#i have so many mixed emotions in me rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sorcerous-caress · 5 months

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Heyyy!! Could I request the companions taking care of a new baby + a toddler while their partner recovers?

Taking care of the kids while you recover

[Fluff, marriage, raising kids, nb!reader]

[Astarion, Wyll, Gale]

I'm not feeling the best rn so I did just three, i hope you enjoy anon.

Astarion

Seeing that this is your second baby together, he feels less out of his element now. He is more confident in his ability to care for this little bundle of joy with pointy ears cradled in his arms.

He almost doesn't recognise his own self these days. When did his sharp edges grow so soft? When did he become so tender, and when did his eyes become so round and happy?

When you proposed to him that day in the underdark, when you presented him with a modest ring that made him go speechless. He has seen many more glamorous ones, much more expensive ones, but somehow, this simple band with the most precious gem completely took his breath away.

That's how he ended here on this cozy couch with a silver haired toddler running around enthusiastically. Astarion calls them over to gently wipe some crumbs from their face, looking at their innocent adoring eyes.

They had your eyes, he couldn't help but squeeze their adorable cheeks and give them a kiss on the forehead like any dotting father would.

Him, a doting parent? That idea would've made him choke with laughter some years ago.

The ring glimers on his finger as he holds the newborn baby closer to his chest, humming a soothing melody in elvish for his second child. The first stared at him from the side with a pout.

His child was so obvious with their emotions that Astarion couldn't help but chuckle, "Jealously isn't a good look darling, come here." With that, he had another kid cuddling up to him and demanding a lullaby too.

Astarion obliged, relieved that his presence seemed enough for his children at the moment while you were recovering. Part of him was anxious about what if they only wanted you? What if they weren't as attached to him as he thought?

He was never happier to be proven wrong in his life.

Wyll

The sun shines brightly through the thin white curtains in the kitchen. Wyll is mixing together a baby formula on the counter, measuring the right amount on the spoon as he scoops away the extra powder from the top.

Adding the powder into the baby bottle, he gently shakes the warm bottle. The sound of light footsteps approach him in a failed attempt of stealth as a toy wooden sword is pressed against the back of his legs.

"Surrender!" A high voice calls from behind him, his very own kid with determination in their eyes as they press the dull edge of the sword more against Wyll's pants.

"Oh noble hero, may I know what crime am i being accused of before I surrender?" Wyll plays along, a smile painting his lips.

"The crime of!!" His child starts with confidence, "of...." trailing into uncertainty as their grip on the sword falters.

Wyll is patient as he lets them have the time to gather their thought. cleaning and wiping the counter down.

"Of not giving me food!"

"Didn't you just eat your breakfast after stealing my breakfast?" Wyll scooped up his child up in his arm, holding him with one hand while carrying the bottle with the other. His kid kicked their feet in the air as they dropped the wooden sword.

"But dad!! That was hours ago, I'm hungry."

"I clearly recall it being minutes ago."

Moving to the living room where his youngest laid peacefully sleeping in their small rocking bed, Wyll let go of his hold just as he sat on the couch.

Climbing into his lap, the most adorable brown puppy eyes looked up at him. "I want pancakes please" stretching on the end of the word, his kid whined.

With a defeated smile, Wyll agreed to it. Knowing you'd scold him for spoiling the kids too much if you were here right now, still he was weak against them. Somehow, his own kids were more persuasive than any devil this warlock has ever encountered before.

Gale

"There you go, all dry and clean" he said as he started to put on the baby bear onesie back on the giggling infant in front of him, their small hands gripping on Gale's beard with surprising strength as he zipped them up.

Yet the discomfort barely mattered to the wizard, he happily let them play with his face as he admired how adorable they looked in the fluffy animal custom. Smiling and giving their belly a soft kiss to make them laugh even louder.

The loud crash from outside the room barely phased him either as he kept coddling the infant, calling them endearing names and cradling them in his arms. "Papa's here, no need to fret."

"MR.DEKARIOS!" Tara's screech followed shortly after, "your presence is required immediately!"

Still too busy entranced by how adorable his child was, Gale took slow steps out of the room, contouring harmless light tricks to impress his youngest.

The sight that met him was one that would've probably given his younger self a heart attack no doubt, the countless torn pages of books thrown around the floor, the spilled ink and the crumbled magical scrolls.

But as the years went by, he found himself mellowing out much more. Very few things phased him by now, especially with how ironic life tended to be. The fates must be snickering right now. to give him a kid with wild magic in their veins, brimming with sorcery from such a young age.

You usually kept them in line, Gale was too guilty of being an enbaler as you've put it. It's not his fault he thought his kid was the coolest person in all the realms.

"Books are for losers!" Ah, there they stood, his own flesh and blood. Amidst the chaos of papers and magic, a potted plant.

A talking potted plant.

"Did your magic surge again?" Gale could only feel amusement as he leaned down to pick up his child, making sure to hold it far away from his other child so they don't nibble on the leaves of their sibling.

It seemed like both his cat and his child prefered to continue their argument. "Why, I have never heard such nonsense before! Mr.Dekarios, would you please get your spawn in line." Tara, his beloved elegant tressym, was flying around him in an attempt to smack the plant with her soft paws.

With a giggling wobbling infant on his right arm and a potted plant polymorphed kid on his left, Gale effortlessly casted the necessary incantations to reverse the polymorph while avoiding Tara's claws.

A poof of sparkling light filled the room as a full toddler replaced the potted plant, Tara blinded by the light, crashed into them and they all stumbled down onto stacks of torn papers.

The three of them buried under the pile, only the fluffy bear onsie wearing emerged unharmed on top.

#♡Gale #♡Astarion #♡Wyll #♡Fluff #♡marriage #♡raising kids #astarion x reader #gale x reader #wyll x reader #fluff #wholesome #raising kids #marriage au #bg3 x reader #baldur's gate 3 x reader

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aquaquadrant · 2 months

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Bravo gives me so many mixed feelings. I want him to come out of this ok. I want him to trip and fall on his face. I’m rooting for him. I think he’s an asshole and deserves to be smacked repeatedly.

I want him to have a happy ending. But he needs to work for that happy ending, y’know? Because he is not a very good person rn but I believe he can do better. He can become better if he choses. He can reflect on his biases and just, do better.

I believe in him. But I still wanna see him trip and fall on the way there.

HAHAAAAA oh i love to see asks like this, bc bravo was written to be a complex character. he’s a very different kind of antagonist to tango than atlas is, and i have a lot of fun drawing parallels and contrasts between them. all the focus i put on his part at the start of the au wasn’t just so people would pity him, it was to show how someone who was (by the simplest of definitions) a decent guy could be made worse by the circumstances he found himself in- the same way tango was made better.

the point of that was so when bravo showed up at the ranch all those years later, we could see just how far he’d fallen. the question that remains is whether or not he’ll be willing and able to climb out of the hole he’s dug himself. and if your conflicted emotions are anything to go off of, it’s a compelling question indeed.

#hels to pay au #HTP ask #ty for sharing it’s great to know bravo is being received as intended <3

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mazzystar24 · 5 months

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What do you think of eddie's & maddie's "sibs in law" relationship

Pls expand if u can i love to read your ramblings&thoughts

Aww that’s so sweet I legit am constantly convinced my rambling is annoying but glad to hear someone likes it 🫡 (literally giggling and kicking my feet rn)

Also this I think is the first like proper ask I’ve got 🎉🥳

I have A LOT of thoughts about Eddie and Maddie so you may eat your words a little but it’s fine🤩

Maddie and Eddie for me really deserve more scenes together not just because of their link through buck but through the fact that the writers make very distinctive parallels between Maddie and Eddie and Buck and Chimney.

Lemme explain, Maddie is the carer older sibling who had to step in and be parentified in a way, Eddie’s dad wasn’t around so he was forced to do the same, both of them bottle up their emotions for the sake of the people they love until it comes out in extreme ways and they both struggled with the similar mental health issues, they are both runners in one way or another- Maddie is canonically “the one who leaves” and Eddie left to go to the army at different points of Christopher’s childhood and also when he left to go to dispatch you can also argue that was part of that. Also they both feel a lot of guilt surrounding the fact that they weren’t there for their kids’ babyhood (is that a word? I’m making it one) eventhough in my opinion neither were to blame for their circumstances, both had first marriages that ended badly (understatement for Maddie obviously) and that they have mixed feelings about. Also both of them forgave their parents despite how they wronged them.

The buck and chimney parallels are also unreal but I’ll try to limit myself a little cos that wasn’t the ask, but like they were both the sibling that was unloved and deprived of their parents love they both sought honorary parents in a way (lees for chimney, bobby and Athena for buck obviously), both have the whole 152783 million deaths but always somehow lucky thing going for them, both are very big emotions people, they both struggled to feel seen by past partners, they both had no clue what they were doing and had many different jobs prior to firefighting even both were shown as bartenders as their last jobs before firefighting. Okay I’m cutting myself off - about chimney and buck at least.

But yeah the Maddie and Eddie parallels should make them have at least some scenes together and I feel like they can hit a lot of emotional beats together for scenes well.

Like their personalities and experiences are similar enough that they could be such an iconic duo but too similar to have pulled off a Maddie/Eddie thing like the writers initially planned (let’s all once again thank god for Jennifer love Hewitt🙏🥰) like can you imagine Maddie fresh off the trauma from Doug having to step in and be part of Eddie’s family? Or Eddie’s fighting era or Eddie’s mental breakdown if it was Maddie instead of buck? Like Maddie and Eddie both need a balance of the type of people they are, a yin to their yang (or actually maybe more Yang to their yin 😭😭) and those people are chimney and buck!!!

I also definitely think Maddie knew about buddie since day one like girlie dropped the boy crush comment then the he’s cute followed by buck talking about Eddie not chimney felt like her testing her theory like she legit walked away before he finished talking with this little ‘that’s what I thought skittles squad😌’ look on her face.

I’m not caffeinated enough to think anymore but yes 10000% on board with the Maddie and Eddie siblings in law thing for those reasons and also cos Eddie befriends every woman within 5 minutes of meeting her (unless it’s one of bucks romantic interests😭😭) and yet we haven’t really seen him and Maddie interact, like we’ve had how many buck hospital visits and not one Maddie and Eddie in the waiting room scene?? Rude as hell if you ask me

#911 #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #evan buck buckley #911 fox #911onfox #911 abc #Buckley siblings #chimney han #maddie buckley #howard chimney han #my posts

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sexydreamgirl · 10 months

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I'm actually on the verge of tears rn, and ik you and other blogs have made countless posts on LOA, it's what u spend ur precious time on but here me out.

i'm on the verge of tears cuz i just read ur reply to someone who wants to give up on the law but deep down wants to believe in it. what hit me was when you said something along the lines of “if u really want it, you won't take no for an answer" and it just touched something because i relate to that statement sfm. I want this so badly, i wanna live the life i dream about asap. I haven’t spent 7 or so years trying to manifest, reading posts, doing research and listening to teachings just to throw it down the drain. i spent my whole adolescent years running after this and I know i deserve it.

i just don’t know what to do…i’m tired of running but i’ll keep it up because i want this, i need this. I know i can do it but i just don’t know how. idk where to start. i feel so many different ways about LOA, mainly drained at the thought. i want it to be simple, which ik it is, but after this long it feels like i’ve overcomplicated it to the point where it’s hard to refresh. I don’t understand the feeling of the wish fulfilled, i don’t know how to go about it. I’m not so clear on states, i don’t know how to use my full potential, and i want to!! i’ve been gifted this ability which i should use but don’t know how, and i’m tired of waiting. i’m sure u can see my mixed emotions about the law, it feels like something i wanna befriend but i’m struggling to understand it. idk where to start and i just wanna wake up and write a success story. the life i’m living isn’t mine, my ideal life is mine and idk how to change my state of mind to reflect onto the 3D.

hope this makes sense, love u lots angel xx any advice or ur opinion please don’t hesitate. i want the cycle to stop, i need to put my foot down.

I believe I gave a similar answer recently but I think the best advice I can give you is choose a single source to stick to and apply what you've learned. Stop overconsuming trying to find the post that will finally make it click for you and simply study the law in a way that makes sense to you. Then apply what you've learned.

Here's the link to my LOA guide if you'd like to have a read.

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fandom-blackhole · 1 year

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hi :3 your jackson song as a joel fic is still rent free in my head. could you share your idea? or is it still under wraps?

mwah mwah!! 😘

You know what? You asked for this, you made me think of this fic idea again, so you're getting the full fic rn. I hope you enjoy it lmao <3 <3

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader (gender/race neutral) Summary: Three times Reader sings Jackson by Johnny Cash and annoys Joel, and the one time Joel actually joins in. this is a 3+1 bc i couldn't decide which scene I had imagined for this to write so I went with all of the above (I heavily suggest listening to the song at least once, it's a great tune and will get stuck in your head lol) Warnings: contains spoilers for the show and game (bc as usual I am mixing the two together, mentions of violence and guns, really just reader being annoying to Joel, me shitting on KC (im from KS so im allowed), UNEDITED (bc i am being a bit lazy sorry) WC: 4.5k (how do all of my fics get away from me like this smh)

It had been a long few hours. Emotions were a little high and tension was a bit thick. Neither you nor Joel had been expecting what you found when you finally got to Bill and Frank’s small town. You’d expected a smile and hug from Frank and grumpy complaining from Bill over bringing an outsider, let alone a kid to his town. You’d expected to see Frank take to Ellie and want to show her around, clean her up and feed her like he loved to do. You’d expected to find two of the few you allowed yourself to call friends. Instead you found quiet emptiness, dead flowers, and a note that had your heart breaking for the second time in so many days. Tess' death still heavy on your heart, now had the company of losing Bill and Frank.

So when the first notes softly floated from the speakers of the truck Bill left Joel, you had to do a double take, a grin quickly lighting up your face as you jumped forward in your seat and turned up the radio. The words you knew by heart, the song one of your mother’s favorites, so at the exact time Joel turned to you in question, you grinned widely at him and sang along, “We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout.”

With a huff Joel whispered to himself an exasperated, “Christ,” but you carried on.

“We’ve been talkin’ ‘bout Jackson, ever since the fire went out.”

You could hear Ellie behind you laughing to herself as Joel shook his head. You didn’t let up, though, you kept singing and pulling laughs from Ellie, making sure to put emphasis on the way you sang every time Jackson was mentioned. You made sure to put on a show as the song switched back and forth between the duet, deepening your voice and acting all suave while Johnny Cash sang and all smooth and flirty during June Carter’s parts.

By the time the song was over, you were a bit breathless from your antics and Ellie was doubled over in the back seat of the truck laughing at you and clapping for you. Joel, though, simply reached over and turned the radio back down til the next song was just barely heard over Ellie's wheezing and the sound of the truck’s engine.

Turning to Joel with a giant grin, you see him simply shaking his head. So you tilted your head at him, as he glanced at you out of the corner of his eye.

“Well? What did you think of my once in a lifetime performance,” you asked with a teasing grin.

Joel simply huffed, “It was, uh, somethin’.”

With faux pride you close your eyes with a nod and confidently say, “Thank you, I worked very hard on that you know. Gonna be singing on the big stage one day.”

That drew a chuckle out of Joel as he grinned and said, “I look forward to seein’ it.”

Kansas City looked a bit worse for wear than you had expected. Though you probably should have really expected this, the rumors that floated around about the city were not favorable. Of all of the cities and FEDRA run quarantine zones it was well known that Kansas City was one of the worst and you better off trying to survive on your own rather try and find refuge within the city. Honestly though it's not too surprising the quarantine zone ended up the way it did, the city was situated in the ass crack of Missouri and Kansas afterall.

You were however caught off guard when you found that the Kansas City FEDRA had finally toppled and the city had been taken over by a group of hunters who were more than happy to use what the soldiers had left behind after their deaths. The hunter were still crafty with their environment, you had to give them that.

The crash had left all three of you disoriented. You had not expected the bus that they had let loose on the truck and you highly doubted Joel had expected it either. When the truck crashed into the convenience store you were thrown forward, smashing you head into the dash so hard spots formed in your eyes and you could feel a piece of glass dig into the skin right above your left eye.

After that things kind of passed in a blur for you. You knew there was a fight and you knew that you had shot at a few guys, though you kind of doubted that you actually managed to hit either with how disoriented you were. Once it was safe for the moment, Joel raced to check on you and Ellie, shoving your bags into your arms. Ellie as it turned out was no worse for wear because she’d been ducked down in the backseat out of sight of the hunters, and your only injuries were from the crash, a small gash on your forehead and a mild concussion from Joel’s estimate.

The three of you didn’t really have time to waste on first aid at that moment, so you’d simply pressed a bandana you had to you head and motioned to a large building a little ways away, whispering, “That’s probably our safest bet right now, we’ll get me fixed up once we know we are all safe.”

Joel had only hesitated for a second before agreeing. He led you and Ellie carefully to the building, safely making sure the three of you stayed out of sight. Once inside, you found that the building was an old hotel, and a nice one at that.

You quietly whistled and said, “This place is nice, could only dream of coming to a place like this before the outbreak.”

Joel just grunted as he looked around for useful things, finding a safe as he replayed, “Isn’t exactly nice anymore.”

You leaned against the counter beside where he was crouched trying to crack the safe and watched as Ellie looked around the lobby with an interest only a child could have. Sighing you shrugged and glanced over your shoulder as you heard the door creak open and replied, “I don’t know. If the outbreak did anything it did bring a certain beauty to the world. There’s something poetically beautiful in the sight of nature reclaiming what once belonged to it.”

Walking around the counter, Joel stood in front of you with a brow raised and shook his head, “Maybe that concussion is worse than I thought if you’re gettin’ all philosophical on me.”

With a huffed laugh you rolled your eyes and just nodded to the stairs, “Come on.”

Your progression upward went smoothly until the fourth floor where per your group’s usual luck you found the stairs blocked with all kinds of debris. You never thought you would miss stairs, but as you picked your way through the floor scouting for a way up you wished that just once the three of you would pick a building that had a simple straightforward way to the top.

You were pulled from your melancholic thoughts by Ellie’s raised voice, “Found a way up!”

You were a little thankful to be pulled away from your thoughts, the action slowly making the ever present headache since the crash throb. Quickly as possible you made your way across the hallway to the room Ellie had been looking through and smiled when you found a concert room with a stage and a beautiful grand piano. You made your way to the stage, noticing the way up Ellie found was on the corner of the stage where the above balcony’s railing had fallen. Gently you ran your fingers over the piano, a little sad to see such a magnificent creation in such disrepair. Looking up to Ellie who stood on the other side you made your way around and hip bumped her.

“You know how to play?”

Ellie laughed and turned to you with a look that screamed she was judging you as she replied, “You really think they’d teach us to play piano in FEDRA school? Let alone find one that actually works,” she shook her head and slowly made her way to the edge of the stage, jumping down. “What about you? You play?”

You hummed and ran your fingers over the keys, cringing at the awful out of tune melody that played. You were stopped from answering though as your fingers fell upon an old rusted microphone. Picking it up you smiled and looked up right as Joel walked into the room. Instantly you laughed, and your grin spread as your eyes met Joel's stoic hazel.

Gently you twirled to the center of the stage, a little dizzy from the sudden movements, but didn’t let it deter you. Looking up at your crowd you heard Joel ask Ellie, “What on Earth are they doing?”

You saw Ellie answer with a shrug and that's when you started to sing the opening notes of the song you had been annoying Joel with for weeks. Ellie laughed and Joel tried protesting but you just carried on. You let yourself get carried away singing the lyrics and making a fool of yourself on stage with your poor excuse of dancing.

It didn’t take Joel long to make his way to the stage, to stop you or figure out how to reach the balcony on the second floor you weren’t sure, but if you had to put money on it you’d guess both. The second he was within reach you grabbed his hand and pulled him towards you as you sang, “Go play your hand, you big talkin’ man. Make a big fool of yourself.”

Rolling his eyes Joel pulled away and you let him go only a second later as you spun yourself again the dizziness became too much and you found yourself stumbling with a gasp. Thankfully Joel had been close enough and had caught you before you fell and hit your head again on the stage.

He led you over to the piano bench and sat you down, taking the microphone from you as he said, “Sit and rest, before you hurt yourself more. Not exactly smart jumping and twirling around with a fresh concussion, nor making a bunch of noise when we are supposed to be keeping a low profile so we aren’t found by those hunters.”

With a sigh you just pouted, over not being able to finish your song but you listened to him and sat there and watched as Joel and Ellie pushed the grand piano over to the wall and watched as Ellie used it to jump up to the next floor. Joel followed but turned to you after getting onto the piano, motioning like he was going to help you up, which he did and then helped boost you to the next floor even if you didn’t need it, getting the feeling he was coddling you now.

Once he was up next to you again, you turned to him with a faux pout, “You said you looked forward to seeing me perform on a stage.”

With a huff, Joel gave you a look that said he was already tired of this situation and only replied, “Do it again when you aren’t a danger to yourself or the rest of us.”

Joel was infallible. At least you had always thought he was. He was the best survivor you knew, there was no question as to why he had gotten this far into the apocalypse, he just knew how to take care of himself and protect those around him. You had seen him get scrapes and bruises from fights and a couple of grazes from near misses from bullets. Never could you imagine that the man you held on such a high pedestal could fall as heavily as he had. You never thought you’d have to watch the man you’d found yourself caring for whole heartedly almost bleed out before your eyes.

But here you are, watching him shiver from the cold and no doubt from the pain wracking his body. Watching him sleep in fits and gazing into glazed eyes when he was barely awake. It was hard to watch, but you tried to be strong for Ellie’s sake. You sometimes would catch her staring at Joel’s fitful body, worry echoing on her face before she threw up a wall on her emotions. You didn’t want to admit it, but of the two she was more helpful. She’d been more successful with finding food and hunting than you have been. Ellie is also the one that had managed to find and bring back the full stocked and sterile first aid kit that you’d used to suture and clean Joel’s wound with, even if the supplies hadn’t done too much for his weakening state. You had found that your main use was only keeping the three of you on track to Salt Lake City and acting as a nurse to Joel, getting him to drink water or broth without drowning him, something Ellie found she didn’t really have the patience or the bedside manner to do.

Still you hid your worries, and shared optimistic thoughts with Ellie during the day even if you didn’t truly believe them yourself.You like to believe you’re helping Ellie by doing this, but in truth you think she’s doing the same for you, just putting on a brave face to make you feel better.

Each night the two of you would take turns taking watch, Ellie always going first, insisting you get rest and not truly trusting you to wake her for the second watch- which was fair because the one time she had agreed to let you take first watch you hadn’t had the heart to wake the exhausted girl to which she’d given you the silent treatment for the next day.

It was only during your watches, once you knew for sure Ellie was asleep, her breaths evening out and her body relaxing, that you allowed your mask to slip, to let your worries out. Each night that passed you swore Joel got paler, that he looked closer to death’s door. You hate watching him wither away like this, hate seeing the strongest person you know, your rock in this world, fall and not be able to help him even though your heart screams at you. You have found yourself sobbing helplessly into your hand in attempts to stay quiet a few times, the hurt and worry building up inside you until it exploded. You hated that you felt weak, but truely what could you do when your strength lay slowly dying on a nasty old twin sized mattress?

Tonight though the tears don’t come. Instead you find yourself feeling empty in your grief as you sit beside Joel’s head gently combing your fingers through his hair in a soothing motion. You weren’t sure if it was meant to sooth Joel or yourself, but either way the action seemed to be grounding you and it could be your imagination but it seemed that Joel’s face seemed somewhat more relaxed so you didn’t stop.

You aren’t sure when, but you caught yourself humming at some point and you couldn’t help but smile and jokingly think to yourself, ‘if anything is going to get a reaction out of him, it’ll be hearing me annoy him with this song again.’

You let yourself hum it a few times, making sure to stay quiet, not wanting to wake Ellie who’d become somewhat of a light sleeper, but eventually you had to laugh and whisper, “Yeah, go to Jackson, and go comb your hair,” as you ran your fingers through Joel’s hair.

You let yourself sing a few more lines, not really paying attention to anything but where your fingers continued their path through his hair, so you were surprised when you felt your free hand, which you had just had laying on Joel’s chest, be enclosed in a rougher calloused hand. Pausing your singing you looked down in surprise and found Joel’s lips turned upward just slightly, and his hand enveloping your own in a loose hold.

With a watery smile, knowing that just moving his hand had to have had taken a lot of energy from him, so you clutched it tighter in your hold as you turned back to running your fingers through his hair as you whispered to him, “Yeah, you go to Jackson, you big talkin’ man. And I’ll be waitin’ in Jackson,” before trailing back off into a hum.

It was over, all of it was finally over. The fireflies were gone, something you would never have to worry about again. Joel was strong again, Ellie was safe, and all three of you were all back in Jackson settling down and making a home for yourselves with Tommy and Maria and all of the townsfolk. And you couldn’t be happier. Everything in life just felt right for the first time since the outbreak. It was odd in a way, but it was so freeing that you didn’t care. You never could have let yourself dream about a life like this, of having a family like this that you could allow yourself to care for. You didn’t think something like this would ever be allowed to live, to thrive in a world so torn apart by a deadly infection and the worst of humanity. But you found it, and you let yourself bask in it. You let yourself be happy.

When the three of you all arrived back in Jackson it had taken a while for each of you to all settle in and relax. It was so foreign after spending months fighting and protecting each other's backs from every danger imaginable. Ellie had taken about a month to situate herself in the town, finding it a bit easier with teens her age being so interested in being her friend and getting to know her as the new kid in town. She settled into the garage and made it her own. Watching her have her own space was a little hard after having her in your sights 24/7 for so long, but you knew she needed it, that she deserved it after everything she went through. You and Joel stayed in the house together, both unwilling to be to far from the teen after everything that went down in Salt Lake City at the hospital and finding the bond between the two of you keeping you together. You each had your own rooms though Joel’s only got used every once in a while, many nights bringing him to your room when your nightmares wake him up. His own nightmares occasionally brought him to you as well, as he found comfort in not being alone, in waking up to find you laying there with soft breaths next to him.

Joel took about a little over a month to settle into the community but once Tommy got him in on the patrol board, he immediately found his place. Letting Joel have some control over where and how the patrols went allowed him to feel a sense of peace. It played into his strong suit of needing to know that the people he cared about were safe and taken care of. Seeing Joel let himself relax and fill the role really warmed your heart, happy to know Joel was finally at peace after so many years of functioning just in fight-or-flight mode.

You, though, took the longest to find your place in Jackson. You didn’t slack, you jumped from job to job filling any empty position in any area that they would let you, but the truth was you didn’t have a strength or a useful skill that could be applied somewhere within the town. You could hunt, but you were not the best at it. You were decent at growing things but the greenhouse didn’t really need anymore volunteers. And while you did love children you neither had the patience or the knowledge to be teaching. So as time passed and Joel and Ellie found their rhythms in the town you found yourself feeling like you were floundering a bit, drowning in a pool of water where your feet should be touching the ground. It wasn’t until you were doing a patrol with Joel a few months after settling back in Jackson that he brought up that the doctor in town was looking to train a new nurse. He had brought it up nonchalantly, but you could tell by the way he glanced out of the corner of his eye that he had a reason behind bringing it up. Later you managed to weasel it out of him, to which he simply replied, “I may not have been all there, but I remember how well you played nurse for me. I think you’d be good at it.”

He had been right of course, you had taken to the position like a duck to water and within no time you found yourself finding your own path in Jackson, letting yourself finally fall into content happiness that Joel and Ellie had also found. In no time at all the three of you all found yourself falling into a routine, each of you revolving around the other two and finding ways to still stay close and not get too busy to not be able to know what the others were up to. Your favorite day in the routine was every three days you’d all have a family meal, Tommy and Maria joining the three of you every other meal.

It was on one of those nights that Joel had come home late from his patrol. You had already started making dinner and had simply shooed him upstairs to take a shower while you finished cooking, knowing that it was only a matter of time before Ellie burst in the back door groaning about being starving.

You weren’t sure how long Joel took to get cleaned up, you had zoned out into your thoughts shortly after hearing the shower turn on, but after what you knew only had to have been a handful of minutes you heard him coming back downstairs, and when he came into the kitchen you simply motioned to the table, asking if he’d set it for you as you had dinner already almost finished.

You however didn’t expect to hear Joel turn on your little portable CD player on the counter and skip through the songs as he said, “Found you something’ while on patrol today.”

You hummed in question, curiosity over taking you as you glanced over your shoulder at him before turning back to stirring what you were cooking. Only a few seconds later you paused as the all to familiar notes floated around the kitchen and a soft smile found its way onto your face. Gently you started swaying as you cooked, but almost as soon as you had started you found a pair of arms wrapped around your middle as Joel pulled you away from the stove, as his deep accented voice sang, “We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. We’ve been talkin’ ‘bout Jackson ever since the fire went out. I’m goin’ to Jackson, I’m gonna mess around. Yeah I’m goin’ to Jackson, look out Jackson town.”

Laughing joyfully you join in right as June Carter does and turn to face Joel sticking your spoon in his face as you back up towards the stove to turn it down as you sang, “Well, go on down to Jackson. Go ahead and wreck your health. Go play your hand, you big talkin’ man, Make a big fool of yourself. Yeah, go to Jackson, go comb your hair.”

With a grin Joel grabs the spoon from your hand, laying it on the spoon rest, before grabbing your hand as he picked up his part of the duet once more, “Honey, I’m gonna snowball Jackson, see if I care. When I breese into that city, people gonna stoop and bow. All them women gonna make me teach ‘em what they don’t know how. I’m going to Jackson. You turn ‘n’ loosen my coat, ‘cause I’m goin’ to Jackson.”

Swaying in Joel’s arms as he sang was perfect and you wished more than anything that you could pause time right there and just enjoy this for all eternity. As his part finished once more, Joel twirled you, which you used to sway away from him as you came in singing, “”Goodbye,” that’s all she wrote. But they’ll laugh at you in Jackson and I’ll be dancin’ on a Pony Keg. They’ll lead you ‘round town like the scalded hound, with your tail hooked between your legs. Yeah, go to Jackson, you big talkin’ man. And I’ll be waitin’ in Jackson behind my Jaypan fan.”

You managed to stay out of Joel’s reach until the end laughing as the two of you joined together twirling and dancing around as you sang together.

“Well, now, we got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. We’ve been talkin’ ‘bout Jackson ever since the fire went out. I’m goin’ to Jackson and that’s a fact. Yeah, we’re going to Jackson, ain’t never comin’ back.”

Joel’s grin was bigger than you’ve ever seen, your happiness radiating off eachother as he swung you out and brought you back in as the two of you finished the song together, eyes never leaving the other’s, “Well, we go married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout. Honey, we’ve been talkin’ ‘bout Jackson ever since the fire went out.”

At the very end Joel surprised you by dipping you low, which pulled a loud gasping laugh from you before he pressed a small kiss to your lips before pulling you back up. You couldn’t wipe the grin off of your face once you were back on your feet, not even when two sets of claps came from the doorway along with a quick retching noise. Whipping your head around you felt yourself heat up in embarrassment to see Tommy and Maria standing there grinning at the two of you while Ellie wrinkled her nose and called the two of you gross.

“Hope the two of you didn’t burn our dinner while you were too busy being all lovey dovey,” Ellie griped while plopping down into her seat at the table.

“As a matter of fact I turned the stove off at the beginning of the song, so don’t worry, your food will be just fine,” you replied carrying the pot to the table as Joel passed around plates and silverware, taking it from you once you reached the table with a soft loving smile which you returned, making Ellie groan about losing her appetite even though she was smiling. All the while Tommy and Maria simply enjoyed the entertainment, though Maria did lean over and whisper, “Why can’t you be romantic, like that?”

To which Tommy grinned and simply replied while filling her glass with water, “You want me to try?”

With a sigh, Maria met his gaze and said, “No, I’m not sure I can hand whatever you think would be romantic.”

#joel miller x reader #joel x reader #ellie is here too <3 #I should also add that Mr Cash was a huge part of my childhood and I LOVE this song so this would 100% be me #especially once I found out that the town Tommy lives in is called Jackson #i hope you like this #also thank you for this #bc it was the perfect excuse to procrastinate HW

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daydream-cement · 1 year

Text

Violet and Rose Ch. 10

Larissa Weems x OC (Fern Rogers)

Authors Note: Shorter chapter. Someone commented that they didn't normally like pregnancy fics until this. Me too bro. Typically, I'm like ugh no, but yall have changed me rn. (the gif isn't violets, but i do what i want)

You avoided talking to Larissa for over 24 hours since you learned of your pregnancy. You parents even enabled you by taking her with them to do chores or run errands under the guise of bonding with their new 'daughter-in-law to-be'. Larissa knew something was wrong. Moments when you could sit together in the same room, you were hidden away somewhere with your mother, crying while she comforted you.

"Honey, you can't keep this from Larissa forever. She will hardly even talk to your father and I anymore. You have her worried sick." You were laying in your parent's bed with your mother. You were wrapped up in her arms like you were when you were a little girl. You were so relieved to have found out about the pregnancy now rather than when you were in London days from now.

"Mom, what do I even say to her? She is going to run as soon as I mention having a baby. There is a reason she has no children. She probably doesn't want any."

"What is the key word that sentence? Probably?" Your mother was never one to sit and let you be sad.

"You know what I mean, mom."

"No, I don't. You have a woman out there who loves you and you are laying in bed, crying to your mother." You wanted to roll your eyes and be annoyed, but you knew she was right.

"I just... I need more time..."

-----

"Hiya, sweetie." Your father kissed the top of your head and pulled up a chair next to you at the kitchen table. Diane had taken Larissa into town to get groceries for dinner even when Larissa tried protesting to so she could stay here with you.

"Hey, dad..." You mutter before shoving more pancake into your mouth. How you loved the pancakes your mother made.

"How are you feeling? Sick or tired?

"Sick and tired of feeling sick and tired."

He chuckled at your response. This was something he said frequently as you were growing up, "Now, you know I try and mind my business... You should talk to Rissa about this. I think she will be real happy about this."

You didn't speak, instead you push the plate away from yourself, having lost your appetite from the rising anxiety that was building in your chest again.

"I was so happy when your mother told me we were going to have you. You weren't planned either, honey, but you have made us so happy." Your father placed a hand on your shoulder and pushed himself up out of the chair, knowing her didn't want to make you any more upset than what you were, "When I didn't think I could love your mother more, she gave me you."

------

You were nauseated, vomiting, and extremely emotional. You were weighing all of your options. While you loved Larissa deeply and knew you wanted to spend your life with her, but children... children were a different level of commitment. Of course, you couldn't make a decision until you talked to Larissa about it all. There was a part of you that wanted to have the baby with her, knowing you would raise the most wonderful of children together.

You sat out in the pasture watching the horses graze. Wiping your eyes of another round of crying, you stare down at the swaying grass around you, allowing yourself to space out. You saw a little violet growing in the grass near you, it brought a smile to your face. It was a late bloomer.

Typically, you avoided making flowers bloom outside of their normal season, but you pressed a hand to the ground, pushing many other violets from their hiding spots. Flecks of purple and white began to surround you. You used to pick violets with your mother and make a 'magic' tea with them that changed colors when mixed with lemonade. The memory comforts you and you wonder if you could do the same with your child one day.

"They're beautiful..." Larissa's voice speaks up behind you, but she doesn't sit, rather she stands near you for a few moments, allowing a bit of silence before she speaks again, "Do you- Should I leave Fern? You haven't spoken to me in what feels like forever... If you don't want to be with me anymore, I'd rather have you say it now..."

Her words sting. You never wanted her to leave. You wanted to be with her forever. You shake your head and draw your knees up to your chest and bury your face into your arms, feeling a sob course through you. You felt guilty for lying. You felt guilty for making her feel like she wasn't wanted. You felt guilty for being unsure if you wanted her baby. You felt so guilty.

Larissa lowered herself on the ground next to you, bringing a hand to your back, but not initiating any other contact. Her hand rubbed circles and her voice cracked when she spoke, "Talk to me... Please."

You keep your head resting on your hands, but you turn your head to look at her. Your eyes were red and tear-soaked. You pull your lips between your teeth and stare at her for a moment, tears still running down your cheeks.

"Fern, I don't know what I did wrong. Please talk to me. I can change. I can make it better. I just want you to be happy." She was begging now, seriously thinking that you were about to break up with her. You could see the tears running down her face. You needed to tell the truth otherwise you would continue breaking her heart.

As you spoke, the sobs came even harder, making your words almost impossible to understand, "I-I'm- I'm..."

You felt Larissa's hand leave your back and move to her own face, preparing herself to hear the worst.

"I'm p-pregnant, Larissa." You wished you felt more relief after admitting it to her, but you felt more anxious than ever. You wondered in you were going to be sick. You buried your face back in your arms, waiting to here her own response. Was she going to be breaking up with you now? Would she want anything to do with you after this?

She was silent. You couldn't see her face, but you pictured her reaction. She was probably crying thinking about how she was stuck with you. She might be planning on how she could convince you to terminate the pregnancy before she decides to break up with you. All of the thoughts running through your mind ended in Larissa deciding to break your heart.

“You’re pregnant? But we-” Larissa finally spoke up, her words were completely confused until you heard her come to the same realization she had, “…Oh…Oh, Fern… Honey… Really?”

Did her voice seem happy?

You felt her move closer to you, her hand coming around your middle before pulling you towards her. There you were, straddling Larissa, your arms wrapped around her middle as you bury your face into her chest. Her arms came around your shoulders and held your tight to her, rocking you back and forth, "I would love to have a baby with you."

Her words were almost shocking to you. You waited to hear her say the word 'but', but it never came. Instead you felt her press a kiss against your forehead and she spoke once more, "I wonder if they will be a shapeshifter or have powers like you? I won't lie, but I hope it's a girl."

Your tears began to slow when she began talking about the baby. It made you feel like everything would be okay. You still weren't speaking. Larissa decided to change the subject a bit to take your mind off the pregnancy, "What kind of flowers are these?"

You sniffed before turning your head to look out on the little field of purple and white flowers you had created, "Violets."

"That would be a good name for a baby girl..."

Link to Chapter 11

#larissa weems #gwendoline christie #wednesday netflix #fanfic #stately sequoia #larissa weems x oc #the cedars have eyes #violet and rose #ferissa #fern rogers

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inhibitionfreewriting · 6 months

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r u a noah kahn enjoyer? not sure if ur taking requests rn but northern attitude for ludwig

oh not this song make me feel a lot of emotions 😳 okay.

listen. i've never heard this song until you suggested it. first of all, thank you for the suggestion. second of all, my heart vomited this up but i like it.

there will be AT LEAST a part 2 because when i got to where i got to i was like okay time to put it down and look at this again tomorrow. this is my version of putting down a piece of art to look at mistakes tomorrow, except i'll be writing more tomorrow.

-- PART 1 --

You and Ludwig hadn't seen each other in a few years, a fall out due to graduation and time. It's funny, they say you'll lose the friends you made in high school but the ones in college are friends for life, yet here you were with one of your friends from high school asking you how you knew Ludwig.

"We went to college together. We were study buddies, how do you know Ludwig?"

"He's a streamer - how do you," she stopped and put the picture frame down. "How do you not know that? You're online, like, all the time?" You shrugged. You were on your computer all the time but you worked on graphic design, you weren't necessarily on the internet. Half the time you just listened to music.

The curiosity gets to you though, would he remember you? You certainly remembered him - plenty of nights in one of your rooms, working on homework together, a night or two drinking shitty wine and watching a movie. A love found but lost.

you: hey ludwig not sure if you still have my number but we were friends in college, heard you are a big streamer now, good use of an english degree lol

An olive branch, a life line, even. You put your phone down, either he'd delete it because you seem like some random fan or he had your number blocked. Within minutes though, you had a reply.

Ludwig: how could i forget you i wouldn’t have passed biology without you. glad SOMEONE appreciates my english degree; usually i’m roasted for it 💀

You laughed. You made fun of him for it from the moment you met him, it made sense that everyone else did too. Conversation flowed easily. You couldn't remember the last time you laughed so hard, and honestly, he couldn't either. It was easy for you two to fall back into a rhythm, like it had only been a weekend apart.

Ludwig: would you ever want to get lunch or something?

He would never admit to how long it took to get the courage to ask, just as you would never admit how little thought you put into your 'yes of course!' reply.

Just a few days later and you were walking into a little café with him standing up to greet you and banging his knee into the table, yelping.

"Oh my god you didn't have to stand, I'm not the president," you laughed, crossing the distance and embracing him in a long awaited hug. He returned it, shrugging off your comment and for the first moment of many today, it felt like nothing had changed at all. Ludwig's arms tight around you, he still smelled like the same mix of deodorant and cologne. Something akin to a forest, teakwood... maybe birch. Something generic but home to you.

"It's good to see you," his voice was quiet in your hair, almost lost. There was a pounding in his chest that made his hands sweat and when you pulled away he anxiously rubbed his palms against his jeans. You both sat, your bag sliding between your feet at the table and conversation flowed like a waterfall.

How has life been? How are your folks? Do you still talk to anyone from school? How do you like streaming? What's been the best part of the experience? Are you in love with anyone? What do you do now, for work? Do you like it? Do you still go to the movie theater? Do you still think of me when you watch Crimson Peak?

"Do you still have that stuffed chipmunk I won you?" He leaned back in his seat and knocked his feet into yours. Suddenly, the embarrassment bubbled up onto your face, cheeks getting hot-hot-hot and he noticed. "If you don't it's okay."

"No I- I do. I uh," you felt like you were going to pass out, Ludwig leaned forward and rested his head in his hands, a shit-eating grin sliding onto his face. "I still sleep with it? It just. Lives on my bed." He wanted to tease you about it, keeping such a stupid memento for the past, what 5-6 years? But any comment was caught in his throat. "Well, say something already! I know you want to!"

"I-I'm just happy you still have it... would have thought you'd toss it out or somethin'," he found it hard to look you in the eyes, choosing to look at the cup on the table.

"How could I ever throw Mr. Stripes out? He was basically our mascot to get through tests. He's my good luck charm." You knocked your foot into his a few times, light taps and he looked back up at you with an almost nervous smile.

Hours had passed, drinks and snacks had come and gone. Your volume had only gotten louder and the laughter more rambunctious. One of the employees came over and Ludwig wiped the tears from his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, we're about to close for the rest of the day. Do either of you maybe want anything to go?" You shook your head, finally calming down from laughter.

"Thank you, I'm okay. Lud?"

"I'm good too," he shook his head, standing up. "Sorry if we deterred any customers, didn't mean to be so loud." The worker shook her head with a pleasant smile.

"It was nice to see you and your girlfriend on such a nice date."

"Oh we're not-" "We're not dating."

"Oh! I'm so sorry. Anyway - we close in a few minutes. We hope to see you two again." She left before you could reassure her it was fine and not an issue but Ludwig was holding his hand out like you need the help to stand up. You take his hand regardless after grabbing your bag.

"You uh, wanna come back to my place?"

"Sure."

#ludwig ahgren x reader #ludwig x reader #ludwig #bunny writes #bunny qs

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hjemne · 6 months

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Ilsa, I’ve seen you posting a lot of Trigun and well I’m intrigued by it, to say the least. But just for giggles, would you try to convince me why should I watch it? 😆🤚🏻

AHHHHH!

I didn't think Trigun was going to worm its way into my brain so much but here we are. There is so much to love about it and I adore so many of the characters for a billion different ways. The character type of someone who is made into a killing machine and then is slowly convinced to accept love and forgiveness is my favourite and is all over trigun. So many characters see themselves as monstrous but choose to do what they see as right for the sake of / with the help of their friends. There are moments of silliness and of tragedy, all with an incredibly interesting setting which slowly gets revealed.

Because of the recent release of Trigun Stampede, the community is really active rn (esp on Tumblr!) and it's really cool to see so many incredible fanarts, comics, fanfics and discussions being made. It's very fun to be part of a very active fandom, but also one that is 25 years old and has fanworks that are older than I am.

I really love it, and I would recommend it, but unfortunately I also have some caveats which I gotta mention.

What you gotta know before getting into Trigun is that there are 4 different canon versions and each one has its problems. I wish I could recommend X version as the definitive and best, but that just doesn't exist which is very annoying.

1) Trigun Maximum: the manga

Good: incredible nuances to characters like Wolfwood, Knives, Livio/Razlo. Vashwood subtext is off the charts and their dynamic is incredibly fascinating and central. This is the most detailed and complex story of Trigun and has lots of themes, characters and plot points that don't exist in other versions. Has elements of sexism and sexual violence, but (imo) to show how shitty the world is, rather than to revel in the misogyny. The tone is tragic, with equal mix of hope and pain.

Bad: the female characters of Meryl and Milly get massively sidelined in comparison to their depictions elsewhere. It's a very long manga and has (imo) pacing issues that limit the impact of emotional moments. The art style is beautiful, but notoriously difficult to follow, especially in the many long fight scenes (particularly bad in volume 5). There's lots of disagreement about 'correct' translations and it can be hard to tell which character is doing/saying/thinking what at points which can make it confusing and frustrating to read at times.

Overall: 7/10, I would recommend but maybe not as your first bit of exposure to Trugun

2) 1998 anime Trigun

Good: the silliest of Triguns with some great voice acting. The friendships between Vash, Milly, Meryl and Wolfwood are very sweet and engaging (although it would have been nice to see more of the four of them together). It's a fun overview of the Trigun story and has a very entertaining mix of comedy and serious emotional moments. Lots of hijinks and lots of fights. Milly and Meryl are core characters and get time to shine (it is impossible not to love Milly). This is personal preference but the animation style is kinda goofy in the way it changes styles to exaggerate characters' feelings which I love. The first 12 ISH episodes are very Saturday morning cartoon vibes without being too inane and childish.

Bad: because it only had the first couple of volumes of the manga to adapt from, the mid-season tone shift and later fights feel rushed, a little confusing and ultimately lead to a less satisfying conclusion than in trimax. The misogyny is noticeable, especially in the first couple of episodes, though is limited to a couple of comments in some episodes and doesn't (I think) make it unwatchable. The antagonists are rushed through and it's hard to work out who the 'main' villain is. Tone change is quite abrupt. Wolfwood is a less developed character with a less intense (back)story, Livio/Razlo doesn't exist at all etc

Overall: 7/10, this is what I'd recommend you start with. It has pacing issues and uncomfortable sexist comments, but I think they're outweighed by the strengths of the main casts relationships and the pure entertainment value of it. Not the most satisfying ending, but they were constrained so :/

3) Badlands Rumble (film)

Good: animation is SO crisp. Wolfwood is at maximum chest exposure and actually his character is pretty interesting here. Milly and Meryl are back, but in limited roles. Some interesting world building and Vash and Wolfwood go thru their divorce arc TM which is dumb and funny and angsty.

Bad: Wolfwood is far too pale. The first half an hour is made almost unwatchable by the decision to make sexism and sexual harrassement a way to pad out the runtime. Vash is such a creep it just makes for uncomfortable watching.

4/10 don't watch if you're not already invested, and honestly do yourself a favour by watching the opening scene, then skipping to the 30 min ish mark and watch knowing that Vash has some very tough dried meat in his front coat pocket.

4) Trigun Stampede anime

Good: really cool 3D animation and music. Has Wolfwood's manga backstory and some manga characters like Livio and Crimsonnail, but with very different characterisations. I really liked the episode looking at the childhood of two orphans and how their love for each other was manipulated against them both. Much bigger focus on Knives than the original and more elaboration of his motivations and plans. Zazie is SO much better here than in the original anime. No uncomfortable sexism yay!

Bad: I... don't like tristamp very much. The characters are watered down from their manga versions and Knives is just kinda evil because he was en evil child, rather than the much more nuanced version in trimax. Milly doesn't exist (yet) and they added in a new character Roberto whose role in the story is (or at least was to me) obvious if you know the basics of the hero's journey structure. Everyone has been twinkified and Wolfwood doesn't even have his tits out smh. Vash just comes across as having less agency and his motivations feel weak. I really just dont like a lot of the character decision here BUT to be fair, that's because I'm comparing them to the manga. But also, a main plot point is someone taking over his brother's body so that his sisters can get pregnant and it definitely still feels weird in context. The focus on the two brothers makes other dynamics a little weaker, and has led to a lot of incest-y fandom things which is ehh.

5.5/10 there are some things it does very well and it's very popular for a reason but I personally think the characterisations are disappointing. It's trying to strike a weird balance between being its own, new thing and also nostalgia for original elements, leading to some questionable pacing and plot choices. It doesn't even have Midvalley the Hornfreak.

I would love to be able to talk about Trigun with you and be passionate about the elements of it I love, but also I don't want to recommend it without giving you a fair picture of the parts I'm more critical about. I genuinely love the world building and characters, which are expressed best in the less accessible form of the manga but are also found in the animes. What I'd recommend is watching the original anime first, but also you might need to give it the benefit of the doubt for the first couple episodes which is where the dodgy 90s sexism is most obvious. I'd be super interested in hearing your thoughts and reactions to it if you did watch it, and also please bear in mind that my complaints about tristamp are personal and there are many who love that version so don't take my negativity as fact.

#asks #sorry that got LONG #YOU SHOULD WATCH IT #I REALLY LOVE IT #its just not perfect #trigun #trigun maximum #trigun stampede

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xiaojuun · 5 months

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to my beloved mutuals who contributed to the big birthday project spearheaded by millie i truly can't tell you how special and loved you all made me feel 🥹 it really means so much that all of you would take the time to share such thoughtful and lovely things. now that i have had all day to process and time to sit down to thank all of you ... let's gaaaur 😎

roro! @sunghanbin thank you always for your kind words and for seeing in me what i can only believe is the warmth reflected back from what you put out into the world 💖 i'm glad you've stood by me from my filtering nct era to my full on nctzenization without even batting a lash, even if my bias reveal was unexpected 🤭 #thanks_jaehyun

vianey! @souladies thank you so much for taking the time to wish me well and contribute to this. you are such an integral presence in my tumblr experience, i am always so happy to see your creations in my tag after a long stretch of not being here, and in so many ways it's you who always makes me feel welcome back 🥹

aweks! @awek-s my sweet bean, i hope you know i'm always cheering for you! i wish for a world where everyone can feel seen, heard, and supported by their healthcare team - i know it's far from the reality, but i'll always work hard to be at least be that nurse myself. you are so important to the world and to me, pls don't forget it 💖

rosie! @kimjiwoong I MISS U first of all and thank you so much for adding your love to the mix 💖 i cannot remember the day we first talked but that's probably because it's just felt like you've always been here, and i'm always excited to see you 🥹

lili! @ninqz my little crabby ... thank you for taking the time to contribute to this (and make me a gifset!) when i know it's been a hard and busy semester. thank you for always entertaining my random fun facts and for thinking they're fun in the first place ahbgjha and i hope we'll get to catch up more soon 💖

brina! @aquablues my babieeee and of course my little sibling 4ever (4brina). i'm so proud of you and learn a lot from the way you live so true to yourself. honored to be a virtual big sister and excited to see where life keeps taking u !! my love will be in that cargo pants pocket every step 😎

lulu! @fushigojos as you know i am always so fond of u ! even if we aren't living txt comeback to txt comeback together anymore . i'm glad we both feel the same 'forever-friend' kind of love. i'll always be in your corner !! 💖

sofi! @yeofi thank you for always caring about me and sticking around since the beginning of it all! no matter how busy we may get or how hard both of us are working (sometimes too hard) we always have each other's back 💖

miha! @jaebeomtual i got emotional for real 😭 thank you for being so generous with your love, i'm someone who i think struggles with putting affection into words and you make it look so easy while still feeling so genuine and managing to make me laugh at the same time as i am like my heart is going to burst rn . i'm so grateful to call you loml and hope you know how much positivity and peace and laughter i get from you.

aléks! @possession1981 one day we will hang out irl and it will be the easiest and best time ever. i'm always here for you and so glad that you trust me and that i can be like a big sister to you when you need it 💖 i always admire you and am so grateful for our friendship!

rachel! @gnanii my ate 💖 though we are definitely different, i think that's what makes us strong. i think i've said it before but i always have had a hard time letting people take care of me, and yet you manage to make me feel so taken care of in a way that's easy. thank you for being willing to travel for me, for sharing the pain of teumeism with me, for every jae selfie you make sure i see bc we all know i don't get weverse notifications, for sharing the highs and lows of real life as well as kpop, and for being the amazing friend and person you are. can't wait until we see each other again 🤗

mary! @dongkwan so weird to tag you in a tumblr post when we spend all the time just texting each other lol but i have to give you a shoutout for somehow managing not to tell me that this was being plotted. i'm so glad that i decided to get into kpop, immediately told you about it, and for how much it's continued to bring us together ever since. looking forward to embarrassing myself at omega x with you soon 💖

meg! @hozierbyrne what can i say really ... thank you for everything you did to help make this happen. you are a wizard of making me feel special and listened to all the time but it never ceases to lift me up regardless. i read all the things you think about me as a friend and i'm like no way, that's you! but i think it goes to show that we really are aligned in what we look for in a friendship, which is probably also why it's felt like we've been friends for decades instead of whenever things escalated on tumblr to the point of me being like sure i will get on a plane and share a bed with this person i've never met , . and i'm glad we keep getting on planes and i'm so excited for when you'll get on one to see me here. i promise to have the best, most cancelable powerpoint yet ready to present to you 💖 love u

millie! @berryjaellie clears throat what the heck this was so unbelievably lovely of you i can't believe you even considered for half a second that i wouldn't like it. i loved it !!! thank you for taking so much time to consider all of these Things About Me and talking to people about them and then putting it all together in this incredibly thoughtful, detailed, super cute package that i cannot stop staring at and have shared with my parents + irl friends because of how much it meant to me. and of course for everything you yourself had to share and say. ever since the first time you said something along the lines of 'not just a friend like you, but you as a friend' i really have started thinking more in that way and using that because it really makes a difference and i want you to know that i'm just as glad to have not a friend like you, but you as a friend. i laughed, i cried, i felt so treasured as i looked through this (multiple times) and that's all you and your thoughtfulness. thank you for being the first to wish me a happy birthday in the most powerful, loving way. it, and you, mean so much to me 💖

#WHEW ... TLDR I LOVE U ALL !!!!!!!!!!

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