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urdepressedslut · 1 year

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I Get Scared Too

♡ Pairing: tfatws!Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

♡ Summary: You have a close call during a mission, and back at the compound Bucky seems to be distant and cold towards you.

♡ Warnings: angst, fluff, reader injury, mentions of gunfire, hints to anxiety attack

A/N: this idea was from a dream i had (im a lucid dreamer). i have been writing in a dream journal since elementary school, so you can imagine the dreams i have jotted down 😭

The mission hadn’t gone to plan, shocker, but everyone kept all their limbs and were able to walk back to the quinjet.

You had a close call, you didn’t see the previously passed out agent sitting back up raising his gun to your back. Obviously before he could fire somewhere vital, Natasha had taken him down, faltering his aim. Although the bullet had skimmed you deep on your hip.

It was hardly life threatening, but Natasha being a protective best friend, scolded you for being reckless. You knew her intentions were good, and that she cared about you, but it didn’t stop you from being annoyed at her treating you like a kid.

She eventually walked to the other side of the quinjet, leaving you to your thoughts. You thought you had done really well, taking down twice as many enemies than last time. But of course, everyone always focused on your flaws, what you had done wrong.

When the quinjet finally landed back at the compound, you were the first one out, having a slight limp from the discomfort in your hip. But otherwise didn’t mind it, you wanted to find your favorite person and tell them all about the mission.

“FRIDAY, where’s Bucky?” You called out to the air once you were inside.

“Bucky is currently in his room, Miss (Y/n).” She announced, making you smile in excitement.

The mission had only been a three day trip, but you had missed him the second you stepped on the quinjet.

Arriving at his door, you knocked three times, hearing shuffling from inside. The door swung open to reveal an unhappy looking Bucky, causing your smile to waver. Assuming he was just having a bad day, you smiled wider and stepped forward to hug him.

“Hi Buck, I missed you.” You mumbled into his chest, squeezing him tighter when you didn’t feel him hug back.

His body tensed, and immediately you released him and stepped back. You were confused at what was wrong, his face was cold. You were hurt that he hadn’t hugged you back, wondering if you had done something to make him mad.

“Missed ya too um... You should go (Y/n).” He spoke finally, his voice holding annoyance.

You blinked up at him and shook your head, fully confused now.

“Buck wha— what’s going on?” You asked hesitantly, anxious that Bucky was being so short with you so suddenly and you didn’t know why.

“Nothing, I just wanna be alone.” He told you, and your heart broke for two reasons.

One, the thought of Bucky having an episode and you weren’t here for him made your heart hurt.

And two, he always came to you when he was upset and the fact that he didn’t want you with him… It stung.

You stared at him as your eyes started to water, your bottom lip starting to quiver. Your heart ached, but you wanted to respect his need for space. You didn’t know what else to say, and considering the lump forming in your throat, you decided to keep it short.

“Alright yeah, of course. I’ll… See you at dinner then.” You told him, watching him retreat back into his room and slam the door, making you flinch.

You were frozen in place, staring at the door expecting him to come back out and tell you it was all a prank. But several minutes passed and you were still staring at the door.

_____________________

You pushed the food around on your plate, keeping your eyes casted down. You had tried to get Bucky's attention, ever since you watched with glossy eyes as he passed his usual seat next to you, and instead sat at the other end of the table. He was avoiding your direction and never attempted to make eye contact.

Bucky giving you the cold shoulder, being silent with you was extremely painful. Considering how well you two communicated and talked, you were the one who had brought him out of his shell. It hurt so bad your chest ached physically.

Out of nowhere, you were slamming your fork down on the plate with a loud clank, causing everyones attention to snap to you.

"What's the matter with you cupcake?" Tony asked you, taking a sip from his wine glass.

Feeling embarrassed from everyones stares, you snuck a glance at Bucky at the end of the table, surprised when you met his concerned eyes.

You scoffed, shaking your head in bewilderment. He had no right to act concerned, after ignoring you. You almost felt bad for him, thinking he was having a bad day, but after you watched him chatter playfully at dinner with everyone, you realized it was only you he didn't want to speak to.

"Hello? Earth to (Y/n)!?" Tony announced, banging on the table to get your attention when he noticed you spacing out.

Everyone was concerned about you by now, all watching you carefully. You glared at Bucky and stood up without answering Tony, pushing your chair back and quickly exiting the dining room.

"Must be her time of the month." Tony mumbled, earning a slap to the back of the head from the redhead next to him. "Ow... What?!"

"Shut up Tony." Natasha rolled her eyes, turning to Bucky and giving him a 'What did you do' look.

_____________________

Laying in bed on your side, you pulled the blanket tighter to your chest with a sniffle. You began to turn over on your other side when your hip throbbed painfully at the movement. The waves of pain had your body shuttering, your eyes filling with fresh tears, rolling down your flushed cheeks.

You blamed your tears on your hip pain, but all the emotions you’d piled up since you’d gotten back from the mission was weighing on you now.

Light knocks sounded from your door, causing you to tense up and turn your back to the door. You didn’t feel like talking to anyone, especially if it was him.

“(Y/n)? I know you heard me.” Natasha muttered, opening the door, letting herself in.

“What do you want Nat?” You snapped, not meaning to take out your frustrations on her.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on? Your little scene downstairs has everyone worried.” She told you, earning a scoff from you, still refusing to face her.

“It’s nothing.” You sighed, wishing she could leave so you could attempt to sleep your issues away.

“Didn’t seem like nothing.” She retorted, huffing in annoyance when you stayed silent.

You were staring at the wall, biting your lip, trying to hold in your built up emotions. Too busy to notice Natasha whispering to another person entering the room. It was when you felt the edge of the bed behind you dip down that snapped your attention back.

“Hey doll,” Bucky greeted, “How’s your hip?”

You twisted your body back facing his worried form, but your eyebrows were furrowed on how he even knew about your injury.

“How did you…”

“Nat told me.”

Rolling your eyes, you were cursing under your breath. Throwing the blanket over your head in attempt to hide.

Your blanket cocoon was quickly ripped away by Bucky, pulling the blanket all the way down below your knees. His eyes dancing around your bandaged hip, clenching his jaw at the red seeping through the white gauze.

“(Y/n), is your hip feeling okay? Do we need to change it—“

“I’m fine!” You snapped, “Now go away.”

You we’re looking everywhere but his eyes, knowing you’d break down if you saw the disappointment in them.

Bucky was taken a back, but he couldn’t be all that angry when he’d brought all this on himself. He just got into this weird headspace when he’d heard the mission report, hearing that you’d been hurt. He realized it wasn’t fatal, but he didn’t like seeing his girl hurt at all. He realized he took it a little too far, he didn’t mean to make you upset the way he did. He’d shut you out and he felt like his old self when he’d first arrived at the compound again. Anxious and closed off, pushing you away when he really wanted to pull you into his arms and tell you how much he loves you.

“Doll, talk to me.” He practically begged, his metal arm whirring, having to stop himself from reaching out to touch you.

“Why are you ignoring me?” You rushed out, your voice louder than you intended it to be, “Is it because I messed up on the mission? A-are you disappointed in me or something? Huh?”

Your chest was rising and falling in a fast rhythm, your mind going haywire at the possibilities of why Bucky was suddenly indifferent with you. Your throat felt like it was tightening up.

Bucky stayed silent, his heart hurting, feeling terrible for making you feel this way.

You couldn’t stop your mind from producing the awful thoughts, and like a switch had been flipped, the dam inside of you cracked. The tears wouldn’t stop, your sobs painful sounding

“Is it… Is it because you— I— Do you not love m-me anymore?” You wheezed out.

Bucky snapped out of his silent trance, his hands cupping your face, brushing away the tear streaks.

“Baby no…” He hushed, trying to stop your mind from torturing yourself.

“I’m so sorry Buck, I-I love you so much and I…” You hiccuped, “If I did something— If I’m not good enough—“

“No Doll hey… Stop that,” He cooed, “You haven’t done anything wrong, okay?”

“Bu-but you…”

“I know baby, I’ve been a dick. I shouldn’t of shut you out like that I was just… I was scared.” Bucky confessed, your tears and breathing slowing down, you sitting silent besides the occasional hiccup.

“I still… I don’t understand?” You thought out loud.

Bucky breathed heavily, swallowing the forming lump in his throat. He scooted closer to you, pulling your form closer to him, and you let him.

“(Y/n), you have no idea how scared I was when I heard you had gotten hurt.” He started, watching your face soften at his wavering voice.

“Buck, I’m okay though.” You reassured him, grabbing his palms, rubbing your thumb comfortingly over the back of his hand.

“I know baby, but… I couldn’t help but think if you got hurt on a mission and—“ He panted out, “And you didn’t make it.”

Your heart ached at the pain laced in his words, him holding onto your hands in a desperate grip.

“Buck..”

“I know that doesn’t give me an excuse to be a dick to you I… I just get into this headspace every time you are headed back from a mission, when I’m waiting to hear that you’re alright and… When I heard you had gotten hurt— I just assumed the worst.” He finished.

The disappointment was clear on his face, but it wasn’t directed toward you, it was directed to himself.

You understood that he meant no harm, and you felt incredibly bad that he suffered so much while you were gone, you thought it was the other way around. You felt extremely loved in a sense, feeling lucky enough to have someone worry as deep as he did for you.

“Buck, you should’ve just told me how you were feeling from the start. You know I’d listen,” You paused, doubt clouding your thoughts, “You still trust me enough to talk to me… Right?”

Bucky immediately nodded his head, cupping your face, hearing your faltering voice.

“Of course I do baby, I trust you with my life.” He reassured you, “I don’t know why I got like that.”

“I know why,” You started, cradling his face, watching him snuggle his cheek deeper into your palm, “You have a good heart, and sometimes having a good heart can be overwhelming, because you can care so much about something.”

“I don’t want a good heart if it’s going to make me act that way.” He whispered sadly, lowering his eyes.

“That’s the thing about having a good heart,” You lifted his head slightly so his eyes met yours, “Its not something you can just change, it’s a part of you.”

He gazed from each eye, to your lips, then back up to your eyes, mesmerized by your beauty and soul. How could you be so forgiving and caring towards him?

“I’m so sorry I shut you out (Y/n), I love you and I will never do something like that again.” He promised, lifting and pulling you into his lap, curling his arms around your frame. Sitting his chin on top of your head.

You snuggled your face into his neck, wrapping your arms around him protectively.

“It’s okay Buck, I get scared too.”

#reader insert #light angst #fluff #oneshot #imagine #bucky x female reader #buckybarnes #bucky x y/n #falcon and the winter soldier #tfatws #marvel cinematic universe #sebastian stan characters #hurt/comfort #protective bucky barnes

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mmelionsblog · 6 months

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Paranoid [Mike Schmidt x Reader]

“Don’t need nobody knowing , because I’m paranoid , of things I can’t avoid , just like me NEEDING you”

Mike was fine just last week, and now with the new night job he had gotten he’s crashed down within one day. You are Abby’s new baby sitter, due to Max not ever picking up Mike’s call which you thought was weird, because Max was always there for Mike when he needed her around.

Mike has been trying to avoid you at all cost, because just like everyone else in his life, they’ve left (including Max), and he doesn’t want Abby to be crushed knowing she loved you as much as he does. You and Mike have been friends since high-school, well on and off friends, but when you both are close you two are never inseparable. With this new job though, you’re beginning to think that Mike’s having another episode.

You were just reading a new book you had bought that week when you heard your phone ringing for you. Walking to the kitchen, you answered it and heard uneasy breathing. “Mike..?” You whispered out, unsure of who it is. Though if you had to guess, it’d definitely be your best friend because no one knows your house number other than him, and a few family members and one other friend.

You hummed, “id love to mike. But we both really need to have a chat when you get home, and I know you don’t like those chats but you just can’t leave me in the dust without saying anything.” Silence appeared on the other line of the phone call.

Sighing, you continued. “What time do you need me to be there for?”

“8.. or 9.. either or.” He shrugged with the answer he gave you. You nodded, and you’ve forgotten that he couldn’t see you through the phone. “Oh okay,” you respond quickly. “I’ll see you at nine then.” You placed the phone back onto the wall, leaning back onto the counter and running your hand through your hair. “Shoot, what have I done?” You whispered to yourself.

It was 8:55, and you lived on the other side of Mike’s house, so you locked your doors and walked over the street towards the one in front of you. You knocked, in the rhythm you and Mike would only know. Mike answered a second later; a relief is witnessed on his face. You walk inside the room, thanking him for holding the door. “Thank you,” he spoke. “For coming. Max never picked up her phone call and it was either you or her…” he indicated the lady that Abby most absolutely disliked. “Yeah.. think I’m the good choice to go with.” You chuckled out.

“Well, foods in the fridge on the bottom right and there are some drinks as well. Make yourself comfortable, and if the couch isn’t comfy you’re always welcomed to my room…” he trailed off. “Thanks Mike.” You responded. Abby came out of her room hearing another voice, and being correct as she was, she smiled upon seeing you. “No Max today Mike?” He responded, “nope.” She smiled widely at you. “Last time you were here you promised to play tea party with me and my friends. Can we do that tonight pleaseee?” She whined out. You nodded with a giggle following out of your lips.

As you were talking to Abby, Mike was watching the scene unfold. He felt a wave of anxiety has been taken off his body. “Alright you know the drill, I’ll be back home at 6:30.” Mike spoke. “Also, thank you really … it means a lot to me that you’ve came.” And that was the last thing that was said up until 6:30.

Like Mike said, he was home at 6:30. The lights of the front porch was off, the glass door locked from the inside, and the brown door just a tad bit open. He grabbed the spare key that he put in the pot, just in case, and opened up the door and placed the key back to where it was before.

The T.V was left on, though no sound was coming from it and everything was left off. He saw the make shift bed you built on the couch, but didn’t see you on there. So, taking off his shoes and placing his vest on the table, he quietly walked over to his room.

He opened the door, only to see that you weren’t also in his bed. Though it was messy and wasn’t the way how he last saw it. Mike looked over to the restroom to see the light open, and he heard the sound of water going and spit draining out into the sink. He slowly opened the door,, only to spook you out of your socks. “Jesus Mike,” you whispered. “Had me worried I didn’t lock the door last night.” You finished off. “M sorry,” he apologized.

“Thank you,” Mike said. “For watching Abby tonight.” He grabbed out his wallet, about to take a twenty out to give it to you but you stopped him. “The only payment I will be taking is the explanation as to why you’ve been avoiding me.” You spoke. Mike chewed his lips. He knew this was coming, but he didn’t know it would’ve been as soon as he came home.

He sighed. Might as well get it over with. “I’ve been avoiding you since I feel like you might leave me,” he flat out told you. No hiding the truth. “I mean come on, Garrett left. My parents left. Lady we don’t really mention around here wants nothing to do with me and Abby, and now Max has been avoiding us as well now. I’m just scared—” he hiccuped out. Tears were rolling down his face.

“Just scared you’d leave me. So I decided to leave first myself, so that Abby wouldn’t get hurt. She really loves you, you know. I do too. But I can’t risk her getting hurt over and over again, like me, I don’t want that to happen to—” he was trying to talk, but you threw yourself at Mike and wrapped your arms around him. You left gentle kisses along his neck. “I’d never leave you Mike.” You whispered, your face coming into view with him.

He hummed. “You’d never leave me?” “I promise, id never leave you. You are far too interesting to just up and leave. And plus, I love Abby. She is my favorite Schmidt.” You giggled. Mike rolled his eyes playfully. “Whatever you say…”

#mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt #michael afton #william afton #fnaf vanessa #vanessa afton #fnaf au #fnaf #fnaf movie #josh hutcherson #fnaf bonnie #fnaf chica #fnaf foxy #fnaf freddy #Spotify

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enassbraid · 9 months

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𝐒𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧’ 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧’ - 𝐃𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐧𝐠

-> Dan Heng comforting his quiet s/o after they have a nightmare (req by @minimallyminnie)

-> I wanted to write this in a different way from all my other fics. I feel like most nightmare comfort fics have rose tinted lenses over them, so I wanted to take a different approach while also keeping a comfort factor.

Cw) nightmares (obv), implied/hinted ptsd, misunderstandings, nightmare remains vague so no spoilers here, cheating accusations, eventual comfort i swear (sorry minnie)

Dan Heng wouldn't say he sleeps good per say, but he wouldn't say he slept horribly either. Perhaps if he wasn't so alert in his sleep, he'd be able to wake up the next morning and tell March "I slept great."

But that wasn't to say he wanted to rid of that sense of alertness, not at all. In fact, in times like these, he was ever so grateful for training himself the way he has.

You stirred ever so slightly in your sleep. It was brief and quiet, but not to Dan Heng. He always focussed on your movements when you were near. From your body language, to the way you faintly tilted your head when something piqued your interest.

With all the attention Dan Heng given you, it was safe to say he had you memorized.

And the way you were currently stirring in the midst of your slumber was out of character.

It was brief at first, nothing that concerned the young man too much. But his concern grew just as gradual as your distressing movements.

What started as a light shake of the head soon turned into your body violently shaking as you clutched your pillow for dear life. Dan Heng watched over your sleeping frame cautiously, refraining from causing you any more panic incase you were to wake up.

It didn't take a genius to realize you were having a nightmare.

Soft cries emitted from your lips, almost inaudible. But to Dan Heng, they were as loud as the Astral Express making the jump.

He wanted to wake you up, he really did.

But he was aware of the risks of waking someone up from a nightmare, especially someone with your condition. It could be jarring, even making the episode worse in some cases.

He knew it was best to let you wake up on your own, but it didn't stop the way his heart clenched each time you hugged your pillow tighter than before.

“Dan Heng…”

His ears perked up at the sound of his name, were you… dreaming about him? No, it wasn’t a dream. It was a nightmare, that was made clear since his senses heightened.

But why would you be calling his name out in the midst of a nightmare?

“Dan Heng!” You jolted up, eyes wide and full of terror. You were panting heavily, as if you had just ran a marathon.

Dan Heng stayed near, examining your features just as he did many times before. He wanted to hold you, comfort you, tell you everything was going to be okay.

But he couldn’t.

If you had been having a nightmare about him, wouldn’t that be the last thing you wanted? The way you shook and avoided his gaze made him believe that was the case.

“I’m… I’m so sorry.” Dan Heng muttered under his breath. He knew deep down he didn’t do anything wrong, but he still felt the need to apologize for whatever his actions caused in your sleeping mind.

You didn’t respond. You were no longer panting however, rather, shaking anxiously. A chill ran up your spine.

It was a warm night.

“You- what did you—“ Your eyebrows furrowed, staring into the dimly lit void in front of you. “You didn’t… right? You couldn’t have…” Ah

Was he sure this wasn’t his own nightmare now?

“I was going to tell you… one day… I can’t run from it, can I?” His voice held hostility. Not to you, but rather, himself. He knew he would have to tell you his origins one day. But he never expected your own consciousness to tell you first.

“You were going to tell me what? That you were cheating on me?” Your voice cracked, refusing to believe that it wasn’t just a nightmare.

“What…?”

“Yeah, you can’t run from that, can you.”

“(Name) wait, you’ve got the wrong idea. I thought you were referring to something else.” He let go if his self restraint and finally reached out for you, only for you to swat his hand away.

“The wrong idea? What else could I be referring to!” You shouted.

“My past!” He yelled.

Dan Heng never yelled.

You went quiet, staring at him in shock.

It wasn’t like you were upset he yelled. More like… shocked. The guilt of your accusations hit you like a brick. But both of your reactions were justifiable to some extent. After all, you just woke up from a nightmare where Dan Heng cheated on you, just to hear him say it was true. On the other hand, he believed you were referring to something else entirely.

It was a confusing situation.

“I apologize- I didn’t mean to raise my voice like that.” He softened his voice, giving you a loving gaze you had almost forgotten about.

“I’m sorry too… I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions like that.”

You two sat in silence for a moment, a comfortable silence.

#honkai star rail #hsr #star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #star rail x reader #hsr x you #honkai star rail fluff #hsr fluff #dan heng #dan heng x reader #dan heng fluff #dan heng comfort #dan heng x you #dan heng scenarios #dor writes

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i-was-today-years-old-when · 9 months

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i learned that it possible to keep wealth a secret.

Do you know who the drummer from Coldplay is? Exactly.

Will Champion, drummer of Coldplay. Naturally, the vocalist Chris Martin gets the most exposure. But Will, hidden behind his drum set throughout 24 years, 7 concerts, 110 awards won, and 100 million records sold worldwide - seems to have maintained his anonymity throughout Coldplay’s glory days.

Guess how much this guy is worth? According to this site, What is Coldplay's Net Worth?, Will is worth $90 million!

I realize $90 million may not be “extremely rich” in Forbes terms. But it’s still a lot for the average person!

Remember The Red Wedding from Game of Thrones? Even if you haven’t watched GOT, odds are you’ve heard of it. Heck, even Obama tweeted about it.

Guess what? Will was in this episode! B-but, who was he playing?

The drummer! There he was, Will Champion, doing what he’s supposed to be well-known for. In the most famous episode of GOT! And nobody realised!

Nonetheless, we can probably say because of his anonymity, Will has avoided the media spotlight vocalist Chris Martin has had to deal with. He’s been married to the same woman, schoolteacher Marianne Dark since 2003, and they have pair of twins together.

I suppose to be rich and anonymous truly is an introvert’s dream.

Follow my Twitter/X account for more: www.x.com/toastbutteregg

I follow back!

#today i learned #facts #truth #history #news #money #coldplay

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jokeroutsubs · 2 months

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[ENG sub/translation] Bojan Cvjetićanin on WDR.de COSMO podcast, 8.3.2024

On 8.3.2024, Bojan was a guest on the 'Tvoj Korzo petkom' ('Your Friday promenade') episode of the German broadcaster WDR's COSMO podcast in Bosnian/Croatian/Serbian language. It's hosted by Boris Rabrenović. You can find the original podcast here. Transcript by @moonlvster, translation by a member of Joker Out Subs, proofread by IG GBoleyn123, subtitles by TWT pastellibianchi.

Bojan talked about the current tour, audience response, the band's history, this year's Eurovision songs, as well as the making of Everybody's Waiting and what kind of an effect the song has on him now.

The podcast is audio only; you can find it with subtitles on our YouTube channel here:

youtube

or read the full translated transcript under the cut:

Joker Out in Germany - Your Friday promenade

Host: Coming up, we're hanging out with Bojan Cvjetićanin, the singer of the Slovenian rock band Joker Out, who are currently on a big European tour, in which they will have several concerts in Germany this month, in Berlin, Leipzig, Hamburg, Cologne and Munich.

The band is well known to Eurovision fans because they represented Slovenia in Liverpool last year. Since then, they have numerous fans all over the world, sold out concerts, and they also collaborated with the famous Elvis Costello. Singer Bojan Cvjetićanin will tell us more about all this. Hello, Bojan, welcome to our musical promenade walk.

Bojan: Hello, hello. It's my pleasure.

Host: After Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Poland, you will have the first of five concerts in Germany on the 12th of March in Berlin. What are your impressions from the tour so far?

Bojan: Well, I have to say that... this is by far the biggest tour so far for us. So far, it has been really spectacular both emotionally and physically. We are very happy, we are very satisfied, the audience is wonderful, we play well, we feel good on stage, we're full of energy, and we also can't wait to put that into a musical form when we go to the studio.

Host: You sing in Slovenian, English, Serbo-Croatian. How does the audience manage the lyrics in all these languages?

Bojan: Well, I have to admit that so far, we've already done a good number of concerts abroad, and most of our audience is actually from the countries in which we play. So it's not like I could say that much of our audience comes from the Balkan diaspora or from Slovenia. Of course, we would like to see as many people from our diaspora as possible, but it's strange, it's strange to see people singing in Slovenian and Serbian, who otherwise don't even know a word of those languages, so we're not used to that yet.

Host: Last year, you represented Slovenia at Eurovision in Liverpool with the song Carpe Diem. Could you have predicted everything that would happen after that?

Bojan: Honestly, I have to say that what is happening now was our ultimate wish, a goal we believed in, but whenever you believe in a dream, there is a 99.9 percent chance that it won't happen. But truly, what is happening now is like, the best possible result for us.

Host: And tell us a little about the time before Eurovision, how long has the band existed and did you perform in countries in the region¹ even before Eurovision?

Bojan: The band has existed since 2016 and we mostly played in Slovenia. We had a concert or two in the region and both concerts were for a Slovenian audience on, like, those student trips and so on, so we only encountered audiences from the region after Eurovision.

Host: And did you manage to listen to this year's representatives at Eurovision? Do you have any favourites?

Bojan: For this year, I told myself that I would like to hear the songs for the first time when I watch Eurovision, that is, in the first semi-final. Of course there was no way I could avoid listening to some of the songs, since my social media has been flooded with Eurovision content since last year, so I have heard some things. I heard the Serbian song, I heard the Croatian song. Of course, the Slovenian song, which I worked on. I have to say that I really like all three songs, Serbian, Slovenian and Croatian, this year. They're interesting, they're different, so it's going to be an interesting year.

Host: Last year, you released the English version of the song 'Novi val' with the famous British musician Elvis Costello, so tell us briefly how that collaboration came about.

Bojan: Well, that collaboration is... a pretty surreal moment in our life. Completely by coincidence, our former bassist's godfather is good friends with Elvis, and he gave Elvis our first album to listen to and he really liked it. Later, when we released the second album, Elvis listened to it on his own accord, and he liked the song 'Novi val' so much that he offered to write the English version of the lyrics. After two weeks, when we confirmed it, after two weeks, we received an email saying that if we wanted, we could do a collaboration, which of course we said yes to.

Host: What a beautiful story. Coming up, we will hear your new single 'Everybody's Waiting', which was released a few days ago. Tell us a few words about this song, which some rate as your best song so far.

Bojan: Well... 'Everybody's Waiting' is like, I would say, an experiment by our band, a song which, as far as the lyrics go, is actually the result of certain anxiety attacks and panic that I started experiencing at concerts after an unpleasant experience on stage. So it has all been very very stressful for me, honestly, and for these last couple of months, the stage has no longer been the safest place that it used to be for me, so I had to get those feelings out somehow, and I poured them into the song. The guys from the band felt it too, and the producer also felt it, so it showed in the actual arrangement of the song as well, that it's not just a song, but rather we all understood it as a story.

So absolutely, I would also say that as a song, it is the most varied, the most interesting so far, it has a special sound, a little different from what we have done so far. The song is in English, I think it was actually the first time that an English song worked out for me that way, that it sounds good and sounds original, and that it truly poured out of me. So there you go, I'm very proud of this song, and these concerts showed that people love it a lot, they sing it, so yeah.

Host: How much has it helped you in solving the problem with anxiety?

Bojan: Well, I would say that it absolutely helps in some way. On this tour, I also had a moment of panic, anxiety on stage, and it actually ended somewhere in the middle of the song 'Everybody's Waiting', so maybe it kind of works to calm me down, so it has an effect.

Host: Then perhaps it should be the first on the setlists.

Bojan: Yes, the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, and last.

Host: Bojan, thank you very much for being our guest. I wish you a lot of success in your future work, and a successful tour. And see you in Cologne on the 24th of March.

Bojan: Thank you, see you in Cologne.

Host: That was Bojan Cvjetićanin, the singer of the Slovenian rock band Joker Out, who are currently on a big European tour, during which they will have five concerts in Germany, on the 12th of March in Berlin, on the 13th in Leipzig, on the 19th in Hamburg, on the 24th in Cologne, and on the 16th of March in Munich. By the way, on the cosmoradio.de website, you can find our concert calendar for 2024 in Germany, with neatly arranged dates of all the performances by musicians from the countries in the (Balkan) region in Germany.

¹By "countries in the region" the host is referring to the former Yugoslavian countries.

#joker out #bojan cvjetićanin #bojan cvjeticanin #Youtube

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rockermazy · 3 months

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All singing in the show is canonically diegetic - meaning that all singing 100% takes place in-universe, for all the characters to hear and potentially participate in.

In the first (non-pilot) episode, the " Story of Hell" book, as read by Charlie, states that Lillith "empower[ed] demon-kind with her voice and her songs - and as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power." After the extermination began, Lilith's "dream was passed down to her precious daughter, the Princess of Hell", who is presumably Charlie herself. Two scenes later, Charlie is in musical-notation hammerspace with other denizens, being the cognito hazard that she is.

In episode 7, Rosie invites Charlie to rally Cannibal Town in defending the hotel during the upcoming extermination. When Charlie initially fails, Rosie asks how she normally explains her hotel. Charlie replies, "Through singing". Singing is canonically a gift of both Charlie and every demon - both Hellborn and Sinner.

Which leads me to a theory: One thing that's been nagging me since the pilot, is how Lucifer and Lilith have been fucking for nearly 6,000 years, but only NOW decided to have a daughter in the 21st century. It makes Charlie's existence look almost Mary Sue-ish*. After watching Helluva Boss, it made more sense that Charlie might be an "insurance baby", much like Octavia is to Stolas' lineage. Lucifer might not be unkillable. Carmine and the hotel battle of episode 8 have both demonstrated that angels can be killed with the right ammunition. But why was Charlie born now, in the 21st century? My theory is that Heaven asked Lilith to leave Hell, hoping she'd take her song with her. Heaven knew that Lilith was the one making Hell stronger through her songs. Charlie uses song to rally the people around her.

Husk used song to heal.

Song, even when used to butt heads, (ex: Lucifer vs Alastor), will make combatants drop valuable info, basically outing themselves to everyone within earshot in this universe.

My guess is that a conversation sometime in the past went something like this: Heaven: Lilith, bitch - we see what you're doing. Stop teaching Hell how to sing - the bonding and wholesomeness is threatening our status quo." Lilith: No. Heaven: Fine, we'll exterminate. Lilith: (years later, looking at Carmine's charts) hmmm... the number of sinners getting exterminated each year seems to be climbing. Heaven might want all of us dead. Hey, Luci-boo... get your depressed-ass over here. You wanna make a kid this time? (Waits til Charlie is somewhat grown, and asks Heaven for a "meeting".) Lilith: ok, I have got an offer you cannot refuse - I will never EVER sing again, and my power will leave with me - IF you give me a spot in Heaven (or Earth - I should technically be immortal since I never touched the Forbidden Fruit). Heaven: um... win for everyone? ok! Charlie herself (for lack of a better term) might be Lilith's "ace in the hole" herself. Also, this makes me wonder if the only way to avoid lying is to avoid singing on the topic XD

*I have nothing against mary sues. I'd been wanting for years now to do something visual describing the internal turmoil that religious trauma caused in my The-Cell-starring-J-lo --like inner worlds. Telling personal stories and Mary Sues are inextricably intertwined. This show has inspired me to either keep pursuing that or just quit. Because picking apart past trauma for analysis can be more trouble than its worth - especially if you are ready to forget. u.u I still get deep chills every time I hear Emily and Charlie's duet in "You Didn't Know", even though I've officially considered myself atheist for like, what, three months?" This shit was an essay. I'm just going to play Warframe instead. Peace.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lilith #hazbin hotel theory #hazbin hotel charlie #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin hotel alastor

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valc0 · 26 days

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Hannibal rewatch and Baldur's Gate 3 ramblings

I recently re-watched the first season of Hannibal after almost 8 years and since I’m now deep into another fandom (BG3) I analyzed some of the themes of the show and how parts of it could tie in with the story of the game, particularly when it comes to the Dark Urge.

I’m also doing a review because why the hell not. I divided the text into sections for convenience, so if you want to read only the review or are exclusively interested in my speculating ramblings on BG3 you can easily do that.

It’s a long one so let’s start.

REVIEW

THIS REVIEW IS NOT SPOILER FREE AND WILL GO INTO GREAT DETAILS ABOUT THE TWISTS AND PLOT POINTS OF THE SHOW.

If you didn’t watch it and you like thriller/crime/horror please do yourself a favor and watch this show now!

I’ll start by saying season one, to me, is almost perfection. It’s 13 very well crafted and acted episodes and almost none feel like filler (almost but we’ll get to it). The crime of the week structure is integrated with the horizontal themes of the season seamlessly and the story avoids exploring too many parallel plots, making the theming very cohesive.

I remember watching this show for the first time and finishing season 1 in about 2 to 3 days, but I’d never think the same would’ve happened a second time. The first 5 episodes had me in a clutch from the start. Every character is fleshed out and extremely well written, the acting is impeccable, the writing is phenomenal and the visual, even when getting symbolic, never seem gratuitous or nonsensical in their use of analogies and dream-like visions.

The photography is also phenomenal, with great use of contrast that makes the image and scene clear even though it's set in the dark or at night.

If I had to rate the season I think I’d definitely give it a 9/10, and the 9 is only because of two small things that I figured I’d get out of the way first:

(I must remember whoever is reading this that these are my opinions, they don’t mean to offend anyone else differing opinion. You’ll see what I mean in a second.)

Alana Bloom x Will Graham is forced, comes out of nowhere, and makes Will act out of character most of the times.

I’m not getting into ship-fighting, this is not about shipping, I like Hannigram but I have no dog in this fight so this is totally not about it. Episode 8 is great, it has one of the best kills in the whole season and Will deteriorating stability makes for great lines and visuals, other than a lot of tension since he can no longer be predictable and ends up disrupting Hannibal plans.

And though I could attribute the way he acts towards Alana as something he does because of this deteriorating mental state, it doesn’t really feel like it. He seems very present during those scenes and acts weirdly romantic for the reclusive stray-collector, whose primary hobby is fishing and who’s been plagued by visions of death in the past episodes.

I would have rather see them to grow more of a non-romantric connection that may or may not have become romantic in later seasons. It all seems a bit rushed imo.

I also know they are setting up the Alana x Will x Hannibal. Which I’ll be honest I don’t remember liking the first time I watched it...but we’ll see.

2. Episodes 9 and 11 slow the show and kind of drag the pace.

Episodes 9. The totem of bodies is a very striking and memorable visual, but the crime in itself is very bland and the killer only gets a 5 minute scene towards the end which is anticlimactic and kinda too much tell with too little show. It’s honestly a shame because the murders in the previous episodes were very well crafted and paced. This one, not so much. I understand the need to connect the themes of “legacy” and “family” with Abigail’s actions but I feel like there could have been better ways to do that in previous episodes.

Episodes 11. I loved the whole Chesapeake Ripper fake-out, but I’ll be honest I don’t think I needed a whole other episode of Abel Gideon’s story. Didn’t really care for the plot of this and the pace was a little too slow. Good things about this episode are the ending with Hannibal at his most manipulative, and the fact that it starts Chilton’s comedic chain of misfortunes– which cracked me up the first time I watched the show because come on!! this guy is awful and can’t catch a break, you love to see it.

Now that the “bad” is out of the way let’s talk about the good, which is honestly everything else.

Episode 1

Banger of a pilot. Everything for the rest of the show is set up in only 42 minutes if you can believe that. Characters are fleshed out, themes are placed, conflicts are started. By the end of the episode all you want is MORE. I have very little else to say other than the pacing of this one should honestly be studied, a lot of modern series would need the lesson imo.

Episode 2

Interesting case with a lot of great scenes that reinforce the characters and their relationships. You get a first glance at how campy? the show can be, which is honestly something I love, I’m kinda tired of the “realistic to the point of boredom” trend I’ve been seeing lately. Freddie Lounds is properly introduced as the disrupting force she is and we get a jumpscare that made me curse. Sorry, did I forget to mention I’m watching Hannibal and I cannot stand horror? Lmao

Episode 3

LOVE this episode, the way this show makes you feel powerless as you watch the events unfold knowing full well what is happening and who is responsible...amazing! I love Abigail’s character and the very innocent and pristine way she is portrayed when you know later on the truth will come out is chilling.

Episode 4

I remember how grim I found this episode the first time and the feeling returned the second time around. Hated the killer with every fiber of my being and the fact that she kinda looks like Catherine Tate made me die a little. Also the scene of Hannibal making himself a family through gaslighting and creative use of drugs and lies was amazing.

Episode 5

I loved this crime and the way the episode paces the killings. The angel symbology was great, I’m a sucker for catholic and religious themes tied into vicious crimes. The series also introduces Bella, Jack’s wife, which I’ll be honest I don’t remember having a good ending...I don't remember exactly how, but I know I will cry.

Episode 6

Favorite episode by far, the tension in the flashback scene is palpable and when you see Miriam looking at the sketch with the silhouette of Hannibal pacing towards her in the background AAAHGGG- RUN Miriam OMG! This is the episode where you realize how absolutely scary Hannibal’s physicality can be. Mads Mikkelsen is 1,83 (5ft 11) but he feels like a giant in those scenes, like you can do shit about it.

Episode 7

The episode’s case is a botched transplant one and it’s just okay, nothing too spectacular, but the way this series makes me hungry should be concerning, since I just watched Hannibal kill and butcher people who slightly wronged him to make a feast out of them. I’m sorry, whoever is directing the shooting of the food is doing a good job, okay?

Episode 8

My second favorite episode yay! I love this kill because it’s so over the top. Also the visual of a person played like a cello is haunting just as much as the sound they decided to give it. “He had to open you up to get a decent sound out of you.” okay Will go off?!?! A bit sad they took this murder from Hannibal since I believe it was his in the books, but the end fight was worth it (though when Tobias started swinging his impromptu cello string weapon I did cackle because omfg calm down)

Episode 9

See section above

Episode 10

I shat myself watching this episode with all the horror vibes I’m dying please, I’m watching this through my fingers like a baby. I did love this episode though, and the final twist of Hannibal going to such lengths to be sure he leaves NO ONE behind is terrifying. Dr. Sutcliffe even agreed with him and didn’t show signs of wanting to betray or rat him out, and yet in the big scheme Hannibal still found it better to kill him. Scary stuff.

Episode 11

See section above

Episode 12-13

Putting these together because they are the finale and are closely linked to each other. There is no real “crime of the week”, though Georgia Madchen dies at the start of episode 12 and Abigail...dies at the start of episode 13. Will continuously declining psyche is very well portrayed, you really feel powerless with him as his brain keeps betraying him over and over at the worse possible times. Also Hannibal fake-empathy is so uncomfortable to me...knowing the lengths he’d go to manipulate the situation after seeing all the “behind the scenes” is chilling. All in all it’s a good finale though it really doesn’t feel like one. By the end Will managed to see Hannibal’s true colors, but I don’t think he’ll fully understand what he’s fighting against until he actually sees Hannibal in action, so it does feel inconclusive in a way. We do get Hannibal funny naked fursona is all its glory though so, big happy for me!

Now let’s get in my current fixation and tie in some of the themes of Hannibal with Baldur’s Gate 3. YAY!

BALDUR’S GATE 3 – Dark Urges, Bad Dreams and Worse Influences

Let’s get something out of the way first.

The Dark Urge is a very flexible and versatile character which is mostly – if not completely– shaped by the player. We get to decide if they refuse the Urge, with the bittersweet realization they still took all those lives and will have to deal with that guilt. OR we could make them machines of slaughter and death, embracing their father’s plan for them to be the killer they were made to become.

There are other variations of this and from what I’ve seen many Durges have very different characteristics depending on how the player interpreted and played the game.

This to say, all of the following dissertations on BG3 and the themes of Hannibal are my personal view of MY Durge or the way I see the character in general, which is extremely personal and could crash with someone else’s interpretation or headcanon. Keep that in mind while reading, if you see me using absolutes or if I forget an “imo” at the end of a sentence, remember this is ALL In my opinion, none of this is to be considered as a general and all-encompassing statement for every Durge out there.

That said, you’ll be surprised to know in my interpretation the Dark Urge isn’t Hannibal, what’s funny is that the Dark Urge isn’t Will either.

Durge is both characters at the same time, and depending where they are in their journey, this may change.

In the case of Will, towards the end of the series you get a more “start of the game” Durge. The memory loss, the confusing thoughts, the haunting dreams and then this weird hellish creature (Sceleritas Fel) guiding them. By this point Durge is still a victim of their circumstances, they can’t really grasp who or what they are and their mind is in complete shambles.

I can see a Resist!Durge in this scenario, someone completely horrified by their actions starting to question who they are, what they did, and if they can ever change. This point in the game isn’t spelled out as much, the narrator often refers to it but the real extent of psychological damage a Resist!Durge must face is left completely to the player’s interpretation, that’s why I think Will is such a great starting point to understand and visualize the character of Durge from a distant POV.

With Hannibal you get a more pre-tadpole pre-Orin-meddling Durge. Someone who knows what they’re doing and how to get what they want. I personally never saw my own Durge as this calculating, something in the feral way the Urge gets to the character in game made Hannibal a tad too composed to fully be an inspiration for Durge, but I’ve also seen other people Durges as cool and collected killers, and the comparison in that case works really well.

Another interesting characteristic of Hannibal we can see in Durge is the twisted way he thinks in relation to others. Hannibal calls himself Will’s friend, and I believe he’s genuine in his affection since the way he helps Will is in done in earnest.

This helping though, it’s monstrous in all sense. Hannibal lies, literally gaslights Will, meddles with his head and denies him medical help. He manipulates him into killing, only to watch what unfolds simply because he needs someone who understands him. By dragging Will deeper into his world and making him a killer, Hannibal cultivates what he perceives as Will’s true nature and potential, making the man a suitable friend for himself.

It speaks to Hannibal narcissism that he would consider helping someone as making them more like him. But then again that’s also why Hannibal is so drawn towards Will, because he thinks differently and he IS different from him. He doesn’t have the same amount of interest or even respect for someone like Tobias, who’s probably the most Hannibal-like killer we get to see in season 1.

He needs the challenge, he needs to feel in control. And ultimately, though not in an usual sense, Hannibal needs a friend. He is lonely.

This works a lot for Durge in the sense that they may or may not corrupt people around them. As a player we get the choice and power to influence how companions act and react, and this kind of duality of “I like them, I want to help them” and “I want to make them like me” is a good motivation to give a Durge who may, for example, ascent Astarion, or turn Shadowheart more towards Shar, or give Gale a power complex (more so than he already has) ect.

BONUS! And then came Durgetash

In episode 1 Hannibal visits Will and brings him breakfast. While they chat in a honestly beautifully lit scene, this exchange happens.

Hannibal: You know, Will, I think Uncle Jack sees you as a fragile little teacup. The finest china, used only for special guests. Will: How do you see me? Hannibal: The mongoose I want under the house when the snakes slither by.

Did I mention I love Durgetash? Did I mention I go completely feral over unhealthy dynamics and specifically this kind of dynamic?

“The mongoose I want under the house when the snakes slither by.” is an amazing line for Gortash because I do believe the reason he wanted Durge to side with him was that Durge was extremely good at being undetected, and even more so skilled at killing the right target at the right time.

I love the idea of Gortash using Durge as a shield/weapon, and Durge using Gortash to economically sustain and socially shield Bhaal’s cult. I love to think their relationship was born because they were useful to each other and that in this completely selfish ecosystem they somehow found company.

Because I’m sure Durge pushed back. I’m sure they realized they were being used and didn’t like it one bit, and Gortash kept Durge around even though they may pose a threat, for the same reason Hannibal keeps running circles around Will. Gortash needs a challenge. Being head of Bane’s cult means that other than his God, no one else is above him, and I think a man who’s been fighting his whole life to gain control would feel a bit lost when this control is automatically given to him without a fight.

In the same way I think Durge would yearn for something more, something different than what they’re stuck with, which is a dying cult forced to hide beneath the city, and a jealous and over-zealous sister who I’m sure tries to kill them once a week. I think they would get pulled in by the promises Gortash would make. To rule together, above ground, for once not having to hide, getting back the power Durge feels like belongs to them.

The similarities I found between these characters are way more than these but I think I’ll have to make a part 2 of this once I’m done re-watching season 2. I’m aware the series has been out for a while and I’m sure people already made way more interesting and in-depth analysis. I still hope you liked my little morning ramble that turned in a full on essay on the subject.

Thank you for reading!

#bg3 #hannibal #the dark urge #baldur's gate 3 #nbc hannibal #durgetash #hannigram #i love murderous idiots what do you want from me

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bronx-bomber87 · 4 months

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Happy Wednesday Fandom. We’ve reached THE episode. Sorry little later than usual. Life didn't understand I had a review to do ha I remember not knowing what this ep would quite be. When it was done I had to pick my jaw off the floor. I was in utter shock and felt like a fever dream I was watching. Like did that really just happen? Was that real life? It’s was so exciting to have the payoff.

Even if it felt like it wasn’t real LOL Did my damn best to get everything in. I feel like I’ve become really good at this gif puzzle but eps like this really pushes me to the limit ha. God bless the gif website I found or I would be screwed haha Let’s get this started :)

5x08 The Collar

Aaron wants to shadow Angela and Harper today. He is looking into being a detective someday. So Grey re-assigns him to them and Lucy to Tim. Telling her she’s back on gopher duty. They could not be MORE suspicious or obvious if they tried my god. You know Grey knows his question about riding together is making them more uncomfortable. It's hilarious really. Trying to get them to out themselves. Instead they’re just little awko tacos staring at each other bumbling around.

He knows they’re lying with their 'No's' But he also doesn’t care. LOL They’re riding together whether they like it or not. It's amazing with their lives on the line with UC their ability to lie is amazing. Flawless really. Having to deal with their still weirdness and not show it? Abysmal. Such bad liars in this scene holy hell. The amount of awkward in this 30 seconds floors me.

From the minute Grey suggests they ride together they’re awkward dorks. Ones who don’t know complete sentences or words. This scene says so much with saying so little at the same time . There’s a reason they’ve stayed away from each other. This moment right here. They’re so very aware if they are back in a shop together everything they’ve been avoiding will come rushing back. Such a strong start to the ep for them though. Enjoyed their discomfort so much ha

We start out with them in the shop being awkward af. I loved the shots in this one and their opening one is great. With the cams coming to life and their day starting. Lucy of course is the first the break the silence. Asking him how single life is? He tells her really nice. How he didn’t have to deal with anyone complaining about him watching football all day.

Lucy giving him crap of course about never leaving the house. Things maybe weird between them but their comfortable banter hasn’t suffered. They fall right back into it with this scene. That married energy they have coming right back into play here. Gah they just balance each other out so well it’s insane. Haven’t had a couple this in-sync since Caskett on Castle.

I love him being a hermit though. He earned it after Ashley. He did whatever she damn well pleased for months. You stay home and watch your football babe. You earned it after that disaster of a relationship. Tim does defend himself a little saying he took Kojo out LOL I consider that going out too when I’m needing a hermit day. I'm with you on this Tim.

I love the affectionate way Lucy says he’s hopeless. That’s the beautiful thing about Lucy for Tim. Yeah she gives him crap but she fully loves that man for who he is. She would spend a day being a hermit with him just because it made him happy. D just wrote an amazing fic on that concept actually. (You should read it so so good) Lucy loving and accepting him for who he is and not condemning him for it. Yeah she’s teasing him for being ‘hopeless’ when really she is so fond of who he is as a person. Loves that man inside and out. You can see the adoration on her face when she delivers that line.

Just love the idea of them having lazy Sundays together now. Lucy indulging his hermit ways when he needs it. No doubt Tim indulges when she wants to be out. Because their partnership is a balanced one. Gah I love them. Chris FaceTimes her and Tim looks over and makes a face LOL god damn I love this man. Chris asks her if she’s busy? She says no…but seems not at ease with this phone call. Lucy asks where he is? He tells her an open house…They could not be more opposites in this moment. They spoke earlier about moving in and Chris jumped the gun to houses. Sprinting toward a future she doesn't want.

Lucy wasn't even on board for moving in...She is looking so very panicked. He’s going on about how it needs work but is 3 bedrooms. Tim’s interest now has been piqued and it’s stressing Lucy out for a couple reasons. She is no where near ready for this step and he’s gunning to a house. Second Tim can overhear this adding another level of stress. She doesn’t want Tim to think they are there. Because well they aren’t….Lucy cuts the phone call off abruptly. Asks if they can talk later? Chris being the clueless oaf he is doesn’t pick up on her stress at all. He says 'love you' and she says nothing in reply just ends the damn call LOL

Tim asks if they’re moving together? Lucy looks even more distressed after the phone call. Her body language screaming she’s being dragged into this situation. Kicking and screaming really. Lucy tells him no…Tim follows up with ‘He seems to think you are…’ Lucy is having a panic attack right now when he says that. The way she puts her hand on her chest. Trying to relieve the building pressure of this whole thing. Now there’s a girl ready to move in with her BF…. She seems so rattled the entire conversation with Tim.

Lucy continues on that he kind of sprang it on her this morning. He can read her discomfort like a book. So he continues his line of questioning. Which is unreal because you know the shop is a personal life free zone right Timothy? The fact that he’s the one pursuing this conversation. Being the one to ask the questions. My god how far we’ve come it’s crazy. He can tell how unsettled she is. The way he’s analyzing her and looking at her tells him everything he needs to know.

Yet he asks her ‘You guys are happy right?’ Lucy does a very unenthusiastic ‘Yeah we’re happy…’ Tim presses on like a devils advocate that is making her panic worse. Saying if that's true this is 'The next obvious steps for them then.' Lucy continuing her fake streak saying they’re “super happy.” Ok love sure you are…As she says this she is rubbing the crap out of her tattoo. Just being a lying liar who lies right now. They get a call before the convo continues on.

Everyone gets involved in a stop Nolan and Celina have. She has a bomb collar around her neck and she becomes the focal point for everything. The tension and writing leading up to them getting her to that parking lot in immense. Even though I've seen this episode many many times that portion always gets me. It’s so sad how afraid she is and her re-evaluating her life cause of it. How empty it feels now.

Pam and John talking was heartbreaking. How all she wanted was for her mom to know she loved her ugh. Sadly she ends up dying and that’s where this scene begins for them. I truly think this SL was a motivator for Tim. One of the reasons for where we head in this one. Because it’s so easy to get bogged down with life. To fall into the going through the motions. To have regrets with having a comfort zone. Tim taking a shot based off that.

Lucy expressing how she is feeling. It was upsetting to watch as a viewer. I can’t imagine being there watching that unfold. Tim being her sounding board. Knowing how upset she is right now. Giving her feedback on what he thought was the killers motive. Talking this out because he know it'll ease her mind. Then stupid Chris calls. Blind as a bat couldn’t read Lucy if his life depended on it.

He’s not calling to see if she’s ok or how she’s doing. No he’s calling about a f*cking house. She could not be more distraught right now. What does this tool bag do? Bring up listings. I love how Tim’s eyes pan over to her. Checking in on her emotional state. Seeing she is so distraught. It’s very obvious she is upset and this is the last thing she wants to be talking about. This moment is opening her eyes to who Chris is as a person. She isn’t liking what she sees.

Her ‘wow’ sounds like she is trying to stop herself from going off on him. So ignorant and oblivious to her and what she needs right now. Lucy already wasn’t on board with this which he didn’t see. Now she’s rattled from their current case and this mofo is sending her house stuff. Lucy can’t even process this right now. Tim being her absolute hero and hearing her silent screaming bails her out. “Yelling” at her to get off the phone. Hate his line ‘He’s in a mood.’

No you’re a clueless insensitive idiot. Who he is currently saving her from. He presses about that damn listing one more time before she hangs up. Haven’t wanted to sucker punch him this badly since 4x17. Lucy can finally breathe when they hang up. She looks to her rock and says ‘Thanks.’ A very loaded and grateful one. Tim giving her the sweetest look. Fierce protector reporting for duty. Putting her first in this moment and saving her from that convo going further.

I LOVE how Tim is constantly watching and checking in on her in this episode. He handles this whole thing so well. He’s not a dick telling her to dump Chris. He’s so so god damn attuned to her emotionally. It shows so very much in this episode. Lucy loves to talk things out and yet she keeps avoiding it in this episode. Avoiding truly getting to the root of why she’s feeling the way she is.

Which is fascinating considering that’s her jam. Analyzing and breaking something down. Digging deep to see why something is the way it is. Yet on this one she is avoiding it and Tim gets her to face it. He even gives her an out if she needs it. Telling her if she doesn’t want to move in with Chris she doesn’t have to. Tim just got out of a ‘moving through the motions.’ relationship. His POV on this is excellent.

He doesn’t want to see her settle or be forced into anything she doesn’t want. Just because Chris is ready and wants it. Lucy finally starts to talk about it. Saying why doesn’t she want to move in with him? Telling Tim they never fight. Thats a huge red flag if you ask me Lucy. That’s not healthy at all. Tim telling her maybe that’s the problem here….

It’s this next line above that really gets Lucy’s thoughts in motion. Tim just did a mind f*ck when he asked her this. You can see the realization washing over her in that second gif. Because he’s not wrong. You fight because it is worth fighting for. Chris has always been this blah middle of the road nothing for her. Was a BF? Yes. Was he decent? That’s debatable…

Chris was just there as a safety net for loneliness. Now that he’s becoming more than that it’s becoming a serious issue. One she can't ignore anymore. All their glaring problems coming to light in this moment in her mind. Tim is talking her through this (which I can't get over.) With the most perfect mixture of empathy and logic. She’s slowly realizing he is NOT worth the bother.

Tim is not only pointing this out but with massive heart eyes. Telling her she deserves someone who’s worth the effort. Pre-laying all his cards on the table in this moment. She can’t break the eye contact with him after he says this. Knowing what he means by this statement. This entire episode is him being Tim ‘I’m worth the effort’ Bradford for her. The more she looks at Chris the less she likes it.

The more she looks at Tim the more she knows he’s the one. And that scares her to death. God I love him stepping up and guiding her like this. Not only that but talking her though this whole thing. Something that he avoided like the plague in 3x09. Shaking closure and talking off and saying it was useless. Here he is talking her through this crisis she is having. He’s crushing it too btw. Such an iconic line for them for so many reasons. This makes me squee still rewatching it.

Before their convo goes any further they spot a second person with a collar. This guy is way more aggressive about saving his life. Pulls off and finds some sheers. Saying he’s not waiting around to die. Tim immediately grabs Lucy and heads for cover. It’s the way he holds her and shields her at the same time.

That’s his whole world right there. He would take the heat of a thousand bombs to protect her. Tim has a one track mind in this moment. He’s not thinking Lucy can handle herself. Or she is capable of getting to cover on her own. No he’s thinking that’s the woman he loves in front of a bomb.

It changes his entire perspective. So he full on grabs her and places his body between her and the bomb. Thats his first instinct to throw himself between her and harm. Gah it’s so good and just feels like more in this ep. Proving to Lucy over and over in this one she is worth the effort to him. Fierce protector front and center.

We catch them back in the shop trying to figure out next moves about this next bomb. Chris texts her another listing... In an area she CLEARLY doesn’t want to live in. Tim can’t stand to watch her suffer any longer. He is as straight forward with her in this moment as I’ve ever seen him. He knows she has been on edge all day. From the case alone.

Now she has Chris making matters worse with each interaction. She looks so upset when Tim asks her if she loves him? Noting that 'He clearly loves her.' His growth I talk about a lot and it’s episodes like this that truly show it. Look at this man pressing her to talk about this. He knows she’s in her head and talking it out always makes it better. Tim knows this about her and is pursuing it for that reason.

Lucy has been running from her feelings for Tim for quite some time. She low key knew about them in s4. Then 4x21 happened and they imploded on her. Hitting her like ton of bricks. This moment is her ‘Come to Jesus’ moment about Chris. Also about her feelings for Tim. Saying out loud she SHOULD love him. That he’s great in so many different ways and yet…

It’s hitting her in this very moment she can’t love Chris because she loves Tim. Because that man is and NEVER will be Tim Bradford. He will forever pale in comparison to the man sitting to her left. Tim is the most important person in her life. It’s just hitting her like a freight train what’s happening. I love how she trails off as she comes to this conclusion. The way she looks at him when she comes to this realization.

Doesn't take much for Tim to see what she almost said to him. Lucy says enough that Tim knows what she is saying in this moment. The way he looks at her after her almost confession. my heart. I think this scene is another catalyst to their ending scene. I remember watching this scene and saying ‘You’ for her and squeeing my head off. Because she just basically admitted to not only herself but to Tim. That Chris is not Tim. He never will be…They both know it at this point. He is not 'You' is where she was headed and they both are aware of this.

We’ve reached THE scene. The scene that changed all of our shipper lives. heh Lucy coming up saying she needs to talk to him. Her rubbing that tattoo of hers before she sits down. Tim making a crack about Chris wanting to live in some remote place. I don’t know anything about CA but I imagine that city he listed isn’t great ha

Lucy says ‘No…’ Tim goes right at it telling she just doesn’t want to admit it’s not working. He asks her why she is doing this? When she is clearly so VERY unhappy about this development. This entire episode she spent stressed and on edge about Chris. Asking her if it's the guilt about Rosalind?

Lucy tries to pull a Tim and deflect. Bringing up Ashley and staying in a relationship too long. Tim does not let that fly for one damn second. Continues his assertive comments with her. He gets so worked up when he cuts her off about it above. That this isn't about him. Telling her she’s just hiding in this relationship because she’s scared.

It’s here Lucy blows his damn mind with her reply. Airing her fears of losing the the most important person in her life. Now I think Tim knew there was an attraction on Lucy’s end no doubt. She invited him in for gods sake in 5x01. He knew there was an attraction. What he didn’t know was the level of importance he held her life. It’s written all over his face. He is shocked legit shocked she feels this way about him. Now anyone with eyes could see Tim is exactly what she said. The most important relationship in her life.

The thing is Tim is so very damaged in that way. I get that so very much. Where you don’t expect those around you to love or care as much as you love and care for them. The sucky life of an insanely loyal person who has been burned which I can relate to. My friend just other day told me how much he missed me while I was away in TN visiting my sister. Him and my other friend missed me. I made a joke like oh did you not think I would come back?

Would you miss me or something? He looked at me and was like yes. We love you don’t you know that? I would be devastated if you didn’t come back. We’ve been friends for almost 5 years. It still shocks me I have people who love me and would miss me. So I can deeply relate to Tim being shocked he holds that place of importance in Lucy’s life. He’s NEVER been put first. Not till Lucy Chen entered his orbit.

She panics when she sees his reaction not reading him like she usually does. Thinking she’s overshared. When really Tim is just smitten af with her reply. He is beside himself with shock that he is HER #1 person. He doesn’t feel worthy. Thats not what Lucy reads at first when she sees his reaction. She thinks she’s over shared or over stepped in some way. Tim stops that train of thought right away. Telling her 'No she’s right.' Lucy once again misreads him and thinks they should just back off this then. Better to keep them as is. ‘It’s not worth the risk...’

Then we see our boy do the biggest leap of faith I’m sure he’s ever done and combat her reply with our next iconic OTP line. ‘Unless it is.’ Looks how cute he is when he says this. His precious upside down smirk. Reminds me of his cute smirk from 4x22 after their peck. He looks so excited about this idea. Just look at this puppy of a man. Going for it and telling her I think we are worth this. Wanting to give them a shot. Basically saying we are worth risking what we currently have for what could be.

This next part is where his courage really shines through. I love how he takes this deep shaky breath in the first gif. So nervous to ask her this question. Tim Bradford is NERVOUS everyone. So nervous to ask the woman he loves to take a chance on him. To go out to dinner and give this a shot. He finally finds the courage to ask her. Lucy’s answer is immediate and adorable.

If she could go to dinner right then and there she would. Jumping out of her skin with excitement at his proposal of going out. Tim is so elated and his smile so damn wide when he says ‘Yeah?’ He can’t believe his luck. Looks like the smile of a man who just got everything he's ever wanted. Months of longing over in this moment of courage. He’s so happy she’s said yes. The man is beaming proudly displaying that Lucy smile he reserves for her and ONLY her. Lucy mirrors his elation with her 'Yeah' *heart clutch*

Lucy then back tracks and we watch our boy deflate instantly. He looks so very upset when she takes it back. Her excitement got the better of her and she retracts. I saw a hilariously accurate depiction of Tim in this scene. Said he had golden retriever energy in this moment. All excited and giddy for getting what he wants. Body wiggling with absolute joy. Then is told no and is all sad and deflated. Then he doesn’t perk back up until she says she needs to end things with Chris first.

The analogy cracked me up because it was accurate. He looks so very gutted when she says no after. Has that 'This was too good to be true I guess.' energy coming off him in waves. Lucy tries to rectify the situation with her reason why. Doesn't want to see that sad look on his face. The man looks devastated. He just went from an absolute high only to come crashing down seconds later. The way he nods like he understands but is really hurt about it. My poor puppy of a man.

I love how he lights backs up when she tells him to ask her again. Later. After she’s rid herself of the dead weight that is Chris. Making sure Tim knows she wants this just as much as he does. She just needs to end things first. Make it right. No one gets doing things honorably more than Tim Bradford. His cute smile after he tells Lucy 'Deal.' His hope returning. Their body language above in the last gif is everything. Their bodies are pointed towards each other. They couldn’t be happier right now. Leaning in toward one another finally giving into that magnetic pull of their's. Both grinning like idiots in love. Gah I can not. I am a puddle. I remember rewinding that scene to make sure I saw and heard everything correctly.

I was expecting their pining era to last longer tbh. I was delightfully surprised when Tim of all people took the leap. Helped Lucy take it with him. For him to be the one without doubts and to go for it was so important. Lucy for the most part has been the catalyst in their relationship. Tim has has his moments. More so in the last season or so. But Lucy has mainly been in the drivers seat. To watch this man overcome his fear of rejection and go for it with her. my damn heart. This man isn’t scared to ruin what they have because he KNOWS. This is it for him. She is it. I can’t get over how much he’s grown to get to this place.

To be the one to say hey we’re worth the risk. Would you like to go out with me? Showing her she’s worth the effort of leaving his comfort zone. This moment right here is why I’m so glad they did the slow burn. Why I was ultimately happy they didn’t hook up in 5x01. This was the right way to do it. I wouldn’t trade a moment of their journey to get to this point. Not one and that’s is a rarity I’ve only had with one other ship. Castle and Beckett and that is a high honor if you know that ship. This was another daunting one to tackle but so fun to write about. I was buzzing for days after this episode. Mostly just happy this is where our slow burn ended up. Wouldn’t change a damn thing.

~~~

Side notes-non Chenford

The whole bomb SL with Pam makes me cry every time. It’s so tragic. Will say John was great with her rarely give him props but he does so good with her. Celina having to do the death notice kills me this ep is very emotional.

Bailey messing with John with the clowns is pretty funny LOL but idk how Bailey could think a coyote was a dog lmao ‘how did you get him In the crate?’ 😂

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radiobelle23 · 2 years

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All the KinnPorsche fics that had me in a chokehold - completed recs because I know we all have PTSD from incomplete fics

So here I am after thousands of years of being off tumblr for one reason. KINNPORSCHE. Now if you’re like me and you like to hyper fixate on things, then you know what’s it’s like to spend hours trying the find the best fics to satisfy that boost of serotonin. So here I’ve listed all of my favorite KP fics I’ve read on AO3. Now, I mainly read smut but I do enjoy a little fluff every once in a while so WARNING: I’m gonna list some of the most toe curling, smut filled fics of them all here, some summaries are VERY EXPLICIT. I do read Vegas/Pete and Kim/Chay fics as well but this is primarily dedicated to my two favorite kingpins. Originally this was going to be a complete/incomplete rec list but I then realized it was going to be a monster of a rec page. Anyways ENJOY !

Update 10/1/22: Happy spooky season! Can I just say that I honestly did not expect my little list to blow up like this? You guys all fed into my praise kink, not gonna lie. And some of the authors saw it!?! I am not worthy!!! You all deserve the love!!! I realized I left out a couple fics and I am back to right my wrongs! So any * you see has been added since the orig post date... I might need to make a second list.....

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The Kings Tree - LuckyDragon

Summary: Kinn was seven when he woke up one morning to discover a small silver circle on the back of his left wrist.

Chapters: 14/14 Words: 78,474

In the Eye of the Beholder - asleepby2

Summary: Rich, the latest recruit to the main family's famed security detail, has no idea what exactly the two dons have going on and he's determined to find out.

- or -

Kinn and Porsche as observed by an oblivious fool.

Chapters: 3/3 Words: 7,883

tiny spark, mighty flame - BeStillMySlashyHeart

Summary: In a world where the touch of your skin with another could reveal your soulmate, Kinn keeps his collars high and his gloves on. What happens when he's not allowed to do that anymore?

Chapters: 11/11 Words: 29,452

A Little Wicked - midnightsurge

Summary: “There is a way to get her off your back,” Kinn seems reluctant to say. “I don’t know how willing you’d be to go through with it.”

Porsche raises an eyebrow.

Kinn sighs and finally spills. “If she thinks you’re with me, she won’t dare approach you anymore.”

Porsche freezes. He stares Kinn down.

Porsche never pawns the watch. Kinn never kidnaps him. Somehow they still fall for each other.

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 11,146

Paperwork Promises - surrealsunday

Summary: Filing paperwork and tending to the needs of rich, stuffy executives was never Porsche’s dream career, but a job is a job. That job is made a lot less easy – but maybe a bit more interesting – when the boss he’s been avoiding since that very first day in the elevator, gets a lapful of coffee and an eyeful of Porsche. Just when Porsche was getting used to the monotony of the every day…

Executive Bossman Kinn | Assistant Smartass Porsche

Chapters: 8/8 Words: 80,533

fool me once (fool me twice) - perfumes

Summary: Porsche wondered if any of it was real. It sure seemed real at the time, when Porsche chose scissors to Kinn’s rock, when Kinn looked back at him with such devastation. Such love. It felt real when he’d looked up from the fish they’d caught and said: So kind. Why do you keep your smiles to yourself?

Now, Porsche wore handcuffs again. He left them lying alone in his cell. He could barely look at them.

Perhaps, Porsche had only seen what he wanted to see. Perhaps, he had only ever been a replacement to Kinn. Until the real thing came along.

“I’m going to do what I should have done a long time ago,” he said. “But I need your help. Will you give it?”

Vegas smirked.

(Or: When Kinn believes Tawan over Porsche, Porsche asks Vegas to help him fake his and his brother's deaths to escape the mafia world. Years later, Kinn visits a small, private beach and orders a drink.)

[Episode 9 Canon Divergence]

Chapters: 8/8 Words: 30,528

Parallel Love - PrinceHeart

Summary: “Do you take Porsche Pachara Kittisawat as your lawful spouse?”

Kinn’s jaw clenched at that, then he reminded himself why he was doing this.

“I fucking do.”

Or where the only solution to bloodshed, violence and disaster between the two mafia clans, is simple. An arranged marriage.

Chapters 20/20 Words: 64,154

between the sheets - DasWarSchonKaputt

Summary: “And who’s that?”

“Oh. That’s Porsche. He’s Khun Kinn’s live-in boytoy. He’s harmless, mostly. Just a pretty face.”

A boyfriend can go so many places a bodyguard can’t. As the threat of a potential leak in their security forces looms large, Khun Korn hatches a plot to place an added layer of protection around his heir presumptive. Enter Porsche, former bartender, current bodyguard, and reluctant fake boyfriend of Kinn Theerapanyakul.

Chapters: 8/8 Words: 70,456

cravin’ - yeetlegay

Summary: It’s only when Kinn is two knuckles deep in Porsche’s ass, his teeth buried in the meat of his thigh, that it occurs to Porsche he probably isn’t that straight.

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 1,847

Trials & Tribulations - rainbowcolored7

Summary: In which Kinn is a renowned lawyer for TK & Associates, as well as a certified bastard, and Porsche is his new assistant who isn't sure whether he'll scald him with hot coffee or fuck him before he decides to quit.

Chapters: 3/3 Words: 26,348

Your teeth round my organs - androktasia

Summary: “Aren’t you meant to finger me?” Porsche asks, breathless, as Kinn smears lube around the rim of his hole. Kinn looks up, pausing his movements, and Porsche shifts slightly, almost unconsciously, as though trying to get him inside.

“Where did you hear that?” Kinn asks.

“I watched some porn,” Porsche says, and Kinn raises an eyebrow at him, unimpressed. He remembers the kind of porn Porsche likes – shrieking women lying back and taking it from coarse, grunting men. “Gay porn,” Porsche clarifies after a moment.

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 3,148

Weak Spot - tessalane

Summary: Kinn nods and clears his throat. “Yeah, I’m – I’m taken.”

“And who is the lucky one?” His uncle snorts, clearly not buying it. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and scans Kinn as if his nephew would say, “ha, sorry, I was just joking.”

Kinn seems hesitant for a moment, but then he turns around and points at Porsche. “It’s Porsche.” He holds out his hand and fakes a smile aimed at Porsche. “Baby, come here.”

What the actual fuck?

Chapters: 11/11 Words: 35,920

give it to ya like you never had it - mirrorofprinces

Summary: “Porsche is extremely close to signing. In fact, he has a final meeting with the execs on Monday morning. The only condition is that he wants to request his first partner, and it’s you.”

Kinn takes a long drink of his whiskey, sets the glass down, and runs his tongue over his teeth. “So you had to meet with me, urgently, to tell me that a beautiful boy wants me to fuck him, thinking I’d say no.” He drums his fingers on the bartop. “Which means there’s a catch.”

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 7,448

right here beside you, i’m still - P1n3appl3_p3n

Summary: When Kinn gets sick, Porsche steps in to lead the major and minor families. They are grossly in love.

In his five months as head of the minor family, this is his first meeting with other clan heads without the weight and presence of Kinn, and to some it probably appears like blood in the water. Porsche much prefers to sit at Kinn's right hand, but he knows he can manage on his own.

His grin is careless, a careful veneer. Time to show these assholes the minor family isn’t one to be underestimated.

“Let’s begin.”

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 3,869

You picked a dance with the devil, You lucked out - aby01

Summary: Feral alphas are devastatingly violent, brutally vicious and absolutely loyal. To have one under your control means great power. Kinn has been looking for his own for years now.

He just didn't think he'd find it in a mouthy beta that tricks him out of his favorite watch.

Chapters: 4/4 Words: 34,025

Note: this is a A/O/B fic, if that’s not your preference genre then skip ahead... But you should really try anything once 😉.

Make Me Come Undone - ahdriking *

Summary: Porsche fucked up. He fucked up badly.These are his consequences. Kinn teaches Porsche a lesson in trust, and being careful what he asks for. Unfortunately for Porsche, some lessons have to be learnt the hard way.

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 15,108

give him something to believe in. - Skamtrash *

Summary: vegas and kinn make a bet to see who can fuck their bottoms better. the couples fuck next to each other to see who will win, pure filth ensues.

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 4,134

The Things We Do For Love - Hissnoiice - A/O/B fic *

Summary: He loves in the way a Theerapanyakun does. Kinn is his father's son afterall, looking after what is his has been ingrained in him since birth.

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 8,021

If You Like Series

like real people do -motherfleckers

Summary: A series of fics set in a fluffy AU where Kinn is a celebrity singer and Porsche is a bartender in a small beach town. That's it, that's all there is.

Works: 2 Words 20,279

speeding through all of these red lights - foreigncars (lunarsoo)

Summary: “I’d like to work for you.”

Porsche didn’t expect his words to draw such an easy laugh out of Kinn. He can’t say he doesn’t like the sound of it, but it’s a little disappointing that he gets to hear it at his expense.

“Why would you want to work for me, Porsche? You know what I do, right?”

- Alternatively, the one where Porsche asks to work for Kinn instead.

Works: 4 Word: 90,539

What I Would Do - TheObsoleteOne

Summary: Kinn was always in control - he had who he wanted, when he wanted and how he wanted.

Of course Porsche would end up being the exception.

Works: 3 Word: 36,042

note: author does not have a series summary so i placed the summary for part 1 instead. Part 2 is a Kim/Chay one shot that I found cute. Part 3 as of now is incomplete, hoping the author finishes because I really did like this series. I still placed it on the list because part 1 ended well and is worth a read.

Readers Choice - here's where I gush over some authors

Note: Can I just give a round of applause to the following authors for having multiple works ready for me (and you) to spend countless of hours - and I literally mean hours reading through.

iffervescent

Note: this author also happens to have all of the sexy scenes from the KP novels translated... just saying 👀....

The power in the taking

Summary: They warned him, when he started working for the Theerapanyakun clan. Forget leadership, forget duty to his people, forget all that – they warned him. Kinn Theerapanyakun, clan heir: obsessed with power.

Porsche should have fucking listened.

Chapters: 2/2 Words: 17,005

Public Consumption

Summary: Porsche agrees to be in a gay porno. Kinn doesn't work here.

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 13,598

and its VEGASPETE counterpart

Brand Recognition

Summary: Vegas wants his top billing back. Pete likes being on the bottom.

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 6,910

Sample Tasting *

Summary: Porsche wants Kinn to ask. Kinn just wants the answers.

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 10,037

Note: also part 3 of Public Consumption 😉

Intent to Cherish - A/O/B fic

Summary: A mouthy beta runs off with Kinn's watch. He goes to get it back

Chapters: 4/4 Words: 47,670

Knowing him, knowing you

Summary: They do the threesome thing, every now and then.

Kinn and Tay meet Porsche

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 12,619

Note: Okay so i couldn't resist throwing this Kinn/Prosche/Tay fic in here, so good and so smutttttyyyy

SourwolfZiam

The Crown

Summary: “Your Highness” Porsche greets after opening the door and finding Prince Anakinn standing there. He keeps his voice flat and emotionless as if he was addressing the King or his General. He bows his head for a few seconds, not looking him directly in the eyes as he’s taken to doing the last few months.

Porsche doesn’t miss the way the way the corners of the prince's mouth tightens at his tone.

“Lieutenant General” Prince Anakinn – Kinn – returns, his voice carefully neutral.

Lieutenant General Porsche and Prince Kinn are together and in love, until they aren't anymore.

This is a love story.

Korn is the villain.

Chapters: 6/6 Words: 25,752

Mr. and Mr. Theerapanyakun-Kittisawasd

Summary: The life of the It couple in Thailand, billionaire Kinn Theerapanyakun and supermodel Porsche Kittisawasd.

Works: 2 Words: 8,634

fortunehasgivenup

the undone and the divine

Summary: In the aftermath of battle, all that's left is need.

Need to touch, to feel, to be certain that one is alive and whole.

Kinn and Porsche give in to their need.

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 1,587

but you’re everywhere (yes you are)

Summary: What if Porsche, upon remembering the kiss on the pier, went to Kinn and said that he remembered? What if there was no diamond auction? What if they'd had a different start?

Would it make them any softer?

(No.)

Chapters: 3/3 Words: 92,424

even though you’re not mine, you’ve got that look in your eyes

Summary: "He doesn’t do that kind of thing."

What Yok means when she tells Kinn this: Porsche doesn’t engage in sex work.

What Kinn hears when Yok tells him this: Porsche doesn’t take men as clients.

One day, Porsche is struggling to make ends meet, enjoying the occasional hook-up in the back of Yok’s bar. The next, Anakinn Theerapanyakul is offering him an obscene amount of money to get added to his roster of “friends”.

The money’s good, the sex is better, there’s no way that this can backfire, right?

Chapters: 2/2 Words: 26,805

The One Where Porsche and Kim Are Gym Buddies

Summary: When the Phoenix comes up to Kim at the gym and introduces himself as Porsche, it's only polite to reply. They're both in the fighting circuit after all.

One conversation leads to another and soon they're gossiping about their romantic lives.

Romantic lives being the rich dude who's been railing Porsche into next week and the cute guy that Kim can't help but want to spend more time with.

It's nice having a friend who doesn't know your brother.

Chapters: 2/2 Words: 19,598

Happy reading! I will be making a separate list for the current ongoing fics, hopefully by the time i get started they'll be close to completion. Let me know if your interested in the VegasPete or KimChay list, I dont have as much but still good to spread.

kurtstiel

i'm the one for your fire

Summary: This series is canon compliant with the exception of Kinn and Porsche being in an established Dom/sub relationship.

It will explore various aspects of a Dom/sub dynamic with lots of bratty Porsche and doting but firm Dom Kinn.

Works: 5 Word: 39,660

gone was any trace of you *

Summary: Kinn is looking at Porsche like he’s seen a ghost.

Porsche blinks and the haunted expression is gone, Kinn smoothing it over with something neutral, but there’s still something fragile at the edges of it, like a crystal figurine balanced on a ledge. Kinn’s body relaxes in a way that’s purposefully casual, tucking his outstretched foot back onto the bed.

“You were in the bathroom,” Kinn says. He phrases it like an answer rather than a question

Or: Porsche left Kinn in their bed with nothing but a note. In the aftermath of the shootout, Kinn can't stop thinking about it.

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 11,097

all of me (is all for you) *

Summary: The water has saturated Porsche's white shirt completely, soaking through the vest beneath. The translucent material clings obscenely to the swell of his pecs. His nipples are clearly visible through the sheer material, hard and pebbled, with the unmistakable shape of the metal barbells pierced either side of them.Porsche’s head jerks up to check if he can still hide them from Kinn, but it’s already too late. Kinn is standing across the room, staring in Porsche’s direction, entire body coiled tight like a spring.Or: While Kinn is away on a business trip, Porsche gets his nipples pierced as a surprise for their anniversary. Kinn comes home earlier than Porsche expected.

Chapters: 1/1 Words: 9,940

And

Please leave comments and kudos to the authors, they deserve all of the love and more 💞

***yeah im gonna need to make another list...

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche fanfic #fanficrec #reading is my therapy #thai bl #dont be shy #read at your own risk

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yepthatsacowalright · 5 months

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Doctor Who, The Process Of Healing From Trauma, and Me: A Text Post Essay No One Asked For

Back in 2006ish, when I first started watching Doctor Who as a teenager in late high school/early college, it captivated me mind, body, and soul. I ate that early 2000s, broody-complex-hero shit up.

I loved that the Doctor grappled with the guilt and regret from some truly fucked up shit he did, and I loved that he gave the middle finger to it by going on wild, ridiculous-special-effects-ed adventures instead of attempting the mortifying ordeal of opening up about it.

I'm sure, judging by how popular the 2005 version of the show became, a lot of my generation felt similar. 9/11 hadn’t been that long ago. We were coming of age and starting to sense that the world kind of sucked major ass, and perhaps the older generations had been super lying to us about most things this whole time.

As such, Rose Tyler was living the dream as far as I was concerned. Abandoning her place in this bullshit society to go help people and save lives with someone who never settled, who always ran towards the darkness, who found ways to laugh and dance in it even…Rose's lifestyle was goals.

Not only did the Ninth and Tenth Doctor's struggle to opening up about what they'd been through or forgive themselves for it not bother teen me at all, I preferred it. It was understandable and relatable. I wasn't ready to actually look at and deal with any of my own problems either, I just didn't want to pretend like I had none. Admitting there's a problem is the first step, and that's where Nine, Ten, Rose, and me all hung out and had fun.

Rose’s "death" was when I started to feel differently. It wasn't that I didn't still enjoy the show - I kept watching through Martha and Donna's seasons, and also a little bit into Eleven's run - but it wasn't the same. I could never quite get over the loss of Rose, or how the Doctor chose to get over it by doing what he always did - ignore and repress.

It had been much easier to watch the Doctor do this with trauma when I didn't know much about what he'd been through, but every time he avoided the topic of Rose, or minimized who she was, it pissed me off. It felt bad to watch him do that to the memory of someone who mattered.

I was starting to realize that just admitting you had problems wasn't sustainable. I couldn't stay on that first step indefinitely, and Doctor Who didn't feel like it was my show anymore, which was fine. After all, it's a family-friendly series. An episode on intergalactic talk therapy is not going to be a hit with the kids.

I was off to have the one adventure the Doctor never could - to understand and manage my own mental health. Learning about psychology, learning about trauma, going to therapy. I processed, I surprised myself, I found new stories to obsess over that resonated with a different, older version of me.

Whenever I popped back into Doctor Who, it felt more nostalgic than anything else. It reminded me of how I used to feel, and how far I'd come. I had that bittersweet feeling of wishing I could connect with it the way I used to, but being grateful that the reason I couldn't was a positive, therapeutic one.

And then…the 60th Anniversary Specials.

David Tennant didn’t even do anything that different in his performance, and he admits as much in interviews. Trying to replicate what he did as the Tenth wouldn't make sense because he isn't the Tenth, and trying to do something completely new wouldn't make sense because then why bring back David at all?

He just played the role as an actor who's lived 10 more years since the last time he played the role, and brother that shit hit me hard.

All the natural, subtle, perhaps subconscious changes in him made me feel the weight of slightly too many years passing. Despite knowing I am relatively young, l’m at a point in my life where I, for the first time, feel old.

Gray hairs and smile lines that were only on the faces of grownups are now on the faces of me and my friends. I know I don't know it all, and also realize I know even less than I thought I did. Love feels deeper, loss feels heavier. I'm compelled to express feelings of gratitude and affection I used to always keep to myself. Oh, is that who I am now?

I love that the Doctor's body didn't just go back to Ten's face, but to an aged version of Ten's face. A version that would align with the aged version of Donna's. I know this was not a creative choice, it was literally just what David and Catherine look like now, but how perfect for time itself to play a role in the story, too.

I love that the Doctor, at last, had to catch up with what his body was telling him. To notice his feelings and learn what those feelings meant. Like the title of one of my favorite (and extremely relevant to this this post) books says, the body keeps the score.

And I loved the bi-generation.

I loved that Fourteen made the choice to stop and ask his friends to help him do it.

I know that RTD proposed a theory that in that moment all the previous regenerations became bi-generations as well, but I like the idea that all the others could have bi-generated, but didn't. They weren't ready to look at themselves, or ask for that help from anyone. Not until now.

And I love love LOVE Ncuti Gatwa as Fifteen. I love that the healed next Doctor is a millennial. That he is a Doctor who can freely say he loved his friends, he loved Rose, can tell his former self, "I love you."

The show's become such a beautiful portrayal of generational trauma and healing that did not know that's what it was until its end.

And now, it begins again.

#i wrote this in a WORD DOCUMENT i made an OUTLINE #it took TWO DAYS to finish #hopefully the bees that have been in my head since i watched the 60th finale will now let me know peace #david tennant #catherine tate #ncuti gatwa #the star beast #wild blue yonder #the giggle #mental health #generational trauma #doctor who #doctor who spoilers #dw #dw spoilers #doctor who 60th anniversary

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breakthrough88 · 4 months

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Epithet Erased Sitcom AU: Blyndeff Family

Even though I came up with this AU with the Blyndeff family in mind I mostly talked about Ramsey and Percy and @sadsoftserve's ocs. It is time to rectify that. Calliope Blyndeff

Hooray, she's alive!

She's still friends with Howie to this day and they even have lunch together

She has attempted to get Howie and Martin to become friends. It hasn't worked.

Tries to avoid looking stressed in front of her daughters... she's not good at it.

She gets embarrassed when Martin acts lovey-dovey when others are watching

Her default move when her kids get in trouble? The "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" look.

Episode where she does yoga at the Sweet Jazz rec center to help relieve her stress. To her surprise a bunch of people try flirting with her.

Martin Blyndeff

It's still entirely possible he'd accidentally leave Molly somewhere but at least he'd apologize afterward

Goes to the PTA meetings instead of Calliope since she was banned after "The Incident"

Has "genius ditz" moments for the PTA

If prompted he'll do more around the house than just make toys. Results are inconsistent

He is unaware Howie barely tolerates his presence

An episode where he somehow accidentally takes Percy's shopping cart despite the fact it has HER BABIES IN IT

Molly Blyndeff

When Calliope gets stressed, Molly gets stressed. Normally Lorelai is the one to calm her down.

Became best friends with Trixie and Phoenica when the teacher put them at the same table when they were 10. Feenie and Trixie are still the only friends Molly has that are her age.

Running gag where she keeps overhearing people talking to themselves/private conversations

Has more appreciation for Lorelai's dream bubbles and will sometimes sneak in when she needs to unwind.

Owns an excessive amount of teddy bears.

An episode where against her better judgment she tries smuggling a lost baby bear back to the store.

Lorelai Blyndeff

A much better sister though she still has somewhat of a lazy streak. However, she is much more vulnerable to Molly's puppy dog eyes.

If someone is mean to Molly they will face Lorelai's wrath.

She enjoys taking Molly shopping

Part of her school's theater department has not only been in multiple plays but has also helped with the set design.

Is the dungeon master for Parker, Sabrina, Bonnie, and Sylvie's DnD campaign. Got the role when Parker wanted to play and Sabrina refused to let Sylvie DM. Lorelai overheard them talking about it and overeagerly offered her services. Uses her epithet to make the sessions super immersive.

An episode where Lorelai tries to come up with the perfect way to ask Giovanni to prom and she ends up overthinking it and panicking causing her epithet to go out of control

#epithet erased #lorelai blyndeff #prison of plastic #giovanni potage #molly blyndeff #percival king #sitcom au #Epithet Erased AU #Epithet Erased sitcom au #Calliope Blyndeff #Martin Blyndeff #Sylvester Ashling #sabrina ashling #Bonnie murdoch #Parker King #booker murdoch #Patrick Murdoch

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artdivadej · 4 months

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Survivor's Remorse (XVII)

Part one

Part 11+

Peeta

"Peeta look, I need you to understand something about your gal...and you need to keep an open mind", Haymitch sighed scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

"There's not much that would surprise me at this point"

"He says that now", Johanna snorts with a wicked grin.

"Shut it Johanna", Haymitch hisses, before turning back to Peeta "Good to know. But ummm. Shit", Haymitch fumbled.

"Haymitch is it some big secret or something I'm not supposed to know about?" Peeta asked looking back and forth between him and Johanna, knowing you regarded her as a sister and told her everything. "Is it why she's been avoiding me?"

"It's not that. It's just really personal and I thought...what with you two actually getting on the way you were, it wouldn't be a problem. I didn't think she'd be going through this anymore"

"Is it an episode? Is she alright?", Peeta asked quickly, his voice cracking with fear.

"Not...exactly? It's an episode of sorts. Do you remember her explaining about the splicing that Snow did to her?"

"Yeah. How are they related?"

"The way she asked you to bite her ass before, aint gonna be nothing compared to what she does to you this week", Johanna snickers.

"She can't help that this happens to her, ok boy?", Haymitch growled before pushing on, bringing his flask to his lips.

"Haymitch what's happening to her!", Peeta began to panic in his desperation, his voice rising.

"About twice a year, the feline DNA takes over. She goes through what Beetee calls 'heat'. Before, she'd have to sit in the house for a few weeks to just sweat it out and suffer through it alone. But now...since she's got you back", Haymitch begins, his lips twisting with distaste and discomfort.

"Hey I helped! I sent plenty of toys"

"Heat?", Peeta's brow raises with confusion, not quite understanding the meaning behind the simple word, or why you'd need toys from Johanna.

"Sex boy! Her body forces her into a concupiscent state where she has to copulate. Because she couldn't do it before, she just had to suffer through it. Try and get it out herself. But it's practically a breeding instinct that she can't control"

Peeta felt the blush start from his collar, before it flared up to his hairline. Oh. Johanna's wicked grin only deepened as she watched him realize what he'd be dealing with for the next couple of weeks.

"Now you're getting it boy", Haymitch sighed with exasperation as he took another swig.

"Is it bad?"

"She produces a pheromone that drives her and us wild. People can smell it within a 500-yard radius. It's why her home was sheltered off at the far end of the Victors Village. Its disorienting and raises the testosterone levels of anyone who gets a whiff. Even I can't get near her without affects and I don't find a damn thing about her womanly", he spat with revulsion.

"Hell, I do. I don't mind it. It's gonna make my sex life even hotter!", Johanna smirked.

"Which means?"

"You'll be out of the public eye for the next week or so. It may go faster since she has what she really wants. We'll all keep you both supplied with food and water, but I doubt sweetheart'll let you out that room until it's gone down some. Like I said before, she can't help it. You're all she's ever wanted and I'm sure the heat will only amplify that when she gets a whiff of you. I'm taking a room on the other side of the manor so I can't hear a damn thing I know will be coming out that room. You two are the worst at keeping quiet. And keep that damn window closed! Or else the whole of the damn Justice Hall will be able to smell you two!"

"I'm staying in the same hall. I plan on using you two to make this week pure debauchery with Onyx and Gale. They'll both be showering me in every slutty fantasy I've ever dreamed of. He and they are going to put their names all over this hot bod", Johanna grinned wickedly. "We thank you for your service"

Peeta felt like he would combust if they said another word but, he had one more question.

"Is there a way to stop it? Or at least dull the sense so she can function? I don't like the idea of her suffering"

"You'll be doing your part to stop that all week. In the meantime, here", Haymitch grumbled shoving a familiar thick red notebook into Peeta's hands. He'd seen you with this when you scurried away from him two days ago. "Aurelius wants you to write. As much as you can, when you can. Whether you're clear headed or not. About everything you feel, see and think. The same goes for her. Snow had her file destroyed so she'd have to find all the answers to the splicing that he did by herself. Beetee and Prim have been working hard these past few years to help figure it out. A lot that we've learned has been because of her impulses and responses to things, but this could really help answer a lot of those questions"

"I will"

"Get going. She's been suffering for two days already. Come get me when she's better", He grumbled turning on heel and stomping down the hall. "Say bye bye to that back boy!", he snarked before disappearing around the corner.

"Yeah she's definitely gonna shred your shit", Johanna giggled pushing Peeta towards the hall. "I filed and styled her nails 3 days ago so you shouldn't be too bad. You're welcome loverboy. Now get going. Nothing worse than needing to cum and you can't get your rocks off"

Peeta groaned but made his way towards the bedroom. The idea of being locked away with you for weeks on end, just drowning in your passion wasn't the problem. Everyone in the building knowing about it was. It felt like such an invasion of a world the two of you had always held so private and sacred. Peeta was glad the staff was minimal right now.

Excerpt from Survivor's Remorse ch 17. Heated

Now available on Wattpad

Maddink0318

#i love peeta #peeta smut #peeta mellark #peeta mellark smut #peeta mellark x reader #peeta my beloved #peeta x reader #thg peeta #the hunger games peeta #team peeta #survivors remorse #hunger games fanfiction #hunger games fanfic

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notyour-valentine · 2 years

Text

The Boy in the Window 4 ~ Tommy Shelby x Reader (Series)

Chapter Summary: (Y/N) tries to balance the situation with the challenges of day to day life in Small Heath, while Tommy comes to her in search for company.

Notes: Thank you so much for the feedback on the previous part. In this one we get to see a little bit more of Small Heath beyond the Peaky Blinders and a lot of Charlie and (Y/N)- I hope you enjoy! I do not consent to my work being translated, copied or posted elsewhere on this platform or any other.

Here, you can find my [Masterlist] and the [Series Masterlist]

Warning: Canon conforming mention of violence. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Expect spoilers for Peaky Blinders Season 1-4.

Wordcount: 4450

Part 4

[Previously]

With work, the household and Emma, she would never have considered the possibility of taking in another child unless absolutely necessary.

Well, Thomas Shelby hadn't exactly given her a choice in the matter, but he had given her means and money she couldn't dream of ever earning in that space of time. A part of her felt guilty for taking it, but he had insisted and it wasn't like she couldn't use it.

His money, which he had so carelessly dumped into her dressing gown pocket, would bring that magical, mythical "one day" a lot closer.

One day I will move out of Small Heath for good.

One day Emma will go to a decent school.

One day I might even take her on holiday.

And Charlie was an easy child- mostly.

(Y/N) could spend a day or two just watching and entertaining them, but she also had sewing and a household to run. And whatever activities she’d normally give Emma, Charlie didn’t always take to. And they certainly didn’t distract him enough, when she had to leave the room or go up or down the stairs when he and Emma were in a different place.

Once, she had dared to go outside to place some groceries there for the cold.

Upon her return, after less than ten minutes, she was met by her frustrated daughter and a boy who was absolutely beside himself. Tears and snot smeared on his face as he basically flung himself at her. He had buried his face in her skirt, the fabric muffling his loud sobs.

Little feet had stamped the floor as his hands reached for her again and again until she relented.

With a sigh, she had picked him up, legs and arms wrapping themselves around her as tightly as they possibly could, squeezing the air from her lungs.

"I thought you left. Don't leave! I don't want you to leave!", He had wailed into her shoulder with such volume, she feared the neighbours would soon start beating the walls.

"I don't know what his problem is.", Emma had huffed in disapproval as she resumed the game, that Charlie had become entirely uninterested. Even after his tears had been dried, he still refused to release her for the better part of two hours.

While she could understand - to a certain extent- since the boy had been left alone merely a few days ago in a place he had never been to before, it wasn’t the sort of behaviour that was easy to maintain for an extended period of time.

To avoid any further tearful and most importantly lengthy episodes like that, (Y/N) found herself announcing whenever she went upstairs or downstairs. These were regularly followed by hasty footsteps and irritated sighs from Emma, because they interrupted their games.

And Charlie was homesick.

Sometimes he’d wake up crying and lost for a moment and would refuse to go back to sleep without her either holding his hand or preferably all of him.

It was impossible to miss how he used any and every chance to be held, to hug her or lean into her.

At first, it had only been in moments when his emotions got the better of him, but as the days strung together, he got bolder, snuggling up to her during story time. First he'd lean into her arm, and when he realised that she didn't protest, he tried slipping under it, resting his head against her chest. Sometimes she’d wake in the middle of the night to find one (or on occasion two) bodies curled into hers.

From time to time, he'd ask for Frances and complain - well, not complain. But it became obvious very quickly that he was used to an entirely different lifestyle than the one she could provide

He asked for a different kind of jam and when she explained they only had one, he wanted to know why. When she had no time to play with them because she had to do the washing, he wanted to know why it was her doing it and not the maids and was confused when she explained that they had no maids.

Yet he enjoyed chasing Emma through the lines of hanging clothes all the same.

But the main problem was that he felt trapped. He kept talking about the trees and the river behind his home, about the horses and the swing in the garden.

And yet his father had been clear - they were to stay inside as much as possible and the small courtyard couldn’t compete with the vastness of the estate he called home.

His father.

Since Thomas Shelby had handed her his son, he had spent an hour at most in their company. He’d enter, exchange barely a handful of words with Charlie, drop some money on the table and go.

Nothing else. Sometimes he’d take some of the food which she always prepared more of than necessary. But beyond that, all she saw of him were the shadows behind the windows of the Watery Lane house.

This evening, however, he came late, knocking on the kitchen door.

Unlike last time, he was properly dressed, in a dark blue tailored three piece suit and a starched shirt, with silver cufflinks and a golden chain on his pocket watch.

The suit alone looked to be as expensive as all the clothing she owned put together. He had taken his cap off, leaving his hair slightly dishevelled, a stark contrast to his perfectly polished shoes which were entirely unfit for Small Heath.

“Charlie’s already asleep.”, she explained. “Do you want me to wake him?”

He shook his head as he sat down on the small sofa, his legs outstretched.

(Y/N) smoothed down the wrinkles of her apron. She had decided to do some cleaning she hadn’t gotten around to earlier. But in light of company, she decided to take it off, draping it over the chair.

“Would you like something to eat?”, she offered, if only to escape the piercing blue eyes. “I can heat you up the leftovers from dinner.”

He shook his head once more.

“I could make you some tea?”

Again - nothing but the shaking of his head.

“You got whisky?”, he finally asked.

“No.”, (Y/N) said.

“Thought so.", he nodded, "I brought me own. Got a glass?”

She hurried to fetch one from the cupboard, glad to have something else to do than crumble under his gaze.

“Only one?”, he asked as she put it down in front of him.

Swallowing hard, she stepped back, hiding her hands behind her back so that he wouldn’t see them shake.

“If you didn’t come for Charlie, and you didn’t come for food, why are you here, Mr. Shelby?”, she asked the tips of her shoes.

Thomas Shelby huffed softly as he poured himself a drink. The sofa creaked slightly as he let himself fall back into it.

“Not used to being all alone in a house.”, he said with a shrug. “So for company, I guess.”

With that he drank.

The only sound was her racing heart and the crackling of the fire that filled the room with warmth, but it was nothing compared to the burn of his gaze.

It was as if he was looking her up and down, body and soul and seeing things beyond those the eye could pierce.

“He’s a very good boy.”, she finally said.

“Your son, I mean.”

He only drank.

“But…”

That caught his attention and his eyes shot up.

“I fear he’s getting rather restless. He’s not used to a …house like this.”

“No, he’s fucking not.”, he scoffed, bitterness dripping off of every word.

Once more he brought the glass to his lips.

(Y/N) fell silent. She had tried, and she didn’t dare push further.

Shifting from foot to foot, she wondered what she might do now.

Somehow, she felt as if she had to ask him for permission to sit or make herself some tea, even if it was her house.

It is his city though.

“How did your husband die?”, he asked, making her eyes snap up.

(Y/N)’s mouth went dry.

“H-how-?”, she stammered.

He shrugged, as if he wasn’t really interested, but then he chose to elaborate.

“Last thing I heard of you, (Y/N) (L/N), you took a job away from the city. Then your brother said you got married. Now you’re back in the same city in the same house with a new child and a new ring. So you didn’t leave him and because you’ve still got his picture on the wall, he didn't leave you. You’re a widow.”

It hurt to try and swallow the lump in her throat.

“I-I am.”, she admitted with a nod, as her eyes began to burn. All of her began to burn, her eyes, her chest, her heart.

Now she had to sit, with or without his permission.

“How?”, he asked.

Her fingers coiled around the back of the chair, wrapping themselves around the old wood. It had endured so much, it would endure this too and see her through it.

“He worked as a forrester.”

Her voice was faint and sounded foreign to her, as she forced herself to speak.

Even at the best of times, it was hard for her to meet his eyes and now it was impossible.

“Three years after we got married, there was an accident.”, she continued, as her chest began to rise and fall rapidly.

“I…they say it was quick, but they never let me see his face.”

She would never forget his body lying there, with a dark cloth covering his face and his chest. She had tried, of course, to pull it away, but they had stopped her.

Their calloused hands had been hard and unyielding as they restrained her, coarse from all the work in the woods- and so like her husband's.

“You don’t want to remember him like that, love.”

Now all she remembered was the dark cloth and the unseen horrors it had contained.

“He was a good man. Better than I could have hoped for.”, she said, wiping under her eyes before the tears could hit her cheeks. “And a wonderful father.”

That was what finally broke her voice, so she just shook her head and turned away, trying not to lose it completely.

“So your husband’s dead. And your parents are dead. I know your brother’s dead. What about Edith?”

Her silence was answer enough.

“So just you and the girl?”

(Y/N) nodded.

“Fucking hell.”, he muttered under his breath and finished his drink - only to pour himself another.

“How do you do it?”, he asked, almost gently. “All on your own?”

That startled her, and even after thinking for a while, she couldn’t think of anything more than: “I try. What else can I do?”

He did not respond. Instead, he only drank and stared at her.

“(Y/N) (L/N).”

“Hale.”, she corrected him. “My name is Hale.”

Slowly, he shook his head.

“Never knew you as (Y/N) Hale.”

“Well I am that now.”

“Not to me you’re not.”

He hadn’t said it unkindly, but it still stung. And maybe that was what made her braver.

“You said we were to stay inside the house, but I can’t see why we can’t go for a walk or to the church green. It’s not your country palace, but better for children than the courtyard. I also need to buy groceries soon."

His only response - familiar by now - was to drink.

But then to her surprise, he sighed.

“I was married too. She died.”

He said it as if it was news and not a well known fact to anyone and everyone.

They knew. All of Birmingham knew.

There was simply too much funny business about the whole situation for people not to talk.

“She got shot.”

If it meant anything to him, he hid it well. In his voice at least, but there was something in his eyes as he searched for her reaction.

(Y/N) waited.

“Took a bullet for me.”

As cruel as it sounded, this elaboration did not come unexpected, even if there had been theories that she had been shot for being a pro King paddy and traitor. She wouldn’t have been the first.

“So we found and killed the man who ordered it. And his son. Took his businesses and cleaned them out. Every last one.”

The hairs on the back of her neck stood, but not only at his words, but at how casually and unaffected he said them.

“And now another son came from America,”, he continued, “Fifteen fucking Sicilian mafiosos to kill us all.”

Her eyes shot up to the ceiling at once, to where the children were sleeping as she remembered the whispers.

“But-but the Mafia, they kill children too.”

An unknown fury bubbled up inside of her. The mere thought of causing harm to a child, let alone at will and out of malice was beyond her and unlocked parts of her rage so dark that she should be ashamed. But she wasn't- not in this.

Then a second, darker realisation took hold of her.

If they killed children, would they come for Charlie? And thereby for me and for Emma? We have nothing to do with this! Emma-

“And now they’ve killed John.”

“What about his children?”, she demanded to know. The eldest couldn’t be more than twelve at most. A boy, nothing more.

But Tommy Shelby didn’t even seem to hear her.

“Shot him down right in front of his house.”

“And his family?”, (Y/N) asked, louder this time. "They would have been there- what about them?"

His head snapped around, icy eyes met hers and digging into her soul.

“What about his children, Mr. Shelby?”, she repeated, as her eyes began to water. Her knuckles had long turned white.

“Nothing.”, he said. “They shot him and shot Michael and left.”

The relief nearly knocked her off of her feet and she had to pace up and down in an attempt to walk it off, although she wasn’t doing a very good job.

The Mafia.

“I made a deal today.”, Tommy Shelby said from behind her, making her turn.

(Y/N) was no longer able to follow.

“No civilians. No children.”

“Oh.”, she whispered, glancing up once more. He had said it with a tone that implied she ought to know what it meant, but she had long lost the ability to follow.

“That’s why I need you.”, he said. “Ada’s on the list. Polly’s on the list. You’re not. As long as he’s here, he won’t be caught in any crossfire.”

“But what about you?”, she asked.

He stretched his hands out and shrugged.

“I guess we’ll have to see, eh?”, he asked. “If I live, I’ll live.”

By his tone, he didn’t seem to care much.

“And if you don’t?”, she asked.

With a scoff, he twirled the whisky in the borrowed glass.

“Then Charlie will be a very rich boy.”

They were announced by the chime of the little bell as Emma pushed the door open with both her hands.

"Hello Mrs. Davies!", She called.

The woman's round face lit up as she recognised the little girl in the brown coat.

"My, my, if it isn't little Miss Hale!", She greeted.

Emma giggled as she ran up to the counter, list in hand.

"This is what we need.", She explained as she handed over the piece of paper, standing on her tiptoes to reach over the counter.

Charlie stayed back, his hand clutching hers tightly.

He hadn't let go since they had stepped out of the door, pressing himself so close to her that (Y/N) had trouble walking. With his other hand, he held onto the flap of her coat for good measure.

"Good morning Mrs. Davies.", she greeted, as she followed Emma's steps.

The woman readjusted her glasses as if she wasn't sure what she was seeing.

"Who've you got there, Mrs. Hale?", She wanted to know, as her brows furrowed.

"That's Charlie.", Emma explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "He lives with us now."

The old woman's eyes narrowed in confusion. "He does?", She asked curiously.

"For the time being."

Feeling her piercing gaze, Charlie hid behind her, still holding into her hand and burying his face into the thick fabric of her coat, which was at least twice as old as he was.

Perhaps it wasn't the worst idea- while he only had his father's eyes, he looked just like uncles had at that age. And Mrs. Davies was old enough to remember that.

"How come?", She asked almost casually, as she began to collect the items on the list. They were more and more of them than usual.

"If I told you,", (Y/N) said, stroking her gloved thumb over Charlie's hand, "you wouldn't believe me."

That deepened the other woman's frown, but she also realised that she wouldn't get more from her than that.

She called her assistant, a girl of sixteen over and handed her the list. That gave her the time to lean over the counter.

"Did you hear, the Shelbys are back!", She whispered, probably the way she had done to every customer.

"Back in Watery Lane, the whole lot of them!"

(Y/N) nodded.

Charlie's head peaked forward from behind her at the mention of his family's name.

"I noticed."

"All of them-", Mrs. Davies said. "Arthur, Polly Gray- even the Shelby girl. The one that married Red Freddie and moved away, remember? But he died years ago."

(Y/N) nodded.

"I remember."

"They say even Tommy Shelby himself's back. Can you believe it?"

More than most, probably.

"Some say it's because of the strikes, that the Blinders are back to crush it before it gets out of hand, but others say it's more. Perhaps it's true- after all John's dead! Dorothea Clark saw Polly Gray light a candle for him. Now I know you shouldn't speak ill of the dead, but you'd think it's hot enough anyway where he is now."

(Y/N) felt her muscles tense at that, and not just because it was unseemly to talk like that, let alone in the presence of children. But the thought of John in hell made her angrier than she had any right to be. She didn't think of the man he had become, but the boy he had been, both the good and the bad.

And she hoped, prayed even, that despite everything, he wasn't in hell.

"Don't you live close to Watery Lane?"

As if she didn't know where everyone and anyone lived.

(Y/N) nodded.

"Then God bless you- so close the lion's den, and with children to take care of."

Oh I'm in the lion's den alright, she thought as she took the wrapped up groceries.

But the lions had been given their marching orders.

The Peaky Blinders had men at every street corner, watching. And across from her front door as well, watching day and night and guarding more than the street. Occasionally, they stopped people to search them. While they got quesitoning looks, no one dared protest.

(Y/N) hadn't been stopped. Instead, one of the Peaky Blinders at the corner, Jeremiah's son, had leaned over and whispered something into the ear of the other boy, who had nodded.

As they stepped out of the shop, and made their way back, more than one pair of eyes followed her, well not her, but the precious cargo she guarded.

(Y/N) just hoped that the other people wouldn't notice.

Charlie tugged at her hand and she looked down.

"Where are all the trees?", He wanted to know.

"There aren't any trees here.", Emma said, skipping ahead on one leg.

"Why not?", Charlie asked.

"Because there isn't any room- not with all the houses.", She told him.

"I don't like it.", He said, wrinkling his nose. "They should have less houses and more trees."

If only it were that easy.

"There's trees down by the canal.", Emma said. "Mummy, can we go?"

(Y/N) shook her head.

"I've got the groceries to carry.", She said.

But that wasn't the reason.

Everyone knew that the canals were Shelby territory, and by now probably heavily controlled, as they were another way in and out of the city.

Guns and men to make things safer.

No gun in history could ever make (Y/N) feel safer, unless in its absence.

She didn't know what would await them there and she wasn't keen on finding out with two children by her side.

Instead, she decided to take them to the church green the next day. Emma immediately saw her friends and started running, joining in their games with an ease (Y/N) had never possessed at that age.

"Don't you want to play with the other children?", She asked Charlie. "I'm sure Emma will introduce you."

His hand tightened around hers.

"Can't I stay with you?", He asked.

With Emma it had always been the opposite. Like a magnet, she attracted other children and stuck to them with equal determination. Getting her to leave was the hard part.

Charlie seemed more than content to stay at her side when she sat down on the bench. He snuggled into and reached over to hold onto the fabric of her coat on the other side, obliterating any chances she might have had of reading today's paper.

The children had begun to play a skipping game, chanting and giggling all the while, but it didn't seem all too tempting to Charlie.

Instead, he had begun to stroke her knee gently, before he finally gathered the courage to tug at her coat to get her attention.

"Can I…", he tried cautiously. "Can I sit on your lap again?"

She had sat him down there only when he had cried and her arms had gotten too tired to carry him, but she hadn't missed the way his eyes followed Emma whenever she climbed into her lap unprompted or jumped into her arms without even the slightest hint of hesitation.

"You can.", She agreed.

He climbed onto her legs at once, but instead of watching the other children, he sat so that he could face her.

"Can you sing me a song?", He asked, as he ran his thumbs down the folded collar of her coat.

"Not here, Charlie.", She said gently.

"A story?", He asked. "The one with the talking horse but…can you make it so the horse doesn't die?"

Charlie had sobbed bitter tears, when in the fairy tale the hore was executed by the false princess, and it had taken three songs to sooth him.

"Please!", he asked.

And so she did, but instead of killing the horse like in the original story, the false Princess had him locked up in the guard tower. That way the horse would still talk to the real Princess and reveal her identity, and was even alive to carry her and the Prince into a golden future.

Charlie sighed in relief, as if her one retelling corrected all the previous ones. Maybe in his mind it did.

"And?", She asked Charlie, as the story came to a close.

"They lived happily ever after.", He said, beaming from ear to ear, just like (Y/N) was. His smile was beyond infectious, any child's was.

Grinning, she tapped the tip of his nose.

"So it is true?"

She heard a voice from the side and turned. There she saw three other women awaiting her.

"When Mrs. Davies told me, I couldn't believe it.", Mrs. Sloan said. She was a tall thin woman with a tall thin face, and long, thin fingers who always clutched her purse so tightly, it turned her knuckles white.

"After all, where would you get another child from?"

Feeling their eyes, Charlie buried his face in her chest. Her hand found the back of his head, shielding him further from their view.

"He doesn't look like you at all.", Mrs. Laddler remarked. She lived close to the Sloans and one rarely saw one without the other.

At her words, Charlie turned his head the other way so that they'd be left with nothing but a view of his blond hair and the back of his cap.

"But that's to be expected, Ethel,", the third and final member of their trium, remarked.

"We all knew he couldn't be family.", Mrs. Jackson argued, pouting with her extraordinarily thin lips.

"After all, you don't have much family left, do you?"

"I don't.", (Y/N) said, not bothering to hide her fire she felt running through her veins. And they too felt the sting.

"She only meant…", Mrs. Laddler jumped in, only to be cut off by Mrs. Sloan.

"We were just wondering where you got him from."

As if he was a lost puppy or a trinket.

But (Y/N) also knew she wouldn't get rid of them that easily. So she locked away her anger for now.

"He's the son of…of an old friend."

It wasn't the truth, but not too far away to be considered a lie. They hadn't been friends, but her brother had been friends with John, and they had known each other for ages, so the old part was true.

"Ah?", Mrs. Jackson asked. "How come he's with you?"

"Because his father has some business to attend to."

It wasn't the bone they had hoped for, so they began to sniff again.

She had half a mind to tell them, just for the enjoyment of seeing the shock on their faces, but (Y/N) bit her tongue. It would only cause her, and Emma, trouble.

"We don't know him, do we?", She asked.

"No, I'm afraid, you don't.", (Y/N) said.

They knew of him of course, like every single person in this city, but sometimes she wasn't sure if even his family could claim to know him.

(Y/N) was glad to see the back of them and sighed.

"Was Dad really your friend?", Charlie asked, his head still resting against her shoulder.

No, would be the short answer, but she couldn't say that to the boy.

"When we were little, he lived on the other side of the courtyard. And his brother and my big brother were friends, so we saw each other a lot."

Charlie pulled back to look at her.

"But you're friends now? That's why I can stay with you?"

She stroked a strand of hair out of his face and hummed. Anything else would have been a lie.

End of Part 4

Thank you for reading! I’d be very grateful for feedback of any kind! If you are interested in more, here is my [Masterlist].

[Here you can find Part 5]

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#Peaky Blinders #Tommy Shelby #Thomas Shelby #Thomas Shelby x reader #Tommy Shelby x reader #Tommy Shelby Imagine #Thomas Shelby Imagine #The Boy in the Window #valentineswritings

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mandos-mind-trick · 1 year

Text

Here’s To The Future - Part 3: Cornered

Summary: The war’s over. That should be cause for celebration, except the wrong side won. Things begin to change quickly, and it doesn’t take long for Midnight to realize something’s not right among the clone army. She should be glad the war is over, but the threat of her losing her boys is all too real. She did swear she would do everything she could to keep them from being separated when the war ended.

She’s not going to give up on that promise. Even if it kills her.

Pairing: The Bad Batch x reader (no clonecest)

Warnings: NSFW, Lots of emotions, arguing, Hunter is a little bit of a dick, some rehashing of CW pain, badly written smut

A/N: May the 4th be with you! Here's the much anticipated update. I combined Episodes 3 and 4 for this one, since I wanted to focus more on Midinght and less on following the plot of the show. Stuff still happens, but significantly less action than the previous two chapters. Lots of feelings, lots of angst.My Hunter girlies, I did promise.

Also I am still looking for a beta reader for this one, so if you’re interested…

< Previous | Next > | SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

She can feel him.

Arms snake around her, a firm chest presses against her back. His nose presses into her hair, inhaling deeply. She can feel the thump of his heart, long fingers lacing with hers. The musky smell of him, mixed with blaster residue and plastoid. He’s warm, he’s real.

There’s a hand on her but it’s not his.

She’s clutching his pillow, face half buried in it. Tears are streaming, wetting the pillow.

“Hey.” A quiet voice whispers, the hand shaking her.

She turns on her back, blinking through the tears. She can’t see clearly, but she doesn’t need to.

“Come on.” He motions with his head, stepping back from the bunk.

Midnight sniffles, wiping her face. The dream had felt so real. For a moment she thought he really was here. He really had crawled into the bunk and held her like he had so many times before. It had only been a dream, though. He was still gone. He was still missing.

Midnight crawls out of the bunk, dropping down quietly. Tech’s bunk is still empty, but Wrecker and Hunter’s are occupied. She follows Echo to the hull, watching as he kneels down, pulling a panel off the wall.

It’s quiet for a few moments, Midnight watching him fiddle with some wiring. She shifts on her feet, unsure if she should be helping, or if he’ll ask her to. It wasn’t unusual for Tech to drag her somewhere and expect her to jump in and help him without direction. Echo was usually more straightforward.

“Back when I was a reg, I was really close to one of my batch mates.” He starts talking, his back still to her. “Fives, we called him, because his designation number was all fives. We were assigned to the Domino Squad during our training. We wound up being the only two of the Domino Squad to survive and we were placed in the 501st.”

Midnight sinks down onto the floor, pulling her knees to her chest. She’d heard about his early days, how he’d come to join the 501st before, but he had never mentioned anyone specific besides Captain Rex. She knew what happened to him to an extent, but he avoided talking about his time before Skako Minor in detail, unless something specific came up. She knows he’d rather move on from it, he’d rather not remember.

“I never asked Rex when he died, or how.” He shakes his head, sitting up on his knees. “I know he’s gone because if he were still alive, he wouldn’t have given up either. He would have been right beside Rex, doing everything he could to rescue me.” He places the panel back in place, keeping his back turned to her. “I know it’s not the same. I can’t even begin to understand what it feels like. We’re taught from a young age any of us could die at any moment. That doesn't mean we don’t feel it, but we bury it because we have to keep fighting.”

Tears burn Midnight’s eyes once more, her grip tightening around her legs as she tries hard not to cry again. “It hurts.” She sniffles. “It hurts so much.”

“I know.” He turns to face her, a sad look in his eyes. “Hunter told us what happened, what Suu told him. I know you want to do this alone. I don’t blame you. None of us are really good at this.”

“I’ve always had to do it alone.” Midnight laughs, more at herself than anything else. “We’re not that different, you know. I never got to mourn anyone. My mom disappeared when I was ten years old. I couldn’t do anything but miss her sometimes because I had to take care of myself. So many friends either left or just disappeared and you never blink twice at it because that’s just the way things are. That’s just...life.” She sobs quietly, fresh tears falling. “This hurts so much worse.”

“Because Crosshair didn’t just disappear.” Echo says, taking her hand in his. “He betrayed you. He betrayed all of us.”

“Does it ever go away?” She whispers, clutching onto his hand tightly.

“No.” He says. “Not entirely. You just...begin to feel it less and less often.”

She wipes her tears, a futile action since more just keep falling. “I wish I had done something sooner.”

“You couldn’t have known.” Echo says, pulling her to her feet. “None of us could have known. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Don’t beat the others up either. They’re trying their best.”

Echo does have a point. It’s not just her that’s lost Crosshair. On top of everything else that’s happened, she’s not helping any.

“Come on.” Echo takes her hand, leading her towards the door. “If you want to sleep more, you can use my bunk. I’ll be working on repairs for a while.”

“Can I...do anything to help?” She asks.

He shakes his head. “No offense, but I don’t think you’d be much help.”

Midnight shrugs. “I can fit into small places.”

“You’re not the only one that can.” Echo gives her a grin. “I’d rather have you resting.”

Right. Omega. She hadn’t spent much time with the kid. Kids aren’t really her thing. She avoided them as much as possible on Coruscant, since she knew most of them would beat her up for spare change or something to eat. She feels a little guilty for basically ignoring the kid. Maybe she should spend some time with Omega. For female solidarity or something like that.

Midnight takes Echo’s offer, slipping into his bunk. She doesn’t sleep, instead she lays awake, staring at the top of the bunk. Echo did have a point. It wasn’t like they weren’t trying to help her. She knows Hunter was only trying to help her, offering her an option if she wanted it.

She probably shouldn’t have gotten so upset about it. The thought of leaving them, even if it was safer for her, hadn’t even crossed her mind. She’d rather face danger head on with them than leave them behind. Even if Crosshair is gone, she can’t fathom the thought of losing the rest of them.

She’s not sure how long she’s laid there when the privacy curtain is pulled back, Hunter leaning down with a box of rations in his hands. “Food time.” He says, holding it out to her.

Midnight doesn’t feel hungry, but she knows she should probably eat. They were running low and safe places to stop were going to get harder and harder to find. She takes a bar, swinging her legs over the side of the bunk. “Thanks.”

“Are you...alright?” Hunter asks, eyeing her hunched over position.

He’s not asking if she’s wholly okay. He wants to know if she’s physically hurt. Is she okay? No. Is she injured? No.

“Yeah.” She nods, trying to smile but she’s sure it looks more like a grimace. “Not my first firefight, remember?”

He nods, looking down. “Right.”

He turns, looking like he wants to move away but she stands, calling out to him. “Hunter?”

He turns to face her and she gets lost in his eyes for a moment. She had gotten used to seeing the stern face of her Sergeant recently, and had missed the softness he used to look at her with when they weren’t in a fight or running for their lives.

“I-”

She’s cut off as the ship violently jerks, nearly throwing her from her feet. She manages to catch herself on the edge of the bunk, keeping her feet under her. Hunter runs for the cockpit, and she follows, barely able to keep her feet as the ship continues to violently shake.

“Getting thrown out of hyperspace. I’d say that’s pretty critical, Tech.” Hunter says, bracing himself on the back of the pilot’s seat.

They were no longer in hyperspace, instead plummeting straight towards a moon.

“It’s not affecting life support. We’re fine.” Tech says, like they’re not about to crash land on some moon they’ve never even heard of.

“Are you kidding me?” Hunter asks in disbelief.

“The power capacitor’s blown. We need to land immediately.” Echo says from the copilot’s seat.

“Strap in!” Hunter yells, moving to the seat behind the copilot.

Midnight takes the seat behind Tech, holding on for dear life. They plummet through the thick clouds of the moon’s atmosphere, alarms blaring from the ship. Midnight trusts Tech’s flying abilities, but while crashing? The gonk droid slides up into the cockpit, many loose items clanging around in the back as they continue to nosedive towards the surface of the moon.

Tech pulls up on the controls, managing to flatten out the Marauder before it slams into the moon’s surface, sliding to a stop. Midnight lets out the breath she was holding, hands still clutching the seat tightly.

Hunter rises to his feet, helping the gonk droid up before looking in the back. “Everybody all right?” He puts a hand on her shoulder and she nods, still holding onto the seat.

Is she really okay?

No.

Definitely not now.

***

Midnight stacks empty crates back in their place, working with Wrecker and Omega to put everything back where it belongs. The mess wasn’t as bad as she had thought it might be, or at least what it had sounded like.

Despite the mess, it’s probably the cleanest the ship has been in a long time. Probably since it came off the line.

“I suspect one of our capacitors sustained damage during our firefight with the regs.” Tech says. “We won’t be able to take off without replacing it. Inventory analysis indicates we have one spare onboard.”

“Is it in here?” Omega asks, moving a crate.

They all turn to look at her, Midnight’s stomach twisting painfully. They’re all quiet, all of them thinking the same thing.

“What?” Omega asks as they continue to stare at her.

“That’s Crosshair’s weapon kit.” Hunter explains slowly.

Wrecker groans. “Fine. I’ll say it. I kinda miss him.”

“He shot you, remember?” Echo says.

“Ha! I sure do. That hurt!” Wrecker says, moving his once injured shoulder.

“It’s worth noting the possibility that Crosshair’s actions were influenced by his inhibitor chip.” Tech says.

“It can do that?” Echo asks.

“That’s what it was designed to do.” Omega says.

“So, it wasn’t Crosshair’s fault?” Wrecker asks.

“Well,” Tech goes to start but Hunter cuts him off.

“Look, debating this won’t fix the ship. Right now we need to find that capacitor and get off this rock.” Hunter says, walking towards the cockpit.

Midnight stays still, thinking over Tech’s words. She knows Crosshair. As much as he was an asshole, betraying his squad? Shooting two of them? He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t betray them like that.

Not willingly.

***

Midnight swivels the chair back and forth, staring at the screen. She’s not really sure what she’s looking at, but it was better than looking at nothing.

“Are you...alright?” Hunter asks, coming to stand next to her.

“I won’t be if you keep asking me that.” She snaps, but immediately deflates. “Sorry.” She shakes her head. “Nothing ever goes our way, does it?” She scoffs. “My mom would say ‘the universe is just giving us all the bad now so it can save up all the good for later.’”

“She sounds like she was a prolific woman.”

Midnight snorts. “She was drunk. Drunk and desperate. I used to think maybe she found a way out, she made herself a better life somewhere. I know that’s not true. Not with the kind of people she spent time with.”

Hunter puts a hand on her shoulder squeezing gently. It’s a comforting touch, something she hadn’t realized she was missing.

Their moment is disturbed as Wrecker walks by, groaning in pain.

“What’s wrong with you?” Hunter asks, turning to face him.

“I must’ve hit my head in the crash.” He groans, holding the side of his head.

Tech and Echo reenter the ship, joining them in the hull.

“The capacitor’s in place, but other systems are now failing.” Tech says.

“Something’s causing damage to the exterior hull.” Echo says.

“You wanna narrow that down?” Hunter asks, turning to them.

The ship goes dark, whirring as the entire thing shuts down. The sound of thudding from the top of the ship is loud in the silence, all of them looking up as something makes its way across the top of the ship.

They all rush to the cockpit as something moves across the viewport out of sight. Omega calls out, being the only one who saw it.

“What? What is it?” Wrecker asks, Omega standing on the copilot’s seat.

“Some kind of creature, about this big,” She holds her arms out to show how big it was. “With a long tail. It ran off with the part.”

Echo hits a couple buttons, pulling up the ship's schematic. “She’s right. The capacitor’s gone. And that was our last one.”

“The creature is most likely an Ordo Moon Dragon. A species that feeds on raw energy.” Tech says. “It was probably drawn to the capacitor’s electric charge.”

“Well, that would have been good to know beforehand, Tech.” Echo says.

“You two get those other systems online.” Hunter says. “Wrecker, stay here. I’ll go after the dragon and get our part back.”

“I’m fine. I-” Wrecker tries to argue, still groaning in pain.

“You’re staying.” Hunter commands.

“I’ll go with you.” Omega says excitedly.

“No, that thing could be dangerous.” Hunter says.

“I’m part of this squad now too, right?”

Hunter turns to look at her, casting a glance at Tech and Echo who have also turned to look at her. Echo shrugs, knowing the final decision was up to Hunter.

“All right, kid.” Hunter says. “Just stay close.”

Omega puts on her oxygen mask, running happily towards the ramp.

“What about me?” Midnight asks, noticing Hunter had skipped over her entirely.

Hunter turns to look at her, furrowing his brow like he had forgotten her existence entirely. It hurts a little. “You stay here.”

“But-”

“Keep an eye on Wrecker, and help Tech if he needs it.”

Midnight bites her tongue as Hunter exits the ship, nearly drawing blood. Of course he’d sideline her. She’s not exactly in the most stable mindset, and it could possibly be dangerous. Yet, he’s willing to take a kid with him.

Midnight fights the urge to punch the wall. Wrecker was already hurting. They didn’t need her to be hurt too.

***

Midnight peeks out of the bunk as Tech and Echo pass by. All of them had headed towards the back of the ship, Omega included. She climbs down from the bunk, following curiously.

Omega is sitting up in the gunport which has been decked out and lit up. So that’s what Wrecker had been doing back there this whole time.

“I’ve never had my own room before.” Omega says, plopping down with Lula in her arms.

“Well, you’re a part of this squad now too.” Hunter says.

Midnight smiles softly, leaning up against the wall.

“That’s really sweet of you, Wrecker.” She says as the giant clone passes her.

“Aww, it was nothing.” He says bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck. “This way she has her own room and you can have yours back.”

Midnight nods, her smile faltering just a little. “Right.” She knows she’s not ready to leave Crosshair’s bunk yet. Not while it still smells like him.

She shrieks as Wrecker lifts her off her feet suddenly, carrying her towards the bunks. “Wrecker! What are you doing?”

“Well, I just thought since Omega has Lula now, I need something to cuddle at night.” He pauses right beside his bunk.

“Oh, Wrecker.” Midnight shakes her head, wrapping her arms around his neck. “You sweet, sweet man.”

Wrecker climbs into his bunk, still holding onto her. She lays across his chest, not exactly the most comfortable with his armor, but the feeling of his arms around her, the warmth of him makes up for it. She hadn’t realized how much she missed it.

It wasn’t exactly like they’d had time for it. Between escaping Kamino and barely escaping Saleucami, and then crash landing on a deserted moon, they hadn’t really had time to do much else. And now with Omega on board, the entire dynamic had to change.

She hadn’t exactly been in the mood for a cuddle lately either.

Now, though, being held secure against Wrecker’s chest, being moved with every breath he takes makes her realize how much she’s missed it. How much she still yearned for their touch, even if it’s something simple.

She drifts off to sleep easily, sleeping soundly for the first time in a while.

***

Midnight rifles through her belongings, cataloging what she still has. It’s mostly clothes, GAR issued uniforms and the few civvies she had brought with her, the small crate of bathroom necessities, and her armor.

She rifles to the bottom of her underwear drawer, pulling out the hinged box. The top doesn’t close all the way anymore, some of the contents threatening to spill out.

It’s her most prized possession.

She’s been saving credits in it since before she joined the GAR. It’s a lot, more than she’s ever seen in her entire life. Most of it came from her GAR paycheck. She had made meager credits in her job on Coruscant, the box mostly going near empty, or entirely empty a few times. Now it’s almost overflowing.

She had started saving for her new life after the war. If she survived, she was going to buy a plot of land on some remote planet and live her life happily in a wide open space. Of course, her relationship with the boys had changed those plans a bit, but the desire to move to a remote planet hadn’t lessened. The only difference was she wouldn’t be living there alone.

She has more than enough. She knows that. She could easily buy them enough supplies to get to some remote, deserted planet.

She gets up, packing a few credits in a pouch before leaving her room. Hunter has changed into the clothes Cut had given him. Midnight forgets how good he looks in civvies. She glances at Echo who is dressed in...something.

“What are you supposed to be?” She asks, looking over Echo.

“He’s a droid!” Omega says excitedly. “It’s his disguise.”

“Right.” She nods slowly.

“We can’t draw too much attention to ourselves.” Hunter explains. “The less we stick out, the better.”

Midnight glances at the red bandana and skull tattoo. “Uh huh. Here,” She hands him the pouch of credits. “I want you to have this.”

He stares down at her hand for a few moments before pushing it back. “No. You should keep that.”

Midnight frowns. “I have a lot more than this. I want to contribute something, since you’re buying supplies for all of us.”

“We have to figure out a way to get credits anyway.” Hunter says. “Keep yours for emergencies.”

“Does this not qualify as an emergency?” She asks, following him as he moves towards the back of the ship. “We literally have no food.”

“We can figure it out.” He says, opening a crate.

“But you don’t have to!” She says, getting frustrated. “You want to do this quickly, you can skip an entire step this way! This isn’t the time for some chivalry bullshit! Have you stopped to think maybe I’m your expert in living like this? Constantly watching your back, laying low, staying hidden, that’s how I lived my entire life! You only know how to be a soldier! Guess what, you aren’t anymore! Let me help!”

“We don’t need your help!” He snaps, slamming his hands on top of the crate. Midnight flinches, not having seen him this angry before. “Your head is not in the right place right now. You’ll be a danger to all of us. I’m not putting our lives at risk. Stay here. Fix your attitude. We’ll be back.” He turns, making his way towards the ramp.

Midnight seethes, watching him go before she steps into her room, wishing she could slam the door.

***

Midnight sits in the cockpit, staring out the viewport. She can hear Tech and Wrecker thumping around outside. She could go and offer to help, but she’s not sure she could do much. She’d likely just be in the way. She’s not an engineer or even a mechanic. Hell, she’s not even capable of taking care of children. Maybe Hunter is right. Maybe she is a burden.

The comm blinks, Hunter’s voice coming through. “Wrecker, Tech, Echo. I lost Omega. Somebody attacked us.”

“Somebody who?” Wrecker asks.

“A woman. Highly trained. She’s after the kid.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” Wrecker says.

Midnight jumps up, heading back to her room. Maybe this is her chance to prove to Hunter she’s not a liability. That her head really is in the right place despite everything. She quickly changes into her armor, tugging it on.

She goes to leave the ship but Tech grabs her arm, stopping her. “Where are you going?”

“To help find Omega.” She says, trying to pull out of his grip, but he’s too strong.

“No. You need to stay here.” He says, using his grip on her to pull her closer.

“I’m going to help.” She says defiantly, digging in her heels.

“Hunter’s right, you know.” He says, not loosening his grip any. “Your head is not in the right place. You’re only a risk right now, and the last thing we need is you lost in the city too.”

Midnight knows he’s right. She has no clue where they are, much less how to help. She refuses to stand down though, hating that two of them now have told her she’s too unstable to do anything.

Tech’s face hardens a bit. “Don’t make me tie you up.”

***

“This is dehumanizing.” Midnight says, kicking the back of the pilot’s seat.

“What happened to you?” Wrecker asks, sinking into the seat beside her.

“She was intent on leaving the ship.” Tech says. “Restraints were necessary to prevent that from happening.”

She’s not even sure where he got the rope from, or why he had it, but he had successfully tied her to a chair in the cockpit. It hadn’t been much of a fight since he was much stronger than her, and apparently was well versed in tying people up.

“Yeah, well, it’s over now, so can you untie me?” She kicks the back of Tech’s seat once again, Omega giggling.

Wrecker turns her seat, undoing the rope in a couple easy tugs. It hadn’t been tight, but Midnight stretches her arms anyway.

“That woman. She has to be a bounty hunter.” Hunter says, joining them.

“A what?” Omega asks.

“Someone hired to retrieve targets.” Echo says.

“And you appear to be the target.” Tech says, spinning around so they’re all facing each other.

“Me?” Omega asks, sounding frightened at Tech’s words.

“Hey, don’t scare the kid.” Wrecker says.

“We have to find out who she is and who hired her.” Hunter says.

Midnight sighs. There goes their shot at laying low on some planet. Bounty hunters always find ways of locating targets. Even the best hidden ones. “It can never be easy, can it?”

“No.” Wrecker grumbles. “I’m starting to get hungry.”

“You’re always hungry.” Tech says.

“But this is worse. We don’t even have any food!”

****

Midnight isn’t exactly thrilled to be sitting in a closet. She’s seated on a crate, leaning back against the far wall. She’s been here for probably two minutes, but it feels like a lifetime. She had so much more she could be doing, like sleeping or flipping through the computer, or crying.

She looks up as the door opens, Hunter standing in the doorway. From where she’s sitting he looks like an imposing figure, his broad shoulders taking up the entire doorway. His brow furrows as he looks down at her, turning to look back over his shoulder.

“I thought you said-”

He’s cut off as something hits him from behind, forcing him into the closet. Midnight barely has time to move as he hits the wall behind her, catching himself. Before he can recover, the door slides shut, closing them both inside.

Hunter hits the button to open it, but the door stays shut. “Tech!” He yells, banging on the door. “Open this door.”

“Sorry, Hunter.” Tech’s voice sounds from the other side. “It seems to be jammed.”

“Tech,” Hunter says, a warning in his voice.

“It’s for your own good.” Echo’s voice sounds. “You both need to talk.”

“Tech you liar!” Midnight yells, slipping under Hunter’s arm so she’s closer to the door.

“My apologies,” Tech says, not sounding sorry at all. “It’s the best way to ensure the two of you talk through your problems.”

“I’m gonna kill you.” Midnight threatens.

“Worry about that later.” Tech says, before leaving them alone.

Midnight moves back to the crate she was sitting on, plopping back down.

“I take it you didn’t know about this?” Hunter says, leaning against the wall next to the door. The closet is small enough she could touch his feet with hers if she stretched them out.

Midnight shakes her head. “Tech said he needed my help in here. I thought maybe this would have a more satisfying ending.” She leans back against the wall, crossing her arms.

“He told me he needed me to take a look at something. I should have known something was up.” Hunter shakes his head, crossing his arms.

Midnight chews her lip, tucking her legs closer. “They are right. We can’t keep fighting each other.”

“It’s too dangerous for all of us.” Hunter moves to sit on the crate next to her. “I know this hasn’t been easy on you, and I haven’t been easy on you either. Cut was right. Omega’s not a soldier, and neither are you.”

Midnight looks up at him, turning slightly to face him. “I never really was.”

He smiles just a little. “You’re good at playing one. Sometimes I forget.”

“I can’t blame you.” She leans her head against the wall. “I am the first nat-born you’ve had extended contact with. I’ve been your first for a lot of things.”

“It’s...an adjustment.” Hunter says. “This wasn’t how I thought things would go.”

“You’re not alone in that.” Midnight says. She looks away from him, curling up in the corner. “I feel like I failed.”

Hunter shifts so he’s more comfortable on the crate. “I know following orders isn’t really our thing, but I think this is one time we should.” He leans up against the wall. “Talk to me.”

So she does.

She tells him everything. How she knew something was wrong with Crosshair, but she hadn’t done enough to try and fix it. She tells him about her conversation with Tarkin, how he’d blackmailed her using them. She tells him about Crosshair’s betrayal. She tells him how she’d signed the contract, not knowing what else to do. She tells him her plan to break them out, about how she feels like a failure.

She tells him about her panic, about how she can’t stop the overwhelming feelings every time she has to fight. She tells him how she feels like she’s falling apart.

She’s crying by the end of it. She’s so tired of crying, but she can’t stop. Hunter’s arms wrapping around her only make it worse, the floods of tears quickly soaking a wet spot on his shirt. Hunter rests his chin on top of her head, letting her cry.

“I don’t want you to treat me differently.” She says, voice slightly muffled by his chest. “I’m still me. I’m still Midnight.”

“I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. It’s been hard, with everything going on. With Omega too...things can’t be exactly like they used to be.”

“I know.” She sniffles. “But they don’t have to change that much. We can adjust. It’s what we do, right?”

He kisses the top of her head softly. “I guess so. We’ve...got a lot to learn. You are right, though. We don’t know how to be civilians, or how to operate in that world in the way we need to.”

“That’s why you have me.” She says. “Luckily, I’m pretty good at that.”

“I think Omega could benefit from some lessons too.”

Midnight snorts. “Girl needs some life lessons.”

Hunter pulls away slightly to look down at her. “You are the expert.”

Midnight shakes her head. “No, no. I am not good with children.”

“I think you’re doing just fine.” He smiles at her.

“I’ve spent like five minutes with her. That’s not nearly enough time to figure that out.”

“Maybe you should make an effort.” He says, shifting her slightly in his arms. “She is part of this squad now.”

Midnight crinkles her nose. “I don’t even know how to approach her.”

Hunter laughs. “She’s not a Loth-wolf, she’s a kid. You just walk up and start talking.”

Midnight stares at him. “Since when are you an expert on children?”

Hunter shrugs. “Just speaking from experience.”

Midnight shifts so she’s sitting between his legs, her back to his chest. He wraps his arms around her, her fingers trailing down his arms to his hands. “How long do you think, until they unlock the door?”

Hunter shrugs. “Not sure. I don’t think they’ll believe us if we tell them we’re done.”

Midnight hums, tracing his knuckles. “Probably not.”

They fall quiet for a few moments, Midnight enjoying the feel of him wrapped around her. She really had missed them, all of them. She knows part of the problem is the pent up energy between them. Normally they could just slip into a bunk and relieve it, but now with a child on board, that wasn’t exactly possible.

“How long has it been?” She asks, tilting her head as he nuzzles against her neck.

“A month?” He asks, lips brushing against her skin.

“Yeah, after Esus when you took down that Octuptarra.” She says. “I was ready to get on my knees right then and there.” She can feel his smirk against her neck.

“You enjoyed that, huh?” His teeth graze her neck, making her shiver.

“Immensely.” She gasps, hands falling to grip his thighs as he slips a hand down her stomach.

He hums in her ear, gripping one of her thighs to pull it to the side. “You know I love watching you use your knife.” He trails his fingers down her thigh, her other one falling open in anticipation. “Easily one of the most attractive things I’ve ever seen.”

Midnight smirks. “What about that time I-”

Hunter groans, his hand closing around her thigh. “That might be the most attractive thing you’ve ever done.”

Midnight laughs, leaning her head back against his shoulder. “It wouldn’t be hard to replicate.”

“Not in here.” He says, kissing the back of her neck. “Once we get a chance to settle down.”

“Is that a promise?” She asks, tilting her head to look at him.

“It’s a promise.” He says, finally letting his hand reach the junction of her thighs.

She’s already damp, quickly soaking through her underwear. She’s so ready for him, so ready to feel something other than the agony and anger that had been burning through her for the last few days.

He cups her through her pants, slowly dragging his hand with enough pressure she can feel it against her clit. She relaxes back against him, letting him take over. They both need this, need to release the pressure between them.

He takes his time, knowing Tech wouldn’t unlock the door anytime soon. He wants to make the most of this moment. It’s not likely they’ll get a chance like this again, at least for a while.

“You look really good in civvies.” She murmurs, rocking her hips against his hand.

“Not nearly as good as you.” He laughs, slipping his hand into her pants. He wants to feel her, get lost in the warmth of her.

“Maybe someday we can hang the armor up for good.” She says, clutching onto his arms as he runs his fingers along her slit. “Maybe someday we can finally relax.”

He slips a finger into her, sliding in easily as her body welcomes him. She moans quietly, quickly biting her lip. They have to be quiet now. The last thing they want is any awkward questions.

“Kriff.” She breathes, rocking her hips in time with his hand as he thrusts his finger in and out of her. “I missed this.”

“Me too.” He murmurs against her shoulder. “Missed your sweet pussy.”

Midnight gasps, clenching around his finger at his words. “Hunter?” She gasps, gripping his wrist. “I need you inside me.”

“Is that an order?” He smirks.

“I can make it one.” She says breathlessly.

Hunter releases her, letting her shimmy out of her pants. He undoes his pants, slipping his cock out. He pumps it a few times, already half hard from the scent of her arousal alone. She sits herself in his lap, his calloused hands dragging up her thighs. She takes over for him, wrapping her hand around his thick length. He groans quietly at her touch, watching her face as she pumps him.

She shifts her hips over him, sinking down onto him. She’s tight around him, gripping him like a vice. He can feel every inch of her, every essence of her being as she sinks down fully on his length. His hands grip her hips, feeling the softness of her, the warmth of her pressed against him.

He wraps his arms around her, stilling her for a moment. They’re still clothed, but he can feel her. The scent of her arousal is thick in the enclosed space. He can hear the quick thump of her heart in her chest. He loves the sound, finding himself seeking it out when he feels stressed or worried.

The worst thing he can imagine is that sound disappearing.

“Hunter.” She breathes, pressing her forehead to his.

“I’ve got you, mesh’la.” He says, wrapping his arms around her waist.

She begins to move, rocking her hips against his. It’s fast and a bit sloppy, both of them wanting to make the most of the time they have.

Hunter presses his lips to hers to keep her quiet, his hands sliding down to cup her ass. He helps her move, feeling how close she is by the way she’s squeezing around him. She whimpers against his lips as her clit brushes against his pelvis, fingers tangling in his hair.

She cums quickly, and so does he, spilling into her. He holds her close, letting her collapse against him. He feels guilty for how he had been treating her. They all were struggling with Crosshair’s betrayal, but she had felt it the most. He could practically feel her anguish and he had gone and said all the wrong things, done all the wrong things. He could have lost her, so many times. He could lose any of them, Crosshair was proof of that.

The thought of losing Midnight hurts the most.

“Love you.” She whispers, clinging to him.

“I love you too.” He says, without hesitation.

There’s movement outside the door. A small shuffle, the familiar hum of electricity then a click. Hunter watches as the button to open the door lights back up.

Taglist:

@amyroswell, @dangraccoon, @hunnythebee, @lokigirlszendaya, @kriffingmeshla, @storm-breaker7

#star wars #star wars fic #the bad batch #the bad batch fic #the bad batch x reader #tbb x reader #tbb hunter #tbb echo #tbb wrecker #tbb tech #tbb crosshair #tbb hunter x reader

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