#i kinda forgot about some fics i wrote this year so looking back at all of them made me really happy (and surprised with how much i wrote!)

[unclewaynemunson]

✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

I was tagged by @heybluechild for this one, thank you my love this is such a fun way to look back on the year that's almost behind us <3

rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

words and fics: 140,561 words in 17 fics

top 3 fics by kudos:

Not my type - 1618 kudos - Wayne tries to set Eddie up with Steve. Eddie is, however, one hundred percent convinced Steve is not his type.

I'll bring you flowers (in the pouring rain) - 666 kudos (hehe) - Steve has changed a lot since high school, but is Eddie aware of that?

Roses & Sunshine - 665 kudos - the homoerotic guitar lessons AU ft. Steve's little sister

my fandom fic events of 2023: of course Lex's amazing seasonal challenges AND idk if this counts as a fic event buuuut Lex's wedding fic challenge was definitely a highlight of this year! Another thing I loved doing was making covers for the angstflayer's greatest hits collection :D

upcoming projects for 2024: not planning anything huge, but I would love to actually finish the edancy siblings saga (and maybe write that hallmark christmas movie au that has existed as nothing but vibes in my head for over a year). Other than that, I haven't been writing as much lately, so I mainly hope to keep finding motivation, because writing has honestly given me a lot of joy and I would hate to lose that.

reflections: I've never before been as active in a fandom for such a long time. This means I got to try some stuff I wouldn't have thought to do, which has been super exciting! I'm very proud of The difference between a poem and a love letter, because I wrote a version of Steve I'd never have envisioned myself, but it turned out working very well! I'm also proud of some stuff I wrote that doesn't shy away from heavier subjects, like I will love your shadow, Out of the prison cell and into the ocean, and Until you face the rope.

I also want to reflect on the fics that have just been A LOT of fun: And suddenly we're Thelma and Louise has been one of the fics with the most amazing vibes, and Not all of us can afford to be romantic was a very short pride & prejudice au nobody asked for but had me giggling kicking my feet like no other!

Tagging: no pressure ofc but I'll tag @thefreakandthehair @henderdads @withacapitalp @stevethehairington @shares-a-vest @pizzaqueen @flowercrowngods and @frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe

[bellgraves]

I'm sorry for this, I'm still sick and I was all day in bed. Sorry for grammar mistakes, I wrote this on my phone in note app 😓🤦🏻‍♀️

Warning: mild mention of sex.

You're a Shadow and Graves wife. Also part 2 of my none name fic, because I forgot to name my own fic. Uhhh..😣🤧 Anyway there you go

Phillip Graves / Reader

Graves didn't like it what was going on. He was walking back and forth in his mansion. He didn't like that you had misterious phone calls and you disappeared in other rooms when you were talking. You become cold towards him. Didn't want to have sex with him since 2 weeks. That pissed him off the most. When you were home you loved to make love to each other. Now you were kinda.... avoiding him? His first thought was that you're working for someone else. Or you are doing some illegal things. The last thought it was that you're cheating on him. But that's impossible. You're too loyal for this. But are you? You never flirt with other soldiers and it doesn't matter if that was Shadows, Task Force or other team. You were professional. Always friendly, respectful but with boundaries. So what you're really up to? Graves has to know. Otherwise he will explode and just throw you into the bed and fuck you into oblivion until you spill all your secrets. He went upstairs looking for you.

Honey did you finish your shower? He entered the bathroom without knocking. You were not there. Graves looked in every room. You were not home. What the hell? Just 15 minutes ago you told him that you're going to take shower after gym. So where are you??

It was late at night. Graves was sitting in the living room with small light, waiting for you like a police detective. You finally get back home. You looked amazing. Wearing short, black dress with high heels. But at the same time you were little tipsy.

Oh baby, you're not sleeping? You asked with sweet smile.

Where have you been? You didn't told me you're going out. Graves got up and took few quick steps. He stood infront of you and examined you very carefuly.

Phillip... we need to talk. Please. You took his hand and pull him into the couch. You sit on his lap.

What is it? Why I have to worry about you? Graves had offended tone.

You took a deep breath.

Baby... Before you get upset listen to me.

Go on. Phillip situated you on his lap comfortable.

I went to a bar with a friend. She is a girl that I met during my last mission. We get along and I just wanted to go out. I just.... you stopped for a moment. You caressed with fingers Graves chest.

Phillip... Last mission.. and the one before.. It was too much for me. Too much violence, too much blood and death.

Graves slowly was caressing your back and listened to you carefuly.

I know that you're one of the best soldiers and commanders in the world. You thrive in war. You're in your element when you can have a gun fight and kick some asses. You smile to him softly.

But... it became too much for me. It's overwhelming. Last year was only war and missions for me. For us. I just wanted to go out and feel like a normal person. To forgot about evilness of this world. Just to drink and dance for fun. To feel that I'm a human... not a war machine. I'm sorry baby if I neglected you. You caress his cheek with the scar.

I need some time off the missions. I want to do more of my wife duties. Cook for you, take care of you. Making this house warmer with love.

Graves took your hand and kissed it.

Sweetie, you should've told me about this. You know you can tell me everything. I got you. You're my wife and if you feel bad or uncomfortable you need to tell me this. You know I would burn the world for you, just to make you happy and safe.

Phillip... you whined and kissed his lips.

He kissed you back, enjoying your closeness. He felt relieved that nothing bad is actually happening.

You broke the kiss.

Baby.. I need to tell you something more but please don't be mad.. You kissed his cheek

Honey, you know I can't be mad at you when you look so sexy. Phillip kissed your chin and went down to your neck.

Baby.. I lost my earring tonight. You showed him your ear.

You know.. this was from the sapphire set that you bought me from Italy...I'm so sorry.

You almost cried. You were still little drunk and felt overwhelmed.

I can buy you thousands of these sets. A thousands sapphire, diamond or emerald earrings you want. Graves laughs and kissed your lips.

I love you so much... You're truly the best husband I could've dream of... You kissed him again. But please tell me that you forgive me. I need to hear that.

Okay, okay. I forgive you. He laughs again.

Now... He stands up. You strangled his waist with your legs. He took you up.

I want to fuck my beautiful, sexy wife. Alright?

Graves took you to your shared bedroom and put you on the bed. He quickly undressed you and himself and started to kiss you like there is no tomorrow.

*********************************************

Intense making love and alcohol from the party got you fall asleep quickly in Graves arms. But he wasn't asleep. He was holding you in his bare chest and caress your head. After he made sure that you're asleep, he slowly released himself from your embrace. He got up from bed and as sly fox he is, he took your phone from your purse and went to bathroom. He checked your messages and phone calls. He noticed one number that you particulary were calling few times recently. Also you called this number before you left the house.

Graves had a plan. He called this number from your phone. He was waiting few signals before there was answer in the other side.

Hello? It was a woman's voice. Graves felt relieved.

Good evening. I'm your friend's husband. My name is Phillip Graves.

Good evening Mr Graves. Something happened?

Yes..listen.. my wife is busy, she is... taking a bath. And she asked me to call you and ask if you have seen her earring? She lost it in the party. It was family heirloom and she is sad that she lost it. Graves come up with a lie.

Oh I'm sorry... I haven't seen it. But if I will find it, I will defently give it to her.

Yea, thanks a lot, and sorry for late call. Have a good night. Graves ended the call.

He was so happy and relieved. You didn't cheat on him. You really made friend with a girl. And you had some stress relieving party. Nothing bad.

Graves came back to bed and he hugged you tight from behind. He kissed your neck.

I love you so much. He whispered before he fell asleep too.

**********************************************

The woman looked at phone when Graves ended the call. She was sitting at the bar. She gave back the phone to a man with mohawk who was sitting next to her.

Thanks cousin. You're really the best. Said Soap and and took the phone.

How did you know that is her husband calling and not her? She asked.

We have agreement to not call each other after midnight. Soap said with small smile.

Johnny... that girl is not good for you. She will bring you only troubles. Also she is married to very dangerious man. Soap's cousin looked really worried.

Dangerious you say... Soap put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a blue sapphire earring. He turned it over in his fingers several times. He knew exact moment when you lost it. It was in the hotel room, few hours ago, when Soap had you pinned into the wall and pumped his member into you. You were holding into his arms and threw your head back. That's when your earring fell off. Soap took it from the carpet later and hide it into his pocket.

Johnny.. you know I will always support you. But this is bad idea. You had your fun. Leave this girl alone and find yourself someone better. Soap's cousin took a sip from her drink.

No. She is perfect to me. Soap still felt your sweet arousal in his mouth. He ran his tounge across the roof of his mouth. He chuckled and took a sip of his beer.

Perfect for me.

@candy616

@xxavengingangelxx

I did it for you because I love your blogs and you make me love cod even more ❤❤

[michelle4eve]

Moots <33 

              (No specific order, I love all you guys!)

@aia45

-Newer moot! Hihi :) Who's your bias btw? 

@gimmeurtummy

-I literally love you, I appreciate you comforting me when I was about to cry and you're so kind it hurts 🤭 I hope we continue to talk and be bsfs :]

@lovablewh0re

- I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 😚❣ MY BBY SARANGHEAYO 😡💋

@linosssss

- I dunno yet D: But here, have hearts because I haven’t got anything to say ❣️💕💓

@galaxycatdrawz

-I dunno you much yet I'm so sorry 😞 I just watch your interactions with others (sometimes I interact with you too :O) and I want to get closer with u :)

@milf-ivy

-I'm sorry, I forgot all interactions I have had with you (if i had any), you’re very sweet tho😭 But uhm here's some hearts 💕 💖 💓 ♥ 💗 ❤ 

@sashaelfel

-OMGG I LOVE YOUR ART BROO? LIKE EVERYTHING LOOKS SO GOOD AND I WANT TO EAT IT FROM HOW IT LOOKS. YOU ARE ONE TALENTED MF ❣💕💓

@bluejutdae

-Hii, I didn’t know we were moots?? I hope we can talk? <33

@livelovelaughmiko

-So sweet?? Adorable even?? Like you srsly have stolen my heart.. I smiled like a dumb fool, your lil photo bombs make my day/few days <33 Hehe :] 

@writingforstraykids

-Literally a celebrity so I'm intimidated, and I love your writing 😚 I will binge your series as promised soon 🙏

@got-me-seein-stars

- How are you doin? Thanks for checking up on me and all, I really appreciate it :] Hope you're doing alright! 

@thatonedemigodfromseoul

-You better get me some sushi so I can try it 😤And you(r)e (dog is) cute <33 Also, please stop murdering and/or committing arson 🙏

@binnies-binna-deactivated202403

- … Babes.. One moment you're there and the next you deactivated 😭

@minholing

-MWAH 😚💕💕❣❣ (I can't figure out what to say, so here's hearts ♡♡♡)

@cinnamostar

- Hihihi how are you doing, i remember smth abt this guy from a party? How's that lol, and I love your fake texts :]

@143staytiny

-Literally so fuking sweet Ily <33  your long paragraphs kinda intimidate me..but it's a-ok! Some people write long texts, some short. Alsooo WHERE IS THE PLAYLIST 😭😭 

@zee-143

-No but I actually luv u, might be stalking me though 🧐 and ur headcanons/lil oneshots  stole my heart.. Ngl I didn't know you wrote them, I should pay more attention to the authors.. We're officially besties now whether you like it or not. 😇 And we be matching 🤭

@lixxpix

-Hihihi I'm so sorry I forgot you 😔 I honestly have no idea if we've interacted before.. ilyt 😅💕💕 Mwah mwah 💋❣

@azuna-sz

-Hiii! Newest mootie here :] I hope we get to know each other more. How's your day been so far?

@viviworkshere

-Hi mon cheri, I think I've won the boop war earlier hehe. You're cute and I loved your fic, I like you, take care

@sona1800

-So sweet and very cool 😎 I have no clue what to say so bare with me D:

@crispxxxx

- I feel like you’re stalking me pt.2 🧐 But uhm, I srsly don't know what to say but you seem cool :DD

@atinyniki

-Are you ok bro, don't die. Ilyy 🤭💕 I'm a big fan

@yangbbokari

-Why are you still here lol, sending ❣❣❣💕💕💓💓

@jinnie-ret

-Hehe, hi. I love your writing :DD I like you too :DD

@cheesemonky

-First to adopt me, my momma. If it isn’t obvious enough, I rly like u! And your writing is amazing too, you’re very admirable and I’m 100% sure you’re very pretty

@theoncelerswifearoo

-My first ever moot here! I don’t think I’ve actually talked with you lol 😓 Wayyyy back when I was in my onceler phase (a year ago?), we became moots :)  I don’t even know if you use tumblr anymore tbh…

@skzoologist

-Omg when I first talked to you, I thought I was dreaming or smth.. Like, I love everything about you and you know me now?? 🤯 And now, we talk more 😌 I'm improving with my sleep schedule btw! I don't rly take baths that late anymore 🥳 

@silverstarburst

- I just watch your interactions from afar so I dunno what to say for you 😭 here’s a heart?? <33

@foivestarrsketchez

-I do not remember if we interacted before.. But you seem cool, let's be friends 💜 

@crabrangoongirl25

-I dunno you that much yet I'm so sorry 🙏💕 You seem cool and I'm kinda intimidated 

@lilistayskz

-I don't know you that much yet I'm so sorry 😞 I hope we get to talk more and become closer hehe

@homuncvlus

-I don't know you much yet I'm so sorry 😞💞 But I see you pop up a lot in my feed and activity hehe 💓 

@nyukyujs

-I dunno you much yet 😞 But uhm I like your writing and 💞❣💕

@dwaekkiforpresident

-🧍‍♀️I'm kinda intimidated by you, 😚💕

I'M SORRY IF THESE AREN'T GREAT, I WAS QUITE LITERALLY PANICKING WHILE WRITING THIS BECAUSE WHAT IF ONE OF YOU GUYS GET OFFENDED OR SMTH SO I APOLOGIZE 🙏 I LOVE YOU ALL MWAH MWAH 😚💕💋❣💓💗

IF YOU AREN'T HERE PLEASE TELL ME DD: I MUST'VE FORGETTEN ...

[misc-obeyme]

Hi! I hope you're well. I'm sending you a request for Headcaons for Simeon, if it's still possible, rather Hurt/Comfort on the theme that Simeon's become human. I loved the text you wrote for him for the 500 followers event with the word Fear. I really wanted to get into the fic to give him a hug and reassure him. Take care of yourself and have a nice day!

Hi there, anon!

Oh wow, I kinda forgot all about that little scene I wrote! It's right here in case anybody would like to read it. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

So okay, I really tried to do this theme justice. I have a lot of feelings about Simeon and him becoming human. I hope it turned out okay! I think I could write quite a bit on this theme and never tire of it. There's just so much potential.

Thank you for participating!

COZY COMFORTS EVENT

GN!MC x Simeon on becoming human

Warnings: spoilers for season four of OG

Simeon will never forget how it felt when he became human. The reassuring warmth of his angelic power dissipated, leaving him feeling empty and incomplete. Throughout the many years of his existence, that power was always within him. It defined him, heralding him as an angel, giving him the means to survive in all three worlds - places where magic and demons also thrived. The second that power left him, it was replaced by an endless barrage of questions. Who was he without it? Who was he without his wings? What did it even mean to be human? Would he ever feel like he knew himself again?

He can't tell you. Whenever he looks into your eyes, he thinks about sharing this new truth with you. And yet every time, he holds back. He's too full of the need to protect you from the burden of it. It's the only way he has to protect you. Once he could watch over you, he could be your guardian angel. Now all he could do was keep his secrets.

He can tell that you're aware that something has changed. He wants to confide in you, but just thinking about speaking to you about it makes his gut twist. He's sure some of the others already know. He's noticed how Solomon and Lucifer seem to be watching out for him more than usual. Will you catch on? Will you guess what has happened without him having to say it? Is that better or worse?

Simeon had given up so much to stay in the Celestial Realm when Lucifer and his brothers fell. Deliberately standing on the sidelines so he wouldn't be ousted himself, but unable to join the fight on the side of the angels he cared so deeply about. A demotion to archangel was only a small sting in comparison to the guilt of knowing he had left Lucifer and the others to fall without him. This time he couldn't stay out of it. This time he had made the choice to help Lucifer. This time it had cost him more than just his angelic rank. Without his wings, he could never go back to the Celestial Realm. He had lost more than just his understanding of himself. He had lost his home, too.

Simeon thinks perhaps he should feel guilty. Perhaps he should be ashamed. But though he maintains his calm and collected exterior, inside he knows that he would make the same choice a million times over. And beneath that there boils a secret rage. His choice saved the worlds, his choice kept you safe. Despite everything, Simeon knows he did the right thing. He did it for you, but he did it for the state of the three worlds, too. Maybe he deserves this punishment, but he can't bring himself to regret his decision. Every time he sees your smile, his conviction strengthens.

You learn the truth eventually, of course. And when you do, Simeon is blown away when he sees your eyes fill with the deepest love. He's baffled by your reaction. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting. Disappointment? Confusion? Outrage? And yet, you're all softness and warmth. You encompass him, a light he didn't realize he was missing until that very moment.

It takes some time. Simeon has to learn what it means for him to be human now. He has to find his purpose again, find himself. You stay by his side, a steady presence, a gentle comfort, and a reminder of what a human can be. You're stronger than him now, protecting him where he can longer protect you. And yet, he finds he doesn't mind. You're an inspiration to him, MC. You are something special, something he can never become, but perhaps he can learn to be something new, too.

A day comes when Simeon looks at you and realizes that you have filled the empty hole where his angelic self once was. Your smile, your patience, your endless love, how you accept him no matter what. And he sees that he would rather have you than all the angelic power in the Celestial Realm. He had been confused and frightened for so long, not knowing his place in the world any longer. It was an ache so wide within him he didn't think he could ever move past it. Now he sees he hasn't lost his home. It's always been right here, with you.

cozy comforts | masterlist | Thank you for reading!

[atmilliways]

Wrong On The Money (32)

part 32 of ?? | 1207 words | Teen+

Blackmail fic on Ao3 | on tumblr

Summary:

Steve bursts through the door like some sort of floppy haired, athletic puppy. “Hey Eds, look who I found!”  He’s dragging someone behind him by the wrist, and a very nonplussed Jeff waves hello.

(cw references to Billy's racism)

32.

Eddie has finally moved up from bed rest to shuffling around the house sometimes as long as he takes frequent breaks. Which he’s happy to do, because his PT exercises always kick his ass right into nap time. The new couch in the new living room is actually comfortable, and it's a relief to escape from his now over-familiar bedroom.

Steve bursts through the door like some sort of floppy haired, athletic puppy. “Hey Eds, look who I found!” 

He’s dragging someone behind him by the wrist, and a very nonplussed Jeff waves hello. Mouth dropping open, Eddie raises one hand for a weak wave back. 

“I have to go back to the store,” Steve says, all but bouncing on the balls of his feet as he circles back to the door. “I kinda forgot about groceries for a minute there, so, still need to get those. But you two should catch up!”

“Uh, okay?” Eddie says, and Steve flashes him a grin and two thumbs up before disappearing again. 

“What,” Jeff starts, sounding shaken, “just happened?”

Eddie shrugs. “Steve Harrington.”

“He knows where you live? He calls you Eds?”

“If it helps, the nickname is new. And, uh . . . he kind of lives here too. Loooong story.”

Jeff shoots him an incredulous look. Then he asks where the PBR is, shaking his head when Eddie admits that he can’t drink on his meds so there's none in the house. (“I can have one beer,” Eddie has whined many times, but always gets a blunt no from Wayne or Steve in response. He’s given up on sulking about it.)

First, they sit on the couch with a can of Coke each and catch up. 

Jeff’s family did leave Hawkins, but only until it was declared safe again. They’re staying with his aunt on the outskirts of town—and Eddie doesn’t know her number, which is why his calls never went through. Jeff’s actual house is still undergoing repairs before they can move back in. He’s taking a year off before college to take some of the financial pressure off his parents.

Gareth and his mom are camped out in a hotel, taking advantage of the government’s emergency subsidies for families whose houses were totally leveled. They’ll probably stay in town and buy new. 

“Frank’s folks had to move, though,” Jeff admits. “He’s on the other side of Roane County now. The high school over there doesn’t even have a D&D club.” A pause. “Oh, and I wrote to Margaret, she’s coming to visit next month to, and I quote, ‘take in the ineffable shitshow that is Hawkins, Indiana.’ I think New York is getting to her, man.”

And shit, it’ll be good to see Margaret again, same way it’s good to see Jeff and it’ll be good to see Gareth. Frank too, whenever he can swing by. Because the thing about being suddenly folded into a new friend group of monster hunters is . . . Eddie still misses his old gang. One is silver and the other’s gold, and all that bullshit. 

Eddie, for his part, gives a perfunctory explanation of the house (“Government restitution for our old place and my criminal record going through the meat grinder”) and Steve’s presence (“We talked it out, the past few months he’s just been . . . paying rent in advance”). 

Silence creeps in. Eddie sips at his Coke, slurping it in little mouthfuls as if that might continue to delay the inevitable. 

It doesn’t.

“So . . . what the hell happened, man?” 

Eddie tries not to look directly at his friend. “You mean to Hawkins?” He’d signed a shit-ton of NDAs while high off his ass on painkillers, but that still feels like the easier question to answer. 

“Dude, everyone knows about the earthquake,” Jeff scoffs. “I mean with Harrington. If you talked it out with him, why is he playing the Alfred to your Bruce Wayne?”

Thinking back to the demobats, Eddie snorts. If only Jeff knew. 

He doesn’t tell him, though. Not because of the legalities—fuck that shit, this whole mess was the government’s fault to begin with, he’s pretty sure. It’s just that, Eddie wishes he didn’t have to know. He’s not going to inflict that on a friend. 

But he does explain about Steve, more or less. 

“Okay,” Jeff says finally. “So you’re telling me that gas leak a few years ago killed Barbara Holland actually in his backyard, and the government covered it up but he still felt guilty for some reason, so he started making up for it by being less of a douchebag.” Pausing for a moment, Jeff frowns as he goes over it in his head the same way he would a campaign, ticking unspoken points off on his fingers. “The timeline works, I guess. . . . I don’t remember him causing much trouble for anyone after that fall. Hagan got worse, and Hargrove was a fucking nightmare, but the worst Harrington did was not be quite popular enough anymore to keep them in check.” Jeff looks up at Eddie. “And then . . . he started babysitting nerds? Our freshman nerds.”

They’d literally seen Steve pick the kids up from Hellfire games all school year—from a distance at first, and then close up once the blackmail had been set in motion. But Eddie gets it, because he hadn’t understood it at first either. 

“Dustin’s got him wrapped around his little finger,” he confirms. “All the little shits do. Remember when he came to school with his face all rearranged by Hargrove? Asshole was gunning for Lucas.”

That makes Jeff’s eyebrows twitch together and his mouth set in a grim line that Eddie doesn’t often see. Eddie can practically see his opinion on Steve going up based on Jeff’s own run-ins with Hargrove. “Christ.”

“Yeah.” Eddie plays with his now empty Coke can, pushing the aluminum sides in and then popping them back out again. “And then I fucking blackmailed him.”

“Not very successfully, though,” Jeff points out, scratching at the side of his jaw. “Not if his real motivation for giving you money was wanting to help out and work off some of his guilt about Barbara. Actually, he’s the one who led you on, and nobody was being intimidated by anybody. Which—I’m not going to say I told you so, but I definitely called it.”

Sputtering, Eddie tugs the tab off his can and flicks it at him. “Dick!”

“And are you still crushing on him hard?”

This time, he throws the whole can, but Jeff ducks it. 

“That’s a yes.”

“We’re friends now,” Eddie hisses, pulling hair across his face to hide his embarrassed flush. “He saved my life, and based on his cooking alone I think he’s slowly becoming Wayne’s favorite son. I can’t—”

“You said Steve was the one who brought up living with in the first place,” Jeff points out. “He knows you were both at that club for the same reason, maybe he’s . . . you know, interested. Did you ever think of that?”

“No,” Eddie grumbles, lying. “Look, Steve didn’t want to live under his asshole parents’ roof anymore. That’s it.”

He refuses to read anything else into it. That way madness lies, and too much seeing what he wants to see rather than what’s actually there. 

[harringtonstilinski]

hiii ur requests are open??? i read few of your st fics and they’re so incredible and so beautifully written 😍🤭 would u write a steve harrington! x munson!reader fic where eddie dies in the uspide down and if you feel comfortable to write his death scene but also include yn there as she rushes there but it’s too late? and she’d be like no no no no, eddie, don’t leave me here alone…and you have to graduate, remember? eddie please don’t…and it would be just kinda angsty in the beginning but more fluffy in the end? alao if she’d started dating steve during the time like in s4…but she’d drifted away from him and became distant and built big walls all around her so no one could ever get in? not even steve? or dustin who eddie told to look after his sister? she also told wayne to not to let anyone in and she’d keep crying in bed in be in his room for even more weeks until she’d had to go to school. also yn would be in same year as eddie was? but she’d be 2 years younger. also same year as nancy and robin. so she does graduate, eddie didn’t…bc he died. when she’s being called out on the stage she’s shocked and kinda surprised and confused but her friends and steve will push her? this was supposed to be a happy day but actually it isn’t bc eddie is not here and she doesn’t know how to this without him. she’s still grieving. she doesn’t know how to move on. she doesn’t even want to move on? and she’d like break down in tears on the stage as she’d go for her diploma imagining eddie sitting beside dustin and their uncle mouthing well done (or something like that) but then he’d disappear and that’s when she’d broke down in tears. steve would rushes to her and try to comfort her. she tries to tell l steve she saw eddie here, everyone is concerned and wayne is worried so is steve. they’re try to explain her it was just her mind playing tricks on her but she doesn’t want to believe it and she runs away? steve goes after her. he finds her finally sitting in front of eddie’s grief talking to him. she’d jump when she feels someone’s hand on her shoulder, realising it’s steve kneeling down. she’d snuggle closer to him seeking for his love and comfort she’d finally get? steve would also reassure her eddie will always be here with her like not in same way but in her heart? steve knows she needs him more than ever and he’s willing to be here for her? day or night? whenever she needs?

awwww! 🥹 thank you so much!!

babe, i think you wrote this request yourself, lol! BUT, i hope i got everything you asked for! as i was writing this for you, i kept coming back here to add some thoughts, hahaa.

i didn't run away this time, right?

writing thoughts below the cut;

i had it be reader's arm that he dies in, not dustin's because i felt like it would make it angsty.

i gave her dustin's little speech with wayne to make it more angsty and show their relationship.

i changed a couple things in your request, and kinda switch them around.

this might be more angsty than fluffy, hahaa

i kind of forgot about her walls for like half a second, so my apologies.

i didn't mean for this to be as long as it turned out, hahaa!

i had her move in with steve after coming from upside down hawkins, so the end of your request falls into that.

[the-lady-amphitrite]

Okay, tell me about As Long As You Love Me. Does it have anything to do with the Backstreet Boys song? Is Loki a Backstreet Boy? I need to know.

send me an ask with a WIP title and i'll talk about it!

okay so, fun fact, i don't know music pretty much At All so i had no idea that Backstreet Boys had a song with this title?? upon listening to it though i do actually know the song. i have not heard it in years though, but i'm screeching from how well it fits the story so it's been added to the playlist for this fic 😂

AS LONG AS YOU LOVE ME is actually not (directly) about Loki! it's another fic in Of Fire and Of Ice, but this one serves as a prequel to the whole series. here's the short working summary for the fic because i haven't cared to write down an actual summary for it yet.

Take a journey to discover the truth behind the story of Laufey Borsdóttir’s abduction by Jǫtunheimr, and of a life cut short because of love.

i changed a bunch of stuff in Marvel's norse lore back to fit more closely with its mythology counterparts for this AU. this included changing Loki's parentage back to its mythology version, so Laufey is his mother and Fárbauti is his father.

while i was concepting OFAOI, i just kinda got stuck often on the bit of history right before the story takes place. it always felt important to me when i was doing the first couple of drafts for the series. ruminating and working out the details of it while working on the end of the series (because there's some pre-story history stuff that comes up in the final fic that's important but not really relevant until that point) kinda snowballed into writing this fic.

it's a story about a girl who falls in love. Laufey sees Fárbauti the first time they meet when Fárbauti and his father come to Asgard during Bor's reign, and she just... kind of knows without realising that he'll be important to her.

Laufey looks down into the eyes of the Frost Giant prince, and holds his steady red gaze. Her father and brothers have always called them red as blood, but she finds she doesn’t agree. They are red — a vibrant bright red, yes— but they remind her of the red you see at sunrise. The red that brings with it the promise of a new day. And with every new day there comes new chances. New opportunities. Hope. Laufey realises she likes the prince’s sunrise-red eyes much more than the blood-red she had been expecting.

it's also a story about Laufey choosing her own path, even when the people who love her tell her it's the wrong one. it's a story about betrayal from people she thought would never harm her just because they want to protect a legacy. it's a story about Laufey fighting for what she wants, not what everyone thinks she should.

ultimately though, it's a tragedy. from the get-go of writing this fic, i knew without a shadow of a doubt that Laufey would die in the end. i didn't really have a solid idea of how, or why, or when, but i knew that she would.

I NEARLY FORGOT ALSO BUT i was looking at the planning and reading the tags i wrote for it and. i literally wrote "Soulmates, but without any lore connection to the rest of the lore for this series" and if that's not the funniest but also most genuine way i was writing this fic. they're soulmates, but theyre not the magically bound soulmates of the AU. i'm laughing and i'm crying.

[celeste-fitzgerald]

thou brought this upon thyself.

get to know your fic writer asks:

7, 10, 11, 12, 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, 34, 37, 43, 45, 46, 53, 56, 59, 63, 64 and 74

:>

Girl you're crazy lmao ily

7) How do you choose which POV to write from?

Oh damn that's a good question! I don't have a good answer to this one, I usually just think about whose eyes it would be more interesting to see through for each fic.

10) Cltr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up

Uhhhh. I haven't been doing much writing lately. And the one fic I have been working on, "blinks" isn't in there (and neither is "blink"). So I went back to 2 other wips I haven't added to in a couple months and THOSE DON'T HAVE "BLINKS" EITHER. So I just searched "wink" instead so here's that one. (Unfortunately for you dear rufusrant you've already read what I have so far on this wip, but for everyone else, here's a teeny tiny snippet of the next chap of Learning How To Love You.)

Richard winked and inched toward the seat on George’s right. “Well?” 

11) Link your three favorite fics right now

Oh lord let's see. I'm interpreting "right now" as "currently on my mind," so these are ones that I've been reading and/or have been posted recently. for mutual benefit by thestartofnothing (fandom: JJBA; ship: jotakak) Not Lost In Translation by @007waffles007 (fandom: JJBA; ship: avpol) She Makes Me Smile by @007waffles007 (fandom: ELO; ship: mik/kelly)

12) how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

Well as with any writer, I love feedback! Though after being in some tiny fandoms (or at least tiny from a fanfic perspective) I've gotten more used to not getting much feedback. All feedback is very very very appreciated of course, but feedback/support from 1 or 2 friends tends to make me very happy regardless of what other kudos/comments I get.

19) What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

To the surprise of literally no one, it is "fluff" (283 fics).

20) Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

Already answered!

23) Best writing advice for other writers?

Write what YOU want to see, regardless of whether you think other people will like it.

24) Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

I honestly can't think of any?

25) What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

I don't knowwwww!! I spent a while looking through my fics to see if any of them fit, but that just ended up being me going "oh I forgot I wrote that, that one was cute!" for 15 minutes haha. I think I'm fine with how things are tbh.

34) Five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?

Man I don't know where I see myself in five weeks XD Mostly I just hope I'll still be posting fluffy oneshots on ao3 and sharing fic ideas with friends.

37) How do you choose where to end a chapter?

Not really a good way to answer this one, just where it feels right. But that's entirely dependent on the context of the fic.

43) Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

😭I'm definitely more of an "I want everyone to be safe and happy" kinda girl. When I make the characters suffer it's usually very mild suffering. Though, fun(?) fact about me, when I daydream about my fandoms, the daydreams often get pretty angsty and rough. But those ideas usually remain as daydreams because it would be too hard to actually write them.

45) Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

Laugh and smileeee.

46) How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)

Oh emotion-driven 100%.

53) How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

Ooh, that really depends on my mood and how long I've been in the fandom for. When I get into a new fandom, I tend to read tons and tons of fics, then much later I'll actually start writing for it. And I tend to spend less time reading the longer I've been in a fandom. But every once in a while I get hit with an urge to spend all night reading fics.

56) What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

Oh boy let's see...I think I'm pretty good at giving readers warm fuzzy feelings? And I love when I'm able to do that.

59) Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

Yes. A small number of my in-person friends. Plus my parents and my sister. But I'm pretty sure my sister still thinks it's stupid lmao. My dad's great about it though. Oh and my gf!!

63) Something you hate to see in smut.

Huh, when I read this question, I thought "oh boy, I'm gonna have lots of things I hate." But now I'm...struggling to come up with any? There are certain things I like more than others, and things I need to be in a certain mood to read. I guess maybe just when the relationship feels unequal. Don't like that.

64) Something you love to see in smut.

When the characters laugh/joke around/etc. Just anything to show them being really comfy and genuine with each other in such an intimate moment.

74) You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

I have posted a fic anonymously. Try to find it >:) (not you, rufusrant, you already know it's me.) Haha but in all seriousness, probably by me going "ahhhhh thank you" in every reply to every comment lmaooooo.

:>

[bigbadripley]

Chapter 9 - N. Michigan Gospel

Marc Spector/Steven Grant x Female!OC

Summary: Marc never expected to see his childhood friend Simone ever again. To Simone, Marc may as well have been dead. However, when Simone met Steven 15 years after Marc disappeared, she couldn’t help but notice how familiar he was.

18+ | 2kish Words | Third-person omniscient | Dark?fic | AU/AT |

Warnings: Heavy language, OC with religious trauma, childhood trauma, sexual trauma,  the effects of this in adulthood, not much else in this one, just kinda cute.

A/N: I update warnings with each chapter. Only proceed if you can handle the themes included in the warnings. I wrote this entirely as a trauma dump.

Minors DNI, DL;DR, if I miss a warning, please let me know.

Chapter list

"Who do I take my broken pieces to? I don't think I can fix a broken piece of you If I hid away you'd find me anywhere I laid How do I justify my peace to you?" -"N. Michigan Gospel" by 99 Neighbors

 Simone knew only one way to work through her troubles: to push herself into her job. She hadn't spoken to Marc or Steven in a few days, unsure what to do or where to begin. 

Her one o'clock arrived on time, as always. She made sure to start a fresh pot of coffee for them and set everything up how she liked before they showed. 

"How was your week, Jason?" Simone asked with a smile. She only knew it was Jason she was speaking to because of how he sat, spread-legged and hunched over. Jason shrugged,

"Alright, I guess. It's been a little tough." He answered. Simone knew the kind of troubles that Jason had, but she needed to ask, as always. 

"Oh, yeah? What's been going on?" She wondered, crossing her right leg over her left to signify comfort in the conversation and coax honesty and openness from the patient. 

During the brief patch of silence before Jason spoke again, there wasn't a single sound besides the clock ticking on her office wall. She kept meaning to take it down because of how nervous it made everyone, but she always forgot. 

Finally, Jason cleared his throat and began. "Corey's been spending more time with Carrie lately."

Simone knew all the names and ages and didn't need further confirmation of their relationships, but played into it regardless. "Well, is Corey not Carrie's partner?"

"Yeah, but so are Lonnie and me." Jason answered. It was the same thing from Jason every week, and even though he didn't care for their visits, he took advantage of their time together. 

"I suppose Corey doesn't feel like speaking to me today?" Simone wondered. Corey was the system's host: his body, but Jason was the protector. Jason typically takes over the beginning of the appointments due to Corey getting anxious. 

"I guess it depends on if he decides to come back out," Jason said. It was the same event every time, and she knew Corey would come soon enough. 

"We'll give him some time. How do Janet and Killian feel about Carrie?" She brought up the other two parts of the system. Whether her sheet says Corey Klein or not, they were all patients of Dr. Fredrick.

"They don't care for her, 'think she's weird for dating 3 of us at once, but what do they know?"

"Dating a host with four alters can be overwhelming," Simone said as she got up. And yet, I'm struggling to comprehend how to juggle a two-man system. She thought to herself. "Coffee?"

"Yes, please. And I think Janet and Killian's problem is that she only wants us. Maybe if Carrie opened up to the idea of dating the system, we wouldn't have so many problems." Jason suggested. Simone put two sugar cubes in the spare coffee mug she kept in her office that read "Trust Me I'm A Doctor" and stirred it. Black with no cream, just sugar, the way Corey liked it. She tapped the stirring staw on the side of the mug before she added to Jason's point,

"That's one way to look at it, but you also need to think: you just told me that you have issues with how she spreads attention between the three of you." Simone pointed this out as she sat a cup of coffee between them.

Jason stared blankly at the dark liquid on the table, unresponsive for a moment before he sat straight. Corey had arrived. 

"Hey, Dr. Fredrick." He greeted in his normal mild-mannered tone. Even his voice was completely different from Jason's. Simone smiled and retook her seat, 

"How's things with you, Corey?"

"Oh, you know, living the dream of a call center employee. Gotta love it." He joked as he picked up the coffee. Simone chuckled,

"So you're struggling with work?"

"Yeah, I got a less-than-perfect performance eval back, and it was because of my lost time." 

"I'm guessing you don't mean skipping out of work?"

"I mean one of the roadies popping in unannounced while I'm working. Suddenly dissociating while talking with a customer isn't great for reviews... Isn't great when you're trying to have a good time with your girlfriend, either." He explained, referring to the parts of his system as his "roadies."

Simone thought about how this situation differed from Marc and Steven's and how Corey can't tell what happens when the others are present. She imagined how it would be more difficult that way. 

"-I mean, really, Dr. Fredrick, how often do you get patients with this issue?" Corey asked, seeming genuinely curious if he was alone in this struggle. Simone hadn't realized she had zoned out from what he was telling her, but took it back to the last thing she heard,

"Well, I only have two other hosts as regulars, but I can say that they fear putting themselves out there with the stigma behind the disorder and the idea of having a relationship where the other parts are involved," Simone explained. "Do you feel that way at all?"

"I used to but... I've come to realize that I'm blessed, yeah? Carrie's great, and she's so understanding... and I love my system, but if I only had them for companionship? I'd lose my mind! I'd be as good as dead, to tell ya the truth!" 

This struck a chord with Simone. She had been trying to tackle it all week. Begging for some reason to go forward with this awful idea of bringing Marc back into her life and pursuing this relationship with Steven further. Her reasons became clear, but she found herself wanting a second opinion. 

 While Simone was at work, Marc and Steven tried to put something special together for her in hopes of a truce. Steven wanted to take a gift of small things she enjoyed, while Marc wanted to take her somewhere she would like. 

They were both lost in implementing these ideas and were working off borrowed time between the blips of missing time that seemed more frequent these days. 

Marc cursed Steven for getting involved with Simone before they had a better grasp on this, but now they were on a mission to work things out with her, even if it felt selfish. 

"I think if we got a wicker basket and put some nice things into it, that would be fine, yeah?" Steven suggested as they strolled the near-empty market. Marc thought the idea needed to be better and quickly made that known.

"No, no, no! That's too simple. We're trying to pursue a relationship, not play Easter Bunny." He said. 

Regardless of their decision, they knew they needed something unique that wouldn't break the bank. Marc's stash away money was dwindling since separating from Khonshu a year prior, and they had not kept steady work due to conflicting interests. 

Steven wanted to wait for Simone's input for date planning, fearing they might do too much or too little. "What if we dropped the gifts off at the office for her? A nice surprise that shows we're thinking about her."

The idea brought Marc back to when they were in school, and other kids would get gifts from their parents dropped off at school for Valentine's day. Even if the idea was superficial, it would make her happy. "That could work."

 Simone went back to her place on her lunch to chow down on the Chinese takeaway she had put up from the night before. Once she arrived, she was pleasantly surprised to find Joyce in her loungewear, propping her feet up. 

"How was Greece?" Simone asked as she pulled the paper box of rice from the fridge. Joyce scoffed,

"Been there over a dozen times, never gets old." She said. When Joyce spoke again, Simone grabbed a bowl from the cupboard and scooped the food into it for microwaveability. "How's your new man friend? You get some dick yet?" She asked nonchalantly. 

Simone grinned and shook her head as she started nuking the rice. "What does that matter?"

"Because I live vicariously through you! I barely have time for myself, let alone men!" She defended. Simone turned around to face Joyce and braced herself on the counter,

"I did, actually." She admitted. Joyce swung her head forward and sighed,

"About time, innit? Been a dry year for you." 

Simone realized she was in a unique situation where she felt it weird to talk about how it went with Joyce. Still, she realized she might be better suited to get the second opinion she wanted from the woman who not only knew her best but studied psychology for a year and a half before settling on being a pilot. 

Do you mind playing therapist for a moment? She asked, ignoring the beep from the microwave. Joyce put her feet back on the ground and sat up, scooting to the edge of the recliner, 

"I'm all ears." She said. Simone grabbed the rice bowl and sat in the living room on the loveseat next to Joyce. 

"So, you know how I was saying Steven- my man friend, as you said- looked familiar, but I could put my finger on how?" 

"I do remember that, but what does it have to do with your getting laid?" Joyce wondered. Simone took a deep breath and began explaining the events that transpired between her and Steven, then overexplaining how Steven and her old friend Marc were the same. 

Once Simone had explained everything, Joyce stared at her for a long while, and Simone swore she saw the gears turning in her head as she built a diagram of what it all meant before she finally said something. 

"Your first love Marc and your new flame Steven are the same bloke, and you didn't know that until after you slept with them? Red flag central, Simone!"

"I know, Joyce, but is it bad that I'm considering this?" Simone asked, feeling stupid saying it out loud. Joyce shrugged,

"You want two boyfriends? You barely have luck keeping one, no offense." 

"None taken, I know I do, and that's why it seems so crazy to me, but I can't stop thinking about both of them. I just don't know what to do."

"The rational play therapist Joyce wants to tell you that you should let sleeping dogs lie and forget about what you used to have with Marky-Marc, and if you can't have his funky bunch without him, then break it off." Joyce started. The analogy made Simone laugh, even if the context made her heart ache slightly. "But, the hopeless romantic Joyce wants you to go for it and see what happens." 

Simone considered it momentarily as she picked at the mound of rice and veggies, thinking of how her session with Corey went. 

Can I be as patient as Carrie? She wondered to herself. Simone suddenly felt less hungry and more nervous as she thought up how to approach Steven and Marc with this. Instead of stressing, she did the one thing she knew to do best: throw herself back into work. 

When Simone returned to the office, she was met with a gift basket on her desk. The basket contained dark chocolates (her favorite), gel pens (the superior kind), a legal pad (she was running out of new pages), Star Wars stickers (for fun), and a big bag of Haribo's Twin Snakes (her candy of choice when she was a kid) and to top it all off, a card with a pug on the front that said: "Get Excited!" with "Much love, Marc and Steven" written on the inside. 

What a couple of fuckin' sweethearts. She thought to herself as she grinned uncontrollably. Every bit of what they got related to something they knew about her if they paid attention, which they clearly did. 

Simone pulled her phone out and took a picture of the basket where she found it, and sent it to Steven's phone with a caption that read: 

Thank you both! Meet me at mine about 6. 

To Steven and Marc, this meant mission accomplished. 

[underworldobsessed]

Fanfic Writer Questions!

Thanks for tagging me, @optiwashere. I don't think I'm going to tag anyone, but if you see this and want to do it, feel free! Have fun with this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

158, oops. I will say so many of those are Star Wars because I went from barely writing to 'Oh my god I have so much motivation' because of my SW phase. I do owe a lot of my current muse because of that

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

I mean, it's not nearly as much as one would think, only sitting at 326,735, but a lot of my fics on here are drabbles rather than full blooded fics.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

So my current main fandom is (obviously) BG3. But I'm still planning fics for Star Wars, Underworld and The Magnus Archives, even if all of those have taken a back seat since BG3 has taken over my brain.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

So here they are. 1. Blood Memories (Underworld) 2. Taking Care of Her (Agent Carter) 3. The More You Try to Hide It (Star Wars) 4. Winds of Change (Underworld) 5. Anger Manifestation (The X-Files) I will say, I'm rather surprised that two of them are Underworld fics. The fandom is quite small, but I'm glad to see that honestly. That's where I spent so much of my time, and those fics were me righting the wrongs that the series did to me (I'm looking at you Blood Wars, and your treatment of Michael). And I'm honestly not surprised about BG3 not being here, I don't pay attention to my kudos much, but I do know I don't see nearly as much attention on them. I love what I write, so that's the important thing.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I do my damnedest to remember to reply to comments. I know I don't always succeed, but I try. Often times, the ones I don't reply to are the ones that I see when I'm on the clock at work (checking my emails when I really shouldn't be) and I'll be like "Oh I need to reply to those later" and then I forget for like two weeks, and then I feel so guilty that I forgot that I just... don't.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh shit ummmm... I have a lot of angsty fics in the world. Can't Breathe literally explains Satine's perspective as she dies in canon. Or Even in Death where even as I tried to write it as a hopeful ending for Selene, it was the tragedy of Selene finding Michael's body post Blood Wars, and I was honestly in tears writing it.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'm not sure. I'd love to say my adopting Kurik fic is the happiest ending I've written, but I tinged it with uncertainty. Perhaps Shining Like They Never Did Before, because it gave me a chance to give Nemeia the feeling of truly being comfortable in their body (and to have Shadowheart and Karlach enjoy being with their partner :P )

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I had someone go onto one of my Bo-Katan fics and write a review about how much they hate Bo-Katan, which I just deleted after being so shocked and how brazen they were. Other than that, it's kinda been a while. Perk of not being a huge author I suppose is that I don't get much hate. I did get a massive hateful review when I just started writing fanfics at 12 that almost made me quit writing.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I definitely do, not super frequently, but I do! I've got some vanilla (mostly vanilla if I'm honest), but I definitely have some kinky stuff that's been published (or y'know, planned because there is no way Karlach/Shadowheart/Nemeia are vanilla).

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have something on FFN that's a crossover, but I haven't touched it in a while. I wrote an Underworld/Castle crossover that didn't get very far. I have, however, been planning an Underworld/Star Wars crossover for years but I'm very tentative in writing it for some reason.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Thankfully not.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nah, but I'd be down to talk to people about it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I mean, technically yes? I've taken a roleplay I've done with a friend and (with their permission) turned it into a fic, and a friend of mine is using our rp that we did into a fic. Other than that, I don't think so.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

I can't safely answer that because god knows I love so many ships like... Shadowheart/Nemeia/Karlach for BG3, Obitine for Star Wars, Selene/Michael for Underworld. Those are probably my big ships that I love more than anything.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My Dark Obitine fic that I started writing that never really got any further. Like... I have up to chapter 5 written in docs, but only two published. I'd love to continue it, but this is the one based on the rp with my friend and I'm worried about hitting the point where we stopped rping. So I stopped writing.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Angst. I'd like to think I'm very good at writing angst. I also love writing dialogue and I'm very talented with grammar and (most of the time) spelling.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Keeping up with updating fics, sometimes I struggle with characterization (though I try my best), and I ramble sometimes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I used to do it fairly frequently. I was trying to learn Mando'a for my Star Wars fics since Mandalorians were my area of love for that series, and I wanted to write more in their language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Yu-Gi-Oh 5Ds was my first fandom. I haven't really written for it in years, but yeah, I started writing for them so long ago now.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Now that is a hard question. If I'm looking in the past year, Give Her Back! is my favorite thing I've written. Writing Nemeia's perspective with Shadowheart being taken by Orin was some of the most fun I've had in a long time! I also love Save Me If I Become My Demons because I got to write two of my favorite things at the time, Star Wars and Vampires.

[1d1195]

Definitely get the whole vibe of everyone relying on you! I basically have the same role in my family too :/ While i would literally do anything for my family(not extended family bc thats a DIFFERENT story lol) it is very draining especially when at times it may not be reciprocated in a way that actually helps. So youre not alone in that and it doesn't make you a bad person for saying those things either! And yeah i did say im the eldest daughter! I only have one sibling which is my brother but he's only 2 years younger than me. We are actually very close and i love him to death! BUT what's wild is that personally I don't think we are too similar but apparently we are according to others lol We are also both Aquarians which is also WILD!

ANYWAYSSSSSS That is kinda sad to think about it like that :( But honestly I think you would love to see and particpate in a Day of the Dead celebration! It's just a different way of viewing death and th process of it like making the offerings and decorating is so fun! Well at least when we do it we cook/buy our loved ones fave foods and it comes naturally the nice memories we have shared with them. also idk if i've mentioned this but i LOVE flowers like obsessed! so I enjoy that aspect too! Plus it really does kick off your b-day month so IT"S A WIN! also WE ARE THE SAME once again, i have ALWAYS been obsessed with my ancestry too! Have you taken one of those DNA tests or Ancestry tests??? And you can ask whenever/whatever you want!

I say you could totally write a cool biography or even like a memoir! I think that would be such a fun little project even if it's just for yourself!

like bestie you don't understand, this man's arms look GOOD so i get the vibe of liking forearms! it's totally not weird! I mean I have a thing for noses(according to my friends bc i have never truly noticed 😭) and hands! Or maybe something might be wrong with me 😂

It was for a good deal too! It was $10 for a HARDCOVER of Oscar Wilde's "The Picture of Dorian Gray" and im exicted since it looks like I might actually start this book lol Have you read anything fun or new recently?

ALSO SAM THE RIGHT HERE EXTRA WAS SO GOOD 😭I forgot how cute these two are and how perfect they are 😭 Harry in this is just so 😭 i love a good sick fic and the comfort of it all! BUT HER SAYING I LOVE YOU FIRST!? Why did i think Harry already said that?? lol But I found it so cute it was her and its so perfect the way you wrote about how knowing that Harry loved her back was like the last thing for her to FULLY be herself! loved it so much Sam, you never disappoint!-💜

That's so funny. My extended family is a mess too. I was actually discussing it with one of my aunts on my mom's side this weekend. My dad's side is A LOT™ Like idk what happened we were discussing it and I was like "wow, i love these people but I do not like them. wtf." That's cool you have a brother, I always wanted a brother. But I'm def the son my parents never had either lol. I bet you're a killer older sister. My sister is also ~2 years younger than me and that's so wild how similar we are! My sister is way more outgoing than I am, she's probs smarter, and infinitely more confident (I said double it and give it to the next one in the womb). What's your brother like? It's funny you think you're not like him but others do! I think my sister and I are different but we have SO many similarities.

I've done 23 and Me! The results were unsurprising. I was hoping for more nitty gritty details but I'd like to do the Ancestry one too because then I could maybe get some of the more interesting info I want. Okay you've convinced me. Maybe I'll write a memoir 😂 OH I LOVE FLOWERS TOO! I bought a headband at TJMaxx and wore it. My coworker (Spanish teacher) loved it! It had really pretty flowers and I know I mentioned it last but I think Coco is one of the most BEAUTIFUL Disney movies on the planet and it's DEFINITELY the flowers. That's a beautiful tradition--eating their favorite food 😭 that's so so nice. I hope I can participate somehow sometime that would be really cool.

Noses and forearms aren't we a pair!? 😭

Picture of Dorian Gray is on my bookshelf! I tried reading it years ago but I struggled. It's on my shelf though so it means it's gonna be read by the end of the year hahahaha Let me know how you like it! 😊

HAHAHAHAHA I always go back and reread when I write a new part to check for plot holes but I REALLY had to go back and read to see if he said it (if you read between the lines of the original part he def says it) I feel like I kinda struggled falling in love--as much as I write about it I feel like there's something wrong with me--love in books and the way I feel love is very different. Idk maybe I'm weird. I've been fantasizing about love since I was 11/12/13. Maybe I set myself up for failure in believing the stories more than reality. ALL OF THAT was to say that I think I wrote her just finally feeling at peace to be herself, to really feel in love because it's something I always struggled with.

Thank you for being the utmost supportive in everything 💕

xoxo

[crispy-chan]

omg dude, i remember literally crying over your work “a story rewritten” when i first read it about a year ago because isekai stories are top tier mygod 👌👌👌 and your story is literally the first and only fic i found that goes under that genre. so i definitely made up my mind to take the time to find that webtoon you were talking about in your note.

anyways, i legit just finished chapter one of this newly encountered manhwa i am reading and holy god, all the emotions are coming back all of the sudden. when the male lead here turned into a zombie, i just knew i found what ive been looking for for over a year (even if i forgot about it after giving up after a week of searching lol). o m g, i need to read “a story rewritten” again just to emote about it.

idk why in the world i rambled so much but if you still haven’t remembered yet interested in its title, it s called “surviving romance” in webtoon.

since this is already such a long ask, ill just say whatever is remaining in my mind. i often recall “a story rewritten” in the most random times, usually in class because i get sleepy so much. so every once in a while, id come back to read it again. nothing beats the first reading though. i remember being overwhelmed and so emotional LMAO.

it kinda became a comfort fic and legit the sole reason why i would come back to tumblr every now and then. took a break from reading fics in general since december to continue my manga/manhwa spree. but your work makes me feel nostalgic so much, UHM IDK WHY THOUGH,,,,

i just love it so much omg lol. you probably dont remember but i believe ive also told you this in the past (i made an ask, dont recall what i wrote though LOL) you dont have to look for it, i just want to let you know how much of an impact your writing gives to me.

as a closing ehem, you might not know me but it s a fact that your stories never fail to make me happy. another fun fact, you were actually the one who introduced me to fic reading in tumblr!! LOL your “astronaut, ksm” and its sequel “serendipitous” was what got me reading here in this platform. you were the first fic writer i came across here and thought that “oh, are there more writers like jas that makes stories this good?” thats why for a good year, i came to appreciate and enjoy a lot of writes and of course, a lot more stories here in tumblr.

once i fully come back to tumblr, i would definitely catch up with your stories that ive missed for the half year. good luck and keep safe! you re doing a great job :>>

Hello, Anon. yes, i capitalized anon bcs i am truly at a loss of words rn. what hurts the most is the fact that you won't my see my reply to this ask bcs I took so fucking long to open my inbox.

i am an a-grade asshole. now that this is out of the way...

firstly, the fact that you cried over my stories :((( this always simultaneously makes me sad and warms my heart bcs I want to make people feel something while reading my stories and my fave fics are the ones I cried over...

i'm always surprised af to see how much love "a story untold" gets. it's pretty short and rather old but it seems to be some sort of hidden favorite amongst my fics lol. I'm really glad you enjoyed it so much <3 I teased a sequel but never got around to it lmao.

haha i can't believe you actually found the webtoon!! my acc reset so I never actually returned to it lmao. also had to refresh my memory and google isekai bcs it's been a few years since my weeb phase lol. now that you mention it, there really aren't that many isekai-esque skz fics, are there 🧐

also, this is so sweet :((( i'm honored. it's really nice to hear that someone remembers the fic and even thinks about it, I'm genuinely flattered. I'm so happy that it managed to make such an impact on you <333

akjsksjasj truly honored to know that you like to come back to my fics. i also awwed when you said that my stuff makes you nostalgic :(( like that's literally such a massive compliment and it makes me really happy!!

i'm also touched to know that my fics managed to impact you so much <3 truly, reading this ask was such a pleasure :(

i also can't believe that i was the person who introduced you to tumblr. that's really cool akjsksjsk and I'm surprised to hear that it was astronaut. ngl, that was one of my first ever fic ideas and I was really proud of it back then. the only thing i'd change now is that i'd make it a lot longer, which is why I've wanted to write a prequel (but probably never will lol)...

i'm so glad that you enjoyed my stories and were able to discover many more amazing people on this platform!! thank you so much <33

i truly hope you come back some day since I selfishly wish you could see my response <3 on the off chance that you do, please accept my warmest hugs.

feel free to reach out any time <3 much love :)))

[lucindarobinsonvevo]

okay well might as well do a round up of everything i wrote last year

Neighbours 

Clutch Start Halfway Up the Hill - Hope this will be a series one day. It’s still new enough I don’t have much to reflect on other than I love wo describe webbedsites 

Camellias for Carmella - Fun to write, but it required a lot of bouncing between actual episodes and my fic. I like Carmelle what can i say? Hanahaki is not a trope i will write again because i think this fic would have been better without it. 

The End of Summer (Now I Know) - damn ok this fic kinda flopped but to be expected when writing from the first person perspective. Looking back, it’s not very good. I don’t think it could have been better per say, I just think that the concept was not that strong. Again, a lot of episode re-write elements here, and bouncing between episodes. I also forgot to put the quote from Robert about fireworks in the a03 release :/ 

Paul and Izzy Have an Affair (How to Prepare a Heart for Eating) - My favourite story I wrote this year, and also my only Neighbours fic not from Elle’s perspective. I loved writing this, every salacious second. I love re-reading it. Maybe even my favourite fic I’ve ever written honestly. Pizzy forever. 

Like Prometheus in the Morning I’m Bound to Come Around - It’s a bit purple, I wish I’d done another pass over the Andrew section honestly. 

Come Elle or Highwater - Written for Small Fandom Bang 2021/2022. I was so proud of it when I wrote it but I go back and fourth on some elements of it now. Ultimately I think I’m still happy with it. 

TDBM 

Turkey Shoot - Not my only TDBM fic but damn close. Actually a repurposed WIP i bent to fit my idea. It’s okay, but not as complex or interesting as my fics for other fandoms 

A Good Old Fashioned Beat Down - Unfinished whump Challenge fic. Not much to say. It’s fine, if you like that sort of thing as much as I like to write it. 

Eerie Indiana 

Contracted - Written for Better Weird and Wed. It’s cute! I love you made up character Mayor Chisel’s All American Trophy Husband. 

A Proposition (The Janet Donner Doesn’t Totally Hate) - Also written for Better Weird and Wed. Basically everything that matters to me in a fic. Secret agent!Janet and her bestie Dash x. What else can you ask for?

And That’s Where the Tigers Come In - Written for the Eerie Indiana Fic Fest Honestly? Love this. Just a fun, silly canon compliant little fic. 

OddsVille Ohio - Good concept, okay execution. Needs another few drafts honestly. 

Driving in Cars with Boys - written for the 666 Words Challenge. I remember agonizing over every syllable of this fic. I’m glad I did, because it’s honestly soooo cute and fun :) 

[albed-hoe]

Can I request a story of Diluc and a bullied male reader in a modern AU?

I Deserve It

Characters: Diluc x Male Reader (Modern AU)

Summary: Diluc admires you from afar, until one day he decides to step in on a situation gone a little too far

Warnings: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE AND HOMOPHOBIC SLURS

Word count: 1045

A/n: This feels kinda rushed cuz I didn’t want to do my usual ~2000 word ramble, I also wrote this all in one go at midnight cuz it’s my FIRST REQUEST AHHHH tysm for requesting!!! I am already getting more requests as I type so I hope you enjoy this little fic! (Thinking of maybe doing a part 2? Idk🤔)

Also this may or may not be slightly based off my personal experience…😳

It’s 8:15 as you make your way through the front doors of school. Half an hour early for class, but at least you avoid the usual torment, and you get to finish any work you couldn’t before. You make your way to your secret corner of the library and plug in your earphones to finish some homework you forgot to do last night. The usual quiet bustle of the library as others file in to read, talk to friends or do the same as you, paired with your music on a low volume is somehow quite relaxing.

You check the time – 8:40, five minutes until class. You leave it as late as possible to avoid the usual treatment that you will probably end up getting anyways, later in the day. This morning, however, goes without any altercation. You make your way to your seat (in the back corner of the class) and get ready for another boring class. As the teacher rambles on about whatever subject, you can’t help but let your mind drift to the boy sitting near the front of the class. He was handsome – strikingly so – but you were aware of the rumors about his personality. You witnessed it firsthand too, the way he would flatly reject any girls that asked him out and his stoic expression which never seemed to change.

It would seem you got a little too distracted, as the bell rang, startling you into putting your stuff back in your bag for your next class. The rest of the day was filled with dreading the end of it, and perhaps a couple thoughts of the redhead in your year. As you made your way to your locker at the end of the day to organize the books you would take home, you suddenly tripped over a foot that seemed to have come out of nowhere. Sending all the books you carried in your arms across the hallway, you fell to the ground on your hands and knees, probably bruising your kneecaps badly. You didn’t even bother turning around to see the culprit – you already knew who it was. Thankfully the hallways weren’t too full of other students.

“Hey, [Y/N], how come you’re here today, I’d have thought you would have killed yourself yesterday.” Said your bully, the rest of his group laughing behind him. “In any case, I think you should. Would do us a great service!” They all laughed again in unison as you were gathering your items. You didn’t even bother crying anymore, you were used to the insults anyways. They got kind of dry after a while, could they not even think of new ones to come up with?

“I already told you.” He grabbed you by the collar and lifted you off the ground, holding you close to his face. “People like you have no place in this world. Fucking fa-“

“Enough.” You heard a deep voice call from behind you. The bully suddenly dropped you to the ground and put on a smug face as he looked towards the person who had saved you.

“What are you gonna do about Diluc? You like boys too? I bet you’re just trying to defend your little boyfriend here.” He taunted the redhead, who showed no signs of interest or… Any emotion really. You finished gathering the last of your books as you heard this ‘Diluc’ boy mutter something about how the bully’s group wouldn’t really think highly of some sort of secret he had. This seemed to make them leave fast enough. As you stood up, he turned to you and your [E/C] eyes met with his bright amber ones for a split second before you averted them downwards.

“You are [Y/N], correct?” he questioned you.

“Y-Yes, thank you for helping me, Diluc.” You mumbled, before turning on your heels and almost running out of the school to go home. You didn’t even spare another glance back at the fleeting form of a rather sad looking boy.

-

As days went by, things began improving for you a little bit, it seemed that whenever you were expecting another beating from the group of bullies, you could swear you saw a flash of red hair somewhere amongst the crowd in the hallway. Perhaps a guardian angel had finally answered your prayers and was manifesting itself in the form of a bright red ponytail.

You were currently in your corner of the library during lunch break, as you would usually do, reading your favorite book with your earphones in. You didn’t happen to notice the unusual imposing presence which was standing just across from your table. When you became a little more aware of your surroundings, you took in the person towering over you, making you drop your book and tear out your earphones.

“D-Diluc! How did you know I was here?”

“I heard from someone you like to spend your free time here. I thought I might come to… Apologize.”

“Apologize? What for?” the boy looked away from you with a slight red hue across his cheeks, which genuinely surprised you. He did, in fact, show emotions.

“I- I’m sorry for scaring you the other day, it was not my intention. I was simply trying to-“

“NO!” the redhead snapped his gaze back to you in surprise. “I- I mean… I should be the one apologizing, I thought the rumors about you were true, but they were very clearly wrong.”

“I see… That’s a relief…” You sat there in awkward silence as he kept avoiding your gaze and you twisted your fingers in discomfort.

“I should probably go. Thank you again for the other day, you don’t need to-“

“Wait!” he grabbed your wrist as you stood up to leave. “P-Please be my friend, I don’t have… Any.” He muttered, still embarrassed by his earlier apology.

The rather shy nature of the rumored bad boy made you smile a little bit for the first time in what seemed like years. You looked into his eyes giving him your genuine smile. “Hehe, alright. I’ll be your friend. I hope you can be mine too!” You didn’t seem to notice the darkening of his already-present blush as he stared at your smile, eyes widened and mouth slightly agape.

Don't really know if I'm doing this Tumblr thing right lolol I'm used to using Wattpad. Also please know that you are loved and are worth everything to many people. If you do ever feel low, please talk to someone about it. I love you all, stay safe❤

[yumeyooa]

revenge is brutally sweet | jeon jungkook

—jeon jungkook’s life so far has been going well. he’s the guitarist of the most famous band in the scene, he’s got the girl of his dreams, and everything he’s ever wished for is in the palm of his hands. what he doesn’t expect though, is to wake up one day in the middle of a controversy. what the controversy is, you may ask? a new band has been hitting the charts, and their lead singer is none other than you, a former member of the band and his ex-girlfriend.

➢  pairing: jeon jungkook x female! reader

➢ genre: angst | slight fluff | band au | slight highschool au | post breakup au | exes au | r 15 | guitarist! jungkook | vocalist! reader

➢ word count: 14.6k+

➢  warning: profanity | heavy drinking | toxic relationships | messy break-ups | self depriciation | bullying | messy closure | this is just very much super angsty

➢ love letter: AH SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG T_T I kinda drowned in midterms AHSHSHs but I hope you enjoy this fic <33 there’s more to this angsty collection to come so stay tuned!! 

navigation | collection masterlist

Life couldn’t be any better. 

This is what Jeon Jungkook constantly told himself every morning after his short, fifteen-minute shower while messily tousling his hair in an extra-soft towel as he takes in the dreary yet somehow vibrant view from his penthouse apartment, soaking in the sun’s rays. 

The city was busy, even though the sun had just risen and bloomed into full glory. The streets were filled with people rushing to get wherever they needed to be, cars driving past with the fervor of a shackled mad man on wheels. If Jungkook looked closer, he would have probably seen the black exhaust drifting in the air from the fumes of those ecologically damaging vehicles or the frantic looks on an office worker’s face as they hurriedly crossed the street obviously late for work. 

But alas, Jungkook couldn’t care less about the trials and tribulations of some strangers he didn’t even know. After all, his life was going great. In fact, he was literally walking on cloud nine at this point and felt like nothing had stopped him. 

Of course, it wasn’t always this way, which was why Jungkook appreciated his success tenfold. 

He, like every other success story, had started from the ground up. Music was something he had always dreamed of doing for the rest of his life. Ever since his grandfather had first shown him how to play the guitar, the melodies had wrapped their whimsical tunes around his heart and made themselves stay. It was fascinating to him how playing a couple of strings could produce such music that could move souls and bring smiles to people’s faces.

And ever since then, he was hooked. Every chance he got, he would play the guitar even if his parents tried to pry him off it. 

They wanted him to be a doctor after all, and there was no way in hell he was going to go by their wishes. While being a doctor was great, it didn’t ignite the same spark that music did, and for Jungkook, he would rather die than live a life without his flame running ablaze.

So, against his parent’s wishes, he pursued a career in music. It wasn’t easy, of course. At first, he had no support system for his dream. His friends and teachers ridiculed and discouraged him, saying that the future was bleak and he had no hopes of making it big. But if Jungkook knew anything about himself, it would most likely have to do with the fact that he was extremely stubborn and persistent, much to the disappointment of the adults in his life. 

So he continued. He continued reaching his dreams, joining every music-related activity he could at his age until he finally met Mr. Park.

Mr. Park was a bright man who came in one day as a replacement for their music teacher, who was an old lady who stuck to the classics and had a somewhat deceiving grading system. He came into class with disheveled hair, an unkempt tie, and when he turned around to write his name on the board, the whole class laughed as they could see his heart print underpants peeking through. 

But despite his clumsiness and seemingly carefree nature, Mr. Park was a master at his craft. He was the epitome of what a music teacher should be; exceptionally skilled, eloquent, and passionate about what he did. But Mr. Park had another talent that not many knew about, which was the eye for potential.

And Mr. Park saw potential in Jungkook.

He had taken Jungkook under his wing and taught him the ropes of music life. The keys of the piano, how notes were read, how symphonies were made. And the more Jungkook learned, the more he yearned for a life surrounding music. When he voiced his wishes to Mr. Park, expecting to receive the same rejection he had always known, he was pleasantly surprised to find out that he had his support.

Mr. Park was the very first person who saw that Jungkook could have a future in music. He was the very first person who showed Jungkook that there was a path for him to take that was far better than the path his parents laid out for him. A rocky path filled with trials and tribulations but ultimately reaped great rewards in the end. 

Like a moth drawn to its flame, Jungkook was attracted to the seemingly devastating path because somehow, amid the darkness, there was hope. Hope for a happier future, a future that wasn’t filled with regret and mourning but full of triumph and satisfaction. Jungkook would be a fool not to pursue the latter.

And thus, in hopes of finally seeing the light, Jungkook decided to start his own band. 

It didn’t start off right away, though. After all, no kid at his school wanted to be part of a band that, in the eyes of their parents, was a complete waste of time. Jungkook kept his small dream hidden deep within his heart, yet even so, it still burned with an unyielding passion. Even if years passed and no opportunity for him to start a band was in sight, Jungkook didn’t give up, knowing that his persistence would one day reap great rewards.

And finally, his chance came in the form of you. 

From the very beginning, Jungkook had always thought you were strange. In a prestigious school known for being the epitome of perfection and class, you were the odd one out, sticking out like a sore thumb with your disheveled appearance and undignified manner of carrying yourself. Almost immediately, you were set to be the outcast, ridiculed by your peers for your looks and mannerisms, even if, in Jungkook’s opinion, you weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary.

Unfortunately, the world is never kind to those who are different. 

Jungkook’s phone rings from where it is laid on his bedside table, the alarm blaring loudly, causing a shift in the once serene atmosphere of his apartment. Jungkook pays it no mind at first, choosing to finish drying his hair before finally picking up the phone, voice groggy and slightly annoyed from having his peaceful morning interrupted.

“Who is it?” He hastily asks, not meaning to sound as harsh. But could he really be blamed when it was 7 AM in the morning, and he wasn’t expected to show up to any scheduled event until noon?

“Jungkook!” An exasperated voice exclaims from the other side of his phone. It was Namjoon, his manager, Jungkook, quickly concludes. Although it was rare for him to call so early in the morning, especially in such a panicked state. Perhaps he forgot to inform him of a schedule? Although that was annoying, Jungkook wouldn’t really mind. After all, work made money. But if that were the case, it would have been odd for Namjoon to be so panicked about it. The man was known for being reasonably level-headed even in times of extreme stress, so perhaps it was something else entirely. 

“Did you read the news?” Namjoon quickly adds before Jungkook could ask what was wrong. At his question, Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, quickly sitting down on the side of his bed and grabbing his iPad from the same bedside desk, unplugging the charger along the way. 

“No,” he says as he types up the password into the Home Screen, laying his phone in between the juncture of his shoulder and ear. “Is there something I should be concerned about? I mean, it’s not like I got into a scandal or anything, right?”

Wrong.

Well, partly.

The moment Jungkook opens his Twitter, he’s surprised to see more notifications than usual. Of course, it was a given for him to have a ghastly amount of notifications as a celebrity. He did have a large fan base, after all. But the numbers on his screen far exceeded that of what he was used to, and amongst those notifications tagging his account, one article stood out amongst the rest, and the headline made his blood run cold.

“What the fuck?” He whispers, staring at the article in shock as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. “Am I seeing this right, Namjoon?”

The man on the other side of the phone is silent for a while before Jungkook hears a sigh. “Unfortunately, yes,” Namjoon says, and Jungkook can almost imagine the way he’s probably rubbing his temples together while sipping his cup of black coffee in his office out of stress and frustration

“(Y/N) is back,” he says, causing shivers to run down Jungkook’s spine. “And apparently Jungkook, she wrote a song about you.”

 The day Jungkook finally mustered up the courage to talk to you for the first time was an experience, to say the least. For what felt like years, albeit it was only a few days, Jungkook had been observing you from the sidelines, watching as you were berated by his classmates, who apparently had nothing better to do with their time. 

A part of Jungkook always felt guilty for never standing up for you. He knew you needed a friend. Someone to confide in this hellish school that made it seem as if it were every man for himself. But he was a coward, raised and molded to never take a step outside the boundaries he had set for himself, like a doll.

Although, with Mr. Park's influence, Jungkook could finally break free from his shell, even if it were just a mere few steps. 

"Here," he says nervously, handing you a carton of banana milk that he had picked up from the nearest vending machine the moment he saw you storm out of the classroom in tears. Even then, your classmates had laughed, mocking how sensitive you were, which disgusted Jungkook. Didn't they have any ounce of shame for making a person cry like that?

You look up from where you sat on the school's staircase, eyes puffy from crying so hard, a stream of tears still flowing down your face. You looked like an absolute mess, and the sight only caused Jungkook's heart to clench even more. He sat beside you, albeit a bit distanced because he couldn't help but feel awkward. This was your first conversation, after all. 

You stare at him, not entirely understanding why he would extend kindness towards you. Was this a trick of fate? Was he doing this so you would someday do his bidding in the future? The kids of this school were scary, even scarier than the monsters that hid underneath your bed or the creatures that roamed around in the dead of night. Even amidst the light, they scared you, and you were terrified that the man offering you some banana milk would be just the same. 

"You don't have to take it if you don't want to," Jungkook says, after realizing you were staring at him warily, cautious over whether or not you would accept his gift. "Sweets always cheered me up whenever I feel down, and I thought maybe it would cheer you up too!" 

If anyone were to see your interaction, they would have burst out laughing from how awkward it was. You who were wary and cautious, and Jungkook who was awkward and shy. A stark difference between your usual timid behavior and Jungkook's confident act. In fact, if anyone else were to see this, they would have never believed their eyes. 

It was odd, after all. And you knew this very well. Which was why you were so confused at Jungkook's behavior. Why was he approaching you so kindly when everyone else ridiculed and shunned you out? You were different, someone who didn't deserve to be there. An imposter, an intruder. It didn't make sense for him to act friendly. 

"Don't take this the wrong way," Jungkook continues, setting down the banana milk in the space between the two of you as he fiddled with his fingers, a habit he had picked up over time. "I'm not doing this to mock you or make fun of you later down the line… I just really don't like the way they're treating you. It's not right."

You're stunned. Rightfully so. This was the first time someone had ever gone against what others did to you, despite him doing so behind the scenes. A weird sensation bubbles up from inside you, one you can't quite place. But what you do know is that amidst it all, there's warmth. Jungkook's words sounded genuine and sincere, not like the usual condescending tone you were used to hearing from the rest of your peers. 

He genuinely seemed to care. 

Jungkook's eyes widen in surprise when he sees you grab the carton of banana milk, opening the straw in pushing it through, taking a sip. You sheepishly stare down, not even bothering to look Jungkook in the eye before muttering. "I prefer strawberry milk… but this isn't that bad... I guess… Thanks…" 

His eyes gleam, happy that you've accepted his offering and watching with a content smile as a small smile of your own forms on your lips, a far cry from the mess you were mere moments ago. He had somehow managed to cheer you up, and that was better than anything Jungkook could ever ask for. 

"No problem. Next time I'll buy you a whole box of strawberry milk!" He exclaims, excited for what was about to unfold between the two of you. 

But he would have never expected this. 

And on this week's celebrity news: Former Vocalist of The 97, (L/N) (Y/N) debuts solo with her new single 'Move On', which fans speculate is a direct message to her ex-boyfriend and former bandmate Jeon Jungkook. 

"Fuck!" Jungkook exclaims, overcome with emotion, as he watches the news unfold in the conference room of his label. He had quickly made his way over the moment he saw the headline, confused, devastated, and most of all angry. 

What in the world were you thinking, dragging him down like that?

"Jungkook, calm down," Namjoon says from the other side of the room, trying to prevent Jungkook from destroying the room. Jungkook was strong. And if he really wanted to, he could turn the whole conference room upside down in a blink of an eye, and Namjoon really didn't want to deal with whatever consequence would follow should Jungkook actually decide that he'd destroy the conference room. 

"How the fuck do you expect me to be calm, Namjoon?" Jungkook asks, exasperated as he walks from one end of the room to the other. "This is going to ruin my fucking reputation. And it's all because that bitch is too bitter about our breakup that she decided to fucking write a song about it."

"Hey." Another voice calls out, stern and ready to scold. Jaehyun, the band's bassist, glares at Jungkook with as much disdain as he could muster, not believing the words that came out of Jungkook's mouth. "No matter how you feel about the situation. I'm not going to stand by and let you call (Y/N) a bitch. She was and still is our friend. Just because you're so caught up in your perfect reputation doesn't mean you have to bring others down in the process, Jeon." 

It was rare for Jaehyun to ever call Jungkook by his last name. The two were as close as could be, having been the best of friends for more than ten years and counting. Jungkook knew he could trust Jaehyun with his life and vice versa, so it shocked him to hear that his best friend was defending her. 

"But Jungkook has every reason to be mad, Jaehyun!" Another voice pops up, this time a more feminine one that has Jungkook's heart-melting just a bit. Eunha, his current girlfriend, and the one who was there for him when you left him. She was the band's current vocalist, and Jungkook couldn't feel any more grateful to have someone as supportive as her in his life.

"She's using a personal situation to make her more popular, all the while bringing us down in the process! There's nothing else to call her but a bitch when she's hurting the band she started with! Is that how she says thank you when the band's been nothing but good to her?

It's incredible, Jungkook thinks to himself, how he was able to find someone like Eunha. She was the most compassionate and understanding person in the world, a far cry from what you had become. Bitter, selfish, and downright ungrateful. You probably wrote that song out of spite just to get back at him when he did nothing wrong in the first place. You were crazy, and he was glad Eunha allowed him to see through all of your lies. 

"Shut the fuck up, will you?" Jungkook's eyes darted in surprise to Yugyeom, the band's drummer, who had just cursed at his girlfriend. He glares at the drummer, mad at the fact that the usual happy-go-lucky man was now acting bitter in front of his girlfriend, who had done nothing wrong. Were his bandmates woven that deep within your cruel lies?

"Excuse me, what did you just say?" Eunha asks, appalled, tears forming from the corners of her eyes, which only causes the anger within Jungkook to grow. How dare they. How dare they make Eunha cry when she was doing nothing but telling the truth?

"You heard me, Eunha," Yugyeom continues, paying no mind to the burning rage that was about to burst within Jungkook. "I said shut the fuck up. So what if (Y/N) wrote a song about Jungkook? Why does it matter? She has every right to. I mean, our next single is literally a song Jungkook wrote after the breakup, so why the fuck are you berating her for doing the same?"

"Because she's hurting our reputation!" Eunha exclaims, clearly frustrated at how Yugyeom and Jaehyun weren't getting her point. "And besides, she was the one in the wrong during the breakup. What right does she have to make a song about it?"

Jaehyun scoffs, glare intensifying, causing Jungkook to clench his fist at their hostility. "And how do you know that when you only heard Jungkook's side of the story and not (Y/N) 's? For all we know, Jungkook could also be in the wro—"

Before Jaehyun could finish his sentence, Jungkook explodes, immediately rushing over to where Jaehyun sat and grabbing him by the collar, causing the rest of the band and Namjoon to panic, trying to break them apart, while Eunha watches, scared. 

"You motherfucker," Jungkook curses, hand raised into a fist, ready to punch Jaehyun in the face with all the force he could muster. But before he could do so, Namjoon and Yugyeom immediately held him back, causing Jaehyun to let out shaky breaths as he glared at Jungkook, hurt, confused, and angry. "Why are you defending her? She was the one who hurt me! You're supposed to be my fucking best friend!"

"Maybe if you actually listened to what she had to say and what she was going through, then we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place," Jaehyun screamed back, anger slowly growing as each moment passed by. "You've always been like this Jungkook, self-centered and fucking mean. (Y/N) was right for wanting to leave."

"What did you say, you fucki—"

"Enough!" Namjoon screams, holding his ground. This had gotten out of hand, and it was beginning to stress him out, and clearly, that same stress was spreading through every single person in the room. This wasn't even supposed to be that big of a deal. All they were supposed to do was listen to the song you wrote, and come up with a statement, So why the hell did this turn into a full-blown fight?

Gosh, Namjoon needed a raise. 

"Jeon Jungkook calm the fuck down, or I'll have you on probation, you hear? The same goes for all of you. I don't want to hear any bullshit about who's right or wrong in the relationship. All I need is for us to listen to the song and figure out what we're going to tell the higher-ups. So stop acting like you're a bunch of teenagers and sit down."

Usually, Namjoon wasn't this scary. But there was a glint in his eyes that taunted the band. And they knew that in the heat of the moment, the best thing to do was to shut up and listen. Besides, he was right. The way they were going, no progress would have been made, leading to further complications. With a huff, Jungkook sits down, staring grumpily into space. He wasn't comfortable with what had just occurred, a frenzy of emotions bottling up inside him from the outburst.

Luckily for him, Eunha was quick to hold his hand into hers, soothing him enough to calm his nerves and mentally prepare himself for what was about to unfold. Because he knew he wasn't going to like it.

And true to his words, the moment Namjoon pressed play, he didn't like it. Not one bit. 

Jungkook couldn't quite pin why your song made his blood boil and heart clench. From an outsider's perspective, it was a good song. A really good song. As a musician himself, Jungkook would never deny that. You had a knack for creating some really great tunes that were out of this world, after all. It was the very thing that made him ask you to start a band with him in the first place. 

But there was just something about this piece in particular that seemed different. Your very aura was different, Jungkook concluded as he watched the video, listening to the way you screamed about how good it was that he was able to move on while you haven't. How you laced memories and fragments of your relationship and expertly wove them together to create a masterpiece that echoed into the very depths of his beating heart. 

It left a bitter taste in his mouth. Because amidst the chaos, you looked free. 

There was something beautiful about the way you were in the middle of a room up in flames, almost to the point where Jungkook knew that it was metaphorical. You liked metaphors. Jungkook remembers how long ago, when the band was just the two of you, you mentioned how metaphors brought out the beauty of the world. They made the ordinary extraordinary. They made the dull come to life. Metaphors were beauty itself, and that's precisely why you loved to play with them so much. 

It's funny to see how that part of you hadn't changed, even after how many years. 

"Jungkook?" Eunha calls out to him, a concerned look gracing over her face. "You okay?" 

Honestly speaking, Jungkook didn't know. The high of his anger had finally settled, and all Jungkook felt was a burning numbness scouring through his veins. It's laughable how mere hours ago, Jungkook was sure that today would be another great day to celebrate how amazing his life was. Yet, here he is, in the middle of a conference room, watching as you submerged yourself underwater at the last scene of your music video, feeling empty. 

He doesn't directly answer Eunha, afraid that if he were to say anything, unwanted words would slip from his lips, and he would unleash another round of chaos and hell. And he was too mentally exhausted to go through that again. So he merely nods, clasping Eunha's hand gently and sighing as Namjoon pauses the video, turning towards the group. 

"Well," Namjoon says, surveying the room to see the band's reactions. But who was he kidding? He knew damn well that the band wasn't nearly overjoyed seeing and hearing what their old friend had to say, especially Jungkook. The poor kid looked lost. "That's that. It looks too vague to be considered a song catered to Jungkook, so I'll inform the higher-ups that it has nothing to do wi--"

Suddenly, Jungkook stands up, causing a deafening silence to befall once more as everyone watches him with cautious eyes, afraid of what he was about to do. 

"I'm going to get a drink," is all he says, moving to head out the door. No one really says anything in protest, Yugyeom and Jaehyun still feeling the aftermath of the previous fight. Only Eunha seemed to be visibly bothered, scoffing at the rest of the team's reactions before quickly latching on to Jungkook's arm. 

"Babe, it's still early in the morning. At least let me accompany you?" She asks, that hopeful glint burning brightly in her eyes, to the point that it makes Jaehyun recline back in his seat uncomfortably, not liking the way she seemed so unnatural. You were never like that. And while Jaehyun knew it was wrong to make comparisons, he couldn't help it. 

You were his best friend just as much as Jungkook was. 

"I'll go alone," is all Jungkook whispers, shrugging Eunha off who is about to protest, but Namjoon is quick to shut her up with a gentle hand on her shoulder, shaking his head when she tries to chase after him. Jungkook needed to settle down and sort his thoughts through if he ever wanted a chance at getting through this situation with you. 

And maybe, just maybe, he could finally make amends. 

“Do you have a dream?”

This was the question that started it all, Jungkook supposed. He remembers the very day you asked him that one decisive question that, looking back, changed both of your lives. For good or for worse, Jungkook wasn’t sure. But as he reminisces the memories of the past and tries to figure out where everything went wrong, he couldn’t help the gut-wrenching feeling that settles within him. It’s so upsetting, in fact, that the moment Jungkook arrives in the pub across the street, he immediately drowns himself in a bottle of soju. 

The two of you were spending the lunch break in the empty stairwell, the same place where the two of you first met and the same place where the two of you gradually started to hang out. It was a quiet space, free from the condescending eyes of the perfection-seeking kids you called classmates. It was a space where you and Jungkook could be free, even for just a little while. 

Sipping on his banana milk, Jungkook looks at you curiously. You were staring at the strawberry milk he had bought you, fiddling with it nervously, not even bothering to look him in the eye. He wonders what goes on through your mind, what thoughts dance around within its hollow crevices, shaking you up and causing you to become a nervous wreck. Especially when the question wasn’t as bad as you were probably thinking. 

“Hmm, do you want the honest answer or the answer everyone wants to hear?” He asks back, looking up at the ceiling. For an elite school, they didn’t do well to maintain the more hidden areas. Was that a sign that they really didn’t care about things that weren’t relevant to them? Maybe. Maybe not. Jungkook didn’t particularly care. It was just more bearable t stare at the ceiling than sit in awkward silence, 

“Honest,” you say after a few moments, much more confident than a few moments ago. After hanging out with you for a few months and observing you within the silence of your conversations, Jungkook somehow knows that no matter what he’d do, you would forever be shy. Regardless if you knew someone well or not, the first moments of conversation would always be parallel to a first meeting. It was a curious thing, honestly. But it was more intriguing once he realized that your confidence grew the more you spoke. 

In a way, it was kind of cute. 

“I wanna make music,” Jungkook says after snapping himself out of his trance. He once again averts his gaze from yours, but this time it wasn’t to avoid silence, but rather to think, to immerse himself in his thoughts. Because this was the first time, someone had asked him what he truly wanted to do with life. The first time someone wanted an honest answer from him, not a polished response set up to please his parents and peers. 

“Not the classical kind, though,” he continues, smiling softly to himself. “Not really fond of it as much as you think.” From the corner of his eyes, Jungkook can see you gaping at him in surprise, and it causes him to chuckle. You were never really expressive beyond the weary walls of the seemingly abandoned stairwell. To the rest of the student body, you were expressionless. Someone who took all the beatings and ridicules with a blank face. As if you were a doll, waiting to be ruined. 

But here, you were much more alive. Much more expressive than Jungkook was used to seeing. It was as if the (Y/N) beyond the worn steps of the stairwell was an entirely different person. A mask you placed upon yourself to protect your heart from the cruel reality you had come to face. And Jungkook was more than fascinated at the fact that you had brought that mask down for him. 

“If I could, I’d do rock, maybe even some metal If I got enough courage,” he continues, smiling to himself unknowingly giddy at the sight of you. “There’s just something different about it, you know? The music runs through your system and gets you all hyped up; you just can’t resist it. And when the beat drops, it’s as if your emotions are on an all-time high, and it weirdly makes you kind of free. It made me realize that this was what music was supposed to be, I guess.”

“Wow,” you mutter, after staying within the silence of your initial awe. “That’s... poetic.” Jungkook laughs at the look of disbelief in his face, shooting his empty carton of banana milk in the air and watching in satisfaction as it lands straight into the empty trash can just right down the corner before turning to you, a grin high on his lips. 

“Oh, come on,” he whines, rolling his eyes playfully. “Why do you sound so surprised? Do I not look like I’d be a good musician?”

“It’s not that!” You quickly exclaim in your defense, flailing your arms in the air to avert Jungkook’s thoughts about the situation. Unbeknownst to you, Jungkook was only joking, highly amused at your reactions, wanting to see more. “I just assumed you’d be more into sports, you know, since you’re so good at it? If you ask me, you kind of look like you’d do well in either football or basketball… so I just kind of assumed that was what you wanted to actually pursue. Not that wanting to pursue music is a bad thing! It’s great, it’s just that rock is kind of unexpected....” 

You were beginning to ramble at this point, the shy sheep from within you bursting forth as you fiddled with your thumbs nervously, anxious to see Jungkook’s reaction. Would he be mad at you for assuming things about him off the bat? Probably not, right? You did initiate the conversation by asking him what his dream was, after all. Wait, maybe this was your fault. Gosh, you should have just asked any other question that wasn’t as deep. 

This friendship thing was too difficult for your liking. 

As you bury yourself in your thoughts, Jungkook couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. It was small at first, almost going unheard by you who was so deeply consumed by the matters of your mind, but the more Jungkook laughed, the louder he got until he was full-on cackling, much to your dismay, confusion, and shock. 

“What’s so funny?” You ask frantically, trying to make sense of his actions. Did you say something wrong? As far as you knew, you hadn’t, but what if you had and accidentally crossed the line? You hoped not. You really didn’t want to screw any chance you had at having a real, genuine friend. But to your dismay, your questions remain unanswered as Jungkook continues to laugh, almost as if he wasn’t planning on stopping anytime soon. 

“Hey!” You exclaim, pouting. “Stop laughing at me, Jungkook!”

“I-i’m sorry,” He says after a few more laughs, trying to wipe the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes. “I couldn’t help it,” He laughs again, although this time, it seems as if he’s calmed down, sporting a cheeky smile. “Your reactions are just something else!”

Jungkook watches as you become flustered, once more, much to his fascination and amusement. He’s never been the teasing type, or more like, he’s never had the opportunity to become the teasing type, especially with the perfect image he had to curate in front of his peers. But he liked this. He liked being friends with you. It made him all the more free. 

“What about you?” He suddenly asks after a while, feeling that it was high time to cut you some slack. You look up at him in confusion as if you had entirely forgotten why this entire conversation had happened in the first place. “Do you have a dream?”

It’s silent, yet this time, Jungkook notes, the silence is uncanny. It’s not the same comfortable silence that Jungkook is used to whenever he was hanging out with you. It was as if the silence had suddenly crashed down and enveloped the cheery atmosphere in its deceitful arms. A trap, if you will. 

And Jungkook was unsure whether he wanted to break free from it or stay there with you. 

But you take the first step, finally looking up to meet him in the eyes, and Jungkook can feel his heart sink just a tad bit from how empty and solemn they were. “I don’t think so,” is all you say, brushing off the concerned look on Jungkook’s face with a smile. “I’ve never really given it much thought. That’s why I asked,” you chuckle halfheartedly, staring up at the ceiling. “Although I think it would be nice,” you say, smiling a bit more genuinely. “You know, to have a dream?”

Jungkook doesn’t know what to say. How was he supposed to react to that, anyway? No matter how difficult his life was, he had always had a dream. It kept him going, made him push through no matter the difficulty. Dreams were the driving force of life. The hope amidst the darkness. To not have a dream, even just a small one, rattled Jungkook. 

It terrified him because now Jungkook realized that he knew nothing about you despite you being his first friend. He didn’t know the reason why you decided to become a living doll in the eyes of others. He didn’t understand why you subjected yourself to such suffering when, from the small talks you and Jungkook had with each other, you seemed to have a loving family. 

He wanted to help you, to be there for you. Because he wasn’t sure whether or not you were actually feeling lost. That’s what friends were for, right? Jungkook wasn’t exactly sure on how to do this whole friendship thing, but if there was one thing he did know, it was the fact that friends helped each other. 

And Jungkook would be damned if he couldn’t help you in any way that he could.

Soju bottles littered the lone table that Jungkook sat upon. At this point, he wasn’t sure how many bottles he had drunk, but it sure was many, more than he could handle if he were, to be honest, but amidst his drunken state, he just couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

Why was he acting like this anyway? 

He was supposed to be happy. His band was one of the most successful ones out there. He had thousands, if not millions of fans, who supported him in everything he did. So why, just why was this insignificant matter affecting him so greatly?

Was it because it was you?

“Dear, are you alright?” The old woman, running the pub asks, concerned as she sets down a piping hot bowl of warm hangover soup, which has Jungkook’s mouth watering to the point where drool almost seeps out, mainly because he only had a bite of a sandwich on his way to the office which Eunha forcibly made him eat. But even so, he couldn’t bring himself to eat, especially with the array of emotions that were burning deep within him. “Do you need me to call someone for you?”

Jungkook stays silent, not even bothering to respond to the old lady, who only grows wearier at the lack of response. He didn’t mean to be rude. It was just that he couldn’t find the strength to actually do anything but wallow in his own misery. His thoughts were going on haywire, with no place to land in sight. 

What had he done to deserve this? He was sure he had done nothing wrong, so why were you doing this to him when all he had done was, be nothing but nice to you? He had supported you ever since the beginning, and this was how you repaid him?

He doesn’t notice how the old lady leaves to call someone from the company, despite him not saying anything. It was probably for the best anyway. He was too out of it to even ask for help. The old lady was right and kind for going out of her way to do this for him. Although it made sense, after all, this specific pub was where Jungkook had been drinking ever since he had reached adulthood. 

Maybe she would call Namjoon? It was likely, but Jungkook hoped not. He was sure that if Namjoon were to see his sorry state, he would scold him until his ears bled out. Although he couldn’t really blame Namjoon, if any manager were to see their client drinking away their woes like he was, they would probably freak out. Primarily since he was known for drinking at most two bottles. Jungkook just really didn’t want to deal with Namjoon right now, especially after what had transpired earlier. 

He hoped that she would call Eunha. Sweet, loveable Eunha, who was there for him when the shitshow that was his breakup with you went down. Even until now, Jungkook was still in the dark of why you had left him and the band, but Eunha was the one who stayed by his side. Ever since he had met her two years ago when she first entered the company, they had become the best of friends. And now she was his girlfriend, and he couldn’t be happier. 

All of a sudden, a familiar voice wafts through the empty pub. One that has Jungkook’s head whipping everywhere it could to figure out where it was coming from. It was sweet, melodic even. But at the same time, it had a hint of melancholy and freedom? Why was the voice so familiar? Where had he heard it before? 

Jungkook’s eyes darted around, trying to see if he could spot the culprit behind his dilemma until they finally landed on the wide TV that sat in the middle of the pub, presumably for their customer’s enjoyment. And lo and behold, in his eyes, he sees you. 

It was a local music show where famous stars would often find themselves performing to promote their new music. He assumed you were there to perform your new single, the one song that had him sitting here broken and destroyed with pride in your chest. Did you enjoy this?

Did you enjoy knowing that he was broken because of you?

He hated it. He hated how bright your smile was the moment he caught sight of the camera focusing on you as the hosts began their interview. You were brilliant, cheery, happy. And it sickened Jungkook to the core. Why did it seem like you were doing fine when he was here all bothered? How selfish could you possibly be? 

But as much as it hurts him, he can’t find it in himself to look away. It’s a strange sensation that Jungkook couldn’t quite explain. Why couldn’t he avert his eyes from you when all he’s been feeling today was pain? It didn’t make sense. But honestly, Jungkook couldn’t tell what made sense anymore. 

He watches you sing, hearing those blasted lyrics that made him rage just mere moments ago. Yet, this time, the lyrics made his heart clench. Perhaps it was the fact that your performance seemed more genuine because you were singing live. But why? Why were you singing those lyrics as if they had genuinely happened to you? Jungkook never caused you any pain, so why did it seem as if you were hurting more than him? 

The thoughts were too much. It was driving Jungkook crazy, and all he wanted to do was drown in them. He didn’t want to think. Thinking heightened the pain that brimmed deep within his chest. He just wanted to float in the ocean of his misery and stay there, hoping that someday he would land ashore and the pain would come to an end. 

Maybe if he took one more shot, it would help? 

He pours down the last remaining soju into his shot glass, not caring if it overflowed and spilled out on the table. Rationality was far out of his mind at this point. All Jungkook wanted to do was do anything that would make him feel numb. 

He raises the glass shakily, ready to feel the burning sensation of the alcohol run down his throat, that temporary relief that made him sink deep down into this endless cycle of emptiness. Yet, it doesn’t happen. 

A hand shoots down to stop his wrist. It’s a familiar yet unfamiliar hold, something Jungkook can’t quite place. Where has he felt this hold before? He looks up, his eyesight a bit blurry from his drunken state, so he squints, trying to see clearly. 

Who was it? Namjoon? Eunha? Heck, Jaehyun?

Turns out it was none of them. 

When his sight finally clears, he gasps in shock, breath hitching in his throat as he takes it all in. Because the person, whose hold was familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time, wasn’t his manager, nor was it his girlfriend or best friend. 

It was you. 

The person, the old lady, had called to get him was you. 

Well, Jungkook be damned. 

When you got the call from the old lady, you were on your way to your new studio after finishing up a schedule you had prior. The past few weeks have been busy for you. Leaving the band and Jungkook was no easy feat. It was a decision that you knew was a high-risk, high reward yet at the same time had higher chances of failure. 

After all, even if you hated to admit it. Without the band, you had nothing. 

Sure, there was the fame that came with all of the band’s success. You were the vocalist, after all. It was exhilarating knowing that millions out there would be listening to your voice, singing music you created with people you loved dearly. But in the midst of all of that, there was nothing. 

Jungkook, Jaehyun, and Yugyeom had everything going on for them. A backup plan in case the band didn’t succeed. A plan B, if you will. It made sense. They had privilege dripping from the palms of their hand, after all. Even if they had their own troubles and doubts, they didn’t have to worry about finding another way out because there already was a path laid out for them in the beginning. 

You went into all of this, risking everything. 

It was a choice that you had seemingly made on impulse if an outsider were to look back at the situation. When Jungkook had asked you to start a band with him, it was during another one of your many lunch dates, as you two had jokingly called it. Only this time, the two of you weren’t sitting on the cold and empty stairwell, but instead, you were in the old music room. 

“I can’t believe this,” Jungkook mumbles to himself as he cranks the rusted door of the old music room open. People barely used it nowadays, much to his disbelief yet relief at the same time. He couldn’t blame them though, the brand new music room was much more enchanting, filled with top-of-the-grade musical instruments than anyone would drool over. 

Well, at least it meant that he could have autonomy over the room (even though that wasn’t really the case). “You’re telling me that you never heard rock or metal before?” He gapes in disbelief as he sits on one of the dusty desks, looking at you with an outraged expression. You sheepishly enter behind him, taking a sip of your drink as you took a seat beside him. 

“You never asked,” is all you say, shrugging. Jungkook looks at you once more incredulously, as if he couldn’t believe his eyes and ears. “That’s because I assumed you would have known what rock and metal are! They’re like the greatest music genres of all time. How can you not know it?”

You shrug once more, not really having an answer. Well, you did, but it was probably stupid. After all, if this was his reaction to you not knowing about rock and metal. What would his response be if he were to find out that the only music you’d ever listened to was classical and nursery rhymes? Yeah, probably not a good idea. 

“Well, get ready then,” he exclaims, bringing out his phone, much to your surprise. Model student and Mr. Perfect Jeon Jungkook breaking a school rule? Who would have thought that you’d ever lived to see the day? “Because you’re about to experience an awakening, I tell you. A revolution!”

It’s amusing, really. You had never seen Jungkook as passionate as he was at the moment. Was this what it was like to have a dream? His eyes lit up as if sparkles were floating around him. As if he were about to step on cloud nine and enter paradise. He was bouncing his leg lightly in excitement, a goofy smile on his face that kind of reminded you of a bunny. 

Maybe having a dream wouldn’t be so bad, after all. 

He immediately scoots over to you once he has his phone ready, grabbing his earphones and plugging it into his phone, handing you the other ear. You hold it, a small smile on your face, and hook it unto your ear, not really knowing what to expect but excited all the same. After all, this was the music that made your best friend passionate and hopeful for the future. For sure, it wouldn’t be bad, right? 

Well, to say the least, it was an experience. An experience you couldn’t quite tell if you enjoyed or couldn’t fathom. It was entirely different from the music that you were used to. From the bright and soothing tones came ones that were heavy and thundered on your ears. Yet, in a way, it was exhilarating. 

You could see why Jungkook was attracted to this style of music. In a way, it was unhinged, a little more rebellious than the traditional types of music you were used to. But that didn’t mean it was worse. In fact, that’s what made it more exciting. Jungkook was right. In those few minutes that he had introduced you to the world of rock, you’ve gone through an array of emotions, from confusion to thrill and excitement of the highest level. The rollercoaster of new sensations was, to say the least, intoxicating, 

Because immediately you got hooked. 

“Wow,” you mutter, looking up at Jungkook, who was looking back at you with lively eyes. “That was… something else.” 

“Right?!” He exclaims, immediately jumping off the desk to grasp your hands in excitement; it was endearing to see. Jungkook rarely got riled up like this. Music truly brought out the best in him, you thought to yourself, watching as he continued to dangle your hands in his. “Isn’t rock just amazing? Oh, what I’d do to pick up an electric guitar and play,” He sighs, and you can tell from the far-away look on his face that he’s daydreaming about something and the sight warms your heart. 

“You should,” is all you say, startling Jungkook out of his trance. “I think you’d do absolutely great in music, Jungkook! You should go for it.” Jungkook looks at you, stunned. He blinks, trying to process what you had just said, before clasping your fingers a bit tighter, unsure of himself. 

“Really?” He mutters softly, “You really think I can do it?”

“Of course,” you encourage with a bright smile. “If it’s you, then you can do anything!”

It’s silent for a moment, with Jungkook deep in thought. But you don’t necessarily mind, as more than anything, you understood the weight of your words. Being Jungkook’s friend meant that you stuck by him through a lot of undesirable moments, moments that both of you promised to never speak of unless it was absolutely necessary. 

You knew how much he longed for his dreams. Ever since that rather inspiring conversation you had around a week ago, you knew just how much Jungkook bottled up his true passions and desires, even though there were moments wherein he would freely let them out. 

“Then you have to be there with me,” he says, eyes filled with determination. “I don’t think I can do this without you (Y/N).”

Looking back at it, you chuckle at how swooned you were with Jungkook’s words. It was crazy to think that he had swept you off your feet with a mere ten words that ultimately decided the course of a good chunk of your life. You let him, and for that, you were to blame, But that didn’t necessarily mean that you regretted your decision in its entirety. 

Suddenly, your phone rings from beside you, and you grab it from where it lay in your purse, only to see an old number that you hadn’t seen in a while. It’s been a year, you think, as you accept the call, pressing your phone to your ear. “Hello?”

“(Y/N) dear! It’s been such a long time!” You smile at the cheery sound present within the old lady’s voice, although you can’t deny that you hear a twinge of worry within it. You used to go to her pub every so often back when you were still in the band. And the old lady had been such a sweet soul, acting as some sort of parental figure to you and your bandmates through the years. 

“It’s good to hear from you again,” you mutter, pleasantly surprised at her sudden call but also a bit suspicious because you had no idea what she was calling for. “May I ask why you’re calling me?”

“Ah!” The old lady exclaims, and suddenly the initial chirp present within her fades into a frantic tone that has your eyebrows furrowing in confusion, not sure what to expect. “Do you mind picking up your boyfriend?”

You blink, confused and startled. “I’m sorry,” you say, still not processing it clearly. “What was that?”

You hear a sigh from the other side of the phone. It sounds tiring, exasperated even, Which shouldn’t be the case since the pub usually opens up later at night. It was only open during the day for company employees. And what sane person would cause trouble with this much sunlight out? 

“Your boyfriend dear,” the old lady continues, sounding absolutely done, yet at the same time, the concern was still there, and you swear you hear the sound of glass falling in the back, causing your eyebrows to furrow in worry. “He’s been drinking for hours, and this is more than he’s ever drunk!”

You stay silent, letting it all sink in. The only person she could have possibly been referring to was Jungkook. There was no doubt about that. After all, the old lady’s pub was where you and Jungkook would often find yourselves having late-night rendezvous, drinking the night away as you bonded over whatever life was throwing at you within those moments. 

But now, the pub gave you nothing but pain. 

“Grandma, I’m sorry to tell you this, but me and Jungkook aren’t—”

“—So you’ll come, yes? Thank you, dear! Truly a lifesaver!” 

She hangs up. You stare at your phone in disbelief, shocked at the predicament you had unknowingly gotten yourself into. What were you supposed to do now? The responsible thing to do was to probably phone Namjoon and tell him about the situation. But with what had just transpired earlier today with the release of your single last night and your performance this morning, you’re not so sure he would appreciate any sort of contact from you. 

With a sigh, you turn to head towards the pub. No matter how much you hated Jungkook for the way he treated you within the last few stages of your relationship, you couldn’t leave him alone to wallow in his misery (even though there was a part of you that was secretly glad that he was torn because of you). It would be too cruel of you. Especially considering that Jungkook had been a significant part of your life. 

Huh, guess you haven’t moved on as much as you thought you had. 

Even just reaching the pub brought back memories that you wish wouldn’t resurface. You and Jungkook used to wrestle over who would open the door for the other, and more often than not, Jungkook won. But you weren’t one to lose quickly, even to him. 

The familiar jingle that came with opening the door brought a pang of nostalgia to your heart. When you and Jungkook would enter the pub, just ten seconds after the jingle faded away, the old lady would come out of her quaint kitchen and say

“Welcome home— Oh, there you are, dear!”

Not exactly how you remembered it, but it was still familiar all the same. 

“Hello grandma, how are you?” You greet with a solemn smile, watching with fond eyes as the old lady comes up to clasp your hands within her own. “Oh dear, I haven’t seen you in forever. Why haven’t you visited in so long?” 

You’re not sure what to say. How are you supposed to tell her that you left and broke up with the man she asked you to pick up? That would put her in an awkward position, and you didn’t want to cause stress for the already weary lady. 

“Oh, never mind that,” she says, luckily dropping the subject. “Come in, come in, your boyfriend’s over there drinking in the corner. Did something happen? I’ve honestly never seen him drink this much before. At this rate, he’s going to finish my soju supply before I open up for the night!” 

You enter the main area, and immediately you’re hit with the familiar, comforting scent of alcohol and home-cooked meals, as odd as it sounds. Although the smell of alcohol was by far heavier in the air, and as you turn to look for the source, your eyes land in Jungkook.

And you’re, for lack of a better word, shocked.

It was almost as if he was drowning in an ocean of soju bottles, with some of the alcohol dripping off the table and into the ground or his clothes. Partly because he was pouring himself another shot, which you know he can’t take.

He could barely handle two bottles when the two of you were dating, so why did it feel like he was drinking more than ten. If he wasn’t stopped now, something majorly damaging could happen to him, and as much as you never wanted to speak to him, you couldn’t just ignore him when he was literally on the brink of life and death.

You stomp on over to where he’s at, hastily quickening your steps as he’s about to down his last shot, and before you can even think about what to do, your instincts act on their own, and your hand reaches out to him, stopping him.

No words are spoken. Rather, you can’t find the words to say as you watch with solemn eyes as Jungkook looks at his hand confused. He tries to shake it, to move his arm so he can bring the shot glass to his lips, but you remain firm in your grip, clasping just a bit harder so he wouldn’t push through with the shot. 

He looks around, following the trail left by your grasp until he meets your eyes, and already you can feel the whirlwind of emotions bubbling up inside you. This was the first time you and Jungkook have met after the breakup after leaving the band. You never expected the two of you to meet this way. Although, you supposed life was funny like that. It liked to throw unexpected situations in your face, especially in the most inappropriate times.

You watch as he squints, trying to make sense of who you were before he gasps, arm slacking, falling into the side as the alcohol from the shot glass splatters into the air. He squints once more as if trying to ensure that what he was seeing in front of him was real before stammering. 

“(Y/N)?” He whispers, broken, voice breaking. You try not to let your emotions show, knowing that if you do, he’d only lure you back into him, which was something you did not want at all. You were done. After many months, heck years of being torn apart by him, you couldn’t afford any more pain. It would break you even more than it already did, 

“Hey,” you whisper back, breath hitching as you watch the way Jungkook’s eyes widen at the sound of your voice, loud and clear for him to hear. Even with his drunken state, he can’t deny the pang of nostalgia that runs through his veins once he finally registers that it’s you standing before him. In the flesh. Not a vision on TV or a picture of you from his memories. 

It was you. 

“What are you doing here?” He slurs, trying to reach out to you, but you move away, refusing him any form of affection. Because you two were too far gone for that. 

“Grandma called,” is all you say, the disappointed look in Jungkook’s eyes not going unnoticed. “Asked me to pick you up. Said you’ve been drinking more than you used to and… I can see that.”

You gesture to the empty soju bottles that littered the table with a grimace, turning back to Jungkook only to hear him scoff and point a finger to you accusingly, although with his drunken state, his posture was way off. “Who do you think’s to blame?” He asks, sarcasm laced within his tone. You raise an eyebrow at that, choosing to let him continue before you could offer back any sarcastic remark of your own. 

“It’s you!” He continues, slamming his fist to the table, much to your surprise. “You and your stupid fucking song…. I mean, what the fuck is up that?”

“What the fuck is up with what, Jungkook?” You quip back, eyeing his fist cautiously in the case he would do something dangerous that would either injure him, you, or if worse comes to worst, both. 

“Don’t play dumb with me,” He continues, and Jungkook can feel the irritation, frustration, and fatigue build within him now that he’s finally gotten a chance to let all these raging emotions out. “You know what you did! Why’d you do it, huh?” His voice grows louder, causing you to flinch as you move your chair back just a bit. 

“Why’d you have to ruin my fucking reputation?” 

All of a sudden, it’s like something in you snaps. 

You can’t believe it. You can’t believe the audacity Jungkook had to say something as outrageous and stupid as what he just said. The emotions that were already burning up within you finally exploded as you stared at him with all the anger and disbelief you could muster. 

And here you thought he was drinking because he had finally realized all the wrongs he had done to you. What a fool you were. 

“Excuse me?” You say, exasperated. “What did you just fucking say?”

“I said what I said (Y/N),” Jungkook continued, not noticing the way rage was about to take you into its waiting arms, only to allow you to explode upon him with all the pent-up hurt that you’ve accumulated inside you. “You and your fucking song ruined the band any my reputation. Is this how you repay me after everything I’ve done for you?”

You blink. The words slowly make their way towards you as you try to process them, letting out a chuckle at how ridiculous his words were. “Are you being serious right now?” You say, scoffing at how there wasn’t an inch of regret on Jungkook’s face. “You’ve got to be joking, right?”

You want to give him the benefit of the doubt. You want to give him a chance to prove your ears, mind, and heart wrong. That he wasn’t actually thinking those absurd thoughts that had your gut-wrenching and your heartbreaking after already being broken. This couldn’t be the Jungkook that you knew, right? He wouldn’t be this cruel, right? 

“Do I look like I’m joking?” 

“You piece of shit.” You spat without even realizing it, surprising Jungkook. He’s sobered up just a little from your outburst, looking at you like a deer caught in headlights. For a moment, you regret speaking without any thought. But the more you try to rationalize it, the more the anger burns. This was unacceptable. 

“Reputation?” You scoff, looking at him incredulously. “You’re fucking worried about your reputation when there are bigger issues to be addressed here?” 

“(Y/N) I—”

“Shut up, Jungkook,” you say, cutting him off coldly. “You don’t get a say in this when all you’re worried about is your reputation over a broken relationship with someone you’ve grown up with for the past thirteen years!” 

Wide-eyed, Jungkook gapes at you, and you, in your disgruntled state, take this chance to get back at him, unleashing all the feelings you’ve buried deep inside you. 

“You dare ask me why I’m treating you this way when you’ve been nothing but nice to me?” You mock, his words hurting more than they should. “Do you even bother to ask yourself as to why I broke up with you in the first place, Jungkook? Why I left? Did you even bother to listen to my song?” 

His silence echoes throughout the pub, further shattering any lingering hope that you had about the situation. “No,” he says after a while, firm in his belief as he stared back at you, although his gaze seemed as if it could easily water away. “Didn’t think it was necessary; after all I did nothing wro—”

“—You treated me like shit for the last two years of our relationship, Jungkook. That’s what you did wrong.” You exclaim, not wanting to hear his excuses. “Are you really this blind to not know? To not see your own faults?”

How could he? You think to yourself, the unbearable pain of this revelation thrumming through every fibre of your being. It was painful. Painful to hear that he hadn’t even thought about the situation through your lens. He was too absorbed with what he had going for himself that he failed to see the world through your eyes, and it frustrated you to no end.

Because that breakup broke you like no other. 

Choosing to leave wasn’t an easy decision, by no means. You had risked everything to help support Jungkook in hopes that you would find a dream of your own. You joined the band, knowing that you would put your family’s safety and security at risk instead of pursuing a more stable career like starting a business or becoming a doctor.

You became selfish to follow Jungkook, so of course, you were attached. 

Jungkook, in a sense, was your world. You suppose, looking back at it now, that wasn’t the healthiest decision you took for yourself. But at that time, you could not help yourself. He was your first friend, your first love, your first everything. Jungkook showed you the ways of the world and then shattered it without a care. Of course, more than any other breakup, it would tear you apart.

Because to be honest, loving Jungkook made you happy. You remember when he first asked you out. Probably one of the best moments of your entire life. It happened after your band’s first major gig to open up the local summer festival. The two of you were still calming down from the high of the performance, excited, thrilled to have finally been given the opportunity in front of a bigger crowd. It felt surreal seeing the fascinated faces and happy smiles as they listen to your music.

Jungkook was right. This feeling was incredible.

“Holy shit. That was amazing,” Jaehyun laughs, hugging Yugyeom before turning to hug you and Jungkook. “I can’t believe we just did that!” 

“Do you think they liked us?” Yugyeom, ever the timid one asks. “I felt like I made a mistake somewhere along the second cho—“

“—Who cares, man?” Jungkook says, cutting Yugyeom off with a playful slap to the back. “We just fucking performed our first major gig. This isn’t time to be wallowing down on our mistakes. This is a time to celebrate!” 

You and Jaehyun hollered in agreement, following Jungkook as he dragged Yugyeom backstage where the four of you packed up, took a few commemorative pictures, and made your way towards the nearest convenience store to celebrate the night with some good old ramen, ice cream, and whatever your hearts desired.

It was a fun night, one filled with laughter as the four of you joked about whatever your mind could think of. Jungkook boasted about how he was right about their band getting somewhere, of how Jaehyun and Yugyeom, who were much more hesitant in joining the band, and after months of no progress, we’re beginning to regret it, had nothing to worry about. 

Jaehyun and Yugyeom even mustered up the courage to do a speed eating challenge, grabbing about her round of hot piping ramen and racing to see who could eat it the fastest, despite the heat burning their tongues both literally and figuratively.

It was a night where for once, the four of you didn’t have to worry about life outside of the band. Didn’t have to worry about the social pressure from school or home, Didn’t have to worry about stupid tests or becoming the best, for once the four of you could just be yourselves. Unapologetic and free.

When Jaehyun and Yugyeom decided to pack it up and head home, saying that if they didn’t arrive before their dreaded curfew, then their parents would literally send them to the pits of hell, you didn’t notice the way Jungkook grew silent. Maybe you did, but you were too preoccupied with the nauseated looks on Jaehyun and Yugyeom’s faces as they headed towards the public restroom to flush out the ramen in their system. 

“Hey (Y/N)?” Jungkook asks once Jaehyun and Yugyeom are nowhere to be seen. You hum in response, turning to look back at him, and immediately your eyes become overwhelmed with worry at the serious look on his face as he gazes up at the night sky, seemingly nervous and scared.

“Will you go out with me?”

It’s unexpected, a bomb to your heart if you could call it. You gasp the moment the words flow out of his mouth, staring at Jungkook in shock. Did he really just ask you out? 

You think it’s a joke. A cruel trick of nature. But by the way, Jungkook nervously fidgets from where he sits, and his eyes nervously dart around. Like they usually do during nerve-wracking situations like these, you knew in your heart that his words were true.

And you couldn’t be more overjoyed because you had fallen for Jeon Jungkook too. 

Throughout your many years of friendship, you had gotten to know Jungkook inside out. You were there when he threw a mini tantrum over missing first place in the final exam by one point, knowing that his parents would be disappointed in him. You were there when the two of you went out to buy his first-ever electric guitar after months of saving up money secretly. You were there for him when he was convincing Jaehyun and Yugyeom to join the band, even when he was about to get into a fight with Jaehyun over the matter.

And like clockwork, you had fallen.

It wasn’t particularly hard to do so. Jungkook had this certain charm to him, after all. He was an enigma. He could draw people into his rhythm like it was nothing and have them follow to the beat of his own drum. Sometimes you wondered if there was a hidden secret with the way he could so easily attract people, but the more you hung out, the more you realized that wasn’t the case at all. He was genuine in everything he did.

“Yes,” you say without hesitation, causing Jungkook to whip his head to face you in the blink of an eye, mouth slacking in shock. He blinks, you smile, and suddenly a smile of his own is forming on his face, reaching all the way into his eyes. 

“For real?” He whispers, not wanting this moment to slip away from his grasp. He was so close to having you in his arms, something he’s wanted for the longest time, that he was afraid that if he spoke any louder, he would ruin any chance he got. But your reassuring gaze and gentle hold immediately calm the raging wave of anxiety within him. “For real,” you affirm, and suddenly you’re in Jungkook’s embrace. 

It’s a warm embrace, one that has you returning it back with the same vigor, the same excitement bubbling in your chest. This marked the beginning of a new chapter for you and Jungkook, one where the two of you would walk down the unclear path you have chosen, still remaining by each other’s side, but this time, with hands intertwined.

You just wished it didn’t go up into flames like this.

You blink, snapping out of your trance as you gaze at Jungkook. Once more, seeing the way his lips were pursed into a thin line, his brows furrowed as if he had a lot going on through his mind. Which was only fitting. He had to, or else this wave of hurt and pain would only intensify and turn into something you would never be able to control. 

Remembering the happy moments was something you had promised yourself not to do, for it only brought you into another world of pain after looking at how the two of you were faring now. But in the midst of agony staring right at you, you couldn’t help but let yourself reminisce in hopes of relieving some of that anger and hurt so you wouldn’t do anything out of hand. 

“Tell me, Jungkook,” you finally say after a moment of silence, and you want to curse yourself for the way your voice cracks at the end. You had to be strong. You had to get through this. Because there was no way, you were going to let Jungkook ruin you once more. “How do you think our relationship was going within the last two years?”

Silence befalls the room for what feels like the millionth time, But this one is heavier than the last. Jungkook looks at you with such a severe gaze that you almost falter, forgetting the fact that he’s drunk with the way his eyes bore into yours. 

You dread his answer, not knowing what to expect. With the way, he was acting, and with all the things he’s said and done, you knew that his words would only hurt you even more from here on out. You clutch the fanfic of your sweater tightly, hanging on by a thread. 

But he says nothing.

The heavy silence lasts longer, and the more it persists, the more disappointment and disbelief creep into the cracked crevices of your already broken heart. Was he really going to act this way? Saying nothing at all? Did your relationship mean nothing to him in the past 2 years? 

“Unbelievable,” you mutter, letting out a scoff as your eyes scan his figure. He’s hunched up as if unsure of what to do, what to think, or what to say. There’s probably a flurry of emotions running through his mind, but you don’t pity him. You hope it continues to weigh heavy, as it did to you for the last three years. 

“I was miserable, Jungkook,” you whisper, recounting the memories you had buried deep within, afraid to open them up again at the cost of your already fragile happiness. But to be truly happy, one needs to let go of all the agony locked within. “Ever since Eunha came into our lives, you started treating me like a side character, as if I wasn’t your girlfriend.”

“And no,” you say sternly, already knowing what Jungkook was to say by the way his eyes widened and his mouth slacked, an arm up in protest for your words. “I’m not blaming Eunha entirely, contrary to what you may think. Sure, her arrival started it all. Sure, there were times where she acted so out of line that I wanted to slap her in the face n’s remind her who exactly she was talking to. But I couldn’t. Do you know why, Jungkook?” 

His eyebrows furrow in confusion, and you take a deep breath as you gather your thoughts. This was the first time you were finally going to let out all of your frustrations that’s been building up inside you for the past few years. It was a nerve-wracking feat, but a necessary one nonetheless, as even in those few moments of speaking, you were starting to feel just a bit more free. 

“Because I didn’t even know who I was anymore.”

Jungkook’s never been this confused in his life. 

It’s as if you had dropped a bomb on him without warning, causing him to be in a frenzy. What did you mean? How could you blame Eunha? Eunha was a sweet girl who could do no wrong. She was there for him whenever he needed that extra support, whenever he needed someone to ground him in this cruel, unforgiving world. 

She was there when you weren’t and was a constant in his life. How could such a sweet girl like her be the catalyst of this catastrophic situation? It had to be a joke.

“You’re lying,” he mutters, shaking his head in disbelief. The pain in his heart was coming back again, and just when he thought he had finally gotten rid of that after drowning in alcohol moments ago. This was your fault. You and your stupid song, your stupid lies. You were driving me crazy.

“I’m lying?” You ask, and Jungkook looks up to meet your eyes, feeling another burst of pain shoot through him at the agonizing expression on your face. Why did you look so hurt? He did nothing wrong. He didn’t hurt you. He couldn’t have. He had always been there for you. He was the reason you could do what you could in the first place. There was just no way that misery was because of him.

“Jungkook, did you even realize that with how much time you were spending with Eunha, you weren’t spending time with me anymore? Remember how you used to walk me home at midnight after your time at the studio and my radio show? You stopped doing that ever since she appeared.”

Lies.

“For days, I stood outside the company for hours, waiting for you to bring me home because you promised that you’d never miss it for the world. And on the day that I finally decided to check up on you, worried that you might have been overworking yourself? I see you in the studio, laughing with Eunha.”

 Jungkook wanted to scream. He was stressed. He had to make music. Why couldn’t you understand that? 

“And when I confronted you about it? You shrugged me off, saying I was overly dramatic.”

You are. Jungkook insists in his head, thoughts spiraling. What’s wrong with him not bringing you home. Even if he was your boyfriend, he was not obligated to, right? You were supposed to understand him, right? That’s what lovers are supposed to do.

“I thought to myself, maybe you were right. Maybe I was overdramatic, so I did what you asked and shrugged me off. Yet, with each passing day, it felt like I was a stranger in your eyes. Do you even realize Jungkook that ever since Eunha came into our lives, we’ve only been on three dates?” 

You’re too demanding, his mind screams. Three dates? That was plenty for successful stars of your caliber. You had to understand that being under the limelight meant that he couldn’t reserve all the time in the world for you. 

His heart clenches painfully again, and Jungkook feels a sob hitch in his throat. 

“It hurt.” You cry, letting out the words that Jungkook wanted to say. “It hurt so much watching the love of my life and my best friend toss me to the side. Where was the you that promised that you’d always be there for me? Where was the you that promised to stay?” 

You’re crying now, tears streaming down your face as the words you’ve kept hidden for the longest time finally make their way out of your system. Every part of you was screaming in agony and pain, and you can feel the mended parts of your patched-up heart slowly break again. 

“Jungkook, I loved you. I loved you so much that I risked it all for you. I joined the band even though I wasn’t sure of our future because I saw how happy you were. You showed me what happiness could be, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that, but at the same time, you showed me firsthand real pain and heartbreak. And I don’t think I can ever forgive you for doing that.” 

No. Why? You had to forgive him. You were his best friend. Stop. Stop speaking. Stop it. 

“I left because I wanted to keep what we still had within our memories.” You whisper, remembering the night you finally came to your decision. Remembering all the times you cried and broke down, not knowing what to do or where you should go. All the times where you forced yourself to put on a smile on your face and act as if everything was fine even though it wasn’t. 

“And I hoped that in leaving, we could pick up all the broken pieces and create something new with them. Maybe it would not have been a relationship as strong as the one we’ve had before. But at least it was something. And at least I would have still had a connection to you.”

You’re calm now, in a much better headspace than before. But that didn’t mean the ocean of despair that you surrounded yourself in dwindled in the slightest. It was still there, waiting in silence for the moment it could envelop you once more into its treacherous arms and drown you in its suffocating whispers. 

“But what the fuck is this?” 

You can feel the tides begin to sway, and you will yourself desperately to keep them down. With how the situation was unfolding, you needed to be the bigger person. For your sanity, For Jungkook’s, and for the closure that you both needed, which you weren’t sure would ever peacefully come to an end. 

“I never thought that you’d think of us like this Jungkook,” you whisper, and much to your horror, a tear slipped from the crevices of eyes as you hurriedly wiped them, standing up to grab your purse as you stood to leave the pub, not caring one bit if Jungkook got home safely or not, you were too overwhelmed to care. 

“I thought you loved me,” You whisper as you turn to look at him one final time, and all of a sudden, Jungkook is hit with wave after wave of sadness, anger, pain, frustration radiating from you. It suffocates him, and the only thought running through his head were questions of him hurting you? Was this really all his fault? 

“But I guess you only loved yourself.” A chuckle falls from your lips as you make your first step out of the door. Not paying mind to the old lady who looks at you with a worried gaze, you turn to open the door of the pub, only for someone else to beat you to it. 

Lo and Behold, It’s Eunha. 

“You,” She gasps as she takes in your disheveled and exhausted state. Although that immediate shock quickly disappears as she catches Jungkook’s equally petrified state from the corner of her eye. She then glares at you, but you honestly can’t find the energy within you to care.

Because this was never about her in the first place, even if in some way she plays a small part. 

“What did you do?” Eunha spats as she rushes past you to go to Jungkook, not even bothering to hear you out. You sigh, gathering the last remaining buts of courage within clenched fists, and make your way out of the door, leaving Jungkook, your broken heart, and the memories you two shared behind for good. 

Not caring what he would do with those fragments in the end. 

“Jungkook!”

Eunha exclaims, immediately hooking her arms around him and hoisting him up into an embrace. “What happened? What did that bitch do?” But Jungkook doesn’t answer, thoroughly overwhelmed by the range of emotions that had just surpassed him from his conversation with you. 

Was it truly his fault? Was he the reason why things had turned out this way? There was no way right. He had treated you right, right? 

Jungkook tries to convince himself that he’s done nothing wrong, that he was perfectly innocent in this situation. But that nagging feeling deep within his mind and soul screams at him to finally realize the truth. He’s scared. He doesn’t want to know what lies beyond the bubble of happiness he had placed himself in. He doesn’t want to feel the agonizing pain he’s put himself through without realizing it. 

But not doing so would kill him more than knowing the truth ever will. 

So he opens the door to the truth and wallows in the misery of what he’s done. 

To be fair, there was some truth to Jungkook’s words. He had treated you like you were the most precious thing in the universe. And that was because, for the longest time, Jungkook did consider you highly special to him. You were his first friend, the first person he could confide his feelings in, the first person who showed him what love could be like. 

You grew up together, cried together, had your first drink together, stood on stage for the first time together. You had done just about everything together, and Jungkook cherished you more than anything in the world. 

In everything he did, he always tried to make you a part of it. Whether that meant buying your favorite drink or sending you pictures of whatever he was doing, Jungkook always wanted to help you see the world through his eyes because you deserved that much. 

Ice cream dates, sneaking out at night to have some chicken and beer, random dates at the local arcade, a stroll at the beach. You and Jungkook had practically done it all. So, where did it all fall apart? Where did Jungkook go wrong?

“Jungkook?” Eunha calls out, and Jungkook finally musters up the courage to look at Eunha, who was worriedly trying to get him to answer her. Her hold is familiar, something he’s been used to in the past two years, yet at the same time, something was missing within her warmth. An unexplainable feeling he couldn’t quite describe.

And then he realized it wasn’t you. 

Just when did he go astray? When did he start treating you like you weren’t the world to him? For sure, it wasn’t a singular moment. It was most definitely a culmination of many events that led up to his demise. But just how did it happen? 

He looks at Eunha’s worried eyes, those same eyes that he thought meant the world to him within those two years of your break up. Yet, for some reason, he just couldn’t look at them in the same way anymore. Not when there was this hollow emptiness in his heart that called out for you and only you, 

It was like a game of tug and war in his heart. He still loved Eunha; that much was for sure. But he couldn’t deny the love that he had for you as well. He remembered how Eunha was like a breath of fresh air for him. In the midst of all your nagging for him to take care of himself when he was working his ass off making new songs and dealing with management, Eunha was there to simply smile and encourage Jungkook. 

Like a fool, he got lured into Eunha’s charm and held onto it, not noticing that he was letting go of you in the process. 

His heart wails. It cries in pain and desperation of the love it has lost. Why did it have to be this way? Why was Jungkook such a fool? So consumed by his own selfishness, he abandoned the love you two shared and sought another, and now he was reaping what he had sown. 

You were gone. You would never come back. Whatever love you had between the two of you had left and died out. The world was cruel. It had given Jungkook so much hope yet took it away from him the moment he slipped up. Yet, he couldn’t really blame them. He couldn’t really blame you. 

Because he knew you had tried, he could see it in the way your eyes still cried out in pain when you see him. He could hear it in the agony of your voice as you sang passionately in your songs. He knew you did your best to pick up the fallen pieces and try to mend them back together. But all Jungkook did was rip them apart all over again. 

Life couldn’t have been any better for Jeon Jungkook until suddenly it was not. 

And he was the only one to blame. 

© yumeyooa 2021. All rights reserved. Copying, reposting, translating, and modifying in any platform aside from a03 and tumblr or by any means is NOT permitted and will be dealt with accordingly.

➢ taglist: @wearenot7withu @nadiaislas @bbydoejk​ 

[bitchassbucky]

Ｂａｃｋ Ｔｏ Ｙｏｕ (Ｓａｍ Ｗｉｌｓｏｎ ｘ Ｆ!Ｒｅａｄｅｒ)

📎Word Count: 1.5k

📎Warning/s: some heckin’ words. Bucky’s in this, he’s a bit annoying (affectionately) <3 MINORS DNI.

📎A/N: omg my first Sam fic! i wanna thank my boo @babyboibucky for enabling me hsakjdhak ily! this is for you, bee!

📎Masterlist || Ask || AFTERDARK

📎 Follow the story: Back To You, Dimples, Inked

“Are you even listening to me?” Bucky says, annoyed that Sam has been looking down on his phone, remotely giving attention to their conversation.

Sam grins, fingers dancing over the keyboard on the screen, “Yeah, yeah. Something about motel rooms—or beds.”

“I said that they gave us two beds in one room,” the former spots their door number, quickly walking to it. The tactical bag swinging over his cybernetic arm freely.

The night was warm, the air blew the ocean mist towards the town. The parking lot is empty save for a black sedan that’s already been through a lot. They chose to stay low instead of getting a room at a decent hotel close by–something about them not likening the crowd.

Once inside, both men cleared the room in 30 seconds flat. The window opens out, the door stays closed and locked. The TV has to be on but kept on low volume. The beds are made, it’s clean; beats the flat beds on the plane.

Sam throws his bag over to the bed closest to the window, calling dibs. “Hey, you got headphones?” He asks.

“No,” Bucky answers, settling his things below the foot of the bed, “why?” He catches Sam again smiling giddily over something, “what you got a girl there or something?” 

“It’s none of your business,” Sam retorts, quirking his eyebrow upwards, “well? Do you have headphones?”

“If you listened to me, you would’ve heard me say ‘no.’”

Bucky should’ve had brought headphones. Sam has been droning on and on with a ‘friend’ over on a video call.

Not that he’s eavesdropping and nosy but he saw how Sam lit up when a voice came in from his phone.

“Hey, Sammy! I finally get to see your face.” You say, your voice crackling over Sam’s speakers, “am I on speaker right now?”

Sam smiles, focusing on your background and seeing pictures and posters plastered on the wall, “oh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot my earphones somewhere.”

“What? Old man Barnes rubbing off on you?” You laugh, your glasses reflecting your laptop’s screen. Your joke sending Sam into a laughing fit.

“You know he’s in the room, right?” Sam clarifies as he turns the camera to Bucky, much to the former’s dismay. But despite himself, Bucky waves to the camera.

“Heard a lot about you, Barnes! Hope you’re ready for frequent bathroom trips from this one.”

Sam faces you again, a mischievous glint shining in his eyes, “Shut up or I’m gonna drop the call.”

You quickly send him an emoji via text, Sam rolling his eyes as you giggle. “Anyway, since you can’t join in on the fun, you’ll be my audience tonight.”

Sam gives you a confused look, a hint of crease appearing between his brows. “Tonight? What’s tonight?”

A fake gasp and an overdramatic show of hurt had him chuckling, “You already forgot the karaoke night you promised me, didn’t you?”

He grins apologetically and looks at the camera, as if looking into your eyes, “I’m sorry. Been busy these past few weeks.”

You smile softly, the imagery giving Sam a burst of butterflies in his tummy, “it’s okay. I was just being dramatic. I got that from you, you know.”

You are not a good singer. But you confidently belt out the highest of notes like one. Complete with hand gestures, you hold out the last note of the song.

“Thank you,” you bow down to your imaginary crowd off-camera, “I’ll be here all night.”

“On god, please don’t,” Sam interjects with a tender smile and soft eyes.

“Sammy!” Your eyes glazing over your screen, a deep pang of homesickness hitting you, “I missed this. I missed you.”

He nods, his lips pressed tightly as he tries to find the words to respond, “I missed you too, bub.” 

A soft note of a love song sounds over your speaker, traveling to his, “you love this song.”

Sam nods, reminiscing the moments he had with you during college. The one time you almost kissed—where are these memories and feelings coming from?! “Yeah, and---”

The doorbell rings on your end. Your eyes glinting as you stand up. Food delivery!

“Hold that thought, Sammy. My food’s here,” you say, your voice faint as you’re practically halfway through the door.

“She is a god-awful singer,” Bucky expresses, “but you love her, don’t you?”

“What?” Sam quickly taps a button on his screen—stupid Bucky and his stupid mouth. He covers his phone’s mouthpiece as if that could help, “shut the hell up.”

Sam’s changed demeanor confirms Bucky’s growing suspicion, “so you do love her!”

The latter glances at the empty screen, hoping you didn’t hear anything. Or maybe, he does?

The only sign of life from your end is the sound of various utensils cluttering and a metal bowl falling to the floor, making both men wince at the sudden noise.

Sam lowers the volume of his phone, facing Bucky from their respective beds.

“Shit,” Sam exclaims, running a hand over his handsome face, “maybe I do.”

This time, he finally lets himself go through the memories you made together before he left for the military.

The coffee dates, the late-night calls, the breakfast hangouts, the study sessions. You light up even the most boring of things. The texture of your skin, the sound of your laugh, the twinkle in your eyes bring Sam into a warm place.

You make him feel enough. You see him through and through.

Oh shit, he is in love with you.

Bucky just looks at him, boring holes in his face, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. “You really just realized, just now?” Sam’s not sure if it’s a rhetorical question.

“The way you talk about her. The way you talk to her. You see her and the things she like everywhere we go and you realize it just now?” So, it is a rhetorical question.

The revelation leaves Sam amused but unable to form words, “I… Do–I do love her. I’m in love with my best friend.”

A silent beat drops in the room—save for the faint hello? coming from Sam’s phone.

Ah, fuck.

Bucky put on his jacket planning to head out (to the motel’s ice machine) to give you two privacy. He bids Sam good luck and you a good night before walking towards the door.

As soon as the door shuts, Sam increases the volume on his phone again.

“Sam?” You call out, “I can’t see you, your cam’s off.”

In panic, he realizes that he tapped the wrong button—maybe Old Man Barnes had rubbed off on him.

You smile and sat up a little bit straighter when his face lights up your screen again.

“So… how much did you hear about the whole thing?” Sam wants to tread carefully around the subject, the first time he feels uncomfortable opening up to you.

He fully expects you to dismiss the topic, turn in for the night, and leave him lamenting about his feelings. And he’s somehow okay with it.

“Kinda, everything.” You confess, there’s nothing holding you back now, “I, you know-- I’m glad you got ‘round it. Even if it took you years.”

Another pin drops inside Sam’s head, “what do you mean?”

“Look, I confessed to you before we graduated but you never acknowledged it. So, I never brought it up again.” Even miles apart, Sam’s presence was around you. The bracelet he gave you during junior year, his favorite mug you borrowed from him, a ton of his shirts and hoodies that he gave to you before moving out after graduation. 

“You confessed to me? When?” Sam racks his brain for the smallest of details, for the quietest of whispers.

“I wrote you a letter. Remember? I slipped it under your door after finals week.”

After all these years, Sam never quite found out who wrote him that letter, “you never signed it.”

Sam didn’t expect you to laugh, to double over such a serious conversation, “dude, I did, I signed it. Why would I send you a deep proclamation of love without signing it?”

“It was written on pink paper, right? I still have it. You wanna bet that you don’t have your name on it?”

Your eyes widen in embarrassment, heat creeping up your cheeks, “oh my god, are you serious? I didn’t sign it?”

Sam laughs softly, his eyes crinkling the same way. There are lines decorating his eyes but he was still your Sam.

“No, ma’am.” He declares, the air somehow lighter now, “if you did, I would’ve said something.”

A hum escapes your lips, curling into a gentle smile, “good to know.”

The comfortable silence envelops the room, years of yearning and pining finally coming to end.

“Hey, after this mission - I was thinking if you want to go out. Catch up and you know, finally, talk in person.” Sam asks, there’s still a tiny voice inside his head not believing the talk that had transpired.

“I’d love that, Sam.”

The sentiment crashes and closes in on itself as Bucky barges into the room, holding a bucket of ice in one hand and a pack of beer in the other, “congratulations, idiots.”