#i have such a compulsion to do the families and supporting characters too

[plumbus-central]

doodle dump #3

[dav-suburbiia]

another BANGER episode

some thoughts below

Hu Jing and Levi Fontana I will love you forever and ever and ever. I had headcanon’d Levi to have ASPD for a bit and I think this episode helps with that sentiment! he’s such an interesting character, just like Veronika said. giving him a (very platonic) nose kiss

I’m curious about Hu’s past . did she perhaps lack something to live for, and eventually found it either in her talent or in her more “nurturing” way of life? perhaps in a “if I can’t take care of myself, I will take care of others” deal. I adore her, I hope she’s able to find a time where she can comfortably open up about it rather than having it forced out of her.

I immediately knew why David didn’t mention Arei reassuring him. it’s, surprise, a common symptom of depression to believe you don’t deserve good things, including emotional support. so it was less difficult for him to pretend it didn’t happen than to accept that someone cared about him in that way. he probably didn’t lie with bad intentions in this case but, regardless, it was still a dick move not to tell Eden about it.

honestly, just in general, Eden needs a break from all the bullshit in this killing game …

speaking of Eden. the fork scene?! that fork should look familiar to those who have studied that mysterious “bloody hand” scene in the prologue. obviously, those hands are too light to be Eden’s, and I still stand by my theory of them being Xander’s. I do have a whole theory about this small clip with the new Eden CG in mind, but I’m a little embarrassed about it so I likely won’t talk about it with anyone but my close friends …

either way, this entire sequence was INSANELY interesting. I’m happy we got to see Arei alive and well again. I just like seeing her experience that genuine catharsis she needs, and looking to improve not only herself, but being open to see another “shitty” person improve! it is a shame that dream was cut short…

so, on another note, shocker! David wasn’t lying about having Xander’s secret. well, not as much of a shocker to me. I believed he was telling the truth for a while. I’m glad we got our confirmation- though- this means we can officially say Teruko’s mysterious brother is six feet under! whoopie!

(not something to be happy about actually. I’m sorry, girl.)

I wonder what happened. it could just be some standard tragedy but my ridiculous compulsion with connecting everything is telling me that what happened to her family has some major plot relevance. She “didn’t go with them”… where? What happened? Only time will tell us for now, and I’m no expert theorist, so I’ll leave that to the smart people-..

oh, right, Nico. I doubt Teruko is going to pursue them as the culprit? if she was, I think the “select someone” thing would have happened. I assume all she wants here is clarification and for them to elaborate more on what happened with that whole Ace situation. I look forward to what they have to say. I’d love to finally get some closure on that fiasco.

that is all! lovely episode, can’t wait for next week. hope you all had a very (un)lucky Friday the 13th. :]

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for lying to my friends due to a psychological disorder?

Ever since I (21F, american) was quite young (I would say around my 9 or 10 years) my mother noticed I had a tendency for lying, sometimes even for no reason at all. Some years after that I started going through therapy and psychiatric sessions and was diagnosed as bipolar and, more specifically, mythomania (compulsive/pathological lying, the diagnostic changed depending on which psychiatrist I went through). My manic episodes usually last longer than the depressive ones and, when those happen, I usually just lock myself from everyone in my bedroom (I rarely leave home even during manic episodes due to my own fear of anything bad that could happen outside)

And I'd say it's during those manic episodes that the bad things start to happen. Ever since my early 17s I started fabricating my own life to online friends since I have extreme difficulty making friends on real life. This ranged from stuff such as me saying that I'm disabled and that's why I don't leave my house (not true, I can do it when necessary but otherwise I am able bodied) and other simple, white lies to stuff like my relationship with my family and living condition.

It was in 2021 I think it started to go downhill. I still don't think I was in the wrong for it since, again, it is a mental disorder but I decided to come ask others too since the one friend I have that knows about it thinks I might be an asshole about this in specific.

Around 2021 I started playing a specific game with gacha mechanics. To this point, the image I had painted to most online friends (with the exception of that one friend) was of a girl on her 20s with a good relationship with her mother but a bad one with both her dad and brother (a lie, as our dad left us when we were children and I have a pretty good relationship with my brother), disabled and in bad living conditions. Because of that, it had been some time (since the beginning of the lockdown) since some of these friends started sending me money whenever I said I needed it for one reason or another (usually to buy food or necessities like hygiene products) and, since I didn't need it at all, I would just end up using it on stuff I enjoy like art supplies or makeup.

The moment I started playing that game though (which none of my friends knew about since they still thought I didn't have my own computer), I started spending all of that money on the game to pull for characters. It wasn't a constant thing but it got specifically bad on 2022, when a character I really enjoy was released.

I still think it's not that bad since none of them gave me a lot of money anyways, but after what I already had was spent on the game and I didn't have any money to buy the currency, I went to the discord servers venting channel and started writing by impulse stuff like how my dad had evicted me and me alone from the house after I stood up to him and now I was living in my cramped old car on the streets with no food, clothes etc. Some of those friends got extremely worried or something like that and ended up sending me more money than usual so I could 'pay for a hotel' until I had time to get government support etc (I don't really know how that works anyways, but I said I'd try and thanked them a lot for it and said that as soon as I was safe I'd draw something for them as payback but I never did because it wasn't really like it was a commission anyways) and I spent it on the game to get the character and I did!

I had to keep the lie about being homeless and then getting government support ever since and last month me and my "real life partner" (not real but i made it up a few months before this so i just used it as a excuse that he was working to get us both a place to stay) were finally in a safe apartment. However, one of those online friends knew about my condition and started to suspect about it all and got angry at me for no reason, saying that I was stealing from my friends and being unfair on even denying that to her. After that she blocked me but I was able to lie to the server that she had threatened me and implied I was lying about it all which wasn't true because that was my real living situation.

I still don't think I am in the wrong, they all did offer it to me on their own after all and I already spent it so there's nothing I can do. Am I the asshole for lying due to a mental health condition?

What are these acronyms?

[the-bloody-sadist]

Hi because of the previous ask I am now kinda curious about what trauma you would like to something as basic as telekinesis. Also I know he technically doesn’t have an ability in bad I am curious what trauma you would write for lovecraft

Are you guys not spellchecking yourself on purpose now to get a reaction out of me...

>:'(

"what trauma you would LIKEN to" SLAPS YOU

"and ability in BSD" SLAMS YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE CORNER OF A TABLE

I'm so sorry, I actually would love to answer your ask though. :D yay! Thank you for the ask!

Telekinesis ability - so on it's own without a character that exists to bounce off of, it's a little harder for me to spitball some sort of OC with a trauma telekinesis ability (because I have so much freedom and so little restriction), but I'll try!!

Let's go with telekinesis = hypervigilance. AHA! I will link this. Hypervigilance is the elevated state of constantly assessing potential threats around you, often found in those with PTSD/CPTSD. I have CPTSD and am plagued with this, so I know exactly how it works from experience. LET ME COOK LET ME COOK I CAN DO IT. Okay. This OC would have CPTSD (all ability users would have the metaphor of PTSD in my BSD AU but in case you didn't see my first ask post about this, I'm confirming that). I'd give OC a childhood spent in turmoil based on their parents' abuse. Okay wait, I'd focus on just one parent being abusive with an enabler partner. Yes. Realism. Focus. Okay.

Abusive parent - psychological/emotional combo. Says one thing constantly, means the other thing. Applauded and hailed by those outside the family (and inside the family too) for their outward good deeds and "amazing parenting". The OC is a well-behaved child and has spent their life praised for being so behaved by friends of the family. Rich family, privileged. Nobody would believe there was abuse going on in the home. Parent constantly praises their child and loves on them in public for their natural talents. Anything that they don't like about the child is ignored and swept under the rug as if it doesn't exist, meaning anything the OC child is interested in that isn't supported by the parents is treated like it's not there.

Behind closed doors, torture. Daily. Not in the physical sense, but in the perfectionist sense. OC is told how to think, how to speak, how to act. Though policing is key. If they step a single foot out of line, punishment. They're berated and lectured on how much of a bad person this makes them, and how they need to get their thoughts in order and they need to be only expressing themselves in ways that are beautiful and "right" and happy. They have to be an example for their siblings.

this is just becoming about me and I'm gonna start rambling too much. oh my god. whatever. CONTINUING.

Because of this, OC becomes hyperaware of every thought they ever have, feeling guilty if it ever strays from perfect and "moral" and "good" and "kind". This stress multiplies to the point of developing an anxiety compulsion around never thinking a bad thought or dreaming of a bad thing. However, they're convinced that their parents are constantly thinking badly about them and want them dead because they're such a horrible person. They want to know so badly what their parents really think, because they constantly tell OC that they should have only pure thoughts, but they're hypocritical when it comes to doing so themselves, OC is convinced. After all, what exactly constitutes a "good" or "bad" thought? How are they supposed to know? Their parents seem to think about whatever they want, and everything OC wants is bad, apparently. If nothing else, OC wants to learn how to think like their parents so they can become a good person. Because their parents are good people, obviously, who only want the best for OC.

Their parents feel so alien, though, that OC spends every waking moment reading their parents' expressions for any hint at what they're really thinking, especially when they're being nice. They try to read between the lines of everything said to them. Because of this, boom, ability born. Suddenly they start actually hearing the parents' thoughts, but they believe at first that they've entered some sort of schizophrenic state and the voices are in their head.

Jump to current day, OC has confirmed telekinesis, and reading others' thoughts has made them develop a panic disorder, because seeing into brains means seeing every good and bad thing thought about them, and OC struggles to keep from being a people-pleaser machine that does everything in their power to be what others want them or think them to be so that they can keep others' thoughts as pure as possible.

Hope that....was coherent. Basically OC would be obsessed with people pleasing because of their trauma of having to please their parents just to survive, and then I'd make their emotional arc about coming to realize that thoughts are neutral, anybody is allowed to think anything, and having bad thoughts is actually a great thing, a way to process feelings instead of self-destructing by bottling everything up until it bursts and you have no idea why.

UMMM OKAY. LOVECRAFT NEXT!

.....

...........uh

I just left this post for like a whole 30mins reminding myself of the details of Lovecraft and looking for scene compilations of him and hunting for backstory and dude IM ACTUALLY SO STUMPED ON THIS ONE. His non-ability of turning into an eldritch monster is like....it's too basic and unfounded in any reasoning. He just IS an alien monster, and his personality is based on how much of a weirdo he is just because he's an alien monster. So trying to come up with a trauma for him that created this non-ability is impossible, kinda, since his character is founded on him BEING the monster instead of having the monster to use and a backstory (there's literally no backstory on his wiki so I assume bro just exists).

The only trauma I could really give him would be based in his alienation from society as a weird creature-thing. I do love that trope sometimes, so taking his canon traits (it makes him itch when he's the center of attention, he's constantly sleepy, overanxious, and never motivated to do anything i.e. wants things to be over with ASAP), the trauma I could try to tie in would be a Frankenstein-esque plot. People saw him as inherently bad because of what he exists as, not because of anything he's done, and treated him with fear and loathing because of it. And he's so cold all the time, he just wants to be close to somebody warm. He uses the fire as a substitute, but that's not like having a human body. He just wants to be warmmmm!!!! He bundles up to substitute for the lack of human warmth and also to hide as much as possible, he sleeps when he can so he can avoid being seen, and he itches when he's the center of attention because he's been a victim of mob mentality before.

Children have been his one hope, since children are more inclined to accept even weird people, so he's tried his best to make his tentacles into balloon animals and be entertaining so he could make friends (like he did in canon with Q). There!

hopefully that was as good enough :'D thanks, anon!! It's fun to talk my brain on a walk with prompts like this. <3

[baby-xemnas]

Even tho Bepo does make a few comments about female bears, i wonder if it is more of an automatic response than anything, maybe something like compulsive speciism like you mentioned. Like it’s not something at the forefront of Bepo’s mind but that’s what is expected, that a mink will be with another mink, so that informs what he says out loud. I can’t help but think about how Bepo left Zou at such a very young age too, bc as far as we know, Bepo has been around humans far longer than minks at this point, so i wonder how that would’ve impacted or shaped his development and outlook on such things? In other areas too, I wonder if Bepo felt odd coming back to Zou, seeing the differences between himself and other minks who grew up and stayed in Zou or stayed in closer contact to minks even if they weren’t living in Zou. All this in relation to LawBepo and Bepo’s immediate intense strong attachment to Law, it’s interesting to think about!

yeeee.....

its a single crumb of Bepo's presense on Zou during that arc but i did appreciate when it was noted that "Even though he is from here, he is still an outsider" like thats GREAT thats a bit of worldbuilding i really appreciate making characters behavior more believable - ye no shit...not only did this guy not live with them, disappearing as a kid - he brought humans with him too - he is a complete stranger to the island. imagine moving to a very different country in elementary school - all your formative years would be shaped in accordance to the new place. I love that they treated him like the stranger he is

and GOOD POINT ABOUT HIS INSTANT ATTACHMENT TO LAW like yes of course its logical that he would be appreciative of a person who saved him - but Bepo had ZERO apprehension towards Law and following Law to a strangers house.. ofc u can say that he is too naive and easily trusting but it mustve been so crazy to him to be like wow! not only humans exist (when they met bepo have gotten over that initial surprise and probably hid from adults til pensha found him and beat his ass) but there are nice ones too! yay!!!!!!!!! :D!!

its absolutely compulsive species attraction like "i'm supposed to find a bear mink" and he just thought that way the whole time growing up and didnt even consider humans - and that was fine because he was very busy loving and supporting law - thought didnt cross his mind...if he felt horny he just thought "oh well i cant do nothing about this! idk where bear women are at!"

i love thinking about how weird it felt to come back home (and like i talked abt before i love that bepo didnt go home because he wanted to fullfill his initial wishes to 1) find zunesha on his own - reason he learned navigation 2) find out where his brother go - no he went to zou because (as he himself probably suggested as it was a safest place) law ordered them to lay low somewhere....i love that so much, that law going off on his personal vendetta mission caused bepo to fullfil his personal dream - the one that he put away for so long BECAUSE what law became way more important.

There is a sense of shame and wrong priorities there - imagine that instead of being a sort of triumphant/celebratory visit home where you can boast look at me i'm a pirate like my big brother! No instead he comes home asking for help, for a place to hide, not only for himself but strangers to the island - and he himself is as much a stranger as the humans. oof.

Its hard to imagine he felt that comfortable around minks at first, it was a wishful thinking like here i am among my people - but they look at him (and rightfully so) like an alien - and bepo is too worried about law to care....he is not there to integrate back into society....these people are not his people anymore, his crew and law are his family now

its super interesting and i really am sour forever that we didnt get more about this aside from "he is still a stranger even if he is from here" line about bepo and others being quarantined to a single area - and that one moment where bepo says "even if im a stranger this is my island too" when they are about to help defend zou against beast pirates along with locals

[amethystfairy1]

Man its been so long since ive commented on a fic, but damn. At first, i mostly read the fh and scarian TTSBC fics but ive honestly gotten so damn invested in all the characters and their storylines.

Ive never been interested in treebark as a ship before, and honestly this fic (and the others in this series) truly made me reconsider. i still dont think ill go out looking for more treebark fics, but the ones you post are an exception. honest to god, yours is the only series that has gotten me really invested in naturewives, soupgroup, treebark, zedango, papa pix' & his lil fam, and doc/etho. if that doesnt say something about the writing quality of your work, i dont know what does.

i love your writing and your series. youre doing super great my guy, and i hope you remember that next time you feel down about your work<3

and a question, aside from ren and lizzie (and the birb trio and bdubs lol), do any of the other people in the "undercity hooligans" friend circle actually have parents/family? or are most of them orphans too? is there an undercity orphanage where all the funky lil creatures go? if not, maybe doc n etho should get on that ;) sounds like a... "fun" retirement job for the compulsive adopters to have when they find people to take their places(*ehem* tango and fwhip *ehem*) in a few more decades or so, of course haha

Thank you thank you!!! 💖

I'm so glad I've gotten you invested into all the other little ships and family units running around! I am so honored you think my writing is worthy of such high praise!

The rest of the 'undercity hooligan' friend group, huh? They're a mixed bag, a lot of them do have parents/families, some of them are raised within a clan system that's unique to the under-city or their subspecies, we will get into their individual upbringings as we get to know them all better and worldbuild out the undercity!

As far as the orphanage thing, there is still the wardship program through the undercity lab! Except now that it's under Doc's leadership, it's actually doing what it should've always been doing, which is taking in/supporting/educating abandoned/orphaned kids...that doesn't mean there aren't still a lot of gutter rats, and the labs can't support them all or even manage to round all of them up...it's still pretty rough. As we keep saying, the undercity has claws, and just because the labs are under better leadership doesn't mean everything has changed. 😓

I think Tango is little too busy spontaneously combusting over his new texting buddy Zedaph to consider adaption at this point. Fwhip is still a loose cannon working for the mafia so who knows what he's thinking 😆

Thanks so much for your kind words and for coming by!

[shallowoak]

Little Words in the Small Hours

>> Or read on AO3 here! <<

Summary: Finding himself as Law’s guardian and father figure, Rosinante ponders the nature of parenthood through his own experiences. With thanks to @lunarforrest for proofreading! ❤️

Word Count: 6.9k Rating: Mature, No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Donquixote "Corazon" Rosinante, Trafalgar D. Water Law, Donquixote Doflamingo, Sengoku The Buddha, Donquixote Pirates (One Piece), others mentioned - Character

Additional Tags: Rosi-centric, rating is for themes and explicit language, descriptions of physical abuse, descriptions of childhood trauma, Canon-Typical Misery, Canon-Typical Violence, Pre-Canon, One Shot, Character Study, Introspection, spoilers for dressrosa, both Rosinante and Law are autistic, it was just going that way, Autistic Trafalgar D. Water Law, negative views on the military, though this is OP so I don't suppose you were willing to accept authority anyway, but just in case, headcanons galore, what can you do when your fav is taken away 5 mins after being introduced, yes I'm fine thanks for asking, yet another excuse to write a blonde man having a crisis, use of Den Dens as assistance animals, we love worldbuilding, Medical Inaccuracies, (X Drake drowning in the pool) this ain't about him

Through the gap in his cabin curtains, Rosinante watched as snow fell. Aboard passenger ship “The Mixer”, the gentle sway of their overnight crossing should’ve rocked them to sleep hours ago.

Swaddled together under his feathery coat, Law’s breathing was barely visible. Sat upright, one arm supported the small of Law’s back, the other gently petted his hair. Head limply resting against the cabin wall, the scratchy boat-issued blanket was used instead as a foot warmer for Rosi’s too-long legs. Staring unseeing into the dark, unable to find rest, Law clutched Rosi’s unwashed nightshirt as though it were a lifeline.

Not many moons ago, he would’ve craved a journey like this. No knots to tie, no Marine business, no family matters. Just quiet days for reading and long nights for chain smoking with a stranger. Enjoying the easy sounds of a cheap musician as the crew changed over. The liminal space of getting to know a ship, people, the bottom of a glass he knew he’d never see again.

Now, he despised that quiet. The pair could only hold one another as the boy’s laboured breathing filled the room. Quiet gave intrusive thoughts leverage, the pain and lethargy seeming worse at night. Free from the day’s rush of route planning, hospital visits and running, all they had to think about was reality. The increasingly rapid deterioration was more apparent as Law’s skin became less and less his own. The kid scratched it compulsively, wanting to be free of his discomfort, to somehow peel away the poisoned flesh and see himself underneath. He’d tried to teach Law to ground himself, to hold something comforting when he felt the need to itch. His little body had no extra energy to keep stitching up his arms.

An early night had turned into all night.

Nearing thirteen, most kids Law’s age would recoil at the idea of cuddling as the awkwardness of puberty set in. Too proud, too independent to need his love. On the surface, Law was certainly no different. He left a strong impression on everyone he met, unafraid to challenge the world and every blind adult who inhabited it. He’d sooner carve a hole through Rosi’s coat than admit he wanted to be underneath it.

The dark, the relentless cold, the long, fruitless search and endless hours of travel… These things had an effect. One that even Law was not immune to. As extraordinary as this kid was, he was still just a child. A child who had seen and been through things that would leave an adult scarred. A child who needed a gentle hand and comics as a reward for visiting the Doctor.

Over time, his beautiful brown skin had become ashen and cold, all the warm tones cruelly drawn away as the poisoning progressed. White spots-turned patches became increasingly prominent. All but impossible to ignore in the low light.

So, they did the only thing they could do. Wordlessly try to comfort one another, afraid to speak the truth. It did precious little to stop the long note in the back of Rosi’s mind filling him with dread.

Public transport and cosy overnight cabins were a luxury the pair could ill afford. Too traceable, far cheaper and easier to steal a vessel. Between being a Marine and a pirate, manning a small one single-handedly should be a cinch. Equally, it would be easier and safer to leave Law to die. For him to carry on undercover, to not cause a fuss. To let fate take her course and let Law succumb- or live his remaining years believing dying for Doflamingo was ‘love’.

As the deadline loomed, Rosinante’s heart grew fonder. Softer. Determined. It wasn’t justice nor kindness to leave Law to the wolves. It was unbearable to leave Law alone overnight while he manned a stolen boat.

He wouldn’t go down without kicking and screaming, even if he failed. If they couldn’t secure a cure, Law would pass peacefully by Rosi’s side, knowing he was loved. Safe from having to commit atrocities to live. If his brother got hold of Law, he’d sooner shoot the boy himself. He’d choose Law over himself in any situation.

The easiest option was rarely the right one. Rosinante tried to tell himself he deserved to sleep in a bed.

Until a year ago, Rosi had never imagined children in his cards. He’d never enjoyed being a kid, let alone seen the appeal of raising one. He’d never even entertained the idea of a girl -or boy- friend. Before all their strife; Law had been one of two. Rosi was one of two. He did not doubt that Doffy had fathered many more kids than he adopted. People chose to do this all the time. But it never crossed his mind that it was something for him.

A small part of him wished he had a better childhood, a normal one. A small part of him yearned to understand what kind of life Law had led before the disease ravaged his homeland. Maybe then he’d feel more ready for this. Others his age had tried to kill him, just as their parents encouraged. The brothers had been hunted down and punished for their father's and their community's sins rather than their individual actions. He only had Doffy for guidance, a boy brutalised by their ordeal and forced to turn to violence to cope.

They were both changed for the worse. What part of that experience was supposed to help him here? There was so much to fuck up with child development. So many ways to permanently damage a young psyche. So many of Doffy’s learned, twisted ideals he didn’t want anywhere near Law at the most impressionable time in his life. Rosinante hardly felt better. He didn’t feel as though he’d ever truly recovered from his childhood traumas, and now he was tasked with guiding Law through his own. Poor kid had already been through so much. Rosi couldn’t afford to lead him astray.

He’d known a few families in his life, but he wasn’t quite sure what to make of any of them. There was a memory of his birth parents trying to provide Doffy and him with a real life. With more than what they had. To try to give Law more than what he had wasn’t saying much- yet still felt like a mountain to climb. Sengoku had made it look easy, taking in someone so young and vulnerable with only the simple job of raising them on the line.

As a child, he thought Sengoku was awesome. The shit, invincible. He was like a Dragon, rich and powerful with the world at his feet- but he got to blast bad guys, too. He got to go wherever, command whoever, have whatever. For all their birth parents wanted Rosi and Doffy to lead a normal life, he had fallen on his feet with Sengoku. After months of abuse, mouldy food, loss and sleepless nights in drafty shacks, he’d been comforted to find a familiar home with hot water and soft sheets. In the end, what he knew was luxury.

As an adult…? He wasn’t so naive as to think a family had to be nuclear to work. A family could be a single father and his adopted son. That was his normal; lived it. If he had his way, he’d be reliving it for many years to come. But nothing about his life with Sengoku was normal, really. An admiral for a father figure, almost twice Rosi’s current age when he’d chosen to adopt. He was wise and sound, and he had access to the most powerful support network in the world for anything he needed.

Except… Many of Rosi’s first months were spent not in his care- but in that of a hospital or visiting specialist. After that, he was often away on duty for weeks or months at a time. Even at home, he worked long hours, hardly seeing Rosi as he chipped away at his desk. With Sengoku, he’d been shielded from so much of the world he’d known on the streets. That had been nice at first, but he came to miss someone to play with, regular schooling, and unlimited family time. There was good reason why any sensible Marine took leave or retired to raise their family.

But one of the things he’d never wanted for was medical care. Having found a random child on the street, Sengoku had been wise in getting him checked out. The fleet of Navy Doctors had returned him billed with a long receipt of new diagnoses.

A catalogue of the extensive wounds from his clear history of abuse. Horrific, ugly, burned into the memory of the physicians who saw them. But easy enough to identify and begin to treat. Physiotherapy for his torn shoulder muscles, from where he had been strung up for hours on end. Careful reintroduction to food after malnutrition, a specialised diet to build mass and strength. Extensive grafting and liberal use of creams for his burns. Bedrest for his angry bruises and burst eardrums. He was littered with so many cuts, holes and scrapes that just needed respite and time to repair themselves. For months, he’d looked like a moth-eaten quilt while he recovered. Sengoku amused him, studying the diagram on how to wrap bandages on awkward areas of skin like he would a battle plan- hunched over his desk with his brows furrowed.

Then, there was the acceptance of the permanent hearing loss brought on by prolonged -close-range- exposure to gunfire and explosions. His left ear now heard nothing, whilst the right teetered in the 40-50% range. Therapists helped him learn to live with the difference but there was no cure for clumsiness, only fuelled by the new lack of balance.

He’d been offered something special, a then-experimental surgery. A surgery Vegapunk’s team had been fine-tuning for public use by implementing it in Marine hospital trials. An implant into his left cochlear would allow him some hearing back. A specially shaped Den Den Mushi earpiece would sit on the shell of his ear and act as a receiver and interpreter for sounds. The telepathic snails were billed to provide an overall clearer, more stable sound to the internal components -adapted from the telephone originals- than using electronics alone.

At the time, he’d been sick of surgery. The seemingly endless cycle of groggy pain, tubes, and check-ups. Being stuck inside, summer days wasted with their melding together. Adults looked at him with concern as they kept turning up shrapnel in his scans, time and again. Phrases like ‘implant’ and ‘clinical trial’ had been too much for him then, and he’d been quick to turn down any added grief. The Snail solution was also not a perfect one, as it needed rest and to be fed. It would be closer to working with a service dog, and he’d need to learn how to look after it. He wasn’t sure how to look after himself. No, the old wounds were enough.

Perhaps he would’ve taken it now, having felt the impact of hearing loss in his day-to-day life. Perhaps he’d been a stupid, rash kid. He’d often looked back on himself that way. Though if he had taken it… He couldn’t have cheesed the Marine health check. The external components were much too obvious for even Sengoku to be able to hide on his record. He never would’ve gone through basic or field training, never deployed to spy on his brother. Never would’ve come to meet Law. If he’d made the choice he’d always scorned himself for? His dad could still probably swing him a desk job for the Marines: pencil-pushing anti-scurvy fruit deliveries. Safe. Sonless.

On the mental side, there were long-term conditions to contend with. The aspects of Rosi that were harder to pin and even slower to treat. Hordes of unprocessed grief, paranoia, generalised anxiety, insomnia. It culminated with a healthy topping of PTSD. Rosi’s schedule of pills and appointments rivalled Sengoku’s business calendar for a time. Finally, the one that stumped his father the most. Autism. He’d always remember the look on his father’s face as they sat in that office.

In time, it would be something he’d come to learn he shared with Law, although the two experienced it differently. Rosinante’s own was sensory-biased, his social symptoms negligible before the abuse exasperated them. Noise, light and touch. All things he struggled with. Some days, he’d shriek in the bath, find the hospital too bright, or try to bolt when Sengoku hugged him. It had taken a monumental amount of trust and gentle convincing for the hair to be removed from over Rosi’s eyes. He’d resented the sharp, unfamiliar equipment, the feeling of little prickly hairs against his skin, and the prospect of more light hitting his eyes. Audio processing issues combined with hearing loss made calming explanations difficult to understand. Things often needed to be repeated and for a time, the world only grew more terrifying. Sengoku didn’t recommend him for undercover work because he was good with the sounds of battle or because he could process new information quickly. In battle, there was a real chance he’d be stabbed long before he noticed the wielder’s approach.

From what he could gather, Law’s experience was more socially skewed. He struggled to both display and understand emotions. He took things literally and spoke bluntly, the heart on his sleeve sometimes seeming unforgiving to the uninitiated. Law tended to fixate, tunnel visioned for months on end. He could tell you in (literally) nauseating detail about his favourite medical processes. Or his favourite writing techniques used in the comics he liked.

They both found change hard, their new circumstances confusing. Their lack of routine or stability, the constant new faces and towns, made Law antsy. As their journey continued, Law had less to say. Less patience to spare. As a self-conscious teen, Doctors often assumed Law was brought in to be referred for counselling- that he needed help accepting his Autism or ‘Vitiligo’. He probably did, but it was never the main issue. After a while, Law stopped correcting them and stopped speaking up. He let his dad run him through the motions.

It was hard for Rosinante, too, to see and understand that pain. Not being able to do anything to alleviate it. Forced to carry on with the only option they had. He was starting to resent himself for the quiet his power created. For taking Law into a place which made him uncomfortable. For feeling like he wouldn’t be enough.

Sengoku was neither detached nor the most gentle of hands. His job was to be confident and turn the neurotypical into soldiers. He represented the World Government and expected others to fall into line. But even when he wasn’t sure what to make of Rosinante’s behaviour, he’d always been enough. A warm hand to hold, a secure home, a steady job.

Despite his choosing to tackle Rosinante’s trauma response with navy indoctrination. Despite his belief that regardless of Rosinante's disposition- discipline and structure were sure to yield results. That in Sengoku's mind, it was business as usual.

Despite his numerous faults, Sengoku had been a good father to him. He diligently and often single-handedly took care of Rosi when he was around. Rosi had been a quiet, sensitive child, and Sengoku had always been firm enough to slowly push him out of his shell.

Once he’d been deemed old and fit enough, he’d been allowed to accompany his father on safer voyages. Time on the sea had been presented to him as part of his recovery, that it would be good for him to get fresh air and see some sights after being inside for so long. Whilst not untrue, both father and son knew it was cover so they could spend more time together.

His days as a glorified ship’s mascot had been a blast. He had no official job, but he spent his days soaking up information, experiences, and affection from his crew. He got to see his dad daily and get tucked in every night. They played board games in their quarters and identified sea mammals together. When the cannons were tested, Sengoku comforted and taught him how to protect his ears. And why Marines needed those loud sounds he was so afraid of. How they could be used to protect. They bonded, truly, as father and son.

The books and globes in the map room showed him the world, the navigation crew was only too happy to show off what they knew. Having only known sunny, moderate climates, places like deserts and tundras seemed like that of myth. Watching the cadets work by day, he got a good feel for terminology, knots and drills. During mealtimes, they'd chat about daily life back home and regale him with fanciful tales of mermaids and adventure. Being with them was the closest he got to normality his parents dreamed of.

Hanging around with his Dad gave him exclusive access, too, to explore the private areas of a ship without being summoned there for punishment. Eventually, he even learnt what it was that his Dad actually did.

He'd never thought of it as conditioning, but at 16, with a gentle push from dad, he’d signed up for basic training to join the crew full-time on the other end. And sure, he did turn out to be a decent Marine. He never fought back on Sengoku’s ideas. Eventually, they even put him in charge of others, which had always seemed like a mad decision to him. Being a Marine gave him something to do and a way to make his father happy. Being with Law now was the first time he’d ever carved his own path.

Rosinante still felt young in the only way he had left. Even after years of therapy, he felt no closer to true normalcy. Too much to reflect on, much more to learn- and precious little time. His kid couldn’t afford for him to be lost in his head, reeling from the past- wondering if Sengoku was any parent worth replicating. Wondering even if he could. Law needed his guidance, his support, and his answers now. Could Rosinante be trusted to provide a good life for Law- where professionals had failed him?

Thinking back, he was starting to feel that Sengoku had been this way, too. He’d loved Rosi unconditionally but hadn’t really known what to do with him. Nor had he the time to learn. For all his good intentions, it had been easiest to put Rosi into a box of his ideals and call the job done.

Bringing his mind back into the present, he held Law closer, resting his chin on the crown of the boy’s head. As if he wasn’t already too late to shield Law from anything.

Maybe enlistment was the only way Sengoku could think of to keep an eye on his vulnerable son. Maybe he was actually insane, thinking the military was any autistic person’s first career choice. His head spun listlessly. What the hell did either of them know about raising kids?

Shifting at the pressure, Law looked up at Rosinante.

“Toilet.”

Right. They’d been lying here awake for four or five hours now. He should probably go himself. Smiling gently, Rosi shifts the arm supporting his back to scoop up Law, his rear now resting on his arm. Law clings to him like Koala joey as they leave the cabin.

He thinks it sweet that Law still wants his security. That a kid so willing to kill still doesn’t want to walk an unfamiliar hall alone at night. He has to have hope that there’s still time to fix this. Law might not have his sea legs yet, but Rosi isn’t much better. Thank goodness it’s a calm night; he’d rather not go ass-over-hat with his kid in hand. That clumsiness never failed to amuse his fellow seamen. He traces along the wall with his free hand until they reach a small communal washroom.

The pair leave each other to their business, taking a stall each. He takes a longing look at the showers, knowing he’ll have to take a bath stool to fit under the shower head. Tomorrow can’t come soon enough. He’d been putting off washing and using the laundry service so their clothes would stay clean for longer once they were back on dry land.

Eventually, the two finish washing up, and Rosi scoops Law back up to pad back to their room. Even if Law wanted to walk, Rosi couldn’t reach down far enough to hold his hand. Somehow, he feels more tired after having gotten up. He’s thankful every night that Law came into his life not needing to be fed at 3 am.

He lifts the feather coat left on the bed, gently depositing Law underneath it. The small lump on the mattress doesn’t move. Rosi stares blankly at the dozing lump before tucking it in and arranging the sucky boat blanket as a pillow on the floor. For such an underdeveloped kid, be sure does take up a lot of space. He doesn’t mind, though. He’d known this was coming; he’d been too tall for the standardised mattress from the start. Besides, Law had the rule of cute and couldn’t be moved.

Only as Rosi shifts to curl up on the floor does Law stir, shuffling the coat to stare at his dad. Rosi stares back. A little hand appears from under the fluff, patting the bed and making a grabbing motion. His whole body then scoots closer to the inside of the bed, up against the windowed wall.

How can he say no to that? He’s so proud of Law for considering him!

Feeling sufficiently sleepier, Rosi opts to lie down facing towards Law, his knees bent and feet hanging out of the covers. The position isn’t optimal but it makes Law happy. His arm finds Law’s hat and passes it to him before loosely resting on the coat in a gentle hug.

Like them, that hat had been through a lot. It was the one thing Law still carried from his home island. He used it as a plush toy at night and thumbed it during the day when he was nervous or needed to itch. Frayed patches in the brim were already starting to appear. If it wasn’t being held, he wore it as though he’d crumble without its presence.

When Law joined the family, they’d tried to prise it from him. Tried to burn it with the rest of his old, corpse-stained clothes. There was no way they’d ever been clean, healthy enough to wear again. He wouldn’t say exactly how many days he had hidden in the corpse pile, let alone how long ago they had been fresh on. The rest of his wardrobe had been replaced, and Giolla and Baby 5 loved the opportunity to start fresh and dress Law in the same fun patterns as their Corazon. But taking the hat crossed a line. Even for the eccentric family, that hat was disgusting. It still had old, caked in blood on it. It reeked of sweat, bile and death. Turns out Law liked the stench of death. That was what home smelt like.

Law had bitten Diamante several times for trying to take it, threatening to eat his fingers so that Doffy couldn’t sew them back on. Ultimately, Doffy had to oversee an ‘intervention-negotiation’ to sort the matter out. Gladius tried to convince him a replica could be made, as his own clothes often needed replacing. Pica suggested some form of resin encasement. Baby called him a rat boy. No dice. Eventually, they’d reached the compromise that Law could keep the hat after a thorough washing. Sugar was picked as most suitable for the care of materials, and her soul was bored by gold eyes during the entire process.

After the washing, Law wasn’t happy for days. Not until the hat smelled right again- if a little less like death this time. But much to Rosi’s horror, Doffy’s intervention on Law’s behalf had only strengthened their bond.

There was real irony in how Law and a surprising number of other kids liked Doflamingo so much. A man equally damaged by his past as Rosinante and Law, only his trauma had manifested itself in a far more dangerous way. The way Doflamingo dealt with his issues made self-destruction look preferable. It was endlessly worrying to Rosi that these strays found care and support from an adult, he would argue; was the worst he knew. That Doffy would radicalise these kids like Trebol and the others had done to him all those years ago. He could see that cycle beginning to continue and it horrified him.

In trying to appear ruthless, to protect them, there hadn’t been any room for bonding. Even for their safety, he couldn’t allow himself to slip. But being so close to Doffy did allow him to learn the patterns.

He'd never anticipated this many when he’d agreed with Sengoku to ward off kids and stop the crew from growing. For all his brother did underground, he was far from subtle with his daily persona. Dressed loud, laughed loud, dreamed and dealt loud. Where he went, people took notice. People got ideas.

Kids whose parents had chosen the pull of the tide over them. Brave, stupid kids who egged each other on to test their mettle talking to a real captain. Desperate mouths who needed feeding, thinking they could learn his underhanded methods. Those were the ones who were easy to scare off, to knock sense into.

It was the ones with nothing to lose and everything to gain that were dangerous. Doffy was drawn to the ones with strong ambitions and no inhibition. He had been that child. He knew how to exploit brave souls who ignored all the red flags for personal gain. Letting Rosi scare off the ones with sense was an effective screening method, cutting out a lot of legwork for Doffy. Anyone who stuck around after being beaten by the ‘half-giant brute’ was the most vulnerable. The easiest to manipulate.

Easy to manipulate… Diamante's harsh criticisms of Rosi being 'damaged' and 'unintelligent' rang through his mind.

Mariejois was a strange place. Eerie, dreamlike. Nightmarish. It stood perpetually in the witching hour of the Gods, within the veil of unreality. A confusing place. The inhabitants were supposedly the freest, most powerful, most important people in the world. But still, they had to conform. Rosinante and Doflamingo had been expected to dress the same way as their parents and attend the same functions from birth. They were expected to live outlandishly, frivolously, in the same manner as everybody else. Their personalities and futures had been decided from the start.

Their father had been cast out for his sensitivity, for thinking differently. For wanting differently. Ultimately, he had died for it. Doflamingo didn’t think differently. At first, he had wanted back in, more than anything, to ascend both figuratively and literally. Even for a choice the child didn’t make, Doffy’s bubble of conformity burst. Forever outcasted and angry, he was going to destroy them.

Even if Rosinante had never left, he would’ve never truly fit in. No matter how many years passed, there would be no closure as to whether his emotional sensitivity was natural or an effect of his abuse. Attuned over the years to look for imminent threats, the slightest changes. If his difficulty speaking -the ease with which he slipped into his role- was a product of being unsocialised as a child or through trauma. Could even his clumsiness be a mask? A learned behaviour to appear less threatening, less deserving of abuse? He was frequently described as aloof. Off-putting. People thought of him as abnormal, unhinged, and incomplete. Lacking in personal style. That was before he put on his undercover persona. He was still adjusting. He’d never stop adjusting.

It was neither here nor there. Being autistic was not the prescribed way to be a Dragon. There would be no understanding or adjustment. Not if the material of his clothes made his skin crawl. Not if the frequent parties burnt him out or tripped him into social faux pas. He’d be laughed out without ceremony, and for all the power his father didn’t hold, Rosi may have found himself as a servant or even a slave.

For what it was worth, those loyal to Doffy were supported and accommodated. He’d never let anyone talk shit about Pica’s voice or show discomfort around Trebol’s mucus. He happily facilitated Diamante’s weird need for both approval and bloodlust. The kids he took in were provided for and protected by their elders. Despite popular belief and countless reports, he’d defended Law’s right to exist without hesitation. With his countless connections and eye for cutting through bullshit, he’d learnt the truth and dispelled fear from the family. Just once, he’d used his powers for good. But it was useless to imagine his ways ever changing as he welcomed Law’s nihilistic ideals with open arms.

For what it was worth, Doffy had always defended Rosi. From when they were small and Rosi could do nothing to defend himself. To now, riddled with afflictions, real and fake, even if Doffy saw through them- he still accommodated all of them. He never assumed Rosi could do or be less. Didn’t assume Rosi wasn’t listening just because he couldn’t speak. Always checked in after a briefing, explaining things slowly and giving Rosi time to write. He kept the other members off his back and ensured he was comfortable.

It was easy to see why troubled kids liked him, really. To come from nothing and find sanctuary, understanding- and power. To not be dissuaded but enabled. To be pushed to new heights was to serve his needs. Most troubled adults still couldn’t see past his platitudes. But that was how he got people. He lured children, Law, further and further into this underground world of terror, from which they would never be able to escape. Doffy’s latest scheme, to groom Law to die for him as another cog in the Donquixote machine, was perhaps his most heartless yet. How little another Human life meant to him.

Manipulation had always been one of Doffy’s strong suits; he knew what buttons to push. Try as he might to mask it, he had not returned unscathed from their ordeal. It was an open secret among the family that their head was legally blind. He saw in tunnel vision, the dark surround of which flashed with half-processed light. Though his fashion sense was widely regarded as worse than Rosi’s own, the bright colours were easier for his eyes to detect. For a time before his Haki was fully developed, he used the parasite puppet to see his new members. Not accommodating other’s needs would be hypocritical of him.

Physical health aside, that plague-drenched rat of a man had been more apparently damaged in his psyche. He could no longer truly care for anyone except himself and would never be able to put another before him. The last time he had done so, he had lost his entire family. Never again would he be controlled or outplayed. Understanding his people was only a means to an end; allowing them to work harder for him. Making them believe they couldn’t live without him. Trust Doffy to put sanctuary seekers under his thumb. Those with issues were just easier to manipulate. They both knew that from experience.

He knew from the first utterance of ‘family’ that there was more to the dynamic than met the eye. He and Doffy were thankfully dissimilar in all the ways that mattered, but in the end, they both still value family. Doffy had always yearned for what he had lost, forever unable to escape the past fully- and what that companionship and validation meant.

It was foolish to expect it to be innocent. True, you could take the reading that ‘family’ was perhaps more fitting for a crew who largely did not sail. And yet. Whitebeard rather famously referred to his men as sons. Germa was publicly a royal family but presented itself as an army and force first. What his brother had was not a family. It was a collection of people who ate his lies and believed the hype. It was a crime den more akin to a cult than a family. A ring of false promises and safety in numbers, impossible to leave once entered.

In becoming a family, he’d tapped into something more akin to the mindset of Big Mom. With family came loyalty and expectation. It was much harder to betray a family member than a disembodied leader. Not that he’d have any experience with that. He had no doubt he was doing the right thing by running off with Law but ‘family’ always left niggling doubt. No matter how far they ran, the Marines and Donquixotes would always be his family. It would always hurt more to think he was disappointing Sengoku by running. To disappoint mother by harming another. That was a sick power only madmen like Doflamingo would think to wield.

For all those doubts and feelings of self-hatred, Rosi was proud of how far they’d gotten. So far, Law was safe. In another life, he’d take Law further. Keep him safe forever. Truthfully, he knew there was no way they could both survive this. Not for any extended length of time. Even if he cured Law, there was no way Doffy would let Rosi live to see it. He wouldn’t take kindly to his scapegoat being influenced by outside forces or his plans being ruined. Doffy was the type to hold grudges, even if he had to hunt them down for years to come. If Doffy couldn’t live forever, he would at least take Rosi’s years down with him.

But seeing Law peacefully asleep, he allowed himself a small moment to imagine their future- how he’d establish them. A timeline in which this accursed boat wasn't taking them to some dark, Arctic recess of the North Blue.

Naturally, they’d hide in the East Blue. Skip seas to be far away from the family’s eyes. With any luck, the fabled ‘safest sea’ would have a lessened military presence. He’d pick some relatively safe, nowhere island where they wouldn’t be recognised. This meant nowhere too noteworthy or prosperous, lest it attract the attention of pirates and Marines. They’d be poor but happy; nothing wrong with that. He’d known rock bottom before and it wouldn’t be that way again. He wasn't a Dragon now. He was safe, could hold a job and had military training. He could protect them.

Somewhere completely average for a perfectly normal family.

Requirements aside, he wasn’t looking for much from the island itself. All he really wanted was other kids for Law to learn and play with. His mind’s eye chased the fantasy. A quaint schoolhouse of just two classes. Well-used blackboards and slightly rocky seats, old names and jokes scratched into the desks. A quiet, undemanding school where all the parents and kids knew each other. Surrounded by friends and well-meaning adults. Seas, he hoped Law would be able to make some nice friends. How lovely would it be for him to be influenced by normal kids? Kids who hadn’t grown up like Rosi and Law had? Kids who shared games, got messy outside and would copy Law’s homework…

A library or bookshop would be nice, if not a formally organised school. Law had already come so far with self-study; he’s sure they could make a form of homeschooling work. By the time Law was old enough for medical college, they should be safe enough to move island.

His boy graduating. All grown up and helping others. Successful in keeping a heart full of love and compassion. A prodigy who would continue to research new methods of recovery. This fruit could change everything. How nice it must be to be a parent with normal ambitions. He’d love to be there for as long as Law would have him.

As for himself? Well, he’d need a new identity to start. He’d seen enough witness protection procedures to know that much. Easy. Just become someone new. Someone far removed from the records, the bounty posters, the divine descension. Trafalgar Rosi had a cute ring to it. Rosey. Rosy. Rossi. Rosie? Rosie. Then it would look different on paper, enough to deter anyone who didn't already know the name Trafalgar Law.

Of course, it was only practical to change his name if he were to be inconspicuous as Law's father. Father... the thought made him giddy. Maybe he'd finally try growing that beard Sengoku had always warned him off.

As for his career… hm. He’d need something very ordinary for that, too. After burning down so many hospitals, he could definitely have a future in demolition. The medical circle probably wouldn’t want to see his face as a nurse. But then, what peaceful village would have steady work for him? Equally, they were unlikely to need his skills as a trained gunman except as a game hunter in Autumn. There was always childcare; after the kids of the Donquixote Pirates, nothing these ragamuffins had could phase him.

He could set up a Den Den switchboard and direct calls. Plenty of islanders didn’t keep them due to the care and set-up costs weighed against the usage. A small fee to use one when needed was preferable to most. Communication was at the crux of his role as a spy, so he may as well lean into his training. Plus, he’d get to take care of lots of cute Snails. He could see himself whiling away an afternoon painting one or making up the accessories.

Maybe there would be some kind of neighbourhood watch or council? Then he could do all these odd jobs. Get involved with all the news- a good source of information and an easy aid for his sense of security. Sounded peaceful enough.

A peaceful life was all he really wanted. Having tasted freedom from The Family and Marines put things into perspective. Travelling with his son and making his own choices, it becomes harder to want to return to work. Risking his life was a thankless task, one he likely wouldn’t see the benefit of whilst he still drew breath. He’d be excited to be a homemaker. Get to know some people his age and settle into a community. Share fruit and books and make-up tips whilst their kids hang out. Feel his presence in a space. To truly matter to people.

If only they lived in a world where all they had to worry about was where to settle down or which school to send Law to. The worries everybody else had-

Rosinante wiped the growing tear from his eye, holding Law ever so slightly tighter. Enough.

There is nothing material he can guarantee. As with his own parents, there is no home to return to. No money, no power, no community. For better or worse, there is no one to fall back on but themselves. Like Sengoku, he cannot magically fix what is broken. He succeeds or Law dies. Like Doffy, he cannot force Law’s hand. It must be guided.

But. Equally.

Like his own parents, he can hope for a better future for his child. Like Sengoku, he can offer all that he can within his power. Even, like Doffy, he can open Law’s heart to the concept of family once again.

There is no guarantee that he’ll be able to undo the damage done, but there’s hope. Maybe, like Rosi, Law will always be recovering. Maybe that constant growth isn’t a bad thing.

The only promise he can make is that his love will never waver, that he will always try his fucking hardest for his son. With an open mind and heart to go forward in their relationship, with whatever time he has left.

For that, he can't be as bad as he thinks. Surely.

Increasingly tonight, he was getting the impression no one knew what they were doing. That all anyone could do was try not to repeat the mistakes of those before them. To treat each other as equals. They were both different to the others around them. But in that way, they understood each other. And through each other, they found the other was every bit as deserving of love as they were. Rosi would be happy if Law came out the other side of this with even an ounce of love and humanity left in his heart. He would’ve succeeded.

Being around Law brought out the best in Rosinante. Law gave Rosi the courage to follow his idea of justice and choose a path for himself. For Law, he would betray everyone he’d ever known. Start a new family. Law gave his life meaning and purpose and made him smile again. Around Law, Rosi knew no bounds.

Rosinante brought out the best in Law. Rosi gave Law energy and brought out the kid in him again. For Rosi, Law would smile and talk about his fixations for hours. Would show compassion and trust. He would give people, and life, a second chance. He’d hope- and dream of a future. Around Rosi, Law was happy.

Together, they were free.

[finniestoncrane]

Just out of curiosity, does turning off anon mess with or delete the anon asks you already have? Or does it just prevent new ones? I haven't been on tumblr very long so i'm not sure how that works lol. Anyways, i'm so sorry you keep getting this horrible treatment from anons. It really sucks that people use anon as a shield to say whatever they want to whoever they want with no consequences. If it's any difference, i'm pretty confident most of them are trolls, especially the anon attacking you about autism and hating kids or whatever. Because there's no way someone could possibly be so dumb. Do whatever you have to do to eliminate that stress, and take care of yourself!!

i don't think it does at least!! i've still got all my messages and all my requests are fine too!! so it's just preventing new anonymous messages from being sent u-u i'll be turning anon back on at some point, but i just need time to recover. i need time to build up my supply of kindness and to get myself out of my little funk.

i don't care what kind of intrusive thoughts anyone has, they shouldn't be judged for them because they are unwanted compulsions and not a reflection of their character or morals. but to be very honest, the intrusive thoughts i was having the day i got a shit message about them were mostly around harming myself which i know would hurt my family, which is why i felt so shitty. and it's why i sort of spiralled a bit because i was already not in a good place. and then to get an ask the next day basically accusing me of gatekeeping autism and saying kids were terrible (i literally do not mind kids, i am ambivalent towards them at worst, at best i am excited to be an aunt) was just enough.

so sorry to hijack your ask but this is mostly to say: there are consequences, even if anonymous people think there are none!! you literally have no idea how the person behind the account is feeling. i consider myself particularly strong, i've been mentally ill for some 31 years and i'm so lucky to have a decent support system and to be able to get medication and therapy. someone else might not have fared as well as me with that kind of treatment. no one wants to be responsible for someone doing something terrible to themselves

but anyway!! i am feeling ok, i am feeling safe without the anon option for now, and i'm glad to be back to trying to post and write as normal u-u

[meimei-bunnie]

Was thinking about Jiang Cheng last night, and what I understood of his character– and especially of his relationship with Wei Wuxian, because obviously, every aspect of his character is shown through the lens of their relationship owing to the fact that Wei Wuxian is the main character.

I don't think it's a bad thing, but I do wish that we could have got some serious in-depth of a lot of characters from their own perspectives, but it works for me and my overactive brain to fill in the gaps.

I genuinely feel heartbroken over their relationship because I know that the love is there, and always will be. Even if it's now tainted with too many harsh words and spilt blood, the love is still there. The problem lies in how Jiang Cheng was raised.

At first, I used to think that Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan are not that bad of parents but after thinking over it, I have realised that they are not good either. In fact, when it comes to Jiang Cheng, they did a terrible job. JFM essentially neglected JC because of his similarity to his mother, leaving him craving for love. YZY on the other hand, constantly put him down by comparing him to WWX.

Both of these things became a core part of how JC thinks and feels. He never received unconditional love from his parents, and his relationship was strained with WWX, but he still loves them all. He is a classic Slytherin, in my opinion. He is definitely ambitious and loves his cultivation but another thing that I characterize Slytherins by is the difference in which they treat those inside their circle and outside their circle.

So, for JC, the people inside this circle are: JFM, YZY, WWX & JYL (and afterwards JL, but that's inconsequential to this post since I'm focusing more on the JC before WWX's resurrection). Even if they treat him badly, he loves them to death. He would go to the world's end for them, and all he wants in return is for them to be by his side.

Which is what WWX fails to do after the Wen situation. (I'm not blaming him, I totally support WWX's decision; I'm just painting it from JC's pov.) At a time when he had lost his parents and JYL was getting married and going away, the only tether for him was WWX– so when he chose the Wens (outsiders, for JC) and demonic cultivation over him, it was betrayal for him.

I believe there are 3 feelings that ruined their relationship, from JC's side: ① betrayal ② jealousy ③ loneliness.

The feeling of betrayal ties in to the loneliness heavily. At the root of everything is the fact that JC struggles with love; he loves deeply, but doesn't quite know how to express it at times because his own parents were lousy at doing that. (I wanna give him a tight hug so bad ugh.)

The jealousy... Well, that's the factor that ruined it the most. And I believe that if only JFM had looked past the fact that JC's mother is YZY, and had loved him as freely as he did WWX, and if YZY had not constantly compared them, then JC could have grown up without the compulsive need to constantly compare himself to WWX. It's not that he does it on purpose, but something that's wired in him because of the glaring difference in them that his parents keep pointing out, whether it's with his actions or her words.

The thing is... WWX was literally the worst person to compare himself to. He was literally a genius, a prodigy, a once-in-a-generation kind of cultivator. And also a classic Gryffindor example. Brave, reckless and strong sense of justice. That's what marks the main difference between them.

JC would choose his family/inner circle over justice. WWX would choose justice over his family/inner circle.

Those feelings of betrayal, jealousy and loneliness come out in the form of misplaced anger and hatred in the 13 years WWX is gone on every person who does demonic cultivation. I feel like JC was trying to find him too, but it was in equal parts love and equal parts hatred.

The point in the climax when he gets angry at WWX and mocks him about how good he is, and constantly better than JC that he even gives away his golden core– that scene hurt me so much. I was really upset with him, but well, his words struck me. Even now, he is still comparing himself to WWX. He has always tried to catch up to the image of WWX, in hopes of gaining his mother's pride and his father's love and even long after they are gone, he feels the need to prove himself to the rest of the world that he is Jiang Cheng. He is Jiang Wanyin, heir to the Yunmeng Jiang clan and worthy of leading them.

It's literally no secret how much he despises that everyone sees him as someone 'not Jiang like'. Their motto doesn't match him. But WWX does. WWX gets his father's love freely. WWX is the talented cultivator that everyone praises and sees, and it's never him. Never JC.

He spent his entire life trying to catch up to WWX, then chasing him in hatred, only to realise that he never could. No matter what he did, he would never measure up to WWX. And he is grateful, he is thankful for what WWX did, but it came out in the usual way all his feelings do: anger and derision. That scene hurts, but it made me finally understand JC.

Honestly, my biggest takeaway from all this was that JC deserved better parents. I love him and I love WWX and I want their relationship to be better desperately but knowing that with all that has happened, I also know it's going to be really really hard. I still want to believe in my own hc that post-canon, they sit down and talk like mature adults and get all this out of the way.

Be the brothers they always should have been, even if they can't be the Twin Heroes of Yunmeng anymore.

(Sorry this got a little long hahaha~)

Edit: And I just want to add that JC never needed to compare himself or 'catch up' to WWX. That's where his parents failed him. Nobody telling him that he is enough and wonderful and loved as he is. I would love to jump in and just, give him a tight hug and say all these things to the younger JC. That I'm proud of him. That's he's enough.

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog 6: analsysising harder

I am having a finals' nightmare week in university, but finally found the time to sit down and relax, so here's to episode 3.

He's so supportive. For all his faults as a father, (like the fact that Joris might not be able to read yet in here, despite seemingly being pretty ready to be taught how to, as was pointed out to me by @dullard during our separate rewatch from this rewatch) the fact that Joris can sell things at the market all by himself at 7yo and knows what a commission is, is actually really cool. Good job, Keke! This once, I will not kill you with hammers.

Do start teaching your son to read/write soon. Please. Please.

ANALYSIS EVENT LEVEL 10 ALARM WEE WOO WEE WOO. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS.

Joris is seven years old. Kerubim was, by his own words, "barely older than him," during his confirmation ceremony at the Orphan Temple. Can we actually ask what Kerubim Crepin was doing, at seven years old, in the orphan temple??

As we know from Dofus Heroes Kerubim comic, he was busy being an orphan, plotting to resurrect his parents, (either adoptive, or step-father and biological-mother. It doesn't really matter !) and being sad, to the point that, as an adult, even while amnesiac, he empathizes greatly with a stray kitten.

Having dreams of not wanting to be lonely, projecting his loneliness onto stray animals... It's the reason why he's afraid of showing people that he's weak and driving them away, and what makes him a compulsive liar, as I've pointed out in the last post. He can't bear being alone.

No wonder, then, that despite being old, and having a decrepit house, he didn't try to find Joris a better home. It would be a betrayal of his own ideals of protecting children from what he went through. It would mean that someone so similar to him would, too, be all alone. And, a bit more selfishly, he does need someone by his side.

I would point out, that Atcham was in the temple, implied to be mistreated, that they are both full brothers who grew up in the same family, and that him and Kerubim didn't have the best relationship even as kids, — with Bashi also disliking Atcham heavily, for unstated reasons, — and how it all might tie into Kerubim also adoptng Joris out of guilt, because he feels like he might end up like Atcham, but I don't have ten hours.

And also bc Atcham doesn't appear often, and I am mostly delusional about this.

Kerubim avoids mentioning Atcham or any of his adventures in Brakmar, so... man just give us anything to work with.

Despite Keke playing it off now, he really didn't have an easy childhood.

For all the times I say he's a bad dad, or that I want to beat him up, it is all in jest. I think he's a very tragic character who was just... never really given a chance to develop a healthy way of interacting with the world.

And for what it's worth, he grew up to be as decent of a person he could have, and did the best he could, at becoming a family with Joris and raising him, as flawed and uneven as it is.

He really just wants this kid to have a good childhood, or an approximation of one, with no violence, loneliness, or fear he went through — and it's all going to be ruined in the movie, isn't it?

It won't stop me from joking about beating him up in the future of this blog, but I wanted to make my stance clear. No non-joking slander of Kerubim in this household. Ever.

I think he was scared shitless of having a deadly quest here, but HAD to pretend he wasn't, for the public. He looks happier now than seconds ago in the queue line, lol.

Low self-esteem can result in seeking attention through being loud and obnoxious, as well as a fear of embarrassment, so, it checks out. Lying is a likely thing for Kerubim to do, and I love and respect him for it.

His immediate reaction to being embarrassed by getting a clothespin, and made fun of, as audience laughs? Double down, baby! Though, his angry facade doesn't last until the end of the line. He's just... looking sadly to the side.

By the way, considering he's only a bit older than seven, the "I've been training for years" is a bit haunting.

Do you know who DOES deserve to get beaten with hammers for real, non-ironically? The god Ecaflip. Can I get an amen?

No wonder, Kerubim coddled Joris and wanted his life to be better! His life sucked!

Of all the things not to lie about, he seemed not to lie about being trained. Doesn't stop him from being beaten up, though...

We have to beat God Ecaflip with hammers. There is no other way.

For all his cockiness, he's so stressed out. His facade is so, so ruined, the second he realizes his plan is not working.

Really, this whole scene puts their relationship together the best. He's a God, holding Kerubim, a 7-9yo orphan, on a tiny string.

His whole life, Ecaflip just belittles him over some random bullshit, makes him hate his brother for being bald, and then gives him a gambling addiction before putting him into a mental asylum to treat it. All of that because he loves him that much.

We have to kill him. There is no other way. I may be a wakfu season 3 hater, but Oropo was right.

Yay, trauma bonding, in its correct definition!

If my whole family died, and a god cared so much about me, he made me the protagonist of various sad cringe stories of overcoming personal adversities mostly caused BY him, I too, would develop some sort of complex to cope. So I get it.

But I feel like, even if Kerubim will never voice it out loud, considering what repercussions may follow, deep down he knows that Ecaflip himself is one of the reasons for his loneliness, and that most of all, he's scared of him.

[imagionationstation]

Your posts of Donnie12 are my LIFE SAVOR!

Donnie is probs the hardest brother out of the bunch I can get a character grasp outside of smart, sarcastic brother that’s a bit of a simp. I didn’t wanna do him injustice in the fic I’m writing so if it’s no trouble, can you make a list of your head cannons of him pls?

No trouble?! No trouble?!

Excuse you! I love any excuse to spread my love of the purple genius and educate people on why he is a lovable green bean! In reality, I should be thank you for this ask! Thank you!!!

*ahem* *looks through millions of notes*

Hmmm… This sounds like a character development type question? Let’s check out my headcanons for those…

Mhmm, mhmm, mmmmm, ah!

HERE WE GO

DONNIE AND HIS BROS: 

Mikey and Donnie have bonded over being the youngest brothers the same way that Leo and Raph bonded over being the eldest. Donnie appreciates Mikey because he’s the one person that he doesn’t feel like he has to prove himself too. Mikey treats him as an equal and he’s the only brother who (somewhat) supports his hopes of winning over April. He gets annoyed with his little brother’s antics like all older siblings do, but that stems from the fact Mikey does many things that trigger his OCD. He forgives him easily. Just like Donnie understands Mikey’s hyperactivity; Mikey understands his brother’s compulsive nature. 

Donnie and Raph are brain and brawn, and when they compare one another in that way, they always hit walls in terms of their relationship. Raph will always have a strength that that Donnie can’t tap, which will make him insecure. Donnie has brains that Raph can’t tap, so that makes him insecure. When they can look past this, there’s a lot they have in common. Passionate, strong-willed, and determined to protect their family no matter how it effects their well-being. They’re the middle children, so they know how it feels to have less attention then the heir and baby brother, and when to be there for each other when it counts. 

Donnie and Leo are the most mature of the group. While Raph only jokes about it, Donnie truly sees Leo as- in a sense- perfect. He’s a confident older brother who lives up to expectations, never fails when they need him most and never stops trying no matter how difficult things get, carries his families burdens without faltering, acts only in their best interests, can face death without blinking, and can even flirt with the girl that he likes and get a positive reaction in return. 

Leo is everything that Donnie aspires to be, but fears that he never can. He’ll do just about anything to earn his approval, and feels like a failure when his inventions or experiments can’t reach his expectations. Donnie’s willingness to complete tasks does lead Leo to push to hard. The team genius does have his limits, and will snap when the pressure gets to much. That’s usually where their arguments stem from. He desires to prove himself, and gets frustrated when anything gets in the way of that. 

FLASHBACK TO MIKEY EXPLANATION: 

I mentioned that Donnie has OCD. THIS IS CANON. And lemme tell you it explains SO MUCH. What IS headcanon is my theories about what OCD does. So here we go: 

-Donnie can’t tolerate people messing with his stuff. Everything has a place and they are set there for good reason. When his brothers come in and touch his things, it risks ruining the order he has for his lab. (It may look messy at times, but he put those things there, so that’s deemed their place, at least for the moment). 

-OCD comes with emotional irregulation, which is why Donnie tends to go from calm to high-strung at a moment’s notice. Even though it drives them nuts at times, his brothers understand that him letting it out as an unnecessary shrill rant is healthier than him locking up the stress and fear that could be dangerous to his mental health. They’ll tease him for it, but have never actually pushed him to stop. 

-His OCD also gives him a constant anxiety, which he usually chooses to handle by working or studying in order to make the nerves go away. He does his best to keep it under control in battle by focusing on the mission, even if his brother’s constant pushing to “go faster” makes it all the more difficult. 

-Because of the intrusive thoughts that come with OCD, Donnie sometimes sees himself the way that humans do; as a monster and a freak. One of the reasons that he got so obsessed with April (after the original crush wears off) was because she was a human who accepted him as he was, and he wanted to prove his fears wrong by winning her over. His compulsive tendencies lead him to do things like stalk her and build questionable gifts. His brothers understand this, even if they don’t approve. 

THERE ARE OTHERS BUT I’M MOVING ON NOW-

Donnie can’t handle being sick. He’s no germaphobe and he won’t hesitate to care for an ill family member (if they’ll let him. Raph can be stubborn). It’s being sick itself that he can’t handle. He’s investigated every sickness known to man, and it always ends up being his undoing. He’s terrified that whatever he has is so much worse than the simple fever that his brothers keep telling him it is, and is convinced he’s on his death bed. The only way to keep him calm is company and contact. He’ll continue to irrationally fear for his life, but he takes comfort in knowing that he’ll die surrounded by those he loves. 

Donnie has been shocked and electrocuted so many times that his body has actually developed a tolerance to it. He theorizes it has to do with the mutant cells adapting to the abuse. It comes in handy when he’s strapped down during Fourfold Trap.

Donnie would do a lot for Leo. Space Heroes is where he draws the line. He doesn’t understand his fascination with it and can’t go a minute without pointing out an inconsistency in the plot or questioning Captain Ryan’s morals. After a few months, Leo had to start waiting until he knew Donnie wasn’t around to turn it on. 

Better safe than sorry. 

Out of all his brothers, Donnie is the last one to learn how to talk. Not because he couldn’t or struggled, simply because he chose not to. He read and he could interact with his brothers and father with chirps and churrs. The day that he did choose to talk, he shocked Splinter out of his fur when he calmly used full sentences. 

Donnie built Metalhead to assist the team and never stopped trying to make him worthy of Leo’s approval. At some point along the way, he subconsciously started looking at Metalhead like his own kid: Someone to be taught and taken care of. After losing him, Donnie just couldn’t bring himself to make another, because he knew his lil’ buddy was one of a kind. 

Everyone thinks that Donnie hates Leo’s wars with the toaster, but in reality, he doesn’t mind. The repairs are never difficult and his older brother always feels guilty for putting something else on his list, so he hangs out with Donnie as he fixes it. Donnie enjoys the excuse for bonding outside of training or missions. Leo even helps Donnie around the lab sometimes, as it’s mention in an episode when someone knocks against the ShellRaiser that Leo “just waxed her!” 

Leo’s the only one who knows about Donnie’s nightmares about Slash. Not only is the memory of being sought out and forcefully separated terrifying, but Donnie knows Raph still cares about ‘Spike’ and doesn’t want to hurt him by reminding him of what Slash did. He’s relieved when Slash goes to the good side, but being around the large snapping turtle still makes him nervous.

If I keep going, I will headcanon myself into oblivion- THAT’S ALL, FOLKS

Maybe. Possibly. For now :)

Thanks again for the ask!!

[beethebisblog]

I had to watch the episode in short bursts, because people kept needing me for things.

I’m gonna ramble about everything that happened for each character but first I just want to say that I loved hearing more of Tricia’s singing voice this episode, she has been underutilized so far.

-Susan

At the beginning of the show, Susan was very quickly cast as the pretty but mean popular girl jealous that her ex-boyfriend moved on. Then slowly, they did this thing that I REALLY love, where they gave her more depth, more complexity, and more dimension. They have shown us perfect Susan who works hard to maintain the status quo and please her mother (who is encouraging unhealthy relationships with food and slutshaming her daughter, seriously Mrs. St Clair can suck a rock). And now they’ve shown us another level to Susan, acknowledging that rich white families will ALWAYS do whatever it takes to protect their reputations. Her mother holds this over her head, but it was clearly a very traumatic, very difficult thing for her to do in secret without the support of anyone. Sure her parents made it so that she could get the abortion, but based on how we’ve seen her mother treat her, we know Susan doesn’t get any real support and it makes her actions that much more heartbreaking. When she tries to stand up to her mother, and Olivia (who is neither right nor wrong in her reactions) doesn’t want to believe she’s changed, you can see that she accepts that. It isn’t until Olivia is a steps a little too over the line that she reveals the truth about what she witnessed. Susan is 16-17 and she’s hurt and she’s scared and she’s sad and I love her.

-Dot

I don’t have much to say on her, except that she really is a sweetheart who deserves better friends. Honestly, sometimes a pity date with the bad boy of the school is way better than sitting there alone while your friends all have dates. She’s so cute. Her poor nose and eye :(

-Hazel & Wally

Doing them together because they were together in all of their scenes. Hazel was giving Cinderella vibes. I appreciate the fact that while Wally doesn’t understand some of her Hazel-ness, he really seems genuinely interested in learning about her interests and getting her to at least attempt to enjoy his too. I loved their duet. I love that during the utter chaos that was the rest of the episode, they got to be in their little bubble where everyone pointed out that they are seemingly perfect for one another. I don’t normally trust media when it says stuff like that, but I actually really like them together.

-Nancy

I love her so so so much. It’s entirely relatable the way a crush can feel all consuming and irritating all at once. Her (and Cynthia’s) song was very much a highlight of the episode. I love that Nancy is just an all in type of person and she doesn’t really stop to hear a no for the answer. I do wish they would give her a little more depth. They’ve done a good job with Susan and Jane and Olivia and Richie and Buddy. All we really know about Nancy is that she is incredibly headstrong, a very talented seamstress/ designer, the daughter of the owners of the frosty palace who may or may not be an only child, a Buddhist who’s not a fan of reading, “scary” and although she hasn’t had much of a romantic life in the past, she has a big crush on Potato. Which is valid, because he‘s great. But still, I want to see a new dimension of Nancy with this new conflict within the Pink Ladies.

-Cynthia

She is in the “shit I am gay but no one can know, especially not the person who made me realize it’s true” phase where she fights it HARD. Compulsive heterosexuality hurts. She needs someone to talk to, before she implodes further. That moment with Lydia made me so so sad, but that’s just a real part of quiet culture for someone. Cynthia is hurting, and that doesn’t give her a free pass to hurt Shy Guy like she did, but I understand it. She’s gonna have to apologize bug time, when she comes around. Also, as always, I loved Ari’s part in the duet.

-Olivia

I’ve decided that if her and Richie are twins, she’s the older one for sure. The ages are so hazy, or at least their grade levels, and I’m kinda confused. So my head cannon is that she’s the older twin. Which would explain her protectiveness over the Pink Ladies, without factoring in the slightly homosexual overtures to hers and Jane’s friendship that is not present with the other PLs. Olivia hates Susan, and she does have reason for it. But that really doesn’t explain why she wouldn’t let Jane explain. Because people can change, and they can learn. But Olivia does NOT have forgive Susan, but she should’ve given her so-called best friend a chance to explain. No matter what Susan said, Olivia had NO right to do what she did. She knows what the school is like once they realize you are a “slut” and she knew that the consequences always land on the girl (does she not remember the extent of the conversation at Dot’s party??). Sorry that just made me so mad. And then to tell Richie what happened between Buddy and Jane :/Her moments with Gil were really sweet. But her going back to her abuser does not send a good message at all and I hope this is addressed before the season is over.

-Jane

She did the right thing not going with either guy to the dance. She was unsure of her feelings for either and did not want to lead them on or hurt them by choosing too soon, and that was a mature decision. Her budding friendship with Susan is interesting and kind of ironic. Her accidentally confirming Olivia and Mr. Daniels is unfortunate, but also something that would reasonably happen to me because I am bad at de-escalation techniques. Jane is very much people pleaser, even after everything, so it makes sense that she would sort of defend Susan. Her coming home to Olivia’s jacket already on her porch (which like, hello Flash because how did she get there before Jane) was almost the opposite of the scene where Olivia brings Jane’s jacket to her house. She did not even really register what Richie told her about Buddy and the election results (which like, how did he find out?)

-Richie

He is a good guy. He respects Jane’s space; he saw that Dot was devastated about her going dateless to the dance (which also sorta implies she’s never been if they previously had to have a date to register a ticket and she said her friends always had dates but not her). He was very kind to go with her, and go along with her quirks. Teenage jealously makes a person unsteady, and I am just glad someone told Jane the truth about Dick Aldridge.

-Buddy

I am still not his biggest fan, but man was he sad this episode. It seems like everyone is moving forward except him, which is expected when you realize most of your life is a lie. He needs a slap in the face and a hug.

-The others (Shy Guy, Potato, Mr. Daniels)

As for the rest: Potato remains one of my top guys; Shy Guy and Cynthia in the kitchen actually made me cringe because I know she feels nothing what he feels for her; and the predator needs to be imprisoned. I can’t believe he is trying to suck her back in :(

I need my girls back together. I need some proper communication to happen between Lydia and Cynthia.

Also episode 8 comes out the day before my birthday so I hope it’s a good one (they have not let me down so far).

[atdawnweryd]

Yet another appreciation post for YR anxiety depiction and general excellent storytelling

This fandom has talked a lot about Edvin’s amazing portrayal of anxiety throughout the series, and for good reason! It’s simply *chef’s kiss*. 

In a recent interview (I think it was the Reign podcast) Edvin discusses how that portrayal has evolved intentionally along with the changing circumstances in Wilhelm’s life -  in the beginning it was very outwardly manifested, with compulsive nail biting, fidgeting hands, chest pains and shortness of breath. 

In season two, however, Wilhelm has - at least outwardly - transformed himself into a more princely image with his shorter hair. This is presumably to appease his family and the royal court as he is expected to take on the mantle of crown prince. Accordingly, he stops biting his nails/picking at his thumbs, and has gotten slightly better at controlling his emotions in public (privately we all know it’s a different story lol). Now he has the more subtle habit of picking his inner lip with his teeth (again, shoutout to Edvin/YR team for the great acting and character building, I do all of these things too yay anxiety!). I just love the thought that went into every detail of this show. 

Now! Edvin mentioned something else interesting in that interview. Wilhelm’s anxiety issues are a long-term problem that he has had to deal with since long before the show picks up, related to the pressures that come with being royalty. Maybe for his whole life, but at least since he was confirmed as prince at age 15. What I love about this, is that there is never anything explicitly mentioned about this in the show, and yet it’s shown in the story so well. 

Right from the first episode of season 1, we see Wilhelm dealing with the aftermath/fallout of this drunken club confrontation. He is biting his thumb in the car as he’s being driven away, and we can see immediately that he is overwhelmed and anxious about the situation. In the following scene where he is arguing with his mother about getting sent to boarding school, he does it again - again, upset and angry about having no choice due to his status as a prince. 

Immediately Kristina notices and smacks his hand away. The way she does it without hesitating, and the completely perfect, mutinous expression on Wilhelm's face afterwards so clearly communicates to the audience that this is a frequent battle between the two of them.

And just with that 5 second moment, we the audience suddenly knows quite a bit not only about Wilhelm (that he suffers from long-term anxiety, feels stifled and controlled by the crow), but about his relationship with his mother (she loves him but puts the monarchy first above all else. She seems to have interpreted this habit of his as a just that - a bad habit, instead of recognizing it as a symptom of anxiety and getting him the help/support he needed to deal with it earlier. He loves her but it's complicated).

I really love the relationship between Wille and his mother and how in unfolds in the show. I know many aren't Kristina's biggest fans for good reason, but I think that she is a more nuanced character than people give her credit for, and Wille actually has a pretty sweet relationship with her when you boil it down. Anyways that's a post for a different time!

[moss-abyss]

♣️🗣️

🗣 what's a thing you can talk for hours about without interruption?

♣️ angst headcanons? (can add a specific character in ask)

answers below the cut!

🗣: i love the stick crew, including tsc of course!!

it's clear to me that they're on the younger side, and their curiosity shines through their adventures and with one another. if i really had to, i'd say they're at least teenagers, which would explain. so many of their shenanigans

i love their casual and comfortable skinship (not to be weird, it's just smth that i think goes unappreciated or ignored, and it's done really well in this series); how close they are with one another, formed/found family my beloved; and how all of it is expressed in their actions, especially in thid no-dialogue setting [:

i can go on and on about their own unique personalities and how it affects their fighting, caring, building, etc style i have so many feelings about ✨ them ✨

♣️: this'll be broken up into sections because oh boy i have quite a few of these

injuries and scars --

* natural (if a bit expedited) healing process applies to sticks, and although most stick injuries aren't visible, they do still get them like people

* while they're running minecraft, they can respawn which will reset to their original bodies (ignoring the task manager "deletion" because they're probably traumitised by that)

* though, some scars remain

character-specific --

* tdl has a compulsion to harm tco (programmed mission), and some days he leans into too much, whether it's bc of minor grievances or smth else, who knows

* victim has memory issues and dissociates. badly. also clips through his surroundings sometimes whoops [with my interpretation (au?) these are exacerbated by the fact that he's technically a two-for-one deal lmao]

* it takes a while for purple and king orange to really connect and communicate properly because god damn it you cannot just ignore everything that happened before the finale

* stick crew rapid-fire:

+ red develops a sleepwalking habit from getting possessed not once but three times

+ tsc and yellow have insomnia: tsc because his friends keep him up and now his schedule's screwed & yellow because he seems like the type to work until he drops

+ there's nothing to support this other than the fact that i believe green's the oldest out of the four/was the de facto leader before tsc came and probably has, while not obvious, anxiety about keeping everyone safe and alive

+ blue struggles with addiction this literally isn't a headcanon this is straight-up official becker fucking address this please-

[phlve]

EN(F) — Extraverted Intution supported by Feeling

Alert to all the possibilities, operates by creative impulse and chaotic energy. Hates routine and develops insights amounting to wisdom and the power to inspire others. Worry and happiness, sharp swings of mood, reacts to life more boisterously than others. Delight from joy, despair from sorrow, "from passionate cries of joy - to extreme anguish". Subtle altruistic motivations. Attachment to family, friends, joy for them. Sudden enthusiastic urges. Love of nature, art, music, interest in sports. Spiritual experiences, the search for a worldview, extreme impressionability and suggestibility. Pity, compassion for unfortunate people and for sick animals. Artistic nature: artists. poets. pride and courage not without exaggeration. Representatives of this type are usually the most lively and individualistic people of all. Their way of thinking is non-trivial and unusual, "alien". Representatives of this type typically seem charming, warm, and considerate. They are friends with different kinds of people, and their friends like them for their insightful understanding of people's problems and peculiarities. If you have come across a person capable of keeping in good relations with their former wives. husbands, and colleagues, it is mostly likely to be this type. The drawback is their inability to do any tasks or work that requires attention to detail, meticulousness, accurate planning and scheduling, and any type of "sedentary" work. Representatives of this type may not turn in their graduation papers, quarterly accounting reports, and other important documentation for a long time. This is the type of person most prone to accept multiple projects and new initiatives, accepting so much tasks that they end up having too many things to do - and then they can't do a single project they envisioned. His openness and friendliness can sometimes play bad tricks on them. Though, sometimes he can show indomitable will and determination to reach goals, later he may regret the harsh words he has said and the actions he committed and seek reconciliation. Polite, cheery, sensible, emotive, friendly, innocent, "childlike". Feeling of harmony and integrity of the world prevails here. A wide variety of events may be perceived as normal: even very tough life's circumstances could be perceived as some kind of working environment, he takes it easy, does not panic. The principle of existence: "The world around me is in harmony. therefore I exist.". Might get compulsively intrigued and interested, "lovesick", towards things that attracted his imagination; hyperactive, ignores space and falls in love with an idea, he seeks to idealize and perceive the external reality with rose-colored glasses. Harmony and peace of mind, meaningful existence. Easily distracted by alternatives.

The integrity of the internal situation is the most rigidly ignored value. This means that this type has no such thing as an "inner core", ideology, character. He does not know how to dive into himself. meditate. find inner peace on their own. He will often idealize the existing world all the people in it - always "good". This is what it replaces finding inner harmony. He ignores his inner world, it is an unknown territory for him. This type is likely to imitate states and feelings that should be there as far as he knows; he will make attempts to analyze his state and mood. If he cannot manage his mood, he puts up with it as with an inevitable evil which cannot be fought. "I hate the negative feelings and I want to escape any sadness", "I will make the whole world happy and I will invade everyone with positive emotions, I just want to inspire!". Defensively take refuge in na excessively upbeat belief of optimism, an expansive happy mood that hides uncomfortable sentiments. When they feel pain, and deeply, when they can't avoid the negative, some manifestations may have a masochistic urge to indulge into the sentimentality When unhappy, he can be childish and not let others be happy. Passive-aggressive. Tsunderes; they won't talk about their issues, in order to keep the harmony, but they won't be anymore fun. Quickly gets up in spirits, even if it may not be genuine. Selfish. Bright and talkative. Always relying upon his talent for immediate improvisation instead of preparing the work in advance. He loves situations when new and exciting undertakings come u. when it is bossible to demonstrate his own and others' talents: when one can still expect the most unusual development of events. His speech is often romantic, his smiles are enticing, but very often that's as far as it goes. His motto is 'emotional power over all and sexual freedom from all'. "Modest". As a rule, he is not ambitious, because he can enjoy the circle of his friends and the anticipation of something interesting. His mood determines everything: plans for the future, self-estimation, and ideas about the world. Ambitious plans can change to disappointment and sadness: but interesting news, praise, or an unexpected interesting opportunity immediately lifts his spirits. Boredom can even make him ill. The greatest pleasure for him is to find a way out from the situation that others consider hopeless. He is capable of demonstrating friendliness and benevolence to all.

"If I feel like it - then I will fall in love. if I don't feel like it - then I will fall out of love. and later I will love some more." His feelings of love are never sure and stable. Today he loves you; tomorrow will speak for itself. People of this type have no idea about commitment as far as their feelings and emotions are concerned, they sway in their emotions between love and hate, they see a wide spectrum of shades in-between. At the same time if they hate you it is not final, as it is with some other types who make up their mind once and for good. "Nothing is eternal under the moon: today I love, leave tomorrow for tomorrow". "Hey, man, are you stupid or what!" he says by the way. He is joking, teasing. External relations for them - something not very much and not always associated with internal. For example, being married, often can easily meet someone else, not seeing it as something bad. barely appearing in some companies may begin to pretend to be treated the same as all the rest of its members. Often this behavior may irritate people. In certain situations, it is still in compliance with any rules of external relations, but all of these cases - rare and strictly prescribed. For example - a funeral is not fun, it may be in relation to the employer must be some scope permitted behavior, or it may even be similar cases it was his understanding of these standards. In all other cases it is simply grossly ignored. If all go on holiday to have fun - you can create a scandal, and when all upset - you can start to behave provocatively. These people look good on a stage playing a guitar or something like that. As a rule, they live to become their ideal. They simplify the logic of the real world and idealize it. Quite often they expect their partners to comply with their abstract ideal. Has a hard time finding a partner because real partners do not meet their ideal standards. The person close by cannot be ideal by definition. He is always on the quest for his ideal object of love, unless he chooses to idealize an existing person. Always ready to argue, asserting his ideals, his worldview until they prove to everyone that they are right. These people often adhere to a school or a doctrine. Having accepted a picture of the world, they advocate and actively popularize the adopted doctrine. People of this type try to structure and line up the information of the objective world as much as possible. That is an attempt to build an ideal description of the world, which does not leave any place for transcendental notions, i.e. something inexpressible in terms of their worldview. They allow for the unknown, but the unsearchable has no right to exist. Struggles with figuring out who they really are. Reactive, most decisions are based on other people. Prone to mysticism, false memories and fantastic, "religious" voices.

This type usually has the fear of a complete form, fear of an action. A fence he is building has been under construction for ten years, but the last nail may never be hammered in; he has been writing his thesis for fifteen years, but it is still unfinished because it is 'imperfect' - still more studying needs to be done, some cross-checking is needed... etc. He frequently lives in the world of the unfinished forms, imperfect objects; and he is constantly struggling with this imperfection. To get a result from him it is necessary to put strict deadline. Otherwise the work will be procrastinated indefinitely, he will continue to alter, add, and improve things... But there is no limit to perfection! This trait should be taken into account in a working environment. Knowing this trait, he often seeks a job where work deadlines are stipulated 'by default'. This could be, for example, teaching. "A good place is the place where I have good sensations, where I feel good.". A pat on the shoulder, a good meal - and he is all yours, this is his idea of a perfect world, he feels great where these conditions are met, he is in trance. Give him some more of the same treatment - and he falls asleep, goes into a deeper trance. People of this type are especially suggestible through sensations. It is enough to say a word about somebody's health, and he gets self-conscious, thinking about his health he may get carried away. They tend to apply everything they hear to themselves, information may not even be related to them but they immediately think about their own center of the universe. People of this type are rather hypochondriac. He wishes to adjust the environment to make himself as comfortable as he can, squeezing all the available comfort out of a space. Expects someone to maximize comfort and health. Always moving in the direction of places where there is physical comfort, exquisite sensory pleasure and are not able to deny yourself this. Where it is physically comfortable there and well, even if it is very expensive. Love gourmet food, massage, stroking. Finding one place where they feel comfortable, for example, restaurant some - can go there for dinner across town. Avoid places where there is all of necessary physical facilities. Gourmets around, slaves to their preferences and habits. If you like sweet, then will eat it pounds. Often determine the state of health from the words of others, because it is very suggestible on it. Sometimes it may be trying to recreate elements of the home where they feel as comfortable as physically. Quickly get used "to the good" and this becomes their weakness in the future, without it they can not. Suggestibility authorities with respect to health issues, if to tell him that he has something to be treated, it is easy to believe it can. In this context, it can become easy prey for "paid doctors." They may forget to eat on time, take medications to sleep, so it is in need of a caring parent, friend or special one.

[azranadir]

. . . dependent original character for nightrestrp : AZRA NADIR \

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[ cemre baysel, cis woman, she/her ] - was that AZRA NADIR i saw by the lighthouse today? i heard that the TWENTY-SIX year old who has been in nightrest for HER ENTIRE LIFE and works as UNEMPLOYED has a reputation of being OUTGOING, but also SELF-INDULGENT. they reside in LOW POINT & people in town usually associate them with EMPTY CHAMPAGNE BOTTLES, LATE NIGHTS SPENT OUT PARTYING, AN INABILITY TO TAKE ANYTHING SERIOUSLY, & OVERBEARING FEMININE PERFUME. let’s hope the killer doesn’t go after them next.

BASIC INFORMATION:

FULL NAME: Azra Nadir

NICKNAMES: none bitch

DATE OF BIRTH: February 13th, 1997 (26)

ETHNICITY: Turkish

FACE CLAIM: Cemre Baysel

HAIR & EYE COLOR: Brown & Green

HEIGHT: 5’6”

TATTOOS & PIERCINGS: Multiple tattoos

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual 

OCCUPATION: N/A

LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English, Turkish

BACKGROUND: 

Born into a rich family, Azra was the youngest between her and her only brother, growing up in Stoughton estates and attending Wardwell academy as a child. From a young age, it was obvious that Azra loved the attention, whether it be from her parents or peers, she loved being at the center, and would always do whatever it took to be seen as that. She’s always been a selfish person at heart, caring for a few people but mainly basing everything she did off of how it would help her social status

Though she excelled easily in school, she didn’t really like it, no intention of furthering her education. Really, she didn’t have many ambitions in life, no clue as to what she’d want as a career. In her mind, it wasn’t as if she really needed one, bank account always taken care of by her parents. Azra lacked any kind of drive, thinking that working and making an income seemed like a boring way to live, when she could instead be relaxing and enjoying her life.

Her perspective was made clear by flunking out her junior year of high school, a boyfriend at the time occupying her mind and time. She’d ditched all of her classes to be with him, resulting in her having to stay back a year in school. Azra eventually broke up with him after she’d caught him cheating on her, and blamed him for ruining her life. She repeated the year, and passed with average grades, her parents accepting the bare minimum even if everyone knew she could do better. 

In her early years, she’d also find herself going out quite often. Sneaking out into Salem with a couple friends and using a fake ID to get into clubs. Azra liked partying, liked that it was all meaningless white noise where she could do whatever she wanted. She knew it was dangerous at the time, but maybe it was part of the fun. Being young and pretty, Azra knew that older guys would always pay her attention, giving her exactly what she wanted. After the years of being nothing more than average to her parents, they didn’t care what she did, deciding their youngest and only daughter would forever be a vain party girl. 

For a while, Azra thought her parents would always be supportive of her, even if she didn’t do anything with her life. But six months ago, her credit line was gone, and the monthly check her parents would send her was never received. Her parents had grown tired of their money going towards alcohol and meaningless fun, so she’d been cut off. Thankfully, as much as Azra loved to spend, she did save some of her money, just in case. But these days, it’s looking smaller and smaller, and she’s too proud to fold to her parent's wishes of getting a job. 

HEADCANONS

A compulsive liar at heart. When Azra meets someone she never sees before, she tries to read who they are and come up with a version of herself that the other person would really like. Maybe it’s wrong, but in her mind, it’s nothing but a white lie to come up with a fun career for herself.

In more serious instances, she tells people she runs a lifestyle blog, and even offers advice to people on how to better their lives. The blog in question does not exist.

Has a thing for guys and girls that are sweet. She likes the idea of being able to corrupt someone.

Loves flowers and butterflies and everything associated with nature, and has a bunch of tattoos (small and big) of both

Doesn't believe in wearing pants, you will never catch her in anything but a skirt/shorts/dresses.

Despite not caring about literally anything, Azra is a very intelligent person, but she only really uses it when it fits her goals. She doesn’t really bother with learning or reading, and struggles to hold conversations that aren’t about herself. Under her vain personality however, she is especially emotionally intelligent, and good at reading people.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

high school ex-boyfriend that cheated

a sugar daddy bc she's about to be actually poor :/

exes 

close friends

party friends

hookups/flings/fwb