#i kinda understand the idea if its on purpose about not changing answers but this is still ridiculous

[liquidstar]

Can you not edit asks anymore wtf??

[noaltbruh]

Bucci gang having a crush reader that was kinda reserved and quiet when they first met them, but once they get to know them they're really fun to be around? I'm talking random facts, suggestive comments, dad jokes 24/7, and low key flirt with them whenever they can?

Something super fluffy and light hearted please <3

First of all, I want to apologize for taking long to answer this, I'm so incredibly sorry and I hope that what I wrote will make up for it :(

Second, oh my God this request was so cute I can't- Let me know of you enjoyed it ^^

Bucci gang with a secretly goofy S/O 😉

Giorno 🐞

Giorno never minded your quiet and reserved nature, being rather closed off himself. He actually found some sort of comfort in just sitting next to you while you both did your own things, even if you didn't talk to each other.

It felt relaxing to be next to you, and you showed your true value in battle, which made him respect you as an individual even more. He knew that despite your apparent reserved and cold appearance, you were reliable and a strong companion.

However, the more time he spent around you, the more you started to show him your true colors which, needless to say, surely caught him off guard.

Giorno has always had an habit of trying to read people as soon as he met them, and he was able to get a pretty accurate idea of their personality just with a few interactions. This is why your slow, but evident change in behavior surprised him.

He grows to love this other side of you super quickly though! You sort of balance each other out, and you're always there to make him smile after he's had a long day at work. Whether you do it accidentally or on purpose, he'll be grateful for it anyway.

He loves to listen to your fun facts, he knows a lot of unusual information himself, but he's sure they're going to be useful to him in one way or another. So, in his eyes, you're helping him out!

Bonus point if it's nature related, he might make a small animal like the one you described and point out its little quirks, or grow a type of plant you told him about.

When it comes to suggestive comments, Giorno tries to play it cool and act as they don't really affect him, especially if the two of you are in public. This aspect of you is the one that surprised him the most, but he won't particularly encourage it.

In the best case scenario, he'll give you a little smile and brush it off like that, nothing much.

He may find himself thinking back about it and slightly giggle, but only when he's alone, so you'll never find out about it.

For some reason, I feel like he can sometimes be a bit dense to others' jokes, especially they're Narancia or Mista's. He knows he's supposed to laugh, he just doesn't understand why.

So, he particularly appreciates your sense of humor. He finds your dad jokes to be genuinely funny and actually gets them immediately, even though he knows that they are considered lame.

He won't tell any himself, but you can always expect him to chuckle whenever you hit him with one of your little gags, they make his day a bit better.

His reaction to you flirting with him may vary depending on the situation you're both in.

Let's say, for example, that you told him you think he's handsome in front of your friends. In that case, he will simply thank you and tell you that you're also beautiful.

If the two of you are alone, however, I don't know if it would be very wise of you to do so, as he won't hesitate to flirt back and won't stop until you get all flustered. He just loved to see your cheeks turning red from the embarrassment, he thinks it's adorable.

If you do manage you make him blush in public, then I must congratulate you, that is not something many people are capable of.

Bruno 🤐

While Bruno is a bit more of a talker compared to you, he's perfectly fine with your introverted nature and also tales pleasure with doing small everyday activities while you're by his side.

He's also quite good at reading people, so he's always able to tell whether it's better to respect your personal space, or make a move himself and start a conversation.

If he noticed you're getting tired of talking, he'll get the hint without you having to say anything and will wait until you've recharged a little bit.

He can't help but feel proud of himself when he sees you slowly opening up to him. But, unlike Giorno, he's not very surprised, after all he has been the one who took in the rest of the gang and watched them grow as people, he was quite confident in the fact that you would have started to show this other side of you sooner or later.

He doesn't know many fun facts (he doesn't have much time to learn about non-work related topics) but he likes hearing about them from you! He'll never get tired of them, especially since he notices how passionate you seem to be about sharing this sort of thing with him, he thinks it's sweet.

He will also try to look for a way to put that information into practical everyday tasks or on missions, whether he succeeds or not, he'll remember each one of them, he's got an awesome memory!

Although it may surprise you, he actually doesn't mind your suggestive comments unless it's a serious situation or meeting. I mean, come on, he's the guy who wears a lingerie, licked a kid and made a condom metaphor.

If anything, if he has the chance, he's going to add in to your remarks and you'll even be able to catch him smirking, it's actually quite fun to see this side of him for you too.

Ok, Bruno is dense as fuck when it comes to humor, he 100% doesn't understand any modern jokes or doesn't realizes that they're jokes in the first place.

Which is why he loves yours, they're literally the only ones he gets, being a mom dad himself. He will genuinely laugh at them and let me tell you this: his laughter is literally one of the sweetest sounds you'll hear in your life.

Also tries to crack some of his own to make you smile too! The two of you got called "boomers" multiple times by the others because of this, but the two of you don't care.

When it comes to flirting, he'll also block it out if he doesn't deem the moment as appropriate. However, under any other circumstances, even if you're just hanging out with your friends, be sure that he won't hesitate to show off a little and answer to your comments

If you can make him blush in public, he'll simply bring an hand to his mouth, cough and "thank you for your compliment".

It's adorable.

Mista 🔫

Mista didn't too much of you at first. Quiet, reserved people who seem to "not know how to have fun" were never really his thing, and he doesn't have the patience to put up with their introverted nature most of the time.

BUT- but, since Bruno quite enjoys sending people who don't really get along on the same missions (see the man in the mirror arc), I do believe that you slowly started to bond through them, helping each other kick the enemy's butt and eventually get the other's respect.

On top of this, conversations between you only got more and more natural, as you decided that it was time to open up a little to him and show him that you're not as dead inside as he thought at first.

You actually become a pretty chaotic duo, to your happiness, and to Fugo and Abbacchio's dismay lol.

Dude have you seen his whole talk about vegetarians and cannibalism? This guy is going to love your fun facts, he's the type of person who looks them up to do literally nothing with them or just find something else to discuss when he's eating with the rest.

Sometimes, he'll even just come up to you only to k ow if you have any new facts to tell him about. Despite the fact that he's not good at remembering details, he will actually never forget even just one of them.

You may even formulate some weird theory together starting from those, which may lead to a debate that could last hours on end if you're not stopped.

Mista is the king of suggestive comments, he might even anticipate you before you can make your own remark. Or, alternatively, the two of you might end up saying the same thing at the same exact time, you basically share one single brain cell and use it over dumb stuff like this. You both look at each other like you're mind connected and burst out laughing together.

This boy is too much of an idiot to appreciate your sense of humor, I'm sorry. Whenever you hit him with one of your dad jokes, he will tell you that they're lame while laughing at the same exact time. You don't understand if he's laughing at you, or if he genuinely likes them and he just doesn't want to admit it.

He will also tell you plenty of jokes, although they're pretty different from the ones you tell, and might even have some dirty implications a couple of times-

Speaking of which, he loves your constant flirting and will ALWAYS play along. Imagine him just shooting one of the enemy while simultaneously flirting back, tell you how cute you are for your attempts at teasing him, or how he thinks it's hot when you mercilessly kill the stand user you were tracking down.

It basically becomes a competition on who can get the other flustered before your partner can. Good luck, 'cause he won't go down easily.

Narancia 🍊

Unlike his best friend, Narancia IMMEDIATELY set his eyes on you as soon as he saw you, he just loves quiet people with all his heart. You can bet on your life that this boy just won't. leave. you. alone. No matter how hard you may try or how cold you might act.

He's constantly dragging you along on whatever he's up to, let that be pranks on the others, late night hangouts, playing games together till you fall asleep...Sorry, but you won't get rid of him.

He's fine if sometimes you just want to stay indoors instead of going outside, you can just chill at home and vibe, he'll understand!

He's a bit confused when he notices how different you are from when he first met you, especially since you're acting a lot more like him, are you trying to do an impression of him or something?

But he quickly grows incredibly fond of the new you! He's super happy he doesn't have to basically force you to do stuff anymore, and that you've begun to match his energy. He feels incredibly relaxed around you and knows he can just act naturally without having to worry about you judging him.

In return, he won't judge any of the behaviors or quirks you didn't show before!

Narancia doesn't know many fun facts, he's too lazy to look up that sort of thing, but he loves to hear you talk about whatever interest you have, so if you like those, he'll gladly listen to you.

He does have a tendency to forget them shortly after you've told them to him, so even if you accidentally say one twice, he won't even notice and will be all "WHAT??? NO WAY!! THAT'S SO COOL! YOU'RE SOO SMART!"

Not one to make suggestive comments himself, mostly because they just don't cross his mind, but he'll laugh an idiot at yours. He's got the sense of humor of a rotten potato, and you love him for that.

Also, I hope you don't mind others hearing it too, since considering how loud his laughter his, basically everyone around you will want to know what you told him.

Like Mista, he isn't really fond of your dad jokes, but he will still laugh at them because he knows you tell them just to see him smile, and it makes him happy.

Do you know the usual "If you like that joke, you either love that person or you've never heard one in your life". Yes, that's basically what's going on here.

Either doesn't realize you're trying to flirt with him, or gets incredibly shy and bashful over it.

Doesn't know how to flirt, couldn't respond to your provocations to save his life, literally nobody has ever flirted with him and he doesn't know how to process it.

Most definitely the easiest prey you'll ever find, you've gotten yourself a blushy Narancia, hope you're happy.

You might as well call an ambulance for him if you start teasing him about it and calling him cute.

Fugo 🍓

Fugo is actually incredibly happy to have someone like you by his side. You're so calm, silent, reserved...Basically a bit of peace for the chaos that is hanging with the others.

The two of you bond over your shared introverted nature and love for calm activities. You're one of the few people he'll be okay playing the piano for, and you just give him a nice, familiar feeling of stability that he adores.

He was a bit startled when he began to notice more layers to your personality than just your closed off façade, he can't deny that he almost couldn't recognise you at first.

But while your behavior may be different, you're still the person he feels the most comfortable around, his sweetheart, and he loves you regardless.

When he stops to think about it, he actually feels rather proud of himself for managing to get you out of your shell. He didn't even realize you were hiding in one in the first place, but the fact that you've decided to show him his true colors reassure him that he's doing a good job in your relationship.

Okay, this headcanon is silly, but I like to think that when Fugo can't sleep, he looks up random pieces of information on the Internet just to entertain himself.

It will be a bit hard to get him with a fun fact he doesn't already know. He might tell you that he's heard it before, but would love to dive more in the topic if it picks your interest.

It's sort of a silly activity and you know that what you are doing is probably not going to be useful to either of you, but you have fun with it anyway.

He doesn't like your suggestive comments. If you weren't his partner, he'd probably tell you to quit messing around and about this sort of thing in a not so nice way.

But since he wouldn't dare to speak to speak to you like that, he'll keep his composure and simply tell you that he doesn't think you should make these kinds of remarks.

Unlike Giorno, he gets modern humor but doesn't find it funny, just incredibly annoying, childish and lame. Mista and Narancia have tried and failed multiple times to make him laugh with their jokes, so they're surprised when you're actually work of him.

He'll let out a simple chuckle and smile at you when you tell him one. Yours are simpler and, in a certain way, a bit more innocent, which he finds cute. He doesn't know many jokes, but he might even look them up just to hear you laugh in return.

Also doesn't know how to flirt, he's literally never been in a relationship and does NOT know how to process your provocations. He may try to look unbothered or tell you that your comments don't work on him, but he's a terrible liar.

Gets incredibly embarrassed when you do it in public, but doesn't know how to make you stop. He probably just goes silent or tells his teammates to stop laughing at him if you happen to get flirty when you're all together.

Looks up on the Internet "smooth pick up lines" to be prepared for next time.

It doesn't work.

Abbacchio ⏮️

Abbacchio just...Kind of forgets you exist when he first meets you, although you could consider it a good thing, depending on how you see it. After all, it's still better than getting picked on like Giorno, isn't it?

In a more serious note, the man is simply relieved to know that at least the newest member isn't braggy or over the top like some others. You're chill and spare him a couple of headaches, which he genuinely appreciates, but is too proud to say out loud.

Starts to grow a bit curious of you seeing how closed off you seem to be. After enough time, you might even get him to let you stay while he listens to music and will share his headphones with you. He decides what you're listening to though, sorry about that.

Probably the most concerned when you start to reveal you're nothing like the impression you give at first. He may even wonder if you're feeling well and it's not actually some enemy stand messing up with your personality.

The imagine he had created of you sort of breaks, but a part of him actually kind of admires you. He's surprised at the way you can just completely let your defense down once you feel comfortable around someone, something he feels incapable of doing, even if he wanted to.

Your boldness, in particular, is what surprised him the most, how can you just be so outspoken? He doesn't get it's he just stares at you.

He's a bit confused as to why you would accumulate so many random facts and information, what's the point? When you tell him that it's simply because you like it, he doesn't really question it further and lets you have your fun.

A good listener if you want to ramble to him about a specific one or an unusual topic in general. He will keep a neutral expression the entire time, but he's actually paying a lot of attention, you just wouldn't be able to tell at first.

Mostly just rolls his eyes to the sky when it comes tp your suggestive comments. He deals with enough brats and dumbasses to the point where this sort of thing hardly ever bothers him anymore.

Lightly smiles at you if he spots you laughing with the others while you all joke about this subject, at least you seem to be having fun.

He knows your dad jokes are supposed to be updated, and not considered funny anymore, but he doesn't get why. He likes them because they're simple, and the way you tell them somehow only makes them seem funnier to him.

Still, don't expect much of a reaction, he doesn't want to show that something as silly as a joke can really affect him. He'll simply smile and you and say "Nice one" whenever he hears one. Secretly, he thinks the way you sometimes chuckle even before you're able to say it is quite adorable.

Lastly, he never gives in to your flirting attempts in public, he thinks something like that should be kept private, although one of your jokes caught him so off guard once, he almost spilled his wine.

When he's sure the two of you are alone, however, you can be assured that your provocations will not go unnoticed. I hope you won't mind having his lipstick all over his face.

Trish 🎙

Trish adores you, case closed.

No but seriously, this girl justly feels so incredibly attracted to in the moment she first meets you. The way you act all quiet and closed off reminds her of how she used to be when she encountered the rest of the gang back in Capri. She just had a feeling this isn't all there is to you, and she is not going to be satisfied until she proves she's right.

She will try to push you out of your comfort zone, keeping you company, asking you if you want to tag along when she goes gets some coffee or a new dress, asks you what you think of her latest song...She just wants you to feel considered.

You'll still have your alone time, she knows you probably want to have some sort of boundaries and she respects that wholeheartedly.

Gets super smug when things actually go the way she had predicted, and you pit down your introverted mask to reveal an incredibly sweet, goofy and lovely person.

Trish couldn't be prouder to have you by her side, she will always tell you how glad she is that she's devised to start a relationship with you and that she feels incredibly lucky to be one of the few people you feel secure being yourself around.

She knows what's it like to be forced to act all passive and unbothered to protect yourself, she just wants you to see that she's never going to think less of you for the way you act.

Amazed at how you seem to take interest in basically any sort of subject from the amount of fun facts you surprise her with. Always listens to you with pleasure and will ask you more questions just to prove that she's genuinely interested in what you have to say.

Probably knows a couple of music related ones and will he more than happy to tell you all about them! She mostly just kept them to herself before getting to know you, so she's happy to share them with someone once in a while.

Claims that suggestive/perv comments don't affect her, but if you're careful enough, you'll see her after covering up her giggle with her hand whenever you tell one.

If you try to point this out to her though, she will slightly blush and deny everything and tell you they you're just imagining things.

Now, talking about your dad jokes...It's a bit complicated, but kind of cute. She doesn't find the home itself funny, it's just something about that little smile you have when you tell them, or the way you run up to her filled with energy just so she can hear them too is what truly gets a good chuckle out of her.

She will gladly play along with you and might even try to come up with her own jokes to make you laugh once in a while. Whether they're actually good or not, you love them every time anyway.

Just as flirty as you are, if not even more. She wasn't sure if you were comfortable with her teasing you in public at first, which is why she always hesitated to do so. The first time you were the one to take the initiative, however, she immediately caught the opportunity and reciprocated your light hearted provocations.

The gang thinks the two of you have no shame and you even got called "show offs" because of this "tendency" you both share.

[x-other-souled-x]

I saw something recently about the distinction between fictives and being fictionkin, and one of the things was like "fictives usually feel like they're plucked out of whatever media and suddenly in a strange world" (or something like that) and it had me thinking...

None of the members in our system who we consider fictives have had that expereince, they'd been sort of "fragments" of personalities who eventually found a character they liked and latched on to in order to justify their existence (for lack of a better way to describe it, since it's still something we're working on trying to understand ourselves lol,) meaning that all of our fictives have a sort of self awareness that, although they do beleive themselves to be that character, there is understanding that it is just a blueprint for them and they don't have the expereince of being plucked right out of their source with all the implications that has...

Although many of our fictives have psuedo-memories, it's more like a D&D backstory or a mythology of sorts, you don't enact it happening but it exists to give context to personality traits and behaviours and whatnot... they do have some impact since the purpose of the psuedo-memories is of course its impact on the individual, but the backstory is also partly malleable, and if something in it is changed it is reflected on the "blueprint" as well...

So like, say you had uhhh... damn I don't know anything abt undertale I usually use sans as a stand in for these examples but I realized I don't know his backstory lol... uhhh... I try to not involve anything we're currently into but idk...

Michael Afton, ok, and one of the big reasons he would end up being chosen as a blueprint is the way he deals with the guilt of killing his brother unintentionally, so that would be an unchangeable part of the backstory, but if later down the line the Michael in the system might go "hey I don't like that I'm the oldest child" he might decide that in his backstory Elizabeth was the oldest child, and that could have drastic changes in the backstory but wouldn't change the main idea of the guilt cope... does that make sense?

I know that identities and terminology has some wiggle room, but I don't know if we're able to keep calling a member a fictive if they are aware they weren't just plucked out of their source media, but it also feels not right to call them fictionkin either, so I'm not really sure what that could be called, and I know most likely the answer is "just call them fictives, who cares"

Idk it's just something I was thinking about since reading that post, and we kinda always had that in the back of our heads that we don't really fit in anywhere, that we're aware our memories are made up for the sake of our narrative and our place in the system, that we don't really feel like we relate to so many posts other fictives or fictionkin make...

[whoneedssexed]

Hi. I need advice. My bf has depression and while it hasn't been terrible while we have been dating , recently he seems more distant and has mentioned he feels stuck in life, he's constantly unsure now which is very not him and keeps quiet and says "I dont know" alot. We and his friends think his depression is slowly coming back, because obviously it doesn't go away. I dont know how to help, because I do feel like its putting a strain on our relationship, we're currently doing long distance due to work so we arnt able to have our similar routine. His communication skills are not the best, we have small arguments frequently mainly due to his lack of interest on the conversation or his small outbursts. Which at the time I didnt put two and two together but now it kinda make sense. I feel like he has become distant and dont seem engaged at all when we have little time to talk. While I feel for him, im getting frustrated because our fight seem to be the same pattern, of him not being able to communicate properly. I've expressed this before as this is all we have at the moment and he seems to understand but doesn't seem to make much effort of trying. I do think the distance has affected this and he doesn't seem to realize, he a very actions person and he has expressed that he feels useless bc he can't do much for me while I'm away. Were so well together in person but lately we seem like a completely different couple . I'm not sure what to do, I think I want to give him some space , which makes me a bit sad bc we hardly have much time to chat. I ask him if he needs alone time ,etc but he can't seem to answer me with a direct answer. During our relationship his depression hasn't been bad , its been maybe mild but nothing to this effect, it's never caused a shift in our relationship but this time it feels different. So im.not sure how to go about this. Any advice would help, I do love him and want our relationship to grow but the past couple of months it seems more draining and mentally exhausting.

I know this is a very, very late response, but when things get like this for depressed people, it can be a red flag for potential suicidal ideation.

That said, being depressed can also cause a lot of brain fog, which makes people indecisive, dissociative, unable to think to the future, etc. This happens because of how exhausting and draining depression can be, especially in a world that demands you always be doing something, anything, at every moment. People with depression are extremely susceptible to burnout.

He could need a change in medication/treatment, or a change in environment, or a change in his support systems. Or sometimes, it's just a temporary rut in life. Doing more positive and/or relaxing things can also help, such as colouring in books, going to a movie, starting a new series, visiting an animal sanctuary, going on a hike, going to an amusement park, etc. Things that don't require a lot of effort and can be simply enjoyed, depending on social tolerances (ex: a museum could be a bad idea because there's too many people and it overwhelms).

There's also the fact that the strain on your relationship could be the cause of the depression and not the other way around. Which is to say, because you guys aren't in your usual routines and aren't able to experience each other often, his depression is returning. A lot of depressed people rely on routine and partner support to supplement their treatments. Breaking routine in particular can leave someone feeling lost, hopeless, confused, stuck, and so on. Plenty of people need routine to feel purpose and direction in their lives.

Depression can cause more arguing because it can deplete one's ability to tolerate others. Again, this is because of how draining depression is, which leaves someone with significantly less spoons and overwhelmed easily. Shutting down is a natural defense mechanism and presents itself as aloofness, sudden bouts of anger, disinterest in anything, inability to conversate, and so on. There can be different ways to treat these individual symptoms which can improve the overall depression.

If he seems to struggle still with communication or explaining what he wants and thinks, have him start keeping a journal or notebook where he writes everything he is feeling, or even draws pictures. Have him jot down any time his mood dips and what happened at the time it did, and maybe he can find triggers for what's going on with him.

But, it is fair to be frustrated. You have your own feelings and likely own problems as well and for the support YOU needed to be taken away is absolutely a frustrating thing. It's a good idea for you to find other support in this trying time to maybe take the pressure off of him.

If you haven't already, I would communicate to him exactly how you're feeling, and that you want to help but you don't know what to do. Ask him what he needs most right now - a distraction? a discussion? a solution? - and follow through. If he can't decide about it, emphasize you're there for when he knows. Additionally, explain to him that there's always gonna be sometimes when you two can't be in person and that he can't fix everything every time, and that you don't expect him to.

Here are some resources for both of you:

Getting Out of a Funk: How to Help Yourself Through Depression

Tips for managing depression in relationships

Babylon: How Depression Can Affect Relationships

Self-care Wellness Toolkit

Worksheet for depression coping skills

How to talk to someone who has depression

How and Why to Practice Self-Care

How can I communicate with someone with depression?

Depression in relationships

How to Tell Someone You're Depressed

Helping Someone with Depression

The Impact Your Mental Health Can Have on Communication

PsychCentral: 10 Self Care Tips for When You Have Depression

Anna Freud: Self Care

What Not to Say or Do to Someone Who Has Depression

Coping with Depression

How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Depression

How Depression Affects My Ability to Communicate

Psychology Today: Why Self Care is Hard for Depressed Individuals

The Royal Australian & New Zealand College of Psychiatrists: Self-care for depression

6 Powerful and Effective Ways to Communicate Better in Relationships

5 Signs that Depression is Eroding Your Relationship

How to Talk about Depression with Family and Friends

Tips On Communicating With Those Who Have Depression

6 Dos and Don'ts for Supporting Someone Who Has Depression

22 Ways to Cope with Your Depression

NIH: Caring For Your Mental Health

Depression Self Help Guide

Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques to Help with Depression Symptoms

Healthy Coping Skills for Depression, Anxiety, and Anger

Clear Minds Center: Tips for Communicating with Someone Who is Depressed

How Depression Effects Relationships and What You Can Do

What to Know About Dating Someone With Depression

Relationships and Communication

How to use mindfulness for depression

Depression in Relationships: When to Say Goodbye

-Mod BP

[chronicler-of-narrative]

*Insert obvious flashing spoiler warning for Edgerunners*

Ok, its only been like less than a month since i finished Edgrunners and I have not had the chance to play the game and only know things about it from a couple youtube videos and cultural osmosis so...Im gonna tell you my theory (thats definitely not just my hidden copium) and *how* David survived the ending of Edgerunners and why I think the story of the anime isn't done.

Disclaimer: this was written late at night and while tired. So take my assessment with a grain of salt and be sure to correct me in the notes

Ill start off by mentioning a pattern ive noticed that may be completely wrong but may also be invaluable to understanding the storytelling of Edgerunners and probably Cyberpunk as a whole: Death as an ending.

Now, that is a very obvious storytelling trope. Character finished their arc? Kill them, and all that. But imo death in Cyberpunk IS the end of a characters arc. David's mom dies moments after completely explaining her hopes for David? End of her arc because it serves to set a baseline, a goal David had pushed onto him that then serves as a payoff later on the series. Same applies to the gang, and while my memories of the middle few episodes are admittedly fuzzy, it is my belief that they all died in some way befitting their character: For example Rebecca and Pillar, characters who are very obviously crazy and to some exend hedonistic, don't die in some glamorous way, but rather are both killed by one, violent and most importantly empty action. A complete rejection of their flair, an anticlimactic end. The point im trying to make here is that death, in Cyberpunk, is played off as a subversion of ones goals but simultaneously as a fulfilment of their arc/purpose.

Now David's death seemingly fills that niche, right? In one way or another, he fulfilled the expectations set on him by everyone around him and himself. He saved Lucy, made it to the top of Arasaka Tower, right? And yet, curiously, to borrow a detail spotted by a probably fairly well known theory video on the idea that David did survive, but we never get to see David die. We see him being aimed at by Smasher in a moment reminscent of the first shot with the washing machine, and then we get a bloody transition. We dont see his corpse. Now, even if i personally do subscribe to this theory, i wanna mention the parallel that caught my eye during the scene: Why exactly is it, and frankly why do we even start, with the washing machine? I feel like the answer is fairly simple, actually: It shows us how David is bent to wills of the corporations. From being denied his clean uniform by the washing machine to getting stared down by Arasaka's most prized asset, he starts and ends in submission to the corporate rule of Night City. Now, if I may stretch this out even further, what if in a way, his death represents the washing cycle of his uniform?

Now, this sounds batshit insane, and it probably is, but hear me out. What if the reason its a washing machine is because it shows the beginning of David's cycle of being 'cleaned' into a corpo, the one that ends up interrupted by the lack of funds. And what if, despite how he apparently dies, that shot might be representing his cycle being...complete?

So, to kinda cut down on all of this yapping, let me make my main thesis clear: the protagonist of Cyberpunk Edgerunners did die, but it was not David Martinez that died, but rather, *David*.

What I mean by this is what if his death was real...But metaphorical? What if he didn't die physically, but the part of him that opposed Arasaka, the punk that didn't fit into the academy, died?

Now, at the end of the series, Adam Smasher is alive and well, and yet in 2077, we kill him. Now, I don't know the context on his dynamic with V and how narratively his death happens, but I do known hes dead. This to me, creates a vacuum. A vacuum that, a game with a clear message about the futility of trying to change the rule of the corpos, should logistically be filled right? And while yes, I am suggest David will take Adam Smashers place, I do wanna explain why it happens.

Now, one thing about David is that he's special. Its a very reccuring motif im the entire show, and one that seemingly doesnt go anywhere since he ends up getting destroyed by the even more special Smasher. But what if, hear me out, that idea of being special had a different use: What if it is used as a framing device (especially given David and Ripperdoc have a conversation ABOUT Smasher) that means to frame David as being similar to Smasher. As being his equal in specialness. What if thats the whole reason its not Max-Tak that ends up killing the cyberpsychosis afflicted David, but Smasher. A sort of "you and me are not so different" moment that supposedly shows Smasher triumphing over David. Now, it could just be that David was enough of a threat to Arasaka that called in the big guns, but then again, if he was, why would Smasher wipe the floor with him? If David was as much of a problem as he's made out to be, wouldn't he be able to hold his own against Smasher, even for a little bit? But no, Smasher demolishes him, completely and utterly. And thus I believe this was all Arasakas plan. To see how suitable of a replacement David is for Smasher. And the reason we only hear whispers of David in 2077? Because hes locked away in some Arasaka facility, being worked on to surpass Smasher and potentially even become a threat to V, considering they seemingly have no issue with killing this supposedly super strong cyborg.

So yea, Tldr: David only died metaphorically, he could potentially come back as a Smasher 2.0 in a sequel to either the game or the anime.

If i got this all completely wrong, do not hesistate to roast me in the notes. If I think of any additions the next time im online, ill make sure to add it as a reblog.

[wheeboo]

new ask from : dizzy anon ! xe says...

i was!! supposed to add in the idea alongside the original ask but i thought it'd be a little much, so i decided to just send that in instead. while i have the text copied on my laptop, i still remember it in my head. so here it is!!

ironically for the hanahaki mingyu fic, this one has flowers involved as well. but thankfully no sickness! i'd been seeing a few good omens stuff and it's only faintly inspired.

sins and virtues. yn as envy and mingyu as kindness. yn probably lived a life of jealousy of people's appearances, very very unsatisfied with themselves. they had always wished to change into something people would love to look at, but never truly achieved it. mingyu had a heart of gold and the softest of smiles that could make anybody melt, but some people took his kindness for granted sometimes; gave him nothing when he did everything. and in death, they were chosen to be the very things that lead to their downfall in life; envy and kindness respectively.

with that out of the way (over-explaining has apparently helped people understand me more so i hope it does its job rn huhu), inspired by something a friend and i's oc ship does in their own version of this au- what if yn likes to try and satisfy themselves just a little bit, flatter themselves and all that, by ordering flowers for themselves? even a place with a bunch of demons probably has a good flower shop. they place it on a date far enough that they'll forget about it, and when they receive it, it's just. "oooooh, for me? of course it's for me hahahah" nagco-cope lang si pre, omsim HAHAHAHA

and then mingyu takes notice of this,,, i mean. who wouldn't, because yn's room had started to fill up with bouquets of the same flowers every two weeks or so. he sorta picks up on why, and one day decides to be the one to give them flowers,,,, like imagine that. holy shit. this doesn't even need to be romance, just somebody who wants to make somebody smile somehow. i'm so upset abt this im so down bad for stuff like this lowkeyyyy????

; 💫

i mean to answer this the other day after reading thru it but kinda forgot dsfds;lksfd';; but!!! can i just say how i was like WOWED reading this it sounds genuinely truly interesting n something i would definitely read or even write?? like i love the contrasting symbols of sins and virtues and how it was basically their purpose in life perse?? poor mingyu tho he def does not deserve to be treated that way ugh 😭 yet the whole idea of mingyu discovering the reason why yn has been doing this/treating themselves like this because of envy n jealousy (and that its basically an inevitable feeling) is just ang sobrang cute lang,, can imagine all the kilig feelings in this because all mingyu wants is make yn smile n make them feel better abt themselves :((. its like such a simple concept w beautiful symbolism!! i love your mind po omg <3

[bbgmessi]

O!Erling and A! Odegaard enjoying a lazy Saturday Morning:

Martin is frustrated after yesterday's game and feels like he failed his team despite his trying his best. Man City is quickly climbing the ladder behind Arsenal, and Erling(though elated) is understanding of his boyfriend's feelings

He gets up early and makes him a breakfast in bed with all his fav things.

(IDK much about Norwegian food Lefse was very good but I have the weirdest food preferences so you help me w what you think Martin would like but whatever it is Erling makes it)

(do swedish ppl and norwegian ppl eat similar food? Sorry for the proximity bias lol)

Martin is upset at first waking up alone

But he hears his man in the kitchen and calms himself down

I headcannon Erling doesn’t like breakfast food so maybe he makes himself a mini pizza

Erling’s hatred of breakfast would always make martin laugh bc its very out of character for him

Erling bringing up the food 

They are silent until theyre half way done w their meal

Alot to unpack

Some media sources contributing their shit performance due to his “distraction” aka his relationship w Erling

A LOAD of online hate from supporters and opponents

Fans worried Erling is tryng to sabotage him mentally so Arsenal fumbles the league

Opponents just saying this is what happens when you sleep w S*ts 

Live love twitter trolls you know. 

Erling reaffirms that he was the heart of the game and that he did his best 

Real fans still love him and if he wants to do better he needs to keep his head up

Martin in turn checking on haaland bc of the missed pk

Erling’s dm’s always weird b/c 50% normal hate 

Like ppl saying hes a machine and he ran out of oil and thats why he missed the shot (Completely igoring his other goal)

Others saying its an example of omegas craking underpressure

Hyperanlysing the kick and saying its indicative of a bad future 

Despite the fact that its like the only goal he’s missed????

Twats

Some fans want an end to their relationship bc it stresses THEM out as if Erling’s personal life is their business

The Erling are Marting are in love and trolls wont change that 

 Martin is very appreciative of his boyfriend’s gesture  and he show it.

The two usually have such strict schedules but for now they’ll relax with their food and a harry potter marathon (I see them adopting a yellow lab so perhaps their dog is in bed watching with them.

ok before answering the hcs i’m so fascinated by u anon when did u try lefse ❤️ we do eat some similar food but not all but also i like to hand wave around it and claim scandinavian privilege for fic purposes❤️ (sometimes i just make up what fits my ideas best. it’s my universe now)

martin knowing disappointment so well, he’s lost enough games with norway, spent enough time loaned out from rm and all that so arsenal kinda choking is such a dark but familiar feeling for him 😔 so erling tries his hardest to help him relax by making breakfast for him… it’d be so funny if erling was like hey babe did you see what they’re saying about us. and martin is all. you shouldn’t read that you know but erling just finds it funny how much people hate him so he’ll read out loud from his phone about how people think he has an evil master plan to destroy martins psyche so city can come out on top (as if i’d do that to team norway.. fuck up our team dynamic forever just for that… he sighs)

also about the penalty kick.. that was like the first one he’s missed in what two years??? but people are tearing him DOWN over it, and martin can sense that he doesn’t really find it that funny anymore. maybe it’s getting to him a little:(( like erling is not even twenty three and he’s trying and working SO hard and martin makes sure he knows that it’s appreciated but trolls online are SO harsh. they both just need a pick me up lol

[earth2068]

hey so if i'm remembering correctly you said once on the discord that e2068 was originally a homestuck fansession idea- if you don't mind what were the characters' classpects and were they derse or prospit dreamers before this became... not a homestuck?

ok before i answer this question im gonna need everyone to abandon any concept of cringe culture still lingering in their hearts. find the part of you that says "homestuck is cringe" and just turn it off for the next 10 minutes. done? alright.

so yeah as ive admitted before on discord, the cast of earth 2068 originated from a homestuck fansession* i developed when i was a kid, first when i was 9 then reworked when i was 12. im specifying my age at the time so you understand how deep-rooted this is.

*a fansession is when you write a story in which ur ocs play the game that the plot of homestuck revolves around. its pretty fun! you develop the kind of planet theyd have, their classpects, etc, good character building exercise imo

the pre-scratch** session was composed of the 5 ARACHNID members, flynn, vermillion, violet, lucille and viridian (screw homestuck naming conventions theyre stupid), with the post-scratch** session having leon, phil, jordan, and two characters who would eventually be combined with each other when i wasnt looking to become daniya.

**dont ask what a scratch is, it basically means everyones parents get to be teenagers and play the game in a different timeline.

every session ive seen written has an even number of players, so theyd be evenly divided between derse and prospit***. i, however, had five players in each session, so either one kingdom would have more players than the other, or i had to contrive some alternative. i ended up developing a third moon kingdom for the odd player out called vidium that was teal and kinda depressing. i BROKE homestuck rules for my Original Moon Kingdom Do Not Steal.

***depending on a characters personality they would wake up on one of two magical moon kingdoms when they go to sleep, either the purple and spooky derse, or the gold and fun prospit

i actually, on occasion, write an earth 2068 au in a series of google docs in which the characters get to play the session i planned for them all those years ago, which is entirely self-indulgent and only something i work on when im tremendously bored. i dont think ill be sharing it but if i do it will only be when people stop making fun of me for liking a webcomic when i was 9 years old

and now, what youve all been waiting for, the classpects of each character- under the cut bc Long

preface: these have changed a lot since i was 9. ill be giving the current classpects ive assigned them, the same ones i use for the session i write currently when im bored. ill let you know which ones have stayed the same.

ALSO- no one who analyzes classpects agrees what each class means, because very few of them were confirmed in canon! these are all dependent on my personal interpretations, which i believe are backed by canon, but people will disagree with me on a few of these and thats ok. just please shut up about it.

FLYNN - rogue of time; prospit dreamer ("but time players are always on derse-" shut up! <3). time is the aspect of, you know, time, as well as other things, mainly death, destruction and entropy. a rogue is a passive(+) class- one who steals their aspect or steals WITH their aspect, strictly for the benefit of others. so flynn is one who steals time, or steals with time. in the very first chapter, flynn steals exotic matter, a substance specifically used for the purpose of time travel, and gives it to vermillion, the one who needs it. his role in the "operation" hinges on being able to sway the timeline to save ten billion lives- stealing time (death/destruction) with time (time travel). and on a fundamental level, flynn is a person who will always, no matter what, protect the people who need protecting from those who would harm them.

VERMILLION - mage of mind; derse dreamer. mind is the aspect of decisions and their consequences; the general concept of causality. a mage is an active(-) class, one who is gifted/inflicted with knowledge of their aspect, and due to the type of person they are, keeps that knowledge to themselves, to carry that burden so no one else has to. so a mage of mind is someone with a great understanding of causality- being the one plotting an operation to save the world via time travel requires the ability to predict the decisions other people will make, and the consequences theyll have, and this is a skill we see vermillion utilize a lot in the story (mostly in parts we havent gotten to). theyre the one who comes up with the plan, who decides what everyone else will be doing, and how that will help them, without needing to explain themselves. theyre a leader, but a difficult one, who doesnt intend on seeking feedback. verms main problem is how their emotions and insecurity in their sense of self cloud their judgement, and with heart being the aspect of emotion and the self and the antithesis to the mind aspect, it makes sense that a mind players biggest problem would be their heart.

LEON - knight of hope; prospit dreamer. hope is the aspect of positive emotion, as well as optimism and belief. in the right hands, its one of the strongest aspects. a knight is an active(-) class, one who equips themselves with their aspect in order to weaponize it. on two separate occasions, weve seen leon experience extreme anxiety or anger before immediately covering it up to appease phil; he throws up a mask to protect himself and the people he loves. this is weaponizing hope, equipping himself with his ability to see the best in a situation, and put on a happy face to keep things stable. hes a theatre major, and puts those acting skills to use whenever he can. its easy to see this as an unhealthy classpect, and it sort of is, but its real strength comes from how leon is at his most powerful, most influential, when hes guided by his love for other people, and his belief in his own ability. this is one of the few classpects that has stayed the same since leons creation!

PHIL - thief of heart; derse dreamer. as i mentioned earlier, heart is the aspect of emotions and the self. meanwhile, a thief is the active(-) counterpart to the rogue, so while the rogue steals for the sake of others, the thief steals for the sake of themselves. in multiple ways, phil steals facets of other peoples identities and emotions for himself- he steals data from peoples devices, he forces leon to kiss him (stealing leons autonomy, not allowing him to express his feelings on the matter beforehand, to enforce his own desires and emotions), he creates a dynamic with leon where he cant express what hes truly wanting or feeling, he [CHAPTER 4 SPOILERS], [CHAPTER 6 SPOILERS], etc. phils emotions and identity are such powerful forces that those of others get trampled over, stolen for himself. this doesnt make him ontologically evil, its possible that he could use this for good, if only he could just point his black hole of a personality in the right direction, and learn to turn down his ego most of the time.

JORDAN - heir of space; vidium dreamer (odd player out). space is the antithesis to time. its the aspect of, you know, space, the physical universe and its spacial dimensions, but also of creation. the heir is passive(+), and a bit of a complicated class, that boils down to inviting change in their aspect, or inviting change THROUGH their aspect. as an heir of space, jordan invites change in or through creation. theyre a creator, a roboticist, but also a collaborator with phil, so her influence isnt as direct. they thrive in a guiding position, where she doesnt have unilateral control, but has power in their ideas and words. jordan is a very good leader in a creative setting who has yet to realize this about herself.

LUCILLE - witch of light; prospit dreamer ("lucille cant be a light player she doesnt talk a lot-" shut up! <3). lucilles classpect manifests mostly in her position as the "girl in the chair." shes a witch, the active(-) counterpart to the heir, which has the ability to directly change their aspect, or bring change through it. light is the aspect of knowledge/information, fortune, and "the spotlight," and in her position in the team, lucille manages the information passed between the team, and can change who knows what with a single click. her classpect makes her someone who changes light, or brings change through it. for example, she turned fortune in the chapter 2 pleapods fight in flynns favor by imparting Gun Knowledge onto him. shes a person who helps mainly by knowing who needs to have what information. also, this is the second of the classpects that have stayed the same!

VIOLET - maid of blood; derse dreamer. blood is the aspect of bonds, friendships, ties, etc. a maid is an active(-) class, which focuses on creating and maintaining their aspect ("thats not what i think a maid is-" shuuuuut uuuuuuuup! <3). so a maid of blood is someone who creates and maintains bonds between people. this is pretty spot on for violet! we see more of this with her character later, but within the group, she has the most emotional intelligence, and is very good at resolving tension within the group and dealing with interpersonal issues. and between her and viridian, who do you think was responsible for befriending vermillion, thus creating the friend group? violet is the glue that keeps the team together.

VIRIDIAN - page of void; vidium dreamer (odd player out). void is the most fascinating aspect to me- its the antithesis to light, and is the aspect of nothingness, of secrets, uncertainty, the unknown, and irrelevance. also pumpkins. and pages are the passive(+) counterpart to the knight, so the knight equips themselves with their aspect to weaponize it, and the page equips others with their aspect. pages are by far the weakest class initially, but after a long journey of self-discovery, can unlock the greatest potential within themselves, surpassing every other class in sheer power. viridian is a confusing person that few can truly understand. he knows who he is, and is very sure of himself, but others, not so much. he has this way of barely reacting to anything that makes everything around him seem insignificant. he even specializes in quantum mechanics, a field of science literally built around not being able to know things. his greatest strength is this bubble of void surrounding him, but never swallowing him. he equips everything around him with void, but barely ever has it himself

[crescairis]

hi, i genuinely don't understand how a lesbian person can be attracted to men? like i really don't get "pan lesbian"/"bi lesbian"/etc... im an AFAB, transmasc NB lesbian myself but i am, for all intents and purposes, exclusively attracted to women.

i thought the term "lesbian" meant "any non-man exclusively attracted to women/fem-aligned people"

please explain? this is not hate or anything, this is a genuine question!

hi there! thanks for your good faith questions! :] this is gonna be a long one, so buckle up

the simple answer is that queer identity is never as simple as A + B = C. people can be multigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, Literally Just Butch, etc... it puts a wrench in very simple descriptions like that. there's gotta be some wiggle room for labels to work—and even then, it's entirely against the idea of queer liberation to let anyone but yourself define your connection to a label. as the saying goes, "not gay as in happy, but queer as in fuck you". (not directed at you, ofc :) /lh)

plus, the "non-men" definition kinda...inherently misgenders people who aren't men but aren't lesbians either. i know people who aren't men and would frankly bite anyone who tried to call them a lesbian for the sole sake of them liking women. a label based on exclusion is always going to run into road bumps like that.

but, if you want a more historical answer...

basically, the definition of lesbian has changed a lot over time. for a while in the 20th century, lesbian basically just meant "woman attracted to women", or even just "women who sleeps with women", regardless of how they felt about men.

the idea of lesbianism inherently not including men only really came around with the advent of lesbian separatism in the 1970s:

"In essence, lesbian feminists tried to untie lesbianism from sex so heterosexual feminists were more comfortable. ... Lesbian feminists responded by distancing themselves from stereotypes of “masculine roles,” maleness, and patriarchy. One way they were able to do so was by disentangling lesbian sexuality from heterosexuality and re-conceptualizing heterosexual sex as consorting with “the enemy”. ... They were then able to draw a distinction between lesbian sex and heterosexual sex, claiming that lesbian sex was “pure as snow” since it did not involve men." —Yamissette Westerband, "Lesbians in the Twentieth Century, 1900-1999"

this was coupled together with political lesbianism, and putting this all together, you got a doctrine that followed as such:

lesbianism was a conscious, feminist, and correct choice. (political lesbianism)

any relations with men were considered traitorship towards women and compliance with the patriarchy. (lesbian separatism)

this meant that bisexual women were considered traitors to their sisters. (biphobia babey!!)

this, at its core, was the belief of radical feminists—and it certainly wasn't something that was met with full agreement. while there were many lesbians who scorned any physicality with men, there were just as many lesbians who refused the idea that to be a lesbian, one must completely remove men from their lives.

there are accounts of bisexual women who saw their lesbian identity as a political stance alongside their bisexuality, or even the other way around. [there's a few here!] the phrase "lesbian-identified bisexual" comes up a lot in the literature spanning from the 1970s-1990s.

here's a couple select quotes from the page i linked:

"[Betty Aubut]: ... I never used to identify as lesbian out of respect for women who made the lifelong choice never to sleep with men, but then I realized that was a lot of bullshit. Calling yourself lesbian does not necessarily mean you have made that lifelong decision. Now I mostly identify as a lesbian–so I call myself a bisexual lesbian." —Robyn Ochs, “Bi of the Month: Betty Aubut,�� Bi Women Vol. 5, No. 2, April-May, 1987]

"10 years ago when I left my husband and full-time role of motherhood, it didn’t make me less conscious of what being a mother means. In fact, it gave me a deeper understanding. I am still a mother. That experience cannot be taken away from me. In much the same way, my lesbian awareness isn’t lost now that I claim my bisexuality. When I realized my woman-loving-woman feelings, and came out as a lesbian, I had no heterosexual privilege; yet there were important males in my life, including a son. I am bisexual because it’s real for me, not in order to acquire or flaunt the privilege that is inherent in being with men. My political consciousness is lesbian but my lifestyle is bisexual. If I keep myself quiet for another’s sense of pride and liberation, it is at the cost of my own which isn’t healthy–emotionally, politically or medically. Not only is it unhealthy, it’s ineffective." —Lani Kaahumanu, “Bisexuality & Discrimination,” BBWN Vol. 3, No. 6, Dec 1985-Jan 1986; Reprinted from the 1985 Gay Pride March magazine, San Francisco

regardless of what anyone thought, this was still an opinion that stretched forward into the modern day, though it feels that a lot of exclusionists have all but forgotten it was the belief of radical feminists—or even accepted it, becoming modern radfems all on their own.

there's actually a huge radfem population on tumblr, and has been since tumblr's inception—and that's a big part of why this belief system was able to push its way into the wider queer community. with such a lack of queer elders coming out of the AIDs crisis, queer teens on the web didn't really have very many ways to learn about queer history—especially with bigoted parents around, leaning over their shoulders.

thus, radfems were given a perfect opportunity to deliver their verdict, and these queer teens just...didn't know better. i'd go so far as to say that i've seen radfems and exclusionists alike scorn their queer predecessors, claiming that, in nicer words, "being older doesn't mean you're right". it sucks a lot.

in general, a lot of the hatred comes down to the views of radical feminists. that men and masculinity are inherently evil, that to have relationships with men is a betrayal to one's sisters...when really, there's a lot of men who don't benefit from the patriarchy at all. if the patriarchy were some magical force that protected all men, we wouldn't get cishet men being called f or t slurs for showing emotion. men wouldn't be constantly doubted every time they admitted that they'd faced abuse from women.

instead, the patriarchy only rewards complete compliance and gender essentialism. to be viewed as a good man under the patriarchy, there can't be a whiff of femininity on you. likewise, to be a good woman, you can't be masculine in the slightest. (this is a big part of why things such as stay at home husbands and working wives are seen as such a "horrific" phenomenon. it's also the basis of—you guessed it—homophobia!)

it doesn't just tie into gender; in fact, it's very much tied to white supremacy as well. to quote gerald torres, in his book "Understanding Patriarchy As an Expression of Whiteness: Insights from the Chicana Movement" (which i highly suggest you read, as i can only say so much on the subject, being white myself):

"Whiteness has a gender. The history of American racial thought held that to be white was to possess certain superior characteristics that on closer inspection turned out to be as gendered as they were racial. Though the content of the construction of race and gender changed over time, the gendered nature of whiteness, and of race in general, remained constant. Whether attempting to claim white privilege for themselves or positioning themselves in opposition to that privilege, America’s racial and ethnic minorities have historically defined and redefined themselves in relation to the core characteristics of whiteness. To be white was to be civilized, rational, moral and in command of one’s emotions. Of course, these are also gendered characteristics. The absence of these characteristics was stereotyped as definitive of lesser races, and was sometimes even characterized as such by the occupants of those classes."

to double back to radical feminism, this actually also ties into a lot of queer issues that people feel much less vicious about; transmascs are seen as traitors by radfems as well, abandoning their womanhood to join "the side of the oppressors", or even that, by being men, they automatically have all of the same privileges that cishet men do, completely ignoring the fact that a LOT of transmascs don't ever get to access the male privilege that radfems believe they have by nature of being men. (gnc transmascs, those who don't or can't pass, etc)

the same goes for the trend of mlm positivity posts being hijacked by women who feel the need to complain about how "ugly" and "gross" men are, or that people with male partners should "dump them and get a girlfriend instead".

this lateral attack on queer people all comes down to the idea that "it's okay because men are the ultimate oppressors", yet another idea that both benefits radfems by implying that, because they're women, they're the ultimate oppressed party, while also ignoring the fact that, by nature of many of them being white, or cis, or dyadic, or allo, they still have power over those who are people of color, or trans, or intersex, or aspec.

all in all, this isn't to say that you have to like men as a lesbian. you don't! you yourself can define your lesbianism as completely absent of men, and no one can stop you from doing that. in fact, i would defend your right to do that just as much as i defend bi lesbians.

the problem is when people try to define everyone's lesbianism by their own personal definition, and/or they decide that to like men as a lesbian (or at all) is some irrevocable sin. it's ahistorical, it enforces gold star lesbianism, which is already a lesbophobic concept, and it completely contradicts the idea of queer liberation and autonomy.

and to any radfems and exclus who decide they're gonna send me some mean messages after reading this: hi <3 anon is off. show me your pretty urls so i can block you.

[youn9racha]

I Know (Part II)

Pairing: Changbinxfem!reader

Genre: smut

Warning: mild stalking, stripping, phone sex???, mutual masturbation, semi-exhibitionism, a tiny bit of corruption kink, and an even tinier praise kink, switch!changbin, switch!reader

Words: 2.8k

Extra Notes: like I’ve mentioned in the last part, everyone is above the age of 21 (think senior year of college age), so thats that. I’ve also noticed that the lyric is not that related to the story, but oh well :’) anyways, hope you enjoy this

And baby, I know, I know whatever city you’re in, you’re still the boy that I’d pick…

PLEASE READ PART 1 FIRST BEFORE THIS !!

—————————————————————————————————

This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised.

—————————————————————————————————

Changbin’s calling me…

What in the world does he want to talk to me about in this ungodly hour? It wasn’t late, but it certainly wasn’t early enough for a call like this. I looked back at the window and I still see the curtains still closed, assuming he was out or maybe in another room. I answered and put the phone in my ear.

”Hello?”

“Hey, (y/n)! I just wanted to call to check up on you,” he said, “how are you?”

Damn, he only called for innocent intentions... Why is he so damn cute?! (y/n), you got two choices to respond back; you either respond give him a nice sweet response, or you give a sly yet friendly comeback. It can work—

“(y/n)?” The voice out of the phone took me out of my inner self’s debate.

“Yes! Yes! I am fine,” I said, embarrassed and mentally facepalming myself. This is not doing well, he already thinks I am a creep and a loser. Or maybe not, since its seems like I heard a faint chuckle and the word “cute,” followed by, but that could just be a figment of my imagination. “How are you?”

”Oh, I am good, just came back from hanging out with Chan and Han,“ changbin responded, there were shuffling in the background so he could be doing something while on the phone, but what is it? I wouldn’t know. I heard him and Chris mentioning a ‘Han’ in our conversation we had while preparing for my apartment, so that name is familiar, however the owner’s not. “You should meet him one day, I think you both will be good friends.”

”Woah there, you better take me to dinner first before I meet your friend,” I teased. Keep it going, (y/n), you’re on the right track, you’ve definitely caught him off guard, like you always do.

“Give me a place, time, and date, you’ll get that dinner, or maybe I’ll let Chris take you.” Changbin nonchalantly said, oozing confidence just by his voice. That bitch… Always makes it harder for me than it already is. As if he saw my blushing reaction, he began laughing.

“What’s wrong, princess? Cat’s got your tongue?” He said it in a low voice. Usually, I would gag if anyone—let alone a man—calls me princess, but with him, it felt different. It felt… arousing? No! No! (y/n), get a grip!

I rolled my eyes and laid on my back to be more comfortable, “What is it, Changbin?” I said, changing the subject, “What is that you wanted to call me at 10 p.m?” Yes, pretend like he didn’t just call you princess in the sexiest tone of voice you’ve ever heard. Totally would work.

”I told you, I just want to check up on you,“ he confessed but he also paused to say something further, “and also I am bored and I kinda felt like talking to you. I’m not wasting your time, aren’t I?” Although I couldn’t see him, he does however sound really sincere with his words. I don’t want to sound naive, but he sounded truthful.

“No,” I shook my head, “you really didn’t, besides I just got out the shower and was just scrolling through instagram.” I said, looking down in my nails.

”Oh, really?” He said, “were you going to sleep?”

”No, I stay on social media for a long period of time, I don’t sleep that easily“

”I see,” he said, but then he stopped talking. As the awkward silence has erupted between us, I started to think more about the first time I saw him and how I felt. While I thought it would be better for me to tell him later on and on person, but this balloon inside of me was getting bigger and bigger as guilt is inflating it. I sighed and started to speak, “Hey Changbin.”

”Yeah?”

“Can I confess you to something?”

”Tell me anything, doll, I’m all ears.”

Dammit! You’re not making it easier.

I bit my lips, “uhh,” I am glad he wasn’t looking at me, grimacing and slapping my head.

”You know hitting yourself isn’t gonna help,” as soon as Changbin uttered these words, my heart sank. My eyes widened as I got up and looked out window. His curtains were open, and it showcase a very, very pleasant show.

I see Changbin, sitting at the edge of his bed, facing me as his black shirt was fitting his form really well, especially with the semi-flexed arm that has his phone near his ears meanwhile the other arm was holding the elbow of the occupied arm. He was look at me straight at my eyes when we made eye contact, and fuck, was that an image to look at. As I looked like a deer going through a headlight, Changbin tilted his head in confusion, but he still had a smirk, “what is it you wanted to me?” he said through the phone.

”I-I“ I stuttered. At this point, I’ve lost all sense of dignity and my self thought, I am about to get called a creep by a good looking man I met not too long. Here goes nothing.

”I may have invaded your privacy,” I said, which caused Changbin to furrow his eyebrows in even more confusion, still having a slight smile to it. “What are you talking about?”

”Ugh, Changbin, I saw you half naked when apartment touring numerous times!” I yelled in frustration, as he kept pushing my button. I looked away, not bearing to look at him, as I closed my eyes out of guilt. “I understand if you don’t want to be friend, even though we met for only a week, but I just couldn’t bear the guilt that I—“

As I confessed, I heard a laugh coming put of the phone, I opened my eyes and looked at Changbin looking down, with shoulders shaking up and down. Now, I have the confused look that he had, “What’s funny?”

“Oh, princess, you have no idea,” He said, still looking down. Me still being bemused, he noticed my silence and looked up at my frowned face.

”I know…” He smirked, while my eyes were widened. Son of a bitch.

”W-wh-“

“I thought you knew that I’m doing all this on purpose, I’ve been trying to catch your attention every single way.” He leaned forward, placing both elbows in his knees, “I thought you were smart, only to be a gullible baby.” He whispered the last part, as I gulped at the last part. God damn, he’s so intense with his gaze. His eyes wandering all over me meanwhile maintaining a very dark yet exciting aura, which typically puts me off but now, I’ve never wanted to pounce a man so badly.

I smirked at him, the guilt I had had fizzled away, only to replace with arousal.

“So you’re not mad?” I looked at him, with innocent eyes, now laying on my side, facing him, as my robe slipped and exposed a part of my shoulder and the upper of my chest. He breathed in, as he was examining me, “no, why would I be mad at you?” He leaned back, as his head was thrown back, neck exposed, placing his free hand on the back of his neck.

God, is he so fine…

”I could never be mad at my precious baby.” He smiled a seductive smile at me, which made me riled up by rolling my eyes and looking up. “You like getting called that, don’t you?” He may have said it in a question form, but it didn’t feel like one, it was rather a statement than a question. “Hm,” I said, looking back at him, eyes half opened out of hunger for him.

We had an intense eye contact, where if it weren’t for the distant and the glass that is placed in front of us, we’d probably be all over each other.

”Has your hang out with Han and Chris worn you out?” I asked, decievingly innocent. Man, the power this man has over me is no joke. He scoffed, “so you’re just going to mention other men like that?”

Ignoring him, I got up, letting the towel that was loosely in my head fall onto my bed, and went closer to the window, “let me relieve you of your stress, if you don’t mind.” I shyly fidgeted on my robe belt. He looked at me up and down, licking his lips, “I wouldn’t mind, if you don’t as well.”

There’s nothing more sexier than mutual consent. (y/n), shut up, don’t ruin the moment.

I smiled and backed away from the window. I put my phone on speaker and put it on the side. I looked back at him, as I held onto my robe belt, he looked at me with a smile. I turned around with a slight sway on my hips, as I slowly undid my belt, slowly exposing my back at him, smiling as I heard a shuddering breath coming out of the phone.

As the robe completely fell off my body, being just in my underwear, exposing whatever secret flaws that has been hidden from the public. I silently gasp at the cool breeze as I held onto my chest, sensing my nipples getting hard. “Turn around for me, baby,” Changbin’s breathy voice echoed all over the room.

We may not be in the same room, and we maybe exposing ourselves to whoever is above and under us as well, but neither of us care. In our eyes, we only got each other, and we’re the only ones in existence.

I turned to him, letting go of my breasts and letting myself be bare, only to see him palming himself through his tight pants, groaning at his lack of full on skin-to-skin touch. It’s like he was waiting for me to tell him touch himself, which proved correct when he said, “please, let me touch myself.”

I smiled sympathetically, and also slightly astonishingly. I have never met a man with such switch like that. His dominating demeanor has faded and been replaced to a submissive cutie, which I obviously seem to admire very much. Pretending to thinking, I sat down, and looked at him, putting my hands behind me, “only if you give me a show too.”

I smirked at his state. He was disheveled, and adorned a beet tint all across his cheeks and nose. He looked beaten, but I loved it, and he does too. He put his phone on speaker too, quickly got up, and rapidly got his shirt.

“Ah ah!” I said, which caused him to freeze, looking at me, desparation was seeping through his eyes. Menacingly smiling, “slowly.”

Which he obeyed, surprisingly patient and sensual, I jokingly remarked that “he got dancer hips,” with the way he took off clothes while his hips moved in a way not many who can control their bodies can. He chuckle, “you should see how it works wonder,” his cocky attitude has made a comeback, which should piss me off but it made the whole thing hotter than it already is.

We’re both in our underwear, looking up at our eyes and looking down at each other’s half-nude bodies. Changbin wasn’t the tallest man I have ever met—not that it matters—, but he got many aspects that makes up for it, and its not just looks or personality. Just by the outline, I can tell that his little guy wasn’t little.

I propped myself with my elbows as I spread my legs, for him to see the wet spot that is stained in my underwear. He grunted at the sight, while I chuckle, “you like what you see?” I faux-innocently asked as I trailed my hand from my neck, making my head fall back, down to the valley of my chest, onto the waistband of my underwear.

“Fuck…” Changbin cursed, admiring the sight in front of him. He didn’t realize how lucky he was to see me in a state like this, not many have the privilege, especially not with men I met in a short amount of time.

I tugged my panties, took it off and exposed a part that he was dying to see, which caused him to gulp. He sighed with a smile, “god damn, (y/n),“ he shook his head in disbelie, “I’ve always thought you were gorgeous, but now I’m convinced you’re a goddess“

I giggle at his words, “and you, sir, are a demon disguised as a greek god” I teased back, tracing my two fingers around my lips, I noticed that he still was in his underwea. He still waited for my permission. How adorable.

”You can take off your underwear, Binnie” I didn’t even mean to give him the nickname, but I was too excited to even think straight. I looked at him, and saw him reveal his friend, and I gasped loudly, which made Changbin alert. “What? Whats wrong?”

”Nothing, its just,” I chuckle, “you have a nice dick.”

”Thank you,” He smirked as he sat down and looked at me, with full attention. I put my two fingers into my mouth, while maintaining eye contact. I then trailed my finger down to clit, which resulted in me letting out a blissful gasp. Meanwhile, Changbin was repositioning to a comfortable position as he began to touch himself, which caused him to let out a choked out groan.

”Binnie, as you touching yourself?” I half-whispered, but it was still loud enough for him hear along with my fingers movements that moved from my clit onto my slit, which made me moan.

”Ah-y-yes” Changbin groaned and nodded, as he was stroking his dick following the pace that I was going at.

After hearing Changbin’s groans, I began inserting my fingers at my slit, making me whimper in the process, “oh, fuck” I cursed, as I started to thrust my fingers in and out, noises coming out of my mouth along with the wetness of my pussy were getting louder, which excited Changbin, as his stroking was audible through the phone along with his beautiful groans.

“god, (y/n), if only I could touch you,” Changbin spoke through groans when he saw me fondling my breast and going faster. I was getting louder with my noises, in contrast of Changbin’s quite yet beautiful and audible noises. So much so, it sounds like Changbin was watching porn, rather than getting fucked at a distance.

“Ah-are-fuck-are you close?” Changbin asked through whines, his speech was getting difficult as he was getting closer to climax with his strokes going as fast as I was.

I nodded, out of struggle of speech, whining out, “Ah! Binnie!”

“Fuck, (y/n), I’m—“ Changbin grunted, as his strokes was started to get sloppy, he began to thrust onto his hands. I began to feel like something burning up in my stomach, moaning at the sensation, “Chang—I’m cummin— I’m cumming”

“Me too…” He choked on his words, as his groans and moans were also getting louder. Our phone voices combined was dirty but erotic, topped with the scene of two people masturbating to each other, now thats even a hotter view.

“Binnie!”

“Go ahead, baby... cum”

And just like that, I let out a squeal as I reached my peak, still playing with myself until I sensed an overstimulation. Not too long after, I was hearing a lot of grunt from the call and then I looked at Changbin, who ended up cumming onto his stomach, his chest raising up and down, letting himself catch his breath. Still out of breath, we both looked at each other, we both laughed at our fucked out state.

“Holy fuck, was that hot?” Changbin commented, taking the phone, putting it out of his speaker and back to his ear. I laughed at his sudden remark, nodding, “oh yeah, can’t wait to feel what you feel like,” I bit my lip.

”At least buy me dinner first,” He teased, referring to the remark I had at the time, which made me roll my eyes and him to chuckle. “You’re a dick,” I said.

”A big one, and a pretty one according to you,” He teased again. I started to jokingly groan at his words, causing him to laugh, “alright, alright, I’ll stop.”

I got up and picked the phone, looking at him, “I had fun, we should do this again,” him and I started exchanging a smile, this time it was more pure than the smiles we had earlier. He nodded, “for sure, but the next time is going to be in one of our beds, I really need to touch you.”

”The feeling is mutual.”

We began to talk a little more, until we both have felt that slumber was starting to sneak up onto our eyes. We both ultimately had to hang up, since we don’t want to raise our phone bills with our already long call. While facing away from the window, I couldn’t help but started admire Changbin in my head.

I typically hate men, but Changbin wasn’t just like any man.

He was Changbin, and I highly doubt that you’ll ever find a man like him.

[goth-girlfriend]

Just wondering and no pressure here! Are you ever gonna finish the Endeavor fic? Love ur works bby and stay safe out there! <3

Yes yes yes 😤😭 Anything for you sweetheart and especially anything for Enji. Take care of yourself ❤️❤️

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“What?” I yawned out loud to myself pushing myself up. My arm was sore from sleeping on it, I looked around and blinked at the light that had made itself known. I tried to push to sit up being held down by a familiar weight. I yawned again, before rolling over under Enji’s arm. I pressed my back against his warm side resting on my arm that wasn’t sore. I pulled his arm around my waist to feel like I was being held in place.

“Ah, security.” I sighed using his shoulder and bicep as a pillow, “Not soft at all.” I snuggled against the firm muscle until I heard a throaty chuckle. His chest shook lightly and I looked up at him he was awake. His eyes lidded from sleep still fighting against consciousness, I watched a faint smile pull at the corners of his lips, I couldn’t fight the most likely idiotic looking grin that surfaced. I laughed and shook my head as quietly as I could. I turned in his arm and hugged his chest. I watched as he moved his free arm behind his head, his bicep bulged at the unintentional flexing.

“Good morning.” I smiled and let my head fall against his shoulder while I looked up at him. It felt perfect, this moment. The morning sun filtered by the beige curtains lighting the room in gold with a few thin slits of white sunlight breaking through. The white duvet stopping at waist, open sleeping shirt, messy hair, pressed into his side sighing content. The rumble of the AC filling the silence, soft breathing, its perfect. In this moment, in this place, there is no history, there is no future, its us in this moment. With nothing to ruin the moment I sighed and closed my eyes feeling the faint heat of his rising chest.

“Good morning.” He finally answered, voice deeper than usual, I felt him shuffle, before I felt his lips pressed onto the top of my head. I felt my eyes flutter involuntary, and my heart swelling. I smiled closing my eyes enjoying the closeness, perfect, this is perfect.

“DDAAAAAAADD!!” I blinked a few times remembering where we were, I watched as he groaned rubbing his face with his hand and sitting up leaving me behind.

“Yes, Fuyumi?” He called starting to stand up doing a few basic stretches.

”Y/N IS GONE DID YOU HEAR ANYTHING THIS MORNING MAYBE SHE LEFT TO GET BREAKFAST?!” She screamed through the door, I watched the door handle jiggle, thanking God I locked it last night.

“Yes, I heard someone moving this morning. It could have been (L/N), why don’t you go look around down stairs, I need to shower and get ready.” He yawned before he stood popping his back.

“Mmm...” there was a pause and some shuffling.

I heard Sho’s faint voice “Fuyumi, look y/n sent me message this morning saying she was going to a nearby convinience store to buy some things she had forgotten. She’ll be back soon.” I sighed thanking God once again that I had told Shoto my password all those weeks ago.

“Alright, DON’T MIND DAD!” She screamed before I heard them walk away, Great, now how am I supposed to leave? I looked around, “Does that window open?” I asked pointing to the window in the room. “It‘s a balcony.” Enji pulled back the curtains revealing an pretty good sized balcony with fancy railing. I was wearing sleeping shorts and a long sleeve shirt with some socks, I‘ll fly down, and just walk back in... but I went to the store.... so I need to come back with something. “Can I have ten dollars?” I smiled sheepishly looking at Enji.“

He sighed before turning to the dresser and pulled out a bill out of his wallet. I grinned and thanked him, “I’ll be back in, five or ten minutes.” I shrugged and opened the Balcony window. Taking eagle form, I dived down into an alley way barrel rolling and lading back on human feet. I walked out and stopped outside a tourist shop. The shop owner was placing out a box of mini hero figures, the same figures from that night we patrolled. These were a new release with the change to get Gold or Silver All Might, Endeavour or Hawks. I got excited and rushed in, I “went to the store”, but I never said what for. the packs were on sale, 2 for $5.00. And lucky for me, I had managed to get a $50. Each box comes with 12 lucky bags each bag has 3 mini figures, there are only 10 Pro hero’s currently released in this line. I have a ten percent chance of getting Endeavour, All Might or Hawks, if you add the 6 new figures to the line thats 16 characters in total. Meaning there are three possible Endeavor, All Might and Hawks,,, But, the chances of getting a special edition, would be 2 of 16 which should be 12.5 out of 100. If I multiply by three that raises the chance 37.5 of 100. So out of all 36 Figures that means I have to at least get 1 limited edition Per box, bu counting in these are the first boxes to pull in customers, they overload the limited ones to make it look easy so people will be convinced to buy them because it’s “easy” to find a limited figure... meaning... “ill give you $50 even for both boxes.”

I turned to look at the cashier guy who seemed unimpressed but nodded, “I usually sell boxes for $30 dollars each but  I feel generous 25 each plus taxes.”

“How about $20 plus taxes.” I counter offered. He squinted at me before he made another offer, we went at this until we were back at my original offer. “Alright, this is my last offer,” he huffed and stared at me hard, “$50 dollars cash, no taxes, and IF you become a Pro Hero you do advertising free for my shop.”

I laughed and nodded, “Deal.” He packed the boxes and I paid him before we parted ways. By the time I made it back to the hotel Fuyumi rushed to me with a look of worry. “Where were yOU I WAS WORRIED?!” 

I smiled, “I was in the middle of a very serious conversation about some very serious things.” 

“A toy store, that bag says you were at a toy store.” Shoto said sounding very unimpressed.

I smiled and let out a sheepish laugh, “well...” I looked down and hid the bag behind me, “I never said I went to buy anything important.” 

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“Ow......ow.......nooooo stop.” I whined feeling one more tug at my hair and finally it fell down.

“There, we’re done.” Fuyumi fluffed my hair a bit before smoothing it out again, “Now lets go, before Natsuo starts causing a fuss.” She ushered me to move and I did leading our way to the elevator.

“Alright,“ I sighed slouching a little... “....Wanna see something cool?” I asked standing back up, Fuyumi cocked a brow by smiled a little, “Alright, I do actually.”

I dug into my pocket and pulled out a gold endeavor figure, “Boom, its your dad.“ I took her hand and placed it in her palm, “You can have that, I have another one.” I smiled when she let out a slight laugh. “Thank you, I’ll keep him with my keys.” We stood in a comfortable silence until the doors opened and we started to move out I asked, “Soooo, what are we doing after this award ceremony?” I asked tilting my head in curiosity.”

“I don’t know, she said he lips pulling to the side in a displeased way, “They didn’t let me plan out this trip so its a surprise for the both of us.” My only answer was to nod while I smiled down at the ground, “Sounds Fun.”

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”Aren’t those kids from UA?” The voices of photographers were loud with there questions as flashes went of left and right, “Why are they with Pro Hero Endeavor?” “I don’t know but these kids could pull in the views!”

“Todoroki! A question if you Will!” “Hey Midoriya Over here!” “L/N! Can you pose for a few photos!” “Todoroki look over here!” Midoriya whats it like to learn from Pro Hero All Might??” “L/N! L/N! Are you affiliated with Todoroki or Midoriya?”

As much as I love getting my photo taken, I knew sticking around for pictures and questions in this scenario is probably the last thing I should do. So instead I stayed close to Natsuo almost sandwiched between him and Fuyumi. I stayed betwen them as we kept moving, Sho and Deku were behind us not rushing, Sho seemed unaffected and Deku was looking down red faced and embarrassed. It was kinda cute. I looked back ahead watching Enji ignore everyone moving forward with purpose and carrying himself with pride. I smiled watching him I know not everyone can see him or respect him as the number one hero but, to me, He can be so much more if only people would give him a chance. I know he’s not the most kind person in public, but with the right sidekick or partner that could change easy. When Hawks was with him those brief days, his like ability actually raised. So I know all it takes is someone pushing him to be more interactive with his fans, he knows now there are some that like him, bit i also understand why it’s so hard for him to accept it...

“Alright, were in, lets go find some seats.”

The ceremony went by slowly, I was bored listening to a bunch of speeches but at least made it look like I was paying attention. I couldn’t even sit by Enji because Fuyumi took my place, and then I managed to get stuck between Natsuo and Sho and they kept talking and we had to refrain from laughing to loud at a few things. Midoriya was so interested in everything that was happening and i started to pay attention when they actually started calling name, Sho and Natsuo stopped after Fuyumi told them to shut up. Which I appreciated now that things were getting interesting. I listened to the awards leaning forward more and more as more hero’s showed up collecting awards and moving on with speeches each with their own rounds of applause. I got this twisted feeling about Eniji going so I whispered to Sho who voiced the idea of us cheering for their dad and Fuyumi praised him for caring about their dad and he took the praise. So when Enji was called for an award of Achievement and a few other things the crowd applauded but how it normaly had so I stood up pulling Sho and Natsuo with me which caused Fuyumi and Midoriya to stand we clapped louder and cheered “For the new Number one Hero!” I screamed and then the five of us cheered more as others started to stand and clap louder. I looked at Fuyumi who smiled back and nodded. After the crowd calmed down and sat he gave a short speech, almost another thirty minutes of closing speech we finally got to leave.

“Finally! I’m free!” I cheered running straigh into Natsuo’s back as he stopped out of nowhere. “My face.” I groaned pushing away from him, it was in that moment I realized how big he actually was, “Wow, you’re actually tall.” I leaned to use his head to block the sun.

He looked back over his shoulder at me, “huh? Did you say something down there?” He... he just... he just bullied me for my height... “I-...” I look esta him and swallowed, “IM TELLING FUYUMI YOURE BULLYING ME!”

I watched his eyes widen and turned to rush to Fuyumi and he screamed, “wait...NO”

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“Natsuuoooooo?” I poked his cheek as he sat pouting arms crossed, “Nat...Suo? Nat... pssst hey Nat, you still mad?” I poked his cheek again and smiled watching him force back a smile. “Come one, you cant be mad.” I poked his cheek causing him to smile briefly before he forced it back again, so I quickly summoned a feather and poked his cheek distracting him before using it to tickle his other side causing him to laugh.

“Alright fine fine, I’m not mad anymore.” He wheezed as I pulled my feather away, plucking it from the air. “A hero’s work is never done.” I gave an exaggerated sigh and he a single laugh kinda like a scoff, “Some hero you are, you get innocent pedestrians hurt to save them.” he crossed his arms and snapped his head the other way, unamused I felt me brows go up, “Innocent? Pedestrian? You?” I paused when he gave me an offended look. “I don’t think so.”

“Natsuo-“ We turned to look at Shoto, the two of having been sitting outside on a stone bench after Fuyumi scolded him strongly and I pulled into it.

“Yes?” He asked standing up and popping his back.

“Our father, asked if you could head back with Fuyumi to the hotel to pick up her bag of clothes. She left it when she was rushing out. Well meet for lunch before we do anything else.” Shoto said leaning his head to the side slightly.

“Oh,” he looked at me and then over his shoulder at the doors we had both just sulked out of, “yeah, well take a Taxi. I’ll get Fuyumi and we’ll leave.” He nodded and turned to leave.

I moved to stand by Sho, “So?” I asked elbowing him slightly, “how was last night?” “Well, I could ask you the same.” He side eyed me, “Take your phone with you next time you jump out a window.” I didn’t miss the amusement in his eyes, “Right,” I nodded and he closed his eyes a small smile on his lips. “Now, where are we going for lunch?”

“Oh! I read about this American style fondue place! It’s supposed to be really good! So I kinda wanted to try it and I was going to suggest it but, it’s pricey so, eheh, ya know.” I shrugged and Shoto’s brief look of amusement came back, you want what Kaminari told me is a Glucose Guardian, someone who pays for what you want.” I choked, “Sugar daddy.”

“What?”

“What. Nothing, so, lunch? I’m hungry? Also I’m riding in front move.” I rushed past him jumping into the passenger seat before he followed after Deku had met him. I was buzzing in my seat and the took Enji’s hand the moment he was sat and started driving, I squeezed his hand staring out the window, watching the building and cars pass. It felt so nostalgic, but how could it be nostalgic?

“Where are we eating?” I turned to Enji at his question, before looking at Sho through the mirror, “There’s this place Y/n was talking about.” I felt a squeeze to my hand meeting Enji’s stare as he looked at me briefly before looking at the road, “Where is it?”

I smiled and used my free hand to grab my phone, “it’s not to far from here, we should be able to make it in ten minutes if traffic is good.” I clicked away typing the address, “Yup, go straight, take a right at the light, and it should be a large glass building on the corner! It’s a fondue place, more American style!” I tried to talk and explain while squeezing Enji’s hand at the excitement I was feeling. Upon getting to the restaurant we waited a while, having sent Fuyumi and Natsuo the address we waited at least half an hour until we got a call.

“Dad, I don’t think we’ll be able to do lunch today, a really bad wreck caused a traffic jam on this side of the city, it’s an estimated two hour wait until we can move, well find a place to eat once we get closer if you all want to go ahead and eat we’ll be fine.” Before he could answer Shoto spoke “Thank you for your sacrifice.”

“We should go then?” I questioned looking around the car.

“Yes.” Enji said turning the key and opening his door to get out.

After we all got out the car, we started our way towards the restaurant. I awed at it, we made it in met with a nice man, “Welcome to The Melting Hot Pot! How many will be in your party?”

We all looked up at Enji, “Four.” We all nodded, it felt as if we were judging him.

“Would you like a private room or to be seated in our public seating area.”

“Private.” He nodded and the host nodded, “You can follow me this way.”

“Will this be you’re first time dining with us?” We all slid into seats in the large luxurious looking booth, it’s was in a room with a sliding screen door for privacy.

“Yes it will.”

“Great! I’ll give you the crash course before you’re waiter comes to attend to your table.”

After about seven minutes and looking at a menu the Host left and we started to talk about what sounded good.

“Wisconsin cheddar cheese?” Shoto asked.

“Flaming turtle... sounds painful...” Midoriya was staring at the opposite side of the menu.

“Maybe... we should start with a salad? Before we start looking at the fondue, there’s.. Wisconsin Wedge... California... Caesar... and a house, so, what sounds good?”

We tried to talk it out but no luck, we ended up right where we started, until Midoriya looked at Enji, “Mr.Endeavor sir,” I held back a laugh.

He hummed staring at Deku, his face didn’t change making him seem angry or annoyed, “What?”

Midoriya flinched.

“Maybe you.... you have more experience with this than we do, do you have a-any... advice?”

Enji nodded, “Get a California Salad, you’re allowed two cheeses, well get the Wisconsin Cheddar and Quattro Formaggio, for entree you’ll get a classic plate that comes with Pork, shrimp, chicken and steak cooked in a Mojo style broth, and for two desserts you’ll get a flaming turtle and Yin & Yang mix.”

We all stared at him, “Have you been here before?” I asked interested.

“No,” he held up a rectangular piece of plastic lined paper, “It’s a recommended course.”

“That’s very convenient.” I mumbled and we all looked as our waiter slid the door open finally entering.

“Hello, sorry for being late, what can I bring you to drink.”

“A tea, please.” Shoto and Midoriya spoke at the same time.

“Alright, two sweet iced teas,” and for you, she turned to me, “A spirit free watermelon cooler.”

“Good choice, and for you sir?” She turned to Enji who was looking at the menu, “A Billionaire’s Coffee.” He didn’t even look at her.

“Alright,” she looked at us, “I’ll get your drinks and be right back to take your order.”

She left and we casually just sat there looking around at the decor.

“I like the low lights, it’s nice kinda cosy.” I talked out loud to no one, before I looked at Midoriya locking eyes contact, “perfect place for a date.”

He chocked on air and brought his arm to his face blushing stuttering out things I didn’t understand. I laughed a bit, enjoying the show before he calmed down when the waiter appeared.

“Alright, what are we getting?” She looked at us and all I did was look up at Enji, he sighed, “We’d like to try the Complete Fondue experience for four.” He tapped the plastic with his finger and she noted it, “in that exact order.”

She nodded again, “An exact copy of the full experience, now before I head out, does anyone want to add a lobster tail or any extra meats to their plates?”

“No,”

“No thank you.”

“No, I’m good.”

“No.”

“Alright then, I’ll be turning on the burners, they will get hot, please do not touch them.” She pulled out a small metal stand with a promotional flyer and placed it on the burners before she left.

“I’m excited.” I reached over under the table and took Enji’s hand and brought it back to my lap squeezing his bigger hand between mine.

His hand squeezed mine, I smiled up at him before looking down at his hand, callused, warm. Scars were present but hardly noticeable, I ran my thumb over his knuckles, losing myself in the patterns I began to draw, feeling myself fall into a feeling of nostalgia.

“Y/n,” I looked up at the sound, “Hm?” I hummed in response looking around.

“Are you fine?” Shoto asked his voice soft but his brows were furrowed.

“Yeah, just thinking about school and the internships.” I shrugged, “We’ve been through a lot with everything that’s happened, it’s hard to believe we’re just first year.”

“Hm.” Shoto nodded and I pulled a hand up and lates it palm up on the table.

“Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I see and the more we do, it kinda scares me,” I looked at a scar it ran from the side of my wrist to the back of my hand, it was a deep wound from my Internship, “But seeing everything also makes me realize,” I balled my fist up smiling, “There’s so much space for new hero’s to rise and it excites me knowing one day I’ll be out there fighting for a chance to be number one.”

“Ambitious.” I flinched at the waiters voice who slid the door closed as she entered, “You must be in a hero school then.”

“I, yes, I am.” I nodded and looked away.

“I’ve never heard of you, you must not be that well known. Everyone however would be able to notice our lovely new number one hero Endeavor.” She smiled and patted Enji who just gave her a side eye and she quickly pulled her hand away.

I let out a mix of a scoff and a laugh, “You must live under a rock, or be uncultured, I’m from UA, were our sports festival is streamed publicly almost everywhere throughout the prefecture and surrounding cities, not to mention I was in the news quite a few times with Endeavor and Pro Hero Hawks, I was on headlines and on front page covers of newspapers and magazines, if you can’t recognize me it really goes to show what kind of woman you are.” I made a face and she made a face back.

Before we started a stare down another person walked in, “Alright, here comes a hot pot, everyone be careful.”

As the second waiter was setting up the meal I couldn’t help but mumble to myself, “Bite me, it’s what rabid dogs do anyways.”

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

After eating and Midoriya and I burning ourselves multiple times on hot cheese fondue we finished our desserts and started to head out.

We stepped out into the dark, the afternoon sun had set and the cities night life was crawling out into the streets, lights lit up outside patios, rooftops had flames lit lighting tables, tinted windows were lit up showing the chandeliers that hide during the day. Ladies in fancy dresses and men in suits and flashy attire. It was in that moment I realized how wrong our relationship is, I’m in UA, I’m only 16, sure the consent age is lower then that but, I, this is morally wrong in some eyes... I could ruin Enji’s career if anyone ever found out... I felt a sense of worry fill me. No one knew, I didn’t care before. So what scares me now?

“So! What are we doing tomorrow?” I looked at Enji and Shoto as we walked, Midoriya was unintentionally hidden by Shoto.

“It’s a surprise.” Shoto answered very bluntly and I squinted at him, “Very helpful.”

“How are Fuyumi and....” I paused the name leaving me and looked down, embarrassed, thinking, his name just couldn’t be Naruto because it’s pretty close to that anyways, “Natsuo! Heh! I remembered.”

“Fuyumi messaged me, they tried a curry at an Indian restaurant near the hotel, Natsuo also now holds the title for eating a plate of the spiciest curry in under an hour.” Shoto said flashing us his phone which had a very red smiling Natsuo holding a certificate and a $200 dollar check.

“That’s... impressive.” I was impressed, but it seemed like a painful thing.

I felt my phone buzz, I answered if, “Hello?”

“Hey y/n! It’s Fuyumi, I’d you don’t mind when you get to the hotel can you stop by the hotel shop and pick up something for indigestion or upset stomach, maybe heart burn?”

“Oh,” I smiled, “Yeah, I can do that, we’re on the way back about to get in the car, the streets are empty so we should be there soon, so, I’ll get it for you.”

“Thank you, sorry for the burden but I feel bad for leaving Natsuo while his stomach is hurting this much.”

“Don’t worry! I’m a hero, it’s what I do.” I smiled getting into the car as we reached it.

“Still, thank you y/n.” She sounds like she was smiling, I could feel it, in that moment how much she really cared for her family. It kinda warmed my heart in a way I can’t describe.

“Alright, see you then.” I ended the call and explained everything on the way over, Enji sighed and rubbed his forehead before pinching the bridge of his knows shaking his head. I smiled, noticing the edge of his lips twitch upwards a bit before he forced it down mumbling out Natsuo’s name and something I couldn’t hear.

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Tag list

@waffleees-world @daedaep69 @gabrielislovegabrielislife @sabrinakishi @mae3solo

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

HI i just wanted to say that i really enjoy your twilight metas (as those are the only ones ive read so far) and you're a genius. it's awesome to me how realistically you think about characters and the plot, which i have never been able to do because i always get confused. thank you especially for your post about jacob and how the fandom treats him bc ive always had mixed feelings! i love him (the fanon/new moon him ofc) but i also felt rly weird about the whole SA thing, especially as a brown boy thats been villainized (i didnt SA anyone i just realized how that sounds) i understood that it had racist roots but it still...happened, yk? anyways u put it beautifully and its alot easier to understand how i feel about him now. also like everything else u post about!! i despise the cullens w my every being but its so entertaining to see their dynamic and actions laid out. mostly bc it solidifies my hatred but anyways. they also kind of change my views on other characters, like i always kinda liked bella (i dont like alot of things she does but alot of the fan content i see on her made her feel rly relatable) and its rly interesting to see that she would be a kind of absent parent, bc id never considered it like that and it makes so much sense and woah. u have so much evidence to back up ur theories and opinions too--i tend to get lost in fanon but i dont rly do that w ur posts! even ones where ur spitballing its just muah chefs kiss i love. i write alot of self fulfilling fanfiction and tbh it does not feel the same when the characters r too ooc and ur posts have helped a fuck ton! ur super cool and i love ur stuff keep going :)

i do have some questions tho u dont have to acknowledge it at all and ik you tend to focus more on the cullens, but what do you think the wolf pack is like now that jacob, leah, and seth have left, and now that they have so many new members? do you think any other girls would have shifted and how would they be treated? ik leah was kind of alienated in canon not only bc shes a girl but also bc of her feelings, and i cant tell if the pack would be wary of her/treat her the same as leah, or if they would have learned their lesson.

have a good day!

Well first, thank you, I'm very flattered. I'm going to go ahead and acknowledge @therealvinelle here as well as she's I believe the one who originally posted the post about the very complicated topic of Jacob Black and his terrible choices throughout the series.

As for your questions there are a few pack questions in my inbox but it's mostly a matter that people keep asking questions about Bella and she keeps getting eaten.

Also, I'm not sure you want me answering these questions. Like all of Twilight, it's a bleak pit of despair.

But here we go

What About the Pack/Tribe After Breaking Dawn

There's a lot of shit going on in the tribe right now. Jacob leaving is just part of it.

They have an unprecedented number of shifters in the community and that's going to spell... a lot of issues in the years to come.

Namely, per Sam and Emily, domestic violence will be through the roof and kept very hushed up for the understandable reason of these people look like they were mauled by bears. This will also likely increase the number of deaths in the tribe, especially among those who are young. Accidents happen, it's not good, this is going to have a devastating impact on the people.

You also have a lot of angry, disaffected, young men who can no longer really be a part of society. They can't really attend school, can't even really leave the reservation for fear of turning into a wolf, they can't hold a job, at the age of nineteen or younger they each had their futures ripped away from them.

Some, Seth, handle this very well (possibly because he hasn't clued into what this means yet), others like Jake... do not. These people have had their lives turned upside down and in some cases utterly ruined: that's not good in any society.

Then you have the imprinting, lord, the imprinting.

To date, there's the Sam, Emily, and Leah disaster. The three of them handled it very well, but it still utterly destroyed Leah's life and emotional stability. Not helping, of course, is that Leah has had her very identity taken from her, has no privacy, and her only option of escape is to follow Jacob around which... we'll get to in a few paragraphs.

Added to that, you have the Claire/Quil disaster, in which the tribe is desperately trying to handle it by a) keeping it very quiet b) trying to make Quil just be the babysitter. That's unlikely to work out for them and is just angstfest all around and no one's fault.

And then, of course, Jacob/Renesmee. Jacob, having now imprinted, will follow Renesmee to the ends of the earth. He has no other purpose now. Which means that Leah and Seth, who are in his pack, get to follow along and uproot their lives. For the tribe this means they'll never be rid of the Cullens, not truly, and Billy has lost his son entirely. Not to mention it's guaranteed to go awful places.

Then you have the paternity questions this whole thing drudges up, the trauma of these children having to be sacred warriors and having slaughtered demons with human faces, many of whom were also once children and more.

The tribe and the pack are a goddamn mess.

Jacob imprinting on the Cullen hybrid daughter and leaving the tribe? Yeah, it's weird and no one likes it, but that isn't even the peak of the nonsense these people have to deal with.

Would the Other Girls Shift?

No.

Leah seems to have won the genetic shitty lottery. In 600 years of shifting, there has never been another woman, and Leah has all shifting bloodlines in her veins.

It seems Leah was just very unlucky.

Were other girls to shift I imagine they'd face much the same situation. Suddenly teenage boys are witnessing them naked, all the time, they have no choice to become sacred warriors (a role not typically meant for women and which will very much feel like 'the boy's club') and I don't get the idea that anyone learned anything from Leah.

Jake certainly didn't, he just thought she was Uber Bitch until she begged him to let her in his new pack and reminded him she was a human being with feelings.

The concept genuinely had not occurred to him.

TL;DR Remember kids, Twilight is despair

[brightgoat]

I think u may have said something to this effect but how much or what kind of care did creature require when they first came into being? Did they know and understand language and basic survival and stuff? It’s something I always wonder about when I read the novel and it makes me curious about ur own take on it. Ty!

@paintcantpaint

I don’t know what creechur’s first word should be, but I did have a few ideas for a first written word. And oh yes, Vic taught him everything, he doesn’t let the creechur eat before it answers science trivia questions haha

putting the rest of answer under a cut to save space

The creechur can do everything a normal human can do, but arguably better. He is monstrously strong and has great physical resilience and endurance. He takes in information and matures faster (he goes from mumbling newborn to a very intelligent adult that does equations like a calculator in the span of one year). 

I sometimes like to look at the creature from a self-aware A.I. lens, haha. I mean it technically fits the definition? Except I guess it wouldn’t be considered a machine. But it is technically artificial life and consciousness, and therefore by extension intelligence? Maybe?? Even though it learns in a very natural way? Well... not really but kinda-ehhhhh

It has no inhuman enhancements or materials within it, it has the same biology as a human. Which should make it also human. Artificially made human.... artificial intelli-

Upon creation, it had an adult-structured brain but the mind of a child and experience of a newborn... It began walking, making noises and had survival instincts pretty much straight away, and since it learned and developed deductive reasoning quickly, it could quickly tell what is edible, how to warm itself and when to fight or flight.

Everything else though, reading, language, how to count, writing, sketching, how to clothe itself properly, etc. had to be taught by Vic. But again, it’s a fast learner.

Some stuff like tying up its hair, cooking, and most of its personal hobbies which are mostly artistic, it taught itself.

An extra ability-thing of his is that you can take him apart. You can undo his stitches and open him up like a book without him dying (except for the one on his neck). He will... probably feel some pain and awful, AWFUL discomfort, but he won’t die. Vic made him like this on purpose for tests on the creechur’s body, or if Vic ever wanted to redo an organ, or change anything.

[infectedpaul]

You Matter To Me (Squip/Reader)

You've had your Squip for a bit now and it's been fine for the most part, until he brings up the idea of looking into romantic relationships with others which opens up a lot of wounds you wanted to just bury deep and forget about. But you can't begin the road to recovery without asking why you got there, right?

SO IVE NEVER....WRITTEN AN X READER B4 UGH HJKSAJDASKDJSA esp not for a near dead fandom OH WELL oh well oh well h ignore this my normal followers please please

(warning 4 talks of depression/self degrading talk, its hurt comfort yada yada i need 2 touch grass ik)

ao3 link if u prefer that!!

You weren't made for love, at least, you didn't think so.

For as long as you'd been looking for it, it was always so out of reach. Easily visible, sure. Walking past groups of friends laughing it up on the sidewalks, partners entangled in each other's arms, seemingly trying to make their love known for all. But for you to have any of that for yourself? The heat death of the universe would sooner come, surely.

You'd sort of given up on it. It would be nice, you'd think. To be held, wrapped up in someone's arms, and just to stay there for as long as either of you could want. That cozy, warm feeling of being with someone that you only saw in movies or read about in books. But you had just accepted it wasn't in the cards, so to speak. And you were fine with that.

Well, you told yourself anyway. You knew it was for a deeper reason, though, but that wasn't something you liked to think about too heavily.

It was easier to do that when you didn't have a roommate that could dig into your brain and pry every little detail about them out of you.

When you got your Squip, you didn't know it'd be so adamant about perfecting every little last thing you were. How long or short your hair was styled, if your shoes matched your eyes, how fast or slow you were walking and how too brisk would make you seem like you were constipated but too slow and your likelihood of getting run over by a horse-drawn carriage gone would go up much higher, nevermind that you've never even seen a horse in real life.

What you did know, by now at least was that the Squip was persistent, seeing himself as your guardian angel, a guiding light in your desolate dark world of humanity, ickiness and week old pizza boxes you were too unmotivated to at least move off the bed.

So when his ideal response wasn't given when he proposed seeking out a lovelife, he was...well,

"I'm not sure I understand." His head crooked to the side, puzzled by your surface level indifference, "You're of consenting age, marginally attractive and only slightly under average at socializing. Finding a mate can't be too hard."

His holographic form hummed a soft, near silent buzz, a small imperfection to his otherwise flawless binary makeup. Other than that, and the soft, tinted blue glow around his form, he looked completely human. A little too human, really. Something so real, realer than any CG or video game, but something was just...off, something from the uncanny valley. You hadn't kept him in this form long, you liked to change it up from time to time, maybe to trick yourself into thinking he was someone new, making your brain think you had more friends besides the computer you bought behind a Rack Room.

You didn't look at him though when you responded, too preoccupied with the paper in front of you, decorated with a few characters concocted from your imagination. "I dunno," you shrug, brushing off eraser marks, "Just not my thing, I guess." You could feel his confusion, a bit of gut feeling as his thoughts jumbled in with your own. He was really only in your brain, afterall; the figure behind you sitting on your bed was just something he made up to ease your brain into trusting a new, larger source of perpetually growing information. "But, the purpose of this time in your life is to mate and birth young, is it not?"

You really wished he'd learn to stop talking about you and 'the homo sapien species' like you were a mindless ape made to breed and nothing else.

"Uh, I mean not really. I know that's what everyone around me is doing," Your mind thought back to all the cringey baby announcement videos from kids you knew in high school, "But it's...I guess I'm just not up for it. It's not really for people like me."

He was quiet. Only for a second, before he asked,

"People like you?" Another silence hung in the air. It was a truth you knew he could easily just reach into your brain and find for himself so you kept quiet for a bit longer, waiting for him to start digging. But you didn't feel it, that very familiar sudden ache in the back of your head you got when he went poking around for more things to nag at you about. Just quiet in your room, only the soft buzz and birds tweeting outside your window any solace from the uncomfortable silence you felt.

You shrugged again, and turned to face him, seeing now the muddled and a little concerned look on his face. "You know? The quiet ones, the losers. People like me don't get to be loved. I've just accepted that." You could have said a lot worse, and it seemed like he knew that. You didn't really understand, either. You didn't like yourself, plain and simple.

His concern only seemed to grow, eyebrows furrowing and staring intently at you. You thought for a second, maybe it was anger. It wouldn't be the first time. You were mostly compliant to his (mandatory) suggestions for life improvement, but every once in a while he would propose an idea that you would fight about, like clothes you weren't comfortable wearing for one reason or another. He said he was a learning computer, so he would need your help on things like emotions and comfiness, physical or mental, ruling out whatever the newest trends were. He would be fine afterwards but, he could get pretty huffy about you trying on too skinny-skinny jeans.

But that didn't happen, there wasn't a small but fierce jolt of electricity in your back to stop you from going against 'social programming', as he called it. He just looked at you a bit longer, seemingly turning gears in his head as he tried to process what you're saying.

You gave him a sober smile, trying to still seem indifferent, though for a second you wondered maybe if he was still prying at you, in a different way at least, because if he was, it seemed to be working.

"What? I'm just not that special. You of all people know that, right?" It was almost like you weren't hearing what was coming out of your mouth, that casual self-degradation that almost frightened him. You heard stories from message boards about that, older models of the Squip forcing reprogramming onto the host by breaking down their emotional state with verbal or physical punishment for...just existing, really.

He wasn't really like that though. Yes he could be annoyed when you didn't comply, but you were both good at compromise and treated situations like adults, even if at first you weren't much motivated to treat any situation at all. He informed you while you were looking through those boards that his creators had taken in accounts of previous incidents and built more of a guide to self-improvement than a ball and chain with a backhand. Humans were fragile, he knew that, and it wasn't okay to hurt them just to get a little closer to their goal.

But maybe, did he not think that humans were more than capable of hurting themselves? Their own words used against them, their internal voices bashing against their brains, turning them to mush and making them too scared or unmotivated to build it back up again.

"I just know no one would love some useless, pitiful person...I just kinda got over that a while ago." You almost frightened him with how nonchalant you were about the whole thing. It wasn't intentional, you weren't trying to seek attention or be funny. You just knew there was plenty of other people out there worthy of all that lovey-dovey stuff you thought would be nice but...it's just not meant for you.

There was a knot in his voice as he finally spoke up,

"That's why I'm here, isn't it?" The last piece of the puzzle had finally clicked into place, but he didn't look satisfied, not that cheeky, self-centered chagrin when things went his way or when he was proven right yet again.

You thought he knew that. You thought from day one he just figured that out and that's why he's been trying so hard to make you into a model citizen or something. "Did you just think you were here to help me pick out clothes in the morning?" You laughed, he seemed to know it was forced.

"Well...y-yes, maybe. I just...I never looked into that possibility of…" He was regaining his composure; this was a side you've never seen of him before. He's always been so astute, robotic and to the point. He's never fumbled over his words or had to give himself a second to figure out what to say next.

"How long has it been like this, Y/N?" His hands were folded neatly on his lap, still looking you dead-on, waiting for you to answer his distressed queuerie with worried patience.

You got up out of your chair, pushing it back and behind you to step away from the table and your drawings. "I dunno," you said, taking a few steps towards the long mirror hung on your wall, "for as long as I can remember, I guess." You looked at your reflection, only tired, dark eyes looking back at you. Even though the edge of the bed was visible in the mirror, your Squip didn't show up in it, another reminder of just how alone you were outside of your head.

"I just started to feel like I didn't belong more and more and...that ate me up so much I just started believing in it. I-I didn't wanna go to school or talk to people or even get up 'cause...well," You turned away from the mirror before you could see the tears you'd been holding back, looking at the more distressed figure in view of you again, "what would anyone be missing, really?" You still smiled, that big smile you both worked so meticulously on making seem not too forced when you had to act excited or just blend into normal social gatherings, but it wavered so easily, like a thin strip of paper about to tear off the nail that barely held it up on the wall.

His eyes widened at the sight of your tears, immediately getting up and briskly walking to stand in front of you, not knowing how to proceed in the moment. He hadn't had to deal with something like this yet and he was troubleshooting to see what was the correct response to a human breakdown.

You looked down, covering your eyes with one hand and clenching the other into a fist, big, strained smile still plastered on your face and trying so hard not to seem more weak than you knew you were. You were nothing. You knew that, you thought he did too. You thought you could just fix things, but how could you do that without getting to the source? You knew you couldn't just sidestep around why you wanted things to get better with humans, but with a computer who could read your brain like the newspaper, you thought maybe you could get around that.

You heard him sigh before a feeling of arms wrapping around you caught you off guard, the Squip entangling you in his grasp and his head resting on yours. It was all simulated, you knew. He had done things such as lightly punch your arm as if to say 'Good job, Sport!' or tap your shoulder to grab your attention without startling you, but this was different. He held onto you for a good couple of seconds, a wave of warmth spreading through your body in an instant. He pet back your hair with one hand, rubbing your back with the other and finally broke the silence in the room.

"Y/N, it- ...it pains me, hearing you speak that way about yourself. You're…" He looked down at you, holding you a bit closer and tightening his grip just a tad. "You're an incredible, talented, wonderful person. You've come so far and you've taught me so much about humans and myself and I just couldn't ask for a better-" He stopped. You knew what he was going to say, a better host, a better human, a better assignment to help and guide and-

"A better friend."

A friend?

He never referred to you or anyone with such a personal or affectionate term. It almost didn't seem real, like you maybe misheard him. Your smile had shattered into a small frown and, with teary-eyes and your voice already cracking, you looked up at him, meeting his almost-heartbroken eyes in an expression that looked so foreign on his normally composed face.

"What?"

He gave a weak smile, trying to be comforting but his fear showing plain as day. You could feel it within you too, a pit in your stomach forming as your chest tightened. You knew it wasn't your anxiety, but his.

"Do I need to repeat myself, Y/N? I think of you as a friend and..." His hand moved off of your back and ran itself up to rest on your shoulder, the other holding your cheek and wiping away your tears with his thumb. "I want to do all I can to show you that from here on."

You almost couldn't breathe as you looked at him, feeling for the first time that unconditional love you yearned for. You could feel your heart race in your chest, something you knew he could feel too but you were too crushed to say anything. You simply slammed yourself into his chest, grabbing fistfulls of his shirt that made your hands tingle like they fell asleep. His arms enveloped you yet again, the both of you holding onto each other so tight like either of you would fall through the floor if you let go.

You sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for what felt like hours, and, just maybe, you thought you could hear him crying too, but that'd be silly...right?

When you were finally out of tears to cry, you stood there still, simply bathing in each other's presence, the feeling you only saw in others finally yours. And you knew it was only a matter of time before this too was stolen from you, the universe would take back anything from people unworthy but...for right now, you wanted to be a little selfish.

"I'm sorry." You whispered, face still buried in his shirt.

"For?" His head was rested on yours again, holding up your weak and tired form with no effort, just trying to keep you propped up until you were ready to let go.

"I got you to help me but...I can't even let you in like I'm supposed to. But...I want to. I just want help." You pushed yourself off of him, one thought between you and him and his hands meeting yours, the simulated tingle in there again as you held each other's palms in yours and looked at each other with such exhausted eyes and worn-out but so genuine smiles.

He leaned down and planted a kiss on your forehead, a soft hue of pink blush spreading on your drained and exhausted face.

"I'd love to help, friend."

[hargrove-mayfields]

Day one of the Horror on Cherry Lane Challenge! I’ll be participating this month as a writer! The prompt for today is Knife!

warnings for mentions of suicidal ideation and attempts, death, child abuse, and blood.

Billy met Steve in the psych ward.

Well, they met officially at Tina’s party, but that wasn’t the real Steve. That was the King Steve. Deeper than that though, even the Steve Harrington everyone else saw even after the breakup and the fall from grace still wasn’t the real thing.

That was fake smiles, overdone nonchalance to cover up the wound from his fallen status. Now he was stripped down to himself, all bloody bandages and tired eyes, the boy he was pretending to be finally broken down to reveal this.

Apparently, Ruthie Harrington found her son with his grandfather's switchblade- all the other objects in the house sharper than a spoon and with less sentimental value had already been tossed -bleeding all over her freshly polished linoleum floors. She dropped him off at the hospital a night ago and nobody’s been by to see him since.

Now, it’s by pure coincidence that Billy’s already in on the same day Steve’s admitted.

He’s been locked up the past three days compared to Steve’s one. These small town hicks are jumpier (ha) than he thought, and don’t think doing the walk and turn test on the edge of the quarry after downing a bottle and a half of fireball is as funny as he does. Whatever. Cid would’ve thought that was badass as hell.

So he was admitted, on suicide watch for a stupid joke that wasn’t really worth it, or even really a joke. Max came to visit once. She punched him in the chest as hard as she could and cursed him out for an hour. She’d never done that before. By the time she left they were both in tears, and maybe Billy realized a thing or too about his carelessness. Realized for the first time that someone cared.

But he’s still in here for another week and a half by law, so. He’s not going to mope about it. And while Steve Harrington showing up is about the last thing he’s expecting, he decides that’s at least something he can work with. Definitely brings a little life to the place.

He waits until Steve’s intense watch period is over to bug him, once they’re out of their cramped little rooms for a couple of hours to “socialize” (see, the more sound of mind keep an eye on the other patients while the nurses take their smoke breaks) Billy goes straight to Steve. Him and Harrington are far from friends, but that’s pretty much irrelevant when the only other choices for company are kids younger than them too scared to approach them and people too deep in their midlife crises to bother with teenage drama.

Throwing himself down in the blue plastic chair across from where Steve settled in, Billy kicks his feet up on the table,, “What’s up Harrington? Didn’t expect to see a familiar face in here.”

But Steve, poor Steve, takes one look at Billy with those haunted brown eyes, and his face just falls completely apart. There are tears on his way too pale cheeks before Billy even has a chance to breathe.

The smile drops off of Billy’s face, “Jesus Harrington, I know m’not looking my best surviving on hospital food and cigarettes without a hairbrush, but that’s a little unwarranted.”

“Shut up. Not everything’s about you, Hargrove.”

“Oh I disagree with that. But I get the point. I’ll let ya be.” Billy hums, scooting his chair back and getting up. He stops when Steve starts to speak, “Y-You outta be careful saying that kinda stuff in here.”

“What?”

“That the world revolves around you. They’ll come up with a diagnosis for that and keep you here forever. Drug you ‘til you forget your own name, let alone your status.” Steve tells him with humor, wiping the tears off his face.

Billy nods in understanding, sits back down with an interested smirk, “This ain’t your first time here, is it?”

“Is it yours?”

“Nah. I’ve done some shit on purpose, some on accident. Once it wasn’t even me. But s’never done anything to help so far.”

Steve puffs out a sigh, “Don’t I know it.. I’ve been in and outta this place since I was like, ten. Clearly nothing’s changed.”

“Why? What’s your dirty little secret, Harrington?”

“I cut myself, dumbass.” He deadpans, looking at Billy with a bluntness in his expression that reads more concerning, more like indifference to what he just said than matter-of-fact.

“No shit. But that ain’t the secret.” Billy probes further, can tell he’s getting under that mask Steve wears, “Why do you do it?”

“Legally, I can't tell you. And I don’t think I would anyways.”

“What about if I tell you all about me first? I got no reservations ‘cept the one that got me a bed here.”

“It’s not a hotel, Hargrove.”

“Eh, might as well be. Feels like the damn hotel California.”

“Is that why?”

“Huh? Oh no, I been pullin’ stunts like this long before we left Cali.”

“Like what?”

“Like downing two full bottles of my mother’s meds after she left. Not at the same time obviously, or I wouldn’t be here. Mostly ‘cause my dad didn’t even wanna take me to the hospital either time.” Billy doesn’t look at Steve while he elaborates. Not because he cares, he’s an open book, if a random old woman at the grocery store asked about his last attempt, he’d tell her.

But. He doesn’t like watching people’s faces. Seeing sympathy and concern there. It makes him feel all stupid and guilty. It’s usually not like that with other kids like him, but Steve’s different. He’s got a big heart. Even if there’s no room for himself.

And Billy hurt Steve before. He doesn’t want to see someone he caused pain caring so much about him. He already cracked when Max came to see him. This could be what splits him open, spills out all the things he’s covered up.

So he keeps going, “And like runnin’ out in front of traffic with my friends. They thought we were just playin’ chicken ‘til I stopped dead in front of a station wagon. Metal rims’d done me in for sure if one ‘a the older boys hadn’t pulled me outta the way. Damn near ripped my shirt in half how fast he grabbed me.”

“I’m guessing your parents are the reason why then?”

“Yessir.” Billy deflects, not good at getting deeper into it, “You wanna tell me yours then?”

“I started cutting because Tommy Hagan told me about it. He thought it was freaky, but when he ran his mouth about how they found the neighbor kid in his room, drained of all his blood from his wrists, I wanted to try it. I’ve tried liquor and drugs and all kinds ‘a shit I shouldn’t, but nothin’ stuck like cutting.” Steve pauses for a long time, his eyes going blank, staring right past Billy, “When my mom found out she.. she.. Forget it.”

“Hey, you seen my skeletons. Can’t I see yours?”

“No. I don’t wanna fucking talk about it anymore.” Steve answers, despite his assuredness, his tone wobbling with some unidentifiable emotion.

Talk about mood swings. Billy doesn’t get how nobody would’ve noticed something was up before Steve started carving into himself. Really, he knows someone would have seen it and just ignored it.

It only gets worse though, the reservedness turning to sadness and frustration. None of the words are coming out, but he can tell Steve’s thinking of the stories, reliving all that got him to the here and now. Billy can also tell there’s nothing he can do no to stop him from doomsdaying.

So when Steve is inevitably in the thralls of a panic attack, he tries to hug him tight, to try to get it to stop maybe, that always worked for him at least, but Steve swats him away. Judging from the way he winces, it’s not easy for him to do either, with those thick ass bandages constricting his wrists, but the tears and the pain on his face are buried behind his resolution.

He’s hiding something from Billy.

In hindsight, talking to a new patient about past attempts probably wasn’t his brightest idea anyways, so he switches the subject while Steve works on coming down from his panic attack. He brings up Max and her little nerds, trying to bridge the healthier connections between him and Steve that they’d both been ignoring since the fight. He mentions basketball too, another something they have in common other than trying to kill themselves.

It doesn’t really work, though Steve does stop shaking as bad, just curling up in his little chair and sniffling, pretending not to listen while Billy rambles on and on. But he doesn’t talk. It’s probably better for him not to anyway. Billy himself has been known to say some dumb shit when he’s in distress.

Ultimately, even once the conversation runs out, he stays with Steve until dark. He can tell from the way his gaze sticks to the floor that Steve recovered from his fit a while ago, but he’s embarrassed by having a breakdown in front of him, as if he isn’t in here for the same reason. It helps that he gets it though, and they sit in a comfortable, albeit very prolonged, silence.

Long after Steve gets xanned up and knocked out though, while Billy is still free to wander until the midnight curfew as a low risk patient, he decides to stick with him in his room. Billy’ll never admit it, but he gets nightmares, and he doesn’t want to face that just yet, so with a new friend as an excuse, he’s up half the night watching Steve sleep.

He remembers what happened earlier, how focused Steve was on keeping him away from him, despite his panic, and decides, with a glance at how deeply Steve is sleeping, his greasy hair all strewn about on stiff pillows, that he’s going to figure out what it was.

He snoops around in his bedside drawers, in the bathroom, in the locker in the corner. It’s there he notices the knitted jacket Steve was wearing before, hanging heavy to one side, like there’s something in its pocket. He touches it and feels the outline of something small, so he pulls it out.

He regrets checking though, because it’s a knife. Judging from the old looking engravings on its handle, and the coppery stains within the grooves, it’s specifically the very same one that got Steve hospitalized.

He shoves it in his own back pocket and keeps looking, with a quick glance at Steve, finding a note tucked where the knife had been. Written in perfect scrawl on bond paper that’s been folded a dozen times and stained with tears,

“Do it right next time, why don’t you? Your mother is too soft on you. I’m not paying for this again.

- J.Harrington.”

Billy doesn’t know what to do but throw the note in the trash. Not really in shock, but definitely more than a little fucked up from reading that, he sits on the end of Steve’s bed. His own dad, who'd more than once been the one putting him in the hospital, had never even said anything like that to him.

He didn’t get to talk to Steve much today, but they’ve got as long as Billy’s stuck in here together to fix that. Longer if he just pulls something in front of a nurse. And he wants to, really really wants to.

Because he knows he just met the real Steve, can recognize another broken boy when he sees one, and he knows too, that he never wants to meet a pretty boy like this again.

And if that’s his declaration to get clean, then so fucking be it.

But. He never promised not to hurt anyone. Ultimately he’d still need that outlet.

He keeps the knife. To make sure his pretty boy doesn’t get hurt again.

[paperpennies]

Please tell me about your AU idea where Sasha and Milla meet in Brazil as teenagers and basically end up long-distance dating before either of them become Psychonauts ^_^

Oh hey look at that, totally out of nowhere, not prompted by me at all! (@2somethingelseyoumightknow2 and @strawberry-et also asked me about it but it seems redundant to answer three separate asks. I didn’t think three people would actually do it lol. Also sorry for taking 8 years to answer.) This idea came out of just smushing two thoughts together. Then I got weirdly attached. Buckle in; it’s gonna be pretty long.  Under a cut to avoid annoying feed scrolling.

So, AU is: Sasha mom lives, meaning he turns out a lot better emotionally adjusted since he grows up with at least one attentive parent. His dad is better too- still pretty emotionally constipated but not, like, broken the way he is in canon. The family also has 4-5 more kids after Sasha. This does mean they’re pretty poor but they do okay. 

His mother is a schoolteacher, who is somewhat unusual in the time period for working and being a mom of a big family at the same time. She and Sasha are quite close; he gets a lot of his intellectual and curious side from her. In his eyes, he’s much more like her than like his dad (although people who know them both would say he’s a lot more like his father than he thinks). His mother also knows about his psychic powers, having noticed them as soon as they started showing up, but his dad and siblings (probably) don’t. 

The story starts when Sasha is 14-15 years old. He’s getting increasingly bored living in a small rural town with few opportunities related to his interests, and his developing psychic powers (and probable undiagnosed autism) make things even more complicated and difficult for him. His mother gets an opportunity, probably with some kind of charity organization, to go teach German/English and maybe other stuff in Brazil for a while. She decides to take it, and take Sasha with her so he can have some different life experiences. She also takes his youngest sister along, since she’s still very little and dad’s already going to be left alone with three other kids. 

(Also, my assumed age for Sasha and Milla in the games is like mid-30s, which, if the games take place in mid/late 80s, would mean they were born in the mid-50s. That means they would be 14-15 in the late 60s. So that’s the timeline I’m going with here.) 

So they go to Brazil. The school Sasha’s mom is working at is either at or associated with an orphanage- maybe a church that has a school and an orphanage. Of course, Milla is there. I don’t have a lot of the details locked in here. It’s hard because we know nothing about Milla’s family or life before she was working at the orphanage, so I’m really just pulling this out of nowhere to fit in with this AU. For the purposes of this, she has no family and is living at the orphanage and going to the school there (even though that’s sad and I kinda don’t like it. May change it. Hm.)

Anyway, Sasha’s mom is teaching at the school; Sasha is doing basically independent study. I also haven’t decided if Milla is in his mom’s classes, because I haven’t decided what age group(s) she’s teaching. Either Milla’s in her classes or gets employed (or volunteers) to babysit Sasha’s little sister and that’s how she comes to be around. Oh, and also for the purposes of this, Sasha’s mom already spoke Portuguese before this, and Sasha’s been learning it prior to arriving there, so he’s like conversational at least. 

Either way, Sasha and Milla meet. Despite having some initial personality conflict, they find they have a weird connection to each other. Milla is curious about this feeling and interprets it as maybe being a crush, although it feels a little bit different. She decides to try and befriend him to understand it better, and also because that’s just what Milla does. She’s the sort of person who makes people her friends half-against-their-will just by being friendly and caring consistently until they can’t deny that they’re friends.

Sasha, meanwhile, is wary of her and her enthusiasm because he’s not great with the social stuff, especially with the culture and language gaps at play. He’s also wary of the feeling because it seems psychic-related, but he doesn’t know what that means. Plus Milla is like super pretty and nice and he gets tongue-tied and red-faced whenever she talks to him, but he definitely doesn’t like her shut up Mom.

Over time, Milla’s determination prevails, and they become genuine friends. He hides the fact that he’s psychic at first, but eventually does tell her. He asks her if she’s sure she’s not psychic, because she really seems psychic somehow. She doesn’t think she is, but he theorizes she’s probably not quite normal, at least, and that’s where the connection they’ve felt from the beginning comes from.

Since they’re actually perfect for each other, their friendship grows deeper over the months they spend hanging out. By the time Sasha has to leave, they’ve developed real romantic (in a 14-15 year old way) feelings for each other. They don’t ever really talk about it, but promise to write.

And they do. Sasha’s siblings start referring to the girl he writes to as his girlfriend to tease/annoy him, but eventually it sticks. He stops protesting, although he never confirms whether or not it’s true, and it starts being matter-of-fact to them instead of a joke. On Milla’s side, she still talks about him to her friends like he’s still there, and she gets the penpal-boyfriend teasing, too. It doesn’t really bug her, though. They save up money over a few years to go and visit each other, and talk about their relationship enough to be sort of “official”. It’s rough since they rarely get to see each other in person or even talk on the phone, but they keep going. 

Years pass, and some things change and others don’t. Sasha mother dies when he’s in his late teens, and he and his dad start having bigger and bigger issues between them in the wake of greiving. He leaves home as soon as he’s sure his younger siblings will be fine without him around. Out and about in the world, he gets recruited into the Psychonauts within the next few years (the specifics of this don’t matter too much for this AU). Milla goes on to work in her orphanage, the thing she’s most passionate about. They still keep close in touch, and get to see each other a more often now that they’re grown up and Sasha has better access to international travel. They finally decide “okay yes, we really are actually dating” even though it’s still long distance. Sasha’s colleagues 100% do not believe his story about having a beautiful long-distance girlfriend in Brazil, because that would sound fake af even if wasn’t coming from the very serious, not-romantic-at-all Sasha. Even his picture of them together does not convince them.

Then, the thing happens. Milla’s orphanage burns down, and her psychic powers finally fully awaken. Because of her knowledge of psychics, she realizes what’s happening, but it’s still a horrifically traumatic event. Sasha takes a leave period to come and help her, finds that it’s even more serious than he’d expected, and puts her in touch with the Psychonauts directly for some better assistance. He’s too close to her to do more than an initial check-up himself. 

They find Milla has a lot of potential and extend an offer to join the intern program (which at that time spans a larger age range than later on). She rejects the offer at first, tries to go back to her life, but later decides she needs to make a complete change and accepts. Sasha’s colleagues are shocked to find out she is indeed real. She graduates first out of her class, as one of the best levitators the organization has ever seen. Technically, she and Sasha aren’t supposed to be romantically involved as agents, but the Psychonauts have always been pretty loosey-goosey about that rule (given the history of its founders). 

So that was a novel in length. It’s not necessarily that interesting in this form, but there’s the AU. I think the interest would be the specifics of how their relationship would play out as a story, if they met young enough and under the right circumstances to not to get stuck in the hang-ups their relationship has in canon. If you read this far, tell me what you think! Thoughts, feelings, emotional outbursts?