#i hope im worth more than my worst days

[alhl444]

i think the scariest thing about myself is that i am a product of everything that has happened to me. everything life has thrown at me and everything i’ve thrown at myself is why i am here.

here.

i mean i think it’s kind of funny that half of the traumatic events of my life wouldn’t have happened if a bunch of random shit didn’t destroy me in elementary school.

who would I be now?

what would i be doing?

would i be okay?

and i look back at the years past and they keep getting farther away,

it’s like i’m standing in the middle of a desolate street in the middle of a field and it’s raining heavily and i’m running and running and running and running and i don’t even know if i’m running to something or running from something.

am i grateful for who i am or am i scared of her?

and i can’t describe this feeling because it’s not just one. it’s this whole plethora of emotions that don’t make sense. because i want to sit in the middle of the very street i’ve been running on and taste the rain and listen to it hit the ground while a song plays in the background and wet hair and maybe just maybe i’ll be at peace.

peace is subjective to even myself though. peace for me would literally be my brain quiet or just nothing. no people to talk to no relationships to maintain.

but i also want to go out and forget about fucking calories and do absolutely everything that terrifies me and do it with the people i love.

if i even really love them.

do they even really love me?

and there’s this heavy, raw feeling i have deep in my bones. i don’t know what the feeling is or if i even want to know.

are we even supposed to understand the things that scare us the most?

and i am a strong believer that no one knows what happiness feels like unless they have experienced true sadness.

i understand that more than a lot of people i think.

speaking as someone who has spent a vast majority of ages 10-13 sad and lonely and just as desolate as the street i run on, i can say that i have enjoyed the few moments of pure happiness that have met my path. those moments of pure lavender flood my senses and make me feel so high like i just took two lines of cocaine and i feel on top of the world and then i slip off the edge of the sphere. and the fall from the highest place in the world is the scariest fall but it’s the one i enjoy the most.

how lucky am i that i have experienced moments so happy that i feel so alone when i am not living them?

and when lavender isn’t around, i make up different versions and i find solace from the same thing i need solace from. i live in those corners of my mind.

maybe someone’s lips touching my own.

a rush i crave simply because i haven’t felt it. and i think it feels so good to imagine the things i’ve never felt.

i imagine myself, older, with a girl or a guy and we are dancing in our kitchen and there are pancakes on the stove and i am content and happy and free and i am fucking okay.

what a dream.

and im running and im running and running and my hands are turning red from the tears i’m bleeding and maybe just maybe this wasn’t how it was supposed to be.

because there’s mascara running down my puffy cheeks and i’m staring up at the gray sky like i’m searching for an answer that i already know is not there.

who am i

what is wrong with me

where is the lavender

and i swear on my life i’m not a masochist and hate my own suffering and my own body and how i love and hate everything about how my existence is a pain and 3 tylenols and how i fucking thrive in that.

and i can’t fucking pick if i’m afraid of living or dying because i lay awake at night terrified that someone will come into my house and kill me but when i run in the road i question if i should move when a car comes speeding towards me.

isn’t that funny.

~

obsessive bitch

(this is one of my more personal ones; give feedback :))

[catscidr]

I think we have all seen the "Argenti thinks the Reader is Idrila" stuff on here. But what if the reader actually is Idrila? So I wanted to request Argenti/Idrila!Reader (gn or afab reader) headcanons or a oneshot where Idrila, who has taken on a mortal identity after [Insert tragic event here], and meets Argenti. They develop feelings for each other, Argenti finds out she is Idrila, they end up dating. (Maybe or maybe not in that specific order) I thought maybe after protecting her followers from Nanook she disappeared to ensure Nanook doesn't target them anymore? That part isn't as important so feel free to add whatever backstory you think fits^^ Thank you in advance, I really like your writing!

NONNIE omg im booting up star rail rn to stare at him lovingly. also i changed the scenario a smidge so reader is her own person while also being idrila? if that makes sense......?? yeah. also bc otherwise id be writing ten thousand words n i didnt want ur ask to grow dusty in my inbox d(;∀;d) but tysm for the prompt i couldn’t stop thinking about it ueue. also hey gang peep me trying to make my blog look more coherent n nicer looking. am i doin it ⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝ cw: a smidge of amnesia and soulmate trope (it’s not that bad, trust), fluff, love at first sight (does that even count in this scenario....), argenti and reader are dancing around the topic a lot bc argenti is a gentleman and doesn’t want to pressure her to talk. blurbs to set up the plot + a fic after them hehe. not proofread, writer’s block is killing me  includes: fem reader (he refers to reader as "my lady"), argenti, natasha, luocha is kinda there wc: 2,3k

-ˋˏ You’d go to Natasha’s clinic at least once every other day because you always had the worst migraines. To the point where you almost got beat up by a Flamespawn one time when you were clearing out calyxes (thankfully there was a Silvermane guard patrolling the area, otherwise you would’ve been charred). The doctor always says the same thing; “Stop looking for fights so often”, “Let your body rest”, “I can’t prescribe you antibiotics”, and your favorite, “Stop slamming my door open I can’t do anything about your headaches”. She was a good friend, but whenever she repeated how she couldn’t be of any help to your predicament, you’d wish you could just take that glass vial hanging from her outfit and chuck it far, far away out of spite. 

-ˋˏ Obviously it wasn’t her fault- she'd done everything she could. Natasha even had you undergo the Underworld’s equivalent of an MRI scan because of how frequently you would visit her, insisting that something was wrong. The symptoms consisted of forgetting important things too often, feeling a foreign buzz in your limbs and brain, having a sudden burst of elemental energy come out of your attacks and a myriad of benign but annoying, irritating signs that something was up with you. 

-ˋˏ It became more of a chore than anything to leave your room. Some days you felt fine, but then when you’d go out again and beat up wave after wave of enemies in Caverns of Corrosion you would keel over, clutching your head while vague images of what could only be described as a fever dream ran through your mind. 

-ˋˏ You decided to leave the Underworld for some time- considering your absence like some sort of “vacation”. You heard of a wandering doctor (and merchant, apparently) by the name of Luocha and, from the people that crossed paths with him, it seemed like he was extraordinary at his job. A trek to the Xianzhou Luofu would be a long one, but after weighing your options you thought you’d give it a try (it was worth it if it meant you’d stop waking up at ungodly hours, holding your head in your hands while hoping, praying that the pain stops.) 

-ˋˏ You (somehow) made your way to the Xianzhou Luofu from Jarilo-VI. As competent as you were however, being stranded on a foreign planet with no map nor local to guide you was... a challenge. In retrospect, maybe you should’ve gotten in contact with that Luocha doctor and had him come to Belobog instead of you going to him since, well, he was a traveling merchant. Going from planet to planet is what he does (you assume). 

✧✧✧ 

If you had read up more on general information about the Luofu you would have been aware of how many enemies were roaming around the docking area. But you didn’t. So, unbeknownst to you, a rogue mara-struck soldier was on your tail, trying to sneak up to you to snag the goods you hid in your bag (which were basically just different types of painkillers and sustenance that bodes well on an upset stomach. He doesn’t know that though.) 

Your head was throbbing; ever since you set foot on the planet, your physical health had slowly dropped down to levels you wouldn’t be enduring if it wasn’t for the promise of a competent doctor once you get to the main city. Painkillers weren’t working, your feet hurt and to make matters worse, you felt the familiar lack of something in your head. It was so bad to the point where you had to have a tangible mark somewhere to remind you that you did, in fact, just take something for your headache and if you took two more painkillers, your body wouldn’t agree with your decision. It was a struggle even remembering what you did five minutes ago, no way were you going to be in top shape, beating up every enemy crossing your way. 

Clouds began covering the bright sun, casting shadows over the desolate, geometric area. You huff, irritated that, from the looks of it, you won’t be able to find a cozy place to set up camp. Though sleeping on a ground made of primarily iron and steel was considerably less nerve-wracking than sleeping on the mushy, cold, dirty ground of Jarilo-VI. So, with a pout aimed at no one in particular, you find some place that you deemed decent enough to set your humble tent. It wasn’t often that adventurers slept outside of safe zones, however with your condition you couldn’t afford to miss out on some rest and possibly get even more lost than you already are. 

You set your heavy backpack down, rolling your shoulders to soothe the ache in your muscles from carrying something so bulky. As you ruffle through your belongings, you open a bottled soda and take a swift gulp, sighing contentedly at the pleasant taste on your tongue. Now that you were sat and could rest your bones (until you started setting up your tent, at least), your ears were able to pick up on some not-so-distant footsteps. 

There’s no time for you to react; the mara-struck soldier that had been following you lunges at you, aiming for your bag. Your eyes widen and you open your mouth to yell, but before any sound can leave your mouth, a long, red and gold spear pierces the ground between you and the rabid man, making you yelp in surprise. You scurry as far back as you can in your current state; however, the soldier doesn’t have time to take advantage of your weakened stature. The owner of the spear lodges himself before your shaking figure and the mara-struck, yanking his spear out of the ground with impressive elegance, and summons an array of thorny vines to catch your assailant. 

It takes little to no effort for the seasoned fighter to take down the mara-struck as he swings his weapon, swiftly knocking the blunt end on the soldier’s plexus, knocking the wind out of him. A strangled scream leaves his throat as he scampers away, leaving your belongings safe with you and the strange red-haired man. He lowers his spear, careful to keep the sharp edge far from you, and turns around to face you properly. His brows raise a smidge for a split second before he composes himself and bows before you, the action short and curt.  

“It would have been a shame to lose a beauty such as yourself,” he says smoothly, straightening his back to look down at you with a warm smile. He stretches his hand out, a polite offer to help you stand up, as he continues speaking. “My name is Argenti, I belong to the Knights of Beauty. What might you be doing so far away from civilization, dear...?” he trails off, waiting for you to introduce yourself. 

You were in a state of shock, your mind still processing what had happened in such a short amount of time, that you failed to notice the lack of pain at the back of your head. As you meekly tell him your name, you hold onto his hand to help yourself up- as soon as his armored glove comes in contact with your hand something flashes in your mind; too quick to allow you to think about it too much, or to recognize what you saw for a millisecond. 

“So far away from civilization... do you know how to get to the city?” you ask as you feel a glimmer of hope spark in you. His words were refreshing, probably the best thing someone has ever said to you in the past month. He nods, reaching into his pocket to fish out a blue handkerchief embroidered with a delicate gold trim. Argenti hands it over to you and you gratefully take it, blotting the sweat and... dust off of your face. 

“I have made my way around the Luofu for long enough to show someone the way,” he says kindly. “Besides, even if I didn’t, I would still offer to accompany you through your trek. It is my duty as a Knight of Beauty, for I must uphold chivalry and distinguished manners, in the name of the Goddess guiding me.” His words resonate within you, making you beam, nodding in understanding. 

Your reaction doesn’t go unnoticed by the knight. As you hand his handkerchief back, he smiles at you and gestures to your bag. “What brings you so far from your homeworld, my lady?” Argenti asks gently, though a glimmer of doubt swirls in his sparkling, verdant eyes. The question makes you pause, a memory flashing in your mind too suddenly for you to know what it meant. Although, from what you could tell, you knew you could trust him with what troubled you somehow. 

“Ah, it’s a long story,” you start sheepishly, “I’ve been having these incredibly painful migraines recently. And sometimes I feel like my memory is fading too quickly for what would be considered normal,” you say, trailing off slightly at the end. “I’m looking for a healer, a doctor by the name of Luocha...?” 

Somehow, the doctor was currently the least of your worries. You’d never felt so refreshed before, at least not that you could remember; simply being in Argenti’s presence seemed to be enough to make your aches disappear like a starskiff smoothly gliding through a cloudless sky. 

“I’ve seen the man only a handful of times,” Argenti mutters aloud, pulling you out of your thoughts. “I can do my best to guide you to him, but if I may... you don’t seem to be injured?” the knight says, his voice trailing off into a questioning tone despite the observation. You shake your head, wondering how you should explain your predicament to the man. 

“Like I said, it’s a long story,” you say again, shrugging sheepishly. You wondered if you should even go into the nitty gritty- he could always just be making small talk to help you get comfortable or something. Sensing your unease, he changes the spotlight to him instead. 

“There’s no need to delve into details if you wish to keep them secret,” he says with a kind smile, bending down to take ahold of your hand- gently pressing a chaste kiss on the back of your hand. Red flushes your ears immediately, words caught in your throat at the sight of his hair cascading over his shoulders, a beautiful contrast from the gold and silver armor glittering in what was left of the sunlight. 

“As for myself, like I mentioned earlier, I am a Knight of Beauty. I’m on a quest to find my dear Goddess Idrila once more, for I need to pay my respects to them after they saved me from a particularly grim fate.” His words echoed in your mind, your brows knitting together as you felt what could only be described as a cold bucket of water being dunked on your head. “I-Idrila?” you parrot, your voice coming out as a choked noise. Argenti perks up, the hand that had been softly holding onto yours now holding it with a firmer grip, his other hand joining it. 

“Yes, Idrila. Have you ever heard of them? Or...” he trails off, looking deep into your eyes expectantly, almost as if he knew something you didn’t. His eyes seemed to suck you in, bringing a comfortable wave of warmth over you, making you yearn for something. 

“I...” you begin, your gaze falling down to look at your feet. As you thought long and hard about what you wanted to say, what you tried to remember, you slowly look over to his spear, lying flat on the ground- long forgotten since the fight earlier. As if a lightbulb went off above your head, you perk up just as he did, and look at him, beaming. The words were caught in your throat; there was so much you wanted to say, to declare, to do in this moment of clarity, but with how fast your mind was running to catch you up on the current events of your life it was a struggle. 

“Argenti,” you murmur, the name rolling off your tongue smoothly, as you realized seeing the traveling merchant was no longer required. Though the road might have been arduous, and you may have almost lost your mind in the process, being with Argenti suddenly made everything make sense. That’s why your migraines mysteriously disappeared as soon as you were in the knight’s presence, that’s why you had gaps in your memory, that’s why you were freakishly powerful... at convenient times.  

Everything clicked into place. 

The both of you share a pregnant pause, eyes locked together as the world seemed to come to a stop around you. If it were possible, you’re sure there would be delicate, silky rose petals floating around your figures, suspended in the air. You glance down at his lips, and for the first time, make a decision with a clear head. 

His lips felt smooth against yours, the faint taste of vanilla mixed with roses transferring to your own lips. The kiss almost felt like it could be the result of a symbiotic relationship; now that you had Argenti, or at least had him by your side once again, you didn’t think you’d be able to continue on without him. 

[onlyjaeyun]

i’ve been following ur writing for some time now and i do have to agree with that anon who said you did CH dirty. you are a very talented writer so it’s just hard to watch.

you started off CH so strong with the lore and little chapters here and there but as it progressed you kind of just got lazy and it shows. when important events happened in the story, they weren’t conveyed through writing but through the texts (ie the riki and yn fight, that was definitely worth a written chapter) and it was honestly disappointing.

the ending isn’t much to say about either. yn and hoon barely go through development after the letter incident and all of a sudden they’re dating and married with a kid like two chapters later?

idk, if it was a mental health issue then i get that but even then you should’ve just gave it a break and thought everything out more. you could do so much better.

thank you for the feedback!

i wanna put you through the progess of a piece of writing from the POV of a writer okay? now keep in mind: i work two jobs, am a fulltime uni student and the daughter of an immigrant household with two parents who still work most of the day just so you know what else i have to deal with, besides my mental health okay?

now, i started off CH strong right? yes. i uploaded on the daily, fine i chose that. a chapter usually takes me around one hour if i actually sit down and focus on nothing but the chapter itself, which includes IG stories, editing, formatting etc. alright

on top of the daily chapters, i constantly replied to 40+ asks a day, a blessing in disguise because no matter how much i enjoy talking to you guys, the pressure does get worse the bigger that number of my inbox becomes, i hope this makes sense

now, i started CH back in october, right when my semester started, thats why i started off strong but as time went on, my assignments and private life got too busy and i guess i felt entitled enough as a writer to skip a few certain chaps and make life a little easier for me by making them regular chapters instead of written ones.

and this is gonna be my main point: i'm not a machine. i wrote a minimum of 5 THOUSAND words per written chapter, MINIMUM. we're talking about a 5-9 THOUSANDED worded chapter EACH WEEK. which usually took me about 6-7 hours, even allnighters.

yes, i chose to do that and maybe my time management wasn't the best but i had to create a compromise where i wouldnt have let you guys wait for over two months which would have resulted in me losing my motivation completely, and yet still focusing on EXAMS. because you know, i'm a fulltime uni student with TWO jobs 😮‍💨

if YOU think i did CH dirty go write an alternative ending yourself but it should be a minimum of 15 chapters including 5 written ones, with at LEAST 9k words each yeah? i wanna see you manage it all, pls prove me wrong snd show me you're better than me i'm genuinely begging bc it might inspire me to do "better" next time.

as a writer/artist/creator, and i can tell you probably arent one yourself or havent been one for long, the longer smth takes to come to an end the worse the pressure becomes which results in a blockage i dont wish upon my worst enemy i'm being deadass. i dealt with some of the worst writer's block ive had since i started writing literally 12 years ago and you're telling me i should have just "taken a break" and do "better"

i never, ever expected anything from anyone but some of you are so entitled to a writer's time and skill it's giving me a headache. maybe you didn't like the timing and writing of the last few chapters of CH and i guess that's unfortunate but this was so unnecessary because you completely dismissed everything else that could have been going on in my life and even belittled my mental health issues like im some fucking AI writing machine

do better, be nicer, write it yourself if you don't like it i'm so fucking over this

if i had gotten out of my own comfort and wellbeing and have actually written another set of written chapters i would have burned myself completely out. ive been in this fandom for not even a year and have already finished FOUR smaus with 50 chapters each, you do NOT get to tell me what i should or could have done better because you dont even give a fuck about me as a person this is just about receiving what YOU think YOURE entitled to but this is MY art and I will do what I see fit even if it's not what was expected of it because i'm a fucking human being with a life before i'm a writer on tumblr

oh, also: i do this for free ㅤ:) just a reminder :) this is my HOBBY :)

and don't you EVER call me lazy again when it comes to writing because i'm not gonna pour my heart and soul into a fic just for you to call me lazy when i literally wrote 50 THOUSAND words for this fucking fic just for the written chapters

goodbye

[raveboy34]

I just realized that Irene Adler is going to be introduced any time soon now in the podcast, and I don't think i've been more nervous for a podcast ever before in my life. I really hope they take a more original approach on the story of a "Scandal In Bohemia" and for once in the 21st century of Sherlock Holmes history, they don't take a "romantic" approach at it. It is becoming insanely unoriginal at this point, and overall, bland. It is so bland, BBC Sherlock being worse than bland, legit the worst version of Irene Adler to ever forsake my eyes and ears.

I don't think writers when making a new adaptation of Sherlock Holmes ever understand the point of "The Woman," and what her character is meant to represent. She is NOT a damsel in distress, she was NOT in love with Holmes, neither was Holmes, and she is NOT stupid, literally FAR from it. She in the books was the first woman to outsmart Holmes, and what did Holmes have to say about it? He was happy and intrigued.

I understand that adaptations of SH are not trying to be true to the books, but diminishing an originally strong and smart female character to something as bland as a love interest and a damsel in distress when during the time of publishing the book, that was all women were worth in most stories written by men, is just outright wrong. The SH books are FAR from perfect but the impactful aspects of it, like Irene Adler, imo, should stay true to its original purpose.

I have high hopes this will not happen, but after back to back to back shitly written Irenes in the past 20 years of SH adaptations, im still dying inside.

Anyways, let me give some appreciation to Granada Irene Adler.

Mother was mothering so hard all of Scotland Yard got fed that day.

Miss Adler studied in the school of Serveington, majoring in cuntology, broke the score of most slayholarly with an 100 in cuntmistry.

When she sailed away on that boat to live her life with her new man, the boat shook so hard because her servecession was too much, but she still managed to bring everyone to slayty with her life mother boat. And when she arrived she pussified the land, with her own 2 heels.

Gayle Hunnicutt? More like Gayle HunniCUNT.

[dungeonpuppykai]

OMG PROUD NO MORE IS THE HOTTEST THING IVE EVER READ PART 2 pls im on my knees

AHHHH! I am so glad you liked it! Since requests aren't open and I cannot do a drabble or oneshot rn, here's a little something I whipped up. Sorry if you had something specific in mind (you can always talk about it 🥴)

Note: This is a part 2-ish headcanon of my ABO oneshot Proud No More.

Warning(s): Dub-con, dark enhanced!Alpha Steve, Alpha!Reader, mean!Steve and dark stuff. Browse at your own discretion. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

After the events of part 1, Y/n remains curled in his legs on the floor after cleaning up and bringing everyone their drinks. 

Steve is drinking his as he discusses the sport on the tv with the other Alphas.

She whimpers each time their eyes meet, him sitting on the couch with his legs spread, her snuggled up to them underneath him. 

Her whole body is wrapped around his but he is not touching her at all.

His blue eyes are so cold to the puppy eyes she is looking at him with. 

He knows it. 

He can see it.

Smell it.

She wants it.

Needs him.

Inside.

So, so bad.

Y/n spends the remainder of the time peppering soft apologetic kisses to his knees, legs and thighs, hoping to earn some mercy.

Because Steve is the worst when it came to denying her where she needs him most. 

Which is his go to punishment for her besides spanking. 

She doesn't even care about the rest of the pack looking at her anymore. 

Pleasing him so he would fuck her pussy numb is the only objective on her mind now.

But Steve doesn't falter.

The Alpha Supreme is a master of endurance.

She's so desperate by the time they finally leave the packhouse and walk towards his vintage Camaro. 

Her eyes are glossy and lips only slightly pouty (because Steve doesn't tolerate brats and she's trying her best to not piss him off more than she already has) when he orders her to go over to get inside with a brief nod towards the vehicle.

She whines just a little, trying to move his hand (that she's desperately holding tight between both of hers) towards her aching core. 

Yes, she forgets all rationality when she's needy. 

What is remaining of her bottoms is covered in a wet mess of her slick and his cum. 

But one sharp look from Steve has her scurrying away to the backseat, not wanting another punishment.

Whenever Y/n acts out, she loses the passenger Princess privilege. 

Because Alpha doesn't like to look at sorry misbehaving puppies.

So she's sniffling and hiccupping as she moves to the back of the car before settling her very sore ass on the seat.

Her head lowers itself as her cheeks burn in humiliation.

He has a way of making her feel so small and pathetic.

Her form feels so tiny against the leather seat right now.

As if she's nothing but a small kicked puppy.

Fuck.

She can not decide if it's the inferior Alpha in her or if she actually feels sorry. 

But all her senses are wrenching with regret.

The stunt was completely unnecessary and not worth it at all.

She's quiet and ashamed behind him, pulling her best sorry puppy expression. 

The Superior Alpha starts the car and drives it off the porch onto the main road.

It is after a few minutes that her whimpers start to get louder to try and attract his attention.

Needy eyes shoot pleading glances up at the blonde man, knowing that he can feel them through the bond.

Steve continues to ignore her, still irritated by the antic she pulled in the packhouse. 

It will take her days of worship and cocksucking to make him happy again.

It always does.

He is very hard to please. 

Until then, the Supreme Alpha will, no doubt, be even stricter than usual.

Calling her out on the smallest of slip ups, punishing her for even breathing the wrong way, denying her as much physical touch as possible (she doesn't like to admit it but the puppy in her is always making her pathetically cuddle into one of his limbs). 

The cruelest cold shoulder. 

It has happened before.

And only Y/n is to blame for it happening again.

Yes, no matter what Steve does to her, she always dry orgasms. 

It is just the effect he has on her.

But nothing compares to his touch down there. 

Nothing, no orgasm, ever satisfies her more than the one his cock fucks out of her. 

And until she can have one of those, she can neither think nor function right. 

On days when she has to face denial as a consequence of her own actions, his dick is all she can think about. 

Even if she refuses to admit it.

That is where the punishment aspect comes in. 

Steve knows how hopeless her body is for his touch.

24/7.

She can lie to herself all she wants.

But Y/n cannot change the effect the bond has on her.

And that's exactly why he uses her everywhere but in her pussy following an episode of her acting out.

The begging, sobbing, kneeling, writhing, hissing, worshipping and trembling for his mercy strokes his ego in the best way.

Nothing makes him harder than all the promises she desperately makes.

All the ungodly things he makes her say.

Because she gets so cock starved during these punishments that she is always willing to do whatever he wants in the end.

Anything at all. 

Just so he would fuck her like the puppy that she is.

Fuck her until she has basically lost consciousness.

Only to make her thank him once she comes back up.

Every time. 

How her pride gradually breaks down.

Peeling away from her stiff form like the clothes that he makes her strip out of. 

There is no better sight or feeling.

To him, that state looks the best on her.

She's so fragile and vulnerable for him then.

It is perfect. 

She is perfect.

When she is proud no more.

Compliant and respectful on her knees. 

Stroking his ego and kissing his feet.

Steve smirks to himself as he turns a corner, refusing to look at the crying mess of drool and cum hanging by his seat.

He has turned a deaf ear to her pleads. 

But his monstrous knot is so worked up by how she's doing her best to remain as silent as possible because she is not allowed to be loud especially when interacting with her Alpha. 

Yet, every part of her body is aching for him (he can feel it through their bond) so bad that she cannot stop the begging even if she wants to. 

It is impossible for her to sit silently (as is expected of her).

Thus piling more and more punishment for herself.

Steve is not complaining though.

[tokkias]

i beg on hands and knees. i need to see jealous natsu and/or lucy 🥺🙏 (most preferably humor but im down for any :D)

this ask awoke a sleeper agent in my brain and i blacked out for 5 days and woke up with a 7000 word fic that was definitely not supposed to be longer than 2000 words, because we need more jealous lucy fics that aren't misogynistic lisanna bashing.

it's mostly angsty lucy introspection & fluffy lucy + everyone friendship, with some cute fluffy nalu bants at the end <3 i hope you enjoy!

as always thanks to @nalunalu for being my beta, keeping me sane, and at this point practically being my co-author on this fic.

When Lucy’s turn to choose their next job rolled around, she found herself picking out an easy escort mission. It was low risk, high reward, and not even her reckless teammates could screw this one up. After a handful of missions gone awry and the due date for her rent swiftly approaching, she was more than keen to take on something that wouldn’t involve potential threats of severe injury and mass destruction.

The instructions were simple: escort a wagon of goods from point a to point b through a route that had been the scene of minor bandit attacks in the past. It would be a three-day trek on foot, but for the reward, it would be well worth it. What the instructions didn’t specify, however, was that alongside the goods, they would also be escorting their employers’ daughter. It was a minor detail; she would sit in the wagon while the wizards escorted it on foot, leaving them to their own devices while she remained nice and safe inside the vehicle. That plan had been thrown to the wayside however, when the young girl had found herself rather taken with Lucy’s pink-haired partner. She had instead insisted that she join them on foot so she could spend time with him instead of rotting away on that boring old carriage for the next three days.

It should have been no real issue; she was sweet, if not a little more talkative than they might have been used to, but overall she seemed to be a nice, kind, and polite girl. There was just something about the way she clung to Natsu’s side, her arms wrapped around his as she tried to hold herself closer to him, that made Lucy’s stomach lurch. Almost immediately, she began to swoon about how big, and strong, and handsome he was. With her free hand, she began to run her fingers up and down the exposed muscles of his arm, in what Lucy found to be an egregious invasion of personal space. But the worst part was, she couldn’t even find it in herself to blame her. Natsu was strong, and kind, and handsome, and funny, and yeah, he was a bit of an idiot sometimes, but Lucy always thought that was part of his charm. She adored all those things about him, finding them so incredibly endearing, and that was why she had chosen to stick by his side through everything as his best friend. Watching this stranger so blatantly flirt with her partner made her wonder: if she hadn’t found herself so deeply ingrained in the friend zone, then maybe she would be throwing herself at him like that too.

A part of her ached for the confidence to do that—to push their relationship into something more than friendship. There was always something bubbling just beneath the surface with them, stuck between the space of more than friends but not quite lovers, and while Lucy had been content to let things stay the way they were, lately she had been longing for a little more than that. What had started as a teeny tiny little crush on her partner had grown into a full-fledged yearning for him. She was all consumed by her desire for him as more than just his best friend. Many times she had found herself wondering what it would be like to hold his hand in hers, to feel his arms wrap tightly around her body as his lips grazed her cheek. The reasonable part of her brain had been the one to hold her back; there was no way she was going to face the possibility of rejection from Natsu of all people. It would be embarrassing, but more importantly, it could prove to ruin the friendship that they had spent years building together, and that would always be worth more to her than some silly crush.

She was beginning to regret offering to trail behind alongside Gray, because at least if she were in front, she wouldn’t have to bear witness to some of the most obvious flirting she had ever seen, directed right towards the man who had long since been the object of her attraction.

"You okay there, Lucy?" Gray asked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine,"

He shot her a sceptical look before his gaze flicked over to Natsu and then back to her, but didn’t say anything. Lucy didn’t want to talk about it, and neither did he, especially not when the daughter of their generous employer was within earshot. Instead, the pair, alongside the rest of their team, continued in silence, only filled by the idle chatter of their esctortee.

Usually, low-effort jobs like this were filled with playful banter between the wizards, but instead, an awkward hush had fallen over the group. Even Happy had forgone multiple opportunities to poke fun at Lucy, seemingly also feeling a little neglected from having Natsu’s attention taken away by the new addition to their group. She seemed more than content to chat away with Natsu—well, more at him than with him. Her eyes were glued to Natsu rather than the path in front of them, relying entirely on him and the tight grasp she held on his arm to keep her from tripping. From her view from behind, Lucy couldn’t quite gauge his reaction to this whole situation.

Usually she could be confident in how her best friend would react in most scenarios, but this wasn’t like most scenarios. Looking back, she couldn’t say that she recalled Natsu ever finding himself on the receiving end of any flirting, much less flirting of this caliber. He was most certainly not the romantic type, finding more joy in poking fun at Lucy for being such a hopeless romantic than in thinking about romance himself.

Occasionally he would nod at what she was saying, but without seeing his expression, Lucy couldn’t tell if that was because of his disinterest or because he was focusing on not letting her fall on the rocky terrain that they were traversing.

The rest of the day passed by similarly uneventfully, and Lucy was almost hopeful that Happy would find some way to insult her as they walked. It would probably have brought out a cackle from Natsu, his attention turned back to her as she and that damn cat argued about whether or not she had put on weight recently. At the very least it would have been a distraction from the self-torture she had been putting herself through as she forced herself to watch the two their whole trek. The more she thought about it, the more having Happy call her fat seemed like the preferable option.

Once the sun began to set over the horizon, the group made the most of what little light they had left by setting up camp in a small clearing within the woods. Gray, Erza, and Lucy worked away at setting up their tents, while their guest sat in awe as she watched Natsu use his magic to light their campfire. He seemed more than happy to have a chance to show off, being met with her fascinated oohs and aahs as she watched the flames flicker to life with nothing more than the touch of his hand.

While Lucy had hoped that the weird tension that had followed them the whole day would dissipate as they gathered around the fire, any chance of that happening was drowned out by the incessant rambling of their guest. It was becoming increasingly clear that this girl could talk about anything and everything at length, regardless of whether anyone was actually listening.

Gray seemed wholly uninterested, not-so-subtly rolling his eyes at every compliment she threw Natsu’s way, while Erza did her best to pretend that she was interested in what she had to say out of politeness. Any attempt that was made to add to the conversation was futile in the face of her obvious infatuation with Natsu, and Lucy couldn’t find it in herself to stick around much longer to find out how the rest of the night would play out. Instead, she excused herself to her tent to distract herself within the pages of a book.

A good romance novel was what she needed to pass the time—just her and the characters inside her book, and none of the thoughts about how much she wanted to know what her partner's lips would feel like against her own. She bit down on her lip, her brows furrowed, as she tried to allow herself to get lost in the words. It wasn’t until the last embers of their fire were flickering out and her tent buddies came in to join her that she realised how much time had passed and how little progress she had made on her book.

It was a little cramped as she and Erza had to find space for their unexpected visitor within their two-person tent, but thankfully neither of them seemed to mind all that much. Usually on jobs like this, they’d split themselves up so Lucy and Natsu slept in one tent with Happy, while Erza and Gray took the other, but there was a silent agreement between them that maybe their normal would be a little awkward to explain to someone they had just met. Natsu, on the other hand, seemed none too happy with their new arrangement, pouting at the prospect of change, though whether that was because of having Lucy taken away from him or from being forced into close proximity with Gray, she couldn’t quite tell.

Though not as outwardly upset as he was, Lucy found herself a tad bummed by the change in routine. She always looked forward to when the three of them got to wind down for the night, chatting away about anything that caught their attention until they found themselves in a fit of giggles, like a couple of preteens at a sleepover. She appreciated Erza's company, but falling asleep without Natsu's comforting presence besides her wasn't the same.

Lucy was content for the three of them to sit together in silence as she made her way through the pages of her book, but it seemed as though their new companion had other ideas for how they were going to spend their downtime before bed.

"You guys are so lucky to be friends with Natsu~" she said with a dreamy sigh. "What’s he like? Like, really like? I want to know everything!"

Erza’s silence and awkward glances towards Lucy signalled that she was deferring the conversation to her, and with a quiet sigh, she decided that she could indulge the poor girl.

"He’s... nice," she said, not really knowing where to begin or even what this girl even wanted to hear from her, but her wide-eyed eager expression as she began spurred Lucy on. "He’s really kind, and he cares about his friends more than anyone I’ve ever met." She paused as she looked down at her hand, her finger trailing over her guild mark, as she reminisced about all the time she and Natsu had spent together. "He’s fiercely loyal and would do anything to protect the people he cares about." Thinking about him had her heart racing faster, and any embarrassment she might have felt about swooning over him like this fizzled away as she continued on. "He kind of doesn’t think before he acts, which gets us into trouble sometimes, but... I suppose all of his good qualities make up for that."

"Wow~" she swooned, "he sounds like real boyfriend material."

"Yeah, I guess so," Lucy murmured in reply.

Before the conversation could go much further, the familiar voice of a certain exceed interrupted them from the outside.

"I’m coming in!" Happy cried, not leaving the trio much warning before barging in on their already cramped space, flying straight into Lucy’s arms. "Luuuucccyyyyy, I don’t like it in the tent with Natsu and Gray; all they do is fight," he whined, "can’t you just come back and sleep with me and Natsu instead?"

Lucy sucked in a breath at the exceed’s absolute lack of tact, trying to figure out a way to explain exactly why she couldn’t do that, though a mischievous glint in his eyes told her that he already knew exactly why and that he just wasn’t having it.

"Well, Erza and I have already settled in for the night; I don’t want to have to upend everything just to swap tents now," she suggested, hinting that he should drop the subject.

As much as she wanted to go back to their usual sleeping arrangements, things were already weird with the way their client’s daughter was so eagerly throwing herself at Natsu and screwing with their group dynamic entirely. Lucy didn’t want to risk upsetting the girl and risking that sweet, sweet reward money just because she was desperate to snuggle with her best friend.

She didn’t really even know if she wanted to see Natsu right now. Having spent so much of the day thinking about her most-likely unrequited feelings towards him, all the while watching this stranger have the courage to do what she did not, had her heart feeling a little tender. If she forced herself to partake in their meaningless little affections, she was sure she would simply burst at the seams and begin to cry right in his presence.

"Pllleeaaaaassseee?" he begged, looking up at her with puppy dog eyes (or at least the best approximation a cat could make). "You, me, and Natsu can cuddle together just like we do every night!"

"H-Happy!" Lucy cried as a deep red blush spread across her face.

What he said wasn’t a lie per se, but he was certainly exaggerating the truth, either to ward off Natsu’s new admirer or simply to embarrass Lucy in front of her. Regardless of his intentions, she was now getting confused stares from both of her roommates.

"I-it’s not like that!" she clarified, her blush spreading to the very tips of her ears.

"My, I didn’t know you two were like that…" Erza pondered with an expression on her face that looked as though she had just uncovered a deep, dark secret.

"That’s because we’re not!" Lucy snapped, her obvious frustration and anger dripping from every word.

She had tried to keep her voice down so that Natsu wouldn’t hear from his tent, but judging by the way his and Gray’s squabbling had quieted down, there was no way the both of them hadn’t already heard her outburst. Today’s events already had her a tad pent up, and even though she knew Happy had her best intentions at heart, she really didn’t want to hear it. Her and Natsu were friends and nothing more than that, so there was no reason to try convince anyone else that they weren't.

"Look, just drop it, okay, Happy?" She sighed, "I’m going to sleep."

"Sorry Lucy…" he murmured as he watched her roll over in her sleeping bag, her back facing the rest of them. "Can I… stay here?"

Lucy didn’t say a word but opened her arm out for him, which had him diving into her grasp and snuggling up in her chest as the two of them dozed to sleep.

There was an air of awkwardness that followed them the next morning that made Lucy feel uneasy. She knew why that was, of course; her little outburst the night before was still lingering in the back of everyone’s minds, but there was no way any of them were going to address it with their new friend still with them.

Happy had opted to linger around Lucy as they made their trek, feeling bad for provoking her earlier but not knowing what to say to make it better. Really, just having him there made her feel even just a little bit more comfortable in their unconventional situation. Usually it was always her, Happy, and Natsu, walking side by side, chatting away about anything and everything, smiling and laughing together the whole way through. Losing out on that on their first day had made her feel rather lonely, but having Happy by her side made up for that, even just a little.

Natsu hadn't exactly looked pleased to have his little buddy leave his side, but he also hadn’t mentioned anything about it, perhaps because he simply didn’t have a chance with his new partner chatting his ear off. Lucy hadn’t even had a chance to speak to him since they’d set off, and she had a feeling she wouldn’t get one until after they had arrived at their destination. Fortunately for her, Happy didn’t seem too interested in letting any silence linger between them.

"I’m booreeed," he whined, "and- and- and my legs hurt."

"What do you mean your legs hurt? I’ve been carrying you for the past 20 minutes!" Lucy countered.

"Yeah, well, that’s cause you need to lose some weight," he said, looking up at her innocently.

Lucy huffed at his comment, but ultimately didn’t pay it much mind. She knew Happy meant well; his tasteless teasing was just his way of showing her affection and an attempt to keep her mind off of Natsu.

"How about we play some twenty questions?" he suggested.

She had spent the whole day prior wallowing in her own pity, and the lack of any sort of conversation between her and her teammates hadn’t exactly done her much good either. It seemed as though Happy was acutely aware of this and was now attempting to compensate by filling in the silence any way he could.

"Yeah, that could be fun," she smiled.

"Okay, I’m thinking of a food!" Happy chirped.

Lucy raised her eyebrows slightly at his very obvious choice in category before making her guess first try.

"Is it fish?"

"Wh- Hey! How did you get that so fast?"

She snorted at his genuine surprise, "Because it’s always fish."

"No fair! Let me go again!" He paused to think up a new answer before speaking up again, "I’m thinking of a person this time!"

"Alright, is this person famous?" she asked.

"You could say that," he replied, coyly.

She raised her brows a little at his unconventional answer but continued to push on.

"Is it someone we know?"

Happy nodded along as she asked questions, letting the pieces of the puzzle fall into place with each answer he gave.

"Is it…" her eyes scanned their teammates before landing on the obvious answer: "Erza?"

"Yeah!" Happy cried out in celebration

"Hm?" Erza looked over at the two, her attention having been caught by hearing her name.

"Lucy and I are playing twenty questions! Do you wanna join us?"

"Well, I suppose it could be fun," she mused, "so yes, I would like to join you."

"Okay! It’s Lucy’s turn now!" Happy cheered.

A short hum left her lips as she pondered her options before settling on one. "Alright, I’m thinking of a person as well."

"Do we know them?"

"Mhmm," she nodded.

With the start of the game, Erza was quick to pick up the rules, chiming in, "Has this person fought alongside us before?"

Her unique question had Happy’s face lighting up as he looked over to Lucy to see if it would get them any closer to the answer.

"Yes," Lucy confirmed, sending the pair into an excited frenzy of questions.

"Are they a member of the guild?" Happy asked.

She took a moment to consider it, not knowing how she would fit it into a simple yes-or-no answer.

"I suppose so," she shrugged, prompting the two players to share a mildly confused glance in response to her vague answer.

They weren’t given much time to mull over her answer before they were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"It’s Loke," Gray chimed in, subsequently catching the attention of the three players.

"Yep, I was thinking of Loke," Lucy confirmed.

"No fair! Gray wasn’t playing!"

Gray simply shrugged, unphased by Happy’s emotional response to him joining, "well, the answer was pretty obvious, and you guys weren’t getting it."

Lucy could have sworn she saw Natsu turn his head for a split second, with that eager look that sparkled in his eye whenever he was given the chance to compete, only for his attention to be pulled away with a tug on his sleeve. She frowned slightly, knowing that he probably wouldn’t be taking part in their games any time soon. She would have been happy for the both of them to join; the girl seemed nice enough, if not a tad clingy, but she just didn’t seem to pay the rest of them any mind when Natsu was around.

"It’s my turn next!" Erza cried out, perhaps a tad too eager for a game with stakes as low as this, but Lucy supposed there were no stakes too low for her teammates. "I’m thinking of an animal! Now guess!"

The group of them immediately began their interrogation, throwing out questions and guesses along with accusations that Erza had changed her answer to win (before Lucy was forced to clarify to the group that there really was no winning or losing in a game like twenty questions).

Their game was cut off by Natsu abruptly stopping in his path, holding his arm out in front of his teammates to shield them from any oncoming danger. His sudden change in behaviour had the group’s guard up, not knowing exactly why he had stopped but trusting in his instincts. Natsu’s senses had never let them down before, and they weren’t about to start now.

"I can hear you guys, so either come out and fight us or go scram," he called out into the nothingness of the forest.

His demand was met with silence, save for the quiet rustle of the leaves when the wind passed as Lucy tried to tune her ears into whatever it was that Natsu had heard but ultimately was not able to find it.

That was until a hand grabbed at her arm, and she found herself face-to-face with a bandit who had picked her out as the group's weakest link. He clearly found himself regretting that choice when a brilliant light surrounded her, his eyes agape as she transformed into her Taurus Star Dress before promptly using her newfound strength to send him flying into the dirt.

With a grin on his face, Natsu looked eager to join in on the action, cracking his knuckles as he scoped out their assailants. Lighting his fist on fire, he was about to send it flying in the face of whatever fool was stupid enough to come near him, until he was stopped by a dainty pair of arms wrapped around his torso, holding him back.

"I need you to get off of me," he hissed, trying to convince her to let go before he physically threw her off of him.

"I’m scared…" she whimpered, her nose buried in the back of his shirt as she trembled.

He ground his teeth together, conflicted between protecting their obviously frightened client and wanting to get in on the fight. The rest of his team, however, didn’t give him much time to make that decision himself, with the three of them taking care of the bandits with swift ease.

"Is everyone okay?" Erza asked, being met with a chorus of nods, and a disgruntled huff from Natsu. Choosing to ignore his grouchy mood, Erza turned her attention to the wagon driver and their escortee, "and are you two alright?"

The driver flashed her a thumbs up, but the girl still seemed rather shaken up from the incident, hiding herself behind Natsu’s larger frame. He had since detached her from himself now that they were safe, but she still clung to the fabric of his jacket, seeking comfort from him despite him clearly being unhappy with the arrangement.

A very obvious pout had made its way onto Natsu’s face; his arms were crossed and his shoulders slumped, obviously unhappy with the way that things had played out. Lucy shot him a sympathetic look that she knew he wouldn’t see; his attention much more focused on the rock he was rather aggressively kicking down the path ahead of him. Any other time, she would have jumped at the chance to cheer him up, to repay him for all the times he had been there for her when she was at her worst, but the girl had quickly rebounded and attached herself to his side, demanding his attention with her constant chatter. Instead, Lucy found herself walking by his side, matching his stride as she listened in on what she was talking to her partner about. She swooned about how heroic and brave he was (which Lucy found rather ironic, considering he hadn’t actually done anything once she had held him back), which was met with little acknowledgement from Natsu. His lack of reaction did little to deter her, though, and she continued to chatter on and on, leaving no space for anyone else to join in the "conversation".

Lucy knew it wasn't right for her to be resentful of her; she hadn't done anything wrong, after all, Natsu didn't belong to her; there was no agreement between them that they were anything more than friends, but seeing her openly swoon over and flirt with him made her sick.

She didn’t want to admit why it made her feel that way, but there was really no denying her feelings for much longer.

Lucy was well and truly jealous.

Natsu hadn’t said a word since the attack, but he had seemingly loosened up from his ill-temper, his hands now resting behind his head as they walked, and Lucy selfishly decided that maybe it was because she was there next to him.

She glanced over at him, and seemingly noticing her gaze, Natsu looked back at her and flashed her a grin before returning his gaze to the path in front of them. Seeing it for the first time in days made her heart ache in the best kind of way. She had to look away before that stupid smile of his made her want to do something stupid herself.

Suddenly she didn’t mind so much that the daughter of their client had her arms wrapped around his waist, because at the end of the day, she wasn’t the one eliciting smiles like that out of him. The air of awkwardness still lingered slightly as silence befell all but Natsu’s admirer, but Lucy had decided she wasn’t going to let that bother her anymore.

When nighttime had rolled around once more, Lucy found herself sitting out beside the flickering flames of their campfire, her legs held up to her chest and her chin resting on her knees as she looked up at the stars through the gaps between the leaves. While today had gone better than the one before it, she really couldn’t wait for all of this to be over and for everything to go back to normal. Or at least, that’s what she told herself.

Was she even satisfied with their "normal" anymore? She had let herself be content with the way her and Natsu’s relationship was, but seeing someone else in such intimate, close proximity with him was starting to make her realise that that was what she wanted. She wanted to be the one attached to his arm, their fingers intertwined as he swayed their arms together while they walked. She wanted to be with him through everything, both the good and the bad, and to feel his hand squeeze hers in a way that said, "It’s okay. I’m with you. I love you."

Wait…

Love?

Where had that come from?

Sure, she loved Natsu, but in the same way she loved all her friends. She loved Natsu just like she loved Happy, and Gray, and Erza, and Wendy, but she wasn’t in love with Natsu.

Was she?

Before she could let that thought consume her, she was distracted by the little pitter-patter of their exceed friend’s footsteps approaching her.

"Hm? Happy? Why are you still awake?" she inquired, her head cocked to the side.

"Natsu snores," he stated, matter-of-factly, and almost as if on cue, Natsu let out an all-too-familiar snore.

Lucy let out a short laugh at his answer: many times she had fallen victim to it on nights where she was unfortunate enough to fall asleep after him, so she sympathised with his grievances.

She unfurled herself from her coiled-up position, repositioning herself so her legs were stretched in front of her, inviting Happy to sit in her lap—a request he eagerly took advantage of, quickly joining her to curl up in her lap.

"I don’t like her," Happy said, his voice hushed so no one, aside from maybe their very much asleep teammate could hear.

Perhaps it made her selfish for Lucy to find reassurance in his statement; Natsu and Happy had always been attached at the hip, and they practically shared the same brain. They may not have shared the same opinions on everything, but it was generally safe to assume that if Happy wasn’t fond of someone, Natsu wouldn’t be either.

It’s not like she had expected Natsu to pursue a romance with this random girl they had met only days prior, or anyone else for that matter, but even the thought of it caused her to feel uneasy. She wasn’t his girlfriend, and he wasn’t her boyfriend; they just shared a deep emotional bond that others often perceived as romantic, but that’s all it was: a perception. There was no agreement, no dates, no vows, no "I-do's." There was nothing that tethered him to her beyond their friendship, so she had no say over his love life, but the thought of him spending his life with another woman felt wrong to her. The only woman she wanted to see him commit himself to until the end of his days was her.

"I think that Natsu deserves someone really special," Happy continued, "someone who can keep up with him, someone who’s going to take care of him."

There was something that remained unspoken in his words, but he didn’t need to say it for Lucy to understand.

Natsu deserves you.

"Thank you, Happy…"

The silence that had befallen them was broken when Happy let out a long yawn as he stretched himself out on her lap.

"Time for bed?" she suggested, giving him a gentle scratch behind the ear.

He nodded lazily in response, spurring Lucy to gather the snoozing cat up in her arms and carry him back to his tent.

When she poked her head into the boys’ tent, Natsu and Gray were both, unsurprisingly, sprawled out on the floor, limbs overlapping one another as though they had both been knocked out in a fight (and knowing them, she really couldn’t rule out the possibility). She set Happy down next to Natsu, who instinctively wrapped his arm around his buddy when he snuggled into his side, and Lucy couldn’t help the soft smile that overcame her at the scene. Upon her exit, she quietly zipped up the door so as not to disturb its sleeping occupants before she heard Happy call out to her.

"See you tomorrow, Lushheee…"

"Yeah," she breathed, "see you tomorrow."

Knowing today would be their last on the job had Lucy even more excited than the promise of payment at the end. Sure, she would have her money, but even better, she wouldn’t have to endure her new form of self-torture by questioning her relationship with her best friend. Once they had dropped off their client’s daughter, the group dynamic would go back to the way it always was, and she could stop overthinking about what it would be like to hold his hand, to rest her head on his shoulder, to feel his skin sear against her own.

She squeezed her eyes shut to rid her mind of that thought before planting her gaze squarely on her feet in front of her. She could hear their client’s daughter chatting away, just as she had been the past two days, but Lucy didn’t want to look at it; didn’t even want to think about it. Right now, it was just her against her brain, trying not to think about why exactly seeing it made her upset.

They had left early, and the last stretch would only take them half a day of walking, which Lucy was beginning to feel infinitely more thankful for.

As they passed over the hill, a large town slowly came into view, and she couldn’t help the sigh of absolute relief that escaped her upon seeing their destination. Lucy took in the sights of their destination as they escorted the carriage through the streets to their drop-off point at the port on the other side of the city. It was a sweet little town and a welcome change of scenery from the two and a half days of non-stop forestry she had endured. Despite that, all she really wanted right now was to be back home and recover from the emotional turmoil this job had put her through with a nice long bath.

Their approach had captured the attention of a middle-aged-looking man, whom she could only assume to be their client based on the way he was waving for their attention and the resemblance between him and the girl who was currently attached to Natsu’s arm.

Even through all the treacherous and life-threatening jobs she had endured over the years, Lucy had never felt more thankful for a job to be over.

She found herself hanging out of the way with Gray and Happy while Erza spoke to their client, Natsu begrudgingly at her side, having been dragged over by their clients’ daughter.

"You’ve been a great help," the man smiled as he handed over their allotted payment (thankfully in full), "and thank you for ensuring that my dear daughter made it back safely as well."

"It’s our pleasure," Erza nodded, "thank you for entrusting your goods to our care."

His daughter, on the other hand, seemed less excited upon her arrival, still attached to Natsu’s side, looking weary at the prospect of him leaving.

"Oh Natsu~" she began, her hands clutched to her chest and a dreamy look in her eyes, "why don’t you stay here with me? That way, we can always be together~"

Natsu remained unphased by her proposal, his hands held behind his head as he mindlessly kicked his leg back and forth.

"Nah, sorry, but I’ve already promised that to someone else," he replied casually, "plus, I gotta stick with Lucy, make sure she doesn’t get herself into trouble."

Her shoulders slumped over at his response, eyes now trained to her feet as she stood in silence for what seemed like the first time since they had embarked.

"Oh… well…" she mumbled, "thank you for escorting me home…"

He acknowledged her thanks with a curt nod before turning on his heel when Erza approached him so the two could join the rest of their team to begin the long journey home. Before they could get too far, the familiar voice called out to them from behind.

"Goodbye Natsu! And- and goodbye everyone else!"

As soon as Natsu and Erza joined them, Lucy felt an arm slung around her shoulder, pulling her closer to his warm body. When she looked over, she was met with Natsu beaming at her as though he hadn’t seen her in days, even though they had technically been together the entire time.

"Hi," she greeted softly.

"Hey!" he replied, none of his enthusiasm waning.

All of the anxieties and bad feelings that had built up in her mind over the past few days slowly began to melt away in his presence, and she felt her entire body relax into his hold. This is what she had been craving—to feel him, his presence, his touch—not even in a romantic way. Natsu was her best friend, the beginning and end of everything good in her life, and just being by his side was privilege enough.

Now that they were alone, she felt herself loosen up, feeling comfortable enough to gently tease him about the whole scenario.

"So, you're not going to run away with the love of your life today?" She asked in a teasing tone.

"Nah, not my type," he shrugged, his voice solemn in response.

"What? Since when did you have a type?" She gawked, looking into his eyes to try and find some shred of evidence that he was just joking around with her, but his gaze remained dead serious.

He looked at her as though she had grown a second head before saying, "You didn’t know?"

Having gained this new information, she could only sit there and stare at him, mouth agape. She didn’t even realise that he could even be physically attracted to someone, let alone have a "type", but here he was, acting like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Geez, you’re kinda dense," he mumbled, "weirdo."

Wh- Her? Dense?

If anything, he was the dense one! She had been crushing on him for months now, and it wasn’t like she had exactly been subtle about it, but he never seemed to acknowledge that anything in her behaviour had changed.

"I am not dense," she ardently defended.

"Sure, sure," he brushed off, ready to move on to the next topic. "You’re pretty crappy at pickin’ out jobs Lucy."

Her first instinct was to jump to her own defence once more, but if she was being honest with herself, she couldn’t exactly disagree with him on this one.

"Well, it wasn’t exactly my best choice…" she murmured.

"Which is why you’re not allowed to pick out a job for the next three months!" Natsu declared.

"Aye!" Happy agreed, a little too enthusiastically for Lucy’s taste.

"You’re not supposed to agree with him, you stupid cat!"

While she had grown to enjoy Happy’s friendly companionship over the past few days, she secretly welcomed the return of his snarky remarks because it meant that finally things were going back to the way things should be.

"You're usually quick to complain when you don't like a job," she pointed out, "so what was different this time?"

"Yeah well, I didn’t wanna piss her off or anything," he shrugged, "otherwise, I woulda had to put up with you complaining about losing out on some reward money the whole way home."

Even though he may have used it as an excuse to get a jab in on her, his words sent her heart racing just a little faster. And to think, this whole time she had been stressing out over seeing another girl practically hanging off his arm, when the only reason he tolerated it in the first place was to make her happy.

"You did that… for me?"

He tilted his head and gave her that look again, like she had just said something completely outrageous.

"Course I did," he said, "did you hit your head or somethin’? Is that why you’re being so weird today?"

Not bothering to acknowledge his thinly veiled insult, Lucy wrapped her arms around him, an action that was quickly returned by Natsu as though it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Thank you, Natsu," she murmured into his chest, "that really means a lot to me."

"Oh uh- yeah, no problem, Lucy," he mumbled, clearly taken off guard by her sudden sappiness.

When she finally pulled away, her gaze was once again met with that goofy smile of his that she was certain could cure her of any emotional ailment.

"Are you guys done having your moment?" Gray interrupted, "‘Cause if you are, we’ve got another three days of walking ahead of us, so let’s get a move on."

A deep flush crossed Lucy’s face when she realised that her little emotional moment had held up the rest of their team, and she mumbled a quick apology as she lightly jogged over to join the two. Natsu followed close behind, catching up to her so they could walk shoulder to shoulder, savouring the feeling of closeness to her after being deprived of it for much too long.

Lucy was content to walk in a comfortable silence with him, just enjoying having him there and knowing that they would have all the time in the world to talk. Natsu however, didn’t seem to share in her feelings, quickly finding himself filling the silence.

"You’re walking too slow, Lucy," he complained.

"I’m walking at the exact same speed you ar-ah!"

Natsu left her no time to rebut, throwing his heavy pack over her shoulders before lifting her up onto his back, eliciting a frightened squeal from Lucy as she suddenly found herself instinctively clinging to his neck as he hoisted her up to adjust his grip on her legs.

"Natsu!" she squealed, as he began to dash ahead of their teammates, earning them baffled stares from the townspeople as they passed them by.

Despite her half-hearted protests, he continued to run, with Happy chasing behind them as the trio broke into a fit of giggles. His speed had her slipping from his grasp slightly, leading her to grip onto him even tighter and bury her face in the back of his neck until he could pull her back up.

Being back by his side, holding onto him, feeling his entire body shake as he laughed with such infectious joy was all the reassurance she needed. Any doubts she might have had about her place in his life were washed away as he whooped and howled in delight through his antics.

It was always going to be them.

[ofliterarynature]

AUGUST 2023 WRAP UP

[ loved liked okay no thanks DNF (reread) bookclub*]

Witch Week | A Perilous Undertaking | 2 AM At the Cat's Pajamas | The Last Sun | The Lives of Christopher Chant | The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo* | (The Angel of the Crows) | The Enchanted April | The Art of Prophecy | A Curious Beginning | Q's Legacy | The Grimoire of Grave Fates | Charmed Life | Ocean's Echo | (Band Sinister) | (Unfit to Print) | Camp Damascus | Wanted, A Gentleman | Translation State | The Mistress of Bhatia House

I’m late I’m late I’m late! Oops

It’s only a month late, right? ‘Only’ lol, work has been exhausting! Anyways:

At this point I wonder if Ann Leckie can ever do wrong, Translation State was good! I was completely enthralled, which is all I ask, even if I don’t get as passionate about it as the main trilogy.

I continued the KJ Charles reading, with these supposed stand alones that are also kind of related? Honestly it’s no less of a stretch than Society of Gentlemen to Lilywhite Boys, so I don’t know why she can’t officially list them together. Anyways, mostly fine, and Band Sinister is still a delight!

Camp Damascus…I’m thrilled for Chuck, really, and I think he’s a delight to follow, but this one wasn’t for me. Religious trauma is turning out to be a hard no.

Ocean’s Echo was good! In some ways I definitely thought it was better than Winter’s Orbit - miscommunication is the worst I’m sorry, this story was more consistently engaging! I just like the characters from WO a bit more.

Chrestomanci! I’ve been going by the suggested reading order on Goodreads, and while I wasn’t particularly enthused by Charmed Life, once I had a grasp on the world the other books have been fun! Im very sad this might be my last DWJ, as I seem to have exhausted my library’s collection of her audiobooks :(

Grimoire of Grave Fates had a really interesting premise that lured me in, despite my reservations - an anthology where all the stories work together to solve the mystery of a murder at a magic boarding school? I thought it worked fairly well (and could definitely spin itself out into a series of novels), but just ok for me. Maybe one day I’ll finally concede I can’t read YA or boarding school books anymore.

Q’s Legacy was the last (I think) of the 84 Charing Cross Road books, and honestly the worst. It had its interesting moments, but it lacked the cohesion of the other two, speed,-running the before and during of those stories, to then spend the second half on the adaptations. It was not at all what the descriptions led me to expect. Maybe worth a single read but not a revisit.

I will also be honest, I didn’t really like the first Veronica Speedwell! The plot felt a bit contrived, and Veronica was so blunt as to almost read as rude or mean. Also very unexpectedly…clinically horny? Does that make sense? I’m not quite sure what prompted me to continue, but I’m now several books in and enjoying it! To be blunt myself, the historic setting is just set dressing, the plots can feel contrived, the mysteries are mediocre, but the real draw is the Veronica and Stoker show once they get themselves settled in and comfortable with each other. It’s a hoot.

I’d heard good things about The Art of Prophecy, but I still didn’t know quite what to expect going in. It was wonderful. Maybe a little long, but if you’re looking for a fantastic fantasy with lots of fight sequences, no romance, and some fascinating characters, this is a great read. The sequel comes out soon and I can only hope it doesn’t take as long for my library to get the audiobook as it did for this one.

I don’t know where I first found An Enchanted April, but it’s been on my TBR for a little bit, and I thought it would be the perfect fit for my classics challenge I gave myself this year! It wasn’t what I expected at all - it’s entirely character driven and very focused on their flaws, and the entire first half I thought I was going to hate it. But the second half, there’s a twist, almost, born of some very  naïve optimism that nonetheless works out. Very improbably, but I was happy for them, you funky little weirdos. 

What can I say about The Angel of the Crows except that it is still very good! It’s maybe lost a little of the shine it held when I got obsessed with it for a few months last year, but it is definitely now one of my comfort books. I really ought to read more canon Holmes though lol.

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo was, to be fair, one of my suggestions for book club. It was OK, but there were definitely parts that really did not work for me, the frame narrative in particular. The other members of the club really liked it but I don’t have any plans to read more of the authors work.

I’m almost tempted to put The Last Sun last just so I can yell more. I’d heard such good things about this series, but turns out my expectations were a bit skewed - it is not historical or secondary fantasy world, oops. So we got off to a bit of a rough start, not to mention all of the Capital Words. Not usually a good sign. And while I still wouldn’t say I love the worldbuilding necessarily, or that these are the next great work of fantasy, the action is really great, and the characters are flipping fantastic. You’ve got a pair of 30 year olds who are bad ass fighters, have a traumatic past, are immature assholes, can be so so kind, and accidentally adopt a posse of troubled teenagers? Sign me up, I love them, this reminds me so much of my days reading tons of Teen Wolf fanfic AUs.

My history with 2 AM At the Cat's Pajamas is that they cannot stop recommending this thing on the Book Riot podcasts. When I found a copy at Goodwill, I thought surely it’s meant to be! Well. It was not bad, but it was not great. I don’t know. It just wasn’t for me and I will not be keeping my copy. I probably should have DNF’d it, but I continued in hope.

Only one actual DNF this month though, The Mistress of Bhatia House - the newest Perveen Mistri book. I was actually fairly excited for it despite my reservations about the earlier books, but I hit a mental roadblock with this one. There was some contrived feeling tension with her sister-in-law, but really, I realized that one of my main problems with this series is that, despite being in a very precarious social position, Perveen is just incredibly reckless - usually in the name of doing good! - but it just hit all the wrong nerves at the moment. I’m hoping there will be a better time to read this, but not right now. 

[blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda]

iwtv ep 1 rewatch thoughts

[i am eating Popeyes right now and i promise didn’t plan it this way, but seeds were planted so here we are.]

first things first we [the viewers] are introduced to our two time Pulitzer Prize winning professor Daniel Malloy. We all come to this course with a variety of understandings of the topic just like in any other course. Right off the bat he’s telling us of his expertise in a pervious recording and at the same time we witness his visible skepticism of his own claims in the more nuanced present setting. if you think he’s the only reliable character it’s very much being challenged in the first few moments, which i’m sure has been pointed out many, many times.

he flips the channel there’s a war happening (clue about where we’re at in terms of timeline?? idk. i’ve only engaged with AMCverse so maybe?) and flips it again and the fantastical is going to become a reality. he just has to put the pieces he doesn’t have together so he sits down to do a puzzle (a devils minion easter egg apparently) and he’ll get those pieces by accepting the extended invitation sent to him by none other than Louis de Pointe du Lac, which picks up from his mail box after trying to fit missing pieces together. very solid intro.

Daniel: Why get any closer to the bug than i need to?

he says before he gets on an international flight and exposes himself to countless risks. It’s what he does tho right? i’ve seen a couple sc of the books where he describes Armand as looking like an insect. he is not put off by getting close to perceived bugs. Its funny tho as he’s asking the question, he’s unboxing the answer—louis’ handwritten invitation—as to what would be worth risking your life for right above the devils minion easter egg.

-bc the bug has been following your career (like the way armand followed him yes?) and you like that

-bc the bug wants you and has invited you and you are a risk taker in the ways an investigative journalist has to be to get to the story/truth. in a way a man who refused to face his mortality chooses to be as pointed out by the lovely tumblr user blueiight here (hope it’s okay that i linked you. lmk)

Louis definitely clinging to threads of the past. in 2020 he’s sending hand written letters (on papers with Lestat’s initials) instead of emails and original cassette recordings instead of digital recordings. A lot if not all of his threads to humanity are threads to the past (“in my day” old headass) since right now he seemingly doesn’t really have any connection to humanity in the modern time. being an out of touch billionaire will do that to you, on top of being a century old vampire.

I think thats another evil that gets overlooked when some of y’all are looking for “he’s just as bad” reasons to pin on him. Instead of the imaginary he bit claudia before bringing her to Lestat…like…in addition to his pimping he’s literally a billionaire. like its right there. that encapsulates the worst ways to exist in this world. he the manpire of humanity as well like…

which i guess is goes into the many faces of violence that fade to the background and don’t get called out enough. violence isn’t alway brutality and i noticed just this past couple of days people only see violence when it’s in tandem with brutality, but im not about to sit here and lecture y’all cause that’s not at all fun. and thats why im doing this. bc its fun. i just think this show does a wonderful job of showing the spectrum of violence and evil and i think you do a great disservice to what they have done here if you’re only seeing those things from one angle. and i think thats one of the reasons why so many people struggle with Lestat and don’t appreciate how masterfully (no pun intended) he’s been crafted bc you don’t recognize those things [violence and evil] anywhere else in the story as being as bad.

if thats Daniels box of the past he doesn’t have much kids stuff, just a pink stuffed animal and a bike helmet, so i wonder how much of his kids lives he’s really missed. Like it doesn’t even seem like there was a joint custody situation where they spent a great deal of time at his home as well. idk maybe he has things in storage. but i’m curious about that and how that parallels with how louis let his own child down as has been pointed out.

ngl he look tf good while he listening back to this tape 😩😅 someone zoomed in on his muscle flexing when he pressed play and i just want to say to you i agree wholeheartedly with you whoever you are.

he mad tho. snatched that letter up quick after pausing the tape. 😂

He dives into the (possible) eternal sunset on a highway that looks like water.

If this is a way to get Lestat’s attention, which I think it can be said is a part of why this second interview is happening given the papers Louis chose to write the invitation on, I think its very pointed that Louis is introducing himself as a keeper of knowledge considering one of his (possible*) final moments with lestat as pointed out here.

one of the last things Lestat ever did before he was poisoned, had his neck sliced, and was dumped in a garbage yard to feed on rats, was humiliate Louis about his love of books and claim the role of the knowledge keeper in their family. I think its a very pointed message that this is a book (especially with all the mediums available in 2020), of course Louis loves books, but also Lestat has beef with books lol (Between Gabrielle and Louis). If there’s anyway to get a rise out him (hehe) its a book where Louis is identified as the knowledge keeper of the immortal life Lestat gave to him. and it’s written by a savory inferior as well. louis could have written the book himself. God knows he has the skill, time and the access to do it so that was intentional. Lestat gone drop through the ceiling of the dubai penthouse in a rage.

*possible final moments bc we don’t know yet if Louis has seen Lestat since Paris etc. etc. which i think he will see him in paris bc of Rolins “can’t burn him twice” comment, but i’m open to being wrong.

i haven’t pointed out anything that hasn’t been discussed extensively, but this is a verrryy solid opening introduction to the show. right off jump they established this to be a well crafted episode.

i need yall to know right now that as we go forward in this episode i cannot be held accountable for who i become when faced with brown eyed louis’ fine self. you’ve seen it yourselves please don’t hold this against me!!!! i am not god’s strongest soldier! i am weak at the knees! i will buckle! i will fold!

[obsoleteozymandias]

hi its me again ^^; requesting for a twst matchup pls!!

im an introvert, usually very quiet and calm and rather hard to provoke at times. i'm easily irritated and lack patience with people who don't really think things through (though i grow warm over time as i grow tolerant in SOME cases). im very loyal and reliable as told by my friends and act similarly to a nagging aunt of sorts?? i'm rational and rather stubborn in the things i do but i relent depending on the severity of things. im also quite petty in certain cases.

i've been told it's easy to be around myself as a person, and people are really comfortable to be themselves in my presence. generally, i'm very blunt since i don't know how to phrase my words any better and some people (& even friends) at times, take the things that i say the wrong way without meaning to. i tend to get along with most people as long as they deal with the same mutual respect back. im also terribly sassy at times and tends to double down when truly necessary.

i'm rather sarcastic and tend to tease a lot out of the fun of it. it's really easy to get me flustered, especially with flirts because the first thing i'd do is laugh and try to get out of there as soon as possible 😭 i think use both my words and actions equally since i (usually) follow up with what i say. i have tendencies to be a people watcher and observe people going about their day.

i wouldn't really consider myself the most passionate or enthusiastic person either but i really enjoy listening to those who have one. really makes me happy to see people enjoy the things they do. in a sense, i like when people have the things that i lack (energy, passion etc) i just love seeing it A TON. at times, i also have trouble in wording the things that i want to say so it ends up falling flat at times. so i wouldnt say im the most persuasive person either. i tell corny jokes and i rarely give in compliments unless i think its worth it.

appearance wise, i'm about 5'4 and on the chubbier side of things. i have brown skin, really dark brown eyes and 4B black hair. i have small hands and lots of moles on my body but specifically i have 1 on each cheek. as for interests im really into anything that interests me since i get bored easily. most things that catch my attention are typology, videogames, music and gardening. im also learning to play the bass guitar as well. hope that you have a good night/day!!

Fun fact: if you send me more than one request you are automatically subscribed to my premium, wherein you get these stupid little blurbs of my thoughts before my writing. 

== Twisted Wonderland ==>

I match you up with…

Rook Hunt

Rook is almost your worst nightmare when you first meet him. He’s flirt whose passion for beauty is so overwhelming you can’t stop laughing purely to try and escape the awkwardness of the situation. 

But this man doesn’t stop once he sees the flush on your face - no no no, he’s enamoured. What a lovely color!

That changes when you snap at him - irritated by his flirting and a little more overwhelmed. And then he falls head over heels. Your feisty personality that was hidden under your shy and introvertedness is showing, and he LOVES it. 

He’s at your side, always. He’s walking around to classes with you. He’s bringing you lunch, he’s giddy whenever you chastise him or act like an aunt. 

And when you tease him back? He’s over the moon. 

He asks you out in the most over the top way, and you’re just as in love as you are flustered. 

You enjoy his passion for the world around him, and his energy. He’s so full of life and love and whether he spends his time making flirty remarks to you or intelligent predictioins about the people around you, it’s all just as fun to witness.

And you two spend quite some time watching people together.  

And for as much as he worships Vil, he adores you on another level. 

[bitchlessdino]

guilty pleasure pt.2

Pairing: Jihoon x f!reader x Mingyu

Genre: smut, some plot

Word count: 3.3k

Tags: mingyu and reader pov, siatuationship!mingyu awkward moments, producer!woozi, dumb banter, subby gyu, ma'am, choking (giving)

Summary: You know what’s shittier than liking someone taken? Liking someone taken by your best friend.

author note: im so tired yall, why does life get so busy like this? Anyways hello! I'm glad you guys are enjoying the series so fair. Im unsure how many chapters there will be but expect more as we move along w the plot. And sound off any thoughts you may have.

Chapter list

Mingyu couldn’t get enough of you. You hardly gave him the time of day the first time he laid his eyes on you, but the chase was absolutely worth it. Adorned with that tight outfit, hugging your body like a second skin, you were all he thought about that night. He was lucky enough to have met you through your mutual friend group, but unlike every other friendly face, you didn’t even show the slightest interest.

Mingyu got what he wanted most of the time and was well aware of the fact, so he was taken aback by your aloofness and failure to recognize the effect he had on every other man, woman, or nonbinary person that night. When he reaches over to graze your hand to retrieve his drink purposely, you pull away. When he tries to lean in close to talk to you over the loud music, you ask the friend next to you to translate. 

You really made it your life’s mission to ignore him at every given opportunity. He then realized his goal tonight was not to get you to sleep with him, but instead, he had hoped to achieve your respect.

“Hey.”

You glaze over him like you did every time he called out to you. “What’s up?”

“You like music? Like good music.”

You furrow your brows, “What’s good music to you?”

“None of this over-produced, over-remixed, club shit. Some good fucking music.”

Your interest was slightly piqued the first time that night, slipping the remaining contents of your watered-down drink. “I guess.”

“This probably might raise some interest for you then. I actually have an interesting collection back in my place–”

“Wow.” You exclaim in feigned disbelief. “That’s all you got? You think you can just win me over with some self-produced music that’s probably shit?”

“Yeah, but,” his lips slightly ghost over your ear, “aren’t you the slightest bit of interest in finding out if it’s actual shit like you think it is?”

You scoff. “No. Should I be?”

He shrugs, glad to finally get that smile’s first appearance. “The worst that could happen it sucks. And if it does, I’ll grant you access to kick me in the balls.”

You guffaw at his offer, almost spitting up your drink. You set it down at the high table, luckily finished, and turn to give Mingyu something that gave him a glimmer bit of hope. “You really can’t stop thinking about me, can you?”

A very flirty way to ask, ‘Are you really that desperate to get my pants?’ Things were heading in the right direction finally.

“Maybe I just know you’d appreciate some good music.”

Whatever he did seem to have worked enough to convince you to follow him back to his place. You sit back on the well-worn couch and wait for the man of the hour to come back with a laptop you assumed was his and a set of Bluetooth earbuds to share. You peer over at the screen as he handed you the right piece and you notice the unfamiliar name. 

“I thought your name was Mingyu. Who’s Woozi?”

The taller man chuckles, putting the left ear in and seats beside you. “Just about the most talented person I know.”

“Your friend? What are you, his publicist? You get girls to come back to your place and get them into his music as a marketing ploy?”

He laughs, “No, but that is a pretty ingenious method of getting people to listen. I’ll take that idea into consideration.”

He makes sure your earbud is in place, lingering in your personal bubble momentarily. He taps the space bar to play the track. When the studio plays out, you are immediately drawn in by the smooth and alluring introduction. A man’s voice plays in the background, somewhat soft yet powerful. It's addicting how he hit several notes effortlessly while singing about what you could only assume to be sex. It was actually listenable.

“Not bad, good even.” You turn to him with a grin, a corner of the lip slightly higher than the other. “Your balls are safe for tonight.”

He chuckles, drawing attention to the attractive canines that completed his smile. 

“Wasn’t even worried for a second.” So he says, one hand cupping over his crotch. 

You cover your mouth the suppress the little giggle from escaping you and then you lock contact with his pretty brown eyes. Perhaps it wa steh fact you were listening to music for with him and without notice for around 10 minutes or so, but time felt still and this “Mingyu” felt alright. 

You managed to avoid him all night under the concern of waking up in some random guy's bed, but maybe this time it wouldn't be so bad, at least not with him. He didn’t seem like such a bad guy, despite the fact he's been trying to get your attention all night. You could do worse.

When you first kiss that night, you made the first move against your better judgment, immediately melting in the plush feeling of his lips. When Mingyu pulls away, the sensation of his fleeting lips lingered against yours. You see how he places a finger on them and scoffs in disbelief. “I thought you weren’t the type to fall for this kind of stuff.”

“So you admit it was a way of picking me up,” you point out.

“…I have no smart response for that.”

“Then just follow through with your plan.”

You reunite with his lips, hand settling with his chest. Shifting more comfortably, his hands naturally found the shape of your waist. The music still plays in your ears, having you both making out to the beat of electric guitar. You feel his smile, his hair pushing a lose strand of yours away and his gripps get tighter as his lips moved loser.

Having sex to music wasn’t anything rare for you, but the intimacy of the two of you being the only ones able to listen to Woozi playing was admittedly arousing on a different level.

Mingyu with his gorgeously aesthetic body and limitless stamina fortunately did not disappoint you that night. His hands wrapped around your body felt like pure heat and animal instinct. He rocks himself into your core with no hesitation and you reciprocate with the reward of hearing his name from your lips. 

His growls resonate in your ears despite the music, embracing you from behind. His lips aggressive and hungry engorges the skin of your neck, hips thrusting deep and hard into your bottom. He feels right, he feels comfortable, and some reason pliable, like he’d do anything you would’ve wanted that night.

When both climaxes came, yours before his which was always a good sign, he offers you to stay the night. Reluctantly, you accept his offer, giving him a gracious smile, covering the bits and pieces of yourself for most of the rest of that night. Mingyu couldn’t help but smile, feeling beyond the sense of pride or relief that he usually got with the accompanionship of a stranger Tonight he couldn't help but feel something he couldn’t exactly put his finger on. Joy, perhaps.

“Would you want to do this again?” He asks, hope settling in the pit of his stomach.

“We literally met today,” You rest your head on a propped up arm, “Plus you don’t seem like the type to get into anything deeper than hookups.”

He sighs, slightly offended by your answer but decidedly responds in a way without revealing so, “We can just to get to know each other. Nothing serious. If that’s how you want things to be.”

You eyes daze over his naked body, glistening in his perspiration, chest heaving in anticipation, and that puppy dog look in his eyes that you couldn’t help but get momentarily lost it. You were always a dog person. You feel it for the first time in body, entrapped in the boyish charm that you missed out on initially.

“We’ll see in the morning, hmm? I can’t really think clearly right now,” you vulnerably confess.

A smile bridged his face, arms wrapping and tucking you inside his embrace. You take advantage of his advances and lay your head in his chest between his firm pectoral muscles, where it was admittedly homey and familiar. You could get used to this if you tried.

You were happy to drift off to sleep and wake up in those same arms the next morning. MIngyu seemed to sleep contently snuggling with you, but you worried whether the numbness appeared in those elephant trunk arms of his. You try gently prying him off, seeking refuge in that bathroom and finding yourself successful. Picking up whatever clothing you had on the ground and quickly covering yourself in it.

You escape the room with ease and turn into the common area where you lock eyes with a new character enjoying cereal by himself on the kitchen counter. He seemed quite solemn about your appearance and makes little to no effort to acknowledge you as you do to him initially since you beeline straight to the restroom. That couldn’t have been more awkward, you thought.

Having quickly freshen yourself up, you meet eyes with the stranger once again and instead of retreating to Mingyu’s room, you join him with a friendly smile. ”Hi…”

“Hey,” he greets still munching on what looks to be captain crunch, “Did you want some?”

“No, no. I’m good. I just thought it’d be rude to not say anything.”

“Cool.”

He’s not much of a talker, you realize, but end up taking the stool chair on the opposite end anyway, seeing as you’ve made it this far. “I’m guessing Mingyu’s done this a lot. You’re not surprised to see me.”

“Yeah…Your sex lives. I dont judge.”

You nod, grinning a smile that says, ‘well alright then.’

“Just in case I see you on the street or something, I’m Y/n.” God, please stop.

He nods. “Jihoon. His roommate.”

Your eyes grows twice his size. “Roommate, god that would’ve been some good information before i decided to stay over,”

He shrugs. “I’m used to it.”

“Well, if I can help it, I’ll try getting him out of the house or something.”

“You will?” He pauses.

“...Yeah. We’’re thinking of seeing each other.”

“...Hmm. Okay. That’s new.”

His tone comes off slightly dubious but not enough for it to come off offensive, you let the matter go. The tension breaks when the man of the hour leaves his bedroom in a lone pair of boxers, coming up to embrace you from behind. His lips nip at your ear and you can’t help but feel self-conscious of the other person there. His voices makes the hair on your shoulders stands as he whispers, “Morning gorgeous. Missed you in bed.”

“Thanks. Just ignore that I’m here, Gyu.”

Mingyu’s tone perks into something more peppy for his rather stoic roommate, grinning from ear to ear. “Jihoon! When did you come home?”

He didn’t seem the slightest bit bothered by the possibility of giving his roommate a free show, and you feel just a bit pity for the man. 

“I don’t know. One, two am? Reminds me I need to buy some travel noise cancelling headphones.”

The man, noticeably shorter than Mingyu, trods off to his room and leaving you and your nightly partner alone. That day marks the first of many awkward small talks and empty silences with Jihoon, a man of what you find to be of many surprises. One of the next few times you woke up in Mingyu’s bed, you greeted his roommate once again, seeing as he’s working something on the designated ‘Woozi’ labeled computer you remember Mingyu using the first time you came over and bring it up to his attention.

“You aren’t perhaps, the Woozi, are you?”

“...I am? You heard of me?”

You smile at him, finally something to pique some of his interest. “Mingyu showed me some of your stuff the first time we met.”

“Oh. sorry.”

Your eyes blow open, “No, no. Your stuff is really good. Lucky too, MIngyu would’ve gotten his balls knocked back into him if it wasn’t.”

You try holding back most of your laughter but fail and Jihoon joins you, sporting quite the attractive smile. “Honestly, sucks to miss out on that. It’d be funny to see Mingyu struck out for once. Literally.”

“Wow, you’re mean,” You comment back laughing.

“You’re the one that wanted to go through with it,” he retorts, a grin wide and apparent.

“I didn’t think the music would actually be bad, and if it was, I still wouldn’t!”

“Right…”

You were both laughing about five minutes before Mingyu joined the both of you, wondering what he’s missed and eventually there was this natural interaction between the all of you. It almost became routine. Mingyu and you had sex as often as possible with the days and time you had available and that meant you saw Jihoon as often as expected. It was like clock work how your dynamic became how it is. And if you were bing honest, You were as comfortable with Jihoon as you were Mingyu, if not more.

“I’m starting to think you use our bed creaking or voices in your songs without our permission,” You instigate one day. 

Jihoon snorts. “In what god’s name makes you believe that?”

“I see you almost all the time. It’s like you’re always here. Not that I’d mind though.”

You’re sitting next to him this time in Mingyu’s obnoxiously big t-shirt, sharing a brew of coffee that Jihoon decided to make for the day while he’s writing in that music journal of his. He looks at you unpleasantly, playfully offended by the accusation pointed toward him. 

“...Well, I’m not. That’s be perverse. Not that I need to defend myself, but I’m not.”

“Okay, then,” you tease.

“It may be hard to believe, but I have a life outside the both of you, you know.”

“You’re right, I don’t believe you.” You knock into his shoulder, giggling, only to see him roll his eyes back at you.

Jihoon is silently for a short time, and that silence falls in the between the lines of awkward again once he fakes a random cough. You hum back at him, sipping your coffee and wait for him to give a response. Instead, he lingers a little too long into his thoughts before he settles into a simple, “Fine…Believe what you want to believe.”

He’s quiet for the rest of that time before Mingyu finally joins us and you start to miss talking to him. Since that day those interactions started to die out, and you’ve wondered why. His conversations with you are alot more cut and less detailed. It hurt to be honest. Jihoon was refreshing and gave you insight that MIngyu couldn’t provide. Then again, Mingyu wasn’t awful company.

“God, you’re so big…”

You ride MIngyu’s hips like you were aiming for the blue ribbon. That confident side smile stretches over his cheeks feeling you clench around him marvelously. His hands find home on your breasts, feeling their soft and perfect they were in his grasps. You’d moan against his jaw, pressing kisses over his skin, making him shudder. 

“Fuck yes.” His hands travel down to your hips, guiding you to which suit him best, and you feel the jerk of his cock pump into you. 

You mewl over his intiative and run your lip messily over his. He clutches your frame with much desperation and moans in your mouth as you suck on his tongue. Your hands run through his bed hair, whining to the clap of your butt cheeks when Mingyu decides to get ‘playful.’ That’s when you try out one of the things you’ve discussed in the past. Your index and thumb presses on either side of his neck, squeezing just slightly and Mingyu just lets out a single breath.

“Mm…” he only says.

You had came enough times tonight and finally it felt like it was MIngyu’s turn to get fucked stupid. You had no complaints for teh arrangement you had with him so far. You squeeze on the base of his neck a little tighter along with another set of something clenching around him. “Yeah? You like that?”

“Mmh, yes…”

Your hips buckle faster, mouth ajar anticpatingly, the voice that leaves you sounding domineering as possible, “Yes, what?”

With a smile laced was ecstasy on his face, he answers. “Yes ma’am…”

“What a good boy. Should I let you cum, baby?”

He nods, aching to get that bit of breath from the small opening you’re allowing oxygen through.

“What have I told you about talking…I want to hear you, Gyu. Tell me how much you want to cum.”

“Please,” he says without a beat in between, “I want to come so bad…please…ma’am.”

You audibly moan, feeling his hips fuck in you faster, only fueling you more. “Yes, baby. Cum for me. You can cum.”

Your hand still around his neck, his eyes rolls back, his neck giving out and falling to his bedframe as the heat of his load vilolent spurts into his latex encased cock, weakly jerking back into you. His hand catches the back of your head and hold against the crook of his neck. You chuckle in the skin of his neck, running your lips over it.

“You’re amazing,” he finally says when let go of the chokehold.

You kiss him as thanks, smiling at him with dopamine still running through your body. “I’m going to the restroom. I’ll be right back.”

He nods, chastely kissing you back before letting you go. You hastily threw another shirt on, but don’t bother to get underwear. Leaving him a small smile, you close Mingyu’s door behind you and strut to the bathroom door where its starts opening on the other end. 

Startled, Jihoon faces parallel to you with wet strands of hair dripping down to his broad exposed shoulders. His tone arms were no surprise as you’ve seen (not stared) from the sleeveless muscle tees he occasionally sports. The tiny waist and sculpted torso, however, was more than enough to get that sex high to return.

Your eyes linger on each other for some time. His gaze scans you from top to bottom, your legs only being the thing to be apparent from your otherwise covered body, before he meets your eyes solemnly, lacking much of a reactive response. “Mind moving?”

“S-sorry, “ You step aside to take in his appearance. 

Only in a pair of gym shorts, Jihoon steps out of the bathroom, clutching a familiar article of clothing in his hand. “Isn’t that the shirt I borrowed?”

The tips of his ear turn noticeable pink, and a deafening silence resonates before he finally decides to respond. “Yeah, I took it with me thinking it was a clean shirt. I was gonna throw it in the wash.”

He clutches it harder in his grip for you to make out what looks like a dark wet stain. “Huh, okay. Thanks about that again by the way.”

“Yeah. bye.”

He trods off again but offers you a show without meaning to. With his incredibly delicious upper body down to the round thick ass to follow, you grew increasingly aware of the moisture between your legs. You were no better than any man.

You close the bathroom door discreetly behind you, images of Jihoon’s taken aback expression (which happened to be a normal amount of endearing) before showing off one of the godliest bodies you’ve ever seen on a human being. You swallow your own drool, hands creeping down to the arousal seeping out of your already lubed-up cunt, regretting not wearing that underwear now.

“What the fuck was that?”

[bropunzeling]

Perspective flip for Marriage Bets- what is Leon thinking when he picks Matthew up from the airport in Spain and in the cab on the way to the airport? That scene has so much! That scene is so much. I held my breath the entire time.

Leon can't remember the last time he felt this nervous.

It's been a while, certainly. Maybe not since the NHL awards a few years back, irrationally certain that the minute he had to give a speech -- if he won, that is; if he did have to give a speech -- he'd open his mouth and no one would understand him. Most of the time, he can work his way past any anxieties, can be sure that in the end, things will work out. He's a confident guy.

(Smug, he can hear Kim saying. An asshole, according to Davo or Zach or Tyson. But what do they know?)

Doesn't explain why the whole flight here, he stared out the window, chewing his lip, waiting for his stomach to settle long after they hit cruising altitude.

He tried telling himself that it can't be that bad. So maybe Matthew won't come. Maybe this offer was a mistake. Maybe things won't work out. If they don't, it can't feel as bad as how he felt back in the spring.

The day after they'd lost Game 1, the day after he'd blown Matthew off, he'd known he'd fucked things up. He'd woken up, rolled over in his Calgary hotel bed and checked his phone. As soon as he read his texts, it hit him, regret churning his stomach along with the lingering bitterness of the loss. It wasn't the first time something he's done in the heat in the moment has come back to bite him, but it may have been the worst.

He'd tried to fix it, approaching Matthew before the game. Texting him after. He'd wanted to explain himself. To say that even if he resented Matthew winning, even if he couldn't take Matthew's taunts and chirps right that second, it didn't mean he had wanted Matthew to leave him alone for good. That every day they went without talking felt like he'd missed a step in the stairs, like he'd been yanked off-balance. That he hadn't known how much he'd relied on hearing from Matthew until he fucked it up. That he missed Matthew -- not just the kissing, not just the sex, but his needling and his jokes and his inability to keep quiet for more than a minute.

Not that it had worked.

If the Calgary series had been bad, the series against Colorado had been worse. Leon had tried to concentrate on the hockey, but in between the shooting pain that went up his right leg every time it bore weight and the noted silence of his phone, it was hard to keep it together.

Then they got swept, and Leon didn't have to keep it together. All he had to do was say some bullshit to the media once they cleaned out, start up his rehab regimen, and figure out how on earth he can possibly make things right. Get some semblance of what they had been doing back.

And, for reasons Leon doesn't know and can't help feeling hopeful about, Matthew decided it was worth a try.

So. Here Leon is, waiting in the Malaga airport, trying not to crawl out of his skin as the arrivals board helpfully informs him that Matthew's flight landed eighteen minutes ago.

He scans the crowd. Checks the board again. Pulls out his phone. Rests his phone against his thigh. Scrubs at his beard, newly -- optimistically -- trimmed. Pulls out his phone again. Stares unseeingly at his home screen. There's a text from Kim, asking if his friend has shown up yet. He wishes he'd never told her anything.

"Leon?"

At first, Leon thinks he's imagined it. But he looks up, and there Matthew is. Tanned, smiling slightly; looking right at Leon as he weaves through the crowd.

A fist squeezes inside Leon's chest, clenching down until his breath catches. His pulse is ringing in his ears, the way it had when Matthew had texted him, im in; the way it had when Matthew had picked up the phone and said Leon's name for the first time in weeks.

Contrary to what his friends or his sister might say, Leon isn't stupid. Before, maybe he could have lied to himself, called it attraction or interest or even opportunism, told himself that it didn't mean a thing. Not now, though. Not when his heart is flipping over somewhere around his throat, just at the sight of Matthew a few meters away. There's no lying about this.

So he might be in love with Matthew Tkachuk. Well, that's -- he can figure out how to deal with that later. First, they need to get a taxi.

"Hey," Leon says. "You got everything?"

Matthew nods back, hoisting his bag a little higher. "Yeah. Good to go."

"Good," Leon replies. "We'll have to get a taxi. Come on, this way." He turns and heads for the doors, hoping his ears aren't too red. Matthew had looked pleased to see him, but what kind of pleased? Leon knows he should keep his expectations low, but it's hard to keep from hoping now that Matthew is here, really here.

He can't help glancing over his shoulder, just to check. Feels an embarrassing swoop of relief to find Matthew a step behind him.

In the backseat of the taxi, there's perhaps half a meter of space between them. For ten minutes, that half a meter is charged, crackling. Leon wants to reach across. He can't help thinking that if he touches Matthew, or if Matthew touches him, it's proof. Proof that they're here, proof that they want the same thing.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Matthew's hand fall into the middle of the seat. An opening.

Leon drops his own hand. Not quite close enough. He can feel the pull, a magnetic attraction growing stronger and stronger. The gap between them is only a centimeter wide.

On the next turn, Matthew slides his fingers until they cover Leon's own.

Leon inhales sharply. He almost feels dizzy. Here, now, is his proof. This can't just be a joke to Matthew. This can't just be a whim. Not with Matthew's fingers resting against Leon's hand. Not with his touch burning Leon's skin. Leon knows, is certain, that Matthew wants this -- wants Leon -- as badly as Leon wants him in return.

It's thirty minutes until they reach Marbella. Thirty minutes until Leon can push Matthew down onto the bed with white sheets, until he can watch the sun warm Matthew's skin and kiss the smile off his face, until he can show Matthew all the ways he's thought about him since May.

It might be the longest half hour of Leon's life.

[alhl444]

The Way They See Me

a good portion of the people in my life remember me dressed in black

they remember

blinds closed

shaky hands

one-word answers

half smiles

pale skin

deleted searches

transparent lies

my parents yearn for the days where i was dressed in white and bathed in the light but now that’s a photograph because i wandered into a store that sold clothes they knew nothing about

and

my

clothes

slowly

shifted

from

white

to

black

now, i find my old love for black clothes laughable because then, i adored and treasured those clothes and now, i try everything to erase the proof they were hanging in my closet in the first place.

i’ve changed and redressed a million times but most people only remember me for the

big bold glaring

colors that previously made up my wardrobe

i say most because the first genuine friends i’ve ever made found me dressed in gray.

and you know what?

gray is okay.

gray is where i’ll hopefully be for the rest of my life because i know that black is not erasable and remnants of that color have imprinted in the rest of my clothing.

but gray can be forgettable and it doesn’t have to make up the entirety of what i wear.

it blends in and it blends in with so many different colors

gray goes with purple earrings

sunsets

striking, confrontational individuality

laughing at a joke you’ve heard 7 times

falling in love with fictional characters

stupid fucking conversations at midnight that maybe aren’t that stupid

gray goes with blue shoes

controversially hard-driven ambition

your dogs smiling with their tongues hanging out

playing just dance and watching horror movies at 11 pm with your friends

finding cute things you’ll never buy

wanting to try every new thing you find

loving no specific genre of music but every one

screaming the words to your favorite songs

gray goes with yellow fucking shirts!!!

sunrises

baking cakes, cookies, muffins

smiling for no specific reason at all

taking nothing serious at times because life is too short

treating people with relentless kindness because you know that one word of compassion can flip someone’s life around

AND GODDAMN SMOOTHIE BOWLS

so every night i pray to the god i don’t believe in, that people know i own gray clothes but choose to focus on and care for my

purple earrings

blue shoes

and yellow fucking shirts

-obsessive bitch

[feral-cockroach]

warnings: mentions of christianity, trauma, religious trauma

living in the south and also in the path of totality of this eclipse AND being susceptible to religion-based psychosis has been fucking hell

the eclipse is in 2 days and i work customer service and an old fucking woman sat in the drive thru at my job and proseletized to me for literally ten fucking minutes about how the eclipse is a result of the stupid fucking queers and how the world is goijg to shit ad jesus is getting mad and how she hopes im ready for the rapture bc she is and the whole time shes keeping the Most Intense eye contact and im not allowed to shut the window on customers and ive had unfathomable amounts of sleepless nights being afraid that xtianity is true and im going to hell or that the rapture IS upon us and everyone i love is going to die and ive spent even more nights CONVINCED that the rapture was abt to happen or was actively happening and if i left my room/looked out a window i would see corpses stumbling past my house toward jesus and my mom would also go to jesus and jesus would look at me with so much scorn that he would literally melt my skin from my bones and condemn me to be alone for eternity

and it has taken YEARS to get over that trauma and fear and move on from those beliefs and i havet had an episode like that in ages but thats because i have made it a huge point of my lifw to avoid xtianity despite how prevalent it is here but if ever there was a trigger for it its this shit.

and she started the fuckinf conversation so innocently too she was like "are u ready for the eclipse? :) " ajd i was like "well i work that day so honestky not really" and then she launches into a speech ab how theyre letting kids out of school early and tons of places are shutting down early and how its for the best bc this is a sign of the rapture and its been so long since ive been around that kind of stuff that it took me aback so hard i literally took a half step away from the window and i felt like i was in church again.

fucking hate this place. and even when i get those intrusive tjoughts of how god or jesus hate me or think im unworthy and even if i did everything else right i would be condemned just for being queer i remind myself that thats not the teachings of jesus christ, thats the teachings of frauds who dont even know the book they use to beat others with. and if god would look at me, whos worst crimes are being queer and shoplifting from major corporations to help those that i love, and if he looks at me and decides i am less worthy of love and light and paradise than someone who was not queer and did not shoplift but did cause countless peoppe severe trauma and hoarded wealth and looked down on those different from him, and if he compares us and decides me to be worse by basis of queerness, then that is not a god that is worth worshipping. that is not a god worthy of godliness, of status, of power. that is just another man.

[midnightmah07]

Guess who's back, I am your best nightmare and worst dream 😈😈

"I love you, and I believe you love me." Kalim told Jeanne... No, he told himself that, he wanted to believe that, maybe if he believed that, she would as well.

The issue was her spiral thoughts spinning on her mind, she wanted to convince herself that she didn't fell the same towards him, after all the first reason she searched him for, was the money.

"You're quite wrong. This has been only an adventure to me." She says her confident was a sheep in wolf's clothing, simply not real. Jeanne would think she is toughth, she needs to feel it, to not surrender to her feelings.

"That isn't true, Jeanne."

"It is true. You smiled at me, I was flattered. It was an adventure for a holiday mood." It was a dicussion to see who wanted to giving in, giving of each other, giving of their ownselves.

"You may as well take my heart, Jeanne. It's already full of you. You walked into it the day we met." Kalim asks her and himself outloud. "You're best if I'm… What, isn't any man who falls in love? Do you know what you are to me? You're something to believe in again. You're a type of person that had ceased to exist for me. A fine and honest woman."

Shallowing the dry, her hands trembled against each other, she looked to the floor and back to him trying to remain her posture.

"Oh, Kalim, you're such a child. Take your foolish little dream in your heart and go. Please go." She feels him holding gently her wrist, such a warm heart touching moment... But, not yet, she can't simply accept it.

"What is it? What's wrong, my dear?" Worriedly he asks asks, even if Kalim already knew the answer for it.

"You know nothing about me. You've known me only three weeks."

"Jeanne, I've known you all my life."

"All your life?" She looks to him unsure, doubting his feelings, more than he did in the past. But, oh, did his eyes said it all.

"It's true. I've seen you in a thousand plays. Read you in as many books." He takes her other hand, hoping she would see how he sees. "When I've heard beautiful music, I've thought she'd like that." He gives a breathless chuckle, was she worth his money? Maybe. Was she worth him? That's a question where she can go on for hours... But, how can he stay away? "I've looked at flowers and known that one day I'd give them to you."

"Oh, stop, stop. You must listen to me. I'm not that woman. Perhaps I was once, but I'm not now." She looks to his eyes, seeing nothing but hope, pain and love, the strongest, yet the most weird... How can he still find her so endearing? "You see, you were wrong. You can't trust me."

(literally they are so dangerously yours' agnst coded, i love it)

STOP THIS MADE MY HEART BREAK INTO TINY PIECES IM DEVASTATED IM SO SAD

HOW DARE U MAKE ME CRY (pls continue) NEVER HURT MY BABIES AGAIN (pls hurt them actually I love seeing Jeanne x Kalim angst)

No pls whoever this guy from Dangerously Yours is he is SOOOOO KALIM CODED. Every single thing you pick for Kalim to say sounds exactly like what he would actually say to Jeanne, it's so them🥺

[rrxnjun]

(im really stupid but i hope u like this fanletter 😭)

hello <3 this is for my favourite writer on tumblr; to the the same writer who does not realise how much their works could mean to someone, the lovely @rrxnjun 🎀 !!!

so, i found your blog at the beginning ot this month– november, 2023, and now that the month's about to end, i have nearly finished reading all your nct works.

to me, this month is the most special one of this year. why? because i found your blog, your stories– some pieces of your mind. i found you through one of those nct fanfic recs, 'take the stairs - njm' being the first work i read from you. it was sweet, it made me happy. and then i read the other two parts of the 'simplify romance' series, which will always hold a special place in my heart.

this year has been the worst for me, with no one for me to lean on to, weird identify crisis shit, and losing myself in this tiring process of growing up. but you know what? you saved 2023 for me. when no one's words could speak to me, yours did. you make me feel a little less lonely.

im a silly teenager, who never read sad/mainly angsty stories before i found you because i was scared, i was confident i'd cry. and i did. i gathered the courage to read angst only because you'd written it, and it was so worth it. ive stayed up so many nights this month just to read your works in peace and privacy, hidden from my family, and then spend the days thinking about how you literally create art, and telling my bestfriends about it. you are blessed. you are phenomenal. no amount of thank yous or i love yous could be enough for me to express my gratitude. you've made me feel so at peace with my thoughts sometimes and you've made me feel like i'm not alone. you have magic in your hands. i owe you so much, i wish i could gift you something, but sadly im still a minor and theres a few years until i finish uni and then get a job, and then i promise i'll get you something, because i am so lucky to be able to read your stories for free. you deserve so much more than followers, likes and reblogs. each one of your fics have made me tear up and all of them are too special for me.

this month ive read all of your nct dream '00 line fics, and my favourite was 'happier than ever' which i finished a week ago— AND I SWEAR THAT FIC DESTROYED ME 😭😭😭 it had me bawling my eyes out for two hours on a school night i love it so so fucking much, i literally think about it daily and i told all my friends about it and im so in love with it, please tell me, for my inner peace that renjun and the reader ended up getting together and being fine because im gonna cry over it for the rest of my life IDC IF THEY DIDNT END UP TOGETHER please lie to me and tell me they did 💔💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i want you to know, and to remember this whenever you feel even a little like giving up— you have magic, bar, don't ever let go of that magic.

your stories make me want to heal and to help everyone heal. to be loved and to love everyone. to be cared for and care for everyone. your magic helps me survive my days with a little smile. thank you so much for everything you've done for me, without realising you're helping me live.

every single word i wrote here– i swear on everything i have, i genuinely mean it. you are the best thing that happened this year :) i hope that one day someone will love you as much as i love your blog.

(me when i talk about your work)

P.S. permission to take a screenshot of your blog and paste it to my scrapbook by which i can remember my teenage years that your stories mended, please?

thank you for reading, ily ❤️

- your biggest fan (hopefully no one's more dedicated!!) 💘

when i saw this in my inbox i got so emotional i couldnt reply immidiately because i genuinely wanted to sob. this is so so sweet and it mustve taken a long time to type out and i appreciate you a WHOLE lot, not only for this, but also for supporting me sm over the last month. :,)

take the stairs is a very sweet and fun fic and i am glad you found my blog through this one, haha. the simplify romance series holds my favorite fics and i PROMISE to finish jeno's entry at the beginning of the next year!! it HAS to be done. it means a lot to me that you took the time of your day to read my works and that you enjoyed them so much to let me know.

i am happy to hear that my work could help you through some hard times. as a reader on this platform as well, i do know that feeling very well and i could never imagine being that person to someone, but i am glad my words could be there for you when no one else could. hearing this makes all the effort feel worth it, and it's something i'll think of whenever im having a hard time with my work again. i also hope life is nicer to you in the future, and if you ever need someone, my inbox is always open.

having my fics be called art is something i never imagined could happen. it's beyond what i think about my work, but i am honored to hear this compliment, truly. despite being a writer i cant find the words to express my gratitude towards you and your supportive words right now >:( it does mean the whole entire world to me. please do NOT worry about "paying me back" or something, i do this because it's what i love doing and sharing my work with others makes me happy, so an ask like this is more than enough for me. you made me feel really appreciated and i will remember and treasure your kind words forever.

happier than ever is definitely a heavier read, since it's partly from personal experience, hh. i tend to project on renjun a lot so take this as a warning for my other renjun fics LMAO. TT this fic has a special place in my heart and hearing you talk so highly about it makes me all warm on the inside hhhhh my love langugage is words of affirmation stop this or ill cry. i enjoy leaving my fics open-ended to interpretation of the reader, so whatever you feels fits their story is how the story ends for you. <3

i will definitely use this ask as a reminder to not give up when i feel like doing so. it really brought me a lot of strength :) thank you for calling my writing magic. i never imagined someone describing it that way, but it does feel good to hear haha

knowing that my work helped somebody and made them heal and feel all sorts of emotions inside makes me feel at peace. thank you so much. SO much.

also u really make me want to bawl with that scrapbook comment. cant believe im an important part of someone's teenage years :((

once again, words cant express how much this means to me. thank you and i hope my fics continue to be a source of good things for you :) i will think of this often. ily

[obey-me-disaster]

Hey, its me, the anon who requested the choking kink shit.

I totally didn't just read it like two minutes ago and immediately try to think of something funny to say.

Btw thats some really good writing, even if its crack. Good job!

Anyways while im off to cry about graduation, lemme drop another pesky little thought here.

Mc cooks henry 2.0 to eat. Probably gonna share it with beel too. Leviathans gonna have to find another Henry to be his pet, or not.

Take that as you will. Thank you.

How does that even happen???

Tbh Beel wouldn't even need for that fish to be cooked, he would eat it raw. For the sake of making things worse, I am gonna change it to MC feeding Henry to Levi <3

I guess Leviathan x gn!MC???

TW:small description of panic attack on Levi's part

MC cooks Henry 2.0

"I swear I put that damned fish around here, it couldn't have grown legs and run off...I hope." Shaking their head to get the stupid image of a fish running away, MC closed not so gently, the freezer's door. They have planned to surprise Levi with a special dish he has been talking about from 'Food Fights' but they were missing the main ingredient, the fish.

They have bought the fish a few days ago and tried to hide it away, so none of the brothers could find it, but it seems their hiding spot was no match to a hungry Beel. None of the brothers cooked anything fish related, so the only resonable conclusion was that Beel ate the fish during one of his nights raids.

Putting their head in their hands MC couldn't help but let out a groan while racking their brain for a solution. "I've already set up and prepared everything else the dish might, I can't just put them away!" The whole situation was soul crushing. What was supposed to be a nice surprise turned into disappointment. "I can't just put them away while I go to buy a new fish, Beel might eat these ingredients as well." MC kept on whining about their situation, no longer trying to think of a solution.

"If only I could make a fish appear..." Stopping all together, MC looked down at their hands. "I may actually be able to do that, I have magic after all, so it's worth a shot." Taking a deep breath and closeing their eyes, they tried to come up with a spell on the spot. "Spirit of water, heed my call and give me one of your sea creatures. One as such that would make the Avatar of Envy happy. In the name of the sorcerer MC, make it so!"

When they opened their eyes they saw that not only did the spell give them a fish, but it was already prepared to be cooked too! Letting a sigh of relief, MC went straight to cooking it, without trying to figure out why the fish seemed so 'familiar'. They didn't have enough time for that, time was working against them at the moment. Levi could appear in any moment to start talking about the latest anime he has seen.

The whole cooking process went according to plan, everything came out more than perfect. The smell was mouth watering, just looking at it one knew the dish would be worth dying for. Despite being proud of their achievement, MC couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom, but they attribute it to their fear of Beel coming to eat it.

"MC WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAPPENED!!" Levi's horrified scream could be heard throughout the house. He looked like someone just stole his whole Ruri Chan collection. Tears were running down his face and his knees looked like they were about to give out. MC seeing him in such a sorry state rushed pick him up and put him on one of the chairs in the kitchen. Nothing a little spell for strenght couldn't do.

By the looks of it, Levi was having a full blown panic attack. Every time he would try to explain what happened he would get choked up. After what felt like an eternity, MC was able to get Levi to finally calm down. Tears were still running down his face but at least he was able to talk. "I am horrible, I the worst friend out there, I should just get locked up in my room and never come out!" MC couldn't help but sit in shock at seeing Levi act like that. Sure, he often said self depricating things, but this time felt different. "What happened? What made you think that?"

Levi looked at MC while trying to wipe his tears away and failing. "Henry 2.0 RAN AWAY! I am such an awful friend that fish managed to run away from me, can you believe that?!" MC freezed on the spot and had a horrifying revelation. Suddenly they understood why the fish looked so 'familiar' but how were they supposed to explain to Levi that they have just cooked one of his best friends?

While MC was deep in thought about how would they go explaing the whole situation to Levi, the avatar of envy noticed the food that MC prepared. "Is that...is that the recreation of one of the dishes from 'Food Fights'?"

If God looked down on MC and saw the look on their face, even with all the knowledge and words in the history of humanity, he could still only describe them as a deer caught in headlights. "Yeah..." MC trailed off while trying to come up with an excuse on why a meal containing a fish, sat so nicely in the kitchen just as his own fish 'ran away'. "...I was trying to recreate it just for you, since you've talked about it so much, but seeing the current situation, maybe we can focus on something else."

MC tried to approach Levi so they could push him out of the kitchen but he stopped them. "I was already a bad friend to Henry to the point he ran away. I don't want to risk losing you too by ignoring all the effort you put into this surprise." Grabbing a fork and a knife he started to dig in.

MC wanted to say something, anything to him. He was basically eating his best friend, but looking at him, in that moment, they have realized that they will need to take this secret to their grave. No way he would let Levi know that they have cooked one of his best friend. And especially, they will not let him know, under any circumstances, that the phrase 'At least they will be together from now on' passed through their head.