#i hate memories

[laiosbian]

I can’t keep doing this shit anymore

[watchingwisteria]

listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded mfer happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.

[ba1laur]

2023 darkstalker floating in space doing nothing grinning evily and scary. png 1 and 2

[aluvnotetoyou]

lately. lately i've been learning to bite my tongue like my foremothers. finding the will to make love to the silence despite the temptress that whispers to my heart.

i let the pain collect in my chest until it feels like i'm going to begin leaking black plague. sometimes i swear it feels better this way. pretending that i don't hurt.

my pain gets in the way of most things i want to see. it clings heavily to my heart, my lungs, every part of the cavity that fills my chest. dare i claim it has begun to take root?

i used to detest this idea of silence, every offense against me must be judged. but i've grown older & smaller & meeker, i fear. what is the point of opening my wound to you when it feels like tearing open another gash elsewhere?

i stand in confidence, no one knows my secret. i hold it like my own. i guard it like a mother.

maybe one day, the numbness will no longer stalk you & maybe we can stitch me up together. but i've been hoping for a while & that hope has turned rotten many times.

festering. festering like the wound that i have grown protective of.

[laurrelise]

okay i gotta be so honest one of the ONLY good parts about season 4 is when five is sketching in his little book and lila goes “dear diary, why do i always wear suits?”

that was fucking hilarious i will die on this hill

[smollkittykat]

I kind of don't like how a lot of people forget that despite all the angst and the drama around Dean and Cas they are fundamentaly best friends.

How many times did Dean say it throught the entire show? Bobby in season 6 saying "Well, you just lost the best friend you ever had."

For Bobby to say that, knowing Dean better than even Sam in some regards, how many times had Dean been sitting with Castiel on the couch in his living room?

Cas doesn't sleep, and rarely does Dean, with the Apocalypse looming right behind him.

So all they had left, in those quiet nights were each other. And they were okay with it, because they liked each other's company.

[puppyeared]

these two are so interesting to me

characters belong to @canisalbus

[mildarka]

Felt like making a reverted AU

[jascurka]

babygirl........

[sunlit-mess]

[shrimpricebowl]

oh thank god

[morganbritton132]

Eddie, in the middle of a live-stream: Hey baby, guess what I just remembered?

Steve: What?

Eddie: Remember when you dad heard that you got married to a woman and was going to un-disown you?

Eddie: Then he saw Robin and clocked her immediately. He threw that hissy fit in the parking lot at the Hideout.

Eddie: Now that I think about it, he clocked me as queer immediately, too

Steve: Yeah, he was a pretty shitty dad, but he had excellent gaydar

Eddie: I don’t know about that. He didn’t know about you

Steve: Base on some of the things he called me growing up makes me think he had an inkling.

Eddie: …Well now this conversation isn’t fun anymore

Steve: Sorry.

[k1tty5]

pearlie based off a photo i saw on pinterest

the photo + version w/out the red moon. because. i can’t decide if it’s better with or without

[toptenthingsihateabouteverything]

memories

all i think about daily is memories. memories which captivate me, enrapt me in the feelings i felt in the moment, especially with you. one memory that i keep replaying in my head is the second time i went round your place. it was summer, you were home alone and i was coming back from tuition so naturally we made plans to go to your place. i remember being so excited the whole journey there, warm butterflies fluttering inside of me. it was raining that day, so i second i got out the bus i covered my hair and ran to your flat. flat 25, if i remember correctly. i knocked on the door, to see you open the door with a cheesy grin on your face. i felt truly complete, like as if all the problems that life threw at me simply disappeared. i welcomed my own smile on my face and joined you inside. after i took off my shoes, you lead me into your bedroom. you were always so modest about your place, i didnt ever really know why, yet i always thought it was one of the cutest spots ive ever seen. i sat down on your bed and just enjoyed the moment of me being there; you and me, alone. a sigh slipped from my lips. you spun round in your chair to look at me and to join me on the bed. you huddled closer to me and i leaned my head on your shoulder. to be completely honest, it wasnt the most comfortable position to be in for a longer period of time, the leaning down, yet i would sit there forever if it meant being with you. i’ve always remembered the little things you used to do, like whenever you had your head above mine, you would always kiss my forehead, just like you did then. and after the way you looked me in my eyes made me feel like i actually was someone, as if i were the only person to exist. no one had ever looked at me like that before, never. then you looked down at my lips and kissed them. that kiss was so magical, i still vividly remember it today. the sensation of your fingertips as they searched for the back of my neck for support, you began to kiss me harder. your eyes calmly closed as your lips started opening mine, intertwining your tongue with mine. we descended from sitting up to me lying down, you on top of me. you kept kissing me hard, your longing clearer and clearer with every kiss. no words needed to be said in that moment, because i knew exactly what you were thinking. it’s kinda like our minds began thinking at the same wavelength. most of these memories are in a certain foggy atmosphere, trapped behind the fortress my mind had created to enprison anything to do with you. yet the feelings never seemed to go away. i can tell you for sure that in some way i did love you, but not to the extent that you loved me. and one may say that there needs to be some kind of equilibrium, a balance, but i have yet to hear about a balance that is even with one side weighing more than the other. thats not the case with love. i did not truly love you, especially because of the way i treated you. that still haunts me to this day. its a never-ending nightmare, those texts. i can never undo my actions but only work on future ones. and thats what i hope to do with you. im actually ok with waiting for you, especially because i can see the light at the end of the tunnel that is us. it’s a feeling i can’t completely shake or comprehend, for i think i’m still trying to grow and mature into it. i can’t force anything, and i’m not planning to. for if you ever truly did love me like you did in my memories, then you will see one day what you feel and let yourself feel that again.

[slavhew]

i reread this scene and i could just. picture it. so vividly.

[fumifooms]

I don’t like minimizing the importance and gravity of Laios and Toshiro’s fight into just being a childish squabble, even if to a degree it is framed that way, because to both of them it has a lot of personal significance and emotional weight and runs very deep to their characters… The fight isn’t nothing it’s a LOT, they made up but it’s not something easy to express and to get over for either of them which makes it all the more meaningful! I’m on both sides but there very much are sides, there’s no "they’re both having a ball, Toshiro and Laios hand in hand yay" side to the fight, that comes after

The fight with Toshiro WAS very scary to Laios, almost existentially so, but it’s moreso the "I thought I’d made a friend!!" bit and my god. My god actually

Like it’s not "just" about oh his friend liking him less than he thought, THAT IS SO MUCH. It’s a bond he thought he had being a lie it’s all the time and moments spent together either being a lie from his perspective or marred now looking back. It’s not only being upset at Toshiro for lying but upset at himself that he’s so easy to fool, it’s being upset that there’s something so wrong with you that you can’t even tell if your "close buddy" even actually likes you or not, it’s like. Holding my head. He can’t trust his own vision of events that happened do you see. There’s always this film of distrust that it could be a lie that should be there when he interacts with people there’s always this sense of cloak and dagger to expect backstabs out of nowhere because you CAN’T see it coming you CAN’T you CAN’T there’s something about you which makes it impossible so you CAN’T-

He’s so scared of not being able to read people. He knows it’s a weak spot he has, he’s always known. All of these bits are centered around social expectations and betrayals, the assumption that he doesn’t belong either in society or with other humans.

And Laios’ level of awareness is actually sort of complex to analyze, but it’s there, there’s how out of him and Falin he was the one sensitive to the ~aura of hatred~ he felt from the townspeople, there’s of course his nightmares whispering to him about the mocking looks, and how yeah actually he realizes that his gold stripper coworker was taking advantage of him. There’s of course the Winged Lion speech about his trauma and how he fundamentally mistrusts/dislikes humans to some deep seated degree, this distrust that he still keeps under control always. There’s how pre-canon he often wanted to suggest eating monsters but never worked up the courage to bring it up with the others. There’s how he gets across as stoic when he isn’t being enthusiastic…… We don’t know how aware and wary he is exactly in the moment but we do know he has some anxiety around social stuff, and looking back he does notice and aughh augh, the sense you have to hide yourself to not get hurt and be on your guard and shit and.

When you don’t know what to look out for and when to look out for it, the general ‘common sense’ of not always trusting people or noticing when someone’s messing with you becomes hypervigilance in social settings

"Man they really know what you hate huh". Being socially unaware literally plagues him, he knows, he knows it so well.

It’s so quick that it’s almost hard to digest how literal and blatant Laios summoning his monster to crush all the people who’ve hurt him is. His literal go-to coping mechanism for comfort in his literal monster-induced emotionally intense nightmares, saving him by taking away the upsetting element (the humans)

"Monsters are his coping fantasy, where they can whisk him away from humanity, all the hurt it’s caused him and its arbitrary rules" with the subtlety of a brick. Monsters are his comfort safe zone "because they kill humans" yes but no it’s because he pits them as the guardians against humans who to him are in the role of the agressors. To him they represent freedom from the shackles of what it means to be part of humanity, a fundamentally social species