#i have started on my to do lists/spreadsheets for the rest of the year so i am going 2 chill out on that and stop thinking about the

[justinefrischmanngf]

oh my god i'm so stressed this is ridiculous what is going on !!!!!!!!! okay this is fine i know what i'm doing

[silverwhittlingknife]

Dick Grayson & Tim Drake: Reading Guide

Once upon a time, two kids met at a circus... and the rest is history.

table of contents:

who are these losers?

what's fun about them?

why a reading guide?

how does the reading guide work? (tl;dr: there are quick recs, a selected chronological list, and a complete chronological list)

where is the spreadsheet? (x)

who are they?

Dick Grayson and Tim Drake: the first Robin and the third Robin.

Also known as the circus boy and the earnest computer geek, the hotshot and the pretender, the slighted prince and the new apprentice, the acolyte and the hanger-on, Nightwing and Robin, Batman and Robin, Batman and Red Robin, and Marcia and Cindy (BftC 3, N 110 & 119, B 617, DC 677, Detention Comics 1, R 168, RR 14).

Or as Jason calls them, "You idiots" (TT 47).

More seriously, Dick Grayson is one of the most enduring comic characters ever - he's been around since Detective Comics 38 in 1940! He's Batman's first ward, first partner, and eldest son. When Dick's parents are murdered, Bruce identifies with him, comforts him, and takes him into his home, where Dick ultimately volunteers to join his crimefighting mission. By candlelight, the Dynamic Duo swear an oath: That we two will fight together against crime and corruption and never swerve from the path of righteousness!

Tim Drake was created in Batman 436 and formally introduced in Lonely Place of Dying. He's a lonely kid who imprints on Dick when they meet as children, and Dick hugs him and promises to do a quadruple somersault for him; he's horrified and worried about Dick in the aftermath of the Graysons' murder, which he witnesses. He watches Batman comfort Dick, deduces Robin's secret identity, and becomes a secret devotee of the Dynamic Duo. Though he admires them both, it's ultimately Dick who he idolizes and tries to emulate when Bruce is spiraling: Batman needs a Robin. No matter what he thinks he wants.

Their slow-burn strangers-to-friends-to-brothers-to-antagonists-to-brothers-again arc develops from 1989 to 2011, and it's one of the standout examples of the DC Post-Crisis era's commitment to gradual character development and careful continuity.

what's fun about them?

SO MUCH!!! But one of my favorite things is their friendship has RANGE!! They go from sweet kids to tense strangers to loyal friends to brothers over the course of real-life years and tons of comics. They fight, they tease each other, they get protective, they worry, they chase each other down, they walk away... there's just so much story here.

They meet at the circus as children, when both their parents are still alive. They meet again, years later, when Bruce is reeling from Jason's death and they team up to stop him from hurting anyone. In the early days, they're brothers-in-arms and never quite family - instead, Dick is Bruce's loyal-but-estranged eldest son, and Tim is Bruce's new loyal-but-wary apprentice, with his own family and his own semi-estranged dad. The slow process of evolving toward found-family is a delight to watch.

They work together as Nightwing and Robin over four years of in-universe time and for over twenty years of real-time, gradually forging a fierce bond of friendship and, ultimately, brotherhood.

Then Bruce dies, and they have some huge fights.

But even when they're estranged, even when they're not speaking... they never stop loving and trying to protect each other. No matter what.

why a reading guide?

Quotes from New Titans 60 and Batman 441 (1989), Nightwing 25 (1998), Nightwing 69 (2002), Red Robin 1 (2009), Red Robin 12 (2010), Gates of Gotham 3 and Detective Comics 874 (2011)

I think reading guides are cool!! And somebody asked me about one!

More generally, I think reading guides are always helpful, but especially with Dick & Tim... you know, when I first started out trying to read their comics, I got kinda overwhelmed. Because on the one hand there's SO MUCH CONTENT - they're one of the classic enduring friendships in all of post-Crisis! their relationship is a HUGE BIG DEAL! they're constantly calling each other and hanging out and supporting each other and arguing!

But at the same time, all of that content is scattered across lots of different books, in Robin and Nightwing and Detective Comics and Batman and New Titans and Titans and Young Justice and Teen Titans and Shadow of the Bat and Gotham Knights and Birds of Prey and Showcase and DC Holiday Specials and so on and so forth. There's not One Definitive Place where you can read The Dick-and-Tim Story.

So: a reading guide!

how does the reading guide work?

Dick and Tim are in over 400 comics together and over 800 comics each separately. That's a whole lot of comics! So I've made a spreadsheet with three different reading guides, depending on how interested you are in these two:

1-5 Quick Recs: If you just want to check out a couple comics, check out these quick recs for "if you like fluff," "if you like angst," etc.

200 Starter Comics: If you want to do a comprehensive, chronological Dick-and-Tim read without committing to all the comics, this list has some of their major team-ups plus some solo comics so you know what the heck is going on. Most of them have a "sneak peek" you can use to decide if you want to read it.

Big List: A complete list of all the comics Dick and Tim are in, in chronological order, with links to dc.fandom and to DC Universe Infinite. It has filter views.

This spreadsheet was a labor of love, obsession, and SO MUCH PROCRASTINATING doing other things. I update it sometimes.

where is the spreadsheet?

it's here. have fun <3

[copperbadge]

What do you mean by digital cleaning?

It's something I've been working on more this year because I had a bit more travel than usual so couldn't do actual home cleaning, but I always take a couple of days in the Month Of Cleaning where I'm focused on my digital life. It's good to make your physical home a comfortable place for yourself, but it's also good to recognize that we have "digital" homes that need attention. And often this is at least less physically demanding, so it's good to keep it in your back pocket for days when you're mentally okay but physically too tired or sore to do more of that kind of work.

In the shortest possible terms, digital cleaning is just making sure that your phone, computer, socials, and other digital "presences" are organized in a way that you find helpful, and that you take a moment to either answer those messages you've been putting off or give yourself amnesty on doing so.

This tends to make a lot of people extremely anxious in a way ordinary physical space cleaning doesn't, so I'm going to put the rest of it behind a cut...

So when I say digital cleaning, I refer to stuff like going through my likes on Tumblr and clearing them out, going through my drafts and turning them into queued posts, answering my asks. I spend time in my email inboxes, either responding to messages or removing them. I am not an "inbox zero" kind of guy, but I like to keep the read-but-not-answered messages to a minimum, and towards the end of the year that usually means a clear-out and amnesty. I clean my Google Drive -- delete old files I uploaded for others, move documents I'm no longer using into an archive, move documents I want to work on into a central work folder. I go through my catch-all folder on my hard drive and organize it; I sort through the year's photos and organize those, partly to archive them and partly because I make a scrapbook from them each year. I don't usually have a ton of tabs open but often have more than I'd like, so I go through them all and either read, bookmark, or get rid of them.

I look in my phone's file tree to make sure I delete files I don't need (mostly menu downloads, Restaurants Stop Making Your Menus PDFs Challenge 2K24) and I sometimes go through each app on my phone, make sure I still use it, and make sure it's set how I want it. If this sounds like a nightmare, bear in mind that I very rarely put apps on my phone to start with -- I think my mother has more apps open at any given time than I have apps on my phone ever.

Everywhere I clean, I look for files named things like "notes" or "deal with" or "random" and move them all into one place so that whatever is in them, I can sort through it and make sure it goes somewhere permanent. Logins go in the login/password spreadsheet I keep, addresses go into my contacts, story notes go into a "fiction scraps" file, random thoughts either get moved into a journal file or put into drafts to become Tumblr posts, etc.

If this sounds like I might have some kind of compulsion disorder, I get that; when I explain my digital hygiene systems a lot of people look at me like I'm spouting a mad but harmless conspiracy theory. But it's something I used to have to do periodically even before I created National Clean Your Home Month, because otherwise I could never find anything, and everything was just...harder. As I once told a boss who admired my organizational skills, "It was this or endless chaos."

Putting addresses into my contacts list means I always know that the addresses I have for my friends are up to date. Putting logins into a spreadsheet means that five minutes spent now will not result in five weeks of procrastination later because I can't find the login and can't do anything else until I do that. Going through my email and archiving old conversations means not only can I find them easily when needed, I don't have to look at them the rest of the time. Sometimes I even go through my various wish lists and remove old/purchased items, or clear out all my "save for later" carts.

There's no doubt this is stressful, but like every part of NaClYoHo, it's broken down into smaller tasks; I don't have to look at my computer and organize everything on it all in one day. I can answer a few asks, then sort photos (something I find very soothing up until the moment I Don't), then read and delete some emails, then I'm done for the day. I can spread "answer or file all your work emails" out over a couple of days. I can maybe empty out my Likes but just turn the ones I actually want to reblog into drafts for now and deal with them later in the "drafts" phase of cleaning. And if I don't manage to empty out my inboxes, at least they're emptier than they were.

I'm struggling this morning with having put a bunch of physical cleaning on the to-do list but not feeling physically up for it, so I did what I felt capable of doing (measuring cabinets for new shelf liners mainly) and later today I might sit down and start building this year's photobook. Or not -- I have to code Radio Free Monday, sort out a prescription and possibly go pick it up, plus a very full day of work and a couple of afternoon appointments I can't shirk, so today may simply be a "get through the day" kind of day. That's okay too; some days the spirit is willing but the schedule is full.

[redleavesinthewind]

elliot's 2023 fic wrap up

2022 version

alright friends it is once again time for me to review the (many) fics i read in the previous year and try to write a more or less concise rec list of my absolute faves (i wish i didn't have to chose but heh i'm not gonna subject anyone to 332 fics in 1 post - also wait only 332 fics? that's like. over 100 less than last year, what the fuck. anyway)

okay now first the part that interests no one but me (yes you may skip this) and that's the numbers part! i'm not making a whole elaborate spreadsheet to then not throw around cool numbers. anyway.

i've read around 4,932k words in 332 fics across 18 fandoms. that is much less than last year, and yeah, i've been generally less productive in 2023 but we don't have to talk about it. at least i have more variety of fandoms this time (let's ignore that it's only 2 more and also that from fandom 13 on there's only 1 fic per fandom)

i started out the year strong with 847k words across 72 fic in february (followed by 753k across 42 fics in january, and 621k words across 63 fics in march). it goes downhill for the rest of the year. eh it wasn't my year so what! 2024 is gonna be more filled with fic reading again!!!

my top 3 fandoms are so entirely unsurprising to me i am almost disappointed in myself. when did i become so predictable. top fandom is young royals with 166 fics! congratulations young royals, you are a very persistent hyperfixation, you didn't peter out after 2 months like i expected. Spot number 2 is taken by avatar the last airbender with 41 fics! giant leap there, but it's also funny because i fell into an atla rabbit hole late 2023 (as i do every few years) and it still got up to 41 fics despite uni not allowing me to read last semester (uni is evil). Same as last year, spn takes third place with 38 fics. speaking of persistent hyperfixations.......... *big sigh*

and that is it the boring part is over let's go to the fun section LET'S REC SOME FIIIIIICCCCSSSSSSS (under the cut)

JANUARY

bet you you'll ... (noraverse) (series) by @gh0sthugs | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 52k words

a kid fic!! and such a sweet one too! i'm kinda weak for kid fics ngl, and nora is so sweet and wonderful, and the relationship that slowly forms between wille and simon is beautiful and comfortable. this whole series is just such a good time

spreadsheet notes: ah to fall in love with the dilf next door who also happens to be the ex crown prince of the country

A Royal Intervention by AnxiousAnaconda | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 18k words

erik is being such a dumbass in this one. like, he means well, but he's kinda messing up and pissing people off (understandably). it's nice to get a view on erik that's not portraying him as this perfect guy though, and the fic is actually so much fun to read. and hey, the prime minister of luxembourg gets mentioned, which i was kinda waiting for in yr fic ngl

spreadsheet notes: big sigh... erik you fucking idiot. stop listening to august. also shoutout to xavier bettel apparently (edit: this aged poorly, fuck xavier bettel)

and each slow dusk by @if-fortunate | young royals, wilmon | mature | 49k words

okay. ooookay how do i even begin with this one. ohhh boy. okay. so. world war three. wille gets stuck in bjärstad with simon, many many things happen, it's about finding hope in a horrible situation and trying to live life despite everything falling apart around you. it's incredibly well written and something about it just has me in awe

spreadsheet notes: i don't know what it says about me that this is without a shadow of a doubt the best fic i have ever read in my life

Put Me Back Together and Take My Heart by @notalotgoingonatthisinstant | young royals, wilmon | mature | 50k words

i once again don't know what to say, this one is sooo good. simon is suffering and both wille and i hate it, but... but wille is there for him and ugh, they just... they just can't be apart. a story of reconciliation and healing from both physical and invisible wounds, and of making the right decisions for yourself

spreadsheet notes: ugh. UGH. my guys. MY GUYS. yeah let's go blackmail the queen

Department Six by @thisdiscontentedwinter | teen wolf | gen | 4k words

a fun short one about stiles and danny working for the fbi and being delightfully weird and mysterious

spreadsheet notes: HILARIOUS i'm in love with outsider pov always

FEBRUARY

There Are No Wolves in California by @thisdiscontentedwinter | teen wolf, sterek | gen | 5k words

you know, sometimes you see a fic you know is going to hurt you, and you've never clicked on anything faster. this is definitely one of those fics

spreadsheet notes: let's be wolves today yeah well derek what if i just break down and cry instead

you got my body, i got your body by @prince-simon | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 9k words

this one's technically part of a bigger series (which, definitely read that one too), but i'm highlighting this one cause... damn... this made me feel things... like, gender things... which is really weird cause wille's gender in this is very much different from mine BUT STILL

spreadsheet notes: how almost 9k of pwp gave me so many gender feelings i will never understand

Changing Channels: Queer Premiere by @emeraldcas, @fellshish | spn, deancas | gen | 27k words

this might actually be one of the funniest fics i've ever read. dean and cas are so stupid (affectionately) and all the crossovers are delightful (bonus that i knew all the other shows). everyone go read this it's gonna be the best time

spreadsheet notes: mel and fells have genuinely outdone themselves this is the most hilarious shit i've ever read

Catalyst by @stretchoutfics | young royals | teen&up | 3k words

a backstory for boris! this fic is within a series of other side character ficlets, but this one has a soft spot in my heart

spreadsheet notes: AAAAHHHH HE KNEW ABOUT THE RECKLESS DRIVING BUT DIDN'T BRING IT UP but also... him being a gay man trying to help the queer crown prince navigate his sexuality that's kinda nice actually, like boris understands at least a bit

The most beautiful boy by lovelysarcastic | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 88k words

there's something incredibly grounding about this fic. the way it develops, the way wille rationalises his thought processes, the way the relationship between wille and simon develops... this fic just kinda sucked me in and spit me out again feeling... content and calm and... it's just... this fic is so beautiful

spreadsheet notes: dude i love this so much??? they're both so stupid??? i love them???

MARCH

All's Fair in Love and Hunting by @badjoices | spn, deancas | mature | 20k words

they're playing gay chicken but also are being incredibly competitive and stupid about it, and i'm just sorry about the shit sam has to witness. so many shenanigans in this fic

spreadsheet notes: they are both so stupid omg

["mi cotufita" started sharing their screen] by @omar-rudeberg | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 60k

so... this is a follow up to one of my favourite fics and it is a delight. very horny but also very sweet? and also for some reason there's porn. fun times! oh, and this fic made me cry. it really has the range

spreadsheet notes: how are they so horny it's so funnyyyyyy, but also if i were wille i could never look linda in the eyes again

A Light To Guide You In The Dark (Warmed By The Fire's Glow) by 80shairmetal | stranger things, harringrove | teen&up | 19k words

this is just... people taking care of each other out of the kindness of their hearts. finding comfort in strangers who become family. growing and helping each other. there's such a beauty to this one

spreadsheet notes: this is just..... comfort

did you see the love in my eyes, oh were you gazing through this disguise? by @tooindecisivetopickaurl | young royals, wilmon | mature | 67k words

fake dating my beloved. they're so in love with each other but they're pretending not to be while pretending... to be? i'm obsessed with them. but they're so respectful with each other and cautious of boundaries and they really are best friends who also happen to be obliviously in love

spreadsheet notes: love a good fake dating au they're so stupid i love them

flash like a setting sun by @playedwright | 911, buddie | explicit | 22k words

because you only realise you're in love with your best friend when you're scared you're losing him. that's the fic. and it's beautiful

spreadsheet notes: oh this is sooooo beautifully written and ugh just <333

Other people's secrets by @sflow-er | young royals, walty & wilmon | mature | 239k words

yooooo hello? so first off this is an outsider pov on wilmon which i am always obsessed with anyways but the focus isn't just on them, this is henry's story. it's a beautiful story about how friendships form and warp and change, how feelings manifest in different ways, how decisions and actions have consequences. it's an incredibly mature take on post-s1, and it's probably my favourite of the year. also ace representation!!!!

spreadsheet notes: ace henry my beloved <33 also love seeing wilmon from an outside perspective! such a good, well thought out fic with lots of healthy comminication <33

APRIL

if i stare too long by @brawlite & @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | stranger things, harringroveson | explicit | 191k words

i haven't seen st s4 (and probably won't watch it) but that definitely won't stop me from reading harringroveson fic. i mean, who wouldn't look at those three and immediately want to see them together. the way their dynamic is written in this fic is peak, i don't even know what more to say. i also very much trust these authors with billy, and again i wasn't disappointed. there's just something in his head that's intriguing.

spreadsheet notes: this whole fic is such a vibe it makes me feel of hot summer chillin

MAY

Rewrite the Stars (series) by @in-amor-veritas | young royals, wilmon | mature | 137k words

definitely one of the highlights of the year, simon's whole life in new york... those scenes, they just show such a wonderful life simon has built for himself, and his relationship with wille doesn't change it, but he manages to fit in (after, you know, fun rom-com drama shenanigans). also. this is a kid fic. kid fics are my weak spot. rasmus is my new favourite little guy. also shoutout to luis best side character ever

spreadsheet notes: YELLING i love this fic sooo much it is everything

Where The Wind Will Carry Me by @1-life-to-give | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 49k words

AND THEY WERE ACTORS PLAYING LOVE INTERESTS. do i have to say more? the tension guys the TENSION. also erik's side-plot i'm in love

spreadsheet notes: hopping up and down like a hyperactive chihuahua EN I LOVE THIS

Your love is my turning page (the t4t wilmon as girldads au) (series) by @willesworld | young royals, wilmon | teen&up | 17k words

i know i know another kid fic BUT!!!! t4t wilmon. makes it automatically superior. i'm not even kidding, add trans characters and i will like your fic (that i probably already like a lot) aroun 300000000 times more. but also this series comes for your feelings. it hits

spreadsheet notes: i am weak for t4t wilmon AND them having a biological child there's something so beautiful about it like that could be meeee ; siiimon i need to hug him and i need to hug wille they're gonna get out of this i prommy ; recovery and one step forwards a hundred steps back, but they made it there in the end ; they were so happy :((((

JUNE

A trace of dew by nuncflore | elden ring, this is too complicated | gen | 13k words

very elden ring-esque writing style, wonderful representation of whatever the hell is going on in the lore. hehehehehhe fucked up family ehhehehehe DIVORCE. my friends are so talented :))

spreadsheet notes: CAP I AM EATING YOU

Hanging from the Ceiling by @spicymiilk | spiderverse | teen&up | 6k words

for like. a week after i saw the new spiderverse movie i made miles 42 my entire life. that also meant reading this fic. and damn did this fic hit. i am still thinking about it

spreadsheet notes: i need more miles 42 content he is my favourite guy ever

The Darkest Little Paradise by @yourdemiurge | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 79k words

*holding you at gunpoint* read this fic. read it now, in this moment. you are not gonna regret it. believe me when i say you NEED this fic, you really do. doesn't even matter if you've seen yr or not. you're gonna thank me later

spreadsheet notes: THIS IS INSANE I CAN'T BREATHE MADY WHAT THE FUUUUUCK

JULY

Protected (series) by bastuba | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 69k words

hey do you ever read a fic and you just feel. so incredibly grounded because something about the characters feels grounded? like, they aren't grounded, but they still give off that vibe? idk how to explain this properly but that's this fic. also wille and simon cook together (i haven't read all parts of the series yet btw)

spreadsheet notes: incredibly grounded very mature how is wille like this ; i'd be like wille, always complaining about the heat ; they're soooooo. idiots. getting tattoos for each other ; i too would come out on a podcast about food ; SAFE SEX

AUGUST

The Season of Rebirth by @notalotgoingonatthisinstant | young royals, wilmon | mature | 30k words

part of a series, but i'm picking out this one specifically because it's soooo sweet!!! the title fits the fic so well, like yes it is the season of rebirth, but simon and wille's relationship is also rehashed in a very cool way, this fic is like one giant easter egg, i love it so much!

spreadsheet notes: wille taking the season of rebirth to recreate their early relationship, i am obsessed with him he's such a dumbass romantic

The Upgrade by @groenendaelfic | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 13k words

it's about the moment simon realises who wille is. that's why this fic is here. i mean of course also because it is very good, but mainly because of that moment

spreadsheet notes: the moment simon realised who wille is i am wheezing

Right Where You Left Me by @armandgender | spn, deancas | explicit | 94k words

if you're wondering why this fic is on my 2023 list instead of the 2022 list.... well that's because it took me almost a year to read the last chapter, and in terms of how my spreadsheet works, that makes it a fic i read in 2023. anyway. if you haven't read this fic yet, what are you even still doing here. click on that link right now. you want complex emotional situations? intricacies of ill-advised marriages? you wanna pick through abusive behaviour and encourage infidelity? well you're at the right place! also this has one of my favourite jack characterisations ever. it also made me go on multiple rants

spreadsheet notes: I FINALLY FINISHED IT AAAAHHHH I LOVE THIS FIC THE CABIN THE CATS JACK!!!!!

Alejito y Marimar (series) by th0ughts | red, white, and royal blue | teen&up | 18k words

OBSESSED WITH THIS DYNAMIC YOOOOOO. seriously the friendship between alex and martha is an expansion of the rwrb universe that is much needed, trust me

spreadsheet notes: the friendship i didn't know i needed in my life <333 ; they're just chillin!!!

SEPTEMBER

Change of Address (series) by hearmerory | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 134k words

okay. oooookay. strap in for this one, it is a lot. emotionally. like yes zuko is autistic, yes yes yeeees, i agree, also azula is treated like an actual person with actual mental issues, she deserves to be treated with care and this author definitely does that! this is the kind of series that makes me want to disappear in it, but it's also the kind of story i need breaks from, because it is so heavy (definitely check the tags for this one). zuko's relationship with sokka is written so thoughtfully and iroh is characterised incredibly and the author even included ursa in a way that didn't undermine everything that happened in the series before she appeared again. i can only recommend this one!

spreadsheet notes (there's lots of parts to the series, so this one is long): hhhh if i were ms jamieson i would have snapped after two days probably ; be nice katara!!!!! he's nervous ; i need to murder ozai ; and i need to murder zhao as well ; iroooohhhhh he should have just. taken the kids with him that first time he noticed something off ; yeah i think there was a reason why iroh never took zuko to the movies ; ozai needs to suffer ; i need to destroy ozai. violently and painfully ; iroh is the best uncle ever, zuko deserves all his kindness ; azula...... you don't have to fight for affection, it's not a competition..... they love you ; iroh should have taken her with him the first time around, she was like. 10, he could have just picked her up or sth ; ..... hakoda you idiot ; IROH BACKSTORY IROH BACKSTORY ; sokka and the plan that changed his life <3333 ; they are so soft with each other ; they all deserve all the therapy and support and yes sokka obviously you have adhd get with the program ; URSA??????? also i am living for sokka and azula's dynamic they are everything ; i don't. i don't understand her. i don't fucking understand her how could she not want her own children. how can she talk about them like that. like she knows them she doesn't know them she LEFT

Every night my teeth are falling out by @sulkybender | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 9k words

i was in need of some good zuko angst and oooohhh boy was i lucky to find this author. PEAK zuko angst. this fic in particular is very dear to me because it explores how mental illnesses would be handled in a world where there's practically no resources to help. i think we need that more

spreadsheet notes: yes well. how DO you deal with a schizophrenic fire lord in a fantasy world? (you stay with him and support him that is how)

OCTOBER

for years or for hours by @ghostinthelibrarywrites | the witcher, geralt/eskel/jaskier | explicit | 52k words

listennn i love myself some good polyamory fics, and this is the first fic i read for this ship and now i am OBSESSED with them. but this fic in particular.... the concept alone, like. what do you do when you thought the man you love was dead for 800 years, and then when he comes back you have another man you love. the answer is simple. polyamory. the two men you love also love each other. perfect coincidence.

spreadsheet notes: YO the concepts of witchers in modern times alone is sooo cool but adding in everything else? hello yes?

this is a love story by @achillestiel | supernatural, deancas | mature | 3k words

listen, i've never seen fleabag, but that's not the point. this is intriguing and funny, that's the point

spreadsheet notes: fucked up families and you want to fuck the priest hell yeah

The road not taken looks real good now by @stretchoutfics | young royals, wilmon | explicit | 90k words

it's not even the wilmon part i love about this fic (i very much enjoy it of course don't get me wrong) but wille and his kids. like, i don't want to spoil anything but like. wille's interactions with his kids are so important in this fic, and they're written so well. like, emilia is my favourite character in this, i kinda wish there was more with the kids honestly. this fic is definitely a highlight of the year, and to get back to wilmon, i do love how they're portrayed in this fic, how their dynamic plays out, and specifically how certain decisions do not depend on simon

spreadsheet notes: no but. the care put into this story. i can't--

NOVEMBER

Averno (series) by @sulkybender | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | mature | 12k words

a fascinating take on a fire lord zuko that was never part of the gaang

spreadsheet notes: HE JUST DESERVES KINDNESS but also he's a little fucked up WELL NO WONDER GIVE HIM KINDNESS ; i mean.... what makes a monster really ; well then let's get him out of his cell shall we (also hiiiii suki hello <3333)

Half Awake in Our Fake Empire by @hmslusitania | 9-1-1, buddie | teen&up | 34k words

another kid fic!!! but in a different fandom this time!!! seriously, giving buck a child fills so many of my life's needs it's ridiculous

spreadsheet notes: THEY'RE A FAMILY (thank you for giving that man a child)

a soldier (who carries a mighty sword) by @ghostinthelibrarywrites | the witcher, geralt/eskel/jaskier | explicit | 92k words

everything about this fic is wonderful!! the world(kaer morhen!!)building, the developing dynamic between geralt, jask, and eskel, ciri and yenn, the conflict, jask as a teacher!!!! aaahhhhh!

spreadsheet notes: they're my new favourite guyssss this whole fic is so cool, what they've done with kaer morhen <3333

Will We Last the Night by CSHfic & VSfic | avatar: the last airbender, zukka | teen&up | 143k words

this fic asks what if sokka had been stuck with zuko since the end of s1 and delivers a delightful answer. this is the adventures of zuko and sokka (and sometimes iroh) travelling through the earth kingdom. shenanigans ensue

spreadsheet notes: i am obsessed with this i'm just. i know it was only shortly but their life in ba sing se. obsessed

DECEMBER

Grudge Match by @catcas22 | elden ring | gen | 17k words

i'm not entirely sure how to explain this. it sure is an elden ring fic

spreadsheet notes: i don't even know what to say. this is ridiculous and brilliant and stupid and genius all at the same time. hell yeah suburban demigods

Lonely Digging by @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger | stranger things, harringrove | teen&up | 3k words

this is hilarious. go read it to unlock intense life-threatening flirting

spreadsheet notes: best way to flirt billy's doing everything right

***

(quick note: i’ve tried to find everyone’s tumblr handle, but i’m aware that not all the authors have tumblr/have it on their ao3, however if i somehow missed someone, i can go back and rectify that!)

if you’ve made it all the way down here i am giving you a kiss <3

[bestgameostcrownduel]

Round 1, Side A: Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers (2019) vs Kingdom Hearts 3 (2019)

FFXIV | Kingdom Hearts

Campaigns under the cut!

Campaign for FFXIV:

oh my god where do I start. Final Fantasy XIV (FFXIV) is an MMORPG that's been going on 2013, or 2010 if you count the trainwreck that the current FFXIV replaced (the 2010 version's music was composed mainly by Uematsu, 2013 onwards is mostly Soken). Thus its OST is FUCKING HUGE and spans a whole lot of genres. If you like any kind of music at all you can probably find at least one track that speaks to you in this game. FFXIV has a category of incredibly difficult fights called Ultimate, comprised of multiple short phases that each have their own music. Because of the nature of how Ultimates are structured, they're the only fights in FFXIV where the music can actually be timed to the mechanics. If you're not afraid of story spoilers, look up any ultimate's BGM and you can see how cool this effect is. (I can't listen to Under the Weight without also hearing the sound of every mechanic and tankbuster.) (My personal favorite ultimate, music-wise, is The Epic of Alexander. Back when I was progging the fight I used to fall asleep listening to the BGM.) To The Edge is so so special to everyone who loves FFXIV. It's the theme of a boss in Shadowbringers; I can't give details without also giving major spoilers, but I will say that the story and this song deal with the themes of death and loss. If you look up the lyrics, which aren't too spoilery without context, you'll get what I mean. What makes this extra emotional is that FFXIV's main composer, Soken, was in the hospital fighting cancer when he composed this song. (To be clear: he kept working because it provided him with a desperately needed sense of normalcy, not because he needed to.) No one on the dev team knew aside from Yoshi P, FFXIV's producer + director as well as Soken's personal friend; the rest of the team found out the same time the fans did, months after the fact when Soken was in full remission, at the 2021 FFXIV Fan Festival (FanFest). To The Edge was already widely beloved prior to this because it's an incredible banger tied to an incredible story moment, but knowing what was going on behind the scenes during its composition, in addition to the story and song's own themes surrounding death, turns it into a piece that no one can listen to without getting wildly emotional about it. At the same FanFest, before Soken announced that he fought cancer and won, he performed this live: https://youtu.be/aBt4zT_PBmw?si=SgzTV9BvINfA0b-U Absolute king shit. With Hearts Aligned is also so so so special to me because it's the song that plays in the 'victory lap' second phase against the final boss that caps off a nine year long story arc. It features a leitmotif from The Maker's Ruin, a song from 2013, that represents the player and is often used when we overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. There are no words that can describe the sheer fucking emotion of fighting the final boss of a nine year long story arc while listening to the leitmotif that represents YOU, a leitmotif that you first heard however many weeks or months or years ago when you first started playing this game. The ultimate triumph, and the ultimate song of hope. Also if you like leitmotifs, FFXIV has /so many leitmotifs/. Have a spreadsheet of them: https://x.com/EENlX/status/1686043012353396736?s=20 Also also, Alex Moukala on youtube does more in-depth analysis of some of the best tracks in FFXIV! Great videos, I highly recommend checking them out.

I would put the entire game's soundtrack if I could but there's a LOT. The album I listed is for the "postgame" of Shadowbringers. Of particular note is the song "To The Edge" which was written while the composer, Masayoshi Soken, was battling with cancer.

Campaign for KH3:

yoko shimomura, the GODDESS, the LEGEND, her composing skills never fail to amaze! kh music is so so goodddddd

I’m not good with propagandizing but the OST for this series is so good. For KH3, I love so much of the soundtrack. The Disney worlds have some great tracks, but the endgame and dlc has almost nothing but bangers.

[your-not-invisible-to-me]

Pages Toward Your Future (Matt Murdock x Reader)

A/N: *whispers* Guess who isn't dead? Long story short: this fic was supposed to be written for @pastafossa's birthday so many months ago. Since then, my laptop broke, and my apartment flooded twice. Alas, it is now here.

Happy late birthday pasta I adore you<3

Ship: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Summary:

When you wake up one morning sick, Matt makes sure you still get to celebrate your birthday. or The time you can't go to the bookstore, so Matt brings the bookstore to you.

Word Count: 1,684

Warnings for Chapter: None! :) just some birthday fluff

Read me on Ao3 as Aaron gets his shit together.

Matt knew something was wrong the moment he woke up that morning. On a normal day, you were always up before him, rushing around your shared apartment getting your things ready for your day as an elementary school teacher. Even on weekends you would be up early – spending your mornings grading and catching up on lesson plans so that you could spend the rest of the day with him. You always made your plans around the both of you to make sure you had time together, and he loved you even more for it every time.  

So, color him surprised when his alarm started going off at ten on a Saturday, and you were still asleep next to him.  

“Sweetheart?” he called out, softly. He ran his hand through the knots in your hair. Immediately he could feel the tenseness in your shoulders. You were stiff as a board. “Are you alright?”  

You let out a groan as you attempted to bury your head deeper into the pillows.  

“Head.” you said so softly that no one else would have been able to hear it if it had not been for his senses. He caught on immediately. Sometimes you would get massive migraines, so bad it would leave you incapable of anything.  

Usually, you would pop some Tylenol and force your way through them. Luckily, you would not have to do that today.  

Matt slowly slipped out of bed, making his way to the kitchen. He grabbed a glass of water as well as his “comically large bottle of pain meds” – your words, not his – and made his way back to the bedroom. He placed them on your nightstand.  

“I have some medicine for you, sweetheart. Can you take some for me?” asked Matt. He kept his words soft. If anyone knew the need for quiet on days of pain, it would be him.  

He felt you nod before feeling you sit up, grabbing the glass and swallowing the pills. He couldn’t help but chuckle as you fell right back into his chest.  

“I have to get some work done, but it should only take me a few hours. Try to get some sleep, alright?” He tucked you right back into bed and headed back towards the kitchen, ready to make his own breakfast and get some work done.  

As Matt opened the fridge, a slip of paper that had been stuck to it fell off, sliding across the floor. Confused, he went to go pick it up, wondering what it could have been.  

Of course .  

Your birthday was next weekend, and while he had his own plan for a celebration with you, he had forgotten your own tradition that you did for yourself every year.  

Your bookstore trip.  

Every year you would spend weeks compiling a list of books from your TBR list that you wanted. You rated them, scored them, and made a list of books you would buy yourself for your birthday. It was something your parents had started for you when you were a kid, a way to keep their wallets safe when all their kid wanted for their birthday was more books to read.  

It was important to you. He clearly hadn’t seen them before, but there were spreadsheets involved.  

It was the one day of the year that he knew you allowed yourself to splurge on you.  

It was also what you had planned to do for the day – hence the list on the fridge.  

He also knew that with how busy you were, you weren’t going to get another free day for a while.  

Suddenly, he knew his plans were changing for the day. He dug his phone out of his pocket.  

“Foggy? Yeah, change of plans. I need your help today.”  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You know, when you said we needed to make a quick shopping trip, this isn’t exactly what I thought you meant.”  

Matt and Foggy stood inside Barnes and Noble, having taken the train down to Union Square so they could shop at the biggest one. Currently Foggy’s hands were full as he balanced a stack of books under his chin. Matt, on the other hand, was making his way down the list as best he could.  

“We’re almost done, Fogs, I promise.”  

“You said that an hour ago.”  

“Well, that was before I found out they had a lot of the books in brail.” When Matt had originally given one of the workers your detailed list of books, they had assumed it was for him, leading him over to the small brail section that the store had. While he had since corrected them, he wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to be able to read some of your books along with you, or even be able to read to you.  

Since the image came to his mind, he had never wanted anything more. Reading was your thing, you devoured books so quickly, always excited about getting into the storylines and into the characters. While he was always happy to listen as you went on and on, the idea that he could read along with you and be able to know more about what exactly was going through your mind just brought him pure joy.  

Then there was the idea that he could be the one to read to you. It wasn’t something you had ever voiced before – hell it wasn’t something he had ever thought of before, usually it was other people reading to him – he knew he wanted to be able to give you this too. On days just like today when your head hurt too much to open your eyes, on days where your work was too stressful, where life was too stressful – he wanted to have a chance to give you something like peace.  

It was in conveying all this to Foggy, however, that his friend’s silence suddenly had him second guessing himself.  

“What is it, Fogs?”  

“Nothing.”  

“Not nothing, your being weird.”  

“I’m not being weird. You’re being weird.”  

“Foggy-.”  

“Really, Matt. It’s nothing bad. It’s just, I’ve never seen you like this before is all.”  

“Like what?”  

“Hopeful.”  

Matt paused, stunned a bit by his best friends' words. Maybe he was putting too much weight on a couple dozen books, but a bigger part of him knew Foggy was right.  

The scenes he was seeing in his head of times together with you reading were scenes of a future, your future together. With him.  

Maybe he had more thinking to do about what lied ahead. More planning. Books were okay for now, but he wanted more, and he wanted that badly.  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t until a week later that you learned what exactly Matt had done. He had decided to save the actual surprise for your real birthday, wanting to add it to your list of presents.  

He had everything prepared when you woke up, excited for your reaction as you slid open the bedroom door.  

“Matt?” you asked, the clunk of the door echoing behind you. You looked around the living room, your mind filled with confusion.  

In front of you, scattered across the living room, were stacks of books in different places. There was a stack on the coffee table, a few across the kitchen counter, and more filled across the room.  

Right in the center of the apartment, there was Matt, a nervous smile spread across his beautiful face. 

“What’s going on, Matty?” you asked.  

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” said Matt, softly. He took steps toward you, bringing you to a spot in front of one of the books. It was then you realized that the stacks of books were arranged in a sort of line, clumped together waiting for someone to follow the path.  

“What’s all this?”  

“Well, I know you weren’t feeling well last week.” You nodded. “Well, I also know that because of that, you missed your day out to the bookstore.”  

You thought back to the previous week, remembering the details. You had almost forgotten your original plans for the day, yourself, too distracted by the pounding in your brain. When you woke up hours later, all you could be was annoyed at the idea of having to reschedule.  

Matt must have noticed your contemplation, as he continued.  

“I know you were upset at missing it, so I thought I would just bring the bookstore to you.”  

You let out a gasp, looking around the room at the specific books that were laid out. It was only then that you noticed the titles of the books, recognizing them off the list that you had spent just a detailed amount of time creating.  

All the books you had chosen, and all of them Matt had bought for you to read.  

“Oh, Matt...”  

Matt wrung his hands nervously. A myriad of thoughts went through his head. What if he had made a mistake? What if this was something you had wanted to save for yourself? What if he had picked the wrong books, made the wrong choices? 

“Is this, is it alright?”  

Even with his senses, he couldn’t predict the speed at which you threw yourself against his body, engrossing him in a hug. He felt the breath you took. He felt the drop of tears against his shoulder.  

“It’s absolutely perfect, Matt.”  

He felt you telling the truth.  

Later, after Matt had led you around the apartment on your own little book spree, after the birthday breakfast he made was eaten and wishes were given, Matt couldn’t express how happy he felt as you curled up against him with one of the new books he had gotten you. You had wanted to read some passages to him, and he was more than happy to listen.  

He couldn’t help, however, thinking about the new plan he was forming. The stack of his copies of the books, hidden in his trunk. Soon, he thought. Soon the night would come when he’d make you dinner, where he would spend time getting to read to you, and he’d ask you the question about your future and hope you would want forever.  

[tommybowefuneralattendee]

shayncer 274?

number 274 on the spreadsheet is from this list of prompts the prompt you generated in specific is: you're my everything also partially inspired by this ask

linked on ao3 || read under the cut || 10.6k, rated E

summary

"Sure, Spencer. We'll call what I am mad. Like when I called what we had a relationship, and how you refer to it as fucking. I'm gonna head out." || Or, Spencer and Shayne don't communicate clearly and more people face consequences for that than you think.

The worst thing about fighting with Spencer is that he's nothing less than professional the entire time. They haven't had a real conversation in at least a month, a few days before they broke whatever they had going on off, and it's been all business ever since. He doesn't act like he's mad at Shayne, he doesn't ignore him, he just acts like Shayne is his coworker. Even if their relationship wasn't exactly what Shayne wanted it to be, they had always had a really good time hanging out together. It seems like that's over now. He's never been a particularly talented hand at losing and furthermore mourning friendships; he's been friends with Damien for their entire adult lives, friends with Courtney and Ian for years, friends with everyone on the goddamn cast because he has a nearly pathological need for everyone to like him.

That's not really what it's about with Spencer, though, is it? Things are fucked because of how different what he wants from Spencer is from the rest of his friends. He wanted more than Spencer could give. It is what it is. He's been a bit of a fucking wreck since everything happened. Since Spencer broke up with him. Whatever the fuck you want to call it.

"Hey bud, Spencer asked me to come grab you for the meeting that started a few minutes ago?" Damien says, knocking his knuckles against the desk Shayne has his head down on. He rests his hand on the back of Shayne's neck, squeezing briefly, comforting. He knows that Damien wants to help. It still cracks him in half that Damien needed to come tell him instead of Spencer opening up their text thread and messaging him directly for the first time since he fucked everything up. Still, he gets up, moving himself out from under Damien's hand, which is retracted out of his way. "You okay?" Damien asks, his voice far too gentle. Shayne forces a smile, nearto gritting his teeth from the effort of it. From the raise of Damien's eyebrows, the effort is most definitely wasted.

"I'm fine, man. Just tired. I'll head that way," he says, making that forced smile softer. He doesn't know why he's trying. Damien has always known when something was going on with him. It doesn't help that Damien was his first phone call when everything went down, his violent sobs moving Damien to be waiting at Shayne's apartment when he was finally able to calm himself enough to drive home. It was a casual thing. It shouldn't have hurt as bad as it did. We do not want the same things. Spencer had been so sure of it, so convicted, as if Shayne's feelings for him were plastered across the wall, bold font. Even when he had tried to argue his case, he could tell that Spencer just wanted him to go. To let it go. To let them go. To admit that there was never a them in the first place.

"Text me if you need me, okay? I've gotta leave for my thing, but I'm around for you. You know that," Damien says, pulling Shayne out of his head with that and a quick kiss to his temple. He gives Shayne one of those significant looks before he's heading out and a genuine smile pulls across Shayne's face for perhaps the first time all day. Not to be the allistic best friend, but quirks he's always fondly thought of as just Damien are apparently autistic traits (revelation to both of them, really) and his fondness for them has not waned in the slightest. That's his best fucking friend.

He's distracting himself. It's on purpose.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late," he says as he ducks into the meeting room, directing an awkward smile to the entire room. Spencer is looking at him, eyebrows raised and eyes hard behind his glasses.

"Glad you finally decided to show up. Back to my thing-" Spencer continues like he hadn't missed a beat, such a clear dismissal that it pangs in Shayne's chest. He's not sure what would have been ideal for Spencer to do there, though. Interrupt the meeting to get Shayne back up to speed? Fuck no. Maybe it's that he covets what he used to have: that easy rapport with Spencer, access to his dumbest one liners and wittiest quips, front row seats to the way his eyes sparkle when he laughs at his own jokes. It's his fault. He made it weird. He did too much. This isn't Spencer's fault.

Take accountability for your actions. Follow the lead of the person you fucked up with. Be willing to earn their trust again. He doesn't know if he could be more willing, but it doesn't seem like Spencer is open to opening back up that door.

"Shayne?" Spencer calls, pulling Shayne out of his thoughts succinctly. Shayne clears his throat, sitting up straighter.

"Yeah, yeah. Got, uh. Got lost in thought," he stutters, not quite making eye contact with Spencer but coming closer than he has in a few days. Spencer hums, looking to everyone else in the room as if to commiserate with them. He puts his hand up beside his mouth and speaks then at full volume. Everybody loves a bit.

"This guy never listens when I talk, can you believe him?" he says. It shouldn't even bother Shayne. In fact, he had thought he would enjoy it if Spencer made fun of him again. Guess it's different when he doesn't feel like he's in on the joke. It is not that serious. So why does Shayne feel like he's about to start tearing up?

"I'm, um. I don't think I'm going to be of any use and I don't want to slow you guys down, so I'm just gonna head out," he says, smiling even though he knows it doesn't reach his eyes. He hears Spencer say his name but he's already out of the door, and down the hall by the time he hears it the second time. He stops in his tracks anyway. He never was good at taking the easy way out.

"Shayne," Spencer says again, quieter this time. Clearing his throat, Shayne turns around. Spencer is frowning at him. Despite everything, that little frown takes Shayne's guard right down. He's missed the warmth of Spencer's concern. "What's wrong with you?" Spencer says, and the guard goes right back up like it never came down in the first place. Be safe or be happy? Shayne doesn't know that either are in the cards for today.

"Nothing. Tired. Can I go?" he says shortly, brusquely. Spencer furrows his brow.

"Yeah, man? How the fuck would I stop you?" he says, still giving Shayne that analytical look like Shayne is a problem to solve. He clears his throat again.

"Cool," he says, turning back around and heading down the hallway again. Spencer isn't quiet in following behind Shayne, so he's almost expecting it when a hand closes on his elbow.

"Dude, what is your fucking problem?" Spencer asks, spinning Shayne around with more strength than Shayne knew he had. He pictures a wall between Spencer and his feelings. It's so much harder to be hurt when every soft spot about you is covered in stone. They never tell you how hard it is to be loved like that. Hurt is an ugly thing pacing the cage of his ribs, festering as it has been for the past month, and Shayne doesn't know how much longer he can keep making it smaller and making it smaller and making it smaller before the pressure of it kills him, his grief diamond hard and shiny. Sparkling.

"Why the fuck do you care, Spencer?" he asks flatly, steam shooting out the pressure valve as he moves out from under Spencer's hand, frowning. Spencer has the audacity to look like Shayne has said something out of pocket, as if there's a reason he should think Spencer cares what his fucking problem is. Like there's a reason he should think Spencer even cares if he's okay.

"We were in the middle of a meeting," Spencer says, even this protestation a little weak. Shayne closes his eyes for a second, breathing out through his nose deeply. Composing himself. Putting the pieces of armor back together.

"I know, and I'm sorry that I won't be able to be present, but you all should continue without me. They're waiting for you," he says diplomatically, pulling the public persona back together even if he is off camera. Spencer makes a face at him, his confusion plain.

"Who cares? They'll wait," he says, which is likely true. There's an hour booked out for this meeting despite everyone attending being aware of the fact that it would only take maybe forty minutes, if Spencer was slow about it. That's always how it is when Spencer is conducting a meeting. He gets nervous or excited or just Spencer and he starts talking a little too fast, running through trains of thought like he never has to change stations to get from place to place. Still, he's not sure why Spencer is protesting so much. Shayne's giving them both an out here.

"Why?" he asks, unable to just keep the question to himself even if he'd rather be anywhere else. If he texts Courtney, they'll almost definitely be willing to pick up whatever slack he'd be leaving by peeling out of the parking lot right now. Instead, it feels like he's frozen to this spot, caught in this moment.

"Because I want to know what your fucking problem is."

"Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to, Spencer," he begs, steeling his voice in the hopes that it sounds like something different from what it is, but to himself he can admit: it's begging. Spencer narrows his eyes and catches Shayne by the wrist, pulling him into an unused office and staring him down.

"Are you that mad that I'm not gonna fuck you anymore? We want different things, Shayne. I'm trying to protect us both," he insists; it's the same thing he said then. It's so fucking corny. Breaking it off with someone and saying you're doing it to protect them. From what? Just admit that you don't want it. He just wants Spencer back. Even if it's just as a friend. Still, he's not even nearly mentally collected enough to start this conversation, let alone end it, so he might as well cut it off now. The hurt turns to vitriol in his throat and he casts it out, bitter and rotten.

"Sure, Spencer. We'll call what I am mad. Like when I called what we had a relationship, and how you refer to it as fucking. I'm gonna head out," he repeats, ducking out of the office and making his way down the hall much faster than before. He hates that little part of himself that wishes Spencer would follow this time too. He makes it all the way to his car without interruption. He texts Courtney. He drives home.

In the coming weeks, it's more Shayne avoiding Spencer than it is the other way around. At least, according to Damien, that's the case. While Shayne is ducking out of rooms when he hears Spencer down the hall and taking his lunch at his desk so that he doesn't run into Spencer when neither of them are on the clock, Spencer is apparently looking for Shayne now. He doesn't ask all the time, of course, but Damien says they don't talk for more than a few minutes before Spencer asks where he is, how he is. Every time Damien tells him about it, that little bit of excitement ("He likes me, he cares about me, he wants to know how I am," bullshit) hits Shayne hard enough to make him nauseous, or maybe that's just the self disgust. He wants to be over this more than he's ever wanted to be over anything.

He wishes Damien was here. Everybody always seems to think it's him acting as a social buffer for Damien, but really, that shit is reciprocal as fuck. Even a thread of discomfort on Shayne's face, Damien is making excuses and flashing sweet smiles, charming enough that no one even thinks to get pissed off. Even when Shayne is the social buffer, it never feels like he does it so smoothly, so naturally. Years and years of acting, and all it's done is make him more comfortable in front of a camera than he is without one. It's easier when there's an audience to play to; he already knows he doesn't play well to this one.

He hates that he's not good at being alone with Spencer anymore. He hates that this feels like a skill he'd have to relearn.

Courtney had invited him out, said Tommy was coming too. Tommy apparently invited Spencer. Court said they didn't know, and it was all very sudden. He doesn't blame Tommy. Tommy doesn't even know. Probably? Oh god. Shayne definitely hasn't told him, but Spencer is closer with Tommy anyway, and he's already told Courtney he'd stay. If he walked out on them now, when Tommy and Spencer are supposed to arrive in the next five minutes? Never gonna fly. He sits next to her reluctantly, resignedly. He's nursing what may be the worst beer of all time, but Courtney ordered it for him to cheer him up, so he'll pretend to like it for as long as it takes to finish it. He didn't come here to get drunk anyway. He came here so Courtney and Damien would stop giving him that you can talk to me look, tiptoeing around him like Spencer broke his fucking heart or some shit like that.

Even if it's true, they shouldn't say it.

It's like he can feel it when Spencer walks in the room, his gaze pulled to the door just as Spencer crosses the threshold of it. Fuck, he looks good. He's wearing one of his stupid little button-ups, jeans that are just a little too long for him, the same boots he always wears. And yet, Shayne doesn't know if he could take his eyes off of him if he tried. He can't even make himself try.

He's grateful when Courtney grabs his arm, refocusing his attention on them. They raise an eyebrow.

"You gonna be okay? I'm not gonna make you stay here if you're not gonna be okay, dude," she says, words perhaps a little casual for the burning in his chest, but the sentiment appreciated all the same. Courtney has no idea that it's sentiments like that one that will keep Shayne in his seat, beer in his hand, for as long as she's worried about him. Court and Damien care about him so much. The least he can do is try to be okay for them.

"I'll be fine, Courtney. Don't worry," he says; Courtney meets Tommy's gaze from across the room, communicating silently for a moment before Courtney nods.

"We're finding a booth. Tommy and Spencer are ordering, then they'll come find us," Courtney says; Shayne just shrugs, following their lead. They end up choosing a table with high seats instead of a booth, picked for its distance from the nearest other patrons. Spencer and Tommy follow sooner than he expects, setting a tray of drinks on the table before claiming their seats. Courtney and Shayne are sitting next to each other, and Tommy takes the seat across from Courtney, so that leaves Shayne avoiding eye contact with Spencer fucking Agnew. He gives Tommy a lackluster smile, even the pantomime of his happiness water thin and washed out like this. The smile Tommy hands back to him is gentled, a little worried, but Tommy recovers quickly, sliding into a grin and passing Courtney a shot.

"This has been one hell of a week, babe. You deserve this," he says, grabbing another shot for himself, "And so do I." Courtney taps the table three times and they down their shots at the same time, their strange synchronicity bringing a smile to Shayne's face. There are four more shots on the tray, as well as Spencer's drink, likely a light soda but they use opaque cups here so who could tell, and a few fruity cocktails. Tommy likes to try specials when the bars in town have them, kitschy little gimmick cocktails and twists on old classics, anything that sounds fun. It's something Shayne admires about Tommy, his ability to step outside of his comfort zone. Speaking of which. Tommy and Courtney both stand, about to make their first pass over the dance floor. Their tenacity is admirable. Courtney goes immediately, but Tommy stays behind a moment, leaning on the chair he just vacated to support him while he speaks.

"Either one of you, feel free to grab a shot or a drink, but don't feel pressured either, okay? I only ordered as much as Courtney and I could drink ourselves if you're not feeling it, Shayne," Tommy says, addressing Shayne directly as everyone and their mother knows Spencer's not gonna get into any of what's available. He gives Tommy a grin and bear it kind of smile, waving him off when he pauses, brows drawn together. Tommy hesitates, but ultimately follows after Courtney, seeming to be able to spot her on the floor even when it just looks like a sea of people to Shayne. It's possible that he's just looking out at the crowd, after Courtney, after Tommy, because he doesn't want to look at the person right in front of him. He doesn't know how to start. They sit silently for a long time, neither of them leaving but neither of them speaking either, awkward tension an overbearing weight compared to the past frivolity of their interactions.

Something about that tips him over the edge of it, falling from that fear directly into resignation; he just wants it to be over. He just wants to know where the fuck he stands. He just wants to have an adult conversation about this instead of feeling like he's walking on eggshells in his own head trying to avoid the stovetop burn of this, the sting of hurt that he hasn't been able to make himself let go of. He wants to feel normal, and nothing has been normal since they broke things off, and he misses his fucking friend and he wishes they were talking about this. Talking about things is a two way street. Somebody has to start the conversation, though. Somebody has to be brave.

Tipping his bottle to take one last sip, Shayne fortifies himself.

"Can I say something?" he asks, unwilling to just ambush Spencer in public like this, but needing to know where the lines are anyway. Spencer heaves a heavy sigh but looks at Shayne for the first time all night, nodding and seeming to steel himself. “I have no idea what happened with us but even if you don’t want to date me, I still loved being your friend, and I’d like to go back to that,” Shayne rushes out all at once, not letting himself leave any of it out. Spencer is still looking at him, but his brow is furrowed, his eyes narrowed, his head tilted. Is it really that crazy of an idea? They were good as friends. They were happy, even. Before Shayne fucked everything up.

"Even if I don't what," Spencer says, his tone so flat that it doesn't really seem like a question. Shayne presses his lips together, unable to stomach the fact that the thought of it is apparently so outlandish that it had never even occurred to Spencer. He forces a calming breath out through his nose, forcing the hurt down into his stomach, leaching the cold from around his heart. Still, he stands. He doesn't want to do this anymore.

"I'll see you at work, Spencer," he says, final, but not final enough to leave Spencer with the idea that things won't be okay come Monday. Because no matter how hurt Shayne is, if Spencer wants to be okay, they'll be okay. If he doesn't, they won't. He doesn't know when he became so resigned to this. He turns around, but he doesn't even get a pace away from the table before Spencer's catching him by the shoulder, desperate fingertips digging into his collarbone. He stops. He turns. He looks at Spencer. He waits. Spencer is looking at him askance, as if Shayne should know what he's trying to say here. He shakes off the hand on his shoulder. Spencer goes with it, hand dropping to grab at Shayne's shirt, pulling him closer. Not expecting it, Shayne stumbles and follows the motion, lets himself be pulled close enough to stand between Spencer's knees. What?

"I didn't know that dating you was an option," Spencer says, pulling Shayne in to kiss him on the mouth, hard and claiming and not tentative at all, like they had never broken it off in the first place. Given his givens, Shayne thinks it's fair that it takes him a second to register what Spencer even said. He pulls back when he does, breathing hard and cupping Spencer's face between his hands. Overwhelmed. Both of Spencer's hands are balled in the fabric of his shirt.

"What?" he asks, a little too overwhelmed to articulate what he's asking better. Spencer kisses him again before answering, licking into Shayne's mouth. There's more desperation in it than either of them were aware they had to give. You always think the sexual tension is going to go away after the first good fuck, the first time you have sex and you really feel like you're reaching your full potential together. Spencer is kissing him like he's trying to climb inside of Shayne's mouth, knees closed around Shayne's hips, still pulling him in as if Shayne is going anywhere. Which, actually. He breaks the kiss and holds himself back from Spencer, not letting the other man try to distract him enough to let this go. The way Spencer whines, put out, is almost enough to make him go right back to it. Almost. "What?" he repeats. He's sure the desperation to know, to understand, is written all across his face.

"I didn't know that dating you was an option," Spencer repeats, his shoulders dropping. Hope flickers flame hot in Shayne's chest.

"You wanted dating me to be an option, though?" he asks, unable to crush that pathetic thing in him, that need to know everything in extremely explicit terms, just to make sure he's wanted. Spencer makes a frustrated noise, one of his hands unclenching from Shayne's shirt to slide up and grab Shayne's jaw, grip gentle, sure, but firm. He's holding Shayne in place, making sure he's looking at him. He doesn't know that he would be able to look away anyway.

"Yes, Shayne. God, dude. You're- you're everything. You're my everything. Of course I wanna fucking date you," Spencer says, his thumb sweeping over Shayne's skin, stroking his face. Oh. Shayne swallows around the lump in his throat, willing himself not to tear up. Everything. He leans forward, kissing Spencer carefully, gently, as if for the first time. Doubt still crawls in, insecurity as good a home for it as any.

"But you were okay," he says, frowning. Spencer's head tilts to the side, silent question communicated when Shayne can actually make himself look Spencer in the eye. "When you broke up- when you called it off. You were acting totally normal. Well, except not talking to me. That part sucked." He shrugs a shoulder, gaze darting across Spencer's face. He feels like he needs to memorize every feature of him this close, every flit and fancy of expression in case he loses this again.

"Broke up. You- you were serious. About us being in a relationship," Spencer says, muted horror taking over his features. Unable to make himself lie, Shayne nods. "I did a really shitty thing, didn't I?" he asks, though from his tone, he's already come to the conclusion of that thought by himself. Shayne looks down; it's not like he can say it didn't hurt. It's not like he can that in some ways it didn't shatter him like glass, shards falling to the ground. Spencer tilts his face up, studying him briefly. "I'm so sorry, dude," he says, pulling Shayne in for a hug not just with arms around his shoulders but knees closing around his hips as well. Tucking his nose into Spencer's throat, Shayne shudders as the scent of him hits for the first time in months. He can link his forearms behind Spencer's back when they're this close, an impulse he's always pushed down because it felt restrictive, but with Spencer holding on in such a way that it would be easier to pick Spencer up than to extricate himself from this embrace, he's a little braver than he's been in the past.

"I've really fucking missed you, Spencer," he admits, his voice breaking. Spencer hugs him closer like he's trying to pull Shayne into his chest. He's tearing up again, and swear to fucking God, he's cried more in the past couple of months than he has in the past couple of years. It hasn't been pretty. Spencer's hands are careful as he starts carding his fingers through Shayne's hair, gentler maybe than they've ever been with each other. He's not sure how long he stands between Spencer's thighs with his nose tucked against Spencer's skin, but it's likely more than is socially acceptable. When he tries to pull away, though, Spencer gives a protesting noise.

"I just got you back, dude, give me a minute," he says, his voice a low murmur against Shayne's throat that makes him shiver. He drops a kiss on Shayne's skin, not in any kind of suggestive manner, but like he just wants to feel Shayne beneath his mouth. Shayne chuckles, dropping a kiss on Spencer as well.

"We could get out of here," he says, no mind for the implication before it's already dropped out of his mouth. "Not that I think just because you would be okay with dating, then you obviously want to sleep with me, it's just-" Spencer laughs outright, interrupting Shayne by pulling back a little, leaning down to kiss him.

"We need to talk more, buddy," he says, peppering kisses on Shayne's mouth. It's overwhelming is what it is. Still, Shayne raises an eyebrow, a silent request for elaboration. Spencer sighs. "I wouldn't be okay with dating you. I would be fucking ecstatic to date you. I would be honored. It's really shitty that I made you feel like that was anything less than the truth. I want to do better. Treat you better. Actually act like we're dating instead of just bitterly pining for you while having you in my bed twice a week. I like you, like. An embarrassing amount, dude. I don't ever wanna hurt you like that again." That word, hurt, it makes it sound so serious. Already, Shayne's mind is putting it behind him, moving around the obstacle and running full tilt into trying to milk as much happiness from this as possible.

"Is that a yes to getting out of here?" he asks, pitching his voice low just because he knows it'll make Spencer laugh. It does exactly as designed, bringing a smile to Shayne's face as well before he backs away a little. Spencer actually lets him go this time, though his expression makes it quite clear what his real thoughts are on the matter. Stifling preemptive laughter, Shayne takes Spencer's hand in his, kissing the back of it and offering his arm for Spencer to use as a crutch when he slides off the high seat.

"You're going to be that boyfriend, aren't you?" Spencer asks, setting his hand on Shayne's forearm and actually getting up in the manner proposed. Shayne, trying not to react visibly to the thrill he gets at the idea of being Spencer's boyfriend, grabs Spencer by the belt loops, pulling him closer just to lean into his space.

"And what boyfriend is that?" he asks, amused flirtation coating his voice. Spencer grabs onto the lapels of his jacket, holding Shayne in his orbit. Shayne doesn't know if he's ever understood the tide so well.

"Chivalrous and shit. Guy who treats me right. The guy you wanna take home to your mom," Spencer explains, shrugging a shoulder as if this is all a very easy conclusion to reach and he's not sure why he's having to explain this to Shayne himself. As if that's just something that people say. Maybe it's growing up in a military family, but he's never felt quite good enough to be brought home to the parents. It's never been something so openly refuted. His face is getting red, he can tell, but it's not so embarrassing this close to Spencer's face. He leans down to kiss him again, careful, sweet. Spencer breaks it off with a smile and a roll of his eyes, shoving at Shayne's chest half heartedly. "You're only proving my point, you know," he says, and Shayne wants to kiss him again, so he does. Because he can. He can have this. He doesn't want to leave Tommy and Courtney's drinks unattended, though, so he pauses, leaning against the table. Spencer raises an eyebrow.

"I don't wanna leave their drinks unattended, alcohol is expensive," Shayne says, wrinkling his nose. He wants to leave with Spencer, yeah, but he's not gonna be trusted to watch somebody's drinks and leave. Spencer grins, sitting back down and patting the seat that was taken by Tommy previously.

"I'll text Courtney, because you know Tommy isn't gonna check his phone, and we'll wait til one of them comes back, okay?" he proposes, to which Shayne nods gratefully. Anxiety would eat at him all night if they just left without seeing Courtney or Tommy anyway. Losing someone while they're out always freaks him out, though. He sits down in Tommy's seat, turning toward Spencer to face him instead of the table. Spencer follows his lead, their knees in an every-other arrangement, denim against denim. It's so fucking nice just to have Spencer in his space again, beneath his hands. He wants to trace over every piece and part of Spencer, afraid of the things his hands might have forgotten. Spencer laces their fingers together on his lap, staring down at their hands in a way that makes it quite obvious he's only staring to avoid something else. Not knowing what to say and not wanting to interrupt this much more comfortable silence with something trivial, Shayne runs the conversation back through his head, matches it up with pieces of others.

"When you said we didn't want the same things... you thought I didn't want you," he says, piecing together this conclusion while speaking it aloud. Spencer's gaze snaps up to his, the unique, wild eyed look of being caught for something you never thought anyone would notice. Shayne squeezes his fingers, heart squeezing in his chest. "Spencer," he says, letting his hand go to cup his face again. Shayne couldn't tell you what song is playing, how many people are here, whether anyone else is close, his entire focus is narrowed down to this right here. The idea that Spencer fucking Agnew has been walking this earth under the impression that Shayne doesn't want him all the time, the idea that Spencer didn't know he's the only thing Shayne wants.

"Don't make a big deal of it, dude," he says, eyes darting to the floor. Shayne tilts his face up, about to kiss him again, when a hand claps down on his shoulder. Fucking Christ. It's just Courtney.

"Oh my god," they say, eyebrows raised and grin huge on their face. Shayne leans down against Spencer's shoulder, intimately aware of the fact that he's about to be roasted til he dies. "Finally!" they continue, "Fuck, I'm glad you guys got your shit together. It was getting sad. On both sides."

"Wait-" both he and Spencer say at once, sitting up to fully look at Courtney. Shayne looks at Spencer again, gaze shooting back and forth before he realizes.

"You told Courtney too, didn't you?"

"Too?"

"Too! Tommy, Damien and I have been trying to work this out forever," they say, loose lipped from the drink and shot through with laughter.

"Wait, you told Damien?" Spencer asks, not directed at Shayne but at Courtney. Why would Courtney need to- oh, did they tell Damien about Spencer's feelings, that's what they're talking about. Actually, Shayne wants to know that too. He's really fucking pleased with how it turned out, so he can't fault Courtney for meddling, but that is like. A little bit not cool. Courtney rolls her eyes.

"No, Spencer, Damien's eyes told Damien," she says, tone making it very clear that this should have been obvious. Spencer goes a flattering shade of pink, the spread of it disappearing beneath his shirt, and isn't that something he'd like to revisit.

"I didn't want to leave without making sure one of you guys had eyes on your drinks. Be safe, call me if you need anything, try not to need anything," Shayne rushes out quickly, kissing Courtney on the top of her head before taking Spencer by the hand and heading for the door. An excited trill Shayne honestly thinks he would recognize anywhere pierces through the sound of the music as Tommy walks into their path. He looks like the cat that got the fucking cream.

"Tommy, I love you, I haven't gotten laid in months, see you Monday," Spencer says, picking up the slack where Shayne had slowed down at Tommy's approach. Tommy laughs, loud and bright, and Shayne doesn't have to look to know that Spencer is grinning too. They make it out the door but don't let go of each other's hands, fingers staying laced and comfortable. Being able to feel Spencer there at the end of his fingertips settles some part of Shayne that he didn't know had been ruffled with the rest of it, something clingy and warmed by the connection, something insecure and small being fed for the first time in a while. He doesn't realize he's being led until they get to Spencer's car, looking over to find his companion looking as if he's bracing for an argument. Anxiety coils in Shayne's gut.

"I know you've only had one beer, but. Let me drive?" Spencer requests, leaning against his driver's side door trepidatiously. The release of tension is profound.

"Sure, Courtney and I ubered," Shayne says easily, crossing to the passenger side. When they're both settled in their seats, buckled, Spencer backs out of his parking space, clearing his throat.

"Yeah, Tommy ubered too, but I knew I'd still be able to drive, so. Anyway. My place or yours?" he asks, immediately cringing at how classic that line is. Shayne snorts, which can't have been attractive, but Spencer smiles at him anyway, ducking his head.

"Mine? If that's cool?" Shayne asks, unable to kill that tiny bit of fear that this isn't going to go in his favor, at which point he'd rather be at his own apartment than someone else's, even if someone else is Spencer. Spencer hums and turns out of the parking lot. He hasn't been to Shayne's apartment since their whole thing. Oh fuck. He hasn't cleaned his apartment in weeks. He can't help himself, so everything is relatively organized and nothing is gross, but like. There are dishes. Laundry in places where laundry should not be. Spencer reaches for him across the gear shift.

"Quit freaking out, I've seen you do way more embarrassing things on Games than having a messy living room," he says, tangling their fingers. Shayne rolls his eyes. "Talk or something, dude. I'll level with you, I'm trying very hard not to freak out. Not like in a bad way but in a like I thought I'd never have this again way, and I need you to just. Talk. Or whatever."

"Does talking about the last couple of months count as distraction talking, or is it too related?"

"Depends? I guess?"

"Well I mean.... you haven't gotten laid in months? Hung up, Spencer?" Shayne asks, shooting for teasing and landing somewhere between that and flirtation. Spencer breaks into a grin, openly relieved to be in less serious territory.

"Yeah, dude. Down completely bad. Tommy and Courtney kept throwing me little surprise parties in my own apartment like I didn't know it was an excuse to look for-" Spencer cuts himself off, abruptly going vividly red.

"Look for?" Shayne asks, halfways between curiosity and concern. Stopped at a red light, Spencer puts his head down on the wheel for a second.

"I write songs. With, like, big emotions, I just sit down and write a song. Get it out and get it over with and move on, you know? So, like. They were checking the trash, like I saw both of them do it. They're not subtle," Spencer says, shrugging as he lets off the break, hitting the gas when the light turns green. "I get it, like. I was acting weird. I would have been like that with either of them. It's just weird to be on the receiving end of."

"Weird to have someone care?" Shayne asks, familiar with that particular struggle. Spencer hums affirmatively. "Do you always throw them away? The songs?" he clarifies, stroking his thumb across Spencer's. Spencer clears his throat, squeezing Shayne's hand briefly. He squeezes back.

"Not always, I guess. If it's not, like, completely shit, sometimes I'll leave it in the notebook."

"There's a notebook?"

"Hey, don't make it sound like a thing. It's not a thing."

"I think it might be a thing, dude."

"Babe, you can just ask me if I write songs about you," Spencer says, shooting Shayne a grin. Shayne raises an eyebrow.

"Babe?" he asks, watching with delight as Spencer's face goes pink. Affection burns hot in Shayne's chest. "You really like me, don't you?" he says, halfway to wonder and not really a question at all. Spencer likes him. He writes songs about him and talks to Tommy and Courtney about him and he turns a sweet, rosy pink when called out on it.

"Yeah, man," Spencer says with a weak laugh, squeezing Shayne's hand in his own. Shayne lifts their connected hands to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the back of Spencer's hand. Spencer sputters, clearing his throat, but doesn't make any move to take his hand back, so Shayne isn't worried about overstepping.

A quiet settles over them with them both pink cheeked, pointedly looking anywhere but each other. Spencer can pretend he's fully focused on the road, but Shayne pulls out his phone to serve as distraction for himself. He snorts as soon as he wakes his screen, a text from Damien reading Don't do anything I wouldn't do reading across the top notification. Rolling his eyes, he types in response Dames, I'm planning on having sex with Spencer. Immediately, three dots pop up followed very quickly by Peace was never an option. Shayne looks up after typing a quick fuck you, looking over to find Spencer looking amused, eyebrows raised but eyes on the road.

"Something funny?" he asks, flicking on his turn signal. Only a few minutes til they reach his place. Holy shit.

"Apparently Damien has been informed of the success of their plan," Shayne says with a little bit of put on grandiosity. Spencer snorts, but then he hums. Shayne hums back a questioning noise.

"If Damien was in on this, why do you think he wasn't like. Present?" Spencer contemplates in that Spencer way where he's mostly just thinking aloud and not really expecting an answer. Unfortunately, Shayne is pretty sure he knows this one.

"Because Damien knows that if he was there, I would have hidden behind him. And he would have covered for me because that's what we do. I wouldn't have said anything," Shayne says, cringing at the idea of his own realistic assessment of how that situation would have played through. Spencer hums, nodding his head.

"Yeah, that makes sense. I don't think I'd have said anything at all ever, so you're braver than any U.S. Marine for that, my guy," he says, still nodding to himself as if this is the most sensical thing that has ever been said. God, he loves this idiot. He doesn't realize he's quiet and staring until Spencer cuts eyes at him, raising an eyebrow. He squeezes Spencer's hand.

"'s worth it, you know," he says, "being brave." Spencer parks in Shayne's guest space probably a little faster than would fly in a driver's ed class, but Shayne's not a fucking cop and even if he was, he doesn't know that anybody could remember to say something about it with Spencer's tongue in his mouth. Spencer unbuckles both of their seatbelts and slips his hand directly up the back of Shayne's shirt, solid on his lower back.

"You make me fucking crazy, dude," Spencer says, pressing the words into his mouth with teeth biting into his bottom lip. Shayne makes a noise equal parts laughter and overwhelm, dragging himself away from Spencer by opening his door, nearly rolling out of it in his haste. The soundtrack of Spencer's laughter cracks through the quiet as Shayne gets steady on his feet, walking around the car to open Spencer's door. The look Spencer gives him, pleasant bemusement or confused amusement maybe, is priceless as he offers him his hand.

"Well, I figure if I'm gonna be that boyfriend, I might as well go ahead and get a head start," he says, shithead grin wide. Spencer rolls his eyes but he takes Shayne's hand anyway, letting himself be pulled all the way up to Shayne's apartment.

His back hits the door maybe a second and a half after the lock clicks shut behind them. Spencer's hands are up his shirt, greedy in touching everything that's been unavailable to him, bold in rediscovering territory. Not exactly satiated either, Shayne flips them around, pressing Spencer against the door and up it a little, catching the back of Spencer's thigh in his hand. Spencer gives a pleased hum, wrapping his arms around Shayne's neck and pulling a little. Used to this kind of wordless communication from Spencer if not all others, Shayne hooks his other hand behind Spencer's other knee, lifting him to put his legs around Shayne's waist. Would fucking Spencer against the wall count as a day's cardio? Questions for a different day. For the first time, he actually lets himself imagine waking up with Spencer. Sleepy sex with the morning sun hanging low in the sky still, sharing a shower so they won't be late. His mouth goes soft against Spencer's, kisses becoming slower and more languid as he presses Spencer's shoulders back against the wood.

"I'm going to fucking kill you," Spencer says impatiently. Shayne grins, kissing him a few times in short, quick bursts.

"You're the one who asked me to pick you up," he reminds him. Spencer makes a skeptical noise.

"Well, actually-" 

"Do not buzz me on a technicality right now, Spencer," Shayne murmurs into his partner's neck, kissing his way down Spencer's throat.

"I might stop making fun of you if I was otherwise occupied..." Spencer says, his contemplative tone broken by a high gasp when Shayne bites down on his skin.

"Now, we both know that's not true," Shayne says, but he puts Spencer down anyway, taking him by the hand. Once they reach his bedroom door, however, Spencer releases his hand, turning to face him. Shayne raises an eyebrow but Spencer just grabs his other hand, backing up til Spencer's falling back on the bed, settling before he's pulling Shayne with him, on top of him, on his hands and knees with Spencer's thighs splayed around his hips. Shayne loses his shirt pretty quickly thereafter, thrown somewhere across the room in the mad scramble of kissing and touching and stripping off clothes to be as close as possible. They spend a silent second just looking at one another, taking in the sights. There are so many things he wants here, so many things he wants to give to Spencer and take from Spencer, and Shayne couldn't choose with a gun to his fucking head.

"Do you. How do you want to do this?" he asks, confidence waning now that they're actually here in his bedroom with Spencer's hands on his skin. Spencer's hands are heavy on his biceps, squeezing just a little bit like he's weighing them in his grip. He looks up at Shayne with this sweet kind of wildness, like a jar full of fireflies, light and alive and so incredibly precious. He can't help leaning down to kiss him. Spencer smiles against his mouth, biting down on Shayne's bottom lip.

"I want you in me, Shayne. I wanna feel you," he says, making Shayne's heart stutter in his chest. They've done it both ways, but he's always been somewhat under the impression that Spencer liked the other way around more. He was always quieter, his typical talkative-during-sex nature dulled by what Shayne had always assumed was a slight discomfort.

"Are you sure?" he asks, concern coloring his tone. Spencer closes his eyes, taking one of those long blinks that always means he's about to admit something he finds embarrassing. Fondness for him lights Shayne up from the inside out, so thick in his head that it feels like he should be seeing everything in washed out pink.

"I like it. Bottoming. I like it a lot," Spencer says, like admitting that he enjoys sex is something that he should be ashamed of. It's not about sex, though, is it? It's about the vulnerability of penetration, the construction of masculinity as a lack of vulnerability. Stepping back from the psychological lens, something that Shayne can only do so much to tune out, the words hit Shayne and his brow furrows, trying to figure it out in his head. Spencer sighs, opening his eyes. "Ask," he says, and Shayne nods.

"You're always quieter when I fuck you, though," he says, the question clear even if he doesn't exactly ask it. Spencer pulls him down to kiss him briefly, almost like he's gathering bravery in the press of their lips.

"I didn't want to make it a thing, but I get uh. I get overwhelmed. When you're in me. It always feels so good," Spencer answers, his face burning a brilliant red. Already hard, Shayne's cock twitches at that fucking word. Good. He wants to make Spencer feel good. He wants to be good.

"Can I eat you out?" he asks, kissing a trail down Spencer's neck. Spencer gasps, grip on Shayne going tight for a moment before he actively loosens it. He wants to make Spencer hold onto him like that all night, so lost in what Shayne does to him that he can't even keep up his usual color commentary. Even if he does want Spencer to talk during. Hard to admit the things he'd like him to say, though. Spencer's fingers slip into Shayne's hair and tug just a little, the pain of it so electrifying it hardly feels fair to just call it pain. Spencer uses that grip to guide him downwards, to hip level where Shayne hooks his fingers in the waistband of Spencer's underwear, raising an eyebrow in question. The pull he gets in return is communicative enough in that it pulls an embarrassing noise from Shayne's throat, flushing down to his chest as he pulls the garment down, tossing them off the bed to be found eventually. Sliding back between Spencer's knees, he gives Spencer one last look up, one last time to tell him no beforehand. Spencer's hand slips into his hair again, blunt nails digging in just a little. Shayne pushes into it, relishing the feeling.

"Yes, Shayne. I'm yours, do whatever you want," Spencer says, enough to make Shayne's head go a little fuzzy before he even starts. He holds Spencer's thighs open with a hand on the inside of each, lowering to his chest before he licks into Spencer's hole without preamble. The noise Spencer makes is high pitched and Shayne wants to make him make more like it, so he keeps up that energy, swirling his tongue and moving his hands to grip at Spencer's hips, sliding Spencer's thighs over his shoulders. "Fucking hell, so good, Shayne. So good," Spencer stutters, already overwhelmed from the tone of his voice. The words themselves have Shayne hips twitching, thrusting into the sheets and bringing more embarrassing noises out with it. Spencer laughs deep in his throat, pleasure mixed with pleasure. He sounds fucking incredible.

"You like that, huh, babe? You want me to tell you how good you are, how good you're making me feel?" Spencer asks, breathless. Breathless would be an accurate word to describe Shayne with as well, but that's mostly because eating someone out and being so fucking turned on you're groaning like you've been stabbed uses up the lung capacity a little. That laughter bounces off the walls again and Shayne feels drunk on it, drunk on being exactly where he wants to be. Making Spencer feel good. There's more he could be doing, though.

"Pass me the lube? Same place it always is," he asks shortly, not with any malice but just unable to string any more words together in a satisfactory manner. Everything feels that gentle kind of foggy and Spencer is pushing back his hair, stroking over his scalp. Spencer tries to hand him the lube, but Shayne is sinking his teeth into his thigh, sucking a mark into his skin. If Shayne weren't actively holding him down, the little rolls of Spencer's hips would likely be full on thrusts. He sinks his teeth in a little deeper before pulling off, just to be sure to leave a mark. Spencer's dropped the lube by now, so Shayne has to find it in the sheets, kissing Spencer's thighs while coating his fingers til they're dripping.

"Start with two. I want you," Spencer says, the command in his voice enough to send a shiver down Shayne's spine. Figuring that Spencer probably knows what he can and can't handle, Shayne follows that command, circling his fingers over Spencer's rim before pushing inside, steady and slow. Spencer's head falls back against the pillows, his groan loud and a bit higher pitched with Shayne's fingers pressing deeper and deeper. "Fuck, Shayne. I love your hands. God, fuck, right fucking there," he pants, pressing down onto Shayne's hand. Saliva pooling in his mouth at the sight of Spencer riding his fingers, Shayne meets him thrust for thrust, rubbing over his prostate with purpose. Spencer's hand clenches in his hair hard enough to pull him back a little. Shayne's vision gets a little fuzzier.

"Please," he says, nonsensical when he's the one who's theoretically in a dominant position here. The way Spencer looks down at him, soft eyed and smiling, warms Shayne down to his toes.

"Add another finger, Shayne. Fuck me open," Spencer says, halfway between teasing and soothing, even just the tone enough to send more shocks through his body. When he adds a third finger, Spencer cups Shayne's face in his hands, tracing his thumb over Shayne's bottom lip. Awash in the feeling of this, Shayne drops his mouth open, allowing Spencer's thumb to rest on his tongue. Spencer presses down on his tongue, so Shayne closes his lips around it, sucking gently. He follows it up with a purposeful brush of Spencer's prostate. "You're gonna fucking kill me," Spencer mutters, hand trailing from Shayne's face down to his shoulder, holding on tight as Shayne rubs at him. He's barely giving Spencer a break, sucking marks into his chest as he relishes in making Spencer's voice go up in octave.

"You're so pretty," he says, pressing it into Spencer's skin, taking Spencer's nipple between his teeth. Spencer's nails dig into his collarbone, sending a shiver down Shayne's spine.

"I'm ready, Shayne. Fuck, I'm ready. Come on," he says, pulling Shayne up with his grip on his shoulder. Shayne chuckles and pulls his fingers out, following the direction of Spencer's hands til they're face to face, close enough to kiss. So, Shayne does. Kiss him, that is, or rather, Spencer kisses him, licking into Shayne's mouth again, taking up that space inside of him that has felt so empty in Spencer's absence. He reaches to grab a condom, but Spencer grabs his wrist.

"Condom?" he says, reminding Spencer if nothing else. Spencer brings Shayne's hand to his face, pressing a kiss to his palm.

"Do we- uh. Do we have to?" Spencer asks, visibly cringing at the vulnerability. Shayne furrows his brow.

"Are you sure?"m

"I mean, yeah, if you're cool with it. I got tested before we started- anyway- and I haven't been with anyone but you since. You, um. Obviously I wouldn't be mad because I'm not an asshole but in the interest of the concept of sexual safety-"

Shayne can't help taking pity on him, briefly putting his hand over Spencer's mouth. "I haven't been with anybody else either." Spencer just stares at him for a second, eyes round, before he nods, continues nodding, nods for perhaps a bit too long. Shayne grins, huffing his amusement out through his nose. He trails his nose up Spencer's jaw. "You don't want a condom, then?" he asks, his voice gravelly with arousal. Spencer nods and then shakes his head, confusion furrowing his brow.

"I'm not sure how to answer a don't question, dude, just fuck me," he says, exasperated. Chuckling, Shayne lines himself up obediently, pressing in slowly. Spencer's nails dig into his shoulders and Shayne shudders beneath that attention, a grounding point to anchor himself in the rolling waves trying to crest over his head. He goes slow, because he's not an asshole, but he can admit to being relieved when Spencer tries to hurry him with eager hands. He bottoms out in a single, solid push, sinking into Spencer not just at the point they're connected but all over, tucking his face against his throat as he tries to calm himself down. Spencer's nails scratch gently at his scalp, soothing, and Shayne presses kisses against his collarbones, grateful if nothing else. Spencer's other hand on his lower back, steadying and gentle, sends Shayne chuckling, tucking his face against Spencer once more.

"We're about to have the sappiest missionary sex of all time for a while, aren't we?" he asks, as cognizant of his own desire as he is of the weight of Spencer's hands on his skin. Spencer pulls him up, meeting him in a kiss that is equal parts sweetness and languid desire, sure of itself. He pulls away smiling.

"Well, we've fucked nasty enough times, I figure we have some catching up to do in the sappy bullshit department," Spencer quips, giving him a shorter kiss before he's rocking his hips down, moving Shayne to move. "Doesn't mean we can't hurry things along, though." Shayne laughs but follows directions, pulling out about halfway before rocking his hips, a short thrust enough to brush against Spencer's prostate, based on the noise he makes alone, sweet and high and pretty. He rolls his hips, grinding against it as best he can and dragging a longer moan from Spencer's chest. He bites down on the pale skin beneath his mouth, marking Spencer's shoulder with the imprint of his teeth. Spencer pulls his hair but doesn't protest, instead encouraging him to stay exactly where he is. He fucks into Spencer faster, the tight heat of him too tempting to stay at that slow pace. Spencer digs his heels into Shayne's ass impatiently still, making Shayne pull back a little just to laugh at him, pressing kisses to Spencer's face and eventually his mouth.

"Tell me how you want this," he whispers against Spencer's cheek, the mingling of their breaths warm and so, so intimate. Spencer turns his head just a bit, catching Shayne's lips with his own. He licks into Shayne's mouth like he's got something to say and only this to communicate it, a claim to stake and only this to make it. Shayne, for his part, lets himself be claimed, lets Spencer do whatever the fuck he pleases and goes along with the ride. Spencer puts a hand on his chest.

"Make me feel it. Make me feel you. Wanna feel you for fucking days, dude," Spencer says; heat pools within Shayne, the snap of his hips less purposeful and more instinctual. Spencer's responding laugh turns quickly into a moan, continuing at a low level as Shayne loses himself to this, to obedience and feeling and the biting desire to make Spencer feel good. His thrusts are getting rougher, less controlled, but Spencer doesn't seem bothered by it, in fact still pulling at Shayne, overt in trying to move him to go faster, be rougher, fuck Spencer like he means it. And, well. Who is Shayne to tell him no? Spencer is so tight it feels like Shayne is being pulled in, like the piston of his hips still isn't enough to satisfy either of them. Pulling out makes Spencer whine, hands tight in Shayne's hair and on his shoulder, knees unforgiving around his hips. Shayne presses a chaste kiss to his mouth.

"Let me up," he says, his tone gentle enough to make it clear that nothing is actually wrong, just in want of change. Reluctantly, Spencer releases him, frown making his displeasure clear. Amused, Shayne rolls off the bed and onto his feet, grabbing Spencer by the hips and pulling him to the edge of the bed. Spencer always goes a little breathless when Shayne manhandles him, and this time is no different.

"Woah," he says, legs wrapping around Shayne's hips and dragging him closer. Shayne goes willingly, still standing but pressing into Spencer, now able to get enough force behind fucking into him to make Spencer keen. Both of Spencer's hands wrap around his forearms, grip probably hard enough to bruise, but Shayne is just far gone enough to hope it does.

"Spencer," he groans, wishing he had a better angle to hide his face against Spencer's skin. Spencer looks up at him with a wild grin, the expression quickly dissolving in the torrent of pleasure given by Shayne's relentless assault against his prostate. When Shayne leans down to kiss him, Spencer bites into his mouth, teeth and tongue aggressive in their pursuit of overwhelming Shayne even more than he already is. Shayne pours worship down Spencer's throat, his hips rough, almost mechanical, but his mouth open against Spencer's, recipient. There's always a sort of thought that comes with pleasure like this- if I could do nothing but this- but never before has it felt so potent beneath his skin, the electrifying desire to serve and the fulfillment of that desire in Spencer's moans and eager hands and sweet little whimpers when Shayne thrusts into his prostate just a little too hard.

It's one of those particularly hard thrusts, hard and fast, that has Spencer shooting across his own stomach untouched, bearing down on Shayne's cock. He looks so pretty when he feels so good he can't speak, with his lips pretty and parted and pink and his face flushed red, blush trailing almost down to his nipples. Remembering himself, Shayne starts to pull out, but Spencer's legs around his hips do not loosen, holding him in place.

"Want you to come in me," Spencer says, his voice shaky but sure. Shayne's hips rock, involuntary.

"You sure?" he asks, his hips still moving in micro fractions of inches at a time, unable to stop himself from seeking out that steady pleasure. Spencer squeezes his forearms, pulling at him until Shayne is brought up on the bed with him, kneeling between his knees.

"Please, Shayne, fuck," Spencer says, voice going high and reedy as Shayne brushes over his prostate. Something animalistic in Shayne goes crosseyed at that and he fucks into Spencer hard, holding his hips in hard hands. Spencer is laughing, but the breaths between are high pitched and overwhelmed, the laughter itself aroused and strained. Shayne loses himself again to the motion of it, to the sound and feel and taste of Spencer, eyes closed as he bends close to bite into Spencer's shoulder again, grounding himself. Spencer's hand is on the back of his head, encouraging, when Shayne cums, biting down hard enough that it likely wouldn't take much more for blood to flood his mouth. Spencer pulls his hair and digs his nails into his back and Shayne is afloat in this, lost in it.

It takes a few minutes for Spencer to pull him back down, stroking his fingers through Shayne's hair and holding him against his chest. He's still inside of Spencer, for fuck's sake. Shayne clears his throat, pressing kisses to Spencer's chest. Spencer gives him a pleased hum and tilts his head back, inviting Shayne to trail more kisses up his throat as well. Shayne follows as directed and kisses his way up to Spencer's mouth, kissing him slow and gentle before pulling back with a smile.

"I'm gonna pull out now," he says. Spencer rolls his eyes.

"If you must," he says, though he's smiling as well. Shayne kisses him again and pulls out slowly, not wanting to jolt Spencer too much. Spencer makes a high noise, which is very cute, and Shayne's outright grinning as he goes to his en-suite, grabbing a washcloth and wetting it before bringing it back to the bed. Spencer is amenable to having his own cum cleaned off his chest and stomach, the sweat as well, but protests when Shayne goes to clean between his legs.

"Babe, I've gotta clean you up. You'll be so pissed off if you wake up like this," Shayne says, raising his eyebrows at Spencer. Spencer sighs, likely knowing he's right but not wanting to admit such a thing.

"But I like it," he says, pink and looking blankly up at the ceiling. Shayne hums and bites his hip, not particularly hard, just for fun. Spencer hums back.

"We can do this whenever you want, you know," Shayne says, dropping kisses where he had just bitten.

"Oh, you do not want to tell me that," Spencer laughs, fingers curling in Shayne's hair. His knees fall open anyway, letting Shayne wipe at the mess of his cum spilling out of Spencer slowly, dripping onto the bed sheets.

"How much of a fucking horndog do you think you are?" he asks, half distracted by the sight of it but still amused. With a final swipe, he tosses the washcloth across the room and into his dirty clothes basket. He does so just in time for Spencer to drag him up to kiss him, gentle but forceful.

"Dude, you've only dealt with don't wanna look too eager Spencer. Now that you know that I'm stupid for you? Don't expect to get much done," he says, grinning and kissing Shayne again, again, again.

"Bring it on."

[kenzan-kiwami]

i ought to get better at writing down my thoughts so i actually remember them. anyway, it's kashiwagi time again. strap yourselves in cause this is going to be very long & punctuated with discord screenshots

i've discovered recently that people seem to like it when i lay my thoughts out on him, which is honestly wild to me but here we are. like i say, i'd like to put my ideas somewhere i can actually access them somewhat easily instead of peppered randomly through two or three discord threads and my own tumblr tags, so this post will probably function as my own personal meta archive for him, because i'm allergic to tables and spreadsheets and i don't really want to rely on google drive any more than i am already.

(speaking of google drive, i have a repository here of most of kashiwagi's audio files. refer to the readme document for the reasons it's not all of them for now)

>the basics?

i'll start with his age because that's at the forefront of my mind at the moment. i like to think he's in the ballpark of 10 years older than kiryu and nishiki, which would put him around six years older than majima, two years older than adachi, and 13 years younger than kazama. thusly, with a calculated birth date of around 1958, discounting birth month, he is (approximately):

30 in yakuza 0 (1988)

37 at the start of yakuza 1 (1995)

47 through the rest of yakuza 1, after kiryu gets out on parole (2005)

48 in yakuza 2 (2006)

51 in yakuza 3/when he "dies" (2009) (also goes grey around this time, maybe the year before)

61 in yakuza: like a dragon & gaiden (2019)

66-ish in rgg8 (2024).

(this list has been incredibly helpful to me actually because my original thought was that he was eight years older than the boys... that would put him at the same age as adachi, which i'm not a huge fan of)

next up, sexuality - i think he's (almost) exclusively attracted to other men, with yayoi being an exception that proves the rule.

however, my idealised "ship" "timeline" for him is that he's with kazama until kazama gets naded, then does some FWB shit with majima until he himself "dies", then somewhere down the line after opening the bar ends up in a slow-burning "friend"ship with adachi, because who better to take out for dinner than the strapping old geezer in the glasses who serves you drinks and keeps a watchful eye on your extensive tab?

next, i think he's definitely nd. which is something you can say for most characters in this series in some way, but he has an interesting relationship with food (not just limited to what he eats, but how), is shown infodumping on several occasions, hardly if ever switches up what he wears (at most, colours), flat affect/resting bitch face/autism stare, hires extra staff at his hobby bar so that he doesn't have to speak to his customers as much, and behind his intimidating mask he has this awkward kind of energy that reminds me a lot of my own experiences with being a bit not-normal. he probably has an oral fixation.

also, sort of crack but also not, i enjoy the idea that he's light sensitive (or at least moreso than kiryu is):

>the meat

he is very highly strung - we see this on multiple occasions. he seems visibly less so after "dying" in 2009, so i'm chalking it up to the stress of having to run things as someone who has the right mentality for leadership (the other patriarchs call him "soft" in y3 for trying to resolve conflicts rather than fostering them) but just doesn't enjoy doing it. he does exceptionally well as kazama's number two, but in yakuza 0 while kazama is in jail, and in yakuza 2 after kazama dies and he inherits the family (and clan captainship), he seems very stressed out. i absolutely think that his reputation for lashing out and his "violent" disciplinary methods are due in part to stress shortening his fuse (with the latter also being learned behaviours from kazama - an old school yakuza & assassin). age and the experience of staring death and a CIA attack helicopter in the face also definitely play a part in mellowing him out.

on kazama, i'm shamelessly stealing inoue's reasons for joining the shinsengumi and applying that to kashiwagi, because, while i don't really think of them as the same guy, there is absolutely a reason they chose him specifically as inoue's bakumatsu face claim. i don't have many ideas as to what kashiwagi did before swearing up, but he's a man of debts and undying loyalty, so i believe kazama must have saved him or turned his life around in such a way that he felt he could do nothing but pledge himself to him. i also really enjoy the idea of kazama having given him his scar, but i'm not 100% on how that might have come around either.

to extrapolate even more bullshit headcanon from insignificant canon details, i think in the 80s he was a beginner hobbyist keyboard player. mostly looking at the judgement cinematic where he's not plugged in and playing a little out of sync BUT still doing whatever fucked up fruity little dance he's doing. the presence of the piano at survive makes me think he got a hell of a lot more into it in his newfound free time, as something else to keep his hands mobile as he ages and recovers from getting shot up by a heli. also, still love the little anecdote we get from iroha when she says he's good with his hands.

(related: i think he taught himself to blend traditional medicine for residual chronic pain relief)

>weirdguy momence

in a one-to-one phone conversation with kiryu, his younger brother figure, he calls daigo (with whom he is on a given name basis) 六代目

that moment near the start of y0 where he stares down at kiryu on the street from the family office window

i don't think any of his suits were fitted correctly until kiwami 2 because his jackets ENGLULF him on PS2 & PS3 and he's straight up rectangular in kiwami

fills an empty bottle of high-end whisky with pish to make his bar look more expensive and comes up with an elaborate cover story to stop people from buying it

the way he acts towards his direct authority figures

>i'm ill

using up the last of my image real estate to post some moments where i kind of maybe lost it just a little bit. by my own standards, of course.

[fallenstarzz]

any kevin hcs to spare?

Ooooh let me see... Here are the ones I can think of rigth now:

I feel like Kevin is the kind of person to have overtly formal phone contacts, regardless of intimacy. Like Abby and Wymack are to this day named Nurse Abby Winfield and Coach David Wymack in his contacts. In one of my WIPs his system for fellow Exy players is Initial + Last name + Jersey number (so for an example Neil is N. Josten 10). Also in that WIP, but I think that in general too, the only exception is Nicky because that is a man unafraid to steal your phone and change his own name in your contacts.

Most of his growth post-canon I think would have to be related to standing up for himself and learning to shed the fear of the Moriyamas. A part of him will always be DEEPLY aware of his image, but I like to think he eventually grows into a bit of a Media Nightmare himself. But not like Neil or Andrew, in a much less actively hostile way. I think that at the start of his carreer Kevin would still be so afraid of provoking retribution from the Moryiamas he would take on any deal his agents deemed lucrative, to the point his first few years he barely had any time to breathe between training and games and interviews and photoshoots and charity events and and and. But with time and security on his new position he'd begin to allow himself to be more picky. He stops going to talk shows if the hosts or recent guests are involved with something he doesn't like, from politics to a slightly annoying tweet from ten years ago; Stops taking deals from brands accused of labor or enviromental violations; eventually his list of standards grows so long he is only taking 3-4 gigs a year outside his standard Exy season stuff, but since he still brings the numbers with him every time, he has companies bending over backwards to fit his demands.

Also we have to remember that he. Cannot give criticism like a normal person. I think he does eventually learn how to express himself better, and to limit his advice to people that ask for it, but old habits die hard, so Kevin is known for being a harsh critic. There are some people that hate that about him, but most fans find it hilarious and there are many compilations of his scathing takes online. The people LOVE Mean Kevin Day and the Foxes never let him live that down.

A bit related to this, I think Kevin's relationship to the rest of the Foxes improves a lot once they're all out of college. Both because it removes the main source of conflict between them, and because once they don't HAVE to see each other every day, they have to find actual real reasons to keep in touch and that leads to some begrudging long distance bonding. The day the Foxes realize they might actually like each other as people, for their personalities, is devastating to psychologists worldwide.

God but Kevin must be a NIGHTMARE at therapy. He rationalizes EVERYTHING and I see him as the type of person who has a hard time recognizing his emotions. I do think he would go absolutely ham on Cognitive Behavior Therapy because finally. Spreadsheets and assigned readings. THIS is how civilized people deal with problems

Kevin 100% lets his knowledge of Japanese go once he's out of the Nest for good. He spoke it for so long and from such a young age that he'll always be able to understand it a little bit, but it's not his first language so his fluency could and does atrophy from lack of practice. I think that a few years post-canon he's already only barely able to speak and write it.

He very discretly arranges for flowers to be sent to Riko's grave every once in a while, but he never visits it again after the funeral. I don't think Kevin will ever be able to disentangle their clusterfuck of a relantionship – he tells himself the flowers are for Kevin's first friend, the one who was dead long before he was buried.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Dani's Book-Tracking Post!

I thought I'd try something for myself, tracking some reading goals. This is mostly for me but I'll explain myself in case anybody's interested. (Original Posting Date: 10.4.2023)

I started tracking all my reading in its totality in 2015, which was also the year I graduated from college and got the job I still have today. Before that, obviously I read plenty of books, but I never kept lists or tracked specifically which ones I read and when. I'm a bit obsessed with keeping my life organized, and the idea of tracking books I'd read before 2015, but knowing I'd never possibly remember all of them, really bothered me.

So, everything is accurate from 2015 to the present day, and everything before that isn't tracked anywhere official (I use Goodreads and Storygraph, which should mirror each other exactly, and also have a personal spreadsheet).

As a consequence of that, I have a lot of books in my house that I read in college or prior, stretching all the way back to middle-grade texts, that I know I definitely did read, but don't have tracked anywhere.

With that context in mind, I have four over-arching reading-related goals in my life, and I want to track how I do on those goals in 2024!

Goal 1: Read all the books that I own and have never read. This one's the most straight-forward - read my TBR, books I've purchased and need to get to! The list isn't that big, I've pared down during the pandemic and basically "caught up" with all the books in my house, but then I keep buying more, because buying books is fun...

Goal 2: Continue various series/authors' bodies of work. This is for situations where I'm midway through a series, or have found an author I really love and want to read more of their stuff. I will either buy or get from the library some of these books throughout the year.

Goal 3: Read books for my four book clubs!

High school friends book club

College friends book club

Internet friends book club

Podcast perk book club

Whenever one of my book clubs picks out our next read, that book jumps towards the front of the list! Sometimes I try and suggest a book from Goals 1, 2, or 4 that I already planned to read, and see if one of my book clubs is interested in it too. Or, if one book club picks something, I'll see if another book club also wants to read it, thus doubling up!

Goal 4: Re-read the books that I own but read prior to 2015. This is what I was mentioning at the top of the explanation. In this category are books that I've held onto for a long time, that I collected during my college years, high school years, and, in many cases, even before that. These books range from texts I read in undergrad in the classroom, to middle-grade books I remember loving back in middle school and have held onto.

I started working through these a few years back, so I'm actually down to less than 50 books left. That journey has had me re-reading YA fantasy series like Inkheart, and children's classics like Stuart Little and Holes and The Giver, and re-reading some literary classics that I first read in a classroom setting, such as Fahrenheit 451 and The Scarlet Letter. It's been a joy, and I'm excited to keep on with my re-reads.

~~~

So! Now's the part where I make lists! This is everything on the TBR. Note that the total is at this exact moment 68 books adding up categories 1 & 4 (all the books literally in my house already for me to read). I usually read 75ish books a year! But, important to note, I do not expect that I will read all of these books by this time next year. This is because categories 2 & 3 will end up taking up a lot of those 75ish-books-a-year slots. Book club books take precedent over making my way through my own individual TBR, and then continuing series, new releases, random book recommendations from friends, getting books as gifts... all of these will reliably happen and expand the reading number.

I do have two hopes for the rest of this year and then on to 2024... one, that my Goal 1 list will get a little smaller - I would love to not own more than 15 or so books at any given time that are new and that I haven't read yet. I feel like when I let it creep up over 20 books, I get a little overwhelmed with the TBR. Plus, that means I get to buy a few books at regular intervals throughout the year, instead of carting home a bunch of new stuff at once, and then waiting a really long time to work the pile back down to reasonable levels.

The other hope is that Goal 4 will shrink from its current height of 45 to 30 TOTAL by end of 2024. Goal 4 books are often de-prioritized behind everything else, so paring it down is a slower process.

~~~

GOAL 1 BOOKS: OWNED & NOT READ (15 - 10.31.23)

pre-ordered but arriving soon part of series - not caught up/more to purchase&read

The Penelopiad - Margaret Atwood

I Want to Be Where the Normal People Are - Rachel Bloom

Red Rising - Pierce Brown

The Mighty Nein Origins: Fjord Stone

The Mighty Nein Origins: Mollymauk Tealeaf

The Mighty Nein Origins: Nott the Brave

The Dispossessed - Ursula K. Le Guin

Promise of Blood - Brian McClellan

Words of Radiance - Brandon Sanderson

Edgedancer - Brandon Sanderson

Dawnshard - Brandon Sanderson

Yumi and the Nightmare Painter - Brandon Sanderson

The Sunlit Man - Brandon Sanderson

White Sand Omnibus - Brandon Sanderson

The Frugal Wizard's Handbook for Surviving Medieval England - Brandon Sanderson

The Thirteenth Tale - Diane Setterfield

Kindred: Neanderthal Life, Love, Death and Art - Rebecca Sykes

The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents - Terry Pratchett

System Collapse - Martha Wells

Glassheart - Kate Alice Marshall

Gideon the Ninth - Tamsyn Muir

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow - Gabrielle Zevin

Tales from Earthsea - Ursula K. Le Guin

~~~

GOAL 2 BOOKS: CONTINUING SERIES/AUTHORS

Series started and not caught up to current/finished:

Discworld series

Brandon Sanderson Novels (Cosmere & Others, especially Stormlight catch-up)

Red Rising series

Powder Mage series

The Locked Tomb series

Earthsea novels (1 to go!)

The Poppy War

The Machineries of Empire (Ninefox Gambit)

Dresden Files

Chronicles of the Avatar - F.C. Yee (Kyoshi and Yangchen)

General other authors/series to read more of/buy upcoming releases:

NK Jemisin

Diana Gabaldon

Brandon Sanderson

Edward Rutherfurd

Kate Alice Marshall

Philippa Gregory

Kazuo Ishiguro

Hilary Mantel

Ursula K. Le Guin

Critical Role content

Adventure Zone graphic novels

ATLA/LOK comics

The Old Guard comics

Noumena series - Lindsay Ellis

Muderbot Diaries

Nampeshiweisit - Moniquill Blackgoose

~~~

GOAL 3 BOOKS: BOOK CLUBS! (3 - 10.31.23)

The Route of Ice and Salt - José Luis Zárate

The Idiot - Elif Batuman

The Empress of Salt and Fortune - Nghi Vo

When the Tiger Came Down the Mountain - Nghi Vo

Babel - R.F. Kuang

Big Swiss - Jen Beagin

~~~

GOAL 4 BOOKS: RE-READ OLD BOOKS (44- 10.31.23)

Peter and the Starcatchers

Peter and the Shadow Thieves

Peter and the Secret of Rundoon

In Cold Blood

The School Story

The Wish List

Walk Two Moons

Bud, Not Buddy

The BFG

Crime and Punishment

Adam Bede

The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down

Copenahagen

The Princess Bride

The Blithedale Romance

Olive's Ocean

Our Only May Amelia

The Odyssey

The Valley of Secrets

Faith and the Electric Dogs

Cages

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

The Girl Who Played with Fire

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest

The Magician's Nephew

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

The Horse and His Boy

Prince Caspian

The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

The Silver Chair

The Last Battle

Gathering Blue

The Host

Beloved - Toni Morrison

Mama Day - Gloria Naylor

The Accursed - Joyce Carol Oates

Ivanhoe - Walter Scott

The Cricket in Times Square

The Grapes of Wrath

The Hobbit

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Flipped

Slaughterhouse-Five

Charlotte's Web

The People in the Trees

I'll try and report back occasionally on how I'm doing getting through the 1st and 4th categories especially!

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I have been trying to hold back with the Edinburgh Fringe booking. I've of course been obsessively reading through all the programming and making my spreadsheet with a long list and a short(er) list and a wish list of people who haven't yet announced. The latter is why I haven't actually been booking yet. I will be disproportionately furious with myself if I cannot create my perfect schedule, in which all the shows I wish to see fit together like a jigsaw, because I just started booking whatever I wanted when I didn't even know what all the shows would be yet, and then someone else announces and I haven't left room for them, or I can fit them in but not perfectly because I didn't build the schedule with them in mind to begin with, and then everything gets messed up. I need to wait until it's all on the table, then make the jigsaw while taking everything into account. Because that is how you're supposed to do an arts festival. Book up every moment of your time months beforehand and leave absolutely no room for spontaneity.

Obviously the drawback to this is that some shows might sell out well I'm waiting. The other side of that is that I'm going during the first week of the festival, which I understand is the least busy time, nothing is going to sell out that week in April. It's fine. Patience is by far the best policy here.

I did book David O'Doherty the moment I saw it announced, because that was before it was even in the official Fringe programme, before most shows were in there, I just saw it, I knew DO'D was right near the top of my list of people I most want to see, I knew it wouldn't matter what else came up because nothing's going to push him off my short list, I wanted the excitement of booking a ticket for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival that I am actually going to go to for real, so I did it. I got one on the books for the sake of it, but otherwise, I'm being patient. Fully patient. That's the plan.

However, I have now spent over seven days in a row checking just one of the pages to make sure none of its shows have sold out yet, because it's the one show, of the ones that have been announced so far but that I haven't booked, that I most want to see. And he's really famous, if anything were going to sell out, it would be this one. Even though of course it hasn't. I check every day just to make sure every date is still available, and of course it is, because it's the first half of April. But what if suddenly everyone buys tickets at once because he's a TV star? What if? How many hundreds of years would it take me to forgive myself if I'm in Edinburgh during this show and don't get to see it because I was waiting for a jigsaw?

So fuck it, I just booked it so I can stop checking every day.

I will be patient with all the rest of them, really. But I have Nish Kumar and DO'D booked now, because those are the two really big ones where I would not get over it for the rest of my life if I somehow missed the opportunity to see them. I was trying to think of where to find pictures of those two guys together, because I thought I'd put that at the end of this post and say "look it's the top of my Edinburgh must-see list", and while I'm sure there are lots of pictures with them both, two things immediately came to mind. One is this from Edinburgh a couple of years ago, in the saga of Nish knocking over Rosie Jones:

And the other is this picture from what I'm 98% sure, based on a number of context clues, is MCIF 2003:

The latter comes to mind because of Nish's Twitter comment on it:

That's what I've prioritized. Let all the other chips fall where they may in terms of my trip to Edinburgh this year, but I will make damn sure well in advance that I'm going to see the eighth wonder of the world and one of his dads. And then, when Nish's other dad gets his shit together and announces his run five minutes before the festival opens, I'll end up picking my least favourite of the shows I have booked in his timeslot and skipping that show to see Daniel Kitson.

[fmagiftexchange]

2022 Schedule, Guidelines, & FAQ

schedule

signups: Sunday, October 2 – Saturday, October 29 sign up here!

assignments sent: Sunday, November 6 (at the latest!)

you must confirm receipt of your assignment before: Sunday, November 13

gift posting: Monday, December 19 – Monday, December 26

pinch-hitting: through Sunday, January 15

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general guidelines

hi, this is Tierfal! first item to note: I am running this by myself. that means that I will need your help and cooperation to make this work. it also means that if you have a problem with Roy/Ed (or with ANY ship that is tagged properly), you should find another gift exchange.

please leave yourself some time to work on your sign-up form! the form has a lot of checkboxes to try to make matching easier, better, and more efficient, because it’s just me and my spreadsheets here, pals. please go in with a few different ideas about both pairings and some gen/character favorites that you would be willing to receive gifts about!

if there are individuals in the fandom that you would not be comfortable creating for or receiving from, there will be a place to include usernames – but no one will be barred from participating, so please keep that in mind. you probably don’t have to worry about full-blown antis. antis do not like me. :D

please, please do not sign up unless you are committed to this, you will do everything possible to get your gift completed on time, and you are willing to be communicative during the months of November and December. last-minute drop-outs and radio silence make running events like this a nightmare. please don’t do that to me. :(

if you are under 18, you are welcome to participate! the only restriction is that the gift that you give (and the one you receive) must be at a T/PG-13 rating or lower, so that none of us go to jail. that would be a disappointing holiday present.

other than that, anything goes as long as you’re willing to tag appropriately – except, of course, for hurting real people. I have a zero tolerance policy for treating other participants poorly. if that bothers you, find another gift exchange.

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gift posting

Regardless of when you finish your piece, please only post between December 19th and 26th! Please do not share anything about the work publicly before then.

When you post your gift, please tag the blog ( @fmagiftexchange​ ) here and/or on Twitter (@FMAGiftExchange) so I can cross-post and share your gift! Please also tag the recipient if possible. (Please note: Tumblr ate a lot of tags last year, so it’s a huge help if you can drop me a line by DM if you don’t see me sharing your gift promptly!)

If there is anything NSFW or potentially triggering in your gift, please post it under a “read more” or link to it externally and make sure to list any necessary warnings above/in advance so that people can decide whether or not to see the rest. Thank you for your help keeping the community safe! ♥

For fanfic, beta-reading is not mandatory if you’re relatively confident you’ll have time to polish your work a bit yourself. If you would like help finding a beta reader, please let me know, and I’ll see what I can do. :)

There is an AO3 collection to post to as well!

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additional FAQs

How much do I need to create? It depends on your creative process – please aim for a relatively “finished” piece of art, or a fanfic of at minimum 1,000 words, or the approximate equivalent in whatever medium you work in.

I don’t think I’m going to finish in time! What do I do?
 If you’re going to miss the deadline, let me know ASAP so that I can find a pinch-hitter. If you think you’ll have the start of a finished piece by the deadline (e.g. first section of a longer fic, first panel of a comic), feel free to post that, as long as you’re sure that you’ll be able to finish later. :)

I’m not sure my work is good enough. :( 
It is! This is a gift exchange for fun. Everyone’s work is good enough, and will be appreciated by the recipient and many others. ♥ Just do your best to put some time and some of your love for FMA into it!

I’m not sure I feel comfortable having my name on my gift/posting it publicly.
 That’s okay! Let me know, and I’ll work out a way to either accept it as a submission or post the content directly to this blog on your behalf. (Keep in mind that anyone deeply determined to find out who you were could probably figure it out by process of elimination… there isn’t really a way to make this perfectly anonymous, but I’m happy to work with you to keep it on the down-low if that makes you more comfortable!)

OMG YOU SINNER, DO YOU ALLOW [“controversial” thing]?!!!! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!! D:< Spoiler alert: fandom is actually not that serious.

Any person and any ships are welcome. Just don’t ghost your giftee.

I want to throw something (like a side ship) into my gift that the giftee didn’t mention. Is that okay? The safest bet is to leave it out just in case, but if the piece hinges on it, drop me a line. I’ll work with you to figure out if they have anonymous messages open anywhere, or I can contact them and ask on your behalf.

Will there be a Discord server? Not this year. It’s a lot harder to keep your gift a secret in a server!

If you have any other questions, message me!

[taylor-on-your-dash]

What inspired you to try and figure out the album timelines?? (Also I’m assuming you say that Jack revealed Dress was the first song written for rep?)

honestly it was a bit of a domino situation. someone posted this throwback article on Reddit which mentions that Taylor had written 84 songs, and I actually tried to list them all but I got confused so many times that I had to make a list of her songs broken down by year. at the time I was trying to organise my unreleased collection in albums, rather than keeping the messy blorp of the "Unreleased Songs" album that contained ALL of the unreleased songs without any consideration whatsoever. so I curated/updated that post for a while until Taylor announced Red Taylor's Version in June 2021, that's when I made a write up of all the things we knew about the Red Vault. someone speculated that I Bet You Think About Me could've been about Conor Kennedy because of the gated community line (this line was leaked by the inner circle in the summer of 2017). someone else managed to debunk it because they had found a Lori McKenna tweet that confirmed that the song was written on June 24, 2011. June 24th is my birthday so that was pretty exciting for me. since that person had found one date, and on the Lover Journals we had another 2 or 3, I started putting together everything we knew about the Red Timeline in a post and I worked on it for 2-3 weeks. I also created the spreadsheet with the timeline overview. I initially posted the red timeline only on Reddit but the mods rejected it so I posted it on Tumblr as well. I tried again to post it on Reddit during the release week and this time the mods accepted it. the response on Reddit was amazing and that prompted me to make a timeline for fearless TV as well (which I have to update because i found confirmation of some demos that nobody knows about), and then in 2022 I wrote the rest of the timelines. I obviously tweaked speak now and 1989 in 2023, and i will probably (definitely) have to do the same with debut and reputation, but it'll depend on the vault songs.

yup, I think that Dress is the first song that Jack and Taylor made together, around February-ish 2017. Gorgeous and King of my heart are the first ones, they were done in early September 2016 in LA.

[iamstartraveller776]

Fanfic Asks for the New Year

I snagged these questions from @jackiebelle73. Thought it would be fun to play.

1. Do you have a word-count goal for the upcoming year?

I have fanfic goals, but not any that have to do with word counts.

2. Will you participate in any fandom exchanges or fic challenges, etc? 

Not this year, sadly. Real life is a beast that rears its head at the most inconvenient times lately.

3. Do you anticipate writing for a new fandom this year? Which one?

Not this year.

4. Do you think you’ll stop writing for a fandom this year? Which one?

Yes. Two, in fact: Shadow and Bone and The Rings of Power. I didn't write much for either of these fandoms to begin with and lurked at best. I still will read fic by my fandom friends and reblog all the cool things, but I won't be writing anything new for either (after I finish my SAB fic exchange story).

5. Which WIP is first on your list to complete this year? Will you post a snippet?

The aforementioned SAB fic exchange story, The Truth in Our Hearts.

“General Kirigan,” the Apparat says, “I worry that the king will be most displeased to be excluded. Perhaps we can postpone until the royal family can attend. A week, maybe two at most. Surely a man of your standing should have a proper ceremony.” Alina looks up, a germ of hope taking root in her chest. “There have been festivities enough,” the Darkling bites out. “I will not delay any longer.” “And if I would delay?” She tries to infuse the question with as much backbone as she can muster, but her trembling voice gives away the truth. She’s afraid. Angry, but terrified. The Darkling looks at her, and she wishes he would take off that abominable mask, bare whatever savage face he’s hidden beneath so she can read his expression. “Begin,” is all he says.

6. Which yet-to-be-started fic is first on your list?

None. 2024 is the year of completing several of my already-posted wips.

7. Will you change anything about the way you interact with other writers?

Nope. I will still happily read fandom friends' stories and squee and rave and give all the love.

8. Is there a story idea in your mental vault that you’ve never been brave enough to try writing? Is this the year? Can you tell us about it?

Not for fanfic. All of the daunting project ideas I have are for original fiction. (And the answer for that would be an idea for a sci-fi epic that spans several worlds. I'm not sure I have the skill set yet to tackle it the way I want to.)

9. Short term goals… what do you hope to complete this week or in January?

Finish The Truth in Our Hearts. It was meant to be a oneshot and it got rudely plotty. My goal is to finish outlining the rest of it this week (nearly done) and finish both the rough and final drafts before the end of the month.

10. Will you keep a record of all the fics you write and/or post this year?

AO3 does that for me already, lol! But yes, I have a couple writing trackers that I use to help keep me motivated. There's enough of a numbers girl in me that I love seeing charts and spreadsheets.

11. Would you like to try any new fanfic genres or tropes this year?

After 20 years in fandom, there really isn't much I've wanted to try that I haven't already.

12. Will you change anything about the way you edit or rewrite this year?

Yes. I started it in November with Nanowrimo. I used to solely be a discovery writer as well as someone who edits as they write the first draft—which is fantastic for short stories (my bread and butter), but hell for writing longfic. I've left readers hanging for 17 multi-chapters (some of them for years) over 5 fandoms, and it's eating at me. That and the fact that I've lost a significant amount of free time in recent years has forced me to change the way I write/edit/etc. As a long time pantser, I never thought I'd be a planner, but the new methods (complete rough outline -> complete first draft -> rewrite for final draft) are working fantastically!

13. Aside from fanfic, are there any other fan works you’d like to try creating? Fanart, or fanvids, gifsets, or podfic? 

Probably not.

14. Have you ever lost large chunks of your work in the past, due to not backing up your work? Will you change your methods this year?

Not recently, but yes I have lost work before and it was devastating. I back up my work all over the place now. I also plan to eventually print out and bind my stories, but that's not this year's project.

15. Do you foresee any personal or professional obstacles this year, that would keep you from creating fanworks? 

Yes. 100%. I have some crazy stuff going on in real life. Writing is part of my self-care program, but I can only do as much as I have time for (which isn't much).

16. Do you have that one fanfic that you wrote a ton for, ages ago, but never posted? Will this be the year, come hell or high water, that it WILL get finished and posted?

Nope. I am weak. If I've written enough for a chapter, I've posted it. This is a habit I'm hoping to change!

17. Do you typically answer all comments/reviews individually? Do you plan to change the way you interact with your readers this year?

I do! Sometimes it takes me a while to reply (thanks to that stupid real life I've talked about). I love interacting with my readers. I have no plans to change that.

18. Do you typically post multi-chapters as you write, or finish it all and then start posting? Would you like to change your posting method? 

Previously, I've posted as I write, but I'm changing that. This year, I'm only posting (or updating, as I'm not posting anything completely new this year) once the story is finished.

19. Would you consider non-fandom writing events, like NaNoWriMo or writing contests? 

Nanowrimo, probably.

20. Any plans to work on original fiction this year?

Yes. My goal for this year is the first draft of an original fiction novel for my firstborn. It's currently in the nebulous world-building stage, missing characters and plot.

21. Will you try writing software, like Scrivener or those programs that won’t let you stop writing?

I will keep using what I've always used: Microsoft Word and Scrivener.

22. Do you plan to take writing classes this year?

Not this year. I've done several before over the years (and even helped teach an online one).

23. Would you like to go on a writing retreat?

I would love to! But I don't think I have either the time or the budget for it this year.

24. By the end of this year, you want your fandom to think of you as “that author who _______.”

F I N I S H E S. That's my sole fic goal for 2024: finishing wips. As many as I can.

25. If you answered questions from this list last year, find your answers and compare your goals to your results. How’d you do?

N/A

[rinseesims]

Okay so I’m now obsessed with your ultimate decade’s challenge and really wanna try it myself! Drop the mods folder, seriously I love how immersive your sims world is. Also any advice for getting started and staying motivated?

I'm sorry this response is so late, but thank you so much! All the mods I used to start out are listed on my pinned. If you see a specific mod that you like and can't find in my tags, feel free to ask, and I'll pull it up next time I'm in-game.

Also, I think my biggest piece of advice is, just do what makes YOU happy and go with the flow.

When it comes to mechanics like setting up a save, try not to stress yourself out. I honestly just started with an empty save, made the the Rolfe parents and gave them three kids to start off. I downloaded a few builds from the gallery, like a bathhouse, tavern, castle, etc. and looked for a few medieval families as well, but I didn't fill up the neighborhood because I knew I'd just be working from the ground up. You also don't HAVE to have a castle and royal family - I just really wanted to try out the Royalty mod! You can also make your own builds and families, but I generally don't have the patience, lmao! There are people who like to make sure their saves are 100000% ready to start like aesthetics, accurate builds, etc, and that's fine and amazing! I'm just a little less patient with setup and decided to take things as they came and focus on the main family gameplay over the aesthetics (because I'm lazy).

When it comes to legacy challenges, most have a formula for you to follow and it can get easy to get stuck in the routine of it. I love challenges because they give me a good to-do list and keep me invested in the game, but I really like to sort of come up with reasons as to why my sims do certain things so that I'm invested in the story as well. The Ultimate Decades Challenge differs from other challenges in that, it doesn't really have a specific formula like aspirations and goals. The death rolls make things interesting, and so do the events, but these can take several sim days and therefore, there's the risk of losing interest because you're just waiting for your sim to age up or have babies.

I think the best way to tackle this challenge is to come up with a story and figure out what your sims' motives are. This never has to be immediate. I kind of figure out the bare bones stuff and decide on things as they happen and build up the story from there (I wasn't planning on having Aemma meet Cassian, but alas, it happened, and we had a whole THING based on that dynamic). Sometimes the sims themselves do something wild and I'll take that and run with it (i.e. Aemma getting attacked by the tax guy). I didn't intend on making Cassian such a jerk, but since he was acting up right after marrying Joan, I said oh well! My goal has always been to just have my heirs and get through each year, but everything just falls into place, because if I tried to plan every step, then I'd stress myself out!

Historical accuracy is a big part of what makes this challenge so different from modern gameplay, but don't feel tethered to it. The Sims has limitations and there's only so much cc and mods can do. I didn't expect to have a supernatural storyline in mine, but when I saw an opportunity for it, I just said screw it, and that's pretty much my motto when I play UDC. I prefer to stick to the rules of the challenge as far as the doc is concerned, and I love history so I do like to listen to podcasts and videos for research, but the rest is really up to what makes gameplay convenient and fun for me. I don't feel compelled to stress over every single inaccuracy present in my game (and there are many) because then I won't really have fun with it. Some people hate that, and some people don't mind, but it's your game at the end of the day.

The SPREADSHEET is a lifesaver. I'm all over the place and need things visually laid out for me, so I actually have a lot of fun (weird) updating the spreadsheet. It's also how I keep up with this growing family, since I usually refer to what comes next visually to figure out what I'm going to focus on in the next episode. I've also updated/added stuff to that spreadsheet that works best for me, and I know other UDC simmers have done the same with their own.

Finally, give yourself a little grace. I can't speak on motivation because I go through bouts where I lack it, and I used to kick myself whenever I wasn't able to fulfill a goal. I ended up on a five month hiatus for MANY reasons, but it had nothing to do with my love for the game. If it wasn't for all the outside factors, I think I would have still been very motivated to continue my usual schedule, but even if I wasn't, that's okay. I work a stressful job that takes a lot out of me and sometimes I just don't want to record or do much of anything, but I knew I'd get back to it eventually, and I know there are people who understand that.

I hope this helps! And I hope you are having fun with this challenge if you've already started it!!

[aroacehanzawa]

im back bc i consider you the literature (and orv) mutual, idk why but since starting accounting i put everything in goddamn spreadsheets and now im planning my reading for 2024 so i wont freeze like a deer in headlights when deciding what to read HWUSHWH

IVE ORDERED BOTH DEMIAN AND NARCISSUS AND GOLDMUND YAY (rip shopping restraint) and the narcissus n goldmund one arrived already hehe i remember u saying it's still very reminiscent of demian so why not read one right after the other uwu

however im also interested in ursula k. leguin’s works and i think ive seen u talk about/reblog le guin and,,,ever since i saw her quote about kindness from the left hand of darkness and how when stripped of everything it's the only thing we have etc. etc. AND IDK IF IT'S FROM THE SAME BOOK BUT IT'S DEFINITELY LEGUIN’S WORK the ‘what if there is no end? all we have is the means’ and i feel like puncturing a wooden door with my head whenever i remember both IM LOSING TRACK OF WHAT I WANNA ASK SO ILL ASK RN IM SORRY HSUWHS

do u have leguin recs? or any leguin ur also interested in reading in the future?

no pressure to answer/ gen also i hope the holidays are memorable for you in a good way, something to look back on n feel warmth <333

Hiii i hope you have a great holiday too!! omg the reading list spreadsheet is such a mood 😭😭❤️❤️

I'M SO GLAD YOU GOT DEMIAN AND NARCISSUS & GOLDMUND!!!! I recommend reading demian first but yes they're both very good!

As for Le Guin, i 1000% recommend The Left Hand of Darkness, it's the only book i gave 5 stars to that i've read this year and i'm not kidding when i say it changed my life. I haven't read her other stuff yet but i've heard that The Word For World Is Forest is also a good one and apparently it's something of an allegory or commentary on the Vietnam War. and i've heard a lot of good things about The Dispossessed that i've also been meaning to read next! I think these three are all set in the same universe too.

Wish you a wonderful and peaceful rest of the year 💗