#i have the groceries i need finally after months of being too stressed out by the local market basket

[shuckstruck]

i’m going to have such a nice day tomorrow. i’m pretty sure i’m just doing trainings all day, so i’m going to

try and rub to the whole foods for bread before 9- i’m going to get a chai latte from starbucks while i’m there :)

come back and make avocado toast with an egg on it for breakfast

WORK VERY HARD FOR REAL I HAVE TO STOP FUCKING AROUND WHEN WORKING FROM HOME

lunch :) i’ve been making turkey sandwiches for lunch this week and they’ve been So good

dinner (fettuccine alfredo and broccoli)

go out and see Halloween Ends with my roommate

come back, get high, and watch what will Certainly be an exciting episode of Critical Role

and i’m genuinely so excited about how that sounds like such a nice day for me. there’s nothing remarkable about it but i’m working from home And this is a super easy week at work for me so i’m just savoring that while it lasts :)

[sonarspace]

safeguard, kento nanami

synopsis: bf!nanami comforting you after an incident with a stalker. content: (dealing with a stalker). comfort. fluff. wc: 1.1k a/n: based on an ask. ee being stalked is so scary. need all stalkers to d!3 immediately 😒!

𓇼 ⋆. 𓆝⋆. 𓇼 ˚｡𓆉 ⋆𓇼 ⋆. 𓆝⋆. 𓇼 ˚｡𓆉 ⋆𓇼 ⋆. 𓆝⋆. 𓇼 ˚｡𓆉 ⋆𓇼 ⋆. 𓆝⋆. 𓇼 ˚｡𓆉 ⋆𓇼 ⋆. on your way to your boyfriend's apartment for a movie night you stop at a grocery store to grab some snacks. you get back in your car and start driving to his place. 15 minutes.

you're on a red light when you notice the van behind you has their headlights off and a dark tint. it's nightime so and the street lights are dim so you couldn't really see their face.

you start getting anxious, trying to think if you've seen this van before. and you immediately recall that it's the same van you saw at outside your gym a few days ago, with a beaver sticker on it's side.

the light turns green and you drive slow to see if they would overtake you but they don't. your anxiety is at an all time high confused about what to do, you call your boyfriend. "pick up, pick up," you mumble anxiously when the call goes to voicemail. you call him once more but still no answer.

you take a turn and the van follows. you're getting closer to your destination but the van is still tailing you. your phone rings and you quickly pick it up "hey sorry, i was in the kitchen. where are you? it's been twenty minutes." nanami's voice comes through.

"kento," your voice is shaking as you’re on the verge of tears. a sense of relief flooding you at hearing his voice, finally. "baby? are you okay? where are you?" he questions you worriedly. "yeah 'm okay. i— there's this van following me. i don't— i don't know what to do," you reply.

"what do you mean following you? where are you?" he asks and you can hear dishes clanking and nanami whispering a “fuck” when he hurts himself. "remember i told you about that weird van i saw at the gym the other day. i think it's the same one. i'm close to your place. i don't know how to lose them."

you hear him grab his keys and the apartment door shut in the background when he replies, "go to our usual cafe. i'll meet you there. okay?"

"okay. don't hang up." your breathing is erratic. "i'm here baby. don't worry, i'm here." he comforts you. "tell me. what snacks did you get for the movie," he asks trying to distract you. his footsteps hurried as he half runs to the cafe trying reach you quicker.

"i see you and i see the van. park on the side and come inside," he says and you let out a sigh of relief. he quickly snaps a pic of the van and sends it to ijichi 'get me information about the van and driver. quick'.

you make your way into the cafe and run into his arms. tears coating your face. "you're okay," he whispers into your hair. "i was so scared," you mumble into his chest. he hugs you tighter. "me too baby. but you're okay now. they can't hurt you, alright?" he pulls back a little to see your face.

you nod as you wipe the tears, "i'm sorry for—" you try to apolgize for worrying him but he quickly shuts you up "don't. don't apolgize." he furrows his eyebrows. "i'm always here for you, yeah? gonna always take care of you, don't do that." he gives you a quick kiss on your forehead.

"come on, let's go back home." you walk out of the cafe and the van is still there, parked a few meters away. "it's still here" you speak in a low murmur. your grip on his hand tightens.

as you start walking back to his place, nanami gets a text back from ijichi 'van belongs to an ex convict. served for 2 years for violation of restraining order and stalking. got out last month.'

he turns around. his expression something between disgust and rage. "fucking creep, let me go have a chat with him," he drops your hand but before he can go further you grab onto his arm "no, please ken. please. let's just go home," your voice quivers.

not wanting to stress you further he does as you say. "i'm going to take a shower," you sigh walking into the apartment. he texts ijichi and tells him to handle the guy.

as he’s waits for you he fluffs the pillows on the couch, adds a blanket, and dims the light, — wanting to create a comforting atmosphere for you. he decides you’ve been in the shower for far too long and joins you.

your head’s resting against the shower tiles when you hear the door open and shut. a quivering breathe escapes your lips as his hands wrap around your waist pulling you back into his chest.

you turn around in his arms and bury your face into his chest. your body trembles with each silent sob. he tightens his hold on you. “you’re safe. you’re okay. i’m here. never going to let you get hurt, my sweet angel. i promise.” he reassures you, gently rubbing your back.

at his words you finally look up at him and his heart clenches at the hurt in your eyes. he swears to himself then to make sure that guy ends up in prison again and to do his best to not have you feel this way. he kisses your forehead as if sealing his vow. he pulls you out of the shower and dresses you in his clothes.

he spends the next couple of days not too far from you. driving you to and from anywhere and everywhere you wanted to go. your personal chauffeur, bodyguard, boyfriend all in one. you were so grateful for him.

soon enough that guy ends up behind bars. he gives you a brief background on the guy in the van and how you were one of the few victims of his stalking mission.

one night while you’re watching a movie together, nanami hands you a black box with cute bow on top. inside it, you find a key. “we should pack whatever you have left at your apartment so you can move in with me,” he says – catching you off guard. you snap your head towards him and he smiles at you cheekily.

ever since you’ve moved in with him, he urges you to go out on your own – not wanting you to live in constant fear. apart from that nanami hires security personnel that follows you around from a distance to not overwhelm you but still makes you feel protected. moreover makes him feel at ease knowing you’re under safe watchful eyes.

𓇼 ⋆. 𓆝⋆. 𓇼 ˚｡𓆉 ⋆𓇼 ⋆. 𓆝⋆. 𓇼 ˚｡𓆉 ⋆𓇼 ⋆. 𓆝⋆. 𓇼 ˚｡𓆉 ⋆𓇼 ⋆. 𓆝⋆. 𓇼 ˚｡𓆉 ⋆𓇼 ⋆.

a/n: comments, likes, and reblogs are appreciated!

© SONARSPACE 2023 | DO NOT COPY, TRANSLATE, OR REPOST MY WORK ON OTHER PLATFORMS!

[lizzy019]

𝒞𝒾𝓃𝓃𝒶𝓂𝑜𝓃 𝑅𝑜𝓁𝓁?

Simon “Ghost” Riley x Plus-size Fem!Reader

cw -> insecurities, tough-love, oral (sixty nine), but a sweet ending :)

Word Count -> 1.4K

As a plus-size girlie, I genuinely wish I could get this, but no man likes a girl with stomach fat and it’s KILLING MEEE

This blasted mirror, you thought to yourself.

Hands scooping up your protruding apron belly with a sad expression, you look at yourself disapprovingly in the mirror as tears well up in your eyes.

Ugly, ugly, ugly! Your mind chanted in disregard of your mental health.

You didn’t care if people said, “Oh, but you have boobs!” or “Oh, but you have a full ass!” It wasn't about that anymore, you just wanted to feel pretty again. Like that young teenager who had no care for their looks, just getting good grades in school to finally have that dream job.

Now your job has you cooped up in your home all day, stress eating until you feel guilty and crying about it. It was pathetic.

You were pathetic.

Sniffles escaped you as you hid yourself in the baggiest clothing you had, frowning when you could still see the fat in your arms and the face fat that made you look old.

A knock at the apartment’s front door had you quickly wiping your tears in a hurry, trying to fix your breaths as you exited your room to go see who it was.

Opening the door to the apartment, you’re met with the familiar white skull mask and stocky body that you’d swooned over the first time you saw him.

“Simon!” You smiled, gently hugging him and allowing him inside. After months, he was safe and back home.

“Hey, luv. You gained weight?” He responded, dropping his duffel bag and eyeing you closely.

You winced at those words.

“Are you high or somethin’? Why’re your eyes all red and puffy?” He asked.

This had you freeze up, giving a nervous chuckle as you played with the hem of your sweatshirt.

“No no, I’m not high, I promise. Just tired.” You lied as smooth as you could, gesturing to the kitchen for him to go and get food.

Even if Ghost could tell you were lying from the way your body language was all closed off, he didn’t wanna dig and hurt you. So he just trudged to the kitchen for food and let you be.

The rest of your evening was spent in the bathroom, eyeing the laxatives you bought to thin yourself out with skepticism. While you wanted to take them, you didn’t know how they’d make your system react.

A waste of money, you thought to yourself.

But working out was a waste of time when bills had to be paid and the house needed cleaning, or family needed help, or groceries had to be done.

It was all too much, and you found yourself silently beginning to sob again.

Hands holding the disgusting fat at your abdomen, you curled up on the tiled floors and weeped. How could Simon deal with you? How could he want to be proud of you? Was he lying? Pitying you?

Ghost could hear the sounds from the living room, but he paid no mind to it. You never handled crying in front of others well anyway.

11:30 at night, Simon stripped bare in front of you as you hesitated strongly to take off your own clothing.

You felt bad for so many reasons, the two most severe ones being that you were scared he’d judge you and make cruel jokes about the pounds you’d gained, but also not taking your clothes off and making him upset or frustrated.

Ghost’s hands didn’t even let you choose, your shirt came off within a few seconds and so did your pants and panties.

Mortification crossed you instantly, and you wished you could run back into the bathroom, lock yourself away and rot. It’s the only thing you could do better than stuffing your face full of food.

Ghost got into position, and you felt awful when he got on top of you instead of you usually getting on top of him.

Flimsy cock at your mouth, you gently put it into your lips and began to work on what he’d pleaded for upon return. His own mouth attached itself to your core, but you weren’t wet. You couldn't focus on enjoying the pleasure when everything else was pulling you away from it.

Regardless, everything kept going, even your mortification which refused to leave. You were just too self-conscious, too fearful of his true reaction and anxiety creeping up because he hasn't said anything about it yet.

Once Ghost was good and hard, he moved once again into a missionary position and grabbed some lube and a condom, rolling the latex on first before lubing up your entrance. His tip pressed your core before a sharp thrust was executed.

Only a soft whimper exited you from it, and this really gave Ghost the sign that something was up.

“Luv, what the fuck is up with you t’day? You’re actin’ all reticent and timid for no goddamn reason. Or is there a reason that you’re just not informin’ me of?” He asked harshly, his expression not visible through the dark fabric covering his face.

His question made you think hard. Should you tell him? Would he laugh at you? Simon wasn't exactly an understanding person, and he never comforted anyone properly. With a shaky sigh, you shrugged.

“You said it yourself earlier, I gained weight. I tried not to, but I don’t have time anymore to be physically active asides small walks, it’s pissing me off and I understand if you think it’s not as attractive anymore-”

“Who the fuck told you that I said somethin’ as stupid and jacked up as that? Holy shit, is that all you were pissin’ yourself over? A few extra pounds?” He almost raised his voice, almost.

Reluctantly, you nodded your head and winced a bit.

He sighed heavily, his hands coming to pin down your wrists as he gently kissed your cheek. You were confused, what was happening here?

“Luv, you don’t gotta worry about my preference on your body. You’re you, you took me in and loved me in a way no one else chose to, I’m not in it for your body, I’m in it for you.”

This made your eyes water out joyful tears, this wasn’t something you heard on a regular basis, much less from someone who was way out of your league.

You gave a soft nod, and this made him fully begin to thrust into your core. That was what made you erupt in little moans, you just needed to be properly consoled.

Simon however, was going absolutely feral for the little jiggle in your tummy, the bouncing of your breasts, and the way your thighs happily squished against the mattress’ fabric.

“Yeah, that’s my good girl. Takin’ it so well, you like it? You like how my cock’s stretching this tight lil’ cunt open? Yeah, yeah you do.” He smiled softly under his mask, lightly degrading you with praise built in as he answered for you.

You were too blissed out to have even heard it.

A climax was nearing, and he moved himself into a mating press to violently assault your dripping cunt while pinning your soft body down against his.

“Simon! Gonna cum..!” You mewled out, hands clasping his shoulders before you finally spasmed and seized just to release all over his hard length.

This alone had him gasping for air, his thrusts heavy and desperate as he kissed all down your neck, sucking the skin to make hickies, before he couldn't continue it anymore.

“Fuck, I’m cumming, I’m cumming- shit!” He moaned out, ceasing all movements to fully release into the condom.

Huffs were the only thing you two heard for a good few moments, taking off his mask in totality to show his full submission to your trust.

Those pretty brown eyes and blonde lashes, lovely scarred cheeks and little amount of blonde stubble on his jaw and chin. Chapped lips and pinky nose. He was handsome, you felt like he could get any woman if he tried.

“Stupid British.” You teased, kissing his lips innocently before you two moved to get under the blankets to rest.

Ghost’s hands came to rub the pudge of your stomach, eyes soft as he looked at it with adoration.

“You’re like a cinnamon roll.” He murmured.

“Cinnamon roll?!” You exclaimed, laughing and kissing his cheek. “You goof.”

Ghost chuckled dryly, kissing your forehead before pulling the blanket to cover your shoulders to stay warm.

“Sleep well, cinnabon.”

[harveybwabbit92]

Grocery girl: Ken Sato x Reader pt. 4

You were a delivery girl who was frequently dispatched to famous baseball player's Ken Sato residence, you were a nobody that anyone hardly paid attention to, until you found the legendary baseball passed out on his front steps looking like hell, being a bit of worry wart you help him inside and that things took a HUGE turn when you find yourself playing mommy for a giant baby dragon….

Part 1, Part 2,Part3

==============================

The thing about being new parents is they go into it not thinking how much it'll change their life. as they build a routine around the baby's care that they often forget that they're still people, and need to take of themselves and each other wise over time the stress will start to boil over. And Ken had reached that boiling point as he came home from the game furious cos he got chewed out by the coach and he took his frustrations out on R/n as soon as he walked through the door.

The aftermath of the argument that ensued left Kenji with a sore cheek and even more bruised ego as R/n stormed out of the house in tears her parting words being "You have no right coming at me like, Sato! I'm not who took in giant baby and forced a stranger to uproot her life, because he's too proud admit that he bit off more than he could chew." Kenji made his way downstairs and felt his legs shake as he made his way towards the baby's containment chamber feeling even more frustrated.

He finally breaks down crying grieving over the stress and trials that came with parenting and driving off the only person that had been trying to help him and what was worst...even if he did go after R/n, he wouldn't know where she would go! in the month that they've lived together; never once had they ever sat down and just have a real conversation that didn't involve the baby. That, and he hadn't exactly been the nicest guy since she moved in with him either.

Mina asked if Ken would like to hit some balls as that usually helps him feel better and started up a simulation of the dodger stadium. Unfortunately Ken's frustrations seem to grow as he missed every pitch thrown his way, Baby watched him curiously and started giggling thinking he was being silly; He eventually got sick of everything and retreated to his room.

He kicked the mini fridge in his couch open finding a single can of coconut water. Ken snorted tried to kick the drawer shut but it was being stubborn after the fourth kick it finally locked and Ken buried his head into his hands. Mina approached him concerned, she explained that Kenji was experiencing a breakdown due to stress, no surprises there. She asked if he would like to participate in a counseling session simulation. Ken didn't want that.

"I need to talk to someone, not something...offense Mina."

"Then perhaps you should call someone, a friend? "

"A friend...Well I just chased out the closest person I could call a...."

"Ken?"

Ken had an idea who to call he ended up calling Ami Wakita for help hopefully she can help him sort his head out and maybe help fix things with R/n, but first he had to come off as subtle as possible so the reporter doesn't suspect his current living situation. Ken waited a rings for Ami answer. "Miss Wakita,. It's Ken, Ken Sato, I need to talk to you." Ami panicked a little thinking Ken calling to complain about her most recent article she'd done on him. "Oh, Mr. Sato. If this is about what I wrote, I'm sorry but I solely write based on what I see-" Ken interrupted her assuring that the reason for him calling had nothing to do with her article, he just needed a minute to talk.

Ami cut him a deal; five minutes of talking and he gives her an exclusive interview, Ken reluctantly agreed her her terms and began talking. He wanted to know how she does make it work? How does she juggle her job while also caring for her family at the same time? "I mean, how did you did not lose it on your partner or resist the urge to throw your kid out a window?" There was a slight pause on the other end and Ken was worried he said too much before Ami spoke. "Ken, do you have a secret wife and child? cos that would make one heck of a story.~" Ken felt his cheeks burn as he firmly denied it Ami snickered assuring him that she was joking.

She told him that parenting was difficult even with two people but it's a rewarding journey and though it can seem bleak and stressful at times, but there's always that awe that comes with these little lives are relying on imperfect you to guide them through it all, even teaching you a few things along the way the feeling you get from experiencing it is... "Incredible..." Ken said in awe as he watched the baby trying to copy him from watching some of his old games.

He asked Mina to lower the kaiju's containment field and managed to get a hold of a giant baseball bat he just randomly had lying around and handed it off to the baby. "...And your five minutes are up!" Amy stated Ken hadn't heard her right away as he was trying to Baby how to swing her bat. "Ken, are you still there?" The baseball players eyes widened as remembered her was on call with her. "Oh, yeah. thanks!" Ami said his thanks can be the exclusive interview he promised. "Ah, right. Let's meet tomorrow at Tonkatsu Tonki in Meguro, around 7?" He hung up before Ami agreed and Ken returned to teaching Baby how to play baseball he had Mina bring up a simulation a baseball field from his childhood complete with his mom cheering him on front the stands.

Ken showed the baby how to hold her bat and went to pitchers mound the first try didn't go so well as Ken had accidentally nailed her in the forehead causing baby to started crying; Ken went to calm her down and reassure her. "It's okay, it happens. We'll try again. this time keep your eye on the ball." Ken went to pitch again and this time baby hit a homerun! Ken and Mina cheered and ran up to the kaiju. "C'mon girl, time to run your bases!" the the baby laughed and chirped giddily as she followed her daddy.

Cut to an hour later the baby has fallen asleep though with some difficulty, Ken learned that R/n would sing to the infant kaiju; which was news to him(he was usually K.O.'d or fighting Kaiju while R/n was on duty.) According to Mina R/n has lovely singing voice. Lucky the teddy bear R/n got Baby combined some Music box melodies playing on the speakers was enough to calm the infant dragon down. Now Ken had different matter to attend to: Apologizing to R/n. it's been an hour or so and she still hasn't come back...

He did relax a little knowing they were on an island so she couldn't have gone far, she would've had to borrow one of his cars to leave (There was a Baby incident with R/n's car.)..."Mina did you give R/n a watch?" he asked in an anxious tone Mina confirmed that she had. "Bring her location up." Ken brows furrowed in concern as R/n location showed her off the shore in the ocean. "She probably walked onto a shoal path and got trapped on on a rock something when the tide came in." Mina theorized that didn't calm Ken's nerves as he told Mina to keep an eye on baby while he went to look for R/n he turned into Ultraman left for a swim out the airlock.

Meanwhile

R/n was cold, sore, wet and pissed off and worst off trapped on this rusty-ass buoy that she managed to grabbed onto as the current pulled her away from the shore, R/n scratched her arms and legs up from climbing onto to it as the ocean came more restless with each passing minute, and all she could do was sit there and berate herself. "Because you let it get to you, You let the stress and Ken get to you and that's you how you drowned in the sea...." R/n eyes widened horror as the realization dawns on her "Holy crap, I'm going to drown in the sea" Her complexion turned ashen as she last out a small gasp. "..Just like Meimei's card reading said." R/n said thinking back to her last shift.

*R/n was sitting in the DN6 break room eating lunch while Meimei sat across from her giving her a Tarot card reading with Digimon cards??? R/n looks at cards then at the teen skeptically. "...And how exactly would I drown in tea?" she asked while taking a bite of her sandwich.*

R/n thought it over for moment then shrugged "Eh, close enough..." And this was All be cause she just wanted a few minutes to herself and to be far away from Ken as possible! But being stuck out here made R/n realize she couldn't really blame him for lashing like that. He was stressed out they both were, neither of them haven't had a moment of peace in what seemed like forever! Hell they've barely spoke to each other since R/n moved in...One of them was bound to snap from the pressure eventually!

R/n looked across the pitch dark bay at the distance of the Ultrabase and wondered if she should risk it and try to swim back? The delivery girl looked down at her scrapped hand and legs then snorted. She'd never make it, R/n was by no means a profession swimmer and even if she was there was a risk of riptides; that with all the blood she was leaking she'd be inviting every predator in a near mile to a free dinner! 

While was stressing over her current predicament she failed to noticed the two blue lights under the waters surface searching around until they looked up, they seem brightened up when they noticed her sitting at the water's edge, R/n let out a panicked yelp as tried to hang on to the buoy for dear life as the waves caused by the unknown entity crashed against it threatening to send R/n tumbling out to sea! *Oh, Great...now I'm gonna get eaten by a kaiju!* The delivery girl thought as the unknown creature broke the waters surface but what greeted R/n wasn't some aquatic monster wanting to eat her but instead the towering figure of Ultraman standing over her.

"R/n." He said with a relieved sigh as he leaned down to get better look at her. "Are you okay?" The delivery girl hugged the buoy tight as his movements caused the water to shift around. "I'd be happier if I was on land!" the delivery girl whined as the buoy shifted violently Ken reached out and held the buoy still while he held out his free hand out for R/n to climb on to. The tiny woman reluctantly hopped on and expected Ken to just walk them back to the base but instead he suddenly cupped his other hand over her. "Hey, take a deep breath for me, ok?" R/n looked up confused at what Ken was doing. "Hold my breath? what for-" her voiced echoed of into the distance as Ultraman suddenly flew off into the sky.

R/n felt like her stomach was yanked into her feet as Ultraman flew them somewhere when he finally stopped and set her down R/n needed a minute to get her bearings before looking around her eyes widened in awe as she took in the white sandy beach and untamed jungle in the distance. "Where is this?" she asked looking up at the silver giant who rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "It's just a random island my dad used for training, it's small enough not show up on any maps and completely uninhabited." he explained as the [y/hc] woman looked out into surroundings she could see some parts of the the island were all kinds of torn up and in the pale moonlight she could see areas of the beach were glassed over like it had been hit by a lighting strike or say an alien energy beam...

"Why did you bring me here-....Are you going kill me?!" Ultraman looked at her startled "What the hell makes you think that?!" R/n goes on a rant on how she knows and seen too much, she could go to the press! Which she wouldn't actually... but still she's a liability to his life! "Would you calm down? I'm not gonna kill you...I brought you here to talk." Ken reassured as he sat down, it was kinda funny seeing Ultraman sitting so casually in that sand as R/n reluctantly joined him...

the two of them relaxed to the sound of the waves crashing on the beach and crickets chirping in distant the jungle as Ken finally spoke up. "I'm sorry freaked out at you like that, It's just this whole thing with the baby and my jobs-" His timer started blinking R/n put her hand on his thigh. "Hey, It's okay. I get it..." Ken didn't seemed too convinced.

"No, what you said earlier; about uprooting your life... I never thanked you once for that did I?" The giant asked looking down the human his eyes dimmed somberly as R/n removed her hand from his thigh and looked down at her lap. "It wouldn't hurt to hear it every now and then...." The giant moved his hand so it was rested behind R/n who leaned back against it. "Well thanks, for everything." he said as the two sat in silence for a few moments enjoying the silence before R/n spoke up.

"I'm curious why haven't you switched back to human, don't you have 3 minutes or something?" Ultraman looked down at her oddly. "Uh...What? I don't have time limit, why would you think that?" he asked with sight laugh R/n's mouth opened but closed again when she couldn't come up with an answer. "I'm not sure...maybe I read it somewhere?" Ken was curious now and went to press where she had read that from? but was interrupted by Mina calling informing that the baby was waking up soon and she won't be happy seeing both her parents gone.

 "Welp, looks like break time over, let's go home" He held his hand out for R/n to hop onto this time delivery girl was ready for take off as Ultraman jumped up into the sky, when they got back to base Mina chewed Ken out for not bringing straight home to have her scrapes treated before the deciding to run away for an hour.

========================

{Ultraman didn't turn back into Ken cos he knew they weren't going to be staying on the island long.]

{Also: Did you catch the Archer reference?}

=========================

@mf-rockstar,@pattycakes2024,

@the-unhinged-raccoon,@karebears-klub,

@oh-kurva, @mashiromochi,

@boogiemansbitch, @ok-boke

@dap11

[borbygorlinbbqworld]

The Roommate - 1

When you were down on your luck, your best friend had really helped you out. Instead of being left homeless, you could roommate with Rob's younger sister, whom you hadn't seen in years.

"My only rule," he had warned, "Is no fucking her."

It hadn't been a thought you'd ever assumed would cross your mind at the time.

But boy, had the last few years been kind to Nea. No longer the little girl you and your friend teased for having glasses, she had really changed physically.

The day you met her again after all those years, you had to do your best not to stare. Even months later, it was still challenging not to.

But how could you not?

As she walked into the kitchen, her massive breasts swallowed up her torso, soaked at the teat. Each step jostled them, often making her nipples hard; of course, you only knew this because she refused to wear wired or padded bras despite her endowment. Her areolas puffed through the shirt too; what you wouldn't give to just squeeze them once...

She brought in a case of filled baby bottles be put in the fridge specifically reserved for milk. Your own fridge was scarce; after losing your home, money had been tight, and buying groceries had become a luxury.

"Shit, there's no more room..."

Of course there wasn't.

You admittedly didn't know much about breastfeeding or pumping milk, but you did know her supply was fucking insane. There didn't seem to be a single time of day when she didn't exude hormones, so it was no surprise her massive mommy milkers would have made a dairy cow jealous.

She turned to you, her eyes wide and doeful. "Did the hospitals not come to pick up today?"

You shook your head. "Bank holiday."

"Shoot." She looked down at the bottles of milk in the crate propped against her hip. "Do you have room in your fridge?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

"Thanks."

The sway and motion of her breasts as she walked was hypnotizing. She started putting away the bottles. "What are you up to, anyway?"

"I'm supposed to bring in a bread pudding dessert for work tomorrow, so working on that... and stressing out."

She finally finished loading all her milk into your fridge. Eight bottles after having already fed a growing baby seemed like a lot, yet her milk-stained shirt suggested she had continued to leak even after the pumping session. How fucking full must those huge--

"Jake?"

Your dick twitched at the sound of your name from her. Man, those tits were distracting.

"Y-Yeah?" You did your best to look away, hoping she hadn't seen you staring.

Again.

She walked behind you, and started rubbing your shoulders. Sure, they had been stiff from stress, but it was nothing compared to what you felt in your suddenly very restrictive jeans.

"I asked why you were stressed." As she continued rubbing your shoulders, you felt the warm squish of her breasts against your back.

'Don't you even think about fucking my sister!' It had been Rob's one rule; was it really so hard to keep from thinking about it? Your cock pressed against the fabric of your jeans, begging to get out.

Sidestepping away from Nea, you kept your eyes trained downward. "Oh uhh... I didn't have the money to grab all the ingredients I need."

"Maybe I can lend you some. What are you missing?"

"Whole milk."

"Oh shoot. I don't think I have any, I'm sorry."

Her voice was sincere; she genuinely was sorry for being unable to help.

"If... if you're really stuck though..."

You sighed. "I am."

A cute, almost devilish smile played on her lips. "Well, breast milk has a slightly higher fat content than whole milk. And you can technically bake with it."

Your dick twitched again.

Despite the eight bottles Nea had produced not even an hour ago, her tits somehow looked full. Her mammaries spilled out the front and sides of her tiny nursing bra, and her swollen areolas and nipples stretched it to being nearly see through. Just then, you notice blossoming damp spots where her nipples are trying to poke out just as much as your dick is begging to.

How were they so full already?!

Still, she couldn't be serious...

Yet there she was, offering herself...

Well, her milk, anyway. But fuck, that was still so hot...

She brushed her copper hair behind her ear, her cheeks a tinge of pink. "I-if you wanted, anyway. No pressure."

Your friend's voice, ranting about his rule played on loop on your mind. But was using his sister's breastmilk really the same thing?

"Okay, thanks. Should I use the fresh stuff or older in the fridge?"

You asked it, but the whole time, your gaze was transfixed on the wet patches that had started to drip from her shirt.

'Stop staring!' you chided yourself. You look back up at her eyes, pleading she hadn't noticed.

She very much did. With a smirk, she met your gaze, then looked down at her massive tits. Taking one in her hand, she massaged it a bit, making the blue veins more prominent each time she added pressure.

"I was thinking, maybe you wanted a taste test before baking with it." A spurt of milk gushed through the fabric of the nursing bra as she squeezed, no doubt mirroring the precum you felt moistening your boxers.

It was all you could do to stand there and breathe. All the blood from your brain had clearly vacated to the spot that had won over.

More over, you could barely adjust yourself when she finally noticed how hard you were.

She pulled the nursing bra over her massive breasts; it was the first time you'd seen her completely bare, and her dripping cherry nipples made you realize how dumb the promise to your friend had really been.

All you wanted was to suck that woman's teets dry, and to bury your cock and seed in her.

"Tell you what..." She grabbed your arm and led you to the living room. Despite each step being dainty, there was no way for her to walk without her tits swaying.

When she sat on the very last cushion of the couch, her breasts lay in her lap. She patted the seat right next to her. "Tell you what. It looks like we could both use some relief. Come; lay your head on my lap, and we'll kill two birds with one stone."

Your cock ached with the promise, begging you to submit to anything that may have led with her hands covered in your seed.

You nodded, but stayed where you were.

'Don't you even think about fucking my sister!'

Guilt must have crossed your features, because when you looked back at her face, she stared up at you innocently.

"Think of it as a favour to me." She looked down and pressed two fingers against an engorged blue vein; a tiny squirt of milk sprayed her lap. "If you don't, these will literally just be leaking all night again..." She looked up at you again, dew eyed. "Please Jake... I'm so full..."

Well, if she insisted...

---

🐮❤️

[buckybabesonly]

Mockingbird

Summary: Bucky tells you he doesn’t need you, except he can’t live without you.

Pairing: Bucky x Doctor!Female!reader

Genre: Slight angst

Warnings: I’m not a medical expert, mentions of character injury, Bucky self-wallowing

Word count: 2.8k

Knowing that Bucky was constantly amid danger was the bane of your existence. You could plead him to be careful, always remind him to take care of himself, but you knew your words could do little to protect him from harm.

He was a soldier first and would always do the right thing on the field, no matter how dangerous. He would attack those against him and protect those beside him, even if it meant that his safety was on the line.

It was one of the sources of your arguments, and you hated it.

In the beginning, you thought you would be able to take it. After all, he had been doing this long before he met you. When you first got together, he had made sure you knew exactly what you were getting into.

Your love for Bucky had been stronger than anything, and you knew you had to at least try, no matter how unconventional the relationship.

So, over a year later, even though you couldn’t have frequent dates like a ‘normal’ couple, and sometimes Bucky crawled into your bed looking bruised and battered, and you had found yourself in the crosshairs of Bucky’s enemies one too many times, you thought you had finally found happiness.

Bucky worried about you too. Being his girlfriend meant that he had a weakness to be exploited, and the fear grew over time after the first attack on your life just four months into your relationship. It had been a close call, but after that incident you moved into the Tower which had much safer security measures than your downtown apartment. It was probably more convenient to live literally where you worked, anyway.

The unexpected turning point, however, was seeing Bucky being wheeled into the medical wing on a gurney, unconscious with blood painting every exposed inch of his face. You were paralysed with fear, unable to even speak as you were ushered out of the room, dressed in your scrubs but far too incapable of being the one to tend to him.

He had made a full recovery, but this did little to ease your anxiety. A week after he’d been discharged, your fights began again.

“We’ve had this conversation before,” Bucky said tersely, doing little to hide his frustration as you paced your room.

“And we’re having it again,” you said through gritted teeth. “Bucky, do you know how scared I was when I saw you? I literally couldn’t move – Steve had to basically carry me out of there. That’s never happened to me before. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t think – I froze.”

Bucky’s face softened, knowing how terrified you were.

“That can’t happen again,” you continued, anger bubbling in your voice.

“What do you mean?” He dragged a hand across his face, looking exhausted.

“You almost died, Bucky.”

He scoffed. “They’ll have to try a lot harder to get rid of me.”

“Stop it!” You exclaimed loudly, turning on him, livid. “I know you always joke about things like that, but it’s not funny.”

“What do you want me to do?” It was a genuine question, and you were hyperaware of how tired Bucky looked in this moment. You felt guilty for adding to his existing stress, but you weren’t sure how you were going to cope anymore.

“Can you just – I don’t know, take a break?” You knew the words coming out of your mouth were silly, but you just wanted Bucky to stop. Stop getting hurt, stop getting injured, stop risking his life and risk taking himself away from you permanently.

“This is all I know,” Bucky said firmly. “You know that this is what I have to do.”

“Do you? Do you have to do it?” You challenged. Vaguely, in the back of your mind, you knew you were being unfair but your stubbornness meant you had to stick to your guns.

“What do you expect? You want me to take a part-time job in a grocery store, instead?”

You didn’t take kindly to his snarky tone, bristling.

“I’m expecting you to take this relationship seriously.”

“What part of me doing my job means I don’t take this relationship seriously?” He shot back, looking irate.

“You’re supposed to take my needs into consideration, too. Nowadays, every time you leave, I think it might be the last time I see you.” Your voice cracked on the final word, and Bucky could see you crumbling as your eyes stung.

He quickly approached you, pulling you into a comforting hug as you sobbed into his chest. He was the only person you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with, and he had seen you cry more often than he’d like to.

“Hey, hey, don’t cry. You’re breaking my heart,” he murmured, pressing his lips into your hair.

“I don’t want to lose you,” you said, knowing he didn’t quite understand the extent of your fear, try as he may.

The argument ended with kisses melting into your skin and reassuring words in your ear, and you allowed him to comfort you, though you knew it was only temporary.

Anger was blinding Bucky’s better judgement.

It was Sam’s turn to be wheeled into the medical wing, but this time, it didn’t look like he would be as lucky. He was still human, after all, and it looked like HYDRA had managed to do a number on the Falcon.

Sam had to undergo emergency surgery as Bucky stalked up and down the waiting room. He was muttering under his breath, Sam’s blood still slick on his hands.

You rushed to the medical wing as soon as you heard, knowing that Sam was in the safe hands of your colleagues and that your boyfriend needed you. However, he barely acknowledged your presence when you burst through the doors, panic written on your face.

Bucky was torturing himself mentally. Replaying the events a couple of hours ago over and over in his head, watching as Sam crashed onto the concrete ground, wings smashed into smithereens and his body unresponsive, as the assailants got away. They hadn’t been outnumbered, but were taken by surprise at HYDRA’s unusually advanced tech. They had equipment that Bucky and Sam had not been prepared for and, unfortunately, struggled to combat.

Bucky had managed to get out unscathed bar a few scratches and bruises, but Sam was in much worse shape. Perhaps the worst Bucky had ever seen him.

He hated himself.

They were partners, and he had failed him.

“Bucky, are you alright?” You had been repeating that same question over and over again, but Bucky barely seemed to hear you. “I’ve looked at the team’s initial assessment - Sam should be okay.”

Okay? How could anything be fucking okay when HYDRA was still a threat to Bucky, to you, to everyone that he cared about? He was seething with anger, feeling hopelessness and rage consume him.

“I need to get out of here,” he grunted finally, shrugging you off and walking towards the doors. You recognised this response - he was shutting down, shutting you out, wanting to internalise his rage.

You gaped at him, pulling on his arm. “You’re not going anywhere. Can you please talk to me?” You knew what had happened had shaken him up, and you were determined not to let him wallow by himself.

“I know where their nest is,” Bucky spat, speaking to himself more than to you. “I can get them.”

You stared at him, shaking your head in disbelief. “Are you serious? You can’t go in there by yourself.”

“Sam got hurt because we were too fucking scared to go straight for the target,” Bucky practically snarled. “We thought we could play a strategy, work bottom up. But fuck that, they almost killed us out there, and I’m fucking done.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” you said harshly, knowing that Bucky wasn’t thinking straight. “You’re going to go in there, guns blazing and get outnumbered and beat? Again?”

“I can get the backup,” Bucky grunted.

“You’re putting yourself and everyone else’s lives in danger,” you said sternly. “Stop it and use your brain for one second, James.” You were secretly terrified, knowing that nothing could stop Bucky once he had his mind set on something. What would you do if he went in there alone and unprepared? What would you do if he got injured like Sam?

Bucky glared at you, and you almost recoiled at the sight, but stood your ground. “You know I’m right. You are being stupid and reckless.” You kept your voice steady, staring him down.

He marched up to you, pointing to the room where Sam was currently being operated in. You flinched at how furiously his boots pounded against the ground.

“Sam could die because of me.”

“It’s not your fault,” you said, exasperated. “You need a plan of attack. I know you’re angry right now, but you need to be calm.”

You watched as he turned away from you and suddenly lashed out, punching a sizeable dent in the wall, making you jump.

“You don’t know shit.”

You grimaced, hating the way he was speaking to you.

“Don’t talk to me like that,” you said, a small scowl on your lips. “I’m scared, Bucky. I won’t have you going out there, especially not in this state of mind. You’re not thinking straight.”

“I can’t just sit here doing nothing knowing full well where they are,” Bucky said, jaw clenching. He was feeling so frustrated and didn’t know why you couldn’t seem to understand.

“I know you’re angry,” you repeated, making Bucky’s jaw tick, “but you’re thinking blindly, and you need me to make you see sense.”

“I don’t need you for anything,” he said sharply.

His back was still turned to you, but you could see how his shoulders immediately sagged out of their defensive position once the words left his mouth. You audibly gasped, taking a step back and swallowing hard. Your lower lip quivered uncontrollably.

The constricting in your heart was awfully painful as you absorbed his words, ringing loud and clear.

I don’t need you.

His words made one of your biggest insecurities become something fully tangible. The deep-rooted belief that, at the end of the day, Bucky didn't really have any use for someone like you.

Cursing, he turned back round to look at you properly, his face full of guilt at your crestfallen expression.

“I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”

You didn’t say anything at first, inhaling shakily. Trying to catch your breath.

“It’s fine,” you said quietly, unable to hide the tears in your eyes. He took a step forward but you walked backwards again, rapidly until your back thudded against the doors.

"I shouldn't have said that -" he began, hating the way he could see the way your nails were digging hard into your fleshy palms, the way you did whenever you felt upset. Your mouth was trembling and he knew you were trying so hard not to cry

“I’m going to go,” you said quietly, turning to make your hasty exit and ignoring his pleas for you to stay.

You said quietly in your room, mulling to yourself carefully about what had happened. You had locked yourself away as soon as you had assurance from your fellow doctors that Sam’s surgery had been a success.

Bucky’s words swam in your mind. You knew they were borne from anger, but they had to have some truth in it.

He didn’t need you, not really. What could you give him that someone else couldn’t? What’s more, you were just an ordinary human. Weak, expendable.

You felt a cold chill creep through your chest as you continued to let the thoughts swirl.

You didn’t want to make the mistake of believing that you were more important to him than you actually were.

You pulled your knees to your chest, sat on the ground at the foot of your bed. You hugged them tight as if they could provide you some comfort, letting your tears soak into the fabric of your jeans.

Bucky never had a bad word to say against you. He was always the first person to battle away your self-doubts, your self-loathing, your insecurities. You wondered if he had always secretly believed that he didn't truly need you.

It was insane how much words could hurt.

A gentle tapping at your door made you jump, and you knew instantly it was him. His voice followed shortly after, a gentle plead.

“Can you open the door?”

His voice was apologetic, and it just made you want to cry harder. You heard him sigh when you didn’t respond.

“I’m really sorry, sweetheart. I really didn’t mean it. I was just being a jerk.”

You forced yourself to stand up and padded over to the door, knowing that he could hear your movements. You took a deep breath and opened it, met by the sight of his handsome, guilt-ridden face.

“It’s okay,” you said curtly, shrugging. “You said what you said. And I think, to some extent, you meant it.”

He scanned your tear streaked face, knowing how hard you were trying to keep your expression cool and face emotionless.

Bucky’s face became anguished, frowning and shaking his head vehemently. He stepped forward, taking your hands in his, though yours remained limp in his large palms.

“I didn’t,” he said firmly. “Of course I didn’t mean it.”

Bucky knew he couldn’t just take his words back and pretend they never happened, and he despised that he had hurt you.

His emotions were complex, his anger raw and all-consuming. He had been so caught up in his thoughts, he lashed out at your mere suggestion of reigning them in. He didn’t need to be placated – or so he thought – he just wanted to ride out that anger and hurt those people who posed a threat to everyone he cared about.

How could he make you think that he didn’t need you? Of course he needed you – you were his motivation for everything in life. You were his reason that he wanted to be better.

He should have listened to you when you tried to reason with him. He lost control of his feelings, and he was ashamed.

Bucky hugged you suddenly, circling his arms around you. He breathed in your scent, closing his eyes as you stood with your arms by your sides, unsure of what to do.

“I’m so sorry,” he breathed again, his words like silk in your ear. “Today has been kind of a shitty day. With HYDRA showing their faces again, and Sam getting hurt, and knowing that you could be in danger…it made me feel like I had to get out there and shut down any possibility of something happening to you. And I felt that I needed to do that alone, to be the one to eliminate the threat.”

You bit down on your lower lip, tears welling in your eyes again. You could feel the love radiating from Bucky as he held you, and it helped soothe the ache in your heart.

“When you tried to calm me down, I know you meant well, doll, I’m so sorry. But there was a voice in my head telling me that I have to do everything in my power to keep you safe, and when you told me not to do anything, I snapped.” His confession was wrought with honesty, and you softened your stance, raising your arms up to wrap around him, too.

“I know it doesn’t make sense,” he mumbled, sounding embarrassed now.

“It’s okay,” you whispered, tilting your head back to look at him. “I know you just want to protect me.”

“Believe me,” he said sternly, eyes locked with yours, “that I need you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Really?”

“Really,” he nodded. “I may be a fucking super soldier with a dumb metal arm and fight off bad guys, but I need you to remind me that I’m much more than just that.” He studied your face long and hard, making sure that you really understood him. Finally, he leaned down to kiss your lips. “Forgive me?”

“Mmm,” you murmured, unable to concentrate now as he deepened the kiss, pulling you closer against his body, his solid chest.

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s a maybe. I might need a little more convincing,” you muttered, pulling him into your room and closing the door behind him.

The door stayed shut for the rest of the evening.

[aranock]

I'm tired.

Just sort of in general I am exhausted. I know I put on a brave face a lot, but the hate does get to me. The constant unceasing hatred both offline and online gets to me. I'm human idk what to say. Been thinking a lot about the Bilbo quote, I might be paraphrasing, "I feel like too little butter spread across too much toast."

It's pride month, I should be feeling happy right? I convocated finally after a brutal long degree I should be feeling happy right? I like how my body looks for the first time in my life shouldn't I feel happy?

And I know that's not helpful, that feelings are not a should thing. And yet I feel it anyway :/. Not that I do not feel happy, I would say on average I am better than I have been at any other point in my life. But it does get to me.

I was invited to dinner with a former family member, a blood relative that breached every boundary I placed and even went so far as to accost me in a public space. It's hard watching someone lose all love for you the more you become yourself. Being told I'm an embarrassment to my parents by creeps online stings a lot more now that I had a blood relative say it to my face while aggressively yanking my jacket so I couldn't get away. I know its a lie, I know that this person saying that hurt my parents as much as it did me. Alas, anxiety rarely responds to facts or evidence.

Everytime it feels like I'm fine and over it; this person manages to weasel their way around boundaries to fuck up my mental health for a week. And the thing about chronic illnesses like mine is they flare up quite horrendously when you get stressed and anxious. Anxiety means waking up to acid burnt throat from reflux.

It makes my voice dysphoric all day.

I think deep down one of my greatest fears is that I am unlovable, that everyone around me secretly hates me and is just waiting for the excuse to finally be rid of interacting with me. I am terrified that I am a burden. Mortified by the false belief that I am broken.

Despite how horrific my childhood adolescence and some of my early adulthood were, my family was at least a safe place. I recognize that I was privileged to have that. With that said I think the reason this whole thing has rocked me so much is that it violated that one last place I felt safe. It has made me doubt the love of those I never thought I would.

Sometimes transphobia feels like drowning, and if you try to swim for air everyone decides to shove you further down cause actually it's proof you are faking needing breath.

I text someone anytime I go run errands, just to make sure someone knows. Had too many experiences of hate. I get anxious when I go to get groceries; will this be the time I get hit by a vehicle driven by a far right transphobe, am I going to get called a slur again, will the store staff get suspicious of me and search through all my groceries to make sure I actually paid for it. But please, tell me how I don't know what its like to be oppressed. When men sexually harass, catcall, creepily hit on, follow me around clearly I am not at all experiencing sexism. Obviously the real worst thing in the world is that women "cancel" people on the internet, and trans people exist. Did they think sending me hateful articles would suddenly make me go "oh yes clearly its all in my head, please genocide my community, I stand for nothing and have the moral backbone of a slug."

I don't really know why I'm writing this, I dont usually feel or desire to express something like this publicly. I will probably delete it later. Maybe I disappear into writing cause its easier to deal with the feelings that way. That at least then someone gets something out of my pain. That maybe it helps to condense emotional mountains to the mole hills of short strokes of a pen or presses of a key. To let them explode outward in a flurry of thoughts and words that others look at and say "I too have felt this, you are not alone, you are not wrong for feeling this way."

Anything to take the weight of it all off my chest for a second.

Because I am tired.

I'm exhausted really.

I don't want to be brave or strong or resilient. It's tiring to bear the weight of that and a billion projections. Atlas does not bear the heavens upon his shoulders because he is strong or brave. He bears it because he has no other choice. Because people put it on him.

I just want to exist; that is apparently too much to ask for as a trans woman.

If you are concerned, please don't worry I'll be fine, I was fine every other time after all. This too shall pass. But right now it hurts.

And I have had my fill of hurt for many lifetimes.

[carleycore]

When they insult you(Kenma and Oikawa)

A/N this blog is so weird- It’s like 400 styles in one.

Genre: Angst (it’s not SUPER bad- I can write a part two as comfort if y’all would like that)

Warnings: Insults obvi, pregnant reader(oikawa)

Part two

(not having a job)

Being with Kenma is wonderful. He never looks at other girls, fights you, and always is there to support and love you, so of course you did the same.

You’ve been dating him since high-school so you were there for him through his volleyball days all the way to his billionaire status. Naturally, you both loved and were there for each other unconditionally, so it was no surprise when he got down on one knee and proposed.

Currently the two of you were in the process of wedding planning which was super fun, but stressful as hell. 

Kenma made enough money from streaming and his business and he loved to stream. So he was still working when he really didn’t need to. 

You’d quit your job to focus on the planning and all had been going well.

Now the week was two months away and all you had left was the finishing touches.

All of the major stuff was done, and now all you had to do was plan the little things. Little things that would’ve been really helpful to have your fiancé's input on, so you opened his door slowly to see if he was streaming, which he was, but he was in the middle of a break.

“Hey baby,” you smiled, walking over to sit on his lap, “are you busy right now?”

You couldn’t tell when you walked in, but he seemed pissed off. 

“I’ve been streaming for four hours. All I want is a break, what do you want?” He responded harshly.  

“Just turn off the stream, I wanna talk about wedding stuff,” you bargained. 

“One of us has to work, Y/N. I know it’s fun to just lounge around on the couch and pick flowers but I have a real job. A job I need to support you and this lavish wedding you want.” 

After hearing this, you simply got up and left the room. If that was truly how he felt, so be it. There didn’t have to be a wedding after all.

Going into a guest room and slamming the door, you instantly started applying for jobs. Kenma knew you were waiting until you finished college to get a job again, and that he’d support you through getting your masters degree. But clearly, that was a lie. 

And you wouldn’t force him to support you any longer.

(Not dressing up)

You were 20 weeks pregnant. Finally at the point where it didn’t just look like you ate a lot. It looked like you were growing a baby. This also meant that it was getting harder to find an outfit that wasn’t just a shirt that was streched out too much, or an ugly maternity dress that made you look even fatter than you felt. Thankfully, Oikawa was there for you ever step of the way. Buying you new things to try on, encouraging you, and telling you how beautiful you looked. But his views changed one day.

Now you and your husband, Oikawa, were walking around the grocery store. Just buying food for the week when one of his old classmates came up to him.

She was pregnant too, and shopping for groceries with her husband. The only difference was she was absolutely glowing. Her bump fit her nicely, and the dress she was wearing looked amazing on her. It gave her a very cheery vibe.

Since you didn’t go to Aoba Johsai, you didn’t know them. So, you just smiled and looked at the food intently, as if you didn’t know what you were going to grab. 

After a while they left and Oikawa’s mood seemed to have worsened.

“What’s wrong babe?” You asked, trying your best to keep up with the speed that he walked to the cash register, “and we’re missing a few things.”

“Why can’t you look more like Nami? She’s 24 weeks and she still dresses nicely,” He complained, gesturing towards your Crocs, T-shirt, and sweatpants.

“I’ve tried, nothing you good on me,” you were about to cry. You didn’t know if it was pregnancy hormones or if it was the fact that your husband was berating you in public. It was a good thing the cashier had her airpods in and the store was fairly empty.

“Well maybe you should stay home then. It’s embarrassing when my friends’ wives look better than my own,” he grumbled, picking up the pancake mix and syrup you put in the basket, “seriously? Are you trying to look like a whale?” 

Instead of explaining how HIS child was craving it, you simply put it back on the shelf and was silent the entire way home.

That night, after putting everything up and showering you rolled on your side of the bed alone. When he wrapped his arms around your bump as he did every night, you pushed him off. Ignoring him when he tried to apologize and reason with you.

The next day when he apologized, bought you new clothes, jewelry, and the food you wanted you still didn’t talk to him.

It’d take a lot more than bribery for you to forgive his actions. 

THIS BELONGS TO CARLEY-CHAN 2023 DO NOT REWORK/REWRITE!!

reblogs and likes appreciated <3

[olive-fics]

☆Abby comforting FEM reader after nightmare☆

Hi! I would like to mention rq this was a request but I'm actually super duper stupid and accidentally deleted the request.. I absolutely LOVED this idea. <3 sorry for lack of posts! writers block tbh.kjfkldsjkljsk

Use of Y/N a few times, fluff, Y'know.. the usual. (Not proof read and probably many typos, bare with me.)

For the girls and the gays.. Men DNI! (Please. <3)

-This was one of the first nights "away" from Abby, your girlfriend. Abby was off at work for one of her first nightshifts this month at the office. Abby knew this would be hard on both of you so she promised she would put in her best effort to keep you happy, even with these new shift hours.

All day you felt crazy without Abby's touch.. Her hugs from behind, neck kisses and nuzzles. Hell, you're still trying to savor the soft kisses and hug Abby gave you before she left for work that morning.

As much as you do miss Abby, you can't even lie about how much she makes.. Because fuck, does her job pay well.

Abby spoils the shit out of you whenever she can, She never spoiled you in that rich people bullshit and fancy brands stuff but truly, if you wanted any of that she would buy it for you. Abby liked to spend her money on good memories.. EX: Trips, Dinners, occasional video games to play with you.. But you get it. She loves you and works hard so you're happy.

As much as money was important for bills and taxes it's not what you really needed. What you really needed was her physical touch.. Why did she have to take these night shifts??

You sat in bed trying to pass time by watching shitty cable tv, you couldn't even watch the current Netflix show you and Abby were watching together or she'd get upset, even though that's all you wanted right now. To make Abby upset, she made you upset? Why not get her upset for taking these shifts. Of course you could never betray Abby like that though so...push aside those evil thoughts Y/n.

All you could think about was the sound of Abby coming home.. Her coat and keys being placed on the counter with her boots dropping with a thud in the kitchen floor.

You weren't lazy all day of course, you did all that house wife shit like cleaning the house, making dinner, and buying groceries. Abby of course appreciated your work you did for her but she thought you were so lonely when she's not home.. "You need friends Y/n, please go join a book club or go to the gym.. you can make friends--"

When you sat in bed you couldn't even sleep, you haven't slept alone since you and Abby had first started dating.. You eventually fell asleep with Abby's pillow, inhaling her pine soap scent as you slept with another pillow between your legs as a replacement for Abby.. As much as it was embarrassing for how much you needed Abby it somewhat helped.

As you were sleeping Abby had finally came home, the click on the front door was quiet, Abby knew you were asleep with how dark the house was and how you didn't get up from the couch or something to hug her. The only Light she could see was the lamp in the living room and the Tv light from your guy's shared bedroom.

Abby had gone to bathroom to brush her teeth, wash her face off and change into some pajamas.

The longer you slept that's when your shitty re-appearing dream had appeared when you were stressed. Abby knew too, she heard your little mumbles and saw the little beads of sweat on your forehead..

"Y/n? baby?" She whispered to you, not to frighten you but to hopefully wake you up slowly. You didn't get up. Of course Abby had to have a heavy sleeping girlfriend.

Abby got in bed behind you, wrapping her forearm around you, pulling you into her chest. She tucked her right leg between both of yours and smelled your hair. God she missed the smell of you and the house. Abby rubbed soft circles on your back and thigh to comfort you incase you woke up.. and you did, horrified.

Gasping you woke up in a pool of your sweat and Abby's arms around you..

"Hey.. Hey calm down Y/n.. it's me.. I'm right here.." Abby whispered into your ear and kept trying to calm you down.

"It was just a bad dream.. I'm home now.." Abby gave soft kisses on your neck instantly calming you down. Finally.. Abby was home and that's all that mattered..

"Missed me huh sweet girl?.." Abby rocked you in her arms as you just turned around and wrapped your own arms around her.

"Missed you so much Abigail.. Please don't take those night shifts.. Please.." You begged her in your sleepy, teary eyed voice.

"Oh Y/n... I'll see what I can do princess." Abby ran her big fingers through your hair and kissed you softly, her minty breath made you sigh contently.

"Goodnight Y/n.." Abby hushed you to sleep again, and you did. Perfectly. ☆

Ahh ok hi I know I haven't posted in a few days but trust me.. I've been writing stuff!!!

☆ SMALL NOTE: Please stop sending me pure vents in the anonymous asking thing! It doesn't bother me but I'd feel bad about posting about it y'know? Just give me a general request! That's it! ☆

Sleep well!

[keepingitformyself]

we might just get away with it (i)

A/N: hey all!!! this is the first part of my first ever series, i’ve had this one in the drafts for a while and i’ll try my best to update it as much as i can. a-lot of this first part is just setting up readers life until their eventual meet with natasha (who goes by natalie rushman in this) this is an AU. HOPE YOU ENJOY!!!! i had a lot of fun writing this one.

ALSO: in honor of scarlett johansson opening an instagram account.

synopsis: hollywood is a tricky place for someone new like you, a certain elusive redhead is hoping for you to let her in.

pairings: writer!natasha romanoff x youngactress!reader

genre: fluff.

warnings: none.

part two found here. part ii

please do not repost my work anywhere for any reason at all. if you do see this happen to any of my stories, please let me know. thank you x.

—————————

you hadn’t been in the dating scene since you graduated college two years ago. it was a long time to go without going on a proper date with anyone, even your mother had called at one point to voice her concerns on why her only daughter hadn’t brought anyone back home to introduce.

truth be told, the mere idea of a relationship really stressed you out. especially now that you’ve been working tirelessly since the second you left college. the week after graduation your plane had already been booked four months in advance when you found out you landed the role for a lead in a film.

you left your hometown in texas and flew to la for a three month shoot. it was only in post-production for five months before the first teaser dropped and two months later the film finally hit hbo max to stream.

the success of it was enough to earn you an online following. people within the industry had reached out in hopes of getting to know you or even work with you. and now people knew your name enough for you to have been stopped a handful of times during grocery runs.

it was back to work in getting auditions and doing things that kept your artist mind flowing. it wasn’t too long before you landed a role for another lead in a netflix series.

the director of the series was a well known one. greta gerwig, it was her first time directing for tv as opposed to film, she told you she was truly impressed by your delivery in the film you’d been in months prior. you felt incredibly lucky to have even been thought of for her leading girl.

you told her you were a fan of the work she’d done. how you truly cherished her way of encapsulating the female experience through her writing and directing.

she smiled gratefully and said she hoped you’d be willing to accept the role she was practically offering to you, you knew she was just teasing. no one was stupid enough to let an opportunity like this pass. you said yes without hesitance.

it was a lot more intimidating this time around.

you were set to shoot for six months in london. a whole different country thousands of miles away from friends and family. you left home two months later.

greta was amazing, the sets were amazing, the cast was amazing, the crew you were especially grateful for. you made sure they knew that by ordering a free coffee and pastry truck to set every friday.

some of it comes as a blur to you. it’s easy to get lost in the craft when you love it so much, your mother told you once. you worked tirelessly often times worrying the ones around you but you promised you were fine. it was very easy for others to say how lovable and playful you were while still being able to maintain the professionalism that was needed on set.

it’s what they loved most about you. so it was no surprise to anyone when there started to be some conversations involving you, the star, and the series.

there had been mutterings between crew and even your own cast-mates.

you were in the city today, sat outside a corner coffee shop in mayfair. devyn, a cast mate of yours, and self proclaimed local, offered to show you around london.

‘i heard gary, one of our light technicians say that he heard the producers talk about how they’re expecting a huge rollout once they start announcing the series.’ devyn said as he sipped on his latte.

‘what do you mean?’ you took your eyes off the busy street to look at your cast mate.

‘you’re an absolute powerhouse in this series, you know that right?’ he told you seriously. ‘everyone sees it, there’s no doubt this show is gonna get big. they’re already expecting it to be.’

you cringed at his words, you were never good for taking compliments. ‘oh god, please stop.’ he smiled with a shake of his head, a look on his face that screamed, you’ll see.

turns out devyn was definitely not talking out of his ass.

greta had started to pull you out for meetings with the producers. they spoke to you about how netflix was willing to go all in for promoting.

greta told you herself, ‘although netlfix will definitely be a big help, i think just the show on its own is already set for a very promising release.’

they had you sign contracts and explained to you what would happen once filming was over. 1. you’re gonna go home and take a well needed three month break. 2. prepare yourself for what’s to come. 3. then you were to be called back in for promo shoots and teaser reels. 4. get ready for the big premiere.

‘it’s gonna be a lot, there’s no way of knowing the scale of success this will reach except that it will be huge, and a lot of that will be you.’ tony, one of the producers told you. greta along with everyone else in the meeting nodded to his words.

‘yeah, some stills from some of the finished scenes released a few weeks ago. it’s easy to say a lot of people seemed to make noise from that.’ rhys, another producer said.

your blood ran cold. although it was easy to say you were proud of how far you were able to come on such a short notice… it also sort of felt like a lot was being thrown at you all at once.

you maybe had an idea of what your life would be looking like afterwards. you remember seeing all sorts of opinions once it was found out by the world that you’d be the next lead for greta gerwig’s first ever series.

mostly everyone was excited. greta on her own was an insanely talented writer and director, people were happy to hear she’d be turning to tv and seeing what she’d come up with. you remember the week following the announcement feeling a little overwhelmed, all due to the men in cameras who had followed you around for a week.

‘rising actress Y/N Y/L/N seen leaving her west hollywood condo ahead of reports saying that she’s been casted for the lead in greta gerwig’s next directorial project.’

you’re thinking that maybe life will look like that but multiplied by a thousand, but you’re hoping not…? the success part will be great. why wouldn’t it be? it’s all you’ve ever wanted. to be a successful actress. but at the expense of having your life put on a pedestal? it was a very tricky thing to play at.

greta gave you a smile, almost teasing, like she knew the big secret that everyone else didn’t.

she leaned forward with her arms crossed on the table. ‘once this is over, it will never truly be over. are you ready for it?’

nothing could have ever prepared you enough for what would come with the release of the series. if you thought everyone knew your name before, they definitely do now.

the release of the series was just seven months after you finished filming it. it definitely had a huge rollout like everyone else said it would. you don’t remember much of the premier either. it was a bunch of flashes and getting asked questions. as soon as you got home you knocked out cold.

number one in seventy three countries was a lot. you wouldn’t even want to imagine the amount of people it took to watch you for that to happen.

but with the success of the series also came a huge amount of scrutiny on your personal life. within the week of its release you’d had an influx of followers on any social platform they could find you on.

apparently that still wasn’t enough. people were itching to know more about the new girl that had come out of nowhere and stolen their attention in just a week.

it was all very scary. it was all mostly positive, at least the things you’ve seen and been shown. your agent and team did a great job at keeping you away from all the bad. you still knew it was all there though. people loved you but people also really disliked you.

you’ve also come to learn that people chronically online are insane. especially if you give them something to hyper fixate on, you knew of the tweets and posts people had been making of you. it made you absolutely freak out how fast people were to find out every little thing there was to know about you in such a short time.

‘i want you to go home for the week. not home in LA, home as in with your mom.’ samantha, your agent, told you. samantha along with your publicist fred, had seen firsthand what was being said online. she’s been in the industry long enough to know how ugly it can get for the victims, you were young and she wanted to protect you from that as much as possible.

‘i called your mom, she’s already expecting you home by tomorrow morning. your plane leaves at midnight.’ you nodded gratefully. the tension in your shoulders had slouched a little after hearing that. you missed your mom and you were scared as shit right now.

samantha was there in the uber when you were dropped off. she bid you goodbye and told you she’d call you for details on the next flight back to LA. ‘rest as much as you can, the press tour is gonna hit real hard.’

now came the insanely difficult part. the week back home went too fast and now you’re on a plane back to LA where your agent and a stylist were awaiting your arrival.

as soon as you’re off the gate a beefy man in jeans and a polo helps to escort you towards your luggage and eventually the car. ‘ma’am, just a heads up. there’s paps.’ he tells you before quickly ushering you out the glass doors and into the suv.

you don’t remember much after that. just that as soon as you arrived to your condo you were quickly pushed into a room with a stylist and pushed into another car after that.

the week had gone fast for the amount you’ve been doing. you’d met up with your cast-mates for the first time in a while and you were happy for that. most days it was just going to interviews answering questions, promoting, playing question games, more questions, etc…

it was finally friday. but promo was far from over. ‘you’re flying out tomorrow morning to new york and then we’re off to europe for the week.’

tonight was the huge post-premier party for the series. it was expected that there’d be quite a few well known names attending tonight aside from the cast. although a part of you was dreading another night of questions and just overall socializing, you knew it was needed to network.

cameras flashed in your face and people shouted your name upon arrival, but people were quick to let you in. ‘there’s a lot of people who want to speak with you.’ samantha tells you. you nod and put on your best brave face for the night.

samantha lingers around you as you cycle through speaking with all kinds of people. producers, actors, writers and the like. the first two hours fly by and things have reached some sort of stasis by then.

you’re in the middle of a conversation with some cast mates when tony— who you recognize as one of your producers— walks up to you with a redhead in tow.

‘the woman of the hour!’ he raises his arms to hug you.

‘i have to introduce you to natalie! she’s an excellent writer!’ the redhead next to him who you now know as natalie lets out a dry laugh at the man’s words. he was very obviously drunk.

and you see now that she is very obviously attractive.

she takes a few steps towards you and sticks out her hand for you to shake.

‘i hear you’re the talk of the town. have not stopped reading about you online.’ the smirk she wears makes you appreciate her beauty even more.

it was true. you were everywhere— in the tabloids, the headlines…natasha indulged in every single piece of information about you that she came across.

she also might’ve convinced tony to somehow introduce you two when she found out he was working with you.

she was a fan since your last film, and as a working screenwriter for film and television, she caught a bit of inspiration from seeing you on her screen.

‘i’ve gotta say, i was really impressed by your performance in this show. greta is a long time friend, she did good in choosing you.’ natalie compliments.

‘oh, thank you! it was a pleasure to work with her…she’s great.’ you cringe at your words. you still aren’t any better at taking these compliments no matter how many you get.

natalie smiles at you in silent understanding. she’s picked up on the small awkwardness that underlies the conversation.

you let out a low huff and motion towards the bartender to get you a shot of tequila. natalie quirks an eyebrow at your order but doesn’t question it.

‘do you want a drink?’ you turn to natalie with a smile. not only is your social battery slowly starting to diminish but talking to someone like natalie will have you saying nonsense.

you figure you’ll need a drink if you’re gonna continue to speak with her.

‘a diet coke will do me right. i’m driving home tonight.’ she says, the bartender nods and fixes your drinks.

an hour later and the drinks are sure to have calmed you down. in fact they’ve done more than just calm you down.

natalie and you spend a long while talking about anything and everything. you bond over being major nerds when it comes to philosophy. she tells you about how she double majored in philosophy and english at nyu.

‘my love for english had always existed but after taking a philosophy course my freshman year, it’s like i needed to write about these things that were talked about. i needed people to see what i thought about.’ natalie explains to you.

you’ve come to enjoy natalie despite only have met her about an hour and a half ago.

you tell her about how you were a huge thespian in high school and entering college, how philosophy was an added bonus when you figured out they both go very well together.

you’re grasping her arm as you explain it to her.

‘i mean genuinely i would hear so much about aristotle in my ethics class and then he’d somehow be connected to creating the 6 elements of a play! how crazy is that?!’

natalie is trying hard to concentrate on your words. you’d think it’d be a lot easier for her given the fact that she hasn’t had a single drop of alcohol…but all she can pay attention to is your lips. how they’ve now plumped up slightly due to your drinking.

she’s completely smitten with you by now, and she’s just met you. you’re definitely not like what the internet makes you out to be. for the most part, it really is just the alcohol in you.

you continue to ramble on.

‘honestly, i think socrates is good guy— like he has some great ideas but it’s kinda annoying how he thinks his way is the only way and he makes it his entire personality— ugh hold on i need to go piss.’

you’re clearly too drunk to care about what words leave your mouth. natalie doesn’t seem to mind it— and quite frankly neither do you.

‘do you need help getting there?’ natalie is quick to ask. all in good intentions, of course.

‘uhhh, yeah.’ you’re quick to agree. you have a rule, always travel in pairs when alcohol is present.

your arm is hooked to natalie’s as she helps lead you to the restrooms. it’s here when you get a slight whiff of her. you cringe at how weird you think of it in your head.

but she smells awfully appealing. like suede, lemon and a fireplace. all combined.

‘you smell really nice,’ you say, too worried about your bladder to care.

you feel vibrations of a chuckle leave natalie, you smile when you see her smiling too.

you nearly run into a stall as soon as you’re in the seemingly empty bathroom, thank god, you think. pee anxiety is a real thing.

you feel a little more level headed after doing your business. natalie waits by the door staring as you dry your hands.

‘feel better?’ you hear her ask.

‘much,’ you smile, a drunk one, your mind a little hazy.

‘i had a fun time tonight, with you, i mean.’ you find yourself saying.

she quirks an eyebrow. you continue.

‘i’ve had a really stressful past few weeks, it was nice to just…drink and talk knowing my words wouldn’t be plastered on some magazine issue the next day.’ you finish. your body is still buzzing. the alcohol making your body slightly move in place. but nonetheless you feel oddly content.

natalie smiles. a really big one.

‘i’m glad i could help take the edge off,’ she says.

you chuckle, turn to the mirror and make sure your makeup is still in place. a ding from your phone makes itself known, indicating a message. you dig through your clutch bag to get it.

we’re leaving now, you have an early start. plane to nyc leaves at 7:35am.

the text message from samantha reads.

you huff.

‘sorry to cut this short, natalie. my presence is needed near the entrance. i have to be in new york tomorrow before noon.’ you smile apologetically

she smiles. a part of her wasn’t surprised at all. you’re you, and everyone wants to be around you. she was surprised she even had your attention for more than an hour.

she nods. ‘i get it, can i ask why though?’

‘interview with fallon, i think.’ is all you say before you step closer to the redhead and press a kiss to her cheek. you think nothing of it.

‘truly, it was lovely to meet you natalie.’ and she doesn’t have the chance to reply before you’re out the restroom door.

natalie realizes she never got your number.

two days later, she’s made it back to her home in new york. natalie decides to shake off the jet lag with late night televison and a glass of wine in hand.

ironically, jimmy fallon is on.

‘please welcome…!’ and she sees you appear before her.

she is so captivated, she doesn’t realize she’s finished the bottle of pinot grigio next to her.

stupid as it sounds, this is when natalie rushman decided she wanted to be a part of whatever world you were creating for yourself.

[mossmotif]

grocery clerk suguru x youtuber reader... we r officially walking people (we r holding hands btw) @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat i hope u dont mind being tagged but i know u were excited about this!!

OK! so this is such a specific concept but it is so very special to me. i imagine suguru working as a clerk with one of those cute little aprons some stores sometimes have their employees wear. so he's got this little job but then later at home he likes messing around online.

yes guys, im making him a little streamer in this au i couldn't help myself. (what games he likes to play specifically i'm not too sure about yet, but i think he likes to stream a variety of things!) he's got a small audience but he's found that it's a cool way for him to decompress so he really enjoys it!

anyway back to the reader. you come into the store suguru works at pretty frequently, with an array of impressively well picked groceries almost every single time. he likes to play this little game when gets bored on shift where he guesses what people are cooking based on what they buy, and you're by far his favourite any time he plays it.

it's a little embarrassing to admit, but you're kind of the best part of his week. always so kind even on days he notices you're in a rush or stressed out, bidding him a good day after you're done bagging your items, a small smile on your lips the few times you raise your head to look at him.

suguru notices that you seem to favor him anytime he's at the registers, feeling an odd sort of pride whenever he spots you scanning the lines and choosing his every-time. call him delusional, but it sort of becomes hard to ignore when you choose him even when a register with a much shorter line is available.

for some reason he's found it strangely difficult to break the ice with you, finding it hard to secede from his practiced script in the short time the two of you share a space. the most deviation he's been able to muster in the past weeks has been asking you if you'd like to sign up for the store's rewards card.

subconsciously searching for something to point out casually takes him a few troubling days, but he finally conjures something in the spur of the moment. right as he's handing you back your cash, suguru notices the vibrant colour of your nails; they're different from last months.

"I like your nails," he mentions quickly, semi distracted by the upcoming customer already beginning to place their items on the belt.

You look up from your bagging and Suguru is able to literally catch the way your face brightens, fixated on the flash of your teeth and the crinkle of your eye. It's the first time he's seen your cheeks rise up so high, delightfully different from the subtle smiles you've granted him till now.

"Thank you," you reply, a laugh laced into your voice. And then you're gone again, throwing a sincere good bye over shoulder, bag hung over your arm, and stepping out the automatic doors.

the interaction is short, brief enough to have suguru thinking about it the rest of the day. latching onto it enough that he finally buys that nail polish remover he's been needing to wipe away the chipped mess on his own fingertips. and maybe he repaints them new with you in mind.

it goes on like this for a little while. you notice the new colour on suguru the next time you see him and compliment it. he does the same for yours, mentioning how close it is to one of his favourite shades. actively holding back from slyly commenting on how you've been subtly matching it to his preferences based on your short conversations. blue, green, black; anything he mentions makes a subtle cameo onto the design of your nails in the following weeks or so.

he never explicitly mentions you during his little streams, but suguru does have this thing where he'll mention craving a specific food that's related to what he'd seen you buy that specific afternoon to his chat. it's fun to mention it to his few viewers, sometimes they'll recommend him tutorials on how to make certain things or even share their own recipes. it often ends rather jokingly, with crazy inedible recipes no one would dare follow, but some times it can be rather wholesome.

one night, he gets off stream and actually decides to check a few of them out. aimlessly scrolling through both the serious and unserious suggestions.

he never would have imagined recognizing your nails, jewelry, and voice after typing in the title of a video and pressing on it.

turns out the reader makes content themselves! they've got this semi-popular cooking channel they've been growing for the past two years or something like that. i like to think it started off as something sort of accidental for you. like one of your close friends liking your cooking so much that they beg you to share it.

then you just kind of picked up the habit of making different types of videos by following a vague schedule. you found yourself really enjoying the process of making the food and sharing the way you did it with people. one of your favourite parts is reading the comments of your videos and seeing how people's food turned out for them, if they liked the taste or if they cooked it for someone else.

it's been a motivator to indulge in your groceries a little more. eventually you switch over to buying at the more expensive grocery store more often in order to purchase higher quality ingredients.

it helps that you meet geto there, the cute clerk who has a sweet voice.

you grow to enjoy him being part of your routine. a small part of you even believes him ringing you up adds a dash of luck to how your cooking will turn out that week.

the more you've frequented, the chattier he's gotten, gracing you more with that silken voice of his. it almost reminds you of a warm meal.

but this afternoon seems odd.

geto can't seem to stop staring at your hands today.

[happiest-hotch]

can you please write a hotch blurb where reader finds out she’s pregnant with aaron (her boss)’s baby?

sucker for a plot like this

It's been hard to keep the surprising news to yourself long after you found out. Between Aaron being busy with Jack and your demanding work schedules, it has been impossible to find time to sit down and talk seriously with him.

Right now, being in the middle of a case where new mothers and their infants are being murdered is definitely not the right time.

Aaron knows it's been affecting you differently from how it usually would. It's why he decides to break the rules that you set, so no one knows you had a romantic relationship alongside your professional one.

It's been months of hiding it from the team, but it seems like the way to make sure things stay less complicated.

"Are you okay?" He asks, large hand resting against your back while you both stand in front of the case board.

You look up at him, eyes filling with tears. "Yeah." You lie, both of you seeing right through it. "Can I talk to you after this is done?"

He wants to push it, especially because he knows it'll be in the back of his mind for the rest of the day, but he can't. Not right now. "Always." He agrees.

It's late when you wrap the case, the BAU team walking away with a victory that will never feel like enough. Your hormones are not helping you keep anything contained, and you go to his office as soon as you're back at Quantico.

"Hi." He says softly when he walks in and sees you on the couch, nervously playing with your fingers. "What's going on?" He asks, sitting in front of you.

You take a deep breath, knowing right now is the last time in your life that you won't know his reaction. "I'm pregnant." You admit quietly, still not brave enough to look up and see his reaction. "A-and I know this is a surprise, and I'm not asking you to be involved, but I, uh, I just thought you needed to know."

"Y/n." He stops you, hand coming to rest over the top of yours. "Look at me." He begs. You do, and he doesn't look angry or upset. He's even smiling slightly. It makes you feel like you can breathe again after all the stress you've been feeling. "I want to be involved. More than anything." He assures you. "I'm very much in love with you, and I would never want to lose what we have. I love being a dad, and if you want to keep this baby, I am with you every step of the way."

His sweetness gets you crying easily, and he moves to sit next to you so he can hug you. "I do, Aaron." You tell him. "Want to have a baby with you. Are we ready for this, though?"

"Yes." He agrees easily. "It'll finally give me a chance to ask you to move in with me, too." You giggle at his relieved sigh. He wants to tell you he's eagerly waiting to ask you to marry him, too, but that should be a surprise. "I've been waiting too long to ask you that."

"I basically live with you anyway." You point out. Your shampoo and conditioner have even become a regular item on his grocery list.

He cups your jaw, so your faces are closer together, noses barely touching. "I am really excited about this, you know?"

For the first time, you feel like you can let yourself be. "Me too. And I'm extra excited because I get to do this with you."

[roseofdarknessblog]

Bloodied Lips (Vampire!Levi Ackerman x Reader)

Word count: 3 300

Disclaimer: english is not my first language, I apologize in advance for any mistakes

Summary: Being in a loving relationship with an immortal being has always kept you on your toes. Because not one day (or night) with your centuries-old lover felt boring.

Bloodied Lips

As you were walking up to the front door of your small and cozy cottage by the lake and just a few steps away from the dark forest, a heavy sigh escaped your mouth. It was a long and very stressful day. You hated your corporate job in the city with a burning passion, but quitting was not an option. At least not now.

Coming home was something you looked forward to every single day. Escaping from the crowded and noisy city life, driving down the highway, and making a few more turns, until you arrived at the edge of a small town. There stood a home of your dreams, which you were so grateful for. Living in peace and silence, and surrounded by nature was essential for you.

And for your partner as well.

Levi hated big cities and everything that came with them. All the loud noises and overwhelming smells.

„Finally... what took you so long?“ he asked immediately when he spotted you. But before you could answer, he was on his feet, taking the bags with all the groceries from your hands.

„As you can see, I had to make sure we won’t starve to death. Or at least that I won’t,“ you teased him, leaning closer for a kiss. When Levi pulled away before your lips met his, an uneasy feeling washed over you. „Is everything okay?“

He shook his head but didn’t look you in the eyes to explain anything. He just turned around and carried the bags into the house. The evening was very cold, mostly because the sun had already set, so you didn’t stay out to wonder for too long. You followed Levi inside and closed the door, making sure the cold air didn’t slip inside the tiny cottage.

„You can always talk to me, you know that, right? Maybe I don’t understand sometimes, but that doesn’t mean...“

„You know what’s going on,“ he said, interrupting you. „Again,“ he added in a low voice, bracing himself against the kitchen counter. The way his shoulders shook with every breath he took, was enough for you to know everything.

„Levi...“ you said his name in a calm tone, coming closer. But even if you knew, that he would never hurt you, touching him in that moment would be a bad idea. „You know what we agreed on. There’s no need to ask for permission, I want to help you. Make you feel... alive.“ His laugh startled you a little, but you quickly regained your confidence.

When he didn’t say anything and didn’t turn around to look at you, it was best to back down. So you took off your coat and left your shoes at the door. Slowly, you walked back to the kitchen and started to unpack the groceries you brought home.

„When did you have time to decorate?“ Levi asked suddenly. He wasn’t here for the last two days, so seeing the little cottage full of fall and Halloween decorations came as a surprise. Not that he didn’t know how much you loved this time of the year.

The forest, which was just steps away from your home, became an even more incredible place during the months of September, October, and November. Many trees started to turn the most beautiful shades of yellow and orange, while the thick morning fog made your surroundings feel eerie but welcoming at the same time.

You loved it here. Everything seemed like a perfect fall fairytale you always wanted to be a part of. After years of dreaming and making wishes, you had the absolute perfect home. And it was even more perfect because you got to share it with a man you loved more than life itself.

Despite every little thing that made the two of you so different.

„I was thinking...“ you started carefully, waiting for any reaction from Levi. But when he didn’t stop you, it was probably safe to continue. „That little farm on the other end of the town is opening their pumpkin patch tomorrow.“

„So?“

You smiled a little, walked up to him, and gently rubbed his back. „So... I was thinking we could go pick up a couple of pumpkins. For carving and painting. And I would love to make my own pumpkin puree to use in my bakings.“

„I think you’re forgetting something pretty damn important.“

„No, I’m not. For the first week, they’ll be open until nine in the evening. They give you a flashlight and you can go hunt for the pumpkins in the dark,“ you said excitedly, taking a step closer and kissing Levi behind his left ear.

And that was clearly a mistake.

Before you knew it, he turned around, grabbed your waist, and lifted you up onto the kitchen counter. Leaning closer, his lips gently brushed against the skin on your neck. He took a deep breath, running the tip of his nose along your carotid artery.

„Drink if you need to,“ you whispered, running your hand through his silky black hair. For years now, it has been like this. There was no need for him to ask for permission. Not when you knew, that he would never hurt you. Not intentionally and not on accident either. „I see you fighting it but you don’t have to, Levi. I trust you.“

He wanted to say something, but instead of that he pressed his lips to your neck again, leaving a soft kiss there. The tips of his fangs very carefully grazed over your skin but he didn’t bite you. Not yet. Instead, his left arm wrapped around your waist pulling you closer to his body.

„I hate to do this, you know that.“

„I know you do, but it’s okay. Really.“

Living with a vampire was not easy. Not now and not when your relationship with Levi was only at its start. You both had to get used to many things. But the hardest thing was not being able to live like other couples did – not being able to go somewhere during the day. So when you and Levi wanted to make any plans outside the house, you had to wait for the sun to set. There still were times when you simply forgot. But Levi was never mad about it. He simply reminded you and helped you change the plans so they were more suitable for him.

„You’ll feel better if you drink some,“ you said after a moment. Levi’s lips stayed in contact with your neck, but he was still holding back.

He took one last breath, kissed your neck again, and then pulled away. You held eye contact for a moment, trying to keep the atmosphere calm. You could still have a pretty and cozy evening. There was no need to dwell on unimportant things.

„Would going to that pumpkin patch make you happy?“ he asked and brushed your lips together for a short moment. „You know I’m not that crazy about similar things.“

„What about in the past? Did you... enjoy stuff like that? In some period of your life?“ You knew Levi walked this earth for many centuries. He lived lives you couldn’t even imagine. But only sometimes was he in the right mood to tell you about his past.

There were still many, many things you didn’t know about your immortal lover. Things Levi didn’t even want you to know. And you simply had to accept that. Living such a long life came with a lot of pain which only people like Levi could truly understand.

„I’m sure we’ll have fun. And if you don’t want to, we won’t be long. I’ll just pick out a couple of pumpkins and we can return home,“ you assured him, gave him one last kiss, and then hopped down from the kitchen counter.

With Levi’s help, you put away the groceries and then started preparing dinner. Cooking was one of your favorite ways to unwind after a long day at work. You could finally relax and be yourself – dance around the kitchen while preparing the ingredients and even sing quietly. Levi disappeared somewhere once again, but he came back when the roasted tomato soup with grilled cheese was done.

Vampires didn’t have to eat, not in the ways humans do. But that didn’t mean that they couldn’t enjoy some delicious food. Levi loved it when you cooked or baked absolutely everything. He was willing to try out any dish and never forgot to compliment your skills.

Finding out that your boyfriend is a vampire was a huge shock, but you didn’t even think about breaking up with him. Not for a single second. Mainly because you saw, that Levi couldn’t imagine leaving your side, either. He knew, that falling in love with a mortal could hurt him greatly, he experienced it before, but he put those thoughts aside for now. The love that he felt for you was stronger than fear.

„I’ll come back tomorrow and we can go to that pumpkin patch,“ Levi said when the two of you finished washing the dishes.

„You won’t stay the night?“ He shook his head and handed you the last plate that needed to be put away. „Don’t run away from me, please. You don’t have to do it.“

„I do because I hate drinking your blood.“

„Is it not sweet enough for you?“ When he growled at you, there was no point in trying to tell more jokes. This was simply not the night for that. „It’s up to you, Levi. Go if you need to, but if you want to come back during the night, you can. You can always come back here.“ He nodded in silence and wrapped one arm around your waist from behind. For a moment, you were waiting to feel the familiar pain in your neck. But that pain didn’t come. The only thing you felt was a sweet loving kiss before Levi grabbed his leather jacket and headed for the door.

The evening was cold and the wind pretty harsh. It seemed that fall wanted to show its true power and remind you that warm sunny days were long gone. It truly wasn’t the best weather for wandering around the small farm which was owned by a very kind young family. You didn’t really know them, but from what you heard and saw, they seemed to be lovely people.

Maybe that was the reason why so many people came here every year to pick out a couple of pumpkins. Even Levi seemed somewhat relaxed, when he parked the car and the two of you got out. Hand in hand, you walked around for a little while and just enjoyed the atmosphere. Sunset happened an hour ago so it was finally safe for him to enjoy the outside world and the remains of another day.

„You haven’t told me where you spent the night,“ you said, squeezing his hand a little tighter. Both of you carried a little plastic pumpkin which acted as a lantern. The owners of the farm were handing them out to every visitor at the entrance. 

„Wandering around the forest. Like always.“

„Hunting?“

The way he looked away from you was enough for an answer. You weren’t angry, not in the slightest. But you always worried when he decided to disappear. Sometimes just for a couple of hours but sometimes he was gone for many days in a row. It was certain that he would always come back but there still was a tiny little voice in your head, which tried to convince you that he was gone for good.

After all... he could do whatever he wanted. Even after centuries, he had the majority of his life ahead of him. You were just a tiny fraction of his life, one that would be gone in a couple of decades. Most likely.

„Are you sure you’re okay?“ you asked him in a troubled tone while the two of you were headed into the corn maze. It was your last stop of the night before getting the pumpkins and heading home. You’d already walked around the farm grounds, fed the animals, and had a delicious slice of pumpkin pie with hot apple cider.

„I am, stop worrying so much. We came here so you can enjoy your favorite season. So stop paying attention to my every move. You know I hate it.“

„I know, but you also know how much I want you to feel...“

„What?“ Levi asked when you suddenly stayed quiet. But when he saw how you shook your head, he let it be. His fingers very gently grabbed your chin and tilted your head to the side so he had access to your lips for a short kiss.

More than anyone, he knew how you felt about him and how you only wanted the best for your relationship. Always and in every situation. Even if it wasn’t easy. Heavens, it was truly a miracle that he let you so close to him. He was afraid to do so at first. And that was perfectly understandable. Living for such a long time brought pain unimaginable to mortals like you. Despite that, Levi didn’t want to close off his heart. He gave it to you and that was truly the purest act of love and trust.

There were many people walking around and enjoying even such a cold fall evening. Couples like you and Levi, families with kids, or groups of friends. Everybody was here for the same exact reason even though your lives were so different. But surely nobody would ever think that Levi was somehow different from the rest of them. You looked like an ordinary couple in love – holding hands and talking, having fun during a calm festive evening.

„I found a new recipe for a pumpkin pie I would love to try tomorrow,“ you said after a moment of silence between the two of you. In the meantime, you made it to the corn maze which was illuminated by the same plastic pumpkin lanterns all of you carried. They were scattered here and there so there was enough light but also a couple of dark corners.

And that was exactly what Levi wanted and needed. A dark corner where nobody saw him or you. His hand was covering your mouth before you knew it, his body pulling you deeper into the maze, away from the eyes of everybody else. Levi very rarely lost control of himself but when it happened, it always swept you off your feet.

Just like now, when he hid the two of you between the tall corn stalks. His hand kept covering your mouth so you wouldn’t scream out when he brushed your hair away from your neck and sank his fangs into your warm flesh. It was a pain you knew all too well. A pain that made you feel many different things at once. But anger was never one of them. Even fear was almost nonexistent since you trusted Levi with all your heart.

He would never hurt you.

That was a certainty during moments like these. His other hand was firmly wrapped around your waist to keep you close to him during those few short moments. You closed your eyes with a muffled moan and let your body rest against his, just waiting until he had enough.

The tall corn stalks were rustling in the wind all around you, people walking through the maze left and right. But you could barely register them, because all of your senses were focused on Levi.

„I’m so sorry,“ he whispered right after he pulled his sharp fangs out of your neck. His bloodied lips were still hovering just inches above your skin, his breathing a bit shallow. When his eyes met yours, they were still the color of blood. „All those people and everything... it was too overwhelming.“

„Don’t apologize, it’s fine. Nobody saw us and now you’ll feel better.“ You could see the troubled expression on his face and the regrets in his eyes. But you knew that deep down he agreed with your words.

„I would never hurt you,“ he said in a quiet voice and gently kissed the place where he bit you just a moment ago. It always felt a bit sensitive for a few hours after.

„I know that, Levi.“ You ran your fingers through his hair and took a handkerchief out from your coat’s pocket. With one of your hands gently holding his chin, you wiped the remains of blood from his lips. Levi watched you very carefully, his eyes slowly turning back to their original light greyish-blue color. „Don’t get me wrong but you didn’t seem that on edge to me tonight. I thought you were having a good time.“

„I was having a good time and you certainly were too,“ he said, trying to explain the whole situation in a still hushed voice. One of his arms still remained around your waist to keep you steady and close to him. „I put every inch of my mental strength into not ruining this evening. I know how stressed you’ve been lately because of your job. And coming here meant a lot to you.“

„I hate when you pretend for my sake.“

He nodded and rested his forehead against yours. His lips slowly brushed against your mouth in a quick but passionate kiss before he spoke. „I don’t mind doing so if it means you’ll be happy.“

„Levi...“ He interrupted you with another kiss, this time a long one in which his tongue found its way into your mouth. You could still taste the metallic flavor of your own blood on his lips and tongue. His free hand traveled up to the back of your head to hold you close to him, deepening the kiss and showing you just how much he truly loved you.

When he pulled away, you felt slightly breathless and flushed. „I love you,“ he mumbled against your neck once again, kissing the tiny bite marks. Luckily, they never took long to heal.

„That’s nice to hear from someone who’s been alive for so long,“ you teased him a little and wrapped your arms around him, feeling a little dizzy from everything that happened in the span of barely two minutes. „Think it’s time to go home. We both had enough.“

„We still have to pick out those pumpkins you wanted,“ Levi reminded you and made sure that nobody was around before the two of you walked out of the maze. Nobody seemed to notice anything, thankfully.

Levi kept a close eye on you while you picked out four different-sized pumpkins and paid for them before you were even able to get your wallet from your purse. He carried them into the car’s trunk like they weighed nothing at all, before opening the door to the passenger seat for you.

„Are you feeling good?“ he asked when he got into his seat behind the wheel. You nodded silently and leaned over to kiss his cheek for reassurance. „Even if you aren’t, I’ll make you feel good when we get back home.“

You could feel the heat rising up to your cheeks and your heart starting to race when he flashed you a rare grin, baring his fangs just a tiny bit.

[stillsaltyaboutmcr]

I will always be here-J.S Part 4

PART 4 WOOO

Find parts 1-3 HERE

Warnings: cursing, pregnancy, jake being adorable and so excited, i’m gonna mess with your feelings a bit

also edit: i forgot my taglist!!!

soooo: @emma8895eb @archetypesoflife @sarahjoestewy-blog @gizmodear

Enjoy!!

You were now 5 months into your pregnancy, officially dating Jake and fully moved in with him. Things were going smooth with your pregnancy. Rooster had been leaving you both alone since the Uranium mission, not having run into him either. 

Jake had been an amazing partner throughout all this. His daily checklist consisted of nothing but taking care of you. He was really a dream come true for you.

You still remember the fear you had when you told Rooster. You feared your child would have no father, and you didn’t want to this alone.

You were currently sitting on the couch, planning your baby shower. You had an envelope containing the gender of your little one and had given it to Phoenix so you and Jake could be surprised. You both had decided to do the shower and gender a ways into your pregnancy so that your bump was very noticeable in the pictures.

All the invites were sent out and it was tomorrow so you were on Facetime with Phoenix to double check everything was ready and it would all go as smooth as possible. To say you were over the moon was an understatement. You couldn’t wait to see if you have a little girl or a little boy. You had baby names lined up for years now, you just hadn’t thought you’d use them so soon.

“Yeah, I have them here. I have everything, stop worrying. Would I let you down??” Phoenix laughed at your constant questions about the decorations and cake.

“I’m sorry, I just want everything to work out. I feel like everything has been going too smooth. I’m waiting for something bad to happen.” She shot you a smile over the camera.

“I know hun, but I got this! All you have to do is show your pretty face and that adorable baby bump.” As you were about to thank her, Jake walked in the door. “Don’t worry, I heard the door. You go enjoy your evening okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.” She smiled and you said your goodbyes.

“Hey honey, how was your day?” Jake came over as you set your phone down, kissing you softly.

“I finally had the energy to to get groceries, then I came home and fell asleep.” You grimaced at how bad that sounded out loud. You weren’t real productive, this last couple weeks had kicked your ass. You weren’t even halfway through yet.

“Hey, that sounds like a good day! Why don’t I start cooking while you find us something to watch?” Jake smiled as he started undoing the buttons of his uniform, finally relaxing after his long work day.

“Why don’t I cook for once? I feel you do so much.” He she’d his button up, leaving him in his trousers and white undershirt. He sighed as he sat down next to you and took your hands in his. You turned to face him as he began to speak.

“Darling, you know I do everything I can to keep you relaxed. I need you to get as much rest as you can, I don’t want any stress on you or the little one you got. I only want the best for you both, and we got a big day tomorrow.” His thumbs were rubbing circles on the tops of your hands.

“I just feel bad, you do everything around here on top of your stressful job. Let me do something, anything.”

He sat there for a minute obviously fake thinking. He dramatically tapped his finger on his chin. You smiled and let out a soft laugh at the gesture. “How about you can cook dinner twice a week okay? We’ll see how it affects you and go from there okay?” You smile at him.

“If that’s what you wish.” He kissed you again before heading upstairs. “Plus I was gonna make my famous shrimp alfredo tonight.” He added in before the rest of him disappeared up the steps. You sat back, thinking about that dish. You’ve craved it like crazy lately and his was by far the best you’ve ever had.

He came back down a few minutes later in pajama pants and some tshirt with a band name etched on it. You stared in awe at him. You find yourself questioning the universe often on how lucky you got with him. He stepped up with no hesitation, helped you move in with him, gave you everything you needed. He was your saving grace and you cherished him.

You loved the way Jake would always lift your belly up to give you some relief, even though it wasn’t the biggest yet. You knew it would get bigger and he’d need to do it more, but you never asked him to. Yet, somehow every night like clockwork he would give you a couple minutes of peace when he did it.

You adored the way he would always text you or call you throughout the day for little check ins. When you didn’t answer due to your frequent naps, he’s leave you the sweetest voicemails. The one you got today was your favorite by far.

“Hello my love, I know you’re asleep right now, so just shoot me a message when you get up. I’m so glad you’re getting well deserved rest. You deserve every bit of it with all the work you’re doing of carrying a child. I’m so proud of you. You’re going to be such a great mother and I can’t wait to be apart of the little ones life. I’m so ready to be a dad, and I’m so glad I met you. You’re the love of my life and I’m so excited to spend the rest of my life with you. Sleep well darling, rest up.”

When you woke up to that, you were almost in tears, but you blamed your hysteria on the pregnancy hormones.

You really didn’t know what you’d do without him, where you’d be if he hadn’t of stepped up.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Jake broke you out of your thoughts as he took your hands and pulled you off the couch. He pulled you to him and out his hands on your belly.

“Just how lucky I am.” He kissed your forehead before he got on his knees. He kissed your growing belly before speaking to the child you were about to find out the gender of.

“Hey bug, tomorrow we find out if you’re a boy or girl! I hope you’re treating your mom good and not giving her too much trouble while I’m at work. I love you and I can’t wait to meet you.” He kissed the same spot again before coming back up to your face. He did this every night before dinner. It was his routine.

You really loved him.

——

The morning of the shower went off without a hitch. You and Jake were about to head out, all dressed up and matching.

You had picked out this adorable body on dress in this pastel yellow to match your ‘What will it Bee’ theme to your shower. Jake saw the dress and immediately went out to find a yellow button up in that same color. He paired them with khakis to match your sandals. It was really cheesy, but you found it adorable that he so eagerly wanted to match like this.

On arrival to Phoenix’s house, everyone was already gathered in the backyard as they all shouted “congratulations!!” to you and Jake. All of your closest friends were there. Everything looked amazing and then you saw the cake.

It was more than you were hoping for. Whoever she chose for the bakery, they deserve a 5 star rating. Inside that cake contained the gender of your baby.

You couldn’t believe this moment was here.

“Let’s go socialize!” Jake grabbed your hand as you both made your rounds.

You both went around to each and every guest saying your thanks and hellos. Each guest had their own guess of girl or boy. The majority was boy right now.

You knew Jake most likely wanted a boy so he could do the same things his dad did with him. He could play rough and get dirty and maybe follow in his parents’ footsteps and be a fighter pilot in the Navy.

Mostly, Jake wanted a son to carry on the Seresin name. At least that’s what he told everybody.

You knew deep down though, in his heart, he didn’t want a boy. You knew that a girl was his true desire. He wanted a little baby girl to spoil and treat right. He wanted to have a girl so he could set an example of how she deserves to be treated, and he knew she could follow in our footsteps to be a fighter pilot as well.

He wanted a daughter so she could take after me.

It had been awhile and you saw Phoenix heading your way through the crowd to start the cake cutting. That was until Jake squeezed your arm, taking your attention towards the back patio door where Rooster stood with a little bag in hand. He smiled and walked up to you. You hadn’t seen him since his injury.

“Hey, congratulations again. This is for you. I don’t really know what to get someone who’s inspecting, so it’s nothing big.” With that he handed you the small bag and walked away. You stared at him as he walked off to talk to Bob. You didn’t know what to think or how to feel seeing him. It felt weird to be at a baby shower and not be celebrating with the man who helped create the child.

“You okay?” Jake voice broke through.

“Uh, yeah.” You looked down at the small silver bag, opening it up, you pulled out a little onesie that was obviously custom ordered.

It was a small white onesie, big bold print on it stating “My mom is a badass fighter pilot”. You held it in your hands, tears prickling your eyes. Maybe Rooster did have a change of heart. Maybe what he said in the medbay was true. You knew you couldn’t just get back with him and leave Jake, but maybe you could at least let him come see the baby once in awhile. He is the biological father anyways.

“What is it?” Jake took it and when he saw it, his face went white.

“It’s sweet Jake.” You watched his expression carefully as you saw his expression turn into something you couldn’t read.

“Yeah, it is.” He bit his bottom lip as he stared down at it, taking in a deep breath. He opened his mouth again, but Phoenix interrupted telling us it’s gender time.

You both stood behind the small table set up with the cake containing the gender you’ve been so anxious to find out. You and Jake held the knife together, facing everyone. “On 3?” you whispered.

“On 3. 1,2,3…” You both cut into the cake, slowly taking the piece out and there it was.

You broke out into tears, and Jake immediately toon you into his arms, tears coming from his eyes too.

Everyone was cheering, and you were overcome with joy.

You looked at the cake again, then up to Jake. “How do you feel?” You said, quiet enough for you both to hear. You quickly looked around at the party, watching everyone beam with pride for you both, but Rooster caught your eye. He was clapping, smiling and…crying. Rooster was crying.

Jake put his hand on your arm and he wiped one of his tears. “I’m esctastic! We’re having a baby girl! I’m gonna be a girl dad!” His voice was breaking, but he was beaming.

You were having a little baby girl.

[zephfair]

Hello? Anyone still here?

Hey, who disappeared for months and has desperately missed all her little friends who live on this hell-site but has been too exhausted and overwhelmed to actually login ... and who lost track of where this sentence was going ... Yeah, this girl.🤗

But, wow, have I missed you all and all the beauty that is Tumblr, and I hope you'll forgive me for secreting myself away since--holy cow--January.

Quick life update behind the cut.

So, I knew going back to work full-time at my age after quite a long unintended break AND now having health disabilities, well, I knew it would be hard. I knew I would have to adjust my whole, entire life. I expected it to be incredibly difficult, and I fully planned to give myself some grace and time in having to change my every routine.

But somehow, I still underestimated it.

I am so thankful to have a job now, with a steady (if small) income and benefits that frankly make me want to weep with thanks. I mean, I don't have time to go to the doctor, but at least now I could afford to go, if I could get there.

But wow, work is tough. Not just the literal work but, as I said, changing my entire life around it. I'm not complaining, but I am doing my best to learn all new skills (job is not in my old field), relearn how to work and reschedule my own needs and just upend everything.

The absolute worst thing has been trying to take care of my aunt. I was to leave town on Jan. 7 to start my training on Jan. 8.

My 90-year-old aunt fell and broke her pelvis (and a finger and needed some stitches) Jan. 2. I spent every waking hour with her over the rest of that week. While I'd planned to spend that week cleaning my house, getting my business in order and just resting, I was freaking out and traveling through the snow and literally worried sick about her.

It was bad.

And I couldn't stay with her like I did when she broke her hip because I had to attend training full-time. At least they let us come home super-early from that first on-site week of training, but that led to a literal nightmare of a drive home one night through snow, ice, rain, flooding and fog that I'm not joking I've had nightmares about before and now since. Long story.

So, I spent January and February training and working 9 hours a day then spending all day Saturday at her place cleaning and doing laundry and making sure she had everything she needed for a week, and then I had Sunday to do my own laundry and clean the house and take care of my own things...which just keep getting pushed back because I'm too worn out.

Thank God, Aunt made a miraculous recovery and now is doing her own house and laundry etc. but I still go out one day a weekend and do anything else she needs and make sure she has all her groceries and supplies and stuff.

We're all each other has.

Needless to say, I haven't been taking care of myself. I don't sleep well anyway, but add the stress of the new job and my dear aunt and my own health issues, and I'm exhausted. Weary. Overwhelmed and just so very tired. My body is so heavy, I can barely move anymore. It's bad.

And when I finally got to my doctor two weeks ago for my long-delayed check-up, found out I was right about my blood pressure being sky-high again. It went high for the first time several years ago when my Mom was dying, but it eventually settled and was fine. But yeah, it's bad again now. No shock there. And all my lovely chronic health conditions have flared which was no surprise--again, I had braced myself to expect it and power through it, and that's what I'm doing. But it sucks. And it's hard. And there's so much pain.

I don't want to say much about my job, but the over-arching Praise the Lord wonderful thing about it is working from home. There have been so many days already that I never would've been able to get to an office to work, but I can push through it here because I don't have to use any spoons to get myself "ready" (sweatshirts and leggings, no personal grooming necessary, yay), and I don't have any anxiety about driving because zero commute. It has its challenges too because Teams is a weird office communication alternative to get used to, but on the good side, I don't have to deal with interpersonal drama from co-workers.

The work itself is challenging, but I have some days where I finally feel quietly competent and think, Oh, I can actually do this. And then there are some days that leave me in tears and praying for help because it's just too hard. But there's no way I'm quitting; they're going to have to fire me because did I mention the benefits are incredible? I mean, I live in the US and if you knew how much I had to pay last year for my own health insurance, and then the scope and biopsies and then the skin cancer and surgery and then the other skin pre-cancer biopsy and treatment. Yeah, I'm still in big debt from all of that.

So I keep praying that they keep me and that I'll do a good job. And my immediate supervisor has started piling extra work on me over the past 3 weeks so suddenly I'm doing my own stuff AND cleaning up the work from co-workers who aren't keeping up. And all of them have been working since October while just a handful of us began in January?

I have been complaining about this to my aunt, and I thought it meant that my supervisor thinks I'm incapable or is punishing me for trying to get through own my entire workload every single day. But she believes he's giving me all their shit work because I'll actually do it, and I admit, I have gotten some of it completed successfully after they'd given up on it. So, I don't know.

I know that I'm a perfectionist and I've always pushed myself as hard as possible to do my best at work (not at housework and other things in my life lols) but I really hope that it gets me a good reputation at this job and they keep me.

So yeah, that's what's going on here. I've completely abandoned the fandom things in life that I actually enjoy. I almost feel, like, guilty when I'd think about trying to make some time to browse Tumblr or wasting time on social media or even trying to write fic. I get done with work at 6:30 pm, and until I get something to eat and then clean up, it's 8 or 8:30. I have to spend about an hour on the phone with Aunt (and I call her every morning, break, and lunch time too). By then, I can barely walk or move so I just try to make it upstairs to bed. Even though I can't sleep, it just feels nice to lie down.

But I miss all of you. And I miss fandom fun. And I want to be around more because maybe it would recharge me rather than me feeling so freaking overwhelmed every minute of the day.

And I promise not to complain and bitch all the time, now that I've gotten it out of my system. But thanks for listening.

I do miss you, and I love you all.

PLEASE let me know if I've missed anything important in your lives and goings on here! I've got A LOT of catching up to do!

[poupeesdecirque]

General Update

Just a heads up, I mainly write for those who got snippets the last days and are maybe (quite) concerned and worried about me.

So, the last few weeks at work have been literal hell.

More under the cut, this gets long.

This week especially, we worked with 6 people understaffed (out of 16, might be not that bad if you work in an office but if you work with humans, especially children/toddlers even it's... difficult), I won't get much into detail but weeks we have the bi-weekly meeting mondays before work mess me up already but then 3 more people calling in sick made everything worse. It didn't help that my annual employee-feedback talk was coming up on wednesday and that turns me into a pile of anxiety of its own.

The tuesday in before had me crying in the bathroom at work after just 1,5 hours of a 8+ hour day without real lunch break (just fyi last summer I went down with hours to be less stressed... I got in more than two days worth of work in overtime the last month). I work there for 10 years and this is the 2nd time I cried and this time it was just because of the pure stress. I won't go into detail here but I went beyond my limit so often the last weeks I am merely a shell and just do creative things to cope somehow.

The annual talk went .... good. No, good is an understatement, it was one of the best I had, there is basically zero critique on how I work, boss is very satisfied and the only thing is that I am told to tell my coworkers when their decisions stress me. haha. yeah.

Then there is our street... it's a construction site since February but now the whole thing is closed down, last week I almost didn't manage to get to work bc they closed down another road and I had no way to get through left q_q...

The work week was just 3 days (luckily) and we went into a long weekend bc of the public holiday. I decided to take the thursday slow but, yeah I know it better, the point here is when you go from 200% to maybe 10% your mind will crash and that's what I got.

I am so under stress my body has no idea where to put it and tries everything, I can't sleep well, just for a few hours and then I am wide awake.

Aside that I am basically done with the redraw project which took me almost a year, then my fic 'Warmth' is done too, it's just one final scene and that's the epilogue with the final conclusion, I have been working on this for 2,5 years now and it's part of my evening routine.. the redraws are part of my morning routine... I changed a few more things and well I managed to mess up my entire routine but I NEED IT TO FUNCTION.

I felt it coming but well.. you guessed it right, depression hit me hard on friday evening (I have seasonal depression, it gets worse the longer the days become, higher temperatures are often enough to trigger it, then the lack of sleep, two big projects ending, etc) and yesterday before the con I didn't even want to go there despite the Con being the only thing keeping me going the whole week.

I'm exhausted, tired but sleeping doesn't work as my body is "I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT THE STRESS". I am really mean towards myself and I am trying hard not to be an ass and we don't talk about the fact that I need days to like... put away the laundry, put groceries into the cabinets or have crafting materials scattered around everywhere. It's just a real mess in here.

Overall I just... pour energy into crafts bc I have no idea where to put it. I would love to just go for a good old inline skate round but I don't want to carry my skates through the landscape for 10 minuted bc we have no streets q_q;

I know I stacked on a lot and less would be better (heck I challenged myself to cook more variety again and ofc I got competitive with myself but went out of my comfort zone and then wasn't able to estimate things anymore... if you know me closer you know what that means), but right now it's about finding the balance here as when i do nothing it just ... gets worse.

Concluding this means I am on a tightrope with things and there is not much needed to make me fall (again). I have projects to work on, but I get too invested and then overdo it which means ~ more stress~ ... good thing I can't work on Lenalee unless the new zippers arrive and sewing in general is not really appealing to me.

But I prepped everything for sewing for her and Maple, I have cut parts for the Allen Clown Cosplay, even started the buttons (& remade those already bc first attempt left me unsatisfied), I made the cover for the next fic update but I don't want to post everything at once.

Don't forget the situation at work made me an expert in how to get a lot of shit done in very little time and to use every minute I have to get the most results out of the time I have. Slowing down is a real issue I have to learn.

This entry doesn't make much sense but if you have read until here just know I thank you for your attention. This month is mainly DGM themed everything as the series turns 20. I have photos with OC dolls queued up and once I have the mind for more sewing I will work on Maple.

There is cosplay progress from a while ago, cosplay photos, drawings, lots of doll progress from Kanda to come and in general some very pretty photos I am found of.

Oh and the travel blog regarding the HanaCon is written I will post it soon, maybe not today bc it's enough already.