#i havent posted the new version of him yet tho

[arolesbianism]

Every now and then I remember that oni in fact will eventually have more lore added and I get so excited and scared for a moment and then I remember that it could take months until we see any of that and I proceed to forget abt it again and the cycle repeats

[spamsandsuch]

okay since like, Ive gotten a lot of new followers these past couple of months (thanks so much btw!!! Idk why u follow me but I apprecriate it !!) i figured hey! I should make a navigation post for my tags and stuff ! Maybe itll help some users who wanna look at my stuff but dont wanna scroll all the way through my blog, or some other reason ! Either way, ive been meaning to make something like this for awhile now so lets go

Tag navigation:

For my creations or asks:

#my art — this tag includes all (at least, I believe all) of my artwork Ive posted on this blog, if you like my art youll find a lot of it there

#my writing — this is where i post most of my larger writing (whether its my theories, headcanons, or fics). Note that this tag is mostly intended for my lengthier writing and not my shorter headcanon posts, nor is it used for regular text posts

#my comics — this is where is where most of my comics are, or also art posts that include a comic ive made in the same post

#asks — This is where the asks I’ve answered should be. Some asks include art or writing

For my headcanons/aus:

#inl1997 au — This is where I post my more relevant posts for my Deltarune au called “It’s No Longer 1997”. It’s a canon-adjacent au that’s an interpretation of Jevil and Spamton’s backstories, and tries to use canon rules (and extensions/headcanons of them) thats been shown so far in ch. 1 and 2 (I say “try” because Im just one person, so I may occasionally make mistakes). As I continue to study the deltarune lore some information in this au is bound to change as I get different ideas, so some posts in this tag may be outdated; Ive decided to keep them up to show my growth, though. Also, I realize a lot of the post in these tags are art posts — that’s because I personally find it easier to express my ideas through art than writing (I apologize if some posts dont make sense cuz of that). Btw, if you like my spamton angst stuff, this is where most of that should be lol

#afttp au — This is for my other au called “Adds for the Therapeutic,” a post-ch. 2 au about Spamton (or Tonnie, as I sometimes call him) moving in with the addisons in Castle Town (on his own accord) and getting group therapy with them as well as individual therapy. Though it is about Spamton’s recovery, it’s also includes slice-of-life stuff revolving around its new life (tho theres occasionally angst too). If you like my addison stuff, this is also where most of that is

#my headcanons — this is where my deltarune headcanons are, whether theyre written or drawn. Note that a lot of my headcanons relate to both of my aus

For characters:

***Note: this is mostly for characters I post most often. If its any other character, try searching their name (or their name followed by “deltarune”) in the search bar of my blog. If their name doesn’t show up, it means I likely havent drawn or written about them yet (or tumblr is being broken, tho i havent come across a problem like that yet)

#spamtonposting — this includes posts that are mainly about spamton, or include a considerable amount of spamton stuff in it. If youre searching for specific stages of my spamton, then the following are: #spam e. mail (for addispam, though #addison spamton works too), #bigshot spamton, #spamton, and #spamton neo

#addisonposting — same as above, but with my versions of the addisons instead. If youre looking for specific addisons they are: #sam p. ler or #blue addison, #blowse or #orange addison, #percy wade or #pink addison, and #pops or #yellow addison. If youre looking for specific addison ships, I use #spamblue and #pinkyellow

#jevilposting — this is where most of my jevil stuff is, similar to spamton and the adds. If you wanna look for my “pre-corruption” jevil stuff, that would also be under the tag #jokir

#scc posting — this is where most of my posts for Sweet Cap’n Cakes are. As of right now, I dont have specified tags (as in, that end in “—posting”) dedicated for each individual in the trio, though that may change in the future (so again, if youre looking for a specific character in the scc gang, see my note above).

That should be all for now, though I apologize that my blog isnt that organized (as some posts may or may not be missing from certain tags — if I have time in the future ill try to fix that if I can). Hopefully this post will help at least a lil bit :] if I make any changes or add more tags, Ill be sure to update this post. Ill also link this post to my pinned, so it’s easy to access. If you have questions, dont be afraid to ask!!

Last edited: 08/02/2024

[skeletonsfortea]

hallå!! i havent been here in a minute but im happy there is so much for me to go through and read! so far, I'm enjoying the dynamic between Edge and vulture in your posts, since theyre alike but very different too :)) would VBPS Papyrus (vulture) feel any type of way seeing Edge use VBPS Y/N as a weighted blanket on the couch? lets pretend they both fell asleep and didnt expect anyone to come home yet, though vulture's presence wakes Edge up for a few seconds leading to some awkward eye contact before Edge carries sleeping Y/N somewhere else! sorry I have an active imagination and even tho its weird there are times I like to imagine if vulture had opportunities to work on himself he could have a happy relationship with y/n...maybe not perfect but better at least! I like him a lot! förlåt!!!

your new chapter was amazing btw!

Thank you very much! Glad you're enjoying! And no need to apologize, I like him too!

Also I totally misunderstood the assignment and ended up writing a scene 😅 lol

(I'mma casually switch to using their nicknames in place of their real names by the way, cause it gets so confusing...)

Stepping into the house, Vulture shuts the door quietly behind him, only to stop in surprise when he sees what's ahead of him. The younger version of himself is leaned up on the arm of the couch, with you draped over his front, your head resting on his shoulder in a way that looks slightly uncomfortable for your neck. He frowns when the familiar feeling of sadness squirms in his soul. Grief, even. For...for...he isn't able to figure it out before Edge's eye sockets open. For a moment, they both just stare at each other in silence. Then, slowly, Edge manages to gather you in his arms, getting off the couch to go upstairs. Vulture watches, pain echoing through his soul.

[rat-lurker]

Mango

alrighty im gonna rant about an oc ive been neglecting artwork wise since i created him, Mango

Gun and death mention warning (nothing too detailed)

While I havent drawn him since i created him back in 2020, he is one of my most developed ocs, for being such a 1 off without any thought behind him.

I created him first at school, getting the idea from a flower in my biology book. I cant really remember why I felt like I needed to created an oc based on the flower, or why I specifically created a flower dragon, but that was when he was born. I digitalized him later at home, with the above ref being what I created.

He first started off as non important, i wanted to sell him since I didn't really have an idea for him. He ofc didn't sell (I wasn't that good at art/designing, and the community I was in was more interested in furries than reptiles), so I tried again, making a story with him, Mira and my most beloved oc at the time, Malvin.

And that is what started him off. In the story, he appears near the end of the story, taking interest in the other 2. He introduces himself the same way they introduced each other, carving his name into the bark of a tree. While the other 2 were just confused about the creature in front of them, Mango was startled by noises that seemed to be coming towards them. He quickly pulled the seed on the tip of his tail off and buried it. As he patted the soil above the seed down, he was shoot by the humans that were chasing the other 2 previously, dying. While Malvin proceeded to mourn, shaking Mango to wake him up, Mira went to attack the humans, getting shoot in the wing. Malvin had enough, he took off his mask, and the humans collapsed. After a couple more minutes of trying to wake Mango up, the ground where Mango had buried the seed started to rise, and out came a smaller version of Mango, reborn.

And that's basically all the backstory Mango got. Ive since updated information about him in general; mainly regarding his species.

Now this is where the development mostly is. Mango is part of a species i made up called flower dragons, dragon like lizards that are made of fruit flesh, their key aspect, being able to be reborn. As shown in both Mango's backstory and the image above, flower dragons are able to be reborn as long as the seed on the tip of their tail is planted into soil. After a bit, the dragon will reform, tho as they go back to being a baby after being reborn, they are very vulnerable due to not having their new seed yet.

Best part about all this? The species is basically extinct in the world Mango is in, with him being the only member alive at the time of his appearance in the story. Luckily for him, flower dragons reproduce asexually, collecting the pollen of other flowers onto their wings. After they gathered enough pollen, pulling off a wing (removing the wings does not hurt) and planting it into the ground will cause a new flower dragon to be born. A flower dragon due to this also rarely look like their parent, as the appearance of the dragon is determined based on the pollen collected previously.

Thanks to this, Mango has increased the population by 3. He'd probably have made more progress if he wasn't so killable.

Anyway that's my rant about Mango over for now. Ill probably talk about him more if I ever make a dedicated post about Malvin. Im also probably gonna finally make him and Mira a new ref, Malvin has gotten 2 new refs, despite all 3 being created around the same time,,

[commanderquinn]

Good Space Chapter 3: Hey Gringo

! i dont! keep these posts! updated! like i do! ao3!

that means you're going to find typos and shit (and possibly minor detail changes) that don't match the ao3 version! that's because im not going to bother fixing the tumblr posts until i finish good space as a whole. im only uploading them here as a backup tbh

—

master list / ao3 chapter link

—

warnings: ayyy!! none this time!! unless you wanna count Highly Disrespectful Thoughts ❤️ tho!!! the flashbacks are shuri, heads up for anyone who is a big baby (like me) and still crying over WF. also (shocker) bucko angst/panic attacks

song: it KALEO time!! istg there are golden oldies and hippie classics on this intended playlist, we just havent gotten to them yet. this choice is mega self-indulgent on my end ngl, buuuuut thats the whole fic in general lbr (side note: every time i write Angy Ava, i want you to imagine the vocal intensity of jefferson airplane’s lead singer, grace slick)

the timing of this chapter could NOT have been better with the probably-russian hackers knocking out ao3 that long. i mean it dude, im pretty sure the universe had a good chuckle over this one bc i sure as shit had to sit here and go “youre pullin my leg bud”

also now feels like a good time to mention, for absolutely no reason in particular (definitely not bc of Bucky being a Huge Simp this chapter), that i hc bucky as a dom with service top leanings. i just didnt wanna give the impression that reader is dom for this and accidentally get anyones hopes up with no payoff. i try to avoid that as much as i can bc god knows i drop Big Honkers on y’all every damn chapter, id hate for you to get all the way to the end of this and not get your cookie, y’know? (i am, ofc, down to write mega sub bucky for smut-shot requests)

also remember when i mentioned giving ava a HANDFUL of physical details for writing fuel? 🌝 (ur gonna think im funny rlly soon, dw)

anyways if you dont have adhd, good luck and god speed with the idiots thinkin abt each other in this chapter ❤️ im so sorry in advance 🥺😔

—

Febuary 17th, 2015

"Good morning, Sh—"

"Have you left your worthless husband yet?" Shuri impatiently taps a finger against her elbow, where her arms are crossed over her chest. 

She watches Ava sigh on the other end of the vidcall. The woman looks too tired. She needs rest. Shuri wants to stab Alec all over again. She's going to make a new, self-lacing, possibly electrified dagger just for the occasion. "I know you're just trying to—"

"We can come to get you. I will send T'Challa. You must promise me that you will have him get me something from Washington." Shuri raises a stern finger, pointing it directly at the camera. "Do not let him pick it out himself—"

"Shuri, honey, I love you with all my heart, but please—"

"I want you to pick it. The furniture in your office is ridiculous; I want something like that."

A smile far too small pulls at the corners of Ava's lips. Her smile used to move freely, and it will do so again if Shuri has any say in the matter. Which she does. "Well, thank you, I work very hard to keep it ridiculous. Now—"

"It will make me think of you whenever you are not around to make fun of my brother with me. My mother will get the lawyers you need to start your divorce—"

"I—sweetheart, please, it's been a very long night—"

"It is the afternoon where you are. You have not even had breakfast, have you? Of course not. You are busy doing the work while Alec—"

"Shuri!" Ava puts a hand over her eyes and takes an unsteady breath in. "I'm sorry. This is—it's been a long night. I didn't mean to yell at you—"

"You need to start yelling much more, Ava. Aim it at your worthless husband while you tell him you are leaving," Shuri argues, entirely fed up with how the doctor allows the spineless dickhead to make her miserable. "T'challa will remove him for you while you stay here with us."

Alec—she refuses to call him Ryder; the man does not deserve to have taken the doctor's name—leans into the camera view, his expression bored. Dismissive. Shuri wants to smash his wrinkling, greasy face in with her fist. "While I appreciate the offer, your majesty, my wife and I can handle our private life alone."

Shuri glares back at him, one of her eyebrows hiked as far up as she can comfortably get it. "Do you really think being aware of your presence on this call will deter me from reminding my friend that you are a demon?" She looks pointedly at Ava, who's still covering her eyes. "He is a demon. A pasty, rude demon."

"Alec is going to shut the fuck up now, I promise." The fingers over Ava's eyes pull in until she's pinching the bridge of her nose tightly. She looks as if she's fighting off a migraine. She probably is. And it is Alec's fault. "That way, we can get this over with, and I can finally get some sleep—"

"Which you need and are not getting enough of." The words slip out before Shuri can stop them. 

Ava's shoulders deflate slightly. Her hand drops, and she attempts another smile that doesn't reach her eyes, making Shuri feel a pang of guilt. "No, I'm not. But I will, just as soon as we finish the basic adaptation matrix. I promise."

Ava always encourages her to speak her mind, no matter what. Sometimes it gets her into trouble. She is not looking to berate her favorite Canadian; she loves leaving the vidcomm between their labs on. The open connection is a comforting window into the outside, one that lets Shrui indulge in any question or raving that passes through her mind. 

Alec is a poison in her friend's life, and Shuri will not back down from reminding her of that. But mother and Nakia have sat with her over this, explaining that sometimes, an abused heart will cling to what hurts it. They have to be supportive while Ava works through this. She's getting there. Just not nearly fast enough for Shuri's patience.

Father has been reminding them all that Alec is a risk, given what he knows. Trusting Ava means trusting her for the duration, and they can't go back now. If she says she is handling the issue of separating the man from her work, they have to allow her room to do that. But T'Challa has been ordered to keep close, or at the very least, ready to go.

As much as she despises Alec, Shuri does not wish to see Ava hurt in this. Not any more than necessary. She is also not interested in trying to control her friend the way her mother sometimes tries to control her. It is infuriating. 

So, taking a deep breath and squaring her shoulders, she lets some of the fight leave her. For the sake of Ava, not the pasty demon. "I have the latest build ready for transfer." 

"You're sure you've secured the connection on your end?" Alec has the audacity to question, even outside of the frame. "I'm not interested in spending my week chasing traces of this—"

"Do I look as if I will hesitate to strike you, colonizer?!"

—

"I'm just saying, Humpty Dumpty."

"Fuck off," Bucky wheezes at the billionaire, compressing the towel he grabbed from his new medkit against his ribs. Why he expected to make it through his first mission back without having to crack it open, he's not entirely sure now that he's sitting in the hindsight. Getting shot today was, if he's honest with himself, entirely predictable. It's his luck, after all. 

"We let you out of the house again for five minutes, and you've already broken yourself." Tony shakes his head as he tsk's, making Bucky roll his eyes lazily. "What's Ryder going to think? If you keep this up, you'll give the woman a complex about draining your mojo."

"She's going to think I throw myself in front of armor-piercing rounds for idiots that don't notice when they're being shot at." The mention of Ava brings the doctor's smiling face to the forefront of his mind. Bucky leans back against the Quinjet's co-pilot seat, letting his eyes fall closed. 

He could take care of this latest injury himself. That's what he usually does. Thanks to the serum, all he has to do is keep the wound clean for a few hours while his body stitches itself back together. Nothing's broken, and he'd be in much more pain if anything were punctured. Hell, he'd probably be dead already. The fix for this is so easy it'll practically handle itself.

"You always get so cranky after you've played the hero." He hears Tony kick his feet up on the Quinjet's main controls. "Take a breather. Maybe a bow or two. Believe it or not, it's possible to accept a compliment now and then."

"Grandstand more often, got it."

Ava's probably going to hear about today's incident now that Bucky thinks about it. If anything, Steve's going to make sure of it. He doubts she'd guilt him for not being comfortable with an optional trip to medical. They've been having more conversations about boundaries and comfort, and she's been unwaveringly supportive of him moving at his own pace. 

"You don't have to grandstand, you gigantic baby," Natasha chides from between the chairs. Her hand smacks against his shoulder, making Bucky grunt softly. "A whole new world is going to open up for you when you relearn to accept praise."

Tony snorts, long and loud. "Has he reached that stage of modern education yet?"

"I reached that stage of education before you were born, Stark." Bucky's not territorial over his reputation anymore; those days are long since passed. The grand majority of his mojo got left in the 40s. He's just tired of Tony's shit. That's all it is.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Ava might feel bad that he didn't come to her for something like this. He doesn't... want that. He doesn't want her thinking that he doesn't welcome her help or that he doesn't trust it. He... he does. He doesn't just appreciate having the option; he enjoys it. The new routine is a breeze, and his neck feels better than it ever has. At least that he can remember.

"I'm confused," Tony mumbles around a mouthful of snacks. The man never stops eating. "Are we talking about your no-no years, or did you and Rogers hit up underground bars before Germany?"

"I know all his secrets from the vanilla days; they never went to any of the fun ones," Natasha confirms. It's not like Bucky was going to take the verbal bait anyways. Steve still falls for it regularly. 

"I like how you don't deny having the rest of the answer; I feel like it tells me all I can tolerate about the icicles when it comes to this. That's my favorite part about you, Romanoff. You know when I don't need to know, you know?"

His dumbass friends might as well be background noise with Bucky's mind this firmly in the memory of Ava's office. She's been so good to him, especially over this last week while she pushed through all the red tape for him. He'd been expecting it to take an eternity of hounding Steve all by his lonesome, but she got him back in the field in under two weeks. His best friend had actually been kind of pissy about it behind closed doors. For Bucky, it was like getting sprinkles on top of his cake. 

He's been thinking about getting flowers delivered to her lab for the trouble. It feels like too much whenever his thumb hovers over the confirmation button. He's reached the part of staring at the order details four times.

"I'm pretty sure your country doesn't appreciate it as much as you do. They tend to fight cold wars over it."

"Well, yeah, but our country—you see what I did there? That was a pretty funny communism joke. And it works as a reminder for both of us that you're actually an American citizen these days; isn't that wild? Back to the point here, our country fights wars over stuff we do ourselves all the time, so that doesn't feel like a fair reason to dismiss our friendship."

The doctor's forcing him to expand his music library. Her taste there is as scattered as her taste in movies, but she's got some leading themes he's been able to pin down. The 60s and 70s are huge for her, expectedly, and she's got a lot of nostalgia over the 90s. Paige keeps her versed in all things pop, folk, and country, according to her. 

"If I start referring to the US as my country, you people will expect me to do things like register to vote. Or put up wallpaper."

"I don't think anyone's expecting you to be legally allowed to do that. The voting thing, not the wallpaper. In most states. For multiple reasons. Although, the wallpaper might be a good call."

Ava invited him to their absurdly large archive of playlists during his second session. The ones Paige curates are nothing but insanity. Not one of them makes a lick of sense. Bucky decided that he should have expected that, given her Energizer Bunny reputation. Ava's are less scattered; more organized. Soothing for his mind to digest. He's been using them as workout music ever since. And driving music. And general background noise. 

"I don't think I'd know where to start buying wallpaper. Do you even want me putting that shit on your expensive building?"

"Not really, but the idea of walking in on you rolling paste on the living room walls is worth anything it could take to fix them later."

God, she's funny, too. He could listen to the woman's awful, soul-crushing puns and subsequent cackling for hours. He'll never say that to her face, not for as long as he lives, but they've made him feel lighter every morning that he's gone to let her work him over. He's already stolen two of them to torture Sam with. Another thing he's not going to tell her.

"Maybe I should start smaller. Bruce keeps suggesting a car that has legal registration."

"Heeey, that could work. You'll be signing up for mailing lists and bitching about state tax in no time. You know what?" He hears Tony snap his fingers. "We should get you a houseplant. Work you up to having a fish or something."

Alright. Maybe he'll go to Ava. He doesn't want her to think he's trying to blow off her expertise again. Or that he's avoiding her. He's not; he really does like hanging out in her office. Even if it's technically a medical appointment. He's a lot more eager to visit her than his therapists, that's for sure.

"I am not paying taxes," Natasha scoffs. "If you think I'm tying a legal address to my name, you're out of your fucking mind. Moreso than usual."

"You don't think you'd enjoy having a cave to lurk in?"

"What makes you think I don't have one already?"

"I'm talking about a real house, not a safe house."

This injury isn't related to his cybernetics. It's his ribs, well below any of his implants. He's not entirely out of the loop when it comes to what doctors have to do to get their licenses. She no doubt had to pull a lot of hard hours during her residency. Maybe she doesn't want to patch up the tower's notorious grouch every time he takes a hit. But he doubts she'd ever be impolite enough to refuse him walking in.

"I have my space here: bathroom, laundry room, small kitchen. If I haven't bothered decorating that, what makes you think I'll want to do it for an entire house?"

"Aww, come on. Look at Ryder! She's having all kinds of fun making her place as obnoxious as possible. That could be you after a few online shopping sprees."

Bucky's eyes open slowly, his brows drawing in when the second verbal mention of Ava pulls parts of his attention back to the conversation. 

Fuck, not going to medical still leaves the option of her taking offense. Okay. Alright. So, he'll split the difference and go to emergency intake. He's pretty sure she's listed as his surgical contact in the tower now—he can't stomach looking at his own medical file, not even the written records. Any injury this big will get flagged for trauma support, and she'll be notified. Then it's up to her what she wants to do. That feels like a good compromise.

"She's doing that to reclaim it from Alec; that's different. I don't have the same motivation. For me, it's just going to be extra work.

"Who's Alec?" Bucky asks without thinking. If the universe doesn't hate him today, Natasha's just going to assume he's being his usual kind of paranoid.

"She hasn't mentioned him?" Tony sounds surprised. "Alec's her ex-husband."

Ex-husband? She was married? And she's not anymore, meaning she might be—

He shuts down that train of thought immediately. 

Reclaiming the space of her house implies they lived in it long enough to form some heavy memories. She hasn't mentioned having a kid, and she strikes him as the type to bring up something like that pretty fast. So it was just the two of them, most likely.

"People usually don't like talking about the egocentric sack of shit they used to coexist with," Natasha points out. Of course, she already knows about the doctor's history. It's her.

"Bad divorce?" he prods, trying not to sound overly invested in the answer. These assholes will take it as an invitation.

"Oh, the worst," Tony confirms. "Shithead tried fighting her on it tooth and nail. She had to borrow my legal team just to get the guy to fuck off and leave her alone. He even kept her surname after the divorce; can you believe that?"

An uneasy feeling starts to rise in his gut, making Bucky look over at him. Then up at Natasha. "What kind of won't leave her alone are we talking about?"

"Down, fido, my lawyers took care of it. There's no need to start tailing him. Aside from being a self-absorbed asshole that insists they'll," Tony's voice turns scornful as his fingers form air quotes, "work things out with time, he's toothless." 

"She's got concealed carry permits she earned properly if that makes you feel better," Natasha offers up. The thought does help ease the tension building in him. 

He won't read Ava's file, no matter how bad the buzzing gets. But he might check in with JARVIS about her home security. He's noticed her name on the system logs. She, or at least her house, is linked to SHIELD's network despite her general distrust of the organization. He understands the opposing priorities completely.

He caved and read Wyatt's file two nights ago. The buzzing had been building since Ava mentioned him wanting an autograph, and it finally got to be too much. Nothing's lurking there aside from an impressive list of historians from all the fuck over Georgia and Alabama. The kid's got more family than some towns have population. 

Bucky leans forward with a muted groan to change the autopilot's intended LZ of the Avenger's balcony to the entrance hanger for medical. If he's going to grit his teeth through the antiseptic over a couple small holes, he's damn sure not going to haul his ass through half the tower while his ribs leak. His patience has limits, and that's pretty fucking far over the starting line. 

Tony looks over at him with a deep, suspicious frown. Bucky frowns at him right back with the same level of scrutiny. He can feel Natasha staring a hole into the side of his head, even if he can't catch her in his peripherals. He hates both of them with a passion at the moment. He knows what's about to happen—

"Did you just… prioritize your own health," Tony questions like he's baffled by the very idea. His whole upper body turns in the seat as he looks up at Natasha excitedly. "Oh my god. He's doing it. All by himself." He raises a hand to his chest and looks back at Bucky. "They grow up so fast."

It's good that the autopilot is on. If it weren't, Bucky would be tempted to crash them out of spite, mostly because he's sure he'd survive it. "Very funny."

"All it took was a hippie that gives him candy," Natash adds, her voice dripping with smugness. "Who knew."

"Both of you can fuck off." Bucky doesn't like how close she just got to his primary motivation on the first try. Old habits die hard, et cetera. And he hates that he can't tell if she was trying to guess. If he's lucky, which he isn't, she was just making fun of him.

Natasha knows about his visits to the florist's website; he's fucking convinced of it now. He doesn't know how, and he can't outright call her on it. If he does, he could fuck up and make himself right. There is nothing worse than having the Black Widow as metaphorical family. Not even Steve's hovering.

She and Tony harass him for the remainder of the flight. It's not long, mercifully, and he's starting to regret not grabbing something for the doctor. They were in Montreal, of all places, so it would have been fitting. He figures she'll understand once he shows her his side. The train of thought makes him wonder what part of Canada she's originally from. She hasn't brought it up.

His foot is already bouncing by the time he reaches the elevator. He's still got the surgical towel shoved tightly against his ribs. He hopes she gets there fast if she ends up taking the call. The last thing he wants to do right now is sit around in the burn of antiseptic and bleach while he fights off the urge to bolt. 

This is good, Bucky reminds himself as he takes his first few steps into medical. He's sat through plenty of trips to emergency intake. He can handle walking into his first optional one. It's a non-issue. Completely.

When JARVIS informs him that his file and general vital scan have been submitted for intake, the buzzing gets so intense that he almost leaves. The pace of his sergeant walk, as Sam likes to designate it, slows to a crawl. Then he thinks about a doctor with concealed carry permits. One that lets her house be monitored by a government organization she's actively pushing herself to trust. All in an effort to contribute something good to the world. The buzzing eases, and he picks up his pace, headed for the solo observation room JARVIS listed for him.

There's no moment of standing involuntarily from nerves this time. He doesn't have to force himself to sit back down and wait, even though the room smells wrong. His skin is crawling, and he wants nothing more than to put a throwing knife in his hand like a goddamn security blanket. But he doesn't panic. He doesn't try leaving.

Baby steps.

When the door opens, it's devastating. There's no diminutive hippie with UFO-sized glasses smiling at him on the other side of it. It's a guy in a plain white lab coat without artistic stitching, one that Bucky's never met before in his life. He's already squinting down at a tablet, meaning this will be his doctor for the duration.

This was the worst plan he could have possibly conceived. The universe is humbling him for thinking he could get away with something like this without some kind of suffering. He just wanted to make up for being dismissive of her help initially. Now he gets to sit through this. How fucking grand.

"Barnes?" The doctor that's not Bucky's doctor looks up, his heart rate elevating by a few notches. He's putting in a lot of effort to look confident. It's not exactly working. "I'm Dr. Erickson. I'm guessing you're here for the bullet wounds JARVIS detected?"

"Yup." Bucky's not about to volunteer for small talk at the moment. It's a miracle he hasn't jumped off the biobed yet. "Where's Ryder?"

"Your primary is in a staff meeting at the moment." Erickson puts his tablet down on the supply cabinet's main counter. He's already starting to gather what he needs, leaving Bucky to figure out real quick if he's actually willing to do this. "Don't worry; I'll get you sewn up and on your way in no time."

He doesn't want it getting back to Ava that he bailed the moment she couldn't show up. He doesn't want to leave her with the impression that he's only going to take on medical care if it's her; that's not anywhere near fair. The woman is a brain surgeon, not his private physician. He can grow the fuck up and accept help from people that haven't gone through his gauntlet of verification.

"Great," he pushes out, lifting the side of his undershirt to offer an unobstructed view.

It's not great; it's fucking horrendous. The first touch of the new doctor makes the overly physical memory of the buzzing build so high, he can feel it in his teeth. They're not actually rattling in his jaw the way they did back then, he knows that, but it doesn't matter because his body is screaming at him that it's happening.

The first stitch going through his skin makes him want to put his fingers through the doctor's eye sockets. His mind goes over all the ways he can violently put at least ten feet between them without having to get up. Looking back, it's probably good he didn't reach for the throwing knives. He's not unhinged enough to stab someone unprovoked; he's better than that. But they'd have been distracting to his impulse control, that's for sure.

Dr. Handsy is pulling the first suture in tight when the door to the observation room opens again. Bucky doesn't look up, his eyes locked on a random point on the far wall while he focuses on his breathing. He only looks over when a billowing, maroon pant leg enters his peripheral.

Thanks to a bunch of dead Nazi scientists that used to hide out in the mountains of Russia, Bucky Barnes has a trigger in his brain that is entirely out of his control. One that, when activated by his own interest, lets him process his surroundings in a sliver of the time that it should for a human mind. It is exceptionally helpful in the field. 

Watching Ava Ryder walk in, wearing a suede jumpsuit that mercilessly frames her curves, proves to him that having it in the 30s would have gotten him shot by someone's father. Definitely before he left Brooklyn. Or before he got chased out by several fathers banding together with baseball bats. In the time it takes her hand to come off the door handle and make its way to her hip, his mind goes on one hell of a fucking journey.

He already had more than a vague idea of the shape of her before now; he can't help it. Comes with the territory of doing threat assessment for a living. God knows his eyes have slipped down to her chest on a shameful amount of occasions. Her tits are being held up and pushed together fucking beautifully at the moment. Typically, that would hold all of his attention.

But this is the first unobstructed view of her that he's gotten, thanks to the lab coat being nowhere in sight, and good fucking god. Holy fucking shit. Godfuckingdamn.

She's half turned from him at this angle, so he's only getting a side view. That's more than enough to show off an obscenely rounded ass and the cushy thighs it rests on that are going to haunt his fucking dreams. It's bigger than his hands by a margin that's outright glorious. The mental image of his fingers digging into it, of how it would make her skin dip under the pressure, makes his blood race.

He can't spot the outline of any underwear at first. Then her hand makes contact with the jumpsuit, and his eyes pick up on it. Right there, above the top of her finger, pulled up high over her hipbone. There's a thin band leaving an impression in the fabric. An extraordinarily thin band. There is nothing else in sight.

Pulled between Ava's legs, right at this very moment in time, is a strip of fabric that Bucky's tongue would fit against perfectly. Right under that is a taste he's been catching himself wondering about for two weeks now. One good, long drag of his nose. That's all it would take to push in whatever she's picked out for the day and soak it with that taste. He could get it back out from between her lips with his tongue, pull it to the side with his teeth to give himself room to feast—

Bucky tries to shift his weight as nonchalantly as possible while his brain slows back down. The comeback from tactical analysis is always jarring, with this one being especially so. 

He's the worst kind of bastard. An awful, selfish, perverted sonofabitch. There's not shit he can do to change that. How unfortunate.

"David," Ava greets, the name coming out as tense as the closed smile plastered on her face. "You can put that down."

The other doctor doesn't look up from the work his hands are doing. "That you, Ava? I heard you were—"

"Now."

Bucky's back straightens up as David looks at her nervously, taken aback. Bucky doesn't blame him; he didn't know her voice could get that forceful.

David sort of laughs, which feels like the worst possible choice to Bucky. But, hey, not his call. "What, do you want me to just—"

"I want your hands off my patient right now. I'm not asking." She watches with unwavering intensity as the other doctor lets the needle and thread drop from his hands. She visibly bristles at the patronizing expression on David's face, her head tilting aggressively. Bucky kind of wants to watch her hit him. "I'll be back in less than a minute, sergeant. I need a word outside with Dr. Erikson."

"Take your time," Bucky assures, the tension bleeding out of him already. His ribs are leaking, and there's a piece of doctor floss looped through his skin that he's going to have to cut out of himself tomorrow morning. The immoral evaluation of her outfit that his head threw at him is going to eat him alive. Forever. Especially when he's trying to fall asleep for the foreseeable future. 

All things considered, though, he feels fan-fucking-tastic.

David still looks somewhat shell-shocked, and there's real insult starting to creep into his posture, but the guy doesn't argue. He follows Ava back out of the room, not bothering with a goodbye in Bucky's direction. When the door closes behind them, his super hearing picks up on Ava reaming David about prioritizing patients before ego. She goes into detail about the deep shit he'll be in with her if he keeps ignoring her written orders, long before it ever gets him fired. She tacks on why her anger should scare him a hell of a lot more than the idea of that. Then she instructs him to keep his damn hands off her patients and get back to the intake desk. 

The protective streak makes Bucky's chest feel warm, a half-smile pulling at his lips. She's a handful, alright. One he'd give anything to be brave enough to send flowers to.

Ava is calm, cool, and collected when she leans back in through the doorframe, hanging off it with a soft smile. "Hiya, stranger. I hear you picked a fight in my motherland today."

"I hear it has an arms dealer problem. I wanted to see if I could help." He gestures down at the needle swinging from his ribs without looking at it. "Not all Canadians are as welcoming as you, turns out."

"Eh?" she fires back, hamming up the accent. "Wellll, I'm not about to let a few cranky arms dealers tarnish our reputation. What do you say you push that bandage against your new bragging rights, and we head for my office?"

Licking his bottom lip nervously, he tries to give her a confident smile. "You were busy with something."

"Not too busy for my favorite popsicle." One eyebrow raises sternly. "You are not allowed to tell Steve I'm playing favorites." God, she's cute when she tries to deflect. It's never worked. At least not on him.

"That's—" Shit, where to even find the fucking words for her. "You don't have to do this. Go out of your way like this. I don't mind getting patched up by random medics. Comes with the job."

Her smile turns impish. "That's cool and all, but I mind when people ignore basic ethics just to have a story about stitching up an Avenger. If you need to tell yourself I'm using you as fuel for a workplace pissing contest, go for it. Whatever gets you off that biobed." She leans back, leaving the door open wide behind her. "Come on; I can't stand the way they organize these damn shelves. I wouldn't patch you up in here even if you did pay me. Next time, head for my office first."

Bucky does as she ordered, pushing the surgical towel she packed for him against his side, not minding the sting in the least. He swallows down the point that, by every definition there is, he's not an Avenger. "I'll follow you, doc."

—

"Alright," Wyatt plops his hands down on the glass of the holo, his expression determined. His tight curls bounce with the motion, making their resident gumdrop look adorable, even through the discomfort. "Let's get to dissectin' this cacophony. All in one go, preferably, so I don't feel like yackin' up my lunch two days runnin'."

Ava's head tilts sympathetically. "Oh, honey, tell me you didn't—"

His hand comes up, with his index finger pointed to the ceiling. "Nope. But I got close a couple'a times thinkin' about this." He mutters several things under his breath about creepy Nazi bastards while he pulls up the raw data from Bucky's implants. "All the more reason to get it the hell over with."

"A whole day of digging through coded war crimes," Hannah deadpans quietly, raising a steaming mug to her lips. "I'm glad we get the fun assignments."

"You'd ditch us if we didn't," Ava jokes. She scrolls through the sergeant's file absentmindedly on her tablet, reviewing the vitals added just a few hours ago. He actually came to medical. For something as minor as a field injury. Of his own volition.

"Mmm. I don't know. It's pretty fun watching a brain move like Jell-O. You might have been able to convince me to stick around just for that."

SHIELD's primary system makes a blaring noise of disagreement as Wyatt loads the main file structure. He frowns, looking over at Ava with concern. "Its askin' for administrative override."

"Heeey, that's that thing Tony says I'm not supposed to abuse. That's probably not a good sign." Ava pushes her glasses further up the bridge of her nose and leans over to get a look at the error. "JAR, I'd like some reassurance we're not about to trigger an ancient LoJack if you wouldn't mind advising here."

"There are safeguards in place for importing code with an unknown source," JARVIS reports in. The warning on the screen is dismissed, presumably by him, and a new window comes up. A log of the programming in Bucky's cybernetics going through digital quarantine loads rapidly, with line after line being highlighted in red and labeled HYDRA Suspected. "I will process them for you. One moment."

"We have to clean the Nazi code before we can beat it to death," Hannah mumbles against the rim of her mug. "I think I kind of like that."

"Please, Hannie, I'm hangin' on by the skin'a my teeth here." Scrubbing his hands over his face, Wyatt groans exhaustedly. He drags them down slowly, giving Hannah a pleading look over the tops of his fingers. "You know I'm always here for supportin' you—"

"I'm aware." The ex-marine's clipped tone makes Ava snort and look back down at her tablet. They both know stopping him now isn't going to cut off the word vomit.

Wyatt's hands thunk back down onto the glass. "I'm so proud'a ya, y'know that—" And there's the thickening of the accent.

"I know."

Ava's eyes skim over the list of everything detected in Bucky's wound, locking on the word leather in particular. Today was her first look at his work gear—she's got a feeling he doesn't call it a uniform—in person. It was hard to keep professional in front of six and a half feet of Hi, how are ya? wrapped up in that much heavy black. The sounds that his vest made when he dropped it on the coffee table— Jesus. He's got to be packing enough in there to arm a small country. 

"All's I'm sayin' is that if I have to hear about murder right now, I might actually upchu—"

"Please don't."

Ava's too scared to ask what's in the sergeant's pants for a multitude of reasons. Professionalism is lower on the list than it probably should be. It's a shame, too. He's downright hilarious when he lets himself talk. There's not a doubt in her mind that he'd come up with something unbearably good—and unwaveringly dry—in response to the loaded question.

"A'right then. We're in agreement. No bad thoughts today. We go in like—like excavators, right? With our helmets and our 'lil pickaxes, and we get what we need so we can—" The way he cuts himself off makes Ava look back up in concern. She finds the most horrified expression on Wyatt's face. "That—ah shit, that didn't come out all that right. That was mean, wannit? Insensitive. I'm not tryin' to belittle what the sergeant's been through."

"You weren't belittling anything," Ava assures, reaching out to rub his arm. "I think he'd be the first one to race you to a fossil joke about this."

"You'll tell 'im I'm takin' this serious, won't ya—"

A small chuckle escapes before she can stop it. "Wyatt, sweetheart, it's not like he heard you—"

"You take your pills today, Combs?" Hannah's calm question makes the gumdrop freeze in place. She blows on her coffee, taking a small sip. "If you say you don't remember, I'm going to—"

Wyatt snaps his fingers, his expression shifting to relief. "I didn't, and I remember why, too." He rolls his chair back with a sudden push, aiming for his desk. He reaches out before the chair finishes the trip to grab his patch-covered messenger bag. "One'a the cats got int'a my coat closet; dumbass got stuck on a shelf for reasons I'm still not real clear on." He pops open his medication bottle, tossing a pill into his mouth with a level of dexterity that makes her jealous. "The hollerin' was s'damn loud, I thought the landlord was gonna come knockin'."

"Which one was it?" Ava asks. "Not the new kitten?"

"No, no—Juno's been'a dream. It was Galileo again. I love that furry little bastard, but sometimes he can drive me nutty ." He pauses to take a swig from another glossy vacation mug. Today's is advertising a campground Ava's never heard of that's the best in the Rockies, according to the swirling font. "I got new pictures of Juno if you want 'em, though."

"Yes, please," Ava confirms happily. Holding the teacup-sized ball of fur made her whole month when he last brought Juno in. Hannah ended up hogging most of the cuddle time, but the sound of little meows filling the day had been enough to make up for it.

Wyatt pulls his phone from his back pocket and brings it around to hook up to the holo. The system dings with the sound of a successful transfer after a moment. He loads a collection of new photos, zeroing in on one of Juno clawing her way up a window curtain—

The power to the lab shuts off with a loud, electric click. Everything plunges into darkness with the privacy setting on the glass walls keeping the sun out. It comes back on before Ava can react, the building's primary system switching to the emergency power grid. She and Wyatt lock eyes in panic.

"Oooh man, boss, did I just—"

"I'm sure you didn't," Ava comforts, trying to push down her own panic. It helps that she's heard Tony rambling about the work he's put into making this place indestructible. "JAR?" 

There's no response from the AI. She trades another nervous glace with Wyatt.

"I know it was probably the Nazi shit, but I'm hoping it was the cats," Hannah says, sounding sincere. "I feel like that'll make a much better story."

"Oh my god, did I break JAR?" Wyatt looks between them frantically. "How often does he back up his servers? Did I kill'a piece'a JAR?!"

"I have not been murdered," the AI confirms after nearly a minute of being gone. "The safeguards reported a false positive regarding the programming of Sergeant Barnes' cybernetics. It has been handled."

Ava gives the hologram wall of code a warry look. "Handled by you?" There's a suspicion building in her gut around his phrasing, one that she's not planning on letting out of her teeth. 

"Mr. Stark has a protocol in place that cuts off my servers in the event of any irregular activity. Given the nature of the programming's origin, the system is designed to er on the side of caution."

"That's a really fancy way of dancing around the point, JAR." She's trying to stay civil about this. It's not an easy venture, and she's pretty sure it's not translating at all. Even she can hear the frustration in her voice. "How about we cut the shit, and you tell me what the false positive was."

"There are automated routines running for Sergeant Barnes' implants. They are not harmful; I've taken the liberty of checking them personally now that they've been cleared through quarantine. I am creating a stable update to forward to—"

"How long have they not been harmful, JARVIS?"

Hannah sits up from her relaxed position at the avoidance of their favorite nickname for the AI. Wyatt's brows pull in nervously, his eyes never leaving Ava. They both know exactly what she's digging at.

There's a long hesitation from JARVIS. Short by normal social standards but an eternity for a sentience with quantum processors. "There is not currently a risk posed within the Sergeant's—"

Ava's out of her chair and halfway to the door before he even finishes the omission. Fueled by some of the most intense rage she's ever felt in her life, she marches out on swift feet. She's going to kill him. She's going to string him up—maybe hang him off the side of the tower.

America's fucking Sweetheart, her ass. America's Doomed Liar is a lot more like it.

"Where is he," Ava nearly growls, still stalking down the halls, leaving the medical wing in a hurry. "JARVIS, I know you're still listening; you tell me where that puffed-up, hypocritical—oooh , you tell me where Rogers is right the fuck now. And then you tell me where Stark is—"

"Dr. Ryder, I know you're not inclined to believe this at the moment, but I assure you—"

"You're right; I'm not inclined to do that at all." She takes a deep breath as she passes through the front entrance, slowing herself to a stop. With genuine effort, she pushes down her anger. "I don't want to keep yelling at you. I don't like doing it in the first place. If you don't want to tell me where they are, I'll find them myself."

Ava heads for the elevator to do just that. She's not expecting a response as she pounds the side of her fist against the button for the Datacrux's floor. It's likely to be her best bet to find any of them. There's not a chance in hell that she's letting her team dedicate any more time to this until she gets some fucking explanations.

Halfway along the ride up, the light around the button goes dim. A flash of anger rises in her until she sees the one for the executive level illuminate. 

"Mr. Stark is not currently in the tower, but you will find Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes debriefing in the Situation Room," JARVIS informs her over the elevator's intercom, making the SHEILD agents around her pretend not to look over. She's tempted to ask them if it's the outfit.

"Thank you, JAR," she offers as an olive branch. Regardless of what's truly going on here, she doubts the AI is all that comfortable with the subject.

"You're welcome, Ava."

She's only been to this part of the tower once before. Tony dragged her up to the Avenger's balcony for a party after her divorce was first finalized. That's about the extent of her experience with this section. It's not hard to find her way with everything denoted like it is in the rest of the building.

The palm of her hand smacks against the door marked Situation Room, and she shoves it open aggressively. Both super soldiers, the Falcon, Black Widow, and a scattered group of SHIELD agents stare back at her in surprise. It doesn't slow her down any.

Ava points an irate finger at Steve in the uneasy silence of the room. "Unless New York just caught fire, you and I are about to have a very blunt conversation, captain."

"Hiya, doc." Bucky, unsurprisingly, is the only one in the room smiling at her while she glares daggers at Captain America. He's still in his not-uniform. There's still blood on it. The charm he's throwing her way reminds her that they won't want an audience. 

"I'm going to ask the rest of you to leave," she continues, but her eyes stay on the sergeant as her finger lowers. "I don't think you'll want to be here for this, Bucky."

"What makes you think I don't wanna watch you beat up my best friend?" He leans back in his chair, his hands coming up to rest on his stomach as his smile deepens.

"Can I stay?" Sam asks, his voice eager. It's a damn shame this is how she gets to meet him. She doubts the Falcon has any clue about unethical research.

"Come on," Natasha insists with a serene nod in Ava's direction, grabbing Sam's shirt to drag him up from his chair. "You heard her."

"I—hey!" Steve looks so insulted as he watches his friends and various coworkers abandon him with zero hesitation. "You're just gonna—I don't even know what I did!"

"Neither do I, but I am very ready to hear about it," Bucky assures Ava, not an increasingly distressed Steve.

Ava taps her foot impatiently as the room clears out, leaving her alone with the super soldiers. She ignores the nerves radiating off of one of them and focuses on the one that looks delighted. "I'm serious. This is about your case. Specifically, the work HYDRA was trying to finish."

The mirth leaves Bucky almost entirely. His posture doesn't adjust from its reclined position. "Alright. Tell me what's got you livid about it."

"Steve here made me a promise that was broken in my lab a few minutes ago."

Steve's eyebrows pull in with confusion. "Which promise? Wait—a few minutes ago—Is this about that blackout? Ava, catch me up here; what the hell is—"

"You swore to me that the intention of HYDRA—at least where Bucky's case is concerned—was to make an army of super soldiers, nothing more." She's letting him process this one step at a time. It'll make yelling at him for lying a lot easier. That, and she's honestly worried the technophobe doesn't understand the gravity of the situation.

"I—" Steve hesitates, and she watches the switch to tactical assessment come over him. It's startling to see it directed at her from a face that isn't Bucky's. "As far as I know, that was the intention."

"Yeah? You're sure about that? You're sure you're not omitting something pretty fucking important to my job, Steven?"

"JARVIS, what was the blackout?" Bucky questions at half the volume he started at when she first came in.

Ava points at the sergeant insistently. "See? I'm guessing he doesn't even know, but he's sure as hell already on the right track."

"There was an incident regarding the coding found in your implants, Sergeant Barnes. It has been handled. I have prepared an update to their systems whenever you're ready to undergo a transfer."

"As your doctor, I'm ordering it. We can go back to my office after I'm finished ripping your friend a new asshole for lying to my face." Her eyebrows lower at Bucky in indignation. She's doing this for him, but that doesn't mean she's going to let him off the hook if he knew. "We should probably figure out if I need to do the same to you before we get there."

"Hey, hang on now." Steve raises one hand, likely to try to calm her, but changes his mind and puts it back under the table. She's guessing someone's finally clued in the out-of-time man about that practice making women want to throw something. At his head. "We might not always be able to talk about classified information—something you agreed to, I might add—but I've never lied about HYDRA's intent as far as I comprehend it. I've been very careful to hold up that end of our deal."

"Let me tell you how I know, for a fact, that someone involved in this case is doing a piss-poor job of lying to me about it. Since you haven't quite figured out modern tech, I'm going to try to keep it simple." Ava points a far less aggressive, more instructing finger at Bucky's arm. "In order for that hunk of metal to work, it needs to be programmed. The hardware needs software that can tell it how to read brain signals. A few decades ago, some Nazis sat in a room and wrote a bunch of code for that software. That's what was supposed to be in Bucky's implants. That's all that was supposed to be in Bucky's implants."

"Wait—what the hell else is in them?" The flicker of fear that creeps into Bucky's expression breaks her heart. There's not a doubt in her mind that he could sell her on any lie he wants to with his mind set on it. That's the point of infiltrators like him. 

But Ava's willing to bet everything she's got in this world that the fear in him at the moment is genuine. He doesn't know. And it makes her feel awful.

"Given the size of your implants, I'm guessing not much," she tries to reassure. "We can always purge whatever is there later. However, if the code were as simple as 'read this signal, do this thing,' it wouldn't have been flagged as untouchable by Tony's security measures. The ones put in specifically to prevent JARVIS from being corrupted." She crosses her arms over her chest in exasperation, her eyes moving to one of the small security cameras on the ceiling. "Would you like to explain to the captain what kind of code it would take to accomplish that, JARVIS?"

There's another human-length moment of hesitation from the AI in response. "It would take adapting code."

"The part he's holding back—definitely because he's under orders not to break SHIELD protocol—is that something has to be driving the adaptation. There is such a thing as self-adapting code; that would absolutely explain it. If we weren't talking about something made in the 40s when HYDRA needed entire warehouses just to house a few terabytes of data." She glances over at Bucky. "While I'm sure the agents you scare the piss out of would disagree, your head isn't actually big enough to hold that much."

"You flirtin' with me to stop the panic or to apologize for not being Canadian for a minute?"

Ava blinks in surprise, the slightest hint of heat coming up the sides of her neck. That—she hadn't been—well. Steve's head turns to him, his eyebrows raising in mild shock.

Bucky clears his throat, then tries for a quiet chuckle, his eyes floating between her and the table. "Sorry—it's this damn room. Puts me in sergeant mode, makes me—let's get back to yelling at Steve."

"Thanks, asshole, I appreciate—"

"What makes you think I won't yell at you just because I'm Canadian?" Ava counters, finally recovering. "You trying to stereotype me, Barnes?"

The relief that comes off of Bucky is palpable. "I'd go for the hippie thing first if I was trying to do that."

"Didn't you sleep through the McCarthy era?"

"HYDRA gave me the long and short of it between naps."

Her hand flies up to her face to block a loud snort. Damn him, this is serious. But she's not about to begrudge him the gallows humor. She lowers it again while he smirks at her. "Do you mind? I'm trying to make an angry but valid point here."

"About a bunch of code that my head isn't big enough for," he continues for her dryly, one hand coming off his stomach to gesture up at it.

Ava sighs, the amusement from getting sidetracked by the Brooklyn heartstopper fading fast. "Not big enough by the standards of the 40s. By today's standards?" Her head tilts to the side sadly, readying herself to watch that fear in him get more substantial. "You tell me, Buck. Did the Nazis work in the mindset of single projects, or did they work in the mindset of generations that would lead a global empire?"

The words are the last piece to complete the puzzle in Bucky's mind; Ava can see it happen in his eyes. The expression of horror it yanks out of him will haunt her for the rest of her days. "Zola." 

It's said in a whisper, and Ava's not even sure what the word is. 

It takes Steve longer to reach whatever conclusion Buckys come to, and he looks resistant to the idea at first. "No, that's... no—Buck, you've been to what's left. You know what it took—"

"That's the point she's making, stupid. Look at how small everything's gotten." He stops, and Ava doesn't miss the sight of a hard swallow. "It makes sense. Think about it. It makes sense. They took care of the car until they could find an engine that fit. I was the prototype. Or—was going to be, at least."

The comparison—the one he's using on himself—is revolting. Accurate, but astoundingly revolting. She pushes past it, leaning down to tap a condescending nail on the table. "Hi, there. Still here. Still looking for some answers. What the hell is Zola?"

With Steve watching him like a hawk, Bucky breathes a long, tired sigh. "Not what. Who." 

"I can fill her in," Steve offers to him quickly. "You don't have to do this."

"Oh, I'm not doing shit. She's going to do it all." Bucky locks eyes with Ava, his expression passive. Having the Winter Soldier himself that focused in on her makes her breath catch involuntarily. "How's your Russian, doc?"

"I don't speak a word of it. Do I need to for this?"

"No, I'm sure you've got plenty of ways to translate anything you feel like reading. You should look up doveryai, no proveryai while you're at it." He leans forward, resting his arms on the table. His eyes never once move away from hers. "JARVIS, transfer a copy of my archive access to Dr. Ryder. Full permissions. And the next time she asks you a hard question, you don't have to bullshit her. Tell her to call me."

—

April 6th, 2015

"I want you to bring me with you next time."

"No."

"Is that a no because you do not agree or because you are afraid of mother?"

"Both."

Shuri frowns at the security feed, ignoring the quiet laughter she can hear coming from Nakia on the other end. "Coward."

The camera mounted on T'Challa's dashboard shakes as he turns it back to his face, his expression annoyed. "Say that to my—"

"Coward."

T'Challa rolls his eyes and turns the camera back around as Nakia laughs harder. He will be mopey now, for sure. "I am not taking you to stare at a soldier's office with us."

"Why not?"

"To start with, I refuse to be trapped in a car with you for that amount of time."

"You should be so lucky! Now, what is the real reason."

"What part of royal family do you not—"

"You get to go to these things."

"And when you leave your lab long enough to learn to use the spears of your foremothers, that privilege can extend to you."

"Okoye is always ready to teach you, Shuri," Nakia offers up diplomatically. 

"I do not need a spear to sit in a car annoying my brother," Shuri argues. They always do this to her. She is tired of it.

"You do not need to sit in a car annoying your bother at all." The moping has already started. She can hear it in T'Challa's voice.

"Fine. I will go to Ava's house and stay there while—"

"No."

Shuri slams her hands down on her desk, making the various instruments on it rattle precariously. "She is my family, too!"

There's silence on the other end in the wake of her anger. Then the camera turns again, this time by Nakia's hand. She doesn't stop the spin until it's pointed to show her and T'Challa. He does not look as annoyed anymore. He looks guilty.

Nakia gives her a sympathetic smile. "No one is trying to take that from you. We are only trying to keep you safe. We do not know how far Alec is willing to take things."

"And I am not willing to present the man with more temptations of power," T'Challa adds, the guilt on his face shifting to resignation. "It is not simply because I am afraid of our mother. I agree with her. And with our father. Alec Harlow is a man that is losing everything. That is a powerful motivator, Shuri."

"I am not afraid of that spineless demon," Shuri insists angrily. "I could handle him myself, thank you very much."

"Half the school children in Wakanda could," Nakia mocks under her breath.

She gets a stern look from T'Challa before he focuses it on Shuri. "It is not his strength we are concerned with. It is the allies he can call upon at any time. Men with strength and resources that we do not wish to deal with."

Some of the fight leaves her. Not much, but it does ebb. Her brother might be an idiot, but he is right about this. Ava would not be this afraid for no reason. She has been trying to disguise it when Nakia brings her for visits, which is how Shuri knows it is serious.

"I hate that man, brother." The word is far too inadequate. The contempt she holds for the worm who put fear in the heart of her favorite mad scientist feels immeasurable.

"As do I. As do we all." T'Challa smiles at her finally, his face softening. "I promise to bring you to hit him if he is ever arrested. That is when I will deem it safe enough."

"How many times?" she chases after quickly. "Can I bring a weapon?"

"You can bring exactly one weapon. Can you guess what it is?" The smile turns sarcastic as he reaches out and turns the camera back around to face Alec's office window. 

"I do not need a spear to break that man."

"No, you need it so I can stop being lectured by Okoye for enabling your avoidance of tradition."

"That will not help. She wishes for me to sit through her lessons. I would just bring the spear to hit him over the head with."

Nakia laughs, the sound light and soothing. "I am surprised you did not go straight for the idea of skewering him."

Tilting her head down at her desk, Shuri hesitates. She picks up the ridiculous coffee mug Ava got her, spinning it around in her hands with somber movements. 

Ava's last visit had been especially hard to stomach. The woman had looked so... empty as she talked about the start of the divorce. There had been no vengeful joy in her as she told Shuri's father she understood the gravity of the situation. No hard-won victory in her posture. There had only been grief and shame.

Shuri sighs, turning away from the screen to head for her lab's kitchen. She is going to fill the mug with one of the teas that Ava brings her. It will be a nice change from the energy drinks she has been binging. "No. I... I do not wish the man dead. I only wish to see him locked away somewhere he can never smile again."

—author end notes—

there’s one sentence in this chapter that is 14 words long (including contractions) that is the entire foundation of their incoming dom/sub and oh my g o d when i tell you that shit was cathartic to write 😫🤌 some day when this is finished, im gonna write a whole goddamn dissertation on that one sentence and all the narrative shit that tied into it in this fic so help me (YOURE ALLOWED TO GUESS BTW)

anyways, everyone is alive in wakanda bc i said so. and nakia and t’challa are really stupid uber mega important to ava’s backstory

i feel like we’ve all, as a species, Been Through Enough. you can talk my ear off abt anything, but dont talk to me abt the opening of wakanda forever i will Literally Die, i havent cried that hard over the first watch of a movie in so fucking long and i dont think im strong enough for a second. all i ever need for binging is winter soldier and black panther anyhow (FATWS is still growing on me and i only like it so far bc im a sambucky shipper. and a stucky shipper. and a 3 musketeer shipper. and a—i like making buckaroo be in love a lot. lets just. leave it at that). we can stop with the big owies thanks. let me escape to the fictional world where everyone is alive and Nothing Hurts, t h a n k s.

well. okay. some things are gonna hurt in this. probably really super bad too and youre gonna be really really mad at me when it hits. but like. theyre set up for comfort pay off so does it even really count??? i didnt think so, ty for agreeing 😌

ily 💖 tyty for reading 💞 and tyty in advance for yelling at me when i eventually hurt u ❤️🥰 i will understand, its okay, u are entitled to the emotional compensation on that one

[voicetonki]

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Seems about fair but look he shoots the ball in almost the exact spots as in real life. NBA 2K20 MOD APK 98.0.2 (Free Shopping) + Data for AndroidOffline Take classic 2K action on the go with NBA 2K20 for mobile, featuring 5 new NBA Stories, a new. Now as we take a look at Marcus Smart's Chart lets see if we can get him correct as well. are 327 (Average Body) 372 (Skinny Body) 558(Fat body) 1042 ( Muscular body) but I think you need to crack also the different types of jersey like Cloth U jersey example, Cleveland, NYK etc. I use 3dm tool or NBA2Kxxmod tool that was released here in this forum. Hmmm same 37fg% guys so i think im about dead on with what im doing!!Whats that you say what about his stats,Well Wiggins shoots 60+ in the paint so i assume he is gonna try and drive,From the look of the shot chart above looks as if tho the C's kept Wiggins out of the paint but look his stats are about dead on for a rookie!Not too high of a scorer right now and not low neither he's right in the middle i would say perfect for rookies who havent played regular season play yet!Seems realistic to me Ah the body models are in the global.iff file of nba 2k14. Discover short videos related to 2k20 rare builds on TikTok. Now heres what he did in a game i watch for 4Qtrs on 8mins Superstar NBA 2K REDDIT ASK NBA 2K QUESTION The Best NBA 2K20 Builds are Voted to the Top by the 2K. Now lets take a look at this yrs #1 draft pick Andrew Wiggins(Shot 38%fg)in summer league.Well his is his chart.!! Re: 2K14 Next-Gen Mod Beta Released -Updated Link&Cloths&Plays.

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New Game Mechanics NBA 2K14 was a revolution in the 2K series as the game developers revised the entire game. While my predictions and NBA 2k14 is one of the hottest video games out there, and our NBA 2K14 cheats are among our most popular pages 0 : July 4th, 2017 (2017-18 First Update) 20 PS4 real ncaa players draft classes, rosters Announcement.

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Thanks Jain Wallet dont worry about it man,it wasnt a big deal i just didnt want anyone to think i were lying about anything,The crash i've had were due to the global.iff i've tested with a few now and they all seem to crash upon going to player of the game at the end of the game,when a game is finished the player of the game plays out fine but when you go to it manually at the end of game menu it seems to crash to the desktop i asked if anyone was having the same problem a few post back.So i've tested the original global.iff and it seems to work now.I'll continue to work on some other things and get an update soon as i can but for now im just seeing if the game modes have any problems.I have tested out the dribbling and it seems to work fine for me so far but i'll keep working on that as well.A lot of archives i've messed with are really hard to open some open pretty well some have encrypted tadata and cant be open as of yet but i've been working day in and day out trying to get them open i just havent found a way but just have patience with me guys im really trying to bring this back to life and bring some fun to it!Thanks for supporting me thus far.Well im back guys with some updated information again,So what i were thinking was some of the stats etc arent realistic enough for me so i did some editing using the players real shot analysis take a look here after i done my Gary Harris comepare the charts please!!The purpose is to have the most realistic gameplay rookies play like actual rookies not stars so they will have room to grow during dynasty modes For instance, the names such as Joel Embiid and Marcus Smart cannot be pronounced in NBA 2k14 since the audio file for these names are missing, but in NBA2K15 the commentators can pronounce every current NBA player name. The developers of the game NBA 2K14 have made sure that the game is updated regularly so that the gamers have a better gaming experience. This mod for NBA 2K14 PC replaces the default 2K scoreboard with next-gen style scoreboard.

[what-is-fanart]

Waylon Park - Outlast Whistleblower DLC

Reblogs appreciated! kinda proud of this, it took me a while to figure out how i wanted him to look bc he doesn't have a super consistent look in the fandom other than the blonde hair 

[whumpshaped]

Is there anything you've waiting for an excuse to rant/talk about but the opportunity hasnt presented itself?

so this is half a lie bc ive been talking this nonstop for 5 days or so- BUT not publicly.

the spk storyline.

yes- yes- i know- "but tamara youve been doing nothing but post drabbles and picrews and-" SHUSH. I HAVENT TALKED ABT THE FULL CONTEXT AND STORYLINE YET. SO NOW I WILL. SIT DOWN.

ok ok so the entire premise of the spk au i have w @whumpsday is that kane somehow gets taken from the hunters to seth. and meets pumpkin. and theyre both horribly horribly tortured right.

now. this au has a rescue arc. BECAUSE bellamy, that fine ass man swoops in and kills seth. that does not go over well w pumpkin who, while less and less by the second bc of kane's treatment, is madly in fucken love with that man. and of course seeing bellamy commit murder??? is scary??? so pumpkin is TERRIFIED.

now after the rescue pumpkin spends a while being skittish and hostile towards bel, while kane is trying to sort out his own trauma and also manage that, and bellamy is trying his best to be like... non-threatening- but how do u act non-threatening after killing someone yknow- AND on top of all that, pumpkin is going mad without their daily fix of dehumanization. enter anton de sang. whom pumpkin sees and thinks yes. that is the man.

SO BABY PUMPKIN RUNS THE FUCK OFF AFTER ANTON TO BE LIKE "sir? sir? can u step on me?" AND ANTON IS LIKE. GLADLY?? WHAT A FUCKEN WEIRDO. pumpkin gets WHUMPED. while kane and bellamy r freaking out bc they find pumpkin's note abt where they went and they Immediately go after them. theres some angst in here i dont wanna spoil but GOD its some good shit. pumpkin gets home safe tho :D

they all know this cant go on, this is very unhealthy, kane offers to act like pumpkin's new owner in exchange for them never running off again, and pumpkin turns it down bc they know it makes kane SO uncomfy. but bellamy has great acquantances..... and this is where ambrose comes into the picture. u guessed it, the man is a professional vamp dom. thats how he and el meet. oh yes, by the time that happens, pumpkin finally gets the courage to leave the petname behind and start using the name el! which is a shortened version of their birth name that sounds more gender neutral and they love the sound of!

am helps them work through their little traumas while the two of them also fall for each other like nobodys business. in the meantime kane also finally works up the courage w el's help to ask out bellamy, and those two gay little lovebirds also get together. but oh no! el is... el is human... so when they and am finally get married (bc of course they do) that "death do us part" bit is pretty sour. am knows he only has limited time w them.

BUT BC THIS IS AN AU AND WE ALL WANT THEM TO SPEND 3000 YEARS TOGETHER IN HAPPINESS WE DECIDED HEY, AM COULD FIND OUT ABT THE ORIGINAL RITUAL THAT CREATED VAMPIRES AND TURN EL!!!!! so he does :D and from there its all sunshine rainbows and fluff, they live happily ever after as a huge happy family. am's parents kind of adopt kane, which does mean that they rly are one big family since both el and bel marry into it. so they just all share the same last name. oh yes bc neither kane nor bellamy would want to keep their original last names anyway bc of their stupid shitty families. SO YES. thats what we've been discussing for days now and its so good and im so happy it sparks so much joy

and then we have the dark spk au where seth actually survives that night and later bel and am go over to his house when the four of them realize hes alive, and get revenge :) this is a tasty au

theres the bbe or bloodbag el au, where kane takes el instead of jim and anton takes seth. thats where anton's on again off again girlfriend ruby comes in and this au splits into two once more

in one version seth gets taken by ruby later! which is way better than anton but also fucken humiliating bc ruby treats him like a silly little puppy. anton takes graham after this, like in canon

in the other seth never gets out from anton :) poor him :) lucky lucky graham tho

honestly the bbe is the sweetest shit bc el loves being owned by kane. they eventually rly grow on kane.....

we briefly discussed a feisty kane au too, where kane gets taken by the hunters, but before hes properly broken he gets taken by seth. that au includes kane being rude as shit to pumpkin at first. but also seth gets to break him himself :)

anyway heres a demonstration of the difference between spk and bbe

and heres ruby

thank u for this ask it means a lot i rly hope i didnt share anything mill didnt want me to share-

[mostlymaudlin]

wip ______day

i havent done a wip thing in a bit bc ive been stupid busy and my writing has been messy and not very snip-able. but i just found this thing i was working on a while ago that exists in the nothing equals the splendor universe (aka gbbo au). the working title is "instagram husband" which makes me laugh. no spoilers for the fic except that like ya... simon and baz end up together. big surprise lmfao.

thx to everyone whos been tagging me in things even tho i havent been sharing -- i always want to see ur stuff! here's some shep POV.

I lean over Baz’s shoulder as he scrolls through the photos he took, marking the best shots with a heart so he can find them later.

“These are great,” I say. “You’re a good photographer.”

“I’ve got an easy subject,” Baz says, smirking. Simon has stopped paying attention. He’s trying to choose between a purple bowling ball and a black one with silver sparkles.

“Actually, Simon usually looks like shit in photos.” I say it loudly enough for Simon to hear. He looks over his shoulder, laughing. “He’s always doing a weird thing with his eyes. Or moving so much that he’s blurry.”

“Penny says I’m made to be seen in motion,” Simon says, lining up at the top of the lane. “That’s why she thought television would be good for me.”

Baz tilts his head to the side, considering. Then he opens up the Instagram app and puts the camera on the Boomerang function. He starts recording as Simon winds up, capturing the moment Simon releases the ball in a smooth, repeating loop. It looks sick — the flashing neon lights of the bowling alley catch in Simon’s hair and in the sparkles on his ball. His eyes are determined, but his lips are quirked up in a little smile.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Simon pouting up at the scoreboard. He didn’t get a strike this time. Good. That was starting to get freaky. But Baz and I are ignoring his mini tantrum, transfixed by the Boomerang looping back and forth on his phone.

“Penelope Bunce is a genius,” Baz says, saving the Boomerang and starting a new post on Simon’s account. I smile, patting him on the shoulder.

“Cheers to that.”

anyway, i was reminded of this because i'm writing a different scene where baz takes simon's photo rn. and also im soft for bake off universe, so even tho i don't think i'll get to finishing this for a while (there's a tricky bit of the narrative that i don't have the inspiration to fix yet), i wanted to give these versions of the characters some love n appreciation haha

tagging some ppl whose enthusiasm for this verse kept me going when i was working on this fic hahaha - @tea-brigade @urban-sith @palimpsessed @sillyunicorn @knitbelove @facewithoutheart i lov u all dearly

[spirit-shroud]

what are some roles that have been largely changed for cityrune? since you said queen was an influencer now :]

hi ty for asking me im vibrating. havent gotten to talk about this au now for three years and now that chapter 2 is like real and this time i can like........draw occasionally and i have more understanding of nuance...... [grips table] [screams]

this isnt quite what you asked but heres what's everyone from chapter 1 has been Up To with a little bit of context (and under a read more bc it got LENGTHY):

kris - professional stay at home teen (they live w/ asgore n help run the flower shop sometimes. this decision was entirely bc i dont like toriel). was wrongly diagnosed w Sudden Soul Rejection when they were incredibly young and given an experimental transplanted soul as a replacement. it works for them fine, give or take having to see gaster once a month for checkups. but sometimes the soul makes them skittish n decides they're going to sit in front of the pc and play 30 consecutive hours of a certain simulation game and not even let them drown people in the pool. if it were entirely up to them, they'd be like. passing out on the sofa to documentaries about bigfoot. or practicing cool knife tricks to impress their friends at their next tabletop meetup

- EDITED IN: the soul is kind of their friend. they are wearing a hypothetical get along shirt. most of the time, they agree on actions and things to do. tends to refer to themself + their soul as we/us which originally was just something they did in their head but they kept slipping in speech/text n just became a Thing of how they talk. switches to 'I/Me' whenever smth is wrong.

- also edited in: they believe the soul they have is their original soul bc nobody has told them otherwise. whenever theyre like 'oh yeah we think about our soul n view it as a separate entity to us like. all the time. it likes to hurt if we make too many choices it doesn't seem to like and kind of forces us to be a toned down version of what we want to be but thats just how souls are haha' and everyone is like.... 'Hey Kris That's Really Not How It Is.' theyre like. 'huh. gonna ignore that for now' - this was going to be a plot point

toriel - head of H0MEWOR1D (H01)'s department of education; kind of lost her roots as a simple math teacher as she was pushed into a lot of power she didn't even really seek out. divorced asgore over some miscommunications in their relationship; also loosely as a result of grief from asriel's death

asgore - the same. runs a lil flower/gift shop. people come in more to talk with him than to buy flowers most of the time, though

asriel Flowey - he's back in flower form, thanks to the government an accident. causes a lot of technology glitches wherever he goes, and wants revenge. isn't sure how to go about it. asriel "died" around 8 years before the story takes place and kris still misses him and refuses to even THINK about even the IDEA of calling someone their sibling after what happened, just in case it somehow happens a second time

susie - more of the same really. she spends most of her time either at grillby's (she's sort of become his assistant n helps with opening/closing. it just happened) or getting into low-stakes trouble w/ kris

noelle - she's in the city's equivalent of college and shes so tired. shes So Abysmally Tired n got kinda pushed 2 follow in her mom's footsteps. she's rarely around anymore except through text or on monsters & mages (dnd) night. (however.........she will come back w/ a long break n hang out w everyone again)

berdly - tbh i didnt even consider berdly when i made the au initially. idk what he's doing. probably in a similar situation to noelle??? canonically got kicked out of the M&M group due to clashes w/ other players but lurks in their group chat to posts memes sometimes

didnt rly think of any other of kris' classmates (+ their families) after ch1 and probably will continue to not, until chs 3-5 come out and i gotta whip up roles and histories for like. a lotta guys all of a sudden. i also forgot about noelle's parents

sans - runs a convenience store that everyone kind of thinks is a front, but also it has really cheap snacks and the local teens make a point of stopping there after school. so essentially, more of the same papyrus - similar to ut. is a very polite and sweet boy but you'll know when he's coming

grillby - he's back. he runs a bar like back in ut but the cozy vibes and weird-for-a-bar hours keep attracting kids who need parents, so half of his menu is comprised of overly sweet mocktails. usually only frequented by monsters

QC - same as usual. has a "rivalry" with grillbz but, theyre besties and have a book club

mettaton - he's real and he's back. he's similar to how he is back in ut w/ his EX body. likes to hang out at grillby's and talk to unsuspecting fans. has a show for everything

napstablook - similar to how they are in ut. helps mtt with making music sometimes. doesn't leave the house too often, but spends a lot of time posting on undernet

undyne - unfortunately. more of the same. she is a cop in the monster district. i am also upset by this but couldn't think of anything better for her

alphys - a doctor studying under dr. gaster in the hopes she'll one day take over his research. she spends most of her time as a nurse with a bigger title, though, and blocks out the weirdness of her job with anime.

gaster - weird guy. H01's top soul researcher and resident House wannabe. trying to manufacture the ultimate soul that can be controlled with simple internal switches, but so far he's only had 1 (very limited) success with a certain human. monsters just melt, and darkners just sorta......get weird... he's onto Something, though.

ralsei - lonely boy with some very strange hobbies. popular on UnderNet for poetry, baking videos, and general cryptid vibe. is the DM for the monsters & mages group (also seems to think everything is actually very fine in H01 when it is very much not)

lancer - about the same. professional Round Boy. lives w/ rouxls full time. follows susie around like a lost puppy and calls himself her "underling."

rouxls - runs a hotel/casino kind of deal where the objective Bad Guys hang out, and usually ends up doing any of the spade king's paperwork.

spade king - mafia godfather. kind of a dick. don't play cards with him

seam - works with the spade king as his right hand cat more or less because they have for a lot of years and are in that 'sunk cost fallacy' zone. thinks of retiring to a quiet life in the monster section of town like, daily

jevil - used to work with the spade king, but got imprisoned for Crimes. got weird after The Accident (separate from asriel's accident)

temmies (all) - dont really get mentioned except offhandedly but they run the monster space station. so far, are the only monsters who have ever been to space.

as far as chapter 2 goes:

yeah i dont have much so far for characters. in the original version of the au i accidentally made darkners as a whole just kinda..... not great? like all sorts of weird organized crime ties n sort of going out of their way to be A Problem to the city (not even in like. a revolution way. in a working against them but with the same goals kinda way). with the whole context it worked At The Time, bc i just had the spade king to look to as a villain, and also in this au the darkners are just trying to survive a world that ultimately was not built for them (that humans think they own, and monsters sort of... seeing this and wondering what it'll mean for them whichever one wins), but w/ new info abt how the dark world works n more guys to work with i want to kind of. edit the vibe a bit. like yea darkners will ultimately do whatever it takes to take over H01, but maybe in a better way than like. idk. all this. it doesnt have to be peaceful or anything it just has to be more adaptable as we meet more kinds of darkners

however yeah i thought up 'queen as some sort of childless mommy blogger/influencer' and that completely revived all memory i had of this au. she should be on mtt's talkshow. also she sells collectible wine glasses w/ her likeness

spamton is another one of gaster's failed soul experiments, but he hasn't melted yet, and seems............fine? sort of. so he hasn't gotten decommissioned yet. he does want to give you malware tho. hot monster singles in your area n all that

im blanking on the rest of the guys but i hope any of this was comprehensible

[suhnnyskiess]

 tag games!!

tbh this is just an excuse to procrastinate <3

tagged by @dreamystuffers for the tags i haven’t done yet hehe ;w;

Recent music tag game!!

rule: post 4 songs you’ve been listening to a lot lately

Hot Sauce- NCT Dream

Dun Dun Dance- Oh My Girl

above the clouds- Day6

Imperfecta- Carol Hills

Ult group tag game!!

rule: answer the following questions for your ult group!

Going to do an NCT version bc I think they are my ults with day6 and bts but nct has way more members so this will be inchresting

(1) who was your first bias?

Winwin, Haechan and Ten where the memembers who first caught my eye, idk if this does count as a bias tho bc i still was unsure about biasing(?) Bc i was hesitant on stanning lmao

(2) who is your bias now?

THE ONE AND ONLY JOHNNY FREAKING HANDSOME SUH

(3) what was the first mv you watched by them?

The seventh sense!! NCTU!! open ur rice

(4) what’s your favorite mv?

gotta do this by units!! bc i can’t decide HHHHH

NCTU: Work it

NCT Dream: We Go Up

NCT 127: Kick It

WayV: TAKE OFF THAT MV IS SO COOL HELLO!!!

(5) if you could listen to one of their songs for the rest of your life, which would it be?

hhh holyshit idk uhhh Faded in My Last song?? NCTU ??? 

(6) who would you want to see them collab with?

I need to see them collab with Baekhyun but taeyong literally already did LMAO but maybe im interested in seeing a T SM unit like Taeyong, Taeyeon, Taeil, Ten hehe

(7) what mv concept do you want to see them do?

ROCK NCT ROCK NCT ROCK NCT ROCK NCT-

(8) have you ever had a dream with any of the members in it?

dude johnny literallly LIVES rent free on my brain ofc i have dreams with them like all the goddam time

I think the funniest dream i can recall was where i was friends with Johnny and Yuta and they had a new song to be realesed and they played it for me to hear and when i asked what it said like the lyrics THEY REFUSED TO TELL ME AND JOHNNY STOPPED TALKING IN ENGLISH AND I WAS MAD BC DUDE I JUST WANT TO KNOW THE LYRICS OF THE SONG!!!

also had this other dream where all the 99 and 00s neos where spies with me and we had to retrieve this secret lethal weapon and they all were wearing like the stuff from NCT2018 LMAO 

(9) if you could spend the day with one member, who would it be and what would you do?

tbh as much as I love Johnny and i would like drop anything to meet him i think i would be too awkward SO i would like to spend my day with Mark? and probably just chill and ask him for advice on life stuff you know or talk about leaving and idk many #struggles of being in this bridge of old and young

(10) which member do you think you’d get along with the best?

I would like to think 00s liners in general?? but due to language barrier i would say Yangyang?? 

(11) which member do you think you would argue with?

HAECHAN DOYOUNG renjun chenle yangyang

(12) if you had to let one member scroll through your tumblr, who would it be?

Taeyong and Jaehyun? i mean they seem to be too nice to tell me something bad about me fangirling over them LMAO

current/last things game!!

last song: Giddy Up- The Boyz!!

last movie: i dont see movies as often i think the last one i saw was  “ The Passion of the Christ” that Mel Gibson filmed.

currently watching: i’m watching My hero academia, Pokemon, Shaman King and Boruto!! and tv series i think none???

currently reading: does fanfiction count?? bc if not i have lots of papers to read for my classes LMAO

currently craving: minutas:( i havent had shaved ice since idk 2019?? AND THE WEATHER IS SO HOT I WANT TO HAVE MINUTAS

Picrew thingzz!!

rules: make a self potrait using this and make a cute flatcat here

kinda cheated in the self portrait one lmaooo I just dislike how my skin color is never there lol so i did a lil edit jsjsjs

[sootonthecarpet]

What faction do you usually pick in Fallout 4? It kind of sounds like you have beef with the Minutemen but the Brotherhood are bigoted trash, the Institute are bigoted trash who can't even accomplish anything productive, and the Railroad are super fixated on their ethically dubious synth liberation quest and do pretty much jack all for everyone else, so I'm curious as to which one you went along with in the end.

i havent played it thru to the end yet full disclosure kkfdksgf the main questline has been underwhelming so far, so i’ve been dragging my feet even tho i have like multiple playthroughs going. but i’m siding w the railroad because while there r heavy criticisms to b levied w/r/t their methodology, it still feels good to do literally anything to impact any of the game’s like, stilted in-universe bigotry subplots to even a small extent hahajfdsgf. plus i like most of the individual npcs, i end up more annoyed at my own lack of flexible dialogue options than i do at the characters themselves. (it’d be chill if the game had more RPG elements and i could like, influence the politics and idk ‘destiny’ of the group more overtly instead of just being Assigned Grunt.) some of their sidequests are actually pretty fun, or at least are no more bothersome than unguided exploration would be and give me a bit of character development to tide me over.

i guess i do kinda have beef with the minutemen but for the most part that’s my beef with the actual writers showing thru bc of how the game’s like. colonialist fantasy gameplay loop and its unironic fetish for revolutionary war imagery intersect hEAVily when it comes to the minutemen (obvs). in all honesty i’ve never wanted to dip too far into that questline or even take preston along much even tho he seems chill and i like him so far, bc i know the writing (or, best case scenario, the way the gameplay will inevitably actively subvert any good writing that sneaks in there) is just gonna end up seriously pissing me off.

there’s no like, group in fallout four that suits my political views bc even the vaguest whiff of real-world radical politics were very carefully kept out of the vaguely liberation-aligned groups in the game. like, goodneighbor is kind of implied to be SOME kind of socialist outpost right? shared resources, anyone is welcome etc. but wait! it’s a new reno esque hedonistic crimefest where you can get anything for the right price and the only language they speak are bullets! but wait! they have a mayor who they love and respect very much. or is he a de facto monarch? or is he just a mayor? (actually, he’s my lover.)  i don’t think it’s like, especially new or inventive of me to say this, but any theme that made it into the game was thoroughly stripped of meaning and made broadly palatable to like. the right-center, reactionary white gamer demographic. like, uhhhh, this was def a high budget game for a post-gamergate market. so honestly i take what i can get with the railroad. any moment im not cringing is a moment of good gameplay. (usually those moments are like, jumping into a lake in far harbor to get a better look at the non-interactible fish models for ecosystem lore, but again, i take what i can get.)

would have really liked a plot where the pre-game massacre of most of the railroad’s outposts allows the PC to like, optionally restructure it into an organization that’s actually involved with the ppl it’s set up to help (and nix the policy on mindwipes as a shortcut around trauma recovery/safeguarding of the vulnerable, and the--HOLy SHIT--disgusting attitude towards bodily autonomy in general, both of which seem to be there more for player convenience than for a well thought out story purpose), or even like. to see just a LiTTLe followup on some of the shit deacon says abt philosophical infighting early on out back of the slocums joe? but it doesn’t seem like we r going there and like, eh. i can keep my head down and grind out a few boring quests if it means avoiding the risk of total disillusionment with preston garvey and not having to listen to brotherhood anti-ghoulfucking PSAs or whatever godforsaken shit happens when i finally close out the act and let the institute beam me up ahaha.

oh yeah also like every guy who works for the railroad is weird-hot in one way or another (and also they sell me armored, combat-ready versions of casual clothing items so i can look great and feel safe, & make sure anyone whose inventory i can access has some armor on em without heavily impacting their look) and ultimately im shallow enough to let that tip the scales. plus its so nice to come back to the cave at like four AM after a long string of sidequests n see these totally random npcs who dont even like each other, all spooned up on all them mattresses. at the end of the day they deal w each other bc it’s cold and nasty. that’s a way more compelling vibe than i get from any of the actual faction related cutscenes in the game.

then i ruin it immediately by waking up tinker tom to buy more bulletproof dresses.

[cybernightwanderer]

Asking help from my mother in anything goes like this : ( Also social security in Portugal are the new “ Loan Sharks ?“ )

So our goverment is doing a witch hunt on people who took medical leaves this year. I took 1 month and a half of medical leave because i suddently stopped walking, and the recovery was , and still is a mess, and i still havent had treatment because it got canceled due to Codv, i literally just have pain killers, that im allergic to half. But nonetheless i got back to work ( as you know from previous posts i am a cook) , after 2 months on in and out. I went to the medical avaluation first month and they said it was not justified for me to be on medical leave, so they cut it. Blah blah i went to work early, started having even more problems, started not being able to walk again and so on. Basicly very complicated fight with the social security deparment. Because they kept saying i was lying and that i was good to work. Even tho i went to the hospital a few times, sick of the medication or because i couldnt walk again. And mostly because i could even barely stand while working even with 8 pain killers that they gave me. Few months in April they told me to send ALL the medical documents. And the funny thing is, the medical documents are a fucking joke, for example i was taken to the hospital because i couldnt walk, and was in excrucial pain, yet somehow the ER doctors noted that “ i was ok , not in  great pain “ , yet i was literally paralized in my leggs from the pain, and crying in pain non stop everytime someone moved me the slightest. Moving forward. they thanked me for sending all the documents and said they would let me know. Ok so they sent me a new letter this week threatning me , to send new documents because they werent enough. That the documents i sent didnt justify ENOUGH. I mean....it had back exams, legg exams, medical treatments that went consistently wrong, the hospital documents regarding my ambulance , and my ER trips ( NOT ONE TRIP , BUT MULTIPLE ), my doctors document saying i had starters of another back hernia, and my legg liggaments were inflated and damaged. I mean, THATS NOT ENOUGH? ok So i kindly sent an email asking, what was missing. So now i have to ask my doctor to make a timeline detailed document regarding the situation. But for no reason because the Social Security will and just wants to force me to pay it all back, probably because they r short on money in this lay off season , i dont know. And me being the socialy anxious and panicking over this situation i asked my mom to call our family doctor to write a new report because his was a little BLANT apparently. Even tho at the time i asked him to make it very detailed, yet my mom kept yelling at me to shut up and not to waste the doctors time and because it made no sense to make a detailed report. However maybe now she clearly sees that was not the case and that i was right that time. So yesteday she said she would call this morning, ok all good. I woke up , she called me over to the living room, and the conversation went like: Mom calls me over tells me its abou the doctor call. Me - So you called the doctor? Mom - No, you have to ask the doctor for medicine or complain about your back or something, you cant show up just asking for a document. Me - No, why would i ask medicine if i dont need, and he is our family doctor i can just---- interrupted me with an loud and agressive tone. Mom - you cant do that the doctor wont see you , thats wasting his time, thats not how you do things blah blah blah. ( i mean he is a family doctor, and this is just as important as medicine?? im being scammed and harrassed by Social Security?!! ) Me - No you say that you need medicine to the entry registration not the doctor, you have to be honest to the doctor, and its a social security matter, he will know its important, legal shit is important. - she interrupts me again but yelling this time.

And i straight up say : Stop being stupid. And she starts threatning me and blah blah blah. And tells me she wont call the doctor, and refused to help me. So i sayd “ ok “ and went to my room. First of all, its only the third time in my life that i ever call a name to my mom or “offend” her in any sort of way. The names i called my mom were : a monster ( one or two times loudly, but i do call her always in my mind, she beat me up or called me a piece of shit ) And the other it wasnt a name , i just told her i hated her. My mom, my whole living life as called me the fallowing multiple times across the years, some daily , some monthly : A Bitch. An ungratefull piece of shit. A piece of shit ( Also most used one ) Yelling in my face agressivly saying “ YOU ARE SHIT” ( never forgot this one , she did it for a whole month ) Dumb ( this is her most used one, specially when i was just a little child lol ) A lazy fuck ( when  i started having depression and during my depression episodes , such as not being able to get out of bed and stuff ) Irresponsable ( because i dont have a second job, even tho i work 12 hours daily and leave home at 7 am and get back at 2/3 am ) Uselesss ( many many times ) And ofc many sub versions of these ones for specific ocasions. And i have been hearing these since i was in my 3/4 grade LOL, basicly a baby child. And now for the past hour has entered my room acting like a VICTIM, like shes an actual victim of abuse LOL  And now is asking if i called the doctor. BITCH I CANT CALL THE DOCTOR, my fucking crippling anxiety doesnt let me, thats why i asked you. FFS

So now im stuck, i need to call the doctor, but i cant... so im just panicking.... 

[enochianghost]

SU Movie thoughts

I’m basically live blogging it but in only one post

I love that the diamonds seem to be struggling with this new way of doing things. I was a little :/ about them accepting everything quite so quickly. It makes sense they’d still be tripping up! they’re like that person who only just now discovered wokeness but don’t know all the Problematic things yet and they keep saying garbage things and then being like “oh wait no”

i love when ppl remember their characters powers and make them use them in little ways that was so unnecessary, for example steven floating gently onto his bed instead of flopping and casually rolling around in a bubble. it’s the little things.(rereading this now after i’ve watched the movie and this was prob just establishing that he had powers but i love how they did it anyway)

is him just climbing out of lars’ hair just a thing now? he just does that all the time? with no warning? lmao poor lars

A song full of feels straight out the gate, of course. amazing way to remind everyone/introduce all the characters. hell yeah

holy shit i am in love with this new villain idek her name yet but she a rubber hose lovely and im <3333333 her weapon is a SCYTHE???? holy fuck i love her so much who is she girl be poofing ppl all in one swipe hell yeah! get ‘em!

oh fuck did she reset them all?? my GIRL I should be rooting for the good guys here probably but dont @ me im gay

okay but her reverted form omg she’s so bouncy and cute she IS my best friend and i love her so much. she gives off such pinkie pie vibes

okay i havent said anything yet about them so i will now. i LOVE the rebooted crystal gems. do we get to watch them become theirselves again? i cant wait

the backup crystal gems casually joking about how much they wanted to kill steven lmao

“i could’ve lost all my character development!” lmao you think she’s breaking the fourth wall but she just really into TV shows and she views the world like that now. still kinda fourth wall break but, like, explained within the show? love that

oh my god spinel is so annoying i love her so much what a little shit

backup crystal gem remix nice

oh my god spinel is such a dumbass, an annoying bouncy dumbass. just like me bitch let’s be friends

oh cool another lesbian anthem from garnet

oh haha she’s a clingy one like me too oh no

of course amethyst would be first to get back to her normal self, she’s such a good egg. I really do think she knows herself better than the other two tbh. she’s somehow the most mature of the bunch

sadie you’re doing amazing sweetie

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK IS THAT STEVEN GREG FUSION IM SO UNCOMFORTABLE

oh oof spinel is giving off the same mood as toy story. im not allowed to get bored of anything i’ll hurt it’s feelings lmao her obsession with pink reminds me of pearl. i hope she gets the same amount of independence in the end(after watching it seems like they just gave her someone else to cling to, which i....have mixed feelings about thinking of it now. i want to see her become her own gem, but i think she also needs someone to show her she can be loved first, if that makes sense? like she needs a confidence boost. idk how well the diamonds can do that correctly tho. white especially still seems pretty obsessed with everything being Just So)

oh hell yeah bring back her “evil” version im love no, not evil version, emo version. hell yeah

oh no its pulling on the abused kid abandonment issues heartstrings. im projecting hard, my dudes. sometime im gonna feel found. anyways im crying

oh ouch at her thinking the same thing i was, what if steven ditches her the second she does as he wants

climbing the oceans to talk to lapis vibes

okay so i cried at steven’s song but anyway

“you cant just make everything better by singing some stinkin song” lol get his ass but also, like, yeah the fuck he can he’s steven fucking universe. that’s how it be on this show and that’s why i love it

oh no everything she’s saying is such an abused/neglected kid mood “i was never good enough for you and now im not good at all” ouch my heart

“staying hydrated is very important when it comes to smooching” more amazing advice from the ultimate lesbian 

THIS BITCH JUST GOT 3 NEW MOMS! girl i only got one and she’s the source of my abandonment issues. fucking SHARE. she’s as bad as steven. hoarding all the moms

so anyway im in love with everything about spinel, i love seeing everyone in their happily ever afters, i loved seeing the main crystal gems discover themselves again, the music is beautiful, i cried a couple times, all in all a good steven universe movie

[tumblunni]

Oh btw IMPORTANT THOUGHTS about maddiman variant versions so far. I havent finished drawing all the designs yet and im in the middle of capitol shopping centre right now so i cant til i get home lol. So RAMBLING TIME!!!

Sakura-viewing festival maddiman: an alt that venoct/orochi has in Yokai Watch Wibble Wobble, which i felt was such a shame cos similar stuff for other yokai could be super cute! Madds actually fits well cos the Important To His Backstory place Cherry Hill was called sakura hill in japanese. Also itd just be fun to draw him in a fancy festival kimono cos its so opposite to his usual clothes! Itd be cool also if his weapons during his attack animations switched based on costume! so i thought for this one his hospital iv stand thing could be a paper umbrella and instead of scalpels his throwing knives could be dango sticks? Not sure what the potion bottle in his special attack could be, maybe one of those confetti sphere lantern things, or a firework? Tryin to think of stuff that could still work in the same animation, i mean if he threw a tiny taiko drum it probably wouldnt explode. Tho him throwing very unexplosive stuff and it explodes could be comedy gold! Maybe he fries up various other festival snacks and flips them with a spatula and they go BOOM! Or he throws the entire sakura tree????

Miniman maddiman: jibanyan has a variant thats just Jibanyan But Fat And Large, but obv madds is already a round dude so that wouldnt work. So i dunno lol, a sudden skinny madds?? Maybe even call it 'hollywoodman' and its some bishounen actor in a really bad costume? XD weapons would all be bad cardboard versions, for the medicine bottle bomb even the clouds of smoke for the explosion would just be stagehands waving cardboard

Maddinyan: several other people have already draw designs for this but yeah give us a jibbers in madds cosplay! I like the crossover jibanyans better than the ones that are just him wearing a different hat or whatever. Maybe it could be called Dr Tuna after that one random save file i found on my copy of the game. Weapons could all be replaced with vet doctor versions, or cat stuff? Throws fishbone knives, scratching post iv stand, catnip bombs...

Gothic maddiman (gloomman?): i originally thought itd be cute if him and his son swapped outfits but their outfits are already kinda the same thing in different colours. So instead lets design a new outfit for maddiman matching his son's aesthetic! I feel like he'd probably be more gothic lolita while his son is more on the punk rock side of goth. There's a lot of very cute masc goth loli fashions, but i also think he'd totally trick out his lab coat with all the trimmings of your classic femme dress. Also totally a top hat!!!!! Maybe have an eye pattern on it to match cutely with his cyclopsness? Weapon switch ideas: iv stand = fancy cane, throwing knives = black roses?, medicine bottle = a more olden style super fancy bottle?

Hovermadds/Maddi-Man: Jibanyan has like three whole separate superhero variants lol. Hovernyan is such a weird name so i cant really make a madds pun for that? And his default outfit is already very cliche supervillain so if i wanted to do that id pretty much just stick a mask and a logo on him. So instead lets do an au version where madds is the hero! He's gotta have the silliest goddamn outfit so help me god. Maybe all his weapons could now be heart shaped lazer beams (and an entire lazer iv stand XD)

Windiman/Sunnyman: cant be sunniman cos thats a name of a religion lol. Equivelant of the illuminoct/light kyubi and dark venoct/darkyubi forms. But maddiman is already the darkness element and already uses 'light' abilities and has a white outfit. So instead make them weather/seasonal forms? And the sakura one would be close to a spring form so maybe throw in an autumn halloween maddiman just to complete the set. Also i like the idea of a summer madds thats just a yellowy colourscheme but also i like the idea of the dude in one of those old embarassing stripy dad swimsuits from the 1920s. And maybe a rubber ring and armbands and snorkel and flippers and just FULL EMBARAS! Iv stand = surfboard, knives = sandcastle shovels, bomb attack = the entire sandcastle. If i made a separate spring madds aside from sakura madds, maybe he could wear a straw sun hat and have his lab coat patterned like a nice sun dress? (Or just wear a nice sun dress underneath it cos fuck gender roles) Dunno what to do about the weapons except something something sunflowers. Autumn madds could just be him in nice autumn leafy coloured dad sweater. Weapons is leaf also! Halloween madds would be funny if he's wearing a bad frankenstein costume on top of already being a frankenstein, and weapons could be a rubber spider on a stick, some candy apples, and a pumpkin bomb. Winter madds would just be adorbs super warm coat and scarf and stuff. Maybe have a snowman instead of the iv stand? Or a snow-madds, that the turtle kids made for him and hes like I WILL CHERISH IT FOREVER! *invents new formula to make ice never melt* Also snowballs obviously. And maybe a santa costume alternate?

[sharkurai]

answer questions 1 to 25 >:D

LMAO OMG THATS ALL OF THE QUESTIONS OK HERE WE GOOO

1. Favorite drawing from this year

lol so i actually somehow forgot i never posted it on here and only posted it on twitter but there's this BeatNeku fanfic that I really like and i drew something from it, in one chapter Neku had a nightmare and Beat comforts him ;u; The colouring could have been done better but i'm happy with the pose and their expressions here

when i'm done with this ask post i'll make a new separate post for this art and also link the fic for any beatneku enjoyers out there who have not read it yet

2. least favorite drawing from this year

some of the things i drew for the "draw every Neo character from memory" challenge were absolutely awful lmao, but i'm not going to count that, i'll also not count sketches that i never fully finished

so out of all the coloured arts i did this year, i think this Yew one is my least favourite, he was part of a series of 10 drawings i did and out of all of them, his pose is just the most boring and he also got stuck in a job outfit i just don't like as much as the others

3. first drawing from this year

there's absolutely no way this one is actually the first, i'm SURE i must have doodled Byleth at least once in the Jan-Feb time period before Bravely Default 2 released, but i must not have saved any of them to my laptop, so here's a sketch of Seth in the Beastmaster job lol

(in game he says "ya-haar!!" like a pirate a lot so i thought it'd be funny if he said "nya-haar" when wearing the cat hood lmao)

4. favorite character you've drawn

i love my boy Neku so much

5. favorite little detail in a drawing you did

the way i drew Seth's scarf here, for once i actually drew clothes folding in a believable way lol

6. longest a drawing has taken to finish

dang i never actually keep track lol.. many hours

7. most popular drawing

the Byleth birthday art was a big hit on twitter

8. underrated drawing you did

i really liked this Astrologian Tiz that i did, but it only ever got 7 notes, while the uncoloured sketch version has 26 lol

this has happened with some of my other stuff too, i guess my sketches just look better than my coloured arts lmao

9.any new art mediums youve tried (or overall styles if you havent tried new mediums)

not sure if this really counts as trying a new style, but i've noticed that when i started drawing more twewy fanart i sometimes end up doing thicker lineart on my drawings lol

aside from that though i don't think i experimented much this year

10. favorite art medium

pencil and markers

11. artist(s) that influenced/inspired your art style

not sure about this one, i guess the general style of whatever fandom i'm in ends up influencing my style a bit when i start drawing the characters from it a lot

12. fandom youve drawn the most for

last year this answer would have been Fire Emblem, but for 2021 only the fandom i drew most is probably Bravely Default, though TWEWY is defo catching up lol

13. favorite fandom to make fanart of

Bravely and TWEWY, an answer that probably surprises absolutely no one lol

i do still like to draw Byleth Fremblem sometimes tho, even if not as often as i used to

14. how many drawings did you complete this year

28, if i counted correctly and didn't forget anything

15. any upcoming planned drawings

i really want to draw another mega soft cuddling BeatNeku kinda like the one i did in the first answer, after being stuck in Inverted Shinjuku alone for 3 years Neku is probably sO TOUCH STARVED HE NEEDS SO MANY HUGS AND I WILL MAKE SURE HE GETS THEM

16. favorite piece of art from someone else (if you have one)

THERE'S TOO MANY

17. favorite oc/sona drawing

i barely ever draw OC content but there was this ikea shark meme that i redrew with my oc Reiko

18. any art events youve participated in

i only ended up drawing for 1 day but there was a BeatNeku Week event on twitter

19. any collabs youve done/would want to do

i'm too shy for collabs :'D

20. what do you think youve improved on the most over the past year

this year i've drawn better poses i think

21. what do you want to work on the most next

i want to work on expressions more, i think the way i draw faces is cute, but sometimes my drawings lack a certain amount of energy maybe?

22. what are you best at drawing/doing (ex: youre good at lineart, or drawings hands, etc.)

despite having just said i need to improve more on it, the head/face is what i draw best, everything below the neck can be a real struggle for me, which is why sometimes i'm only in the mood to draw busts lol

though i have also been told i'm good at drawing armour by some discord friends whenever i show them my Dragoon Seth stuff

23. favorite pose youve drawn

i might have twisted his spine a bit too much but i'm still really happy with how the pose looks on this one

i really like this one too, probably the most dynamic pose i've drawn ever lol

24. what do you like most about your art style

it's cute, there's a lot of things i want to improve with my art, but it being cute is one thing that does make me genuinely happy about the style i have

25. best advice youve recieved this year or something new you learned about art

sometimes i'll see a post that gives off a vibe of just not giving a fuck and i actually find those pretty inspirational lol

the ones like this or that are like "post sketches!! who tf cares if you don't finish everything!! post it anyway!!!" or i remember seeing one that was like "i may not be a great artist but i've got hands and a pencil and i WILL make that everyone else's problem" thats the kind of energy i want to have lmao

it can be really disappointing to not get the numbers you wanted on a piece you worked hard on but i try to remind myself in the end that as long as i had fun drawing something it was worth the effort even if it doesn't get much attention