#i havent tagged anything in so long too

[xintendo]

this is my first time posting art on this account in YEARS im so nervous hehe

heres an iwachan comm i did for someone on twt and i like him

[poly-star-trio]

i yearn

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hold on ok i belted out a brief laughingstock Scene for possible future use that i Had to write down bc if i didn't, i'd never remember it. and why not share?

~

“Barnaby? Barnaby, old chap, are you with me?” 

Barnaby blinks, registering the green fingers snapping in front of his nose. He huffs a laugh and pushes Howdy’s hand away. “Yeah, yeah, I’m listenin’. You were saying?”

Howdy gives him an exasperated look, a fond look. “Thinking about running off to a farm again, were you?”

“Nah, just the clouds. They’re a lot less work.”

“Well I’d rather you didn’t. Who would I talk to during the long hours if you went and floated off?” Howdy winks before turning to his shelves, already yammering away about something or other.

Something or other that Barnaby is once again not listening to, because what was that? Barnaby quickly presses his cool paw-pads to his burning cheeks, feeling the bristling fur there. 

Has Howdy ever winked at him? Now that he’s noticed it, Barnaby can’t recall. If it’s new, then why? Why a wink of all things? What did that mean? And that look Howdy gave him… 

Barnaby adjusts his abruptly too-tight tie. It’s unusually warm in the store, isn’t it? Howdy must have forgotten to turn on the AC. 

Gosh, what is Howdy even saying? He’s still talking, but Barnaby hasn’t absorbed a word. He can’t even tell if Howdy is still speaking english. It’s all garbled.

There’s something wrong with Barnaby. He must be coming down with something… or he’s just overthinking it. Overworking the ol’ noggin. A good long nap should set him right. 

“Listen,” Barnaby interrupts, patting the counter, “I uh, I don’t know where my head’s at. I better go find it - I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Oh… alright, then,” Howdy says, a tinge of disappointment in his voice. 

Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. Barnaby slaps that thought out of the park. He doesn’t want Howdy to be disappointed, that’s absurd. That’s something a bad friend would think. Barnaby may be many things, but a bad friend isn’t one of them.

“I’ll whip up a joke that’ll knock your socks off next time I see ya,” Barnaby promises. He smiles around the discomfort and the entirely new feeling squirming around each other in his chest. 

“Now you’ve gone and brought up my expectations,” Howdy says. He leans on the counter and grins. “Are you sure you can back up such a claim, Mr. Beagle?”

Another hot flush races under Barnaby’s fur, and to his growing mortification, his tail starts wagging at breakneck speed. He lets out an uncharacteristically nervous laugh and backs away from the counter. To both of their horror, his back hits a shelf, making it rattle and tip.

“Oh, sh-” Barnaby lunges to right it before it can topple. He whips around and laughs again. Howdy’s wide-eyed stare burns. “Sorry ‘bout that! Talk about a bulldog in a bugshop, geez.”

“When you find your head, make sure to screw it on nice and tight,” Howdy says, a strange look on his face to match his tone. “And check your temperature while you’re at it - it’s not like you to be off-balance.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m off-balance,” Barnaby says. He inches towards the door, willing his stupid tail to calm down. “I just have ears instead of rearview mirrors.”

“Uh-huh…” Howdy slides to the side, trying to peer around him. 

Barnaby fumbles for the door. The scrape and bang of his search for the handle echoes in the quiet store. One of Howdy’s eyebrows creeps higher the longer Barnaby stands there, making a complete fool of himself. 

Finally, the door clicks, and Barnaby nearly tumbles over backwards in his haste to get out. He stumbles down the steps and briskly walks away, adjusting his hat and tie. As soon as he’s out of sight, he slaps his paws to his face and sags against the bodega.

“Idiot,” he hisses to himself. He presses his back flat against the wall and slams the side of his fist against it. Normally, Barnaby would use a situation like this to his advantage. But Howdy wasn’t laughing, and Barnaby wasn’t being funny. “Bulldog in a - gah, idiot!”

Great. Now Howdy thinks he’s not only a clumsy oaf, but that he’s losing his touch too.

Barnaby growls in frustration, pushing off the wall and stomping away from the plaza on all fours. What does he care what Howdy thinks of him? Others’ opinions of Barnaby have never been anywhere near his list of top priorities - barring Wally’s, of course. If they were, he'd never tell another joke again.

Yes, Howdy is a good friend of Barnaby’s. A close friend, even. But since when has he had such a - such an effect? Barnaby shakes his head, growling again. 

There was no effect. Barnaby is just going insane. Or he’s getting sick, like Howdy implied. That would explain the sudden hot flash, the loss of typically impeccable coordination, and, oh yeah! Barnaby’s brain leaking out of his ears.  

[orcelito]

ooooookay so i havent seen anyone on tumblr talk about this directly yet so i figured i'd make a post linking to ppl talking about it. im not personally involved, but since this is an artist i recognize & see around, i figure ppl have the right to know

so uh. long story short. @/valdrickvile on here is kinda uhhhhhh not someone you'd wanna interact with, maybe.

^ this thread goes into it

& in case anything happens to the tweets, here's the big document that goes into it. ive read thru a good amount of it and uh........... yeah.

im not sharing this as a call to harass the people involved (Please Dont) but just. people have a right to know. so pls just block and move on.

[olde-scratch]

mm momsger high au. i didn't mean to misspell that. inspired by this post from @tobisiksi . sorry this took so long i had everything written out and then tumblr Deleted Everything even tho i had like two backup posts.

i tried to include everyone i could and give all of them unique monster types but there are some repeats :( ib sowwee i tried to make them unique when i could tho. lmk if u have any suggestions for characters or different monster types.

ALSO HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! i have to work but im going dressed as saiki so i still have the spirit

Saiki Kusuo - Lovecraftian Eldritch Horror

i mean. duh.

he poses as his own (human) worshipper to avoid being indoctrinated elsewhere

"i can't attend, i have worship tonight." "oh that's cool who do you worship?" "they don't like being talked about." "ohh so it's an... invite-only system. right......"

deciding now that closed worship systems like saiki purports are generally a total Scam and people avoid them like a plague. it fits with saikis foray into the internet lol

hes still sooo silly dw

to the people with the eldritch kusuo headcanons, i see u..... i hope u like monster high........ :)

Saiki Kuusuke - Cult Worshipper (Human)

bet you thought i was gonna say mad scientist. WRONG that's his day job.

kuusuke operates as a mad scientist since humans aren't allowed into the monster world (afaik humans arent even seen outside of jackson, who is half monster). idk what he makes tho. maybe he pulls a doctor finklestein and makes bone animals to roam the monster world?

kuusuke is the one who got his family into the monster world btw. i mean he definitely found it p quickly after kusuo started morphing and speaking in tongues and shit

kuusuke would LOVE the monster world, at least at first. he might get bored really quickly, but he'd love being able to be more of a crazy bastard than he already is

kuusuke functions as a head cultist for kusuo, but instead of strengthening him with sacrifices and praying for protection, he weakens him with sacrifices (the limiters) and prays for himself to be smote (kusuo to play games with him) (kusuo ignores him a lot)

maybe he made amp/anpu like he did warp. idk.

Saiki Kurumi / Saiki Kuniharu - Cult Worshipper (Human)

they were 100% human before being dragged into the monster world due to their sons

they basically live the same as they do in canon tbh i dont think a lot would change in the monster world

during the new years chapter maybe instead of saying kusuo has powers, they say something about his eldritchness or how glad they are to "worship" such a chill god. god i wanna write this now.

Kaidou Shun - Vampire

okay so not ACTUALLY a vampire but i think it was nopsi who had like an au where kaidou was like a weaker version of a vampire?? GOD i dont remember the name (hampir?? i cant find it on wikipedia, did it start with an f????). for all intents and purposes, im just gonna consider him a weak vampire

i cant remember if he'd be made thru a human/vampire relationship but if he was then i think we should play into the manga hair colors of his siblings and say that whole toki and sora and his mother are all full vampires, he was half vampire (perhaps he's from the father's side of the family from a previous relationship, since his mother has purple hair in her manga cover i think??)

draculara has her red drinks and her spf and her cute little parasol so OF COURSE kaidou has all of those as well. i think it would be very funny if kaidou had his umbrella customized to look like a hidden anime weapon, but it wasn't waterproof so he has to use a different one when it rains

i have a gen 1 og draculara from when i was a kid and i love her she's so cute :] someone draw kaidou in her outfit he'd slay. actually, just draw all of them in her outfit(s). gloom beach teruhashi. sweet screams mera. freak du chic saiki. sweet 1600 saiko. fearleader hairo. you cannot make her look bad idc.

Nendou Riki - Zombie (Frankenstein's Monster type zombie)

okay so this might be controversial but imagine:

everyone's chatting like normal, nendous head falls off, everyone goes deathly silent, nendou puts it back on and goes back to talking, cue kaidou screeching

bc im rewriting this im not gonna go thru my thought process so my idea was that takeuchi was a mad scientist who created midori after himself bc he only had access to a mirror (neither realized they looked the same). takeuchi died and chouno, who was smitten with midori, remade takeuchi who midori named riki and chose to raise as her own. chouno intended it as a poetic final goodbye but cut to 16 years later and hes still not over her lol

nendou being undead could also play into his appreciation for life.... protecting the obviously smaller and weaker saiki and kaidou.... his care for his dad that he never met (altho he might have two dads in this au?).... THE HAMSTER SCENE. NENDOU :((((

Teruhashi Kokomi - Tomie

im SORRY for bringing up junji ito but come ON

for those who dont know tomie, she's basically So Beautiful that men are supernaturally attracted to her until she drives them mad with her beauty. they cut her up and scatter her remains and they turn into more tomies

however. teruhashi isnt just a pretty girl. she's The Perfect Pretty Girl. so we can just ignore all the bloodshed and murder and deathmatches :D

i debated making her a siren but that just doesn't fit her for some reason. she doesn't have to try.

in op's post they made her aphrodite reincarnated but i don't think that there are gods walking amonst the student disembody unfortunately

Teruhashi Makoto - Intersection Bishounen

IM SORRY THE TERHASHI SIBLINGS JUST FIT JUNJI ITO SO WELL

the intersection bishounen is a vengeful spirit that roams the streets and gives fortunes to young girls that drive them to suicide, after which they come back as ghosts and beg for his affection.

makoto is more of a teenage/ya heartthrob than a vengeful spirit tho so we can get rid of all the cool stuff like fortune telling and driving to suicide

the intersection bishounen also didnt want to fuck his cousin so points to him

Hairo Kineshi - Fire Elemental

i KNOW he's BORING

think of heath. i think heath is like the son of hades or something idfk i say fuck that ive never heard that before until i started getting back into monster high that's not canon to me

theres... a surprisingly low amount of sports name puns :( there's casketball, ofc ofc, because mh is american. there's monster soccer from toralei's ghoul spirit notebook, but baseball and tennis from clawdeen and spectra dont get named so they dont have names. thats BULLSHIT btw someone who's good w puns help me im freezing up

gilda goldstag was also a fire elemental right? i dont actually know anything about her other than that she was in the student council bc she was in the doll pack

theres a wind elemental mentioned in spectras ghoul spirit notebook. figured that id mention it idk

i have nothing else to say this should be obvious

Mera Chisato - Shouku-jinki

okay i need to preface this with something that is very important to me about this, the Japanese creature the jikininki/shoku-jinki originated in the story of musou the preist. as far as ive been able to see, there is a second story featured on wikipedia about a pregnant woman that is legitimately someone's fucking oc insert. im not making this up, it appeared one goddamn day and i dont want to make an acc just to get rid of it but i dont want to have my ip address just There and i dont know how to like draw attention to it. so please know that the story of musou is the only legitimate source of the jikininki and the "jijinki" are just someones fucking oc inserts. i dont know why they did this, i dont know how it's still there bc its been YEARS how has no one removed it??

anyways im calm now.

jikininki (or, iirc the more modern version is shoku-jinki) are demons that were greedy or impious in life and were cursed to wander the earth forever starving and thirsty. at night, they eat dead bodies.

sooo remember how mera acted when she got her money back for a day.

her death was the cause of their bankruptcy, maybe they put all their money towards avenging her?

i think that mera would come from a half human, half monster family so she could already be in the monster world, but i dont have to worry about what powers she'd have due to being a monster.

her mother would be a demon and her father a human who doesn't quite know how to navigate the monster would, so he still has to go away to earn money. also imagine four kids following mera around, three have devil horns and taiks and one is just some guy. (idk if she has 4 siblings but you get the idea)

so yeah, mera is immortal, unable to feel satisfied by any amount of food or drink, working herself to the bone to provide for her siblings. the mera lore is Strong w this one.

u could totally also go for some real body horror with her if u wanted

Yumehara Chiyo - Ghost

ill go into the difference between ghosts and souls in toritsuka's part since you cant take away toritsukas thing but you cant just remove ghosts from mh

i initially thought of making her a cherub/cupid but girlie would be getting No One Together. also there's only one cupid in mh and uhhhh there would be no hope if that was chiyo. yk what chiyo loves tho? gossip. u know what spectra loves? gossip.

i think the ghosts in mh all have a chain motif iirc? ik spectra does but sirena von boo also does (the siren/ghost hybrid) and i dont know any other ghosts off the top of my head

anyways yumehara is totally just a regular people ghost. maybe she cries blood or somethin fun like that? maybe have a bit where she keeps getting told off for having makeup and its her eyes leaking or its her having anti blood leaking drops or wipes

Saiko Metori - Mummy

i was gonna make him a vampire but HELLO??? CLEO IS RIGHT THERE????

rich, bratty, self-centered?? DE NILE IS CLEOS LAST NAME.

idk if him being a mummy would change him like cosmetically, like skin tone or hair texture or whatever but i cant draw so that doesn't quite matter to me. altho ig hed probably just look like a pale, dehydrated, brittle pile of bandages if you wanna be historicallty accurate

his father glows because he's ra next question

he definitely decks himself out in a looott more gold than just his earring as a mummy. bangles, cuffs rings, anklets, hair accessories.

the bodyguards are just the tomb protectors that cleo gets as slaves

he gets a custom made desk of pure gold at pk and he never uses it

i think in ancient egypt married couples would be buried together regardless of if at least the wife was dead or alive, so he definitely propositions teruhashi to take a sand nap with him

he gets a pet crocodile. he has a tiger in canon i think and cleo gets a snake so like. nile crocodile obviously.

i cant tell if he lives in a pyramid just randomly in the middle of hidari wakibara, or if theres a bit about nendou asking him where his pyramid is and saikos just like "bro i Dont Live In A Pyramid."

Kuboyasu Aren - Werewolf

hello?? violent, tragic past that comes back to haunt them regularly and interfere with their daily lives?????

i dont think werewolves can turn into wolves in mh but like if you want doggy kuboyasu who's as big as kaidou, go for it

KUBOYASU WITH DOGGY EARS AND A TAIL.... i dont think that werewolves in mh have tails but thats. a crime.

kuboyasu can smell the rest of the cast. god i wanna know what they smell like in the non weirdest way possible.

i dont have a lot to say about this. doguyasu

Toritsuka Reita - Cult Worshipper (Human)

okay so there's a difference between ghosts and souls in this version. ghosts are a form of undead that are sort of just humans that can float and go thru walls and stuff. souls are the base forms of dead people that remain chained to existence with no knowledge of who they were. normal people can see ghosts, but not souls. toritsuka can see both

toritsuka was also raised in a temple in this au, pretty standard stuff. nothing interesting there.

:)

so yk how toritsuka found out abt saiki thru the souls

and yk how saikis an eldritch monster that melts mind and twists reality to his will in this au

toritsuka does not know the meaning of the term eldritch btw

if ur a torisai or toritsuka angst fan then u can always imagine toritsuka thinking himself inferior to the rest of the pk psychickers bc he's a human and didnt even find saiki by himself, but with the help of his ghosts. sorry i gotta push the torisai agenda.

i personally also hc him to be hypersexualized by the adults in his life due to his touchyness from a young age which lead to him being ostracized by his peers when he began repeating the behavior, thus encouraging the development of touch starvation that he misinterpreted as horniness. in other words, "damn bitch u live like this?". sooo do with that what u will in this au.

(could saiki like..... taste his desperation??)

Aiura Mikoto - Cult Worshipper (Devil)

basically aiura but with cute devil horns and a tail that reacts with her mood. she 100% bedazzles and paints her horns like she paints her nails.

shes still a prophet and stuff but like shes just a lil demonic now. as she deserves.

"yeah i can totes check ur future!!" (rips open a portal to the underworld, chants in a forgotten language, focuses in on one damned soul that writhes and screams for mercy as it withers out of existence where it will wait to be reborn into hell after being offered the temporary reprieve of total nothingness) "babe ur bf is cheating on u like one hundo percent. but ur gonna be a bomb ass doctor one day!!"

i want her to trip toritsuka with her tail

she's not human and she lords it over toritsuka's head when they fight for saiki's attention

Akechi Touma - Cult Worshipper (Human)

initially i wanted to make him a bugboy bc yea but consider

saiki knew him in elementary school so he pulled a real I Tracked Down My Childhood Friend Who Is Actually An Eldritch Monster Masquerading as a Pretty Boy with Pink Hair in a High School?!

yeah soo like what if their dynamic was "what if we were friends in our childhood years before you had to leave to stop the uncontrollable desire you had to break down my reality and drive me into irreversible madness, yet despite knowing the danger i faced i still hunted you down, my prayers meant solely to get a response from you devolving into genuine reverence, solidifying myself as your most loyal devotee...... haha jk. unless?"

we all know that akechi likely faced no difficulty finding the monster world dont even ask

you can insert ur own hcs with his mom all ill say is that shes probably masquerading as some sort of cult worshipper or jekyll/hyde situation to live in the monster world. or maybe he just moved schools and lives sort of nearby but not in the monster world idk

akechi would fucking Love the monster world. he'd never get bored of it. you know the sweet potato scene? oh, honey, he's got access to information about the average size of different monsters, along with the influence of proportions and size, magical interference, etc etc. hed fucking LOVE the monster world.

Satou Hiroshi - Ghost

ive already got three ghosts (see suzumiya and makino) but i couldnt think of the Most Generic monster but hear me out

he's a sheet

hes got two black or cut out circles for eyes and a little 'o' for a mouth. just fuckin 0 。0 .

HES SO. USELESS.

SO PLAIN.

SO BORING.

SO GENERIC.

SO. PERFECT.

and saiki is IN LOVE WITH HIM.

toritsuka is honestly so offended that he is not the ghost-themed object of saiki's affections

satous friends and baseball team are either the core basic monsters (werewolf, vampire, zombie, etc) or theyre basic japanese spirits. im. not doing tons of research on if there are generic japanese demons or if theres just sort of one kind of demon that has a lot of forms,,,, im so sorry i can only do so much research please correct me if you know better

Rifuta Imu - Catgirl

i dont know what the name of the actual catgirls are in mh (werecats?) like purrsephone and toralei and meowlody but fuck it catgirl

she would have THE cutest collar. OR she'd have a ribbon around her neck w a matching one on her tail like catrine de mew. she could maybe even have some sort of shredded piece of clothing like catty noir's skirt or a habit of shredding things

im sorry i dont know a lot about cat breeds so i dont have a lot to say about her species

cat themed accessories.......

btw she's a cat bc of japans obsession w cats. i considered making HER a siren since i scrapped that idea for teruhashi but i feel like it just. doesn't suit her.

Bonuses (people i couldnt find that much to talk about)

Suzumiya Hii - Cursed Soul

i mean what else would she be.

okay so shes not a SOUL shes a GHOST i just think it sounds better like that

Makino Arisu - Ghost

ring-style ghost. i think it's called a yuurei? i did my research for her but i forgot it and the og post got deleted so. im upset.

Matsuzaki - Headless Horseman

idk what is his horse would be i just wanted bloodgood to have Presence in this and the principal is only seen like. three times.

i considered giving kuboyasu the status as headless horseman bc of his motorcycle but g1 bloodgood did not serve that much cunt for her type to be given to a 16 year old im sorry

(i also recently got a bloodgood as my first doll when i got back into mh and i love her :] she came w a cool coat that isnt her og coat but its nice anyways)

Chouno Urkyoku - Mad Jester

okay so ik i said he was a mad scientist but he retired that in order to go into entertainment. it's not going too well.

you could also go for a ringmaster/clown route but we all lived thru 2016 (or was it 2017?) and the ensuing cliche-ifying treatment the media gave scary clowns put me off them personally lol they kind of bore me

(if u don't live in the us or don't know what im talking about that happened in 2016, then god i envy you. just look up "2016 clowns usa" im sure you'll figure it out)

Michael (Ikemi something I think?) - Zombie

idk it just fits him

zombies in g1 can only communicate thru moans which makes them nonverbal in some way but g3 STOLE that from us. fuck them.

Nendou Midori / Nendou Takeuchi - Frankenstein & His Monster

i explained this in nendous thing im not repeating myself sorry

PK Principal - Gorgon

yes its bc of the glasses

also i think theres something fun about being able to say he can rule the school with an iron fist (or ig rock fist) without needing to use his eyes

Kongou - Minotaur

big strong and VIOLENT. you can also play into manny's more delicate side with kongous change of heart after saiki helps him realize what matsuzaki does for him

Takahashi - Goblin

idk i think it just suits him

Shima - Changeling

her whole bit is being a forgettable face so what if she was always just a Little Bit Different every time you saw her

Iridatsu family - Mummy

okay ik ive already done mummy but HEAR ME OUT.

idk abt the mom but i think it would be funny if yuuta was just covered in bandages and his whole thing is tripping over/hitting people with them

The pervy teacher who wasn't actually pervy at all he just had an unfortunate face - Human

he's not even disguised as anything

the monsters saw him and said "nah im p sure he's one of us" and then took him

teacher doesnt quite care cause the monster world has better health plans /j

The "your manga artist is gnc af" guy - Kitsune

kitsune are typically seen as elusive tricksters which doesnt suit his character BUT

theres a whole joke about japanese mangakas being worked to the bone to provide chapters every week or so for serialization even going so far as to hide or make excuses as to why they did not complete the chapter

i feel so bad for them bro i could not (used to do weekly updates for fics for 5 years before i started needing money bc i turned 18)

also. someone give that man fox ears and a tail.

The Alphonse guy - Invisi Billy

idk what invisi billy is but he can be here helping alphonse hide from the shame of his chunnibyou :D

Makoto's rival guy - Banshee

it just. Suits Him.

idk if there are male banshees bc we only know sarah screams and her mom but we can have a trans icon if we need

[cuteiemonster]

My piece for the @hermithorrors zine!! I had the honor of drawing Jevin’s face melting into slime!! ^-^

[arvoze]

the power i will receive in a matter of days will be astounding. watch out

[zeawesomebirdie]

Me whenever anyone else says their writing is cringe: cringe is dead, kill the part of you that cringes not the part that is cringe, etc etc

Me whenever I try to edit this fic: I must stab my eyes out so that I may no longer need to look at how incredibly cringe this is

[thecherrygod]

/

[netscapenavigaytor]

me smiling serenely: i love house of leaves but i understand that its an incredibly difficult book to get into and is really, REALLY not for everyone, and johnny truant's... everything can make like half the book difficult to get through if you don't IMMEDIATELY click with his character

some complete stranger minding their business: house of leaves kinda sucks and johnny truant ruined the book. just skip his parts

me, crying screaming throwing up etc.: SHUT UP...... SHUT UP.............. LEAVE ME OLONE

[mariska]

and what if i just go back to bed. what then

[hanaasbananas]

9 of your favourite tv shows

tagged by @queer-cosette

tagging @thesamestarlight @2manyfandoms2count @omnishamblegreg and anyone else who wants a go

[todayisafridaynight]

Snap you are the king of sexy funny back when you did Yamtien just goes to show you have a talent for humor and cheesecake.

there's something about the title 'king of sexy funny' that's really tickling me thank you so much anon ill take that crown with honor

[monstertsunami]

gonna work on reformatting my pafl webshrine when i get homeee

[strwbrymlkshake]

finished my normalcy phase returning to the horrors

[truethes]

like most things in your childhood, your first birthday is a grand affair. 

your mother had insisted as such, the moment she had intertwined the red and gold of the christmas tree with balloons and sparklers. the seconds it had taken your father to push any festively decorated packages behind one giant, out of place box. a blossoming barbara twig is pressed wholeheartedly against your tiny arm and the window for christkind is only opened once they have managed to wrap an extra layer of warmth around the cold that will no doubt keep you up screaming.

they pay no attention to the twinkling lights outside. only sigh fondly at the way krantz finds himself rolling his eyes the moment they choose to play their very own orchestra for your happy birthday. 

they only wish to make this special for mien engel, as your mother whispers against the wisps of your first locks: a special kind of thank you to the one who chose to stay back on earth. 

───

a few years later, they have you hosting your first party. 

you find it makes you uncomfortable, because everything about it feels faked by the children that attend it. you try your best to understand them, to ask them the sort of things that they find fun, but their gaze refuses to meet your own, too busy staring back at the retreating figures of their parents in turn. even if this affair is supposed to be about celebrating you, all of them are only here to obtain the possibility of gaining a companionship with two entirely different beings all together, as if they are no doubt lead by the stars in their eyes over their hearts.

one even goes so far as to skip the hello and ask the question on everyone’s minds: which does the young child prefer, the piano or the violin?

even krantz is not quick enough to stop you from storming out. 

your father is the one who finds you first, asking you to explain just what has happened to have you in such a state because: “a héros is not strong enough if he cannot rely on those he trusts ... now, what can i do to help?” it’s the type of talk you’ve heard well, one that never fails to open you up against doubts such as these.

( just as you always would, in the end. the floodgates of your mouth already opening up at the reminder of being strong with/for something else. it does not matter if you cannot save anyone today, as long as your father gets to save someone else ) 

“i don’t wish to have company if they didn’t want to be here.” you conclude. it’s the first negative thing you say all day. your father raises a brow, gives you a nod and seemingly goes up to disappear.

the house is empty half an hour later, the same three candidates sat on a table for 50 with merely a birthday cake and an elaborately wrapped box sat so calmly behind it. krantz places the party hat on your head as your mother coos her apologies in turns.

( you are five .... turning to six ... already ready to be seven before the clock strikes twelve once again )

───

“---- so what exactly are you planning for your thirteenth?”

the opening sequence to symphony number 40 falls flat before you’ve even begun. your fingers resting so haphazardly against the keyboard that you’re unsure if they should stay there, or if they should go like you wish to despite being prompted with the most simple of questions. 

your friend only smiles and nods before raising a brow to prompt your answer once more.

“i don’t know.” you slip your fingers away from the ivory you’re so used to slipping away with, all the more focused on finding an actual answer. “my parents have a concert to attend to, so they won’t be able to make it.” 

it’s the first time you’ve announced such a reality, but it fails to make you feel less hurt by it regardless. the orchestra your parents run have concerts that span months in advance, and the one they’ll attend to on december twenty-third is non-negotiable, and despite their insistence that they can definitely fly back to you on time, you know better than to deal with the jet lag between singapore and austria ( you’ve tried it once yourself, perhaps a little too foolishly: there is nothing worse than the tired that comes from an unwelcoming flight, no matter how many hours of sleep you may try to hide despite it )

but a talk like that had ended with a bad taste in your mothers mouth, her words far too forlorn in turn, as though it’s your fault they had to end up almost fifteen hours away from you. 

it makes your expression shift far darker than you’d like to admit.

“maybe you could go and visit them?” he suggests pleasantly.

your ring finger slips itself across the keys, a frustrated crescendo. “... you don’t think i’ve tried?”

“maybe they know you like your home more.” he comments, “they want you to put your happiness first.”

that manages to leave your throat dry. you slam the lid of the piano down so quickly ( he only seems to chuckle in response ) and grumble between hissing teeth, “it’s never been about the place, it’s about being beside those i love.”

those you love like the man who sits beside you, accompanied by white walls and a simple piano you no doubt believe is disastrously out of tune. it does not matter the walls you rest around, the concert hall you perform in, a dream is a dream and every one you’ve held is tied to a worldwide ideology that leaves you a free spirit above all. those you love like your parents, whom you want to see smile instead of sigh down on the phone to you. 

the silence sticks a little while longer and for a moment you worry you’ve managed to hurt him, too. but he perks right back up before you can even question it. he rests a hand on your shoulder and in reprise: “you’re allowed to be selfish, licht.”

you turn away silently. “an angel would never dare.”

the expression you miss doesn’t shatter, doesn’t allow you to see the guilt that manages to seep in, and you’re both mad that you explained and were not understood and irritated that you no doubt never would.

───

he dies only 10 months later, and his words echo in your head. 

it’s a shame, perhaps, that selfishness is never what you’ve wanted that day to be about.

maybe that’s why you bury the rest of your teenage birthdays into concert celebrations / maybe that’s why every celebration comes for everyone else but you. 

───

krantz voices his complaints about ... such circumstances on the eve you turn sixteen, sealing a deal with vienna’s own bösendorfer hall.

“have you considered watching someone else instead?”

you shuffle the papers in your hands a little more sternly ( stille nacht is what rests haphazardly on top; nothing more festive than a song that originated from this town in the first place ). your gaze flickering back over to him, and the nervous assistant who hides behind his suit like a child. “their tickets would be sold out by now.” 

“not to their stars, they don’t. many young artists would be honoured to have you at their christmas celebrations, especially given your reputation ...”

and with that does he open the consequences that immaculate your existence, the only diffuser and infuser of your dreams.

“there’s no way i would simply take someone else’s seat for my reputation, because ... ”

the assistant behind krantz has the audacity to role their eyes, there’s a twitch in your eye in responce.

“i am an angel.“

and the twenty fourth of december has always been about angels giving to everyone else, just simply for one night alone.

you slam the papers back down, fold your arms in a way that makes your decision final. as if there will be nothing to change your mind. 

krantz doesn’t miss such a gesture. you’d be shocked if he did. ever since your parents had placed your tiny body within his arms, krantz had dedicated his whole life to (protecting) understanding you. every unique mannerism, changing temperament, deliberately deciphered like a deliberate ploy to get you to understand him.

he quietly gestures for his support to go, taking a step even closer. “and even angels celebrate, try their best to take a break-”

you turn away, your expression souring. you know krantz is looking out for you like he always does, but you still ...

“the world needs salvation, krantz. who will be there to give it if i let myself go?” you say, and you’re aware that it’s the wrong thing to say and that you sound like a querulous child but you refuse to explain it in any other way. 

“others.” krantz argues back, and your fist clenches against the sleeve of your jumper in tow. “and even if we don’t watch any of them, there are always markets we could go visit, decorations we can find for your parents, do some last minute shopping together.”

“backing out of a promise would make me no better than a demon,” you argue.

“and so would forcing your manager to sign something he doesn’t agree with. i will spend the day treating you, instead.”

you turn towards him open mouthed.

there are many times where krantz has reminded you he is the adult. pulling you out of scraps like a cat with his hand around your collar for one, always choosing to put your health and well-being over any declaration of grandeur second of all. and now, thirdly, towards events like your birthday. 

you feel embarrassed at the reminder that he can simply do that. ( that he would choose to do that for you, despite it all. ) 

krantz takes the final few steps closer towards you, reaching to grasp tentatively at the forms you have already signed to chuck them away and you force yourself to bite back any spewed insults because despite the fact that everything was already planned like before and you have never been one so susceptible to change you can recognise that a decade is long but not quite long enough and you admit, 

“thanks, then.” 

krantz lack of expression breaks into a sunshine of a smile, hands stretched outwide for a hug. there’s a thankfulness behind his eyes that you’re not quite sure you’ve seen in a while, a swab of paper tucked in his pocket in a not so oblivious way. 

“but i want a cake.” you demand. “and for it to be us two, just for this year.” 

( because there’s something nicer about that reality, something closer to home than any fine tune could make. and  if you can make him smile, that is another step closer towards your goal: krantz happiness means your family is happy, a wish you’ve wanted to bring for far too long, again and again and again---- )

“phillipe is not someone i want around for much longer, much alone christmas.” krantz teases as he wraps his arms around you, patting your head like a dog behaving much better. “this birthday will be all about you, you understand?”

and, well, there’s no point arguing against something as strong as that now. is there?

───

krantz introduces you to an actress in the month you are set to turn eighteen. 

he labels her as the leading actress of the only movie this year you’ve shown any interest in. someone so deep into her role that she wishes to understand how to play piano from an expert in the making. with the way she smiles so hopefully behind him, it’s hard not to believe it. but when his (drunken) figure walks away, she relaxes so grandiosely you lean away in the realisation that it’s all simply fake.

“i don’t actually need lessons to play my next role.” she says without hesitation. she sounds a little bored at the possibility of even thinking about it, you note. 

you don’t have a good feeling about this. “then consider this conversation over.”

“wait, stay a second!” her hand grips at your sleeve, and despite you tugging your hand back do you remain rooted by the fear of knowing she could be in danger, that someone could be ogling or chasing her and if he has to he’ll play the role of someones apparent interest to keep them safe---

“i’m asking you for a massive favour, something special i wished to do for my boyfriend.” she continues, rather casually. “but i have to be careful, since my bodyguard will no doubt get jealous if he finds out about it.”

you click your tongue. what a dumbass reason.

“is he a demon?” you say, and you have no clue just who in this situation you are referring to when she only laughs in turn. 

“that’s something you’ll have to find out yourself,” iris placates, mouth behind a hand as if to hide the smile that seems to have made it’s way upon her features. ( even if you can still hear it in her voice. )

this boyfriend of hers is a quote-en-quote “mozart obsessive”, already having been through salzberg more times than he can count, reciting his letters like declarations of love. it’s clear to see that she is at a loss for it, so much so that she’s spent all this energy in finding an authentic austrian pianist to make their next christmas even grander. 

“you’re performing in boston on the 28th, aren’t you?” she questions, once all explanations are out of the way. “... it was supposed to be on the 24th or something, or so the orchestra were suggesting.”

now that has your brow raising. neither of you are close enough to disclose something as personal as a birthday, but there’s no surprise that the industry finds itself gossiping all the same. licht todoroki does not cancel concerts, not even when sick with nerves or downtrodden with the flu ( a disaster in the making, naturally ). 

just what exactly makes this christmas so important to you.

when there’s no answer, she bashfully continues. “i’d like to take you out to meet him personally afterwards.” you recognise this, at least: her dreams / her accomplishment. their shared dream. “and then, if all goes well ... i hope that one day, the infamous mr todoroki will perform in our house, personally, for us.” 

it lingers, then, something you’ve never truly known but will come accustomed to very, very soon. above the upturn of her lips, her eyes sparkle with a gold so liquidised you startle in the next sip you take: greed. iris is as full of greed as she was once with passion, impassioned as in full of love, full of love as in ... ravenous. 

she’d eat an angel like you whole if she could. 

“maybe. i’ll think about it.” you placate, and you think, think, think──

later, when you are what you imagine to be tipsy and full of good food in your stomach do you hand her your only set of tickets. a single set of four, based on a family rather than a couple on a nervous rendezvous. 

“do whatever you want with the others,” you inform her. “i hope to see them filled.” 

( maybe, just maybe, that should have been the sign that things were about to change.

for better / for worse. )

───

it’s the 28th december and you almost manage to tick off everything you said you’d do. the 24th marked your 18th birthday, in which you managed to spend the time between krantz’ bounds of adventure and the silent grasp of your parents coddling. there was a performance in america this afternoon, hailed as one of the greatest feats you have accomplished in your steadily growing career. there’s even an invitation, and acceptation, between two young celebrities that you find yourself one half of, even showing up first as if to prove a point.

you’re not a changed man, not really, but something about this feels expected. feels like it’s the right thing to do. 

you end up in a conversation with her boyfriend for what seems to be like hours first, and it turns out he’s just as fascinated as she is warned. your hands are prodded, fingers imitated in turn, but you manage to keep your composure, to stop the inevitability of them falling straight into this mans face.

the waiter runs in the moment your fingers flex. rushes to a kneeling position between your table, his words are timid, pained even: iris is now dead.

lost in a freak accident, of all things.

it’s - it’s like watching a movie in some traumatic, damning way, the man who had only smiled mere moments ago shifts into a picture of grief you’re undoubtedly unsure of how to take away, and even though there is no way to comfort him ----- to hold his hand would ignite the discomfort beneath his skin, to offer reassurance no good from one so practically a stranger ----- there’s still that apology, that guilt that thins within the silence that is grows between you. 

when he buries his tearful eyes into his cupped hands, you take it as your cue to leave, a responsibility so evident it claws up your ribcage with the intention of over-spilling across your chest. but there is no amount of divination you can bring here, not how you had been expected to help, so you swallow it and instead offer a pat on his shoulder before you have to pull yourself away. he asks you to take his number, and you almost bite back how such thing would be inappropriate for strangers to do, but then you see the devastation in his eyes and remember that’s not the sort of angel you can be anymore, and you take it without a hesitation. 

you leave without saving it, but he still offers you one small smile when you turn away, and as you walk away, the warmth of such a gesture despite the misfortune of the situation warms your body against the chilling bite of the winters storm. 

krantz stands outside without a car when you see him once more, and promptly advises all of next week is cancelled on the misplacement of grief, and with a deep breath do you find yourself thanking him, requesting some time off before you go back to the next plane, and ask for the opportunity to be able to walk everywhere else you might have to travel for the time being. 

he doesn’t question it, perhaps knows it’s better not to. 

even when you come hand in hand with a hedgehog merely days later, even when you demand that you have to make him a chain to signify such a bond.

( after all, nobody could expect the events of this birthday to make everything else so different. )