#i have so many thought idek where to begin

[mbavisgay]

still havent recovered from young royals s3, its been a week since e6 came out and its still consuming my every thought.

[cashmere-caveman]

one thing i am really noticing on this rewatch is how long it takes for silver to start looking like silver. seeing him in (especially in the early part of) s1 always feels so jarring to me idk why but with everyone else already having their Look down (character driven style pivots of flint and eleanor nonwithstanding) he still feels very Unformed.

idk if thats just me on my nth rewatch projecting my foregone conclusions and opinions abt him as a character on him but i do think even w the change he undergoes being a very gradual one (unlike the previously mentioned pivot of eleanor from Pirate Boss to Ladywife or flints buzzcut of grief and political radicalisation), there is a definitive period where he is not yet locked in, so to speak.

i think what gets me as 'not silver yet' is him being clean shaven and that he wears light colours but genuinely. thats a chameleon still deciding which colour to turn while it watches the room and once hes decided with whom to side he commits not only to a 'personality' but also to a wardrobe style which in his case is first unassuming dark clothes and growing his hair and beard and then slowly bit by bit hes adding details like necklaces and rings and starts wearing his hair differently etc until he ends in his Coat Era once he starts to assume real power as he begins the transformation from 'john silver' into 'long john silver'

[magnusmodig]

||. gang i'm powerful i just watched all 5 45m episodes of AG.ENTS OF SHI.ELD that dealt with asgardians and asgardian history and i have so many thoughts and HEADCANONS rattling around in this brain

[pavosnoctua]

hunt

minors do not interact, ageless blogs do not interact

for @goxjo's Into the Omegaverse event!

cw: yandere, manipulation, abuse of power, non-con, afab!reader but very little pronouns used, pet names (princess, love, darling, honey), imbalanced power dynamics, stalking, general fucked up relationships, A/B/O, Alpha!Diluc, Omega!Reader, knotting, i did some very mild worldbuilding for this idek man, forced breeding, heat cycles, drugging, dacryphilia, unrealistic sex slight choking, some physical violence, modern day AU, extremely unhealthy “relationship”. I do not condone beliefs nor behaviors Diluc exhibits in this. not sfw

VERY DD:DNE

summary: You are an Omega with large dreams, and you proudly tell Diluc that you want to change the world. Diluc, however, has different ideas for you.

if i am missing a warning, please let me know!

When he first met you, it felt like an instant connection - like you two belong together. Or better, like you belonged to him. Diluc had never felt this way before about anyone - every Omega he had come across never so much received his attention that rumors had started to circulate about him, that perhaps his father had lied when he was born and he was simply a Beta masquerading as an Alpha. And Diluc had begun wondering the same himself, even with his baser instincts, he had no pull towards any Omega.

But your scent was sweet when you graced his office with a kind smile and an earnestness that dug at him. You were just a fresh faced journalist, such a pure thing - untouched, chatty, but not nervous. You'd told him that you wanted to change the world for the better, so that Omegas could live a life without an Alpha at their side and without having to get an Alpha's permission to simply live and exist.

That's cute is what he'd think to himself in the beginning.

"You have big dreams then." Is what he said out loud and you smiled a bit, but it wasn't as bright at first. He said the wrong thing. Diluc swallows. Somehow, Omegas are difficult to talk to - more sensitive, more emotional. "I mean - it's not that I don't -"

"It's not that you don't support it, but Omegas are at a disadvantage." You complete the sentence for him - speaking the words he did not want to say out of fear of offending you. "Silly Alpha, change doesn't happen overnight but it'll happen. Watch me." You talk to him as if he's an old friend and not some millionaire you were tasked to interview.

You are a challenge. And Diluc realizes he loves challenges.

He'd looked you up - Kaeya called it stalking, he calls it research. Somehow, he had managed to pull your number from somewhere, considered texting you - calling you, something before realizing that maybe his adoptive brother was onto something with such a strong word. It could put you off if he did, so instead, he goes the alternative route.

He emails you, asking if you'd be up for brunch or dinner. Something, anything, to get that sweet scent back. Anything to see that bright eyed look, the grin on your face, hear the challenge in your voice. Diluc hungers.

Much to his surprise, you'd accepted and chose a place. It's your favorite, is what you'd said in your email, where you'd attached a little smiley face. You might not like it, Mr. Ragnivindr, it's not one of those rich places.

That's okay, he tells himself and you. He can try anything just once.

The food here is greasy and gross to him but it goes well and you tease him for thinking about the idea of brunch - you're not rich like him, brunch is a rich person's thing. And Diluc accepts your little teasing jabs before realizing that the sweet scent isn't there, or well, it is but it's very much subdued. You're on suppressants and that bothers him.

If you were his Omega, he would not allow for such a thing.

Diluc swallows that thought, forces a smile and engages in conversation with you. You have many interests, many activities you like to engage in that you shouldn't, in his opinion. You're a delicate Omega, you shouldn't be rock climbing. Your soft hands should not feel such a coarseness. You boast about being able to drink your Alpha friend under the table and that's unbecoming of a proper Omega.

Each and every date after that gives him glimpses into your life - you do struggle paycheck to paycheck. But that never seems to deter you from anything. He could take care of you, if you were his.

If you were his.

You could be his.

(Planning has always been an expertise of his. He is a very patient man.)

And here you are - disoriented, tired, and oh so pliable.

"Good morning." You stare at him with exhaustion in your pretty eyes, your soft lips parted to talk but no words come out. "I'm sorry you're likely not feeling very good. I think you drank a lot last night."

You swallow - he watches the lump in your throat bob and all Diluc can think about is biting that neck. Marking you as his in ways that just cannot be undone. He hungers, how he hungers.

"Wh-what?" You groan as you sit up, rubbing your forehead. "I don't remember going out last night. I had - I had a report to write."

"You do not need to worry about such things." Diluc tells you, and the look on your face tells him that you're not that stupid, but you are confused. "Not while you're here." That seems to pacify the worry that must be running through your mind, and he does feel some modicum of guilt as he watches you collapse back on the bed. Your chest slowly rises and falls. You're prettier like this, he thinks. Asleep, vulnerable.

When you wake up again, it's late afternoon and you're panicked. Your footsteps pad hurriedly in the hallway, until you find him in his office, hunched over some paperwork. At least you have some ability to feel shame, with your expression and your head ducked down.

"Thank you for helping me, Mr. Ragnivindr. But I need to get going now."

Diluc looks at you. "Why not stay for lunch? You have yet to eat today." He can't have you go hungry, not when he's going to have you round with his pups. "

“I appreciate it but I have to go.” You tell him, the slight sense of fear hitting you in a way you never thought. “Seriously, thank you.”

“Stay.” He orders as if you were a dog, the command making you feel mildly annoyed. “Lunch will be ready soon. At least accept that.”

You draw in a breath and consider your hunger. Accepting help is a difficult thing.

Since you are going to be his, he will make sure you eat the best meals, have the best anything and everything you could ever want.

After an awkward lunch, where you don’t say much, Diluc humors you. You go to leave but the doors are locked from the inside and he has the key. There is a sick sense of satisfaction when you come to him, confused and worried.

You rally against him for a while - swearing, screaming, cursing. Behaviors he dislikes, behaviors an Omega should not exhibit. At first, he drugs your dinners - pacifies you well enough to make you sleep and stop screaming so much. The room he keeps you in, after you tried to escape by convincing one of the maids to let you out, is much nicer than that small apartment you had. Much better furnished too, so much so you can build a nest with anything you’d need. Blankets, stuffed animals, pillows - whatever you’d like.

All Diluc does is sit and accept it - calmly responding to your outbursts, not rising in the same heated fashion. It upsets you more.

One day, you do speak to him in a calmer manner - softer, maybe defeated.

“Diluc.” Your scent is sweet, it fills the air and he swallows. “I-I need my-”

“No,” he tells, firmly and watches you deflate. “My Omega does not need such a thing, you have me.” You shake your head.

“I’m not your Omega.” You argue. “You’re delusional.” Diluc sighs and leaves you be. He has other things to do at the moment, that don’t require arguing with someone so childish.

Your heat hits you a few days after - your pride does not allow you to deal with it nor ask him for help. But you’re miserable - hot, needy, maybe a bit nauseated. He stayed out the first day, accepting your demands for him to stay away from you. The second day had pillows thrown at him, shouting at him to leave you alone. You’d built your nest and it is a sacred place, but he ignores it.

“Let me help you.”

“All you do is hurt.” You respond and he clicks his tongue. Terrible choice of words. “Go away.”

He ignores you as he gently kisses you - you hit your fists against his chest but they’re too weak and don’t hurt. Diluc continues to kiss you everywhere, your eyes, your cheeks, your mouth, your neck - everywhere and anywhere and you still flail against him.

“I’m trying to help you.” He breathes, pulling away. “Please, let me help you, love. You’re such a mess.” He slides his hands underneath your dress, bunching it up as he trails them upwards and you go limp, allowing him to strip you. Diluc knows that every bit of your instinct is telling you to fight against him, but the pheromones he gives off is keeping you still. Or maybe you’ve given up for now.

Once your dress is off, he admires you as if you’re artwork - lovely, beautiful, needy. Diluc kisses the area just above your pelvic bone before ducking down between your legs and giving your slit a long, languid lick. You taste so nice, and the noise you make is like music to his ears. He focuses on your clit, altering between suckling at it and licking at it, carefully and gingerly slipping his fingers inside of you while you’re distracted.

He pumps his fingers in and out of you, curling them ever so slightly at times to find that spot that makes you gasp against his mouth and makes your fingers dig into his skin. He is a feral thing, desperate and hungry for more reactions out of you - more cries and mewls as he eats you out as if you were his last meal. There’s a cry from your lips as you come around his fingers, slick and glistening in the light. Diluc brings his fingers up to his lips and sucks on them, watching you with delight as you stare up at him with horror.

“Good girl.” He gently praises and you shake your head, trying to push him away but he easily pins you down with one hand. “We’re not done, princess.” You try to kick him but a slap across the face stills you - and Diluc is frowning down at you with disappointment. A finger strokes the stinging area on your cheek, before lips press against it. “I don’t want to have to do that again. Be good for me, okay? I promise you’ll feel very good.”

You whimper and he smiles - kissing your lips this time, allowing himself to devour for just a moment. Breathless, Diluc pulls away and quickly unbuttons and unbuckles his pants. He has to be inside of you now, his cock aches and your walls are wet and soft and spongy.

He bends one of your legs to your belly, glad you barely resist him now - watching your eyes squeeze shut as he guides his cock to your wet, needy entrance and slowly pushes in. Your hands pull at the blankets beneath you and he hums.

“Good girl, be good. You’ve got this.” His tender praises fall on deaf ears as you let out a cry - his size hurts and he has to force the rest of his cock inside of you. Your hands reach and grab at his shoulders, nails digging in and he groans. You’re so tight, you clench around him with need. For now, he lets you keep your eyes closed as he starts to move.

Every thrust sends a jolt of pleasure through him and it makes you gasp, he kisses your throat, teeth scraping against the tender skin. Diluc desires to mark you up everywhere - just so you remember who you belong to, as he’s definitely not letting you go after this. His pace starts to quicken, pounding into you without a second thought as you cry, wailing everytime he hits a sensitive spot inside of you.

“Look at me, princess.” Diluc rumbles, his voice deep with need. You don’t open your eyes. “I said look at me.” His hand is at your throat, fingers gently pressing against it and your eyes open. “Gonna put my pups in you and you’re gonna love it.” The knot at the base of his penis forms and you whine, coming hard at the feeling. Diluc is gentle as he kisses you, massaging every bruise, whispering tender words as you sob a bit as his cum fills you up. Lips hover above the spot where lovers would bite. And he bites down, pheromones filling the air and you whine. You’re forever bound to him now, and soon, the knot shrinks enough he can pull out. Semen slowly drips out of your used hole and you sob a bit as his fingers shove it back inside of you.

You think he’s done, that’s it but the smile he has tells you otherwise.

“We’ve got all night, my love. Let me prove to you how much I adore you.” At his words, he slams right back inside of you and you moan. There’s something inside of you that slowly realizes that you like this - it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth but you cling to him as he fucks you into the mattress without much regard now, his own rut taking over.

“You’ll be the best Omega in the world,” he groans. “For me, only for me.” He’s releasing inside of you again. “Princess, my sweet, sweet love, you’re so good for me.”

That’s all you can be.

[lains-reality]

hi :) i hope you’re having a wonderful day

you’re literally the only blogger i trust when it comes to non-duality, and your advice has been the one i’ve been most easily able to apply/understand. I hope this doesn’t come off as a vent, but it probably will just because this question is so complicated and problem riddled, and tbh idek if you’re actually going to respond, but yea. it’s like star wars you’re my obi wan kenobi! my last hope lol

basically i’ve put my life on hold and procrastinated everything i’ve needed to do. (TW: death?? health problems/sa?) I went through a really bad year, last year. the human character i identify with (non-dualistic terms, bc ik this character isn’t me?) was sa’d in the beginning of the year. really traumatic. i dropped out of school, i couldn’t go out of the house because i feared for my life. i became super paranoid. i reported it and filed charges, but the justice system is fucked so.

anyways, after because the amount of stress i was experiencing, i became very ill. my biological father wished death on me, and i believed it at the time, because my sibling wished for me to get raped, and then it happened. i can see now, how my belief may or may not have been the cause of what happened. i then got cancer. the doctors couldn’t figure it out for months, and even ridiculed me- saying how i relied on google.

i finally went to a specialist who was immediately concerned, and then confirmed my suspicions. i was sort of friends with a blogger on here who got into the void and manifested their dream life. they went into the void for me and affirmed that i no longer had cancer, and that i could tap/wake up in the void. the next day, the huge lump/tumor on my neck was gone. all of my ailments- trouble breathing, patchy and rough skin ceased. i literally told my mother what happened which made her start believing in the power of “manifestation”.

because of the paranoia, and then cancer- i didn’t go to school my last 2 years of school. i switched to online, but never felt the need to complete my classes because i knew i would get into the void. i’ve gotten into the void, both by waking up/tapping into it but i haven’t been able to change my awareness, or “manifest” bc i was just mumbo jumbing words or poetry. i didn’t apply to university, because i thought i’d enter the void before then and revise my school grades + make it so i got into the university of my choice.

now, i have a week left before i have to finish my classes- which i have 7 of them, and so many assignments. i have to move out in the middle of august because i lied to my parents and said i got into university, because i thought i would’ve already changed things with the void by now. my life was fucked, then i fucked my life. after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now, yet i haven’t. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, because i was able to show myself the truth of reality (as lester levinson said).

i am really stressing because now everything is falling down on itself. i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go, yet it’s so hard when teachers are bombarding me with messages how i have to finish the classes, or how i have to move out soon. i know this is probably ego driven, but i feel as if i can’t see a way through because of how attached i am to this. my health has also been abnormal, which makes me fear that the cancer has returned. what should i do?? im kinda freaking out.

anyways, i am so sorry if this came across trauma dumping/venting. i am just at a point where i do not even know where to begin to conceptualize this into understanding. this took a lot of courage to type, as im a bit afraid still- that people who hurt me from last year will see this (even though i know they won’t, but still). i totally understand if you wish not to post this or answer it, as it is very long and limiting. thank you though! i hope you have a wonderful week:)

this was quite difficult to answer as i've never been through so much turmoil all at once. i hope this answer helps and you'll continue taking care of yourself! (i'm sorry i linked way too much lol just don't read it all at once!)

firstly i want you to rest.

you've been through a lot and you've also been putting off a lot to get into the void. stopping life for manifestation is common it seems, its not healthy either. so much pressure is coming from time. you put all your expectations on a method, and i'm gonna guess that you also put so much onto your mind to get you into the void.

practically: your biological father sounds abusive and so does your sibling, i would be more careful around him. idk if your not around him anymore, it sounds like it? but you need to plan accordingly for your lie. are you gonna tell your parents or ?

theres a massive chance you'll just go crazy trying to figure out all these moving parts, so i suggest do what you can and leave the rest. do the minimum to keep you safe, then figure out the rest as it comes. do whatever you need to do, just remember to not take on too much at once.

ask for breaks on work at school for medical reasons, maybe think about jobs, etc. you see how much more could come into the picture? but this is all the body-mind can do. its easy to treat it as god, but its not god.

"but i feel as if i can’t see a way through"

You fail to do the works of God, because you take the body to be God. - Ada B. [4dbarbie]

take a look at these meditations:

butter meditation

peace meditation

surrender meditation

un-identification exercise

crying meditation

i'd like you pick one of these exercises:

feel all the shit. feel bad. just do it. let all the bad feelings out. put on sad music and fucking cry. cry it all out.

let yourself rest, with no problems. if a thought or feeling comes in just let it, because its not a problem remember? :) just put on some calming music or visualise a calming place. and let yourself have some time with nothing. no conditions. no perfection. no obligations. no 'have to' 'should' 'must'. let that go for this time

feel as if you've died. feel as if you've been completely forgiven, feel as if there was a powerful white light that washed you away of all the crap. really feel as if the divine came down, hugged you and said 'i love you and forgive you'. its all over. finally its all done. you can rest. (i suggest kickstarting this with imagery or music, its hard to generate feeling such grace on you own. i saw a jesus holding a baby lamb picture that made me burst out in tears and realised that all i wanted was just to be, no obligations. i imagined waking up in a heaven, in a gaint flowerfield. do what you want)

one time i did the 1st and 3rd exercises (i made it up on the spot) and it was worth it. the next few days felt much better. its like an exercise in rebirth. let yourself be reborn.

some days you'll just do one or all 3. pick what ever feels right in what ever order. but i suggest that 'feel as if you've died' or 'no problems' comes last! the whole point is to let the painful emotion pass through and settle in a neutral or grateful place.

"after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now"

here's the problem, you went into a philosophy intending to manifest. yes,, (1) you can do that (2) its okay, AS LONG AS YOU DONT MISS THE POINT. the point being that there is no person! the character is a character, not you. manifestation is just another concept, you can use it as long as you understand that its not real. thats why i shared the BOOKS, you need to READ.

"i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go"

don't force yourself to forget (don't say you're not forcing it, otherwise you never would of wrote "TRY"). just let them be. deal with it when it comes up. the mind'll want to make a bazillion plans and stress. if you can make plans without spiriling, then do it. if you can't, don't. there will probably be some things you need to plan and thats okay. but everything else, leave it.

you haven't actually let it go, you're here in my inbox. you do not need to force letting it go. you naturally let it go by realising who you are in relation to it all. if you think you're the body-mind then its impossible to let go, because its your life and it involves you and if you let it go to shit, you might die!! - says the mind. but if you're Self, then this is not you. all those stories mean nothing compared to Infinity, Absolute Perfection and Love!

the Self is who you truly are. Self is still underneath it all, it is all. its imagining itself being a human. the character is the wave, YOU are the ocean. ultimately this is about realising all the identities, images and roles that "you've" taken on and used as reference are not you. how can a story be you? how can the past be you? are you the past? are you currently living in the past? you can be if you keep bringing it into the now.

when you stop using the past as a reference point, how much more posibilities come up now?

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it can't access infinite intelligence. that's why it'll try to project into the future, and make plans. but it doesn't truly know. all it does is give suggestions based off the past. it is a combination of identity based off feelings, thoughts and memories that is collected and turned into a habit.

the past, memories, feelings, thoughts, identifies, roles etc all pass through you. they all come up like waves and then leave on THEIR OWN. if you hold onto these (which the character wants to do, it thinks thats all it is) it'll be painful when they are threatened in some way. a simple remark of "oh you look xxx" can be so painful for some characters because they based their whole life on a singular identity that WILL go.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. [4dbarbie]

this is not a forcing thing, its just a rememberance. its done out of love, passion, a desire to just be free! with no ties to whatever identity! its takes courage, not convincing or denial.

Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did? What are changes in your psyche, do you feel more confident, do you feel like you could take on the world? Don't you love Vanessa now that you know that she always was a choice? Even if she wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? [4dbarbie]

are you sure you're reading books and posts? a lot of this is already answered. your case is just more to deal with, but the point is still the same: you are not the body and mind, see what would happen if you questioned them.

just KEEP IT SIMPLE!

i'd like to leave you with this.

Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.” [source]

some extra resources

eft - health fear

eft - afraid to feel

we cannot practice letting go

heart of an emotion

i want to wake up with everything

hafiz - love's victory (PLEASE WATCH IT)

trust yourself

"You think you're doing it all for nothing, that's why you don't do it. But is freedom from pain really nothing? At least you are, for once in your life, sighing from relief from all this never-ending sense of doing."

health anon

apply

"All the process requires is letting go of thinking you are Vanessa."

behaviour

letting thoughts and emotions pass

challenge yourself

stories

everything brings you back to your Self

you've been through a lot and i'm glad you still are full of love! otherwise you never would've tried in the first place to change anything. use that love, take any anger and turn it into love for freedom! for Self! i know you can do it!!

also: the feeling of bad health coming back is a sign to me. you've put so much on hold: your healing from the sa, the healing from your family, the lying, LIFE in general. you can't keep doing that. turn inwards. the fear won't consume you.

[krisdreaming]

Pairing: Kita Shinsuke x f!reader

Summary: Literally just papa Kita fluff :')))

WC: 831

A/N: I've been in SUCH a Kita mood lately, it's unreal. This ficlet just flowed out of me, idek where it came from. Tbh I have another fic for him in mind but idk when I'll actually write it aha.

Coming inside after a long day of working in the fields is one of Shinsuke's favorite things. His muscles feel warm with an almost-pleasant ache after so many hours working hard in the sun, and the thought of all he'd accomplished that day fills him with contentment. He makes his way through the house in search of his favorite sight of the day.

He finds it in the nursery. You've just finished changing your son, and now you're tickling his chubby belly, eliciting the sweet sounds of his giggles. You're laughing, too, and the way the sounds twine together is like music to his ears. He leans against the door frame, resting his cheek against the cool wood as he silently watches the two of you.

"Okay, time for your jammies," You eventually coo, turning to the dresser and pulling out a soft blue and white footie pajama set. Your son is babbling away on the changing table. Neither of you have noticed him yet, and he doesn't quite want to break the spell. He watches you tug the pajamas on, and can't help but smile at the soft pinch you give to the baby's irresistibly pudgy leg as you do so.

"All done," You finally announce, lifting him up and pressing a kiss to his soft cheek. "Now, let's go see if Papa's finished working yet." Finally, you turn and catch sight Shinsuke. His smile widens, and you let out a soft gasp of surprise.

"How long were you standing there?" You ask with a breathy chuckle. Having caught sight of his Papa, your son begins to squirm in your arms.

"Not too long," He assures you, stepping into the room to meet you and take your son from your arms. He babbles happily, digging his fingers into the fabric of Shinsuke's shirt. "Hi there," He turns his attention to the little one in his arms, lifting him up to press a few kisses of his own to his cheeks. "Looks like somebody's all ready for bed."

"Yup," You nod, resting your hand on your husband's arm. "Do you mind watching him while I take a quick shower?"

"Of course," He says quickly, leaning in for a kiss. "Take as long as you need. I've got him."

"Thanks," You press another kiss to his cheek, then head off.

"Yer Mama's pretty amazing, ya know," He says softly the moment you're out of earshot. "She takes such good care of ya, even though Papa has to spend so much time outside." Your son blinks up at him, a smile breaking out on his face at the attention from his father. "I know how much ya love her, too," He adds, "I can tell. Probably love her more than yer Papa." He chuckles, without a hint of jealousy. "Can't blame ya. I love her a lot too. More every day."

Your son's eyelids are starting to droop, and he slowly rocks him as he makes his way to the living room. "That's right," He murmurs as he settles down on the couch, gently laying him on his lap. "Just go ta sleep."

He doesn't say much after that, just admiring the child in his arms as his eyes slowly close. His little nose looks just like yours, and Shinsuke rests his fingertip on it ever so gently. Sometimes he just can't resist the delicate features and soft skin of your son, caught up in the wonderment that this small human is a perfect combination of the two of you.

He studies him until you finally emerge from the bathroom, freshly showered and dressed in a soft t-shirt and shorts. You join them on the couch, tucking your legs up beneath you as you rest your cheek on Shinsuke's shoulder, joining him in peering down at your son.

"I don't know how you always get him to sleep so quickly," You murmur. "I'm a little jealous."

Shinsuke shrugs slightly, then presses a tender kiss to the top of your head. "Dunno," He says softly. "I just talk to him."

You shake your head. "Well, whatever you do, it works." You laugh quietly, lapsing into silence for a few moments.

"We should get him to bed," You finally say, sitting more upright. "If you put him down, I'll get a quick meal together for you. I'm sure you're starving."

"I'm alright," He assures you, unable to hold back the smile starting to tug at his lips. "I'll put him down, and then we can make somethin' together." As the two of you stand, he leans in to press a kiss to your lips. He lingers more than he means to, and your hand comes to rest on his cheek.

"I love you," He murmurs as he pulls away, smile mirroring your own.

"I love you too," You reply, and land a final peck on the tip of his nose. Every single moment of his work day is worth it, just for moments like these.

[stuffeddeer]

just thought of the most rom-com scenario ever. reader is the new hire for the ADA and immediately off the bat, dazai is dazai. reader just takes it as the typical sense of humor and just laughs it off, thinking he’s not actually interested considering his many various ventures. eventually the two of them are assigned to missions quite often (with atsushi as a third wheel) and the two get along great in terms of humor, personality, work in the field… it boggles atsushi’s mind that the two of them aren’t at least going on ONE date. one night dazai tells him in a drunken stupor over the phone he has feelings for y/n but doesn’t want to ruin what they have. y/n ends up telling atsushi they don’t know what to do if they keep getting missions with dazai because one of these days they may slip up due to him just BEING there. he ends up confiding in both yosano and kunikida about it when the two are out of the office and they both just go “y/n and HIM??? anyone deserves better than THAT” but yosano means it in a more teasing way and kunikida means it in a serious way because. kunikida. thus begins a quest for atsushi; to bring the two together, and it drives him NUTS because the two both don’t think the other likes them. dazai assumes y/n would rather have interest in any other guy and y/n assumes dazai would rather have interest in any other person. this ends up with many funny scenarios such as:

1. atsushi leaving a note on dazai’s desk that reads “i want to talk to you in the hallway at __ time today.” and leaving an identical one on y/n’s desk so they can cross paths outside of working together and possibly start a convo and go somewhere. it backfired and the two just say “weird coincidence. everyone must’ve got this!” and wave bye

2. atsushi trying to subtly tell dazai y/ns favorite flower and he just says “oh, that’s great! are you getting them a birthday present early or something”

3. even kunikida being forced into trying to help by asking dazai if he is interested in hanging out with him and y/n (so he can pretend to end up being sick and it would just be dazai and y/n) and dazai saying “oh, is this some sort of elaborate scheme you’re planning on order to have a date with y/n and so it won’t be awkward with just the two of you? i’ll pretend to be sick when it happens for you!” LIKE GOD DAMM DAZAI STOP BEING INSECURE ITS YOU BOY?!

basically stuff like that goes on so much to the point where when the ADA is out celebrating a successful year of missions at a karaoke bar atsushi just yells out over the mic: “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH THIRD WHEELING HERE!!!!! Y/N AND DAZAI YOU BOTH likeeachother-“ and they’re just. WHAT

(SORRY FOR ALL THE TEXT LMFAO)

anon you literally wrote this for me idek what to say you’re so cool

Atsushi’s eyes widened. “What?! I can’t go on this mission, I have, um… an appointment.” Nailed it. “Dazai can take my place! He’s not doing anything right now.” Normally, Kunikida would have pointed out this obvious lie, but he remained quiet - pretty much everyone in the agency knew what he was up to.

Dazai actually was doing something for the first time in a while, but surely this mission was much more important. The brunet took off with you, headed out on an actually very unimportant mission you definitely could’ve taken care of on your own while Atsushi planned.

The tiger boy was quick to tell you and Dazai upon your return about tonight’s important karaoke celebration! And when you tried to weasel your way out of it, Yosano had practically dragged you down to the place. You were ushered next to Dazai as Atsushi and Yosano chose songs for everyone to sing. They said it was to make sure Dazai didn't pick something depressing or you would try to bail out again - this way, everyone had to go. But also... this way, you and Dazai would be stuck singing a romantic duet.

Of course, the two of you took it horribly wrong (in Atsushi's opinion), you both fully committing to the "joke song" Atsushi selected, wholly pretending in the moment. He'd wanted some romantic moment where you two realized you were destined to be together, but you both are just so stupid—

Atsushi had been up next, and was gripping the microphone tightly. He wasn't one to let his anger take over, but this was just getting ridiculous. As the opening notes played to the song he chose, he shouted out your deepest secret, and Dazai's as well.

You both like each other.

With slack jaws and wide eyes, every agency member stared at Atsushi in shock. He'd turned pink as he realized his mistake, muttering apologies as he placed the mic back down. Tense silence filled the air, the only sound being the scraping of Ranpo's spoon along the ceramic ice cream dish he'd ordered.

After a moment, Yosano started clapping. "Someone had to say it, and we all knew they wouldn't."

The rest of karaoke was horribly awkward for you and Dazai. You'd moved ever so slightly away from each other, completely embarrassed. What if Atsushi had just made up that Dazai likes you back? What if Atsushi had just made up that you like Dazai back? All either of you knew is that he had yelled out your biggest secret, and neither of you were too excited to sing anymore.

The lights had been turned on and everyone was gathering their things. It had been a fun night out, all things considered. Yosano got completely hammered and Ranpo couldn't direct his way home if his life were at stake, so Kunikida and Atsushi led the both of them back to their homes (with Kyouka right on Atsushi's tail). The Tanizaki siblings had left a bit before everyone for whatever their reasons were, so just you and Dazai were left standing outside the karaoke bar, awkwardly gazing out at the quiet city.

"So... tonight was different, huh?" You spoke anxiously, picking at a loose thread on your top.

"I didn't expect Ranpo to be that good a singer," Dazai replies with a polite smile.

You sighed. The last thing you wanted was for things to turn awkward between the two of you. "Listen, Dazai— "

"Do you want to walk home with me?" He cut you off.

You smiled softly, letting out a small chuckle. "Of course."

[lazorbeanz]

Why do you personally ship, like, or appreciate Sonamy? What got you into Sonamy? What’s your favorite moment between the two?

Why do I ship Sonamy?

Okay, ima admit it..for someone who is a diehard sonamy fan, and thinks about AND ONLY about them literally every waking second, I can not think of ONE reason why I ship them to begin with….

“So you just ship them for basically no reason WHY?!” Pretty much 😅

And I’ve seen so many other people give their really good reasons and opinions on why they ship sonamy, and I full on agree with ‘em, but as for myself, I rack up nothing…and it’s my favourite ship too I mean come onnn TwT

I’ve also had my sister ask me this same question not long ago, and all I could do was just sit there and think “Damn your life almost revolves around these 2 HOW CAN YOU NOT HAVE AN ANSWER?!” I constantly beat myself up for this because I know I should 😭

And I mean, stuff like being the dynamic duo that they are, (whether in battle or not) their attitude and affection for each other evolving over time, respecting the other’s wants and needs, respecting boundaries (kinda the same thing tbh lol) , enjoying each others company, and just how the whole idea of sonamy has turned from what some people may see as “toxic” or “forced” (that might be the better word for it) from early 2000s media, to something more laid back and healthy like recent media because of all the character development over the years… etc, etc…are all fantastic reasons, and even reasons I would now apply as to why I love the ship even more…BUT they’re not the reasons I began to ship them in the first place, because these things I NEVER took into consideration when I starting doing so.

To put a long story short, I just saw pink and blue hedgies and was like, “ooooh I sense chemistry”

I feel like I could be going no where with all this. But all I’m tryna say is that I LIKE sonamy simply because of who they are…just a speedy blue boi and his hammer-wielding pink girlie. I APPRECIATE them solely because of their existence, especially in my life. They are like- one of the few things I ever look forward to these days. I SHIP them because unlike any other ship that has sonic or amy in it, sonamy just… “works” (I don’t know how to explain it but you know what I mean right??) And despite not being canon, (YET! 😏) they have got to be the closest ship to becoming canon (besides vectilla) ..unless I’m just biased :p

What got me into Sonamy?

Well, I did kinda just answer this in the previous question lol but I have to elaborate!

So yeah it started off with just seeing them 2 together and thought “I like where this is going hehe” tho tbh it never really went anywhere…because I was watching Sonic Boom at the time XD, the first piece of Sonic media I consumed since regaining an interest in the franchise. AND WE ARE NOT going back to like 2015 or 16 when I first discovered Sonic…idek what I did regarding shipping back then…I think I like shipped blaze and shadow or something OH LAWD-

Also to think that those short lived Sonamy moments in Boom didn’t even bother me in the slightest?! Present me is disgusted by such lack of interest or care! 😫

Okay okay I’m straying from the question, I’m sorry!!

There are a few things that got me hooked on Sonamy. First was definitely the tv series’. Boom, Prime and X all had adorable and wholesome moments that I could’ve almost died of cuteness from! Some of it was also hilarious too. In Sonic boom for instance, sonic and Amy would fight like a married couple lololol

Another thing (and this was the game changer) was the fanart and animatics. These became the addiction for me; one comic would lead to me reading another, which lead me to read another and so on. Or I’d find an animatic on YT and watch that and then begin scavenging trying to find more animatics to feed these cravings of sonamy I was beginning to gain all of a sudden.

And it just got worse and worse to the point I practically need a daily dose of Sonamy or I just might go feral

But I mean, how could I not?! YOU GUYS ARE SO GOSH DARN TALENTED AKJDJSJDND

Sadly now my food hath runneth dry over the months…so if any of u like come across anything sonamy pls don’t hesitate to tag me or send it to me pls I need it ajhshsjs

On top of all that, came the brainrot. My growing love for this ship and all the incredible media really sent me into a serious Sonamy delulu era. Literally almost ANYTHING can send me into deep thoughts about those 2, no kidding. I literally planned out in my head an entire story of them a couple days ago. Sometimes it’s a head canon or 2, other times just something extremely wholesome I’ll imagine them do and I’ll be deceased. Those rats live in my head rent free omg-

As I said, ANYTHING can trigger this brainrot; a song, a scene, a quote, a random object…you name it, I’ll come up with a Sonamy headcanon in relation to it.

I can’t also forget other sonic media that also boosted it like game cutscenes and IDW. Lately IDW has been CARRYING it for me with the little Sonamy moments like in the 900th adventure, #67 and other tidbits I’d find in former issues. The amount of frames I’ve seen of them hugging warms my heart waaa🥺🥺

Overall, this fandom has really impacted me and my love for Sonamy. (and sonic in general) all the things I’ve learnt and discovered have made me love them all the more because of it. My life has almost become an Sonamy aesthetic now…I am NOT joking when I tell you my PJs are Sonamy coded, and that was hardly intentional…🤣

Favourite Sonamy moment?

Arrghhh why just one?? Pretty much ANY moment involving those 2 cotton candy hedgies are bound to be my favourite!

Totally not saying this cuz I can’t pick a favourite *cough cough*

Take this, it’s the only Sonamy image I really have in my photo album rn.. (I should be in jail for this)

Its one of my favs so it counts :)

Woowee that just about covers it! Now you know all about my weird and wonderweird love for my favourite ship :D 🩷💙

[jeonqkooks]

the moon, and all the stars | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader

rating: G

genre/warnings: established relationship, idol au, fluff, lowercase intended

word count: 763

note: idek what this is but idec because right now i'm still just so proud of our koo and so amazed by him, so utterly in awe of his talent and hard work. i love him to the moon and to saturn and this is a little love letter written in a haste of overflowing, well, love i have for this man :(

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

does he know how loved he is? by you? by millions of people all over the world? does he know how proud you are? how your whole chest is overflowing with so much joy and adoration for him that it’s almost suffocating?

he must know. right? there’s no way he doesn’t know.

the world outside is dark, only illuminated by lampposts and lit windows where people sit with loved ones, away from the winter that’s just beginning to come around the corner.  tonight, everyone must be tuning into the same thing you’re waiting for — one of the most coveted events of the year, where you’ll find your love shining like the brightest star in the whole universe.

your heart drums along to the beat of the music, in anticipation of him. you’ve been buzzing for half an hour now — like you are the one filled with adrenaline even though you’re just sitting in front of a TV — but you’ve been excited for days, maybe even weeks, ever since you heard the news. every passing minute where he isn’t on your screen feels like a century. every tick of the clock in which he’s not where he should be, should be considered a crime. if there’s anyone who deserves every single good thing in the world right this second, it’s him. he’s worked so hard for this for so long that it makes you ache sometimes. if there’s anybody who deserves to be happy, please let it be him.

him.

him.

him.

finally, when he makes his long-awaited appearance, that dazzling smile playing on his lips for the whole world to see, your heart completely breaks.

it breaks from all the love you’ve been carrying, for him and only him. it breaks from the feeling of boundless pride, of immense and utter relief to see him, on top of the world with all eyes on him, bewitched by every flick of his wrist, every snap of his hips. you’re no different. you, too, are mesmerized by him like it’s the very first time. he never ceases to amaze you, no matter what he does. your superstar. your pride and joy.

devotion turns into tears in your eyes, filling them and spilling over, blurring your vision momentarily before you hastily wipe them away with the back of your hand, not wanting to miss a single second of him.

you want to tell him, i love you. i miss you. i adore you. if you could, you would realign the stars so they would spell out his name. you would take the moon from the sky and hang it on his bedroom ceiling to glow, to reflect the glittering light in his eyes. you hope one day you could. you hope the universe would let you.

you watch as he owns the stage, hitting every note perfectly while making so many hearts flutter all at once. especially your heart. maybe your heart is the only one that he wants to stutter on purpose. after tonight, you know so many more people will fall in love him, will yearn to know what makes him tick and what he thinks about when he lies awake at 3am. but you’re the only person that he grants this privilege to. yours is the only heart he returns to.

what did i do to deserve someone as wonderful as you?

when it ends — all too quickly, may you add — you sit there in a daze, staring at nothing in particular while the broadcast continues but you’ve already drowned out all the sounds since he disappeared from the screen. it’s over. it’s done. months of preparation in exchange for three brief minutes wherein he doesn’t have to carry the whole world, but he’s the one standing on top of it, burning bright with a force that could rival the sun.

it isn’t until your phone vibrates some time later that you realize you’ve been unmoving for a while. his name paints your vision the most astonishing shade of gold. his handsome face appears again in your hands, so stunning, so beautiful that your heart threatens to burst at the seams again. if you were there, or if he were here, you would run into his arms, bury your face into the crook of his neck where home is. you would whisper in his ear everything you wish to tell him in this moment. but for now, this will have to do.

with a tired but content smile, he says, “hi, love.”

thank you, for existing. thank you, for letting me love you.

all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted 20.11.2022]

[leopardom]

✨ sappy post incoming ✨

(and a little trigger warrning for the vague mention of suicide)

i’m not gonna do any gig reports for now because last week still feels like a fever dream and i can’t really put my thoughts in an order that makes sense. but i just wanted to stop by to say how much i love the vibes and creativity of this fandom and how happy everyone was when it came to meeting and trading/giving out their creations while queueing for the gigs or even when they were over

in Munich, Milan and Padova i got to meet so many people from here. with some of them i chatted more and with some others less. but in any case it absolutely warmed my heart to finally see all those people i see on tumblr but like, in real life! i got to trade my stickers for bracelets/stickers/art/fan stuff, got to see everyone have a good laugh because of my stuff and also got to complement people for their crafts. and i'm telling you i really meant every single word because as i already mentioned, i love the creativity of this fandom 💕

last weekend i began my trip with pretty much nothing on me and now i'm back home with a bag full of bracelets, a folder full of art and a heart so full i wanna cry. i mean look at that:

1) idek where to begin with the tags of the artists, i’m still confusion but i’ll try to come back to this post again later with a clearer mind

2) “big juicy” bracelet you will always be famous @greensolsikke <3

this last week was a tiring experience with many ups and downs but at the same time it was probably the best week of my life so far

i'm getting especially emotional about it all because this whole frenzy concided with my birthday (on the 29th of March). this may sound cringe or what, but on the actual day of my birthday and when everything was over, i was sitting alone on my hotel bed in Milan and was thinking how this last year of my life started in the worst way possible and how it was only escallating towards the worst every single day. during my 26 i reached a new level of low, a bottom lower than the one i had reached when i was 20-21 (and that was a bad bad time). and yes, there were a few times when i was close to ending it all because it was too much. my 26 was pretty much like hell

but now i'm glad i didn't give up and pushed through all the struggles. because if i hadn't, i wouldn't be able to experience last week. i wouldn't be able to see some of my dearest friends again, to meet all the amazing people from here and from twitter, to see one of my favourite bands perform for three nights in-a-row and to listen to all my fave songs of theirs live and even cry my eyes out to some of them (Barve Oceana in Munich, Padam in Milan and Metulji in Padova really were an Experience). can safely say that my 26 ended with a bang and it was a very good one 😌

i'm feeling sad that this is over but at the same time i'm so warm inside and so happy that it happened. and i would do it all over again, especially if it meant meeting you all again or meeting even more of you from in here. i have never felt so welcome by people who technically only knew me as a tumblr user and i never thought this would happen, considering how awkward i am when it comes to interacting with people online and in real life

anyway i think i've talked too much and i'm slowly loosing my train of thought because the thoughts and emotions are so many right now. i just wanna thank each and every single one of you for making the past week so special and one of the best weeks of my life. i'm beyond gratefull 💖

sincerely, the curly head with the meme stickers 🫶

[ahoyimlosingmymind]

About lava cake, I want to hear your thoughts about how Marella, as a pyrokinetic, is technically considered talentless in the matchmaking system. Therefore making Fitz and Marella a bad match. How do you think Fitz would react when he realizes this, knowing this could end up in a similar way to Sophitz?

-lava cake anon #2 ;)

Oooo this is a hard one. I'm open to any thoughts!!! @autistic-daydreamer @myfairkatiecat @sacrificialloving

What I'm about to write is so half-baked, I apologize in advance lmao I think it would begin with Alden or Della pulling him to the side and noting how much time he's been spending with Marella-- at this point, Fitz knows he has feelings for her, but he's also very aware of the ramifications. They remind him how important his reputation is, and how it will hurt not only him, but Marella, her family and his own.

He doesn't want this to end the way it did with Sophie. He doesn't want to care about it. But he does- especially as his age creeps closer and closer to the time he's expected to have a winnowing gala. For a while, he starts to distance himself from Marella.

And because she knows him so well, she clocks the reason almost immediately. However, she doesn't confront him on it immediately like she normally would. Because part of her is just as terrified of being a bad match. she doesn't want to hurt his reputation either. She doesn't want to ruin his life. And really, she doesn't want to handle the scorn either. They've talked about it in the past, how big of a deal it is to do things by the book.

But the desire to be with one another is so powerful, that at some point- Fitz takes a leaf out of Keefe's book- finds a forbidden cities leaping crystal and asks Marella to go to the human world with him. It's stupid and reckless. He's never done anything like this. But he's really starting to feel trapped, and well-- he's not friends with Keefe for no reason. He understands his childhood bestfriend's desire to run. He's just never been brave enough to do it before.

But this situation is the final nail in the coffin. And he's just like 'Well, let's seen if Keefe's method really works.' (it's the first time he feels he's ever done something for himself. It's freeing. and terrifying.)

Marella agrees to go with him after a few weeks of radio silence. Because in the human world they can just be. They both agree that this will be their final hurrah, and then, they wont pursue anything with one another. They'll follow the paths laid out for them. However, this does not work, and they end up just secretly dating-- the lie dangling over their heads.

Fitz, of course, realizes he's a hypocrite for it. For suddenly being so willing to do this with Marella, where he wasn't with Sophie. His whole life he has been watched and seen as an image. But Marella is the first girl to truly see through to who he really is, and to shed the false perceptions she had of him early on in their friendship. Whereas, part of him- though he denied it at the time- always felt like Sophie also saw him as perfect in many ways. It was an idea she wasn't quite ready to let go of when it came to him- It feels different with Marella. And besides, Sophie has Keefe now. (but of course, Sophie is still hurt by this when she finds out. Not enough to cause friendship ruining drama, but definitely like 'damn ok ig' lol)

Marella gets exposed as a pyrokinetic at some point, which leads to massive scorn, on top of people finding out they're together.

It's a mess. They probably break up a few times in between everything-- but then one day, things calm down. The Neverseen is defeated, and real societal changes are made, and while it isn't perfect, you can't erase a way of thinking completely, it makes it easier.

Or maybe they just fake their deaths and go to live among humans idek

[valentine-writes]

ur writing is super good!! sorry if i’m piling on with this, but any angst with miguel? i need this man put in a blender

if you need to be mean

「 tws + notes: vv possibly ooc, unedited, spider-person reader, unhealthy dynamic, assorted angst, hurt/comfort ending, reader is cold, miguel doesn't know how to deal with emotions, everyone is a wreck but they're all trying so hard :( </3 」

「 gn!reader, man idek if this is platonic or romantic tbh y'all r just messy here 」

↳ ft. miguel o'hara/spider-man 2099

author's note: THANK U SM!! and i got u!!! i am. so excited 2 practice more for him– anon please don't be upset w/ me,, but,,, (´∩｀。),,, i physically don't think i can write Pure Angst. i wud b no good at it!! :p so! hurt/comfort in the end ๐·°(৹˃̵﹏˂̵৹)°·๐ i CANT JUS,, END IT SAD,, </3 i am so so sorry!! also so so real putting him in tha blender at the Highest Speed ever,,, he iz my milk webkin fr (lovingly) (kinda) some real quick stuff: this was gonna b short but i Overdid It and im still unsure whether i like it or not. and also. i was supposed to have the reader being mildly Messed Up™️ too cuz "hehehehe letz make this more difficult >:))" (also becuz miguel is NOT the only one allowed to have issues + too many angsts i have read where reader jus takes what miguel dishes out passively and i didn't want that) BUT I ENDED UP MAKING IT WORSE AJDHDQWHJE,,, hopefully this is. angst galore. again i am not great w this <( _ _ )> <//3

▸ maintaining a healthy relationship with miguel– in any form– proves to be difficult.

this is especially prevalent in the beginning stages of your developing relationship. you begin to learn that he is terrible with verbally expressing any affection he feels towards you. some days he seems almost so completely distant that there’s valid reason to worry that he just doesn't care about you anymore.

these worries are the furthest thing from the truth– miguel hasn't cared about someone to this extent in a while. still, he finds himself lacking, completely unable to tell you how much you mean to him.

▸ sometimes he grows fearful that he's become too attached to you. he aware he's in too deep at this point, yet conflict rages on in his mind: whether it's better to hold on as tight as he can to keep you in his life, or let you go before something rips you away from him.

part of him is worried it's only a matter of time before something happens.

these thoughts are usually quelled by drowning himself in tasks and missions, using his focus on work as a means of distraction.

when there's nothing left to shut them out, he chooses to avoid you instead of seeking reassurance.

there are times when you don't see him for days straight. he doesn't send you on any missions, doesn't contact you, actively avoids you when you're inside of the HQ– and when you eventually see him again, he avoids speaking of it. you both understand you're meant to pretend like nothing happened.

you're not beyond doing the same to him. miguel is distraught with how similar you two can be, how you reflect him and he reflects you in unique and awful ways– ways that only the two of you can understand.

▸ whenever you choose to be the one to spontaneously ditch, however,,, there are moments where he gets desperate and ends with him seeking you out,, usually by assigning you a mission just so you have a reason to come back

no matter who leaves– whether it's you or miguel– you both end up taking each other back in the end, half-heartedly reaching the unspoken agreement that this is the way you two “reconcile.” you grow accustomed to this back and forth.

you're both wonder who this is hurting more.

▸ never wants to be seen as clingy or needy. wants to convince himself he can make it on his own, that things are somehow better that way. miguel feels a deep frustration in the fact that he can't seem to process his emotions in a proper manner.

he seeks solace in solitude, even if it never fully works. he's willing to settle with feeling "okay" instead of "better." (self isolation moment.)

asking for help on missions is one thing. asking for personal help is another, which means that offering him support on his bad days is always a hit or miss.

most of the time, if someone chooses to extend their hand to him, it's typical that he swats it away and insists he doesn't need anything. he doesn't accept help easily– even when it's from you.

▸ there's always the off chance he lets you stick around. he's silent as you find a place for the two of you to sit down. once he’s comfortable, he leans against your side.

the quiet in the room isn't tense. it isn't scary. you know he just doesn't want to talk about what’s bothering him often. he can't even verbalize how much you mean to him– how is he meant to explain any of his other emotions to you?

"it's okay." you whisper, breaking the silence in the room. "just... take your time."

even though your words are as soft you can manage, it feels like you're yelling in contrast to his complete wordless state. you glance over at him. miguel doesn't meet your gaze.

"i'll be here for you," his expression softens ever so slightly at your words as you reassure him, "i promise."

he only mutters one word in response: "don't."

▸ (next headcanon based off of this art from instagram. slide two specifically.)

you can still remember the first time he ever cried in front of you. it's been a vivid memory in your head ever since it happened– not because of why it happened– but because of how it happened.

"you haven't been around for days, miguel." it's been almost more than a week since you've last seen him. this time, you sought him out– not to bring him back into your life, but to confront him one last time. after deliberating for longer than you cared to mention, you finally decided you were going to make things right or get out of his life for good.

and there he is, standing on his platform. it's lowered to the ground, the orange holographic screens surrounding him empty, displaying nothing. they emit a soft glow in the dark of the room.

"tell me what's wrong." you demand. the tone in your voice is unfamiliar to him. you're not making any effort to conceal how thin your patience has been wearing.

his back is turned to you. he doesn't say a word until you approach the lowered platform he stands on.

"go away."

"what? like you've been doing this entire time?" you retort.

"go away." he repeats more forcefully. his anger doesn't scare you away. nothing ever does.

you stare at him unflinchingly. "not until you tell me what's wrong."

miguel knows you're going to stand firm. you're going to stay until he tells you. as he lifts his head, glancing over his shoulder to speak to you, you brace yourself– you wait for him to yell. to lash out. anything.

he just looked at you. his eyes, stinging with tears, meeting your stare.

you don't remember what was hurting him that day. you can't recall what made him breakdown in front of you. no, this is the part you remember.

miguel's large frame looks so much smaller as he attempts to shrink himself, as if trying to hide from you. he averts his gaze, trying to blink back the tears and fails horribly.

he has nothing left to do. miguel hides his face in his hand, even if it’s only the two of you in the room. he’s humiliated– completely ashamed– that he can’t seem to stop his crying. for a moment, you’re frozen, unsure of what to do.

it's a drastic change from how you know him. standing in front of you, miguel seems more like an inconsolable child, rather than the detached and icy person most knew him as.

"don't look at me." those are the only audible words miguel manages to choke out between stifled sobs. he cries like a little boy.

and you hate it. you hate how hard he makes it hard to stay angry at him. you hate that no matter what you do, you can't stay away.

the tension in your body dissolves slowly, jaw unclenching as you sigh to yourself. you’re caving already.

it takes you a moment, but you know you can't leave him like this.

slowly approaching him, you quietly wrap your arms around him from behind, gentle enough for him to pull away from your touch if he didn't want it. he doesn't protest. you swear you can feel him subconsciously lean in.

"it's okay," you mutter, "i got you."

▸ miguel makes sure to talk to you the next day after you comforted him. to your surprise, it wasn't to tell you to keep that moment between the two of you– he knew you well enough to know you wouldn't say a word.

he was there to say thank you. simple and plain as that. he thanked you for sticking around. thanked you for being there even though he constantly pushed you away.

and you couldn't find the energy to respond. horribly disheartening to miguel, considering this is the most effort he had put in to communicate with you– but understandable. he didn't push you any further.

as awful as it felt to know, you didn't want a thank you. you didn't need his gratitude for your stubbornness.

it was much too late for a thank you to resolve the days he left you without a word, only to return expecting everything to be the same. it was much too late for a thank you to make you feel better about the fact you ended up comforting him even after everything. those words couldn't fix anything.

you wanted a goddamn apology.

▸ it's been almost three weeks since you'd last been seen around the spider society hq.

nobody seemed to be aware of the reason for your sudden disappearance. miguel was worried sick.

his temper is shorter, his patience is waning, and he’s willing to snap if anyone even mildly irritates him. it’s an unpleasant experience for everyone.

he'd tried to find you by tracking your watch, which proved to be useless. you were too clever for that– you'd made yourself undetectable, somehow disabling or destroying it before you left. miguel could’ve hunted you down, searching every place in the multiverse to find you again, once more to see you. but he didn't have to. the moment he had decided to start the search, your watch went active again, allowing him to locate where you were. like you were beckoning him over.

he didn’t hesitate to meet you there, stepping through a portal to get to you. notably, you weren’t in your own universe– but he wasn’t going to scold you for that. not now.

there you were. it was almost dream-like to him, seeing you sitting in the grassy fields in the middle of nowhere, the outline of your frame illuminated by the moonlight. the night air was filled with tension, as you sensed him approach from behind and quietly sit beside you.

he’s the one to break the silence. your name slips from his lips, as he’s about to speak up–

"hey." you greeted flatly, cutting him off. you glance at him with a weak smile, chuckling dryly. "so... you need something?"

"...no." miguel glanced around at the unfamiliar setting. just before he can get anything out, you part your lips to speak again, looking up at the dark sky, glittering above the two of you.

“i forget that new york doesn’t have the best view of the stars.” you murmur. “light pollution and all that shit… so y’know,, this is nice. i missed this type of view.”

he nods in agreement, though the small talk about the stars isn’t what he wanted from you.

you continue with your little ramble, seemingly just saying whatever came to mind. “speaking of cities– how’s your corner of the multiverse been? has nueva york been fine? feels like forever since i’ve been there.”

miguel tries not to be distracted by your casual conversation or your obvious allusions to your absence. he sees the way your shoulders are held tense, the way your gaze flits over at him expectantly– miguel knows you’re just waiting for him to talk about it, anticipating what he’s oing to say next.

"i– look–” he takes in a breath, finding the words he had been planning to say all this time. “i know. i know i messed up, and i messed up a lot. …i just came here to tell you i'm sorry. for everything."

there’s a momentary lapse of silence between the two of you. the tension is immeasurable as he watches you shift your sitting position, facing him entirely.

"you should be. asshole."

miguel sighs. “i… really should’ve expected that.”

“you know, migs? i tried so hard to just leave you alone.” the previous confidence in your voice wavers. there’s no bitterness in your words, no malice. he hears it in your tone: you’re just worn down, utterly emotionally exhausted.

he hears a sniffle, causing him to turn his full attention to you. the tears glisten as they fall from your eyes and drip down your cheeks. you make no attempt to shy away.

“what are we gonna do now?” you ask, looking over at him. your voice is faint. small. “i can’t let you go– and for fuck’s sake, you won’t even let me– so… what now?”

“i… don’t know.” he confesses. his hand makes his way to yours, placed atop it. his other wipes your tears away, trembling as he touches your cheek with all the tenderness there is, like he’s afraid he might hurt you. he whispers your name again, and it is the sweetest sound you’ve heard in a while.

miguel usually thinks he’s no good at comforting others. but in this moment, you would’ve never known that. he doesn’t hesitate to pull you into an embrace, holding you in his arms like you’re the most precious thing in the world. he’s not leaving you to suffer alone. he’s not leaving you like that ever again.

“you don’t have to forgive me.” he whispers to you. miguel knows he can’t repair all the damage he’s done. he knows you might never be able to look at him the same. And for once, he’s fine with that. he just needs to know you’ll be okay. “...just, please. let me do this for you.”

[kodachromantic]

wrote some braindump abt the hawthorne timeline last night cause when you think about it there are a lot of questions and ideas to put in. idek what happened but all of a sudden dahlia became a very interesting character to me (iris too but dahlia is just kinda surprising)

huge mega spoilers for aa3, also large and likely boring so uhh read more

thinking abt dahlia and how weird things are in the beginning of her timeline before things actually start happening and im trying to think of how to fill the gaps. what age were they taken away by their father? isn't it crazy how the family relation is kinda sorta glossed over for all of this?? mia and dahlia are COUSINS, BRO, FUCKING COUSINS AND PEARL IS HER SISTER LIKE!!!!! BITCH!!!!! there's a 4yr age gap between d/i and mia. were misty and morgan somewhat estranged maybe?? we know morgan lived in fey manor, but was that just bc she was maya's caretaker or would she have lived there regardless? did she leave once the master title was given to misty and then moved back in later? mia could be young enough with some leeway for them to have been taken when they were toddlers and have no memories (if they lived in different houses or something).

dahlia thought morgan abandoned them bc they had little/no power but that brings up a question of when can you tell of one's spiritual power? i feel like it makes sense to just say, you can't tell that young, thats just the reasoning dahlia came up with or maybe what her father told her. age here depends on how many memories you want them to have of kurain & morgan, if any--maybe 2-4 y/o so mia would be 8 at most.

how long did iris live with dahlia and their dad? how old were they when their father remarried? i'd kinda put this at around 8-10 years old just as a feeling. how long was iris around until she was taken away? did bikini know her origin? did she speak to morgan? oh god imagine bikini alerting morgan and morgan is either pregnant with pearl or just had her and rejects iris coming back in a cruel twist of fate (i think im using that right? lol) bc although morgan didn't abandon them bc of their lack of spiritual power, she now doesn't want iris back because of it

okay 14 years old now, post fake kidnapping. wiki says valerie found dahlia and took care of her. so dahlia was considered legally dead bc terry was arrested for her murder. i think i forgot valerie forged all the melissa foster documents and just assumed dahlia did those herself or even just didn't have documents?? i mean it says "unable to get her original papers" so i didnt think of valerie making any new ones. and then post/during fawles trial, she's just given her info back? i mean edgeworth knew who she was. nothing really happened?? it was just, yep that stuff was weird but here's ur id back. do u think her dad thought she was dead, did he believe in the story or knew it was fake? do u think he gave a shit??? does dahlia live with valerie afterwards? she was 18 at the time of the fake kidnapping, so 18-22 years old taking care of her (valerie died at 23, dahlia would be 18 when valerie turns 22)? or did she go back home to her dad like "whoopsies" and her dad just does not care i dont even know what happened to the diamond after. i guess the two were able to pawn it and get the money that way rather than from the dad and that's how valerie looked after dahlia?? either they lived together or valerie set up dahlia with a living space and sent her money or she just lived independently with valerie checking in. it feels vaguely like ema like "who took care of this child and where did they live"

the idea of valerie taking care of dahlia and somewhat being that parental figure for her but it's too late for dahlia for that sort of kindness to change her path. she was also probably too close in age so dahlia would be like "whatever bitch" as you can tell dahlia & iris have become very interesting characters to me over the past few days lmfao

wait thinking on it maybe dahlia did know they were cousins. she knew morgan was her mom, she saw the last name fey and mia's magatama, thats not hard to put together

------

thats the end of what i wrote lol, i've been trying to write a comic idea out for the past couple days in the evenings abt dahlia and iris and i kept getting into roadblocks, first just the idea of writing and how daunting/hard it is, but then later the timeline and how it'd work and if my ideas for it even fit. so i had an idea for them to talk about their father briefly but then remembered dahlia jumped off the damn bridge & melissa foster and it got me down a rabbit hole. so now i'm either going to rethink that section or just plow through like fuck it and maybe change my idea for the timeline at a later date. who knows if it'll even be made w the pace im going lmfao!!!

i do like that bikini/morgan interaction tho i think i'll try and make that. if anyone reads this at all first of all hi teehee second of all if you want to do that idea literally feel free i wouldnt be upset in the slightest. lil egotistical of me to assume someone would want to tho LOL

[obislittleone]

Come What May

Episode 1/?

Obi-Wan Kenobi x Padawan!Reader (little one)

Warnings: not much in this one, it’s kinda just easing us into the new setting tbh. Maybe mentions of slight depression, talk about the past?? Slight spice? Idek at this point.

A/n: whats up whores, i missed ya… here it is, the beginning of our new story. I wanted to just kinda jump right in off the bat with this one, so there’s not a lot of delay with the action lol

The humble abode is quiet most days, as you spend more time outside than in. The dreary dry weather of Tatooine had not yet driven you to insanity, so you preferred the outdoor setting to the small home you’d slowly been learning to love. The sand was something to work through for sure, but other than that, it wasn’t the worst place to be. You often thought about your planet of origin, the muddy slave planet Mimban, run worse and tirelessly now by the empire. The whole galaxy had changed so much in a year, you could hardly fathom it. The emperor whom sat at the helm of it all only watched with a demented satisfaction as the legendary forces grew over all corners of the galaxy, but you watched with sadness, knowing the once pure and progressive democracy had been demolished for good. Many good people had died, and you and your husband were left to pick up the pieces. Nothing could be done, no one could be saved. Nothing else matters.

He was working in a small manufacturing plant in Mos Eisley, bringing home credits that provided little luxury. You didn’t realize how much the order gave you until it was all stripped away, gone in an instant and taking everything down along for the ride.

The pain from the past was slowly dulling. It was there every morning when you woke up, and every night before you drifted off to sleep in the arms of your love, but the moments in between weren’t as hard as they used to be. This was the hand you’d been dealt, it was up to you to decide how to play them.

You meditated almost daily, before your shift in the cantina, and after you closed up shop, kicking the drunkards to the curb in order to get home in time to see Obi. He came home earlier then you, but also left very early in the morning, most times while you were still asleep. His sweet kisses to the side of your face, or on your bare shoulder before he left were always felt, even while dreaming. He was everything. Your one reason to keep going, your true lifeline.

“How was work?” You cralwed up behind him, as he was sitting hunched over on the edge of the bed. He was being dragged through the ringer at his place of employment, but he didn’t think it would benefit you to know. He braved through his days, with you on his mind. You were worth the large amounts of upset he encountered daily.

“Better than yesterday,” he admitted, it was the truth. He leaned into your touch as you let your hands wander the expanse of his shoulders. He feels every movement individually, and it calms him. Your force presence has always been strong and commanding, but among all things it was calm, and it was peaceful… and it gave him hope.

“You’re warm, are you feeling okay?” You wanted to check in on him, because though you sensed he was being honest, there had to be something else he wasn’t telling you.

“This whole planet is warm, my love.”

You chuckled into his neck at his response, and shook your head.

“I mean you seem feverish, Obi,” you corrected, and he huffed. Maybe another distraction could deter you from digging deeper. He looked over his shoulder at you, barely catching your eyeline as he smirked.

“I guess that’s simply the effect you have on me,” he turned more, forcing you back from him and into the worn mattress. You knew where this was headed, and though you held no real protest, you just had to tease him.

“I have that effect on most people, don’t take it personally.”

Of course, he is unbothered by this. He nose dives into your neck, nuzzling there as he placed the most gentle kisses upon your skin. He knows he doesn’t have to worry about you having that effect on anyone else. He knows you’re his for the long run, and he isn’t even going to think about how badly you would injure anyone that ever tried anything. You’re his, and he’s yours.

-

Work was slow, it seemed there was far more commotion happening outside than in the cantina, which was unusual for this time of day. After work, the crowds came rambunctiously piling in to drink their misery away. You often put on the show of their lifetime just to put smiled on some of their dreary faces. You’d gotten quite good at the tricks up your sleeve, tossing drinks and flipping the mixer in the air. The force may have been a contributing factor in your newly developed skill, but your boss didn’t need to know that, or anyone else for that matter.

You knew that if another force sensitive being ever entered those walls, they would feel your signature immediately, but you never worried about it, never thinking it could be a bad thing.

The force, through all the troubles and woes it allowed you to go through, was still your center. The way of which you lived your life around. You may not be a Jedi any longer, but heck, you still acted like one. You even still wore your Padawan braid like it was the most natural thing in the world. No one ever questioned it, so why should you have to hide it away? You still believed that someday, you and Obi-Wan would have the time and be comfortable enough in your living arrangements that you could travel to a beautiful planet, where he could invoke upon you the trials himself. Even if it were never official, you’d be a knight, and could think of the title with pride.

The cantina was ablaze with wld noise for only a second as the door opened up. You recognized the patron, as she was a regular in the bar. She stumbled in, her wild curls bouncing as she shook it off and strolled up too the bar. Her youthful face was strewn together in a look worn to make her seem ten years older. You knew she couldn’t be much older than you, if she was at all.

“Boy, it’s crazy outside. Glad to see this place still intact,” She said, leaning on the countertop as you slid her the usual.

“What’s going on?” Usually you never bothered to ask about town drama, or even little altercations that may ensure. It wasn’t any of your business, and you no longer felt the need to step into citizen affairs. It didn’t concern you anymore. You were not a keeper of the peace, you’re just a bar tender.

“Imps, what else?” She rolled her eyes, slamming the drink back and setting her glass back down. You wasted no time in refilling it. She hated Imperials, you knew that. She only ever complained to you about them, and as much as the topic was. Sour one for you, you listened. No one hated the empire more than you and Obi. You both understood the people’s pain. It’s only been a year, but it’s taken so much. “And don’t get me started on those nasty new troopers. They got em’ just about everywhere, now.”

“What do you mean by everywhere?” You turned to her with a more pointed expression. You saw the ships fly in this morning on the way over, but figured it was just another routine check in. A one stop, to pass through and make sure everything was the way they wanted it to be. Now they were staying? “Peli, what do you mean by everywhere?”

She sighed, staring at her drink for a moment, and just turning the glass in her hand. Everything was going downhill, the panic of the people was setting in, and freedom was becoming something you had to earn, as decided by the Empire.

“They stationed a couple hundred around Mos Eisley this afternoon, no one has the option of turning them away. If the Empire deems your place of work necessary, it’s getting watched like a hawk,” She explained. Your face went pale, and you closed your eyes for a moment, trying to reach out through the force and feel the outside presences around you. It was so crowded, there were troopers every corner. “They even put a squad in my dad’s landing pad. I always wanted to work it someday… Probably gonna get claimed by the Imps before then.”

You tried your best to hide your sudden fear. There weren’t any troopers in here yet, there was a chance you could be overreacting over nothing.

“I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. They’ll probably clear out soon,” you reassured with a forced smile. The young woman before you had lived here all her life, long before you ever set foot in the sand. She knew that this wasn’t just a routine check in, and that there were bigger forces at play.

“I don’t know, it seems pretty serious. People aren’t taking it well, there’s been riots all day… It’s strange,” she paused, finally taking a swig of her freshly poured drink while she pondered her words. “It’s like they’re looking for someone.”

Your blood ran cold and your gaze hardened against the counter-top. You took a deep breath in, and had to regain your sense of self before you looked up and responded, nonchalantly as possible.

“I wonder who it could be.”

“Whoever it is, they must be important for the entire town to get invaded,” she finished her drink, throwing some credits down after her glass and shaking her head with a roll of her eyes. “I gotta get back to the pad, wish me luck.”

“Good luck, Peli,” you took the credits and nodded to her, waiting until she was gone to turn your back on the door. You wait to hear the door close after she was out of it, but instead, it stayed open longer than usual, and brisk footsteps were heard coming up behind you. You turned around, keeping your guard up just incase there was a trooper, or an unwanted patron, but it was quickly let down again and replaced with a smile when you saw the familiar face. “Obi, what are you doing here? I don’t finish for another hour.”

He raised a finger to his mouth, indicating the need for silence as he scoped out the room for remaining drinkers. There weren’t many, knew figured as much. He turned back to you with an aggressive stare, pulling you by your forearm so that he could calmly whisper in your ear.

“Don’t make a scene, go get your things from the back and come right back here.”

His urgency was one you recognized, but it had not been used since the war. He pulled back and looked at you with a heavy weight in his eyes. You didn’t question him, you only nodded, and did what he said. You ‘things’ were not much, but when he said the word you knew exactly what he meant. You always carried it with you, knowing there could possibly come a time when you’d need it. Your lightsaber, concealed in a flask case that was never touched. You grabbed it off of the wall, pulling the strap over your head to lay across your body, and grabbed the jacket you’d gotten for the cold nights. You slid it on your arms and went back to Obi.

“What’s going on?” You asked under your breath, never letting your voice raise, even in the uncertainty. He was quick to wrap an arm around your shoulders, ushering you to the door as casually as possible before murmuring silently.

“We’re being hunted.”

-

Tags:

@cool-h-posts @honestlywtfisgoingon @fandomstanner24 @elvenrin @b0xerdancer @theatrelove3000

[padfootastic]

Hey padfootastic,

Was scrolling through hp posts and saw a post where people were fighting over Remus situation. So just wanted to know your opinion bout it. Do you think Remus could have done better in PoA? He was a professor, responsible for the safety of others.

No matter how much I love Sirius but at that time he wasn't innocent in others mind, so hiding a big detail that could have affected the whole situation, hell, had Sirius really had been behind harry, he would have been dead cause our little innocent Remus here thought that it was a good idea to not tell them how Sirius had all the resources at his disposal. How easy it was for him to sneak into Hogwarts and harm harry and others.

It really was dangerous and well indirectly he did prove Snape right no? What do you think could have happened had Remus had guts to tell Dumbledore about Sirius being an animagus?

On the other side, oh man! I can imagine Sirius being all furious and depressed at the same time. He'd need to go for another plan, he'd think that now he won't be able to even see Harry easily and many more difficulties. Ugh

Imagine the angst after after innocence thing, Sirius letting go any single drop of love he might have had for Remus and treating him like a any other person. No different. Remus hating himself more and more and Sirius just. Not. Giving a. Single. eff. About the whole damn thing. I cant-

Please tell me what you think bout the whole situation.

yoooooo

i love this lol people asking me for my remus opinions never gets old bc i have endless salt to provide. i will never not be annoyed by that cretin.

okay so. PoA. i don’t often focus on that part of his whole arc (which is, funnily enough, one of the only concessions to remus’ ‘flaws’ that i’ve seen the remus fans give lol) but it’s honestly so??? like it’s literally one of the best examples we have of how self preservation is literally built into his core. iirc he doesn’t do it bc he’s afraid of how dumbledore would perceive him? doesn’t want him to know how they (he) broke his trust? and he’s willing to damn an entire school of students PLUS his best friends son to an alleged mass murderer for it. he will have that on his conscience rather than self introspection a bit and get thru the hard part.

i’ve seen people call him brave for a variety of reasons which all begin and end w his lycanthropy but i’m gonna be honest, he’s one of the most cowardly characters in the series in my opinion. every single time he has to make an active decision that might compromise his sense of self/perception or even just his peace of mind, he backs off. retreats. runs the fuck away. attacks outward. doesn’t take responsibility.

i think snape was both right, in that remus was helping sirius but wrong, because it wasn’t out of any friendship or responsibility. it was just a way to save face for himself. also probably him not wanting to confront any difficult feelings or memories.

wrt if he had told dumbledore? man idek. i literally can’t imagine it and surprisingly, haven’t read any fics exploring that option either 🤔 sus, that. also very telling lol maybe tightened security? disappointed dumbles? i cant see any major changes tho bc even sirius as a grim was pretty well hidden except maybe anti animagus wards if those r a thing?

also yes!!! i think sirius should be allowed to be angry and disappointed more often. he should be spitting mad about the fact that not only did remus not care a lick about harry, he also gave up so easily on sirius. i think he should be allowed that space.

[variousqueerthings]

WATCHING THE MESSENGER: THE STORY OF JOAN OF ARC (what a mouthful) FINAL THOUGHTS (sort of, I'm never done with Jeanne D'arc):

so the thing that's interesting about this one is that in writing her young and inexperienced which she was and also wrapped into this movie's depiction of womanhood and in the way it writes mental health is that she's got this sort of "idek what i'm doing or what the consequences are" vibe to her a lot of the time, especially after the first big battle and she sees all the corpses around her and has a meltdown followed by what seems to be dissociation for pretty much the whole rest of the film until her death

and the other thing is the things it chooses to play very straight and the things it does very differently -- so the killing of her sister in the beginning, which gives an early trauma to hearken back to and an added "impetus" for her to go to war, and which never happened vs the very specific sources it chose to deal with for her relationship to gender presentation (shocker i'm going into that), opting to nearly totally brush past it until the scene where she's "forced" to wear men's clothing again and gets burned for it -- which there is, to be clear, textual evidence that she wasn't given other clothes while incarcerated and did get judged for that, but also noticeably didn't include any of the other writing related to her visions telling her to wear men's clothing and this movie heavily mixing joan's visions with her as someone who's got a mental health issue of some kind, it's interesting that this snag of the clothing was mainly done away with, because it's a film that doesn't totally engage with her as someone with agency. she's mad, you see. that is the focal point. and what does "wearing men's clothings because the visions told me to" have to do with this madness? nothing, in fact it's kind of... not-very-mad-seeming

which is interesting as a counterpoint to a version i saw in the globe, which kind of went "an interpretation of joan as ye olde non-binary and also a lesbian" (this is flippantly written for brevity's sake, it was doing more than that, but that is the gist) which i did enjoy for the way it brought together a massive community of trans and nb theatre-goers within the globe and really felt like it was more for us than for joan, which i had struggles with because it went so far into the other direction of making everything a bit too modern for me. a bit too "joan's doing these choices with the idea that one day men's clothing will become allowed and joan has an internal sense of gender that coheres with modern sensibilities," and being a little timid around the religious and vision-y side of things

which is the crux of joan. you probably won't get a version that you're totally satisfied with, because joan As Figure encapsulates so many seeming paradoxes that we project ourselves onto. there's a distinct messiness to her that is very human in a way you don't always feel to quite this extent with mythos -- probably because of those court records and the subsequent early writings and the fact that she was nineteen years old when she was killed and it wasn't really that long ago comparatively

I think this movie struggled under the weight of that humanity, not for lack of trying to show it, but a. because of whatever personal bias besson went in with (which included basically stealing the project from kathryn bigelow and casting his then-wife mila jovovich, so youknow. there's some Vibes inherent in that already, and i do think bigelow could have done much more with both the feminism and the action, both of which were very uneven in this version imo) b. because of whatever other weird choices were made (i still think it was incredibly ugly-looking and many of the actors were flat -- not you, vincent cassel you were great) and c. because a movie possibly can't do it justice in the first place idk. we'll keep searching

obvs the passion of joan of arc is a masterclass. but it manages to get around a lot of these issues by essentially being all about the trial and a study of one of the most evocative faces ever put to silent film -- now that's giving "because the visions told me to"!