#i know im not as active anymore but i put a lot of work into everything i do

[marsixm]

ive actually put myself in so many situations and seem to come out doing socially well, youd think at some point i could get it in my head im not irredeemably bad

[southpark-realvoice-edits]

dude i love ur southpark vids on youtube thanks for taking the time to comb through and compile all that shit! i rewatch them at least once a week to keep my serotonin levels up

omg, thank you!! thats so sweet of you to say!! im very proud of those videos, i put a lot of work into them. so im so glad to hear that people actually enjoy them!!

friendly promo for my channel, since i feel like it gets lost in the shuffle sometimes. <3

[cy-cyborg]

So, there's a lot I want to say about the paralypics, but every time I try I just... can't articulate what I want to say without it turning into a monster of a post that puts my writing advice posts to shame lol. This includes in response to the anonymous asks I got on the topic btw. So I'm going to try and summarise my thoughts here.

As someone who was working towards the Rio paralympics - who was basically one of the people they were actively training to be the next paralympians and who got to go if their choice first athletes had to drop out, the Olympics and paralympics are a... touchy subject for me. I loved playing. I loved my sport. I loved the people I played with. I loved the people I played against. But the way the public and people in power treats disabled athletes sucks. It Really really sucks. and it hurts to talk about.

The vast, vast majority of us aren't paid. We are expected to train at the same intensity as the Olympians with none of the breaks and none of the support to do so, resulting in injuries that are disabling in and of themselves, while juggling normal jobs. many of the paralympians are also in school or at university as well. both schools and jobs see these elite athletes as dedicated hobbiests at best.

I had a friend who were fired from their job because they were denied time off to compete at the paralypics and well, if i had to choose between the paralympics or stay at a shit job paying minimum wage, I know which one I'd pick, and so she didnt have a job when she came back. I have friends who are still in the closet because their sponsors would drop them if they came out as gay, who ended years-long relationships to keep the funding that allowed them and their teams to compete - funding that just covered the costs of travel by the way. They never saw a cent of it themselves, but it was the difference between us having to pay $50 each for our plane tickets and accommodation and having to pay $2,000Aud + for every away game. I have friends who were supposed to go to Tokeyo but were kicked off the teams weeks before the games because of a rule change that decided they weren't disabled enough anymore, wasting years of work with absolutely no warning. They weren't even given the decency of an appology from the people who made the call. Several went through terrifying mental health spirals over it. It was their life's work, gone. I saw so many friends just give up because their disabilities were "too hard to classify" into the International Paralympic Commity's boxes and who were made to feel they weren't welcome by the system spouting off about its diversity and inclusion and empowerment of disabled people.

And then with all that, the best we can hope for is for the social media teams to turn us into a joke for ableds to laugh at or into inspiration porn to make them feel good about themselves - because at least theyre not us. Because obviously, there are no other options in how to show us/sarcasm.

My phone doesn't even have "paralympics" as a recognised word. I have a Samsung. The company that is currently at the paralympics using them as a marketing opertunity. We aren't even recognised as a word in the phones made by the company that is currently using the paralympics as a marketing opportunity. The phones they're giving the athletes won't even recognise the name of the event that they got it at. If I've spelt it wrong, it's because it autocorrects it every time I try to spell it right, and im dyslexic and can't see the difference until I stare at it for a minute or so.

I just... this isn't even scratching the surface of my thoughts. But I wanted to say at least some of it. It will be the last I'm going to talk about it, at least until the event is over.

[icarusredwings]

The Master does things in 4s.

A headcanon.

"Elaborate"

Oh, I will.

Tapping, knocking, steps, snacks, kisses, etc.

He's spent the last thousands of years with this beat in his head so subconsciously He's picked up some bad habits that revolve around it.

In this essay I will be-

I can argue that Simm is the worst off and that the poor guy is constantly having fits about things not being in 4s. The prime minister demands that all of his meals be in 4s. Theres only three pieces of chicken? No. He wants 4.

He doesn't sleep unless it's 4,8, or 12 hours, no in between, and gets upset if woken up at 6 or 10 hours. We already know about the tapping, but it's how he knocks on doors, how many steps he takes at a time, how he eats his snacks in rations of 4 8 12 16.

You can give him 16 chicken nuggets, but dont you DARE give him 17. He's actively flipped tables before because of this, and if he really is tired or masking, he will only eat the even number and throw the odd one at someone.

Dhawan snaps and claps in sets of 4. He humms it sometimes on beat to self soothe. His hands flap when he can't have something in 4s and religiously gives everyone 4 ice cubes in their tea. The tea gets steeped for 4 minutes or 8 minutes. He'll explode if you ask yours to be steeped for 5 6 or 7. He also has 4 books on the bedside and 8 by his desk.

Missy likes to hear her heels click 4 times as she walks and will purposly take smaller steps just so she can land on a multiple of 4. 4 tea sandwitches, 4 types of lip stick, 4 pieces of jewlery.

She even swings her umbrella 4 times when bored. Hers is a lot more tamer compared to the boys because women with these disorders often are less "hyperactive" and less likely to make a scene than men are. (Statistically)

Hell, even Sax subconsciously has an issue with it while living with 14. He applies his eyeliner twice on each eye to make 4. He forces 14 to kiss him in sets of 4, he constantly is arranging the pillows on the bed to only he 4 of them, and well- theres something else with 14 but im going to keep this post PG 13.

Now he can have 2 of things instead of 4, but some things (that don't hurt anyone) are still allowed to be 4s OR more. For example, the pillows on the bed, kisses, and ice cubes in his tea. He can now handle there being 6 pillows instead of 4, receiving a multiple of 2 kisses (10/16) instead of 4s(8/12). You have to have it on an even number, though, or he'll force another.

He doesn't know why. He just DOES. And he won't tell you "because of the beating" because to him, it's all done unconsiously-

"There needs to be 4 pillows."

"Why?"

"I- Look, I don't know, okay!? There just needs to be 4 pillows!"

But anyone with half of a brain cell (who knows about the drums) does. 14 knows and is slowly trying to get him away from emotional disregulation because of it by working towards sets of 2s instead. It's a lot more socially acceptable for sets of 2s to be done than 4s. Even regular humans want packs of 2 or dishes that comes with 2 of something, so it's a lot easier and less stressful for both the Master and everyone around him.

Now he doesn't cause a scene at McDonald's if there's a ton of ice cubes in his drink instead of 4. Thank god he doesn't count his food much anymore, either. It's why he's been able to put on a bit of weight. But still, if you give him 17 nuggets, you're getting one thrown at your head. (So 14 goes out of his way to give him an 18th)

Thanks for coming to my TED talk

[stupidthoughtsinwriting]

Don't leave me... I'll stay (Loki)

Summary: After an argument causes a rift between Loki and Y/N, the day is spent ignoring the other until Y/N decides to spend the night away from Loki.

Warning: Angst? i dunno what else to put in but angst eheheh. long maybe? this is a very long fic eheheh. ohh and another thing is that this may be prone to mistakes as i dont have anybody to proof this so... ehehhe

Note: eheheeh the liar has finally posted what was promised, precisely a month late or later. eheheh sorry to those who waited, school has taken a lot of my time, I barely open my laptop to work and im rarely here anymore but i've got until the monday off so lets see what i'll do with that eheheh

The context is vague, I apologize but i am complete rubbish at this. at everything really, including writing so eheheh. To those brave souls that braved this whole thing, Thank you! so very deeply, from the bottom of my heart for even showing the slightest bit of interest in my rubbish ideas. Hope you like it and im stopping myself from going any further and prolonging this intro ehehhe, Enjoy!😊

‘No Loki! Just because I have this disease, doesn’t mean you have the right to keep me locked up like some sort of china. I am able to do just about everything I could before I told you and you have no right telling me what I can or cannot do’ you countered his argument but being stubborn, neither of you relented nor ceased.

You were now second guessing whether it was right or not, telling him about the chronic illness you were diagnosed with, but you knew that you did the right thing if you wanted this relationship to have a good foundation. The reaction however… was not how you thought things would go.

It was simple at first. Barely noticeable and could have been mistaken as added doting to his already caring nature with you but overtime, it became more and more obvious how he was setting up these restrictions you never would have agreed on. It only grew ridiculous, and you would have allowed the passive ones, but this was the final straw.

Your patience had worn thin over the entirety of the argument however, as comments grew more rash and the final ‘disapproval’ of your oncoming task was remarked, you snapped. He had no right to restrict you of activities and tasks he thinks are too much for your condition and it only insulted and hurt you to think that he thought you so frail and weak that even simple chores were too much.

‘I am going on this mission, whether you “approve” or not, because just telling you was out of courtesy. I refuse to be told of my restrictions by anyone besides myself. I would have understood your concerns if the situation were more grave, but for the love of God, it’s a simple data extraction.’ You exasperated, growing tired of fighting about something you know he won’t fold on.

‘In an abandoned Hydra base!’ he pointed out, choosing not to acknowledge how you outright dismissed his concern, no matter how much it hurt. ‘You know of the dangers that lurk in those retched lairs and often times there are still those who patrol the premises. You do remember when Rogers and Romanoff were attacked during their little escapade in Camp Leigh, do you not?’

‘Of course, I remember, I’m not a moron’ you snide, glaring daggers at the raven-haired god and you were just about to justify how Barnes was going with you however the comment he let out was the final pull on the thinned thread.

‘Well, you certainly are acting like one’ he mumbled without thinking, turning away. He thought it was low enough so you wouldn’t hear but he thought wrong.

‘I beg your pardon?!’ you all but screeched out of fury. Loki flinched before he turned at the high pitch and fury, he heard from you. He saw the outraged his comment caused in your eyes. The fire that burned in those beautiful orbs of yours was terrifying however, what truly frightened him was how you took a breath, calming yourself and before he could so much as apologize, rolled your eyes and turned away.

‘I’m done’ you raised your hands in surrender, turning your back to him.

‘What do you mean you’re done?’ he asked as fear of losing you threatened his being. You mean everything to him and just the very thought of losing you and him being the very reason you were gone… it opened a holocaust in his mind.

‘This conversation, I am done. I’m ending it before either of us say something or does more damage that there already is’ you yield, busying yourself with tidying up the files you had splayed out all over the floor.

Relief flooded his senses before guilt quickly bore fruit.

He watched as you packed up your work and strode out of the room. It took him a minute, but he followed you out and once he finally reached the living room, he met the sight of you slipping on your trainers and throwing your gadgets, wallet and keys in your bag before moving to the door and slamming it shut.

He stood frozen in the threshold of the hall as he processed what happened. All he wanted was to keep you safe. Never did he think that things would go this bad.

You stormed out of the flat and went to the compound for the briefing you had with Bucky. It was scheduled for tomorrow, but you just could not stay in the flat, not with him, not at the moment. You needed a cool head and quite frankly, yours was blazing.

You called Barnes to reschedule, which he agreed to but before he could ask why, you had already hung up. You needed to calm down, seriously.

You took a scenic route around the city before heading to the facility. You parked at the car park and turned off the vehicle before you let your head fall on the steering wheel. Loki’s’ words really stung but in his own way, you knew he meant well. He loved you but it felt demeaning to be confined to one place or to be babied. You are a grown woman; this disease may affect you in some way but you wouldn’t let it define and control your life like its slowly doing to Loki.

You took your phone to look at the time and was greeted with lock screen background of you and Loki cuddling, fast asleep. Someone from the team took the picture to spite Loki but you found it adorable and set it on your phone. It brought a small grin to your lips until you got a message from Barnes saying which conference room was being used for the quick briefing. You sighed, taking your bag before exiting the car and heading in the building.

The briefing was quick. Only about the layout of the base, where to go and what to take. You were in and out in possibly ten minutes, but you longed for it to be longer. You didn’t want to go home yet so you stayed for a chat with the others, talking to Wanda about her relationship, discussing with Bruce the project he was working on before you went and left with a goodbye, heading for the shops for dinner prep and a bit of groceries, taking your time in each aisle to pass the minute until you really had to go home.

Loki had texted Thor after you left, asking if you were at the compound. It took a bit for his brother to respond but eventually he replied with ‘Barnes says she’s on her way for a meeting’. He felt relieved to at least know where you are, knowing you were safe and not alone somewhere. 

Hours passed until he heard your keys on the front door, the metal snake keychain giving a distinct clink with the rest of your keys. He looked to the door from where he sat on the living room, watching as you trudged in the brown bags of groceries. You kicked the door closed and placed the bags in the kitchen bench, never sparing him a look. He could sense that you didn’t want to be around him, he could always sense it. He’s had years of experience with being ignored nor wanted. He knew when to take his leave, so he left for the bedroom, never sparing you a sound of his departure.

You saw Loki on the chaise when you walked in. You blatantly ignored him, but he was on the couch. The only indication you got that he left was when you heard the bedroom door close. You were fixing everything you had bought to the cupboards and the pantry when you just heard the soft click of the door closing. You felt bad with how distant you two were being but what stung more is that he couldn’t bear to be in the same room as you that he had to leave. You wanted to make things right. You were thinking of things to say as you put away the vegetables, but he seemed to want the opposite.

You put everything away and started making supper, finishing an hour or two later. Loki still hasn’t left the bedroom, though you did hear the shower run a few minutes prior, so you ate by yourself, wallowing in your thoughts about the mission and Loki.

Your bowl was half gone when he emerged from the room and moved to where you were eating on the table. You had prepared him a bowl, which now sat at the other end of the table. You weren’t talking to each other, but you still care and love him. The soup had gone a bit cold, but it was there, and he sat and ate it anyways.

Both of you stayed silent, neither breaking the silence as the tension grew thick. You quickly finished the rest of your meal before standing abruptly to start cleaning up. You let the bowl rinse and soak in the sink while you stored the leftovers in a container and to the fridge. You had put more than enough on his bowl, so you were sure he wouldn’t be asking for seconds. You quickly washed the dishes whilst he ate while reading his book. He was nearly done when you left the kitchen and proceeded to the bathroom.

He let out a sigh and dropped his book when he heard the shower running. He has been staring at the very same paragraph over and over but not once has he actually paid attention to the text let alone understood it. He was hoping to break the ice between you two, but he froze, missing his chance.

He rinsed his own dish and made sure everything was good and locked up before he went back to the bedroom, preparing to go to bed.

You came out a few minutes later, steam billowing from the ensuite and following you. Your hair was wrapped up in a towel, your body clad in the oversized jumper you adored, with a nightie underneath. You still refused to acknowledge him as you made your way to the closet, grabbing a spare comforter.

This got Loki’s attention and was what broke the silence of the room, really the silence you have both established since the argument earlier.

‘What are you doing?’ he asked as he stopped fluffing the pillow in his hold. Your pillow.

‘I have a few case files to read and paperwork to do so… I’m staying in the living room’ you stated, hardly with any emotion, tugging at the comforter from the top shelf.

‘And the need for a blanket?’ he questioned again, looking over your well bundled figure. The sweater you had was thick and big enough to cover your legs if you were truly that cold, he knew that and the fact that you only use blankets whenever you were going to sleep.

‘It’s likely I’ll fall asleep on the couch so I’m preparing for the inevitable. To put it bluntly, I’m sleeping on the couch’ you say, finally turning around to see him holding your pillow before you moved to leave the room.

All Loki could do was nod, clenching his jaw as his hands dropped your pillow and watch as you left the room. He couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t will his lips to move in protest and just accepted what was going to happen. He didn’t want to force you seeing how that went earlier, so he let it… you, go do what you wish. He didn’t want to lose you and he’d do anything and everything to avoid that.

He got cleaned up in the bathroom before he went to bed. He couldn’t sleep and for hours he’s spent it staring up at the ceiling. Once he'd learned to sleep with you by his side, it was harder now to do so without you and the lingering thoughts of your fight earlier kept him company.

It took a while before the fatigue finally succumbed to him, his mind too tired to do anything that it finally forfeited and let him rest.

You on the other hand, haven’t slept at all. Not a wink of it. You spent a bit writing up some reports and looking over at some case files but after you found that you couldn’t focus, you packed everything up and tried to get some sleep. Tried. You really did but as tired as your body was, your mind worked wonders in keeping you up.

The fight you had was your fore thought, mainly the look in Loki’s eyes when you said you weren’t sleeping in the same room as him. He always tried to look impassive in front of others but with you, his eyes held so many expressions of love and adoration, you saw none of that as he held your pillow.

You felt bad leaving him alone. The gesture alone of fixing your side of the bed was heart-warming, that it made you feel like a monster when you saw the look he gave you. Of absolute disappointment? It wasn’t the right word, but you felt like you took the one good thing he had and crushed it in front of him.

You tried to stave off such thoughts, thinking of your task for tomorrow and such but it wasn’t any use. Your mind was going miles per minute, and you just couldn’t keep up. You stayed on the couch for hours, laying on the furniture as your eyes stayed transfixed on a spiderweb on the ceiling. You grew restless overtime so the idea of making tea came to mind.

You thought it a good idea for a cup to help you, so you finally got up. You took the towel you used from the coffee table and hung it on a chair as you turned the kettle on. You grabbed a cup from the drying rack and dropped the bag of chamomile you got from the jar, as you waited for the water to boil.

It was then you heard a whimper. It came fast and low, you were beginning to think that you imagined it when you heard it again. You left the cup sitting on the counter as you went to investigate, looking all around the open space of the flat until it finally registered to you that it was coming from the bedroom.

Loki…

Fast steps quickly took you to the door of the room, which was left open and from where you stood, you heard his cries clearly. The room, gloomy when you entered had scarcely any light. The only source came from the dim lighting from the hall and the sliver of moonlight seeping through the curtains, but it was enough to help you at least see figures.

You moved to the general area of where the bed was and there you saw his figure, trembling slightly. From what you saw as your eyes further adjusted to the darkness, he laid on his side, his shirt damp with sweat, his face glistening and his hair sticking all over his neck and cheeks. He had a pillow in his hold, his head buried in the cushion, but the muffled whines and whimpers still persisted to reach your ears. It was your pillow.

It had been a long while since these terrible nightmares have plagued his nights. The last was far too long ago you hardly remembered it anymore. You remember how he once told you about it having something to do with you sleeping by his side. That something about you just calmed him and made his mind come to a peaceful state. The guilt you felt increased tenfold as the regret of leaving him alone ate you alive. You didn’t… you don’t… you couldn’t have imagined how much you had helped him without even realizing and now leaving him to his own devices… you felt like a pompous prick.

You sped to his side, whispering his name in hopes to arouse him but it proved to be futile.

You sat beside him, turning to the side to face figure. A finger reached to tuck the damp locks behinds his ears as you whispered his name again, hoping to get through his thoughts but it still wasn’t working. Your hands moved to cradle the side of his face, your thumb caressing his cheek in hopes to stir him as you continued to say his name.

‘Loki’ you said softly, knowing using any other tone or pitch would only frighten him further. You moved your head next to his, your body twisted in an awkward position, but you couldn’t care less. You continued to whisper his name close to his ear, your thumbs caressing those sharp angled cheeks until he finally stirred.

You felt it. That light shake of his head as he finally starts rouse, as if shaking off fatigue and merciless thoughts that haunted his mind. You pulled away a bit to see him properly, wiping the beads of sweat that coated most of his forehead with the sleeve of your jumper as your other hand continued their gentle caress on his cheeks. He had a furrow that pulled his brows together and normally you would have found it adorable but right now you only hoped to remove it.

He blinked slowly, gathering his bearings to check if he was truly out of the agonizing torment his mind had conjured. He was losing you. It was scene after scene of ways he loses you and all of it was his fault. From you leaving him after an argument, to the image of the mad titan snapping your neck in his grasp as he watched. Each scenario broke him in every way, and he just couldn’t bare it.

The sight was still fresh in his mind as he finally started to ebb away from the drowse of sleep. Then as panic set him as he realized and processed what had happened, he didn’t notice the soft whisper of his name or the caress of your delicate fingers. He was on the verge of complete panic, tears welling up his eyes when he felt it. You.

Your voice. You touch. Your scent. Everything. It all enveloped him to the point It became overwhelming, but he wanted it. To suffocate in everything you, to banish those horrid thoughts away.

‘y/n?’ he whispered meekly, still questioning whether he was still in the throughs of his nightmare.

‘I’m here, It’s okay. It’s just a nightmare’ you replied as tears started to pour from his eyes and cascade down his cheeks.

‘I’m sorry, I-I’m sorry, p-please don’t leave me’ he heaved, his voice shaking with every word, it broke your heart to hear him so broken. His arms moved to wrap around you, having a tight hold on your waist, leaving the pillow, as he wept.

You could only do so much to keep your own tears at bay, but you managed to stay strong. Your fingers wiped much of the tears, but they only continued to flow so you pulled him in to hide in the crook of your neck.

‘Shhh darling. It’s alright, I’m here, I promise’ you said in his ear, knowing his cries would only muffle his hearing. He cried and cried, apologizing just as much in between but you still dismissed every single one.

‘Shhhh, you’re okay darling. It’s only a nightmare, it’s alright’ you moved your body to lay on the bed fully, settling beside him comfortably as you held him tight. Your fingers weaved through his obsidian locks, scratching his scalp in hopes to console and comfort him in anyway as he continued to heave on the crook of your neck.

It broke your heart to see him like this. Frightened to the bone like a little boy, shivering as if dunk in the oceans of the arctic. All those years of suffering topped his insecurities and the lack assurance and consoling care throughout most of his life… of course he was afraid. Of the possibilities this life held. He’d seen the worst parts of it, of course id be difficult to peer outside that little protective box he hid in. And your argument certainly didn’t help matters.

He cried for a while and you let him. Bare his vulnerability to you and it was your honour to be shown this fragile part of him. You’d treasure the trust he had in you, to keep him safe in times like these. You wouldn’t let anything happen to him, especially like this. You love him too much.

He calmed down after a little while, still letting out soft sniffs and whimpers every once and a while, but he had calmed down. You placed a soft kiss on his temple, an assurance of sorts before pulling back to face him but his grip only tightened, a whine escaping his lips as he hid himself further in the safety of your hair.

He didn’t want you to pull away for fear of you having enough of him, but he wouldn’t have it. He couldn’t.

You hushed him softly, running a hand through his inky locks and caressing his scalp, assuring him you weren’t going anywhere and only meant to talk to him. He was reluctant but he gave in, nodding the slightest bit before pulling away to face you.

His face was red, eyes bloodshot and puffy around the eyelids, looking down and anywhere but at you. Streaks of tears, dry and fresh cascaded down his sharp features, causing his unruly hair to stick. The look he gave you completely broke your heart, rendering it to mush whilst he had the decency to look so heartbroken.

You kept your composure as a finger swiped a way those stray locks, tucking it behind his ear before he nuzzled in the warms of your palm. Your thumb glided along the prominent angle of his zygoma, brushing away whatever moisture was left until you tilted his head up, by the chin, to look at you. His beautiful emerald eyes shimmered with unshed tears however he still won’t look you in the eyes.

‘Loki’ his name came off your lips in a soft whisper, finally grabbing his attention. Now that you finally had it though, all words seem to have left you, your thoughts drawing blank. A sigh left your lips as you let your head drop to his, your foreheads pressed together as you closed your eyes.

‘I’m sorry’ you said blankly, your hand rising to come through his locks and to scratch his scalp. Whether it was for his comfort or your distraction, you wouldn’t know.

He shook his head, dismissing your apology. Half of him didn’t know what you were apologizing for yet the other had an idea as to what, and even if it truly was what you were thinking, he knew that it was his fault.

‘No, don’t apologize. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have treated you as such, but please darling, forgive me. I cannot lose you, please. Don’t… don’t leave me’ he practically begged. He really couldn’t lose you. He just wouldn’t know what to do if he did, but he just knows he won’t survive it.

‘No, I must apologize’ you argued, continuing on before he could cut you off ‘My actions weren’t acceptable, but Loki… We cannot keep going on like this. I am my own person, I refuse to told what to do, let alone what I can’t. I refuse to be caged in the four walls of this flat like some treasured bird, I’m not. I will not be restrained. By some illness nor God or man. This won’t work if that is what you want’.

‘I know, I know. I-It’s not, It’s not what I want. I’m sorry but darling, I just can’t lose you. I can’t. I won’t survive it. Please, I won’t do it again, just please don’t leave me.’ He sobbed, dropping his head back down the crook of your neck and he held you in a tight embrace. You understood what he meant; you don’t think you could survive losing him too.

‘I won’t. I’m not leaving you. I would never. I'm staying’ You affirmed. You really wouldn’t, but you won’t stand being coddled to the brim.

You held on to each other tightly for a while. Just letting the others presence calm one another. Loki hidden in the arch of your shoulder, arms wrapped around your waist, while you laid your head on top of his, a hand mindlessly raking trough his gorgeous locks. It proved to be comforting for the both of you, evidently.

‘I only meant to protect you’ he mumbled with a sniff out of nowhere.

‘I understand, my love. And the best I could do is promise to be safe and extra careful. I won’t take too risky missions if that gives you a peace of mind.’ You offered. You knew he only meant well and cared for your safety. You love your job but often times, it was too dangerous, even for your standards after everything. Taking fewer and safer missions wasn’t a problem. As long as you had worked to do that involved helping people, you were satisfied.

You felt him nod his head lightly at the suggestion, causing a soft smile to bloom from your lips before placing a soft kiss on the crown of his head. You didn’t see it but a small smile curved his lips as well at the feel of your lips on his skin. The touch starved part of him relishing in these small moments of affection like treasure.

Your free hand moved to caress his back when you felt how damp the fabric of his top was. The sweat he had worked up earlier still hasn’t dried and you knew how uncomfortable he would get bathing in the slightest bit of dirt, hence why you thought of getting him cleaned.

You place another kiss on his cheek before attempting to untangle yourself from him. The events of the nights had taxed the god, but you wanted to get him at least a bit clean before he fully dozed off however, as you tried to get off his loving embrace, his grip only tightened, his droopy eyes opening wide to see the commotion. 

‘Shhh, It’s alright. I just have to head out to the kitchen to check something and I promise, I will be right back my love’ you said softly to his ear, hoping his drowse would keep. He gave a tired huff before reluctantly setting you free. Your grin only grew wider, and you place a quick peck on his lips before you scrambled off the bed.

You quickly checked the kitchen to see if the kettle hadn’t burned and once assured, you left it as it was and headed to the loo to get what was needed. You took a small towel from the cupboard bellow the sink and ran it under the water to get it wet. Once it was fully soaked, you wrang the excess water from the towel and quickly grabbed a spare shirt from the wardrobe before going back to the bedroom.

The darling god had his eyes closed with your pillow once again tight in his grasp. This time, the sight made you smile. At how adorable he looked, face squashed on the cushion. You could tell how exhausted he was though, so you made haste in getting him set for night’s (hopefully) peaceful rest.

You sat beside him on the bed, the shifting of the mattress making him dare open an eye just as you were about to rouse him. He gave you that small charming smile of his when he saw you and your hand moved to cup his cheek, letting the pad of your thumb caress his now dried cheeks.

‘Can you sit up for me, luv’ you asked, leaning down to his ear. He gave you a faint nod before you sat back and helped him up. The fatigue was really getting on to him as he laid his head on your shoulder, so you made sure to finish as soon as possible to finally let him have a good night’s rest.

You gathered his hair into a pony with one hand and held it away, while the other wiped the damp cloth on the back of his neck. He flinched at the contact, having been spared a warning, you promptly apologized and moved as quickly as you could.

You wiped his face with great care, before you pulled his shirt off and threw it on the nightstand, to be put on the hamper after you were done. You wiped him all over until you deemed it enough and gave him the spare shirt. He put it on and just before you could leave the bed again, he took your hand. He gave you a pleading look that spoke volumes, and how could you resist when he gave you those doe eyes.

You gave him a soft smile, leaving the little towel beside the shirt and made your way to your spot on the bed. You got comfortable before you looked at him, staring at you with great fondness, it made you bashful yet you still opened your arms, welcoming him in to be held, which with great eager, he accepted. He laid beside you, wrapping his arms around your torso as he inhaled the scent of your hair, a welcome comfort after the course of the night.

You pulled the covers up to cover you both, but the feel of his soft lips just made you forget about everything but him, making you snuggle closer in his hold.

He had his head laid on the top of yours, his arms tied around you and your legs intertwined. An arm of yours cradled the back of his head, tangling to the roots of his inky locks while the other drew abstracts on his back. You held each other, never saying a word yet the silence was finally comfortable. A tranquil state you two could once again relish.

The silence however gave your mind room to intrude the peace, thinking of how things got to this point. From the argument, to the dismiss of each other’s presence and up until the confession after the dreadful nightmare, you admit that parts of how this ended up being the conclusion of the day, was your fault. Yes, Loki had his own mistakes in the matter, but you could have taken a point and fixed it. Why didn’t you get a grip and made the effort to make things better.  You shouldn’t ha…

A deep sigh broke you out of your trance. A squeeze, you felt you were given as arms around waist tightened and you were pulled impossibly closer to the mass holding you.

‘I can hear your gears turning, darling’ Loki mumbled, followed by a small chuckle, breaking the deafening comfort of silence. The sound was well welcomed after the tension of the day.

‘Sorry, luv. Go back to sleep’ you reply, scratching his scalp. He hummed in response, a smile pressing against your hair before a quick peck was planted on the top of your head. You grinned, closing your eyes, hoping to finally get consumed by the black oblivion that was rest.

The gentle caress on your arm helped, lulling you to a peaceful state of mind. Loki knew what helped you too.

Eventually the night drew on, painting the dark skies with stars as the two held each other, succumbing to blissful state of peace promised by slumber.

The night was a lesson for the two. To understand the other, to work out their problems and to never go to bed angry.

[saturnianprincess]

[𝐩𝐚𝐜] 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮

💗𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧💗

This is the first section of a collaborative reading on what does 2023 have in store for you. Please do read the other two parts linked below.

𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐲 @starb0t 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐲 @lueurais

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞: 𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬. 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐰𝐧. 𝐀𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐥𝐲.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

The people who choose this pile have recently undergone a challenging phase in their life mostly emotional purging. You have shed your old limiting beliefs or people who don’t align with you anymore. You are enlightening yourself and your loved ones by broadening your horizons and knowledge. You have left those who are bounding you and hindering you from being your authentic self. I see a period of recovery and self healing. Maybe some of you had a bad break up or ending of a close relationship. A restoration of balance in your energy is what is happening for you this year. You are in full control of your life’s wheel. You know where you are headed and what you must to do to keep yourself on that path. I see spending time with your family or people who are like your family/close friends. A strong theme of reconnecting and strengthening your relationships. Some of you may find a new group of friends/community or even a partner. You are recharging yourself so that you can be fully present in your relationships, activities and life.

extra messages: girl/boy nextdoor, green landscapes, home-cooked meals, 444, shavasna yoga pose

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐

I see someone entering your life in next few months. This person is definitely a soulmate or belongs to your soul tribe. They are very successful in their careers and have a lot of established wealth. They could also work in finance or business related fields. You could even meet them at work. Some people here could also end up in a business partnership with this person as well. A romantic individual at heart who will cherish you and your relationship with them. You will feel blissful with them. A few of you could even get married to this person quite quickly in your relationship. Alternatively, im picking up on a lot of stability and grounding from this person. You will learn a lot about yourself through this relationship. Your person will not ditch when it gets challenging instead they will strengthen their support to you. They could possibly have a lot of earth (Virgo, Taurus or Capricorn) placements in their chart.

extra messages: financial freedom, baby sprouts, love candy, 1010, 2222, beige blazers, office romance

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑

Trusting people has always been a traumatic task for this group. I feel like some of you could have strong water sign placements specifically pisces or cancer venus. You are the type to fully trust the other person where you completely end up sacrificing yourself only to find out that they are backstabbing people. I know you are tired of hearing “establish better boundaries” and “don't look at them with rose colored glasses”. But it is so comforting to do exactly the opposite isn't it? Anyways you are headed on the path where you will eventually get your dreamy, safe and secure relationship but the universe is keen on testing you before this happens. You have the capability to see the person and acknowledge who and what they are. You are now well aware of what it is you seek from your romantic/platonic relationships. This year will be your final exam before you get your desired result. Stay put, you got this! Your person is waiting for you at the finish line.

extra messages: 100%, coffee, hand made ceramics, Neptune and Venus aspects, 1211, 555, life changes

©️saturnianprincess 2023 | home

< star’s mlist > < pearl’s mlist >

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[cleromancy]

oracle year one born of hope from batman chronicles #5 (published 1996) is hands down the best defridging story ive ever read for a lot of reasons--the first being just that its such a damn good comic in the first place. but every time i read it im so struck by the way it reframes the casual *incidental* violence done to barbara in TKJ, where she's just an obstacle in the joker's way to get to jim (to get to batman) and it's not *about* her. on the very second page of OYO we have this:

the entire page (...minus bruce in the bg up there) is drawn from barbaras point of view while she recounts the incident from her hospital bed. literally recentering her and her perspective, her experience and her feelings. where TKJ sensationalizes and sexualizes the violence done to her we see an illustration of her choice--love for her father, "don't get up"--then the shock and pain of the injury, then the operating room.

and she opened the story with "i cant believe i was such an idiot," berating herself for not looking through the peephole or using the chain on the door before she opened it, emphasizing that she knew better, and its a very human response to being the victim of something like this--almost fixating on a small mistake you made. inside the story its about the grief and the sense of control bargaining gives you--"if only i had--!" and then on the meta level its actually addressing the "well why DIDNT barbara look through the peephole???" (<- the answer being that TKJ never considered whether or not she would have, bc that was less important to the story than hurting her.)

and the next page. god. its masterful:

the balance of OYO being a response to TKJ on a meta level and the genuine story-level exploration of barbaras feelings just in the first 3 pages alone... chefs kiss. the way it addresses the previous bullshit storytelling choices--but builds something new off of them, because that shouldn't be the end of barbaras story.

and its so fantastic bc it doesn't shy away from barbaras ugly feelings...

she's so angry and she's allowed to be. and thats also what makes it such a good defridging--that its a resonant portrayal of becoming disabled. anger, grief, humiliation, shame, fear, the absolute *slog* that is recovery, the realization that your independence has been compromised... it really reckons with what this means for her in that moment and moving forward.

just posting this one bc i love her...

and the crux of the story is barbara taking control back over her life, barbara not feeling helpless anymore. its a superhero origin story to its core and its fantastic at what it does.

and i mean... i do always feel iffy about this part:

the juxtaposition of her wanting to do this without batmans help with her, well, unknowingly accepting bruces help. makes seesaw motion with hand. i always feel like its a bit of a weak spot... i like elements of it, particularly *because* this work is addressing so much of TKJs bullshit; this is making bruce actually care about barbaras injury because fuck you he *should* care, he *should* do something. and barbaras need for independence and her struggles to accept help are pretty central to her character and in a story about disability... i mean interdependence is a core tenant of disability rights activism, no man is an island and all that. but btwn it being bruce who finds richard dragon for her to train with, and richard dragon both being yknow a man and not a wheelchair user himself, it falls flat. which is really something you notice bc the rest of the story is so damn good... its hard for me to put my finger on exactly what i think they should've done instead, bc they only had 18 pages for this story and like. it's incredibly tight, not a panel wasted, so it *was* important that barbaras teacher be someone we the reader already know, and there was no *time* to establish some other way for barbara to find someone of richard fucking dragons caliber on her own without bruces connections.

but that i guess does bring me to. the other thing i find frustrating re: OYO which is just that it's. 18 pages collected with two other stories, neither of which is memorable... i mean how many other year ones of a heavy hitter like barbara freakin gordon can you think of with less than a single full issue? and batgirl year one had 9 issues (9 mediocre, mediocre issues). i dont think OYO needed that much time (but hey neither did fucking bgyo)... but come on. come on!!!!!!

anyway whatever. oracle sweep

[envy-of-the-apple]

Yandere!Illumi Zoldyck x Reader

I haven’t written my man in soo longg. i claim to be an illumi stan but i only have like two fics for the guy. im so sorry illumi your dead fish eyes are the only eyes for me i swear. Highly inspired by this drabble made by flamingtrash. The way bestie writes illumi just lamenting just sends chills down my spine. 

Target

(Warnings: Yandere, stalking, murder, more stalking, planning to murder, mentions of suicide) 

Kill the husband, do whatever you want to the wife. 

His mission is one of the simpler ones. He considers this busy work. His target is a regular civilian, a break from the numerous other assassins, hit-men, nen-users he typically was hired to do. 

Still, Illumi takes his time, because every target deserves his vigilance, his dedication. It wouldn’t be right to just finish and go. He offers each life respect. 

He remembers the reason why your husband has to die. Bribery, company theft, among many other things. The men who wanted him gone needed for him to disappear completely, not a trace of him left behind. 

He has a feeling you wouldn’t go away just as easily. 

It was a love marriage. You two met right after you graduated college, and it bloomed from there. Coffee dates, light night strolls, candlelight dinners. Domestic activities. 

You loved your husband. Though Illumi isn’t intimate with the feeling, it’s clear to anyone who’s willing to watch. You’d been married for years, yet you still get so flustered at the mention of him. Twiddling thumbs, nervous laughter. 

Your husband loves you too. Maybe just as much. He’s not as quick to show it. He’s close to inheriting the company from his father. He has a lot of work to do. It’s probably why he’s doing so many gray things. Your husband is stressed. He knows one day this will all catch up to him. 

That day came when Illumi was handed 20 million jennies and a picture. 

He watches because making it look like an accident is much harder to accomplish than it sounds. He considers pinning the blame on you, before he discards the thought. Insufficient. 

But you really did love your husband. He isn’t usually so interested in his target’s marital affairs but he thinks he admires your loyalty. You’re so loving to him. Despite the busy lives you two lead, you manage to still think about him. 

Like today, when you’re setting up the breakfast table. You place two bowls, despite the fact your husband’s still asleep in the bed you two share. 

He’s been busy lately, constantly running from meeting to meeting. After a bit of scouting Illumi realizes that he’s only ever in two places: at the office, or in bed with you. Sometimes, just twice since Illumi has been observing, your husband crawls into a dark alley, filled with underdwellers, whispering about their latest schemes. He barely has time for breakfast. 

A routine is being set in place. You make two plates, continuing to bustle away in the kitchen as you wait for him. He’ll leave in a hurry, as he always does, yelling out a ‘bye darling’ before slamming the door shut. You’ll come out of the kitchen a few minutes later to see the bowls untouched, and then you’ll frown. Like you always do. 

And that worries Illumi because when your husband is gone and if you start putting together the pieces: always rushing everywhere, constantly being stressed, not eating breakfast anymore. He’d rather you be in the dark. He’d rather not waste his time killing you too. He wants you to play the part he set out to you; the heartbroken wife wondering how her husband could do this to himself when he was always so happy. 

Today, Illumi decides to intervene when your husband leaves like that for the fifth day in a row. You hadn’t even realized the intruder when he casually steps into the dining room, too busy in the kitchen. He decides to dispose of your husband’s bowl in the bushes, where the stray cats can have their fill. It’s clean when Illumi drops the dish back to its place on the table. 

You come out a few minutes later when Illumi safely retracts to his usual hiding spot. He watches you keenly, noting the perceived disappointment you have on your face like you’re already preparing yourself. 

And then you stop, staring at the empty bowl. 

A soft smile adorns your face. Your eyes crinkle. 

You look so happy, as you sit down, eating your own breakfast. It confuses him, just how happy a small action made you. 

It didn’t matter. This was good. If he kept this up, your husband’s demise would be a heartbroken tragedy, rather than suspected foul play. He shouldn’t be bothered by the details. 

Days later, he still thinks about your smile.

He watches you more than he does his target. 

Illumi can’t help himself. You’re so distracting. He doesn’t understand why. He should have been done with this mission weeks ago but he’s still here because he can’t understand you. 

You’re normal by any standard. Completely average. You work a desk job, and come back home when you get off the clock. You have normal friends. You have a normal family. Nothing you do should surprise him. 

But you do, nearly every day. He realizes you have these faces you show to others. Towards your co-workers, you’re polite and resigned. People who you’re closer to, family, close friends, your husband, you’re more sincere. You smile more. It’s fascinating to watch you switch depending on who you interact with. 

It shouldn’t matter because everyone has different faces. Everyone does this, this is basic socialization in regard to his targets. You aren’t special. 

Sometimes, Illumi catches himself wondering what face you would show him if you two ever met. 

You’re so disgustingly normal as you sit in the living room of your house, watching a TV show he hardly cares about. You don’t seem to care either, more interested in babbling on the phone to your friend about some nonsense at work. 

He should just kill you off too. It would be easier, less work on his part. It’s not like his clients care about what he does with you. You are an anomaly, but in the grand scheme of things, you are dispensable, irrelevant to his job. You won’t matter. 

You shouldn’t matter. 

You’re clumsy, it’s a common trait Illumi has noticed. You show your skill off almost every day. Take this moment, for instance, as you get up, you nearly drop your phone, catching it in the knick of time. You laugh to your friend about it in relief and Illumi thinks you wouldn’t be a good fit within his family. He strangely doesn’t mind your helplessness, however. 

He catches himself again. He curses. He really should just kill you. 

It’d be so easy to, it’s not like you made it hard. You don’t have any combat experience, you don’t even realize he’s there, right behind you, watching you work away in the kitchen as you continue to talk to your friend in utter obliviousness. 

He’s close enough to smell your perfume. 

When you turn, he’s back in his perch, onlooking the window. As usual, you don’t spot any evidence of the stranger being in your home, close enough to touch you. You continue stirring away a dish, still on the phone. 

He really should just kill you. 

Illumi thinks your friends serve their purpose. 

Since he is unable to interrogate you, your friends do it for him. They get you drunk in the restaurant you three had booked weeks ago, tipsy on a strain of alcohol he’d barely consider strong. It’s enough to spill your deepest secrets he could never uncover himself. A childhood past files could never tell him. 

Your friend makes a comment about how the kid version of you would probably be scandalized at how you turned out. A slurred laugh bubbles out of your lips. Illumi thinks it’s the prettiest sound he’s ever heard. 

“You sound just like my husband,” You say with mirth. Your friend frowns. 

“Speaking of him…are the two of you okay? He didn’t show up to the dinner party last week.” Your husband hadn’t. Instead, he’d left you alone while he went to go and make more blood money. You frown, like you’re remembering it too. 

“Yeah,” You murmur, “He’s been busy lately. It’s something at work.” 

“Has he been specific?” Another friend presses. You look pensive. 

“Not really,” You respond. They frown at eachother, casting a knowing look. 

“Stop,” You say, your voice losing all humor, “It’s not like that. You two think so lowly of him. He’s not that kind of man.” And it’s true. Your husband doesn’t cheat. He bribes and launders instead. 

“He’s been…really tired lately. He sleeps like a rock all night, but in the morning it looks like he hadn’t even gotten a wink. His eye bags have eye bags.” You frown, taking another sip of your drink. “I always feel so guilty, like I should be doing something.” 

“Have you tried speaking to him about it?” One asks.  

You smile without mirth. 

“He doesn’t talk to me. Sometimes-sometimes I feel like he really wants to, but is afraid to, which is so stupid. It’s like he doesn’t know that I’ll love him no matter what he does.” 

Illumi believes you. He really does. He suddenly realizes that if your husband admitted everything he’s been doing right now; you’d forgive him, you’d accept him, you’d still love him.

You’re so loyal to him. Only him. Even when your husband doesn’t really deserve it, it was love. True love. 

That’s why he was so drawn to you. He wanted a wife just like you. Hell, if he had a perfect wife, he’d launder, and bribe, and steal to keep you too. 

He leaves after that. The mystery was solved. He could finally complete his mission. 

He wastes no time getting to your home, getting to his target. 

Killing the man was easy. Illumi barely breaks a sweat. Your husband is dead, and at his feet, within seconds. 

Then he waits. 

He waits for you to come home, he waits for you to see the scene. He decides that he’ll let you grieve for thirty seconds. Half a minute, before he breaks your neck, and then you’ll join your beloved. 

He isn’t usually so gracious, but he feels indebted to you. He’s grateful that you showed him that something like this exists. Utter devotion. He wants someone like you in his life. Someone who will smile and laugh and be intertwined with him, forever. 

He’ll pay it back by giving you time with your husband. It’s the least he can do. 

The door clicks an hour later. He patiently waits. Waits for you to see your lover, waits for you to scream, waits for you to see him. He’ll give you thirty seconds. Just thirty seconds. 

Forty-five seconds pass. 

Your eyes meet his first. 

You smile. 

“Hey.” 

You’re intoxicated. He can smell the wine from your lips as you stumble forward, lightly tripping on your heels. He’s close enough that you fall into him. He could have moved away, avoiding your clumsy body, letting you fall on a heap to the floor. 

He’s never minded your clumsiness. 

Illumi stays, gently pressing his fingertips into your shoulders, stabilizing you. You’re so soft under his touch. Delicate. He’s suddenly afraid a single move might snap you in half. 

You laugh, and although your voice is heavy with alcohol, it’s so light and free. You look at him, really really look at him. Your eyes are glimmering and he’s wondering if the night sky itself was etched into your eyes. 

“My hero,” You say so so lovingly and it clicks. 

You think he’s your husband. 

Why else would you be so happy? You can’t see him that well, not with your poor eyesight, an average human’s ability. Not when you’re so drunk off of the sweet wine he can practically taste from your lips. 

You don’t see the dead body right at your feet. You just see Illumi. 

Still, he doesn’t pull away. You don’t either, choosing to wrap your arms around his waist, drawing him closer. You’re so warm. You fit perfectly against his body. 

If he presses himself any closer, if he brings his hand up, right by your neck, and squeezes just so slightly, he’d be able to feel all of you. The blood pumping in your veins, sending oxygen, nutrients, everything that keeps you here. You’re alive. You aren’t dead, not yet. That’s why you’re so warm, not a cold corpse. 

He thinks he prefers you this way. 

“Sorry I was so late,” You’re slurring your words, but he understands them anyway, “I hadn’t seen the girls in a while. Hope you’re not too mad.” 

He doesn’t reply. You don’t seem to care, pressing up against him again. It feels so intimate, he’s not used to this. For once, in the many years he’s lived without doubt, he’s stuck. 

You managed to do that to him. Disarm him. You are surely the most dangerous opponent he’s had to face. 

You’re pulling away, a pout on your lips. 

“I knew it, you are mad,” You sigh, “Is there any way you can forgive me? Maybe…” 

You don’t finish your sentence, pressing up, messily pressing your warm lips to his. He’s kissed before, he’s not unnerved to the notion of touch, contact. 

But he can taste the ambrosia on your tongue. It’s addictive. 

“Sorry,” You whisper when you pull away. He doesn’t want you to. “I’m sorry.” 

You’re looking at him again, and your eyes are simmering, smoldering with a feeling that looks so dirty. You’re looking at him with absolute adoration and he strangely feels like he’s about to break. 

“You forgive me, right?” 

He makes his decision when you intertwine your hand in his, leading him to your bedroom. He makes sure you avoid stepping over your husband, guiding you away from the body. You’re giggling in his arms, caressing his hands. His face. 

Why would he give a fuck about having someone like you when he could just have you?

When you reach to turn on the bedroom light he’s quick to intervene, pinning you against the bed. Your intoxicated mind is eager to forget, clumsily reciprocating. 

He reaffirms his decision when he bites your neck, hearing you moan and writhe beneath him. 

He’ll keep you. After all, he’s worked so hard over these years. He deserves an award. 

You’ll love him, the same way you loved your husband, the rotting corpse he hopes will burn somewhere far far away from you two. 

And if you don’t. That’s okay too. Illumi has more than enough love to go around. 

[antigonick]

hey hey pauline, how do you manage to read so Much? im relieved that my uni syllabi force me to read, but also resent the fact that well. i don’t read much because of those syllabi either.

i realize that the algorithmic internet and burnout have smoothed my brain and i need to work on putting the wrinkles back but MAN. i miss being curious, or rather, being able to effectively and patiently explore that curiosity. art and learning are everywhere and i have to have faith that this is a relearnable skill (!!!!) but. yk. woeee is meee i love books when did they get so difficult

I don't read nearly enough anymore either. I do write a lot more, so I guess that's a plus, but reading-wise I'm in the fucking pit with no end in sight. I finished my PhD a year and a half ago and I don't think I've read more than... five? Books for fun since then? I'm curious, I'm excited, I buy books, but I find myself putting them down and not finishing them; those that are useful for my research, my translation work or the lessons I create I treat emptily and efficiently, as academics do, focusing on the parts I need instead of engaging with the whole, which is frustrating and feels empty because a text is a system and I'm necessarily missing out if I pick and choose. As you say for your syllabi—I'm almost relieved to have had mandatory reading for my studies this year because I simply had to read this shit, and I loved doing it, and I was so relieved to see I could still do it, but I only managed it by sticking to hard deadlines, giving myself rigid reading timeslots, page-goals, etc. You have to finish this by the end of the week—today you must read 50 pages and you're not moving your ass off this chair until you reach it. That's the only solution I can give you, and that helps me, since after a day of work I end up reaching for passive brain-off activities instead of books if I don't discipline myself. Let go of the resentment and take everything you can from what you do manage to read. I don't know how sustainable that is either, considering this all speaks of burnout but crawling out of the burnout by making reading a task is an easy slide into making it even more of a chore. My other working alternative has been to pick up books I don't care much about but are entertaining all the same—no pressure to engage with nuanced underlayers, with complex stylistic devices, no expectations and thoughtful critique, just fast-food thriller or horror or crime books that coax me into at least reading spontaneously and show to myself that I can finish a book by choice. Sometimes. Oh, and shorts—one poem a day if you can, one poem a week if you forget. I'm thinking of coming back to audio books too—can't take notes on them, which I dislike, but in transport and on walks it might be a better alternative than nothing.

Not sure this answer is anything else than a bummer BUT. Yeah. I hope some of those work for you ❤️

[passports-pls]

I was very disappointed in the lack of quality Mine playlists so I made my own 🤞

Listen here

you COULD listen to it in your own free time OR you could listen to it alongside my mentally insane directors commentary 😌

(under the cut)

for the sake of this post not getting too long I am grouping all the important songs into different categories pertaining to the different eras of mine tm

Pre-Daigo Misery (Nobody - The Other Woman)

This section is mostly abt Mine being a lonely little weirdo (characterised mostly by the smiths unsurprisingly) and because this era lacks a lot of actual content my notes are less specific between songs

There are actually so many male manipulator songs that fit too perfectly with Mine in this part of his life that I couldn't resist like I'm sorry but creep by radiohead is LITERALLY about him i don't make the rules

Okay but I do find 'Heaven Knowns Im Miserable Now' so funny in this context because I'm sure Mine was forcing himself into the yakuza expecting it to be so much easier to have close connections with these other men compared to his previous 9-5, only to find its almost exactly like his 9-5 just with more crime

'Salvatore' and 'Therefore I Am' are specifically the songs I attach to his bateman-esque grindset and his bubbling hatred for most of the people he works with dsfgf

okay but THE OTHER WOMAN ASWELL. It's literally mine you wouldn't understand. He dedicates so much time to taking care of himself and setting himself up to be an actual catch of a man and yet,, no one gives a shit about him despite all the effort he puts into his lifestyle to appeal to the ppl around him

LIKE??? Kicking and screaming he's so lana del ray coded

Just the sheer depression of this era i feel so bad for him

Yandere-mode activated (Can't Get You Out of My Head - The Killing Moon)

Self explanatory however actually finding songs that pertain to his specific brand of obsession was surprisingly difficult sfdsf

Although I will say that I cope and seethe at the fact that I had to sift through Killing Stalking playlists to settle on most of these songs gfdgsf

Theres such a delicate balance between the right amount of fluff and insanity that very few songs capture without being about literal stalking

like no in this case the stalker fucking won

that and vibes of idolizing Daigo like a god, I think 'Out of Touch' and 'Stolen Dance' do this the best

And freak because I can only imagine in all of Mine's relationships it's always been purely transactional and no ones ever put in the effort to actually talk and get to know Mine in any intimate form.

my poor touch starved blorbo

FEELINGS TM (Romantic Homicide - How to Dissapear)

THIS SECTION I FEEL GREATLY ABOUT

These songs to me are all about how Mine copes with Daigo's hospitalisation and when he wakes up. His whole internal battle surrounding his premature grief and his loss of connection with Daigo because could no longer see him as a truly living thing anymore

'Change' specifically hits when you think about it in this context. Because it's not so much about any real change in Daigo himself it's all about Mine's mental image of him now (because let's be real, Mine was way more in love with the idealised version he had of Daigo more than anything tangible about him)

IFHY is a little more of any iffy choice but I think it still convey's a lot about how conflicted Mine likely felt as well as just continuing his Yandere behaviour just in a much more sinister flavour

Okay but here's where my favourite song of the entire list is

WHITE FLAG BABY

admittedly it's completely self indulgent and ties into the mine-lives theory. But just the guilt and shame Mine felt when he see's that Daigo was indeed alive and that he was going to have to explain the past few weeks to him

yeah i would've thrown myself off that roof as well

also the lyric "I will go down with this ship" paralleling his "everyone abandons ship eventually" line just tickles my brain in the best way

'Door' and 'I Guess' are also just Mine guilt tm as well

'I guess' even more specifically because he's literally attached himself to daigo like a parasite and now he's thinking daigo's gonna break up with him I just AUGH

He KNOWS he's completely fucked up but I don't think he realises how much of a pushover Daigo is just yet and that he would have forgiven him eventually gjfdg

I'll probably update this with more notes as I remember them but for now I hope y'all enjoy the playlist!

[juanarc-thethird]

An Opportunity Has Arrive Part 15

At the White Fang Headquarters

*Knock Knock*

Jaune: May I come in?

Sienna: Oh Jaune, you came quickly.

Jaune: Well, you said it's an emergency so I came as fast as I could.

Sienna: Excellent and I see that you are wearing comfortable clothes as I asked.

Jaune: Yep, gray pants, a hoodie, and some sneakers. So what's the problem? What do you need me for?

Sienna: Of course. Are you familiar with the No Nut November challenge?

Jaune: Yes, it's very popular on the internet. I participated in that too.

Sienna: *Quielty* That explains Blake's behavior

Jaune: I'm sorry?

Sienna: Any way!… are you familiar with what happens after the month ends?

Jaune: Well… I say nothing. But if we go to the internet well… it would be… Destroy-

Sienna: -Dick December, that is correct.

Jaune: Why are you asking me this?

Sienna: Walk with me, Jaune.

Jaune: Okay?

Jaune follows Sienna as she walks towards a door on the other side of the room.

Sienna: Since I know you are very aware of what is happening. You know very well that sexually active women go through a difficult time during the month of November and release all that stress in the month of December.

Jaune: *Remembering how Willow and Winter acted on the first of December* I have an idea.

Sienna: Well, for faunus women the stress is bigger.

Jaune: So you want the two of us to have...

She stops at the door.

Sienna: Oh no, I don't need that… now. I mean, I don't mind the idea~ *Gropes his ass* But I'm really busy today. Returning to the topic. This problem that I mentioned to you only affects younger women. Women around your age, just to clarify. And unfortunately, for different reasons, they no longer have anyone to vent their frustrations with.

Jaune: What happened with their partners?

Sienna: *Sighs* Where to start, they found enlightenment, they decided to live a life without carnal sin, they don't want to "do it" anymore, take your pick. The fact is that this girls are alone and you are the only person I know who can help them.

Jaune: I don't know. I feel like it's a lot of work.

Sienna: Come on, isn't it like you've never been in a reverse-gangbang before?

Jaune: Yes, but this is… different.

Sienna: I'll give you a PS5.

Jaune: *Serious* Deal

Sienna: Wow, just like that?

Jaune: Do you know how hard it is to get one of those? So yes, I will take the deal.

Sienna: Ok then.

Sienna opens the door. Jaune sees that the room is dark and a very strong smell comes out of it, but not a bad one.

Jaune: *Worry* Why is it dark?

Without receiving a response, Sienna pushes him into the room and she announces at the top of her lungs.

Sienna: Ladies, the stud has arrived! *Slams the door shut*

Jaune: Hold on!

He can't see anything, but he can hear a little giggling. Without having a lamp he uses his aura to light up the room, showing him what awaits him~

Velvet: *Close to his face and happy* You finally arrived!

Jaune: AAH!! Oh my god. Velvet, you scared me.

Velvet: Im sorry it was not my intention.

Jaune: It's okay. You know, the way Sienna described it to me, I thought a girl in your situation would act more… aggressive.

Velvet: Oh, that's because I just got here. I can control myself a little better, but the other girls? They do need a good dicking.

Behind Velvet Jaune she can see several girls getting up from the floor like zombies. Jaune panicked, but Velvet comforted him.

Velvet: Don't worry, I'll make sure you don't get hurt....

Jaune smiles

Velvet: ...But I can't say the same about blake.

Jaune: Wait, Blake is here?!

Velvet: Yep, she is right above you.

Jaune looks up and sees yellow eyes looking out from the darkness.

Jaune: Hi-Hi Blake.

Blake: *She lunges towards him*

Jaune: Oh SHiT!!!

Meanwhile outside.

Sienna: *On the phone* Kali, the plan worked. You no longer have to worry about your daughter and the girls under my command can concentrate on their work again.

Kali: *Phone* Really?!

Sienna: Of course, listen. *Puts the phone near the door*

Blake: NYAAA!~💕

Kali: Oh, my baby sounds so happy. By the way, are you going to the Christmas party.

Sienna: Yes I'm going, I already confirmed to Nora that I'll be there.

Kali: Great. Did you buy tickets for the Christmas raffle?~

Sienna: Absolutely~

[achubbydumpling]

I love your writing, especially when it comes to fat Bucky and/or Steve!!

What are some of your favorite weight gain tropes with them? And what's the biggest you like to see them? Bc I LOVE when they get to the point of mobility struggles and talking seriously about accommodating for immobility 🥵 so any thoughts on that, feel free to share 👀👀👀

hi! thank you so much, as slow as I am at answering them I really really really love getting asks like this (I mean who doesn't love compliments haha)

speaking of (im)mobility I gotta link two posts, one by me and one by @mylevisdontfitanymore with lots of fics about immobility:

https://www.tumblr.com/achubbydumpling/708676381409771520/whats-your-opinion-on-immobilitynearly-immobile

https://www.tumblr.com/mylevisdontfitanymore/713904301783810048/do-you-have-any-works-or-links-to-other-works-that

Now, to your questions:

What are some of your favorite weight gain tropes with them?

what isn't a favourite of mine? 😂 hm if I had to narrow it down to three probably

weight gain as a metaphor for healing from past trauma

old men finally getting to live the life of their kinkiest dreams

accidental kink discovery

(are those even weight gain tropes? 🤔)

and I usually prefer Bucky to gain (more) weight, I don't really have an explanation for this, it's just what I prefer (feel free to psychoanalyse that 😂)

And what's the biggest you like to see them?

any size at all really, fat, overweight, underweight, morbidly obese, the brain rot is in the stucky 😌😂

no I mean I don't mind as long as it's somewhat "realistic", i.e. a person of that weight has lived on earth before, idk I'm just not really into the thousands of pounds weights? I feel like at some point you can't really escalate anymore in terms of writing the experience, how does 3000lbs feel different from 1000lbs? it can be done, I've read some excellent stories before

but generally I'd say anything below 1000lbs is like a soft limit for me while reading and especially when I'm writing the story

that being said hnnng mobility struggles 🥵🥵🥵

Bc I LOVE when they get to the point of mobility struggles and talking seriously about accommodating for immobility 🥵 so any thoughts on that, feel free to share 👀👀👀

is there anything better than constantly being out of breath, being painfully aware of how fat and out of shape they are when they're just walking to the kitchen or when they're just too big to fit somewhere

I love it when immobility is constantly on the horizon, threatening to take over but for right now they can still get around, right now it's exhausting and annoying and so so so hot just to do the simplest things because of their weight and their size.

and then with Bucky and Steve I think mobility aids and accomodations would come relatively late into the process, not because Bucky doesn't want them, but because he 1) has the/a supersoldier serum so that eases some of the intense discomfort and pain and mostly reduces it to an annoyance or some things just take him longer and 2) he has a super soldier around to help out

I think some accomodations would creep in without them even noticing, like

when Bucky first moves into Steve's apartment it's still a bachelor pad, mostly Steve's decor and some furnishings SHIELD put in for Steve, one of the things they replace is the low futon style bed

they aren't even really thinking about accomodating Bucky's weight yet, but they both gravitate towards a higher bed, maybe a really nice box-spring bed?

(I honestly don't know much about beds 😅 but I like the ones that go all the way to the bottom and don't have feet or short ones because I feel like those would be less likely to break due to weight or.. shenanigans)

something that's around hip-height, that makes it easier for Bucky to get up since he doesn't have to heave himself up from such a low position

also something with a high weight limit just because hey, they're big guys even when they aren't actively gaining and getting heavier and when they're having fun in bed (feeding, stuffing, sex (in that or any order haha)) they don't want to have to worry about accidentally breaking anything

heavy-duty chairs obviously no arm rests, as hot as it is to try and squeeze his fat ass in, Bucky doesn't need that at every meal, I feel like they'd have a huge sofa, not just a three seater or something but the full thing with like ottomans and pull-out sections

heavy duty everything really though I feel like SHIELD would've added that just because they know Captain America has super strength and would probably appreciate some sturdy furniture in his apartment, someone had to furnish that apartment for Steve, I can't imagine him thawing out of the ice and heading straight to bed, bath and beyond 😂

that's furniture, what about behavioural accomodations?

Steve definitely gets Bucky whatever he asks for, no need to get up when Steve is already on his way, I love the headcanon that the serum gave Steve a serious energy boost, like he can barely sit still and even if he does his thoughts are racing instead, so yeah most of the time he's puttering around the apartment anyway and he's more than happy to get Bucky whatever he wants

whenever they go out they're quick to order an uber or use public transport, they don't walk much when they're together, Steve enjoys running, even when he gains weight I think it's a good outlet for his pent up energy, and if they want to enjoy the city, they'd rather sit in a café or on a shaded bench in a park, than walking around aimlessly just for the sake of it

(this is like 80 million head canons stacked on top of each other 😂)

Bucky with a cane enough said, actually not enough said

his joints, bones, muscles, tendons are probably a mess of scar tissue after 70 years of being the winter soldier, so I 100% support the headcanon that he struggles with chronic pain from that

his prosthesis looks heavy af which could lead to some one-sided overuse and when he takes it off, he's leaning to the other side, a cane could help with balance and

imagine he's so heavy and his thighs are so thick that he has a heavy waddle that makes him sway side to side and the cane helps him stabilize his body during every step he takes 😩😩😩

it's a clichée at this point but riding a mobility scooter while buying a shitton of food, Bucky is already pretty big at this point, like "worrying about the weight limit on those scooters"-big, even with the arm rests pushed up Bucky is squeezed in, he's definitely wider than the seat and you can see his hips and thighs hanging over the seat of the scooter from the back (Steve loves letting Bucky lead the way just to get a view of that backside 😏😂)

this is also the point where they're like "ok, we gotta seriously talk about mobility aids now" I imagine Bucky's been using the cane at least since he was below 300lbs (ooh braces too maybe to support his knee?) and the first time he used the mobility scooter was a novelty and a "I wanna feel fat"-moment, you know what I mean?

but then Bucky notices how much less exhausted he is after grocery shopping, usually he takes a short nap after and he used to think it was just mostly because of all the lights and sounds and people, just a sensory thing, but now it's like "no, carrying around all this weight is definitly a big part of it"

idk if they'd go straight for a personal mobility scooter, I feel like Bucky would maybe add a walking frame first? not a lot of moving parts and it's similar to his cane, so there's some familiarity there, it's helpful around the house but outside it's usually more of an annoyance because people won't move out of his way and the uneven pavements make it feel less stable than inside

next he might start thinking about a wheelchair, the jump to a mobility scooter feels huge, something manual feels easier to think about, he'd still have to push himself

but after trying it out Bucky has to admit that it takes a lot of strength and endurance to push himself around and he doesn't want Steve to constantly be pushing him, not because he thinks Steve wouldn't want to do it but because he also wants to look at Steve's face while they're out and about and just chatting about everything and nothing, and he'd give up a lot of freedom if he went with a manual wheelchair right now

so a mobility scooter it is

it takes Bucky another few months to actually decide, the reason it feels like such a huge step is partially because of what other people will think, Bucky has a slight exibitionist streak, but getting around in a mobility scooter will draw even more attention than he already gets

it's almost a self-proclaimed, "I'm too fat to walk", which isn't true, he can and does still walk around fine, maybe not that far or that often, but he can still do it and hell, he gets off to the thought, Steve gets off on it too, it's not like what people assume is going to be wrong

but this big investment is almost like a final nail in the coffin of his mobility, is it giving up or giving in? finally permission to stop worrying, to stop scoping restaurants and cafés for chairs that'll hold him, to start demanding people make space for him instead of jostling his walking frame or bumping into his cane

in the end Bucky doesn't regret his decision, even for a second, he gets to visit his favourite places in the city without pain, without wheezing from exhaustion, without feeling embarassed by how much space he takes up (as delicious as that shame could sometimes be when Steve talks about those moments afterwards in the bedroom)

and maybe they finally cycle back around to replacing their current bed, not because it's broken but because they're dangerously quickly approaching that heavy weight limit and maybe a bariatric bed is the next step in Bucky's journey

[landofzero-archive]

Ougonten - Account of the Dragon's Ascension 2

Writer: Kanata Haruka

Season: Winter

(Location: Starmony Dorms (Ritsu and Mika's Room))

(The next day)

Mika: Haah…… It’s still cold outside. Even just going out in the hallway for a moment irritates my skin.

Ritsu: Welcome back, Mikari~n. It’s still cold out there isn’t it. That’s why today is the day to  just relax under the kotatsu.

Come on, Mikarin hurry up and get under. You’re cold aren’t you?

Mika: I can’t! I already know that if I get put under the spell of the kotatsu I won’t be able ta do anything else!

It’s a rare day off, so I have no choice but ta concentrate on my art activities or else I’ll never be able ta face Oshi-san.

Ritsu: That’s what you say, but Mikarin doesn’t like the cold either. If you don’t keep yourself warm, you’ll get sick, and I think that’s rather inefficient~

See, there’s something special about drinking warm tea while cozying up under a kotatsu~♪♪

Mika: Uuu, if I do it just a little bit…… But I know just a little bit could be fatal.

But…… It’s still cold outside! Just for a little while, just for five minutes—

Mitsuru: Hmhm. Mika-ni~chan and the kotatsu’s magic power? It seems like he can’t resist it.

Mika: Uwah!? Why’s Mitsuru-kun in the kotatsu!?

Mitsuru: Wawah!? Mika-ni~chan found me! I gotta dash away~!

Mika: So fast!? What the heck’s goin’ on……?

Ritsu: He got here while you were out of the room, so I let him in. I wonder if he wanted to get under the kotatsu together.

But to escape from the kotatsu’s evil influence with such speed…… It’s pretty impressive~

Mika: He just wanted ta get under the kotatsu? I wonder if that’s really true. I think he was talkin’ about me……

(Location: Handicrafts Club Room)

(Another day)

Mika: It fills me with a lot of emotion to think that I’ll be able to work in the club room fer a little while longer.

Maybe it’d be a good idea to come up with a design based on a graduation or early spring theme? Um, I guess I haven't brought my sketchbook back home yet.

Mitsuru: Stare~………

Mika: I feel eyes on me from the entrance!? Who’s there!?

Mitsuru: Wa-……!?

Mika: Ah, he ran!

(Location: Yumenosaki Hallway)

Mitsuru: Dash dash! Mika-ni~chan was working hard on his design today too~!

Mika: Aah, I can’t see ‘im anymore. But the voice I heard just now was Mitsuru-kun’s.

I feel like Mitsuru-kun’s been followin’ me around lately. Why’s he doin’ that……?

(Location: Season Avenue)

(Another day)

Mika: (I came here ta buy some art supplies I didn’t have, but……)

Mitsuru: (Whispering) …… I can’t have Mika-ni~chan find me, it’s the beginning of an investigation.

Hmhm. He wanted to go out today. Is he going somewhere to play?

But playing alone would be boring. Maybe it’s just shopping……?

I’m interested either way! It looks like I’ll be able to get some good information on Mika-ni~chan!♪

Mika: (Uuu…… I knew it- it’s Mitsuru-kun. Why’s he following me around?

I’m not really comfortable bein’ followed around forever. Alright, if things turn out like this, then I’ll ambush him around that corner……)

Mitsuru: Ah, I’m gonna lose him! I have to hurry and catch up—

Mika: Mitsuru-kun! I caught ya!

Mitsuru: Uwah!? Mika-ni~chan ambushed me!?

Mika: I noticed ya were followin’ behind me. More importantly, why are you doin’ this?

Mitsuru: Th-That’s……

Ah, there’s Oshi-san-senpai over there!

MIka: Eh!? Why’s Oshi-san here in a place like this!? He never said anythin’ about comin’ back……!

Huh? I can’t see Oshi-san anywhere……

Mitsuru: Sorry, Mika-ni~chan! I gotta run away now, babyuu~n☆

Mika: Ah, I got tricked! I said I wouldn’t let him get away, but he’s already that far away……!?

As expected from the track and field club…… I can’t help but feel motivated ta chase after him.

(Location: Starmony Dorms Common Area)

Mika: (In the end, Mitsuru-kun keeps running away from me, and I don’t know why he’s following me around.

I feel like I’m being watched by Mitsuru-kun all the time, so I can’t concentrate on my creative activities……)

For now, I’ll just have some tea and calm down……

Haah, seriously. If I did somethin’ ta Mitsuru-kun, I just wanna apologize properly.

Nagisa: …… You seem really worried, Mika-kun. If you have any worries, I’ll hear you out.

Mika: Ngah!? Ran-senpai suddenly called out ta me! Ya surprised me!

Nagisa: …… I’m sorry. I was already in the room, but I guess you didn’t notice.

Mika: That seems ta be the case. I’m sorry for botherin’ ya while ya were relaxin’?

Nagisa: …… It’s an apology with undertones to it, it seems. Should I just accept that you don’t want to apologize to me?

Mika: …… Uuu, you’re forgiving. Since you’re a member of ex-fine, I got defensive on reflex.

I know that Ran-senpai meant well earlier when ya said ya would listen ta me, but……

Nagisa: …… The fact that I hurt you all in the past will not change. It’s only natural that Mika-kun wouldn’t meekly accept my help.

…… This is my nosiness. You are free to refuse or accept my help. Don’t worry about it.

…… Judging from your soliloquy earlier, it seems that Tenma-kun is also involved in your troubles. Perhaps we should hear what he has to say.

Mika: Eh, wait a second! Did you just say we were gonna talk to Mitsuru-kun?

Nagisa: …… I get along well with Tenma-kun. If he’s having trouble then I want to help him.

Mika: Ngah~, when ya put it like that  it’s hard to say no. I don’t want ya ta do anythin’ unnecessary……

Haah…… I’ll be honest with ya this time. I also want ta hear from Mitsuru-kun.

Actually, recently I’ve been having trouble with Mitsuru-kun followin’ me around.

Even when I’d try to ask him why, he’d just run away and there was nonthin’ I could do.

Nagisa: …… Hmm. Even if I try to guess the reason for his behavior, I don’t have enough information to come up with an answer.

…… It would be quicker to ask Tenma-kun directly. He should be in the library now.

Mika: Really? Isn’t it unexpected that Mitsuru-kun’s in the library?

Nagisa: …… It looked like he was writing. If you want to corner him so he can’t escape, now might be a good opportunity.

Mika: The way ya said “corner” is kinda unsettling……?

Previous | Directory | Next

[dtupdates-archive]

♡—DREAM was active on DreamFanartAcc! He liked:

memories of a tour 🫶

🎶I wanna put you in the spotlight🎶

Can we make a chain little doodle of us hugging dream..I'll start ;; hugs for dream 🫂💚💚💚

sending you the biggest hug in the world <3

you're never allowed to be sad ever again btw 🩷

no more sad. happy 🫂

doodle chain >:( 🫶

Doodle hug chain! 🫂🫂

love you endlessly<3

DOODLE HUG CHAIN FOR DREAM #hugsfordream WE LOVE YOU <3

hug chain for druppy 🐶

doodle chain >:]]🫶🫶

/hug @.dreamwastaken🩷

you are loved 🫂

DOODLE CHAIN!!! >:] gws and feel better dreamie <3

Doodle chain :] 🫶💚

We’re so proud of you.

WE LOVE YOU HUGS FOR DREAM! 💚💚

get the drun, george, killing them with kindness isn’t working anymore

for you ❤️

30 minute thingy

hey we love you and we will always have your back

Dream and gogy singing together🤩✨

love u so much

dream x USAHANA!! my entry for the Dream Sanrio collab ^0^ hosted by @.TunaMuffiin

he deserves all of the hugs in the world <3

hugs! 🫂

123 for skype team.. wait🧐

…yeah. So puppy coded am I right ‼️😌

You deserve to be treated like a human being with human emotions ❤️

Made you some soup :]

chillin in la <- IN LA ‼️🔥

:’(💖hugs for dream!

*hugs

And you'll always be loved!!🫶🏻

the sweetest soul.

I'm a m*therfuckin' starboy ⭐

The light of the night 👁️🫦👁️

this is my way of giving him flowers that won’t die 🌹

yeehaw!

the dream team my favorite cat dads 🐈

my two favs one d and dream <3

more practice yaayyyyy

im not an artist in the slightest but i just need dream to know how loved he is 🫂

\o/ hugs HUGS !!!

*VINE BOOM*

performing looks so good on him.

!!

Warden dúo 🌸✨🌸✨🌸

time to pull this out again, hope you feel better soon dream :( <3

(kaya dreamiara 'who suffered more jesus or minecraft youtuber dream' tumblr poll screenshot)

Im struggling lots

(untitled rivals duo fanart)

i miss the droncerts :(

hugs hugs love hugs love

the silly

[motionless-in-blue-socks]

i wasnt gonna post this, and im sorry in advance if any of this sounds mean, but some of yall need to hear this 💀

okay, i know the only time i ever talk about bad omens on here is when im making fun of noah's fuck ass bob, but ive actually been a fan of bad omens for several years, and since i was also a really big poppy fan a few years ago, i thought id like to share my two cents on this whole wackadoodle thing going on amongst fans.

now, i don't like to throw around terms like "chronically online" and "parasocial" willy-nilly, but this is honestly the vibe some of you guys are putting out. poppy and noah are not only on the same label- but they are going on tour together next year. of fucking COURSE they are going to be seen interacting with each other. it would be weird if they weren't.

also, that man is 28 years old. he should be allowed to exist near women without people speculating on whether they're dating or not.

and regardless of whether they're dating or not, it is no one's business but their own. they are both full-grown adults. i know i make fun of noah a lot, but i genuinely feel bad for him. i can't imagine how fucking annoying it must be to not even be able to interact with a woman who is essentially his COWORKER at a WORK PARTY without people freaking the fuck out. and yall wonder why he's not active on social media anymore 💀

moral of the story: you all need to go outside, touch some grass, and really think about what decisions you've made in your life that have led you to caring SO MUCH about the POTENTIAL personal relationships of this grown-ass man who doesn't even know you exist.

[futurefind]

Hiatus Announcement

//I've alluded to it before but now I'm actually verbalizing it so!! Hiatus announcement be upon ye!! More specifically, a 'pseudo' hiatus, where I'll basically be putting entire blog on 'request only'— I'll prob keep lurking, likely keep posting About my blorbos, absolutely keep any threads, but... Gestures.

Tl;dr, because I'm not good about talking About feelings, and to try and talk about it would make me feel like I'm guilt tripping etc etc: I'm extremely low spoons, and about as low confidence, so I don't have the energy to be proactive and 100% initiate like... anything.

And it'd feel misleading to say 'oh I'm not on hiatus :)' as if I'm on full activity when I'm... not!

If you initiate stuff I'll return the favor and babble back, up to and including just asking me to do xyz (blorbo babbles, inbox raiding, etc)!!

(Edit/PS: As always my discord's available to moots, @/nethernor_i, but since I'll be lurking tumblr IMs also work as usual!!)

(Edit 8.4.24: Just to state the obvious for obvious's sake, again: PLEASE INITIATE/DM/ETC if you want anything!! When I say request only I mean it and so outside of that I'm gonna presume you're not keen on me / us doing anything.)

EDIT / UPDATE (8.7)

I said I wasn't gonna talk about the why's of my hiatus but I can't stop thinking about it and it's not not relevant to share even if it can't be helped so: that'll be below the cut since it's insecurity / vent / negative adjacent :')

Tl;dr, though: I don't feel comfortable here on tumblr anymore and that's what's impacting my activity / presence / confidence / etc, not just universally low spoons across the board. When I came back it was for sake networking for rp and making friends Through rp, but at current it's fizzled out and i'm much more comfortable focusing on private rp / rp groups than on here

(But if we have preexisting threads on here I won't drop them, juuuuust don't be afraid to add & poke me on discord to lmk when you've replied<3)

(again, this is below the cut for vent/negative/insecurity reasons, so if youre not up for that dwai) - any further Regular updates will be put above this section lol

idk I feel the simplest and most 'objective' way to put it is that my intent of 'keep dash tiny and small and palatable to prevent getting overwhelmed' is severely biting me in the ass bc it leads to extremely like... disproportionate? desires of activity??? where I'm looking to get lots of activity from (for example), like, ~5 people, but they are both not looking for turbo activity with me specifically and have interactions with 20+ people they're looking to keep up with (if, not necessarily, wrt longform rp) — on top of all the once-very-active moots that have dipped off into the void entirely, not just wrt ~our rp~

and like... subjectively??? i have like no sense of relationship decay, but exponentially horrific emotional permanence (the thing that lets you know you're cared about even when ppl are not directly talking to you or the like), and combined with the negative feedback loop of 'low confidence -> low activity -> less confidence bc less activity ->->' ???

it creates a very very Not Fun mix that makes me feel alone and lonely, like i'd be ignored even screaming in a crowded room, and feeling like what interactions i Do get are moreso an after thought or pity rather than reciprocated enthusiasm.

and its like. idk. it feels like law of diminishing returns but also w at least five secret spices of guilt about it—whether it's because i'm not 'trying hard enough' to 'earn' the 'attention', or because i'm 'blaming' ppl for the completely lighthearted nbd act of just... not making me a 'favorite' and making me feel 'entitled/spoiled' for just missing people