#i have recieved kind messages and i want people to know i’ve read them and they are appreciated <3

[inukag]

Hello, so I'm not heterosexual (I'm ace) and as you can tell I do like one of those ships in the poll. I thought your language was very harmful. Now, I'm not here to say those characters are nice people but that doesn't mean their fans like them because they are "hetero" and just like a hot guy. They are good characters and had cool dynamics with Kagome (yes that's subjective and you might disagree with it but some people did enjoy it). I do agree that Sango should have been on the poll but there are legit reasons people enjoy darker ships or enemies to lovers trope, they can be engaging to some. So to dismiss it as just "hetero girls liking a hot guy" is very bad. The reason I'm sending you this ask is because I think you are a good person and might recieve well my comment. I considered sending an anon but I wanted you to "see" me as we talk and I hope I don't get any harassment over this from others. Anyway, thank you for reading.

First of all thank you for sending this message non-anonymously! I know it can be stressful but it is definitely better for discussions. If I see anyone sending you hate over this I will fight them personally.

When I said “this fandom is painfully straight” I did not mean “every single person who likes these ships is straight”, that would be ridiculous. But it IS a straight ship. My point is that gay ships are almost never taken seriously in this fandom, as shown by the fact that people ship Kagome with all the male characters she canonically doesn’t like before shipping her with girls that she actually likes. I find that sad. Literally the only gay ship in this fandom that has a sizable fanbase is Inu/sess, but that’s another can of worms.

I’m not here to change anyone’s mind about sess/kag or kog/kag, I’m very much a ‘ship and let ship’ person. Those ships have existed for years so I know very well that me saying “Kagome Higurashi would never canonically love these guys” is not going to change anyone’s mind. So I’ll spare you the whole rant but I’ll say that I’ve read some sess/kag stuff (Raindrops and other fanfics I found years ago) and I’ve never seen Sesshomaru portrayed as anything other than a kind, suave, gentleman who saves Kagome from Inuyasha the toxic, two timer. His canonical racism and lack of empathy for others is gone. So I have a hard time believing people when they tell me they love the ship because it’s a “sexy villain/heroine, enemies to lovers ships” lol. Anyway like I said, I’m not going to change your mind and you won’t change mine, so no need to argue about this.

Also for added context regarding the “gay ships aren’t taken seriously” issue, a couple weeks ago a bunch of people on Twitter (inukag shippers) made tweets saying they were “disgusted” by the fact that many people headcanon Moroha to be a lesbian. That her blushing at and complimenting girls is “not evidence that she’s gay” and that the “real canon” is that she will end up with Koga’s son (who doesn’t even exists in any Inuyasha media!!!). It’s not an isolated issue with Sesshomaru or Koga fans, as I pointed out the people doing this were inukag shippers and they were called out by other inukag shippers. This fandom as a whole is just not the most friendly when it comes to lgbt+ stuff.

So yeah, I have nothing else to add. I don’t see how my language was harmful if I’m being honest. Regardless of people’s own sexual/romantic orientations this fandom mostly talk about and support straight ships. This isn’t really a call to action either, I’m not telling people what to ship, I was just jokingly pointing that out and hoping that next time people would just consider the fact that gay ships exists as well.

Thanks again for the message and I’ll take this time to remind everyone following me that I use the tag #<ship/character>-critical tag when I criticize stuff, so you can blacklist that if you follow me and don’t want to see negativity about characters or ships that you love. I didn’t tag my first reblog of the poll so that’s my bad, I’ll go back and fix that.

[purplesurveys]

1656

A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom? Anyone who still reads this already knows at this point that I hate checking my texts, so I’ll use my Messenger history instead – last message I sent was “People pt. 2 live perf!” to Angela and Reena.

B) What does the last text you recieved say? And from whom?  “Woozi also reposted” from Reena in our groupchat as a reply to Angela who was sharing that SVT Hoshi posted about People pt 2.

C) What time do you wake up most mornings?  My body clock has slightly shifted recently, waking me up at 6 AM.

D) Are you afraid of walking alone at night? Yes, I will very very rarely do so.

E) What do you do to relax at the end of a stressful day? I just immediately go on YouTube and click autoplay on any one of my favorite channels. Background noise calms me down more than anything.

F) Where did your last kiss take place and with whom?  It was with my partner at the time, right outside my house if I’m not mistaken.

G) Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school?  Never did. I never liked to make my presence known in school in general; meaning to say I didn’t get in trouble, and I never recited or asked questions either.

H) Do you enjoy your job? If unemployed, are you content being so?  I’m content and I’m continuing to learn, I’ll say that much.

I) Do you often pick up on double entendres and innuendos?  Sure.

J) Have you ever been offered drugs but declined?  I will occasionally get offered the brownie kind but have always said no.

K) Have you ever met someone who has completely altered your way of thinking?  Not met, just encountered. BTS turned my life entirely for the better starting 2021 and I’ve adopted much better and healthier ways of thinking since then.

L) Have you ever been offered drugs and accepted?  Once.

M) Tell us something weird that turns you on.  Smoking is a gross habit but people look good doing it, lmao.

N) When did someone last admit romantic or sexual feelings for you? Was the feeling mutual?  Years ago, and yep.

O) What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately?  Mostly just worrying about the Yoongi concert and wanting to make sure all 4 of us get to attend.

P) When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation?  A few weeks ago when my mom forced me to put a jacket on because she believed my top was too ‘short.’

Q) Do you usually initiate hugs?  Depends on the person. I will only do this with close friends.

R) Are you a very affectionate person?  Only with Angela.

S) Can you roll your own cigarettes?  Nope.

T) What are you looking forward to?  My birthday, which also happens to be the same day as D-DAY drop!

U) Do you have any tattoos. Do you want any/more?  I don’t have any. I have a couple designs in mind but don’t really have any plans to act on them because...needles.

V) Are you mentally strong?  For the most part.

W) Are you physically strong?  Nah.

X) Do you think you’re a good person?  I try to be.

Y) Name one thing you wish you could change about your life right now.  I WISH ALL OF US HAD THE DAMN TICKETS

Z) What do you usually eat for breakfast?  I prepare a cup of coffee and that’s it.

[woosansang]

henlo my beloveds!! i cannot believe that an entire year has passed in which not a single day goes by where i dont think about, listen to, watch, or fawn over (or all of the above) the most amazing group of young artists that i’ve ever had the pleasure of loving.

below the cut you will find some unnecessary emotional babbling about my short but amazing time as an atiny and some words of love to some of the people on this website who have contributed to that happiness. (fair warning: it is really fucking long i am so sorry and i do not expect many people to read it. tags and messages are at the bottom if that’s what you’re here for)

a week or so from today marks my first anniversary of being part of atinyblr, but it was on the fateful day of saturday july 17th 2021 that i watched my very first piece of ateez content and fell head over heels for fireworks!yeosang.

over 6000 tumblr posts later (what can i say? when ya boy obsesses, she oBsESsEs alright), and here we are. tumblr user woosansang who had previously not changed their url for SIX YEARS breaks tradition for Some Guys. smh @ myself at how whipped i am. @/bowtiescarves, you had a good run.

while yeosang captured my attention literally instantly, some of you know how utterly in denial i was about my san bias, which manifested itself within mere days of discovering them, yet it took me over six months to acknowledge how much he affected me. seonghwa joined the bias line second, officially, but then he got kicked out after deja vu because apparently i can’t take him seriously when he’s got pink hair or something idk. anyway, for all of one week i was posting about yeosang, san and seonghwa. and then i discovered inception era wooyoung and my life was basically over then. like. fucking goodbye jazzy lol LOL.

i remember listening to compilations of jongho singing for hours. i remember being so upset that they came to australia back in 2019 before i really even knew what kpop was at all and feeling like i’d missed my chance (cut to me now, kind of considering a wholeass holiday to korea for the sole purpose of seeing them live). i remember watching every. single. thanxx stage. GOD. those first few weeks were wild.

then i made my first ateez gifs. of seonghwa of all people. and since then, i have made more gifs and gifsets in the past year than the previous seven or eight years of being a casual content creator combined. (like i said, i’m insanely obsessed but wcyd)

outside of tumblr, i am a dancer, and after only knowing of ateez for a few weeks, my sister (who introduced me to them) and i decided that we were going to cut together a mashup song and learn a bunch of their choreographies to perform at our dance school’s annual concert in 2021. lockdowns and restrictions meant that we ended up learning and teaching this dance to our friend almost entirely online, and if i’m being completely honest here, our ateez dance was one of the only things that kept me happy during all the time spent stuck at home. like. combine dance and my current hyperfixation and you get one happy jazzy. we weren’t perfect by any means, but i was so so proud of our little trio for what we managed to accomplish (i think most of you have already seen my dance but if you want, you can dm me and i’ll send you the link if you want to watch!). our dance was ridiculously well recieved by the audience and i cannot remember ever being happier on stage then when i was performing to ateez’s music. it’s wild how serotonin works hey.

the past year of my life has been hectic, especially this last six months with my new job, and ateez has been the main thing that’s kept me going strong this whole time. they make me so happy, and the friends i have made through them make me so happy as well <3 i am so grateful that i found them and fell in love with them when i did <3

if you read all of that.... wow im so sorry i dont know how to be concise to save my life bsdhfbsd

now because i am me and i am physically incapable of keeping things short and sweet, there are just a few people that i want to say some stuff to that i’m sure they already know but i’m a sap so i’m gonna say it again. behold:

@hwanswerland fio bro idk what to say here tbh you know we are both too awkward and stupid for saying nice things to each other but i guess i have to bc i like you or something </3 fr though you know i do love talking to you, i love sending you stupid shit and bad hwa screenshots and random photos i find on twitter that either i’ve cried over or i know you will cry over. i love how we revel in each other losing our minds over some guys. and i also love how easy it has always been to be real with you, how well we clicked when we first started talking and how much i love waking up to random text essays from you overnight. thank you for listening to my bullshit and giving me your own right back. thank you for understanding my dislike of exclamation marks. thank you for being someone who actually likes to communicate about things if we ever take issue with something or just need clarification because we’re being stupid about some feelings or whatever. thank you for being you. i dont remember how we even became friends but i’m incredibly thankful that it happened. i guess. idk. you’re boring and i hate you. that’s more like it <333333

@sanhwaiting megan <3 beloved <3 bubble tea buddy <3 evil demon friend <3 we havent talked as much lately since we are such busy bees but i love you all the same! thank you especially for being such a kind and welcoming presense in atinyblr when i first stuck my toes into this fandom, for helping me with random cc stuff, for being such a sweet and constant presence in my notifs, for sending me so much stuff that i had to create tags just to keep track of my own suffering </3 i miss our little chats and i hope we can get back to them soon <333 ilysm <3

@hwanwooyoung chey my dearest, i hope you are having an amazing day today because you deserve the world <3 i self proclaimed myself as your emotional support mutual and while i don’t always manage to hold up that promise, i hope you know that i’m subconsiously sending you love and support every day! you’re such a beautiful person and i just want the universe to see that and give you everything you want in life <3 ilysm beloved, thank you for always being there for me <3 <3 <3

@ocean-dreamer-sky-chaser elise beloved!! i love you so much my love <3 im so glad we accidentally became friends lmao i love that i can leave rants in your dms whenever i need to and that we both feel comfortable enough to have deep and meaningful conversations and help each other out, or simply support each other and know we have each others’ backs. and also then i can come screaming about being on my knees for woosan just to have you go “same *faints*” HDSFJHSDK also love that we are both into fic lol it’s nice to have someone helplessly flailing with me about it <3333

@applejongho anne i think you’re just about the coolest person i know. even though we’ve only started talking properly quite recently, you’ve always been an awesome precense in atinyblr and i absolutely love how easy it is to chat to you about the most random shit. also MATH BUDDY LETS GO NERDS <33

@hanjesungs jay, although not really that deep in atinyblr anymore, you remain an awesome friend with knowledge on the most obscure things that i come to you to talk about, whether that be some random ass stage jisung did a year ago or how to build a computer from scratch, you always seem to know exactly what i need lmfao. thank you for teaching me about skz!! you and a few others truly opened my eyes to how fucking awesome they are. we should do another watch sesh soon <3 thank you for also always being there at whatever random hour i start vagueposting on tumblr, you show up in my messages with your love and support and distractions and i love you for it. you really need to get to bed at a reasonable time one of these days though HJDFSJDHF LOVE YOU <3

@blueberrysan shay!!! i love you so much <333 tbh, you are the heart of my life as an atiny, no doubt. you are the sweetest most precious angel and i wish we talked more but we’re both so stupidly shy it’s almost annoying sdjfsd thank you for also introducing me to svt and mr yoon jeonghan! i can’t thank you enough for all of the sweet messages and asks you’ve sent me, the little gifts here and there that i treasure. you’re so fucking lovely shay and i am so glad i am priviliged enough to know you <3 <3 <3

@hyunfelix dani im so glad we found each other again after being mutuals via stranger things without even talking to each other and then somehow being into some of the same kpop groups like a year or two later??? crazy how that happened. we need to come up with some kind of phonecall schedule lmao because we’re always missing each other being online but i love talking to you so much, it’s kind of like talking to myself but with an american accent BHSABD ilysm <3 text me again sometime pls <3333

a smol and special mention to sofie @seonghw-a and simi @yuggietual for the yeotent that i first found when searching for ateez content on tumblr lol, you guys were probably the first ccs i followed on here so you’re my og atinyblr crushes i guess sbdfjhf thanks for all your service to the yeo stans of this world <3

also a smol and special mention goes to the amazing work done by romi @songmingki providing atinys everywhere with content that we would not otherwise be able to access. i thank you internally every time i watch, save, gif, or simply drool over something you’ve uploaded. thank you so much <3

some other beloveds who i haven’t really spoken to much but deserve an honourable mention for making atiny and atinyblr incredible are @97choi @abiaswreck @ateezbiased @bvlnoriyas @dejawoos @jeongyunho99 @mangomingki @ortali @sanshine @seonghwaminho @soppa @lee--felix @woojoongz @wouyoung @xuseokgyu (i am so so sorry if i forgot anyone, it’s late and my brain is fried today)

last but not least, any non-mutuals who happen to be reading this, hi hello thanks for following my insane journey through stanning these silly, talented, gorgeous boys. i hope to stay here for a long time <3

thanks for coming to my ted talk. keep stanning ateez everyone <3

[matryosika]

shoot me, chapter II

pairing — changbin x reader

rating — 18+

genre of the overall series — smut, angst, fluff if you squint

prologue chapter I chapter II

word count for this chapter — 5.5 k

warnings — softdom!changbin, kind of bratty reader, mild exhibition (something happens at a dressing room but it's not too much), dry humping - lap riding?, oral (m), praise kink, use of petnames, slight edging, masturbation and cum eating

note — i wrote this today because maybe this week i'll be busy with college and i was feeling a bit inspired. i'm so happy with the messages i recieved and, if you like my work, i highly encourage you to send an ask or a message! thank you so much for reading me and i hope you enjoy this chapter. it's a litte bit more smut and angsty tension than actual plot, but i was feeling this today. also, i didn't plan on having a taglist but i guess i'll do! if you are interested in me adding you, please let me know! <3

tag list — @cozyblues @ahgasearmyfan

the awkward small meeting soon became lunch. arthur convinced you and changbin to join them at a very nice restaurant that was located a few blocks away from the company and, although you refused for the sake of comfort, your father didn't accepted a "no" for an answer.

"he is like a step-son to me" arthur said, looking at changbin as if he had some sort of admiration towards him. "i've seen him become the man he is now and i'm sure no one can run the company like him"

both haeun and jang-yeop seemed flattered, but changbin didn't even smile at the compliment arthur just said. by the lack of response, his mother rushed to say something in order to move on to other topic. it was pretty obvious that changbin was acting kind of rude towards everyone today, but you guessed he was just feeling uncomfortable because of what happened yesterday.

"so, y/n" haeun interrupted "your father had planned a dinner for you yesterday but it seemed like he had to canceled it because you had plans… how was your first day back in korea?"

"oh" you muttered, trying to chew the food that was still in your mouth so you could answer her question "it was… definetly something"

as soon as you answered her question, changbin gave you a side look from his place at the dinner table. "i went out with an old friend from middle school to itaewon"

"itaewon.." jang-yeop added "there are some dangerous places there, y/n. you should be more careful going out at night, korea might be a safe place but you can find anything out there".

"yeah i-" and for a moment, a perversed idea striked your head "i actually had a very unpleaseant situation yesterday at the bar i attended to"

immediatly after you finished your sentence, changbin glanced right at you.

"what happened?" jang-yeop questioned filled with concern.

"there were some awfully rude people there" you replied, limitating the answer. you wanted changbin to have an uncomfortable time there just because he crushed your pride the night before "i'll just leave it at that"

"changbin" her mother intervened "weren't you at itaewon yesterday too?"

the poor man almost choked on his food, coughing softly to avoid attracting any attention or being too loud "i was"

this was the first time you heard his voice that day and you would be absolutely lying if you said it didn't make you feel something. the memories of him praising you last night while he was eating you out just flooded your mind, making you stare directly at him for a really long time.

he was looking at you too, but his gaze transmitted something completely different than lust or desire. he was angry, maybe at himself or at you for teasing him in front of his parents, but he looked scared too, uncomfortable.

"see, this is exactly why i planned that dinner yesterday" arthur stated "i wanted to introduce changbin to y/n so he could guard her during her stay in korea. you know jang-yeop, how men are behaving nowadays…"

"tell me about it, arthur" the old man replied.

"i trust changbin as if he is my own blood" your father continued "if i asked him to take care of my youngest daughter y/n, i'm sure he would"

"maybe he can give her a tour around the principal streets of seoul" his mother suggested with the biggest smile.

"i'd love to" you were quick to say, earning a death-stare from the man in question. "i wanted to go to this mall i saw on my way from the airport but hyejin was in a rush and we couldn't stop by"

with a satisfied look, jang-yeop laid his body down on the chair he was sitting and sighed. "well, changbin, seems like you have plans for today"

"i'm not a taxi-driver" he spitted, earning a despicable look from both of his parents.

"no, changbin" arthur was rushed to intervene "i would really appreciate if you took care of her whenever she goes out alone. you know how men are, just think of her as a younger sister"

for a moment you felt the need to throw up at his fake words, but you were enjoying the scene.

a younger sister, that's funny.

"where's that store again?" changbin asked annoyed.

this can go really good or really bad for you, changbin. it's up to you.

*

"so you are not going to even apologize?" you asked in the middle of the uncomfortable silence that was now filling changbin's sports car.

"for what, giving you the best orgasm of your life?" he mumbled with a cold tone in his voice. you could see he wasn't really in the mood for talking, but you at least expected an apology for humiliating you yesterday.

"funny how you thought of me as a gold digger when my father is practically your boss and you do exactly as he says" you chuckled.

now let's clarify something. you never really felt proud of being arthur's daughter because he wasn't even a father to you. yes, you shared his blood and last name but at the end of the day that didn't meant anything for you. nevertheless, changbin didn't knew this so you could play that "ceo's bratty daughter" card everytime you wanted, even if that obligated you to actually act like you and arthur held a loving fraternal relationship.

"if i knew you were his daughter, none of that would've happened" he replied without parting his eyes from the street, again, with the coldest voice you had ever hear in your life.

"what part, the humiliation or the orgasm?"

he gave you a threatening look and proceeded to keep is eyes on the road. you were quite unsure how to lead this situation since everything happened really fast: your arrival to korea, your first encounter with ryujin after a long time, the itaewon night and the bar incident... changbin was still a mere stranger but you had quite a feeling that this wasn't going to be the first time you spended time with him since your father made it clear: changbin was like family to him.

shit, i am his real family and never even bothered to reach out for me when i was in japan. he probably only did it this time because of ara.

"is this is?" changbin asked as he parked.

"yeah" you replied, looking at the tall building that was in front of you.

"i'll wait for you here, don't delay, i don't have your time" he snarled without removing his seatbealt.

"you are not coming?"

you had one idea in mind to fuck up his head even more, but it was only going to work if changbin accompanied you to the store.

"and what exactly am i going to do there? rate the stupid clothes you try on?" he scoffed, checking his cellphone without even looking at you.

"do whatever you want" you told him, closing the door with a loud noise and bending over the opened window of the car "but i don't think arthur would be happy about your hostility towards me"

a smile appeared on your face as you walked away, hearing another loud noise indicating that one of the car doors just closed again. good.

*

"are you done?" changbin asked irritated as he walked besides you on your tour of the mall.

"yeah i just" your attention was caught by a black short dress that was on display at the front of a store that looked -expensive-. you had some of your own money from the previous night because, thanks to ryujin's master plan, you didn't actually had to spend any... but it was probably not going to be enough.

and just when you were about to tell changbin that you were ready to go, you remembered it: hyejin lended you one of her credit cards yesterday to buy yourself a "top-of-the-class present" because she was quite unsure of your likes and dislikes.

"i'll just go to that store and i'm done"

changbin rolled his eyes and followed you through the crowd of people that were in the mall at the moment. the store was crowded with people too, mostly women and their husbands or boyfriends who were waiting for them at the couches provided.

as you entered, you were quick to approach the pile of black dresses that caught your attention in order to try one on. the price, as expected, was elevated for you but it was probably nothing for hyejin. i'll buy this, i'm sorry sis.

it was a simple, skinny black dress with the whole back exposed. you figured out that it would be nice to wear it on a bar night or something and, since you didn't have that many clothes for those kind of situations, it would be good to get yourself some.

showtime!

"so" you said, walking out of the dressing room and immediatly catching the attention of changbin who was right outside of it, sitting while talking on the phone with someone.

"i'll call you back" he mumbles, turning his cellphone off.

"how do you like it?"

"does it matter?"

"it's too expensive and i won't buy it if i don't look good in it" you laughed ironically.

"i don't think arthur would be happy with you walking around seoul wearing just that" he scoffed, implying that the dress was too sluty.

"i wasn't asking for arthur's opinion" you spitted "i was asking for yours"

he shrugged his shoulders without even giving a proper answer, returning to the only activity he had been doing since the two of you arrived to the mall: using his cellphone.

"i actually need your help to get this off" you mentioned

he swallowed nervously without even looking at you, licking his lips "ask for help to the ladies that work here"

"they are busy"

you had no idea what they were doing but you needed to get changbin into the dressing room with you. he already feels guilty and i don't have anything to lose, it's not going to harm us if we add more stuff to the the record.

"just help me so we can get this over with and leave" you snarled, waiting for him to get up of the couch and walk with you to the dressing room.

the store was full of people minding their own business and, contrary to popular belief, they sold clothes both for women and men. the dressing rooms were pretty much mixed so it was not going to look weird if they saw changbin entering to one of them. besides, they had long curtains that fell right into the floor, it was impossible to look who was inside of them.

without saying a word, changbin was ready to untie the straps of the dress while looking directly at you through the mirror.

"now this brings back some memories" you said, chuckling.

changbin strucked you down with his gaze and approached the curtains with a swift movement, trying to get out of the small space the dressing room was without even helping you to get out of the dress first.

"look at me and tell me you don't find me attractive" you commanded, looking at his reflection in the mirror before he could even get himself out of there. changbin looked at you, letting out a sigh as he bit his lower lip in frustration.

"i'm sorry for what i said yesterday" he whispered angry, almost in resignation. "if that's what you want to hear so you can drop this fucking bratty attitude then i'm fucking sorry"

to be fair, that was actually what you wanted to hear since you encountered him that morning. but now that you had him there, the urge of wanting to make him feel even more guilty and ashamed just took complete power over you.

you couldn't really explained why you wanted to do all kinds of things to make him feel bad. it was probably your hatred for men, the fraternal relationship he had with your father or the fact that you found him extremely attractive, but you wanted to make him feel miserable.

"so, do you?" you inquired, stepping closer and pushing him away from the curtains.

"stop playing" he insisted, his gaze changing drastically from one moment to another. what looked like anger three seconds ago was now transformed into desire.

"it's okay" you cooed, resting your hands on both sides of his face, tilting yours to the side as your eyes fixed on his lips. "no one will find out about this, if that's what you are worried about"

he parted his lips as his tongue danced inside his mouth, grimacing in frustration "you mean about what happened" changbin dictated.

"about what happened?" you muttered, letting out a small whimper as his bulge grew against your thighs. "or about what will continue on happening?"

one of his hands approached the back of your head, gripping your hair harshly while lifting your face. "you know your father would fucking kill me if he finds out"

a victorious smile appeared on your lips. he just gave in.

"isn't that more fun?"

before you could finish the sentence, changbin's lips attacked yours. the kiss was sloppy and needy, as if he had been wanting to do this exact thing all the evening. his hands traveled to your lower back as he pressed you against him even harder.

his sweet taste and the friction between his bulge and your thigh almost made you give in as well, but you couldn't.

you had to prove yourself that you were still in control of the situation.

just a bit more.

his lips left your mouth to pepper kisses all over your jawline and neck. the way his breathing sounded was heavenly, making you start to feel the heat forming at your core. he looked at your face every now and then, as if he enjoyed the gestures you made by trying to hold back your moans.

okay, that's enough.

"a public restroom and now a dressing room" you shighed, as your hands pushed him away of you "i knew you were desperate but i didn't know how much"

his face contorted in anger, clenching his jaw as he saw you picking up your clothes from the floor.

"don't think too highly of yourself, changbin" you mumbled, looking at him before opening the curtain "you are a man, and men are just so easy"

you walked through the whole store with the dress on and your regular clothes under your arm.

"my boyfriend is paying for this, he is right behind me." and with that being said, you left the store.

*

as you were hiding yourself in the public bathrooms of the mall, you called ryujin.

"i'm at the coex" you said "can you please pick me up, i kind of need to talk with you"

"you want to grab some a snack?" she asked, and you could almost listen how she immediatly got up from her bed to get dressed.

"yeah, but not here" you replied. before hangin up, ryujin gave you a "gotcha" and you continued on changing you back to your previous clothes. you had no bag to carry the dress, so you exited the mall grabbing it like you just stole it.

you patiently waited for ryujin to pick you up, and it was actually earlier than you anticipated.

"there's a lovely coffee shop a few blocks from here"

*

"and that's pretty much what happened" you concluded, just as you finished telling ryujin the whole bar incident and the dressing-room idea you had that evening. she looked at you surprised, as if she just had witnessed a crime.

"so you had your first orgasm ever with a stranger on a public restroom?" she asked, almost on the brink of laughing hysterically.

"i just told you that i engaged in sexual activities with the most despicable men on earth who happens to be my father's right hand and that's everything you could pick up?" you replied, sipping from your iced coffee.

"pretty much, yeah" she joked "i don't remember him"

"yeah, why would you?" you teased her "you were pratically flirting with every man on the table and almost eating the soul out of one of them"

"chan" ryujin said softly.

"oh, so you got his name?"

"not only his name but his number" she mumbled as she held her cellphone almost in a victorious manner.

"so you have been talking to him?"

"kind of" the blonde-haired replied "apparently they are going to have a gathering at his house and he invited me" she then made a long pause "wait, you should come!"

changbin was definitely going to be there. another interaction you could decline but still chose not to.

"yeah i should come"

*

as soon as you got home, you fell completely asleep. it was only 6:00 p.m., but last night you barely had a good night of sleep because ryujin kept moving around and the thought of what happened in the bar wouldn't leave you alone.

as you woke up from your nap, your phone had a couple of unread messages from both hyejin and arthur.

[6:13 p.m., hyejin]

i'm going to grab something to eat with hyuna. arthur said he was probably going to go out to eat with ara and her family so if you want to have dinner just order something with my credit card.

[7:21 p.m., arthur]

i'm going to have dinner at ara's tonight.

with her family.

changbin said he had a great time with you today and since you were going to be at home, he insisted to make you company at dinner time.

i'm glad you two are getting alone

either he was completely stupid or he definetly trusted changbin with his life because no man would ever let her daughter spend time alone with a man.

but that was not even the worse part: you knew where this whole thing was going to.

a great time? you made him pay 620,000 korean wons and humiliated him on a public dressing room. i mean, you did have a great time but you weren't quite sure he did.

before you could start overthinking the whole situation, you heard how the doorbell went off. fuck, well, if i don't open the door he won't be able to come in.

the doorbell went off again, and you just chose to ignore it.

[9:33 p.m. unknown number]

i know you are there

your father told me you were going to be at home

[9:35 p.m. unknown number]

you do know that i have the keys of the house since i spend a lot of time here working with your father here, right?

now you were starting to feel nervous. not only because you were, obviously, going to have to pay for the dress you practically stole, but because you were quite unsure if you could still have the self-control you had earlier today in case he approached you in that way.

but he probably hated you now just as much as you did.

maybe he just wants his money back.

while you were threading your thoughts, you heard how the front door of the house opened. quickly you got out of bed and ran downstairs with hyejin's card on your hand to encounter him before he could even get further into the house.

"just take the 600,000 wons" you said, extending your arm to lend him the credit card number and code.

he scoffed at you, ignoring it.

"i don't give a fuck about the money" he mumbled, approaching you as your back slammed against a cold wall.

oh, just casual rich behavior.

"now i'm the one who wants an apology for the show you did at coex" now this was what you were fearing. his lips dangerously close to you, his scent mixed with mint and cigarettes flooding all your senses.

changbin was fine. his body, even though you hadn't seen it in all his glory, was extremely well built and he knew it; the clothes he wore only accentuating more his manly figure... and here comes the part of the self-control.

"you said my father was going to kill you" you stuttered, trying to look away from his face that was merely centimeters away from yours.

"and isn't that more fun, princess?" princess, that fucking petname again. changbin was using the exact same words that left your mouth hours ago to tease you. "if you don't want this, then tell me. but do it now, because if we move forward i don't think i'll be able to stop"

you swallowed thickly. you knew exactly what he was talking about and the proposal he was making, but wasn't that a bit too rushed? besides, the hatred you felt towards him grew bigger by the minute. wasn't that a bad idea?

but then again, wasn't it a very good idea? you could prove changbin that you didn't thought too highly of yourself for nothing and you would be able to mess with your father's pride... it was just a very good offer you couldn't decline.

"i don't have all night, y/n" he grunted, still looking at you with starving eyes.

"it's you who has to think this through" you whispered, trying to keep the eye-contact with him. "i don't have anything to lose, but you on the other hand..."

"if this is done right, no one will lose anything" changbin replied, brushing his lips softly against your chin "and in exchange, i'll have you begging for me the rest of the days you spend here in korea"

that single statement made you blush, but you wouldn't let changbin acknowledge the power he held over you.

"i don't beg"

changbin gripped your hair and pushed your body down, making you fall into your knees.

"use your words, princess" he said while maintaining eye contact with you "for the last time, tell me that you truly want this and then we can move on to something more interesting"

you were unable to hold your tongue from licking your lips at the sight of his bulge. "i do" you said softly, almost inaudible, but it was good enough for changbin to take you.

his grip on your hair stopped and you were able to stand up, following him into the living room of arthur's house as he rested his whole weight in one of the couches. "come here" he ordered.

he sat down while spreading his legs and it was only then that you noticed how cozy his lap looked. unsure of what to do next, you climbed on top of him, your barely-clothed core making contact with his cock under his pants; just that fraction of contact was all it took to get a whiny moan out of you.

"what exactly where you trying to achieve at the dressing room anyways?" he inquired with a mocking tone.

"i just wanted to get back at you" you admitted, trying so hard to ignore the pressure between your thighs.

"and did you enjoyed it?"

"i did"

changbin licked his lips as he let out a soft laugh, trying to find a decent reasoning behind your behavior.

"well i'm glad you enjoyed it because it didn't work at all" he stated. "no matter how hard you tried to control yourself earlier today, you still ended up craving my touch"

his hands toured your naked thighs and stopped at the elastic of your pijama shorts.

"it doesn't matter" you hissed with strangled breath as his fingers dance around your shorts and skin "i still got what i wanted"

"and what was that?" his hands were now at your hips, holding you so thightly that could anticipate a few bruises there.

"to see you drowning in embarrassement" you admit, looking directly into him. "it was a pretty fun sight"

"i bet" he grunted, lifting ever so slightly his hips and making the pressure between your thighs increase immediatly.

a sudden moan escaped your lips, provoking changbin to smile. "do you want to count again?" he teased, talking about the bar incident.

your hands grabbed his shoulders for support as his hands started guiding your hips over his lap.

unlike you, changbin was all dressed up in his black pants and white shirt he had on earlier today. as soon as you arrived home you changed into more comfortable clothes, your pink pijamas whose fabric was extremely thin, and just now you started to regret your decision of not putting more clothes on before having this encounter with him.

"i need you to touch me" you admit after a few painfully seconds grinding against his bulge. it felt good, but you knew that it would feel even better if he decided to actually participate in your orgasm. besides, the scene of you pathetically grind against him in an attempt to chase your high was degrading.

he was right, both outcomes were pathetic. as you pondered, your head fell upwards and your core started to painfully clenched around thin air.

"then beg" he smiles, his hands still resting on the sides of your body. this bitch. "you don't want to because you are too proud, but how exactly are you going to feel after coming undone only by grinding on my lap without my help?"

"if that's what you want" he grunted at the absence of pleads, lifting his hips again "this is the only way you get to cum tonight"

your hips rushed the movements as you felt your pussy getting hotter, your juices making a mess on changbin's pants.

"who finds who attractive, hm?" he asked as the sight of your dripping core. "it's taking all of my self-control to not fuck you right here, right now"

"why don't you do it?" you ask in between broken moans, your hips moving at a steady pace.

"because you don't deserve it"

changbin was fucking you up and he was doing it just right. every word that came out of his mouth only made you angrier and wetter, drilling a hole on your mind by even considering beg for his touch.

"you don't deserve to fuck me either" you sighed, trying to hold back all the loud moans that wanted to escape your mouth as your clit repeatedly stroke against him.

"i don't?" he asked, mocking pain "are you sure, princess?"

the frustration of not being able to reach your high was starting to make you feel pathetic because all you wanted was to experience the exact same feeling you got at the bar.

"changbin" you whined, grabbing yourself onto his white shirt. "if you aren't going to touch me then please just do something else"

his hands moved all the way to the straps of your pijamas and he gently pushed your top down, exposing your bare breasts.

"do you never wear underwear, princess?" he growled, attaching his lips at the skin that was faintly bruised because of last night.

"fuck, changbin" you moaned, the friction between your bodies increasing as he was closer to you.

"i know you can do it without my help princess" he said, grabbing one of your hardened buds in between his lips.

the knot was starting to form on your lower abdomen at a much slower pace than before, making you let out desperate whines. "look at how messy you are being"

his mouth licked one of your nipples as his fingers played with the other, wanting to edge you until you had no choice but to beg for his touch. "fuck, changbin. i'm close"

as soon as you told him this, you felt how his body reincorporated into his seat, making the contact between your core and his lap almost inexistent. "i changed my mind, i don't want you to cum like this"

with teary eyes you looked at him. was he really going to edge you this bad? was it because you didn't beg? fuck, all you wanted was to cum and he wouldn't even let you do that peacefully.

"don't you think it's my turn?" he smirked while unbottoning his pants. oh, right, his turn.

you clearly had not much experience in that department but you wouldn't let him find that out. back in japan you were not really an enthusiast of oral sex, but you would often hear stories from your classmates talking about experiences and tips.

before you could keep recalling all the stories you heard, changbin's hands stroke your hair making you look directly at him.

he was... making you quite confused about whether if you were going to be able to take it or not. "come on princess" he encouraged as the tip of his cocked brushed your lips slightly.

getting rid of any hesitation you were quick to drag your tongue all over his lenght, earning a sigh out of him. you would be lying if you said that it didn't turned you on, because it did (more than you ever wanted to admit). slowly, he pushed his cock into your mouth making you gag over it. "good fucking girl" he whispered as he starred into your teary eyes.

changbin had one arm over his head while the other guided you to take his cock. his eyes never left yours, only ocasionally as his head fell upwards when the pleasure was too overwhelming for him. his chest was moving everytime at a faster pace, and the sounds that left his mouth were getting more frecuent. "fuck, y/n"

you were learning how to take him inside your mouth to the point that it felt too good having him there. "y/n"

"mhm?" you mumbled around his cock, making waves of pleasure travel all over changbin's body.

"touch yourself for me as you take my cock" he ordered.

you had tried several times to reach your orgasm just by masturbating and it did felt good, but for the longest time you thought that if that was what an orgasm was supposed to feel like, it wasn't so much of a big deal. that was until yesterday, when you truly felt a real one. but you assumed that by the previous stimulation, it was going to be way easier to come undone this time, even if it wasn't as powerful as the one changbin made you feel.

you started to rub your clit in circles as changbin fucked your mouth slowly without parting your gaze from his eyes. his eyes that intimidated the shit out of you and that were the main reason of why you wanted to submit immediatly for him.

"that's my good girl" changbin's grip on your hair was getting tighter and his breathing was getting heavier than before. "does it feel good baby?" he asked, watching how your eyes slightly rolled to the back of your head by the pleasure provided by your own touch and his cock inside your mouth.

"fuck" he cursed under his breath "i'm close"

with eager eyes you started to take him in even more, determined to making him finish just as you chased your own high. your fingers moved around your clit at a soft but hard pace, making that now familiar knot appear at your abdomen. "y/n"

you knew you were a couple of seconds away from your own high as changbin's hands pushed your head all the way over his cock, releasing himself into your mouth. "good fucking girl" he praised with raspy voice and quick breath.

and with the feeling of his hot cum down your throat and your drool all over him, your juices dripped onto your fingers. moaning against his cock, changbin's body trembled at the overstimulation and he quickly pulled himself out of you.

"open your mouth" he ordered while you were still coming down from your high. you did as he commanded, with the remains of his release still in your tongue. "swallow"

and so you did, tasting him.

"my pretty doll" he grunted "did you make yourself cum while your mouth was taking my cock?"

you nodded with tears streaming down your cheeks, messy hair , drool dripping onto your bare chest and your pijama shorts soaked in your own juices. that sight alone was everything for him, increasing his desires of completely ruin you in his bed... or yours... or any place.

a smirk appeared on his face as he pulled you in for a kiss, tasting himself on you.

"i fucking hate you" you whined against him, feeling how your nipples grazed with his chest. "god i fucking hate you"

and even though you did, you knew that this was only getting started both of you.

[2jaeh]

Bubble ♡︎ | Na Jaemin

Genre : Fluff humor

You’re subscribed to Jaemins bubble, excited just like every other fan to recieve his message for today until his new messages don’t seem like the others.....

-—————————————————————————

“What’s taking so long ?” You stared blankly at the LYSN* app while stretching your legs onto your leather couch.

You switched over to the Twitter app and scrolled through your timeline, briefly reading through whatever was the latest topic on nctzen Twitter. One tweet caught your attention which made you chuckle out loud

Nananotifs: “I’m pretty sure Haechan finally threw Jaemin’s phone out of the dorm window bc.......”

All Nanadoongies gathered on Twitter to complain about the absence of Jaemin especially since he was the only one who hadnt reposted Chenle’s beloved pup Daegal.

You sighed and switched back to the LYSN app and noticed you were able to send one more message to Jaemin before the app blocks you off until he sends a new message.

Y/n: nana I miss you please say something

JAEMIN: y/n did you eat today ? I’ve missed you!

Your eyes widened at the immediate message you received from your ult. Was is coincidental ? Ofcourse it was, they don’t get notifications from fan messages do they ?

You immediately switched over to Twitter already seeing the bubble update account sharing Jaemins new message along with the entire timeline screaming over his activity.

~boominana: “how dare he act so normal I’m gonna cry !!!!”

~jaeminjenos: “post a selfie Jaemin don’t be shy”

~dreamies023: “he’s probably busy guys let him post when he wants to”

The last account was right. Jaemin was probably so busy. It was nice that he still found time out of his schedule to message nctzens and that’s what you loved most about him.

Y/n: Jaemin you’re stressing everyone out on Twitter lol let us know you’re doing ok we love you !

JAEMIN: am I ? :/

Was it a delayed message ? You shook your head and decided it was probably just another glitch on the app.

Y/n: yes stop ghosting us !

JAEMIN: ghosting ? ㅋㅋㅋ so dramatic

You froze. There was absolutely no way that from the tons of messages he would be recieving right now that yours would be the one he read and responded to.

The interaction made your heart race and quickly switch over to Twitter, it was probably chaos right now wondering what Jaemins messages could mean.

Silence.

Everyone on the timeline moved on from Jaemins first message and there were no updates on the messages you had just received from him.

PING!

JAEMIN: y/n ~ are you not going to answer me ? How am I ghosting you :(

This could not be real. You felt a lump in your throat as you checked over your other bubble subscriptions which all seemed fine except for his. You had no idea how to feel or what to do.

Y/N: this is weird. Send me a selfie so I know you’re actually replying to me and not a bot -_-

About 15 minutes went by and you stared at the open chat. He had read your message but there was no reply.

“Humh it was a bot after all” you huffed, about to close the app when your phone pinged and you saw Jaemins name pop up.

A voice note.

“Hey y/n, I hope I’m saying your name correctly hehe So long story short I think the chat glitched and your name and profile pic added itself to my own bubble. Weird right ? Mark Hyung told me I should send a voice note because it will make you believe me a bit more and .....well we would know if you posted on Twitter which CANNOT happen hahaha you understand right ?”

What was happening right now.

You pinched yourself to make sure you didn’t accidentally fall asleep on the couch and start having a very eerie realistic dream.

JAEMIN: I know you’re shocked rn but I really enjoy reading your replies haha it was the best part of my day and well I couldn’t help myself today. I wanted to tease you lol

Y/N: wait so how long has this “glitch” happened for ?

JAEMIN: hmmm....about a month now I think...after you renewed your account I think hehe

Y/N: what ??? Omg I’m so embarrassed......

JAEMIN: there’s nothing to be embarrassed about trust me. I’ve read everything czennies have sent me haha I find it amusing.

You exhaled deeply and scrolled through some of the messages you have sent him during this month and thankfully none of them were cringeworthy.

Y/N: so...now what? Should I speak to app support and fix this....unsubscribe or something....

JAEMIN: LOL youre really funny. Imagine finding out you can speak to someone from your fav idol group and you want to call tech support ...LOL so funny Mark Hyung is laughing

You felt your cheeks heat up at the image of Na Jaemin and Mark Lee laughing at your messages.

JAEMIN: please don’t be embarrassed y/n ! I only did this bc well I have your profile now and you’re really cute.

This was NOT happening.

Y/N: Uh......

JAEMIN: what do you have a boyfriend ? ....

Y/N: no I don’t I’m just....it’s nothing never mind

JAEMIN: LOL so cute! So do you have Kakao ?

Y/N: you want my number ? Why ? .....

JAEMIN: to talk to you obviously! What if they fix the glitch and I’ll never be able to talk to you again..

Jaemin wanted to talk to you. He was trusting you wholeheartedly to add him on his private account. Did he have an idea of the kind of person you were ? How could he possibly risk his career to a nobody ?

Y/N: I do have kakao it’s YN_0023.... Jaemin I won’t say anything but are you sure this is okay ?

JAEMIN: yeah I’ll video call you and we can talk about it ...adding you now. Clear this chat after you get my text!

VIDEOCHAT ?

Is he absolutely insane ? Maybe the voice note was fabricated. Maybe this was some weirdo trying to prey on innocent fangirls. Maybe -

Nana00: heyyyyyyyyy :)

Y/n: hi Uhm is this ...Jaemin ...

Nana00: yup (inserts a pic with your username on a sheet of paper)

Y/n: holy shiiiiit

By now you were already pacing across your entire apartment trying to come to terms with what was going on in your life right now. It became a force of habit to constantly check Twitter and make sure by chance somebody mentioned a glitch of some sort or SM announcing that the app is under construction or SOMETHING.

‘This couldn’t be real’ you thought.

Nana00: lol you’re so funny so are you free to video call ?

Y/n: Uhm......are you sure that’s a good idea ?

Nana00: yeah I mean firstly I would like to know you’re real too lol and also I want to know if I can trust you with this information.....it’ll be quick I promise

Y/n: well....okay give me 10minutes please

Nana00: lol sure :)

After scrambling to your bathroom to make yourself a little presentable as if you just won a video call event for your ult, you finally set on a laidback look so it doesn’t look too obvious that you put a little effort in.

You decided to prop your phone on the mini tripod on your desk so the lighting from your bedroom window in front of you bounced off your skin perfectly.

Y/n: okay I’m ready. I’m a little shy so.....sorry if I can’t talk much...

Nana00: you don’t sound shy when you talk about me on bubble hehe ;)

You buried your face in your hands and groaned. The embarrassment was still eating at you and Jaemin was not letting you live those messages down.

Ring Ring Ring......

You saw your phone light up and Jaemins kakao profile picture fill your screen.

With a shaky finger you press the recieve button and watch as the pixelated video start to clear up, presenting a very smiley Na Jaemin.

“Hi there” he said in his high voice and a bright smile on his face. He seemed to be sitting at his desk as well, hair still wet from either a rainy day or a shower.

“Uhm hi” you replied shyly and waved awkwardly.

“So this is the face behind the bubble profile huh”

“I guess so” you replied. It seemed as though you were calm and collected but on the inside you were screaming. Screaming that you were conversing with one of your favourite people right now.

“Good! Sorry to ask this again but did you clear the chat on bubble ? We have to be careful with that” he said in a concerned voice.

“Yeah I did after you sent the pic I finally realized it was definitely you so I went ahead and did it” you quickly said, kinda embarrassed by how fast your words came out.

Jaemin chuckled.

“You still doubted me after the voice note?”

“Just a little”

“You’re so adorable it’s ridiculous you know that ?” He gleamed and neared the screen, his deep brown eyes focusing on yours “ where are you from y/n?”

“Well I live in a lot of places but my hometown is _______. I learnt most of my korean while studying here in Osaka weird enough” you shrugged.

You moved to Japan for your first year of university since it was where you sort of grew up as a kid and took up extra korean classes once settled in the city.

“Osaka ?? Wow I love Japan I can’t wait to go back! Well now I kinda have an excuse to go” he winked sending your heart into a frenzy.

You giggled shyly “is this the fan service everybody talks about ?

“Fan service is a job....this is different I’m sure you know that y/n haha”

“All of this because of my profile picture ?”

“Well” Jaemin bit down on his lip as his eyebrows turned into a frown

“I obviously saw your pic and thought you were very cute but a big part of it was your messages and how you would always message me when I most needed it.”

“My messages are very random” you chuckled.

“Still made me smile throughout my day and that means a lot” he said and ran his fingers through his hair “so it’s kinda selfish of me to say, but id like for you to update me...personally”

“Na Jaemin are you asking me to be your own personal bubble account ?” You raised your eyebrow.

“Yeah pretty much” he shrugged “I’ll repay the subscription when I see you Osaka.”

[nightswithkookmin]

Goldy,

Kind of off topic, but a little on topic. Have you seen the band Maneskin from Italy? They won 2021 Eurovision Song Contest. Beautiful, beautiful people.

I have no idea of their sexual orientation or preferences, but they wear a lot of makeup on and off stage , and smooch on each other a lot on stage. Nobody bats an eye. They are a Metal band and they dress accordingly. I wish that everyone around the world was as accepting as all their fans are. They are super androgynous as well and they are SEXY as hell

Their charm and sexuality is so fluid and just so natural. They are who they are and they are beautiful and fun to watch. Their comfort with each other is how I wish ALL of us would be

Rock bands rock period

I wonder what they look like in brand ads. I wonder if they are given or are required to have a much tamer look with little to no rings and funky clothing or hoop earrings you can barely see.

Where are the dangly chrome earrings?! WHERE ARE THEY?!🤺

I like my BTS the way they are. It's what I bought in. I want to see men in corsets, waist snatched, dark eyeliners selling alcohol to men. Is that too much to ask?! Is it?!😒

This is what happens when they treat queerness as aesthetics and have no qualms drawing on- if not appropriate- gay culture and lifestyle. Y'all just ditch it for your hyper heteromasculinity whenever y'all want😒

Their ability to divorce themselves completly from certain looks at certain times is what gives me whiplash. When that happens, it creates the impression queerness is just a look, gender fluidity is not real and establishes traditional definitions of masculinity as the norm. You do not have to 'look like a man' to sell alcohol 🤺

I was literally waiting for this Kloud, Klout beer ad to drop ever since Winter Package at the end of last year because we all know what most people think about Alcohol and men. I was curious to how how BTS would market to men as compared to women and teens. I feel there is so much room for them to break norms and set new trends in the advertising world. I'm disappointed so far.

For contrast, look at how they look selling a nonachoholic beverage as compared to how they look selling alcohol. Can I weep? Can I?! See how they look like they just stepped off a set for a music video? They look like themselves. Their everyday selves but you look on your left and it's like huh??????

And in case the message and intent is not clear, here is a photo of different models modeling for the same brand.

Their girls look like "girls" and their boys look like "boys." I'd say BTS in those ads look much more similar to the male model here in terms of looks- that clear cut box labeled men- which to me is a problem.

I'm sorry but this is just lazy advertisement. Nothing at all ground breaking. The models look great. Taehyung looks tasty, heteromasculine and perfect.

I feel used to male oriented brands breaking boundaries and participating in the gender discourse in recent times I think my expectations for BTS on this topic in advertisement was this high.

If heteromasculinity is all y'all can tap into to sell a can of drink I'm sorry but that's misogynistic and sexist and homophobic.

If Jimin or any of these boys come out a few years down the lane in another documentary to say these kinds of shit affected them in any way I AM STARTING WORLD WAR III.

I'm tired of seeing Jimin and other Asian men be emasculated and treated as if they aren't men enough just because they look to them 'feminine.' You don't have to fix their masculinity or tweak it to suit your idea and ideals of masculinity. There's no one way of being man.

Don't get me started on the desexualization of Asian men and it's subsequent effects on Asian men. You hear Asian men are not sexy, they do not sell the fantasy, they are not this, they are not that blah blah blah and yet we sit here and wonder why someone like JK, who had probably internalized that shit, would say he wants to be seen as sexy too and perform sexy choreos and shit.

And no, it's not an American Asian problem, it's a global Asian problem. BTS are on the world's stage being socialized by the global community and they do face almost every microaggression prevalent within the regional communities. It's the American's take on them, Canada, UK, Africa, Asia, Europe, all of them. Everyone is projecting on to them their ideals and understanding of gender and who they should be. Did we not see BTS BIOT trending from the Philippines lately? Gay because WHY???? They wear make up and earrings and love androgynous?

Naa, I'm actually getting gassed the more I think about it🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺

The notion that Asians aren't sexy sits on the opposite end of 'Asians are too soft and good looking they are not masculine' all on the something is inherently wrong with Asian men spectrum.

I keep saying Jikook are the two members who've faced and have perhaps had to defend their masculinities the most- from BTS themselves effeminating JK and always bringing his masculinity to question- you know they once said JK is the most feminine within the group? I think so too but that's besides the point chilee.

Then for Jimin, he's always been either over feminized or defeminized, masculated and treated as if his femininity is wrong and invalid. Didn't a certain Karmy call him a fake woman or something like that? It's almost the same microaggressions transfems and gay men steroetyped as bottoms recieve on a dialy basis in this shit hole we call planet. It's all so ghetto.

Ass holes like to masculate and invalidate fems and masculine femininity, it's appalling. And people like to gaslight and pretend these microaggressions cannot have Freudian effects on these people- he is too strong to be bullied, oh he worked so hard on himself he can't crack so easily, oh it's nothing they're just being sensitive, it was joke, they're reading too much into it, and my personal favorite- y'all are over analyzing when you point it out😌

Some people are legit serial gaslighters, they will gaslight you before you can say the Jay in Jesus.

As a black woman growing up in a community that view black women as strong and incapable of being mentally attacked and traumatized by certain experiences- black people don't get depression or mental health issues because they are black and they are strong- being masculated and defeminized on a dialy basis, I tell you- shit is torture.

All of this, and we sit here and wonder why Jimin wants to go to the gym and build muscles and blend in with the boys etc. Could be nothing, could be a response to the over feminization of Jimin, the emasculation or it could be he is internalizing some things. We will never know.

Personally, I feel JM is on the precipice of something and may be its something, may be its nothing but imma put my foot on these companies' neck and keep it there 🤓

Because it's not just about Jimin. It's about all the people who look up to him. All the people he has influence over. For every queer child who sees themselves in him and these men.

Any who. I think I've said everything I want to say on this topic. The weight on my chest is lifted. Asian men are sexy, their masculinity is VALID. Queer masculinity is valid too and they need to be inclusive of it. If you don't wanna include it leave BTS as they are. We get the representation as they are. Don't tweak them in y'all's brand campaigns. Don't fix Jimin's Jawline and make it more chiseled. HE IS PERFECT THE WAY HE IS.

Now please, let's talk about BigHit and the recent shipping agendas.😐

Signed,

GOLDY

[theiceemperor]

1/3 "I’ve yet to encounter a Scott fan who would say that only Stiles and others make mistakes and Scott is flawless. Also there's the fact that I’ve yet to see some pro-Scott fan call anyone on the imaginary other side names" That's a blatant lie, and you know it. The Scott fans you reblogged this post from for example are well known racist, ableist bullies who routinely stalk and harass Stiles, Derek, Sterek, Steter and Thiam fans and anyone who doesn't worship the ground Scott walks on

2/3 or writes non Scott centric fics, and spend all their time targeting newbies and vilifying, demonizing and obsessively hating on Stiles and Derek in an attempt to prop Scott up. They also luv to accuse anyone who dislikes Scott, or prefers other characters to Scott, or dares to point out/criticize Scott's canon abusive actions and behavior of "racism" in order to gaslight them into silence. Users princeescaluswords and liliaeth have been doing it for years now: harassing non Scott fans

3/3 Users princeescaluswords and liliaeth have been doing it for years now: harassing non Scott fans in their own tags and fandom space and hating on Stiles and Derek just because they are everyone's favorite (including the whole cast's) and eclipsed Scott from day one without even trying. There are plenty of receipts of their toxic behaviour on internet, so it's kinda hard to believe you you never noticed... It's more likely you condone them because they harass people over your personal fav

//////

Before I start: once again, my opinion is my opinion, I don't want to offend anyone, I don't want to be rude to anyone. I'm merely explaining my point of view.

Anyway. Before I truly start, let's tag the people mentioned. Can I tag them? Scratch that, it's my response, I don't have to ask anyone and people should know when someone's talking about them.

@liliaeth @princeescaluswords (I'm sorry if I'm bothering you with this, but as I stated, I'd like to know if somebody was talking about me.)

And now, we can start responding to the ask!

First. Are... are we talking about the same people? Are we? Because I've spent quite a lot of time browsing throught their blogs, reading their (quite long and explanatory) posts about the Teen Wolf fandom.

Now, I have absolutely no idea where did you came to the conclusion that these people are racists, especially when they're literally defending the characters of color in the show? (And yeah, I know that racism is described as “prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized” but come on. People liking white, problematic dudes is a thing and no one can deny that.)

That they're ableist? Please, explain how? Because I've never seen them use Stiles' ADHD as an argument.

Hey! Just as I'm writing this, the anon (at least I assume it's still the same one) sent me a submision:

Talk about harassment https://liliaeth.tumblr.com/post/663090045411082240/its-funny-how-some-people-are-so-utterly-wrong

Tell your gross Scott McCall defense squad friend @liliaeth to stop targeting newbies and harassing an autistic person just because they don't worship the ground her shitty fav Scott walks on please? Thank you

Aaand my response is: Yeah, I admit that making a point could go without some words. But, I'm also going to refer to this post, where @liliaeth explains what they personally have against Stiles.

Anyway, let's continue.

Let's talk about the harassing and stalking. I don't know how their Tumblr works. Personally, Tumblr suggest for me the 'possible interesting posts' when there are tags I use, obviously. That means that I'm seeing a lot of both negative and positive opinions in the Teen Wolf/Stiles Stilinski/Scott McCall etc. tags.

Now, the internet isn't private. What you post, that's here for all people to see. It's kind of expected that people will react. But I wouldn't say that they're “stalking” because for me, it stalking doesn't look like that.

The same goes for the harassing, but as I said earlirer, I admit that they could leave out some words. Though, as I see it, it's still not as bad as what they've sometimes recieved.

(Also I personally don't really like Theo, but that's a conversation for another time. That also doesn't mean that I'm about to hate on people who like him.)

But let me just ask: If they're both so against the characters/ships, then why are they reblogging content with it? Just as I'm writing this, @liliaeth reblogged this, for example. Three days ago @princeescaluswords reblogged this.

How I see it is, that both @liliaeth and @princeescaluswords are explaining their points of view in their posts. And yeah, maybe sometimes they say something a little harsh, but them being abusive? Ableist? Racist?

I don't see it. Yes, they're explaining why they like Scott and why they think anti-Scott fans are wrong, but they're also not forgetting Scott's flaws and mistakes. Or gaslighting fans whose fav isn't Scott into silence, as you put it.

So, yeah. Call me biased, call me crazy, I don't really care. I'm just saying how I see it, and how I interpreted posts and words of these people.

My conclusion?

My point from the reblogged post you've reacted to still stands. Though, I admit, I'm changing the statement in the bracket: I think that yes, some Scott fans have been harsh to the people on the other side, but not straight up mean. (But note that this is also quite individual: for some people being rude/mean can (and does) mean something different than for other people.)

Also, @liliaeth and @princeescaluswords please don't consider this as a hate on you from me. It's NOT meant like that. I agree with many of your opinions/points. I really don't want you to think that this was written to bring you down or anything.

(Also I hope I haven't misgendered any of you. I tried to stick with 'they' but if you're not comfortable with that, please send me a message and I'll rewrite it!)

(Here goes my assurance and expressing my feeling issues.)

[star-maiden]

Hey I was wondering what does seeing heart shape everywhere and all the time mean!!???

Hello There! It sounds like you may be experiencing a synchronicity in seeing hearts everywhere and all the time. This is going to be another long post. Before we get into some possible meanings, let’s chat for a bit about what a synchronicity is and isn’t. That way we can be sure to practice using our discernment when synchronicities are involved, and make informed and empowering choices. To be clear though, seeing symbols (repeating numbers, images like hearts, names etc) isn’t bad or dangourous. It is, however, always a good idea to look at many possible avenues before deciding what something means and then acting on it. Also for the record, I’ll be discussing synchronicities through the lense of tarot since that’s what I primarily work with and know well. Just something to keep in mind for anyone reading this.

⭐️ Google defines a synchronicity as “the simultaneous occurrence of events which appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.” This is a pretty good definition, but when people talk about seeing signs everywhere, they are often referring to the more recent and occult definition.

⭐️ In the world of the occult (which in some capacity encompass witchcraft, paganism, the New Age movement and alternative spirituality), synchronicities have taken on a significance beyond their original definition. Nowadays, we tend to see anecdotes of people noticing repeating symbols showing up, such as repeating numbers, letters, images like hearts, certain animals or even songs. Seeing these things over and over again is often interpreted as being a special sign from the universe or from spirit guides, or angels or any higher power that we hope to communicate with. As such, synchronicities can hold special meanging for the recipients. Very much like tarot, synchronicities have become a way to communicate with the unseen world of spirit and the subconscious.

⭐️ The word “synchronicity” actually hasn’t been around for that long. It was coined in the 1950’s by the psychologist Carl Jung to describe what he referred to as “meaningful coincidences”. I’ve linked some reading below if you’d like to learn some more about this. In a nutshell, Jung believed that a synchronicity was part of a deep and complex psychological process that could provide information on an individual’s subconscious and emotional experience. The idea that synchronicities were messages from Spirit guides, angels or deities was perhaps alluded to, but not explicitly part of Jung’s work.

⭐️ Today, we can use synchronicities as waymarkers of sorts. Think of them as the awake and conscious version of dream symbolism. Seeing something over and over again may trigger certain emotions or remind you of something important. The difficult thing about seeing repeating symbols everywhere is that no one else will be able to accurately interpret them for you. They are only meaningful because your mind has created emotional and/or sensory attatchments to them. For example, smelling vanilla might trigger someone’s memory of baking with grandma. This is an example of a sensory attachment that has meaning for an individual because the scent of vanilla is encoded into their memory by a particular experience.

🌟 What a synchronicity is:

A form of symbolism. Thinking through the lense of tarot, we can interpret synchronicities in a similar way. More on that in a bit. It’s important to keep in mind that all symbolism is subjective and individualistic. Because groups of people share culture and language, there is some general overlap (like a rose representing love), but the truest interpretation will always be a personal one.

An affirmation - Seeing synchronicities can affirm that we are in the right path or in the right place. They do this by helping us recall important experiences that remind us of certain qualities, goals or states that we want to achieve.

A message from Spirit, Angels or a Higher Power - This is the common belief. If your spiritual path includes some of these elements and you seek confirmation or messages through symbolism, then it’s possible that a synchronicity could be a message. This won’t be the case for everyone or all the time though. A message recieved through synchronicity or symbolism is also likely to be guidance or affirmation, rather than hard facts. We should always use our discernment when working with synchronicity in this way.

🌟 What a synchronicity isn’t:

A demand from Spirit, spirit guides or a higher power. You are never obligated do do anything when you notice synchronicities beginning to appear in your life. Instead, you can reflect on them. What might they mean in the moment that you notice them? What messages are they trying to convey.

A dire warning. Sometimes I see things floating around the internet about predicting death or serious illness, etc. These kinds of concerns are best addressed with a licensed medical professional. If you have a worry about something, seeing a synchronicity might prompt you to get it checked out with your doctor, but a synchronicty is not a diagnosis.

Universal. Synchronicities are unique and meaningful only to the recipient. While we can generalize and compare similar experiences to generate some possible interpretations, nothing will be truer than an individual’s own personal interpretation. Essentially, you know yourself best. No one else can tell you about your thoughts better than you. It is wise to use some caution here because it’s quite common for unscrupulous “psychics” to charge quite a bit of money to interpret synchronicities for other people. I’m not saying that all tarot readers and psychics who talk about synchronicities are scam artists, but there are definitely some who are. Be discerning in your selection if you go that route. Also be careful with symbolism dictionaries and interpretation guides. There’s nothing inherently wrong with them, but they may not be 100% accurate for you. If you are able to, it’s actually better (and cheaper) to create your own personal symbolism guide.

🌟 How to interpret synchronicities as symbolism.

Like tarot, symbols are a type of visual language. The most useful and meaningful interpretation is always going to be one that you create yourself. This isn’t a glamorous and magical answer, but it’s true. It also might take a bit of digging to uncover. Scott Cunningham’s book, Dreaming the Divine, outlines this process nicely for dream symbolims. I will briefly describe how to create your own personal symbolism dictionary here.

Think of what thoughts, emotions and/or physical sensations arise when you see a heart. Write this down. What words do you associate with “hearts”? Make a list and write those down too. Don’t worry if they don’t make sense. Write down everything that comes up.

Next, you’ll need to spend some time taking inventory of every time you see a heart. This doesn’t need to be fancy. You can even use the voice notes app on your phone. Every time you see a heart, make note of what you were doing and what you were thinking about in that moment. What emotions do you experience before and after noticing the heart. Write everything down.

Compare your notes from steps 1 and 2. Where do you see overlap? Make a venn diagram if this is is helpful. Otherwise, make a list. The places where both notes intersect is where you will find meaning.

🌟 Heart Symbolism

Sometimes we need a little boost to get started. I also recognize that you probably weren’t asking me to ramble on for a million years about synchronicities, and are hoping for some nice, solid info. (Sorry about that. I do have a tendency to go overboard in the explanation department.) Here are some of my personal interpretations of heart symbolism that I’ve put together after years of reading tarot. Please keep in mind that these might not work for everyone. Some are generalized and others are personal. You are welcome to use them if they resonate.

Hearts can represent: 💕

Love & Relationships

Something that you are passionate about

Something that is secret or guarded (close to the heart)

Someone’s innermost desires or feelings

A secret admirer

The core or foundation of something/the reason for something’s existence

Deeply felt or raw emotions

Connection and Empathy

Vulnerability or that someone is easily wounded by words. Sensitivity.

A wound. May be literal or metaphorical.

🌟 Sources & Links

Synchronicities: A Sure Sign You’re on the Right Path. An article from Psychology Today. Describes synchronicities as symbols of affirmation.

Synchronicity: Definition and Meaning. An article from Live Science. Goes into some of Carl Jung’s ideas and presents an opposing perspective.

Dreaming the Divine by Scott Cunningham - Not specifically about synchronicities, but addresses the subjectivity of symbolism and suggests that our own personal interpretations are more meaningful.

The Call of Intuition: How to Recognize & Honor Your Intuition, Instinct & Insight by Kris Franken - This book is about creating an empowering state of awareness for yourself and discusses how to follow the voice of your own intuition. A great starting point for anyone interested in developing stronger intuitive abilities.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression - Ep 45, radio version, August 2016 - Dobashi in Brazil, 'Crush the NHK' election broadcast, Shark movies.

Kaoru starts the show by commenting on how suntanned Joe looks. Joe says he attended Fuji Rock and got tanned. He spent three days watching live performances and had a great time. The weather was relatively mild, cool at night, no rain, so Joe says it was quite a 'comfortable' Fuji Rock. Joe asks Kaoru if he's getting a suntan yet. Kaoru says he hasn't got a tan at all. He has been spending all his time indoors song writing.

Kaoru then reminds listeners that its only three more days until the live special will be broadcast, and reads out the title of it again. Joe says its quite a rough sounding title. People will be intrigued by it. Kaoru then says he has recieved a message from Dobashi in Brazil, and proceeds to read it out..The message reads as follows: 'Hi to everyone at TFoE. Are you all well? Are you into 'Hiranabe Go'? (*Kaoru comments, 'We kinda are'*) At the time of this broadcast I am in the Southern hemisphere, in Rio de Janeio, Brazil. There may be people wondering why Tokyo Sports has come here. I've been requested to do Tokyo Sports style reporting here, but nothing dangerous enough to get us into trouble. Some of my articles are already published, so please, fans of Dir en grey, fans of Joe, fans of Kami, and fans of Hiranabe with thier butts out (*Did I get this right?? '平鍋の下半身出たファンの皆さん'...??😳*), please do go and pick up a copy of Tokyo Sports. There will also apparently be a live broadcast of this show on August 9th and I will join it from the other side of the world for just a little while. Security is so bad here, and I may be robbed during the broadcast, but I won't miss it! Everyone please listen'. Kaoru and Joe both say they are looking forward to it. Kaoru reckons it'll be about lunch time in Brazil when Dobashi joins them for the show. Just the kind of time he's likely to be busy with work.

Tasai joins them next, for the Tokyo Sports corner. Tasai goes back to the question of why Tokyo Sports is at the Olympics. He says that overseas, people see the word 'Tokyo' in Tokyo Sports, and often mistakenly assume that it must be the major sports newspaper in Japan (*It isn't actually considered a serious newpaper at all in Japan*). Once, when a Tokyo Sports journalist went overseas to report, a special reserved seat had been set up just for them. Kaoru says he can understand how such a misunderstanding could take place. If they, as Japanese people, heard of a newspaper with 'New York' in the title, they would assume it was pretty major. Tasai calls this, 'Tokyo Sports magic'. They laugh about how the people in Brazil might see Dobashi and think 'Wow, a Tokyo Sports reporter!', they probably assume he's rich.

Tasai's first news is about one of the contenders for the Tokyo Governor position, Tachibana Takashi, who represents the N Koku party (or The Party To Protect The People From The NHK). His election broadcast/pitch was pretty incredible, says Tasai. Joe watched it, so knows all about it, but Kaoru did not. Tachibana was originally an employee of NHK. He quit after leaking info about NHK's financial trouble to a gossip mag. When running for Tokyo Governor, he put out a 6 min televised election pitch, which was actually broadcast on NHK, in which he repeatedly called for the NHK to be destroyed. This has gained both supportive and critcal reactions from the public. NHK employees get a very high annual salary, which is paid for by the NHK fee imposed on the public. Even people with low incomes are hounded for this fee, which Tachibana thinks is questionable. In his pitch, Tachibana also raised the many crimes or wrongdoings which individuals related to NHK have been involved in, including the case of two NHK TV announcers who were having an affair, and were caught having sex in a car. Tachibana claims the NHK is trying to cover up this info. Kaoru wonders if Tachibana is holding some kind of grudge against the NHK.

Joe then mentions the documentary movie 'Candidates/立候補', which deals with the topic of bubble candidates in elections. This movie features Mac Akasaka who is also another bubble candidate in this Tokyo Governor election. Joe explains that a bubble candidate is a candidate who is not expected to recieve many votes (like Tachibana). He adds that in order to run in the election, any wannabe candidates have to first pay a fee of ¥3million. This is to try to avoid joke candidates from running, and to make sure the candidates who do run are doing so seriously. The movie in question deals with the idea of paying the fee whilst knowing you won't win, and the reasons for doing so. Joe says it may obviously just be for a bit of self promotion, but this is also actually a good way to put a message out to the public that would never normally get there through the mass media. At the same time, there is always the risk that you will come across as a joke, despite paying ¥3million. Its a risk you have to take if you run as a bubble candidate. Tasai adds that any candidate that recieves less than ten percent of the vote has to forfeit the money they paid. Joe says that most bubble candidates never clear this post, and they have the added burden of campaign costs. They may get a chance to speak out about what they want, but it costs. Tasai comments that criticizing the NHK publicly is actually a massive tabboo, so ¥3million is perhaps not so expensive if it means being able to say such things publicly. With the tv election pitch which all candidates get, you have 6 mins on national tv to speak the truth exactly as you see it. Tasai's favourite thing about Tachibana's pitch is that at the end of his speech, he proposed a kind of quiz asking viewers to guess how many times he had said, 'Crush the NHK!' during the last 6 mins.

Joe also mentions that the 6 min televised election pitch can also unfortunately be used as a means to deliver hate speech, which was seen in the pitch of candidate Sakurai Makoto, founder of the ultra-nationalist/far-right group Zaitokukai. Allowing candidates to speak thier mind directly comes with this risk. Joe then brings up the legendary election pitch by rock star Uchida Yūya, still available to watch on youtube today. (*Do check this out if you havn't already!*)

Tasai's next news is about the recent hit shark move, 'The Shallows' (Japanese title: Lost Vacation.), starring Blake Lively. The movie had quite a low budget, but has taken in huge amounts at the box office. Tasai asks Joe and Kaoru if they like shark movies. Joe says he knows someone at the Rolling Stone office who is a shark movie mega-fan. Shark movies have evolved a lot since 'Jaws', there are even movies about flying sharks etc out there now. Its proper b-movie territory. These days there is also a lot of shark merchandise, like shark backpacks etc.

Tasai goes on to say that shark movies are particularly popular with young women these days. The younger generations, particularly women, are not that interested in mainstream Japanese movies, but much more into horror etc. Kaoru didn't know that young women actually went out to watch movies much these days. Tasai says they apparently tend go as groups of three or so. Each of the three will then tweet to thier friends, and so popularity spreads. Kaoru comes to the realisation that women also actually like scary stuff. Tasai says (*I think*) that a scary movie is the place to go to find young women this summer, and Kaoru likens this to playing 'Hiranabe Go'.

To finish, Kaoru comes back to talk about the live special which will happen in 3 days. Joe admits a lot of his friends have asked him about it. After the last live boadcast, they all recieved a bit of a bashing. Kaoru doesn't know how it will turn out. Joe says they will look back over the last six months during it, and Kaoru adds that he will play some more of the new jingle entries for the last time. Finally, he plugs the Dum Spiro Spero tour and ends the episode.

Songs - Dir en grey/Lotus, ???/??? (*couldn't make this out*), Dir en grey/Utafumi

Back to radio top page

[mr-and-mr-diaz]

First off, you're an amazing person w/ gr8 blog. Second of all, I hope you don't mind me saying it? If it's weird or creepy, please, disregard. Don't want to make you uncomfortable. Third of all, I came to your tumblr from ao3 and specifically the pirate fic and ma'am (sir? Neither? Wanted to use honorific and "my kind dude tends to not be *that* universal, sadly). It. ROCKS. If by any chance you feel like continuing it, I'd be forever in debt. Also hope you don't mind reviews via anon tumblr? ♥

ANON!! My answer to this ask is so long overdue I literally have no words. When I first recieved this ask in my box I was warmed through--thank you so much for your kind words! I determined to myself I would NOT send an empty response, would only publish this with the chapter in hand!! And then life picked up like crazy and I never seemed to have a spare BREATH to sit down and write this AU well enough that it would be worth reading. AND NOW I FAINLLY HAVE IT!!! Two more chapters for ya, I really hope you enjoy!!

P.S. Also, I refuse to be called ANYTHING except My Kind Dude from now on, that is the best address ever! 

The Damned Disgrace--Buddie Pirate AU, Chapter 2

"Dios mio, you're useless."

Buck looked up from where he'd been struggling to swab the deck and met the glare of Captain Nash's angry first mate--Diaz, and sighed. He'd already been on the ship a fortnight, and while Chimney had fit right in, used to hard work and quickly picking up the vernacular of the other pirates, Buck stuck out like a sore thumb. He wasn't used to manual labor, having spent his life behind books and papers, and had no instinct for it. He tried, oh did he try so hard, but his clumsy hands struggled to complete work that someone else had to repeat later to make sure it was done right. And the pirates who didn't ignore him were usually laughing at him. What few acquaintances he'd made in his past life had been in academic circles. These men had no patience for or interest in unusual trivia about far away lands, or wonderings about what the world would be like if mankind lived under the water and fish lived on land. 

Buck was red with sunburn, blistered all over--on his back, his forearms, and face from sunburn, and his hands, fingers and feet from work. He ached everywhere. 

He looked away from Diaz and went back to stubbornly pushing the mop around the deck.

I won't be useless! I won't go overboard. I'm going to work hard and they'll help me find Maddie and bring her home! and if I get to shoot that thrice-damned Commodore Douglas too, well that would be a boon from God--

"Stop. Just stop."

Buck stopped, his heart sinking. He dared not look Diaz in the eye again, already knowing the derision and anger he would see there.

Sure the other pirates ignored him or laughed at him behind his back. But Diaz? Diaz detested him. This was the first time he'd ever spoken to Buck but definitely not the first time he'd loomed nearby, sneering at Buck's pathetic efforts to work as part of the team and fit in.

"We should've left you back at the port."

"What? No! No, I swear, I'm learning--"

"Learning what? How to smear muck around so someone else has to clean up after you? Again?" Diaz sneered, kicking at the mop. Buck's hands twitched around it, every blister flaring up painfully. Diaz's eyes caught it and he suddenly leaned forward. "Show me your hands."

"What...?"

"Show me!"

Buck carefully placed the mop against the rail of the ship and carefully unfolds his hands, wincing as the skin flares in pain with each motion.

"Dios...! Come with me."

"Wait, but I have to finish the--"

"NOW!"

***

Buck followed Eddie down into the ship, down down, past Buck's sleeping berth with the other sailors. 

Buck looked around in trepidation. Is he taking me to the bilge? To the brig? The bilge was full of seawater, the brig a confined, rat infested cell where only the most unfortunate went.

They kept walking.

"Uh, Diaz, I... I swear, I'll work harder, I just--please don't--"

"You're not working any more today." Diaz replied shortly and threw open a door. "Hen, I've got the cabron for you. Destroyed his hands and he thinks he's magical enough not to get gangrene or something. Can you fix him up?"

The woman inside raised her eyebrows. "You don't usually bring me people, Eddie." She was dressed like the rest of the sailors but her clothes were neater and better kept. 

"They aren't usually this stupid." Eddie growled. 

"I... sorry." Buck mumbled, defeated.

"Don't worry about this one. He's always angry about something." Hen chuckled, and Diaz's scowl deepened. "What's your name?"

"Ah, Buck. Well, Evan Buckley, but... just Buck is okay." He felt another twinge in his heart as he said it. It was Maddie who had named him Buck.

"Buck it is. Come sit and we'll have a look at those hands."

Buck chanced a sideways look at Diaz, who was still standing there, muscled arms crossed. "Is he...?"

"Eddie was just leaving, weren't you, Eddie?" Hen's tone brooked no argument, and to Buck's surprise, Diaz obeyed.

Buck sat and held his hands out. Now that he had a moment to focus on them they hurt even more, and he could feel some of the injuries oozing. "I'm sorry, I tried to-- but--" he stopped abruptly as he felt his throat thicken and his eyes started to wet. You are already the most pathetic creature on this ship, you will not make it worse by whining about it. Silently he held his hands out, head down. 

Hen sucked in a breath. "Eddie was right to bring you here. If you let these wounds get any more infected than they are and gangrene set in I might have to remove one or both of them."

Buck swallowed around a sob. As a teacher and writer, his hands were his life.

"I'll clean and wrap your hands for you." Hen continued softly. "That should be able to prevent it from getting worse, so long as you promise not to use them for the next few days and come down here every day for the next week so I can make sure they don't get worse. Okay?"

Buck nodded silently.

"Buck."

He looked up at Hen. She was wearing a kind smile and that was enough to completely undo him. A single tear slid down his cheek and he reached up a hand to stop it, but Hen wouldn't allow it. "I need to wrap these first." Her eyes and smile were all compassion. After two weeks in a foreign world with no friends on board it was a balm to Buck's soul. He kept his head bowed as she cleaned and wrapped, let the tears fall silently, unchecked. When she was done, she reached out a hand and clasped his shoulder. "The sailors are used to losing people and because you’re greener than most, they're expecting you to die. They don’t want to get close to someone they’re gonna lose. But if you stay alive they'll warm up eventually, don't fret it."

"Then.. why are you...?"

Hen snorted. "I walk to the beat of my own drum on this ship, Buck. Always have. And I've decided I like you, dumbass hand damage and all."

Buck sniffed. "Thanks."

Hen nodded. "Go to the captain and tell him that I've ordered light duty for you--no using your hands except to carry light objects. Errands only for you for the next two weeks."

"But Captain Nash said--if I'm not useful--"

Hen chuckled. "His bark is bigger than his bite. Besides, I'm pretty sure he's taken a liking to you too."

***

"Buckley."

"Uh, Captain. I... Hen, the doctor--" Buck choked off with a derisive snort at himself. Did I really just stop to explain to the captain who his doctor is? "Uh, she said I should tell you that I'm..." He held up his bandaged hands. "Light duty. Errands."

Captain Nash's face clouded and his brow furrowed as he took in the state of Buck's hands.

"But I swear, I'll be useful, I don't--please, don't throw me off the ship--"

"Buckley." One firm word and Buck silenced. "You'll rest today, and starting tomorrow you'll work as an errand boy around the ship. Messages, parcels, meals for sick crew. And anything Hen or I asks you to do, you do without question."

"I--yes. Yes, sir. Captain."

Nash looked up at him, his eyes showing the smallest glint of kindness. "A teacher's hands are his life's blood, Buckley. See to it you take care of them." Nash turned to gaze out the window of his office and sighed. "If you're very lucky, you'll need them sooner than you think."

Buck's pulse heightened. "Are we near Commodore Douglas's ship, sir?"

Captain Nash sighed. "Not as close as I’d like to be." He turned back to Buck. "Dismissed."

Buck nodded and left for his hammock.

Chapter 3

The next day he showed up bright and early at Captain Nash's office only to be sent down to Hen. Hen took one look at him and started loading a crate with various medicines and infusions, talking rapidly. For each bottle, Hen explained what it was, who it was for and why. Buck paid careful attention so he could keep up. Rote memorization and processes? He was back in his comfort zone.

"...garlic and chamomile for Wes, he ate something at port that we're still trying to get out of him. Then cat's claw for Lea, her knuckles are hurting her again. And that's all." Hen hesitated, thinking for a moment. Then she mumbled something under her breath before grabbing a few more vials. "Actually, got a few more. These are to be dropped off outside Eddie's quarters." 

"Diaz? What are they for?"

"Eddie knows what to do with them." No further explanation came and Buck nodded at the dismissal and left, running around the ship to deliver the medicines to each ailing person. When he arrived at last outside Diaz's door, he paused, looking over the bottles. It made no sense to be bringing so much medicine to Diaz’s quarters. Buck had seen him just this morning, looking as healthy as ever, muscles rippling while he hauled canvas with the men. What is this for? Buck shook his head to clear the thoughts--no use risking his newfound equilibrium by prying. He hastily dropped the bottles outside Diaz's door, knocked and departed.

He followed this routine for the next week, deviating at times in the afternoon to run errands for the captain. But every morning started the same--Hen dropping several bottles and vials into a box for him to deliver around the ship and he running around as fast as he could to get it done quickly and efficiently. Each time, he would find himself hesitating outside Diaz's door, awash with curiosity at what the medicine could possibly be for. It wasn't hard to puzzle out the various vials, even though Hen hadn't identified them. Some were the same bottles he delivered elsewhere, others he recognized from his studies. Willow bark, cat's claw and ginger--pain relief.Chamomile, dried cherry, valerian, and peppermint--muscle relaxers. It was a mighty amount of herbs for the average aches of a day's work even as strenuous as the work Diaz did. 

So who is it for? Buck wondered again as he approached Diaz's door to drop off the bottles. He had just turned to leave when he heard a thump on the inside of the office followed by a yelp of pain.

Good God, that's a child. There's a child in there!

Horrible images came to the forefront of Buck's mind as he imagined why Diaz might be holding a child prisoner. A child who would require so much pain relief. His skin paled in horror and he dropped the box.

I need to help! But his hands were still tightly bandaged and the door was latched shut from the inside. Buck thumped against it with his shoulders to no avail. The sturdy wood would not give.

If only I could unlatch it from the outside... Then he had an idea. He picked up one of the envelopes he was delivering for Captain Nash. It was thin but strong. Carefully, he eased it between the door and the latch, pressing the envelope between his bandaged hands to keep his grip. 

With a click the latch came free and the door swung open.

Buck braced himself for what he might see and ventured inside, closing the door behind him.The room looked like the captain's, if smaller and simpler. Diaz's bed was neatly made, and soaked in sun from the window. His desk was neat and cleared off. The room was empty.

But I heard a child, I know I did!

Buck started looking around, when he heard a whimper of pain from the direction of the desk. Quickly he hastened over and pulled out the desk chair.

There, curled in the desk well and looking nothing like the skinny, dirty, or abused waif Buck had expected, lay a child. He looked clean and healthy, if in pain. He regarded Buck with large terrified eyes, his hair clean and curling every which way.

He was adorable. And as sure as grass was green, he was Diaz's own child.

So what is he doing hidden away in here?

The child whimpered again, obviously still in pain and Buck lurched away, back toward the bottles and vials he'd brought from Hen. "Here, let me help you, Hen sent me with a bunch of..." He fumbled with the bottles, pulling out the chamomile and the willow bark. "Here, this should help." The child shied away from him, curling deeper into the desk well with awkward jerky movements that only seemed to hurt him more.

"Oh God, please let me help, here, let me..." Buck backed up far away to give the child room and then gently pushed the vials at him. "Here. They're directly from Hen, don't worry. I haven't opened them or anything. See?" The child looked between Buck and the bottles, but didn't say anything.

"And--here, I'm leaving okay? Nothing to be afraid of, I'll leave you so you can climb out of that desk. It looks--God, you look like you're hurting so badly, is there anything I can do to help?"

The child still didn't respond, only regarded Buck with the same terrified eyes and Buck took it as his cue. He hastened to his feet and hurried to the door, away from the room. He was about to step out when he heard the child gasp and whimper again. He froze. 

The child won't let me near him, but I can't leave him like that. 

Diaz! Diaz can help him!

"I'm going to go and get your father, okay?" Buck took another step toward the door.

"Don't!" A small plaintive voice called, and Buck paused again.

"I can't just leave you like this... Wait, did your father do this to you??"

"No, no!" came the small cry. "He's the best papa ever. And..." the child paused then continued in a stronger voice. "He'll kill you if he finds out you know about me."

Buck's body froze in place. "Surely not--" The child cried out again, and Buck hastened back to the desk. The child was panting now, but still wouldn't move. "Oh, for the love of God, please let me help you!"

"Can't... don't... trust... you." Christopher panted in between pained gasps.

"Oh God, please--" Buck's voice broke and he felt himself start to cry. "I can't--you're hurting. You... I was a schoolteacher before I got onto this ship, I love kids, I swear I just want to help, please!" He reached out his bandaged hands toward the child. "Look, see? I couldn’t hurt you even if I wanted to! I--I swear I won't tell anyone about you on this ship, I'll never speak to you again. Just let me help you settle yourself more comfortably, you need to take some herbs for the pain..." He was blubbering now, his view of the child obscured by tears. He tensed as he felt small hands grasp around his bandaged hands.

"Please help." The boy whimpered.

He sobbed in relief and crooked his wrapped hands so they became large hooks to grip the child and carefully, oh so carefully pulled him out of the desk well. By this time he heard the child begin to cry as well, still on the floor. Buck quickly swiped his eyes with his threadbare sleeve to clear them. "There now, that's a bit better, I'm sure. Let's get you settled into the bed and I'll mix some medicine with water to relieve the pain.”

Buck carefully lifted the child, who whimpered at being jostled. Carefully he laid the boy on Diaz's neatly made bed and hastened back to the bottles and vials, pulling corks out with his teeth and pouring a the various powders into a tin cup. He filled the cup the rest of the way with water from a pitcher on the small wash stand and stirred it to mix before offering the cup to the child.

But the boy only shook his head, crying more."Don't want it. It tastes h-horrible." The child's big eyes were red from crying and Buck's heart broke.

"Oh, shh, there there. Yeah, I won't lie to you, it’s going to taste pretty bad. But once you drink it, you'll stop hurting so much and then you can relax and sleep or play." Buck clumsily rested a wrapped hand in the child's hair.  "How's that sound?"

Still the child shook his head.

"Okay, how about this?" Buck took a theatrical sniff and wrinkled his nose. "I'll drink some and then you have to drink the rest, okay?" None of the ingredients were harmful to someone who wasn't in pain. "Deal?"

The boy looked at him, surprised. “Really?” Buck nodded and the boy sighed. "Deal."

Buck grinned, then made a big show of sniffing the contents of the glass. "Ohh blurggh," he shuddered theatrically, and heard the slightest huff from the bed. "Oh boy, here we go." He took a sip then screwed up his face and shook it rapidly back and forth like a dog. "Heaven and earth, but that's awful!" The child giggled and Buck continued with his performance, making gagging noises and funny faces. "You must be the strongest kid I know to drink this every day."

"That's what Papa says, too." The boy smiled.

"Well, he's right. I don't think I can handle any more." Buck made one more funny face and the boy laughed again. "Okay, you ready? I'll count to five, and then you drink it all as fast as you can, okay?"

The child hesitated. "How much is five?"

Buck turned to him, eyes wide. "You don't know...?" Then he paused. No use making the boy feel bad for something that wasn’t his fault. Besides, this was Buck's specialty. "Five is a number, you'll see. I'm going to count a few numbers, and when I say five you drink that down as quickly as you can so you barely taste it, okay?"

The boy nodded. "Okay." 

"One, two, three, four... five, go!"

With Buck's clumsy assistance, the child drank down the mixture, screwing up his face just like Buck did. "Urgh."

Buck laughed. "I think you made a funnier face than I did." The boy reminded Buck of his own students. He missed children, their bright-eyed optimism, their enthusiasm for exploring the world around them. "I hope I don't die for meeting you, kid. You're just about the nicest person on this entire ship."

The child smiled. "Christopher."

Buck returned his grin and held out a bandaged hand. "Nice to meet you Christopher. I'm Buck." Christopher reached out in jerky movements and shook Buck's hand, both of them giggling at how clumsy the exchange was.

"I hope you don't die either, Buck." It seemed that the medicine was starting to work. Christopher was relaxing and his smile wasn't edged with quite so much pain anymore.

"In that case, I should probably run before your father finds me. those big strong hands of his would tear me in half like paper." Buck stood, patting Christopher on the head once more before turning away.

"...Buck?"

"Hm?" He turned back. The boy was starting to fall asleep. 

"Can... Can you come back and visit me again?"

What a terrible idea. "Of course, Christopher." Buck rummaged up a brave smile. "I'd love to see you again." An idea occurred to him suddenly and he straightened his shoulders. "I'll even teach you how to count to five all by yourself if you want?"

The boy's tired eyes lit up. "Yes. Yes please..." His eyes slipped closed and he fell asleep.

Buck smiled, feeling warmed for the first time in weeks. Carefully he gathered the scattered items for the rest of his errands and slipped from the room, latching it behind him.

[cham-chammity]

Hey, everybody. I'm just gonna have this post be some kind of rant or word vomit thing, I guess TW for emotional/mental distress? I don't know.

Anyways, I apologize to those who's messages are sitting left on read in my DM's and to those who have asks sitting in my ask box unanswered. I struggle really hard with getting back to people or answering them. I feel really bad because I'll ghost someone because it takes too much mental energy to text or reply to them, I even ghost people without even realizing it. It makes me feel so, so bad--I promise I don't want to ghost or ignoring anyone. It's just a constant struggle for me.

I've also lately been having a really hard time with my emotions. I experience intense, prolonged amounts of emotion such as sadness or excitedness. The experiening sadness part has been much worse for me lately. I also am having such a hard time with doing school work, and it's only been two weeks since school started up again. I'm already behind on homework with some classes and I'm freaking out because I don't want a repeat of last school year. Last school year I was unmedicated for my depression amd anxiety so it was a literal living hell. I'm so goddamn scared I'm going to somehow go through all of that again. Hell, my mom is already on my ass about some "missing assignments" I have and I just cannot deal with this.

You see, my anxiety and depression was worse than ever last year. Because of that they heavily masked my ADHD symptoms. Now that I am back to how I normally function, I'm realzing now how much my ADHD really affects my day to day life. And it's so goddamn stressful. My mom won't let me go on medication due to quite a few reasons I don't feel like explaining right now--but if it means I can get tasks done and actually be able to regulate my emotions like a goddamn normal person, I want to try it out. I do however regularly drink caffeine since it is a self-medicating way to help treat ADHD, but it certainly isn't enough.

And what's worse about all of this going on is, whenever I reach out, people always say "omg that's so me too!" "Ugh I can relate" "i have trouble with x and y too hahaha!" And it makes me so goddamn fucking mad.

No, you dont know what I mean. You cant relate. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IM EXPERIENCING. why?? Because if you did, you'd empathise with me and take me seriously and not jokingly laugh while you explain why its so "hard" for you to do something that doesnt even relate to what im talking about all while by default sayinf "oh same lmao". Also, most of the people I reach out to about this arent neurodivergent like me. ADHD makes things x10 harder than what youre experiencing. Im sick of the bullshit responses I recieve whenever I talk about my struggles.

I know I talk a lot about ADHD on my page, but I usually only ever adress the silly, stupid, minor stuff. The surface level stuff. Im gonna be honest, ADHD sucks. Its not some personality trait that makes someone extra quirky and cute. It legit makes life so much fucking harder. And so many people in real life I talk to about this dont fucking realize that.

Anyways, I just needed to get that all out of my brain. Thank you so much to those who read through the whole thing.

Please be patient with me, and I know there's quite a few people who follow me that are neurodivergent as well, so some of you here probably know exactly what Im talking about. But all in all if i ever take awhile to respond to something or my actual response is weak and short, please please please know it's not that I dont like you or arent interested in what you have to say.

Thanks everyone, I love you all :)

[moonlight-yuyu]

Personalised Ship Request 🌷

Hi! Can I request a personalised ship with ENHYPEN and BTS? 💕 (with explanation if possible). Thank you for your time 😄✨ 

~ I’m a typical ENFP, so I’m a looooot like Sunoo. Except for the general idol qualities, but just as people, I’m literally a younger and female version of Sunoo lol 🤭 

~ I’m super expressive and honest about my emotions and feelings. I wouldn’t say I’m exactly bold but most people would consider me to be direct when it comes to emotional situations. I rely a lot on my heart for important things rather than my mind though I’ve to say I’m really indecisive. I actually have a lot of Libra traits ♎ (it’s my ascending sign!) 

~ I’m affectionate and I love it when my affections are reciprocated and valued. In relationships (both friendships and romantic), I value sincerity, trust, honesty and comfort the most! 🤗 

~ I’m pretty lazy physically but my mind is hyperactive and I have a lot of thoughts and opinions. I have flexible views and I’m always up for discussion and debate about topics I like and know about. I’m super curious so I always ask a lot of questions and wonder about even unusual things. 🤔 

~ I love doing thoughtful gestures and receiving them back. I believe we all need love and happiness to thrive, so why not spread it in our surroundings! ❤️ 

~ I have many interests though I’m not deeply invested in anything now (I’m still a high schooler). My favourite hobbies are reading stories and sometimes writing them too! I’m very interested in fields of psychology and medicine though I’m yet to explore them. I also have a new found interest in learning various skills (atleast the basics) to fulfill my curiousity and develop my skillset. ✌🏼 

~ ideal type : I’ve no experience in dating irl but I have a soft spot for “looks like a bad boi but is actually a soft boi on the inside” kind of person! I want balance, like someone who can be rough yet soft depending on the situation, someone who could melt my heart but also set in on fire! If I try to describe them through songs, I’d say a mix of Fever and Heartbeat + Euphoria and Serendipity. Looks wise, I don’t really care as long as we get along well.

Thank you so much for requesting I hope you’ll like it!  and take good care of yourself !☀️✨ If you like to talk about psychology feel free to message me I’ve just got my first degree in psychology 💖

In Enhypen I’ll ship you with:

Sunghoon🤍 or Jay 🤍 I don’t wanna say it but I gotta say it: I mainly chose him because you said that you’re like sunoo and we all know sunghoon is a sucker for sunoo 😂 but after thinking about it for a bit longer I chose Jay mainly because of your description of your ideal type. For me Jay first seems like a “bad boi” but he is such a kind hearted person who likes to take care of his loved ones 🥺 He would give you all the love and attention you’ll need but he would also love it to recieve it back <3 I also think that Jay would like it that you’re direct especially with your emotions. I don’t see him as someone who would like someone who hide around bushes all the time. All in all he would adore you so much especially your personality (you sound like such a cute person for real tho 🥺)

In BTS I’ll ship you with:

Jungkook 🤍 I mainly chose him because of your ideal type (I’m sorry 😂) I’m not to familiar with BTS personality but I had him in mind immetiately! He would adore your personlity so much AND he would adore you so much when you talk about the things you like 🥺 sorry that this is so short if you want a longer explanation feel free to message me and I’ll do some more research!

I hope you’ll like it and feel free to request again 💙🦋

[pretty-rad-arson-dad]

Hey guys so, about the whole situation that had happened with me being fasley accused of being a pedo, I said I'd make a post telling our side of the story (cause this involves so much more than me and them) and involves about 10 other people.

Also, ahead of time, sorry if this is messy, I just really don't know how to make these kinds of posts to clear things up? Explaining things like this is not something I'm good at. I was also going to post this sooner, but stuff in my persona life happened, and I've also received threats from this person's friends if I tried to come forward with my side of the story (or more like made anymore posts about it, as there's already a whole call-out post about them on Instagram, which I'll be showing later). After some debate, I actually realized it would probably be best if I actually did, just to get a warning out, even though I know there's a chance this won't be recieved well cause this is fucking Tumblr... And again, I'm just trying to tell our side of the story and warn others so the same doesn't happen to them. Also because I do believe this guy might have a Tumblr account and might try to seek out more people to abuse. I sure as hell know one of his friends who helped stalk us have a Tumblr though.

So, the person making the accusations was someone who joined my discord server, and at the time of joining, he was saying that he was of age. Several members on the server can vouch for me when I say this. Of course, in regards to him telling us he was of age, this is apparently something he failed to mention when he decided to make that callout conveniently enough. I'm still unsure of what his actual age is, wether he actually lied to us about being an adult when he joined the server or if he was lying when he claimed to be a minor in his callout. 

Anyways, sometime after he joined the server, he started to become a problem. Me, being an idiot and feeling bad for him, allowed his behavior to slide, though I didn't know the full extent of what he was doing til a bit later.

He would constantly talk about how he was being abused and we'd try and help him with advice, which he never really listened to, and if anyone on the server mentioned that they had done something fun or had a great time doing something that day, he'd go off and make us feel guilty for having fun, cause his at home life was shit and apparently if he wasn't happy, we couldn't be either. He actually tried to pull some shit while I was celebrating my birthday with my family. This kinda becomes a bit important later? Or at least the day becomes important later.

He's also known as kind of a pathological liar on the server, claiming that they one of the official FNAF artists (one who doesn't exist, btw), and start rumors about YouTubers and other people we liked, and whenever I'd ask for proof, they'd get all defensive. This itself isn't a big deal, except he also has the tendancy to start rumors that people are pedos if he gets into a heated argument with said person. It's actually happened when one of my friends said he didn't feel comfortable with people shipping things between adults and children. This caused a giant argument to erupt and I had to temporarily boot said friend from the server. At this time, my accuser then decided to make accusations that the friend of mine was a pedo because he... Didn't like people shipping adults and children.... Of course, we told him to cut the bullshit and stop causing rumors.

Now, keep in mind, they got upset over someone being grossed out by shipping adults and children.

This becomes a bit important later.

We ended up having a few other problems with them as time went on, them critizing other members AUs (well, more along the lines of bullying them for their AUs and projects), more guilt tripping and at one point, even bragging about pushing someone to suicide (at least that's what 2 of the other server members are telling me, I can't confirm this, as it seems it happened during a period I had no internet, and there's a good chance they might have deleted it, but do feel free to take this with a grain of salt). 

Eventually, he actually ended up leaving the server for good because of Tupperbot. Adding the stupid bot was the second best decision I've ever made in regards to him, honesty.

However, for a lot of us, the main tipping point was the roleplays and private DMs.

He loved to roleplay some pretty fucked up shit with a lot of people on the server. We've actually had one member as young as 11 come forward and say he had tried to do shit with them too. Keep in mind, he told us he was an adult when he joined. He would love to roleplay all sorts of weird, incestous and pedophilic shit with us, and would force it on us out of the fucking blue. Another thing worth mentioning, me and a few others are victims of childhood sexual abuse and rape. He CONSTANTLY put this shit in most of the roleplays he did with no regard to how triggering it was for some of us. We never even got a warning or an ask if it was okay to have something like that put in a roleplay. Some members spoke to him about their discomfort involving the shit he was putting in the roleplays, but it was disregarded and he'd continue to do it. Some of us were even so scared to say anything about it, as we were afraid he'd lash out at us and threaten us, so we just put up with it. 

Aside from the roleplays were the really weird direct messages he'd sometimes send. There were times someone would be venting (this would happen in the server as well) and he'd respond with that they had no reason to be upset and that he's been through much worse. There would also be times when someone would be feeling depressed, and he'd make these private little group chats to try and "intervene" by inviting a few of us in there with the said person. This would be fine on its own, but he always made it a point to invite one person that we've REPEATEDLY had to tell him not to invite. I'll call this person Wah, cause I don't want to cause them any more stress by exposing their account name. Wah was someone we've told him not to invite because she was, at the time, experiencing a lot of suicidal idealations and we were worried putting her in a situation like this where one of her friends was feeling like killing themselves and her having to help to talk them down would be the sort of thing to set her off into hurting herself. We obviously didn't want that, so we made it a rule not to ever get Wah involved. Accuser knew this and went and always invited Wah anyways. And would shrug it off whenever we'd go off and remind him of Wah's own mental health issues. There has also been at least one instance with them and another user, who was feeling suicidal. They mentioned they had been wanting to kill themselves and accuser went off about how if they killed themself, accuser would kill themself too. This obviously scared the shit out of this person and made them feel more awful.

And there of course, is the shit they did to me. They'd sometimes randomly flip out on me in my DMs out of literally fucking no where, and purposely trigger my PTSD.

There's more, but I can't remember all of it because just so much went on.

Anyways, sometime after they left the server, people began coming forward with their experiences with accuser, telling all that he'd been doing in DMs, and mentioning his prior behavior on the server. We started venting about the way he had been treating us in the vents chat because well, we figured if we couldn't try to talk to him about his behavior, at least we could vent amongst ourselves. Apparently he had actually made a few friends on the server and they let him know we were talking about him.

Fast forward to my birthday celebration and I'm getting DMs from him. They start our fine enough but eventually he suggests we start a thing where we mention one positive thing that's happened to us each day. Cool, a fine idea on it's own, but as I've mentioned above, he's had the tendancy to make us feel like shit for having anything cool and fun in our lives, so of course me, and a few other people who apparently had received the same message, were hesitant.

I left him on read to think about it and also because, again, I was celebrating my birthday and I was about to blow out the candles on my cake and open gifts.

I don't remember all of what went down, and I don't seem to have access to the Instagram DMs anymore since I have him blocked on there too, but eventually, I received a message of him flipping out because he knew about our vents. I believe I might have ended up calling him out and telling him exactly why we were doing it, but I can't remember. This happened back in May so the memory is a bit fuzzy and I don't have the DMs anymore.

All I know is that most of the members of the server decided to cut him off.

After that, he tried to tell Wah I wasn't who I seemed to be and attempted to ruin our friendship, made several accounts to stalk the Instagram accounts of serveral other of the server members and I, and then we ended up having to kick a few of their friends from the server cause they were starting to cause trouble.

Then there was silence for a bit.

And then there was the incident. They had gotten a (at the time former) friend of ours involved by lying and manipulating them into believing I was doing all sorts of nasty shit. The friend, who I'm going to call Pasta, ended up bringing that stuff over to Tumblr, unaware that they had been lied to. I'm not sure if it was Pasta who reached out to us, or if it was one of us who reached out to Pasta, but we ended up telling them what was going on, and somehow, accuser found out, and accused them of being a traitor and freaked out on them. They admitted that accuser was responsible and we ended up making up.

I've also since then had some of accusers former friends come to me and tell me about the call-out, further confirming that it was them who started all this as a way to try and get back at me.

And, since of course some obligatory proof is required, I shall provide these call-out posts with some screenshots. And you can even see in the comments we're far from the only ones who have dealt with them.

These aren't the only things from them, obviously, but considering the fact that we've all now got them blocked and some of us have even deleted the DMs (because tbh, most of us thought that cutting them off would be the last of it), this is what we currently have.

Anyways, thanks for reading this long ass mess. Hope y'all stay safe.

[garetthawke]

and literally as someone who (like everyone else at that time,) was a fan of john green's books as a teenager...y'all literally never read them and hate them based on your assumptions from reading the synopsis and seeing that the author is an adult man.

are his books above criticism? absolutely not. but the valid parts to criticize are, frankly, never the things i see people calling out. i only ever see his books reduced to a bunch of bullshit assumptions that aren't even close to being true.

paper towns wasn't the manic pixie dream girl romance, it was a deconstruction of that genre that undermined teenage boys' obsessions with girls and their projections onto them, breaking down the idea that you can love someone by holding onto your idea of them without ever really knowing them. the literal end of the book is the "manic pixie dream girl" shutting down the affections of the lead character, telling him he literally doesn't know her, and forcing the reader to realize the romanticized image of her was entirely the perspective you were reading that was all in this kid's head as he obsessed over her.

and yet after the movie trailer dropped, literally the ONLY criticism i saw was "ugh john green has manic pixie dream girl fantasies about teenagers" like hello???? what??? use your fucking brains

and the fault in our stars, while definitely the book that recieves the most fair criticism, also gets some of the most UNfair as well.

please tackle to hell parts like the leading couple kissing at the anne frank museum, bc ugh. but like? do not fucking complain about this book for being a romanticization of cancer or depression.

this book was my absolute FAVORITE as a teen, because i was struggling so deeply with depression, completely alone, and it made me feel seen and understood for the first time in my LIFE. the exploration of depression in it is so on point and personally relatable, i cried my way through most of the book not just because the contents were sad, but because i realized i was not alone in the feelings I've had.

and as someone who has watched multiple family members pass after a long battle with cancer...this book also gets down into some of the ugly truths of what it looks like.

and i don't think that was well recieved, because while doing all that, the book wasn't a hopeless, bleak, "life is pointless pain" message at all, which is what i think people tend to demand out of "realism."

but the point of the book was the yes, life can be ugly and painful and unfair, but you can still Love in the midst of all that, and find incredible purpose in that in the time you are here. and that is ao fucking far from romanticization - it is finding the joy in life that is something to cling to when you are at your lowest.

and that was an incredibly powerful, important thing to tell people, and it really was a an encouragement to me when i was suffering the most.

and the book mostly, to this day, gets belittled because people think some of the lines are pretentious and cheesy (nevermind that they mostly come from a teenage boy, and oh yeah teenage boys are never either of those things. /s)

and idk. it just. annoys me very, very deeply that john green is one of the most outspoken and supportive (verbally AND financially,) of minorities as a very privileged cishet white male celeb, and people refuse to listen to any of the points he makes or good things he says, and assume the actual worst. projecting that shit onto him bc he's a privileged man...doesn't help minorities?? at all???? maybe YOU feel good about yourself, but those of us that would actually benefit from john green's support are left to deal with MORE negativity coming at us from the fake accusations of it than if you would just fairly listen to his supportiveness...

and even like the infamous cock post from years back? yeah that shit wasn't funny AT ALL. the brothers are some of the few privileged white men I've seen to be so supportive of LGBT people, and yet the big joke that "bullied" john on here was seemingly implying that john being gay was embarrassing and funny. that kind of joke is usually rooted in the humor that the person in question IS homophobic and actually upset at being seen as gay, but john is?? an ally??? so where is the joke. how is the joke not "haha it's funny to make a gay post about a straight man"?? how am i, a gay person, supposed to read that "humor" and not think my sexuality is the butt of the joke? especially when it's specifically at someone who supports my sexuality?

you can mock john green all you want, but it's 2021, no one should be believing it's some sort of "woke" humor. you don't have a higher moral ground for it.

[multifics-canary]

Marinette's New Shield ch. 3

Ch.1 ch.2

A/n: guys thank you so much for waiting patiently on this :'D it means a lot!!! Fair warning, it's a cliffhanger. Enjoy! I dont own miraculous ladybug

Marinette was exhausted. Ruby had almost been Akumatized hours ago, but managed to not turn and keep the akuma. After that whole ordeal, she had told Chloe to take the girl home to rest. The plan she had to expose Lila was practically gold, but it also involved practically destroying the ladyblog.

Alya worked so hard for that, she would be crushed.

And yet it wouldn't have been such a problem if she checked her own sources and asked Ladybug herself. The Culpa siblings practically spoke in her head, shielding her mind from all the negative things. Ruby seemed younger than Felix, almost the same age as Adrien, but she was fsr more mature in every way. If Marinette didn't recieve the miraculous, she would bet Ruby would've gotten it.

Speaking of which.

"Tikki?" The young girl called out to the red kwami, surprised by the silence. A few seconds passed, before the little red blur appeared before her. "Tikki! I got worried you were captured or something."

The little god giggled, kissing her chosen's cheek. "I was just out getting a bit of fresh air. You should check on your friend. You don't know what effects the akuma does, especially if she was still touched by the akuma."

"You're right." The noirette said, going to stand up, only to hear her phone buzz with a text. Looking at her kwami, she picked up the phone, seeing that it was a message from Marc.

Marc 1:34pm: hey mari. I know we havent talked in a bit, I went on a family trip and got really sick coming back. I was talking to Nath about all of us meeting and reviewing the next comic to publish, but he says some girl named Lila told him that she could talk to a famous writer-- who's dead mind you-- about helping us publish it. Nath was also skeptical, given that I told him the writer was dead. Nath wants to verfiy something with you, so is it cool if we meet up tomorrow? Sorry for the long text.

Marinette read and reread the text. Nathaniel wasn't one of the active Lila worshippers, but believed it to some degree. But thanks to Marc, she was probably going to get a friend back. She held back tears as she stared at the text, feeling Tikki hug her cheek.

"Marinette its okay. Let it out." The little kwami said softly. And for the first time since Lila came back, Marinette cried, letting go of all the stress she's held.

Losing her friends.

Being called a bully.

...Having someone believe her.

For the first time in a while, Marinette cried for herself.

°·°·°·°·°·°·°

Ruby laid down on her bed, soft music playing on her speakers as she wrote to her brother, not leaving out any detail of the plan and asking what should be changed.

After sending the email, because her brother liked to keep it professional, she moved her laptop, opting to grab a book and read. Stretching, she stood from her bed and went the small shelf she had and grabbed a book, only to throw it in a direction when she felt someone in the room. She turned, seeing Ladybug smile at her while holding the book in her hand.

"Ladybug, I didn't expect you to arrive." Ruby said, raising an eyebrow at the heroine. The spotted hero just smiled, walking over and handing the book.

"I wanted to check up on you. Though it has been a few hours since you were almost Akumatized, there could be some effects that could happen later." Ruby nodded, going over to her bed. She sat on the edge and gestured for Ladybug.

"It would also be a bit suspicious if Ladybug came to someone's place in the middle of the day if there wasn't an akuma." The girl crossed her arms, seeming relaxed. But Ladybug knew Ruby was still a bit on edge.

"How are you feeling, honestly?" Ladybug asked, staring at Ruby. The girl in question sighed, looking down.

"A bit shaken. I know magic affects how you look and sound, but with Hawkmoth it was different. I know him, I'm almost positive about it. But I can't bring myself to get any evidence without hurting people I care about. I've always been able to have a sixth sense on everything, that's why they called me the more sensible one out of me and my brother." Ruby explained, fiddling with her sleeve.

Ladybug was in shock. Ruby probably knew who Hawkmoth and could possibly end this terror on Paris. But she knew she can't force her to reveal anything. Instead, she opted to listen, thinking that she could possibly a good holder in some near future, if she talked to Fu about it.

"I don't know if you know Marinette," Ruby started, grabbing Ladybug's attention, "but she's a good person in a bad situation. The tones she gives off are both spring and storm and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if that storm came to prove everyone wrong. All I want to do is help her."

"The plan will work, Ruby." Ladybug said, smiling softly as she placed a hand over Ruby's, causing the girl to look up. "Sure it'll take a bit more time, but talk it out with those you trust. Chat Noir and I will back you up as well." The young Culpa relaxed, eyes shinning brightly as she stared at ladybug.

"Thank you Ladybug."

"Of course."

°·°·°·°·°·°·°

Next day

"Rubes!" Ruby looked up to see Lila walk over to her, a sweet smile on her face, though her eyes held a dangerous glint. In the distance, she saw Alya and the other mindless sheep stare, as if encouraging Lila to talk with her.

The girl sighed, closing her notebook and standing up, just as Lila reached her. "Hey Rubes. The others encouraged me to talk to you about Adrien. So I was hoping we could compromise." She said sweetly, but Ruby could feel the bad air around her.

"How about we talk about this in a more private location. That way we're not interrupted." Ruby narrowed her eyes as she spoke softly, gesturing for Lila to walk first. A scowl replaced the girl's fake smile and she walked forward. The young Culpa looked back and saw Adrien stare at her in worry, standing next to Chloe and Marinette, who wore the same expressions.

Make amends, Adrien. I'll be back in one piece. She stared at them for a bit more, offering a small smile before walking off with Lila.

They entered a quiet room, Ruby fumbling with her phone before putting in her front pocket, just as Lila turned around. "I don't know what kind if game you're playing, but let me make this clear, Adrien is mine. And I'll ruin you just like I did to that baker girl." Lila sneered, her glare practically murderous. But Ruby wasn't effected.

In fact, Ruby smirked, walking forward confidently to the girl and watching as she lost her edge began stepping back. Her back hit the wall and she started to panic as Ruby placed a hand on the wall next to her head. "Oh sweetheart, I'm not playing any games. I said it before when I said Adrien is like a brother to me. If only you stopped your lies, maybe you would have a chance. And if you played for the other team." Ruby said cheekily, leaning forward. She watched as Lila pale before blushing madly, pushing Ruby off of her.

Ruby just composes herself, her eyes turning cold as she stared at Lila. "You had you're chance to apologize. Keep the sheep for all I care. Before I leave, I'll make sure Marinette gets the attention she deserves. She's not someone you can manipulate to suicide, unlike those in your last school." She paused, seeing the color drain from Lila soon hearing that.

"And Adrien is not a prize for you to win. You claim to have all these connections to famous people. But none of them check out. Especially since you claim to be friends with those who were dead long before you were born."

"So what if I lied?! They'll believe anything I say! Its not my fault that girl killed herself for having other bully her! They just wanted to hear interesting tales--"

"And yet, it was you who whispered the lies in their ears. Just like you're doing now. With connections such as yours, you would be smart to think about what you say. Before this, I was told that Marinette was almost gone and that you've caused at least 4 akumas to go after her. Not to mention that you willingly have been Akumatized."

"How do you know all this?!" Lila shrieked, her face red and she balled her hands into fists. Ruby gave an unimpressed stare, crossing her arms.

"A real reporter checks the facts. There were cameras around Paris, and unlike the ladyblog, my blog is backed up by a big company. Alya is lucky I'm not blacklisting her blog for false information. Not yet anyways." She turned, ready to walk out, when she stopped, glancing back at the fuming girl.

"And claiming to be friends with Ladybug of all people, when you knowingly want her dead, is putting a big target on your head. Plan all you want to call me out, I'll be waiting for the extremes you to achieve that." With that, she left the room. Lila fummed on the spot, wondering how a brat like Ruby knew so much.

I'll make sure everything you say is a lie, Ruby.

Ruby took out her phone from her pocket, smiling at the recording before saving it and making a copy of it. She walked back to her spot, hearing pairs of steps walking towards her. Looking up, she saw Alya with some of the girls around her, as well as Marinette walk towards her.

They stopped and stared at each other upon reaching Ruby. Both looked uncertain, Alya more hateful than Marinette's. Ruby, getting agitated, stands up stepping between the two before words can be said.

"Look I don't know what kind of drama you both have, but its petty. Whatever Lila has told you about Marinette can't possibly be true, but would you know, Alya? Seeing as you never asked Marinette." She stood in front of Marinette propectively, staring down at Alya.

"The rivalry between me and Lila over a boy is ridiculous and I would never stoop thst low just to keep someone I know away from soemone else. Now if you'll excuse me, I have something to write." Alya and the girls stared in shock as Ruby walked away, Marinette scurring after her.

"What-- forget it. Let's find Lila." Alya said after recovering, the others nodded and following the checkered shirt girl.

°·°·°·°·°·°·°

During lunch, Ruby went to find Marinette, when she saw she was with two boys. One with black hair and a red jacket while the other had red tomato hair and a dark grey cardigan. They were talking, Ruby couldn't hear however due to being far, but found out Marinette was crying. The girl was about to go iver there, when Marinette lunged herself at the two boys, hugging him tightly.

She smiled at the scene and turned away, knowing she can find Marinette later. Instead, she walked out to the courtyard, when a scream echoed out. Ruby ran and saw the Alya and others run away, as an akuma jumped down from a ledge, looking around.

"Lila it's okay!!" Alya yelled, dodging a projectile that was aimed for her. The reporter managed to active the akuma alert, causing everyone in the school and in the area to be alert of what was happening.

"You!" Ruby turned and saw Lila stare at her menacingly.

"Oh my, this proves my words even more. You're after me right? Let's see if you can catch me Rossi." Ruby smirked, dashing out to the front doors, an enraged Lila behind her.

"Lila no! Whatever Ruby said wasn't true!" Alya had yelled trying to follow. But something began to block the front doors. "Lila!"

The girl looked like a spider, her skin deathly pale, eyes red and enraged staring as Ruby ran. Surprisingly, she was fast, but since Lila was an akuma she could catch up. People had already left the scene when the alert sounded, everyone in the streets going to designated shelters until the akuma was dealt with.

Ruby didn't know how long she had been running, but when she reached the Louvre and saw no one, she relaxed. The air drastically changed and she turned, watching as Lila stalked over to her.

"Just because you know about my lies, doesn't mean anything. I can ruin you like that girl and make you look like a fool! But Hawkmoth wants to know if you actually know who he is." Lila smirked, shooting out a thread from her hair and throwing at Ruby. The girl dogded at the last second, though she knew that she can't dodge forever.

"So you're a truth seeker? Or stealer to make them you're own?" Ruby remarks, dodging multiple threads.

"Shut up!!" Lila screeched, throwing double the threads than before. Ruby's wyes widen, knowing she can't dodge that many, when a figure jumps in front and blocks all of the threads. Ruby hears Lila snarl lowly as she stared at Chat Noir.

"Looks like the cat has come to play."

Chat Noir doesn't reply, only giving a deadly glare to Lila as he stood protectively in front of Ruby. The sound of a yo-yo echoed and Lila was wrapped from the waist up and yanked back to the wall, crumbling on top of her. Ladybug lands next to Chat Noir, both of them watching as Lila picks herself up from the rubble.

"You okay, Ruby?"

"I'm fine, Ladybug." Ruby panted, stepping back as Lila let out a scream.

"Ladybug. Why don't you come here for a bit. So I can get a good look at your earrings." Lila growled, before lunging at the three. Chat Noir quickly grabs Ruby and they all dodge out of the way.

They land on a roof that was fair distance away from Lila, Chat Noir setting down Ruby gently. Ladybug noted that her partner was quiet, which was unusual for someone like him.

"Theres a chance the akuma could be in her earring, hair tie, or bracelet. She wasn't carrying any purse when I talked to her." Ruby states, looking at Lila with a calculating look. "She's after me. I can be a distraction while you guys--"

"What? No!" "Out of the question." Both heroes reply at once, startling the young culpa.

"We have-- duck." Ruby suddenly said, pushing both heroes quickly as a thread shot towards them. The thread hit her and felt heat in her throat and felt her body being pulled. Vaguely she heard the heroes scream her and suddenly she felt herself being held tight.

She heard Lila laugh and move away from the heroes. "Now, lets find out what your hiding, shall we?"

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[ishikawadesu]

HAPPY 31ST BIRTHDAY SAKIYAMA TSUBASA! + DL

Now we’re the same age again haha, we are getting old, but as long as I can cheer on him, I’m satisfied ^^ It has been a awful year for my mental an physical health (no covid related btw), I had relatives with covid though, and it has been tough in general, but anyway, I’m here to talk about the man I still admire, even if I’m not here on the internet everytime. I learned I don’t have to stay active all the time or have all the merch or do everythig related to him to be his fan and that made me realize I’m more happy to be by his side for all these years and appreciate what I have <3 (Well, being sick has been a lot of learning too lol)

I hope this new year for him will be full of new projects now he is a freelance and I hope all his fans continue supporting him <3

Since I’ve been away, I have something for Tsubasa’s fans. I know I have to reply several messages and you are going to have your answer this week in an automatic message with the link of the stuff you asked for (if you followed the rules of course), so this time I’m gonna share with you the two Kurogarasu movies in which Tsubasa was the main and badass character haha. The rules are the usual and this time the movies are watermarked, but they don’t interfere with the the movie, so don’t worry. It’s just me worrying about people who still don’t read ^^

Btw, about the last post, I was hacked time ago and I had to change a lot of passwords, so it wouldn’t have to be a problem now, but just in case you recieve a video of mine, it’s not from me and delete it asap, it may be a virus.

PLEASE, READ THE RULES BELOW BEFORE ASKING FOR THE LINK

First of all, write the title of the stage/musical/movie/etc you want to get.

Ask me off anon (that is, having a Tumblr account with some posts or reblogs), saying that you read and will follow the rules.

As I said before, ask me only. That way I won’t skip any request.

I’m not giving my link to empty or suspicious tumblr accounts.

Don’t reupload on streaming sites like youtube, bilibili, weibo, dailymotion, etc. If I find out something mine over there, I’m just going to remove my link.

Don’t share the link. If someone else is interested, please direct them here to read these rules.

I’ll be changing the link, so please download the files as soon as possible.

Screencaps and gifs are fine. Video cuts are also fine if you keep them to a minimum. No need to credit, but it is much appreciated ^^

Please be patient if I don’t answer right away.

Be kind and enjoy!