#i just really wish i never had to interact with that person | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

east-polaris · 3 days

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Some thoughts on the last few Magnus Protocol episodes as I’ve just now gotten caught up

SPOILERS!! Obvi

- feels rather cruel to have Alice be shaken up by her experience with The Horrors and worried that she’s going to get hurt by interacting with them and then give her a statement about someone who was shaken up by their experience with The Horrors and then died because of their interaction with them

- also return and voice of Ink5oul! Hey girlie!

- the fact that Madame E’s last video was just titled “help” made me giggle at first but then o thought about it more and. This is a person who uses excessive words on everything she says. Her vocabulary is loaded with filler and slang, so for this video to just have a one word title? Yeah you know shits about to go down

-Gwen girlie I hate to agree with Lena but they are Calle externals for a reason

- I am so curious about what’s going on with Celia. Like did she just wake up on a railroad track like an old times super villain put her there?

- And where does Celia keep disappearing to? She missed her date with Sam, she had to run out on her child, what’s going on?

- The statement in 17 is wild I was so confused at the beginning and I’ll be honest I’m still not sure what was happening there

- I know for a fact that people have pointed this out already but Jon and Martin?? In the therapy waiting room? Little Jon and Martin as a treat?? I hope it was them god knows they need the therapy

- MAGNUS INSTITUTE MENTION 🚨‼️🚨‼️

- this statement reminds me of when Jon said man I wish we had that guy who could take peoples bones out and Melanie said you’ll never guess who were keeping in the basement

- shout out to that housekeeper for getting the hell out of there I respect her for that

- making eye contact while falling down the stairs and breaking all your bones sounds very impressive and also hilarious someone please animate that

- CELIA HELLO??? Is this conformation that she’s from the other dimension??

- haha jmj error

- also WHAT JMJ ERROR

- I like to imagine that a jmj error happens when Jon Martin and Jonah are arguing about which case to give them

- “no Jonah you can’t give her that one that’s way too similar to what she went through she’ll freak out” “exactly we can watch her fear” “no you elitist prick that’s so rude cut it out or I’ll kill you again”

- why is Celia saying she’s seen Colin?

- Teddy is being so suspicious why is he saying everything like he’s looking from side to side shiftily the whole time

- Lena you can’t call a child an it that’s rude

- unless she knows something that we don’t…

- can’t believe they started to open up to each other and it went horribly wrong

- I don’t think we’ve ever heard Sam like that before, like I couldn’t tell who it was for a second

- actually, i couldn’t confidently tell you that we’ve ever heard someone laugh that hard in the entire podcast

- can you really blame him though? “Monsters are working for our government organization and one of them is Barney.” Wild.

-I do hope he apologizes though cause that wasn’t really cool of him

- Also is that our first f-bomb of the season?

- GEORGIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

- I think that Georgie might also be from the other dimension. Why else would she be so concerned about the government stalking her? That does beg the question, where is Melanie?

Thank you for listening to me ramble I had a lot on my brain

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp 16 #tmagp 17 #tmagp 18 #alice dyer #samama khalid #tmagp spoilers

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katyspersonal · 10 months

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Still really hurts how I am chronically unable to read fanfics unless the author either never interacts with the fandom (so they feel "unattainable") or they are trustworthy and loyal to me so I can be 101% sure they won't ditch me. Because for me reading fanfics is something extremely intimate and important, even more than fanart (says a visual artist :/). I don't just gobble the "content", but good fanfics can shape my experience with characters and my vision of them, inspire me, even heal me. As someone who is chronically incapable of being good with words in both of the languages I know, I adore good writing. That's why it is so important that the author feels "safe".

And after like, years of gathering enough courage and trust to read the fanfic about my favorite BB boys of ALL characters, about my favorite topic of ALL things, tailored perfectly forcmy tastes I had to get crashed BY the author in the way I still can't recover from. I just wish it was literally anyone else, because that stuff legit made me hate Edgar for some time (it is good now), and it hurts to never get to learn how the story progressed. Because I just can't still read a fanfic from someone who hurt me in a way so twisted that not even Mx Harrasser and Mrs Ableist could've deviced something THAT vile.

I will never read a fanfic again, unless the author swears their fucking blood and soul that they are SAFE person to approach. I am dead serious. When I get pulled away from an artist whose drawings resonated with me, I could still despair enough to check the stuff in secret once in like, 6 months and "just right-click and save", but writing is different.

#/vent #fandomry rambles #vagueblogging #creativity #why oh why it had to be those two characters SPECIFICALLY #i know i sound overly dramatic yes #youd expect a mediocre artist that cant write and doesnt know cool music to-#-have far less taste and appreciation for art but i am really sensitive about it #i just really wish i never had to interact with that person #wish i did not even start to read that fanfic #i guess it is just a kinda crying type of day isnt it...

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myimaginationplain · 22 days

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imagine: professor utonium mentoring dexter vs professor membrane mentoring mandark

#dexter & mandark are the only two kids in their district to qualify for some young scholar program & arr bussed off to take classes from #their assigned mentor once or twice a week.#dexter is at odds with himself about it at first. on one hand he's glad that his intelligence is finally being appreciated & nurtured in #some official capacity. let alone by a mind as lauded as the creator of the powerpuff girls. but on the other hand he would prefer to just #move on up to taking college courses entirely rather than have to go through this half measure. & he also gets a little disillusioned with #utonium when he realizes 1) that pretty much everything utonium is famous for was invented by accident including the ppg #& 2) outside of the ppg utonium hasn't achieved much more than dexter himself already has #meanwhile mandark practically kisses the ground that membrane walks on because he's so glad someone in his life recognize's his potential #& membrane sort of sees mandark as the son he wishes dib could be. he's never very open or affectionate about it though because y'know.#it's membrane #he never talks about his kids & sees them so rarely that mandark didn't even realize he had children of his own until like 3½ months into it #whereas utonium cannot shut up about his girls. nor would dexter want him to since they seem to be the most interesting thing about the man #utonium realizes pretty quickly that dexter doesn't need academic guidance so much as he needs social interaction with 1) people who won't #bully or belittle him for being who he is & 2) children his own age. so he starts subtlety encouraging his daughters to meet & befriend him.#I imagine that they come to visit him during his office hours regularly anyways so this happens pretty naturally.#also I think that even though utonium & membrane would definitely respect one another & collaborate well in a professional sense they don't #really mesh personality wise. utonium finds membrane to be far too cold & callous.#membrane thinks that utonium is basically a baby man who doesn't hold himself the way an accomplished man of science should.#ppg #powerpuff girls #the powerpuff girls #dexter's laboratory #dexter's lab #invader zim #headcanon #au #professor utonium #professor membrane #dexter mcpherson #(why is that his fanon last name again? where did that come from)

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white-weasel · 10 months

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I love comics but by god sometimes the dialogue is the most on the nose shit I’ve ever read ahdkahdks

#this is about knight terrors: Robin which I just read lmao #like…. it was fine but man did so much of what everyone was saying is so cheesy but not in a fun way #in a ‘I’m supposed to be taking this seriously for the angst factor’ way #but I can’t because of how it’s being said #maybe it’s just me but I can never handle dialogue that’s like ‘you’re useless. you’re just getting in our way.’#because I never find it to be written in a way that like… actually sounds believable that someone would say it like that #and that another person would believe it. maybe that’s just me though #and this book had that whole exchange and I’m like… idk ahaha #I’ll still buy book 2 when it comes out but like damn I was really hoping this would be better #the Tim and Jason dialogue was okay but I did like the little bit of Babs interactions we saw at the beginning #also the art was pretty solid and I liked seeing Tim’s nightmare be the captain boomerang incident which then extended to his other family #I guess I just wish there was more internal thought boxes rather than thjngs said out loud idk #white weasel talks

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solvicrafts · 4 months

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I'm terrible at remembering Hellenic holidays and legit didn't even realize Theogamia was coming up until today, which honestly explains so much

#hellenic polytheism #Zeus is one of the few deities I really haven't had much interaction with and tbh one of the reasons #is because I still have some lingering religious trauma that is too personal to talk about here #tbf Zeus himself never did anything to me. it's actually much more strongly related to some followers of his from my later childhood #from back when I was just starting out. so I've kept up a bit of an emotional barrier between us this whole time #and finally broke it down this week after he reached out to me #I feel a tad guilty now that I decided to start my Theoi plush line with Artemis since I already had most of the supplies #but I plan on covering all of the gods including Zeus #I just can't afford to make ALL of them right now #I wish people in the pagan community didn't interpret myths so literally and come away from them with the absolute worst interpretations #of the gods. I guess this falls into UPG territory but Zeus is actually really patient and chill #he's the one god out of the entire pantheon that I've been consciously avoiding and trying not to be noticed by due to that past trauma #and he's actually been extremely understanding and forgiving of me for that

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pepprs · 1 year

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ok actually yeah. i really need to do dishes and go to bed and not stay up late mentalillnessposting a little too viscerally on tumblr the night before i facilitate a workshop in front of the literal president of the university and the vp of my division (LOL about that btw. actively shitting my pants.) but oh my GOD. so saying goodbye to lia was actually fine in the moment. neither of us cried and we talked about all the ways we’ll still be in each others lives and reasons we’ll have to interact in the near future. and she gave me an extremely heartfelt thoughtful gift and we left on a very hopeful note and i felt better and content bc there’s still the rest-of-life and we’ll see each other there. but like an hour before that as i mentioned i was HYSTERICALLY sobbing. in full view of people i know AND people i don’t. and i just sat there and sobbed while everything carried on around me. everything carried on around me!!! and i feel like im about to sob again thinking about it.

#purrs #delete later #idk. i typed a bunch here and then deleted it and now idk what to say. i just feel so lonely. i have had fucked up relationships with every #single older adult in my life and never had someone who could a) stay in my life b) be consistently present in my life c) meet my emotional #needs d) actually See me and accept me for who i am. Like not one person who can be all four of those things. and i have to be all four of t #those things for myself now because im 24 and i missed my chance. but how fucking shitty and painful is that? especially after a year like t #this. the way it’s literally ending the SAME way last year did. huge scary promotion (which i haven’t even talked about on here or to anyone #but lia today actually. but it might be huger and scarier than i thought. which is good but also HUGE -‘d scary. and not a bad thing of bc o #course but it’s so fucking… perilous? like it makes me feel profoundly imperiled because i have extremely good reason to feel that way. and #i have to endure the mortifying ordeal of applying for my own job AGAIN after the first time was so horrible. lol) and also losing a beloved #mentor figure who understood me in a way no one else did which mattered immensely even if they couldn’t do the whole presence thing or #whatever. and now i only have one older adult in my life left (aside from my therapist who doesn’t really count bc i only see her once a #week and we barely know each other still) who is like. here and helping me and i KNOW i am so sick in the head i KNOW and i should not be #writing it but every single day i am fucking terrified that i am being or will be separated from him emotionally or physically jsut like all #the others so. LOL!!!!! i am normal and well adjusted. but it’s like so fucking painful because im grasping at straws but again the reality #is im 24 and the only people on this earth who it is fair for me to expect all 4 from and who should’ve provided it to me are my parents.#and i missed my chance with them forever and now i have to do it myself. and that’s ok sometimes and i can handle it… except in the moments #where im sobbing hysterically and everything carries on. when i am in my darkest moments i want to run to an older adult and have them #comfort me but i truly cannot do that with any of the ones i still have left / regularly interact with for so many reasons. and it’s so #painful it makes me sick sometimes. and now i have to be the romy and the lia i wish to see in this world. but how can i do that when i #haven’t finished grieving over them leaving which feels like leaving ME — NOW — in this moment when i have never needed more support of that #kind more. how can isummon it within myself. im not ready yet. i need a long hug and a hand to hold that won’t (have to) let go. when im #crying i need someone to take me somewhere and comfort me and calm me down. and im 24 so i can’t ask for it. but oh my god i need it. and i #missed my chance. and lia left today and she only ever did that for me metaphorically but… tonight i feel more alone than ever.#and it’s like i don’t even have the emotional intelligence or whatever to ASK for that. bc im playing by ear and i don’t know how to read #the music of it. im self taught. that fucking sucks. that SUCKSSS. also that’s too strong a way to put it liek obviously my friends who are #closer to my age are INTEGRAL to me being able to function and i learn from them and cherish their support. but just like i can’t be a mom #to me my friends can’t either. so it’s like what the fuck do i do. get steamrolled by relentless grief and rage every day i guess.#also side note. everything carried on when i was in brighton too. i came home early ofc but it’s like nothing changed in my absence. and #that has fucked me up SUPREMELY. i think that might be a root of it. like hm… it seems my presence doesn’t have impacts. but idk

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farmerlesbian · 1 year

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i have been enjoying the asks y’all have sent in lately! it usually takes me a couple days to a couple weeks to answer asks so i hope y’all anons who send em in do eventually see the answer when i post it. i really do hope you find it helpful!

#mod alfalfa #farmer lesbian #the wife was asking me about if the black gnc person saw the post and if they found it helpful #and i had to explain well it’s anonymous so i’ll never really know if they even see it.. but i hope they do #i just put it out there and hope they see the post #maybe it’ll help someone else #i just like doing it #i guess i like giving advice and being supportive #it’s hard over anon and the internet #where we can’t have a conversation like have a back n forth #i’m always wanting to ask questions but it doesn’t really work haha 😅#y’all don’t tend to respond back !#wish u would!! i genuinely mean it i would love if there was more interaction more forum-like conversation #y’all are always welcome to interact and add your own thoughts to any ask

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emypony · 6 months

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#damn babygirl i wish people checked up on me more #this self conscious catgirl is so tired #sometimes i WISH people just came into my dms to ask me if im ok #i do it constantly to others because i hope theyre not as sad as i am feeling in that moment #genuinely afraid to have made someone feel bad and drive them away from me #and omg i feel nyself running thin again just bc im afraid to lose the interactions we have altogether because i cant process certain media #in a healthy way whatsoever and i get super hung up on thinfs that really dont matter that much in the end #YEAH IM RAMBLING IT'S 5:30 AM AND I COULD BE SLEEPING RIGHT NOW BUT INSTEAD IM JUST CRYING FOR A STUPID REASON!!#i think ive only had one person check up on me based off the vibes in chat i gave off alone in the past couple of months #which was baffling and surreal btw and i think it broke something within me #it came from someone i wouldve never expected to even notice because sometimes it feels like its such a vast difference between us #i sometimes even wonder how are we friends in the first place #like do i even deserve to call this person my friend do they feel like that? or are we just discord acquaintances?#anyway all this just made me sad and my dumb ass is crying and yearning to be loved by my online peers thats all lol. meows pathetically #idk i guess i just.want to hear / see it more rather than just teying to tell myself that over and over hoping im not deluding myself abt i #personal #sorry for the emotions dump idk whats wrong with me tonight actually #me having to come to terms with the reality that i actually have a following and this might get boticed by more than 2 ppl #bc not everyone follows 3k blogs like i am :skull emoji: yknow #im probably gonna delete later because im actually a super self conscious person to the point i get nauseatingly anxious about it holy shit #i dont vent often and im 120% keeping it in but when i do oh boy #the dam bursts and im left like a sopping wet dog on the floor looking like a sad blob #which i am feeling like right now!#vent #emy rambles #ALSO LIKE THIS ISNT TO SAY IM NOT GRATEFUL FOR MY FRIENDS OMG I AM #k really am #sometimes its still like. idk. unbelievable to me that people are genuinely interacting with me and the things i write or headcanon #and i shouldn't expect them to know whats wrong with me or if i feel bad if i dont say it or communicate that to them #but yknow one can yearn

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sugarsugarmp3 · 3 months

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i turn 21 on monday and i just know im not going to enjoy this weekend at all...

#BIG vent in tags #the last two months have been honestly some of the worst of my life i am always always thinking about this rly shitty thing happened #and now i have to go home for my birthday weekend which i know i should be happy about and it is a good thing #but i just really dont want to go and i feel like a bad person for feeling that way #im doing better than someone i know and i need to go home and be there for them #i wanted to be in my apartment and relax with my friends #ive had 4 midterms this week and i am just exhausted with everything #and its not like it being my brithday will make my weekend bc thats literally impossible #and i feel so shitty about feeling this way bc im not the one who needs help right now and my bday shouldnt even be a priority in my family #bc we have bigger problems rn #but i still wish it was better. plus today sucked #i just am always awkward with people and i wish i was better at social stuff and ive felt rly lonely bc i only hve a few good friends #and trying to make friends is so impossible bc it seems like i keep doing the wrong thing and not being able to vibe with people #rn im just thankful for labs bc having constant lab partners are the only social interactions i get in almost all my classes #this girls would sit next to me in genetics and we would talk but i hvent seen them in a few weeks and i dont know their names #and im not great with faces so i cant even go up to them if i see them and i wouldnt even know what to say if i did #i see the same people in my classes but im sure they think im weird bc ive never talked with them but i always accidentally make eye contac #and one girl in 4/5 of my classes i sometimes talk with but i dont even know if she likes me and i acciendetnally made eye contact with her #while waiting for a lecture to start but then made no attemot to talk to her bc i thought itd be awkward and she probably thought i was #ignoring her #its just this week. its been so so shitty i dont know how to change thus

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coldvampire · 8 months

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ngl. unconsciously disengaging from this website has been hdjfkg kinda good for my mental health overall? like yes im still dhdjfjf left out of a lot of stuff BUT i see it less so that means my feelings don’t get as hurt lmao. functionally that’s more or less the same thing probably?

going recluse isn’t what i ever want to do (& I didn’t even do it on purpose, just got busy and had a low social battery because of it) but aside from me being overall comfortable by myself, it just kind of seems like it’s where people are content to leave me. doesn’t feel great but it is what it is.

#not rly on discord servers for the same reason tbh #got tired of trying to interject my awkward attempts at participation #I mean people can still @ me but i just don’t have it in me for the server stuff #my social perception is low enough that I can’t tell what the right move is but high enough I know when I fucked up #idk if I’m just not built for larger groups or if it’s something else :(#wish I knew so I could work around it but it’s not exactly a perfect experiment #so w/e. I do kind of miss it a bit but I also feel like my absence doesn’t make a difference #which is a sad thought in itself but that’s how it goes #idk I think in general I’m in a weird spot where I make an impression but it’s never a vital one to the dynamic ?#I do sometimes doubt like. what I bring to interactions in general lately #doesn’t feel like much if I’m being honest. I mean I think I’m at least moderately interesting but djfjf who knows #weirdly settled with myself as a person but I’m thinking that cost is probably an isolating one #knowing a lot of people just never breaking past that surface level #sucks. not much else to describe it as.#idk I’m sure this is bad for me but I think I’ve kind of already messed up first impressions #it’s so stupid but I keep encountering the same dynamic of either we Click fairly quickly or we just don’t really at all #and I feel like that’s wrong of me bc I know some people need time but unless that initial click happens I just seem to falter??#idk idk idk I guess lately it’s like I feel alone/lonely but I don’t feel like I’m wanting to return to anything #bc I never felt like I really had a place there to start with #weird feeling. very weird feeling.#logging back off now dhjfkf

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july-19th-club · 1 year

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crazy how i’ve never known a time when i wasn’t masking or overperforming in order to impress adults, so for the majority of my schooling no adult in my life ever noticed there was something off about how i interpreted and interacted and that it was not easy to keep up with the pace they expected me to be at, or they willfully ignored it because some woman when i was seven had told them i was supposed to be too smart to struggle

#then there was the fact that i had internalized this by about fifth or sixth grade and i never wanted the other kids to look at me like they #were already starting to; i.e. a weirdo they wouldn't want to be friends with #but this sentiment only occurred to me when i was around ten by which time it was DEFFO too late #because i'd been being blissfully weird for the past five years at that point and they knew that #i spent most of middle and high school now also masking for the benefit of my peers in a all-hands-on-deck attempt to Be Likeably Normal #it was the most crucial thing in my life at the time. i had to be liked by every group of kids i couldn't carry the stain of Weird Kid #or i felt like it would completely end my life #i hung out with a set of alt kids and they had a reputation i was trying to break away from as 'too weird to be likeable' they were all very #like NICE and COOL and for the most part able to keep up with the fact that i didnt know any of their alt interests #but if i acted like i liked them too much then i'd be ostracized from the approval i *really* wanted so i was a pretty bad friend i think #not to their faces i just. was always looking over the fence so to speak #i stopped associating with jon or any of the other kids who (by then i knew) probably shared my neurodivergences #because that was the lowest social rung and i couldn't be seen there without ruining my chances at Being Respected #so no tss's who would help me with any emotional issues no being friends with jon no talking to anyone in that camp #so there's never been a time in my life when i wasn't constructing a type of person to be interacted with by others that they'd approve of #and i guess i got fairly good at it because it's basically my Self now but i wish it wasn't sometimes #then again that would open up a whole new can of problems

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jedi-bird · 1 year

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So because I'm on antidepressants now I'm apparently not allowed to have any bad days. Like, not sure how to explain that that's not how it works and that ignoring me and refusing to speak to me isn't going to help.