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tacomicyuri · 18 days

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copypasting stuff here…

THINKING ABT…tacomic, when shes getting domesticated and actually gets served a proper meal she only eats a tiny bit, mic asks why and taco says she needs to save it so that she doesnt starve. mic reminds her she has access to a bunch of food now, and she can eat what she wants! but this sorta backfires because when she gets comfortable eating more, taco binge eats to the point where she gets sick, but she getd the hang of it eventually, the first time taco got hiccups in over a decade because she hadnt eaten that fast before was super surprising for her, but she was so cute so mic held her as she protested her hiccups, “my body is DEFYING ME! lay low you horrid hiccups!”

this is Wonderful. Yees it would totally take taco a bit to get used to not having to scavenge in the forest. I think her getting used to it and then just eating a ton is great, like yeah what has she been living off of She needs this after going so long outside. I think people don’t talk about her literally living in the woods enough.. she’s like a real life warrior cat who after mic takes her to hotel oj becomes a kittypet (a bit begrudgingly) and then gets suuper used to the lifestyle and though she still thinks of her life in the woods she feels a lot more comforted in this home Why am I comparing her to warrior cats sorry wc is on the brain currently. Yeah I find domesticated tacomic really interesting because taco has a lot to get used to, but now she’s in a safer environment and has a better chance to reflect on herself and make amends. She slowly gets better and works on herself with mic by her side helping her adjust and rooting her on. I think they deserve to truly be happy together even if they might not ever reach that true state, taco’s still improving and still needs work on her morals and her ways of living and thinking before her and mic can actually see eye to eye. And that takes a while. The final breaking point that made mic choose to leave was because taco broke an agreement that went against mic’s morals, but she did it because she thought this one little slip up wouldn’t matter because she gave mic what she Thought she truly wanted, praise and attention. She read her diary in the beginning, she knew how she felt about herself and others and how she wanted to be Seen, just not in the way taco put upon her. She did it with the thought mic would just forgive her, and maybe even be appreciative of her, but she wasn’t thinking about what mic Truly wants, she’s pushing a bit of herself upon mic’s wants. In her head she was doing the right thing, but in reality she wasn’t quite seeing what mic actually had wanted. Mic wanted to be Heard, and taco went against the one thing mic told her not to, in doing so she wasn’t listening to her. That makes me so ill. She really was expecting mic to be Happy about what she had did, because of what it brought to mic, but then she leaves and taco gets to really think about how her choices and morals do have consequences and not everything will go the way she thinks in her head, or through her reasoning. I wonder what would’ve happened if taco chose to actually listen to what mic had wanted in that moment, but I guess she was a bit too full of herself and her abilities and thought in giving what she thought mic wanted to her on a silver platter it could make them closer, stronger, a tighter bond. Then their entire existing bond got cracked by her going against her word and shattered upon mic breaking ties. I wouldn’t say it’s shattered beyond repair, taco just has to think a bit more about others thoughts

#mic-asks #tacomic #taco got to live out her dreams as a warrior cat im so happy for her #sorry I got a bit sidetracked at the end they make me sick #also sorry if I repeated the same thing a couple times that’s just how I get a point across #it’s hard for me to put my thoughts into words most the time #but I just have so many thoughts about them

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my-castles-crumbling · 4 months

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okay so hi..

um ive seen people do this so ig im going to as well.

basically i and my gf (she/her) have been in a relationship for nearly 6 months (6 in two weeks). we're both 19.

we met through my bsf and her bsf dating and now we are (i had the biggest crush on her but genuinely didnt think she'd give me a chance).

ive had pretty bad luck in relationships before and they never lasted more than 3 or 4 months mainly due to the fact that im asexual and btoh previous oartners just assumed they could change me (???) but she genuinely understood and went out of her way to make me comfortable and make it known that nothing will be demanded of me more than that which i can give.

from the beginning of the relationship, ive made some rules very clear which are like my no nonsense ones, like i wont tolerate them usually at all.

one of them being not making me purposefully uncomfortable and the main big one is not yelling/shouting, especially at me. (i have past trauma from my parents and it has in the oast made me shut down completely for days at a time, only getting up to feed my cat)

on one of our beginning dates i mentioned this really nice and sorta expensive restaurant that ive always wanted to try but reservations are really hard to get.

she joked saying that oh id love to go with hou ehicb i laughed at but was mildly excited about.

so i got the reservation for yesterday, i made the reservation for two.

last month i told my girlfriend that i have finally got the reservation and would like to go with her, told her the dates and time and everything and she seemed genuinely excited to go with me.

now last week i confirmed her availability again, and asked her what colored dress she was wearing so i could match it with my clothes and we decided on a color etc and also to get ready at my place because her bsf has their family over so shes will be staying with me for 2 weeks.

now, yesterday, after i was done with my work i went to the living room just to well see her and hug her cz i missed her a bit since i hadnt really seen her in about 5 hours (i was working). when i knocked at her door, she opened it and was ready with a dress (not the color we agreed on), her purse laying in the background as she greeted me with a big smile and kiss (on the cheek).

i asked her isnt she ready a bit early and she just looked at me confusedly and said no i hve to meet R (her friend) at 4:30 so im just on time.

i asked why and where she's going just to know if she'd be back and she said that theyre going to the mall and then to the movies because R is leaving in 3 days to go on vacation so they want to spend some time togetehr.

i smiled and wished her luck, i thiught that maybe i got the day wrong but i hadnt and i was actually really sad because all my life, everyone in my family would repeatedly just forget about my plans and my shit for others' and she knew abt that.

but anyways, so i decided to still go and i took this really lovely lady, who's homeless but i buy her a meal everyday and take her out to lunch once a week. (shes like in her 30s btw)

we had a lovely time and the food was divine, i even helped the lady get ready in a changing room.

but anyways on my way home i realised i had 3 missed calls from my girlfriend and a text that just said.

we need to talk as soon as you get home.

the moment j entered my apartment, she just started to yell at me about how much of a piece of shit i am, how people forget and its not a big deal, how im an arse, how not everything is supposed to be about me, and could i possibly imagine how she felt coming back to an empty apartment, she thought something had happened to me.

that is not the order she sais everything in but someway through my breathing started to get extraordinarily fast and i coukd feel my vision getting blurry.

i said sorry to her, or i think(?) i cant really remember stuff when i get panic attacks like this. i took my cat and went to my room.

it took quite a while for my cat to calm me down bur she was able to in the end.

this morning, i made breakfast for her and since i have today off from uni i decided to go to my job (i work part-time remote but can come and go to the iffice if i wish)

its my break rn and im thinking about it, maybe it wasnt a big deal? maybe i should have reminded her again but like idk it was a pretty big thing for me.

i feel bad, i feel like i made a mountain out if a molehill and shouldve just apologised properly and explained to her that its okay and that it wasnt that big of a deal.

i dont knwo?

i wanted some advice because i truly feel very strongly for her and shes the only relationship ive had in which i feel valued and had zero self doubt (up until yesterday)

im sorry it was so long, and thank you for your help.

Hi!!

Okay so...this is hard because, I don't know if either of you are to blame, here. Your girlfriend wasn't great for forgetting, but then I was wondering why you didn't say anything? But then she was shit for yelling later....

I'm wondering if this is the first time this has happened? It sounds like a lack of communication, you know? I think you guys really need to sit down and discuss how you were both feeling. But if this becomes a pattern, especially your girlfriend yelling, I would think more about the relationship.

Keep me updated! I'm naming you orange anon.

#ask #asks #ask cas #orange anon

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kaleidosouls · 1 year

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SU reclaimed pearl rambles

im gonna use some annoying comments i got on my reclaimed pearl as a springboard for what i think could be interesting discussion because i think its good to engage with criticism/different opinions. but also if you talk to me like an asshole i want you to fuck off and i promised i wouldnt engage in that kind of stuff bc its not good for me and it doesnt Look good for me either.

so i can talk about my thoughts but not engage directly, win win. its been months but im still really fond of the pearl i made specially this art. like it coudl be better but i like it well enough. just a little header so this isnt a boring post with only text

i think like, its good to establish ground rules that like, i think most of the poor reactions ive seen towards my art were missing, mostly in bad faith probably but in case theres ppl who earnestly want to understand. actually maybe i can format it like a little FAQ even though theyre not frequent or asked lskdjg just for outlining my points. ill put it behind a cut but ill frontline w this: if youre a fan of pearl in the show, this content is not for you. youre allowed to like whatever you want and so am i. if you like her, we probably wont get along and you probably will feel very personally irritated by how i FEEL about her, so just walk away now. im not gonna engage with petty shit taht juts boils down to 'im mad you dont like what i like'

onwards to more rambling / sorta responding to some criticism

i scrolled back and i guess i sorta never have actually done a proper full explanation post about this AU have i? or maybe i have and deleted it, i forgor

why did you change pearl?

because i hate her, simple as. i went from a huge SU fan to hating watching it (i did finish) and pearl is probably The biggest reason why, as like issues with her character seep into other aspects of the show that i also hate. like i mean i Realyl hate her. she makes the experience of watching the show really irritating and miserable for me. if you dont feel taht way about her thats totally normal and whatever but no one is gonna change my experience and feelings that i had watching SU since the 1st season was coming out.; anyway answering. there is a Lot i love about SU and want to engage with, so i had the idea of like,maybe ill just change pearl, cause i wanted to delete her, really, but she is one of the main characters and she hasa function as a character that you cant just do away with. essentially im just like, some guy, who draws, coping and trying to reclaim his teenage investimetn in this show. literally its just for ME. but if anyone else feels like i do, then they can enjoy it too. if somoene doesnt feel like i do, go watch like pearl fancams or smth. like ill never be able to literlaly change the show as it is, like its happened, and its a tragedy im trying to move on from (begrudgingly)

why do you hate pearl?

the long laundry list of reasons are probably apparent in the ways i remade her lol (theyre not i can tell ppl are gonna project whatever worst bad faith reason for any change i make) but tbh the core of it is this, which is like, beyond whatever traits she has and whatever: she reminds me of my abusers. always had, from season 1, but like it became worse as the series went on. its like really infurating and upsetting to watch SU bc of her. had my abusers been a different kind of person, maybe i wouldnt hate her so much (kinda doubt tbh). like her personality and behavior are like hough disgosting!!

why did you change (some physical trait about her design)?

i dont really necessarily have a PROBLEM with canon pearls design. over the years ive come to like SU's style less and less but like, gestures, whatever. like i didnt like it or anything but its not like a bit deal compared to the actual offender that is her personality and behavior. the reason i redesigned her at all is bc like, if i hadnt, i would still be thinking about the way she is in canon all the time. like ive visually associated her like, appearance with all the shit about her thta makes me upset so i had to so she didnt look like the same person anymore, and i can try to let go of some of the hatred in my heart. like i want to think about the thigns about SU that i loved and also the potential i always saw in it and canon pearl is like, an active obstacle to that, to the point taht i cant even see her without getting like irked. i tried to keep enough similar traits so from a glance youd be like, who the fuck- is that pearl? rather than like. completely change her entirely to whatever i wanted. i do want to like, its a creative exercise. i want to try and change the things that would make me happy to see gone but try to work within the constraints of the SU we Did get as much as i can tolerate. bc like.... if the sky was the limit then at this poin wed just have to throw the whole thing away and start from scratch. like its kinda not really very salvageable, like im not rewirting SU to be like a Good show or fix Everything, its kinda too broken. im just chnaging enough so i can look at the actual show, screenshots, songs etc, and not feel overcome wtih like the grief and irriatation of how much it sucked ass. its just so i can enjoy more of it again

i dont like your redesign for (insert reason)

cool. thanks for your input. youre welcome! eat my asshole. seriously though, like, shrugs. i didnt make it for anyone other than myself. tbh im not fully satisfied with it either bc i think the SU style is kinda ugly, so im at a crossroads. should i mostly abandon the SU style? ive like, tested out tweaking things, it mightve been noticeable in screenshot redraws. drawing within the SU style is to create that coping 'oh it was totally like this haha' vibe but maybe im old enough to not need that anymore lol. like ive heard ppl say shit like shes ugly, or like sneakily trying to imply im like, got some agenda over beauty or racism etc. like whatever, think whatever you want, its not for you. go back to sucking up to rebecca or smth like i cant take the og pearl away from you still i am open for like that kind of criticism like, do i have personal biases affecting my design decisions? probably. i do try to keep aware of why im choosing certain things, but really in this case i cant emphasize enough how like, irritating it is that i have to change her design at all. like its hard to come up w smth else when the rest of the cast ahs already been design to balance off the og pearl. i probably wouldnt change almost anything if the sight of her didnt piss me the fuck off! most of all i kinda wouldve preferred to keep her hair short bc it messes up the sillouete but it makes me think too much of canon pearl so i made it long :/ i was like let me tell you my design thought process: -im gonna try to keep as many recognizable traits about her design while taking away bit by bit until she doesnt look like the og pearl to me anymore and i dont feel angry seeing her. pearl is lanky, tall, spindly, with a gem on the forehead, blue white pink yellow pastel colors, large pointed nose. i kinda tried to keep these traits while slightly tweaking their design until she looked different enough. is it a good design? eh idk. like the purpose is to make me not hate her and it does that job

now this hate comment im gonna grace with keeping it intact except removing the person bc its not about them. its like, a very stupid ass headed comment but im actually kind of interested in like,jumping off of it to ponder some things

im not heterosexual or cis enough to know what exactly wife bate means in this context so im gonna like guess, that maybe i could extract this q from that reply (also not looking like shes from steven universe is a compliment thanks)

you took away her personality and made her boring

the only thing i can assume is that like, some people must interpret the absence of an assholey personality or like abusive behavior is 'boring'. i know thats a really bad faith assumption but like, if ive written down a bunch of personality traits and you still come out saying thats 'no personality' what am i to make of that lol. based on my experience like Existing online, people tend to often call nice characters 'boring', like dude ive done it before, but i think im kinda over that edgy phase. also again, its for me and not for you so if you think shes boring, thanks for your input i dont care. but thinkign about it earnestly, i dfeintely dont want to make a character thats just no flaw and not interesting ofc, i havent done that with reclaimed pearl. that being said i havent like, probably written a lot demonstrating what i want her to be like instead of the canon pearl so, maybe ppl just are feeling lost with the lack of information.

personally, if i hear someone thinks a character is boring bc theyre not abusive anymore like, nothing of value has been lost. but characters do need flaws in order to create conflict and cause things to happen, like in a way canon pearl is like All flaw, which wouldnt be a problem except she gets away wtih all the horrible shit she did. heres some traits i want to explore with reclaimed pearl, some are similar to canon i just wanna go about it a different way: being overprotective/possessive to steven in a smothering way, projecting abandonment issues, not reaching out/communicating her emotions properly, lacking indepedence/self worth, depending on others to avoid confronting her own issues, being very passive and insecure and lacking initiative (this being the totally opposite trait that canon pearl has), stunting stevens development due to her not being ready for him to grow up and not need her anymore. and more, this is just from the top of my head. maybe thats still too 'boring' for ppl because shes not being selfish and inconsiderate enough to others so you can relate to her but i dont care :p

gosh how do i go about like, presenting the content i ahve in my head for this AU).. i cantjust remake the whole damn show. i would if i could, tbh

i have concerns about racist implications wrt (insert thing here about my redesign)

imma be frank. i dont know how to compltely 'clean up' any possible bad associations wrt pearl as a character given how like, rebecca has literally like, made her to be a slave in love with her slave owner and made it to be like, an uwu ideal lesbiab thing for most of the show until they tried to pretend no we understood the flaws in this dynamic all along and its bad actually , uhh, anyway shows over haha

ill say the main reason i changed her skintone is, bc that would be the like most instant way to make her look differnt from canon (which is vital for me for the reasons said above), and i did consider like, does this make the whole thing worse, or, ?? like, as they made it in the show, techincally All the gems are slaves to the diamonds, arent they? including all the very totally progressive poc based gems including and specially the ones who are made to be understood as black women. bruh like idk what to tell you this show is just fuckig bad sdlgkj like its just way too like, pervasive in my teen years forme to throw the baby w the bathwater entirely. and ill just straight up say it, like, im not a specialist on these topics nor do i hav ea position of authority to speak on about it. like the pearls read more clearly as slaves (very intentionally by the showrunners) bc they are meant to be subservient to gems Other than diamonds. and also bc they like fit in the stereotype of housemaid servant. like the rubies being made to just be forced to go and fight like they are slaves too, they have no rights and no like, authority to disobey or autonomy. but fsr like, slavery as in physical labor just doesnt immeidately set off ppls alarms as much as housework slavery does fsr.

i can only rly like change the canon so much and try to like, tweak things so it doesn feel as gross but i think for it to be cmpletely not insneistive at all youd have to throw away the whole show. and like i said, this isnt like me saying like im making the show good or as it shouldve been, im making it so I (and ppl who share my feelings about the show) can feel less shitty just thinking back to it. its just an exercise. im not like mass media im just one independent artist and shit will come out insensitve sometimes and im sorry but im also like, my art isnt meant to be representative and like, responsiuble for fixing all of society and racism like i actually cant do that. ill just do the best i can as an asian dude but like, if my work makes you upset, im sorry, but also just block me. like i cant please everyone. or like, even better, make YOUR take on pearl taht you feel would be better, like make the art you feel should exist.

this post is too damn long and id be surprised if anyone reads all of it but if you do, tahnk you! i felt kinda like ready to fight tonight so im triyng to redirect it from aggression to like, thinking. i cant guarantee im making new content for su reclaimed anytime soon but i would really like to, tbh

#su critical #steven universe reclaimed #ranting whatever blah blahb lah sdkjg

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mamawasatesttube · 1 year

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‘straight on til morning’ is so delicious and mesmerising, thank you so much for it!! i’d love to hear about your writing process/tips & tricks if you don’t mind!

thank you so much!!! i'm so happy to hear you enjoyed it!!! :D

as for my writing process... man. im one of those guys who can't write anything longish without outlining. like, A Lot. i also do all my outlines by hand in a physical notebook because that's just what scratches my brain itch nicely and makes the story marinate better in my head!

sotm started off as me going "NOBODY has written a proper long story about kon's knockout and tana trauma?!?!! NO ONE?!?!?" (well, there was one i saw, but it hadnt been updated in like. 5+ years and hadn't really gotten into the meat of it yet iirc.) it sort of manifested in my mind as two distinct images: 1) kon looking at the glint of light off the rim of a teacup while trying not to cry + asking dick grayson what to do, and 2) kon asking clark why he wasn't a child worth protecting.

my first step with a longfic is always to take those initial images, throw them onto a plot diagram, and then fill in the spaces in between. the og one for sotm looks like this!

after that i go flesh out each point further and develop scenes per chapter. like, here you can see each chapter's basic plot points, but then as i got to each chapter i'd further flesh it out a Lot in the notebook, with as much detail as i could think of. for example, ch5's outline and notes look like this:

when i outline, i tend to try to imagine both the general vibes for a scene and specific dialogue notes, because i like sorta having guidelines for how to steer the scene as i write it. otherwise i tend to get pretty indecisive as to where it's going, and then i stop writing to think (or overthink) about what should be happening.

so when i do get a new idea and deviate from the outline i actually go back and rework the entire thing dhfjkds!! this happened in sotm, when i decided i wanted to add an extra chapter and focus more also on kon's career crisis, especially as it relates to his realization that OH, he's traumatized by tana in more ways than he knew. so i went back and outlined and fiddled with the last leg of the plot further:

and ... yeah that's about it!! i work pretty much In Order on everything i do, so it's: outline, outline some more, write the chapter, outline the next chapter, etc.

...also i'm not gonna lie i did partly just use this question as an excuse to show off some of my pretty pens. i am so weak for pretty pens. connoisseur of gelly rolls in particular. <3

ty for asking!! i hope this shed some light on it/actually answered what you were interested in, it was a fun writeup to do :)

#answers #elegantlyloquacious #long post

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exalted-dawn-drabbles · 1 year

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How about “Hey! I may be a dumbass but I’m your dumbass!” for Alistair/Shaesa?

omg omg omg I was so happy when I got this prompt and I knew IMMEDIATELY what I wanted to do. So this is a lil scene after Alistair finds out that Shaesa had been previously engaged, and he gets a bit insecure about it cause Shaesa was his first love and finding out she had someone before him that she felt THAT SERIOUSLY about (jokes on him, it was arranged, but he didn't know that lol) sorta freaked him out. He started distancing himself from Shae but she noticed and called him out on it and so this is what happens after that :3 hope you enjoy! for @dadrunkwriting Rated G: Fluffy goodness, ~800 words

Try Again | By Exalted_Dawn

Shaesa stifled a snort into her palm, her smile curling against sword-formed calluses in a cheeky sort of way. Even so, the feeble attempt did little to hide the blossoming up-turn to her lips, or the way her eyes crinkled with joy, so the elf didn’t bother to pretend that she didn’t find this whole situation funny. “Maker, you’re such an idiot,” she chuckled, the words almost breathy as she spoke them, clouding on the brisk morning wind.

From the corner of her eye, she watched as Alistair’s face turned an even deeper shade of red (something she hadnt previously thought possible), scrunching in an adorably flustered scowl. “What? And you’ve never made a wrong assumption, hm?” he muttered, scrubbing at the back of his head. “It’s not as if you particularly liked to talk about it in the beginning, and when your father brought it up, I thought-”

Shaesa broke off with a laugh, curling in on herself. She rocked back against the Vhenadahl, using its sturdy trunk to balance against as she finally and truly succumbed to her amusement. She shook her head briskly, wiping a stray tear from her eye as she did. “What? That I’d lost the love of my life? That I’d never want to be engaged again?” She peaked up at the man standing beside her, all wrapped up in scarves and a thick-knit traveling cloak from head to toe. He really was too cute for his own good. It was hardly fair. She sighed deeply, sucking down a centering breath in an attempt to reign in at least some of her laughter, and reached over to grab his hand in hers. “Alistair. Just because I was once, doesn’t mean that I’m still spoken for. Sorta hard to be betrothed to a ghost… y’know?”

He stared idly at their interlocked hands, fingers woven together tight, and Shaesa watched as something in him settled. His gaze grew distant, more contemplative and sullen. His head dipped in a tentative nod. So he wasn’t entirely convinced, then.

Huffing, she turned and yanked him to face her, picking up his other hand so she held both aloft between them. She squeezed roughly, her conviction demanding. “Marry me.”

Alistair blinked. “I’m sorry- what?”

“Marry me, you dumbass,” she repeated, stern.

“Uh-”

Shaesa frowned up at him expectantly, glaring down his baffled confusion.

“Wait, are you serious?” Alistair asked.

“Of course I am.”

“What do you mean ‘of course you are’????” he quacked, balking. “You just ask like that? Out of the blue? With absolutely no warning or preparation?”

Shaesa’s frown deepened a fraction. “Well I wouldn’t exactly say it was without planning, or entirely out of the blue. We were talking about it, and it’s been on my mind for some time now. I thought, if you really cared about me being engaged, then-”

Alistairs lips closed over hers, pressing and insistent. Warm, against the Denerim chill. Shaesa signed into the kiss, leaning up into him as he stooped to cup her face, drawing her closer. His thumbs brushed across her freckled cheeks in tender refrain, teasing a flush to them to match his own.

They parted slowly, breath catching in the air between them. Shaesa could not help the silly, lopsided grin on her lips. “So I take it that’s a ‘yes’, then?”

“Absolutely not,” Alistair puffed indignantly, thunking his forehead against her own. “You don’t even have a ring- let alone flowers or proper mood lighting. I’m not some cheap date, you know. If you were going to propose, I would have liked to see some actual effort.”

“But if I did have all that stuff…?” She tried not to sound too hopeful, in case he was simply deflecting through humor. But her worries were swept away as Alistair grinned something goofy and pecked her nose with another kiss.

“I suppooooose you’ll just have to ask me again and find out, won’t you?” He grabbed her hand again and tugged her along, back towards the direction of Shaesa’s family home. His ears were pink to their very tip, but his grip was firm and sure.

The nerves in her softened, as did her smile. She squeezed his hand back, stumbling to catch up with him. “You really are a dumbass,” she murmured, love swelling in her chest. How could he have doubted her for a second? As if she ever stood a chance against him.

“Yeah, well,” he started, not even bothering to look back at her. “I’m your dumbass now, so I guess you’re stuck with me. Afraid it's a bit too late for regrets.”

Regrets?

Never.

#dadwc #dragon age fanfiction #dragon age fanfic #alistair x tabris #dragon age #shaesa tabris #alistair theirin

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fictionkinfessions · 1 year

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its weird being kin with a character who is so commonly headcanoned to have NPD (while not having npd), and then having NPD now like man i Didnt have npd i was riddled with a whole other set of mental health issues lol

"omgg leo isnt DEPRESSED he has NPD and just needs support from his family to validate himself!!" like good for you live your life but also No i Didnt i acted as the "face man" because a) i didnt have a Niche in the team and b) nobody else really Was the face man like i didnt have a *role* aside from just being The Fourth Turtle like, donnie had his tech and raph was built like a tank and also Is Raph i mean cmon, and mikey had his fucken Razzmatazz and i was just sorta There Leo, blue guy, red eared slider, liked instant noodles and cold drinks and warm blankets and sorta just not really A Part of it like why do you think i took up being the fucking medic? so id be like!! useful!!! so id have something to do to say i was helping!! do you know how taxing it is to go and set bones and be the one to help your brothers after they have their shit rocked by like. meatsweats or something? fuck like im not MAD at them but it was like. a stressful thing. but i HAD nothing else! i wasnt leader until way later on and no matter what raph would always be the Unofficial Leader. my portals didnt compare to any of the shit my brothers could do. like "oh yeah hey i can make fucking portals" meanwhile raph can a) FUCKING DUPLICATE HIMSELF and b) make a projection of himself thats like 5 times his size mikey can a) THROW BOATS??? AND BUILDINGS???? WITH HIS FUCKING NUNCHUCKS???? b) yk. make inter-dimensional portals so not even my PORTALS are unique c) FLOAT. EVENTUALLY. d) like. pyro-related stuff i guess. and donnie's so fucking smart he doesnt even NEED mystic shit!! his tech-bo is like, yaknow, EVERYTHING YOUD WANT out of something called a "tech-bo", he set up all of our lair's tech, he made the heaters, he made AI's with the same capabilities of a human brain, and then add on MYSTICS to that???? holy SHIT. then theres dad who can just Kick Ass apparently despite being a tiny rat-man. april is the most resourceful person i know, casey and casey jr. are both STUPIDLY good with hand-to-hand combat because of fucking course they are. barry is a) physically capable somehow, b) has his stupid fucking vines and c) is an ALCHEMIST. even fucking sunita is more interesting than me!!! like what the shit! the most I contribute is being a fucking pest!!! my unfunny-streak has CONTINUED into Now, and im just as uninteresting and all this is stupid because draxum made all of us WITH A PURPOSE. the tank, the strategist, the analyst and the mediator. raph, me, don and mikey. i know, factually im not "without purpose". im part of our stupid, biologically-designed unit. but i cant fucking help myself. what the point of a strategist if the analyst is smart enough to fix everything if something goes wrong. what good is a strategist if the mediator can, again, THROW. BUILDINGS. what fucking GOOD is a STRATEGIST if the TANK can protect everyone!! "oh but leo! you trapped Him in the prison dimension" it wouldnt have been a PROBLEM if I hadnt let them out in the FIRST PLACE. it doesnt MATTER that i didnt know what it was! it still happened BECAUSE OF ME. donnie had to fucking, idk, INTEGRATE with THE FUCKING TECHNODROME cause of me! mikey fried himself cause of ME! dad and april got hurt cause of me! raph got fucking kidnapped and infected BECAUSE OF ME! if i wasnt a factor, the invasion wouldnt have happened at all, and my whole "planning to trap Prime in the prison dimension + self sacrifice" thing wouldnt have even HAD TO HAPPEN, so that point is WORTHLESS! i am a """strategist""" that only serves to hurt his unit. and what kind of fucking strategist is that.

-leo (probably from Lemonade Leak i guess) 🔷⚔🌌. sorry for this ask, mpc. probs more venty than you bargained for.

🐸

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #leokin #rottmntkin #lemonadeleakkin #mental health issue #canoning issue #food cw #caps cw #demolition cw #ableist language cw #mod party cat

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asahicore · 1 year

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hello, hello. here the anon that once gave you some recommendations of kdramas. how have you been doing?

I saw some gifs you reblogged of see you in my 19th life and I couldn’t help to come ask you. what do you think of it? I have a bit of a conflict on how easy things turned out after ji-eum found ae-gyeong. but aside from that, I’m very excited and looking forward to it.

there’s something so heartwarming about this kdrama and I’m loving it.

— ☕️! anon

omg hi anon !!! i've been doing well, thank you!! what about you? sadly i have not gotten around to your recommendations from last time yet, but ive noted them down so i will watch at some point haha

but yes i'm loving this kdrama too, i love the cinematography and the dialogue in it, i already knew i was in love with ahn bohyun but oh my god im discovering shin hye-sun with this one and i love her so so much shes such a good actress!! i just love it when fls arent afraid to shower the ml with love, even though hes not reciprocating it rn 😭 i love their dynamic so far!! and tbh i hadnt even noticed how easy things had gone for ji-eum, i think after watching so many kdramas i dont even clock that sorta stuff because it always happens 😭 like everything just coincides in the most perfect way possible for them lol, it is kind of annoying thats true, i guess the writers just wanted to show the beginning of how she'd found her "niece" and seo-ha again, then have a time skip so that the romance was actually age appropriate lol. i think what i have a conflict with is that it'd probably make more sense for her to just tell them who she is, but of course that would make the drama a lot shorter so they can't have that haha, i'm sure they would believe her because in her 18th life as ju-won she was already saying things about having past lives etc. but i also like this thing shes got going on of making him fall for her as ji-eum and not ju-won. im excited to see him heal, im also excited to cry more about her and cho-won because they are cute, and i swear cho-won deserves the world i dont trust the assistant friend guy yet (cant even rmb his name) but we'll see if he steps up. so yes sorry this ended up getting long haha but im really looking forward to this weekend for the new eps, waiting is torture and i really hope they will continue with the high quality bc this is such a strong start for me !! thank u for the ask anon!!!

#☕️! anon #answered #see you in my 19th life

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ms-hells-bells · 2 years

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okay so i just turned seventeen, but last year in may i was sixteen and back then i logged into this spam account i used to have that i abandoned, and i had a bunch of old msg's from my friends but i only answered one, it was from my old male best friend who i used to sorta date but the point is he asked me how i was doing, if i moved bc i hadnt been active on anything or answering anyones messages for over a year, i just said 'good' and kept my answers brief but then he said 'is there anything new with you?' and this is the part where i messed up bad, i couldnt take the pain anymore and i asked him to keep this between us, he said yes, and i told him 1. i got raped 2. there was a vid sent to me 3. i am 2m pregnant because i felt sick about telling my family, he was the first person i told just to try to make myself feel better and he said "Thank you for telling me" and left it at that

this is seriously fucking haunting me, sorry if im dramatic but looking back i think he definitely told his friends, he was uncomfortable, or didnt care and whenever i sleep at night i get reminded of it and i just feel so awful inside, i dont know how to make myself feel better and i couldnt take the embarrassment of messaging him on that exact account so i used another one of my spams and told him happy birthday a few months ago, he said thank you hes thinking of me blahblah but (not that its a big deal) he didnt even tell me happy birthday and i feel like he doesnt care about me or the times we had, i thought maybe he didnt know what to say (bc wtf is thank you for telling me???? or let know know if that was a normal reply and these paragraphs are not a big deal) but then i had to remind myself that okay, he's twenty and he was probably uncomfortable especially because we hadnt talked in 1year+. of course i apologized bc it was kinda trauma dumping on him but im so embarrassed how do i overcome it, should i delete the messages??? i think that could help but im also too embarassed to reread them i feel like i should kms the humiliation is unreal

i thought time would fix it but its been 9 months. time did not help me. if you dont have a solution ty anyways and im probably going to delete the msgs once i can bring myself to log in

first of all, i'm so sorry that that happened to you, that's awful.

i think you really need therapy, you've gone through a terrible thing, and you feel extremely alone and terrified of being judged. he responded the only way he could to hearing something like that, i think 'thank you for telling me' means 'thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this' as it can be so hard to tell that to someone. a lot of people also don't like saying 'sorry' because it comes off as disingenuous, so i think 'thank you for telling me' is the best response he could have given in that situation, especially as an older male talking to you (16 vs 20).

i think that, though it'll be hard, you need to stop thinking about it. you confided in someone you had trust with, he responded in a supportive way, and you haven't brought it up afterwards, meaning there's very little chance that he felt 'trauma dumped' on or extremely uncomfortable (of course, it'd be uncomfortable to hear that, but that's a natural reaction out of empathy). you told him, that's it, it's best to move on. it's so hard to with anxiety, where you overthink everything that you do and say, and others' reactions, but i found that the best thing to do is just take things like this at face value. he provided the appropriate support an acquaintance would, you got it off your chest to someone, and you both proceed with the best path forward; he continues chatting with you casually when it comes up, given you're living different and physically separated lives, and you continue the process of healing from your trauma.

tldr: you did nothing wrong, you were vulnerable and needed someone to talk to. he responded a bit awkwardly, but in good faith, and is continuing to talk to you in the appropriate amount for a somewhat out of contact old friend. nothing to regret, it's just a matter of finding a proper outlet for you via therapy and support from people who are physically present and closer (personally) to you in order to healthily cope with your trauma.

i hope any of this helps.

#rape tw

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woodsteingirl · 3 years

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A case in suburbia, domestic dynamics, and a forever home. What could go wrong?

the moment i’ve been waiting for! chapter one is up now! read here or under the cut.

Cas and Dean were searching for a forever house. They had been pretty much since Cas got back from the empty. They were ready to distance themselves from hunting. Dean had always wanted a sort of suburban, white picket fence life, even if he didn’t admit it to anyone. And since he already admitted how he truly felt to Cas, why not throw his need for a domestic lifestyle into the mix. Cas was all for it. Ever since Jack had given up most of his powers to Amara, thus causing her to take his place as God and him almost human, Cas had been hoping for a place to raise him like a normal child. The bunker was great for hunting and a place for Cas, Dean, and Sam, but not so much for raising a 5-year-old kid.

House hunting had been a burden to bear, but they were making out alright. Up till this, they’d looked at about 3 other houses. They were all a no for different reasons. The first one Cas decided was in a school district that wouldn’t be good for Jack, the second didn’t have a big enough garage or backyard, and the third didn’t have enough bedrooms for all of their family to stay. With the whole credit card scam they’d been running for as long as they remember, budget wasn’t really a problem, but they didn’t want something extravagant.

There it was, 538 Chapel Street in Pine River Crossings. It wasn’t too far out of Lawrence, only a few hours' drive, and all the houses looked nice. Very cookie cutter, but that was sort of the appeal. They couldn’t guarantee that they would fit in with the traditional, upper middle-class people, but what the hell, if they could kill god they could take suburbia.

A few days passed, and they were set up to look at the home. They drove the hour and a half to the next medium-sized town with the belief in their minds that this was the one. It had all they needed, a two-car garage, a respectable school district, and two guest bedrooms. They were so caught up in this concept they made the mistake of not checking the news for the nearby areas. Once they arrived, a realtor who showed them around the dwelling greeted them. It was all they could ask for and more practically too good to be true, especially for people like them. The actual presentation of the house went over without too many problems. The person exhibiting the residence commented on how it had been on display for almost a month now, which was the first red flag. A house as nice as this, in a densely populated area, would usually not be on the market for that long in weeks unless there was some hidden con.

They signed on it not a day after seeing the house in person. It was all set up and they could officially start moving stuff in the next week. They officially shared the good news with everyone the day after they signed. Sam was beyond happy for them. Not only would he finally have a space to himself, he was proud of his brother for living the life he’d always wanted. Jack was thrilled that he would get to go to actual school and have friends that were his age and not cosmic entities. In the meantime, Cas did more research into the neighborhood. There was their hidden con. The newspaper Cas had pulled up on his phone said, “Local Couple Murdered in Own Home.”

“Dean, look at this.”

Okay, that was a setback. A murderer on the loose in the neighborhood they were moving into was not exactly what he had planned, but he had delt with worse. “Alright, that could be a problem.”

“I think it’s a little bigger than a problem,” Cas retorted.

“Is it our type of thing or just something local law enforcement could deal with?”

Cas read on in the article, “the couple was stabbed, there was no sign of forced entry, neighbors reported nothing amiss besides lights flickering before the murder. The weapon, as well as the perpetrator, was never found. No official suspects have been labeled, everyone has seemed to have an alibi.”

“It definitely sounds like our thing. Lights flickering, no breaking and entering, and all.”

They decided they could pose as residents, as it seemed perfectly normal for the newcomers to be concerned about the literal murderer on the loose. Since Cas was newly human, and Jack was, well, 5, Dean thought they might need outside help. Being out of practice to spend more time with your husband and child really had its fallbacks. Sam was off the table as backup. He was out of town and Dean didn't want to interrupt his first weekend without him in god knows how long. Plus, they needed someone who wouldn't draw too much attention to their family dynamic.

“Hey, Cas, what do you think about calling in Claire to help us with this one? You think she’d do it?”

“Calling her in for help is a good idea, whether or not shed actually do it is another question.”

“I’ll call and ask, and if she wants to help, and if not then I can think of something else.”

He kept his promise and called Claire not an hour later. He decided it might be best not to tell her it was undercover work, or that it was taking place in a white picket fence neighborhood, as that might turn her off from it almost immediately.

“Hey Claire, its been too long since we’ve talked,” he started.

“Hi Dean. what do you want, there’s no way you’re just calling to catch up if you’re starting with ‘its been too long.’”

“You got me there. I was just wondering if you wanted to come with me and Cas on a hunt. Its not too far from the bunker and we’d have you back home in a week.”

“Sure, that works. When do we start?” She hadnt seen Dean and Cas since they rescued Cas. That was over a month ago, she’d been meaning to visit, but she’d been so busy with hunting, and getting to know Kaia again now that she was finally back. This seemed like a perfect opportunity to reconnect and not miss out on anything too big back at home.

“If you could come down here by Wednesday, that’d be great.”

“Sounds good. I’ll see you then.” She was tempted to sign off with an ‘I love you’ but she was never a lovey-dovey person in that way.

On tuesday she promised Jody she’d be extra careful and would be back in under a week. Kaia told her to make sure to call every day and update her on what was happening. Claire agreed, promising to keep in touch. She spent the rest of the day driving down to Kansas.

Back on Dean and Cas’s end, they were trying to get the house set up for 4 people when they had no furniture prior to this. Cas had always loved furniture shopping even before he had a use for it. When he worked at the Gas-and-Sip, he would browse the home improvement magazines in his spare time. Dean was pretty much the opposite. He had never had reason to care for it, so he didn't. Maybe his hatred for Swedish furniture was rooted in his deep-seated commitment issues. It didn't matter much why he hated it, he just left most of the choices up to Cas. there was then the issue of appliances and such you couldn't find in a furniture store. That was left up to him. Cas sent him out to Walmart to get things for the kitchen. That was something he could do. He picked out a mixer, some silverware, and a pioneer woman kitchenware set. It came with pots and pans, mixing bowls, and a few normal sized plates. That was enough for him to consider it an absolute steal. He brought his finds home to the bunker, setting them on the table designated for things that were to go in the new house. Jack was sitting on Cas’s lap, pointing at things on the computer.

“What’re you guys finding?” Dean asked, hovering behind Cas’s shoulder.

“Djungelskog!” Jack exclaimed, showing Dean a photo of a large stuffed brown bear.

“I thought you were looking for furniture?” Dean directed the question more at Cas, but he was still looking at Jack.

“We are. Jack just got us a bit sidetracked. We found the majority of what we need. Among other things not of as grave importance.”

Dean looked over the shopping cart and then gave the go ahead. Not before adding the stuffed bear to the cart, though.

The next day Claire arrived. Everyone was thrilled to see her. Jack ran up and threw himself around one of her legs and Cas gave her an awkward dad side hug. Dean wondered when he would tell her what the hunt would actually consist of, but he didn't want to interrupt the moment.

A few hours later, Dean fixed everyone a real dinner and had them sit down at the kitchen table. The realization dawned on him that this was going to be his last sit down meal officially living in the bunker. Everyone sort of just sat in silence for a beat. Perhaps reflecting on their own lasts of officially living there. “Claire, I sorta forgot to add this when I called you, but the case is a lot of undercover work. Also its in a suburban area.”

“And why didn't you tell me this sooner?”

“Well to speak freely, I wanted you on this case and I was worried it would make you not want to come.”

“It almost does, but i'm already here now, and i wouldn't want to waste a days driving on something i'm not actually going to do.” She guessed this would probably take longer than a week. “And i'm guessing this isn't just something you decided to do out of the goodness of your hearts?”

“We bought a house in the area, and we just wanted to make sure it was safe,” Cas explained.

“Hang on, you bought a house for real and you didnt even think to tell me? You didn't think that that was valuable information?”

“It didn't come up in our phone call,” Dean said.

“And? That’s no excuse to leave your daughter out of major life events!” The ‘daughter’ part just sort of came out without her noticing, but seconds after she said it she regretted it. God, how embarrassing.

“You’re right. We should’ve told you sooner. It was kind of a recent decision, though, so you haven’t been out of the loop for too long,” Cas said.

The next day was moving day. Dean loaded the appliances into the back of Claire’s car, since the back of the Impala was already full. Claire took her own car, while Dean, Cas, and Jack rode in Baby. Their real furniture was being delivered as they spoke. Cas offered to ride with Claire, but she assured him she’d be fine by herself. The drive wasn’t even that long, especially compared to the distance she drove yesterday.

Dean was silently nervous. He wouldn’t admit it out loud but it was written all over his face. His first real stable house, with the man he loved, and his two kids, he could only hope that he didn’t mess it up. Cas put a hand on his shoulder showing he saw how Dean was feeling.

They turned onto Chapel Street and pulled up into the driveway of the house. It somehow looked bigger and more daunting than it had during the walkthrough. Claire arrived almost ten minutes later. Everyone just sort of paused in front of the house for a minute, reveling in the stability most of them had never had.

#pspspsps you want to reblog my hard work sooo bad #supernatural #spn #castiel #dean winchester #supernatural fic #samael speaks #sammy sires

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idjitlili · 4 years

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Okay hear me out

Fili x modern!reader

Summary: imagine convincing fili to let you do his hair.

word count:3894 longest fic so far

a/n its my birthday tomorrow aka the 14th of july

You had been somehow transported into Tolkien's universe, at the time of hobbit, landing infront of Gandalf. The fall hurt your bottom, you had groaned and looked up to see Gandalf looking at you in shock. However he had decided you would accompany him to Bilbos house. You didn't have a choice you didn't know where you bloody were! Gandalf has seen pretty nice, he said he would help you, but didn't understand how on middle earth you had ended up in a different world.

At this point Gandalf had already been at bilbos house and left a mark on the door, so it was quite dark when you both arrived. When you had reached your destination , dwarves , lots had stood infront of the door pushing against eachother to get inside. You stood staring at the dwarves as the door was pulled open harshly ;by an annoyed hobbit.

stumbing down on each other with grunts and groans of frustrations ,plus pain. They evently all got up slowly ,your patience was low not as low as the hobbit who muttered 'Gandalf' ,before rushing further into the hole. Bilbo had realised that Gandalf was up to something sighing in defeat as Bombur scoffed down his expensive cheese.You felt bad for the dude these dudes were trashing his den and eating his food, you didnt really like sharing your food ,so you could imagine the pain Bilbo felt. Bilbo didnt even glance at you next to Gandalf he was too busy preventing his hole collasping inwards.

You and Gandalf had walked into the hobbit hole ,swiftly once the dwarves had. The warm air hitting your chilly cheeks,the warm light making your eyes blur for a spilt second ,the burst of loud laughter, clanking of plates and such filled your ear drums. You were going to have a huge headache by the end of the night.

You had hid behind Gandalf ,like a child would behind their mothers when talking to strangers ,as he led you to the dinning room. You were nervous there was no doubt about that ,you didnt want to be refused by this horin you had heard about,but Gandalf told you not worry. Apparently Thorin wasnt even here yet,a muscular dwarf told Gandalf ,he had glanced at you suspiciously before going back to getting ale.

Gandalf had asked a brunette dwarf to find you a seat and some food ,pulling you out from behind him. The dwarf had sent you a wide smile, lifting your hand pressing a kiss to you knuckles,doing a bow sorta thing. "Kili,at your service." his gesture had made you blush,no one had ever done something like that before.

"uh, y/n at yours." you had spoke quietly to dwarf,who smiled again still gasping your hand tugging you to a seat next to a blond dwarf. After he let go of your hand, you had sat ,while the brunette dwarf sat down beside you, there wasnt a lot of room so you were shoulder to both dwarves. The blond one had turnt to you eyeing you,which kili had shoved some bread and ale infront of you. You were starving so you didnt waste anytime eating it ,Kili had smirked looking towards his brother.

"y/n this my brother Fili,Fili this is y/n" you had looked up at Fili with a mouthful of bread,gulping it down quickly,sending him a smile. He was indeed very handsome like his brothr,he had smiled at you. "Nice to meet you" you had spoke quietly yet again. "you too." he had replied unsure of his words,he had taken in your clothing it was very strange to anything he had ever seen a human dress.

"so y/n, will you be accompanying us on our journey?" Kili had questioned you,making you break you gaze from Fili. "i-i dont know,Gandalf says i am ,but this Thorin dude sounds scary." even his name sent chills down your spin ,making you shake slightly,the brothers had broken out into loud laughter. You had looked towards them in confusion. "you are not worry ,uncle cannot refuse a wizard." Fili had spoke to you smiling.

"Yeah,plus we will protect you from him,wont we Fili?" Kili had thrown his arm around your shoulder,making you blush a little again. "Yeah,plus uncle will be too distracted with us causing trouble" You had smiled up at fili,chugging down the ale down that you were given. Soon enough Thorin had arrived ,and Gandalf had explained your situation,arguing with Thorin that you were brought here for a reason,eventually Thorin gave in.

You signed a contract, while Kili questioned about your world on and on,he even asked you if you had a boyfriend which you hadnt even had one real relationship. The Durin brothers were pleased with you answer, Thorin didnt hate you,but wasnt keen on a young women joining this quest incase you got hurt. Plus he didnt want to have to worry for you , like he had already did for his nephews,at least you werent an elf...

By the morning you were on a pony,sharing with Fili becayse no one had planned on a 15th member until you fell infront of Gandalf. You hadnt rode a pony for many years only a couple of times as a child,even though you werent going fast your arms were still wrapped around Fili waist/chest. Kili had smirked at his brother,raising his eyebrows,Fili rolled his eyes mouthing 'jealous' and that was that,of course you didnt know about the interaction.

"If I poppedmy cherry,while riding this pony ,i swear." you had spoken quietly,the phrase confused the other dwarves and Bilbo.

"uh, miss y/n what does that mean?" Bilbo had asked ,he was generally curious,you had smiled at the hobbit.

"it means to break my hymen while riding on a pony ,so basically lose my virginity." Bilbo's mouth gap open slightly in shock,but he slowly nods. Bofur,Fili,kili,and some other dwarves had laughed at your worry.

"you'll be fine as long as you dont ride him to hard" Kili had smirked at you sending you a wink,you had scoffed. Fili had smirked at you rjecteing his brother,it gave him some hope that you would eventually like him, he was developing a small crush on you. You had sent a blush to hus face when you had choosen to ride with him.

Obliviously you hadnt packet for this trip, you were lucky enough to fall into this world ,when you had your toothbrush and toothpaste in hand when you slipped and fell into a portal thang. You were lucky enough for the dwarves to give you any unneeded blankets,so you didnt freeze at night,and fili and kili shared their water pouches with you. When it came to night the brothers would set up their bedrolls either side of you ,and if Fili saw you were cold in the night he would pass his furs over you.

But that was months ago,the war was over ,erebor was reclaimed,apparently the reason you were sent here was to save the Durins line which you did. Thorin liked you much more now ,he had now given you a room ,near his and his nephews chambers. You felt lonely,useless even now ,your task was done you had nothing left to achieve in this world. However Thorin coranation ball was soon,he had already sent you dress makers to make you a dress,as gift for you. He wouldnt let it down that you saved his family ,basically he is your bank,he buy you anything you want,not that you wanted to take any of his money.

You had a dark green dress made ,apparently the tailors said it was best suited for you, it was simple ,busted your boobs a bit,and was to the floor,simple as that. avelvet material,shoulders showing with arms,you didnt want to be cold to be honest. You laid on you bed above the covers ,with a towel wrapped around your torso and upper thighs,covering your parts. Head on your pillow,wet hair spread upon it too,staring the celling.

That was until three brief knocks hit your pine door,knock,knock,knock. You didnt know who to expect probably Bilbo. "come in" you replied with a monotone voice. The door creeked open,closing shortly after as footsteps could be heard approaching you. You turnt your head to see Fili, with a blush upon his face ,seeing you in just a towel, you smiled at him ,before turning you head back to the celling.

"im sorry,y/n , I'll come back later"he spoke quickly,looking at you waiting for a response.

"no,no ,no, stay," you replied hurredly ,getting up from your bed quickly trying not flash the prince, grabbing your tshirt throwing it over your head ,so it covered your. You trousers the same just going under the towel, then removing the towel,you didnt know if fili had watched you but he wouldnt have seen anything anyways.

"uh..so why did you come here?" you had questioned the prince ,turning to facing him, he had his back to the door,from giving you privacy getting dressed. "you can face me now fili im not naked." he chuckled nervously ,before turning swiftly around to you. "I just came to see how you were, I havent seen you for days." he sent you a gently smile,walking closer to you ,inspecting you,for signs of distress.

"Im totally cool,don't worry about me." you didnt want to upset Fili by telling him the truth,but you knew he knew you werent ,you had been in your room for three days straight. He had risen an eyebrow at you. "i just don't know why im still here ,I saved your family,now I feel like im useless to be here anymore." you had spoken quietly , eyes looking at the floor which your bare feet stood. You sit at the edge of your bed ,shoulders lower as the bed dips next to you Fili pulls you into a bear hug his strong arms around your shoulders pulling you into him.

"You are NOT useless ,in the passed few days ,do you know how much I missed you,kili has been driving me nuts. I needed you there so i could punch him and you to say it never happened." you laugh quietly into Filis chest ,as your arms are wrapped around his waist tightly. "ill do it if you let me do one thing,please." you looked you from Fili's chest into his blue eyes. "depends what you wanna do?" he smirked at you,still holding you tightly. "Let me do your hair , like evan almighty." you smiled hopefully at the dwarf ,ignoring his joke,his eyes became wide ,he didnt think you knew about courting rituals.

"Y-you want to do my hair?" he was a little taken back ,you just nodded excitedly at the blond prince."okay,go ahead." he didnt want to call you out on it just incase you didnt know,plus he didnt want to face rejection. You jumped up out of his arms to run and grab a brush ,running back launching yourself on the bed ,making fili laugh at your excitement. You kneel behind the prince ,gently taking out his brides,you kept asking if you were allowed to do this he assured you that you could. After you had done that,you brushed out his blond locks ,before pulling it back into a low ponytail. You wish you could do that pony braid on his beard like in the movie but this will have to do. "hehe ,its done." Fili got up and went to the mirror on your dresser,smiling at you in the mirror as you watched. "i love it,thank you,but now its your turn."

Before you knew it he had picked you bridal style with ease ,placing you on a chair,grabbing a brush standing behind you. Bro it happened in 0.3 seconds ,before he started brushing through your h/c hair. Soon his thick dwarven fingers were lacing through your hair ,it was indeed soothing,ever now and then he would place in his beads at the ends of your hair. Once he had finished he had brought you to the same mirror,once you had looked,you realised he braided your hair exactly like he would.You had turnt around quickly,grabbing hisupper arms tightly,thanking him. "Oh my god fili,lets pranked kili!" he had smirked at you."how?"he was always up for playing tricks on his brother.

"Ill pretend to be you,i already got the hair even though its not exactly the same,i just need to borrow some clothes. And if he asks where you are ,ill be like im right here brother," fili had laughed at your plan argeeing to it.Thorin had gift you with many clothes and even makeup which is what you needed right now. You had drawn on a moustache,that fili had before he had led you to his room fetching you some clothes. Luckily kili nor anyone else had spotted you. You had taught how to do an a dance from evan almighty if he was to be caught. You had changed quickly ,keeping your own trousers just changed your shirt while fili faced away. He had given you one of his tunics and his coat while he just wore a tunic,you left yuor clothes on his bed before the both of you fled out the room, you rushed a head while he sneaked behind.

Soon enough you had ran into kili,who eyed your attire confused,at first he thought you had slept with his brother. "Y/n w-what are you doing?" he questioned you,you smirked at him. "Brother what are talking about? y/n is eating potatoes in bed>" you gripped kilis shoulders ,in a botherly manner eyeing him. He had reached up your braids ,touching the beads. "why are you wearing fili's beads? are yo-" "YOUR IT!" you tapped his shoulder ,running away from him,he didnt question you further ,but chased after you ,but you were simply to fast with your long human legs. You had made it to Thorins throne ,which he sat you jumped into his lap roughly,wrapping an arm around his neck

Before he spoke you had breathlessly taken that chance, "Uncle ,kili stole my last piece of bacon." he had chuckled at you, "now my sisters son ,you may have his dessert tonight." you had cheered,as you did Fili had ran into the room,Kili soon after slow coach.

"Fi;i what are you doing?!" kili shouted ,you smirked "no what areee ya doin'?" fili grinned as kili glared at you turning to his actual brother. Fili started doing the dance from evan almighty "uh,uh,uh" mving his hips with his arms in sync motion. You had jumped out of Thorins lap,to join Fili dancing. Before grabbing his hand ,running off into the gardens as it poured down with rain. The rain streamed down your face ,making the makeup do the same,okay so it wasnt really a prank it was just a little fun.

"Oh mister almighty,you do look very handsome."you spoke smirking at fili as the rain soaked you both.

"As do you ,but I think miss y/n is much more beautiful." he spoke to you making a blush rise on your face,you pressed a kiss upon his cheek. "oh my i just kissed myself." fili chuckled lightly ,you forced fili to give you a piggy back ride to his room,so you could both change and to wash your face , Leaving your clothes to dry however you both left you hair,making your way to dinner in which all the company were attending to you. As you walk in all eyes are on the pair of you,kili gestures for the two of you to sit next him ,exactly like when you both met,kili to your left fili to the right. The company kept galancing at you ,as you began to eat your potatoes and pork.

"y/n?" you had glanced up to see Bofur addressing you ,you nod at the hatted dwarf "did fili do that to you hair ,and you do that to his?" he questioned carefully as fili glared at him. "well.. yeah, i wanted to his hair as something different, but i couldnt because his beard wasnt long enough and yeah" you werent even sure what you were saying,because you knew they wouldnt understand if you said steve as even almight/noah.you shove a mouthful of mash into your mouth,you were hungry,your hair was still soaked.

"you are aware that touching a dwarves hair,is a a courting ritual,lassy?" Balin had questioned you making your face go red,choking on your mash,kili patted you back."shes even wearing his beads!" dori had interjected "and lass wearing dwarves clothes suggests that you get it on-" Dwalin began only to be cut off by Thorin "thats enough! shes human ,and from another world how on bloody earth would she know any of our courting customs? shes wouldnt now leave it NOw." Thorin had defending you sensing you were embarrassed,sending you a smile, which you return lightly."Thorin,may i go finish my food alone,in my room?please." It wasnt that you didnt like fili your crush grew huge over the months , its just you had felt like he had set you up for embarrassment by not telling you. Thorin had smiled at you nodding ,thats all it took for you to grab your plate and drink before rushing up to your room.

You couldnt eat your food now,you had shoved it a side before laying down like earlier ,staring intensely at the cream celling,it felt like it only minutes you had been laying there,but the sky was dark ,the month light shinning in through you window. However you didnt know right now kili was coaching fili how to express his feelings for you,to court you. Eventually they had came up with the idea for fili to ask you to walk with him in the gardens, but first he would have to apologise. Fili had basically became sonic sprinting to your room ,kili was currently hiding in a bush in the gardens. Fili he knocked hurriedly on your door, you had ignored his calls ,he had spoke "I'm coming in y/n." he had opened your door rushing to you,you had ignored him again ,pretty childish you know. "Im sorry ,y/n. I didn't mean to embarrass you,please let me explain." he had spoken sincerely,gripping your left hand. "go a head then." you replied still looking at the celling.

"walk with me." you had groaned,you werent mad with fili,you were just embarrassed about the confrontations,you had slipped your shoes back on ,fili held your hand walking you to the gardens in silence.

Bilbo had walked by kili,only to be pulled in the bush ,telling him to shut up ,and watch. There was a pond with breaks around it,fili had led you to sit on there with him,his rough thumb circled your palm whilst holding it gently. You looked into his ocean eyes whilst he stared back in your e/c ones. "y/n l/n I did not intend to embarrass you only to portray my feelings for you,because I am too much of a wimp to face heartbreak if your feelings werent returned.Also didnt mean for the others to think we slept together ,I saw the joy in your eyes when you wanted to annoy kili ,with me.I didnt want to deny that,okay pretty bad excuses I know but what I am trying to say is I love you." he poured out ,turning away from you red faced ,eyes watering slightly,you had pulled his face to you. "i love you too, seth rogen." you had blushed pressing your lips onto his before pulling away,before pushing him into the pond. You had moved out the way so he couldnt grab you had pull you in. He had went under before resurfacing, "hey when you fell in did you flounder?" you had smirked at your pun,it had matched the situation ,as hours ago you had forced him to impersonate steve carell,kili and bilbo were trying not to giggle. "what was that for?" he had gasped ,climbing out of the pond. "oi,dont be so koi ,you had that coming ,for not sticking up for me at dinner." you had pointed at him,still punning before he walked slowly towards you. "you are right maybe i should present my affection to you to make up for it." he held out his arms ,smirking you had widened your eyes muttering "no,no,no" about to run for it but you were too late,he had grabbed you,lifting you onto his shoulders before jumping back into the pond.

You had only been in the water a few seconds before fili had gotten out,lifting you out after,carrying you bridal style,you smiled up at him soaking wet, before walking towards the building. "lets go get dry then you can braid my hair ,hm?" he had finally gotten his love ,and there was nothing better, maybe a child but not right now,you finally felt you had a meaning to be in middle earth. There was a reason you were sent here to say fili,because you were meant to spend your life with him. "okay mister seth rogen?" he had looked down at you confused,as bilbo and kili stared in awe before sneaking off to tell thorin and the others. "who is seth rogen?" you had laughed "you are the seth rogen to my james franco," he didnt know what the hell you were talking about ,yet he smiled,he really was your seth rogen.

#the hobbit imagine #the hobbit x reader #the hobbit x you #the hobbit fili #fili x you #fili imagine #fili x reader #the hobbit imagines

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suumekoi · 4 years

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By @mang0tree BECAUSE I FORGOT TO PUT YOUR USERNAME IN THE LAST ONE

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hdsfjdsf helo i am Back 2 ramble abt my ideas :] uhh this might b a bit more scattered then last time bc i dont have as solid of an idea for the rest of the story so this might b more just talking abt concepts more then anything else sweats (i have ideas involving gameplay and all here too so i might fit that in somewhere)

SO we left off w/ divinus telling yuelia and the protag that he figured out lava lamp dragon (hdxkgfdg thats its name now i have decided everyone settled on calling it lava lamp dragon) can go poof between dimensions w/e it wants and theyre all just there like "well fuck this aint good" bc this means the drago can now go w/e it wants basically to get itself more energy, and the protag is just like "ok well i can go chase after i-" but then divinus shuts the protag down saying that they still dont know what this drago is abt or where it came from or even what it wants to Do exactly and that its too dangerous for a human like them 2 go after

after that the protag is walking back 2 castele with their arms crossed all >:[ bc Divinus Wont Let Them Chase After Lava Lamp Dragon, and yuelia notices and says "hey, it's nothing personal [player]... not even me and lili could stand up to that thing. i think he's just trying to look out for you." and thats not. Extremely relevant or anything i just had the idea for that dialogue in my head

yuelia splits up w/ the protag once they get back 2 town 2 go uh. Do Stuff and the protag just stands there for like 2 seconds before thinking 'ok im gonna find a way to travel 2 a different dimension Myself if nobody else is gonna help' so uhhh Commence Research Montague (i dont actually know how they figure out this thing yet ok just pretend they found an old book on it or somethin) and after looking around they find a source talking abt some sealed up treasure that probably has the kind of thing theyre lookin for oh boy!!!! but they dont recognize the location, and so they ask around 2 a few other ppl who end up suggesting they ask lili since she travels around a lot and might recognize it

and lili's doin mostly ok by this point, shes awake and can move around fine and all but ppl still want her 2 rest 2 regain Al her strength before goin out adventuring again or anythin (despite her protests otherwise jfgkdfg) so the protag goes up and asks lili if she knows abt the location they found, and lili thinks for a moment before responding that she recognized the description where what theyre lookin for might be and has a vague idea where she might b able 2 find it, and then looks at the protag all like "why are you so curious about this place?" so the protag ends up explaining what happened with divinus and how they think if they find the Thing in this Place that itll make them able 2 help stop lava lamp dragon, and lili goes like 'hm' and sits there for a minute before going "you know im going to come with you, right?"

dsjsdkf and even if the protag tries 2 argue w/ lili shes like Set on coming bc she wants to see what the fuck this thing is too, so lili gathers her gear and her and the protag sneak out of town 2 go explore spooky place ooo!!!!! so after making it thru the Place (i um. havent decided what it is yet maybe a sort of ruins or cave) at the end u notice that there Is somethin at the end there, so u go up and investigate and it turns out its some kind of funky lookin gauntlet and the protag just goes 'oh cool!' and puts it on immediately and um side note this gauntlet May be slightly cursed and you May not be able to take it off once u put it on but ykno still thinkin on that part

so ANYWAYS the protag puts on the gauntlet and lili goes "oh wow we actually Found something here! we just, uh.... need to find out what it does now, i guess." so the protag thinks for a moment, before deciding to see what happens if they hit something w/ the gauntlet, so they smack the wall w/ their hand and BOOM the wall cracks open 2 make way 2 a portal 2 an unknown world that the protag and lili end up getting pulled into

and um. this is the part where most of my concrete ideas for Story kinda end but my idea for this world was sorta like what reveria would look like if celestia hadnt come in 2 help everyone by creating lives so like. mostly nature and not much of civilization to see except for the occasional ragtag group of survivors but also ofc not just reveria itll also b its own world w/ its own unique stuff 2 it and all, i just thought itd b interesting 2 explore what would have happened if celestia never came 2 help reveria in the first place

so basically then its just lili and the protag exploring this new world, meeting a group of survivors that explain everything that happened in this world and all and u try 2 help them out before u head back (considering having something of a Lava Lamp Dragon Encounter here, not rlly a fight persay but you might spot it from afar and try 2 chase before it escapes)

after u make it back 2 castele Not Dead lili mentions to the protag she wants to look into that gauntlet they found more mostly bc shes never seen or heard of it before (and shes been a lot of places) and wants to be sure it doesnt have like Sinister Origins or anything

and basically after u unlock another world thru Story Progression ur essentially free 2 stop at any time and go back 2 explore that place, u can like go there 2 complete quests and theres also somewhat of a Side Story in each world where u can learn more abt the world and also help the ppl solve some other issue they got going on in their world Aside from the lava lamp dragon that might b planning on destroying everything (so for example in the first world their issue would be that uh. theres a lot of monsters everywhere)

the second world ive been thinkin could b somethin of a steampunk world with legally required scrappy mechanic and a tiny robot friend named beep bop bip (bip for short) and uh. the third world is the one ive thought out the least but i wanna go for some kind of Mythical foresty place, maybe with non human inhabitants like bird ppl or somethin

and then the 4th world (the final one u unlock) i want 2 b all spooky and ominous, bc thats the world that the final boss is going to happen in where u fight Lava Lamp Dragon for the last time

so that sorta. all i have in terms of ideas for now i think?? unless im forgetting something jdfgkdg but i definitely think i wanna go w/ the whole celestias sister being behind this thing bc that would be a very interesting thing 2 explore........ at the end i feel like celestias sister would b like trying 2 command lava lamp dragon but it has gone cazy w/ power and ends up not listening 2 celestias sister so the protag is just (pulls out sword) "guess im gonna have to save you from your own hubris" and UM another side note but i also do wanna include the guys from the first fl game too jdfgkd there is just a Lot and it is kinda complicated 2 try and fit everyone in when the story is sorta still a wip so they are There. Somehow

im thinkin abt that cursed gauntlet idea atm and idk if thats like. Generic or not but i feel like it would be interesting if the protag somehow just forcibly got themselves involved in this whole thing w/ celestias sister and Lava Lamp Dragon just by getting this gauntlet stuck on them jdfgdlgk but yea either way im donw now woo!! no more ramble

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The protagonist sounds quite lively in your story xD putting on the gauntlet just because it looks cool. I think the gauntlet should jump at the protag instead, or maybe it could be alive, like it came from the other dimension to search for a hero/chosen one and our protag happens to be there. It would be like yuelia/flutter and dogu.... But a gauntlet I guess xD

(Also it would cool if the gauntlet can control the protag too, like once you reach the final boss battle, the protag lost control and we have to play as our old protagonist, lili in this case. Or the other way round. I just love it when games makes us battle our previous protag. ❤️❤️)

But a dimension where celestia didn't come to reveria sounds interesting! ... there's so much you can make of it! The current characters in reveria would still exist in the other dimension but living their life differently!

#fantasy life #submission

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dateamonster · 4 years

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by the way had a rly disturbing dream last night so if ur like me and like hearing about peoples nightmare demons stay tuned

i dreamed i was a teenager in i think some kinda group home situation? i liked to hang around with the younger kids even though some of them were kinda rowdy because i liked feeling looked up to and because i found a lot of the adults and other teens in the place boring and condescending. i was hanging out with one of the kids one night and he was telling me about some spooky thing he saw but i was largely just nodding along without really listening. then there was a tapping on a nearby window and he just sat bolt upright and said “its her again”

i go over to the window and roll up the blinds just a little. theres definitely someone standing there on the other side in the dark. she kneels down so her face is visible below the blinds. she’s smiling. in retrospect she reminded me of the ghost lady from cry of mann/call of warr except she was wearing blue and gray (either that or it was just an effect of it being so dark), sort of semi-formal office-like clothes, and a little beret looking hat. not particularly scary but definitely kind of creepy to just see standing there peeking in our window.

she kept her face there, looking in and smiling, and then she started tapping her finger on the glass. not a particular rhythm or anything just like in the way of someone trying to get your attention. i stepped back from the window and the boy i was with came forward. he knelt on the bench next to the window and rested his face against the glass where she was tapping, completely serene. she kept tapping, looking at him closely now. after a moment i was getting really freaked out so i tried to pull him away from the window and when i did he fell over and his face had been sort of... hollowed out? it looked almost like a deflated basketball but the concave where his face had i guess caved in appeared so dark i couldnt see anything inside it.

i guess i blacked out after that and when i came to i was alone in the room. it was day, sunrise it looked like, and the window was empty. a woman was calling me from out the door so i got up and followed her voice. even in the dream i felt groggy and disoriented.

the woman who’d called me reminded me of my mom but when i tried to think of her in the dream i couldnt picture her face. she looked at me strangely when she saw me and told me i looked rough, asked when i’d woken up. i told her just now and her frown deepened. turns out it was around 7pm and time for dinner. she had been looking for me because i hadnt eaten all day and she was worried about me.

at dinner i tried to ask people what happened to the boy but no one seemed to know what i was talking about. not like the kid didnt exist but like they treated his absence as something.. i guess unfortunate but expected. no one talked about what happened and i got the feeling i wasnt supposed to either, or like if i tried to say what i saw they wouldnt believe me.

that night i was too scared to be alone so i snuck into the room of another one of the kids i was friends with. we shared a bed, sleeping head to foot with each other. his bed was next to a window but it was the second story so i wasnt as worried. i tried to stay awake, keeping my eyes on the blinds just to reassure myself they were closed, but eventually i felt myself start to drift. as soon as my eyes finally fell closed, i heard a tapping on the window.

i tried to yell or run or something but i coudnt even open my eyes. i felt paralyzed but at the same time it seemed like the tapping was coming closer, and all i could think of was that deep darkness of my friends face sunken into itself. the more i pictured it the more i seemed able to move, but my limbs still felt so stiff and heavy. i kept thinking if i could just kick my friend awake then he could get help. my heart was pounding.

then i kicked so hard i woke myself up in real life. it took me a minute to sorta reorient myself especially because i dont normally get nightmares. i lay awake for a while, looking at the window near my bed, just because i felt certain if i closed my eyes again she would come back.

#dreams #nightmares #ungodly screeching #long post

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bard-dadsquared · 5 years

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In other news, I do need validation. Long angry rant is about to happen.

The other day I called my Ex on fb so he could talk to our son. I made a comment later that day how he looked like he hadnt been sleeping and how he seemed like he may be depressed, and the person i was talking to was just like

"Poor guy :(("

To which I just shrugged and told them that I didnt feel bad for him, everything he's feeling, he brought on himself.

They said "I feel kinds bad for him because I know he loves you!"

And I'm just???

Maybe he did?? Maybe he does?? But that doesn't negate all the shit he did to drive me the fuck away. I loved him too once. But then everything I said, everything I felt, everything I tried to ask for fell on deaf ears.

I don't feel bad for him because when we moved to the duplex in Texas, he left all the loading and packing to me. It was up to me to find people to help me move stuff to the new place and make sure everything was packed and ready to go. All he worried about was his PC and his desk. Hell even my brother and I had to put my bed frame together because he hadn't done it.

He was an asshole everytime we had to go back to the other house to help clean up too and got mad once because my mom asked us to bring something and he didnt bring it.

But things settled down mostly. I hated how i was expected to do almost everything but it was manageable.

Then he wanted to move and find a new job, which was fine, he sorta?? Let me know what kind of jobs he was applying for and where. But when he got an offer, he accepted it without even talking to me about it. The job he took he was going to start in two months and I had less than a months notice to pack all of our shit and leave not only that but they didn't offer relocation and he was going to be getting a little less in pay. We had less than a month to move Which again- he barely helped with. All the sorting through shit and packing was left up to me once again. I ended up leaving almost all of our stuff behind because I couldnt fucking take it with me to my moms.

I gave Virginia a shot and i was more miserable than I've been ever. I was expected to do everything. EVERYTHING. I decided to go to California. I had originally hoped that in doing so we could save some money and he could use the money we saved to get stuff for the apartment to make it more comfortable.

Which didnt really happen until April. After being with Family in Cali for a while, seeing how well lucian was doing and stuff, I honestly didn't wanna go back. I went back to sign the lease and then again a couple months after my aunt died because of how tense things were at the house, i figured it'd be a last ditch effort to save things.

But no. I tried to tell him how I felt. I tried to tell him what bothered me, why i was so depressed. I told him I felt lonely, I told him I felt like i was expected to do everything. And it always. always felt like I was talking to a wall

I told him I wished wed go out and do things more, that itd be nice and I might meet people. He wanted me to meet people online first and then meet them in person. Which totally defeated the purpose of getting me out of the. House to socialize, and even if indidnt make any friends then at least I got out and was productive. But he doesnt like leaving the house.

I told him countless times that I felt like it was unfair that he expected me to do so much work around then house with minimal help, but nothing changed. He thought helping more meant cleaning the kitchen and making easy dinners.

And while I appreciated it in wished hed help more with the living room too, or the laundry, or anything else literally. The most recent time I brought it up he managed to turn it around to finances and told me that he doesnt spend money on himself because he spends it all on me and Lucian. He told me that if i didnt get what I wanted I essentially acted like it was the end of the world.

Granted yes, I'd get disappointed and my displays depending on my mood or whether or not the item was seasonal or limited edition varried from minor to being a little mopey (i really tried not to be, most of the time i was usually more upset about the ungodly cost than anything.)

Then he invades my privacy, not once but twice I found out. This son of a bitch logged on to my discord, TWICE.

The first time he did it was a day I cleaned the whole apartment. Like I vacuumed, shampooed, cleaned the kitchen counters the best in could, did the dishes, took out the trash, wiped counters and the stove, did several loads of laundry, picked up in the bedroom.

As soon as he got home i went to my room and I guess thats when he did it. He logged onto my account on the computer and opened discord, and went through my messages.

That's literally the only reason he asked me for a divorce. Was because he had seen I've been thinking about it for a while.

And then for whatever reason he did it a second fucking time.

The irony? The first time he did it?? If hed just fucking come to me, I was gonna ask him for a divorce myself. But then he did it, and while it was a huge relief at the time, it would have taken every ounce of willpower not to slap him if I had known then that he was only asking because he went through my messages.

We managed to work things out to maintain some civility for Lucian's sake, and i was okay with that! I was glad we seemed to have cleared the air a little bit.

But then I thought about it more, he never actually apologized to me for anything. He never actually apologized for the messed up stuff he did or said, and he doesnt think he did anything wrong by going through my messages. In fact he thinks he was justified because "I needed to know how they really felt."

And then when I admitted some things I did or said was messed up, he didnt even actually own up to his bullshit. He had to lump me in with him

"Cant we bith admit that we both did and said fucked up shit?"

Like?? That's whaT I WAS JUST DOING. WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING THIS WHOLE TIME???

Then on my way to CO I find out??? He tried to say he does everything himself??? Inwas looking into the requirements to fly with my cat and dog because originally i was going to fly to Colorado. I dont remember which airline I checked, but I checked the requirements for the airline he was gonna send me on, and then he tells my step dad hes tired of doing everything himself.

WHAT???

I looked it up!! I thought I was gonna fly with a certain airline so that's who I fucking looked it up for!!! And hes trying to say he did all the footwork HIMSELF?! If I'd known he was considering another airline I WOULD HAVE LOOKED THAT UP TOO, BUT I DIDNT. Then He has the audacity to say hes tired of being the only one doing all the work??

Are you fucking kidding me????

No, nuh uh. Fuck him. I dont think I hate him surprisingly but FUCK IM LIVID.

I should by all rights hate his fucking guts, but dont, if I did the sight of him would send me into fits of rage as would the mention of his name.

But God damn I am PISSED OFF at him. So fucking pissed off. I mean for all I know hes hacked my account and is reading this right fucking now.

If you are Alex, FUCK YOU for everything you've put me through these last couple years.

fuck him. I don't feel bad for him in the least. I know I'm not fucking perfect, but I fucking tried. I gave him more chances than he fucking deserved. He held me to unfair standards, he expected me to clean house in 2 hours or less, expected me to cook every fucking night, constantly tried to tell me my mental health is harder for him than it is for me, tried to tell my family that he does all the fucking work (okay I cant make phone calls but I can do fucking research you fuck), made me out to be the bad guy constantly, doesn't own up to his bullshit, put me through all this and EXPECTED ME TO APOLOGIZE FOR GOING TO CALIFORNIA, went through my fucking discord, and countless other bullshit.

Yeah no I don't feel bad for him. Not at all, he had plenty of chances to work with me to avoid all this and he chose to ignore it. The only attempts seemed to be when I wasn't with him.

I have a lot of baggage and issues, but I fucking deserve better than that.

If hes in emotional turmoil because of what happened. He brought it on himself. I fuckin tried.

If me not feeling even a little sorry for him makes me a bad person

Then get me my fucking demon costume.

#blue.txt #long post #negative #ask to tag #I JUST REALLY NEEDED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST

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