#i just like thinking about how different smth would be if the opposite were true

[tanihanya]

You wanna know smth that worries me loads in media rn? The Overwhelming Pessimism (rant post, written at 12am lol)

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I was watching some older shows with my dad earlier-- and while some were a couple dated, Some things, really, really stuck out to me. We were watching M*A*S*H, the episode where the Cardinal Visits. It touches on deep topics, while still keeping it's normal humour, and feels good at the end. However, It was more after watching it-- that I sorta noticed... M*A*S*H would never air today.

And, No- Not because people would be 'Too Sensitive' - But the opposite, It's not dark enough. It's not grimy. It gives war as it is without being constant, overwhelming angst, and brooding darkness, and pessimistic characters--- I tried to think, about shows that were hopeful and meaningful and light today-- Movies, Even-- and I just, Couldnt. And that's because... as far as I know, what optimistic shows exist? From Superhero movies to sci fi, we have gritty, dark stories about corruption and being doomed and hidden issues we don't think about, constantly weighing down all the time. Online, we only see shit and how awful the world is outside, and never- never once- Like M*A*S*H and TNG, some shows I really like, Ways to deal with it, or try to help and fix it-- Nothing good, as if the human condition is nothing but misery and regret. But it's not like that. The World Sucks, it really does-- But we fucken neglect the things that make it redeemable, too- We neglect that change can, and has, happened. We seem to design the future as this unstoppable force of evil, that none of us can stop. Where are my TNGs and MASHs to help? where are the shows that are meant to give me faith? Where are the people still dreaming of futures, even if unattainable, to try to achieve? Where is our future? If all we ever think of is darkness, how can we ever expect it to be light? When we phrase "Realism" as the same as pessimism, the world falls into the pessimistic ideas itself-

Is Pessimism realistic? or are we making it realistic by being so pessimist? When we make only awful and gross futures, what future do we expect to grow into?

We don't allow eachother to dream. That is the right we are taking away from ourselves-- Something no external force can do. People in the past have dreamt of tomorrow in the worst of situations, why do we only ever make these nightmares? I'm going to be honest, While it's true that the world always has, and likely will, always suck, the fact is that we live here anyway- We need to make these changes, or try to, or the world will never become any different.

Yes, It's hard to try to change things, but it's harder to live in a world where nobody tried.

Where are the happy stories? Where have they gone? Where are shows like M*A*S*H, which acknowledge and explore the shit while appreciating the good ?

Where is half of our Human Condition? Where have we hidden it? It's easy to consume doomsaying media, Everybody does it. I do it. It's addictive to feel doomed, it's easy to throw all out and say that our futures will only get worse but--- Who Benefits? How does it help? It is hard to be hopeful, and it always feels like it gets harder as time goes on-- But we have to be Hopeful anyway. We have to dream or at least believe that things Can Improve.

If we never do that, then we never allow things to improve at all. If we let the world take away our ability to dream, we're giving up something that it has no right or access to. We need to welcome change. Yes, Recognise that "It's not good enough" But still be able to celebrate that it happened at all, that today is better than yesterday. I can't remember who said this, But I'm gonna quote a line that I heard once: "Welcome to Earth, Your Mission is to leave a better place than the one at your birth."

Forget about changing the world, you can change things down on our level. the personal level. you can still try, you can still work hard to make yourself happy- you can still be kind, and appreciative to others. We can still work for those glorious, unachievable dreams instead of these vicious, equally unrealistic nightmares. I hope this made sense <3

[angabby-zzz]

2, 8, and 15 for the oc asks

Under cut cuz i dont wanna take up 2 much space

Gabby is like really passionate about love and like being happy n stuff ig? Like as a kid she really struggled w bein understood and liked and making friends and now she struggles with like what her future will be like and if she truly likes how shes working towards that future? And like if her like plans and everything will even work out the way she wants them to. But she doesnt rlly know how it will be after HS so she rlly just tries anything she think will make her happy n avoid thinking about any like things shes uncertain about rlly

Surprise kailani mention!!! (I wanted 2 talk more about non-JAG characters - part1)... i think ive talked abt her connection w her mom b4? So like thats smth shes v passionate abt cuz she thinks shes like mega cool and 2 her shes a better mom to them than most of the (major) gods r to their kids so she thinks even higher of her mom. This kinda goes with her brother siding w their dad rather than her or her mom so its like?? She has an even more special bond w her despite them not rlly talking? Like she takes pride in being more like her (strives 2 be a mini image of her) and into her godly parentage. This kinda goes in2 how she thinks about herself n her future also cuz like shes been living at camp for almost her whole life and doesnt rlly know how that will go 4 her or what she rlly wants 2 do l8r in life (though not as sad n intense about is as gabbys feelings r) (extra example is that thing i talked about w her wondering abt if she will have a love life like glaucus or kymopoleia did)... n shes like very judgy and fights for anything good in cuz it makes her different from her brother also? Idk shes just very like strong about her ideals and who she is (i realized kinda opposite of angel and gabby in a way?? how cool)

I think the most obv/worked on relationship is angabby duhh and like. They are literally so twizzler candy core. but like they cannot b separated. items frequently bought together… idk i dont wanna spend this whole ask just repeating stuff ive said so many times b4 but like obv first in elementary they were like each others first true friends ever and finally felt totally cool w being w someone their age?? So that kinda influenced them i guess cuz they trust each other sooooo much sm sm bro. Like they get the anxiety with anxiety person unlocked powers and gabby kinda helps angel fit in and like figure out what 2 do sometimes. Angel supports her in wtv shes in2 n like helps her not be totally stressed 4ever. Like without each other they would probably be still so sad n stuff

Again going like verrryyyyy obv with jade but its like. Finding divinas necklace? Cuz like thats what led 2 her bein claimed n finding out about demigod stuff. She like also makes friends she can relate 2 during that quest? So she doesnt feel as lonely anymore but Also has more like hashtag thinking moments about how she is w people and how she wants to be and what she wants ig. Like all of p1 n p2 obv changed her cuz like Hello shes the main quest kid

[clericbyers]

I see these people (particularly talking about byler shippers/ST fans) who are so good at picking up on details. Like understanding colour meanings, reading body language, finding parelels, etc in shows and stuff and like HOWW. I want to analyze(?) shows but idk how. Sorry if this isn't stuff u want ppl to ask but I thought you might be able to give tips. But yeah that's all.

Hey there! I do want people to ask such questions actually!! Please don't be ashamed for asking. I don't know if there is an overarching way of doing this, but my own experience comes from AP literature classes back in high school, reading How Not To Write A Novel and This Is The Year You Write Your Novel, but you don't need such things to analyze basic media. As much as we make memes and jokes about the literature teacher asking students why the author made the curtains blue, that type of analysis does matter. Be critical about what a writer/musician/director/artist puts before you, because there is often a hidden statement there--that is a large purpose of the creative arts: to convey thoughts/ideas/meaning in uniquely intricate ways that pull you in with the desire to understand. And being critical does not mean being negative! Criticism is simply another term for analysis in this context, specifically literature/art focused.

(And I'm not talking about bubblegum pop here--a lot of that stuff is mindless made only for the money with no inherent value but said money.)

I've stated this before, but in writing, when something is emphasized, it matters--classic example: mention of the gun on the mantle meaning the gun comes into play later in the story. In shows, the combination of directing and set pieces makes or breaks things. Color theory/symbolism in literature and media is as old as time itself I feel. Think about flower language! We see in color and associate various emotions with color--blue is calm, yellow is happy, red is anger or lust, orange is warmth, etc etc--and bringing emphasis to these shades helps color a scene and develop a tone for the event occurring. If you have watched Marvel's Loki TV show, in the episode where Sylvie and Loki have conversation on the train, there are many hues of purple, pink, and blue surrounding them. The director herself stated she wanted this tone to emphasize Loki's bisexuality--further made clear by Loki himself admitting he has likes for princes and princesses. When looking at queer media / relationships between same-gendered characters, such detailed analysis is necessary because so rarely is any queer affection broadcast on screen in the blatant ways of straight couples. The way to see a romantic relationship is in the details: the gazes, the parallels to straight couples (whether in clothing, location, dialogue, you name it--a straight couple often wears shades of red and blue and the same-sex couple does the same, a phrase said between a romantic straight couple is said either exactly the same or close enough by a same-sex one), the hints of rainbows correlating with characters or open closet doors cough Mike Wheeler cough. If you can take a canon same-sex duo, theoretically genderbend one character, and their canon relationship reads as the most romantic, caring relationship you've seen/read, then there's your answer.

In the case of Stranger Things for example, eyeing the open closet doors Mike hangs around brings about a few thoughts: 1) the phrase "coming out of the closet", 2) the fact that the opposite could have been true (the closet door being closed) but it ISN'T so this was a deliberate choice that deserves attention, 3) what happens in the scenes that requires that focus on the closet door. And yes, the door is in the background and it is not the MAIN focus, but it is present. Mike is in front of it, has a one way sign going toward it, that means something.

I like to think about things in opposites: as in, for the example of the gun, there is an alternate version of the story where the gun isn't mentioned or simply does not exist on the mantle, but the story we have here includes the gun on the mantle. Therefore, that gun means something--whether the main character grabs it in a rush for her life, finger trembling on the trigger as she points the barrel at her assaulter, or an old man tells the story of how he earned the gun to his granddaughter as he lies on his deathbed, wishing for the days long gone of his youth. That gun matters because it was crafted a scene in the story. That closet door matters. That pink, purple, blue bisexual lighting matters.

It takes time and practice as does anything, to start seeing hints and stuff. You ever notice how in kids movies, there's dirty jokes for the adults--you wouldn't get it if you didn't know, if you weren't already open to the concept of hotboxing a car the way it looks Shaggy and Scooby are doing in the live action 2001 Scooby Doo movie. Straight people aren't going to put much emphasis on an open closet door as say queer people because we know what an open closet door means in our lives, what it stands for. Same thing goes for other hints and such in media. When black people--myself included--were upset about that white Animal Crossing player on Twitter who used the afro puff hairstyle and called it space buns and doubled down on her commentary, unwilling to admit that the particular hairstyle was puffs, not buns, because of the hair texture used in the styling. That is something non-black people may not have noticed, hence calling it space buns. But it matters; that detail Nintendo added matters and brings new life to the game and helps black players feel more like their characters in game.

While that bit about Scooby Doo and Animal Crossing may feel out of left field, imagine both media pieces without that hotboxing joke and without the addition of black hairstyles. Completely different movie as an adult not having that joke to laugh at, completely different game to play without having hairstyles to relate to. Completely different story not having that gun on the mantle, or having Mike standing near open bedroom doors (which really does not have meaning in my mind unless you're in California suffering through an earthquake), or having purple curtains instead of blue. It takes time to see those things, and of course not every little thing matters (the shape of a cloud doesn't matter until someone says they think it looks like a dog) but together, these details build a story/universe/relationship/etc that invites people to critique and pull whatever meaning they desire from it.

[elf-osamu]

Hii! Can I request (female or gn) reader x Jouno, Tecchou, Ranpo, Fyodor and Nikolai? And that reader is maybe jealous cuz boys show too much attention to another person? Thank you and have a nice day/night!

hey :) thank you for requesting ! i wrote this thinking about the main reasons one might be jealous of someone (for example, being insecure about oneself), tbh i'm not really fond of jealousy 😭; also i apologise for the wait ! i hope this is to your liking anyway <3. btw, just so you know, i don't write girl readers/nm. and have a good day/night too !!

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

JŌNO, TECCHŌ, RANPO, FYODOR, NIKOLAI W/ AN INSECURE!JEALOUS!READER

[ masterlist ]

hurt/comfort, romantic relationship, saigiku jōno, tecchō suehiro, ranpo edogawa, fyodor dostoevskij, nikolai gogol (separately) x gn!reader

warning(s) : use of pet names, slight jealousy, insecurities about oneself, reader has low self-esteem, anxiety thoughts, food mentions, slight cursing

words count : 3,719 words (i wrote these one-shots in the span of one month so their writing styles are all a bit different ig 😭)

plot : “you see your partner spending a lot of time with someone whom you don't know. anxiety thoughts fill your mind. are you good enough? does he still love you?”

SAIGIKU JŌNO :

[ ☆ ] i believe that jōno wouldn't disclose his true job to his partner, or at least not at the beginning of your relationship.

[ ☆ ] he'd simply say that it consists in something really similar to a civil servant or smth like that.

[ ☆ ] you wouldn't question his affirmation. everyone has their own secrets, right?

saigiku jōno wasn't a bad partner, not at all.

spending time with a fascinating person like him was entertaining and almost inspiring, somehow. you were amazed by his cunning and keenness, by his peculiar ways of discussing certain topics, by his dazzling grin and many, many other qualities of his.

one thing that, however, you worried about, was his job. you couldn't seemed to understand how your boyfriend spent all those hours preceded by a soft “i'm going to work, see you tonight”.

normally you wouldn't have cared, but every day after he got home he was clearly stressed, even if he always admitted the opposite. after taking a quick shower, saigiku would lock himself in his studio to still work. you'd have liked to at least lend him a hand, even if that wouldn't have meant knowing the true nature of his job.

also, he was often on call with other people whose names you didn't know, probably his colleagues, discussing some kind of problem at work.

you completely ignored the severity of their tasks.

today was no different from other nights: the side of the mattress next to you was cold, it being untouched from your lover; the only sounds you could hear were the ones of your own breath; you felt incredibly lonely, as if no one else lived in that house.

and yes, a bit jealous of his associates.

you sighed as you looked at your bedroom's ceiling.

of course jōno had to think about his job and spend time with his colleagues, but also you were a person present in his life who deserved a bit of his company, weren't you?

[ ☆ ] as minutes and minutes passed, you took courage and went to confront saigiku about your feelings on the matter.

[ ☆ ] surprisingly, he proved to be very understanding and he apologized for his inattentive, careless behaviour.

[ ☆ ] “despite my demeanor, i'd like to let you know that you are not a nuisance in this relationship. i won't make the same mistake twice, you can be sure of that”.

[ ☆ ] and he really means it. jōno is a man of his word.

TECCHŌ SUEHIRO :

it didn't happen anything particular that day; the windy weather brought a cold but bearable air, which only made you slightly shiver.

however, along with it, a melancholic feeling was slowly breaking through your heart, like a swift arrow trying to pierce its distant target.

the said disgressing sensation was indeed persistent in its purpose of spoiling your mood, not wanting to leave you even for an instant. it metaphorically resembled a shadow, always in your company even in the moments when you absently forgot it.

you knew that there was no reason to feel upset, it was just one of those bad days that were a part of this miserable, sorrowful yet beautiful life.

nevertheless, you asked yourself why you had to be in that state in that specific evening.

“[name], do you have any idea what to order?”

you looked up from your menu to where your boyfriend was, or sitted in front of you, and you slightly sighed while a shy grin made his way to your lips.

he was ethereal in his suit.

“not yet, there are too many delicacies to choose from. what about you?”

“to tell the truth, me neither. i'll ask the waiters to wait a few more minutes.”

that specific evening was a date with your partner, who was usually busy at work to spend his time with you - and you too were busy with your job and private life, for the matter. it was rare to have moments like those, to forget about the rest and enjoy a peaceful moment together.

coincidentally, however, you didn't feel very well; you had little to no energy that wouldn't have been enough for you to hide your discomfort. yet you didn't want to talk about it to him, you didn't want to bother suehiro on such an uncommon occasion.

after some time, a staff's member came up to your table and you two said your own orders. you couldn't help but notice that all the time they looked at your boyfriend, almost ignoring your presence, and you felt a bit uneasy.

tetchō was a kind of oblivious person in regard of others' attempt to flirt with him, he didn't really notice nor cared about it. neither you normally did, but in moments like those you clung to anything slightly suspicious and immediately saw the worst possible scenario.

i'm just exaggerating, that's for sure. gosh, i'm really tired, my head seems to be imploding.

when they left, your boyfriend took your hand in his.

“by the way, we haven't discussed properly about our lives yet. how are you doing, my dear? did anything worth, or not, mentioning happen?” he asked with his gentle voice, eyes fixed on yours.

suehiro was a kind and caring soul, though not without his own secrets. when he told you about his job, you were a bit skeptical at first; however, after truly knowing him, you found out that he wasn't as merciless as it seemed: he had a big heart, seeking justice for those who couldn't afford to find it for themselves.

certainly, not always in the most desiderable way possible.

as the evening went by, that staff member found any excuse to go back to your table and talk to your partner. you had no energy to reply back or to talk about your discomfort to tetchō, so you remained silent while uneasiness was devouring your heart.

tetchō, being the polite person he was, didn't cause any fuss nor he noticed their intentions; he always responded calmly at them, ending up talking to them more than you.

[ ☆ ] after paying for dinner, you both headed to his car, respectively sitting on the driver's and passenger's seats.

[ ☆ ] “i... i would like to talk to you about something; i'm not really sure how to say it, though,” you said in a whisper, looking at your intertwined fingers that were laying on your lap, not wanting to face him.

[ ☆ ] “love, you don't have to say anything that you wouldn't prefer to disclose. perhaps, it'd be better if we were in a more quiet place?”, your partner genuinely asked, worried about your well-being.

[ ☆ ] you silently nodded.

[ ☆ ] he drove for a while, then parked in front of the sea. it was a quiet night.

[ ☆ ] “would it be okay for you if i vented right now?”

[ ☆ ] “of course, [name].”

[ ☆ ] so you started your monologue, from your negative thoughts to the staff person at the restaurant, not without biting your lips to avoid crying. you felt miserable.

[ ☆ ] tetchō, after you finished, asked if he could hug you.

[ ☆ ] whatever your answer is, he wouldn't complain.

[ ☆ ] “i'm terribly sorry for not having noticed your state. next time, please, let me know and don't feel forced at all to do anything you don't want to.”

[ ☆ ] “also, when you ever feel like this, keep in mind that i love only you.” <3

RANPO EDOGAWA :

[ ☆ ] before starting with the request...

[ ☆ ] i think you and him, at the beginning of your dating story, had a mutual agreement to absolutely respect your personal spaces.

[ ☆ ] what i mean, in this case, is that ranpo would never use his great deduction-skills on you without your permission.

[ ☆ ] this rule allows you to decide what you want to share and what not with him, instead of being read like a book in five seconds and not having a minimum of privacy.

[ ☆ ] so, he wouldn't understand right away if something (or someone) is making you uncomfortable (and this is true in general, in every kind of relationship communication is the key).

[ ☆ ] anyway, it was a day like another...

ranpo had many cases to solve, along with different candy shops to explore for the sake of his own palate. they were sorted with all kinds of sweets, from lollipops to colorful marshmallows to mini cakes. your boyfriend's eyes were full of pure joy at the sight of all those delicacies.

you softly sighed, a small smile was forming on your lips. there weren't many things that ranpo enjoyed, so you were glad that he found in sweet treats something that piqued his interest.

after purchasing the greatest detective’s favourite snacks, you two proceeded with the pursuance of his case. normally, he would go out with his other colleagues, but today he asked for your sole presence. perhaps it was his way to spend time with you, since his daily schedule was usually full.

“remind me again, what else we need to do? we solved this case, didn't we?” ranpo genuinely asked, picking a fruit jelly from its package and offering it to you.

“almost,” you replied, swallowing the candy while muttering a quick ‘thank you’. you took from your backpack the folder containing all information about the case - being one of the detective agency's secretaries had its advantages - and then you checked the texts on your phone. “now, now... ah, yes. one of the victim's sibling, who is also their legal guardian and a witness to this case, wants to talk to us; kunikida said that you could be familiar with them. their name is...” you pronounced it.

“oh, right, i know them! they were involved in another case, many years ago. at the time i was twenty and, since we had the same age, the president let me keep them company”.

“it could be that they just discovered that you were assigned to this case, so it's kind of an opportunity to reconnect with you” you thought aloud, attempting to steal a marshmallow from your boyfriend, widely grinning after succeding in it.

ranpo jokingly pouted, “hey! i bought them with my own money”, and in response you kissed him.

“you jerk...” ranpo murmured, biting his bottom lip, clearly trying to hide his smile.

you two continued to tease each other on the way to the agency; when you arrived at your workplace, you composed yourselves and went to the hall, where the victim's sibling was waiting for ranpo.

you decided to leave your partner some space and went to the coffee table, filling your personal mug with the sour drink. you took a sip of it, and in the meantime you set up your messy desk, writing down in your notebook the main information about the case, which you would then have to write as a report.

you could hear the two of them chatting about their first encounter, laughing of the old days, and a tinge of jealousy formed in your heart.

ranpo wasn't one to befriend with witnesses nor victims, as all the agency members he was professional when the time came, however they seemed pretty close...

i should concentrate on my work. why am i even thinking about such shallow matters? we are literally dating and they are a witness, that's all. i'm just overthinking things.

nevertheless, you lifted up your gaze, anxiety creeping within you. they were still talking, but the witness had put a hand on ranpo's shoulder.

you freezed. ranpo detested physical contact, only a few people could dare to touch him; yet he didn't move.

maybe they were dating those years ago? ranpo seems comfortable with them. of course he would, they are nice, beautiful, and they have an angelic voice. they seem to have all the qualities that i lack of. no wonder that-

you slapped yourself mentally. you had to focus on your notes or else you could end up indulging more in those thoughts.

“thank you again, i'm grateful for your work in regard of my sibling. now i shall take my leave,” you heard saying, then the witness quickly left the agency quarters.

you slowly sighed in relief, although you felt bad for what you have thought; you shouldn't have doubted ranpo's loyalty and trust. gosh, why were you such a mess?

you took your head in your hands, closing your eyelids; though you didn't notice your boyfriend, who was reaching your side.

“[name], what's the matter?” he whispered, not wanting to scare you.

[ ☆ ] he sat on your lap while you explained him the situation.

[ ☆ ] ur man would reassure you with cuddles and snacks, along with kind words.

[ ☆ ] “i won't lie, that touch made me a bit uncomfortable, but they didn't know that i generally despise it. plus, for me they are just a witness,  nothing more.”

[ ☆ ] “my dear, i love you and you only. let's head home to spend time together, shall we?”

FYODOR DOSTOEVSKIJ :

[ ☆ ] i imagine fyodor being someone that goes frequently to libraries, spending hours sitting on a wooden chair, reading books of every kind, mainly the classic, philosophical and psychological ones, which explore human nature.

[ ☆ ] if given the opportunity, he would gladly talk about his opinions on various topics.

[ ☆ ] though, he only talks about it in depth with a trusted person with whom he finds himself at ease.

[ ☆ ] so it kinda became your thing to talk about different matters and ideas in the said quiet place.

[ ☆ ] in this one-shot i used the russian diminutive of the name fyodor, that is “fedya” (федя).

as you entered the gothic library, you detected the familiar scent of old books. the atmosphere of the past still lingered between those walls, there were few traces of the modern world there - as if one wanted to maintain the grandeur of the building.

that hadn't really been a great day for you, your self-esteem wasn't the best and you sure needed some kind of comfort. you silently hoped that fyodor would bring you reassurance through his silvery voice and crisp speeches.

you headed to the philosophy & psychology section, remembering that your partner informed you of his location beforehand.

you found him reading an old tome and at the same time writing something down on his notebook.

“hi, fedya,” you murmured, placing a hand on his shoulder. although you couldn't see it, the corners of his lips rose in an affectionate smile. “good afternoon, darling”.

you took a seat next to him, watching intently the way he was smoothly writing on the white paper. strands of dark hair adorned his pale, delicate skin while his amethyst eyes, illuminated by the light of the room, were softly glimmering at the book's pages.

how could an almost angelic being like him be with you? probably, it would always remain a mystery.

“fyodor, i'm back- oh? who are they?” someone behind both of you asked.

you jumped on the spot, surprised by the new voice; turning around, you looked at the person who had just spoken. you were certain that they weren't someone you knew, perhaps they were a fyodor's friend?

“they are [name], my partner,” your boyfriend replied calmly, without turning back. “and [name], they are a regular customer of the library as us, we met just a few hours ago”. precise and concise as always, without saying more than necessary.

“oh, it's a pleasure to meet you. i didn't think that a bookworm like him could have a partner,” they jokingly said, causing you to stiff in your chair.

“the pleasure is mine,” you returned the greeting, although you were a bit skeptical of the new... acquaintance.

as they and fyodor, close-knit, began talking about some philosopher you did know nothing about, insecurities invaded your mind.

now, fyodor wasn't one to befriend people so easily, was he? it was rare of him to be interested in people, unlike material goods, which seemed to greatly satisfy him, to fill the void in his heart. you felt foolish and terrible for thinking such things, but maybe... just maybe...

“i apologise folks, but i must bid you farewell,” the person near fyodor said in a fake melodramatic tone, standing up and putting on their coat, “i hope we'll meet again”.

[ ☆ ] some moments later, you laid your head on the table, snorting at yourself for being so insecure.

[ ☆ ] i hc fyodor to be someone who reads body language well, so of course he knew what you were thinking all this time.

[ ☆ ] “i must say, i am not usually fond of people, you know for sure. but, in spite of this, i can say that you, my dear, are an exception. you are my one and only. truly”.

[ ☆ ] jjk reference who.

[ ☆ ] fyodor uses words to reassure you ! he's not really a hugger.

NIKOLAI GOGOL :

[ ☆ ] let's forget for the time being that he's a wanted t3rror!st, shall we?

[ ☆ ] obviously i'm not asking this because otherwise i wouldn't know what to write for this one-shot, pff haha why would you assume such a thing/s

[ ☆ ] nikolai couldn't you have a normal job or smth you f*cker/lh/j

[ ☆ ] anyway, in this one-shot i used the russian diminutive of the name nikolai, that is “kolya” (коля).

having an outgoing personality allowed nikolai to easily get to know people: his friendly and warm nature captured the hearts of others, as a comfortable sweater on one's figure, making it almost difficult to ignore him.

of course, there were some that found his unreserved temperament to be a source of annoyance, which however your boyfriend didn't care about at all.

perhaps it was this nonchalance of his that made you fell in love with kolya, the way it didn't matter to him what the others thought of him as long as he could do whatever he desired.

“babe, are you listening to me?”, a familiar, husky but pleasant voice brought you back to reality.

your boyfriend, who was sitting next to you, was looking at you with a confused expression.

“oh, sorry kolya, i was lost in thought. what were you saying?”

“i was wondering whether you wanted popcorns - and sharing them with me - or something else” he explained while running a hand through his hair. “the others already ordered their snacks for the movie”.

“popcorns are just fine,” you replied with a hint of a smile, “thank you”.

he leaned over slightly to leave a kiss on your lips. “no problem. extra large cup, 'm i right?”, you quickly nodded. then he stood up, heading to the cashier.

the so-called ‘others’ were a bunch of people about your age, that you and nikolai had just met there, at the cinema's hallway, waiting to enter the movie room. coincidentally, kolya found out that your seats were close, so why shouldn't you all befriend?

truth was that, despite being constantly reminded by your boyfriend that he truly loved and adored you, your self-esteem wasn't the best; many people admired him, so why did he chose you? and, too preoccupied to pay attention to your (untruthful) thoughts, you had no energy to socialise and talk to complete strangers.

“i'm here~ oh, we can enter in the room now!” your partner exclaimed; one of his arms was holding the huge portion of popcorn, while the other went to loosely rest on your waist.

he had noticed your bad mood, it was just that he didn't know how to approach it and if it was the best decision to make anyway. he was the type to joking around to lift up others' mood, but openly talk about it? it wasn't really his thing, mainly because he wasn't so in touch with his feelings as he seemed to be.

you two followed the new-formed group, discussing the possible endings and plot-twists of the movie, even though you all had only watched the trailer.

after taking your seats, the movie started.

some time passed, between a scene and another; nikolai talked a bit with you and a bit with the other person next to him, but then he arrived at a point where he was speaking only to them and you were the one eating your shared popcorn.

i must not get upset. there's nothing wrong with what they are doing, they are simply having a conversation, aren't they? why am i so f*cking irritable today?

you couldn't lie to yourself, you felt a little neglected by the whole thing; it would have been a different story if that had been an evening with friends, however they were just an unknown person. but they weren't doing anything strange, right?

[ ☆ ] as you continued to ignore your susceptibility by being silent instead of speak up, the movie ended and so, after saying goodbye to the ‘others’, you two left the cinema.

[ ☆ ] at the cinema's exit, you took your boyfriend's hand and started playing with his fingers, a sign that you were nervous.

[ ☆ ] a few minutes later, nikolai stopped his footsteps and looked at you, forcing you to stand in front of his eyes.

[ ☆ ] “my love, what's wrong? y'know you can tell me anything”

[ ☆ ] “kolya it's nothing-”

[ ☆ ] “[name]... if you don't feel like explaining it to me right now, it's fine. but, don't lie to me, please.”

[ ☆ ] after some hesitant moments, you started talking about your feelings in regard of the previous situation.

[ ☆ ] nikolai waited in silence, while he was hugging you, leaving some soft kisses on your face, there and there, to encourage you to talk.

[ ☆ ] in the end he would reassure you a lot !!

[ ☆ ] and he would make up for that night doing a movie marathon at his place with you and you only.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

[ do not copy, translate, repost, etc. | by @ elf-osamu ]

[loveanoutcast]

ok but I read games and I am ADDICTED and I just thought I could maybe request something like-

Eren meeting the reader through a simple comment and a timeskip to them being v close until they eventually end up in a fight because reader was ranting to eren about how perfect their crush (who is actually eren) is and him just exploding and them getting into a fight until the reader eventually goes "that person is you, dumbass!" Or smth like that and from there it all just turns into a lot of kisses and smut👀

only if you're comfy/in the mood of writing smth like this tho! just had this random thought last night and thought I'd request a little erenxfembodiedreader

Anyway have a nice day, night, afternoon, morning, you're amazing :D

Oh my gosh, this is my first request ever and I am so incredibly excited to write this and I really hope I did good in writing something you would want. Thank you so much for submitting this request, please feel free to send more! I love writing fanfics of any aot character and will do my absolute best to embody them in these. Sorry for the long wait, when I say the last chapter had me all the way FUCK3D up. EreMika is canon and I haven't been able to stop saying "He loved her, oh my god he loved her" in that "and they were roommates" vine way because that's my coping mechanism and it's cheaper than therapy. Anyway, I give you-

"Assumptions."

Pairing: Eren Yeager x Fem!reader

TW: nsfw, smut, angst, jealously, swearing, yelling, a bit of fluff, unprotected intercourse, breeding kink, a bit of voyeurism, a bit of sexism, eren being denser than a rock, Levi having health issues because he's old

Other: aot world if the mess of season four never happened and eren didn't fall to sad bitch hours, reader is a regular girl with family issues, all characters are over 18, Erwin never died and Floch never went insane

It wasn't that Eren hated going into town, but he wasn't exactly used to going to town alone. He always had Mikasa and Armin flanking either side of him but since the discovery of the world outside the walls and the decreased threat of titans, scouts were needed more than ever in the recovery of the lost districts. Mikasa was the second strongest soldier alive and Armin was expected to take after Erwin. Eren was useful when it came to being the one who possessed the attack and founder titan, but lately there was no big threats that required his titan abilities.

That didn't stop Hange from poking him, nor did it stop Captain Levi from keeping him busy with even the most minimalist of tasks. Today was no different and when the options were given to him and Jean, who was still asleep in his bunker, on shoveling horse shit or going into town to stock up on supplies and check to ensure all market suppliers weren't being capitalist pigs to the local vendors, Eren all but hauled ass through the door, hand swiping the grocery list off the table and yelling, "Good luck Jean-boy!"

Everything seemed to be going just fine, none of the local vendors had any troubles and most seemed happier with the drastic improvements of the living situations for Eldians. The fear of being eaten any day now or losing a loved one to war had seemed to be the driving force that had led to problems before. Some people recognized Eren, but no one seemed to want to approach him. He had had encounters with people who thought of him as a god, but he usually ignored them or kept a level-headed composure. Despite knowing that he had a power no one else had, outside of being a titan-shifter, Eren didn't really know what he had to offer. Armin was smart, Mikasa was strong, and he couldn't exactly claim titan-shifter seeing that Armin was also the colossal and Ymir had been the jaw.

He let out a sigh, kicking a rock in his path and silently yearning for something beyond his knowledge. Despite knowing that he was never really alone, he felt lonely a lot of the time. He had never given much thought to settling down, with the clock running out on him he often thought what was even the point? He wasn't sure if he wanted to keep being a soldier or if he wanted to go back home one day, he didn't really try to dwell on the future, content with being in the present and having Mikasa always on the verge of tears when she was reminded that he would one day die, didn't really give him room to think of much else.

You weren't oblivious to the tales and rumors that went around the town about the scouts and their secret weapon in the form of a shapeshifting man and how him and his comrades were able to plug the hole in the wall of a district your family had come from long ago. Your father had long since escaped the walls of Maria before it fell, he made an honest living being a construction man, and your mother was a nurse who happened to catch his eye when he had a roofing accident. They built a life for themselves within Wall Rose. You weren't the richest family, nor did you have a name that was well known. Nonetheless, you were all hard working. Your brothers worked for the respect they got, one being a weapon maker and the other being a bar keeper was enough for the part of town you were in. Even their wives did well for themselves in being a seamstress and bar waitress. As the youngest, you were loved and cared for. You weren't the most beautiful girl in town, but you turned heads nonetheless, well until one of your brothers decided to glare or promptly hit whoever doted on you too long for their liking.

The people who knew you, thought you were trouble. Mostly the elders spewed of you and your ways of thinking being a disgrace to everything Eldians stood for and bringing only shame to your gender, you were a woman ahead of her time and they couldn't stand it. Like your mother you had entered the medical field, but even when you were small you claimed you would be a doctor one day. You shadowed and worked under the supervision of the town's doctors. Many amused at your antics, some who didn't care about you being a girl and just grateful to leave such responsibility on someone who was genuine in the intent, and others not caring one way or another and not willing to hear your screeching pleads to observe what they did. Your mom had spoken with you more than once about settling with being a doctor's aide, today being no different and you let out a sigh as you looked to your mother's pained expression.

"I just don't understand why you insist on making your life so difficult? It was bad enough when you proudly exclaimed your goals in front of the entire church, but now this?"

You could only look away, looking towards the fields where you saw your third brother grooming the horses. You hadn't said anything bad, you were approached with a job offer that would give you the title and respect you had been desperately craving, and it would bring greater honor to your family...or so you thought before your mother reacted the opposite in which you hoped.

"I will not have any daughter of mine chasing dreams and fantasies off in some other place where no one can protect you. This is a suicide mission and I for one will not stand by and watch you march forward to your downfall."

Your father stood behind your mother, not really saying anything and not even looking at you. You felt especially bad for the commander and captain who stood on either side of you and were bearing witness to the absurd exchange between your family.

"Mrs. Y/L/N, you have to know that if Y/N were to accept this offer, she would never be in the front lines. We have bases located all throughout the walls and she would do what she did best and be our primary doctor." Commander Erwin spoke with such calm words, his demeanor kind and patient.

"So you expect me to let her run off with a bunch of men whose brains are broken from the wars they fought and not worry? She is not even married!"

You grit your teeth so hard upon hearing that, you were sick of the standards put forth on you since your birth. You were sick of the expectations you were in no hurry to reach and you were especially tired of the lack of faith your family had in you to be independent and strong. Your fists clenched and you felt a steady gaze on you.

"I'm not an expert or anything on parenting, nor will I act as if I am, but instead of yelling at her, why don't you try asking your daughter what she wants to do?" You didn't silence the gasp you released, looking at Captain Levi in confusion and admiration.

All eyes turned to you, your mother crossing her arms as if asking you to try and defy her. Erwin looked a bit expectedly and Levi looking indifferent to the entire conversation. It was your father who beat you to it before you could even open your mouth to answer.

"You have a choice, my daughter. If you choose to stay, you'll make your mother and brothers happy. You can continue to help people but you will never be acknowledged as a doctor...but you'll have your family. Or you can choose to leave and live your life to your own accord, but you will lose the respect of the town and your mother will never speak to you again. Are you willing to put yourself above your family?" You expected this from your father, always neutral and never judgmental, what he was saying was true after all. Were you willing to lose your family over your dreams? Would you be able to survive on your own with only the scouts to rely on?

Your head was hurting and your frustration only grew when your brothers decided to come home and after your mother wailing at them about your plans to leave, they were quick to overwhelm you with their own opinions. The commander and captain apologized but they had to leave and return to headquarters.

"Take your time on making your decision. We will come back in a few days for your answer." Commander Erwin told you, giving you a smile as he continued, "I know its a lot to ask you to choose us over your flesh and blood, but if you do. You have my promise that we will protect you, and we may never be able to fully replace your family in your heart, but the scouts will be a family on its own for you."

"Tch," Captain Levi shook his head, "Look brat, you will see and do things that you won't always like. People will die no matter how hard you try to save them, but call Erwin and Hange delusional--they see something in you. Don't walk into this half-assed, if you choose to be our doctor and you choose to take on the title and everything it carries with it, you have to dedicate your heart."

You only nodded. Two days had passed as you walked through the market, the small basket in your hands carried apples and some citrus fruits. Your mother still wasn't talking to you and your brothers seemingly assumed you wouldn't be leaving, only your father knew how frantic your mind was, and one morning he admitted that he would be delighted to have at least one of his children carry the family name on a military standing. So you had his support.

You even spoke to the animal doctor you had been shadowing for the past few weeks, his eyebrows had rose in an impressed matter and he promptly asked when you would be leaving.

"I haven't made a decision, yet." You said.

"You would be an idiot not to take it." Was all he replied before asking you to give the cattle their medicine.

Idiot, huh? You wondered. You knew deep down he was right. Your mind continued to play in endless loops of thought before you heard a commotion to your right. Turning your head you saw a group of men, their huddling seemed a bit more frantic and it was not until one of them yelled that you noticed one man in particular on his knees.

"Help! Someone call a doctor!"

The man on the floor was bleeding rather profusely and you didn't have time to question what happened before you quickly made way.

"Sir, let me see."

"Hey! Woman don't touch him!"

"Make yourself useful and go get a doctor! What the hell do you think you're doing!"

"I am a doctor." You calmly said, inspecting the gash on his side and seeing the edge of what appeared to be a broken pipe sticking out from the building behind them. The drips if bloods glistening in the sun only confirmed what you thought.

"We were-" The injured man rasped out, "Just horsing around."

"It's okay." You reassured, grabbing a roll of gauze and stack of medical napkins you always kept in your basket. You apologized before applying pressure to the wound, and you heard the patter of rushing feet.

"A doctor is on his way! A real one!" One of the men sneered, and you did your best not to roll your eyes and focus on stopping the bleeding. You asked the man to lie on his back and he surprisingly complied, he didn't seem to care about you being a girl and only seemed thankful to not be alone and scared.

"Do you hear that? Move before you kill him!" The first man hollered, the hand on your shoulder causing you to sharply inhale.

"Excuse me for one moment." You told the man, and you were quick as you hand shot up to grip the disrespectful ass by his wrist and twist it in one fluid motion, you wasted no time in using the building wall as leverage, quickly running up and using his weight to stabilize yourself before you roundhouse kicked him so hard it sent both of you flying back. You landed on one foot, balancing yourself before going back to the patient.

You couldn't deny how satisfying it was to hear the impact, or the groan of pain coming from him. Your eyes met the others.

"If any of you touch me, I'll do exactly what I did to your buddy there, but ten times worse. Now shut the hell up and let me save this man."

Eyes widely stared at you as you resumed caring for the injured, a few minutes passed by the time the doctor got there.

"Oh!" His eyebrows rose, "Hello Y/N, didn't expect to see you here. If I would have known, I wouldn't have left the hospital on its own."

"Hi Dr. Goodwin," You looked up, two fingers on the injured man's wrist and the other held up four fingers from your counting. You blushed slightly from his confidence in you and you noticed the men who bullied you all sport faces of confusion.

"His pulse is stable. I wrapped the wound tightly, but he needs stitches."

"Thank you, miss." The injured man grabbed your hand and you smiled in return.

"Don't mention it."

"Actually, it's Dr. Y/L/N." Dr. Goodwin said, seeing your eyes widen and the smile he gave only made your heart swell that much more.

The doctor nodded, thanking you before asking his helpers to load him to the small gurney they brought. He could only thank you briefly before you waved them off. The other guys had stayed back, eyes wide in disbelief that the doctor not only recognized you, but acknowledged your work.

"Are you a nurse or something?"

"Are you morons deaf? Did you not hear Dr. Goodwin? I'm a doctor too."

The leader seemed to recover from the kick you gave him earlier as his lip curled in an ugly matter, "What kind of sick joke is that? No such thing as a woman doctor."

"Obviously there is if I'm standing right in front of you. Or did my kick knock a few more scews loose?"

Eren was walking buy, noticing the commotion from afar and as a soldier, his instincts to provide help in dire situations kicked in. He elbowed his way to the front. Seeing you standing defiantly in front of five tall muscular men. He stepped forward as the main leader got in your face, but when you shifted your foot, he seemed to coil back. Eren noticed a giant welt on one side of his face and wondered how the hell he got such an ugly bruise. It didn't stop their onslaught.

"Who the hell do you think you are? What makes you think you could do whatever the fuck you want?"

"Because in this world, I'm free to do whatever the fuck I please." Eren watched as your eyes narrowed in further defiance, the smile on your face sickeningly sweet and all he could think about was how he had never seen such a woman.

You hadn't even noticed the audience that gathered, you side stepped the group of men, going as far as waving a goodbye with a breathy giggle, you picked up your basket. You had a small hop to your step and despite not caring to even spare a glance to the onlookers, your eyes met a pair of pretty green ones. The prominent bone structure made you think, "Wow."

However, the tall muscular body you did a once over on had you follow that thought with, "Oh damn."

Eren seemed dumbfounded, your obviousness in checking him out made him flush. He had never felt self-conscious over his body. He knew even before he hit puberty that he would do well to grow muscles and abs, the necessary type of figure to have if one were to be a soldier of the scouts. He knew it was also something some females found attractive in the opposite sex but it's not like he ever had time to date much less dwell on what girls liked. Seeing the way you looked at him though, he couldn't deny that he silently hoped for your approval.

When you finally met his eyes once more, you had him floored when he saw you drop a wink at him.

The crowd murmuring as they watched you go made his own eyebrows furrow in confusion. He stepped to one of the members and demanded an explanation.

"Honestly, the little lady was crazy! She came in here claiming to be a doctor and helped patch up a guy who got cut by the pipe over there. Instead of waiting for a real doctor, she made a whole fuss."

"Where's the guy?"

"Dr. Goodwin picked him up. That doctor is mad too, he also said she was a doctor, but that's ridiculous. No woman can be a doctor. That's so many levels of wrong."

Eren felt the urge to punch the man in the mouth, but one glance at the ugly bruise his friend sported reminded him,

"What happened to your face?"

The leader grumbled a bunch of profanities, "That little bitch. I tried to get her off before she messed the guy up anymore and she kicked me."

"In your face?" Eren sounded impressed, and he was when he received a nod of confirmation.

He looked to the direction which you disappeared in and said fine words to the group, "Whether you men like it or not. The world is changing, everyone is free to be who they want. If women can join the military no problem, they can be doctors too."

He saluted before rushing off, not hearing the mutters of annoyance from the men. In all honestly, Eren had no clue on what he was doing.

You were scrubbing off the blood from under your fingernails near a fountain when you hear the shuffle of feet from behind you. You silently hoped it wasn't any of those morons asking for more trouble, but you were pleasantly surprised when your eyes met a pair of green ones from before.

"I'm Eren." You smiled at him, nodding and your smile turned quirked when he stuttered in, "Yeager. Eren Yeager."

Hmm, you had thought, His name suits him. You studied his demeanor, not missing the gear strapped to either sides of his hips or the green hood covering his shoulders. You knew immediately that he was a scout and you wondered if he knew Captain Levi. Before you got the courage to ask him, he beat you to it.

"What did you mean by what you said earlier? Do you really think that? That we're all free to do anything we want here?"

You smiled as you nodded, walking towards a vendors stand and Eren fell into step beside you, you felt nervous around him, but also safe with his company. He watched you as you picked up another apple to inspect.

"We have laws and rules though...so we're not technically all the way free?"

"I'm free to be me, just as you are free to be you...Eren...Yeager."

It was the way the sun hit your face in that moment, highlighting your strong cheekbones and giving a special glint in your eyes that made Eren want to hear your thoughts more. He spent the rest of the day asking you questions, never satisfied with the small responses you gave him and he even walked you home. The mean glare from your mother confused him beyond belief and it was your father's words that made you gasp in surprise that night.

"He's the titan shifter, the one who helped plug up wall Rose."

Your face had turned red in embarrassment, you were talking so casually to a literal titan and you even flirted with him. He even held your basket the entire trip to your house and you didn't even consider how informal you acted with your skirt. You had hitched one of them up your thigh to get better footing and hadn't missed the way Eren blushed at seeing so much skin. You knew the girls in the scouts wore pants, but even then they kept covered.

You were certain Eren wanted nothing else to do with a girl who held little to no morals, but you were caught by pleasant surprise when you saw him with Erwin and Levi the next day in town.

His eyes had immediately found yours and you didn't miss the blush on his cheeks as he gave you a small wave. You couldn't but laugh when Captain Levi suddenly kicked him.

"Who's got you turning red brat?"

"Uh-it's nothing, captain."

He didn't look convinced as you gathered the courage to approach. Erwin acknowledged your presence which Eren was grateful for, but his eyebrows still came down in confusion on how the commander knew your name.

"Y/N!" Erwin gave a polite smile which you returned, "So great to see you. We were actually just about to stop by your house."

"Really? What a coincidence, I was hoping to stop by headquarters today as well." Your smile was bright, and by the way the air around you seemed cheerful, Erwin returned your energy.

"Bearing good news I hope?" He still hesitantly asked.

You nodded as you laughed, "I would love to accept the offer if it still stands."

"Of course it does," Captain Levi scoffed, his arms were folded across his chest. You noted for the first time the soft grey color of his eyes and despite the deep scowl he was currently showing, he had chubby cheeks that made you want to squish, "We wouldn't be coming all this way for nothing."

"I thought we were coming to collect a new scout, Captain Levi." Eren asked, you felt yourself blush in realization that he had no clue it was actually you they were referring to.

"We are," Levi grabbed you by your arm and yanked you towards him as he pointed at you while looking at Eren like he was an idiot, "Meet the scout's new doctor. Dr. Y/L/N meet Eren-"

"Yeager." You finished, smiling towards Eren, "We've met."

Erwin and Levi exchanged looks as they watched you and Eren smiled at each other like a pair of idiots, the realization dawning over them and Erwin couldn't fight the smirk that crossed his face. Small world, he thought.

Six months had passed since the first fateful encounter you had with Eren. You had long since moved out of your home and besides the occasional secret letter from your father, you hadn't heard nor seen the rest of your family since your decision to become a doctor for the scouts.

It was a transition to go through as you lost one family and gained a new one, but everyone was so accepting and welcoming. The girls welcomed you with open arms, most notably was Sasha whose habit of eating everything and anything brought her to the infirmary on more than one occasion, Connie usually followed right behind her with a minor injury resulting from his carelessness. You had met Floch when he brought Jean in from a sparring session gone wrong and he immediately took a liking to you. Your level-headedness was like a breath of fresh air to him as he was constantly sorrounded by people he thought were idiots. Jean liked your confidence (The fact that you were easy on the eyes, didn't hurt either), Mikasa respected the way you didn't hesitate to put people in their place, and Armin admired that despite your obvious toughness, you were a kind and patient doctor who never turned anyone away. You were diligent and hard-working, yet your smile was always able to uplift any sour mood and you always put your best foot forward. The one time he had puked all over your hospital floor from eating too much undercooked meat was embarrassing for him, he thought for sure you were going to be angry and call him an idiot. Instead, you took his temperature, put a cold cloth on his head (despite his titan status guaranteeing a speedy recovery), and started a healthier diet plan for him. Armin was scheduled a weekly checkup with you, partly to ensure he was listening and partly for you to study him a bit more. Your research on the titan's ability to regenerate and recover from even the worst injuries was fascinating for you, you hoped to isolate the genes and figure out a way to maybe trigger it in regular Eldians without setting off the titan ability, the fact that Eren made it a habit to accompany Armin didn't hurt either.

Eren had grown attached to you, whenever he wasn't busy or in need of a place to hide from Captain Levi's wrath or Hange's insistence to poke and prod him, he would be hanging out around you or in your office. At one point you had to hide him under your desk when Commander Erwin stopped by to hold a meeting with you about providing first aid training to the scouts for excursions. You were always welcomed to accompany them outside the walls, but your work was enough to make you stay. You recalled the way Eren was pressed against your legs, the feel of his hands steadying himself on your calves and when your skirt had shifted up when you reached for one of the records, you felt Eren brush his fingertips along the muscle. You had stammered the rest of the meeting through and smacked him afterwards for putting you in such a compromising position. You were blushing furiously at the way he gave such a boyish grin and even that night while he walked you to your small cottage, he had a satisfied smile in place.

You always knew you liked Eren, you were also hopeful that the feeling was mutual. The both of you had grown close over the course of your stay, as the head doctor you were given your own living quarters, not too far from headquarters but not so close to the city that you would be given a hard time. Your cottage was fair in size and with the amount of income you were receiving, you were quick to furnish and decorate it to your liking. Eren had even helped by adding his own touches to the interior. The times you would go to the city with him was always met with many curious stares. Your age and gender made many turn heads when you walked in, the fact that you were the youngest and by far prettiest doctor the scouts had ever had made people naturally gravitate to you. Your ability to make friends quickly also made it that almost every weekend you were entertaining guests at your house. Sometimes it would be dinner with Sasha, Niccolo, and Connie. Other times you would be knitting and embroidering with Mikasa and Armin, there was even game nights with everyone until Jean and Eren became too competitive with one another. Other times when the higher ups had meetings (All of which you had to attend since you technically held an officer position within the military branch) you would offer your house where you all shared cups of tea and your famous baked goods. You had even seen Captain Levi grab seconds on your sugar cookies.

It was the times when Eren would swing by alone that caused your heart to flutter, he would walk you home almost every night now. At first he would find the poorest excuses to see you like needing a bandaid for his wrist from the biting (even though by the time you gave him the gauze it would be healed over completely) or try to "casually" be around the area when you would get out at three in the morning. Eventually your amusement turned to you asking him to walk you home every night under the guise that you were afraid of being targeted or hurt, even though everyone had seen you body-slam Reiner the one time he tried to hit on you when you were stitching up his eyebrow from an ugly gash. Nonetheless, Eren accepted. You would invite him in for tea every time and he would even bring you lunch on days he failed to see you in the cafeteria. It seemed like everyone under the sun knew about you and Eren's crushes on one another, so it was also a pain in the ass that neither of you had yet to make a move on one another. Even Erwin had assumed you two were together the one morning he stopped by your house on your day off to ask for your aid for a soldier who had broken their arm from a training exercise, his eyes had grown wide upon seeing you open the door in only your nightgown, you were rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you invited him in for breakfast.

Upon walking in, he immediately saw Eren exiting your bathroom in his casual jeans, his hair was wet and sticking up from the steam of the shower. Eren wasn't wearing a shirt and before Erwin could excuse himself completely you quickly explained how you hadn't wanted him to walk outside so late so he slept on your couch. You were washing his clothes and had left them out to dry and Erwin could only nod and stop himself from suggesting for Eren to bring spare clothes to yours, remembering that it wasn't his place to push or even encourage his team's doctor and titan-shifter to date even though by the way he saw you put jelly on Eren's toast while he made your cup of tea with three sugars was enough for him to almost just order the two of you to date. Instead, he gave a long rant to Levi, wondering aloud whether Eren was either oblivious to your affections or just an idiot, Levi only replied with, "Did you happen to bring any of the toast she made?"...he did and Levi later on answered, "He's just an idiot." while licking the excess jelly off his fingers.

It was another day at headquarters, the mid-summer day was hot and since the flow of traffic had been slow inside the infirmary, you found yourself mostly in the officer's lounge. You had opted to wear a long sleeve empire waist dress, the top had ruffles along your collar and the soft pink of the dress complimented your skin tone. It fell around mid-thigh and the black shoes you wore with them completed your overall look. Eren had stared at your bare legs for a while until he noted your haircut. You had only cut off the ends but your heart did a flip as you blushed from him noticing. You had been chatting with Hange about your research while Moblit spoke to Eren about the new set of routes to be taken during their next trip beyond the walls when Captain Levi walked in. Hange waved him over and he fell easily beside you.

"Hey." His arm brushing against yours and you hummed in response, leaning a bit towards him which didn't go unnoticed by Eren.

"Levi, did you take your medicine this morning?" About two weeks ago you had caught the captain asleep at his desk for the fourth time. You knew he overworked himself and refused to sleep in his bed no matter how many therapeutic pillows you got him, but while he was out like a light you decided to check his blood pressure, only to find it alarmingly high. You figured the amount of stress and cups of caffeinated tea were to blame. Levi kept in good shape, but considering his age and the fact that he never even considers laughing, you prescribed him medications to be take every morning and cut him off from his usual tea leaves. The former was easier to push as the calcium and magnesium capsules were easy to swallow, it was getting rid of all the tins in his desk that made him a bit unbearable to the new recruits.

He let out an annoyed grunt as he nodded. Your smile was soft as you put an encouraging hand on his arm and Eren was officially not listening to Moblit anymore.

"Thanks for sticking to your diet, Captain Levi. As a token of my appreciation, I got you these." You didn't let him reply, quick to act as always as you reached into the small basket you had brought and grabbed his hand to put the gray tin of loose leaves that you took out in his palm.

As usual, the captain was unfazed by your lack of appreciation for personal space. The past few weeks had done well to teach him how despite being yelled at, threatened, and even outright ignored at times, your cheeriness was impossible to diminish and you did whatever the heck you wanted even when it was at times impulsive.

"What is it?" He looked between you and the tin, the slight sneer on his upper lip making you release a giggle before you tapped the bow you tied on it.

"It's tea leaves." He raised a slim eyebrow which made you roll your eyes, "Decaffeinated tea."

"Let me guess, it tastes like shit." His eyes flickered to the purple bow, "Or it'll make me shit."

You laughed, you upper body leaning on his as you attempted to catch your breath. The joke wasn't that funny but the face he made was. You giggled as you shook your head and Hange watched in bemusement as you elaborated,

"It's the tea I always serve and judging by the three cups you had last time, I'm positive you'll like it."

Levi let out a nod, he hadn't even noticed that the tea you served had no caffeine but the heavy notes of honey in it probably explained its sweetness. He gave a quiet thank you before his scowl returned,

"So that's why I was on the crapper all night after the last meeting."

"With a potty mouth like that, it's not wonder you don't have a girlfriend." You deadpanned.

"I feel bad for the poor bastard who falls in love with you."

You let out a small tsk, smiling at him and hoping Eren heard as you said, "Well that depends if he admits he feels the same way."

Captain Levi quirked an eyebrow at you, his eyes knowing and you blushed under his stare. Your fingers fiddling behind your back and Eren hated the way Levi suddenly chuckled at you. His smile was a rarity and to have him giving it to you only meant one thing to Eren; the captain liked you.

"So there is someone you like? Who's the poor brat?"

When you were about to make another snide remark, Hange cut in and excused herself and Moblit.

"As fascinating as this is, there's a captured titan waiting my arrival and if I don't get to use this research Dr. Y/L/N just gave me before nightfall, I will lose my mind."

"I hadn't heard of us ever finding it to begin with." Levi sighed, taking a lock of your hair between his fingers and letting the curl bounce back before he excused himself to tag along with them.

"Someone's got to make sure four eyes doesn't get killed."

"That's why Moblit is going with her." You noted.

"And who do you think will make sure Moblit doesn't get killed?" He smiled once more, "Laters doc."

You waved goodbye to the three, the door clicking behind them and you turned to see Eren with his arms crossed. He was pouting like a child and you wondered what his deal was. You figured with your earlier comment, he would be over the moon to hear you hinting at liking him. You skipped up to him, getting on the tips of your toes as you poked his cheek.

"What's the matter? You look like a scolded child."

"Nothing." He muttered, looking away as his jaw clenched and you only poked him once more.

"Liar." You called him out, "Talk to me."

"You didn't answer Captain Levi's question."

You were sure that there was a giant question mark on top of your head, the gear in your mind shifting as you tried to recall what the captain asked before your mouth opened in realization. You couldn't help but smile as you looked down at Eren's shoes and he only seemed to grow angrier as he watched you blush.

"About my crush? Oh! Well I wouldn't call him a brat, but I guess his attitude could often warrant that title. He's got this sort of this determined mentality that I guess some people can find...overbearing." You played with the cuff of your dress, "But I personally find it charming."

"So he's charming?"

You hummed as you smiled, "He's a bit rough around the edges, but he always means well. He's easy on the eyes too. Got really nice hair and pretty colored eyes that makes me swoon around him. Not to mention his body looks like Zeus could be his father." To add emphasis, your body leaned side to side as you laughed.

Eren snorted, his eyes rolling as he thought of any guy he knew that was like you described. All he could think of was Captain Levi and Erwin. He hated to think of Levi as charming, but he was rough all around. Erwin had eyes that Historia had once described as pretty, but to think of you being attracted to someone as old as him made his stomach flip.

"Want to head back to my office?" You suggested, not wanting to leave Eren's side until he figured it out but also not wanting to stick around in case other officers walked in. You got a stiff nod and wanted to giggle when Eren still opened the door for you. As the both of you walked through the large building, you added a hop to your step as you continued,

"He's also such a gentleman. He respects me, he's never intimidated by my sharp wit, always opens doors for me, waits until I'm sitting before he starts eating, and he almost seems proud of me being a doctor. He's just so understanding and sure of himself as a man that I guess the idea of having a girlfriend in my position would never make him feel inferior." You turned to look at Eren sideways and noticed his shoulders hunched, you knew it was cruel how you kept teasing him but were hopeful that it would click for him soon, so you went on.

"Wow, sounds like a real keeper." He grumbled, now thinking of Jean or even Connie. Armin was too occupied with Annie and Reiner was too obsessed with Historia to hang around you. There was no way Beruto/Borrito/Bertoto would catch your eye as you had made it a point to always get his name wrong, but Connie made you laugh and Jean was always extra nice to you.

"I'm telling you, I think he's perfect. He's dependable, strong, and we share so many of the same ideas. I could talk to him for hours and never be bored and when I'm not with him, I feel...sad. I just constantly want to be by his side and if I'm not I want him to be thinking about me because that's exactly what I do."

You both entered your office, you walked up to your desk as you spoke, turning around and leaning against it to look at Eren. He had closed your door a little harder than necessary, the wood shaking against the frame as he crossed his arms and leaned his back on the door. He looked downright irritated and you bit your lip to keep from laughing.

"So why haven't you told him?"

You shrugged, "I think I've been pretty obvious about it, I'm always smiling when he's in the room, I always want to be with him, there's never a day where we don't walk together. I even wore this dress for him today."

You waved down at your figure, Eren's eyes looked over you twice and you jumped up on your desk, your thighs parting as you let the short skirt cover your panties and barely cover the tops of your thighs.

"I'm sure he'll love it." Eren spit out.

"I don't know..." You tilted your head, "Do you?"

Eren pushed himself off the door, going to your bookcase and letting his fingers brush the spines of the books, "It doesn't matter what I think. I'm not Mr. Pretty eyes. Sounds like a simpleton to me."

You let out an actual deep sigh and Eren met you with furrowed brows.

"What?"

"You're so fucking dense, Eren."

"What did I say?" He threw his hands up, "Just because I called him simple? I'm so sorry I don't care to hear you go on and on about this guy. I never thought I'd see you bend over backwards for some guy who opens doors for you. I thought you would have higher standards than that."

You let out a snort, "Keep talking Yeager, and I just might higher them."

"I mean I never thought looks would be so important to you. It's so-"

"So what?" Your tongue had a sharp edge that did not go unnoticed by Eren. He stood only a few feet from your desk, but you saw the awkward shift in his posture.

"Shallow." He spit out.

"Excuse me?" You gave him a look that said if he wouldn't apologize in the next ten seconds, he would surely live to regret it.

"What I mean is...what guy could possibly have this head over heels and you're just now telling me? I thought...I thought we-" He stopped, looking to the side and you relaxed before saying,

"We what, Eren?"

"I thought we had something special." He muttered. He looked to see your mouth opened in a small gasp and he began to turn to exit when you quietly beckoned him over.

"Eren...come here."

"No, I should g-"

"Please." You begged and the look in your eyes brought him to stand in front of you. Your hands reached for his shirt, yanking him forward and you hooked your legs around his calves. Eren gaped at you, not knowing what to do and say as you put one hand on his shoulder and the other cupped his cheek.

"You are such a dumbass." You laughed, "The person I've been going on and on about, that simpleton you bashed, is you. It's always been you, Eren."

It was like watching a light flicker on very very slowly, but once it was on you watched as embarrassment flooded Eren. His smile was sheepish and stupid as he stuttered over his words. His hands rested on your hips and you stroked his face from his temple to jaw as you asked,

"Do you maybe feel the same way?"

You didn't get a verbal answer, the sudden kiss Eren laid on you was an answer enough. His lips were soft and warm as they moved against your own, his tongue enveloped yours and you felt him lean more onto you. The moan that slipped out his mouth when you bit his bottom lip made something tighten in your stomach.

When you two finally broke apart you didn't miss the trail of saliva that connected the two of you and you whimpered for more. The second kiss was heavier, a clash of teeth and tongues as Eren feverishly wrestled to touch you everywhere his hands could reach. You felt him press against your core, the loud gasp you let out made him look at you in concern.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll stop if you want me to."

You shook your head as you met those green eyes that held you captive since day one, "More. I want more."

The smirk was something you had never seen, his eyes became half-lidded as Eren kissed your nose. Then your chin, then your neck. When he reached your collar, his finger hooked onto the top of your dress, pulling the fabric down as he kissed just above your breast.

"She wants more." He said to himself, the soft rasp in his voice made you attempt to close your legs. His hands pushed what little that had covered your legs up and Eren's fingers brushed your core.

The jump you gave made his smirk grow, "I haven't even touched you yet."

He saw the small patch of dampness on your panties, and before you could ask him what he was doing, you let out a sharp gasp when his fingers pushed the fabric to the side and he plunged two fingers into your pussy.

The moan he ripped from you was like music to his ears and as he began to slowly pump his fingers in and out he watched as your face became hot and red. It was uncomfortable as first, you could even say it hurt but that didn't stop you from rocking your hips up to meet his eager hands. You weren't entirely prepared as you felt a bit tense as Eren kissed your neck, the suckling on your flesh making small breathy whimpers leave your mouth. His other hand's fingers hovered over the buttons on the back of your dress and his eyes asked for permission as he glanced up at you.

A small tentative nod was all he received before he took out his hand from between your legs, his tongue skillfully licking the digits cleaned and you didn't think you would find such an act so erotic. You arm hooked around his neck as you brought him down to a kiss, you could taste yourself on his lips as he kissed you back eagerly, his fingers skillfully working the buttons on your dress and you wondered for a brief moment if he had ever done such an act before. You pushed the thoughts away, not wanting to lose focus or confidence while in the middle of being with Eren by letting unnecessary insecure creep into your heart. As if being able to read your mind, Eren said-

"Stop being in your head," A hard kiss against your lips, "Be here with me."

His nose rubbed sweetly against yours, fingers tilting your head up as you gave a hesitant nod. Your eyes wanted to focus anywhere but his eyes and you could felt warmth spread across your cheeks when the sleeves of your dress fell down your arms. The idea of letting Eren see all of you was as exciting as it was nerve-wrecking, the most he ever saw was your legs and back from that one time you walked out of the bath in only a towel. Seeing him shirtless was not new but you still felt your breath catch in your throat as you watched him yank the material off. Your hands explored the newly exposed skin, fingers dipping in every curve of muscle and your hand rested just above the waistband of his jeans. You noticed his breathing grow heavy, Eren's head falling forward on your exposed shoulder where you felt him nip and suck on the soft flesh. You returned the favor by kissing him on the chest, your eyes still casted downwards as you fumbled with the buckle on his belt, you let out a small curse from how hard your hands were shaking and Eren placed a gentle hand on top of yours, his eyes alight with amusement as his lips curved into a soft smile.

"Baby, relax." He murmured, he pushed your hands aside as he took over the task. You let out a deep breath as you heard the sound of his zipper being tugged down and you decided to be bold. You lowered the upper half of your dress, the cotton falling off your arms with ease and you blushed furiously once you remembered that you hardly ever wore bras and today was no different.

Your nipples were taut as you shivered from the cold air in your office and Eren stared at you in wonder his eyes raking your body as you looked to the side and brought your bottom lip in between your teeth.

"Fuck, can I touch you?" Eren blurted, his hands still near his trousers and you giggled when he added a last second, "Please."

Nodding, you figured it was time to stop feeling so shy. You had been dreaming about this moment for months, yet as the man you loved stood before you, eager to be with you, all you could think about was how scared you were that you wouldn't be enough to satisfy him.

One more glance at the way he watched you was enough for you to think, If he really didn't, he wouldn't be looking at me as if I put all the stars in the sky.

You felt the second wind of confidence hit you and you took Eren by surprise as you hooked your fingers on his belt loops and tugged the fabric down. You palmed him through the thin material of his briefs and his hips jerked from the contact before he melted against you. Lowering the elastic, your small hand wrapped itself around his shaft and you took a moment to admire his dick. It was something new and foreign to you, for a moment you wondered if all male penises looked like that but you pushed that thought aside as you found yourself not really wanting to ever know, as long as Eren's would be the only one you saw. You hand moved up and down, your thumb brushing across his tip as you swiped some of the liquid leaking out to use as lube.

You knew he was a few inches above average, the thickness was also enough to make you worry for a moment whether he would be able to fit in you as his fingers struggling to push inside of you were of any indication of how tight your body was. Either way you were determined to satisfy the both of you, the idea of him using you and watching his face come apart as he milked himself dry using only your pussy had your head feeling fuzzy with want. He rested his head on you, causing your body to lean back and you pressed one palm on your desk behind you and the other jerked him off a bit sloppily. His moans filled the space of your office, you secretly prayed to the gods that the scouts could be smart enough for once to not be injured or to be able to at least handle it themselves and your eyes flickered to the door for a moment.

"Eren," You murmured to the shell of his ear, his heavy breaths fanning across the span of your chest and you felt both your bodies getting hot. "The door, we need to lock the door."

His groan was the only response you got as he trailed kisses up your neck and shoulder, and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes, he was such a guy sometimes. You began to lower yourself from the desk before his hand on your leg suddenly halted your movements and he gave you a lazy smile, his half lidded eyes softly rolling as he let out an obnoxious groan of annoyance.

"I'll do it." He didn't even bother to tuck himself back into his briefs, his dick fully erect as he made way to your door. You felt your hand falling to your side and you bit your lip as you thought about what you wanted to do twice before letting your own hand push the fabric of your underwear to the side once more. You rubbed at your clit lazily as you softly moaned, your eyes closing at the sensation and you smiled when you heard the soft, "Shit." coming from a few feet ahead of you. Eren's eyes were transfixed on you, the way your head rolled back as your moans became louder and higher pitched was making him painfully hard and he wanted-no needed to be inside of you before he was sure he would come right then and there.

Your eyes were still closed when you felt him settle between your legs once more, eyes hazy and smile lazy as you felt him tug your panties down your legs. Your ass lifted briefly to help and you giggled when he grunted in annoyance from having to shuffle backwards to slip them off completely. He laughed with you as his hand cupped you by your jaw, lips finding yours in a tender kiss and the hand that had been rubbing at your clit was used to steady yourself by his shoulder. His muscles flexed under your touch and your breaths intermingled as he stared at you with such an intensity that you felt your stomach flip. You looked down to where he rubbed his length along your folds and gulped.

"I-I'm nervous." You admitted, cheeks blushing and Eren kissed your temple.

"It's okay, I'll take care of you. Do you trust me?" You gasped at the intensity in his eyes, Eren Yeager was one who never beat around the bush and you felt tears pool around your eyes as you nodded. Everything leading up to this moment overwhelmed you suddenly, losing your family, gaining your dream job, becoming independent so quickly, and falling in love with a man who turned into what so many feared but who let you place` flower crowns on his head during tea parties. He continued to maintain eye contact with you, your lips parting and eyes partly closing as he began to push past your labia. It all felt too much, but you wouldn't want to be anywhere else in that exact moment Eren pressed his tip into your passageway. There was a bit of resistance and the guttural moan he released made your eyes widen in an audible gasp, he looked ethereal with reddened cheeks, a slacked opened jaw, eyes that looked close to tears, and thin layer of sweat making his dark brown locks stick to his forehead.

He pushed another inch in, trying his best to not act too quickly or too harshly. All he wanted to do was fucking ruin you. Mark you as his by impregnating you and watching as you took every drop of his semen. It seemed you wanted it too as your hips jerked forward and took in another inch.

"Eren, please." You had no idea what you were asking for, he was being slow and gentle and as much as you appreciated his mindfulness, it had been six long months and if you had to go through another night of humping your pillow or rubbing one out with only fantasies of Eren touching you (Sometimes even Levi, depending on how much alcohol you had consumed) you were gong to scream.

Another inch and a deep chuckle was his response. Your eyes were set ablaze as the realization that he was teasing you.

"Please what baby?"

"Give it to me." You whispered, your hand tugging at his hair harshly and the hiss of pain he released was simultaneous when he completely thrusted his entire length into you. Your thighs jerked at the sudden intrusion and the cry you let out was loud enough that if anybody were nearby, the would have assumed someone struck you. Your hand smacked against his chest, your breath ragged as you attempted to give Eren an angry glance but your pussy betrayed you as it clenched hard around him.

You both released a gasp when Eren fully bottomed out inside you. His hips flush against your parted thighs and your foreheads pressed against one another, lips brushing but not kissing yet as you two came to terms of what was being done. You and Eren were one, there was no going back from what was about to transpire and you silently prayed that he wouldn't regret it later.

"Stop being in your head," He murmured against your mouth, eyes looking into yours, "Be here..."

He gave a heavenly thrust and you felt his arms wrap themselves around your waist as he forced you to fall back onto your desk with a small uff and your hands fell onto his shoulders. Your legs locked around his waist and the new angle caused him to be deeper inside you, but he continued to stare at your with that same admiration from that day he had met you.

"With me."

You nodded slowly, kissing Eren for what felt like the first time. A bit shyly and unsure as your mouth moved against his slowly, you savored the taste of tea and something sweet from his tongue and you let one of your hands hold him by his face as the other found solace in his hair.

Eren began to thrust into you, the rhythm a bit off at first as you two tried to find what worked and when he dipped his hips a little and heard the string of filthy words leaving your mouth, he gave a knowing smirk.

"Hmm, right there princess?"

You panted, your tongue lolling out as his began to go faster. One of your hands shot out to the side to brace yourself on something when Eren began to fuck you harder and instead you turned to see you hand knocked your bottle of ink over, the deep blue liquid was spilling everywhere but before you could let your brain process the mess, Eren began to suck on the flesh of your neck that you exposed when you moved your head. You moaned as you closed your eyes at the overwhelming sensations of it all, your hands grabbing at the muscles in his back and you arched your own and pressed your chest into him.

"Oh fuck," Eren moaned out, "This pussy is so good. You're taking me so well, princess."

"Yeah?" You panted out, "Going to cum in me, baby?"

Eren picked himself up on his forearms, too preoccupied with how pretty your tits looks bouncing with each thrust to notice the your hair was sprawled all over and the upper part of his arm was touching something wet, he figured it was the sweat you two were producing with your coupling.

"I'm gonna get you pregnant, make you mine forever."

"I'm yours!" You screamed as his hips slammed particularly harder down onto your own.

"Choke me, make me a mommy, cum in me, just please don't stop fucking me." You cried out, and a new sort of excitement showed in his eyes, his hand cupped just below your jaw and the light pressure he put on you made you moan louder.

The sounds of skin smacking, panting breaths, and heavy moans filled the air. Eren coaxing you to come all over his dick as you begged him to not pull out of you echoed of the walls of your office. You went on like that for a good while and you giggled in realization that your silent wish for everyone to leave the two of you alone for a while had come true.

Unbeknownst to you two, there had almost been three interruptions. The first being Captain Levi who wanted to ask if mixing his blood pressure medicine with wine would be too dangerous, but when he heard you scream he almost barged in before the unmistakable moan that followed made him fully come to a halt. He didn't even think twice about what was transpiring, briefly remembering that Eren was in fact with you this morning before quickly turning around and hauled ass as far from the hallway as he could. He wasn't sure where he was heading before he stumbled into Erwin's office, the commander looking up to see his captain look like he just ran a marathon.

"Levi? You look like you just saw a ghost?" His eyebrows creased, "Are you okay?"

"Yeager isn't as dense as we thought."

Eren stood to his full height, grabbing at your ankles and moving your legs onto his shoulders to they were fully parallel to his body. You let out another giggle at how your ankles were now on either side of his head, but the small kiss he gave your right one made you let out a noise of adoration. He gripped your hips, smiling as he noted the streaks of something blue all over your chest and neck but decided against telling you as your pussy began to pulsate around him. There was no way in hell he was going to stop you from orgasming.

The second time was Sasha and Connie as they wanted to ask if eating candies with the wrapper still on was anything they needed to worry about, but the sounds of your desk scraping across the floor with Eren commending you for being a good girl and taking him so well made the both of them stare at each other with wide eyes. The "Huh?"'s they exchanged were amusing to anyone else and Sasha grabbed Connie by the collar before they hightailed out of there. Connie wanting to see if Eren had really been capable of pulling you and Sasha calling it bullshit and stating that the real reason was that he wanted to see you naked.

His thrusts became wild and sloppy, the slushing sounds you two were making was the hottest sounds you ever heard. You held onto his wrists, your smile wide and beautiful and Eren knew he wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer.

"I'm not gonna last long," He let you know, you nodded as you reached down to rub your clit in circles.

"Fuck, you look so hot." He blurted, his cheeks a deeper red and you gave him another soft smile.

"Thanks, baby. You too." His abs were going to be the death of you and you hoped you would get the chance to suck him off later to lick them one by one in foreplay.

You felt him begin to twitch in you and you knew you were so close, your rubbing speeding up as Eren's thrusts were becoming more sporadic. The way his eyes began to roll upwards had you chanting,

"I'm-I'm cumming!" Your moan was breathy and high as you felt your release overwhelm your senses, you felt euphoria as you moaned so loud that Jean and Floch who didn't believe Connie when he said that Eren had managed to bed you stared at each other with wide eyes and gaped mouths as they stood outside your door. Their cheeks red as they rushed down the hallway as if their asses were on fire, not even halfway down the stairs when they felt their collars yanked at so harshly they almost trampled down, Captain Levi's glare knowing as he began to reprimand them for being nosy pricks.

Eren's cock dove into you hard and you felt him pulsate as he shot long ropes of cum into you, his essence overflowing as he filled you to the brim and painted your insides white.

His moan was unbelievably loud and low, the "I love you." That followed didn't go unnoticed by you and the smile he gave, made you realize how much he meant it.

"I love you." Your answered back, he pushed your thighs to your chest when he lowered himself to kiss you. His cock softening inside you and he slowed his thrusts down and milked himself dry. He tapped his tip on your sensitive clit, making sure he was empty before tucking himself back into his boxers and jeans. The creampie in you was beginning to ooze out and he used his two fingers to push it back in, your hips bucking at the intrusion and you whined about your sensitivity.

You sat up, your hand going to fix your hair, only groaning slightly when you felt the ink on some strands already drying. You huffed before jumping down and fixing your dress. Eren was putting his shirt back on, his back slightly turned to you and your eyes widened in embarrassment at seeing the blue ink in what was obviously your finger prints streaked all over. You looked down and saw that it had well faded from your hands, transferring to your lover who put on his jacket. You shrugged, figuring no one would see it and you could wash your hands later. Your hair would be a bit tricky to explain but you would be home to shower soon anyway, which reminded you-

"Do you want to stay over tonight?" You blurted, scaring Eren as his eyes widened, you bit the inside of your cheek and fumbled with your fingers.

He smiled, walking up to you and kissing you on the lips before replying, "I would love to. I have to do some work today, and pack an overnight bag but I'll be home by dinner." His eyes looked you over, stifling a laugh when he saw the marks of blue ink on your neck, debating on telling you but not being able to deny how cute they looked on you, a gentle reminder of what happened just moments ago and an odd turn on for him to think of it as him marking you as his, the lovebite also on the side making him watch you with love.

You nodded before giving a follow-up question, "Chicken or fish?"

"Fish." He nodded, you grabbed a few papers from your desk drawer and Eren asked if you were all set before taking your hand into his as the two of you began to walk out the office, you mentioned having to speak to Erwin about the cadet recovering from a broken limb and Eren listened patiently, your hands swinging in between the two of you and you both relished at how easy it felt to transition into a life of domestication together. He walked you to Erwin's office, his knuckles knocking on the door before a loud, "One minute!" replied.

You both shared a look of confusion before shrugging and stepping to the side. You fixing his hair and Eren's hand resting on top of your hips when the office door opened. You both turned to see Jean and Floch who sported sullen faces, their arms swinging in front of them as if they were children just denied a cone of ice cream.

"Boys?" You called, your free hand interlocking with Eren who stood in place as you took a step toward the pair. "Everything alright?"

They looked between you and Eren, Jean seeing the ink marks on your neck and seeing Eren's hair haphazard was enough to make him look to the floor, his cheeks reddening and Eren could only smirk. Floch was the opposite, he couldn't take his eyes off you as his face held a permanent grimace and you wondered if he was constipated.

"Baby," Eren called, tugging you back to him and Jean scoffed, Possessive ass is already showing her off. He thought to himself.

"They just got yelled at by Erwin, whatever they did was obviously bad, just leave them be."

You nodded in understanding, giving them a comforting smile and Floch didn't miss the knowing look in Eren's eyes.

"Sorry to hear about that. If you two ever need anything, you know where my office is."

"Yeah, that's the problem." Captain Levi's voice came from the doorway. Jean and Floch mumbled a quick goodbye before scurrying away and you couldn't help but fall into deeper confusion.

The captain and Eren exchanged looks before Eren bent to kiss your cheek.

"I got to go. I'll see you later, princess." You blushed at the nickname and public display, murmuring a soft okay in reply as your boyfriend? walked away from you.

You gave Levi a smile which he didn't return, you didn't miss the small blush on his cheeks and you figured it was from seeing such intimacy from Eren. You were almost positive Levi was still a virgin. Walking into Erwin's office, you all but skipped the man's desk, falling beside him and giving him a bright smile which he returned.

"Hey Erwin, just wanted to update you on the cadet's recovery plan. He should be back in training in a few months if he listens to my instructions, think you can help me?"

"Sure what do you need?"

"Well, I'd need you to sign these release forms first." You shrugged putting the papers in front of him, you looked at his desk and grabbed the pen, "Where's your ink?"

The chuckle the two men gave you made your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"What?"

"Seems like you're wearing it, Doc." Levi's eyes flickered to your neck.

You let out a gasp and your hands slapped to cover you and the laughs that followed only made you blush furiously.

Dammit, You thought, Eren you idiot.

[enden-k]

Different anon but I would like to hear the friendship with Zhongli essay

ok so first of all, this is all own interpretation and stuff again! just my thoughts etc, mainly about childe crushing on zhongli, liyue story and all that

childes relationship with zhongli is different bc i like to think, while traveler is the first person ever he considers a friend, zhongli is the first person he actually developed feelings for in his life (feelings he never had and doesnt know how to deal with?)

(the sea that manages to erode the stone, the rocks that manage to calm down the wild currents of a river, childes entire personality, wild and violent and free like the sea, carrying darkness inside him as dark as the deepest parts of the ocean compared to zhongli, whos grounded and balanced and everlasting as the earth, shining bright like gold; childe who wandered through the deepest parts beneath the ground and zhongli who traveled through the heavens in his true form--- theyre contrasting but fit together quite well, you cant say thats not intentional. you could take it as some kind of rivalry between them, to make them such opposites, but stuff like the chopsticks zhongli gifted to childe,etc etc can tip this over from rivalry to attraction so easily. idk if i make sense)

just like childe didnt have the time or thought of having a friend in his life so far due to being a warrior at a young age already and being busy with his duties, he also never fell in love. admiration and love for his archon sure, since he admires her strength and for being a true warrior, but more on a family way since i like to think she considers her harbingers as her children. romantic feelings? nah, never. thats where zhongli steps into his life.

i think what childe finds attractive or admirable is a persons strength and their "warrior spirit", this is smth whats important to him anw. he considers the traveler a friend (i love the idea of childe treating traveler like a younger sibling) bc theyre strong enough to handle him, he admires the tsaritsa bc shes so strong, so, i can see him being attracted to someone who can beat his ass who is truly strong possible AJCBKJ

now, im sure even if zhongli calmed down and grew more balanced and patient and gentle over the centuries, you cant get the warrior out of his body and mind. the way he carries himself, moves, is aware of his surroundings, not to mention his build you can already guess hes fit, etc etc is already pretty telling - this man can fight (childe himself said in his voiceline about zhongli (before you finish liyue archon quest) that "theres far more to that man than meets the eye" and "as for the extent of his power... lots to look forward to, i think". childe is not stupid, he already knows zhongli is more than just a sweet polite funeral consultant; it takes a warrior to recognize a warrior huh, he already knows zhongli is capable of fighting) so i like to think that this is what childe got his eyes on (apart from the fact that zhongli is just. extremely beautiful and striking)

i also like to think that childe - even though it was his mission to steal his gnosis etc etc - is very fascinated by morax and hoping to fight him to see if he himself can keep up and to see not only a warrior gods but also an archons strength, all that (and then it turns out sweet zhongli is also powerful warrior morax and isnt that perfection for childe right there--)

anw, osial, jade chamber, identity reveal--

do you all remember how upset childe got, he was throwing a tantrum? he didnt even want to board the same ship like signora AKJSBC hes so sweet

i think he wouldnt be so upset about zhongli revealing his identity if he didnt care about him and that it was not only bc of the fact that zhongli kept it hidden from him (considering he was also playing a game and not just zhongli); he has feelings for someone only for that someone to turn out to not be the person he thought they were but someone else, i believe thats what upset him (apart from thinking he was just a pawn to zhongli)

the fact that childe didnt talk about zhongli in any way during his story quest and also labyrinth warriors is like, as if hes avoiding anything zhongli to clear his mind and later reflecting/understand his feelings--

if zhongli was of no importance to him, childe would not even consider reconciliation; zhongli would be just dead to him. hes actually giving a chance for them to reconcile despite the identity reveal - through battle, something childe is good at and something he knows morax as a warrior god is good at too, asking, offfering zhongli smth thats important to him (the battle with morax he didnt have like he had hoped) in exchange for reconciliation; as if to see if zhongli will take up on this, show him he cares for him too and not just used him as a pawn but simply did what he had to (which childe would understand, he also had to do smth he had to)

i did not finish the new archon quest yet but i already heard/saw that childe and zhongli are on a date are seen together somewhere, apparently? dunno if its actually in the quest or somewhere else, ANW this is the first time we see zhongli and childe together after the identity reveal (and im so happy) - childe is chilling on the railing and zhongli is stepping up to him; maybe its just me being me, overanalysing everything but its like zhongli is making the first step to, idk, everything

aaaa

well

i would write more but i think this is the main things i had in mind? im sorry if this doesnt make much sense or is phrased awkward (english is not my native language)

[ranboo5]

whats 'the clip' and knifetrick?

Augh. Under the cut for shipping discourse and p/dophilia ment (nothing graphic or specific). Gets long bc I discuss my thoughts on DSMP shipping in general. You are setting me up fr anon

Some quick vocab -

intimacy here is used to refer to. Well. Any kind of intimacy between characters, of any sort, as an umbrella term /r, /p, and /qp here are used as shorteners to denote "romantic," "platonic," and "queerplatonic," both as adjectives And as verbs ("to /r" = "to portray romantically") shipping here is used to refer to any focused examination of intimacy between characters

And some clarity that Should follow from the essay next but may not - """anti-antis"""" and RPF writers delete forever

The Clip is from one of if not the? most recent Discord stage(s) Mr Live has done (which I missed when it was live RIP) wherein he issues a hard ban on shipping him ("do not ship me, in any way, with anyone!") which would less influence c!beeduo (which has been portrayed/stated to be romantic AND nonromantic both conflictingly for a while until being confirmed unconfirmed several months ago, that being the last was heard) without its direct invocation if he hadn't also cited for the reason as being underage ("'Cause, one, it's straight up pedophilia") which is! a) immediately applicable to At Least his DSMP character, Partially and b) while not Strictly True (should b obvious that portraying a relationship within the bounds of what it is in canon and in a nonsexual way is not That, and /r-ing c!beeduo etc was possible to do Appropriately again by remaining w/in the bounds of canon) is Clearly Indicative of the fact that baggage-wise it IS associated with people being fucking creeps

This Really complicates things bc like okay the apparent solution is "lol just don't /r it" but it's really like. A Worse issue than that bc like.

Okay the reason shipping in terms of fictional characters is a Different Bar is bc it's an examination of Intimacy and certain lines exist in certain dynamics of intimacy that Isn't Shown (which is the whole Within The Bounds Of Canon thing) which is important in a medium like DSMP because of the smaller gap + more personal relationship b/w character and streamer. Examining intimacy beyond th bounds of the consent that has been established in that regard is Weird at best and Violating And Creepy more often and, As Mentioned In Ranb's Stage, Literally Evil at worst

Which is why writing abt like. QPR or platonically intimate Techno and Philza (characters) is smth that is fine because that's smth that has been shown and repeatedly stated onscreen; it's in the bounds of canon n thus within th bounds of what the streamers've consented 2 be done with their characters. But writing T3chza making out or whatever is fucked up because it's smth that's beyond those consent barriers

And the thing is right

Slapping a /p on T3chza makeout doesn't. Make it less violating

Like what you CALL romantic is not the measure or whether it's past those barriers yk? And if it's indistinguishable, if it's in extrapolative territory that is Past The Bounds, it Does Not Matter how much you /p it EVEN IF IT IS TECHNICALLY PLATONIC y feel? Like at the end of the day placing a moratorium on some/all forms of shipping is placing a moratorium on certain examinings of intimacy

And okay 2 go back to Mr Live and his character. What it implies taken in context w/ older portrayals of c!beeduo and said by invoking smth that both evokes Really fucked up baggage (that does unfortunately exist btw I'm sorry if you didn't know that but People Really Do B Fucked Up Abt Beeduo) AND applies to his character is a revocation of consent to examining deep intimacies:tm: with his character, which is gonna apply regardless of the nature of that intimacy (even if nonromantic)

Like I don't /r c!beeduo myself, do not, never have, but I talk to people who have and have consumed content where they r background /r; I also don't think it matters. Like I don't Actively /r it and I don't Actively Not /r it because imho w/ the intimacy regarding c!beeduo that is plot relevant and character important whether that intimacy is /p /qp or /r doesn't really matter. I don't consider myself Less of a c!beeduo shipper than someone who /rs them because that would be dumb as hell and while none of the content I've made* is Intrinsically or Intentionally /r it certainly can be read tht way as much as it can be read /qp or /p. It's be dumb and hypocritical of me to like, dunk on ppl for /r-ing c!beeduo when I'm also invested in these two and my tonetags r not gonna suddenly Delete the picking apart I've done of the dynamic @ hand

Which Has Been. Within Bounds Of Canon. It's been what's been shown (sometimes to my great distress. There is a reason that the :canon_beeduo: emote looks the way it does) Directly Onscreen and in general keeping with the tone n intensity/directions of what they've Done With The Characters

HOWEVER

As mentioned up there. Revocation of consent

It makes. Full sense 2 me that Mr Live wants to place a moratorium or fullon ban on shipping his characters perhaps where he wouldn't have before because of the Unfortunately Very Extant trends of people being Fucking Weird about shipping his characters AND of using them as a Thinly Veiled Excuse to ship HIM, which. I should not have to explain why shipping real people is fucking abhorrent

THIS creates a problem which is a. Bit of a vacuum in interacting with what is a facet of c!Ranboo's arc, decision making, and character. Like you CAN have c!Ranboo w/o cbeeduo but you Can't Really have his plotline without examining c!beeduo. And as I mentioned earlier: even if your examination of c!beeduo is fully platonic, the significance of it To the plotline means that any examination of it and its relevance to the plotline and characters IS gonna be an examination of intimacy, which. Regardless of it's platonic, Is Still Shipping

Unless some HARD retconning happens it leaves this like. Hole in an aspect of c!Ranboo's arc and decisionmaking and it's very. Uncertain? God. Fucking months ago I was already kind of :huh. Does he know what the fuck he's doing: irt c!beeduo and desperately wishing for things to be cleared up and now it's only That Much Stronger

NOW. KNIFETRICK, FINALLY

Knifetrick (or, as it’s actually listed, Bishop’s Knife Trick) is a fic about "Ran and Jackie from The Pit TFTSMP" in a "canon-typical ambiguously romantic relationship." As you can tell from the scare quotes, especially if you've seen me vague, both of these are, to put it politely, Doubtful. I've read the fic; I will not be sharing my opinions because that would be neither productive nor responsible (I will just say I can't recommend it and leave it at that) but I WILL say the following that Is relevant to the conversation:

Ran's and Jackie's characterizations respectively have very little to do with characterizations from The Pit, and bear a dollar-store-version resemblance to tropes and personality motifs found in ESPECIALLY fanon c!beeduo, especially later in the fic. I would not go so far as to say they are Intentionally Literally Ranboo and Tubbo but they are transparent expies and were clearly written at LEAST unintentionally w/ c!beeduo in mind (esp since. Ran and Jackie barely interacted in The Pit), and for a readerbase that, as far as I can tell, is HUGELY dominated by /r c!beeduo shippers. Like. Sorry. This is off-brand c!beeduo.

The dynamic between the two is pretty unambiguously romantic, also; despite what the fic's white knights claim, romantic tropes and implications/motifs/imagery from at LEAST chapter two, and is very much explicitly romantic by the most recent chapter.

FROM CH1:

"And now, with raised eyebrows and a pursed lip, the newly named General Jackie observes Ran in such a way that makes the enderman’s skin crawl. Ran reminds himself that this kid, as short and harmless as he may look, is trained to kill. [...] Jackie narrows his eyes and tilts his head a little, as if he’s trying to read in between every one of Ran’s imperfect scales."

FROM CH2:

"It makes Ran’s skin itch with discomfort. [...] 'That actually doesn’t explain much of anything at all,' complains Jackie, and he pops a few croutons into his mouth with one hand. 'Tell me what you’re thinking, pretty-boy.'

"Ran feels his face flush, no doubt mildly glowing green.

"Yes, that was the other thing. The unnecessary compliments to his physical appearance.

"They don’t happen very often, and don’t seem to have very much meaning or intention behind them— Jackie often speaks like an unthinking kid— but when they do happen… they’re embarrassing. [...] It’s annoying how the rug is pulled out from under his feet in these moments when he’s 'embarrassed'. Like the conversation see-saw has temporarily shifted weight in the general’s favor."

I am not going to include excerpts from Chapter 6 because it's just the entire chapter.

I WILL SAY, HOWEVER, STEPPING ON THIS SCORPION BEFORE IT STINGS: they are not written in an RPFy manner and I don't think there's any grounds, including Vibes, of accusing Knifetrick of being like. Closet truthing or whatever. Also, while I think there's certainly Some Weirdness ESPECIALLY around the reaction, the romance itself is Not written in any way I'd call weird or problematic pre-clip; it's nothing inappropriate or like Weirdly Fetishy or whatever. Knifetrick is not #problematic or anything and I don't have beef with like the concept of liking it intrinsically; if I thought it was like. Abhorrent I wouldn't be sharing excerpts lmao dhjfnhdsbvdnfjh. Hence: if anyone uses this post or anyth like it to send harassment or bad faith ANYTHING to anyone involved with Knifetrick I will hunt you down in the fucking night even if it WAS #problematic that'd be the LITERAL OPPOSITE of productive and as it stands it's Literally Not. Essentially: Knifetrick is a (questionably-written /mean) fic using Ran and Jackie from The Pit as a vessel for a large chunk of the dynamics and headcanons of fanon /r c!beeduo in particular

And again, I would not call it problematic in any way (aside from the disingenuity of the insistence that it's TOTALLY UNRELATED TO BEEDUO and TOOOTALLY WASN'T INTENDED TO BE ROMANTIC GUYS like own your shit please)... IF it weren't for the advent of The Clip, which is calling in2 question the Entirety of the problem of /r-ing any variant of c!beeduo or any of Ranboo's characters at all

I really do not have an answer for this tbh. I genuinely wanna hear from the streamer on this more specifically because I like,,, I got no clue where 2 go from here? Do I just consider an arc retconned? Was it an issue of speaking abt a troubling subject kneejerk wise and I'm reading too much in2 it?

I just. I dunno

Tl;dr (AT LONG LAST)

- The Clip is a clip of a Discord stage where Ranboo (streamer) loudly explicitly decried shipping in a way that implicitly applies to characters he plays - This would be all well and good but is rendered complicated by the plot relevance of c!beeduo, which does not stop being shipping if it's /p'd due to it still necessarily being an examination of a particular intimacy in a way that is in canon hard to distinguish the /p, /qp, or /r nature of - Bishop's Knife Trick is an AO3 fic centered around using TFTSMP characters as /r c!beeduo expies which is not a bad thing in and of itself unless it also is covered under this moratorium - Things remain unclear until and unless we get clearer word from streamer, but considering Mr Live seems to be allergic to clarifying anything abt c!beeduo this is doubtful

*very little if any of the content I personally have made 4 c!beeduo has been posted publicly, for related reasons. You May have seen it if you're in servers w/ me, depending on Which Ones

[kurt-nightcrawler]

Fairytale

Warren Worthington III x Female Reader

Request 1: Omg I just read the I have a boyfriend and the opposites attract and I'm aksjksjeje. Idk if ur taking requests, but in case u are I need more on that mother nature reader and Warren pleaaaaseee!!! Maybe something with angst, like some conflict in their relationship, but with a happy would be greatttttt I absolutely love ur writing

Request 2: Hi love!:D idk if you’re taking requests or if you’re in the works of smth, but like, I’ve had this idea in my head about your fic of Mother Nature with what she said about the weather affecting her. Like it’s winter season or smth and the sun has not been out for days (and maybe Ororo is not around to help??) so she’s feeling weak and Warren is doing all he can so she can get better🥺 I reaally love your writing💕 💕

Warnings: swearing and angst

Word Count: 12.5k

“How long will you be gone?”

“A few weeks. We should be back before December 21st.” 

(Y/N) huffed, that was almost two weeks, plus the holidays were coming up. “Stay safe, okay? All I want for Christmas is you.” 

Warren rolled his eyes and kissed her forehead, “I already got you a gift.” 

(Y/N) thanked him and he just held her tighter. 

-

Warren went on a mission with Raven, Alex, Kurt, Ororo, and Jean. They were going to Italy to stop some mafia mutant issue. “Which is stupid,” Scott retorted. “We live in New York. Surely the mafia isn’t only terrorizing mutants in Italy.” 

(Y/N) shrugged, “Probably.” 

Her mind wandered as Jubilee talked to Scott about their final for Dr. McCoy. I need to water the plants in the greenhouse. (Y/N) yawned, she felt a sudden wave of drowse come over herself. I’ve been so tired lately… 

It wasn’t a mystery why (Y/N) had been so tired lately. It was because of the weather. The earlier it got dark, the less energy she had— and with it getting colder, her abilities were limited. Most of the plants in her room had gone dormant. (Y/N) was worried she would too, but it hadn’t gotten cold enough. 

“I think we should go skating tomorrow,” Jubilee suggested. 

“Just the four of us?” Peter asked. 

“Do you see anyone else? They’re all in Italy.” Peter squinted his eyes at Jubilee as she was sarcastic. “The rink is open, it’s December, and I’m bored! I wanna pick up cute girls.” 

“Isn’t ice skating like a go-to in Hallmark Christmas movies?” Scott asked. 

“Why do you know that?” Jubilee asked. 

“We watch those all the time on nights with the boys,” Peter explained. “They’re awful and all the same. There was one where a girl was in love with a ghost and another where a girl texted her dead mom to grieve… I’m so lucky I don’t celebrate Christmas.” 

(Y/N) laughed, hallmark Christmas films were pretty cheesy and cliche. 

“I mean yeah, you’re right, but that doesn’t mean we can’t go skating, or do something. Everyone is gone and we need to stay active.” 

Peter and Scott both looked at Jubilee with confusion. “But we’re all in pretty good shape.”

“No, I mean (Y/N),” She whispered to the boys. 

“What’s wrong with her? She looks fine.” Scott said, quickly checking her out as she was preoccupied with her phone. 

“Around winter, she tends to get weaker cause it’s colder and the sun goes down earlier…”

“Yeah… We know…”

“No, you guys don’t get it. During the winter plants go into like, hibernation— and if it gets too cold and (Y/N) falls asleep she’ll go dormant. The only safe places are her room and an area set up in the lab.” 

“We have to keep her awake all winter?” Peter asked curiously.

“No, we just have to make sure she only falls asleep in her bedroom and stays there. It’s the only ace place because it’s like a greenhouse sort of…”

“What happens if we don’t?...”

“She could die!” 

“Who could die?” (Y/N) asked. 

“Scarlett Johanson’s stunt-double. I mean have you seen the new Black Widow trailer?” Jubilee asked without missing a beat.

“Eh, I dunno. She’s a professional, plus stunt-doubles are kind of expected to get hurt… while it’s not preferable an innocent gets hurt,... they did sign up for it.” 

“I never thought of it like that…” Scott said almost seeing off-handed while trying to noticeably glare at Jubilee. 

“Well, I’ve got to go. I promised Catherine I’d help make gingerbread cookies.” Everyone wished (Y/N) some form of goodbye, or have fun, leaving them alone.

“(Y/N) is going to die?!” Peter almost screamed. 

“No! No, no— (Y/N) is not going to die. She’s done this longer than I’ve known her. I think she was like, thirteen when these first started happening. I didn’t know (Y/N) until we were 15, but still.” Jubilee continued on,  “She’ll either pass out randomly in the middle of December or January and hibernate until March or April, or she won’t go dormant and just have to spend most of the spring outside, like soaking up the sunshine or whatever. “

“Oh, okay. So this is normal. Great. (Y/N) might fucking die every winter and we just have to act like children on thin ice? Deal with it somehow?” Peter looked like he was freaking out. 

“I said she’s been doing this for years, plus she hasn’t died yet. We’ll be fine.”

Scott’s gut was telling him something different, but he blamed that on his constant anxiety. 

-

Five days after Warren left

(Y/N), Scott, Peter, and Jubilee all went ice skating. Jubilee and Peter attempted to spy on cute girls, while Scott tried to act perfect, and (Y/N) tried her best to not lean against the wall too much. It was fun, but indoor rinks are as cold as the outside ones. (Y/N) bundled up enough, but she still got chills. 

Scott took everyone to some artsy coffee shop that Jean adored. He claimed they had a killer hot chocolate. Jubilee already tried it once before, being Jean’s best friend/roommate. Peter thought it was kind of watery and not that great, and (Y/N) didn’t think it was bad but… 

“You overhyped it. It’s good though.” Scott pouted, and Peter laughed through Twinkie bites and hot chocolate sips. (Y/N) felt warm and fuzzy inside. Almost… sleepy…

Her mind started to drift… Warren… everything they’d do when he got back from Italy… 

Their first winter holiday together… all the shitty hallmark movies we can watch with Scott and Peter… the—

“(Y/N)!”

“Huh?!” She rubbed her eyes and tried to seem awake. “What is it?”

“You were dozing off there,” Scott pointed out. 

“Oh.” She scratched her head. “Sorry. Haha,” Her laugh was somewhat sarcastic. “Just don’t let me, uh… Don’t let me pass out. Wouldn’t wanna get nicknamed Sleeping Beauty.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Peter joked.

-

Nine days after Warren left

Peter taught everyone, or attempted to, teach everyone how to make a seven-layered cake. Jubilee and Scott kept sneaking batter, while (Y/N) was struggling to not use her powers. 

“Okay, but like, I could get sugar from a plant or—“

“No!” Jubilee protested, batter on the corner of her mouth. “We— we have all these ingredients here. Why waste them?” 

(Y/N) squinted her eyes, they were a bit purple, but she let it slide and grabbed sugar and other dry ingredients from the cabinets. 

“If she uses too much strength she could pass out. It’s been snowing hard for the past two days, and it’s been cloudy all week.” 

“Can’t she eat a protein bar or drink some coffee or something?” Peter whispered. 

Jubilee shook her head, “No, she needs vitamin D. Like, from the sun. More than a normal person does.” 

(Y/N) set the sugar on the counter and looked at the recipe from Peter’s mom, reading bits out loud, “We need 2 and 1⁄4 cups of sugar.” She looked at the measuring cups, trying to find the one she needed. 

“Hey, Scott! We agreed no phones out,” Jubilee scolded him. 

He rolled his eyes, “You sound like a teacher… I was just checking a package I ordered…”

“If you actually bought that $200 lightsaber you were telling me about,” (Y/N) joked, “I will scream.” 

Peter scoffed, “Please, Jean got him that for Christmas.” His face fell soon as the words left his mouth. “Shit…” 

“No, she didn’t. We had a budget and—“ Jubilee and Peter both looked at their feet, eyes wide and sheepish. “I am not worth $200.” 

“You sound like Warren,” Jubilee complained, cracking eggs into a separate bowl. 

“It’s true! I don’t want her to spend money on me.” He glanced at his phone again.

“She’s not going to text you. No one is allowed to bring phones on missions, because the government can like, track you and shit.” Peter reminded him. 

“I know, I know… but what if something happened? What if someone died or they got stuck and stranded and—“

(Y/N) put a hand on Scott’s shoulder, “Calm down Romeo. They’re going to be fine. If something happens, Xavier will let us know.” Scott nodded, trying to believe (Y/N) was right. 

-

Fifteen Days after Warren left

(Y/N) was getting sick and tired. Tired of her friends never leaving her alone, the panic on their faces if she so much as yawned or rubbed her eyes, she was sick of them being so nervous. More so Scott and Peter than Jubilee. 

Of course, they meant well, and just wanted to make sure she didn’t fall into a coma, but she didn’t need to be doted over like a tropical plant lost in the arctic. 

(Y/N) huffed as she messed with her hair in the bathroom mirror. Her leaves looked less colorful, more brown and dead, the vines around her legs were gone, and her eyes looked like she hadn’t been sleeping. She had, but it was hard, the sun went down at 5 PM, and it was cloudy and cold every day it seemed. 

I just want Warren here. He’d make everything better. We could cuddle and nap together…

(Y/N)’s turned blue and red as she stopped daydreaming and ran her toothbrush underwater. 

By nature, (Y/N) was not a gossip girl or a secret keeper— people saw her as a Disney princess, a few of the younger students even called her “Mother Nature”... but she had ruined her status by lying to the person she cared about most. 

She didn’t tell Warren about her dormant state, about how she could sleep until possibly March. She wanted to stay awake and active all winter. She wanted to spend her time with her angel. 

But he was in Italy fighting crime, and wouldn’t be back until mere days before Christmas. 

She had to be awake for Christmas and New Year’s. After that, it didn’t matter. 

Wait. Then she remembered Valentine’s Day. 

I have to be awake for that too. And Warren’s birthday… I can’t miss those… She made herself a promise she wouldn’t go dormant this winter. 

She glanced out the window as she scrubbed her teeth with the toothbrush. It was snowing again, thick heavy flakes came down almost in chunks. 

-

Twenty Days after Warren left

(Y/N) accidentally drank out of Peter’s cup without realizing it for about thirty minutes. Why did it matter?

Peter had caffeine in his soda, and (Y/N) did not. She was planning to go to bed in her room, and wake up when the sun rose to conserve energy. 

Now, she was staying up late with her friends, watching some crappy zombie movie on late-night TV.

“They could easily just move to an island. Use the old man’s boat. The zombies can’t swim!” (Y/N) argued during a commercial break. 

“Yeah, but there’s never any logic in these things.” Peter drowsed. 

“I guess so. It’s kind of dumb though…” 

Peter shrugged and took a sip of his drink, “Yeah, but it’s like Sharknado. They make money, it doesn’t matter if it’s bad or not.” 

(Y/N) didn’t retaliate, as the final commercial ended and the screen faded to black, signaling the movie was back on. 

-

Scott couldn’t remember when he fell asleep. He rubbed his eyes and tried to see who was all around him. 

Peter was passed out on the floor for some reason, Jubilee was asleep on one side of the couch… and Scott saw (Y/N), passed out with her head laying on a pillow. 

“Shit! (Y/N)!” He shook her, trying to get a reaction, but nothing happened. He repeated her name trying to undo her slumber until the other two woke. 

“What’s wrong?” Peter asked, hair tussled and eyes half-closed. 

“(Y/N) fell asleep on the couch!” Scott was panicking. He had one job— one job from Jubilee, “Make sure she only falls asleep in her bedroom or else she won’t wake up until March.”

 “Scott! Stop it!” Jubilee pulled him away from (Y/N)’s sleeping figure. “You could kill her!” 

“What—” He turned to Jubilee, “What do we do then?” 

“Peter, get Professor McCoy up here.” 

“But it’s 4 AM…” Jubilee gave him a deadly glare and he sped off. 

Scott was ordered to sit and be quiet while Peter got McCoy. 

“She fell asleep. She drank some of my soda earlier, causing her to not be tired. We thought we could get her sleepy by watching a movie, but we all fell asleep before she did…” Peter was giving Hank a 30-second recap, with 3000 words. 

“Peter, everything’s going to be fine.” Hank carefully scooped (Y/N) up in his arms, bridal style. He looked her over up close. Her skin looked pale, the leaves and flowers in her hair were gone, all that was left were dried twigs, and the vines usually wrapped around her legs were concealed by sweatpants, so he couldn’t take note on them. “I’m taking her to the medical bay. Everyone go to sleep, you can come back in the morning…” Hank glanced at the time, “You can come back later.” 

-

The three mutants walked to their rooms quietly. Jubilee made a stop at a bathroom to brush her teeth, while Peter and Scott went straight to their dorm. 

Peter used his speed to get changed and hop in bed. “I’ll leave the light on while you get changed.” Scott didn’t answer, he didn’t move. “Scott?”

“What if she dies?” His voice was barely above a whisper. 

“Jubilee said she’s been doing this for years, (Y/N)‘s not gonna die.” Scott still didn’t move, causing Peter to sit up and face his roommate better. “Everything will be okay. McCoy knows what to do, and this is no different than when bears go hibernate for the winter or when geese fly south. She’ll be fine.” 

“We don’t know that. If something interrupts her she could die—“ 

“She won’t.” Peter knew he knew, what Scott was thinking. Scott did what anyone would have done. Tried to jostle her awake, he didn’t know what else to do. 

“Do you know what it’s like?...” 

Peter hadn’t the slightest idea what Scott was referencing, he kept his mouth shut, trying to figure it out. 

“To have almost killed someone? Your parents arguing with theirs, lawsuits being threatened, your life could end before theirs and the doctors think they’re on borrowed time… How you know you deserve to be punished, and instead you’re just sent away, to be with more family and start new. You try to be better than you ever were, and people— they believe it. You deserve everything you’ve worked for… and then you go and fuck up! It’s one thing to have your mutation surface and have chunks of ceiling and a bathroom door put a school bully in a coma— but to hurt someone like (Y/N)?...” Scott’s voice trembled. His cheeks were covered in his tears. “If anything happens it’s going to be my fault. Warren’s going to blame me because everyone talks me up about how responsible I am and all these leadership qualities I have, that I actually don’t. Warren is going to kill me if she doesn’t wake up—“ He choked out a sob. 

Peter was quick to wrap the boy in his arms. “Hey, hey… shh… shh… You didn’t hurt her. She’s going to be fine. Hank picked her up and carried her to his lab and she did fine. You shaking her didn’t do anything.” Scott continued weeping. 

“How about you take a shower, and then we can go see her, okay?” Peter talked slower than ever before and with softness, enough to be gentle, but not so much you’d think Scott was a child. 

He nodded, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. 

“Okay, come on buddy…” 

-

Hank had carefully dressed her in a hospital gown and hooked her up to various equipment. Everything seemed normal for her coma-like state. He didn’t wake her up carrying her downstairs. 

Hank sat down in a chair next to her. He removed his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had no idea what to do. 

This had happened before, but Hank just kept her in his lab and he wouldn’t do anything until she woke up. Sometimes students would visit to see how she was doing… Most of the time they’d just whisper and watch her for a few minutes before leaving, some made jokes about how she needed Prince Charming to kiss and wake her up. 

Hank hesitated allowing Charles tell the team what happened. They wouldn’t be back for another week, and he didn’t want to cause a distraction for them. 

“Hey Doc,” Peter waved. Scott was standing next to him. 

Hank quickly put his glasses back on and stood up. “What are you doing awake? You should be asleep.” 

“Couldn’t sleep. Figured we could come by, see how (Y/N)’s doing.” 

“Yeah— she’s doing fine. Vitals are steady and her heartbeat is regular. All we have to do is wait.” Hank faked some optimism. He knew why they were there, and she was fine— except, Hank had no idea when she’d awake. 

“Did you tell Xavier what happened?” Scott asked. 

“Yeah, he knows. He said there’s nothing we can do until she wakes up. We have the option to wake her and keep her in the green room, but that’s easier said than done…” Scott looked pale. Hank cursed to himself for freaking the kid out. “Trust me, this is the best option for her.” Scott nodded. 

“Yeah… “ Peter tried to distract him. “Why don’t we eat some leftover cake?” 

“I’m not hungry Pete,” Scott answered.

“Well I am, and you’re not going to mope around down here. It’ll like, give (Y/N) a bad vibe. Come on.” Scott sighed and followed Peter out of the med bay. 

-

Twenty four days after Warren left

Warren was exhausted, Everyone was. The mission went smoothly, or smoothly as it could, considering the number of minor injuries everyone bore. 

“We’ve got a few more hours until we’re home,” Alex announced, checking in on the younger X-Men.

Ororo, Jean, and Kurt were playing go fish. Warren was watching, contributing nothing to the game but sarcastic comments and jokingly-judgemental looks. 

“Great, thanks,” They replied. 

Alex nodded and walked back to his seat in the cockpit. He pulled something small and rectangular out of his pocket. Warren carefully watched from the corner of his eye. 

Is that a cell phone? 

Cell phones weren’t allowed on missions. They were distractions, not to mention out of rage cellular fees were expensive— plus with modern technology comes tracking. Having something as minor as a cellphone on a mission could jeopardize the whole operation simply because someone wanted to use google maps and see where the nearest Starbucks was. 

“Alex?” 

“Yeah?” He stuck the object in his pocket. 

“What is that?” Warren kept his down, as to not alert the others.

“What?” 

“The thing in your pocket. What is it?” 

“Warren—“

Warren was pissed. “It’s a cellphone isn’t it?”

“It’s a burner phone. In case of an emergency—“

“Why’d you take it out?” 

“Hank texted me.” 

“Oh, great.” Warren spat, “You bring a phone on missions in case you miss your little boyfriend.” 

“Warren—“

“No!” He spoke out. At this point, everyone was watching. “You don’t get to break the rules and endanger the mission!”

“Warren, calm down.” 

“You can’t tell me—“ 

“Someone at the mansion got hurt, bird brain. That’s why Alex’s using the burner to text Hank.” Raven rolled her eyes. Dramatic much?

“What?”

No one knew this, not even Jean. They all tuned into the conversation. 

“Who did?”

“What happened?” 

“Everything’s fine.”Alex lied.

“No, it’s not. You wouldn’t be texting Hank if it was.”

Jean discreetly put two fingers to her temple, trying to figure out who got hurt. Raven saw her and glared, mentally telling her to stop.

“Sorry.”

“Everyone settle down. We have a few hours left until we’re back in Westchester. Just chill out until then.” 

Warren rolled his eyes and sat by himself, thinking Raven’s little distraction speech was stupid. 

He couldn’t help it— acting all childish— he missed (Y/N) and he really hated having to share a bed with Kurt on missions. Kurt’s tail got all tangled and Warren’s wings were cramped. 

It was different from when he’d cuddle with (Y/N). He’d wrap his wings around her, and she’d grow flowers in her sleep around them. It was soothing… He’d wake up refreshed, and looking at his wonderful girlfriend. Kurt was… a major downgrade… he was a decent roommate, but he couldn’t stand him as a bedmate. 

Warren yawned, making a note to sleep for ten years and hold (Y/N) while he did it, once he got back home. 

-

The basketball court came into view, and the ground caved in, letting Raven land the Jet in its hangar. Alex announced they were back and free to get off the ship. The rest of the team hastily grabbed their bags and ran out of the X-Jet. 

Outside waiting for them was Jubilee, Peter, and Scott. Hank wasn’t there.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Warren teased Alex. 

He didn’t respond.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” Jean mocked Warren.

Warren did a double-take as Peter and Jubilee spoke to Raven and Ororo. (Y/N) wasn’t there. 

“Hey, guys.” The three that stayed behind looked up with guilty expressions on their face as soon as they looked at Warren. 

“Where’s (Y/N)?” He asked. 

No answer.

Warren asked again, but more concerned, “Guys, where’s (Y/N)?” 

“She’s not dead—“ Jubilee hit Peter and scolded him.

“What does that mean?” 

The group exchanged nervous eye contact. They weren’t sure how to explain it, but if they didn’t Warren was probably going to attempt murder. 

“She’s in what Hank calls a ‘dormant state’. Basically hibernation—“ Warren’s face visibly paled. “Except waking her up is way more complicated…” 

“So she’s in a coma?...” He asked.

“Yeah, basically…” Jubilee admitted.

“How did this happen?” 

“(Y/N)’s mutation, I thought she told you…”

“Told me what?” Jubilee didn’t answer him. “What, Jubilee?”

Alex put his hand on Warren’s shoulder. “Maybe Hank should explain it…”

-

“So she won’t wake up until March?” 

“April at the latest,” Hank answered. 

“And you let this happen?” He turned to Jubilee, Scott, and Peter. They were terrified of what Warren might do. 

“No, no, they didn’t,” Hank defended them. “Her body just does this. It’s no different than that time of month…” 

“A period isn’t four months long,” Warren mumbled. 

“Let’s give him a moment alone with her.” Hank ushered everyone out, shutting the door behind him. 

Warren sank in the chair next to (Y/N)’s body. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Fuck,” He mumbled. “Fuck, fuck,” Tears welled in his eyes. “Fuck!” He screamed. He put his fist up to his mouth to muffle his sobs. 

“How could… Why didn’t she tell me?” Warren looked at (Y/N)’s figure. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?” 

Warren felt his heart breaking. She looked so… so dead. 

But she wasn’t. She wasn’t dead but she wouldn’t wake until March.

 It was December. 

“Hank said… he said, we could wake you up, but there’s a chance you’ll die. And I’d rather have you like this than dead…” He turned away and mouthed cursed under his breath. 

Warren didn’t know what to do. Sure, he wasn’t necessarily one of those clingy boyfriends, whose only life purpose is to serve his girlfriend… but he really liked her. 

He wanted to spend more time with her than he ever could. She understood when he had nightmares or needed space. They never fought— their biggest disagreement was on a stupid homework problem. 

She made earrings out of some of his metal feathers, he learned how to take care of all kinds of plants. She showed him how to be compassionate and kind, he showed her how to be assertive and throw a decent punch. 

Peter teased him all the time, saying he was “in loooove,” dragged out o and everything. He’d always tell him to shut up or piss off. 

Because maybe he was in love with her. 

“But I’m her first boyfriend.” 

“That doesn’t mean you can’t be her first love.” 

“That means I’ll hurt her…” Warren’s voice cracked. “I don’t wanna hurt her…” 

He didn’t know she’d hurt him.

-

Warren wasn’t allowed to sit at (Y/N)’s side all day, or even all week. He had work to make up for when he was in Italy— homework, mid-terms, laundry, post-mission exam— not to mention Christmas was in five days.

He tried to keep himself busy in the first two days, and he overachieved everything he had to do. Which inevitably, left him with nothing to do. 

“God, you look miserable,” Peter commented when Warren made his way into the kitchen, bags under his eyes, messy bed-head hair, sweatpants hung low, and a wrinkly t-shirt. 

“I stayed up, deep cleaning my closet. I’ve got some stuff I’m gonna donate.” 

“That’s nice.” Jean curtly commented. 

Nobody knew what to say. They weren’t sure what would trigger Warren. 

“We were all gonna see Knives Out,” Scott said. “A day off for everyone, chance to get last-minute gifts…” 

“Not interested.” Warren poured himself a bowl of cornflakes. 

“Come on,” Jubilee almost begged. “You haven’t left the mansion at all in the past few days.” 

“I have stuff to do.” He poured milk into his bowl. 

“Warren, you deep cleaned your closet at midnight. You have nothing to do and this will keep you occupied for a while.” Jubilee pointed out.

He was tired, “I don’t want to leave the mansion. What if something happens—“ 

“(Y/N)’s going to be fine.” 

Warren held his spoon tightly in his fist. “That’s what I thought before I went to Italy— Look at her now! She’s in a coma.”

“She’ll wake up in the spring,” Kurt offered up to calm Warren down. 

“This could have been prevented. I should have been here—“ Warren felt himself breakdown. He started crying, and no one knew what to do. Ororo got up from her seat and hugged him. He sobbed into her shoulder. 

Ororo gave him words of comfort, “It’s okay, this is normal for her. Distance will do you good. Everything’s going to be okay… You should get out, get fresh air.” 

Warren nodded and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, “Uh-huh.” 

“Come see the movie with us,” She suggested. 

“Okay, yeah… I’ll— I’ll go get ready.” He put his bowl in the sink and went out of the kitchen.

“Holy shit.” Peter’s eyes were wide with shock. “He’s a mess!” 

Jubilee swatted him with her hand, “Hush! He’s clearly upset… His girlfriend’s in hibernation until March.” 

“Yeah, but like, he just started crying,” Peter stated. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Warren cry before… He just looked so broken, like, holy shit. I don’t think I was that upset when I got cheated on by my girlfriend, junior year on prom night…”  The worst part is, we could have prevented this.” 

“I think I’m gonna puke,” Scott mumbled. 

“Hey!” Ororo chasted the two boys. “I don’t care what happened while we were gone, but you’re both acting pathetic. This is no one’s fault! Get your heads out of your asses and be there for Warren.” 

“We should wake her up…” Everyone looked at Scott like he was crazy. 

“And risk killing her?” Ororo asked. 

“Yeah, no,” Peter answered. “Romeo may follow suit.” 

-

Warren didn’t want to go outside, but he needed to keep busy, or else he’d start crying again. 

He was a mess— he knew Kurt was tired of him staying up all night, doing anything and everything to keep busy… but when he closed his eyes he was face to face with nightmares— (Y/N)’s practically lifeless body lying in the hospital bed, her never waking up, or if she did she’d have amnesia and not remember anyone. 

Warren couldn’t sleep, but staying up all night would eventually take its toll on him, or he’d run out of things to do. 

Warren got changed and quickly ran downstairs to the medical bay. He wanted to check on (Y/N) before he left. 

“How is she?” 

“Same as she has been for the past few days,” Hank answered. “Everything’s normal, and she’s doing fine— great actually.” 

Warren nodded, “Um, I just wanted to see how she was doing. I’m going out with the other X-Men… we’re seeing Knives Out… Ororo said it’d be a good idea for me to get out of the mansion.” 

Hank blinked and then frowned in thought. “Yeah, she’s right. However, you seem to be doing really well, considering the situation. You haven’t spent all your time down here, but you do visit. You haven’t acted out with a huge wave of impulse emotions, but getting out for a little bit would be great for you.” 

Warren bit his tongue, holding back from telling Hank the truth about how he was doing. “Yeah… I’ll um, see you later.” 

-

Warren zoned out in the middle of the movie for a few minutes and had to ask Kurt what happened. 

“Police chased them down.” 

“Ah, okay.” Warren nodded. He glanced at his other friends. Scott had an arm around Jean, and they were cuddling, practically on top of each other, in the big recliners. Jubilee bought sour patch kids and was sharing the bag with Ororo. Peter and Kurt were really engrossed in the movie, and Warren was just kind of there… 

He was lonely— The movie was good, and he was enjoying it— but Warren as a whole was lonely.

He put up the hard “I don’t need anybody,” exterior to protect himself from hurt. His poor relationship with his parents caused him to be cautious and made it hard for him to develop a steady healthy relationship with any authority figures in his life. His cage fighting days taught him, he was alone, and nobody was ever going to love him, and he’d have to fight to get anywhere in life. 

Obviously, that proved to be false— he found confinement in Alex, (and sometimes Hank), as the older brother he never had. The community in the mansion proved he didn’t have to be so alone, and (Y/N) made him realize love is not some made-up fantasy, concocted in Disney’s headquarters. 

(Y/N) felt like his best friend on most occasions, and while he had all his other friends, her being gone made him feel so empty inside. 

-

On Christmas Eve he moped around in Scott and Peter’s room, one earbud in listening to sad music.

Scott wasn’t even there— he was doing God knows what with Jean, and Peter was playing Pac-Man. 

“You can hang out with me tomorrow if you want. I don’t celebrate Christmas.” 

“I’m good.” Warren knew Peter would probably run home and mess around with his sisters and mom, or awkwardly hang around the mansion, trying to find Erik and tell him about their relationship. 

“Dude,” He awkwardly chuckled. “Okay, look— um, I know, nothing I say can fix the situation, but if you want to talk I’m here.” 

Warren paused his music. “What was the last thing she said?”

Peter was awestruck, “She’s not dead!” 

“I know—“

“She’s in a coma that she’s going to wake up from! She didn’t die.”

“I know that! I just want to know what she said before she went into the coma…” 

Peter felt guilty for jumping to conclusions. Warren seemed so defeated, like a kicked puppy. “We were watching a crappy zombie movie on tv… and it was like, really bad, and we were mostly complaining about how bad it was. The last thing I remember was she said something about how the prosthetics sucked and she could have done it better with some mint leaves and slime.” 

The corner of Warren’s lip rose up slightly. Typical (Y/N), but she was probably right. 

“Wanna play Pac-Man with me?” 

Warren sat up, “Sure.” 

-

“He just started crying, like— I’ve never seen anyone so upset, and I thought you were dead at one point!” Scott was frazzled in Hank’s lab with Alex, Jubilee, Jean, Ororo, and Kurt. 

“He seemed fine when he came down to visit her the other day.” Scott gave Hank a disbelieving look. “Well if he’s crying over little things, obviously he’s extremely stressed out and I’m not going to push him.” 

Scott glanced in the direction of (Y/N)’s area in the lab, “Maybe we should wake her up.”

“Are you crazy?!” Jubilee asked. “She could die from that—“

“She probably won’t though… (Y/N) being unconscious has made Warren, everyone on edge.”

“You want an easy way out of this,” Jubilee raised her voice as she kept speaking, “If you really cared about how Warren was, you’d be trying to comfort him best you can despite your half-assed friendship!”

“It’s our fault she’s like this, Jubes! We were supposed to make sure she didn’t fall asleep anywhere besides her room, and we couldn’t do it.” 

“Scott, she was getting weaker every day, this would have happened no matter what—“

His voice got louder, yet he was practically shaking, “No, we had the most simple task in the world! And we couldn’t do it! We’re the X-Men and we couldn’t even keep a girl from falling asleep!”

Jean hugged Scott, running her fingers through his hair. “It’s not your fault. She does this every year— and it’s not like you ignored her.”

“What if it was you instead? I’d be just like Warren…”

“Don’t say that—” She kissed the top of his head. “You’d be fine.” 

“I think we should discuss this with Warren and the Professor before we do anything, drastic.” Hank’s final words were clearly aimed at Scott. 

-

“We can wake her up…” 

Everyone was still in the lab, but this time Warren and Professor Xavier were present. Warren didn’t move, he was focused on what Hank was telling him and what it actually meant. 

“But… she could die if not done correctly. Waking up an animal early out of hibernation could kill it, but getting a plant out of its dormant season would just weaken it, if done too quickly though, it could kill the plant.” 

“Hank,” Charles rubbed the bridge of his nose, “I thought we agreed, when (Y/N) goes dormant, we do not disturb her. We agreed with her parents several years ago.” 

“Yeah, but that was when she was a kid. She’s older now, and everyone’s distraught. Her boyfriend—“

“Oh, please,” Charles scoffed. “If I got on my knees and tried to align the stars every time Erik got hurt, there wouldn’t even be a school.” 

“Cut the crap. You and Erik fight and make up like some divorced couple in a soap opera. When Erik gets hurt, you’re always the first to know.” 

Xavier didn’t say anything out loud, he just glared. 

“Um, personally, uh, sorry,” Warren awkwardly cut in. “I think if (Y/N) might die if we wake her up, then it’s not worth it. And if her parents agreed, letting her sleep is the best thing, then it probably is.” 

Warren didn’t even want to think about her folks. Could you imagine? Their daughter dies because some dumb goth boy couldn’t handle her taking a three-month-long nap without him. Yeah, that’d impress them.

Charles clapped his hands together, “Well, there! It’s settled then. (Y/N) is fine as she is. I know this is upsetting for her to not be present around the holidays, but we can all assume she would want us to have fun and be kind to others, showing compassion and always helping those in need.”

-

Warren couldn’t sleep. He was restless in bed— too hot, then too cold, he’d have the beginnings of a nightmare or no dream at all— he was sure Kurt would have kicked him out by now if he hadn’t made the decision to sleep in Peter and Scott’s room for the night. 

His tossing and turning made him have to pee. He got up and went over to the bathroom. 

Looking in the mirror as he dried his hands he sighed. Warren looked so tired, but he didn’t know what to do. 

For the first time since Germany, he truly felt alone. 

-

He grabbed the two gifts stored under his bed and he quietly walked down the halls. 

None of the doors were locked, it was almost too easy for him to get into Hank’s lab. 

He flicked on the light switch, even though he didn’t need to. Her sleeping figure made his heart almost burst out of his chest. Warren felt so awkward standing there. 

He set the gifts down on a chair and walked over to (Y/N). 

“Hi…” No response. “Um, I don’t know if you can hear me… but like, Jubilee and Kurt watch all those soaps and they always have characters talking to people in comas so I figured, maybe, just maybe, you could hear something… anyway, um… I miss you. I really miss you and I wish you’d said something about all this…” He sat on the edge of the bed. “I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, with homework and chores and training. It’s been driving Kurt crazy that I’m up all the time, but I can’t sleep most nights…”

He paused for a moment, for the thought of, Am I crazy? Flashed through his brain. 

“I got you that fancy water filtered you wanted for Christmas… along with some mollisol soil in a jar…” He huffed in amusement while glancing at the gifts. “Peter made fun of me. He said, “No girl wants a jar of dirt for Christmas.” But I know you’d be happy with it— trying to divide it equally among every plant in your room, your eyes lighting up when you see improvements in them…” Warren looked at (Y/N) and smiled sadly. 

“We haven’t even been dating for a whole year, but it feels like it’s been forever…” His eyes watered and his voice faltered, “And that’s love… Isn’t it?... Everyone tells me something different, but— I think I love you. No— I know I love you. I love you and, and, I don’t know… I don’t know what I’ll do while you’re here. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and see everyone all happy like nothing’s wrong— or Scott kissing Jean when he thinks no one’s looking if I can’t put my arm around you and pull you closer and give him a look that states we’re a cuter couple…” Warren almost laughed at himself. His dumb competition with Scott. 

“I know you’d want me to pretend like nothing’s wrong because it isn’t— but it is… I don’t know what to do…”

-

Kurt knocked on the door of his room the next morning. “Warren! Merry Christmas!” No response. 

“I need to brush my teeth.” Still no answer. 

Kurt opened the door himself, “Warren?” The room was empty. “Where are you?” 

“Hey, Kurt,” Scott peaked in, still in pajamas. “Everything alright?”

“Warren’s gone.” 

“He’s probably downstairs already. Peter and Jubilee are, I bet he’s with them.” 

“Oh. You’re probably right.” Scott bid him goodbye and went to Jean’s room. Kurt still couldn’t get the feeling that Scott was wrong out of his system. 

-

Hank and Alex were headed down to the lab, giggling and acting like kids sneaking around. 

“Alex,” Hank breathed in between laughs, “I just wanna check on (Y/N).” 

“I know,” He managed between the kisses he left all over Hank’s neck. 

“Give me five minutes. Then we can join the others.” 

Alex frowned as Hank opened the door. “I want to be alone with you.” 

“Wasn’t this morning enough?” Hank joked. 

Alex rolled his eyes and hugged Hank from behind. 

Hank smiles and walked into the med Bay Area, where (Y/N) was put. 

He was shocked, to say the least. Alex too. 

“Did he wake her?” Alex whispered. 

“I don’t think so. Her heart rate hasn’t changed.”

Alex gently shook Warren’s shoulder, “Hey, kid, time to get up.” 

He groaned and slowly opened his eyes, squinting to adjust to the light. “Mmmmhmmmggg…” 

“Merry Christmas.” Hank teased as he looked over (Y/N)’s vitals. 

“Shit.” Warren rubbed his eyes, “Did I fall asleep?” 

“Yeah.” 

“When did you come down here? I went upstairs at around eleven.” Hank commented. 

“You got into our room at 11:37 PM.” Alex corrected him. 

“Uhh, I don’t remember…” Warren was too tired to think. He wanted to get something to eat and go back to bed. He didn’t want to see everyone messing around the tree Charles got the younger students to set up. He wanted to go back to sleep right in bed with (Y/N), but he knew Hank wouldn’t let him. 

“Everyone’s upstairs,” Hank said.

“I know,” Warren said back.

Alex was preoccupied with his phone. Scott kept texting him where he was— for being the younger brother, he acted like an older one.

“Look, uh, I don’t want to overstep anything—” Hank said somewhat quietly to Warren. “I know we’re not that close, but—“

Warren shot him down, “I don’t need to talk to anyone. But thanks for the offer, Hank.” 

Hank pushes his glasses up his nose, “No, it’s not that… When Alex was presumed dead, and we found his body and he was in a coma… I was an emotional wreck. I spent all my time down here, worried he’d wake up any second, or never wake up, or wake up and not remember who I am… We weren’t even dating at the time. I was just so heartbroken because I wasted literal decades avoiding him and my feelings and— sorry. Sorry. I got off track… the point is, I get it. I’m not going to judge you for coming down at night to sleep with her.” 

“Just, just don’t tell anyone about this, okay?” 

Hank nodded understandingly. 

“Whatcha guys talking about?” Alex got up and wrapped an arm around Hank. 

“How much I love you,” Hank stated matter of factly. 

Alex chuckled and kissed Hank’s cheek. “Don’t bother him with that. I’m sure Warren doesn’t want to hear you talk about our relationship.” 

“I don’t care,” Warren told him. 

“Still— go upstairs. Scott and Kurt think you got kidnapped or something.” 

“Alright, alright,” Warren had to laugh, “I will.” 

“We’ll meet you up there.” 

Neither of the older men spoke until the door shut. 

“He loves her.” 

“Hmm?” Alex looked at Hank curiously. 

“Warren, he loves (Y/N).” Alex hummed in agreement.

“They’re good for each other.” 

-

Warren walked into the common room while chaos was in full motion. 

Kurt was teleporting from place to place in the room, Ororo was focusing on making it snow outside, surprisingly, Peter was asleep on the couch, and Jean and Scott were cuddled under a blanket by the fireplace, obviously feeling each other up.

“Warren!” Kurt jumped down and landed at his feet. “Where have you been?”

He shrugged, “Workout.” 

“Okay…” Kurt wasn’t convinced, but 

“Hey, Warren! I made these brownies, they’re really good—“ She handed him one. “Here!” 

“Uh, thanks.” He took a bite out of it. Gooey. Rich chocolate flavor. Yet, it also crumbled. Not half bad. 

Warren smiled and nodded, telling Jubilee it was delicious. She was thrilled. 

After a round of greetings to everyone, Warren sat on the couch next to Peter. “There’s a present for you…” He murmured, half asleep.

Warren furrowed his brows and looked at the tree. There was one gift left. The wrapping paper was black, with two silver bows on it. Warren smiled sadly at it, as he held it in his arms.

“Aww… It’s you!” Peter teased. Warren laughed a little, before opening it. 

It was a box. Obviously, not empty. Warren removed the lid and looked through it. Inside was a disposable camera, an empty photo book, and a letter. He grabbed the letter first and read it.

Warren, 

If you’re reading this, I’m either dormant or will be soon. I didn’t tell you anything about it because I’m scared. I’m scared you’d want to break up because I’m not conscious for part of the year. To most people, I’m sure it’d be a major turn off. But as Jubilee sometimes puts it, you’re ‘a little too attached’ to me to break up with me over a long nap. :) Or at least I hope so. 

Anyway, I don’t want you moping over me the whole time, because you’ll just be sad and closed off and lose a lot of progress in your mental health. And I worry about you. I’ll be worrying about you quite a bit while I’m hibernating. 

Uh, I can also hear everything you say to me. In case you wanna chat. I can’t say anything back, but it’s nice to listen. 

I got you the camera and photobook to give you something to do. When I wake up you can catch me up on everything I missed. Take some pictures, save some memes for me, make a playlist of songs you think I’d like, movies I need to watch— Jubilee did it my first year here, and I liked it. I didn’t feel like I was wasting my time sleeping… I sometimes feel that way— I could do schoolwork, or spend time with my plants that still trudge through winter, or hang out with my friends… don’t feel sad, this is a normal bodily function… for me… You’re gonna think it sucks, which is kind of does, but I’ll try to make up for lost time… I love you…

(Y/N)

Warren couldn’t read the last few words, they’d been scratched out. He rubbed his eye, trying not to cry. 

“What’d you get?” Peter asked. 

“Uh, camera… So (Y/N)’s got photos for when she wakes up…”

“Aww…” Peter cooed. “That’s so cute— Hey guys! Let’s get a group photo!”

“Peter, I don’t— I don’t think that’s necessary—” 

“Too bad!” Peter snatched the camera from Warren’s hands and started motioning and yelling at people to get in the frame. “I used to use these all the time as a kid— these little disposable cameras. I loved them!” Peter pressed the button, and a light flashed for a moment. He turned the dial on it and then handed it back to Warren. “You know how to use these, right?” 

“Uh…” 

“Great! You’ve totally got this.” 

Peter was gone in a flash, leaving Warren alone. 

He huffed, what was he really going to do with a camera? He didn’t want to bring his girlfriend up to speed with pop culture and all the drama she missed. He wanted to live through it all with her.

But he couldn’t… 

-

Warren went back downstairs to the lab. Nobody stopped him from leaving or even asked where he was going. It was like he had no value in the group without (Y/N), just someone they tolerated, if that even. 

He wanted to scream, knowing she could hear, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t find his voice… no words came out… just tears… 

He fell down to the floor and cried. That’s all he could do. 

You’re so weak! Pathetic! You can’t spend a moment away from her and you cry like a fucking baby! You don’t deserve her… 

His sobs were the only things you could hear in the room.

-

New Year’s came and gone. The X-Men threw a party. Warren took a photo since he knew (Y/N) would have wanted to be there. 

He didn’t want to be there. Soon as he took his photo he wanted to leave. He never liked parties, not as a kid, not in Berlin, and not when he came to the mansion— until he started dating (Y/N). 

She got invited to several parties. Some were just dorm get-togethers with different groups of kids, others were house parties from the kids at the public school down the road, some were like this… real parties. She always wanted Warren with her when she went, and he never said no. He didn’t always enjoy them, but he didn’t mind. If (Y/N) had a good time, so did he. 

But here Warren was, moping in the corner of Xavier’s ballroom. 

-

He didn’t leave his room on Valentine’s day, despite still having classes. He trained for three hours a day, not including the group workouts and training required for all members of the X-Men. 

He volunteered to go on more missions. He didn’t want to be stuck in the mansion for more than two days at a time. No one objected, he was a valuable member of the team, and the more experience the better he would get. 

He was to go to London for three weeks with Ororo, Hank, Jean, and Scott.

Jean and Scott were excited because this just meant they’d somehow end up in a hotel room alone together at night, while everyone else was sleeping.

Warren was not too thrilled, as he was jealous. No need to sugarcoat it. Warren was jealous that Scott got Jean all 365 days of the year, that he never had to be away from her for more than a week, that they could flaunt their relationship and how happy they were together. 

It made his stomach churn, but there was nothing he could do. 

-

“I’m going to London for a few days… If I meet Harry Styles I’ll tell him you’re a fan…” (Y/N) laid in bed, lifeless. Warren tucked his hair behind his ears, making a note to get a haircut soon. “I’m going with Scott, Jean, and Ororo…” 

He hated this. He hated talking to her, knowing she could hear him but not say anything back. It was different the few days before Christmas, but now it was all just a mess. 

“Bye.” He threw his duffle bag over his shoulder and walked out. 

One week. 

One week with no cell phones, no homework, nothing. Sure, Warren would probably have to punch a few bad guys, but other than that he just wanted to sleep. He didn’t really care for much anymore. He tried his best to stay engaged and involved, keep himself busy, but it was extremely challenging.

A five-hour flight, with nothing to do.

“You guys excited?” Hank asked.

“Yeah!” 

“Definitely.” 

“I’m hoping I can use some new moves Mystquie’s been teaching me.”

“Mhmm…” Warren mumbled. 

Hank glanced at him. He looked depressing. 

“We’re in London for a week, I bet we’ll have some time to do sightseeing or go out.” 

“Ooo!” Jean nudged Scott. “That’ll be fun, right babe?”

He nodded, “Oh yeah.”

Warren brought Peter’s walkman with him, and put in his earbuds and closed his eyes, assumingly taking a nap.

-

Once they arrived and checked into their rooms, Warren was still tired. He wanted to take another nap. 

“So, I think we should go out tonight—” Hank handed everyone their room keys, “—You guys have been working really hard, and not much praise is given by Alex or Raven, or Erik when he occasionally shows up… but we’re proud of you.” 

“Aww…” “Thanks, Hank…” 

Warren just offered a smile.

“We can unpack and get changed if you guys want, we can go out and get some dinner?”

Everyone thought Hank’s plan was good, and they separated into their rooms.

“You doing okay?” Scott asked while unpacking his bag. 

“Yeah… Why?”

“You didn’t say anything the whole ride here.”

“I took a nap,” Warren unzipped his bag.

“Oh.” 

“I’m not going to unexpectedly burst into tears.” Warren snapped.

“I didn’t say you were—” 

“Everyone thinks I am, I’m not stupid. I know you think I’m emotionally unstable and Hank’s been acting all nice on this mission because of it.” 

“Are you?” 

“What?” 

Scott sat down on his bed, “Are you emotionally unstable?”

Warren glared at him, “I’ve been working my ass off for this mission. I’ve trained longer and harder than anybody else. Do I look unstable to you?” 

“No! I just thought—” 

“Doesn’t matter. I’m gonna shower and get dressed for dinner.” He walked into the bathroom and slammed the door.

-

Hank had asked the woman at the front desk a good place to eat. She recommended some local place down the road. He rounded up the kids, despite there only being four of them.

“A night out will do us good.” 

“You’ve been saying that,” Warren mumbled. 

“You didn’t have to come you know,” Ororo stated. 

“I have nothing better to do with my time.”

Ororo kept her mouth shut, knowing she could have said something back, but knowing Warren, it was better not to.

-

The restaurant was pretty crowded, despite it being the middle of the week, but the group still managed to get a table. 

Their server was friendly. They got drinks. They ordered their food. 

“You okay, Warren?” Hank noticed he hardly touched his food.

“Mhmm… Just not that hungry. I’ll probably get a box.” 

“Oh, okay,” Hank nodded, a little unsure. 

-

They left the restaurant and went back to the hotel. Warren took his shirt off and laid on his bed. 

“I’m gonna hang out with Jean… You gonna be okay?”

Warren let out a breathy laugh, “Yeah, yeah. Go have fun, Cyclops… I’m going to bed.” 

Warren couldn’t sleep. He didn’t really want to. He turned on the tv, trying to find something to watch. 

Someone knocked on the door while he was in the middle of some cooking show. Warren got up and opened his door. “Hey, Ro.” 

“Hey, Jean kicked me out. Wanna go for a swim in the pool?”

“Sure.”

He quickly got changed and followed Ororo downstairs.

The got into the elevator and were quiet at first.

“I think they have a hot tub.”

“Cool.” 

Ororo glanced at Warren and sighed. “I’m here for you if you want to talk.”

He nodded, “I know.” 

“For real. You’re allowed to talk about your feelings.”

“I don’t want to.”

Ororo sighed, “Warren…” 

 He looked back at her. “I want this all to be over.”  

“(Y/N)—”

“It’s not fair! Everyone in my life has left me or used me somehow— and I know she’s different, but it’s not fair! I was so happy with her and—” 

The elevator stopped. It wasn’t their floor. The doors opened the reveal a young woman. She had a familiar glow to her and leaves in her hair. 

Warren looked at her, feeling lightheaded at seeing her.

“(Y/N)?”

-

Warren woke up in his hotel bed. He wasn’t sure how he got there. He didn’t even remember going to the pool with Ororo. All he could remember was her. 

(Y/N).

He looked over to his left and saw Scott peacefully asleep in his bed, sleep mask on and everything. The TV was off, and so were all the lights. Warren couldn’t go back to bed, it wasn’t an option. 

He quietly got out of bed and slipped on his shoes, slowly opening the door, as to not wake Scott.

He went out to the halls. He had no plan, no idea where he was going, but he needed to get out. 

He walked around, lost in the halls late at night. He wasn’t tired, but he was upset. He didn’t want to keep crying, he didn’t want to be so dependent on (Y/N), but without her— 

The sound of thunder interrupted his thoughts. He looked outside and saw it was raining. It reminded him of (Y/N)— without her, all it did was rain and snow. 

-

Hank said they were looking for someone. Someone Xaiver wanted to bring back to the mansion. This type of mission was more stealth and would require little physical fighting. 

Hank got told from an anonymous source she’d be at some socialite gathering.

“Scott, Jean, you’re going to pretend to be some young, rich, American couple. Get in there, find our target, and get her alone. Convince her to come back with us if that doesn’t work let us know on the comms.” 

“What does she look like?” 

“Her name is Betsy Braddock—” Hank pulled up a file with all her information on his tablet. 

“What does Xavier want with her?” Warren asked, anger rising in his tone. 

Betsy… She left him to die in Egypt. She got him wrapped up in the Apocalypse cult nonsense. He didn’t want to see her again, he didn’t want to see her ever. 

“She knows something about the attacks in Italy we dealt with around Christmas, plus she’s somewhat telepathic… I know your past with her is messy, but—”

“It’s fine. I don’t care.” Everyone looked at Warren, surprised at his statement. 

“Alright. You guys know what to do— Jean, Scott, get dressed and ready for the party. I’ll get you an uber— Ororo, Warren, You guys are going to a hideout location not far from the location of the party, in case backup is needed. I’m going to stay and operate things here. 

-

The first few hours of the mission went as expected. Jean and Scott made small talk with people, trying to find Betsy. 

Warren didn’t want to see her, or more, he didn’t want her to see him in his current emotional state. But it didn’t matter what he wanted. He argued and insisted on joining this mission, and now he could see why Xavier was hesitant to let him go.

“I see her,” Jean said. “She’s not with anyone.” 

Jean’s earpiece was quiet after that. 

Warren and Ororo sat there for what felt like forever. Jean and Scott talked occasionally, but it was never directly to them. 

The young couple eventually lured Betsy into an empty room.

“You didn’t really bring me up here to sleep with me, did you?” She asked, messing with her hair in the slight reflection from a window. 

Jean shook her head, “No. But we want you to come back with us… You’ve heard of Charles Xavier…” 

Betsy nodded. 

“He wants you to help him with the attacks on the mutant community in southern Italy.” 

“What will he give me in return?” Scott and Jean exchanged a quick glance. They weren’t exactly sure. 

Scott’s voice faltered slightly, “You can…”

Jean finished his sentence. “—You can discuss that with him when we get to New York.” 

Betsy turned her head to look at them, “And what if I say no?”

“We’ll chase you down until you do,” Scott stated with more confidence than before.

“Alright. I’ll go with you.” 

-

Betsy had no idea Warren was in London, or even alive for that matter. Warren had no idea how she was going to react, and he didn’t really want to find out. 

But he didn’t really have an option. 

“Give us time to pack up and we can leave for Westchester,” Jean explained in the ride back to the hotel. 

“Who else is with you?” 

“Dr. McCoy is back at the hotel, and Ororo and Warren should be there too.” Betsy’s expression changed. “You probably know them as—”

“I know exactly who they are. I thought Warren died…”

Scott shook his head, “Nope. He’s doing great.” Scott blinked away the uncertainty hidden behind his words. 

Betsy nodded, unsure what to say. She thought about maybe jumping out of the car, and never seeing these people again. She knew Warren would be angry when he saw her. She couldn’t blame him. 

“He’s not upset with you…” Betsy looked at Jean, a bit shocked. “He’s hurting from something else… Don’t ask about it… just trust me...” 

“Easy for you to say.” Betsy scoffed.

Jean shook her head, “You’ll see…”

“We’re here.” The driver stopped the car and the three got out. 

Betsy looked up at the hotel the group was staying at, “Nice place.” 

They walked in and headed to the nearest elevator. Jean was fidgeting with the comm in her ear. 

“We got back about twenty minutes ago,” Ororo said.

“We’re on our way to our rooms,” Jean replied.

The elevator dinged, signaling it was at the destined floor.

-

They packed up quickly, and stood out in the hall, bags in hand. 

Hank introduced himself to Betsy. Her response was short, she was preoccupied with her ex-boyfriend standing less than five feet away from her. 

“Hi.”

He looked sad and more tired than usual. Seeing him sober was mind-blowing to Betsy, but people change. She hadn’t seen him in a few years— sure they saw each other during the Apocalypse incident, but that was a few days— she was really going to see him this time. 

He didn’t respond to her. She frowned. 

The plane ride was long and tedious. Betsy had nothing to do and wanted nothing more than to leave. So, she decided to try and talk to Warren again.

“Hey.” He turned his head around best he could and looked at Betsy questioningly. She nodded. “What’s up?”

“Not much.” Warren wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk.

“Cool… Cool…” 

There was a pause before Warren spoke up, “Do you need anything?” 

“Just wanted to talk…” 

“You have other options.” 

Betsy rolled her eyes. 

“I don’t really wanna talk to you right now… And I don’t need you poking around in my head either.” 

“I wasn’t going to,” She said calmly. 

Warren didn’t respond. Betsy sighed, he was useless. Warren wasn’t going to talk even if she forced him. And she couldn’t really blame him, but she had a lingering feeling in her stomach. 

Probably just my dinner digesting… 

-

At some point, Betsy fell asleep, for when the plane landed Hank had to wake her up. She rubbed her eyes and undid her seatbelt. 

“Do we have to go through security again?” Scott asked. 

“Yeah, we left the country,” Hank told him while glancing at his watch.

Scott was not too thrilled. Everyone was tired to some degree. It was extremely late, and they went back a few hours due to the time zone.

“It won’t be that long. There’s hardly anyone here.” 

Everyone went through security and headed to the baggage claim to get their stuff. 

Jean was the first to get her suitcase— a medium-sized, teal one— Warren was next, and his was all black, to no one’s surprise, but the nametag on it looked drastic tied to the handle. 

It was clear, with glitter and flowers trapped inside it. It didn’t seem like Warren at all to Betsy, but what did she know? 

-

Hank took Betsy to an empty room and told her she could sleep there for the time being. She set her bags on the floor and looked around. There was a dated-looking wallpaper upon the walls, and the bed took up a little under half of the room. 

It was alright. 

Betsy rummaged through her bag for some pajamas when she heard footsteps. 

Hank had left almost immediately after he showed her the room, so it couldn’t be him. She opened the door only to see Warren walking down the hall. She quietly followed him, staying several steps behind. 

He went down to the main floor, and even further down into the basement. 

This place is huge! Betsy said to herself. 

The basement looked different from the rest of the mansion, for the walls and floor were made of metal. 

Warren turned right, into a room within the basement. Betsy held her breath as she got closer. 

What is he doing down here?

Betsy caught sight of a girl laying in a hospital bed. Warren sat down next to her and started talking… 

That’s why he’s on edge…  Betsy had accidentally bumped into something, making a loud noise. 

Warren shot up, “Who’s there?” 

Betsy tried to sneak out, but Warren caught her.

“Betsy!” 

She froze. 

“Why were you following me?”

“Why are you visiting a coma patient at three in the morning?” She asked back.

“She’s my girlfriend.” 

“I mean I figured as much—”

“So leave.” He cut her off and was sharp. “Please…” He pleaded more in his last word.

She looked at her unconscious figure, “I could help…” 

“No,” He was stern.

“I could—” “—You’d kill her.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” She defended.

“Yeah, you would. Her mutation makes her basically hibernate until March, so she’s fine.”

“I could still help— I’ve helped you before…”

“No, you didn’t! You were constantly going in and out of my life whenever it was convenient for you and came back when I didn’t need you too! You— you ruined my life!”

Betsy felt a wave of guilt wash over her.

“Look…” Warren sighed.  “Betsy… I’m sorry. I don’t want your help… I don’t want you to hurt her.” 

Betsy nodded, she knew Warren wasn’t going to change his mind. 

“Okay.” 

“What?”

“I won’t help you.” She left the medical room, leaving Warren alone with his thoughts.

-

Over the next few days, Betsy accommodated herself to the mansion, giving Xavier the information he wanted, and exploring the grounds. 

She was almost always accompanied by Jubilee, per some people’s request, seeing as her past wasn’t spotless. 

Jubilee was full of energy, and always willing to tell Betsy whatever she asked about. 

“Who’s Warren’s girlfriend?”

“Her name is (Y/N). She controls plants. She can also grow them from her body. And her eyes change color based on her mood… She’s uh, she’s not around at the moment, but that’s not important.” 

Betsy nodded along as Jubilee spoke. “Is he happy?” 

“Do you miss him?” 

Betsy struggled to let out a straight answer, “No— ugh— I just— I ruined his life.” 

“You didn’t ruin his life!” Betsy glared at her. “Okay, okay, maybe you kind of did ruin his life, but he’s fine now. He’s just a little on edge you’re here and (Y/N) isn’t.” 

“I don’t need to stay here—” 

“Bullshit!” Jubilee exclaimed.  “You’ve got nowhere else to go, really.”

“It’s more complicated than that.”

-

Betsy was rarely ever alone. She was too busy helping the X-Men. 

She had a few moments to herself though. She was never sure what to do. She couldn’t just up and leave and go out to some bar and sulk in a corner and come back drunk and angry— that’d paint her as extremely irresponsible. She didn’t want to bore or impose on the X-Men if she didn’t have to. 

She wandered around the mansion. It was massive and somewhat old and stuffy looking, but also gave off those classic school vibes.

Betsy wandered into the basement at some point and quickly learned, that was where the X-Men trained, made battle and mission plans, stored their jet, Hank worked on costumes and more in his lab, and where their medical bay was kept. 

She knew she shouldn’t be down there alone. Betsy wasn’t going to do anything bad, but it felt wrong. 

She was watching a girl in a coma sleep. There were so many things wrong about that. 

Of course, no one would really care, except for maybe Warren— but he had every good reason to.

“You keep visiting me.” 

Betsy almost jumped. The voice had startled her. She thought she was alone. 

“Jean?” But didn’t sound like Jean. Betsy couldn’t decipher who it was. 

She sat there for another thirty minutes, hoping the voice would return, but it didn’t. 

So she got up and left. 

It was probably just a student. My telepathic abilities aren’t the strongest. It was probably just a student somewhere on the grounds…

She didn’t tell anyone about the voice. She didn’t want to seem crazy, because it probably didn’t mean anything. 

-

“Hey,  guys! I found this on my google drive! It’s a bunch of videos from Xavier’s fourth of July party!” Peter had his laptop open at a table, with a few papers spread about. 

Everyone, including Betsy, gathered around Peter as he played a few video clips.

It was Warren, Peter, Scott, and (Y/N) all together in the first one. They were walking in a parking lot with shopping bags in their hands. 

“We just spent—” Peter cut Warren off.

“We just spent $2,000 on fireworks! Holy fuck!” Everyone else is laughing at his enthusiasm. 

“Can’t Jubilee just produce fireworks? Why did we need this many anyway?” 

“It’s for the American aesthetic, (Y/N)!” 

They got into the car and Peter was still recording. 

“Weren’t you born in Poland or something?” 

“America was founded on immigration—”

The clip was cut off, and the next one played automatically. But Betsy remembered the voice. The female one. It was like the one she heard in the basement… was (Y/N) trying to contact her?

She tried to focus as the next few clips played, she needed to hear (Y/N)’s voice again.

“Kurt, look—” Peter was still recording with his smartphone, he had zoomed in on a darker part of Xavier’s. It was a tree, and two people were leaning up against it— clearly making out. 

“Jean told me she went to get more popsicles!” Kurt whined. 

Everyone watching was laughing, except for Scott and Jean, who were extremely embarrassed they got caught. 

“You ain’t slick, Summers.”

“Shut up.” 

Footsteps could be heard. “What are we doing?” (Y/N) asked.

“Look—” Kurt motioned to the couple at the tree. 

“Oh, gross. They don’t even know we’re watching! And to think… Warren went inside to see what Jean was doing…”

“Well, he won’t find out,” Kurt joked. 

Betsy knew she heard (Y/N) voice in the basement… but why? Was she a ghost? Did her unconscious state allow her to communicate telepathically? 

She needed to go back there, alone, but she knew that was almost impossible. Hank was almost always down in the lab, and Warren was almost always visiting (Y/N). 

-

That didn’t really matter to her. Betsy needed to talk to her or hear her voice again. She thought about asking Jean, but she thought that would be fruitless. 

She went to visit (Y/N) again, but this time she spoke to her. 

“Can you hear me?” 

No response. 

“My name is Betsy Braddock. I know who you are and I’m not going to hurt you.” 

Betsy huffed, “This is stupid!” She got up and began to walk out. 

“Wait!” Betsy froze. (Y/N) said something. “You keep visiting me…”

“I’m just curious about you,” Betsy responded.

“Why?” 

“I don’t know I—” 

“Betsy?” Warren’s voice was stern and almost angry. “What are you doing here?”

“I can hear her. Like, with my abilities… I know you didn’t really want me down here and I understand—”

“Then why are you here?” 

“I wanted to see if I could communicate with her telepathically…” She admitted.  “That’s all. I’m not trying to wake her or anything.” 

“I’m sorry… but I can hear people and it’s nice to have someone who can hear me back…” 

Betsy, plagued with guilt, looked over at (Y/N), whos lifeless form hadn’t changed a bit, despite the obvious sadness in her words.

“I just feel, so bad and I don’t know why and… I ruined your life. There’s no shortcut, without me you would have left the fighting ring in less than three weeks… You’d have your feathery wings still… but I loved you and I couldn’t let go, and I thought bringing Apocalypse to you would make up for all the shit I did…” 

“I was a kid. I didn’t even know what love meant! And I’m not avoiding you on purpose, I don’t resent you as much as I did when I first came here… but I don’t know what you want, okay? Our lives aren’t connected anymore, and I just want (Y/N) back...” Warren was biting down on his lip to keep himself from breaking down crying. 

“Tell him I’m sorry.” 

“(Y/N) said she’s sorry…” 

Warren’s gaze shifted between the two girls. 

“Why is she sorry?”

“All I’ve done since Christmas is make him unhappy and upset. He deserves someone who isn’t asleep for part of the year.”

“She said, you deserve someone who isn’t asleep for part of the year.” 

Warren walked over to (Y/N)’s body, he held her hand in his. “It’s not about what I may or may not deserve. It’s about what I want and love.” 

“I love him…” 

Betsy was about to repeat what she said, but Warren was crying. He had let a single tear drip down. 

It landed on (Y/N)’s hand. And soon as it did, her eyes flew open. 

-

She was gasping for air, eyes squinting up at the fluorescent lights. (Y/N) heard voices. 

“She’s awake…” 

“It’s almost March, that might be too early—“

“—I’ll be fine,” (Y/N) interrupted. She rubbed her eyes and turned her eyes away from the lights, looking over at Warren, who was at her side, tears in his eyes. 

“Betsy, go get Hank.” He instructed. Warren looked back at (Y/N), holding her hand in his, and his other cupping her cheek. 

“Hi.” She murmured in a groggy tone. 

“Hi.” He kissed her forehead. “I missed you.”

“I know… I’m sorry…”

“Sorry?” Warren was perplexed. “What for?” 

“I couldn’t stay awake, and I hurt you, Warren. I made you cry and think you weren’t good enough for me…” She snuffled her nose. 

“That’s bullshit. You could never hurt me. I was crying because I couldn’t do anything. The last time I saw you was before I went to Italy on some dumb mission— I missed you… I missed your smile, I missed how you’d make flower crowns and put them on my head, how I could go to you after a nightmare no matter what time of night it was, or how you told me I helped you become more assertive and learn it’s okay to say no, or you showing me the beauty in everything— I…” His voice was breaking, but all (Y/N) could see in his eyes was happiness.  “I can’t live without you… I love you.”

“Oh, Warren, baby…” She squeezed his hand. 

Warren cupped her face with his free hand and kissed her. 

That one kiss said everything he wanted to say. It let out his feelings. It had passion and swiftness backing it up, followed by his undying love for (Y/N). 

She kissed him back, trying to make up for the time they’ve lost. Her lips fit prefectures against his. 

It was like the first time they kissed, full of everything she wanted, except much longer, with more meaning to it. 

They broke apart slowly, almost as if they didn’t want to. 

“I love you too…” She murmured.

[common-blackbird]

Started!

This is my Inquisitor (so overjoyed you can be a qunari), her name is the default Herah and I decided I’m going to approach this game by staying true to a character and not looking to do everything and be on everyone’s good side u_u

I want to make a good background for her so i’m not telling anything. Yet. I’ll just say she’s a qunari mercenary and prefers using two-handed weapons.

Highlights from today:

Studying history does pay off! This was a reference to the famous book in environmental history - Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond. So proud i recognised it x)

Also i don’t have a good shot of solas but he cracks me up so much.. The guy has a posture of the typical retired grandpa (the only thing missing is to have him walk with his hands on his back). And there’s a scene where the party sees the rift and there’s the inquisitor facing it, cassandra bracing herself and solas... just standing like an old man

On a side note, Cassandra is so gorgeous and good and i already love her, i just keep taking shots of her TAT

As for varric, it’s so different than from da2, this is so much more “official” and you can see he’s the same as ever, but you’re not hawke, hawke’s not here, the gang’s not here and there’s nothing casual about the whole situation T-T

And lastly, my inquisitor has a horse now, i didn’t know that was possible in the game ;__;

played some more...

Let  me start with.... The advisors! (+ cassandra... or is she also an advisor too?)

What a bunch. I love Cassandra’s and Leliana’s faith having a crisis bc they believe that Inquisitor is the Herald of Andraste and the way they deal with it. It’s really interesting. Leliana is completely opposite than what she was in origins and i’m surprised it doesn’t bother me at all! I love seeing this whole darker side that was only hinted at in origins, though it’s also sad when i think how she used to be. I wonder how she’s gonna overcome her doubting of faith. 

Josephine is a delight. I keep using her for almost every war table mission for now. She radiates capability. She reminds me of those bureaucrats that are super nice and helpful and chill and even if you’re doing everything wrong she’ll just smile and say “it’s ok, we can fix it” and then goes and fixes everything herself (and you feel this insane amount of gratitude you send a whole separate email to thank her for her patience and help )

As for Cullen... It’s interesting... I got impression from what i saw in the fandom that he’s supposed to have had his allegiance changed and him rejecting the templars should have been him ultimately siding with the mages (or at least being anti-templar(?)), and that turning point that could have been a great way to show his character development during the game. Which i agree, only... i did not get that impression from the game so far at all. I mean, so far everything that i can remember him saying is totally smth he’d say in da2... He didn’t leave kirkwall bc of his disappointment with the templar order, he doesn’t seem to have any issues with the templars except those who go full war mode instead of trying to balance the situation. And it’s a really chaotic situtation, i love how they did it.

This line was amazing, i wish there was a special cutscene for that.

I’m loving the way they made this huge religious organisation in crisis have a complete collapse with the death of a key figure. I love the concept of inquisition and problems that it poses. I love you can see everyone’s reasoning and doubts reflect their background, but also see why inquisition can be understood as another power-grasping organisation trying to topple the templars, the mages and the chantry. Everything is divided. We got templars leaving the chantry, seekers leaving the chantry(?), rebel mages, loyal mages, rebel mages gone rouge, templars gone rouge, and suddenly there’s another organisation forming that you can totally believe is just another powerhungry force trying to get the piece of the cake by taking advantage of the power vacuum left by the sudden lack of the religious authority. (and only we know we’re The Good Guys). I love that we have characters who need to believe in the greater plan, characters who question the greater plan, and characters who want to utilise the power of belief and characters who don’t care for divine plans. The chaos is real and it feels real. I love that the centre figure of the whole holy business is a heretic of another culture. For the chantry this is the lose-lose situation (unless the inquisitor becomes religious by the end of the game). Which is why this line works so well. 

Ok, now shorter updates:

Red Jenny! I know it’s not her actual name but it is in my head. Where’s that box i delivered ages ago >_> Anyways, she makes my brain work on 150% capacity. I can understand what she means only after i go over it for 5 times.

Forgive me but oh my god, i can’t believe that i can recognise one voice actor and now i have another mental image whenever he speaks. Like, he’s really good at bringing out a new character, but when he gets more casual he sounds like kanan jarrus from star wars rebels and i’m just “what are you doing here, space dad” ;__; Hopefully it’ll get old and i’ll be enjoying more iron bull. he seems nice...

Vivienne on the other hand is like a reverse Josephine(?) She seems insanely capable but hates customer service, however somehow she likes you very much and will do everything you need for reasons you can’t fathom. Have a screenshot. So classy. I already feel humbled.

and lastly, BREAKING NEWS: aveline finally hired carver ;__;

Tbh Kirkwall is still a mystery and i have so many questions but i don’t think i’ll get any answers... If a powervacuum of the divine cause this much chaos, how’s kirkwall faring without a new viscount? Like, yeah, aveline can keep in check, but umm it’s in a very vulnerable state which makes it a good target for any invasion... didn’t sebastian promise bloodshed?

That’s all for now, bc otherwise i’ll start writing an essay on cassandra.

We befriended a bear in the hinterlands!

lets start with this cool shot

so, i have been to the mages and to the templars and... i sided with the templars.... First i was all for mages since they offered negotiations while the seeker just walked away, but then it turned out that was a trap, there’s also tevinter mages there (which is a red flag for my inquisitor) and then there’s some time magic involved (which is a big no for me), and i just walked out. Felt bad for the mages but my inquisitor comes from a culture where mages have their tongues cut so...

Also this guy deserves a medal for putting up with corrupted superiors and annoying nobles.

And i met cole ;__; Where are Rhys and Evangeline ;___;

the templar mission was ok i guess... I was surprised that red lyrium was apparently circulating around for some time, not sure if that means since meredith or even before. I love the stories of corruption tho and to imagine what it’s like to be trapped in this organisation that just keeps breaking everything it stands for

As for the important mages, i’ve Dorian twice since i bailed out on him in Redcliffe :I I love the guy, he seems arrogant yet so kind (like, no one would have carried that annoying priest and yet he did, after he ran from his own people to warn us after i ditched him in Redcliffe? man ;A;) Every time i go with “ok the inquisitor fears tevinter and distrusts this rando who just popped in” i am marinating in guilt.

and then we fight some mages and die several times but we succeed and we meet the bad guy...

Is it an unpopular opinion to say that i like him as a villain so far? i saw so many jokes on his incompetency. Idk, i like that part where he said that he reached the fade in someone’s name, it makes me think he’s not just power-hungry person(?) who’s just evil,but was originally serving someone, and he said that the gods were either gone or corrupted and he spent hundreds of years thinking what to do with whatever happened so he seems like he knows what he’s doing and maybe(!just maybe) he is trying to fix things that are wrong but we can’t see that? And of course he hates the inquisitor, he has to redo his stuff all over again, i’d hate the inquisitor too. im probably looking too much into it. My wish is that, if he’s evil, he became so gradually, but originally had good intentions? Or there’s more to things going on that we just don’t know and he does... Maybe this was his tragic attempt to fix things but he would ultimately fail and be branded as a villain etc etc. I’m getting carried away

If it turns out he’s just evil for the sake of being evil then feel free to tell me so now so i don’t embarrass myself further with plotting myself lol.

A side note, is he the Architect? Or the same? In DA2 he says he’s a tevinter magister, right? and he ceased to be a human. Also in DA2 it seemed like he was the boss, and here he said he reached in the name of someone (probably more important than him). But what is the Architect then?

And with that we reach the skyhold.

in skyhold

I didn’t know you meet hawke so soon ;__; i thought that was like, somewere more to the end of the game, since the big decision and all. But the mission is already opened and i am going to procrastinate on it until i finish every side mission :<

Also he is so sad ;__; i understand, but at the same time... all that humour now bitter sarcasm :’(

(also, very shallow remark, but i really really prefer his looks in da2 than here... it’s like they softened him. He’s more...oh god idk bearish(???) than hawkish(????) you know what i mean? the nose isn’t as sharp anymore, the beard is... what is it with the beard... anyways i get the game has its limits so it’s fine. it’s fine! fine.)

then there was the fight that i remember since twitter >:D

It’s what made me want to play dragon age and i finally reached it T-T so good! I love how you can see the both sides and everything they say is true but they’re so angry at themselves they’re taking it out on each other TAT

Cassandra later says Hawke probably wouldn’t have joined the inquisition even if she found him, and i wonder now if that’s true... At first i thought, nah, Hawke has too much of a hero complex, he would feel too responsible to just say no. Besides, he’s with the inquisition now (tho i can’t find him anywhere anymore!). But at the same time, the way da2 ends was such an iconic walking away from everything, and not taking into account the hocus-pocus rift stuff, i can imagine him refusing, especially seeing how bitter he is now. It’s also a question of how much would have cassandra told him i guess. idk, what do you think? Would he lead or nah?

another person i want to find but can’t in skyhold are the templars with ser barris. i can use them on war table missions but otherwise they’re non-existant? i forgot to talk to him back in haven but now i wonder if it was even possible and if he was even available there, since he isn’t here. I spent hours just running around skyhold looking for the guy :(

and then everything becomes unimportant bc aaaaa!! she! is the arcanist! Dagna! im so happy and proud(?) she went and reached her goals x)

anyways that’s all for now, laters

some random updates:

so i did the halamshiral and gave up to my “stick to the character” mode, and nothing went my way, but that’s life. Met morrigan! i almost forgot she appears lol. And, despite also jumping on the wagon of give-morrigan-better-clothes train, i have to admit seeing her in her old clothes was a relief after that dress at the ball. It’s not the way the dressed looked, but the way she moved in it... god im shallow

i also initially didn’t like morrigan being at orlais court of all places, but after the conversation that’s supposed to explain why she’s there i’m kinda ok with it. I mean, i still need some more info. Wouldn’t Tevinter be better? she’d practically become a magister overnight if she got this good in the game so fast. It’s also unconvincing how everyone knows everything in orlais but somehow nobody connected that the random kid that has no bakcground whatsoever with morrigan who keeps checking on him? But at skyhold she’s just “hey i have a kid, he’s no trouble, right?”  but hey, it’s morrigan. She can do anything. I’ll just have another story idea in my head.

Then there was news of the new divine that could be either cassandra or leliana and i don’t honestly know whom to choose. I’d prefer leliana over cassandra simply bc cassandra is more of a military mind, while the position of the divine would be more political. But lately every mission with leliana was spy spy, kill kill... Do we really want that for a religious leader? On the other hand, it would nicely round up her story from origins to inquisition... But cassandra is more of a public figure than leliana is...

when cassandra said:

“I want to respect the tradition, but not fear change. I want to right the past wrongs, but not avenge them. And I have no idea if wanting any of them makes them right.”

great moment. She’s usually so convinced and rash, i forget she’s more doubtful and open minded than what she looks like. Everything about cassandra is different from the impression she gives ;__; I love her so so so so much. (when she says she considers the inquisitor her friend i melted, next time varric pulls up the “seeker has no friends” joke, my heart will no longer be breaking).

I did a bunch of personal missions. Some were cool, some were ????. Also there were war table missions with zevran, that was cool. Also i love the codex entries in skyhold. The archery competition with varric banned? Dancing lessons failing bc lace harding is on the move all the time? Perfect.

And i met chargers, i like them, and aaah that staff-bow from the trailer is such a cool idea ;A;

What i don’t get with bull’s chargers is - they’re a mercenary group right? But isn’t swordselling seen as the complete misunderstanding of the qun? I get only bull is qunari, but he’s the leader of them? How is that not frowned upon?

And lastly, i don’t think i’ve said this, but i love that they added codex entries in the loading screens. love it.

update

After months of procrastination, i have faced my fears and have met alistair. it was very anticlimatic beating 11 level monsters when i was level 21...

but.. ALISTAIR TAT He’s changed... but not changed... but changed! Like, his personality is the same, but he’s more serious, doesn’t run from responsibilities, isn’t as bitter as hawke (also, why do i get impression that i am supposed to get the impression that they’re friends? they’ve met like, once, and talked for less than a minute.. whatevs. let’s pretend they’ve met again when on the run), i really love the inquisition alistair ;;__;;

Also, i managed to get that awkward demon baby family reunion :D

 know that morrigan says the vaguest generic thing “i told him his father was a good man” bc of various world states, but i also think she’s come a long way not to mock alistair, and then when he notices that she didn’t use the opportunity he mentions that the kid changed her and she’s like “pfft, yea right, you wish”....

... when she was the one who said that in the first place ;;__;;

Awwww :> I love that they bicker but softly. Kids have grown up :’) Anyways, when will alistair start paying alimony

The only weird one is Leliana bc when morrigan was introduced she was like “danger danger” (smth i’d sooner think alistair would do), and when alistair is (supposedly) in skyhold, Leli doesn’t even mention him, only hawke.  bruh, what were they to you, you almost died together ;;__;;

oh i also slayed a dragon.  I didn’t even want to fight that dragon. It was a hillarious feat of inquisitor, solas, cole and blackwall, all on level 21, having to chug all the health potions right at the beginning while fighting a dragon that was... level 13, after which i just let go of controls and suddenly everyone was hella good at fighting and slayed it (only cole needed revival several times).  

And, befitting the wild-dream feel that it had, when i got back to skyhold and visited companions, suddenly i was drinking pelin with iron bull, and he’s reminiscing on that fight with the dragon and i’m like

it was awful and you weren’t even there.

i forgot to update

but last time i was playing i finished the hawke/alistair sacrifice and all the torture i went through with deciding whom to sacrifice vanished bc frankly, at one moment, i wanted to sacrifice both of them, but in the end it was much more easier to sacrifice hawke bc inquisition hawke just didn’t feel like hawke to me, while alistair improved since the origins!

and now i remembered why i didn’t update, in the same day cassandra rejected me so i was sad and didn’t continue playing since then (i think last time i played it was around easter?)

new update

BLACKWALL!! or should i say Thom Rainier? Wow, what an arc! It was also so fun bc i was all strict mode, picking the third option, telling him his life is in inquisitor’s hands and all that, but in the end i set him free. He’s so good, a true knight T-T

Also i romanced sera. we’ll see how that goes.

Also, fave point in the game so far, i wanted, for so long, to sit at that val roeayoux (can’t spell) cafe and finally did it with cole’s personal mission. THANK YOU COLE YOU TRULY CAN READ PEOPLE’S MINDS.

another interesting thing was that after specialising as a reaver, cassandra said that drinking dragon blood makes you grow scales and become mad. Iron Bull said that inquisitor smells better bc dragon blood and that qunari generally smell better than humans. So i’m guessing qunari have fractions of dragon in them? ok...

and now i started that mission with morrigan and the puzzles are killing me lol, i am this 👌 close to just go chase calpernia and give up on a well of sorrows.

[sotorubio]

i’m genuinely curious now though. i agree people are flimsy in judging good or bad rep but. considering the meaning for lgbt rep to exist is for people to see themselves and feel comforted that it’s okay to love who they love. what’s a show or film looks like to you devoid of a romantic storyline. i get a story about friends that are all lgbt interacting and living life and that’d be pretty interesting, but outside of this one option. do we get the token gay character that exists to fill up a quota in show full of straight people or what. how does that work

edit: i definitely answered this more passive aggressively than i intended msjfkdks apologies for that but the implication that fatou could be a token gay shocked me to my core ❤️ putting this edit as a heads up before the actual answer so y'all r prepared rip

i'm not sure if u r seriously calling fatou the token gay or? the token x character refers to usually side characters who r put in the show just to make the illusion of diversity while the show actually doesn't do anything abt their story. in fact many token gay characters r only represented when they r in a relationship bc the writers don't care abt writing lgbt individuals. so writing an entire season abt a lesbian who's plot consist of her living as an individual, as more than one half of a relationship, is the exact opposite of tokenism

if i'm understanding this correctly u seem to think lgbt rep boils down to romantic relationships n anything besides that is secondary? here's a post where i talked abt why this kind of perspective regarding lgbt ppl is flawed or u can read this post talking abt the topic as well. the feeling of comfort abt loving who u love is only one small facet of representation n as u said urself the meaning of rep is ppl seeing themselves in the characters. surprisingly lgbt ppl can see themselves in.. lgbt ppl. even if those ppl r single

if being lgbt is only meaningful & relatable to u when it's abt romantic love & relationships then that's okay but that's just how u personally see it. for example i myself am a student trying to graduate in the middle of a pandemic. i would rather die than make time for a girlfriend rn will u be taking my lgbt card away tomorrow?? do u believe single lgbt ppl don't exist or that they don't experience life through the perspective of being lgbt, just bc they don't have a partner?

the lgbt labels r identities. they exist independently whether ur in a relationship or not. fatou didn't become a lesbian when she kissed kieu my, she's a lesbian when she struggles at school, she's a lesbian when she fights w her friends, she's a lesbian when she takes a test to learn if she has a learning disability, she's a lesbian every single second she is shown on screen. what's so bad abt seeing snippets of a lesbian's regular life? u seem to think that the only difference between cishets & lgbt individuals is our relationships but that's not true in the slightest. i don't experience school or work or just life in general in any way similar to that of straight person just bc i want to be single?

fatou represents black lesbians, fatou represents lesbians w learning disabilities, she represents lesbians struggling w school, she represents insecure ppl, and yes she even represents lesbians in relationships w other women bc that's still been a huge part of the season. her identity just doesn't depend on whether she's kissing a girl 24/7

think mia's season. she was a bisexual character so her season was an lgbt season but it's not good rep bc her lable was clearly an after-thought. they didn't write bisexuality as her identity they just treated it as a lable they can slap on a character they originally wrote as straight n pretend u only identify w the lable when u enter a relationship. fatou however was very much written identity first - relationship second. when she's down she watches wlw proposals. who can relate? when she's on a dating app she gets unsolicited three some requests. who can relate?

how many of u were thrilled to see a lesbian showing physical affection toward her female friends & make smth romantic for them when a prevalent stereotype abt lgbt ppl is that they r predatory or gross for approaching straight ppl? who was happy to see that fatou has a bond & a deep friendship w the other black girl in her friend group "even tho" she's straight bc funny enough being gay isn't the only axis of oppression? who has been enjoying seeing fatou, a canon black lesbian, living her very multifaceted life w/o ever being reduced down to her romantic relationship?

[redxblueihateloveyou]

i know that there are rinharu shippers that exaggerate interactions and read too deeply into them, but ngl mh shippers take it to a whole new level. Like, yeah we all know Haru cares about Mako, he's his best friend, but they take soooooooo many things and twist it out of context and then try to claim it as canon. i don't get it. it's fine if makoharu is your deal, but then they use it to attack rinharu and its like not. even. canon???

Every shipper exaggerates their otp moments, I mean, it’s a normal thing. But there’s a huge difference between taking an existing moment and overemphasizing it and taking this moment and turning it completely upside down, you know what I mean? Take a canon moment and go ahead and exaggerate it, but don’t create something that didn’t happen and exaggerate it, and don’t take a canon moment and make it the complete opposite of what happened.

I think it’s perfectly okay and understandable, when you like see your ship smile at each other or smth and freak out, for example. Or like when Rin said that maybe he and Haru also gonna be in one bed together next year, like I think, I deserve to make a big deal out of this, cause... I mean, it’s right there. He said it, not me.  

Or take me, for example, after the new bnha ova, when I went like “tododeku flirted and forgot bakugou under the rocks”, which was like a hilarious scene. I’m of course exaggerating, cause I just found it funny that they started talking about getting out without even looking around for the third party, that could be crushed under rocks, but I’m just joking. I mean, you can’t help but joke at scenes like this, when it’s your otp.

Now imagine if todobaku fans for example were watching that scene in ova and be like “Todoroki only ran to Midoriya because he thought Bakugou was buried under him, and then Midoriya threw a magic dust at him so he couldn’t remember anything.” Can you even imagine such madness? Now that’s how most Makoharu fans are watching Free!

And I just want to say, that I’m normally in many fandoms are so good with people who ship something that I don’t. I mean, I absolutely love bakudeku and todobaku fans, like 90% are so sweet and they even write comments under my tododeku vids like “this is amazing, respect from bakudeku gang” and KNB fandom is very nice no matter what they ship, and etc.

But.. but makoharu, I mean Makoto fans, I in all seriousness cannot talk to. I mean, these bunch... most of them don’t even like Makoto for who he is. They sell him as some protective and secretly very dangerous dude. It’s like if I said that Haru is my favorite, cause he’s so good at communicating with people.

I mean, to create something that’s completely OOC and claim that it’s there is just utter nonsense to me. Like when someone wrote that Haru is unrequitedly in love with Makoto, I almost peed myself from laughing, but honestly at some point it all got to the point where it’s not funny anymore, cause when you read their posts, you realize that they’re serious.

I mean you gotta realize that when you change characters to the point that they’re not these characters anymore, it’s not called “all ships are valid”, it called “pure stupidity”. Because it’s not the said ship already. It’s some other characters.

And when you constantly post not in your tag and get jealous of a rinharu post that got 20k notes and screenshoot it on insta even tho it has nothing to do with your ship and wasn’t even tagged no by makoharu no by makoto, there’s clearly something not okay with you, just saying.

And I’ve seen some fandoms/ships who twist everything to the point where it gets histerical. 

Like when, for example, when Eren told Mikasa that he always hated her because she behaves like a slave without her own will, and they interpreted it as “he said it because he loves her so so much” and I’m not joking there’s a whole tumblr post dedicated to this.

And I’ve seen some fandoms/ships who twist everything to the point where I’m genuinely worried for people’s sanity.

Like when V had a live translation and someone wrote him about getting on with Jungkook (1stly, are u even ok???) and he addressed this and asked to stop being delusional, and that they’re friends. I legit thought maybe it’ll stop people, until next day I saw a post on YouTube about how Bighit tries to cover vkook with jikook and Jimin is an asshole who always hangs on Jungkook... I’m like I do not know how to react to this. I mean, do I wanna ask why Bighit would want to cover one gay BTS ship with another one? Or should we just skip to the question “are you okay?” lmao 

But I still think Makoharu fans take the cake tbh.

I mean it’s not about the ship wars, because I normally don’t mind anyone shipping anything, since everyone has their own tastes and some people, like in real life, see love in all kind of crazy shit. Like someone thinks “he treats you like shit and yells at you, means he loves you”, someone think that it’s if you’re with somebody all your life or grateful for something... ppl mistake this for love too. And hey, to everyone love means different things. Someone just settle for things, some dream big and wants to live a life. No judging. 

But like if you ship makoharu, accept it for what it is, not for something it’s clearly not. But once again, it’s mostly makoto fans, cause it’s all going from twisting a character, and pretending he’s not what he is.

But then once again, many people do not understand characters in anime in general. Like if you think Momoi is really Kuroko’s love interest and do not see what author intended, you probably need to broaden your horizons a bit.

Or like if you think that, idk, Alois is a villain, Lance is really this cheerful and Kuroko is an angel. I mean, it’s hilarious how even in some obvious situations people do not get things. Like seriously, maybe put just a tiny bits of brains into work when you’re watching, this is all I ask.

And don’t get me wrong, I won’t  generalize and say that all makoharu shippers are like that, but there are some ships and sometimes even whole fandoms whose most fans are just dumb, and makoharu is in top three of those for sure. I’m sorry, but it’s true, you saw it. I just can’t even have a normal conversation or a healthy argument with them, cause the logic doesn’t exist there.

And ones again, don’t get me wrong, you can be the smart one in the dumb fandom, too. Sometimes fandoms embarrass nice people, it happens.

[janiedean]

I was wondering what you feel about the opinion that GRRM hates feminine/non-warrior women because they (Catelyn, Cersei, Sansa) are written with intentional flaws while his warrior girls (Brienne, Arya) are not? Do you agree with that? That Brienne and Arya have no flaws? It was some dumb meta about how the world is against Brienne, but she never does harm to the world, so she's a bad character and GRRM is a misogynist or something. (1/2)

I disagree obviously. Just because Brienne is not a demon doesn't mean she doesn't have flaws or she's a bad character lol. Like... why can't we have an angel in a world of monsters? What's wrong with that? Are these people jealous that Brienne is one of those pure character that their faves are not, so they feel like dismissing her as a bad character to make themselves feel good? I'm asking you because I know you love Catelyn and Brienne so I know you're the best person to ask this. Ty (2/2)

... I mean this has a long answer to give but this *meta* seems to me like it was written by someone who has no idea what they’re talking about when it comes to who grrm hates in his writing or his supposed misogyny because they have it all wrong and I think you pretty much guessed the point, but in order, let’s... tackle this one by one:

grrm doesn’t at all hate cat and sansa and their flaws are... flaws in the sense that he’s writing them like good people who aren’t 100% perfect but like.. sansa’s *flaws* from the beginning are stuff that’s common to most 12yo girls in existence and she overcomes them and she’s generally a good and kind and caring person whose main trait is that she’s good and kind and stays like that so how exactly now she’s written... like you’re supposed to hate her? bc she’s not. grrm never wanted you to hate sansa. he wrote her like a realistic 11-15yo but like most of us were like that at that age or have had friends who were like that, so... what the fuck. catelyn.... like guys the one heavy flaw she has is her treatment of jon but she’s written as a smart person who’s trying to live in a misogynistic society as best as she can and she’s written like a tragic character but grrm obviously likes her/loves writing her, it’s.... like if you read her chapters you can see how much work/love/craft went into them and how he worked on her bg very carefully also she is more of a protagonist than ned until asos when it comes to the stark side like.... how is giving her human flaws meaning he hates her?? grrm doesn’t hate her. the fact that she and brienne end up doing the knightly/lady sworn sword thing is even more of a proof he doesn’t but more on that later;

cersei... well I mean grrm obv doesn’t like cersei that much but a) he’s written a version of that character at least thrice already including the asoiaf one so I think he has an ex like that that he doesn’t particularly remember fondly or smth but like... she’s written to be a villain. she’s a villain. she’s a very well-crafted/thought out villain with a realistic background but diff. from cat and sansa she’s there to be the antagonist period, and just like... cersei and cat are aesthetically the same archetype and they couldn’t be more different so idk wtf are people smoking when saying that and if they can’t read cat chapters without fandom-hates-her glasses idk what to tell them;

brienne and arya have flaws are we serious, like arya has the flaws everyone has at that age (too impulsive/tends to judge people very fast/is too fixed on things/doesn’t listen to people etc) but like she’s fucking nine when it starts and she gets traumatized to hell and back, like arya’s sl to me is creepy af because no 12yo should be like that and it’s a very good trauma exploration but like....... she has faults but she’s not a bad person for obvious reasons as in SHE’S A KID same as sansa same as EVERYONE UNDERAGE IN THESE BOOKS except partially joffrey and even he has a background that explains how he is, like.... arya and sansa are supposed to be written in an equally sympathetic but specular way because they have opposite ways of reacting to trauma ie sansa holds on to her kindness arya gets progressively detached because she has to kill people to survive but you’re not supposed to hate either of them? honestly grrm wrote them with the exact same stakes, anyone who thinks it’s qualitatively different needs to go back and reread it with some intellectual honestly;

brienne... I mean we serious? the thing with brienne is that she’s a fundamentally good person who is written to become the ultimate example of a good knight™ and who is supposed to restore decency to the title after the institution has crumpled into the dirt, so... she’s... good, same as dunk is in the novels, but like: lmao she has a lot of faults, first thing that at the beginning she judges everyone on sight and sees everything in black and white, she has zero preservation instinct and nonexisting selfesteem because she thinks her life isn’t worth her vows and she thinks she��s not fit for anything she tries to do and would have died for a guy who danced with her once like sorry that’s not healthy, which are all things,... she’s... getting over.... because she has a character arc, but saying that brienne isn’t realistic or doesn’t have faults is ridiculous because she is;

now, this concept that grrm is misogynist is idiotic because a guy who has an insane number of female povs - some of which are the same trope ie brienne and arya - and have all a distinct different personality and voice and none of them are like too idealized or too evil and are to a level relatable means he’s everything but because a misogynyst wouldn’t be able to pull that off. like, in any other book brienne and arya would have been the same character, in his they’re not, so maybe like... give him some credit in the sense that the moment half of your povs are well-written realistic female characters and the ones without povs are equally well-written/manage to be fan faves (ie marg and olenna) maybe he’s just... not... a misogynist nor hates women so that’s out of the way;

re cat and brienne: like... saying ‘ah he hates catelyn’ when catelyn is literally the first *lady* who treats brienne like a friend/peer/person she cares about is completely fucking idiotic because guess what if you’re like brienne usually most Attractive Girls™ the way cat is are not your best friends in life (I mean c. calls her a cow and they didn’t even meet on paper lmao and it’s obvious from b’s povs that she has bad experiences with other women in general), so the fact that cat actually sees her worth, accepts her as her sworn sword doing a thing that’s usually just between men, trusts her with her daughters’ lives, thinks she’s a better knight than jaime could be and treats her as it befits her station (in riverrun she had dresses made for her but brienne wouldn’t wear them) and is actually good to one of the few good people in these books who gets treated like dirt by most others should tell you exactly what grrm thinks of catelyn, ie nothing too bad, and that she’s a good person who fucked up on one thing that the narrative knows and doesn’t excuse, but like.... lmao that entire argument falls flat just for that;

Are these people jealous that Brienne is one of those pure character that their faves are not, so they feel like dismissing her as a bad character to make themselves feel good? you’re on to smth but as I ranted on twitter once: this all falls again to the fact that people Cannot Accept The Fact That An Ugly Girl Who Is Going To Stay Ugly is one of the moral hearts of these series and is An Actual Good Person Who Deserves Good Things in spite of not performing femininity, and who’s going to get the guy of her dreams (who is Hot) without settling and without becoming beautiful, and she’ll manage to realize her dreams even without becoming beautiful and regardless of having been treated like dirt because of her looks all her life, and like... apparently that is too much or too complicated to conceive and so either they have to decide she’s not That ugly or make her things she’s not or decide she’ll die early wow and whatever else, but like: the problem is that usually the Pure Moral Center Of A Story Who Happens To Be Female and gets her dreams and the hot dude is standard attractive. brienne is not, she has trauma because of that, and she’s still the best person in there (or one of the best) and she’ll get her dreams and the hot dude, and people can’t handle this specific concept nor admit that grrm, having done a thing that no one else has until now because there’s no other brienne in genre literature/in that way, is everything but a misogynist, since he actually, ah, wait, gave decent rep to people who most times are relegated to playing the best friend who stays single or are usually evil bc ugly antagonist women are everywhere, ugly protagonist women who are actually Good People™ and aren’t a paragon of Pure Virtue and don’t die virgins? not really. so: people can’t handle that brienne the way she is is a Good Person and The One True Knight In Westeros and it’s a sad thing but it just shows that maybe more people should go for that trope and that’s my two cents;

other than that no guy who can write the range of women grrm does can be a misogynist by definition, especially a guy who managed to get perfectly how it feels being a straight nonstandard attractive woman in society in general because my friends if before I stumbled into asoiaf I never related 100% to one fictional character ever there was a reason, and I read a lot, so people can bite me on that thing;

to end and comment on one thing: 

how the world is against Brienne, but she never does harm to the world

congrats to OP they went THAT close to it: that’s the entire fucking point. being like brienne in her society (and not performing femininity™ correctly in ours) means that whatever you do people will criticize you and treat you like dirt even if you don’t mean them any harm. the world is absolutely against her because all the circumstances are stacked against her - she’s a woman, doing a man’s job, looking nonattractive and therefore other women treat her like dirt and men don’t consider her or see her as a threat and hate her for it because she’s better at their job than they are, wanting to be a knight which is a thing that’s technically forbidden bc women can’t be anointed as far as the westerosi law says, who’s doing that because she knows she’s good at it but every single person in her way doesn’t want her to succeed except for a handful, can’t use femininity to navigate the world and she has to survive as a woman in a men’s world in an extremely misogynistic medieval society and there’s a reason why no one but three people takes her seriously, ie that if you don’t count a few people in f&b that are history book material in her context/timeframe she’s an unicum and people tend to dislike it when you’re an unicum/sticking out/wanting to go against the system. the system is absolutely stacked against her, when everything she wants is do good to others and making her father proud and be a knight and find love, and even if it’s not that much to ask for her it’s, on paper, impossible.... and the entire point is that as impossible as it looks she’s definitely going to get it because she’s written exactly for that, and if people haven’t grasped that it’s her arc - overcoming a misogynistic society and living beyond gender roles regardless of your looks which in itself is groundbreakingly feminist - sorry for them but they’ll have a bad wake up call when grrm gets wow/ados out.

and that’s my two cents, but like: there’s nothing wrong in liking characters With Faults or evil ones and you can find Good Ones boring, just don’t try to make it pass like the author is a misogynist because the Good Character is a nonstandard attractive gnc woman because that’s actually a thing no one else ever did.

and this stated brienne is more similar to book!sansa than book!arya personality-wise so it’s an argument that doesn’t hold on even joking. /two cents

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Consider if you will, Parent Losleep with kid Virgil and Patton

It has been CONSIDERED

damnit you’ve even started a bullet fic mysterious anon I have other stuff to do but also I love this idea thank you so much

When they got married Logan and Remy were more or less ‘nope. no kids.’ because Remy wasn’t responsible enough and Logan wasn’t sure he could offer the proper emotional balance

It’s been a few years since they got married when they’re in the city and Logan notices that after being roughly bumped into his pocket feels a touch too empty

His wallet’s gone but luckily Remy kept his eyes on the kid who ran into Logan so they follow after him

The kid’s wearing some ratty hoodie and he keeps glancing back at them as he runs, realizing he’s been discovered, and he eventually throws the wallet down, hoping to throw them

Logan grabs it quickly but they still follow because something’s up and they need to get to the bottom of it

The chase more or less ends when they end up in a dead-end alleyway, the thief kid stuffed in one of the corners and shaking and making choked noises while another kid is standing next to him and mumbling things in a calming tone

When calming kid realizes Lo and Rem are there he turns around and throws his arms out to block thief kid like ‘IF YOU WANT HIM YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ME FIRST’

Logan and Remy, realizing these are homeless kids trying to survive on their own: fuck we’re getting kids

It is

A LOT of effort to do this

Calming kid (Patton, they learn) is open to the idea but thief kid (Virgil) seems to think being adopted will be the end of them

Patton manages to convince him with something along the lines of ‘I promise I’ll get you out if anything goes wrong’ and that gives Lo and Rem the opposite of fuzzy feelings as to why these kids are homeless in the first place and increases their Need To Adopt

Skip the adopting process they’re a family now!

And it’s fucking awful in the beginning!

Virgil keeps smuggling things into his room, stockpiling food and supplies like he’s always prepared to run (which he is)

Logan and Remy give them separate rooms but every night they find Patton snuggled up with Virgil anyways

Logan questions it one day and Patton’s immediately almost in tears begging that he and Virgil won’t be forced to sleep separately, Virgil gets awful nightmares if he’s alone, please please please don’t keep us apart-

Logan and Remy are just CHILL PLS it’s okay!!!! stay together!!!! we’d never keep you apart why would you think that!!!!!

Patton: ‘our... our parents did that’

Logan and Remy: ‘did these parents have names not for murder purposes no not at all we just wanna talk’

Turns out Virgil and Patton’s parents... really sucked. They don’t give full details, and there wasn’t any physical abuse, but it was a mess, which is why Virgil and Patton eventually ran away

Logan and Remy are just: alright we’re getting you good childhood memories

It’s not the easiest thing in the world

Patton’s... so excited, so feeling, so full of love... in a way neither of his dads completely get. Remy’s better with him, able to react to his excitement with just as much of it, but Logan feels unattached to the sunshine ball, and he feels bad at that

Virgil’s more withdrawn and snarky. Remy’s good with him, too, but Logan’s closer to him, if only because Virgil’s deemed him calming. Remy’s excitement seems to put Virgil on edge, whereas Logan’s quiet way calms him, like Patton does, but in a different way

So at first, the family’s together, but disconnected. Halved, in a way.

It all comes more together after the following two occurrences:

Logan noticing Patton’s been acting off, smiles seeming a little fake and smaller, so he goes to talk to him, refusing to take Patton’s immediate answers of ‘I’m fine! just as always!’ and ‘school’s just been a little busier than usual heh’ until Patton’s smile is so fake it hurts and he’s more or less begging Logan to leave him alone with whatever his problem is

Logan refuses and he comes and sits next to Patton on the bed and awkwardly puts an arm around his shoulder (that’s how one offers comfort, right?) and askes him to tell him what’s wrong, he’s his dad, he just wants to help

Patton looks at him and apparently he sees something genuine in those slightly confused eyes because almost immediately he tears up and wraps his arms around Logan and murmurs incoherently into Logan’s side

Logan’s even more confused but he just tightens his grip and even wraps a second arm around him so it’s a true hug and just tells him in a calm, collected, simple tone that he’ll be alright, it’ll all be alright

Patton admits he’s been stressed about Virgil and school and worrying about what happens if they have to go back to the streets because he can’t do it again, can’t do the cold nights and rude strangers and risky steals

Logan feels something tighten in his chest at that idea, and the emotion in his voice isn’t much but it’s so much more than usual that it rings out when he promises Patton that will never happen again, ever, not as long as he and Remy are around, he knows that Patton and Virgil have had it hard but they’re okay now, they have a real home now, and they’re not going to lose that ever

Patton cries harder at that, but the tears are different, they’re tears of relief and pent up worry that finally has a hopeful answer, and Logan holds him through all of it, because that’s what dads do

They’re closer after that; Patton more appreciative of Logan’s calm and restrained emotions- Logan’s more understanding of Patton’s emotions

Virgil and Remy’s getting close is the opposite way around, in a sense-

Virgil’s been trying to hole up in his room for hours. He’s tired in the emotional way, just sort of numb, refusing to even ‘bother’ Patton with it

Logan’s not sure exactly how to help other than to let him deal with it

A few hours later Virgil’s still in his room and Remy decides to very lovingly fuck Logan’s idea

He comes into Virgil’s room, like ‘alright boi we’re getting you some coffee’

‘I don’t wanna go anywhere tho...’

‘you’re moping too much and it’s sad come on we’ll get yours with a bunch of chocolate mixed in it’ll be fabulous I promise’

Virgil doesn’t really have a choice so he goes along and Remy gets them coffees and Virgil admits his tastes a little nice and it’s warm and he feels a little more awake

He thinks they’ll go home or smth but Remy takes them to a park across the street from the café and sits them down on one of the benches and is basically ‘alright now we play the Logan Is Better game’

‘the... the what game?’

‘we comment about all these passerbyers and how cute they look but then remember we’re married to literally the best man- or in your case, adopted to- in the world so it doesn’t matter’

‘see’ Remy points out one dude going by ‘him? he’s got some very nice eyes. even from here you can see how sparkly green they are’

‘...okay?’

‘but they’re not Logan’s eyes; Logan’s deep blue eyes that look like ocean depths and they’ve got little grey flecks in them that don’t make since but they’re almost like silver and they’re framed by his stupid nerdy glasses that shake on his nose when I can make him laugh and-’

‘Remy that’s gay’ Virgil jokes, because he’s not ready to call anyone dad yet but it is funny, and he’s smiling, and the numb inside of him feels a little bit lesser as Remy just grins at him

‘good’ Remy responds, pointing out another dude  ‘your turn’

And Virgil’s uneasy because what if he does it wrong what if he picks wrong and Remy’s insulted and he gets him and Patton kicked out of their new shelter (and possible home)

So he more or less forces out, ‘he. uh. he looks serious like Logan? but- but uh, he isn’t like, like Logan’s serious, which is more attempting to be serious but not really, because Logan’s actually really nice????’

And it sounds fake and awful and stumbled and he hates it and Remy hates it and-

‘oh, nice one! psychoanalyzing them. neat. now do you see that dude over there he’s got a nice floof of hair but five bucks says it’s not as fluffy and fun to play with as Lo’s’

And they just... continue. Remy covers more than Virgil and he always agrees with the ones that Virgil does and slowly but surely Virgil feels better and better until he’s truly smiling

Remy finishes his drink and gets up and heads to go and Virgil’s shuffling a bit behind him and Remy’s just ‘what’s up hun’

Virgil ‘I uh... I just wanted to say...’ (softer) ‘thanks for today. it was... it was really nice’

Remy: ‘always happy to help’ and he says it lightly and half-jokingly like always but it’s also sincere and meaningful and nice and Virgil ducks his head to hide the shine of tears in the reality that maybe this is a good home and Remy just pretends he doesn’t notice them as they head home and he annoyingly and purposefully off-keyily sings along to all the songs

And now they’re closer, too!

There’s still problems- Remy and Logan are a great couple but slightly dysfunctional parents- but it’s alright, because they’re trying; they’re all trying, so much, to be a family, and at the end of the day, maybe that’s all that matters

Also bonus that I thought of but doesn’t fit in the story:

Patton/Virgil talking about how emotionless Logan is around Remy

Not in the bad way, just the observational way

And Remy’s just ‘babes he is as emotionless as a drama student he’s just good at faking it’

Virgil/Patton are like ‘are you sure tho’

Remy ‘alright bet’

And Logan wanders into the room a bit later and Remy’s immediately up and standing next to him and Logan’s just ‘??? did something happen while I was away???’

Remy: ‘only the utter crime of me not being able to see your gorgeous face’

Logan, turning red at an alarming rate: !!!

Remy just keeps complimenting him tho until Logan is all but a puddle in Remy’s arms and Lo’s just ‘pls pls Remy stop you’re embarrassing me in front of the kids’ and Remy’s just

*while pressing light little kisses all over Logan’s face* ‘shhhh we’re cute’

aka this scene is just Remy Proves Logan Has Emotions By Flustering Him because Logan deserves to be flustered godsdamnit

Tagging @sign-from-god-complex and @blinksinbewilderment (even if the latter is sleebing right now) because Losleep

[thezeekrecord]

hi im waiting for pain meds to kick in before i continue sleeping so im gonna sit here and talk about the intents behind character arcs in good afternoon good evening and goodnight ok i try not to talk about it like this Too much but hey it's fanfiction why not

so like. essentially the big overarching theme was obv supposed to be the subjectivity of reality and what it meant for themselves and their relationships

for gordon especially the game meant a lot about who he is/who he gets to be or wants to be, the idea of being a player character and second guessing your own intent was something i was excited to write as i was first starting to plan this fic out. i wanted him to struggle a Lot retroactively with reality when it felt like everyone else had long since accepted it had been a game, and ultimately that was supposed to play into his relationship with benry a lot. also obviously a huge thing for him was Trauma, we all love a good gordon freeman trauma hurt/comfort moment right? i wanted to write sort of a backwards progression for him when they were in hl2, like i tried to reverse the script a little between gordon and benry where he just. he was doing his best contrary to what happened with benry and was Worried because that's very gordon, but him just laughing thru a lot of shit and not taking it entirely seriously like he should, not even paying attention to how bad he needed a break because Well It’s Not Real Right? meanwhile benry.....well i gotta back up for him for a bit

benry i feel like i struggled a bit with, i wish id written him Slightly different in the beginning at least but ehh. idk there's a lot of content out there for benry that i feel like skips over the idea that he hurt everyone (im Not getting into disc horse over this even though i have a lot of thoughts about it) but it was important to me to write an arc of him really trying to reach out? i think ppl fall into the trap of putting "gordon has to understand benry" before "benry has to make an effort to be understood". i think it's easier to project and say you want the others to put in that effort on his behalf, but the truth is i think that effort has to be very mutual! i liked writing an arc for him where he doesn't even understand himself very well and had to give his relationships time. i wish id had more time for it, but trying to juggle so many character arcs was Really tough lol. but regarding my choice w/the hl2 part, i do wish id had the opportunity to have him there More, i entertained the idea of him being powerless but with gordon the whole time or smth, but plotwise it just wasn't working out And it felt relevant for him to have that whole experience with the nihilanth. i wanted him to have the reverse experience to gordon was having, suddenly realizing there were actual consequences and he could die, essentially living out what gordon felt was his experience in hl1 fighting benry even if ultimately things would have been ok, bc he didn’t Know or register that at the time?

Whoa 2 Paragraphs For Benry anyway after that, even tho i took his powers away temporarily for adding context to the others' perceived experience and fpr worldbuilding/adding stakes to the situation, i don't really like story arcs for redeeming characters where their arc is represented by having powers taken away Permanently. like "its ok guys i just literally can't do it anymore so i won't" u know?? it doesn't feel like Enough. i wanted to show something where he took back his powers and what made him who he was and used it for Good. i think that rounds things out a little better? it was important that everyone, especially gordon, got to see him taking back the powers he used to attack them in the game and using them to protect them instead. it was a part of his identity, being like Not Human, and played v importantly into his relationship with tommy

with tommy i feel like. ok with everyone in gagegn i feel like i was deliberately mischaracterizing a bit for the sake of the story because My City Now, but i think tommy got hit pretty hard ajchdjshg i just wanted a very particular arc from him....so he was Very serious and i wish id worked in more moments where he got to be like, comedically just super wrong about something or just generally silly but Oh Well. anyway tommy's experience with knowing it's not real was very much implied to be a lifelong struggle and i was Heavily projecting, like, i love the unreality elements in hlvrai because [dissociates and gets delusions about nothing being real] and i just wanted to leave it implied he's always had a hard time with feeling like he Knows it's not real, and still just. Keeps Chugging Along bc what else can u do? also this is a very particular thing but i feel like with psychotic characters in media there's always a question of "but what if....the whole thing isn't real....." but i wanted to write an arc for a character where delusions Prepared them for something in a sense? i could go on for a whole other post about the dsm and psychosis representation etc etc but he was just. Prepared for knowing it wasn't real. my experience i projected heavily onto the story was acceptance of such a weird, abstract concept, and just trying to have a fulfilling life/relationships anyway because what would trying to unravel it all just for the sake of it do?

and that plays into how i wrote gman as essentially a foil to tommy, but im almost done with a ""post-canon"" fic about him so i won't say much on that (i think the fic caters to only me specifically maybe but i'll still post it ajfjsfh) but regarding tommy's whole thing with g-man, it was Very intentional for things to feel sort of unresolved and for him to still second guess himself. it was important to me that way idk, i feel like that's more true to life?

i WISH i had more time and ideas for darnold though.... he's another case of my projecting definitely, and i actually almost had Him go into nova prospekt with alyx instead of gordon and reappear at exactly the right moment for dramatic effect, but i wanted an arc for him where he discovered he wanted more than anything else to be with the science team and to have him disappear kinda contradicted that :/

im running out of steam to keep typing this. well with dr coomer i feel like that was another wild thing that was me projecting again ajdjajfjd i just love a good fantasy DID/OSDD situation (NEVER SEES THIS FOR REAL) and i wanted a little extra flavor with the clones to sort of mirror bubby's struggles

and with bubby. like ok with the prototypes and vortigaunt friend, i had the idea maybe a prototype survived the resonance cascade and had been hiding that whole time and bubby actually finds and rescues him? but that felt too weird and complicated for everything else going on so i threw in a vortigaunt as an emotional standin for him. the reason i wrote bubby resentful to his prototypes at first is one of those things i only introduced to represent part of his story arc and not necessarily a headcanon, i love the idea he considers them family and likes them for the most part! it was just something to slowly represent him growing past black mesa without just Saying it

it's like 5am. lastly.....the player......just like gman was to tommy, i did my best to write the player as almost an opposite to gordon even if i tried to make them as similar as possible. something i rarely see is exploring how complicated i feel like it would Actually make things to have a player, outside your game, trying to be your friend? i understand why ppl don't go this route and i didn't go too hard on it, but i mean, he's this guy who has control over your world and is living outside of it, and views all your life hardships as trivial in comparison to his own? i wanted to represent this in only small ways, because i thought it made sense to show him genuinely making an effort, but in moments like when he was talking to benry and when he talked to gordon, i wanted to show him just. Trying but still not taking it as seriously as he should, he gets Mad but he's treating it like a video game still! it's a power imbalance, and if nobody else was going to explore that then i would afhjchkg

my choice getting back to tommy and benry at the end.... maybe i wrote it a little angstier than i should have but that's something I'm glad i ran with, i was nervous ppl wouldn't like it but. having that flash forward was important for tommy especially after he fought with gman about like, the significance of short lives. he still had benry who i think i could have tried to show being a lot happier to be there to drive the point home, he's just kinda deadpan and maintained him that way but genuinely i wanted him to be happy to explore space with tommy! they had a weird beginning to their friendship, and solidarity of being partly aliens in their own regards, and they were out there finally exploring those aspects of themselves, PLUS

they were very literally just. freely exploring their reality. they got to do Anything without it having to be established by the player! that was supposed to be something Good, they were happy to have that freedom and liked seeing new things with each other that even the player probably never dreamed of. it's Their World, they can do and see anything, even their goal of finding an equivalent of where gman could have come from was kinda just something to slowly work towards to keep them going in some vague direction. the primary goal was to just have a good time

anyway this story was the longest thing ive ever written in my life idk what came over me lol

[kingsofneon]

ayyy its me coming in here!!! i have no requests off the bat but uhhhh ok ok hear me out. acesabo but with like. a finger kink or something? like, long pretty fingers fingering the hell out of each other or just sensually sucking on it, idk, i'll let you decide. OR, more expansion on robinkoalasabo, blease?

look okay look im just. vibing with sabo/ace rn so i gotta talk abt them but real quick i love argumentative best friend/enemy / qpp koala/sabo and both of them liking robin, LMAO !!!!! bitch!!! that shit’s hilarious. robin i think would be uhh....unused to such honest attraction? yah sabo’s a lying liar but there’s a difference in his...sarcasm vs his “I’m telling a lie so you don’t know the truth I dont want to tell you”, is what i think. so idk in what i set up i guess we have ko/ro first and Kinda girlfriends (im.....ded for fro/bin tho soz so absoLUTE we have not-yet-together-kinda-feelings-but-complicated-bc-trauma robin/franky + bc theyre not together the...flattery + enjoyment of koala’s personality and company...) friends w/ benefits didn’t-really-date but like each other a lot. and koala so sunny and happy buuut also spending Lots of time with robin - just hanging out but also sexy fun times - and sabo’s like “no I’m not sulking shut the fuck up” (but he’s totally sulking because he Liked robin too, she was someone he respected highly and she! knows! luffy! he doesn’t say anything to her about it bc he’s guilty as fuck but. boii wants those strawhat stories and he can’t sneak them out of her with koala taking up all of her attention.) 

koala picks up on his grumpy mood but just figures he’s being a dick abt smth, but robin��s like nah look, pattern, and koala’s like oh. OH? 

idk what they do but w/e we be vibing with nsfw, which is sabo’s. sabo’s fucking fingers man. the tensile strength. BUT ALSO he’s not very delicate, not very good with flexibility, so robin,,ho fuck boi. when against koala the dichotomy of the roughness vs that clever stroking, but then also bRO im thinking about sabo viewing masturbation etc. pretty clinically and also Be Careful Of Strength, ain’t gotta lot of time to jerk off when you’re running the revolution u know.

so like the first time robin tops im fucking laughing. koala’s probably just as rough/efficient as he is but robin...robin can unlace him in like a minute flat and figures out real quick that sabo likes being edged. the first time robin touches his prostrate..........boi. 

anyway omfg that was longer than i thought so hand kink + sabo/ace

FIRST 

if you haven’t read.......second chances (https://archiveofourown.org/works/15495015?view_full_work=true).........what are you doing. look at this shit:

“You want to watch me jerk it like this?” The buckle rattled with Ace's gesturing, and Sabo's eyes immediately fixated darkly on the belt. “Then I uh, I get to make a weird request too.”

“If you must,” Sabo replied, sounding the exact opposite of beleaguered as he discretely wiped the spit off his palm. Ace cleared his throat.

“Put on your gloves.”

Ace refused, refused to look away from the devious delight spreading across Sabo's stupid face.

“Oh Ace,” he purred, those damn fucking gloves appearing in his hands out of nowhere (did he have them tucked in his pockets this entire time?). With deliberate motions, Sabo smoothed the leather over every finger, and flexed, like he was about to whip out one of his ryusoken moves. “Are you sure you just want me to jerk off in these?”

“Well if you've got any lube tucked away,” Ace shot back, “now's the time to pull it out, put on a good show.”

Sabo's consequent exhale was nowhere near the flippant-and-suave chuckle he had clearly been aiming for. Smugly, Ace counted a point in his own favor before dropping onto his back and finally—finally—undoing his pants. As his own belt fell with heavy thumps to both sides, Ace brushed aside all the pesky cloth, and applied pressure in earnest with a sigh of pleasure.

and this

And boy was it a view. The gloves were incredibly well-worn, molded so tightly to Sabo that Ace could see the full articulation of his fingers' every curve, every bend. The buttery leather, lighter in color at the fingertips, glided over Sabo with the barest whisper of friction. Ace could see his grip change, pressure shifting as he held himself tighter and tighter, grunting in frustration.

“Can I take these off?” Sabo finally requested with a hint of a whine. Ace suddenly thought of Marco, and how he might smirk at that tone, if he was here. “It's not working for me.”

“It's working fine for me,” Ace did his best to leer, thoroughly enjoying his own bare hand's capacity for friction. Sabo made another sound of protest, and Ace gave in with a snort. “Fine. Just one hand.”

“It's all I need.” The right glove disappeared as fast as it came, and Sabo arched high and satisfied into his own hand, now skin-to-skin. He obligingly let the gloved hand remain in play though, skimming teasingly up and down, grinning sharply at Ace's open mouth. “Hey,” he ordered, “go faster.”

AND THIS!

“Anything you want,” was Ace's breathless answer. He didn't stop, even sped up, gripping hard and fast and chasing that finale. “You can have it from me.”

“I would chain you down,” Sabo snarled, practically a threat, only the blade was turned wholly inward toward himself. Like he was daring Ace to give him absolution. “I would bend you 'til you're ready to break, and keep you there for hours. I would make you beg for release, but deny you anyways. I would see your skin dark with my bruises, I would, I would—”

Ace's hands twisted hard against his binds, wanting genuinely to be free of them for the first time since they started this—and Sabo's reaction was instantaneous. A flex of haki into his fingers, and Sabo was slicing through the leather of his belt, letting Ace loose with an expression of terror.

And Ace dragged himself across the bed until he could cup Sabo's cheek in his clean palm and pull Sabo into a biting, filthy kiss. He was still hard as sin, and thrust forward into Sabo's hands to let him know—

“Anything,” he panted into Sabo's mouth, meaning it with every fiber of his being. He didn't mean for Sabo to cut open the belt; he had just wanted, so badly, to feel Sabo's touch. “You have me.”

bitch. bitch. 

idk just gonna write some prompts bc this looks long

sabo + jerking ace off while wearing his gloves + barely washing them (to ace’s embarrassment) bc he claims he likes having evidence of ace. they’re usually kept for when he’s at home tho, sabo’s gross but not that gross ;p (and ace would probably die LMAO)

 SORRY BUT THE POST I JUST REBLOGGED ABT HOLDING YOUR THUMB DOWN TO HAVE NO GAG REFLEX UM. Ace says he wants to try it but it feels weird so sabo’s like. ;) okay and runs his fingers over ace’s mouth, tapping and instructing him to hold his thumb down. tracing his teeth and teasingly not dipping his fingers down low enough, till ace glares at tries to argue smth like “this is not testing the trick” but that’s when sabo presses on his tongue, down his throat, and ace half-chokes on it. sabo just like ‘not like you have much of a gag reflex anyway’

was thinking abt this the other day but ace doing sabo’s nails and then being like dont ruin them! no touching until they’re dry but sabo’s like but idk when they’ll be dry???? bc he’s never used nail polish before and ace is like :) better not touch then as he teases sabo

ace ofc painted them gold and red bc theyre His Colours and the next day when they’re dry and pretty sabo spends ages running his hands against ace’s skin, fascinated and worshipping of how pretty ace is

before they started dating and when they were bad at handling alcohol, sabo kissing ace’s knuckles made that boi CATATONIC, his wrist would also make ace bolt bc Horny, he’s fucked when sabo kisses his wrist it’s just too...intimate. 

 headcanons, headcanons, they’re both pretty calloused in different ways...ace is like rope burns and shit, longer across his palm and knuckles, sabo has palm base bc of his pipe, but they’re confined, and then on his fingertips bc of dragon claw. AGAIN thinking about mr fast fuck brutality here like the STRENGTH in that boy’s hands wtf

ace’s hands have more scars, sabo has more callouses/micro-deposits bc he knows hand to hand/doesn’t start with a DF. 

idk where im going with that last one guess it’s just headcanons abt hands.  

that’s all fox, i like the number eight and i have so many other asks to do lmao

[excorcismic]

uhm . . . cheesed to meet you ?? - HI GANG !! what’s up , i’m hylia and i . . . love . misa and death note with my entire heart . I KNOW FOR A FACT i will probably pick up more characters along the way but i couldn’t have picked a better one to start out with !! i have experience writing both misa & light - i actually am more experienced writing light than misa , but i still have a lot of experience with her under my belt !! i’m currently writing him in another group and when i saw duality i just HAD to write her here - i’m so excited to plot w/ y’all !! so lemme tell you the basic facts & some connections and ideas i have under the cut c: ( this got long i’m so sorry )

ooooooooooooo you wanna plot with misa so bad oooooooo - AHEM . so . 

IF YOU ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH DEATH NOTE / MISA : death note is a manga / anime revolving around a smart young man ( light yagami ) who discovers a supernatural notebook who can take the life of any human as long as the writer knows their name & face . light uses this book to essentially try and purge the world of evil , earning the alias ‘kira’ ( who gains a following ) , and misa , who acquires a death note of her own , seeks him out as the second kira . she possesses things that he doesn’t , so essentially she becomes his partner in crime - she , falling in love with him ( or more so the idea of him she created for herself ) , and he , entertaining her fantasies in exchange for her abilities and assistance . it’s . . . way more complicated in detail and honestly pretty sad but that’s the getgo . she’s a pretty girl with a very powerful notebook and she likes a guy with a powerful notebook that sees her more as a tool he can use to further his plans . OH OH OH and also she has a protective monster lady who’s in love with her and looking after her and threatening to clap light if he hurts misa in any way . 

death note . . . is a story about how people who were good can become awful towards other people and themselves if you give them a bit of power . 

BUT ANYWAY . misa actually has a much happier life here than in death note !! it’s . . . still kinda eh in some places but overall much better since that godforsaken notebook doesn’t exist and isn't here to screw anyone's lives up .

she's a former child actor, now a musician in a pop punk band called 'your friends & the skeletons!!' but as of rn with her taking a break from big performances and touring she's just a streamer operatin' out of alucard and trying to entertain herself since sometimes the world gets a little too big for her and she needs to take a step back.

it’s a pretty cute life & that’s the rundown !! of course , it’ll be more detailed and developed in my intro for her , but that being said - CONNECTIONS .

OHHHH YOU WANNA PLOT OUT THESE WANTED CONNECTIONS / PLOTS WITH ME SO BAD OOOOOOHHH AND OHHHH YOU WANNA LIKE THIS POST FOR ME TO DM YOU FOR PLOTTING SO BAD OHHHHHHHHH

okay so obviously some band mates !! YF&TS i imagine is a four-piece with misa on rhythm guitar & vocals , then lead guitar , bass , and drums . i imagine they’re all friends with misa , but maybe one person has been friends with misa since like . . . forever . and has seen her go through literally everything .

so , misa lives alone . maybe i’ll have her look for a roommate along the way but as for right now , even though she lives by herself ( and honestly is a lil lonely ) , i really like the idea that maybe she’s the helper neighbor that wants to befriend everyone that lives on her floor , runs to get groceries , always visits and checks in on people , etc . !! so neighbor friends pretty please !!

obviously if u wanna make ppl be fans of misa & her band that is a-okay with me just pls keep in mind they’re kinda big but not . . . big big . like they’ve got some dedicated fans but not full on stans y’know

SO  . . . folds hands . i kinda like the idea that misa hasn’t been through that many serious relationships ( always gets her heart broken through them ) but maybe there was that one serious ex-partner she had and they broke it off for whatever reason . it’d have to be when she was 18-20 and they’d be together for maybe about two or three years before her career takes off and stuff and yeah it’d be the saaaad relationship that fizzled out even tho it was serious for a bit

also some not so serious/long relationships where misa got her heart broken !! fun times !! misa throws her full heart into things way too easily so this could’ve happened in many different ways . flings ?? check . short-term relationships ?? check . she wrote a letter for someone on a starbucks napkin asking them out and they rejected so whenever she comes into said starbucks she feels shy & awkward ordering something ?? check . ( we can have fun with this basically it’s ‘ misa tried it with y/m and it didn’t work out and she’s still lonely ’ )

friends please !! friends that misa’s made in alucard !! also friends with benefits maybe !! idk !! misa is a very friendly person she will be your friend if you say ‘hi’ in a positive tone towards her !!

oh i think it’d b rly funny if there was one person misa kept trying to befriend and they’re just rly stubborn abt it for some reason bc idk maybe they find misa annoying or something anyway give me sb who misa wants to be friendly with n they’re just No abt it for whatever reason

ONE OF THE THINGS I HAVE FOR MISA AS A STREAMER IS THAT SHE’S RLY INTO THE PARANORMAL AND RECORDS STUFF WITH IT SO PARANORMAL GHOST ADVENTURES PALS PLEASE !!

she’s also a gaming streamer so imagine she gets into a fight with sb behind a screen on a game and/or stream and then finds them in alucard like ‘oh fuck’ aka cyber enemies

also the exact opposite scenario with cyber friends aka misa makes a friend on a game and they meet each other irl and it’s cute !!

misa . . . is not a huge party girl but i imagine she has ppl that regularly invite her to parties and stuff so there’s that . but like . she only knows these people in context of partying - they’re her party friends and that’s it and her relationships with them are just kinda shallow .

i’d ALSO like a friend she makes that’s maybe a little more sheltered & naive to the world than she is so she just takes them to cool places and stuff !! shows them what it’s like to live on the ‘ wild side ’ !! whether it’s driving to a 24 hr gas station for candy and snacks in the middle of the night and staying out until sunrise just on the road or just sitting at misa’s apartment and watching true crime documentaries in their jammies . just sb misa’s gonna take like ‘ hey we’re gonna show u what LIVING is like ’

actual shipping . . . i would love to explore at a point but i wanna explore other things first so that’ll just be smth that comes up in development maybe !! i want misa to get a chance to experience what actual love is and explore the relationship aspect of it so i’m open to it but also i just wanna develop it n let it come naturally . filled !

ANYWAYS . i’m open to rly anything !! enemies ?? friends ?? frenemies ?? friends or enemies with benefits ?? unrequited crushes ?? exes ?? found family ?? party pals ?? streamer pals/enemies ?? LET’S PLOT IT OUT I’M SO EXCITED

sorry this is a long as hell list anyways let’s plot out some relationships even tho i’m bad at plotting and trust me the intro is. probs gonna be even longer. i am so sorry.

ANYWAYS ILY ALL IM SO EXCITED TO WRITE/PLOT W/ U GUYS

- - - - - - - - - - - POST-EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT EDIT : okay so this one is rly specific but , , , i rly would like if maybe misa had sb to go to the cirque du eradicus with ?? probably as a date !! a date that doesn’t have to amount to anything but they’re gonna b the one who witnesses misa go into the hall of mirrors n it’s gonna be kind of like a connection since they’re gonna have been together when that stuff happens and it could be rly fun to work with in the future . just gonna put the age limit for this one at 22 - 26 just bc gaps and all !! i think it could be cute if it goes well or interesting if it doesn’t but . yeah idk they can split off at some point for other threads bt ANYWAYS I JUST THINK IT’D B FUN filled !

also if anyone wants to bring me anyone from death note i will kiss u ESPECIALLY for light , l , rem , or matsuda . pls . maybe these characters can ACTUALLY get a normal fuckin’ life this time around - ( sometimes we just want to live in the yotsuba arc forever where everyone’s runnin around solvin mysteries and not scheming against each other - )

death note hits differently .