#i honestly found her to be pretty relatable and some of her more toxic traits helped me realize aspects of myself i need to work on

[vaugarde]

sometimes i think abt that youtuber that said diane nguyen was a dull character in seasons 1-4 of bojack because “shes the character that is the hardest to relate to in the cast because she’s married to a sitcom actor and is a popular ghostwriter, which isnt something many people can say, so to fix her, they needed to let her get divorced and get into a worse financial situation ”

as opposed to the actual sitcom star she married who got the job by wandering into a studio, apparently,

[linabirb]

👀👀👀 For the bingo, I'd like to hear your thoughts on Aki (csm just to be safe because its quite a common name haha), Makima, Isagi, Kaiser, Reo, and Mikoto.

.. OH BOY I HOPE YOU'RE READY TO HEAR SOME OF THE WORST TAKES EVER

.. i'm going to be honest. I GENUINELY FORGET AKI EXISTS SOMETIMES. like my brain just goes "uhhh remember denji and power's big bro" and im like "OH". if you remember my akutagawa bingo, i think you can see a pattern which can only be described as "i am so sorry but i just cannot make myself care about brooding dark-haired anime boys" 😭😭 (dan heng from hsr is one of the few exceptions) idk i really do think his story was sad but i'm also kinda like. i was too focused on other things when i read and watched csm JSKDSLASLSL. "what things" well.. let's talk about the next character on our list.

feel free to shoot me or stab me for this. but yes, THIS WOMAN IS ACTUALLY MY FAV CSM CHARACTER 😭 (along with kobeni and asa) i just love evil women! and i love well-written evil women! and i have so much to say about her. i genuinely love the way she was written and she's a very realistic character, but i am not a fan of how the csm fandom just. doesn't care about her character at all and cares only about her crimes and i'm not even talking about her basically destroying the whole world and killing SO MANY PEOPLE, i'm talking about her relationship with denji. which is, OF COURSE, bad and extremely toxic and unhealthy, especially considering that denji is a minor. however, i think seeing that as her only "personality trait" is so.. it just doesn't sit right with me. like i would be okay with people talking about everything she's done and analyzing it and going "yeah she's still a bad person even if she's well-written and deep" but i am NOT okay with people going "yeah she's a groomer and also she killed my faves :(" like. i don't know. if you don't want to interact with such "problematic" content just don't read it? though i'm gonna be honest i'm pretty sure most csm fans are very young and from what i heard, a lot of them haven't even read/watched any "dark" content before csm. me picking "they are innocent if u ignore their various crimes" is obv a joke, i definitely agree that makima is a terrible person, but also. i can't deny that she's pretty <3 and also the fact that she just needed a hug breaks my heart every time i think about it. i actually have a plushie of her too! one of the best purchases i've ever made, she stares at me with her big ol' yellow eyes and i do everything she says. thank you for motivating me to do my hw, queen.

but enough talking about my faves. honestly.. i don't really care about isagi? which actually makes me very sad bc i found him very relatable at first but then i kinda got bored? like i can't even describe his personality, i can only say "uhhh he's friendly with other guys unless he's playing football and also. uh. he likes football"? and ig that can also be very fun and i'm usually a huge fan of characters that usually act nice but also have a very rude and mean side, but isagi is just. idk, i don't really find him that interesting and those moments when he's like, busy analyzing everything and coming up with strategies.. honestly, i just skipped them JSDKSLSLS. I WANTED MORE ACTION OKAY. i think his relationship with bachira is cute though!

BACK TO MY FAVES. i would bite kaiser's head off if i ever got the chance but he's also one of my fav characters. yeah. he's so cool, i love his design sm, i need to look like him. i want to get into his head and figure out what's wrong with him. i want to squeeze him and crush him and tear him apart, but i also love him so much. tbh i don't know anything about the new chapters, but i'd love to learn more about him, it's like, at the same time, i want him to have a backstory that's a little bit (or maybe VERY) sad, but i also kinda want him to be like that just bc he can (even though i'm pretty sure it was implied that he does have a reason for acting like that). and yes, i love his relationship dynamic with ness. yeah.

reo. another fave of mine. though i actually didn't like him that much when i first saw him, but. i knew deep down that a purple boy will become one of my faves. love this gay disaster of a man, everything that happened between him and nagi was more entertaining than every single romance movie that i've ever watched. i want him to get better and realize that he's capable of doing great things without him. i also want him to become even more dependent on him for angst reasons. it's hard. and i honestly both love and hate that moment when he decides to return to nagi right after he finally started to get some character development, because YES I WANT HIM TO GROW AND I WANT HIS PERSONALITY TO BE SOMETHING OTHER THAN "if i spend at least one day w/o nagi i will die", but also it's very realistic and as someone who was in MULTIPLE (platonic) relationships that were exactly like his relationship with nagi.. that moment was very painful. in a good way. and again, i wanna look like him.

my relationship with mikoto is very hard to explain bc it's like. in theory, i'd love to learn more about him. i'd love to stan him. but also.. i'm not a fan of how the fandom pretty much makes his DID his only personality trait? maybe i'm just on the wrong side of the fandom, but i rarely see any posts about his other traits? again, i'd love to learn more bc i have a feeling that we have a lot in common, but. but yeah. i'm a huge fan of his minigram version though <3 so silly. so squishy. so funny. (honestly, me being salty that almost all convos about mikoto usually discuss his DID is so funny to me now that after three therapy sessions i've found out that i'm most likely a system SJHSJDKDLSL like bro THAT IS YOU) about "i would push them down the stairs" i mean it in a silly playful way :) like i want him to fall down and scream in a very cartoony and funny way.

[ssaalexblake]

I finished 11! I was never super into him during his run, i didn’t dislike him but i didn’t care much either, but during rewatch i actually came to like him a lot? I think hindsight is helpful here, because i could see the building blocks being laid that take the doctor further away from ten’s more toxic traits and actions, because for being Wildly irresponsible, 11 was actually making a concerted effort to Try to be better even if he rarely in practice succeeds. 

He tries to do right by Amy and Rory, and like i said, he may not always succeed and he may say stupid things but he honestly tried to make it so they’d have a healthy relationship with him. A town called mercy showed us shades of the doctor’s realisation that their actions have consequences, he even calls himself out for how ten acted around the master, which will bring us into s8 with Missy and 12. 

His relationship with Clara is also less *side eye* if only because now i Know full well where they go and it wasn’t happy go lucky masquerading as reasonable as much as it was the prelude to some meaty and self aware character plots to come with clara and 12. 

I can’t necessarily pick out things i’d say ‘wow i love that’ about it, but a vast majority of it was very watchable and i’m not actually looking for peak brilliance in dw, so i call this a win actually. Some episodes i Do really love, even if i actually don’t love the vincent one as much as everybody else? I find tthe fact that they kill the creature that’s just scared and disabled pretty... not great. But??? The Doctor’s Wife is my favourite, still. The vampires of venice was a totally forgotten jem, i Loved the ‘you should be in a museum... or mausoleum’ scrap of dialogue, McCrory killed that performance. 

Also liked Amy and Rory more as people this time, i actually think they’re easier to relate to now i’ve almost lived their age through? Didn’t really Get them back when i was in my early 20′s, couldn’t really place amy’s early 20′’s immaturity and the tension between her and rory because of it. Now it’s vastly clear that as we meet amy for the first time as an adult, their problem was that Rory had been made mature more quickly Probably due to his career choices and the gulf was wide until amy caught him up, which moved her from 11 to rory and so on. 

Though, I do believe the low point was either A) how he treats river, B) the use of the whole mystical pregnancy trope or C) that time 11 did a genocide but used humans as the weapons in it and forced murder upon like... everyone on earth. I’m still not sure if the narrative even realised either of those things were bad. I know 12′s resolution with River has him realise the damage he did to her, but it’s a bit Vague to the point that i know the doctor is Aware their behaviour was bad but depending on what the writers at the time may have thought was bad or not in their writing,still may not really be calling out everything that was a problem? 

11′s last few eps were deeply questionable from a writing standpoint, tbh, his very last episode was Much better than the three previous but they kind of spoilt it for me with the whole unnecessary and uncomfortably sexual nakedness thing that had like... No baring on the plot and just made what would have been normal, sweet scenes just creepy. They were so close on this one. 

The name of the doctor was a fine episode if i ignore any and all feminist ideals i possess and conveniently ignore that the plot of the episode isn’t Actually resolved at all and honestly, the 50th anniversary was kind of fun as well, except they used the zygon plot as a vehicle for the emotional story surrounding the doctors and their choice to destroy gallifrey and then... Totally abandon That plot as well when they don’t want it anymore. 

and that’s a shame, genuinely, because they really pulled him down at the uh... eleventh hour. Bad plot resolutions are better than No plot resolutions and they weren’t even giving us Anything. 

But all in all, i found very few episodes hard to get through and while it was a nightmare in terms of casual offensiveness increasingly as time went on, the episode morals themselves were rarely questionable if at times badly executed to the point it mangled the moral. The River Amy thing is a whole can of worms on its own, which would involve a detailed take down of the mystical pregnancy trope and it’s late so no, but it’s awful and should never exist and it did here. 

idk, i didn’t hate it, and i kind of did by the end of 11′s run back in the day, but my criticisms are more founded in actual critical thinking now and are ironically probably more scathing for the emotional detachment. I’m left with that frustrated feeling of ‘the bones are good but if it could just be Tweaked i’d properly like it’ mostly, i think. idk.

i rambled but that’s fine who needs sleep anyway 

[biaswreckermagnet]

Fate: The Winx Saga - My Thoughts and Critique - Part 1: Characters

Be warned: The following post will be quite long as I have a lot to say. Please note that this is all my personal opinion and this is just the thoughts and critique of someone that has watched the original Winx Club several time and I have watched the new Winx Saga, and this is in no way a blind hatred based on only word of mouth and seeing half a trailer. Enjoy

I will be comparing this new series to the original 4Kids version, as this is the version I hold close to my heart and grew up watching. So if there are any plot differences I describe from the animation, it is probably due to the slight changes made in the Nick Dub, which some people will know best (example, in 4Kids dub, Aisha’s name is Layla, and Sparks is known as Domino in the Nick dub)

CHARACTERS

Well, I have a lot to say about the characters, just like anyone else. I’ll break down, the casting, compare the character to the animation, and their personality in the Netflix series.

Bloom

The actress chosen in my opinion was a good choice. The problem I have, is her personality.  They got the determination and hot-head traits right, of course. But in the animation, Bloom is warm, friendly and bubbly. Easy-going and popular among her peers. I don’t know if they were trying to appeal to the oh-so-angsty teenagers that don’t want to go outside and have few friends. The typical “I’m not like other girls” trope. Tropes are popular, and as someone who has written stories in the past, I have used that trope once, but usually it’s a trope I like when it’s to show the character’s beauty compared to others who may be catty and selfish; not so beautiful on the inside. Here, to me, Bloom is just unlikable. She may be angsty and a rebellious teen, blah blah blah, but she was so rude to people like her Earth mother, and inconsiderate of her own actions and how it could affect those around her. Even if Aisha told her “That is a bad idea, you’re going to regret it” she runs along and does it anyway, and then she gets into a bad situation which also affects everyone, Even if she helps clean up the mess, damage is still done.

In Fate, Bloom’s relationship with her parents is not amazing. Yes, she’s an angsty, rebellious teen who almost kills them because she lost control of her power, but I found this cold, rude relationship so unnecessary.  As a teen, sometimes it may seem like no one is listening nor can understand,  parents just seem nosy and overbearing, but communication is key. That’s what I find so many shows are missing now: communication.

Looking at Bloom’s relationship with her parents in the animation, it’s not only simpler for them to know from the start that she has powers, but it makes the communication between both parties better. This strong relationship Bloom and her parents have is always present, but we see the beauty of it in Season 1, episode 13, “Meant to Be” when Mike and Vanessa sit her down and talk to her about how they realised she had magic before that fateful meeting with Stella.

There is none of that warmth and love now. Bloom curses at her mother, gives her attitude and is overall just a brat.  Bloom may feel remorse towards herself for burning her mother, but then, why is the attitude towards her so ugly? I really don’t like it.

Aisha/Layla

Next is Aisha, who is the only character that was not whitewashed from the original. The only reason I think she wasn’t is because the creators of Winx Saga knew there would be a true uproar if they dared to replace her with someone non-black.

She is the general voice of reason in the group, and the babysitter of Bloom and company. She will support and be the shoulder for Bloom to lean on in a few cases, but generally she’s the only one calling Bloom out for being rash and insensible, but then she gets ignored or sneered at for it, despite rbeing the only one with awareness for consequences.

There isn’t much to compare to with her animated version except for her being athletic; made very obvious in episode one where she says “I swim twice a day, every day”. (Even though that is the only episode we see her following said routine.) Other than that, her backstory is not expanded upon like the animation, obviously due to the lack of screen time and actual length of the Netflix series, therefore for me, I didn’t really bond with her character like in the original.

Stella

The actress is pretty. Not too hard to cast a pretty blonde in a series. Moving on.

In the original Winx, I adore Stella. She’s bubbly, she’s fun, she’s bright. Literally the sunshine of the group. Yes, she has her snooty privileged princess moments, but she is a likable snooty, privileged princess. Why? She showed that she really does care for her friends. Stella can be self-centered and insecure, but she’s never afraid to say that she’s wrong when she realises her mistakes. This is shown several times, but right now I can speak of two instances: Season 1, Episode 8 “Spelled”. Technically, she was under a spell that made her moody and rude, but she still knew she had to set things right after upsetting Musa. Another memorable moment for me when she showed her caring side was during the girls’ stay at the no-magic resort in Season 2, episode 21 ““Trouble in Paradise”. She went after Aisha/ Layla to check if she was all right, they connected and Stella earned her Charmix. Overall, Stella in the animation has her flaws, but she is loved by all and she herself loves the people she’s close to.

However, Stella in Winx Saga, I detest. I was really disappointed with what they did to her character. Honestly, it would have made more sense if she was Diaspro (Sky’s ex-fiance from season 1 and 3) and not Stella. She’s  a snob, rude and dismissive of others’ feelings. They did try to toss a sympathy card at our faces later when they eplained the reason why Winx Saga Stella is so - her toxic, overbearing and abusive mother - but honestly, maybe it was because it happened so fast because of the limited time, butI was not feeling any sympathy towards her. I felt like I should have, but I couldn’t. I hope her character changes in Season 2, if I even bother watching it, because I was enormously disappointed with Stella’s new persona for this first season.  The Solaria ring was nice enough though.

Musa

Well, here we go. One of the infamous whitewashing cases.  To tell the truth, I'm not surprised but disappointed that it acueallyhappened. You mean to tell me they couldn't find any capable Asian actresses for Musa? Yes, small production and low budget, but still. If you are going to make a live action for a cast that is well loved, respected and recognised for the diversity, you should keep it. It just feels like they do it on purpose at this point.

 Winx Club Musa I like a lot. I love all the girls, but she's just so laid-back and cool, but she's not afraid to call someone out for being unfair or on their attitude (namely Stella most times). She cares for her friends and she cares for Riven. She's family oriented and she's so passionate about music.

 In Winx Saga, she's a mind fairy who used to be a dancer and listens to music with headphones to block out the emotions of people around her when she gets overwhelmed. Interesting new concept and it comes in handy for the new show material. I wouldn't say she was completely unlikable in the WS series but there wasn't anything much besides her ability and that she and Sam (Terra's brother) had somehting more than a fling going on. They were a nice couple. Good chemistry in kisses. I don't know why they decided to not make Riven her man - who knows what the plan is. Riven was not hers in the beginning of the animation either, but we saw a great bond form later on. Their relationship had problems unlike the other Winx couples, but they still are a fan favourite. Let's see how this new match goes I guess?

Flora/Terra

Terra We all know she's supposed to be Flora, no matter how they try to spin it. Before anyone says she's a different character so it's not whitewashing, I have seen a video on Youtube where a girl explains that in actuality, it was supposed to be Flora because there are (now deleted) clips of characters talking to Flora, not Terra. And the adresses portfolio said she was to play Flora. They seemed to change it to avoid heating up the hot water they had already landed themselves into.

Therefore, I will be comparing Terra and Flora. I was extremely disappointed when I saw the trailer and realised Flora was clearly not there. I am not usually one to care whether or not someone looks like me in a show, but I do relate to Flora. I may not always be one that likes to get close to nature honestly, but everything else about her I relate to. I love pink a lot, I am a mixed race person so her looks are what I identify with the most, and our personalities are quite similar. 

Terra, on the other hand, is obviously white. The love of plants is there and her sweet and gentle personality is there. Though, it doesn’t get much time to shine because whenever she speaks, she’s either cut off or ignored, unless she’s spouting information the others want to hear at the moment.  They did make her quite chatty, and at times even I was a bit annoyed, not because she was chatty, but because that trait just seemed to be a gateway for the scriptwriters to hit you with details about Alfea and its history, and information about fairies without making much effort. Terra didn’t have much screen time, but whenever she was on screen, she was always the butt of a joke and treated poorly. When the situation became dire, she did have some moments of strength, but then the other characters still treated her the same so it seems meaningless.

One main reason Terra stands out to the audience is the fact that she’s the only plus-sized character. I’m all for representation, but I don’t like where they went with Terra. She’s shown to be insecure about her body (shown when she avoids her roommates to change alone). Yes, she’s supposed to be a teen who has heard non-directed comments about weight by other characters, but why couldn’t they make her a confident plus-sized girl? I have plenty of friends that are plus-sized and confident about themselves, older or younger. In media, it’s rare enough to see a plus-sized person, but also one that has confidence. This show is directed to teens, and those who may look and feel the same as Terra won’t have a good example set for themselves to be more confident. If you’re going to include a certain figure in your story, yes, everyone has insecurities and all, but if you have the power to shine light and empower, do it right!

Sky

One reason why I bothered watching the show. Danny Griffin. The man playing Sky. Iin the original Winx, I did not really care for Sky as I’m not really into the long blonde hair, I prefer shorter hair. So I was quite pleased to see this casting as it fits more into my personal type.

Anyways, let’s continue.

I found that the casting was done well for Sky. A hot blonde warrior that can wield weapons well? They nailed it. However, that’s kind of where it ended for me. Due to the plot, his character was pretty much ruined for me. Winx Saga Sky was sadly unremarkable personality-wise. The story didn’t allow for much expansion for him besides having the hots for Bloom and the whole boo-hoo story about his father. There was something of a nice relationship with his mentor, but I’ll get to that later.

Danny Griffin’s performance was quite good. My only issue was one part of his first appearance where his first few lines. . .sounded like lines. Not so much the result of bad acting, but it just was another case of sounding like lines written for a script than natural conversation. But I only really saw that in the first episode, and since everyone would have been getting into character at that time I can let it pass. Otherwise, he performed well as an actor.

Riven

Winx Club Riven does not have the best first impression. According to Musa, he’s “a little rough around the edges, but that’s kind of his charm”. He’s a troubled, moody guy who falls for the wrong girl. He has a very competitive side, especially with Sky, who always manages to beat him in combat. He is indeed often arrogant of his abilities, but he proved himself to not be just all talk during his escape from imprisonment in Cloud Tower during Season 1, and even Sky admitted to being impressed with his knowledge of survival and strategies, even going so far as to say he always thought Riven was the “Red Fountain Slacker”. Animated Riven also has a sweet side that was displayed in season 2 when he comforted Musa during the girls’ first mission to Shadowhaunt, and much more so after they started dating. He expressed how much he cared for Musa in shy but blunt ways. Flawed, but a character that developed throughout the series.

Winx Saga completely threw that out of the window. Riven is now just a clown that does bad boy things. He’s clearly still being portrayed as the “edgy” character with troubles and insecurities, but the rest of the show is so aggressively dark and edgy that he really has no way to stand out anymore. I don’t know what they’re planning to do with his characterr later on, but I really dislike what they did to him. The only thing done right is his competitive nature towards Sky. Side note, this is also my personal preference, but I must add that I am not feeling the minimal facial hair. I’d prefer a clean shaven face. The little spikes just looks messy. But then, facial hair always looks messy to me. 

Faragonda

Faragonda. Or as she is known now, Farah Dowling. I’m not sure what to say for her. The actress did well, I can say that. The problem always lies with the characters themselves.

 Faragonda is a beloved headmistress that always has an eye out for her students, whether she watches them through her magic mirror in her office or just personally. She gives them enough guidance so they can grow on their own and helps them when she sees the need to. However, she is also strict when needed and will not condone disobedience; this was seen in season 1 when the Winx were punished for breaking into Cloud Tower to get Stella’s ring from the Trix. She is a brave, just and kind woman, well suited for a principal position.

Farah Dowling does not have much besides her position. She’s very secretive and those secrets seem to be there to cause drama when it could have ben avoided. It could be an irrational thought process that humans have, but I’d expect that from someone who hasn’t experienced much in life. The type of past Farah has, she should know better than to keep secrets if she knows it can put the whole school in danger. Her lack of disciplinary action was evident, whether it was the scene of a villain making their move or Bloom blatantly disobeying orders and making choices that moved the plot forward a bit. It was odd to see that even if she knew this person went dilly-dallying in her office or broke a rule, ut wasn’t met with discipline unless something really bad happened. Whereas, we all know that in a school setting, small rule breaking is also punished. I did like the part in the last episode when she and Bloom finally had a warm interaction, I found it very sweet and it was nice to finally have her interact with Bloom without having to expect some impending doom to arise in the next scene.

Beatrix

We did not get the stylish trio we know and love for Winx Saga, but I must say, I was not disappointed by Sadie Soverall. She portrayed the character really well.

She’s a blending of the famous Trix. She’s cunning and does not let anyone get in her way, much like Icy. Seductive like Darcy and I’d say she has Stormy’s malicious nature. (I mean the Trix are all malicious but Stormy generally could let her viciousness rule her judgement). As well as the fact that her power kind of looks like electric bolts, like Stormy’s.

A manipulator that was being manipulated. She’s icy cold, cunning and she knows who she should attach herself to in order to reach her goals. Just a sub-villain I say, but I enjoyed the character. Minus the odd little plots her character was mixed into, which I will discuss later.

Rosalind

A new character who so far seems like the puppet master of all the characters - both good and evil sides. A master manipulator and charismatic. Very enjoyable to watch despite her short screen time. She was the one person that actually had me excited to know what was going to happen next. Very well performed in my opinion.

Mike

The only time I saw this actor truly in character was in the last episode when he was wearing this blue shirt. He really looked like Mike. It may always be necessary to dress a character exactly like the original, but some things are just subtle and yet iconic. Imagine Shaggy from Scooby-Doo without his green shirt and brown pants combo. It wouldn’t feel like him. Otherwise he’s quite a basic looking man so not too hard to cast. I do think this actor really matched Mike though - looks wise, at least.

With Mike, there are less interactions with Bloom besides having very basic “How are you doing?”conversations. There’s a lame joke here and there but nothing really worth commenting over.here now The focus when it came to mentioning the parents in Winx Saga was mostly to Vanessa.

Vanessa

Vanessa in the original series is warm, loving and a good mother.  She and Bloom have a strong relationship and have great communication between them, and Bloom not only respects her but also goes to Vanessa when she needs advice and support. The ideal mother-daughter bond.

Date’s Vanessa is more. . .trying to be a good mother but not quite nailing it. As I mentioned during Bloom’s analysis, she’s met with hostility or downright rudeness if she even mentions going out and making friends to her daughter. There were a few moments when it could have been touching to see thieir interactions, but apart from the scene when Bloom was feeling homesick, it felt a bit rushed. Perhaps it was the acting, perhaps it was that the awkward interactions overruled the positive ones, but the Winx Saga relationship between Bloom and Vanessa didn’t feel as connected.

In conclusion, mot of the acting was well done. The issues I have were mostly due to the writing of the characters, not the ability of the actors.

Other minor characters will be analysed during the plot discussion.

[everyone-has-their-story]

Season 3 episode 10 commentary with my sister:

Okay NOW can I stalk their instagrams???

Let’s have a moment of silence to mourn that this is the last episode

This recap is depressing the shit out of me, like thanks for the reminder but no thanks

Please tell me he is not playing video games

SENNE!

Wait, go back for a second!....the poster above the tv says “worry less, laugh more” and if that isn’t a fucking tagline for Robbe then idk what is

Exams? No, Senne, not exams

Senne just munching on some snacks while Robbe is having a crisis

It’s not your fault Robbe!

Senne give him some brotherly advice

Stop mentioning her name!

LOLLL Senne you fool

Listen to the man!

Senne dropping the knowledge on Robbe..i love it

Oh shit it’s Christmas! Definitely forgot about that

Stop fighting!!

Zoe wtf you doing?

That fucking ringtone again..

His phone is bigger than his head

YAY!! **raises arms to the sky to celebrate** (news about his mom)

Him smiling means I’m smiling

Wow way to be a Debby Downer Milan…

Okay, but Robbe...where is your man?

Oh the hospital! Is he visiting his mom or Sander??

FUCK. MY. LIFE! Not her

GONE? Gone where??

Idc if I’m a bitch, but I still don’t like her

Explain yourself to him! What did you mean??

Was that a drawing of Robbe???

LOL to Britt if that was Robbe

I mean I guess we can let you know..

It was him!! Damn he is good

Fucking hell the shaky breaths are back

So did Sander just like leave all his shit there?

Yes call him

Damn right there is! (”there is an us”)

Damn right you do! (”i love you”)

I want him to call ALL of us immediately...except Britt

Cool so still no Sander?

Waddup Jens!

Listen to Jens, don’t go down that road

Sander!

There is that chernobyl again

Good to know you’re safe, but he just wants to be with you

Yes, Robbe..Chernobyl- Wait, the school!!!!!

RUNNNNNNN!!

Why do I know this song?

Oh god there are flashbacks

Why do I recognize this song?

I knew it was the school

More flashbacks?? Lord help me

Sanderrrr where are you

Oh shit, go back that was so cool (the drawings turning into flashbacks)

So many memories!!!!

This is so cool

Where is-- FOUND HIM

**presses pause** I feel the need to take a moment because this is going to be an emotional scene…. **presse play**

He look so lost

No, don't go away!

Oh god he’s crying..help

PAUSE! ..are those drawings of Robbe above his desk?? **peers closely at the tv** oh god they are **presses play**

Shit! They are all over the room!!

Yes, stay!

Nope he will always be there

Ahhh no he will!

We were all worried

Oh god he is holding his--nope he is kissing his hand

Nooo you’re not toxic

Holy shit this is so good

We BOTH have never felt something like that (RIP to her bf again)

Oh boy he said I love you..i’m a mess

He will always say it!

Not in any universe

Oh shit the song is back...where is that from??  **informs her it is from the first kiss** Oh well way to fuck me up with the soundtrack

Oh a game!

Omg the minute by minute already?

Yes, let’s play that

Yes, very chill

His little smile 

This is so sweet

The song is back!

Oh nooooo! Oh god

I’m not okay...not at all

Omg I wasn’t ready for a break down...

I don’t even know where to begin...Sanderrrr

Honestly their acting in this is fucking amazing

OMG! Call back to their almost first kiss!!

Pause! I’m sorry but play that scene again…

**physically covers her mouth for the entire 2nd time watching it**

One more time and then I swear we can move on, I just feel like I missed things…

**third time through** all the pictures!!! This is so painful to watch, but also makes me so happy. I’m so torn...I’m happy Sander has Robbe because Robbe is so sweet...this is hard to watch...I’m emotional on so many levels please don’t judge me...this is so much harder to watch than Skam...I hate how sentimental I am being because it just reminds me of you and I hate it...don’t judge me….also these actors are so fucking good, and I know I’ve said that but it’s true

Before we move on and I don’t care that I’ve paused it and rewound it like a thousands times, you’re gonna listen to another rant. There is so much to say about that scene and I don’t know if i will ever be able to say it all or put it into words and like I said before I’m being overly emotionally about this so please don’t judge me. I know that this is so different form Skam because they combined two scenes and there was a lot more discussion, but I liked the changes because I felt like it fit these characters more. And I love that Robbe never tried to be like oh that’s silly don’t think that, he was just like yeah that shit might happen but I’m still gonna be here. And the call back to the almost kiss was perfect. The whole scene was amazing and well done. Idk, there is so much more to say but I’m just gonna shut up for now

Okay...we can move on now

Oh sweet lord I wasn’t ready...that is fucking adorable

Little spoon Robbe!

Is this a Grease song??

That is the most annoying alarm

Don’t worry Britt, he already has

This is sweetest scene and no one has talked

No! He would never leave you!

Lol to the universe again

Oh yeah...school..that’s a thing

Ofc he is coming back, you silly billy

Still weirded out by the fact that they have little windows on their doors

Does Robbe know what pants are? Like feel free to wear them

Oh mother fucker…

Please tell this isn’t happening

I didn’t go through an entire season of hell with you two to have it end like this

Oh sweet fucking lord..I hate it

CUT! Scene over! 

Noo!

Fuck my life…

Brother and sister right here..love it

Oh hey Moyo

I mean he’s had better days but thanks for asking

Only good advice you’ve ever given dude

You better be okay with it, but thanks for saying it

MAYBE? Maybe it seemed that way? Boy..

I mean I guess you can be broerrs, but you’ve got a lot of work to do my friend

Jens...what?? Check your eyesight

No he would NOT do you

Hahahhaha Jens is butthurt again

He’d choose dying

LOL at you Aaron

I mean, never say never Aaron

Robbe laughing? A rare sight and I love it

Are they out shopping together??

Oh right..it’s christmas time..

NO, let’s stay on topic Zoe

Robbe out here being the relationship expert now

Agree to disagree Zoe

Okay cool let’s not focus on his good traits…

Dude same (Zoe says she feels like shit)

Hahahahaha disaster gay again

Oh Robbe, thank god you brought Zoe

I love this friendship

Damnit right it didn’t feel right

It does indeed (robbe says shit with Sander sucks)

Hell yes it feels right between you two

Oh hey Noor! Legit forgot about you for awhile

Awkward..

I mean yeah..but who wouldn’t want you (robbe) around? Fools, that’s who

She’s pretty cool, I’ll give you that

He’s better than alright...he’s phenomenal

Oooh a party! Hope I’m invited 

Aww Milan and Sander bonding! Love that

Cozy indeed

Milan as a babysitter sounds like a terrible idea

Did he just call him an angel???

Once again Milan is me, I am Milan

They are so fucking cute...they deserve it

The virus??? Holy shit. They started the coronavirus! You bastards

**dances** party time!!

Interior designers over here

Milan you sneaky man you...NO PEEKING!

Jack Frost?!?! Hahahhahahaha OMG hahahaha

Aaron you weirdo wtf???

LOL at Sanders face!! Same, dude same

Also sidenote: him saying he is Robbe’s bf...makes me so fucking happy

Those smiles at each other..fucking adorable

Noor! You made it!

Presents for everyone!

Who is giving alcohol to the Hot Mess Express??

No idea what just happened but ROBBE IS SMILING

Back that shit up! **rewinds** They really looked at each other after Milan said that! (about a cute boy for a present)

Milan disappoint level 100

OMG Noor got Sander?? And a Bowie shirt? Fucking legend

LOL at the fact that Noor is in between Robbe and Sander

Cuddles! (robbe and Sander on the couch)

Luca she is never going to understand anything sex related..poor girl

Back up! **rewinds** Robbe out here spinning his man on the dance floor, so cute

Oh good Lord Aaron is going for it?

Aaron man, don’t fuck it up

I know I should focus on Aaron, but Sander in the background smiling has my attention and I don’t feel bad about that at all

Aaron, man the fuck up! 

There ya go buddy

She is one of kind that’s for sure…

I know I give Amber a lot of shit but you go girl!!

AHHHHH!!!

Shock level 1,000

LOL at everyone’s reaction

**dances** this is my jam!!

DANCE FOR ME, DANCE FOR ME!!

Robbe go and dance my dude

Wait I remember the vlogs..nvm don’t dance

Sander and laughing is a beautiful combo

Oooo I see you Noor and Moyo

He told his mom!

Oh shit Sander looks good in this scene

Oh you got jokes again Sander? 

Yes meet the parents!!

I hope we get to see it (LOL at Kennedy)

Yeah but you’re bringing the BEST boy home

Robbe’s got jokes now too

Sander’s philosophy around Robbe now: clothing optional

Aww they’re so happy and cute! 

That is very true Robbe

The looks between--- oh shit hey Hot Mess Express!

OMG! Robbe said fuck all y’all I’m gonna make out with my bf in front of you

The fact that everyone is cheering them on and Robbe is comfortable with doing that...I’m overwhelmed

WAIT! It’s over?!?!

Holy shit I wasn’t ready…

I have so many thoughts on this season...it was so fucking good. Willem fucking killed it and whoever played Sander (informs her of his name) they are both Willem?! Wtf that’s confusing...anyways they both fucking killed it!! Robbe from episode 1 to now...I’m so proud...I have more thoughts so listen up

**goes on a rant for 10+ more minutes** I am definitely rewatching this season next week because I felt like i missed a lot and I want to focus on the small things

[adventuresofmonique]

How I learnt to form boundaries.

God says in Proverbs 4:24; “Protect your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life”. 

I’ve had my fair share of toxic relationships and some of my friends always remind me of this verse. Some relationships constantly made me  think I was the issue and this lead to some serious mental health triggers.  

After many failed relationships, I am finally happy to be single and just be free. To have a strong relationship with God and the biggest gift I think God is trying to teach me now is boundaries.

Ironically, the firmer the boundaries, the more flexible and generous we can be. 

My first every relationship I had was full of trust and the fulfilment of a void inside of me that someone actually liked me. My first boyfriend, I trusted so much but little did I know that he cheated on me repetitively. I was so innocent, so blindsided for the fact I trusted him so much, I didn’t need to look through his phone.  Until one day at university, I was getting some lunch and wondering why he never messaged me for nearly an entire day, I was cool with it though - he could just be busy.  Then the heart-dropping text of one sentence, that made me feel my heart drop to the ground and just shatter. “It’s not going to work out, we need to break up”. No reasoning, just a random break up.  It wasn’t until later I found out about the dating applications, texts etc.  I was hurt.

Fast forward to today.  Many failed relationships later and I can’t trust any guy, I also think I am not good enough for anyone, who would want to be with me? 

I once had a friend in high school who said I would never get a boyfriend, because who could possibly love me (Certainly, wasn’t a friend). But, the opinion of this one person, has followed me since I was 17. The demon of “You’re not good enough”, “you’re not pretty enough”, ‘You’re boring” etc. It took a toll and what was my way of dealing with it?  

The most UNHEALTHIEST way ever!!   I would start up relationships when I wasn’t ready and then end up breaking up over silly, small things or beat them to the chase and break up with them before they had the chance to even try to bruise my heart. I would nit pick the things I didn’t like and blow it up in my head and just leave.  But, hurt people, hurt people. I was hurting people left, right and centre and it was toxic trait of mine.  However, this lead me to relationships that were so toxic, it damaged me. I was in relationships where what I thought was normal, when it really wasn’t. I didn’t realize this until one friend said - “this isn’t normal”. I had one ex-boyfriend hide my keys and wouldn’t let me go, punch holes in the wall when he didn’t get his way. I would get told “Apologise to me for being ugly”, “You’re nothing but a whore”, “You belong on the streets” and it went on for about 5 years I dealt with this.

UNTIL, I found God again. They say he left the 99 to find the 1 and the night I was going to end it all, he showed up and saved me. I felt like the was the 1 he found in the middle of all this mess, he picked me up. (That story is for another time). But, it lead me to escaping toxic relationships and lead me to seek help, to become healed and identify a toxic relationship before even getting into one again.  

Through all of this i learnt, when you don’t establish boundaries, toxic people will continue to push. You can’t just assume that they will think and love like you do and will stop when they have pushed too far. With these types, they will never draw a line to protect/respect you -- YOU MUST draw and YOU MUST  enforce these yourself. 

Establishing boundaries isn’t just second nature and it isn’t always easy. If you are doing certain things that ‘people please’ your friends, parents, partner, colleagues or even your own boss, sorry to be so blunt but then your boundaries are weak as anything. 

I once had a friend who had literally had everything in her car. Her boot was like Mary Poppins bag, you just stick your hand in and you come out with whatever you need.  She did this because if something came up that someone needed, she had it. She even admitted to me one day that she hated carrying her Mary Poppins bag around in her boot but she felt as if she was expected to have something when someone needed it. 

Having a ‘Mary Poppins’ bag/life for the world, putting up with cheating, abuse, bullying, disrespect or going out to a lunch when you would rather not is perhaps not a huge deal at the moment, but overtime the erosion of personal boundaries has various number of effects.

When you say ‘yes’ to things that you don’t want to do, you increase your risk of growing more exhausted and resentful -- this will end up taking a toll on your mental health and then that’s when the enemy comes to steal your happiness. PROTECT YOUR HEART!

If you go into a relationship trying to fit in with society or please everyone, you’re going to loose even more. Caving into marriage or relationships because you feel behind or you’re getting old tends to be the zero-sum game. In order to assert your needs you needs, it will be expected to come across anger or even disappointment of how situations turned out or even your ex at times. No matter how amicable the situation -- that’s okay. 

They are you ex, their happiness is not your problem. 

This saying above, we have all heard so much - no doubt. But, apply this saying to your friends and family too. Some want you to reconcile and others want you to bury this dude 10 feet deep. However, this is your break up/divorce/loss of friendship not theirs. If they are helping you and making you feel better -- GREAT! If not, distance yourself a little -- get help and move forward. It doesn’t end here. Trust me, I’ve had friends that never helped, but i prayed to God for friends that are real and that’s what he gave me. REAL and Authentic friends - that tell you how it is but will never not help you. My God is so good all the time and all the time God is good. 

I like to call it ‘Pruning’, Gods going to remove some people out of your life and it’s going to hurt and be a little rough, but it’s okay to put yourself first. 

Will some people get mad? yep.  Will some people just leave you high and try? also yes. Were they real friends though? no. 

Some people will hate your boundaries. You not having boundaries have probably served some of your ‘friends’ well, they will be irritated that you no longer bought your ‘Mary Poppins’ bag for whatever they needed. Again, not your problem. And if they withdraw from your life the moment you stop allowing them from using you, do you then really care?  I found out I was way better off. 

So, I had two options. I could keep living my life for other people and on a one way street. Or I could live life on my own terms. This was a big battle, but i started to live life on my own terms and when I made this decision, God set me free.  The bars of the prison were open. I was free. 

I don’t know if you heard of Maya Angelo (Look her up, I love her). But, she said: “you teach people how to treat you, and I prefer they treat you really well”. 

I actually recently read this book called “The Art of extreme self-care” by Cheryl Richardson (link at the bottom of this blog).  She, basically goes through exercises she went through to help her break the chain of her people-pleasing habits. She decided for 30 days, she was going to disappoint one person a day and this would help her enforce her boundaries. Although, she says that this massively increased her anxiety, she goes on to tell that she learnt to stop caring about what other people think and to start caring about what she thought about herself. It’s really helpful actually, I’ve picked up a few lessons myself. I honestly, recommend this read. 

I’ve tired this a few ways myself. Examples are when asking if I would like to donate some money towards a charity at the check out you can simply say “no, thanks”, without explaining why without explaining how you normally give heaps to charity already. 

Just    let     go. 

Doing little things like this, I have started to notice my boundaries are slowly expanding. I said no to certain gatherings without having mad anxiety about it for about two days Change it up though, even with some of my good friends - when they ask if I want to go out for lunch and I know I don’t feel the best anxiety wise, I say ‘no’. 

Slowly, God starts to reveal to you that the people who actually love you, love you no matter what, They understand.  Their love is not conditional on me always saying ‘yes’. 

I am still fairly new to practicing boundaries and sometimes I find it is easy to miss the mark by being too forceful.  I relate back to Proverbs 4:24 when starting a chinwag and being friendly etc. Usually, when I do this, it is generally enough. But, when I deal with bullies, disrespect, that can trigger my past and lead to anxiety I have a shield and this shield protects my heart and this shield maybe praying to God and leaving it at the cross (Which I normally always do), asking God to bless them, open to forgiveness and then there’s also these -- warnings, blocking texts or people, walking away -- this demonstrates that I plan to enforce my boundaries - to protect my heart because what comes into my heart also comes out. 

Lately, when I make mistakes, doing uni assignments and learning a new skill (at the moment I am learning guitar lessons -- music has it’s way of helping me defuse my anxiety) I try and not fault myself for missing the mark where I wanted to be at and i learnt by establishing my boundaries, this comes to no difference, 

I make mistakes all the time, I’m human. I come to realise that it’s okay to make mistakes and i practice self-compassion. I let people who support me know that I am trying a new thing. They know I am working on my boundaries and that if I overshoot the mark, I know they tell me with love. 

What I wrote has helped me and I hope what I’ve expressed can also encourage and help you. 

Praying for you always, 

Love mo. x

BOOK: https://www.booktopia.com.au/the-art-of-extreme-self-care-cheryl-richardson/book/9781401952488.html?source=pla&gclid=CjwKCAiA4rGCBhAQEiwAelVti9rw-Kp4XvZINbu3G4lNJeqtVE_zDUxkHmZfc8d3AuQfPUHjblwDfBoCWfEQAvD_BwE

[gillzilla]

A Treatise on the aTROSity, Including How Hope Came to Me in the Form of The Lego Movie 2, Knives Out, and Little Women

I will start out by saying that I have never made a real, detailed post on Tumblr, mainly because social media kind of scares me. But the Reylo community's amazing kindness, strength, openness, and willingness to speak the truth in their writing over the last week and a half is honestly what has gotten me through the heartbreak and depression caused by the stabbing in the chest that was this movie. I am one of the people who loves Kylo/Ben Solo because I have mental health conditions and an abuse/trauma history within my family, which is also why the holidays are hard for me, so a big thanks to the people in charge of the story for TROS for making it even harder this year. After a week and a half of legitimate mourning for the butchering of the themes of Star Wars and of all the characters, but particularly the sequel trilogy characters, I am ready to add my two cents to all that has already been written about this movie.

First off, I have not been a Star Wars fan for my whole life. My parents tried to introduce me to the original trilogy as a kid by taking me to see A New Hope in the movie theater for the 20th anniversary screening in 1997. I fell asleep for most of it and was terrified by the trash compactor scene, so you could say the movie did not resonate with me. It actually wasn't until Phantom Menace came out that I started to get attached to Star Wars. So many older fans love to shit on that movie, and it certainly has many flaws, but a lot of us who were around the same age as Anakin when that movie came out and are now adults have started to speak up about how the movie was a gateway into Star Wars for us. Anakin gave me a window into the Star Wars universe that I could understand and relate to. I could relate to Anakin being a kind-hearted kid who wanted to help others and just wanted adults he could look up to, and I liked the podracing scenes. As with every single other sci-fi/fantasy hero's journey story that I loved as a kid, I empathized with and related to a male hero. Now, the wooden dialogue/acting/directing of Attack of the Clones and the tragic ending of Revenge of the Sith that left me so emotionally devastated that I vividly remember calling my friend to tell her I was so depressed I couldn't focus on studying for my eighth grade English final, kind of took me out of Star Wars again. There had been a spark there, but at that point I figured, eh, I guess it's not really for me after all.

I didn't rediscover Star Wars until the end of the first semester of my freshman year of college. This was a very difficult time in my life, as I was in what I would now consider to be a mental health crisis that unfortunately lasted for five years because I was too ashamed and uneducated about mental health to seek out help. I was very, very lonely during that time. It was close to finals week and I was sick, so as I sat in my dorm room I decided, why not pop in those DVDs of the original trilogy that I got at Costco last month. After watching them, I remember thinking, "Why have I not been watching these my whole life???" The original trilogy hooked me after that point and I started watching the movies every year around Christmas in commemoration of my rediscovery of them.

I was just as surprised as anyone when I found out that Disney bought Lucasfilm and that they were going to make a sequel trilogy. I had thought there would never be any more Star Wars, so I was overjoyed, though tentative, because I knew that though I loved Star Wars, it also had a tendency to make missteps that were somewhat endemic to sci-fi/fantasy hero's journey stories, such as poorly written dialogue, emphasis on ridiculous plot points that took away from the deeper overall themes, lack of diverse characters, and objectification/misogyny against female characters (I do not like watching Return of the Jedi because I hate, HATE the Jabba's palace stuff for what they did to Leia, honestly they gave Leia nothing interesting to do in that whole movie basically, but that's a whole nother essay).

So I went into The Force Awakens not really knowing what to expect. But oh my god, was I blown away. I am not lying when I say that I cried for at least an hour after the scene where Rey and Kylo are both reaching out for the legacy saber and it goes to Rey as the music swells, oh my god. I FINALLY realized what it meant to feel seen in the stories that I loved. My whole life I had been attached to and empathizing with male heroes, because they were pretty much the only heroes out there. To see Rey as this amazing female heroine who was not objectified and was a compelling character with an intriguing backstory that I related to as a child with a trauma history who often grew up feeling lonely, and to see that she was going to be the main Jedi in this new trilogy, I was overjoyed. It gave me hope. And then, on top of that, we got Adam Driver. Need I say any more. So many people have written about what an absolutely incredible actor Adam is, and I swear he is the only actor who could have pulled off the role of Kylo/Ben. The first time I saw TFA I didn't catch all the nuances of the character and his dynamic with Rey, but something about him really intrigued me (and made me want to watch everything Adam had ever been in). My love for TFA led me to start investing time in the online Star Wars fandom, which I never considered myself to be a part of previously, as the fandom had always reeked of being a "no girls allowed" type of zone. I found out about amazing, female-led podcasts that I started listening to every week and whose hosts I value just as much as my friends. I also started following the Reylo fandom on Tumblr. Learning more about the mythology behind the sequel trilogy, including how the creators were writing Rey's story as a heroine's journey and her and Kylo/Ben as dual protagonists, added so much to my understanding of what was going on in the storytelling and gave me the words to describe why I was connecting with these stories so much. I can honestly say that Star Wars and the Reylo fandom generally have been instrumental in helping me to get through the last four years, which have been a very difficult and isolating period in my life.

And now I'm up to TROS. As so many have said, the vast majority of it is a steaming pile of trash. People have done such an amazing job of breaking down why this story and how it treated its characters and retconned the beautiful story and themes that Rian gave us in TLJ was so painful for us. Many have pointed out that this movie is a result of catering to the most toxic portion of the Star Wars fandom, the "dudebros." Going further, I want to state that, whether consciously or not on the part of the cis, straight, white, male writers/director/CEO of Disney, this movie is a reassertion of masculinist ideologies. I want to clarify that when I talk about "masculinist" vs. feminist ideologies, I am talking about how our society and culture defines "masculine" vs. "feminine" ideas, traits, etc. Gender has nothing to with biological determinism and is socially and culturally constructed. Masculinist ideologies include beliefs such as extreme individualism, competition, "us vs. them" dichotomies, and power and value being defined based on hierarchy, which necessitates the use of violence to perpetuate the hierarchy. Feminist ideologies include valuing community and collaboration, connection and empathy, the idea that every person has inherent worth regardless of their productivity, actions, mistakes, class, race, sexuality, etc., respect for all people, and an abolishing of hierarchies. Masculinist ideologies are those of the white supremacist hetero-patriarchy, which, as we can see playing out in various ways all over the world, has been rearing its head in a very obvious and ugly fashion the past few years (though of course it has been around for wayyyyy longer than that).

Anyone who has been reading the fantastic analyses of TROS by those in the Reylo community can likely see how TLJ and even the story as it was set up in TFA were communicating feminist ideologies. One big example of this is Kylo Ren/Ben himself as a character. As so many have eloquently described, this is a complex character that commits atrocities, but is shown to be a victim of immense abuse and trauma that was failed by everyone in his family when he needed them most. This is a character that, had he been able to have the full and well-written redemption arc that he deserved, would have had an extremely moving story of how toxic masculinity and masculinist ideology is destroying boys and men by keeping them from being full people who can express all of their emotions, be vulnerable, and be open to love and connection. Reylo resonates so much with me not because it is about Rey supposedly doing all the work to change Kylo in some sort of toxic, co-dependent way, but because Rey and Kylo/Ben were always equals to each other. They both pushed each other to be better, more whole people. The wonderful work that folks have put into analyzing the mythology behind the feminine and masculine symbolism in TFA and TLJ (again, to clarify, "masculine" and "feminine" being culturally defined terms), and even the more obvious original goal of the sequel trilogy for the force to finally be balanced by Rey and Ben themselves becoming balanced between dark and light all relate to these gender issues. Balancing the dark and light sides of the force is also about balancing the "masculine" and "feminine" aspects within themselves.

This is a beautiful message that has so many real world implications. In our world, for lack of a better term, everything "feminine" is basically shat on. Patriarchy hates anything "feminine." This is how sexism plays out, but it also has to do with the ideologies that we believe in, down to our basic understandings of empathy and whether or not people have inherent value. The world would certainly be a better place if the "masculine" and "feminine" were better balanced, specifically if "feminine," and feminist, ideologies were more valued. This is what makes TROS feel like a stab directly in the heart. This was a trilogy that clearly did have feminist messages, regardless of DLF's bullshitting about Star Wars being "for everyone." Star Wars has always been progressive, the original trilogy is about rebels taking on fascists for god's sake. DLF's pandering to the most toxic part of the fandom for TROS is therefore representative of a much larger cultural, social, and political battle that is going on around the world right now. We are at a turning point for humanity in which we are starting to face the devastation that has occurred due to masculinist ideologies being the most highly regarded and utilized by those in power, but those in power are also trying to maintain their power by strongly reasserting those ideologies. So I would argue that this is not just about one movie that I and many other people didn't like. This movie is a small representation of a much larger battle that we're fighting.

Now, that reassertion of masculinist ideology that was the stabbing in the heart of watching TROS has made me super, duper depressed for the past week or so because, as others have pointed out, it communicated to me that no matter how hard we fight, the white supremacist hetero-patriarchy will reassert itself and win in the end. It even re-triggered the pain I've felt over the past few years since our current president came into office in the U.S. However, as I near the end of this long treatise I would like to share the stories that gave me hope over these past few days. I re-watched The Lego Movie 2 the other day, and that story gave me hope. The "bad guy" in that story is a literal embodiment of toxic masculinity/masculinist ideology, and it ends with the male hero realizing that he doesn't need to sacrifice his humanity and connections to other people to be a hero, or even just to be a man. How to Train Your Dragon 3 also told a story about a male hero/leader that rejects masculinist ideology. Additionally, I was given hope by Rian's amazing movie, Knives Out, which I went to see solely because people on Tumblr recommended it (thank you folks!). Rian had a clear theme and vision for this story that was about exposing and dissecting what I would call "toxic whiteness," and what it does to a family and those around them. And lastly, I saw Greta Gerwig's incredible adaptation of Little Women today, and that gave me hope because one of its main themes is about the struggle that (cis, heterosexual) women have in asserting themselves as full humans with talents, dreams and goals for their lives outside of being in romantic relationships, but also wanting to have romantic relationships at the same time. As has been said by so many, "STRONG" WOMEN CAN FALL IN LOVE AND HAVE ROMANTIC/SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Feminism is about giving all people the chance to be fully human, and for heterosexual women that includes being able to have a relationship with a man and still be valued and respected for everything that we are outside of that relationship. The above mentioned stories, and others (She-Ra, Dragon Prince, AtLA & Legend of Korra, I'm sure there are others) give me hope that there are creators out there that are communicating feminist themes, even in big-budget movies that lots of people go to see. We need more of this. Tied to this is that THE HEROINE'S JOURNEY OF THE SEQUEL TRILOGY SHOULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN/DIRECTED BY A WOMAN/WOMEN. Folks, we need the opportunities to tell our own stories. All of the diverse folks out there, if you are a creator, please keep on creating! We need you out there and we value all of the beautiful, integral work that you do!

So in sum, I'm not going to let what happened with TROS ruin my love of Star Wars or of the sequel trilogy. The story belongs to the fans now, and there are so many of us out there to care for it. You better be sure that I will never stop speaking up about how wronged we were by TROS, that is the hill I will die on. But I am not giving up hope and I hope that you will also join me in not giving up hope. As Poe stated so well in TLJ (with one minor adjustment), "We are the spark that will light the fire that will burn the [patriarchy] down." End of treatise.

[skeletorific]

Underfell and Swapfell Meta (aka the longest fucking post)

*You hear a distant sound of knuckles cracking. There is a shuffle, like someone sitting down and then a sound of rapid typing.

Let’s begin.

So. To start broadly:

What does it mean to “Fell” a timeline?

The original Underfell began as a simple concept: an alternative universe where “kill or be killed” was not simply Flowey’s bleak outlook, but the law of the land.

What I’m interested in dissecting here is how that law is enforced in both Fell and Swapfell, and how the societies these different enforcements styles influence the characters that populate it.

I’m going to start off with a similar origin story for the “kill or be killed” law, referring to characters by their roles rather than their names to avoid Asgore/Toriel, Frisk/Chara, etc confusion.

Essentially, both Fell and Swapfell already had worlds that were naturally more inclined to certain levels of brutality and violence, but these took a decided turn for the worst when the First Human and the Royal Heir made an attempt to break the barrier and were slaughtered by the humans living at the foot of Ebott. In a fit of grief and anger the Ruler Goat declared not only all-out war on humanity, but that until they were free of the barrier, the weak would be winnowed out of their society to ensure that when they Barrier collapsed humanity would be facing the strongest fighting force monsterkind could muster. This is the world that the Pacifist Child will eventually fall into.

This is where the timelines diverge.

I’ll start with Fell, for.....

reasons.

Asgore, regardless of universe, is inclined to make impulsive decisions, especially when under emotional duress. His Fell counterpart is no different in this. In his grief and anger he enacted the harshest forms of martial law, promising to his subjects that unless they were prepared to fight for their lives, they would not be allowed to keep them. Monsters as a society have a strong sense of communal emotion. They felt his anger as their own, and in the end, enough of them were incensed enough against humans that they were ready to follow his lead even down this darkest of paths. The few dissenting voices were soon too busy fighting off the others to rebel, and eventually were either wiped out or had adjusted to the new world order.

The first few years were pure anarchy. Monsters barely stirred outside their door, expecting to be preyed upon at any moment. Certain, more friendly and trusting subsets of monsters, like Whimsuns and Vulkins, were completely wiped out. Others, like Tems and Froggits, had their numbers severely reduced and were forced to become far more brutal. It was during this period that Toriel decided she had had enough and left for the Ruins. At first, she tried to create a safe space for monsters to retreat to, but the violence found its way into the Ruins until she eventually sealed herself off. She is disillusioned and cold, and can in fact be one of the most frightening characters in the Underground if you get on her bad side.

The anarchy wasn’t sustainable. Even if you are the biggest and the strongest monster in the area, you eventually get tired of looking over your shoulder for attackers hoping to get lucky. Anarchy transformed into Kratocracy, rule of the strong.  Eventual pockets of relative order started to form around the Underground. As mentioned, Toriel held sway over the Ruins, and though she cared little what her subjects did amongst themselves, she made certain she and any of her children would be able to walk freely.

In Snowdin, Grillby was the major power player. His bar was a strictly no-weapons zone: customers feeling unsafe was bad for business. The fireman became landlord/ defacto mayor (of sorts) over the area. He was strong enough to protect clients that paid his rent (excessive though it was), and eventually, troublemakers were either killed off or contented themselves with picking off the occasional straggler in the forest. Disappearances are not looked into but a tenuous order is kept. When the skeleton brothers moved in for a while it looked like there might be a bit of turf war between Edge and Fellby. However, Red saw to it that an uneasy truce was negotiated between them. Red ensures the Grillby’s shadier activities are ignored while Edge uses his influence over the local chapter of the Royal Guard to punish troublemakers.

Despite housing the Captain of the Royal Guard, Waterfall is a pretty much the Wild West. Tem Village and Gerson’s shop are perhaps the only areas where you can afford to sleep for a few minutes and even then its like as not your wallet will be taken in the process. Undyne has too much on her plate to be concerned with being on the clock at her own house. The area is home to some of the Underground’s most brutal and aggressive monsters, as well as a hilariously out of place snail ranch, run by the one being in the Underground who literally cannot be killed. Napstablook is not a good-tempered ghost, however, and lingering near his farm is not recommended.

The Lab is Alphys’ small kingdom, and in addition to the Amalgamates that serve as her guard dogs (brutal and twisted reminders of what she can do to monsters that cross her), she also has the Captain of the Royal Guard on a hook, and Undyne will send extra protection to her for whatever reason.

Hotland is deceptively peaceful. Muffet and Mettaton duke it out in a resource batter but open warfare is ultimately detrimental to both of them. It scares off the customers. Don’t let your guard down, though. This town is not a fist to a face, but a knife in the back. Not to mention the graphic stories of what Muffet will do to you if you don’t have money for safe passage.

The road to New Home is....surprisingly unguarded. Perhaps a silent challenge from Asgore to test his mettle. Or maybe the rumors are true. The king regrets his decision and silently prays he’ll be deposed. Angry and embittered by his countless losses, and remorseful for what he’s done to the world he once swore to protect.

Ultimately Underfell is not a society with any kind of consistent ruling class. The citizens of Snowdin are more beholden to Grillby and the brothers than whatever the royals are saying. All you need to gain and keep power is to be both strong and wary. There will always be challengers,  but the battle is in many ways honest. Schemers are few and far between.

The Underground also places a supreme amount of emphasis on the militarization of its citizens. Though the purpose has been muddied there is still a strong belief that the reason they are still doing this is to make sure humans will be facing off against the strongest fighting force imaginable. Strength, however toxic, is valuable. Brawn is also prized over brain. While a certain amount of cunning is always welcome academic types are regarded as highly suspect. Its hard to communicate to people perpetually in danger of being killed off that yes, your equations are definitely helping. Alphys’ predecessor was thrown into his own Core for not producing results in a timely manner, and she is forever paranoid of meeting the same fate. This is also why Red is even more reticent than his Tale counterpart about his background as a scientist. Ultimately its safer for him to be perceived as a thug than an engineer.

However, the primary theme of Undertale rings true through all the AUs.  There is something at the core of these people that is good. Though they can be lead by bullies and tyrants, they have a lot of respect for courage and determination. This is how a Pacifist Human can win them over. The willingness to continue to overcome obstacles while sticking to your principles is a rare trait, but one that they find fundamentally compelling. Everyone is beginning to grow weary of the war, of the loss. Suddenly the possibility of laying down their swords doesn’t seem nearly as distasteful as it once might have.

Swapfell is a very different story.

Now, buckle up kids, Toriel dissertation time.

The canon on Toriel is very....nebulous at best. Honestly this probably stems in part from the fact that most aus are built from a single character up, and this character is more often than not a Sans or a Papyrus. Its also probably a result of Toriel not being a particularly popular character for lengthy character dissertations and examination in the way Alphys or Papyrus is. Most people tend to leave it at goat mom, so the shuffle of Toriel through aus tends to be very.....flexible.

This isn’t to shit on any particular version of Toriel. We’re all making this shit up as we go along with aus and people are free to like what they like and make what they make. However, for me, what I prefer to do with aus is boil an Undertale character down to an essential flaw and an essential strength and try to preserve that across aus. For Sans, its resignation and perceptiveness. For Papyrus, its lack of self confidence and loyalty.

For Toriel, the two things I tend to preserve for her is this. Her essential flaw is stubborness, especially as relates to her stringent ethics. What she prioritizes may shift a bit. I think the Swap generally leads her to prioritize the freedom of her people over the lives of individual humans. But what is unchanging is her unwavering dedication to them. Regardless of who she has to cut out of her life, she will dedicate her all to those ethics. And her greatest strength is her maternal nature: she has a strong desire to bring out the best in people she cares about, and will tend to nurture them whether they like it or not.

Now, a Fell version would twist this a bit. No matter how I looked at it I couldn’t see any version of Toriel making the impulse choice to enact kill or be killed. No matter how brutal the world that’s quite a leap to make, and I never see Toriel as a person inclined to rashness.

So rather than a royal edict, I believe kill or be killed was less the law of the land, and more an ethos that slipped in. Swapfell Toriel is a gifted manipulator. Her maternal nature and her known attachments to everyone Underground meant she would be trusted. So when she began her work, it never occurred to anyone to distrust her.

Toriel’s resentment didn’t only fester towards humankind (though that certainly was a part of it). In a way she came to resent the world around her. How they were all chasing a dream that many of them would likely never see the end of. They grew and overtime came to forget her children as they looked towards the stars and prayed to be rejoined to them. As much as she wished the children had never gone, at least they had gotten up to do something. At least they had acted. Would any of these monsters have the courage to?

So Toriel did what any good mother would do when she saw her child sitting listless. She gave them a little push.

Rivalries were exacerbated by her playing back and forth between them. She encouraged Gaster, then Alphys to employ harsher tactics on lower criminals, arguing that consistent parasites would hurt the Underground more and more in the long run. At the same time, she pulled them back from larger conspiracies unless it was too big to ignore, creating an environment that proliferated backstabbing and theft. Her favor was never guaranteed with any of them, and she changed her minds on decisions that her courtiers feared that her mind had been taken in her grief, which earned her the moniker “The Mad Queen”. If she’s crazy, though, its like a fox.

Kill or be killed did become the law of the land, in practice if not indeed. The understanding was that anything goes, as long as you’re not stupid enough to caught. However, rather than kratocracy (rule of the strong), swapfell is more oligarchy (rule of a few). Those who already had previous access to resources and enough ruthlessness to survive quickly rose to the top.

Grillby and Napstaton continually battle for supremacy over Hotland and are the primary resource providers for the entire region. Their employees have the highest mortality rate of the entire Underground, but the pay is also unspeakably good. And given that both of them charge heavy protection fees to anyone unlucky enough to live in that area, many are willing to weather the risks.

Undyne runs her own roost in the lab but it largely content to remain unbothered by the outside world. There are rumors of her kidnapping monsters that get too close and....modifying them, but she’d argue that she’s doing them a favor by making them stronger.

Alphys’ extreme anxiety is more understandable than ever. Her job as Captain of the Royal Guard has rapidly transformed from keeper of justice to keeper of power. She has to keep those in Toriel’s favor happy, even if they’re intentions are unjust. This has lowered popular opinion of her quite a bit, and many regard her as merely a lapdog with a hammer. It gnaws at her, as she still has a profound loyalty to her people, and when she can she’ll often try to get around her orders, but in general she tends to lock herself away to hide from the shame.

Muffet is not quite the powerhouse in Snowdin as Fellby is in his version, given that she prefers to keep to herself. Still, her bar is a well known front for most of the dirty deeds done in the region. She’ll keep your secrets, for a price, and has her fingers in the pies of pretty much everything going on Underground. She’s not as cold-blooded as she’d like to appear. Ultimately if you’re down on your luck she simply sends you on your way and doesn’t bother with you. But never, EVER, cut her out of a deal. Her pet is a hungry beast.

The bros I’ve gone into lengthy detail elsewhere, so I won’t deal with it much here, but they work in alliance with Muffet and try to keep their fingers on the pulse of the town.

Asgore left Toriel once he began to understand that her newfound hobby of pitting their people against each other wasn’t going to change. He had no larger goal in mind. His mind and heart were tired, and he simply wanted to spend his days in peace, nurturing his flowers and speaking to no one as he lived with his grief. However, the monsters of the Ruins have grown wicked with their years of isolation, and he is forced to resort to brutal techniques to stay alive. His trident is never far from him, and as we all know, daffodils can be highly toxic when pushed down one’s throat. Always keep an eye on his tea.

The Swapfell monsters are hands down the hardest to redeem out of the main four aus, but like Fell they have their softer points. In a world predicated on relationships most of them are naturally inclined to quite a bit of loyalty. Friendship is a risky business, but almost all of them have a person they would sacrifice anything for without question. For the bros its each other. For Alphys, Undyne. For Grillby, Fuku. You see how it goes. Getting in good with one will ensure that the other is more likely to go easier on you. They also have an inherent respect for craftiness. Where Underfell monsters will mock and despise you for dodging attacks and running away, Swapfell monsters have an appreciation for a tactical retreat and may even praise you for avoiding getting a scratch on you the entire battle. Ultimately, they’re all tired of this long dark period, and would welcome the opportunity for peace, for no longer looking over their shoulder. The Human only has to convince them to admit that to themselves.

[metamorpheus-blog1]

c h a r a c t e r + q u e s t i o n n a i r e

[ tw for: drug/alcohol use, death, mental illness ] 

Holy shit, why the fuck is this so long

BASICS

Full name: Marcus Christopher Russo

Any nicknames?: Morpheus, Mark, Marky, Russ, plus a slew of unflattering nicknames from old Army buddies that belong solely to that group of people. 

Age: 35 

Birthday/Zodiac sign: May 9th, 1982 // Taurus. Marcus has a majority of the typical Taurus traits: practical, dependable, down to earth. Regardless of his line of work, this isn’t a guy with a hair-trigger temper or the type to get his rocks off on on the violence in what he does, though he does have a very grim self awareness of just what kind of person he has to be to excel without apology at this job. That sense of strong commitment that keeps him nailed down to assignments with single-minded dedication tends to be a double-edged sword in the way it can overwhelm pretty much everything else and push it to the side in favor of finishing the task at hand. He’s the type that really needs and values internal stability in himself and others, which is BIG when it comes to why his lack of it is so self destructive. 

Height: 5′10. Taller guys, don’t talk shit.

Any tattoos, piercings?: 15 y/o Marcus had a bathroom + sewing needle variety of piercing in his left ear that has long since closed up and been forgotten. Cocky young recruit Marcus got the ‘onward to victory’ printed in neat stacked black script on his ribcage, right side, that he shares with three other recruits from his hometown (this phrase picked from several equally dramatic Big Damn Hero quotes they threw around, all freshly eighteen and very full of aspirations of being badasses), and under that, in ascending levels of freshness, are the month/year arrival and return dates for his three deployments. Deployment #1 has one small dot beside it, #3 has two, tallying those in his squadron ‘fallen in line of duty’, as much as he hates that term. There’s no ‘falling’ involved in an IED on the side of the road blasting you straight to hell but - ! Marcus’ bitterness internalized again, we move on to, of course, this classic number on his left forearm. 

FAVORITES

Sound: He likes NYC’s urban flavor of white noise. Anything repetitive without harshness to it: wind chimes, a clock ticking, steady rain. Back when he used to live on the coast in South Carolina, Marcus went in for all those soothing beach sounds, but the bustle on the city streets has its own charm against waves and seagulls. 

Color: Marcus lives in washed out colors, closer to neutrals, with a side of beige and olive green. Even his black is a little less harsh, like a t shirt that’s still being worn years after it’s faded and started collecting holes. His mind is all vibrant orange though, that Mad Max sandstorm orange, Norah’s orange when he thinks of her every time he peels a tangerine, that kind of desert orange that’s still stuck on him after all these years -- even if in the scope of his service, six years in the real world isn’t very long at all. 

Person: He won’t forgive himself if he says Artemis. That’s too much responsibility to put on her shoulders. So maybe not favorite, but most important? That’s pretty hefty too. Whatever it is, Sunny’s calming influence on this guy can’t be overstated. 

Memory: BCT, or basic training. Now listen, a lot of basic is really really shitty. Shitty food, shitty schedule, shitty exercise, the same shitty drills over and over and over every day. You get tear gassed in basic training. You sweat harder than you’ve ever sweat in your life and you go to bed at night absolutely exhausted. But BCT was the first time Marcus actually saw his future falling into place in a way he could be proud of, when he started to figure out his strengths and advance, and where he found people he could relate to and build friendships with. Really, with that in mind, he’d happily take the shitty food again. 

Place: Lmfao his apartment, messy as he and it are on the inside. Always good to have a good secure place to come back to. Weirdly enough though, he is also pretty comfortable with/fond of the Westside Dock, just because of the sheer amount of time he spends camped out there supervising deals from a distance just in case anything goes wrong. Zeus would’ve kept him parked plenty busy on his main trade, but Hades spreads Marcus over more varied tasks, which is what’s led to his familiarity with every boat, rooftop, and shipping container in that yard. He used to frequent the Warehouse with weekly regularity for the good live music, but understandably some work disagreements have rendered that a no-go zone.

Vice: He’s got the holy trio of Drugs, Booze, and Cigarettes going on, but in light of Madi’s favorite vice mini-meme I’m going to go with his complete lack of any sort of positive coping mechanisms or drive to start trying to develop them. Marcus’ constant self-reassurance is ‘it could be so much worse stop being a whiny bitch’, even the very middle of a panic attack, so shout out to that toxic suck-it-up type of masculinity the Army cultivates along with an unhealthy dose of ‘mental illness isn’t that extreme’ mentality. Keep tellin yourself that, bud.

HAVE THEY EVER…

Been in love?: Yes, in both the high school puppy variety and his one experience in slow-burning, real n’ deep adult love. 

Done drugs?: Oh yeah, and a pretty big variety. Marcus’ hard limit is anything requiring a needle, he knows just how easy it is to fall headlong into addiction with something that potent. Most of his heaviest various drug use was high school and right after his discharge, but he’s settled into a routine of pot whenever the opportunity shows itself and the rare bump of cocaine when he really really needs it. The latter tends to allow him to get what he needs done done, but it understandably sends his mental state straight to shit in the fallout, not to mention it’s an expensive for a picker-upper.  Cocaine is down as something that happens a handful of times a year, maybe. Doing a line is, in his mind, a lot less extreme than shooting something up straight to your veins. Marky’s pretty willfully blind to the fact that something you snort can be just as addictive as something you inject. 

Killed someone?: 

Marcus isn’t really keeping track of that number anymore. There’s a lot of the emotional part of his psyche that gets turned off for this process -- it’s not a person, it’s not murder, it’s a mission, you get it done clean and fast and you get out. Never think of a mark as an individual, complex human being. You’re screwed the second you do.

Betrayed someone’s trust?: Not on the scale of large deceptions. Eurydice might just count, positive and unsuspecting enough as their interactions were before Cronus’ order came down and Marcus had a hit to carry out. But, he reasons, it is the mob. Their definition of trust stands on shaky ground. And thinking that, it’s hard for him to resist the urge to just laugh at how malformed his morality has gotten these past few years.

Had their heart broken?: I mean, yeah, but he did it his damn self and he still thinks it was the right thing. Ending the engagement would never hurt as much as going through with it and waking up twenty years down the road, miserably unhappy. Norah is the closest he’s ever gotten to feeling truly understood but shackling her to his troubled ass would only bog her down and foster a resent towards him he could honestly never hypothetically blame her for feeling. We’ll call it heart break in the name of the greater good. 

Lost someone?: Everyone in the combat zone has a story about losing someone, but Marcus never felt his squad buddies were so close to him he had that kind of ownership over their lives to say they were someone he’d ‘lost’. No close family members dead either, Norah might be something closer to loss if their split hadn’t been his choice. So no, there’s no one he’s mourning, just some still strangely vacant spaces in his mental roster and more than enough persistent ghosts left in his memories.

DO THEY…

Have any pets?: Nope, though he is very firmly a dog person.

Have a family they still talk to?: Yes, but he’s not overly fond of doing it, #1 Son of the Year. Maria and Randy are still firmly parked in Newburgh and it’s honestly just depressing to him to call home and visualize them sitting in the same shitty house on the same shitty couch living the same aimless repetitive lives. 

Have a best friend?: It’s tempting to say Artemis again, real tempting in the kneejerk way, but he’s got way too much insecurity around their relationship and how much pressure his problems can put on a person once they’re close enough to know about them to weigh her down with best friend, if that’s even the phrase for what their relationship is. He’s not about to try and compete with the likes of Apollo and Dionysus either, not when he knows how much they both mean to her. 

Want to get married and/or have kids?: Oh boy. Well, there’s a difference between wanting it and actually pursuing it. Marcus is of the give-your-kids-a-better-life-than-you mentality and he doesn’t think he could do that now that he’s pretty deep in an illegal lifestyle. As for marriage, we all know about his track record with that. 

Want to leave?: He might, if he had any idea of where else he could go without immediately falling into the mental Pit of Despair. NYC has pretty much everything keeping him somewhat together. 

THIS OR THAT?

CALL OR TEXT; texting is convenient but there’s too much in tone and word choice left up for interpretation and it can turn into a liability when he’s got time-sensitive information he needs to know. Marcus almost always calls, especially if it’s about a job; texting is for sharing contact information or an address, or more casual ‘off-duty’ plans.

WEALTH OR LOYALTY; loyalty wins out, but just barely. Wealth is mighty tempting to someone who’s never had it, but at the same time, he’s never had it. When it comes down to choosing one or the other, wealth is the one he’s most capable of living without (no matter how sweet it would be to have). There’s the added fact that genuine excessive wealth makes him almost uncomfortable?? There’s the conspicuous feeling off a sign taped to his back that tells more bougie people ‘this man considers Kraft the superior kind of cheese’ and that’s not gonna change if he suddenly pulls the winning lotto ticket at the minimart below his apartment. 

LOVE OR LUST; not that Marcus is some heartbroken cynic cruising bars every night, but lust is easy and manageable and the occasional one night stand gets lost in the big city without any of those pesky loose ends; it’s been six years and the soreness of parting ways with Norah isn’t so fresh he feels her absence like he did first time he went home with a girl in NYC. He’s not about to entertain any fantasies of romance. The pool of people with shared life experience, or at least similar enough experiences to understand, is... small, to say the least. Why rope some poor unsuspecting soul into his personal whirlpool of bullshit? 

5 FRIENDS OR 100 ACQUAINTANCES; that’s a lot closer to his situation now, Marcus doesn’t tend to accumulate close friends, or at least semi-purposefully he doesn’t. He’s good at that kind of (surprisingly) pleasant, simple interaction that tends to fix a version of himself in people’s minds that doesn’t invite further speculation or questions (though if you ask, he’ll nine times out of ten be an open book). What you see with Mark is what you get, unless you stumble into or purposefully try for something deeper. 

SUMMER OR WINTER; you’d think summer, considering Marcus’ open air approach to his apartment (though that’s more of a claustrophobia thing than anything else), but he finds winter a lot more manageable and he’s had more than enough time in the Middle East to properly enjoy heat, even though going outside when it’s warm and he isn’t wearing 60 pounds of gear is a little treasure in itself. People are easier to track during winter too, their patterns are more predictable, there’s less roaming outside when it’s fuckin cold. 

OTHERS:

Wanted plots/connections: will be linked soon!

[doodoodloo]

How do you live life, Freya? How do you squash the hopeles negative feelings when they creep up?

Hi,gosh! Such a big question! Thanks for asking ~

 Ihad to really reflect on this in order to find words for such a complex andopen-ended question. Like, how do Ilive life?

Iguess I can’t really explain how I live life now without reference to anearlier process of growth and reflection. My ‘state of being’ if you will beganwith the early teenage desire to arrive at a place /version of myself that feltcomfortable. At that time elements of my life were somewhat out of my control,for example my home life, my school situation and to some extent my socialcircle, so in order to figure out if experiences suited the version of myself Iwanted to be, I would just ask myself in new situations Do I like this?

I have a side of myself that is very stubborn, and another side that is very freeand curious, so usually I would try something (not if I had been pressuredthough, only if I had decided in the moment that I wanted to try it) and thenafterwards I would decide if it was for me. My curiosity would be satisfied,and my stubbornness would then categorise the experience into a yes or no file.It sounds very straightforward but it was of course much more subtle than that.I’ve always had a very strong core from where a ‘yes or no’ arises from. Iremember in early childhood being put into situations that I didn’t like andfeeling this all encompassing ‘NO’ rise in me, but I didn’t have the words orauthority to tap out. The adults in my life that knew me back then still jokeabout my tantrums, where my body would stiffen into an embodied state ofrefusal. In this process of discovery my stubbornness was extremely useful Ithink, and saved me from some of the pain others experience in teenagehood,since I was never swayed by peer pressure. At some point though that traitserves it’s purpose and needs to be loosened a little, I think.

 Ican imagine for people with a quiet or as of yet undeveloped intuitive ‘yes orno’ voice it means that choosing what you want in your life and what you don’t isa bit more challenging. I mean, you don’t always need to know what you aregoing to become, but I think most people have a secret or not so secret imageof the best version of themselves in mind. That version is 100% accessible, andyou should have the intention of becoming her, and giving yourself permissionto become her. If that seems all vaguey-vague, why not make a list of literalthings you want (and know you will) be. For example, I want to be 1) Centred instressful situations 2) Generous but not to the extent that people takeadvantage of me 3) Non judgemental but have boundaries with people that don’tsuit the vibe I want in my life 4) In touch with my emotions but not undertheir control etc etc. Coaching language seems to always use words like goals, reaching for, aiming for but thatkind of bothers me because it suggests that this higher you is outside ofyourself, if only you would dislocate your shoulder to reach for her! Whenactually it is a slow unfolding of the petals of your truest self blossomingoutwards, calling on what was already there, laying patient and dormant untilyou asked for it to wake up. That’s how I see it, anyway.

 Atsome point I arrived at a place where I felt comfy and incredibly safe with whoI had become, and realised that it was a foundation that if maintained, wouldkeep me happy…maybe for the rest of my life? Honestly that experience is kindof hard to explain since it involved a week long series of aligned coincidencesand then some weird esoteric things like maybe an angel and some dreams, Idon’t really have words. But it could be said that something ‘clicked’ andsince then (three years ago) I’ve been ‘ok’ every day.

 Aftera lil while it became clear that maintaining that level of ok-ness came withthe need for a lot of intention and boundaries. Those words are relatively newto my vocab but explain everything I’d never had words for before. I think thatwhen you arrive at a place that feels good, it also leaves you very vulnerable.And supposing that you arrived there by discerning what did and didn’t feelright for you, you can become very sensitive to vibes and atmospheres andenergies, from both locations and people, and the things that you said ‘no’ toa while back act as triggers that can feel like a real threat to your safeplace. So from within my being I birthed a jewel that is my truest self that isalways improving ~ how do I keep it safe?! Or as you put it, how do you squashthe hopeless negative feelings when they creep up?

 WhatI would have previously called a bubble I’ve heard others call boundaries, or acontainer. The word ‘boundaries’ works well for me, so I’m going to use thatfrom now on. You can imagine your boundaries as a space around your physicalbeing which deters all that is not right for you, and you get to choose whichenergies move through that wall. Boundaries could also be a code of morals thatyou adhere to, and do not cross yourself, or let others cross in your presence(I mean, they can do whatever the heck they want, but you can maybe tell themthat they have crossed your boundary, that behaviour doesn’t suit you etc. Ithink most reasonable people will respect another’s boundaries once you make itclear why it’s not ok with you. Remember to listen to them also, since theywill have some also!). I think of boundaries in two sorts of forms. Like oneversion is more inclined to ‘avoid’ situations. For example, I do not want tosupport fast fashion, cheap labour, environmentally toxic brands or largecorporations. I also do not like bright lights, loud music or air conditioning.Those are some boundaries. Sounds really picky-choosey, but my intuition says‘no’ when I think about them. So a boundary of mine is that when it is in mycontrol, I will not go to a shopping mall pretty much ever.

 Supposeit is a little less out of my control though, and my family needs to stop atK-mart on the way to the beach on a family holiday to buy my bro some flipflops and I don’t want to make a scene like I would have when I was a kid. Inthis situation I do my best to strengthen a different sort of boundary where Icreate an circle of intention around myself like an invisible protective shieldmuch like the protective shield over Hogwarts when Voldy and the dementors ndeath eaters are coming to get Harry in the last book! In my opinion this formof boundary is much stronger and more useful overall, since you can’tperpetually avoid all situations with annoying people or negative vibes. Thisboundary says ‘I will not be swayed by others emotions, I will not let thesethings ‘get’ to me (like literally, they will not get through my shield), Iwill leave this situation as clean and whole as when I entered it’. I believe thatif this sort of power is developed there are huge rewards. Like a master ofthis could probably accept the neg vibes through the shield, transform it andthrow it back in the other persons face in the form of love.

 I’mbeing kind of bias towards external negativity rather than negative feelingsthat arise from within, as you asked ~ sorry. Those feelings are probablyrelated to self worth and fear. When those doubty, sad feelings arise for me, Istare them in the face and ask where they have come from, and go as far back tothe root as I can. Then I try to fix them from the ground up. If youacknowledge that there is both dark and light in the universe, and that you arejust visiting the dark for a while, with intention of returning to the light,negative feelings and emotions become less scary. I don’t think there is anyshame in exploring darkness, but don’t make it your default hangout spot! Like,I’d encourage you to go on a little field trip into fear and see what you find.Pack a light lunch and come home to the light when you’re ready.

                                                     OkI just realised that I have written you a literal 1500 word essay so I’m goingto sign off. Just a quick disclosure: I don’t really have any authority overthese topics other than my own experience. I feel a connection to what might besome universal truths that have found me, but I can’t confirm which are true ornot, so I just speak from a place that feels right.  Just as you asked how I live my life ~ I justlive from a place of feeling ‘right’. My actions flow from that place throughactive choice. You got the power to design your reality ~ have fun!

Muchlove, Freya Xo

[anxious-pizzaroll]

just for funzees

1. how long have you known you liked girls?

TBH all my life. I just didn’t fully realize that’s what it was. lol But I started acknowledging it about 8ish years ago.

2. talk about the girl who made you realise you liked girls.

Well, she turned out to be a manipulative, toxic human, but getting through our horrible relationship made me the person I am today.

3. are you in a relationship at the moment?

Yes! And have been for almost 4 years <3

4. do you have a crush at the moment?

Just my fiancee

5. describe your crush!

She’s funny, silly, beautiful, selfless, considerate, loving, gentle, and just the sunshine to my fucking cloudy days.

6. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

Honestly, all fucking three. Women are gorgeous fucking creatures!

7. do you look/dress more masculine, feminine, or androgynous?

I’d definitely say more androgynous. But sometimes I do like to dress a bit more masculine. I would definitely say it’s extremely rare that I dress femininely 

8. what’s your gaydar like?

GREAT

9. tall girls or short girls?

No preference

10. intimidating girls or kind girls?

Again no preference. I’m just gay af LOL

11. hugs or kisses?

both

12. do you have an ideal ‘type’? what would they be like?

Already found my ideal type.

13. what’s your favourite personality trait of yours?

I am extremely empathetic and I will always try my best to understand things from someone else’s perspective. 

14. what’s your favourite personality trait for a girl to have?

Funny. A girl HAS to be able to make me laugh and mine does it all the time. 

15. what’s the best thing about liking girls?

They’re so SOFT and gentle and their hair is always so pretty. And man, I’m fucking gay.

16. do you have any friends who are wlw?

Tbh, not a lot. Only a few but I would definitely like to have more. 

17. have you ever been to pride? if so, what was your first pride like?

YES! I believe three years in a row now. Pride is such an amazing experience. To be there with so many other people who are gay/support us and just have a good time is the most amazing thing. I really hope we get to go again this year. 

18. do you like the lesbian flag?

It’s okay but there’s a whole lot of pink. I don’t really use it. I normally just use the Pride flag.

19. what was your first kiss with a girl like?

AMAZING. The girl I had my first really kiss with was kind of just a fling but oh man, when I kissed her, it was like every single part of me felt alive. 

20. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

Jessica Alba in Honey when I was lie 12. I remember thinking “Wow. She’s hot. It’s okay for me to think that. It’s just one girl that I think is hot.” lmfao

21. what’s your favourite lgbt+ movie?

Love, Simon, Imagine Me and You, But I’m A Cheerleader

22. who’s your favourite openly wlw celebrity?

Hayley KIyoko

23. do you wear makeup?

not really. I mean I own some lipsticks and I like to wear eyeliner but I definitely have to be in a certain mood to actually wear more than just eyeliner and chapstick.

24. who was the first person you came out to (if you have)?

My best friend, Joseph. 

25. has anyone ever come out to you?

Yep! A few different people actually.

26. have you found a community of lgbt+ people?

Not really. I would really like to have my own group of people who I can relate to and hang out with though. So if you live in the Austin/San Marcos/San Antonio area hit me up and we can hang sometime. lol Well, after this fucking quarantine. 

27. do you have any older lgbt+ people you look up to?

does Ellen Degeneres count?

28. do you identify with butch/femme labels?

No, not really. 

29. who’s your favourite fictional wlw?

Lexa

30. what experiences are you looking forward to having in the future (kissing a girl, going to pride, etc)?

Getting married. I just want to start planning our wedding so I can marry the love of my life!

[ossyuche]

Are Men Too Lonely? Are Women Too Judgmental? Yes!!

This article from Harpers Bazaar had my head spinning for a number of reasons.

“Women continue to bear the burden of men’s emotional lives, and why wouldn’t they? For generations, men have been taught to reject traits like gentleness and sensitivity, leaving them without the tools to deal with internalized anger and frustration.”

Yes, it’s true that men are, in general, less in touch with their emotions than women. At the same time, I think men are more sensitive than ever before. As a dating coach, it’s a big part of what women – like this author – are complaining about.

More importantly, why is it that a man acting vulnerable with his girlfriend is “a burden” but if a woman dumps everything on her boyfriend, it’s just part of his job description?

“I want a man who makes me feel safe, heard, understood. A man who makes me feel validated and powerful. A man who makes me feel connected. A man with whom I could be myself and know that I’m going to be loved unconditionally.”

Man says the same thing.

“Yeah, I don’t think so.”

I wrote about this in my second book, “Why You’re Still Single,” in a chapter called “Men Don’t Go Both Ways.” Basically, women want a man to be BOTH the Marlboro Man AND the Sensitive Artist simultaneously. If he acts too stoic, it’s frustrating that you don’t feel more emotionally connected to him. If he acts too vulnerable, it’s frustrating that he seems so weak. No matter what he does, he’s screwed.

This same double standard continues elsewhere in the article.

“As modern relationships continue to put pressure on “the one” to be The Only One (where men cast their wives and girlfriends to play best friend, lover, career advisor, stylist, social secretary, emotional cheerleader, mom—to him, their future kids, or both—and eventually, on-call therapist minus the $200/hour fee), this form of emotional gold-digging is not only detrimental to men, it’s exhausting an entire generation of women.”

Honestly, if either of the two genders was looking for a partner to “have it all,” couldn’t we agree that it’s women?

Are you pretty? Are you nice? Will you accept him and have sex with him sometimes?

Congratulations, you are capable of making 90% of men perfectly happy!

Congratulations, you are capable of making 90% of men perfectly happy!

Contrast that with my job, talking to women every day for 16 years and you’ll quickly realize that these cute, nice and accepting won’t get you anywhere with my clients.

“What does he do?”, “How much money does he make?”, “Who did he vote for?”, “Does he love animals?”, “Does he have any fashion sense?”, “Where did he go to college?”, “Does he believe in God?”; all of these come up quickly – and that’s before we ever get to the important questions of kindness, consistency, communication, character, and commitment.

This is not to suggest that the article doesn’t have anything valid to say. It does. It’s just a bit one-sided and overstated about the toxicity of an entire gender.

Here’s something that I largely agree with:

“Across the spectrum, women seem to be complaining about the same thing: While they read countless self-help books, listen to podcasts, seek out career advisors, turn to female friends for advice and support, or spend a small fortune on therapists to deal with old wounds and current problems, the men in their lives simply rely on them.”

Is the author correct that men are isolated, less likely to ask for help, and overly dependent on their relationship for emotional support?

Yes.

Does that negate all men as partners? I sure hope not.

I’ve written before about my own loneliness. It has been a project for years to find a group of friends that I can connect with regularly. The struggle is real.

My college friends are too far away and caught up with their young families.

My local friends are great guys who are similarly caught up in the cycle of work/family and don’t have the time to cultivate deeper relationships on a regular basis.

I tried a poker game. Some of the guys were just too douchey for me.

I checked out a local men’s group. Says one men’s group member in the linked article:

“In our culture, men have always found ways to be near each other, but it’s never been centered around feelings,” he explains. “Men are taught the remedy to heartbreak is to get drunk with your buddies, objectify women, and go out and get laid; to basically distance yourself from your feelings and channel them into an aggressive outlet. We use sports as an excuse to bump up against each other, so desperate we are for human touch and intimacy. But this kind of closeness is based in camaraderie and aggression, not vulnerability and trust. The former is very surface level and not nearly as satisfying as the latter.”

This is all partially true. But you know what happened at the men’s group I attended?

There was a silent meditation and tea. We spent four hours talking about shame.

It might have been the most depressing night I’ve ever spent with other men. For the men who have issues around shame, I appreciate that it may have been cathartic.

Me? I would much rather have gone to a steakhouse with two guy friends and talked about our wives, our kids, work, and fantasy football for four hours.

Hey, if you need therapy, get therapy. I think a lot of us just need some guy friends. It doesn’t have to be deep emotional work to fulfill an unmet need.

In other words, there’s masculinity and there’s toxic masculinity. Nobody’s endorsing the latter. But let’s not tarnish an entire gender as emotionally bereft just because men prefer to connect over beers instead of book clubs.

I’m not making apologies for the damaged narcissists who drain all your energy.

If a guy is broken then break up with him.

If a guy is a taker and doesn’t give a much in return, break up with him.

But if you’re dating a good guy who, for reasons beyond his control, has a hard time cultivating an active social life with other men, please cut him some slack.

You haven’t walked a mile in his shoes to know what it’s like.

And if you don’t want him to judge you for the drama surrounding you, your work, your girlfriends, your fellow soccer moms, your sister and your mother, perhaps you should reserve judgment when he doesn’t have anyone else to turn to except you.

Your thoughts, below, are greatly appreciated.

  The post Are Men Too Lonely? Are Women Too Judgmental? Yes!! appeared first on Dating Coach – Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. Find Love..

Related posts:

I’m a Little Lonely. Most Men Are REALLY Lonely.

Why Women Should Make Men Wait For Sex — Part II

The Blind Spot In Rori Raye’s Circular Dating

Original source: https://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/understanding-men/are-men-too-lonely-are-women-too-judgmental-yes

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