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sketching-shark · 4 years ago

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LMK fandom: Oh, what do we do about this guy who has nothing but hurt Xiaotian, tried to replace Sun Wukong and his crew, hurt Tripitaka and ordered servants to cannibalize a monkey? Oh I know! We’ll turn him into our little meow meow~ he’s so innocent and Sun Wukong is obviously the villain!

What doesn’t help is this idea is perpetuated by multiple fan fic writers and artists for some reason. Especially some aus they make that turn SWK into a bastard for the sake of the story rather than considering cultural context and thinking they should be respectful.

And almost everyone lets them get away with it just because the art or fanfic is good and they get so popular that no one can point what is actually wrong without feeling like they’re going to get attacked.

I'm starting to feel like my blog is the one anons go to specifically to vent their frustrations about the Six Eared Macaque in his lego monkey show form & the associated fandom lmao. But I guess this makes sense, as I’ve had fun quasi-dragging him before & will in fact use this anon submission as an opportunity to have my own, to put it academically, bitch fest about not just this fandom's favorite protagonist-traumatizing meow meow, but about the way villains are often treated in not just fanon, but increasingly in canon works as well. But same policy as with the last anon; I'll post my opinions below the cut, and as fandoms love to say, don’t like don't read if you don't want to see me dunking on the six eared simian & common fandom tendencies towards villains.

Oh man I would say where would you even begin with this but anon you’ve pretty much started yourself with my main gripe with a lot of ways that the Six-Eared Macaque is portrayed in fandom; there seems to be this unspoken agreement that his acts of violence towards Sun Wukong, Qi Xioatian, and Qi Xioatian’s loved ones are either to be framed as somewhat or totally justified, to be immediately forgiven/excused, or to simply & completely be ignored. Like friends maybe this is just me not seeing the proper posts but while the fandom is inundated with art and fanfics of Macaque as a generally decent individual & a true member of team good guy, I have yet to see one person address the fact that this monkey literally kidnapped & mind-controlled Xiaotian’s best friend and father figures & forced them to brutalize Xiaotian while ol’ Six Ear looked on and laughed (X_X). Like this kind of fandom villain treatment is definitely not something that’s solely at work for Monkie Kid, but it is kind of nutty how fandoms will swing between yelling that people should be allowed to like villains without even mild critique, and then will just flat-out not address the villainous behavior, and will even bend over backwards to frame even characters who committed genocide as just poor innocent widdle victims who need a hug. At its worst, I’ve even seen tons of people in a fandom get really angry at other people who don’t like a villain, and will even start accusing those people of hating real-life mentally disabled or abused individuals all because they don’t like the fandom’s favorite literal war criminal. The Monkie Kid fandom is FAR more chill & better than a lot of other fandoms I’ve come across in that regard, but that is an exceedingly low bar, & the tendency to woobify certain kinds of villains-- as with Macaque and the extreme emphasis on his bad boy/sad boy thing--is very much at work.

I’ve also talked before about a kind of monoculturalization of certain character interpretations and story beats in fandoms, and one of the more popular ones that seems to be applied to Macaque a lot is the “hero actually bad, villain actually good” cliche, as observable from the general fandom assumption that Mr. Six-Ears he wasn’t even slightly lying or remembering things through a rose-tinted or skewed lens when he gave his version of his and Sun Wukong’s past. Like at this point it seems the possibility that people WILL NOT even consider is that Sun Wukong never did & still doesn't care that much about the Six Eared Macaque (in JTTW they weren’t sworn brothers & in Monkie Kid the only thing the monkey king really said to Macaque before attacking him was a pretty contemptuous "Aren't you ever going to get sick of living under my shadow?," & responds to his "beloved friend" getting blown up with "You did good, bud" to Qi Xiaotian, who did the exploding), or that their original fight may in fact have mostly been instigated by Macaque. After all, to repeat what this anon summarized & what I've said before about their original JTTW context (& in an example of the things that do feel like it's often lost in translation) is that the Six Ear Macaque was a villain not just because he beat up the Tang Monk, but because he wanted to take over Sun Wukong's entire life and identity so he could have all that glory, prestige, and power for himself. To quote the macaque himself from the Anthony C. Yu translation, "I struck the T'ang monk and I took the luggage...precisely because I want to go to the West all by myself to ask Buddha for the scriptures. When I deliver them to the Land of the East, it will be my success and no one else's. Those people of the South Jambudvipa Continent will honor me then as their patriarch and my fame will last for all posterity." And in order to do this, the Six Eared Macaque had apparently made Sun Wukong's "little ones," his monkey family, his captives through either trickery or force, and gotten a number of them to take on the appearance of Tang Sanzang and the other pilgrims. It's also made clear that in very direct contrast to Sun Wukong, he doesn't care about these monkeys beyond how they might serve him. In fact, after Sha Wujing kills the monkey posing as him the Six Eared Macaque not only all but immediately replaces him with another, but also "told his little ones to have the dead monkey skinned. Then his meat was taken to be fried and served as food along with coconut and grape wines." So this monkey is not only willing to risk the lives of a lot of other monkeys for his own personal benefit, but is also a literal cannibal. And yes yes, I know a lot of people have argued that Monkie Kid shouldn't be considered a direct sequel to JTTW & that's fair enough (for example, Sun Wukong probably shouldn't be smashing anyone into a meat patty in a children's cartoon lol). And of course, it needs to be noted that there are a buttload of really out there & really cursed pieces of media based on JTTW & that were created in China. Yet the above description is the oft-ignored in the west original facet of the Six Eared Macaque's character. And it is this selfishness, entitlement, and treatment of other individuals as tools for his own self-serving ends that is, from where I’m standing, still very much present in Monkie Kid. Like besides repeatedly going out of his way to physically and psychologically traumatize Xioatian, with the last episode Macaque seemed to be going right back to his manipulative ways. I’ve seen people frame their last conversation as Macaque softening to Xioatian a little bit, but personally that read a lot more like that common tactic among abusers where even after they’ve hurt you they’ll dangle something you want or need over your head (in Macaque’s case, the promise of desperately needed training and information about a serious looming threat), with the implication that you’ll only get it if you do what they want you to, such as, in this case, Xioatian going back to Macaque as his student even after having been so terribly hurt by this monkey, which would give Macaque power over Xiaotian and probably Sun Wukong as a result. And it is this violence and manipulation that it seems the fandom at large has tacitly decided shouldn’t even be addressed, instead leaning more towards a (and this is an exaggeration) “Six-Eared Macaque my poor meow meow Sun Wukong has always been bad & has always been wrong about literally everything” reading.

And while it is the case that I am not Chinese and feel that as such it would be best left to someone who actually comes from that background to provide more context into how common interpretations of the Six Eared Macaque from China may clash really badly with the stuff the western fandom creates, it also must be noted that, as much as we all want to have fun in fandom & in spite of all the out-there versions of JTTW from China, we westerners should recognize that there is a very long and very ugly history of western countries stripping other cultures’ important religious and literary works for parts & mashing them into their own thing while implying or even insisting that what they present provides a true understanding of the original piece. And while I trust most individuals in regards to Monkie Kid are able to step back and think “this is a lego cartoon and not a set guide for how I should understand JTTW” (especially given the insistence that JTTW and Monkie Kid should be considered there own separate works) there does nevertheless seem to be something of a tendency to take the conclusions people come to, for example, about Sun Wukong’s characteristic in his lego form & then assume that’s just reflective to Sun Wukong as a totality. I imagine a good portion of this is due to people not reading JTTW & especially to not having easy access to solid information or answers about JTTW’s many different facets (like geez awhile ago I was trying to get a clear answer on what is considered the most accurate translation of the names of Sun Wukong’s six sworn brothers & got like 5 different responses lmao), but that tendency to take a western fandom interpretation & run with it instead of doing any background research or questioning said interpretation is still very much at play. As such, & as made prominent in the way people have been interpreting the dynamic between Sun Wukong and the Six Eared Macaque in the lego monkey show, tbh it does seem kind of shitty for western creators & audience to sometimes go really out of their way to ignore all of this original cultural & narrative context for the sake of Angst (TM) in Macaque's favor, demonizing Sun Wukong, and shipping the monkey king with his evil twin (X_X).

And speaking of which, even beyond the potential inherent creepiness & revulsion that can be inspired by this specific ship given common interpretations of the og classic's original meaning (again, it's my understanding, given both summaries of translated Chinese academic texts I've been kindly provided with, my own reading of the Anthony C. Yu translation of JTTW, & vents from a number of Chinese people I've seen on this site, that the Six-Eared Macaque is commonly interpreted in China as having originated from Sun Wukong himself as a living embodiment of his worst traits, hence why only Buddha can tell the difference between them & why the monkey king is much more slow to violence after he kills the macaque), I'd argue that in the face of all the uwu poor widdle meow meow portrayals lego show Macaque is, especially if you include JTTW's events, still in the role of “Sun Wukong but worse” as he is very much a violent & selfish creep. Like he was basically running around in JTTW wearing a Sun Wukong fursuit, but there he had the sole reason of wanting to replace Sun Wukong wholesale so he could have all the good things in the monkey king's life without actually having to work as hard for them. But if you combine that with Macaque now claiming that he used to be best friend with Sun Wukong in his pre-journey days (something that's made funny from a JTTW context given that that status actually belongs to the Demon Bull King lol), his original violence has now blown into this centuries long and really unhealthy obsession with the monkey king. Like he's apparently gone from wanting to literally be Sun Wukong to being so obsessed with getting revenge on Sun Wukong that he's got basically nothing else going on in his life. Like he's only appeared in two episodes but...does he have any friends? Any family? A career or even a hobby that DOESN'T center the monkey king? Anything at all outside of his "get revenge on and/or kill Sun Wukong/use his successor as my personal punching bag” thing? Like dude! That is extremely creepy and extremely bad for everyone all around! As I’ve said before, this seeming refusal to see beyond the past or to do something that doesn’t involve Sun Wukong in some capacity is a trait that makes Macaque an interesting and somewhat tragic villain--he even seems to be working as Sun Wukong’s reflection in a mirror darkly, with lego show Sun Wukong pretty clearly not being able to heal from his own past which is hinted to be defined by one loss after another, and with Monkie Kid even kind of having these two characters somewhat follow their JTTW characterizations in that in the latter half of the journey Sun Wukong often gets sad & starts crying in the face of what seems insurmountable odds (& Monkie Kid Sun Wukong does seem to be hiding some serious depression behind a cheerful facade), whereas the Six-Eared Macaque retains a worse version of Sun Wukong’s pre-journey characteristic of getting pissed and lashing out if things don’t go his way--but it’s also what would make any current friendship or romantic relationship between these monkeys horrific. Although to be fair even the fandom seems to recognize this in an unconscious way, in that a lot of the art & fanfic seems to swing erratically between them kissing & screaming at each other in yet another example of bog-standard fandom adulation of romanticized toxic relationships lol.

At the end of the day, of course, this is nothing new. You'll find versions of this dynamic across a ton of fandoms and now even canonical work. And as such, I can only look at this kind of popularized relationship dynamic with a kind of resigned weariness whenever it pops up, & my frustrated question with the popularity of this kind of pairing is the exact same one that I have for a multitude of blatantly toxic villain/hero ships, given common fandom discourse & the tendency to either ignore or justify the villain's actions & demonize the hero: if you're THAT convinced that everything is the hero's fault, if you believe THAT much that the hero is the one in the wrong for the villain's pain and their subsequent actions, then why are you so set on them not only becoming a romantic pair, but framing this get-together as a good thing? Like I know we contain multitudes but that's waaay too many contradictions for me to wrap my head around. And it definitely doesn’t help that one branch of underlying reasoning behind this kind of pairing seems to be the ever-present “you break it, you fix it” mentality, where the assumption is that if you’re in a failing, abusive, and/or generally toxic relationship (platonically or romantically), if you put in enough time and effort & attempts to compromise, you’ll be able to restore/have the relationship you dreamed of, even with someone who hurt you really badly. And this assumption isn’t limited to fandom: I’d even argue that it’s everywhere in the culture, hence why a lot of people feel like they “failed” if they have to get a divorce or make the choice to leave an unhealthy friendship. Personally, I feel like people could really benefit from more stories about how it is not only the case that the people you hurt don’t owe you their forgiveness & you can still become a better and happier person without the one you hurt in your life, & that while it can be really hard it can also be a good thing to leave a relationship, even if it’s one that once meant a lot to you.

But in all honestly, from my own perspective this kind of pairing is starting to read far less like enemies to lovers and far more like a horrible fantasy where you can pull whatever shit you want, even on the people you "love," & never be held accountable for your terrible behavior or even have to consider that maybe you were in the wrong. It's another facet that makes me larf every time I see people insist that fandom is an inherently "transformative" or "progressive" form of storytelling like friends you are literally just taking status quo toxic monogamy & rebranding it as somehow beneficial & romantic (X_X).

But as to anon’s last frustration, it is hard to know what is the appropriate response with this kind of thing...like for my own part I’m keeping my frustrations to my blog & now increasingly to posts that you would have to click on the “read more” button to see what I have to say, but I totally get the hesitation to give even a mild critique to big names in a fandom. Like I've now seen it happen repeatedly where someone who has a big name in a fandom will make something that's kind of shitty for one reason or another, someone will message them with some version of "hey, that's kind of shitty, you shouldn't do that," and the typical response is either to blatantly ignore the issue completely, or more popularly to make a giant crying circus that seems deliberately geared towards stoking emotions on both sides of the, for example, fiction does/doesn't affect reality issue so that something that didn't even have to be that big a deal gets blown out of all proportion, with the big name often framing what often started out as a very mild critique into a long crying jag about how the initial response to their kind of shitty thing was so mean/cruel and they're just a poor innocent & that YOU'RE the true racist/sexist/bigot etc. if you don't agree with their opinion. It must of course be noted that there have also been numerous instances of people taking it too far the other way & sending not just big names but smaller creators literal deaths threats over stuff like innocuous ships which like holy hell bells people that’s a horrible thing to do. But for the big names at least, the end result of all this fighting is usually that once the dust has settled they have more attention/fame/money/power in the fandom than before, and with anyone who might have a problem with their stuff feeling afraid to voice their opinion lest they be swarmed by that person's fans. In that way fandom does often seem to increasingly be geared towards presenting an “official” fandom perspective about various facets of a piece of media instead of allowing for a multitude of interpretations, and with criticism, no matter its shape or form or how genuinely warranted it may be, being hounded out of existence. I feel like a lot of this could be made less bad if there wasn’t this constant assumption & even drive to think that a different interpretation of or criticism of your favorite work of fiction or your fanwork isn’t a direct claim that you are a thoroughly loathsome individual (& maybe also if people cultivated an enjoyment of learning things about important works from a culture outside their own, even if what you learn clashes with your own initial understandings), but I guess we’ll see if that ever happens.

So these are my general thinks about the Six Eared Macaque’s current fandom meow meow status & some of my bigger gripes with fandom tendencies as a whole. I stand by my idea that the most interesting & beneficial route for Macaque moving forward would be a kind of “redemption without forgiveness from the ones you hurt” arc--as I think was done pretty excellently with the character Grace in Infinity Train--and if for no other reason than gosh dern this monkey really needs to cultivate some sort of identity beyond his “Sun Wukong but worse” persona.

#lmk macaque #monkie kid macaque #6 eared macaque #monkie kid #lmk sun wukong #qi xiaotian #lmk monkey king #sun wukong #monkey king #journey to the west #jttw #fandom criticism #lmk

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todomitoukei · 4 years ago

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English vs. Japanese Shouto - A 298 Comparison

Welcome back to another comparison between the Japanese version and the official English translation. This chapter has caused a lot of confusion as soon as the spoilers came out, particularly in regards to the last line in Shouto’s monologue. Does he want to kill Dabi? Is he going to fight him?

Aside from the confusion, this chapter is important for both Shouto’s character, as well as his and Dabi’s storyline, moving forward.

The scene starts with a panel of Shouto in his hospital bed, surrounded by his classmates who by now are also aware of the situation. As we find out at the end of the chapter, Shouto’s throat is burned, so he currently can’t talk. Regardless, he has a lot to say or rather a lot to reflect on, starting with an obvious fact:

“His flames are stronger than dad’s.”

An obvious fact and a simple sentence. But what about the original?

「あいつの炎は親父よりも強かった。」

「あいつ ; aitsu 」-> he; that guy

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「炎 ; honou 」-> flame

「は ; ha 」-> topic marker particle

「親父 ; oyaji 」-> dad

「よりも ; yori mo 」-> in comparison to; more than

「強かった ; tsuyokatta 」-> was strong

= “His flames were stronger than dad’s.”

The difference here is the tense. While the original text has Shouto say that the flames “were” stronger, the English translation has him say they “are” stronger. It’s not really an important difference, but I think the past tense was him reflecting on the one fact he knew about Touya before all this. The first time we, the readers, heard about Touya in chapter 202 -

was during Shouto’s early training days, where Endeavor brought up Touya and the fact that “his fire was greater” - so this is a fact Shouto was raised with, someone he was essentially compared to. Touya set the bar high, but Endeavor expected Shouto to raise the bar even higher.

“I couldn’t win with firepower alone. So strong… Those flames full of hate.”

While Shouto had so far only been told about Touya’s strength, this is the first time he got to actually experience this himself. Now, Touya’s flames being stronger isn’t just something Endeavor said, but something Shouto knows.

「火力で勝てなかった強い。。。憎しみの炎だった。」

「火力 ; karyoku」-> firepower

「で ; de 」-> with

「勝てなかった ; katenakatta 」-> couldn’t win

「強い ; tsuyoi 」-> strong

「憎しみ ; nikushimi 」-> hatred

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「炎 ; honou 」-> flame

「だった ; datta 」-> was

= “I couldn’t win with firepower. Strong… it was a flame of strong hatred.”

Again, not a big difference, especially since the English translation made sure to split the text the same way as the original, but tsuyoi (strong) is an adjective that attaches to the noun, nikushimi (hatred). Sure, his flames are strong, but more importantly, his hatred is strong and that is the bigger problem here.

Not only does Dabi have a stronger flame, but his hatred grants him even more power as he’s not held back by any rational thought or feeling. Like a forest fire, you can’t just extinguish it. Instead, it keeps spreading and growing larger and larger.

“And he’s… been watching us all this time.”

Next, we get the flashback to the first time Shouto met Dabi back in the summer arc. Maybe Dabi’s “How sad, poor little Shouto Todoroki” didn’t mean that much to Shouto - who might have just assumed that Dabi knew his name from the sports festival - but now he understands that this had been planned for a long time. Touya “died” around ten years ago and during all that time, Dabi had been thinking about this moment.

「あいつはずっと見てたんだ。」

「あいつ ; aitsu 」-> he; that guy

「は ; ha 」-> topic marker particle

「ずっと ; zutto 」-> continuously; the whole time

「見てた ; miteta 」-> was watching

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

= “He was watching the whole time.”

Again, not much of a difference except for the tense. Another thing that this is implying is that Dabi is incredibly patient. Instead of just being filled with rage and letting it out all, he waited in the shadows for years, even when being so close to Shouto he chose to keep his composure, even though he could’ve just killed him right then and there if he had wanted to.

Something that got lost in translation is the nuance of the nda at the end of the sentence, which can have multiple meanings. Here, it expresses reason and discovery, as Shouto understands his first encounter with Dabi now. Sort of like saying “Oh, so that’s why he knew my name. That’s what he has been up to the entire time.”

“All… to bring down dad. Wrecking his own body along the way… and not giving a damn whose lives get ruined in the process.”

「親父を貶めるためだけにその身を滅ぼしながらあらゆる人の人生を巻き込んで。」

「親父 ; oyaji 」-> dad

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「貶める ; otoshimeru 」-> to look down upon; to cause to fall

「ため ; tame 」-> purpose

「だけに ; dake ni 」-> being the case; precisely

「その ; sono 」-> that

「身 ; mi 」-> body; oneself

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「滅ぼしながら ; horoboshi nagara 」-> while destroying

「あらゆる人 ; ara yuru hito 」-> all kinds of people

「の ; no 」-> possessive particle; similar to an apostrophe

「人生 ; jinsei 」-> human life

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「巻き込んで ; makikonde 」-> involving; dragging into

= “For the purpose of causing dad’s downfall, he destroyed his body at the same time and dragged other lives into it.”

I find the additional “not giving a damn” in the official translation interesting (= I hate it)… since he literally doesn’t say that, but sure let’s just add this to make it seem like Shouto is judging Dabi here when he is not doing that at all. This is merely an observation, stating the fact that his older brother’s mind was so clouded by hatred that he involved other people’s lives in their family business. This isn’t to say that Shouto doesn’t see this as wrong, but it’s not the point and not something he is focusing on. He’s connecting the dots, making sense of the situation, and understanding the reasons that led to Dabi’s crimes rather than just stating the obvious of “this is wrong.”

On to one of my favorite lines this chapter: “He’s basically... me.”

「あいつは俺だ。」

「あいつ ; aitsu 」-> he; that guy

「は ; ha 」-> topic marker particle

「俺 ; ore 」-> I

「だ ; da 」-> be

= “That guy is me.”

So, I’m not sure why the “basically” was added in the official English translation since Shouto doesn’t say it like that. He just says “Touya = me.” It’s a fact. Obviously, Shouto isn’t actually Touya, but the “basically” isn’t needed unless you suddenly think that maybe Shouto hass two separate bodies at once somehow. This might be nitpicking, and there have definitely been bigger changes before, but to me the “basically” distances the two, even though the sentence is supposed to show that they are the same. Yes, one is on the hero side and the other on the villain side. Of course there are differences. But again, it’s not about the crimes Dabi has committed or how these two brothers differ. It’s about what’s going on in their minds, what feelings control their every action. They come from the same place, physically and mentally. The way they reacted to their pain is the same, with the big difference being what Shouto points out next:

“I was also burning with rage… up until that day.”

That day, as the panel shows, being the sports festival, the day Shouto began to see clearly. But Dabi didn’t have a moment like that (yet) and so he continues going down that path, while Shouto managed to leave that mindset.

「あの��までの俺がこの身を焼いたんだ。」

「あの ; ano 」-> that

「日 ; hi 」-> day

「まで ; made 」-> until

「の ; no 」-> nominalizes the preceding phrase

「俺 ; ore 」-> I

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「この ; kono 」-> this

「身 ; mi 」-> body; oneself

「を ; o 」-> direct object marker

「焼いた ; yaita 」-> was burning

「んだ ; nda 」-> explanatory particle

= “Until that day, I burned this body.”

As mentioned earlier, the nda is an explanatory particle. Here, it again expresses discovery. Shouto draws a conclusion here: Just like he used to burn his body, Dabi is still doing the same to his.

Again, his focus is not on Dabi, the villain, but Touya, his older brother, and someone just like Shouto. While other people might just see a mentally unstable criminal, Shouto sees how self-destructive Dabi is. And because Shouto hadn’t realized how clouded his mind was, he understands that Dabi most likely doesn’t quite realize this either. Dabi ignores his own pain, all in order to destroy Endeavor. A cry for help that others aren’t capable of comprehending.

“Dad can’t do it…”

「親父じゃやれねェ。。。」

「親父 ; oyaji 」-> dad

「じゃ ; jya 」-> casual particle

「やれねェ ; yarenee 」-> can’t do

= “Dad can’t do it.”

[EDIT because this part originally had a different explanation: As pointed out by this anon here, the jya in this case is a casual particle to mark the topic/subject, and the nee part is the casual form of nai, which negates the verb. The translation is the same but the explanation is different!]

And now, for the last line:

“I have to be the one… to handle… my brother Touya.”

Handle him…

「燈矢兄は俺がやらなきゃ。」

「燈矢 ; touya 」-> Touya

「兄 ; nii 」-> suffix for older brother

「は ; ha 」-> topic marker particle

「俺 ; ore 」-> I

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「やらなきゃ ; yaranakya 」-> must do it

= “I am the one that has to take care of Touya-Nii.”

So this is the line that caused confusion and panic, due to the yaranakya part. As you can see by the meaning of the word, similar to how “must do it” can have multiple meanings in English, the same logic applies to the Japanese word. It’s also important to note that the word here consists of the two parts yaru (to do) and nakya (must do). Nakya not only expresses that you have to do something, but, in this case, also shows determination. Shouto really has to do it and will do it. But do what exactly? Again, the problem with yaru is that its meaning depends on context, but sometimes context itself isn’t super helpful. One of the definitions of yaru is “to kill” and that might be what some people think it means here? But context tells us that this makes zero sense. Why show how much he understands his brother only to turn around and decide “well, I got help but he hasn’t so I’m just gonna have to kill him, I guess” - no.

More importantly, right before this line, he says “dad can’t do it” - what can’t he do? If we were talking about killing him, then why would Shouto be able to do it and not Endeavor? Of course, there are the... funny people who suggested that only Shouto can fight/kill his brother because unlike him, Endeavor has an emotional attachment to Dabi (I’m just not gonna comment on this). Anyway, to answer the question of what Endeavor can’t do but Shouto can, we have to look at what Shouto said before that, which is talking about him also having burned his body until the sports festival. This is the key moment where Shouto’s and Dabi’s similarities end and only because someone was reaching out to Shouto. So obviously, in order to have Dabi stop being self-destructive and fueled by hatred, someone needs to reach out to Dabi. And that’s the thing that Endeavor can’t do. After all, Endeavor is the root cause of this, which in turn brings this scene to a full circle since right before Shouto’s monologue began, we got this flashback to what Starservant said in chapter 244:

“That one is the root cause,” accompanied by a panel showing Endeavor.

For reference, here’s the Japanese counterpart:

「其奴こそが元凶じゃ！！」

「其奴 ; soyatsu 」-> that guy

「こそ ; koso 」-> for sure (emphasizes preceding word)

「が ; ga 」-> subject marker particle

「元凶 ; genkyou 」-> culprit; main source

「じゃ ; jya 」-> sentence ender often used for old people in fiction

= “That guy is definitely the main source!”

Shouto remembering this is just stating an obvious fact that he hadn’t fully understood before: Dabi’s existence is Endeavor’s fault. His actions drove Touya to become Dabi, someone whose sole purpose for existing is to destroy Endeavor. So Endeavor couldn’t possibly save him. No matter what Endeavor would say or do, it would be meaningless. But Shouto is different because Shouto was Dabi. The big obstacle Shouto has to figure out how to overcome is making his big brother understand this, too. Regardless, Shouto is the only one that can reach out to him and the only one that fully understands him.

Another important to point out with this line, and many others have already talked about this, is that Shouto now refers to Dabi as Touya-Nii, whereas on the battlefield a few days prior, Shouto only called him Touya, without the “nii”. He is now actively acknowledging that this is, in fact, his big brother. He isn’t Dabi, the villain. And he isn’t just Touya, either - some abstract idea; someone Shouto has heard of but never met or talked to (not confirmed, but likely). This is now his big bro, just like Natsuo is, and just like Fuyumi is his big sister. They’re family.

Overall, this chapter was actually pretty accurate in terms of translation; though granted, Shouto isn’t a villain so the bias isn’t there… but anyway, this marks a very important turning point in the story and gives us a rough idea of what’s in store for Shouto from here on out.

He recognizes where Dabi is coming from. He doesn’t just see him as a villain, but rather someone who has been so full of hatred - for good reasons - that he ended up dragging innocent people into this. The focus, though, is entirely on that one fact: “That guy is me.”

Shouto understands that he could have turned out the same way, he understands hurting his own body just to spite his father.

The key concern with this chapter was that Shouto said that he’s going to kill Touya. I have no idea who started this rumor, but as mentioned, there is a possible confusion regarding yaru, which has multiple meanings. But although he doesn’t explicitly say “I will save him” it’s obvious from everything else he says during this chapter. If he recognizes that they’re the same, his conclusion won’t be “I have to kill him.” Especially when taking into consideration the fact that Shouto also pointed out that he couldn’t win against Dabi with his fire. And no, that doesn’t mean he can beat him with his ice or that that’s what he intends on doing. It’s not clear what he will be doing exactly, but that is partially due to the fact that Shouto is currently not in a state where he could possibly figure out the answer, either.

But he has a goal: saving Touya-Nii - not so much from Endeavor, but from Dabi.

Next week’s chapter will hopefully focus on the Todofam conversation about to take place and will maybe give us some more hints as to what to expect. So far, though, it’s very obvious that Shouto will try to reach out to Dabi and save him, much like he was also saved from his hatred during the sports festival. He might not have a relationship with Touya the way he has started to build one with Natsuo and Fuyumi, but they have a much deeper connection because they are the same person.

#298 #translation #shouto #dabi #todoroki #touya #bnha #meta

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astaroth1357 · 4 years ago

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Unpacking the Angel Event (Through My Own Perspective)

Okay so uh… this was a very uncomfortable seat the Devs have offered us today and like all things that give me moral uncomfiness, I HAVE to analyze it. Blame the ethics classes. A full disclaimer, this is not spoiler-free and is pretty much entirely just me unpacking my own feelings here. What may bother or not bother me could really affect you and there is nothing wrong with that. You are entitled to your own perspective. This is just me trying to walk through all the stuff in this event that just… rubbed me the wrong way. So let's get to it.

The Costumes

So. Let's start at the beginning. Diavolo apparently had the bright idea to put everybody in magical costumes of their angel forms (or something like it in Satan's case). This is… problematic.

The reason the brothers lost their angel forms was because they fell after the Celestial War… who's greatest causality (in their eyes) was their sister, Lilith. So one could imagine that their memories as angels aren't particularly happy ones… By this point in the "continuity" (this is Post-Attic, more on that later), they would have known that Lilith didn't actually die which may soften something like this a little. I dunno, I'm not one of them and trauma is uniquely personal to the individual, but the bigger issue is that Diavolo thought this was a good idea to start with to which I say! - I'm not at all surprised by that. Hear me out.

Diavolo is heavily implied to have had a huge ass crush on Angel Lucifer. He's also uh… probably a little sheltered (as sheltered as the royalty of Hell can be) and probably not used to think of his subjects' feelings on the things he does before he just does them. This is fairly evident in other events where he'll order the brothers to do XYZ task even if they want no part in it. It doesn't surprise me at all that Diavolo would want to see them (Lucifer) as angels again and not take into account how that could affect them. I don't think that'd be malice on his part, just shortsightedness, and he likely would have apologized if any of the brothers expressed an emotional problem with it to him directly.

Do they have problems? Yes. But since the event kind of wipes them of their true selves, that's better discussed elsewhere. Moving on.

The Bangles

Holy fuck, how do we even approach this? So Simeon, in conjunction with Michael (probably, at this point I have to wonder if he's telling the truth about this) gives the brothers jewelry, presumably to wear to the party, that would… I'm not even sure. Curb their impulses? Force them to be mannered? The important thing is he did not tell them about that little detail before they put the bangles on…

This is… also problematic. First, we can try to establish Simeon's intentions versus what actually happened:

The bangles were (likely) intended to be removable. It was the mixing of the magic that locked them in place so we can assume he didn't mean this to be a permanent change.

The magic on the bangles was probably amplified by the angel costumes. What this means is though we can assume that Simeon never intended them to become quite so… different, we'll never know just how much influence he was actually trying to put on them. It could have been anything from suppressing their sins to full blown force you to say please/thank you. We'll just never get to know now…

I won't be the first person to liken this to mind control (nor the last) because… that's kind of how it turned out. Even worse still, it would have been completely involuntary on the brothers' part. Simeon DID NOT tell them what the bangles were going to do. Now, he claims later that he would have eventually, but we don't get to know when that would have been. I presume at some time after the party, because like. These are our boys. They're not going to consent to wearing something like that, they're just not.

This poses all kinds of questions and problems ranging from issues of consent to anatomy and even the worth of good deeds done out of obligation vs. free will and… I mean quite literally when I say Jesus Christ, Simeon, what the hell?!

I could write a completely different post debating whether or not what Simeon did actually had any moral merit but I won't because it'd be very dry and boring. I think the most interesting thing to take away here is that Simeon thought it was okay to do like, at all, and with approval from Michael (maybe) no less… That reflects something on angel society that I doubt will get explored but I need to ponder farther…

This section is all kinds of sticky so we need to move on.

The Development(?)

First off, to new players, don't worry this probably isn't canon (at least to the main story continuity). The Brothers should be back to normal in the new chapters and this won't have a long term effect on anything (aside from maybe a tie in to the next event ala Beach event-> Games). That's how Obey Me has always treated their events it seems and I sure hope they stick to it now. But, these are still the same characters going through a unique situation and that can offer some insight so… Let's discuss.

I mentioned earlier that the brothers had problems with this… Unfortunately, I think we only get to see Lucifer and Satan's thoughts in any detail because everyone else is too far gone by the time we reach them… Lucifer can pretty much be summed up as troubled and unhappy because (you know) not a lot of great memories as an angel. I presume that his wounded pride after the fall may also contribute.

Satan is… more complex. I’m honestly more bothered by his change than anyone else’s because even he expresses how weird this is for him... (We get confirmation that he never in fact had an angel form, btw). Poor baby is going through a full on identity crisis and there’s a certain part of his mind that he’s not even allowed to use right now... Anger. The Avatar of Wrath, born from Wrath, can’t get angry and… Something about that just bothers me at a deeper level, not even I can express properly…

Everyone else is too far gone once we reach them. Their personalities are completely different and they can’t even acknowledge that’s the case. They think that they’ve turned a new leaf but we know that’s not the reality, that leaf was very much turned for them and it doesn’t make anything feel any better…

This may be my own opinion, but part of me thinks that this portion (and only this portion right here) was actually what the Devs were going for. They wanted us to be uncomfortable by all of this for like, story reasons. It’s a narrative trick. Think of the phrase “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.” I think they were trying to use the absence of the brothers’ usual flaws and traits as a weird way of celebrating them. Kind of like saying, “We could have given you guys these perfect brothers, but they’re not perfect and we know that’s why you like them. Look at these perfect guys, doesn’t it feel wrong?” The answer is, yes. It does feel wrong. And under other circumstances, it would be affirming like they’d be intending, “I don’t want this emotionally-open non-otaku, give me Levi dammit!” But when you add this intended discomfort with the already sketchy way we got here it just makes it all the worse…

And absolutely NONE of this is helped by...

The… End?

I think the thing I hate about this event the most (actually legitimately hate) is how it ends. In that it doesn’t. It kind of just… abruptly stops right after Lucifer starts coming to himself again. Though I suspect that’s because they’re putting incentive into getting the event cards, this in NO WAY does the narrative any favors.

Most people are not going to get those cards. Even with Lonely Devil as an option, it’s a huge time/resource commitment to get there. Because of that, the majority of people are not going to get to see the aftermath of what happened. We don’t get to see how the brothers feel about what happened. We don’t get to see if they do, in fact, come to and if they have any takeaways from the experience or if they’re utterly disgusted by it. The player character doesn’t even get the option to comfort them after something that was probably terribly traumatic. It. Just. Ends.

What that means is all of that discomfort that we had just lingers… There’s no resolution or pay off. It just… stays… This is the worst possible thing they could have done. If you want your audience to feel uncomfortable, that’s one thing, but unless you’re telling like, a psychological thriller you gotta settle them back down again! Deep moral conflict is not a turn on!!!

Personally, I don’t hate that this thing exists. I don’t. The part of me that majored in Philosophy loves analyzing media like this so I can’t say that I didn’t get anything out of it. I don’t think all media should play it safe, it’s okay to leave the audience with no good answers or a feeling of unease, but you really got to be self-aware of it. The biggest flaw of this event, in my opinion, is that it rarely comes across as self-aware of its own horror. You get a very brief glimpse of it from Solomon when he comments on how creepy things are, but Simeon’s happy. Diavolo’s happy. And though he’s a little uneasy, Luke’s pretty content, too. Add that to the abrupt ending and we never get to know if ANY of them realize how awful of a thing this was to do to the brothers... It makes it all come off as an endorsement of mind controlling your friends into better people and (to me) that feels really, really wrong.

So in conclusion… I dunno. If the next event isn’t something along the lines of “Angelic Demons Part 2: Fixing What We Fucked Up!” then I think they really botched this one guys… I hope somebody was taking notes.

#this is pretty much an essay #fair warning #long post #even for me #obey me angel event #obey me #obey me shall we date #shall-we-date-obey-me

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caneannabelle · 4 years ago

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ok hi guys. it’s been a while. i wrote this analysis back when Mag 187 aka Checking Out aka The One Where Helen Dies first came out and literally ever since i’ve posted it i’ve wanted to redo it because it feels. lacking. listen if there’s one thing i hate it’s incomplete media analysis and i must right my wrongs lest i be forced to look upon myself and crumble from within. that being said, i’ve been putting off this rewrite for a long long time bc Life Gets Weird. tldr this was written over the course of several months so i apologize for inconsistent quality. anyways let’s get into it!

part one: recap!

it’s been a while! let’s just go over what happened. the scene i wanna focus on in particular is this one:

VICTIM

You’ve got to help me!

ARCHIVIST

[Angrily] Don’t touch me!

[THE ARCHIVIST PULLS AWAY, AS THE VICTIM FALLS AND IS CRYING]

HELEN

Oopsie. Not so easy, is it? Keeping up your humanity?

(187).

that being said i’m gonna be kind of all over the place but! i do think that’s a good jumping off point.

part two (part one): disparaging everyone’s problematic fav

in my original post my point was that in reflexively reacting to a victim with disgust and anger jon inadvertently reveals the nature of his dedication to helping victims as ego driven, especially because this line is directly preceded by him asserting his moral high ground over helen as being a “protector” as opposed to her indulgence in destruction. what i’m saying is homeboy has a savior complex. honestly there’s a lot of evidence to support that claim but i think the most obvious example would be jordan kennedy. like.

JORDAN

…Yeah. But wrong. Sick.

What did you do to me?

ARCHIVIST

I helped you.

JORDAN

Helped me? I don’t feel right, I, I just – Ah! No I don’t – argh! I don’t want this!

(184). to be clear it’s an action with a good intent! he just wants to help someone who once helped him! BUT it also demonstrates a lack of conscious empathy. i feel like i don’t have to argue this since jordan Literally vocally said he didn’t want this several times throughout the scene but the point remains that while jon’s intent is good the actual application of his saviourism removes the autonomy of those he affects. i’m not gonna touch on the “is it objectively immoral to become an oppressor for the sake of self preservation while existing within an extreme system in which all are oppressed regardless of your individual status” query mostly because i do not have the brainpower available rn to come to my own conclusion about systems of power and the way they’re represented in tma (which is a whole other rant tbh) but jon DOES rob jordan of the ability to come to his own conclusion in this debate and make his own choice, thereby removing his autonomy. you know. autonomy. free will. the thing that is central to jon’s internal conflicts. huh.

anyways i NEED to stress that i’m not saying that he’s the same as jonah or the web or even annabelle (although annabelle is a victim. no i don’t take constructive criticism). i just want to point out that his actions reflect a lack of understanding. while he’s able to empathize with the pain others experience and is eternally hyper- aware of it he is unable to view that pain through any lense besides his own and uses it in his cycle of self pity and blame, minimizing it at any point possible in the quickest way and Not prioritizing the wishes of the victim but instead the efficiency in decreasing his own guilt. anyways back to 187- both the victim and jordan are treated as props by jon (and helen) and once they serve their purpose in reaffirming the two’s sense of self are cast aside and ignored. ok from here i’m gonna get conceptual and self indulgent bc it’s my analysis and i get to bring up vague convoluted philosophy.

part two (part two): part two

let’s talk about the distortion for a sec. i refuse to believe helen and michael were both completely gone and it was just the distortion piloting their visage, mostly because… like that’s not what the text would indicate

HELEN

Michael isn’t me. Not now.

ARCHIVIST

What happened?

HELEN

He got… distracted. Let feelings that shouldn’t have been his overwhelm me.

Lost my way.

(101). it’s heavily implied that there was SOME remainder of michael in there, even if the being wasn’t him. maybe i’m way off base here but the way i interpreted the implosion of michael was that it was driven by his inability to maintain the repressed resentment and anger he had for gertrude. like it’s pretty clear that some warped version of michael’s feelings were trapped inside of the distortion and i’d go as far as to say that they were integral to his formation as it. i’m gonna operate on the assumption that michael and helen are two separate beings here for a sec even though we know they’re not. As opposed to michael’s resentment for the archivist, helen actively sought refuge in the institute and from the small amount we saw of her Pre-Distortion it seems like her paranoia is internally directed. i think you could even say that while michael was caught in an eternal battle with the concept of connection, helen is caught in a battle with the concept of self. the point is that she thinks of jon in a less “The Archivist” sense and more as just That Guy who she had an intense connection with that one time.

ARCHIVIST

So… S-so what do you want?

HELEN

I don’t know. Helen liked you, so… there’s a lot to consider. But I will help you leave.

(101). i would also like to point out that helen’s emergence as the distortion coincides with jon coming to terms with his identity as the archivist. parallels, baby! SO helen is a newly formed being that is grappling with the concept of her own existence and jon is reevaluating his understanding of identity as he comes to terms with the fact that he is turning into the thing he’s fighting against and this is all happening at the same time. live laugh love. stay with me here, i promise i’ll get back to 187. Throughout seasons 4 and 5 helen attempts to validate her own moral decisions via jon who she once saw herself in. conversely, jon sees both an image of what he could become AND arguably a representation of his past failure in her.

ARCHIVIST

It did. I think… I mean, you remember how I was back then, how paranoid. The Not!Sasha was there, and I could sense something wasn’t right, but I just couldn’t place it. It left me a suspicious wreck. Then when Helen Richardson came in, it seemed like… she was in the same place I was, but worse, further along. I thought, maybe if I could help her, that would mean… maybe I wasn’t beyond help?

(188). helen and jon lie at opposite ends of the same spectrum. both of them derive pleasure from the suffering of others

HELEN

Oh, John! This existence can be wonderful, if you just let it.

ARCHIVIST

[Sadly] I know.

(187). needless to say that a LOT of jon's arc and the themes surrounding him focus on the concept of autonomy and addiction and i think it'd be fair to say that this component is an aspect of that. repressing these qualities is both a way of reaffirming his control and also just.. him trying to be what he perceives as Good, and season 5 is the point at which this comes to the forefront of his character- particularly the line between what is intrinsic and what he truly has control over. a battle of the concept of the self, if you will. while the two share similar traits, jon is intensely moralistic while helen indulges in a twisted sense of hedonism and both are fueled by an inability to expand their viewpoint. helen fully immerses herself within these qualities and intentionally blinds herself to any concepts of morality (indulgence), and jon actively pushes back on this as hard as he can and follows black and white moral framework (repression). this means that in order for their relationship to function he must either accept her, choosing to let go in his personal battle with autonomy OR she must break out of her worldview and conform to standards of human morality which goes against her own nature.

part three: questions i do not have the answer to

so. what does it all mean. WELL. 187 is the boiling point of all this tension. we know that helen relies on jon to validate her sense of self and we know that jon sees himself in helen, both past and present

HELEN

But that doesn’t make any sense. You barely met her. You had half an hour together, and she spent most of that ranting about mazes! She was positively delirious with paranoia!

ARCHIVIST

True. But as you’ll recall, I was pretty paranoid myself at that point.

HELEN

So what? You saw yourself in her? A sad reflection? A possible future?

(187). I’d argue that 187 is demonstrative of jon’s inability to either fall into complete indulgence in intrinsic values that lack moral validity vs. maintain and image of self that does not conflict with the values he attempts to uphold in order to find internal satisfaction and yes both of those concepts are inherently egocentric as he bases his moral judgement on what he can justify to himself instead of what can be calculated via empathy. however. paired with the alternative (helen). is that BAD. is it inherently selfish to do what you perceive as good in order to feed your own savior complex? and if so, is it inherently selfish to indulge in destructive qualities as to not delude yourself? is honesty vs deception a black and white question? if not, where does helen even fall? in not deluding herself does she achieve a moral high ground? IS she deluding herself by denying the potential to be facetiously benevolent at the detriment of both her personal enjoyment and her honesty? does helen even posses the capability to repress her violent qualities? if she doesn't, does she have any autonomy? if she and jon are both inherently selfish and intentionally resistant to introspection, what makes them different? i do not have answers but i do think the text is meant to invoke these questions. i mean,

MICHAEL (STATEMENT)

There was a great evil, she said, and Michael was going to help her fight it. Am I evil, Archivist? Is a thing evil when it simply obeys its own nature? When it embodies its nature? When that nature is created by those which revile it? Perhaps Gertrude believed so. Michael certainly did. He believed everything she told him.

(101).

part 5: conclusion

so once again. what does it all mean. well! even post helen’s death jon continues to fight for autonomy and preserve his moral worldview so. i think that probably indicates something good.

MARTIN

Huh. She couldn’t help what she was, I guess.

ARCHIVIST

She didn’t even try.

(188). i honestly don’t have a thesis i just find it incredibly interesting how the themes surrounding these two intersect and play off of each other. anyways looping back to 187 i do think in a broad sense jon killing helen is representative of him choosing to stick by his convictions and keep fighting. i don’t have any good way to end this but thanks for sticking around during my self indulgent rambling!

#also apropos of nothing but #this scene reminds me of a clive barker story #truly that has nothing to do w this analysis i just wanted to throw this in the tags #anyways! hope this makes sense #i had a friend who’s never listened to tma read over this to make sure that it’s coherent #and she said it was fine so.. alice ty #this was fun! i have lots of Thoughts on tma and i should write them more often #the magnus archives #mag 187 #jonathan sims #the archivist #helen richardson #helen distortion #michael shelley #tma meta #the distortion #the spiral #tma

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palimpsessed · 4 years ago

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Writerly Ephemera

I was tagged by @amywaterwings @mostlymaudlin @tea-brigade @effing-numpties @captain-aralias @bloodiedpixie . This is so cool, so thanks for sharing yours! ❤️

Per Amy: We add little bits of ourselves to our writing, scattering memories and places and phrases and things into our stories. The game is to find five examples of this, of YOU, in your writing and show everyone.

I don’t really feel like I put much of my own experiences into my fic, probably because I don’t feel like I have a lot of experiences to pull from. (That’s not me being self-deprecating; that’s me never going anywhere or doing anything.) So, let’s see what we come up with!

Going to tag here. I feel like I’ve gotten to this late so I’m not sure who has been tagged. Anyway. No pressure, loves. Just saying hi. 🥰 @theflyingpeach @bazzybelle @otherworldsivelivedin @unseelieseelie @wetheformidables @caitybug @nightimedreamersworld @foolofabookwyrm @stillmadaboutpetra

1. I have put the most of myself into A Man of Letters. I have my degree in English Lit and when I was in college, I was at the height of my Jane Austen obsession. So I sort of built my degree around the development of the English novel. My senior thesis was on a book called Evelina by Frances Burney, who was one of Austen’s greatest literary influences. Evelina is an epistolary novel—told entirely in letters. I love the epistolary form, for the same reason I love dialogue and texting fics. It’s such a fun narrative technique and can reveal so much about individual characters. It’s actually a bit like the way Rainbow Rowell uses multi POV in her books. Anyway, my love of the epistle was on full display in this fic, which is ofc told in letters. —Do I share a passage? That’s like...the whole fic 😅 So, idk. Here’s Simon being a disaster as he meditates on letter writing:

Dear Penny,

As I start this letter, I already know I'm not going to post it. I know I won't be able to bring myself to do it, because of what I have to say to you. I do feel bad. It's not that I don't want to tell you. And you know I'm so much better at writing things down than saying them out loud. It's only that I feel like this would all sound better coming from me in person. I just don't think I'll be able to make you understand in a letter. I'm still trying to understand myself. And writing all of this down helps me with that. Even if I'm only pretending to write to you, it makes me feel better, to think of you on the other end. I promise I really will tell you everything as soon as we're together again.

2. Also for A Man of Letters, my fascination with Regency fashions, in particular the dandy, was a major factor. I did an art book about this, comparing how fashion has changed over time, especially in regard to gender. (I also did an art book based on Evelina, since I’m on the subject. I minored in book art. 😁) I always fancied the look of a Regency dandy, so that was my gift to Baz.

Whoever has been working their magic on Salisbury should in fact be the person to whom I offer my eternal devotion. Alas, I am left to flounder under the burden of lusting after a man who is incapable of dressing himself.

The utter and unmitigated shame.

Salisbury wore a forest green wool frock coat that set off the golden highlights in his brown locks. This was accented with a green and aubergine striped silk waistcoat that was trimmed in white piping and felt much too daring a pattern for the man. (I don't care if he was a soldier; it takes a hardier man than him by half to choose a stripe like that.) His charcoal trousers were enticingly snug, but not so much to prove lethal. His cravat and points left much to be desired, though that likely reflected poorly on his ability to keep himself in order, rather than the ability of his valet. (Good God, maybe the man doesn't even have a valet!)

3. When it came to my countdown fic, To the Manor Borne, I had Shep make a reference to Cluedo, because Pitch Manor would be perfect for a real life game. Behind that, is the fact that my family played a lot of Clue and I watched the movie a whole bunch growing up, to the point where my sister and I used to quote it to each other. This was a way to pay homage to that. He also talks about playing the game Murder in the Dark, which was one I played at Halloween as a kid. One of my cousins was dressed as a ghoul with glow in the dark face paint and we were in my grandma’s creepy upstairs. Perfect vibes.

I’ve seen the kitchen and the dining room and the library and the study and the parlor. Walking through this house is like playing Clue. (They call it Cluedo on this side of the pond, because they like to be difficult.) (That was a whole thing. Do not get me started.)

I keep thinking Colonel Mustard’s going to pop up out of nowhere and brain me with a lead pipe.

And:

What kind of games do you play with magickal friends who don't have magic? Twister? Not with the wings and tail. Cards? Baz and Penny would cheat. Or accuse everyone else of cheating if they didn't win. Murder in the dark? With these people, in this house, I knew it would turn literal fast, and also it was like ten in the morning. Hide and seek? Simon and I would hide and everyone else would ditch. Snowball fight? World War III.

4. I’ve referenced Mozart in my fics a couple of times because when I was first getting into classical music, I was listening to a lot of Mozart. My sister had a CD of some of his early symphonies, and my local classical station does “Mozart in the Mornings” which happened to fit in the exact time slot between two morning classes I had my first year in college. I’d go sit in my car with a cup of tea, and just vibe with Mozart as my soundtrack. I’ve name dropped him in both A Man of Letters and To the Manor Borne. Also, Mozart wrote 12 variations on the melody shared by Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, which is a lovely tie in. (I also had the gang sing/cast The Holly and the Ivy, which is one of my favorite Christmas carols, and by strange coincidence was playing on the radio at the same time I wrote that scene. 🥰)

"It's a songbook," I tell him, like he can't figure that out for himself. "Did you know that Mozart wrote twelve different versions of the same song?"

He's laughing. "Mozart did not write Twinkle, twinkle, little star, Simon."

"You know what I mean."

"He composed twelve variations for solo piano on the French folk melody Ah! Vous dirai-je, maman."

"Sure. Anyway, this is for the violin. For you to play."

He's still laughing, and I'm trying to figure out what's so funny, but then he kisses me again, on the lips this time, so I figure maybe I'm still doing okay.

Only one more to go! What will it be? 👀

5. Therapy! Eheheh...😅 Look, it’s no secret the gang needs it. And tbh, so do I. Haven’t actually managed to get myself to go yet, and I think that’s where a lot of my “send them to therapy” happy endings come from. I did it in Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne. I started Chamber by Chamber with SnowBaz already in therapy, and then structured the whole thing around therapy that they give to each other and to themselves. It didn’t really fit in A Man of Letters, but if it had, I absolutely would have done it. I’ve only shared from two fics so far, and since it could kind of spoil the ending to Use Your Words (tho saying this may be spoiler anyway...), here are two snippets from It’s a Kind of Magic, Part I of Chamber by Chamber.

I've been working on articulating my needs. We both have. Ordinarily, I'd be afraid of pushing him away by making demands when he's on the verge of a spiral, but my therapist insists that I can't go on treating Simon with kid gloves. If I never ask him for anything, he'll think he doesn't have anything to give.

And

When I told that to my therapist, she said that I needed to talk it out of me and she'd help me find ways to work through it all. She said I needed to talk it out with Baz, too, so that he'd know how to help me when things got bad again—that was something else she said, that things would get bad again, and that I'd need to be prepared for that. That I couldn't expect things to be easy, and just go away.

6. BONUS! I think the biggest way I include bits of myself is in the AUs I’ve chosen to write. I have three I’m planning that say a lot about me, so I’m going to talk a bit about them here. There is ofc my Scooby Doo AU, inspired in large part by the fact that I watched it all the time growing up and also, my sister continues to be obsessed with it. When we were young, my parents were doing a lot of work on their house and we’d take family trips to the hardware store. My sister and I hated it, so we’d wait in the car with my mom and she would entertain us with “Scooby Doo stories”. Other AUs I’m planning? Troop Beverly Hills—please tell me someone else out there loved this movie the way I did when I was 5. It was very influential to baby me and I remember wishing for nothing more than being able to dress like Shelley Long. So, I’m going to let Baz do it, because I think he deserves it. 🥰 Lastly, tho it will probably be the first I write, is my Cupid and Psyche AU, from when I was heavy into mythology and religion. Since these are all forthcoming projects, I don’t really have a snippet. Instead, here’s Baz comparing Simon to Eros, which is what started my brain on that particular AU.

I am lost. I barely know anything about Salisbury, but I can't help being drawn in. At one time, I could have comforted myself that I was only so smitten with him because he looks like he was sculpted by Praxiteles. That excuse grows weaker with every encounter. He's the furthest thing from a lifeless tribute to beauty in marble as one can be. There is something deep and dark and feral inside of him and I want to claw it out. I want to see it, to let it free. To taste his wildness and his pain.

#tag game #writerly ephemera

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digitaldreams0801 · 4 years ago

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Spirit Fuse AU

Posting Note: I was unable to post this until after the story ended because this contains spoilers for the last two chapters, but now, it is here. I typed this months ago, but now you get to see it. Fucking finally. Anyways, on with the show!

It’s been a while since I did an info dump about Frontiers Unexplored, so here we go. This is a long one. The Google document for it is seventeen pages. Yeah. Anyways, the concept of this AU is basically ‘what if traces of the Spirits were left to share bodies with their vessels after the adventure ended?’ I gave all of them personalities, and it took FUCKING forever. Spoilers for Frontiers Unexplored. Enough talk; let’s get into this!

Spirit Fuse AU

In which the Legendary Warriors share mind and body with the Spirits who call human children their vessels.

Each of the Spirits acts as common fragments of the current Legendary Warriors and the Ancient Digimon who once saved the Digital World. They act as checkpoints throughout the lives of both, sometimes taking on certain traits from their hosts or offering what their vessels need most. Hybrid forms are often closest to the personalities of the Ancient Digimon since they have combined broken memories from the Human and Beast Spirits, though this is not always the case.

Warrior of Fire

This collective includes Takuya Kanbara, the current vessel of Fire, along with Aguni the Human Spirit, Vritra the Beast Spirit, and Alda the Hybrid. The body itself is immune to heated temperatures and feels significantly warmer than all others. They are also immune to burns and can breathe in smoke easily. Their strength is replenished when in the presence of fire.

Takuya

Takuya is known for his endless passion and confidence. He is naturally charismatic and a strong leader, though he can be stubborn to a fault. His loyalty and courage cannot be understated, and he cares for those who get close to him above all else. Takuya has a strong sense of justice, but he rarely thinks before he acts, and this can very easily get him into trouble. He hides insecurity involving his body behind his brazen optimism. Takuya is the most casual out of the Warriors of Fire in posture and movements.

Aguni

Aguni is known to be a somewhat chaotic person, and he’s openly talkative with the people around him. He’s a leader at heart, very easily earning the trust and admiration of others without even trying. He can be stubborn at times and refuses to give up even in the face of opposition with every power to crush him. In the Ancient Warrior of Fire, Aguni manifests as the leadership needed following the death of the Ancient Warrior of Steel. In Takuya, Aguni is meant to reflect Takuya embracing his true self following his transition.

Vritra

Vritra is detached and borderline confrontational in his wish to be kept secure. He despises physical contact under most circumstances and is prone to snapping in the name of safety. He personifies the Ancient Warrior of Fire from the start of the war with Lucemon when times were chaotic and lives were being lost constantly. In Takuya, Vritra reflects his host’s struggle with dysphoria and a wish to stand up to his intrusive thoughts. Vritra takes control on bad days and is known for his general snappiness and cynicism.

Alda

Alda is known for his endless confidence and stoic nature. He easily rallies others to his causes and has gained a reputation as a powerful soldier who bows to no one. He also has a strong sense of leadership modeled after his peers and those he looks up to. Alda is analytical by nature, doing what he can to get the upper hand in and out of battle. He reflects the Ancient Warrior of Fire’s time as a fighter during the war after he grew used to a life of combat. For Takuya, Alda is meant to reflect someone who Takuya came to admire and rely on throughout his youth (Chihiro).

Fire Collective

The Warriors of Fire get along well, though the most distant out of their group is easily Vritra, who tends to clash with Aguni while Alda acts as mediator. All of them can be endlessly stubborn at times, though Alda is the best at listening to the issues of others. Aguni is the best at imitating Takuya followed by Alda and then Vritra. Their prominence order is the same, though Vritra notably makes an appearance when they begin to suffer from dysphoria-induced struggles on the worst of days. Since they’re so similar, they both get along very well and clash simultaneously, leading to frequent shifts in dynamic depending on if their various senses of stubborn confidence get the better of them.

Warrior of Light

This collective includes Koji Minamoto, the current vessel of Light, and Lobo the Human Spirit, Garum the Beast Spirit, Beowolf the Hybrid, and Erocia the False Fusion. The body has perfect eyesight in lighted spaces but struggles in darker areas. Their temperature is naturally slightly higher than most humans. They gain strength in daylight and well-lit areas, and they rarely require sleep.

Koji

Koji dislikes interacting with others and prefers his own company. He is rather quiet, but when provoked, he can be sarcastic almost to the point of irritating those around him. He believes firmly that actions speak louder than words. Koji does possess communication issues though, and he’s prone to times of being snappish and angry when rubbed the wrong way. He struggles to convey his emotions, specifically sadness and grief, due to being forced to hide them from a young age. His actions show how closed-off he is, and he only relaxes around those he trusts.

Lobo

Lobo has an incredible sense of justice, always believing in what he finds to be right regardless of what others say. He’s a white knight of sorts, wanting to defend those who are unable to save themselves. He can be somewhat stubborn in his ideals, sometimes refusing to accept it when he’s wrong. He reflects the Ancient Warrior of Light’s wishes to keep the Digital World and its occupants safe from Lucemon’s tyranny. For Koji, Lobo personifies his stubborn wish to defend those he cares for. He is confident in his movements, refusing to bow or otherwise yield to anyone.

Garum

Garum acts as an ideal fighter of sorts, unbending in his loyalties. He’s somewhat reclusive, only showing his face when he has to. He’s somewhat distant from the world but possesses more than enough determination to make up for it. He manifests the Ancient Warrior of Light’s resolve to end the war following the death of most of his comrades. Garum also personifies Koji’s stoic mask that kept him from spiraling into despair throughout childhood, causing him to come off as a brick wall at times. He moves somewhat slowly and often makes uncomfortable eye contact with others.

Beowolf

Beowolf is fueled primarily by his emotions, and he’s incredibly caring for those who are suffering. He’s also empathetic beyond imagination and often offers others quiet motivation to keep them going even through difficult times. Beowolf can be swayed by his feelings at times, most notably when it comes to grief. He manifests the Ancient Warrior of Light’s sadness during the battle with Lucemon when his comrades fell in combat. He reflects Koji’s often excessive emotions as well, causing him to be a bit rash when it comes to jumping to conclusions. Beowolf moves fastest out of the group’s members and has the worst posture.

Erocia

Erocia, unlike many of the other Warriors, isn’t entirely a stable presence on his own. Instead, he’s the combined might of the Spirits of Light and Darkness, leaving him often unstable and difficult to predict. He’s rarely present, but he holds heavy emotions tied to grief and anger that cause him to look rather spaced out at a first glance since he tends to ignore the emotions to keep from being crushed by them. He doesn’t speak much either, preferring to keep to himself. Erocia may take control during times of extreme emotion or chaos since he can defend the others from suffering too much under the weight of negativity. He is incredibly protective of those around him, but Koichi in particular is a target for Erocia’s defensive nature.

Light Collective

The Warriors of Light are close for the most part, but Erocia is somewhat distant from the rest. Garum is the best when it comes to imitating Koji followed by Lobo, Beowolf, and Erocia, though there’s a wide gap between Garum and Lobo. Lobo is most prominent followed by Garum, Beowolf, and finally Erocia. Beowolf and Erocia tend to keep to themselves outside of times of extreme emotion, and Erocia very rarely appears unless he’s absolutely required to ensure that everyone else is kept safe. Erocia is prone to notable bouts of fear and anger, so the rest of the group tries to defend him to the best of their abilities.

Warrior of Ice

This collective includes Tomoki Himi, the current vessel of Ice, and Kuma the Human Spirit, Blizzar the Beast Spirit, and Daipen the Hybrid. The body is incredibly cold to the touch and immune to chilled temperatures. They cannot freeze either, and they feel at their best when in cooler environments.

Tomoki

Tomoki is on the shy side, easily made nervous and anxious by his surroundings. He longs to connect with others but is often too wrapped up in his own fears to actually reach out. He can be rather clingy at times because of how fiercely loyal he is to those who are able to earn his trust. Tomoki has issues with hiding his feelings as well, rarely expressing his pain until it is pushing him to the point of nearly breaking down. He has a heart of gold beneath all of this and hates hurting others. Tomoki moves quickly and often seems rather jittery.

Kuma

Kuma is free-spirited and laidback, uncaring as to the opinions of others. He simply wants to go through life at his own pace, and he doesn’t mind what others think of him along the way. Kuma’s connection to the Ancient Warrior of Ice is that he acts as a fragment of childhood and innocence. His link to Tomoki describes Kuma as the person that Tomoki would have been if not for his traumas, and as it is, Kuma acts so young and carefree to embody the childhood that Tomoki had taken from him. He is energetic and moves quickly with confidence.

Blizzar

Blizzar is careful and contemplative, often abandoning his connection with emotion to concentrate on survival. He’s rather quiet and enjoys reading and meditating. Blizzar acts as the manifestation of grief in the Ancient Warrior of Ice, representing his sadness when the war with Lucemon began to take the lives of Digimon. In Tomoki, he reflects the way that his host cut himself away from his emotions at times to keep from being harmed too heavily by his brother. Blizzar’s lack of emotional connection is a coping mechanism to balance out Tomoki’s overwhelming compassion. He walks slowly and heavily and often appears to be spaced out.

Daipen

Daipen is caring and gentle, handling every subject that comes his way with a certain degree of logic and emotion that balances out perfectly. He is the personification of the Ancient Warrior of Ice’s care towards the rest of his team during the war, and he is incredibly self-sacrificing, though he does understand his own limitations. Daipen acts as the older brother that Tomoki never had due to Yutaka’s treatment of him, and he is seamlessly able to ease Tomoki’s anxieties when he gets afraid or otherwise worked up. He is quiet and firm in his movements.

Ice Collective

The four Warriors of Ice get along rather well all in all, though there are occasional spats between Kuma and Blizzar due to them being polar opposites regarding emotions (all at once versus none at all). Kuma is the most prominent of them followed by Daipen and then Blizzar. Daipen is the best at pretending to be Tomoki where Kuma is the worst and Blizzar falls in between them. Kuma enjoys bright colors and exciting environments such as amusement parks and playgrounds, and he’s the most social of the three. Blizzar is rather defensive and keeps the group from getting into trouble. Daipen is the best at easing Tomoki’s fears, causing him to appear when paranoia hits a peak.

Warrior of Wind

This collective includes Izumi Orimoto, the current vessel of Wind, along with Kaze the Human Spirit, Zephyr the Beast Spirit, and Aero the Hybrid. The body has an incredible sense of hearing along with amazing stamina and speed. They have amazing lung capacity as well and feel strongest in windy areas.

Izumi

Izumi is a kind and caring person who prefers to keep to herself rather than interacting with others. She is naturally empathetic and often maintains a perfect mask of what she wants to show the world with a smile on her face. She wants to make sure that others are happy and isn’t above self-sacrifice to unhealthy extents to satisfy those around her. Izumi has an awful complex regarding perfection though, and she can be self-destructive in pursuit of her goals. She is known for consistently having a demure smile on her face.

Kaze

Kaze is confident and flirtatious in a way that not many others are. She’s playful and bold, often believing that everything will work out regardless of what is taking place. Kaze represents the Ancient Warrior of Wind in youth, nonchalant and laidback about the world around her. Kaze is a manifestation of Izumi’s ideals of the person she wishes that she could be. She possesses incredible optimism that she often uses to rally others into action. She is far more energetic than Izumi, and she moves and talks faster than anyone else in the collective.

Zephyr

Zephyr is detached and emotionless by comparison, the complete opposite of Kaze. She is self-assured and intelligent, but she can get a bit stubborn and wrapped in her own ideas of tough love. Zephyr reflects the Ancient Warrior of Wind when she was a general in the war against Lucemon, stern and unflinching. She is Izumi’s hidden pragmatism made real, a reflection of Izumi’s slipping faith in others following her years of struggling with an eating disorder. Zephyr’s gaze is always unbreaking when she is in control, and she generally seems scarier than usual.

Aero

Aero is soft-spoken and sympathetic, caring for others in a motherly way. She understands the emotions of others easily and is able to slip into the shoes of those around her seamlessly. Aero is a representation of the Warrior of Wind in her older years prior to the war when she shifted her overwhelming energy towards empathy. Aero represents Izumi’s deceased mother as well, and she acts as a natural caretaker. She is the best at pretending to be Izumi, but those who watch her carefully will notice that she walks slower than Izumi slightly.

Wind Collective

Izumi is the vessel for the Warrior of Wind, and she gets along rather well with the other three extensions of herself. Zephyr is the most prominent of the three easily due to the heavy ties Izumi and Zephyr formed when the latter took control after being discovered. However, it’s rare for Zephyr to actually take control unless she finds it to be necessary, instead being a constant close presence for Izumi. Kaze takes control most often followed by Aero and then Zephyr. Aero is the best at acting as Izumi followed by Kaze and finally Zephyr. Kaze prefers social situations to anything else, and Aero takes control when another person needs comfort that Izumi cannot provide.

Warrior of Thunder

This collective includes Junpei Shibayama, the current vessel of Thunder, and Blitz the Human Spirit, Bolg the Beast Spirit, and Thundra the Hybrid. The body is naturally charged with electricity, and they can charge technology if they hold it for long enough. When stressed, they emit small sparks and shock others, and they are immune to electrocution. They feel at their strongest when surrounded by technology or during storms.

Junpei

Junpei is deceptively cheerful around others, showing off his true nature from the very beginning. He’s open about the sort of person that he wants to be and the fact that he wants to make others smile. Despite this, Junpei possesses a strange sense of nihilism, believing that he should be loyal to himself since there’s a chance that nobody else ever will be. He also has anger issues that stem from his self-loathing and inability to satisfy those around him. Junpei moves slowly and often shows off his awful posture.

Blitz

Blitz is a people-pleaser who longs to satisfy those around him. He’s openly very cheerful and enjoys teasing others, almost as if he doesn’t know how to stop smiling. Blitz goes with the flow most of the time and often encourages the mischief of others. He’s the manifestation of the Ancient Warrior of Thunder’s hope for the world. In Junpei, Blitz is an ideal that Junpei wishes he could achieve. He often moves quickly and seems to always be smiling in an over-the-top and goofy way that attracts the attention of others.

Bolg

Bolg is, in a word, volatile. He’s very easily pushed over the edge by the words of others, and he’s incredibly defensive of those around him. He’s not above getting explosive in his anger when it comes to protecting himself and others. Bolg has good intentions but can go too far at times due to the strength of his emotions. He’s somewhat nihilistic, knowing that everything ends sooner or later. He represents the Ancient Warrior of Thunder’s anger at Lucemon for harming the innocent. In Junpei, Bolg reflects and protects from extreme moments of upset. His steps are heavy and often perceived as aggressive even without harsh intentions.

Thundra

Thundra is an incredibly curious soul who longs to learn more about the world around him. He loves tinkering around with small devices, and he is absolutely fascinated by various obscure inventions. Thundra has an amazing mind and always longs to do something productive and creative. He’s the Ancient Warrior of Steel’s creativity and ambition from the war that helped him to survive. Where Junpei is concerned, Thundra is the manifestation of Junpei’s coping mechanisms when he was left on his own. He moves quickly and seems unable to sit still. He also has a wide vocabulary that differs from the others in the Thunder category.

Thunder Collective

The group of four gets along well, but when there are occasional arguments, chances are they are between Bolg and Blitz since they utilize their excessive emotional capacity in different ways. Blitz is the best at acting like Junpei followed by Thundra and finally Bolg. Blitz is most prominent, and Bolg comes after him leaving Thundra last. They tend to do more talking under their breath than the rest of the Legendary Warriors because of their general banter being constant. All of them are talkative to some extent, leaving them to hold extended conversations with one another when left alone.

Warrior of Darkness

This collective includes Koichi Kimura, the current vessel of Darkness, and Lowe the Human Spirit, Umbra the Beast Spirit, Rhihi the Hybrid, Dusk the False Human Spirit, Velge the False Beast Spirit, Malkako the False Hybrid, and Erocia, the False Fusion. The body is slightly colder than others, and they possess perfect vision in the dark while struggling to see in overly bright areas. They regain strength when in darker areas.

Koichi

Koichi is unsure of how to interact with others due to his fear of reaching out and making a connection. He fears being a burden on others, causing him to retreat into his shell when he feels that others are trying to get too close to him. Koichi is immensely kind and curious though, and he will do what he can to cheer up those around him without getting too close. He is shy and sweet, and even though he’s introverted, he is rarely hated due to his caring nature. Koichi is slow when he walks, and he often keeps his eyes locked on the ground.

Lowe

Lowe is on the introverted side, tending to keep to himself above all else. He’s quiet and takes a while to open up to people, but he possesses a gentle sense of charm that most others lack. He’s also positive and optimistic, there to soothe others enduring tough times. In the Ancient Warrior of Darkness, Lowe acts as a manifestation of the middle of his life when the war was going on but he did his best to remain optimistic. Lowe also reflects Koichi’s hope for life to get better in the future, and the two get along well due to their similar soft-spoken natures.

Umbra

Umbra is the quietest out of the Warriors of Darkness, rarely speaking unless he absolutely has to. He’s reclusive and chooses to keep to himself when he can. He’s starved for attention and, despite wanting to be around others, fears making connections with others. Umbra acts as the manifestation of grief for the Warrior of Darkness in the time leading up to his death. For Koichi, Umbra reflects how he would hide his problems out of hope to not inconvenience others. As such, Umbra holds considerable amounts of sadness and fear for the future.

Rhihi

Rhihi is upbeat and talkative, easily able to connect with anyone he comes into contact with. He has an endless sense of optimism and creativity, loving the arts and spending much of his time making anything that he can to get out his extra energy. In both the Ancient Warrior of Darkness and Koichi, Rhihi reflects childhood and the potential for infinite possibilities. Rhihi represents the way that Koichi would have been had he not been distrubed by his trauma from such a young age, and despite being the Warrior of Darkness, he rarely allows life to get him down.

Dusk

Dusk is honest to a fault, and he’s known to be rather confrontational. He speaks his mind regardless of how others will react, and he can be quick to anger, causing many to find him to be abrasive and harsh. Dusk is not a manifestation of the Ancient Warrior of Darkness since he originates from the corruption of the Spirits of Darkness, so he only holds memories of Koichi’s past. In Koichi’s case, Dusk represents his anger towards his father, and Dusk absolutely despises Kousei despite Koichi’s (albeit hesitant) attempts to make amends with him.

Velge

Velge has a reputation for being anxious and easily unsettled. Nearly anything out of the ordinary will upset Velge and send him into a panic, often leaving him defensive and agitated. He sometimes goes to unsettling lengths to feel secure in a situation, and he chooses to not interact with people unless he deems them safe. Much like Duskmon, Velge holds no memories from an Ancient Legendary Warrior. Instead, Velge acts as a manifestation of Koichi’s insecurities brought on by his unorthodox upbringing, and Velge makes sure that everyone is able to survive when times get tough.

Malkako

Malkako is confrontational and angry much like Dusk, though he doesn’t ever seem to need a reason to be upset unlike Dusk, instead carrying himself with an aura that makes him seem dangerous. He chooses to not spend time with others when he can. While Malkako is open to speaking with those he finds to be safe, it takes a lot to reach this level, and he’s a harsh judge of character. He holds no Ancient Legendary Warrior’s memories. Malkako holds Koichi’s desires to be cared for by his father, so he has a strong grudge against Kousei just like Dusk.

Erocia

The fragment of Erocia that Koichi holds is completely different from Koji’s half. This version is rather soft-spoken and doesn’t talk a majority of the time. He is similar in appearance to the other variation of Erocia, always seeming to be off in a world of his own. Erocia holds immense sensations of sadness and fear, specifically the fear of death. He prefers to write as opposed to speaking, and he can very easily be pushed too far by the words of others. He is distant from most others out of his own paranoia, but he feels a certain connection to Koji due to the two halves of Erocia caring about each other even from afar.

Darkness Collective

Despite the varying personalities found in the Darkness Collective, they do get along rather well and rarely get into full-on arguments with one another. They make up for one another’s weaknesses and look after each other when times get tough. In order of prominence, the list is Lowe, Umbra, Rhihi, Velge, Dusk, Malkako, and Erocia. When it comes to imitating Koichi, the best is Lowe, followed by Umbra, Erocia, Velge, Rhihi, Dusk, and then Malkako. This group is the least open to trusting new people, and it takes a long time to earn the full confidence of any member of the group, much less each Warrior of Darkness. They are all notably defensive over Erocia, and they fear death above all else.

Warrior of Earth

This collective includes Chihiro Ayumu, the current vessel of Earth, along with Aeoel the Human Spirit, Cybele the Beast Spirit, and Yaia the Hybrid. The body has perfect balance and cannot be knocked over. They can smell better than most others and possess immense physical strength and stamina. They feel best when outdoors in particularly rocky environments.

Chihiro

Chihiro generally keeps to themselves out of a pessimistic belief that the world is a difficult place to be in. They are incredibly stubborn about remaining detached from the rest of the world, often ignoring their issues until they blow up in their face. Chihiro is rather snarky and sarcastic, using jokes as a way to keep people from getting too close. They are independent but struggle to rely on others, and they can be rather temperamental when rubbed the wrong way. They walk with detached confidence as a way of silently keeping others at bay.

Aeoel

Aeoel is known for being snappish and almost rude at times, and they are blunt and honest in all situations. Their number one priority is self-preservation, and if they have to resort to being mean to do it, they will. They are caring deep down, but they prefer not to let emotions interfere with their work. They act as a bearer of trauma for the Ancient Warrior of Earth, recalling the life or death nature of the battle against Lucemon and the pain that came with the deaths of their comrades. For Chihiro, they are a defender who prevents others from crossing any lines. They walk roughly and heavily and have a broody aura about them.

Cybele

Cybele is defensive in the same way that a caretaker is, and they care greatly for the other members of their collective. Despite their stoic nature, they act similar to a parent to the others found within the collective, doing what they must in order to keep everything running smoothly in and out of the group. Cybele represents the Ancient Warrior of Earth from times of chaos during the war when they worked to help others above all else. For Chihiro, Cybele is meant to act as something that they never had: parental connection. As such, they look after their host as they would their own child.

Yaia

Yaia has a strong sense of charisma and leadership, knowing how to get the attention of others and use it to their advantage. Despite having a laid back and casual personality, they know how to get down to business when needed, and they use their endless confidence to rally the spirits of those around them. Yaia acts as what the Warrior of Earth was before the war, always looking on the bright side and believing that everything would work out fine despite evidence to the contrary. For Chihiro, Yaia is meant to represent an ideal that they always wanted to reach, and they're incredibly similar to Chihiro’s best friend from childhood (Takuya).

Earth Collective

The Warriors of Earth rarely get into disputes with one another and act as a family of sorts. Even though Aeoel and Yaia are polar opposites in many respects, they still get along well and look after one another through thick and thin. When there are issues among the members of the group, Cybele takes on the role of a mediator and calms things down before anything can go too far or cause serious damage to their relationships. Aeoel is the most prominent out of the group’s members, and Yaia follows them while Cybele takes up the rear. The order is the same as far as imitating Chihiro is concerned as well. Despite what one would expect, it takes a while to earn their trust as a whole, though Yaia is the most open to accepting the good found in others.

Warrior of Wood

This collective includes Yumiko Mihara, the current vessel of Wood, and Fiore the Human Spirit, Calanthe the Beast Spirit, and Lyseir the Hybrid. The body possesses a natural ability to ease the worries of others, eliminating panic easily. They have a natural green thumb as well and can talk to plants in a limited capacity. They feel best when outdoors in areas with many plants.

Yumiko

Yumiko is rather shy and reclusive, preferring to spend time alone rather than with others. She has an incredible sense of compassion that can overwhelm her if she isn’t careful. She tends to repress her emotions rather than expressing them out of a wish to not inconvenience others. Yumiko is naturally graceful and elegant as well, easily earning the trust of others even if she isn’t enthusiastic to hand out faith of her own. She possesses a naturally calming presence. Yumiko tends to somewhat hide herself when in control, rarely making eye contact unless she trusts the other party greatly.

Fiore

Fiore is a dreamer above all else, tending to drift through life without a care in the world. She is a wonderful dancer and always seems to be moving rhythmically or humming a song. Fiore is a representation of the Ancient Warrior of Wood’s past as a performer prior to the fighting starting. She also acts as a manifestation of the person Yumiko was prior to her trauma. Fiore glides everywhere that she goes, and she has a relaxing aura that can almost put others to sleep. She’s also an incredible singer, putting even Yumiko, another talented performer, to shame.

Calanthe

Calanthe is incredibly shy and tends to avoid speaking with people where possible. She’s very easy to overwhelm and absolutely detests being touched. She enjoys writing poetry and taking care of plants and animals, operating under the logic that none of those things can hurt her. Calanthe is the manifestation of trauma and grief from the Ancient Warrior of Wood, leaving her as a hollow shell of her former self. She’s the embodiment of Yumiko’s fears, prompting her to be easily frightened and agitated by Yumiko’s triggers involving assault. She moves quickly in an attempt to keep from being touched and speaks softly and carefully, sometimes stammering if she’s particularly nervous.

Lyseir

Lyseir is proud and firm in herself, possessing a confidence that many others lack. She exudes an aura of pure power, the type of boldness found only on the battlefield. She can be rather morbid without meaning to, saying something casually tragic like it’s nothing due to her experience in combat. Lyseir personifies the Ancient Warrior of Wood’s battlefield prowess and preparedness from the early days of the war with Lucemon. In Yumiko, Lyseir is an ideal companion, the type of person who can defend her from anything negative. She walks confidently and at her own pace, making others wait for her rather than the other way around.

Wood Collective

The group rarely argues, if ever, possessing incredible skills of communication that allow them to easily understand each other. Fiore is the most prominent followed by Lyseir and finally Calanthe. Fiore is also the best at pretending to be Yumiko, but Calanthemon is second in this category, leaving Lyseir last. Lyseir protects everyone in times of turmoil while Fiore cheers them up in dark moments. Calanthe soothes the group similarly to Fiore, but her primary job is to keep Yumiko from giving in to her overpowering empathy and spiraling as a result.

Warrior of Water

This collective includes Hinoka Sakatami, the current vessel of Water, and Oceania the Human Spirit, Aquaria the Beast Spirit, and Cerulea the Hybrid. The body can see, breathe, and hear perfectly underwater, leaving them immune to drowning. They feel at their strongest when in the presence of water, and they heal quickly when completely submerged in liquid. They also enjoy rainy weather.

Hinoka

Hinoka is gentle and jittery, often keeping others away out of a fear of getting hurt. She is open about her anxiety and doesn’t even try to hide it when she’s struggling. Hinoka finds herself to be weak and longs to be strong without being nervous over how others feel about her. She is incredibly emotional both for herself and others, but she has a lot of compassionate energy that doesn’t seem to have a place to go. Hinoka is very kind as well, almost to the point of naivete. She moves quickly and awkwardly, and she often seems rather jumpy.

Oceania

Oceania is a shy and soft-spoken person, and she struggles greatly with anxiety and the fear that comes with being around others. She takes a long time to open up to others, believing that it’s rare for other people to be worthy of hearing about her struggles. In the Warrior of Water, Oceania acts as a manifestation of youth from before she had a sense of confidence and struggled greatly with self-esteem. For Hinoka, Oceania holds anxiety and fear, and Oceania bears part of Hinoka’s trauma so that the vessel of the system doesn’t have to. She speaks the least out of the group’s members.

Aquaria

Aquaria is described by many as the manifestation of strength, rarely allowing the words of others to get to her. She has an undying sense of confidence and faith in herself, and she helps out others with a heart that many would describe as endlessly noble. For the Warrior of Water, Aquaria reflects her personality during the war when she completed her journey of self-discovery and set out to aid those who were struggling under the weight of the fighting. For Hinoka, Aquaria is an ideal that she longs to reach but finds to be impossible, leading to Hinoka admiring the Beast Spirit of Water greatly.

Cerulea

Cerulea has a maternal aura that allows her to easily connect to others. Many find her to be easy to trust, and she is seen as a shoulder to cry on when times grow to be difficult. She has a naturally soothing presence to counteract the stress placed on other members of the group. For the Ancient Warrior of Water, Cerulea acts as the halfway point between Oceania and Aquaria when she was focusing on finding herself in the final days leading up to the battle with Lucemon. In Hinoka’s case, Cerulea is the mother figure that Hinoka always wanted but never got due to her mother’s various personality flaws.

Water Collective

All four of the Warriors of Water are very close, and they rely on each other through thick and thin. They never get into arguments since they simply understand one another well and know how to talk out issues when they arise. Since they can soothe one another’s anxieties well, the Warriors of Water help to ensure that Hinoka doesn’t fall apart under her issues with stress, greatly improving their shared quality of life and mitigating the impacts of severe anxiety and depression. Oceania is the best at imitating while Aquaria is the worst, leaving Cerulea to rest in the middle. Prominence is a different story entirely though, and Cerulea is the most prominent most of the time followed by Aquaria and then Oceania.

Warrior of Steel

This collective includes Saki Fushida, the current vessel of Steel, and Lyra the Human Spirit, Onyx the Beast Spirit, Aeris the Hybrid, Seraphi the Hope Celestial, Ophani the Light Celestial, and Cherubi the Destiny Celestial. The body can read minds and move small objects, though the ability is limited and can induce severe migraines if care is not used. They can also touch electronics and immediately access the data contained within. Their memory is also above average. They feel best when the presence of excessive amounts of metal.

Saki

Saki is a distant strategist, always wanting to find the best solution to a situation. They care about survival more than anything else, and they refuse to hurt others unless the person in question is a threat to Saki or those around them. They hide their emotions as a defense mechanism, unwilling to show weakness in case those they distrust exploit it. Saki struggles to open up to others, but their intelligence and quick thinking is second to none. They always move with a purpose, shoulders pressed back and watching everyone critically to frighten those who may pose a threat to them.

Lyra

Lyra is emotionless at a first glance, always viewing situations from a pragmatic and logical eye. They have an incredible natural feel for tactics and strategy, and they often notice even the smallest actions and note what they mean about a person. Lyra is the manifestation of the Ancient Warrior of Steel during the war against Lucemon, reflecting their stoicism as the team’s strategist. For Saki, Lyra is the embodiment of a wish for survival, and they will do anything to ensure that prolonged safety is secured. They move stiffly and tend to glare without meaning to.

Onyx

Onyx has immense ambition and a powerful sense of what is right and wrong. They want to defend those who have been hurt by others, and they detest those who misuse their positions of power to harm those around them. They act as a defender of the weak when given the chance. Onyx reflects the Ancient Warrior of Steel’s righteous anger at Lucemon and others who willingly inflict pain on others. In Saki, Onyx acts as an idol figure who will keep them safe from the pain that others have caused them. They move quickly and with purpose.

Aeris

Aeris is easily the most passionate and emotional out of the Warriors of Steel. They fully understand the wide range of emotion and how to properly utilize it. They are a strong leader and know how to appeal to both the emotional and logical sides of others. Aeris is the personification of the Ancient Warrior of Steel at their peak before their death when they acted as the leader of the Legendary Warriors. In Saki, Aeris embodies the feelings that Saki spent many years repressing and ignoring in favor of control. Aeris moves with a sense of casual authority.

Seraphi

Seraphi is the personable type, and he excels in strategy as well. He’s caring as well, believing that all creatures are deserving of care. He has a fatherly aura, and he often attempts to understand the perspectives of others. Seraphi has an interest in reading. Since he is not a direct Legendary Warrior, Seraphi does not embody anything in the Ancient Warrior of Steel or Saki. Instead, he simply holds all of the memories of Seraphimon from the Digital World after Saki scanned his memory data. He walks with an air of authority.

Ophani

Ophani is charismatic and confident, knowing what she wants and how to get it. She’s elegant and tends to attract the admiration of others without even trying. She’s a natural leader and can easily get others on her side regardless of the situation. Ophani cares greatly for those around her and will do what she can to cheer them up when possible. She is not connected to an Ancient Legendary Warrior or Saki, instead only manifesting as the memories of Ophanimon prior to Saki’s scanning of her data. She is known to have a motherly aura.

Cherubi

Cherubimon is the shyest and most reclusive out of the Celestial Three. He tends to keep to himself and is rather passive. He dislikes conflict but suffers from an awful sense of paranoia that can leave him worried and anxious. Cherubi wants the best for others but isn’t the best when it comes to expressing his emotions. He lacks a connection to an Ancient Legendary Warrior, and he isn’t linked to Saki either. Instead, he holds the memories of Cherubimon from before he was scanned. He moves slowly and avoids eye contact.

Steel Collective

There are rarely issues of dispute between the members of the Steel group. Lyra is most prominent in the group followed by Aeris, Onyx, Ophani, Seraphi, and finally Cherubi. Aeris is the best at acting in Saki’s place followed by Lyra, Onyx, Ophani, Seraphi, and Cherubi. The Celestial Three are nowhere near as prominent as the Warriors of Steel, often preferring to stick to their own devices. There is communication among all of them, but the Celestial Three spend more time with each other than the Warriors of Steel when push comes to shove.

Warrior of Energy

This collective includes Mayumi Reiku, the current vessel of Energy, and Kiris the Human Spirit, Sheyu the Beast Spirit, and Aether the Hybrid. The body is naturally energetic and can operate incredibly well even under stressful circumstances. They also have incredible speed and can sense the chaos and energy found inside a person. They can give limited doses of energy to those around them, and they feel at their strongest along other energetic people.

Mayumi

Mayumi has more energy than she knows what to do with, and she’s incredibly chipper. She’s incredibly optimistic and has a natural way of rallying others to look at the bright side of a situation. She often takes risks without thinking the consequences through, leading to her being somewhat clumsy and disorganized. Mayumi has a short attention span as well, but she always puts her heart into something when it captures her full focus, and she’s filled to the brim with love. She moves quickly and practically never stops moving, always fidgeting with a small toy if she can.

Kiris

Kiris is an unapologetic trickster who doesn’t care what others think of her in the slightest. She’s hyperactive and bubbly, and she almost never stops moving. She has a strong sense of humor and always knows just how to cheer others up. Kiris acts as the manifestation of the Ancient Warrior of Energy’s youngest years before she found a purpose with her allies. For Mayumi, Kiris reflects childhood and optimism prior to when Mayumi suffered abuse at the hands of her mother. Kiris moves similarly to Mayumi, but she never stops smiling regardless of the situation.

Sheyu

Sheyu is rather somber and expresses guilt and detachment from the rest of the world. She fears being a burden and wants to be as productive as can be for the sake of satisfying others. Sheyu is an extreme contrast from the others under the Energy name and is calm and self-deprecating by comparison. For the Ancient Warrior of Energy, Sheyu is the manifestation of guilt prior to her betrayal of her allies to side with Lucemon. In Mayumi, Sheyu holds negative emotions regarding the way that Mayumi was treated and cast aside throughout childhood. Sheyu moves and talks far slower than anyone else in the group.

Aether

Aether is confident and outgoing, putting her all into the subjects that she cares for. She is charming and can be a bit of a flirt at times, playing around with others as a way of getting them where she wants. Aether cares for those around her though, and she wants to keep them safe. She manifests the Ancient Warrior of Energy’s endless love for the rest of her team. As far as Mayumi is concerned, Aether is a protective figure, the type that Mayumi idolized for being strong throughout her youth. She walks the fine line between Kiris’ speed and Sheyu’s slowness when it comes to movements.

Energy Collective

The four get along well and bounce off each other rather well. They know how to lift one another up when they’re down, taking their unique perspectives and helping one another through them. Kiris is the best at imitating Mayumi followed by Aether and then Sheyu. The order of prominence is the same, starting with Kiris before shifting to Aether and finally Sheyu. During negative times, Sheyu’s prominence rises because she’s closer to Mayumi when she has an awful issue with her mental health. They talk to themselves a lot since they’re mostly energetic and upbeat.

Warrior of Cosmos

This collective includes Haroi Tsurumaki, the current vessel of Cosmos, and Orion the Human Spirit, Cygnus the Beast Spirit, and Sirius the Hybrid. The body is usually calm and also operates well despite outside stressors. They have an amazing capacity for knowledge and an incredible memory. They are drawn to areas of peace and can sense a person’s balance. They naturally calm those around them without needing to try. They feel best in spaces far from others, especially if the sky is easily visible.

Haroi

Haroi is relaxed and calm, always thinking through every situation that comes his way. He’s logical and quiet, preferring to observe rather than act. He enjoys seeing the people that he loves happy more than anything else, and he’ll do what he can to cheer them up. Haroi often worries about bothering others though, and he sometimes makes excuses when others hurt him due to his low self-esteem. He tends to get caught up in his head a bit much at times, causing him to often stay within the confines of his comfort zone. He’s focused when in control, and he can be spotted due to his habits of people watching.

Orion

Orion is endlessly curious about the world around him, and he tends to talk to himself almost constantly. He yearns to figure out more about how various things work, and he loves fiddling with both technology and scientific subjects, though astrology is his favorite topic for obvious reasons. In the Ancient Warrior of Cosmos, Orion shows off how he behaved in his youth before the war disturbed his years of development. Orion is a manifestation of how Haroi would have acted if not for his trauma as well with Orion showing signs of being outgoing despite Haroi’s introverted nature.

Cygnus

Cygnus is the most outgoing out of the members of the group, and he isn’t afraid to speak his mind, though he’s always careful to be respectful to those around him. He has endless energy and practically never stops moving and spending time with others unless he hits the point of crashing. He’s the best at handling social situations since everyone else in his collective is so shy. For the Ancient Warrior of Cosmos, Cygnus reflects the charisma and respect he needed as a general in the early days as a war. For Haroi, Cygnus is an ideal that he wishes he could reach, causing him to admire Cygnus greatly.

Sirius

Sirius is introverted and quiet, greatly enjoying reading and writing in his free time. He is more than content with his own company despite easily getting along with others. He is also analytical and logical, easily able to find answers to puzzles that have no solutions at a first glance. For the Ancient Warrior of Cosmos, Sirius is a manifestation of a need for self-preservation born of the war’s existence, something that ultimately led to the Warrior of Cosmos turning traitor before being killed by Lucemon. For Haroi, Sirius holds negative memories of the past, most notably those involving his insecurity after his mother abandoned him.

Cosmos Collective

The members of the Cosmos Collective mesh well and are easily able to communicate their problems thanks to their desire to avoid long-running conflict. Even though most of them are quiet, Cygnus still gets along with the other members of the group, always willing to pull them out of their shell when they need it most while still respecting their boundaries. Sirius is the best at pretending to be Haroi followed by Orion and finally Cygnus. On the other hand, Cygnus is the most prominent with Orion in the middle and Sirius at the end of the list. They all share love of the world around them, and they have a common hobby in stargazing due to their elemental affinity.

Warrior of Heaven

The Warrior of Heaven refers to the combined might of all of the Legendary Warriors when placed together. They share fragmented memories of Susanoo, the Warrior of Heaven, and Luce, the Angel of Hell, that grow stronger when they are near one another.

Even when separated, the Warriors all share similar passive effects on their bodies. They are able to understand animals when they focus enough due to their inherent connection to nature. They develop muscle faster than normal humans as well, and they rarely tire despite their differing levels of stamina. The Warriors can all sense one another’s presence as well, and they can temporarily indulge in the passive abilities of the others if they put enough effort towards it. Being able to sense one another and use the abilities of the others are both side effects of becoming Susanoomon and merging to become one being temporarily. These effects are all permanent.

Susanoo

Susanoo has a strong sense of justice and is very rarely deterred by any of the ups and downs of life. They are eternally confident and get along with others well. While all of the members of the group hold fragments of Susanoo that reflect their power and loyalty through their own personalities, the strength of Susanoo grows when they are together. They are all bound by Susanoo’s thread between them, and while Susanoo lacks the ability to take control, the various Legendary Warriors are able to share thoughts when they are close enough physically as a full group of twelve. Susanoo is characterized by all of the group’s members talking in sync, though this is incredibly rare.

Luce

Luce is the complete opposite of Susanoo. Rather than being passionate and confident, Luce is detached and quiet, rarely finding interaction with others to be worth their time. Unlike the Digimon they are based on, Luce isn’t downright malicious, instead simply choosing to keep to themselves. Since they are scattered into fragments across the Legendary Warriors, Luce is nowhere near as prominent as the others, and they even lack strength in comparison to Susanoo. When Luce is in control, the group also talks in sync, though this is even rarer to see than Susanoo being in full dominion of the Warrior of Heaven.

Heaven Collective

As a whole, the Legendary Warriors have a powerful dynamic, something that can be shown through their connections of Susanoo and Luce. Susanoo is the stronger out of the two by far, and their sense of justice can be seen in all twelve of the Legendary Warriors thanks to the time when they united as the Warrior of Heaven. Luce is benevolent and quiet, though since they are less open with their emotions, they tend to slip between the cracks. The prerequisites for the members of the Heaven Collective to appear and take control are already notably difficult to overcome, causing Luce to be widely unheard and unseen.

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o-wise-corvid · 4 years ago

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Oooookay guys! Here’s the prologue to my little fic idea. It’s um... it’s gonna be depressing okay so if you can’t handle some gut wrenching emotionals, leave this for another day. I really hope y’all like it and I’m gonna try to get at least one update in a week. Anyhoo. Enjoy.

People who were wanting more: @captainrexisboo @clonetrooperrights @koskareevesismyqueen @gospelofme @jgvfhl @ct-27-fives @pro-fangirls-unsocial-life

TAGS: PG-13 tops/mention of deaths/battle trauma/PTSD/ nightmares/ self-loathing thoughts/ um... If y’all see something else I need to tag, holler. Oh and if ya wanna reblog, go right ahead.

Prologue- Captain Cody

A varactyl death scream. The echoing sounds of blaster fire. His own voice repeated over and over, bellowing orders, shrieking in pain. He watched the Jedi fall. Obi-Wan turned himself over in midair, determined to survive. The commander’s arm was still lifted in the kill order gesture, two fingers pointing at the target. His arm. “Blast him.” Words formed easily by his mouth while the inside of his head screamed, fighting his own bones and muscles.

Cody’s eyes snapped open and he cried out wordlessly, relieved to find himself in his bunk, shrouded in the dark, legs twisted up in sweat damp covers. He lay still, trying to bring his breathing under control.

“Captain?” The black protocol droid that had been assigned to his quarters snapped to life and turned hollow, yellow visual sensors toward him.

“It’s fine, Sixthree.” His voice sounded ragged in the hollow, stuffy echo of the room.

Cody sat up, swinging his legs over the side of his bunk with a groan. His hips and lower back protested, popping as he moved. He was getting old and feeling it. Standing, Cody shuffled to the refresher and braced himself on the little sink that stood directly opposite the door. The squared off, slightly warped mirror betrayed more than his body ever could.

His hair was silvered at the temples and around the back of his head, thinning up top. He’d been considering going totally bald for a while now. Just to be done with it. Wrinkles spread out from his eyes in webs, carving furrows from his nose and down the sides of his mouth, creasing his forehead. The scar framing his left eye was more like a crevice now, pulling his eyelid down a little. His body wasn’t as lithe and flexible as it had once been, though he’d like to see one of the fit new Shinies take on a spider droid up next to him.

“You look rough, Trooper.” And then he smiled dryly at himself, scratching the stubble on his chin and cheeks absently.

A sick ache left from the dream curdled in his guts and he splashed some lukewarm water on his face. The memories of the Order didn’t seem like they would ever ease. The hatred of what he’d done followed him like a shadow, literally everywhere he looked, the result of his contribution to the Galactic Empire slapped him across the face as if on purpose. The monster had risen from the seeds sown by what most people now called The Clone Wars and it was huge, dark and ugly.

Obi-Wan. Cody gave an audible hiss at the thought of his name. The Jedi had been his friend, had saved his life, and how had he been repaid? With a watery grave, a shot in the back from his own Troopers. Guilt, old and familiar made him tighten his grip on the sink, the flimsy plastisteel groaning under the force he exerted. There’d not been a man in he galaxy that Cody had respected more and a faint glimmer of hope that his actions now would’ve made The Negotiator... what, proud? Not hate him because of what he’d done, the way he did in many other nightmares that made the regular circuit of his fitful dreams.

Cody wasn’t sure. He walked around, issued order about keeping the destroyer he’d been charged with floating, and trained new recruits when he wasn’t looking fierce. Recruits?! Stupid little kids that thought they could ever match the ferocity and skill of Clones. His brothers. There were so few of them left anymore, all spread around, trying to imprint their abilities on people who were not bread to war and battle. It was such numb-skulled concept. The Empire wanted the effectiveness of Clones but didn’t want to keep making them.

“Captain Cody.”

That voice brought him to attention. It was Vader. A chill crept over his scalp and down his spine until it sank into his feet, turning them into blocks of ice. Cody crossed to the communication display that took up most of the living quarter’s space. Vader’s head and shoulders loomed, huge and eclipsing, angular mask staring at him indifferently. He snapped to attention, uncaring that he was only in the black bottoms that he wore under his armor. “Lord Vader.”

The head inclined slightly in acknowledgement. Just after the end of the Wars, Vader had caught him in this state before and when he didn’t address the fact that Cody was naked to the waist and obviously just getting out of bed, Cody realized that Vader either tolerated it, doubtful, or simply didn’t care. He had no idea who Vader was underneath the armor and cape, but his suspicions leant toward a former Jedi. Who in the Force that might’ve been, he had absolutely no clue. The man knew soldiers though and he didn’t antagonize those who did their job and did it well. One thing he knew though was that he didn’t want to get on Vader’s bad side. Cody had betrayed his Jedi against his will, but this man... this man was something else. If former Jedi he was, Vader had slain and hunted his brethren until the mention of them was all but forbidden. If he knew soldiers, then he’d been in command. And there were only a handful of Jedi who had actually led troops, none of whom Cody could stomach the thought of becoming the beast that was Darth Vader.

“Your presence is required in the training yard. I have a new assignment for you.”

“As you wish, my Lord.” Cody answered automatically, without inflection. It was the way a Clone still under the control of the chip would sound like and Cody was careful to hold himself in that tight pattern, not allowing the facade to slip for even a second. If they knew, if anyone so much as suspected...

But his life was cheap at this point and if he had to die, trying to keep an eye on the Empire was a good use of what little time he had left.

He dressed quickly after Vader ended the transmission. His armor was not dissimilar from that which he’d worn nearly all his life, except black was the main color rather than white. It did look nicer, the shiny plastoid gleaming darkly with his signature bright yellow-gold accents. He bore the rank of Captain now, which was more decorative than anything, but even after all these years, Cody felt most comfortable with the weight of his armor encapsulating him. The Imperial insignia across his chest soured that comfortable feeling though.

Vader was waiting for him in the training yard, a thrumming shadow with the breath of a sleeping giant, waiting to reach out and crush anything it decided deserved a slow, strangling death. He was well over six feet tall and made Cody feel like he was looking up into the mouth of some enraged, ravenous beast. But he snapped to, saluted and stood at attention with practiced and even graceful fluidity.

“Captain,” Vader greeted smoothly, stepping to the side. His long cape shifted to reveal a... little girl? Cody’s eyes flicked down at her, seeing the naked terror on her face and it was all he could do not to tilt his head to let her know he was looking at her.

“This child is a force wielder, Captain. She lacks the ability to become as powerful as myself or even as the Jedi who you once served beside, but her talents can be used for the Empire’s service. You will train her in hand to hand combat. Your service record reflects the type of master she will require to be of use to us.”

“Yes sir,” Cody chirped, hoping his voice didn’t betray his total shock at what was happening. “She will... stay with me?”

“She will stay wherever you deem fit. Do not coddle her, Captain.” The command dripped menace and Cody fought the urge to swallow nervously.

“Of course not, my Lord. She will learn or she will die.” The little girl flinched at the word, glancing between the two faceless men. Vader nodded pointedly and left, the cape billowing behind him like a storm, not sparing a further considering moment for the little girl.

“Follow me.” Cody made sure his voice carried an acidic growl loud enough for anyone within earshot to register.

The girl gave a start and then obeyed. Her eyes were huge and dark, dirty and tangled black curls spilling around her face. Her skin would’ve been dark, possibly the same shade as his, had she not been leeched with cold and fright, her hands balled into tight little fists that she kept pressed to her chest.

He led her to his quarters, unsure of where else he was even supposed to take her. No one so much as glanced at them as the odd duo passed through the monstrous ship and Cody wondered if it was out of fear or apathy. Once they were inside, Cody ordered the protocol droid to go find some clothes that would fit the girl and bring in some food for her. The chattery clanker hurried off to do his bidding and Cody locked the door behind it. Then, he turned to look at the little girl.

What was he supposed to do now? Training older teenagers and grown adults was one thing. But a kid? A kid who’d been ripped from her family and tossed on a Star Destroyer with an old Clone, no less. Where was she from? What had happened to her? What must be happening inside her head right now...

“What’s your name?”

She blinked up at him, fear and anger making her eyes over bright, not answering. Instead, she made a frightened little noise and stepped back from him, glancing around for somewhere to escape. She was so scared, so lost. The sight of her did something unspeakable to Cody’s heart and he fought the urge to just scoop her up and hold her. Kids shouldn’t be experiencing this. They should be at home, with family, with people who could provide for them and protect them. This was so wrong. So cruel.

“Hey, hey, no...” Cody hesitated and then slowly removed his helmet, remembering an incident with Waxer and Boil on Ryloth in what felt like another lifetime. The helmets were scary back then; he probably looked like some sort of predator to her. Sinking down on one knee slowly, he leveled his eyes with hers, hoping not to further terrify his new charge. “I’m Cody. I’m not gonna hurt you, little one. But if you’re gonna survive this, you’re gonna have to trust me.”

She stared at him, breathing hard. There was no way he could get her off the ship and back to safety; her home was probably a crater by now, wherever it was.

“I... come here.” He reached for the blanket crumpled on his bed and tugged it free. “I know it’s cold. You’ll get used to it. Especially once we get you some decent clothes.” He opened it up to her, inviting her to take it. She didn’t. The dark, wide eyes watched him, tears spilling over and down her cheeks. Cody didn’t expect to feel a lump form in his own throat but there it was.

And that was when the world of Trooper CC-2224 shifted.

Something clicked, almost audibly, inside Cody’s head and the running, yowling script of “How am I supposed to do this?” halted, erased itself and was replaced with one firm sentence: “I’m going to do this.” Because of course he was. There wasn’t another option. He might’ve betrayed the Jedi, he might be still serving the Empire despite having slowly but surely shrugged out from under the control of the chip in his brain, but he was not going to just allow this little girl to suffer if he could possibly help it. For all his failings, for all his regret and self-hatred, this little girl could be the one thing that he finally got right. She needed a family, a protector, a provider... well... she had one. If this was coddling, then he guessed he’d just have to make his peace with disobeying a direct order, come what may. There really wasn’t any other choice.

“It’s okay, precious. I’m not-“ His breath left him as the girl flung herself at him. He wondered for a split second if maybe his epiphany had somehow shown through on his face as the girl’s momentum sent him rocking backward a little. It didn’t really matter though. This was where he realized he wanted her, safe and wrapped up in his arms. The relief of being able to comfort her somehow bled the strength out of him like a wound and he sat down with a weary sigh.

Skinny arms clutched around his neck and the cries of a child who had seen and felt too much too soon tore the air the quiet room. They stabbed at his chest, sounding too much like the green varactyl as it had fallen. “Easy, easy,” Cody tried, eyes stinging. He let the little girl cling to him as hard as she wanted, rubbing her bony back soothingly. He wanted to say something, to find the magic word that would make the pain that was this small creature lessen. But there were none, he realized as he swiped angrily at his own wet cheeks.

“You’re gonna have to trust me, okay?” he repeated after a long minute, having wrestled his emotions down to where he thought he could keep them still. “You’re gonna be okay.” Whatever was going to happen with this little girl would not be easy but in no way was this something he’d miss. Toss her off on some underling? Step in to check on her once a week? Unthinkable.

She grew still and then stepped back a little bit, hands still on his shoulders. Swollen, red eyes. Streaked, grimy cheeks. A dress that was mostly patches and frayed edges. “Cody,” she tried, and managed a wobbling, watery smile.

He smiled sadly at her, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. “That’s right. You... you can either tell me your name or if you’d like, you can have a new one.” What made him do it, Cody wouldn’t be able to say for several years. But the ultimate reason was that this little creature reminded him so very much of his brothers. He’d never held someone, let them cry on him and felt their body heave with sorrow, that wasn’t one of his brothers.

“I can pick a name?” A curious, almost happy note crept into the girl’s voice, which was high and sweet.

“Sure. I picked mine.”

She frowned but it was more curiosity instead of something troubling. A grimy hand came up and dug the heel of her palm into her eyes, then she gave a loud sniffle. “Your parents didn’t give you one?”

“I didn’t have parents,” Cody said simply. “I had brothers though. Lots and lots of them.”

The girl’s face brightened but then fell. “My parents are gone, too.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Cody cupped her face in his hands, trying so hard to be gentle. “But you’ve got me. I’m gonna make sure you’re gonna be okay.”

Her eyes glistened but she didn’t start sobbing again. Instead, she reached up and traced the curve of Cody’s scar with one finger. If there had been some part of himself that Cody had been withholding from committing to keeping this girl alive, it was now officially and unconditionally surrendered. He expected her to say something about the scar, but instead she asked softly, “Could I have my Mama’s name?”

“Tell it to me.” He actually impressed himself with how steady his voice sounded because inside, everything felt like it was breaking and twisting, reshaping itself into something not unpleasant but not easily made.

“Gaia,” she said quietly.

“That’s lovely.” Cody smiled, a tear that he hadn’t watched closely enough slipping down his cheek. The little girl saw it and daintily brushed it away. “You sure about it?” he asked, clearing his throat to try to hold some part of himself together.

“... Yeah...”

He pulled her into another hug, which was warmer than the first. She curled into him like they’d known one another her whole life and Cody, now so exhausted that all he wanted to do was crawl into bed and never get up, leaned back against the wall with a tired grunt. “Okay, Gaia. Okay.”

#star wars #sunshine squad #commander cody #star wars fanfiction #the clone wars #temura morrison #gaia #darth vader #latent Mandalorian parenting syndrome

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ateezficz · 5 years ago

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Insecure

Warning: Mentions of insecurities, low self esteem, everything I deal with oop-

Smut Warnings : Oral (F receiving), Fingering, Protected Sex, First time

It was another one of the days when your insecurities got the best of you. Why did they have to appear out of nowhere and ruin all and any positive thoughts you had about yourself? And to add onto that, the fact that you were literally stalking almost all the instagram models you knew, wondering why you couldn’t look like then just made things worse.

You always feared that Seonghwa would be embarrassed to be seen in public with you because of how you looked, and thought that all the nice words he said were just a show and deep down he didn’t even like you. You wanted to be beautiful so Seonghwa would like you but you didn’t realize how much he actually loved you. All the negativity within you seemed to overflow in the form of tears as one by one they began cascading down your face, falling onto the sheets beneath you.

Wiping your tears off you got off the bed and stood in front of the mirror in an attempt to tell yourself that you’re beautiful just the way you are, but that little voice in your mind dominated all other thoughts. As your gaze lowered you only found more and more flaws in your physical appearance.

‘Stomach too round’, ‘thighs too large’, ‘hips too wide’ these were the only thoughts in your head no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself otherwise. The scars on your face and back didn’t help one bit as all you could do was break down in front of the mirror. Just when you thought things couldn’t get worse, Seonghwa walked into the bedroom with his bright smile and joyful energy, but seeing you sitting on the floor crying shattered his heart to pieces.

Frowning slightly he walked over to where you were seated and turned you around so you were facing him. Feeling his touch you immediately wiped off your tears, trying to avoid having that conversation, but the expression he wore was crystal clear.

“Why are you crying my love?” he asked softly as he looked into your eyes with immense love and affection. His hands caressed your flushed cheeks as you broke down into tears again, climbing into his lap to cry into his chest.

In that moment all he wanted to do was help you calm down and make sure you stop crying, so he hugged you tightly knowing how much his embrace would help. His hands caressed the back of your head as your sobs eventually turned softer and when you finally stopped crying he looked into your eyes, asking again what the reason was.

“What is it Y/N?” he reiterated hoping you would tell him the cause of your tears.

“I-I feel so ugly. I look nothing like all the people I see online, they’re all t-tall and skinny but I’m not even c-close to that. I h-hate how I look” you stuttered out, avoiding eye contact with him because you were sure the look in his eyes would break you.

His face displayed pure astonishment after hearing the words you spoke. How did you even think about yourself like that? You were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he just couldn’t believe you had the ability to dislike your appearance, but the fact that you did made him extremely upset, and it was visible.

Helping you get off his lap he stood up and gestured for you to do the same, pulling you towards the mirror as he stood behind you, looking at you from behind your shoulder. Holding your arms firmly he asked you “Tell me, what don’t you like about the person in the mirror”

His question was very clear but it definitely caught you off-guard since it was quite unexpected. Stuttering a little you managed to list down all the things you disliked about your looks “**I-I don’t like my s-stomach, my legs, my arms and the m-marks on my back and face” **

His hands moved down your arms and wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to himself as you blushed a bright red. “Why don’t you like these parts of yourself?” he asked, receiving quite a straightforward answer from you.

“They’re too chubby, and the marks are ugly” you said, a frown forming as you looked down at the little tummy you had which Seonghwa found extremely cute.

“Now let me tell you why you should love these parts of yourself” he started.

“Your body does so much for you, your stomach holds all the food you eat, your legs help you move from place to place, and dance which I know you love doing and your arms help you write. Not only does your body do so much for you, but also for me. I absolutely love your cute little tummy, it’s beautiful and so are your legs and arms and every single part of you.” he said into your ear as he smiled at you through the mirror.

You gave him a half hearted smile because even though his words were true, you couldn’t believe them and he saw that. Turning you around he looked at you with a tender look in his eyes, holding your shoulder with one hand as he lifted your chin up with the other.

“_Y/N I love you so much and I can’t stand seeing you think like this about yourself. You’re so gorgeous inside and out and I want you to see yourself how I see you, so please let me show you how perfect you are” _

Your eyes soon began reflecting the look in his as you gave him a nod, feeling butterflies in your stomach when his lips gently took yours into his. The softness and warmth radiating off of them was just so heartening, and it made your heart swell with love. His soft touch sent chills through your body, and when he tilted his head to deepen the kiss you were sure he was an angel taking you to heaven right there.

You were yearning for more and it was clear when you moved closer to him, standing on your toes to wrap your arms around his neck while he wrapped his own around your waist. Pulling away from you for a second he turned you around so you were facing the mirror again, his lips finding the sweet spot on your neck almost instantly as he started leaving wet kisses, licking and sucking occasionally, leaving a mark or two.

Your half lidded eyes got a glimpse of his gaze, and damn it made you wet in an instant. His brown eyes had completely darkened over, pupils dilated with lust pouring out of them as he sucked harshly on your shoulder sliding the large sweater off carefully.

“Your shoulders - are so - perfect my love” he said in between kisses as he slid of the sweater completely from one side, letting it hang from the other.

His hands snaked down to the hem of your sweater, pulling it up in order to take it off when your hands pulled it back down. You stared into his eyes through the mirror, a look of nervousness very clear in your eyes to which he only smiled.

“You’re stunning Y/N, absolutely gorgeous. I love each and every part of you, please don’t feel insecure with me” he spoke softly, his fingers caressing your hands as he waited for your confirmation, which you gave in the form of a nod.

He slowly pulled off your sweater, leaving you in your bra and shorts, exposing all of the things which, according to you, were flawed. Your arms instinctively wrapped around your stomach, your eyes being unable to see his expression on seeing you like that for the first time.

His soft hands held yours as he slowly took them off of your waist, asking you to open your eyes before wrapping his arms around your waist. His affectionate touch put your nerves at ease as you opened your eyes, feeling more confident about yourself once you saw the look on his face.

“I love your tummy, it’s beautiful, just like you my love” he said as he traced the faint stretch marks which ran across your sides.

Walking ahead of you he pulled you into a kiss again, this one a lot more passionate and fast paced. He bit your lower lip, tugging at it slightly, smiling when you let out a soft moan. His hands moved up your back, unclasping your bra as he slowly slid it off of you, making sure you were comfortable every second of the way.

Bending slightly he placed open mouthed kisses all the way from your jawline to your chest, feeling extremely accomplished upon hearing your whimpers get louder. Your fingers threaded through his hair as he went lower, now kneeling right in front of your core.

Pulling your shorts down slowly along with your panties he placed a soft kiss on your clit, his grip on your thighs contrasting the softness of his pecks.

Soon his pecks turned into licking and sucking as he tugged at your clit, his tongue lapping up all the wetness which flowed out of you. Your body, being unable to process all the pleasure, began shivering as you lost your ability to stand straight.

Knees buckling and eyes closing, you let out loud gasps when he licked up and down your folds, his hands moving behind you to massage your ass. Seeing this he slowed down for a second, mumbling just over your clit. “Eyes on the mirror my love” immediately making you snap your eyes open as you became desperate for more. Seeing the way his muscles moved through the shirt as his hold on your thighs tightened only pushed you closer to your high.

“Oh my- fuck!” you groaned, feeling yourself get closer to releasing when he carefully pushed two fingers into your entrance, making sure to go slower knowing its your first time.

A scream ripped through your chest as your grip on his hair tightened, your legs momentarily losing their balance when he started moving his fingers inside you, already hitting the perfect spots. Your walls began clenching around his digits as you began mumbling out incoherent curses, releasing all over his mouth with a loud “Fuck Hwa!”

Licking up all your juices he stood back up again, pulling his shirt off and tossing it aside before lifting you up by your legs and seating himself on the bed in such a way that you were able to see your reflection in the mirror.

His boner, which only grew harder by the second, began poking at the inside of your thighs as you began grinding down on him, your lips now marking his neck like how his did yours.

It didn’t take long for his sweats to come off as you stared at his length in awe, gulping visibly at the size of it. He reached out to the drawer beside the bed and pulled out a condom, ripping the packet before sliding it over his dick. Hovering over you he gave you a soft kiss, reassuring you that he’ll go slow and if it hurt he’d stop immediately.

Lining himself up he pushed in slowly, allowing your walls to adjust to his size while he groaned at how tight you were, burying himself to the hilt inside you. Your chest heaved up and down as you tried to get used to the painful stretch, feeling pleasure slowly take over as you relaxed.

Seonghwa lifted his face just enough to look at yours, giving you a kiss on the lips before pulling out and thrusting back in, building his pace gradually making sure to not hurt you. All the beautiful moans and gasps you let out were swallowed by him as the rate at which he snapped his hips into you became faster, his tip abusing your newly found sweet spot.

“God you’re so fucking beautiful, so tight” he mumbled against your lips before turning you over so he was on his back with you straddling him. His length seemed to reach so much deeper in that position, causing your head to fall back as a sinful moan left you.

“Look at the mirror my love” he voiced out in a hoarse voice before he began thrusting up into you, sending you over the edge within only a few seconds as you clenched around him. His grip on your hips remained as tight as ever and his thrusts maintained their momentum.

Forcing yourself to open your eyes you looked across at the mirror, taking in the sight in front of you. Seeing the way his dick slid in and out of you so easily, and the way your breasts bounced matching the rhythm of his thrusts was absolutely euphoric.

Your moans only grew louder as you neared your high and feeling him twitch inside you along with your walls clenching tight around him, eliciting loud groans from him, ultimately became the cause of your undoing. A choked moan is all you could let out as you released all over him, feeling him exhale as his thrusts slowed down signalling he had cum too.

His hips came to a stop as your upper body fell over him, your eyes closing as your weariness threatened to pull you into a deep slumber. His chest moved with yours as his hand came up to your hair, caressing it gently before planting a chaste kiss on your forehead.

“You’re so beautiful, attractive, gorgeous, stunning, breath taking and every other synonym of the word out there, and I love you so much Y/N” he whispered, smiling to himself when he heard your soft snores thinking you hadn’t heard what he said, but you heard all of it, and it made your heart swell with love.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

You are beautiful just the way you are :D don’t let anything bring you down

#seonghwa smut #seonghwa #park seonghwa #ateez seonghwa #ateez smut #kim hongjoong #jeong yunho #kang yeosang #choi jongho #choi san #jung wooyoung #song mingi #atz smut

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poisonheadcrabsalesman · 4 years ago

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More therapy thoughts part 1/?

Behavior Theory Frameworks/Conditioning and What the fuck does Master Chief talk about in therapy?

Ramblings below - like a lot, like I spent too much time writing this and you should not read this

Behavioral Theory could work well as a framework with rehabilitating Spartan IIs if the case worker focused on Operant Conditioning Theory and Cognitive Social Learning Theory, which I talked about in this ask because I think I’m funny and this blog is an archive of me applying human behavior theories to video games.

Spartans have always been taught the mission comes first! Always! The 2s are indoctrinated from age 6-14 and then have that reinforced the rest of their lives. From the beginning they are taught to push themselves to the limits, earn their food by winning, form bonds with teammates but be ready to sacrifice them for the mission. The whole lives wasted vs spent conversation between John and Mendez after the augmentation surgery!

What the UNSC/ONI wants comes before their lives, the lives of other soldiers, civilians, AI etc. This constant conditioning of expectations and rewards has created the norms cemented in their minds. This becomes standard operating procedure.

Spartans are also an entirely separated social group, other people have made really great posts on how they are Othered and have their own way of communicating with body language. ODSTs hate Spartans, marines see them as cyborgs or saviors, and while they’re allies, Spartans are not seen or treated as human, by literally everyone. They are a means to an end, with the original goal being to maintain the UNSC’s position of power and crush the insurrectionists in the outer colonies, but uh oh Aliens!

Maybe the 2s aren’t as expendable as the 3s but the mindset and reinforcement of “mission first, people second” being repeated their entire lives is going to stick. So is the constant mistreatment and abuse from their fellow soldiers and handlers.

Addressing the cognitive distortions that come from their upbringing while also balancing the fact that Spartans are so fundamentally different from the way they developed to survive would be so much work, especially considering how much information on them is given to their therapist. The main distortion I would apply is minimization, making large problems small and not properly dealing with them, and specifically for John, personification, accepting blame for negative events without sufficient evidence.

Like these are grown ass super soldiers who can kill you in less than a second and calculate the amount of gravity in a room on the fly but then also can flounder when trying to comfort civilians or make small talk because their experiences and values are so alien to adults who had more developmentally “normal” lives.

Literally applying therapy to Spartans would be like, what was done to you was wrong, the ends do not justify the means, you were children and the adults in your life failed to protect you. You are a human person who is fallible and did the best you could with what you had. And the Spartan would say, “sounds fake but okay, can I pass my psych eval and go back to war now please?”

Jumping back to Behavior Theory

Different approaches to therapy under the Behavior Theory umbrella help modify negative behaviors with treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical behavior therapy that teach individuals adaptive coping like emotional regulation, distress tolerance, cognitive distortions, and interpersonal communication. And that’s just one framework under the umbrella of human behavior theories.

Social work therapy is different from psych as it approaches individuals with heavily researched, evidence-based theories and frameworks in a holistic viewing of person-in-environment, instead of a strong focus on internal psychology.

Social work looks at all the interacting systems, environment, history, and internal and external factors affecting an individual. One of the most useful frameworks is the Biopsychosocial-Spiritual Frameworks (BPSS) when helping a client. It helps with identifying all the intersecting factors, both risk and protective, that shapes a client’s lived experiences. The most important thing to remember is that the individual is an expert in their own life, they know their experiences best.

The hardest part is applying this to Spartans because they Are So Fucked, their lived experiences, their environments and systems and institutions interacting with them, and the amount of their personal information that is probably so classified.

BPSS is a tool to help social workers assess individuals and their situations by collecting info that is related to the presenting issues and current and past circumstances. Info like medical history, hospitalizations, substance abuse, mental illness, personal relationships, family history and background, culture and norms, education, legal history, spirituality and participation etc. is all under this framework.

For Spartan 2s most of this info is lost or classified and helping someone who has repressed every negative emotion they've had for the sake of the mission would be so much to unpack but that’s also why you’re reading the mad ramblings over an over caffeinated nerd on the internet.

Life Course Theory which looks at developmental milestones and the individual’s experiences versus the socially expected markers, how do you apply that to children who were taken and have lived such different lives?

While early adolescence is when “normal” development of thoughts of self and identity take place alongside the physical changes of puberty, Spartans were being turned into emotionless calculating weapons. Sorry John, no forming a sense of identity and peer bonds for you, go kill that Watts guy who betrayed us and joined the insurrectionists.

And now that I’ve gone this insane and opened 2 whole textbooks up, let’s get to Master Chief thoughts. If you’ve read this far thank you, I swear I’m normal, 2020 has just been a weird year.

Why the fuck did I think I could write a therapy fic on a guy with 20 minutes of actual dialogue across almost 2 decades of games?

I make fun of him and call him a himbo, but he’s smart, he knows he’s being used and there is resentment there that’s been building for years.

There’s also decades of trauma and combat experience, physical, and emotional abuse, the lack of a support network, lack of an identity, the biological factors and aftermath of the augmentations and injuries he’s received, a whole lot of grief and self-inflicted guilt.

The loss of a third of his peer group with the augmentation surgery, Sam’s death, the loss of Reach (the only place he’s considered home), Keyes, the Pillar of Autumn crew, Miranda Keyes, Johnson, Cortana. He cares about the marines who fight with him!!!

He just stands there and takes it and rarely snaps, and even then it’s just small cracks on the surface with fissures running deep. The few details I will pull from Halo 5 are Blue Team’s reactions to John pushing himself so hard from the beginning of the game, and the literal crack in his armor from the fight with Locke. Like dude.

John’s a leader and will get the mission done but he tugs on the leash. He’s earned enough of a reputation and uses it to get his way.

Halo 2’s “Permission to leave the station” with Mr. “I’m going to hand deliver a bomb to the fusion reactor of a covenant supercarrier and hope my friends catch me”.

Halo 4 is when we see him say no to a superior officer and then 5 is him going AWOL. Palmer literally points out that no one is going to stop him.

Halo 5 kills me for many reasons but John bringing up Halsey and what she did to him and also pointing out that he knows Halo 5 Cortana is trying to manipulate him with psychological tactics hurts.

He knows what’s been done to him!

I cannot remember which book it was but John isn’t used to working alone. He literally takes fire because he was expecting someone to have his back!

He’s lost without Cortana! She was in his brain! Y’all! I played Halo Combat Evolved on the original xbox when I was like 8 and I knew these two were meant to be together. From the moment they met they had great chemistry and relied on each other! Cortana literally goes after people who have it out for John! John wants her approval and shows off for her in one of the books.

I’ve already written too much here but like all of the games have John showing off for Cortana, making dry jokes, jumping out of things he shouldn’t.

The whole point of this rambling is to try and get my thoughts about how to approach John’s character under control.

And that’s the thing. He’s lost control. He’s lost people, he’s losing his position and being phased out as an aging spartan, a relic. John’s used to following orders and making some decisions on the battlefield but it was always short term.

He has no identity beyond being a weapon. Complete the mission, clear the LZ, get put in cryo. Rinse, repeat.

The timeline of the games are what I'm most familiar with but with the comics and books too it’s one long run from Halo 2 to Halo 4. Cairo station to the Dreadnought to the crash landing to Forward Unto Dawn to Requiem to “The Didact is Dead but not really but we’ll deal with him off-screen”.

I know Hood apparently gave John R&R orders before Halo 5 that he ignored and kept running himself into the ground. This is a man who has to keep moving and keep being useful.

I imagine him giving in and seeking help as a last resort to fix any problems he has with performing his duties rather than helping himself be healthier.

Any professional he sees is going to have to approach him like they’re approaching a self sacrificing feral cat, with lunch meat and quiet. This man needs to have his support network closer, set up long term goals, and do some serious, and most likely incredibly painful, self reflection on where he’s come from and where he wants to go. Get him out of that tin can and into therapy. I don’t have a nice neat ending because this was a ramble and also therapy is not neat and tidy. Thanks for reading my words about mr halo

#this is not coherent but it needs out of my brain #John - has different characterizations based on what media he's in #Me - my writing must be in character or I Will Die #also me - we don't talk about halo 5 but i will loot its corpse for bits of lore I like #im sorry for being like this #my writing #Therapy time #John 117 #this is not a halo blog #haha this was peer reviewed nonsense #thanks yall for enabling me #i have even more ideas for the infinity sitcom folder now

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zenithlux · 5 years ago

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Little Lost Souls

Read it on AO3 Here! When a woman arrives in the spirit realm with no memories of her past, she is whisked away by a spirit that needs her help more than he cares to admit. But as the end draws nearer, she must make a choice; a way home, eternal peace, or a chance for something more.

Rolling waves woke her from a deep slumber. The sound echoed in all directions, booming as if she were in a field full of speakers. Cool water brushed her toes, sending a shiver through her spine. It wasn’t altogether unpleasant, but it did snap her awake better than anything else could. A blue sky and wispy white clouds stretched to infinity in all shapes and patterns. As she sat up, another wave crashed onto the shoreline, splashing up over her knees. She scrambled away, swearing softly as she wrung the water out of the edges of her skirt. But when her gaze finally landed on the water, she froze, transfixed by its beauty.

A feminine chuckle seemed to cascade in from all directions. “Hello, stranger,” A voice said. “It’s about time you woke up.”

She turned around, startled to see a strange, white fox sitting on the edge of a beautiful forest. Nine, turquoise tails fanned out behind the creature, and two golden bells hung off her neck with a pink rope. As their eyes met, the fox’s head tilted. “How did you get here?” The fox said. “Are you lost?

“I don’t know,” She said.

“How intriguing!” The fox said. “Maybe you just forgot.”

“Forgot?”

The fox shrugged. “It happens to a lot of spirits. Though you seem…” She paused. “Different.”

“Different?”

The fox shrugged again. “You can follow, or not. It doesn’t matter to me in the end. And this is the end.” She paused. “Or maybe its the beginning? Who knows? Many spirits live here, and I suppose you might be one of them. Or maybe you’re lost. Nothing is for certain.” The fox took a step forward, and a piece of rolled parchment appeared in her mouth. “Take this map,” She said as she dropped it at the woman’s feet. “Seek the spirits out, and perhaps they can provide you guidance. Or don’t.”

“You want me to find these other spirits?”

“It’s your choice,” The fox said. “Will you chase or will you follow? Speak, or listen? Or will you simply do nothing at all? The fox chuckled as she walked away. Maybe I’ll see you again, stranger.” With that, she disappeared into the trees as if she never existed. The woman stood on the beach and stared at the map in her hand.

She walked through the forest, staring at the map with no guidance whatsoever. It was difficult to tell where she had begun and where everything else ended. All she had to go on were the colors on the map itself. She avoided the creepy green snake place by dodging the green-tinted forest. She saw a woman with blue hair sprinting through a mountainous landscape and kept walking. She climbed a mountain overlooking a field of swords with another woman who was being followed by something that didn’t seem friendly. She moved toward a darker forest where she swore she saw a deer. But all she heard was a loud “EEP”, and she quickly turned around and went another way. On and on she walked, increasingly uncertain where she was going.

She stopped at the most recent forest, confused when she gazed upon the decaying trees. Her heart was pounding in her chest, though she wasn’t sure if it was the dark energy or exhaustion. Her legs were heavy, and she wasn’t sure she could go much farther. Even so, a part of her felt she should turn around. There was something... off about this new part of the world. Everything was dying. The leaves had been chewed through by bugs she couldn’t see. There was a deep purple mist settling around her feet. She could hear the rolling of a distant river, but couldn’t possibly figure out where it was coming from.

This is not the place for me.

But when she turned around, she froze. The forest stretched far behind her, further than she had walked in the first place. Light spilled through the canopy, but it was dreary and foreboding. She took a long step back as fear gripped her heart. Which way did she come from? Had she actually gotten turned around? That was impossible…

Right?

A dark chuckle echoed around her even more so than the fox’s had been before. “Hello, little lost one.” A humanoid figure stepped from the shadows, and everything within her screamed to run. His skin was a dark purple with a light glow along his muscles, and his flowing white hair was tied back into a pony-tail. He wore what looked like some version of a kimono, with long, puffy pants and an open, half-vest. One sleeve was massive with a blue interior and a purple ombre as it hung to his knees. A robe was tied around his waist with a demon mask that matched the one on his face. But her eyes snapped to the hook in his hand as he spoke again “You will make a perfect addition to my collection”

A rope snapped around her. She shrieked as the hook tore a piece of her shirt. “You have nothing to fear,” He purred, dragging her back. She tried to respond, but her words died on her dry tongue. “I am Thresh,” He continued. “A servant of the natural order which guides us all.” His head tilted, but she couldn’t tell through the mask if he was staring at her with interest or hunger. “Your soul is… strange…”

She gulped, trying to find any words she could. “Strange?” She choked out.

He hummed in thought. “It sings of souls I have not yet encountered.”

She tried to breathe. Maybe that was a good thing? She didn’t know, but terror wouldn’t do anything now. “I’m not from around here… I think.”

“You think?” He chuckled. “Then where did you wander from, lost one?”

She tried to recall what she had been doing before waking up on the beach, but very little came to her. “I was walking through the woods… and ran into you.”

“I see,” Thresh said. She wished she could see his face. Maybe then she’d at least know what he was thinking. Or maybe not. Maybe a demon like himself didn’t have normal emotions. “The woods are mysterious… and known to connect many different realms.”

“I’m trying to get home,” That much she knew for certain.

“Well here you are,” He said. Her heart sank. “The woods are home to many of my friends, and my children.” He paused for a moment before saying, “I have not spoken to them in quite a while.”

He sounded… sad. She hated how her heart longed to help him. “Your friends… or your children?”

“Both,” He said simply. “But I hear their spirits, calling out to me in their suffering. I must find them.”

“Why?”

“I am their caretaker. That is my duty. Nothing more. Nothing less.” He gazed at her, and this time she was certain it was with interest. “You have little idea why you are here, yes?” She nodded. The rope around her slackened, then fell away entirely. The hook snapped back to him, bound by some kind of spirit magic. “Then perhaps you should follow me, lest you wish to stay here, lost and forsaken… forgotten...”

He paused again. Then, she swore she saw his eyes flash with anger. “No! It would pain me so, to leave a spirit in need behind.” He turned away, dropping a mysterious looking, demonic lantern behind him. “Allow me to show you my home.” As he walked away, she stared at his back, uncertain. Then, with nowhere left to go, she reached for the lantern. It hopped away from her. She scowled and reached again. It moved a second time. Finally, she gave up and followed after it, praying that her guide wouldn’t kill her at the end of the road.

She expected a lot of things when approaching his home. What she didn’t expect was a beautiful river running under a strange-looking, dark purple gate. Chains hung from it, including another one of those demonic masks that Thresh himself wore. Lanterns lit the river on both sides, though she thought they looked oddly dull compared to the beautiful purple and orange-hued sky stretching out over the horizon. The lantern she was following vanished and Thresh reappeared under the gate. “This is your home?” She said.

“Yes,” He replied. “Though I apologize for the mess.”

She snorted before she could stop herself. “What mess?”

“You flatter me,” he said as he gazed down at one of his lanterns. “These lights represent my children.”

She leaned forward, peering into the lantern. It didn’t look like anything special to her, but she didn’t dare say that to him. “What are they doing?”

“They each serve a special purpose,” He said. “But many of them have been taken from me.”

“Taken?”

“Yes,” He said.

She hesitated, then said. “Are you okay?”

The lanterns dim even more than before as Thresh turns away. When he turns back, his mask fades away, replaced by a partially human face. His beady red eyes stared at her as he gave her a grim sort of smile. “I have been forced to appear a mere reflection of my true self.”

“So this isn’t you?”

“No,” He says. “And I hope it does not scare you away.”

Surprisingly, she wasn’t nearly as scared as she thought she should have been. Instead, she felt… sad, as if she could feel the weight of his pain on her own shoulders. “Not at all,” She said.

He smiled for a moment before his long ears sagged and his eyes shifted toward the ground. “I cannot hold this form for long, as those closest to me have been taken.”

“Your children.”

“Yes.” Darkness surrounded them for a moment. The weight of a thousand lifetimes dropped squarely on her shoulders. A part of her wanted to reach for him. Maybe even hug him tight and promise everything would be okay. But she still wasn’t certain if he was still planning to kill her. So, she held herself together and said, “Is there something I can do to help?”

His mask reappeared as the lights came back. “No. This matter does not concern you.”

“But I can help,” She said. “I’m different from these other spirits. Surely you see that now.” How she knew that was beyond her. She just… knew it.

“You are already a lost child.”

“Then you can help me,” She said. “I’ll help find your children, and you can help me figure out where I came from. Does that sound fair?”

He paused. “Very well. Look around the area for my children and bring them home.”

She nodded with a small smile. “I’ll do whatever I can.”

His ears twitched in what she knew now was a small hint of happiness. “Thank you, lost one.”

It didn’t take long to find the spirits- purple, wispy things with eerie human faces that stared at her with painful confusion - but it did take her awhile to collect them. She wondered if she would have been better off asking for his lantern, but she had a bad feeling that it wouldn’t react well to her presence. Instead, she was left in the middle of the forest, trying to figure out how to grab a spirit that didn’t want to be grabbed.

“Hello, stranger,” A familiar fox said, appearing in front of her. “I’m afraid you are messing with things you do not understand.”

“He asked for help,” She said.

“Of course he did,” The fox said. “He is weak and obsessed with souls that are not his to take.”

“He calls them his children,”

Her tails flicked in annoyance. “I should have warned you about spirits like him.”

“I followed the map,” She said. “And it brought me here.”

“True,” The fox said. “But I had not expected you to try and effect the balance of this world.”

“What do you mean?”

“These souls deserve a choice,” The fox said. “I give them that choice. Your little Thresh does not.” The fox shook her head. “He is simply a demon that has ensnared you.”

She hesitated, not certain what to believe. She had felt Thresh’s pain over the loss of his so-called children, but she didn’t think the fox was lying either. Were they two sides of the same coin? Two different ways the souls in this world could go? What right did she have to disrupt that?

“Oh well,” The fox said. “I’ll just have to work twice as hard.”

“What’s your name?”

“My name doesn’t matter.”

“But I’d like to hear it.”

The fox chuckled. “You can call me Ahri, stranger. I suggest you be careful. Or don’t. It doesn’t matter to me. Good luck in your chase, but don’t expect to beat me.” She looked to the closest soul and whispered “follow.” The soul flickered a bright purple, but as Ahri left, the soul drifted after her. She had a feeling the same trick wouldn’t work for her. But what else could she do? Follow the fox? Maybe that was the safer option.

But… the pain in his eyes… she couldn’t just leave him.

She sighed, looking for more souls. She found a small conglomerate closer to the entrance to Thresh’s domain. Most of them fled, hiding behind nearby trees. Her heart sank. How could she possibly convince them to follow after her?

Follow…

The fox’s voice had been enticing. Maybe she could do something like that?

She took a step forward, closed her eyes, and began to sing.

The spirits froze. Some drifted toward her. Others just sat there, staring. But she kept singing the most soothing song she could think of. More spirits came toward her. Some landed on her arms. Others in her hands. One even landed on her head, and she swore she could feel it flop onto its side. Could spirits sleep? Did it matter? No, She decided as she drifted back toward Thresh’s home. She had the spirits. Nothing else mattered.

The surprised look on Thresh’s face when she returned was more than enough. “You have the voice of an angel,” He conceded. “If such a thing exists.”

She held the spirits out with as much pride as she could muster. “I got them.”

“That you did,” He said. “Seeing my children returned to me brings greater joy than you could imagine.” She paused for a moment as his hands drifted over the souls. “Something is on your mind.”

“What are you?”

He chuckled. “I suppose that is a fair question to ask.” He took a step back and met her gaze. “I am a denizen of this world your people call the spirit realm. Some see me as a guardian. But…” He shook his head. “I see myself as much more than that. I’m a caretaker to these spirits… a father, if you well. And many are lost like yourself.”

“But I’m different… right?”

“That you are,” He said as his head tilted. “Though I am not sure how just yet.” His smile faded and he sighed. “But I’m afraid we have bigger things to worry about.”

Her heart fell again. “What?”

“My lantern has been stolen,” He said. “Without it, I cannot guide my spirits home.” He gestured to the other lanterns. “As you can see, the river is no longer lit as each of them draws on my own powers. But… without my lantern.” His expression turned angry. “My most treasured possession…”

“I’ll find it,” She said.

His anger faded, replaced by surprise. “You would do that for me?”

She nodded. “Where do you remember seeing it last?”

“I was walking through the woods near here,” He said. “Maybe you can find it there.”

She gave a small, encouraging smile. “I won’t let you down.”

Wandering back into the forest wasn’t so scary the third time. She liked to think she’d gotten used to the strange fauna around her. She walked with confidence, eyes scanning her surroundings as well as she could. But every direction she looked, she saw nothing. She frowned, stopping in the center of a large clearing. How long had she been walking for? Now that she was thinking about it, she felt like she’d been walking for hours. Maybe even days. Now she had to find the lantern. Without it, she wasn’t certain she would find her way back.

Would the fox come and save her? She highly doubted it after all that had happened.

A rustle in the trees caught her attention. She spun around, but a chuckle echoed behind her. When she turned again, it moved to the side. She scowled, but the cackling only got louder. Was a spirit messing with her? She wished she had asked Thresh more questions before coming out here. Or maybe Ahri. Hadn’t she mentioned other spirits? It was difficult to remember after all this time spent wandering through nothing.

Then, she saw it; the purple lantern she’d been looking for. Unfortunately, it was in the grip of a small, brown racoon… thing. It was dressed in purple and yellow striped pants with a pink rope wrapped around his little waist. The large, straw hat on his head was tied to his chin with a blue ribbon, and held a flute in its pudgy little hands. Or maybe it was a blow gun? She didn’t want to wait around to find out. “Hello… little guy,” She said, taking a small step forward. He didn’t move, but she swore she heard more obnoxious laughter in the trees. “Can I get that lantern from you?”

The creature said nothing. The lantern didn’t move. When she reached for it, his eyes snapped open as he yanked it away. “Wait!” She said. “I need that!”

He peered at her, his smile returning as he sat the lantern back down. Then, he threw a hand out, palm open. She stared at it for the briefest moments, then moved without thinking, throwing out two fingers. The creature burst into laughter. “You win!” He yelled. “Enjoy the lantern!” Then he scurried off, his laughter echoing far off into the night.

She stared at the spot he’d left. “Thanks?” She said to nothing before shaking her head and picking up the lantern. It glowed brighter in her hands, greeting her the only way a lantern could. Then, it popped out of her hand and landed a few feet away. “Why didn’t you just do that from the beginning?” She said. “You don’t even need me!”

But the lantern just hopped away, leaving her to trudge after it, the echoes of the creature’s laughter still ringing in her ears.

Thresh had been grateful for the lantern, but he didn’t truly approach her until a few days later when she returned from her fourth incursion into the forest. She didn’t have many spirits this time, but he looked far happier than she thought he should have. She had technically failed in her mission today. Ahri had gotten away with significantly more than her, taunting her all the while.

“I’m glad one of us is in a good mood,” She muttered as she handed over the relatively few spirits she had.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” He said, sweeping his hand out over the river. “It’s been restored, all thanks to your hard work.”

She smiled softly. “We did it together.”

He chuckled. “I suppose.” He shook his head as he ushered the spirits into the closest lantern. She was caught off guard when he met her gaze again, as his purple skin had turned a deep shade of pink. Was he truly embarrassed? She couldn’t remember if she’d ever seen him like that before. “My little lost one,” He said as he caught himself, his skin returning to normal. “You mean the world to me.”

It was her turn to blush. “I’m just doing my job.”

He shook his head. “Come now… I’ve never shown anyone this before.”

She tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

He shook his head, smiling gently. “Trust me. For you it’s the least I can do.” He turned away, walking proudly toward the gate as he left his lantern behind. This time, it let her grab it, choosing instead to yank her along with as much excitement as a sentient lantern could muster. As she passed the gate, a light blinded her. “It’s alright,” Thresh’s voice said. “Just give it some time.”

When she blinked, she gasped. There he stood, his purple skin tone replaced by a pale, human one. His mask was gone, and she could see the small smirk he gave her in its full glory. The lantern floated beside him with cards instead of chain links hovering like some kind of archway above Thresh himself. His white hair had turned purple, falling in long bangs that reached nearly to his chest. Behind him was a screen with a beautiful, mountainous landscape with a yellow dawn and green bonsai trees. “Welcome to my sanctuary,” He said with a genuine grin. She stared at him, mouth open as she tried to figure out what to say. He blinked, and his smile wavered. “Is everything alright?”

“You’re…” She swallowed, blushing. “Very handsome.”

His smile returned, but it was much softer this time. “You are the true beauty of this realm.”

Her eyes widened at that as her face lit on fire. He chuckled, clearly aware. “Do you like my sanctuary?”

“Yes,” she said. “It’s genuinely amazing.”

He moved forward a step. “You have shown me much kindness over our time together.” He looked back for a moment, before meeting her eyes again. “This is where I share my most intimate moments… and I will admit, I have never brought someone in here to see it, especially not a human.” He took her hand, his blush returning. “Thank you, little lost one, for everything you have done for me. I hope to repay your generosity some day.”

She smiled, squeezing his hand. “I’d be happy to talk for awhile, if you’re interested.”

His voice lowered. “I’d be happy to listen to your voice every day of my life if you would permit me to.”

“And you say I flatter you.”

He chuckled as he gestured to a pair of mats. “Will you join me? I’d love to hear what kind of stories you can remember.”

So she did.

On her seventh foray into the forest, she met a wanderer. And, in hindsight, that was probably the only reason she hadn’t just stormed right off a cliff.

Thresh had been irritated that morning due to no fault of her own. Yet he’d snapped at her when she’d come home with a few less spirits than she had hoped for. I’ve done this every day and you're complaining now? She had said, exasperated.

You can do better, He’d snapped back.

You’re lucky I’m helping you at all.

Is that so? Then you’re lucky I’ve let you in at all.

She’d stormed out after that, hurt and furious. And maybe he had called for her to come back once or twice, but she didn’t care. No. She was too angry for that. Too furious at him after days - months? - of doing his job to be treated like that.

Stupid… handsome… demon… man.

She stopped at the edge of the forest, surprised to see brighter colors. Had she actually reached another forest? She thought he would be trapped in Thresh’s home forever. Could she really just walk away? She didn’t have her map anymore, so she had no idea where she might end up. The last thing she needed was to try running away, only to end up with a much more dangerous spirit, or back to an angry Thresh.

Bold of her to assume she wouldn’t come back to an angry Thresh already. But that was his fault. Not hers.

She scowled and took many strides forward, her eyes planted firmly on the ground.Why had they fought over something so stupid? Maybe she’d assumed too much. She had thought they were closer now. He had, afterall, shown her his “sacred room” as he called it. He’d shown her his human form- something which was, quite frankly, needlessly attractive- and continued inviting her in to rest. But now he was turning cold again? Now he was upset that she’d gotten a few less spirits than normal? Now he didn’t want her around?

And now here she was, rushing right out of his domain with nowhere else to go.

A hand pressed against her forehead, stopping her in her tracks. “Going somewhere?” A man said. She looked up, surprised to see a pale man with his ridiculously long, white hair tied back with a pink flower band. He had a sheathe on his hip, but held his blade over his shoulder with a turquoise arm that reminded her of Ahri’s tails. He was chewing on a leaf of some kind, and dressed in puffy black pants, sandals, and a vest that showed off his rather impressive physique.

“Yes,” She said.

He didn’t let go. “Where?”

“I don’t know.”

“I would suggest not wandering through this place,” He said. “You’re lucky you didn’t run into one of the… unsavory types.”

She raised an eyebrow. “And you’re… not?”

He scoffed as he pulled his hand away. “Hardly. I’m just a wandering spirit.”

“... Didn’t you just tell me not to wander?”

“But I have a sword.”

She scowled again. “Fair enough.”

He tilted his head. “Something on your mind?”

Yes, was what she wanted to say. Things had been going well with Thresh as far as she knew. Ever since she brought his lantern back, the two had been getting along. He conversed with her like an equal. She was no longer afraid he was going to try and flay her and stuff her body into a lantern. They weren’t any closer to figuring out who she was or where she was meant to be going, but they were at least friends.

Or she thought they were. The last time she’d come back from collecting some of his wandering children he’d been rather cold to her, as if she was nothing more than a grunt. They’d argued about it and… well…

She sighed. “I suppose.”

He watched her for a long moment. She fidgeted, wondering if she should turn around and hope the lantern was there to guide her back, or ask this stranger to lead her somewhere else. But then, he sighed, took a step back to sheath his sword, then sat down. “My name is Yasuo,” He said, beckoning to the ground in front of him. “And I find that meditation solves many problems.”

She couldn’t stop the eye roll. “I’m not sure this is a meditation problem.”

“Humor me.”

Eventually, she did. But she was restless. Her mind kept wandering back to the forest behind her. Back to the spirits roaming around. To Ahri. To Thresh. To the other tales she’d read about or heard since she’d arrived. She quickly found herself taping her fingers on her knees, staring at his calm, motionless pose as if it would help.

He opened one eye in annoyance. “That’s not meditating.”

“There’s too much on my mind.”

“That’s what the meditation is for.”

She sighed again, trying her best to breathe. It only kind of worked. After another minute or two, he opened his eyes, releasing a long breath before he smiled. “Feeling better?” She nodded miserably and he laughed. “Talking, then. Will that help?”

“I don’t want to bother you.”

“I’m already sitting, am I not?”

“True but…”

“Go on,” He said. “Whatever’s on your mind.”

“... What would you do if…” She hesitated. “If you felt like someone you really cared about… didn’t care for you in the same way?”

His smile retreated, and she instantly regretted her question. When she started to retract it, he held his hand up and shook his head. “I may not understand exactly what you’re going through,” He said. “But I have experienced something similar with my brother, Yone. The two of us… well… our relationship is complicated.” He rested his blade in his lap. “I’ve been searching for him for years, hoping that maybe his soul found rest after our battle so long ago. But I don’t know what I would do if I found him. I don’t know how he feels anymore. Maybe he hates me. Maybe he doesn’t remember a thing. It’s impossible for me to know.”

“So…”

“So you know where this person is, right?” He said. “You can talk to them?”

“Well, yes but…”

“Then talk to them.” He said. “And do it soon, because I promise that you will regret it if you wait too long.”

After a pensive moment, she nodded. “I’ll try my best.”

His smile returned. “Good. Now meditate before you go back.”

“But you just told me not to wait!”

“Whoever it is can wait for five minutes while you get your thoughts together.”

“You don’t know that.”

He snorted. “Then I personally promise to escort you back to wherever you want to go if it doesn’t work out.”

She paused. There it was again. Another option. Another way out. Another chance to return to the life she couldn’t remember. And yet it… bothered her. The idea of leaving things the way they were… of leaving Thresh in his weakness… Even despite his cold demeanor, she wanted to help.

A demon that’s ensnared your heart.

She sighed as she sat up straighter and cleared her throat. “Fine,” She said. “Five minutes.”

“No more,” He said. “And no less.”

She found Thresh waiting when she returned. His lantern and chain hung nearby a surprising distance away from Thresh himself. Had he been waiting for her? She didn’t know why. She assumed he hated her now.

“Lost one,” He said stiffly

“Thresh,” She said. “Is…” She paused. “Is everything alright?”

“No,” He said. But he didn’t sound angry. He sounded almost… scared. She moved closer, hesitant. His eyes didn’t leave hers, and she soon found herself standing directly in front of him. “I… lost you.”

She stared at him. “That is all I am,” She whispered. “A lost one.”

He shook his head. ��My actions have been… unbecoming of me. I sincerely apologize if I hurt you.” He reached toward her cheek, but froze and pulled away.

“You didn’t…” She sighed. “I was just… I don’t know. Everything’s so confusing and I just… I thought that maybe we…” She trailed off and refocused her thoughts. Then, she smiled at him. “Why don’t we sit down out here?”

He blinked. “What?”

“Have you ever just put your feet in the river?” She peeled off her shoes and sat them down beside her. “Is it cold? Warm? Anything you want it to be?”

His confusion turned to amusement. “I’ve never thought about it.”

“Well let's try it together.” She sat on the edge of the walkway, feet crossed as she stared into the river. It was clearer than she expected it to be. Even more surprising was the fact that she could see koi fish swimming along the rocks, just underneath the surface. Slowly, she unfolded her legs and gently placed her toe in the water. It was warm as if the sun had been brightly shining on it for most of the day. Except there wasn’t a traditional sun in Thresh’s domain, and the fact that the water was warm at all was almost as big of a conundrum as her own arrival. “Come on,” She said, looking up with as wide of a smile as she could manage. “Unless you’re afraid of a little water.”

Thresh scoffed. “I do not fear such trivial things.”

“Then what are you waiting for?” She dropped her second foot into the water, sighing in content as a few of the koi fish swam up around it. “Your river really is beautiful. I’m surprised you don’t enjoy it more.”

Finally, he sat down beside her. “I’ve never had a reason to,” He said.

“No interesting visitors?”

“You’ve been the first.”

She blushed, staring down at the water. “I don’t know… Ahri’s pretty interesting.”

“We used to be friends,” Thresh said. “But our paths… diverged.”

“Now you’re fighting over spirits.”

“Something like that.” As she met his gaze again, he leaned in. She felt his breath warm on her lips as he brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers. “Lost one,” He murmured. “You… you are different than anyone I’ve met.”

She chuckled. “But we knew that already.”

He brushed through her hair. “Different than that.”

“But that’s why you showed me this form, right?” She said. “Because you trust me more than you’ve trusted anyone else.”

“And I haven’t shown it well,” He admitted. “I suppose I’ve been… scared of you.” He chuckled, but it was quiet and hollow. “How ironic that this old spirit would be afraid of something like this. Someone like you.”

She rolled her eyes. “Should I be offended?”

“On the contrary,” He said. “You should be proud. You’ve managed to confuse me. I didn’t believe that was possible.”

“Maybe you haven’t lived long enough.”

He laughed at that; loud and genuine. His face flushed a bright red as his ears shifted downward. He brushed a finger under her chin, lifting it ever so gently. “You are entrancing,” He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. And instead of giving him a simple answer, she did the only thing she could think of.

She kissed him.

She thought he might recoil. Maybe even push her away. Her heart swelled when he leaned in with a tenderly surprising amount of eagerness. His lips were silky smooth, moving against hers so perfectly its like they were made for each other. One of his hands found their way to her hips and she turned toward him, wrapping an arm over his shoulder. It wasn’t particularly comfortable, so she pulled away from a moment, ignored his quizzical expression, and turned to face him fully. “Lo-?”

She kissed him again before he had a chance to speak, content when he relaxed back into it, as if she’d never left. She didn’t remember when he turned to better face her, nor did she remember why she ended up across his lap. She might have thought herself entrapped by his touch- ensnared by a demon - but she didn’t care. She just wanted him close. Wanted to feel his lips on hers until the end of time.

I’ve gone mad. She thought. But it didn’t matter.

He pulled away and placed a finger on her lips before she could chastise him for it. The fingers of his other hand intertwined with hers as he pressed their foreheads together. His breathing was as labored as hers. Their hearts were beating in sync- final proof that he did indeed have one. “Will you come with me?” He said, his voice quiet. She nodded once, and he whisked her away.

The eighth time she entered the forest was the first time she met death.

She’d been rightfully distracted, wandering the woods with Thresh’s sentient lantern bouncing around. She’d tried using his hook, but she was such a terrible shot that they’d both agreed that her singing tactic was significantly more effective. Thresh had promised her that he was almost strong enough to leave his home, but she’d seen the agony in his face when he’d stepped just a foot away from the river.

Their last conversation had been short and sweet, but painful all the same. He’d spoken so calmly, yet the sadness in his voice had rattled her. It was a different kind of sadness. One born of loneliness that he didn’t quite know how to explain. He’d tried to let it go. Tried to turn the conversation back to her. You have done enough, lost one. Yet she kept going back. Time and time again she returned to his side with more spirits. More of his children clung to her now, entranced by her constant humming.

But her throat was starting to burn with exhaustion. Time was, as the fox said, a finicky thing. She had no idea how long she’d been gone, and still no idea of where she had come from. All she knew is that she wasn’t a spirit. At least, not a traditional spirit. She was immune to Thresh’s lantern. Immune to Ahri’s charm. She’d heard stories of a snake lady that turned humans to stone and wandering spirits that were claimed by obsession or sadness. Thresh told her all of these things, and she had no reason to doubt him.

You’re not alone, she had said. I’ll help you.

I cannot ask any more of you.

But that’s what friends are for, right?

Friends… She still remembered the blank expression he had given her, as if the word didn’t exist. Despite his interactions with other spirits, he’d never had a true friend. At least, he hadn’t considered any of them to be. Or maybe she’d read his expression entirely wrong. Surely he thought they were friends at the very least after all they’d been through together. Just all they’d done together was probably far beyond the friend category. But she never pushed it. He was an old spirit, after all. Maybe things just worked differently in his world. .

A loud growl broke her from her thoughts. She jerked back, the lantern bouncing to her side. Once it landed, it flopped over, lying lifeless in the dirt. “Helpful,” She muttered as she picked it up. Another growl shuddered through her bones. A white cloud sprung out of the bushes, and a grinning wolf face formed on the front. She screamed as it snapped inches from her face. She barely managed to hold onto the lantern as she finally hit the ground. But the wolf chased right after, howling in triumph. “YES.” A deep voice said. “WOLF KNEW HE SMELLED SOMETHING TASTY!” His gruff laughter made her cringe. “ARE YOU GOING TO RUN? WOLF LOVES A GOOD CHASE!”

“Now, Wolf,” A calmer, feminine voice said. A short girl with long purple hair hopped out of the bushes. Two horns curled off the side of her head, and her white and pink furred outfit covered every inch of her body. On her face was a white mask with red painted around the stilted eyes. “You shouldn’t be so loud! I found you already!” The girl giggled as she tossed her light blue bow into the air, twirled, and caught it with ease.

The wolf pouted, his ears sagging against his head. “WOLF WAS DISTRACTED.”

“So you want to play again?”

“WOLF WILL WIN THIS TIME.”

“Maaaaybe,” The girl said. Then she looked over in her direction. “Oh? Did Wolf find a new friend?”

Wolf’s pout turned to a wide smile. “WOLF FOUND A SNACK.”

“No,” The girl said. “You found a human! What are you doing in the spirit realm?”

Human. She hadn’t been entirely certain before, but she couldn’t deny the relief she felt at hearing that alone. She didn’t belong here. Not entirely. “I don’t know,” She said. “I woke up on a beach, wandered my way up here, and haven’t been able to go home since.” She didn’t mention that she had yet to remember where home was or what it even looked like.

“Well, human,” The girl said. “I am Lamb, and this is Wolf. Together, we are known as Kindred.”

Kindred. She thought the name sounded familiar, but she wasn’t certain. Maybe she heard it in a story back at her home? “And what are you, Kindred?”

“A spirit,” Lamb said. She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. I could’ve guessed that much. But Lamb’s pose shifted. Her back straightened. Both of her pointed feet touched the ground. She tugged at the strings of her bow. If she could see Lamb’s face, she guessed it would be something close to concern. “Be careful, human.” Lamb said. “Death lingers in your footsteps.”

“WOLF GETS TO CHASE THE HUMAN?” Wolf said, mouth opening wider than before.

“No,” Lamb says. “Her end has not yet come.”

“Death lingers?” She said. Was it because of Thresh? She’d been around so many spirits, so surely that must be it. There were a dozen or more of them clinging to her now, despite the lack of a song. But she could feel a few of them trembling the longer she stood there.

“WOLF RECOGNIZE SPIRITS,” he said. “WOLF HUNTED A FEW. CAN WOLF CHASE THEM AGAIN?”

She took a step back. “I’m returning these spirits to Thresh.”

Lamb’s stillness was eerie. “I see,” She said. “Then it is best we do not keep you.” She turned away. “Come on, Wolf. Maybe you’ll win this time.”

“WOLF WILL BE QUIETEST WOLF THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN.”

“Wait!” She yelled. “What did you mean?”

Lamb looked back “Be careful, human,” She said. “Your kind does not last long here.” When she turned back, the pair vanished into the wind.

Lamb’s words haunted her for days - Weeks? Months? - after they met. She tried not to show it, but fear had slowly begun to wrap around her heart, far more painful than anything Thresh could have done. She didn’t stray too far from his home, calling to spirits that were close. She saw Ahri in the distance, stealing away the ones that she couldn’t reach. Thresh never blamed her for losing his children, nor did he ever seem upset. If anything, he seemed worried, even though he tried not to show it.

Death lingers…

“What is bothering you, lost one?”

He was close when he spoke, his warm breath gentle on her neck. She bristled in surprise before taking a slow deep breath and turning to face him. “I met someone,” She said. “They called themselves Kindred.”

His eyes narrowed. “The spirit of death.”

Her breath caught. She tried to dismiss it, but she knew that he noticed. “They didn’t tell me that part.”

“What did they tell you?”

“Death lingers everywhere I go.” She looked away, fingers clenching at her sides. She knew she couldn’t hide her fear. Not anymore. The idea of dying now terrified her. She still hadn’t made it home. She still didn’t remember it. But a part of her had grown to accept it, as her time with him had been surprisingly rewarding. How far they had come from strangers close to death to something much, much more. “Something’s wrong with me, isn’t it?”

Thresh frowned. “There’s nothing wrong with you, lost one.”

“Why would she say that?” She said. “The spirit of death told me…”

“You have nothing to fear,” Thresh interrupted. “Your spirit is strong.”

“But I'm not a spirit,” She said. “Is that what’s wrong? Am I… is my mortal body slipping away?”

Thresh hesitated as he reached for her hand. But instead of brushing her fingers, he went right through. She jerked away and stared at her flickering form. It solidified a moment later, but it was enough to rip her heart out of her chest. “I’m fading.”

“I will figure something out,” Thresh said.

“I need to go home.”

The pain on his face made her ache to fix it. “If you were anyone else, I would seek to… persuade you otherwise. But…” He sighed. “I understand.”

A screech outside startled them both. Thresh whirled around, his demon form reappearing in a flash. “Azakana,” He said. “What are they doing here?”

“What?”

“Demons,” He said. “They attack lost souls before I can rescue them.”

“But I’ve been gathering all the souls I can!”

His expression turned grim. “There is one lost soul remaining,” He grabbed his lantern and chain. “Stay here.”

“Wait,” She grabbed his arm. “Don’t go.”

“I am a spirit of this world,” He said. “The Azakana cannot hurt me.”

The door burst in before he could move. A black figure moved with blinding speed, but Thresh was faster, hooking the creature out of the sky and tearing it apart. More flooded the room, rushing straight for her. He struck them all down, his hook moving with expert precision. Soon, the dark creatures turned on him. One slipped through, slicing through his side before he struck it down. He grunted, killing that one as another surged up onto the roof. Blood pooled at his feet. Three large shadows launched his way. One vanished as the hook cut through. Another disappeared into the lantern. But the third dove straight at his heart.

She moved before she thought about it, leaping in front of him. Something like a blade stabbed through her stomach. She heard a scream before she realized it was her own. The creature was torn to shreds a moment later, but she collapsed. He caught her as more shadows flooded the room. His eyes turned red. He snapped into his demonic form. Lights burst from his lantern, filling the room in an instant. The shadowy creatures shrieked, all turning to dust. Spirits rushed from the room. The lights dimmed. She wondered how many of his children he’d let go to do such a thing… how much he’d lost in an attempt to save her life.

“Lost one,” He whispered, trying not to move her. “Don’t… Hold on.”

She flinched when she tried to nod. “Thresh…”

“I should thank you,” Thresh said, his hand gentle on hers. “You’ve done things for me that no one else ever has… or ever would.”

“That’s what friends are for, right?” She said breathing heavily. The pain in her stomach was astronomical. The blood was sticky on her fingers. The wound was bad. She didn’t have much time left.

“Friends…” He trailed off with a light blush on his cheeks. But his eyes were glistening. Tears? Impossible. He was a spirit of this world. Another spirit of death, right? Or something like that? She was struggling to remember as the world faded away. “No… you’re more than that.” He said as his arms wrapped around her. His hand pressed on hers, and she flinched. “This isn’t… your end.”

“I’m afraid that’s not your decision to make,” A soft, childlike voice said. Kindred. “It is her end.”

“No,” Thresh said. “She is not of this world. This wound is not…”

“Her soul is torn,” Kindred said. “Her life is over. Now she must choose; run, or accept it.”

“RUN!” Wolf howled. “WOLF LIKES WHEN THINGS RUN. WOLF GET TO CHASE.”

“She is not yours to take!” Thresh snapped.

“She is not yours to keep,” Lamb said.

“She is mine,” He said. “She is… my…” She was surprised when he choked on his words. There were tears in his eyes. He’s nothing more than a demon whose ensnared you Ahri had said. But a demon like him shouldn’t be able to cry… right? An old spirit like him shouldn’t be crying over a lost soul like her.

“It’s okay, Thresh,” She said.

“No!” He said. “You’re… you’re mine.”

She tried to smile. “Just another lost soul?”

“You’re more to me than that,” He said. “You’ve shown me life. Happiness. You’re more than… a friend...”

“It is her choice,” Lamb said solemnly.

She reached up and brushed his cheek. “It’s okay,” She repeated. “You have to let me go.”

His eyes slammed shut as he lowered his head to meet hers. “I don’t know what will happen to you,” He said. “No human has ever died in the spirit realm.”

“I’ll remember you,” She said. “I promise.”

She didn’t hear his response. All she heard was Lamb whispering her name as the world faded away.

When she woke again, it was under a golden tree. “Well, well,” Ahri’s voice said as her fox form peered over her, amused as usual. “It seems you really did meet your end. Or is it your beginning? I still don’t know, but I suppose it doesn’t matter.”

“Where am I?”

“The same place you’ve always been,” Ahri said. “Or somewhere new!”

She scowled as she sat up, eyes locked on the beautiful leaves above her. “What is this?”

“This is a special tree,” Ahri said. “Here, you can collect spirit petals and give them to the spirit that cannot collect their own.” Her tails flicked from side to side. “I wonder who you’ll choose.”

“But I’m dead, am I not?”

Ahri sighed, but it was whimsical. “Take a petal and follow me.”

She did as she was told, reaching for the closest petal she could. It broke off perfectly into her hand and solidified, like a piece of gold meant just for her. Ahri wandered away, humming to herself. She followed after the fox down the hill. They entered a forest, but Ahri didn’t stop. She broke into a sprint, the petal held tightly in her palm. Ahri seemed to move faster and faster, leaping through the trees and jumping over everything she could. But she ran just as fast, nearly catching up. The forest turned dark. The light faded away. Ahri stopped at the clearing, and she slowed to meet her.

“It’s your choice,” Ahri said. “I can lead you to the light, where your soul will be safe. Or, you can return to him, and hope he sees you for who you really are.”

Thresh. “How long has it been?”

Ahri shrugged. “Days? Months? Years? Time is finicky in this world remember? Maybe he’ll remember you. Maybe he won’t. If he chooses to lock you away, I cannot save you.” Ahri turned away, her tail brushing under the woman’s chin. “Whatever you choose, spirit… I do sincerely wish you the best.” Then, the fox left, disappearing back into the trees. She stopped once, letting her tails fan out, beckoning the spirit toward the light.

But the woman smiled, clutching the petal, and shook her head. Ahri nodded in understanding and disappeared. The light vanished, leaving her alone along the river. She could see Thresh’s home in the distance, lit up by the lanterns along the side. She took a step forward, the petal in her hand glowing brighter with each step. He appeared under the archway, his human self barely more than a memory. He wore his mask like he had when they first met. She couldn’t see his expression, but she could see his beady red eyes as he reached for his hook. “It’s me,” She whispered, but he didn’t respond.

A prickle of fear cascaded through her. It was over. He’d never remember.

You have the voice of an angel, if such a thing exists…

She began to sing; the same, soft melody she’d sang for his children before. He froze, eyes widening. The grip on his chain faltered. His lantern sank to the ground. His mask vanished, leaving behind the human face she’d come to love. “Lost one,” He whispered as she approached him.

“It’s me,” She whispered as she held the petal out. “I’m here… I didn’t forget.”

“It’s been too long.” He said..

“Only a moment for me,” She whispered.

He took the petal. “This warms my heart,” He whispered, caressing her face. “Maybe it was I who was lost the whole time.”

She smiled, taking his hand. “Not any longer.”

“No,” He said. “And neither are you.”

#Zenni-Writes #league of legends #LOL #Spirit Blossom #Thresh #Ahri #Teemo #Kindred #Yasuo #Third-Person Reader #Reader #ThreshxReader #one shot

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mbtiofwhys · 5 years ago

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Goro Akechi

ENTJ

Functional Order: Te- Ni - Se - Fi

Spoiler warning This article will cover Akechi’s typing with precise references to both P5 plot and P5R new confidant and added scenes. An additional premise before progressing further: we don’t think Akechi suffers from any form of mental illness, functions loop or even lasting grips. All his problems revolve around a heavy imbalanced stack, consisting of two developed extroverted functions (with the dominant being unhealthy) paired with underdeveloped introverted ones.

Judging Functional Axis

Extroverted Thinking (Te) / Introverted Feeling (Fi)

Akechi is an absolute pragmatist, always opting for the most efficient, reliable and profitable approach - in right and wrong. His Te is the most developed function in the stack, but during most of the game it doesn’t show in a healthy way. Akechi has a clear goal in mind and knows the steps he needs to take to accomplish it, it doesn’t matter the cost or what he has to sacrifice to achieve Shido’s downfall. He uses logic to solve problems and confront various situations, and can easily come off (reasonably) as cold or over assertive - for example, when he blackmails the Thieves into siding with him to push through Sae’s Palace. And despite being the newest member of the party (and, in theory, the most inexperienced one), Akechi has no problems slipping into lowkey leading roles and bossy attitude, as both Futaba and Ryuji repeatedly point out. This is because, actually, he has a lot more experience in the Metaverse: he’s one of the strongest Persona user in the game and the oldest one, and thus he puts this competence at use, even if he has to lie about his true powers. At the same time, Akechi enjoys being in charge, being efficient and being recognised as competent, at the point that this becomes one of the crucial flaw in his plan against Shido: he never doubted being in complete control of the situation, so he failed to acknowledge Shido’s true intentions and manipulation until his shadow-self revealed them in the engine room. His Te shows even in the feelings of hate and jealousy towards protagonist: Akechi is brilliant, he’s a hard-worker and a celebrity, from a logical standpoint he’s the definition of success in life, and yet why does protagonist have everything Akechi never had? Royal does an additional job of showing how much Akechi cares for competence and competition based on strength and personal abilities, as these themes are carried out over the whole of his confidant. His powerful Te is badly counterbalanced by an underdeveloped inferior Fi. His Introverted Feeling is not only weaker or misused, it is straight absent for a good portion of the game. Looking at inferior Fi on a more superficial and less personal level, we can see how Akechi despises the Thieves’ “justice”, as he doesn’t believe in a justice carried out outside of the law, and this trait doesn’t get lost in the new semester, as he often places sardonic comments on the group’s ideals. Moreover, everything regarding the emotional sphere is deemed as worthless and a sign of weakness - and this, too, stays the same during January. Though, the real problem with his Fi is that it’s so poorly developed that it has no part in his decision making process - even less than what’s the norm for a Te dom, at least. His plan to get revenge on Shido stems from a deep, personal hate and is fueled by the unjust society he lives in, but that is as far as it goes. Akechi never stops for a moment to reflect upon himself, his believes, what he truly wants or feels and, in the end, this leads him pursuing a hollow goal that costs his life in P5 vanilla and almost kills him in Royal. The engine room scene is where events come to a head: with his back against a wall, Akechi must finally acknowledge his own feelings regarding the whole situation, his life decisions and his supposed hate for Joker. In P5 vanilla, this ends with him sacrificing his life in order to let the Thieves escape the ship, since he came to terms with his mistakes and found a way to redeem himself and still fight for a cause by entrusting his mission against Shido to the group/ to protagonist. In Royal, however, we can see a further development of his Fi: it doesn’t properly bloom, but it’s a start. Akechi still remains highly pragmatic and very dismissive of anything regarding feelings, but at the same time he’s more self-aware. We see him finally fighting for something aligned with his moral (rather than for ensuring a “mere” revenge) and with a strong sense of self, rooted in his will to make decisions by his own and follow his own path in life, even if this means he will have to die again once Maruki’s reality will come to an end.

Perceiving Functional Axis

Introverted Intuition (Ni) / Extroverted Sensing (Se)

Akechi’s Te is paired with a not-so-strong auxiliary Ni. Not that Akechi doesn’t use his Ni - he simply doesn’t use it at even half potential. His Ni is what makes him so focused on a single, long-term goal: getting his revenge against Shido, even if this means working for him for years and committing murders (TeNi). The problem with this lays in the nature of Ni: since it’s an introverted, perceiving function, it needs to abstract outside data to find meaning and patterns to use in decision making. But Akechi, from what the game tells us (because his awakening is never shown) seems to have skipped this process of finding a meaningful and personal outcome to one’s life in the long run - maybe partially because he was angry, and partially because he was young. And thus, he works for something that in the end reveals hollow and meaningless. Ni is paired with Se in the stack, thus it should be supported by the ability to consider more options during the process of data collection. A healthy, high Ni user has a certain amount of flexibility, even as a J. They will never be open to new possibilities like a high Se user, but they should still be able to take reality into consideration while deciphering future scenarios, knowing that life is complex and one can’t rely on a single vision about how things must play out. And Akechi not only overlooked establishing a meaningful goal for himself, he also became obsessed over a single mission without considering a broader spectrum of options through his tertiary Se. We don’t believe he suffers from a TeSe loop, though, because that would mean a person becomes reckless, focused on short-term results and incapable of properly seeing the consequences of his actions. This is probably not Akechi’s case, as he is a very meticulous person who doesn’t act hastily, even under stress (with the sole exception of the engine room scene). For the whole game, he can stay steps ahead of the others, always trying to figure future implications of his actions, and the mistakes he makes (the pancake scene and protagonist's failed murder) are due to a lack of data and information to process, more than recklessness. All those events happen while Akechi is outnumbered: he’s alone against a whole team of Persona user. And even with the Thieves’ plan, a completely unrelated call from Shido is sufficient to raise doubt about the outcome, so much that he personally goes inside Shido’s Palace to check. His tertiary Se is still present though and, as an extroverted function, it shows in more visible manners than his Ni and Fi. Akechi is a TJ, and thus needs plans, structure and closure. This doesn’t mean he’s rigid or slow to act, on contrary, he can adapt pretty quickly as long as the situation is under control. This is due to his tertiary Se, which allows him to live in the world without getting too lost in his mind - a trait that he uses to shape and wear his public persona, the ace detective mask. Moreover, even if he isn’t a P, Akechi learned the basics of the Metaverse alone with hand-to-hand experiences. We can assume that Shido gave him information about the Metaverse, but at the same time Akechi never had a group of peers to consult. During his collaboration with the Phantom Thieves, Akechi not only shows a developed Te -always being ahead of Sae’s schemes to hinder the group- he also takes a more leading role with proactiveness, taking important decisions quickly. Akechi finds a logical and efficient way to solve problems not only as a Te dom, but also due to his Se which aids him with its adaptability and openness, obviously limited since Akechi needs structure first, but still effectively as a tertiary function.

Also typed as: ENTP, ENFJ

ENTP Surprisingly, since it’s a completely different stack. So, why he’s so commonly mistyped as ENTP? The main argument we could find is that he’s an ace detective/ devil’s advocate, but this is quite an oversimplification due to stereotypes. Firstly, because his public persona is different from his actual personality: in front of the cameras, he’s a rookie detective who loves to debate things, but in real life, this practically shows exclusively in his confidant - so, with protagonist. In every other situation, Akechi tends to stay down to earth, with matter-of-factly statements and a tendency to go straight to the point and solve a problem. Moreover, Akechi never shows signs of Ne - the love for debating isn’t a trait exclusive to Ne and Ti users. On contrary, he’s clearly focused on a single goal due to his auxiliary Ni. Also, Ne shouldn’t be confused with Te. Akechi has an admirable ability to understand the underlying patterns of a problem, but not as a way to evaluate a broad set of abstract options, rather as a Te dom tendency to solve a question quickly and efficiently. ENTP also implies Fe, but cognition must be separated from behaviors. Not all Fe users strive for validation, and every human has a need to belong to a certain extent. Akechi seeks Shido’s attention and acceptance because he’s his father, it’s an unhealthy and human reaction to a deep trauma that defined his life. But if we go to the root of his behaviors we can see how Akechi doesn’t care about social harmony or general wellbeing. He’s never influenced by the emotional environment, and he lacks self-awareness because he doesn’t use his inferior Fi, not because he has a poorly developed Fe.

ENFJ ENFJ and ENTJ shares the NiSe perceiving axis, so we can see why ENFJ is a common mistype. At the same time, ENFJ implies dominant Fe. As we stated above, Akechi’s underdeveloped inferior Fi and his traumas may mimic an unhealthy Fe. However, Fe implies a deep will to create the most positive emotional environment for everyone, a tendency to care for the wellbeing of everyone and, if unhealthy, Fe might mask selfish needs with what is best for other people, or shift the blame onto others for personal mistakes and flaws. Akechi does the exact opposite, and it’s very clear during third semester how much he holds dear the concept of free will and the idea of being his own person, with all the bad choices he’s made. He doesn’t care if the world Maruki has created is ideal and peaceful: it’s fake, thus is a manipulation, and he’s done being manipulated, therefore he wants to shatter it because, to him, it’s worthless living a life that isn’t determined by one’s own actions. Additionally, an ENFJ will use dominant Fe paired with his auxiliary Ni to envision the most plausible and realistic process to reach a goal, which generally is something related to the global wellbeing of other people. Akechi, on contrary, is very rational and logical. The best solution is the one involving the most easy route to solve a problem, he never takes social harmony into consideration and never stops considering what others might think: if they’re with him, that’s good, if they don’t agree, he either crush them if they directly oppose him, ignores them, or forces them working with him.

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kaypeace21 · 6 years ago

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something i noticed, during the s3 byler argument, Mike says “El’s not stupid, it’s not MY fault you don’t like girls.” Mike’s “it’s not my fault” doesn’t fit as a retort, the theme of his retort should be defending El. He should have said “it’s not HER fault you don’t like girls”. Knowing there were other versions of that line the writers must have consciously chosen to leave this one in, knowing how it could be interpreted. anyway, do you have any idea why mike even said that line?

Yes, I have talked about it -here (in my long ‘why Mike is gay post’). But since so many people misinterpret the meaning of Mike’s words- might as well do a shorter/more brief version .And do a post focusing on it. HE’S SAYING THIS TO HIMSELF!

First some background

Mike DOES NOT think Will is gay. Dustin foreshadows their fight in s1 saying “Dustin: “He’s just jealous.” Mike: “What?” Dustin: “Sometimes your total obliviousness just blows my mind?” Dustin: “ What matters is, he’s your best friend. And then this girl shows up… and all you ever want to do is spend time with her!” Mike: “that’s not true!”

Dustin: “Yes it is! And you know it. And he knows it. But no one ever says anything until you’re both start… yelling at each other like goblins with intelligence scores of 0. And now everything is weird”

Mike: “He’s not my best friend! … I mean he is. But so are you.”

He won’t let himself consider that Will could be gay because then it would be harder to pretend he isn’t gay himself . That it isn’t just a weird phase that he’ll grow out of. We see that throughout the show Mike is projecting his feelings for Will on to El . Who in s1 was described by 5 characters as looking like a boy (and specifically like Will, by 3 characters ). There’s just way too many examples of him projecting to list here. But s3 we see Mike is trying to mimic romantic moments between him and Will (from s2) to El (in s3). In order to transfer his romantic feelings for Will on to El. The “blank makes you crazy” vs “crazy together”, the shed scenes of “most important thing” vs “the best thing I’ve ever done”,etc.

The difference between past seasons though, is that Mike is now conscious that he’s doing this. The more feminine El gets- the harder for him it is to pretend. Especially now that they’re going through puberty- and the physical differences between boys and girls is becoming more prominent. We see this in the first ep of s3. I talked about it more here, but the Duffers use music with all the characters to convey plot points or the emotions of the characters. One example is when Mike forces Will to dance with a girl so he ‘fakes a smile’.

So yes, the fact that the very first lyrics that play when we see mileven kiss for the first time is “Just a little uncertainty can bring you down”- reflects Mike’s true feelings.And we know this is how Mike (not El) feels about their relationship because he begins to sing the song right after this lyric.The song is even from the album titled “boy in the box”. AKA: Mike is in the closet

“And nobody wants to know you now. And nobody wants to show you how.So if you’re lost and on your own. You can never surrender.” He fears that if he isn’t straight everyone he cares about will abandon him, and that he’d be lost and the only one ‘like this’ -all alone.But he can’t ‘surrender’ the false-idea of being in love with El (out of fear). This is the rural Indiana in the 80s- at the height of the aids epidemic. People on the news said gay people were being rightfully punished with the ‘gay cancer’ (aids). They equated being gay with being a perv, p*d*phile, murderer, or mentally ill. Churches said you’d ‘burn in hell’. In rural areas people would form gangs and murder people they thought were gay. Of course Mike is terrified and wants to be straight! His parents in s2 were Reagan supporters. And Reagan was notoriously homophobic. He’s probably afraid his parents will hate him, kick him out, or that someone will kill him or he’ll die from aids by simply kissing a boy.

We see Mike is doing his own f-ed up form of conversion therapy. He kisses El but he puts on the wall a drawing of Will so he can look at it while he kisses her. Probably hoping to transfer his romantic feeling for Will on to her.

Like that’s Will! He has light brown hair (not black) and Will is the only one associated with fire and has drawn himself with fire in the past. And Will even overlaps with the rainbow drawing that reads “mike” before we see the mileven kiss. It was intentional.

So when Will Says “you’re ruining everything (their relationship) .And for what?! So you can swap spit with some stupid girl.”

This infuriates Mike because he thinks swapping spit with El is the best way to save their relationship! And he’s been trying to ‘fix himself’ so Will doesn’t hate him- and it hasn’t been working, to Mike’s frustration. So he screams “El’s not stupid, it’s not my fault you don’t like girls!” because he’s projecting. And although, he loves Will… a part of him probably is a bit angry that he’s making him feel this way.

Mike never actually says to El’s face that he loves her- he even says during his fake-confession “[old people] say it”.And later Mike apologizes to El and says “sorry, I sound like a [7 year old].” Aka the number Will rolled in s1. Right after he discusses d&d with Will and talks about seeing both of them for the Hollidays. So it’s telling that after he says “El’s not stupid . it’s not my fault you don’t like girls” (to himself). He immediately regrets yelling at Will. He even closes his eyes and takes a breath before continuing. And apologizes, by giving a heteronormative answer of:

“I’m not trying to be a jerk, but [we’re not kids anymore]. What did you think, really?! that we’d never get girlfriends. That we’d just sit in my basement and play games for the rest our lives?”

Mike is yelling this at himself to keep his feelings for Will under control.El is an idea to Mike about what adulthood is- which is why he doesn’t really defend el (and his ‘love’ for her) but just talks about “girlfriends” in an abstract way. This was essentially Mike telling himself- he’s NOT allowed to just be with Will and never have a gf. He has to grow out of his ‘childish feelings’ for Will- before it’s too late, because being a gay man is dangerous. That’s why when the camera is on Mike (when he looks back a the byers house -and they only show Will and Mike). The dialogue is “But I know you’re getting older, growing, changing. I guess, if I’m being really honest, that’s what scares me. I don’t want things to change.”He doesn’t want things to change (and his feelings for Will to evolve into love, because that means Mike has to admit he’s gay and accept his future as a gay man-which at the time, didn’t seem very bright). They both are afraid of the future because of this. Mike tries to act like a ‘straight-adult’ and Will tries to revert back into his childhood because of this.

Mike also mentions “games’ because d&d is a symbol of byler’s romantic relationship. He’s just pretending to not enjoy the d&d game. Mike says they have to get girlfriends and they can’t play games for the rest of their lives. But that’s what Mike wants- he just wants to be with Will for the rest of his life (playing games) without either of them having girlfriends. Because, we see Mike never took any of Will’s d&d art off his walls.Even though he changed his poster (from the same wall that had will’s drawings on it) Mike couldn’t remove any of Will’s d&d art. It was an act - which is why he was upset (in the last episode) when Will was donating the game, and why during the Hopper speech, it pans to Mike as Hopper says “I miss playing board games every night.”

Mike even has a binder filled with every d&d drawing Will has ever given him.

In the pilot, they even say Will uses d&d to “escape” his insecurities about his sexuality “like mike” & Mike uses d&d to “escape” his insecurities about not having a gf. * And no, dustin & Lucas didn’t use d&d to “escape” anything- in the pilot script.

And right before Mike says the famous “crazy together”line it zooms in on Mike’s d&d set.

The “crazy together” scene is romantic since both Mike & Flo both equate love making you ‘crazy’. Mike saying “it makes you crazy” and Flo saying saying in s1 “ only love makes you crazy and that damn stupid”).

(x)(x)

Mike is lying about his feelings for El- and El is just confused about her feelings for Mike. The only one’s with mutual feelings for Mike is Will! Will even has a breakdown and goes ‘crazy’ after seeing a pic of them the night they promised to go crazy together - and then Will repeatedly calls himself ‘stupid’ . Because this is when he realizes and admits to himself he’s in love with Mike. And so he grabs a bat (that his dad- who called him a ‘queer’ taught him to use) and destroys castle Byers in a fit of anger and self-hate. That fight was what caused Will to realize his feelings for Mike and the jealousy he had been feeling were because he was in love with Mike. When Mike asks “what did you think, really? That we’d never get girlfriends… play games for the rest of our lives?”

Will is 100% honest a says brokenly “yeah. I guess I did” And then says angrily “I really did!” . Even if both don’t understand the gravity of their words in that moment Will was honest- he doesn’t want to ever have a girlfriend he just wants to be with Mike for the rest of his life. And Mike, who assumes Will is straight, is shocked that this conversation upset Will. Or that he would disagree with his words.

And again their last conversation (about d&d is very telling and is foreshadowing). What Will meant when he said , “I’ll just use yours when I come back- I mean… if WE still wanna play”. Is essentially foreshadowing that the ball is in Mike’s court. If he wants to be with Will for the rest of his life he has to initiate it and prove he loves Will after pretending for so long to love El, instead.

gif credit: first 2 gifs ampwn98 , 3th gif by janebycrs, 5th gif Cath-avery , 4 & 6th gifs mine

#byler #byeler #anti mileven

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cosmicjoke · 4 years ago

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Okay, I gotta talk a little about chapter 65 of AoT, and really some of the themes being put forth in general in this chapter. This is probably gonna be totally incoherent, because these are some big brain concepts that largely go over my head, I’ll be real, haha. But I’ll do my best.

I want to focus on Kenny’s conversation with his Grandfather, because it’s here that we get into some of the more broad ranging and world relevant themes of SnK, particularly dealing with issues of racism, xenophobia, isolationism, and concepts of homogeneity.

Kenny’s Grandfather talks about how the Monarchy doesn’t hate the Ackerman’s, but rather fears them, because they can’t be controlled. Because the Ackerman’s, along with very few other bloodlines that somehow ended up behind the walls, are all of different races than the majority bloodline, meaning, of course, the Eldians. And because of this, the power of the Titans doesn’t work on them. The Monarchy then comes to think of these other bloodlines as threats to the peace it’s attempted to cultivate among the people behind the wall, because their memories aren’t able to be wiped. So they end up using threats of violence, death, intimidation, and the like, in order to get these bloodlines to comply with their demands and keep quiet about what they know about the truth of the world and human history. Most bloodlines end up complying under duress, but the only two that don’t are the Ackerman’s and the Asians. They rebel and refuse, the Ackerman’s in particular giving up their position as the sword and shield of the Royal Government. Until the head of the Ackerman clan decides to not pass down any of his generations knowledge to their children, and offers himself up for execution in an attempt to protect the Ackerman’s from being purged. His efforts end up being in vain, though, as the Royal Government still finds itself unable to tolerate a group of people it can’t control, and thus the persecution of the Ackerman’s continues, until they’re driven to the fringes of society, forced to into desperation and poverty.

What’s really interesting about this is how it reflects so many real life situations throughout human history, and where concepts of tribalism and nationalism and isolationism come from. It’s usually because some governing power wants to control its population, its citizenship, and they do this by cutting them off from outside influences, indoctrinating them into a certain belief system and way of thinking. We see this, for example, in countries today like China and North Korea. This all is represented in AoT through the erasure of human history outside the walls, and the altering of historical texts to push the narrative that all record of human history older than 100 years has been lost. The ruling government, in this case, has forced generation after generation to be taught that humanity simply doesn’t EXIST outside the walls, thus stomping out any hope or ambition to get outside those walls, and interact with the outside world. If there’s nothing there to find, then why bother? Of course, it’s an imperfect system, given it’s essentially impossible to quell human curiosity and, as another prominent theme in SnK, the desire for freedom, to be able to choose for oneself and have agency over your own destiny, etc... Not only does the Royal Government employ these false teachings as a way of controlling the populace, but of course, also, the threat of the Titans beyond the wall. If the “reality” that there’s nothing left of humanity out there isn’t enough to stop the more curious and skeptical among the population, then the threat of a horrific and painful death should do the trick.

If you study any sort of regime throughout human history that utilizes terror as a means of control, one thing they often do is get rid of the smart people first. They cull intellectuals, artists, philosophers, etc... They kill them or censor them so that they can’t influence or impact the general populace with rebellious notions, or instigate in people any ideas that their government might not be treating them right. They want there to be no contention, no differential in thought, no real ideas or any sort of chance for clashes among groups. They want everyone to look, act, think and feel the same, because when that’s the case, fewer quarrels arise, fewer tensions, fewer instances of rebellion, fewer cases of people clashing with one another, for various reasons, which can lead to critical thinking and ideas forming, to thought patterns and beliefs being challenged. They want everyone to just sit quietly and not THINK. They also, often, will target minority groups, and cast them into a kind of scapegoat role, a target for the general populace to aim their grievances at, to blame all their problems on, directing their unhappiness away from the true source of their woes, that being the government itself. This is something we often see throughout human history. One of the most prominent and tragic examples is the Jews in Nazi Germany. Jews were, at first, skewered and debased through propaganda, painting them as the enemy of Germans, the great source of all of Germany’s plights and woes, essentially working the populace up into a frenzy of extreme feelings of bias and prejudice against them, before that escalated into gathering up and forcing them into cut off ghettos, away from the general population, before it took a much darker turn still, wherein they were gathered up and sent to death camps to be exterminated.

Within the world of AoT, the same thing happens to groups like the Ackerman’s and Asians, and whatever other, unnamed minority groups exist behind the walls. They’re persecuted, badmouthed, hunted and threatened into compliance, their ability to do business and make money, thus make a living, cut off and blocked. Pushed into a corner until they eventually start to die out.

It’s really fascinating, and brilliantly depicted by Isyama, how the Monarchy’s self-delusion leads them to believe they’re preserving peace and prosperity for the homogeneous population by hunting down and terrorizing groups of minority bloodlines and ethnicity’s and races, creating for these subsets of people a world and a life of endless suffering, and blinding themselves to their own, tyrannical exercise of power over a large population. Of course this sort of thing also leads to greed and a lust for power, a need for ever more control, ever more expansion of that power, which in turn leads to the very thing the Monarchy here claims to want to prevent, which is war. Even if the Royal Government, and the Monarchy, and the King, started out with somewhat noble intentions, it eventually morphs into a twisted and persistently corrupting power play.

There’s also the theme here of scapegoating an entire group of people, and holding them accountable for sins they themselves did not commit. We see in Historia’s memories of Frieda, and how she would at times begin acting like another person, how she became vitriolic and almost violent in telling Historia that she can “never cross the fence”, proclaiming that they’re all “sinners” and thus need to be punished by being imprisoned. This is where the original King’s philosophy begins to become deeply problematic and dangerous. In order to control the population, he’s forced each inheritor of the world’s memories to also inherit his philosophy, forcing each heir to labor under the belief that the Eldian’s are somehow responsible for the atrocities committed by their ancestors, and thus should continue to pay for them, even though not a single person at this point living behind the walls was even yet born when those atrocities were committed. The danger here is in the possibility of those people being held accountable for things they didn’t do, realizing the injustice of that, and in turn, growing angry and resentful for being made to suffer for crimes they didn’t commit. This in turn leads to a desire to hit back, to fight, to defend themselves, etc... This same scenario plays out on a smaller scale with the Ackerman’s, with the future generations of Ackerman children continuing to be hunted and persecuted, despite none of them having any knowledge whatsoever of the history of humanity or the world. It’s all a vicious cycle.

Further, this kind of attempt to play God, by dictating to an entire group of otherwise uninvolved people what they do and don’t deserve, and in turn deciding for them that they should be punished for things they did not do, is morally bankrupt. Deciding, in general, for an entire population, how they should be allowed to live is also morally bankrupt. And this exposes the Royal Government and Monarchy as corrupt, among about a million other things in story. Essentially, it’s a condemnation against the concept of any, one person having absolute power. That never ends well, for anyone.

Well, anyway, I’m just rambling at this point, lol. It’s just really fascinating and amazing how Isyama weaves all of these deep themes into his story, I think, and forces the reader to really think about these kinds of things.

Also, I missed the fight between Levi and Kenny! I’m glad they added that to the anime, haha.

I also noticed how Historia might have had an unintentional impact on what Eren later decides he has to do. She keeps going on and on here about being an “enemy of humanity” and wanting to “destroy everything”. And while Historia clearly doesn’t actually mean what she’s saying, and is only acting out in her frustration and anger at her douchebag of a father trying to manipulate her into sacrificing herself for his delusions of grandeur, what she also says to Eren about her “being humanity’s enemy, but Eren being her FRIEND.” is clear foreshadowing of what Eren later decides is his best and only course, to do whatever it takes to protect his friends, including killing the rest of humanity. This probably also ties into Eren’s choice to not reveal what he learns from his father’s memories, in an attempt to protect Historia. But I haven’t gotten to that point yet, so I’ll come back around to it later maybe.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin

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firebirdsdaughter · 4 years ago

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Small things that kill me…

… The look on Vergil’s face when Nero gives the ‘Dante’s not going to die up here and neither are you’ speech.

Honestly… Just all of his interactions w/ Nero in that scene.

Vergil’s a fucking dumbass who has no clue how to person at this point, he’s a complete wreck who may or may not have known he had a kid before the whole incident w/ Mundus, but now he’s even less equipped to deal w/ it, he has precious little if any practice not being at the least indifferent at the most hostile…

I think one of Vergil’s big issues is indifference, to the consequences for his actions, especially for others, for what others think, for himself in many ways… While V did develop a bit, enough to realise splitting himself in half caused massive, destructive consequences for countless people. Sure, maybe he couldn’t have predicted (which I don’t think he did) that Urizen would go that bonkers, but setting half a demon loose on the world would generally be a bad idea, to say nothing of ripping someone’s arm off in order to do so (the extreme indifference again, causing him to be unable to properly ask for help—I don’t think he enjoyed or ‘wanted’ to ‘hurt’ Nero, but the consequences never crossed his mind; to him, it was just something he had to do to survive, that was all that mattered). And that’s all a result of what he went through ever since the attack—I have this whole ramble about how I think his and Dante’s fighting styles reflect the (both unhealthy in their own way) way in which they reacted to that traumatic event—but bc he’s been fending for himself since eight, w/ only the Yamato on hand, he’s downright dangerously/extremely self sufficient/obsessed with being completely self reliant. Like the Phantom of the Opera’s ‘the world showed no compassion to me’ except really. His entire life was just about getting through the day, he had it drilled into him by experience that he could only truly trust himself, that he needed to be able to do things entirely on his own—to the point that even after being ripped apart, pretty much literally, by Mundus, he still can’t ask for help. It is a result of his trauma, but it means he has very limited skill in thinking of other people. Like, if we get a future game w/ him as one of the protags, I feel like that would be something he’d absolutely struggle w/, being more aware of others. That it would take him twice as long to react/do things that might take others like Dante or Nero a moment bc he has to actively make himself think about others, forcibly train himself to do that.

Anyway, I’m going off topic. My thought is… Vergil’s definitely not, at first glance, or even second glance, or third, parent material. I love the character, he’s a walking disaster. He’s no good at thinking of others, and is indifferent to what others think of him. I think he still loved Dante in his own, very damaged way, but he’d rallied himself against that feeling for so long, considered it weakness and shut it out, that he likely won’t be able to express it in any understandable way for a long time. And on the inverse, he can’t conceive of, for instance, Dante actually caring about him—like… He doesn’t think he matters to anyone either, puts no emotional value in himself. If that makes any sense? Like… Even when he does encounter compassion, he rejects and suspects it… Dante is a weird case, but I do see Vergil not understanding that he matters to anyone. He’s indifferent to everyone, including himself, and he doesn’t expect any more care or affection from others than he shows—like he’s not one of those jerks who expects people to like him despite being a jerk, he’s just largely given up on relationships (he either thinks they only bring pain, or that, like his softer feelings for Dante, they are weakness).

And I think he went up there to die. Pride and stubbornness prevented him from surrendering, but he had at least some idea of the enormity of the consequences of his actions. At the least, he knew he’d majorly fucked up and caused a lot of pain. I think his intentions were similar to that of Griffon and crew—face Dante one last time, fight all out bc his own pride wouldn’t let him do any less, and leave it up to fate. I don’t think he expected to kill Dante, just that he couldn’t not fight his hardest, out of respect and bc it was his nature. But he had no illusions over his probability of survival. The only reason he did throw the sheath away this time was that it wasn’t a ‘suicidal blaze of glory’ like I think fighting Mundus might’ve been, but more of a trial by combat, to him. Dante, meanwhile, was just assuming/accepting that he was going to have to take his brother out again, and he likely wasn’t planning on ever coming back from that, either (which I don’t think Vergil realised), either by dying in the fight, too, or going into hell on his own.

But then Nero shows up. Now I think V and therefore Vergil were at least aware that Nero and Dante mattered to each other, bc Dante’s the kind and caring one and Nero’s a good kid. Like, I’m sure he was aware of that.

I don’t think he’s surprised Nero interrupted (that form probably was unexpected, but Nero objecting in general or trying to rejoin the fighting wasn’t completely unthinkable) or that Nero was defending Dante.

I think what catches him off guard is the ‘and neither are you.’

He ripped Nero’s arm off and then knowingly deceived him as V, and on top of that, turns out Nero is his son who he pretty much abandoned (like we don’t know the details of when and why Vergil left, or if he knew, but the fact is, he made choices that resulted in him not being there for Nero). And that’s to say nothing of all the hell Urizen caused. Basically, a list of things that would generally result in Nero falling into the same category as everyone else—another burned bridge, another person who hates him, and Vergil is quick to close doors. He expects no consideration from Nero, no more than he’s shown, and V was aware they had horribly hurt Nero (esp since V was weaponising Nero’s issues surrounding that).

But instead of just completely writing Vergil off like Vergil expects, Nero extends this declaration of ‘not dying’ to him as well. Sure, Vergil immediately tries to throw up the usual prideful walls what w/ that ‘if I beat Nero I win by default’ stuff, but then he later tries to get Nero to stand down rather than continuing the fight, saying it has nothing to do w/ him [Nero], and then his reaction to Nero’s ‘it has everything to do w/ me’… He just doesn’t know how to react to Nero? He expects one thing, but Nero just keeps defying his assumptions (which takes some mighty powerful heart and compassion on Nero’s part bc while I do see Vergil as incredibly tragic and don’t think he’s fully ‘responsible’ for Urizen’s actions, Nero doesn’t have a lot of that info, but he’s making the decision that this is fucked up and no family of his is going to kill each other—so anyway while I do love me the angsty drama dads, let me just say I love Nero, too).

It’s with Nero that bits of his awkward, ‘tsundere’ side come out, ever so slightly. He and Dante have trapped themselves in a pattern, Dante bc he’s Tired and has just resigned himself to the necessity of it an wants to get it over w/ and Vergil bc at his core he’s afraid to try anything else bc he sees it as weakness. But I said this before, I think Nero being his son and Nero being… How Nero is, all heart and and good and warm and compassionate, to the point that he’s defying not just the ‘inevitability’ of Vergil and Dante being at odds, but literally fighting to save him, after all he’s done… I think that meant something.

Obviously, it’s not going to be simple or easy, and I do think that, now that he’s been given hope that he can get through to Vergil and not have to kill him (which I think he’d concluded was a sort of mercy kill?), Dante is the best person for Vergil to get used to his emotions etc. w/ bc they have that deep understanding of each other and what happened, esp now, but… I love how Nero cracked his shell there? Like… He’s not really prepared for it, but I think I can see Vergil wanting to at least try to be some kind of parental, esp after he’d recovered a bit more? And I do think he’d also respect if Nero ultimately told him to get lost (although I can seem him, like, watching from afar or something), even now, bc again w/ the whole I think he has no expectations of what others think of him, but… I do see him wanting (and maybe having trouble accepting that he wants it, at first) to be part of Nero’s life in some way? Esp in a vein of… Wanting to preserve Nero’s ‘goodness’ for lack of a deeper word? Bc I can see a slightly more recovered post dmc5 Vergil not wanting his son to fall down the same holes he did. Like, they’ve all gone through trauma, and lost people, but Vergil is now very aware that he ended up hurting and even killing people and very nearly destroying himself and going absolute monster, to the point his twin brother, who understood him on another level, in their own way, resigned to having to kill him to stop it (I genuinely think for all his talk, Dante did see it as a bit of a mercy kill, the only way he could preserve the last shreds of the brother he loved and keep Vergil from actually going Full Urizen [V even existing means that Vergil wasn’t completely gone, but I think he was on thin ice]). Dante’s already dragged into this by the very same events that placed him there, but Nero has a chance not to be, which I think was part of his ‘this has nothing to do w/ you’ thing, and I totally see Vergil following that sentiment and wanting to keep Nero from ever turning out like him.

Vergil’s probably never going to be ‘nice’ or very good at empathy or things like that. It may forever take him more willpower to think about others. He may need to start small (like just Nero and/or Dante). He’ll probably still be insensitive for years to come. He’ll never be able to be as easily open and compassionate as Nero and Dante. And he knows he can’t change the past, can’t undo the Arkham incident, or what he did to Nero, or the fact that his stubbornness, pride, inability to ask for help, obsessive habits, and indifference/inconsideration for consequences had calamitous results. He’s not magically good or saved bc he has a kid, but I think even just knowing about and seeing Nero act the way he did resonated w/ something he thought he’d lost a long time ago. Nero and V’s interactions have a whole new light for him now. I absolutely think if Dante’s willing the twins should stick together bc they balance each other, Dante can watch him, won’t take his shit, and wants to help him be better, but… I think even if that didn’t happen… There’s a chance just knowing Nero exists and is so… Good could enough of a catalyst for Vergil to find a different way to live, even on his own. Like there’s a sense of pride? Not in the vein of taking responsibility for Nero turning out as good as he did, but, like, in the way people sometimes say ‘I’m sorry’ like ‘I’m sorry that you are sad’ as in ‘I am expressing sympathy for your sadness.’ Pride that Nero has achieved this, and is strong in his own right. If that makes sense.

He will always be rather an asshole. But, esp if he has some support for his issues and someone watching him… He can do better. Like… Do better. He’ll always be stiffer and pricklier than everyone else, he’ll probably be more pragmatic, think more w/ logic than w/ heart. Emotions and empathy and compassion will always be hard.

But those interactions (and, honestly, that whole ending, even more honestly, the themes of the whole game), def gave me the impression that he could absolutely do better.

… I just went on a total stream of consciousness ramble, so, uh, virtual treat of your choice if you read all that.

#DMC #today on Fire was looking at gifs and had Feelings #TT^TT #I'm not gonna tag much bc I typed SO MUCH in this post DX #I should really give the fam precious tags I love all three of them so much #Demon Drama Fam

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