#i know i have issues now but when everything in my life like legitimately gets better i’m not gonna realize how many issues i got going on

[lilgynt]

driving home crying wondering if my mom will notice and thinking about how she’s part of the reason i’m crying she’s not even home and i just realized she texted me in the morning to clean up the dog pee when i mentioned not liking my job i’m gonna french kiss a riffle

[kitorin]

"I need you to be completely honest with me right now."

"What's wrong, Rin?" Another page turns, your eyes remain glued to the novel, head resting on his thighs as his fingers occasionally poke your cheek.

"Am I ugly?"

The question makes you choke on your spit; Itoshi Rin, the very man who had you infatuated at first glance with his prominent eye lashes and his wintry gaze, just asked if he was hideous.

"Who the hell said that?" The surprise makes you sit up, and Rin barely dodges collision with your head. It's common knowledge that he couldn't care less about his appearance, skin and hair care were simply for hygiene, which was all that mattered to him. There's anger heating up at the thought of someone breaking his indifference, and it reveals itself through your speech

"No one, Yukimiya's photographer came for a photo shoot. Everything went well until I noticed the lines on my face."

"Lines?"

He nods "They weren't there before." His fingers ghost over an area near his cheeks. "Apparently they're not supposed to be there." Rin reaches into his pocket, unlocking it and showing you a photo.

It's a photo of him, Hiori and Yukimiya, the three of them grinning whilst being covered in designer brands. Nothing seemed wrong, it's an adorable photo; revealing Rin's typically concealed dimples, eyes squinting with joy, the kind of smile he uses when he's genuinely happy, instead of the polite and subtle one he gives to interviewers.

"I don't see an issue."

"Here." He zooms into his face. "Those things." His lithe fingers point towards the area between the sides of his nose and the corners of his mouth. Smile lines.

"Fans said they shouldn't be there. So, am I ugly now?"

There's a legitimate confusion laced with his tone, and you silently thank how he decided to talk about it with you before believing in whatever comments were left on Instagram.

"First, whatever fans say have no credibility, they're just people on the internet. Second." You climb into his lap again, cupping his cheeks and once again getting lost in the depths of his beryl irises. "Those are called smile lines. You're not ugly for having them, and never will be." His aquamarine eyes gaze back, as you brush a strand of hair out of his face.

"Even if they weren't there before?"

"Of course. They're a sign you're living a life filled with joy and happiness. And that is more beautiful than any beauty standard out there, and so are you." Your thumbs trace the creases, the entirety of your palms can feel the warmth of his cheeks, savouring how the softness contrasts the callousness of your hands. "You're beautiful, you always have been and always will be. Don't listen to anyone who says otherwise."

Your lips plant a kiss on his forehead, and you soon return to admiring every crevice of his face. From the viridescent azure irises and the eyelashes which adorn them, how surprisingly soft and squishy his cheeks are (of course only you'll ever know that).

"Thank you for putting them there then."

"Hm?"

"I never had reasons to smile. Not until I met you."

Anyone can tell Itoshi Rin seldom expresses emotion, let alone joy; but you had always assumed he kept it to himself rather than believe nothing was worth his jubilation.

His hands reach for yours, fingers ghosting over them. "Thank you for brightening my life, for being the reason why I'm able to live so happily." Gently, his hand pries one of yours off his face, placing a kiss on it. "I love you."

Rin smiles; it's soft, exposing his dimples and smile lines, cheeks matching his lips in colour. You're pretty sure you're just as flushed.

A quick peck to his lips (he still tastes like the persimmon haichuu you were eating together earlier) and you swear he somehow grows redder. "Does this mean I'm allowed to have the last ice cream?"

"You're supposed to say it back dumbass. And fuck no, that's mine." Despite his callous language he picks you up into a cradle carry, placing you down besides him, soon making his way to the front door. "What flavours do you want? And what kind and which brand?"

"Awww, I love you too, I want the vanilla and melon soft serve by the way."

Rin scoffs. "Of course you only say it back when I'm doing you a favour." But he's pocketing his wallet, and about to unlock the door to leave. "You're annoying."

"Yet you still love me."

"Are you sure? Because I'm buying every flavour of yukimidaifuku and you're not getting any. Milky candy too." You don't miss the smirk on his face at the sight of your disbelief.

"I hate you."

"Love you too darlin'."

[In the end "you're not getting any" was a lie]

Tagging: @yuzurins

[atalana]

second thing from the book of bill i wanna overanalyse! ford's journal entry right before he sent that postcard to stan (written out for ease of reading)

CONS: 1) S is an overgrown child with none of my rigorous mental training. Who knows what could happen if Cipher stepped inside Stanley's mind for even one minute... 2) What if Stanley somehow manages to destroy the portal like he destroyed my perpetual motion machine? I suppose that machine did work in it's own way... It kept me perpetually angry for thirty years! [Coded message: Have I been too harsh all along?] 3) What if he tries to rope me into his latest get-rich-quick scheme? His latest commercial was for "Stan Sauce: The Miracle Sauce that's too cool for the FDA!" 4) What if... he mocks me? What if he sees that I abandoned our family to become a recluse on the brink of madness? Could I risk admitting that I was... wrong? PROS: I have no one else.

like okay, to take this point by point

1) i keep comparing this one with "you would have seen him for the scam artist he is" in the finale. it took ford that long to come around on the idea that stan actually does have areas where he's the smarter twin. the idea that stan could be better equipped than ford to handle bill is something that never occurred to him, ford was just focused on "only the most intelligent person could beat bill and i can't so what hope does stanley have??". which is exactly how bill suckered him in the first place

2) it took me a few rereads on this one to realise what it was ford was actually afraid of? like, yes, he wants to shut down the portal, he doesn't want bill to use it. but just like with his journals, he's terrified of the idea of the portal being destroyed. it doesn't matter that it was furthering bill's plans, or that leaving all of these things intact just increases the chance of them being used for harm in the future - that's his life's work! it's his ticket to being recognised by the whole world for how great he is!

ford you are full on "fairytale king can't let go of his fortune even when it dooms the world" here. you can blame other people all you like, but the reason you got sucked through the portal (starting the chain that would eventually cause the apocalypse), is that the portal was still fully functional. like! you could have stopped all of this by just taking the portal apart. but you would never be able to rebuild it, because it was a joint effort between you bill and mcgucket, and neither one of them will ever help you again. you got addicted to the idea of the glory you would get for this, and your self esteem is rapidly dwindling the more you realise how wrong you were, so as far as you're concerned, this is all you've got. and just like your dreams of going to that college, you're scared stan will take it away from you

2.5) the fact that "have i been too harsh all along" is the part in code. because even while you're considering it, you don't want to acknowledge it. of everything you wrote here, that's the part you're ashamed of, and so you're hiding it where no one could possibly read it.

3) this is just an excuse to rag on stanley and feel better about yourself. do not pretend for even a moment like this is a genuine worry. what could stan possibly do to rope you into a scheme that would be worse than the situation you've already cooked up for yourself? it's not like you have a problem saying no to him

4) there's the meat of the issue! the shame is back! it's been motivating you your entire life, it sure ain't stopping now you've got something to legitimately be ashamed of!

but this is also the most clearheaded and honest about the whole situation we've seen ford be. it really does feel like a tipping point where it could have gone one way or the other - if the portal hadn't split them up again for another thirty years, it's possible stan might have been able to get through to him here. it wouldn't have been easy, but there was a chance

and then god that last line hits so hard, i had to stop for a moment when reading and just let that one sit with me. like you have a whole page of reasons why you don't want to involve stan in this, and you could probably come up with several more if someone asked you to. but at the end of the day, none of those objections actually matter. you know they're superficial, compared to that massive glaring truth - you have dug a hole for yourself so deep there's no way to get out of it on your own, you've pushed away absolutely everyone who could try and help you, and there's only one person who's stubborn enough and loves you enough to come anyway

[ziipzeepzop-eez]

if you still do them, is it okay you do like one shots with ROTTMNT boys and a little sibling reader?

but here’s the thing, the reader is a little pink gecko with yellow spots, they’re around 10 or 9 years old and can run just as fast as sonic the hedgehog and basically have the energy of a golden retriever, they’re like a tiny dragon and it’s adorable yet SO. FREAKING. EXHAUSTING!!

❝ pink bubbles and banana laffy taffy!! ❞

₊˚꒰🥞꒱‧ — 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐱 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠!𝐠𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐨!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

｡˚ 𓂋 🍋﹒✦﹒✿ ˚

❝l ɑׁׅ֮/ꪀׁׅ : okay i had to squeeze this one out because OHMIGOSH it is SO. CUTE!!!! i literally got soso excited when i read this because how did you know i'm legitimately obsessed with geckos?! 😭 i literally downloaded picsart to make that collage and wrote this in the span of a day or two because i got so excited aausghshdh !! fluffybun24, fluffy, darlin'. grips your shoulders and brushes your cheek tenderly. thank you. also, i'm just now realizing you asked for one shots after the fact ajsjjhd I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T REALIZE UNTIL AFTER RE-READING IT after writing this whole thing out XD DX but foremost, i must tell you that i mostly do my fandom writing in headcanon/reaction formats !! :(( one shot(s) aren't really my forte . . . albeit, i do hope this is just as good !! o7

(honorable mention: @agentturtlecupcake *HARSHLY NUDGES YOU* HEY. HEY LOOK. LOOKLOOKLOOOKLOKKOKLOKOOOKKLLOOOOOOOK. IT'S the, k-KID-🩷💛)

˙🍋 ̟ !! ─ oh my goodness me, you are the simultaneous love and light, the bane and exhaustion, of everyone's respective lives.

don't get me wrong, your family absolutely adores you!!

especially since you're :(( the baby :(( aww :(((

it just, kinda freaks everyone thafuq OUT when you zip and zoom and flash everywhere

just. a maniacal streak of pink and yellow.

they don't know peace because of you. (affectionate!)

like they will be mindin' their whole business in its entirety and here you come

"*walks into the main living room* heeeeeyy, anybody seen my jupiter jim issue— [*nyooom!*] SWEET MOTHER OF G O D–"

it's not like you ever have ill intentions, tho 🥹 so it's okay.

"they're cute so it's okay!" — all of your siblings at one point, probably

while they do accept your golden retriever tendencies, it be givin' them gray hairs fr 💀✋

especially because you're so f a s t

you're there one moment then next thing they know you're halfway across the entire lair, tittering and chirping happily away.

˙🍋 ̟ !! ─ so, over the course of your life, they've all developed their own designated role when keeping up with you:

raph . . .

being the oldest definitely feels the most responsible for you and acts on it! he himself has developed a sixth sense for when you zoom by and can catch you with (relative) ease every time, and has definitely saved your butt from like. accidentally crashing into a wall or smth sjsjsj

but big bubba can't prevent everything :\ so you have gotten some owies !!

but you can always count on him to be there to help you feel better.

he's your biggest bro 🥹 he always makes you feel better.

but i imagine u're also a maniacal little shit (*cough* thanks leo *COUGH*)

so sometimes you just, str8 up run away from him like ACTIVELY escape his grasp

it deffo takes some effort 😮‍💨 (petition : #saveraphfromhissiblings /lh)

"[NAME]?! Get back here, you little speed monster!!"

*cue toiny baby gecko squealing and The Daily Chase commencement*

oh yeah. it's a daily occurrence.

you stress him out 🤣😭 but it's okay. :))

(after catching you in his hands, holding you up to eye level): "Alright, you little goober. That's enough outta ya today." "But Raaaaph!!"

and then you can't really do anything because raph knows your sweet spot, your little switch, that melts you like putty - a little patch riiiight in the center of your upper back, a well-pressurized scritch is all it takes really, and oh. there we go. down for a nap !

however you simply must have your grand rebellion moments and give him arm gummy bites the entire time but he's the just personification of "😇😌"

ain't no doubting he loves you tho. adores you, really; your bright bubbliness is what makes him smile most days, and even tho your energy is a bit much for him to keep up with, and he'd really like it if you stopped fighting him for afternoon naps sometimes, i don't think he'd change it for the world.

leo . . .

is one who's fairly on par with your hyperactivity, so he's the one we all turn to when your excitement is bubbling over into something a liiiiittle too much :'))

playing tag when you're zooming to and fro is one of you guys' favorites.

but sometimes he doesn't play fair and uses his odachi to teleport >:((

and if you get genuinely upset, he just scoops you up and blows raspberries on your soft lil tummy.

he's the only one who can wear you out so he's an essential part of everyone's lives asksksjd

but bc of this

HE PROBABLY USES YOU AS COLLATERAL TO GET THINGS HE WANTS I'M NOT EVEN PLAYIN

"LEO!!! Ugghhghhh, can you please handle them?!"

"Mmmhmmmmmmm....."

"L E O ಠಗಠ! For the last time, you are NOT choosing for movie night tonight and the kind of pizza!! You've had it all week!!!"

"Ohh, suddenly I have no capability for one very specific baby cotton candy-banana pudding gecko..... Shame. Woeful, horrible, terrible, shame—"

"LEO!!!"

he's a jerk, but he's highkey your idol and he would give the entire world for you in a heartbeat, so :))

donnie . . .

acts like your hyperactivity is an inconvenience...... but in reality, he doesn't mind it.

(only when it compromises his tech. you've only had one to two incidents involving his lab before permanent damage control was done and it's been this way ever since. 😭✋)

sure, sometimes your wild nature can make him cringe on bad days, but what's a sibling if they don't get tired of your antics once every while?

it's healthy development !!

plus. he himself has his moments where his lowkey descent into madness shows its peak, so he can't really talk.

you've all got your quirks, y'know? (/ref)

in truth he accepts it as a part of you, and he loves all of you - i mean c'mon, you're his baby sibling.

and even tho he doesn't openly admit it nearly as much as the rest of your family - he really does think you're adorable.

and in more truth: donnie takes care of you a lot. like- as soon as you started showing signs of your speediness and just-consumed-five-bags-of-candy excitement levels, he completely baby proofed the lair 😭

and you can't tell me he didn't know you'd possess those superhuman levels of speed bro you CAN'T

that man is a scientist and he leaves no stone unturned, especially when it comes to his family.

he has you microchipped too sjjsjdh

[ i just thought of this just now, actually: he and leo are a team when it comes down to your genetics/biological health. donnie researches with his stem-augmented brain and studies your dna down to the very microfiber; leo adapts with his medical affinities to make sure you're the healthiest little gecko mutant kiddo you can be. <3 ]

WE MAY HAVE MADE FUN OF HIM AT THE MOMENT, because how much harm can one baby gecko do Donnie you silly fool honhonhonhon BUT HE'S THE ONLY 👏 ONE 👏 WHO CAME IN CLUTCH.

very much "who's laughing now?"

certainly donnie. my bet's on donnie.

"THEY ALL LAUGHED. THEY CALLED ME A SILLY FOOL. BUT FEAST YOUR EYES, BRETHREN. EATETH THY WORDS!!" "..... Raphie! Bonbon's doin' that crazy scientist shtick again!!" "[NAME]. >:("

on another note, i feel donnie would extend that branch of 'baby-proofing' and relate it to the gift he created for you. [ ref: s1/ep2 — "donnie's gifts" ]

maybe it was something like . . . a malleable sludge, some sort of putty, that melded perfectly over your legs whenever you were starting to get too speedy.

you were initially excited over the cute little metal band anklets gifted to you by your older brother, buuut once it activated .... :((

it made you big sads. :((

being a little speedykins was your most defining trait !! why would donbon try to take that away from you?? :(( donnie :((( donbon why :(((

.... what you don't know, (and me either tbh, we never got that 'explanation' from the inventor himself), is that donnie made it with your specs in mind.

geckos are able to climb vertical surfaces (with some exceptions of course, but for the most part !!) — when activated, those little "putty bands" would've aided in that.

because donnie knows how much you love to run around, especially climbing up the walls, but you can't stick up there forever.

was it made to simultaneously slow your ass down? yes. 🤣😭

(he's only one man what do you want from the poor guy ☠✋ your drive by's were enough to send him into cardiac arrest every time)

...... was it made to adhere to nearly any and every surface texture known to man & mutant kind? for an unprecedented amount of time? with the intentions of you having so much fun with it? also yes.

was it made with intricate care and with, overall, your best interests at heart?

yes.

but after the whole ordeal, he really did mean it when he says you're great just the way you are. :))

in your calmer moments, he likes to have you wrap around his shoulders like a fashion designer scarf and taps at your cute little tail, half as a stim, half as a gesture of affection, while he's in the lab focusing on his latest project

or even just. vibing. y'all are primetime vibey.

he finds your weight comforting. like a tiny weighted pillow.

and he'll never admit that he feels his heart nearly burst with love and pure fondness when you yourself happily curl up into your brother and fall asleep there, cooing softly into his ear.

he built a little comfort bed/pillow extension for you in his battle shell for such occasions <3

but he prefers the sibling cuddles without his shell on.

he trusts you, after all.

(i will never financially recover from this aksjddh SOBBING)

mikey . . .

is exceptionally good at matching all of your moods: your bubbly hyperactivity and bringing you to a calmer, serene state !!

how does he do it. 🧍

he catches you in his arms and strokes/scratches your back to calm you down, and it works like a charm every time !

he never has to use dr. delicate touch on you. despite being the closest in age, surprisingly, you listen to mikey very well !

call it survivor's intuition 🫠 orrrr just the fact that you and mikey are very close and in-tune with one another,

whenever he calls it quits for you - no matter how much you might whine and pout - you genuinely do tone it down.

i know i said this for leo too but i feel like mikey just has that magic touch. yenno?

no pun intended. ha.

but en ee wayz !! yusssss, mikey and [name] are the cutest little goobers.

y'all deffo get roped together being the "babies" of the family,

and despite mikey wanting to outfit that mold — mostly by means of appeasing to raph's overprotective tendencies — he babies you a bit too !!

you like to poke fun. you're observant, clever little thing. you call mikey out on it, going so far as to call him a hypocrite,

and whether you guys have a serious discussion or not is completely up to you !

but for the time being he just pets your head and affectionately tells you to hush, and keeps right on babying you.

he likes being your older brother !! so sue him !!

dynamics change the older you guys get =] so who knows what the future has in store?

you're one of his favorite muses. your color palette never fails to strike inspiration within him 🎨✨

when he catches your pink n' yellow blur in passing, he can come up with an entire idea for murals to tag around, don't play w him

he likes to do body paint on you too !! :))

(completely safe + free of harmful chemicals wbk)

probably makes flowers out of your polka dots (he definitely calls them that) or connects them to make a bigger picture.

he made an entire field of flowers and koi fish pond encompassing your back one time and you absolutely loved it.

you'll always be his little muse 💔

"[Nameeee]!!~ C'mere, polka dot! You wanna see if I can make a constellation this time?" "YAY!!!!" "Wait- waitwaitWAITWAIT SLOW DOWN—" [ *cue wii bowling ball strike sound sequence* ]

˙🍋 ̟ !! ─ ahaaa. overall, you're their cute little ball of sunshine. their little sugar carnival. their little pink bubblegum and banana laffy taffy gecko baby! and — while you being.... you, can get just shy of unbearable sometimes, they wouldn't trade you for this world and all the others.

after all, what's a family if you don't accept every part of them? no matter how exhausting it is. <3 you're a handful, but that's why you've got six pairs. and as the years go on, it only grows.

@chachachannah + @sweetparty for the dividers 🩷 @cureqt for the cute emoji combo 💛 & pinterest for the pictures! [the collage is by me!!] 🥰

⟆ ˙🍋 ̟ !! ─ further author notes . . .

™ : as always, susceptible to future editing for grammatical/formatting corrections !!

i absolutely loveddd writing this!! and for the intricacy, this is the quickest i've ever pulled a request-bun fresh from the oven!! :o kudos to you, fluffy! <3 i do hope you like this as much as i did aaaa!! now i've got polka dot gecko sibling brainrot. 🥴 it's true: you never know it's a good idea until it's presented to you !!

a couple of fun facts: "sugar carnival" is a term coined by me, in reference to one of my free verse poems a while back! i, also, consider myself a sugar carnival being at most times ˶ᵔᗜ ᵔ˶ & i came up with the title on the spot after hearing + envisioning "pink gecko with yellow spots". ideal color combo, criminally underrated. fluffy your brain deserves a pedestal and i will personally create it for you with my bare hands.✋🩷💛

╰┈➤ tues. jan 23, 9:18 pm, '24.

[crooked-wasteland]

i feel like that clip gets worse the more i think about it. like;

1. why does charlie treat baxter like a replacement for sir pentious? why is she treating one of the only patrons she had a connection to (at least a hell of a lot more of a connection then she has with angel,) as if hes easily replaceable? like, i know its supposed to be funny because they roughly fit the same trope of "wacky evil guy who makes evil stuff", and it IS funny.. when i dont actually think of the implication of how charlie is treating sir pentious in memory through the way she talks about him after he was killed right in front of her. its like they thought about how funny the joke would be before they thought about charlie and sir pentious's relationship in s1, and just went with that so they wouldn't have to write charlie acting any different. which sucks, because charlie legitimately mourning him would be a GREAT conflict for the main character to have in s2. tbh they still might do that so they can have their cake and eat it too, but i dont know if itll feel sincere after that scene with her and baxter.

2. does she know sir pentious is alive in heaven? how could she know? nothing about the way she speaks in the clip makes me think so, but at least if she knew he was actually okay and redeemed, you'd resolve the issue of her trying to replace some guy who died defending HER hotel with his life, and the issue of her having no reason to redeem sinners after learning heaven is corrupt and seemingly wont let in even the sinners in that deserve redemption. because replacing someone in a cast whos technically still living in heaven isnt nearly as bad, and his existence alone would probably be proof enough alone to motivate charlie to keep trying to redeem sinners, which would be especially satisfying after her faith in heaven would understandably be broken after the trial and the extermination coming right to her hotels front door. so knowing that, this is probably whats NOT going to happen

3. why is she specifically even trying to replace sir pentious anyway? is it a coping mechanism after her loss of him? its obviously comedic so we're not supposed to take it seriously, which means the writers probably wanted to make a joke about how obviously baxter is going to be the replacement for sir pentious's role at the hotel, god i wish we had seen them interact together at a voxtech con in a competition like in vivs old post pilot series pitch in 2019 but i'd argue its a joke at the expense of charlies character development. the way she acts in that clip is something i'd expect from s1 charlie, but not s2 after everything that happened to her.

i think s1 had the issue in general of making things funny or fun over making them make sense for the characters in context, so its not surprising to see that issue happen again. it's just slightly more infuriating when you remember hazbin was supposed to be the serious show compared to helluva, but now hazbin has way too many mean spirited or dumb jokes at the expense of its own characters youre supposed to automatically care about, just for comedys sake, and helluva became the soap drama nobody asked for.

Absolutely! I side stepped my own opinions as I genuinely wanted to see what others had to say, and @tommycorriander pretty much hit that nail on the head for my interpretation of the narrative. The biggest issue is how the first season elected to prioritize things happening over their characters and their relationships. We never actually see the cast grow close over the season, we are simply told that's what happened.

But by mixing together Pentious and Baxter, my first inclination was that, yes, outside of superficial characteristics, Charlie cannot connect to sinners. They are all the same to her, and based on her character being so broad and general in her appraisal of Sinners, it definitely feels like she doesn't see them as individuals.

And the travesty is that if the show actually went in that direction, I would eagerly welcome it. I would love to see some self-awareness from the writers and a character with a legitimate flaw of personality; not just "she made a mistake, but her heart is in the right place" contrivances that have riddled all of Medrano's work. I would love to see that story of Charlie being forced to change as a person, and I would probably love Charlie as a character as well if the show went this route. Instead, good characters just do bad things but with good intentions. Instead of good people actually being complicated creatures with some genuine flaws of character that they are always working to mitigate and be better.

Characters who are working to be good people feel like good people. Those that just act good with no effort feel conniving or disconnected and apathetic. They feel fake and vapid. Having it be a genuine effort would do so much in giving Charlie some ounce of depth.

[thatguywhofedme]

Bit of a change if pace since here comes a cow 🐄🐮

I've been into feedism for as long as I've had a sex drive so this kink is an absolutely massive turn on for me, arguably never had a fulfilling sexual interaction or m@sturbation without something at least tangentially related to fat.

Becoming a massive mattress of pudge and lard always sounded hot in theory but the reality of it seemed so scary. But nie I've been fantasizing more and more about my legs being too fat to lift, my boobs being so swollen and engorged they make breathing a workout, a double sweat wide dimpled butt that makes doors a hazard to get stuck on

I have no idea why now, but being fed to death started sounding, loving and comforting like any other bdsm activity.

Is there anything that makes death feedism specifically your thing or could you elaborate on what exactly you find hot? 😈🥰

Also P.S.

I'd really like to dm you and talk to you cause you legitimately seem like a good, loving and caring partner and person and not some run of the mill weirdo that I found on dating apps 💜💜💘

Omg thank you for the ask, it's nice to have a cow instead of a piggy 🐮

I understand what you mean, I also have a good sex drive which can really be put to good use when I got some fat to play with or at least some fat/feedism talk to put me in the mood 🔥❤️

I love the way you describe how fat you want to become, especially the words "massive mattress of pudge and lard" is such a turn on and I understand it would be scary in reality to become this obese, but with someone by your side who knows what they're doing and truly takes care of you, it can be a lot easier and enjoyable for you 😊

I understand how you feel, feeding someone to death can be scary, but also really intimate

To answer your question, what got me into death feedism are multiple aspects, for example, I've always been someone who loves to care for the people important in my life, caring for someone who has no limits and wants to grow as fat and obese as possible with no end in sight, no matter how massively obese they get fits right in with my personality, I want to make sure that my partner will always be loved and cared for no matter what, whether it's at 600lbs or completely immobile, I want their life to be as enjoyable for them as possible and to be happy until the end 🩷

Everything about death feedism turns me on, whether we're talking about the health issues (struggle to breath and waddle, equipment used to help make your life easier like oxygen cannulas and mobility scooters), the share size your body could become with all this fat and lard enveloping you and the gigantic portions I would have to feed you just to keep you satisfied are one of multiple turn ons when it comes to death feedism 😈💕

I would also love to dm you, your ask was such a delight and from what I've just read, you seem like a genuinely wonderful person and loving partner as well ❤️

And believe me, you're not the only one who's had bad experiences on dating apps, I got loads of stories to tell on the subject lol but please, feel free to dm me, I would love to get and know you 🥰

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita/wibta for NOT breaking up with my bf ?

i'm not sure if the title is phrased weirdly, bare with me. my bf and i are both 18, he is cis M & i am FTM (relevant).

My bf and i are both currently in first year uni, both living at home due to high cost of living in our country (also everywhere else lol). We met about halfway through highschool, and were friends for a while before getting together. we are coming up on two years together in a couple months, and have not really had any major bumps in our relationship. we see eachother i would say 1-2x per week, with both of us living at home and being broke it gets a little challenging sometimes but we call most nights and generally we make it work. Also worth noting that I am my bf's first everything, down to his first kiss, while he is not really this for me. this is the longest relationship i have been in (probably because i'm 18 lol), but not at all the first. however, the only "serious" relationship i have had outside of of him, aside from just casual stuff, was very abusive & toxic, so i do sort of see us on equal footing as neither of us has ever been in a normal, functional relationship before.

Now, the issue: while we are both currently living at home, i see this as a very temporary arrangement and something i am counting down the days until i can get out of. while living with my family is not abusive or anything, it is just very straining as i am not very close with them, and also cannot transition while living at home. as previously mentioned i am ftm, and while my mom is tolerant it would just put even more stress on the relationship if i were to start changing physically while living at home or even asking her to use different pronouns for me and is just something i prefer to leave until i'm not 100% reliant on her. that being said my dysphoria causes me very intense depression and without getting too detailed, i don't know how much longer i can take living here and putting off any sort of meaningful transition outside of close/online friends calling me he.

my bf, however, plans to live at home at least until he graduates, which is six years away. i understand that this is a very normal thing, especially culturally (he is middle eastern + muslim, i am white + agnostic), but the issue is that his mother is, among many other things, extremely homophobic. she already hates me for reasons i'm not really sure of (my bf refuses to go into detail, i think to protect me, but i have seen extremely graphic and nasty texts about me by name on his phone and have been told by him that he doesn't even mention me around the house or else she gets extremely upset, though she is always extremely nice to me the few times we have interacted), but anyways, me transitioning while he is still living at home would be essentially putting him in legitimate danger.

my bf does not like to think about this, which i understand. it's hard enough dealing with what i get from my family, and that is absolutely nothing compared to the fact that everyone he knows from his culture/religion beleives he should be dead just because he is gay (i know, as does he, that there are queer muslims. but they do not exist openly in his personal community). but the problem is that anytime i adress to him that the idea of waiting until we are in our mid-twenties for me to even think about transitioning is a really big issue for me he basically refuses to talk about it and just says that "it will work out". on top of the transitioning thing i just generally don't want to be twenty-five (the age he has told me is when he plans to move out) and still having to cancel dates last minute because my boyfriend's mom was in a bad mood and decided he's not allowed to go out tonight. i know this is how life is for many people and they learn to deal with it! and i respect them very much! but it is genuinely my nightmare. i understand why he cannot/does not want to cut himself off from his family, especially since his dad lives overseas and is extremely wealthy so therefore paying his entire tuition out of pocket. i'm just saying it's not a lifestyle that meshes well with my future plans.

this is where the asshole part comes in: my bf genuinely thinks that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together. this started with small comments, things like alluding to the idea of our potential future kids (i love kids and raising my own is genuinely my end goal in life, something he knows just because i am very open about it), or talking about our future apartment/house, but now is basically just a constant conversation in our relationship. i try not to feed into it, but i also feel badly responding to his sweet comment when i point out a house i like on the street about how we'll buy it one day with something about how i don't ever see that happening. i generally just respond neutrally, but i will admit i get caught up in the fantasy sometimes and contribute to it as well.

he is such a lovely guy with a beautiful heart and i do really adore him, and it's not a situation where i don't want to spend the rest of my life with him. to be honest, that's the dream. i love him with everything i have and i would literally do anything for him. the problem is just that when he talks about this future together all i can picture is all the million ways our relationship is doomed to implode.

but we are happy right now, because me moving out of my family home is not something that is going to be possible for another 1-2 years, so none of those issues are something that are going to come up right now. i just forsee them being pretty much impossible obstacles between us and spending the rest of our lives together down the line. but i have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that even though i want more than anything to be with him forever, the fact that i don't remotely beleive it's something that will actually work out still constitutes as leading him on.

so, am i the asshole for staying with him, because we are happy right now and these issues are not going to be relevant for another 1-2 years, and a solution might somehow present itself in that time? or is the right thing to do to just leave now, and rip off the bandaid?

What are these acronyms?

[gffa]

The thing I really miss about Star Wars novels is exemplified by being two-thirds of the way through Inquisitor: Rise of the Red Blade and how I think I'm legitimately enjoying it, but in a very specific way, and I think there's actually a ton you could dig into the structure and bias of the narrator that I think is done on purpose and that I can find sympathy for a character actively falling to the dark side and what she's going through without validating the people she's demonizing in her head because I've been there, I have had my brain lying to me all my life, telling me things I know aren't true, making me believe them despite all evidence otherwise, and do you guys KNOW how much I love hot messes of a disaster lady? I fucking love a woman who is just an awful mess and doesn't have to actually be perfect or nice and maybe just once or twice says a kind of catty thing, NO, SHE IS A WHOLE ASS MESS and I LOVE HER!! But also I'm kind of in the position of how I'm tired of getting stories of characters falling to the dark side being the vast majority of what stories explore with the Jedi, I enjoy them, but not when that's all there is, and I have spent YEARS AND YEARS going back and forth with the discussions about the Jedi and I am so tired of it, I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE. I just want to write my commentary and thoughts down in the vein that I have them and have that be it. I want to say, "This is a really glorious unreliable narrator here, because everything she says is contradicted by what the Jedi actually say/do, and she is explicitly a character designed with neurodivergent/mental health issues aspects in mind and you can't divorce that from her character." and like I don't even want to discuss with other Jedi fans about what the author may or may not have said (I read one interview from her at the beginning, enjoyed it fine, and AM NOT INTERESTED in knowing or hearing anything further) or how annoying it is to have a book like this, I JUST WANT TO DIG INTO A STORY and not have to worry about bracing myself for combat. (And also the thorny issue of how this isn't precisely a recommendation because I'm not sure others would enjoy it, like even if you agreed with me, I'm not sure it'd be something in your wheelhouse, but I don't want to even get into that, it feels exhausting, like, just I want to talk about how I'm enjoying it, but not have to articulate why I think others possibly wouldn't, just leave it at "nah, I don't think you'd enjoy it".) I know this is some IRL stuff spilling over onto my reading of this book and I'm aware of the state of a lot of creators in SW right now hold opinions that have made me stop reading their works because I am no longer interested in anything they have to contribute, but also like. Sometimes I just want to enjoy a book on my own terms and not have to feel like I'm arguing a case, but instead reveling in the glorious hot mess of a central female character that maybe I relate to and have sympathy for even while recognizing that she is painting a very unreliable portrait within the book, because I Have Been There. Idk, I'm not saying this very well, and a lot of it is outside factors, but I have this giant tangled ball of "I just want to enjoy something for once, not examine why it might actually be doing my Blorbos all wrong", like aren't we supposed to be in fandom for the enjoyment of things, not to constantly argue with people? /tired and hasn't been sleeping well and has been thinking about this instead of wrenching irl stuff

[jalwyn21]

“Like I said, I'm just trying to be a Joe Alwyn (and The Last Kingdom) fangirl in peace. But ts is on a mission to destroy his life, his career and his reputation. And her fans are harassing Joe and Joe's fans. So, this is defensive more than anything else.”

To quote her…”I love you. (but) It’s ruining my life.” I don’t want to hate her. I loved her music for a long time. And I felt horrible for her (and Joe) when it ended. But it lasted exactly 11 days before she started pulling shit. I don’t know where it came from, but my empathy for Joe is overwhelming. I love everything he stands for, how respectful he and his family and friends were for all those years, the way people know him talk about him, the way she wrote about him, and his very English way of being. The punching down that she has been doing and will continue to do when she knows he wants to live outside the spotlight and is probably a big reason why they split makes me ILL for him.

I think we all know that she is not okay - her drinking, her moving from one man to the next, this PR created nightmare of a “relationship” she is currently in that is legitimately the opposite of everything she had with Joe, her behaviour that makes it very clear that she believes she could shoot someone in the middle of 5th Avenue (to quote the god awful orange man) and get away with it, that she is so incredibly online (see the jet issue using Insta comments in the lawsuit and all her time on TikTok) and knows her ex is being sent death threats and threats of physical violence every day and continues to give her fans red meat. She’s flying within meters of the sun and she doesn’t give a fuck. She’s not okay. But I’m sick that Joe has to be the one to suffer because of it.

This album was always going to be written - this was always the ending for them because it’s clear they are not compatible. But just from the timing of it, she wants the story out NOW. And that’s her right. I just don’t trust her to be thoughtful and introspective of the end and realize her role in the breakdown. The clues are everywhere on how she is going to approach it and I guess I’m just praying for Joe. I hope everybody in his life that loves him protects him wholly. He is going to need it because you are right - she is out to ruin his life, his career and his reputation.

Joe has a loving family and extremely loyal friends. He is well loved.

And, like I already said, I have NO sympathy for her. None. After what she did in 2023 and she is about to do in 2024? I hope that Karma she believes in, gets her!

If you think that she is not happy.. good! Call it poetic (pun intended) justice . 🤷‍♀️

[5-7-9]

I realize i should probably elaborate on how We Are Robin was inspired by a legitimate movement.

So while researching interviews by We Are Robin’s writer Lee Bermejo, I tried checking for the ones that were straight from his words rather than articles that quoted him. So i almost missed this one article that was worded as though it was not an interview, but CBR quoted from USA Today so it must’ve been. If it weren’t for a DC comics forum that had already read it, i wouldn’t have noticed.

When the series opens, it really doesn't have an identity, Bermejo says, but the group knows its mission statement. "It's one thing to put a hashtag on your Twitter account as a teenager and feel like you're part of something. It's a whole other thing when the (stuff) hits the fan and you have to stand up for what you believe in."

"Just with everything that we've seen happen recently with Ferguson, there's a lot of issues here that I think can be touched on and should be touched on."

"There's that element of this particular moment we're passing right now, and with a book like this you have a chance to comment about certain things and bring them into the Bat-universe in real interesting ways."

As a longtime fan of the Dark Knight and his supporting players, Bermejo admits that he always had a hard time figuring out why Batman would have a teen sidekick and put a kid in danger in the first place - for the writer, that was the beginning of how a series such as We Are Robin could work.

"Maybe there could possibly be many of these kids out there on the streets who have different talents and different capabilities that could be useful to Batman," says Bermejo.

"With ideas and big concepts, teenagers can get really passionate about that stuff and it can be their whole life. That was something interesting to me, that this thing could be bigger than just one guy jumping around in a domino mask."

(Just the first 3/three forum pages, I’m not reading all that 💀) Seems as though Bermejo wanted to make a commentary about Ferguson metaphorically through the Batman mythos. My interpretation of his message: the disenfranchised youth of America that have no one to help them (authority figures like parents and Batman) feel as though they must take justice matters into their own hands. Something Robin originally meant to represent, a child character for other children to project on. Bermejo thought to implement that literally into the story, where Robin is an actual symbol children use. In the case of real life, justice is done by protesting. But in the matters of DC comics, specifically Gotham? Their protesting comes in the form of vigilantism.

In the chapter where the We Are Robin kids try breaking up a random riot that kinda appears out from nowhere?

But when the Robins join in to stop the riot, they were suddenly framed by the Robot Batman cop as the aggressors (being controlled by Jim Gordon as he was temporarily “Batman”). Indiscriminating its force of authority onto the kids as well as the rioters.

This carries into the Riko’s POV chapter. After a WAR member died from a bomb, the television shows Troy’s parents being upset at the We Are Robin movement, claiming it “does more harm than good.”

Troy’s death is probably another comparisons to when 6 Ferguson protesters died. So his death seems to ask the question, is protesting worth it if it gets you killed? Are protesters making the situation of unjust violence worse? Riko answers: “I think… I think he was trying to do what he thought was right.”

If you aren’t aware of the Ferguson unrest, an 18 year old boy (Micheal Brown) was shot by a police officer after being accused of robbery. When nothing came about the police officer in question, many in the black community began protesting for about 400 days for the officer to be reprimanded. The media would often call it riots, with the negative connotations of unnecessary violence. This was apart of the Black Lives Matters movement of anti police brutality.

(here’s one video but i recommend doing your own research because i’m not great at keeping sources)

I’m sure you can see the similarities now. If not… essentially the We Are Robin is an allegory of the Ferguson protests. The vigilante kids are fighting crime, while the Ferguson protesters were the black community fighting injustice.

Robin War actually touches back on this Ferguson inspired media conflict, by having such an interestingly similar story involving a teenaged boy and a robber and a person dying from being shot 🤔

But here’s the twist: a We Are Robin member walks into a convenience store, he intervenes a police officer trying to stop a robbery, then, because this WAR member was a young probably “immature” teenager, accidentally shoots the police officer with his own gun.

Ha. Ha. 😐 Certainly not an insensitive plot to use at all (sarcasm)

(I should remind you all that Robin War was a piece of garbage mostly written by Tom King, and other writers like Tim Seeley and Scott Lobdell. i don't really need to explain everything wrong with these guys right now. Except for the parts Bermajo wrote, those were the best despite the surrounding shitty plot).

There’s also plenty of police imagery. See here an iconic picture of the Ferguson protest as a poster right smack down in the middle of a panel. Just in case you aren’t fully convinced about the Ferguson allegory… 🙃

Smack down in the centre of this panel has a iconic redrawing of a Ferguson protester (Edward Crawford) catching a tear gas canister thrown by the police, and throwing it right back at the riot cops faces 🖕☄️

So yes, We Are Robin was an activist movement.

[callipraxia]

sooooo i read the christmas pages and now i'm crying about it. it could've been a whole episode it could've been a WHOLE EPISODE. WIN!!! but also i'm here to say that my assumptions about ford "not being much of a drinker" until bill cipher was ACTUALLY CORRECT??? SOMEHOW??? also this is making me want to write again. like very much so. guh (let's hope this hype continues!)

Feel you on the wanting to write again; most of what I've written so far has admittedly been short extrapolations on tumblr and I am suddenly full of interest again in the notes I made for another essay last year, so maybe it's triggered my nonfiction era or something like that, but I also wrote like half of a fifth chapter for the 'Unexpected Memoirs' recently.

On the subject of Ford and drinking...I know you put the story with alcoholic!Ford on the back-burner, but it occurred to me last night that there's the potential for some interesting discourse around Ford's role in the show's addiction metaphors now. Admittedly, we have to take Ford's statements about himself with a tiny grain of salt, since he's barely a more reliable narrator than Bill when it gets too close to home, and one could read into the fact that he says he usually "tries to sober", which leaves open the option that he has to 'try' because it's an active effort for him and/or that he's the poster boy for nineties narratives about peer pressure making you make unintelligent decisions - not sure if I read it that way or not, but it would definitely be a legitimate reading. If we take Ford's statements at face value, though, and he really doesn't/didn't drink very often pre-Bill, then an interesting pattern that I assume could mean something still develops: Ford might not drink that often, since I can only recall now three canon instances, but when he does, he apparently cannot handle it at all. And it works even though we already had Fiddleford as the "alcoholic just waiting to happen" in the plot, since they have completely different motives. Ford isn't deliberately blacking out portions of his own life to avoid dealing with them like Fiddleford did, but he does, after all, 'use' Bill to get 'round his problems at first. His loneliness, his lack of social facility ("[he's] given me clever comebacks when I'm insulted"), his professional paralysis after a certain point of his research...issue solved! And he's rather repressed as a rule, trying to live up to his picture of himself he's built up in his head, so it makes sense that if his inhibitions are lowered in the slightest, he just goes a bit nuts with it, takes it too far, not least because Ford takes everything too far no matter how it feels, but also because he's, like...having fun for once. At least at first, anyway. Before we cross the fine line between 'taking it too far' and 'taking it too far" and then everyone ends up miserable and unwell.

Which also reminds me: I forgot about one portion of my original Ford Essay when I said last night that nothing in it had been definitely debunked. I proposed there that Ford may have had some vague approximation of a life in the years before Bill and the Blind Eye came along and messed up first him and then the whole town, but nah, apparently Ford was, indeed, lying through his teeth when he made a point of how happy he was at first in Gravity Falls and how he felt like he'd finally found a place where he fit in. Which also makes sense, since he and Stan are both to an extent putting on a show for the other's benefit in that scene in order to save face, but does make me kind of sad :( I wanted him and Manly Dan to be friendly, dangit. Don't know why, but I apparently was more invested in it than I'd realized, I guess.

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Some replies! I am not at home right now, so I might skip some reply days... but I’ll do my best to still post them every day.

Starting with replies about this comic that tumblr hid from everyone... (I’m mad)

Anonymous asked:

Is Kalim hard or something else?

Yes. Both options. It’s Kalim’s something else...

Anonymous asked:

Pfft- Jamil having to deal with Kalim every time he gets hard cause Kalim just announces it out loud that way Jamil has no choice but to help out.

(/\ Random idea that popped in my head /\)

Yes, exactly! It was so easy when Kalim was too young to get this kind of reaction, but nowadays everything gets him this way. But it’s not his fault, Jamil is just too hot I guess... So he absolutely has to take responsibility!

Anonymous asked:

Silver being stuck with Rook would be so funny, Silver being a natural people pleaser and Rook trying to push his butons more and more would be awesome

It would be such a fun combo, Anon. I feel like Silver is legitimately the only person in NRC who wouldn’t find Rook super creepy immediately. And he really is a people pleaser, plus Lilia’s kid, so he could tolerate a lot of things. What Rook could do to him... it’s scary to imagine lol

unofficialwheatdog asked:

My hubby, you draw Fellow Honest so good... my husband is amazing in your style... pls feed us with more Fellow Honest

Thank you so much! I’m happy you like how he looks <3

I have some sketches of them I’d love to finish someday... It will happen eventually.

Anonymous asked:

Omg I am CRAVING some overblot Riddle getting railed, do you have anything like that? Or with the OB characters? Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who likes that with how little content there is

Not at the moment, but I would love to draw some overblot!Riddle smut! And with the other OB boys... I feel like the closer I get to this kind of stuff is when I draw octopus!Azul, but he isn’t really OB, just a crazy octopus lol

I feel like the issue is that OB designs are pretty convoluted to draw, so for me personally it doesn’t happen very easy and naturally. But I have nothing against it and would love to draw it at some point.

Anonymous asked:

What's your opinion on Cater x Idia and Cater x Malleus?

Replied here and here! <3

Anonymous asked:

i’m not sure if you’re particularly into top x manipulative bottom but food for thought. the beginning of the harveston event with epel manipulating sebek into joining has me personally shipping them tbh. i can see sebek easily giving into someone so cute and defenseless, and it’ll definitely boost his ego. epel meanwhile gets to get fucked by a big buff guy who won’t hold back with enough provoking >:3

Yes, Anon, this is such a fun thing!! Epel has his manipulative little moments, he knows how to play with men’s hearts lol Ah if only there was a strong man out there to help me!, my ass. Epel figured out Sebek’s entire being so easily, he could really do anything if you play into his ego a little bit and make everything seem like it was his idea and that he was a knight that saved your entire life by kindly giving you his helping hand (or his dick).

While we don’t necessarily have a lot of thoughts about these two’s possible interaction, this particular scene was indeed pretty hot.

[falciesystemessays]

Can I make a confession?

I hate thinking about my future.

(I promise this is related to video games.)

It could just be something in my brain.

It could be that, the way school has always led to more school, I'd always felt like my life was being decided for me.

It could be that, as a suicidal trans kid living on a dying rock, I never felt like I had a future.

But I had never in my life considered I would get this far, and at this point I have to grapple with the fact that I'm only getting older.

I need to move out eventually. I need to make a living. And I need to keep myself alive and healthy.

But something in me just hates thinking about that.

Of course, I notice this in the games I play too. I love tactics games like Fire Emblem, but the superficially similar Advance Wars could never grip me. While Fire Emblem gives me all of my chess pieces and makes me use them accordingly, Advance Wars makes me think several turns ahead and choose which units to create. Advance Wars is a much more long-term game, and I can't help but hate that.

I've been thinking for years about the prospect of using games to teach me what I don't know. Surely, if a game can finally make me understand long-term thinking, then I will be fixed. And I hate that framing, "fixed." These issues are very likely caused by ADHD, and the brain is just more complicated than any platitude can solve. But I also know that I do have to start thinking long-term, or I will suffer.

I've always hated brushing my teeth. When I was a kid, I would pretend to brush them to make my mom happy, but I just don't like having to put some stick of goo in my mouth, and even now that I do it regularly it doesn't feel good. I thought things would be okay forever, until I started having dental problems. Any individual day where I don't brush my teeth honestly doesn't make that big of a difference. But these choices in aggregate across years can have disastrous effects.

I started thinking about this as I replayed FTL recently. FTL: Faster Than Light is the first game released by Subset Games. Their second game, Into the Breach, is one of my favorite video games of all time. But crucially, everything I like about Into the Breach was an explicit response to something I didn't like about FTL. FTL has too much randomness, so ITB removes a bunch of randomness. FTL has too much hidden information, so ITB shows you exactly what enemies are going to do next. And in a game of Into the Breach, everything you need to think about is right in front of you. In FTL, you have to think ahead.

There's a few design choices in FTL I chafe against. Upgrading your ship is pretty expensive, and I never know how much it's worth saving up until it's too late. Your ship taking damage is unavoidable, and that damage sticks around between battles. Nearly every action costs some kind of resource that I don't know if I'll get back. It's a game that demands you think about it on a large scale, and after years of trying and failing, I cannot for the life of me figure out how to get good at this game.

Do I just not have the brain for it?

But you know, it's not just lack of understanding that makes me put the short-term first. I've gotten into feuds with my parents about dieting before, as their legitimate concerns about health combined with unchecked fatphobia to leave me feeling like they just wanted control over my body. And while I recognize it's immature, these days I'll often eat something unhealthy on purpose out of spite. Making myself some dumplings, using all the salt and butter I could ever want, feels good, and tastes good too. But it was only today when, at a checkup about hormones, I agreed to weigh myself, and didn't like what I saw.

There are some games that provide delayed gratification. Games like Animal Crossing and Pokemon that use real-world time for game mechanics. In Animal Crossing, it's not enough to simply grow a tree, you have to plant it, and then water it for days. In Pokemon Shining Pearl, you have to wait until Friday to catch a Drifloon. These games treat the passage of time as a game mechanic in itself.

...Or at least, they do in theory. In practice, these games are awash with time travelers, changing the system clock to skip the wait.

I wish I had the answers, but I don't. I don't know how to teach myself this vital skill, and I'm searching still for a game that can help with that. Maybe I'll be the one to make it.

But I guess what I do want to say is that, if you also hate thinking about the future, whether that's in games or in life...

I understand.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hello sex witch

this might be long and ramble a bit but i’ll try to keep it succinct. 

so i’ve always thought that the concept of polyamory and having multiple partners sounded nice in the abstract, i don’t really date a lot so it hasn’t come up but i figured it was sort of a thing that most people would be open to or like the idea of (like me). this was until today when i saw someone objecting to the notion of being in a throuple or polyamorous relationship. i didn’t know that was a thing people did. i just thought we all wanted to date lots of people if given the opportunity. the fact that the other people in the couple were a man and a woman didn’t deter me. i’m now considering the fact that i might not be quite as heterosexual as previously assumed. 

when i considered sexuality before it was always a clear cut “yeah girls because i know i like girls” and also maybe that sex with dick seemed sort of weird, but upon further consideration it might just be that i think all sex is sort of weird. 

and now i’m not sure what to do about this, i don’t think that experimenting with people is right because i would feel so shit about it because they’re people and also the fact that i have some strong anxiety about sex in general. someone seeing my naked body makes me feel a little sick. and also i’ve never had sex so don’t really know how sexual attraction is supposed to feel or what i would do with myself if the occasion (sex) was to arise. i feel sort of similar / the same when thinking about sex with both men and women. 

i’m unsure if it’s all a desire for close male friendship or if i might be a little gay. 

tldr i might be polyamorous and attracted to men after a good 19 years of staunchly Not Thinking About It. would appreciate advice or help. 

i guess this isn’t as much a question as more of a asking for advice. this might not even be in your wheelhouse considering the sort of tangential connection to sex. sorry if not

hey anon,

boy, this one is a real buffet. it's legitimately very hard to decide where to start with this, but I'm going to do my best.

let's get this one out of the way first and foremost: if you're into guys that's totally fine. love that for you. if sex with men is something you ever want to explore I would encourage thinking bigger than the stigma that's currently associated with "experimenting." it has a very dehumanizing connotation, but there's no reason that trying out a new kind of sex has to be a cold or impersonal experience! it's fine to approach someone, either via the apps or in real life (honestly! the latter is better!) and be up-front about what your interests and intent are. people have sex without intending to form long-term partnerships all the time; it's literally fine and a thing that many people enjoy doing. so, like, this is my endorsement for respectful, mutually-informed experimentation lmao.

but hey, listen: I don't think that having sex with men is actually, like, a pressing issue for you, based on everything else you've told me here. it doesn't sound like sex is really a huge part of your life, and honestly that's great! it doesn't seem like sex would be great for you right now! can I point to some reasons why?

i think all sex is sort of weird

i have some strong anxiety about sex in general

someone seeing my naked body makes me feel a little sick

[I] don’t really know how sexual attraction is supposed to feel or what i would do with myself if the occasion (sex) was to arise

all of these are, like, perfectly fine things to feel, and also they are pretty good indicators that it's probably for the best that you're not having sex right now. genuinely I do Not do this lightly, because I have a whole thing in my FAQ about not wanting to tell other people their orientations, but has the possibility occurred to you that you might not experience sexual attraction at all? you can like people of all kinds of genders but not want to have sex with them.

let's maybe just take sex off the table altogether while we explore this "maybe you're a little gay" thing, alright? because it seems like that's just going to stress you out a needless amount. what if instead of thinking about having sex with guys, you give some thought to dating guys, forming romantic connections, doing things together that aren't having sex. would you date a guy? I mean, hell, would you date a girl? would you date anyone? does that sound good to you? it's nice to actually interrogate these things; the worst thing that can happen is that you get to know yourself a little more clearly.

you can date and love people without ever having sex with them. does that sound fun for you?

this is the most important thing: you're not under, like, any obligation to figure this out immediately or even soon. take your time, you know? there's no correct timeline for this and self-discovery is perpetual.

also hey listen this one isn't, like, bad and I'm certainly not addressing it as a problem but PLEASE I have to know where you grew up that you didn't realize that most people are actually not polyamorous. are you perhaps the spawn of the greater Seattle area polycule?

[sapphire-weapon]

I often think about the ending jetski scene. Before Ashley's "Mission accomplished, right?" She steals a look at Leon (that pouty look), and the way she says it makes me feel like she sort of believes that Leon only cares about her because she is his mission. She seems sad about "mission being accomplished", because it means this is where Leon and she will part ways.

But then Leon replies "Mission accomplished... when you are home safe." Maybe he does want to prolong the time he can spend with her too. And I think that reply ignites some hope in Ashley, that's why she tests the water by asking if he wants to be her personal detail.

Also, the music in that scene is giving me a lot of vibes.

What do you think of that exchange in that scene?

I'm being 100% honest when I say that, the very first time I beat this game, there was a half-second where my brain legitimately thought they were going to kiss during that scene. And it was this weird moment of cognitive dissonance because I also knew that it was completely insane for me to think that, but that's what their body language was doing, that's what the tone of their voices was doing, and that's how the scene was being paced.

And I didn't even think she was going to kiss him -- I thought he was going to kiss her! WHICH IS EVEN MORE INSANE TO THINK. But that little pause between her saying "Thank you for saving me" and Leon going "Don't mention it" I just was like... ???????? Capcom what are you doing??????

Look at the way they're fucking looking at each other and the way that Leon is leaning back towards her are you fucking kidding me with this shit

Honestly, he probably wanted to. Kiss her, that is. After everything they went through together and the bond that they formed and all that Leon had to overcome mentally and emotionally in order to get them both out of there alive... to hear her actually say the words out loud "You saved me" was probably more powerful and more moving for him than any "I love you" he's ever heard.

Don't forget that Ashley is Leon's first success story. He made the decision to study criminal justice at 18 in order to go into law enforcement at 21 with the desire and motivation to protect people. Now, he's 27 -- nearly ten years removed from that initial decision -- and he has only ever watched people die and gotten people killed instead. There were probably so many emotions going through him in this moment that it's actually impressive that he didn't lean back and kiss her -- or even choke up and cry. (Though, you can tell he kind of wanted to do both. Probably at the same time.)

I don't think that Ashley thinks that Leon only cares about her because of the mission; I just think that she knows that their time together is about to come to an end, and she's not sure how he's feeling about it, so she's trying to figure out from which angle she wants to approach the "I don't want you to disappear from my life" conversation.

And while Leon has the emotional intelligence of a bird (and that's on a good day), he does actually pick up on what she's trying to do with that line. That's why his response back to her is "Mission accomplished... when you're home safe." It's his way of saying "It's not quite over yet. We still have a little bit more time."

But then, when she pushes the issue, he's forced to face the uncomfortable reality of the circumstances of his own life. RE4make is a fairy tale, and Leon knows that fairy tales aren't real. When the story ends and the real world comes back and takes over, this dream of a romance they've been sharing will end, too.

That's why the very first piece of meta I wrote for this game was about his line "You don't need me." There's nothing that Leon would love more than to stay in this dream world of a fairy tale with her forever -- to remain at her side as her loyal knight until the end of days -- but he can't. And he knows he can't.

All he can do is try to assure her that things will be okay when they both wake up. But I'm not sure he believes it, himself.

[highfantasy-soul]

NATLA Episode 6 - Masks (3/5)

[Masterlist of my NATLA thoughts]

An explanation of what I'm doing here and my history with ATLA.

Of course, full spoilers ahead.

<previous/next>

Love that they expand the convo between Aang and Zuko and give a reason for not immediately heading to save Sokka and Katara (whom were currently dying of thirst and fever in the animated show) - fire nation soldiers were still searching around. In the animated version, Aang just stays with Zuko until morning for…some reason? while his friends are dying.

Everything Zuko does is such a great choice, acting wise. He really acts like a teen trying to convince people he's badass and confident - which to the teen, is done in totally legitimate ways while us olds can see right through that mask and see how insecure and inexperienced with what true confidence is. Again with the masks, Zuko over-acts to convince others (and himself) that he's strong and can do it alone - hence him slapping away Aang's hand he stretches out to help Zuko. It's honestly a funny scene because we can see how petulant and ridiculous him slapping away a helping hand is, but with Zuko's past and how he's been taught to be strong alone - yet never actually has gotten any solid teaching on HOW to do that - Zuko sees it as a reasonable reaction.

I think it was a really great move to expand his and Aang's conversation here. In the animated series, Aang only talks about Kuzon and what life was like for Aang before and how much he misses it. Here, Aang talks TO and WITH Zuko rather than just talking AT him. Aang starts by appraising him of the situation - there are guards patrolling the woods so they need to hunker down for the moment, then he tries to help, then just sits with Zuko - close, and facing him rather than in a corner. He shows Zuko that he's actually confident, not afraid of Zuko, and not intending to be antagonistic either. Aang sets the tone as only Aang can: one that's genuinely kind and open, wanting to talk the issues through, not solve it with threats or violence. Then he opens with a disarming question - one meant to connect the two of them, to humanize himself to Zuko and show that he sees Zuko as another person, not just an enemy, too. It's just SO AANG!

That's always been Aang's superpower - like Katara said back on Kyoshi Island: it's his ability to connect with people that makes him so special. Especially thrust into a world that's been at war for 100 years, that wears on EVERYONE, people are done trying to play nice, it's hit now and hit hard - no diplomacy is going to work because it hasn’t worked for 100 years. Aang doesn’t have that baggage. He really is a man out of time - and he uses that to his advantage here.

He tries it other places and it rarely works, but with Zuko, it can. Aang starts with a question that looks like it's going one direction, but veers into something so beautifully mundane. When he asks if it's ok to ask 'a personal question', everyone's (and probably Zuko's too) thought goes to the scar - it's the big thing that 'different' about him, that defines him, just as so many people with visible differences/disabilities know. "Can I ask how you became blind? How you lost your leg? What it's like living with Down Syndrome?" All those questions about, usually, not the things people are so proud of (not that they're ashamed, per se, but like, why talk about a missing leg when we can talk about their artwork, ya know?) or want to sit around and chat about. But Aang veers left - what type of hair do you use for your calligraphy brush?

Aang opens with an off-kilter question, then follows up with a compliment: "your characters are so neat", then some self-depreciating humor "I can never get mine like that. The monks used to say lemur droppings were more legible than my brush strokes". It's just impossible to not be put at ease by him talking to Zuko like a person - finding common ground, mundane and 'insignificant' as it is, but Zuko doesn't crack - yet. I think it was great that they used Zuko's notebook not just as a convenient goober to get Aang the info he needed in a neat little package, but to bring it back as a point of connection between him and Zuko - Zuko's desperation to end his banishment helped Aang.

Something so important to Zuko did genuine good and helped the person he was hunting - and he was GENUINELY thanked for it. Not only thanked for it, but he got an actual apology from Aang about stealing it - I wonder how many times Zuko had ever been apologized to after someone hurt him or stole his things.

Zuko stays stone-faced, but he's not angry - he doesn't look away either. To me, it feels like he's trying hard to calculate how he thinks he's SUPPOSED to react to Aang telling him this. I think he wants to be proud of his work, of Aang telling him that he has info on past Avatars no one else has, how Aang stayed up long nights reading his work, how it really has helped him. Here's someone who is genuinely telling Zuko that his work is good - not just good, but unique and impactful the way no one else's work is. He's the best at this - what he did is worthy of respect and praise.

Finally, after Aang tells him Zuko's notebook (he) helped him a lot, Zuko breaks - he tells Aang he uses goat hair for his brushes as it gives him more control. The façade of hard, unfeeling badassery is broken and he's just another kid discussing stationary and how to please exacting teachers. And uuuuggghhh Aang is just so charming and disarming with his self-deprecating jokes! Just like how he tried to cheer up Katara with his little joke about 'I think that's what the monks said - I never listened', he makes another about always getting caught snoring while he was supposed to be meditating and Zuko breaks!! The big bad, hard core firebender SMILES!!!! Then he quickly reins it in and tries to return to his stoic scowl.

It's so good having Aang and Zuko slide into a discussion about 'sides' as it does look strange that Zuko is 'fighting against' other firebenders. Zuko starts out by flipping right back to anger, to forceful faux confidence, then realizes that he's having to face his 'enemy' and tell this kid whose joke he just laughed at that he's still needing to capture him. But he takes a more casual stance, a resigned tone, not a forceful one, as he tells Aang that he can only return home if he captures him and takes him in, he can then become the next fire lord. Yet again, Zuko is questioned about whether that's actually what he wants and another point of connection between the two is forged - Zuko insists that yes, of course he wants to be the fire lord, that's what everyone expects of him. Expectation. We know that Zuko doesn't actually care about the throne, he just wants acceptance and his family back, but Zuko has been told the way to get that is through being the perfect prince - that wanting the throne is the same as getting his family.

I love how Zuko starts to get clearly agitated at the direction the conversation is taking - I would attribute that to people poking at his beliefs that he's had to cling to because if they come crumbling down under too much scrutiny, he won't know what to do - and Aang immediately tries to calm him down, not raise his voice, tries for kind and gentle advice given to him by his own mentor - opening up and being vulnerable with Zuko in an attempt to regain that connection they had just shared. And it works - he opens up about how he's so worried about the expectations about him being the Avatar and Zuko calms down, he shifts back and relaxes again.

Aang pushes in, telling Zuko how different he is from the other firebenders, how he knows what the fire lord is doing is wrong, how Zuko could be better than them - on the surface and initially, things Zuko might like to hear. But Aang pushes it too far - he mentions compassion and all that trauma rushes to the surface and Zuko is reminded just how painful being different from the other firebenders can be - how much punishment compassion brought him.

He feels like he has to overcompensate yet again - never show weakness, never show vulnerability, never accept someone else's criticism of his actions or of the actions of those he's associated with. I think it's very telling that he starts with declaring that he's the crown prince - that he is to be the example for all firebenders. His expectations don't only extend to himself and how he should be viewed by his father - he sees the entire fire nation as looking at him and judging his actions and worth - expectations that crush him as they tell him to be a certain way I think he already knows he doesn’t want to be. And even though his father was clearly abusive, he still insists that he's a great man - to save face, he has to deny the accusations of the enemy and declare that his abuser is actually good and no one is allowed to say otherwise (oh my god, seriously Zuko, stop stealing these lines from my DnD character! I swear she did it first, it's not just that Zuko's journey is so incredibly organic in his experience and reaction to the abuse that it transcends through to other mediums seamlessly).

And finally, Zuko can't take it anymore, he has to firmly put that mask back on and yells at Aang that compassion is a sign of weakness - and attacks. Finally, Aang is afraid of Zuko, and dispatches him again, but Aang is a smart kid - he recognizes the pain that talk of compassion brought out in Zuko. He doesn't blame Zuko for it, he sees how much he's been hurt already and I think, yet again, that's what makes Aang such an amazing protagonist and Avatar - he WANTS everyone to be good at heart. He wants to connect, to find paths to healing and cooperation. And he is willing to see past rough edges to the heart of gold within.

<next post is going to go into detail about what I thought about the Agni Kai and the additions to Ozai's character behavior>