#i have One (1) poetry mode

[inrainprose]

Walking Home, Lo Rain

[mokeonn]

I need to bombard yall with my new bg3 characters bc I recently got back into the game and started a new tactician and honor mode save

[keluang-hijau]

If you have even a dollar to spare to help Palestine, you should definitely send it directly to organizations:

Anera. PCRF (they have a Ramadan 2024 campaign right now with 4% raised as of writing this). UNRWA. and more listed here.

or people working on the ground to provide aid:

Help Gaza Children: updates site, pypl, gfm. Mona's initiative to provide direct aid in Gaza. Care for Gaza: twitter, pypl. Sulala Animal Rescue: instagram, fundraiser with free drawings, pypl for direct donation or donate through Animals Australia (here is the tumblr post I referenced). Salam Animal Care: twitter, pypl, gfm.

sponsor a family from Operation Olive Branch spreadsheet. send esims to people in Gaza.

If you live comfortably without any substantial risk financially, then it becomes your responsibility to contribute more. Please don't hesitate to donate. You do not lose wealth when you give to people who need it. That 10 dollars or 5 dollars or 1 dollar is worth so so much if it is the only thing you can give.

The daily clicks is meant for people who do not have any way to financially help Palestine. If you cannot send money for any reason at all, please go ahead and do those daily clicks. Use multiple devices, different browsers, incognito/ private mode. So you can contribute more clicks in a day. Set reminders so you can be consistent. Even if it is small, if everyone contributing does the same effort, it will be more helpful than nothing at all.

And do not let daily clicks and donations be the end all of your support for Palestine. There are so many ways to engage and get involved, and this post is a non-exhaustive list. Boycott products and keep up with the BDS movement, join protests and direct action, pressure your representatives by calls/ emails /letters, listen and amplify Palestinian voices (follow social media accounts of journalists, doctors, scholars, people in Gaza and diaspora), learn and familiarize about Palestine and disinformation (free ebooks), make art, appreciate Palestinian culture and art (tatreez, kufiya, films / another film site, books, poetry, businesses), talk and discuss with your close ones and community, don't interact with Israel supporters / Zionist ideology, and stay hopeful. Every effort within your power that you choose to do is important.

[nanowrimo]

4 Ways To Cure Writer’s Block

Every year, we’re lucky to have great sponsors for our nonprofit events. NovelPad, a 2023 NaNoWriMo sponsor, is a novel drafting software designed to make it easy for writers to write. Today, they're sharing a few tips to help you beat writer's block:

NovelPad loves NaNoWriMo because we have the same goal: Helping authors get the thing done!

Starting a book is usually fun and easy—your fingers dance across the keyboard as you explore an exciting world, meet your characters, and stir up intrigue for the coming plot. But once you get into the weeds of how that all works, and how you and your characters get from Point A to Point B, you might find yourself losing momentum. You might find yourself so encumbered with obstacles that you might get a case of the dreaded writer’s block.

The very good news is that writer’s block isn’t terminal, and I certainly don’t think writer’s block is as enigmatic as some people seem to think. I believe it’s actually quite a simple problem, and usually due to one of a few common factors. Let’s look at four ways you can push yourself through your case of ye olde block.

1. Check in with yourself.

Step one is always to check in with yourself. 

Start by reviewing your basic self-care needs:

Are you staying hydrated?

Do you feel hungry?

Would a shower or a nap be beneficial?

Is it time for a walk or some stretching exercises?

Consider your environment as well. Maybe you need:

Noise-canceling headphones

A change of scenery

A babysitter or someone to help around the house

To open or close some windows

Next, evaluate your level of focus. Is your mind wandering elsewhere? It can be useful to create a "dump list" to jot down anything that's causing you stress, such as work-related issues, pending tasks, or upcoming events. Setting that list aside can give you the tangible feeling of pushing those things off your desk to worry about later.

Once your body, mind, and environment are sorted out, you'll likely discover that writing becomes a bit easier!

2. Look back at where you’ve been.

Even if the first tip did or did not do the trick, let’s take a look at the project itself.

Sometimes writer’s block is a blessing in disguise! Your creative gut might be telling you that something went awry. Try reading your project back and pinpointing where it became difficult to keep going. Consider alternate plots or paths to get your writing flowing again.

If you're managing multiple plots and subplots, identifying the moment you deviated from the main path can be quite challenging. To pinpoint which plot line is causing issues, you can take advantage of NovelPad's handy feature: Plot tracking.

On the Plot Board, you can review every scene of a particular plot in order, making spotting those errors in your plotlines much easier.

3. Rewrite a problem scene.

Once you've identified the scene causing issues, it's time to make improvements! This can be challenging because there are countless ways to approach a scene.

However, don't hesitate to embrace revisions. Often, a scene benefits from a thorough rewrite. With NovelPad Revisions, you can save limitless scene revisions, compare them side by side, and effortlessly switch to the one they want in the live manuscript. This keeps your different versions safe, well-organized, and readily accessible.

4. Freewrite to free yourself.

Freewriting is a great way to get your creativity flowing again. Write some poetry, compose a letter to a friend, or simply let your thoughts flow without judgment. Freewriting without judgment can help turn on your writer mode and even help you solve some problems! It's especially beneficial when you're stuck on something specific, because we often find brilliant solutions when we stop being so critical of our ideas.

Kick writer’s block off your desk with NovelPad! It's free to use throughout NaNoWriMo, and we offer discounts to participants and winners afterward. If you find that NovelPad isn't your cup of tea by the end of November, don't worry—you can still access and download your project at any time. Just write!

Our team at NovelPad believes in making it easy for writers to complete their books. That’s why we built an uncomplicated, intuitive system that stays out of the way until you need it! We want writers like you to #JustWrite without burdening you with excessive features. Speaking of features, software updates at NovelPad are based entirely on user feedback from authors to keep our features sharp, relevant, and minimalist.

All NaNoWriMo participants have access to a 15% discount on NovelPad with code WRIMO2023 — use the code during checkout to redeem your discount. Offer expires April 1, 2024.

Top photo by Richard Dykes on Unsplash.

[vidavalor]

"You love trains": Crowley & Aziraphale inspired 'North by Northwest'

Putting my film studies background to good use here with some film history & historical context under the cut.

The "what does the J stand for?" exchange in The Blitz, Part 1 and the inability for the audience to initially understand what Aziraphale is mouthing in The Blitz, Part 2 are both references to Hitchcock's classic spy thriller, 'North by Northwest'. I didn't link the clip that goes along with The Blitz, Part 2 in case some of you have never seen this film because it would ruin your experience of it. (Definitely watch it if you have not as it's a masterpiece.) Since The Blitz scenes are taking place in 1941 and 'North by Northwest' was released 18 years later in 1959, Crowley and Aziraphale aren't referencing the film in the dialogue but, instead, could be presumed to be the source *of* the dialogue in the film... just like how Shakespeare lifted Crowley's love poetry for 'Antony & Cleopatra'... and the 'North by Northwest'-referencing part of The Blitz, Part 1 *is referencing* the 'Antony and Cleopatra' reference because it's the reveal of Crowley's first name. But... it gets even better...

The writer of 'North by Northwest' was legendary Hollywood screenwriter Ernest Lehman, whom we're now presuming to have been a friend of probably at least Aziraphale's. Lehman wrote a dozen or so classic films and, outside of 'North by Northwest', is most famous for writing adaptations of several famous musicals, including the adapted screenplay for... 'The Sound of Music.' But, no, somehow, we aren't done yet with how amazing this is lol.

The thing that makes this all even funnier is that 'North by Northwest' is responsible for probably the most famous train metaphor in cinema. I'll spoil just this bit as it won't really ruin the overall movie for you if you haven't seen it but don't go any further than here if you don't want to be spoiled at all. If you've already seen it, you totally know what I mean. *laughs*

In 1959, when this film was released, you still couldn't really show sex on screen in a mainstream film. If you showed two people in a bedroom at all, they were cisgender, heterosexual and married and they slept in two separate beds. The level of sex happening in the above clip was *wild* for the era and the fact that it was put into the film the way it is-- that an unmarried woman picks up a hot guy on a train and they sleep together and she's still the heroine of the film and all of that-- was really nothing short of feminist revolution in a film in this era.

The film has a famous "love scene" of sorts that follows not long after the one I linked above, where the two of them are in a cabin on the train and starting to get it on but constraints of cinema coding at the time limited how far it could go. So, to imply that the main characters do, in fact, sleep together, the film famously cuts away to a shot of the train entering a tunnel-- making the train itself symbolic of sex. Because of how famous the film overall--and this scene in particular--became, it became a thing to use trains euphemistically for sex in other cinematic works following it. There is literally no way that Crowley and Aziraphale have not seen this movie so while Aziraphale was happy to make The Bentley into a sexual metaphor while angling for the car keys, Crowley is half-heartedly griping in flirty response by continually referencing trains, another sexual mode of transportation-- the one that that they inspired lol. Hence Aziraphale's bemused little lololol-but-won't-give-him-the-satisfaction-of-seeing-my-amusement face here:

Sunglassed!Cary Grant is Crowley and the old movie chemistry and the semi-coded flirty banter and someone please, please write a fic where Aziraphale says "I don't particularly like the book I've started"-- I will pay you lol.

[poppitron360]

Wait. I wanna hear you Will Solace headcanons

Okay so be prepared for these to be wildly inaccurate because all I know about this guy is from fannon. Most of this is also me projecting.

1. Bass player. Yes that is 100% biased, as I am also a bass player (and I hc myself as a legacy of Apollo). No I have no basis on this claim other than Basses Are Just Cooler Than Guitars.

2. OR he’s the guitarist, Nico is the Bassist.

3. If there is a piano in the house, he WILL play it. For hours. Gods forbid you take him anywhere with a public piano.

4. Hates learning Music Theory, learns by ear and by feel. As an Apollo kid, he can instantly read both tab and sheet music, but uses neither.

5. Also has perfect pitch (can name any chord just by hearing it).

6. He’s a Star Wars fan, right? Can talk for hours about John William’s use of Lydian Mode in the score to convey a sense of majesty, and don’t get him started on the expert use of Vagnarian methods of leitmotif-

7. Okay, so maybe he knows a little music theory.

8. Writes terrible poetry that’s low-key kinda good.

9. Founder of the chb LGBTQ+ club.

10. Bisexual flags everywhere. He always at least one pink, purple, and blue pen on hand, doodles exclusively in those colours. His doctors notes are colour-coded pink, purple, blue.

11. BIG supporter of Trans rights- is qualified to help with Gender Affirming Healthcare for anyone at Camp.

12. Apollo is also god of prophecies. Will has the power of foresight ONLY for TV show/Film/Book endings. He is able to predict how a character would die with incredible accuracy after one episode. Morbid as fuck, so naturally Nico thinks it’s the hottest thing ever.

13. SWIFTIE!!!!!

14. Friendship bracelets. VERY swiftie-coded, he has a million of them on both arms, cutting off his circulation.

15. Paints Nico’s nails. Nico insists on all black, but gave in and let Will paint ONE nail fun colours, bedazzled with charms and shit. As long as it’s the middle finger.

Now, specifically my Will x Leo (Platonic) headcannons:

16. Will and Leo become very close at camp simply because Leo has absolutely zero sense of self-preservation. Like that kid does not value his life in any way at all, and so always ends up doing the most reckless shit ever, and, naturally, ends up spending a lot of time in the infirmary, usually only after being dragged there by Jason (“What’s the big deal? It’s just a broken arm. I’m ambidextrous! Besides, I’ve survived worse.”)

17. Will loves him because he’s never there longer than he has to be.

18. Except sometimes he does have to force Leo back into bed while Leo’s yelling loudly about how he needs to get back to his work, the Argo II won’t build itself, and to let go of him or he’ll burn you.

19. Will makes him wear enchanted plasters (band aids) that he can’t take off without doctor’s permission, to stop him absent-mindedly picking at old scabs and bits of skin. He also keeps fidget toys and stress balls to give to his patients. Leo has stolen ALL of them.

20. Like seriously, it is a problem. Leo has had to make them a whole bunch more fidgets because he’s taken and then overworked them until they all broke.

21. Both their southern accents come out more when they talk to each other. If a conversation goes on too long, they evolve into using so much fast-paced Texan slang that no-one else can understand them- it’s practically its own language.

22. BOTH SWIFTIES!!!!!

23. Leo helps out in the infirmary a lot- he’s useful if you need to sterilise equipment or cauterise any wounds.

24. It works sort of like an exchange of favours, where Leo also calls on Will anytime he needs a human flashlight to work on a project.

25. Leo has a lot of scars from his rough childhood. Will is one of the few people (aside from Jason) who’s actually seen them all. They never talk about it, and, as his doctor, he’s sworn to secrecy, but some of them are really disturbing. It will never not shock him that demigods can get hurt by things in the mortal world.

26. Leo makes sure Will uses accurate engineering jargon when writing Star Wars fanfiction.

27. Aside from Leo, Nico is the only one who reads his fanfiction

[notchainedtotrauma]

Consider suscribing to Salt if you want to gnaw on good writing

I have a too little, way too little number of patrons for the extraordinary content I provide, especially poetry-wise. I’m not bragging, I provide poetry, music and visual analysis, micro fiction as music reaction, and I’m finally getting over my perfectionism and back in the essay game. However, if you have seen some of my essays  circulating, you know how great (and that’s an understatement) I can be. The most accessible tiers go from for Raspberry Lemonade (1$) to Black  Coffee (10$) with tiers up there for eventual pockets filled (and curious) patrons.

This is my Patreon .

This is my best (public) essay: Don’t Nobody Get Too Close: On Rico Nasty, Surveillance and Black Female Elusiveness 

This is my best (public) poem: Was The Soundtrack The Only Thing Holding Us Together ?

I decided to write micro-fiction as a reaction to songs. The best (public) one from me is this : Dare to Be So Tended To You Just Become A Stare

I write songs/music video analysis. The best one from me is a (public) song analysis: The Tongue Is Mighty Powerful: On Storytelling Ethics 

I know everybody can’t afford to pay this because everybody is in urgency mode, but if someone that’s not in urgency mode and can afford those prices fall upon this, well consider suscribing.

[quiet-admirer]

🍄 What does feedism mean to you? 🍄

Growth: A Queer Feedist Zine

I and four other queer feedists here on Tumblr, including Onyx @feedemon, Prince @smollestpuppyprince, and @alittlepudge-neverhurtnobody, have worked super hard the past several months putting together Growth, a zine by feedists, for feedists.

Growth is a bite-sized anthology of prose, poetry, and visual art responding to the question: What does feedism mean to you? It touches on topics such as asexuality in kink, kink discovery, kink positivity, overcoming disordered relationships with food, and and the intersections of feedism and trans identity.

The zine is available for a limited time digitally as an accessible interactive PDF, or in print as a half-page color booklet!

Download it digitally here for free via WeTransfer until August 21st, 2022!

To order a paper copy of Growth, I am taking preorders until August 29th, 2022.

And please consider donating a little for digital copies or chipping in a little extra for print copies, as any donations go straight to the queer kinky artists and writers who helped put this project together! 🖤

Details about ordering and accessibility under the cut!

Ordering a paper zine to a US address:

Make your payment via Cashapp to $anxietyqueer. These amounts are just to cover printing and shipping costs:

1 zine = $4.57

2 zines = $7.51

3 zines = $10.45

Send me a screenshot of your payment, the number of zines you are ordering, and your shipping address by direct message or to kinkratonthestreets@gmail.com. I will respond to confirm, since I know tumblr messaging can be screwy.

Zines will be shipped in discreet packaging after preorders close on August 29th.

Ordering a paper zine to an address outside the US: please send me a direct message or email me at kinkratonthestreets@gmail.com and we can talk shipping cost. Payments by PayPal (or let me know if that doesn't work for you!)

Accessibility:

Paper zines include image descriptions on the last page.

Digital zines are in interactive PDF format, able to be used with screen readers (there is one emoji at the end of a line of text, please let me know if this will be an issue!), and all images have embedded descriptions. Text can be highlighted with a cursor. (It *mostly* works in 'liquid mode' on the Adobe app, too, except for the poem which it converts to an image for some reason?)

Large print available upon request, just dm or email me to let me know!

Please reach out to me if there are any other accessibility needs or questions you have!

[nobrashfestivity]

Kitasono Katue

BLACK PORTRAIT hopelessness's alcohol's purple moustache or shadow's egg inside cage of bones distance of night of death's turtle solitude is wetted by black rain rotting in ladder shape that wall that brittle cone's lonely part

ON THE TYPOGRAPHY OF BLACK FIRE from John Solt's Shredding the Tapestry of Meaning

Each page (of Black Fire) contains only one or two lines, positioned near the top of the page. These fill approximately 5 percent of the page, thus creating a tension between the type and the blank space. If Katue had not shortened the page, the disproportion between print and emptiness would have been even more pronounced. Another striking feature of the design is that the poem titles are printed in red ink and the poems in black, thus reinforcing the theme of a "black fire."

More radical than the short line lengths and the two-color lettering is the innovative way the poems of Kuroi hi are to be read: top to bottom and right to left. For other modern Japanese poetry, the eyes move vertically and then shift a line to the left and proceed down it, and a page is read right to left; or, when the type is laid out sideways as in the case of European languages (common these days), it is read from left to right. Katue essentially throws his readers off-balance by forcing their eyes to move horizontally in the "unnatural" direction of right to left. (On the rare occasions when Japanese was written horizontally in the past, the common direction was from right to left, and in a sense Katue was reverting to an old practice; it is, however, new to modern poetry.) He was the first poet in Japanese, as far as I know, to use a "double axis" of vertically down and horizontally right to left, thus rattling the reading process. Following is a transcription into directional signs for reading (down and right to left) "Kuroi shozo" (Black Portrait), one of the most extreme poems in the double-axis mode. Each letter or number stands for one graph; letters are read vertically (top to bottom) and numbers are read horizontally (right to left), starting at the top right-hand corner. The common form by other poets could include a string of letters ad infinitum, but would never have a number higher than 1.

January 16, 2013

Above section from jacket2.org

Kitasono Katue at Knott’s Berry Farm in California

[pixel-bloom]

OC Deep Dive Questionnaire Tag

Thanks for the tag @natolesims!!!

1. What uncommon/common fear do they have?

he has extreme anxiety and hates what people might think of him

2. Do they have any pet peeves?

chronic lateness. he hates waiting around for someone.

3. What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom?

"intellectual" books (is what his sisters call them), old figurines, composition books filled with thoughts

4. What do they notice first in a person?

Their voice, he's usually too nervous to look at people straight in the eyes.

5. On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?

Maybe a 5. He's no stranger to gym soreness, so he's used to pain here and there.

6. Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure?

Flight! In fact, he'll make a run for it even before pressure starts. Can't be stressed about a situation if you leave it before it gets stressful!

7. Do they come from a big family/are they a family person?

He has a mid-size family; two siblings, some aunts and uncles here and there. He loves his family and considers them his only friends. He's happy with that fact! They're the coolest people he knows--Mom is a lawyer, Dad builds furniture from scratch, sisters are artistic, his aunt is a musician/artist, and his uncles..uh they're kinda freeloaders in the city. Every kid's dream future 😎

8. What animal represents them best?

Hmmm that's a tough one. I'd love to say a grasshopper (haha) but let's go with a cheetah. Yeah I know you're thinking cool and collected, but cheetahs are actually SUPER anxious, expend a lot of energy with a task, and prefer to be alone. Also, he can run hella fast.

9. What is a smell that they dislike?

Burnt pancakes. Yuck.

10. Have they broken any bones?

No, he's pretty cautious. He's definitely gotten cuts and bruises galore though.

11. How would a stranger likely describe them?

Quiet (almost invisible) and soft-spoken. Just a kid that sits in the back of the class. He comes to school, then leaves. People would likely forget he was there.

12. Are they a night owl or a morning bird?

100% a morning bird. His parents are up at the crack of dawn and he's made it habit to get up early.

13. What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love?

hate - artificial banana

love - matcha. mmmmm bitter.

14. Do they have any hobbies?

He's been told to write things down in notebooks (therapy) but he doesn't necessarily enjoy it--it's just something he does to regulate his emotions. He likes to watch bad movies, read old poetry, and hit the gym.

15. Boom, surprise birthday party!How do they react to surprises?

He hates surprises. If it's just his family, he won't be too upset. He'll put on a happy face and participate in any party things. If there's randos invited, he'll force himself to stay but he'll eventually wander back to his room. His parents have learned to not throw him parties.

16. Do they like to wear jewelry?

Somewhat. His sister is always trying to get him to pierce his face, but he sticks to his grandmother's necklace. He's thought about wearing rings, but he doesn't feel like he fits that vibe.

17. Do they have neat or messy handwriting?

Pretty neat for a teenage boy. Not the best but you could make it out. He tried to learn cursive to copy the script he sees in old poetry books, but got frustrated.

18. What are two emotions they feel the most?

Anxious & Embarrassed.

19. Do they have a favorite fabric?

Flannel. It's comfortable.

20. What kind of accent do they have?

If we were comparing him to everyone else...a normal American accent. Maybe one with a low inflection/tone. tbh only Theo has an accent in my game lmao

I'd love to see an OC deep dive from @payte, @potential-fate, @mosneakers, @sparkiekong, @ashubii, & @nitrozem ✨

[caltropspress]

RAPS + CRAFTS #23: Sunmundi

1. Introduce yourself. Past projects? Current projects?

Peace. I’m Sunmundi. I started rapping a few years ago. Last year I released my debut album, Midnight Oil, produced by Āthmaan, through Damn That Noise, and my second album, Lived and Born, produced by klwn cat, just came out. I’m currently working on a project with my man Sasco for '25.

2. Where do you write? Do you have a routine time you write? Do you discipline yourself, or just let the words come when they will? Do you typically write on a daily basis?

I try to write every day. But I go through long bouts of writer’s block, in which case I have to force myself to take a step back and wait till I get inspired again. And I pretty much only write raps while driving. For the past few years I’ve had a really long commute to work, so I end up just listening to beats and jotting down lines in my car. Pretty fucking dangerous, but it is what it is.

3. What’s your medium—pen and paper, laptop, on your phone? Or do you compose a verse in your head and keep it there until it’s time to record?

I just use my phone.

4. Do you write in bars, or is it more disorganized than that?

Initially I tend to just focus on writing down as many thoughts and lines as possible when listening to a beat, then eventually separate them into stanzas where it feels right. I don’t count bars or anything—when a verse feels done, it’s done. 

5. How long into writing a verse or a song do you know it’s not working out the way you had in mind? Do you trash the material forever, or do you keep the discarded material to be reworked later?

When I feel like I’m forcing lines, I stop writing. But once I have a set of good/memorable lines and can figure out how I’m gonna rhyme, I know pretty immediately after that I’ll finish the song. I used to try and repurpose all my leftover lines, and a lot of them do end up in songs, but lately I’ve been finding that shit turns out better when I write the whole thing to a beat from scratch.

6. Have you engaged with any other type of writing, whether presently or in the past? Fiction? Poetry? Playwriting? If so, how has that mode influenced your songwriting?

When I was studying English in college, I enjoyed academic writing, so I got used to a certain command of language. I presented one of my papers at a literary conference (the paper was about Griselda and Machiavellian ethics, so I read Benny and Westside Gunn lyrics to a room full of academics and peers, which was funny). But I was never very interested in any creative writing before rap. I feel like my voice/songwriting comes down to my musical influences more than anything.

7. How much editing do you do after initially writing a verse/song? Do you labor over verses, working on them over a long period of time, or do you start and finish a piece in a quick burst?

I definitely labor over verses. I might take anywhere from a week to a month to get a verse done. I try to edit as I go, working line by line, but on the whole, I’m spending most of my time editing after I have a foundation set. I used to take way longer to write a single verse/song, but I’m learning that sometimes quick flashes of writing can yield good shit. 

8. Do you write to a beat, or do you adjust and tweak lyrics to fit a beat?

I usually let the beat dictate the direction of a verse. I’ll occasionally write down lines that pop up in my head and put them in a song later on, but generally, I write to beats. 

9. What dictates the direction of your lyrics? Are you led by an idea or topic you have in mind beforehand? Is it stream-of-consciousness? Is what you come up with determined by the constraint of the rhymes?

It depends. When I was releasing one-off songs before Midnight Oil, they were mostly inspired by the beats producers would send me. Now my albums are becoming gradually more conceptual, so I generally have a pool of ideas to pull from in order to write a song. I don’t really make songs “about” specific things though—not that I have anything against that, but I like trying to capture moods and atmospheres in more general ways. That’s just more satisfying to me. And I won’t say rhymes are an afterthought, because I spend so much time thinking about them, but I think the content of what I’m writing is moreso at the forefront of my mind. And I believe there’s always some element of stream-of-consciousness going on as well. 

10. Do you like to experiment with different forms and rhyme schemes, or do you keep your bars free and flexible?

I feel like I’m still trying to solidify what makes my shit work, so I don’t experiment too much with form. Occasionally I like to try and keep one rhyme scheme for a whole song/verse, but otherwise I’m sticking to the basics and going where each line takes me. 

11. What’s a verse you’re particularly proud of, one where you met the vision for what you desire to do with your lyrics?

The verse on “Harbingers” off Lived and Born. It’s the last song on the album, but it feels like it’s opening a door for the listener as I’m closing one for myself—“It’s goodbye for now, hello forever.” Also the whole verse feels like a major catharsis, which is becoming a habit of my outros.

12. Can you pick a favorite bar of yours and describe the genesis of it?

I don’t think I can pick a favorite, but one couplet I love is, “From now until my voice drown, I vow to hold it down / Say Holden, don’t you wait around, say, Scout, take me out.” I just dig the wordplay on the first line, and the second line references Holden Caulfield from Catcher in the Rye and Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird, two books my dad and I share a love for. I feel like by contextualizing myself with those two characters, both of whom are kids, I’m crediting my dad for teaching me to appreciate reading while also reflecting on my own nostalgia. So it feels like a nice shoutout to him.

13. Do you feel strongly one way or another about punch-ins? Will you whittle a bar down in order to account for breath control, or are you comfortable punching-in so you don’t have to sacrifice any words?

I try not to punch in. I think I’ve only done it on two or three songs before. It’s common for me to write myself into a hole, where I don’t have the breath control to rap what I wrote, but I think I’m getting better at knowing my limits and writing around that by condensing lines. Plus the challenge of writing more concisely makes you a better writer, in my opinion. 

14. What non-hiphop material do you turn to for inspiration? What non-music has influenced your work recently?

I’m not as big a reader as I used to be, but when I get writer’s block, which is common, I try to get back into it. Some writers who have inspired me are James Baldwin, Dostoyevsky, David Foster Wallace. But I dig movies too. I find David Lynch, Bong Joon-ho, and Robert Eggers to be inspirational. And lately I’ve been trying to give my albums more of a thesis of some kind, so I’m trying to do more reading and studying topics to put into the music. For the project I’m working on right now I’m thinking about media overconsumption, the perils of technology and its impact on communication, etc. 

15. Writers are often saddled with self-doubt. Do you struggle to like your own shit, or does it all sound dope to you?

I’m full of self-doubt as an artist, but I think that mindset leads me to only release music I can be content with. I listen to my stuff pretty frequently before releasing it, then when it’s out, I tend to move on to the next project. I feel like I need to live with the music before I can really claim it as my own and be proud of it, you know? 

16. Who’s a rapper you listen to with such a distinguishable style that you need to resist the urge to imitate them?

Definitely woods. Obviously his style can’t be copied (he takes care of his words—Munchausen by proxy), but when Aethiopes dropped, I had to stop listening to it after a few weeks because I didn’t wanna start biting. His tone, humor, and flow are infectious. I’ll put Starker in that category too—I think he has one of the best flows I’ve ever heard.

17. Do you have an agenda as an artist? Are there overarching concerns you want to communicate to the listener?

I don’t have an agenda that extends to the listener. I try not to be didactic, or preachy, or purport to know more than anyone else. My writing is mostly very internal, personal, emotional. It’s common for me to speak in the second person in rhymes, but that’s just a device I use to tell or ask myself something. I’m my own target audience. That being said, I do feel like I tend to write from a very zoomed out perspective, and if that happens to be relatable or evocative to a listener, that’s tight.

RAPS + CRAFTS is a series of questions posed to rappers about their craft and process. It is designed to give respect and credit to their engagement with the art of songwriting. The format is inspired, in part, by Rob McLennan’s 12 or 20 interview series.

Photo credit: Andi June

[lovelywritinglady]

Welcome to my page!💜

My content is generally best read in dark mode. Thank you for reading!💜

Wanna support me? Here’s my CashApp https://cash.app/$lovleywritinglady 💜

Follow my second account if you love poetry💜 @braindeadpoet20

Requests Are: Open

Click HERE to see the fandoms I’ll write for as well as my rules for requests💜

If you’d like to have your own personal letter from a comfort character, please message me for specifics. I will commission them for $5 each.💜

|Anime Fics|

Jujutsu Kaisen-

•Gojo Satoru

“I have And Always Will, Love You”

“His Eyes” (Image)

“Late Night Drive With Gojo”

“Be Okay” (Part 1 ) (Part 2) (Part 3)

“Bath Sex” 18+

“What’s he like?” (Image)

“Beach Days”

“Slow Down” 18+

•Toji Fushiguro

“What If?”

“Knowing Him”

“Bloody Lover” 18+

“Gun Practice

•Nanami Kento

“My Girl”

“More” 18+

“Time Spent Sweetly” (Image)

“Malaysia”

•Megumi Fushiguro

“This Is What You’ve Gotta Do”(Part 1) (Part2)

•Suguru Geto

“Forget” (Part 1) (Part 2) (Hiatus)

“Braiding His Hair”(Image)

************************************

Hunter x Hunter-

•Hisoka Morrow

“Why?” (Part 1) (Part 2)

“Carnival” (Image)

“Slutty Showers” 18+

************************************

Attack On Titan-

•Erwin Smith

“Riding Horses” (Image)

“Why Do You Care Now?”

•Eren Jeager

“Gone”

•Reiner Braun

“Strangers” (Part 1) (Part 2)

************************************

Demon Slayer-

•Tengen Uzui /His Wives

“Flamboyant Past Lovers”

“You’re What?”

“Miscarry”

“Flashy Mama”

“Another One?”

“It’s Gonna Be Okay”

“Mistakes”

“We’ll Take Care Of You”

“You’re Not A Burden”

“Demons Love”

•Kyojuro Rengoku

“Flamboyant Past Lovers”

Rei, My Sister (OC)

•Muzan Kibutsuji

“Rarities”

“Art Eater”

“Women Do It Better”

“Date With Muzan”

•Rui(Spider Demon)

“Big Sister”

•Sanemi Shinazugawa 

Injured Hubby

************************************

One Piece-

•Sir Crocodile

“Smokin With A Crocodile”

“Crocodile Tears” (Part 1)

•Kaku

“Flying Man”

*************************************************

D. Gray-Man-

“Reaction To A Mythical Creature”(HC)

|Live Action/Animated Fics|

House of The Dragon-

•Aemond Targaryen

“First Flight”

*************************************************

Marvel-

•Bucky Barnes

“Forgiveness” (Part 1) (Part 2)

•Hobie Brown

“Who Needs Words Anyway?”

************************************

DC-

•Poison Ivy

“Poisonous Passion” 18+

*************************************************

Supernatural -

•Sam Winchester

“Secrets Suck, Man”

[until-another-one-comes]

Since we haven’t gotten a story mode yet, I’ve made up headcanons of at least 3 different versions of what Francis’s character is like in my head. They’ll change once the game’s updated in the future.

1) Average Joe Francis: Francis is just your basic white guy. Nothing remarkable about him. He just wants to live a normal life but gets really worn out by his job. All he wants is to do his work and get back to sleep. Doesn’t like to stand out, really simple but very shy and humble to everyone. He doesn’t have much confidence in himself and is pretty lonely. He may or may not have a normal upbringing or he could have a neglectful family. I headcanon that this version of Francis had a fling with Nacha because he was desperate for companionship but ended up getting her pregnant. He still pays for child support and cares for Nacha and Anastacha but gets very awkward around them.

2) Dead on the outside, dead on the inside: this Francis grew up in an abusive home that warped his perception of others and love in general. He was mistreated by everyone as a child that he developed some form of mental illness that kept him up all night. Francis became an empty shell of a person when he grew up and just works to survive. He’s not afraid to get bloody if anyone crosses him and it gives him a form of sick delight as the life fades from his victims eyes. If some housewife wants to have an affair with him (I.e Nacha), Francis wouldn’t have a problem with it not because he’s excited about wrecking a relationship, it’s because he’s got nothing better to do. Deep down, he believes he’s unlovable and that he screwed up all his life. If he does end up caring for someone, he will turn even more insane for them. He will do whatever it takes to make sure that person stays with him.

3) A true goth underneath: this is based off Yog Sothoth from the nightmare mode. I think the reason why Francis is a vampire is because of the inside joke that milkmen are known for home wrecking like vampires sucking away the blood and life force but that’s based on how the doorman sees him. Contrary to popular belief, this version of Francis prefers to not sleep with anyone at all. He just wants to do his job. Nacha might be an exception because I think they liked each other at one point but their relationship fell off because Francis was really moody and pessimistic. And since Yog Sothoth has a goth design to it, I feel like it can also reflect this Francis’s behaviour as a typical angsty brooding goth who hates life. This Francis loves dark places, loves sad music and writes poetry in his free time. In short, he’s a dark artistic soul /j

What do you think?

I love first one the most! Yeah, thats more or less my vision for him (except I have my own backstory for him and Nacha), just Some Guy tryna live his life while also going through his day with the threat of the doppelgangers. And tbh I think thats the most 'canon' way to see him.

Second one- I don't think Nacho-sama would make it canon, or at least not seriously, but again it is kind of sus that Francis's doppel and nightmare version is related to blood. Even though its fanservice I still see Yog being a vampire to allude the whole 'milkman are homewreckers' thing back in the 50s. But yeah I wouldn't be all that surprised if theres a twist of him being like that (especially since we already got confirmation that Afton has something going on, if one neighbor can be sus why not two. Or three. *Looks at Angus*)

HELP GOTH FRANCIS REAL?? LMAO I love that idea. RIP Francis you would have loved modern alt fashion.

(Sorry you didn't ask for this, but about Nacha- my backstory for them that I hope to write a fic for is that Nacha was married before her husband was a cheater. She had a one night stand with Francis (who didn't know she was married) and then left her husband once she realised she was pregnant. After giving birth to Anastacha they moved around a lot before finally settling into the current apartment. That just so happens to be where Francis lives)

[mightymizora]

songfic tag game

I'm finally getting to this!

Pick a song to accompany each of your fics or as many as you like. This might be the fic's inspiration or just pure vibes that you'd like to share with readers. Tag as many people as fics you feature (or do as you please!)

Tagging @smoreofbabylon @razrogue @secondsundering @nullshocked @gale-sized-hole

Some of these are songs that were listened to around the fic, others are just vibes, but let's goooo!

Even if Love 

Title: Even if Love by Bonnie Prince Billy (there is also a very cool cover on spotify)

This is easy mode, since the lyrics are right at the top of the fic! But I love it, and it makes me think of all of them.

And I have been yours In foul and in praying And I loved to look at you From the side at night with music playing And love will protect you To the edge of the wood Then a monster will get you And love does no good

The Portrait

Title: Mon Coeur s'ouvre a ta Voix from Samson et Dalila

I listened to this LOADS through the development of this fic!

My heart opens to your voice as the flowers open to dawn's kiss But, my love, to dry my tears, let your voice speak once more

Monster, Mine

Title: You and I by Jeff Buckley

I love this song and while the fic wasn't written with a soundtrack, this one from the playlist takes me back

Where you think you'll fall, I adore you. Where you shut your soul, I will open for you.

Blood and Bone, Bone and Blood

Title: Chopin Nocturne E minor op. 72 no. 1

This on repeat for days. Obviously no lyrics!

The First Leaf on the Tree after Winter

Title: Pagan Poetry by Bjork

Honestly the whole of Vespertine was a huge part of this fic. Also the link is to the explicit music video which is still... wow.

Morse coding signals They pulsate They wake me up From my hibernating

On the surface simplicity But the darkest pit in me

And it's pagan poetry Pagan poetry

I love him, I love him I love him, I love him I love him, I love him I love him, I love him, I

Breath and Rosewater

I'm cheating and linking to the whole playlist because I can't choose a song ;)

[justrandomfandomstm]

Blue Leather Book

This was from a prompt and I got that Steve does poetry on the brain today so I made a part 2. On today's menu we have a Steve POV with a side of Eddie panicking and a sprinkle of misocommunication (solved fairly quick i think) and sharing writing as a love language 4.7k word dump.

This one does stray away from the initial prompt which is why I made it the second part, but still.

Here is Pt. 1 and the full Ao3 link. Any and all comments and messages are apreciated, enjoyy

The notebook had come from a stupid idea to try to get a girl to like him.. 

One of his dates had mentioned how much they loved when guys wrote poetry and were ‘in tune with their feelings’ or whatever. It had started with that. They also started to work on poetry in English, and he started paying attention in class. He wrote some cheesy lines that rhymed, but had no feeling. Something his date told him when he showed her. 

The first time he wrote, really wrote in the notebook was the day his parents forgot his birthday. For the third time. When the words left the tip of the pen he didn't even get to enjoy it, only burst out crying. He felt gutted by his own words. He had never understood the phrase ‘pen is mightier than a sword’ until then. But that opened the beginning of something for him.

It was therapeutic putting his thoughts on paper. It made him feel open, like his thoughts were somehow more real when put in ink and paper. He wrote about his parents, his loneliness that he never quite filled. Insecurities and passions. Everything that came to mind. It really started to grow more when he met Nancy. When all those cheesy poems he read in class made sense. He never showed it to anybody. The moment he got close… Well, you know what happened. The world flipped upside down and he was left on unsteady ground with no gravity to hold him in place. 

He went through a really rough time, the only thing pulling him together was Nancy. And when that also ended, he was left afloat again. 

He found the notebook hidden away from when he drunkenly wrote a few lines when Nancy left. He opened it up and started writing again, and it was like a rope tied to his ankle. 

He wrote and wrote and wrote. He found love in it again. He found his voice, He found comfort and an escape and reassurance from it. So he kept it going.

He always left it on his nightstand, in a drawer behind other things but he could reach it with no hassle. Noone had thought to look there, and if they did, they didn't think anything of it. He wrote at night most times when he couldn't sleep. He sometimes climbed up to the roof from his window and sat there with the book until it was time to pick up Robin.

It never left his side for long, or his house. 

So now, he was panicking. 

He was pacing all over, his usually tidy room was disheveled. His thumb was red with the amount of stress biting he was doing. 

How could he lose it? Where could it have left it? He already searched the roof, the floor of his window, the forest, all his jeans and pants pockets, also the jackets. He looked in every nook and cranny of the house and his car. He was starting to go into full blown panic mode.

You see, these past few weeks he had been having… feelings… about someone. So the last things he had written were less monster-fighty and more Oh-no-I-have-feelings-again. Well, and a heap tone of other really personal things that anyone outside the party would have him sent to a mental facility. 

So now he’s here at four in the morning trying to figure out if he took it to Robin's house for their weekly spa and gossip day and if he could call about it with an incessant questioning about why he needs it back so bad.

And he loves Robin, he really does, but if she stole his notebook just because he was avoiding her incessant questioning about a certain metalhead… Her car rides were about to be cut short. 

What was he going to do if she found his last few poems and ramblings? She knew he was bi a while ago, but if she found out he was not only hiding he had a crush on someone, but that someone was Eddie Munson. She was going to kill him.

God, now he was thinking of Eddie. How, they could always talk about nothing and everything. How he feels more comfortable than he ever has just in his presence. Eddie and how he looks when he's concentrating, with his hair up, or just in general. How animated he gets when he figures out a twist in his campaign evil enough to put Vecna to shame. Eddie and him playing his guitar, how his lyrics remind him of poetry. Eddie and his antics. He would probably be all over the place if his notebook was lost. Eddie and-

Oh shit Eddie

Last Saturday Eddie had called him early in the morning when he was out on the roof with the notebook in his jeans. He must've forgot to put it away and took it with him to the trailer. He sprinted to the phone and dialed the phone number he had memorized long ago. It rang a few times before he remembered what time it was. 

He was about to slam it down on the receiver when he heard Wayns gruff voice from the other side. 

“Munson residence, Wayne speaking.”

Steve was going to hit his head on the wall. “Hey Wayne, sorry to wake you.”

“Caught me right before so no problem, what can I help you with?”

“Oh, um, is Eddie awake?”

He heard Wayne grumble about Eddie's unruly sleep schedule and him yelling out for him. A few seconds and some shuffling later Eddie's voice rang out from the phone's speaker. 

“Hey Stevie, what's up?”

Steve involuntarily smiled at his voice, then shook himself out of his daydream. 

“Hey, Eds, sorry for calling so late.”

“No problemo, I was stuck on some campaign things anyway so you’re actually saving me.” He chuckles softly and I try to bite back a smile. “So, what can I do for you?”

“Did you by chance find a small blue leather notebook in your room? Or anywhere really.I think I left it there? I can't really find it anywhere here and I’m retracing my steps and that's the last time I remember having it.” He chuckles nervously and waits a few seconds but is met with silence. 

—

“-ddie? You okay?”

Eddie shakes himself out of his head and tries to ignore the ringing in his ears that started the second he heard those words. The blue leather notebook. Steve's blue leather notebook. Jesus H Christ.

“Yeah, yeah Stevie. I’m here.”

“Could you look for it? If you want I could come over and help-”

“No, no. I have it.” He blurts out. He doesn't really want Steve here right now. Or he does but not right now. Or ever. Or- Shit Steve is still on the phone. “I know where it is.”

“Oh thank god, I did not want to call Robin's house, her parents hate me.” They laugh. “So, I could come by this afternoon? If that's okay with you.”

“Y-yeah. That's perfect Stevie. See you then.” 

He hangs up the phone before Steve can answer and slumps to the wall the phone is on. Then slides down until he’s sprawled out on the floor. Then, finally, he lets out a sound of a wounded dog mixed with a stressed Eddie.

“What’re you on about now boy?” Wayne draws out from where he's getting ready for bed. 

“It's Steve’s notebook.” he whines, not moving from the floor. 

“... Okay?”

“It's Steves. Notebook.”

Eddie can see the second Wayne chooses to sleep instead of paying attention to him. He whines again and when Wayne still ignores him, he rolls his eyes and gies to lay on the floor next to him. Eddie is a lot of things, but a quitter is not one of them. 

“He’s the writing genius who left his notebook here. The one that has been plaguing my mind for days. He’s the mystery writer that puts my and everyone else's writing to shame.” 

Wayne gruffs and rolls to his other side, facing away from Eddie. Eddie rolls his eyes and ups his dramatics for old times sake. He gets up loudly, whining about how he's not appreciated in this house, and goes to be unable to sleep for the next hours. 

 —

Steve goes for a run.

He usually does so it's not a surprise, but his reasons have shifted slightly. He usually does it to shake off the remains of a nightmare, to burn off the remains of fear and dread from his system. Fear and dread are still what he is trying to shake off, but not from a nightmare. 

He hopes Eddie didn't read his notebook. He really does. If he’s honest, he doesn't remember most of what he has written, all midnight fed deliriums he had to get out of his system. But he does  remember the newer additions he has made. Most of his annoyingly persistent crush on the metalhead. 

Like the rest, he doesn't remember what exactly they say, but he was never one to shy away from his feelings towards people. He thinks he remembers writing something about getting  on his knees for the guy.  

He blushes at that and hopes no one is around. Jesus he was hopeless. 

But can you blame him? Eddie was so… just… everything. He could fill journals of what his eyes and dimpled hands and goddamn presence made him feel.

He thought his feelings for Nancy were strong, but this was rivaling strong. The months he slowly got to know him in the hospital, mixed with his visits just to hang out, it is clear he never had a chance not to fall for him.

It was a lot simpler than he thought it was going to be like, falling for someone else. Eddie was just… Eddie. Not only him, but Wayne too had snaked into his heart and filled the gaping hole his parents had left. 

And now he didn't know where he stood with Eddie. 

He had sounded so… something on the phone. When Steve mentioned the notebook, he was met with dead silence for a good few seconds. He got that worried nagging in the back of his head that never leaves him since Vecna when his friends get quiet. If he's talking to someone and they zone out he has to school down panic attacks. And they are getting old. 

He was probably looking around the room for it, he did find it, so that's good. He would hate to lose what he has written. Even if he doesn't revisit them often, he does like to read back occasionally. Looking at his old thoughts made him smile and grimace at the same time. But it was like reading a poetry book made just for him, which it was but it was nice anyways. 

He grimaced at the old things he wrote for Nancy (now changing who they are meant for in his mind), and he always felt a deep kind of desperation and sadness for little him. He wishes he could go and talk to him, give him hope (another of the things he has written about).

He finally got back to the house and got himself some water. He didn't have anything to do today other than go to Eddies for it. So he went upstairs to take a shower and got in bed. 

He thought more of Eddie, a normal occurrence really. What if Eddie did read his notebook? He probably thought it was just something stupid, like some of his favorite teams and stuff. Eddie despised all that had to do with sports so there was no reason for him to look. Eddie was a snooper though. Could he have found his writings intriguing? Interesting?

He smiled at the thought. He knew Eddie wrote for his band, but maybe now that Eddie knew he liked to write, they could write together. Well, his old ones were not entirely great, he was just an angry kid writing his thoughts down. But maybe,

Maybe he read the new ones. The ones about him.

That worried Steve more than he cared to admit. His thoughts jumbled at that, what would Eddie think of them? Would he hate him? Would he think it was for someone else? That may not be possible because of the blatant things he wrote, but hey, who knew? He could play it off if he needed to. 

But… What if he didnt?

He blushed at that thought.

Look, he had eyes okay? Robin kept insisting that he was very obvious of his crush, but she has also made some non-hidden comments about how it may not be entirely unrequited. He knew he was attractive, and what things he could do to make that more so. And he had been doing that constantly with Eddie. And he can't deny it had worked to some degree, catching Eddie's eyes linger a bit longer than they should, looking at him as if he was something he wanted, something to be desired.

God, that thought made something light up inside him. 

Maybe this night could end better than he had hoped? Well, hope was hope after all, and he didn't know what Eddie was thinking at all times. Though he wished he did. Maybe Eddie's lyrics are his thoughts too? Maybe… Eddie wrote about him?

Now he was giggling like a schoolgirl. He needed to get it together, these thoughts were going to get him nowhere. 

He got up and walked around the room, a plan forming in his mind. His thoughts jubling so he went and got his backup notebook and started drawing up a game plan to sweep Eddie off his feet. After a thought dump, he finally had the semblance of a plan ready to go.

All he had to do now was go that afternoon to get his notebook back. He could deal with what could happen, right? 

What could go wrong?

—

He got there a little later than 3, he knew Eddie liked to sleep in so he gave him time. He brought some drinks he knew Eddie liked as a ‘thank you’. And maybe possibly an excuse to spend time with him. But that's neither here nor there. 

He walked up to the door and knocked. After a few seconds, Eddie opened the door and shoved the notebook in his face. Steve fumbled for the book for a second and before he could look up, Eddie had  closed the door in his face. 

“... Eddie?”

“Yep, thanks. Bye” He heard Eddie say, muffled by the door.

“... Is this a bad time?” He heard a soft groaning from behind the door. “I can leave if you want too.” He said quickly after. 

Eddie opened the door with a sort of smile and grimace. “Nope, all clear Stevie.” 

Steve finally was able to look at him. He looked nervous? “You good man?”

“Yep, yep, yeppers. Perfectly a-okay.” Eddie smiled more broadly, but Steve knew a fake smile when he saw one.

He just looked at Eddie with a quirked brow and Eddie relented, letting put a big breath. “Just… come in.” He moved away, motioning for Steve to come in. 

Moved forward, putting the notebook in his pocket. He remembered the drinks in his hand and motioned to them. “I brought you something as a thank you for the trouble.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, but a small smile fought his way onto his lips. “Of course you did.” He looked at the drinks and brightened. He made grabby hands and now it was Steve's turn to roll his eyes. He gave them to Eddie and followed him as he walked to the kitchen to put the drinks away. “You really didn't need to dude, just a notebook.” Eddie murmured.

Steve leaned forward, putting his elbows on the elevated kitchen nook. “Well yeah, but it's kind of important to me.” Eddie froze for a second, his body turned away from Steve. “Besides, maybe I just wanted to spend time with you.”

Eddie continued moving. He turned to face Steve, leaning his hip on the counter and God did he look hot.  He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. “Is that so?”

Steve bit back a smile and shrugged. He moved up and walked to the other side of the counter where Eddie was. He leaned on it with Eddie, but he faced forward. Eddie's eyes followed him while he did so, and Eddie bit his lower lip, this made Steve brave. He looked forward, at the fridge, and started to speak. “So, what-”

“I read your notebook.” Eddie interrupts quickly. Steve guessed that much, he bit back a smile. 

“Oh?” he asked softly. But Eddie didn't answer. He looked at Eddie now. He had his eyes shut tightly closed, like he was nervous. Weird. 

When Eddie cracked one of his eyes open slightly, it was a bucket of cold water on him. 

Eddie looked, what, scared? Embarrassed? Shameful? Disgusted? Whatever it was, it was definitely not good. 

Steve shifted and looked down, his confidence down now. 

“What did you think?” He asked quietly.

“I'm so sorry Steve.” Eddie said, equally as quiet.

All the blood from Steve's face drains from his face. Now Eddie not wanting to talk to him at the door, reluctance to let him in, was all making sense. He felt lightheaded, a single thought attacking his mind. 

Eddie didn't want him. 

Eddie wanted him to leave. All those things he thought were flirtatious, the nervousness, it was all because he wanted him gone, not around.  Were his feelings such a curse that Eddie didn't even want him around anymore? Did what he write gross him out? Oh god, thinking about it now, it was definitely creepy. He knew he didn't deserve Eddie, too perfect for his own good, of course he didn't want him. Worst part, he was apologizing for not liking Steve back.

Tears pricked in his eyes. “I'm gonna go now.” He says, barely a whisper. 

“Stevie, I'm so sorry.” Eddie reached for his arm, but it hovered over his skin. Burning the air there. Steve wanted to get closer, feel his touch one last time, selfish for all Eddie was willing to give him. “I didn't mean to, It was an accident, and I just… I kept reading and-”

“Please stop.” He said, looking at the ceiling and willing the tears away. “Don't. It's fine.” He looked at the floor, anywhere than the dark brown eyes he wanted to drown in. “I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable.”

Eddie finally touched him, moving in front of him and touching his shoulder as well. “Steve, it's fine. I mean, it's bound to happen with how many times you faced death in the face.”

He choked out a humorless laugh. “The end of the world didn't make me feel this way.” 

Eddie looked more heartbroken with this confession and Steve wished they hadn't closed the Upside down for a second, just for the ground to swallow him right now. He0d take a demogorgon to this conversation currently.

“Stevie,” Eddie said softly, “Have you gone for help? Talk to anyone?”

Ok, what the fuck? He really read Eddie wrong. He looked at him with confusion and hurt. He pushed himself from the counter and walked to the living room. His emotions are still swirling around him.. “I- No? I mean, I talk to Robin but- what the fuck man?!”

“Im sorry Stevie-”

“You don't get to call me that right now.” 

“Steve, Please. Robin can’t help you with that.”

“Help? I don't need help.” 

“Steve-” 

“You know what, rejecting me is fine, but telling me something is wrong and I need help? That's low, Munson, even from you.”

Now it was Eddie’s turn to stay frozen, Hands up as if he was nearing a dangerous animal. Wow, alright. He didn't want to hear this, not now, he needed Robin, to talk maybe, to cry probably. He needed to leave. 

“Steve, wait! What are you talking about? What ‘rejecting’?”

He threw his head to the ceiling and turned around to face Eddie. Crossing his arms in front of him. “Look, it's fine, you’ve said enough. You didn't like what I wrote about you and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable. But if you’re gonna be a homophobe about it-”

“Steve, baby, I need you to go back three pages. What are you talking about?”

Oh so he was really going to play this? Fine “The last poems. You read them.” 

It wasn't a question but Eddie answered as it was. 

“I don't know, maybe? I stopped about halfway through the notebook.”

Now Steve was a little lost. Halfway? He was almost done with the book, he had been looking for others even. If he was halfway then that was…

Relaxation dawned over his face. “Oh shit. Oh fuck no.” He took out the book and shoved it into Eddie's hands. “Where did you read it?”

Eddie grabs the book while looking confused at Steve. He opened to the middle.

Oh this was worse than he thought. He groaned and went to the couch and buried his face in his hands. 

“Im, like, really lost right now.”

Steve started to laugh and looked to see Eddie still in the same position as before, looking at Steve like he was crazy. And fair to be honest. 

Steve motions for Eddie to come closer. When he did, he grabbed the book and eyes the poem. He scoffed at his younger self and his dramatics.

“You know why I wrote this? My parents were home for the first time in months and the first thing they did was complain what a mess the living room was. They made me clean it all up. It was after Hargrove bashed my head in and I had been staying on the couch because of my concussion.” He saw Eddie looking at him with a kind of sad/confused/smile. He looked back at his writing. “I was such a dramatic, Jesus.” He laughed softly. 

“But… You…”

“I know what it says and how it may look, and I won't lie, it was like that for a long time. So I did get some actual help, and I did get better.” He looked back at Eddie and smiled. 

Eddie let out a breath of relief. “Good. That's… good.”

They stayed quiet for a beat, just staring at each other. The concern on Eddie's face moved to relief. Steve bumped his shoulder with his. “Thank you though.” Eddie furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head in a way that reminded him of a puppy. “For caring, that is. Not many people do.”

Eddie scrunched his nose in anger as if he wanted to hurt everyone that dared to hurt him. He wanted to kiss it. “That's… wrong. It's wrong. You deserve so much care. All the care, even.” He said, waving his arms that got a smile out of Steve. His dramatics always did.

“In everyone's defense, no one has ever read this.”

That seemed to startle Eddie back from his plot of revenge.

“No one?” Steve shook his head and Eddie looked as if he just told him the most confusing thing in the world. “But-” Here it was “...It's so good.”

Steve burst out laughing, doubling over as Eddie kept protesting. “I'm serious Stevie! You have some truly good shit in there. Like actual good stuff. Scouts honor.” He looked up from where he had hid his face and looked at him from the side to see Eddie holding up three fingers in a fake salute. 

“I know for a fact you weren't a scout.” He says, shoving Eddie's hand away. “Wayne would have shown me the pictures.”

Now Eddie was laughing, a truly incredible sound. 

“The point still stands sweetheart. It was really good.”

Steve felt a blush spreading and he looked away. “It's really not. I don't even remember writing most of it, Insomnia makes me a new kind of man.”

Eddie nudged his knee with his. “Well, they were good rambles.” Steve looked back to see a fond smile on Eddie's face. He then smiled ridiculously. “As a master of the haunting hour writing, that was the best ones I have ever read.” 

Steve giggled and hid his face in Eddie's shoulder as he also shook with a small laughter. When it stopped a little suddenly, he moved back a little to see Eddie biting his lip in worry. The urge to kiss it came up but was ignored. 

“What?” He asked, moving back further.

“Well… I was just wondering… What exactly were you talking about before?”

Steve blushed immediately at his outburst. Ridiculous now, but there really was no use in hiding from the truth. He wanted Eddie to read his things, maybe that's why he left the book subconsciously, but he didn't want to be here when he read it. 

“Well… It's just… You got stuck in a really dark time of my writing. The new ones are… not that.”

Eddie tilted his head again. “Oh?”

He smiled. “It may or may not be little cheesy, crush-y ones.”

Eddie laughed again, a full laugh this time. The one that made his knees weak. He couldn't resist laughing a little again. 

“Oh I was waaaay off, wasn't I?”

“Only a smidge. But so was I.” They giggled for a second. “Would you- Like to read them?”

Eddie searched his face. Steve was nervous, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and a steady blush still on his cheeks. But he wanted Eddie to read it. It was kind of all he could think about all morning. 

“Are you sure?”

He nodded his head. “I wouldn't offer something I didn't mean Ed’s.” 

Eddie smiled and took the book he offered timidly. He skipped forward until Steve stopped him. He looked away as Eddie read. Eddie didn't make any noise so he finally relented and found Eddie looking down at the writings with a slack jaw and eyes wide. Steve made to grab the book back but Eddie hugged close to his chest.

“Holy shit Stevie.” He said, grinning so big his dimples popped out. His face went from awe to a twinge of nervousness. “D-do you really feel this? About me?”

Words were now impossible so Steve fought his extremely red face and nodded.

Eddie moved fast. He dropped the book on his lap as he grabbed Steve's face in his hands and pushed him in for a breathtaking kiss. 

Steve liked to write, he thought he was good too, but no words he could ever have the ability to think of could ever be strung together in a way that could say how kissing Eddie Munson feels like. They pulled away after seconds, minutes, hours. Steve couldn't tell. Panting slightly and smiling until their faces hurt. 

Eddie's smile turned into a smirk and Steve rolled his eyes in fake annoyance as Eddie startet to poke his side. 

“So, devilish looks and curly hair are your thing.”

He groaned and his face in his hands. “Shut up.”

Eddie's grin became wilder. “Oh ho ho no baby. I'm gonna milk the hell out of this.” He looked back down. “Are you giving up your kingdom for little ol’ me?” He bats his eyes and Steve shoves his face again.

“Shut up” 

Eddie, in fact, did not shut up. They kept pushing and shoving and reading until one of them leaned in for a playful kiss. That led to another. Then another. Then another make out session. 

Now this is how Steve hoped the evening would go. 

They ended up going to Eddies bedroom, kissing and teasing and smiling the whole way through. Finally, months of pining endlessly fixed with simple revelations. When they were done, wrung out and tired, they layed there just basking in eachothers company. 

Steve layed his head on Eddies chest, tracing over the scars and tattoos. Eddie giggled above him and Steve looked up in question. He regretted it the second he did when he saw the mischievous look on Eddie's face. 

“So, how many Steve Munson’s am i gonna find written in the margins?”

Steve shoved a pillow into his face as the other man cackled.

The end <3

I did finish and post this at 4.30 am so I will not say much, might edit later idk. Lots of thoughts but cant verbalize them rn soooo bye :)

[mrcformoso]

Parallels and Details (part 2) for Paper Flowers for the God of Gods

This focuses mostly on Chapters 4-7. For Chapters 1-3, you can find it in Part 1

If you haven’t read the fic yet, this is in reference to my HuaLian fic Paper Flowers for the God of Gods! It’s a FlowerGod!XL AU in canonverse with Rapunzel vibes and Persephone & Hades vibes and an ungodly amount of flower language.

Again, OMG the response to this fic is UNREAL. Like I had to refresh it over and over because I couldn’t believe how much love it was receiving. This fic was both an emotional and mental ride hahaha because I really wanted to channel MXTX as much as possible.

If I was going to revamp the universe, I wanted to make sure that it was as detailed as possible, and so here’s another roundup of the details in this fic because The Brain Hurts But We Are Doing Our Best.

THIS IS ASSUMING YOU HAVE READ UNTIL CHAPTER 7. Please don’t accidentally spoil yourselves. It will be worth it, I promise hahaha this is mostly for me to show off point out details because these chapters got a bit emotional and just to show how much work I put in this hahaha

SMALL DETAILS - I’m a big fan of inputting tiny little details in this fic, whether it be a repeating phrase or calling out certain things that are for foreshadowing or for mood purposes

“He looked up, and up, and – oh”

The first instance of this line was in Chapter 3, during HC’s flashback: 

Hong-er, raising his arms in defense against the intruder as he looked up – and up – and – oh.

This was then repeated in Chapter 4, when Xie Lian rolled the dice and was waiting for San Lang.

Before he could even see the result, he heard the soft landing of footsteps beside him.

He looked up, and up, and – oh.

And finally, repeated one more time in Chapter 7, after HC’s confession, right before seeing the flowers on Xie Lian’s hair

1.He looked up, and up, and – oh.

Basically, it’s all instances when they were feeling extremely anxious and they look up and it’s like saying oh, there you are.

Foreshadowing phrases from flashbacks

So the first instance for example is Chapter 4 during XL’s flashback where it talks a bit about his eventual punishment and HC’s death. Those are direct quotes lifted from the actual flashback on Chapter 7. There’s also repeating ones in Chapter 6.

Capitalization and how important Xie Lian is to Hua Cheng using the power of Capital Letters.

Another thing people don’t really notice, but in Hua Cheng’s POV, he always refers to Xie Lian as his God with a capital G, but all other gods are with a small letter g, indicating the difference in how he regards them.

CALLBACKS AND REFERENCES - I love cyclical poetry and calling back events within the fic. Also, when I write canonverse AUs I love calling back to the canon, or referencing the canon in a way that makes sense in the new universe I made. I also try sometimes to add little references to other things I love.

The two deputy gods - and how important this scene actually was

In the Prologue, there was a super, super short scene where two deputy gods were walking around and one explained Xie Lian’s Gardens to the other, before they’re interrupted by HC. More than just a “haha, HC is gonna kill them” kind of thing, in this chapter it was used as a mode of world building, to establish what Heaven thinks of XL and of minor gods in general, as well as establish that HC made his way to heaven.

However, this is referenced again in Chapter 4. Because HC takes out those two gods, and it causes trouble for Qi Rong, SQX was given the opening to talk to XL about HC. This reveals to XL that San Lang’s real identity was HC (he knew there was a ghost king, and he knew the ghost king was San lang, but he didn’t know his real name)

This leads to Chapter 5 where, because he knows HC is SL, XL brings him to his territory to hide him when he couldn’t teleport out of the festival, which led to the morning reveal of Puqi temple.

Basically, the two deputies were the reason for The Confession in Chapter 7. Thank you, random characters.

Butterfly Weeds - I also think I may have traumatized all my readers from this flower.

Xie Lian’s hair has two indicators of his mood. The first is what flowers grow on his hair, and the second is the state of the flowers (the droop when he’s sad for instance).

So the Butterfly Weed Reveal™ was foreshadowed as early as the prologue. I deliberately didn’t explain what Butterfly Weeds meant because it was a setup for Chapter 6. But if you recall the prologue, XL was waiting on the bridge while looking at his reflection and this was the description I used:

He tucked his hair back behind his ear. It was Butterfly Weeds today, their small, orange buds littered the top of his head, down the length of his hair. He plucked a dead leaf from his hair, letting it fall on the river water, distorting his own reflection.

You learn in Chapter 3 from HC’s POV that Xie Lian’s hair flowers die when he’s really sad, so if you go back, it’s the first indication that XL in the prologue was Not Okay. The river distorting his own reflection was also a metaphor for his mental state and how he was not showing his Real Self.

The Blue Hydrangea

Sooo it was super quickly mentioned but the bookmark in Chapter 6:

He lifted up an old book, one with a bookmark made of a pressed blue hydrangea. 

This is the blue hydrangea that XL grew in his hair and gifted to Hua Cheng in Chapter 2:

…and in an act that surprised Xie Lian, [San Lang] tucked the Hydrangea behind his ear with a cute little “now we match, Gege!”

Which means the book came from Hua Cheng’s collection and not heaven. He literally gave the book to He Xuan to deliver to XL, and also kept the flower that XL gave him hahaha

The Page™ 

Chapter 6, the section of XL’s thoughts as he descends into the Bad Place in his mind was deliberately written in those short lines to sort of emulate the It Hurts page of the novel. I couldn’t really do that in fanfiction because this is not a physical book but I hoped it gave the same vibes.

Chapter 190™ 

There was really no reason for the human face disease and the stabby stabby but I kept the spirit of the torture XL experienced but through the shackles attached to him.

I also kept the spirit of Ghost Flame Hua Cheng unable to do anything until he burned everyone in teenager Hong-er unable to help until he started starving himself in XL’s temple while praying.

The formation of XL’s Habits

After the reveal of how Hong-er dies to save XL in Chapter 7, we see that XL starts showing the habits that we see him have in Chapter 2. That includes pacing around the perimeter, around and around until the sun sets, him looking at his own reflection in the river to see the flowers in his hair, and of course, the next point:

“It was a nice day. All days are nice.”

THE MOST PAINFUL ONE. IT HURT ME TO DO THIS.

This was actually first implied in the Prologue, but it was a more obvious repetition in Chapter 2 where each section started with “It was a nice day. All days are nice.” Initially, the implication is that it’s what he’s trying to convince himself is true (that all days are nice in heaven, therefore he is okay) But in Chapter 7 it is revealed that he started saying this after Hong-er dies. This shows that he started waiting since back then, and continued waiting the same way until he meets HC.

IT IS ALSO A REFERENCE TO THE NOVEL. It is supposed to emulate the year where XL was waiting for Hua Cheng to return. Because in this fic, XL is waiting for his devotee from his final request, and that’s why it’s the same vibe.

Princess Bride reference!

A cheeky little one. “Your wish is my command” which was first uttered by Hua Cheng in Chapter 5, brought back with more significance in Chapter 7 after XL asks him to be saved. In reference of course to the famous “As you wish” quote from the movie.

HUALIAN’S BACKSTORY - symbolisms, parallels, and running towards one another. I AM SO PROUD OF THIS. This was literally the first thing I had to flesh out of when I made this AU because the rest of the story had to be written around this and WHEN I TELL YOU the amount of time I spent making this omg –

Hua Cheng’s red string

In Chapter 3, we see that Xie Lian wrapped a vine with a lotus flower around Hong-er’s finger and he declared Hong-er as one of his flowers. Hua Cheng wears a red string now on the same spot.

Hua Cheng’s umbrella

The umbrella will make an appearance again soon! But yes, the red umbrella that Hua Cheng closes at the Prologue was the same umbrella Xie Lian hovers over Hua Cheng in chapter 3.

Hua Cheng’s name + Crimson Rain Sought Flower

THE INSPO FOR THIS FIC! Hua Cheng, literally meaning ‘Flower City’. After he dies, he changes his name to this to honor his Flower God, and tbh it holds a lot more significance in this fic.

Also, it changed the meaning of Hua Cheng’s title. Instead of Hua Cheng protecting the flower from the bloody rain, I made it so that HC deliberately protects any flower since they are considered his ‘siblings’.

“I want to be one of your flowers”

In Chapter 3, in HC’s flashback we see that Hong-er wanted to be XL’s flower when reincarnated because he wants to always be with XL. XL acknowledges this.

And although XL doesn’t put it together that Hong-er and “the teenage boy” were the same person, XL subconsciously considers him as his flower because of how loyal he was, and so XL took care of him like how he takes care of all his flowers.

And remember in Chapter 5, how XL reacted to seeing his flowers die?

Yeah. He felt that way, and mayhaps even worse, when HC died. The flowers in his hair rotted in just the same way.

“Wu Ming”

Not really done by name. But. If you notice, Hong-er never introduces himself, and Xie Lian never knew the name of his favorite devotee. I couldn’t do the “Wu Ming” thing because that was XL being deliberately cruel in the canon, and in this they have a much softer relationship.

But technically HC still becomes Wu Ming in a sense that he is endlessly devoted to XL and he sacrifices himself to save XL, so the spirit of Wu Ming is still in this fic.

San Lang (or, the three lives)

So the whole “San Lang” name in canon was a) a cheeky affectionate name (Lang is usually a term of endearment), and b) the “San” or 3 or third references the 3 lives San Lang lived (Hong-er, Wu Ming, Hua Cheng)

Now, in this fic, it means the same thing but in different contexts:

Hong-er is “reborn” as one of XL’s flowers in Chapter 3 - remember right before this, Hong-er mentions he wants to die and be reincarnated, to which XL asks “what would you like to reincarnate as” and gives him a lotus petal which means Renew, or Rebirth. This was the “end” of his first life.

Hong-er (or “the boy”) physically dies praying to XL for seven days straight without eating or sleeping. This is the end of his second life.

Hua Cheng is his third life, thus, San Lang.

Roses, Tulips, Gardenias, Daisies, Chrysanthemums

These were first mentioned actually in Chapter 3, but not by name because Hong-er didn’t recognize these flowers, but these were the flowers Xie Lian grew for him that ‘look like his red eye’. 

In Chapter 4, they were revealed to be the red flowers in Hua Cheng’s garden. Xie Lian comments that, if red, they all mean Love. And Hua Cheng says he grew it for a wonderful memory (his first meeting with XL)

Also in Chapter 3, He Xuan mentions that Hua Cheng’s communication array password is “five flowers, but he can’t remember the order”. In Chapter 4, it is revealed that these five flowers are his communication array password (BECAUSE HC IS A SAP AND WE LOVE HIM)

Chapter 6, He Xuan mentions these five flowers to basically tell Xie Lian that he’s working for Hua Cheng and to trust him when he gave The Book.

And of course, Chapter 7, where Xie Lian grew these flowers in his hair as his declaration of love to Hua Cheng. These are Their Flowers.

Paper Flowers

Of course, ½ of the title of this fic. Paper Flowers.

So this one doesn’t need much explanation. They are XL’s favorite offering because it’s not picked flowers, but it is mentioned explicitly in Chapter 3 that XL tells Hong-er not to pick flowers because they will die. So Hong-er dedicated himself to learn how to fold paper flowers.

This is also mentioned again in the end of chapter 3 that Hua Cheng STILL folds paper flowers every day and offers it to XL’s temple in Ghost City (at the end of the chapter). 

And during The Confession in chapter 7, Hua Cheng makes XL hold onto E-ming to free his hand as he sits and folds a paper flower to 1) show XL that he was the devotee, 2) fold a paper rose to confess his love and show his feelings and 3) you can say this is him praying to XL. The setting was with XL sitting on the bed and HC sitting in front of him. It’s kind of like he’s praying at an altar while making his offering.

E-ming - and the healthier relationship with Hua Cheng

So because Xie Lian saw HC’s red eye and declared it as beautiful, I made it so that HC and E-ming had a healthier relationship, and it’s shown in how HC takes better care of E-ming and treats him like a puppy.

In Chapter 5 he summarized his relationship that it started off as a curse (before XL), then it became his source of strength (After XL), and then his weapon. Chapter 7 shows that E-ming became his weapon because he wanted to forge something to protect XL in line with what he promised. His “wait for me, and I’ll come back to protect you” promise.

Role reversal

A theme I absolutely love with this universe! It’s very subtle, but it makes me soft.

In the flashbacks, it’s shown that XL is the one who took care of HC, from giving him a reason to live until he took care of him in his teens and made sure he was fed and sheltered and loved.

In the present time, HC becomes that person for XL, where XL is so sad and tired, HC became that person who brought him food, and validated him, and took care of him through their interactions.

“Tell me what you want”

Another theme I really wanted to incorporate in this universe. Related to the role reversal is the theme of asking for something that you want, and being able to give it to that person.

In Chapter 2, we have many instances of San Lang telling Xie Lian to just ask for what he wants, and we also have many instances of San Lang acknowledging any sort of request XL asks of him, even going away if XL says so (“You should go”)

Chapter 3, in HC’s flashback, we see that this came from XL doing the same for HC. Asking him what he wants. If you notice, XL didn’t tell HC to not kill himself when HC says he wants to die and reincarnate, but rather asked what he wanted to reincarnate as and then provide it.

Chapter 4, we see how XL’s wants are mostly ignored by other people (except SQX), until San Lang comes along, where he reassures XL that his wants are valid. Also, we see how XL 

Chapter 7, the big reveal that the entire time XL was doing what HC wanted before he died (“what do you want, I’ll do anything” “Wait for me”), and so HC goes back and asks XL again what he wants.

References to their canon themes

“Just one person is enough” - except here, it was one devotee praying for Xie Lian to overcome the shackles

“They’ve been running towards each other for 800 years” - in the sense that they’ve been doing things for each other and waiting and looking for each other for 800 years.

HuaLian back and forth - living for one another and meeting in the middle

MY DREAM with this fic was that I wanted to do in this fic was the constant back and forth between HuaLian. I revealed little by little their backstory over the course of several chapters in their POVs to showcase how important they were to each other, even when they didn’t really get to know each other that well.

Xie Lian gave Hong-er a reason to live by being ‘reborn’ as one of his flowers.

Hong-er becomes Xie Lian’s most dedicated believer, praying everyday and . Note, for a minor god this is a Big Deal because he has so few believers and temples to begin with.

Xie Lian takes care of Hong-er by feeding him, giving him company through flowers, and leading him to shelter, which was a Big Deal to homeless, abandoned Hong-er.

Xie Lian chose isolation over exile so that he could still take care of Hong-er.

Hong-er sacrificed himself by starving and not sleeping to pray non-stop to save Xie Lian from the shackles.

Hong-er asked Xie Lian to wait for him, because he was already dead set on becoming a ghost/not resting in peace in order to protect Xie Lian due to his own disappointment in himself.

Xie Lian, despite his grief, continued to live and wait in acknowledgement of Hong-er’s wish. He endured 800 years of imprisonment and mental torture in honor of Hong-er’s last wish.

Hong-er becomes HC and spends 800 years becoming a Ghost King and looking for XL so that he could fulfill his end of the wish.

And finally, they meet in the middle.

WAAAAAAA it’s so much but I super enjoyed writing this fic! Did you guys catch all of this in your read through? Are there other things you noticed? I have more, but they’ll be more fleshed out in the last 3 chapters!