moment you heard a loud bark echoing in the distance. 

Your hand quickly reached down to grab his as your head turned in different directions to see where the sound came from. Rafe stopped walking and stood in front of you. "Hey, hey it's okay. It was just a dog." You nodded your head before letting out a shaky breath.

His free hand reached up and held the side of your face, "I got you Y/N. I won't let anything hurt you."

Cuddle in your sheets, sing me sound asleep. And sneak out through your kitchen at exactly 1:03. 

You hushed Rafe as he whispered to you. Rafe had been your boyfriend for the last 2 months, however you hadn't told your parents about him yet which meant sneaking around if you wanted to be with him. You figured out a way to sneak him into your house without your parents knowing.

He tiptoed into your room before flinging himself onto your bed. He wasted no time in wrapping himself in your sheets, his arms wide open waiting for you to join him. You laid down next to him, watching as he looked at you with puppy eyes and his bottom lip pouting. "Which song tonight?" He thought for a minute, "Fix You by Coldplay." 

You shifted in your spot so Rafe could rest his head on your chest, your hand reached yo to play with his hair. "When you try your best but you don't succeed…" you quietly sang to him. You continued until you heard his soft snores escape his lips. You shut your eyes and allowed yourself to fall asleep with him.

•

You were woken up by the feeling of his lips against yours, mumbling 'wake up' against them. "I'm awake." You muttered, rubbing your eyes. "I gotta head home."  You nodded before flinging the sheets off of your body. You held his hand in yours before quietly opening your bedroom door. You led him down the halls and to your garage door. 

He spun you around so you could face him, his hands finding your waist as you roped your arms around his neck. "See you tomorrow?" He questioned, "absolutely." You leaned forwards and kissed him softly, your lips hovering over his for a second. 

"Goodnight handsome."

Soon you'll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me.

It's been 12 months, Rafe was admitted into the hospital at the beginning of month 11. It happened when Rafe broke into a coughing spit that ended up with him spitting up splatters of blood. You weren't ready when that happened, you knew that that was the beginning of his end and that terrified you.

"Y/N?" He whispered, you sat up from your seat and stood next to him. "Yeah baby?" "Can you kiss me?" Your heart clenched at how soft his voice was. "It would be my honor." You grinned as he let out a weak laugh. Leaning down you cupped the side of his face and passionately kissed him. 

You pulled away from him, not even knowing about the tears that rolled down your face. "My eyelids feel heavy." He admitted, knowing this might be his last day. You held the side of his face, watching as his eyes slowly fell shut and his heart monitor slowed down. "No no, Rafe look at me. Keep your eyes open." You begged.

"I love you Y/F/N Y/L/N, forever and always." He whispered before his eyes fell shut. The room went silent except for the sound of the monitor flat lining, fear running through your veins. "Doctor!"

[lightpudding]

Sharing a Bed (WalLance)

Another one from @thatotherrpmeme prompt list, this time Walter, Lance and a little misunderstanding! I’m pretty groggy today, I hope it’s not obvious here.

Lance was complaining all the way up in the lift. He couldn't believe all the apartments in the hotel were booked and they were left only with a regular room. Walter didn't see a problem. The fact that they were staying in such an expensive hotel itself was enough fun for him.

They were in New York, on a small business trip. Only one night, then moving on to another city. That's why Walter couldn't understand why Lance wanted the apartment so badly, they wouldn't spend much time in it anyway. Walter thought that two person room was totally enough. Still, the way Lance huffed and puffed and grumbled was kinda cute and amusing.

"Come on Lance, it's not like the bed's different in a cheaper room," smirked Walter. Lance shook his head.

"'S not my point here," he hummed. Then put a card to an electric lock and opened the door.

The room wasn't as bad as Lance seemed to make it. It was pretty generic, with a small balcony, television, desk, wardrobe and-

"W-wait," stuttered Walter and checked a door inside the room, but it was leading only to a toilet.

"Oh," chuckled Lance, setting his bag on the desk.

"They were supposed to give us two person room!"

“Well, it kinda is.”

“It’s not what I mean!”

There was a big, king sized bed in the middle of the room. And no other bed around. Not even a couch. Just one bed. Walter felt like he was a main character of some bad fanfiction on Wattpad.

Lance stretched and put hands over his hips. It seemed like their roles switched immediately.

“You know, it’s not a big deal. But if you want I can go ask them for different room.”

He was right. It was not a big deal. They hugged and cuddled and even slept together already (while Lance was a pigeon though). It should not make Walter as flustered as it did. And it should not make him react in the way he did.

“No, no, you’re right. It’s not a big deal. Sorry.” Walter dropped his own bag on the floor. He noticed Lance looking at him weirdly, but the older man looked away quickly. Walter just shrugged it off.

There was not really much to do around. It was late already, they had their dinner before arriving to the hotel and also had to wake up pretty early. So they got into the bed pretty quickly.

Walter got to shower first and when Lance finished his own shower he was already in bed, faking sleep. He didn’t really want to witness Lance getting on by his side. Okay, it wasn’t the whole truth, he did want to witness it but not in those circumstances.

Which really felt like shitty Wattpad scenario.

Lance settled down under the cover with a happy hum and turned the light off. Walter, with his back turned toward Lance, could feel him wiggling around for a moment to find the best position, before stilling. After few minutes Walter realized Lance is asleep.

Walter felt a little jealous. He felt like he was the most awake man on the earth right now. His heart was thumping, his cheeks were hot and he was too stiff to even dream about falling asleep right now.

It took him a long, long time to realize that this appreciation, the high respect Walter felt toward Lance was something more than just a platonic feeling. A lot more to be honest. Walter knew that many people in the agency crushed on Lance and it was something normal, but he never considered himself falling for the spy. Honestly, when he thought about it, he never really crushed on anyone. Maybe some actors, but never a person from his environment. And the way Lance made him feel… Walter was sure no actor could do that to him.

Lost in his thoughts, Walter didn’t notice when Lance moved in his sleep and hugged Walter from behind. Only then the younger man jerked slightly, his face going even more red. He was going to die from embarrassment, he was sure of that-

“Walter.”

Walter choked, hearing the voice over his ear, feeling the breath on his hair and cheek. He didn’t dare to even twitch, he didn’t dare to make any more sound. Was Lance asleep? Was he dreaming about Walter? What was happening?

His questions were soon answered.

“Walter, I know you’re not asleep.” That made the younger man yelp. Lance chuckled behind him. “What’s up with you? Usually you’re the clingy one.”

Walter bit his lower lip. He couldn’t keep it up, he felt so, so bad lying to Lance like that. Lance probably thought that this situation is fully innocent and platonic while for Walter… let’s say he couldn’t stop thinking about the body that was pressed to his back.

“Sorry,” he whispered.

“Huh? Why?”

“I… I need to talk with you.”

Lance was silent for a moment before moving back a little. Walter looked behind himself and saw the outline of Lance’s body, reaching to turn on the light, and quickly stopped him.

“Wait, no, leave it. The light.” It would be way easier if Walter didn’t have to see Lance’s face.

Lance made a pause and settled down on the bed again. “So? What’s going on?”

Before answering Walter turned himself on his back. He started fidgeting a little under the cover. He wasn’t really sure how should he start or what should he say. I have a crush on you seemed silly, and even if he didn’t mind silly on daily basis, he wanted to be serious right now. But… I love you… I’m in love with you, Lance…

The simple thought of saying that out loud, with the intention he had in his mind, immediately made Walter cover his face and groan.

“Hey, really, what’s going on?” Lance sounded worried. Awesome. Now Walter made him worried. He had to say something, anything, quick.

“It’s not easy to say,” he blurted out through his hands. Before he could add anything or have a gay breakdown in his mind he felt a big hand over his own two.

“Walter,” Lance sounded soft. Delicate. It gave Walter goosebumps. “You can say anything to me. I won’t laugh or get angry and I will stay you partner. We’re a team.”

It made Walter groan again but he moved hands from his face, over his chest. Lance’s hand moved along, still laying over Walter’s own. Walter looked toward where Lance was laying, probably lifting himself on his elbow and bit his lip again.

“I’m- I think I, uh, I fell in love with you.”

The words left Walter’s lips surprisingly easy. Once he started talking they just flew out and hung in the air between him and Lance. Only a few second into the silence, after it was said, Walter felt a slight panic. He didn’t think it through. It could have destroy their team, Lance could not want to work with him anymore-

Walter didn’t even know if Lance was into men!

Before his panic could blow Lance spoke, and he sounded a little confused.

“Walter?”

“Uh, hmm?”

“Weren’t you aware that we’re… dating?”

This time it took Walter a moment to answer. He jerked up, lifting himself up on his elbows as well.

“What?!”

“I was sure we decided on it already? Like, we were on a date last week. I even called it a date!”

For another moment Walter was thinking about the dinner they went to last week. It was a fancy restaurant, yeah, and Lance looked especially good, true, and the waiter winked at him when he was taking the order but-

Oh my god it was really a date!

Walter fell on the pillow with a groan, again covering his face. Lance laughed a little before moving a little closer to the younger man again.

“That actually explains some stuff,” he hummed.

“I just- ugh! How did this happen?!”

“Probably we misunderstood each other-”

“How long are we dating?”

Lance snorted. “I guess we didn’t really date, since you didn’t know about it. But hey, I’m happy the feeling’s mutual.”

Walter felt the blush crawling over his neck. He was slowly understanding the meaning of this situation. The fact Lance thought they were dating. The thing he just said-

Walter snorted and without a warning tossed his hands around Lance’s neck. It obviously surprised the older man, he gasped and fell over Walter’s body.

“Does it mean we can hold hands now?” asked the younger man. Lance chuckled, towering over him, not wanting to crush him.

“It means we can do even more baby.”

The big, cheerful smile didn’t vanish from Walter’s face when their lips met in a kiss.

[painandpleasure86]

Pull yourself together

A/N: Hi people! I was missing to post a fic here. It was based in an own experience about my own capability to write fics.

You can also find this fic in AO3, here.

Summary: John don't feel capable to write songs. Freddie tries to encourage him to continue writing.

Pairing: this is a Gen fic! No pairing.

Warning: Angst, some swearing.

Word count: 1359

Permanent taglist: @warriorteam1924 @toomuchlove-willkillyou @deakysgurl (if you want to be in the taglist, just tell me in the comments or send me an ask :3)

He did not feel he was capable enough. But, on the outside, he was determined, unwavering, impenetrable. Many times he wanted to start writing, because he was mentalized and determined, but nothing came to his mind. He felt the demand that he not only had to write something, but also something that could be adjusted to the standards of the band. He saw Brian and Freddie writing without any problems, and he was facing a blank sheet of paper, with nothing "good" in mind. Or maybe he thought it wasn't a good thing, because, thanks to the demands, he set the bar too high and was too self-critical, too hard on himself.

 At that time they were preparing News of the World.

 While in the recording studio, the conversation came out.

 -Hey John, we're waiting for your contribution for the album. How are you doing? - Brian asks -I'm on it, Bri, you know how I am with that, he -laughs falsely.

 -If you need help, tell us- adds Freddie.

 -I can handle it myself, don't worry. Thanks for offering, though, guys.

 Neither Freddie nor Roger were too convinced.

 -Hey, and nobody asks me? -says Roger to ease the tension he felt in his friend.

 -Because you told us you had Sheer Heart Attack- said Brian.

  -I have one more surprise- he pointed out, winking

 -Are you going to make a song about your cat, Roger? -asks Freddie, playing along.

 -The cat lover is another one -answers Roger, pointing to Freddie.

 -Ah, you got me, darling, I don't know how you guessed it! -adds Freddie.

 John smiles. Goal accomplished for Freddie and Roger.

----------------------------------------------

 That night, when he was able to be alone in his room, he began to cry and to rant aloud

 -Why the fuck don't things work out for me? I don't really know why I try to write songs, if they're not even that good... While Brian and Freddie's songs are singles, two of the three I've written are a fiasco. I'm not good at writing, it's really better that they don't have "my contribution". Oh Brian, saying it so lightly... HA! If you spend all your fucking time reading literature and things come to mind. It's a joke that someone with more capabilities has songs next to my shitty stuff. I'm sick of all these requirements. I'm tired of the responsibility. I hate myself for agreeing to start writing songs in the first place... ha, things come naturally to Freddie. I just barely have three songs, why can't we fucking accept that I'm not good at songwriting? I don't have the lyrical skills. I can write music, but lyrics? Ah no, that has to be left to the other two. At least I'm not the only one who "contributes just a little", but I don't have to feel comfortable or proud of that either... I'm fed up with this - he shouted, throwing away things that were within his reach and throwing himself into his bed to continue crying for a few moments.

 Minutes later, he wipes away his tears and grabs a pencil and paper that were on his bedside table. He has something to write on.

 Pull yourself together, because you know you should do better.

 What he wrote was more of a self-message than anything else. That phrase came into his head and he had to turn it over so he wouldn't forget. "Maybe I'll think of something related to that later". When he put the notebook back in its place, he heard a knock on the door. It was Freddie.

 -Now can I come in, John?

 -Yes, I'll let you in. John opens the door to his room and lets the singer in. Then they both sit at the foot of the bed, side by side.

 -I heard everything, honey.

  -Ah? -asked John, pretending not to notice.

  -All you said.

  -I'm sorry, I...

 -Don't apologize, honey. These things happen. I understand your frustration.

 -Ah Fred, don't pretend to understand me.

  -Hey, I'm not always inspired.

 -Following that criteria, i'll never be inspired.

 -Don't say such a stupid thing, John- said Freddie.

  - You've already proved that you can write great hits.

 -Only one of my songs came out as a single, I don't know what you're talking about Freddie. It's easy to talk when you write Bohemian Rhapsody. My songs are shit besides to that song.

 -John, how many times have we talked about it? You're just slower, but that doesn't mean you're bad.

 -What if I am?

 -You really aren't. I see great potential. You just have to stop comparing yourself to me and Brian.

 -It's impossible to tell the truth... you two write masterpieces... All people love your songs.

  -People love You're my best friend...

 -Yes, because it's the only good thing I've written so far.

 -You are good John, I don't know how to tell you anymore.

 -Stop saying it then and assume that you were wrong about me.

 -Okay, I think you're still hysterical. I'll leave you to rest.

 Freddie leaves and John remains pensive. More phrases have come to his mind, he writes them down.

     You said me six and you passed past seven. I believed you, bent on my knees for you. Oh, I trusted you, but you let me down.  

 "They don't make sense, but well... inspo it's inspo" he thought.

 After a much-needed bath to relax body and mind, he went to bed.

 -Perhaps Freddie is right. What if I'm writing the band's next hit? Now, more calmly, he was convincing himself of Freddie's words. A part of his mind didn't like this at all and wanted to boycott him with pessimistic thoughts.

 -Ah... enough! No. I'm not going to let you pass. Get the fuck out. Let me sleep in peace. -he said aloud with his eyes closed.

 To sleep in peace, he took a deep breath and imagined himself far from his hotel room, being anywhere, but happy and free. When he least expected it, he fell asleep.

 The next day he woke up much more relaxed. Getting dressed, thinking about the dream he had, a few phrases came to his mind

     He spends his evenings alone in his hotel room, wishing he was miles and miles away...

 Read the note  book and see that Freddie was right. He smiled.

 -----------------------

 Back in the studio for another day of recording, John enters with his notebook and pencil.

 -Looks like someone came ready to write today- Brian said, smiling.

 John approaches his colleagues and shows them his notebook from afar.

 -I've been ready since last night- he walks up to Freddie and hugs him.

 -With you, always- Freddie said in his ear, tapping him on the shoulder.

 Freddie left the embrace, but Roger takes advantage and hug John.

 -I knew Freddie would help you- he said in John's ear.

 -W-what?

 -You're our brother Deaky, how could we not know?

 Brian kept looking at the scene trying to understand what was happening, until he finally got it. "Now I understand everything".

 Roger and John left the embrace, because John wanted to say something to Brian.

 -I think I have not one contribution, but two- John said.

 -But that's great-answered Brian, patting him on the shoulder-. This is the first time you've brought two songs!

 -We have to celebrate- says Roger, winking an eye.

 -It's 10 am, wait a little for the alcohol- says Freddie.

 -But look who's talking, Mr. Champagne

 -Without any shame, darling.

 John and Brian laughed at the scene.

------------------------------------------

 Months later, one of those songs would be a single for which they would record a video clip. Preparing for this, John started to think "Freddie was right, I have the capacity and my songs matter too... Look if they matter that one will have a video clip... Although, I don't know if the chosen set was the best choice. It was winter and they were outside, his hands were beginning to feel it; but he was happy that they were recording the video clip. Also because, from that day on, they were representing themselves. They had spread their wings and flown away from John Reid.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for reading this. If you enjoyed it, please reblog this. It counts A LOT!!!

Cheers, Lily

[my-arlington-academia]

Serandy and Olifael part 3: Nari’s horrible return

Hey I’m back! ... I’m sorry.

-------------------

"S-Serena-senpai..."

Nari was looking away, her cheeks flushed from embarrassment. No matter how many steps back she took, Serena kept on getting closer and closer until she slammed her hand on the wall, next to Nari’s ear.

”Kyah! S-senpai! What’s going on?? Why are you being so violent with me?”

From Serena’s point of view this wasn’t violence. This was love. Oh Nari... you and your unstoppable mouth. No matter how much someone would beg, Nari would never shut up. Serena was provoked by that, the fact that someone wouldn’t obey her orders. It was frustrating and yet so charming.

She leaned in and whispered into Nari’s ear.

"Nari-chan... you aren’t a gemini, are you?”

Nari was confused, that’s it? That’s all Serena wanted to ask? No scolding, no punishment like usual? She was disappointed. Nari loved getting yelled at by Serena.

”N-no. I’m not a gemini, I’m a scorpio Senpai. But what does that have to do with anyth-"

"Shut it.”

Serena passionately kissed Nari with her passionate lips, passionate love and passionate hate towards geminis. She was so relieved that Nari wasn’t one of them. Disgusting. That would be horrible.

Horrible.

Hor-

"AAAH! NOOOO PLEASE GOD NO!"

Serena woke up covered in sweat. What the fuck was that?? Nari? What was she doing in Serena’s dream and why were they calling eachother like characters in a Japanese cartoon? Serena looked around her, it was her room. Thank God everything was just a dream and nothing else. Next to her, lying in bed was Andy who snuck in last night to sleep next to her girlfriend. Like all nights, actually. She was really worried for Serena’s mental state, not only today but in general.

"Serena...? *yawn* Are you okay sweetie?”

Serena hugged Andy, almost in tears.

"N-no! I saw her again in my dreams. That chatterbox monster, Nari! But this time we were high schoolers in a shitty anime... Why? Oh, why would this happen to me?? What did I do wrong for her to come back to haunt me?"

Andy hugged Serena back, trying to be as supportive as she could. This situation was really strange. For the past few days, Serena always saw Nari in her dreams. Nari was that 2nd year student in Arlington who went missing a few months ago. But in actuality... it was all a ploy orchestrated by Serena. Serena had pulled some strings to make some trouble happen in Egypt so that Nari would go back there for a couple of months. A couple of months that were extremely peaceful... Well, Trashy burned the building a couple of times but it was cool. Thanks to that some classes were canceled and Serena secretly thanked Trashy for her interventions.

The only people who knew about this were Serena and Andy, Serena knew that if she told Olivier what she did in order to get rid of Nari, he would get mad at her and rightfully so.

”Calm down Serena sssshhh. It’s going to be alright. Um... you know I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, but could it be that you have a guilty conscience? Maybe that’s why Nari appears in your dreams?”

Serena looked up at Andy, seriously taking in account what her girlfriend just told her. But no, that couldn’t be it. Serena? Feeling guilt for getting rid of Nari? Impossible. Nari was her arch-nemesis. It was absurd to think that after all these months Serena would suddenly start to feel guilty about her scheme.

”No... that can’t be it Andy. I would never feel bad for Nari. I think.”

”Aww come on, I know that you’re not as cold hearted as you pretend to be. Let’s just try to contact Nari, okay? Maybe you actually miss her a little bit.”

Did Serena miss Nari? Ridiculous but much more believable than feeling guilty.

"... Alright. Let’s do that."

Serena and Andy came down from the bed, they were changing into their school uniforms to get ready for class. That’s when someone barged in, looking extremely distraught. It was Rafael.

"Girls!!! Come quick! There’s 8 murde-"

Serena threw a pillow into Ralf’s face while Andy was covering herself with the blanket. Serena yelled at him in panic.

"What the hell Rafael? Can’t you knock first?? Turn around and explain yourself!”

Rafael turned around like instructed, facing the door. He was super gay for Olivier but he still covered his face with the pillow, just in case. He didn’t want Serena and Andy to feel uncomfortable.

"This is not important right now! There’s 8 murders in the Academy that ocurred this morning...”

Andy and Serena looked at eachother, horrified by the news. How was that possible? The security was so tight and the custodians always made rounds, even in the early mornings. Andy clenched her fists, still in disbelief.

”But... that’s impossible! One murder, sure. But 8 people have died?? There’s always guards in front of the entrance... and... and there’s at least one custodian on each floor to keep an eye on us!"

Rafael stood there, silent. Unable to explain the events. All he could say was...

”Oliver is waiting for us in the student council’s room. Come quick.”

There was no time to waste. Serena and Andy dashed out of their room and went out of the dormitory only to see a cruel scene unfold. A bunch of nurses were taking 8 people away into ambulance trucks. However, the 8 people were covered in white pieces of cloth. As if they were already dead. In the crowd, a blond girl with a pink flower in her braids was being retained by at least four people. They were trying to hold her still while she was screaming and shouting like a trapped animal.

"G-geez! How strong is this girl?! Someone call the remaining custodians to help us out! We can’t hold her forever!!!”

”Remaining custodians”? So, some of them had been killed as well? Or at least badly hurt. Andy and Serena tried to pass by the scene in a hurry but they couldn’t ignore the yells of the suffering young girl. Oh mother of god... It was the sweet and gentle Claire, trying to set herself free by punching and kicking.

"LET ME GO! I HAVE TO FOLLOW THEM AND MAKE SURE THAT THEY'RE OKAY!!! DON’T HOLD ME BACK!!! THIS CAN’T BE. THEY’RE NOT DEAD!!! THEY’RE NOT DEAD, OKAY?! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE I’M CRAZY!!! I... I...”

Suddenly all of her strength left her body and she fell down on her knees, seeing that she finally calmed down the 4 students that were holding her let go of their grip. Claire buried her face into her hands, crying.

"N-No... they’re not d-dead... the doctors will bring them back with a b-blood transfusion and... and... CPR will definitely work... if, if not then there’s also a defibrillator... it’ll work haha... ah... ah... ahh..."

She started hyperventilating, her eyes were bloodshot and her hair and clothes were all messy. She then covered her mouth, trying to stop what was coming, in vain.

”BLRGH.”

She threw up on the ground, still hyperventilating in between each spew. Because of that she was almost unable of breathing. Two custodians ran to her, scared of her reaction. What if she chokes up and dies because of her own vomit?

"P-please! Young miss calm down! Breath in... and out... in... and out... yes, slowly.”

Thank god her breathing became stable again, she could’ve lost consciousness from the lack of oxygen. After emptying up her stomach she started crying in the custodian’s arms.

"T-those people w-were my friends... *hic* R-raquel was right next to me... *hic* how did I fail to do anything?! ...U-useless! I’M USELESS. W-when it comes down to real danger... I’m unable to do a-anything. I couldn’t save anyone... I’ve never saved anyone! Not a single person!”

Andy didn’t even realize that she was crying at the heartbreaking scene until Serena covered her eyes and pulled her away from the crowd.

"Andy, don’t look...”

It was meaningless, Andy was unable to see anything anyway. Her eyes were filled up with tears, distorting her vision. However there was one thing she knew. Even though Serena was trying to hide it and act though, she was crying too.

In front of the student council’s room, they dried up their tears and snot with their sleeves, no time to find handkerchiefs. And they stepped in. Four people were in the room, Olivier shouting at Trashy, Trashy looking scared out of her mind but doing her best to deny whatever Olivier was stating, Rafael trying to calm Olivier down and... Tadashi, sat on one of the chairs. Looking down, emotionless. It’s as if all trace of life had left his body.

Serena tried to ignore that for now and put her hand on Olivier’s shoulder, he turned away from Trashy and looked at Serena, annoyed and angry.

"Ugh. You’re finally here?! What took you so lo-"

Before he could finish, Serena slapped the shit out of him, knowing that he wouldn’t calm down anytime soon if this went on.

"Calm down! I can see that Tadashi isn’t capable of handling anything right now so you should try to stay calm and take over as the student council president! It won’t help if you lose yourself like this...”

She then looked at Rafael, who was frozen in panic.

"Ralf, next time something like this happens just hit the shit outta him without hesitation. Got it?”

”Y-yes, sorry. I’ll do so.”

Olivier looked at his reflexion in the window and sighed a few times. He still wore that stupid cat mask. Then with a clear mind, he went back to business.

"Trashy. Please be honest with me. You’re the one who committed those murders, aren’t you?”

Trashy was shaking, teary eyed and visibly afraid by not only Olivier but also the stressful situation she was in.

"N-no! I’m telling you I would never kill people in cold blood! I only do harmless pranks...”

Olivier clenched his jaw. ”Harmless pranks” she says. He opened a folder and took out a document from it.

"Trashy. So far you have committed: arson, fraud, larceny and forgery. So tell me what could POSSIBLY lead me to believe that you aren’t the culprit behind this... this... inhumane incident?”

Trashy stood up, slamming her hand unto the table.

”I’m telling you: I’m innocent! I would never kill E-Ellie, Alistair or any other person of this school!"

At those words, Tadashi who was silent this whole time started sobbing and holding his arms, as if he was hugging himself.

”N-no... Ellie... Alistair... Raquel... *sob* Please c-come back. I-I’m scared... *hic* I-I’ll be good so p-please don’t abandon me *hic* A-Axel I-I won’t give you detention ever again... and... and I-I’ll help you guys with your homework... *hic*"

Rafael, Serena and Andy rushed in to hug him, seeing that he was in despair. Olivier sighed and glared at Trashy.

"I told you not to mention their names. He gets like that whenever he hears it.”

”I’m so sorry...”

Trashy looked extremely apologetic. As Serena was holding Tadashi in her arms, she shot a quick side-glance towards Trashy, it’s true that she was very chaotic but... logic aside, proof aside, was Trashy really capable of doing such things? Serena wanted to believe in her so badly but it is true that she was quite suspicious. As she was asking herself hundreds of questions, two people barged in.

"Excuse us.”

A weird man dressed in all black, carrying a katana and... a normal woman were standing before them. Olivier walked towards them, as if he knew who they were.

”Are you... who I think you are?”

The man and woman smiled at eachother.

”That’s right, I’m Nadir. The detective.”

”And I’m Gen, the coroner. Nice to meet you.”

Nadir had a Maryland accent... whatever that was supposed to mean. He didn’t look like a detective at all though, why was he carrying a katana? And why was there a coroner with him? All the dead bodies were brought to the hospital already. Well, they might get resurrected somehow. It’s not like hope was completely lost. Or at least Andy hoped so.

”Um. Excuse me uh. Gen? I don’t understand why you’re here and not at the hospital, I mean your job is to check wounds and find the cause of death, right?”

Gen smiled innocently.

”Oh I’ve already done my job, it was all stab wounds from a kitchen knife. Now I’m here in any case we find other dead bodies or if someone else dies.”

”Uh... okay.”

Tadashi suddenly stopped crying, awakened from his miserable state by Gen’s comment.

"DON’T SAY THAT! How... How DARE you just call them ”dead bodies”?! They were my friends! And... and they might be saved!!!”

Gen looked at him with sorrow in her eyes. As if it was too late. Thankfully Tadashi was so angry that he didn’t notice that. She had a look that said ”it’s hopeless kid.” Serena tried to change the subject, knowing that Tadashi would blow up like Claire if he knew that they were already dead.

”Soooo... Anyway, who are the people that got hurt?”

Olivier gave her the list with the names of all the victims, knowing that if he said their names aloud, Tadashi would lose it again. As expected, all of Tadashi’s and Claire’s friends were on it. Neha Rao, Tyler Williams, the Novakova siblings and so on and so forth. They were all so close and yet the only people left were Tadashi and Claire... but why did only those 2 survive?

”You’re all thinking ”why did those 2 survive”, aren’t you?”

Nadir smirked at them with a know-it-all epxression that everyone hated. It seems like he had already made some research before coming.

”Well, we’re thinking that it must be because... either one of those 2 is the culprit or... the person who attacked their friends didn’t manage to finish their job and he’s after them.”

Everyone was frightened by the thought... Claire, where was she? Hopefully she wasn’t left alone, however, just in case they should go find her and stay by her side. What if the culprit took advantage of her mental state to strike? The only person in the room who didn’t think about that possibility was Tadashi, he was too blinded by anger and fright.

”You’re saying that either me or Claire could be the culprits? That’s total BULLSHIT! We would never even THINK about doing something like this! How could I... How could I ever do something like this to my best friend and boyfriend?!!”

That’s right, Tadashi’s best friend: Alistair. And his boyfriend... Axel. A really weird couple indeed, they hated eachother’s guts until really recently so why did they suddenly start dating? It was a complete mystery. It all started on april fool’s so everyone just assumed that they would end the joke pretty soon... 3 weeks later and the joke still wasn’t over.

Gen raised her voice, desperately trying to stop him from punching them in the face.

”Please calm down kid! We’re only stating the possibilities! Not saying that they’re true... but while it might not be you nor your friend, there is a high chance that the kill- um, culprit is a student. Even though some custodians were... hurt, no guards were harmed.”

Nadir nodded, strongly agreeing with his colleague’s words.

”That’s right. But first let’s go find that Claire girl, she might be in great danger at this rate. Do you know where she is?”

Tadashi shook his head, having no idea where the only friend he had left was. Luckily, Andy and Serena knew where she might be. They all ran to the nurse’s office, thinking that they would find an unconscious Claire who had probably collapsed from shock and stress. But she wasn’t there. Only the nurse remained, saying that Claire wanted to rest in her room. Serena grabbed the nurse by the shoulders and shook him violently.

”Are you kidding?! How could you let her alone in a situation like this?! Are you not aware of what’s happening right now?! And besides... isn’t Claire’s room... tainted in blood right now?!!”

The nurse pushed Serena away, slightly upset by her outburst.

”Who do you think we are? The room had been investigated and cleaned the moment the body was discovered. Also, she wasn’t alone. There was another student with her who promised me to follow her no matter where she went.”

Serena’s eyes widened. Oh god. Oh no. What if this student is the killer?! Catching on what she was thinking, Nadir grabbed the nurse by his shoulders and shook him just like Serena did earlier.

”Who was it?! Who was that student?”

”Ugh. Could you all stop grabbing and shaking me?! I don’t know what her name was but it was a girl with really messy hair. To the point where I would guess that she doesn’t even own a hairbrush.”

They all started running towards the dormitory while the nurse was cursing them under his breath. On their way there, they saw two students in the courtyard, on the ground. One covered in blood and the other one holding her in her arms while crying. It was Reckless and AJ.

”AJ!! Please wake up! Come on you gotta live... You still haven’t paid me for the tarot reading I did for you the other day!!”

AJ was still half-conscious, holding on to dear life.

”God... shut the fuck up...”

”No, don’t say that AJ!! What if those are your last words?! You can’t let your last words be something so vulgar! What am I gonna say to your parents...”

”I don’t... give a shit...”

Gen pushed Reckless away, looking closely at the young girl’s wounds all over her stomach. Reckless wiped a tear away, relieved.

”Oh thank God, thank you doctor! Please save my cash-cow- I mean... my dear classmate!”

Gen then immediately got up, wiping her bloody hands on her jeans.

”Oh no kid, I’m not a doctor, I’m a coroner. All I can say is that she has most likely 5 minutes left to live or so. Sorry but to be saved, she would need to be a billionaire or something. Y’know how it is in America.”

Reckless started crying again.

”God I fucking hate capitalism. Can we all just die from a nuclear bomb, please? Someone nuke us, anyone. Even North Korea is fine...”

Andy took out her phone, calling the ambulance in a hurry. Serena had never seen her girlfriend look so livid.

”Are you all crazy?! We should at least call the ambulance in situations like these! Reckless, why didn’t you call 911 sooner?!”

Reckless kneeled in front of AJ, looking apologetic while still bawling her eyes out.

”You’re right Andy... I’m so sorry AJ, if only I wasn’t a dumbass... Come on, don’t lose consciousness! Or at least tell me your blood type before you do! Maybe we can still save you...”

”B... positive...”

”*sniff* I’m trying AJ but you’re losing a lot of blood...”

”That’s not... *cough* what I meant... you fucking dumbass *cough*"

This all looked like a comedy skit to be honest. AJ’s blood type wasn’t even B, it was O. Was she so out of it that she made a mistake? Serena went through 8 stages of whiplash before the ambulance finally showed their asses on the murder scene. Unfortunately, AJ hadn’t seen her attacker and same thing for Reckless. In any case it was useless to stay there, the group rushed back to the dorms like they were supposed to a long time ago before they found AJ dying. Hopefully Claire was still okay... It was like running a marathon. Arlington was way too big than it needed to be.

[dayasbun]

Fame - Angus Cloud (5)

Summary- a luckily timed audition leads to you falling for your new and unexpected co-star.

Warnings- okay HI welcome to my first multi chapter series woah?! this is actually so exciting for me like wow especially since angus doesn’t have any fics yet im just really really excited- so warnings! smut for sure, bad words, lotsa fluff, angst- everything in one basically. here comes a ride and I hope you enjoy :)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5 {reading now}

-

You woke up to an empty bed and cold covers. With a sigh you sat up, wondering where Storm and Z had gone. Grabbing your phone, you shook your head as you read the messages on your home screen.

Babygirl Z <3: Yoooo so we dipped cuz Angus's weird-ass kinda threatened us to gtfo out cuz he wanted to spend time w you but don't tell him I told you that, I don't wanna deal w him

Lil storm!: i think the hood boy in love with you or sum- it's weird.

Angus ☁️: you free today? i got some plans for us so if you ain't you free now

Angus ☁️: i'm playin btw like if you ain't free i can change shit around

You giggled as you heard your nails click against the phone's screen as you sent responses.

-mhm i'll act like i never saw this...have a good day of filming gorgeous <3

-see storm, i highly disagree

-i'm free :) is this a date mr cloud? don’t forget we have filming today

You got up brushing your teeth and washing your face. You waited for Angus's response before picking an outfit for the day, and instead decided on making breakfast for now.

Babygirl Z <3: thanks lovely same to you!!!

Lil storm! laughed at your message

Angus ☁️: shittttt ion know maybe- n yeah ik

-i'm making breakfast, come over if you want

Angus ☁️: food?? i'm already on the way

-my trailer door is unlocked so just come in

A few minutes later you heard the heavy trailer door creak open. You flipped a pancake before turning around and facing the taller man in front of you. "Gooooood morning- you look so tired?"

"Damn, thanks Y/N you look great too!" Angus said sarcastically rolling his eyes.

"Boy, I'm kidding." You grinned wrapping your arms around his waist "How'd you sleep?"

"I slept ight, you? Any dream-"

"SHUTUP!"

"I was just checking damn, just checking!"

You let off the hug and walked back over to the stove turning off the burners. "Okay, done! Pancakes and eggs- and fruit! Can't beat that." You made both you and Angus a plate and sat them down on the small table.

You both ate with smiles on your faces, talking the whole time. You learned some more about Angus and his past, and he learned more about you and what you want your future to be like. You couldn't help but laugh when he spotted a carton of store-bought sugar cookies on your counter and insisted he eat at least five. You didn't deny his request, so he polished them off with the rest of his pancakes.

As soon as the breakfast came to a close, both of your phones dinged at the exact same time.

"That's strange," You said picking up the electrical device. You quickly unlocked it as your eyes scanned the screen, and when you finished you immediately looked up at Angus. From the look on his face, you could tell that he clearly had finished reading the message as well.

"So…" he said quietly.

"Yeah."

"Yep."

The text message wasn't too big of a deal, just a simple message from Mary of a suddenly new shooting schedule. You weren't worried until you reached the paragraph that made very clear that instead of shooting you and Angus's sex scenes next week, or possibly two weeks away, they would be shot tomorrow and for the rest of the week.

Shooting the scenes wasn't exactly the problem, it was the caliber of the scenes that you two would be shooting that was the problem. Also the fact- that though there isn't much talking during the sex scenes- you would have to memorize the lines of the new episode. Even though you and Angus were more comfortable with each other, sex scenes were not anything that you two were ready for, you guys hadn't even kissed yet, whether that was a real kiss, or a kiss practicing for the scene.

"I think we need practice."

"I agree."

"So uh..." He turned red as he picked at his nails.

You let out a sigh. "Okay so look. Basically, the scene just consists of me being naked, you being naked as well, but they're going to jimmy rig something so that obviously we aren't actually doing it. Mary told me in my message that I would have some type of pad over my you know what, and you would have some type of cup on."

"But-"

"I'm not done, wait. There are covers over us; so even though I have to give the effect of riding you, I'll just kind of be awkwardly rubbing my padded- you- know- what up against the cup."

"Okay, don't we make out before?"

"Yeah, we do." You stood up and rinsed off the plates. After placing them in the dishwasher, you turned back to your male co-star. "Okay, so it's about 11 AM right now. If we practice our lines, make out some, and I awkwardly ride you clothed in my bed, I think we should be fine..what about your plans?" You asked softly.

"It’s ight, they can wait. But there's another scene- where I smash you from the back. That's the part where I gotta show my cheeks man, damn I don't wanna show my cheeks!"

You laughed a bit "You'll be fine... tomorrow we'll be shooting probably just making out, then the next day the riding scene, and then the day after that more. And I know this seems kind of shitty, but if you read over other peoples paragraphs besides just ours, a lot of their sex scenes were moved up too, and some of the pairings are a bit weird and unexpected."

"Okay let's stop talking about it and just do it."

You nodded and silently walked into your small bedroom, sitting on the messy bed. You hadn't made it because, well you didn't exactly expect to have Angus in your bedroom, let alone to do this.

"So..."

You turned to look at him with a raised brow, "What?"

"So imma kiss you."

Why did that one sentence make your heart. Skip. So. Many. Fucking. Beats.

"Yeah well, that's what the script says right?"

He nodded and licked his lips. "Come get on my lap."

"Why? That's not in the-"

"It'll be more comfortable, especially if we doing this for a minute."

You took in a breath as you went over and straddled his lap, your legs around his waist, and your arms resting comfortably on his shoulders, wrapping around his neck.

You looked into his eyes, and god they were just gorgeous. "Angus.." You said softly.

"Yeah?"

And for .2 seconds you actually debated telling him- telling him that when you kissed him, you didn't want it just to be practice for the show. Telling him that you felt like you lived for the nights that he would facetime you and tell you dumbest shit that would just have you dead tired the next day. Telling him how much he made you laugh, and how it made you so unbearably happy every time you saw his name and knew it was the cause of your phone screen lighting up. Making sure he knew that the past 2 months of your life had gotten so much brighter just because of him.

You didn't though.

But if you had? He would've told you how he felt the exact same way. He would tell you how he loved how your eyes sparkle in the sunlight, how he loved how your nose scrunched up when you laughed. About how you were the only person who would listen to his dumb Mandela effects, even though he knew you didn't believe in all of them. And how it made him blush every time you sent him a mirror selfie on Snapchat for your streak- which he always lost.

But neither of you said anything.

Instead, you made out for a full 32 minutes with absolutely no passion, no lust, no nothing. Too scared to open up to the other due to the fear of rejection.

Until he got hard.

Again.

And that was your little 'ding!' to let you know yet again, 'he wants you.'

So your hips began to move {finally, after 32 minutes of dead nothingness} and you and Angus's lips began to fight for dominance. His hands moved from being awkwardly placed on your sides to under your shirt on your waist. Feeling his hands on your bare skin, you let out a soft moan into his mouth- which you could tell completely caught him off guard.

"Fuck you moaning for?" He teased, still not letting off of the kiss.

"For you."

He bit your lip causing you to moan yet again, your hips still bucking against his hard-on- holy fuck that felt a lot better than it should've. You grinned a bit as you felt his beard brush against your face.

"God. you're so hot."

'Oh my god' you thought, 'It's happening.'

"Baby, I have nothing on you." You replied seductively, sliding your hand down from his shoulder to his crotch.

"Fuck Jess..."

You grinned as he- wait what?

Jess- right, your characters name. Reel it in, you told yourself. This is just acting, nothing more. Just acting. Though you stayed into it, something about him calling you Jess turned you off a bit. After 10 more minutes or so you stopped, getting off of his lap and sitting on the side of him.

“Wel-”

“Yeah, that was good!” You quickly cut him off. “I definitely think our awkwardness has melted away a bit.”

“But don’t you wanna talk-” 

“We have some scenes to film at 1, its 12:30 right now so we should head to wardrobe.”

Angus looked at you with a confused expression on his face, but just nodded slowly and stood up following you out.

All you two had to film was the scene of you coming back, so it was a calm and chill collection of scenes to go through. Everything ran smoothly, and by the time you two were done around 9PM, you were as tired as could be.

“You're such a good fucking actress Y/N.” Angus complimented you as you two walked back to his trailer. He offered you to stay over for the night- just to sleep of course- and you couldn't reject the offer even if you wanted to- which you didn't want to. “Thank you,” you replied softly. “You’re quite talented as well.”

“Nah girl, I'm just being me.”

You two went into his warm trailer talking of filming the scenes, and how tired you both were. You both tried to avoid the topic of the scenes you had to film tomorrow and for the rest of the week; though you were supposedly ready, it was a strangely sore topic.

Soon showers were taken, clothes were changed, and all that was left to do was cuddle.

Angus flipped off the lights and then crawled into the bed with you. You moved closer to him, listening to his rapid heartbeat as you traced hearts on his chest. “Night Redhead.” you said softly, placing a kiss against his cheek.

“Goodnight Mamas.”

And as you lay next to him listening to his light snores, you thought about something. You thought about how though today had been so amazing, and finally, you felt as though the awkwardness had melted away… it was all acting.

Angus didn't like you; that's what you told yourself. Any man would get hard if an attractive woman was sitting on his lap, so that was self-explanatory. Any man would call you baby during a heated moment, any man would talk dirty to you in a heated moment. And a good man like Angus would always make you feel comfortable when you practiced for a scene- that's all he was doing, he wanted you to feel comfortable.

You couldn't be hurt about the situation, the whole point of doing any of that was just practicing for the scenes. And after all, Angus called you Jess, not Y/N.

But at the same time, a little part of you wouldn't stop screaming that you really really really wished he had said your name instead. A little part of you-

Your thoughts were interrupted by the soft glow of your phone lighting up along with a light vibration. A smile appeared on your face as you saw who the message was from.

Babygirl Z <3: GIRL

Babygirl Z <3: BABES ARE YOU UP??!

-yeah you okay? what's wrong?

Babygirl Z <3: shit I'm sorry but i have to tell you this

-what's wrong????? are you okay?

Babygirl Z <3: I'm fine but

-?????

Babygirl Z <3: fuck don't hate me ily okay this is for the best just remember that

-Z get to the point...

Babygirl Z <3: okay so...storm and i just did some digging and

-and?

Babygirl Z <3: and we think Angus got a girl back @ home

-

taglist:

@nikkixostan @melaninmarvel @celiajrs @siriuslycollins @patientplum @babygurlbarnes

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #274

“now i can hear the marching feet / they’re moving into the street”

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? I only have a black one. Is your dream job attainable? I mean define “dream job.” I’d ideally be a meerkat biologist if I was willing to live in Africa and could handle even mild heat, but I can’t/won’t do either of those, so it’s not obtainable to me. I’d also love to be a paleontologist if I could travel and handle heat once more, but again, I can’t. My only *attainable* dream job is being a photographer, which I am aiming for. I’d LIKE to focus on nature/wildlife photography, but that’s unlikely to be able to support me, so. Do you have to go to school or work tomorrow? N/A Have you slept for longer than usual today? Yes, but only because of my nightmares. I tend to take at least two (though sometimes one) hour-long naps during the day because if I wake up once during the night, as I usually do, I’m fucked because I’m very likely to have an intense nightmare. It seems like the medicine I’m on wears off with consciousness, I guess. I only allow myself to sleep an hour at daytime because my mother has noticed if I have a nightmare, it’s usually no earlier than one hour into sleep. Even then I still have them occasionally. Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? Recorder in elementary school was necessary for whatever stupid reason, and then I played the flute for years. Out of school, I took guitar lessons for a while. I got semi-decent (at best I could do the intro to “Crazy Train” at normal speed, I think), but it didn’t last because it was annoying/time-consuming to build up the calluses that make playing painless, I was really bad at overthinking where my fingers were, and I just wasn’t invested quite enough. I’ll tell you, it gave me mad respect for guitarists, that shit isn’t easy by any means. Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? Yes, though it was brief. I was a kid (okay, pre-teen, w/e) still in my separation anxiety from Mom phase and it was literally because of me we had to go home. I still feel shitty about it, though no one seemed upset at me. How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? Who the fuck even knows anymore. Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? No; N/A; yes ultimately but no at the current moment because I have to keep watch over Mom. If you wear make-up, which brand of foundation/powder do you use? N/A Would you call yourself a “people” person? Nope. What is one change you need to make in your life this month? Just one??? What’s been tugging on your heart lately? My PTSD plus self-image has been very, very bad. What is the last thing you did that made you feel guilty? Mom had to clean up my cat’s projectile vomit even though she’s supposed to stay away from this kinda stuff through chemo. I literally cannot fucking touch vomit, never mind what came out of him that night. I felt like absolute fucking shit and I still do because WOW I’m a great adult right!! Do you have any physical traits that are bothering you lately? Like, everything. What kind of dog is your favorite? I’m biased to beagles. What was the last thing you received in the mail? A book. What is the last thing you wrote? Like, physically? My signature at the doctor’s office. Do you still care about the person you first kissed? Way fucking more than I should. Do you require a lot of private time? Definitely more than most people. Do you have any songs currently stuck in your head? I haven’t listened to it in forever for ~reasons~, yet “The Mortician’s Daughter” is stuck in my head badly and really needs to fuck off. What was the last song you downloaded? I dunno, I went on a download binge a while back. Have you ever read a really funny book? I remember at least one. “Bite Me” by IDR-Who. Some vampire satire. Have you ever done something humiliating while drunk? Never reached the point of being drunk. How would you react if your celebrity crush came to your door? fuckin YIKES I am NOT attractive rn go away Has your mom/dad ever walked in on you kissing or anything more with someone? HAHA my mom has always had the decency to knock, not so much his mom a;lwkejrewoei but the answer’s still no. What electronics are in your room? (DVD player, CD player, etc) This laptop, my phone, a Nintendo DS, my iPod… Do you have a box anywhere with special items you'll to keep forever in it? Yes, actually. Grew up calling them “treasure boxes.” Do you have any pictures of yourself on your bedroom walls? Lol no, I’d definitely prefer to not see myself as much as I can. That sounds melodramatic, but I’m being serious. It either depresses me or makes me angry. Does your dad collect anything? The Cleveland Browns’ football team stuff, for one. Maybe Carolina Hurricane stuff, too? Idk. I don’t live with him and don’t go in his “man cave” at his house often ha ha. What's better, a desktop or laptop? Explain. A laptop. Portable; that’s all the explanation ya really need. Do your parents still hide chocolate eggs around on Easter for you? Nah. What do you typically do on Easter Day? We go to my sister’s house to watch the kids do their egg hunting and open their gifts, then we usually go to Ashley’s in-laws’ for dinner. Is there anyone you literally need to exist? Apparently not. Thought so. Never let yourself into that state of mind. What would you prefer to get from a guy/girl: flowers, a hand-written poem, a picture he drew of you or a nice night out? Oh, a hand-written poem would wreck me, yeesh. Or a drawing. But any would be very sweet. Do you remember why you made the last mistake you did? I don’t know the most recent mistake, but probably because I’m just in general a terrified person who second-guesses or overanalyzes everything. Did you check how many calories the last thing you ate had? Yes. I’m back on my calorie-counting obsession again. Are your nails long or short? Short, always. I can’t keep them long. What is your favorite kind of cookie? Just the ordinary chocolate chip is fine. What was the last compliment you received? I don’t know. Who will be the next person you kiss? I normally delete this question because the answer should be so obvious, but I feel like just pointing it out that no one fucking knows who they’re gonna kiss next. It’s a dangerous mindset. Don’t make assumptions about what you’ll have even tomorrow. Have you ever made your own icon? Yeah, on many sites. They’re just about always just edits, though, not truly original work. What color is your computer mouse? It’s black. Have you ever been sung to on your birthday in a restaurant? Yes. Do you like black olives? I don’t like olives period. Do you actually think there will be a zombie apocolypse? Personally, no. I do think it’s scientifically possible, we already see this in insects, but I just don’t imagine it happening to humans before we’re our own downfall. Do you like the person you’ve become over the past years? Fuck no. Have you ever gone to church just to get a significant other? … No…? Have you ever punched a wall out of complete anger? No, that shit is terrifying. Are you really ticklish? YES don’t fucking touch me. How do you decide what you're going to eat each day? I just follow what I’m craving that day. How are you similar to your siblings? Different? Compared to Ashley and Nicole at least, I can’t think of any real similarities off the top of my head. They’re intelligent, motivated, outgoing, successful, yada yada, then there’s me. What's your favorite type of non-fiction literature? Autobiographies by people I’m actually interested in. Do you believe in souls? Soulmates? Souls, absolutely. Soulmates, no. It’s fairytale ideation to think your soul has a perfect match with another, hate to break it to ya. Favorite soundtrack? BITCH don’t make me choose between Shadow of the Colossus and Silent Hill 2. Fucking masterpieces. Pianos or guitars? *shrugs* Depends on the music and my mood. Did an animal ever bite you? Never seriously. How many languages do you speak? Only English fluently. I’m poor at German by now. Wiggly worms or bumble bees? Worms gross me out, bees are Good Boys. Religion? I don’t really identify with any. I just believe there’s some form of ultimate intelligence and essences beyond just the body, and that’s all I even pretend to know. Fog, thunder, or rain? Fog gives me that Silent Hill Vibe *Italian kiss* What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? The way I treated Jason after the breakup. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Damn pollen. Do you know anyone else with your name? Yeah. What would you be most afraid of happening if you were to visit Africa? Viruses or botflies. Where are you tempted to move to sometimes? I very legitimately want to live in Canada by now, but I won’t because I’m not moving that far from family. Who seems like they have the perfect life? I try not to make that assumption of anyone. Do you ever take pictures of negative moments? Does taking pictures of roadkill count???? lmao probably Do you think it would be a good idea to post photos of negative moments as well as positive? Well… I guess it depends. Like ngl, the pictures some people share of them having panic attacks to just show how fucking real they are definitely touch you, as do those depicting poverty, etc., BUT I really do think there are limits and also differences in motivations. What time zone are you in? EST. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? Wow, speaking of. No. ^Why or why not? I am an UGLY cry-er, my man. But I also just don’t want people to see that, and it’s definitely not on my mind to take a picture during a breakdown. What was the last thing you cried about? My life. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yes. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yes. Where do you buy calendars from? I don’t. Do you shop at the dollar store often? Not *often*, but we’ll stop by for a snack or something sometimes. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. Do you feel you missed out on a lot as a kid? I guess in some ways. Who was that best friend you ever had? Sara. What color is your laptop? Black. What are five careers you think you’d be good at? My work history has shown I can’t do shit right. Are you thriving in your life right now? lmao no one is in 2020. Who do you have moral support from? My family, doctor, and a few friends. Who encourages you to go after your dreams? The same as above. Do you have people in your family who want you dead? Wow, I hope not. Do you have a walk-in closet? No, but my room at the new house will. :’) Not that I need one, it’s just pretty cool. How do you feel about people like Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and Jeff Bezos having so much power and control in the world? Do you believe that any one person should have so much power? Let’s be real, in our current world, money is power, and no one should have that much control of the world, especially if your intentions are bad. NOW I don’t know jack shit about any of those are far as morals go, but just saying. It’s dangerous. Has your anxiety alone ever prevented you from doing something you wanted to do? This is ACTUALLY the story of my fucking life. Do you enjoy reading stories and novels that are heavily stylistic, poetic, or unconventional or do you prefer your prose to follow a familiar grammatical structure? Okay, I LOVE those, like Johnny Got His Gun and The Handmaid’s Tale that’s kinda like, run-on writing. Just letting a train of thought go. Those are two of the most powerful books I’ve ever read and they’re both written in a unique fashion. Have you ever fallen for any sort of Internet-based hoax? (e.g., fake celeb death, satire news article…) I’m sure at some point, especially as a kid. Do you tend to read reviews before you watch a movie or read a book? What do you hope to get out of doing so? NO. I don’t wanna have any precognition. When you go to a concert, how far must you travel for the most usual venues you visit? Most are on the other end of the state, and NC is long, so. We’re lucky if they come to Raleigh. Do you rent movies frequently? I never do, really. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Take pictures or swim. What’s your favorite meal to cook? I don’t cook. What movie has been taken WAY too far, as far as sequels go? Oh, I’m sure there are some, but none immediately come to mind. I’m not that into movies. Do you refuse to eat certain foods because of what they look like? Yes. I am VERY poor at getting past how a food looks. What are you listening to? NSP’s cover of “Don’t Fear The Reaper.” It’s fuckin gorgeous. How much homework do you have tonight? N/A Are you wearing any bracelets? Yes; one that Sara got me as well as an ovarian cancer awareness one. What's physically wrong with you right now? JINKIES I just feel really lethargic like always. Do you take any medications daily? Ha ha thanks for actually reminding me I need to now. When was the last time you moved to a new house? Two years ago, and now we’ll be moving to a much better place by the end of this month/early September, finally. When it comes to relationships, are you the jealous type? Nah. Which gift cards do you have in your wallet? Idk actually. It’s not like I use it a lot. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? A few nights ago. I was extremely hot, dizzy, and pretty nauseated. I was fine, though. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? Does your make-up stay for a long time after you first apply it, or do you find that you need to reapply often? Are you wearing any make-up atm? I pretty much never wear makeup so have never really had a reason to reapply it. I’m definitely not wearing any now. Does your kitchen have a theme? No. Do you like ice cream sandwiches? GIRL yes. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. They’re more comfortable imo but more importantly block out exterior noise very well. Are you a fan of any independent films? ngl, I don’t know exactly what that is and I don’t feel like looking it up. Could you possibly write a successful novel? I very genuinely think some of the RP stories I’ve taken part in are novel-worthy, yes. I wanted to make them books when I was younger, but now I no longer do mainly because there are areas that are just way too fucking dark that I don’t wanna put out there but play massive parts in the stories, so like… Do you regularly watch the news? I never do. Facebook is my “news” source lmao. Who was the last person you video-chatted with? I don’t remember for sure, maybe some doctor? What do you want the theme of your wedding to be? I don’t really think about this, seeing as my mind has changed enough, and it also depends on what my partner wants, too. Have you ever been caught passing a note in class? Noooo, I absolutely hated passing notes because I was genuinely a good student. I only did so very, very rarely if another friend started it. Have you ever had dandruff? I have dandruff AND a dry scalp. It’s a wonderful mix. Have you ever gone through a phase of crushing on EVERYONE? Definitely not. Do you have any clothes with spikes/studs on them? I have a spiked choker, and I might still have gloves with studs? Can you remember what you last clapped for? My mom’s birthday! :’) Have you ever given a pet to someone else? Yes, with cats; we had to do that quite often when I was a kid because we had so many cats, none which we could afford to fix. Then we’ve done it with two dogs we just couldn’t handle. Oh yeah, I gave my iguana away too because he was too high maintenance for me, but also because he DESPERATELY needed a much bigger terrarium, which we couldn’t afford. I absolutely could not watch him in that tiny tank. I miss him a LOT, but he went to a wonderful home! The lady who adopted him sent me pictures upon pictures months after taking him in. Do you know anyone named Walter? No. What's your least favorite ice-cream flavor? Strawberry is fucking disgusting. And that’s coming from someone whose favorite fruit is strawberries. What's your least favorite song by your favorite artist? I’m not sure. There’s a handful that just don’t grab my attention that I don’t even remember them. What was the last good news you heard? I can FINALLY talk to my psychiatrist tomorrow. Who’s your favorite singer of all time? Probably Freddie Mercury. What airline do you fly most? Idk, I don’t really pay attention. I haven’t flown very often though anyway. Do you have a dog that is destructive? I don’t have a dog. What’s one TV series you’ve seen every episode of? Meerkat Manor is the most obvious, ha ha. Maaaaany times. Assuming you have Facebook, who last left you a wallpost? Probably my friend Sammi. Assuming you have hair, how are you wearing it today? It’s too short for me to “wear” it any particular way. It’s just… there lmao. Assuming you're not homeless, what kind of living arrangements do you have? I live with my mom in a house she’s renting. Have you or have you ever considered messing around with the same sex? I’m bisexual so you can guess I’m not opposed to it. Are you particular about any brands of food you will or will not eat? Are there any restaurants you refuse to go to? Brands, no. I don’t eat Chick-fil-a because they’re run by fucking homophobic bigots that monetarily support conversion therapy and other anti-LGBT projects. I’m not giving you any fucking money. What was the most current dream you can remember about? Do you generally dream every night, or hardly at all? It was actually last night, when I dreamed about accidentally running into Jason where I last knew he worked, and he was really hostile. If I don’t take my medicine, I always have nightmares when I sleep.

[salty-donut-collecter]

Why Stay?

Act II, Part One

Twenty-Seven   {Masterlist}   Part Two

Chapter Word Count: 1,652

Trigger Warnings: Anxiety mentioned, yelling, talk about bones breaking, insults

Please tell me if I need to tag anything else :)

*Also, I’m planning on having this story as a slow burn, so please be prepared :)

Prompts: “Do I look like I give a fuck?”, “I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I’m feeling a lot of  it.”, and “Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.”

A/N: It’s been a bit, but I’m glad I have a system for this stuff now! Lmao this story is gonna have you guys dying, but I hope you like it nonetheless. 

Happy reading! (Also, feel free to comment your thoughts! I love reading comments :))

Also, if you’d like to be added to the tags list, please let me know! :D

_____________________________________________________

You woke up on Saturday morning, a headache forming as you tried to remember what you’d dreamed.

“Whatever,” you mumbled, getting up and stumbling around in the dark until you got into the dark hallway.

Jesus, what time is it? You wondered, looking around at how dark it was. You looked at your smartwatch (something Katie had left in your room for Christmas), sighing as it read 1:22 am because you knew there was no chance you would be able to go back to sleep now.

Okay… you took a deep breath, I guess today is just going to be a lot longer than planned.

And indeed it would.

Now, you didn’t really think the day was long…. Until Micheal called a “family meeting”, which really just meant y’all had to sit in a room and listen to him before discussing a topic he’d introduced. (The last topic you’d witnessed was furries and kinks because he wanted to see Steven die a little on the inside. (You all know he’s a kinky bastard at heart))

You sighed, wondering how long this one would take because you’d been getting ready to try and sleep again. However, you were intrigued to find he was holding a meeting in one of the kitchen rooms, which was just a room with a huge ass table that could fit the whole family. (So this would be the equivalent to a normal family’s kitchen table.)

You sighed and made your way up there, making sure to be the last person in the room so you could sit next to Micheal, letting Maverick take the right side, while you sat on his left.

“Okay, so I know it hasn’t been that long since Y/n’s been back,” Micheal gave a little eye roll, “Buut, I also don’t care.” he shrugged, holding a hand around his torso in a way you found particularly interesting.

“So, due to my inability to give a shit, and my abundant need to call family meetings, I decided to quell my raging curiosity,” Micheal smirked a little, clearing his throat and demolishing all visible joy as quickly as it came. He then proceeded to open his jacket, extract a familiar folder from under his shirt, and toss it far onto the table, where it flew open and spread its’ contents out for everyone to see.

“So,” Micheal looked at you, his contact lenses red because he was into that, “Care to tell me what this is?”

You had no doubt in your mind that he had already read it, and been furious about it. This told you he already knows everything in that folder by heart, and he was ready to both defend you, and rip the team a new one, which was something you actually found refreshing.

“It’s a file of the information I gathered to quell my own curiosity, actually.” You mused, sitting back and letting your feet sit up on the table. Your chair tipped a bit, but you didn’t mind it much.

Clint was doing the same things, actually. You had a small leaning competition as the conversation continued.

“What were you curious about?” He asked, already knowing the answer.

You smirked, taking a break from you small competition as you sat upright again, “I thought you had powers, actually, and no one gave me the answers I needed to make a proper conclusion.” You shrugged, “So I looked into it myself and got kicked out of the Teen Titans.”

Steve glared at you, “Nobody kicked you out, Y/n. You left because you didn’t want to face the consequences of your actions.”

You chuckled, “Sorry, I didn’t know getting my jaw broken by your shield in a world I made just for you was an invitation to stay and continue to be an Avenger…” You looked up quizzically, “Come to think of it, accusing me of killing people behind your back because I’m an apparent rage monster also didn’t seem like a part of the welcome wagon-- wow, Steve, if you’re so good with etiquette and I’m so bad with it, you should probably teach me-- oh wait, you did, didn’t you? After I’d just gotten here? I’m sorry I failed as a student. It’s just so--”

“Y/n, that’s enough.” Rhodey deadpanned, glaring at you from next to an already peeved Tony. Guess they didn’t get much sleep either. “We’re all happy to have you back, trust me.”

Clint laughed, “Wow, Rhodey, that’s rich!” he sat up, arms softly landing at the table as he looked at the Iron Patriot, “You really wanna go down that route? The whole: yeah, we’re happy to see you again, even though we literally accused you of being a psycho killer last time we talked, but hey! It’s all good now, right? Cause Jesus Christ dude!” Clint laughed, “She literally ran around the fucking w o r l d so she could get a break from our fugly mugs. So I say we give her one. There’s no need to drag this on, Steve.  Little girls wouldn’t be leaving Christmas presents in her room if she was a horrible person.” Clint rolled his eyes, already done with the conversation that’d just started.

“Barton, we’re trying to--” Vision started

“Don’t give me that logical bullshit cause that’s not happening right now. You, Vision, can logic your way into and out of this, but them? Yeah, no. They don’t have the goals you do, and it’s fucking time you realize how biased they are.”

“Okay, but my husband was literally the Winter Soldier.” Steve deadpanned.

Clint gave him the weirdest smile, “And he had a type of microsurgery done on him that was very painful and unsafe to get HYDRA out of his head.” his smile dropped, “We fucking been knowing about your husband, Steve. The thing is, no one cares anymore because he took care of that problem as a consenting adult.”

“I don't need a surgery.” You gave the people at the table a weird look, wondering if the kids should’ve been invited to this conversation. You felt a small finger tap your lower shoulder. You flinched, but calmed down when you saw Katie.

She motioned for you to come closer, so you leaned down to her level.

“Can I sit in your lap?” She whispered, lifting her arms up so you could lift her.

You chuckled, “Of course, my smol bean.” you replied, gently grabbing her under her armpits and lifting her into your lap, where you’d crossed your legs so she’d be comfortable. You looked over to see Chloe itching at her arms. She’s getting anxious.

“Okay but guys,” Micheal’s voice somehow transpiring over everyone else’s with great intensity. “You’re failing to answer my question.” He looked down at you, as if knowing something you should know too. (Really you thought of it as only half of “sharing a knowing look”)

You just shake your head, nothing coming to mind for now. He also shook his head, disappointed in you for some reason.

Micheal turned to the rest of the adults, looking peeved as per usual.

“Why. Didn’t. You. Tell. Me?” He asked, changing the question to better their ability to answer.

Everyone was quiet. The less everyone spoke, the more upset you got with their inability to take responsibility for their forgivable mistakes. You understood the fact that it was a hard thing to do sometimes, but this was getting fucking ridiculous.

“Okay, I get that this is hard for you but honestly grow the fuck up.” you snapped, your eyes rolling as you moved Katie over a little bit. It’s not like you needed to be screaming in her ear-- she didn’t do anything wrong and was too cute for that anyway.

“Y/n there’s more to this than--” Stephen started, but the excuses were honestly too annoying to listen to again.

“That I obviously know about cause I’m a stupid teenager.” You angrily sighed, “So I’ve heard. However, I’ll also say that we can’t do shit about the other things at hand if you’ve never bothered to-- I dunno-- talk about them?” You huffed, your knee bouncing as you try to maintain your composure. Katie is looking more anxious by the minute.

“Y/n, will you be okay?” Katie asked.

You gave her a sorrowful look. You were almost mad at Micheal for bringing her and Chloe into this.

“Yeah, I’ll be okay sweet pea,” you assure her, sounding sweeter than honey on top of Turkish delight.

Your gaze returned to the conversation at hand, which had actually gotten really heated within the couple of seconds you’d left for. Okay then.

“I don’t have to explain myself to an overgrown lab rat.” Stephen snapped, pointing at Pietro from his place at the table.

You stood up, Katie in your arms for only a moment before you quickly set her down. “Stephen, we don’t need to turn this into a fight.” You cautioned, your eyes starring the Master of The Mystic Arts with a flash of anger.

“She’s right, Stephen.” Tony was also standing, looking at Strange with quite the opposite look. You hadn’t seen Tony look that concerned for someone in a while.

The air was tense. Having so many emotions in one room was bound to create trouble, but the type of trouble was a mystery to everyone, causing a subtle fear that only stirred the pot more.

“Stephen, what kind of trouble are you talking about?” Steve jumped in, also standing.

You were surprised by his random aid to your side of the argument, but you decided that it was the least of your worries right now. Your hand gently squeezed Katie’s, momentarily reassuring her after hearing her softly whimper.

Stephen glared at Steve, as if wondering if he should answer him honestly, or tell him to shut the fuck up because he’s been nothing but unhelpful this entire time.

Well, you were screwed.  

_____

Taglist: @introvertedsin @galacticalstarcat @acidrain707

[rosyerim]

nct 127 as your best friend

taeil

is literally a grandmother

you’re the person he goes to everytime he doesn't understand something slang wise

“y/n,,,mark called me the goat,,,is that good or bad?”

“today jisung called me a bro but i’m not his actual brother, should i tell him?”

also needs you to explain memes to him

“johnny just sent me a picture of a trashcan and said mood should i be concerned?”

“why do you keep sending me kermit pictures, i do not get it”

but he’s the cutest bean alive

hugs you all the time!! hello hug, goodbye hug, i appreciate you hug, all the hugs!!

has the voice of an actual angel

he gets super shy when you ask him to sing but will belt out whatever song you want

also plays the guitar whenever you visit him at the dorms or at practice & attempts to each you

he encourages you to sing with him, whether you can or not not doesn’t matter, he likes it when you two are screeching the lyrics to your favourite song together

loves eating your food, even if you can’t cook, he appreciates it!!

scolds you if you don’t do your homework or leave dishes in the sink, he is a lil granny hehe

johnny

you call him beanstalk so he calls you jack, even if you’re a girl he doens’t care lol, together you’re jack and the beanstalk

sends you memes throughout the day when he has time, he just feels like you have to see them or else he’ll combust

he always messes up your hair whenever you say horton hears a who

makes you tune in to nct night night everynight & will literally quiz you on what he was talking with jaehyun about

always giggles when you hype up his singing voice and dancing

he did’t spend all that time in the dungeon for nothing

whenever you two go out and get separated you just shout “oh daddy” and he’ll find you

almost died laughing when you worse his shoes before, he’s literally bigfoot

has the ugliest photos of you on his phone but he says they make him feel better about himself

but then you just send him his predebut pics and he shuts up real quick lmao

never ask his opinion on your outfit unless you want him to just

*inhale* johNNYS FASHION EVALUATION *exhale*

3am meme wars

literally kills you with his pun, doesn’t matter where you are

johnny, holding up a pie: “hey y/n you’re such a cutie pie!”

johnny, with a bag of candy: “these may be sweet but you’re even sweeter!”

johnny;"if you were a booger i’d pick you first”

johnny; “h-” “say another word johnny seo and i would fucking cut you”

you’re highkey done with him but you don’t know what you do without him

and vice versa <3

taeyong

sometimes you want to smack him because he keeps overworking himself!! & you want him to rest!!! but he doesn’t listen

 so most of the time when he has a day off you just go over to the dorms with takeaway and spend the day watching that anime he hasn’t shut up about

but he loves how much you take care of him (he won’t admit it tho)

he usually comes to you if he has a problem or just needs to rant & you listen every time!!

he loves when you send him random pictures of dogs you see because he misses his own dog ruby

he laughs so hard when you attempt to rap his parts in songs, esp in chain like,,,im convinced taeyong has gills because of how fast he raps

calls you randomly in the middle of the day just because he wants to hear your voice (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

cutest little man alive, if you’re happy he’s happy, always giggles at your puns even if they’re bad

also brings you with him when he gets a piercing, so he can squeeze your hand 

pouts when you say any member is better looking than him as a joke

“but i’m the center,,,(ಥ﹏ಥ)“ then he brings out the puppy dog eyes so ofc you take it back

he’s also super caring towards you and will fight anybody who makes you sad

yuta

sassiest man alive & will roast tf out of you

but its okay you roast him back so your entire friendship is just insulting each other

but nobody else can insult you, otherwise yuta gets angry >:[ & vice versa

judges you when you wear his jumpers because only he can make it look good

makes you watch anime with him but without the subtitles & unless you speak japanese, you’re going to be bored for ages

tries out shitty pick up lines on you they’re for winwin

all the members aid yuta is like a hot pouch so he lets you cling to him during winter or when it’s cold because he doesn’t want his bestie getting a cold smh

then’d he have to take care of you rip

comes whining to you everytime winwin rejects him but also wont accept your love???

teaches you little phrases in japanese and dies when you repeat them but butcher them 

also asks for your opinion on his outfits & piercings

“y/n should i go with the cross earrings or hoop?”

“neither you’re too ugly”

“not as ugly as you”

you two fight like cat and dog but deep down he’s a total softie for you aw

doyoung

another sassy man but only roasts you if he feels you’re being annoying

whenever you’re sad tho, doyoung makes you your favourite meal & mAYHaps you cried at how thoughtful he is

treats you like you’re his little brother

he pushes you off the couch because he find’s your reaction funny rip

but whenever he goes away on tour he always comes back with hella souvenirs just for you

doesn’t let you near jeno because “you’ll taint him!!” but he gives jeno your number as an emergency contact???

he’ll randomly text you that he’s coming over then show up two seconds later & you two end up blasting bazzi all day while he bitches to you about the other members lol

when you cook, even if you’re good or bad, he’ll always be hovering over your shoulder and telling you that you’re doing something wrong, jokingly

then he’ll eat up the whole dish & tell you it was horrible #justdoyoungthings

judges you silently whenever you bring up an ex he never liked but still lends you his shoulder to cry on if you get upset

if you ever call him sad he’ll be over to yours in about 5 seconds with your favourite snack and let you pick movies for you two to watch

sends you random clips of him singing during the day & gets all bashful when you say you love his voice

you got him a toy bunny for his birthday and despite him saying he hates it, he brings it with him whenever he goes on tour & sleeps w it :’)

jaehyun

marine boy

glares at you every time you call him jeffery

you always ask him wtf is his skincare routine but he just laughs & says “perish :)”

sings you to sleep with his voice actually from HEAVEN because you called him when you had a bad dream & he’s hella smug because you trust him that much(▰˘◡˘▰)

doesn’t get annoyed when you poke his dimple, he’s find its cute how you find it cute which you find cute and you’re both just C U T E

encourages you to tune in to nct night night but will highkey be sad if you don’t 

you two always stay up super late talking to each other on the phone because his voice is so soothing and he thinks the same about you until one of you end up falling asleep like (´﹃｀)

he has so many screenshots of you fast asleep on facetime and he sets the funniest one as his lockscreen, so when hes away he can look at it & remember you’re there for him (⺣◡⺣)♡

lets you borrow his jumpers but only if you really need it like he’s not giving you his tommy hilfiger jacket unless you forgot your own jacket and its -374873 degrees outside lol

also p cuddly with you since he’s so comfortable around you

like you’d just be chilling at the dorms and he’ll lay his head down on your lap & you’ll start running your hand through his hair as he dozes off

or when you two go out to eat he’ll loop his arm your shoulders whilst you walk & wouldn’t even bat an eyelid

you two get mistaken for a couple so much you end up just shrugging it off because lol their opinion doesn’t matter

your friendship is important to each other all thats all that really matters

winwin

only likes getting dotted on by you

when the other members yuta smother him with love hes just ( ¬_¬)

but when you do, he’s like (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

he attempts to teach you his wushu skills and his cool flexible tricks but you just end up dislocating something lol

he ends up switching to chinese whenever he rants to you & unless you speak chinese you’re basically listening to an angry winwin for about 20 mins

but so long as he gets it off his chest you don’t mind :))

do not let the boy near a kitchen he will literally set it on fire

for your birthday he tried making moon cakes but ended up burning his hand (つ﹏<。)

but you still appreciated the thought & he bought you take away 

he gets a bit down sometimes because of how little lines he has & sometimes he thinks he’s voice isnt that good but you reassure him every time that his voice!!is amazing!!! sm just need to get their shit together sm more like smh

he loves it when you speak to him in chinese, it makes him feel so at home awe

likes to fall asleep on you because you’re the most comfortable thing to him

doesn’t matter where or when because to him

your lap= free real estate

you two also get mistaken for a couple sometimes but winwin just nods hugs you close to prove his point & you two always die from laughter afterwards

he always listens to you though so whenver winwin is moody, taeyong calls you to give out to him so he goes from (-`д´-) to (￣^￣)ゞ real quick

winwin loves you & you love him too

jungwoo

softest boy 

whenever you meet up with him you don’t say hi, you just do his part from boss then he walks away from you lol

you always encourage him to speak up, esp. when he’s with a bunch of people

since he has a habit of copying what people say you say the most complicated words in english

“superkajafrjalisticaxosjdapefwfnls”

“super fuck off y/n”

your entire friendship consists of either eating at your place or eating out at some random all you can eat buffet

super supportive of you even when you do stupid things, you look over at him and hes just d(￣▽￣o) “you do you y/n”

sends you selfies of him so you can fawn over his beauty & tell him which pose suits him best

claps like a seal whenever you say something funny but gets pouty when you make fun of it

super affectionate with you & glares at anybody who comments on it, like jungwoo just wants to be close with his bestie, is that wrong?

is lowkey protective of you like if he thinks lucas is tryna make a move, jungwoo will swoop tf in and whisk you away to the safety of his room

you two end up cuddle under the blankets watching his favorite movie & he ends up dozing off

does aegyo whenever you get mad at him so you can’t really stay mad, he’s just too cute

mark

always goes to your first whenever he writes a rap because he values your opinion a lot & you’re honest with him

lots of inside jokes which just consists of you two giggling to each other randomly

needs you to tell him to take a break because of how much he works

if he doesn’t listen you threaten to feed him sour candy

but you’re super duper proud of your canadian bestie, when he preforms on stage you’re deadass in the crowd like

“thats my bEST FRIEND!!!(´⌣`ʃƪ)“

pouts when he tries to call you & you don’t pick up 

he wanted to tell you about the fluffy dog he saw a minute ago!!

but texts you nonetheless & you wake up to 36 messages describing the texture of the dogs fur and how it barked

but you loved how weird mark was, the weirder he was the more comfortable he was and it was just so cute

doesn't care if you steal his jumpers, he has about 300 but will not let you touch his caps, they are his prized possessions 

he doesn’t even try roast you because of how many memes of him you can send back 

you always tell him how much you miss his ramen hair 

he laughs at anything so you could literally cough and he’d cry from laughing but thats what makes him so endearing

you call him seagull boy to annoy him & it works lol

gets shy when you watch his dance at practice & ends up making mistakes but nobody is mad about it hehe

you also refer to him as long ass ride boy or sing sang sung boy 

he threatens to block you irl 

tries to teach you how to play guitar but you end up purposefully messing it up and he cringes so badly lol

but mark is your best friend and nothing will change that

haechan

he is That Bitch

always comes to you first when he has tea on the members

“y/n bitCH, mArk actually flirted w winwin infront of me, i’m cancelling him smh”

random dance competitions at 4 in the morning are a must, he always ends up beating you （πーπ）

also snaps you selfies of him randomly because he wants you to hype him up

which you do obviously

also texts you almost everyday & keeps you updated on what hes doing

“i’m at a cafe w my hyungs tday!!”

“omg i have a shoot @5am​ i’m going to d i e”

“come over and make me ramen pesant”

buT he looooves when you baby him

before you leave the dorms after hanging out, he makes you tuck him in & give him a lil smooch on the forehead goodnight awee ( ˘ ³˘)

but would die if you ever told his hyungs s you swear not too plus it’s good blackmail for you hehe

you always say “ohmgod its michael jackson hehe” whenever you two meet up and homeboy loves it so he moonwalks over to you

he’ll randomly challenge you to singing competitions of who can hit the highest note haechan and whose voice will break first yours

also cuddles with you all the times, you’re his personal teddy bear & will snap back at the members if they try comment on it

“you’re just mad nobody will let you touch them mark”

the most savage best friend but only lets you baby him aw

[gratiasancti]

100 PERSONAL QUESTIONS

because @ineffablequestion​ decided to really put my patience to the test today . not that i mind , ily .

1. What is your middle name ?

maria 

2. How old are you ?

23 as of right now !

3. When is your birthday?

oct. 19th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

libra waddup

5. What is your favorite color?

i don’t really have one ? muted colours probably

6. What’s your lucky number?

again, can’t say i have one but maybe 29

7. Do you have any pets?

a dod and a horse

8. Where are you from?

finland / uk

9. How tall are you?

174 cm

10. What shoe size are you?

eu 39-40

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

like seven, if you don’t count my collection of riding shoes and boots. oxfords, brogues, wellies, trainers, and the rest are probably heels. as for riding boots, a lot.

12. What was your last dream about?

that i was late from work and got thrown in a tar pit because of it. and then i sold my old history teacher 500€ worth of alcohol and lottery tickets.

13. What talents do you have?

none?? unlimited sarcasm, idk

14. Are you psychic in any way?

i’m not sure if i believe in this stuff

15. Favorite song?

honestly, anything from hippo campus or glass animals.

16. Favorite movie?

the grand budapest hotel

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

someone who counteracts some of my anxiety and excitedness with a calm and, when needed, firm character but is still funny and can be themselves. preferably someone who i feel is my intellectual equal, and we can share everything with each other. maybe a bit older than myself, but not by much. other than that, i really don’t care.

18. Do you want children?

currently, i can’t see myself ever having kids. just doesn’t seem like my thing. especially babies. maybe adopting or fostering could be an option, but only if i was sure i could give the child a good home.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

i don’t think i want to get married

20. Are you religious?

not particularly

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

maaaaaaany times. multiple riding accidents, broken bones, a car crash. then just being an idiot in general. and chronic back problems.

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

apart from once forgetting to pay for the underground and getting an 80€ fine, no.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

i’ve met and had dinner with two different finnish presidents and some other ‘upper class’ people but other than that, no. 

24. Baths or showers?

one of those rain shower things

25. What color socks are you wearing?

i have no socks !!!

26. Have you ever been famous?

uhhhh not in the literal sense of the word but i’ve been infamous at school when i was like 15. made a meme of one of our teachers that went low key viral in our city.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

definitely not in the hollywood sense of things. 

28. What type of music do you like?

a lot of things. anything, really, depending on the time of day and if i’m feeling particularly emo.

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

that’s like the only type of swimming finnish people partake in. naked in the sauna, naked in the lake/ocean. so yes, multiple times a year jhdsnhb

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

currently like five

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

either on my back or on my stomach. depends on what place hurts that day lmao.

32. How big is your house?

closer to 400 m^2 . i still live with my parents but will move into my own flat in six months, once it’s ready. that’s going to be appx 70 m^2.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

i know its a bad habit but i often dont have breakfast. if i do it's usually fruit and yoghurt or some toast.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

yes

35. Have you ever tried archery?

yes. fun fact; my cousin has won the european championchip ( in some form of archery idk ) like twice , i think. 

36. Favorite clean word?

defenestrate

37. Favorite swear word?

fuck. i use it Too Much™

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

can’t remember the exact amount of hours but we were sailing and our shifts got messed up to the point where i had either not slept at all or slept so little in like four days i was genuinely hallucinating. almost jumped into the sea because i thought i dropped my life vest,,, which i was wearing.

39. Do you have any scars?

a few. dumbest one probably when i rode in my shorts but used a saddle and rubbed the skin off of my calf. also from hay work, those little dots that look almost like moles.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

not that i know of

41. Are you a good liar?

yes, unfortunately. it’s a bad habit in the sense that i tell a lot of white lies when i could genuinely tell the truth with no consequence. like, it would be the one and the same.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

also yes. i’ve seen some shit. also i have surprisingly good people skills.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

i can speak english in my normal accent which is kind of queen’s english (?) upper class idk, then in world’s english ( so basically no accent / neutral ) and then in finnish (rally) english .  i can also speak swedish with a rikssvenska (standard swedish ???) accent and then finlandssvenska which is finnish swedish (and an actual thing lmao). also i can butcher a norwegian or danish accent in swedish if i really try. my finnish is very neutral, but it does vary a bit depending on what city i’m in.

oh, and also a shitty southern american accent. 

44. Do you have a strong accent?

if i let it shine through, yes, but i tend toward world english because anything else scares finns. but when i speak finnish (which is most of the time) i don’t really have an accent. maybe you can hear that i’m not 100% finnish but that’s about it.

45. What is your favorite accent?

i don’t really have one ! all accents are really fascinating.

46. What is your personality type?

entj-a

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

i have a few expensive dresses, and then of course my riding clothes which cost ridiculous amounts of money because fuck everyone who likes horses, i guess. like excuse me but why is it normalised that you pay over 1000€ for a helmet??? anything less and you’re a peasant.

48. Can you curl your tongue?

mmmmyeah. 

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie!

50. Left or right handed?

pretty much ambidextrous, though i prefer to write with my left but do everything else mostly with my right. my handwriting doesn’t differ too much from left to write.

51. Are you scared of spiders?

yes. ew. and we’re lucky to only have tiny ones in finland !

52. Favorite food?

ummmmm. currently carelian pie maybe?? idk such a good snack.

53. Favorite foreign food?

squints??? sushi????

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

depends. often too lazy to clean but incredibly stressed and uncomfortable when its messy. meticulous about all the wrong things.

55. Most used phrase?

either some form of keysmash or “FUCK”. also in finnish either “voi jumalauta” or “voi saatana” which both basically translate to “jesus fucking christ”.

56. Most used word?

also fuck. this really must say something about me smdh.

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

really depends. sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes two hours. on a normal day w/ shower and moderate make up, 15-25 minutes.

58. Do you have much of an ego?

depends really. i hope i don’t!

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

whomst the FUCK bites lollipops ?!?!?!

60. Do you talk to yourself?

i’ve only recently started. it’s terrifying.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

when driving if i’m listening to music, yeah

62. Are you a good singer?

honestly, no clue. i don’t really sing in front of people so i haven’t gotten opinions.

63. Biggest Fear?

failure.

64. Are you a gossip?

not about my friends, ever. but i will definitely listen to any tea you want to spill.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

idk does kingsman count as dramatic?? the first one was hilarious.

66. Do you like long or short hair?

both have their perks!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

LMAO i can name like 3 if i really try.

68. Favorite school subject?

history, english lang & lit, economics.

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

extrovert but i get tired easily

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

yes ! we go to the maldives once in a while, because finland doesn’t offer much in terms of diving sites.

71. What makes you nervous?

not a lot of things? i guess some responsibilities. things left for me to do even if someone else was supposed to do them.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

a dark room ? no. a dark forest at midnight ? hell yess. finnish winter darkness is terrifying simply because its so depressing. seasonal depression is real yall.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends. if it’s a trivial mistake and they haven’t asked to be corrected, no. if it makes me or someone else feel bad or just makes any situation worse, then yes. but never unkindly.

74. Are you ticklish?

YES. ugh

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

no. i can’t recall doing so, at least. but i have participated in spreading them.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

yes. at work a couple of times simply out of necessity and also when i took part in MEP. was committee president twice and president of the general assembly once. though idk if that counts since i was like 17 and its all p much play pretend.

oh! and also when i captain our boat. but again, idk if that counts.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

yeah, ever since i was like 16 :/

78. Have you ever done drugs?

no, and never will. not my thing !!

79. Who was your first real crush?

probably a boy from class. i can’t remember, really. i’ve never been too  ‘romantically inclined’ i  suppose.

80. How many piercings do you have?

just my ears, once.

81. Can you roll your Rs?

almost every r in the finnish language is technically rolled so yeah. i feel bad for those finnish people who cant !! makes everything so hard.

82. How fast can you type?

according to this thing 75 words per minute on my first try, so idk how accurate that is.

83. How fast can you run?

not fast. i  hate running, and am very out of practice. 

84. What color is your hair?

idk ? like, light brown ?

85. What color are your eyes?

again, idk. blue/green/grey

86. What are you allergic to?

dogs, cats, birch, and almost anything that flowers in the spring jshbdsjh

87. Do you keep a journal?

not a journal per se but i have a ‘little black book’ which i keep rather meticulously about my thoughts on the day, important things i need to remember, my expenses etc. a habit inherited from my dad. i’ve gone through like six of these in the past few years.

88. What do your parents do?

my mum is a mayor and my dad is a ceo

89. Do you like your age?

yeah !

90. What makes you angry?

injustice.

91. Do you like your own name?

yes !

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

ksjdsjhb no. at this rate i’d end up naming a child crowley or sum shit

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

i don’t want kids but if i did gender would be a non issue

94. What are you strengths?

lmao i have good people skills, work well under pressure, get along with everyone, am determined and ?? a good leader??? idk

95. What are your weaknesses?

i take on too much responsibility, i have anxiety and depression, i get frustrated at my own failures, i’m very self-critical and unforgiving. also no self-control when it comes to rp.

96. How did you get your name?

i think somewhere from my dad’s side, not entirely sure.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

possibly? not sure. but fun fact! a great great grandmother (? or something of the sorts) from my mother’s side actually survived the sinking of the titanic.

98. Do you have any scars?

wasn’t this asked already?

99. Color of your bedspread?

this blue mandala like pattern idk

100. Color of your room?

white and a very mellow blue

[gumnut-logic]

Bad Days

Title: Bad Days

Gentle Rain Series

Author: Gumnut

8 Apr 2019

Fandom: Thunderbirds Are Go 2015/ Thunderbirds TOS

Rating: Teen

Summary: Em Harris has bad days.

Word count: 2064

Spoilers & warnings: Scott/Em

Timeline: Sometime after ‘Gentle Rain”

Author’s note: This is to celebrate Nutty injuring her back again yesterday. We all have bad days and Em more so than some. This is also an example of the fact that things are not always as rosy as they seem. I guess we’d all like a Tracy to come to our rescue sometime :D

Disclaimer: Mine? You’ve got to be kidding. Money? Don’t have any, don’t bother.

-o-o-o-

Em Harris has bad days.

There are days that start shitty and will likely end shitty. Days where she is reminded, that yes, she is paraplegic and look, now a double amputee to polish it all off. Days when the nerve pain gets her down. Days where the bare necessities of survival get ahead of her and existence just sucks.

At home, she would call in sick - her practise has back up plans for this exact reason - they’re doctors, they know the deal. She would hole up at home and just get through the day. If it got really bad, she had the visiting nurse to call. There were ways and strategies to get through the suffering and out the other side. Ways to rebuild her core, reinforce her shields and get herself back out there, usually with a smile to face the world.

It was necessary. It happened. She managed it.

But today she wasn’t at home. Today she was on a sparsely populated island in the middle of the southern Pacific.

She had woken to find Scott gone. This was nothing new. The man was a rescue operative, for crying out loud. IR had callouts around the clock. But the moment she gained consciousness, she knew it was going to be one of those days and just for once she granted herself enough selfishness to wish he was there to hold her and simply tell her it was going to be all right.

But she was Em Bloody Harris and she had been doing this alone for a long time. Get your ass out of bed and get the necessaries done, because not doing the necessaries of paraplegic existence really weren’t worth the neglect.

So she got out of bed and to the bathroom and did what she had to do. If there was a moment or two that found her cheek leaning against the coolness of the tiled wall, so be it. She had to get through this, so she would do it any way she could.

By the time she got through her routine, she was exhausted.

The irony of neuropathic pain was that while it damn hurt, it was all fake signals. There was nothing wrong with her beyond what was always wrong with her. It was just a seriously damaged nervous system doing its best to do its job when it couldn’t anymore. Pain was the result and days like today, it could get bad enough to break through her reserves and take her down.

So Doctor Harris downed some painkillers and prescribed herself a day in bed. Curling up under the covers, she closed her eyes and willed the day away.

Unfortunately she forgot to tell the Tracy family.

Sometime after no lunch there was a discreet knock on her door.

She blinked herself awake. She had finally managed some sleep, but her brain hadn’t let her fully escape, providing warped dreams where she was falling and Scott was desperately trying to catch her, but never quite fast enough. Her whole head had spun and it was only the sound of knuckles on wood that had stopped her plunge.

“Em?” Virgil’s voice. “Are you okay?”

Her head was full of cotton wool. The medication had the lovely side effect of dulling her thought processes along with her nerve pathways.

“Em?”

She opened her mouth to reply, but her body chose that exact moment to spasm and instead she found herself curled up working through a wave of pain. There may have been a whimper.

She didn’t hear the click of the door’s lock being overridden, but the voice exclaiming her name and the gentle touch to her forehead was enough to shock her brain into functioning at a bare minimum.

Virgil was crouched beside her bed, worry in every line of his face. “Em, talk to me.”

“Virgil, w-what are you doing in here?”

“Grandma was worried. It is unlike you to miss a meal, much less two. What’s going on?”

She closed her eyes and rubbed her face with a hand. “I’m fine. Juss a bad day.”

She didn’t want to look at him. Em Harris didn’t like vulnerable. Her medical status put her in that position far more often than she preferred and she put up with it, but this was new. This was her boyfriend’s brother, her boyfriend’s family, and to top it all off, Virgil was also one of her patients.

Vulnerability was not an option.

“I’m fine. I just need to get throu-“ And yes, her nervous system was the master of betrayal as it paired up the previous spasm with a lovely demonstration of exactly how bad, bad could get.

She grit her teeth and worked through the pain. Goddamnit, why did it have to hurt so much. The fog in her head wasn’t strong enough. She was due for another dose. She screwed up her face and tears leaked out of her eyes. A moment and she was gasping. Okay, okay, that one sucked. Where was her damned medication?

She opened her eyes to find a hologram of her own body floating above her.

What the hell?

“Em, what medication have you taken?”

“Wha?”

“I need to know what medication you have taken for your neuropathic pain.”

She pointed towards the bedside table and the bottle of pills. Red flannel danced in the shadows.

“I want you in the infirmary.”

“Virgil, I’m fine. I’ve got this handled.” She was so proud of actually finding her voice, she almost missed what he said next.

“Doctor Harris, the patient is in chronic pain, dehydrated and, no doubt, suffering from a low blood sugar level due to self neglect. Our infirmary has equipment that can help. I want you there and I want you there now.”

“I’m the doctor.” It was a stupid thing to say, but her reserves were shot and the thought of being paraded through the house on a stretcher sent chills up what was left of her spine. He would see her. See her injuries. See the real Em Harris. The broken mess under the facade. “No.”

��Em.” He sighed and she suddenly realised she wasn’t talking to Virgil, Scott’s brother. This was emergency responder and medic, Virgil Tracy. The man knew what he was doing. “Trust me.” The voice so many desperate people had heard in the most dire of circumstances.

As with many a rescuee, it worked. “Okay.” Her voice was so small, it was pathetic. So bloody embarrassing. She closed her eyes and hid her face behind her hands.

“C’mon, let’s get you out of that bed.” She couldn’t see him at that exact moment, but she knew he was offering her his arms.

So bloody embarrassing.

She pushed her self up, but, of course, today was a bad day so her body protested.

Loudly.

He caught her as she fumbled, scooping her up with a ridiculous lack of effort and held her close as she rode through it. She ended up gasping, her head on his shoulder, and she discovered he used the same aftershave her father had.

And then she was in tears.

Oh god. Em Bloody Harris bawling her eyes out all over his red flannel shirt. There were comforting noises, his chest rumbling with his soft voice. There was movement. She clenched her eyes shut, desperate to keep the world at bay.

And then he was laying her down on soft, cool sheets. There were beeps of medical machinery. The gentle touch of his warm hands on the skin of her back.

And the pain disappeared.

Oh god, the relief had her sagging into the bed. All her breath rushed out in a whimpered sigh.

Warm fingers brushed her hair out of her eyes. She looked up to find worried brown looking down at her. “Better?”

“Better.”

A small smile of relief flashed across his face, but then he was fiddling with an IV bag, hanging it far above. Exhaustion washed over her.

She didn’t feel the prick in her arm as sleep finally took her.

-o-o-o-

The next time she opened her eyes she encountered a pair of worried blue.

“Em?”

She swallowed. “Scott.” He was sitting beside her bed. She was in the infirmary. How?

Her brain finally decided to start functioning properly and memories lined up in all their embarrassing glory.

Shit.

“Uh, uh, uh.” His hand came down gently on her shoulder, holding her in place as she made to push herself up off the mattress. “You are staying here.”

“But I’m fine.”

A single arched eyebrow. “Tell me what happened.”

“Nothing happened. It was just a bad day.”

“That has you curled up in bed in pain.”

“It happens. I deal with it.”

His lips thinned. “Em, you’re not alone anymore.”

She opened her mouth to scoff at his words, but then their meaning sunk in and her mind jack-knifed.

Her hand was wrapped in one of his and she frowned at it. His other hand reached up and caressed her cheek. “We are not unfamiliar with the effects of injury in this family, Em. We help each other. Yes, there are bad days. We all have bad days. But those days pass better with help.” A ghost of a smile. “This family specialises in help.” He swallowed. “The thought of you hurting alone...I am so glad my brother is a stubborn ass who will chase up any member of this family hiding a damned illness. Please, Em, we’re here. There is no shame in asking for help.”

Her heart was in her throat. It had never occurred to her. She had not even thought about it. All she had seen was embarrassment and inconvenience. His fingers were so warm on her cheek. She closed her eyes and revelled in his touch.

No longer alone.

Oh god, it had been so long.

She bit her lip and was astonished to find herself holding back a sob.

Bloody hell, not again! What the hell was wrong with her today?!

His fingers brushed away a tear. His shadow fell across her eyelids and his lips touched her forehead. Whispered. “Think about it.” A smile against her skin. “I love you, Em Harris, and with me comes a large, bumbling family. You will never be alone again.”

His words had her eyes open and seeking to look at his expression, but he was too close and his lips were brushing hers, his hand in her hair. Ever, ever so gentle. Her gorgeous Scott Tracy.

She fell into the moment.

But he eventually broke it off and she missed his touch as he stepped back, sitting in the chair beside her bed, that still slightly smug smile of his knowing exactly the effect he had on her.

“Virgil says he is going to order a second TEEPS machine for you. Until then you can use Gordon’s as needed. Knowing Virgil, he’ll go and pick it up himself just for peace of mind. No doubt the second machine will be here before we have to worry about the both of you needing it at the same time.”

She blinked. “Why does Gordon need a TEEPS machine?” The thought of the cost of one, much less two, froze her brain for a moment.

“Ah, you’ll have to speak to Gordon about that. You’d be the first one to kill me if I divulged my brother’s medical information to you.”

Bloody hell, yes, she would be following up on that immediately. She had to know this stuff. What if she had to treat him? What if he needed her help? An image of the younger Tracy’s laughing face danced across her mind. Why did he need a TEEPS machine? She was almost terrified to find out.

But then she had seen Virgil’s medical records. Why wouldn’t his brothers’ medical history be any different? Her heart clenched.

“Hey, Gordon’s fine. It’s managed. And yours will be, too.” His hand tightened briefly on her arm. “Now, you focus on you.” And his hand was touching her cheek again. So distracting.

He leant in again. Another kiss.

Oh.

Perhaps he was right. Perhaps her bad days could be a little less bad. Perhaps...and her mind lost its train of thought as his tongue begged entry.

Oh god.

-o-o-o-

FIN.

[osmw1]

Poison-Wielding Fugitive   Chapter 1

Unngghhh…

As I tap away at the keyboard, programming to the specs of the project, a zombie-like groan escapes from my mouth. How many all-nighters in a row has it been already? They call it a death march, but this is beyond that.

A few days ago, a guy in the next section over jumped in front of a train. The memory is still fresh in my mind. Will it be me tomorrow? Today? The thought keeps crossing my mind. God damn it. And I thought slavery had already been abolished. Yet I’m basically a slave to this company. When we had a moment of silence for the guy who died, the president was even spouting bullshit like how the company wouldn’t be profitable if not for unpaid overtime. If the company is at that level already, unpaid overtime won’t suddenly make it viable! I hope you guys go bankrupt after I find a new job!

Why did I even choose this place… I’m at wit’s end already. My name is Kogure Yukihisa. I’m 26-years old and a productive member of society for over four years. I work as a software engineer at a sweatshop of a company. Well, I knew there were a lot of jobs like this from the start. But still, when I was being interviewed as a university student, every last one of these companies seemed to be as shitty as each other.

According to my friend from school who gave me a referral to this job, everywhere else is just as bad. The world is just full of these fuckin’ sweatshops. Fuck those clients who change everything at the last minute. Fuck the bosses who dump all the work on us grunts and leave on time every day. Fuck the temp workers who sometimes get paid better than us full-timers. Fuck the part-timers too. Fuck everyone! If you’re gonna change the specifications, pay us for the work we’ve already done! Dipshits! You’re all just brainless sheep! With my urge to kill rising, I slam down on the enter key for the last time, wrapping up this project.

Wheeew.

Completely exhausted, I hang my head down in front of my computer and let out a sigh. There are a lot of coworkers on a death march much like me. They all have their own work to do and can’t spare the time looking at other people. Another guy in my department is slumped over his desk, looking like as if he were dead.

“All dooone?” “All dooone.”

There wasn’t any strength left in our words. I gently lift my head to check the clock. Ugh… it’s already five in the morning. I don’t even have time to go home. They take no excuses from grunts like me who have to be here by eight o’clock sharp.

At any rate, even though we’re done with this project, I think we’ll have to be on stand-by for the next one. Just thinking about it makes my blood boil. The next deadline draws nearer. How much fuller are you gonna cram this schedule, you bastards?

Gotta calm down. My body is already tattered. I can’t risk burning out and dropping out. I wish I knew some kind of magic to somehow escape from this hellhole. Otherwise I’m just gonna die here like this.

“…”

There’s only three hours left. Out from under my desk, I take out my sleeping bag and slip into it. How lucky I am to get three hours of sleep. I’ll change and take my dirty clothes to a coin laundry at lunch. Then, some time in the evening, I’ll hit up a bathhouse nearby. I get to do that once every three days or so.

Speaking of which, how long has it been since I’ve gone home? With the time I could spend thinking about that, I use it to sleep instead. With the groans of zombies and clacking of keyboards in the background, I fall asleep like a warrior after an arduous fight. Ah. Lying down feels so good. I could sleep forever.

“I’ve found you, dragon!” “… you lot sure are persistent.”

The foolish human soldiers shouted at me, a dragon flying in the sky. Humans are but easy prey to me. However, I have no such interest in destroying them. If not for them being such an annoyance, like flies in my face, I would not even try to involve myself with them. Yet, these humans fly through the sky, plotting something nefarious. The magical barrier erected is nought but a hindrance to me. … killing them now would be too heavy-handed. I shall scare them away and destroy their barrier.

Truly, humans are pests to wherever they propagate. What do they stand to gain by defeating me? I stop beating my wings to land in front of the leader of these humans. A battle of magic begins.

They put down magic circles after magic circles. Almost all of them are protective spells to prevent human casualties. … what a bothersome way to fight.

However, there will be no casualties in a battle with me. Though troublesome, humans are tenacious. If I were to such carelessly kill one of them, it would be a spark for a war involving all of mankind. Even with multiple copies of me, it would still cost considerable time to fight off all humans. I shall cast my mighty Flame of Megiddo and incinerate their armor.

With a mighty roar, I breathe out a scorching blaze.

I cause the vanguard major damage. The smell of burning flesh permeates the air. With fine control, my flames dealt most of the damage to the ones wearing armor, narrowly avoiding causing deaths amongst the humans.

“Villainous dragon!”

The leader charges to the frontlines. In a set of pure white armor, this warrior—a representative of the humans—brandishes a sword enchanted with anti-magic properties. He cuts through my magic, defending himself. However, seeing his ally behind him taking full brunt of the attack, the warrior shouts in a rageful voice. How does he ignore the fact that he was the one instigating this fight? Not only that, but he has the nerve to victimize himself… This generation is all talk. No matter what, they have to feign being just.

I have a life of my own to live. I wish not to perish. Humans do not seem to understand that fact. In any case, I would prefer to quickly escape from this predicament. If threats will not work, then I shall bring down Heavenly Thunder to smite their sorcerers conjuring the barrier. Know thy place! I am merely holding back on you lot!

“From the moment you were imprisoned within our barricade, you had no chance of victory. Take this!”

The warrior raised his sword towards me. For a dragon like me, a hero’s sword is needed to cut through. Wielding even a sword made of dragon scales would be a fruitless endeavor. However, not only is the warrior’s sword not one of a hero’s, a hero’s sword has to choose to slay a dragon. I am brimming with confidence that I am not the dragon chosen by that sword.

I need not to defend against his attack. I shall take the warrior’s attack straight on. The enemy is the one behind him—the sorcerers. I shall start charging to cast Heavenly Thunder. The warrior’s sword bounces off my scales and sets off sparks.

“It connected!”

What?! The warrior’s sword snaps and something like a glimmering crystal appears from within. Curses—recently, my comrades have fallen to this magic without leaving a mark on the humans.

“This is the end for you, dragon!”

With a howl, I unleash my magic to counter their spell.

… what the hell kind of dream was that?

It wasn’t remotely realistic, but total fantasy. That was great. Way better than dreaming about being shitty at my job. Dreaming makes time seem to pass by slower too. Being half-awake and feeling like you’ve dreamt for a week is even better than a relaxing sleep. Anyway… maybe it’s not such a good thing that my dream was from the dragon’s point of view. I’d like to pretend as if they were all the assholes from work and just let loose on them.

Their spell eroded through my defensive magic and then coursed through my body.

“Don’t underestimate mankind! Now die!” Gyahhh!

I fire off all the power I have left. Seemingly as a response to it, great lines of red run through my body and into the earth.

“W-what?!”

… huh? What the hell? It feels as if I’m floating in the air, but gravity is pulling me back down. Like this is some sort of hallucination. Right, it’s the same feeling like riding a roller coaster. I’m… the dragon and wrapped in light. I soar above to space, red light shoots out from my body, and I drop like a meteor back down to Earth. Whoaaaaaaa?!

“B-Blast! Dragon! I won’t let you escape us! Wherever you go, we shall come hunting you do—"

Before the light fills my vision and I soar into space, I hear my opponent run his mouth. And then… my consciousness completely fades.

Blub… blub. An unnerving noise. But at the same time, this feels really, really nice. Ah. It’s just like as if I’m soaking in an onsen. It feels as great as that. Something making a big splash is coming towards me.

“Are you alright?!”

Mm… I’m not fully awake yet. Rather than half-asleep, it’s more like my fatigue is giving me sleep paralysis. Then I remember the feeling of someone pulling on me.

Who is it? Or rather, what is it? Can’t you let me sleep for a little longer…? What, did I get assigned a new guy at work and he’s trying to wake me up? There are so many noises going on at once. I can’t see anything in the office, but I can at least hear it. Thanks a lot, but this is complete unnecessary. Let me sleep more.

“You’re going to be fine! Cough!”

It sounds like I’ve been dragged out of the bath.

“Hello?! Are you awake?!” “Mm… I don’t wanna wake up…”

I am definitely not going to wake up for you. My body isn’t even able to move anyway, so I sleep! After displaying my willpower, I fall back asleep. It feels like as if the sounds are getting quieter.

Zzz…

Has it been a while? I wake up with a weird feeling and open my eyes.

“Ahh… that was a good nap. Huh?” “Ah.”

I wake up and scan my surroundings. I see an unfamiliar girl looking at me. In her hands is… a mortar and pestle. It seems as if she’s concocting some sort of medicine.

“Have you finally woken up? I’m so glad that you’re alright.”

Ignoring the worried girl, my head’s a complete mess. I mean, I was sleeping under my desk at work. I look down and, as expected, I’m wearing my dress shirt and trousers. Let me take a look at my surroundings.

I’m at the bank of some kind of purplish swamp with a bonfire burning, with ominous-looking trees and a slight haze in the air surrounding us. It feels like some sort of weird place deep in the mountains. Oh. Are we at some sort of campground?

Is this a dream? Or is this some kind of prank? I’ll try asking this girl in front of me to sort things out.

“I was about to feed you an antidote and a potion, but I’m glad you have awakened.”

… huh? What’s with this girl? The words coming out of her mouth sound kinda weird. I understand what she’s saying, but her pronunciation is kinda off? At least I can tell that she’s not speaking Japanese.

“Umm… this is a little sudden, but where are we?”

Am I speaking in some other language too? Maybe I’m just imagining it.

“… is your memory a little hazy?”

The girl speaks in a worried tone. How should I explain? Do I speak frankly? Or is this some kind of prank? Or perhaps even that I’m still dreaming. They say if you pinch your cheek while you’re dreaming, it’d still hurt like normal, so you wouldn’t be able to tell from that. To be honest, I’ve had dreams like that before too.

“Well, it’s a mess in my head all of a sudden…” “Oh, that’s right, isn’t it? I mean, after all, you did fall in a poisonous swamp… and you were breathing in that toxic gas too, so it really isn’t all that strange.”

A poisonous swamp? Ah, you mean swamps that have poisonous gasses bubbling through? Are there still places like that in Japan? Shit, don’t tell me that this fuckin’ company didn’t want to pay me, so they went and got their hands dirty.

Considering how easy it would be, they’ve done quite the sloppy job. For this cutie to have found me and your plans to come to nothing… Hmm? Aren’t her facial features really well-defined for a Japanese girl? Her eyes aren’t black either… it’s some sort of purplish-blue, you could say. No, that’s not it, but her whole appearance isn’t very Japanese-like.

Her dress isn’t fully Western, but it’s all frilly and cute. And around her neck is a scarf. Very stylish. Mm. This has got to be some high-level cosplay. And her age… a high school student perhaps? Oof, I’ve caught glimpses of a schoolgirl in cosplay. Nice. It looks fantastic on her.

Seems like she was also carrying a large basket, the one placed down nearby. While I eye her up and down, the girl places a hand on her chest and smiles.

“I believe we have yet to introduce ourselves. My name is Arleaf. I’m an apothecary.”

Arleaf, eh? She doesn’t seem like your average herbalist though.

“My name’s Kogure, Yukihisa…” “Mr. Cohgray, is it?”

Why are you pronouncing my name so weirdly? But Cohgray, huh…? Kinda fantasy sounding. Still kinda irks me though.

previously: /ch001/ /next/ (full list of translated chapters) (discussion thread) (support Average Translations)

[forgettinggirlinterrpted]

Sunday 5/6

My roommates name is Shauna. She doesn’t flush and when I got here there was what I can only assume were soiled clothes in a brown paper bag. 

A woman in the hall is also talking about her shit. I’m the youngest person here and im afraid to shower, there’s no door. The poop lady is cackling. 

My roommate and I talked, she’s nice, and I met her night nurse and she is so nice. Her name is Maria. 

I’m having a hard time figuring out why I feel like this. Its hard b/c I’ve been hungover but surely that’s not all it is. How do you recover from a hangover so bad you end up in a psych ward?

It weird not having my phone, I want to check twitter. I don’t want to go to group therapy tomorrow. 

I just can’t stop crying, my eyes actually hurt. 

My mouth tastes bad but I have no toothpaste. 

I started reading this book called notorious nineteen and it is truly trash. 

I don’t have the lights on bc Shauna’s sleeping- I feel like Mozart. 

My eyes hurt, I might go call my dad again to get my moms phone number. 

Ill be back. 

Got Taylor’s # and called her/my mom. Maria gave me some antihistamines to try to calm me down/sleep. 

My sisters want to come visit me on Tuesday. 

I’ve only eaten a donut this morning. 

There’s a painting of a window that is 100% mocking me. 

I’m sweaty. 

Some snaps I would be sending if I had my phone 

*a pic of the little card that was on my bed when I came in w/ a number on it for housekeeping. Caption idea- 

is this a joke?

It’s a work in progress. 

*def a snap of me whipping/nay naying to the woman whose been singing in the hall all night (singer)

Shauna is snoring. There’s no joke there but its absolutely worth noting. 

I just want to play candy crush. 

Monday

(12:30 pmish) I feel like I’m in a dream. I’ve been sleeping all day- it turns out it was only like 3 hours tops.

I had so many dreams. 

I just went and talked to a big ass table of doctors about my life and I just feel so groggy. They’re in there talking about me. 

I skipped lunch b/c my tummy hurt so bad after breakfast. 

Shauna puked everywhere. 

I think she’s leaving. 

Also turns out she’s in withdrawal AND pregnant. 

And she has an infected injection site on her arm. 

I just talked to my mom/dad/Taylor and asked them to bring me some books + shirts. 

The nice psychiatrist said she would give me some adavan to calm me down. Also I skipped lunch b/c my stomach hurt so bad from breakfast but now I’m hungry so I guess they’re gonna order me something. I feel so weird. (might have napped here)

4ish pm

40 mg stratera (sp?), one mg atavan. 

Finally left my room, I’ve been asleep all day. 

Nurse went and got me a coke + a water and I saw they’re watching forgetting Sarah Marshall so I thought Id join. Everyone called me out when I came in since ive been hiding out. Bitches. 

Movies suggested by the dude I’m watching FSM w/

- assassin’s creed

-Dogma

10 positive ways to describe myself

1. Legs that go up to my asshole

2. College educated

3. Big heart

4. Good sense of humor

5. Love babies

6. Love my friends 

7. Good communicator

8. Love the outside

9. Big smile

10. Lovely family

9 positive coping skills 

1. Talk to Taylor

2. Going on walks

3. Calling my parents

4. Reading

5. Going to therapy

6. Doing hw

7. Watching movies

8. Candy crush (questionable) 

9. Eating veggies

8 things I’ve accomplished 

1. College

2. Getting into grad school

3. Learning Spanish

4. Coming to the hospital

5. Making great friends

6. Moving a lot and making it through

7. Driving to SLC 

8. Supporting myself (for the most part)

7 healthy things I can do each day 

1. Eat well

2. Shower

3. Talk to my friends

4. Not drink

5. Clean my room

6. Clean my clothes

7. Do my hw

6 things I can change

1. My eating habits

2. Drinking

3. Exercising more

4. Getting a routine

5. Whitening my teeth

6. How I see myself

5 things I can’t change

1. How my family acts

2. How my friends act

3. The status of the US public school system

4. The amount of sunlight in my apt 

5. My face 

4 reasons I can’t give up

1. My family

2. I’m going to change the world

3. My friends

4. My future students

3 places I can get help

1. w/ dr. whose name I can’t remember 

2. my apt (Taylor)

3. the hospital 

2 people I can really trust

1. Taylor

2. my parents

1 reason I’m here

1. I need to not feel like this anymore

I’m holding myself back from asking why everyone’s here. 

Assassin’s creed guy, also known as biting guy (an inside joke from earlier) and sweater girl are talking about if the food delivery guy has extensions. 

We got called to dinner, now were finishing Sarah Marshall. 

Biter dude told hair guy “nice hair”.

Oh my god, when peter sings about how much he hates himself, biter and white shirt turned to me and said dang sounds like he’s going to be in the room next o me! way to be self aware guys! 

Just called my dad to find out about my stuff getting dropped off but turns out he did 2 hours ago and its all been in my room. 

I started crying immediately b/c Taylor is amazing- she brought me the perfect books. It was like she was talking to me through the books. 

She gave me b Franks autobiography and Jesse Donaldson’s ‘on homesickness’. And the book Amanda gave me. also wuthering heights and pastures of heaven. All so perfect. 

Shirts is roasting the shit out of double lasagna (he ate… double the lasagna we all got for dinner).

He keeps saying he looks like he’s about to give birth 

“I mean were already in the hospital we just gotta figure out what floor is maternity”

Wuthering Heights

1801- Mr. Lockwood +Heathcliff

Thrushcross Grange

Double lasagna is talking about the last time he had tequila- brother the last time I drank it I ended up here. 

What an anecdote. 

“they could have stolen my jewelry or even my virginity!” – about the guys who helped when he got too drunk. Double lasagna’s real name is * but he just introduced himself as Dorothy (to hair the night nurse helper). 

Fake Abby (biting guy came to my room thinking I was her) is here and shirt just said “you’re awfully quiet” and she rejected him hard. It was awk. 

One of the helpers is just chillin in here w/ us while I read my shitty book and we watch “just go w/ it” – its so bad. 

One of the nurses (pony tail) just made me go on a walk down the hall w/ him. They all keep asking me how I’m feeling and I keep saying fine but I’m not. As long as I don’t talk I don’t cry. I’m starting to think I want to stay here longer but also leave right away. Its all so confusing. 

Double lasagna just asked hair nurse if he could have his phone out of his bag and the way just looked up from his phone and said “nuh uh” was iconic. 

Its 805 pm and I think I’m going see about getting my sleeping pills so I can just crash. 

I need to document stuff better tomorrow b/c I don’t like how much of a blur today is. 

I finally showered and I feel better I think. I just don’t know what the move is once I get out. Like I don't know how to talk to anyone. 

I need Taylor to contact Morgan I think. 

I’m sure she’s confused. Or maybe she doesn't care literally at all.  Who cares. I’ve been surprised at how easily I’ve been sleeping today especially without my phone and with everything on my mind. 

I need a talk therapist like yesterday.

I can’t bring myself to get through any of the books Taylor brought. The 19 book in such trash but it’s easy to read.

 The shower needs to be pressed every 45 seconds to say on. I wore shower shoes.

 Fake Abby doesn’t know what the move is, I can tell.

I called Taylor + my mom then got snack in my night meds. I mom told me to call back to talk to Mack so I just did. She’s lovely. 

Double lasagna somehow talked to snack nurse into giving him a full sandwich. I got a strawberry poptart and a coke. 

They’re checking in a new girl now who looks a bit like she’s closer to my age. 

I’m happy she’s not my roommate. 

I think tomorrow ill try to call family/friends less and trust the process. I need to really take a step back. 

I’m just happy I feel comfortable sitting in the sun room. I knew a lot more about movies than they did 

Goals for tomorrow-

Check out group

Find rec room/sign my name by Mack’s 

Document everything

Keep room clean

They still haven’t cleaned Shauna’s side. Its off putting. 

Have I mentioned they check on me every 15 minutes? 

Its off putting also. 

I wish I had just like some mascara or something. I hate to be that girl but damn. 

My mom keeps trying to talk about the funny aspects of this but I can’t say I’m feeling them yet. Today just really was such a blur. I sept a lot then talked to therapists then I think went back to sleep? Then begged for lunch then I think slept? That’s where its fuzzy. Called my fam too much, I need to not tomorrow. 

I also want to gain control of tv room tomorrow. Power move!! 

Did I mention I called Chelsea? My brain is mush. 

- Be more present tomorrow-

- Ask more questions- 

be warned: new beginnings are rarely pure, and neither are the men who seek them

On Homesickness pg 23

Scott County

We are homesick most for the places we have never {truly} known

37, Franklin County 

Questions to Proteus -> how do I get home? 45, Montgomery County 

Tuesday 

7:10 am 

slept super hard but also had super vivid dreams. Mack and I talked about that last night. 

She said she had never brought it up. I was a little restless, prob just bc they were constantly opening my door and eventually just stopped closing it. 

I’m just trying to let go of control. I don’t want my phone back. I need to talk to someone about the insane anxiety I feel when I think about home back to the real world. 

Even just being in my apartment scares me b/c it feels like its full of negative energy. I need to focus on the good when I get out. 

I keep thinking about my phone bill and I can’t remember if I paid for internet. Also the maintenance light is still on in my car. 

Even though mom and dad are coming today I need to be communicating less w/ outside world. If I really want to be off the grid I need to really b alone with me thoughts and be okay with it. 

I kept feeling for my phone throughout the night. 

I wonder what the nurses think of me. do I seem different than everyone else?

I keep finding myself trying to relate to the nurses, esp. the young male one (hair) but what am I trying to prove? That I’m not like everyone here? 

Newsflash, asshole, I am 

(I’m the asshole)

I need a sharper pencil- do you think a lobotomy joke will be appropriate when I request one orr?

I wonder if Prather has texted me. I’m supposed to sub on the 21st. 

Yikes

Not looking forward to checking my bank account. I really spent a lot w/out giving a shit. It was freeing but I also haven’t worked in over a week + a half soooooo. 

On homesickness is so dramatic but I love it. Makes me think of Taylor. (bc home, not the drama)

Also I think I’m getting fucking sick. Or, according to Lula (Flula) in 19, I’m getting hospital cooties. 

7:27 am 

I’m in TV room w/ singer. I asked what we’re watching and she said “some kind of cartoon”. She’s not screaming which is awesome. I’m going to read Wuthering Heights. 

Almost 8 

Called dad and asked him to bring me a pair of readers since my eyes hurt. Nice nurse #2 is here again. She’s blonde. I haven’t seen Maria again. Met another nurse too. She was young. Also there’s a fake nurse (fake nurses are in teal, like hair, and he real ones are in blue) who I def. know. Cant figure out from where, maybe high school? Either way, not cool with it. Also, they sharpened my pencil. 

TIME TBD

Having a hard time focusing on reading. My eyes hut. 

I don’t like waiting around. 

Is it petty to point out inconsistencies in the rules? There’s different info on different sheets in the packet they gave us. Makes me wonder how closely these patients are reading it. Its all petty though, like whether or not we should take 5 or 10 minutes to use the phone or how many visitors we can have at a time. 

I know myself too well, ill be bringing it up. I’m going to check on breakfast. 

8:30ish

breakfast was sub par. Sat alone. New girl, sat w/ double lasagna. She only wanted milk so homeboy asked if he could eat hers! Has he learned nothing?? I ate pretty quick; I think I need to go back to sleep. I feel weird. 

Time-?

Dr.?? (nice psychiatrist) came in and we talked. Started fine but I got really upset b/c of how much I feel like garbage and I don’t now if I want to be here. But also I don’t want to go back to the real world. She left and I went to go get a visteral 25 mg b/c I’m so upset. They gave it to me and when I got back to my room I 100% had a panic attack. 

I felt like I was a kid again. Maybe its b/c I’m here but I’ve never been sure that what it was until now. They happened a lot as a kid and usually ended in my mom holding me and saying everything’s ok. Its so hard not having that now. I left my room and the med student from Sunday was in the hall and he came and talked to me until I calmed down. 

With talking to them I finally feel like I’ve been able to verbalize how anxious I feel here along with how I feel about leaving. I just need to rest my eyes for right now, but when I’m up I need to write down what Dr. B said about when I get out. 

I miss my parents. 

Time unknown

Honestly can’t remember what happened next. 

Social worker came in, she’s lovely. Talked a bit then I kept resting. 

She gave me some info on how to stay grounded during a panic attack. 

Then I think I went to the rec room to do a puzzle but then religion group started. I stuck around but then little dr came to get me and asked if I would meet with big table of doctors even though I hate it. 

I did it but it made me upset again. They said they would come talk to me but they haven’t. 

I fell asleep again then not Maria nurse came to tell me they’re gonna give me more adavan once my visteral wears off. Fell back asleep then got a drink/ate lunch.

My puzzle got hijacked so I brought a new one into my room. I hit a wall so I stopped to write all this down and go find out what they talked about it my meeting. 

I think its around 1 pm. 

2pm

Sat and watched how I met your mother for a little. Started crying. Asked a nurse when I was gonna get talked to when little doc came up. they gave me an adavan and now I’m waiting for him to come talk to me. the maid is making up Shauna’s old bed while I sit and cry. Very awk. 

I don’t know why I keep crying. I just feel like I’m going to keep having these attacks. I feel so hopeless. 

Still sitting here crying. Still no doctor. 

My name is Abigail and I am safe. I am in the present and I am safe. 

~505

lil doc came to talk to me and I got upset. I don’t understand what my next move is. 

Just slept pretty hard until now then got dinner. Going back to sleep is very tempting. 

I think I’m allowed another pill. What’s the point? 

6:50 pm 

I honestly don’t know what I’ve been doing since after dinner. I’ve been doing the puzzle in the TV room. I’ve been watching the office. I asked nice nurse if I could have another pill but she’s pretty sure she cane until its time for bed. My anxiety is pretty high right now my parents will be here in like an hour. 

7 pm

officially been hoarding pencils. They say I can have an atavan at 10 pm for bed, but they gave me a V. im wondering if that’s going to help me sleep. They’re going to put me on abilify on top of my startera. I’m hoping they’ll give me some of this visteril to take home in case I start to freak. 

Decided that in order to help me not get stressed I want someone to take my phone and ask me one by one about who texted/called/emailed and help me deal with it. Same w/ my bank statement. 

I want to say I feel better, but I don’t know. Its just all a blur. 

I want to see m parents so I can find out what the move is when I get out. Maybe a meeting with Andrea and social working and one of them would be cool. 

I don’t want to get out after Taylor leaves. Fuck.

Double lasagna and biter left. 

* is still here, and fake Abby is MIA. 

New girl who I don’t know 

New guy Brandon- wears vans 

And tad who Mack warned me about. Apparently he called 911 on the nurses from the phones. 

Bold move. 

Fake Abby and I are friends. I think she’s lonely, I know she wants to be my roommate, but I can’t deal with that. 

Now I just kill time until mom gets here. 

930 ish?

Mom and dad came and I feel a bit better. Mom and I did our crossword puzzle and dad and I figured out grad school. I also had him assure me I don’t need to worry about $ right now. 

I asked for a pen but they said no. but I STOLE ONE FROM MY DAD!! 

Honestly its low on ink but just having it feels great. 

Just called my mom and said goodnight to Mack. I feel ok. Mostly just shook b/c of how much of a dream this all feels like. But I’m ok. Time to crossword and eat my poptart like the star patient I am. And I’m gonna do it in god damn pen! 

Goals for tomorrow- 

- track when all meds taken

- get better at checking time 

8am

slept like shit. But I think I might go home today?! I’m sick so my head fucking hurts. I dontknow what to think. I just want to sleep in my own bed. 

11am 

talked to dr. B + some of the team and I think I’ll just stay another night. It was hard for me to think of what I wanted to b/c I just woke up. but she made a good point that if I’m sick and drowsy it could be good to stay since they’ll change the time I get the abilify. I don’t know. Just very tired. 

1109

Watching fresh prince. Thought there was gonna be group in here, but so far nothing. Fuck this. 

Fake Abby told shirt he looks like Carlton and no shit he kind of does. He deadass did the dance while he was walking out. He thinks side burns were cool. Now singer is singing Elvis songs. 

Newer girl is even scarier she’s very touchy. Seems like she doesn’t listen. 

singer is standing directly in front of the tv. She threatened to fire the nurse that told her to stop. 

Shirt is leaving today. 

New girl just came in and snatched the stuff out of singer’s hands and then tried to talk to everyone. Now singer is out for blood. New girl is wild. 

1140

going to lay in bed until lunch. 

~12

slept a little until lunch. Hamburger and a coke. 

I’m def staying another night. Thinking of some ideas for pickup since I need someone to go back to my apt w/ me. 

I think that’s the move. And then if its horrible I can try to stay somewhere else. I’m thinking of asking my sisters. Idk. Might call some of them now. 

I’m really just waiting to get something for my cough. 

215

just slept super hard

even denied taking my cough meds so I could sleep more

I finally got into the rec room and unsurprisingly it was a disappointment. 

Couldn’t find macks mark so I left. 

Gonna go try to get more crossword 

255

just called Chelsea, she said she would try to come over after work/talk to liv about doing the same. I just want to take a real shower. 

Crazy Tad just said hi to me. 

New girl (maid) is asleep sitting up, we’re watching that 70’s show. 

My shirt smells like Keenan. 

Also its almost snack! 

Hmmmmm 4? 

took a shower after smashing a poptart. The sheets they gave me to use as a bathmat smells like actual piss and shit- maybe I shouldn’t have wrapped myself in it. 

A little before 5

Slept again. Got woken up for dinner. It was ok. God I’m so fucking tired. 

I’m glad I’m writing everything down b/c its all such a blur. 

Cant remember if I already wrong down that I talked to chels. I want help meal prepping and doing some laundry. Also someone to sleep over. I want my own bed, but I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want my phone. I don’t know what good anyone can do me right now until my meds get figured out. I don’t know!! 

I met my new nurse, DD, who said I’m taking my abilify in an hour. Then I want my sleeping pills so I can konk out, ugh. 

Time to lay down. Again. 

I think I fell asleep again?

Went to get my abilify around 615. Panic attack happened again. 

I can’t stop crying and I don’t want to be here anymore w/out talking to someone about all my regrets. 

I think more than anything I’m really disappointed with how this whole thing is going down. 

Just want to stop crying. 

830 pm

calmed down. Kind of okay w/ leaving but also so anxious. 

844

Singer has 12 different personalities. 

About to go ask for my meds/follow up on what’s up w/ the nurse’s research 

9ish 

Ate a poptart. Nurse was doing meds so she hasn’t looked into anything. Took 2 hydroxizines (50 mg) + a 3 mg melatonin. Called dad, still not a grad student. Very frustrating. Everything sucks but its ok bc I am Abigail Nash and I am safe in the present. I am not in the past. The present. And there are people that love me. 

Thursday 

- if… because then 

- one day at a time 

9 am?

Had breakfast, found out I’m going home today. 

Called mom + dad, and mom is gonna pick me up around 5 

2 more free meals! 

Getting a therapist is going to take a minute but I feel ok about it 

Nurse Nadine is so sweet. 

These people are getting the wildest thank you cards later. 

930

I’m going to get a watch 

I don’t like not always knowing the time 

That fucking short haired nurse came in again and gave me shit for being in my room

 Don’t know her name 

But I don’t want to 

I’m getting out here short haired lady! And I’m pulling out to win! 

I’m getting sleepy, fuck 

I have like 8 hours to kill 

Soooo

Suddenly now that I know I’m getting out I feel like some kind of bubble has been burst and I feel semi normal 

Am I really the Angelina Jolie of this place? Not actually Angelina, but her character from Girl Interrupted? 

She’s hot in that too, though.

Final thoughts for now- RIP Brittany Murphy. 

925

group- only going because nurse Nadine is leading it. 

Tad gave a very sweet little speech about his dad

Grabby girl wouldn’t share, she it nuts

But now miss congeniality is on!!

1055

cute rec therapist let me into the rec room. I wrote 

SCABZ

In big letters on the table, and made a picture frame. Also played ping pong with grabby. I’m not even going to go into how that went. 

Update: grabby thinks I’m her mom 

My best gift:

The gift of travel. Travel in the sense of moving, traveling to see a friend, or a friend traveling to see me. travel has allowed me to maintain friendships w/ people I usually wouldn’t. Another gift coming from travel is my best friend, Taylor who traveled to another state for school, where I met her. And the gift of going to visit my best friend in France a few years ago who I’ve known since I was 9. 

~~~~ when the party is at it’s best, it’s time to leave the party ~~~~ 

- Tad’s ex-father-in-law

almost noon 

Tad (ok turns out its not the Tad Mack was talking about) said some really good stuff in group and when he was talking about finding balance I said, “like the yin for your yang?” and he did not know what I was really talking about but it fit into the convo really well. So I started to draw him one and when it was over I gave it to him and he was really touched. I feel really good about it. It sucks I’m just now getting to go to group but I think my meds might be working b/c I haven’t gone back to sleep yet. 

Also, they said I could keep 19! 

I need to get some books together to donate. And some puzzles. 

After lunch 

Pulled pork. Singer change the channel on TV to cartoons. I see a nap in my future. Also brushing my teeth. 

There’s a new kid, he’s gotta be newly 18 b/c he looks young. 

Tried playing monopoly w/ Tad, maid, and new guy, but it devolved. 

Thought he was cute but he might be nuts (shocker)

I said he was welcome to my books and he looks a mans search for meaning and I’m about to leave so I don’t think im getting it back. 

Amanda wrote a nice note in it. That sucks. I gotta stop being so nice. 

I asked them to give me a visterile and they did. I should be ready to rock when mom gets here. 

430

did more painting- made a weird sign for door knobs. No sign of homeboy + my book. I kind of don’t want to leave, but I refuse to let myself have fomo in a place like this. Idk what the move is for my book. He better be reading it. I don’t want to leave before dinner so he can at least have a chance to say something to me about it. 

Tad is really fun to hang out w/. he is really nice. We talked about grounding during panic attacks and he invited me to play monopoly and we talked about how it sucks that we all just started talking to each other but that’s also prob just a sign that the meds are working. 

I saw he put my yin yang in the front of his journal. Very sweet. 

This isn’t to say he isn’t totally nuts. Also, young guy said my voice reminded me of “stuff” what the fuck. 

Grabber called me mom and tried to give me her hand. 

[inkcaviness]

all the mcr asks, your emo heart wants it

well tbh......true.......(i edited a couple out where i didnt fully get the questions tbh)

I brought you my bullets, You brought me your love

Romance: Who was your first love?

a mistake

Honey, this mirror isn’t big enough for the two of us: Is there a side of yourself that no one knows about?

not really, im pretty sure im an open book

Vampires will never hurt you: Vampires or angry men?

vampires always

Drowning Lessons: Plan on getting married?

not really

Our Lady of Sorrows: Are you religious?

nope

Headfirst for Halos: Are you hopeful? If so, what for?

lmao right now im hopeful for graduation(and for actually making it and not failing) and what comes afterwards

Skylines and Turnstiles: An important event that changed your life or perspective?

going to america. just deciding to change schools in general i think

Early Sunsets Over Monroeville: What’s your favorite horror movie?

tbh im not big on horror movies

This Is the Best Day Ever: Ever been to the hospital?

yea

Cubicles: Where would you be without My Chem?

i mean? probably generally not much wouldve gone different but they definitely helped me feel better ín a shitty time

Demolition Lovers: Would you die for your current lover?

dont have one

Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge

Helena: Have you lost a family member or friend?

no

Give ‘Em Hell, Kid: Have you ever considered committing murder?

not....seriously

To The End: Corpse Bride. Yay or nay?

big confession: i havent watched it.....yea i know im a fake emo....

You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison: Ever committed a crime?

no

I’m Not Okay (I Promise): Ever felt out of place?

definitely

The Ghost of You: Ever cried while watching a movie?

yes

The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You: Ever been cheated on or have cheated?

no

Interlude: Favorite My Chem song?

hnghhhh difficult, rn probably either F.T.W.W.W. or the sharpest lives....but for nostalgia’s sake also blood so....

Thank You for the Venom: Ever wrote something stupid on a t-shirt?

actually? not i think? 

Hang 'Em High: Ever shot a gun?

yes

It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Fucking Deathwish: Who’s your best friend?

@colorfulpancake

The Black Parade

The End: Ever thought it’d be the end for you?

kinda

Dead!: Ever wanted to die?

yea

This Is How I Disappear: Ever done something to someone that you can’t forgive yourself for?

i had to think about that one for too long so im gonna go with no bc if there was something id have probably answered yes quicker

The Sharpest Lives: Are you anxious?

YES actually very much today bc i have an important exam tomorrow

Welcome to the Black Parade: What’s your favorite memory?

uhhhh tbh i dont have a specific one

I Don’t Love You: Have you ever stopped loving them?

yes

House of Wolves: What is your favorite era?

i dont even wanna choose one okay i love all

Mama: Ever disappointed your parents?

24/7 (well maybe 20/7)

Sleep: Any bad dreams?

occasionally

Teenagers: Are you scared of people your own age?

BIGGEST YES

Disenchanted: What changed your life for the better?

leaving my old school

Famous Last Words: What changed your mind about things?

i think just? meeting new people and learning more stuff?

Blood: Any hidden secrets no one knows?

maybe a few little ones? but barely anything that absolutely no one knows

Danger Days: The True Lives of The Fabulous Killjoys

Look Alive, Sunshine: What time do you wake up?

well rn im still used to my school schedule so around 7:30-8am but give me two more weeks and ill turn nocturnal

Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na): What gives you strength?

my friends tbh. and looking back and seeing how things have changed

Bulletproof Heart: Do you miss anyone right now?

yes

SING: Who is your idol?

kinda...no one tbh

Planetary (GO!): Biggest accomplishment?

MAN if it was next week already i might be able to say “graduating high school” but i havent actually accomplished that yet.... but tbh just....i know ive already said that like 5 times but pulling myself together and getting myself out of my old school and applying to a new school and actually making it to 18 and being in a far better place than i thought i would be

The Only Hope for Me Is: Do you consider yourself hopeless?

sometimes but not always 

Jet Star and The Kobra Kid/Traffic Report: What’s your favorite go-to outfit?

jeans and like a sweater or a tshirt with a plaid shirt over it

Party Poison: Do you speak different languages?

yes

Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back: What is your biggest wish?

dont really have one. finding my way i guess

S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W: Biggest regrets?

too many

Summertime: Who’s got you excited for the summer?

well! im probably gonna go to paris with charlie and maybe see my godmother again and also summer is con season so im gonna see most of my friends!

DESTROYA: If you could save anyone in the world from danger/poverty/war/etc. Who would it be?

i really cant decide on one person

The Kids From Yesterday: What do you wish you could tell your past self?

everything gets better at some point. also please start filling in your eyebrows and just cut your damn hair

Goodnite, Dr. Death: Opinions on standing for the National Anthem?

i dont

Vampire Money: What is your catchphrase irl?

does “mood” count

thank you for asking!!! sorry to everyone who has to scroll past this

[catastrothicc]

one of these days i'll make a coherent intro post, however *bts vc* not today !!  hello and welcome to johnny's world where we're shit @ introductions and even worse at consistency. honestly i cant stick to shit someone assist. anyways ! i bring the last piece of the puzzle rocky, who for some unfathomable reason wasn't taken ?? and i cried ?? fate. uh right i'm 19 and i never fkcing learned how to read. mdt timezone. them/they pronouns. continue under the read more to kill some brain cells !! 

tw: physical and mental abuse/manipulation, drugs/alcohol and death/murder. 

here's his soundtrack if u wanna listen while u read 

DON'T DWELL ON THE PAST // ( i'm not even sure if i'm sticking to this [ looks @ admins nervously ] so things might change up if it doesn't fall w/ the right timeline. ) ( forgive the length the muse is real )

born on october 31st, 1995 ( happy halloween ) in deadtree, rocky was an entirely healthy baby received with much love by his mother and with some hesitance by his father. all he knew was how to shit and cry and life was a paradise, until eventually the months started rolling by that became three years and his mother was in a freak car accident that left her paralyzed from the waist down and with a bad case of major head trauma. 

rocky still firmly believes that she woke up from her coma by god's will even if her basic executive function skills and self-regulations were gone. she had to be taken care of just like him, and the doctor's promised she'd learn to eat on her own again and her speech problems would regulate. this... did not happen. maybe it would've, if she had lived longer, but rocky never got to see the day when he didn't have to help his mom bathe or brush her hair. 

his dad was the only source of income in the household besides his mom's monthly pension that the man would take and then disappear for days. he was bitter about having to raise rocky all on his own and even more bitter about the hefty hospital bills they were going to be paying off for the next several years. all the man wanted to do was laze about with a beer in his hand and a blunt in the other. 

from early on he was prone to anger and it often manifested itself physically, so rocky would always have a bruise or two somewhere on his body. it was fine as long as the man wasn't hurting his mom, and he couldn't do anything else but accept the rough treatment. 

he and his mom were becoming more and more neglected by his father, who only provided the bare minimum to eat and took his wife's pills for himself. rocky was already in school and he was that kid who always got off the bus running to get home. no one knew that he always ran to make sure his mom was okay while he was gone. 

he was nine years old when his dad handed him a bottle of morphine and explained to him that the whole bottle would help his mom get a good night's sleep for once. rocky, knowing how much his mom struggled to rest, took the bottle and put each and every pill in his moms hand and watched her drink them until the last one. she did go to sleep, of course. rocky thought he'd done good until she didn't wake up the next morning. 

he grew incredibly distant from his dad after this. he was already used to taking care of himself and his mom was the only reason he really bothered to make it home early, so after her death he got into every after-school activity he could manage, and when it wasn't enough, he ran around the streets with the older kids and pretended to be *cool*.

he started dabbling with the drug scene really early on in middle school, when he realized that his dad would never strive to be anything else but a piece of shit, so he decided to steal his pills and weed just like the man had stolen his mothers medication. he would sell them to his upperclassmen and never took any for himself because he saw what they could do, though eventually he did weed in high school and besides the occasional dose of ecstasy he doesn't do more than that.

one day, at age seventeen, he went home and his dad was gone. he waited for three weeks before he sold everything and fixed up a small abandoned house that became his new abode. with the cash he'd gotten from the car and the furniture he began growing his own hella dank nug, and eventually there was word on the streets about it. his dad had always been his unaware provider, but soon enough rocky joined a group as a dealer while selling his own stuff on the side.

he didn't want to follow under someone else so he got to the roots and offered the group's providers a better deal and eventually the business was going to him alone. people saw more opportunity with him and they flocked to his side one by one until he ran the original leader to the ground. honestly this kid was hella good in school and just as good in the streets. 

of course it didn't happen without a fight tho so talk about several near-death experiences !! the streets are dangerous children stay in school.

fast forward, he had what he intensely regrets with elaine-- honestly had a good time dating a rich ‘good’ girl until he got real bad vibes from her and it wasn't chill anymore. felt real personally attacked that she was ashamed of him and broke it tf off. fuck a fake bitch !! 

( me: plays hero by enrique iglesias for this section ) and then shiloh came ! his lord and savior. his fkcing BAE. would do ANYTHING for this boy is2g makes me so emo i'm shAKING just thinking about it. rocky truly believes this boy is his soul mate. he loves him so much oh my godfjsdh.

at this point his drug ring wasn't at all what it is now. it was relatively small and the profits weren't all that good but he was doing what he could. he had steady members who had been with him since the start and shiloh became an addition along with his best girl giselle and (eventually) barbara. honestly the dream squad nothing could stop them they were invisible. unfortunately there was a snake in their ranks and goddamn he's glad she showed herself honestly good fucking riddance barbie. he felt real betrayed after she left but if anything he thinks it made his crew tighter and stronger. still hates tht bitch tho afTER EVERYTGIH HE DID FOR HER.

( to be 10/10 honest tho rocky is a manipulative bastard and he thinks he's real slick but barbie caught on and he feels extremely attackt )

anyways so knowing that shiloh and giselle are his tru ride or die pals ( 👀 @ giselle ) the business continues and they're still the dream squad. sure they're doing shady af things and they've always been doing them but u kno what they say there ain't no rest for the wicked !! 

he didn't at all like the fact tht shiloh pursued an internship w/ the mulani family but he tried to keep it chill because he loves and supports his bae but honestly could not do it. he doesn't personally pay too many visits to sycamore city precisely bc he goddamn loathes the mulani and moon families after all they've done to his people ( esp the moon’s ) and to think shiloh was getting involved w/ them really tested him as a person. he fcking failed because of how much shiloh wanted a pass into the city and rocky held him back but he's so goddamn proud of their love like damn. he knows he doesn't offer everything shiloh wants but he's out here tryin' his best to get his bae the life he deserves even if he's the worst street rat and everybody knows it. 

( what is he secretly doing w/ all tht money tho hmmm ) 

BABY RIDE WITH ME // in regards to the *gollum vc*  precious ( the ring )

just so the squad and ex-squad can get a feel of how rocky runs the ring i'm includin' this here

so rocky makes it a point to be an approachable leader whom you can go to with your problems and he'll have your back 100%. honestly everyone's dad there's no one left out. he keeps his status as the leader not by cruel acts to show what happens to rats but by making sure he's understood by each individual member. he's not the violent type at all unless someone really tests him but this guy preaches that people understand by words and acts of kindness not by violence and torture. he needs loyalty above all else so he offers a safe sanctuary to anyone who needs it. it comes with a price ofc but all he asks is that u do ur job and he'll keep u off the streets. basically in his group everyone has each other's backs and he's involved with everyone, not only because it helps him keep close tabs on everything but because that blanket of safety for his members is very important to him. 

when it comes to his dealers he basically lets them do things their own way as long as they're not out there hurting innocent people. he pays by commission so it's really up to the dealers how much they wanna sell and who they wanna sell it to. he doesn't force his own morals onto his peeps so if they wanna sell to junkies who are gonna overdose on their next hit then that's really up to them. he just tries to guide them by telling em' the right things to do even in a shady business like their own. 

w/ that being said shiloh is also a huge part of it, being his right hand man and all. rocky isn't all too meticulous or anything fancy like that, so he leaves a lot of decisions up to shiloh and honestly they're both huge dads just running a drug ring fjsiudhfgi 

HE KNOWS HE'S SO FUCKING TALENTED // regarding his personality 

rocky is a cocky piece of shit honestly i hate it but best concept

he genuinely thinks so highly of himself ?? even though he knows he's up to Some Shit ??

anyways i just wanted to mention that LMAO but find his full list of attributes here that i jst ctrl c ctrl v from the app. honestly will tell u all about his personality. thanks for reading this long ass, terribly structured, shitty shitty intro honestly u.... deserve a medal if u got thru it. is it too late to mention tht english is not my first language fhsuidfh