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#i know that really it's the sitting and procrastinating that's taking my time
pulitzerspoodless · 2 days
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“‘write what you know’, so they say—“
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admin info + headcanons under cut :3
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“all i know is, i don’t know what to write!”
admin!!
hi! im grace, she/her, bisexual + aroace :)
katherine is my favourite character so i wanted to make a blog for her!!! :D
nsfw asks are allowed! im not bothered by any asks!
if you have any questions, send an ask or dm me! <3
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“-or the right way to write it…”
headcanons!!
- 17, she/her, bisexual, dating jack. yes jatherine is canon here. sorry not sorry :)
- a literal goddess at baking. sometimes bakes to distract herself from writers block.
- doodles on the sides of her papers when she’s writing rough drafts.
- sits and watched jack paint, very VERY mesmerised by his talent.
- autism and adhd (mainly hyperactivity issues). she gets excited when she talks about stuff she’s interested in, and the newsies love listening to her, especially jack.
- always mocks jacks accent, she finds his reactions funny.
- also snatches jacks hat and puts it on her head whenever she gets the chance.
- close with all of the newsies, but particularly race, crutchie, and davey!!
- honestly tends to procrastinate a lot, and has to get jack to remind her to do a lot of stuff.
- pretends to be annoyed by jacks constant flirty nature, but is actually, very wooed by it.
- severely stressed 90% of the time, her nails are bitten down to the bed, which she tends to do when she’s stressed.
- tries to quiet down the louder newsies, but gets quite loud herself when she’s passionate about something.
- has a cat that sits with her whenever she writes.
- the boys have a lot of nicknames for her. kathy, kath, kat, kitty kat (goes with the cat headcanon), rinny, rin, etc.
- my religious headcanon is that she’s jewish!! but she takes the newsies to see the nuns with jack often.
- really struggles with being blunt, says stuff she doesn’t mean a lot. the newsies are used to it so they make a cheeky little teasing comment and then forgive her.
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“this is big, lady! don’t screw it up!”
more will be added as we go on :3
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17 notes · View notes
halfdeadwallfly · 11 months
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i finally did my dishes after a week, and i was like,, ok,,, i'm gonna fold the laundry now too (it's been four days since i washed it). but to do that, i have to make my bed (it's the only big enough flat surface i have in my dorm). and now i'm halfway through making my bed, and all of a sudden, it's like,, oh my god... why am i doing this there's so much more i have to do i've wasted the whole night and i still have to sort out all my blankets and stuff and then fold the laundry and then heat up dinner and it's all sooooo sadgojhaoigh ughhhh like at this point it's basically tomorrow and i can't deal with tomorrow because then it's basically next week and i have work due then and like i can't even think about doing that, but i have to ,because i have to do it tomorrow, because everything takes so long and it's already basically tomorrow
basically why does time pass and why is folding the laundry so fucking hard
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abyssembraced · 1 year
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I'm hesitant to outright promise anything, but I'm hoping to get to my owed replies sometime soon? At least the ones I owe for Ghost, anyway.
I'm also open to plot new threads for either Ghost or Rouxls! Admittedly, I'm not sure how much time I'll have to sit down and Discuss things this week, mind you, but I'm willing to give it a shot! Finishing my currently owed replies will have to take priority over writing any new starters or replies for new threads, though, since I've owed them for a frankly ridiculous amount of time and I feel really bad for putting them off for so long, but plotting and planning stuff is good!
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bluehoodiewoozi · 16 days
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Fools in Love
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Kim Mingyu x fem!Reader
Genre: strangers to lovers, fluff
Words: 10.5k
Warnings: adult language. mentions of stalking (no one’s actually stalked). reader has a lot of conflicting feelings and it takes her three to five business days to figure everything out.
[UNI AU] When Jeonghan made you declare a stranger in the library your new boyfriend, you had a very different outcome in your mind.
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Note: for some reason, my bestie @luvlino really liked this fic as a WIP and I promised to finish it for her eventually, so here we are. anyways, we've been referring to this fic as "himbo!gyu" all this time
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You should’ve known it wouldn’t end well. 
The first sign should have been the shiver up your spine when Jeonghan’s lips quirked into a smile that you knew far too well. The second sign should have definitely been your voice of reasons cursing and hatching ridiculously elaborate escape plans. 
He leaned forward against the table between you two, maintaining eye contact. “So what do you say?”
“Sorry,” you blinked and shook your head, “I wasn’t paying attention. What were you saying?”
Jeonghan clicked his tongue. “Of course you weren’t.”
“When is she ever?” Joshua half-joked, nose deep in an oddly specific magazine he’d picked up in a procrastination daze. He looked up briefly to give you a once over before humming to himself, “Honestly, it might be for the better.”
“As I was saying,” Jeonghan glared at Joshua before offering you a sickeningly sweet smile – and there was that shiver up your spine again –, “go up to pretty boy over there and tell him he’s your boyfriend now.”
“I don’t even like him,” you muttered, glancing at the boy as discreetly as you could. You almost bit your tongue at your hasty words because the slight furrow of his brow and his jawline had your heart screeching. You frowned, head whipping back to look at Jeonghan. “Wait, what’s in it for me?”
If his wide eyes were anything to go by, he was as clueless as you were. With a sheepish shrug, he offered, “I’ll buy you a candy bar? You like Snickers, right?”
You stared at him in wonder for a while but were soon interrupted by Joshua’s scandalised gasp. “Is it because Snickers is on sale at the convenience store this week?” 
Jeonghan blinked slowly. “Why else?”
Your gaze drifted back to the mysterious student sitting across the library, now scribbling notes in his iPad between puzzled head-scratches. The part of you that wanted to say ‘fuck it’ and go through with the dare was growing by the second.
But before you could agree, the dad friend of the group finally decided to speak up. Seungcheol placed a hand on your shoulder and looked you right in the eyes. “You do know that you don’t have to agree to every bet Jeonghan gives you, right? Please tell me that you know that.”
Seeing the worry in his eyes, you couldn’t help but wonder if maybe you were starting to develop a gambling problem with the help of Yoon Jeonghan. But what’s one more bet anyway?
“One Snickers bar?” you repeated back and Jeonghan nodded. Your eyes narrowed. “Make it three and a can of cola.”
He had the audacity to gasp. “That’s robbery!”
“Not if you’re the one paying,” Joshua pointed out rather off-handedly, still more focused on his magazine. (You took a moment to identify the issue in his hands as ‘Practical Sheep, Goats and Alpacas’ and once again wondered how you became friends with this gem of a human.)
Jeonghan grumbled, slumping in his seat. “Fine. Three Snickers bars and a can of cola, but you have to go up to him and tell him he’s your boyfriend now and then walk away like nothing happened.”
“Bet.”
Beside you, Seungcheol sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I should’ve just joined the Italians for that group project back in the first year. Why did I choose you idiots instead of the Italians?”
“You love us.” Jeonghan winked. He then slumped in his seat, a soft pout on his lips. “By the way, speaking of the Italians, I found one of the girls crying last night.”
“Crying? Why?” you wondered. “Was she okay?”
“Apparently her boyfriend broke up with her, over text no less,” Jeonghan sighed, filled with compassion as always. “She looked really heartbroken. I had to comfort her for hours.”
Joshua frowned. “So that’s where you were.”
“Did you find out who the jerk was?” Seungcheol asked. “You should’ve at least gone and given him a good slap upside the head.”
“Kim Mingyu. That’s the jerk’s name.”
Seungcheol grimaced. “That guy deserves even worse. I swear there seems to be another heartbreak with his name written all over it every three days.”
“Well, anyways!” Jeonghan cheered up again, clapping his hands together excitedly. “You get to be the heartbreaker today, oh my dear (Y/n).”
“When are you going up to him then?” Joshua wondered, setting his magazine aside as curiosity took over. For someone claiming to be well-mannered, he sure loved any implications of impending drama. “I’m not sure how long he’ll stay cooped up in here.”
You rolled your eyes and got up, grabbing your bag and phone. “I’m going now and leaving you guys behind.”
“Oh, right!” Seungcheol smiled. “You said you’re going plant shopping, right?”
“Plant shopping?!” screeched Jeonghan, clearly caught unaware. “Don’t you already have, like, three plants?”
“I don’t have a neon pothos yet,” you reasoned timidly. Joshua nodded in approval as Seungcheol watched you with a fond smile, much resembling a proud father. 
Jeonghan raised an eyebrow before turning to Seungcheol. “And you’re telling me that I am a bad influence on her?”
“I’m going!” you called out softly, slow steps leading you away from the four-seat table in the art section of the library. You watched warily as the boys argued between themselves. “Guys?”
“– and just the other day you told her to –” Seungcheol interrupted himself with a cough to offer you a bright smile, silently asking you what you needed.
“I’m leaving,” you whispered theatrically loudly and nodded towards the mysterious stranger in front of whom you were about to make a fool out of yourself. 
As always, Jeonghan was the first to catch on. He offered a wink. “Good luck, baby.”
You felt your lunch crawl up your throat at the nickname and the suddenly wide eyes of Joshua told you he felt the same way. You shook it off and headed towards the exit.
On the way out of the building, you took a deep breath and stopped in front of your victim’s desk. Feeling like a middle-schooler preparing to recite a poem by heart, you clasped your hands in front of your body and cleared your throat.
At the sudden interruption, the handsome man glanced up, eyes wide in surprise. He mirrored your smile, setting his pen aside as he waited for you to speak.
You didn’t need to look back to feel Jeonghan’s and Joshua’s curious stares on you. But you were nothing if not a good sport, so you forced your smile to brighten a little bit more before looking the man in his eyes and announcing, “As of right now, you are my boyfriend.”
If you hadn’t been the cause of it, the sudden drop of his jaw and the bulging of his eyes would have amused you beyond human comprehension. But unlike Jeonghan and Joshua, you did have an ounce of dignity and compassion, so you offered one last smile before scurrying out of the library.
As you set foot outside the library, you left behind a confused man and a half-hearted promise.
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You spent the rest of the week praying and hoping and praying again that you wouldn’t run into the tall mysterious stranger who had become your friends’ newest inside joke. So far, you've been successful.
“Here,” Jeonghan slammed three Snickers bars down on your desk on Monday and sighed, “your payment.”
Your eyes naturally fell into a suspicious squint. “Where’s the cola?”
Jeonghan offered a tight-lipped smile and a pat on your shoulder. “Jihoon needs it more than you do. Think of the children, Y/n.”
You failed to see how Lee Jihoon who had just three days ago publicly threatened to choke Kwon Soonyoung with his freshly broken guitar string could be considered a child, but you assumed there was a good reason. So you decided to let it slide just this once (or at least until Joshua would feel bad for you and buy you the cola himself).
Until then, you would take what you could get. 
Frankly, by this point, you were starting to forget about the library incident. It was just a bet like every other. This was no different from the time when Jeonghan dared you to guilt-trip Seungcheol into giving you his favourite hoodie. 
Except when you caught the eye of a handsome stranger as he walked into the classroom, you knew that was about to change. His lips slowly curved into a smile and you just knew that this was the end of your life as you knew it.
Instinctively, you shuffled around to make yourself seem as small and insignificant as possible. The ceiling looked far more attractive than ever before while you hoped that maybe this man had terrible eyesight and he’d mistake you for part of the furniture. Or maybe he’d at least buy into the idea that it had been a different girl who harassed him at the library.
“I knew I recognized you from somewhere,” the man spoke a bit too smugly as he approached the desk you and Jeonghan had chosen for the lecture. His smile brightened even more. “I guess I’m your boyfriend now.”
But before you could protest or even comprehend what was happening, he winked and headed further back into the classroom. When you glanced over your shoulder, you found him sitting next to Jeon Wonwoo, a smile on his face. He offered you one last (and, in your opinion, excessive) wink before turning back to his seatmate.
You turned to glare at Jeonghan who looked just as baffled as you felt. Under your threatening stare, his silence slowly turned into nervous laughter. “Well… That was not the outcome I expected…”
“Oh, it wasn’t?” you couldn’t help but bite back before groaning and hiding your face in your hands. “Has he been in this class this whole time?”
“I guess he always sits towards the back,” Jeonghan concluded slowly, “so we wouldn’t have seen him but he would have seen us.”
You wished he’d come to that conclusion a few days earlier. “You owe me that cola and then some more, Yoon.”
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Sitting across from you at the little campus cafe, Joshua shared a glance with Seungcheol. The latter shrugged so he decided he had to be the one to take action. 
“So,” he started somewhat hesitantly, fully aware of what an angry you was capable of, “do you want to tell us what happened?”
“What do you mean?” you feigned ignorance all the while aggressively stirring your soup of the day. “Nothing interesting ever happens here.”
Thoroughly unconvinced, Seungcheol raised an eyebrow. “Sure.”
“I think something happened in class today,” Joshua elaborated slowly. It was only then that you remembered he had taken a fair share of psychology classes. “Do you want to talk about it? Was it Jeonghan again?”
As both a surprise and the expected outcome, you slammed your spoon on the table. “That jerk! Do you know what he did?”
Joshua’s almost failed attempt to swallow down a sarcastic comment could be seen by any bystander but you paid it no mind.
“Do you remember the guy from the library? You know, the one.”
“The tall guy?” Seungcheol wondered. You nodded. “I remember him.”
“Turns out he’s in our literature class!” You clapped your hands together in a fit of rage. “And now I have to spend the rest of the semester in the same room as him every Monday.”
Joshua blinked. “That doesn’t seem too bad.”
“He winked at me today. Twice. And he kept smiling at me too.”
“Oh.” Joshua tried to find a different word of comfort. He was out of words for the day. Perhaps his last psychology essay had really stolen half his personal dictionary. “That’s… rough, buddy.”
“Speaking of the devil,” Seungcheol whispered so faintly you barely heard. He glanced towards the door and surely enough, as if he’d heard your words in the wind, the man of the hour walked into the cafe. 
You almost swooned at the way his shirt rode up a little as he stretched his arms up and at the smile and friendly greeting he offered the cashier. His voice soon filled the cafe with a sense of warmth, like he belonged right there. 
“Busy day?” you heard him as the cashier as he made his way behind the counter. “Lots of customers today?”
The cashier chuckled. “Nothing more than usual. They’re your customers now though.”
You turned to Joshua and Seungcheol again, hiding your face behind your strategically placed menu. “He works here?!”
“Listen, I was not any wiser than you,” Joshua justified with wide and apologetic eyes. “Maybe he won’t recognize you.”
“I’m highly doubtful,” Seungcheol pointed out rather lazily, leaning his head against the cool glass of the window. “He’s recognized her once, what’s a few more times?”
You were deeply grateful for the silence that took over afterwards, happily ignoring the silent conversation of blinks and nudges your two friends were having. You lifted your hood up and stirred your soup a few more times before taking your first spoonful – the sooner you start, the sooner you finish, and the sooner you can leave this personal hell of yours to hide in your bedroom.
“Well, I think Cheol had a point in that,” Joshua suddenly whispered, nudging your leg under the table. For once, you had no intention to look up.
With a soft clink, a plate was placed on the table. You found a piece of the cake of the day in front of you and glanced up. The ‘boyfriend’ offered you a wide smile and nodded to your food. “Eat well. Cake’s on the house for you, sweetheart.”
Without another word, he shuffled back to the counter and resumed his task of re-organizing the cake display. 
“...Did that just happen?” Seungcheol wondered, eyeing your cake in a way that made you wary with good reason. “And can I please have a bite?”
You blinked and pushed the plate towards your friend. His smile lit up the room as he reached for a spoon and began munching away. When you glanced towards the counter again, you found your ‘boyfriend’ watching you with a sweet smile, a puzzled look in his eyes and a puppy-like curious tilt to his head. 
Promptly you made the decision to avoid this cafe at all costs.
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The mysterious boy who hadn’t existed to you just a week ago suddenly seemed to be following you around like a shadow. He was everywhere you went. It almost felt like a bad dream.
He had already chewed you out of your favourite cafe and now he seemed determined to make it so there was nowhere you could go in peace.
You’d go to class, and 6 out of 10 times he was there too, already nose-deep in his notes at the back of the classroom. There was nowhere you could sit to hide from the glint of recognition in his eyes and the charmingly bright smile he directed your way each time.
You’d go to the grocery store and voila! He was there! Picking out watermelons like he knew exactly what he was doing (you were fairly sure he didn’t because, honestly, who even knows how to pick out watermelons?).
You’d go to the park across the street from the dorms and turn back on your heel because he was, once again, there, flexing his muscles as he warmed up for a run with his fratboy friends. 
“I honestly think you’re being a little bit overdramatic,” Jeonghan told you softly as you attempted to hide behind a bookshelf at the library. You paid him no mind.
The mysterious ‘boyfriend’ was here as well. You had almost betrayed yourself and squeaked when you recognized him reading a book synopsis right next to you.
“Maybe he’s stalking me. Maybe that’s why he’s always exactly where I am,” you theorised while watching him like a hawk from your hiding spot. Jeonghan leaned his head out of the shadows to take a good look at the boy but you harshly pulled him back to hiding by his collar. 
You glared at your friend before whispering, “You’ll get us caught like this, idiot!”
He raised an unimpressed brow. “Are you sure he’s the one stalking you and not the other way around?”
“I– That’s impossible! Who do you think I am?!” You so wished to curse him out but you still had some manners left. You scoffed. “Just shut up and let me suffer in peace.”
When you turned back to watch the mysterious guy, however, your soul almost left your body. He was right there –  right in front of you, leaning against the bookshelf – smiling at you like it was the most natural thing. 
“Hi,” he spoke. You wished his voice wasn’t so enjoyably husky. 
You offered a tight-lipped smile, hand already reaching for Jeonghan’s sleeve to drag him out of the library and give him another earful for putting you in this situation. “Hi.”
It was hard to tell which was worse: the adorable smile the stranger offered you at your reply or the judgmental glare of Jeonghan which told you that your voice had betrayed you once again. You were doomed either way.
“I just realised we see each other so often but I don’t even know your name,” the stranger spoke and he seemed almost shy with the way he fiddled with the string of his black hoodie. 
Before you could open your mouth to either tell him to leave or tell him a random name you came up with on the spot, Jeonghan jumped into the conversation a bit too enthusiastically, “I’m Jeonghan! This is my best friend, (Y/n). Please take good care of her for me. I have to go help my friend get his cat out of the oven.”
And just like that you had lost another friend. You’d be sure to tell Seungcheol about this to make his disappearance official. Traitors were not welcome in your group.
“Your name’s pretty,” the stranger told you softly, still fiddling and looking down at his sneakers. If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought he actually had a crush on you. “Pretty like you are.” He cleared his throat and looked at you once again, forcing a wide smile. “I’m Kim Mingyu.”
It took every ounce of muscle control and brain power you had left not to let your jaw drop. 
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“What?!” Seungcheol screeched before glaring at Jeonghan like he’d just been caught in the act of murdering a beloved family pet. “You little– You set her up with a frat boy!”
Jeonghan saw no problem with it. “I’m pretty sure you almost became a frat boy, Cheol.”
“That’s different!” 
“And Joshua was literally in a frat until this year!”
Joshua did not appreciate his name being brought into this conversation. He rolled his eyes before offering you a look that told you that he blamed you for all of this. “You do realise I left the frat for a reason, right?”
“Yes, we know,” Jeonghan waved his protests away off-handedly, “you got caught making out with the president’s girl. Nothing to brag about.”
You could barely hold your laugh as Joshua’s jaw dropped, scandalised and exasperated. “Where did that rumour even come from?! Seriously! That is not what happened!”
“Eh, close enough.” Jeonghan shrugged. “Anyways, how was I supposed to know that guy was the Kim Mingyu? It’s not like he wears a name tag! None of you could recognize him either.”
A moment of realisation dawned on you. You let out a soft cry. “Dude, he sat with Jeon Wonwoo. Who else could he have been?”
“Wonwoo’s pretty okay though,” Joshua pointed out. “Not sure about Mingyu.”
“Didn’t Mingyu date like 30 girls just last semester? They say he’s sort of crazy about women or something. Falls in love too quickly.” Seungcheol sighed before glaring at Jeonghan. “You couldn’t have picked literally anyone else?”
“Who?” Jeonghan scoffed. “Joshua? You?”
“The fact that those are the only other options you saw is really concerning,” you mumbled while hiding your face in your hands.
Of course your luck had gotten you entangled in a situation with the university’s biggest womaniser. You were Screwed with a capital S.
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“Just avoid him,” Seungcheol had drilled into your head that evening. “Avoid him and don’t look him in the eyes. Just walk in the opposite direction if you see him. Do not let him speak to you or you’ll fall into his trap.”
You leaned against the wall in front of the locked lecture hall door, lost in your thoughts. The laptop in your hands offered a nice grounding weight to remind you to not float too far away, but it didn’t seem to be enough.
Perhaps you should’ve found it amusing that your best friends were treating this guy as some sort of a mythical creature – a siren of some sort that could charm people into a relationship with a smile and two words. But you were more annoyed than anything.
How could this guy appear everywhere you went all the while offering you wide smiles! He seemed less harmful than a golden retriever puppy when he smiled and it annoyed you to no end. Perhaps you were more of a cat person… 
“Hi!” 
You almost jumped in your spot. Your lungs filled with air and your heart rate picked up immensely; it felt like you were coming back to life with the scare. With a wary tightening of your grip you made sure you hadn’t dropped your laptop. 
Who in the hell–
“Damn it,” you cursed under your breath when you caught his eyes. By now you could recognize the chocolate-like shade of them anywhere. Remembering Seungcheol’s words, you quickly looked away and spoke no more.
Mingyu continued smiling at you – he always did – and spoke, “Did you sleep well last night? Have you had breakfast?”
A part of you felt bad for ignoring his caring questions. But feeling bad about this was better than getting scolded by Seungcheol… Mingyu could survive a one-sided conversation.
“Here,” he spoke again, his voice soon followed by plastic crinkling.
You felt the wrapper of a candy bar press against the back of your hand. It was impossible to ignore and so you opened your hand. A Snickers bar. 
Looking up at him was your next mistake. You swear your heart malfunctioned when his smile widened a little. The twinkle in his eyes showed how proud he was of himself before his words could. “I bought it for you. I saw your friend give you three of those, like, weeks ago, so I figured…” He shrugged and looked away shyly. “I figured you might like it.”
Speaking was your second mistake that day. “I do. Thank you.”
The wide smile he offered in return would be engraved into your memory for weeks to come. “So you do speak!” 
You realised your error then and there. Awkwardly clearing your throat, you looked up and down the hallway. “You thought I couldn’t?”
“Well, no,” Mingyu hummed. “It’s just that you’ve never spoken to me since that day at the library and I was getting worried.” He smiled again. “I like your voice. It suits you well.”
You nodded in acknowledgment, fingers grasping the candy bar and your laptop a bit tighter as you willed this interaction to end. Except a part of you – a stupid, dumb, hopelessly romantic part – didn’t want it to end yet. And so, you spoke again, “I didn’t realise you took this class too.”
“I had an annoying free slot in my timetable this semester, so I decided to sign up,” he told you easily, already moving to lean against the wall as well, positioning himself right next to you and just close enough for comfort. “It’s quite fun.”
“The professor’s great. Though the assignments–”
“Annoying, right?” he interjected with an annoyed groan and you couldn’t help but agree. “I mean, weekly reading diaries? 40 pages to read each week? Why?”
“The formatting is so dumb too,” you added. “It always takes me at least thirty minutes just to make sure it’s the correct format and reference style.”
Mingyu nodded enthusiastically. “I almost regret taking this class because of the stupid assignment formatting alone.” 
You weren’t prepared for how your heart skipped a small beat at his next words. 
“But seeing you here makes it a lot better.”
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You decided to not tell your friends about the interaction. It was better this way. You could keep a secret from them. Easy-peasy. 
It had already been an entire day and they had no idea. You could easily do this forever.
“You’re hiding something from us,” Seungcheol concluded just thirty seconds after you sat down across from him at the library. You gulped. “I don’t like this.”
Abandoning his magazine, Joshua raised an eyebrow, eyeing Seungcheol weirdly between curious glances at you. “How do you know?”
“I know my friends very well,” the oldest replied – his voice a pitch lower than usual to prove a point – and leaned back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, “and I know my friends would never ever lie to me or hide something from me.”
Jeonghan rolled his eyes, an arm wrapping around your anxiously shaky shoulders. “Does she look like a liar to you, Cheol? She’s not the lying type. Oh.” He offered you a worried look. “Are you cold? You’re shaking. Do want me to–”
“I knew it!” Seungcheol slammed his hands onto the table loudly enough to gain the attention of the entire student body at the library at that moment. You could not have felt more ashamed, but he seemed unbothered. 
He practically hissed at you. “What aren’t you telling us? What’s so bad that you can’t tell us about it?”
“Wait, you’re actually hiding something?” Joshua caught on, gasping. “Seriously?” He leaned forward immediately, chest pressed against wood as he practically lied on top of the desk, barely inches from your face. “What is it?”
“You can tell us, you know,” Jeonghan softly told you. It was in these rare moments that you remembered why Jeonghan was your best friend among these three. “We’re not gonna be mad.”
But oh how wrong he was.
“I–” You took a deep breath under their curious gazes. “I might have spoken to Mingyu yesterday.”
“Might have?” Joshua sighed softly and fell back into his chair in defeat. “Great. So in (Y/n) language that means you had a heart-to-heart in front of the anthropology lecture room.”
You were a little concerned that he could read you that well.
“It’s not that bad,” Jeonghan defended you, almost offended on your behalf. “Why would she–” His eyes narrowed at the candy wrapper still peeking out from your pocket. He sighed right after and almost broke his chair with how heavily he leaned back into it. “Did he give you food? You spoke to him in exchange for food?”
Seungcheol caught your eye and looked like he wanted to slam his head against the wall. “(Y/n), what did we talk about last time?”
“You told me to avoid him,” you whispered shamefully.
“Right. I did. Because men are wolves and Kim Mingyu is the worst of them all.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose, eyes crinkling shut. “You’re gonna get your heart broken so bad, my dear.”
“He honestly doesn’t seem so bad though,” you pointed out after a pause of silence. “He’s pretty nice.”
“That is–” Joshua sighed deeply before letting out a sound akin to a sob. “That is exactly the problem. He’s too nice. He’s nice to all the girls and they all fall for him and he falls for them and then the perfect daydream is crushed and they break up and he moves onto the next girl that catches his eye. You’re going to get your heart broken like this.”
Seungcheol had now leaned his face onto the desk, forehead pressed against his textbook. “I’d honestly rather you dated Wonwoo. That guy at least doesn’t have commitment issues.”
“Who has commitment issues?” a familiar husky voice spoke from the side. 
The four of you collectively jumped and stared at the source of the sound. Kim Mingyu, standing at the end of your four-seat desk with an awkward smile and a small pink bento box in hand. 
“You– What are you doing here?” Jeonghan sputtered, hand reaching for yours protectively under the desk – a subconscious attempt to ground and comfort you.
Mingyu held up the container in his hand before sliding it over to you. He gave you an affectionate pat on the head before telling you, “I made you lunch. Figured you might need it with all the studying you have planned for today. I’m cheering for you! You’ll nail this assignment!”
Without another word – but not without one last shy yet charming sweet smile on his way out after he almost tripped over the carpet – he left you be. The food container remained in front of you. 
Joshua stared at the box for a moment, mouth agape. “He brought you food?”
“How did he even know you’d be here?” Seungcheol wondered while scratching his head in thought. “Does he really stalk you?”
“No, but… I might have let it slip yesterday that I would be studying all day with you guys,” you mumbled and reached for the bento box somewhat sheepishly. 
You barely managed to reach to open it before Seungcheol slid it away from you and opened it himself. The smell of warm homemade food filled the room. 
Seungcheol glared at you when you tried to move to get your food back. He slid it further from your reach and picked up the chopsticks placed into the box. “I’m eating it. You don’t deserve to eat after what you’ve done.”
“He literally brought this for me though?” you grumbled but relented and leaned back into your seat. 
You watched enviously as Seungcheol fed a bite to Joshua and the latter moaned in delight. “Oh my god, this is amazing. Wow. Is this homemade?”
“It sure looks like it,” Seungcheol sighed and offered you another glare before sliding the box closer to you again. “You’re so lucky I love you.” 
You cheered quietly – you wouldn’t go hungry this time.
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It seemed that Mingyu’s boldness dialled up by one notch every week. 
Gone were the days when you’d go to class on Mondays, fearing (read: hoping) he’d meet your eyes and smile at you as he walked to the back of the class. 
You came to the realisation as both you and Jeonghan stared at him on this Monday morning. 
Softly gasping for air but still carrying an air of nonchalant pride that seemed to follow him everywhere, Kim Mingyu slumped into the otherwise free seat on your other side. He let out a groan and leaned his head back, closing his eyes.
“God, I hate the stairs,” he eventually sighed before straightening up again and offering you a small smile. “Hi.”
You looked at him, glanced back at where Wonwoo was seated – nose deep in his Macbook, a little too deep in the day’s readings –, and back at him. Jeonghan did the same. You shared a look. Then, you turned to Mingyu and asked, “Are you okay?”
Both he and Jeonghan seemed baffled by your question. But whereas Jeonghan’s confusion could be described as “that is not what we discussed, girl??”, Mingyu's seemed to be more joyous.
His smile brightened just a bit. “Yeah,” he breathed out, “I’m just scared of elevators.”
Not what you had asked for, but you decided you’d take it.
“You climbed up the stairs?” Jeonghan wondered, eyes widening by the second. “Five floors?”
“The elevator is terrifying, okay?” Mingyu whined and rested his head on your shoulder. 
You barely noticed the gesture, instinctually leaning your head to rest on his. It was only Jeonghan’s disbelieving glare that seemed to snap you out of whatever Mingyu-induced daze you were in.
You startled back upright, surprising Mingyu who straightened up as well, head whipping around to find whatever had scared you so. When he found nothing even remotely threatening, he blinked in surprise. “What was that?”
Under Jeonghan’s amused stare, you cleared your throat and feigned nonchalance. “What was what?”
“That– You– I– You–” Mingyu stuttered almost frantically, unable to find the words. You decided he was rather cute after all. 
No, dumbass. You had made a promise to Seungcheol – no boyfriends, especially ones named Kim Mingyu. You shook your head to remind yourself of that when you almost drowned into the browns of his confused eyes. 
“I think the lack of oxygen is getting to you,” Jeonghan decided to save you this time. He leaned his head on his hand propped up on the desk. When you and your “boyfriend” looked at him weird, he shrugged. “He climbed up five floors. His poor brain’s probably on the verge of dying.”
While you thought it was ridiculous, the half-assed explanation seemed to fit Mingyu’s logic just fine.
“Well, there does tend to be less oxygen up high,” Mingyu agreed, eyes narrowing in thought and head nodding along. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”
It didn’t make sense but you weren’t in any mood to explain the modern wonder of air conditioning and ventilation to this poor guy yet. Maybe on your fifth date. 
Wait–
Before you could gather your thoughts, the professor cleared her throat and began the lecture. All eyes were on her – for the first two minutes anyway. 
But you were still perplexed. Had you just really considered – even in a roundabout way – actually dating Kim Mingyu? You glanced to your left; he sat right there, pretty brown eyes fully focused on the lecturer, his fingers tapping away at the keyboard… The warm lights of the lecture hall seemed to make him glow. 
Ethereal. Breathtaking. His jawline must’ve been sculpted by the gods themselves.
No wonder all the girls fell for him.
As you were about to shake that thought from your head, you felt Jeonghan lean closer to you. Your heart stopped as you felt his breath on your ear. He whispered, “Don’t let Seungcheol find out about your crush.”
Gritting your teeth, you considered your options: 
a) You could pretend you didn’t hear him – he’d never let you live it down though.
b) You could just shrug it off and act like he was dumb for even suggesting you’d have a crush on a heartbreaker like Kim Mingyu – but he knew you better than that and you’d be caught in a lie.
c) “He won’t find out if you don’t tell him,” you whispered back, glaring at him over your back. 
Jeonghan’s lips curved into an amused smirk, his brow quirking up. “Yeah? And how do you know I won’t tell him your little secret?”
“Because if you do, I’ll tell him it was you who’s been sneaking expensive drinks on our pub bills.”He paled immediately – option c: success.
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As you walked to class on Thursday, you decided to stop acting like you disliked Mingyu. 
Coming to terms with your crush had taken a few mental breakdowns and a few too many crying-emoji-filled messages to Jeonghan over the last two days. It was a small price to pay.
For the first time since that fateful day at the library, you approached him first. You headed straight towards the lecture room, beelined straight for him – leaned against the wall, reading something off his phone –, and offered him a friendly smile. “Hi.”
He looked up immediately – with such force that you worried his neck would snap – and mirrored your smile. You had to hold back from swooning; god, he really did look like a golden retriever puppy. 
“Hi,” he replied and locked his phone, hiding it in his back pocket and reaching for your hand on instinct. Unfortunately, you hadn’t come to terms with your crush that much yet, and so you hid your hands behind your back. He seemed to take the hint just fine.
His smile never disappeared as he watched you, seeming to almost adore you just for standing in front of him. “Something feels different today,” he finally mentioned. “I like it.”
“Yeah?” You laughed.
“Yeah,” he nodded decisively, and you felt proud for doing something to brighten his day, only for your heart to skip a beat at his next words, “you should smile more often.”
“I– What?”
His grin widened. “You almost never smile at me. But you’re smiling today. I like that.”
If you hadn’t decided to just accept your new-found crush earlier, you sure would have now. 
His ears burned red – as you felt yours must have been – and he cleared his throat while bashfully looking at the ground. He bounced in his spot for a moment before asking, “Did you eat yet?”
“Had a granola bar on the way here,” you confessed shamefully after a moment of thought. “In my defence, I almost missed my bus.”
“Same here,” he laughed, glancing up again. He hesitated only for a moment before suggesting, “Do you want to come to the cafe with me after the class?” When you didn’t immediately answer – too busy trying to figure out if this was real or you had developed a very bad case of hallucinations – he softly added, "I could get you cheesecake for free.”
And just like that you were ready to marry this man. Seungcheol, Joshua and Jeonghan could eat dirt – they were probably just jealous that you were getting someone’s attention and they were sad unlovable loners. Yeah, that was definitely it. No other reason why they’d try to prevent you from falling in love with this wonderful guy who was promising you free cheesecake.
“I’d love that,” you replied with a bright smile. 
Exactly two hours later, you found yourself in a booth at the café you had previously sworn to boycott, sitting across from the very reason you had declared your boycott to begin with. Life is strange, you concluded, but found yourself unable to look away from him.
“Cheesecake for the lady,” Mingyu smiled proudly as he presented the plate to you. Seeing your thankful and excited smile, he winked, “I made sure to get you the biggest slice they had.”
You could’ve kissed him on the mouth for that comment alone.
“So,” he began as the two of you settled further into your seats, getting more comfortable, “what’s your major?”
You didn’t hesitate to answer his question before shooting back, “And you?”
“Graphic design,” he told you with a shrug. “It was either that or business.”
“Nice,” you nodded along though you were unable to find any further words. You silently cursed yourself for being so damn awkward with strangers. Did Mingyu even count as a stranger? Was he your friend? An acquaintance? Your boyfriend?
He seemed to sense your internal turmoil, reaching a hand over the table to hold yours. “Are you always this awkward with people?”
“Only at the beginning,” you confessed and felt his fingers tighten around yours in a comforting manner. “I promise I’m not usually this boring.”
“I mean,” he chuckled, “you seemed rather bold at the library that day. I thought that confidence carried over into other situations.”
“Only occasionally.”
But he didn’t seem to mind. “That’s okay. I like a challenge anyway.”
It was your turn to laugh. “Yeah? Then how come you’re not a challenge yourself?”
“What do you mean?” His ears burned a shameful red again. 
“Any normal guy would’ve acted like nothing happened,” you told him. “But you started getting me snacks and making small talk in front of the lecture hall.”
The red of his ears got darker by the second. But he cleared his throat and shrugged almost bashfully. “Can you blame me? It’s not every day a pretty girl tells me to be her boyfriend.”
Your breath hitched. “You think I’m pretty?”
“The prettiest,” he confessed with a shy smile and your heart was completely spoken for.
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You had one single duty to your friends: to always tell the truth. As much as it pained you, you had to tell them about Mingyu. 
Because, for one, Seungcheol wouldn’t stop asking about him. 
And, for two, because you had learnt there was no use lying to them because they each seemed to have a built-in lie detector. 
But coming to terms with your inability to lie to your three friends came with horrible consequences.
And by consequences, you meant Seungcheol and Joshua grilling you about your relationship with Mingyu as if you had committed a crime most vile, complete with Jeonghan viewing the interrogation from the sofa with a bowl of popcorn.
“It wasn’t a date,” you tried to defend yourself. “We just went to the café after the lecture.”
“Yeah, the café,” Joshua emphasised as you stared at him dumbly, “the place where couples go on first dates.”
“It wasn’t a date,” you repeated yourself with a sigh. “It was just coffee and a slice of cake.”
Seungcheol paced around on the rug, already wearing holes into his dark socks. He ran a hand through his hair before pointing at Jeonghan. “You; you’re planning a first date with your crush. Where do you take them?”
Your head immediately snapped to glare at Jeonghan, daring him to say as much as a word – you knew exactly where this was going. He responded with a mischievous smile and you turned to scream into a cushion before he could even open his mouth.
Fortunately, Jeonghan was a nice friend and patiently waited for your screaming to stop before answering in a clear voice, “To the campus café to get coffee and a slice of their favourite cake.”
You threw the cushion right at his head. He only laughed.
Seungcheol, as if unaware of Jeonghan’s very clear plot against you, gestured widely before glaring at you. “Do you see my point?”
“It was not a date–”  you began again, perhaps hoping that repeating the sentence enough times would make the guys magically believe you and forget the argument. But your speech was interrupted by the unmistakable ringtone off your phone. 
You checked your pockets but it wasn’t there. Instead, to your horror, you found that Joshua had it right there, in the palm of his hand. He eyed it suspiciously before looking up to smirk at you. “Loverboy doesn’t seem to think so though.”
Your heart sank and soared at the same time. 
Mingyu said it was a date? Fuck. Now you had lost your only argument. 
On the other hand… Mingyu thought it was a date? Aw.
That latter thought seemed to betray you to Seungcheol. His glare hardened. “(Y/n)!”
“Okay, so it was a date!” you burst before sighing and curling into yourself on the armchair. “Is it a crime to date? Is it that bad that I like someone?”
Your question was met with a softening gaze. Whether it was your words or something else about your behaviour, the three seemed to suddenly become guilty and remorseful. 
“No, it’s– You– I–” Seungcheol stuttered to find the words. His posture had suddenly sunk from big and intimidating to tiny and slumped. He exchanged worried glances with your other two friends before letting out a soft whine and stumbling over the carpet to hug you to his chest. “It’s not bad that you like someone. Of course you can date whoever you want.”
“Just not Mingyu?” you scoffed but made no move to leave his embrace. His stubborn personality and overprotective nature be damned, but he gave the best and warmest hugs you had ever experienced. You doubted anyone could give better hugs. 
He sighed. “I– Don’t make me feel bad about this. God, I can’t do this–”
“We just don't want you to get hurt,” Joshua took over, reaching over to pat your head. “Mingyu kind of has a reputation.”
“I don't think he does it on purpose though,” you mumbled.
“I don’t either,” Joshua hummed, “but the fact is that he leaves a trail of broken hearts wherever he goes. He falls fast and hard but he loses interest just as quick. We don’t want you to be one of the broken girls he leaves behind.”
“Bet I can fix him,” you stubbornly joked and chuckled but you weren't fully convinced it was a joke anymore.
Joshua laughed. “I’m sure you can.”
“Can’t you guys just be a little more supportive?” you sighed, finally leaning out of Seungcheol’s embrace. “If he breaks my heart, so be it.”
“You don’t deserve your heart broken by a fratboy with commitment issues,” Joshua told you gently. “That’s the whole thing.”
You heard a scoff from over on the sofa. “She’s not in love with you, Shua.”
Joshua’s and Seungcheol’s heads snapped up immediately, one glaring at Jeonghan and the other at you.
“Me?!” 
“LOVE?! YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HIM???”
You vowed that if you went to jail this year, it would be for the death of Yoon Jeonghan. You hoped your glare over Seungcheol’s shoulder was enough to convey your intentions.
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“Fine, you can go on a second date with Mingyu,” Seungcheol had told you, much like a father lecturing his rebellious teenage daughter, “but only if we come along.”
And so, you went on your second date to the fair with Kim Mingyu, accompanied by one menacing bodyguard and your two mostly normal friends. And what a date it was.
Holding onto him tight as he all but cried into your shoulder, you wondered how this poor coward had even gotten this far in life. 
“It’s okay,” you told him, patting his head as you exited the haunted maze attraction. “See, we’re out already! You’re fine.”
The date had been so nice so far. He had paid for the tickets (all of them, which seemed to get him in Jeonghan’s good graces) and bought you a themed headband to wear. He had won you a bear plushie from a no-doubt rigged stand, only smiling proudly as the attendant glared and handed him the prize. The butterflies in your chest couldn’t have been more fluttery and excited than they had been this entire evening. The perfect date, 10/10, you understood why so many girls fell for the Kim Mingyu.
But then you had discovered your boyfriend’s fatal flaw: despite his imposing size and the visible definition of his muscles, he was an absolute coward. 
Though he had put on a confident act while waiting in the queue, it took him no less than two minutes to start screaming in fear and using you as a shield from the scare actors.
As you tried your hardest to comfort him, wiping the tears of fear from his cheeks and rubbing gentle circles into his back, Jeonghan was cackling behind you like a maniac, finding great joy in your boyfriend’s distress. “Are you scared of clowns, Kim Mingyu? Clowns?” 
“I’m scared of a lot of things, but clowns aren‘t one of them!” Mingyu bravely shouted at him, eyes blood-shot and throat sore from all the screaming and squealing he had done these past fifteen minutes, before his words dawned on him. “I meant–”
With a judgemental nose scrunch, Joshua nudged your side and scoffed out a short laugh before whispering, “You sure know how to pick them, huh?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” you growled at him but paid him no more attention as Mingyu grabbed onto your arm with yet another screech of fear.
“Dude,” Seungcheol sighed deeply, defeated and tired of your fair adventure, “that was just a pigeon.”
“Birds are scary,” Mingyu retorted immediately.
“Not pigeons,” Jeonghan told him with an equally exhausted sigh. “They’re about as harmful as you are. No one ever, in the history of this planet got physically attacked by a pigeon.”
“Well, actually–” Joshua began but was promptly cut off by your elbow between his ribs.
“Do you want to go somewhere else?” you asked Mingyu, squeezing his hand for comfort. “Maybe we could go eat? Or just walk around?”
He hesitated. “I was actually hoping we could– Nevermind. That’s stupid.”
“No, it’s not. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s fun. What were you thinking?”
“... The ferris wheel?” He side-eyed your friends for the briefest moment before adding in a whisper, “Just the two of us?”
Without a moment to think about it (because god knows you’d be caught by Seungcheol), you tugged on his hand and began running towards the queue for the ferris wheel, glancing behind you to make sure they hadn’t followed you.
“What was that?” Mingyu giggled as you came to a stop. 
“You said you wanted to come, just the two of us,” you told him with a shrug and an award-winning smile. “Keep a low profile and they won’t find us.”
“Why are they here with us anyway?” he wondered before quickly correcting himself, “Not that I think they’re bad or annoying or something– It’s just that–”
You laughed and glanced through the growing crowd at where your trio of friends were looking around nearly frantically, like a pack of guard dogs trying to figure out where the sound had come from. “They’re overprotective and think you’re bad news.”
“Me?” Lips pursing into a small pout, he seemed a little dejected at the thought. “Do you?”
“Do I what?”
“Do you think I’m bad news? That I’m not good for you?”
The sadness in his beautiful brown eyes made you weak inside. You were ready to spill every truth and lie and everything in between just to make him happy again. But before you could, the staff member in charge of the wheel greeted you with a tired smile and asked for your tickets and, before you knew it, you were seated in the gondola.
You had read enough romance novels to know where this would lead.
Or so you thought, until the wheel was three metres off the ground and Mingyu was the palest you had ever seen him, eyes wide with fear as he looked at anything but the windows. 
“You good?” you asked him carefully, reaching your hand across the gondola to squeeze his knee. He didn’t answer. And then it dawned on you – the very same realization from just twenty minutes ago – your boyfriend was the dictionary definition of a coward. “... Don’t tell me you’re afraid of heights.”
Shaking a little from the fear travelling through his veins, he took a sharp breath. “I won’t.”
“But are you?”
“Yes. Deathly.”
You wanted to laugh at the irony. “You were the one that suggested we come on the ferris wheel!”
“I didn’t think it would be this bad if you’re with me!” he practically whined, eyes squeezed shut, his hand searching for yours for comfort. “I just wanted this date to be romantic for you. What good date doesn’t end with a ferris wheel ride?!”
Why was your stupid cowardly boyfriend making your heart flutter again like this? Just a few simple words that he probably hadn’t even thought through and you were melting all over again.
“Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?” you offered. 
He shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not. All you’ve done today is comfort me and tell me it’s fine but, really, you must think I’m a coward and an idiot.”
Well, he wasn’t completely wrong. But it’s not like you were ever going to tell him.
“Actually, can you just tell me when we’re going down again?” he added soon after, voice cracking. He paused. “Or, well, actually don’t do that because you must already think I’m pathetic and I don’t want to ruin this for you and–”
You weren’t sure why or how, but you found yourself pressing your lips to his. His rambling cut off with a noise of surprise and before long, he leaned closer to you, still squeezing your hand with his, and nearly melted into the kiss.
When you pulled away, nose still brushing against his, he let out a shaky breath that sounded just a little bit like a laugh. “What was that for?”
“I– You–” you stuttered, unable to believe your own actions. You leaned further away from him, clearing your throat as the gondola came to a stop at the bottom of the wheel, the staff fumbling with the door to let you out. “We’re back on the ground.”
“We are?” he breathed out and finally opened his (admittedly hazy) eyes. “Oh. I guess we are.”
As you stepped out of the gondola and began on your way back towards the front gate, he linked your arms, playing with your fingers. “That wasn’t so bad.”
“You were almost crying,” you told him with a good-hearted laugh and a nudge. “Please do us both a favour and never take your date to a haunted maze or to the ferris wheel ever again.”
“Yeah, that’s probably for the best,” he laughed, sheepish.
“There you two are!” Jeonghan’s voice sounded from behind you. You turned to offer him a smile. He replied with a sarcastic one of his own before yelling as loud as he could (which, admittedly, was not very loud at all), “Cheol! Shua! I found the fools in love!”
As your trio of friends slowly gathered, you were still focused on Mingyu. The fairy lights had no right to make him look so beautiful. You were certain you would dream of him tonight. 
“The haunted maze aside,” you started, voice low as to not let your friends hear, “I enjoyed this date.”
He grinned brightly. “Me too. But I suppose everything’s just better with you.”
“Same time next week?” you half-joked. “I’ll do the planning this time though.”
“Only if you promise there won’t be any more haunted mazes,” he mumbled to cover up the fact that you had him wrapped around your fingers, wound so tight he could never think of letting go.
“It’s a date,” you laughed and kissed his cheek just as Seungcheol walked over to drag you away by your arm. “Hey!”
“It’s past your curfew,” he deadpanned while Jeonghan and Joshua snickered behind you. 
You scoffed. “I’m an adult?!”
“You snuck away with your boyfriend!” he accused, looking almost actually offended by your actions. “What adult does that? And with a frat boy of all things?”
“I think they’re cute,” Joshua argued with a kind smile, having always been the most hopeless romantic of the bunch. “He’s like a golden retriever in love.”
“Golden retriever?" Seungcheol scoffed. “He towers over all of us. He’s a great dane if anything.”
As if to prove your friends’ point, the sound of rapid footsteps echoed from the pavement. 
Always the most brave of the three, Jeonghan turned his head to take a look. He let out a disbelieving laugh. “(Y/n), your puppy’s coming with us.”
“My what?” you wondered, brows furrowing as you turned to see whatever it was he had noticed. Your heart fluttered at the sight of Mingyu running up to you with a bashful smile. 
“I–” he gasped out, struggling to breathe. 
Your friends and you were equally breathless, mostly from shock.
He took one more deep breath – all the while glaring at the starry sky as if to curse the gods for giving him such a poor lung capacity – and then turned to smile at you again, “What kind of a date would I be if I didn’t walk you to your front door?”
“One without a death wish,” you swore you heard Seungcheol mumble under his breath. But you weren’t too worried about him (he couldn’t hurt a fly even if he wanted to), especially when you had a whole Kim Mingyu running to you.
“You don’t have to–” you started.
But he shook his head and smiled a little prouder before offering his arm. “Here, I’ll keep you safe.”
“What are we? Just random street rats?” Jeonghan wondered while looking awfully amused. “You think one of you can protect her better than three of us?”
While Mingyu looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole, red ears and all, you came to his defence with a discerning stare directed at your three friends. You shrugged. “I certainly feel safer with him.”
With a pained groan and a hand to his chest as if to will his heart to stop hurting, Jeonghan grabbed Seungcheol by the arm. “C’mon, great dane, he’s clearly got it covered.”
Seungcheol blinked at him, baffled. “You’re not seriously thinking of– Jeonghan! We can’t just leave them!”
You gave your best friend a begging look. As much as you could never admit it to Seungcheol, you longed for more time with Mingyu. And if it was just the two of you? You were giddy at just the prospect of it.
“I’ll pay for your pizza,” Jeonghan offered begrudgingly, sending you one last warning glare before practically dragging Seungcheol away. Joshua – much to your joy – was happier to leave you with your new boyfriend, only giving you one last hug and a wave goodbye before following the others and joining in their banter.
You looked up to find Mingyu staring after them in utter surprise. “They actually left us alone? Willingly?”
“I guess so,” you feigned coyness. “So, you’re walking me home then?”
“Most happily,” he agreed before shrugging off his jacket and – to the detriment of your poor fluttering heart – draped it over your shoulders. “There, now you’ll be warm.”
“You didn’t have to–”
“I wanted to,” he interrupted with a sweet smile before offering you his arm again.
You swallowed the butterflies threatening to break out and linked your arm with his with a shy smile. And so, side by side, you walked to your home. The conversation was almost nonexistent as you simply enjoyed each other’s presence in the silence of the night. 
“Can I ask something?” Mingyu suddenly broke the blissful quiet air.
You hummed in agreement.
He took a deep calming breath before blurting, “Why me?”
“... What?”
“Why me?” he repeated himself a little more certainly. “Why would you choose me as your boyfriend? 
There was another moment of silence. How could one tell someone as loving and sweet as Mingyu that you were dating him only because of a stupid joke? A small bet that was never meant to go further than a sentence of a prank and five minutes of confusion? You feared you’d shatter his heart.
But still you had to come clean eventually. 
It was funny really, you thought, that a week or two ago, you wouldn’t have hesitated to answer at all. You would’ve laughed it off and told him it was just a silly joke and to not take it so seriously. You would’ve texted the group chat telling Jeonghan he owed you another Snickers bar for the humiliation of having to explain yourself to a fratboy.
And today your heart hurt at the idea of breaking his.
Mirroring his earlier preparations, you took a deep breath to ease your nerves and calm your heart before answering, “It was Jeonghan who picked you.”
“For you to date?” Mingyu wondered, brows furrowing in confusion. “That’s a little odd, I suppose, but–”
“No, it was– It was a bet. At first.” You didn’t dare to look at him as you spoke. (And if you had, you would’ve seen his facade of confidence crack just a little.) “We were just at the library and Jeonghan bet me a coke and a Snickers bar to tell you… what I told you that day. I wasn’t– You– We weren’t ever supposed to meet again. Well, maybe as a passing glance in the hallway or something, but not like this. It wasn’t meant to be serious.”
“Oh.” You didn’t need to look at him to know how dejected he must have felt.
“But!” you rushed to mend his heart, “But then I got to know you and you made me lunch and you smiled at me all pretty and you spoke to me even when I was being weird and mean– Look,” you stopped mid-step and grabbed his wrist to stop him as well, forcing him to face you before you spoke with as much conviction as you could muster up, “this whole thing might have started because Jeonghan offered me candy, but I swear on everything that I hold dear that… that I really like you. I’ve come to really like you so much, Mingyu. 
“I can’t imagine a day without you anymore. When you miss our lectures, I spend all day worrying something happened to you. When you don’t smile, I want to go and kick whoever made you sad or mad. I just really love you a lot – even if it wasn’t so at first. Okay?”
“Okay,” he whispered, nodding slowly, his eyes glimmering a little. “I mean… I always guessed you didn’t say those things because you actually felt something for me and–” He paused, eyes clearing, brows furrowing, ears tinting red. “Did you just say you love me?”
“I– You– What? No,” you laughed and felt nervous all of a sudden. 
You couldn’t have!? 
… Could you?
His dejected puppy-eyes became cheerful half-moons as he grinned widely. “You did! You love me!”
You weren’t sure you had enough proof to argue, so you kept quiet and prayed he wouldn’t see right through you. You hadn’t meant to let those words slip so early. You hadn’t meant to even feel this way. But you couldn’t lie and argue.
“Hey, if it makes you feel better,” Mingyu leaned closer to speak softly, “I’ve been thinking about how I love you too.” He let out a sheepish laugh. “Really, I was worried I’d be too forward and scare you away if I told you that already. I mean, it’s only our – what? – second date?”
“You really do fall hard and fast, huh?” you wondered out loud. 
He scoffed. “Who told you that?”
“My friends.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ll have you know that you’re the first I’ve felt this way about.
“Yeah?” You pursed your lips in thought. “If that’s true, then you should kiss me right now.”
Mingyu chuckled and shook his head. “I fear that might be a little too forward.”
“Really?” You quirked a brow. “And a  love confession on the second date isn’t?”
“You’re the one who started it! Besides,” he linked your arms and led you to keep walking towards your home, “I’m a little scared of your friends and I’m pretty sure the one with big muscles will kick my ass if I don’t take you on at least two more dates before I kiss you.”
You weren’t entirely sure he was joking.
“Fine,” you sighed, defeated in the game of love. “But those two dates better be great. I’m speaking five-star restaurant, dinner and a concert by the seaside, watching The Titanic in the moonlight kind of romantic.”
“I’ve got it, don’t worry, baby,” he assured you and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek.
Baby. You had to physically hold back from smiling and blushing all giddy. 
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binniesbooks · 17 days
Note
heyyy! absolutely loved your 100 followers special fic like it was so insanely good!!!
please can i request a bsf!beomgyu fic where he discovers through porn that women can squirt and during your next hangout he asks you about it and when you tell him you can he gets all excited and asks you to show him. this then ends in him fucking you till you squirt on his dick multiple times. can you make both beomgyu and the reader a switch if you don’t mind and only if you’re comfortable tho :) the beomgyu brain rot is getting to me 😭
• IS IT TRUE?
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BG 001 .F23 2024
wc 3.6k
pairings bestfriend!Beomgyu x fem!reader
warnings switch reader x switch Gyu, mutual pining, porn watching, caught self relieving, oral sex (m. receiving), slight flood play, kissing, marking, unprotected sex, pull out method, squirting, mentions of hair pulling and scratching if you squint (+ anything I've missed)
faye's note I tried my best to make a great plot, I really did! I hope it worked. To the anon who requested this one, I'm sorry it took me so long, I was procrastinating, LMAO. SORRY 😭
"Beomgyu-" The nasty moans and lewd sounds coming from the computer were abruptly stopped when Beomgyu slammed his laptop shut. 
"What the fuck were you watching?" Yeonjun's brows creased as he stared at the younger awkwardly sitting on the bed, a pillow on his lap and a blanket covering his lower half.
"W-what?" Beomgyu stammered. 
Yeonjun's grin grew wider as his eyes scanned the room. A laptop that was forced shut, a box of tissues, a sweaty body in this air-conditioned room—what else was a guy to do, if not pleasure himself when alone?
"Damn, it looks like I've caught you at a bad time!" Yeonjun exclaimed, a faint chuckle rumbling within his chest. His teasing voice and giggles made Beomgyu blush.
"Okay, okay, I'll just talk to you later, take care of yourself first," Yeonjun said, throwing a knowing look and a teasing smile.
"H-hyung, hyung wait!" Beomgyu tried to stop Yeonjun, but the door was already shut. Besides, he can't just get up naked, can he?
He throws his head back against the pillow, groaning in embarrassment as he runs his palm against his face, muttering a frustrated "fuck" under his breath.
"So..." you started. "Why are you here again?"
"Can't a friend visit you? God, you're not as welcoming as before," Beomgyu barked, rolling his eyes as he threw the plastic bag full of snacks on the table and plopped down on your couch. And when he removes the hood of his jacket, he reveals the mess that was his hair underneath.
"I mean, you can, yeah. But... Do you know what time it is?" you replied, pulling your jacket against your body.
"3 o'clock," he answered.
"3 o'clock in what?"
"3 o'clock in the morning! But whatever!" he grunts, throwing a temper tantrum on the couch.
"Why are you here then?" you asked, sitting beside him.
"Just wanna see you. It's been a while," he muttered under his breath.
"You know you can't just drop by anytime, right?"
"I know, I know. I've just had trouble sleeping at night these past few days again," he sighed, leaning his head back on the couch.
"Am I your sleeping pill or something?" your brows raised and your voice teasing.
"What if I say that you're my medicine?" Beomgyu looked you straight in the eye. And there you are, embraced by his warm gaze, trapped inside the pretty door to his soul.
You leaned closer to him, planting a soft kiss on his cheek, running your fingers through his hair.
"Stay the night—or whatever you call the time now, I hope you have a good rest even if it's just for today." 
Beomgyu has been your friend since you were in your teenage years—typical. He shuts other girls off, as he only gives his attention to you. He doesn't want to be involved in any relationship of sort—that includes you, though. He may be your best friend, your best partner, but neither of you two admitted anything. Just two young hearts showing care and love towards each other. 
Some say you should date each other, which the two of you would only answer with a sheepish smile. Sometimes, he would drop by at your place, hang out with you, and enjoy the rest of his free time. You've been to his place a few times, but you insisted on him going to your place instead, since he's living with his friends. 
Often times, you'll share a kiss or two with him—anything but a kiss on the lips. He loves it when you sit on his lap while he plays at your computer, giving your shoulder a few bites and planting soft kisses. He loves cuddling you to sleep, draping his arm over your waist, pulling you closer to his chest, his warm breath fanning across your nape. 
Beomgyu could walk around your house half naked without you giving a fuck. He does anything as if it were his own home, and you don't mind at all. You're used to it, nothing new. 
Everything about this is pretty normal between the two of you. The kisses, the skinship, the hugs, the cuddles—anything that a 'just friends' friend won't normally do. Well, in your case, it was. 
"Can you come closer? I need to feel your warmth," Beomgyu pleaded, unzipping his jacket.
"Gyu, how much closer do you need me to be? Should I just sew my skin onto yours?" you chuckled as you shifted on the bed, scooting closer to him.
"I missed you. I missed holding you in my arms." he mumbles as he hugs you tight. 
"You're such a baby, Gyu. Do you know that?" you complained, burying your face in his chest, hugging him closer.
A few minutes had passed, yet Beomgyu was still awake. Busying himself with combing his fingers through your hair as he watches you peacefully sleep. 
His fingers traced the outline of your face. "I love you. I hope you know that," he whispered, planting a kiss to the top of your head before he shuts his eyes.
You woke up with heavy limbs draped upon your body. Beomgyu may have mistaken you for a pillow.
"Gyu... Gyu, you're so heavy, move over." Your voice cracked as you gasped for air.
"Gyu, what the hell, scoot over," you grunt again, trying to push him, but his body is far too big for you to push on your own.
"Choi Beomgyu!" You shouted.
Beomgyu squirmed. And instead of getting himself off of you, he pulled you even closer.
"What's your deal?" You frowned, trying to push him away.
Beomgyu grunts as he hides in your neck, rolling over, causing the two of you to crash down onto the floor. 
But instead of getting angry at him, your frown turned into a fit of laughter as you saw him wince and massage the back of his head and his buttocks.
"Did you have a good sleep?" you asked, stirring a cup of coffee.
"Mhm, I did, thank you. I'll get going now, the boys might already be looking for me," Beomgyu said as he pulled you in for a hug.
"You're not gonna eat breakfast here?"
His tall figure towers over you as he pinches your cheeks, "I'll do it next time. Let's have breakfast together next time, okay? Eat the snacks I brought earlier and take care of yourself." You watched him step out, closing the door behind him. 
It hadn't even been a whole 24 hours when he came back to your place.
"I wanna watch a movie; the guys are boring to be with!" he frowns, feigning frustration--- He actually never asked them to do so. Just a reason for him to drop by your place again.
"Bring the ice cream from the freezer, then," you said as you prepared the couch, bringing some soft pillows and a fuzzy blanket. 
You actually have no idea what the movie was all about. You even missed the title because you went to the restroom last minute. The only thing you know is that it's a 18+ rated movie. Well, it's not your first time watching something like this with Beomgyu, you've watched multiple movies that aren't child friendly. 
Plus, the fact that the two of you could even talk about anything sexual as if you're just talking about food and any other light topics makes this normal. Although sexually wise, neither one of you has experience. Considering that you both shut people away as if your world only revolves around each other.
And although this isn't the first time you're watching something like this with Beomgyu, it is the first time you saw him shove a pillow over his lap. It is the first time he's trying his best to avoid any skin contact with you. 
"Is everything okay? You're so distant," you commented, licking a spoonful of ice cream.
"Actually... There's.. there's something I want to ask," he started, turning his body to face you.
"That is?"
"That.. I.. Uhm, I just watched this from... You know..."
"Porn?" you bluntly answered.
"Y-yeah. And uh, is it true?"
"What's true? Geez, say it straight, Gyu," you rolled your eyes as you dug another spoonful of ice cream.
"Let me finish my sentence!" he pouts, making you chuckle. Beomgyu wasn't normally nervous around you, this is the first time.
"Is is true.. that.. girls can.. uhm.. the liquid... Like.." he continued stammering.
You looked at him straight in the eye and said, "That girls squirt?" Beomgyu nodded frantically as he tried to avert his gaze.
"It's more common than you think, Gyu," you answered as you returned your gaze to the movie. However, you're shocked about what's already happening on the TV. It was a fucking sex scene! Obscene sounds are coming from the speakers resonating in your living room. You gulped and shifted nervously.
"S-so you mean, you can do it?" Beomgyu dug his fingers into the pillow, his face painted with embarrassment and anticipation at the same time.
"Well..."
"Can you show it to me?" he said, cutting you off.
"W-what?" You looked at him in surprise. Why would a friend ask something like that?
"I.. I mean. I mean... Like..." he tried finding an appropriate approach.
"Are you initiating something, Choi Beomgyu?" You turned your whole body towards him. He bit his lower lip, his adams apple bobbed up and down as he gulped, swallowing the same embarrassment and sexual frustration.
"If... If you want to... I... I wanna see it.. I wanna see you," he whispered, his lips already red and swollen from how hard he was biting them. 
You weighed the pros and cons in your mind first. But, yeah, who cares? You're attracted to him anyway! It's a win-win situation, right?
"I swear, if you tell a single soul about this," you warned before straddling him, grabbing his shirt, and crashing your lips on his.
He forcefully pulled the pillow from his lap away, causing you to stumble a little, desperate to feel you even in the tiniest bit. His hands landed on your waist, trying to push you down on his lap.
You pulled away, "Stop. Hands off."
He stared at you with big puppy eyes and a pout, "Y/n," he whines. 
"Keep your hands off me if you want to know if it's true." Beomgyu placed his hand on his side. Trying his best not to touch you, gripping the fuzzy blanket instead, veins popping on his neck as he threw his head back. What a good day to wear sweats, he could fully feel you, and you could fully feel him hardening each second. 
Beomgyu used to order you around. He's a bit bitchy and bossy. Yet he's being pliant today. So you were enjoying this, watching him crumble under you, doing anything you were saying.
You moved your hips again, making him emit a desperate moan. Calling your name like the sex-deprived man he is, "P-please... Please it hurts..." he whines again, tears threatening to spill, nails almost tearing your blanket apart. Yet you grind again, teasing him some more. "If you cum too early, you'll end up not knowing whether it's true," you taunt. So he bucks his hips up, along with loud moans and whimpers, drowning the long forgotten movie in the background, too desperate and stimulated.
"M-more..." he whispered under his breath, almost unheard if you didn't pay attention, not wanting to get ahead of himself. 
You stopped your movement, making him groan and gasp. But blush crept up his pretty face when you moved down between his legs, spreading them open, kissing the tent on his sweats. He drapes his arm on his face as he throws his head back. He didn't know this would happen. He only asked if you could show him how you squirt, but he didn't expect for you to give him more.
"Y/n," he muttered, his hand muffling his mouth, "I-if you don't f-feel like it, you d-don't have to do this...."
"You don't want this, Gyu?" He looked down at you, only to throw his head back again when he saw you pouting with big round eyes. 
"Fuck..." He sighed, "Can I at least hold your head?"
And you let him. You let him tangle his fingers on your hair, but he's not allowed to push you down. You let him grip on your hair, but he's not allowed to pull you back.
As you pulled his sweats down, he tried his best to look at you. But he would end up closing his eyes because he can't look at you straight in the eye. 
"I won't give you a head if you don't look at me," you giggled, making him whine for the nth time.
And so he tried his best to maintain eye contact. Even when he's struggling to keep his eyes open because it feels too good. Even when he could only gasp because you're doing your best to take him whole in your mouth. He heard you gag over and over, yet he can only tangle his fingers in your hair gripping it. He wants to push you down, to fuck your pretty little mouth, to cum already, but he's waiting for your signal. He wants to be a good boy for you. He wants to be good. He wants you to praise him. He wants you to shower him with kisses later on because he was obliging to your commands.
And an idea came to your mind. You scooped out some of the melted ice cream and let it drip on his fully erect and wet cock. Beomgyu whimpers at the cold sensation.
"T-that's... Ahhh..." His voice was too shaky as he tried to form a sentence. Which he wasn't very successful in doing.
You carefully licked the melted ice cream, pushing your tongue on his slit.
"Y/n, c-can I cum? It.. ahh.. it hurts s-so much, p-please," he pleaded, drool rolling down from the corner of his lips, crying.
"Since you're too pretty, sure," you smiled sweetly, full of innocence. He lets go of your hair, placing them down on the couch, clutching on the blanket again. With one thrust in your mouth, he came undone, shooting spurts of sticky white cum inside your mouth. 
Beomgyu tried catching his breath as he looked down at you. He reached for your face, pressing on each side to make you open it. He watched your tongue swirl around the pool of his cum. Beomgyu pressed his thumb on your tongue, playing with his cum. "Swallow."
With a single command, you quickly obliged, swallowing the mix of sweet and salty taste from his cum and the ice cream. This time you felt so little under him as you sat on the floor between his legs. You opened your mouth for him to check. "Good girl," he smiled as he pulled you up, making you straddle him again.
"Did you enjoy your time ordering me around, baby?" He asked, tucking your hair behind your ear. You smiled at him, nodding with a wide grin.
His hand ran lower to your chest, touching your breast, causing you to bite your lower lip. 
"Tell me, why aren't you wearing a bra, hm?" He stared at you straight in the eye, raising his eyebrow, looking for a proper answer.
"I didn't know you were gonna drop by again," you pout.
"I see," he said, pinching your nipple.
"G-gyu..." you whimpered.
"Hm?" You looked away, clutching at the hem of your shirt. 
Beomgyu rolls your nipples against his finger again, making you quiver.
"G-gyu!" You moaned, holding his wrist. 
"What is it? Are you lost?" he chuckled, pulling your nipple.
"Ahh! Shit! Mhhmp!" you collapsed above him, hiding in his neck, whimpering and whining over and over again. You heard him let out a hearty chuckle again before wrapping his arms around your waist. 
"Too much?" he asked, and you nodded as an answer. "Okay, okay, I won't do it again, remove your pajama," he whispered.
You get off of him to discard your silk pajama, before repositioning yourself on top of him again. He kissed your forehead and played a little with the band of your panties.
Aligning his tip on your clothed pussy, he tried thrusting, teasing you, and smirking at how you squirm and pout at the stimulation.
Yet when he pushed your panties to the side, he saw the sticky wetness on the cloth from your hole. "So you're ordering me around while you're being wet like this, am I right?" he grinned.
He started teasing your pussy, pushing his red tip and letting it slide away. "Aww, too bad, I think it won't fit," he pouts, still teasing you. You whined back, wanting to feel him bare.
He teased you more and more. Until you couldn't take it anymore as you rose to your knees and aligned him against your hole, forcing your way down. You ended up collapsing in his arms again. Not prepared at all as you felt a burning pain from the stretch of his fat cock.
"God fucking damn it, don't do that again, you'll end up hurting yourself," Beomgyu winces as he tries to soothe you by combing your hair and kissing your face.
"No matter how desperate you want to feel me, don't do that again, okay? I haven't even properly stretched you out yet," he whispered, rubbing your back.
"Come here," he pulled your face to give you a kiss. A kiss that washed the pain away. Tongues fighting, teeth clashing, saliva mixing. It was nasty, lewd, and filthy. Yet you love it, moaning at the feeling. Especially when Beomgyu started to thrust his hips up, slowly training you with his size. 
His lips traveled down to your neck, leaving splotchy red marks and wet open-mouthed kisses in his wake. His hand fully grasped your breasts, slowly massaging them, occasionally rolling your nipples beneath his fingers, enjoying the way you moan his name in his ear as you catch your breath. 
Then he pulled away, holding your waist as he started his precise and delicious thrusts. 
"Deep?" he asked, tilting his head to the side with a grin. You nodded, both of your hands on his chest to keep your balance.
"How deep?" he smirked.
"H-here," you managed, pulling his hand and letting him press on your abdomen. You whimpered when he pressed harder, making you feel every curve and vein of his cock.
"Will you show me how you squirt? How did you find out you can?" he bombed you with questions, still maintaining his pace in thrusting inside your gummy walls.
"W-will show you G-gyu, will do... I ..ahh.. f-found out... One time when I t-touched myself," you started. "W-when you c-called me.. mmmph! W-with your morning voi....voice."
"You're touching yourself to my voice? Fuck, how desperate are you?" he scoffed, thrusting harder.
"W-wait! Ahh! Too m-much! Gyu!" You hid on his neck again, feeling so little and inferior. 
"I-it was only one time! I.. I never did it again!" You managed to squeak out, voice muffled on his neck.
"Then let's make you squirt again, yeah?" he sneered, pulling you back by your hair as you groan at the pleasuring pain spreading through your scalp.
He lifted you up for a bit, and he started fucking your hole with a faster and rougher pace. "Squirt on my cock, squirt on my cock." He kept on repeating it over gritted teeth, adding force to every thrust.
"G-gyu, w-wait, I'm gonna cum--" Clear liquid came out gushing from your hole, pushing his cock out along with your creamy cum, soiling your couch.
"Fuck.. do it again!" His grin grew wider as he lifted you up again and thrusted even harder with greater force.
"Gyu! Gyu! Beomgyu!" You chanted his name over and over again, your toes curled and your stomach twisted at the overstimulation. Yet he kept on fucking into you.
And again, you let out a gush of clear liquid. Whole body spasming above Beomgyu. His cock twitches as he pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek. 
"T-this is dirty G-gyu," you muttered below your breath, body spent as you found support from his shoulder.
"No. I like it. This is fucking hot. Makes me wanna fuck you more," he laughs.
You eyes flicker across the room. The couch, the blanket, and the pillows were wet. The chocolate-flavored ice cream smeared on his pants.
Beomgyu slowly slides himself inside you again, thrusting more precisely, wanting to cum inside you this time. He buried his face in your neck as he pushed your hips down. 
"F-fuck! Wanna fill you up!" 
"P-pull out, Gyu! Please!" you pleaded, clawing his back.
Beomgyu pulls out. Hissing through his teeth, he pumped his cock a few times and ended up cumming on your tummy. 
"Fuck," he pants, leaning back on the couch and pulling you to his chest. 
You heard how his heart thumped so hard and how his breathing was so ragged. You buried your face in his neck, allowing your heart to calm down. And realization settled in. You just had sex with your best friend.
"If you won't still ask me to date you after today, I'll ask Kai out, I know he likes me." You muttered, feigning nonchalance.
"What the fuck? Do you want me to tell them how good I made you feel?" he taunts, tangling his fingers in your hair as he gives it a little pull, making you moan.
"See? Only I am allowed to see you like this, to make you so spent like this, understood?" he frowns.
"Only if you date me," you said as you latched your lips on his neck, leaving a mark of ownership.
"Fuck," he scoffed, touching the part where you left a mark when you pulled away. 
@binniesbooks 2024
486 notes · View notes
zombiefiilm · 8 months
Text
Fell in Love
spencer reid x gn!reader
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summary: you hadn't expected your friend spencer to be home from his most recent case yet, let alone passed out on your couch
warnings: confessions, kissing, fluff, no use of y/n
word count: 1.5k
The moment the key hit the lock of your front door, you practically felt a weight fall off your shoulders. You had been working all day and there was nothing you wanted more than to change into your pyjamas and watch tv for the rest of the night.
Once inside your apartment, you shut the door, instantly dropping your bag to the floor and your keys onto the table. Your shoes were kicked off and your jacket was strewn across a random chair in a matter of seconds and you were ready to run into your bedroom.
But, as you passed by the living room, you caught a glimpse of someone sleeping on your couch, shoes and coat still on.
Really, you should have been a bit more startled by the sight of someone in your home, considering you lived alone, but you were all too familiar with Spencer's habit of dropping by unannounced.
You stopped in your tracks, walking around to the front of the couch and called his name.
"Spencer" you were met with an annoyed groan as he flipped onto his other side.
"Spencer" you called again, louder, shoving his shoulder slightly. No response.
"Dr. Spencer Reid" you practically yelled right into his ear and you watched him jump this time, turning to face you again.
"I gave you a key for emergencies" you scolded, watching as he sat up and groggily rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
"I'm sorry" he sounded overly sincere "I didn't want to go home."
Then you realised that this wasn't just his regular habit of dropping in whenever he was bored, he needed comfort. You knew all to well the toll his job took on him, with everything that’s happened to him you were surprised he was able to hold up as well as he did.
“Oh Spencer” you half-whispered, sitting down on the couch right beside him, shoulder practically pressed against his. “Do you wanna talk about it?”.
“Not really, I just need to get my mind off everything” he sat up a bit straighter, facing you now.
You nodded in response.
“Is that new?” his gaze was suddenly fixated on your wrist as he reached down to your new watch.
“It is” you told him, lifting up your arm to show off the item adorned with a silver band.
“Did you get it in a pawn shop?” he seemed to be doing a pretty good job at distracting himself now, taking interest in random things like he always did.
“How did you know?” you laughed slightly, bringing your arm back down to your side.
“It’s Cartier” he explained “I know you wouldn’t be able to afford a new one, they range from four thousand to hundreds of thousands of dollars”.
“Wow” you feigned offence.
“I didn’t mean it like that, I just know you wouldn’t spend that kind of money, even when you treat yourself” he almost panickingly explained himself but you still felt a little proud at him knowing things about you. You hated spending a lot of money on yourself and you wanted to treat yourself, hence the new item in your collection.
“Did you know that Cartier was the first healer to use platinum in jewellery making? And they popularised the wristwatch in 1904, it’s really quite interesting”
“I didn’t, Reid” you joked. “Do you want some food? I got groceries yesterday so I could make you anything you want”.
“I’m okay” he sighed slightly “I’m just tired”
“You can sleep in my bed, no reason you should be hurting your back on the couch"
"No its okay, I don't want to put you out. I'm fine out here, really."
"I'm not going planning on going to bed for a while, at least go in there and get some rest, okay?"
He simply nodded his head and got up to go to your bedroom, calling out a goodnight as he approached the door.
You spent a few hours lounging about, mindlessly watching Friends reruns to procrastinate anything that actually needed to be done. Eventually though, the tiredness caught up to you and you decided to camp out on the couch for the night.
You cracked open your bedroom door and the small amount of light that flooded in from the hall presented Spencer completely out of it in your bed, his white shirt half unbuttoned and his trousers twisted around him while the rest of his clothes were piled on the floor beside him.
You smiled to yourself as you went to grab a spare pillow and blanket from your wardrobe, preparing to set yourself up on the couch for the night.
As you went to leave the room once again, you heard him sleepily call your name.
"Yeah?" you turned around to him again, seeing him adjust himself slightly.
“Do you want the your bed back?” He began to sit up, the rustling sound of the duvet filling the air.
“You can stay there, don’t worry about it” there was a silence then, you could tell he was about to say something, but he was struggling to get it to slip past his lips.
"Could you stay with me, please" he looked away bashfully "just for a bit”. You couldn’t see his face, but you knew he was giving you a puppy-dog look, eyes wide and lip practically quivering.
“Of course” you dumped everything that was in your hands onto the end of the bed and crawled up beside Spencer.
Without another word, you pressed yourself up right against him, grabbing his hand with yours and smoothing your thumb over the back of his hand. Just the few moments of silence with you sitting there had done Spencer some good, he had already felt himself calming down, and some of his recent anxieties melting away.
The quiet didn’t last long though before Spencer was saying your name again. “Can I tell you something?”
You turned your head to look at him, your eyes finally adjusting to the dark so you could see all of his emotions bleeding through his expressions. You nodded your head, humming slightly to urge him on.
“I really appreciate you, a lot” he hesitated slightly, searching for the words to use next.
“I appreciate you too Spence” you requited.
“No, I’m thankful for everything you do. You have always been there when I need you, you always know exactly what to say to me, you care about me. And I truly hope you can say the same about me”
“Of course I can”
“I need you in my life more than you could ever know” he continued “you’re the most important person to me in the whole world, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
You looked at him, almost flabbergasted, not knowing what to say that would truly encapsulate how much you cared about him, how happy you were that he appreciated you.
“I like you” he paused “I love you, so much” his words were powerful, they rung in the air as they travelled towards your ears.
“Love?” you repeated, questioning his use of the word. You were no stranger to platonic love but his previous confessions had you questioning the intention of his last sentence.
“I love you, I want to be able to call you mine. I want to come home to you every day, to spend every minute I can with you, to have a future where you’re the centre of all my plans.”
You were practically stumped, the emotions you were feeling rendering your mouth useless.
“If you don’t feel the same way-“ he suddenly became incredibly panicked, spitting out as many words as he could to explain himself before you could cut him off.
“Spencer” you took a deep breathe “I love you too” it was a much shorter confession than his, but you didn’t need to say anything more to him, the confirmation was all he needed.
In the time it took you to blink, your faces were centimetres apart. And then his lips were on yours.
Your body felt like it lit up on that moment, the feeling of his lips on yours waking the butterflies in your stomach. You wasted no time tangling your fingers into his hair and lightly tugging at the roots as his hands slid around your waist, softly massaging your flesh.
It was gentle, his tongue softly slipping into your mouth as you let him do what he wanted, let him take the control.
The kiss was short though, as sleep had began to take over both of you. You mutually pulled away, silently agreeing to lie down, cuddling into one another.
With one more peck on the lips, you rested your head on his chest and closed your eyes.
There was plenty of time to talk it out, to figure out everything between each other, but for now all you needed was the feeling of one another pressed together and the feeling of mutual admiration.
2K notes · View notes
hellodropbear · 2 months
Text
it's time.
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mapi leon x child
new story is here!
as always, hope you enjoy this (new) story and please let me know what you think!
for some reason i only ever get inspiration during uni semester! which is great because i study a really demanding degree and i just had 6 weeks off in which i wrote nothing and now i am procrastinating my physiology modules and prehab exercises :) :)
enjoy :)
~~~~~~
There was a knock on the door.
"Mapi!" Alexia's voice was distinct, and the girl recognised it immediately. She knocked again. "Open the door!"
She looked over at the figure on the sofa, eyes closed, hand resting on the head of the little black cat.
She looked over at the door, where she knew her Ale was standing, waiting for the door to open.
She toddled over to the door, almost losing her balance as she stepped up onto the step by the door and unlocking the door, her hands immediately clinging onto the step's handle to stabilise her small body.
The door opened slowly, and the brunette looked confused for a moment before looking down at the unstable toddler.
"Isabel, mi chica!" Alexia's arms were strong and easily scooped the toddler up and onto her hip. "What are you doing at the door?"
"Hola, Ale!" She planted a sloppy kiss on the woman's cheek, wrapping her arms around her neck.
"Where is Mami?"
"Sleeping! Bagheera." She pointed over to where her mother was splayed across the sofa cushions, the black cat also snoozing away under Mapi's hand. 
"Are you supposed to be napping, Isa?" Alexia's hand moved to the toddler's curly hair, stroking it back and out of her face.
"Not sleepy." She yawned into Alexia's neck, and the brunette woman chuckled.
"Not sleepy?" She moved to sit beside where Mapi was napping, beginning to repeatedly poke her leg.
"Is, stop, Mami is sleeping." The blonde murmured groggily, shifting as she stirred from her sleep. 
Alexia chuckled, her hand retreating back into her lap. 
"Time to wake up, Mapi."
The blonde's eyes opened slowly, her hand coming up to her face as she slowly figured out that it was Alexia sitting beside her. 
"Ale? What are you doing here?"
The older Spaniard shook her head, looking back at the toddler in her arms. 
"Your Mami is so silly sometimes, Isabel! So silly!" She tickled her sides, and the baby squealed in laughter, falling back onto Alexia. "You have to come in today, Jonatan asked me to check in on you because he didn't believe your excuse. We have media, and even if you don't want to be in it, you have to come and meet the new signings. It's time, Mapi."
Mapi groaned, pulling the pillow over the face. 
"Why didn't he believe me? I am clearly sick!" She put her elbow in front of her mouth and coughed into it weakly, looking up at Alexia persuasively. Safe to say she was disappointed by her friend's exasperated eye roll and lack of sympathy.
"You're coming, Mapi. Go get ready and I'll fix up Is to take her too because I presume you haven't organised her Nanny to come?" Mapi shook her head, sighing lightly. "I'll get her ready."
"Ale, please. I really, really don't want to go. Surely it's not time yet?" 
Alexia thought Mapi was going to break down on the spot right then and there, but as quickly as her facial expressions fell, they lifted back up again when the brunette placed her arm around her shoulder. 
"It is, Mapi. You've spent too much time here, you need to get back into it. This one's 14 months now and you've done such a good job." She squeezed Isabel's sides, smiling down at her tiny frame. "But now you have to go back to your other job."
"I've done my training, I've gone to the gym. I just don't think I can start again, Alexia."
"So you want to quit?"
Mapi looked at her in shock, gasping quietly. 
"What? No! I don't want to quit! I love football."
Alexia smiled softly. 
"When better to go back for the first time on a media day, no pressure to perform, nothing. I know you've been training, that you are healthy and have a good level of fitness. What's stopping you from returning to the team environment?"
She sighed, staring straight ahead as her eyes filled with tears, willing them to go away. Adamant that she wouldn't let a single tear fall from her eyes. 
"I'll come. But Ale, this won't be easy for me, you know that. If I want to leave, I want to be able to."
Alexia nodded, standing up from her spot on the couch. 
"Of course, Mapi. I've told you before and I will tell you again, everything you do is at your own pace. Just give it a try, for me. Don't give up before we even get there. Maybe seeing everyone will give you that bit of motivation, you can't tell me it didn't help last time."
Mapi nodded, Alexia was right. 
It's been two months since Mapi saw the rest of the team, right after Isabel's first birthday. It had been a long year of taking care of a tiny baby while also mourning the loss of her best friend. 
The girls loved the baby, finally seeing the girl that they had sent countless gifts to, doting over the adorable one year old who had no idea what heartbreak her mother was going through. 
But what had surprised Mapi was that most of her teammates were more worried about the defender than her child, hugging her tightly and telling her how much they missed her, loved her and were there for her. 
Mapi had cried that night, the realisation that maybe people did care settling on her shoulders, guilt overwhelming her as she registered that she hadn't reached out to a single on of them in a year. 
When she discussed this with Alexia a week later, the brunette had told her to stop being silly. They were a family, apparently. They would always be there for one another. 
~~~~~~
Nerves settled deep in Mapi's stomach as she sat in the back of Alexia's car, staring out at the familiar roads as they drove to the training grounds. Isabel was content in her seat beside her as she babbling away at the streets, Alexia chuckling at her goddaughter. 
When they arrived, Mapi was quick to unclip the baby, walking around to the opposite door to scoop her up into her arms and holding her close as they walked towards the entrance. 
"They said we only have to be there for a couple hours, max. There's a bit of media, they thought it could be a good time to reintroduce you, assuming you want to come back this season. Then we have three new incomings, although one is Irene, who most of us obviously know. The other two are from Scandinavia. Fridolina Rolfo from Sweden and Ingrid Engen from Norway. Fridolina is an attacking midfielder and Ingrid is a central defensive midfielder, both from Wolfsburg..."
Alexia dove deep into an analysis of the two Wolfsburg players that Mapi easily zoned out of, instead focusing on what she was about to do. 
It was weird, walking back into this place after such a long time. A place that used to be like home, she never thought twice about stepping through those doors.
But she could count on her hands the amount of times she had walked into the training campus in the past 18 months, simply preferring to get trained at a private gym or a private field, closer to home and further from the overwhelmingly familiar Barcelona grounds. 
She was expecting to be heckled as soon as they entered, but only Jonatan was in the foyer and he quickly embraced her and pulled her into his office as Alexia turned left to the media room. 
"She is adorable, Mapi."
Jonatan sat down on the sofa in his office, motioning for Mapi to follow him. Mapi smiled down at her baby who was happily fiddling with her toy lion. 
"Thank you."
"Is this it? Are you ready to come back?"
Mapi shrugged lightly. 
"I want to be, but I'm not sure, really. It has been a hard year and I don't know what to do with this one if I train every day, playing games every weekend. She is still only little."
Jonatan nods, hesitating before responding. 
"Everything we do will be at your pace and you have all the support you need. We can find someone to watch her, she can come here or go to your place. We can do anything, you name it. We have all missed you a lot, and I think I speak for the whole team when I say we would be thrilled if you decided to start coming back, becoming fit again."
"I am fit. I have trained a lot, every day. I have rehabbed with the specialists, done their exercises every day, I've been in the gym every day, getting stronger, I go down to the local pitch at least four times a week with the trainer. My fitness is not the problem, it's just me. My brain, I think."
He nods again, understanding written all over his face. 
"We have a psychologist if you want to see her. Apparently she is brilliant."
Mapi shrugs.
"I don't think she would be able to help me. I am just sad. Overwhelmed, maybe. A bit scared, sure. I have no trouble naming my emotions, I just am bad at dealing with them healthily."
It was the truth. Mapi knew what she was feeling but she had no idea how to make it better. Seeing a psychologist wouldn't take away her grief, her fear or her stress, so what was the point?
"I would recommend the psychologist, even if it's just for one session. Everyone who sees her loves her."
She shrugs again. 
"I'll consider it."
They dive into the logistics of returning, as well as how they should tackle the inevitable media storm when she appears on the clubs social media again. Apparently, Alexia suggested just to put them in an interview together to preview the upcoming season. She told the club to not make any sort of deal about the return, in an attempt to make it as seamless as possible. 
Their meeting finished with an agreement, and Jonatan wished the defender luck as she left, heading towards the media room where the rest of the team should be busy. 
"Isabel!" Leila was the first person to notice the duo entering, dropping the paper she held and rushing over to hug Mapi. 
"Y mi Maria. Ale said not to make a big deal out of it, but Mapi, I am so so so happy to see you here again."
She released Mapi from the hug, keeping her hands firmly on the defender's shoulders. 
"I'm proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself too."
Mapi just smiled, setting Isabel down on the floor and watching carefully as she waddled over towards Alexia. She avoided eye contact to prevent herself from becoming emotional, instead flashing a quick smile at Leila, nodding softly. 
"Thanks Leila. It's good to see you, sorry I haven't been the greatest friend recently." Her eyes remained glued to the back of her daughter's head, so she didn't see Leila's entire face and body soften.
"No, no. I should have tried harder. I can't imagine what you were going through."
Truthfully, the fullback and a lot of other teammates carried a substantial guilt over their shoulders, but there was nothing they could do about it anymore.
Not after Alexia had arrived to training raging 9 months ago, telling them they were awful friends, that Mapi was struggling and had received almost no support from any of them.
Just because Mapi asked to be left alone, doesn't mean she actually wanted to be left alone, Alexia had said.
They put in more effort after that, but the damage was done and Mapi still struggled to let anyone but Alexia in.
Isabel, on the other hand, was having a ball as her godmother carried her around the room, introducing her to different people. 
"This is Patri and Pina, Isa, say hello!" 
Isabel giggled, pointing at Patri.
"Patri!" Her hand moved to Pina. "Pina! Hola!" She waved, her hand floppy and a silly smile smacked on her face.
The three footballers smiled at her sincerity, Patri speaking up first. 
"I know who you are! You are adorable, baby Leon, and you look just like your Mami."
Isabel beamed, turning to look up at Alexia. 
"Mi Mami!" 
"Yes, you look just like her, lion cub."
They remained stationed at Patri and Pina for a while, the young striker and her older friend entertaining the baby as she sat mesmerised by their rowdy and outgoing nature, their light banter was something she had rarely been exposed to. 
Mapi on the other hand was shaking as she watched her daughter in Alexia's arms, entirely unable to concentrate on her. Her mind was consumed by the looming thought of her return. The overwhelmingly terrifying return.
She was returned to her mother's arms right before Alexia and Mapi had to go and do media, a soft kiss placed on her head before she was handed off to an excited Leila. 
 The interview, while a good way to ease into it, would undoubtedly create an entire storm in the media and Mapi wasn't sure she wanted to see her life and decisions picked apart, analysed and judged by thousands of people who knew nothing about her and nothing about anything she had been through over the past 15 months. 
Alexia's arm on her back was grounding, guiding her to the correct room and easing the overwhelming worry that surged through her, if only just a little bit. 
"It will be over before you know it. And then you wait a few days, turn off your phone when it is released. You can slowly start coming back to training, and by the time we have to interact with fans, it will have calmed down. I will be right there through it all and so will everyone else in that room."
Mapi was surprised, however, when she sat down in front of the cameras and was briefed about the interview. She was expecting a serious video, previewing the season ahead. Instead, they were doing superlatives, something that Mapi didn't know if she was comfortable with. 
Sure, she's played with this team for years and she knows them all well, but it has been a long time since she's actually played with them. What if things have changed? What if she embarrasses herself. 
"And Mapi, we will release this video in a few days, and hopefully people will take the hint that we aren't making a big deal about your return."
A naive statement that made Mapi want to scoff, but she stopped herself and nodded politely instead. 
But, she did the interview with Alexia, acting as if nothing was wrong and the midfielder couldn't believe that the person beside her was the same person that had practically looked green not 10 minutes ago. 
"Hola! I am Mapi Leon and this is Alexia Putellas! Welcome to superlatives!"
~~~~~~
Completely oblivious to the stress her mother was going through, Isabel was placed in Mapi's cubby as the team got ready for training, completely occupied by the toy lion she was playing with. 
"And who's that, Isabel?"
Leila sat down beside the toddler as soon as she was changed, her socks and boots in her hand as she looked at Isabel. 
"Leon! My lion." 
The defender chuckled, placing her hand on Isabel's head. 
"And you like to play with your lion?"
She nodded, holding the toy out towards Leila, who grabbed it, imitating a lion sound to the child. Isabel squealed with laughter, copying the fullback by imitating a lion herself before pulling the toy back into her arms when Leila passed it over. 
"Leon. Mi Leon." She cuddled the lion tightly before walking it across her leg and down to the floor."
Leila turns her attention away from the toddler to put her shoes and socks on and Isabel took the opportunity to slip down from the cubby, waddling through the changing room with Leila's watchful eye on her. 
She spun around to look at the defender, quickly noticing her raised eyebrows and her playful stern expression. She brought her hand up to her mouth, looking directly at Leila as she giggled mischievously, too distracted to look at where she was going until she bumped right into a pair of legs. 
She spun around immediately, looking up and down at the unfamiliar woman and gave her a smile after assessing that she looked nice enough, brandishing out the lion toy that she was holding. 
The brunette knelt down to her level, smiling softly. 
"Hola!"
Isabel smiled, bringing the toy back towards her. 
"Hola!" She giggled, smiling giddily at the tall woman. 
"What's your name?"
"Isabel!" She shook her lion "Leon, mi leon." She reached out her arms and the Norwegian understood it as a prompt to pick her up, so she scooped the child up into her arms, standing up and walking back towards Leila. 
"My name is Ingrid. It's very nice to meet you!"
Isabel nodded sweetly, pointing over at Leila. 
"Is Leila!" She then pointed over to Patri, then Pina. "Y Patri, y pina. Jenni!"
Ingrid laughed quietly as the child in her arms pointed around the room naming people, but moved over to where Leila was sat, handing over the child. 
"Hola. You are Ingrid?" The fullback smiled politely as Ingrid nodded. "It's good to have you here, welcome to Barca."
The Norwegian smiled. "I am very happy to be here."
The door opened as Leila was about to respond, but Isabel's head whipped around at the sound of her mother's voice, jumping up in the fullback's lap. 
"Mami!" 
Mapi strode across the changing room, picking Isabel up with one arm and bouncing her on her hip. 
"Hola, mi Is." She planted a kiss on her daughter's temple as she laughed, pointing over to Ingrid. 
"Ingrid!" 
"Who?" Mapi followed her daughter's hand, spotting the retreating Norwegian figure. Her hair was thick, Mapi noticed, rich and abundant in the way it fell easily down past her shoulders but the centre back was sure that hair so gorgeous was anything but easy to maintain. 
"Did you meet her?"
Isabel nodded, a smile still on her face. "Held me!"
"She held you?" 
Isabel nodded enthusiastically right as Ingrid turned around, immediately making eye contact with the spanish mother. Mapi was sure that if she didn't have a baby in her arms she would have gone weak at the knees and maybe fallen to the floor. 
Because the first thing she noticed were the piercing green eyes staring right back into her own, and the way they sparkled as soon as her mouth shot up into a large smile. 
Ingrid, the new signing, was possibly the most gorgeous person Mapi had ever laid her eyes on.
Mapi could only smile back as she tried her best to memorise every detail of the Norwegian's face as if she would never see it again, so consumed in her thoughts that she didn't realise that the brunette had been moving closer and closer until she was right in front of her. 
"Is she yours?"
Mapi could only nod, her voice had somehow run away. Ingrid smiled once more at the confirmation and Mapi inhaled slowly, trying to subtly inhale as much of the midfielder's scent as she could. 
"She's adorable, I mean, she looks just like you, really."
Mapi nodded again, hitting herself internally for not being able to form a coherent sentence. 
"I'm Ingrid, I've just signed. From Norway. I play for Wolfsburg." She grimaced. "I mean, I play for Norway. I have signed from Wolfsburg."
Suddenly, Mapi wishes she had paid more attention to Alexia's analysis of their new signings as hey were walking in earlier. Maybe she would have been to prepare herself. 
"I'm Mapi, it's nice to meet you." 
It was a small win, but the sentence was coherent and Mapi was happy. She adjusted Isabel on her hip in order to reach out and shake Ingrid's hand, and the Norwegian smiled and took it. 
Later, when Alexia would tease Mapi about her obvious crush, the centre back would argue that she was being professional, and use the awkward hand shake as proof. 
Ingrid and Mapi stood silently for a moment, the baby becoming increasingly more confused as silence settled upon them, just looking at each other mid hand shake. 
"Mami!" 
They were successfully broken out of the small trance, their eyes both immediately whipping towards the small child. 
"I think I better go." Mapi smiled somewhat apologetically, although she wasn't sure why she felt that small bit of guilt. "I think she missed her nap this morning which means there will be tears in just under an hour so I want to get her to sleep as soon as possible."
"You're not staying for training?" 
The Norwegian seemed confused, although she was aware that the talented centre back had missed a season and a half of football. The reason was unclear to fans and the general public, but had become abundantly clear to Ingrid almost immediately. 
Mapi sighed thoughtfully. 
"Soon. I will be back, I mean. Just not today. Hence the no training kit."
Ingrid nodded, the smile back on her face. 
"I look forward to it. It was nice to meet you!"
"Yeah, yeah. Nice to meet you too. I'll see you soon."
"Bye, Mapi."
It was silent as Alexia and Mapi walked back out to the car. It was like a switch had flicked in Isabel as soon as they left as well, suddenly exhausted in her mother's arms. She was practically asleep when Mapi clipped her into her seat and the two adults were sure she was fast asleep by the time they were on the road. 
"So." Alexia started, a small smirk on her face. Mapi knew exactly where this was going. "Ingrid Engen, huh?"
Mapi rolled her eyes, staring out the window. 
"Ale, please. No."
The brunette shrugged, an amused look on her face as she briefly turned to look at Mapi. 
"I'm just saying. I haven't seen you like that around someone in almost two years."
"Having a child changes you."
It was true. Mapi hadn't seen anyone since she was about two months pregnant. She found it too difficult to explain, sometimes questioning her decisions herself. 
It was a tough decision, choosing to be a surrogate for her best friend, especially as it put her career to the side for an extended period of time. But Luis was a born father, as was his wife, Isabel, had too many health issues to count. The news that she would never be able to carry a baby came with devastation. The news that she couldn't even produce an egg came with heartbreak. 
It was Mapi who offered to be a surrogate for them, her heart slowly ripping apart every time she picked up the phone to a crying Luis as he wished and prayed that he could become a father, wanting it more than anything else.
Initially, they had refused, telling her that she should focus on herself, that she should focus on her career. It had taken a few months to convince them, and by the time they agreed, Mapi knew it was the right decision.
The first two trimesters were easy. She was carrying a small baby, the bump barely visible which made keeping it a secret incredibly easy. She stopped playing games in the middle of the second trimester, and stopped training at the end of it. There was little to no news about her from the club, and fans were left confused when she stopped appearing on the matchday squad list and later as she stopped appearing on their social media altogether. 
To this day, the fans were still confused, because it has almost been two years since their fierce defender was seen in any Barcelona coverage, and she was seldom mentioned in their press.
In the third trimester, Luis and Isabel went on a road trip to Madrid, visiting family.
Two hours after saying goodbye to them, Mapi got the call that there had been an accident. They had both died on the scene and Mapi was left distraught, the baby in her belly only a reminder of the couple that she loved so much, that she would have done anything for. That she did do anything for.
She gave birth a month later, alone in the delivery room as her parents and Alexia stood outside anxiously, concerned for the once boisterous footballer who had barely said three sentences since her best friend died.
"Isabel Luisa." She was decisive as they entered, her eyes red as she cradled the newborn in her arms as her own mother rushed to her side, Alexia standing at the end of the bed.
"I don't know yet whether I will give her my last name or theirs, but she is having their first names. Technically."
Pilar had burst into tears, her hand latching onto her daughters arm and it was clear to Alexia that Mapi was fighting back tears also.
"I have to be strong for her, Ale. She needs a strong Mami."
Alexia softened at her friend's whispered words, nodding quickly before replying.
"She has the strongest Mami. You will be good for her, Maria. And she will be good for you."
The whole thing was too difficult to explain to potential hookups or girlfriends when she was pregnant, and once she was born, Isabel made a great excuse to never go out when Alexia asked. 
Besides, Mapi didn't want to date. She had her hands full with the baby and her other focus was completely on becoming fit again and at some point returning to the game she loves so much. There was no time for a girlfriend on top of that. 
"I'm just saying, she felt the same way. It was obvious." Alexia shrugged, not realising that her words would send Mapi into an unhealthy spiral of guilt and concern.
When the centre back didn't respond, Alexia took it as a cue to change the topic of conversation, so she moved back to the topic of football, something that she could ramble about for hours and Mapi could block out easily. 
"Are you going back to training after this?" 
Mapi interrupted Alexia mid-sentence, clearly not listening to what she was saying at all. 
Alexia nodded. "I have to. I'll make it for the last three hours hopefully. Why?"
Mapi shrugged. 
"I think I want to start back tomorrow."
Alexia's head whipped over to Mapi, slamming on her breaks after almost whipping the car 90 degrees to the right with the sheer force that her entire body moved to face her friend.
"Tomorrow?" 
"Ale! Be careful!"
They both yelled at the same time and Isabel woke up with a start, calling out for Mapi, who sighed deeply, running her hands over her face. 
"Tomorrow, yes." She spoke quietly, her voice a whisper. "I don't know. I have to try at some point and it seems like a good time, in pre season. Do you not think so?"
"No, no. I think that is a great idea. Everyone will be thrilled. Hell, I'm over the moon!" Alexia smiled, pulling over outside the entrance to Mapi's apartment. "I'm proud of you, Mapi. I really am. You should be proud of yourself too."
She leant over the centre console, pulling Mapi into a hug and wiping away her friend's tears when she released her and saw her eyes shining. 
"Luis would be proud too. And so very grateful."
Mapi sniffed, shaking her head. 
"Thanks, Ale. I love you. Thanks for dropping me home and... thanks for everything you've done for me. For us."
"You're my best friend, Maria. No need to thank me."
Mapi smiled, stepping out of the car and closing the door behind her before stepping to the back door and unclipping Isabel from the seat. 
"Mami," Isabel whined, clinging tightly to Mapi's neck as she waved goodbye to Alexia's retreating car and moved towards the front door. 
"I think it's nap time for you, my Is."
~~~~~~
i've written a maybe 13k words of this next story already but most of what's written is rough and needs proof reading. can't promise particularly quick updates because i study full time, have two jobs and also prehab for a knee reconstruction in a couple months so i am pretty busy!
if you have any requests or want to see anything in particular let me know! what I have can be changed and modified easily to suit you guys :)
pls let me know what you think
have a great day :)
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miniwheat77 · 1 year
Text
Smash. (dbf!Captain Price x Virgin!Reader.)
!CW! NSFW, Smut, heeeeeefty age gap (reader is 21, Price is 47), teasing, daddy kink, rough sex, p in v sex, unprotected sex, mutual pining, this is filthy age gap Smut and you’ve been warned. (Sorry if I missed any.)
Summary: Captain Price is your dads best friend and you’ve been crushing on him since you were a little girl.
I know this isn’t a request but I’m procrastinating :)
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“Oh come on sweet pea, you haven’t been home for a family barbecue in three years now!” Your dad begs you on the phone. You’ve been off at college for three whole years. You haven’t made too much time to come visit, but there’s a reason for that.
Your step mom.
She’s awful. Uses your dad for his money, cheats on him constantly. At this point, you think she’s just a cover for something. You sigh, taking a deep breath. “Alright. Fine. But you better keep your hound on a leash.” You groan. “Hey. Be nice Y/N.” He rolls his eyes on the other end of the phone. “She doesn’t show her teeth, I don’t bite.” You smile cheekily. He can’t see it, but he can hear it. “Oh lord. What I would do without you.” He laughs. “Live a happy, stress free life.” You giggle. He laughs on the other end. “I’ll see you on Saturday sweet pea. Don’t forget, we had a pool put in since you last came, don’t forget your bathing suit!” He smiles. “Alright dad, I’ll be there. Love you, bye.” You laugh as you hang up the phone.
“That girl, gonna be the death of me.” Your dad smiles as he hangs up the phone. He’s sitting at a table with his best friend of twenty plus years, Captain John Price. “Is that Y/N?” He smiles. “Yeah. I’ve been trying to get her to come home for the barbecue this weekend. Finally got her to agree.” He laughs. John nods his head, taking a drink of his beer. “Haven’t seen that girl in ages.” He smiles. “You’ll see her this Saturday. She’s been nothing but a pain in my ass for these last few years. Since she was 17, I think.” He laughs. “How so? I don’t have any kids so I don’t really know how they work.” John laughs. “Oh boy. She’s just a young woman. Moody, bossy. The girl has been boy crazy since she was 15.” He laughs. Placing a hand over his face. “Absolutely hates her step mom. Every time they’re both in the same room together I just want to strangle them both.” He rolls his eyes, tipping his beer up. “Although these last couple years she’s been super wild. Going out drinking, getting herself into trouble. I’ve seen more than 2 boys on her stupid Instagram she doesn’t know that I know about.” He sighs. John nods. “You think you were maybe too strict with her?” He asks. “Probably. But you live and you learn I guess.” He laughs. John finishes lthe rest of his beer.
You turn the wheel toward the parking lot of your apartment complex. It’s only about 30 minutes away from where your dad is, but you’ve been busy with school. Your car comes to a halt as you climb out, gathering all of your items and heading upstairs to your room. You pick up your phone, dialing your best friends number. “Hey.” You smile. “Hey Y/N, what’s up?” She asks. “You know how I’ve told you about the family barbecue’s I’ve had in the past?” You say. “Oh. You mean the one day a year you spend ogling at your dads best friend that I’ve heard alllll about?” She chuckles, making you blush. “Yeah, my dad convinced me to go and they installed a pool last year. So.. we need to go bathing suit shopping.” You mumble. “Is this finally the year?” She smirks. “Hopefully. You should come with me, get a good look at him.” You smile. “Alright. I’m down. I’ll come get you in 20 for the mall.” You smile. “Okay.” After saying your goodbye’s, you hang up.
When she arrives, you gather up everything you need, walking down the old metal stairs to your apartment. Feeling them buckle underneath you slightly, yeah the apartment you lived in wasn’t too up to date. But it was nice.
Your dad was really strict, and this time you’d spent away at college had been the most fun you’ve ever had. He wasn’t monitoring your every move, couldn’t tell you what to do 24/7, and you could come and go anytime you wanted. No curfew. Maybe it had to do with your dad being a retired military man. But he was strict and sometimes he could get a little mean. Everyone knew it, and nobody was surprised when you left. You open the door to her car, sitting down and closing the door after you pull your leg in. You put your seatbelt on and start talking about anything random as she pulls out of your apartment complex to head toward the mall. The drive is pretty short, it passes by incredibly quick because of the small talk you’re making. She pulls into the parking lot and the both of you make your way inside to your favorite stores.
When you finish shopping, you make your way into the food court, choosing what you want to eat. Eventually, the both of you are just sitting down at a small table. Listening to everyone else talking around you.
“So what’s so special about this guy anyways Hm? How old is he?” You blush at her question. “Oh god. How old is he?!” She laughs. “47.” You mumble. “Jesus! He’s older than your dad!” She laughs. “Yeah I know. And.. I don’t know. Ever since I was old enough to understand what a crush was, it was always him.” You shrug. She smiles. “Even still?” She asks. “Yeah. I’ve had one boyfriend that lasted like 2 months. That’s it.” You smirk. Taking a bite of your food. She smiles. “Because you’ve been so in love with this guy? Shit. You were legal 3 years ago, why didn’t you try sooner?” She asks. “When I was 18 I got into a big fight with my dad and I haven’t been home since.” You laugh. She nods her head. “Gotcha.”
“Also not to mention he’s a Captain in the Military.” You laugh. Her eyes widen. “Damn. I don’t know him but I’m in love with him too.” She laughs. “You will be.” You roll your eyes with a laugh.
The day of the Barbecue approached fast, and your best friend canceled on you because she was sick. You were driving alone, nervous. Anxious to see John again. Your stomach was curled up, waves of nervousness shooting through you. You hadn’t gotten over these feelings that you’d had for him for a long time, you thought you would. But now? You were convinced they’d never go away. At this point you knew it was more than just a dumb crush, but admitting that meant defeat and you wouldn’t yet. You wouldn’t cave just yet. As a little girl you dreamt of him day and night. Never boys your age, not even in high school when you hit puberty and had a crush on everyone. Nobody stuck. Nobody but John. Your dads best friend who was completely out of your reach.
You pulled into the driveway and noticed cars already in the driveway, pulling up as close to the car in front of you as possible. You hop out, deep breath leaving your lips as you start for the backyard where you could hear everyone. You open the gate, the loud creak that it makes gives away your arrival and all eyes are on you. There’s nothing but silence for a minute until your dad hollers that you’re here. He rushes over and gives you a hug and a lot of the already tipsy women start commenting on how much you’ve grown up, how you’re a woman now and not just a kid. When you’re done being bombarded by everyone, you spot John sitting in a lawn chair, beer in his hand. “Come on sweetheart. I’ll show you what we got to drink.” Your dad smiles. You dig through the cooler and end up grabbing a beer. You’d need the liquid courage to get you through this entire day. You followed your dad over to where he’s sitting and smile at John. ��Hey Kiddo.” John smiles. “Hey John. How are you?” You smile. “I’m good. You?”
“Good. Just going to school.” You blush. He’s so perfect. So fucking attractive. You just want to jump him right in front of everyone here. You talk a little more with him before your dad calls him away from you to talk about something else with the grill.
You get caught up in conversation with a few other women there, avoiding your step-mom like she’s the plague.
A sigh leaves your lips. You’re sitting at a table inside, drinking a beer. You’ve had a little too much to drink, feeling a little tipsy. Everyone is already passed out or gone home. Tonight did not go the way you wanted it to go. You wanted to talk to John more. Wanted so badly to get to know him more. You’ve pretty much given up on it. Sure he’s probably already gone home for the night. You hear the sliding glass door open and your step-mom walks in. “Y/N. Will you please go keep John company? Your dad is drunk and I need to take him to bed.” You nod your head. Those are the first words she’s spoken to you all day. You stand up, going out to the back yard. There’s an older woman, her husband, and John left. “Hey sweetheart.” She smiles. “Hey.” You smile. You sit on the edge of the pool with your feet in the water. John is in the pool and she’s laying on the concrete. “Howcome you’re here all alone sweets?” He asks. “Oh.. I don’t know. I invited a friend to come but she wasn’t feeling too good.” You explain. She nods. “You don’t gotta boyfriend?” She wiggles her eyebrows. “Oh god no.” You laugh. She looks at you. “Why’s that?”
“I’m surrounded by college guys, not exactly a fan.” You smile. John is listening, intrigued. “Your dad keeps talking about the boys on your secret Instagram.” She smiles. “Secret?” You smile. “I don’t have a secret Instagram.” You laugh. “Oh, he talks about it.” She smiles. You look confused. “Weird. The only guys I have on there are friends.” You laugh. “Just friends?” You nod your head. “Yeah. I need to take down those pictures down actually.” You laugh. “Why’s that?” She smiles. “They always pretend to be my friends and than they get weird. Catch feelings or something.” You laugh. “It’s cause you’re a real pretty girl. They probably just want a piece.” She smiles. “It’s always after they find out I’m a Virgin.” You mumble. John almost chokes on his bourbon that he has, eyes widening. His body is rigid. She laughs. “Wow. That’s actually kind’ve impressive.” She smiles.
After talking a little more, she drags her husband home. Leaving you and John alone. Something that makes your stomach flutter. “The advice she was giving you. Don’t take it.” He mumbles. “Hm?” You look up at him. “She.. is a little..” he waves his finger by his ear. You giggle. He notices the way you react to him. “You’re a real pretty girl you know? Don’t rush into anything. Find a guy who will treat you right.” He nods. You nod your head. You pull your shirt off, sliding into the water. You give him a good view of your bathing suit. “Can I ask you for some advice?” You bite your bottom lip. He nods his head. “Yeah, Cmere.” He nods his head. You swim closer to him, leaning up against the wall where he’s sitting. “What’s up?” He asks. You sigh. “Do you think I’m immature?” You ask. He narrows his eyes. “No. I don’t think so at all. I think you’re actually pretty mature for your age.” He smiles. You nod your head. “Why?” He asks. “Well.. I like this guy but.. he’s quite a bit older than me.” You blush. “How much older?” He asks.
“I don’t know if I should say..” you blush. “No older than your dad I hope.” He chuckles. You look down, crimson creeping up your cheeks. His eyes widen and he coughs on his liquor. “Jesus- how much older?” He asks, wiping his face. “Few years..” you mumble. “Older than me?” He asks. “Around the same age I think.” You breathe. “Just… don’t tell my dad on me, please?” You bite your lip nervously. He laughs, looking down. “What the hell do you want with a guy my age anyways? Do I know him?” He asks. You blush, looking down. “Yeah. Pretty well actually. I’ve liked him for a while.” You breathe. He laughs. “Jesus Christ.” He breathes. He runs a hand over his facial hair, seeing the way that the water drips off of him has you clenching your thighs together. “You have any advice?” You say nervously. He looks down. “Don’t go for it.” He laughs. “Hm?” You say. “Men my age will only take advantage of you.” You’ve moved closer and closer to him. “Would you take advantage of me?” You swallow hard, looking up at him. The way you look up at him is far from innocent. “I-“ he freezes. “John?” You whisper. “Yeah?”
You swallow hard. “Would you?” You breathe. He looks down. You’ve crept even closer to him, and when you’re right in front of him, he’s losing his mind. You breathe. His eyes widen and he’s silent for a minute. He sets his glass down, reaching his hands out and grasping your hips. He pins you to the concrete wall of the pool, hand resting on your throat. “You’re a good girl. Such a good girl, you don’t need to be with a guy my age.” He breathes. You whimper, tilting your head back. The way that you react to him shows him more than he needs. He moves his hips closer to yours and you clutch his sides for dear life, whimpering out when he ruts his hips into yours. He spins you around, until you’re leant over the pool wall. Crying out when he tugs on your hair. “Who is it darlin?” He breathes. “Because the way you’re reacting to me…” he trails offs. You’re panting out, he’d thrown you for a curveball. Sending you straight into a daze. “Use your words love.” He growls. The feel of his hips pressing into you, his hands on you. “It’s you- since I was a kid-“ you pant. Your eyes are watering, wanting so badly for his hands to be on you. Just as his fingertips graze over your bathing suit between your legs, breath hitching in your throat, he pulls away. “Look at me.” He helps spin you around. “As bad as I want to… Your dad is my best friend.” He breathes. You nod your head, as bad as it hurts you, you understand. You’re still breathing hard, as he creates a few more inches of distance, reaching out to run his finger along your bottom lip, loving the way you react to him, parting your lips even more. Closing your eyes and tilting your head back just slightly. It’s a small gesture but it doesn’t go unnoticed by him. You swipe your tongue over his thumb. The taste of his skin is amazing, even when it’s mixed with chlorine.
He bites his lip, pulling his hand away. “Such a good girl f’me.” He breathes. It’s quiet, you almost miss it. When he says it, your body lights on fire. Having him touch you, his hands on you. It’s almost too much for you to handle. When you finally pull yourself out of the trance like state he’d put you in, he’s moved a couple feet away from you. Which is perfect timing. Your step mom makes her way out of the back door, sending John a smile. “Y/N, I think it’s time for you to go.” You narrow your eyes at her. “What?” You ask. “It’s nearing nine, you need to head on home.” She crosses her arms. “Uh.. I think she’s been drinking.” John looks at you. “That’s not my problem, she’s not welcome to stay here. Our guest bedroom is my office now anyways.” You roll your eyes and John can see the attitude on your face as you look up at her. “Have a good night John.” She smiles at him. “Remember, the couch is always open.” John expects you to be a little more upset than you are. But you aren’t. You step out of the pool mumbling out a “fucking bitch.” Under your breath. John smiles at your aggression. “I can give you a ride home?” John asks. “I’m sure I’ll be fine John, besides, I think you’ve had more to drink than me.” You laugh, wrapping a towel around you. He smiles, climbing out of the pool. His body is soaked, drips of water sliding down his chest. You want to drool at the sight of him. sliding a t-shirt on. His cargo shorts were soaked but he didn’t care. “Honey, I’ve got twenty plus years of drinking on you.” He laughs. “Takes a lot to get me drunk.” You smile. John is about to offer again, the door opens. This time it’s your dad. “Hey. I didn’t know you guys were still here.” He smiles. “Yeah. I would’ve stayed longer but Y/N caught the wrath of your wife.” John raises his eyebrows at him. “What do you mean?”
“Told Y/N she wasn’t welcome to stay.”
Your dad looks down at his feet. Glancing back at the door. “She’s just.. in her own space. You know? You understand, right Y/N?” He says. Your lips part slightly. “Cmon Y/N. You can stay at my house.” John nods his head. You send your dad a death glare, following after John. “Oh and uh.. it’s not really my place, but letting your daughter who’s been drinking drive home on her own and choosing a woman over your own kid.. dick move.” John shakes his head at him, sliding his hand over your lower back and walking through the wooden gate with you.
He walks you out to a large truck in the driveway, it’s brand new, shiny black with leather seats. He opens the door for you, helping you up inside. He rests his hand on your thigh until you’re settled, closing the door once you’re inside. He makes his way around the front, opening up his side and climbing in. He starts it, backing up out of the driveway. The way his hands grip around the steering wheel, veins popping out on his hands. He’s sexy, it’s hard to ignore. You bite your lip, clenching your eyes shut. You squeeze your thighs together, trying to ignore the throbbing between them. John feels bad. He’s upset by the fact that your own dad treats you that way, and allows his wife to treat you like that. What bothers him the most? Is how unbothered you are by it. How you seem so used to it, you don’t even care anymore. “You don’t deserve that, you know?” He mumbles. He reaches his hand across the center console, resting his hand on your bare thigh. His hand is warm against your cold skin, and for once in your life, you could give that stupid bitch a hug for doing what she did. She got you alone with John Price. The guy you’ve been crushing on since you were a kid. “I know, but it’s normal to me. You see why I haven’t showed up for any gatherings?” You smile. He nods his head. “Yeah, definitely. I had a lot of respect for your dad until tonight, can’t believe that.” He rolls his eyes. “Like your little attitude you threw, bet you’ve got more fire in you than that.” A giggle leaves your lips, and he smiles at it. “Oh yeah. She’s brought out the absolute worst in me.” You smile. He gives your thigh a reassuring squeeze, not missing the way that you slide down into the seat unintentionally. Your body was begging for his touch, wanting his his hand to creep up just a little bit higher.
John pulls into his driveway, quickly climbing out and making his way around the truck to your side. “Sorry, haven’t got the running boards for it yet. They’re on back order.” He explains. “That’s okay, I can jump.” You giggle. John helps you down from the seat, fingertips lingering a little longer than they should on your hips. John feels his phone vibrate in his hand, ignoring it as he leads you up to the front door. When you step inside, you smile. He’s got a very nice house. “Wow. It’s really pretty in here.” You smile. “Pretty?” He laughs. “Yeah, pretty. I like it.” He passes you a hoodie he’d been wearing earlier that morning. Assuming you had no other clothes to sleep in. You thank him, and he shows you to the bathroom so that you can change. He changes too, finishing before you. He sits down on his couch, finally taking a moment to look at his phone. It’s a message from your dad.
I don’t appreciate what you said about what happened today. Involving yourself in our business. What happens between my family is to stay within my family.
John thinks for a while about a reply. But eventually decides to just leave it alone and ignore him. He’s pissed off. You don’t deserve it. This was an entire new side of your dad that he’d never seen before. A side John didn’t like at all, it really made him want to re-evaluate his entire friendship. He no longer had the same respect for the man he did originally. The best thing about him was his daughter. You. John thinks for a minute. Running his fingers over his facial hair. You come back from the bathroom, wearing only his sweatshirt. As you pass by him, he stops you, grasping onto your knee and pulling you in front of him. “John…” you mumble. “What are you doing?” You mumble. “Just.. admiring you sweetheart.” He looks up at you, pulling you into him. Looking at you. You look down at him, biting your lip nervously. He grasps your thighs, tugging you further. You straddle his hips and his fingers slide up your bare thighs. Sliding slightly under the sweatshirt. He expects to feel panties, or your bathing suit, but his eyes widen when he feels nothing. He brings his hand between your legs. “I thought..” you pant, clutching onto his shoulder. “I thought you said you-“ he cuts you off when his fingertips touch your opening for the first time, the first time you’d ever been touched by a man. A gasp leaves your lips and you’re soaking wet. Coating his fingers when he’s barely even touched you. You like him more than he thought. “Yeah, maybe what your dad doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” He smirks. “You’re so wet for me sweetheart.” He rubs gentle circles over your clit, making you moan out, rocking your hips into his touch.
“John?” You mewl. He looks at you, a smile on his face. “Yeah?”
“Will you have sex with me?” You whimper. He swallows hard. “But you’re a virgin sweet girl.” You nod your head. “I know- but I’ve saved it for you.” You breathe out. “I only want you John. I want you to take it.” You rock your hips into his hand more, body shaking at the intensity of him touching you. Your skin is hot against him. “Are you sure?” He asks. You nod your head eagerly. He bites his lip. He wraps his hands around your waist, lifting you up. He walks down the hallway to his bedroom, pushing the door open with his foot and laying you down on his bed. “I don’t have condoms or anything.” He breathes. “It’s okay.” You breathe. “I want to feel all of you.” You breathe. Your desperation is turning him on. Nobody has ever shown him anything like this. John hasn’t been with a woman since he was in his mid twenties, and he gave up on relationships and women. Trashed the idea completely. But you.. you came into the picture. Pretty black bathing suit. Smooth skin, innocent eyes that helped conceal such a dirty little secret. So young and pretty, and you wanted him. You were desperate for him. Begging him to take your virginity even. John’s breathing is a little sporadic, he’s nervous too. It’s been so long. He doesn’t even really remember sex. You make him feel young again, and he’s a little worried he might ruin this.
He keeps touching you. Kissing and biting at your skin, running his fingers over your opening and eventually sliding them into your slick hole. Sliding them in and out of you, scissoring them until you’re squirming, begging him for more. The way you say his name. Caught somewhere between a moan and a mewl, it kicks his body into overdrive. His cock is rock hard, throbbing against his leg. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time. Nothing ever really got to John anymore. Not until now. “Do you think you’re ready for me, princess?” He smiles down at you. You’re completely naked now, tits on full display for him to tease. He’s been toying with them for a while, sucking and swirling his tongue around them. You’re soaked, body begging for him. You nod your head eagerly. He pumps his cock, using your wetness to help lubricate himself. He lines himself up with your entrance and you keep your legs spread for him. He watches you for any discomfort or any signs that you’re going to stop him, but you don’t. You hold your legs open, biting your lip. Excited that he’s going to take your virginity. Your pussy is wet enough, he doesn’t have to stretch you too much. You feel slight pinching as he inches deeper and deeper into you, but a moan leaves your lips when he bottoms out. Your hands jumping to clutch at his bed sheets. “Are you okay?” You nod your head. “Yes- yes!” You whimper. “I feel so full.” You whimper. Your eyes are watering slightly and it hurts more than you want to admit, he can tell. But you’re so excited to be having sex with him, those fantasies you’ve been having for so many years finally coming true, and they’re so much better than you ever thought they’d be. He rocks his hips back and fourth, hearing you cry out as he does. He smirks. Hoping you don’t notice how much he’s enjoying seeing you such a mess.
You’re crying after a few thrusts, tears streaming down your face at the overstimulation you feel. It only took you a few minutes to cum for the first time, his thumb moving back and fourth against your clit until you started crying, and he finally let go. Him giving your body what you had so desperately wanted, for so long. Your body gave into him right away, tightening around him and soaking his cock. He bites his lip, thrusting into you still. “So pretty..” he smirks. “That’s it.. cry for me sweet girl.” He bites his lip, thrusting a bit harder than he had before. Another sob leaves your lips, your body shaking. “I’m gonna cum again!” You cry. He leans down into you. “Look at me sweetheart.” He breathes. You look up at him. “Watch me when you cum.” You lazily nod your head, eyes watery. Your tears are shiny in the moonlight dipping through the curtains and his lower stomach is clenching up tight. Knot wound up in his stomach. A cry leaves your lips, your fingers gripping onto the sheets tightly as you cum again, this time, he groans out. Hips stuttering to a stop as he finishes inside of you. The feeling of you clenching down around him is too much. And he rests his head on your chest. You run your hands through his hair, something you had dreamt about doing for so long. He’s panting, coming down from his high. “Fuck.. did so good for me sweetheart.” He breathes. He collapses on top of you with a groan. Once he relaxes, he slides out of you with a gasp. He lays next to you, holding onto your hand. You’re panting hard. He stares up at the ceiling, in shock. He just took your virginity, his best friends daughter.
He took it, your virginity.
He blushes hard as he stares up, still in shock. No woman has shown John any attention in years, how lucky is he that a woman as pretty as you likes him? Let him touch you even. He sits up, getting up to clean himself up. He takes a deep breath, drinking the sight of you in. You look so pretty in his bed. When he finishes cleaning up, he cleans you up the best he can. He slides his hoodie onto you, trying not to wake you up. He lays down, pulling a blanket over the both of you, pulling you into him. Your hair smells amazing and he breathes out, feeling an ache in his chest. Just as he’s about to fall asleep, he wonders. What happens if he falls in love with you?
The next morning, you wake up to his side of the bed being empty. You sit up, groaning as the muscles in your legs and lower stomach burn. He really did a number on you last night. You rub your eyes tiredly, taking a deep breath. Your cheeks are burning, the thoughts from last night running through your head. You’re going to have to face him again, see him. The man who took your virginity. The man who you’ve had feelings for forever, that you could no longer hide. Just as you’re about to stand up, John walks in. He’s holding a glass of water. “Here.” He smiles, passing it to you. He holds his other hand out, he’s holding something. You open your hand and he places medicine in it. “I know you’re probably sore, baby.” He runs his hand up your thigh. You take the medicine, drinking some of the water. When you’re finished, he takes it from your hand and sets it down. “There’s coffee in the kitchen too. I made it.” You smile. You go to stand up, but your knees buckle underneath you. He catches you before you topple to the ground, a gasp leaving your lips. You can feel his warmth from the night before spilling out of you.
“What? Are you okay?” He asks. “I.. yeah. Just..” you look down. He swallows hard when he sees it. “I tried to clean you up the best I could…” he mumbles. “Fuck that’s so hot baby.. I need to walk away.” He laughs. You look up at him, seeing he’s turned his head. “You don’t have to..” you mumble. He looks at you, eyebrows raised. “You.. want me to fuck you again?” He blushes, trying to hide it. You cover your face with the sleeve of his hoodie, blushing. He smiles, reaching forward and pulling it away from you face. “All you had to do was ask baby.” He smiles, reaching for the buckle on his belt. He’s already dressed. You’re blushing hard, avoiding eye contact. He chuckles at you. “Blush for me princess, makes you so cute.” He leans down, his nose nudging against yours. He grasps your thighs and slides you to the edge of the bed, pushing his jeans down his legs enough to where he can get closer to you. When he slides in, you gasp. It feels much more intense than the night before. He tilts his head back, swallowing hard. His adams apple bobs and you blush even harder, moaning as he rocks his hips into yours. You’re still covering your face with the sleeve and he grasps both of your hands, leaning over you to pin them above your head. “Don’t hide that pretty face from me..” he moans. “You’re so fucking pretty baby, such a pretty girl.” He gasps. Hips rocking into yours. He’s trying not to be too rough, he knows you’re sore. Your hair sprawled out on his bed, it’s something he wants to see forever. He knows you’re young and as selfish as it’d be of him. He needs to make you his. No matter what it takes.
The cup of coffee in your hand is heavenly, he was a master at making coffee. The seat in his truck is warming up, and you’re comfortable as he drives to your dads house. When he pulls up, you look confused. “Where is my car?” You ask. John shrugs. “Don’t know. That’s weird.” Your growl. Opening the door to his truck. “That fucking bitch.” You mumble. John grasps hold of the column shifter, throws his truck in park and gets out, following after you to the front door. He holds back a smirk when he sees you walking with a slight limp, legs still shaky. So bold yet so weak for him. You knock on the door and tilt one of your hips out, resting your hand on it. He likes it. Angry mom behavior.
Your dad and Step-mom answer the door, giving you a surprised look. “Hey Y/N.” Your dad smiles. “Where is my car?” You ask. He looks at your step-mom. “I thought you said she came and got it earlier?” He asks. She pouts. “I’m sorry, it was in my way so I had it towed.” He laughs. “Oh that’s okay sweetheart. I’m sure she’ll understand.” You’re fuming and John can see it. “No, it’s not fucking okay. Are you kidding me?” You’re seething. “Watch your mouth young lady.” Your dad warns. “Or else what? Huh? What the fuck do you have in mind exactly? Kick me out? Say I’m not welcome? Pick your stupid whore of a wife over me? Oh wait.” You roll your eyes. “You’re paying for these goddamn fees.” You point a finger at her. “Hey, Y/N. It’s okay. I can give you a ride home for now.” John reaches out to grasp your arm. “John..” you groan. “It’s not your responsibility.” You mumble. “It’s my fault for trusting my car over night with a lying, cheating, skank, whore roaming around.” You growl, taking a step toward her. John steps forward, pulling you back. “Come on, I’ll take you home Y/N.” John tries to tug you away but you don’t budge. “She’s a big girl John. Let her fight her own battles.” Your dad looks at him. John crosses his arms, looking unimpressed. “Yeah, I wouldn’t let her fight this one. She looks like she’s about to tear your wife’s face off.” John looks at him. “This is none of your business.”
“Y/N is my business now.”
Your dad looks at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks. John can see the little devil in your eyes. “You let your daughter go home with a man twice her age, what do you think that means, hm?” You smirk. His eyes move back and fourth between you and John. He shakes his head. “John wouldn’t do that. He respects me too much.”
“No, I don’t respect you at all after last night and today. You treat your own daughter like shit.”
Your dad looks at him. “Yeah but that doesn’t mean that you’d..” the smirk on your lips. The hint of mischief in John’s eyes. “You slept with my daughter?” Your dad is fuming. John swipes his hand off on his jeans. “Yeah. I fucked her. Took her virginity actually. Made her cum all over my cock. And you know what my favorite thing is actually?” He pauses. “When I fuck her again, tonight. I’m gonna make her call me daddy too.” Your dad is still fuming. “You mother-“ your step mom stops him. “It’s okay, just forget about her.” She mumbles. “Cmon John.” You grasp his arm, finally pulling him away. You both get into his truck.
John drives for a minute, pulling off of the road onto a back road, where nobody can see anything. You’re silent for the whole ride, and after he parks, you finally take a deep breath. “Holy fuck I can’t believe that.” You say, eyes wide. “Yeah I know.. I took it too far I shouldn’t have said that.” He sighs. “Are you serious?” You look at him. A laugh leaving your lips. “We finally put them in their place.” You laugh. “What you said? Was so fucking hot.” You say, still in shock. John laughs. You look at him, moving over the center console to straddle his hips, smashing your lips to his. He grasps your hips. You rock your hips into his, desperate for his cock again. He shoves his foot into the metal pedal, his seat sliding all of the way back with a cranking noise. He’s kissing you back with just as much force as you’re kissing him with, his hand grasping on your shirt and squeezing you into him as tight as he can. You have your hands wrapped around his neck, and he pushes your shorts down your legs, the ones you had on the day before. He unzips his jeans, pulling his cock through the hole. You hover over him, sinking down onto him with a moan. His mouth muffles it. When you pull away, rocking your hips into him, he relaxes. Letting the pleasure take over. “Oh fuck yeah baby-“ he gasps. You’re bouncing your hips into him faster, leaning in to kiss him as hard as you did before. He’s moaning into your lips, thinking about how dirty this is. However he got himself in this situation, he’s happy. You make him feel young again, so fucking crazy. You pull away, resting your forehead against his. Panting hard as you keep a steady pace. You moan out. Tilting your head back. “Fuck-“ he reaches down, rubbing his thumb over your clit. “Say it.” He mumbles. “Hm?” You ask. “Say it.” He pants. His hand connects with your bare ass in a harsh slap. “Say what I want you to say baby..” he smirks. You blush hard, “Daddy…” you pant. He bites his lip. Tilting his head into the seat behind him. “Fuuuck.. that’s so fucking hot princess.” He groans. You lean into him again. And he looks at you. “Fuck.. I love you.” He breathes. Chest heaving. His eyes widen after he says it, he doesn’t mean to. You kiss him again, steadily rocking your hips into him.
He’s right at his peak, and he knows you are too. “I love you too.” You say it when you pull away and the sparks that shoot through him, it’s too much. He’s right there, so close. He starts to lift his hips up into you, groaning out. “Oh fuck- Daddy!” You cry out. “Yes baby, I know you’re so close. Cum for me.” He breathes. “Cum on my dick again baby-“ he’s breathing so hard, it feels so good. He feels like he’s about to pass out. “Daddy- yes! So close. So so close.” He tears a cry from your throat as you reach your high, eyes shutting tightly and he moans out, jumping back as your pussy milks his cock of everything he has to give you. Flinching as you rock your hips into him once for good measure. You rest your head on his chest, and he runs a soothing hand over your back. The both of you still breathing so hard.
He wraps his hands around your waist, pulling you close to him. “Hey, look at me.” He mumbles. You lift your head, eyes drowsy. “Do you mean it?” He asks. “What?” You ask. “Do you love me?”
You blush, looking down. “John.. I’ve been in love with you. For years.” You mumble. “You’re sure it’s no crush?” He asks. “No, it’s no crush. I’m in love with you, John. Have been.” You mumble. He pushes your hair behind your ear. “I love you too. And I can take care of you baby. You can come live with me, I’ll make sure you have everything you need.” He breathes. You smile. “John, I can’t leach off of you like that. It’s no fair.” He rolls his eyes, lifting his hips to adjust himself, earning a gasp from you. “Leach? No. I want to take care of you baby. You’re a princess, you deserve nice things. You deserve to be treated with respect. Let me take care of you. Help you get through school.” He smiles. You blush, kissing him again. “I’ll help you get your car back, we can start moving your things this weekend. I want you. Forever. And I’ll never ever let anyone come between you and I. Not ever. I’ll never treat you the way everyone else does.” He holds your head against his. “Promise?” You raise your pinky up and he takes it with a smile. “I promise. Now Cmon.” You smile. “Okay, Daddy.” You smirk. He swats your ass playfully making you jump into him. “Ah!” You giggle, sliding off of him. He groans out as you do. You slide your shorts back on, climbing off of him and back into his passenger seat.
How you went from a shitty family barbecue to this? You’ll never understand.
5K notes · View notes
wheeboo · 10 days
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pulse points | wen junhui
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SYNOPSIS. Being the TA for your anatomy class has always been really rewarding, especially stemming in your passion for the medical field. But as it’s approaching the peak of the school semester and labs have gotten more intense, you aren’t surprised to be dedicating your time to tutoring your strangely handsome, dorky, yet enigmatic classmate during after school hours — and reassuring him how to not be afraid of dissections. PAIRING. wen junhui x TA!reader (ft. performance unit as jun's roommates + mentions of wonwoo and jihoon) GENRE. fluff, classmates to lovers, humour WARNINGS/TAGS. unrealistic TA x student dynamics lmao, lots of medical sciency-anatomy talk, talks about dissections n cutting into things (they dissect a sheep brain), mentions of tools used for dissections, yn is wayyy too studious its a bit unhealthy perhaps, their love language is napping together n sharing food :(, alcohol and drinking (yn gets drunk 😣), they flirt in the middle of a damn dissection AHHAHA WORD COUNT. 15.9k
notes: this is my fic for the "back to school" collab hosted by @camandemstudios! i hope u all enjoy <3 was lowkey hating this fic as i wrote it but... i think it turned out fine?!?! thank you to all my moots, specifically @bananabubble @slytherinshua @etherealyoungk and the collab discord server for either helping me w ideas n brainrot or reading over the fic!! love u all to the stars and back <3
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Three dollars is not enough for Jun to buy himself lunch. 
He could probably snag himself a stale, English muffin from the dining hall, but then he’d be walking around campus with a dry tongue until after his classes end. And unsurprisingly, he forgot his water bottle back in his apartment. Briefly, he considers texting Soonyoung or Minghao to perhaps drop by the apartment and grab his water bottle or even a quick snack that’ll last him, but the two of them were already knee deep enough of responsibilities of their own. 
Fucking capitalism. 
He’s already out of breath speed walking all the way from across campus and through four different hallways. The large windows of the science building bring in the natural sunlight at the peak of the afternoon, allowing it to cascade across the polished floors and right to the ends of his feet with every step that he takes. 
Jun purses his lips together tightly as he rounds one last corner before arriving in front of his current class: Anatomy. The quick glance at the time displayed on his phone shows that he’s around eight minutes late, which is way better than the fifteen minutes from last week. His shoulders slouch slightly with a bit of dread as he reaches for the doorknob and pulls it open.
Compared to the beginning of the year, there’s more empty seats in the lecture hall now. Honestly, Jun is surprised he hasn’t dropped out of the class yet, because his grade in all honesty isn’t… the best, to put it simply𑁋he’s passing, somehow, but just barely.
But he simply can’t afford to drop it and take on a new class like a snap of a finger, and he knows that if he bails now, he’ll only be prolonging his graduation date, a situation neither his parents nor his bank account would be happy about. He wasn’t even supposed to be in this class in the first place, but his horrible procrastination habits and the fact that the other classes he wanted filled up so quickly left him with no other choice.
Jun sits down in a seat near the back of the class, trying to blend in and hoping the professor won’t notice his tardiness. He swiftly pulls out his notebook and laptop and redirects his focus to the front of the classroom, where he sees Professor Lee already lecturing something about vascular anatomy and blood circulation, motioning towards the slideshow displayed on the screen. 
“…the brachiocephalic trunk branches off the aortic arch, which divides into the right subclavian artery and the right common carotid artery. These arteries supply blood to the arm and the brain, respectively…”
The words seem to flow through his brain like water. Even when he jots them down in his notes for him to study later, he reads the words like hieroglyphics. Perhaps it’s the hunger getting to him or just the mounting stress, but the lecture feels like it’s slipping through his fingers.
By the time Professor Lee finishes with the lecture, he has five pages of notes that feel like a jumble of terms and diagrams.
However, just as he thought he might finally catch a break, the slideshow switches to the next slide. 
“Now, let’s discuss the final major lab that will be crucial for your grades,” Professor Lee explains, a determined look on his face. “Your dissections that you will be finishing the year off with. I’m letting you all know about these in advance so you would have plenty of time to prepare.”
Jun’s stomach drops. Dissections. Of course, he knew it was coming, as it was quite literally listed in eye-catching bold letters in the syllabus at the beginning of the term. Yet the thought of cutting into anything and seeing its insides makes him almost squeamish. 
“This will account for a significant portion of your final grade. I can’t stress enough how important it is to take this seriously. Remember that dissections aren’t just about retaining names and locations in the body. They’re about seeing the relationships between different structures and understanding how they function together in real life.”
Every fibre of his being is aching for him to raise his hand and stupidly refute. He imagines what he’d say𑁋“I’m not good with blood,” or “Is there another activity I could do because I’m absolutely scared shitless?”𑁋but the words stick in his throat. Instead, he slouches further in his seat, hoping to disappear. He weighs all of his options, but they’re all equally unappealing: he can’t drop the class, he can’t afford to fail, and he certainly can’t magically become proficient at dissections overnight.
“Since the class has an uneven amount of students and the limited amount of specimens we have, I’ve decided to pair you all up. Y/N, may you hand out the partner lists?”
Jun feels himself tense in his seat as his eyes scan the room and land on you. Not only are you the TA of the class, but your seemingly calm demeanour as you drift throughout the room handing each student paperwork makes you appear almost intimidating to his eyes. 
When you finally reach him, he swears he catches a glimpse of a slight curl to your lips as you silently hand him the slip of paper that contains his partner assignment, before walking down to the next person. 
At first, the paper essentially states the same information that was discussed earlier: the dissection assignment, guidelines, and a list of required materials. But then his gaze falls to the part that matters most: his partner's name.
Y/N L/N, it reads. You’re his partner. Shit.
Your calm, composed attitude and role as the TA have already set a high bar for expectations in his mind. You’re probably going to be hyperanalysing and dissecting every aspect of his class performance, knowing his poor little heart wouldn’t be able to handle all that. You probably already have this tarnished reputation of him in your mind, with his frequent tardiness and the amount of times he’s dozed off in class.
Jun glances around the lecture hall, noticing other students exchanging whispers and glances at their own partner assignments. Some seem relieved, while others look as apprehensive as he feels. His stomach churns with the thought of having to work closely with you.
Professor Lee clears his throat and speaks, “Now that you all know your partners, I request that you all sit next to each other. These will be your seats starting from today and until the lab finishes. I also strongly encourage you all to exchange contact information with each other. Your collaboration together will be vital to your success in this lab.”
As the students shuffle around, Jun finds himself stuck in an uncomfortable limbo, watching as everyone pairs up and settles into their new seats, naturally exchanging contact information with one another. Then he shuffles for his backpack that was leaning against his chair in order to go find where you sit, but as he’s about to stand up, he’s met with you taking a seat right next to him.
Your eyes meet. A faint smile crosses your features. His backpack slips off his shoulders and falls to the floor with a dramatic thump.
“Hi,” You greet him softly, before offering a hand to him. “Granola bar? Had an extra one.”
Jun just blinks, eyes flickering between your face and the hand you have extended out to him. Then he awkwardly clears his throat, tentatively reaching out to grab the granola bar from your grasp, and the warmth emitting from your hand seems to crawl up his neck. 
“Thanks,” he mutters sheepishly, shifting his gaze away to hide a small upturn to the corners of his lips. 
The rest of class passes by in a blur, mainly with Professor Lee going over proper attire to wear and safety protocols for the dissection labs. And when the clock strikes dismissal time, students begin to filter out of the lecture hall, chatting amongst themselves as Jun struggles to stuff his laptop inside his backpack. 
You’re already gone to the front to talk to Professor Lee when Jun looks over. He watches as you hand in what looks like a stack of paper, only to be given another one right back, probably of assignments that the class has done lately. The air of professionalism that surrounds you is quite admirable, he would say. 
You seem to exchange a few more words with Professor Lee before turning on your heel to leave the lecture hall, the stack of papers neatly held under your arm.
By the time Jun is already on his way to his next class, he pulls the granola bar that you had given him out from the pocket of his jeans, unwrapping it and taking a bite out of it, savouring the moment as it relieves his nerves and gnawing hunger. 
Then by the time finishes his last class for the day, reality hits him the second he steps out of the building. Figuratively, and maybe even literally, at this point. 
He forgot to get your number for this lab.
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The click of your pen echoes throughout the vast lecture hall. Unintelligible mutters leave your lips as your eyes quickly scan over the papers in front of you with ease. Among the many tasks you have assigned as TA, grading assignments is one of them, and you find yourself marking and correcting each paper just as you’ve done many times before. 
There used to be rumours floating around that your grading style was particularly strict, even more so than Professor Lee. Though it was probably spread around with the intention to intimidate other students and establish your reputation as someone annoyingly meticulous, you hardly let it get to you. 
The truth is, you were fair in your grading, but thorough. You didn’t see the point in letting half-baked work slide, especially when you knew these assignments could determine someone’s future. Medicine has been your passion for as long as you could remember, and that dedication extended into almost everything you did. Being the TA for the class was just one factor of it. 
It’s much, much quieter after school hours when most classes have finished for the day, and it’s natural to bask in the peacefulness that drifts throughout the barren room. You sort out the papers in front of you in a neat stack before taking a moment to stretch your arms up above your head, a soft sigh leaving you at the tension dissipating away from your limbs. 
As you begin to shuffle through all the papers in front of you𑁋separating them into piles of graded assignments and unfinished ones that you’ll save for later on𑁋there’s a quiet knock at the door that makes you pause in place. You turn your head towards the door, anticipating for someone to come in. 
Then another knock.
You swear you see some sort of shadow in the door window. It appears then disappears, and you  roll your eyes, thinking it was just someone who was lost or purposely going around knocking on each door (which has happened way more than one could expect). 
The shadow appears again, and this time, you decide on heading to the door yourself. And as you twist the doorknob and pull the door open simultaneously, you find yourself coming face-to-face with Jun, who looks a bit sheepish as he’s caught mid-knock. His eyes widen upon seeing you right in front of him, and he brings his hand down to his side. 
You blink up at him, not expecting for him to be here at this moment of the day.
“Junhui?” 
It’s at this point of his life that Jun realises he really isn’t used to people calling him by his proper first name. But the way you say it is different𑁋soft and warm, like an unexpected compliment.
“Uh, hi,” he greets a tad bit awkwardly, mentally slapping himself in the face. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything?” 
“Oh, no, you’re not. Don’t worry,” You tell him reassuringly, catching the way his eyes seem to flicker everywhere but on you. “Is there anything I can help you with?” 
Jun fidgets slightly, his gaze bouncing between the floor and your face. He takes a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. “Actually, I... um, forgot to get your number earlier today. For… for the lab, I mean. Professor Lee said we should exchange information so I thought I would ask. Unless you don’t want to, of course.”
You raise an eyebrow, a hint of a smile playing at your lips. “Ah, I see. No problem. I’m glad you came by to get it. Here, let me just𑁋”
You shove into your back pocket to retrieve your phone, only to feel that it wasn’t there. Then you glance over to your desk, seeing it sitting next to your abundance of papers, before returning back to Jun.
You shove a hand into your back pocket to retrieve your phone, only to feel that it wasn’t there. Then you glance over to your desk, seeing it sitting next to your abundance of papers, before returning back to Jun.
“Here, you can come in. Let me just get my phone real quick.” You step to the side and open the door wider for him.
Jun visibly hesitates in the doorway, before muttering a quiet thank you and stepping inside the lecture hall. It’s certainly a sight to see the room so stripped of other students besides you and him, the sounds of his footsteps bouncing off the walls. He takes in the stacks of papers that you have spread across your desk, and he feels some nerves snake their way up his spine at the thought of you grading his work.
“Wow, that looks like a lot,” he comments gingerly. 
“Yeah, it’s quite the pile, right?” You agree with a light chuckle as you grab your phone and unlock it. “Always happens near the end of the sem.” 
Jun’s eyes wash over you with a look of concern. “That seems… stressful.”
You just shrug nonchalantly. “It’s nothing I can’t handle. Besides, it keeps me busy.” 
“Well, you should get some good rest after this then,” he remarks coolly. 
“Wish I could, but I have some tutoring scheduled in about half an hour,” You say, tone warm but tinged with a hint of weariness as you glance at the time on your phone. “One of the students in the intro biology class needs help with some of the basics before their midterm. So… rest will have to wait.”
From that, Jun shifts awkwardly, his fingers playing with the strap of his backpack. His brain races as he considers his options. You’re clearly knowledgeable and dedicated, not to mention you seem approachable, but the thought of admitting how much he’s struggling makes his throat dry, plus the guilt of adding more to your busy plate. 
“Tutoring, huh?” Jun finally says, trying to sound casual. “Is that… something you do a lot?”
You nod, tapping away on your phone as you pull up your contact information. “Yeah, actually. It’s nice to help people out. Keeps me up with the material too. Usually I’m free most days at any time after classes.”
Jun continues to gaze at you wonderingly until after you pick up your head to look at him, to which he faces away immediately. He scratches the back of his neck bashfully, before fixing his posture and clearing his throat.
“Do you… have room for one more student?” Then he feels the immediate regret afterwards. “It’s okay if not. I know that you’re busy and all that𑁋”
“Junhui,” You interrupt gently, a calm smile on your face. “I have room. Don’t worry about it.
He lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, the reassuring warmth on your face easing the knots in his stomach. “Really? You wouldn’t mind?”
“I’d be more than happy to find a time that works for us both. Just let me know what you need, and we’ll figure a time out. We’re lab partners, after all,” You say gleefully. “Speaking of which, you can put your number in here.”
You extend an arm with your phone in-hand. Jun takes the phone from your hand, his fingers brushing against yours for a brief moment, and types in his phone number and information. When he hands the phone back, he looks up to meet your eyes, trying to muster a more confident expression.
“Thank you so much, really, I…” His voice trails off for a moment, trying to regain his words. “I’ll owe you one for this, truly.” 
“There’s no need.”
Jun shakes his head. “Seriously, I’ll feel bad.”
You bite at your bottom lip in thought, an endearing look washing over your features as you consider his insistence. The pleading in his eyes is hard to ignore, and it makes your heart soften in your chest. You take a moment to think before offering a small, playful grin.
“Alright.” You cross your arms together. “We’ll see.” 
Perhaps… you aren’t as intimidating as he thinks.
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Jun is staring at a sheep brain. 
Not a real one𑁋a picture of one, specifically. It’s apparently very similar to the human brain, and the specimen he’s expected to dissect for the upcoming lab. 
He stares at the image displayed on the large screen right before his eyes, feeling a strange mix of fascination and dread. The detailed structures and labels are overwhelming, each word swimming in and out of focus as he tries to absorb the information. It's not that he isn't interested𑁋on the contrary, there's a part of him that's genuinely curious about how it all works, and the other part of him is utterly disturbed. 
You’re sitting next to him again, just like everyone else is sitting next to their partners, taking notes and even drawing a very rushed outline of the brain on your paper. 
“We have to dissect that…?” Jun whispers under his breath, as if speaking any louder might bring the brain to life. 
“Yep,” You reply, glancing over at Jun. “It’s not as bad as it looks.”
Jun attempts to stifle a groan, eyes going between the image on the screen and down to his near-empty notes. He can’t help but wonder how on earth he’s going to get through this without completely embarrassing himself.
Letting your eyes roam over Jun for a moment, the visible discomfort in the way he crosses his arms together and the furrow in his brow doesn’t escape your notice. Casually, you scoot your chair towards him a little bit, along with your notebook so that it’s settled in the space between the two of you with the outline of the brain clearly visible on the page. Your shoulder almost brushes against his. 
“Here,” You say softly, tapping your pen on the page. “I’ve got the main structures labeled already. You can add them to your notes if you want. I can explain it to you in more detail when you come to tutoring tomorrow?”
Oh, that’s right. Tomorrow is the day you both were free and decided it was the day where Jun could stop by after classes end to have his first tutoring session with you. 
“Yeah, uh, that would be great,” Jun responds quietly, peeking over at how neat and organised your notes appeared to be. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” You nod, before soundlessly shuffling inside your bag and extending it out to Jun. “Granola bar?” 
Jun glances at the granola bar being offered by you, its wrapper crinkling slightly as you hold it out to him. He smiles, a little lopsided but genuine, and takes the bar from you. The hesitation in his shoulders has deflated slightly than from the first time you proposed one to him. 
Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.
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“Bro, are you going out on a date or what? You’re stinking up a storm here.” Soonyoung lets out a few dramatic coughs at the sudden sharp scent of Minghao’s perfume hitting his nose, followed by Chan behind him nearly gagging at the smell. Though obviously one would expect for the owner himself to be the one using it, he certainly didn’t expect for the culprit to be none other than Jun.
Okay, yes, he may have accidentally sprayed a shit ton of Minghao’s perfume on himself, which was a bit of an overkill. But he clearly wasn’t thinking straight after waking up from a nap between deciding to take a really quick shower or stealing his roommate’s expensive perfume. 
“You think this is too much?” Jun asks unsurely. 
Beside him, Chan rolls his eyes while clutching a bowl of ramen. “You smell like you’re trying to cover up a crime scene. It might suffocate someone. Where are you even going anyway?”
Jun clears his throat. “Tutoring𑁋”
“Tutoring?!” Soonyoung exclaims in surprise. “For which class?”
“Anatomy𑁋”
“Hell no,” Soonyoung crinkles his nose at the mention of anatomy. “You're telling me you’re getting all dolled up for a tutoring session on dissecting brains and guts? Are you trying to seduce the organs or something?” 
Jun groans at his roommate’s words, shaking his head. But before he can say anything in response, Chan seems to beat him to it.
“Don’t you have this really strict TA in your class too? I’ve heard that they don’t even offer partial credit or crack a smile during lectures. Like, they’re just a machine, dude,” the youngest adds in.
It’s quite literally insane to hear that kind of description about you leave Chan’s mouth when all of his interactions with you have been nothing but short and sweet, to put it simply. Though he won’t deny he’s heard all those rumours spread around about you𑁋that you’re strict, and perhaps a bit intimidating. He’s had his fair share of moments where he felt overwhelmed by your grading and meticulous nature. Yet from what he’s seen of you so far, you’re passionate, friendly if anything, and your smile is… cute. 
Jun only shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah, they’re in my class, but I’m just trying to get my grade up before the year ends. I think I can handle them.” 
Soonyoung huffs a breath, stepping up to Jun and giving him some sort of comforting pat on the back, almost like he feels bad for him. 
“Well, good luck, dude,” he reassures him, though it hardly eases Jun’s nerves at all. “Don’t get crucified in there.” 
As Jun wanders down the familiar hallway to the classroom, he finds his thoughts beginning to second-guess everything. What if he ultimately fails meeting your expectation at the end of the session? What if he struggles to fully grasp the material and ends up looking like an absolute fool in front of you by the time the real dissections roll around? 
However, those thoughts are pushed away when the door to the classroom swings open before he has the opportunity to knock, with you standing on the other side. Your face seems to light up at the sight of him, and it makes Jun briefly think about what Soonyoung said earlier about you. Like… was he talking about the same person?
“Hey, you made it,” You greet him, stepping aside so he could walk in. “Let me just finish organising some things and we can start.” 
Jun’s eyelashes bat together in curiosity as he watches you rummage through some papers, before deciding it's worth sitting down to wait for you. He places himself down an empty desk, fishing out his notebook and laptop and whatever he may need, though he doesn’t really know. By the time you’re making your way over to him, you set your stuff right next to his. 
“Okay.” You let out a relieved breath, peering at him. “Where do you want to start?” 
Oh, he hadn’t really thought that far ahead yet.
“Uh,” Jun stammers, fumbling for a moment, his mind suddenly drawing blanks. He quickly opens his notebook to the page where he had jotted down some half-baked notes during class and is staring back at him like a puzzle missing half its pieces. “Maybe… maybe we can start with what we’re going over in class right now? And just go down from there?”
“We can do that,” You agree without hesitation, leaning in more so that you were able to see his notes. Jun draws himself slightly back. “So, as you know, we’re going to have to be familiar with the parts and functions of the brain since it’s also part of the dissections. What I like to do is break it down into smaller sections and tackle each one individually. It might make the whole thing less overwhelming.”
Jun just nods, appreciating the way you’re making things more approachable. 
You grab a blank sheet of paper and draw a quick, simple outline of the brain, labeling the major parts with clear, concise notes. “Let’s go over the basics𑁋the cerebrum, cerebellum, and brainstem. These are the main regions we need to understand before diving into all the nitty-gritty details. Is that okay?”
He nods again, moving back slightly closer so he can see what you’re drawing. 
“The cerebrum is the largest part of the brain and is responsible for higher brain functions like thinking, reasoning, and sensory processing,” You continue, pointing to the relevant part of your drawing. “It’s divided into the left and right hemispheres, and each one controls the opposite side of the body.”
Jun watches as you explain, occasionally nodding to show he’s following along. There’s something calming about the way you speak𑁋gentle, but confident, filled with poise. He tries to shake off the thought, reminding himself that he’s here to study, not to admire the way your eyes light up when you speak so passionately about a topic as ridiculous and complex as the damn brain. 
You’re so different from what people say. There’s no sign of the strict, no-nonsense TA everyone talks about. 
“...and that’s why the frontal lobe is so important for decision-making and problem-solving. I like comparing it to, let’s say, a CEO,” You explain. “It’s where a lot of our executive functions happen. Think of it as the brain’s ‘boss’ making the big decisions and planning.”
Jun blinks for a moment, snapping back to attention, quickly jotting down a note to make it seem like he was paying attention. He actually was, sort of. Somehow he’s lucky enough for you to not notice him being distracted (or you do, and he’s the one who didn’t notice). 
“Frontal lobe, right,” he mutters lowly, under his breath.
“The cerebellum is our little assistant to the CEO. It’s responsible for our movement, coordination, and balance,” You say, pointing to a spot on the sketch at the very back of the brain and above the brainstem. “Think of it as the brain’s quality control. It just makes sure that whatever movements we do are smooth and precise, so…” 
Nope. He still can’t detect those rumours that paint you as some sort of cold, calculated, and harsh TA. He spots not a single one of those in your demeanour. Briefly, he wonders whether or not those rumours bother you, if they’ve ever bothered you or made you feel misunderstood. Swiftly, though, he brushes those thoughts away𑁋he’s more focused on you than the material at hand. 
It’s hard not to look at you, in all honesty. 
“Junhui?” Your voice pulls him back to reality.
“Huh?” he responds, a little too quickly.
You tilt your head slightly, a small, knowing smile on your lips. “I asked if you’re ready to move on to the brainstem, or do you want to go over the cerebellum again?”
“Oh, um… no, I’m good,” he says, feeling his face heat up slightly. He hopes you don’t notice how flustered he is. “Let’s move on.”
You nod, satisfied with his answer, and continue your explanation, turning your attention to the next section of the brain. 
“The brainstem,” You begin, pointing to an area at the bottom of the brain with the pencil. “is like the brain's relay station. It connects the brain to the spinal cord and controls many of the body’s automatic functions, like breathing, heart rate, and digestion. Without it, our bodies wouldn't be able to function properly…”
Jun observes as you draw a line down the sketch, clearly marking the brainstem. He’s listening, or at least trying to, but his mind keeps drifting back to how comfortable this whole situation feels. He expected to be a nervous wreck, fumbling through explanations and possibly embarrassing himself in front of you. But instead, he finds himself oddly at ease, more focused on how you’re able to break down the complex information into something so much more digestible.
“Still with me?” You ask suddenly, looking up from your notes to meet his gaze.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m here,” Jun answers unsurely, sitting up a little straighter in his seat. He offers a small smile, hoping it masks his earlier distraction.
A flicker of amusement flashes in your eyes, and there’s a warmth in your expression that puts Jun further at ease. “Okay, great. We can continue then.”
The rest of the session goes by surprisingly rather quickly. You guide Jun through the material, your explanations helping Jun absorb the information more effectively than the regular in-class lectures. It makes him think about how great you would be as a professor, or anything in the medical field. Everything just seems to flow out of you seamlessly as you discuss various brain functions and their relevance to anatomy and dissections.
As Jun is finishing up the last of some notes, you ask, “Would you mind if I write you a little sticky note? To tell you what to look over when you’re reviewing on your own?” 
Jun looks up, a bit surprised but grateful. “That would be good, thank you.” 
You stand up to retrieve a sticky note from Professor’s Lee desk, before returning back to Jun and writing down: 
Review over neuroanatomy and its functions! •ᴗ•  
Finally, you plaster the sticky note at the corner of the page in his notebook. 
There’s a comfortable silence that follows as you both gather your belongings. It feels like a small victory for Jun𑁋he not only survived the session but actually, in a way, enjoyed it.
As you both stand up, ready to leave, you glance over at him.
“By the way, I don’t think you need all that perfume on,” You say, a hint of laughter in your voice.
Jun’s eyes widen, caught off-guard. Shit. “Oh, uh𑁋yeah, that…”
You chuckle softly, shaking your head. “It’s not that it’s bad, it’s just… a little overwhelming. Maybe tone it down next time?”
Jun’s face flushes as he scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “Sorry, I uh… was rushing and just grabbed what I could find. I didn’t mean to overdo it.”
“You’re all good,” You reassure him, still smiling as you sling your bag over your shoulder. “Just a little heads-up. So, anyway, for the next session…”
Next session? His jaw nearly drops to the floor at your casual mention of a next session. 
“...I think I’ll try and set up a little lesson plan we can reference off of… probably review over the cardiovascular system…”
“You… You don’t have to do all that,” Jun interjects. “It sounds like a lot of work.” 
You dismiss him off with a reassuring wave. “It’s no trouble. I think it’ll help to have a structured plan for us to follow. It’ll make sure we cover everything orderly.” 
Jun zips his mouth shut and just nods in agreement, unable to hide the small smile tugging at the corners of his lips, biting it back when he hangs his head down to the ground. When he perks back up, he finds you over at Professor Lee’s desk, sorting through some papers before organising the stack and preparing to finally leave. He opens his mouth, but the words he wanted to say stick to his tongue.
“I’ll see you later?” Jun calls out to you instead, his voice bouncing off the walls of the lecture hall. 
You glance up at him in acknowledgment. “I’ll see you later, Junhui.”
He takes a visible gulp.
“Jun,” he suddenly says, saying it as if he were correcting you, which in a way, he is, but it comes out a bit awkwardly. “You can call me just Jun, if you’d like.” 
A wave of surprise washes over your features, before ultimately fading into a pleasant smile.
“Alright, Just Jun,” You reply, tilting your head slightly. “I’ll see you later.” 
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One could probably say you’re a party pooper. Not necessarily intentionally, but instead of filling up your college experience with going to parties and social events, you find yourself buried within pages of textbooks. Your weekends aren’t filled with the chaoticness of drinking and loosening up; rather, they consist of quiet study sessions in your room and creating new lecture material.
You’re not avoiding fun𑁋at least, that’s what you always tell yourself𑁋you’re just focused on achieving your academic goals.
It’s a routine carved ever since you were younger, your parents constantly instilling that education is the key to success, and you’ve taken that message to heart. From an early age, you learned to prioritise your studies over everything else. As you grew older, you carried that mindset with you, where you’ve become known among your peers as the diligent, dependable student and TA who always has their priorities straight.
Your schedule is precise, your assignments are always turned in on time, always prepared for every quiz and exam, and your grades reflect the countless hours you’ve spent studying. It’s a reputation you’re proud of, but it also comes with a certain level of pressure𑁋pressure to maintain those high standards, to never let yourself slip.
You sit back in the seat, satisfied after crafting a proper lesson plan and organising your materials for your next tutoring session. When you glance over at your planner to see who was coming in today, the name that you spot is𑁋
Knock. 
You glance up from your planner and over to the door. “Come in!”
It takes a few moments for the door to swing in, and the tall figure that steps through is unmistakable𑁋light brown hair slightly fluffed out, a half-opened black backpack hanging on his shoulders, and an oversized hoodie that appeared way more comfortable than it needed to be.
“Jun?” You look at the time on your phone. “You’re here early.” 
“Oh, yeah…” Jun runs a hand through his tousled hair. “I thought showing up early could give us some extra time, maybe. Unless… unless you’re still busy?” 
You shake your head. “Don’t worry, you’re fine. Just give me a few minutes and then we can start?”
“Yeah. Take all the time that you need.” 
Once again, it’s only the two of you in the lecture hall. He ponders if you’ve tutored any students before him today, hovering near you as he watches you sort through some papers and adjust your notes. The room is quiet except for the faint rustle of papers and the soft hum of the air conditioning. Jun can sense his curiosity growing within him, making him fidget with the strap of his backpack. 
“So, uh… how long have you been a TA for Professor Lee?” 
You pick your head up from your papers, fingers resting at the edge of the desk. 
“Since the beginning of the year,” You reply. “I got recommended to him by some previous professors, and I guess I couldn’t say no to the opportunity.”
Jun nods slowly, thoughtfully. “Do you like it? Being a TA, I mean.”
You consider his question for a moment, feeling a bit reflective as you answer, “I do, actually. It’s hard but rewarding, you know? I get to help students understand the material better, and I learn a lot in the process too. It’s a good balance between teaching and learning, I would say.”
Jun takes in your words attentively, peeking his eyes toward you with an almost shy smile. There’s a quiet admiration in the way he looks at you that you don’t notice, as if he’s trying to understand how you manage to keep everything together so well. Then a moment of silence fills the space between you two, not uncomfortable, maybe a bit awkward on his end, but more contemplative.
Jun shifts this abominable weight pressing down on him from one foot to the other. He’s not used to being in situations like this𑁋alone with someone who seems so put together, so sure of themselves. It’s both inspiring and a little intimidating. The silence seems to stretch, and you can see the gears turning in his head, like he’s on the verge of saying something but can’t quite find the right words.
“I guess I wonder how you manage it all so well,” he remarks timidly. “You’re always so organised and… on top of things. I’m curious how you do it.”
You purse your lips together into a thin line and simply shrug your shoulders. “I’ve always had high expectations for myself growing up and I guess it’s carried into everything I do now. It’s become second nature, really.” 
As Jun takes in your words, that sense of admiration seems to soften into a bit of worry. It’s amazing that you could handle so many responsibilities at once, but the more he thinks about it, the more it seems like a lot of stress and pressure to manage. He wonders if you ever feel overwhelmed or if it ever gets too much to handle at times. 
You probably do𑁋you’re human, after all𑁋and a twinge of concern snakes up his spine as he thinks about.
“Anyway, hm… I was thinking about going over the cardiovascular system for this session. What do you say?” You ask him.
Jun snaps out of his thoughts, walking briskly over towards the desk to take a seat. “Oh, yeah. That sounds good.” 
The session is just similar to last time: you begin by outlining the cardiovascular system, breaking it down into different sections just as you did with the brain, and using relatable analogies with associating each part with their functions.
“...so the heart has four chambers: the left and right atria plus the left and right ventricles,” You explain, pointing down to the drawing you made with the tip of your pencil. “The right side deals with deoxygenated blood, while the left side handles oxygenated blood. The heart’s valves make sure that blood flows in the correct direction. Think of it like… traffic signals.”
“Traffic signals…” Jun mutters to himself as he writes down notes. Knowing that this is all going on within his own body wraps around his mind uncomfortably.
As you continue explaining, there’s that light again that Jun detects in your eyes, as well as the subtle lift to your lips that makes your voice just a step higher. His gaze also follows your hands that you unknowingly maneuver when you talk, the movements graceful and expressive, like you’re bringing the material to life.
“Are you familiar with where all your pulse points are?” 
Jun lifts a brow, thinking for a second, before taking a finger down to his wrist. “I think so. There’s one here… on the wrist…”
“The radial artery.”
“Radial artery. Yeah.” Then he drags the tip of his finger up to his inner elbow. “There’s also one here. The brachial artery, right?”
“You got it.” 
He grins bashfully at that, though it’s quick to fade when he focuses again, pointing down to his leg. “There’s also two here. Femoral and… pop… Popliteal?”
“You’re right,” You confirm wholeheartedly, and Jun’s heart flutters in small victory. 
Jun then brings his hand back up, using two fingers to point to a spot on his neck. 
“And, uh… The one here on the neck. It’s…” He continues pressing down into his skin to find where he can feel his pulse, but your eyes on him is causing him to feel a bit self-conscious. “Uh…”
“The carotid artery. Right here.”
Before Jun has a chance to correct himself, you’re suddenly scooting closer to him in your chair, leaning in and extending an arm out towards him. The sudden contact of your fingers on the side of his neck makes his eyes widen and his breath to hitch. 
Your fingers rest gently on the side of his neck, just below his jawline, and for a brief moment, the world outside of the lecture hall seems to disappear. The visible swallow of his Adam’s apple isn’t hard to miss as he tries to focus on anything but the sensation of your hand on his neck.
Heat washes over his face, and he swears to himself that you could most definitely feel the way his pulse is running marathons under your touch. All of a sudden his tongue goes dry, his limbs go numb, and the way you’re so close to him makes it hard for him to properly think straight, let alone form any sort of coherent response.
Your eyes meet for a singular millisecond, too quick that Jun could have possibly been imagining it.
Pulling your hand away, you clear your throat soundly. “Try it.”
It takes Jun a moment to register you were talking to him, and he tentatively replaces the spot where your fingers were at with his own.
“Right here?” he asks.
“Mhm.” Your gaze roams over his concentrated face. “Apply a bit of pressure. That’s the carotid artery doing its work.” 
His pulse is certainly fast. The thought has him sinking into a pit of embarrassment. 
But he only nods, keeping his voice steady as he says, “Yeah, I feel it.”
“So whenever you want to count your heart rate, this is one of the places you can check,” You instruct. “You can just press down on that spot and count the number of beats you feel in 15 seconds. Then, multiply that number by four, and you’ll have your heart rate in beats per minute.”
Jun attempts to listen to his heart rate, but the attentive look you have on your face as you watch him makes it really hard to properly count. So he chooses to let his hand fall back down. He wouldn’t be able to calculate it with you here with him anyway. 
When the two of you meet eyes for the nth time, there’s a fleeting, almost electric moment of mutual awareness. None of you acknowledge it, yet it awkwardly lingers in the air. Warmth spreads across Jun’s chest, coupled with a nervous energy that makes his heart beat soar just a little faster.
You break the tension with an airy chuckle. “Are you ready to move on?” 
Jun blinks a few times, shaking off whatever awkwardness swirling around him, and nods quickly. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
By the time he gets back to his apartment later that evening and begins to unpack his things from his backpack, a small piece of pink paper flutters down to the floor like a feather, landing by his foot. It’s a sticky note, reading:
Good sesh today •ᴗ• Don’t forget to review!
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“There’s no way I’m touching a brain.”
“Jun, you have to! You’ll be wearing gloves anyway𑁋”
“I cannot cut into a brain. That is gross,” Jun rebukes defensively, face scrunching up with stubborn refusal. 
“Jun, dissections are really important for anatomy,” You clarify calmly. “It’s part of the learning process.”
“Yeah, I… I know,” he mumbles defeatedly, almost shameful to admit. “I’m not that good with, uh… dead things. Like, couldn’t we look at diagrams or pictures instead? They’re less… squishy.” 
You smile amusedly at that, finding his squeamishness a bit endearing. But you straighten your posture and plaster on a reassuring look to your face. 
“I understand that it’s not for everyone,” You respond, a comforting tone to your voice. “But getting hands-on experience is really valuable. It’s one thing to see it in a book, but actually being able to identify the structures in real life makes a big difference in how you understand the material.”
Jun still looks apprehensive, but your words bring a sparkle of determination to his eyes. The idea of cutting into something that used to be alive still makes his stomach turn and the hairs on the back of his neck stick up, but he knows that you’re right. When are you not right?
“It just feels illegal,” Jun admits uneasily, a shudder running through him at the thought. “I don’t know if I can handle it.”
“That’s what I’m here for, remember?” You lightly nudge him in the arm with your elbow, attempting to lighten the mood. “We’re partners, after all.”
“Yeah, but…” There’s some hesitation, his gaze dropping down to his shoes. He lowers his voice as he speaks, “I want to show you that I’m capable of doing something…”
“Then we’ll start off slow, make you become familiar with everything,” You reason gently. “I know you’re not the only one who feels queasy by it, but you’ll have to face it. Facing your fears can help in conquering them, you know.” 
The corners of Jun’s lips tug up at that, mainly from the fact that you’re able to reassure him this effortlessly. He can’t tell if it’s exactly your words that eases up his nerves or if it’s simply your presence here with him right now thawing away the ice of his fears. Whatever it is, all he can really say is he likes knowing that you genuinely care.
And he likes knowing that you’re right next to him too.
“If I freak out,” he starts. “You’ll promise to help me out?”
Your lips draw into a thin line, a certain playfulness softening the features of your face. 
“No promises, but𑁋”
“Hey!”
“Study what we discussed today and then I’ll consider it.” There’s still a twinge of tease to your words, but the edges are roughened with a touch of sincerity. 
Jun just grins. How could anyone ever make up ridiculous rumours about you?
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“Good game, man. Same time again next Saturday?”
Jun huffs out a winded breath, dabbing at the sweat that clings to his forehead with the edge of his shirt before taking a long chug out of the water bottle that Wonwoo tosses over to him. 
“Yeah. I’ll see you then,” he replies exhaustedly, taking another tip of water, feeling his muscles aching from the game. 
As his friends leave the basketball court, he starts to retrieve his own belongings, slinging his backpack and hoodie over his shoulder and starting his walk towards the bus stop so he could go back home. The sun has completely set at this point, the night sky now blanketing the city in a cool, comfortable darkness. The breeze that floats through the air relieves some of the tension in his body, cooling his skin after the intense game. Jun walks slowly, taking his time on the way to the bus stop, simply savouring the peacefulness of the evening.
He considers getting food for himself𑁋there’s a small convenience store that he spots at the corner of his eye, and his stomach rumbles at the thought. 
He changes direction and heads toward the store, the faint jingling of the door chime greeting him as he steps inside. The store is a cozy, cluttered space with a mix of snacks, drinks, and other essentials. He decides on grabbing a cold drink and some instant ramen that he can heat up when he gets home. And after purchasing, he heads back outside and continues his way to the bus stop.
Tapping his bus card on the scanner, Jun makes his way toward the back of the bus and settles into a seat closest to the window, the seat right next to him vacant. The bus was mostly empty, but everyone else was spread out in their own seats either dozing off, listening to music, or staring out the window. It’s quite nice, he must say.
The sounds of him crumpling his bag fills the still air of the bus as he waits for the bus to move, but the hissing of the doors opening perks his attention up. 
Out of all things, he certainly never expected to see the sight of you breathlessly climbing onto the bus, muttering apologies towards the bus driver as you scramble for your bus card in your wallet. Your backpack is about to slip off your shoulder, cheeks flushed from assuming all the running you did to get here, and a mask of tiredness that you wear on your face that isn’t hard to notice. Were you at campus? It’s almost ten at night. 
And out of all things, he didn’t expect for you to come over to him among the many empty seats in the bus. 
“Hey,” You greet him breathlessly, glancing down at the empty seat next to him. “Are you fine with me sitting here?” 
Jun blinks, before speedily adjusting himself, forcing his body more into the seat so you would have all the room that you wanted. He gives you a nod. 
Smiling faintly, you sit down right next to him, shoulder brushing against his. You settle your backpack on your lap and lean back a bit, finally allowing yourself to relax. The bus lurches, beginning to move forward. Jun lets his eyes wash over you.
“Did… you just come from campus?” he asks. 
You laugh awkwardly at that. “Yeah, I… I was studying.”
“You study this late at night on campus?”
“I do.” It’s a bit funny admitting that, you don’t know why. “Sorta lost track of time, I guess.” 
Jun keeps a fixed look on you, as if there was some anomaly within your words, but he knows you’re telling the truth. He just can’t believe that anyone would stay on campus so late, plus you look way too tired, like you could pass out any second. Some worry flows down his body. 
“That sounds… exhausting,” he says, concern edging his voice. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 
You glance at him, eyes softening slightly. There’s something about him asking that tugs at your heart. “I’m fine. It’s not unusual for me to be up late studying. I’m used to it.”
Jun feels his fingers twitch around the bag in his grasp. “I see.”
You let your head fall slightly. “Thank you though.”
He faces you curiously. “For what?”
“Just…” For being here? For asking if I’m okay? “I don’t know. Thank you.”
He doesn’t know why you’re thanking him; if anything he should be the one thanking you.
“Oh.” A small smile appears on his lips. “You’re welcome.”
He feels weird. Not in a bad sense𑁋far from that, actually. It’s basically his first time ever interacting with you that isn’t on school grounds, and in a way right now, he isn’t the student and you’re not the TA. He’s simply Jun, and you are… well, you. You’re just two people sharing a late bus ride, and Jun is oddly grateful for the chance to see this side of you𑁋tired, a little vulnerable, but still yourself nonetheless.
The bus rumbles lightly. Silence swirling the air around the two of you. Jun glances at your profile, noticing how your eyes flutter shut for a brief second before snapping open again. His fingers twitch again, wanting to do something more𑁋maybe offer you his jacket, or ask if you need anything𑁋but he holds himself back.
The thought of pushing himself to exhaustion like that feels foreign. But he knows you well enough𑁋or at least, he’s seen you enough𑁋to know you’re driven, always working hard, sometimes too hard. He doesn’t know how to tell you that it’s okay to slow down.
“Y/N?” he calls out quietly.
You face him with a cute, sleepy look. “Hm?”
“You’re falling asleep.”
You giggle lazily at that, the sound unguarded and relaxed. “Sorry.” 
“It’s okay,” he says softly. “You can close your eyes. When’s your stop?”
Gazing at the window for a few moments, you take note of the familiar surroundings that the bus passes by. “It should be the next one.” 
Before you can settle back into the seat, Jun quickly adds, suddenly feeling brave, “You can… lean on my shoulder if you want.”
You hesitate for a moment, then give him a drowsy, grateful smile. “I think I’d like that.”
With a sigh, you allow your head to rest against his shoulder, and Jun could only imagine how uncomfortable his own shoulder might be compared to a pillow, but he doesn’t mind, and neither do you as well𑁋at least he thinks you don’t.
Your eyes are closed when Jun leans down to sneak a glance at your face, your features softened with exhaustion. There’s the faintest sight of a smile to your lips, and it makes his own curve up slightly too. His heart stirs in his chest, all while attempting to fully compose himself so you wouldn’t be disturbed. 
As his eyes drift back outside, he leans his own head on the window, watching the cityscape pass by. There’s fatigue crawling up his body too, but he forces himself to stay awake so that he knows when your stop is approaching. He casts glimpses down to you to make sure you’re still comfortable, but every time he looks at you, his heart seems to do a little jump, a little flutter in his chest. 
Jun knows he shouldn’t hope for anything more than this moment, knows he shouldn’t let himself fall into dreams of what-ifs, but he can’t help it. Admitting to himself that he likes you is bizarre, almost too bold for him to fully accept. Yet here you are, leaning against him, breathing softly in your dazed state as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. 
And maybe, just maybe, he thinks, it could be.
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You could tell there was something off about Jun today, and it seems to bother you a little more than you expect. 
He just didn’t seem to be… paying attention. You would explain something to him, and he’d reply with a small hum of acknowledgment before drifting off into a bit of a daydreaming state. Perhaps his mind was clouded and it wasn’t your place to ask, or maybe he was just tired. Regardless, you knew that it wouldn’t get either of you progress through this tutoring session, especially when you’re trying to instruct him about what to expect for the dissections.
“Jun?” You snap your finger in front of his face, and he immediately perks up. “You got all that down?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry, the probe…” He trails off, looking a bit lost. “Uh, can you repeat it?”
“The probe is used to explore and identify different anatomical structures,” You explain slowly. “But remember to be careful with it. Tissues are very delicate, so one wrong move could cause damage.” 
You watch quietly as he writes down the notes, his head resting on his as if he’s struggling to keep his eyes open.
“I saw you fall asleep today in class.”
Jun looks back up at you, eyes widening as if what he had done was some sort of crime. He suddenly appears more awake than ever.
“Crap, I… I’m sorry,” he mutters in apology, face flushing with embarrassment. “I knew you were lecturing since Professor Lee wasn’t here today, but I just… I don’t know. I couldn’t keep my eyes open that well. I’m really sorry.”
He could only assume the worst𑁋that you’re mad at him for falling asleep, when in reality he had stayed up late the night before to review over the material the two of you have covered so far during your sessions. But when your face softens into a look of understanding, he seems to relax. Just slightly. 
“Jun, it’s fine, really. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay,” You reassure him gently. “Trust me, you’re not in trouble and I’m not mad.”
He swallows down the lump in your throat. “Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“Like really sure?”
“One thousand percent.”
“I’m not convinced.” A sly grin spreads across Jun’s face. What a dork.
“Unfunny,” You huff, before taking a seat right next to him and flipping through the pages in your lesson plan. 
Once again, Jun props an elbow on the table and leans his head on his hand, a playful smirk lingering on his face as he watches you. You feel his eyes on you. 
“It sort of gave me a little glimpse into your life, you know.” 
You glance up, intrigued. “Yeah? And what did you take from that?”
“That… I really cannot and will never be on your level of studying,” Jun admits sheepishly. He seems to crawl into himself a bit more as he continues hesitantly, “and, uh, made me admire you a little bit more too.”
You freeze at that, pausing mid-flipping through a page in your planner as his words float through the air. Admire… you? It wasn’t something you ever anticipated hearing from him𑁋ever anticipated to see him this forward𑁋especially not today when he seemed so out of it.
You clear your throat softly, trying to act nonchalant. “You admire me?”
Jun chuckles softly, the sound a little awkward as he tries to ease the tension. “Well, who wouldn’t?”
He’s probably digging himself into a bit of a hole right now, perhaps overstepping a small boundary of what was supposed to be just a casual tutoring session. But really, despite these sessions honestly really helping with understanding the material, he’s mainly here because… well… he gets to spend time with you. 
“Sorry, I-I mean… I made this weird, didn’t I?” Jun swiftly corrects himself, face flushing deeper with each word that leaves him. “I guess I just want to thank you for pushing me to do better. I’ve always… kind of admired that about you for a while now.”
Even you momentarily forget what you wanted to discuss with him for the session, a surge of warmth shooting through your body. The only sounds you could hear right now are the branches outside hitting the window from the wind and the ticking of the clock on the wall. The room was quiet, filled with an awkward, yet comfortable tension that neither of you seemed to know how to break.
“I’m glad to hear that,” You tell him. “It means a lot that you feel that way.” 
Relief and apprehension hugs around Jun, as if unsure whether he should say anything more or go back to tutoring. But he thinks he’s already said enough𑁋at this point his tired brain nearly made him confess his feelings, and that would be utterly stupid of him. 
“But you should really learn how to rest,” he suddenly says firmly.
You laugh that off way too easily. “You know that I can’t𑁋”
“I know, but… come on, just rest for a little bit,” Jun insists. “At least for a few minutes.”
“You’re seriously telling me to rest while I’m here to tutor you?” You lift a brow, almost teasingly.
The way he only nods and gazes at you with pleading eyes almost resembling a cat stretching out for attention makes it almost impossible to resist. And you would hate to admit that yeah, maybe you do push yourself way too much, that all the strenuous effort you put into studying is now starting to take a noticeable toll on you. At the moment, rest does sound really nice.
“My friends and I are planning a hangout this weekend at my place, if you’d like to join us. You… You don’t have to if you don’t want to, or if you’re not into that kind of stuff,” Jun informs you sheepishly. “It’s not a lot of us too, but if you ever want to just… unwind, you know, you could stop by. We aren’t doing anything too wild, just a chill get-together. They’re all cool, I swear.”
You consider his offer. Again, you were never much of a party person nor ever gave a crap about that sort of stuff, but the thought of taking a break from your routine is a bit... enticing, to say the least.
“I’ll think about it. Thank you,” You say with a grateful smile, finally giving in. “Give me a few minutes to tidy up?”
Jun watches for a few moments as you quickly organise through your notes and gather up the loose papers that have accumulated on the table, standing up and heading to the front of the lecture hall to put away the rest of the materials that you won’t need for the session. 
As he waits for you to finish, Jun sets aside his own stuff, folds his arms and places them on the table, slowly guiding his head to rest on top. He closes his eyes, taking advantage of the opportunity to rest as much as his body craves.
By the time you get back, you catch a glimpse of Jun’s relaxed form in his seat, and your heart does a little flip in your chest. The corners of your lips tug up unknowingly into a soft smile as you settle into the seat cautiously next to him, feeling a wave of exhaustion hitting you all at once.
It’s rare that you let yourself go these days, but with Jun here, it seems easier to let your guard down, even for just a few minutes. 
Without much thought you let your head rest gently on your own arms, finding yourself staring at the front lecture hall, before ultimately, moving your head so that you were facing Jun. You’ve never seen him this close before, drawn into his features for a moment or two𑁋over his closed eyes and the small moles that pepper his cheek and one particular spot above his lips, which were curled up slightly. Contentment warms you like a blanket as you let your eyes drift to a close.
Unbeknownst to you, Jun slowly peeks his eyes open, being met with the sight of you resting so peacefully and comfortably beside him. A sense of calm takes over the vast lecture hall as he simply watches you, even feeling brave enough to lightly brush a strand of hair away from your face with his finger, before quickly pulling back when he catches your nose scrunching a little in your sleep. His heart swells even more.
He decides on settling back into his own arms, taking one last glance at you before drifting back into light sleep. 
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“You’re way too smiley to be going to a tutoring session,” Chan points out as he catches Jun about to leave. “Isn’t it like your third time alone this week? Last week you went twice…”
Jun snorts annoyedly at that. “Yeah, and?”
“We’re just saying you’re way too happy to be going to tutoring, man,” Soonyoung continues on, an edge of suspicion to his words. “Did you find out the meaning of life? Figure out why our bodies cause us to shit and piss or why the earth goes around the sun?”
“I’d be happy to answer that question if you’re curious,” Jun states wryly. 
Soonyoung scrunches his face and shakes his head. “Please don’t.” 
His roommate only observes as Jun stuffs his feet into his Converse, which looked to be at the end of its life. Minghao comes out moments later, toothbrush in his mouth with bits of foam to the corners of his lips. Along with Soonyoung and Chan, the three of them watch as Jun finishes lacing up his shoes, his good mood unwavering.
“I think I have an answer to that question,” Minghao says, voice somewhat muffled.
Soonyoung faces the younger boy. “The piss or the earth one?”
“He has a crush,” Minghao states flatly, a subtle smirk creeping onto his face despite the toothbrush still dangling from his lips.
“A crush?” Soonyoung’s eyes widen as he exchanges a glance with Chan, the two of them looking like they were about to combust any second. “A crush on that scary TA?”
“They’re not scary!” Jun protests, face reddening hearing his own loud voice, secretly hoping to make some sort of quick escape before his friends could pry any further into his dry love life, but he knows he won’t be able to get them off his ass. “So what if I have a crush on them?”
Soonyoung’s jaw drops to the floor at that, before bursting into laughter. “‘So what’? You’re totally into them!” He starts bouncing on his toes, a grin stretching across his face. “You’re in loooove with the scary TA! This is gold.”
Jun could seriously strangle all of his roommates right now. He runs a hand through his hair and glances at the door, regretting opening his mouth. Was he seriously that obvious? “You guys are blowing this way out of proportion.” 
“Bro, you’re blushing so hard right now,” Chan chimes in with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Don’t even try to deny it.”
Minghao chuckles, finally pulling the toothbrush out of his mouth. “It’s obvious. You don’t study like that for just anyone.”
Jun’s face turns an even deeper shade of red. “I𑁋okay, fine! Maybe I like them a little bit, but it’s not a big deal! I’m just trying to do well in class. Now, can I leave?” 
It takes one last torturous minute of teasing before Jun shoots his roommates with annoyed looks and heads out of the apartment.
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Normally at nine o’clock, you would most likely be in the campus library studying until your eyes go dry, or in your own place with textbooks sprawled over your bed. But this time, you find yourself right in front of the address Jun sent you𑁋his address, specifically.
You’d spent the past few days thinking about his invitation, and despite some initial hesitation, you may be looking forward to this little break from your routine. Because according to Jun from a text he sent you the night before along with the address: it’s what you deserve.
Your heart still does a little jump when you think about it still.
[09:08 | y/n] Hey Jun! I’m here by the way
Your phone vibrates right away.
[09:09 | just jun] WHAT omg
[09:09 | just jun] sorry i’m coming out right now!!!
There’s a figure that emerges from a door, waving to you from above. You give out a small wave as you start to make yourself comfortable on the front steps of the building. Jun hurries down the stairs, looking both relieved and a bit flustered as he reaches you.
“Hey, I…” His eyes roam over you from head-to-toe. “I didn’t think you’d actually show up.” 
You offer a tentative smile. “Well, I figured, you know? Thought it would be nice to stop by for a little bit. Plus you live closer than I thought.”
Jun’s face brightens, the relief in his own grin oozing its way into your heart, and he gestures for you to follow him back to his place.
Just as he promised, the gathering was quite small. Jun introduces you to his roommates𑁋Minghao, Soonyoung, and Chan are their names (Soonyoung and Chan look oddly more excited to see you, for some reason)𑁋and two others in his year. You recognise Wonwoo, who is a TA from the English department, and the other is Jihoon, whose name had been tossed around quite frequently during your time in university.
Overall, the vibes have been quite laid-back, and the apartment has been warm and inviting so far.
“Do you want something to drink?” Jun asks as he leads you towards the kitchen, where some food and snacks were sprawled across the counter. “There’s water, soda, and um… some alcohol too.”
Your eyes roam over the assortment on the counter, gaze lingering on the bottles of alcohol. For some reason the idea of relaxing and letting loose feels particularly appealing tonight, and you can hardly remember the last time you had a proper drink of… anything. 
“I’ll take some alcohol,” You answer, suddenly feeling a bit adventurous; it even surprises Jun. 
Jun pulls one of the bottles and pours you a generous amount before handing it to you, the tips of his fingers brushing against yours as you find yourself settling down in a seat near Wonwoo and Jihoon. 
Soonyoung and Chan come into view a few minutes later, and they’re still looking at you as if you’ve come in with a second head.
“You’re not scary,” Chan claims randomly, scanning you up and down with his eyes closely.
You lift a brow and look behind you, thinking he was talking to someone, before turning back to him. 
“Me?” You point to yourself. “Scary?” 
Soonyoung takes a sip of his own drink before saying, “Yeah, dude, I mean… There used to be a lot of rumours spread about you being like, mean and stuff, you know? I’m talking about people saying you were super strict, always serious, and that if anyone messed up in class, you’d roast them alive.”
You almost want to laugh at that. Sure, you’ve heard plenty of those rumours before and never really let it get to you, or had the time to straight up dismiss them, but you didn’t think people were still clinging onto those thoughts nowadays. 
“Did you expect me to show up with devil horns and a pitchfork?" You joke, finally allowing yourself to laugh, shaking your cup in amusement. “Wow, I didn’t realise I was so terrifying. Maybe I should start living up to it now.”
Soonyoung lets out a hearty laugh, almost choking on his drink. “Please, no! We’re all just barely surviving as it is.”
“Nah, you’re good as you are. If anything I’m glad to see that the stuff people have said aren’t true,” Chan adds in.
An exaggerated gasp leaves Soonyoung. “Oh my, God, wait! Does this mean we’re friends now?” His excitement is so over-the-top that you can’t help but laugh too. 
“I don’t know. Maybe,” You tease with a faint smirk, shrugging. “If you behave.”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Soonyoung declares, grinning ear to ear as Chan gives him an enthusiastic high five. His face is already turning the slightest bit of red from the alcohol. “Jun, you’re in good hands!”
In the kitchen, you catch Jun gazing over his shoulder and towards his friends. And when his eyes land on you, he shoots you a brief smile before quickly taking his eyes away, but the tips of his ears being red doesn’t go unnoticed when he turns away.
As the night continues, you find yourself letting loose, more than you’ve ever done recently. You find yourself easily getting along with the lively atmosphere of Jun and all of his friends. You don’t really know how many drinks you’ve taken at this point in time, how many refills you’ve been offered, but the buzz you feel is pleasant and warm, your inhibitions slowly but surely melting away. Laughter tumbles out of you as if it was the most natural thing in the world, almost to the point you feel your chest physically ache.
Occasionally, from the side, Jun quietly watches you. He can feel his own mood lifting with every smile that finds its way on your face. It’s almost as if he’s looking at a completely different person𑁋someone entirely the opposite from the studious TA he’s been used to this entire time.
But the second he sees you stumble slightly when you come out from a bathroom break, a pang of worry hits him.
“You okay?” he asks you when you nearly run into him, making him circle his arms around you out of habit in case you might fall. However, you’re somehow so close to him that he can feel the warmth of you through his clothes. Your cheeks are flushed, and you’re grinning lazily up at him, the effects of the alcohol clearly taking their toll.
“Oh, doing lovely, um…” You assure him, voice wobbly as you clear your throat. “The alcohol was awesome. I haven’t… I haven’t drank like this in such a long time. It feels sooooo nice.” 
You nearly stumble into him again as you attempt to move past him, and he’s quick as the Flash to grab you by the shoulders, his hands squeezing tightly around your forearm. 
“I think you should sit down, Y/N.” 
“Bu-But I don’t want to!” 
A playful pout spreads across your face as he carefully leads you back to the quiet kitchen, away from whatever version of charades the others have put on in the middle of the living room.
“You’ve drank too much,” Jun points out worriedly. “Do you want me to take you home? I can walk𑁋”
“What are you? My… my boss or something? I’m supposed to be the one in control here! I’m… I’m the one making the decisions, not you!” You protest, a weak, half-hearted attempt at establishing your authority as you knead the fabric of his shirt into your fists. 
Did you have to be so cute when you’re drunk? Though Jun is fast to shake those thoughts away and focus more on making sure you’re okay, having to bite the bottom of his lip to conceal an incoming, endearing grin at your silly antics. 
“Come on, let me get you some water and then I’ll take you home, okay?” Jun offers, and you give him a tight-lipped smile. 
“But I am home,” You slur lowly, circling a finger in front of his face, close enough you may jab him in the eye. “I’m home here… with you…”
Jun seriously doesn’t know how he would be able to dismiss those words that left your mouth, even in your inebriated state. It doesn’t help that you’re also looking up at him with half-lidded eyes and a dreamy smile, like the world is spinning and yet he’s the only one keeping you steady. 
“Let’s go. I’m taking you home,” Jun says as he snatches up a bottle of water and slowly coaxes you towards the door, not before announcing to his friends as well, who all seem too drunk to even care anyway.
The second the cool air meets your skin and the cold water flows down your throat, you seem a little more lucid, but not entirely. You still clung an arm around Jun’s own arm, which was hanging loosely and awkwardly to the side, your steps a bit uneven as you walk down the street together.
Jun holds his breath every time your body knocks into his side, afraid you might lose balance, but you somehow manage to stay upright𑁋barely. The warmth of your arm wrapped around his doesn’t go unnoticed.
“Hey, Y/N𑁋”
“Shhhhh,” You suddenly hiss, making Jun shut his mouth. “You’re too loud.”
Jun hangs his head down in slight guilt. “Sorry.”
“Hmm, isokay,” You mutter, tightening a grip on his and nearly causing Jun himself to stumble. “You know, you’re always so… nice. It’s kinda weird.” 
Jun tilts his head, somewhat confused by your drunken logic. He glances at you, catching the way your cheeks are shaded with a rosy hue and the warmness to your hazy eyes. 
“Weird?” he repeats curiously.
“Yeah…” You draw out the word clumsily, shifting your eyes towards him, gaze lingering on him a little longer than usual. “It’s like you’re not real sometimes.”
“You’re holding onto me.” Jun shakes his arm, and you still carry a tight grip on his arm, fingers digging lightly into the material of his sleeve. “I think I’m very real.”
“I know,” You mumble, scrunching your nose endearingly, as if you still don't believe him. “But you barely know me.” 
There’s a few moments of contemplation that passes by between the two of you. Your steps have somehow managed to sync with each other, the streetlights above casting down a soft glow on the pavement below, and the quiet night feels oddly… intimate. 
“Maybe.” Jun shrugs, voice low and soft. “But I like what I know so far.” 
Now it’s your turn to grow silent, a wave of realisation cutting through your inebriated thoughts. Your grip goes from loose to tight on Jun’s arm, your chest and heart feeling heavier than it did moments ago, and it certainly was not because of the alcohol.
Your mind is practically aching with all these thoughts, aching with the urge to do something about it, and the way Jun’s side profile is illuminated under the streetlight doesn’t help the situation at all.
“It’s funny, because I… I would see you come into class. And…” You let out a giggle. “I don’t know. My first thought was always that you were cute. Hmm, maybe dreamy too? Yeah, dreamy… That’s a silly word.” 
Before Jun can say anything to that, the words seem to tumble out of you. 
“...I’d see you fall asleep in the back of the class, or come late to lecture, and I’d think you were cute seeing you so panicked… And when you asked me to tutor you, I was so happy. It’s just𑁋I-I don’t know.” A brief pause, before you continue, “Is this what liking someone is?” 
Jun doesn’t notice how much his steps have faltered, his voice and own words getting caught somewhere between his throat and his heart. There’s a mix of panic, disbelief, and excitement flowing through him, almost too much he can’t quite process going from emotion to the other. However, how the hell does he respond when the person he’s been developing feelings for says something like that so openly?
“Shit, I’ve… I’ve made this weird, haven’t I?” You give yourself a light facepalm, before carding a hand through your hair. A yawn starts to leave you. “I’m just all over the place right now, I’m sorry…”
Jun wants to say something, needs to say something, but he stumbles over his words. “I… Y/N, I𑁋”
Before he can finish his sentence, you trip slightly, and he instinctively pulls you closer, catching you with both hands. A wholehearted round of laughter tumbles out of you, resting your head on his shoulder for a brief moment, and for a split second, everything feels still. His heart races faster than ever.
He lets you take the lead on the way back to your apartment complex, feeling as if he had been walking on eggshells the entire time. The buzz of the alcohol running its laps through you has seemed to soften, and if anything, you’re more than ready to sink into your bed for the night. Although there’s comfortable quietness in the air now, Jun can’t stop replaying all the words you’ve said to him tonight alone.
Before he can fully process everything, you come to an abrupt stop just outside your building, turning to look at him.
You stare at him for a moment, eyes roaming over his face as if you’re trying to commit everything to memory. Then, without thinking, you step up to him and press a kiss to his cheek. It’s quick, fleeting, the gesture so unexpected it sends a rush of heat flooding up his neck and straight to the tips of his ears. He’s practically on fire, at this point. 
When you pull back, there’s a bashful smile playing at your lips. “Goodnight, Jun.”
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You don’t think you can ever look at Jun in the eyes without wanting to sink into the ground, because each time he comes into view, it reminds you of the absolute idiot you put on show for him last weekend. It’s harder to pay attention when your hands seem to touch every given opportunity. You just have to make it through one last tutoring session before the big dissections later that week.
“So, um, we’ll use the forceps to clamp and separate through the tissues,” Jun explains, pointing towards the dissection guide displayed on the table, still feeling a tad bit queasy at the thought of it, even if the dissection pan was empty. “Then the scalpel will be used to cut on the incision lines we marked.”
“That’s right. You got it,” You say with a small smile, briefly casting a glance towards him, watching the way he adjusts the goggles on his face. 
The two of you decided on running through the dissection for practice, focusing instead on the procedural steps and techniques. It’s been smooth-sailing so far𑁋Jun looks more confident and comfortable as he walks through each step𑁋and you’re positive that the actual lab will go well.
On the other hand, you both can’t deny the awkwardness thickening through the room, drifting within the crevices of even the most subtle interactions. 
“Alright, so once we’ve done that, we’ll… uh, we’ll…” Jun’s voice trails off as he fumbles slightly with the scalpel, trying to decide between placing it on the tray or handing it to you, his gloved fingers brushing against yours again as you grab it from him.
“Sorry,” You both blurt out at the same time, voices mixing into one.
As you both share an embarrassed laugh, a few moments of silence follows. It seems to dissipate the tension in the air. Some of it, at least.
Jun clears his throat. “Y/N, I𑁋”
“It’s fine,” You assure calmly. “Let’s just keep going.” 
“I… Okay.” His shoulders slump in a pit of defeat as he fixes his attention back down towards the task at hand. “Can you, uh… pass me the probe?”
You nod and hand it over to him, trying to attentively listen as he explains the function of the tool and how it would be used for the lab, adding any feedback along the way. You’re surprised at how easily you fall back into a comfortable rhythm, as if the moments from earlier had ceased to exist, as if that night and your stupidity didn’t happen, but only you both know about the unacknowledged elephant in the room.
The rest of the practice goes by without any more mishaps. The next thing you know, you’re pulling off your gloves and taking off your safety goggles as Jun sets the dissection tray away. By the time he returns, he’s surprised to see you already grabbing your belongings like you’re ready to leave.
Jun swallows down the nervous lump lodged in his throat. “Y/N, wait.”
You pause in the middle of stuffing some notebooks inside your backpack, already feeling the apprehension snaking up your spine as you face him.
“Can… Can we talk?” Jun asks hesitantly.
A sigh leaves you. “Look, that was really dumb of me, I get it. I shouldn’t have… kissed you on the cheek like that and said all those weird things. It was impulsive and I was drunk. I’m sorry, I should’ve known my limits, or maybe just have not come at all𑁋”
“I was really happy that you came,” Jun interrupts, a voice almost too loud in the quiet, empty lab room. He rubs his gloved hands together nervously. “And, um, the kiss... I liked it. It was, well… kind of nice.”
You really can’t tell if his words are making you feel any better or worse, if the hesitation on his side makes you want to sink more into the ground or feel a bit of hope. Regardless, it’s hard to ignore the warmth growing in your face as your fingers tighten around the strap of your backpack. 
“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I like you too, and I wanted to finally tell you that before you left my place. But then things got a little messy and it was a bit overwhelming, so I wanted to take you home because you looked like you were about to𑁋”
“Jun, just…” You chime in ruefully, clearly not wanting to relive your stupidity. “Go back a little. You like me too?”
Jun takes in a deep, slow breath.
“Yes,” he says firmly. “Holy shit. I can’t believe I said that.” 
The laughs that leave you two sound more freeing in a way, more effortless, like the thick, heavy fog that settled around the room has been lifted, and for the first time in days, everything is more clearer. 
The carefree grin that Jun catches to your features nearly forces him to step up towards you, but he holds back. Instead, he thinks the sight of you looking so naturally happy is something he could cherish for a very, very long time.
“So, uh…” he starts, shooting a sheepish glance down at his shoes before meeting your gaze once more. “We’re okay?”
You only nod.
“We’re okay,” You confirm softly. “Maybe more than that.” 
As you finish getting ready to leave, you turn back to Jun, who nearly drops the dissection pan in his hands. 
“I have a meeting to go to right now,” You tell him. “But afterwards, I could… text you?” 
His face brightens expectantly, attempting to keep the excitement coursing through him at bay.  “Yeah, yeah, of course. Um… have a good meeting.” 
He’s cute. And silly. And weird. But you wouldn’t have it any other way. 
Before you finally leave the lab room, you take a leap of faith and turn back around, heading straight towards Jun. He’s in the middle of taking off his goggles when you find yourself standing back in front of him, and a mischievous grin etches across your face. Jun takes a few steps back, his ass nearly stumbling into the table behind him.
“One more thing.” You reach up and to gently tug the goggles off his face, and the contact of your fingers to his hair has Jun bracing himself for doomsday. Your breath fans against his skin for a moment, and when you pull away, you’re holding up the goggles towards him. “You were wearing these upside down the entire time.”
Jun chokes on air, and you let out a giggle.
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Shit.
Jun cannot focus right now.
The goggles feel uncomfortable on his face, the gloves make his skin feel clammy, the uncomfortable, pungent smell of formaldehyde fills the lab room and his nostrils. Not to mention that there’s a goddamn sheep brain sitting on the metal pan in front of him. 
Perhaps he can call it quits now𑁋take the zero for the lab and run for the hills, drop out of university, become a nomad in the countryside and never have to touch any sort of assignment again. In his mind right before the dissection starts, it really doesn’t seem like a bad idea. Not a bad idea at all…
“Jun?”
He snaps his eyes back at you. You’re wearing your own pair of gloves and goggles, positioning the dissection tools on the table, eyebrows raised in worry. 
“Are you good? We’re about to start,” You tell him. “You look a little pale.”
He blinks a few times, trying to compose and mentally ready himself, acting like he hasn’t just spent the last few minutes imagining an escape plan abandoning all forms of education. “Yeah, I… I’m good.”
“You good to start?” You ask, and the concern he senses in your voice makes his heart soften. “Or do you want me to take over first?’ 
There’s that offer again, the one he knows he should probably accept for the sake of his sanity, but there’s also a part of him that doesn’t want to back out now. Not when he’s finally managed to clear the air between the two of you, when things are more comfortable than they’ve been in weeks. 
Jun exhales, shaking the tenseness out of his body. This is it. Glancing around the room, he notices that other students have already started their dissections with ease. He looks down at the sheep brain again, feeling that queasiness rising, but just your presence right next to him seems to settle down his nerves way more than it should.
He steels himself, trying to cling to that feeling instead of the growing discomfort in his stomach. He can do this. It’s just a brain. A sheep brain, he reminds himself, as if that makes it any better.
Letting out one last breath for good measure, he reaches for the scalpel. 
“I’m good,” he says, more to himself than to you. “Let’s do this.” 
His hand quivers as he leans in towards the sheep brain, its colour slightly pinkish and grey. His nose crinkles the closer he gets to it, and the second he lightly grazes the scalpel along the surface of the brain, he can’t help but wince. At his side, he feels your shoulder make contact with his, and helps ground him a little more. 
Narrowing his eyes, he focuses on making a precise incision straight down the middle of the brain𑁋the medial longitudinal fissure, he recalls𑁋his hand trembling slightly as he draws the scalpel down. The smell of formaldehyde grows stronger as he slices through the tissue, and the somewhat gelatinous texture that the brain has is incredibly off-putting. 
When he finally finishes, you help part the brain in half, and Jun’s eyes widen in awe at how visible the structures are. 
“You did pretty well.” You send an encouraging smile Jun’s way, taking the probe in your hand and motioning towards the exposed structures. “See? Look at that. You can see all the parts clearly.”
Jun takes a leap of faith and points to a particular part. “That’s… the thalamus there, right? And the hypothalamus is right below it.” 
You nod proudly. “You got it. And this section right here?”
“The… pons? And then, uh… Oh! The medulla oblongata. Then the spinal cord starts beneath it.”
“Yep. Here?”
“The cerebellum!” 
Your own heart seems to swell with every step up his confidence goes, whatever discomfort he was initially feeling begins to be melted away under the warmth of your praise. You bring your eyes up from the brain, letting it roam over his side profile, taking in the way the goggles make his hair stick out in odd angles, the curve of his jaw as he tilts his head slightly, brows furrowed in concentration.
As Jun pinpoints another structure on the brain, he faces toward you for confirmation, only to be met with your eyes already on him. He opens his mouth to say something, before slowly shutting it, and for a split second, he forgets about the question he was about to ask, the lab, everything else.
“Did I get it right?” Jun questions, feeling the confidence flowing through him falter under your thoughtful expression. “This is the sulcus? And the gyrus…”
You lower your attention back down to the sheep brain, realising he was pointing to a spot with the probe. 
“Hm, just…” You start, leaning in a bit closer to examine where he’s pointing to. With a sly smirk, you reach over to grasp his wrist lightly, slowly guiding his hand more accurately with the probe. Your warmth slips teasingly under his skin. “The sulcus is the little groove right here, and the gyrus is the ridge surrounding it. See it?”
Jun swears you’re doing this on purpose, and whatever it is, it’s working.
“Got it,” he mumbles, hoping you won’t be able to see the flush to his cheeks under the goggles. His eyes flicker between the brain and your face, noting the playful glint in your pupils that certainly isn’t from the fluorescent lighting of the lab room. “I see it now. Thanks.”
You let go of his wrist, still wearing that mischievous look at your lips, though it fades into something more genuine now. “You’re doing good, you know.”
Relief hits him from your words. He does feel way more comfortable, the entire lab becoming less daunting all because you were simply right here next to him. His mind momentarily flashes back to all what you’ve done for him𑁋from the tutoring, to the way you’ve been nothing but supportive and patient with him, before it all circles back to the mutual fondness blooming its way within the crevices of your hearts together.
He likes you, and you like him back. Jun still has no idea how this came to be, because he used to think he had no such chance with you. Yet now, he has the freedom to think about where he wants to take you on your first date.
The rest of the dissection goes by with ease. Slowly but surely, other students begin to clean up their workspace and submit their lab reports to Professor Lee, their tasks winding down as the lab session comes to a close. The lab starts to empty out as the minutes tick by, and it isn’t long until there’s just a few more students left𑁋you and Jun included.
“Here, I’ll finish up here,” You tell him, taking the brain into your hands without hesitation and placing it into a sealed bag for disposal later on. Then you take the dissection tools into your hands and walk off towards the sink to wash them, leaving Jun hanging in a bit of a daze. 
“I… What can I do then?” he asks, wanting to contribute still.
You turn back to him, humming in contemplation. 
“Let’s see… Disinfect the table, take off your gloves and goggles, and then…” Your lips quirk up again. “Just stand there and look cute. I’ll handle the rest.” 
The tips of his ears flush with heat as you casually sidle away from him and towards the sink. Jun shakes away the flutters in his stomach, though the corners of his lips tugs upwards as he works on cleaning up the table. 
Jun is already waiting by the door with his backpack on his shoulders as you finish up some tasks with Professor Lee. Once you get the signal that you’re free to leave, Jun feels the excitement pool down to his feet, a sense of accomplishment knowing that he was able to get through the one lab he dreaded most, and finished the class with a passing grade.
As you both exit the building, Jun pauses in his place, watching you continue to walk a bit without him.
“I owe you a date, you know,” he calls out to you with determination, though a pinch of nervousness still lingers.
You turn back to him curiously, and the way the sun catches on your face makes you appear more radiant above anything else. “A date, you say?” 
“Yeah, I…” He scratches the back of his neck sheepishly. “Before all of this, I told you I would owe you something for helping me, and well…” He lets his shoulder relax. “I want to take you on a date.” 
Jun watches the way a bunch of emotions seem to morph among your face. Even with knowing how you feel for him, he still braces himself for a different kind of response. 
Biting at the bottom of your lip, you step back up to him, and before he could fully process what’s happening, you answer him with a quick, affectionate kiss to his cheek. Right at the corner of his lips, to be specific. Then you reach down and grip his wrist, tugging him gently towards you.
“You’re on,” You challenge, a playful sparkle to your eyes. “Let’s get going.”
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successfulgoddess333 · 6 months
Text
MY LONG AWAITED SUCCESS STORY PLUS RANT/YALL NEED THIS STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND READ
First things first
I’m tired of being nice
I have took time out of MY day to help you guys
EVERY DAY
I have given tips methods
Advice answered questions
Replied to countless amounts of DMs
Etc etc I’m not providing false hope here I AM trying to help you guys
I’m getting so many different suggestions and asks
Let me say this
STOP
from now on
No more questions
If it’s urgent
Like you really wanna know something
DM me
I WILL respond
No more questions asking how to enter the void
My account is literally talking about HOW TO ENTER THE VOID STATE
Are instructions not clear?????
Get off your butt and fucking do it!!!!
Stop procrastinating stop being lazy stop asking questions you spreads know the answers to
And for the love of God
STOP ASKING ME TO ENTER FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!
I’m doing what I can to help you all manifest
But it’s YOUR job to make it happen
Y’all used my kindness against me and it’s pissing me off I’m tired of people not even asking anymore
Just begging me
I AM NOT A MAGICIAN
I was literally YOU
not too long ago
I am a nice person but I am at my limits
Stop repeating questions
Look at my page for the answers you need
Stop asking me to enter for you
If it’s not happening
DM me for ADVICE
I used to be the kid that got asked by others to do their homework for them
If I didn’t put my foot down
Y’all were gonna drive me insane
Literally
I love y’all but stop depending on me
Just ask
For advice
But stop treating me like a Genie
And I manifested for someone and it doesn’t work
Then what
Am I a liar now???
Am I fake??
Like are you serious
Bruh I’m serious when I say
I’ve had enough
Read this story to see how YOU CAN ALSO
Transform your life
I literally went from
TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️
I went from slitting my own wrists and going in my closet trying to hang myself EVERY FUCKING NIGHT
I used to stare in the mirror
Crying about how my body looked
I used to go to school scared because I was getting abused by guys there and bullied by girls
All my friends turned their backs on me and I literally said
FUCK IT
I don’t deserve this fucking life so you know what I did????
I changed it
It’s so easy it’s insane
I too over complicated it
I too was desperate
But your desires are yours
They just are
Ignore them MF negative thoughts
Matter of a fact don’t even call it that
You are giving your “intrusive” thoughts power by saying they are negative
Don’t label them as intrusive thoughts
THEY DO NOT EXIST
THEY WILL NEVER MANIFEST
And I’m not just saying that it’s true
It’s soooo fucking true
By labeling them as “intrusive” or “negative” you’re giving them power
To take over and control your life
When this is not what you want
Don’t fear your own head
Bitch it’s YOUR BRAIN
It can’t NOT listen to you
Change your goddamn assumptions
You are a bad bitch you’re hot beautiful
You’re THAT bitch
Bad bitches don’t beg we make shit happen
Get off your cute ass and go get your dream fucking life
Bitch you can have it all
You can marry Shawn Mendez
Be the sexiest model on the planet (but you’re only 5’3) OK ANDDDDD
Marissa Rose is the first 4’11 runway model
You mean to tell me it’s not possible???
They have plus size models
Shirt models
Models with tig ol biddies
Models with tattoos models with piercings models with scars etc
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE
You can get a call back from that job
Better yet fuck 9 to 5s
Bitch YOU ARE RICH
You are literally Jeff Bezos
Don’t manifest “small shit” cuz if you can get an apartment and a job
You can also manifest $100 million and 2500 square feet mansion
You can have superpowers
You can be a master manifestor
You can become a celebrity and overnight
You can meet your favorite celebrities at awards shows
You can sit next to Ice Spice at the Grammys
EVEN SHE MANIFESTED HER DREAM LIFE
There’s proof in her old tweets and in your interviews
YOU CAN HAVE HARRY STYLES TICKETS FOR WHENEVER HE DECIDES TO DROP AN ALBUM
YOU CAN BE THE NEXT BEYONCÉ
YOU CAN MEET OR EVEN PERFORM WITH TAYLOR SWIFT
YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE MONEY YOU WANT
YOU CAN SHIFT TO ANOTHER REALITY AND MEET MICHAEL JACKSON
YOU CAN HAVE THE SINGING VOICE OF AALIYAH OR MF MARIAH CAREY
YOU CAN MANIFEST THAT YOUR DOG NEVER DIED OR THAT
YOUR EX STILL MISSES YOU
KANYE WEST MANIFESTED KIM K
TOM HOLLAND MANIFESTED ZENDAYA
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU CANT HAVE
MICHAEL B JORDAN WAITING ON YOU HAND AND FOOT????
YOU CAN ENTER THE VOID MANIFEST YOUR Sp
AND WAKE UP NEXT TO YOUR CRUSH
YOU CAN MANIFEST BEING IMMUNE TO BAD SHIT BEING A GODDESS BEING SO BEAUTIFUL THAT PEOPLE FORGET MEGAN FOX EXISTS
YOU CAN MANIFEST LOOKING LIKE MARILYN MONROE
OR MADISON BEER
YOU CAN MANIFEST TALENT
BITCH ITS ALL POSSIBLE
You OWN THIS SHIT THIS IS YOUR LIFE BOO
Go fucking get it!!!!!!!
SUCCESS STORY
I was tired of own shit so I used the method that I created
I already posted it
Go read it
Here’s what I manifested
1. SP
I manifested a girlfriend because I’m bisexual asf
And I created her on my phone
Just write if list of what she looks and acts like
I manifested my dream career
I manifested platonic SPs
As in friendships
Money
A strong intuition
More knowledge
A better self concept
Immunity
The ability to hypnotize with my eyes(OK I HAVENT TESTED THIS OUT BUT IM EXCITED TO)
Meeting a celebrity
Can’t say who but I manifested it for the future
I even got pets now!!! A puppy two kittens and two snakes!!
I manifested lots of cool talents
I improved my dancing!!!!!!
I was insecure about my voice
So I changed it
Deadass I sound kinda sexy now
I wanted a whispery ass voice😭😭
So I got oneeee
I also manifested a LOT of personal stuff that I won’t share
Unfortunately I’m SUPER protective of my soul and just overall self
And I’m not posting a face reveal
This might seem surprising to most
My passive aggressive behavior but this is literally how I am daily
I really am nice but y’all just make me ANXIOUS
But still
I love you darlings soooo much
Like for real
But please just pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Don’t make me your wish granter
Make your own wishes come true
If it’s cool with y’all
I’ll manifest tonight
That entering the void will be easy for you guys
But you HAVE to do it yourself I can only guide you
You got this babe
If you got offended it’s working
That means you needed this
Take this tough love and go use it for good
I better see some goddamn success stories this month or we gon fight
(Not literally that’s just my humor talking)
Love you bitches
Now go meditate before I appear under your bed tonight and yank yo shit
Love youuuu💗💗💗💗💗
655 notes · View notes
bbsmuts · 29 days
Text
Career Advice ft. Miss A Suzy & AOA Seolhyun
A/N: I have a few notes before I start this one, first and foremost being that I got plenty of DMs after Special Fanmeet telling me the shock play was well done and it was a good addition to the smut, so I'll be incorporating some of that into more smuts in the future. My readers (as well as myself) have made it clear that they're into dom/sub dynamics, ownership kinks, and all that kind of stuff, so I'll be incorporating that a bit more. You're welcome, ya kinky bastards.
Is this very, very late? Yes. Is it very much overdue? Indeed it is. But will it be very good due to how much time I've had it a a draft? Probably also yes. Maybe. I don't have time to proofread things, so I never know.
This is a pitch from @phoenixwolf (who's been quite patient and a pleasure to work with), which is a pretty unique idea I've never seen before. It'll be quite a bit different from all my others, since the main character isn't in any kind of relationship with the idols. I'm doing a bit (well, in some parts a lot) of modification with how being an idol works and the perks that come with it, since to be quite honest I don't really know how it works and I need to make it fit the story better. So take note of that throughout the story whenever I mention something that probably isn't a thing irl. I have to use Y/N with this one because there's no way I can write it without using a name for the main character, which I don't do.
But after very much procrastination and too much time spent as a draft, it's here. I'm not at all used to writing a more tentative, maybe sub-ish character, so Seolhyun's noona kink solo might be iffy. And also just pretend that Suzy and Seolhyun are in the same group/under the same agency (Kakao) for the purposes of the smut. Also my first time writing a daddy kink. It's probably just about the same as a sir kink.
Point is, this one might be iffy.
-상훈
Length: 5.81k
Possible TW: Just about nothing, just a noona kink for Seolhyun and a daddy kink for Suzy. And of course my trademark, a sprinkle of light spanking/choking.
Tags: Threesome, cunnilingus, blowjob, dom/sub, daddy kink, noona kink, choking, spanking, fingering, face riding
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It was just another one of those days; sitting, waiting outside a businesswoman's office waiting to be talked to. The small plaque on the dark mahogany door read "Kim Seolhyun, Ace of Angels". The plush chair I sat on had to be the best office guest chair I'd ever sat on, predictably enough considering where I was.
Explanation time.
My name is Y/N, and I'm a week away from debuting as the next global K-pop superstar. Or at least, that's what everyone around me is saying. I'm 19, and very new to the bustling, jolting, lively atmosphere of the agency's headquarters. I'm not even completely sure of everything that's going on. I auditioned for Kakao Entertainment when I was 15 and almost immediately got a callback from them. I performed two more auditions beyond the initial one and was accepted as a trainee with high praise from judges. I signed my trainee contract and trained for 4 years, during which they touched up on my singing, rapping, dance skills, physique, modeling sagacity, and overall competence as a future idol, all of which they had described to already be near perfect. From the day I arrived on Kakao's doorstep, I had been told I was going to be the next global K-pop sensation. And now I'm a week away from debuting as a massive solo artist.
To say I'm nervous is a little bit of an understatement.
The reason why I'm here is to talk with former and current idols to orient me into what it's going to be like. I've already had conversations with a few notable ones, and now I'm outside Seolhyun's office. I've also been told Bae Suzy is here to see me, which is something I'm excited for. Suzy has been one of my favorite idols since I was really young. ___
"Mr. L/N?" Seolhyun's secretary spoke in a soft voice. "She's ready for you."
I stood up, and with a deep breath and a small adjustment of my tie, pushed open the door.
To my slight surprise, Suzy was already in the room, sitting with Seolhyun behind the desk.
Suzy gestured me in, and I took a seat in front of the desk. It was very well-organized and neat.
"Hi, Y/N." said Seolhyun. "I'm Kim Seolhyun, and this is–"
"I know who you are." I said.
She smiled warmly. "Then introductions aren't necessary, are they?"
I chuckled. "No, they aren't. I requested to meet you specifically."
Suzy smirked. "That's refreshing. Well, it's very nice to meet you, Y/N."
Seolhyun nodded.
"It's a pleasure." I replied, shaking both of their hands.
"No, the pleasure is ours." said Suzy. "It's not often we get to meet the next K-pop superstar pre-debut, is it? Especially when he's so hot~"
Seolhyun hit Suzy on the arm lightly. "Stop, isn't it too soon for that?"
"It's never too soon."
I smiled at the compliment. "Thank you, Suzy. Can I call you Suzy?"
"Yes, of course."
"So," I said, preparing to ask the list of questions I had prepared in my head. "What's the lifestyle like, being an idol?"
...
"–so basically, to sum up that point, don't fall out of line. Not publicly." Seolhyun finished.
"Unless, of course, you feel a little bit more daring, like me." Suzy threw a wink my way. "Media goes crazy for a bit of controversy."
Seolhyun rolled her eyes. "It's a daring move, but your publicity will skyrocket over a scandal. Suzy would know all about that."
Suzy grinned. "Nothing like watching your fans start World War III on social media because you didn't wear safety shorts."
Seolhyun chuckled. "Some, like Suzy, like to rock the boat a little. And it's good for publicity; the media likes a daring figure."
"So you're telling me I should cross the line a bit from time to time?" I asked.
"Yes." Suzy replied immediately.
"Not necessarily," corrected Seolhyun, side-eyeing Suzy, "it depends on what kind of idol you are to the public. But a tiny scandal here and there does keep you in the headlines, whether that be a good thing or a bad thing."
"Ok," I said slowly, "that makes sense. Other than that, what can I do to start off with a bang?"
"You?" Seolhyun said. "You might not even need any of that. I mean, they said they could have debuted you without training. They said they were considering cutting your training short and debuting you early."
"Of course, that's when funds had dipped a lot," Suzy added, "but that's not important. What's important is that they were seriously considering doing it, which never happens."
"So that either means you're already going down Suzy's route, or you're one hell of a potential." said Seolhyun.
"It's the latter."
"Yeah, I figured. All the talk around here has been about you since you started training. All the higher-ups and execs have been super excited because you'll be bringing in a lot of revenue."
"Which automatically makes you a high priority, especially once you actually start making them money." Suzy carried on. "Low-profit artists and groups are lower priority. You? You'll be pretty much as high priority as it gets, which means you can exploit it. Use it to your advantage."
"However you want to use it, bear in mind the fact that they are relying on you for profit. Of course, if you get too cocky, there's always consequences, but as long as you keep in mind the firm boundaries, you're all good."
"Okay," I said, "so I can push my luck a little, just don't overdo it."
"Exactly." Suzy replied. "You're a fast learner. And I'd advise you to wait to exercise that prioritization for a little while until they've gotten a good idea of what kind of idol you're going to be, what kind of profits you'll make them. If you do it too early, they might think early on that you're going to give them a hard time."
"And if that happens?"
"Don't know. Contract termination at the very most, but I doubt they'd do that. But they can make your life hell if they want to."
"Okay, got it. What else?"
"Well..." The two of them thought about it, and then Seolhyun spoke up. "You could try Suzy's approach..."
"Which is?" I prompted.
"Sucking a lot of music producer dick." Suzy laughed.
Her reply took me be surprise, but I barely reacted. "Yeah, I'm afraid I won't be sucking any dick on my way up."
Suzy chortled. "I don't mean that, dummy. But there happen to be a lot of female employees, execs, bosses, producers...I'm not saying do what I did, but all I'll say is...it'll get you in the good books."
"And considering what you have to offer..." Seolhyun added, unconsciously licking her lips as her eyes trailed down me.
Despite myself, I felt my cheeks go a bit red. "Thanks, noona."
She blushed a little and giggled.
Suzy rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Don't get her started, Y/N."
"What?"
"Seolhyun has a thing for being called that. Like, a big thing."
"Oh." I said simply. "Sorry."
"Don't be." She smirked. "In fact, that brings us to our next point, in a roundabout way."
"What's your next point?"
"If, as I advise you, you walk my path, play to your higher-up's kinks. Obviously they'll like it anyway it and therefore you'll be in the good books, but if you play to their kinks, it's like an automatic figurative promotion. I remember one time when I was dealing with this one exec who had a mommy kink–"
"Yeah, yeah, we don't need to hear that one." Seolhyun interrupted. "Don't put him off before he even debuts."
"I'm not into that mommy shit, but I can play along to just about anything." The implications of my sentence were not missed by the two of them.
"Oh, can you?" Seolhyun's voice was suddenly lower, quieter. The two exchanged a knowing look, one that spoke more than a book full of words. "What do you think, unnie?"
Suzy nodded at her and looked back at me.
"We'd like to offer you a special...orientation program." Her voice took on the same tone.
"Oh?" My thoughts ran wilder. "And what would such a program entail?"
"Oh, you know..." Seolhyun trailed off as they both rose from their chairs. "Suzy's route."
"Yeah, we'll be sure to tell the execs how good you are...if you're good." They approached.
My pants were feeling uncomfortably tight at that moment, and it did not go unnoticed by them.
"Ooh, he's liking that idea." The two of them moved closer, their thighs rubbing against mine, hands caressing my arms. I was suddenly very aware of Suzy's tiny skirt, Seolhyun's short shorts. "Let's see what we're working with here."
Shrugging out of my blazer as Suzy pulled on it from behind me, I rid myself of the extra layer and loosened my tie. Suzy's hands unbuttoned the buttons on my shirt one by one all the way down and pulled the bottom of it out of my waistband, leaving it on me.
"Oh~" Seolhyun's eyes widened. "He's quite the specimen, unnie."
I flexed my abs and arms for her benefit, and she bit her lip with lust in her eyes. "Can't wait to give this one a test ride, mmm..."
Suzy unbuckled my belt from behind me and slipped it out of its hoops, allowing Seolhyun to slide my pants down my legs and off my Oxford-clad feet.
"Looks like Y/N has a big thing too, unnie...damn."
Suzy came back around to have a look, and she smirked, nodding in approval.
"Nice, now that's a body that's had a hell of a lot of work put into it. And a massive cock, too..."
My face was going red again. "Thank you."
Seolhyun straddled me, sitting comfortably on the straining bulge of my boxers, barely concealing the gasp that left her lips when it rubbed her through her shorts. "Ah, enough niceties, let's get to your orientation."
"One at a time or same time?" asked Suzy.
"One at a time, then both, I wanna see what this kid can do first."
Suzy opened the door and disappeared, leaving me and Seolhyun alone.
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Her voice dropped to a growl as she leaned into my ear, slowly rocking her hips on me, pulling my face closer to hers by the tie. "You said you can play along, hm?"
"Uh, yeah, I did."
She pulled back a little, her expression half eagerness and half interest. "Then make sure you do."
With a flourish she stripped off her small top, a sexy lace bra the only thing between me and her full breasts.
"Mm, you like what you see baby?"
"Yes..." I couldn't take my eyes off her.
"Hmm?" She raised her eyebrows, the grinding coming to a sudden halt.
"Y-yes, noona."
She smiled and resumed her grinding. "Good."
Something in her tone turned me on, more than the pleasure of her grating her hips on me. Usually I had a slight leaning towards being a dom, but something about her dominant aura pushed me towards the other end of the spectrum.
She got off me and slipped her shorts down her legs, straightening up to reveal her tiny little thong, which left absolutely nothing to the imagination. I caught my breath, cock now furiously straining against the thin fabric of my boxers. She slid back onto me, two millimeters of cloth the only thing keeping her heat off me.
"Can I touch you, noona?"
She moaned quietly at the sensation she was causing herself, and nodded. Her eyes closed and she bit her lip as I reached up and caressed her breasts over the thin lace fabric, pinching her nipples. I slipped a finger under her thong and rubbed her clit.
"Ooh, yes, just like that," she cooed. "You sure know what you're doing, had practice?"
"Yes, noona." I fingered her harder and took my hand off her breast and moved it to her ass, squeezing a moan out of her. She reached up and fondled her own breasts, and she allowed me to reach behind her and unclasp the bra, unleashing her treasures.
I took off my own shirt as she leaned her face down and kissed me, the gyrations starting to get more needy.
"F-fuck, I want you, Y/N." Her breath came out shaky as she found the perfect spot to grind on and jumped on it, increasing the speed of her movements.
I pushed my boxers down past my thighs and finally freed myself, and she gasped. "Oh my god, you're so big..."
She quickly rid herself of her thong and returned to my lap, lining me up with her entrance and slowly sinking down, suppressing a whimper as she felt herself being filled up. I stretched her out inch by inch until her crotch met my base. Her head fell back and she took a second to adjust, before she started to bounce on top of me. My cock was driven in and out of her tight tunnel, and it was overwhelming. She must not've had anyone in a while because she was certainly the tightest I'd ever had. She clenched around me on purpose on the way down, forcing a groan out of my mouth.
"Does it feel good sweetie?"
I didn't answer immediately, mind lost in the sensations she was causing me. Her thin hand slipped around my neck, not gripping but making her assertion clear.
"Does it feel good?" Her voice dropped a little lower.
"Yes, noona."
Her smile returned. "Good."
I pressed a finger to her clit, and moved it up and down in time with her bouncing. She kept kneading her own tits, moaning and squealing adorably.
"Fuck, noona, you're tight!" The pleasure was too good, she was going to make me cum. "So tight!"
"I know, hold on baby." She purred. "Don't cum yet."
Doing so was difficult, but I managed to stave off the impending orgasm and let her keep spearing her pussy on me. I brought my hand down on her ass, making her yelp, and she bounced harder, raising her eyebrows.
"Now now, let's – ahh – control ourselves, hmm?"
"Yes, s-sorry noona."
Seolhyun suppressed another cry and gripped my shoulders, humping into me with barely controlled lust.
"Such a nice dick, big and hard for me, yeah?"
I only moaned in reply, meeting her bounces with thrusts, jabbing deeper into her. She clenched around me harder in an involuntary response, failing to muffle her yells on each thrust.
"Noona," I groaned, "what about the–fuck–secretary? Won't she-"
"No, she won't."
I inwardly shrugged and thrusted harder, teetering dangerously on the verge of cumming inside her.
"Fuck, I can't hold on," I gripped her hips and pulled her down, jabbing into her. "Should I pull out?"
"No," she murmured, her eyebrows contracting. "Cum inside me!"
Unable to stave it off any longer, I felt that rush of pleasure, the tensing of my entire body. Her eyes flew open and she gasped at the first spurt. She rode it out until she'd taken every last drop from me, and then relaxed her body. Our heavy breaths eventually slowed, and she got off me and quickly got dressed.
"Fuck, you're good. You'll have no trouble in that area, no trouble at all. Rest up, Suzy will want her turn. And get at least partially dressed, she'll want to strip you too." She paused for a moment. "She's the exact opposite of me in the bedroom. She likes to be dominated."
I smirked widely. "Oh, I don't think I'll have any trouble with that."
She returned the smirk. "Neither do I. Well, have fun..."
I heard the sound of a door opening and shutting behind me, and two female voices outside for a few seconds. I pulled on my pants, got out of the chair, and leaned against it, facing the door. The door opened and Suzy sidled in, hands clasped in front of her. She bit her lip when she caught sight of me, and I got off the desk.
I let her take her time approaching, her hips subtly swaying with each step. She reached me and slid a hand over my bare chest, a small and shy smile on her face. Her demeanor had completely changed, something I was more than willing to take advantage of.
I snaked my hand up her chest and fastened it around her neck. She gasped and bit her lip again, leaning into me. I turned her around and pushed her against the desk, my other hand slithering to her skirt and pulling it up. She moaned as I slipped my hand into her black panties and slowly rubbed her slit.
"Mmm," she whimpered, "ohh yes, that's good..."
"Yeah, you like that baby?"
"Mmhmm," she replied in a high pitched tone, nodding eagerly with her eyes closed. I tightened my grip on her neck, and she inhaled sharply.
"What was that?"
"Yes, daddy..."
"Good girl." I growled in her ear, fingering her harder, and her breathing got faster and heavier.
"Daddy it feels so good," she moaned, then cried out at me circling her clit with my thumb. "Oh please daddy, harder!"
I slipped two fingers into her pussy and moved them around slowly, curling them down into her g-spot. She clutched my arm and took in a deep, shaky breath, mouth falling open.
"Fuck! I'm gonna cum!"
"Do it," I muttered, busy at work on her pussy. "Cum for me."
"Ohh fuck, faster, please!" I obliged, moving faster and strumming her spots like the strings of a guitar. Her body trembled and her walls clenched around me, almost crushing my fingers. I slipped a third inside her and pushed, now knuckle deep. But I wasn't about to let her cum so quick, I had much more to do to her.
Suzy's eyes had rolled back by the time I pulled my fingers out, and she'd fallen silent in nearly orgasmic bliss. She looked down at my drenched and motionless fingers and immediately put on adorable puppy eyes.
"Please let me cum, daddy," she begged submissively. "Please, I need to cum..."
"Oh, you need to?"
"Yes, daddy, I do..."
I turned her around and bent her over the desk, then resumed my fingering at a much slower pace. She bucked her hips back into my outstretched fingers, whining needily.
"Faster, please!" She pleaded. "I need to cum, please daddy, let me cum, harder, please..."
I slapped her ass and she yelped, clenching around me again. "Be quiet."
"Yes, daddy."
I did pick up the pace a little, and employed my thumb to rub her clit, continuing the spanks since I noticed she enjoyed it. I was feeling an increasing desire to take my pants off and pound her senseless, but I wanted to make her cum with just my fingers first. And I was very, very close to doing so, judging by her facial and vocal expressions.
"So–good–yes–please–cumming!" Her pleas had spiraled into unintelligible babble as she got closer to her climax. "Harder–fuck–gonna cum!"
My shoulder was beginning to feel sore from the exertion I was putting it through, but I ignored it and kept pumping into her, paying special attention to her more sensitive areas and driving her insane with pleasure. Every stroke brought her closer to her release, and finally it was too much for her.
"OH F-FUCK!" Body trembling and writhing, Suzy orgasmed with a loud cry, her juices gushing out over my fingers. Her pussy tensed and spasmed uncontrollably on them.
Noticing her legs wobbling dangerously, I held her up and helped her into the chair. Her face was flushed red and stray strands of hair were sticking to her sweat-sheened forehead.
"D-daddy..." she whimpered, giving me the puppy eyes again, "I want you..."
I rid myself of my pants and boxers and approached her, seeing arousal flare in her eyes at the sight of me.
"Give me your dick, daddy." She sat up and reached forward, grasping my now-hard cock.
I reached down and pulled her hands off. "Hands to yourself, baby girl. Get on your knees."
"Yes, daddy."
She knelt in front of me, and I grabbed her head by her hair and pulled it forward, guiding my cock into her mouth.
"Mmph!" She raised her hands to my thighs and gave them a small nip as my shaft slid down her tight, squeezing throat.
She gagged a bit and struggled, but didn't tap out, instead massaging the underside of my cock with her tongue.
"Mm, such a good girl," I said, twirling her hair around my fingers and pulling her deeper. "Such a good little slut for me."
One of her hands left my leg and I heard an obscene squelch, combined with a moan into my dick. She was getting turned on by the little bit of dirty talk already.
"A stupid little whore, aren't you?" I continued, flinging out whatever dirty names I could fish up from memory of past sub girls. "Just a dirty slut."
She nodded and moaned again, her arm working more furiously beneath her skirt. I gritted my teeth and let my head tip back.
"Fuck, that feels good," I felt her self-pleased smile against my base. "Keep going, baby girl."
She choked and a little saliva ran down her chin, closely followed by a tear from her effort. She took the other hand off my leg and started caressing her own breast, eyes rolling in her head at the pleasure she was giving herself.
Her lower face was slowly becoming a mess of tears mixing with saliva from her sloppy blowjob. The mess she was making of herself clearly turned her on. From what little I could see of the face that was buried in my crotch, her eyebrows were turned up, I could feel her jaw starting to go slack. I gripped her hair harder and thrust my hips harder, drawing nearer to my own orgasm. But I wasn't going to cum before I'd fucked her, so I semi-reluctantly pulled out of her throat. She sat back and caught her breath for a moment before she stood up and bent over the desk, wiggling her ass enticingly.
I pushed into her with absolutely no hesitation, and she was wet enough that I didn't need to play with her any more. She was even tighter than Seolhyun, and I put my hand over her mouth to suppress her loud moan.
"Shhh." I murmured, and let go of her mouth. "Keep that pretty little mouth quiet."
I started thrusting into her, fast and steady. Her hands gripped the edge of the desk and she gritted her teeth to keep from making noise. I reached forward and grabbed her hair, forming it into a rough ponytail and pulling her head back.
"Daddy, it's too good, I can't hold b-back," she moaned, biting her lip. "You're so big, fuck..."
I fucked her faster, the desk creaking a little under the repeated motion. I could tell she was trying her best to keep herself from crying out, but I also knew it was coming.
"F-fuck, I can't...I can't...keep...quiet..."
She was shaking with suppressed pleasure and bucking her hips back on me. I slapped her ass, making her squeal, and pulled on her hair harder. Her tight hole compressed around my cock like it was made for me, the perfect balance between ease and resistance. I pushed two of my fingers on my other hand into her mouth, and she started sucking on them, moaning quietly.
"Give me more, please, daddy," she murmured, voice barely audible. "Faster, please...nghh yes keep going!"
My hips smacked against her thick ass with each thrust, the claps reverberating around the small room. I took my hand away from her mouth and brought it down to her clit, rubbing circles and pressing down, making the volume increase dramatically.
"Didn't I tell you to stay quiet?" I smacked her ass again.
"A-ah! Yes, daddy, I'm s-sorry!"
"Good." I resumed my fingering, making her whimper in her effort. It only took a few seconds of determined caressing of her clit to bring her resolve crumbing down once more.
"Fuck! It's so good daddy, please don't stop! Yes, yes, yes, more!"
I pulled out of her pussy and spanked her plump ass again. "Guess you're getting punished, baby girl."
"No, please! Please don't stop, I'm so close!" She desperately bucked her hips, trying to get me to fuck her again.
I didn't reply, but hauled her onto the desk and spread her legs, reaching forward to choke her. She gasped at the sensation of my head pressing into her pussy again, but nodded after a moment.
I snapped my hips forward and, due to how slick my cock was from her slick, easily pushed most of my length into her, drawing a guttural groan from her. She looked at me with pleading eyes, her expression indicating just how needy she was.
"Fuck my pussy hard, daddy," she breathed, "pound me like I'm your little slut."
"You are my little slut." I gripped her neck tighter and started my thrusts at a slower pace, still powerful. "Understood?"
"Yes, daddy."
"Good girl."
She shuddered and moaned, eyes rolling back in her head as I fucked her.
"Ohh yes, that feels so good..." she whined, hands still clutching the table's edge. "God yes, please keep going..."
"Shut up." I said "This is your punishment, remember?"
"Mmhmm!" She nodded vigorously. "It's my–fuck–punishment..."
I spanked her ass again and drove my cock into her faster. This hadn't been what I'd expected when I'd come in here, but I certainly wasn't complaining about the outcome.
"I'm gonna cum," I growled in her ear. "And you're going to take it all like a good girl, aren't you?"
"Yes, daddy," she gasped, her walls tightening around me as she bucked her hips. "I want all your cum in me!"
Her words sent me over the edge, and with a groan I buried myself inside her pussy and exploded, firing my hot cum deep into her womb. A rush of pleasure flowed through me, sending the feeling everywhere from my fingers to my toes. My muscles tightened and contracted, involuntarily sending my hips into her ass again. She jerked and trembled as the waves of orgasmic pleasure overtook her too, a powerful jet of cum spraying me.
"Fuck, daddy, yes!" She screamed, back arching. "S-so fucking good, yes!"
I pulled out of her pussy and collapsed back into the chair, sufficiently tired out for the time being. Her legs relaxed and fell into a resting position, and she slumped back and laid down.
...
It was a little while before either of us found the energy to do much other than pant and sit there resting. I heard the door creak open, looked over the top of the chair, and saw half of Seolhyun's grinning face peeking through the small opening.
"Yes?"
She smiled wider and closed the door, eyes raking over Suzy's slumped and naked form before doing so. I stood up and pushed the chair aside, went to and opened the door, and gestured Seolhyun in.
"You up for another round?" She asked immediately.
"Hell yes. Think Suzy's out, though."
"I want to ride your face." Her words were clear and decisive. I was entirely okay with that, so I laid down on my back on the carpeted floor. She then stripped off the large nightshirt she'd covered with and stood over my face, giving me an incredible view of everything she had to give. With no further ado she lowered her pussy onto my awaiting mouth and started grinding. I had a perfect visual of her softly whining and caressing her own breasts as she rubbed her slit against my tongue, which was prodding, swiping, and licking any part of her that was sensitive. She let out soft moans, moving her hips back and forth and pleasuring herself on my mouth.
As I was busy eating her out, I heard a creak from the desk and soft footsteps on the plush carpet. A minute later, Suzy's hands slid over my thighs and my cock was suddenly enveloped in a warmth which I could only assume to be her mouth. I groaned into Seolhyun's pussy and kept up my exertions, very quickly pushing her to her climax.
"Oh, fuck, just like that baby," she moaned, biting her lip and closing her eyes. Her eyebrows contracted as I circled her clit with the tip of my tongue. "Oh yes, I'm gonna cum!"
I worked my tongue harder, pushing into her entrance firmly. She shuddered and her legs tensed around my head, a sure sign of her approaching orgasm.
"Oh, you're so good at this, fuck! Oh god yes yes, don't stop!" I smirked, my ego stroked, and bucked my own hips a little into Suzy's mouth. Her tongue disappeared from my shaft momentarily and then something much wetter, much tighter pressed down on it. I let my head fall back a little as she impaled her warm, throbbing pussy on my cock, the pleasure doubling. I heard a loud cry from behind Seolhyun and I automatically started thrusting up into her.
For several minutes more, Suzy fucked me and I tonguefucked Seolhyun. She had been reduced to mindless pleas for more, body on autopilot as she gyrated her hips on my face. I was apparently way better with my tongue than I thought, and it was only a few more seconds before all three of us reached our peaks at the same time.
I went first, blowing up her pussy with a deluge of hot jizz that triggered her to cum; her warm juices splattered my abs and ran down my sides. Seolhyun's grinding sped up exponentially and then with a scream she met her orgasm. Her cum squirted into my waiting mouth and she fell back into Suzy's lap with an exhausted moan. We all stayed there for a moment more, basking in the after-orgasm bliss, before a notification pinged Seolhyun's phone. She picked it up, read the message, and scoffed. I looked up and could make out a text from one of her superiors:
"Having fun?"
She looked over at the security camera in the corner and gave it a sarcastic wave before putting down her phone and getting up. She dressed again quickly and left.
Suzy stood up clumsily a second later, a small trickle of my cum falling onto my abs. She too got dressed and left, leaving me alone in Seolhyun's office. I stood up, wiped my own cum off my abs with a paper towel, and put my boxers and pants back on. From what I could hear outside, one of the superiors had come down to see what was going on, judging by the voices outside.
"–yes, he was amazing. He knows his stuff." Seolhyun's voice said.
"Suzy?" said a male voice.
"Yes, he's such a good dom, he's so sexy and confident..." She said.
"Good, good. Yet another attribute we can add to the list of perfections. He's sure to be a hit soon enough."
I smiled and pulled away from the door, ego points going through the roof right about then. The conversation continued for a couple more minutes, then the door opened and one of my managers came in, dressed in a suit and tie.
"Ah, Y/N." He said briskly. "If you'll be so kind as to put on a shirt, you've been requested by one of your producers. He wants to talk about your title track, something about the lead sounds on the track. I really have no idea what the issue is, but he said he needs you right away."
I pulled my shirt over my head and refastened my tie around it, leaving the blazer on the chair. "He's been fussing about that for about a week. Might as well go see what we can improve."
"Thank you. Now, if you'll follow me..."
I followed him out the door and into the hall, where Suzy and Seolhyun were both standing, still flushed red. I threw Suzy a wink as I passed and she blushed harder, giggling. A satisfied smirk back on my face and confidence swelling within me, I followed the manager down the hall towards the studio, feeling that things could only go well from here.
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Red Lights
Ex!Lando Norris x Reader, Oscar Piastri x reader
Part 1
“You’re not exhausting.” He couldn’t stop himself. “You’re like a sip of cold water on a hot day. You’re the feeling I get sitting on the grid, waiting for those red lights. You’re exciting and terrifying and I’m sorry I waited so long to say it but…” 
A/n: Hiiii guess who's back pookies, I totally not have an anatomy paper to write and procrastinated by writing this
“Being in a relationship while being in F1 is exhausting.. That could just be me though. “
Lando  said the words so offhandedly that you’d almost missed them, but the meaning couldn't be interpreted any differently. You were exhausting. You could see his PR person gently hit his arm at the statement and he quickly changed the subject. 
The silence in your shared hotel room wrapped around you and before you knew it you had begun to pack your suitcase. Lando wouldn’t be due back for a few hours at least and that was enough time to pack up and get to the airport. 
Your phone buzzed as you were wheeling your suitcase to sit next to the door of the room. 
OP81:  I know you saw the interview. Are you ok? 
Y/n : No.
Y/n: Did you know that he felt that way? That I’m exhausting and he’s not in love? 
OP81: I was as blindsided as you. I thought you guys were great. He always talked about how he couldn't imagine life without you. 
OP81: Have you spoken to Lando? 
Y/n: No and I'm not planning to, I’m about to head to the airport. 
OP81: Need a ride? 
25 minutes later you are sitting in the passenger seat of Oscar’s hire car on your way to the airport. He hadn’t said anything the whole ride, just peeked at you periodically as you stared at the passing cars on the highway. 
“If you’re planning on jumping out, just know I already put the child lock on… and besides a guy who thinks you’re exhausting isn't worth jumping onto the highway” He says, glancing over again. 
“Duly noted.” you say, not even glancing towards him. 
“What are you going to do when you get back to Monaco? It’ll only be two days and Lando will be back, do you have somewhere to stay?” There’s a hint of worry in his voice. You realise that you didn’t know he cared that much. 
“I’ll figure something out. I’m sure I can stay in a hotel for a few days.” 
“You can stay at my place, if you want?’ Oscar suggests, “I’ve got more rooms than I know what to do with” 
You nod slightly, “That would actually be really good, I don’t think I can face being in our flat right now.” 
Oscar smoothly pulls up at the departure gate. He pulls the suitcase from the back for you. He looks at you, his expression blank but his eyes showing a hint of concern. Oscar pulls a set of keys from his pocket. 
“Here, I’ll text you the address.” He presses the keys into your hand. “Just…”  His hand comes up to wipe across his face, “Take care, y/n” 
You nod and pull Oscar into a hug. “Thank you,osc”,  you begin to tear up, “for everything. I know he’s your friend.” 
“He may be my friend but you’re my friend too,” He says into your shoulder, “ You didn’t deserve to be treated like that.”
Oscar leaves a gentle kiss on your cheek, and heads towards the car. You give him a tight smile and wave after him as he drives off. 
It was thankfully early when you arrived at Oscar’s Monaco flat. You really didn’t need any more attention on your relationship than you’d had in the past 4 hours. 
After the flood of twitter and instagram notifications regarding the comments Lando had made, it had been easier to deactivate your social media than have to look at the messages from Lando’s fans. Some were nice, sure, but the majority, or what felt like the majority, were people saying that they knew you were never good enough for him. That you’d been using him for attention or money. 
There were two messages from Lando. 
Lan: Oscar said he took you to the airport
Lan: Don’t you think you might be overreacting? 
Oscar’s flat was quiet, aside from the humm of Monaco nightlife. You never understood why New York was “the city that never sleeps” when Monaco was constantly alive from early morning cafes to midnight casino’s to the drunken groups stumbling back to hotels at 4am. 
You hadn’t left the flat for two days by the time Oscar got back on Monday morning. Curled up in bed, sporadically getting up for cups of tea before stumbling back to bed to continue the routine of crying and staring at the ceiling of the spare room. 
He knocked gently on the doorframe, leaning against it with an unreadable expression. 
“I won,” He stated. 
Your head snapped towards him at the sound of his voice, “Osc” You rasped,voice hoarse after days of crying. “What?”
“I won,” He repeated, “for you.” He cleared his throat, as if he hadn’t intended to say the second part. 
“For me?” You questioned. 
“You’re not exhausting.” He couldn’t stop himself. “You’re like a sip of cold water on a hot day. You’re the feeling I get sitting on the grid, waiting for those red lights. You’re exciting and terrifying and I’m sorry I waited so long to say it but…” 
He trailed off. “I’m sorry. I know this isn't the right time.” He turned and retreated into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. 
You stared at the ceiling of the room. How could you have not noticed? Every interaction with Oscar flashed in your mind. First meeting him while out clubbing with Lando after hearing so much about Lando’s new teammate; To late night runs to get ice cream cause Lando didn’t want to ruin his diet, that became habit on a Thursday night as Oscar needed his ‘secret weapon for the weekend; to the words Oscar had just breathed into your room.
You’re exciting and terrifying and I’m sorry I waited so long to say it but…
But what?
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pinkanonwrites · 8 months
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Always Tip Your Bartender
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MTMTE Swerve/Human Reader, 2000 words, GN Reader, Valveplug, Oral, Begging
I finally stopped procrastinating on this and I'm so glad I did cause I really enjoy it. Here's Swerve getting his spike sucked AND his valve ate as a treat.
Primus, you were going to kill him. Or break up with him, which would pretty much accomplish the same thing cause Swerve didn't really know how he would live without you. 
Either way, he was dead. And he had no one to blame but himself.
The evening had been going so well. You'd always insisted how much you enjoyed watching him work, and he was more than happy to have you sitting at the edge of the bar, dangling your feet off the side and chatting with whatever bot occupied the nearest barstool as he flitted around taking orders and refilling drinks. Whenever he'd brush past you'd hit him with that brilliant smile, the one that made him go all weak in the processor and wobbly in the knee joints, before playfully waving him off, insisting he gets back to work. 
Was it incredibly distracting? Yes. 
Had he broken several glasses while admiring you? Also yes. 
Would he ever want you to stop? Not in a billion cycles.
But tonight had been particularly busy, and maybe Swerve hadn't been able to give you quite as much attention between orders as he usually had. A concept that had completely slipped his mind until the moment Whirl raised a single claw and pointed you out across the bar.
"Don't look now, Chatterbot. But I think Fizzle over there's making a move on your fleshy!"
Spinning on his heel, there was a tight clench in Swerve's tanks when his optics landed on you. Fizzle stood, drink in servo and elbow strut propped on the bar, leaning more than a little bit too close into your personal space. Every time you seemed to shuffle back he moved closer, and though Swerve wasn't the best at reading lips he could tell by the furrow for your brow and crinkle of your nose that you were not enjoying the conversation at hand. He tossed the tray he was holding onto Whirl's table and ducked through the crowd, dodging flailing elbows of dancing patrons as he hurried back to your side.
As he neared, the drone of chatter and thumping music gave away enough that he could finally begin to pick up snippets of your conversation.
"I mean, everybody's curious!" Fizzle slurred, identifiably sloshed just by the way he spoke. "Just cause you don't hear bots talking about it doesn't mean we're not all thinking it."
"Look, dude, I'm not really comfortable with you asking about-"
"So how's it work, huh? Barely the size of a mini-con and you can still get spiked down by one of us? Swerve's kinda puny, yeah, but he's like twice your size! Got a real greedy little valve, don't y-HGGK!?!"
The next thing Swerve knew, Fizzle was laid out flat on his back at the edge of the dance floor. It took the sudden, hushed stares of the surrounding patrons and the sting of his knuckles before Swerve realized that the one who had punched the words out of Fizzle's slimy, inconsiderate intake was him. 
"Swerve!"
Oh Primus. You did not sound happy.
"I was- he'd just-" He stammered, making aborted hand gestures in between you and himself and the 'not unconscious but fairly woozy' Fizzle. "I don't, uh, he uh, really shouldn't be talking like that."
You hopped down from the bar and stalked over to him, gripping the edge of his forearm plating with an unexpected force and tugging him in the direction of the storeroom. He could have resisted you, if he wanted to. But he let himself be led away instead, pedes scuffing and dermas trembling as you tugged him along. The rolling din of the bar began to pick up again as you moved away, and Swerve could swear he heard Whirl yell something sarcastically supportive over the rumble of the crowd. A sound that was quickly cut off with the resounding metal slam of the storage room door.
“Um… H-Hi, sweetspark. Angel. Light of my life.”
“Get down here.” You snapped your fingers, pointing to the ground. Swerve slowly took a knee.
“Look, about Fizzle. I’m sorry, okay! I know I shouldn’t have hit him like that, I just couldn’t let- MMPFH?!~”
But before he could finish his desperate apology your lips were meeting his own, fingertips gripping and caressing the sides of his helm and brushing a ticklish trail along his armor. Your tongue lathed across the seam of his dermas and he couldn't help but open his intake to you, servo falling instinctively into the curve of your spine as you deepened the kiss. He let out a low, needy rumble of his engine when you began to pull away and you chuckled.
“Whu… Whuh?” He managed to force out, his processor still halfway caught between the realization that you weren't actually mad at him.
“I can't believe you actually punched him. In the face. That was the hottest thing I've ever seen.”
“So you're not- mmfh,~” His train of thought was only slightly interrupted by you pressing another wet kiss to his dermas. “Not mad?”
“Why would I be mad? He deserved it. Plus, I got to see my big, strong bot standing up for my honor.~”
“Ohhhh, thank Primus.” Swerve slumped his helm into the crook of your neck and let out a relieved groan, half from his own emotions and half from the pleasant tickle of your little fingers toying with the exposed cabling just beneath his helm. You had put a foot up on the bend of his thigh in order to reach him properly, and his servo gave your butt a soft squeeze when it came up to support you. “Thought you were gonna tear into me back here, to be honest.”
“Aww, did I worry you?” You pressed another fluttering kiss to the curve of his jaw. “And here I was thinking I should be giving you a reward instead.” He shivered as your lips traced just below his audial. A familiar clang and a muffled curse reverberated from Swerve, the unmistakable sounds of his spike pressurizing behind its panels. “That sounds like a yes?”
“Hoo yeah. Absolutely. Yes please. Whatever you want, sweetspark.”
“Wanna say yes a few more times?” You joked, sliding from his grasp and sinking slowly to your knees in front of Swerve’s modesty panel. As your fingers traced over his Autobrand the panels snapped back with a snikt and his chubby spike pressurized eagerly into your hands.
“Do you need me to?” He babbled through a wobbly grin. “Cause I will! I'll say whatever you want me to say if it'll keep your hands on me.” 
“...Y’know what? Yeah. I like that. Keep talking for me, baby.”
“Y-Yeah? I can talk all da-AaAaaAayy!?” His words choked off into a glitchy, garbled mess as you teased the underside of his head with the tips of your fingers. “Oh, oh! Mmmhmm, ahh! That’s se-sensitive…”
“I know, baby.” You cooed. Your fingers traced the biolights up the length of his spike before smearing the bead of transfluid at the tip wetly across the head. Swerve’s panels rattled as he shuddered, digits clawing absentmindedly at the door he was braced against to keep his hands from gripping his own spike. “That’s what makes it good though, isn’t it?”
“Mmh! So mean,” A low curl of steam hissed between his dentae.
“You love it.~”
“M-Maybe… Hngh!~” He gasped as you pinched the head between two fingers. “Ah! Ah! O-Okay, I do! I like it! Please, just- Ohhhh…~” He trailed off into another garbled mess as your lips wrapped around the tip, teasing the slit with your tongue. You took as much of his spike into your mouth as you could, stroking the rest in a tight fist as you swallowed around the solid, unrelenting obtrusion. The sharp metallic screech of his fingers gripping the door was only drowned out by his whines and gasps, staticky glitches increasing which each bob of your head. Drool and pre-fluid trickled from the corners of your mouth and down his length, further slicking your hand. When you pulled away with a wet, shaky breath, Swerve thought his spark was going to pop out of his chassis right then and there, valve cycling desperately around nothing as you pressed a slick kiss to the underside of his spike head with a barely audible moan.
“Swerve.” You murmured, your eyes hooded and glossy, your lips still grazing his spike.
“Yes?” He responded, twice as desperate and equally as enamored.
“Spread your legs for me. Push your hips out a little more.”
He let out a low, whimpering groan, widening his stance and pushing his hips out from against the wall. You ducked your head further, keeping a tight hand around his spike as you dragged your tongue up the length of his valve. 
“Ohh!~ Oh, oh that’s- ahhhh, ah, ah!~” Swerve did his best to fight the urge to wriggle, stabilizers shivering with need as you buried your mouth in his plush folds. Each time your nose bumped against his anterior node he let out a hiccuping gasp, transfluid dribbling  from both his tip and his valve as his calipers cycled around your intruding tongue. “It's so soooft, y-your mouth, I can’t- MMH!~ Oh, oh, please I- please make me…”
“You wanna cum?” You murmured, lips still pressed to his valve as you furiously stroked his spike, the rhythmic shlick shlick shlick almost drowned out by Swerve’s whirring fans and desperate whines.
“Yes, yes yes please! P-please, I want it, I want- AHHH!~” His vocalizer pitched up into a staticky howl as you took his node between your lips and sucked, hard. He glitched and wailed, helm thunking back against the door as his spike pulsed again and again in your grip, thick waves of transfluid shooting over your head and splattering against the store room floor. His valve clenched rhythmically, more translucent, pinkish fluid spilling down your chin and neck in kind. Only when he stopped shivering beneath you and fell limply back against the door did you draw away, fighting the prideful smile that tried to crawl across your face at Swerve’s ragged venting and still-flickering visor. You rested your cheek against his plated thigh, stroking the other with the hand no longer cradling his flagging spike. His helm lolled forward a bit, clarity beginning to blink back into his optics as he gazed down at you. Suddenly he let out a sharp gasp, one servo flying to cup the back of your head, digits splayed and feeling around frantically. Then he let out a soft, relieved sigh, the desperate groping of his servo slowing into something absent-minded and soothing.
“Whew. I didn't get any in your hair.” A quiet chuckle slipped through his dermas as he twiddled a bit of your hair between two digits. 
“Got it a few other places though. Not that I'm complaining.” You made a show of wiping your fingers across your chin before drawing them into your mouth and lapping them free of his fluids. He shivered, a delicate blue glow rising to his face plate, split wide in a crooked smile.
“C-careful now, or you might get me all charged up again. Then we’ll be here all night.”
“You’re saying that like you think it'd be a bad thing.” You teased.
“It wouldn't, if I didn't have to get back to work soon…” Swerve trailed off, that gentle glow beginning to rise into a furious blush. “How, uh… How much of that do you think they could hear?”
Beyond the door you could just barely make out a congratulatory cheer in a voice that sounded just a little bit too close to Whirl’s. His celebration seemed to be working up the crowd, and soon a resounding cacophony was echoing through the storeroom door. Swerve’s free servo flew up to cover his face plate, helm clanking back against the door as he let out a humiliated groan.
“Oh Primus. I'm never gonna live this down.”
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tarot-by-e11e · 24 days
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PAC: "What are you in denial about?"
After a long time of doing ask games, I finally got to sit on my procrastinating tush and try making another PAC reading.
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We all have something we struggle to accept about ourselves, things we are subconsciously in denial about. It can be a habit, a little quirk that we're lowkey embarrassed about, or anything about ourselves that we tend to struggle to openly admit.
So, I want everyone who sees this PAC to know...
"Every facet, every aspect of yourself, even the parts that you struggle to accept or find a hard time resonating with, every little thing that makes the whole you, is worth loving and accepting.
Always remember, you're never too much or not enough for the right person."
(Note: this is for entertainment purposes only. Feel free to accept the parts that resonate and leave what doesn't. Never forget that you have free will.)
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Choose the picture that you intuitively feel called to:
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(the images do not belong to me.)
(TW: Some piles mentioned heavy topics, like pain, trauma or ab-se. Don't read through this pile if you're already going through tough times.)
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Pile 1: 8 of Wands, Page of Swords, 6 of Wands
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Hi Pile 1, the first thing that you are in denial about is how cutthroat your cut-off game is~ You’re the type that doesn’t really need a lot of time to recover from any terrible/unfortunate situation in your life. You’re not the type to cry over spilled milk.
For you, the world doesn’t stop spinning regardless if you cry your heart out or eat a whole tub of ice cream under your weighted blanket, so why get stuck with what ended?
Another interpretation for the first card is your ability to make sound decisions on the spot. This applies to your career. If a certain opportunity shows up in front of you, you can make decisive actions then and there, whether you would accept it or redirect this opportunity to someone who fits their description more.
With this specific interpretation, I picked up that Pile 1 is ambitious but not greedy (which is considered as rare combo in this day and age). If you happen to encounter a chance opportunity that will greatly benefit someone else, you don’t hesitate to recommend that person instead of taking the opportunity yourself.
It would seem that this pile subconsciously knows that opportunities are everywhere and it doesn’t run out. So why take every opportunity in front of you when you know one of your peers better fits that opportunity's requirements and skillset? You’re the pile that loves to share your blessings because sharing is caring~
The last tidbit interpretation for the first card is you’re in denial about your impulsive shopping addiction, thinking of ordering something impulsively online when you’re just about to sleep. I can already sense some of you are in denial about how many items are there in your online shopping cart~
The next thing you’re in denial about is your knowledgeable, witty, and chatty side. This card actually made me feel sad because it seems that you were made to feel that you are too talkative, some of you might be bullied about being a know-it-all.
This pile was made to believe that knowing a lot doesn’t make a lot of friends. That people who know less than you have more friends, so if you really wanted to make more friends, you were told to “dumb down” to make you more “relatable”.
There’s nothing wrong with having multiple interests and wanting to talk about it. Knowing a little bit of everything makes for an amazing conversationalist. So please, don’t let yourself be pressured to be stupid just to make friends. If the people around you aren’t interested in your niche, there’s the rest of the world that would gladly hear you talk about your interests.
Finally, the last thing you’re in denial about is you don’t feel worthy of the success and victory you aspire to achieve. Pile 1, please I beg you don’t be too hard on yourself. You don’t have to suffer to deserve the abundance you’re working hard to achieve, okay?
You deserve to be celebrated. You deserve to have your hard work be recognized. You owning up to your achievements and success doesn’t make you an arrogant person. You simply know your worth, more like, you’ll soon know your worth. There’s nothing wrong with giving credit where it is due, okay?
(this concludes your reading, Pile 1. Thank you for reading the whole interpretation of your cards. I do hope you give yourself the time and space to accept yourself, your flaws, and flaunts)
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Pile 2: Queen of Swords, Hermit, Ace of Cups
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(TW: I might unintentionally call your pile out. I do this with love, but seems my words might be a bit too blunt. So... sorry in advance)
Hi Pile 2, from the first card, it seems that you are in denial about your capability to be independent. It seems that this pile might be my parentified, burnt-out eldest child, “I can’t rely on anyone but myself; yet into too tired, so I just decided to give up on trying in life” kind of group. Could also be my fellow millennial pile~ The whole, “I was robbed of my childhood” pile.
Pile 2, it seems that you’ve seen that being a reliable and mature child brought you more headaches and early signs of grey hair, due to overwhelming stress and dysregulated nervous system. You’re like, “Screw it, I’m done being reliable, so I’m gonna start not taking the lead and just hole up in my apartment and enjoy being a NEET.
Being overly independent made a lot of people unnecessarily dump you with everybody else’s problems, which made you the community’s unofficial unpaid therapist. Being such a people pleaser, tending to everyone else’s needs led you to disregard your own well-being and sanity, to the point when you’ve had enough.
So now, you could have probably stopped trying because overachievers are forced to be people-pleasing over-givers, and you have had enough of that collective abuse of your giving and understanding nature. So you just stopped trying altogether. This led you to your current situation. Either in a dead-end job, having multiple part-time jobs that barely pay the rent at the end of the month, or unemployed. I should include a trigger warning on this pile before posting.
So with the first card alone, you’ve become hopeless and resentful of the world outside your four walls. Because when you took the initiative and did your best, instead of appreciation, you were buried with responsibilities that were never yours from the very beginning. Pile 2, you were unappreciated, that’s why you’ve reached your limit and stopped trying. But because of this self-sabotaging approach in life, you suffer due to a lack of resources, which then would further aggravate your already pessimistic outlook in life.
But here’s the thing, Pile 2. You know what you need to do to get out of your situation. You have the ability to make your life better. One way to ensure that what happened to you before won’t happen again is by establishing healthy boundaries with people around you. Yes, my chronic people-pleasing pile, I’m gonna hold your hand (in spirit) and tell this rather hard pill-to-swallow suggestion, Learn to Say NO.
I know, it sucks because it might be something you were never taught that you are allowed to do when you grew up. Either you have Pisces, Cancer, or Libra in the 4th house or you have prominent Pisces, Cancer, or Libra personal placements.
I really hate to be a bringer of bad news but in establishing healthy boundaries, you will finally learn which people in your life benefitted from your lack of boundaries previously.
Clue: they get mad that you told them No and they said that you changed in a rather condescending manner. That’s just a little clue, my Pile 2.
So from giving up on life to starting over again and owning up to your ability to be independent, it’s not an overnight change, this is a continuous journey of turning your life around for the better. So my dear Pile 2, be kind, patient and compassionate towards yourself on your path to independency.
Your whole body was so used to be in survival mode, then it went to freeze mode, so you need to work hard to regulate your nervous system to learn to be okay to put yourself out into the world again. That it’s safe to try again. That it’s okay to live your life the way you know works best for you.
Just always remember, to establish strong and healthy boundaries first, and then learn to soften a bit with selective people, every now and then. Use your discernment who deserves to have access in your life and be firm with your boundaries whenever some unsavory character tries to ruin and poison your peace.
You know what you can do, and you know what you’re capable of achieving. Regardless on how old you are right now, as long as you live, you are allowed to start over again.
Another thing you are in denial about is your natural ability for self-reflection. Some people have to learn to be self-aware enough to reflect on their actions and their impact on others, but you Pile 2 are a natural at it.
You might have experienced some sort of ostracization from your peers because you didn’t let yourself immediately conform and fit in. But you knew that doing what everyone else is doing, isn’t something that’s aligned with you. It’s like every cell in your body rejects any peer pressure that doesn’t align with your goals and belief system.
This could also be interpreted as you are in denial about being comfortable with being socially withdrawn. Being in isolation for so long, you’ve learned to be okay by yourself. This leads back to the first card about your ability to be independent. Since you can do things on your own, you don’t really rely on others, which is a jab towards people who crave constant external validation.
Your ability to be good on your own is frowned upon by a society that heavily advertises a collective, community-centric system. This ruffles a lot of feathers of those who heavily depend on others to decide everything in their lives. Basically, people with a sheep mentality won’t like you.
Which, in all honesty, it’s a great thing that people who can’t think for themselves don’t like you. Take this as a compliment, not an insult. Why would you want to conform when you know you have the ability to curate your life by your design? Why do you have to conform to look like everyone else, when you can be you for free? Think about that~
Of course, you need to take time to get to know yourself first and the process to that has a series of ups and downs, so just ride the wave with a surfer’s mindset. You’ll learn that their projections of you were never your responsibilities to begin with. Those are mere insecurities they actively decided to inflict on others. It was never your cross to bear. So why be bound by others’ fears when you have your own life to live according to your will?
The last thing you’re in denial is having opportunities to start again. This one felt rather odd to interpret because it feels more like a mindset issue. Particularly, you’re held back by your scarcity mindset, thinking you don’t have any opportunities to be abundant, when in reality, you do, it’s just that, it’s in a way that you never thought was possible. Okay, I think I’m starting to make sense of how this card is being interpreted.
So, do you about how the law of assumption works? What do you assume becomes your reality? It’s kinda like that but, it’s more of your reality unfolding to what you believe in. So let me try to break it down further with an example.
So if you assume that you don’t have a lot of going for you, then your mind will naturally find reasons/proofs around you to back up that belief. Your mind would like to reason why you don’t have a lot. Does this explanation make more sense for you? Do let me know in the comment section.
With that, the reverse is the solution. If you want to find reasons why you are having a great life, phrase your affirmations into questions. So for example, instead of saying, “The universe loves to take care of me”, rephrase it as “How is the universe showing me that it loves to take care of me?”. So when your brain hears that, it will look for signs, proofs, or shreds of evidence around you that will answer that question.
Another affirmation that you can turn into an ASK-firmation is “My life is amazing” into “Why is my life so amazing?”. Just try turning your affirmations into questions, read it first thing before you go to your phone, like any typical affirmation practice. Let me know how it goes.
(So this concludes your reading, Pile 2. I just want you to know that no matter what your age, race, socio economic class is, you have every right and opportunity to try again.)
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Pile 3: World, 7 of Wands, King of Wands
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(TW: I did not expect how unhinged the call-out is in this pile. So… like always, I’m sorry in advance)
Hi Pile 3, based on the first card, it seems that you’re in denial of your desire for belongingness. It’s giving, “I don’t care what anyone else says because I got me; then I cry myself to sleep because fck, I’m so lonely and feels so unwanted.” Yup, this pile needs a trigger warning too.
It could be that picked on you because of your uniqueness or nonconforming personal values. Another potential interpretation is being of mixed race or being in an environment that’s predominantly occupied by a different socio-economic class. There’s this heavy Uranian, almost Aquarius dominant energy in this pile.
Now, you don’t need to have the placements I’ve stated in your chart, this is just the initial vibe of this pile, the socially awkward and outcast pile. Now, as human beings, we’re social creatures, though varies depending on a person’s preference to live more introvertedly or extrovertedly. Even introverts have friends.
So with this pile, you might have been used to this prevalent shadows of alienation and ostracization by your peers/community because of the aforementioned clues above. But just because you’re used to it, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt you or affect you in a negative way.
You know that it’s impossible to be liked by everyone, but it’d be nice to have a few like-minded individuals that you resonate with on a soul level. It’d be nice if you find your own supportive community too, which is absolutely normal. So please don’t shame yourself for wanting to belong. But you also need to remind yourself that if you have to change and dim your light to be accepted, you’re serenading the wrong crowd.
There’s this really niche suggestion because, in this economy, it’s not that easy to just pack up and leave into a different city/country that you feel called to, but if you have the means and you’ve thoroughly done your research, then by all means, pack up and go where you are appreciated.
Basically, the line goes, “Don’t dwell where you’re unappreciated.” But you still need funds, so if it helps you be motivated to get out and move away, try to do as much research on that city/country while working to save up for the necessary expenses you’d likely incur in your first 6 months in that new environment. If you need to learn the language, self-study in your spare time. Slowly find little ways to integrate the culture there into your daily life while preparing to leave.
But yes, pile 3, you’re not asking too much to wanna feel like you belong. There’s nothing wrong with you. So don’t apologize for wanting this, okay?
Another thing you might be in denial about is your overly defensive responses like easily triggered knee-jerk reactions brought about by denying the existence of your unhealed trauma from childhood. Damn, I really should put a trigger warning for this pile. Pile 3, you guys okay?? Still alive, barely breathing??
Seems to me that if you chose this pile, you got a whole lot to unfold. I can’t even make silly jokes to lighten the mood a bit. So the only thing I can do for you so that whatever time of your life you’re reading this, I hope you know, at least one person in the world wants to give you a Long Distance warm hug. I might not be there physically, but I am in spirit. But if you actually feel something holding you when you’re alone, then that’s a whole different spirit that you need to deal with personally.
So, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t stand up for yourself. What I’m saying is to be unaffected in public and execute your sassy vengeance in the shadows. LOL. But if you’re the type to be patient enough to let karma do its thing, then just wait and let the sht hit the fan when karma’s ready to come swinging.
Finally, the last thing you’re probably in denial of is your ability to take charge and lead. Pile 3, it seems that you’re the type that struggles to see yourself in a positive light. With how harsh and unemotionally draining your formative years may have been, you’ve been told too many times to suppress and conform that you ended up losing a little bit of yourself after every critique and degrading insult.
I’m here to tell you Pile 3, you have every right to feel what you feel. Don’t run away from it. Don’t deny it. Don’t shove it so far down your subconscious that it becomes a self-depreciating core belief that you’d struggle to heal in the future. Owning your power, accepting your light, harnessing your capability to lead and go forward. These things are way out of your comfort zone. Yet you know that these are things you are absolutely capable of. Let’s call it “Talents in statis”.
For you to awaken such latent abilities, you need to be gentle and compassionate with yourself in this journey. Self-development is a series and cycles of explore, experiment and re-strategize. So, if one approach didn’t sit well with you, there are other ways to improve that would best fit you. Curate your life as you see fit. Don’t just focus on working on the actually work need to be done. Work on improving and mastering your skills. The more you learn how to lead yourself, the more you’ll learn to feel more confident in leading others.
Don’t view mistakes as some irreparable stain in your soul. Mistakes are lessons guised as challenges for the purpose of character development. So, like a child that still learning to walk, feel free to do it messily and clumsily. It is in these attempts would you be able to harness and fully acknowledge your capability to influence and lead with conviction.
(This concludes the end of your reading, Pile 3. You know yourself best, both strengths and weaknesses. So you know what you need and have to do in order for you to learn to acknowledge the things you’ve been in denial about.
If you struggle to figure out how to start, do your research that you feel best addresses your current state of being. As always, take it slow, show compassion towards yourself, and always remember that “It’s only cringe until you make it.”)
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Pile 4: 8 of Swords, Queen of Cups, Fool
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(TW, yet again: This pile mentioned certain terms that might be triggering. So, if you intuitively feel that this is truly your pile, pause now and then. Let yourself just sit and breathe.)
Hi, Pile 4, the first thing you’re in denial about is that you are actually in pain. This pile feels like my self-sacrificing modern-day martyrs, particularly people who are or were in an abusive relationship. Another interpretation is being in denial of your codependency towards people who are doing wrong by you. Could also being in denial of being stuck in some mental cage of scarcity and limiting beliefs.
Damnnn, I need a trigger warning in front of this reading. This is giving “I can fix them” and “They’re not actually that bad until you get to know them”. Another vibe I can feel in this pile is accepting people for their potential. Also, this pile is giving “unappreciated hero martyred at the plaza pyre” vibes. The type that doesn’t realize just how much pain endured in hopes of acquiring the idea of someone. This is giving “limerence turned discarded puppet” vibes.
I’m sorry Pile 4 but the people who harmed you chose to stay for the benefit of their convenience, not out of love. They knew what they were doing to you was wrong. So please stop deluding yourself and remove those rose-colored glasses to see them for who they truly are, the master puppeteer of your demise.
Oh dear, pile 4 I really want to give you a hug! Please be brave and ask for help that you need. Report to the authorities and ask for their protection/assistance. Seek therapy. Talk to a friend. Do anything. Don’t leave yourself in a constant state of confusion because of their prolonged gaslighting had you questioning if you really being treated right or being suck dry of your energy and resources.
If you’re still confused if the amount of pain and trauma you’ve endured is normal, tell it to a trustworthy friend who can hold a safe space for you to speak your truth. Don’t leave out details. And listen to what they have to say after you’ve said your piece. You’ll know just how bad you’ve gone through with the help of their insight.
Another thing you’re in denial about pile 4 is your warm and loving nature. This could cause you to be shocked that this is something you’re in denial about because with everything you’ve gone through, you wonder, how can you still be warm and loving after all the pain you’ve gone through? But that’s the thing of pain, right? It highlights a clue as to what needs to be addressed.
When highlighting a certain issue that needs your attention, it’s expected that you subconsciously disregarded outer aspects of your life. Like, with how much pain you’ve endured, you’d question, how can someone with a broken spirit that lost hope, be considered as warm and loving.
Maybe, prior to the unfortunate series of your life, you were this warm, kind and nurturing person, that won’t hesitate to gave to someone else in need. Maybe the version of you before those pain is the version of you that’s warm and loving.
But I’m telling you right now, Pile 4, if you truly aren’t as warm and loving as you claim to be, then why didn’t inflict the pain you’ve sustain to other people? Why didn’t you pass your pain to someone else? Why do you still wish for a better and happier life? Why do you still have hope? I’ll leave this for you to answer whenever you feel like it.
Bad people wouldn’t feel bad nor wouldn’t contemplate if what they did or said could unintentionally hurt someone else. See? You’re not as bad and hopeless as you perceive yourself as. So, please pile 4, and never forget that once you get yourself out of that unfortunate situation, it’s safe for you to exist. It is safe for you to put yourself first. It is safe for you to try again.
Finally, you are in denial about your sense of wonder and innocence. It might have been because you had experienced quite a bit of betrayal from people who mistook your kindness for weakness in the past. Because of how you were played the Fool for seeing the potential in people, these manipulators used your sympathetic heart against you, making you guarded and distrustful.
You might have hated how you wanted to share your kind and giving heart when you were surrounded by a crowd of traitors. This made you resentful and closed off from the world to the point that you don’t see any reason to want to try socializing again Pile 4.
You are not at any fault for wanting to see life in a better and more positive light, Pile 4. We are living in a time where gaslighting and manipulation are the unfortunate societal norm. So being your authentic wonderful self takes courage and strength in this confusing period in time. As hard as it is to do, please don’t like the toxicity of the world corrupt your heart.
There’s nothing wrong with who you are and who you want to become. Embrace this innocence with open arms as this is actually one of your superpowers.
(This concludes the end of your reading, pile 4. Admitting to yourself that you’ve gone through pain doesn’t make you weak. Believing in the goodness of others doesn’t make you stupid. Treating people with love, compassion and respect is an unfortunate rarity in our modern world.
So let yourself feel what you’ve denied acknowledgment before. Be the safe space you want to exist in. Do take care and don’t feel bad for standing up for yourself.)
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Always remember, this is for entertainment purposes only. If you are going through stuff, seek professional help.
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benedictscanvas · 9 months
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pretty boy, pretty girl - jamie tartt x reader
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pairing: jamie tartt x fem!reader
word count: 2.1k
a/n: okay yes. it has been six months. which is actually mad to me, but there we are - whoops! i've been off following my dream and wrote this while procrastinating an assignment, so this is by no means a return!! honestly i was just itching to write it, but i don't know how much time i have for more - enjoy nevertheless <3
warnings: just a little bit of suggestion towards the end, reader is referred to as 'pretty girl' as the title implies amongst other pet names, quite a lot of swearing (some things don't change)
---
“Hi love.”
Jamie barely murmurs it as he walks past you, can’t help himself but to drag a palm along your back, one shoulder blade to the other, as he goes. 
He knows he’s bold sometimes, but he swears it’s instinct. He glances back to see whether your expression holds any discomfort, but all he finds is your grin, a tiny wave. He continues on his path towards the canteen, knowing that your corridor conversation with Rebecca is probably important.
Somewhere between here and there, he decides to get your lunch, your usual, and sits alone on a table until you appear.
You do, three and a half minutes later. As soon as he sees you, the irrepressible urge to make you grin again is back with a vengeance. He waves you over to his table with a gesture to the food he’s got for you and- there it is again.
If he was a slightly smarter man, maybe he’d consider why all it took was the sight of him to draw your lips upwards, set your eyes alight.
“Thought I’d save y’ from the queue,” he speaks, still soft, in a tone he feels he only uses with you. You match his unnecessary low volume.
“Thanks, angel,” you say easily, and you must not see his stomach doing flips, “Too good to me, you are.”
“Shut up,” he deflects, wonders if you can see him fluster at your nickname for him, “Are you still coming tonight?”
You groan. He frowns, and you quickly correct.
“Sorry. It’ll be fun.”
“Yeah, you sound proper convinced, an’ all.”
You chuckle, taking a bite out of your sandwich and taking a pause to chew. Jamie eats too, content to let you think before you speak. It was slowly teaching him to do the same.
“I’m just boring, Jamie. My favourite people are all under this roof, but usually they’re sober, you know?”
He often forgets you don’t really drink. Your friendship (however sour that word feels in relation to you) usually confined to these halls, to the pitch, to various football stadiums up and down the country. When they all get a chance to let loose, you’re very quick with the excuses, but he’s believed them blindly until this moment.
“Shit, y’ don’t drink, right? I can’t imagine that’s much fun in a club. I won’t tell anyone if you happen to come down with an illness or somethin’ this afternoon.”
You’re grinning at him again, all bright and sunny. It’s downright infectious, so Jamie nudges your foot with his on purpose and then apologises like it’s an accident.
“You’re alright,” you reassure, “I will join tonight. Even if it just proves to myself I’m not missing out on anything. Maybe Colin’s not as bad a drunk as I’ve been led to believe.”
Jamie winces.
“No, he is pretty bad,” he admits and then finally comes up with something to make you more comfortable, “Hey, what about this? I won’t drink either and we can spend the evening laughin’ at everyone else.”
You poke his hand and he tries not to drop his crisp packet.
“It’s everyone’s ‘relax and recharge’ night, Ted said. We both know you relax much easier with a few drinks in you. And I’d never judge anyone for that, I really hope it doesn’t come across like I’m judging any-“
“It doesn’t, sweetness,” he cuts in, “But actually, I’ll relax better if I’m one hundred percent positive that you’re relaxing too. What better way than judgin’ everyone else, together like?”
You purse your lips thoughtfully, mid-chew. He feels like he’s holding his breath, like he’s underwater and you’re in charge of the oxygen tank.
“Well, see how you feel when we’re there. It sounds lovely but only if you’re still up for it when we’re right next to a bar,” you say, still unconvinced. He wants to convince you fully, but he can’t decide if he should argue with you or kiss you silly before you speak again, “Hey, if not, I’ll buy you a drink?”
“Pretty sure that’s my line, love.”
“I said it, I meant it. Girls can buy drinks for pretty boys, you know.”
He thinks you might have removed his oxygen tank now. There’s some cruelty in that sentence but you don’t know you’re wielding it. He wills himself to flirt back even though it’ll only make him feel sick.
“Okay, pretty girl. One passionfruit J2O, please.”
Another grin. He’s so fucking fucked.
---
He’s been waiting for you for around forty minutes. He doesn’t know if that’s the normal amount of time you take to get ready, even if he wishes he knew, so he just waits, leaning against his car.
After fifty, he decides there’s no harm in just checking you’re alright and haven’t slipped on a sparkly floor that an evening cleaner has done a number on.
You mentioned going to the kit room to get changed, and he meets Will on his way there.
“Hey mate, you seen Y/N?”
Will looks paler than he’s ever been. Guilty. Jamie narrows his eyes and waits.
“Kit room.”
It’s all that Will says. When Jamie doesn’t walk off immediately, still waiting for an explanation for Will’s strange demeanour, Will turns around and legs it all the way down the corridor, turns left at the end and never returns.
Jamie shakes his head and continues in the direction of the kit room. The closer he gets, the more he hears. Muffled banging, shouting. He picks up the pace.
“Y/N? Love?”
“Jamie! Jamie, in here!”
Your voice floats out from the kit room and he hurries over. Still very confused, Jamie turns the door handle and finds the door won’t budge, however hard he shoves his shoulder against it.
“It’s locked, babe. Did you lock it?”
He hears your exasperated sigh and feels a little embarrassed.
“No I didn’t bleeding lock it! Well, I did, when I was getting changed, but then when I unlocked it my side it had been locked from the outside.”
Jamie struggled to put the dots together. Had Will locked you in? Judging by the running, he had… and he’d done it on purpose. A spark of anger shot down Jamie’s spine but he tried to convince himself there must be a reason.
Before he could, there was a hand on his on the door, pulling him away. It was being unlocked by another hand and then he was being shoved inside, hard enough to stumble against one of the benches. A piece of paper was thrown at his face and Jamie groaned as he heard the lock click back in place.
“What the fuck?” he muttered as he stood up fully, more dazed than angry now as he stared at the locked door.
“Jesus, Jamie, are you alright? Who the fuck was that?”
“I dunno,” he says, staring at the door as if it might have answers. Your hand on his face wakes him up, his eyes shifting to yours where you look him over with concern.
“You’re alright, though?”
You ask it like you need the answer, and Jamie needs you to stop trailing a finger along his hairline either way.
“Fine, love,” he assures you, patting the juncture between your shoulder and neck gently until your hands drop to your sides. Then he raises his voice, and he’s not really talking to you anymore, “Whoever’s locked us in here as some kind of joke won’t be fuckin’ alright though!”
No answer. He picks up the small piece of paper from the floor and reads it in his head.
Tell her, you prick.
He’s actually going to hit Roy with his car. Lightly, definitely not enough to damage him, but enough to really, really piss him off.
This was all some ridiculous attempt to make him tell you how he felt about you? Absolutely not. Never. He wouldn’t be coerced into something so delicate, so important.
“What’s it say?”
You’re peering over the top of the paper, but he folds it in two before you can read anything. His chuckle comes out strained.
“It says: Get fucking pranked. Must be Roy, he’s probably scared Will into helpin’ him, the fucker. I’m afraid it’s payback for putting all his socks on the ceiling last week, babe, an’ you’ve been caught in the middle.”
You pause, staring at your shoes. For some reason, you look far more forlorn than the situation calls for, but it’s gone before he can think about it further.
“On the ceiling?”
He nods and you giggle. It’s only as you step away from him in your laughter that he realises how close you had been. He should’ve savoured it.
It’s also only as you step away that Jamie finally gets a glimpse of your outfit and nearly reaches out to the nearby bench for strength. He’s never seen you in a v-neck anything before, let alone a dress, and he thinks it might do him in.
“You look good,” he says lamely, then tries again, “Great. Fan-fuckin’-tastic, I mean.”
“I like that last one,” you smile, ducking your head. He thinks, or rather hopes, you’re a little flustered, “Fan-fuckin’-tastic happens to be what I was going for.”
“Yeah,” he breathes, words gone as soon as he’d found them. And now he was staring. Shit.
“I like your suit,” you say, maybe breathless yourself. It must be his ears. You reach up as if you might fiddle with his lapel but just point towards it before your hand drops again. You practically fall down onto the bench you’re both stood beside and he follows, ever obedient, “Shame no one else will ever see it. How long do you think we’ll be stuck here?”
The suit isn’t for anyone except you. That’s what he’d say if he had any stupid bravery. He’s an awful coward, he thinks.
“Until Roy gets bored or Keeley finds out I reckon,” Jamie guesses, “Y’ wanna play I-spy?”
You sigh, but when he peeks at you out of the corner of his eye, you’re grinning your silly, lovely grin again.
“I spy with my little eye…”
---
It is around 11pm, when Jamie has not long fallen asleep against the jacket he had scrunched behind his head, that he feels your hand on his ankle. He can tell, as he wakes without opening his eyes, that you’re not trying to rouse him. The touch is light, feathery. Maybe an accident.
No, not an accident. It wouldn’t have lasted this long, and your thumb is drawing absentminded circles into his ankle bone. You think he’s asleep and you’ve reached out to hold him anyway.
He opens his eyes but doesn’t move. His legs are stretched out on the bench in front of him and you sit upright next his sock-clad feet, one hand on his bare ankle. You’re staring at a piece of paper so intently he wonders what could possibly be so interesting.
“This doesn’t say get fucking pranked, Jamie,” you murmur, and his hand flies to his jacket pocket. It must have fallen out when he slumped into a slumber. He’s sat up in a blink, watching the hand that had been so soothing, fall back at your side suddenly.
“I’m sorry. Shit. I’m so sorry, Y/N.”
“No, don’t,” you insist, still staring at the piece of paper. Instead of whirling on him for answers, you reach calmly into one of the boot cubbies beside your head and pull out a piece of paper from one of the boots. You chuck it at him without looking.
He unfolds it with careful, if shaky, hands.
Tell him, you silly shit.
It takes him an absurdly long time to understand what the hell this second piece of paper means. Later, when the two of you look back on this moment (and you do so often), you’ll wonder how he could have been so dense and he’ll spin you a line about how too good to be true it all felt. But in the moment, he has no lines and no words, until your hand lands heavy on his knee this time.
“Jamie,” you say softly, through a grin that is so different from your usual that he could pass out. It’s so beautiful and so strikingly lovesick that he thinks he might actually be sick, “What do you have to tell me?”
“What?”
He feels dumber than he’s ever felt. But your hand is still on his knee and now you’re shuffling closer to him on the bench.
“What do you have to tell me?” you repeat, then you poke his chest playfully as you add, “You prick.”
He still looks confused, so you clearly decide the best way to catch him up is to kiss him.
You pull away after a moment, a moment of pure heaven, because clearly you don't want to kiss him fully until he's all clued in.
"Come on, pretty boy," you say, teasing, "Figure it out. I was going to buy you a passionfruit J2O. It's the sign of all signs."
He should be laughing at your joke, but all he really wants to do is kiss you again. And again.
Maybe again.
"Oh pretty girl," he says, and he feels the rumble of his low tone in his chest. He places a hand on your face, fingers itching at your hairline, "I'll tell you anything ya wanna hear, I swear. Anythin'."
He hears your breath hitch, but he feels it too, where the meat of his palm is covering your neck.
"Anything?" you answer back, "I could have a lot of fun with this."
You scrunch up your brow like you're thinking and he's so stupidly in love with you that he just tells you. Too-soon be damned.
"Smooth talker," you laugh, giddy, and you kiss him again. And it's so good that he doesn't even remember you didn't say it back until hours later.
(at which point, you say it back so many times and in so many ways, Jamie is certain that he's the luckiest man in the world. he might not hit Roy with his car after all)
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thatbitchery · 9 months
Text
SUCCESS FORMULA 101
Lets talk about what really makes a person succesfull. No I don't mean the recycled stuff & the magical thinking manifesting stuff. Let's talk the real stuff. What really, like really really makes a woman succesful?
1 . The idea- decision gap
Planning is a productive form of procrastination. You overestimate the amount of control you have over time- space reality if you think you can anticipate the future & hold your own. Exhibit A: covid. Yes get your skeleton nailed down and have a second third fourth opinion but you have three days after the idea to begin execution. Do not overplay your power, you don't have that much control and your powers of perception are based on the past, not future. If you must plan get the first draft down then work with that. Here's a secret- you know those ultra succesful people you know? They're making it up as they go. Adaptation>> planning. If you want success reduce your idea to execution gap to max 3 days then go get it. Risk aversion is the enemy of innovation.
2. Embarrassment
My mentor taught me to not only anticipate but be fully amenable to embarrassment. Especially if you're looking at a career in creative and performed arts you can NOT skip this one. You want to be a singer? Writer? Influencer? Blogger? Vlogger?There will be a reddit thread about how much you suck. This is the fabric of success. Resilience is a woman's best friend. Embarrassment is the portal to growth. First day in the office messing everything up asking stupid questions underdressed with that accent- that's the price you pay for sitting on that CEO seat one day. The way to the top is from the bottom.
3. Boredom
Success is found in the small, mundane, repetitive, boring day to day tasks. It's hard to get far especially in corporate spaces because the boredom is crippling & we are innately a progressive species which means dopamine & adrenaline seeking so you leave your boring tasks for the high of chasing a new goal- no. Get very comfortable with boredom or move to creative arts. Success is found in consistency and consistency is found in repetition. Closing that million dollar deal isn't what made you succesful. It was the repetitive boring practises of sitting through meetings with a collective IQ of 18 that taught you patience, negotiation, jargon and attunement. It's not meeting the right guy that gave you a successful relationship it was your 8 year long friendships that you no longer pay attention to that taught you to communicate, empathise, have boundaries , the right way to love & be loved and recognize value. We tend to credit the spikes for the outcome when it's the consistency of the mundane that got us where we are. Success is the really boring stuff. Really really boring stuff. Success is a buildup.
4. Hierarchy
The swapping of "self sabotaging stupidity" with "feminism & empowerment" is easily one of the greatest downfalls of our generation. Social species= hierarchical you're not being a boss babe queen by speaking to your superiors in a condescending manner & inserting your opinions bc "you have a right to whatever". Uh , you don't. You don't have the right to embarrass your boss or call him out, you don't. Be the boss first then you can call the shots don't let rich kids on tiktok trick you into thinking you can get away with disrespect. Know your place. Power isn't taken its transferred. Meritocracy >> democracy if you want the right to throw your mouth around be the CEO then you can call the shots till then act your paycheck & plan your exit or social climb to a point your opinion matters because meritocracy will always trample democracy. Don't be stupid.
5. Baby & the bathwater
Another culprit for my generation's failure is the witch hunt & self righteous campaign that's cancel culture & virtue signalling. Influencers build their reputation on it so Candace Owens gets to call Beyonce out but you shut your mouth. Learn the concept of dichotomy and learn to take what resonates with you &go. The higher you climb the success ladder the lower your morals go & the more terrible people you have to tolerate so you'll sit 4 hours on a table with a sexist ugly pig making wild sexual innuendo because once that deal is signed your dreams come true. If you're walking a path of self proclaimed righteousness where you can't talk to people who do this and that don't bother. & this level of dissociation & delusion that allows you to think of people as good or bad will get you manipulated left right center. You want to be succesful? Not your monkeys, not your circus. Take what's yours and go. Don't lie to yourself & sabotage your own progress bc you're on a little righteousness campaign.
6. Learn to use people
The greatest resource on God's pretty beautiful earth is human beings. And time. Every single thing you want will come from a person, learn to use people & be used by them bc a relationship requires an exchange of value, don't be a greedy leechy taker. The most important part of success is human resource. If you're struggling with communication & negotiation dedicate everything you have to fixing it. The capital city of success is mutually beneficial relationships ie relationships where people consciously consensually use each other in an equilibrium of value exchange.
7. Emotional intelligence
Sucess doesn't like emotions. In fact those two are sworn enemies since the dawn of the planet. When emotions walk through the door success jumps out the window. Now, I want us to understand- when I'm saying this I'm not saying be a robot- you're not. Emotions are important. They're a compass. You look at them, listen to what they're saying and decide what to do with that. I'm not saying make an enemy our of your humanity, emotional intelligence isn't synonymous with emotional negligence. I'm saying you don't make decisions based on them. You don't express them in public unless it serves you to. You don't shut them down- don't be a psycho- but also don't make them something theyre not- an identity. It's a compass. You need it to move in the right direction, but you carry the compass not the other way around.
8. Offensive
This is where women in particular mess it up- never play defensive. Ever. Unless it's a backhanded game & manipulation tactic always play the offense. Defending yourself is weak af. Find a way to be on the offensive. Victims don't make it. They don't. They get the sympathy & provision & that's it. Success is a literal jungle hun especially corporate your little tearjerkers might get your bf to not leave you but in your office they'll get you abused & disrespected & shamed. Again- it is within the nature of a social species to attack its weak & at home you're safe bc your friends & family really do care about you but corporate & success is a competition. They hit low. They hit hard. It's merciless, you're competing for the same thing. Always play the offense. Always be in the offense. It's better to be the bully, if you get bullied you bully them worse &let everyone know yeah no I bullied him now what? Exactly. Be the mean girl. Be the bully. Take the offensive. Offensive is progressive. Defensive is survival.
9. Routines
Ive found that most people don't know the difference between routine & schedules. Wake up @5 to workout is a schedule. Working out before breakfast is a routine. I'll tell you this as someone with ADHD but an unbreakable routine, if you can not keep up with the time you'll mess up. You don't need to allocate time to set a routine. A routine is a sequence of events that's turned habitual. So if my routine is wake up work out drink water get my vitamins in it doesn't matter if I wake up @ 5am or 1 pm that's the sequence of activities that will take place. Routine is about muscle memory. It has to be subconscious. You have to instinctively know this is whst I should do & have it so ingrained that you don't even think about it it just happens. Training your muscle memory is a superpower. >86% of your day is governed by muscle memory. Think about that. If you just subconsciously headed to the gym and made a healthy meal & studied. Like, while spaced out. Just think about it. Like I said success happens in consistency & repetition. Quick take a guess how muscle memory is formed.
10 Reality
Success is delusion averse. Take the world for what it is and people for what they are & reality for that- reality and stop trying to substitute millions of years of evolution & adaptation with cheap politics, values and morals. Don't be dumb. See the world as is not as you wish it was. Forget all the self soothing politics you're buying into and go science. You can not undo in one century what's been in motion for eons though. Sociology & politics are just self soothing distractions. The world is what it is when you die it'll be exactly what it I'd, you're the one that'll have burned herself. Don't be stupid. Women can't be stupid.That XX is synonymous with Xtra Xmart okay? Okay.
TBY
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