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acnhretreat · 2 years

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wow this post sure got long.

i’ve been wanting to make some more animal crossing art

i’m getting used to drawing again after almost 10 years of stopping (with like one drawing here and there every couple years) so i’ve been warming up letting myself draw poorly and it’s been extremely freeing, since the reason i quit drawing to begin with was because i started feeling like i wasn’t good enough. at that time i quit drawing and got into abstract painting because “you don’t have to be good at it” but newsflash to past insecure me you don’t have to be good at any art to make it. and while logically i know this, and i actually believe it deeply with my whole soul that you do not have to be “””good””” at art to create art and in fact it’s very human to create art and whether art is “””good””” or not is subjective anyway and i’m genuinely, and always have been, a huge fan of “””bad””” art because so much “””bad””” art is sooo good. and i feel this way about like all mediums. catch me consuming and appreciating all kinds of art all over the place. but, sorry gonna overshare for a sec, i’ve got an eensy bit of a personality disorder that makes me an eensy bit insecure and filled with an almost unshakable sense of shame and humiliation. well, it’s my fucking life goal to break free from that shame. and thank god, the older i’m getting the stronger my sense of self and self worth are becoming. and finally, i’m allowing myself to explore drawing again, which i used to do and enjoy for hours upon hours every day of my childhood. drawing was my main form of escape and artist expression aside from writing. i create all different types of art but drawing used to feel like mine. it came so natural to me i never thought twice about it. i let a small comment that someone made get to me. and i am determined to concur this. i was 16 at the time, or maybe had just turned 17. when i stopped drawing. and i’m 27 now and it feels soo freeing to let myself draw and not be “great” at it.

since i was about 20 i’ve been trying to get myself back into drawing, dipping my toes in drawing just one little thing every couple years. i felt so stressed because i had a lot of artist’s acquaintances. i grew up in a pretty artsy town in northern california. and i remember when i started trying to draw again, i felt so frustrated that my peers had never stopped drawing, they continued to practice and got better. whereas i stopped and got worse. and i compared myself and felt so angry. i felt like i would be just as skilled as them had i never given it up! and it made it so hard for me to start back up again. my drawing abilities had regressed to the skill level i was at when i was in like 4th/5th grade. i wasn’t even at the level that i was when i had stopped drawing at age 16/17. and it took me a long time to get over the fact that i’m going to have to practice a whole lot more to get back to the place i left off.

this year i decided i don’t care anymore. i keep a sketchbook in my bed under the pillow on the side i don’t sleep on. pencils and markers within reach. and i’ve been allowing myself to draw whatever, whenever i feel like it. silly art, vent art. sometimes i want to draw but all i can do is write on the page and that’s alright too. i’ve spent the last 10 years mostly just writing and painting abstract to express myself, so that’s just what flows easier sometimes. but i’ve been creating. drawing stuff. the other day i thought to myself “i havent really drawn a picture of spongebob since i was a kid” so i took out my markers and i drew a really crude drawing of spongebob. and then i drew patrick and squidward and sandy and a jellyfish. and it did look like a kid drew it lol. and it was so fun to make. A couple months ago i took out a crayon and drew along with Steve on some episodes on Blue’s Clue’s like i used to do when i was 5. Steve actually taught me how to draw a lot of basic stuff. and that felt so nice to imitate what he draws on screen and get my hands comfortable creating shapes intentionally again.

the other day i drew a whole bunch of pictures of Stitches and some of them turned out looking real freaky and i actually was pretty happy with the end result, having a bunch of blobby drawings of my favorite animal crossing villager all on one page lol.

i feel so inspired by the animal crossing art i see online it makes me excited to get to draw more. sometimes i don’t have a ton of creative energy to draw a big elaborate drawing like i used to when i was a teen but i’m gonna baby-steps my way up to drawing more and more elaborate and interesting animal crossing artwork. not even to share with others people or anything, although i might someday. but just for me. for the love of my favorite game and for the love of drawing

#long post #personal #my favorite art is the stuff that doesn’t even look like animal crossing at first glance #that’s what i feel most inspired by

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dearheartwitcher · 2 years

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all of the questions for the art ask meme! :)

ouhh!! under the cut for u! <33

1. Art programs you have but don't use

loll i bought clip studio on sale but i havent drawn anything in it because i cant find a good dupe of my sai brush

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

hmm i guess left!

3. What ideas come from when you were little

lol every time i draw self insert im just feeding my inner 12 year old

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

rosiers moth form.......... i love him sooo much but i need to try redesigning that form... also im trying SO hard to learn how to draw bloodhound but they have so many fucking Pieces to their design😭

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

i would say i post a good majority of the art i make!! ive gotten worse at it in recent years, mostly because i keep wanting to save things to post at "peak hours" or whatever but i always forget lmfao. i dont usually keep things to myself intentionally

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn't supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

art that my friends make always inspires me the more i see from them! mostly in little ways that only i really notice lol

7. A medium of art you don't work in but appreciate

traditional painting is sooo nice... i especially love gouache... i like when traditional painters dont blend their work and use a ton of different colors as well. also people who draw traditionally and put stickers all over their work, i think that's phenomenal

8. What's an old project idea that you've lost interest in

oh god so many lol. one that comes to mind is i was going to make a little animatic with a tiktok sound of my dnd party but uh. one character died and the other two belong to people im no longer friends with due to two separate falling outs 😬

9. What are your file name conventions

i usually name them based on whats happening in the drawing! or just the character's name, if ive only drawn them once. i also have all my art sorted into folders by subject matter (commissions, dnd, ocs, etc) and by date

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

hmmm.... probably long sleeve tshirts/sweaters.... regular jeans can be fun too

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

ohh lots of things. i have a drawing playlist on youtube thats got a couple hundred videos on it, i also have a ton of spotify playlists. i either listen to something that fits the vibe of what im drawing, or something that will motivate me to stay in the zone lol

12. Easiest part of body to draw

boobs. sorry eyes <3

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

i cant think of one!!

14. Any favorite motifs

eyes and hearts maybe 🤔

15. *Where* do you draw (don't drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

usually just in my room! one of the best parts of having a laptop tbh is that i can just draw digitally in my room instead of using the computer in the living room

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

hmm. thats hard to say! maybe designing characters? i like to think that im pretty alright at making diverse characters, and i do enjoy it when they’re finished, but it takes soooo much of my brain power to do it lol. i love having little guys that i made but its so hard to make little guys!

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

not really tbh KJSHDF i tend to uh forget to eat or drink for long periods when im in The Zone.....dont be like me. have some orange slices

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you've broken

NONE haha digital 4life. i dont use screen tablets so my tablets last foreeeeever.

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

fried eggs :)

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

hmmm i cant think of anything. i Can shade black, which my bf struggles with, but its not something i need to do often lol

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

i love hyper-stylized art and lineless super colorful art!! theres probably more, thats just off the top of my head

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

none 😬 i rawdog it... i do some wrist stretches afterward most times tho

23. Do you use different layer modes

a little bit! mostly overlay + multiply on low opacity. i put them over a finished drawing to make the colors more cohesive!

24. Do your references include stock images

sometimes!

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

steven universe omg. like MAYBE back in 2015 or something it contributed to the way i use shapes a little bit but??? like i love the show, ive made fanart n shit! it just didnt contribute to my art style and i used to get that comparison A Lot

26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

i cant think of one! i dont really do conceptual stuff so theres not usually a ton of room for misinterpretation

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

sometimes i do! my go-to doodles are fried eggs and little cartoony heads, but a warm up for me can even be a fully lined drawing lol

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

i participate in art fight every year!! ive been playing since 2018 :)

29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically

i think all media i love inspires me artistically!! even if it doesnt contribute to my art or anything, anything i love i spend a lot of time thinking about

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

um most of them imo AKLJSDHFSJ but thats the price of doing mostly oc art lol... people simply will not see your stuff

#asks #anon

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spacedlexi · 3 years

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yea, you definitely have some same face problems. even in the examples you provided everyone's nose looks almost the same, the face shapes look basically the same, the lips all have about the same profile.. the characters are extremely expressive but i think the way you draw people is very methodical! i think you just need to push that a little harder. in the second image you can see the variety the best, but they all still have about the same facial structure. (1/2)

you just need to push it more! maybe start by experimenting with making eyes or chins different sizes (abt all the faces you provided in that example came to the same little point), or drawing real people's faces next to each other in your style (helps with drawing identifying features) i think expressiveness is often sacrificed in favor of facial variety and you have that shit DOWN so i honestly think if you just pushed that variety a little harder your art would really rock the house (2/2)

ok now im just gonna straight up disagree with you. in those examples you can see pointy noses with rounded bridges and round noses with hard straight bridges. i dont even always draw a bridge in clems case because i make her bridge flat and nose round. i didnt draw ajs bridge either for the same reason. ive only recently started softening violets bridge because when i looked at her reference recently it wasnt as sharp as i remembered.

and for the lips some characters have thicker lips while others are smaller and some have rounded tops and some have that heart shape indent, which may be soft or sharp itself.

also when you say "same facial structure" i dont agree either about that specific image youre talking about. clem has a heart shaped face with a visible chin, while ruby is similar her cheeks and chin are softer. louis has a longer face, harder but still soft chin/jaw with less cheek, while mitch has sharper hard features like a sharp jaw and chin with a cleft, plus visible cheek bones that the others dont have with less cheek. i dont even know what you mean when you say they come to "the same little point" you mean chin? they do not all come to the same point... theyre also not very pointy? in mitchs case its hard and flat...

and with eyes im Always drawing different shapes? the only thing im always fighting myself on is not making them too big because i myself have big eyes and i always push it in my drawings when i dont mean to.

heres a little chart i draw sometimes when im trying to figure out how to draw a character i havent drawn yet or when im trying to refine ones im already familiar with. i line everyone up like this and try to give them as unique and identifying a shape as possible. obviously it can only go so far when im trying to also capture the characters likeness, but it helps me see each individual aspect of their face and try to make them their own. like for clem i give her cheek and chin but no cheekbone and a soft jaw, overall soft heart shaped. violet has cheekbone And cheek, plus a rounded chin and harder jaw, overall triangular shape. minnie has cheekbone but no cheek and a strong and hard jaw, overall square shape. idk how you want me to diversify them more than this?

and heres an (older) example of me trying to make characters that share lots of similarities look distinct

i feel like youre Trying to be nice so im not trying to be mean here. i just dont agree with what youre specifically pointing out... im already doing what i can to avoid same face so youre just gonna have to give me time on that i guess...

#replies with lexi #incognito #would tag this l*ng post but dont want tumblr to flag it or whatever 🙄 sorry

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zmayadw · 3 years

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Evening to all :)

Time for the next part :)

Have a nice evening :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 10

I woke up with a terrible taste in my mouth. I had no clue what time was it, but the sun was out already, making me squint my eyes. I got in sitting position slowly, banging in my head intensifing with every move i made. Ugh, i'm never drinking again, i scolded myself. Squinting, I focused on the little alarm clock that was on the night stand. 10.34. Whoa, i cant remember the last time i slept this long. I got up from the bed and went to the bathroom. I filled the glass with wather, rinsing my mouth a few times before gulping down two glasses. My stomach growled at it, i just hoped not to throw up .Taking a shower would be a wise thing to do, so i just threw the clothes i had off and entered the shower. The warm water felt good, i just let it pour over me for a while. I wrapped myself in the towel taking some painkillers for the headache. Getting back to the room, i dressed up, and sat on the bed. I felt a bit better, but still not enough. Coffee, i tought, thats what i need now. I got up, going for the purse i threw on the floor when i got in, searching for my phone. Shit, i cursed, it wsnt there. I checked every pocket, even Jake's hoodie, but my phone was nowhere to be found. Crap, i probably left it at a the Aurora last night, when Jessy and me wer taking pictures. Or at lest i hoped so. Well, i was going for coffee, so i could stop at the Aurora eitherway. I grabbed my backpack with drawing stuff. Who knows, i might be up for some drawing, no matter I still felt woozy from last night drinking. I putted my sneakers on, grabed my stuff and car keys. Walking wasnt an option this time, i wasnt feeling well enough for it.

When i parked my car infront of the Aurora, I saw Dan's car was still there. I smiled as i left the car, guess i wasnt the only one sleeping late today. I hoped Phil was there already, and my phone too. I entered the Aurora, relieved at the sight of Phil behind the bar. I was washed with the smell of coffee, and as i neared the bar, I pleadingly said to him, sitting on the stool „Please, please, please, tell me i'm not wrong and that is coffee i can smell.“ Phil turned arround , not noticing me when i entered. He grinned at me „You are most definitly right! Would you like some?“ „Yes, pretty please.“ I said, as i putted my hand on the bar, and leaned my head on it as on a pillow. Phil chuckled at me „Want any sugar with it? Or milk?“ „Yes, please.“ I replied, and he vanished through the storage doors. He returned with a big cup of coffe putting it infront of me. I rised my head, took the cup, taking a deep breath of its smell, before taking a big sip of it. „Thanks, Phill, you're my saviour:“ i smiled at him as i settled it back on the bar. „Here to help.“ He said, winking. „Rough night?“ he asked teasingly. „Oh, i dont know how you can be so cheerful.“ I started „I feel like a truck hit me lastnight.“ He laughed „Practice to perfection.“ „I think i would need years of practice to be even close to that kind of perfection!“ i said, making a skeptical face. He smiled at me „So, to what do i owe the pleasure?“ he asked. „Dont get me wrong, im glad to see you“ he said, that devilish spark in his eyes again „But i doubt you came just to see me.“ „You caught me.“ I said, even tho it was nice seeing him. „I was hoping that i might have left my phone here yesterday.“ He shook his head at me, crouching down searchin for a few seconds under the bar, giving me my phone as he got up. „Better be carefull next time, good thing i noticed it as you left.“ „Yay, thanks Phil, again.“ I told him, giving him a big smile. „I owe you big time! Both for the phone, and coffee.“ His phone rang then „Sorry business calling. Be right back“ he said, answering his phone and going through the storage door. I checked my phone with him gone, finding out few missed calls and messages from Jessy. She was worried i havent answered her jet, so i decided to call her while waiting for Phil. The tone barely sugested it rang when Jessy's voice boomed from the other side. „Finaly! Do you know how worried i have been? Are you allright? Where wer you? Why didnt you answer me before?“ It made me smile a bit, her worrying for me like that was so sweet. „Im sooooo sorry Jessy“ i said pleadingly „I left my phone at Aurora last night, i just got here to get it.“ Phil returned at that point, and i mouthed to him 'Jessy's' name, indicating who i was talking to. Her voice boomed again, and i moved my phone a bit from my ear, wich made Phil laugh. „Ofcourse you did! Its no wonder after all the whiskey you had! Dan is still sleeping like a log! You two really had it last night!“ „Aww, Dont be cross, Jessy.“ I started pleadingly again „I promise next time we wont over do it.“ Phil was grining at me now, and i stuck my toung at him, trying to calm Jessy down. „C'mon, you cant tell me you didnt have some fun yesterday.“ I started „I have some pictures on my phone as a proof of it.“ Phil threw his thumb up, showing me i said a good thing, and i grined at him. „Alright, i admit last night wasnt all that bad.“ Jessy started, sounding calmer now „But you're still not off the hook completly.“ „Thanks, Jessy“ i started, grining as a sign of victory to Phil. „You can scold me some more at lunch, if the deal for it still stands.“ „Ofcourse!“ Jessy cined cheerfuly from the other side „Dan will be a sleep for God knows how long, and im already bored here.“ I quickly moved my phone from the ear checking the time. „Its 12.20 now, when do you want us to meet?“. „I'll meet you around 14 at the Aurora. I doubt Phil will mind you hanging there with him till then.“ She replied, teasing me. „Somehow i think you're right.“ I said, looking at Phil with a devilysh smile. „Cya later, Jessy.“ I sadi, lovering my phone. Phil looked at me,a bit confused „Wat was that about?“ „Oh, just Jessy being Jessy.“ I told him, grining. „Fine, fine, be all mysterious.“ He teased me. „Awww, c'mon, you wouldnt find me so interesting if i was an open book.“ I told him, smiling sheepeshly. He looked at me, with that intensifing look again, making me feel heat spreading through my body „You're not wrong about that.“ Crap, what are you doing again, Maya, i scolded myself. Phil was definatly into me, and i was toying with him like this. It really wasnt my intention, i didnt want him to get the wrong impression about anything. But it felt so easy for me, talking to Phil, compared to Jake. Why does all have to be so tough and complicated with him? It feels like walking on egg shells every time im with him: dont do this, dont say that. Shit, it shouldnt be that way, should it? Was i really that much into Jake? Blah, i dont know anything anymore. I wish he would be more open with me, it would make things so much easier. I was lost in my toughts when Phil finaly snaped me back to reality „Maya? You allright?“ I looked at him, shaking my head, to clear it from all the 'Jake' toughts. „Yeah, sorry.“ I started „Guess the coffee didnt kick in properly yet.“ Phil looked at me, and i could see he didnt really belive what i told him, but decided not to take the matter any further „If you say so.“ Was all he said. I smiled shyly at him. „Do you mind if i just hang here for an hour or so, before metting with Jessy? I dont feel up to driving back to motel, and the coffee isnt bad here either.“ I tried, smiling, waving my empty cup at him. Phil looked at me, rising one of his eyebrows, and smiled devilishly „How could i say no to a beautifull woman?“ He took my cup, winked at me vanishing through the storage doors. I could feel my cheeks flushing again, and my heart beating faster. Shit, shit, shit..

When Phil came back with another full cup of coffee i asked if its ok if I sit at one of the booths, to wich he said fine, since he did have some work to be done. I took my stuff and coffee setteling at the booth. I had a bit over an hour before metting with Jessy, i hoped some inspiration for work might come to me. I took my stuff out of the backpack, took my sneakers off, sitting with my feet up on the booths perch. I liked drawing like that. Leaning my drawing pad on my knees i tried to focus on my work, but my toughts just kept wondering off. I tought about Phil, sneaking glances towards the bar. He was good looking, always nice to me, even tho everyone warned me that he was a 'no good' considering women. He never showed any sign of it towards me. He was easygoing, i enjoyed his company, we definatly clicked. Then there is Jake. I was definatly drawn to him, cant deny that. When im near him, it feels like when a moth is drawn towards fire. Cant fight it, its driving me crazy. But nothing with him is easy. Its like taking one step forward, then not one, or even two, but ten steps back. Its so frustrating. And with all that had happened, i feel like all the progres we had was completly gone. My head was still too woozy for thinking of stuff like this. I setteled my drawing stuff down, taking my coffee, leaning back in the booth. Maybe Jessy would have some advice fore me. Two heads are smarter then one, or so they say. But i should definatly talk to Phil, at least try to explain things to him. I dont want him thinking im giving him some false hope here. As if he could sense my toughts, he turned around, took his coffee and walked towards me. „Mind if i join you?“ he asked, and i smiled „Ofcourse i dont. I guess my inspiration is still sleeping, so no work to be done at the moment.“ He grined „Thats good for me. I can have the pleasure of your company for some more then.“ I chuckled at that, siping some more of the coffee. But i tought again about talking with him about everything. My face must have gotten some serious expression, 'couse Phil looked at me a bit serious, before asking „Whats bothering you, Maya? I have a feeling you want to talk to me about something.“ I looked at him, those deep eyes of his gazing intensly at me, trying to dig up my toughts. „I do.“ I admitted after a moment „But to be hones, i dont know how to start .“ „Well, just do your best.“ He said, and i started to get the feeling of a knot at my stomach again. „Allright.“ I said, but the words didnt come easy after that. „I like you, Phill.“ I said finaly after a moment of silence. He chuckled „Ok, thats a good start.“ „Ah, but that was the easy part.“ I started „Now comes the tricky one.“ I could notice him tensing a bit, like he knew where this might lead to. „Ok, go on then.“ He said. „I enjoy your company, talking to you, its so easygoing. I feel we clicked, that theres some 'spark' between us, and i know you noticed the same.“ „You're right about that.“ He replied. „But..“ i started, and Phil interupted me, sighing „Ahh, there it is, the famous 'but' part.“ „Please, Phil, just let me say what i have, then you can hate me.“ He looked at me, his face getting a soft touch „I couldnt hate you, Maya.“ „Dont say it untill im not done talking.“ I said, a bit sadness creeping to my voice. „Alright. Please, continue.“ „Ok. As i started earlier,i like you, but i dont want to get your hopes up.“ I settled my coffe on the table, my hands fidgeting with the cup. Why was this so hard? „Shit, Phil, im a complete mess at the moment.“ I started „I myself dont know what i want, and its tearing me up inside. There is someone, and i dont know where I stand with him. And i dont want to start something new, if im not a 100% sure that its the right thing, that its something i really want. With no loose ends catching up on me.“ I looked up at Phil, him still not taking his eyes off me. „Am i making any sense to you here?“ i asked, lovering my head. I really didnt want to have this conversation, but that was me being honest. All of a sudden, i could feel Phil's hand covering mine, and i looked back up at him. He still had that softness written all over his face. „I appriciate your honesty, Maya.“ He started „Now let me be honest also.“ „Ofcourse“ i said „I expect nothing less.“ „Good.“ He looked at me more serious now. „You know i like you, you said it yourself. I dont know why, but i felt drawn to you the moment i saw you. Theres something in you that makes a man bedazled by you, i cant explain it differently.“ He paused for a moment before continuing. „And i get it, you dont want to get into something half hearted. And i applaud you for that. Because, if anything was to happen between us, i wouldnt want it that way either.“ He looked at me now, his gaze intensifing again, and i started to feel that heat again. „If it was to happen“ he continued „I would prefere if you wer in it with every inch of your body and soul.“ I was mesmerized by his words. He was so open with me, the words came so easy to him. Why cant it be like this with Jake. „Allrighty, that was pretty honest there.“ I said finaly, making an aqward smile. „You wanted me to be honest.“ He said, adding „And just so you know, im not going to make it easy for you.“ He looked at me now, with that devilish spark in his eyes again. I looked at him puzzled „What do you mean by it?“ He grined at me „Its like this: i will continue to act like i did so far, and you can do the same, cause, lets face it, we both like it.“ His grin widened, and i smiled back at him. „Good, you get me. But, until i get a confirmation from you about freely taking it a step further, i will do whatever i can to maybe, just maybe, help you feel a bit less messy and steer thigs in my favore.“ „And what if it wont end as you hope it would? Can you be ok with just being my friend?“ i asked him. He looked at me for a moment, before answering. „Honestly“ he started“i cant say i wouldnt be dissapointed, a little hearth broken probably, but i would respect your choice. And yes, Maya, if that would be so, i would gladly be just your friend.“ “Thanks, Phil, i appriciate all you said.“ I told him „I was kinda affraid of having this conversation with you.“ „You, affraid? I cant belive that“ he said, teasingly „Belive me, i was scared as hell.“ I said, adding to it „But im glad we had it. I didnt want it to become aqward between us at some point.“ „Not gonna happen.“ He said, winking at me. I smiled „Shit, you know, even thou i had enough yesterday, i could actualy use a drink right now.“ Phil lughed so hard „Awww, you really did get scared. We are in a bar afterall, you just say the words and ill bring you that drink.“ He said, looking at me with one raised eyebrow. „Only if you join me“ i said, grining at him „ And if you dont tell Jessy about it.“ He got up from the booth, smiling and winking before he left for the bar „Deal!“

#duskwood fanfic #duskwood #duskwood mc #duskwood phil #duskwood jessy

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theblogtini · 3 years

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The prospect of any kind of coordination between the Sussex and the BRF if terrifying, and not just because the Sussexes are deeply disliked in the UK but because if implies a level of underhandedness and duplicity on behalf of the palace that would never fly. locals have been rallying around TQ and RF like they havent done for a long while now; to learn that we’ve all been shading tears for them while they were pulling strings for the Sux would be Stomach turning. And probs widely seen as an admission of guilt. i thinks this is them, and all because a) they have some staff, who may not be entirely useless, if listened to and b)cause it is so inherently stupid and ….small potato; useless 20 min photo opp at WTC; her reading from her shitty book to kids in the middle of a pandemic when even parents cant get into the school. US officials probably gone overboard on their own (remember 12 car colonnade for a visit from Duchess of Gloucester a few years back, when here she’d get 2 cops max?) and it was clear that outside of the event itself, they only had their ridiculously inflated security detail. And they might be out but they still r royals, she has connections to the UN, white politicians want to rub shoulders with more or less victimised women of colour, and anyone can visit a school. Cars can be rented. Hell, it’s NY, they could have rented a horse drawn carriage. Celebs like Angelina Jolie have been doing this shit for years. u get to a certain level, red carpets roll even if u dont necessarily deserve to be on them. But I guess we’ll learn in time. Cause you know the phones are burning in every place. By Sunday morning, we’ll either get radio silence- which IMO might vindicate your theory a bit and holy shit- or some anonymous someone from BP will roll their eyes in print.

Yeah ... it would be nice to see a "Senior Royal Aide" give a "that was ridiculous" comment soon.

Honestly, I don't know if I even believe my theory myself, haha. But it's just something to ponder b/c the whole thing just seems so odd.

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illusionlockarchive · 5 years

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pazam: a mess, truly a mess

so i usually dont do these kind of posts, i guess you could say its a call out of some sort? but i never liked that word, i prefer rather to just compile sources on WHY people would believe that a certain person is not truly as nice and understanding as they seem. consider this more of a psa post, detailing on whats going on with pazam on the sfm community, why so many people are against them.

So, a while back, tumblr user jymble made a post on the main tag stating that pazam was transphobic. they linked back to this post, which contains screenshots of pazam in a group chat stating that they do not feel comfortable with the idea of trans people. now, this did happen 9 months ago, true. however, for the record, pazam is already an adult, 24 years old, so they should have some tact. and as further and more recent events will show, they actually havent changed that much at all, at least not as they claim.

the screenshots should be in the post, but here is a transcript

[Screenshot one]

Pazam:

What????? Why?????

I literally HAVE NOT been doing ANYTHING malicious to them

And if it did I apologized

Yes I do have discomfort about them but I keep it to myself

Why are you doing this????

[End screenshot one]

‘Them’ here refers to trans people in general. Notice the defensive and victimizing stance they almost immediately take upon being confronted about their feelings on trans people.

[Screenshot two]

elliott:

of COURSE you dont

sammaku:

Like specifically

Elliott hush

Pazam:

This whole concept of transness and changing your gender physically

I hate to say it again but it weirds me out and it makes me question my own gender which flings me into anxiety, depression, and obsession

sammaku:

Its fine to not understand but are you willing to learn about it

Pazam:

I don’t want to talk about this anymore

sammaku:

That depression anxiety and obsession just comes with gender issues

(the rest of the text is cut off)

[End Screenshot two]

notice once summaku asks them if they would at least be willing to learn about it, pazam immediately deflects it by saying they dont want to talk about it anymore.

[Screenshot three]

Pazam:

Seriously??? That’s all it takes????

Wow I’m a moron

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused to you

@.aziraphale @.elliott @.sammaku

I just don’t get this stuff period

And I’ve gotten into trouble with this stuff before

I’ll probably never understand it for the rest of my life but I’ll try to be more tactful around y’all

Especially since you’re all young

And I’m like an adult

[End screenshot three]

While at first this would seem like they had finally learned their lesson and apologized, the things they add on after the @s become quickly worrying. Not only do they admit to ‘have gotten into trouble with this stuff before’, meaning they have probably shown their transphobia in other places and been called out, but they also stand firmly on the fact that they will never understand it or ‘get’ it.

And of course, as jymble points out, the implication that the people they were talking to were only acting like that because they were young.

A while after this post was made, Pazam had posted an apology, and went onto contact jymble asking for the post with the evidence of their transphobic to be taken down. The reason? They were afraid people would see it and think they were still transphobic and not give them a chance.

In this more recent post, you can see the conversation play out between Pazam and jymbles. Long story short, Pazam feels that it’s unfair that that post is still up after they apologized, and jymble of course said they would rather not take it down, people deserve to know what they did and take their own conclusions, even if that involves avoiding them. How does Pazam respond? By flat out deleting the apology post. I’d love to show the apology post to give you both sides of the story but I cannot anymore, because Pazam in a very bizarre move just deleted it because they got mad a trans blogger wouldn’t take down their post with proof.

Here’s the transcript of the screenshots:

[Begin Conversation]

rebloggidy (Pazam’s personal):

I’m by no means transphobia-free after learning what I’ve done but at least I know my actions and am making an effort to be a better person towards trans people.

rebloggidy:

Hi again. So I hate to be that person but would it be ok if you took down that post about the transphobia claims? I know it took me 9 months to apologize but if people only see your side of the story and not realize the post I saw they’ll take it out of context and still think I’m transphobic. Do you understand?

jymble:

... i already told you im not taking down the post.

[jymble sends a screenshot of her own message in a previous conversation, the screenshot reads as follows:

however, i dont think im taking the post down, nor am i entirely comfortable with you interacting with me either. people deserve to know how you acted with this stuff, until youre really and truly *better* with it instead of just trying, and i was a direct target of it]

jymble:

you oughright told me "im by no means transphobia-free", word for word sorry, but i told you before. im not taking the post down.

rebloggidy:

I remember that. But what I'm trying to say to you is that if people who read it out of context will immediately think I'm still transphobic without the other side of it (my comment)

And I don't want people to think that in the future

jymble:

if people make assumptions without looking at the entire situation, thats on them

i am not deleting the post and thats final. people have a right to know what youve done, and they have a right to be uncomfortable

rebloggidy:

I'm ready to take down my post because frankly, I'm sick and tired of having to justifiy something that I did 9 months ago, and that people grow and learn even not 100% during that time and I'm ready to move on.

I'm still into smile for me and feel free to make a blacklist of my name so anybody who rbs my work on your dash can have it hidden or something.

Take care.

[End conversation]

a lot to unpack here, but perhaps most notable is when jymble simply stands her ground and tells pazam she wont take down the post, pazam straight up decides, without being told to or anything, that they should take down their apology. later on, they made a post stating why they deleted the post, and saying they had ‘been forced to’.

I also would love to link it here, but as of now of writing this, like, not even an hour or so after I had seen that post, it got deleted. The only memory I have of it is a conversation I had with my boyfriend about Pazam, in which I copypasted a fragment from that post that read:

“ So for those wondering where the apology post went, I was forced to delete it. I wanted to archive it in some way so I could pull it up for reference, but there was no way I could. Also I didn’t really want to see it every time on my blog because quite honestly it’s upsetting to look at.”

There are some lies and twisting of truths here. Pazam wasn’t forced to delete it, they decided they should do it as a way to somehow get back at jymble. And the excuse that it was upsetting for them to look at is just inexcusable, what matters most, letting people know of what youve done and that youre sorry, or just never addressing the situation?

But, well, I’m just hoping you’ll take my word for it. As you see, Pazam has officially deleted ANY traces of acknowledging this situation on their blog.

This worries me. If Pazam is truly as concerned that they will be seen as transphobic as they claim, why are they deleting anything that could give them a chance of showing their own side of the story?

Now, that is the end, for now, of Pazam’s history with transphobia. However! It is not the end for some other very shady things.

Namely, Pazam has consistently whitewashed characters from Smile For Me, specially Kamal, and when called out on it, simply deletes the asks.

Want to know how I know this?

I sent them an ask myself. I had come across this picture of Boris and Kamal:

And I knew that this wasn’t right. I can understand using light colors and doing watercolor, but if they can make Boris’ hair brown and vivid enough, why not Kamal? He looks like another character completely, or like he’s deathly sick!

So I sent them an anonymous ask, perhaps a bit exhasperated, true, and my wording could be better. It went something like: “i am begging you to draw kamal with darker skin”.

I waited, checked. But nothing came of it. They never answered it.

Pazam flat out ignored when they were told they had drawn a canonically brown man with skin way too light. Not even a lone text post saying ‘hey anon, i dont agree with you’ or ‘hey anon im sorry it wont happen again’. Nothing. No word, no opinion.

And with this situation going on with them evading responsibility, I can’t say I’m fully surprised.

And, yet another thing. People had expressed concern over the fact they had drawn their Flower Kid, who is 17, in very intimate and close positions with Dr. Habit. It included nuzzling faces, cuddling in bed together, wearing his coat...

And they did hear the claims this time. As of now, their Flower Kid is 24, according to them.

Except... They do not look 24. At. All.

this is a 12 year old. at best. short body, stubby legs, big head. those are all attributes of a very young character, usually children. like, legitimately, thats how childrens anatomy is in real life. the younger the person, the bigger their head is in proportion to their body.

We have already had an adult trying to justify drawing their flower kid who barely looked like an adult if at all in intimate situations with Habit. Let’s not let it slide by again.

And yes, I’m aware Pazam claims that those pictures were not supposed to be interpreted as romantic, ‘only platonic fluff’ and that they intend to keep it that way, but I have talked to my boyfriend who is a survivor and he said it very well could be a case of someone just trying to cover their tracks.

BUT, all that being said, maybe this one particular instance could be just us being wary. Still, it does not diminish all that they have done, specially ignoring the whitewashing claims.

What you are going to do with this information, I do not know. Maybe you don’t care and will keep reblogging their content. Maybe you’re disgusted by them. But I’m just here to give you the facts. Personally though, I’m not willing to give them much of a chance after the way they’ve behaved. They are 24 years old, three years older than me, and I think I could do a better job of handling a situation like this, frankly.

#don't be scared. i am here with you.#smile for me #smile for me game

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tootyfrootycasbooty · 4 years

Note

how do u think u are inspired by punk subculture and others like ska and alternatives... like i find it very cool and see u talk in ur blog, wanted to know more... do u have any recomendations? like films, books... anyway thanks have a nice day u r lovely!!

WOW big question with a big answer under the cut. lovely lovely elizabeth just did an interview w me for Berlin Art Link and i discuss punk & subculture & fandom in the context of my art practice and dissertation there!

my dad brought me up on the music very young, little babby me in the car singing along to the clash and the specials....it’s always just been a part of how i see myself, and i struggled w it a lot more when i was younger, it didn’t exactly mesh with being a black preteen/teen in one of the Whitest parts of the country. i think it will always be an influence i carry with me thru fashion and music tastes, and it’s been really nice in the last 2 years to kind of rediscover that part of myself bc i stopped acknowledging it for a big long time.

i am the most annoying defender of ska because The Internet has reduced this entire genre down to like...shitty third and fourth wave american ska which is ???? not even something i’ve ever really associated as ska, it’s so far removed. ska is a jamaican genre and it’s the precursor to rocksteady and reggae, and there’s a really interesting relationship between different subcultures in postwar britain who kind of transcend anti-black racism of the time to find common ground in black-british culture. a lot of that comes from ska - punk and skinhead culture have both been hugely whitewashed or misremembered by their more commercialised/infamous versions in the media, despite there being so much variance & nuance at the time, and when both were early in their incarnations they centred around ska and reggae. read: don letts, beautiful dreadhead brother/dj to the punks. my white dad introduced me to reggae bc he was punk, while my jamaican mum could not give a shit about it!! anyway i know more about 2-tone/second wave ska than the first bc i was obsessed w Ghost Town by the specials as a kid, and while writing my dissertation i realised how fantastic it is that was i was drawn to a genre that specifically marries black and white culture in britain through music, very audibly and visually too, and it’s just....overtly political while being outrageously fun....it’s very honest and timeless and now more than ever, it feels relevant. imo, ska was often hopeful/joyful (even if the lyrics weren’t necessarily) while punk was nihilistic. i think it’s also worth saying that british and american punk have very different histories and offshoots, even tho they happened at the same time and had many crossovers.

my recommendations, whew ok!

books: black by design - pauline black (AMAZING biography by singer of the selector, mixed race and adopted, i gasped so many times bc so many parts of this book reflected my exact feelings of discovering my own blackness, even tho our child & adolescent years were like...4-5 decades apart); lipstick kisses - greil marcus (very dense but mostly very interesting, altho it does go wildly off topic sometimes. comparing 20th century social history to medieval religious history etc. it’s wild. if u want an academic read about this is IT, the way he links the letterist & situationist international to punk is just *chefs kiss*....also in general v good commentary on how mass homogenous culture combined w a loss of true freedom via capitalism, eventually creates civil unrest like may 68 and punk.) and england’s dreaming - jon savage (the go-to history of punk, basically starting with malcolm mcclaren’s childhood and how his art school background combined w may 68 led to him & vivienne very consciously creating a stylised movement, but it rly covers a lot more than that)

more academic texts on punk: subculture, the meaning of style - dick hebdige (aka the very same bastard of I Love Dick); punk rock, so what - ed. roger sabin (this is a fantastic collection of essays on dif topics that u may not ever consider in relation to punk, but the ones on race, women, and commodity are fab...so good for solidifying the concept that punk existed beyond the sex pistols and was much more interesting than them too); i havent actually read any ska specific academic texts but i wld be interested to! also dayglo! the poly styrene story for my fave black punk leading lady

films & tv: this is england (of course...how i could i not...i implore u to watch the film and then each series bc the journey is spectacular & effortlessly shows how transient and changeable these subcultures could be as music and fashion and social circumstances change); farming by adewale akinnuoye-agbaje (big trigger warning for violent racism & internalised racism, so harrowing & worthwhile tho, i dont think it deserved the shoddy reviews it got...it rly undid me); dance craze by joe massot (2-tone documentary); sex & drugs & rock n roll (ian dury is great is often left out of punk conversations but he’s a big part of my childhood and stiff records was v influential to punk & post-punk)

just general good films abt subculture: northern soul (ive been going to northern soul nights since moving to london and the history is so interesting and i wish i could go back in time and BOOGIE my god it seems incredible....also see fiorucci made me hardcore, a video art piece by mark leckey); 24 hour party people; quadrophenia; the football factory (fun fact, my dad became a punk bc he didnt like football & was tired of being beaten up by footie fans lmao); velvet goldmine.

#i went ham on this sorry #u can ask a dweeb about their diss topic and expect a short answer #my art #kinda sorta not really but u know!!!!#Anonymous #ask and you shall receive

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5-seconds-of-fuck-me-please · 4 years

Text

I Do. (Post 1/2) (part 1 of ?)

Ashton.

"I just want a nice, normal guy to sweep me off my feet, and support my carmel vanilla coffee addiction. Is that so much to ask?!"

My best friend gave me an amused glance before dropping her gaze back towards her phone. I swear, that girl could hold two conversations face to face, surf facebook, and hold a buisness Skype call, all at the same time. A.D.D., they name is Rae.

"I've set you up on five dates so far, and you havent lasted longer then ten minutes with any of them," she countered. "So how about this...you tell me your dream guy, and I'll work off of that."

I sighed, tapping my foot nervously against the metal rung of the coffee shop table. I was always fidgeting. Whether it was shaking my foot, drumming my nails along the table, or pacing aimlessly around, I was always moving.

"I don't know," I sighed out on a breath. Picking up my iced vanilla, butterscotch, and chai latte, I took a sip before responding. "Dont you know anyone that actually has a life?"

Rae glanced up at me, cocking an eyebrow. "A life? Like, the other 5 were dead?"

I groaned. "The first guy had the ambition of a goldfish. Second guy wanted me to move into his mother's basement with him. Third guy was perfectly content to be a cashier th erest of his life and didnt want to even think about making more than minimum wage or he would loose government assistance.....shall I go on?"

Rae gave a throaty chuckle, causing three random guys to stop their conversations and look her way. She just had that way about her.

"Tell you what," she mused out loud. "Since the last five was a complete disaster, and I thought they would have been perfect for you, the next guy I pick will be the one who I think you'll hate the most. So.... Here's what I want from you. You pick what you want him to wear. You pick if you want flowers or not. And you pick the place to meet for drinks, dinner, movie...whatever. deal?"

I thought about it for a moment, the shrugged. "Fine. I want to come here. This coffee shop. No flowers. No expectations. I'll even pay for the both of our drinks. But he has to have a job. A good job. Or at least have a goal in mind," I amended.

Rae nodded. "Tell me more. Actually, tell me your dream. What's your fantasy date for this coffee. Close your eyes and describe the guy to me. What is he wearing. What does he look like. What is he drinking?"

I laughed, but saw the amusement in her eyes. Deciding to play along, I closed my eyes and tilted my head slightly back.

"White button down shirt with the sleeves rolled back a bit. Nice jeans, probably faded with a hole in the leg," I laughed out. "Gorgeous smile because he laughs a whole lot and has an amazing sense of humor. Eyes that are kind and sparkle. Shaggy hair that probably falls into his eyes...." I trailed off.

"Sounds like quite the catch," Rae laughed out on a breath. She sounded amused, which kind of worried me a bit.

I opened my eyes and glanced at her. "Why do you sound like you just ate a canary?"

Rae's eyes sparkled as she tried to suppress a smile. "I know who would be perfect for you, and...he should be here in about two minutes."

My jaw dropped to the floor. "What?! Theres no way you could have called someone and set it up so fast. You had this planned!" I shrieked. Not because she set me up, but because she didnt warn me.

I was dressed in my -I dont give a shit, today is my day off- clothes. A pair of faded dark grey sweatpants with a hole in the left knee, dark green jumper with a faded brand logo running down the arm, and hair unbrushed and tossed into a messy bun. Plus I was still wearing yesterdays makeup which had faded to a lovely raccoon inspired look.

"This wasnt a setup," she argued lovingly, tossing her hands up to her side quickly. "Swear it. You know i was meeting a few friends here today. One of them would be perfect for you."

I eyed her warily. "The so-called friends that are mysteriously out of the country doing something tha you refuse to tell me, along with their names? The ones who you are best friends with...yet I know nothing about, and we have been best friends since middle school?!" I mused, scrunching my nose up at the thought.

Granted, my and Rae are best friends for over 15 years now, but there was a random 2 year period where were were heavily into the party and drug scene. We kinda split ways and didnt talk for 2 years, then both of us, separately, decided to get our lives in order and somehow reconnected as if nothing had happened.

Strange how life works out.

"They aren't...." I trailed off.

"They were, " she nodded. "Not anymore tho. I used to hang out and binge with them tho. They cleaned their lives up as well. Just took them longer."

I nodded, glancing down at my almost empty iced coffee as I dragged my nails along the styrofoam, making patterns on the cup. "I'm willing to give it a go I guess. Coffee never hurt anyone, right?"

"Right," she agreed, glancing down once again to her phone to resume whatever multi-conversation she was having.

I didnt realize until a few minutes later that I was humming and singing along the the songs playing over the cafe speakers.

"Do you like this band?" She asked randomly, not taking her focus from her phone.

"Love them," I remarked, not really paying attention. "I just got their new album yesterday actually."

She made a small chuckle. "Let me guess then...you were always a guitar or lead singer chick. So.... Luke?"

I grinned, breaking my gaze away from all the pretty little designs my nails etched into my now empty coffee cup. " Usually , yes you would have been correct. And while he is hot, as is the othe guitarist...my heart lies elsewhere in the band."

"Bassist?" She chanced, finally placing her phone down and looking up. Her eyes darted over my shoulder, then came back to focus on my face. A grin broke out, smile so wide it reminded me of the Cheshire cat.

"Um, nooo," I drawled. "I actually seemed to be drawn to.....why the hell are you staring a time like that?!" I asked, breaking the conversation. "You look fucking creepy."

Her eyes seemed to dart over my shoulder again to where the cashier counter was, then back to me again. "So the drummer then?" She mused, not bothering to hide the grin. "You have a thing for the drummer?"

I continued to stare at her, trying to puzzle out what the hell was making her act so weird. "Yeah...?" I dragged out.

"Hmmm, and why would that be? I'm honestly curious. Usually you always go for the guitar rock-God type for looks."

I cocked my head to the side. "You really want an answer?"

Rae grinned again. Nodding her head emphatically. "Oh yes. Please, by all means."

I shrugged, taking the last small sip from my coffee. "He always seemed the most put together. Knows how to laugh, but always seems polite. Has an amazing voice, but would rather be in the background playing his heart out. And he gives out total Daddy vibes," I joked. "Plus, he is seriously hot. They all are in that band actually."

Rae burst out laughing, covering her mouth with both hands. I swear, tears started to form in her eyes.

I just stared at her. "Seriously Rae, what has gotten into you today?! What's so funny?"

Her eyes darted behind me once again, but this time she nodded. I didnt even have a chance to turn around to see what she was looking at before an arm snaking over my shoulder, placing a styrofoam cup in front of me.

"You can call me Daddy if you feel the need to, but I prefer Ashton on a first date," a voice said.

I closed my eyes tightly, slowly opening them as panic filled me. My eyes traveled from the coffee, up to a bare forearm dusted in dark golden hair, to a shoulder and chest that had a white button shirt...sleeves rolled back.

Damn, but did Rae tell him how to dress?

He smirked at my dazed expression, while Rae finally got herself under control. "I didnt tell him," she rasped out, still trying to hide the amusement as she spoke. " He really was randomly dressed like that to come here."

Ashton raised a brow as he pulled up a chair, leaning over to give Rae a quick one-armed hug before sitting on the chair backwards between us.

He reached over, palm up while smiling at me. "She did however, demand that I randomly walk in and order you a vanilla butterscotch coffee without even telling me your name, or why I was buying you one. I'm being set up on a date, I take it?" He questioned again, glancing to Rae for affirmation before looking back at me, then down to his still extended hand. "Do I get a name? Or should I introduce myself again?"

I shook my head, trying to snap out of the surreal experience going on. Placing my hand in his, I cleared my throat. "You're Daddy, right?" I smirked, trying to fight the blush rising on my face. God, but do I hope he can take the joke.

His face split into a grin, laugh bursting out of his lips. "I like her," he chuckled, looking over to Rae. " This one actually knows what a joke is."

I grinned at that as he looked back at me. "I take it that Rae has tried setting you up before as well?" I questioned.

He nodded, a faint smile still gracing his lips. "One girl who decided living in her car way her dream goal. One who only ate foods that were yellow. And one who wanted to be a psychologist because she didnt understand how people laughed or why we smile at things."

My eyes went wide. "Wow. And here I thought I had it bad with the guy who only showered on days it rained cause that's how the bathtub got refilled."

Ashton let out another bark of laughter, breaking eye contact to speak to Rae once again. " You suck at setting people up. You know that?"

She raised a brow at that, stopping her cup of coffee in mid air before she could take a sip. "Oh, so should I not have introduced the two of you?" She asked, feigning a look of hurt. "And here I thought you were getting along fairly well."

Ashton shook his head. "Are you kidding me? this girl is horrible! Wont tell me her name, wont call me by mine, and she laughs at everything I say!" He rambled out. A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, but he didnt stop looking at her.

"And he isnt the greatest catch either, " I added. "Eavesdropped a private conversation, assumed I wanted him to pay for something. I didn't ask for without asking me. And he wont let me go," I added, flicking my gaze down to our still entwined hands.

Rae nodded, a huge, fake sight escaping past her parted lips. " okay, I give up. Sorry to waste your time, Ash. I'll take her home and be back in a few minutes to catch up with you all. I assume the others are on the way?" She asked, standing up and motioning for me to follow.

Ashton shook his head. " They are on the way. But you cant take her."

Without warning, he turned and licked a wet line up my jaw. "I licked her. Shes mine now."

My jaw dropped open, but rae looked amused. "Are you gunna pee on her too?"

He turned to look at me finally, slightly swaying our hands back and forth. "Is that your kink?"

"What?! No! Why would you ask that?!"

He shrugged. "Well, I know you have a Daddy kink, just had to be sure."

"I do NOT have a Daddy kink!" I hissed out, trying to pull my hand out from his grasp. "And why the hell did you lick me?"

He was having none of it. Keeping hold of my hand, he slowly brought it up to his lips and kissed the back of my hand before finally releasing his hold. "Cause I wanted to see what you tasted like. Vanilla, I like it." He winked.

"You do have a daddy kink," Rae interjected, laughing through her words. "I'm going to go get another coffee and grab 2 other tables for the guys. You two enjoy yourselves."

Ashton glanced at me before looking at Rae. "If I did that, we would be arrested and barred from this shop."

I think my heart stopped. Was I breathing?

"Mind if I go grab myself a drink?"

I blinked, trying to focus on his face once again. "Didn't you just order one while you were up there?"

He shook his head. "Only ordered yours. I wasnt sure if I wanted to stay once she told me she had a girl with her for me to meet."

"And now you are sure you want to stay?" I questioned.

He smiled. A sweet smile that lit up his eyes. "I think you are fucking perfect."

I blushed at that. "Yeah, right. Cause messy girl with raccoon eyes in your kink, right?"

He gave me an amusing look. "Like a guy in jeans and a white shirt is yours?" He retorted. A small sigh left his lips as he pulled out his phone and scrolled through a few messages. Once he found what he was looking for, he stopped and put the phone down on the table in front of me.

Raelyn- her fantasy sounds like you, in a white button down and a pair of worn out skinny Jean's. Just get your asses here!

Ash-and you are so sure I would like her? I sisnt agree to another date with your wacky high maintenance friends. They just want a sugar daddy.

Raelyn- shes sitting here in pajamas, messy hair, and yesterdays makeup. And she insists on buying our coffees every week. Still wanna pass her up?

Ash- ....be there in 5.

Raelyn- get her a butterscotch vanilla iced coffee.

Ash- thought she didnt want people to buy her shit?

Raelyn- then get it for me.

Ash- do I have to buy flowers or anything?

Raelyn- only if you want her to hit you with them.

Ash- I like her already.

I glanced up at Ashton, a small smile gracing my face. "So I guess it's my turn to buy you a coffee?"

He shrugged, swinging his leg back over the chair to sit down backwards on it once again. "If you insist. Pick whatever you think I would like."

I grinned this time. " whipped cream, cherries, and handcuffs?" I joked.

He beamed at me. "Nah, that's the second date. And woulsnt you know it....you already know what to call me then," he teased.

I laughed, walking away to get him a drink. I slid up alongside Rae, elbowing her in the side gently. "Are the other three coming?"

She smiled at me. "Yeah, be here any minute."

The barista asked up for our orders, while I pushed Rae's card back towards her. "I got them."

"That's 7 drinks you are paying for today," she reminded me.

"Glad your good at math," I remarked. "You can get the next round. And if they like me as a friend and we hang out in the future we can all take turns. If not, then I get to say that they are forever indebted to me. Win-win I say."

She shrugged, but didnt argue. "Fair play, that. I'll go shove the tables together and be back to help you carry them all."

But it wasnt her who came back over when the order was ready. It was Michael.

"HI," he practically yelled, squeezing me in a tight bear hug. "I'm Michael. Or Mike. Whatever."

"You seem overly happy to meet a stranger, " I laughed out, hugging him back just as tight before letting go.

"You made ashton happy," he shrugged, a huge smile on his face. "Anyone who can make his smile in the first few minutes of meeting him...especially lately, deserves to be treated like the fucking queen they are."

My brows shot up at that. "I'm a queen now. High praise. Does that make you the court jester?" I asked, handing him a cardboard tray with 4 drinks in it.

He grinned. "Sure. Anything else you wish me to carry, m'lady?"

I laughed and gave a curtsey. "Not at this time, good sir. Go forth and conquer the bistro que!"

Michael laughed, draping an arm across my shoulder while walking back to the now full tables. He set his 4 drinks down, then took one out of my hand and gave it to Rae before distributing the 4 he had.

"They're marked, and we all drink the same shit every time we go out," he explained. "The one you have is the only one I dont recognize so I assumed it is yours."

I shook my head and resumed my seat next to Ashton, with Luke next to me on the other side now. Michael and Calum were sat across from me. "Its for Ashton actually. He bought me my coffee and forgot to get his own."

"Trying to ditch her," Calum asked.

"Nope." Ashton stated. Simple. Direct. One word.

"Finally found a girl that will put up with your crazy-ass for longer than 10 minutes?" Like remarked.

"Gunna marry this one, mate," Ashton laughed out.

"Shit, you move fast," Michael snorted. "And here I was being engaged for over a year already. What am I doing wrong?"

"You actually asked your fiancee," Luke answered. "Ashton will just be standing in front of the magistrate with a blowup doll."

Everyone laughed, including me Ashton fake pouted, poking me in the side before lacing his fingers through mine. My heart gave a little flitter, but I didnt pull away.

"Come on, Love, you're supposed to defend our relationship!"

I chuckled. "Yes sir. Would you like to get married now, sir? I think I still have my old bicycle pump in my garage if you need it. And some duct tape in case your fiancee gets a hole."

He threw his head back and laughed, tightening his grip on my hand. Not hard, but in acknowledgment that it was a good laugh. "Fuck the lot of you."

"Damn, already cheating on me. And with three other men no less," I crooned, pouting my lips.

That caused another round of laughter.

"I think I'm in love with your girlfriend, " Calum huffed out. "She knows how to give back shit we dish out."

"Dont be hitting on my wife," Ashton fake growled. "I worked hard on this relationship!"

"Oh yeah? What's her name?" Rae jumped in, bemused laughter lacing each word.

A slow silence fell across the table, followed by abrupt laughter for everyone.

"Oh. My. God. You didnt even ask her what her name is yet?!" Michael bellowed, tears forming in his eyes. "I can see it now. The priest standing there like do you take this girl for your wife? And you being like, who's that?"

"Fuck all of you," Ashton gasped out through laughter again. "I'm gunna marry her one day and then shes gunna kick your asses for making fun of me."

I grinned, reaching over to poke my finger into his dimple. "Yeah? I'll kick their asses for you if you ask, darling." I agreed. "Just as soon as you get my attention and ask me. Oooh, right. You can't. Dont know my name," I beamed.

He threw back his head and chuckled. "Fuck you too, sweetheart," he remarked, leaning over to place a quick kiss to my cheek.

"Only if you scream my name out while you do," I joked.

"Fuck, but do I love a smart mouth," he agreed.

The conversation flowed easily. Two more rounds of drinks were bought over the course of a few hours, until the cafe was getting ready to close.

We all agreed to meet up next weekend, have enjoyed each others company and realizing the six of us were going to be amazing friends.

"Can we bring our girls next week?" Luke asked.

"Hell yeah " I agreed readily. "Me and Rae need all the help we can get against you four."

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sleepinglionhearts · 5 years

Note

If you feel like it (or if you have drawings of them that you havent posted before), could you please share some of your robin and Libra? Scratch that, even headcanons are great! I just love seeing them so much :') i honestly didnt think id love Libra as much as i do now bc of you 😩👏

Libra is a lovely character and deserves... a lot of love. I am glad I have influenced you into loving him! It was the plan all along, obviously.

It turns out that I have so many things I want to draw about them that I have more headcanons and notes about things to eventually draw than I actually have art of them (also it’s scattered across sketchbooks and I can’t find all I have drawn) but I do have some art to share. For now though, you can take some of the headcanons/things I have listed out to draw later about Robin and Libra.

So for that Awakening AU that I mention often and draw about a lot:

-yes i went ahead and tagged what i think is most of the posts for the au here so if you wanna go through those (I’ll keep looking and trying to make sure it all gets put into the tag)

-their first official meeting occurs as Robin is out for a jog in a local park, she gets distracted by Libra (who’s really just minding his own business working on some sketches in his free time because he likes that) and… jogs herself directly into the little duck pond by the sidewalk track she’s on. As she is thinking to herself “oh man, I hope he didn’t see that” while dragging herself out of the water, she looks up and makes direct eye contact as he’s heading over to help (because of course he DID see the whole thing happen). SHE RUNS. And she later complains to her work friends and Lissa that she embarrassed herself in front of a cute guy.

-speaking of Lissa, she’s friends with both Libra and Robin (though through different social circles; Robin works with Chrom and they became friends and she’s involved in the local church community, where she met Libra) but at this point can’t quite put together that the “cute guy I embarrassed myself in front of” and “the rather nice looking but clumsy jogger I got worried about because I watched her run straight into the lake” are her friends talking about each other. She is also clueless when the two later start talking about other awkward encounters with each other and then even later when they start dating. Something comes up where she asks Robin to come help her run an errand but oh, they’re going to be meeting up with one of her friends, is that ok? And then when they all meet up she’s ready to introduce Robin and Libra, who both start laughing, like “this is who you wanted me to meet? We already know each other! I thought you knew!” [cue Lissa yelling] [cue further yelling from Lissa when she realizes that they’re romantically involved]

-the proposal happens very accidentally, in a bad case of “decided to get the ring today, was gonna plan when to actually propose, got invited on an impromptu walk in the park, and the box with the ring in it fell out of my pocket and she picked it up and started crying right there on the sidewalk”

-there is a lot of “I LOVE MY HUSBAND/I LOVE MY WIFE” yelling and then subsequent crying of happy tears because both are like “I really didn’t expect this to ever happen to me but I’m very content with it and maybe life isn’t that bad”

-the happy crying due to overwhelmingly happy emotions totally intensifies when Morgan comes along

-Libra is the one who primarily stays home with Morgan, by the way, in case what little info one could glean from the content I have posted about this AU wasn’t clear on that

-Robin and Chrom are like.. Best Bros and all, he helped her out after she escaped her family, she’s workin for him and all (but don’t ask me what they do, you think I’ve planned specifics like that? nope) and after she becomes involved with Libra, Chrom finds himself interacting with Libra a lot more often. They already know each other via Lissa and it’s not that they don’t like each other, it’s just that every single interaction Libra has with Chrom is painfully awkward. That remains the same.

There’s a lot more but I can’t think of anything else I wanna include at the moment! I hope that satisfies your questioning for some headcanons and whatnot.

Also, here! Have some art! A lot are just sketches or thumbnails for other stuff but I haven’t gotten around to doing anything with them since I started them.

#Anonymous #reply #answered #awakening au #fire emblem #long post #robin #libra #morgan #henry #my art #fe art tag #there's a lot here and on the one hand #i dunno how i feel about sharing my ideas #mostly bc i worry they'll be thought of as stupid #and i will be ridiculed #but on the other hand i was so happy and excited to get an ask like this!#so thank you!#there's like... so much more i could have gone into #but the post is already pretty long #and i'm not sure i wanted to make it any longer #guess i gotta draw more stuff about this au then #i have a lot of stuff about the other characters too #other relationships...#i think somewhere i have drawings of panne and yarne which are especially cute #and some stuff about sully and her family #some more nonsense with sumia and lissa and olivia #anyway whatever just know i have so much content planned #and i joke about it with friends #i just haven't gotten around to drawing it yet hhahahaha

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the-queer-look · 5 years

Text

flannel scarf and glitter hairspray

Name:Adrian

Age: 25

Sexuality: Demisexual, Lesbian

Gender: Genderfluid

Occupation: Banking – postgrad english major

Location: Campsie

I like to present myself in an androgynous way. Most of my clothing is pretty masculine in the sense that I do prefer pants and a shirt for comfort reasons, but if it’s a hot day, I’ll wear a dress, and I don’t feel invalidated by that. I still enjoy slight touches of feminine influences in my life, and definitely don’t shy away from traditionally feminine colours or anything like that. I don’t use makeup, but mostly that’s because I don’t know how to use it, rather than not liking it. I’ll put on eyeliner and lipstick and be done. My girlfriend will suggest foundation or contouring, and I just say “nah I’m good” and don’t bother to learn. I have a glitter hairspray that I use to seal in my makeup on the few occasions I do try to use it, and it gives me a nice sparkle. Probably terrible for my skin though.

Growing up as a Muslim, I frequently get asked “When did you know?” in reference to being a lesbian, and when I came out to my friends I had a bit which I’d rehearsed to explain it. When I was around thirteen, this exchange student came to our school and I was very quickly drawn to her. She was very good at art, and a very cool person, which let me have the incredibly lesbian chat to myself of “I just want to be her best friend!” I remember writing specifically in my diary “I just want a best friend. Just friends, not gay.” we got really close, and I eventually came out to her, and told her that I liked her, and she was accepting of it, which was nice, and we both then had to manage our way around her realising that she was asexual, all while we were thirteen. Her being asexual wasn’t off-putting to me, I was just thirteen and didn’t know how to approach it. Hell, she didn’t know how to approach it, because she didn’t know the label for it.

After that, I began to examine the relationships I’d had with other girls all my life. When I was very young, I remember thinking to myself “I wish I was a boy” because all of the boys in my class make my friends cry, and I think that if I were a boy, I could just make them happy, if I were a boy I’d know how to be better to them. But looking back at it I just… I was so gay, and just trying to be as straight about it as possible. I thought it would be fine if I were a boy, because then I would be allowed to like the girls and they would be happy with me. I also remember sitting in a circle in school and playing a spin the bottle truth or dare game, and always getting offended if someone didnt answer the obligatory “if anyone in our class was a boy, who would you date” question with me. If I was second choice? Offended hahaha.

I feel like there wasn’t much of a change in the way I presented myself from before realising I was gay to after, because I already accidentally dressed like a stereotypical lesbian. I guess I picked up a few extra flannels? And before it was just “I like flannel” and then became “flannel makes me gay, and gay people will know that im gay, and I wear a headscarf, so I need to let other gays know that I too am gay, so I will wear a flannel over my headscarf, and that will be my signal to all the other gays that I too am in fact gay.” and it worked great.

Realising that I was genderfluid was a much more drawn out process. When I turned eighteen I started to enjoy it when people would mistake me for a boy, I was beginning to dress very androgynously, my voice is deeper than an average cis girl, y’know. After I took off my scarf and got na undercut, people would mistake me even more. I eventually went and made a facebook account using the name Adrian, a close anagram of my dead name because I wanted to have an online space where I could be me and apart from my family. But then people who I knew in real life who’d added my new profile started calling me Adrian to my face and at first I, or my girlfriend at the time would correct them, but soon I realised that I kinda liked it, and I’d like to just go by Adrian. And that started to lead me to the point where I was examining my gender, and learning about different terms for trans and intersex people, and I thought that maybe nonbinary would be cool. I thought for a long time that I might just be a trans boy, but I also really didn’t want to go through the transition process, I’ve never wanted to go on testosterone, or have top surgery, or be wholly one of the boys. I’ve always felt comfortable in the little inbetween between boys and girls, the concept of gender as a spectrum is a very positive one for me, and I like existing somewhere on that spectrum. Genderfluid feels most comfortable for me right now, I like being able to embrace both my masculine and feminine side at will, and it suits the changing nature of my personality, and I hate the idea of sticking in the box of binary gender.

I feel like my presentation changed after realising my genderfluidity. Not so much in embracing my masculinity, but instead in embracing my femininity. I had always felt like maybe I couldnt be feminine because of how llong id spent dressig in a traditionally masculine style, but after realising that I was genderfluid, I made an effort to express that side of myself, and to not be boxed in by conventions.

I feel like stereotypes can be a bit of fun I the lesbian community, like when I was just coming out and still dressing as a very muslim woman, flannels were honestly my godsend, I felt gay even though I didnt look gay, I could just have the flannel on with my scarf and identify myself to the community. But at the same time there are a lot of stereotypes that I don’t like – there’s a lot of biphobia, based on bisexuals wanting to have fun with girls, but not settle down with girls. And that sort of negative stereotype annoys me because it’s just gatekeeping at that point, by saying that you cant really be into girls if you’re also into guys. It also invalidates the experiences of everyone who had to practice compulsory heteronormativity when they were kids, because we were always told that boys being with girls was the default, and that was what we were supposed to go for. Some people’s lesbian inner voice isnt as loud as other peoples, they would have dated men, but that doesn’t make them any less gay than anyone else. I hate the idea of gold star lesbians, just because you havent slept with a man doesnt make you better than someone who doesnt. I’ve never slept with a man, but I dont feel more valid than anyone else, if anything I feel less valid because they at least have had the experience to know that they’re definitively gay. When they’re in a bit of fun, stereotypes can be fun, but when they turn that corner into something toxic, it becomes a real problem which we need to be much more vocal about criticising and removing from society.

I feel like there are more and more mainstream shows that are coming out and showing positive representations of the LGBT experience. They do lean on stereotypical looks for their characters, but I feel like thats just visual shorthand so they dont have to do a lot of work with the characters, and can just front load a lot of their personality through their outfits.

I know for a fact that the internet is and will continue to be an incredible resource for queer people, as it gives us a chance to create a safe space to explore our identities in private. I for one wouldnt have even known that lesbianism was a thing without the internet because of my sheltered upbringing.

full gallery on facebook

#genderfluid #lgbt #LGBTQIA+#gay #lesbian #demi #demisexual #photography #identity #interview #portrait #muslim #queer #pride

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zmayadw · 3 years

Text

Hello to all :)

Time for the next part!

Wish you all a wonderful evening! :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 13

We continued enjoying our time, as Aurora got more crowded with people. At some point Cleo showed up, coming to say hi to us, as she was here to meet with Hannah and the others . She had one drink with us before going to sit with them, telling how she is bussy helping her mom at the Gates of Hope with redecorating and other stuff, but she hopes all will be done soon, so we can finaly meet in peace. As it got more crowded with people, Phil was busy and also didnt have much time to have fun with us. Jessy was in a quite good mood, joking and drinking, it was nice seeing her like that.The music playing was good. There was a mixture of everything, from 80's till present day. A song started and Jessy grabbed my hand „Ohhh, lets dance, Maya, i love this song!“ I had no chance to say anything, as Jessy lead me half way to the dance floor already. She started dancing, and i couldnt do anythign but join her. And we had fun. I needed this, i tought, just some simple fun with good friends. Dan joined us from time to time, showing off his killer dancing skills. Phil was passing by us few times, going to one of the booths or tables, always winking at me with that devilish grin of his. One of the times, as Jessy and me wer dancing Phil came from behind me, wraping his free hand arround my waist and squeezing agains me. We just moved with the rhythm of the music for a while, before he groaned at my ear „Arghh, as much as i would love to stay here with you gorgeous, but work is calling.“ I grined at him, as he let go of me slowely „Aww, next time then.“ As much as i liked it, i hoped Jake didnt see this. I wouldnt want him to get the wrong idea about Phil and me. I really wanted to know where i stand with him, but this noncomunication between us wasnt helping. Lily told me to be patient, but as i told Jessy, my patiance is running short. I leaned to Jessy telling her i need to go sit down for a while, and we returned at the bar. Dan and Thomas wer there talking, and both got up from the stools letting us sit as we came. Thomas smiled at us „You two really got it going on tonight.“ He turned to Dan saying teasingly „You better be careful,man, and keep her close to you“ He pointed at Jessy „They wer smoking hot on the floor, dont let someone steel her.“ Jessy grined at Thomas „Let him sweat a little, he might appriciate me more then.“ „Awww, babe, dont be cruel, you know i appriciate you.“ Dan told her, being dramatic as always, making a puppy face. „Ohh, shus it, you big goof, and lets dance.“ She told him, taking him by the hand to the dance floor. Thomas turned to me „So, can i presume all is good between Lily and you now?“ „I guess you can.“ I told him, and he smiled „Thats good to heare.“ A waiter came with two drinks, handing them to Thomas. „Guess then soon we can all get together again, without any drama.“ „Definatly!“ i said, smiling. He smiled back „Good. Well, have fun, Maya, see you arround.“ I waved at the waiter asking for a mineral water, i was really thursty from all the dancing. I checked my phone, it was after 3, and i noticed a missed call sign. I opened the call log, and when i saw it was another of those hidden numbers, my mood darkened all of a sudden. What is going on here, i touhgt, thess calls are starting to get me worried. Jessy and Dan returned from dancing, and i decided i had enough for the night. This thing shook me up good, and i doubted i could enjoy the evening anymore. I told Jessy i'd be going, to wich she protested a bit, but hugged me and said to call her for coffee any time im up for it. I took my things, waving them goodby. As i was near the entrance, i saw Phil, so i waved at him, he winked and made a phone gesture with his hand, suggesting we'll be talking soon.

As i left the Aurora, cool night air washed over me, so i put my jacket on. I got to my car, just leaning on the side of it, my mind still thinking of those damn calls. They are starting to freak me out a bit, and that sinister feeling started to creep up to me again. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, when a voice said „Are you ok?“ I opened my eyes, seeing Jake standing infront of me. I managed to barely make a smile at him „Yeah, im fine.“ He was looking at me, those deep eyes scaning every inch of my face, like he knew what i said wasnt true. „Just tired, i guess.“ I added, giving him a bit bigger smile, wich seemed to make him belive me. He leaned on the car next to me, and we just stood there in silence for a while. I get restless every time im close to him, my hands itch to just grab him and pull him closer. „You look good, by the way.“ He said after a while, giving me a shy look. His words snaped me from my fantasizing, and i smiled and winked at him „Thanks, glad you noticed.“ „Ofcourse i did, i do have eyes, you know.“ He said teasingly. I turned towards him making a gesture of bevilderment as i said „Oh my, he can joke!“ „I try my best.“ He said, smiling. Oh that beautiful smile, i tought again, making me smile, too. „You going back in?“ he asked. „No.“ I started „I'm actualy contemplating should i walk or drive back to the motel.“ „And how's that going for you?“ he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. „Well, considering im still standing here doing non of the above, i would say not good.“ I replied, sighing desperatly. He chuckled at me „Hmm, well, how about I drive you back to the motel?“ I looked at him surprised, not really expecting it „You would do that?“ He smiled shyly at me „I would“ pausing a bit, before adding „For you.“ My heart started beeting like crazy, and i could feel heet comming to my cheeks. This night really is interesting. „Umm, well, sure, i'd like that.“ I told him. „But, you dont mind walking back again?“ i asked. „No, its fine.“ „Alright then, lets go.“ I told him, taking my keys out of my purse handing them to him. Our palms touched as i gave him the keys, and our eyes met. He moved his hand slowly away, taking the key, giving me goosebumps. I barely glued myself of the car to let him get in. I got in myself as he started the car and we drow from the Auroras parking. It wouldnt take us long to the motel, and i wished the ride wasnt that short. I noticed he was driving slower then you would normaly drive, as if sharing my toughts himself. I felt nervous, my head was blank, i didnt know what to say. All of a sudden, a tought crossed my mind. „Hey, Jake, can i ask you something?“ „Sure.“ He said, sounding relieved the awkward silence got broken. „Well, i just tought, i havent had a chance to ask you before. Wern't you in some kind of trouble, if im not mistaken?“ i paused before continuing. „I mean, we never discussed it any further. And since you're here at Duskwood for quite some time now already, i was just wondering what's up with all that.“ „You're right“ he started, glancing shortly at me, focusing back on the road „Short version: lets say i made a deal with some people, making sure i'll be left at peace.“ „A deal“ i started „You didnt threaten anyone, or something like that?“ „What?“ he said, „Ofcourse not! What made you ask that?“ „Hey, its a legit question.“ I told him, rising my hands up. „You can understand why a tought like that might cross my mind.“ He was silent for a moment before saying „Ok, fair enough. But, no, i didnt threaten anyone, if that makes you feel better.“ „It does. I just dont want for things to get complex for you again.“ I said, adding after a little pause, my voice getting a bit sadder „Or you dissapearing again.“ He looked at me with such tenderness, slowing the drive even more now „Dont worry, Maya, i'm not going anywhere.“ I smiled at him „Good.“ He turned his head, focusing on the road again, and i realized we came at the motel. He parked close to my room. Neither of us was eager to leave the car, so we just sat there in silence for a moment. I had a felling he wanted to say something, but wasnt sure about it. I finaly managed to force myself to leave the car. I was about to pull the door handle, when Jake suddenly said „Wait.“ I turned towards him. „Can i ask you something now?“ „Sure“ i said, even tho i had a feeling i wouldnt really like the question. He got all nervouse, but finaly asked „You and Phil.. is there something happening?“ Oh,no,no,no, i tought, why he had to ask it. The night would end perfectly without this. I groaned pleadingly at him „Ugh, can we not talk about Phil now, please.“ „Why not?“ he asked, and i noticed his nervousness intensifing. „Because i dont know what to tell you, Jake.“ „How about the truth?“ he said. „I cant do that.“ He looked at me confused „Why not?“ „Because i myself dont know what the truth is.“ I groaned, leaving the car. He left the car, closing the door and walking over to me handing me the keys „What do you mean?“ „I mean, i'm a mess, Jake.“ I started „I dont know what to think any more. You want the truth? Fine. Yes, i like Phil, i cant denie it. We clicked, i feel good arround him, thats the truth.“ My words stung him, and he barely managed to say „I see.“ He leaned with his back against the car, steadying himself. But i wasnt finished yet. „And then there's you, Jake“ i started, my voice full of compassion and tenderness. He looked at me, his eyes meeting mine. „I like you, too. I like you so much, that it hurts.“ I paused a bit before i continued. „Im drawn to you like a magnet, i cant pull off. But, its like, every time the magnets are about to connect, one switches polarity and the other is thrown aback. Its driving me insane! With Phil, everything flows easy. But with you, its everything but easy.“ „Maya, i know i'm not the easiest person..“ he started to say, but i held my fingers to his lips, not leting him speak.They wer so soft and warm, i had to focuse hard on what i wanted to say. „I know, its not easy for you to open up, to let people in. I get it. And i know i said i can wait, that i'll be patiente. But my patiance is fading. I dont know how much longer i can go on like this, Jake. Its tearing me up inside.“ As i said it, i leaned my forehead to his, putting both of my arms to his chest,leaning against him. We just stayed like that for a while. Being this close to him, and the warmth of his body radiating - i felt serene. His heart was beeting fast, probably matching mine. I could stay like this forever, i tought, but i needed to continue. I was waiting for this, to finaly tell him what was on my mind. „I need to know what might be of us.“ I said „If there even exists the posibility of 'us'.“ We stayed like that for a while more, non of us daraing to move or speak, before i slowely pulled away from him. I sighed „You dont have to say anything now. Just, think about what i said. You know where to find me if you want to talk.“ I leaned to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek „Good night, Jake. Thanks for the ride.“ I turned walking slowly towards my room, when i heard him say „Good night, Maya, sweet dreams.“ I turned back, not stopping in my steps, giving him one more smile, him smiling back. I hoped me opening up like this will make him finaly understand the depths of my feelings. I knew there was a posibility he might not feel the same, but i didnt care of it now. I did what i could, i told him how i feel, now he holds all the cards. I unlocked my door and entered the room, kicking my boots off, throwing myself on the bed. What an interesting night it was, i tought smiling, covering myself with blanket and letting sleep take over me.

#duskwood #duskwood fanfic #duskwood jessy #duskwood dan #duskwood mc #duskwood jake #duskwood aurora

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