#i know i'd like the show but i won't watch it bc i don't really want to but

[beanghostprincess]

I pray you remember Anne of green gables or watched Anne with an e cuz Shuggy has such strong shirbert vibes it’s driving me insane

The rivalry? The fact that Anne hit Gilbert with her slate for calling out her biggest complex, while he thought he was just teasing her. The

love unfold naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.

And

We are going to be the best of friends. We were born to be good friends, Anne. You've thwarted destiny enough.

AND

Gilbert had been asked to describe his ideal woman the description would have answered point for point to Anne, even to those seven tiny freckles whose obnoxious presence still continued to vex her soul

I have no idea what you're talking about because I have not watched that show or read the book but I'm sure you're right and the way you're describing it sounds pretty Shuggy coded. So!! I support this!!

[solemntitty]

since i moved out and now am living on my own i constantly am like 'well i'll keep this just in case' and it's like. about cardboard boxes or other things that i've never even used. nipping that hoarding in the bud before that becomes a huge problem

[runningfrom2am]

in this life or the next (part II)

summary: you and rafe won the 75th annual Hunger Games as a team, but at what cost?

pairing: rafe x fem!reader

wc: 11.4k

tags/warnings: not as much as you would expect for a Hunger Games fic honestly. spoilers for the og Hunger Games movies I guess (but also not bc i changed it up a bit- you'll see), Ward being a shitty dad (as per usual). also this isn't thoroughly edited bc.. it's long and i'm still lazy.

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a/n: hi guys! this is part two of this fic, and i'm honestly pretty proud of how this story is coming together!! i hope anyone who enjoyed that one enjoys this one :) also i very much set it up for part three so look forward to that (eventually).

"Without further adieu, I'm pleased to welcome back, from District One and District Five, Rafe Cameron and Y/N Y/L/N, this year's Victors!" The base of the talk show's theme music bellowed in your ears as you followed your cue, holding tightly onto Rafe's hand as you took the stage again. You never imagined you would be back here, but you're grateful to be.

"Rafe, Y/N, I cannot honestly put into words how pleased I am to have you both back with me tonight. We're all so excited to have you- aren't we?" Caesar smiled, riling up the crowd once more as the cheers had died down. Rafe had a smile glued to his face, squeezing your hand once you were both sat down before letting it go.

"We're happy to be back." Rafe replied and you nodded, smiling over at him. He looked so much better- the colour had returned to his skin, a subtle pink flush you didn't care to take notice of before the games.

"I bet you are." Caesar nodded. "We have so much to talk about, but first, I'd like to personally congratulate you both on your win. This was the first-ever games to produce two winners, I hope you understand the extent of your accomplishment."

"Thank you, yeah." You smiled, turning your attention to the man across from you. "I couldn't have done it without him."

"Likewise," Rafe said, gently nudging your shoulder with his hand. You rolled your eyes, shaking your head with a smile.

"God, I just love your chemistry." Caesar said, smiling and leaning his chin onto his palm. This resulted in more laughs and cheers from the audience. "This is a perfect segue, actually," He sits up straighter again, a slight laugh leaving him. "You were aware that we were all watching, right? Because there were some very real... intense moments between you two in the arena that had us on the edge of our seats. The whole 'will they, won't they' tension was so palpable. So, I think we all just want to know, was it real?"

Rafe nodded, watching the man intently as he listened to him speak. You were both wondering where he was going with that, but while you felt your face burning red, you came up with a logical answer that effectively dodged what he was really asking. "I mean, yeah, of course, such significant amounts of stress on both the body and the mind would make anyone vulnerable in a way you wouldn't expect."

Rafe shifted in his seat, turning his gaze to you as Caesar nodded at your answer. "But with Y/N it was just so easy. She gave me a new perspective on everything, which I appreciate still so greatly. Just, yeah I don't think I could ever see myself sort of... opening up in that way with anyone else." Rafe added, thinking for just a moment before shaking his head with a slight laugh. "I didn't even care that the world was watching, because I knew she was listening, you know?"

A chorus of 'aw's came from the audience and you smiled at him, looking to Caesar quickly to gauge his reaction. His was fairly similar, hand clutched to his chest with a pout in his lip. "Well, there's your answer, folks. It's very real. That is just so sweet." He nods.

"Rafe is right," You chimed in, silence falling over the building. "But truly it is just such a harrowing, scary experience, and up until last year's games we had never seen tributes connecting in a way that we were given the opportunity to, in a similar way to Katniss and Peeta had, the tributes from twelve last year. I think that is a new experience for both the viewer and for us as tributes, and it sets a new standard for the games. I just count myself so lucky that I got chosen to be Rafe's partner, because otherwise we never would have met- or we at least wouldn't have gotten the chance to see each other as real people, with thoughts and feelings and families waiting at home."

When you finished speaking, the silence stuck for a few moments that felt like an eternity. "Well... Yes, I suppose you're right, Y/N." Caesar agreed, but you still felt in your gut that you had said something wrong as the audience murmured and whispered to each other. "I think this is a good time to move on, because Y/N, you just have such a way with words, and we all saw in the games that you have... just one of the most amazing minds we have ever seen in a tribute."

"Isn't it cool?" Rafe added, leaning in and looking between the two of you with a smile on his face. "Caesar, I told you she had a secret weapon!" The audience loved this, instantly coming back to life with laughs and cheers.

"Yes, you did! We definitely didn't expect that!" Caesar chuckles. "So, Y/N, let us in a little bit more- at what point did you realize that the arena was recycled?"

"Oh, immediately." You answered with a nod, folding your hands in your lap. "Honestly by the time I saw the cornucopia for the first time I confirmed it, it was kind of a relief."

He claps his hands together, clearly impressed. "That's incredible! You proved it over and over again. My favorite part was the bag- we were all so confused and I personally got a bit of a laugh when you were trying to point it out to Rafe and he just had this hilarious confused look on his face! From the first thirty seconds, you guys already had this dynamic that had everyone in Panem hooked on watching you. So please, Y/N, tell us what your secret is. How your brain works, if you will."

"Please, Y/N/N." Rafe agreed, mocking Caesar's intrigued posture as he gazes at you waiting for you to elaborate.

You laughed, gently smacking his shoulder. "I just... I don't know. I see something, learn something, whatever the context may be, and then I just know it. I assume it's the same for you, but I just hold on to all the extra stuff. I think I'm broken, or something. I didn't even know this was abnormal until Rafe pointed it out during our training- I just always thought I was smarter than my siblings." You joke, laughing slightly.

"Well, I can only imagine you would be hard to compete with academically with a mind like yours." Caesar chuckled. "So, tell us, what's next for Panem's favourite couple- as I understand you now are."

You and Rafe made eye contact briefly. You hadn't talked about it, despite having hardly left each others sides since you returned. "I don't know." You shrug. "I suppose whatever you guys tell us to do."

"I think we'll go home, see our families, relax a bit and then we'll be back and ready for the victory tour in a few months." Rafe cut in. Had you said something wrong again?

"And we can't wait- we will miss having you guys on our screens everyday, that is for sure." Caesar smiled, standing up which made up your signal to do the same.

"We look forward too seeing you again soon." Rafe smiled, shaking Caesar's hand as you stood up, quickly adjusting your dress in the meantime.

"Thank you so much for joining me tonight, and congratulations again on your win. Enjoy your time at home." Caesar turned to you, giving you a quick hug before you held Rafe's arm and walked offstage, waving to the audience for hopefully the last time in a while.

As you recalled the memory of the last time you saw Rafe in person, you find yourself getting nervous at the idea of seeing him again. It had been a long six months- and you had exchanged an endless string of handwritten letters.

Life for you in the Victor's Village was pleasant, refreshing, even- since it had felt like forever since you had known any kind of peace. It's in a quiet area of town, giving you lots of space to enjoy real fresh air in a way that felt safe. Unfortunately, your vivid nightmares couldn't be quelled by the cool breeze or your sisters sleeping peacefully next to you or the room across the hall.

Rafe had found out that yes, you did sign your name with a heart normally. At least, you did in the many letters he had received from you. It had been the longest six months of his life, but at the same time, a whirlwind of everything happening all at once. Regardless, he spent the entire time walking on eggshells around his father.

When Rafe was reunited with his family, his sister had thrown herself at him with such force he stumbled back when he caught her in his arms, holding her tight with a hand over the back of her head. "I never thought I would see you again..." She mumbled, chin wobbling against his shoulder.

"I missed you so much, Wheeze, you have no idea." He whispered back, gently stroking the back of her hair. He put her down gently, but she refused to let go of his waist as he acknowledged the rest of his family. Sarah, stoic, standing alongside their dad with a matching expression. She, somehow, had a smile behind her eyes that Rafe was all too familiar with. Sarah was happy to see him, though she would never admit it in Ward's presence.

"Rafe." Ward smiled, suddenly, shockingly, only until Rafe realized they had cameras on them as his father walked up and smacked a hand onto his shoulder, guiding him away. District One was proud to have another Victor to add to the growing roster, and they would always celebrate accordingly. Somehow, Rafe didn't feel special.

"Hey, Dad," Rafe replied, smiling nervously as his dad gave his shoulder a squeeze. He knew he was in trouble- big trouble, and maybe staying in the capitol wouldn't have been so bad. He hoped you were facing a more genuine welcome in Five.

"Are you excited to see your girlfriend today?" Sarah asks, bringing him back to reality as she leaned against the entryway to their home gym. To Rafe, their whole house felt cold now. The mansion was decorated mostly in white, with marble flooring and high ceilings that made the home feel so much emptier than he remembered it. Most of the time, he stayed alone at the home he'd been granted in the victors village.

"Yeah. I don't think she's my girlfriend, though." He replies, hardly tearing his eyes away from the combat training equipment that still haunts him.

Sarah furrows her brow accompanying a confused laugh. "What? Only all of Panem sees you as the hottest couple, but you don't know?"

"We never got to talk about it. So, yeah, I don't know."

"Will you ask her?"

Rafe shrugs, getting up from the bench and throwing the towel over his shoulder. "Probably. She's the only good thing I can think about, these days."

"You better get on that. I heard from the news that there's an engagement announcement on the horizon!" Sarah calls, turning on her heel as she heads back down the hall.

Rafe sighs, grabbing his water bottle and heading out after her. He's wanted to talk about this, of course, but in the victor's interview you mentioned that anyone would be so vulnerable with all that stress- and he couldn't help but be a little hurt by that. Then again, you've sent him letter after letter since you had been apart, so the signals he's getting are mixed- to say the least.

As he changes into the clothes his dad picked out for him for the first day of the Victory Tour, he hopes that seeing you again will bring only good memories. Not that there are many to choose from- but something in his gut is telling him that you will be the cure to his nightmares, or at the very least, someone to talk to about everything, even if it's just for a few months a year. Forever.

You're standing at the train station, surrounded by your family and an array of cameras, everyone anxiously awaiting the two of you being reunited. It's unknown to you if he will even get off the train, part of you hopes that he doesn't so your sisters don't get the chance to bug him. "He'll be happy to see you, hey?" Your mom interrupts your thoughts, nudging you gently with her elbow.

"Maybe." You shrug, pulling at the loose strings on the hem of your dress. "I don't know, I don't want to go. I'd rather stay home, Mom."

"I know, sweetheart... And we'll miss you." She sighs, kissing the side of your head and pulling you close with an arm around your shoulders. "But maybe it'll be nice to talk to him. He must understand you better than we can, these days."

"I don't know about that." You say softly, gazing down the tracks at the sound of the train quickly approaching. You take a deep breath, turning to hug your sisters so you have time. You were on a very tight schedule already, Opal was making sure of that. The train couldn't leave a minute late- even though you're sure that you and Rafe may be precious cargo, considering you're the only ones on it, spare for your teams, and the only reason the train is making this journey at all.

"I'll bet he jumps out of the train and tackles you to the ground because he missed you so, so, soooo much!" Your youngest sister giggles, clinging tightly to your arm.

You decide not to acknowledge it, eyes locked on the silver metal as it pulls up in front of you. "Don't say anything to him, you best leave him alone." Your dad reminds her, peeling her from your arm and into his side instead.

The door slides open, and just as you're lifting your one bag you're met with Rafe. Seeing him for the first time in person for months is shocking. He looks tired- you guess he's been having nightmares too. "Y/N.." He says, almost breathlessly as he leans against the door of the train.

"Hi." You whisper, giving him the best smile you can muster. Truly, you are happy to see him, but you do know he has to put on a show of the two of you being reunited. He jumps down, taking three large strides toward you before pulling you close and burying his face in your hair. "I'm so happy to see you."

"Me too." He mumbles, letting you go after a moment.

"Welcome to District Five, I guess." You laugh nervously, gesturing around you.

"Thank you, I've never been here before," Rafe explains, rather unnecessarily. "The ride was beautiful."

Opal is trying to usher you from behind the camera to move onto the train, and Rafe's hand is hanging at his side, fingers brushing gently over your arm. You get the message, just about to finally wave off your family for a second time. "Wait, hold on." Your dad cuts you off, stopping you both in your tracks.

"Thank you, Son." He nods, holding out his hand to Rafe. You can see his chin wobble, but you can also see that he's trying to keep a brave face for the cameras. Your family had been warned to not speak to him, to just say goodbye and let you walk onto the train since your reunion would be telecasted live- but he just couldn't let Rafe get away without him knowing how much he appreciated him saving you.

Rafe takes his hand and shakes it, returning the nod. "I would have died before taking her from you." They would have a less formal opportunity to meet towards the end of the tour when you revisited Five for a big celebration in both of your honour. You were already dreading it. Anyway, now, they only really had time for pleasantries. Not even that, if they were to follow Opal's schedule.

Cameras are quickly cut, and you wave goodbye now as you're actually forced onto the train. "Gosh, you two, we have places to be. Seriously." Opal says sternly, walking on behind you along with your stylist's team.

It's only a little while until you were talking again, like you had never been apart- and like everything was normal. Until, as the sun set over the mountains in District Eleven, you both got quiet, looking out the array of windows in the very last car.

"I'm glad to see you normally sign your name with a heart."

"Huh?"

"Uh, in the cave. You put your name on the wall, with a little heart beside it. I remember wondering if you normally write your name like that, and you do."

"Oh, yeah. When I'm signing something, I guess." You agree with a slight shrug. After a few moments of comfortable silence, both of you staring out the window over the tracks, you continue. "We're going to get in trouble. About what you said to my dad."

"I meant it," Rafe replies, not missing a single beat.

"Did Snow come to see you too?" You ask.

"Yeah." He nods. "I don't really care though, what can he do to me that he hasn't already done, you know?"

"He'd go after your sisters."

"He mentioned something about that. He won't, though. He's just trying to scare us into smiling for the cameras."

"I don't know..." You sigh. "I'd rather not risk it. Play it safe."

"You'll be doing that for the rest of your life, and he'll only demand more and more." Rafe shakes his head at you, reaching out and taking your hand. "With whatever is happening in the districts, he wouldn't run the risk of hurting our families. Your family, in particular. Panem loves your family, you gave them security by speaking so highly of them in the games, and they bought their own by spending all that money to send both of us something from home. He couldn't touch them without the whole country losing their minds."

"What? What's happening in the districts?" All you had seen on TV was reruns of your interviews and highlight reels of your own games. You tried not to watch much TV.

Rafe's eyes flicker with confusion as he scans your face. After a moment he realizes that of course, you wouldn't know. He only knows because of his dad- the news was so heavily censored in the outlying districts that there's no doubt you wouldn't have heard about the uprisings. "I-uh... My dad told me some stuff. There's been a couple of uprisings, nothing serious, but still. He wants us to keep them happy." He decidedly leaves out the fact that people in farther districts, outside of your own, are really not your biggest fans.

"Oh... Well, I'll try my best. Do you know what they were about?"

"No, uh, I don't know much about it. Sorry." Rafe mumbles, dropping your hand to push himself up from the couch. "I should probably get some sleep. You too."

Looking at how dark it is outside now, he's probably right. You have a long couple of weeks ahead, starting tomorrow. Starting it off with a full night's sleep would no doubt be beneficial- and who knows what time Opal will be waking you up in the morning.

You stretch out your arms as you stand up, yawning as you follow Rafe out the door and toward your cabin where your things are waiting for you.

It's not long after a quick shower that you pass out in bed, already tired and lulled to sleep by the steady movement of the train. And it's not long after that until you're standing on the silver pedestal that typically haunts your dreams yet again.

You look around, trying desperately to put together the pieces of where you are. You can't. You can, everything looks the same, but there's a feeling of panic in your gut that tells you you don't know a thing as the timer ticks down in front of you, the sound echoing throughout the arena.

Your head snaps to the left when you hear someone yelling for you. Your sister. She looks pale, you can practically see her shaking from where you're standing. She's yelling at you still, but you can't make out what she's saying as you realize that it isn't just her. Your whole family is there, and no sign of Rafe.

How are you supposed to do this without him?

The timer reaches zero, and the alarm blades signaling the games have begun. You're quick to sprint for your youngest sister, your first goal being getting her away. As you reach her you look back toward the cornucopia, blood already sprayed across the side of the glistening metal and bodies on the ground. Exactly the way it was last time.

"We have to get you out of here. We have to go south, we have to-" You're cut off by her freezing, stumbling back, and falling into the grass.

You call for her in a panic, looking back over your shoulder. You have nothing. There's nothing you can do to help as she chokes on blood from the knife now embedded in her chest.

It was you. You're standing there, a sick smile on your face with dropped shoulders- you had thrown it. Just how Rafe had taught you.

You wake up to the sound of your own screaming, sitting up quickly and kicking off your blanket. Your hair is stuck to your forehead as you scramble to place your surroundings. It wasn't real. It felt so real.

"Y/N?" You look up to the door in a panic as Rafe pushes the door open, brows furrowed in concern. "Are you okay?"

His presence starts to calm you almost instantly. "Yeah, just a dream." You say breathlessly. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"I couldn't sleep anyway." He insists, stepping in and closing the door. "Can I stay?"

You just nod, sliding over to make room for him.

Rafe pads across the floor, climbing in bed next to you and laying down, getting comfortable as you lay facing each other. Your heart is still racing. You still see your sister suffering at your own hand.

Without saying a word, Rafe reaches up, hesitating for a moment before brushing your hair back from your forehead. "I get nightmares too." He whispers, settling his hand on your cheek, gently brushing over your skin with his thumb.

"I'm sorry." You whisper back, eyes still open as you try and look at him in the dark.

He knows you're not apologizing as if it's your fault, more so saying you wish that neither of you were plagued with the memories of what you had been through. "Me too." He whispers, finally closing his eyes. Maybe now, with you here, he'll feel safe enough to get a full night of sleep without being interrupted by the screams of the kids that he killed.

You wake up with another jolt when the door flies open, slamming against the wall. "Oh, thank god. Rafe! What are you doing in here? Get up, hurry. We've spent far too much time searching the train for you." You blink a few times, rubbing your eyes as you process the harsh awakening by his escort, Zara.

"I'm up..." Rafe grumbles from beside you, taking a deep breath in with his head pressed against your back and an arm over your waist.

"God, you scared me. Now come on, we're already late." She says, standing and holding the door, waiting for him to get moving.

He sighs in response, and you feel a rush of cold air as he leaves you, stretching as he gets up and follows Zara out of the room. The train has stopped moving, you notice this quickly as you get up yourself. It's safe to assume Opal is waiting for you as well.

Walking out onto the stage of District Twelve is humbling, to say the very least. They are among the poorest of Panem's districts, even District Five seems like the Capitol compared to this. The pedestals in front of us display images of the four tributes behind where their families stand. It is all too real as you stand there in front of a large crowd in yet another uncomfortable dress.

Rafe holds your hand as you walk out, scanning over the crowd too. Even his already fake smile begins to fade at the sight and he looks pale. He's clutching your speech cards in his other hand, and you clock how it's slightly shaking from nerves as you are directed to begin speaking and he raises the cards.

"We are united as Panem is united. Our love has opened our eyes to the greatness of our country." You can tell in his voice he's trying to maintain his charismatic charm, but it's failing him. He can't tear his eyes away from the tributes' families, recognizing the faces on the screens behind them. One of the girls stands out, and he shakes away her voice in his head begging him to spare her life with her leg caught in the trap he asked you to set. He adjusts his focus to the mountains in the distance before he continues. "Love illuminates the truth-"

"You're standing where Katniss and Peeta should be!" He's interrupted by someone shouting from the crowd. It's easy to pick out the voice in the sea of people. A boy, a few years older than you with dark hair and a strong build. He's worked his whole life, no doubt. There's a blonde girl next to him- Prim. Katniss's sister, who she had volunteered for last year.

Rafe is frozen, staring at them for a moment before looking back to Zara, who gestures for him to continue. He's squeezing your hand now, tighter. "That's her sister." You whisper to him before he gets the chance to speak again. "May I?"

He looks down at you, silently asking if you're sure. Secretly, Rafe is relieved. You nod to him again and he hands you the cards. You don't need them, so you place them down on the pedestal in front of you.

"I understand the tremendous loss your community has faced at the hands of these games. And I am sorry." Rafe taps your arm, watching you now as you speak. You look up at him briefly and he nods to you. "We are sorry." You correct, reading from him that that is what he wanted.

"We can't fix the past, but I can tell you that without Spruce, Fletcher, Trilly, and Cerise we wouldn't be standing here today. We are forever in debt to them, and to you, for something that we didn't want to take in the first place." You pause, clearing your throat as you feel a tightness in your chest. "I never knew Katniss or Peeta, but watching them at home inspired me, and remember wondering when I watched Katniss volunteer for little Prim if I would do the same for my sisters, and as much as I love them I realized that I don't know if I ever could. And then, at the end, when she and Peeta both chose to die rather than live without each other, rather than pumping out another victor from the games- I was in awe. Of their bravery, and of their sacrifice. I thought I could never do that. They were braver than me."

You stare around the silent crowd, aiming to memorize every face. "Then I met Rafe, and I finally understood them. We would have done the same, but we were given a greater opportunity. I don't know why it was us and not them, and what we did to deserve our lives again, but I am truly sorry that it wasn't them." You spit out, choking over every word.

"It's because he's one of them!" The same boy shouts, pointing at Rafe and you notice peacekeepers shoving their way through the crowd toward him.

Rafe swallows the lump in his throat, keeping a straight face as he looks out at the boy.

"We are sorry that you lost loved ones." You say again, looking up at him briefly.

Before you can continue, Rafe is moving you aside to speak again. "I will donate half of my winnings to the families of our fallen tributes, as well as the families of Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. It is the very least I can do, and I know that it won't bring them back, but I am sorry."

Rafe sees the peacekeepers quickly approaching and he wraps one arm around you, holding the other out towards them. "Hey, hey! Don't touch her, we'll go." He says, letting the peacekeepers guide you back off of the stage and out of view as chaos breaks out in the crowd.

"Y/N Y/L/N are you crazy?" Opal is there quickly, looking like she is ready to smack you if she didn't know better.

"What? What did I do?" You ask, panic evident in your voice as you hear shots firing outside.

"She just said what she thought they wanted to hear." Rafe defends you, but even he knows you messed up. In the eyes of the President, anyways.

"Yes, but that is the exact opposite of what Snow wants to hear! And you! Offering them his money? Did you think that was smart?"

"I- I don't know, I didn't know what to do and lord knows I don't need it! They can have it all for all I care." Rafe sighs, shaking his head dismissively.

"Rafe! You were given explicit instructions to keep the peace! Your father is going to be furious, you realize that right?" Zara intervenes.

"Instructions to what, sell this 'against all odds love story'? They want us together so they can brainwash Panem into thinking that privileged districts and the stupid Capitol can get along with the others, and that we're all a big happy family, but its all bullshit. I don't want to be a part of that and I never asked to be." Rafe shouts at her, and Opal gasps as you look away.

"I'll- uhm, yeah. Right. Opal, can you come with me back to the train? I want to leave." You mumble.

She glares at Rafe as she places a hand on your back, leading you toward the exit with peacekeepers following to escort you out of the building.

Heartbreak wasn't exactly on your bingo card for the first day of the victory tour. At least you got your answers, though. Rafe wants nothing to do with you, and now you can go about the rest of your life being forced to pretend you're in love. Great.

The tour continues as scheduled. Every day, occasionally with a day of travel time in between, you find yourself standing on a stage, a smile glued to your face, reading from a script with your hand wrapped around one belonging to a boy who couldn't care less about you. It's torturous.

The day finally comes, after cycling painfully through all the other districts that you make it to the first of two big parties, you're finally home.

"Y/N, Honey, welcome home." Your mom greets you at the door with a hug.

"I missed you." You mumble, pulling her into a hug. She shuts the door behind you as you step away, looking outside for just a moment.

"Where's Rafe?"

"He's staying down the road." You mumble, avoiding eye contact with her and stalking up to your room.

You feel guilty about being grateful for the many empty houses in the victor's village, allowing him his own place to stay instead of staying with you.

You have a few hours of peace before Opal will come with your stylist to prep you and your family for the party and address that's happening tonight, and the one thing on your agenda before then is a good, long nap.

A good, long nap, however, was not something on your sister's agenda, and it was only a matter of minutes before she was barging into your room.

"Y/N! How come Rafe isn't here?" She asks aptly, throwing herself onto your bed next to you.

"He's busy." You grumble, pulling the blankets tighter around yourself.

"Oh, like you? So busy right now you can't say hi to your favourite sister?"

"You're not my favourite."

"Rude." She makes herself at home in your bed, curling up next to you. For the first three months you were home, she didn't leave your side. She had slept in your bed every night, uncomfortable both with the move and her new room away from the one you had previously shared, and also with the idea of losing you again. "Did you kiss him?" She giggles once she's settled in, whispering despite the first time you kissed Rafe being broadcast on national television for the whole country to see.

"No." You whisper back, feeling tears prick at your eyes. "He hates me."

"What? How? I need more details than that, I'm sure he doesn't hate you."

"It was all fake. To get people to like us, to make us win and now to keep Snow from coming after our families." You say quietly, finding it difficult to admit your naivety to even yourself. "He never meant any of it."

Your sister is shocked, jaw slack with your explanation. She's only sixteen, but you can see the gears turning in her head. She loves a romance book, and growing up in a house where your parent's hands were rarely disconnected has built her into somewhat of a relationship expert. Or so she thinks, at least. "No. No, that's not true."

"It is, he said it."

"Exactly like that? What were his exact words?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"I don't remember."

"You're lying. There's not a thing anyone has ever said to you that you've forgotten." She insists. "But, fine, I guess it doesn't matter because I know it's not true. I've seen the way he looks at you when you're not watching. He's so in love with you it's absurd. Trust me."

You sigh, pulling the blanket away from your face to look up at her. "Don't say that."

"Why? I'm right."

You sniffle, wiping your eyes on the sheet before explaining. "He said we're being forced together to prove something to the public, and he never wanted to be a part of that."

"I knew you were lying." Your sister smiles, pushing your hair back from your face. "But that means nothing. Less than nothing! I wasn't there, but he probably meant that he doesn't want to be together just to be a public spectacle, or to push some agenda that's not his own. That says nothing about how he truly feels about you."

"I don't know..." You reply, skeptical of her thought process. "You should have seen him. He was so angry-"

"At you?"

"Well, no-"

"Then it wasn't about you." She assures you, tucking herself into the blanket. "We'll have a nap, and then you'll talk to him tonight."

"I don't think that's a good idea." You protest.

"It is. Now shh, I'm napping." She hums, eyes already closed as she drapes her arm over your side.

The exhaustion took over and you did end up falling asleep, your sisters breath on your face calming you enough to get some well-needed rest.

You're woken up abruptly, thrown into a show dress that is at least comfortable enough to breathe in, and after being smothered in makeup and hair fried, you're pushed out of the door and into a car.

This address will be hard. You know Jack's family, and to see them standing on the pedestal across from you, behind the crowd, leaves you sick just at the thought of it. Maisie's as well, though you were far from responsible for her death. Again, the idea of why it was you and not them crosses your mind. At this point, you doubt it will ever stop.

Standing backstage, waiting for your queue, Rafe approaches you hesitantly. He knows you're angry, but over the last couple of weeks, you haven't given him a moment to explain. He wishes he could just explain.

"Do you want me to take the lead on this one?" He asks, adjusting the collar of his shirt as he takes his spot next to you, suit tailored to match your dress.

"No. I've got it." You reply coldly, eyes locked on the door ahead of you.

Rafe sighs, reaching out to grab your hand, as was your routine now. You can hear the introductions on stage ahead of you, the audience quieting down. At least this time, the district is mostly celebrating a local win, rather than mourning the senseless deaths of four of their children. This time, it's only three.

You take his hand, building up the energy to smile. You're happy, and you're happy together. Convincing your home district will be harder because, for the rest of your life, you have to keep up this show.

"Can we talk later?" Rafe whispered, leaning down and your skin tingled with the contact of his breath.

"Okay." You say, tone hardly audible as the doors open for you. Let the show begin.

You both smile and wave your way onto the stage, for the first time being met with cheers rather than blank stares. It's refreshing until you see Jack's parents adorning their little stage at the back. You wish they looked angrier, like they believed you were responsible. For some reason, you feel like they don't.

You don't realize people are waiting for you to speak until Rafe does for you, once again ignoring the queue cards.

"District Five, thank you for welcoming me into your community. I have never been here before, but when I say it is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been, I mean it." He smiles, clearing his throat while the people clap. "I also want to say thank you, because without the sacrifice of your people, I wouldn't be standing here today. That means the world to me, more than I can ever express."

You chew on your lip, scanning across the back and finally seeing your own family. Their presence brings you a comfort you didn't know you needed so badly. "And to Y/N's family, thank you, truly, for raising your daughter into the incredible girl that she is. Without her, there is no chance I could have survived. She saved me. I can never repay you for what you have given me." You watch as your dad pulls your mom close with an arm around her shoulder, hugging her. She looks like she's going to cry, your dad does too.

You try not to laugh as your sister stands with her arms crossed, shaking her head at you, a smug smile on her face. "I told you." You read her lips, and you shake your head back at her.

"Okay, okay, thank you, Rafe." You chuckle, taking the mic from him. "I would just like to say, I am so lucky to be back, and thank you to all of you for being such amazing, supportive people my whole life. It takes a village, they say, and I know I was enough of handful for the whole village to be sick of." You shrug, pulling some laughs from the audience. "I also want to say, to Maisie, Jack, and Caylen's families, I am truly sorry for your loss, but they fought hard. I hope you are proud of who they were. And Mr and Mrs Kyle, I hope you know I never wanted to hurt Jack. I'm so sorry I ever did." You finish, taking a step back to signal that you were done.

Rafe drops your hand to gently rub your back as your eyes are once again trained on his parents. They're crying, of course, as are you, but as his mom nods at you, you feel an incredible weight lifted off your shoulders. One death you felt so personally responsible for, and their family was kind enough to forgive you. Rafe hasn't been so lucky, you've seen it first hand. As you guessed, he is sick about it. Somehow, seeing Jack's family offer you that moment of forgiveness makes him feel better, too, knowing that you won't be suffering the way he is forever.

"Remember, this is your day. Everyone is here to celebrate you, dear." Opal reminds you, gently smoothing the front of your dress back at your home, getting changed for the party. "I am so proud of you."

You smile, for some reason finding yourself fighting off tears. "Thank you, for everything. I know I wasn't always pleasant to be around."

"No one expected you to be." She assures you, planting a kiss on your cheek. "My beautiful victor..."

You look up as there's a knock on the door to your room. "Rafe is here, can we let him in?" One of your stylists assistants says through the wood and Opal answers before you get the chance.

"Yes, let him in." You give her a look and she chuckles, placing her hands on your shoulders. "He's been dying to talk to you, dear. We'll give you a few minutes, and we'll be right outside."

You sigh, nodding as the door gets pushed open. "Rafe! Dear, you look so handsome." Opal smiles at him, patting his shoulder as her and your stylist shuffle out, letting Rafe in and closing the door behind themselves.

Of course, you would be matching his outfit. By now you anticipated it, but Rafe's suits never failed to impress you. It was almost entirely white, with gold cuffs and collars, and somehow, the shoes were a gold leather as well. All matched perfectly to the accents on your dress, and you wonder if his suit alone cost more than the house you grew up in. It's likely.

"You look beautiful." He breaks the silence, smiling at you nervously.

"Thanks.. You too. Handsome. I mean, white suits you."

He clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck. "I've missed you." He says, looking at you intensely to gauge your reaction. "Look, if... I did something I'm sorry. I was hoping we could talk, I want to fix things."

"If you did something." You scoff, nodding. You can't help but laugh a little bit.

"Okay, I did something. That's obvious, then. Okay." Rafe says, wracking his brain to figure out exactly where he went wrong. He has a good idea, because you ghosted him immediately after his fight with Zara and Opal in Twelve, but they had both forgiven him, understanding that he wasn't upset with them personally. "How do I fix it?"

"Oh, you want to fix it? That's rich. Truly."

"Y/N, I don't understand. You have to level with me, please." He begs, brow furrowed with upset now.

"You wouldn't want the Capitol to think we're fighting, right? You had a change of heart?" You ask rhetorically, grabbing a drink from the cart they moved into your room.

"Please, just spell it out for me. I can't go on like this, I almost lost you once. I'm not doing it again."

You sigh, the desperation in his voice forcing you to be more empathetic. "Okay, Rafe. Fine. You told them that you wanted nothing to do with this relationship. Right in front of me. I don't understand why you couldn't grasp that that hurt me, but if it wasn't clear, I really care about you."

Rafe looks down, staring at the carpet as he listens, nodding as he connects the dots. "Oh- oh! Oh, no, I didn't mean that. You have to know I didn't mean that, Y/N, come on!"

"Then why would you say it?" Your tears are threatening to return now as your voice shakes.

"Okay, I mean, I meant it, but that has nothing to do with you."

"Nothing to do with me? It has everything to do with me!"

"No, it doesn't." Rafe insists, stepping closer to you now. You can't bring yourself to back away. You've missed having him close. "I meant I don't want to be with you just so they can have a new front page couple. I meant I want to be with you because I want to be with you. Because I love you, not because they want me to love you."

You freeze, thinking over what he said. His I love you echoing in your mind like you're standing in a wind tunnel. "I... What?"

"Y/N," Rafe chuckles, reaching up now and holding your face in his large hands. "You are the smartest person I have ever met in my life, but sometimes, you are so dumb."

You can't help but giggle at that, shaking your head slightly. Rafe looks at you like you're holding his world in your hands. "Do you mean it?" You ask after a few moments.

"I've never meant anything more." You can feel his breath on your skin for the second time in one day, and you don't think you can go without it for another. You're sure your heart stops beating for a moment as he thumbs over your bottom lip, and just as you're sure you could throw up from how pretty he looks up close, you're pulling on the front of his jacket to close the gap between you.

It works, beautifully, and despite your confidence in the moment, he's very gentle. You've kissed before, sure, but you were both pumped so full of adrenaline that you couldn't stop laughing long enough to enjoy it- and that's looking past the fact that he was likely moments from death; thank god for the anti-venom the peacekeepers brought on board.

You hold tight onto his jacket, likely to keep your knees from buckling under you as his lips pass over yours, over and over again. "I love you too." You mumble into his skin, and you can feel him smiling against you.

"Kids? It's awfully quiet in there! Not to interrupt but we are on a deadline here!" Opal calls through the door, knocking on it gently with a gloved hand.

At the intrusion you practically jump apart, sighing a breath of relief when she doesn't open the door. "Okay, coming! Just one second." You reply, trying to hide the shakiness in your voice as you gather your things.

You don't know why you're desperate to avoid suspicion, but you're pulling the door open before either of you say anything else to each other. You both know you're okay, and that's what matters.

"Oh! Good, you're ready to go? Let's get moving." Opal nods at you as you pass her, cheeks burning. "Oh my, absolutely not!" She gasps, and you turn to see as Rafe walks out and she's producing a small linen from her bag and wiping off his mouth for him.

"I can do it..." Rafe mumbles, grabbing it from her to remove the rest of your lipstick from around his mouth as you both feel your faces turning red.

Unfortunately, you were only allowed time for one night at home before you moved on to the last uncovered district in your tour, District One.

"Are you excited to be home?" You ask Rafe, once again curled up in the back train car looking at the view. You've got a blanket draped over both of you, your legs falling over his lap.

"I really liked your brother. He's cool." Rafe dodges the question tactfully, and it's not lost on you that he doesn't want to talk about his home. "And your sister was hilarious."

"Yeah," You scoff, shaking your head. "I don't know who gave her Posca, but they shouldn't have. She was drunk out of her mind."

"Isn't she fifteen?"

"Sixteen actually, her birthday was last month." You laugh, dropping your head back onto the armrest behind you. "Be honest though, if you were given that opportunity at sixteen wouldn't you take it?"

Rafe shrugs, running his hand up and down your thigh. "Probably not, my dad would throw a tantrum."

"Is he strict?"

"Extremely."

"Oh. Still? I mean, one, you're eighteen- you're not a kid anymore, and two, shouldn't he just be happy you're alive? Even if that means you're drinking underage?"

"You would think." Rafe sighs, patting your leg gently. "Our reputation is his number one priority. Not his kids."

"I see." You nod softly. "That must be hard for you."

"Well, it's all I've ever known. So it's not that bad. I just worry about my sisters."

"I would too." You agree. "But, they have you. That makes all the difference."

"I try to. He wants them to volunteer, though. The only thing better for his business than one kid in the games is two, and the entertainment factor in that is valuable." Without any cameras around to record your every move, for one of the first times ever, Rafe can speak more candidly to you about it. And it is such a relief.

"That is just... so unfathomable to me." You reply. "Not to disrespect him, or anything, I mean all the respect for who he is and what he does, but I just can't imagine why he wouldn't prioritize your lives more. Especially after your mom..." You trail off here, realizing that's a door only he should open. You had seen a profile of him on the news, as a matter of fact your whole family sat down to watch it together after you got home. You don't know details of what happened, but they mentioned that she passed when he was ten. It broke your heart.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to..." You try and correct yourself, feeling him tense up under you as he stares out the window across from you.

"It's okay." Rafe insists, relaxing himself again to continue tracing patterns on your leg. "You're right. It is kind of backwards. I never got that before, but after going through what we did... I wouldn't ever want my sisters to get pushed through the same turnstile. You know?"

"Of course." You nod softly, grabbing his hand off your leg and holding it.

"Anyway, my mom never wanted us to volunteer. She stood out that way, people looked down on her because of it. Then she got sick and... yeah." Rafe continues and you squeeze his hand.

"I'm sorry, truly." You say, tone gentle.

"It happens." Rafe shrugs. "I admit, I was disappointed when Sarah didn't get picked with me. Especially with the team aspect, and I'm surprised that she didn't, but now I'm so glad she wasn't. Not to say she wouldn't have been a strong competitor. If she gets picked next year I guarantee she will win, actually." He says, smiling fondly with a shake of his head. "I've tried talking her out of volunteering, but she hasn't budged. She wants to please Ward, and I get that. I just hope she has the strength that I didn't."

"That's hard. I mean, at least I don't have to convince my sisters not to volunteer. They wouldn't do it if we begged them to, not that we ever would. Obviously." You chuckle, and Rafe does too. "Maybe... Would you mind if I talked to her? I have a way with little sisters."

"By all means." Rafe nods. "Good luck, though."

"I have a question." You say, after a moment of silence between the two of you, the train rattling over the tracks below you with an almost unsettling smoothness.

"Shoot."

"Since so many people volunteer, doesn't that take away the purpose of volunteering? Do they put all the volunteers into a bowl and draw names anyway? How do they pick?"

Rafe laughs, dropping your hand to reach out and ruffle your hair. "You will see."

It isn't long before you start pulling into One. It looks like a mini Capitol, but with more mansions and less giant buildings, it was extravagant nonetheless. Your face was practically glued to the window the whole drive in, as Rafe pointed out who lived where, and any landmarks you passed. It was fascinating, and you wished you were on speaking terms when you arrived in Five. There would have been lots to share.

You can't help but note that his family wasn't there to greet the train, at least you don't think they were- there was a crowd of strangers there waiting excitedly, along with more security to escort you and your teams away from the station.

Everyone there seemed to be a fan, particularly of Rafe's, and this was a comforting change of pace.

Rafe watches you with a fond smile as you stop, crouching down to talk to a little girl who wiggled past security and pulled on the bottom of your dress.

"This is for you, Miss Y/N." She says, so quietly you can hardly hear her over the sound of shuttering cameras and shouting in your direction.

You take the small flower from her and smell it. "It's beautiful, thank you, hun." You smile, taking it and tucking it behind your ear. "What's your name?"

"Clara."

"Clara, that's such a lovely name. Thank you for coming to say hi."

"Can I give you a hug?"

You nod, opening your arms to the little girl who practically falls into your lap, hugging you right around your neck. "When I grow up I'm going to be just like you. I'm gonna win." She says as you let her go, and your heart drops in your stomach.

Your smile falters and you nod at her a little. "Stay safe, okay?" You settle on, gently pushing her hair out of her eyes and standing up as Rafe places his hand on your shoulder, signalling it was really time to go.

You ease the girl back to her waiting parents, before standing upright and joining Rafe, waving to people as you follow him to the car, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling you're left with after that interaction.

The speech in District One was easier, similar to District Two, where people seemed happy to see you- more careless of the lives of young people they had lost. To them, it was an honour to go, even if you never returned home. That's where you first laid eyes on Rafe's sisters, and you could see immediately the difference he was telling you about.

Sarah looked much more like him, and Wheezie like their father, you could only guess that their mother had the dirty blonde hair and blue eyes she passed onto her oldest children.

At the party, it wasn't long before you saw her again, despite the large property and the sea of guests. Pretty much the moment you walked in, Ward was on the two of you with the girls in tow.

"Y/N! It is so good to meet you." He smiles, reaching out to shake your hand which you quickly oblige.

"You as well, Mr. Cameron."

"Please, call me Ward. All my friends do." He grins, nodding to the two girls with him. "These are my daughters, Sarah and Louise."

You try and introduce yourself, but you hardly get past a smile before he's ushering the group of you along. "There are loads of people who have been looking forward to meeting you. Come with me."

You just smile and nod, Rafe staring blankly at his dad as he leads the way.

You meet lots of people, and despite your average height you feel like they're looking down on you. No doubt you're seen as somewhat of a freeloader- carried through the games by Rafe's strength and training, but despite this, Ward introduces you to every last person as Rafe's girlfriend. Not that you mind, you had to assume that's what you were. He didn't seem bothered by it, so neither would you.

"I'm off to grab a drink, care to join?" Sarah offers, linking her arm with yours after what must have been the twenty-fifth new person in the last hour.

"I'd like that." You agree, giving a slight wave to Rafe who nods in approval before you're gone.

"It's a lot. I'm sorry." Sarah says, smile on her face as she guides you through the crowd.

"No, it's nice. I like meeting new people."

"No you don't." Sarah cuts you off, and you can tell it's not with bitter intentions.

"Not really, no." You cave and agree, laughing quietly.

"Rafe told me that. He said you didn't talk the first few days he knew you."

"That's not true." You laugh, correcting her quickly. "Not entirely. I was in shock, I guess."

Sarah shrugs, dropping your arm as you reach the bar. Before either of you say anything the bartender, an avox clad in the standard red uniform, places two drinks in front of you.

"Thank you." You smile, lifting the glass. They just nod and quickly move on as Sarah grabs her drink as well.

You sneak off into a somewhat quiet corner, where you can sit and talk without too many people overhearing. "Rafe speaks very highly of you, I was looking forward to meeting you." You offer as you both sit down at an empty couch.

"Now that," Sarah laughs, coughing slightly on her drink. "Is a shock."

"What?" You laugh. "No way, he loves you."

"No." Sarah shakes her head, gesturing across the room to where she's spotted her family. "He loves Wheezie. I'm just around."

You look over to where she pointed, seeing Rafe standing with his sister as they discreetly jab each other in the side while Ward is talking to yet another "important" friend. Rafe is trying to hide his smile, keep it professional, but he's cracking.

"He loves you too. Just as much." You insist. "Are you open to my theory?" You ask, looking at her as she returns her gaze to you, raising a questioning brow.

"Please." She tilts her glass toward you, urging you to continue.

"I think you guys are a lot alike. And that scares him because he doesn't want you to be like him." You say confidently, polishing off the statement with a sip of the champagne in your hand.

"That..." Sarah takes a drink before continuing. "Is not an entirely bad theory."

"Are you going to volunteer?" You ask, deciding to get right to it. Sarah doesn't seem like the type to dance around what she wants to say, she's confident in every statement she makes. She truly does remind you of Rafe when you first met him.

"Did Rafe ask you to talk me out of it?"

"No. I offered." You reply honestly. "But really I'm just curious. He does tend to be kind of biased these days."

"I see." Sarah nods, thinking on it for a moment. "Tell him I haven't decided yet."

"I have two sisters, both your age and Wheezie's, but I also have an older brother. I see myself in both of you." You explain. "I think you should do what feels right to you. Not to Rafe and me, or to Ward, or to anyone, really. But if you did ask me, I would tell you I would volunteer again somehow if it meant sparing my sisters. I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

Sarah listens to you intently. Whether her reaction shows it or not, you can tell she's really thinking about it. That's all you could ask for. "All the fame and the money it could bring your family isn't worth Wheezie's life, so why would it be worth yours?" You add.

"Would you give it up now if it meant you would have never met my brother?" She follows up with a simple question, but it stumps you.

"I don't know." You answer honestly, watching him again across the room. "But he was the only good thing to come out of it."

The air is warm in the Capitol, and you're not sure whether to attribute that to the humidity of polluted and stuffed air, or the several fire features decorating the President's property lawn where you're attending yet another party in your honour. It feels far from welcoming.

You can't bring yourself to drink, despite how tempting it is to drown out the evening in bottles of whatever alcohol they're handing out on seemingly endless trays of crystal glasses. 

You're clinging to Rafe's arm, accepting compliments from people who look like they've never known any kind of trauma in their lives. The way the Capitol elite feel entitled to every detail of your life makes you nauseous.

"Thank you everyone for coming." The President's voice is booming suddenly over speakers you can't see, and everyone's attention is drawn to where he's standing on the balcony overlooking the property. "It is my honour to host our most recent victors here with us tonight, Rafe Cameron and Y/N Y/L/N!" He stops to allow applause as you smile awkwardly and nod to those around you, waiting anxiously for him to continue. You just want to get this over with. 

"Your love story has been an inspiration to us all, and I'd like to raise a toast to your success and to your happiness." People around you congratulate you, and you lean your head onto Rafe's shoulder, squeezing his arm.

"President Snow would like to see you both in his office." A peacekeeper says, appearing out of nowhere and gently escorting you into the building.

"What do you think this is about?" You whisper as you reach a blocked-off hallway.

"I don't know." Rafe mumbles back. He has a good idea though, to him toast sounded more like a threat than a celebration. "Just... let me handle it. Okay?"

You just nod, stopping behind the peacekeeper at a big wooden door. He nods, gesturing that you enter.

"Have a seat." Snow offers, and Rafe pulls out your chair for you, deciding that he would stand. "Thank you for coming."

"We were in the area." Rafe replies impatiently. "What can we do for you?"

"I wanted to discuss our agreement one more time, since clearly, the two of you were left a little confused." Snow says, resting his hands on the desk that sits between you. 

"The money was a show of good faith." Rafe replies, resting his hand on your shoulder. 

"To you, maybe, but to them, it is a sign that you are on their side." The President corrects. "You are not one of them. Not anymore. If they believe that you are, that they have people with power on their side, the uprisings will continue and the death toll will be catastrophic. I have a feeling that both Districts One and Five will not recover."

You bite your tongue, keeping your eyes locked on the rose sitting in front of you on the desk. "I think there is no use in giving the people of Panem false hope, because you do not have the power you think you do. You are not invincible. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." You nod softly, anxious to leave.

"Go enjoy the party. After all, it's all for you." Snow dismisses you, and neither of you are in a position to argue.

Leaving the Capitol again was a relief, especially with the promise that a train would be made available to either of you as you wished to travel exclusively between your home Districts. Not that you would particularly want to travel anywhere else, anyway. 

Rafe had a preference for coming to visit you, despite your home being much smaller than his. And much more crowded, but he didn't mind. Having a home full of sounds felt much more welcoming to him, even if he was only there for a weekend here and there. He had sisters to look after as well.

In all those months, he came down twice a month, and you looked forward to it every time. Everything was so normal, besides the interviews you did every so often, just to show everyone how happy you were thanks to the "generosity" of the Capitol, and that's a story you're more than pleased to stick with if it means keeping your families safe.

"It isn't far, right? Because I'm too out of shape for a long hike." Rafe jokes, letting you pull him by the hand through a wooded area not far from your house.

"Oh please, you could do it in your sleep." You laugh, shaking your head. "But no, if you must spoil the surprise, it's not far."

Rafe follows you silently, smiling as he watches you beat your way through a slightly overgrown path. The image flickers in his mind of you in your windbreaker, hair tied back around itself to keep it away from your eyes as you run through the bushes in the arena.

"Here, look." You interrupt his thought process with a jolt, the sunlight blinding him as you push past a final branch and hold it out of his way. "Behold, the pride and joy of District Five." You smile, gesturing out over the cliffside.

"Oh, wow." 

"Isn't it pretty?" You ask, dropping his hand to walk closer to the edge overlooking the large dam. "All the electricity in all of Panem comes from here."

"I didn't expect it to be so... scenic." Rafe says, joining you closer to the edge as you sit down.

"Yeah, it's pretty." You agree, crossing your legs. "My dad worked in there for years, he just retired. My brother works there now."

"I can imagine." Rafe says, tearing his eyes away from the depth of the ravine in front of him to look at you. You look so at home here, he can tell by how you're hunched over so casually tossing pebbles off the cliff that must be a thousand feet deep. Even then, you're not scared. "Do you come here a lot?" 

"Is that a pickup line?" You giggle, leaning back on your palms as you look over at him.

"Well, no, but would it work?" He smirks, placing his hand over yours as he matches your position.

"Only because it's you." You laugh, shaking your head.

"That was the correct answer." Rafe chuckles, looking back down at the giant damn that's filtering water through, powering his family's mansion back home. He thinks of all the hours your dad put in, sometimes sixteen-hour days he recalls him sharing, that he was working in the power plant to keep the lights on at Rafe's kitchen table where he sat with his dad and his sisters rarely uttering a word. The same hours your brother is working now.

"How do you feel about this mentor thing?" You ask out of nowhere. "We start soon."

"I don't know. It'll be weird to be working against you." Rafe replies.

"Don't think of it like that. Besides, what was it you told me, that you have a whole team of them? You probably can just sit back and watch them work." You say, trying to raise his spirits a bit. "That gives us more time to visit."

"I feel like 'visit' is a strong word." Rafe laughs. "Hopefully it'll be more than that." He says, moving over to wrap his arm tightly around your waist, kissing your cheek.

"That would be nice." You agree with a sigh. "I don't know, I just don't know what kind of advice to give. What, find someone you trust? I think we just got lucky."

"You'll be the best mentor." Rafe insists. "I wish I had you."

"I wish we hadn't needed one. I don't want to see kids come through year after year and watch them die. I wish I could make it stop, it all seems so pointless."

"It's about control. They'll never give that up." Rafe shakes his head. "So don't think for a second it's your fault."

"I know... It's just so complicated."

"I'm glad it brought me to you, though." 

You smile, leaning your head on his shoulder.

"Hey!" You're startled by a voice behind you, both of you standing up quickly. "You have to come back." Your brother says, chest heaving from his exertion of running all the way up the hillside.

Rafe relaxes from where he placed himself in front of you at the sound, letting you step in front of him. "What happened?" You ask, seeing the look on his face.

"There's been an announcement." He answers, laboured breathing starting to return to normal. "About the games."

The two of you follow him in silence all the way back, anxiety in both of you spiking after your brother wouldn't answer any more questions. When you walk into the house, you're met with a paused TV, your parents on the couch, and your sister with tear-stained cheeks and reddened eyes. "What happened?" You ask again, hoping to get some answers.

Rafe pulls you close to himself after shutting the front door, leading you into the living room. "Here, um, have a seat, kids." Your mom says, hardly audible as you sit down.

She wipes her eyes as your dad presses play on the television, and it's a rewound clip of the news. Rafe wraps a shaky arm around you on the couch as Caesar Flickerman starts speaking.

"We have a unique announcement today regarding the upcoming, highly anticipated, Seventy-Sixth annual Hunger Games." He starts, and you get tunnel vision as you stare at the screen. "This is a twist no one saw coming on the heels of last year's Quarter-Quell, but President Snow has decided there will be a permanent change in the rules. From now on, any victor remaining under the age of eighteen will once again be eligible for the reaping."

taglist: @bookishbabyyy @madelynie, @whore-4-drewstarkey, @slut4drudy, @winterrrnight, @totalswag, @sadfury @fullfledgedemo @rafemotherfuckingcameron, @urfaveluvr, @chenslucy, @hxnnah-397, @s-we-e-t-t-ea, @tahliac11, @saccharinesammie, @ietss, @maybankslover @redhead1180, @suzyheartsrafe, @wpdailyminimeta, @aegons-bitch, @rafegirly, @lovelyxtommy, @dee127, @r1vrsefx, @gillybear17, @flonkertn, @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbles, @thelomlisrafecameron

[luckybunny555]

Secret admirer

You make the final choice in relation to your secret admirer after the revelation of their motivations.

Amber Freeman x GN!/Fem!Reader(no pronouns but for sapphics)

Warnings: creepy behavior, stalking, cursing, usual Ghostface behavior, a little bit of trust issues, being "attacked" but not harmed, mentions of murder and violence(no big description tho), a little suggestive in the end(as a treat ;) )

a/n: Part 3. I didn't proof-read it. I had to divide it three parts bc I thought it was still too long, so this is the last and shortest one.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

You close your eyes, trying to make sense of everything and calm your mind, that was still taking in her whole monologue. You regain awareness of your body, finally noticing the hand on your hip. The sensation clouded your thoughts again. You open your eyes, feeling her breath mingling with yours. With a deep exhale, you finally speak, "Wait, so..." you start, sounding a bit breathless and confused, "you sent me all those letters? And you attacked Tara, and killed that guy? I don't get it, why did you do all of this?" If her goal was to make you a little scared, there was a whole collection of horror movies waiting for the two of you.

"Because it wasn't enough," she explained with passion, trying to get you to understand her, the side of her that was still new to you. "I needed you closer. I needed you to need me. And only me. Not Tara, not Mindy, or Wes, or Chad," with that, you understand the first attack. She noticed you were getting closer to Tara, but she couldn't go all the way, or you wouldn't forgive her. Or be scared of her, instead of looking for her to protect you. That's not what she wanted. She just had to show you Tara was vulnerable, and couldn't keep you safe like she could.

"And come one, didn't you enjoy it? My gifts, my letters, even the creepy ones?" She asks you with that wicked, charming smirk imprinted on her face again.

"I stopped answering you because I was scared," you emphasize your words. "Because I knew someone was watching me, and I was worried I'd get hurt, or kidnapped or worse," your tone escalates, and your gaze is locked on hers.

"Because you didn't know it was me! But now you do," that smirk won't leave her face, and curse you for your taste, because you love the way she looks right now. "Do you really hate that I was the one keeping an eye on you? That I knew you so fucking well, maybe even better than you know yourself, that I gave you exactly what you wanted and needed?" She asks, and you can tell it's a genuine question.

But you can't bring yourself to answer her, not without judging yourself for it. You know you shouldn't admit it. You know you shouldn't give her the satisfaction. But why would you lie? The anger had mostly passed, and you still loved her. And you didn't even hate it. It felt good, to love and to be loved by her. Most people would beg for an ounce of the effort she puts into you. Who else would kill someone to protect you? Who else would watch over you, and get you out of uncomfortable situations without hesitation, and stay up late to comfort you when you're scared, always being there for you? Who else would remember every single one of your favorite books and movies, listen to every word you say, and be this devoted to you? Who else would become a fucking serial killer just because they love you so much?

She laughs, clearly amused by your silent answer. "See? I'm right. You love it," She's so pleased with herself. You close your eyes in defeat, earning a giggle from the girl. "I know that..." she brings her free hand to your face, brushing your hair behind your ear with a careful, gentle touch. Everything about her was two opposites extremes, "because I know you," she smiles, tilting her head to the side. She carefully gets closer to you, her body softly pressing against yours. "C'mon, baby, just admit it."

You see no point in resisting her any longer. It might've been a sick way to get you, but she wasn't wrong: you loved it. From the mysterious letters to the depth of her devotion. And now that you knew it was her, you weren't so scared anymore. You never got hurt. On the contrary. Everything she had done only kept you safe. And it worked like a love spell, captivating you.

"You're insane," your eyes meet hers, and she once again pretends to be offended by your comment. "But I love you," you confess in surrender, making her smile grow wider. She is clearly pleased with the answer she earned from you. "Can you drop the knife now?" The tension in your body gradually dissipates.

She chuckles, dropping the weapon to the floor. She might be the one in control, but she depends on you. To you, she's harmless.

Hesitantly, you bring your hands up, placing them on the nape of her neck. Your eyes are still locked, and this time, your heart races for a good reason. Her expression is softer, satisfied, yet with a remaining trace of venom. Just how you like it. "You're not gonna hurt me, right?" You had enough proof, but you wanted her to admit it again. She loved the way you sounded sweet and vulnerable.

"Never, baby," her voice is tinged with tenderness, and she places a kiss at the top of your cheek, her hands finding your waist. "Not unless you want me to," she adds, teasing you. With the terror melting away, you finally let out a soft laugh. Amber's attention is focused on your smile, and you notice that.

Gently, you bring her face closer, taking your time to connect your lips. Impatiently, she leans closer, kissing you as her hands pull your body against hers. She smiles against your lips, satisfied for finally getting what she wanted for so long. And you reciprocate it.

The two of you get lost in the moment, her lips staining with passion and satisfaction the memories of the scary scene she just made you experience. Now that you know the source of your fears is Amber, you can enjoy the frightening and exhilarating sensations that come with that. This might be what it feels like to enjoy horror movies, but better. Because right now, you could feel her lips on yours. You feel her hands on your lower back and hip, yours entangled in her hair, and your bodies pressing against each other. You never expected your night to turn out like that, especially not when you were crying for your life just a few minutes ago. But wasn't it worth it?

All the desires and feelings you bottled up for so long were finally spilling out, clear in the way your intensity increased. Amber took that as a silent confirmation of your craving for her, the delight of the achievement consuming her. Knowing how much you wanted, and needed her, filled her with a sense of accomplishment. And she was determined to keep that feeling alive.

Momentarily breaking the kiss, her lips trail down to your jawline. Your left hand grips her arm, pulling her even closer as you giggle in satisfaction. You can feel her smile on your skin, your reaction to her kisses pleasing her, as she continues to leave kisses on your jawline, slowly reaching your neck.

Snapping you out of your trance, the sound of your phone ringing causes Amber to groan, displeased with the unfortunate interruption. She moves away from your neck, scanning your expression. "This time it's not me," she teases, feigning innocence.

You playfully scoff, reluctantly pulling away from her and leaning down to grab your phone, that was still on the floor. It was your mom. Amber attentively observes you as you pick up the call.

"Mom?" mindlessly heading to the kitchen, you wonder why she was calling you.

"Hi, sweety," the familiar voice speaks on the phone. "Did you get home safe? Is everything alright? I didn't want to leave you alone, but I had that meeting, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

You look over your shoulder at Amber, who was picking up her mask and knife from the floor. "Uhm, yeah, everything's fine," Amber looks at you with curiosity and a hint of gratefulness. "Amber's here," you catch the girl's attention again, "I didn't wanna be alone so I asked her to come over. Can she stay for dinner?" Your request earns a smile from Amber as she walks towards you, placing her items on the kitchen counter.

"Oh, she's there? Of course, sweetheart, I'll get home soon," your mom sounds pleased with the idea. Obviously because she doesn't know the whole story. But she wouldn't get it. "Amber's a good girl, I like her," she adds.

Her words make you chuckle, and Amber, overhearing the conversation, tilts her head to the side in amusement. "I also think that," you smile, playfully teasing the girl in front of you, despite the truth in your statement.

Once the call ends, Amber can't hide the satisfaction on her face. "I'm a good girl?" she continues to tease you, making you giggle.

"Amber, don't start," you don't resist the urge, kissing her once more. "You better hide this whole costume or you'll lose your nice reputation with my mom," Amber nods, pretending to be concerned.

You look at the box she sent you earlier, then look at her with a pout and annoyed expression, "I can't believe you cut my favorite plushie's head off. That's cruel."

She gives you a mockingly apologetic look, "don't worry, babe, I'll fix it."

The both of you put away the props from Amber's staged attack, hiding the traces of Ghostface's appearance. You would never give away her identity, not now that you knew you had Ghostface infatuated with you. In return, you mentally vowed to protect Amber too, in your own way. With that, she maintained her cool and careless attitude around your friends, her sweet and caring image around your family, and her obsessive, devoted and endlessly loving demeanor with you, and you only.

[echoes-of-mia]

okay this is a long ramble and kinda personal, so bear with me, but i want to talk about being aspec in the joker out fandom bc I'm full of emotions and i need to share them somewhere

(just a short warning for internalised aphobia before i go on)

for context, i identify as aspec, more specifically asexual and some flavour of aromantic. I've known about the ace part for about 3-4 years now, the aro part is more recent and I'd say that before, lets say, a couple of months ago, I'd always seen that as something negative, something that makes me miserable, a deficit that will always be there and that others will never understand

and then i joined the (tumblr) joker out fandom around... june of last year, probably? and at first i thought "theres no way there are many queer people in this fandom, its essentially a boyband, and other aspec people? no way"

well, oh boy was i wrong

because not only is this fandom, like what, 90% queer? (i know someone made a poll at some point but i dont remember the percentages) but it's also around 50% aspec. and there's just this general positivity and support surrounding the a-spectrum in the fandom. like, some days ago there was an aphobic comment somewhere and before i even saw it my dash was FLOODED with people defending aspec people and i was just sitting in the kitchen reading through the posts and crying.

and yes, this is tumblr, i could have seen this coming and it's probably different on other platforms, but so many aspec people in one place, in one fandom, is still something that I've never experienced before.

so why are so many aspec people drawn to a slovenian indie/shagadelic rock band that, at first glance, is just 5 very good-looking probably-straight guys making music? that doesnt really make sense, right?

and then you see how much more they are. how they interact with each other. how comfortable they are in their sexualities, in their masculinity, in being themselves. you see a group of friends that love each other so unashamedly it's a bit unbearable to watch sometimes. you don't see them holding back because "thats not their partner!" or "that's reserved for romantic relationships!", you just see love. you see them supporting each other, being physically affectionate, looking out for each other, laughing together, even living together. vse kar vem could easily be a romantic song, but it's about their friendship!!

and what is all of that, if not THE dream of many aspec people? to be okay with not feeling sexual or romantic attraction because you have your group of friends that you love the same amount as allosexual/-romantic people love their partner(s) and to show it, and to know that they love you the same (and won't replace you with romantic partners) because they also show it, without thinking twice about it, without thinking about how others might interpret your relationship because it just doesn't matter as long as you love each other.

so of course aspec people see themselves in joker out. we see hope for ourselves in them, we are probably a little (or in my case very) jealous of their friendship, we want what they have or we just love to finally see real people live with the sort of affection we would like to have. (just to clarify, this is based mostly on what i feel, so other aspecs might feel completely different about this, idk why I'm trying to generalise this)

and this is about all five of them, but to take jan and nace as an obvious example: they love each other so much that the fans start to speculate, and they know about it. but instead of hiding their affection, they just keep on doing what they're doing. because they know how they feel for each other, and it's no one else's business, and they won't be stopping their love just because of "conspiracy theories". and to me it doesn't matter how they love each other (platonic, romantic, whatever), it matters that they do and that you can't help but notice it, because they show it in every interaction we see of them. the damon baker photoshoot just confirmed that, they look at each other and the amount of love makes me cry, it's so incredibly beautiful.

(just some other things i want to mention: them probably cooking mostly potatoes because nace is glutenfree. nace calming down bojan after his panic attack in summer. jan and bojan casually kissing on the lips during a concert. the jure and bojan getting married photoshoot. bojan touching kris's hair during concerts. kris being carried around during a photoshooting. jure and jan drawing a heart together. them gathering around jure's drumset during concerts. i could go on but for my sanity and yours i won't, there are so many moments that just make me soft)

I'd love to be more physically affectionate with my friends, but every time there's this voice in the back of my head saying what society has conditioned it to say, which is that that kind of affection is reserved for romantic relationships, and this voice stops me every time. i feel like bojan, jan, jure, kris and nace either don't have that voice (anymore?) or they've just managed to ignore it, they don't hold back and i admire that as much as i wish i could be like that.

and while i still have a long way to go until i can be affectionate with my friends without worrying about it or holding myself back, joker out have shown me that it's possible, because of them i finally have days on which i think that i can be aspec and actually happy about it. being aspec finally feels as freeing as it should feel and I'm just grateful

joker out has allowed so much queer joy into my life without intending to and although i don't think anyone i know irl will ever understand this, i hope that some of you can relate to this in some way.

I've said this a lot during the past two weeks but i can never say it enough: all the love to my fellow aspecs, and also to all the non-aspec people who support us <3

feel free to add to this if you want to; my dms are always open if you want to talk about it without posting about it, i love hearing other people's thoughts about stuff like this ^^

[callie-the-creator]

boyfriend!coryxkenshin hcs

sfw. this was also posted on my wattpad, so there is no point to accuse me of plagiarism or anything

• you already know cory is a hopeless romantic aka...the best type of partner! you lucky thing! you scored yourself the best of the best

• cory has not one ounce of toxicity in his very soul

— "he's a good man, savannah, a GOOD man. 😤"

• oh, what's that? you gave cramps either from your menstruation cycle or they just popped out from nowhere?

— this man would do everything in his power to make sure that you're comfortable and have everything you have to make yourself feel better

— he definitely wouldn't make fun of you or belittle you if it was because of your period (unlike those boyfriends😒)

• you already know that you'll make a few special appearances in his videos whether that be sss episodes or playing games specifically made for couples or ones that allow multiplayer

— it takes two, the dark pictures anthology, cuphead, you name it! you'll just have to motivate him enough to finish the games though since that's where he falls short...🫢

• but for the important question! what is his love language?

— personally, it's to each their own on the topic, but this is what i think: as much as i want to say physical touch, i feel like he's more of a quality time type of guy, you know? even if he does youtube, he still takes breaks and you can bet that he'll spend most of that time with you!

• there is not one dull moment as long as you're with him

• wouldn't be able to stop smiling if he caught you wearing his merch or any of his clothes for that matter...just not his puka shell necklace. never his necklace. ☝️ that's a big no-no

• he's definitely the type of bf who would play songs that remind him of you

— *cries into pillow uncontrollably*

• and when he is recording, you are known to bring him snacks or water and wave 'hi' to the camera

— but i'd doubt he'd need any snacks since this main usually has skittles, now and laters, and nutrigrain bars stockpiled in his recording room.

• if you text him randomly, he'll make a big deal about it and be all giddy. you make him so happy! 🥺

— also, if he's too scared while playing a horror game and dashie isn't picking up the phone, you're the second-best option for decisions! but you know what they say..."with great power comes great responsibility"

• personally, i don't think he's neutral on the topic of pda, but he's the subtle type bc he wants to be careful to not make you uncomfortable, especially when you two are out in public.

• since he's known to record really late at night, he'd do anything in his power to be quiet and not wake you up during his 3 scary games or his spooky scary sunday videos

— if he happened to wake you up by his screaming would definitely deadpan the camera and be like, "now why did you have to go and wake up my gf? 😐"

— deny deny deny, as rodrick heffley would say.

• we already know cory likes his anime, so i'm saying that you would binge-watch all types of shows and movies together. but, again, you'll need to motivate and encourage him a lot since he has trouble finishing stuff or gaining interest in shows

• would want cuddles or just to hang out with you if he got too upset over a game

— he has rage quit a few times

• cory would let you sit on his lap while he plays games in his spare time

— he will kiss your head or shoulder randomly. he'd also keep on hand pressed against the small of your back to support you, to make sure that you won't fall off. 💔 you guys are so cute togetherrrr

• his fans love you. i have nothing more to add to this.

• fanart and edits!! different youtubers garner different communities, and some are more likely to make fanart than others, but cory's has the best of both worlds! though, his fandom leans more towards the editing side of things, so expect lots to pop up on your fyp

• i feel like there would be a few videos like “3 minutes of cory being soft with his s/o” or, even better: “cory and y/n being the best couple for 8 minutes” compilations going around on youtube, tiktok, reddit, etc.

…that’s all i got! until next time <3

[youremyheaven]

Can you elaborate on your experiences with goddess worship? 🩷🩷

I started my journey with goddess worship in 2022. Chanting has always appealed to me and chanting mantras (beej mantras of the deity in question) while visualising the deity is how it started for me. I was drawn to a certain Goddess almost instinctively even though I did not know much about her up until that point and connecting with her energy made me feel really good. I felt bodily sensations that felt powerful and by chanting, it's akin to embodying the energy of the Goddess within yourself and making yourself sacred??? I remember how during the height of my practice, I'd get told often that I emanate a certain "glow" and that I had a very sage like aura lmao. I just remember being stared at often and being perceived in an almost exalted way.

However late 2022- much of 2023 was a tough time for me and I fell out of touch with my practice and really suffered as a result. I felt myself go haywire, I gained more weight, my hair was falling out in chunks, my skin was breaking out and it's like I did a 180 😭 I felt really lost spiritually and otherwise and struggled to feel any kind of balance. And these had very physical repercussions for me.

Then obviously, I found my way back and I regained fresh perspective and how important my practices including Goddess worship have been in shaping my internal landscape. Several months ago, I struggled with severe anxiety and it was prayer that helped me get through it. During those times yoga did feel a bit mechanical or robotic but I kept doing it simply because I'd rather do it than not do it.

Finding my way back into the practice has taught me so much. Spirituality is truly a calling and no matter how much you read/research/practice, unless the Divine calls you, you will remain blind to the true nature of living. This is not to discourage anyone, in fact I suggest deep diving into it yourself and see what you gain from it. It's worthwhile to keep showing up everyday until you're called in further.

Also no spiritual practice makes you invulnerable. You're still human and you'll still make mistakes and be hurt/upset but you will have more grace moving through these experiences. You'll suffer less than others who make suffering their entire personality. One cannot embody the Goddess without also embodying her boundless mercy, infinitude reservoir of strength and tranquility.

It's always amusing to me when people say things like "oh why did the goddess not give you $5 billion and your dream life, what's even the purpose of worship them???" or "how can you be spiRitUaL when you watch movies/listen to music/are involved with men???". Being spiritually evolved does not mean you turn into a Zen master who lives in a cave.

The Goddess is not a vending machine. You want xyz things bc we live in a capitalist society where you're taught to value them. The Goddess gives you internally and when you're sorted within, you can make strides in life. Obviously she also often throws miracles your way but it's important to understand that the purpose of prayer and worship is not making $$$ or whatever. Im not saying you shouldn't pray for money or material things just that you shouldn't look at prayer as some kind of quick fix for financial woes???

You can still have a life, hobbies, interests etc and you don't have to "transcend" beyond them. You don't become less Zen by shaking your ass to Nicki Minaj 😬

However it will be hard to be a part of stan culture and celebrity worship because you won't care anymore and it won't feel right?? We worship money, fame and celebrities because our soul craves for connection and worship is inherently a part of our making. But it's important to not worship false gods (like money, fame and celebrities). Remember you are what you worship.

My personality has changed remarkably in the last couple of years and maybe even every few months, i feel like a new person and that's another feature of one's evolution. It's easier to accept and imbibe fresh insights and be comfortable with growth and change.

The concept of mantra purusha (which is different but similar to all the chanting ive been doing all along) is still very new to me (thank you to that anon who lmk about it) but Im reading David Frawley's book and it's all kind of coming together.

Goddess worship helps me feel connected to a profound nurturing spirit, a tranquil cosmic bliss, divine sensuality and ultimate peace and abundance.

All that said, do not start your Goddess worship unless you're prepared to commit to it daily and tbh once you start and feel its effect, you probably will want to worship everyday hehe

its actually helped me embody femininity in a way that did not feel limiting instead more transcendent, powerful and beyond whatever society tells you to be.

[your-turn-to-role]

so im getting to the end of my finally watching exu calamity

for the most part i haven't really made posts on my reactions here bc most of what i'd have to say has already been said, i've been seeing those meta posts around since calamity came out

but god the one unexpected thing about loquatius and laerryn i can't get over is just all of aabria's little reactions to quay's choices here

like. i know laerryn loves him as much as he loves her, but she's not good at showing it. she's deeply pragmatic, which means while loquatius is having huge moment after huge moment illustrating just how much he's willing to sacrifice for her, she's making sure she can do her job. because she has to. even if that means leaving him to die in the calix chamber, because she couldn't have saved him, and if she died trying then the whole world would be lost

but at the same time, she did all of this for him. it was so important to her to finish the leywright that solstice, because she has a longer lifespan than quay, and he wouldn't be with her to see the next one. she was distraught when she felt him slip away from her over the telepathic bond, even though she'd chosen to let it happen

part of the reason their marriage failed the first time is they just don't talk. there's so little communication between the two, not just on laerryn's side. quay has the big moments, yes, but how many of those does laerryn even know happened? she doesn't know that he fired elena to protect her from being blamed for evandrin. she doesn't know he prerecorded a broadcast to be played in the event of his death, that would tell the city not about laerryn's mistakes, but that it was loquatius himself who failed them, and laerryn tried everything she could to save the city. she doesn't know that he turned down a call from his queen and his family to come home and be protected from the apocalypse, bc he'd rather die trying to save laerryn, avalir, and his new family, than live without them

but aabria does.

and that gives way to the tiniest most hard hitting fourth wall breaks

like when quay turns his back on the seelie queen's offer - aabria immediately gives a small "no, no, you have to go"

laerryn needs him here. the story needs him here. there is no benefit to quay leaving, except that quay would be alive, and that's what laerryn desparantly wants, so it comes out in aabria

when we get to the climax, too, the big fight where all they're trying to do is keep laerryn alive long enough to activate the leywright, and it gets to quay's last turn? the first thing aabria says is "run. run."

laerryn is pragmatic. aabria knows this is a tragedy, and has been so far the most gung ho about playing into the tragedy. from a pragmatic perspective, loquatius should stay with laerryn, it gives the world a better chance of survival. narratively, loquatius should stay with laerryn bc that's how this story is supposed to go. and personally, loquatius should stay with laerryn because he can't bear to do anything else

but twice, she tells him to leave. because in this story where every single character is forced to reckon with which they love more, their city or their family - laerryn chose the city once. more than once. here at the end of all things, she won't do it again

[neighboringheart]

I'm not 100% if you are super into the TFA BlitzBee ship (in my mind I've decided that you are the obligatory transformers expert here lol) But do you know why that ship is so popular in terms with who Bumblebee gets shipped with ?

I haven't watched Transformers Animated in ages so I don't remember if there were any specfic moments in the show that highlighted their dynamic to be potentially ship worthy.

Or was BlitzBee just a crack ship that eventually got popular ?

I feel too embarrassed to do proper research via Google on my own so I thought I could drop you an ask.

Hope you are having a nice week ! 🍀

oh buddy you are asking a guy who only got into transformers like a few months ago lol so like I can't give you any history or anything but as someone who fuckin LOVES BlitzBee for me it's a combination of fun size difference, cross-faction tension, and also of course how funny they are in combination (in terms of canon interactions I think about Bee pissing off Blitzwing so fast he turned into a tank in midair a lot bc it's hilarious)

idk why it's popular but I'm glad it is bc I get to see and read them kiss so so much and it's great but ofc I love Bumblebee like A LOT so in general I enjoy seeing ships with him and TFA has a lot of really fun ship potential for him (some of them very rare but that's okay I won't be sad about it (<- I'm lying orz gonna have to make my own food with the bestie bc she gets me))

so yeah I'd say it's probably bc they're fun and people like them lol I know that's a big part of it for me I like to make the sillies kiss and put them in situations and maybe make them suffer on occasion :]

thanks for the ask! 💕 I hope you are having a nice week as well :D

[irregularcollapse]

One of the ones I had picked out you already answered but here's two more if you want to 😇: 💖🤩

Yes of course my dear!! These are interesting and I'm quite blabby atm

💖 What made you start writing?

i write because i love stories, and i know what stories make me feel, so i want to give that to other people. i write because i have things i want to say about love, and it's the best soapbox i have. i write because i love words and what they can do. i write because i love people, and i want to know people better, and i think that writing is the most i can give. i don't know if i fully understand the concept of love languages, but i think that if writing stories were a love language then that would be mine.

i started writing CaPri fic because i reread the books early last year (i first read them 2013-14ish) and they were fun. i hadn't been able to write anything in a few years; i was very ill, and then i got a hodgkin's lymphoma diagnosis, and then i had chemo, and then. then what?

the thing they don't really tell you about cancer recovery is that the all clear is not the all clear, because your body and brain still remember and it can hit you at the most random times in the most random places. i couldn't make my brain do what it was supposed to do: i couldn't focus on reading; i couldn't work my imagination; i couldn't write. i thought that nothing could be as bad as cancer, but actually, worse than cancer was the knowledge that i had lost stories. i thought i'd never get them back, and it would always be this reminder that i may have recovered physically but my biggest joy was gone, so what was the point?

on a whim, i reread CaPri. i was also taking a lot of baths at the time, due to chronic pain (physical recovery didn't last long, it seems). while in the bath, i'd watch Outlander, because i'd seen it before and it was sort of trashy and crazy and overblown. sidenote, when i first saw it, i gave up halfway through the third season bc it just got too absurd for me. anyway, i was taking Outlander baths, and then i also managed to finish a CaPri reread within a couple of days. it's a little bit funny that they are really not long books lmao but anyway

an idea sort of spawned, and then it sprouted, and then it grew. i was not expecting to be able to sustain it, but i always say that you should take inspiration where it comes and do what you can with it. so i did what i could with it. and i took the story where i wanted to take it. and i wrote about love: finding love, of course, a mythological and life-altering love, but more than that, learning to love yourself and reach the fullness of what you know you are capable of. it's more of a personal story than it may seem, and not even because i project onto Laurent all that much (i actually think i connect a bit more to Damen's insecurities, but i digress). because Laurent's story of self-actualisation was actually happening in real-time for me, as i was writing: while he was gaining his strength and finding his purpose and falling in love, i was also strengthening my writing; i was creatively purposeful once more; writing loved me back again. and like Laurent, i'm going to hold onto it with everything i have. i won't let it be taken away again.

🤩 Who is your favorite character to write?

DAMEN. I love to write him from Laurent's POV; I love to get inside his head as well. His dry humour is especially fun for me, but I also think there is such meat in his anxieties and insecurities, and everything that weighs on him. I think people find it easier to recognise the peeling of Laurent's layers, and that for some reason they don't see Damen's so much: to show that happening in EIAT, the vulnerability he gradually allows that shows the building trust he has in Laurent, was one of the most intimate things for me. I'm absolutely loving the chance to do it again from his own perspective in ASTTE. It is once again a story about learning to love oneself, which means something quite different for Damen than it does for Laurent. I'm so keen to share it with everyone!

Thanks for these questions again <3 I appreciate you so much!

(Questions from this ask game!!)

[kissesforsatoru]

I prob should’ve ask but this is a nsfw ask for the event so I hope thats ok

Ask for: Baji, Mikey, Waka (nsfw)

What if you snuck in bc you would- into darling house to find them on their bed playing with themselves with a toy but darling seems frustrated on how to use the toy on themselves

cw : smut (assuming it's consensual but you guys can decide)

mikey : oh, my poor baby. depends on my mood how i would react. like, usually i'll take the toy from them and just fuck them myself 'cause i'm obviously better thaan a toy, right? but, i might just wanna watch them struggle until they're begging for my help. would just direct them but won't touch until i'm satisfied with their cute little cries and pleas for help my help, you know, show 'em i'm the only one that can make them feel good.

baji : the hell are they using a toy for when they have me? i'd make them feel way fucking better than that stupid thing. don't matter what they use, my mouth, my fingers, my cock, hell even just rubbing themselves on me will have them writhing. i'm the only one capable of making them see stars, just gotta prove that to them. that's probably what they wanted anyway, acting all pitiful so i'd come help them. they're fucking lucky i can't control myself otherwise i'd make them suffer for being a little brat.

wakasa : it would be cruel of me not to help my poor darling, no? gotta teach my baby how to pleasure themselves properly if i'm ever unable to. but that won't really be necessary cause i'll always be there to help them feel good. 'sides, i can and will make them feel triple the amount of pleasure if i just fuck them instead of use a toy. hell, i can probably make them feel better letting them use my thigh than if they use some toy.

have a question for your yandere lover? ask them! ⟶ masterlist

[jklovesfandoms]

I CAN'T SLEEP, AND MY BRAIN WON'T SHUT UP, SO HERE WE GO BOYS

Ricky Potts deserved to have a mobility aid for the whole show (homeboy literally had crutches for basically his entire life, in the old licensing) bc as someone who uses a mobility aid when his ankle pain gets too much to walk with, I'd know that HOMEBOY WOULD STRUGGLE AT LEAST A LITTLE TO GET USED TO WALKING UNASSISTED! Plus I want to see SABM with crutches, it'd literally be amazing. (Yes, I do have a plan to film a dance video for SABM with my mobility aid and in cosplay in the hopefully near future, why do you ask?)

Why is Noel the most romantic boy in town? MISCHA IS STANDING RIGHT THERE, KARNAK!!! Jk, I love both of them, and while I understand why they each have their own "___est/most _____ person in town" I firmly believe that Mischa Bachinski deserves that title.

Also, I may be aroacespec, but like... Man, I'd kill to be Talia or Mischa, like imagine feeling that much love in your heart, and knowing that someone holds that much love for you, just :)

Also, Mischa's speech at the beginning of Talia literally HAD to be his wedding vows. They fit perfectly, and tbh, made me cry the first 5 times I watched the bootleg. Just the pure passion, and love, and joy Misha has for Talia, and how he represents that in his vow-like speech genuinely made me tear up and sob. Once again, aroace over here, literally have had romantic and sexual attraction explained to me SO MANY TIMES, and full on didn't get it until I watched and heard the pure happiness and joy in Mischa's voice during that speech :,) I love him, so much

Constance is literally an amazing character (along with the rest of the choir, literally every single character in this show is amazing) and she deserved better! In the current licensing (which yes, I get it, people don't like it, but hey, it's really good live, don't cut it down before it starts) she's literally amazing, and so kind the entire show, and honestly really just done with Ocean being Ocean, which is really funny. Also, idc about what people say about the current licencing, the preplanned improv group was the funniest shit I've seen. Especially the "Oh, heroin? Okay... Ooh cocaine? If I must! Bath salts for everybody!" That's so funny, and it's even more funny when it's a performance and not just a line on a script. Also, her bumper has actually made me cry so many times. Like, I had to pause the (totally.... Totally legal) bootleg to sob my heart out for several minutes.

Anyways, my alarm to go to school goes off in 3 hours, and I've not slept yet, so let's see how exhausted I am, especially since I have a 14 hour day tomorrow (today?) Gn!

[darklight-owl]

Do you think Hershel and/or Phoenix would be able to solve the Death Note Kira case?

*cracks knuckles*

I made a post about this months ago but I think a lot of what I said there was really dumb bc it had been a while since I'd played either series so I'm gonna take this opportunity to correct my past self's wrong and bad opinions:

(Oh also I uh. May have included a few Death Note spoilers in the last paragraph of Phoenix's part sorry. I needed it to prove a point)

Hershel:

Definitely like no question. I originally said no on the basis that he isn't the type to take supernatural things at face value, but in reality he does seem to approach even the weirder cases with an open mind. Most games start with Luke being like "Professa do you really think there could be a notebook that kills people? :o" and Layton answering like "haha I'm afraid I can't really say Luke =|:-)" so I think he'd examine everything from every angle and eliminate every other possibility. He would take his sweet time since getting him to accept the Death Note as a real thing wouldn't exactly be easy, but once he's convinced then the rest would come naturally.

The other question is if he could survive, though. Obviously he would have the tact to hide his real name based on the possibility of Kira's power being real, especially if he's with Luke (which I don't even know if he would bring Luke along for this one considering how dangerous investigating Kira is). He does tend to appear a lot on british newspapers but since Light is in Japan then he wouldn't know about him beforehand. Regardless, Light has found out the names of his pursuers before and if he had Misa with him he could just ask her to write his name down. BUT ALSO. Layton has a tendency to not show his hand until the most convenient time, so odds are that Light won't even know he's pursuing him until it's too late.

Verdict: yeah he'll do great put him in the Task Force 👍

Phoenix:

It highly depends on the circumstances. Phoenix catches killers in court, so we're assuming someone already got falsely accused of being Kira. Light has a lot of followers who would gladly take the fall for him (namely Misa or Mikami) or alternatively lie their asses off to let him walk free. Everyone who's played Ace Attorney knows that you can't really lie to Phoenix without getting exposed though, so yeah.

Regarding the Death Note mechanics... honestly Phoenix works with a spirit medium channeling his dead teacher all the time so I don't see how he would have such a hard time believing shinigami with murder notebooks exist. (Edgeworth would be a completely different story but that's another case altogether.)

Problem is: he wouldn't so much as step into the court before suffering a heart attack. Not only does he not get a chance to hide his name thanks to court proceedings, but Phoenix is a pretty prestigious lawyer and even if he was only locally famous like Layton it wouldn't take long in the trial for Light to realize that this guy is bad news for him. Best case scenario he would try to debate away the accusations thrown at him, then when he realizes he's getting his ass kicked he'd desperately try to write Phoenix's name in that little slip of notebook he has in his watch. That's what he tried with Near, except this time he has the chance to hide what he's doing behind the witness stand and no Matsuda to stop him in his tracks.

Verdict: He could catch him but he would die in the process 💔

[rainingfishandfrogs]

Sailor Moon Thoughts - i know i'm 10yrs late but Crystal's not that bad actually

so i recently got back into sailor moon

grew up on the english dub 90s anime (watch the jpn sub in 9th grade)

had only read the manga once in the past and that was in college; however i just recently bought the first 2 volumes of the collector's edition (just finished V2 actually!)

but this is my first time watching Crystal (mostly bc when it was first coming out there was so much backlash and hate and it made me turn away from it)

now that i've read volumes 1&2 and watched S1 i gotta say...when compared to the manga Crystal's honestly not that bad and i'd say overall pretty faithful

Spoilers for Sailor Moon Crystal!

Usagi and Mamoru

first thing's first! mamoru's age is fixed! fucking yay!

in both the manga and crystal he's a 16yr old 2nd year high school kid! not a 1st year college student dating at 14yr old little girl! he and usagi compliment each other and it really shows in crystal imo

90s-SM fleshes out this couple individually more in the first season and i'm in love with that and they have some really sweet moments and i still ship it ofc i do BUT the age difference got so iffy and squeakable for me when watching again as a grown ass adult!

some of usagi's emotional intelligence is downplayed and she sometimes comes off as even younger than she is and that makes the ship feel uneven and i just keep thinking "there he goes off with his child bride 👋🏽" and it really doesn't help that they animated mamoru looking so much older and acting like a mature 20-something (even tho yes, he's closer to 18 but an 18yr old dating a 14yr old is still so squeakable to me)

the manga is where this ship thrives and it's more believable that they fall for each other especially bc they're on more equal footing but crystal adds in a scene in S1 that i personally love that's when sailor moon and tuxedo mask are fighting zoisite toward the middle of the season (before venus shows up)

i'm massively paraphraseing but in this scene usagi doesn't just tell but shows mamoru through her tears and pained expression that she understands he's deeply lonely and that it hurts her, she doesn't want that for him, she wants to do everything in her power to make sure he never feels that way again

and mamoru tells her that SHE is everything he wants and he doesn't need a magical stone to find out who he is and where he belongs not when she's standing beside him bc her strength and kindness are inspiring and he's not afraid or lonely when around her

"i won't let you be alone anymore" / "seeing your strength makes me so happy" couples are my downfall and this scene cracks me right open

and this is BEFORE they regain their memories i'm fucking dead!

5/5🌙

English Dub

i vaguely remember ppl shitting on the English dub of Crystal and yes i watched it in Japanese first but the English dub is actually really great?! especially when compared to the 90's English dub!! i love Usagi's VA and i think all the voices match the characters pretty well

4.5/5🌙

The Transformations and Character Designs

okay so those 3D transformations are bad

the animation is really jarring at first and yeah it's not good i don't like it but after a while you just sort of...idk get used to it and it's not a make-or-break thing imo now did the 90s anime do it better? fuck yeah! but by the end of the season i just felt meh about them and barely cared

1/5🌙

i remember the character designs getting A. LOT. of hate and yeah i agree that they are too sharp and angular and that the manga was more a cross between the 90s and crystal character designs - but that's another thing you get used to and also doesn't that get fixed later?

plus idk i kind like that both animated versions each take one end of the spectrum with the manga in the middle 🤷🏾‍♀️

2/5🌙

The Big One

okay now the big one - the supposed past love between the 4 heavenly kings and the inner planet guardians that wasn't in the manga and definitely not in the 90s version where these guys are handled more interestingly

i think this subby-subplot that's not even really a subplot is stupid and doesn't amount to anything and doesn't actually make a ton of sense if earthlings and...and moonlings being together is forbidden the serenity had to SNEAK AWAY to see her earth prince and it does sort of take away some of the tragedy that is serenity and endymion's doomed love

like i was going "what was the point of that" when the kings all die and the sailor girls are weeping for 2secs before getting back to busniess and i get wanting to expand more on all 8 of these characters, but that's not how you do it - 90s-SM expanded on these characters better because plot points were stretched out and we got to know the characters more slowly over a longer period of time (plus 2 of the kings were lovers! that's cute as hell!!)

basically this whole thing was shoved into the story last minute with very minimal build up barely any conclusion and it's really uninteresting

0.3/5🌙 (only bc venus dropping a few hints every few episodes was done well enough-ish but it was still stupid in the end and shouldn't have been included the way it was)

Conclusion

even with that though crystal still isn't that bad - overall it's actually pretty good and i love experiencing the manga coming to animated live

the OST is beautiful! and even tho NOTHING tops the 90s theme song that crystal usamamo love theme is fucking gorgeous 😍 in fact all the music in crystal is top teir imo

i do miss the focus on the female friendship tho and kinda wish crystal took some of that 90s-SM female friendship focus BUT 90s-SM just had so much more time to work with and at the end of the day SM is a romance so i understand why the anime adapting the manga more closely focused on the romance more heavily (and that usamamo scene i talked about above is still so. damn. good!)

anyway if you're like me and didn't bother watching crystal bc the hate and backlash when it first came out i say give it a try

it's still cute and still sailor moon and so far it's getting a 4/5🌙

i'll probably do another one of these when i finish S2 (jon and eng) and the volumes it adapted

[icycream24]

Silver and Espio for the ask meme? :>

hehehe my favs hehee🤤🤤🤤

SILVER:

I think most ppl don't know, but I used to really dislike Silver when I was first introduced to this character online. Not a game, no no, but YouTube AMV vids of this dude with cutesy shippy art of Silvaze. His portrayal was so degraded to me (I was 11 at that time?) that I believed he was a self-insert character for some popular artists to ship themselves with Blaze, in the girl-boss dynamic. Ofc, I looked for more info online and realised Silver was an actual character.

At that time I was playing Sonic Riders Zero Gravity and only unlocked Shadow/Rouge/Cream. After knowing what characters were avaliable, I tried my best to unlock the rest, including Silver. I also did not like his voice in English at that time, so much that I decided to switch the voice-overs to Japanese. And I also did not like it 😂 Not because it was grading! But more like, I was shocked by the drastic difference between the two. Kid me had to decide which portrayal I prefer more (ofc not aware of narrative difference of the scripts, I just chose based on my preference) and ended up with Japanese bc I vibe with the calm seriousness in the voice more. Eventually I did get used to both voices after more exposure of this character, watching playthrough videos online.

Talking about watching 06, I was not expecting him to be so different from my first impression of this "whiny/incapable/loser" kid. Silver actually was serious about fighting for his future, like a dedicated soldier. Blaze was *not* the girl-boss, she was on equal grounds with Silver. (Really... I was like 11/12, now that I think about it, how come ppl's comprehension skills so drastically apart that we can get totally different character interpretations?) I started to find charming traits on Silver, and that was when I started looking up for this character's info more & more.

And then I discovered the Rivals series. I watched the whole thing, 1&2, and this Espio character... Wait they're kinda nice tgt. (it was year 2012?? AAAAA I can't believe I'm still insane about Espilver/Silvespio, they're my sons now at this point 😭✨) I remember using Skype and talked about the ✨chemistry✨ between Silver & Espio, and my friend said I was tripping 😭

Anyway here's Espio:

At that time I didn't have that much knowledge on Espio, I just thought their Eng voice in Heroes sounded like he's dying in a few years with how gruff & grandpa it sounded LOL. Mostly I only draw him with Silver bc I realised no one shipped these two back then. (there was ppl but there was no tags for them) So I felt like, no, impossible. I need to COOK for them! So I started shipping them like FedEx with my limited skills 🥴

My Espio appriciation was mainly started by shipping him with Silver. As I reflect on why I enjoy this ship so much, I dug up traits that I like about Espio. He was helpful, supportive, and overall has a rather peaceful way of communicating with others (aka SILVER hhh). Compared to other characters, especially in Rivals, he was really chill and kept his head clear, and unconditionally aided Silver simply bc he knew he was helping someone with a good cause. Such admirable traits that I'd say are pretty rare even irl.

Still, Espio did not have that much screen time. His portrayal in my mind I do admit was half canon, half fanon. Silly ninja with goofy teammates that values teamwork & is capable of aiding others, plus saint-like patience & wisdom. (Haha...really, a lot of his traits are get from Rivals 2, his ways of interacting with individuals was way more informative than games & anime shows combined 🤧)

But yeah, with time I like these 2 characters even more, started to make all kinds of headcanons that I won't be able to elaborate here. The texts are already getting too long here 😂 I've imagined them, either tgt or separately, in fluff/angst/spice/AU/wholesome/dead dove/anything really bc I just enjoy these two so much 💕

It's kinda selfish to say, but with how little Espilver there was during that time, it was almost like they got a clean slate & I was not swayed by any other ppl's interpretation of these two for a few years. And ofc by time these two surely became my favorite characters. LOL I realised in my busy years of not drawing often, Silver & Espio were the only characters I drew 😂

UGGGHHHAA I love these two sm 😭✨ thanks for asking hahah I wanna talk about them all day 🤧✨

[mrhowells]

Smallville 4x04

There's no way he didn't time that, my dude was deadass waiting at his locker until she walked past so he could annoy her😭😭

AND to show off his jacket, that's adorable🥹

hehehehehe

(Their progression is just so---, from this to "I would love to hear about it." POETIC CINEMA😭)

Clark showing his jacket to everyone stoppppp🥹🥹 Somebody tell him it looks good please

Lex I think you should find a less weird way to make amends, no offense👀 Yeaaahhhh I knew that would be Clark's reaction😬

Let the madness begin

"I finally understand why it never worked with Clark." ohgod "I wasn't devoted to him." OHGOD

Nothing was going to stop Lois from writing that article after they provoked her like that, she's coming for their asses

"Just got my headline." SEEEE (also Lois you're so cool date me pls)

I'm not ready for the next scene

Clark wants to unexist so bad right now😭

LMAOOOOOO Clark I'm so sorry💀💀

"The problem is, I'm not over Lana yet. Sometimes I think I never will be."

I know something that you don't😌😏

"Oh sweetheart. There's somebody out there for you. I know it."

QUEEN MARTHA & I KNOW SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T

I love that Clark is going to her for advice about this stuff😭😭

Lana got like 10 times more adorable this season wtf😭

Clark thinking she came to watch him practice, I hate to tell you this but she's dating your coach bestie💀💀

this is peak comedy actually I'm cackling PLEASEEEE

I'm really feeling Clark's pain this episode for some reason

Clark and Lois teaming up is the content I love and deserve😌😌

no because if she looked at me like that I'd be on one fucking knee immediately LOIS CHILL😭

I'm squealing omg look at themmmmm

I just love the way he says her name don't ask me why

plskasjsks they're comedians

she's so adorable I can't😭😭

Lois being super grossed out, same bestie, same💀

WHY ARE THEY SO FUNNY I'M SCREAMING

Clark I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I really am💀 The way he immediately runs to hide behind Chloe and Lois💀💀💀

"She was attacked by a crazy plumber." The way Clark just moves on from that statement LMAOOOO

"Oh, nice, Clark. You know you only have one thing to do." "Me? You're closer to the door." "Okay, so it's automatically my fault?"

full on married to each other years before they even start dating🤡🤡

His face journeys when she drags him are everything😌

"When you were in the loft, you told me to stay away from your girl. Who were you talking about?"

they know my weakness, they know it so well😭😭

I'm so glad Clark and Chloe are being upfront about how they feel

"But don't worry, I'll visit." "Is that a promise or a threat?" *short pause for eye sex* *shoulder punch to defuse the tension* "See you around, Smallville"

their episode endings are the best bc I'm just smiling like an idiot (trying not to think about the fact that she won't be there for the next 4 episodes or sth😭)