#i hope its coherent

[the-crimson]

Q!BBH and Generational Trauma

For a long time this has been something I’ve noticed in the halo family that I’ve strongly related to. Idk if it’s an intentional theme bbh and Dapmin (and pommin but im mainly gonna focus on Dapper) put into their characters but it’s definitely there. So heres my perspective on bbh’s character arc so far observed through a lens of generational trauma.

(Quick side note. Writing this post was a journey tm and my initial view of bbh and god’s relationship and what the afterlife scene meant shifts dramatically half way through XD)

Even if a parent does everything right, they will still hurt their children. It’s part of the job. It’s part of life. Even if we choose to be better than our parents, the scars they left will bleed onto our children. I think every family has an element of generational trauma - I certainly do but im not gonna trauma dump on yall - but the severity of it is a spectrum.

Q!bbh was cast from his home due to the conditional love of God/the Father and this has left a clear impact on him. His self worth is in the gutter and he lacked a sense of purpose. According to everything we know of bbh’s life before the island, he didnt really care for much of anything other than finding the next source of entertainment - i mean, he remembers the salem witch trials fondly because of the drama of it all regardless of the fact that hundreds of innocent women were murdered.

Was God being intentionally cruel or abusive? Probably not. From His perspective, he may see casting his angels from heaven as a temporary punishment - like spanking a child for throwing a tantrum - without really understanding the damage such treatment is actually doing. He isnt teaching his children the lesson he thought he was just as spanking a child doesnt teach them to behave, only to fear. Bbh redeemed himself in the eyes of the Father and thus was granted the choice to return home. The Father was doing his child a kindness, he was welcoming his lost angel back home because what fallen angel would ever choose anything other than Elysium? And thats the point of conflict. The Father thinks he is doing right by his child but hes only causing bbh more pain. Bbh has to choose between his own children and eternal salvation (that he knows can be taken away on a whim). His heart has been severed in two.

Bbh’s wounds from his disownment run so deep he doesnt even notice them and thus, doesnt notice how they impact his children. Dapper has taken after so many of bbh’s characteristics and a complete lack of self worth is one of them. Selflessness to the point of self annihilation. The fear of being a burden. The need to feel useful otherwise why am i even alive? Dapper was borderline suicidal because they felt useless and nearly killed themself trying to be useful by farming soul hearts and they learned all of this behavior from Bad. Bbh showed Dapper unconditional love but it wasnt enough. Bbh couldnt save Dapper from his own trauma.

Breaking cycles of generational trauma takes more than just realizing how you were raised didnt work and trying something else. Bbh never healed from the wounds left by the Father and thus they were passed down to his own son.

When i started writing this analysis, i thought that this was the tragedy between bbh and the Father. God was too stuck in his ways to understand what His child needs, what would truly make bbh happy. I thought that the Father had not changed. His love remained conditional. Bbh could only come home if he chose god/heaven. The door might be closed next time. This is his only chance of coming home. But now after laying it all out like this… it made me wonder why the Father decided now of all times was when bbh redeemed himself. My initial cynical reading was that the Father was putting bbh through a test of loyalty. He only truly earned his redemption if he would abandon his children in favor of god/heaven but now… i can see a more hopeful reading.

God watched bbh become a father. He watched bbh become a better person through fatherhood. He also watched as the trauma He caused was passed onto bbh’s child. If the Father wanted bbh to come home because he’d redeemed himself, then the Father could have snapped bbh away at any time. Perhaps thats what He would have done 14,000 years ago when bbh first fell. What if the Father recognized his mistake? What if this was His attempt to fix things after seeing just how much damage He’d done? What if he did finally understand what bbh truly needed?

Bbh was stuck in his trauma because he lacked agency in his current state. The Father still had all the power between them by holding heaven hostage. The only way bbh could ever start to heal from this damage was if he was given back the choice that was made for him. Bbh needed to choose one way or another in order for him to take the first step towards healing even if it causes him anguish in the moment. He needed the choice. He needed the freedom to refuse.

But giving freedom to your children can be scary. What if they make the wrong choice? What if they screw up and ruin everything? For a god who expects perfection from his children, freedom must be terrifying. Giving His children freedom means giving them the option to turn away from him. But that is part of being a parent.

What if unlocking the gates was an apology? Im sorry i hurt you. Im sorry i made this choice for you. I see you. I wont take this choice from you again. Its too late to change the past but you can change the future. Dont make my same mistakes.

What if it was a gift? God relinquished his leverage over bbh and gave him the option to come home. An opportunity for bbh to break the cycle. A chance for bbh to make a choice for himself for once. To free him of the shackles that tied him to God. To heal and stop his own son from continuing the cycle of generational trauma.

After all, the greatest gift a god can give is the freedom to choose one’s own destiny.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

A Hero's Judgement, Pt. 5

Two days later, Kara finally gets her chance to visit. Lena's asleep when she enters, but the rhythm of her heartbeat reads steadily on the monitor. She avoids the visitor chair that sits close to Lena's bed. It's too near to Lena's hand, too intimate for Kara to stand. Not after so long.

They aren't like that. Not anymore.

Instead she takes up sentry at the window, gazing out across the roof of the parking structure across the street. The hiss of Lena's nasal canula is constant, a background comfort as Kara meditates. She focuses her senses on Lena's heartbeat in a way she hasn't done since their fallout.

So she notices the uptick in Lena's pulse the moment the sleeping woman begins to wake. She turns to face the bed just as Lena's eyes flutter open. They roam the room briefly in confusion before landing on Kara.

A tense moment passes between them as the world seems to freeze. Kara's throat locks tight when Lena's gaze hardens from confusion to reproach.

"Lena..."

"Don't," Lena utters, her voice rasping from disuse.

Kara's lips pull against brimming tears. "Please..."

"Thank you for saving my life." Lena's voice is flat, though firm. "But please don't stand there looking at me like you care."

Unable to find her voice again, Kara can only shake her head in protest.

"Please, just go."

Lena turns her head away. Kara sees her fingers curl against the blanket, gripping the fabric tight in her grip. The movement speaks to Lena's discomfort, while her features reveal nothing. Whether the discomfort is a result of her injuries or Kara's presence is unknown, but Kara doesn't have the strength to fight.

Jaw clenching, Kara draws herself upright. She swallows, turns on her heel, and leaves.

---

Alex finds Kara at her apartment hours later. She enters gently, and if she's surprised to find Kara sitting alone in the dark, she doesn't show it. All she does is close the door softly behind her and cross to sit next to Kara.

"Are you okay?"

She reaches over to take Kara's hand, a touch from which Kara recoils. "Don't ask me that," she says, all but growling. "Not after what happened in there."

"Kara, she nearly died. She's got a lot going on--"

"You weren't there!" Kara fires off. She shoves to her feet, stalking angrily back and forth across the floorboards. "You didn't see the way she-- she could barely stand to look at me!"

"Can you really blame her?"

Kara stops in her tracks. She can barely breathe.

"I mean, you were the one who walked away."

Kara shakes her head. "Not first. Not like she did."

"But she came back to you. She showed her true colors when she asked to make things right, and again when she asked for another chance." Alex stands, shoving her hands in her pockets. "You were the one who said no."

Guilt crashes against Kara again and again like an ocean wave. She feels it full her lungs, suffocating her. "I really need you to be on my side right now," she pleads quietly.

Alex shakes her head. "I'm never not on your side, Kara. But I can't let you turn this around on her-- that's not fair to either of you."

"Stop--"

"No!" Alex's voice lifts sharply. "I won't stop, because you know why? You're absolutely clueless to the effect you have on people."

At that, Kara snaps to attention, her spine going rigid in defense. But Alex keeps going.

"You consume every room you're in! You always have, and you don't even realize it. And you don't have to but jesus, Kara! When you shine your light on someone it fills their entire world with warmth. You just don't understand what it does to someone when you take it away."

Kara's jaw drops agape. She stares at her sister in shock. "That-- that's ridic--"

"Don't you dare say it," Alex warns, pointing at Kara with a single sharp finger. "Don't you fucking dare. I have not spent half my life living in your shadow just to hear you tell me my experience is WRONG."

Shrugging helplessly, Kara spreads her hands beseechingly. "I can't control how other people feel about me, Alex."

"Of course not. But you can show us some grace when we fall short of your expectations. You can have a little compassion when we ask to make up for our mistakes."

Kara stares at her sister. She can't find any words to respond. Across the room, Alex draws herself up, her chin high under Kara's regard.

"And you sure as hell can stop expecting emotional intimacy with Lena after you've spent the last year and half convincing the world and yourself that you no longer care about her."

That, at least, Kara understands. She's made this bed, and if she can't make it right, she'll have to lie in it. She owes Lena that much. But she doesn't want to accept her fate just yet. Not if there's still a chance to make amends.

"I don't know how to fix it, Alex," she whispers. "I want to. Seeing Lena like that-- it's made me realize how stupid I've been, how little what's happened between us means when I still feel this way about her."

Alex's features soften minutely, but not enough to be even remotely gentle. Stiff shoulders shrug under her leather jacket.

"Then figure it out," is her reply. "Just don't expect anything to be like it was before. That ship sailed a long fucking time ago."

With that, Alex turns to leave. Kara watches her go, and sees her pause with her hand on the doorknob.

"If you decide to come back to hospital," her sister says over her shoulder, not quite looking at her, "call me first."

Then Alex is gone, taking any hope of comfort with her.

[chocobosdungeon2]

I wanna talk about the approach to the supernatural in Reservation Dogs.

I'd like to add as a disclaimer that I'm not yet familiar with most of Taika Waititi's other work. I know he has written about the supernatural before, but I haven't seen it firsthand so I don't know if what I'm about to say is unique to Rez Dogs or if its common throughout his work.

The show presents the supernatural and poses the question of whether or not it's "real" in the very first episode of the series with Big and his field of catfish (among other conspiracies). Big is often used as the POV character for these phenomena because he's presented as someone who readily accepts conspiracies, supernatural theories, and is known in his community as a Bigfoot-hunting wackjob. By doing this, the show makes the audience question if the things Big sees are real. At the same time, very "real" supernatural events happen to other characters, such as the Spirit who speaks to Bear. Some truth is shown to Big's beliefs in S1E5 Come and Get Your Love, where the Deer Lady is definitely shown to be real. This is all the Season 1 setup for the glorious romp that is S2E8 This is Where the Plot Thickens (which we'll come back to), where the line between reality and supernaturality is completely blurred, but there's a larger theme at play here I think. I would say Reservation Dogs likes to present reality-based solutions to supernatural problems, but without ever discounting those problems as "fake" or "just in your head." I feel like this is in contrast to a lot of media, which tends to do the Scooby Doo "There was a logical explanation the entire time!!!" thing. Not here.

The supernatural IS real

BUT it is always conquered by the mundane.

First, I want to pivot to Elora. There's a small scene in Stay Gold Cheesy Boy (S2E7) that illustrates what I mean really well. At the end of the previous episode (S2E6), Elora is shown sitting alone in her house. A house she is now the sole owner of. She begins to hear chanting coming from Mabel's bedroom, reminiscent of the elders who chanted as she was dying. Elora nervously investigates. The chanting gets louder as she approaches the bedroom, but it ends suddenly when she turns the light on. Elora turns the light off and walks back into the hallway, looking around her darkened house as if in a panic. There's muffled chanting and a growing soundwall that makes you feel claustrophobic, like something is coming towards you/her. The camera zooms in on her distraught face in the dark and then cuts to credits.

I don't know about the rest of ya'll, but that scared the shit out of me!!! I was like "oh fuck, what might happen to Elora???" This is Reservation Dogs! Shit can get DARK. She hasn't been in a great place mentally.

We don't see Elora at all for the beginning of Stay Gold Cheesy Boy. When Jackie goes to tell Bear and Willie Jack that Cheese was arrested, she says that Elora isn't answering her phone, spiking anxiety in the audience. You're made to wonder if she's okay.

But soon after the three of them find Elora at her house, plugged into headphones, painting the walls of her grandmother's bedroom, and there's relief. But that was quite the buildup to what turned out to be a paint job, right?

Elora is haunted by her grief, and as we saw in Mabel (S2E4), by the memories the house holds that she doesn't, by its history. Elora wanted to leave the Village, but now she's chained to it by this house she suddenly owns. I don't think the chanting and strange noises were just in Elora's head. She was being haunted. But she also didn't get attacked in the night by ghosts and the solution wasn't to hire an exorcist. When we're haunted by the past, the best thing we can do is look to the future. Elora was being haunted by the house's past so she took a step towards the house's (and her own) future. It's a very... reasonable reaction for a person to have. You can sense the urgency Elora felt to get this done after that harrowing night. What would you do if you felt like you couldn't handle living in a house with its history and memories? If you can't move, giving it a new coat of paint might be the next best thing.

Back to S2E8, this episode is a great example because it plays so much with the audience's sense of reality. A character with one of the strongest connections to the supernatural we've seen, Big, accidentally starts tripping on a huge dose of acid. He's soon followed by Kenny Boy. Complete side note, the juxtaposition of nervous and terrified Big's first time on acid, and chill Kenny Boy (hecking love Kirk Fox btw), who has probably done this a billion times, just vibing is hilarious. A lot of what Big sees can be assumed to be hallucinations, although in this show you can never be too sure. Deer Lady appears but is it really her or is it just his memory of her? Until they come upon the cultists. The Field of Catfish was a mystery presented at the start and built up a little every time Big would see or talk about it with no possible explanation. It turns out, the answer was weird cultists who fuck dead catfish. As wild as that is, it's still an answer grounded in reality so it brings your expectations back down a little bit. Then a bona-fide Supernatural Phenomenon shows up to save them. Not only is the Deer Lady confirmed to be SEEN by someone other than Big, but Kenny Boy KNOWS her, they've met before! So, there can no longer be any doubt in the audience's mind.

As a refresher, the Deer Lady is a supernatural woman with deer legs (as the name implies) who kills "bad" men (and men specifically). Figuring out what "bad" and "good" means is kind of what Big's arc is all about. She asks if Kenny Boy has been good and he replies, smiling, "No... but I've been trying real hard." Kenny Boy isn't someone Big would consider "good" in his very simplistic, child-like idea of it. Her affection toward Kenny Boy shows that being good isnt just saying No to drugs and following the law. Her targets are consistently womanizing rich men who have no regard for others or their environment. She does extend to outright criminals like murderers and robbers if the opportunity presents itself, but usually to protect or save someone. I don't think she likes to work in the open if she can avoid it. The Deer Lady is a supernatural phenomenon that punishes Bad Men. You can avoid getting killed by her by being a Good Man. By not flaunting excessive wealth, by not harming others, and by caring about people around you. The fundamentals of being a decent human being.

There's other examples of this throughout the show of course, but these are a couple that stood out to me. A kind of overlapping theme that I'd love to delve into is the reverence given to Weirdos who Just Say Shit. Junkies, homeless, random dudes in waiting rooms, etc. All spewing their strange ramblings to whoever will hear, but the show frames them as wise and worth listening to. I think I need to end this post before I get too off-topic, but I think it plays into this theme as well.

I've intentionally avoided speaking on the scenes of prayer, where there's a very obvious crossing between these boundaries. I think there's a lot to say about those scenes as well, but I am not Indigenous and I feel like I'd be trying to speak on cultural and spiritual practices I know nothing about. I already feel dangerously close to doing that. I really don't want to make assumptions about anyone's beliefs, so I've tried to stick to examining the screenwriting and how it conveys these themes. If anyone else is willing to add their input, I'd be thrilled to read it.

[onismdaydream]

its hard to say no to yuuji when he gets needy. he's never been afraid to be vocal about what he wants, but it cranks up to the max when he's desperate. he'll be pressed up against you, his lips never leaving your skin as he begs you to let him fuck you. please, please, promise i'll be gentle, i'll be so good, please, just let me feel you - his hips stuttering as he bucks them, wanting to relieve any of the pressure that's been building up - anything, i'll do anything, baby, please, need to be inside you.

and when you finally let him, he still can't stop. he groans loudly as he slides inside, mouth wide open and eyes screwed shut, sweat beginning to bead at his hairline. god, baby, feels good, so tight, so fucking good - his thrusts are sloppy, never able to find a steady rhythm - perfect, like you were made for me baby, so good, never wanna pull out, wanna fuck you forever.

most of his words are slurred and mumbled, far too drunk off your body around his throbbing cock to make any coherent thoughts. not like you're faring much better, though, what with yuuji fucking you like it's his last chance, his drippy cockhead rubbing against that sweet spot that makes you clench around him. yeah, fuck yeah baby, do that again, oh god, i'm gonna come, you're gonna make me come - he holds you close to his body, his arms wrapping around you as if he's afraid you'll disappear - please, please, so close, wanna come inside you, can i baby? wanna fill you up, oh god, please.

you're barely able to nod your head before he's spilling inside you, his forehead pressed against you as he catches his breath. fuck, thank you, thank you, don't deserve you, you're perfect - pressing soft and gentle kisses to wherever he can reach, his fingers moving down your body to make sure you get off - love you, love you so much baby, gonna make you feel good too, promise.

[kaladinkholins]

We all already know Mizu and Akemi are narrative foils. But you know what? Lemme just say it, here's what I think:

Taigen and Mikio are foils.

Not necessarily to each other as individuals in the way that Mizu and Akemi juxtapose each other, but mostly in the contrast between their relationships with Mizu.

I've covered specific parallels between Taigen and Mikio in other posts I wrote; but as the number of parallels I'm noticing between them keeps piling up, I'm compelled to just compile them all in one post. So! This is, thus, the post in question.

First of all, let's look at their similarities.

1. Their status in society is the same. They are both samurai who lost their honour and have dreams of reclaiming it.

2. They are also both diligent as they strive to achieve this goal, they both care deeply about their work, but here as they begin to contrast, as the work in question and way they go about their goals is different:

For Mikio, his work is in taming and rearing horses; in order to prove himself, he must tame Kai—a willful and strong horse—and present it to his lord. For Taigen, his work is in sword fighting and martial arts; in order to prove himself, he must kill Mizu—a willful and strong swordsman—and present her dead body to his lord.

In the parallel above, not only are Taigen and Mikio contrasting each other, but Mizu and Kai are placed in comparison as well. And of course, Kai is Mizu's horse, and represents her. Which is why, when later, Mikio sells Kai off, it represents the way he is tossing Mizu (and their relationship) aside.

From there, the rest of the details of their character begin to contrast and juxtapose each other more clearly. So let's look at those differences, shall we?

Their backstory:

Mikio was a great samurai who was banished. A somebody to a nobody. Taigen was a fisherman’s son who rose to the top. A nobody to a somebody.

2. The first time we meet them on-screen:

Mikio is an adult. An older man. Mizu's superior in age. He is Mizu's to-be husband. A love interest. Taigen is a child. A young boy. Mizu's peer in age. He is Mizu's bully. An antagonist.

3. Their maturity and growth:

Mikio is mature, but stuck in his ways. Taigen is immature, but capable of changing and learning.

4. Their overall attitude:

Mikio is generally relaxed, easy-going and unfussy. Taigen is uptight, irritable and severe.

5. How they talk to and conduct themselves around Mizu:

Mikio is aloof, soft-spoken, and serious. Taigen is obnoxious, brash, and sarcastic. Mikio is quiet, speaking only when spoken to, even when Mizu turns to smile at him and shows openness to be near him. Taigen is loud, talking while others are silent, even when Mizu turns from him and shows no interest in conversing with him.

Mikio doesn't show much of who he is to Mizu throughout their marriage, despite their growing affection. Taigen openly shares his traumas and life story to Mizu during their brief alliance, despite their mutual antagonism.

6. Their external vs internal selves:

Mikio is calm, gentle, and considerate on the outside. Taigen is hot-headed, rude, and selfish on the outside. Mikio is cowardly and deceitful on the inside. Taigen is brave and loyal to a fault on the inside. Mikio tells Mizu that he wants to know and see all of her. But he scorns and betrays her, the woman he loves. Taigen tells Mizu that he wants to duel and kill him. But he endures torture to not betray him, the man he hates.

9. Their hair, a symbol of their honour:

Mikio's topknot is untied by Mizu during their spar. This humiliation occurs in private, the two of them alone in a rural location where no one can see them. Taigen's topknot is cut off by Mizu during their duel. This humiliation occurs in public, the two of them being watched by many others in the Shindo Dojo.

10. Their power dynamic with Mizu:

Mikio believes he is Mizu's mentor. He teaches her to throw knives, how to ride and care for horses, and about the tactical benefits of using a naginata. Taigen believes he is Mizu's equal. He views Mizu as a samurai like himself who received all the same teachings he did, and who possesses the same values.

11. Their perceptions of Mizu:

Mikio sees Mizu's feminine side first. He sees her as sweet and gentle, but also clumsy and incompetent. Taigen sees Mizu's masculine side first. He sees her as terrifying and deadly, but also strong and skilled.

12. The way they approach sparring with Mizu:

Mikio only spars with Mizu once. As the fight progresses and she is beating him, he tries to put a stop to it. When she teases/provokes him, he starts taking the fight personally and seriously, finding no enjoyment in it. Taigen spars and brawls with Mizu all the time. No matter how many times Mizu beats him, he doesn't back down. When Mizu challenges him with a chopstick, he is eager to compete with her and gladly rises up to the challenge.

Mikio and Mizu's one and only spar is a friendly match; Mizu is smiling and having fun while he grows increasingly frustrated. Taigen and Mizu's last-seen spar is a playful wrestling match; both him and Mizu are having fun and laughing.

Mikio cannot deal with Mizu being better than him, so he scorns her and walks off, avoiding her thereafter. When Taigen cannot deal with Mizu being better than him, he follows her to observe her moves and continues training in hopes to eventually beat her. After being bested by Mizu once, Mikio leaves her and sells the horse he'd previously gifted to her. After many times losing to Mizu and fighting alongside her, Taigen commends her and admits she is better than him.

13. When Mizu pins them down in a friendly spar:

Mikio sees Mizu's whole face objectively. Taigen stares at Mizu's mouth and eyes.

Mikio gets angry when she kisses him, throwing her off of him and snapping at her, calling her a monster. Taigen gets aroused, apologising, so she pulls herself off of him.

14. Mizu's blue meteorite sword is a reflection of her soul. She believes most are undeserving to face it, let alone hold it. And on that note:

Mikio is the first person (chronologically) that Mizu fights against using her sword. Taigen is the first person (we see on-screen) that Mizu fights against with her sword. Mikio is the first person (chronologically) to ever hold her sword, as she passes it to him, letting him wield it. Taigen is the first person (we see on-screen) to ever hold her sword, as she passes out, and he picks it up and carries it for her.

15. Then, last but not least, in Fowler's fortress, when she is drugged and in pain, she hears Ringo's voice in the dungeon. She then follows it to an open cell:

Mizu first sees Mikio as a hallucination, the sight of him haunting her and causing her to lose her grip on reality. Her eyes glow a surreal blue to represent this. Her Mama appears then and says Mizu's name accusingly.

Mizu then sees Taigen, but he is real, the sight of him a relief and grounding her back to reality. Her eyes return to their normal blue colour to represent this. Taigen looks at Mizu weakly and says her name softly.

Then, later, when facing Fowler, her revenge awaiting her, she instead chooses to follow her conscience (represented by Ringo's voice in her mind), putting aside her vengeance for a time, in order to save Taigen.

So that's basically all the ones I've noticed so far, but even then, I feel there's already so much that forms a contrast between these two.

What makes it especially incredible about these juxtapositions is that Mikio was Mizu's husband, the man she had fallen in love with, the one person she had ever been intimate with, the man who made her begin to accept herself, to put down her desire for vengeance and instead live a life of peace and happiness.

So for Taigen to have so many parallels with him... Do you see what I'm saying here!

Not to mention that Mizu clearly already has some burgeoning attraction to him, as indicated by how she thinks of him when asked about her desires. And Taigen clearly has shown interest as well (see: him getting a boner after their spar, him holding her hand and telling her, "We're not done yet.").

And on the topic of speculating future possibilities of this relationship, this post by @stromblessed has pointed out yet another parallel between Taigen and Mikio:

Mizu promises Taigen to meet him for their duel in autumn. Mizu fell in love with Mikio and duelled him during autumn.

With all that said, I do believe Mizu and Taigen's relationship is definitely hurtling towards something. But whether they will actually end up together in a sustainable relationship and have a happily ever after? Well, that is a whole other story; we'll just have to wait and see.

[b4kuch1n]

wizard of both ways

[sminiac]

I think that since there tends to be this preconceived notion that men of a taller, bigger stature are more dominant leaning (and a lot of the time I completely agree) but I can’t help but think about Sub!Sungchan, and how he wouldn’t necessarily be the eager to please, overly whiny kind of submissive, but more of a soft, dimmed version of himself, just wants to be taken care of- to have the ability to sit back and allow himself to be taken care of, yk?

Like very intimate, emotional sex where he’s just completely and utterly yours for the time being, allows you to do whatever you please because he knows that he’s safe, that he’s in good hands, that you’ll make him feel good, so, so good.

Sweet thing, can’t help but love the overstimulation you drive him to, his long fingers squeezing at your arms, taut moans in your ears as he digs the heels of his feet into the bed, forcing himself to take it, because he knows what comes after this, and it’ll feel better than he could ever imagine, better than he could ever force himself through with the effort of only his own hand when you’re unable to see him.

Mewling out breathy pleas as big tears ball into the outer corner of his pretty eyes, lashes clumping as they slip down past his temples, his head thrown back, but when it’s not then he’s angling himself as best as he can to see the way your fist runs slick in up and down motions over his cock, the tip a pretty shade of red, poking out from behind your fingers, drives him crazy.

Once you’re satisfied the poor thing is absolutely spent, his chest heaving, arm thrown over his eyes, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t take more, cue the very sweet, soft sex part that consists of even more tears. His lips blown into a swollen pink mess, so pretty with the moisture he licks into them, a mix of his tears introduced when you thumb softly at his face, whispering the most meaningful praises his ears would ever hear.

So pretty under you, can’t take his eyes off of your face even through his cloudy vision, the way you gently work yourself on his cock, how untethered he feels from the outside world, because when he’s got you, it’s as good as gone. “Love you- I love you s’much.” He’d try to say through a mouth that’s thick with saliva, his register heightened, slack with emotion, the muscles in his face contracting in a weak attempt to refrain from letting a sob wrack his chest.

Just wants you to call him pretty while you hold his face, swiping away the steady stream of tears, fucking him into an untouchable amount bliss.

[beepboopappreciation]

Shout-out to super boxy harsh-edged computers. Love the 90° angles. Absolutely cheering about the corners. No smooth curves, all square, baby. So much rectangular rizz in them thangs.

[alienaiver]

Rugged

Aizawa Shouta x GN!reader

warnings: quirk-induced amnesia, canon minor character death (major in my heart tho), spoilers for... season 5 and forth? to be safe wordcount: 4.9k content: confessions, first kiss, fluff, sfw, no use of y/n, pro hero reader but quirk is unspecified, canon compliant, genderneutral reader, poc!friendly reader, body positive reader, hurt/comfort in like the mildest sense, soft love, amnesia situation, friends to lovers, childhood friends to lovers, started as a meme turned into something serious, something about cats, unbeta'd, flashbacks to high school days

notes: this is so embarassing to admit but i only came up with this story bcos of that tiktok/insta reel (link is a tiktok as thats where i could find the source material) about having a type that's 'rugged'. it was supposed to just turn into a little joke on that and... uh, ykno suddenly i was almost 5k deep into a childhood friends to lovers, ..ya my brain had a VISION alrighty!!!!! please enjoy a one-eyed kitty, one-eyed aizawa and interrupted confessions!

Aizawa’s leaning forward on the desk, meticulously writing down an exact copy of your notes from English Literature that he missed yesterday due to being in the infirmary… again. He’s always known that becoming a Pro Hero with a non-physical quirk would be tough, but he didn’t imagine landing himself in a hospital bed as often as he does. He’s bulking up nicely, but he feels beaten black and blue every other day and it’s… exhausting.

Rewarding, but exhausting nonetheless. He’s momentarily disturbed as a chair is being dragged across the floor, screeching away before haphazardly thrown next to the desk, wrong side facing it, and Yamada throwing himself onto it, arms leaning on the backrest. He says your name in a sing-song voice – your given name, has he no shame? - and steals a peek of you from over the rim of his glasses. You rest your head in your palm and smile at him, “what’s up?” you ask, and he hums as if he’s thinking deeply about something. Aizawa’s got a bad feeling about whatever subject he’s about to bring up; ever since he appointed himself Aizawa’s wing man, the pestering’s both been non-stop and non-discreet.

Aizawa keeps his face buried in the notes, purposefully removing himself from the conversation.

“What’s your type?” Yamada asks and Aizawa has to hold back a facepalm. You simply giggle and play with the zipper from your pencil case before you answer, “hmm, I’m not sure. But with all due respect, I know it’s not you,” you tease him and he straightens his back in mock-surprise, the conversation’s one you’ve had before. He takes a hand to his chest, “what? Not me? Well you’re not my type either!” the shriek in which he yells is a little too loud, his quirk still a little too unmanageable when he gets excited – he winces as the rest of the class turn their heads. You simply laugh and bite your lower lip. Aizawa steals a look at you through his bangs, admiring the glimmer in your eyes.

“Yeah, I’m sorry ‘Zashi, I truly am, but… you’re just not… rugged enough.”

“What? I’m so rugged. I can be rugged!”

“Look at you, you’re not rugged,” you laugh as you gesture vaguely to… all of him. He takes offense as he puffs up his chest, “how am I not rugged? Because I’m not wearing a flannel in 80 degree weather?”

You hide your face in your hand as you try to contain your laughter, “yeah, sure, whatever… but look at you now. You fly off the handle like that, you’re too angry.”

“That’s a very rugged thing to do!”

“No, it’s really not.”

Aizawa has been saddled with the two of you for almost two semesters now, and he’s still not entirely used to the way you joke around. In the beginning he was always worried about you fighting and not getting along and he’d stare at you both with wide eyes like a startled cat and hope you’d settle down soon. You always did, laughing like the greatest joke was just told.

You lean forward on the table to bark out a laughter deep from your stomach, momentarily blocking the view of your notes that Aizawa’s copying. He lets out a soundless grunt at you being so close and pulls away in surprise when he accidentally smell your shampoo. He wants to lean forward again, to commit the scent to memory, but you’re already straightened back up, wiping an imaginary tear from your eye, “you don’t even want me, Hizashi, why is this always so important to you?”

This makes Aizawa freeze, terrified that Yamada will accidentally tell his secret to you. But Yamada simply crosses his arms, puffs up his cheeks and nods, “you’re right, I don’t. But I want you to want me. I’m the entire package.”

You laugh and shake your head, letting your arm fall onto the desk in defeat. “Sure then, ‘Zashi. I want you. Badly. More than anything. Please go out with me.” your face is as flat as Aizawa’s can be, and Yamada smiles proudly, “no thank you.”

Aizawa’s startled out of grading papers when his personal phone starts ringing next to him on the desk, the screen much too bright for the darkened room he’s situated in. It’s an unknown caller, which makes him hesitant at first but since it’s well past office hours, he knows it won’t be a salesman of any sort.

He bites his lower lip before he picks up.

“Aizawa speaking.”

“Ah, good evening. I apologize for contacting you at this hour, however, you are written down as the emergency contact for…” he apologetically butchers the pronunciation of your name, but gets your hero name correctly, “this is Aizawa Shouta, right?” the person on the other end confirms, and Aizawa nods before he verbally comes up with an answer.

“Well, it’s just that…” he explains your situation precariously, advising Aizawa to just come down to the station if he’s able, since someone will need to escort you home. He makes sure to remind Aizawa that you have two more emergency contacts on file in case he’s not available, but after getting the location, he’s already up from the chair before he’s hung up with the poor officer dealing with you.

From the call he knows you’re neither mortally wounded or in any kind of distress. You were on patrol when you encountered two villains. One of them turned out to have an amnesia quirk, and now you were stuck at the precinct, not entirely sure where your apartment is located. The officer informed Aizawa that you seemed calm and collected but that the last date you remember was well over 10 years ago even if you haven’t age-regressed in any way.

When he arrives, the officer leads him to one of the offices, profusely apologizing and thanking him at the same time. He’ll never really get used to the way newly appointed officers act around Pro Heroes.

Even if all facts and rationale tells Aizawa that you’re fine, he still grips the door handle way too tight, throwing open the door and evidently scaring the shit out of you, sprawled out on the couch with an ice bag on your knee. You spew out some profanities as you sit up. Aizawa immediately calms down as he sees you alive and well. He thanks the officer and agrees with the officer to sit down and talk with you before taking you home. He bows before he closes the door and looks back at you.

“I already gave a statement – was anything missing?” you ask, resting your hands neatly on your thighs. Aizawa shakes his head, “I came to pick you up – they informed you about which of the emergency contacts to call, right?”

Realization seems to travel across your features as Aizawa masks the sting he feels. Instinctively you reach out, but ultimately pull your hands back, “Aizawa?”

For a split second he lets his emotion show on his face – the way you say his last name instead of his given name, but he’s quick to hide it again. He nods and sits down on one of the chairs on the other side of the coffee table, “I was informed that your memory’s been wiped.”

You nod and look at the floor, “yeah. They took in the villains and interrogated them. It seems it’ll wear off in five to seven hours, but until then I’m stuck with my first work study as my most recent memory. I don’t feel like high school me, though, it’s just like there’s an empty gap in my timeline and not an age-related kind of thing. I can’t remember what has happened since then, but cognitively speaking, I’m still myself.”

Aizawa breathes in sharply, “well, that’s a relief. I have enough students to take care of,” he dryly jokes and the way your eyes widen make him self-conscious. He shouldn’t have made the joke he thinks as he shrinks in on himself.

“You’re a teacher?”

The way you ask betrays your emotions all too clearly and Aizawa holds back a snort. If the last of his personality you remember is high school, he gets why you struggle with the image of him taking care of the budding youth.

“A homeroom teacher, actually.”

Whatever preconceptions you had initially seems to dissipate and you smile proudly, “that’s amazing.”

You haven’t commented on his appearance; besides the moment where you didn’t recognize him, you don’t seem all too taken aback by his lack of eye and prosthetic leg. He’s relieved.

“You ready to go?” he asks, patting his lap with his palms before bracing himself to get up. You get up too and stretch your arms over your head, waiting for that satisfying pop, but it never comes. Annoyed, you let your arms falls and Aizawa smiles at you.

He leads you out of the room and as you put on the jacket he came with, he thanks the officers for their work with some polite back and forth and a bow.

The trip back is quiet as you seem to just take in your surroundings. You stop by your Agency to grab your personal items and civilian clothes that you left behind before your patrol. Luckily the offices are mostly cleared out, so you don’t have to ‘meet’ everyone and Aizawa gets out of explaining everything to everyone.

“Do you want me to escort you to your place? Or do you want to come to mine?”

The question is straight-forward and innocent; you sleep over so often that Aizawa’s spare futon has simply been dubbed your futon, but you seem taken aback, eyes wide and mouth agape. For a moment Aizawa’s blind to the confusion before he remembers.

“Sorry, you sleep over at my place a lot since it’s close to your work. I thought you might also like to see Benben.”

Your eyes that had seemed so tired ever since he arrived, lights up in recollection and excitement, “Benben’s alive and well?” you ask, absentmindedly leaning into Aizawa’s space in your joy. He struggles not to lean back reflectively.

“Yeah, she’s living with me now. She’s becoming old, though. But you’re still her favorite human, so she’d be happy to see you too.”

You giggle into your palm, clearly trying to picture Benben. She was a stray that you and Aizawa started to feed your leftover lunches to back during your first year at U.A. She was also one of the reasons you even started bonding with the stoic classmate. When you talk about the name Benben, a very bad nickname based off of bento, you always laugh and tease Aizawa about his cat-naming skills. While he defends himself in front of Yamada – the man with a habit of getting out his childish side – he never once argues against you on that subject.

Next to Aizawa, you clear your throat right as he’s about to unlock his front door. He’s been polite enough to not comment on the level of staring you’ve done ever since he picked you up, but it seems to be getting too much for yourself. He smiles at you gently, like he’s communicating with a lost child, and the smile makes you act before you can think too long about the action. Aizawa’s breath hitches and whole body freezes when your cold fingertips reach the skin of his cheeks. Your eyes look at him like they’re searching for something, and shortly after your palms make contact, your thumbs start traveling around his face, from his eyebrows to the slope of his nose and then a finger is being traced over the scar under his right eye. He can see all the questions fly through your head, the way you hold back from tracing the eye patch but stare at it like it’s not supposed to be there. He’s about to clear his throat when a thumb starts tracing his chapped lips before continuing down to his jawline, tickling his 5 o’clock shadow. As he tries to smile patiently at you, you mumble something under your breath that makes Aizawa’s heart stop for just a moment too long before racing at the same speeds as Yamada’s car when he’s late.

“It really is you… you’re just so…” you pause for a moment to swallow thickly and lick your lips, “…rugged.”

Not until you’ve had your (in Aizawa’s terms) grabby little fingers on every part of his face and given his heart an aneurysm with your words, does realization hit you. You seem to shrink and pull away to bow half-way a few times at him. Aizawa grumbles out a weak complaint about personal space and jingle the keys again to find the right one. No matter how advanced his work place is in terms of security and technology, he finds it unbelievable how many different types of keys he is expected carry for the school grounds alone. Logically, he’s aware that he’s fumbling due to your innocent advances but his brain’s not exactly acting calm and rational, so he furrows his brows and as he puts in the correct key, takes in a deep, calming breath.

When he motions for you to enter the apartment, he can’t help but observe you as you curiously peek around while you enter. You don’t toe off your shoes or step up from the genkan until the door behind him is locked and he gestures to the left pair of slippers in front of you. You let out a breath as you mumble, “sorry for intruding…” as if this isn’t your home away from home.

As Aizawa toes off his own shoes, he takes notice of your searching eyes. He jerks his head towards the living room, “she’s probably sleeping on the couch. She can’t hear very well anymore, so she doesn’t greet by the door.”

There’s a clear sort of heartbreak in your eyes that Aizawa recognizes, before you nod and walk in the direction of the living room. While your memory might be gone for the moment, it seems there’s muscle memory still intact as you purposefully step over the loose floorboard he always warns guests about. He smiles at that. Benben seems to spot you from her pillow on the couch because no sooner than you enter the room, he starts hearing the hoarse bleating of the senior kitty in there. She must’ve stayed up when Aizawa suddenly left, since it’s out of routine. She’s never been able to meow properly, which enchanted you since she first bleated at you for a bite of your convenience store-bought onigiri back when the two of you met her for the first time.

He hears you coo at her and can only imagine you both before he turns the other corner for his office to shut down the computer for the night. He quickly rejoins you and finds you with Benben on your lap, purring and headbutting your hands to her heart’s contents. When his eye travel higher to meet yours, he’s taken aback momentarily at the strained smile and wet eyes.

“She looks so loved.” you try to explain, and Aizawa can’t hold back the blush from the compliment. She does look loved now, a little on the fuller side (not by a lot, as her physical health is very important to Aizawa), her coat is shiny despite the coarseness that age brings, and she no longer has that stubborn eye infection it took Aizawa several years to treat out of her; she’s missing an eye now as a result, but she’s healthy.

You look around his living room, smiling and heaving in breaths at all the external proofs for her love; she has a pet staircase to both the windowsill, couch and the dining chair next to his; there are three different cat towers and several cat shelves for her to perch on although they’ve rarely been used for several years now. Aizawa can’t bear to take them down – what if she wants to go on one last adventure to the shelf highway he built for her close to the ceiling? It obviously wouldn’t be safe for her to do so, but robbing her of the options feels cruel to his heart.

When you pet her behind her ear and Aizawa situates himself on the floor pillow, you giggle, “you match.”

You’re referring to the missing eyes and while Aizawa takes no offense from the comment, he can’t help but snort at the straightforward observation. It’s very like you.

“How did you lose it?”

You don’t remove your eyes from Benben as you ask and from the shaky lilt to your voice, he knows you’re afraid of the answer. He’s afraid of telling you, too.

So much bad has happened during those years – you were there during his low points after, and asking that question is like removing the experiences you’ve shared. The grief you’ve suffered.

But he knows you want to know. Before he can answer, you continue, “can you tell me everything? About you… Oboro and Hizashi, too. I was informed it was only you, Hizashi and my mom on my emergency contact list. I know it’s not supposed to be miles long but… yeah…” you trail off and Aizawa’s grateful that you’re not looking at him. He’s not sure he’s able to control his face right now; and the emotion he’s showing wouldn’t be remotely close to soothing for you.

“Uh,” he jerks and clears his throat several times to stall, “when did you say your memory would be back?” he asks instead even if he’s aware of the answer.

You look up and hum thoughtfully, “they said five to seven hours around … two hours ago? So…” you count on your fingers and despite everything, Aizawa huffs out a soundless laugh, “three to five hours? Give or take.”

He inhales sharply. He can’t drive you off for that long, even if he used going to bed as an excuse. You’d just toss and turn in fear of what you’d come to remember.

So he tells you. He retells every painful memory with clear objectivity, pausing to let you process each one, seeing the light slowly dissipate in your eyes for every terrible incident. When he reaches present day, he inhales slowly and holds his breath for a moment to control his own emotions.

You’ve stopped petting Benben who’s sound asleep on your lap now, your hands hanging like lifeless limbs by your side. Aizawa then clears his throat, “you were scouted. In third year. ‘Zashi opened a radio station shortly after graduation. Oboro’s mom still invites us for hotpot for his birthday every year despite the mismatch in dish and weather,” you both laugh at that one – of course she insists on his favorite dish on such an important day. An image of the four of you huddled around, sweating over a pot of delicious food has you throwing your head back in sincere laughter, “you have a prodigy; you inspired me to take a pupil on as well, and he’s graduating this spring… I, uh… I use eye drops now.”

The last tidbit of information makes you turn your head so fast you almost get whiplash. Then, your expression turns stern, “didn’t I tell you! Didn’t I tell you to be careful!” you reprimand and he almost rolls his eye at you. Almost.

You shake your head at him and focus back on Benben, a little more color on you again as the mood has successfully shifted. He’s unsure if you’re pretending to be fine for his sake or if he actually succeeded in making you feel better, but he can’t stifle the yawn that comes out of him as soon as he feels relief.

You look up apologetically, “oh my God I’m so sorry, I’ve kept you up haven’t I? Please, you can just go to bed, I’ll be okay!”

Aizawa wants to argue but he also can’t fight the creaky ache he feels in his bones. He went straight from a night shift to school, napped in the teacher’s lounge and then home to grade papers. He’s dead-tired.

He gets up to carry his futon into the living room and set yours up in his bedroom. Usually, you sleep in the same, bare room as him and Benben, but he feels it might be too much for you without your memories, even if you sleep on separate futons with space in between. You make a joke about the futons but then, in a soft voice admit, “I think it’s nice you sleep on something accessible for Benben…” there’s a warm tone to your voice that makes him blush heavily before he pushes you out of his living room.

“I’ll sleep out here, you take the bedroom.”

You meekly argue about taking his bedroom, but he shuts you down in the same way he’s always done, and urges you to carry Benben in with you. You agree to have the door ajar in case Benben wants to walk around, and you bow your head when you bid him goodnight. Aizawa lets the light in the hallway stay on.

////

You wake up with a hitched breath and sweat on your brow, unsure when you managed to fall asleep. Disoriented, you take in Aizawa’s bedroom; you were supposed to sleep home tonight after your shift though, not to mention that Aizawa’s futon isn’t laid out next to yours. It takes you a moment to gather your bearings until it all comes back to you. You’d lost your memory.

You’d lost yourself. You hug your arms around you as the feeling of being lost still sits heavy in your body and makes you shiver. Seeing Aizawa was terrifying; you’d no idea of the obvious horrors he’d had to endure. You didn’t remember your best friend’s death.

For a moment you control your breathing, making yourself calm down as best as you’re able. It makes sense why Aizawa decided to sleep in the living room, if the last memory of him was a pimple-y teenager and not the gruff man he is today. You close your eyes and think back to right before you entered the apartment.

You roll onto your stomach and hide your face in your hands, letting out a drawn-out flustered groan. Without thinking, you kick your legs on the bedding to alleviate the embarrassment that’s coursing through you at your own actions. You’d just went all up in his face! The sensation of his stubble underneath your fingertips, his warm breath and his chapped but so, so kissable lips.

No!

You groan again, drowning in your one-sided misery of a crush. Your honed Pro Hero senses are completely dulled by your pining, so when Aizawa suddenly throws open the door and asks if you are alright, you screech as you lift your head from the pillow, “Shouta!”

“Shit, sorry, I heard you moving around so I thought you might have a nightmare,” he hurries to explain, secretly relieved to hear you say his given name again. He frowns when he can’t see your face with your back turned to him. Still frozen, you barely breathe before he continues, “...you are alright, right?”

Making a grimace and with no interest in facing him right now, you choke out “mhmyepdefinitelyeverythingsperfect!” in one single breath before you’re forced to inhale deeply. You hear Aizawa’s metallic foot as he walks towards your futon and hear the rustling of his clothes as he bends down in a squat next to you, “you don’t sound perfectly fine to me, though. Do you have a fever? Is it an aftershock from getting your memories back?”

Being the perfectly rational man that he is, he oversteps any boundaries to quickly check your temperature with his palm. Embarrassment can come after he’s made sure you’re okay.

You push his hand away weakly, still looking pointedly at the wall in front of you, letting out a strained laugh, “heehee, I’m just… you’re right, it must be an aftershock, right? Nothing else!”

He lets you swat his hand away without much resistance but stays where he is, letting the silence hang over you both for a minute. Suddenly, he croaks out all hoarse and desperate, “Just tell me if there’s anything, please.”

Your shoulders fall at the voice. Aizawa’s the opposite of having a heart on a sleeve, but you’ve been with him through enough tragedies to know he must be scared shitless right now. Whenever you or Yamada is even remotely bruised, he fusses over you in his own, annoyed way, until he finds you sufficiently healed. You sigh before you let your head fall back onto your pillow, a short moment to gather your thoughts and feelings before having to face him.

It must’ve been a lot for him, when you asked him to recount the years you’d momentarily lost. It would’ve been better to let it be, but he knew you so well and knew you wouldn’t let it go. Curiosity kills the cat, right?

With heavy and slow movement, you turn around so that you’re facing him, hoping your expression won’t betray your real emotions. You sigh and reach out for his hand. It’s shaking but as soon as your warm fingers make contact, he flinches before he relaxes.

Then, he grunts like he’s annoyed and chastises you for worrying him. You giggle, “I’m sorry, you’re tired, right?” you ask, knowing his schedule this week is packed. He usually leaves little wiggle room for emergencies, however many he encounters.

Before he can reply, you pull at his hand and he topples over, half on the futon and half on the floor, on his knees. You laugh and pull him even closer to you, hoping your beating heart isn’t as loud as it feels.

You and Aizawa have cuddled before; loneliness and grief has made you carve out comfort in each other, but nothing else have ever been spoken aloud. No kissing, no romantic notions to trace back to. Having a one-sided crush since high school feels deafening right now, when all the years travel back to you after what only amounts to a moment without them.

You want to tell him how you feel; losing your memories made you realize how much you’d like for him to comfort you with kisses if anything should ever happen; how you’d like for him to hold you without holding back.

He grumbles where his head is rested in your neck after he’s settled, but he makes no effort to move. You nuzzle into the mane of hair and breathe in his scent; it’s a lavender-scented shampoo that Yamada insists on buying for him. He never accepts it without complaining, but he also never showers without using it. There’s a spare in your bathroom, at the Agency’s bathroom and at his teacher’s dorm at U.A.

“Y’know, I was really surprised for a moment that you became a teacher.”

He makes no movement, but you know he’s listening.

“But as soon as I thought about it, it made perfect sense. You care so much it sometimes hurts to watch…”

You feel his fist tighten around your bedding, but he stays otherwise quiet still.

“You hurt watching me, too, right? How we both have a habit of bending over backwards for what we perceive is right.”

You start dragging your hands through his hair, letting out a sigh.

“I like that we know each other so well. I like how after so many years, you’re still right here in my arms…”

You pause as his upper arm snakes around you, a sharp exhale against your neck.

“You’ve never dated anyone. At least, not anyone you’d tell me about, so I have no idea where this will lead me to but,”

You take a moment to gather your nerves. There’s really no backing down now. Even if you regret it, your words have already given your feelings away; there’s nothing you can take back.

There’s nothing you want to take back.

You’re about to continue your confession when Aizawa pushes against your neck, his warm lips, soft despite the dryness, presses against your pulse point. You can hear your heartbeat so loud in your ear that the rustling of the sheets from Benben is indistinguishable to you, the only sensation you’re able to take in being Aizawa’s lips as they briefly pull away from your neck, only to push back higher up, closer to your jaw.

You whine and pout, but it’s shaky and without much force. You want to protest, scold him for interrupting you but suddenly he lifts his head to face you, and you’re faced with wide eyes and blown pupils. He steals a glance at your lips before he licks his own, pink tongue peeking out. You feel like a cornered prey, one that’s about to be devoured by a beast. When he hovers mere millimeters above your lips he pauses as if to ask for permission and the sigh you let out makes him know that everything’s okay. That everything he’s ever wanted, wished for, dreamed of, is real.

That losing your memory for a second made you desperate to make more meaningful ones.

And you kiss.

While curiosity did kill the cat, satisfaction definitely brought it back.

[adhd-languages]

Learning through immersion

(Specifically Spanish, for intermediate-advanced learners. Most of this can be used for any language though)

Consume native content without looking up anything. Just enjoy it. (Something written, or something which has a transcript/subtitles)

Now consume it a second time

Write down any interesting sentences. (Ideally with pen and paper, for it to stick)

Anything that has something that looks like a word you know, but is in a tense you’re not sure, just a new use of a tense, some interesting expression or vocab…

Go onto SpanishDict and type in those interesting conjunctions, figure out what tense they’re in

Learn that new tense! Either through SpanishDict (they have lessons for pretty much everything) or just google lessons online. This can be as in depth as you like, or you can just google a quick explanation

Create new vocab list of new words and quickly run through it

Re-consume native content after going through all your sentences with a new enlightened mind

On this run you can also read aloud (or mirror, if you have audio) the interesting sentences you wrote down. With feeling, please.

Then write something in your own words, using new grammar and vocab you’ve studied. Or speak aloud, and record yourself. You should try to write other sentences using a similar structure as whatever new interesting tense use you’ve found. If it suits you, get a native speaker to check your sentences, using Busuu, or HiNative, or something similar.

This is just one way that I’ve been enjoying recently. To be honest, you can cut out pretty much any of these steps depending on what suits you, how much time you have, etc.

The important thing is that you’re paying close attention to your content, and you absolutely need to write your own sentences afterwards.

Unless you genuinely have no interest in communicating with native speakers — maybe you just want to watch tv or read in your target language and that’s fine — but if you do want to be able to communicate, you’re going to need to practice. You should also be practicing speaking aloud. If you have nobody to talk to, talk to yourself.

This strategy is really useful for when you’ve self-studied the basics of a language and you don’t know what grammar you need to study next. Just let

[ganondoodle]

a panel from the rough draft that i like alot (hes catching hylias punch with his own hand, in case its too scribbly to see)

(comic wip)

[strrwbrrryjam]

the fact that throughout the story arthur is constantly being haunted by his trauma is so tragic to me

first you have the obvious, john, abigail and jack, his brother running away for a year, something that must gnaw at arthurs survivor guilt and his feelings that maybe, maybe if arthur was there, eliza and Isaac might be alive, and for john to leave willingly must anger him so much, for john to leave what he has, what he had and take it for granted, its no wonder arthur wouldn't forgive him for so long and that it damaged their relationship for such a long time is of no surprise to me

then you have arthur londonderry and his wife and kid, and how this arthur died and left his family to suffer for it, all due to him working off his debt arthurs gang and asking for something that arthur is unable to give, only for arthur to later forgive his debt in hopes to repay that debt in hopes that this wife and kid will be able to live on without him

and then, you have the downes, where arthur plays the role of the robbers, taking a father from his son and his wife away (while tuberculosis was ultimately what killed thomas downes, arthur most certainly didn't help by beating an ill man half to death), only for arthur to realise the error of his ways and to later try and right his wrong, in a way those robbers who took his son and the mother of his child most likely never did, or never would,

in a way, these three families represent what was, and what could have been, the marstons, if arthur had decided to stay with his family, the londonderrys, what could have happened the night of the robbery, and the downes, what might have happened if arthur (and the robbers) had simply left them alone, maybe arthur would be enjoying his life on the farm, where he could watch his kid grow up to be a man, and one who loves and is protective of his mother, and one who loves his pa (having a better relationship than the one arthur shared with his father)

[cirrus-grey]

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck the goddamn music-

I don't know the name for the technique but there's this thing that was in there that's the string players, like, tapping the instrument with the bow to create a more percussive sound and normally I wouldn't think too much of it but I swear to god it sounded like creeping spider legs. During the case set at Hill Top Road. With the very obvious references to the Buried and the Stranger and all the rest. Which dropped about a hundred Achives references including Jon's fucking name???

I have always respected the soundscaping they do at Rusty Quill but they're really going above and beyond for this show.

[greyskyflowers]

Listen, I fully support the whole idea of demon Zoro but I think a small part of me will always root for a more war god/goddess approach.

Hear me out because this goes in a few loops before tying together but my words wouldn't word right and my thoughts wouldn't thought right. So this is as good as it's gonna get and hopefully it kind of makes sense at the end. 🤷‍♀️

I listened to a podcast years ago that talked about how war goddesses always got portrayed as these terrible women, their stories warped until they were just bloodthirsty and vindictive.

But that's such a shallow, shitty take on them.

Yeah, war is bad. We all know that.

But war could be...

• defending your home

• fighting for the safety of your family and friends

• protecting yourself

• the only way to progress, justice, freedom, etc.

Point is, I love the concept of mother goddesses of war.

The ones that love their devotees with all their heart.

The ones that keep the fires going in the hearth and bring rain frequent enough to keep the soil wet

The ones that offer a full harvest and constant refuge

The ones that speak in gentle tones and vicious snarls

I love the ones that ride into battle beside their believers

The ones that wear blood like war paint and gently stroke your cheek with hands calloused from weapons

The ones that led the charge one steady feet and strong beliefs

The ones that howl like wolves, cry like ravens, and bring with them the wrath of a pissed off mother

The ones that stand in defense, tall and unmovable when someone has asked for safety, when called out for by those scared and desperate like all humans call out for their mothers when faced with death

The ones that say you will not die here because you are mine and I will come when you call

I love that.

I also think that type of role is very specific to the mother goddesses.

I also think that fits Zoro perfect.

The crew has not sailed without Zoro.

He's always been there, right next to Luffy.

He was the first, and that's important, meaningful.

He stands unwavering when they hide behind him, cling to his clothes or arms

He's safety when there's danger. Arguably, I'd even say more so than Luffy.

Luffy is kind of a wild card in a lot of situations and it's a guarantee he'll be dealing with the main big baddie, so it makes him a risky place to seek shelter.

It's a safe bet Zoro will be in the middle of the action too but he always seems more reachable than Luffy.

I also, personally, think Zoro knows absolutely everything that goes on in their crew and on their ship. He hears and sees it all.

I think the one of the worst situation someone could be in is having legitimately pissed of the strawhats.

Firstly, because they're all fucking crazy.

But more importantly, you're going to have Zoro and Robin looking for you.

Zoro carried the title of hunter. He regularly tracked people down for bounties before meeting Luffy.

Luffy strikes and strikes hard, but Zoro had to have patience, that relentless chase, hunting.

I think he lets himself be more loud and careless because of Luffy.

He settles under Luffy because he wants to. He has devoted himself to Luffy because Luffy is someone worth devoting himself to.

Zoro is fierce and strong but Luffy is a king, a god.

More importantly though, they balance each other, sometimes as opposites and sometimes as equals.

They provide something for each other that no one else quite can. They are the same breath in separate lungs.

Lightning and Thunder

Sun and Moon

Clouds and Stars

Sea and River

Blood and Bone

Skin and Steel

[sualne]

Listen as someone who has been obsessed with vampires like my entire life (but not in a ooh there sexy way its like the symbolism man of what vampires can mean) i am a huge fan of your op vanpire au.

I know you just made a post with lore (amazing art btw) but is there anything else about the au you want to talk about. Id love to hear everything

there's a lot of things i want to talk about the au!! im going to use the frantic energy from the year to get myself some bravery and say some of it is inspired by my own experiences with hallucinations and delusion (dont ask about it pls), with the au i want to explore what it would be like having the person who changed you being very literally stuck with you.

i love stories where characters end up sharing a mind and/or body, i also really dont like when its just good person vs bad person, nuance is a lot more fun lol. the relationship luffy and mingo will be forced into stuck as they are is something important to me. mingo is an awful monster but since he can feel everything luffy does he ends up trying to teach him how to live as a vampire, how to take care of himself. im also very found of the concept of parasite (they're literally the worst thing ever and so fucking scary, so naturally they keep coming up in my stories).

it's also about luffy's body and mind failing him, because of the mindlink he has a hard time knowing where he is, sometimes who he is, what is relationships were supposed to be with others, it gets complicated for him! how hard it is to go through one's daily life when your sense are all messed up! (mingo also struggles with that a bit, but this isn't about him, even thought it's new for him too he get used to it much more easily for plot convenience).

other's ppl reaction to the situation also, i feel, completely unconsciously was also incidentally inspired by my own fear of being seen as a monster or dangerous, something to be put down or locked away!

there's also a few jokes in that lore post that reflects this here:

bugs are a pretty common brand of hallucination, be they crawling in the corner of your sight or inside you, making you feel like a walking hives, this was a funny reference to that!

"surprisingly he doesn't start biting people or become violent." this is my not very subtle "mentally ill and neurodivergent folks aren't inherently dangerous pls stop killing us". the occasional euphoria from bloodthist is vaguely inspired by some manic episode, the happy kind.

there's more, about the way this is about trauma and feeling alienated, i guess this is also a "character realize they've got a disorder/develop one and now has to live with it" kind of story.

[itsaspectrumcomic]

If you’re comfortable, what made you decide to seek diagnosis and how did you go about it? It has been suggested to me (friends, therapist), and I have suspected that I might be autistic but I’m kind of scared to find out for sure because of stigma.

I wondered silently for a really long time before I did anything about it - like, for years. I worried about the stigma too, or that I was wrong and I wasn't autistic and I was just weird, or maybe everyone found things this hard and I was just being dramatic and overreacting. I also self-identified as autistic for a while before I decided a diagnosis would be helpful for me, mainly for getting accommodations.

What started it off was my mum sending me an article about Melanie Sykes revealing her own diagnosis and noting the similarities, and I thought if she could see it too then maybe it wasn't just in my head. And then I spent a really long time researching.

I joined some communities of autistic people (eg discord and reddit) and followed neurodivergent people on social media to see if I could relate to their experiences (which was way more helpful than reading a traits list off WebMD).

I also did some self-assessments online like the Autism Spectrum Quotient (there's the AQ10 and AQ50) and the RAADS-R. I've linked to where you can take those on Embrace Autism since I found that website particularly helpful :)

AND THEN I took all my results and notes to my GP to try to get a referral which was another whole thing since the NHS waiting lists are literally years long.

Even though it took a long time and was pretty difficult, I'm really glad I went for a diagnosis! It made me feel much more comfortable in myself, and I've found others take me more seriously when I say I'm struggling with something. Most people I've told have responded pretty well, but I am careful about who I tell in real life because there are so many stereotypes so it wouldn't necessarily be helpful for them to know. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to.

If you're wondering about yourself, I recommend taking those quizzes I linked as well as seeing if you relate to other autistic peoples' experiences. Also, know you don't have to actually go for a diagnosis if you don't want one. Self-identifying and figuring out what your needs are and accommodating them where you can is also good :)

Anyway, this has been an essay but basically I'm happy I was able to get my diagnosis :) It's not something everyone can access for a variety of reasons so I'm very grateful.