#i haven't even seen the full thing yet

[graciousdragon]

honestly i'm really glad i only just found out about the panic! at the disco live in denver show last night because i really should've known about it in middle school but if i had i know i would've been the most insufferable person ever about it

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[quirkle2]

who wants zombie au writing. don't answer that ur getting it anyway (1.6k words)

His shoes knock against the old flooring of the house, wood creaking under rubber soles that slide over the woodgrain. He drags them a bit, lifts his limbs up no more than he strictly has to, and they lead him to the nearest sittable surface.

The couch is old and dusty and has likely gone untouched for months, much like everything else nowadays, so he watches the thin cloud of dust billow off the cushions largely with disinterest. He collapses into the fabric heavily, feels the whole thing scoot back an inch and hit the wall behind him. The sound echoes, carried by lifeless rooms, while he unceremoniously drops his backpack to the floor by his feet.

The breath he lets out is slow and methodical and born of pent up muscles, aimed at the ceiling where he rests his neck against the back of the couch and relaxes every limb one by one. It’s a process he forces himself through, if only to rid the constant ache beneath his skin.

Slow, sweeping footsteps meander around the room in front of him, and Ritsu angles his gaze down from his craned back position to look at his brother. He wanders, like he so often does—seemingly aimless, but there’s something procedural about it that he’s convinced he just hasn’t figured out yet.

Shigeo’s empty eyes crawl along the hearth of the fireplace, explosions of ash sprayed out across the red brick. His head tilts up to trace his attention around the angular lines of the television, hung on the wall and screen grey with dust. He flits back and forth between the roundness of the bricked mantle and the sharp edges of the screen, like he’s taking notes.

Shigeo paws the television. Four lines of muck are cleared. The zombie blinks, paws at it again with dusty, curious fingers. Ritsu watches him make a mess of the television screen in silence, blinking tiredly.

He almost closes his eyes, but he fights against the urge and moves his fingers down his lap to reach for his bag. His middle hooks around the loop at the top and he lugs it up and into his lap, where he unzips it and peers into the shadowy contents.

Ritsu fishes out the water bottles. He finds the one with the messy R scribbled along the cap in sharpie and takes a big swig of it. It’s warm going down, constantly insulated in a bag of old, sweaty clothes. He feels like he can taste the odor in it, but it clears the grain in his throat from stomping all over dirt roads today, so he’s still grateful.

He holds out the one labeled S to Shigeo. “Thirsty?”

Shigeo looks at him from where he’s crouched down to the floor now, inspecting the soot along the hearth. Unfortunately, he sees handprints in the black already, and when his brother reaches a hand out to take it, his palm is covered in soot.

He lets him have his fun and settles his own bottle back in the mess of tangled clothes and rolls of bandages. Ritsu rakes his fingers through their stock with no real purpose—he knows exactly what’s in here, and none of it is useful.

They’d been searching all day; Ritsu doesn’t really know how far they’d walked, but it had to be a lot of miles. In and out of stores, up and down empty houses, weaving between warehouses—they didn’t really stop for a break. Not when Ritsu can hear Shigeo’s stomach from here and he himself has shaking hands. They can’t afford a break.

Nothing, though. Not a single goddamn thing worth taking. A settlement must have come through here long ago and swept the highway. They’re in the countryside, where houses are spaced out acres from each other and there’s entire cow pastures between properties. And yet every house they’d seen and entered provided nothing.

Ritsu stares into the negative space in his bag where there should be supplies. His stomach cramps and if he smells another whiff of that godawful sweaty, bloody sweatshirt he still carries, he’s going to throw up bile.

He leans away from the open pouch, eyes wandering to his brother who draws… something into the soot of the hearth. His water bottle sits on the floor, abandoned and still unscrewed. Ritsu leans forward with great effort and a grunt, leaning over his bag to grab at the top of it.

It takes him two tries to get Shigeo’s attention, and one more for an answer on where the cap is. It’s then placed in his palm, covered in soot and also saliva. Ritsu swallows down the nausea that rolls up his throat and wipes it off with his frankly already disgusting sleeve, and screws it back on.

He leans back again, succumbing to the urge to let his eyes rest, and he listens to the very subtle swipe of his brother’s hands across brick. There’s birds outside, chirping, and even though it’s still very much a common occurrence, Ritsu cannot help but feel nostalgic about it.

If he ignores the awful hum of silence, and the distinct lack of an electric thrum throughout the walls, and the fact that this is a stranger’s couch and not his, he can almost imagine normalcy. He can almost say this feels like those quiet moments after school, when he settles on the couch and scrolls through his phone in a house that only holds him and his brother because their parents simply aren’t home yet.

He can almost hear the creak of wood from Shigeo walking around his room upstairs. He can almost tap his fingers on the couch cushions to the pattern of his brother making his way down the steps. He can almost hear the fridge opening, and the sound of milk being poured into glass.

Almost. But Ritsu listens to sharp silence instead, and he tries not to think too hard.

He drifts for a while, feels himself truly sink into the couch and let the cushions claim him, and he thinks about nothings because if he doesn’t, then he’ll lose it. He carefully sifts through the nothingness of his mind, through the passing thoughts that have no bearing, and he focuses on that, on the lack of substance. His head is too full of things that have too much substance.

He misses boredom. He tells himself he misses boredom—the complete insubstantiality of it—because if he lets himself think of what he really misses, it’ll drive him insane.

The cushions move, and Ritsu peels his eyes open and lets himself get pulled from liminal mindspace. The cotton in his head recedes, and he blinks, and then he’s swiveling his head to look at his brother who sits in the cushion right next to him.

His hands and the cuffs of his hoodie are smothered in black. Shigeo sits hunched, gaze still wandering even when there’s not much decoration in this house to look at. He studies the off-white walls, the chips in the paint, the holes drilled in where there maybe used to be photos hung.

Ritsu gazes at him quietly, chest instinctively rising and falling to match his brother’s rhythm. He watches the expansion there, under his hoodie, in the subtlety of the folds and the way they warp over the movement. It’s slightly quicker than what he’s used to, but Ritsu knows his brother’s heart rate is much slower. He’s felt it before. He’s listened to it before, with his ear against a chest.

Ritsu’s attention moves to his eyes, and the heavy bags underneath them, and the paleness of his pupils and the ghostlight of him underneath that. He stares into them, looks for stray, familiar thoughts that might enter his head. Looks for old memories that might shine through in the form of recognition when he sees furniture layouts, and candy wrappers, and ads for soda.

Ritsu looks for it all the time, that glint of familiarity. And he finds it, sometimes. And really, he thinks that’s keeping him going more than food ever will.

Shigeo turns his head, and looks at him. Sometimes, when his brother looks at him, there’s not much there. No substance, no anything. And Ritsu finds it a bit evil that he craves silence in his own head, and yet noise in Shigeo’s, and often times it is the other way around.

His brother looks at him now, though, with that comforting recognition. That growth of the pupils, that softening of the hard edges of his face where unknown stressors have gotten to him. Ritsu wonders what zombies get stressed out. He figures it’s the same deal with humans, considering they’re largely alike.

Ritsu wonders if Shigeo knows he’s sick. He wishes he could ask him. He wishes for a lot of things. Silence in his own head is one of them.

Ritsu swivels his head away and stares at the ceiling, if only to force the thoughts to pause. He studies the popcorn ridges above them, traces the peaks with his gaze. It calms him, gives him something to focus on. He looks for patterns in the shadows they make.

Shigeo shifts next to him. And then he shimmies down, settles into the cushions, and plops his head right down on Ritsu’s shoulder.

Static roars in his mind and his heart stammers. Ritsu swallows the lump in his throat but that just makes it bigger, so he clamps his mouth shut and breathes carefully through his nose.

The tears cut through the grime on his face. He plops his own head down against his brother’s, and lives in the noise.

[screambirdscreaming]

At the bus stop one time there was a gaggle of preschoolers waiting to catch the bus for a field trip day, and someone walked past with a couple of friendly little dogs, to great general delight.

But after a little bit, the dogs were getting overwhelmed, and the preschoolers were gently coaxed to back off so the person with the dogs could continue on. Specifically, one of the preschool teachers said, "Sometimes, when you're small, being surrounded by big people can be a bit scary and overwhelming. Even if they are friendly."

This was recieved as great wisdom: after all, the preschoolers were also small, and understood how scary and overwhelming big people could be! And the dogs were indeed even smaller than the preschoolers, so it made sense.

What was funny and charming was that, upon absorbing and reflecting on this wisdom, they all felt the need to tell it to one another. In tones of great insight, they turned to one another and said, "Did you know? Sometimes when you are small, being surrounded by big people can be scary and overwhelming! Even if they are friendly!" Back and forth, without any particular concern that they were all saying the same thing. Have reached comprehension of an insight, it must be shared!

I must say that this behavior is less charming in tumblr users than in preschoolers. Not least because tumblr users, having gained a little analytical skill to misuse, insist on Summarizing and Generalizing and Unifying the insights they repeat, quickly turning any interesting new information into formulaic dogmatic mush.

[perilegs]

let's have some fun

[llycaons]

the hospital I work at sent out this alert - where I am is 90% coverage. it's not recommended to look directly at the eclipse without appropriate eyewear even within the zone of full coverage. PLEASE everyone err on the side of caution and and protect your eyes!

[inbarfink]

When talking about the distinction between Simon Petrikov and the Ice King,  it’s important to remember that originally, the Crown wasn’t trying to turn Simon into Ice King -

It was trying to turn him into this guy.

At the time, the Ice Crown - or rather the Wishing Crown - was programmed with Gunther’s wish to become Evergreen. So everything related to making the current wearer like Evergreen is a very direct result of the Crown’s Magic. The physical changes -

And the obsession with the name ‘Gunther’ -

And maybe some of the irritability and anger issues -

That is something the Crown is very directly forcing unto its current wielder. 

But everything else?

Ice King, personality-wise, was not much like Evergreen at all, or even like Gunther's view of him. And Ice Finn of the Farmworld Universe was also pretty different from the both of them.

At the time, I remember people assumed Ice Finn’s behavior is more indicative of what the Crown is actually trying to do with its wielders. That Ice King is so different because of Simon’s subconscious resistance against the Crown - while Finn’s much younger and dumber brain is a lot susceptible to the Curse’s influence to become some sort of mad world-conquering emperor of ice and snow. 

But, with the context of the Crown’s actual backstory. That doesn’t seem very likely anymore. I think what’s actually happening there is that the Crown is just trying to make its wielder an Ice Wizard on par with Evergreen (who was the Actual Goddam Ice Elemental) and that means pumping the wielder’s brain so full of Magic, Madness and Sadness to a level that is bound to overwhelm anyone.

And Simon’s and Farmworld Finn’s very different behaviors after putting on the crown is indicative, more than anything, of how their psyche reacts to Madness and Sadness in general. You know, Finn has a very proactive and kinda aggressive personality - and you add Crown-induced-Madness-and-Sadness and a compulsion to use Ice Magic as much as possible and you get all of…. this 

Meanwhile, for Simon, the compulsions of the Crown originally filtered exclusively via the language of protection 

As his madness always manifested as romantic obsession 

And using goofy humor to try and deny the pain he’s going through 

Because that’s how Simon’s mind specifically reacts to being flooded with so much Madness and Sadness.

That’s why there’s so many parallels between Ice King and the sort of mistakes and screwed-up stuff Simon does right now! He’s even kidnapping people again!

Because the Madness and Sadness of Ice King might’ve been induced by the Crown, but now Simon has plenty of personal home-grown Madness and Sadness inside him - and it’s no surprise that Curse-Induced or not, his mind reacts to it in a sorta-similar way. (Although obviously not as intensely, again, there was a LOT of MMS in the Ice Crown).

Now as for Ice Thing, and the fact that he seems to be actually rather well-adjusted under effects of his version of the Wishing Crown. I mean... not by the time of the 1000+ Era, but that’s literally eons in the future and also maybe more Gibbon’s fault. Even if the Crown will eventually take some sort of toll on him, for now he seems to be doing pretty well considering his wish. I mean, there's still some sort of Loss of Identity stuff going on

But everything we've seen of Ice Thing (in the present day, at least) shows him as a friendly and cheerful individual that gets along well with others. A far cry from how maladjusted every single wielder of the Ice Crown acted.

At the very least, if there's any notable amount of Sadness in him, we really haven't seen it yet.

There might be several factors here:

First things first, I should acknowledge the possibility that it’s just that Orgalorg’s eldritch brain is better at intaking all that MMS juice. That could play a part, but I think it’s probably more important, at least thematically, to look at the distinction between ‘I wish to be Evergreen’ and ‘I wish to be Ice King’. 

First in the sense that while Ice King was occasionally mean to Gunter at times - he was generally much kinder than Evergreen ever was for ‘his’ Gunther. So, like, pretty much the one Personality Flaw of Ice King that you can directly link to the Ice Crown’s attempt to mimic Evergreen is the occasional anger issues.

And how they relate to Gunther’s view of Evergreen, so grumpy and controlling and constantly saying ‘NO!’

(Both Finn and Simon’s demonstrable not-crown-induced trauma responses can make them pretty short-tempered as well. So I’m not going to say this is purely the effects of the Crown. It still probably plays some sort of factor at why the wielder of the Ice Crown is Like That).

And that is not a factor in how Gunter views Ice King. For him, Ice King was a doting and loving father figure - so if the Crown was ever trying to implement any sort of specific negative personality traits, this is absolutely no longer a factor. Because the original Ice Crown was a reflection of Evergreen’s abuse, and now Ice Thing is a reflection of Ice King’s fatherly love.

Which is, itself, probably an echo or remnant of Simon’s own strong parental instincts. 

Secondly, while the Crown was trying to make the Ice King just as powerful as Evergreen…. Ice King was obviously not as powerful as Evergreen. Because he was already a second-rate copy of the Ice Elemental’s power, and because Ice King was often just too doofy to use his powers correctly and probably because some remnant of Simon’s original sensible self is subconsciously holding his powers back.

Either way, being ‘like Ice King’ as Gunter sees him requires less Magic than being ‘like Evergreen’ as Gunther saw him - and therefore less Madness and Sadness. Leading to the wearer or, um, the eater being a lot more well-adjusted from the get-go.

And I think that the implication that Ice Thing has fused with the Crown, so there's never going to be another poor sap who puts on the Crown and gets Ice King'd. But if there is one somehow... at least the process is going to be less mentally detrimental that time around?

Maybe one day Simon could look back and appreciate how much he (or Ice King, or both of them, or however you want to look at the situation) is responsible for basically neutralizing the Crown that ruined his life in the first place.

[dr-spectre]

I find it quite odd that no one has talked about the dialogue exchange of Pearl and Marina when they get Callie's palette in Side Order.

I like how this small 3 line exchange shows that Callie is so optimistic and positive that her friends can't even imagine her not doing well, but also.... they don't know what happened to her during the events of Splatoon 2. They just thought she went missing and came back... they have no idea what really happened which is... kinda sad to be honest. Only Marie truly knew what happened to Callie and maybe Agent 4 but they probably didn't get told the full story by Callie or Marie.

It's like Callie is hiding things from her friends and family, she even hints at this during ROTM.

Callie does seem to have mental health issues as shown with the Squid Sister Stories, the Splatoon 2 art book which talks about her busy schedule and of course the main story of Splatoon 2 where Callie joins with the Octarians to escape her life as a celebrity. While she shows zero resentment towards the Octarians due to willingly joining them during a rough mental health period (and her dialogue shows that too), then reuniting with Marie, changing her schedule so they can better be in each other's lives, and she seems to be a lot happier and energetic than ever before, she's probably still hiding some things and the cracks haven't fully healed yet.

Whether they'll actually follow up on this or leave it in the dust and do nothing with Callie remains to be seen. I just hope her friends and Marie are taking care of her...

[myfandomrealitea]

I know there's a lot of advice for handling things like depression and its so fucking easy for people to say "just do this and you'll feel better!" and I hate that, I fucking despise it, but I'm also gonna throw in my two cents about what is personally helping me get out of bed some days and genuinely, not kill myself.

Its taking care of nature.

Seriously. It sounds stupid and some days it feels stupid, but I put up bird feeders because I live in a semi-rural area where human activity is decimating the local bird population and options for safe feeding. So I put up bird feeders. And now I have like 83 different birds flocking to my garden on the daily and screaming at my window if the feeders are empty. And I've seen generations of baby birds brought to my garden by their parents because this is where the food is.

And I researched what plants and flowers were native to my area and I spent like $5 on a few different seed packets and sprinkled them around the grass and the sad empty flowerbeds and the lawn because the bees have nothing to eat and that's awful and it turns out wildflowers will fucking GROW the moment you look away, but now every spring and summer my lawn is a pretty little multi-colored bug haven.

And I've even gotten the chance to save a few little bug lives because of it. I've taken in cold-shocked bees and given them a warm little tupperware to recover in. I've fed bugs sugar water to get their energy back to take their food home. I've given dying bugs a sheltered, safe place to spend their last moments.

I planted a veggie garden. And I know I'm very lucky in that I have the space to do that, but also, you can grow a lot of things indoors. My friend has literally the smallest apartment you can imagine but she grows chives in her bathroom and grows five radishes at a time in a pot in the kitchen. Literally five. But it makes her so happy every single time she pulls them up or trots off to the bathroom to snip some chives.

I pick trash up every two weeks. The pick stick was like $4 online and I just put the bag out with my bi-weekly trash pick-up and its disgusting but but nobody else is gonna do it and I've only got finite time on this earth. If nobody else is going to pick up that can, I will. Because some innocent wild animal doesn't deserve to get hurt by human ignorance, and I deserve to walk home and see pretty flourishing nature instead of depressing discarded trash like I feel like most days.

I've left water out for the wildlife and watched hedgehogs, local dogs on their walks, squirrels and all sorts stop by to take a drink, because humans are fucking selfish and we're making something as basic as water so hard to access for anyone but ourselves, but I can fix a little bit of that just by putting out a bowl. Sometimes I don't even have to remember to fill it because the rain will fill it for me, and its kind of like nature's way of saying "you're helping me so I'm going to help you out too." Which is neat.

Like most days I do not want to be living on this earth but my god earth did not get a choice about us living here, and we're ruining it, and it actually feels so good to help stop and un-do a little bit of that destruction.

And you don't even have to try everything I do. If the only thing you've got the spoons to do is buy one bird feeder and you only remember to fill it once a month, its still something. That once a month could mean the difference between starvation and a full belly to a bird.

Again, none of this is obligatory and I'm not saying at all this is some magical cure for depression, but personally these things are things which are helping me slowly find things to keep getting out of bed for and things to feel a sense of self worth and satisfaction over. I feel better both in and about myself when I feed the birds, when I see the bugs in the garden, when I pick up the trash.

If its something you haven't considered yet, it might be worth a try.

[asukiess]

THAT ADRIEN & CLAW SCENE..... that steals my breath honestly. adrien has the courage to face himself--pretty much the most side of him that could have won him over: full of grief and misery and shutting himself up inside and putting up barriers. like that's his vulnerable beauty!! is that adrien claws and digs and tries his BEST to be optimistic, to move forward, to move past all that which could crumble him. we've seen him in kuro neko and jubilation (I think? depression nest adrien you know?) where he succumbs and lays in bed and curls into himself.

and the fact he is looking at Claw through all of this, but looks away right when he says "I can't say I haven't thought about it" because it's shameful! ladybug is his partner and the love of his life and STILL he's thought about different scenarios. probably multiple times. that probably leaves him feeling so guilty for even entertaining the idea. he can admit many things to himself, but this one is hard.

and we know it will STILL plagues him after this, when he talks about the idea directly to ladybug in passion.

and that gentle little nod he gives himself... like yes, our mother. yes, I know every horrible thing that's in your heart because it is mine, too. he's just so gentle with himself, it's so endearing to me. it's a kind of fragile care with yourself when you've had the same conversation over and over again and it's tired and it's a bruise that you keep going back to, checking on it, tending to it, and yet that's just how grief is.

"I'm as well as I can be, anyway" HELLO? I mean we already thought of him as coping in multiple ways, but this means everything to me?? our adrien decides every day to try again, try to be happy as emilie wanted him to be.

(will he always settle? will he always feel there's a baseline? as well as I can be, anyway.....)

this is art, to me. hang this up. core adrien moment for me.

and then I realize that he has ALL this hope for himself, all this acceptance of that hate and grief and sorrow could manifest through him like this...

and then how by the end of s5, he's TERRIFIED of becoming the chat noir in his nightmares.

[eufezco]

BUCKY'S SECOND FIRST TIME

bucky x fem!reader (smut with plot) no use of y/n

All of this... Bucky hadn't had time to think about when it would happen again, he didn't even think it would ever happen again. He didn't even think deserve to have that kind of intimacy with anyone, didn't think that anyone would want to be in that situation with him.

It's been decades and now his head was full of bizarre thoughts. He had nightmares every time he tried to get some sleep, so the idea of spending the night with somebody was completely out of the table. He was witnessing a complete stranger take over his friend's shield and identity. He had not crossed a name off his list of amends for weeks, he had not answered any of Sam's messages and his psychologist was putting more and more pressure on him.

But in all that chaos there was you who always showed him a kind smile, who always asked him how his day was when you saw him come into the bar, exhausted. You who had his favorite drink ready before he arrived and who looked at him with hearty eyes. You thought you were being too obvious but it had been so long since anyone had looked at him that way that he didn't even notice it.

The day he took Sam to your bar was when he realized, and not even on his own. You were thrilled that he finally introduced you to one of his friends (his only friend in fact) and Sam was so funny and he was always picking on Bucky which made their dynamic even more fun to watch. They arrived almost at closing time so it was just the three of you. That night you ended up closing two hours later, inviting them for a few beers and being walked home by the two of them since it was already very late at night.

—Dude, she's so into you —. Sam huffed a laugh while they walked back from your house.

Bucky arched his eyebrows in surprise and then frowned. —What?

—Oh come on, you gonna tell me you haven't noticed?

Bucky was getting more and more confused. —Noticed what?

Sam stopped on his feet and looked at Bucky in surprise. —Steve told me you used to be a heartthrob back in the day.

—Yeah, back in the day. When I was seventy years younger.

Sam rolled his eyes. —Two things. First, as much as I hate to admit it, you don't look a hundred and seven, and second, I can assure you that this girl is head over heels for you. —Bucky was silent, thinking, so Sam spoke again. —Ask her on a date.

So yes, he asked you out on a date. Well, if inviting you to his house for a drink could be considered a date. He didn't like to be seen in public places too much and fancy restaurants didn't go with him, so while he thought of something better for the second date, his house would work for this time. Bucky shook his head as he found himself thinking about a second date.

Bucky always tried to keep everything tidy, clutter annoyed him and made him even grumpier. But now as he let you walk into his house first he realized how empty it was. He barely had any furniture, only one chair, a small sofa, and a TV. He hadn't even bothered to buy a bed because he slept on the floor. He wondered what was going through your head when you saw his home.

—This is nice —. You stated. At first, you didn't realize how empty his apartment was, you were just appreciating that he had trusted you enough to take you to a place as private and intimate as his home. Then you did notice that some things were missing but you assumed that's all he needed.

Bucky was relieved when he heard those three words come out of your mouth.

You noticed how he kept his jacket and gloves on while he took out two glasses to pour you a drink. Whenever he came home the first thing he did was to take those two things off but with you there, it was different yet when he thought about it, he realized that it was fair that you knew and ran away if you wanted to. So when he caught you looking curious, he first got rid of his gloves, and you could already see the metallic fingers of his hand. Then he took off his jacket, revealing how the metal shaped his left arm.

—You're not going to ask about it? —Bucky thought he was getting ahead of you, saving you from the awkward moment of asking about what happened to him. He poured some liquor in the glasses.

—Do you want to be asked about it?

Bucky looked at you and shook his head. You nodded, understanding his decission. You figured he wouldn't want to talk about it, much less on a first date. Your question caught him off guard yet his answer came almost automatically. He didn't want to talk about it and it was the first time he had been given the option of not doing so.

The rest of the night went great. Bucky was very interested in everything you said. He didn't talk much yet you managed to get some information about him. He had a sister, his favorite fruit was plums, he enjoyed 40s music, and he was a cat person. Every time he told you something about himself, no matter how irrelevant it seemed, you found it fascinating.

You noticed that he was very observant, his icy blue eyes never stopped looking at you for a second. You found it cute, intimidating at times not knowing what thoughts went with those long, intense stares. His eyes were beautiful, captivating, so you could tell every time he broke eye contact to divert his gaze to your lips and then back to your eyes.

Each was on one side of his kitchen island, that way you could look at each other's faces while talking. You were leaning more and more on the table that separated you, taking advantage of the moments of laughter to get closer to each other until that way you kissed him.

At first, you felt him a little stiff even though the sigh that he had let out when you had finally kissed his lips told you otherwise. You parted ways. —Is this okay?

Bucky nodded and immediately after, he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours again. It had been so long since he had kissed anyone that he didn't know if his lip movements were being too clumsy, if the clash of his teeth with yours was bothering you, or if his tongue slipping past your lips was okay. He did not know how to control his breathing that's why he let out little moans against your mouth, trying to catch his breath without having to leave your lips.

He felt like a teenager again. The tingling sensation in his lower abdomen made him want to run away and hide but at the same time did not want to part from your lips for anything in the world. He was afraid of the way you made him feel but at the same time he didn't want that feeling to ever go away.

Didn't know how or when but he ended up sitting on his couch with you on his lap. Your lips and his had come into perfect synchrony and the kiss was getting deeper and wetter. Oh God and he wasn't gonna complain. Your hands were pulling from the root of his hair, your hips rolled subtly against his crotch, his right hand was resting on your hips. Bucky felt how his jeans tightened right where you were sitting.

Bucky tried to keep his left arm away from you, holding your body on top of his just using his right one. He was aware that the touch of the metal was not the most pleasant in the world. It wasn't soft, it wasn't warm, it was nothing like a flesh-and-blood hand.

—It's okay. You can touch me, James —. You moaned against his mouth. Yet he was still a bit reluctant to do so.

In the end, you would have to be the one to gently grab his metal arm and guide his hand to your waist. You kept your hand on top of his metal one while pressing down so he could hold you as tight as he was doing with his other hand, also to assure him that it was okay. You moved your hand from him once you felt his metallic fingers carefully close and grip your body. You smiled in the middle of the kiss, the firm grip of both of his hands encouraged you to grind harder against his crotch.

You pulled his t-shirt over his head and allowed your fingers to travel down his abs until you reached the button and zipper on his jeans. Bucky hissed at the sudden contact and held your hips tighter.

—Wait —. Bucky said against your lips. He pulled away and you were afraid that you had done something wrong. All you had to do was pull down the zipper, but your hands immediately stopped what they were doing when he spoke. You ran your tongue over your lower lip, already missing Bucky's, and you noticed how pink and swollen his were. —It's been a long time since I —. He confessed.

—Oh. —You said in a sigh. —We can't stop if you—

—No. I just— I just wanted you to know. —Bucky groaned. —I'm sorry. I've ruined it. —He let his head fall on your shoulder.

You giggled and you brought your hands to his cheeks so that he would raise his head and look at you. —It's okay, James. You've not ruined anything. I'm glad you've told me. —You gave a quick peck to his lips. —I was just saying that if you want to stop or need to slow down I'm okay with that.

—I don't want to stop.

—Good. Me neither.

And Bucky crashed his lips against yours again. You finished what you started and unzipped his jeans while he pulled from the hem of your shirt and threw it away. Bucky cursed and brought his mouth to the skin of your breasts, using his lips to suck and kiss on it and his teeth for small bites. You moaned and pulled harder from his hair, making him groan. His hands wasted no time and right after they were unbuttoning and unzipping your jeans while his mouth left a trail of kisses from your boobs to your neck and collarbone until he reached your mouth again.

Your lifted your hips from his lap so your hand could sneak inside his underwear. Bucky did the same with your panties. Your fingers wrapped around his hard dick and Bucky's found their way to your clit. You moaned and closed your eyes shut when he started rubbing your bundle of nerves and Bucky's lips parted and let out all the air that he had in his lungs when your hand moved painfully slow from the tip of his cock to the base of it.

You pressed your foreheads together. Your thighs closed around his hand but he continued drawing circles on your clit and his mouth reached for your lips again. Bucky's hips thrust into your fist while some of his moans died in your mouth. He felt a wave of heat running through his body and that sweet knot formed in his lower belly.

—I need you inside, please —You whined.

You didn't have to beg anymore. You moved from his lap so you both could get rid of your jeans and underwear. You straddled him again, using your hands on his shoulders for stability when your fingers brushed the scarred skin that connected with the metal of his arm.

You noticed the worried expression on his face. He was looking at you with his eyebrows raised as if he was waiting for a reaction from you. A reaction of disgust. He could feel his chest rise and fall slowly because of his deep breathing and he was wondering what was going on in your head at the time.

You pressed your lips against his one more time, your hands moved to cup both of his cheeks. —It's okay. Just focus on me —. You mumbled into his mouth and he hummed in response.

Without stopping kissing him, your hands began to travel down. First his neck, then his broad shoulders, feeling again those scars he was so insecure about, and then his arms. His right one was strong, with perfectly defined muscles and the softest skin. His left one was cold and hard, not at all unpleasant to the touch. Your lips moving on his kept Bucky from overthinking.

He gasped when you reached his well-defined abdomen. You would have spent the whole night caressing and feeling his body under your fingertips but you were getting impatient. Your fingers wrapped around the base of his cock to line it up at your entrance and gently lowered yourself. Bucky's mouth opened in a perfect "O" form as he gripped your waist tightly. You had to wait a few seconds to get used to the sensation before you started moving, he needed those seconds as well to get used to your tight walls squeezing him.

You started by rolling your hips against his, it was the best way to adjust to his size. Despite how wet you were you could feel that sweet sting caused by his width. You rested your forehead against his, you both were panting when you began to lift your hips and drop them back onto his cock. The sounds that came out of his mouth were music to your ears, the grunts coming directly from his chest made you vibrate.

You hugged him to feel him even closer. Bucky tried to hold on as hard as he could, he kissed your shoulder and softly sank his teeth into your skin there, getting a whine from you, but it was too much. Every time he felt his dick going fully inside you, the knot on his stomach became tighter, every time he heard you moaning his name in his ear he did his best to last a little bit longer but in the end, he found it impossible.

Bucky emptied himself inside you while he dropped his forehead on your shoulder and apologized for coming so quickly. —Don't worry. We have all night —. You played with the hair on the back of his head and allowed him to come back from his high.

And you spent the whole night until you heard the birds chirping. The stamina he had thanks to the super soldier serum was truly something else and he made it up to you until you felt completely disconnected from your own body and Bucky had to snuggle you next to him on the couch to let you sleep.

Bucky didn't sleep that night. He was afraid that if he did, he'd hurt you or scare you with his nightmares so he stayed awake all night, but he didn't mind either. He had his right arm around you and he held you against his body, your head was on his chest as well as one of your hands. He felt the warmth of your naked body against his under the blanket.

[dunmeshistash]

Dungeon Meshi Information Sources

Dungeon Meshi has several worldbuilding details and extra comics in different publications and I think they get pretty hard to keep track of so I wanted to make a guide and explain what is what for people that maybe want to look into it themselves!

The Main Information sources are:

Daydream Hour 2-5: Sketch compilations and extra comics by Ryoko Kui with commentary, which can be found on EH Scans blog translated, and also in mangadex in between the manga chapters (The first daydream hour isn't dungeon meshi related)

The Complete Daydream Hour: Or more specifically "Ryoko Kui Doodle Book Daydream Hour" Released in january 2024 it still hasn't been fully translated into english. This version compiles extras and sketches from daydream hour 1-5 along with new content. Some of the exclusive comics have been translated and can be found on reddit and bato.to but the full thing is yet to be translated.

Delicious in Dungeon World Guide: The Adventurer's Bible (2021): A guide by Ryoko Kui that compiles information about the characters, monsters and the world. An official english version is available. It was released in february 2021 and has information pertinent for up to chapter 71 from the manga. It contains extra comics for all the main characters and for all the human/demi human races. The extras that talk about side character's backstories are from this book and the characters section has been translated by EH Scans (Also on mangadex)

Delicious in Dungeon World Guide: Adventurer's Bible Complete Edition (2024): Released in february 2024 and still untranslated, this version of the Adventurer's Bible has information updated for the end of the manga, there's even more extras and lots of comics about post-canon. Some of them are being translated and posted into reddit but I haven't seen them anywhere else. The raw is available on bato.to

Manga and Ryoko Kui's Blog: Some of it are from the manga itself, like Monster Tidbits and other Harta Magazine Extras (Where dungeon meshi is published) and also from the author's own personal blog. Lots of the drawings in her blog were deleted with the publishing of the complete daydream hour but you can still see what was unpublished using the wayback machine.

Blu-ray: With the release of the second bluray its clear that there will be extra content with each new one, there's "what if" extras and cover art by Ryoko Kui, you can check it the cover and info in the tag here.

I hope this helps somehow! It was pretty confusing for myself when I first started looking for more extras after finishing the manga.

The things I post here are all based on one of these and I try to put in the tags what the source is!

[hanaonesflower]

“let me do this for you.”

“let me get that for you.”

“don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”

when nanami was around, it was like being watched by a hawk. not in a bad way of course, just not a way you're probably used to. he is always on it, taking care of everything from beginning to end, hell bent on you not ever lifting a finger and actually bar you from doing it, even behind his back.

"seriously, kento, I can do it myself!"

"absolutely not, you worked all day, when you come home, I take care of you."

you try to bargain, dishing out facts that he, too, has a full time job that usually pushes him to the brink of exhaustion that he may or may not recover from, yet, here he is, elbows deep in dough, insistent on making pasta from scratch. according to a recipe that you may have briefly mentioned weeks ago that you wanted to try.

you tried to pick up the knife and dice the tomatoes or turn on the stove, he shoos you away.

"this is getting out of control, kento."

"you can help me by taking a nice warm long bath, honey."

nanami knows what he's doing, the majority of the time. but will he ever express that he fumbles from time to time? never. not that his ego is inflated, but because he has prided himself for being to care for you boundlessly.

so when you leave the bath and find kento with his hand in a bucket of ice water, you realize something have gone south in the kitchen.

"kento! what happened?!"

"nothing to worry about my l-"

"enough! tell me, now."

your stern voice and attitude stun him, he's never seen you like this before. his behavior is downright concerning, he hasn't always been this way though. sure, he loves by serving, but he isn't always this stubborn or ridiculously protective. you have always cooked together, why would it be different this time, or the last few times within the past couple of months. nanami isn't unreasonable, but he can be if something pricked at his pride.

"I may have burned myself with the hot steam."

"may have? your skin is having a terrible reaction! for a smart man you can be so clumsy sometimes."

"it's not that bad."

you glare.

"okay, it's pretty burnt and it hurts."

"I bet it does."

you slowly pull his hand out from the ice bucket and lead him to the kitchen table and command him to sit still when you fetch the first aid. his palm is raw from the burn and his face twists in pain when you apply some pressure.

there isn't much conversation exchanged between you and him, but something is definitely hanging above your heads. kento seems to be closed off to it, but you're willing to get to the root of things.

"you haven't been yourself lately."

silence.

"I feel like this is not just about providing for me, something happened, and it affected you."

kento looks saddened by this. you are spot on. something did happen.

a few months ago, during a dinner party amongst friends, kento found himself begrudgingly involved in unpleasant conversations with his colleagues, the way they audaciously questioned his ability to care for his partner when he was always away on work trips or spending extra time at work. he took it to heart, kento questioned himself. he realized, that even though his colleagues were terribly annoying and invasive, they made some considerable points. he made the executive decision to fully take over, spinning a complete 180 on you. at first you thought it was sweet, until it became authoritarian.

"that's really how you feel?"

"have I been absent to you, y/n?"

you contemplate for a while, you truly wish he is around more, but you always understand the nature of his job.

"I do wish I can see you more often, when you had that 2-week long vacation, I was able to spend such amazing quality time with you, and it was awesome, but I also understand how your job is. I didn't want to come in between that."

"so I have been absent." he moaned defeatedly.

"please don't blame it on yourself like this, it's not healthy, I still love you, kento."

"this is all my fault, y/n, I should have been there for you more."

truthfully, you wish he was, but once again, you are both stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"have you been doing all this to somehow compensate?"

"is it working?"

he is trying to humor you, although at quite a horrid time, you still crack a smile.

"I think it's very kind of you."

he sighs.

"please, forgive me, my love. I became what you called a workaholic, I tried to get more hours to provide for you, only to come short in other aspects."

"I'm not an unemployed housewife, kento."

“this isn’t my way of saying that you are incapacitated in any way, i just wish that you didn’t have to worry about anything,” he groaned from the incessant gnawing of the antiseptic on his burnt wound.

“kento, this is a partnership, you’re not my servant and i’m not a spoiled brat,” he felt a little silly, nanami knew this fact yet he felt impotent in this sense. he opened and closed his lips, hoping to get his point across even further but nothing seemed good enough at theis point, he’s done fighting.

“whatever you’re going to say, it’s not going to change the fact that i love you,” you silence him.

“then can i say that i love you, too?”

“that, you can.”

⭒˚‧ ︵‿⭒ཐིཋྀ ཐིཋྀ⭒‿︵ ‧˚⭒ ⭒˚‧ ︵‿⭒ཐིཋྀ ཐིཋྀ⭒‿︵ ‧˚⭒ ⭒˚‧

note: PHEEeewww… it’s really good to be back :33 this piece shall be the redebut as it is one of my cuter fics. going back with smut pieces after such a long hiatus didn’t feel right so – soft nanami is always the way to go!! more content will be coming soon (smut included >.>), stay tuned ( ˘ ³˘)

[tubbytarchia]

Etho doodles in which I let my inner dinosaur nerd take over 😔 and also have no idea how to shade

Get it cause he's old and washed up haha... ok but actual raptor Etho hybrid justification below cut

To be honest the main reason was because I really wanted a hybrid in the mix who wasn't some furry creature and a reptile or amphibian or smth instead. Etho still ended up feathered but whatever it's close enough! But for ACTUAL reasoning:

He does feel damn ancient, like an old deity of the mcyt space that no one can dislike. Dinosaurs are the same!! They're old but still thought of with great fascination and fondness, everyone loves dinosaurs...

Dinosaurs are ever so mysterious, as many advancements as we make there's still so much we don't know. Just as we know jackshit about mister Kakashi skin man. Also, there are so many incomplete skeletons out there. I didn't have a particular species in mind for Etho, because where's the mystery in that? He can be one of those 5% skeleton 95% speculation dinosaurs like this guy!! Missing jaw and all

"I'm a runner, not a protector" - so, a raptor, or more specifically the Dromaeosauridae family, which literally has "running/runner" in its name

But! I'm always a fan of stuff going against its nature, especially in this case! Etho states he's not a runner yet protects his allies rather fiercely even in total silence. Eg refusing to kill Cleo in SL or to give away Tango's location during the LimL manhunt, same for Grian in SL. He was a bit flaky in 3L I think? And he only started to have genuine care for allies in LL with Bdubs? Though he is still very much a runner in many cases like during the LL Wither fight. Research also strongly suggests that most if not all raptors were solitary hunters, and the way I see Etho (through my shamefully limited watchtime of his POVs...) he feels a lot like someone who ultimately only trusts himself at the start even if he's pleasant and allying with others, and doesn't seem to think he can carry his weight in groups though he doesn't voice this a lot. That's just how Etho is, very composed, but it feels like there's an insecurity there, showcased especially in SL but again I haven't seen almost any of his POVs in full so maybe I'm talking out of my ass!! Sorry ethogirls I'm only a sidegig ethogirl myself... But yeah tldr to me he gives off the vibe of an otherwise solitary animal struggling to find 100% sure footing in a pack. In whichever ways he does go against his nature, its not usually made a show of

At the mention of a raptor, a lot of people will probably think of the glamourized Jurassic Park Velociraptors. But those awesome guys from the movies are actually the size of chickens. In general though, dinosaurs tend to be a bit.. exaggerated in media, despite how inherently fascinating they already are. And I think it fits Etho because we all know how the Lifers seem to fear and mancrush on him when he's just some dork with perfect capability to become pathetic at a moment's notice. Still, he's a clearly skilled player and still respected without question Etho's not some killer machine like some people make dinosaurs out to be. He's just a fellow creature fulfilling his role in the ecosystem 👍

dinosaurs are cool

The hook-like sickle claws on the feet... something something fishing rod

I swear I'm not turning all my Lifers into hybrids I'm not!! Still plenty normal humans in the mix I swear....... But Etho is such a radical dude, I really wanted to do something more for him. The whole Kitsune thing that I often see associated with him is really cool. I don't actually know the reasoning for it but I assume something something naruto, but also, him being this ancient mythical cryptid who people know so little about, you know? It makes SO much sense. So anyway I turned him into a dinosaur instead rawr

As a herbivore advocate I also considered stuff like the triceratops (known for how they protect themselves and their own) but nah the raptor symbolism...

[thebiggerbear]

where is she?

Summary: Soldier Boy only has one thought in mind when Homelander wakes him up: you.

Pairing: Soldier Boy x Female!Reader

A/N: Wrote this on July 29th. This was meant to be a drabble and I was going to experiment with a different format at the time but after taking another look at it close to a month later, I decided against it. I haven't seen Season 4 of The Boys yet but I did see a gif on here of something from the finale in regards to SB. This idea popped into my head that day and I wrote it out. Starts from the Tower scene in 3x08, an AU. Unbeta'd. Full dialogue in text is from 3x08.

Warnings: drug use; violence; violence against a woman; choking (not Butcher/Boys friendly)

Word Count: 1019

Taglist: @avada-kedavra-bitch-187; @rieleatiel

SB Taglist: @birdiellie; @heartlessdelusions; @brightlilith; @muhahaha303; @just-levyy; @solacedthistest; @deansimpala; @foxyjwls007; @onlyangel-444; @faephoria; @believeinthefireflies95; @globetrotter28

Jensen Taglist: @samanddeaninatrenchcoat; @deansbbyx; @lyarr24; @rebel-paladin; @deans-spinster-witch; @bts24; @roseblue373; @nancymcl; @c1gs-coffee; @peachhiz; @kickingitwithkirk; @fanfic-n-tabulous; @illicithallways; @mentallyillandgae

You burst into the room from the stairwell, finding Ben trying to fight three of your new supposed teammates off, his eyes full of fury and a slight tinge of fear immediately finding you as they slipped a mask over his face. “I’m not…going back…in that fucking box!”

“Get off of him! Now!” You angrily yelled, energy pulsing from your hands as you tried to rush them when Butcher caught you off guard and knocked you into a wall on his way to get to Ryan. 

“Sorry, luv.” His expression was full of trace amounts of remorse as he turned from you but you didn’t care. Your attention was on Ben alone.

When Ben saw you slam into the wall, even more fury seemed to emanate from him and he was finally able to push everyone off. His chest was a bright pulsing red that continued to get brighter and brighter; he was charged up and he was about to blow.

“You’ll kill everyone!” Starlight implored.

Ben’s expression didn’t change and you knew you had to get to him before he went off. You didn’t care about any of them, especially now, and you didn’t care for yourself. But Ben you cared about and you wouldn’t let him do this — not again. 

“Ben!” You called. 

Within the seconds it took for you to get to your feet, Maeve was already launching herself at him and they crashed through the window of the high rise, plummeting stories below. “No!” You rushed to the edge, watching their freefall in horror. “BEN!” You screamed before the impact of the explosion sent you careening backwards.   

When Soldier Boy was woken for the second time, uncaring who was there to greet him, he only had one question. “Where is she?”

America’s Asshole of a Son, now suited up, stared out at the city from Homelander’s newly renovated suite. His own son watched him, keeping his hands clasped behind his back.

“It could all be ours, you know.”

“Don’t care,” Soldier Boy growled out. “Where’s Butcher?”

Homelander sighed in disappointment and approached. He didn’t know much about the man whose blood he shared but one thing was for certain: Soldier Boy was laser focused when it came to revenge. He just happened to be focused on the wrong thing.

When he reached the older man, he studied him for a moment before nearly rolling his eyes. “You actually loved her.”

He shouldn’t have been surprised when Soldier Boy turned a lethal glare onto him, his pupils dilated from the drugs coursing through his system that he’d just snorted, but it still caught him a little off guard. Homelander didn’t feel shame or remorse; those were human feelings and he was a god. But right then, he felt like a small child scolded by that dark gaze and his shoulders subconsciously lowered an inch.

“Find me Butcher or I will find him on my own,” the Supe threatened before walking away. Homelander watched him go, angry that even while dead you somehow still managed to fuck with his plans.

Right before Soldier Boy was about to strike a killing blow to Butcher, Hughie yelled, “She’s alive!” The Supe froze and turned a scowl onto Butcher’s dickrest. 

“I promise,” the bitch insisted. “I can tell you where she is! Just don’t kill him. Please.”

Soldier Boy’s glare dropped to the man swaying in his hold, his face bloodied, bruised, and swollen. The supe's jaw tensed and he dropped the man to the ground, making him a silent promise that he would still pay for his betrayal, before his eyes landed on Hughie. “Take me to her. And you better be telling me the fucking truth or you’re never going to get to feel the warmth of this fucker’s mouth again.”

Hughie’s eyes widened but he gave a nod. A hint of a smirk teased the corner of Soldier Boy’s lips for a moment and then disappeared completely. Before following the bitch out the door, he gave Butcher one last kick for good measure.

Soldier Boy tightened his grip on Grace Mallory’s throat and lifted her body higher up the wall. He ignored Hughie’s whiny pleas of not hurting the old bitch. “Open it,” he ordered. “Now.”

Hughie did just that. The supe could hear a whirring sound behind him and he intensified his glare at the woman he was currently choking out before turning to look over his shoulder. Out of a drawer, a cryotube emerged, looking quite different from the one he had been in when his pussy of a son had found him. His breath caught in his chest when he saw you inside, slumbering peacefully, tubes wrapped around your barely dressed body. Rage began to flow through his veins when he realized that you had been stocked away inside a fucking sock drawer like a second thought — like you had never mattered. You were the only thing that mattered.

He turned back to Mallory, gritting his teeth, and his body shaking with fury. He saw the lack of fear in her eyes and in a split second, his decision had been made. He flung her across the room, not caring about the sickening cracks he heard when she made impact. For good measure, when Hughie tried to run to her aid, he brutally knocked the kid aside and made his way towards you. Within seconds, he had the cryotube open and he ripped the wires from your body. He curled his arm around your shoulders and carefully hoisted you up into his lap.

A few heartbeats later, your eyes slowly began to open, your lashes fluttering repeatedly as you returned to consciousness. Your gaze struggled for a minute to focus on the image in front of you but when it did, you rasped out in disbelief, “Ben?”

A soft smile played upon his lips as he ferried your hand to his bearded cheek. “Yeah, doll. It’s me.” 

When you attempted to return his smile, he leaned down to whisper, “I found you,” before he gently pressed his mouth to yours.

Please let me know if you would like to be tagged for this character.

dividers by @firefly-graphics

banner by @cafekitsune

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[dreamescapeswriting]

Revenge Is Sweet ~ MYG

WORD COUNT: 3.4k

GENRE: established relationships, you’re a bet, angst, getting revenge, sweet ending, reader not being walked over for once

PAIRING: Yoongi x Fem!Reader

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - August 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

A/n: I hope this is alright!

Four and a half months. It had been four and a half months of pure bliss for you since the man you'd been in love with for almost half of your life asked you out on a date and you'd been falling harder and harder ever since.

You and Yoongi had been neighbours almost all of your life, growing up next door to one another and hanging out whenever your parents would hang out. As kids, he told you that you annoyed him but you figured it was because you were a girl and he was a guy so younger he instantly thought you had "girl cooties" but as you got older he thought of you as a friend. Or so you thought until two minutes ago.

You'd made your way to your usual meeting place with Yoongi, the library near a stack of old books. The two of you didn't really have any plans today but you were going to invite him back to your room and finally give yourself fully to him. He and his friends had moved a table there since no one ever went to these shelves for anything and it could be their own little table away from everyone else and prying ears. Only you stopped when you saw him and a few of his friends huddled together and laughing rather loudly at one another. Patting Yoongi on the back and giving him different piles of cash,

You weren't even sure what you'd walked in on until you saw Jungkook and Jimin - two of Yoongi's best friends patting him on the back and handing him a wad of cash. Your eyes zeroed in on it all. It could have been anything. It should have been anything but your world was brought to a screaming halt as you heard.

"I didn't think you had it in you." Jungkook laughs as Yoongi stands there, counting all of the cash in his hands. None of them realised that you'd suddenly joined them in their corner of the library.

"The Five months are almost over...didn't think you'd actually go through with it," Jimin laughed, further twisting the dagger inside of your chest. Five months. It had almost been five months since you'd gotten together with Yoongi. Was that what they were talking about?

"Can't wait any longer until this stupid thing is finally over and I get my money from you all, the rest of it at least," Yoongi answered, clearly amused by them all.

"You gonna tell Yn the truth when you dump her or just leave her confused?" Jimin sniggered and you backed away, leaning against another one of the shelves as the blood drained from your body, your heart racing as you heard them walking away.

"Haven't figured that part out yet," Yoongi's voice trailed off as they all made their way out of the library and you were left standing there. Panting heavily as you tried to control the way you were about to break down.

"Not here," A voice whispered before a hand was wrapped around your wrist and you were dragged somewhere secluded, a door shutting and locking before you finally got a good look at who it was.

Lights around you began to flicker on and you realised you were inside one of the archive rooms inside the library, your eyes slowly moved up to the person who had dragged you inside,

"Lix?" Felix was one of Yoongi's friends but ever since the day Yoongi had asked you out you hadn't seen him around as much...At least now you knew why. Quickly you wiped your eyes and cheeks to try and hide the fact that you were on the verge of a breakdown but Felix smiled weakly and handed you a tissue. He'd been there when he heard them discussing the bet openly in public, just asking for someone to overhear them,

"Did you know this whole time?" Your voice shook a little as you carefully took the tissue and began to wipe your eyes before blowing your nose a little. Felix knew that lying to you wouldn't be in your best interest so he nodded at you,

"Not the full extent but enough. I told him not...not to go through with it but he just sees it as a joke. Thinking you'll bounce back from it," You scoff at the thought and shake your head. Bounce back from being used as a fucking joke? As if your feelings meant nothing and you were nothing but a toy for him and his jerk group of mates could play around with a hurt without a care in the world. The more you thought about it the more it began to kill you inside, twisting your guts as you felt buile rise to your throat, your eyes burning and throat drying as you tried not to break down into tears once more.

"You can cry...I won't...I'll never judge you," Felix told you, reaching out and rubbing your shoulder softly as you sniffled, doing your best not to let the dam break but it was almost as if on command the tears flooded out of you. You began to sob into your hands, which were quickly replaced by Felix as he cradled you against his chest whispering that you were okay and he wasn't going to let anything happen to you.

Giving you all the time in the world to break down, scream, cry, yell and do anything else you were ever going to need to do and he just held you against him. Rubbing your back softly and promising he would make all of this right for you.

After you'd calmed yourself down you were both sitting on the floor looking at one another, neither of you had spoken since you'd calmed down and you weren't even sure what to say or do.

How were you supposed to face anybody if they'd all known about this joke? And go along with it? For god sake, you were almost sure some of the girls in your classes knew by the way they'd looked at you.

"I don't know what I did to make him...do this shit," You were still having a rough time wrapping your head around the fact that someone you had once considered a friend was now backstabbing you and making you the laughing stock of all his friends.

"Yoongi is...Complicated. He likes to be liked and will do anything to get that from those around him," Felix whispered, trying not to sound as though he was defending Yoongi but still trying to make you see the reasoning behind everything,

"He could have told me...I would have gone along with whatever he wanted if he needed the money," You whispered, even though it might have made you seem pathetic, that option seemed a lot easier to deal with than heartbreak did.

"Yoongi doesn't have the brain cells to rub together to come up with a plan like that," Felix smirked making you smile for the first time in over an hour,

"You know what you need?" Felix snickered, the wheels in his head turning as he moved himself closer to you, your eyes finding his as you frowned a little.

"What...?" You trailed off, watching him. You knew that look on his face, it was the same look you had whenever you were going to play a prank on your siblings only Felix's looked a lot more dangerous than yours ever did.

"You need your own back," Felix smirked, his mind already coming up with the perfect plan as a small smirk began to grow on your face.

Revenge did seem very sweet right now.

"What did you have in mind, Mr Lee?" You giggled, leaning into him and ready to hear his plan.

"Well, there's a party this weekend..."

"Yn?" Jungkook's voice squeaked as you walked into the living room where he, Yoongi and his friends were all playing beer pong. You never came out...ever. You never went to any parties in all your years of attending the university, in fact, you'd once called it "pathetic" to waste all your time drinking when you had papers to study for.

Almost everyone turned to look at you, drinking in your appearance as you did your best to appear confident.

None of them knew you knew about the bet yet, you and Felix had done everything you could to make sure it stayed that way too. Even if it meant playing nice with the man who had ripped your heart out and stomped on it for a few more days until tonight. Tonight your plan was going to go down and you'd had days of preparation for it.

"What...What are you doing here?" Yoongi reached out as he ran his hand up and down your waist, his mouth dry as he stared at you. The dress you were wearing clung to your body perfectly, sculpting every single of your body to perfection leaving very little to the imagination of everyone that could see you.

There was a reason he never brought you to these kinds of parties and that was because his friends were pigs and that possessive side of him didn't want his friends oogleing what was his. That and he knew you hated this sort of thing and he'd never bring you somewhere he knew you would be uncomfortable.

"Yoongi," You giggle, bringing him close to you by his hand, his eyes looking you up and down as he struggles to speak a little trying to find the words to tell you how incredible you looked but it was like his brain was mush.

"I wanted to surprise you," You whisper into his ear, biting down softly on his earlobe so he knew what you were hinting at. Your heart racing rapidly as you bring him closer to you, running your hands down his chest and toward the belt he is wearing.

"Here?" His voice cracked as you nodded, taking his hand and dragging him toward the staircase, his friends all whistling and hollering at the two of you as you made your way up to the room Felix had already set up for you both. There was nothing in there, all of the clothes had been removed from the wardrobes in preparation for what you were about to do.

"Yn, wait," Yoongi whispered as you pushed him down onto the bed, your eyes drinking him in. It was a shame he was such a dickhead and so good-looking all at the same time. Your heart still beat for him despite what he'd done to you and it only made you hate everything more.

"I want it to be tonight." You tell him as you bite down on your lip, that you'd been trying to appear as sexy as possible for this plan to work.

"But here? I-I wanted...I was gonna take you someplace special." He told you so connivingly you almost would have believed him had it not been for the bet.

"Here," you whisper slowly kissing him down his neck, unbuttoning his shirt as he whimpered a little, his heart racing so hard the vein in his neck was obvious. The brain in his head works completely differently from the one in his pants,

"You never bring me to parties," You pout at him as you strip him off his shirt, throwing it behind you by the door so it is in the perfect position.

"I never want you to be around my friends, they're idiots and they make you uncomfortable." He mumbles, kissing you deeply and lovingly, your heart fluttering as he pulls you closer to him, running his hands over your cheeks.

"Are you sure...here? I can take you somewhere better...Somewhere special, a hotel. Somewhere we can go slow and take our time..." He was speaking to you with so much softness you felt your heart racing for him. The thought of him wanting to do that for you made you want to melt into a puddle for him but you remembered the bet and that part of you shrunk.

"Yoongi...I'm ready, I trust you." You made sure to put an emphasis on trust and Yoongi's heart bottomed out,

"Yn." He whispers as you take off his pants, his primal instinct trying to take over but he is doing his best to control himself, to wait and figure out a plan. This isn't what he had planned for you, he wanted your first time together to be special and somewhere it would be meaningful for the two of you. Not some random bedroom in a frat house he was too drunk to give a shit about and he needed to tell you everything first. He needed you to know the truth.

"Yn," He pants as you finally remove his clothes leaving him completely bare, your breath catching in your throat as you see him completely naked to you, the gods had blessed him it was just a shame you were never going to get a real taste of him.

"Y-Yoongi." You lean into him, kissing him softly, your heart breaking from the kiss. Your body and heart needed one last kiss from him, just one more and you'd go through with the rest of the plan. You'd remind yourself what he was doing to you and you'd get out of there.

"I can't...Yn, please." You pull back, looking at Yoongi. You were completely taken aback at him being the one to deny it.

"We can't. This isn't right, there's something I have to tell you first." He held your hands in his and you stared into his eyes, your mouth opening to speak but you felt Felix ringing your phone, you knew he was asking what was taking so long.

"Let me...Let me tell you something, okay? Pass me my clothes," Yoongi whispered only further confusing you. You thought this whole thing was a ploy to see how long it would take for him to get you into bed and this was only making your stomach twist.

This whole thing was supposed to be him trying to fuck you, so you could take his clothes and make people laugh at him instead of at you for the bet. This was the revenge plan. Turning to the door you picked up his clothes, your hands shaking a little before you walked out. Following Felix's plan, you ran down the stairs and out into the yard where he was waiting with his car.

"Quick, get in." He urged but you were frozen in place as you heard Yoongi yelling for you to come back. Your heart pleaded with you to stay and hear out what Yoongi was going to say but your brain was screaming at you to run.

"Yn! Get in the car!" Felix screamed at you, looking at you as you froze in place, your mouth opening to speak but it was like nothing would come out. Leaving you standing there like a fool.

"Yn! Wait! Please!" Yoongi pleaded as he reached the front porch of the house, you turned your body to look at him, and a stuffed bear was the only thing covering his decency. People around him laughed and cackled, taking photos and videos of him as you felt your heart drop into your stomach.

You were no better than he was, you were stooping to his level.

"I know you know...well, now I do," Yoongi said as he walked closer to you. His hands clutched the bear to his cock so no one could see him completely naked.

"Yoongi-" You breathed out, guilt weighing down on you as you realised how bad this must have felt for him but he shook his head at you,

"I deserve this, a lot worse actually for what I did to you...I deserve to be shamed like this." He laughed nervously as you looked at him, tears in your eyes as you sniffled a little, fresh tears running down your cheeks as he sighed.

"I was trying to tell you upstairs. I-" He stopped as he turned to see Jungkook and Jimin watching him, smirking at their friend who was naked in front of the girl he had fallen for. Noticing all the cameras on him he turned to look at them, if he was going to make this apology right he was going to make sure every single person heard him properly.

"Hey everyone, erm...I guess you can all see me," He laughs softly, ever the charmer but it wasn't about charming them tonight. It was about being honest with you. Slowly he looked back at you,

"You're probably all wondering why I'm standing here naked with a bear hiding my cock," He kept his eyes on you, a small smile on his face as he looked at you. He'd never admit it to anyone but you but he was proud you'd taken this stand for yourself,

"But it's because I broke the heart of the girl I love the most," Your heart rattled against your chest as the music from the party faded away and you focused on Yonogi.

"It was a stupid bet. I was wrong and I never should have agreed to it but- I don't even have an excuse for it. But after spending time with you...realising that I was enjoying it and...actually falling for you. I realised something," He moved so he was standing in front of you,

"You are so much more than I ever imagined: smart, funny, and incredibly kind. Every moment we spent together made me see just how amazing you are." One hand reached out to run his hand over your cheek, wiping away the tear that had rolled down.

"I know saying this doesn’t erase what happened, but I need you to know it wasn’t just a game to me. Tonight, I was trying to tell you the truth. I've been torturing myself trying to come up with a way to tell you which didn't...end up in us...breaking up but Yn. I fucking love you." He said with so much conviction you could practically feel the love from his words.

"I don't deserve your trust but I'm begging you, to believe me when I say I never meant to hurt you. I care about you...and I'll do anything I can to make things right." He whispers as you look at him, your breath catching in your throat,

"Yoongi-" You were cut off as he moved closer, the bear dropping and revealing every single glorious inch to his friends and people around you,

"Yoongi!" You screamed covering him with his clothes but he didn't care. Yoongi would let them see if it meant you would take him back or at least try and give him a chance at earning your trust.

"Let them see, I'm not moving until you either tell me to get fucked or forgive me...O-Or at least give me a chance to earn your forgiveness." You look him in the eyes, trying to decide if he was being truthful or not. You couldn't see any lies in his eyes and you bit your lip,

"One shot. You get...O-one shot." You tell him sternly,

"Now put your boxers on and get in Lix's car," You giggle a little as he smirks at you, quickly kissing your cheek as he slides into his boxers and into the car with you and Felix.

"You break her heart and I'll do much worse than let everyone see you naked," Felix warns him as he looks in the mirror at the two of you.

"Not the best wedding speech but it's the truth, the way I met the love of my life and how I got to keep her," Yoongi said as he spoke into the microphone, addressing everyone in the room at your wedding reception as you groaned and shook your head.

"You could have left out the part where you were completely naked," You giggled at him but he smirked,

"But how else would everyone see these." As he finished speaking the screens in the reception lit up with the video of Yoongi standing there naked and pleading for you to forgive him.

"Yoongi!" You squeal running to try and turn them off as he smirks, bringing you into his arms and kissing you deeply.

"I love you, wife," He chuckles before you smoosh some of the cake into his mouth and shake your head at him.

"I love you too, husband,"

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