#i hate the version on this site<3

[unicornofgt]

alright, i have come to the decision i am keeping this blog up as an archive and leaving the gt tumblr community for the foreseeable future.

when i made my post about chamomile-g-tea’s damaging treatment of my story, gtms, my goal was to acknowledge the situation so i could hopefully move forward and restore gtms/my blog as mine again, without her influence. and while i anticipated backlash, some of the responses were just...downright disturbing. lots of comments echoed a victim-blaming sentiment that i am responsible for the emotional and creative damage done to me by another person because ‘why didn’t you just say no or tell her to stop?’ not only does this ignore the several attempts i did make to express discomfort and set boundaries—which were not respected—but even if i didn’t manage to express a ‘no’, that doesn’t make what happened ok; it doesn’t erase the year of crippling pressure and guilt i lived with and still struggle to shake daily. realizing that so many people in this community think otherwise is just...disturbing. it’s disturbing. that’s the only word i can think to use.

the response to all this does not make me feel safe being here—that’s what this situation has unfortunately showed me: that the audience i hoped to allow to view my reclaiming process would also contain the same crowd who make me feel so unsafe—and why the fuck would i let those people see something as personal as that? why would i let them see anything? it’s made me understand i can’t continue to heal myself and my writing if i am posting it for other people, especially harmful people. and even though it turned out this way, i’m glad i gave it a shot; that i made that post as an effort to see if it was even possible or worth it to restore this space—even if the answer was no! absolutely fucking not!—because it saved me from even more time spent sharing my work with people who do not respect me as a person or a creator. i’m glad i tried, however much it sucked, because it allowed me to understand: it is not just one person in this community i feel unsafe with, but a solid percentage of the community at large that i just cannot healthily engage with, and no amount of blocking will fix that.

but of course this is not the only situation that showed me this community’s true colors—the dismissive or outright aggressive response to the calling out of racism in our tropes has also been deeply disturbing. to clarify, there is no problem in identifying with and finding comfort or catharsis in problematic tropes such as the pet trope, but there is a problem with using that comfort to make others feel unsafe and speak over people of color. and the solution to this trope problem is very simple—generally apply critical thinking skills to the media you enjoy, and tag your shit properly (dead dove, particularly when the giant owner/abuser doesn’t face consequences and/or if the abused/abuser fall in ‘love’—dead dove is not actually currently used in this community, that’s the problem). but rather than taking this as an opportunity to listen and improve, it was instead used as a chance to lash out at and make clear that poc are not welcome in this community and come secondary to the feelings of white creators and readers.

over the last few years, this community has fostered and been exposed for bigotry such as terfs, ableists, racists, etc, and especially in the current political era, this is no longer a community i want to share my work with or even just lurk in. and i know on the surface this community seems progressive, but take a better look and you’ll find members of the community doing and saying…questionable things, or keeping quiet and enabling their friends who do and say questionable things because they would rather be passive and polite than be genuinely kind and compassionate through active accountability.

of course this is the risk you take interacting with any person ever—but it’s especially taxing to look around at such a small, close knit community you know is riddled with these problems and wonder if the people making innocent posts are actually harmful; if they prioritize their comfort over the safety of marginalized people, if they even see you as a full person, and for me, personally—if they are willing to overlook consent to blame you for your trauma and defend the person who inflicted it. it’s taxing to explain basic basic concepts to strangers over and over in a place that prides itself on being a safe space, where people just have fun and mentally escape from irl hardships. it’s taxing to ride out shitty, hateful treatment when you are just simply one person (voluntarily providing free services btw) with only so much energy and fucks to give. it is not worth the strain it puts on you as a person, nor is it your responsibility to sit there and accept it, and i am not the only creator in this community who feels this way. we are fucking tired.

quite simply, this is not a community i feel comfortable participating in or sharing anything with. and that’s a shame, because there are wonderful, creative and caring people here who i have enjoyed sharing this space with, and maybe someday i’ll give this community another chance, but currently it’s just not worth the time of day. and i want to make it clear: my leaving is not simply because of just one person or just one situation—that i could handle—it is the community itself that is the root problem; that continues to be harmful, in multiple contexts—that is the reason why i and several other creators are leaving for greener pastures and more enjoyable communities—or just simply for a fucking moment’s worth of peace, because lord knows you won’t find it here.

[knifegremliin]

so dashboard unfucker is no longer working! i'm unsure of how active i'm going to be now because i fucking hate the ui and i do not use sites that i hate the ui of LMAO

[coockie8]

I think it's honestly for the best I don't have the patience to learn how to dox people, 'cause like :/ :/ :/

Yeah, if I'm looking up how to get out of the canvas mode of some program and I have to scroll passed more than 4 different how-to's, one of which is teaching how to access what I'm stuck in, I will knock your teeth out if I ever meet you in person.

I think it goes without saying that if I looked up "how to get out of X programs canvas mode" then I'm probably not looking for "how to access X programs canvas mode"

[comradecowplant]

another day that ends in y, another day in which ultimate-guitar inflames a new hatred inside of me that i did not know could be there :)

[largeworm]

It's genuinely kind of upsetting how quickly social media's keep shooting themselves in the foot to just have something to show to higher ups and making their sites more and more user unfriendly. It reminds me of the Oreo CEO skit from College Humor/Dropout TV.

The new Discord update for mobile is genuinely disheartening by how little they seem to care about people hating the new layout. Which honestly, the DMs now being at the bottom and no longer swipping to see server members is annoying. But as someone who very easily gets god awful headaches from heavy contrast and light, the new "default" themes are... very unfriendly to people like me. Let me show you the difference in old Discord's dark mode vs the new:

Like, holy shit, it's Bad. The new one on the right is barely usable for me, it was giving me strain after only an hour or two of use. And it's not even their darkest mode, which is pure black, but it's their only other option aside from pure white in Light Mode.

If you don't want eyestrain, you'll have to pay the 10$ a month nitro not to get migraines. I have the 3$ version, and I can not change the theme with it to their other options. I was able to fix it by fighting all of my settings for an hour to get it back to the original color palette, but jfc. I shouldn't have to reset all my phone setting, open and relaunch discord, and pray that it decides the "automatic setting" is the non-eyeball burning classic dark mode.

The world and social media is just slowly getting more and more unuser friendly, especially towards people with light sensitivity (I can rant for hours about car headlight luminosity regulations). Just kinda disheartening to see Discord so adamantly against changing any of the new UI stuff, especially is they decide to no longer have the class color palette accessible in the future :/

[0sbrain]

here's a list of mozilla add-ons for all of you tumblrinas out there to have a better internet experience

also, if you like my post, please reblog it. Tumblr hates links but i had to put them so you adhd bitches actually download them <3 i know because i am also adhd bitches

BASIC STUFF:

AdGuard AdBlocker / uBlock Origin : adguard is a basic adblock and with origin you can also block any other element you want. for example i got rid of the shop menu on tumblr

Privacy Badger : this add on will block trackers. if an element contains a tracker it will give you the option to use it or not

Shinigami Eyes: this will highlight transphobic and trans friendly users and sites using different colors by using a moderated database. perfect to avoid terfs on any social media. i will explain how to use this and other add-ons on android as well under the read more cut

THINGS YOU TUMBLINAS WANT:

Xkit: the best tumblr related add on. with many customizable options, xkit not only enhances your experience from a visual standpoint, but provides some much needed accessibility tools

bonus: if you are into tf2 and wanna be a cool cat, you can also get the old version to add cool reblog icons

AO3 enhancer: some basic enhancements including reading time and the ability to block authors and tags

YOUTUBE

Return of the YouTube Dislike : pretty self explanatory

Youtube non-stop: gets rid of the annoying "Video paused. Continue watching?" popup when you have a video in the background

SponsorBlock: gives you options to skip either automatically or manually sponsors, videoclip non music sectors and discloses other type of sponsorships/paid partnerships

Enhancer for YouTube: adds some useful options such as custom play speed, let's you play videos in a window and most important of all, it allows you to make the youtube interface as ugly as your heart desires. I can't show a full image of what it looks like because i've been told its eye strainy and i want this post to be accessible but look at this <3

PocketTube: allows you to organize your subscriptions into groups

YouTube Comment Search: what it says

FINDING STUFF

WayBack Machine: you probably know about this site and definitely should get the add on. this allows you to save pages and access older versions with the click of a button. while you can search wayback using web archives, please get this one as well as it allows you to easily save pages and contribute to the archive.

Web Archives: it allows you to search through multiple archives and search engines including WayBack Machine, Google, Yandex and more.

Search by Image: allows you to reverse image search using multiple search engines (in my experience yandex tends to yield the best results)

Image Search Options: similar to the last one

this next section is pretty niche but... STEAM AND STEAM TRADING

SteamDB: adds some interesting and useful statistics

Augmented Steam: useful info specially for browsing and buying games

TF2 Trade Helper: an absolute godsend, lets you add items in bundles, keeps track of your keys and metal and your recent trades, displays links to the backpack tf page next to users profiles and more. look it tells me how much moneys i have and adds metal to trades without clicking one by one oh may god

IN CONCLUSION: oooooh you want to change to firefox so badly, you want to delete chrome and all the chrome clones that are actually just spyware and use firefox

HOW TO USE MOZILLA ADD-ONS ON YOUR PHONE

if you already use firefox on android, you'll know there are certain add-ons compatible with the app, some of them even being made just for the mobile version such as Video Background Play FIx. while most of them are pretty useful, some more specific ones aren't available on this version of the browser, but there's a way of getting some of them to work

you need to download the firefox nightly app, which is basically the same as the regular firefox browser but with the ability of activating developer mode. you can find how to do that here. once you've enabled it, you need to create a collection with all the add ons you want. i wouldn't recommend adding extensions if the creators haven't talked about phone compatibility, but XKit and Shinigami Eyes should work

also, don't tell the government this secret skater move, but you can try using both the regular firefox browser and nightly so you can have youtube videos in a floating box while you browse social media.

see? i can block this terf while Rick Rolling the people following this tutorial. isn't that tubular?

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

I'm an A-Level student and so many of my classmates use ChatGPT for essays in Law and RS and stuff - like, they sound proud of themselves, as if they're cheating the system and being clever? Just makes me feel very bleak. What are we doing man

Well, the unfortunate news for them is that they are going to struggle if they make it to uni.

This is the big problem with AI - it cannot analyse a single thing. If I were to say to you "What are the features Tumblr users would most want and why?", you are a human being with a brain and experiences and decision-making skills, and you could probably sit and come up with an answer. You would base that answer on things you personally find lacking, or want to see; you would also base it in things you have seen others bemoaning on the site.

For example, I reckon I'd say something like:

The permanent ability to boop people with a cat paw, which is implemented as opt-in. Also customisable, so you can choose whether you want a random cat paw to appear on your screen each time it happens to you. Also a different animation for super boop/evil boop, and maybe more boop options than those two, and maybe also different paw colours.

Actual enforcement of hate speech rules. We all agree to them when we join, so it's perfectly legal to delete someone for spouting Nazi shit AND YET.

No more banning or censoring queer folks' accounts

More ability to adjust the interface for disabled bloggers, e.g. colour and contrast, font, layout, switching off moving GIFs or other animations by default, etc.

Tag editing, it's frustrating having to delete whole tags.

Tag memory! Where have my tags gone??? For a year now I have slightly better luck on desktop, but for the most part, which of my tags are remembered by autofill and which are never, ever offered to me has been wholly divorced from how often I've used them. And my tags are often lengthy and odd, so it's become much harder to use mobile.

No data scraping. This is the anti-cap site thank you. Also on that note, get rid of the For You section and any other algorithmic tracking, because it's just as likely to show you a Nazi blog as an anti-Nazi one as long as you have spent any time at all discussing Nazism.

Better blocking ability, on that note.

Better search function

I could go on, but you get the idea. That's analysis that I've done, based on discussions I have seen and taken part in, and my own experiences.

I just asked ChatGPT. Here's what it had to say:

"Tumblr users have diverse preferences, but there are several features that many users would likely appreciate: 1. Improved Content Discovery: Tumblr is known for its vast array of content, so improving content discovery mechanisms such as personalized recommendations, trending topics, and enhanced search functionality can help users find more of the content they enjoy. 2. Enhanced Customization Options: Tumblr users value the ability to customize their blogs extensively. Providing more themes, layout options, and customization tools can empower users to express themselves creatively and make their blogs unique. 3. Integration of Multimedia Formats: Tumblr is a platform where users share various types of multimedia content, including images, GIFs, videos, and audio. Enhancing support for different media formats, improving media upload and management features, and optimizing the viewing experience can enhance user engagement. 4. Improved Mobile Experience: Many Tumblr users access the platform via mobile devices. Therefore, optimizing the mobile app for better performance, usability, and feature parity with the desktop version can greatly enhance the user experience. 5. Community Engagement Features: Tumblr has a vibrant community, so features that facilitate interaction among users, such as improved messaging, reblogging, tagging, and commenting functionalities, can foster a sense of community and increase user engagement. 6. Content Moderation Tools: Given the diverse content on Tumblr, providing users with robust content moderation tools, including options for filtering, blocking, and reporting inappropriate content, can help ensure a safer and more enjoyable experience for all users. 7. Monetization Options for Creators: Many Tumblr users are content creators who would appreciate opportunities to monetize their content. Introducing features such as ad revenue sharing, subscription-based content, or integrated e-commerce capabilities can incentivize creators to produce high-quality content and invest more in their Tumblr presence. 8. Accessibility Features: Improving accessibility features such as alt text support for images, screen reader compatibility, and customizable text sizes and color schemes can make Tumblr more inclusive and accessible to users with disabilities. 9. Privacy and Security Enhancements: Enhancing privacy controls, data protection measures, and account security features can help users feel more confident and secure when using the platform, which is especially important given concerns about online privacy and security. 10. API and Third-Party Integration: Opening up Tumblr's API and allowing for easier integration with third-party services and apps can encourage innovation and development within the Tumblr ecosystem, providing users with more options and flexibility in how they use the platform. Overall, focusing on improving content discovery, customization options, community engagement, and user safety while also providing opportunities for creators to monetize their content can help Tumblr retain and attract users in a competitive social media landscape."

It's possible that feels alright, on first glance. But take a closer look.

Every point made is vague, and disconnected from any real life examples. In the very first point, it thinks we want better search functions (yes!) but also more algorithmic recommendations (no!). It wants us to have personalised recommendations AND better security, in fact, which are incompatible - but an LLM doesn't and can't know that. Monetisation of the platform is something that has historically faced appalling backlash from users, and this thing is suggesting ad revenue sharing and subscription services.

Because, its suggestions are generic suggestions. These are not Tumblr-specific. No mention of queerphobia, no mention of Nazis, and absolutely zero understanding of what the specific users on this site actually want.

... all of which is to say...

It's what is academically known as descriptive work. It lays out some facts, but there's no depth, no analysis, no interpretation of those facts at all. Why would we want third party integration? What apps are we calling for? Give examples. Would that aid ad-blocking? Search functions? In that case, wouldn't third-party integration be tackling the symptoms and not the cause? Shouldn't we work better ad-blocking and search functions into Tumblr at a base level?

And in school - even up to A Level - that's okay. You won't get top marks for that, because it's all too vague and too descriptive, but it's fine. School-level assignments tend to be more broad and less applied, too, which LLMs fare better with.

But in university, you start with descriptive facts, and then you are expected to analyse. If you cannot analyse, you run a very real risk of failing. Which means if you've spent your GCSEs and A Levels not bothering to learn those analytical skills and letting ChatGPT do the work for you, you are going to face an extremely uphill struggle when the expectations of study increase.

So, to round off, try not to get too discouraged. You know you aren't doing it, which means you are the one actually learning and developing and growing. Others will learn eventually, and probably more painfully. You do you!

[ihavethedreamies]

Spicy (3 v2) | Jongho

Choi Jongho - ATEEZ

Rating: M (18+) MDNI

Word Count: 3.3k (exactly!)

Pairing: Jongho x AFAB!Reader

Genre: Reader-Insert, Smut, Little bit of Fluff, Some Plot, Sequel/Part 3

!!This is smut…if that much isn't clear you should probably leave now!! MDNI!

Warnings: She/Her Pronouns used, Pet Names (Princess, Sweet Girl, Love, etc.), Swearing, Kissing, Oral (M! & F! Receiving), Deepthroating, Face-Fucking, Fingering, Cockbulge (Oops), Big Dick! Jongho, Daddy Kink (Of course), He gets kind of rough, Unprotected Sex (Use a condom! Reader is on the pill)

Disclaimer: I do have the whole cock-bulge thing in this. I understand this could be a bit offensive to some who are on the heavier side (I am in that group as well). I also have the reader being pretty short even though I am 5'7". The reason being is I have a size difference kink/fetish, mostly because I am not small, and so I put it into a lot of my stories. Sorry if this doesn't align with your body type, but I also imagine a character in my place for these, so I don't sometimes take into account what others do.

Author's Note: This is one version of Part 3, 1st = "Love or Hate", and then Part 2, "Sweet or Spicy" leads to this one. You really don't need to read Part 1 for this to make sense, but Part 2 is kind of helpful but not needed.

Want Sweet instead?

Uh…this reveals more about me than probably anything else I have wrote so far… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Jongho is the Daddiest Kpop Idol this side of the Mississippi

I am cross-posting this on Archive. Please reblog! If you know anyone that would like this or future fics but they aren't on here my name and icon are exactly the same on the other site. Happy reading!

"Rail me. Fuck me stupid." You decided and he smirked against your neck, then bit your shoulder. You moaned at the pressure, not enough for it to hurt.

"Where?"

"Everywhere." You wanted him to take you there on that couch, at the dining table, the kitchen counter, your bed, the floor, your shower.

"You have enough condoms for me to take what I want?" He ground you down on him again, harder than before.

"I'm on the pill, just fill me up." You whined and he practically growled.

"Fuck, (Y/N)." With very little effort, he pulled you to him and stood while carrying you. Moving toward the kitchen island, he placed you to sit on it making you two eye level. The cold countertop met the hot skin of your thighs, and he brought his hand to the back of your head. Instead of pulling you into his kiss, his fingers buried in your hair and yanked your head back, so he had complete access to your neck. Your eyes rolled back at the feeling, and he was sucking on your skin so hard you knew there would be bruises. Jongho quickly grew frustrated with the sweatshirt you had on covering you so much, to the point he nearly tore it off of you. You were just in your bra underneath and he smirked at the blush spreading over your chest and cleavage. Pulling you to the edge of the counter, this let him grind into your covered cunt again and you mewled at the feeling. Jongho deftly undid your bra, and he threw it somewhere behind him. His kisses moved down your throat to the swell of your breast.

"Shirt, please." You clawed at the collar of his shirt, desperate to see and feel even more of his bare skin. He hummed in thought, but when you started to pull it up, he stepped away and you whined in frustration.

"Be patient, pretty girl." He smirked and you sneered. He knew what he was doing to you. Little shit. You put your hands down, and he came back to you, kissing down your chest again, then to your sternum. As he moved to kiss over your ribs, he sank to his knees in front of you.

"Jongho-!" His next move made you squeal, falling back and catching yourself on your elbows: he grabbed your waist to pull your butt right to the edge of the counter, and placed your thighs on his shoulders. He marveled at the sight of your wetness soaking through not just your underwear but your shorts as well. Even his tongue was strong, it licked up your core through the fabric and he sucked hard over where your clit was hidden. You let out a moan that echoed across your apartment.

"Fuck, you taste good." He groaned and took your shorts off so aggressively you heard the seams pop. Next thing you knew, he literally tore your panties off, like, in half. The shredded fabric landed somewhere behind him, and you were glad you put on some that were cheap. Feeling quite embarrassed that he was just staring at you, you wiggled a bit, your bare butt touching the cold counter. Without warning he began to suck your soul out through your cunt. It took the breath away from you. He sucked on your clit again then buried his tongue inside as deep as he could, digging his fingers into your hips and butt, most likely leaving bruises there as well. You felt your orgasm approaching rapidly, your head whirling and your walls clenched on his tongue. His face was pressed into you so much you felt him smile and then he plunged a finger into you. Your fingers were stupidly short and small that just one of his fingers felt heavenly. You could feel the strength there immediately when he crooked it up and immediately found your g-spot.

"Oh my god-" Jongho pressed and rubbed there hard, his tongue on your clit, and you came. He pulled back and reveled in the feeling of your cunt clenching on his finger. He just knew you would be so tight around his cock. After the waves died down, he stood and helped you sit back up on the counter. The position change pressed your hot cunt on the cold counter, and you shivered. Wrapping his arms around you, he helped you get down, then with ease he spun you around and bent you over the counter. Whining, wanting desperately for him to just take off his shirt already so you could see, he scoffed. Holding you in place by grinding his still covered hard on into your bare cunt, you heard the rustling of fabric and then his shirt hitting the floor. You whined again and his hand came down on your ass. You knew he could have done it a lot harder, the slight sting burned through your lower half.

"Patience." He scolded and his dominant tone made your core clench once again. So hard in fact he could feel it even through the clothes over his cock.

"Oh, you're going to be the death of me…" He muttered and you echoed his sentiments in your head.

"You think you could get off with me just grinding into you?" He asked and he smirked when you clenched again.

"I could come just riding your thigh." You admitted and he groaned, planning on getting proof later. Jongho stepped back slightly, smirking at the glossy patch left on his jeans, then took off his belt and let his pants fall. When you whined again, he smacked the other ass cheek and stilled obediently. You fought back another mewl when you heard more rustling, then the hot flesh of his cock met your pulsing core.

"Oh fuck." You gasped, already able to tell he was going to split you in half. With that confidence he exuded, you already kind of knew what he was packing.

"Y-you can do it however hard you want to later but go inside slow please." Not that you were a virgin, but you had never taken a horse cock like his before.

"Of course, princess." He kissed your shoulder, leaning over you, the head of his dick meeting your cunt. His strong arms wrapped around you, one hand rubbing comforting circles over your lower stomach. His other arm rested against your sternum between your breasts, his hand just gently holding the base of your throat. You knew Jongho could hold you completely still like this and just feeling him wrap completely around you so securely was overwhelming. It fueled your lust, but you also felt so safe and protected like this.

"Ready?" He whispered in your ear, and you whined with a nod, and he pressed forward, burying the head of his cock into you. The breath left you, the pleasure and sting combined nearly made you delirious already.

"Breathe, sweet girl." Jongho rested his forehead on your shoulder as you did what he said. You were so freaking tight, hot, and wet. He couldn't wait to devour you. He was going to fuck you stupid, and you both knew it. Inch by inch he filled you to the brim and you weren't sure you could take all of him. Your whole body shivered, and your walls thudded with your pulse around him. You could feel his own pulse through his cock as well, every detail of his cock burned into your walls.

"Fuck-" You tried hard not to clench around him too hard, trying to relax. The head of his dick had hit your cervix, but his hips hadn't met yours yet, telling you he wasn't in you all the way. His hand on your lower stomach stilled and pressed down. He let out a deep groan, he could feel his cock bulging through. He had stilled completely, letting you get used to him, he could feel your ragged breathing as you tried to adapt. The hand on your stomach moved lower to your clit and you whined at the stimulation. It was almost too much.

"Move." You wheezed, still trying to stay relaxed. Jongho kissed your shoulder then pulled out a short bit, then slowly back in.

"Does that hurt still?"

"No." Your forehead was rested on your forearms, your fingers gripping your arms hard. It really didn't, but the feeling was so overwhelming for so many reasons.

"Okay, love. Hold on." He did warn you, you recognized that, you had to give him that credit. Didn't mean you were prepared. As he pulled slowly, nearly all the way out, it was like he was sucking your breath out with a syringe. You hoped your neighbors didn't hear as you nearly screamed when he slammed back in, all the way, hips meeting yours.

"Fuck, wait-" You scrambled, tears pricking your eyes. The pleasure wracked through you aggressively and you were already close to orgasming again.

"Did it hurt?" He had pulled back about halfway and stilled.

"No- Just, just a lot." You informed and since he knew you weren't in pain, he kept going. From where he was, he slammed his cock back into you, so much wetness dripping from you it was splattering on the floor.

"Fucking hell." He groaned, still just retreating halfway before burying inside you again. You were just trying to catch your breath, drool dripping from the side of your mouth onto the counter.

"Oh my god, Jongho!" Your eyes rolled back when he grinded into you after burying himself to the hilt. A few more extremely shallow but hard thrusts sent you over the edge again and his fingers dug hard into the flesh of your hips, holding his own back. The force of your orgasm left you shaking, and your cunt stung already.

"Where next, princess?" He asked, his voice rough and you answered without hesitation, still out of breath.

"D-down my throat." You could sense him smirk and he pulled out of you with a shluck and pulled you up so you could turn and kneel before him. You finally got to see him fully uncovered. Your mouth watered. Since he was extremely strong and worked out for strength and not appearances, he was extremely thick but not overly defined. Still, he was delicious. His chest that was always so hard and made all of his shirts stretch over them heaved as he breathed deep. Your eyes went down his arm, to his stomach. He didn’t have washboard abs, but you didn't care, what really got you was down lower. His thick thighs were the most defined, the defined veins emphasizing just how much muscle was there. Finally, standing proud between those perfect legs was his cock. You were surprised it even fit inside of you. Whining, you reached forward and wrapped your hand around him at the base. The slick of your wetness and his precum made your hand slide over the skin with ease. Your fingers couldn't even meet your thumb and you hoped your mouth could fit him. Giving the head of his cock a kitten lick, the taste sent you into overdrive and you then wrapped your lips around it.

"Fuck, (Y/N)." He grunted and you laved your tongue around him then began to descend. It didn't take long for him to reach the back of your throat and you moaned around him. The vibration migrated from your lips to his cock, and he then buried his fingers into your hair. Swallowing a few times, you eased him into your throat, your lips meeting your hand right when it reached the point where he would restrict your breathing. Pulling off of him, you glanced up at him with big, teary eyes and whispered, "Use me." So, he did. The fingers in your hair pulled you back to him and he thrust into your mouth, entering to the point where your hand was. Letting go of him, you braced your hands on the floor beneath you and then readjusted your squat some so he could angle his hips down to fuck your throat.

"Take a deep breath, baby girl." He told you and you breathed in hard through your nose and then he thrusted his cock deeper into your mouth and into your throat, your nose hitting hit pelvis. Your eyes rolled back at the feeling, gagging some. When he didn't moved past that you looked up to meet his eyes and he groaned, nearly sounding like an animal. Finally, when you were feeling the need to breathe, he pulled his hips back and let you take in air again through your nose. As he continued to thrust, he placed his hand over your throat to feel it swell with his cock and he wasn't sure if that felt better or your cunt.

"Get ready." Jongho's hand dug into the hair at the back of your head, and he fucked in all the way and then came. You swallowed and swallowed, moaning, helping him ride out his orgasm. He withdrew, still half hard, saliva and cum dripping from his cock and your mouth. You breathed raggedly, trying to catch your breath and the way he was looking down at you made you moan. He was so freaking hot.

"Where do you want me to fuck you next, kitten?" Jongho pet your hair as you looked around the apartment, somewhat dazed.

"The window?" He noticed you staring at the wall. You startled a bit at this. You had been considering it but was also too scared to actually suggest it. The building across from yours was an office space, and everyone should be out by then, but it was still somewhat risky. He could tell from your expression you weren't quite feeling that, and while he would love to see you squirm from embarrassment as he fucked you against the window, where anyone could see, this was your first time.

"O-on the armchair?" You nodded to the piece of furniture, and he smirked, helping you stand up, your legs still kind of shaky. You wiped off your mouth as he pulled you to him, sitting on the chair, having you straddle him.

"You can handle me like this?" He asked and while your nod was timid, your eyes were determined. Jongho had noticed earlier, but he knew the longer this went on, the more submissive you would grow. He wondered how far he could go with it. Might as well test it out.

"Come sit on daddy's cock, baby girl." His hands went to your hips, and you gasped. As he moved you to hover over his once-again fully hard dick, you gaped at him. On the inside he was a little unsure about your reaction, but he still had that cocky smirk on his face.

"O-okay, 'dy." He almost didn't catch the end since you had mumbled it.

"Hm?" You both knew he was teasing you. You couldn't meet his eye but repeated yourself, "Okay, daddy." Jongho felt your core clench from where the head of his cock sat between your lips.

"Slow," he instructed, and you began to sink down. Burying your face in his neck you huffed, the angle sending a whole new set of sensations through you. Able to see him now intensified everything and you loved the feeling of his bare skin pressed to yours. He finally fit all the way inside, he felt like he was in your throat and looked down to see him stretching you open. Your eyes widened at the sight, not necessarily because it looked like he was literally splitting you in half, but the slight bulge his massive cock presented through your lower abdomen.

"Of fuck." You whined and slumped back against him, and he laughed a bit hugging you to him. He pumped his hips up, grinding him even further into you and your nails dug in a bit into his shoulders.

"Rest back on your hands." Jongho helped maneuver you, so your palms rested on his knees, your arms behind you. This position made his cock rest in you at another new angle and his hands on you moved your hips. Your breath hitched over and over as the head brushed over a certain spot over and over. He could feel the strength leaving your arms, so he pulled you back up to rest on his chest.

"Okay, I'll take over." He assured you and, for some reason, you weren't expecting what he did next. You thought he would just thrust up into you, but instead he pulled you close and rolled you over, your back on the seat of the chair. He pressed your legs into your chest, knees to your ears, then started a quick and relentless pace. Your sanity left you and you just kept letting out high pitched whines. The chair was not a light one, but it was scraping slightly on the floor as he railed you. Luckily, the chair was some kind of fake leather because he was making a mess of you. Pretty soon you felt another orgasm rising and he just pounded you through it.

"W-wait, it's-!" You gasped, the overstimulation burning your clit.

"Just a bit-" He groaned, his voice rumbled through you and heat filled your insides as he came inside, so much that his cum spilled out from around his cock. He stayed buried as deep as he could as you both came down from your highs.

"Where next?" You couldn't believe it, but he was still rock hard inside of you. He proceeded to pick you up and fuck you against the wall. He brought you to your bedroom and took you three more times; from behind, on your back, and on your side. Your entire body was tingling, and your cunt numb, the evidence of him coming two more times spilling from your core. You lay on the bed, vibrating and staring at the ceiling. It was like you were in a different dimension, he really had fucked you stupid. While he was sure he could keep going, he knew you needed a break, so he went to get a washcloth to clean you up and you barely reacted till the towel hit your cunt. Your hips jumped and you keened, and he kissed at your collarbone till he was done. So as not to make more of a mess, he pulled a pair of boy-shorts underwear on you so his cum would stay inside you. He knew your birth control would hold steady, but seeing the white, sticky mess pooling from you nearly made him hard again.

"Daddy~" You whined when you saw him leaving and he smirked before coming back to you.

"It’s okay, petal. I'll be right back." He kissed you softly. By the time he came back after cleaning off the mess on the chair and floor, and put his underwear back on, you had drifted off, star-fished across the bed. Jongho smiled and carefully arranged you so he could pull the blanket over you. The clock read 10:57 pm, a few hours before you normally went to bed. You were already out though, so he shut the lights off and joined you. He sent a quick text to Hongjoong to let him know he wouldn't be back that night, then laid down facing you. You had curled up on your side and he faced you, bringing his hand to your cheek and stroking it.

"Jongho?" You mumbled; eyes still closed.

"Yes, petal?"

"I love you." Your voice was soft and laced with sleep.

"I love you too." He kissed your forehead, pulling you into his arms and he drifted to sleep himself, planning to never let you go.

Masterlist

[megumi-fm]

this fortnight in megumi.fm ▸ bye bye march👋

ft. unchecked ambition to recreate of the hardest Kpop dances (only in vain), lots of code debugging, and using Yeolpumta the wrong way

💻 Internship // progress tracker

-> detecting pockets in protein structures using 3diff pipelines -> finding consensus pockets using outputs of pipelines -> pocket alignment of protein models by structural alignment with a set of known binding site structures -> read base paper -> weekly presentations [2/2] besides these tasks I've been trying to modify all my code files such that they can run directly from the system terminal (i hate edge cases and this entire process has taken years off my life) so that I can upload it on github

🎓 Uni Stuff

-> charted out a timeline for master's applications deadlines and related work

👟 Kpop dances!!

completed! 🔥bye bye ankles ⇒ I'd started this way before I messed up my ankle and then I abandoned it but we are so back... I picked it up last week and finally! it is done. 💪 bts' magnum opus ⇒ the main challenge is ensuring to hit every beat at the right speed and my rendition is still far from refined but hey. atleast my moves have developed some fluidity currently <3 🧢 left, right and just vibes ⇒ really needed a breather after the first two dances and now I'm here xD although the main reason I picked this dance was bc I loved the part switch version and all the references // ✅chorus + prechorus ⚡ crush...ing my motivation ⇒ so much for taking a breather. I've been obsessed with this song and I tried to start learning it and... four seconds- that's how much I've learnt in past three days. but the satisfaction when I got those four seconds? immeasurable. // ✅1st chorus pt1/3

💿 Other Things This week

📅 started my 18day habit challenge! by which I simply mean I'm using Yeolpumta as a daily tracker app rather than a study app and I'm loving it <3 I get excited seeing different colours marked on the daily calendar and as a consequence I've been more productive lately :D 🍊 been eating healthier! lots of fruit and water intake and I've also been learning to cook! 📖 The Myth of Sisyphus <3 I don't read a lot of non fiction but this piece is hella intruiging and I'm having a lot of fun 🍕 Lunch with the besties [x2] 🎰 Gaming Arcade shenanigans yet again 🎆 Fest at Uni! One of the best bollywood singers of all time showed up and he sang bangers from our childhood; we had a blast 🎧 lots and lots of kpop and for some reason I keep coming back to Advice by Taemin

[ 18th - 31st Mar; week 13+14/52 || and with that, 1/4th of this year is done. I'm pretty satisfied with how I how i spent the past two weeks, hopefully I'm able to stay consistent 🤞]

[spicyclover]

No one can hurt you

Summary : A dinner of revelation and tragedy.

Hope you’ll enjoy it. Let me know in the comment section.

Thank you! :)

Lots of love, xxx Spicy Clover

DISCLAIMER : Rewrite and final version of "All the things you said" | Netflix show: One Day at the Time | Elena’s Story part | Season 3, ep 2.  WARNING: mention of physical and verbal aggression! Su*c*de WARNING !R@PE! WARNING: mention of SU*C*DE WARNING TOUGH CONTENT, BE AWARE

DISCLAIMER:  This story is fiction and has no correlation with reality. All site names making acts, violence or any other type of aggression are used for artistic purposes, and they did not commit those acts

If you need help. Please get help. You are loved, and your life is valued. Even if you don’t see it, you are loved.

The Monaco Grand Prix is in a few days and you will be slowly preparing for tonight’s dinner. Charles decided to organize a small evening for the pilots and their respective companions. It is in a magnificent hotel overlooking the sea that Charles booked the room and privatized the chef of the restaurant. The luxurious life of Monaco in its greatest fullness, you are always amazed by all the secrets that this small principality shelters.

You were third-wheeling your best friend Heidi to that party. She and Daniel invited you after running into you in the afternoon at the marina. Since you were little you know most of the pilots. So you are happy to have been invited to celebrate this new year of racing in Monaco with them. The evening was going well until the subject of the conversation crumbled into something darker.

“I gotta admit, I’m getting kind of confused.” Ends up saying, Checo rubbing his nose with his glass. 

“Oh, my god, me too. What if someone says, “I am not sleeping with you tonight?” And then... an hour later, they’re like, “Eh, fine.” What’s that?” Ask Lando, completely confused. 

“Unsurprising,” Pierre whispers under his breath, laughing. You laugh at with him, ignoring Lando's thunder.

“How many women have said, “Eh, fine”?” Questions Heidi sarcastically. 

“Yeah, I got to make some calls.”

“Now I’m perplexed.” Says Max trying to make sense of everything he heard. 

“I know. It’s confusing. I hate to admit it, but I feel sorry for men. This consent thing is tricky.” Kelly responded and gets up to pour herself more wine. 

“No.” You exclaim annoyed by her comment. “Women always blame themselves, and then the man never has to take responsibility. During rape prevention week at the university, all the signs are aimed at women. “Girls, don’t dress provocatively. Girls, don’t walk alone.” How about, “Hey, guys, don’t rape.”" You look up at Pierre knowing perfectly it will trigger him.

“Oh, my god, why are we talking about that? I took a couple pictures as a joke, and Cece thought it was funny.” Pierre exclaims as he gets up from his chair to get himself another beer at the bar. 

“Did she? Or did she feel like she had to laugh ‘cause she doesn’t know what else to do with your hand on her boob?” Everyone around the table falls silent and waits. You get up from your chair and walk you way to Pierre.

“Ok, sweetie, take it easy.” Adds Sebastian taking your arm and tries to calm the conversation.

“No. He thinks what he did is cute. You are basically a predator.” You accuse, pointing your finger at him. 

“You’re basically a psycho.” Pierre replies, knowing full well it will trigger you.

“Good, call me crazy for defending a woman’s right not to be groped!”

“You’re mad ‘cause the internet told you to be. You don’t know my life or even leave this apartment!” Pierre screams as he approaches you.

“Because of guys like you!” You answer with the same intonation. 

“What are you talking about?” Charles asks, taking your hand for you to sit down.

You and Charles are special. You’ve been like ass and shirt since childhood. You’ve known him since you were six. For as long as you can remember, Charles has always been one of your dearest childhood friends. You have shared so much together. No one has ever made you vibrate like he does. Usually his simple touch makes you calmer and reassuring. But you are no longer able to appreciate this contact that you cherish so much.

“You want to know?” You said, scoffing. “Okay. A couple of weeks ago, Heidi and I were coming home from the movies, and we were holding hands. And we noticed these guys staring at us, and then we changed the sidewalks , and they followed us.” You speak with tears in your eyes. 

“What?” Sebastian says concerned in his voice. His turn your body to him.

“Yes. And they were going, “Come one, you guys, kiss. We really wanna see it. Just kiss.” They thought that was really funny, too.” You continue telling while drinking a sip of your glass.

“It was actually terrifying.” Ends up adding Heidi after Daniel stares at her intently. 

“It was terrifying. And then we finally lost them in a crowd and ran home...” You finish in a huff trying to hold back your tears. Your hand hides your eyes and you try at best to find your calm.

Charles, in his divine goodness, hastens to extinguish you warmly. At first, his touch hurts you and you have only one desire to remove his hands from your dirty body. Yet you cling to him like a lifeline. Deep down, you know it's time. Time to tell what happened that night, a year ago. Nobody dares to speak at your revelation and everyone feels guilty for not knowing sooner.

“Umm... Last year after the Monaco Grand Prix. Lance Stroll raped me. He was my friend, and he raped me in my own bedroom. And then, he threatened me not to tell anyone... but. Why did he do this?” You ask breaking down in tears. “Sorry, I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what... I feel.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Sebastian asks tenderly, approaching you rubbing his hand on your back. 

“I tried, but... nobody listened to me.” You respond looking at Lando through your tears. Your eyes pierce Lando’s being. He doesn’t know where to put himself and his cheeks become red. He implores you to keep your mouth shut, but the situation no longer belongs to you. You feel the body of Charles being redeemed against yours and you notice that he followed your gaze.

“You knew.” He accuses Lando turning his attention abruptly towards him.

“I... I.” He tries to defend himself. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“Oh, you think she knew what to do either.” He yells, getting up from his chair and grabbing him by the collar. 

“Charles, let him go!” Orders Carlos. 

“You let her suffer silently when you knew what he did to her. I thought you were better than this. T’es qu’une grosse merde.” You’re a piece of shit

“Oh please, like you would have done something? We all know he’s untouchable and has done it before.” Admitted Lando, pushing Charles away. 

“What?” Sebastian speaks up. This is the first time he has heard this from his former teammate. He never thought he would ever see Lance in this light.

“Nothing.” 

“It’s nothing? He raped her, and now other girls too?” Charles advances again, preventing him from fleeing the situation.

“Don't play fouls, Charles. You were in his hotel room at the party in Abu Dhabi last year, and I quite remember your hands on some teenage girls, groping them.” He said suddenly, pushing Charles out of his way again.

“What?” You speak up, troubled by Lando's affirmation.

“It’s not what it looks like.” Charles turns to you, trying to explain himself. You get up from your chair and walk back as you see him approach.

“Don’t touch me.” You say, pushing him away. “Did you do it?”

“I... It’s not the same thing.” He justified himself.

“Yes. It actually is. Did you grope those teenage girls or worse raped them?” You ask scandalized. Charles, your best friend, your confidant, the one you most trust is capable of the same thing as the person who hurt you the most.

“Oui,” he admits in a small voice. “I didn’t want to.”

“You didn’t want to? What the fuck, Charles. What's wrong with you all?” You yell, taking your stuff and leaving as fast as possible. 

The thought of all this happening to so many more makes you sick. How could nobody speak up about this? You walk down the hotel hallway. You can hear footsteps and Charles's voice telling you to come back. When you get to the lobby, you ask for a taxi home. Tears fall down your cheeks, and you look at him as you push the door out. 

You take your taxi and give him your address. All you want right now is a shower. A warm and reassuring shower. To pull away all those memories and thoughts. You want to scream to the world. You want to smash your entire apartment down. You want to stay in bed for the rest of your life. You want to jump off the roof. You want to cut yourself so that the pain stops. You want to be set free.

You arrive at the complex. Your dark thought runs in circles in your head. Like a robot, you open the door, press the elevator, and finally unlock your apartment. You let your essentials fall on the ground with your bag and coat. Like a machine, you take your shoes off and open the lights. 

The sight of your home, which does not feel like home anymore. Since Lance pushes himself into you while you try to make him go away, this place hasn’t felt like home. You can’t even sleep in your own bed anymore. No matter how many times you clean the sheets, change the bed. This memory comes running back into your mind. Invade you like a parasite. 

You go to the bathroom and open the valve to fill the bathtub. You watch the water. You can hear your phone blowing up with notifications and calls. “Why does this world have to be this cruel?” You think, taking your clothes off. 

Your body envelops itself in the heat of the water, and you close your eyes. Your body slips in the bath. You head underwater. You hear focusing on your heart bit. You enjoy this moment of quietness and solitude. 

That’s it. You feel alone since that night he took your joy, your life, yourself. 

You can feel the water pressure you to gasp for air. Your head starts popping your blood. Your heart rises to find oxygen. You struggle. You have been struggling this long. You want to go, and you want to let go. 

You let the water go in, and suddenly, all the scary parts disappear. The explosion in your head fades away, and you’re not scared anymore. You find it relatively peaceful. Very peaceful. 

Strangely, you’re dreaming. Him with you. On a boat. Feeling the breeze in your hair. The warm sun on your skin. His light touches on your thigh. His breath on your neck. His lips are on your breast. You’re daydreaming. Are you? Is your mind trying to ease the pain in your heart? Is it even the day? 

Then. You open your eyes. You try to scream, but your head is under the water. You feel weak but strong. Sick but healthy. Chaos but at peace. You can feel your body wiggling, but your mind is different. No one can hurt you now. Quietly, your eyelids become heavy again, and what a moment ago hurt you the most now makes you feel good.

The water fills your lungs, and you sink more and more into the darkness. Nobody seems to pull you up. The seconds pass, but you no longer find the courage to go out. The bathtub disappears, and you find yourself in the sea. In a warm and welcoming sea; The Mediterranean. An infinity of blue. An infinity of sweetness. The noises are only deaf sounds, and you feel your brain more and more calm. The sun’s rays pass through the water, and you move further and further away from it. Your eyelids become more and more stretched.

Then you see beautiful blue eyes through the water. No fair. You can’t reach them but can’t stop staring at those ocean-blue eyes. Suddenly, you feel scared. Scared to leave those ocean eyes. You’re afraid, and you’re drowning under the waves of words you haven’t said to them, to you. 

You try to fight back this peaceful state, but darkness is an easier path than light. Suddenly the silence suffocates you, and you miss the sound surrounding you. 

Then comes the darkness.

When you leave the apartment, Sebastian watches Charles running after you. He can’t believe what has happened. He doesn’t want to consider it. How could he? He sees and goes to the door, and Charles is defeated on the ground. He passes by without a look and walk his way to the lobby. 

You have always been a fragile child. Even when you were a child. You were always this little fragile and precious porcelain doll. You’ve never been afraid of anything growing up. Sebastian always loved to see you grow up with him. Despite your age difference, he always considered you his little sister. The little one who needs to be protected from everything and at any cost. Knowing that you are suffering so much hurts him.

In the hallway, the walk seems long and endless, his thoughts wandering toward your shared memories. He remembers many summers spent in the countryside. At your grandparents' meadow, there was a vast field with a few horses grazing on the fresh grass. He remembers that beautiful-eyed little girl running in his direction.

You had dirt all over your clothes. Your hair was braided, and he still remembers the grass sticking in it. He remembers your laughter, which lit up the prairie thousands of miles away. Hearing you laugh has always been his favourite thing about you. Lost, it’s only when the doors block his way out that he remembers he has to go looking for you. He runs through the night towards your apartment.

Charles is devastated. Everything he tried to build with you has just broken in a moment. He feels lonely and ashamed. He wants you to know how much he loves you. How much you mean to him. How much you have become the center of his universe.

Before you, there was racing, and that was it. When you became something more his life change. It was as if you had lit the dormant fire in him. You have extinguished the flame since the death of his best companion, his father. You have given meaning to this quest. The stakes are not won but won for you.

He still remembers the first time he took you to his garage. You were with Sebastian. He was showing you around the Ferrari factory, showing you the different facilities, different parts. You were so captivated by his words, and your eyes were shining like stars in the sky. 

He remembers the moment when your eyes landed on him. The smile you had, and the dress you wore and the clip in your hair. He counts you. Unable to say anything. Captivated by your beauty.

“Hi, Charlie.” You said in your beautiful voice. 

He stuttered and blushed heavily. You laughed gently before putting your lips on each of his cheeks. He likes a kiss, and no, he likes your kisses. 

A hand falls on his shoulder, and he sees Pierre. Tears in his eyes prevent him from distinguishing himself perfectly, but he recognizes his friend.

“Don’t worry. She’ll come back.” He says softly. Taking him by the shoulders to lift him up and bring him back to the room. 

The others are still there. Confused and shaken, no one speaks. Silence reigns in the room, and no one knows what to say. Charles opens the patio door and leaves the fresh night air in the room. The city slowly began to calm down, and he heard the waves regularly hitting the harbour.

Daniel gets up and gets rid of the table. Putting this party away may make us forget the events that occurred. Heidi and Kelly help him while the others put orders in the room. No one dares to go to see Charles.

The hour passes quickly, and some decide to leave. They quickly greet the last remaining. Pierre observes his friend, who has not moved, and still looks at the sea.

It’s only when Charles' phone starts ringing that he looks away. He calmly enters the room and answers.

“Hello?”

You always liked the fields. You always loved hiding in the big wheat fields surrounding your grandparents' house when you were little. This stretch of yellow was as far as the eye could see. You liked feeling the stems between your fingers, the seeds melting to your touch, and the particular smell of wheat.

You remember a hot summer day. Lying on a tablecloth after a picnic, nature calms by this overwhelming heat, especially the calm of this yellow and green nature. You remember the farmer who held the farm. You spent days watching him working. Helping him through the mould. Watching him turn wheat powder into cereal. You remember this great man, always with a grain of wheat in his mouth that was constantly chewing.

You remember the hum that bees made at work. From wheat to wheat, pollen is harvested. You remember the nests in the hives that you created one summer. Your grandfather, with his jumpsuit, would go every morning and inspect the nests, and you loved watching him do it. You also loved to taste honey with each harvest. Honey is good. It’s sweet. It’s sweet. It’s wild.

You remember Sebastian. His blond hair, his smile, the sound of his kart engine. Many hours passed in his company at the track with his dad. You remember your big brother, following him and Sebastian all day long, like the annoying little sister you were. You remember falling from a tree after the boys thought it was a great idea to climb it. You see your brother jumping down the tree to get to you and hear Sebastian running back to the house to get help. You spent the night at the hospital. You broke your arms that summer, and you had a commotion. Your parents were furious and punished your brother for the rest of the vacation. 

You remember your first winter in the mountains. Mornings skiing, and afternoons making snowmen, eating maple syrup, drinking hot chocolate, just playing in the snow. See your happy brother’s face after he managed to get the last pancake.

You remember Sebastian’s victories. To see him move up from category to category. You remember his encounter with Hanna. You love Hanna. She is so sweet and kind. You remember your great jealousy towards her from the height of your twelve years. She who steals your Sebastian. She who steals your second brother. Oh yes, you were jealous, but she knew how to win your heart, and after all, she stayed.

You remember the Ferrari years. Everyone was in red. You saw the world with red glasses. Red like love. Red like anger. Red as the colour. Red as blood. It’s kind of at this time, when adolescence really starts that you start to change. Physically, mentally, and spiritually, you were no longer the wise little girl your parents admired and your brother despised. No, you grew up making mistakes, a lot of mistakes, until you met him.

Him. The golden boy. The one destined to be great.

You remember his perfume, his smell, his laughter, his mimics, his way of speaking, his way of being and his way of simply being. He intimidated you so much; this guy was destined for something big. Whereas you, we never expected much from you besides being pretty, lovely, not disturbing, quiet, and reserved.

Quiet. 

Reserved. 

Pretty. 

In those words, your brain falls into the dark side of your life. The darkened side of time. Painful and unhappy memories. The memories of him, the one who once was your best friend. He who once was your confidant. He who once saw fit to r*pe you.

To find you after the Grand Prix, in your apartment, in your house, in your home. To be a little too drunk, surely. To hold you firmly. To put his lips on yours. To hold your wrists. To put all his weight on your body. To force you into bed. To beg him to stop. To cry in silence. To feel it in you. To feel dirty. To feel unloved.

To feel alone, so lonely, too lonely. 

To find yourself curled up in a ball in a corner. To wait until morning for him to leave. To want to end your life. To end your nights. To seek help. To be abandoned. To be alone. To be dirty. To be silent. To be reserved. To be pretty.

To be pretty. 

To be pretty. 

To be. 

Silent is all you ask for. 

It’s been a long night. The hours have been staggering. The noises of monitors, nurses, doctors, and ambulances invade their ears. No one speaks, and no one dares speak. It is as if a white veil covers the weighing atmosphere and borrows all those present.

The wait is long, too long. They wait patiently for the outcome of this atrocious night, something that does not happen. Sebastian holds his head in his hands, tears have finished flowing, but his eyes are still red. He feels bad. He feels immense guilt. This mixture of shame, sadness, contempt and anger is eating him increasingly as the hours pass and pass before his eyes. He blames himself for not coming sooner. He blames himself for not holding you back. He blames himself for not seeing. He blames himself.

Full of life and ardour, this little girl was smothered under this icy water. Frozen in time. Only the repetitive sound of drops escaping from the pipe disrupted this freezing scene. She hides all her problems behind her smile. Never in his life has he thought of having this vision of you. This pure horror vision of an act yet so courageous. Because it takes courage to think about yourself before thinking about others. It takes courage to put yourself forward and not others. It takes courage to achieve what others have likely failed to achieve.

The roar of the machines stifled Charles. He closed his ears in the hope of silencing them. To see you with your tubes hanging around you, in you. On this hospital bed, this white bed, this room that feels the end. Eyes wet, Charles looks at your pale, serene face. The doctor’s words are dry and not encouraging. Your parents arrive a few hours later, a flight later. They cry. Your brother has tears in his eyes. Sebastian collapses in a corner. Hanna is there; a veil of sadness covers his eyes. Heidi cries in the arms of Daniel, who looks again in the eyes of Charles. Charles holds your hand, your hand. Your hands are cold, frozen by the consequences. Lando doesn’t dare to come in. He feels guilty because he refused to believe you, to reach out to you, see you, and see your distress. He preferred to become blind rather than awake. It haunts him.

Charles, sitting next to you, is watching people walk by. To say goodbye to you, goodbye, forever. He doesn’t want to. He can’t. You’re still breathing. Your heart is still beating. So why do you have to leave? Why did you choose to go?

“Why?” He mumbles one more time, his head against your ear. “Why are you not fighting?” 

“Cha... we have to go.”

“No... I-I-I can’t. I can’t leave her.” His voice breaks in a sob.

“Charles,” Pierre says, putting a comforting arm on his shoulder. “Let her go.”

“No...” Charles pushes him away, gripping your hand tighter. “She’s going to survive. She’s going to live. She has to live. You have to live.” He prays, kissing your cold skin.

Pierre sight and get out of the room. His family, her family, his friends, and her friends are here waiting for him. The visiting hours are almost over. Everyone wants to go back to their house and sleep a bit. They haven’t slept all night. Charles hasn’t slept all night. Pascale enters the room quietly. Staring at his son. 

“Charles. We need to let her rest. Will come back in the morning, d’accord mon bébé?” She says, taking him in her arm. 

He acquires at her request despite himself. Unable to fight anymore, fatigue slowly eats him away, and he knows that he is of no help if he is exhausted. He leaves the room not without a last kiss, a last look, a last goodbye.

On the following day, Charles came. Staying for hours next to you. Stroking your hair, mumbling your name, praying for you to wake up. He can't take you out of his brain. He can't take you out of him. You're haunting him. We realize how important it is in our life when we lose someone we take for granted. Charles looks at you as a friend until he realizes he loves you. Is it too late? Were you supposed to be?

Sebastian came a few times, only a few minutes. He can't unseen what he saw. He plays and plays the night in his head over and over again. Wondering what he could have done differently.

The doctors are not really optimistic about your recovery. Your body is tired. Your mind is exhausted. They did all they could do. All we have to do is wait. Wait for you to come back. Wait for you to fight for your life. How could you fight if you're not even awake? It's painful.

Strangely enough, he came. The rapist. The abomination of your life. You came late at night when everyone left. He felt bad. "It's too late to feel bad," you think when you feel his hand and you. You wanted to cry, to scream, but nothing. He left shortly after. Looking at you one last time. Looking at what he did to you. You hear from Lando a few days later that he got arrested. Other girls spoke, and there were enough accusations to start a trial. Even more strange, it did nothing to you. Well, how could you feel? When he toked everything you got and smashed it in a million pieces?

Sometimes, you can feel the warmth of the afterlife tingling your skin. You feel it right near you, calling you. Calling you to answer the call. You want to feel this feeling of peace, this quietness. You don't know how to feel. You just want to float. You forgot how to be happy. How to be. Why fight if you may never find yourself again? What were you made for? You wonder to yourself.

Time flies. A couple of weeks passed. You made some improvements for the doctors to feel optimistic for you to wake up eventually. You're stabilized by all those machines. Your parent finally arrived a few days after you were admitted. You can feel your mother's tears on your cold hands and the soft kisses of your father on your forehead. You can smell the sunflower Heidi brought you every time she comes to see you. Sometimes you want to react. To show her you listen. But you can't. Or you don't want?

The feeling of loneliness passed. You can see now how much you're loved. How they love you. You love to hear Arthur talking about your favourite series. You love to hear Sebastian remembering childhood moments whenever he found the courage to come. You love to listen to your mom singing your favourite songs. You love to hear Daniel telling dad jokes, hoping you'll smile in your sleep. You love hearing Lando talking about his latest Quadrant adventures or Twitch lives. You love to listen to Charles saying how much he loves you. How much his life is plain without you. You can't imagine somebody else cared so much about you.

That makes you cry. You can't show them you can hear. You can't show them you love them too. You can't show them how grateful you are or will be. More time passed, and the more you could slowly feel you were losing yourself. All you need to do is happen your eyes, but for some reason, it seems an impossible task to do.

"This is impossible," Alices says in disbelief at the creature rising upon her.

"Only if you believe it is." The hatter whispers, scared of the outcome of all this adventure. But wasn't this all the point of this madness?

"Sometimes, I believe as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

"That is an excellent practice." The hatters says. "However, just now, you might want to focus on the Jabberwocky."

"Six impossible things. Count them, Alice. One, there's a potion that can make you shrink. Two, and a cake that can make you grow. Three, animals can talk. Four, Alice, cats can disappear. Five, there's a place called Wonderland. Six, I can slay the Jabberwocky."

You feel yourself falling into the rabbit hole, and you have been in Wonderland all this time. That's it! You can do it. Six impossible things before breakfast.

"One, you will get a major in architecture."

"Two, you can drive an F1 car."

"Three, you can be happy again."

"Four, Y/n, there's a place for you in this universe."

"Six, I will fight for my life."

At this, though, he feels darkness rising upon you. Everything fades away slowly. You can hear the constant beep of the machines around you. You can feel Charles's hands against yours. You can smell the hospital room you're in. You can see the light shutters again you close your eyes.

Then... you breathe.

Feeling the grass on your feet. The autumn breeze cools down your spine. For the first time, you appreciate being alive. To fill your lungs with air, to hear the water crash against the rocks, to feel the sun warm up your skin, and to taste food again.

You feel a hand around your waist, and Charles brings you closer to him. He sticks you to his bare chest. He holds you firmly for fear that you will disappear again. It makes you smile to see him so loving, so gentle, and so attentive. You turn your gaze from the blue horizon to meet his emerald eyes. He smiles tenderly. His eyes sparkle with a thousand lights when you return his smile. You hold these eyes a few moments before you look wandering towards his lips.

If only it could be true.

If only you could be with him.

______________________________________________________________

Hi! Hope you enjoy this final version of the story. It took me sometimes to get back to writing but I'm getting there. I know some of you really like it and it's fill my heart with joy <3

Tag List : tyna-19 dessxoxsworld ynbutbetter alexander-hamilhoe honethatty12 janeholt3 mloyer karmabyfernando omgsuperstarg laura-naruto-fan1998

[queercorewhore]

spotify cracked instructions?

ooh I hope you don't mind me answering this publicly bc I have been meaning to make this post for ages

Free Cracked Spotify (No Ads) 🏴‍☠️

okay so this works for Android straight up and for apple with slight modifications. if you need help troubleshooting reply to this post or shoot me a DM. this does Not give you offline play, but it gives you all the other premium features - most importantly no ads and unlimited skips

1. Delete Spotify

just uninstall it from your phone or the rest won't work. don't forget this step.

2. find a cracked file

on android these are APKs - I'll link some websites at the end but like any pirate site they're taken down all the time, so you might need to do some hunting. I don't know any reputable sites for apple but the file type is IPA on iOS. I usually just duckduckgo for "cracked Spotify apk" and go with a site I recognise, like apkmody or apkpure

3. download the file

make sure you have adblocker installed or there will be fake download buttons etc.

4. install the file

make sure you have uninstalled the app store Spotify first or this Will Not Work. I know that's the first step but people do forget this.

you might get an auto-install prompt when you download it, or you might need to track it down in your file manager, but it should just install with whatever software you already have on there. you will get a big scary warning telling you that this is a Virus and its doing Scary Things - this is normal, just dismiss it and continue with the install

5. log back in

just click on the newly installed app, log back in with your normal account, and you're all set! it will need updating every so often bc most of them don't automatically update like app store apps - just uninstall and reinstall if there's an update you want. Bonus! if you hate an update just keep the old version!

-

links to sites in the reblog so the post doesn't get eaten

[musclesandhammering]

Unpopular Phase 4 & 5 Opinions

Quantumania is the worst Phase 4/5 movie. And it wasn’t even because “kang got beat by ants.” (I liked kang in this movie). It’s just that the Spy Kids aesthetic & bad acting & overall weird vibes just weren’t for me.

Love and Thunder is no worse than Ragnarok. I would argue that it’s better in a lot of ways, actually. I really liked it.

Taika Waititi ruined thor with bad humour all the way back in Ragnarok tbh, but y’all weren’t complaining about it then 😒.

BuckySarah is better than sambucky every day of the week.

The Marvels was a good ass movie & they’re one of my favorite teams in the mcu. I’ll never forgive cbm sites & online dudebros for killing the hype from the moment the film was announced.

I adore America Chavez & Kamala Kahn and I want to see them in everything. They must be protected at all costs.

Multiverse of Madness had shitty characterisation & basically just copy-pasted the ‘grief made me go off the deep end & hurt people, then I realised and stopped myself’ storyline from Wandavision… but Wanda was extremely selfish & apathetic to other people’s suffering from the time she was introduced in the mcu. MoM didn’t make her like that.

Wanda should’ve been looking for Vision (her actual real life boyfriend whom she spent years with irl) in MoM instead of the kids that weren’t even real that she spent like a week using as characters in her sitcom.

Making everyone forget Peter Parker wasn’t profound or poetic in any way- it was just frustrating and needlessly cruel.

I’m begging marvel to understand that heroes don’t have to be in constant suffering to be heroic & villains don’t have to sacrifice themselves to achieve redemption. Let characters heal and atone, you absolute weirdos.

What If…? is the most boring show ever. I’d rather watch Secret Invasion or She-Hulk.

Season 2 of Loki is, in a cinematic & artistic sense, the best marvel project period.

Loki season 1 was meh- more of a fun au than anything because his characterisation kinda sucked. Season 2 fixed it, though, and made it way easier for me to incorporate this version of Loki back into the larger mcu.

Having Steve stay in the past with Peggy was stupid af.

I don’t hate Peggy (or Captain Carter), though. I actually think she’s pretty cool.

I don’t really love Steve. He’s arrogant & they never really let him have flaws & something about him being a perfect metaphor for the American military industrial complex (and marvel painting that as a good thing) doesn’t sit right with me.

The Illuminati got done dirty and the only reason they went down so fast was because Wanda had all that plot armor.

I thought the retcon of having Wanda be “destined” to become the Scarlet Witch since birth was an annoying cop-out. Her powers originating from being experimented on with an infinity stone was way more interesting.

Loki & Wanda have almost the exact same powers.

Nebula deserved a bigger rule in killing Thanos & everything else moving forward.

I love Kathryn Newton but her acting as Cassie Lang was the worst acting I’ve ever seen in the mcu, like it was outrageously bad.

I’m glad Sam is the new Captain America and not Bucky.

The fact that Bucky probably isn’t gonna be one of Thee lead characters in the upcoming avengers movies feels sick and twisted.

Secret Invasion was actually passable until the G’iah scene at the end. That ruined it. And Nick Fury deserved way better for his solo series.

Kang is so much more interesting than Doctor Doom. I really hope they just recast him.

Carol Danvers does NOT deserve the hate she gets.

I actually disliked Carol until The Marvels. That movie made me a stan.

The way people treat Monica as Wanda’s little inferior pet creation or smth & then brag about it is uhh very sus.

I don’t like sylvie (bc she’s an amalgamation of 3 different comic characters- which killed any hopes of them appearing individually in the mcu, the creators used her existence to butcher Loki’s genderfluid rep, & she was written poorly) & I HATE sylki (bc it’s weird & unnecessary).

Marvel isn’t dead. I actually love where they’re taking things. But that’s just me.

[panelshowsource]

hey frends!

just a lil update to say that i'll be moving soon, so over the next 2–3 weeks i'll be quite busy and won't be able to post a lot a lot (not that i usually post that much but i do try!)

now that many panel shows are wrapping up their seasons, it's not too much to keep up with the masterpost or anything, so i'll definitely keep that chugging, but gifs might be a little slow :') i have a few requests i'll work on, and it's fine to send those in; plus, i said i'd be making BIG gifsets for the recent taskmaster contestants and i'm definitely working on those! i wanna do a good job so taking my time :)

wanna remind everyone about some of the newer additions to the googledrive!

ed gamble — glutton (audiobook) (i'll be listening to this today while i'm packing! if anyone else listened pls lmk what you think!! i'm also wrapping up david's book and gonna post my thoughts soon hehe)

added the most recent alex horne/tim key celebrity pointless to the alex horne collection folder

a couple seasons of duck quacks don't echo upgraded to 1080p

bbc radio 4's hard to tell from 2011, with jonny sweet, charlotte ritchie, katy wix, etc.

complete british as folk, with fern brady, ivo graham, and darren harriott (any other homo reading this grow up absolutely and painfully obsessed with queer as folk? either version? oh man... this programme gets a 10/10 for the name alone, iconic)

live at the moth club

lots of fun new episode of growing pains, hignfy, taskmaster, outsiders :)

as well, there are a couple of new podcasts out: russell howard's wonderbox and james acaster's springleaf :)

i have a bunch of asks and i'll post them later! you guys are being so cute about taskmaster it's been so fun

hope everyone is having a great weekend!

btw... please don't feel obligated to anon me rude messages... i'm a little stressed with everything going on in Life, so maybe save those for the new year? i'll try to come up w witty retorts after i've had some sleep

it's funny, i've been hearing a lot about blog competition and fighting for notes and monopolising panel show content blah blah in my inbox recently. (i only included one here but there's genuinely been quite a few just in the last couple of weeks.) i don't know what might be going on on other blogs or discords or whatever, and i honestly didn't even know these were still convos people are having; i kinda thought we all agreed that this site isn't as big as it used to be, notes aren't as plentiful as they used to be, but by golly we'll just keep on posting anyways. i don't know if there are edit tags for any panel shows but i don't use them; i just post content here for my current followers and if you guys like it then that's all i wanted to do. i don't care if there are other panel show blogs with more followers or posts that get more notes or better gifs or better blogs or whatever. it's all fine. i don't care. i don't think about it. so you don't have to ask me that stuff — how to grow your blog or get more followers or more engagement, or how i feel about other blogs that post the same content as i do — i won't answer it. just post it because you want to; don't race to be the first one to get stuff at (especially at the expense of making content you're proud of!); don't put other people down; don't send anonymous hate. just be cool and worry about you. if you can't have fun here without validation in the notes then you're gonna be miserable. flopping is integral to being active.

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Currently Watching - December

aka The Masterlist

Because I love a good little list - in alphabetical order! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 24.12.2023

A little link to my favorite bl-tropes-collection 💙

I am happy about gif-requests 🌼

Here you can find all of my gifs.

And if you want to show me something you think I might like, just let me know with #josistag

At the end you can have a look at what we can expect in September with MDL link and a link for a trailer (if avaible).

This is guaranteed to contain spoilers!

1. 7 Days before Valentine (1/12 WeTV)

Hm... This was not what I expected. The acting was a little bit over the top. I don't know if I can stand Sunshine. The feeling this first episode gave me was kinda off. I don't know. Right now I don't know if I want to keep watching it.

2. BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank Up Hen (1/3 on Gaga)

This series gives me so much joy! I wasn't expecting this being so funny! It is hilarious, a little bit cringy, but for the right amount and not over the top. It is really a blast. The characters are lovable and the managers are the best 😂 I am really enjoying myself with this one.

3. Cherry Magic (3/12 on Youtube)

I love the japanese version and I try to not compare those two with each other. So far I am doing quite well. I liked the first epiosde. I like Tay as this absolutely whipped character. And for now I am hating GMMTV for a lousing contract and the Japan's network for copyright strinking the series so we international fans aren't able to watch the series anymore on legal sites...

4. Cityboy_Log (11/? on Youtube)

Soon-to-be Idols, actors and models vlog their days of photo shoots and meetups and how they fall in love with each other. It is surprisingly good and the acting is excellent. It really feels like a "real" vlog and that is what we are all here for. I really enjoy those four men on my screen.

5. Cooking Crush (2/12 on Youtube)

I have to admit beside Not Me, I am not the biggest fan of OffGun. Their slapstick humour is just not mine. I can't get the right feeling for this series right now. I will wait and see how it turns out with more episodes... Guess I'll drop this one soon if I am not watching the next episode and catch up on the already aired ones...

6. Dead Friend Forever (1/12 on iQiyi)

Do I like horror? Nope, not at all. But so far I had fun with the first episode. Everytime there was some suypence I just looked away and as long as there are no creepy sounds I am good. The plot gives such a typical highschool/college horror vibe and I kind of like it.

7. For Him (1/12 on iQiyi)

I don't know if I will keep up with this one. Actingwise it is not that bad. We have to wait a bit for a deeper story. Right now it is just friends with benefits and I really hope there is something more to come. But a safe-sex-policy! I like that. And I forgot about this one... Guess it was a little bit much these past weeks. I don't know if I'll drop this at the end of the month or not...

8. Last Twilight (8/12 on Youtube)

I got fucking emotional when Mhok read from The Little Prince and they had this whole big conversation through the book and I am in tears just thinking about it. The Little Prince is very special to me. The series is so soft and so good! The friendship that they build up, the trust between them, the looks, the tension! I love it! And Mhok is the biggest green flag, disguised as a red flag ever! He is the warmest person ever!

9. Pit Babe (7/13 on Youtube)

Ladies and Gentlemen! We have an Omegaverse! I am still in shock! I usually don't dive into the omegaverse, but I did read some webtoons. I am curious how they'll play it out. What the hell was this conversation about wanting kids? Is there mpreg? Why do I have to think about such stuff... It would be something different indeed. But perhaps they wanted to have some fun with us...

10. Playboyy (6/14 on Gaga)

I am intrigued! I needed to call my best friend and tell her about what I have seen. Not just the amount of sex and masturbation and wet dreams, but the way it is filmed. I am intruígued! It looks like a romantic dream combined with porn. It is so artsy and it feels like watching a ballet. In it the dance explains the plot and here the sex, the camera, the lightning and everything around the plot describe the plot. It is so good!

11. Sahara Sensei to Toki-kun (3/8 on Gaga)

Toki is a little bit over the top for me, a little bit too goofy, but the obverall first impression was not that bad. And to be honest who didn't have a crush on a teacher during their school time? Mine was my german teacher in 10th grade. He was young and he wore leather pants. He was cool and really good at his job. I loved learning at that time.

12. The Sign (6/12 on Youtube)

I am already in love with this series! Mystical elements, a good chemistry between the actors, some fighting, naked men... What else could I wish for... Oh yeah, and an accidental kiss 😂 But I still enjoyed it so much!

13. Twins (9/12 on Gaga)

I don't know what it is. The story is... nothing special. The acting is okayish. Sprite's/Zee's facial expression need some time to get used to. And yet, I like this show! It is one of my most anticipated watches of the week. I like First and I LOVE enemies to lovers 😅 It is one of my weak spots!

Finished in December

Series

1. Boys Like Boys (10/10 on Gaga)

This taiwanese dating show accompaniese eight men on their six days journey to find love. All the contestants were so lovable and nice and unique. I enjoyed this show very much! My romance-heart had been fed over the past weeks with this show and with the last episode it got a suger overdose 😅 Because this is a dating show and not a regular series, my rating is a little bit simpe. I liked it so it gets 10 out of 10 points.

2. Bake me please (6/6 on Gaga)

This series is so good! It gave me a good feeling over the weeks. Even though the drama in episode five was a little bit too manufactured and a bit too much, I enjoyed the show. It made my sundays something special and gave me a real warm feeling. I can just recommend it to watch (perhaps binge it while eating delicious cake and drink some hot chocolate). I will miss it! And I liked Ohm and Guide together! Peach was such a sweetheart and his smiles made me smile. Guy... I loved you, than I hated you and in the end I just liked you... You lost me in episode 5... Because it made me feel so good, I give it a 10 out of 10.

Movie

Short Film

Dropped/On-Hold in December

Looking forward to in December

I Feel You Linger in the Air Special: Scent of Memory - Trailer (Dec 17th)

Cherry Magic - Trailer (Dec 9th)

It's complicated - Trailer (Dec 14th)

Colorful Melody - Trailer (Dec 16th)

Dead Friend Forever - DFF - Teaser (Dec 23rd)

BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank Up Hen (Dec 24th)

1626 (Dec 24th)

Wuju Bakery - Teaser (Dec)

Night Dream - Teaser (Dec)

[nalyra-dreaming]

@ the nonny with the two-part ask (which I'm not adding here bc of the references):

The thing is, that the perception of the show characters clashes for some with the more than established (as in 50 years established) version.

The show added an astonishing meta level and social commentary, and if fanfiction does not add that - or does not add it to the satisfaction of some - then that is sometimes seen as an affront.

Now, I do not know the fic you were talking about, and I did not go to check. I am mostly staying in canon myself, because as said before, I waited over 3 decades for my vampires, and I have no need to go AU on them, not when THIS canon exists^^.

However, that is just me.

Given the fact Anne herself wrote a lot of fanfiction (let's be real, the Jesus books? For example? Also I'd invite you to read what Neil Gaiman says about his own writing there, for example....) - it's only logical that people would go and write whatever they wanted with her characters now as well.

There is no "one" lens through which this show and the books can be seen. There's millions. Because every one of us sees it all differently, shaped by life, circumstance and experience.

And if you want to write something that changes stuff in an AU setting - then that should obviously be fine. It's fanfiction.

The ultimate fix-it. The ultimate "I-want-this-to-be-different-so-I-add-to-it-or-change-it".

In the last years the "don't like don't read" has taken a serious dip though, there is a lot of people engaging with media because they hate it, and they feel welcome in groups that share this stance. There is also an uptick of puritanical need to censor.

And that reflects on Ao3 (or other fanfiction sites as well), as well as fandom spaces.

The absolutely correct need to point out fandom racism is conflated with missing knowledge of the source material and what the 50 year old canon actually provides (and maybe especially the newer books). I've been called things, because people just do not know what happens in "Merrick", for example. Or in the last trilogy. They don't know, and they jump to the one explanation that makes sense... to them.

So that is something that one needs to be aware of, I think.

There is a big mix of knowledge right now - and it clashes in a definitely not comfortable way.

And, last but maybe not least - a fanfic is no meta.

It's a fic. A story. A tale. Its own thing. A different thing, too.

It should be treated as such. Imho.

[mimithealpaca]

anthy, let your wife have at least ONE cookie > 3 >), it's her B I R T H D A Y

i missed uraraka's birthday, but it would be a SIN to miss utena's birthday! 誕生日おめでとう、天上ウテナ！！！

also, this is a callback to "cookies for breakfast"

the version i had to make for insta that i might as well throw here too. hate how that site forces 1:1 ratio asdfasdfdas