#i just don't understand this instance in particular when it's so much easier to love the characters from different avenues in my experience

[thisgardenofromance]

Why I Absolutely Cannot Stand TamaHaru as an Ouran Manga Reader

Shoutout to this post I made a while back, we're finally delving into the second half of my argument lol

I feel like I'm gonna get some heat for this but I mean this completely in good faith to the shippers, because y'all are people. And honestly? Since there are so many of you, I would genuinely appreciate hearing your (polite) responses because I really don't understand. Here's my (anti-TamaHaru) perspective:

Ok, so TamaHaru always seemed a bit bland to me in the anime. It was fine if it had to happen, I guess, but it always seemed like the other characters were a lot more excited about it than the actual couple, and it just kind of seemed like their energies and life plans didn't align? They don't even end up kissing by the end of the anime, and they were the main ship and a straight couple. If they wanted to kiss, wouldn't they have kissed? And I mean, yeah, there was that whole bit where everyone was like "wow, Haruhi's dad is just like Tamaki" (which seems like some sort of weird relationship complex in and of itself), but Tamaki had a tendency to get excited about shit Haruhi just complained about, and I... is it really worth it at that point?

(Especially when Kyoya and Mori are right there. Come on dude, Kyoya is absolutely willing to have Tamaki's back every step of the way for whatever interests he wants to pursue and Tamaki designates him as the teammate in the family, and don't even get me started on whatever was going on between Haruhi and Mori in the waterpark episode. I want more of that shit. But that's a topic for another time.)

Feel free to give me your arguments on this too (kindly, please), but I feel like most of it that I've seen is "they'll grow together"/"they're equally stupid and that's cute"/"he just loves her so much"/"they're so aesthetic" and none of these have ever really held water for me because it doesn't really seem to negate the lack of chemistry I've observed...

Oof that was a long ass backstory but onto the actual point

So in the manga, my experience was basically all my fears were confirmed and then some, and we quickly spiraled into downright emotional abuse and partner-to-partner hatred????

Ah god it was so bad

Here are some examples

Haruhi's reaction to the realization that she loves Tamaki (Volume 13)

Literally the first example of body dysmorphia we've ever gotten from Haruhi (directly contradicting her body-positive/neutral quotes from volume 3), along with a very convenient example of Tamaki's (NOW CONFIRMED ROMANTIC) infantilization of Haruhi that y'all already know because it is present since the start of the series (the thing is this wouldn't even be an issue if it was directed at a friend as a "we have a family bond and I want to feel like I'm taking care of you" as he does with the twins and not to someone who he wants to be his life partner....) (Volume 13)

Haruhi's thoughts on the possibility of dating Tamaki (Volume 13)

The fact that the Dream Haruhi plotline has ground to stand on?????? Since when has it been okay to fantasize that your supposed other half is a completely different person when it comes to an actual romantic relationship? Shit like this is okay until it starts affecting other people, and the fact Haruhi has already shown dysmorphia because she cares about whether or not Tamaki wants to date her and then this shit happens makes me very uncomfy down to my bones. (Volume 14)

This isn't something particularly heinous between these two, but it is yet another egregious example of how they always just completely miss each other's vibes, which I personally don't really like in my power couples (Volume 15)

I'm just saying, if I realized my girlfriend thought these things about me I would be justifiably upset (Volume 15)

Ok I understand the tendency of the host club to jokingly threaten violence (read: Kyoya when he wakes up and both of the twins) but this is both completely unwarranted and oddly genuine what the fuck :D (Volume 15)

What the fuck <3 (Volume 15)

It's ok guys she's rethinking it because he fell asleep in the club room :D (she never apologizes to him by the way)

And then they spend the rest of the series overcoming external obstacles and living happily ever after

Just kidding this is how they get together (Volume 18)

And this is their first date. I don't feel like depicting it in its entirety because my back hurts now but rest assured Tamaki acting like Tamaki pisses Haruhi off more than once <3 (Volume 18)

In summary I've only ever seen them act like this with each other I like both of their characters but these chapters genuinely almost convinced me to hate them they are so bad for each other just date someone else just date someone else p l e a s e

[comradekatara]

so i read azula in the spirit temple. i actually quite liked it! it helps that she looks absolutely gorgeous in wartman's art style. it's so much easier to digest this new batch of hicks comics, not only because they're actually being written by someone who understands the themes and characters of atla, but because they're so much more aesthetically pleasing than the former art style, which didn't do any characters any favors.

now, i'm gonna venture into spoiler territory as i discuss specific panels, so if that's something to wish to avoid for now, i've put the rest of this post under a readmore. also, send me an ask if you want the link for the full comic, and thank you to @samtamdan for providing me with it!

i. thesis.

first of all, the idea that azula could have found "redemption" in the temple was teleologically illusory, due to the fundamental premise of how such "redemption" was being facilitated. that said, i don't think it was her "crossroads of destiny" moment (a potential for change wherein zuko chose wrong), but rather the leadup to "crossroads of destiny," which is to say, his metamorphic fever dream. like zuko, she's seeing visions of her loved ones manifested from her subconscious giving her conflicting accounts as to who she is and what she should do. so while the seeds are being planted, her growth is still to come.

but genuine growth cannot be facilitated in this manner. how can azula embrace "growth" she knows to be an illusion? she's definitely not being overly paranoid here by refusing to "just accept what is offered," especially considering she has experienced psychosis in the past. while i think that this spirit does accurately acknowledge the root of azula's core issue, which is that she was raised in an environment where she was denied unconditional love in such a way that she convinced herself she was fundamentally unlovable and undeserving of care (thus motivating her to overcompensate through avenues she could excel in), the visions the spirit offers don't actually provide azula with unconditional love. they list her accomplishments and state how she is a credit to her nation, but that won't allow for azula to recognize that what she truly craves is a love that transcends stipulations and is not facilitated through fear. she can't have any sort of emotional breakthrough when she is being praised for aspects of herself that were valued and fostered by her abuser who indoctrinated her into an imperialist ideology, and so the promise of "redemption" (in this particular instance) was hollow from the start, and i think that she was right to ultimately reject it.

however, her moments of genuine vulnerability wherein she voices her repressed subconscious fears may lead to her eventually arriving at a greater self-awareness and emotional clarity on her own somewhere down the line.

ii. manifestations.

a small detail i loved was when ty lee appeared to her, i could immediately tell that she was an illusion, because she was acting how azula sees her. the beginning of the comic even foreshadows this "reveal" (i mean, i think it would have been more shocking had she actually been real, but you get what i mean) by showing us a glimpse of ty lee acting more authentically now that she's no longer under azula's thumb. and it's particularly amusing to me that in azula's mind, ty lee is a perky airhead and mai is a massive cunt.

not gonna lie, the fact that this is how azula sees mai made me laugh.

of course, ty lee does always feign oblivious cheer around azula, and mai is blunt and honest to the point that she can sometimes seem mean, but it also speaks to the fact that as much as azula clearly cares so much about them, she's never truly understood them. that said, azula's last clear memory of mai is her choosing to say the exact words that she knew would hurt azula most ("you miscalculated, i love zuko more than i fear you") so it makes sense that her subconscious would now manifest a version of mai who voices azula's innermost fears.

furthermore, the fact that mai would manifest to azula as an extension/double of ty lee instead of as her own person, wearing the kyoshi uniform even though mai herself is not a kyoshi warrior, is such an interesting choice to me. i think it signifies how azula views mai and ty lee as a cohesive unit; they are inextricably linked in her mind due to the fact that they chose each other over her. while zuko does appear later as a manifestation out of the same figure, he is wearing his firelord robes, indicating that azula's memory of mai in kyoshi warrior garb back in book 2 is significant to her. i think it can be read as a clever allusion to that very subtle moment of foreshadowing in book 2, but it primarily indicates how azula sees mai and ty lee as two faces of the same body, donning the garb they once wore as a disguise – only now it indicates that their dual loyalties were also in opposition to azula.

ty lee, on the other hand, can only be a bitch to azula obliviously, when she appears ignorant of how much her words have the capacity to hurt her. considering this is a continuation of the yang established canon, the fact that (azula's vision of) ty lee would so casually suggest azula seek help from a psychiatric institution would read as condescending mockery and is clearly incredibly triggering for her, but her phrasing allows for an ambiguity of intention that azula has come to associate with ty lee's discursive affect.

of course, we as the audience know that ty lee was always perfectly conscious of how to veil her insults towards azula with enough plausible deniability that azula didn't even register them as deliberate insults at all. however, i wonder whether time away from ty lee with the hindsight of her betrayal allowed azula to reframe the nature of their relationship. and while she does still see ty lee as enduringly cheerful, that also makes sense considering she never truly witnessed ty lee drop her mask.

these nuances are the kinds of subtle distinctions only someone who truly understands their characters could write, which is why i'm so grateful they ditched yang and hired hicks.

iii. love and friendship.

i also love these panels in particular as they speak to azula's feelings for mai and ty lee. despite her... less than stellar treatment of them, it's always been clear that azula does love her friends. the reason their betrayal hit her so hard is because she wanted them to care about her as much as she cared about them, and she rationalized that hurt after the fact by claiming that she was actually upset because they betrayed "their nation." this rationalization is a pattern for her, psychologically. azula uses her status as a means of elevate herself, while simultaneously debasing her personhood/humanity (not only viewing herself as a vessel/weapon, but fearing that she is in fact a "monster") as she fears that she is uniquely unworthy of love. the irony there is that her status as the prodigious fire nation princess was what led to her dehumanization, and (like zuko and iroh before her) deconstructing her imperialist ideology would be a necessary step in her ability to uninternalize the way she sees herself stemming from ozai's abuse.

i also found it interesting that azula calls zuko a "stupid boy who didn't even want her." there are so many layers to that claim. first of all, zuko isn't just a random boy (although he might be stupid). he's her brother, and as much as she may deny it, she cares about him deeply. but here, the fact that zuko is a boy takes precedent over the fact that he's her brother, which screams teenage lesbian logic to me. azula cannot understand why her friends would choose a boy over the close female friendship that meant so much to her because her attempt to inhabit mai's perspective, as a girl who has romantic feelings for a boy, is genuinely impossible to her. i know this interpretation may seem like a stretch, but i really don't think that azula would say "she broke up our team for a stupid boy" and not "for my stupid brother" otherwise, considering that azula does have an established precedent of feeling specifically hurt by her loved ones choosing zuko over her. her wording is distinctly gay here.

furthermore, azula claims that zuko "didn't even want her." i've talked before about how azula is hoisted by her own petard regarding mai's betrayal, since she initially set zuko and mai up (there is a comic that establishes this, but since i don't consider the comics canon, i will also say that this reading is heavily implied in "the awakening"), whether to control both of them through each other, or as an incentive to keep zuko on her side, or out of a genuine altruistic desire to matchmake, or a combination of the above, or otherwise, and that choice to bring them together ended up backfiring spectacularly. but i think the fact that azula had to pull the strings to get them together also led her to assume that any care they might have had for each other wasn't genuine, and while i think that to a degree she is correct, because their relationship was largely a hollow facade, she could not have expected that their relationship would lead to their breakup which led to their conversation in the boiling rock that motivated mai to take a stand. (and of course there's also the fact that the wording of the latter clause, azula claiming that zuko didn't want mai, is equally as gay as the former. she may as well have called zuko a slur here.)

sidenote: while i could definitely spend ample time dissecting this entire panel, for now i'm just going to address the fact that the boy azula sees in her initial dream sequence isn't even chan (the guy she kissed) but ruon-jian. obviously azula in this moment knows that her hair looks like shit (although i think the overgrown uneven bangs are a really cute look on her tbh) and she's stinky from running around in the woods for however long she has, but the fact that the voice presenting that compliment to her isn't even coming from the boy she ostensibly "liked" makes it even more evident that she cares about validation from boys insofar as she believes that she is supposed to, but doesn't actually care enough about them as individuals to distinguish between them. chan and ruon-jian are interchangeable symbols to her that function to affirm her (heterosexual) femininity, but she still cannot fathom why anyone would forsake their cherished female friends out of genuine feeling for "a stupid boy." azula is such a baby lesbian.

and finally, the fact that this entire plot is incited by her replacement girl group choosing one of their own over her command illustrates how much mai and ty lee's betrayal still resonates. she is attempting to cling to an idealized past via recreating their friend group, but she still hasn't learned her lesson that she cannot make genuine friends by being controlling and ruling through fear, and so history repeats itself, and they, too, leave her. hopefully her next endeavor to find a friend group of likeminded girls will be tempered by newfound knowledge that love and mutual support creates stronger bonds than fear, but since she has yet to be shown genuine care from anyone in her life, that has yet to be seen.

iv. parents.

one quibble i do have is that because hicks has to adhere to the precedent set by the yang comics, despite navigating and adapting to those precedents deftly, some choices simply fall flat. for the most prominent example, the retcon that ursa is still alive necessitates that azula's understanding of her mother's absence is slightly muddied, but that's always gonna be a choice i disagree with, so i can't exactly single out this particular comic when it nonetheless does such a great job of attempting to mitigate prior issues, mostly by focusing entirely on its role as a psychological character study rather than attempting to deal with the mess of a plot that yang established.

that said, i do think that this panel is really poignant, and the fact that azula is even able to speak to her fear of ozai is a really big step for her. i think that azula acknowledging that she legitimately didn't have a choice is actually a really important milestone on her path to healing. her cognitive dissonance regarding her denial that ozai's abuse dictated her actions through fear is a matter she needs to address and articulate fully if she is ever to find peace. it's understandably difficult for her to reconcile her lack of agency and how terrifying the circumstances of her childhood were, and she even oscillates here between acknowledging that she was terrified of ozai and claiming that ozai is the only family she has left who hasn't betrayed her. i think that azula almost wants to be a monster who drives everyone away because that means that she nonetheless has enough control to be responsible for her fate, and actually facing the extent to which ozai's abuse shaped her is really scary. moreover, it's still difficult for azula to recognize how much harm ozai has caused her because she has no other form of material support, and without the hollow approval of her abuser, she is truly and utterly alone. which, incidentally, is exactly why he isolated her in the first place.

v. conclusion.

while, i know that some people may be disappointed that the telos seemed like a net zero, i think that the push towards isolated character studies that don't affect the plot since hicks was hired actually works really really well considering she understands each character well enough to write these compelling little character studies that largely serve to reinforce the themes of the show via placing a single character under a microscope. and while i think the toph and katara standalone comics were cute but unmemorable, the suki and azula comics were really good because they are both characters who can benefit from having their perspectives foregrounded, whereas we already get plenty of foregrounded pov from toph and (especially) katara in the show itself. azula is a character whose inner life is largely relegated to subtext, so seeing her literal subconscious battle itself upon her spiritually-manifested psychological landscape was a really cool way of communicating her latent internal struggle that has compelled me for so long. despite it being a relatively short comic, there was so much to unpack here that i could really only choose so many key panels to discuss, but that depth and richness to the text is something i appreciate greatly. azula is one of my favorite characters to analyze, so this comic was really like a field day for me.

and here are just some panels i found particularly amusing:

gotta find a way to take potshots at zuzu even when she's completely alone. she's such a little sister sometimes.

tl;dr: overall, i really enjoyed this aesthetically pleasing character study of azula's shattered psyche, and although i only unpack a handful of my favorite panels in this post, i am happy to discuss any further thoughts you guys may have regarding other facets of this comic in my inbox!

[dotthings]

After rewatching 4.19 Jump the Shark, here's some thoughts on hunting, the making of personal connections, and what SPN is about.

As often happens with SPN, the characters themselves play out ruminations on these themes. I barely even have to write commentary.

DEAN What the hell was that? SAM What? DEAN 'Hunting is life. You can't have connections.' Dad gave you that exact same speech, remember? It was just before you ditched us for Stanford. You hated Dad for saying that stuff, and now you're quoting him? SAM Yeah, well, turns out Dad was right. DEAN Since when? SAM Since always. Dean, when I look at Adam, you know what I see? DEAN A normal kid. SAM No. Meat. Because the demons and monsters out there, that's all he is. I hated Dad for a long time. I did. But now I think I understand. So we didn't have a dog and a white picket fence. So what? Dad did right by us. He taught us how to protect ourselves. Adam deserves the same.

Notice how this severe idea that all they can have is this, nothing else, no friends (even friendships with other hunters is frowned upon, John was noticeably isolationist and distrustful and alienated his hunter friends who loved him, like Bobby), no love stories, nothing but the hunt, comes right from John's words.

Dean's shocked to hear it from Sam. In part because Sam always fought John about it and now Sam is quoting John, but in part it's because one of Dean's long arcs is rethinking a lot of John's ideas and finding his own identity outside of being John's shadow, or mimic.

In season 4, as Sam goes deeper and deeper under the influence of demon blood and Ruby's coaching, he goes colder and more ruthless and more remote, less like the Sam we know, and Dean notices more and more.

DEAN Listen to yourself, man. SAM You think I’m wrong? DEAN I think it's too late for us. This is our life. This is who we are, okay? And it's fine. I accept that. But with Adam, he's still got a chance, man. He can go to school. He could be a doctor.

Now it pulls back to Dean's resignation--but it's too late, the words are already out there with Dean questioning it. Too late for the audience not to notice.

While Dean doesn't expressly voice the idea that as hunters, maybe they don't have to sever all personal connections and turn off their hearts, it's self-evidently on Dean's mind. He doesn't see much hope for himself. That doesn't mean he isn't thinking it. And it's a very obvious part of the canon story for the run of the show.

As usual with SPN, two things can be true at once. Or there's a seed of truth but it's an incomplete truth. It is difficult to form and maintain connections in the hunting life, even with other hunters in the life. That doesn't mean Sam and Dean don't have any or can't have any. SPN self evidently shows they absolutely did, right along. Not just with each other.

Found family--the forging of connections, the human heart--is part of the life's blood of the story and always has been.

Dean in particular, throughout the series, has been adept at forming these connections and caring. He may at times try to shut himself away because it feels safer. The other people get less hurt. He'll get less hurt. But always he lets them in, he always cares.

It's easier with other hunters. People in the life with them, who understand that life.

John's narrow worldview of hunting, the ruthlessness, that's mirrored in Sam in this episode, and the idea that they can't have anyone else--isn't presented as the right answer.

Dean, as the series goes on, moves more and more into living the hunting life in a way that's by his own definitions, his own way, not his father's dictates. Despite the challenges of the hunting life. Dean makes his own rules.

We also see more instances of people in the hunting life who don't live by the extreme isolationist ideas of John Winchester. In fact, it turns out John was unusual and that hunters are sociable with each other, even if the life can be harsh and isolating. There's a hunting community. We only see glimpses of it early on because John kept Sam and Dean unusually isolated due to the circumstances of his particular quest, the YED.

But Sam and Dean are not their father. They forge their own path.

Most of all, SPN is a story about the connections that form between people--including the brothers, but not limited solely to the brothers.

SAM Dean...all this...it's not real. The dad Adam knew—he wasn't real. The things out there in the shadows—they are real. The world is coming to an end. That's real. Everything else is just part of the crap people tell themselves to get through the day.

You know what popped into my head when Sam said that? Dean's voice telling Cas in 4.22 -- You know what's real? People, families -- that's real.

Sam falls into a dark despairing mindset where all he can see is monsters and he is losing his heart. 4.19 ends on an ominous note

DEAN You know, I finally get why you and Dad butted heads so much. You two were practically the same person. SAM looks over. DEAN I mean, I worshipped the guy, you know? I dressed like him, I acted like him, I listen to the same music. But you were more like him than I will ever be. And I see that now. SAM I'll take that as a compliment. DEAN You take it any way you want.

Dean's coming to some realizations about his own hero-worship and imitation of his father, and seeing how he's not in fact, his father, no matter how much he fears it (or used to wish for it), and learning how much Sam is the one who is more like John than he is, despite Sam's lack of imitation and worship.

And without their friends who are like family, Sam and Dean aren't ever finding their way out of this thicket. They'd be lost, the world would be lost.

SPN is first and foremost about love.

[ghostoffuturespast]

Tips For VP When You're Rolling Without Mods

I've just recently gotten into virtual photography (mainly for Cyberpunk 2077) and I don't use mods. I play on console and vanilla PC. (I've noticed images are much crisper on PC but I'm still using the basic photo mode.)

There are a lot of amazing VPers and modders out there who make phenomenal use of mods and put a lot of time and love into their photos which is fantastic! It means we get to see all sorts of beautiful and super cool creative photos of OCs and characters and enviro shots that we'd never be able to see in the base version of the game. It's great!

However, if you don't have access to mods it can be intimidating to start taking photos when all you have is a vanilla version of the game. Unfortunately, these tips will not solve the dilemma of trying to take photos of your otps... But I'm here to tell you that vanilla is a perfectly fine flavor and despite the limitations, with a little ingenuity and problem solving, you too can take awesome photos.

Now, do I take the world's greatest photos? No. But I'm having fun and I enjoy the challenge of having to get creative with the limited set of tools at my disposal and I like taking candid photos. There's something magical about capturing a moment as it's happening.

So, here's what I've learned so far. All the photos below were taken on PS5 and, apart from adjusting the in game camera settings, are unedited.

Lighting

Good lighting will do almost all your work for you in photography. However, unless you're carrying your own light around it's something you have very limited control over in game (and IRL), so you'll have to rely on what you find. There are going to be a lot of instances when you want to take a photo but the lighting just sucks. You learn to work around it. Once you learn to spot good light sources though you'll know them when you see them.

Portrait and character shots can be tricky without mods, NPCs don't always cooperate. But with a little patience and timing you can grab some really wonderful shots. You may need to hop in and out of photo mode a few times in order to get them though, especially if they're moving around.

For portrait style photos you're looking for radiant or diffused sources of light that'll highlight your subject, think ring selfie lights or when you walk into a naturally well lit room without direct sunlight coming in. Strong directional lighting works very well too, it's high contrast and can be very dramatic but you have to be more considerate of the angles and it's harder to utilize when you can't pose or move your subject. Color of light isn't so important (unless you're looking for specific mood lighting), you just need enough light to prevent your subject from looking washed out and blending in with the background.

For landscape or environmental shots you can change the time of day if you're looking for a particular vibe, and weather can add extra ambiance, so there's a bit more freedom with taking these kinds of photos. Different times of day have different types of light, different tones. Warm or cool. And lens flares and glare can make fun effects. Urban settings also generate a lot of their own light, which makes it much easier to photograph as a subject.

Take the time to get to know your light sources as well. Rotate your subjects or camera, if you're able, and check out what the lighting does at different angles.

Play with the sliders

Exposure, contrast, highlights, depth, focus, and field of view are your friends. Get acquainted with them and figure out what settings you like, what works best in what situations, and don't be afraid to push the boundaries! Crank the settings to min and max just so you understand what they do. Hell, even some of the preset effects and camera angles are stellar too depending on what you're trying to accomplish.

Since there's no way to adjust saturation in game, I will typically bump down the exposure and up the contrast and highlights to make subjects stand out more and give the illusion of being more vibrant. I also know photos have a tendency to export darker on PS5, so I've learned to err on the side of making them slightly lighter than I want them. And it's personal preference, but I bump the film grain all the way up. Makes me feel like I'm using an old school camera.

Take the same shot with multiple settings in case something goes wrong or if you don't like the way something came out, or just to see the differences. It'll also give you a reference point for later in terms of what settings work for what kinds of photos you're trying to take.

Find the right angle

Be prepared to do some goofy ass shit for the sake of your photos. Getting in NPC's faces, moving around so characters heads will track your position, cheesing poses, climbing on furniture, scaling buildings and billboards, stealing trucks to use as step stools. It's all part of the fun.

You're gonna look ridiculous playing the floor is lava on desks, doing the slav squat on light posts, standing on top of street sweepers, or crouching like a gremlin on a ledge; but hey, you got the photo. Different angles (high, low, close-up, far) can also help frame your subjects, tell a story, or provide extra visual interest as well. And don't forget you can incorporate the environment too! The landscape can help set the scene, tone, and mood of your photos. I did some kind of parkour to get the photos below.

Break the wall

The camera has a pretty limited range of movement, but sometimes you can break it or it'll break on it's own accord in certain scenarios. (Or V. Break V, your tripod.) Use that to your advantage. Phase through surfaces, rubber band off objects, utilize being able to pan farther than you normally would. Poke holes in physics and embrace the accidents. For instance, I've discovered that you can pan back much farther than normal when you jump onto the top of lamp posts. Like double or triple the amount you normally woud. No clue why, but it's very useful for landscape photos.

If you've played the game a few times and don't mind breaking your immersion you can also take photos during missions and gigs. You won't have the full range of camera options if you pull up photo mode during dialogue, but in between snippets of talking is a great time to snag photos of your favorite characters or places that become unavailable outside of quests.

The photo below was a happy accident and it's still one of my favorite shots I've taken. It looks like something out of a movie. I glitched through the wall, got stuck and ended up behind a fence way outside the range of where the camera is normally stuck around V. Total Bob Ross moment all because I was trying to see how far I could push the camera.

Don't force it

Sometimes you get an idea for a cool shot, but something in the execution is lacking. Maybe it's the lighting or the way it's framed or you can't time it right. Don't sweat it and move on. Or revisit it later. Save often. Not everything has to be a masterpiece and that's okay. Everything is practice.

The most important thing

Have fun! :)

[floralkittygambler]

Coming and Going - Some More Vivzie Shit

Before you start, this is an extremely LONG read covering this account, my views of Viv, my content and my relationships within this Godforsaken fandom. This is my most up to date thoughts in 2023 on everything. This is something I feel necessary for me to do.

Contents (in no particular order):

Current Situation

Relationships in the fandom

Why I started this Blog

Thoughts on Viv/co and how they've changed since m previous posts

the fans

future thoughts and moving on

accountability

If any of this interests you, read ahead. Titles will be provided for easier following.

Why I started this blog

Originally this was a blog like any other; art, reblogs n shit. As I grew more into a Viv fan, I started posting fanart and follow blogs on her work. The more I learned the more I hated, and thus I began to become a critic. I was pissed off at viv wasting her potential, and eventually I became just as toxic and shitty as both her hardcore haters and majority of her fans. Some takes were good, some bad, either way I got too involved, too absorbed and let it consume me. Stupidly getting into conflicts, stuff like that. And I became a hardcore hater. I vocalised it. My initial aims long lost. Then I disappeared.

Vivzie, co, all that

I went from adoration to disgust of this lot. Now though, whilst I deeply dislike Viv and her crew, deeply dislike majority of the fans, I just feel... Gross. Hollow. Exhausted. I have a lot to say on Viv and my previous takes but truthfully I am too lazy and too tired and ultimately have better shit to do than go through every little thing right *now*. But I do want to at least cover a few here to do some justice, I guess.

So to skim through a few. Lets go.

Viv tracing. Honestly, tracing is a useful skill but it's bad when you trace another's work, don't credit and claim it as your own. This includes modified tracing (starting with a trace then stylising over it to make it more your style). Having nazi, nonce, etc characters I think people take extreme. These sorts make excellent "love to hate them" villains. Owning such characters isn't a crime. It's how theyre portrayed and the purpose. The nuance - something to constantly keep in mind. Her romanticism sausage party art is yikes. With her age, maturity, humour, I believe she saw this as some kind of fucked up humour, having enough awareness to understand the taboo to hide this stuff yet I do feel this was a stupid kid doing stupid edgy shit. Does that make it right? No. But I definitely dont think Viv is some nonce or nazi supporter. Later finding out how this profile was discovered makes me equally question morality on all sides. Vivs beastiality nonce artwork with the snake tub, Ive seen private dms to solidify that viv admitted to both owning this piece and that it was supposed to be a joke. Once again, I genuinely dont think shes a nonce BUT she needs to realise that if that character was below 18, she has drawn child prawn (censorship whooo) as well as distributed it via sharing online. That's still something really serious and gross. I get her humour is immature and dark, but theres lines you dont cross. And I dont find that art funny in any ways, it genuinely looks like a perverts wank bank rather than funny. Idk if the lad was one of them shapeshifting animals either but being in a human form in this instance does make the portrayal a beastiality one, due to human presenting. That's not cool. As much as I loathe those who would abuse kids or animals, I dont think this is Viv necessarily. Though I believe in this sense, Viv needs to understand and work with her cats more. She's done a lot of wrong shit but false accusations derail from solid proven issues that need addressing. At the least, Im glad the animal pervs and nonce stuff is gone. Heartbreaking that shit is so often heard of. This is the sort of thing Id laugh at as a kid but now Im grown and look after little ones, it fills me with nothing but sickening horror. Whilst vile vile vile, I havent seen anything concrete to prove or imply Viv supporting/participating in such depravity. And I fucking pray it stays that way.

You have apologised in the past. But the way you did so, the way you spoke about it afterwards and the way you are now proves it was insincere. Something to shut 'haters' up.

Viv, with all your shit, neurodiversity and late maturity, you're still yet to change for the better. The people you hang with are some of the most vile, toxic, narcissistic and shitty people. Yes men. You hire fans who'll do anything to please you, which can open the path to abuse (note: CAN, not a definitive, though in this case...). You equally are still a shitty person still. You're coming apart at the seams. Critique and hate aren't the same, and unfortunately you'll need adaptability and tough skin in this world as people can be very cruel. You lie. You twist like a constrictor. Charm the more susceptible. A very well known kissarse of yours on twitter who was quite the bully was followed by yourself, liked tweets then hired. They arent the only one either. Whilst you cannot be responsible for every single fans every single action, their are responsibilities you hold. Dont like tweets that encourage hate, dont reward negative behaviours, check your own public actions and how they may influence (act like a prick and those who admire you will mimic). Behind the scenes, treat people right. Dont play favourites. Always have integrity. Learn to incorporate critiques as well as filter out legitimate hate. I know it's not easy, but it's necessary to survive.

Viv, I can wholeheartedly empathise with receiving harsh hate early on in life and online. I know how that can taint and stunt the mind. But the thing is, you have to eventually break from that. BE responsible. Grow. Ive been toxic before. That's partially why I fixate on some of this. Equally Im angry. You ARE a VERY talented artist with potential. A shitty writer, do work on that (as well as diverse stories to tell - gain those experiences or listen to those who've been there - esp as you're doing this as a living) but when you're passionate about a piece, you're talented. And when you're not, you do what we all do and dole shite out (btw people thought I was bullying Viv when I said her P5 Alastor piece was bad in comparison to her other works. The proportions were awful, you could tell she just wanted it out the way. A startling lack of soul.) From what I've seen, you crave approval and admiration to compensate from the past cruelty. I can empathise. But that shit isnt healthy. And you block yourself from growth. You cultivate a tainted crop. You poison yourself. You sacrifice integrity and the gruelling work of improvement for the instant gratification of worship from fans by bending to their desires and your own at the cost of quality. What couldve been groundbreaking storytelling and visuals is nothing more than a glorified low-level fanfic. Wasted potential. Something I cant stand. I have been harsh as that same method helped me. In doing so, I disregarded your own humanity. I wish I conducted myself better and though I never encouraged abuse, I'm sorry that my words may have contributed to this shit cycle.

Your staff and many of your fans have... Concerning attributes, such as the fetishing of toxic relationships, blurred boundaries, disregard of boundaries, etc. The stark numbers of such unpleasant people flocking you is extremely worrying.

I do deeply dislike you. I do feel you have ultimately caused your own shit - been there - but I do pity you as well. I wish you'd go the effort to be you. To be less try hard. To allow growth and change, diversity, stop petting hatred. Get a better crowd, esp one willing to actually help you to be better by pointing shit out. To stop mass abusing others. I do dislike you greatly. I wish you would do better but all you've been doing is doubling down on shit. I feel Icarus needs to fly closer to the Sun for change to happen. It feels like the only way you may actually ground yourself and smell the roses. I just wish folk could be better as a whole. Sick of shit like this. Whilst no one is perfect, there's still standards to uphold. Growth to be had. Breach stereotypes and fetishes that dehumanise, work on yourself and your relationships with others. Careful on your humour and learn how to execute humour properly. Glad you're not doing beastiality art though. You cant please everyone and shouldnt have to in order to be admired and popular. Just be better. Also hating kids isnt a personality. I get not everyone cares about them but dont take shit too far. They can be gross and annoying but in the end they're just... Children. Theyre learning and growing. You can only hope they bloom into decent people. Admittedly a kid tripping is pretty funny but there's a limit. If you want to portray a creep, don't do anything that endorses their behaviours. Theyre vile, remember. No kid deserves that. Work on financing too. Medicating via shopping is a dangerous road. Dont bend to social pressures (such as getting wasted because friends do if you dont want to). Vet your staff. Better ethics.

Fandom

And the fans are just... A minority are lovely. I had a HuskerDust fan be respectful of our differences and hope the best for them. But the majority I've encountered or witnessed have been off their fucking heads. Often encouraged by Viv or staff. The staff and fans are now claiming that critics are homophobic racists falsely (which implies certain races, sexualities, identities, etc are absolved of criticism - which is both favouritism and it's own form of bigotry. Hell, it's spitting on the real victims of such crimes over mediocre cartoons and digital lunacy). These same people then insult people for... being cis and straight. Firstly, that's also bigotry and a dick move on identity and invalidation, it's also false in some cases (proving folks just spew shit), it demands special treatment for identities when we're all equal and deserve to be treated with equity, it's also just... Weak. Bigots can fuck off BUT many critiques have been about inconsistency in plots, writing and design issues, etc. Nothing pertaining identity.

Fans have been hypocritical like their idol. We're all hypocritical to an extent. But the madness... Ok, Blitzo uses retard (note: neurodivergant and have right to say that word, even then it also means delay "fire retardant" as well as where I live it's not nearly as bad as another term used yet is still fine in the US.) I think this isn't an issue as it can show things or speech patterns of the character. Then fans have falsely accused critics of ableism who either havent used the word, quoting this or even have right to say it yet coddle this fictional character. This was referenced in a recent episode with Blitzo about to call another character (rumours are this nurse is autistic but I do NOT have full confirmation. Pinch of salt!) retard before retracting it as it being unacceptable to say. Blitzo really wouldnt give a shit. Likewise I feel this is one of those permanant grey areas in fiction; is it? Isnt it? in terms of using terms. Of Mice and Men used slurs against black folk, that was to reflect that time and the character's mentalities. Not an author's mirror. Likewise, it wasn't used as humour either. Coming from ONE ND, I couldn't care. I feel this is hyperfocused on over more glaring issues, as well as a benefit of the doubt (being character mindset and possibly not author projection). Feel free to have your own opinions, and I only speak for myself there. I can empathise with those who may feel more sensitive to the word (which is why Im more careful in it's use) but as someone who is also technically affected, I just... Personally dont feel too bothered. Likewise, I'm learning to hold more human compassion and flexibility to error and human flaws rather than perfect standards (again, this wont justify or absolve. And more serious things like an assault doesnt apply. It's daft this needs clarifying, it should be the bare minimal). Not everyone will agree on everything, but there's just some lines that should be a standard. I think the staff and fans overall conduct themselves immaturely, cruelly, and cause harm.

I regret in engaging in some arguments. Not worth it. I think I shouldve been more compassionate to difference yet equally not been so volatile with harassment. HunterGirl's HD discord hate on me is... Something I shouldn't have fed. Hate me, that's fine. But the fact someone so close to Viv allowed the harassment is disappointing and shitty. Bitch behind the scenes but dont go out at people. Likewise behind the scenes talk, dont threaten folk either *Viv* (at one of your ex-staff). Call someone the biggest wanker you know but there are limits you dont cross. As with Viv and co, I once hoped for improvement but I just lack faith in that now and I'd just rather stay away from it all. Too much toxicity I've allowed myself to bathe in and hatred and venom only burns. Only burns more of the same product. It's not worth it. Don't even have the skills or assets to do any good from this either. If I can't help, itd be best to support those who can help whilst staying away from the vitriol. Stick to the facts and my own integrity. It's tiring to be involved in all... this. Again, I can only speak on myself hence why I'm only saying me shit. Any vents can be done to friends but otherwise none of this has resulted in any good. And I contributed to cruelty as well. It aint right.

Friendships

Bit more personal and past. Ive made many nice friends. Friends Im still friends with now, and I thank them. With certain issues arising, theyve been the anchors to ground and account me. Real friends. Friends that deserve to be shown more how appreciated they really are. Thank you. They have guided me into better awareness and accountability. We have our own little group now for art, gaming and hopefully any other group activities. Friend stuff. We'll rant, we'll vent, but we're actually doing friend shit now. Ive hyperfixated enough on negatives. Dragged others into an abyss with me. Its not fair for them.

There is a friend here, I think they dont see my stuff anymore idk. I was warned about them. Through all Ive seen and my experiences, I wish you to get help. Get off tumblr. Get off twitter. Both can be extremely toxic as well as cultivate toxicity. Be accountable. Get help. And focus on you. I still worry for you, though I am disgusted on some of your actions. Treat the living with respect. Learn that people will try to bait you. Let go of paranoia (not easy), confront your past and grow. And please... Dont lie. Dont lie about events that occur as you're creating your own misery. Learn to step back and not be so forceful and preachy. Been there, it's not a good place. Experience a diverse crowd on a human level. And please spend some time away from the internet. People really can be pricks sometimes. Even ourselves. You're also pretty hair trigger and tempered. A bit like me sometimes LOL. Learn to balance that. Trust me.

To mates on here who Ive only spoken to here, if you'd still like to be mates, I can link you our group if you're up for group art and gaming or activities, or to another social media account to chat.

To unanswered asks, I'll try but not promise to address them. Those which ended up deleted, I can only remember the one question sorry. And the answer is Sitri. Sitri would be a good HB replacement for Stolas, he's quite the love/lust expert and a focus on men. Fun chap! I had more for this answer but again, cant be arsed with this shit anymore. Sorry.

I joined a spindle critique group. What I learned is the union from bitterness isnt solid grounds for friendship. I wont go into details as it's a private and resolved matter. I shared the full log to current friends to have a neutral and raw take. These are friends I can trust will yank my chain if Im in the wrong. And they did. They spoke of the wrongs on both sides. These are folks who are guiding me to better. Folks I have trusted with the full log, full transparency. I appreciate you both and take your words into stride daily. To old friends, I would rather friends make their own choices. I never hated you, but was hurt on this other side of you. Likewise Im sorry to make you feel that way. Im sorry to have trauma dumped (recently discovered this term, and using it to manage myself better.) There was only one individual that I was given uneasy vibes on and made that clear from the start. I tried with them. For awhile, I even started to see them as a genuine friend. In the end, we were too clashing. We didn't mesh well. My initial feeling on the situation ultimately felt true. But when I open up about home issues and emotions, I dont want them weaponised. Especially as Ive been doing some irl work to find many holes in my perspective as well as others hard work in being involved with me. Things are different now. Never felt it needed in convo, I was too fixed on my own hurt. Home was self preservation at those times. I regret opening up over some personal issues. None of this absolves me of poorly handling situations and anger issues. Near the end, I felt more wary to be more open on certain things. But I shouldve been a better friend. I never liked how catty things got. Trolled. We all just became knobs in one way or another.

My ask to remove my triggers was me hoping to do good for you. Remove a trigger that would inevitably end up being a large part of the group sooner or later, maybe this summer. Especially as I 'lacked empathy'. I thought I was doing good. I never lied about it, and feel bitter that was twisted. If I explained something, I was wrong. Kept it brief, I was bitchy. I was willing to endure a trigger if it made things easier in the group, and the situation was more than a stupid ship. Ive had triggers Ive adapted to handle better now. And public, you are not entitled to my medical history however we're in an age where youre both valid and entitled to privacy yet must breach privacy to have a voice. I have an ED. A certain word wasn't even allowed in my presence without panic and flashbacks. I was a little girl then. And I managed to slowly ease the trigger word via gradual exposure - a replacement word, spelling the word, and eventually hearing the word. It - and what it has done to me - will always scar me. But I learned to handle it better in my own time. I dont need lecturing on how triggers work. Especially when each case is unique, each 'cure' is personalised. If you want to believe Im full of shit then... Do that. Im sorry for being a shitty friend at times and Im working on that, but outside opinions (note: these are done in private spaces so all parties are anon) have noted flaw on your end too. We all fucked up. The two things below the belt were the trigger claims (hence my example of my own experiences with another trigger) and my private issues shared in confidant are the two things I remain disgusted by. That doesnt justify my frustrations, dumping or behaviour. And my example is not a pity ploy either. We're separate now, and it's best that way.

Overall, being here, in this community and fandom, has done nothing but shit. Fuelled the worst in me and others (from what ive seen in public fandom spaces). I may do art and other creative endevours on spindle, but otherwise good riddance. Even if the purge is painful.

Another friend. Im in their group too. One to improve some creative skills. Appreciate being let in there, though I'll probably mainly lurk for tips. Thank you for allowing me to do so. Wording is honestly growing harder for me each day. It's helping me start the path of better expression.

Current and future

I word shit less. Not here, as this is long overdue. But trying to sum up more efficiently. Spending more time irl to improve myself and my life. Welcoming friends who we both can hold each other accountable and support. Focusing more on stuff to improve as well as enjoy. The world is so dismal. So I spend time doing other stuff. Im already mopey enough. Sorting things to refine and focus on enjoyments. Gaining skills to help others. Experienced some personal griefs/losses. And Im learning that people arent entitled to everything. Not quite there yet but Im learning. Im often in deep pain, so cant always do what I want to get done in a day.

Most likely, I will discontinue this. Besides others have been doing a brilliant job. Dont absorb yourself. You can control much of what you get exposed to, so what you can control, make it good! Have integrity, work on yourselves. Try not to be a dickhead but acknowledge where you are a dickhead and work on that. Balance is key to a healthy mind, take the good with the not so good. Take the time to simply sit outside and observe. Appreciate life. Similarities and differences. Nothing is perfect. No one is perfect. But have your standards. Learn. Grow.

Im in a lot of pain and have shit to do. Take care. I feel Viv, co, fans will only learn with drastics, haters need to learn empathy (haters as in stalker level folk), old friends Im sorry to hurt and equally feel hurt by. Best we've gone separate ways and moving on. Current friends I appreciate. That one person, please... PLEASE get help. Youre young, man- This shit is going to poison your very core. Make you into something shitty and cruel. And please treat animals with care. Me, still a twat but trying. Embrace truth, compassion and fairness with a firm angle. Or just avoid nasty shit.

Well, cya. Stay well. We're not going to be here forever.

[l-e-morgan-author]

Love in Hands Made For Gentleness

One of the themes in this book are the different forms of love, and - like many others - I think about the Greek words to ensure I explore it the way I want to. It's an interesting thing to think about, how each form of love is manifested, and is something I hold very close to my heart, because after all 'these three abide, but the greatest of these is love'. Given that both faith and hope are also crucial elements (hope gets more of a talking-about, but that's inextricably tied into faith as it is for me), it's important that I don't forget about their greater counterpart, love. I wanted to break it down and discuss a bit about how the different forms of love are displayed.

This necessarily involves spoilers, so if you want to scroll right past and remain unspoiled, feel free to! (And yes, I do indeed overanalyse my own works, what of it?) Also note: trigger warnings consistent with the book itself, since some of the topics discussed may be distressing (if you find discussion of topics like suicide distressing, a) please take care of yourself, and b) this probably won't be the book for you).

So in no particular order:

Philia

Philia is the love of friends, platonic love. This is really where Vaniah and Anneka start out, in a way - very good friends, very affectionate, and entirely platonic. Before we get into the more complicated feelings as they grow closer after their marriage, one of my aims with this book is to emphasise the importance of platonic love, as well as its depth, and that it absolutely doesn't need to romantic to be very close and extremely important to the people in it. For Vaniah, Anneka is the most important person in his life, even before their marriage.

Eros

Eros is the interesting one here to me - the passionate romantic or sexual love. It's definitely important to this story and these characters; Vaniah has some trauma around all of this to work through, but ultimately, they're married, they're going to be doing married people shenanigans. (Not on page, don't worry. There'll be discussions around that topic, as necessary, but since it's not a topic I really want to touch for personal reasons I doubt it'll have a great deal of page time.) It's important, but most of the hints around it will probably be accidental; I know I've shared excerpts that are just them playing around and being silly, and certain people look at them and see sexual undertones I never intended. Ah well.

Agape

Agape is the most important love here, I think - the self-sacrificing, selfless love. It's unconditional, and very much represents the bond between Vaniah and Anneka as it heals. Both are willing to do whatever it takes for the other to grow better and closer to God, at least in theory, and over time that translates to wanting their own healing in order to stop grieving the other person (more relevant for Vaniah than Anneka). At a certain point with a lot of mental problems, I feel like one stops caring about healing, and it's a struggle sometimes to remember why you would try, because it's easier to just exist and not try to improve. Over time, though, Vaniah and Anneka help one another to heal from their respective problems. They won't go away completely, of course, but whatever they can do to help, they do, and I love them for it. Anneka, for instance, is very willing to hear about dark, graphic thoughts and see some very graphic things, if it will help Vaniah (like when she helps him to care for self-inflicted wounds, which understandably deeply upsets her). Despite how it may make her feel, she's determined to continue to love him no matter what, and that's something she emphasises, especially when he gets existential and at one point even suggests she should divorce him and let him die by his own hand. (She refuses, reminds him of her love and God's love, and pulls out verses to support her point.)

Storge

Storge is the familiar love, love of family. This is one most represented by Anneka's bond with her brother, Ben. While Vaniah has two siblings, one is already dead by the start of the story, and the other, Susan, doesn't get a great deal of page time. Because the story is told from Anneka's point of view, the two most important male characters are Vaniah and Ben. Her relationship with Ben mimics my own bond with my siblings. I wanted him to be her protector, to some extent, until that role is handed more to Vaniah. Though she can stand for herself, Anneka still needs the love and support of her family and friends, just like we all do. For Vaniah and Anneka, the support and protection goes both ways.

Mania

Mania is another interesting one, and not one I'd really considered specifically until writing this post. As part of his mental health journey, Vaniah sometimes veers close to obsession, or stumbles into it completely. He is at times violent, but never towards Anneka, only himself. There's a spice of codependency as well, as they both know he would have committed suicide years earlier if it hadn't been for her, and at times, at his lowest, he resents her for it. There are a lot of toxic emotions tied up into this relationship, but together (and with the help of others from their church) they work through it and out the other side.

Ludus

This is another form of love I hadn't considered until writing this post, but I'm glad I did. It's an integral part of Vaniah and Anneka's relationship, and serves to lighten the admittedly heavy tone of this book. They have a lot of fun together, even despite the terrible darkness that sometimes assails one or both of them, and it's important to remember. It's also tied into the banter between Anneka and Ben, which can sometimes be pretty similar to the way Vaniah and Anneka interact. But they absolutely can't be sad or depressed all the time, because that would be a terrible book to read. I need to work more on putting this in, and the balance between light and dark, so that it doesn't feel jarring or confusing, or different to the tone of the rest of the book.

Pragma

Pragma is an enduring love, and it's extremely important to their relationship. Both Vaniah and Anneka have to make compromises to make things work, and as they mature and heal from their traumas and disorders, they learn to work together better, and the codependency they previously experienced is transformed into a strong, healthy and abiding bond in Christ.

Philautia

Oh look, another one I hadn't expressly thought about before this post! Philautia is the love of self. This one is interesting because it ties into my opinion that both 'self love' and 'self hatred' are expressions of self obsession, which isn't really a very good thing, obviously. At the start of the story, Vaniah absolutely can't get past his feelings about himself, his guilt over what he was forced to do or chose to do, and the way he perceives himself at that point. However, as it progresses, he learns to forgive himself (there's one scene in which Anneka argues that God has forgiven him if he has repented, and he bitterly retorts that all he needs to do is forgive himself, for he has repented a thousand times), and finally to move on after years of feeling stuck in one place. This is only really possible after he hits the lowest point and attempts suicide, and finally makes the decision that he will never end his own life, no matter what. He eventually reaches a point at which he is less self-obsessed (tying it in to the development of agape love as well), and is able to look more outwards without obsessing over his own behaviour; he doesn't love himself, but he has learned to accept himself and to largely stop punishing himself for his own existence, which is what is tied into his significant habit of self-harm. (Which he does eventually manage to stop completely; I'm not sure that's entirely possible for some or even most people, at least given how established it is as a coping mechanism for him, but there might be a little bit of wishful thinking helping this one along, and that's okay.)

So those are the different forms of love as expressed in this story! I could probably talk a lot more about them if I sat down and thought about it for even longer, but I really shouldn't. I have an exam to study for. God be with you.

In a slightly edited form, this post will also be available on my website, lemorganauthor.wordpress.com, shortly. (Edit: the post is now available at this link which I hope works because I've never done a hyperlink on tumblr before.)

[kuwdora]

For Talk Shop Tuesday: When you have a new fic idea, are you a planner who outlines things, or do you just wing it and let your story go where it will?

I've been both a pantser and planner over the years. I used to go naked into a draft and to see where it takes me. I find that really fun and interesting to explore. But these days I'm very scattered and unfocused since my writing habits have been messed up by stress. I find myself needing a little structure to get me started and help me remember where the idea might be leading me. So these days I'm doing more outlining. I love me a good list of bulletpoints. When I'm starting out I usually just have sparse ideas I jot down and the outline will grow from there. While drafting I'll prune and start tossing things into a separate idea bucket as things evolve, 'cause I still wander off the beaten path and end up writing things that don't end up fitting for that particular story but would probably make a nice little ficlet or another long story. For instance: I was stuck on my geralt/jaskier scribe fic and I tried to write what happened before the fic started so I could understand their headspaces a little better.... I had no outline, just an idea and a question in mind. In like a week I ended up writing 18k of backstory of what was feeling like a new 50k story that would also lead to two other stories. I just end up having too many ideas for most of the fic I end up starting. I've found my messy gardening process works best for my stories that are in the 10k-25k range. Stories that are longer I end up with a bloated outline that isn't benefiting me as much as it should cause it just gets out of control. Which is probably why I haven't managed to finish or post any of my longer fic. My stories that are less than 4k are easier for me wrestle without much detail in ye olde bulletpoints.

[outrunningthedark]

I have to say your take on the Buckley parents is always so intriguing to me not only because you have learned experience but also because you are so open to differing opinions. I don't have children and honestly don't believe that anyone who hasn't had children and lost one of them can truly say what they would do in that situation. I had a cousin that died at 11 years old and my Aunt was never the same. Her two other children had consequences growing up because of it. But when people in this fandom villainize the Buckley's and morally proclaim that they would never do that if they were a parent just completely miss the point in my opinion. And that is there is no one way to grieve. Each person is different and while their actions will have consequences for those around them, telling people they are grieving wrong is just sanctimonious. I think there are a lot of lessons to be learned by the behavior of people we watch - good, bad and ugly. And I think a lot of times the fandom forgets this. Not everything is supposed to go your way. You aren't supposed to like how everything is done. But we can learn from the behaviors we see displayed on our screen and with these characters we have latched onto and apply these experiences in our own lives to shape what we want out of our lives.

Hey, thanks for being polite with your message, nonnie! Not everybody has been as thoughtful. ;) The way this fandom talks about the Buckley parents is so...funny? to me, because they, too, have their own "I understand this story line better than you because I've been through it." moments (for instance, Maddie's past with Doug), but it's the Buckley family's grief (or say, a story line like Shannon's) were personal experience does not apply because they believe what they want to believe, lol. Truth be told, I think there's two areas of this arc where people have their blinders on: - the savior baby detail of it all. they're terrible parents for having a third child to try and save another, fine. i'm not gonna argue about that. but buck hasn't been the only child that suffered in the aftermath of his brother's death; the neglect was part of maddie's upbringing, too. the fandom makes everything about buck's feelings and buck's "purpose" and i'm just...how can we not see that the pain over a son's death was so strong that they took it out on the daughter who wasn't involved? it's not about buck as much as it about losing daniel. i will continue to maintain that margaret, in particular, found it easier to keep her distance because she felt like she'd failed as a mother and didn't want to put herself through that kind of pain again. (was it fair to her kids? absolutely not. but i understand such reasoning.) - too much focus on whether the parents are "good" or "bad" and not enough reflection on whether their story is an authentic take on a tough situation. i remember in s4 when maddie "defended" their parents behavior and people were mad because she was "excusing abuse" or however they put it. no. no no no no. maddie is the sibling that got to witness/to feel her parents' love before buck was born. maddie is the sibling that remembers how quickly everything changed after daniel died. when she said they were grieving, and still are? that's her acknowledging how fucked up it is that their parents had to bury an eight-year-old. she's not excusing anything. she's saying she understands where it came from, how it started. there are layers to the story that buck didn't know, and that made it harder for him (and the audience, apparently) to comprehend/sympathize with the parents' actions and words.

The Buckley parents biggest mistake was acting like Daniel never existed, making Maddie stay silent. I think we all agree on that. But it's not uncommon. Not discussing a sibling who is no longer living is comparable to never mentioning a sibling that was given up for adoption. If a parent has a part of their past they don't want to relive because it's too painful or they have regrets...they won't talk about it. It's selfish, sure. But people need to understand that, a lot of the time, the immediate response is to feel like you're the only one experiencing that pain and nobody else can relate. It's why the "Why me?" mentality exists. For example, my mother has always referenced *her* when grieving and my sisters and I have to remind her that we lost out, too. She was ours, too. It's not our fault that we weren't old enough to offer comfort and support. It's not our fault that two of us weren't even old enough to realize someone was gone. TL;DR Idgaf if anyone thinks the Buckley parents are awful parents. Idgaf if you hate them, because I (honestly) think that was the initial goal. They're the antagonists in Buck's story. (Drawing off of something this nonnie wrote) But to say "I would never do that" or question how a parent could do that is just being angry for the sake of being angry. You have no idea what you'd do. You have no idea how bad it can get on the darkest of days. The Buckley parents are an example of what not to do. But you gotta work at it. You gotta want it. Otherwise... you will end up hating yourself more than anyone else can ever hate you.

[upon-blades-twilight]

Rules & Mun Info & Credits

I often go by Greed or Kris, although others will also refer to me by names of the in game characters they've met and known me as. These are typically Vergil, Shiki, and Nishiki. My main and personal whatever blog is @everdreamtree and where my follow backs and asks will be from.

I'm 37 and Genderfluid. Any pronouns are fine. I'm a caregiver IRL to my room mate and best friend @dante-al-dente so it's very often that I'm busy. Replies can be slow due to that. I do play Final Fantasy XIV as Vergil Azureheart on Brynhildr / Crystal NA data center and veey much welcome friending and interacting on there.

I also love to draw. If that's any interest to you, my art blog is @autophagy but any Devil May Cry related art I do will be reblogged here. Sometimes I also stream my art if that interests you too. I don't do commissions as I don't feel ready to do them yet.

Chatting is nice too. If you're feeling lonely, or just have a question, feel free to message me. It's easier to contact me on discord, so please ask for that if you prefer.

Rules:

Adult muns only! There will be mature content on here. I'm fine interacting with muses that are minors, but I will cut things off if I feel like it's getting weird.

Be respectful and kind and I will do the same.

Private messages are always open. Especially if you're shy or want to discuss something like plot details.

English not your first language? That's absolutely fine so long as we can communicate plenty well enough that we can understand one another. In fact, let me know if you'd rather I simplify my vocabulary and sentence structure for you. I will happily oblige.

You do not have to be an experienced rper to write plots with me. You'll always be welcome even if it's your first time.

There is no rush to reply or any kind of post requirements. Do what you feel comfortable with and just enjoy yourself. I'm a caregiver IRL and have a lot that occupies me from day to day, so I'll take a while with replies.

Alternate and Cross Universes are totally fine.

OCs and canon characters from other fandoms are also welcome.

Doubles are absolutely fine. It doesn't matter what characters I'm currently active with, your's will be welcome, too. That includes other Vergils. We could always play with ideas like doppelgangers or Blue Vergil + Red Vergil.

Crippling bodily harm and death to my characters must be talked about first. I allow it, but it'll only be true for that particular thread. Actually I encourage it.

Romance is a very iffy subject for me when it comes to interaction with other muses. I have nothing against it but I have had one too many bad instances to be willing to write it with others. Solo writing and one off asks are fine, but for now I rather not have any role play relationships with other people's muses where romance is the main objective. I'm sorry I'm just not comfortable with it anymore.

Discord RP is very fine too if you prefer. Ask me for my discord ID.

Anyone is welcome to send asks and/or prompts. You do not have to be a role player yourself, or have the intent to role play with me. See tag list for the prompts I have reblogged. Prompt lists and ask memes don't have a use-by date, and you can send as such from lists I haven't reblogged. If you do this, please include a link to the list/meme in question otherwise I may not understand it.

Prompts and asks do not have to be based on my main canon divergent arc or Ouroboros. Please state if you want a more canon, time specific, or even muse or person specific answer. Such as a question for me where the answer is very dependant on a specific muse I interact with, maybe even your muse, or even you as in yourself. Or maybe you wish to have an answer from Vergil from DMC3, rather than Vergil from DMC5. If nothing is specified or obvious then I will choose on a whim.

You may reblog ask memes and prompts from me without sending me an ask or prompt from the list. It's very much appreciated if you do, but I don't mind at all if you don't.

@saradika

@animatedglittergraphics-n-more

@benkeibear

@kafekitsune

[icannotreadcursive]

I've never finished an entire fanfic. While I'm embarrassed to say it I've probably only finished 8 to 12 books for fun in my life.

Could you give me one work on A03 I should read if I promise to devote most of an afternoon to understanding it?

I really enjoyed "The Sandman" by Neil Gaiman.

I read "Sophie's World" by Jostein Gaarder as a teenager. It had a lasting and profound effect on me.

I also finished "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse.

Once, I found an audio book I love. I listened to all 18 hours probably 4 or 5 times while driving across the country. It is called "From Yao to Mao: 5000 Years of Chinese History" by Ken Hammond.

I think I want a story that explains the truth about finding love and doesn't just tell people what they want to hear, the way most rom-coms seem to do.

I don't really know what I want though. I'm hoping you will help me.

I've heard so much bad advice from romantic stories. They usually hurt now and I usually stop reading when stories get romantic.

I would like to give it another try someday.

I'm not sure that I can give you one fanfic you should read.

You and I are different people, with different life experiences, different relationships to media, and different tastes. A fic I find moving and worthwhile may strike you as trite and obnoxious. Conversely, one that might end up speaking to you, I might've dismissed out of hand for one reason or another.

What I can do, though, is tell you there is absolutely no shame in not being a big reader, give you some advice that may make it easier to find fic you will enjoy, and offer a few recomendations of fics that I think are particularly good.

So, advice

To begin with: If you want to better your chances of finishing reading something, filter your Ao3 searches with a maximum word count. Under about 15000 words is usually easy to read in a sitting or two, even for my burnt out dyslexic self. If listening works better for you than reading, look into podfics. That's right, people make audiobooks of fanfic, for free! If you'd rather avoid romantic stories, filter your searches to only show you results categorized as G - Gen. Genfic, as it's lovingly called, is fic that is not going to be focused on romantic or sexual relationships, and instead is usually about friendships, familial dynamics, or character studies. (Unless it's been mis-sorted, in which case it's a different problem.)

Relatedly, you may want to look for relationship tags that use an & rather than a /, such as [Alice & Bob}, which will give you stories about Alice and Bob as a platonic relationship, instead of [Alice/Bob], which would give you Alice and Bob as a romantic couple.

Now, it is true that keeping to the world of genfic will cut you off from a huge swath of the fic that's out there on Ao3, so you may end up wanting to wade into other categories of fic.

I'm also very much not a fan of how a lot of media--especially romcoms--depict romantic relationships. In particular, they way they tend to treat things that should be big red flags like they're cute, and the way often completely gloss over the kind of working-through-shit-is-hard-and-necessary that's the reality of all interpersonal relationships. One of the things that I like about fanfic is that it's often easier to find fic that handles those sorts of things well. Certainly doesn't mean they all do, but I find the odds are better. Some fandoms and some ships are overall better about that than others, depending in large part on the demographics of fanfic writers attracted to that fandom ad those characters, and on the existing character dynamics from the source material. For instance, the Clint/Coulson ship in the Marvel fandom has a base of writers that's largely made up of fully adult and older adult women, and the source text being drawn from for those characters already has elements in it of balancing professional duty with personal life and dealing with loss and healing, so you get quite a lot of fic that's interested in really digging into the emotional complexities and difficulties of starting, maintaining, and/or patching up a relationship as an adult.

A very good writer for that ship, if you'd like to check it out, is Ao3 user cakeisnotpie.

Relatedly, fic for older and more mature media that's more likely to have an older writer base, or have a backlog of fic from when when fandom was less online and was less accessible to high schoolers is also more likely to be more nuanced and mature. The Firefly fandom leans that way, as does some Star Trek (though the Trek fandom is so big it's a very mixed bag). The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin is an excellent book with a lot of good thoughtful fic, if you're into that flavor of sci-fi.

The discomfort of the gap between media romance and real life can also be eased by seeking out stories about relationships that are unlike relationships you're ever going to be in. It's well documented that a big part of why many women, regardless of orientation, gravitate towards m/m romances is the freedom from self-comparison afforded by not having a woman in the relationship. A similar dynamic can exist for anyone. That can also be part of the draw for highly fantastical stories with improbable premises or fantasy/sci fi settings very different from our own daily reality. The distance gives us room to play.

In conjunction with that, it helps to be mindful of your own mindset when looking at stories. If what you're reading is just trying to weave a fantasy, don't look to it for advice. If it's exploring puppy love, don't ask it for maturity. Sometimes we have to meet a story where it is, and if that's a place we don't want to go, we have to recognize that's just a matter of our preference, not necessarily something the story is doing wrong, frustrating as it may be.

Think of characters that speak to you, that interest you, that you'd like to explore more about and look for fic about them. Exclude tags liberally as you recognize what you don't want to read--that's usually easier to figure out than what you do. Try not to get discouraged if you feel like you're throwing out a lot more than you're finding interesting. Despite how some people talk about it, this is not a competition won by volume read. It's more like prospecting for gold.

Now for recommendations

Fair warning that most of the fic I engage with, as writer or reader, have at least an element of m/m romance to them. If you really don't wanna touch that, there's not much I can give you.

Feel free to check out any of the following, or not, depending on if they sound interesting, if you're familiar with the fandom, or if you just like the title.

Thing's I've written that may work for you:

Momento Ipsum - fandom: The Old Guard. Approx 19,000 words. Set more or less modern day, more or less in the reality of the movie. A couple romantic relationships are present, but the focus is much more on individuals' self of self and how they relate to their own pasts.

Snacks and Midnight Blues - fandom: The Old Guard. Approx 3,000 words. Nice and short, just a late night conversation between friends, with some grappling with mortality or lack thereof. Some couply cuteness when one character's husband walks in near the end.

The First Annual Family Of Promise Roadtrip - fandom: The Witcher. Approx 17,000 words. Set in a modern day AU, it's a road trip to the beach. The core of the story is the relationship an adult friendgroup all develop with one member's teenaged goddaughter. Very much a familial/intergenerational-friendship thing. That said, there is a central thread involving intimate partnership where one person is aromantic.

Dinner Buffet, and a Fanta - fandom: Venom (Marvel). Approx 1,500 words. A waitress recounts the very weird shift she had one day when a guy with an alien symbiote got seated in her section. It's just fun.

Things other people have written:

More Man than You - fandom: Captain America. Approx 36,000 words. This is probably the best fanfic I've ever read, in my wholly subjective opinion. It's an incredibly well researched and nuanced exploration of what life would have been like for Steve Rogers as a queer man in the 1930s and 40s, including while at war, and how he would have related to his sexuality, the people and society around him, and the queer subculture of the time. There is sex and romance, all of which is in service of the character study and sociological exploration. It certainly doesn't sugar coat the difficulties of interpersonal relationships.

That's really all I have for you. I hope you find this helpful. For guidance navigating Ao3's function's I recommend @ao3commentoftheday's #howtoao3 tag. You can also reference my Fanfic Author's Guide to Metatext for some help with how people use tags, though--as the title suggests--the guide is more aimed at writers.

Best of luck, and may you find stories that speak to you!

[icharchivist]

While I don't completely agree with your assessment that the knights are hotter than Belial, I respect your opinion. Also, granted, Belial is flaunting his hotness more. If Percy or Siegfried got a unit of them wearing nothing but a g-string, we'll see if my tune changes

And I do admit those guys have much less baggage and it would be nice in theory to get to go on a date without the risk of getting murdered by the hot guy you're going out with....

"If Percy or Siegfried got a unit of them wearing nothing but a g-string" does summer siegfried means nothing to u. the man didn't wear a push up bra as a swimsuit to be disregarded as not slutty enough :(

(also he does wear a mankini under his yukata i'm not letting anyone forget this)

but this is fair, i understand your point of view as well. I do think that out of raw sexiness alone, especially like, design alone, perhaps Belial would be hotter in some circumstances, but the fact Percival and Siegfried have a very sweet personality that takes less "having to cope with the fact they're a terrible person" to enjoy, it makes them even easier on the eye

.... but also i find long hair, especially on men, incredibly sexy, so the longer the hair the more likely it is to have an effect on me, and Siegfried really hits that sweet spot. And aside from that i do have a type for red hair, and Percival also has the exact same haircut as Zack Fair (aka my first fictional character love) so my opinions are swayed by that. Also Percival's waist being absolutely snatched genuinely is the sexiest thing in the world to me.

As a whole, maybe Belial would be hotter, but Siegfried and Percival hits too much design points that genuinely make me melt so eventually they get more points than Belial to me.

And yeah, then there's their personalities to take into account, and yeah, there would be less bagages and less risks. Granted, the risks of being killed is a feature, not a bug, of going out with Belial. If i want to date him it would be out of wanting to studying him like a big, so, the risks and stuff is actually the compelling parts!

But it's true that Percival and Siegfried would be far better for casual dates when you don't feel like going on a survival mode to have a good time.

Percival's dates are obviously made to cater to me in particular for instance. I was rereading his bday lines the other day and i'm still so offended by how those lines were made for me. Percival bragging that he knows everything about MC's interests and that he would go out of his way to make sure MC gets access to all of their favorite interests with the most luxurious experience? Like oh my fucking god. Like in this line he was talking about "i knew you wanted to go to this concert so i got us VIP places with the best of views so you enjoy it to the best of your capacity" literally i'm on my knees asking him in marriage again. Percival would be the type to go on a date with you and buy you literally anything that catches your eyes without you even asking for them. He'd pay attention to anything you may like so he can discuss it with you and share it with you. He likes to play boardgames or spend afternoon just reading and enjoying a good time with you. And there's also this christmas line that has him delighted about building snowmen with MC trying to make a Danchou version of a snowman while joking around with you. Like. Like genuinely the dates with Percival drives me absolutely insane they hit so hard on what i'm attracted to. the only risk with dating Percival is that he will put your date on hold to go and help someone if you guys run into trouble, but like. What a problem that is.

Siegfried is more mellow, especially since he starts out with this whole behavior that he believes you'd be better off without spending too much time with him since he's a ticking timebomb and all. he's also super awkward at times due to how long he spent in the wilds, and for instance his gifts are always survival stuff or stuff to wish you good health, which is all very sweet, but it doesn't work on me nearly as much. Still, dates with him would be very soft, i think he would genuinely indulge in whatever you want even if it doesn't come with the layer of how much Percival wants to participate to those experience as well. The biggest risk with Siegfried is also how he'd drop everything to help someone, and also that he's so hot anywhere he'd go without his mask would have people trying to approach him and you'll find your date very crowded in no time.

So those dates talks to me personally and make them insanely hotter in my eyes.

Belial still is in my top 5 hottest guys in Granblue (... he's probably in 3rd position after Percival and Siegfried i would say), but yeah, Percival and Siegfried just hits on some of my weak point design wise AND the way they fill the date times without risking killing me is actually a very good barging.

So yeah. yeah.

[thesugarhole]

thoughts from todays page readings: (it might be easier if i do it during commute but then post when im home?)

reread 49 real quick and again. i think i already wrote this so this is just me repeating myself but it will be relevant later so refresher course. as much as i love learning about captain this takes away a lot of whimsy by exposing part of whats up early on... like, youre no longer under that doubt that "is captain really nuts or is this for real the world they live in" you know?? keep some mystery man.

^feeling awkward reading this. dunno why

rubix cube chapter was so cute 🥺 im sad that thing got left behind

and again!!!! worst comic ever makes statement way ahead of its time regarding the internet!!! why does everything need to have fucking blue tooth log in connection talk directly to your brain!!! even a rubik (rubix) cube!!!! arrrgh!!!!!!

it doesnt mention annet by name but it implies that she will try and solve wishes/queries to the best of her ability (currently, think chatgpt lying through its teeth when it has nothing- when annet has nothing, she somehow creates it). nothing to note here just a detail i want to remember, "a god who answers" type of divinity

"Silly willy. Told you I am unsolvable!" I said smugly. Just then, something impossible happened. My User twisted me in 4 dimensions. "That's amazing!" I shouted. "I can't believe you've done it!" I didn't know Users were designed to operate in 4-dimensional space like this! "Hpmf" Charles said, not looking too impressed. "Well, that was surprisingly easy." "No! Charles! You don't understand!" I cried. "You can operate in 4-dimensional space! You've solved an impossible riddle! Something, within you, makes you simply incredible!" In this very moment the ropes holding us up snapped and Charles dropped me. When he let me go, I fell out of 4-dimensional synch into regular 3-dimensional space and all my 6 sides became discorded and unsolved once again.

sorry to squeeze the text to not make too long a post but

type of mysteries i want to hold on to for a little while longer ^

51

now that we know captain isnt bullshitting its even harder to be on snippys side on anything about anything because again. hes just some guy. he has no business knowing about any of this and he has yet to see it in action so why should he believe what captain says you known. needlessly frustrating the reader!!

"Are these children made up like the needy children to whom you and Pilot keep trying to gift my things to?" He asked, tapping his foot angrily. "All of the children I speak of are real, I assure you!" I said. "I doubt it," he huffed. "You're seriously the most absent-minded GIRL I know. Where would you even be without me?"

me at vitaly right now im going to fucking snap. stop doing this and let snippy perceive captain as Undefined. i get hes a Camone but good lord i dont think he would be this stubborn about this particular topic with everything else going on. like. captain allows it but it implies the reading of "zee got tired of correcting everyone" IF YOU KNOW YOU KNOW. and again i got extra beef with it because it definitely feels like backtracking on the nonbinary character to try and make a more main fronting hetero couple which grrrrr.

(...) There are monsters all around that will eat you if I don't protect you."

loss of whimsy (once again) in romantically only text because we know snippy isnt really doing anything other than survive. :( also more instances of snippy/captain being heavy handed in rewrites, i definitely dont remember any of this conversation when i first read the comic

listen its fine. its fine IF, ONLY IF both snippy and captain get this type of romantic dialogue with everyone else because 1. (and not to be a stubborn old mule about it but) reading this as '3 (+117) extraordinary people trying to get affection from 1 boring guy' makes it a lot funnier and engaging 2. you have to love something so so much to try and save it and since captain is trying to save whatever humanity is left in the world zee should be in love with the other guys just as much

^ its far from canon but it would be so fun, i genuinely mean this

"Do any of your organs feel infinite?" what an absolute deranged question to ask someone even with context. yes. now THIS dialogue i like

"Me and my wonderful coworkers, Goodness rest their weary, tuckered souls…"

numbers one through six are dead?? it makes sense i cant even begin to put an image to any of them sdjhgkj. captain considering eight a daughter though is kinda cute i wont lie

"I didn't fix the li..." I started to speak. "Good job on fixing the power here. I'm going to the bathroom," Charles rudely interrupted me again. I watched him depart from my table with a frown. Why was he so G-damn obtuse about things? My explanation was perfectly legible. Everyone else understood me just fine. Especially Pilot. Pilot understood what I was doing right away.

okay listen. im pilots number defender here. and!! as i said before he is VERY!!!! SMART!!!!! even with AFTER being PINEAPPLE BOMBED and ANNET DISCONNECTED!!! but im not sure to what degree he actually understands what you (captain) have going on and instead is just going with the flow of whatever you say. like he has background context, he knows about the stuff annet/g-dir was up to. but if he didnt know about this zero-eight business, which is parallel (and hidden from the public?) to a degree, before The Events then i dunno, might be a "why not, what else am i doing today" type of situation. you get what im saying? does this make sense?

Alas, I was too late. Charles had bumped into the lovely burrowing-worm in the bathroom entrance and then he started to scream.

points and laughs

[tellhound]

Greetings to you! I have done the same many times, rather than daydreaming about faceless people in stale scenarios. Fic is such a more versatile way to see love, or platonic feelings, emerge. And as you say, escapism! Almost every fandom as a Harry Potter AU fic, but magical realism fics-- that's where it's at. Would you agree?

I saw Stranger Things--is Eddie your favorite character all around? I particularly enjoyed One/Henry, and Murray; Russian sounded very different in that show, as compared to others I've seen that have some Russian in it. (I am not Russian, I merely have a good ear for languages, and the difference in tone.)

It pains me to read you didn't have friends growing up, but now, thanks to technology-- friends everywhere... most of the time, yes? But there's nothing like friends that you get close to, and they become part of you. But I too admire loyalty, intellect... a great character arc where they change over the seasons, like Steve, for instance.

Goodness, it really annoys me to no end-- that careless taking of people, giving to people, but never anything deeper or more intimate than that. I agree with you, wholeheartedly. Do you daydream about finding that someday? I do.

Some people can be single by choice, but not us; I kind of like being in the boat with you. There's a song... it's called Petrov, Yelena and Me,by Flight of the Conchords (one of them directed What we do in the Shadows, I believe!) and it's about three friends in a boat; amusing, but dark. Anyway, we're in the boat together. Do you enjoy any particular element, or scenery to look at? I find myself fond of forests.

If you want to tell them, this person, you should take your time getting to know them, yes? I hope they treat you as you deserve to be treated, because you seem like such a fascinating and nice person. No, we don't want anyone to be hurt.

Please feel better, as I saw you were feeling sick when I was searching for your response-- my apologies for my slow response, it's been... a rough few days. But please take care of yourself, stay warm in the cold, incumbent weather. <3

SA.

(I saw the tags, thank you for adding them :) )

Hi! Sorry it's taken me so long to reply! I wasn't ignoring you, just haven't had the energy to really reply to anyone these past few days. But I'm back now!

I actually don't read that many fics (if any at all) that involves magic and especially not the HP kind, but maybe I should?

🤔 These days it's so hard for me to choose between Eddie and Steve. Cause on the one hand I guess I relate more to Eddie than I do to Steve. But there's just something about Steve that I can't quite put my finger on. And still I think I lean slightly more towards Steve. Maybe it's just the fact that we've gotten 4 whole seasons to get to know Steve and seen how much he's grown and changed over those years whereas Eddie was in the show for a total of like an hour so we never got to know him as well as we could've.

Henry/One is definitely an interesting character and I 100% understand why you like him. Oh really? Could it be that it's like different dialects or something compared to what's usually used in shows and movies?

Okay here's the thing... The whole friendship situation was a bit messy for me growing up so it's always just easier to say that I didn't have any friends, cause that's kinda close to the truth? There were some people I hung out with, but none that I could actually trust and it never lasted more than a couple months or so as longest before I had to find new people to spend time with as the ones I used to hang out with just kinda... Idk froze me out of their groups? So I did find myself being alone a lot and when others would hang out with friends I was mostly hanging out with my parents and occasionally my brother and his friends.

With that said I can also reveal that my closest friend have been in my life since 2009, so it wasn't all bad. But let's also not get into that story right now, cause it's... It's a lot and we definitely haven't always been as close as we are today.

Yeah technology is great in connecting with people and I wish I hadn't let past experiences stop me from doing it until I started talking to people on here this year. Definitely met some great people on here that I hope will stay in my life for a long time (I would say forever, but I have my reasons for rarely if ever using that word)

"Goodness, it really annoys me to no end-- that careless taking of people, giving to people, but never anything deeper or more intimate than that." couldn't have said it better myself. Wouldn't say I really daydream about it (anymore), but there's definitely some fleeting thoughts that come and go. Cause thinking about it too much just makes me sad.

I'll need to listen to that song when I can (and watch that show tbh, only heard good things about it). You seem like a good person to be in the same boat with <3

I've always liked looking at fires. Specifically bonfires. They just really make me feel calm and peaceful even though I know how dangerous and destructive they can be if you're not careful. What about you? Any particular reason you're fond of forests?

Yeah I feel like I'm getting to know this person just a little more each time I talk with them ☺️

I could say the same about you, nonnie and I'm so glad you decided to write to me <3

It's taken me a few days, but finally starting to feel better and should be able to go back to work either tomorrow or the day after that.

Sorry you've had a rough week, I'm here if you wanna talk about it. And always take the time you need before you write to me. You're more important <3

If you want me to call you anything else, I'm more than happy to change it

[geekwritersworld]

Hiii El. Can i request something where the sister messed up somehow, sold drugs ? maybe stole ? and the brothers find out and are angry as hell because they thought she was innocent and stuff ? and they yell at her and maybe one of them, john or tommy slaps her (messed up, i know) and they re dissapointed and shit and she s messed up and crying and thinks they hate her and stuff ?

thank you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

and by the way you re such a good fucking writer !!

Brother

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Y/N

warnings: angst, mentions of Tommy being a little bitch, drugs

summary: as stated above in the request.

A/n: Grace is very much alive here, not because I like her, but because she's vital to the fic. Secondly, I’ve never done drugs nor do I plan to, so please bear with the terrible description of her being high, Thirdly, excuse the shitty writing, i honestly don't think I have a defense at this point.             Also I do apologize anon for getting your request out so late, I did start working on it when you sent it in, but my pet passed a way and so I needed to take a step back.

As always, feedback is more than welcome. Thank you for requesting  Anon🤍❤

Despite their unescapable arduous lifestyle, the Shelby's always protected 2 people and made sure they had as little to do with the business as possible.

Ada and Y/n Shelby.

Ada always fought back, hating the way her brothers wouldn't let her breathe for 2 seconds without being overly protective.

Y/n on the other hand was the quiet one. She didn't bother to up a fight like Ada, not because she was timid but because she just didn't want to give her aunt or brothers any reasons to rage on. 

She didn't always comply either, for instance when Tommy told them he was marrying Grace. It was the first family meeting Tommy had let Y/n into, and it was the first she'd stormed out of.

She'd come around, however, after a lot of convincing from John.

It wasn't surprising either that John had been the one to talk to her. He always did understand better. She was closer to Tommy, but John always had a special place in her heart for being the fun light-hearted one.

Accepting Grace became slightly easier when she put the idea of Y/n living with her and Tommy on the table one evening. 

And though at first Aunt Pol scoffed, she knew it was a good idea. She only scoffed because she didn't like the idea of another Shelby living under the same roof as the ex-undercover agent.

Before anyone had really even settled into Arrow house, Charlie decided to join them.

After Charlie's first birthday, Y/n found herself feeling lonelier. The Shelby's were scattered. 

Each one living in different destinations made it difficult for her to visit them; she wanted to see them under one roof again. And though she'd insisted on it with Tommy, it had yet to happen.

When the house was bright with the sunlight pouring in through the windows, Y/n found it easy it distract herself; whether it was by occasionally helping out in the kitchen since she loved to cook, or helping Grace with Charlie Y/n found a way. But when the house darkened, the lights turned off and the moonlight barely made it through the windows and it got quiet, y/n found it difficult to distract herself.

There was only so much she could do.

It was the result of such a particular night that Y/n found herself wandering the cold streets of Warwickshire late at night. There were the occasional couples, drunk and high as kites that stumbled past her.

She couldn’t help but observe them closely. They seemed free, not a care in the world. She didn't remember the last time she felt even a little carefree.

So she followed the noise, everyone knew, pubs had dealers and so to a Pub she would go.

It was loud, the music wasn’t the cause, ironically, but the people. They danced and giggled. The occasional drunk man would holler something only he understood  and no one else did, but everyone was too drunk to care.

Y/n slid into an empty seat, watching the crowd carefully trying to spot any dealer.

And she almost didn't catch it, the swift, movement of the hand across the table. But once the man grabbed the drug and slipped out of his seat, she made her move.

Carefully she approached the man, knowing she'd only get one go and she'd never done this before unlike her brothers.

"And how do I know you're not working for the coppers? "

"If I was, I wouldn't wander in here by myself at bloody one in the morning would I?" she knew it was stupid to tell the man she was alone in there, but she didn't know how else to prove that she wasn't working with the cops.

"Right" still suspicious with narrowed eyes, the older man slipped 2 tiny bottles with the drug across the table as she slipped him the money.

Adjusting his hat, he watched her get up and thank him.

"I find out you're with the coppers, I will fucking shoot you" his thick accent would have sent shivers down anyone's spine, but not y/n.

 She was a Shelby and though she'd never been involved in the illegal side of the business she'd heard and seen her fair share.

"yeah alright, and I'll give you my gun to make it easier eh" she turned around and walked away, not waiting to see his reaction.

A Shelby would have been more cautious of their surroundings despite being a few minutes away from their home, but not Y/n. 

 A part of her felt excited that she didn't care to watch her surroundings, and the rest of her was nervous.

Of course, she'd have to keep this from Tommy, he wouldn't exactly pat her on the back for buying and using drugs at 1 in the morning.

She managed to get in and out of the house unnoticed, and while she silently and quickly crept up the long stairway, she walked right into somebody. She hoped it was grace, but Grace didn't feel like a wall when you walked into her.

she was glad she'd slipped the bottles into her coat pockets because Tommy made sure to look at her carefully when she walked right into him on the stairway.

"where are you going one in the morning eh?" he was soft yet stern; she was safe but he didn't know why she'd have stepped out at that time.

"taking a walk, couldn't sleep" she breathed out, looking up at him.

"right" it shouldn't have hurt her as much as it did when he simply just nodded and turned around and climbed back up to go to his room.

She wanted him to tell her to be careful; get mad even. But he didn't. Because she wasn't Grace or Charlie. And she wasn't much of a priority as she once had been.   With slumped shoulders, she followed after him, only changing directions to go to her room.

closing the door and softly locking it, she slipped off her coat and turned on the light, after wrapping her fingers around the bottles and sitting down in front of her bedside table.

Carefully pouring the contents of the bottle onto the table, Y/n discarded the bottle and hid the other one. And stared at the white powder. Deciding to just imitate what she'd seen Isaiah and Finn do, she bent forward and inhaled it  while pressing her index finger against the side of her nose to inhale better through one nostril.

She felt the disorientation kick in first, then the relief.

Y/n didn't know what time it was. Had she been wobbling around her room for minutes or hours? she didn't know. She only knew that she’d felt as if life was to be taken in a stride and not be worried about. Something she’d never felt nor thought in her life.

They sounded like murmurs at first, but as the haze slowly passed, she could tell the voices for what they were, screams. Her nose burned a little, and there was a slight throb in the back of her head, though it took her a few minutes to recall the events of the previous night.

"What the fuck were you doing at their fucking pub, at the Ralphs fucking pub?"

 before she could even sit up from the floor where she fell asleep, Tommy was pointing his finger at her, raging.

"Do you fucking know who the bloody Ralphs are? We called a bloody truce with them right, under the condition no fucking Shelby steps foot inside their pub, and you've gone and fucked it up!" Tommy's ramble took a few seconds for Y/n to completely comprehend, and once she did, her eyes went wide with realization.

"I didn't know Tommy" she tried to defend herself, which was quite a weak defense, she felt.

"They'll bloody come after us, after Grace after CHARLIE" the Shelby sister didn't even notice when Tommy had inched closer to her, in her panic.

But she certainly didn't expect Tommy's rough palms to collide with her cheek. Her brain felt dazed for a few seconds, refusing to accept that her older brother had just slapped her.

Her breathing slowed, not because her cheek throbbed but because the man that protected her from everything, the one who tucked her in at night and held her when she had a nightmare, was the one to hurt her in a way she never thought he would. 

she knew she fucked up, but not to the extent that her brother would hit her. She didn't see it coming.

It wasn't exactly something anyone saw coming from their brother.

 Slowly turning her face towards Tommy, her fingers brushing over the sensitive red skin on her face, she expected Tommy to apologize. Instead, she was met with the sight of his back as he stormed out of her room.

"Get the fuck out, Go to Ada's or fucking John's. I don't care where you fucking go, just get out"

She didn't see that coming either.

Grace's quick steps could be heard, she was probably trying to calm Tommy down. Y/n knew she couldn't stay. Not when she put Tommy's wife and son in danger and when he asked her to leave. She knew Grace would try to come in and talk to her but she wouldn’t stay after what she’d done.

Grabbing only a few of her things, she knew where she was going. Ada had a lot of y/n's belongings at her house from y/n' s previous stay overs.

Pulling her coat, the door to her room was slowly opened completely. Before anyone could hear and object, the youngest Shelby had quietly slipped out of the house once more.

It was far colder than she'd realized.

And the coat over her short-sleeved shirt didn't do much to keep her warm. The streets were scattered with a few men and women. There weren't many children, after all, why would they wake at this ungodly hour?

She walked to Ada's, though she wanted to go to John, but he lived way too far and Ada’s was just closer.

She did get a few stares and furrowed eyebrows at her appearance that early in the morning. But the walk had given her enough time to realize that getting high at 1 in the morning and then being thrown out at 5 am by your brother didn't exactly give you the sense nor time to look presentable.

Y/n’s eyes watered every now and then. Being a Shelby meant that she didn't have the liberty to show any emotion, so the tears were quickly brushed away and replaced with a cold and stiff stare.

Arriving at Ada's door, Y/n knocked; hoping her older sister would be awake that early.

"what do-" she'd clearly been asleep, and only awoke because of her little sister’s knocking." y/n, what the bloody hell are you doing here 5 in the morning?" she asked while opening the door wider for her to step in.

"I fucked up" was all she could get out before she stepped foot into the house, sat down on the stairs, and broke down.

Shutting the door, Ada was quick to grab another coat and wrap it around her little sister, whose own coat obviously wasn't enough.

"what are you talking about?" Ada sat down next to y/n and pushed her unruly hair back before putting her arm around y/n.

Within the next few minutes of y/n relating everything from her sneaking out and getting high to waking up to Tommy screaming at her about her going to another gang owners pub and being asked to get out, Ada's expressions varied from amusement at her sister sneaking out to anger at Tommy hurting his youngest sister.

"fuck" Ada sighed. She wasn't angry at Y/n. Because she herself was no stranger to what it was like to be lonely.

she knew it all too well. She was surprised y/n had gotten high, then again she could only be so surprised when all her brothers and almost everyone they knew, got drunk and high.

But she was fuming at Tommy for slapping y/n. Ada knew Tommy could be an absolute bastard at times, but she'd never thought of Tommy would ever hit his own sister. It was the one thing she always put past Tommy. Something far too beneath him.

"I didn't know Ada, honestly, I didn't" y/n whispered " he hates me Ada, he hates me so much". She sounded as weak as she felt. 

The mental exhaustion as well as physical started to hit her now and she was glad she'd been sitting down.

"Tommy could never hate you no matter what, we'll figure it out. This insane bloody family always does"

Ada helped Y/n get comfortable into her room and sat with her until her younger sister fell asleep.

 Once she was sure y/n was out for the count, she hastened to shut her door while leaving Y/n’s room and quickly picked up the telephone to call Tommy. She stabbed the numbers in, rather.

"Have you lost your fucking mind Thomas!?" her voice , though a whisper so as to not wake Karl or y/n, was still heavy with anger.

"I know Ada, but she fucking went to the fucking Ralphs pub" Tommy tried to reason

"how the fuck is she supposed to know who owns that fucking pub? Its not like you bloody tell anyone anything. Even if she did, slapping her Thomas? she thinks you fucking hate her,  you're a bloody bastard for that"

"I'm on me way" he sighed, Ada knew that her older brother realized he'd messed up , and though she was slightly hesitant at the thought of letting Tommy see y/n after what he did, she also couldn't keep him from doing so, since she knew nothing good ever came from avoiding the problem.

Tommy felt the anger slowly subside, though he was upset and worried, he knew he'd fucked up the moment he left y/n's room.

Ada telling him that his little sister thought he hated her, made his heart drop.

All the Shelby's knew that Tommy loved his wife and son. But they knew that he had a special place for y/n in his heart.

He'd always been close to her. He'd taught her to ride horses, made sure to sit with her till she fell asleep, held her hand whenever she was scared. He always knew when she was upset, and he was the only one how could ever cheer her up. 

But that was all before the war, after however, things between him and his little sister did change but not too much.

He still her hand whenever she was afraid, he knew whenever she was upset and he tried to cheer up as much as he could.

He never really thought about how far apart he and Y/n had drifted, until that very moment when he frantically drove to Ada's house that morning.

"Ada" Ada had never looked more disappointed in him. Tommy of course wouldn't admit it, but the look on her face did make his heart sunk even more.

" she's in the kitchen" she didn't even look him in the eye.

nodding, he walked inside, turning towards the kitchen.

The sight of his sister hunched on the chair , with a coat wrapped around her , her slim fingers holding onto the cup of tea for, apparently, dear life, made him feel far more worse than he already did.

Loosing the trust of the one person he needed it most from would break him even further.

'Y/n" he didn't remember the last time he spoke that softly, but he was sure it was much before the war.

Her head jerked up the moment she heard him. She didn't think for one second he would come to her ever again after what she'd done.

"Tommy " Tommy wasn't sure if it was relief or fear he saw in her blue eyes. Aunt Pol did always say that she had eyes like him.

"Right listen, I shouldn't have" he pulled the chair out and sat across from, not sure if she'd feel safe sitting next to him. "it happened in the moment, if I was thinking or in my right fucking mind, I wouldn't have done that" he struggled to find words to explain "I shouldn't have slapped you, and for that" he sighed "I'm sorry"

She hadn't looked him in the eyes either like Ada, except Y/n didn't because she was far to disappointed in herself and not him,

"its not your fault Tommy" she finally looked up at him, taking in his sunken eyes

"I should've never gone to the pub in the first place"

"You're a Shelby, eh, if you don't go to a fucking pub where else would you go? "he tried to lighten things "Look ill fix it with the Ralphs alright. And I don't hate you. I couldn't do that. I love you and if you decide to stay with Ada I understand "

"I don't want to stay at Ada's"

"Oi!" Ada stood in the doorway.

Y/n gave a small smile at her older sisters quip

"What I mean is, Tommy, I'm sorry for sneaking out, but I just-you haven't been around a whole lot either. I mean you're home, but its either with Charlie or Grace. I'm not-I'm not saying they're not important, its just that maybe you could spend an evening or two with me. With everyone living so far apart....I don't know" she sighed, feeling small" it gets a bit lonely I suppose"

Tommy saw the extent of how far apart they'd drifted, now. Charlie was a year old, and he hadn't spent any time with her in over a year.

And it wasn't because Grace needed help with Charlie or he wanted to spend time with his son; there were days when Charlie would be asleep and Tommy would just sit in his sons room and stare at nothing, until grace would come get him.

"fuck" he bowed his head slightly, knowing he'd fucked up big time." alright, if you come back, how about you and I take that fucking vacation Arthurs been on me about?"

[elizabethrobertajones]

not to play devil's advocate bc fuck that anon, but i don't think they were bitching about the destiel scene per se so much for the context of it, and the big romantic implication that we were waiting for was just a throwaway sex joke from a demon that we've heard the likes of so many times and it.. doesn't really move their relationship anywhere. i hope you understand.

Yeah, I do, when you’re not aggressive about it (thanks

I just feel like that anon’s aggressiveness was entirely about the sense of being promised an entire scene and then lashing out and blaming me/the fandom/the show?? for promising them something huge and taking their generalised disappointment/overall anger at the show and bundling it all into using this as the scapegoat for their anger. If they had just taken a mo to read those tweets again it came across fairly clearly to me that it was a single line and also one that was in the category of whoops and cheers and laughter from Jensen rather than “awww”s and other less bawdy reactions. The thing is that those spoilers weren’t hyping it up as anything more than what it was, and knowing now full well that it was a single line, re-read those tweets and it’s very clear that they were reporting faithfully on the moment while trying not to spoil it. Especially all 4 together in that post, which was the most popular I saw circulating, and I feel like anon in particular seemed to have been waiting for an entire scene and somewhere or other got very hyped up for something that no one had promised them from any of these 1st hand reports. Seeing the tweets again reminded me I had the anon in my inbox and I got pretty pissed off that they got so annoyed about it when I was taking another look at the spoilers with all the context… I just, like, really hate speculation and spinning enormous narratives like gold out of straw. 

I didn’t really talk about the moment itself, but, yeah. It isn’t anything new - Dabb has even written 3 years ago an almost identical scene with the angels taunting Cas with the implication he and Dean are boning, but this one made the connection absolutely clear for the audience, with no leaps whatsoever to connect what he was saying to Destiel, vs it being Dean’s phonecall that set that angel to threatening to cut off Cas’s junk. And we’ve gone a pretty long time since that level of taunting. I’ve always liked that 7x23 was the last time we got a “he’s your boyfriend” for a pretty hefty stretch of Carver era… I’m actually struggling to remember if there ARE any direct implications in seasons 8 or 9, and then in 10 we get the “Deastiel” moment in 10x05, and the deleted boyfriends argument in 10x14, and overall Carver era is extremely low on these implications and ‘jokes’ compared to Gamble era. I DO think the direct implications without any actual representation or canon sucks especially because these heap up and up and up in the ongoing annuals of Dean n Cas implications which are starting their 10th full year now. Like, interesting as they are on a meta level and for rolling along with the story having fun etc, cumulatively they suck when that’s as visible as it gets. 

I do think, though, that in general this line would have been treated with a lot more fun if it hadn’t been spoiled at all because even sensible people like yourself can build up an expectation that the line might not be another one of these, just out of hoping for the best/giving the show the benefit of the doubt. Like actually maybe it could be someone calling Cas on his feelings (like 13x04 and the Empty accusing him of having some secret love, which was profound rather than teasing and a whole other category of this stuff minus the whole har har it’s funny that you might be gay together thing which for me hands an enormous amount of leeway to the snide comments from bad guys as it creates the weight to the relationship which makes it more than something spun from nothing but needling from villains who think its a joke, whether they seem to believe it or not). So I do get the hope that you can build up that it might have been something else, even against the spoiler than Jensen absolutely cracked up at it (which to me, knowing how he laughs at these things in general, was really the thing that made me guess it was going to be pretty much what we got but I know I apply a lot of lowest possible expectations to thinks just to protect myself). 

Being bitter and cynical about it without proper mental upkeep in the direction of positivity can be really wearing. *I* can be cynical because I don’t mean it as wank and I know I still love the show etc etc so I’m prepared for the event without it coming across as disappointment… But that’s a strong mental wall I made and I know not everyone wants to/can/thinks we should have to do that. I sort of feel ALL media can be disappointing or not what you were after and basically only stuff you make yourself and a rare few creators will scratch the exact thing you want without issues. So I don’t feel it’s weird to allow SPN leeway to do sucky things so much as it’s the thing I’m most invested in so I have to be a lot more clear about them, while if other media lets me down in some way I am way more casual and roll with it easier to start with. And with SPN being heavily invested for so long, I’ve weathered SO MUCH outrage over these things and worse and less that something like this is very easy for me to soak with my mental armour and take on the chin and see it for what it is in the first place and so on without having particularly bitter thoughts when I immediately divine what type of line it will be from the spoilers. It’s not a “oh it will probably be garbage gay teasing” it a much more gentle reaction, knowing that I’ve already watched this far knowing the show does it so one more instance is just another for the record books. 

I mean there’s a feeling of collecting the show’s sins and weighing its heart when all is said and done in the future when the show ends. But that’s extremely morbid so I don’t linger on that part of this sort of disassociative permissiveness to the show’s nonsense :P

Anyways. It’s good to be excited about the show but when it comes specifically to wild destiel spoilers I do think this fandom seriously needs an overall better filter to decide what will truly happen, and there’s no one person to blame, it’s a mindset and we very easily get carried away, and I’ve had to learn the hard way that I need to set myself as a rock in that river and let it wash past me. And not make hard lines of saying not to get enthusiastic for ANYTHING because oftentimes spoilers about Dean n Cas working together or chilling together DO turn out to be really good and in no way should we approach the episodes like we’re going to be attacked, because that’s where bitter stan fandom factions come from. It’s so complicated, and I really was trying not to say anything about it but then I got frustrated and it’s hard to be completely perfect about keeping quiet on annoyances… :P 

I don’t know what the tl:dr is here.. I don’t blame people for getting excited, for sure. But maybe just for lashing out at others when they don’t get what they want and are really incautious. The original anon conjured a whole scene up they wanted, not just a line, and that to me is the perfect example of fandom spinning straw into gold with hype, and something I really can’t stand and at that point I start to say there IS a personal blame/responsibility. Peeps who weren’t THAT irrationally expectant and then proportionately furious after are cool and I wasn’t blaming anyone else >.> 

[iturbide]

(holy shit nine Morgans) Thank god he came home, take good care of your Chrobin family! Tbh, I don't really understand the IVs thing, so I never know if my units are good or not, it just matters that I love them

yeah i got a lot of morgans =v= 

Trust me I fully intend to take good care of my Chrobin families I’ve put Chrom on the training team (and swapped out one dancer for M!Robin just so they can hang out and boost ally support levels while Chrom’s leveling) so come Friday he’s going to be powering right on through. 

But I totally agree we’ve gone a year without having any ability to upgrade our resident Askrans in any way, shape, or form beyond upgrading their star ratings, they deserve some attention since they’re arguably our main ‘Lords’ for this particular FE iteration!  I’m really glad they’re getting some alts, especially considering that some people have four (I find it hilarious running into Lucina Emblem Arena teams but seriously spread the love around).

…green hell indeed though.  On the one hand I’m glad we’re getting more greens since they tend to be the units we have the smallest representation for, but on the other hand since so many of them end up as 5* summons only you’re still running a terrible risk of getting 4* and 3* units you really don’t want.  Please, IntSys, do something about this. 

But oh oh I can explain IVs under the cut so hopefully it doesn’t bother anybody that doesn’t want to read my long-winded rambling:

So as a preface, to the best of my knowledge, IVs are mostly important in the metagame (Arena/Arena Assault, occasionally Voting Gauntlet match-ups but only if you’re insane and running level 40s).  They have significantly less bearing on the regular game and are far easier to manage if you have less than ideal ones.  So ultimately, as far as I’m concerned, loving your units regardless of their stats is the way to go and it’s pretty much how I operate at all times. 

Moving into the explanation, though - every Hero when they’re summoned has a set stat line-up.  You might notice when you summon two of the same Hero that their stats are slightly different: that’s because they have different IVs!  While every Hero has a neutral stat line-up, others will have a slight increase in one stat, coupled with a slight decrease in another for balance.  At level one, this appears as just a one point difference in their overall stat line-ups (or two, if you happen to be looking at one hero with a boon and one with a bane in the same stat, like I’ve seen with my many many Morgans, one of whom has 22 attack and another who has 20). 

Ordinarily, a boon will add 3 points to a given stat when the Hero reaches level 40, while a bane will take 3 away; however, some units have superboons and superbanes, which add or remove 4 points from a given stat.  Some Heroes have it set up where most of their stats run like this: Lissa, for instance, has superboons for both attack and speed and superbanes for HP, defense, and resistance (New Year’s Takumi is actually like this, too; go figure).  Generally, this is only important in the Arena because it affects your base stat total (BST) and therefore Arena scoring, but if you’re not a super-competitive Arena person then it’s not hugely important.  

Now, while it is primarily important in the metagame, there are a few situations I’ve run into where stats kind of do make a difference in the regular game, weirdly enough.  Examples include: 

If you ever do promote a healer to 5* and get their weapon upgrade, suddenly their attack becomes important because the stave+ variants use attack to calculate the amount of damage you heal.  While there is a default minimum that they’ll recover (7 for Rehabilitate, 8 for Physic, 15 for Recover, etc.), these numbers can inflate drastically when you have a healer with an attack boon.  I have a +attack Elise I’m using in Tempest Trials now who’s running a Recover+ staff, and this little monster consistently heals 30 damage (double the minimum) because of the calculations involved and her particular boon. 

During the Valentine’s banner, I hilariously managed to roll a neutral IV regular Hector instead of the Valentine Hector (rip me – he came later though so it was all good).  I figured I might try training him up a little since my original Hector is +speed - defense to see if he’d work on either my Arena team or an armored team…and lo and behold he got quad hit by Klein and KOed in the Training Tower.  I was flabbergasted.  And at that point I swore I was never using a Hector without +speed unless Wary Fighter was involved. 

Speaking of Hector the Protector, +speed is kind of hilarious on him.  Turns out it’s a superboon for him, putting him at the same speed as M!Robin at neutral (the mental image alone of a giant armored knight jogging along and keeping pace with my scrawny blue mage is amazing).  This can mess with a lot of things, especially if you buff his speed on top of it, because he’s not getting doubled consistently and can even double certain slow units on his own, like Reinhardt. 

As for M!Robin, while my +10 powerhouse is +attack -HP, my first 5* promotion that I used for a LONG time was actually +attack -speed (which made him slower than Hector because it’s a superbane, and the image of my scrawny blue mage getting outstripped by the giant armored knight is arguably even funnier).  This really didn’t bother me for a long time because with breaker skills he remained an utter powerhouse and I really liked the +attack for extra damage output; however, during one of the Voting Gauntlets, I happened to get teamed up with another M!Robin who had neutral speed, and he was doubling units that my boy could never dream of handling unassisted.  The 4 point speed difference was suddenly a lot more relevant, so I kept my eye out for an M!Robin in my summons without that speed bane and finally rolled the one I have now as a 3*, promoted him, trained him, and he’s been glorious ever since (I usually keep swordbreaker on him at this point because speedy swordsmen are everywhere).

If you’re ever curious what kind of stats your Heroes have, this is the site I usually use to check mine out!  It updates regularly with new Heroes, has datamine info when updates roll out, and has been generally really helpful for me, especially as I work on some of my favorite characters (for cases where I have multiples, it’s good for figuring out which is the ideal candidate to merge the others into; alternatively, it’s good for choosing who to give up for skill transmittal, like I did last night sending off my -attack Siegbert to give my M!Robin Attack Tactic). 

And this has been my long-winded explanation of boons/banes thank you and good night day