#i just think that each persons experience with gender is completely and totally unique

[sapphic-boy]

"How many genders are there" legitimately I think there are as many genders as there are people on earth, you can be a boy but is your version of boy 100% identical to any other boy?

[showmey0urfangs]

I'm the previous anon and would like to clarify because I feel like some people have been misinterpreting what I said completely (not you however so thanks for that), obviously there is commentary about patriarchy and gender in the show. The issue becomes, again, when people insistently refer to a gay male character as "basically" a woman to the extent that some members of this fandom do. I have quite literally seen far more people talk about the supposed misogyny faced by Louis (a man who profited of the exploitation of women!) than Claudia, an actual female character.

The other issue I have with large swaths of fandom when it comes to this topic is how many people seem incapable of acknowledging that one person can have both masculine and feminine traits, which manifest in different ways, and that two gender nonconforming men could be attracted to each other. It's really frustrating because iwtv is genuinely one of the only pieces of media I can name, at least in the mainstream, that features two gender nonconforming male protagonists who are in a relationship with each other and whose narratives and experiences are taken seriously instead of treated like a joke. The attempt to downplay Lestat's feminine qualities by some people also becomes very weird if you know how bisexual men are stereotyped as only ever being "straight-acting," it's like people don't even know this is something bi men face at all, or that Lestat is one of the few bi male characters to represent gnc bi men. It comes off very ignorant. But then, I've also seen numerous people claim that the show isn't "for" gay men anyway (despite being about them?), a sentiment that is not unique to this fandom in the slightest. It's the same shit as basically every other slash fandom ever.

I understand why a lot of people retaliated against all the omg lestat mother shit especially when it IS absolutely true that he acts like a patriarchial maniac but how is the solution to just swap it? or refer to this fact uncritically? people are out here acting like louis WANTS to be treated like lestat's subjugated housewife when in reality he was always uncomfortable with lestat's disrespect and humiliation of him. it's equally cringe to act like louis is basically The Woman and lestat is The Man and refuse to acknowledge the nuance in both their gender presentations. as you said, it also feels misogynistic and the fact that a lot of people seem to inherently associate womanhood and victimhood is genuinely concerning, especially with how common that line of thinking is among TERFs and SWERFs. as if, what, gay men can't be victims of abuse? as if abuse is somehow feminizing? (another a real sentiment I have seen in this fandom.)

if I seem heated it's because I kind of am at this point, because this shit is pretty much ruining my fandom experience if I'm honest. you so much as point out that maybe certain sentiments can be taken too far or expressed in ways that are problematic or that one extreme isn't better than another and people just twist your words. the fact that so many people would rather double down on their homophobia instead of simply own up to and dial it down even slightly is very telling. it's so disappointing, because i feel represented by this show but i guess not even canonical, nuanced portrayls of queer characters are safe from your average fandom bullshit

Hi there, thank you for clarifying and I totally understand your frustration. There is a tendency in fandom to wanna break down characters into archetypes or tropes even if the source material doesn't fit into it; Grumpy vs Sunshine, Aggressive top vs innocent virginal bottom (I've seen fans try to fit Louis into this even though the guy used to own and run several brothels 😂), Clueless cinnamon roll vs Life-hardened tough guy, high school quarterback vs loner loser etc. And this feminine vs masculine is just another trope that can often veer into fetishization, especially when it comes to M/M pairings.

I'd say Louis and Lestat both exhibit some of these traits, but they don't fit neatly into any defined category and that's what makes them interesting. They don't conform to heteronormative gender presentations because newsflash—most people don't actually, real humans are a lot more nuanced than that and well-written characters should/will reflect that complexity.

[transfaguette]

as someone who does describe themselves as a nonbinary trans guy… I think right now it is the fact the gender binary is still set up and enforced, so the language that people use the most to communicate general going out of the strict paradigm being nonbinary is specifically because there is a binary specifically in place (obviously hence the word).

I know I saw a post about someone who is a two spirit Native American who said, because of their own culture’s historic relationship to gender, the reason they say two spirit and completely reject the term nonbinary is because they don’t want to be described in a way that still resulted from a western binary terms of viewing gender when they aren’t apart of that at all. They described themselves in terms that might seem contradictory to others, but again, this is due to the current binary enforcement we still live in. They said that they are neither a man and/or a woman, but also while not being neither a man and/or a woman at the same time.

So because of that, it’s gonna be natural for some people to have the same experience that you do, because again even the term nonbinary assumes the current existence of a binary system we exist in order to try to explain experiencing a gender against it.

Because of this, if there comes a day hopefully when the gender binary is dismantled, I wonder if we see more precise language in a very wide arrange being employed more often if possible or there being other potential terms or ways of general describing individual gender since some experience gender as being even more nebulous (though I think there is a word for that). I know if this happens, I would specify more often to people about me being bigender with, including being a man as well a distinct gender outside of anything combined of, between, or lack of masculinity or femininity and such in terms of gender (maverique). Because in that case, it would be more of an understood or accepted thing. For now though, I only tell people who understand gender complexities.

And the new potential likelihood of views regarding man and woman in the first place is with the understanding of it not equating in each and every case to the binary that existed before, or operating in unique ways technically currently relating to it but differently. and in that the expansion of experiences of it that would previously be insisted by others that it should be described as nonbinary specifically, but that becoming just a thing in the past even if the person is still now what is binary still. Just under different ways of the experience (such as for you). I am not sure if this is being worded correctly. Basically, the end of trying to push you calling yourself nonbinary when you don’t experience that completely either at the same time. Or having that currently not being an appropriate word to describe where your still current experiences in relation to the current binary is at.

But yeah as a core point again, I think this experience is very much because of the term nonbinary is still operating under the assumption of how the enforcement of this binary system being in place for those under it. And right now it’s apart of the language we have to use under such a system, since we haven’t been liberated from it to be in a culture where this is genuinely deconstructed in favor of acknowledging the actual complexities of gender and accepting wide experiences of gender by the individual. Through this, it would end up allowing total freedom in gender experiences (obviously including those who are agender) and being able to talk about our genders in any way that is fit for our personal ones.

I hope this both made sense and I didn’t repeat things unnecessarily. It’s just complicated when we are under this system in the first place that doesn’t cover any complexities, so people try to respond accordingly and do what we can to. In which I consider myself both simultaneously binary and nonbinary at the same time under the current binary.

long post but a good summation of the problem. Personally I don't think I want or need more precise language. I just want to exist and not have people make assumptions about me and my identity. The term "binary trans man" in particular carries so many negative connotations to people because binary = bad and man = bad. binary trans man = transmed or exclusionist or annoying privileged cis assimilationist. and I'm none of those things, but it's the idea of trans men that I have projected onto me by others.

I desperately want to "reclaim" the word binary from that connotation because it's a way of understanding my gender that doesn't make me feel wanting like every thing else.

[gotjacobian]

One of my weirdest trans experiences is the fact that people near-universally assume I’m cis and straight now, and therefore that I have knowledge of the associated rituals and practices of cis-ness and straight-ness. This isn’t a thing unique to trans people - I think everyone contends with it to some extent because the expectation of cis/straight-ness is so strong. But I, specifically, had basically no experience “doing” straightness, then suddenly was 23 and expected to be able to do it with an adult’s precision and nuance. and that isn’t something i see talked about a lot. There’s the aspect of this that’s like, I consider myself “culturally” queer. My music taste, hobbies, media consumption habits, cultural referents, etc. are very common for queer people of my age and degree of online-ness. If the signifiers of that subculture ever became common knowledge, I could be clocked just by identifying any 3 of my interests and triangulating. It’s not usually an issue, especially because I hang out mostly in nerdy circles where I’m likely to find some overlap with the people around me. But it can still feel isolating. Like I moved from another country, but nobody knows that, and I can’t explain it without outing myself. This ESPECIALLY bugs me when it comes to people making assumptions about my career experiences, but that’s another post. 

It escalates into a bigger Thing when it comes to dating. I learned to date, essentially, as a lesbian, and with the culture and expectations that come with that. There are things about my dating history and behavior that look really odd if you assume I grew up cis and straight. Like, all my exes are queer, many know each other, and I’m still friends with many of them*.  Totally normal in those circles, eyebrow-raising to people who don’t know I’m trans. 

There’s also a lot of nuance to the expected behaviors of straight men interacting with women, especially if dating is anywhere on the table, that I just didn’t really know.

- I still struggle a lot with the expectation to ‘initiate’ romantically (something that came with a lot of baggage growing up as a Very Obvious Queer Person in a not queer friendly place, ESPECIALLY with my gender presentation.  Again, another post ). 

- I had to get more patient with the early stages of getting to know someone, where the small talk serves as a sort of creep-detection, “can you conform to basic social norms?” check. I’m convinced this is why so many dating app profiles are banal and near-identical. It’s the “Hi, how are you?” of that social realm. My tendency to dive right into niche things I feel strongly about just doesn’t read well to a lot of people in that context! (though in practice, it’s a pretty good compatibility filter, lol). 

 - There’s some degree of shared knowledge of Rituals. What to text when, what you do on a first, third, fifth date, etc. Obviously not universal, and the source of some angst even in people who have been doing it all their lives. but frequently it’s like, I don’t even know the rules to know how to break them or not. 

Once I actually know someone enough to get beyond that, things are great. But there’s a whole dance beforehand that I’ve just never picked up the steps to.

I’m sometimes randomly sideswiped by the complete mismatch of my experience versus how I’m being interacted with. Like, I had a girl admit once that she screens the guys she dates for height and wouldn’t have gone on a date with me if I was shorter. I’m in the 95th percentile of height for my sex phenotype, about as tall as I could possibly be, even if she doesn’t know that. I have no clue how to even model how I was supposed to feel. 

To be fair, lots of cis straight men struggle with similar feelings, though generally for a different set of reasons. I just feel like I can’t talk about it, because the specific experience is uncommon enough that no one can relate. I don’t think I know any other straight trans men. I especially don’t know any straight trans men at the same “stage” of transition as me, years post-hormones and primarily interacting with people who don’t know I’m trans. The ones i see online often have a different relationship to the idea of queerness and their history before transitioning that doesn’t line up with mine. Even in my queer friend groups, or trans support groups, the majority of people have “done” heterosexual dating at some point, usually in either the context of being bi, or doing it before coming to a different understanding of their gender/ sexuality. They have different relationship to it, and experiences to draw on. My “socialization” lacked basically any of that. And I feel even less able to talk about it because of how privileged my position is in a lot of ways. I like people correctly assuming my gender and sexuality without bugging me about being trans. I dated plenty as a visibly queer person too, so I’m intimately aware of how much bullshit I’m dodging. It’s just such a weird and sometimes isolating experience. I don’t have any conclusions to draw, just wanted to try and put something into words. 

*This is a weird post to be making on a blog where 50% of the non-bot followership is people I dated, lol, sorry about that. 

[lightns881]

DTeam Tumblr Demographics Survey Results (Part 1):

The Gifted Child Syndrome is Real with this One...

*Rubs hands together in preparation for some juicy data and in-depth analysis of the typical member of the DTeam Tumblr community*

Ooooooooh boy! Here we go!

I want to start of by thanking you guys for over 400 responses to the demographics survey! Y’all have no idea how much I appreciate it! We have so much to cover, so I’m going to divide up different sections of the survey into several posts to make it more digestable and do justice to each topic explored in the form! We’re going to start of with, you guessed it, personality types!

Strap yourself in because we’re about to thoroughly dissect your sub-conscious innerworkings and find out how the typical DTeam Tumblr Fan thinks! (And judging by the majority personality types, you guys will probably enjoy it)

The Delicious Data

From the 449 responses we received, this is a pie chart displaying the personality types of all respondents.

Image Description: INFP (40.5%), INTP (15.1%), INFJ (8.9%), INTJ (8.9%), ISFP (6.9%), ENFP (4.2%), ISTP (4.0%), ENTP (3.8%), ESFP (1.6%), ISFJ (1.6%), ENTJ (1.3%), ENFJ (1.3%), ISTJ (1.1%), ESTP (0.4%), ESFJ (0.2%), ESTJ (0%)

In comparison, this is a pie chart displaying the personality type percentages of the population as a whole according to the MBTI website.

Image Description: ISTP (14%), ESFJ (12%), ISTJ (12%), ISFP (9%), ESTJ (9%), ESFP (8%) ENFP (8%), ISTP (5%), INFP (4%), ESTP (4%), INTP (3%), ENTP (3%), ENFJ (2%), INTJ (2%), ENTJ (2%), INFJ (1%)

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m sensing a tiny difference here... Oh, right!

INxx’s on the Loose!

It’s funny. When I first found one of the 18+ DTeam fan servers through Tumblr, I asked everyone what their personality type was. I was pleasantly surprised when a lot of them told me they were INFPs like me!

It actually reminded me of MatPat’s (Game Theory) survey for one of his Life Is Strange theories that found the majority personality there was also INFP...

Funny enough, can you guess what the second leading personality on that survey was? The third? The fourth?

You probably guessed it right. MatPat found that out of the fans who responded, the leading majority was INFP while INTPs came in second, INFJs came in third, and INTJs came in fourth. The exact order for the personality types in DTeam Tumblr.

But why is it that some of the rarer personalities of the world are dominating DTeam Tumblr or Game Theory’s fanbase? What is it about these communities that attract the rare introverted Intuitive Perceivers (INxP) and Intuitive Judgers (INxJ) of the world like magnets?

The Gifted Kid Syndrome

To answer this question, first we have to examine our leading personalities. As we can see from the data, INFPs and INTPs make up 55.6% and INFJs and INTJs make up 17.8% of the total respondents. That’s nearly 3/4′s of the DTeam Tumblr population made up of INxx types!

Now, here’s me calling y’all out.

A lot of you probably relate to the quiet kid sitting at the back of the classroom who’s put into some type of TAG, gifted program, or some authority figure has probably called you smart and/or “gifted” at some point in your life. Academics probably came easy to you at one point, maybe they still do.

You’ve probably felt your chest swell up at the shower of compliments about your intelligence and at another... you’ve probably felt like people put you in a pedestal and overrate you so you’re stuck with this inherent fear of failure, and it causes you to completely shut down when the things that came easy to you at one point no longer do so. 

It’s gifted kid syndrome hitting you like a brick to the face. And if it hasn’t yet, oh you’re in for a surprise, honey.

And I’m sure many of you have come across funny, relatable posts like this:

And you want to know why most of you relate?

Image Description: INTP, INTJ, INFP, anf INFJ’s rate the highest in a giftedness per MBTI Type chart

No. You’re not hallucinating. It’s not even a joke at this point. It feels true because it probably is true.

(Granted, the study that captured similar results to this graph is long lost to the internet, but the best source I found with it was a reddit post I will be citing in the reblog.)

Now, my next point is where we find a split.

INFPs and INTPs and their Need to Question Everything (even if it’s about one sentence [insert creator here] said that one time during a 4-hour long stream)

The strongest connection I found between the two leading personalities of DTeam Tumblr is they share Extraverted Intuiting (Ne) as their auxiliary cognitive function.

I’ll use a quote that explains Ne better than I could ever explain it in my own words:

“Extraverted intuition or Ne is very much focused on patterns and making connections from information they gather... Ne dominant users enjoy being able to explore things in a much more open manner, not wanting to feel closed off to the possibilities around them... They are also highly imaginative people, who enjoy being able to come up with unique hobbies and experiences... They are not afraid of imagining things which seem almost impossible to others... [For INFPs,] Ne is what creates this detailed and incredible thoughts process which keeps them busy for long periods of time.”

And another:

“Auxiliary Ne manifests in people constantly questioning the world around them, but unlike ENxPs, they can be more pick and choose about this. But generally, they don’t take people, things and events at face value.“

Now, think about the community you’re in right now. Think about the post you’re reading at the moment.

DTeam Tumblr is full of over-analysis posts, whether about Dream and George’s secret love for each other or about the inherent problems with Dream’s shipbait and gay jokes or theories about what’s going to happen next in the dream SMP lore and the dramatic betrayals and creator’s descend into madness and more theories about sexuality and charts depicting creator’s personalities and what they’d be likely to do in different scenarios and... ooof, I’m out of breath here. You get my point.

DTeam Tumblr is literally a group of ex-gifted or gifted introverted people who love to read or write analysis, theory, and discussion posts about sweaty Minecraft Youtubers because they’re probably too overwhelmed by real life and find joy in obsessing over “dumb” things.

That’s it. That’s literally the post. I might as well end there.

But I won’t. 

Because obsessions is exactly what I want to focus on next.

The Inherent Nature of the INFP and their “Micro-Obsessions”

This is me having a one-to-one conversation with all my INFPs reading this.

Do you sometimes just set your mind on a goal--like, let’s say, writing a book--and you spend so much time obsessing over it to the point where you burn out and suddenly it never sees the light of day because you move onto your next goal or obsession because now you’re getting ready to launch your freelance website so you can start a business on [insert new hobby here]?

Or do you just suddenly find a fandom or a show or a channel you really enjoy and you spend the next few months doing nothing but engaging with it and reading fanfiction and drawing fan art or making dumb analysis posts on your main Tumblr account where suddenly you get an influx of followers from that community and now people are expecting you to just post about MCYT!?

Oh, sorry, I got a little carried away at the end there...

Anyhow, my point is, do you ever develop an obsession over something all the sudden only for it to just disappear when you find something new or just fall into the deep crevices of your mind only for it to maybe reemerge a few years later after you get a deep sense of nostalgia remembering it?

I call them micro-obsessions. And I recently found out, I’m not the only one who does this!

Here’s another quote for you: 

“According to Carl Jung’s theory of cognitive functions, when an INFP makes a decision, Ne comes in second to another process known as Introverted Feeling (Fi). Fi does not use logic to make a decision. It uses how we feel about the decision according to our values. In other words, it asks, “Which choice feels right for me?”

Ne, on the other hand, craves new ideas and experiences to explore, which causes INFPs to always be on the lookout for something novel.

Unfortunately, INFPs can get stuck in a loop, going back and forth between their Ne and Fi. They search to understand their values by constantly trying new things. They ask themselves, “Does this feel right?” then throw it over their shoulder as they move on to something else.”

So, you’re probably asking right about now, Light, how the heck does any of this have anything to do with the Dream Team and MCYT!?

Well, my friend, it has EVERYTHING to do with the Dream Team and MCYT and DTeam Tumblr as a whole.

Because INxx’s are predisposed to end up in places like this--fandoms on Tumblr, channels that speculate whether Mario is evil, watching dramatic Minecraft smp wars and elections as opposed to looking at the news that depicts Murphy’s Law as 2020′s new favorite epigram. 

The introvert in them causes them to prefer socializing in small communities online where they’re not forced to engage in conversations if they don’t want to or put into uncomfortable situations where they have to talk to that one friend of their friend who wants to make meaningless small chat.

Their Intuition causes them to wonder into places like Tumblr where they can engage in deep discussions about their newest obsessions, and they won’t be judged for writing a 500+ word post about why Dream’s shipbait tactics are a genius algorithm strat or simping over sweaty Minecraft boys.

DTeam Tumblr is a safe haven for INFPs and INTPs who might be placed in the “other” category or marked as weird for being interested in “childish” entertainment or being different from the general population overall, whether that’d be sexuality, point of view, age, gender, etc. A place where you can fully be yourself and not have to worry about disappointing people.

INFPs are predisposed for drowning themselves in their micro-obsessions to avoid all of the madness in the world--even if that means giggling like a little girl while reading memes about your favorite Minecraft YouTube creators.

That is a deep-dive into the mind of a typical DTeam Tumblr user. What do you think? Is it accurate at all? Is it completely off? Let me know in the comments!

And with that, I digress. I’m not sure whether I’ll be covering general demographics next week or diving into the topic of ships (could be a mix of both), but I will be posting about it eventually, so make sure to hit the follow if you got to the end of this post and enjoyed it or learned something new from it!

Friendly reminder that this survey and post is in no way supposed to be taken 100% seriously. These are just the ramblings of a math major INFP with too much time on her hands and way too big of an obsession for MCYT. My asks are always open for literally anything, whether if you want to ask me about this or any DNF related subject, my own opinions, or just criticize the whole of this post and tell me it’s complete trash! I’ll answer as long as it’s appropriate!

And, again, thank you everyone who filled out the survey. Without y’all, this post wouldn’t be possible. I really enjoyed writing it! Adios!

[baya-ni]

SHADOW’s Queer Coding

I first started exploring this idea of Sk8′s implicit queer rep (as in stuff other than explicit same sex intimacy) in this post.

I know we like to joke that Hiromi is the Token Straight of the protag gang, but I argue that he’s as much an example of queer rep as any of our main characters, albeit in a less conventional and fanservicey way.

So that’s what this post is gonna be, an analysis of Hiromi/SHADOW as a queer figure, how his character fits the Jekyll/Hyde archetype as a metaphor for queerness and The Closet, the similarities between SHADOW as a skatesona and early drag, and how his character represents a larger problem of exclusion within queer fandom spaces.

The 1886 Gothic novella The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson is the origin of the phrase “Jekyll and Hyde”. What I’m calling the Jekyll/Hyde archetype, refers to the same thing; it refers to duality, to a character who is “outwardly good but sometimes shockingly evil” (as described from the novella’s wiki page).

And the Jekyll/Hyde dynamic has also long been associated with Queerness. The antagonism between Jekyll and Hyde as two sides of the same person resonates with many people as similar to the experience being in the closet, and many many scholars have written about this queer reading of Jekyll and Hyde. Do a quick google search if you don’t believe me.

Hiromi experiences his own Jekyll/Hyde duality through his SHADOW persona, which seems to entirely contradict with Hiromi’s day to day personality.

Whilst Hiromi is sweet, romantic, and generally very cutesy, SHADOW is mean-spirited, sadistic, described as “the anti-hero of the S community.”  And though these two personalities seem entirely at odds, SHADOW doesn’t exist in a vacuum, he’s very much a part of Hiromi. In the show, this manifests as SHADOW’s sabotage moves being all flower themed, as Hiromi works in a flower shop, and how he’ll “step out” of character when playing babysitter to the kids.

Below is passage from an essay titled, “The Homoerotic Architectures of Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” which reminds me a lot of Hiromi’s character, such that I think his character arc can be read as an allegory for coming out and self acceptance.

The closet, here, is a space not only for secrecy and repression, but also for becoming; it is the space in which queer identities build themselves up from “disused pieces” and attempt to discover the strength needed for presentation to the world. The closet is both a space of profound fear and profound courage—of potentiality and actualization. (Prologue)

Unlike the kid/teen characters, the show’s adult characters all lead double lives. When they aren’t skating, they have day jobs. Kaoru is a calligrapher, Kojiro is a restaurant owner, Ainosuke is a politician/businessman (but tbh his job is just being some rich dude), and Hiromi works in a flower shop.

But of the adult protagonists (so not Ainosuke), Hiromi compartmentalizes the most.

Kojiro leaves his face totally exposed such that he can be recognized both on and off the skate scene. Kaoru at least covers his face, but his trademark pink hair and constant use of Carla doesn’t make it very hard to connect the dots between him and CHERRY. He’s also always with Kojiro in the evenings, so if you don’t recognize him as CHERRY when he’s on his own, you certainly will when you see him interacting with Kojiro/JOE.

Next to these two, Hiromi seems the more adamant at separating his Work from Play.

Even when he’s been clearly found it, he still tries to deny that he and SHADOW are the same person. Miya even uses this to coerce Hiromi into helping him and the boys:

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the separation between Hiromi and SHADOW can be interpreted as a metaphor for being in The Closet. As SHADOW, he leads a secret life, one characterized by an tight-knit underground community with a vibrant night scene, where he behaves in ways typically frowned upon by larger society. He worries about being found out and judged by the people close to him.

But in Ep 4, the walls of his Closet begins to come down, or in this case is literally imposed upon by other members of his community, by its younger members, who don’t feel the same need to hide their passion for skateboarding or lead the same kind of double life.

We then see the line between Hiromi and SHADOW begin to blur.

He becomes less of an antagonist, and instead the audience sees him become a mentor and “mother hen” figure for the younger skaters. Later on in Ep 4, we see him casually interacting with the other protags in full SHADOW mode, not as an “anti-hero” but as a friend.  In Ep 6, he acts as a babysitter for the kids, and we see him totally comfortable appearing both in an out of his SHADOW persona throughout their vacation.

And I think that this gradual convergence of Hiromi and SHADOW will culminate in this tournament arc.

There’s something more personal that’s driving SHADOW to do well in this tournament. It’s not just for bragging rights or his pride as a skater, but the results of this tournament is going to have some kind of greater impact on Hiromi’s personal life. Personally, my theory is that Hiromi is using this tournament to prove to himself that he’s worthy enough to ask his manager out on a date.

Hiromi is no longer compartmentalizing, his two lives are overlapping and influencing each other. Recall the essay quote I cited earlier:

The closet... is the space in which queer identities build themselves up from “disused pieces” and attempt to discover the strength needed for presentation to the world... of potentiality and actualization.

This is exactly the case for Hiromi. Through skating, he is piecing together the disparate parts of him such that he can present himself to the world as a more unified and confident being.

And the show presents the very skating community that Hiromi has been working so hard to keep separated from his personal life- Reki, Langa, Miya, Kaoru, and Kojiro- as the catalyst for that becoming.

That, my dear readers, is queer coding if I ever saw it.

But there’s probably gonna be people claiming something along the lines of “But SHADOW can’t be queer rep because he’s Straight!” And I assume that’s because he shows romantic interest in his female manager.

First of all, Bisexuality. Also Ace/aro-spec people. And second of all, SHADOW is Hiromi’s drag persona.

And before anyone can say anything about how Hiromi can’t do drag because he’s straight (assumption) and cis (also an assumption) uhhhh no, fuck you.

Drag didn’t start with RuPaul’s Drag Race, that’s just how it got mainstream. And it’s also how it got so gentrified and transphobic. You heard me. But anyway.

Drag is, and has always been, first and foremost about exaggerated, and oftentimes satirical, gender presentation and performance. It’s about playing with gender norms through artistic dress and theater, not so much to do with sexuality or gender identity.

Literally, what’s the difference here?

SHADOW is a persona of exaggerated masculinity with a punk aesthetic. Regardless of his sexuality or gender identity, Hiromi’s gender performance as SHADOW is drag- that makes him queer representation, change my fucking mind.

Queerness is more than same-sex romance, and by extension, good queer representation is not limited to canonized gay ships. The very word Queer, in it’s ambiguity, is meant to encompass the richly unique experiences of everyone within the LGBTQ+ community.

In my opinion, Queer =/= Gay. I mean, they’re colloquially the same yes and even I use them interchangeably. But for the purpose of this post, they’re not the same, and that’s to argue that Hiromi/SHADOW’s lack of acknowledgement as queer rep illustrates a larger issue of exclusion within fandom.

I mean, this is something we all kinda been knew, but in the case of Sk8 specifically, there are a two main reasons why I think Hiromi is rarely acknowledged as queer rep.

1. He’s not shippable with another male character

Fandom favors mlm ships when it comes to what’s considered good queer rep. And the ultimate mark of good queer rep is explicit acts of romance or intimacy between two male characters. Unlike with any of the other characters in the show, we can’t point to Hiromi and automatically clock him as gay, especially because he expresses romantic interest in a woman.

So by default, he’s less popular, because “Ew Straight People” amirite /s.

2. He’s not attractive

This is really interesting, because like JOE, Hiromi is a beefcake.

But fans don’t thirst over him the same way they do over JOE. Granted, the show really plays up JOE’s muscles in a very strip-teasey way that literally encourages viewers to find him attractive. By contrast, Hiromi is pretty much covered head to toe and he paints his face in theatrical makeup- the point is to look scary, not attractive.

In essence, even though Hiromi engages in “queer behavior” through his SHADOW persona, his queerness isn’t palatable.

But I also think there’s some pretty insidious undercurrents of fetishization going on here, of both Asian people AND gay men. Which is... a whole other thing I really don’t have the capacity to unpack completely.

But basically, Hiromi doesn’t fit into any of the popular BL archetypes so he’s less likely to recognized as Queer. Relatedly, he’s also less often subjected to a fetishistic gaze as other characters. I mean...

So again, fans just don’t find him as appealing. Attractive characters are always more popular than ugly ones.

And I’m sure there are a lot of people who just don’t care for Hiromi’s personality, that’s fine, he does act like an asshole sometimes. But this post is meant to illustrate that queer rep takes multiple forms, and unfortunately I think a lot of media just tends to fall back on stereotypical portrayals of queer people for the sake of broader appeal. And by consequence, the fandom’s idea of what constitutes queer rep narrows to same-sex romance, usually between two cis gay men.

With the release of Ep 9, I know a lot of people queer people are going to find representation in the Kojiro’s whole “unrequited love” thing. But personally, I feel more represented by Hiromi, his journey of self-acceptance and subversive relationship with gender- that’s what resonates with me as a trans person.

And I think it’s important to see that kind of less palatable type of queer representation more acknowledged in fandom, and in Sk8′s fandom especially, because I know the demographics of this fandom lean heavily queer.

But that’s all for now, lemme know what you guys think :)

[the-dragongirl]

Hello tumblr. I have returned from a long period of inactivity, because I must bring the good word to the corner of the Star Wars fandom that used to be my main fannish home: there is a new era of Star Wars canon that was made just for our taste. It is called the High Republic.

WHAT IS THE HIGH REPUBLIC?

The High Republic is an giant multi-media project being carried out by the Lucasfilm story group to create a brand new era of Star Wars canon. It is set a few hundred years before the prequel era (so, a long time after the Old Republic era), in a period of peace and stability within the Republic. It currently includes several English language adult novels, a YA novel, two serialized comics, a manga, some short stories, and some short video blurbs published on facebook and youtube. A TV show for Disney+ has also been announced, but is a few years off. This project is unique in Star Wars, in that all of the different parts are being written together by one writing team, and are coordinated to tell a cohesive story. Also, what has been announced is just the beginning – they have stated that there will be three different sections of the High Republic, and everything we have had announced so far is just part one. As a note: this is an era for which there was NO pre-existing canon in Legends, so it is totally new territory.

OKAY, THAT’S NICE, BUT WHY SHOULD I BOTHER TO CHECK IT OUT?

There are SO many reasons why the High Republic is worth your time to explore. I will try to outline some of them here below the cut (without any significant spoilers).

IT IS A LOVE LETTER TO THE JEDI

This is the era for everyone who loves the Jedi and wants to understand how they got to the point they did in the prequel era. It shows Jedi at their best: saving people, working together, being completely in tune with the Force (in so many beautiful and original ways), demonstrating creativity and flexibility and being rewarded for it, actually thinking through the ethics of things like the mind trick, and DEALING with their emotions rather than repressing them. It shows us how the rigid Jedi culture was saw in the prequels was a corruption of something that was originally healthy and uplifting. Jedi in this era are allowed to be flawed, and to grow, and have a community that supports them in doing so. This is the Jedi culture so many of us created as fix it fic for the prequel era, but made canon.

IT IS AN ERA OF HOPE

There are some serious problems in the High Republic Era. Without spoilers, the era opens with a terrible humanitarian crisis, laid over the Republic equivalent of the New Deal from US history.  We see a lot of examples of people doing their best to be good to each other, and working for a more just and kind galaxy. They acknowledge that things are not perfect, but people from many different backgrounds (Jedi, politicians, farmers, pilots, business people) work together to try and make things better. I don’t know about you all, but with the darkness we see in the world today, I NEED some of that optimism in my escapist media. The High Republic provides that.

IT WILL GIVE YOU FEELINGS

The existing material so far is structured to really let you emotionally invest in the characters and their struggles. Unlike with many eras of Star Wars canon, characterization is not sacrificed for the sake of plot (though never fear, there is PLENTY of plot). That means there is huge scope for empathy. I’m not going to lie; I cried within the first three chapters of Light of the Jedi, as did several other people I know. It is POIGNANT in a way that feels truly genuine.

IT IS FUN

The writing team understands that, in the end, Star Wars is space fantasy. If your space fantasy is nothing but serious, gritty grimdark, it becomes pretentious and unbearable. So, for all that there is some heavy content in the High Republic (VERY heavy content – the Nihil should really have their own content warning), it has many moments of levity that keep it from taking itself too seriously. For example, the High Republic made Jedi bodice rippers canon. Also, characters like Geode exist (yes, that rock there is a CHARACTER). The result is something which honors the spirit of Star Wars, and keeps you engaged without being tedious or ridiculously depressing.

THE WRITING TEAM HAS DIVERSE PERSPECTIVES

The main writing team consists of five people: Justina Ireland, Claudia Gray, Charles Soule, Daniel José Older, and Cavan Scott. You will note that includes two people of color, two women, and one out Queer person (in fact, one of the writers is all three of those things). This is a far cry from the white-cis-straight-man-dominated writing teams we have seen in the past. And when they bring in other people to the project, they make a point of looking for perspectives that aren’t represented on their team – for example, the manga is being co-written between Justina Ireland and Japanese writer Shima Shinya, and Ireland has stated in interviews that Shinya is taking the lead on the writing.

IT VALUES MEANINGFUL REPRESENTATION

That diverse writing team means a cast that looks WAY more like the real world than any other era of Star Wars we’ve seen, in terms of representation. There are multiple characters of color, who are both heroes and central to the story. There are at least five canonical queer characters to date (a MLM couple, an Ace character, and two NB character).  [EDIT: Thank you @legok9​ for letting me know about the NB characters]. Among binary gendered characters, there is a very even balance of men and women. The writing team has also stated that they will be incorporating more representation of disability in the works to come. And the story is so much better for it – representation is included here BECAUSE it makes for more creative, believable, and original storytelling.

IT IS ACCESSIBLE

Because of the multiple formats, and the fact that it doesn’t rely on you knowing any prior lore, the High Republic offers many avenues to engage for people with all kinds of needs. Know nothing about Star Wars canon and feel intimidated about catching up? The canon is all new in this era anyway, so you’re fine. Can’t handle flashing lights? No problem – the little bit of video content that exists is totally free from the strobing effects that caused seizure and sensory issues. Need purely audio content? You can still have a full experience of the High Republic with the gorgeously sound-scaped audiobooks. Don’t have the attention span for books or long movies? Then the comics are your friend.

THERE IS SOMETHING FOR ALL

Between the books aimed towards adults and teens (and their respective audiobooks), the kids books, the comics, the manga, the short stories, AND the eventual TV show on Disney+, there is going to be content in the High Republic that suits most audiences. And that is just what has been announced so far – there is still more to come for phases II and III. This isn’t Star Wars written towards one group or demographic – it is Star Wars for everyone.

DID I MENTION THE FANCY JEDI UNIFORMS?

Because cosplayers and fanartists? This is the era for you. We are getting Jedi in silks with elaborate gold embroidery. Jedi with jewelry other decorative elements. Even the practical field uniforms have tooled and embossed leather. If you want to draw or make Jedi that have some of that that sweet LoTR-esque high fantasy aesthetic, the High Republic has your back. (Not going to lie – I am ALREADY imagining the time travel AUs. Put Obi-Wan in fancy clothes!)

OKAY, YOU’VE SOLD ME. WHERE SHOULD I START?

I strongly recommend everyone looking to get into the High Republic (who is old enough to be on Tumblr) start with Light of the Jedi by Charles Soule. I alternated between the physical book and the audio book, and found it delightful in both formats. After that, you have a lot of options. You can read or listen to the audio book of the YA novel A Test of Courage by Justina Ireland. You can check out the currently running Star Wars: The High Republic comic from Marvel, or the Star Wars: The High Republic Adventures comic from IDW. Or you can skip straight to Into the Dark by Claudia Gray. Honestly, there is no wrong order to try out most of the High Republic.

IN CONLUSION

The High Republic is Star Wars written for people who DON’T want Star Wars to be a good ‘ol boys club for salty white dudes who don’t want to see anything but more of Luke Skywalker. It offers broad representation, and optimistic narrative, and whole bunch of awesome Jedi content. If you are someone who fell in love with Jedi in the prequel era, the High Republic will give you more of what you loved. And if you are totally new to Star Wars? The High Republic is here for you too.

So, go check it. And then go write fic for it (please, there are only, like, 14 fics on AO3, I am dying).

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Hello!

I hope that you're well!

I'm sorry to bother you and I don't even know if your ask is open but I have a little question (which ended up being a little long... I'm sorry for that...):

Why are Gai and Kakashi in a queer platonic relationship and not in a platonic relationship? Like why does it have to be queer? I don't understand... Like, it's just a normal platonic relationship no?

I'm sorry to bother you with that and I don't want to hurt anyone by asking that question (that's why I'm a coward and ask as anon) it's just that I am completely lost with all the terms because for me everyone is unique and has unique relationships with whoever they want as individuals and not as genders or whatever, and I don't personally see the point in using "categories" although I do understand the need for some people who don't fall into a category and feel rejected to belong to one and be appreciated for who they are...

But if we use the term queer as in strange or peculiar, I do think we all are queers since we're all unique... So, like, for me Gai and Kakashi are just in a platonic relationship which some could also define as deep friendship. but idk, that's why I'm confused about the queer term (to be honest my sister said I'm queer and even though I'm not sure what she meant I think it was because I have a very weird vision of things which doesn't fit the traditional norms of society...)

You don't have to answer me! It's really fine if you don't because I bothered you or because you find my question insulting or rude or anything.

I also wanted to say I love your writing and your ideas in general!

It's obviously not cannon. Cannonly, Kakashi and Gai are friends and that's all we ever see them referred to as. The story doesn't revolve around them so the snippets of their friendship we get are beautiful but minimule

Why do I think they're in a queer platonic relationship? The purpose of that term is to describe a relationship between platonic and romantic. One that stands out as different from what others in their society would view as 'strictly platonic' or 'romantic'. It of course doesn't have to be something everyone uses and you're just as valid saying 'they're relationship is platonic' cuz cannonly it is. That being said, when I look at their friendship I don't see the same platonic friendship I have with my bestie.

Kakashi' and Gai

Go on vacation together

As soon as Kakashi is finally free if Hokage duties and able to actually enjoy his retirement, what does he do? Does he relax in Konoha? Or just take a little trip on his own?

No, he goes on a detailed well planned vacation to see important places that hold special memories with one person. Gai. This isn't just a fun vacation with two best friends, but a deep and meaningful vacation. They have a goal to see amazing places that mean so much to them, and while the anime didn't really show it they do go to places like the filming spit for Icha Icha and you can see Gai's as happy to be there as Kakashi even though it's not his fav book

Gai eats Kakashi's none wanted food for him

Again, this could be totally platonic and mean nothing but the way Kakashi tells Mirai that Gai eats his tempura for him

Kakashi' is a picky eater. We see this over and over again, yet he still gets tempura with his food. Why get something you won't eat? Because your best friend will eat it for you. Kakashi's really sitting here with food on his plate he won't touch just so Gai can steal it from him. And when he's confronted about it he's like 'oh ya I don't like it so Gai eats it for me. He's nice like that'

Kakashi' would have chased a fairy tale to save Gai's leg

After the big bad is defeated and never reaches immortality by killing Mirai, we see Kakashi and Gai standing off to the side chatting. During this chat two things happen.

1) Kakashi admits that if there was someone telling him that there was a hot spring that could heal Gai's leg, he'd willingly go and hunt it down

2) Gai telling Kakashi 'i don't need my leg. I have you.'

In both these instances these men are showing a deep care for each other. Kakashi' would risk his life to give Gai his leg back, but Gai doesn't want his leg back. He doesn't miss it because all these years he has had Kakashi' by his side. Alive and happy. Is that super gooey and could be read as platonic? Yes. Could it also be read as deeply romantic and sweet? yes. Putting it somewhere in the middle cuz we know they're not a cannon romantic couple but they are closer. Like, I'm sorry I don't see Shikamaru saying that to Choji? Or Sakura to Ino? Not because they don't care but because their relationship is different. Kakashi's world revolves around Gai in a lot of ways and vice versa. They have built their lives around each other since the war, even living together.

This isn't the standard 'two best friends who have other spouses/friends'. By Boruto the only friend you really see these two interact with is each other. Everyone else is their old students. (And I am pissed about Yamato not being around cuz he deserved better than the shit he got)

They legit...sleep side by side

Look at this. Look at them. These two have a huge room to sleep in and not only are they side by side but their beds are overlapping

When Gai wakes up from a nightmare, he is able to calm down because of Kakashi's snoring.

Hatake Kakashi, nightmare mess, is able to sleep a peaceful night with Gai by his side.

This is borderline romantic af, but they're not a cannon couple. This isn't really something two friends would do (in my experience at least) and it's very rare to see two males friends depicted doing it. Like, Sasuke and Naruto are super close. They had the whole 'i will bear your burden and die with you' scene and I still don't think the anime or manga would ever show them actively sleeping this close to each other??? Kakashi' and Gai's relationship is depicted diffrently

At the end of the day, cannonly they're a platonic friendshiom

But I'm going to enjoy the fact that there are so many deeper more romantic linings to their friendship without them being a 'cannon couple' that I will call them a queer platonic relationship because by the standards of my society and their own around them

They don't fit strictly into platonic, and they're not romantic

They're somewhere in the middle, unexplained and a little weird to others but their bond is clear as day

And that's a queer platonic relationship to me

[felony-dykery]

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the way I have seen (non-dysphoric) radfem lesbians talk about trans men. Specifically how they talk about trans men who choose to pursue total or partial physical transition. And overall the conclusion I keep coming to is that we need to completely rework how we discuss that experience.

I truly do not believe that all female attracted trans men should have to consider themselves lesbians. They can, but they shouldn’t *have* to. And now that I think about it, some trans men probably shouldn’t even claim the term at all. Because for many I feel there is an eventuality where lesbian stops being an accurate (or appropriate) identifier. There are so many differences between the public lives of passing trans men and visibly female homosexuals. I relate this to how my relationship with my partner (a trans man) has shifted through the journey of his physical transition. 

To be blunt, people have stopped treating us as a female couple. My extended family members are no longer shocked by the difference between his gender presentation and his physical appearance when they meet him for the first time. I haven’t had to give that awful pronoun and gender debriefing to new acquaintances in years. Recently it has become clear that his new trainees at work no longer have to force using he/him pronouns for him. I mean fuck we sometimes even feel safe enough to kiss and hold hands in public now. Such displays used to ALWAYS be meticulously avoided because when we were mostly read as lesbian they sadly exposed us to genuine threats of violence.

Is it really accurate to label this experience is a lesbian one? I do see the argument for it. Factually speaking we are both homosexual and female. All lesbians are female homosexuals, so that must in turn mean that all female homosexuals are lesbians... right? 

From a conceptual standpoint the latter assumption is perfectly correct. But I don’t think the reality is that simple. My question then is this: how do we define the multifaceted relationships that occur when a trans man falls in love with a woman?

I think there isn’t just one correct answer. Both biological truth and social reality are equally important. As a female homosexual I was once uncomfortable with this grey area but overtime the truth of my personal relationship has become clear. Both of us have come to the conclusion that our love is a homosexual, straight-passing one. And we both agree that it isn’t lesbian. Lesbian is, to us, an identity that better describes a more straightforward and visible type of love. To us, lesbians are non-transitioned adult human females who exclusively love other non-transitioned adult human females. We don't face the dangerous public situations that they often do. They don’t face some of the unique and complicated interpersonal struggles that we often do. We just don’t exist in the same space anymore.

This is not to say that we are totally disconnected from lesbianism. Most likely if I were with someone else she would most likely be another non-transitioned woman. I as a reidentified dysphoric personally still feel like a lesbian. People don’t (and never did) view me as a man just due to my identity issues. So yeah, I am something like a lesbian- just one in a non-lesbian homosexual partnership. For him, he *used to* belong solidly in the lesbian category. Before transition he was indistinguishable from a lesbian woman, just like I am now. But now he doesn’t feel like he would be lesbian outside of our relationship. He’s not interested in dating other trans men so I’m really not an attraction-anomaly to him. The way we relate to each other as two romantically involved dysphoric ofabs is messy, complicated, and fluid. I don’t mind it being that way. Because of our exploration into our labels we get to explore our connection in ways that most people don't get to experience. The way we have learned to relate to each other more honestly and healthfully has been a real point of growth for me, and I'm endlessly grateful for it. 

Not everyone in our situation has to agree with this interpretation. I don't claim to be the expert on dysphoric female love, nor would I want to. But I think there needs to be more room for variance in labels within this community. I don't think absolutism gets us closer to anything productive. The reality is that trans men do exist, they do fall in love, and they do not always relate to the world in a way that cleanly falls into an L, G, or B category. If we really want radical feminism to include all females we must be open to listening to their experiences- regardless of whether they neatly fit our worldview or not. 

[ladyblogger-margie]

James “Bucky” Barnes – NSFW Alphabet

***GN!Reader (Let me know if I slipped up anywhere)

A = Aftercare (What are they like after sex)

He frankly isn’t the most attentive after sex. He tells you the experience was great and gives you a kiss when you’ve both finished, but he leaves you to clean yourself up and wanders away to do his own thing and work out the remaining aderline by getting some water or washing his face. But he will have a smile on his face for the rest of the day just thinking of how your bodies came together so perfectly.

B = Body Part (Their favorite body part on themselves and on their partner)

He loves his thighs. They are strong and support his and your weight without shaking. He struts when he walks, and his thighs are front and center of that confidence display.

He loves your eyes. He feels like you are the only one who can truly see him, the real him, and those eyes just bore into him so knowing, so lovingly. He loves to watch you sleep and his heart grows so soft when he sees you lashes fluttering as you dream.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum - I am a disgusting person)

He wants to come on your face whenever possible. He loves leaving a mess you clean up with you hand and push into your mouth. If he gets some in your hair in the process, he will not tell you and let it stay there until the next time you shower, the thought of that making him hard again instantly.

D = Dirty Secret (What do they secretly want)

He would love to have a threesome with you. The gender of the third doesn’t matter, just wants to find someone that’ll make you happy too. He wants to watch you fuck someone else and he wants you to watch him fuck someone too. A threesome is the top of his special request list, even though he’s worried it would offend you to know that. You’ll really have to develop that bond and sense of understanding before he’ll feel comfortable enough to know that you won’t be upset by his request. It’s absolutely not that you’re not enough for him, it’s just about escalating the experience for you both and creating a shared experience.

E = Experience (Do they know what they are doing?)

He’s not as experienced as you might think. He may be over 100 years old but his time as a brainwashed Hydra agent was not spent exploring his sexuality. His experience before the war was varied, but he still has a lot to learn, especially when it comes to all the new inventions in toys and roleplay that have occurred during his time out of practice. He is an eager student though and happy to explore uncharted territory and experiment with you.

F = Favorite Position (Self explanatory)

He loves to 69. He loves how your mouth feels around his cock as he draws an orgasm out of you. It also is inline with how much he loves to finish on and around your face.

G = Goofy (Are they serious during sex or goofy?)

He’s a pretty serious person. He can be a little flirtatious which sometimes comes across goofier than he means, especially when roleplaying. Most of the time though he is as dark and brooding as ever.

H = Hair (Are they well groomed?)

No, he is not a detailed groomer. He is clean, but he does not manscape and is all natural. He likes his partner however they’re comfortable, regardless of if that is completely hairless or full bush. But he does love himself some pubic hair to get absolutely lost in, but will never force a choice on his partnet. He expects his partner to respect his grooming choices equally.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment?)

Most of the time when you two are intimate it is primal and urgent leaving his emotional connections feeling a bit detached from your physical actions. He is all about the release for both of you and that’s his clear objective. He shows his emotional attachment to you in different ways. At first it caused you some insecurity, but as you got to know him better you understood that his compartmentalization actually created different ways for you two to connect rather than to keep you apart.

J = Jack Off (Do they masturbate?)

He jack’s off almost constantly since he returned from his brainwashed state. He loves mutual masturbation as well. He sometimes uses his metal arm for a unique, almost out of body experience when it comes to self-pleasure. Though he’d always pick time with you over going solo.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

He is very into spitting. He always spits in his hand before he jacks himself off and if you’re masturbating together, he’ll insist you spit in his hand for him. He loves to spit in your mouth and if you’re riding him, he begs you to spit in his mouth. It’s filthy and he loves it.

L = Location (Favorite place to do it)

He loves to fuck you in public. You’ll find a secluded path just off the trail and drop your pants to your ankles as he pushes you against a tree. He’ll cover your mouth with his hand and expect you to drool and pant into it as he thrusts into you hard and messy. He’ll be hard the rest of your walk as he knows his cum drips out of you as you continue forward.

M = Motivation (What turns them on or gets them going?)

It doesn’t take much to get him going to be honest. He’s always ready whenever you are. He especially likes when you slyly reference a previous encounter in a vague way in front of other people, faking innocence to your inside double entendre.  

N = No (Something they will not do. Turn offs.)

He does not want to engage in anything related to a piss!kink. It is just one of those things he can’t understand why people are into it, and while he respects everyone’s right to explore their own sexuality in their own way, it is just not something that appeals to him or turns him in. He supports it, but only for other people and not for his own experience.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skills, etc.)

He loves to give you pleasure, no question, but he never comes harder than when you give him oral. Something about him looking down at you with your lips around his cock just pushes him over the edge like nothing else does. He loves when you touch yourself while he fucks your face. He never lasts as long as he means to when you tease him like that.

P = Pace (Are they fast or rough? Or slow and sensual?)

He is a fast and hard kind of fuck. The kind of fuck that leaves your breathless and bruised unable to walk. He wrecks you so completely and so thoroughly so quickly that you don’t even mind that he leaves you whimpering and trembling alone on your bed when he’s finished with you because you’re so overstimulated by the time he’s done you don’t think you could handle much more.

Q = Quickies (Their opinions on quickies rather than regular sex)

He is the king of quickies. If anything, he prefers them. They keep him from getting too caught up in his own thoughts and insecurities and force him to be entirely in the moment where all that matters is your shared pleasure in whatever time span you two have available to you without interference from the real world.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He is up for anything you want to try. After discovering internet porn he came to you every day with a new idea to test out. Sometimes they end in complete bliss, and other times they are complete failures, but he loves the process and learning new ways to worship each others’ bodies.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go? How long do they last?)

He is a super soldier; he can last much longer than you with more rounds in him than you can take. Some days you are totally beyond spent that he finishes himself off and cums on your face as you lay there and take it as a blissed-out shell of your regular self.

T = Toys (Do they own or use toys on themselves or partners?)

As part of his experimentation, you and he buy every toy that piques your interest until you have quite an elaborate and varied collection. His favorite is a remote-control vibrator that you use on him when you’re out in public. He likes the exhibitionist nature of that and he likes that you are in control of him in ways no one actually knows.

U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease?)

He thinks he is a big tease, but he can’t help himself when you’re naked in front of him. He’ll send you naughty messages with details on what he will do to you later in order to build up the anticipation, but when the time comes, he is full steam ahead at a rapid pace.

V = Volume (How loud are they? What sounds do they make?)

He is a grunter for sure. Doesn’t say much, but he makes animalistic, unrestrained grunts that awaken something primal deep within you. He sounds absolutely feral sometimes and it’s the best kind of dangerously sexy.

W = Wildcard (Random headcanon for your character)

He hard to get to know, but once he lets you in he becomes extremely clingy. He will never admit it, but it’s not a coincidence that he always happens to be in the same room as you and just happens to need to brush his teeth while you jump in the shower, or he decides he needs a snack while you’re in the kitchen baking, or why he decides to read in the living room while you doing yoga instead of in the library/den. When you’re working from home he has never been happier knowing he can be in the same room with you literally all day every day.

X = X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

He’s surprisingly average, not that average is bad. Frankly though all that matters is how he uses it which is exceptionally well. He fills you just right and always leaves you feeling good. He isn’t flashy in appearance, but who needs flash when there’s substance and commitment to pleasure.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He is horny all the time, he is always ready whenever you are and can get feral if denied too long. He always respects your consent of course, but he is all over you all the time. If you ever ask him to fuck he’s naked before you can finish your request.

Z = ZZZ (How quickly do they fall asleep afterwards?)

He usually gets up and putters around right after you two finish as he works some of the leftover adrenaline out of his system. Which is why you often find him passed out, snoring and drooling on the couch or slumped over at the kitchen table just crashing where he lands when he comes down from his high.

[dreaming-of-assclass]

Group 4 Dynamics

Just for clarification on how I think their dynamics are...I know like all of these aren’t supported in canon very well, but I love Group 4 and really want to make more content of them...and I felt the need to explain how I view them haha. So if I write a fic, it won’t seem totally ooc, you know? You’ll see a bit of where I’m coming from haha.

Karma Relationships 

Karma and Nagisa

- Idk how to explain this...in my mind, they’re still good friends ofc, but not as close as I think a lot of people think they are. There’s awkwardness until civil war, and the gender jokes are :/ But other than that, I don’t have much to say besides what their friendship is in canon...

Karma and Sugino

- Sitcom duo...they clash at first, but over the course of the year they overcome their prejudices of each other. Ultimate brotp, they’re good bros and look out for each other. They argue, then do something stupid together two seconds later.

Karma and Kayano

- They have a unique friendship, a very strong bond though. They’re both chaotic and do crazy shit, although she still has infinitely more common sense than him. They hang outside of school a lot and connect based on similar experiences of growing up too fast. 

Karma and Okuda

- They have a super tight bond...they’re each other’s closest friends. It’s so easy for Karma to confide in her since she’s so honest and kind. Likewise, Okuda really appreciates how he’s there for her, loyal always. They’re a chaotic duo when it comes to chemistry and pranks.

Karma and Kanzaki

- Video game buddies, they bond over that. Even after that, they click based on being rebels and having a “Fuck parents!” mindset. Kanzaki can only encourage shit to an extent, then she freaking terrifies him when she’s upset. Karma also “takes” care of guys who harass her. Overall very sweet bond.

Kanzaki Relationships

Kanzaki and Nagisa

- They also have a really sweet friendship. Kanzaki really admires him and gets more and more amazed each time Nagisa puts himself in a serious situation for the sake of others. She doesn’t have...great interactions with guys, so being around Nagisa, who’s so respectful and kind, is nice. Nagisa feels guilty after not sticking up her from Ren in the library, so he tries to always look out for her after that.

Kanzaki and Sugino

- Well...she knows he has a crush on her. Kanzaki isn’t sure how to respond at first besides subtly friendzoning him. Sugino puts her on a pedestal and expects perfection from her...which isn’t great. Over the year, as they grow closer he loses his feelings as his perfect image of her dissolves. It’s a lesson for him. After that, they’re closer as friends. He’s a bit protective of her but Kanzaki is grateful for having such a nice person as a friend.

Kanzaki and Kayano

- Oh boy...these two are extremely close. She was the first person Kanzaki ever confided in, and they’ve been through so much together. After the tentacles reveal...Kayano is surprised when Kanzaki isn’t upset. They talk at some point in the hospital, and Kanzaki admits that she understands what it’s like having another identity, and she just wishes Kayano could feel more free and safe now. Kayano starts fucking sobbing at that, and their relationship improves even more...

Kanzaki and Okuda

- They’re super close, and Okuda is a friend that she’s very grateful for having. They always have fun study sessions since they both suck at each other’s best subject. Despite that, they get each other...being introverted and ‘passive’ and being walked over by others. Kanzaki is a bit protective over Okuda since she’s even sweeter and more innocent. They shop together sometimes since they have similar styles. Kanzaki specifically finds chemistry-based video games just for Okuda, and she appreciates it a lot

Okuda Relationships

Okuda and Nagisa

- Nagisa is such a nice, comfortable figure to be around for Okuda...he’s always so sweet and will listen to her ramble on about chemistry just because he knows it’s her passion. He often plays the “straight man” for her antics though, and will be the only one in their friend circle to dissuade her from chaotic experiments. “Okuda-san, please don’t mix it...it’ll explode. Karma, no, we don’t want that-”

Okuda and Sugino

- Oh my god, they have such a pure friendship. Sugino is such an easygoing kind guy, he goes out of his way to make sure she’s included in conversations and doesn’t feel uncomfortable, which Okuda really appreciates. They’re...complete opposites lol, and try to introduce each other to their passions. So cue, Okuda cleaning up a chemical reaction that Sugino caused to explode...and Sugino laughing as he tries to direct her swings while teaching the very clumsy Okuda how to bat.

Okuda and Kayano

- Their friendship is the sweetest...Kayano was the first friend Okuda made, and she’s beyond grateful for that. They become super close and attached to each other, even despite being so different. Kayano is literally always hugging her so tightly and never letting go. For the first time, Okuda feels like she can trust people and connect...and she has Kayano to thank. Post-reveal, however...she’s crushed by the lie, and for a while, feels she can’t trust Kayano. They reconcile eventually, and their friendship gets strengthened.

Kayano Relationships

Kayano and Nagisa

- They were always good friends, and will stay that way. I’m gonna expand on post-reveal though...that’s where it gets strained. Nagisa has faith in her, and saved her believing that she belongs in the classroom. But it’s not that easy for her...to just forget everything, go back to normal, and accept the fact that she used him...They remain really good friends, but after 3-E, they lose contact for a while. Nagisa still fully supports her acting endeavors, and they care for each other a lot.

Kayano and Sugino

- They really were casual friends in the beginning, tied to Nagisa. But that didn’t last long as they clicked and got closer. Sugino is always teasing her for her height and such, but if she starts pouting, he’s quick to get her a pudding and snacks. He’s very defensive of her after the whole tentacles reveal, and is one of the first to feel sympathy. Kayano in turn gets exasperated by his chaotic nature, but still adores him and their friendship. She knows Sugino will always look out for her, no matter what.

Sugino Relationships

Sugino and Nagisa

- They met at the end of 2nd year and got along really quickly. They’re best friends. Period. They’re super well-attuned to and are quick to get defensive over each other. They’re like opposites attract, as Sugino is extroverted and Nagisa is more shy, and it’s adorable. They push each other out of their comfort zones.

[star-anise]

why would your social environment affect if you identify as a woman or nb?

I don’t know if you meant it to be, but this is a delightful question. I am going to be a complete nerd for 2k+ words at you.

“Gender” is distinct from “sex” because it’s not a body’s physical characteristics, it’s how society classifies and interprets that body. Sex is “That person has a vagina.” Gender is “This is a blend of society’s expectations about what bodies with vaginas are like, social expectations of how people with vaginas do or might or should act, behave, and feel, the actual lived experiences of people with vaginas, and a twist of lemon for zest.” Concepts of gender and what is “manly” and “womanly” can vary a lot. They’re social values, like “normal” or “legal” or “beautiful”, and they vary all the time. How well you fit your gender role depends a lot on how “gender” is defined.

800 years ago in Europe the general perception was that women were sinful, sensual, lustful people who required frequent sex and liked watching bloodsport. 200 years ago, the British aristocracy thought women were pure, innocent beings of moral purity with no sexual desire who fainted at the sight of blood. These days, we think differently in entirely new directions.

But this gets even more complicated, in part because human experience is really diverse and society’s narratives have to account for that. So 200 years ago, those beliefs about femininity being delicate and dainty and frail only really applied to women with aristocratic lineages, and “the lower classes” of women were believed to be vulgar, coarse, sexual, and earthy, which “explained” why they performed hard physical labor or worked as prostitutes.

Being trans or nonbinary isn’t just or even primarily about what characteristics you want your body to have. It’s about how you want to define yourself and be interpreted and interacted with by other people.

The writer Sylvia Plath lived 1932-1963, and she said:

“Being born a woman is my awful tragedy. From the moment I was conceived I was doomed to sprout breasts and ovaries rather than penis and scrotum; to have my whole circle of action, thought and feeling rigidly circumscribed by my inescapable feminity. Yes, my consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, bar room regulars–to be a part of a scene, anonymous, listening, recording–all is spoiled by the fact that I am a girl, a female always in danger of assault and battery.”

She was from upper-middle-class Massachusetts, the child of a university professor. A lot of those things she was “prohibited” from doing weren’t things each and every woman was prohibited from doing; they were things women of her class weren’t allowed to do. The daughters and sisters and wives of sailors and soldiers, women who worked in hotels and ran rooming houses, barmaids and sex workers, got to anonymously and invisibly observe those men, after all. They just couldn’t do it at the same time they tried to meet the standards educated Bostonians of the 1950s had for nice young women.

Failure to understand how diverse womanhood is has always been one of feminism’s biggest weaknesses. The Second Wave of feminism was started mostly by prosperous university-educated white women, since they were the people with the time and money and resources to write and read books and attend conferences about “women’s issues”. And they assumed that their issues were female issues. That they were the default of femaleness, and could assume every woman had roughly the same experience as them.

So, for example, middle-class white women in post-WWII USA were expected to stay home all the time and look after their children. Feminists concluded that this was isolating and oppressive, and they’d like the freedom to pursue lives, careers, and interests outside of the home. They vigorously pursued the right to be freed from their domestic and maternal duties.

But in their society, these experiences were not generally shared by Black and/or poor women, who, like their mothers, did not have the luxury of spending copious amounts of leisure time with their children; they had to work to earn enough money to survive on, which meant working on farms, in factories, or as cooks, maids, or nannies for rich white women who wanted the freedom to pursue lives outside the home. They tended to feel that they would like to have the option of staying home and playing with their babies all day. 

This is not to say none of the first group enjoyed domestic lives, or that none of the second group wanted non-domestic careers; it’s just that the first group formed the face and the basic assumptions of feminism, and the second group struggled to get a seat at the table.

There’s this phenomenon called “cultural feminism” that’s an attitude that crops up among feminists from time to time (or grows on them, like fungus) that holds that women have a “feminine essence”, a quasi-spiritual “nature” that is deeply distinct from the “masculine essence” of men. This is one of the concepts powering lesbian separatism: the idea that because women are so fundamentally different from men, a society of all women will be fundamentally different in nature from a society that includes men.

But, well, the problem cultural feminism generally has is with how it achieves its definition of “female nature”. The view tends to be that women are kinder, more moral, more collectivist, more community-minded, and less prone to violence. 

And cultural feminists tend to HATE people who believe in the social construction of gender, because we tend to cross our arms and go, “Nah, sis, that’s a frappe of misused statistics and The Angel In the House with some wishful thinking as a garnish. That’s how you feel about what womanhood is. It’s fair enough for you, but you’re trying to apply it to the entire human species. That’s got less intellectual rigor and sociological validity than my morning oatmeal.” Hence the radfem insistence that gender theorists like me SHUT UP and gender quite flatly DOESN’T EXIST. It’s a MADE-UP TERM, and people should STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. (And go back to taking about immutable, naturally-occuring phenomena, one supposes, like the banking system and Western literary canon.)

Because seriously, when you look at real actual women, you will see that some of us can be very selfish, while others are altruistic; some think being a woman means abhorring all violence forever, and others think being a woman means being willing to fight and die to protect the people you love. As groups men and women have different average levels of certain qualities, but it’s not like we don’t share a lot in common. The distribution of “male” and “female” traits doesn’t tend to mean two completely separate sets of characteristics; they tend to be more like two overlapping bell curves.

So, like I said, I grew up largely in rural, working-class Western Canadian society. My relatives tend to be tradesmen like carpenters, welders, or plumbers, or else ranchers and farmers. I was raised by a mother who came of age during the big push for Women’s Lib. So in the culture in which I was raised, it was very normal and in some ways rewarded (though in other ways punished) for women to have short hair, wear flannel and jeans, drive a big truck, play rough contact sports, use power tools, pitch in with farmwork, use guns, and drink beer. “Traditional femininity” was a fascinating foreign culture my grandmother aspired to, and I loved nonsense like polishing the silver (it’s a very satisfying pastime) but that was just another one of my weird hobbies, like sewing fairy clothes out of flower petals and collecting toy horses.

Within the standards of the society I was raised in, I am a decently feminine woman. I’m obviously not a “girly girl”, someone who wears makeup and dresses in ways that privilege beauty over practicality, but I have a long ponytail of hair and when I go to Mark’s Work Wearhouse, I shop in the women’s section. We know what “butch” is and I ain’t it.

But through my friendships and my career, I’ve gotten experiences among cultures you wouldn’t think would be too different–we’re all still white North Americans!–but which felt bizarre and alien, and ate away at the sense of self I’d grown up in. In the USA’s northeast, the people I met had the kind of access to communities with social clout, intellectual resources, and political power I hadn’t quite believed existed before I saw them. There really were people who knew politicians and potential employers socially before they ever had to apply to a job or ask for political assistance; there were people who really did propose projects to influential businessmen or academics at cocktail parties; they really did things like fundraise tens of thousands of dollars for a charity by asking fifty of their friends to donate, or start a business with a $2mil personal loan from a relative.

And in those societies, femininity was so different and so foreign. I’d grown up seeing femininity as a way of assigning tasks to get the work done; in these new circles, it was performative in a way that was entirely unique and astounding to me. A boss really would offer you a starting salary $10k higher than they might have if you wore high heels instead of flats. You really would be more likely to get a job if you wore makeup. And your ability to curate social connections in the halls of power really was influenced by how nice of a Christmas party you could throw. These women I met were being held, daily, to a standard of femininity higher than that performed by anyone in my 100 most immediate relatives.

So when girls from Seven Sisters schools talked about how for them, dressing how I dressed every day (jeans, boots, tee, button-up shirt, no makeup, no hair product) was “bucking gendered expectations” and “being unfeminine”, I began to feel totally unmoored. When I realized that I, who absolutely know only 5% as much about power tools and construction as my relatives in the trades, was more suited to take a hammer and wade in there than not just the “empowered” women but the self-professed “handy” men there, I didn’t know how to understand it. I felt like I was… a woman who knew how to do carpentry projects, not “totally butch” the way some people (approvingly) called me.

And, well, at home in Alberta I was generally seen as a sweet and gentle girl with an occasional stubborn streak or precocious moment, but apparently by the standards of Southern states like Georgia and Alabama I am like, 100x more blunt, assertive, and inconsiderate of men’s feelings than women typically feel they have to be.

And this is still all just US/Canadian white women.

And like I said, after years of this, I came home (from BC, where I encountered MORE OTHER weird and alien social constructs, though generally more around class and politics than gender) to Alberta, and I went to what is, for Alberta, a super hippy liberal church, and I helped prepare the after-service tea among women with unstyled hair and no makeup  who wore jeans and sensible shoes, and listened to them talk about their work in municipal water management and ICU nursing, and it felt like something inside my chest slid back into place, because I understood myself as a woman again, and not some alien thing floating outside the expectations of the society I was in with a chestful of opinions no one around me would understand, suddenly all made sense again.

I mean, that’s by no means an endorsement for aspirational middle class rural Alberta as the ideal gender utopia. (Alberta is the Texas of Canada.) I just felt comfortable inside because it’s the culture where I found a definition of myself and my gender I could live with, because its boundaries of what’s considered “female” were broad enough to hold all the parts of me I felt like I needed to express. I have a lot of friends who grew up here, or in families like mine, and don’t feel at all happy with its gender boundaries. And even as I’m comfortable being a woman here, I still want to push and transform it, to make it even more feminist and politically left and decolonized.

TERFs try to claim that trans and nonbinary people reinforce the gender identity, but in my experience, it’s feminists who claim male and female are immutable and incompatible do that. It’s trans, nonbinary, and genderqueer people who, simply by performing their genders in public, make people realize just how bullshit innate theories of gender are.. Society is going to want to gender them in certain ways and involve them in certain dynamics (”Hey ladies, those fellas, amirite?”) and they’re going, “Nope. Not me. Cut it out.” I’ve seen a lot of cis people who will quietly admit they do think men and women are different because that’s just reality, watch someone they know transition, and suddenly go, “Oh my god, I get it now.”

Like yes, this is me being coldly political and thinking about people as examples to make a political point. Everyone’s valid and can do what they want, but some things are just easier for potential converts to wrap their minds around.. “I’m sorting through toys to give to Shelly’s baby. He probably won’t want a princess crown, huh?” “I actually know several people who were considered boys when they were babies and never got one, and are making up for all their lost princess crown time now as adults. You never know what he’ll be into when he grows up.” “…Okay, point. I’ll throw it in there.” Trans and enby people disrupt gender in a really powerful back-of-the-brain way where people suddenly see how much leeway there is between gender and sex.

I honestly believe supporting trans and enby people and queering gender until it’s a macrame project instead of a spectrum are how we’ll get to a gender-free utopia. I think cultural feminism is just the same old shit, inverted. (Confession: in my head, I pronounce “cultural” with emphasis on the “cult” part.) 

I think feminism is like a lot of emergency response groups: Our job is to put ourselves out of a job. It’s not a good thing if gender discrimination is still prevalent and harmful 200 years from now! Obviously we’re not there yet and calls to pack it in and go home are overrated, but as the problem disappears into its solution, we have to accept that our old ways of looking at the world have to shift.

[terramythos]

TerraMythos' 2020 Reading Challenge - Book 33 of 26

Title: The Edge of Worlds (2016) (The Books of the Raksura #4)

Author: Martha Wells

Genre/Tags: Fantasy, Adventure, LGBT Protagonist, Third-Person

Rating: 9/10

Date Began: 11/28/2020

Date Finished: 12/09/2020

Two turns after The Siren Depths, Moon has settled into life in the Indigo Cloud colony with young children of his own. But when all the adult Raksura experience a disturbing, shared nightmare that foretells the destruction of their home at the hands of the Fell, things are about to change. Soon an expedition of strange groundlings visit The Reaches, claiming they need the Raksura to help investigate a mysterious abandoned city far to the west. Believing the two events are linked, Moon and the others embark on a journey to avert disaster. However, they soon find more than they bargained for when a Fell attack traps them in the deadly, labyrinthine city ruins.  

If eyes fall on this, and no one is here to greet you, then we have failed. Yet you exist, so our failure is not complete. 

Full review, some spoilers, and content warning(s) under the cut.

Content warnings for the book:  Graphic violence and action. Some mind control stuff (par for the course at this point). 

This is a difficult book to review because it is, for all intents and purposes, part one of a longer two-part story. While the three previous books were all self-contained, The Edge of Worlds isn't, even ending on a cliffhanger. I feel like this duology might have been written as a single book but got split for publishing reasons. As of this writing I have not read the next book, The Harbors of the Sun. So take what I say with a grain of salt, because my commentary assumes the next book will address certain things.

The Edge of Worlds’ core plot builds on threads from the previous book-- mysterious ancestors, bizarre dead cities, the Fell/Raksura crossbreeds, and so on. This book doesn't include any new details about the ancestors, which are just called "the forerunners", but I expect the next book to touch on this more, as it’s been a consistent Thing in the series. There's also another mysterious, ancient ruin critical to the plot. However, it’s pretty different than the underwater city in The Siren Depths, so doesn't seem repetitive. Oddly, it reminds me of House Of Leaves with its vast size, impenetrable darkness, and sentient (?) traps.

The book also explores Fell/Raksura crossbreeds in yet another way. Previous books depicted them as terrifying weapons (The Cloud Roads) or just weird looking Raksura (The Siren Depths). The Edge of Worlds splits the difference, introducing a Fell flight that seems much more sympathetic and reasonable than any encountered thus far-- led by a crossbreed queen. My criticism of the Fell way back in The Cloud Roads is they're basically an Always Chaotic Evil horde of predators, but this new idea adds a lot of nuance. Though I am assuming the next book goes into this more, as they’re just introduced here. It's important to remember the Fell and Raksura are descended from the same ancestor, and even though Raksura are the heroes of the story, there are a lot of similarities between the two species. Overall this is one of the most intriguing threads in the series, and I'm glad we keep coming back to it in new ways.

Another thing this book does differently is perspective. Moon is the POV character in the other main entries. While that's still true, there are several interludes from the perspectives of others. For practical purposes this is to show what's going on outside of the main party, particularly so Malachite showing up at the end doesn't feel like an asspull. Also, certain events really do need to be explained when Moon isn't present. I can respect that.

From a reading standpoint I really like these alternate points of view. They're all minor characters-- Lithe, Ember, Merit, River, and Niran-- which is an interesting choice. Ember's interlude is actually my favorite part of the book. It's fun to see a more "traditional" consort approach an awkward situation, and I like his initial struggle to accept and treat Shade (one of the crossbreeds and a personal fave of mine from the last book) as a regular consort. Ember comes off as very submissive in the rest of the series so it's fun to see him take charge. Also this part features a scene in which two intimidating Raksuran queens, Pearl and Malachite, have the most tense tea service of all time. It's just hilarious. 

This book actually has a trans analogue with the Janderan, the primary groundling species, who apparently choose their gender when they reach adulthood. Specifically there’s a focus on a young man named Kalam, who just took that step. This doesn't feel like the standard fantasy/scifi copout because humans literally do not exist in the series. Wells handles trans/nonbinary/agender characters (human and otherwise) extremely well in The Murderbot Diaries so I feel it’s in good faith. LGBT rep in the Raksura series has been great so far, honestly. Moon/Jade/Chime is like... canon, man.

Another general observation I haven't previously noted... I love how many interesting and varied flying ships there are in this world. They're all boat-like (nothing like airplanes) but there has been a different kind in each book. Considering that most of the main cast can fly it's interesting that flying ships are consistently integral to the plot. It would be so easy to cop out and design one ship that every society uses, but Wells really makes them all unique despite serving similar functions to the story. The ship in this one is organic, powered by living, cultivated moss. I dunno! I just think it’s neat. 

I do have one criticism for The Edge of Worlds, keeping in mind it's part one of a longer story. The pacing. This book is pretty slow; it takes a while to get going and then there are lots of lengthy travel sequences. As long as there’s interesting flavor to it, I generally don't mind this approach. It allows for breathing room and character interaction. But even I started feeling bored at points and had to power through. It feels like a lot of the travel could have been cut from the book without losing much. For example, the journey to the colony tree in The Serpent Sea took up maybe a few chapters. I appreciate travel in this series from a worldbuilding perspective, but in this case I think some time gaps would have been fine. The action doesn't pick up until the party arrives at the ruin, in the latter half of the book.

Also, this isn't really a criticism, but there are several references to the Raksura novellas and short stories. I haven't read them (yet) so they’re totally lost on me. I can't blame Wells for including references, both as a wink/nudge to people who have read them and because ignoring relevant ideas makes no sense. But as someone lacking context it comes off as awkward to have a character think “WOW, this is just like that one time Jade had to do this one thing!” and I’m just like “...it is???” 

Despite this I like just about everything else in the story, especially the second half. It really does feel like a proper finale, bringing back notable characters from throughout the series (not anyone from The Serpent Sea yet... I do have my suspicions here, though). River seems to be getting a mini redemption? The labyrinthine, dark city is creepy, and the artifact they find inside it is super unsettling. All the climactic action is intriguing, particularly regarding the new Fell crossbreeds. The novel ends abruptly, but that’s understandable since the next book leads right off from it. I'm really excited to see how the Raksura story concludes.

[albatris]

Hey hello I sent in an anon about starting tarot a while ago (I do not know when I know it was post quarantine starting but...time is wild) and i was wondering if you answered it? This isn't at all me trying to pressure you please please don't read it that way, i totally get it if you didn't! I just know that tumblr's search function is very broke and I'm scared I missed your answer, which would be sad. (I hope this doesn't sound like a bother it's genuinely all good if not I'm just checking!)

YES oh my gosh holy shit hello hi yes hi anon my dear I did in fact completely fucking forget to actually answer your original ask I am so sorry lmao

thank you for reminding me ajhdfgjhsdfg and again I’m so sorry it took me forever anyway I’m gonna just uhhhh look up your original ask real quick

OKAY so resources and starting decks! there are lots and lots of people who know more than me so I feel a little unqualified to answer this but I can tell you my thoughts?? but I definitely recommend looking into what other folks have to say on starting out, I’m sure there are lots of different opinions and ideas! :D

also sorry, it’s me you’re asking, so you’re not gonna get nice neat dot points and I’m not great at being concise, I’m just going to ramble if that’s ok, very sorry, very sorry

under the cut rambles

so........................

for learning meanings........ it’s a lot of work, there’s a lot of detail and a lot of different things to think about during readings, I’ve been learning tarot for around seven years on and off and I still don’t remember everything! 

so IMO it’s best not to come at tarot with the intent to Learn Everything before you start! it’s the perfect thing to learn as you go! my advice would be to just kinda throw yourself in. when you first get a deck, go through the cards and vibe with them some and look at their meanings, but mostly just kinda contemplate them, don’t try to memorise everything at once. start doing readings, look stuff up as you go............. I would recommend keeping a journal where you document your readings............ which will help you with memory and picking up on patterns and connections....... uhhhh

I really like using apps as a companion as well!  they can be a super good resource even if you don’t want to use them FOR readings necessarily

I use Galaxy Tarot as a convenient way to look up meanings and summaries of the cards when I just need to kinda jog my memory (though the descriptions aren’t super detailed), and it has a function where you can either do a reading with the app or you can do a reading yourself and then plug the cards you’ve drawn into the app, and it can help you with pointing out recurring themes and symbols and connections between the cards, which can be handy when you’re first starting out and maybe feel a little overwhelmed by the Amount Of Information you’re trying to take in

uhhhh another one I’ve used in the past is Labyrinthos Tarot, which is an app to help you learn and memorise the cards and their meanings., from what I can remember there are sorta, games and exercises to help with it, I forget exactly how it works since it’s been a while since I used it! but maybe that’s a good one to check out too?

I feel like apps is something i should’ve mentioned at the end but anyway moving on to the rest of it

most decks will come with a guidebook of some sort! so you’ve got the traditional rider waite tarot deck (which is probably the default deck most people think of when they think of tarot), and there are plenty of resources online such as Biddy Tarot which can give you a fairly detailed rundown of the card meanings! these meanings can be applied to variations of the rider waite cards, but lots of decks are a little wild and a little funky and are off doing their own thing while still following the basic rider waite structure, and if you receive a guidebook with a deck, that’s definitely an invaluable resource!! ‘cause it’ll give you the artist’s kinda interpretation and their meanings, their own personal touch, even if you then look up the card in more detail online

ALSO tarot is just a whole fuckin tonne about intuition as well though! so as much as it can feel like something where you need to focus on all the details and try and keep them all rigid and by-the-book, you might do a reading and feel yourself drawn in a certain different direction or just get a “feeling”, so you should definitely be open and flexible and listen to what your gut tells you as far as meanings go! plus, you will develop your own relationship to the cards and maybe draw your own personal meanings and associations! that’s definitely not something to fight against and don’t worry about whether that means you’re doing it “wrong” - you should listen to those feelings, those r important!! :D

lastly I will say, it can be helpful to have someone who is more experienced with tarot around who you feel you can ask for advice from or get second opinions from if there’s something you’re confused about! or who can give you tips and tricks from firsthand experience. like, it doesn’t have to be something you learn alone, and having a teacher or companion can be really helpful in terms of bouncing ideas and getting new perspectives! I throw this out there because I always forget to say things like this, ‘cause I forget that other people Are Not Me and other people like being around people lmao rip

and as far as starting decks go........... it really depends so much on what you want and what’s important to you! some people will say start with the traditional rider waite tarot, and if you decide to do that, you will certainly have a lot of resources at your disposal! it’s a valid place to start for sure

but there’s also SO many different decks out there with all sorts of themes and art and personality, and IMO......... I’d kinda urge you in the direction of choosing something you’re personally interested in and engaged with! it can make connecting with a deck easier and can help you stay interested and engaged during learning! but that’s just me

when I got my first deck the lady in the store kinda just took me to the collection of decks and just asked me which ones I vibed with and which one kinda called out to me or one I was drawn to, then she let me take a look at some of them and she showed me how to handle them and use them!! this was my first experience, n I was told just to go with what Feels Good And Right

n there’s so much cool art out there! and many interesting themes! you might not know which one you’ll latch onto until you see it, so take some time to look around and see what speaks to you c:

for instance, certain themes like cats or flowers, certain art styles, maybe certain series you’re into (I have two welcome to night vale decks n the raven’s prophecy by maggie stiefvater), or queer friendly decks! I have the Numinous Tarot which I ADORE, which is a deck with gorgeous artwork and extremely queer, all gender neutral language and lots of diverse designs, etc

so it depends what you’re into! take some time to feel it out, my friend

I would also like to throw out a mention to oracle decks as well! I actually started with oracle decks long before I used any tarot decks c: 

I am................... very tired. and blanking on the best way to explain the difference between oracle and tarot decks, but you can look into this if you’re interested! lots of people use both or use them in conjunction with each other and there’s benefits to both n so on and so forth........

but in terms of Starting Out, and getting comfy with doing readings? they can also be really helpful in this regard! I found since oracle decks can have any number of cards and are less “structured” than tarot decks in a way, it can be really helpful as a way to get comfortable with things if you find, just, the Amount Of Detail that is involved in tarot decks overwhelming!!

it was something that helped me get the ~feel~ of doing readings and sensing with the cards and vibin and such, n get some practice drawing connections between cards and deriving meanings from the stories the cards present! but in a way that’s not quite as...... overwhelming?? as traditional tarot decks?? I was SUPER intimidated by just how extensive tarot decks were when I first started and I thought I’d never figure out what I was doing HAHAHA

but again, it’s just practice, I think!

where tarot will follow the same 78 cards and structure and is very traditional and I guess “rigid” is not exactly the right word?? but yeah?? oracle decks are a lot more flexible in what they represent and a lot more loose in the structures they can take

I do love oracle decks because of how varied they are!! each one is its own little system and its own unique universe and it’s really quite lovely, even if you aren’t into Actually Doing Readings with them, y’know?

but then, I find tarot decks the same way, what will all the different art styles and different people’s interpretations and renditions of the same story, like, it’s really fascinating!! 

this has just turned into me rambling about how cool they are now

point is, do a little research into what sorts of decks and themes you might like to buy, when you get a chance I thoroughly recommend visiting a store so you can speak to someone who has some experience with tarot decks, they can help guide you when it comes to picking one and giving you some tips!! remember that it’s about intuition and following your gut as much as it is about memory and precision, so you should pick a deck that Feels Right

and uhhhhhhhhhhh

just kinda throw yourself in!! that’s literally my best advice!! you’re never gonna memorise everything beforehand (I’ve been learning on and off for seven years and I still often have to consult guidebooks and webpages) but you WILL absolutely learn as you go

it might feel very clumsy starting out, but as with any craft, you will improve with practice and begin to feel more comfy and confident with it as you go!

I hope this helped out some!! maybe!! possibly!!!!! ok goodnight!!!

[cardentist]

the transmisandry “debate” and the attitude towards trans men is so transparently a retreading of literally every exclusionary movement of the last few decades and Yet it’s being perpetrated and tolerated by what otherwise should be inclusionist spaces because it’s once again being pointed at a more “acceptable” target

like, on some level I understand the gut reaction, the term itself is associated with a lot of negativity and “mens rights activists” and the like have made the idea of men specifically facing oppression for being men at best laughable and at worst a red flag for violent misogyny. it’s one of those things that a lot of people in left leaning spaces take for granted as being true across the board, something they don’t need to think about or examine. and to be clear “they” included me for quite some time, I do understand where the feeling comes from

but it’s not about oppression for being men, it’s oppression for being trans men, it’s transmisandry for the same reason that transmisogyny is transmisogyny. it’s a term specifically meant to cast a net over the broad array of experiences that people have specifically as trans men to give them an outlet to both examine their experiences in relation to the wider community of trans men and to specifically seek and give reassurance and solidarity to each other. 

the bigger problem with this argument is that many people will resort to denying what I’ve just said in order to reject the proposed term, whether it’s something they’d actually believe once they examined the situation in earnest or not. because people act as though acknowledging that trans men face oppression for being trans men will open up the floodgates leading to cis straight white men convincing people that they’re oppressed for being men. so trans men Can’t be oppressed for being trans men because trans men are men and men aren’t oppressed.

so leading from this line of thought what you’ll generally see is the argument that what trans men experience is “just” transphobia, and if you press the issue or bring up a personal example you’ll almost as commonly get that anything else is “just” “misdirected” misogyny. and just, there’s so So much to unpack there that I’m almost tempted to just leave it where it is, but ignoring the issue won’t make it go away and I wouldn’t be writing this post if I didn’t want the issue to change.

the point with, I think, the least baggage is one that I’ve already touched upon, that being that the experiences of trans men and trans women are just naturally going to be different from each other and it’s useful for both parties to have language to talk specifically about their experiences, in the same way that it’s useful to examine the differences between the experiences of binary and nonbinary trans people. it doesn’t matter who you think has it “worse” because this isn’t a competition to see who’s oppressed enough to Deserve having their experiences heard. the urge for trans men to make a term to describe their experiences isn’t some way to try to argue that they’re more oppressed, it’s born from the inherent need to be understood and to see that other people exist in the way that you have. it’s the solidarity that brought the trans community together in the first place

a point leading off of that with probably significantly more baggage is the idea that queer and lgbt+ spaces are a contest to measure your oppression in the first place. don’t get me wrong, it Is useful to recognize different axis’ of oppression, to recognize larger patterns of violence faced by specific groups of people at a disproportionate rate. it helps us, as an entire community, identify the most vulnerable groups of people so we can lean into helping them on both a systemic and individual level, so we can see whose voices need to be boosted so they can be heard both in and out of the community. and moreover having these numbers and experiences together can help people outside of the community see that it’s is a problem as well. 

however, the issue comes in when perceived theoretical oppression is used as a social capital to decide who is and is not allowed to be heard. I’m sure I’ve already lost the ace exclusionists ages ago by now, so that’s a perfect example. at it’s most extreme ace exclusionism is blatant bigotry and hatred justified with the excuse that they’re protecting the queer and lgbt+ community from privileged invaders, and even when in it’s milder form ace exclusionism is powered by the idea that asexual people don’t face oppression. marginalized people are denied resources, solidarity, safe spaces, and voices because they’re painted as not being oppressed or not being oppressed Enough. this wouldn’t be able to happen if your worth as a member of the lgbt+ community wasn’t measured by how oppressed your particular minority group is, if it didn’t have the sway that it has. creating a power structure in any way at all leaves people with the ability to exploit that structure, and the specific one that’s emerged within the queer community and leftist spaces in general allows people to exploit it while hiding it as moral, while hiding that they’re causing any pain at all. it’s the same frame of mind that’s made bullying cool in activist spaces 

another reason why this hierarchy tends to fail on an individual level is, of course, that the level of oppression that an entire group faces does not dictate someone’s lived experiences, which is an idea that goes both ways. the argument over whether or not asexuals are oppressed is ultimately a meaningless distraction from the lived experiences of asexual people. it is a Fact that asexuals face higher levels of rape and sexual assault than straight people, you can deny that what they’re facing counts as oppression specifically but what does that matter? there are people who are suffering and that suffering can be lessened by allowing those people into our community, shouldn’t that be enough? likewise, comparing the suffering of individual people as if they were the same as the suffering of their respective groups combined is absolutely absurd. someone who is murdered for being a trans man isn’t less dead than someone who was murdered for being a trans woman. a trans woman isn’t Guaranteed to have lived a harder life than any and every other trans man just because of a difference in statistics, and the same can be said for literally every other member of the lgbt+ and queer communities. other community members aren’t concepts, they aren’t numbers, they’re people with unique lives and sorrows and joy. neither you or I or anyone else is the culmination of our respective or joint communities and some people need to learn how to act like it.

again, there is Meaning in seeing how our oppression is different, it’s not inherently wrong, but creating a framework where it can be used to paint a group of people as both lesser within the community and less deserving of help is creating a framework that can more than readily be abused. and because it positions the abused as privileged it creates a situation where the abuser can justify it to themselves. you use another minority as an outlet for the pain you feel under the weight of the same system that hurts them while denying their pain.

but to pull the conversation back to trans men specifically, lets examine lived experiences for a while longer. “misdirected misogyny” and “just misogyny” are both employed commonly in exclusionist spaces to deny that either someone’s oppression happened to them for the reason they say it did or to deny that their oppression is their own, and often times it’s both. for instance, the claim that ‘asexual people may face higher rates of sexual assault but That’s just because of misogyny (and/or misdirected homophobia)’ is used to deny that what asexual people face is oppression for being asexual. if you can’t deny that an assault victim was assaulted without either violating your own moral code or the moral code of the community you’ve surrounded yourself with then denying the cause of their assault is a more socially acceptable way of depriving them of the resources they need to address that assault. their pain wasn’t their own, it belongs to someone else, someone who’s Really oppressed.

in the context of trans men the argument is, of course, that they’re men. if they just so happen to face misogyny then it’s because they were mistakenly perceived as women. this works a convenient socially acceptable way to deny the lived experiences of a group you want to silence both in the ways that I’ve already illustrated And with the added bonus woke points of doing so while affirming someone’s gender identity in the process.

again, I want to reiterate, even if it were objectively true that all trans men face transphobia and misogyny totally separately, like a picky toddler that doesn’t want their peas anywhere near their mashed potatoes, that is ultimately an insufficient framework when talking about individual lives. there’s literally nothing wrong with trans men wanting to talk about their lived experiences with other trans men in the context of them Being trans men. being black isn’t inherently a part of the trans experience but being black Does ultimately affect your experiences as a trans person and how they impact you and it’s meaningful to discuss the intersection of those two experiences on an individual level. 

but it just, Isn’t true. this shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, but trans men were born in bodies that are perceived as being women, misogyny is a Feature to the experiences of trans men inherently. even trans men who are fully transitioned, have full surgery, have all their papers worked out, completely pass, move to a new state and changed their name, and have zero contact with anyone who ever knew them before or during their transition still lived a significant portion of their lives under a system that was misogynistic against them. of course there’s still a spectrum of personal experiences with it, just like there are with cis women and trans women, but to present the misogyny that trans men face as “accidental” is just absurd.  and moreover, most trans men Aren’t the hypothetical Perfect Passing Pete. I’ve identified as trans for seven years now and I frankly don’t have the resources to even begin thinking about transitioning and won’t for what’s looking to be indefinitely, I don’t even begin to come within the ballpark of passing and it Sure Does Show. misogyny is just as present in my life as it would be for a cis woman but the difference is that I’m not supposed to talk about it.  and even barring That there are transitioned trans men who face misogyny specifically because they are trans men, before during and after transition. you could argue that that’s “just” transphobia but you could do the same for transmisogyny. if we can acknowledge that trans women have experiences that specifically come from their status as women who can be wrongly perceived as men then we should all be able to acknowledge that trans men have experiences that specifically come from their status as men who can be wrongly perceived as women and that both the similarities and differences between these experiences are worth talking about. 

another issue with painting it as “just” misogyny that ties pretty heavily into what I was just talking about is the fact that men don’t have the same access to spaces meant to talk about misogyny that women do.  again, this is something that makes sense on a gut level, it’s not like cis men are being catcalled while walking to 7/11. but like, a lot of trans men are. misogyny is a normal facet in the lives of trans men but male voices are perceived as being invaders in spaces meant to talk about misogyny, both in and out of trans specific spaces and conversations

trans men lose a solidarity with women that they do not gain with men. there’s a certain pain and othering that comes with intimately identifying with the experiences of a group of people while being denied that those experiences are yours, of being treated the same way for the same reason but at once being aware that the comfort and understanding being extended isn’t For you and feeling like you’re cheating some part of your sense of self by identifying with it.

part of that is just the growing pains of getting used to existing as a trans person, but that in and of itself doesn’t mean that we aren’t allowed to find a solution. if trans men can’t, aren’t allowed, or don’t want to speak about their experiences in women’s spaces then why not allow them to talk about their experiences together? the fact that we even have to argue over whether or not trans men Deserve to talk about their experiences is sad enough in it’s own right, but even sadder is inclusionists, people who should frankly know better at this point, refusing to stand up for trans men because someone managed to word blatant bigotry in an acceptable way Once Again.

[ribcagecarnival]

ADMIT ONE • VIOLET SKIES

I first heard Violet’s music while coping with heartbreak in January 2019. Her song “Cry For Me” is peak crying on the dance floor music, which is, frankly, the only genre that matters. A year later, she caught a set of mine at a house show, and we immediately linked up to write. Turns out we have great musical chemistry and we get along very well just as people, too. Her music often calls MUNA and Robyn to mind for me, but her love for folk titans like Joni Mitchell is also apparent. Check out this playlist of songs that move the wonderful Violet Skies (plus her reasons behind each selection). Her ticket to the Carnival is good for a lifetime.

A Case of You - Joni Mitchell The song I wished I’d written. The song I try to write. The lyrics, the melody - HOLY WTF. Unimaginable genius that she is, and the most simultaneously clear and vague expression of love’s totality. 14 year old me heard this through my Dad, who said Joni Mitchell was a true artist and made sure I listened to every single one of her albums. I will NEVER be over this song. Even the title is just insanely beautiful in its duality of meaning.

Zero to Hero - Hercules Hercules was my first true introduction as a child to gospel music (I grew up in Wales don’t judge me) and honestly the vocals on this film, insane. The runs, harmonies, energy - as a child it was nothing like I’d heard before and I learnt this song back to front and still to this day I think it’s insanely good songwriting, musicality is just *chef’s kiss* and the women on this song MAKE that entire film.

Can’t Help Loving That Man of Mine - Showboat Original Recording I sang this 3 times for my ‘show song’ portion of my singing grades. Everyone else usually chose something like Phantom of the Opera or something more classical, because it was a classical singing grade. So I’d sing like a few arias, something in German and then three years in a row I sang this because I thought it was (aged 12) the most wonderful song ever. Lyrically, it’s rather toxic for a 12 year old girl, honestly, but I was a hopeless romantic and having never kissed a boy at 12, the VIBES on this song were just so dramatic and I loved it. Also Showboat had me and my sister in tears the first time we watched it aged 6, I don’t think my Mam realised how traumatic it was when she put it on for us to watch.

Goodnight My Angel - Billy Joel Billy Joel, songcrafter extraordinaire, writes lullaby for his daughter, I die. I aspire to this level of craftsmanship and yes, this also makes me cry. Please go and listen to this song.

Make You Feel My Love - Adele’s version Bob Dylan wasn’t someone my parents played so I didn’t know he wrote this. Adele is just TONE and WARMTH and this song again, is so dramatic and over the top and also subtle in a way that moves my very being. I sung this so many times as a teenager and it began my love for Adele. Ballads never get old, the good ones age like fine wine (I don’t actually like wine but whatever) and they continue to be relevant and timeless in their message.

Samson - Regina Spektor Only recently did I realise that this song has affected my songwriting and is 100% behind my obsession with the chromatic 1-2-3-4 chord progression that is the PERFECT pre-chorus in my opinion. This song is just GENIUS. A song about a modern day relationship with Samson, iconic in its own way (Wonderbread!), paralleled with the original Biblical tale of Samson. Melody and lyric and piano come together in a way that really separates Regina from her peers and this song will live on for decades. The song is so specific, almost unrelatable-to in content, but it makes so much sense on an emotional level and that, that, is songwriting.

Kate Bush - Running Up That Hill She wrote it. She produced it. She’s a feminist searching for equality of experience. She’s exploring gender. She’s talking to God. She’s creating iconic sounds before her time. She is Kate Bush and I will not hear a word said against her. Big Boi does a whole interview on this song and he GETS IT. Go watch that because he explains it so well.

At Last - Etta James I sung this at every talent show I ever did and every shitty pub gig in my teens. This song! Her voice! Nobody sings like Etta. She is effortless. This song shaped my voice and I credit this song and Etta James with helping me learn runs, vocal control across my chest and head voice, and how to really sing something and mean it. When people talk about how music of black origin underpins all modern music, it’s songs like this and artists like Etta they are talking about. She is a foundation, a cornerstone in the development of the modern vocal.

Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap Imogen Heap is really tall in real life and even more wonderful. I heard this first through my sister who played it to me in the car and I lost my mind. THE VOCODER. The melody. I don’t ever know what she means really, completely, (like Bon Iver) but like, god i feel it. *That* moment in the song is so insane and I hear it all the time in my own music. Wild! It’s so wild how 30 seconds of a song can change the entire way you think about music and shape your own musicality.

I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know - Donny Hathaway Amy Winehouse sings in Rehab “cos there’s nothing you can’t teach me…that I can’t learn, from Mr Hathaway”. She’s talking about Donny Hathaway and she’s right. Donny Hathaway’s voice is bottled soul, a depth of feeling most normal musicians will never in their lives. He ‘taught’ Amy and it shows. This song I covered and never released, but I also practiced production for the first time when I made it. The drama of this lyric too - admitting he isn’t perfect, knowing he doesn’t express his love properly but yet this song is the ultimate expression of love.

Wannabe - Spice Girls Changed my life. First album I ever got (from the tooth fairy). The Spice Girls were the soundtrack to my very early years and there are many videos of me doing dance routines to this song. If I wanted to be a pop star, this is where it started. Also don’t tell me that ZigAZigAHHH isn’t genius!?! This song is something a modern Kpop band would release. That iconic laugh at the start?! I went to their reunion tour with my sister, she was a few month’s pregnant and we both BAWLED because the nostalgia and full circle moment was just too much.

Love Is A Losing Game -  Amy Winehouse Lyrical perfection. Real songwriting. Conceptually perfect. Amy Winehouse changed my life because I saw a woman with a guitar on stage singing lyrics I understood, lyrics I thought were clever and funny and vocally she just outshone everyone around her. When Amy passed away I was at a friend’s garden party, my Mam rang me and I cried in the toilets and no one could understand why I was so sad, she’s the only famous person I’ve ever really cared about like that. I felt I knew her and I owed her so much. The world owed her more and I miss her. I love to imagine what she would be like in today’s music world and what she would be writing. But the two albums were enough to keep me listening for a lifetime. This song won an Ivor Novello award and I think it is real art.

Jealous - Labrinth I’m jealous I didn’t write this song. I think this song is on most people’s I WISH lists and does it even need explaining!?!

33”GOD” - Bon Iver What do the lyrics mean? How do you pronounce Bon Iver? What does the title mean? How do you even arrive at this song when you start writing?! The production is so game changing and the Bon Iver SOUND is so unique and has affected the entire music industry, seeping in to pop and mainstream. Even Taylor knows. But this song is the one I played on repeat. I still don’t know the lyrics but I know I feel like a firecracker underwater when I listen to it and that can’t be a bad thing.

Rude Boy - Rihanna This is one of the sexiest songs ever. It changed how I thought about women and what it means to be comfortable in yourself and your own sexuality. I’m just gonna leave it at that.

Retrograde - James Blake “SUDDENLY I’M HIT” and my entire brain blows off. I played this on repeat when I moved to London and when I finally met him a year or two later I said probably nothing of consequence and likely made an arse of myself but what I should of said was “retrograde changed my life”. It shaped how I think about production, made me think about synths and the interaction between organic and synthetic sounds and the use of a songwriter’s song in a non traditional setting. James sets the bar so high for all of us and we just jump around trying to come anywhere close.