#i like it when love interests literally trip over themselves

[peace-andharmony]

I wrote dis 🥸

[throwaway-yandere]

And The Sun Is Silent (Yandere!Wriothesley/Reader)

Unreliable Synopsis: You, a former writer, received a fan letter. Truly a curious thing, for the contents appear more personal than what it should be.

A/n: I am not back. I posted this cuz first off, I adore Joe Zieja and all his works and I was so hyped when I saw he voiced Wriothesley and second, mfer gave me C4 qiqi. i love my daughter but cmon wrio, I literally got the same haircut as you do now-

CW: nothing really. Just a lil mind frick ig

“When I saw his hands wrapped around his dearest new spouse, cutting that vile wedding cake together, I wanted nothing more than to take that knife and slit his throat.”

(Y/n) was a serialized author in Fontaine whose works were primarily geared towards detective novels. However, their words were less laced with objectivity and “irrefutable facts” as the heavy pockets do when spinning their tales. Unfortunately, they weren’t meant to fill their coffers with hit-release masterpieces. (Y/n)– pen name “Maestro Justiniano” – was more engrossed in the perpetrators' psychology like the barkeeps and magicians do. They were the main characters– the sung hero of the tale. The glorified violence thrived in each passing page for the only mystery to be solved was “who will they target next?”

If young fans of other authors were seen as aspiring detectives or law enforcers, those who were known as fans of the Maestro were unjustifiably labeled as “future degenerates.” For (Y/n), it was funny. Overhearing grandparents waste their already fleeting energy to scold their grandchild’s love for their sinful work was their source of joy.

But (Y/n) (L/n) was not Maestro Justiano in public.

They were Duke Wriothesley’s spouse. Maestro Justiano is but a shade and (Y/n) is a human. The maestro does not feed on earth nor mora, but (Y/n) is obliged to. He bought his title, and he bought his spouse.

Gone was their free fourth finger. With a golden shackle, they sealed their fate to a wealthy man for table scraps. Perhaps it is fortunate that he is generous with his pockets, but to (Y/n), they would rather starve themselves writing than sit through another seminar about the nation’s ever-changing laws.

The Maestro’s life used to be so full of thrill; the “pelf” they received for each writing commission was a life worth their breaths. 

The Maestro’s life used to be coated in moonlight; sneaking out and running gigs was their bread and butter.

But now the sun is silent, and (Y/n) stands with a tail behind their legs. 

“(Y/n), do you need anything?”

Wriothesley asked even when he could guess the answer. Lazily, (Y/n) shifted from the covers, peering over with half-closed eyes.

“Nothing, Your Grace.” (Y/n) yawned. “Close the door.”

The Duke nods, understanding their fatigue. He silently shuts the door, and nothing of interest is to be noted afterward.

This has been their canned script every Wednesday to Friday without fail for the past 3 years. 

In (Y/n)’s eyes, Wriothesley is a mere animal with whom they mate for survival. Barely any true emotional trysts occurred in their first two years of marriage. They’re a “friend” of fortune. With him always away from home, (Y/n) is left with nothing but their thoughts. 

The nights were warm, but the mornings were cold. 

And the sun is silent.

Their husband has never been quite the same after an incident during their 2nd year of marriage. 

On the night they were attacked in the comfort of their shared home, a gear in his head was stolen.

Wriothesley held them, audibly more alarmed and broken than (Y/n)– the victim– was. He shook, afraid of what you must’ve gone through in his absence. Robbery, that’s what the records say. An armed man entered their home with the intent to steal. Black were his gloves and hair. The perpetrator thought they had been away on a business trip and pulled the trigger by surprise when they emerged from the kitchen. 

That thief had failed to steal material possessions, but their husband had lost his good of intellect. He cannot stand the notion of leaving them alone. What is a collector’s item if it’s not in great condition? Wriothesley has locked the gates and kept (Y/n) in, and he’ll continue to do so to preserve their value.

“I want to meet you somewhere someday, in a place where the sun is no longer silent. I want to crawl and bury myself under your skin where I can read through your mind. The house is too quiet. I want to trace your collarbones. I want to bite into your flesh, and I need you to look into my eyes as I tear myself apart. I am in love with you, (Y/n). It’s unbelievable, but it’s true. I live within these walls. I am what keeps you grounded with a golden ring. But why does the sun hide from me?”

Despite how much closer the couple are now, (Y/n) feels more distant than before. Not that they had the right to say "The duke was not the man I married" when they rarely talked— but it surely felt that way.

And in one Sunday night, the forcibly retired author used their words not to immerse readers, but to intimidate guards to grant entry to their "beloved" husband's office.

"You fucking bitch…"

"Lovely to see you too, honey."

"You made me lose my job!!!"

"Here I thought you refer to it as a side-line."

"Are you fucking for real right now?!" They screamed and slammed a fist down on the table. The pain hasn't hit them yet as their unbridled shock and rage hit overdrive. "Since when did you have the right to just take my–"

"Your hobbies away?" Wriothesley placed down his chamomile tea and shrugged. "Honey, I'm not doing anything like that. No, I'm only protecting you."

"Oh, great!" They waved a hand around dramatically before slapping it back to their thigh, rolling their eyes. "Let me guess, there's a biiiig explanation that fits into one giant puzzle."

"You know me too well for someone who never initiates conversation." He smiled mockingly. 

"You're right. Court Dense Publishing House is being investigated for numerous allegations. Toxic working environment, which included stalking and superiors leveraging pay for sexual favors might I add, and tax fraud. The details of the latter will bore you." Wriothesley continued.

He sighed. "Can't you tell? I'm just being a decent husband. What if you were being harassed and you were afraid to tell me?" 

"Like hell, I was–" They took a sharp deep breath in. "Listen. Let me get back to my work and we won't have any problems, Your Grace."

"No can do. You're an ex-Maestro now."

“And you're an ex-con.” They quickly retorted.

…

…

“... You're calling me an ex-con?" Wriothesley laughed dryly. The lone sound made them inch their heels slightly backward.

His eyelids lowered as his dull gray eyes peeked behind underneath his tilted glare.

They had never seen him this serious.

"Who do you think turned me into one?”

…

…

…

They blinked.

His words– though not making sense without context– carried a heavy weight they had unfortunately missed.

His gaze and words were accusingly pointed.

At them.

…

…

Wriothesley laughed.

"I'm kidding, of course. Don't be so tense."

(Y/n) didn't laugh.

He smiled. They can't tell if it was fake or not. He's been too good at pretending to be nice that they never knew when he genuinely dropped the act.

Like Maestro Justiniano, that argument is history now. 

And maybe that's why (Y/n) first thought it would be a comforting experience to read a story written by an avid fan.

It was a long manuscript. Sigewinne claimed it came from a fellow Melusine who wanted her favorite author's thoughts on how to write a criminal male lead. When asked for the writer's name, she refused to say it. (Y/n) respected it since they too posted anonymously…

But this reading sounds less like a professional job and more like a stalker's confession…

“When I first finished a book of yours in two sittings, I had formed a vague fantasy on how you looked like. You were a tall man, thin, long-necked, sharp-nosed, with a body slightly bent forward. Needless to say, I was stoked to find that description failed to perfectly describe who you were in person. I hope that with my new appearance, my description perfectly describes how your husband used to look as well. These black gloves just don’t fit me right.”

These black gloves…?

"Honey, I'm home!!! Oh, and Sigewinne's here too."

As soon as they heard the door open, (Y/n) shoved the fan's manuscript inside their drawer. Wriothesley hates seeing any semblance of creative writing inside the house.

"Can you brew two cups of tea for us?" Wriothesley asked as he removed his jacket, placing it recklessly on the sofa. "We're exhausted."

(Y/n) nodded. They never tell him how they make his tea. For a bottle weighing 8 fl oz, they'd take a rounded scoop of sunsettia powder to the pitcher and pour steamed 2% milk to whatever was the appropriate line. Once aerated for 3 seconds, they fill it with their macha mix with ¼’’ foam and ¾’’ more below the rim for the aesthetic. 

The process is not as difficult as it sounds, but they like withholding information. Why else won't friends and family know that they're a prolific writer, right?

"Sure. I'll be right back."

They left.

Their “husband” picked up the letter they hastily hid, a faint smile playing on his face.

Were you frightened after reading it? 

How did his favorite author react?

He wished he knew. But he’s no detective– he’s a present “degenerate”. He won’t find clues just by looking at the parchment. "Wriothesley" placed it back to where it was earlier and adjusted his black gloves to fit just right. 

“Wriothesley” glanced at Sigewinne with a giddy smile.

“So, do you think they liked my writing?”

"(P.S: I finally figured out how you make your coffee. It's 3 pumps of Fonta, 1 shot of espresso roast, chilled milk, and stirred with ice. This unique combination would've perplexed me if I didn't find out you made it out of spite. 

But it does taste good. I promise. After all, in the cold solitude of your sunless prison, I'll be the one brewing you coffee. May each sip be a reminder of my affection. The sun may be silent too in the Fortress, but maybe in there, you'll finally appreciate my warmth.")

[authorhjk1]

Since you're a fellow Fromis_9 nagyung enjoyer do you think you could do a nagyung short about her and her significant other trying to sneak around the other members to find “a quiet moment to themselves”

Nowhere to hide

(Lee Nagyung X Male Reader)

You hate lying. If there is something everyone knows about you, it's that you don't lie. Never.

"Oh no! I hope it doesn't hurt too much?"

Being the caring woman she is, Lee Saerom looks at you with love in her eyes as she hears what happened.

"Well, the doctor said he shouldn't be alone for a while, since he can't walk properly."

You are able to send an angry glare in your girlfriend's direction.

This isn't how it was supposed to go.

The members of Fromis_9 planned on going on a two week trip to Hawaii. The flight was booked for today and everyone was already at the airport. Except for your girlfriend.

Nagyung still has to do a shoot for her new drama in two days. Which would've meant that she would have flown to Hawaii later.

Because you have to work, there was no way you could come with them. That's why you and Nagyung decided to use the two days of this weekend to enjoy each other's company. Aka fuck like rabbits, until one of you passes out.

But to your dismay, your alone time didn't last very long. Nagyung was already on your lap, grinding her ass onto your cock. Your pants were around your ankles, your wet dick leaving small marks on her blue jeans. Your messy kiss made her moan into your mouth.

Suddenly both of you heard the electronic lock getting unlocked. Nagyung quickly got off your lap and you were able to cover yourself with one of the blankets on the couch.

The seven girls weren't that surprised to see you. You are Nagyung's boyfriend after all. They explained that the bad weather, which is now haunting the whole Korean peninsula, made air traffic come to a halt. Which means that they would stay home.

And being the thoughtless, horny maniac she is, Nagyung told everyone that you would have to stay with her over the weekend.

"He almost got hit by a car!"

She exclaimed, after the girls asked for the reason.

She wasn't lying at that point in time. You really almost got run over by a car on the way to their dorm. The woman ignored the red light and drove over your right foot. It hurt a little, but it wasn't bad.

But you definitely did not see a doctor. Because it already stopped hurting.

You know why Nagyung said it though. This girl lives for sex. She literally can't help it. It might come from the fact that she always lives with her members and just has barely any opportunity to satisfy her carnal desires like a normal person.

But it can't be the only reason. You noticed very early into your relationship with her, how addicted Nagyung is to sex. She could do it anytime anywhere. Whenever you were the one who initiated something, she was already dripping wet. It didn't matter where you were, or what you did. A restaurant date, a stroll through the park, hanging out with her members, shopping. Nagyung would always find a way to get what she wanted.

But it's not always as great as it sounds. Of course you like to have sex with her. But Nagyung is just different. The longer the time period without sex, the more aggressive she becomes. You wonder, if you just deny her long enough, would she just drop to the her knees in the middle of a shopping mall and suck you off? Maybe.

But the longer this sexless period becomes, the less she is interested in your pleasure as well. Nagyung does care for you. But if she has to wait for too long, your needs come second.

Which brings us back to the present. The eight girls stand in the living room of their dorm, Nagyung in front of you, next to Saerom.

You are aware that with only one movement of her hand, you would be sitting completely naked in front of all of them.

"Why don't you unpack your things again, girls? The weather forecast said it's gonna take a while, until we can fly again."

You sigh in relief, when the members follow Nagyung's advice.

As soon as the last one leaves the room, you throw the blanket off your lap. Nagyung drops to her knees again, just like she did a couple of minutes ago. You expect her to help you with putting your pants back on. Instead, Nagyung puts her elbows on your knees, taking your cock into her hand.

"Nagyung..."

You watch in disbelief as she wraps her lips around your tip.

"What the fuck are you doing? They will be back in a second."

Nagyung glares at you as you pull her off your cock.

"I'm so fucking horny. I need you right now."

"Later."

You hiss at her, closing the zipper of your pants.

A second later, Jiheon and Soyeon stand in the doorway.

One hour later~

You are still sitting on the couch. Some of the girls have joined, wanting to keep you company and distract you from the pain in your foot. When the movie you are now watching started, Saerom put the blanket back onto your lap, wanting to take care of you. Nagyung, who is sitting on your left, while Saerom, Jiwon and Hayoung are sitting on your right, uses this opportunity to invade your privacy.

You feel her hand on your thigh first, the blanket covering it. After barely a minute (she couldn't hold out longer) her hand starts to move towards your crotch. Moving your head, you glare at your girlfriend.

"Nakko..."

You whisper, trying to stop her.

But you know she won't. At the seame time, she uses her other hand to take one of yours. She slowly guides it towards her own core.

A moment later, you find yourself rubbing your girlfriend's pussy over her jeans, while her fingers wrap around your cock. You are afraid that one of the girls could just turn her head.

But nothing happens as Nagyung slowly makes you unzip her jeans. You know she isn't wearing underwear. She barely does. Especially not at home.

You dip a finger inside of her, making her sigh. Giving Nagyung another glare, you try to tell her to be quiet. If you can be silent, surely she can be too.

Her thumb draws circles on your tip, while she slowly pumps your cock. You finger her slowly, still afraid of getting caught.

"You guys wanna order some food?"

Your heart drops as you hear Jiheon's voice.

As the maknae walks in, you quickly pull your finger out of Nagyung's wet cavern. Your girlfriend still has her hand wrapped around your cock, but she at least stopped stroking you.

"Or we could just cook, you know?"

Saerom turns her head to look at Jiheon.

"Are you gonna cook?"

Jiwon looks at their leader.

"Well..."

You feel how Nagyung starts to stroke your cock again. Very very slowly. But it still makes you shift around a little.

"Don't worry Saerom. We can cook together. The movie is over anyways."

You were so focused on not getting caught for the last couple of minutes that you didn't even notice.

As you watch how the four of them head to the kitchen, Nagyung is already tugging at your hand. The two of you close the door of her room behind you a moment later.

"Oh god. You have me so fucking wet."

You can't answer Nagyung, because she gets on her tiptoes and puts her tongue into your mouth.

Not that you are complaining. Her teasing, no matter how dangerous it was, left you horny as well. You quickly sit down on the edge of her bed as Nagyung straddles you once more. She grinds her core against yours, getting off on how hard she made you.

"Give it to me. I need to get fucked."

She breathlessly whispers into your mouth, before the two of you break away for air.

A moment later, Nagyung is on her knees, your pants are around your ankles once more. Her blowjob is quick and effective. She knows how to push your buttons and she is making use of that.

"Fuck, Nakko."

A couple of moments later, Nagyung stands up and walks over to the bed on the other side of the room. She takes Jiheon's plushy. A small brown bear, holding a red heart.

"I need this, because you are going to fuck me hard now."

She pushes the chair away from the desk between the beds, bending over.

"Fuck me like you hate me."

With that, your girlfriend puts the bear into her mouth, biting down on it.

You are not surprised that it fits inside. And you are not surprised at her words. When she is this horny, Nagyung doesn't care about her own wellbeing. As long as she is getting fucked.

You quickly stand behind her, unbuttoning her jeans.

"Fuck you are tight."

You groan as you push inside of Nagyung. The jeans around her knees press her legs together, making her tighter than usual.

Saerom and Jiwon seem to argue in the kitchen. You can hear their distant voices as you start to take your girlfriend from behind. Just like she wanted. No build up. No going slowly. You are supposed to fuck her like you hate her.

Quickly, the sound of your hips snapping against her ass cheeks fill the otherwise silent room. Nagyung's moans are muffled by the stuffed bear in her mouth. Her knuckles turn white as she holds onto the edge of the desk. Both your hands hold onto her waist as you marvel how tight and fit Nagyung's body feels underneath your palms.

"Swpnk mwe."

You barely catch what she is trying to say. But knowing your girlfriend, you can guess what she is asking for.

Your tear one of your hands off her waist. It hits her left cheek a moment later. The sound is louder than you fucking her. Afraid that someone might have heard you, you wait a couple of thrusts, until you spank her again.

Nagyung's skin starts to turn red as you take out your anger at her on her cheeks. The way her pussy squeezes around you, tells you how well you are doing. She is barely able to keep it together. To hold the bear inside her mouth must be hard for her. She lost her hold on the edge of the desk a couple of thrusts ago. Now her nails scratch the wooden surface.

"Mm my gowd!"

You hear Nagyung scream into the stuffed bear. The sign that she is close to her first orgasm of the day. If it weren't for the members, you would've made her cum several times already.

"Unnie!"

You heart freezes. And so does the rest of your body as you hear Jiheon's voice behind the door.

Before you are even able to think, you leave Nagyung's slick pussy. She is still too groggy to actively help you as you pull her jeans back up. Jumping under the covers, you take Nagyung with you, making her sit on the edge of the bed. You would get teased if Jiheon would find the both if you lying in the same bed.

"Come in."

You manage to say, right as the maknae opens the door.

The way Nagyung squeezes your hand tells you that she is raging inside. And hornier than ever. In that split second, she would've preferred getting caught, instead of failing to reach her orgasm.

"We are done cooking. Oh, how cute you guys look."

Jiheon's eye smile makes it hard to get worked up about her teasing the two of you.

"In a minute."

You say, very aware of the fact that you are still naked from the waist down.

9 pm~

You groan in disbelief. Nakko can't be serious. Checking the text you just got from her, you shake your head.

"Eat me out💦"

"We are still eating!!!"

"Don't you want dessert"

There is no use in arguing with her.

Walking out of the bathroom, you try to come up with a way to not make this mission too obvious. Luckily, everyone is glued to Jisun's phone. Seems like she is showing the girls a funny video.

Reaching the table, you quickly drop to your knees, getting underneath it. Finding Nagyung's lower half, you put your hands on her ankles. You feel her flinch, when you touch her.

You make your way up her legs, trying to at least build a little bit of anticipation. Once you reach her waist, you start to undo Nagyung's jeans once again. She slightly raises her hips, enabling you to pull them down to her ankles.

Now that you have a good view of your girlfriend's snatch. You realize that she wasn't completely off. You really want dessert now. Its wet folds invite you to have taste. The scent of vanilla invades your nostrils, evidence of the fact that Nagyung is very conscious about how she smells.

Instead of just diving in, you start to pepper her inner thighs with small kisses. It makes her legs quiver in need. The heat coming from her core increases as you keep teasing Nagyung. You start to lick the skin of her thighs from the bottom to the top, just stopping an inch away from her pussy.

Once you've worked her up well enough, you place your tongue right below her snatch. You trace the outlines of her lips, getting your first taste of your girlfriend's pussy for tonight. Because of the strong vanilla scent, it almost seems like she tastes like vanilla herself.

You feel Nagyung's leg tensing, when you finally press your tongue flat against her pussy. Her toes start to curl into the carpet underneath the table as you start to properly eat her out. The other girls' voices seem to fade into the distance as Nagyung's thighs start to close around your head. You like the feeling of them wrapped around you as you indulge in your dessert.

Your hands are placed on her waist, your fingertips exploring her tight midriff. Nagyung either wears something very comfortable, or something very sexy at home. It depends on her mood and the time of the day. Either way, she always ensures that you have quick access to any area you need to stimulate for her to cum. Her midriff being one of them. Nagyung loves the way you adore her tight body and with that, her discipline and hard work. She gets wet when ever you praise her. It doesn't have to be in a sexual way though. A simple "Your food tastes great." can make her rub her thighs together in need of stimulation.

You feel like you are in your own world as you enjoy your girlfriend's pussy. It's something that happens quite a lot actually. Especially when the two if you don't have time or a quiet place, like today. In moments like this, her needs come before yours. You are happy going with that, knowing that she will reward you even more, when the time comes.

You hear Nagyung stutter a reply, when Jiheon asks her something. Your girlfriend is slowly starting to lose her composure. Wanting to punish her for taking such risks, you start to suck on her clit.

The switch up makes Nagyung's legs shake once more. You know that she is close already. Her juices are starting to make her pussy glisten in the dim light underneath the table.

Another flick of your tongue against her clit and Nagyung finally becomes undone. Her hand reaches down to take a handful of your hair into her fist, trying to find an outlet for her pleasure. Her thighs threaten to suffocate you as they close around you, shaking.

"Are you alright, Nakko?"

Your eyes widen in fear of getting caught. It would be really awkward if someone would look under the table right now.

"Y-Yes, unnie. T-The food is just very delicious."

Nagyung answers Hayoung with her shaky voice.

9:45 pm~

"Are you sure this isn't too much for your foot?"

You almost sigh in annoyance. Not because of Saerom, who asked the question, because of Nagyung who made you stick to her lie.

"Don't worry, noona. It's not bad. Plus, we will be sitting the whole time anyway."

The girls spontaneously decided to go watch a movie, after Jisun showed them a funny trailer on her phone.

Nagyung convinced the others that you and her should take your car, while her members walk to the cinema, since it's not far, but your foot still hurts. All were okay with it, except Saerom. Being the caring leader she is, she wanted to make sure that you are doing alright. You knew why Nagyung suggested for you two to get into the car alone. She is now sulking in backseat. You can't help but glance at her occasionally.

Nagyung couldn't have been more clear about her intentions, once she stepped out of her room, after she changed her outfit. Her black top exposed just enough skin to not be inappropriate at a movie theater. Her skirt is the highlight of her outfit. And you know, why she is wearing one.

She catches you glancing a couple of times. With flirty winks or suggestive looks at her core, she makes it clear to you what she is expecting to happen soon.

10: 30 pm~

The movie had already begun and you enjoy the bucket of popcorn that is sitting on your lap. You are sharing it with Nagyung, who is sitting on your left. The other members are sitting in order of age on your right, Jiheon being the one sitting right next to you.

After a jump scare early on, the maknae instinctively buried her head in your shoulder, trying not to look at the screen. After Nagyung regained her composure, she saw what was going on. You knew that this would only fuel her desire for your cock even more. The fact that Jiheon is physically intimate with you isn't a new thing. It's more like a brother/sister relationship. And yet, Nagyung's narrowed eyes, which glisten in the dark theater, tell you that you are in for a long and rough night.

Your girlfriend finally jumps into action halfway through the movie. While she has been holding your hand this entire time, Jiheon kept hugging your arm, whenever she was afraid of another jump scare.

When you glance at Nagyung again, she gives you a meaningful look. You can't hold her back as you see her getting off her seat. She gets on her knees in front of you. The dark theater and the rather dark movie make her almost invisible.

You feel her pushing the bucket of popcorn a little higher, making room for her head underneath. From now on, you feel more than you see what she is doing. Her hands unbuckle your belt in silence, before she unzips your pants. Pulling down your boxers a little bit, your cock falls victim to her tongue.

Nagyung starts to suck you off in the middle of the theater. The girls and you aren't even the only once present. You shift around in your seat as Nagyung takes you deeper into her warm mouth. She is trying to stay quiet, but you can feel her hum in blissful delight at the taste of your cock.

You almost scream internally as Jiheon reaches inside the bucket on top of Nagyung's head. She pushes it down a little as she searches for a handful of popcorn. The unexpected push forces Nagyung further down your cock. In that moment, you are thankful for the fact that Nagyung got used to your size early on in your relationship. Even when your cock is halfway down her throat, just like right now, she is able to fight her gag reflex like a pro. The beautiful and lewd sounds and slurps she usually does for show are replaced by silent anticipation and determination.

Once Jiheon's hand leaves the bucket, Nagyung gets back to properly giving you head. Her hands now rest on your thighs as she starts to fuck her face with your cock. Silently of course. But hot as fuck nonetheless. You can't tell how long you will be able to keep it together. Is she going to make you nut right here?

You feel Nagyung's tongue play with the underside of your shaft, whenever she lifts her head off your cock. Afterwards, you hit the back of her throat, when she buries her face in your lap again. There is pretty much no sound coming from her. You are actually amazed at how good she is. And at the same time, you realize that you won't be able to stay silent for much longer. If she keeps going, you're gonna cum in the middle of the theater.

You are glad when Nagyung finally lifts her head off your cock completely. But your heart sinks once more, when she announces in a slightly raspy voice:

"I'm cold, oppa. Can we cuddle some more?"

Before you can protest, Nagyung is already sitting on your lap. Or rather on your cock. The bucket has moved to her own lap now. Apart from Chaeyoung and Jiheon, who glance at your direction, no one really cares. Except for Jiheon, who has a teasing grin on her face.

You feel your girlfriend grinding against your hard, wet cock, fitting it between her perfect cheeks. Resigning to your inevitable fate, you reach under Nagyung's skirt. No panties. Who would've thought? You wrap one arm around her waist, while the other aligns your cock with her wet core. Nagyung seems to have gotten off just as much as you by giving you head in public.

When she smoothly glides down your shaft, you can't help but sink your teeth into her naked shoulder to muffle your moan. Nagyung gasps, the others probably think because she is feeling cold.

But you know better. With both hands on her round ass cheeks, you lift Nagyung off your cock, after you've recovered from that initial spike of pleasure. Only your tip remains inside your girlfriend, before you slowly impale her on your cock again. You don't care about not being able to watch the movie. The way Nagyung's head slightly tilts back in pleasure is entertaining enough. Her pussy is leaving your cock coated with her juices, whenever you push her upwards.

"Too bad we can't go faster."

You whisper into her left ear, making sure Jiheon is oblivious.

Nagyung is too busy with biting her lip to be able to respond. It gives you control of the situation and you plan on using it to your advantage.

"You are such a slut."

Nagyung gasps as her ass meets your lap. You use your left hand to cover her mouth, while your right is flatly pressed against her midriff.

"You can't even wait a couple of hours, until we are alone, huh?"

You can't see Nagyung's head, but you can feel her shaking it.

"Needy whore."

You degrade her further with your words. Nagyung's pussy seems to tighten in response. The amount of juices that slowly trickle out of her makes her body glide down your cock like it's part of a well oiled machine.

"You would do anything for my cock. Right?"

She nods her head. Knowing that that's the only right answer. Even when she has you inside of her, just like right now, she would still do anything to keep you in place.

"Would you even let me fuck one of the girls?"

Nagyung immediately shakes her head.

You wouldn't have asked that question, if it wasn't for her search history. She asked you to google something on her phone a couple of days ago, because yours was out of battery and she was busy. Like the thoughtless, horny maniac she is, Nagyung didn't use the private tab option, or erased her browser history, after her sinful alone time.

You don't have anything against her watching porn. You can barely keep up with her sex drive anyway. And it's not like she has to watch it out of frustration, because you don't perform. It's just a way for her to get rid off just a little bit of stress.

Anyway, you know what kind of stuff she is usually looking for. And recently a new category has been popping up in her browser history several times. You were surprised to see it at first, because Nagyung is usually quite possessive of you. Your girlfriend seems to like porn, where the wife/girlfriend watches her man fuck her friend. Or at least have a threesome with a female friend.

"You don't want to watch how one of the girls give me head?"

You never really thought about her members like this before. Of course the are pretty. But you are in a relationship with Nagyung. And while she shakes her head again, you feel how her body is trying to tell you yes.

You ponder for a moment, if you should go further. Maybe mention someone in particular?

In that moment, Nagyung leans back against you, since she has kept her back straight this entire time. Her head leans against your shoulder. You see the teeth marks you left in her own. Nagyung carefully bites your hand, signaling you that she wants to say something. You release her off your grip.

"A-All o-of t-them."

Her needy moan makes you see stars. Is she actually serious? Even now, you don't actually consider doing this. It's just dirty talk to you. It's only there for making sure that you drive Nagyung over the edge as soon as possible.

"All of them?"

You cover her mouth again, so Nagyung is only able to nod.

"I bet Jiheon is really tight."

That sentence is all she needed. With a strong bite into your hand, Nagyung orgasms in your lap. It hurts. Not just her teeth, but her pussy as well. Because Nagyung is trying to stay silent, her entire body is already tense. It makes the muscles of her vagina work overtime, almost strangling your cock.

Luckily, she is able to stay silent. But you are now unable to hide your desire to finish yourself. You can't do that here though.

"Restroom. One minute."

Once Nagyung recovers, you squeeze her ass cheek as hard as you can, making her flinch in pain. Punishment for being such a naughty girlfriend.

1 am~

You never made it to the restroom. Both of you were unaware of what was going on around you. You only realised that the movie was over, when the members started to get up, once by one. It was still dark though, so you were able to pull your pants back up, before anyone noticed.

Now you are lying on the couch, staring at the white ceiling of the dorm's living room. All the girls are asleep. But you know it won't take long until...

And there she is. You hear her door open. And a moment layer, Nagyung is underneath the blanket.

2 am~

You have switched positions several times by now. First, Nagyung gave you head again, wanting you to be as hard as possible. You focused on her pussy next, eating her out to completion and earning a cute thank you. Nagyung rode you afterwards. Her hands on your shoulder, while she enjoyed the feeling of bouncing on your cock again and again. Then, you decided to bend her ove the back rest of the couch. You fucked your girlfriend hard and fast, making her cum for a forth time today.

She is now sitting on your lap, slowly riding you. After having satisfied her throughout the day, it is now her turn to offer her body to you in any way you want it.

You lean back, a little tired since it's late already, and just watch Nagyung slowly bounce up and down. Wanting to show off, she lets her hands wander over her midriff. You follow them with your eyes. Nakko plays with her own breasts, her head falling back as she enjoys the slow love making.

Eventually, she looks back down at you, smiling.

"I love you so much, oppa."

She kisses your lips. Her vanilla scent is still there, but one hour of fucking makes her smell a little sweaty. Evidence of having a good time.

"I love you too, Nakko."

You put your arms around her, holding onto one of your wrists with your other hand. It presses your girlfriend's body against yours, trapping her in your embrace.

"Why do you always have to be such a naughty brat?"

"Nagyung is no brat. She is just a needy slut for oppa's cock."

You're surprised that Nagyung is doing aegyo now.

"Is that so? Then why did Nagyung make me lie?"

"I just told you."

She pouts at you.

"Nagyung can't live without oppa's dick inside of her."

"What do you want oppa to do now?"

You play her little game, knowing how much it turns her on. Although, there isn't really something you can do that wouldn't turn her on. Nakko really is yours.

"Nagyung wants oppa to blast her face with cum. He must've build up a really big load throughout the day."

You can't say she is lying. After all these shenanigans, you are ready to finally let go of it all.

When you don't respond, because you want to see what happens next, Nagyung pouts at you.

"If... If you don't want to, you could come on someone else's face. Jiheon for example. Just let Nagyung watch please?"

You can't believe how far she is going with this.

"Would you wake her up?"

You feel Nagyung tightening around you as her pussy is still gliding along your shaft.

"No, oppa. Just cum on her. I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

You wonder for a moment if that's actually true. The idea makes you want to cum right now.

"Alright. If you promis to be a good girl from now on, I will cum on your face."

Her smile seems to light up the room.

"Thank you, oppa. Nagyung will be a good girl for oppa."

You help her with getting off of you. Nagyung quickly gets on her knees, ready to blow you to completion. She greedily sucks on your cock, big eyes looking up at you. You are almost there already. Nagyung is only able to get a couple of sucks and licks in, before you take your cock out of her mouth.

Her eyes give you permission to completely ruin her face. Wit your cock in your hand, you quickly get off the couch. A second later, you start to cum all over Nagyung. She blissfully gasps in surprise, when she feels your hot semen coat her face. Her lips, cheeks, nose, eyes, none of it got spared. You aim a little lower, making your last shots hit her collarbone and tits.

"Oppa..."

Nagyung sighs lustfully, her lips still connected by a string of cum, even when she speaks.

"This was worth lying about. Am I not right?"

Her cheeky grin makes you take a fistful of her long, silky hair.

"Let's see what Jiheon says, when she wakes up and sees your face covered in my cum."

-------------

Hi everyone!

Once again, I have to apologize for not being able for keeping this short. I planned on spending 20 minutes on it at most. It took me way more in the end. Hope you guys will be able to enjoy it anyways.

Because of some issues with Tumblr, I lost the last scene completely and had to rewrite it, so I apologize if it feels a little bit rushed. After losing like 20 minutes of work, I just wanted to finish it and post it.

The aegyo stuff is probably something not all of you are into, but I wanted to try and write the duality Nagyung sometimes has.

Thank you for reading!

Stay healthy!

[treysimp]

Sleepy? (TWST X OBEY ME)

GN!Reader/Leona Kingscholar (Twisted Wonderland) | VERSUS | GN!Reader/Belphegor (Shall We Date? Obey Me!)

Rating: T (Language)

Tags: Crossover, petty jealousy, love at first sight, Leona can never spit it out because he’s a tsundere, GN!Reader, reader’s body is not described nor are pronouns used, this is mostly silly and I just wanted to see the boys being bratty haha

Words: 1.5k

Want more TWST? Here’s my masterlist!

This fucking guy.

Leona was irritated. Of course he was. How could he not be?

This guy, this dumbass, sleepy, blue-haired asshole, was getting his demon smell all over the herbivore.

That job is already taken, buddy.

How did his day even end up like this?

He knew he should have said something the second this guy sauntered his way into his business, but he just assumed that a demon wouldn’t care about something as trivial as a human.

That was a mistake. Clearly.

Earlier that afternoon, Belphie was trying to reconcile the pain of the less-than-literal hell of his time on the Night Raven exchange trip with his enjoyment of visiting somewhere new.

As excited as he was to get the chance to explore, he also had barely gotten any sleep. He felt like he might pass out at any moment, and while taking a nap was easy, finding somewhere comfortable is not.

Wandering aimlessly on campus looking for somewhere comfortable to waste a few hours, Belphegor found himself quite taken by the large and elegant greenhouse that lurked on the outskirts of campus. It reminded him of the Devildom Botanical Garden, which was a perfect place to relax. Hopefully it was just as comfortable. With a shrug, he wandered inside, trying to spot a nice bench or a patch of grass to occupy.

As soon as he passed into the barrier, Belphie was overcome with a lovely herbal smell. Like chamomile tea and moss after the rain. Following the smell, he saw something unexpected.

You.

While Belphegor wasn’t the quickest to warm up to humans, he had gotten better at being at least civil to them. He was not the type to pay much attention to humans around him (especially in a place like this, with enough wizards to feel like there were hundreds of excitable little Solomon’s running around) but something about you was different.

Something about you was intoxicating.

He watched you from afar, listening to you quietly speaking to the small plant that you gently brushed with your fingertips. You had a book in your hand, and seemed to be reading it to the plant from it.

From what he could hear, it sounded like you were reading out care instructions and then asking the plant if they were correct. It was mindless chatter, clearly the habit of someone who liked to talk themselves through their thoughts. Cute.

While Belphie had been rather set on having a nap, you seemed far more interesting at the moment.

Having an idea, Belphie approached you, putting on his most innocent look as he shyly tucked his hands into the pockets of his pants.

“Hey, I’m lost. You’re a student, right? Can you help me?”

Your eyes raise to meet him and Belphie feels like his heart could fall out of his chest when you smile up at him.

“Ah… that uniform. You’re from the Devildom?” You asked. Belphie nodded excitedly at your question.

That saved him an explanation. Cute and clever. You were just getting better and better by the minute.

“Sure, where do you need to go?” You were seemingly prepared for the question, giving off the impression of being someone that is used to answering similar inquiries.

Straightening yourself to your feet from a crouch and brushing the dirt off of your knees, Belphie felt his mouth getting dry. This was too much for a first meeting, but everything in him was begging him to touch you.

You had donned a lab coat and some goggles, over your uniform. The oversized goofiness of your outfit only making you look all the more charming with the dichotomy. He could now see that the book you were holding was named ‘Plants Care Laid Bare: Making Potions On the Cheap’.

There was certainly something here he wouldn’t mind seeing bare.

“It’s embarrassing, but I was trying to find a place to take a nap. I don’t have a dorm assignment yet and I’m dead on my feet. Are there any good places around here?” He asked sweetly, keeping his tone friendly and sheepish in order to get closer and encroach on your physical bubble just a bit. Unsurprisingly, you were even cuter up close.

You giggled, which caused your nose to wrinkle just so. Oh man, he hadn’t fallen this fast since he… okay, we aren’t going to think about that actually.

“I have it on good authority that over there is actually the preferred nap spot of a friend of mine.” You say helpfully, pointing over to a cove comprised of flowering bushes.

Belphie looked over to where you were indicating, noticing what looked to be a… rope of some kind peeking out. Huh.

“Unfortunately it’s currently in use.” You say with a wink, reading the questioning lilt of his expression.

“There’s a patch of clover near the flower garden though, which is my personal favorite spot.”

“Oh, really? Will you show me there?”

“Sure!”

And that started your flirtatious friendship with Belphie. You spent time sitting in the clover talking for hours that day, getting surprisingly deep. You talked about your school, your friends, your likes and dislikes. Time went by both slow and fast, causing both of you to drift into a comfortable nap under the sun.

By the time you woke up, Belphie had nestled into your side and you felt a small trail of drool coming from the side of your mouth. Ew. Thankfully Belphie was asleep.

You felt a light kicking at your ribs and heard an irritated sigh.

“Hey. Herbivore. Wake up damnit.”

And here’s the reason you woke up in the first place.

“Hey Leona. What brings you here?”

Leona’s lovely face was knit with irritation. His emerald eyes were narrowed and strangely intense with an expression that you weren’t familiar with. His hair slipped gracefully over his shoulders as he leaned over you, blocking the sun and giving him a halo in the light that peeled around the edges of his silhouette. It was exhausting how pretty he was sometimes, you thought.

Belphie stirred from his place on your chest from the sound, hazarding an eye open to see a man with animal ears and a tail glaring down at him.

Putting two and two together, he looked at the newcomers expression of irritation and the playful smile you gave in response.

And from your earlier comment… that wasn’t a rope earlier, he thought. It was this guys’ furry widdle tail.

Looking at the appendage that was swinging in irritation in front of him, a smirk crossed Belphie’s lips. Did he have competition here?

“The hell you think you’re doing cuddlin’ up to a stranger in the middle of the day?” Leona groused.

And why wasn’t it him?

“Belphie and I were talking and accidentally fell asleep. I’m sure the king of naps himself can relate?” You say with a raised brow.

Okay, yeah you had a point. Even Leona had to agree with that one.

“Whatever. It’s dinner time anyway. Don’t be late or your annoying friends will come and bother me about where you are again.” Leona huffed, flipping his hair over his shoulder and planting a hand on his hip.

Belphie had to resist a giggle fit. If his competition was this guy, then he had nothing to worry about. This kind of smug, ruggedly-pretty boy would rather choke than show a real emotion. Easy pickings.

Belphie murmured your name softly as he put his hand over yours. He met your surprised gaze with a sweet smile.

Leona felt his eye twitch from seeing this grimy demon put his mitts on his precious friend. Did this little cud-chewing brat really think he could just waltz in here and steal your attention?

“Can you show me to the cafeteria? I should probably find my brothers.” He said, giving you a positively infectious smile.

You nodded and stood up, offering your hand to help Belphie stand up. Taking your extended arm and using it to get to his feet, with a ‘thanks’, Belphie conspicuously refused to let your hand go once he’s finished getting up.

You can feel the tips of your ears burning slightly.

Leona can feel a vein in his forehead about to burst.

“See you at dinner, Leona! Text me if you want me to grab you anything.” You say habitually, waving goodbye to your sourpuss of a buddy. What’s his problem today?

You and Belphie walked out towards the exit, and before you make it out the door, Belphie spared a glance to see the hilarious seething expression of his haughty rival.

Feeling smug, Belphie made eye contact, wiggled a brow, and made a lewd motion that is best left to the imagination.

Leona returned the lascivious farewell with a one-finger salute and stalked off, wanting to throw something at that little jackass.

If that little calf thought he could just waltz into the lion's den and steal what wasn’t his, he was going to have another thing coming to him.

Belphie is such a troublemaker I just wanted to see what he would do to get under Leona’s skin. So cute. 🥰

I hope y’all didn’t mind the crossover but I’m dying at all the possibilities hehehe

Let me know what you thought, love you reader!

Requested Tags:

@naniky , @lotus-sukimoto, @angrybees , @supernatural9000 , @youaskedfurret , @omg-its-ailatan , @acherrytart , @venniin , @chillywinterbreeze , @shytastemakerthing , @lovelynai, @fightmeucowardlmao, @riddle-simp , @leonkae , @kit4kat256, @dari-kun , @bluesylveon2 , @fr0llo, @witch-waycult , @stillserene , @rebel-faes-writing , @chopid-lulu, @rosalie-in-twisted-wonderland , @sunnyseaside, @sarahyumiko2 , @star-gods , @ninjas-are-the-shit , @kumiko-desu , @aikochan4859 , @hxlcyon , @buckketboy, @sideofblog , @daeda21 , @yandere-kou , @readinganas

[pupyuj]

I have a vision bestie. Imagine jock Yujin just fucking and dominating the shit out of her ex-girlfriend after someone hit on her on a party. The possessiveness over what's hers just kicked in her depsite the break up. Yujin is too fine to exist🤭

- 🦔

OH.. 🫢🫢🫢🫢🫢very sorry to anon, this ask is long overdue 💔💔 but another yujin drabble? you guys are so spoiled today! (now don't ask why this wasn't the energy that was present when i hit 1k followers 😭)

ever since you and yujin separated, everybody has been tripping over themselves trying to ask you out or get in your pants 😤😤 they're giving you flowers, courting you, giving you letters and even presents... it was all very sweet but after yujin, you weren't really interested in dating just yet :((( but nobody really listens to that so they keep asking you out,, and it happens in the party too ofc! literally everybody tried to get a piece of your time 😭 you were so popular that you barely got a step in before somebody started talking to you! 😩 but it wasn't until some drunken geek started hitting on you that things escalated 🫣

you were too polite to excuse yourself from the conversation so you just sat there, smiling and nodding to whatever that guy was saying,,, your eyes scanning the room for a familiar face just so you could get out but unfortunately there was nobody around... except ahn yujin in that stupid varsity jacket she probably cherished more than your fucking relationship 🙄 she was staring at you as she leaned against the wall, one hand holding a red cup and the other brushing through her hair.. christ, did she have to look so hot all the time? 🫠🫠

watching her while she ogled and smirked at every pretty girl that passed by, what a player honestly 😟 her meeting your eyes and winking at you, making you grimace and look away 😭 then you got bored of the party bcs your friends were all over the place and that weird guy was still talking to you, so you tried to stand up to finally leave but mr. weirdo put his hand on your thigh??? and leaned too close?? his drunken breath fanning your face 🤢 he didn't get another word in before he got thrown back in the couch rather violently by none other than your delightful ex-girlfriend,,

"you got a whole lotta nerve trying to touch my girl like that." and she spills her cup on top of the guy's head, soaking his hair with beer 😭😭😭 you may have questioned her love for you while you were dating, but the one thing you were sure of was her obsession towards you... she always made sure that people knew you belonged to one person only, and tonight wasn't going to be any different. even if the two of you have been separated for months now 😤

yujinnie dragging you inside an empty bedroom despite your half-hearted protests,, watching intently as she pulled off her jacket and let it drop to the ground while you sat on the edge of the bed,, as much as you hated being around her now, you couldn't wait to see just what entails you after all that 🤭🤭 "who are you calling your girl, yujin-ah? not me, i hope." you said while cheekily smiling up at your ex who was now standing in front of you all pissed 🫣 see, you could be a brat and put up a fight as much as you want, but there's no point to it when you willingly let yujin bend you over the bed with her fingers inside your cunt 😵‍💫

all your spunk just getting thrown out the window every time yujin's thumb brushes against your clit,, "louder, (y/n)." she would demand, each thrust hitting deeper and deeper inside you, making you wonder just why the fuck would you ever leave yujin if she took you to the stars like this 🤤 "this pussy will always belong to me. remember that." oh that's why!

"a-ahh..! fuck you, y-yujin... i hate you—" immediately shutting up when yujin increases her pace,, now you were face down on the bed, muffling your moans as best as you could but you could still be heard outside the room bcs yujin was so desperate to let everybody know that you still belonged to her :((( so she didn't care about the way you tried grabbing for one of her hands to try and stop her, or how you've started crying bcs it was all too much :(((

"think somebody else can fuck you as good as i can? huh? answer honestly, (y/n)." she would try and rile you up, grinning widely when you glared at her amidst your tears,, she's sick 😳 "answer, you bitch." she curls her fingers inside of you, making you squirm and buck your hips backwards just to have some more of what yujin was giving you 🫠🫠 "didn't hear me?" yujin spreads your legs open, pulls her fingers out, and slaps your pussy, earning a pained whine from you :(( odmoddfhjhg her continuing on slapping your cunt even when you told her what she wanted to hear??? she definitely doesn't stop until you were a rambling mess,,

her making you come from her slaps?? doesn't make fun of you for it bcs she fucking loved the sight,, moaning her name as you came undone, your legs shaking horribly and your vision almost blurring,, "that's my good girl. let everybody know who owns this pussy." msjhsdjdkj yujin making you turn around so she could lay you on your back, spreading your legs wide open once again and staring at your red pussy :((( "was that too much? i really missed you..." ugh she was so the type to take advantage of your state, trying to make you feel like she truly loved you,, maybe at one point she did, you'll never know bcs you wanted nothing to do with her after you broke up with her...

and yet—and yet!—you still let yujin kiss your lips, you still listen to the faux sympathy she offered you while she gently massaged your clit, and you still allowed her to go down on you,, letting her have a taste of you after the longest time,, the sounds of her slurps and own moans nearly being louder than yours,, and all the hatred you apparently hold towards her would never stop you from letting her mark you up and repeating whatever words she told you,,

"i belong to you."

"i'm yours."

"i love you."

and no matter how much you told yourself otherwise, deep in your heart, you knew all those words were true 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[miss-sweetea-pie]

A zutara rant about Aunt Wu’s prediction.

As a proud Zutarian I personally love the idea about aunt Wu’s prediction that she gave Katara about marrying a powerful bender is actually hinting at Zuko being the guy.

But I did see some antics mention “Zuko isn’t a powerful bender and it’s mentioned a lot that he’s not that good, they didn’t even think he was a fire bender bah bah”

First off that’s very rude!

So let’s over, analyze the fortune teller episode. Looking back on that episode we noticed that Aunt Wu’s predictions are technically accurate, but not always as they seem. this gets confirmed by the end of the episode and how that one man smugly tells Sokka that the prediction, said the village wouldn’t be destroyed and it wasn’t. Or that one guy having a safe trip and almost getting attacked by a platypus Bear but the gang saves him, technically, he still had a safe trip.

So the whole prediction is “ I see great romance for you the man you’re going to marry, he is a very powerful bender.” 

(technically that wasn’t actually the whole prediction, considering A.ang was eavesdropping  and well Kat@ang is all about A.ang and his feelings but I digress)

So the first half I guess is more about your taste in romance. I don’t think or feel like the canon kat@ang is this great epic romantic personality. But hey i’m willing to admit it could just be my taste. However the show does give us an example of a really powerful romances between Oma and Shu. In story lore of a romance that is so great it has been remembered for centuries and has a city named after them and ironically it has the famous enemies to lovers trope. hmm Interesting.

What I can defend though is the part that mentions “the man you will marry is a very powerful bender” you see A.ang it is a very powerful bender and once he is a fully realized avatar, he will probably be considered the most powerful bender. but like I pointed out Aunt Wu’s  predictions have a catch or they’re not always as you expect. And she said, A (not most) very powerful bender that could technically be anyone right? considering there are masters for all the different elements and being considered a master is still very impressive and seen as an accomplishment Even if you are not the avatar. So her future husband could be a possible Master. Adding the fact that most of the masters are old so this person could not even be fully realized yet, Insert Zuko.

So people mention that he isn’t that great of a bender or he’s not that powerful and yes, the show does mention that, but also who tells us that? Oh right. His dad the literal villain. The people that try to put him down tell him that he isn’t good enough. personally, I also think the show try to contradict that by showing us moments. for example in book one he did take down Zhao and showed him mercy. (when I watch the show, I think Zuko is actually holding back a lot of the time because he does have a consciences. his whole arc was kick started by him, having a conscience  and being empathetic so I don’t think it’s crazy to imagine him holding back a little). so when Ozai calls Zuko weak it’s kind of similar to how he calls A.ang weak in the finale. But no one questions A.ang not being a powerful bender. Hmmm weird.

Also, the other reason why I think Zuko being the one in the prediction is just better for the story is because the idea that you can become a powerful bender just feels so satisfying to me. In the show people still need to find masters and grow their skills. we are shown that people get better at things over time if they apply themselves. I think that’s a really good lesson. A similar lesson is already applied with Katara I may add, so it’s pretty fitting in a way.

Also the fact that he learns the true meaning of fire bending adds a nice layer of depth. it isn’t just about the skill of fire bending It’s also about the mindset. It really goes to show how he really has become a better and powerful bender in the end.

[transmutationisms]

fucking love your takes!! you always hit the nail right on the head :)

if i can ask, whats your opinion on the roy siblings’ relationship to sex?? i feel like it’s interesting that their relationship to sex is such an integral part of each of their characters (romans entire thing, shivs issues with monogamy, connor and willa, etc) and im wondering why they set it up that way. out of them all, is there any u think has the healthiest relationship with sex? (im tempted to say kendall lol because his issues with sex seem more garden-variety ie. using sex to fill an emotional void for love and attention and power etc but idk. i feel like there’s more there)

the kids' sex issues accomplish a few different things. one is that, in general, the show leans heavily on the characters' fear of the body as an alien, uncontrollable site of potential humiliation. no matter how wealthy and powerful they are, they can't stop logan from aging and dying; they piss or shit or trip on the stairs; and they therefore have trouble relating to sex in an uncomplicated way. the sex issues telegraph an overall discomfort with their bodies and an alienation from themselves.

more specifically, the way each sibling relates to sex is a direct function of their assigned role in logan's system of gender and corporate hierarchy, and indicates the ways in which they struggle with those positions. roman has always been seen as weak, effeminate, and therefore disgusting; he doesn't identify with the dominant, normatively masculine role, and doesn't want to fuck anyone, in business or literally. his most fulfilling sexual encounters on the show have been gerri echoing the way his father talks to him, and roman getting off on the objectification. shiv instinctively identifies with the dominant role, and has some of the killer instinct for it, but has been excluded from it by her father's view of her as a kind of permanent adolescent girl, kept sexually pure and disembodied; she has difficulty transitioning to the role of wife or mother, as she sees getting fucked physically as equivalent to getting fucked metaphorically, and considers both humiliating and beneath her. her open marriage arrangement would in some ways be quite normative were she a cis man, but instead, it's seen as a violation of her gender role. connor was at one point the heir by default, but is now considered biologically extraneous; his politico-sexual ideology encourages the 'productive' use of sperm, namely through reproduction, yet connor is childless and only recently in a committed relationship. his relationship is transactional—like all relationships on the show—but it bothers him on some level, and multiple times he has tried to convert this into a more romantic language that he wants willa to speak. kendall has been placed in their heir role, which demands exercise of a specific form of masculinity that includes being the one who literally and physically fucks his partners / subordinates, but he speaks this language awkwardly and unsuccessfully in business, and although he can fuck and enjoy fucking, he views his own sex life through logan's eyes and sends away both naomi and jennifer when logan disapproves of them. he also relates to his body primarily as a tool meant to accomplish a task, rather than an object of desire: an obvious point of comparison is his confusion when naomi asks for a dick pic, in contrast to roman actively wanting to frame his own body as an object for consumption that he then sends to gerri.

broadly speaking, their difficulty adhering to logan's definitions of sexual normality are indicative of the violence inherent in those definitions. his disgust at roman's sexuality, disdain of connor's relationship, sense of ownership over roman's and kendall's sexual expressions, and persistent denial of shiv's body and sexuality are all part of the same system, and affect how the kids see themselves and their own sexualities. also, because sex and politics and business all operate within the same discursive field, it would sort of be impossible for any of them to have simple pleasurable experiences of sex as long as they're still trying to exist in waystar or indeed in the broader capitalist structure it encapsulates. for them, there simply is no differentiating their own sex lives from structures of interpersonal violence and economic exploitation.

i don't think the show is trying to argue that any of these is a 'healthier' relationship to sex than any of the others. in general i would challenge that framework (like, healthier for whom? healthier defined by whom? &c) and i also just think the siblings each have distinct shit going on, and it's not generally possible to 'rank' them on any kind of scale of severity; they're just different. additionally, i think all of the siblings' sexual behaviours are a mix of things that are benign on their own, and only appear pathological in relation to the demands logan makes of them, and then things that are more inherently painful for them, regardless of their father. & of course, sometimes those lines blur or shift.

[anonymoushouseplantfan]

I don't actually care about the runours that Meghan has moved to LA. Like others, I have long assumed that her ultimate goal was to move to LA, establish herself as the biggest A+ list celebrity there and use her faux royal status to preen about town, getting papped in parking lots. So I'm not surprised she is rumoured to be in LA (at the Beverly hills hotel, acc to some anons)

What's interesting to me is that there is no mention of the kids at all. Whether it's Harry's narrative or hers, there is never any mention of how and with whom the kids are being raised while they/he/she travel abroad, jetset to NYC now n then, or take holidays. There are never any rumours or speculation in papers, talk shows or anon comments. Which makes me think that every time there is an article or gossip that one of them is living in a hotel, it has been started by their own PR.

I think that meghan wants to stay in the news so bad, wants the public scrutiny so bad that she starts her own rumours. Maybe it is her way of station ahead of others. Or maybe she resnets that noone organically cares about the demise of their awesome lovestory... But I believe the pre-invictus and now pre-NYC trip separation speculating is part of her PR to get maximum coverage when they are seen together.

I do believe the magic has long been dead in that relationship. And logically speaking, a loving couple with children, who have sold themselves as a lovestory all these years, when they are being inundated with separation rumours like this would at least say something about how raising their kids, spending time with them is important to them.

It's one thing to keep the kids away from the ameras. But it's one thing to be constantly seen travelling all over the world for days on end, on a private jet!, and not even have the kids with you. Esp since the kids are still literal toddlers, so it's not like they are missing school.

It's doing things like this that will eventually make it impossible for even Harry to redeem himself in the public eye. For all his moaning, he is seemingly giving his own children a worse upbringing in their formative years than he got from his allegedly emotionally stunted parents.

Well, they both had pretty unconventional childhoods with haphazard parental care. They probably think they’re giving their kids a perfect upbringing compared to what they experienced growing up.

[chogiwow]

confessions of a wilted flower | hwang hyunjin

genre: first love, fluff, slight angst

wc: 12.2k+

warnings: that high school love i can never have again, reader has a fear of failure, general stress about grades but grades can go fuck themselves, hyunjin is a little jelly ft. jeno

a/n: prolly still not proofread expect the random typos sorry :'>

i.

The first time Hyunjin ever confessed to you was in elementary school.

It was child's play, quite literally.

Holding up a bougainvillaea with a crumpled petal, for it had been the closest substitute he could find on his way to school in place of the red rose he had so carefully wrapped in a plastic sheet last night with his mother and neatly tied a white ribbon around, but had forgotten to take in the morning, he had stuttered through his lips for a way to confess.

Seemingly all the times he had practiced it in his mind instead of working on his multiplication tables had vanished — all gone, his perfect "I love you" and the time he could have spent learning the seven's multiplication.

You had accepted the rather shabby flower, holding it precariously by its stem and blushed at his confession, even though he had settled for a "I like you" in the end, not finding it in himself to do otherwise under the giggling mess that his entire class was, ooh-ing at his display of affection.

And that's how Jisung, to this date, keeps teasing him about it. Curse the heavens for putting them in the same class back then.

A confession at six was probably not even a proper confession. But who made that rule? Who gave people the right to disregard a six year old’s thumping heart and nervous stutters and the colossal amount of courage he had to summon to say those three words with a crumpled up flower for a sorry excuse of a valentine’s day offering?

So what if he was a kid? Hyunjin had seen a fair amount of proposals that never went wrong, where the adults in the movies would hand their love interest a flower, kiss and hold hands. It was simple right? Hyunjin thought so too. He would confess, give you the flower, mayhaps get a kiss and hold hands with you.

The kiss had been optional in his books, his mind no less than a nervous, flustered wreck at the thought of your lips on his. Yes, he could definitely survive without the kiss. Besides, he was too young… he could kiss you some other time, when you were both adults.

His first valentine’s day had therefore come to an end disastrously — at least that’s how it had been for him.

He realised that a confession of love should never be done in the first period, that was art and the children were allowed to chatter amongst themselves because their art teacher was the kindest soul on this earth who let her students talk and play in class. Because this meant that the entire class was talking about you two, more about Hyunjin than you though, and he had to sit in forced silence in a group of rowdy boys making kissing faces at him and mocking his “I like you” in a high pitched voice. He was feeling rather pathetic while you sat in a circle with your friends who were giggling and teasing you too.

He had to run away when he saw you approach the water taps to fill your bottle, leaving his own favorite red spider-man bottle abandoned as he sprinted to the class, too embarrassed at the prospect of facing you the entire day.

Alas, he had not got to hold your hand that day either.

He had gone back home depressed, absently looking out the window as the horrible day kept replaying in his head.

Every day he got down the bus and saw his mother waiting to pick him up, he would smile and hug her and babble about how his day went, how Jisung tripped over his own feet and the whole class laughed at him, the three red stars his math teacher had drawn on his homework and you. Mostly you — how you had offered to share your spring rolls with him, lent him your precious set of colour pencils and saved him a seat beside you during lunch.

That day he got off the bus with a sad pout, and when his mom took his bag from him and inquired about the missing water bottle, he burst into tears.

It would have seemed that he was crying because he had forgotten to retrieve his bottle after successfully avoiding you, and now he was afraid of the scolding as a consequence. But in reality, it was because he was positively convinced his love life was over — ruined, gone to shambles and never to come back again.

Quite dramatic, but understandable for a six year old experiencing his first times and messing it up.

“There, there,” his mother had patted him on his back, lifting him up in her arms and letting him wrap his clenched fists around her neck, crying into her shoulder.

The six year old Hyunjin had hated the sight of roses since that day, irrespective of their colour be it red or white or pink, and had unceremoniously crushed the flower on reaching home, plastic wrapping and ribbon included and stomped on it on the ground.

His mother had sympathised with her son, musing at his small body with so much anger and resentment it carried, and baked him his favorite banana cake along with a cup of chocolate smoothie.

Needless to say, he had let go of his sulky pout the next day, for you had invited him to your birthday party in the coming week. He didn’t have to avoid you the entire day and even grabbed his water bottle his homeroom teacher had retrieved for him rather gleefully, ignoring her words of taking care of his personal belongings better in his exhilarated state at having things back to normal.

And he babbled again to his mom that afternoon, not forgetting to mention your birthday and wondering what he could possibly get you, going as far as enquiring excitedly about the amount of money in his pink piggy bank. She had laughed at him and said rather gently that it was enough to buy you a decent present.

What Hyunjin didn’t know was that you had gone home in tears that day as well. Some kid in the bus had accidentally sat on your flower and squashed it. One of the petals was torn and by the time you reached home, it was already losing the bright coral colour and had veins of black running across the other petals.

It was a whole ordeal trying to get you to quieten down, your dad explaining to you in patient tones on how all flowers wilted at some point, the ones which were plucked sooner than the ones still blooming on plants. It took you an hour to understand. Or maybe you just stopped crying because you were tired.

Kids can be so simple and yet complex.

ii.

Hyunjin’s dislike for roses had remained even as he grew up to be a frequent receiver of the darned flower.

But Hyunjin was a kind kid. Beneath all the awkward limbs and sinking feeling in his chest that came with the realisation that he was going to have to turn down yet another valentine rose, he did it kindly.

“Ah, sorry… I don’t like you that way,” he’d mumble, toes curling inside his shoes at the sheer amount of people who had gathered to watch him break another heart and you sitting in one corner of the room, where the coral rays of the afternoon sun only glowed on you and the curtains only fluttered around your frame. It was puppy love for Hyunjin, one that made his teenage heart do cartwheels around you; all that ‘the time seemed to stop’ jazz.

Fifteen year old Hyunjin was still in love with you.

And that made it hard for him to ignore the red roses taped to his locker door, the white ones along with chocolates placed on his desk and the pink ones he’d receive from girls from other classes.

Fifteen year old Hyunjin had very carefully ensured that you were no wiser of his feelings.

And that made it easier for him to hang out with you after school in the playground, sucking on ice lollies and tasting a bit of each other’s lolly flavours. This surprisingly didn’t concern him in the least as an indirect kiss. It also weighed less on his conscience when he’d deliberately play a horror movie, knowing that if he kept the throw pillows on his side, you’d cling on to his arm, that being the nearest thing you could bury your face into. He could always play it off as his way of teasing you.

Fifteen year old Hyunjin also held your hand in his.

The first time was because he was genuinely scared of going on the pirate ship in the amusement park that you had dragged him to on the eve of your sixteenth birthday, teasing him of how he was still couple of months younger than you; you had to intertwine your fingers with his and put up with his constant whining and foot stomping about the whole ordeal.

He never went on that ride again.

The second time, though intended, the hand holding came more naturally.

It was on the subway… actually, it was even before the subway.

It was a Friday evening, and both of you were catching a train later than your usual one having spent the freedom that came with finishing your exams, on the old market street near your school.

Apparently you had come across a picture of tonkatsu surfing through the hell that social media was, and had craved the crispy snack. On further research, you found out about the shop and texted Hyunjin about it excitedly.

Your messages had been amusing, a mixed bag of threats and pleading. Somehow the clash of emotions had made him smile. Your impatience always shone through when you didn’t get prompt replies to your messages.

[you]: we’re going there tomorrow after school, no ifs and buts.

Sent at 7:30. No wonder your following messages were a mess; he had just gone to take a shower and had come back to his phone blowing up with your spam. Unfortunately, he had left your chat open, so it had seemed as if he had left you on read.

[you]: don’t you leave me hanging now !!

[you]: hey! are you ignoring me?

[you]: omg hwang hyunjin you ass, the one time i need you, you leave me on seen?! The aUDACITY !! the Betrayal™ :’((((((

[you]: fine then. leave me on read and never talk to me again. i shall enjoy myself without your constant annoying company

 [you]: hyuuuuunjiiiiiiinnnnnn, cmoooooooooooon,,,, i was kidding about you being annoying, please please please come with me ;-;

[hyunjin]: geez, i was in the shower and left our chat open. You know i’ll say yes, it’s the last exam -_-

[you]: yAYYYYY HWANG HYUNJIN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH !!11!!!!1!!

Hyunjin knew you hadn’t truly meant your last message, nonetheless it made him drop his phone on his chest and facepalm.

As promised, promptly after the last bell rang, signifying the finish of two hellish weeks of exams, he made his way over to your classroom where you had been seated temporarily for exam period only. It was then that he had tugged on your hand in the horde of students, excitedly chatting about summer break and pulled you out of the crowd.

It was an unspoken agreement between the two of you to never bring up the question paper and discuss it once you were officially through with the whole ordeal of sitting at a desk for two hours working on pythagoras problems and reciting world war dates in chronological order — it was history and must not ever be brought up.

So the two of you settled on chatting about plans for summer vacations, mostly trying to fit in studying in your schedule that comprised mainly of catching the first screening of the new movie coming out next week and having a different flavour of ice cream at the new ice cream parlour that had recently opened down your street.

The walk to the old market street wasn’t long, it was pleasant to be ambling along the road under the muted afternoon sun with a spring breeze blowing and an occasional dry leaf falling on your shoulder when you had to wait at the cross section for the lights to turn red.

Although there wasn’t much of a crowd yet given the hour of the day, once you reached the market street, there was quite a hustle. The pavements were lined up with stalls, multicoloured cloth awnings serving as a splash of colour. It was comical, the way the main street and the market stood in contrast with each other, as if two worlds had somehow stuck at the junction of their collision, hanging in space awkwardly.

The hum of the cars and honking had set a backdrop to your evening rendezvous, the hullabaloo of the market chaos making a din like crickets on a hot summer day.

You could catch the people reciting orders of food and mothers bargaining with vendors on the price of ceramic jugs.

Hyunjin noticed the way your eyes sparkled, your lips pursing themselves in a smile he knew you were suppressing out of sheer excitement, and your eyes travelling greedily, taking in the scene in front of you. Markets, for whatever odd reason, excited you to no end.

You held on to your reasoning that somehow it was easy to blend in with the multitude of people and pretend you didn’t exist in a world where people were concerned about mundane things.

The lanterns strung high up, but not too high up, hadn’t been lit up yet. They would be soon though, because late afternoon marked the busiest time of the market. Fathers rushing home with candied pineapples wrapped in a local newspaper bag from the trusted man in his fifties, who sometimes gave away free candies to kids, young women looking for a hair piece and earrings to wear on dates - something pretty but not too expensive, orders of steamed buns in servings of a dozen ringing through the air, the steam rising off the heated pans sizzling with water and oil.

Everybody existed, and yet nobody paid attention. It was a happening experience.

In that seemingly bustling void of craziness, and people pushing past each other, yet not minding the shoulder bumps, your eyes found his.

Hyunjin was sure he would have missed it had he not been intently staring at you under the golden evening, but when your eyes lock he feels so grateful that even amongst thousands of people, you found him; you chose to find him.

It made him happy, his hand reaching out for yours and clasping together, eyes soft under your own sparkling ones. It’s times like this that he found his heart wavering; a clench of muscles that released the butterflies in his stomach.

You raise an eyebrow, bringing up your clasped hands and point at it with your chin.

“So I don’t lose you,” is his reply, and oh so befitting,

You don’t overlook the underlying meaning to his words, rather you choose to do so. Because if you didn’t, then you would have to question his intentions, and if that happened you might find yourself questioning whether you liked it or not, and that in turn would lead to confusion, because… surely, you weren’t supposed to like your best friend?

It was easy and a simpler route — ignore all complexities and just hold hands; no questions asked, no intentions suspected, just innocent hand holding. The action of placing your palm in the palm of another person and clasping them together under a slowly darkening sky lit up with orange and yellow lanterns that casted a sweet, charming glow on the handsome face of your best friend.

How stupidly romantic, and yet it was your own mind conjuring these things up. You just wanted to hold hands.

Hyunjin decided that he had stared long enough at your face, a flush rising up his neck that he entirely blamed upon the proximity of the steaming pan of the pastry seller. The sweet fragrance of cinnamon and honey was like amortentia and Hyunjin abashedly pulled you away from the stall, hand still holding yours.

You ended up roaming the streets for a good half an hour in search of your tonkatsu place, before you finally realised it was tucked away in a smaller alleyway in between two stalls that casted a shadow in the entrance. Hyunjin, as much as he liked you, was also pissed off when you kept making him run around in circles with a backpack on his shoulders and his hands growing uncomfortably sweaty in the heat.

Now, this was something Hyunjin hadn’t foreseen; physical touch was all good until you had the embarrassing memory of trying to live down the sweating due to nerves and heat. Still, he didn’t hate it as much as the first rose he had demolished.

Now that you both were finally fed and on the train back home, he had other things to worry about than just sweaty palms.

For one, you were wearing your bag up front, hugging the pastel blue fabric protectively with the knowledge that inside lay two paper bags of piping hot tonkatsu and sauce, carefully wrapped in plastic. This caused Hyunjin some pain, for the chain of your front pocket kept digging into his skin every now and then.

Secondly, this train was packed to the brim with people going home from work. The man behind him kept bumping into his back and resulted in him colliding with you… your bag, more like.

“Can’t you just wear the bag like it’s supposed to be worn? On your back?” Hyunjin hisses at you, his hand coming to rest on his chest after another collision.

“But what if someone steals my food?”

Your exclamation doesn’t amuse him, rather he looks at you like he wants to throw you off the train.

“(y/n), nobody wants to steal your cheap tonkatsu, okay?” he grimaces to make a point.

You feign a gasp of horror, hands patting your bag comfortingly.

“So what if they’re cheap? They’re the best ones I’ve ever had, and don’t you deny it,” you raise your voice when he’s about to interrupt, “You literally inhaled four plates of these cheap tonkotsu Hwang Hyunjin.”

He gives up when you pout at him, shaking his head in defeat.

The train stops at a station right then with a jolt and Hyunjin finds himself leaning over you, his free hand that wasn’t clutching the overhead handle reaching out to grab your flapping hands that had no support to resist the laws of inertia.

His fist encloses over your own, pulling you towards him so that he’s subjected to yet another assault from your bag but manages to not let you topple in a crowd of people behind you. The distance separating you is negligible, and had it not been for Hyunjin’s insane growth spurt in just a few months from when he turned fifteen, your face would have been smushed against his own, unlike now, when your nose crashed painfully against his chest.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Hyunjin worriedly inquires, bending his head to your level to inspect the damage. Your eyes were tearing up and you were rubbing your nose that was tingling in pain.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” you sniff, blinking your tears back, “but what the hell, I swear your chest is just made of a rock.”

Of course you would blame him, how typical.

“So much for saving you,” he rolls his eyes, nevertheless, rubbing your nose with his thumb and pinching your cheek afterwards.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you sulk, “you just prevented me from falling, not save my life or anything.”

“I’m thinking I should have just let you fall,” he deadpans.

You hit his chest softly, your hand finding its way to the hem of his shirt where it tucked at the fabric.

Hyunjin glances down at your fingers and then to your face, which was busy looking down at the interesting pattern of your shoes. With an inexplicable hesitance, he gently pries your fingers apart from his shirt and slips his hand in yours.

You hum contendendly, the noise going unnoticed and blending in with the buzz of the train machine.

Fifteen year old Hyunjin had at least got to hold your hand in his.

iii.

The second time you received a proper confession was in high school.

It wasn't the season of love, but then again, love blooms in every season. And it wasn’t Hyunjin.

The warm days were coming to an end, and you were starting to pull out all the sweaters and hoodies from the back of your closet.

Another set of examinations had just come to an end. This time Hyunjin had actually studied for his physics test rather than second guessing his answers and settling for option B after rounding up his decimals and digits in the first place which resulted in a consecutive row of option C on his answer sheet.. He even worked out the multiplication in a rough column on the left side of his page.

The reason for the sudden interest and desire to do well in the subject was because he had successively failed his prior minor tests, ranking at the bottom for this particular subject and if he didn’t get his grades up, there was a high chance of him failing at the end of the academic year even after a cumulative total was taken into consideration.

That and, if he didn’t get his grades up he was going to be debarred from applying under the performance arts department in university, which Hyunjin could not let happen. It was the sole reason he had been slaving away in the shabby dance studios after school every day.

The easiest way out of this to get you to tutor him.

Getting you to agree had been easy when you had agreed to do it voluntarily because you were as concerned as him about his grades, but for different reasons. Where you just wanted to graduate together, even though that meant Hyunjin barely passed his subjects, he was just worried he would have to settle for a mediocre college with a stream he didn’t like in the first place.

“Alright so, using Fleming's left hand rule, your forefinger is pointing towards the direction of the force field...see, ‘f’ for forefinger and ‘f’ for force field…”

“Yes and ‘f’ for fuck this shit.”

You sighed for the seventh time in the last five minutes, sitting back on the floor seeing how Hyunjin had given up not even half an hour under your tutelage, lying on his back with his arms spread out.

“It’s too hard, I can’t do this,” he groans, squirming around on your carpet and messing it up.

“I know,” you reply with a bored tone, “that’s like, the twentieth time you’ve said that since we started studying.”

“Oh you wouldn’t be so patronising had you been dumb like me,” he chastises, pointing an accusing finger and lifting his head to glare at yo with his double chin protruding out.

“I’m trying to make you less dumb, now get up and let’s at least finish this topic.”

Hyunin whines again, stomping his foot and messing the carpet under you further as he throws yet another tantrum. You grabbing the nearest cushion and throwing it at him only makes him act out more when it hits his face with a pouf.

“Come on future dancer, get off your ass and do it for that university you’ve been whining about,” you attempt at the psychology of backhanded guilt tripping, because it usually works on Hyunjin.

You know it does and yet you use it to make him work even though it makes you feel a little guilty.

Hyunjin lays silently on the ground, his fingers twitching under the signals his brain was sending him to get up and stop the guilty conscience he had unwittingly found out made his chest pang, but his limbs were locked in place and he was physically unable to get himself up from his sprawled position on your floor.

“If you do this and solve the questions I give you,” you start with a scheming tone, one that Hyunjin is too well acquainted with, “I’ll set you up on a date.”

Hyunjin doesn’t remember the last time he’s jolted up this fast. Not even when he had missed his first alarm and slept ten minutes into his usual routine which already made him late every morning, he had lain on his bed and rubbed his face, making no attempts at hurrying up. 

Not even when you had rudely interrupted his Saturday morning sleep in time by jumping straight on his middle; he had merely groaned and kicked you out of his bed, facing away from you and curling up into a ball.

The knowledge that you were thinking - no, planning - on setting him up on a date was news to him. And quite a horrifying one at that, because he can’t remember the last time he ever talked of his dead love life to you, but if he didn't know better, he would have thought that the apparent stagnancy in his streak was binding on you.

What gave you such a ridiculous idea?

You scoff in disbelief, crossing your arms across your chest and humming in interest.

“Someone is eager.”

Hyunjin is annoyed at the way you smile at him; that devilish grin borne not out of a suppressed nonchalance but an impish excitement at the prospect of planning out his love life. He’s annoyed at your obliviousness and rightfully so because even to this date, he’s never loved someone as much as you.

Your grin makes him feel pathetic, vividly aware of the thin line separating you two from a platonic and romantic relationship. No he’s not frustrated over his unrequited feelings, it was your futile matchmaking and the fact that you ever thought he'd be interested in dating and dating someone who wasn't you.

His youthful crush weighs like a burden on him at that moment.

Why was it that you were so unimaginative? How could it be that you completely overlooked the p;ausability of you two being a thing?

He gulps thickly, an action which accomplishes nothing but pushing his already sinking heart further down, his body sagging under the weight of twelve years worth of crush that felt like a sack of cotton submerged in water.

His swimming instructor had told him that breathing was a crucial skill in the sport. It may appear simple, but knowing when to lift your head above the water and catch your breath is a skill that takes practise.

Despite the fact that Hyunjin had received an A in that class, he couldn't even recall how to breathe on land. It was akin to being under water, his limbs kicking insensibly at the water in an endeavor to resurface, but heavy chains attached to his ankles pulling him down the more he resisted.

In that moment he resented a little for stealing his breath away unannounced, and he meant it as literally as he could. He resented the way you observed him with a teasing glint in your eyes, as if you had him all figured out. You didn’t and you were so very wrong for thinking otherwise.

And he was so very wrong for not realising how your intended words that spring Saturday had an underlying message that he had neglected.

iv. 

Contrary to how sweet strawberry milk Hyunjin was sipping on should have tasted, his mouth was left with a bitterness that he could physically feel at the back of his tongue.

“He asked you out on a date?”

His disdain is just short of the frown that he conceals under a hasty version of eyebrows shooting up in fake surprise.

You hum in confirmation, turning to a new page in your textbook and scribbling down the molecular formula for formaldehyde before forgetting. Hyunjin was perplexed by your indifference, which he perceived was likely because once you buried your nose in your books, not even the hottest most scandalous gossip being whispered around you would make you look up. It was surprising you were even acknowledging his presence in the middle of studying for your quiz tomorrow, and while that did raise red flags, Hyunjin decided not to pursue it.

Leaving the half empty carton of milk by your bedside table he finds respite on your bed, hugging a yellow throw cushion to his chest and fixing his gaze at the back of your head, meditating on his thoughts with a frown he had finally succumbed to.

Even though your attention was on the list of chemical terminologies you had highlighted with different colours based on their functional groups, it was hard to ignore the burning state directed at the back of your head. While it would have been seemingly easy for you to pretend not to address his glare, you were admittedly in a state of turmoil yourself.

The pastel pinks and blues on your text was starting to irritate you, coupled with the impatience you would feel a mile away radiating off Hyunjin, you decide you need to acknowledge this situation before you lose your sanity being subjected to the traumatic hellhole that high school education was.

(You heard from Felix that a girl in his class started having panic attacks when she was asked to solve a question on the board that was supposedly an important one for their finals. She had to be taken to the infirmary but she became so paranoid about missing class that she had to be sent back home)

Flinging your own across the table, you swivel your chair around so fast it makes Hyunjin flinch, raising a hand to his heart in shock.

"Holy shit, that scared me!'

"Alright, what is it? What do you want to know, just spit it out."

Hyunjin could be oblivious to a lot of things. For example, the pointed stares whenever he would fling his arm around your shoulder in the hallways, or the upset tears when he would have to politely turn down another confession. But he never fails to pick up your little quirks and behaviors.

You're not upset that often, but when you are you shut yourself off from people because you're too afraid of what you'll say if you do open your mouth. And when you're sad, for a reason or not because everybody's allowed to be a bit sad without a cause, your eyes lose focus as you stare off into space, lips turned down in a sad frown.

It's hard to miss the frustration lacing your voice now when it sounded almost like you were mad at him for it. And while you had your reasons, you don’t think you’re obligated to address the questioning frown on his face.

“I didn’t say anything!”

“Oh yeah,” you scoff, “you didn’t say anything, but the way you stare me down is nothing compared to it. It’s annoying!”

“I wasn’t going to say anything either, what so… now I can’t even look at you?”

“Of course you can look at me, but you’re doing that thing which annoys me.”

This argument was starting to get pettier by the minute, your immature remarks ricocheting off the walls like childish rebukes. ‘That thing’ you mentioned is something Hyunjin is unaware he’s doing unless you point it out.

It’s the frustratingly confused frown on his face along with his teeth biting on his nails (and he wonders why his nails look short and ugly).

“Well I’m annoyed too… no, not annoyed, but like… upset that I found out about my best friend being asked out from someone who isn’t my best friend!” his hands move in dramatic waves, the complaining ending with a sharp jab of his finger in the air pointed towards you.

“Well I was going to,” you defend yourself, “as soon as we got home. How was I supposed to know word would travel so fast? And if anything, it could have been a rumor, how could you believe it so easily?”

It was a rhetoric, a clear indication that this blame game could go on and on if you wanted; and Hyunjin believed in it because factually speaking, you were the smarter of the two and you made better points. He just yelled and made noises of disbelief.

Fighting was no new concept to you both and you had both accepted that as pretty as a relationship can be, sometimes a bit of yelling does one good more than harm. Neither of you liked the essence of it though, so it had been a pact you made him sign in middle school to not let it become a matter of concern, especially when you knew some insults could be a little too much to handle sometimes.

While you were more supportive of your arguments, Hyunjin had a more tactless approach, therefore, decidedly it was him who mostly backed down.

That’s what he does now because as much as he would hate to admit, you had a point and there was no reason for you to hide this from him.

He relaxes into your cushions, crossing his arms and pouting in defeat.

You knew this meant that he had more to say, but was giving you a chance to explain; much rather like a sulky kid letting their mother explain to them why two plus two equals four and not five; not a word would you get out of him until you were done.

“Alright,” you sigh, doing what you supposed you should have done yourself rather than wait for your best friend to interrogate you about it.

“Jeno asked me out at lunch today, and since you were nowhere to be found — by the way I waited like a fool in front of your class for ten whole minutes before someone told me you were in the dance room,” you scowl at him forgetting to mention it to you, his lips forming a small ‘o’ in revelation, then sheepishly falling into an apologetic smile.

“So then i was on my way to you, giving up on my precious lunch,” another scowl, “but I bumped into Jeno on the way who was nothing but sweet about it to me, and asked me what I was down in the basement, so I told him about going to find you, but apparently you already went to lunch?”

“Wait I can explain,” Hyunjin interjects, sitting up on your sheets, because now it was starting to feel like you were constantly reminding him of how things had come to this and it was all his fault, “the reason I didn't stop by your class was because I thought you would already be in the lunch hall and I could just meet you up there, and as for not telling you, it was an emergency meeting our instructor called so I had no way of letting you know…”

“Yeah okay,” you accepted his justification, albeit still a bit miffed about it, “So anyway, we just fell into a casual conversation while walking to lunch together, but then one of his friends… Haechan, I think? The one who’s always yelling at Mark in the football field… anyway, not my point — he appears out of nowhere and pounces on Jeno, so then I’m just kind of stuck waiting for Jeno because he did get cut off mid sentence, and it would be pretty rude of me to just leave,”

“Since when have you cared about being rude…” Hyunjin mumbles under his breath, hiding his pout with the pillow he was hugging. Thankfully you don't hear it, or you pretend you don’t.

“Well anyway, that’s how I missed my lunch and Jeno felt bad about it, so he offered to buy me a meal tomorrow,” you shrug.

“Wait, hold on… tomorrow?” Hyunjin is unable to hide the shock in his voice. He had no idea your date was tomorrow.

“Yeah…” it sounds more like ‘so what?’ as if this didn’t phase you in a bit.

“Besides, he just meant to grab a meal at the cafe at the intersection, and he didn’t really call it a date, although…”

“Although?”

Your hesitance hits Hyunjin like a wave of anxious foreboding, ankles crossing under his feet. Although what?

“I mean, he just said that… “call it a date, if you may”.”

The pink hue on your cheek is faint, but in Hyunjin’s mind they were exaggerated blooms of red brought upon you by a boy who was not him, and so was the small smile you tried to hide by clearing your throat and biting down on your lower lip.

Oh god, he was already starting to hate this so much, how would he stand it if you two started dating? Would he be the third wheel? Was he always going to be stuck watching you from the sideline as his flowery version of your very platonic friendship came crumbling down in wilting petals on a dead road? Would he have to finally give up on his unrequited feelings?

You know by now that Hyunjin goes uncharacteristically quiet when he tends to overthink, as his customary habit of biting on his plump lips (it’s important you mention plump, because that’s what makes it so hard to ignore — you swear people find it hot when he does that, but in actuality, he’s trying to choose between chocolate and strawberry milk.)

But Hyunjin is not trying to be hot right now, he doesn’t have to try to be fair, but he’s genuinely worried about something he knows he shouldn’t be. There were other important matters like his failing grades, the vase he broke three days ago and tried to hide until his mom found out this morning when he was leaving for school (he was sure to get a beating over that this evening) and prom.

Oh god, he was going to ask you out for prom, but he probably can’t anymore. Because you had yourself Jeno who was going to do that and you were going to dance with him and laugh at his stupid jokes even and blush at him through the entire evening.

And what was Hyunjin going to do? Stand in one corner of the room, sulking and frowning at being forgotten by his best friend, and spending the one thing he had been looking forward to since high school, just because some stupidly handsome guy whose smile made him look like an innocent puppy and had most of the girls in his year crush on him had asked you out on a stupid, stupid date... god he wished your date would be bad, and you would dump a smoothie on him—

“Hyunjin?”

Your third call is when he finally jolts out of his reverie, looking at you as if he were constipated.

“It's just a meal, I don’t even consider it a date, okay?”

Somehow, those words are successful in easing the tension in his body, an affirmation that he was urgently looking for somewhere at the back of his head that had been clouded by his judgement and over the top thoughts.

You’re not sure why you find the need to mollify Hyunjin in the first place. Because as oblivious as you tried to be of the gray area you and Hyunjin were dabbling in since…forever, did not obligate you into providing a sense of security to him. The only confession you remember receiving from him was when you were six and someone had squashed the flower he had given you with shaking hands and a trembling voice.

Perhaps you were hopeful of great things, but you would never admit it.

v. 

It wasn’t a date, that’s what you had said.

So in Hyunin’s mind, those words had molded themselves in the form of a solid piece of metal with engravings on it that clearly stated, “It’s not a date, so there’s no reason for them to continue meeting up with each other after this.”

What he did not expect was for Jeno to be standing over your desk, minutes after the bell for lunch went off and laughing with you on whatever Hyunjin had missed.

Hyunjin had not seen you on the night of your… outing, with Lee Jeno, when you called him unexpectedly and rather tiredly said that you were going to bed early so you could complete your assignments early in the morning. While this was normal for you, and Hyunjin was used to your eccentricity, he was a little disappointed because he looked forward to hearing about your date... uh, outing (although he had accepted your reasoning the previous night, a part if him had hoped and even dreamt of you dumping a smoothie on Jeno’s head).

“So, how did it go?” was the first thing he asked you the next morning. Unlike you, he had the whole night to lay awake in bed, tossing and turning over the possibility that you had assured him had negligible chances of being true, but which in his over-wired mind had a fifty-fifty chance of being plausible.

He knew about Jeno’s charms, and he knew you were all for it.

Regardless, your small disruption in the library had been to glance at the said boy many times just because of the ruckus the other girls would make, all whispering and stuff, Hyunjin had noticed you exchange a smile or two with him sometimes.

Jeno had a nice personality, a cute smile and even cuter eyes that would disappear into crescents when he would smile. He had a soft voice, a gentle way of talking to people no matter how rude they were, and the only person who could tolerate Haechan.

If you think Hyunjin doesn’t know those were the very characteristics of your ideal type you had based your fictional oc upon (he caught you writing on one of those fanfic sites in middle school), then you would be wrong.

He never held this information as a leverage against you, but he was seriously contemplating doing so now.

It was relatively easy to feign his restless night had been devoted to only worrying about the occurrence of a potential smoothie dump, but it was difficult to ignore the answers he had unintentionally stumbled upon torturing himself with a rapid fire round of questions.

“It was fine, we just had some food and chatted.”

“Talked about what?” Hyunjin hoped his paranoia wasn’t showing.

“Oh just this and that, college plans, Ms. Oh’s stupidly difficult quizzes... you know, just casual stuff.”

You believed that your shrug and nonchalance were enough to convince Hyunjin that you didn’t consider last evening to be a date, and even if you did, you were sure as hell not going on another one. It was just friendly hanging out, just like you and Hyunjin… just like you and Hyunjin.

But why is it that he walks in on Jeno offering you to sit with him for lunch?

“Oh, that’s alright,” you smile up at him, “I’m gonna sit with Hyunjin.”

You point your chin to where he was standing, making Jeno turn around to glance at him and smile.

“That’s fine, enjoy your lunch.”

Jeno smiled and left, not sounding one bit upset for turning down his offer. See, that’s how Jeno was, kind and gentle and understanding. Hyunjin wishes he was a bit of a jerk so he could dislike him without feeling guilty about it.

“How was your quiz?” he pulls up a chair in front of your desk, plopping down on it and resting his elbows on your table.

You groan and bury your head in your arms, grabbing your hair with your fingers and pulling them slightly.

“Ugh, I forgot to write down the units.”

Hyunjin sympathises with your wailing, patting your head and smoothening your hair comfortingly. Everybody knew how Ms. Oh was absolutely anal about writing units; she would go as far as deducting a whole mark off five points if you forgot to write it or wrote the wrong one.

You poke your head out from between your elbows, peering up at him with pleading eyes. It takes a lot for Hyunjin to restrain himself from kissing you on the lips right then and there. He settles with pinching and squishing your cheeks, your face resembling a blowfish which makes him laugh.

“Stop it,” you whine at him, turning your face away to grieve in the passing away of your perfect A grade you had taken so much caution and meticulous efforts to maintain. Hyunjin isn’t sure why you’re this upset; sure you’re as anal as Ms. Oh about here units as you were for maintaining an above average report card, but surely this was you stressing too much?

“I think I messed up my last two questions,” you mumble so silently, he has to strain his ears to catch your words.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” he says softly, changing tact now that he realised you were genuinely upset.

“It is,” you wail again, drawing out the last syllable and glaring at Hyunjin. The glare turns to confusion and if he was seeing quite correctly, he thinks you may have started crying had you not blinked your tears back at the sight of his alarmed face.

This was all his fault. If your overall dropped because of a B on a subject you had slaved on for ages, you were so gonna blame him your entire life.

“Hey, I don’t know what’s going on but you can talk to me okay?”

His gentle voice breaks your frustrated streak and you instantly feel the tears at the back of your eyes trying to push past the barrier you were holding up. You bury your head deeper into your arms, nose touching the wooden surface of the table and feel the first tear roll down your cheek and fall on your palm. This was a dreadful position to be in while you cried, because now you wanted to sniff but you couldn’t because Hyunjin was sitting right there and you couldn’t let him hear you.

You nod your head, biting on your lips to stop the whimper threatening to come out of your mouth.

There’s a few times you have cried, not finding it in yourself to be fond of the action altogether. And in those times, you’d give yourself exactly five minutes, a little more sometimes to cry your tears out and then stop, wiping your cheeks and washing your face and fanning the redness off from your eyes till you deemed it satisfactory enough to be able to walk out of your bathroom without raising any concerns. You usually have a penchant for reserving this between the walls of your bathroom, but never your bedroom because anybody could walk in at any time and you don't want that, save for the singular occurrence in Hyunjin’s room back in middle school.

You were still learning the art of hiding your tears from people because a) you didn’t want them to worry about you, the attention was nothing but embarrassing to endure and b) because some people just never cared for them, and you couldn’t blame them for this.

You were sure you remembered why you had cried on Hyunjin’s bed that day, but you think it must have been something silly because you had forgotten now.

With a long sniff, you sit up, rubbing your cheeks with the sleeves of your shirt which get stained and face Hyunjin who was now looking at you flabbergasted.

And inaudible gasp makes his jaw drop at how silently you had relieved yourself in such a short span of time without letting it on and he felt terrible about it.

“Did you just cry? Without making a sound?”

You sniff again, unsurprised at why Hyunjin felt so deceived with the notion that you could do it while he was sitting right there in front of you.

“I’m fine now,” your voice is a little heavy, making you clear your throat, “is my face too red?”

“Okay what’s going on?” Hyunjin completely ignores your question, sitting up straight on his chair and fixing you with a look that was partly confused, surprised and concerned.

You shake your head with a wry smile, fanning your eyes as best as you could before lunch got over and the students came back, for it was just the two of you in the class right now.

“Sorry, I'm just a little stressed with the finals coming up and you know, I really don’t want to risk making such silly mistakes now.”

You hope your lie is passable to cross his radar of lie detection which he was surprisingly good at when it came to you. Maybe it was good enough, or maybe it was because you had just cried, your eyes red and nose flushed, but Hyunjin doesn’t say anything, meaning he bought it… for now or whatever.

It was convenient for you that the bell rang and a few students already trickled in, the ones who always started back for their classrooms two minutes before lunch was over so they could make it just in time and not have to get squished in a horde of scurrying students.

Hyunin can’t do much but push the chair back and stand up, pulling your head to his stomach and hugging you with another pat on your head.

“You can talk to me about this whenever you want, just don’t let it get to you, okay?”

You smile and nod up at him, and again Hyunjin is inclined to reach out and stroke your cheek and tuck the lock of hair behind your ear and gently kiss the sad smile away from your sad lips; and again he settles with a soft pinch on your cheek which was gentler than he had ever been with you and it almost throws you into another spiral of emotions.

This time though, your heart beats too loud for your own liking and you wish Hyunjin would stop.

vii.

“We need to talk,” you state, walking right up to the sweaty boy who looked surprised that you were there.

“Hey (y/n), everything okay?” Jeno asks, tucking the basketball under his arm and waving at the other members of the basketball team to go ahead without him. A few of them snicker and hoot, but he just sighs.

“It's about Hyunjin and… what you said the other day.”

Jeno tilts his head in confusion, brows furrowing cutely in a mock frown, “about what?”

You inhale deeply, feeling the air filling up your chest as you tuck a piece of hair behind your ear that didn’t need to be tucked back in the first place., seemingly unaware of the smile that Jeno was trying to hide.

“I think I like Hyunjin.”

“You think you like Hyunjin?” Jeno’s eyes crinkle up when he laughs in his sweet way, but the humor was lost on you when his chuckle sounded like he was ridiculing you.

“Are you laughing at me?” your disbelief stems from his gleeful expression which makes an inexplicable exasperation bubble in the pit of your stomach.

“And are you kidding?” he scoffs in good humor, “You more than like him, and I can’t believe I had to say it out loud for you to realise.”

“It’s not that! I’ve always liked him, but it’s just… I can’t possibly see us anywhere but the gray area we’ve been in for so long.”

“Because you’re already past the stage where romantic gestures like holding hands and sleeping on the same bed are considered platonic and now you’re not sure if what you’re feeling is an intense desire to kiss him or punch him in the face?”

You blush under the presumptive assertion that is an exact word to word report of what you have been feeling for so long. To make matters worse, the definitive judgement of his observation - of a third person’s observation - makes your heart drop, gulping at how obvious you would have had to be for him to notice.

“We haven’t slept on the same bed!” you cry in exasperation, cheeks flaming with every word you were near about forcing yourself to say. It’s true, the most you two had done was lay beside each other during lazy summer breaks and cuddled on the couch, but contrary to popular platonic culture, you had never found yourself in said predicament. The thought makes your chest leap out of your throat and you have to gulp to force it down.

“That’s not the point, the point is that you’re too afraid to own up to your feelings.” Jeno states as a matter-of-fact, “Who knows, he may actually like you.”

The way Jeno says it comes out as an equivalent as “two plus two equals four”; you can shrug off it’s opposing arguments because you know it’s true and factual.

“You don’t know that!”

Oh Jeno knows, and only too well. The supposed date that he had with you, one would have expected that you would have talked about yourself, but all you wanted to talk about was Hyunjin. What he likes, what he dislikes, his little quirks, his stupidly gleeful laugh that is infectious … all him, and all for him.

And you know this too.

You know Hyunjin likes you — has since forever. From the first day of kindergarten when his clumsy limbs had bumped into yours and toppled you both across the floor, and even though the cut on his knee was bleeding, he still kept apologising for the bruise on your elbow because you were crying so loudly. He wasn’t scared of being scolded, but genuinely scared that you were perhaps going to die given the way you were wailing about it.

When you were the clumsy one and tripped over your own foot in the playground, scraping your knees but this time just sniffling at the slight sting due to your injury, he had brushed off the dust from your clothes and led you to the nurse by your hand. Hyunjin doesn’t remember that he had in fact held your hand at the age of seven. He was so concerned about the tiny scratch across your knee, he hadn’t even noticed. If he knew, he probably would have been exhilarated.

When every single memorable moment of your life you’ve had him right beside your side, ready to share the happiness and the pain with you as long as you could be together. At one point just thinking about it had made you so feverishly happy, you had cried a small tear of gratitude that you had such an amazing person as your best friend who you were in love with.

But…

“What if he doesn’t like me?”

This question is something you had been hoping you would be able to answer for yourself, but in all these years you’ve never been able to discern between the love he shows you on the surface level and the one he stores safely in his heart that is only visible like a little twinkle in his eyes on the subway or the crowded streets of your favorite night market where it’s easy to blend in with the people, and your feelings are too entangled to tell apart. If it’s anything even close to what you feel for him, you have every valid reason to lose your sleep over it and mess up your math quiz that you studied hard for.

And you’re hoping Jeno can answer this, because you sure couldn’t do it yourself.

“And what makes you think that?” he asks, eyes softening at your dubious self. Your silence is not your inability to put your doubts in words, it’s the fear of saying something you might not like and may be true.

“You wouldn’t know unless you try (y/n),” Jeno’s soft voice breaks your silence, the empty court making his word sound louder than intended as the sun outside flushes it’s last rays.

vii.

Winter had finally set in.

The brown carpets of dead leaves were being swiped away and the branches of the trees were already naked. A slight nip in the wind was a signal to wrap scarves around your neck on the way to school.

And it was Christmas season.

December had started fairly well for you, for you had successfully been able to avoid your blooming feelings. You had hoped that the start of winter would be metaphorical to your feelings, cooling down, losing their sizzling fire, but if anything they were only amplified. You believe it's because of the common notion you’ve always had about winters being the most romantic season.

You had done a fair job in holding back on your feelings and a potential confession, but in actuality, being busy with your finals and college enrollment exams had made it easier for you to push those thoughts back at the back of your mind. Moreover Hyunjin had not questioned the way you had been avoiding his company, because it was normal for you to do so in exam season.

This, albeit making you feel guilty, worked in your favor because now was probably not a good time for misunderstandings. Not when in a few months you would be stepping out of the shielded walls of your school. The dread of losing friends and being hurled head first into the world of adulting had nothing on the dread of being separated from Hyunjin though.

Admittedly, you were excited for what was to come but at the same time it was the knowledge that eventually you would have to walk a path without him was scary. No matter where you went, you always had him by your side; on wide roads you would skip along the emptiness holding each other’s hands and on narrower ones you both squeezed yourselves, shoulders touching each others’ and laughing.

Now you only see a big, wide concrete path and no Hyunjin in sight and a looming uncertainty of whether he would ever be by your side again.

Perhaps the reason you had found yourself reluctant to confess even months after you admitted it to yourself was because you had inherently been too late to it. Had you done this earlier, hell even the starting of high school, you wouldn’t have been regretting it so much now.

It wasn’t whether Hyunjin loves you now, it was whether he would still love you even though he knew your time being inseparable had come to an end. Maybe that was why you never could find an answer in the first place, because you were reading the wrong question.

The start of Christmas break had slowly eased you in this tub of anxiety, where you found yourself flipping through years worth of memories captured in the cellophane pockets of albums.

Hyunjin would leave, and you knew he would.

He was hard-working and devoted to his passion, which he had come to hone in the past few years and there was no stopping him back, not even the assumed love he had for you. Hyunjin had to leave, no matter how much he loved you because that’s how things were and it didn’t need an explanation.

And it was you having to walk alone on a new path without him that scared you into clamming up your mouth.

“You wouldn’t know unless you try…”

Jeno’s words were like a stab to the heart, the bittersweet taste it left in its wake swirling and filling you up.

With the final steps over and a farewell to one chapter of your life, you had no reason to turn down Hyunjin’s incessant invitations to his house or blatantly refusing his video calls because believe it or not, you caught yourself in the mirror one day, and even you couldn’t deny the unmistakable worry etched upon your face.

But when Hyunjin invited you to an evening out to the old market street, you couldn’t push him away anymore. Reluctantly agreeing to accompany him for Christmas shopping, you forced a painful smile upon your face to his excited chattering.

That is how you find yourself wrapped in your thickest scarf and blowing puffs of cloud in the air on the middle of the old market street.

It was forever unchanging. No matter what season it was, the street was packed with people walking even closer to each than than before due to the biting cold; the red lamps strung up high and glowing like soft bright beacons through the fog, the steam of dumplings in a pan of oil and the sweet savory scent of honeyed pastries floating in the air.

Hyunjin was bent over a box of pretty bracelets and hair clips that he was thinking of buying for his cousins, the paper bag containing a small bottle of scent for his mother, tucked under his arm as he sorted through the colourful beaded accessories.

Hyunjin’s near cousins always visited them during Christmas, a tradition they had followed since childhood so that now even you referred to them as your sisters.

Deciding that he’d rather get them the silver lockets with cute charms hanging from them, he places the smaller paper bag inside the one with the perfume, storing it together in the inner breast pocket of his coat.

Immediately his hand reaches out for yours and curls his fingers around your cold ones, pulling you closer in doing so and you think you might as well combust right then and there. The feeling is nothing foreign and yet it makes you hold your breath.

“Have you bought my gift yet?” he asks happily, slowly ambling towards an unknown destination as the crowd let you both be engulfed in it’s wavelike motion.

Oh shit.

Of course you forgot. What with wallowing in self pity, you had forgotten to buy him a gift and there were only two days left until Christmas. Even if you scrounge the net in search of something to buy him, it wouldn't arrive until after Christmas was over. How could you have been so dumb?

“Uh…yeah,” you gulp, relieved that Hyunjin isn’t paying attention to you anymore, instead attracted to a stall with bright lights like a moth. You let him pull you towards it, stopping with an inaudible gasp of surprise in front of the stall.

Strings of small fairy lights hung from the canvas ceiling, swaying whenever someone took them in their hands for examination, or simply ran their fingers along them. You could see more such lights at the back, small dangling lanterns like a mobile over a child’s cot, strings of crystal like beads that cast streaks of small rainbows when they caught the light.

You both stare at the mesmerising curtain of lights, eyes slowly travelling from the different hues and colours, some blinking slowly and some dangling in the wind like small fireflies.

“It’s beautiful,” Hyunjin murmurs, squeezing your hand gently.

You turn to face him, his face blushing under the glow of warm colours, the rainbows playing a game of chase on his face that god seemed to have taken extra efforts carving out.

In that moment you feel a part of you slip away and land gently in front of the entrance to his heart, and you hope your gentle knocking is loud enough for him to open it for you. You desperately want a small piece of you to be a part of him, in whatever form he accepted it as, because your heart was filled to the brim with the love you had for him already.

Hyunjin senses your gaze on him and slowly brings his eyes to meet yours under the canopy of yellow stars and orange fireflies. For a moment his gaze flickers to your lips and you can feel yourself being pulled towards him, inch by inch, one small movement at a time like you would approach a kitten - cautious and gently to not scare it away.

The moment though is not meant to happen.

You understand, it's a busy street, probably not ideal for you to be kissing in the middle of it (if that was indeed what was intended to happen) and so with blushing cheeks you both step apart, the awkwardness easy to hide in the loud bustling of people around you.

The warmth of the closeness you had a few seconds prior an embarrassing wall of ice between you that burns you. It makes the back of your eyes prick with tears that can’t be explained, the disappointment of your rude awakening serving as a reminder that this was probably for the best.

You don’t hold hands the entire evening after that.

viii. 

When on the night of Christmas eve, you are not bombarded with the customary Christmas memes and silly selfies with rudolph and santa filters, a part of you breaks. In fact you’re not met with a single notification from him.

What breaks you more is the emptiness in your chest and coldness in your fingers.

With nothing to do the entire day, because you had already stress-decorated the Christmas tree and had been shooed away by your mom when you almost burnt the Christmas chicken, you had resigned to cleaning your room.

Getting rid of the sheer amount of useless things you had collected felt like a therapeutic decluttering of your mind of equally unavailing thoughts. The room was strewn with all kinds of oddities. It was all in fair will when you stumbled upon a tin box that you didn’t remember owning.

With fumbling hands you managed to yield it open after some struggle and the first thing you saw was a familiar flower, dried and encased inside a transparent sheet. You were trying to forget, not be reminded of the things you were supposed to let go.

Now that you were holding it in your hands for the first time after twelve years of being stacked away under the mess that your cupboard was, it felt like an ancient wonder. The history attached to it came rushing back to you and you sighed at the sight of the dead petals; brown and crusty and on the verge of being crushed to smithereens if you took it out of its protection.

You don’t even remember saving this, only the agony of letting it get crumpled under someone's weight and the subsequent tears. Had you really intended on protecting it since the beginning? Had the six year old you invariably decided to protect Hyunjin’s heart?

With a trembling sigh you let the flower fall into your lap, and instead you rip off the blanket of safety you had covered yourself with, letting the tears that were long overdue finally escape.

You wish the eighteen year old you had been as brave to protect Hyunjin’s heart.

There’s a lot of things Hyunjin wasn’t expecting for Christmas.

For one, he didn’t think his father would gift him the old battered up car that he had been so insistent on driving just so he could take you out on rides and boast about owning a car. It wasn’t a brand new gift, but Hyunjin was more than happy to receive it. At least, he’s sure he would be as soon as the dismay at the pit of his stomach died down. That’s what he convinced himself.

Secondly he didn't think it was possible that he could spend an entire day without texting or calling you even once. The radio silence on your end made him apprehensive, because he knew that you knew what the night at the market had meant, and what it could have possibly ended in.

Thirdly, he never thought that Christmas could ever feel so lonely even with all the people around him, laughing cheerfully and chattering merrily. Christmas had never ever felt so depressing, and he had never hated this festival more than he did now.

Fourthly, he never thought that being in the same room with you could make him feel nervous to the point that it made it impossible for him to even spare you a proper glance.

You had dreaded going over to the Hwang’s for Christmas too, and had almost contemplated feigning a cold. But that would have been a very petty thing to do, and another thing to put down in your list of regret.

Thankfully no one had questioned the way you both had mostly resigned yourselves to the opposite corners of the room and not interacted except the one time you found yourself reaching out for the bowl of chips, but before Hyunjin could confront you, you had already hurried off to god knows where.

You were avoiding him, and although he took the hint he wanted nothing more than to speak to you; hear your voice and hold your hand and look you in the eyes rather than stealing glances at you across his cup of hot chocolate and kiss you… god he wanted to turn back time so badly.

It wasn’t until the late hours of the evening, when everyone had assembled in the living room, forming small groups and chatting softly into the night that he missed your presence.

He spotted your figure quietly slipping out into his backyard, away from the eyes of people, following you not long after.

“Hey you,” he says softly into the night, shivering at the wind nipping at his cheeks.

“Hey,” you greeted back simply, lifting your eyes only long enough to capture his face.

The silence that falls is hostile, no longer carrying the sense of comfort with it; an exceptional occurrence that pains you both.

“Merry Christmas,” he says, holding out a red and white paper bag towards you and forcing a smile on his lips.

You take the bag from his hands, casting him an anxious look that he notices and tries to soothe with a soft smile.

“Thank you.”

“Aren’t you going to open it?” 

“I... should I do it now?”

He nods at you comfortingly, and motions for you to go ahead. You think fate is playing a bad joke on you.

You recognise the small orange balls of light before you even finish unwrapping the present, a painful reminder of last night. It chokes you up and makes your hands tremble. You don’t know what to say, or where to look. 

Hyunjin thinks he’s being cruel, he definitely feels his chest rip apart, but then he sees you smiling. Before he knows it, you have your arms around him in the tightest hug you could muster.

He stumbles back when you fling yourself at him, but finds himself letting out a breath of relieved laughter and hugs you back, holding you closer than he has ever before. He wishes he can capture this moment to relive it countless times; to feel your lips brushing against his neck, the whiff of citrus scent of your shampoo and the feeling of your chest pressed against his.

“I have something for you too,” you say, breaking the hug and Hyunjin almost frowns at the absence of your warmth against him.

Slowly, you pull out the small rectangular box in your pocket you had been clutching the entire night and hand it out to him.

“Merry Christmas Hyunjin,” you smile just as he opens the box and a flash of recognition passes across his face.

For a moment Hyunjon can do nothing but stare at the box in his hand, delicately picking up the contents within it. Then without a word he leans over and places his lips over yours

Kissing you was nothing like he had imagined it would have been — the sweet, pure symphony of lips, moving softly against each other’s in a confession of innocent love — it was more than that; a longing passion that burned when your lips met and your cold fingers at the back of his neck. It was aggressive and messy, a twelve year long wait coming to an end and the desperate urgency to get your feelings across to each other and feel the warmth of your lips in the biting cold. 

Under the clear sky that was ironically bereft of any stars as he had expected it to be when he had imagined kissing you under a canopy of stars, you don’t feel the need to put your feelings into words, you already know and he knows too.

Hyunjin doesn’t think he’s ever received a better present in his life and grins down at the delicate flower sitting inside the box you had given him, wrapped carefully in a transparent sheet.

[glacierruler]

What's Fig's workshop like?? The little glimpse we got in Chapter 1 made me interested to see more. Is it in some existing structure, or did they literally make it themselves? Room to work with or a claustrophobic mess? Any fun decorations?

Making the Future is my own original story that you can find the link to here!

Okay, so it's something they kind of built themselves? Sort of? More like (amateur) repair work on a wooden building that they found in the middle of the woods. It's a little drafty, and they always have to rush to put some sort of water protection over it when it's rainy. But it's cozy. If you don't mind tripping over random metal and wood and wires anyways. There are two hand crafted work benches, but those are usually cluttered (I love Fig so much, but if I'm being honest, they're messier than me!)

Cool decorations wise, there's different lamps that they've made messing around with things. Also they have strung up fairy lights that they purchased, although they don't work too well (Fig messed with the wiring). There are a few unfinished devices that are being kept on the back burner for a little while.

Also there's like, no outlets in this wooden shack, as most places don't have outlets, so most of the electric stuff is powered with magic. Kind of like the communication Device that they and Jarolend have. Of course different electronic devices need different amounts of magic to power them, but all the ones that Fig is actively working on only take a little bit of magic to power them for a while.

It's also good to note that there are scorch marks everywhere. From small explosions to the time they tried (and failed) to make a functioning fire weapon.

I'm afraid that's all that I can say about their workshop for now, as anything more would be spoilers for chapter 2

Chapter 2 comes out June 15th 2024! If you'd like it earlier, consider donating to my kofi! Every $30 is one early chapter! As of writing this post, only $10 more is needed for an early chapter!

[stitchlingbelle]

Watching Halo, Episode 8

(From what I’ve picked up, this is the episode with the controversial sex scene in it, so… yeah. Let’s see how that goes.)

We open with John and Makee both staring into mirrors and either temporarily revisiting the ringworld vision or just remembering it, but their focus seems to be more on each other than the untold mysteries of an alien ringworld revealed to them by ancient mystical technology. Priorities! And then they go on a field trip.

Halsey, Adun her creepy assistant, and Cortana are discussing John and Makee and the whole situation while watching them. Parangosky and Keyes are also watching them, because again, authoritarian surveillance state. Although, I do have to give the actually-authorized people here a break; Makee is still being held under some pretext or other, and in fairness, she actually IS up to no good. But since Parangosky doesn’t know that, it’s a little appalling that she’s so eager for Master Chief to beat the shit out of what could be an innocent civilian. (And we, and John, know that there are in fact actual Covenant escapees, since we met Reth back on Rubble.)

YAY for another civilization worldbuilding scene! Parks! Food trucks! Pastels! The future is great! (What is with all the anoraks people wear in this show?) Happy children give Makee hope that maybe the book she and her childhood friend rescued from the trash might have been on to something. Maybe humans don’t suck, just the ones from Recycle Hell Planet. She mentions the book to John. They take refuge by some pretty, flowery trees and discuss the Halo and whether humanity’s worth saving. “Cleansed” she says fanatically, that’s what will become of humanity if the others ascend. (John, alongside your defense of humanity, you might have questioned whether people dead-set on committing genocide are worthy themselves… It’s not like she doesn’t know what the Covenant does, she just has protagonist-centered morality, here.) When Master Chief gets called away for a moment, Makee gets frightened by a dog, which I can’t help but think is supposed to be a parallel with John’s loving memories of his childhood dog. It’ll take more than one day in the park to rid Makee of her kneejerk assumptions…

Speaking of the Covenant’s genocidal tendencies, a colony world has just been attacked—glassed, a term I’ve heard and imagined to be a bit more literal (anybody else read the Axiom books by Tim Pratt?)—in fact, a city of 11 million people has been melted into a roiling hellscape of lava. The voiceover of the reporter or officer, along with the reactions of the people in the command center, really sells it. Keyes and Parangosky argue over aid, with Keyes invoking the “Cole Protocol”. A recap I found online informs me that it’s meant to keep the Covenant from finding the other human planets (presumably by following the aid fleet home? Idk). I guess this means the Covenant is like humanity in its knowledge of the wider galaxy—no in-depth surveys, just telescope data beyond their own frontiers. Interesting. (I’ve got some thoughts about the respective tech levels here but I think I’ll hold it for the finale.)

Master Chief walks in and hears the tail end of the argument, that “we can’t sit here and wait for them to find us” and the conversation turns from aid to an offensive strike against the Covenant. He’s convinced Makee will help, which I have serious doubts about, especially this early in her deprogramming. (Again, 9-episode season!) But the whole debate does give him a chance to stand up for himself against two of the people he doesn’t realize are also responsible for the crimes against him. When Keyes growls, “People don’t just manually override decades of indoctrination,” John looks him dead in the eye and says, “I did.”

OH SNAP.

We get a look at how the other Spartans are doing. Riz and Vannak are examining some alien tech and debating Kai’s fitness for duty… and we slam right into Kai partying it up with a ton of normal soldiers, using her superstrength to lift incredibly heavy objects while they cheer wildly, rooting for her and placing bets. It’s an absolutely adorable scene of my exuberant girl getting joy out of her abilities, instead of the horrific purposes they were given to her for. It’s also a great scene of human connection, as Kai, so far the most outgoing Spartan, gets to be a part of the life of the base for the first time. (Master Chief might stay grim, the untouchable, perfect Spartan that all the grunts look up to, but I think Kai might become their beloved mascot. If the show lets her.) (God, I can’t wait to see what Riz and Vannak are like as people.)

Miranda’s back at her new lab, which apparently still doesn’t have the funding for chairs. Her dad, who she still believes in, drops by and it’s painful to watch her enthusiasm as she goes over her progress with the only person she looks up to who listens to her. It’s going to break her heart when she learns the truth, and on some level her dad knows that reckoning is coming. She’s clearly on the verge of figuring out Makee is the voice in her recording…

John goes to see Makee, dismissing her guards (not suspicious at all!), to give her a book. (He says it’s not the same one from her childhood, so maybe it’s the same author? Yes, this is a weird detail to care about.) For a second I couldn’t tell if the gesture was incredibly sweet or calculated to make her trust him/ humanity more, buuuut they almost immediately start making out, so calculated probably wasn’t it. I’ll be honest, as someone who is deeply religious both by upbringing and by choice, as well as being somewhat on the demi side of things, I am the wrong person to comment on whether this scene was too soon or earned or whatever. It would take two years and a ring to get me to this point, but some people have one-night stands! Maybe this is normal! I dunno. (I bet it was awkward as hell, though. Two virgins who probably never got sex ed? Yikes. This is Hollywood, though, so the implication is always that it was effortlessly great.) Aaaaand Cortana is watching/ experiencing/ monitoring vital signs intrusively? Yikes.

…and then he sleeps over? And this does not set off any alarms with anyone, including the guards? What about the shift change? Asking the real questions here, people! Makee has a moment of Decision, looking at him and her best chance to literally remove his head as she boasted. Instead, she gets up, and in the WORST SCENE EVER wrenches the hidden energy blade out from under her fingernail. Give the actress and the fx department Emmys, that looked SO. PAINFUL. (Girl, you could have left it in and just committed to not stabbing people!) And John slept through the whole thing. (?!) (...what about Cortana?)

Cortana and Halsey discuss the evening, and Cortana looks a lot more content with the situation than she did, uh, earlier. Halsey distinctly less so when Cortana comments that John’s not alone in the universe anymore. “He was never alone, he had me,” snaps the woman who abducted, tortured, and brainwashed him. “…Of course,” answers Cortana, who looks like she regrets her life choices even though she’s only like a week old.

Keyes drops by and treats us to a handy demonstration of him and Halsey as the toxic couple of the decade. He can’t break free of her emotionally, if only because then he’d have to face his guilt and culpability alone. So he’s pulling strings and probably fucking everyone else over to… what? What’s important about her ship, instead of the one Parangosky would no doubt put her on? (C’mon, Cortana, time to make a stand!)

Whatever her inevitable escape plans, for now, Halsey is ruining John’s attempts to bring Makee over by creepily contacting her on the sly and feeding her all that bs about humanity’s evil nature. (Including a disturbing line about her relationship with John being “wonderful to watch”.) (This right after claiming John doesn’t exist, only The Master Chief, a contradiction Makee doesn’t notice.) Makee is disturbed and pushes back to a limited extent, but it’s clear that another human validating her fears about humanity and then parroting the same line about the Halo’s power to help a species ascend “like gods” is hitting her where she lives. (She also doesn’t think to quiz Halsey on exactly why other humans can’t be trusted, but she can.)

Halsey then reflects on the “flaw” of humanity that is attachment. (What exactly does she think humanity is, then? If it's so awful, why is she working to save it?) Anyway, whether this is commentary on Keyes’ mistaken loyalty to her, viewing her own previous attachments as setbacks, the ease she’s had in manipulating Makee, the Spartans, and others, or just foreshadowing, it’s game time now.

She contacts the Spartans, invoking “Zed Protocol” and claiming the entire high command, including Master Chief, have been compromised by the alien artifact. She orders them to bring John, Makee, and the artifact to her, letting nothing stand in their way. No one asks the obvious question: if the artifact is compromising people, why the heck should they bring it CLOSER to someone so far unaffected? Isn’t it more likely the person asking them to break protocol for the artifact is being affected? Kai is the only one who doubts, and Halsey immediately has Riz and Vannak take her out. (Causing me to yell NOT MY BABY at the screen.)

Cortana asks what Halsey has planned for John. Turns out he’s disposable once they have Makee, and Halsey plans to let Cortana take over his body after all. (So much for John’s test. And for John’s specialness in Halsey’s eyes—if he was so unique, you wouldn’t want to overwrite him!) Cortana is Not Enthused, but Halsey doesn’t see that for as much of a danger sign as I do.

Everyone’s on their way to watch Makee use the artifact. Makee, deeply upset by Halsey, asks John what his plan for the artifact and the future are. The Master Chief, with no idea what the thing actually does AND being emotionally two weeks old AND raised to be mission-focused, has no answer beyond “kill the people who rescued you”. (Not even a “we’ll figure it out together”, John? Really?)

What follows, once everyone is in place, is a combination of action scene and classic tragedy of mistimed revelation—once Cortana makes her choice and alerts Master Chief to the ambush waiting for him, he sends Makee looking for safety. Instead, in the terrified moments when listening to her could have saved John a beating and changed Makee’s mind about humanity, Miranda discovers that Makee was behind the massacre of the Gladius. This ill-timed truth results in Makee being viciously tased as she was as a child, confirming all her fears…

Meanwhile, Master Chief out of armor is going hand-to-hand with Riz and Vannak, both suited up. Cortana’s assistance keeps them from wiping the floor with him. That, and the fact that his skull must be heavily reinforced, one punch from an armored Spartan should be more than enough to crush a human skull. And then MY GIRL KAI breaks out, orders Halsey’s ship detained, and joins the fight, resulting in a standoff…

…which is broken only by Makee reverting to her upbringing, lunging for the artifact and using it to get away. The shockwave smashes through the base. John flashes to the Halo dimension, where Makee just says goodbye and disappears. Well, crap.

[astroboots]

Ok but this is ‘Homecoming’ Santi and Frankie getting up to no good while Reader is away on a work trip. They send her daily selfies as a way to distract themselves while she’s gone because they miss her so much. Most of the pics are sweet and flat out silly but some are *cough* nsfw. 😏

Gaaah Ozzie!! I'm so so sorry for how long this has taken! Thank you for sending me this glorious photo and making my day! I love you honey!

HOMECOMING DRABBLE: SEND NUDES

Summary/Author's notes: Santiago and Frankie are left to their own devices when you're out of town and get up to some road shenanigans. This is surprisingly PG-13 guys. Also have not proofread and wrote this within half an hour, please forgive me for the atrocious typo, it is what it is with these drabbles.

Word Count: 1700

Homecoming Masterlist | General Masterlist | More Drabbles

You: There's a man here who's been picking his nose for half an hour straight. Like he's digging for gold in the yukon river.

Santi: Teacher's conference sounds riveting, promise you'll take me next year.

You: 😒har har

"That Boa?" Frankie asks from the driver's seat.

Santiago hums in affirmation as he types out another quip in reply to you, "she's having a ball there apparently."

There's a bright barking laughter in reply from Frankie, "so long as she doesn't kill anyone in murderous rage, I'd call that a win."

Pocketing the phone away, Santiago looks up to the sight of the Florida landscape whizzing by outside the car window. It's green trees and pink-blue skies as the sun is setting over the horizon. It's pretty damn breathtaking. Santiago grew up in Florida and spent the better half of the 18 years it took for him to qualify as a legal adult before he took the first flight out for the military, and despite this he never knew that Florida could look like this. Leave it to Frankie to find something beautiful and joyous in a trashcan state like Florida.

The window on the driver's side is wound down and the slow easy breeze is flowing into the car, rustling through Frankie's hair. It makes the hint of silver in his hair shine against the setting sun and before he knows it Santiago pulls up his phone again, framing the sight and memorializing the image to keep forever.

"What are you doing?" Frankie asks. There's accusation in his tone as he quirks his eyebrow.

Way to ruin the romantic moment. Santiago doesn't know what he's ever done to earn such mistrust from the man for such an innocent, innocuous act like taking a simple photo of his own damn husband to be treated like it's plot of treason against the state.

"Don't get your panties in a twist Frank, I'm just taking a photo to send to the missus."

Santiago barely has time to send off the photo before his phone pings two seconds later to your enthusiastic approval.

You: GASP! 😍😍😍😍 more please!!!!

"She wants another picture," Santiago says, and Frankie frowns, the conflict plain on his face.

The man's always hated having his photos taken. He'll always be drawing down his cap, looking off into the far distance like he's been taken hostage and forced under gunthreat. Or he'll literally try to hide himself behind people as much as possible if it's a group photo. But the catch here is, Frankie can never say no to you. It's a Sophie's choice (Santiago thinks that's the appropriate expression, he never did see the movie. Two hours and a half is way too long).

"That's a no then?"

Santiago: Your husband is being a grump, no photos unfortunately.

You: What if I send a photo back? quid pro quo?

Santiago: I'm interested... Santiago: P.S. make it nude.

You: HOW?! I'm in a middle of a seminar with 200 other teachers?!

Santiago: 👍 you can do it. I have faith in you.

"Just one," Frankie's voice sound out, and Santiago's head shoots up in surprise.

"One?"

"Yes, one, just let me get some food in me first before you have your paparazzi shot."

Santiago grins, "deal."

There's a diner not ten minutes ahead, hidden and tucked away in the middle of nowhere, it's not even registered on Google as a business and Santiago has no idea where Frankie finds these places. They get the order to go, greasy food wrapped up in brown paper bags, and before the bags even make it to the counter and changes hands, Santiago can see the slick hot grease shine slick against the paper.

Then it's back in the car, into the thicket of a forest, the road is so small and cramped it looks like the branches are reaching out for the car. Santiago is pretty sure he's seen this scene play out in every horror movie introduction and he's just about to open his mouth and snark at Frankie asking, if the aim is to drive them to a famous murder spot of some serial killer, when the trees give. Suddenly it's bright, blue skies, and an even bluer lake ahead of them as Frankie stops the car.

It's a pretty idyllic dating spot... or make out spot.

Frankie shoves one of the takeout bags into Santi's arms, and residual heat and steam rises from it when he unwraps it. It should be a grease fest, instead it is the softest, most buttery, delicious thing that Santiago's ever had. The meat is juicy and with each bite, Santiago can't help but moan around it. "Fuck that's good."

Next to him, Frankie's grinning at him and Santiago realizes that Frankie's burger is untouched and Frankie's been observing him eat this whole time.

"What?"

"Nothing," Frankie answers, smile still wide as ever as he reaches over to unwrap his meal. "It's just been a good day with you today, that's all."

There's something under Santiago's skin that prickles with something close to restlessness, that familiar feeling of unease that comes with being observed and seen. Because if there's anyone who sees Santiago, for who he is and what he is, it's always been the man sitting right next to him. There would have been a time when that alone would have made Santiago open the passenger door and run to the hills.

It doesn't anymore.

"We should take that photo Boa asked for," Santiago says instead.

Frankie shakes his head, still chewing at his fries, and for once he's the one who is behaving like a sullen child. "Way to ruin a moment here, Pope."

"Oh come on," Santiago goads as he leans over, stretching out his phone far from his arm until Frankie is in view of the shot. There's still fries in his mouth, sticking out, and the man is clearly doing his best impression of a walrus.

But what the heck, you're bound to love that, so he clicks and with a fake shutter it immortalizes the moment.

"Did it turn out good?" Frankie asks.

Santiago hums in reply, sending the photo to you and smiles. It's a good fucking picture, Santiago thinks to himself as he presses the button to set it as the background of his lock screen.

There's a notification from his phone, and when Santiago scrolls down, his screen fills with the view of you. It's a selfie, taken in your hotel room, shirt pulled up just far enough that he can see the lace of your bra. Not quite a nude but fuck, it's not like his dick minds. It's twitching in his pants in appreciation, prepared to do a standing ovation.

Next to him, there's another ping, and Frankie is already pulling up his phone to check it, when his eyes widen to big saucers.

"What is it?" Santiago asks.

Frankie clutches the phone to his chest, hiding the screen from him. The man's whole reaction is odd to say the least, and it immediately has Santiago reaching over across the seat, for the phone "What are you--"

Before Santiago can even finish his question, Frankie's slaps down over Santiago's hand.

What. the. fuck, kind of reaction is that?!

Santiago stares at the man in silent shock. It takes him several moments to re-calibrate his brain, too stunned to even speak before sullen anger and indignation flickers bright in his chest and his brain comes back online.

"Frank, give me the fucking phone."

The demand is met by a grunt, that definitely does not stand for yes.

"Frank, I'm not fucking around, give it to me," Santiago repeats, but again, Frankie doesn't cooperate, instead he pockets the phone into the back pocket of his jeans.

It's the last straw, and Santiago plants a hand on the dashboard for leverage, as he climbs the cramped space of the passenger seat over to the driver's side that has Frankie screaming murder.

"Pope, get a hold of yourself."

But Santiago is already climbing over, head thumping against the low ceiling, as he straddles Frankie's weight and pins the man to his seat as he reaches for Frankie's back pocket. It doesn't matter that the man is putting up his arms and his best resistance.

Wrestling had never been Frankie's strong suit in training.

With a quick jab of his elbow into Frankie's rib, Frankie locks up, wind knocked out of him and he gives up as Santiago finds his goal. He wrenches the phone from Frankie and slides it open and---

Fucking hell.

You're naked. Kneeling and legs spread, while your one arm covers your breast, pushing them up seductively while you have an entirely too coy smile on your face.

He drags his eyes away from the screen to Frankie, who has the courtesy to look abashed. His cheeks are flushed pink, creeping up halfway to full tomato-red, already sporting a semi against Santiago ass, where Santiago's sitting on top of him.

Why do you always send Frankie the good ones.

Fine, two can play that game.

Leaning down, Santiago grabs the back of Frankie's neck, capturing the man's mouth with his. All he hear is an "oomph" as Frankie goes stiff in his arm, and then he melts in Santiago's arm, shoulders winding down and relaxing as he parts his mouth with a moan so that Santiago can lick into his mouth.

Frankie's hands reaches up, until he's fisting Santiago's curls in his large hand, dragging his closer, hips canting up, practically rutting himself against him, it's heat and pleasure sparkling up Santiago's entire spine and from the moans that Frankie's emitting, it must be the same for him.

Santiago pulls away, reaching for his phone again, with a self-satisfied smile. Frankie makes it too easy sometimes.

"Santiago, what are you--" Frankie manages with a breathless moan.

"I promised her a quid pro quo, and I think--" Santiago settles the phone on the dashboard, until it's level eye and presses the record button. Then he turns back towards Frankie, as he settles back into the man's lap, grinding down against the hardening bulge and he can't help but smile at the deep groan of response he gets. "A video is going to a much better gift to keep her company in that hotel room of hers."

The rest of the Drabbles | Got a request?

[demonologue]

I come bearing bloodweave

This fits the week 3 prompt: Sugar, but it doesn't fit Tavuary. Tav's just an observer here... I guess it could fit day 27 of the Faerunian 29 Days Writing Challenge: Choose any scene in the game and rewrite it with your headcanon (but that's going to be literally 99% of my fics)

Characters: Astarion, Tav, Gale, Lae'zel, Shadowheart

Pairings: part 1 of the set-up, really

Rating: G

A/N: Literally the first time I added Gale to my party, Astarion ran up and asked him this. It made me…very suspicious of his motives. I hadn’t really thought of Bloodweave before that. Some ships sail themselves... Blush

It had been less than a day since they’d found the wizard’s arm grasping for help through an arcane waypoint. Since then, Tav had been keeping quiet to let Gale show his personality and begin to get used to the group. 

But someone else in the party seemed eager for the wizard’s attention. And it was a surprise, as this certain someone had been acting as though he’d been doing them a great favor by joining the party at all, offering nothing but complaints and smart remarks at every turn. If Tav didn’t know better, he’d say Astarion was almost…giddy. Every few minutes, he would dance forward in the marching order to attempt to engage Gale in conversation. And perhaps to his credit, the wizard didn’t seem particularly interested.

But Astarion was tenacious. Tav watched as he tried yet again. “So, do you have loves waiting for you once this is all over?” 

Shadowheart made a face. “You mean just waiting, like a lovesick puppy? Short term amusements are much less hassle.” 

Tav nearly tripped and fell face-first into the dirt. He had not thought…well. Shadowheart was a grown woman. He just…didn’t think of her…as having those experiences. But, wait, there was something else. 

Why in the hells would Astarion ask such an intimate question of a complete stranger? Well, apart from the fact he was Astarion. But still. Why had he been acting so peculiar today? If Tav didn’t know better, he would say… “Wait, do you two know each other?” 

“We do not,” Gale said, clearly put off by the question, but doing his best to stay amicable. 

“What?” Astarion offered breathless laughter and clutched his pearls. “I don’t have to know a man to know of him. Wait.” He fixed Tav with his judgmental stare. “Do you mean you actually don’t know who this is?” 

Now Tav felt bad. Should he know who this man was? “I–’m, sorry, I–”

“Pay no attention to him,” the vampire cut him off, leaning close to Gale as if they were already fast friends. “I think he was literally raised by wolves.” 

“Nothing wrong with that,” Gale said, squashing Astarion’s attempt to bond with him as an elitist. “Some great figures in history were raised by wolves.”

“Well, tell us, shka’keth,” Lae’zel growled. “Since you seem so eager to do so.”

“Darlings, this is Gale Dekarios. The Gale of Waterdeep.” Astarion looked around as if that was supposed to mean something to the rest of them. Now Tav remembered Gale introducing himself that way. But at the time, he’d just assumed it was a standard style of introduction. The way a druid would mention his enclave. 

When no one showed recognition of Gale’s name, Astarion sighed and turned back to apologize to the wizard. “You’ll have to forgive them. I’m honestly not sure any of them can even read.” 

Lae’zel drew her longsword to give him a good thrashing, but Gale held up one hand for her to refrain and gently placed the other hand on Astarion’s shoulder to keep him from making things worse. “I think what this young man is hinting at–”

As Gale spoke, Tav kept his eyes on Astarion. Because he could have sworn there was suddenly more color in his cheeks than there had been a moment ago. 

“Young!?” Astarion protested, but he sounded quite flattered. And there was a definite living hue to his cheeks now.

“--is that I was once the subject of several dozen bardic tales, and the odd chapter of arcane lore, but I fear those days are long behind me now.” 

“Nonsense!” Astarion protested. “He’s one of the most famous wizards in the history of Faerun!” 

“He’s being kind,” Gale protested. 

“Kind!? How dare you accuse me of such a thing!” 

Tav couldn’t stifle a laugh. The vampire looked so genuinely offended. “Astarion aspires to be a great villain someday,” Tav explained. “So we try not to draw attention to it when he does something good.” 

Tav could tell from the look on Astarion’s face, he was about to tell him to go take a flying leap. Fortunately, Gale cut in before he could. “But a good villain has layers. A history of the man he was before he rose to villainy, what traumatic life events drove him to desperate ends. Not to mention there’s nothing like a little genuine kindness to throw a hero off your track.” His warm, amused smile put Tav at ease. It looked like they’d found their group dynamic with the new guy.

“Et tu, Gale?!” Astarion accused, hurt, and ran off to scout ahead–or perhaps hide his feelings. 

Tav and Shadowheart exchanged a look. “I’ve genuinely never seen him that way. He’s usually…just…”

“Summarily unpleasant,” Shadowheart finished. 

“A complete shka'keth,” Lae’zel agreed. 

“I think it’s charming,” Gale said, smiling pleasantly and leaning on his staff as they continued to walk down the path. “It’s usually only children who react to me that way.” 

“So you are famous,” Tav said. “I’m sorry for not recognizing your name.” 

“Honestly, I prefer it that way.” He was still smiling when his eyes met Tav’s gaze, but there was a sadness within. “Things being what they are now…I would rather be judged for the man I am, not the legend I used to be.” 

“I think I can do that,” Tav offered a hesitant smile. 

“I will judge you by your deeds, and your deeds only,” Lae’zel announced. 

“And I’m going to tease Astarion about this until he dies a second time,” Shadowheart said. 

“No, don’t,” Gale said. “Let’s leave him a little dignity, at least. We wouldn’t want to become part of his villain origin story, after all.” 

But Shadowheart seemed to have her own agenda. “Astarion!” she called, running ahead. “Gale is telling us all about his many lovers! Don’t you want to hear?” 

The wizard just chuckled and shook his head. 

“I fear I may already be part of his villain origin story,” Tav said with a grimace. 

“I think you’re a fine leader,” Gale said, smiling kindly. “You’re doing your best, and that may be all we can do at this point.” He walked on, and Tav caught Lae’zel’s eye. There seemed more to the wizard’s story. Hopefully they would find out what it was before it came back to bite them all in the arse.

[dirtdawgskenn]

Going to an Aquarium with the Phantom Troupe.

(This probably isn't that great but i thought the idea was funny.)

(THIS PHOTO AHAHGE)

-God knows how this idea even came up. 

-Maybe someone mentioned going, maybe Chrollo decided it was a way for the troupe to get closer, perhaps it was just a way to fill in the time. 

-Whatever reason it was, they ended up in a Aquarium. 

Chrollo:

-Carefully admiring the fish. Slowly walking up to each and every tank, taking it all in, but absolutely not for the reason you think.

-After awhile Chrollo goes up to an employee to ask about the prices on the sea horses. 

- “Prices? Oh no sir, none of the aquatic life in this building is up for sale. I would be happy to show you the way to the gift shop though.”

- He is so confused, Chrollo just doesn’t understand.

-Walks to the gift shop to see what types of fish are there.

-Instead of fish he finds tee-shirts, keychains, and stupid overpriced stuffed animals.

-Is this some type of joke?

-Walks up to a different employee and starts questioning them.

-Asks about every kind of fish he has the slightest interest in owning.  

- Probably will ask for the manager after the third worker he talks to explains they can’t sell him any of the fish. 

-Might sneak in later if he really wants some fish that badly.

Hisoka: 

-Hisoka didn’t want to go.

- At first, he followed Machi around, but got bored after being ignored for 5 minutes.

-Wandered around aimlessly until he saw a few little kids by themselves around the shark tank.

- Now he is standing around the shark tank, talking to unattended children.

-Most likely tells them that the employees feed the sharks children who get lost in the aquarium or all the misbehaved kids get thrown in with the sharks to be eaten alive, something like that.

- He does this for about 20 minutes before a employee overheard and had him sent to the mangers office.

-He wasn't banned but was given a warning before being escorted out. 

Shizuku:

-You wouldn't know it but she was one of the members who was actually excited to go.

-Doesn’t care for the birds, seals, and penguins too much.

-Instead she loves fish!

-She just really loves fish.. a little too much.

-Shizuku is the one pressed up against the glass creating a foggy mark.

-Standing in one spot for a long time blocking the view for everyone else. If someone asks her to move she will ignore them.

-Almost like a little kid. 

-Shizuku was so focused on watching the fish she barely made it half way through the first floor when everyone else was ready to leave.

-Super disappointed.

- Franklin offered to stay behind with her so she could see everything. 

Feitan: 

-Feitan wasn’t the slightest bit happy about this trip to the aquarium. 

-He thought they were dirty, boring, and he hated all the screaming children. 

-Tried to stay in the car, but Phinks influenced him to go in. 

-Looked at everything in the building quickly, then stood by the entrance ready to go wait inside the car.

-Just before he was about to leave he saw an tank with penguins.

-He stood at the railing that overlooked the tank and watched the penguins do literally nothing. They just stood around.

- Started throwing trash that was on the ground at the penguins.

-Phinks saw him and joined in shortly after. 

-Both of them laughed and called the penguins mean names all while throwing soda can after soda can.

-They both got kicked out, and were banned from the aquarium for life. 

Phinks: 

-He influenced Feitan to go inside since he didn’t want to go either. 

-As soon as he walked in Feitan went off by himself anyway.

- Phinks thought all the fish were lame. 

-He looked around the gift shop the made his way to the seals. Then found Feitan throwing trash at the penguins. 

-Phinks lifted the nearest trash can off the ground over to the penguin tank.

-Threw trash with Feitan until he saw a worker stomping over. 

-Before the employee got too close, he threw the entire trash can into the tank. 

(Smh..)

Pakunoda:

-Going the aquarium wouldn’t of been her first option, but she didn’t mind going along with everyone. 

- Had a great time actually.

- Sat in at the seal show, watched them do tricks for about an hour. 

-Bought some food with Franklin and bought something small at the gift shop.

-She bought a small keychain with a little seal on it!

-Spent the day by herself but she didn’t mind. 

-Once the troupe met up after, everyone made fun of her for buying the keychain. 

- Franklin

-Didn’t have an opinion about going. 

-Looked around at the tanks on the first floor.

-Got some food with Paku before heading to the second floor.

- He was starting to enjoy his time, peacefully watching the fish.

- He snapped out of his thoughts when he heard snickering and laughing.

-Turned his head a bit to see two teenage girls whispering to each other, snickering, and pointing at him. 

- His mood was ruined. 

-After that he didn’t want to be there anymore.

- He went back downstairs and stood with shizuku until everyone else was ready to leave. 

-Offered to stay behind for shizuku though. 

-Poor Franklin..

Uvogin:

-Uvogin and Nobunaga were both drunk out of their minds.

-Uvogin thought they were going on a mission until they were standing in line for tickets.

-Told Nobunaga to get him a ticket as he ran back to the car to grab the last few beers that were left.

-After going inside Nobunaga and Uvogin stumbled to each of the fish tanks.

-Both of them compared the fish to other things that were gross and mean, then laughed hysterically about it.

-Then at one point nobunaga went to the bathroom.

-Uvogin ‘accidentally’ smashed open the glass to one of the smaller enclosures with some type of sea bird in it.

-Uvo jumped up and down booming with laughter as the birds squawked and flew everywhere. 

-Nobunaga was quick to run over and drag Uvo out of the Aquarium before they got in trouble.

-Uvogin passed out in the car while waiting to leave. 

Nobunaga:

-Mentioned before, Uvogin and Nobunaga were very drunk. 

- Had a fun time with Uvogin before he needed to use the bathroom. I guess he drank a little too much.

- Once he walked in two employees on their lunch breaks, eyed him down.

-After doing his business, he walked over to wash his hands before being stopped by the two workers.

-Both employees demanded that he threw out the alcohol since it wasn’t allowed, and many people under the influence have caused damage in the past.

(Little did they know..)

-It was a half empty beer can, but that didn’t matter to Nobu.

-Nobunaga wasn’t having it. All three argued back and forth, until a huge shatter, screams, and other unrecognizable noises could be heard from outside the bathroom.

-Nobunaga knew damn well what it was. He dashed out into the hallway grabbed Uvo and ran out. 

-Scolded Uvogin once they made it inside the car, before he passed out.

-Watched the news about it later..

Shalnark:

-It was probably his idea to go the aquarium if anything.

-The whole car ride he looked up everything about the aquarium and kept talking about it until they got there.

-It pissed everyone off.

-He knew where everything was and was way too excited, he could barely wait.

-Shalnark did so much research he already knew where everything was and he decided to start with the dolphins. (His all time favorite animal.)

-Almost was skipping to the dolphin enclosure.

-He stopped right in front of the tank.

-He stared in for a moment then realized the tank was empty. Looked around the area frantically for a employee, and ran up to the first one he could spot.

-Apparently they were not in this aquarium right now and the employee didn’t know why either.

-Shalnark was almost in tears as he shouted at the employee about how they needed to update their website and the aquarium was spreading false information. 

-Two more workers came up and tried to calm him down.

-Everyone that walked by stared at the scene that Shalnark was causing.

-He sat down on one of the benches afterward and waited till it was time to leave. 

-On the car ride back he stared out the window and ignored everyone. 

Machi:

-Hisoka was pissing her off and ruining her time. 

-After he left she got a bit of peace from his teasing.

-Until she felt a tug on her sleeve, she was about to lash out on this clown.

-She whipped her head around to find a little boy staring up at her.

“I lost my mommy.. could you help me?” 

-She wasn't angry anymore, but still visibly annoyed.

-This isn’t the way she wanted to spend her day at the aquarium, but she couldn’t just leave the kid, right?

“Fine..” Machi huffed out.

-Machi tried to lead the kid up to the front desk, but it was extremely difficult when the kid was so focused on each enclosure and sign he came across.

-It was like the kid didn't care that he was lost at all.

-Once she got him to the front desk she planned to go back to the tank she left off at. 

-Until the little boy asked her to wait.

-For some reason, she did.

-Once the kid’s mom came to get him, Machi started to walk back to where she left off.

-Just then Chrollo told her it was time to leave.

-She was super angry.

(I HOPE ANYONE WHO READS THIS THE ENTIRE WAY LIKES IT)

Please give me requests for other things i could write about.

Thx <3

[adhd-merlin]

Merlin S1 rewatch: episode 4 🌼

4 episodes in, and our boys are already tripping all over themselves to die for each other. Insane.

I don't have many funny comments to make about this one. It's a solid episode.

Arthur is an incredibly brave and chivalrous knight, Merlin is an extremely powerful sorcerer, and Uther is an utter bastard. Characters effectively distilled to their essence.

random thoughts & comments

• For all that it's a silly family show, the sets and locations are so beautiful. Look at this!

• Nimueh is so gorgeous in her blue turban. I can't blame Merlin for the flirting.

• Her fake name is Cara (!). But spelled with a C. Caras/Karas are not to be trusted, I guess

• They were really going all in with the red & blue juxtaposition

• I love Arthur red studded jacket. Why did they deprive him of his fun little outfits in later seasons! He's even wearing jewellery!! Wtf is this necklace, btw

• Stupid question but how did Nimueh know Arthur would end up with the poisoned chalice?? She just put it in the box

• Well done Gaius for identifying the poison in 0.5 seconds. That's got to be some kind of record. Does he train for that? Does Camelot hold an annual speed poison-identification contest?

• Luckily Gaius’s book contains all the information needed to retrieve the flower required for the antidote – what it looks like, where to find it, what to expect when you get there. Top 10 restaurants in the area. It's all in there.

• I've missed Uther! He's a great character/antagonist. "I can't stand by and watch [Merlin] die." / "Then don't look." (!) Banger of a line. And Anthony is an amazing actor.

• After having watched the entire series, I feel like S1 Arthur comes across as more of a noble and good guy than in later seasons? I can't put my finger on why, exactly. Perhaps the way he stands up to Uther with no hesitation. I don’t know.

• I like that Arthur gets to defeat the Cockatrice all by himself. So often in the series it's just Merlin (literally) working his magic behind the scenes and Arthur taking all the credit, but in this episode he very much deserves to be called a hero.

• Speaking of which, the way Arthur just defeats that Cockatrice and then carries on like it was no big deal is kind of funny. (Like... he just threw a sword at it? And it died? Alright.)

• Nimueh is so bad at acting like an innocent damsel in distress. Definitely nothing at all sus about her situation. "Please help me, good sir! Why, yes, I do know where to find the flower you're after. Just follow me into this dark cave. No need to take your sword." Arthur are you dumb (don't answer that)

• Nimueh is like "it's not your destiny to die at my hand!" Mmkay if you know who's going to kill him what's this all for then 👀

• I LOVE Merlin guiding Arthur to safety with his magic. I've said it before but (ironically) there isn't enough magic in this series. I think this is perhaps the coolest act of magic we ever see Merlin perform. And even if the CGI is at times hilariously bad, this globe of light looks pretty cool. Quite powerful, both visually and symbolically (and also literally. Merlin’s not even conscious).

• Uther has done some truly fucked up things (both on screen and implied) but crushing the flower needed for the antidote is just so needlessly cruel that I still think of it as one of the worst things he's done.

• Gwen to the rescue <3 I know everyone goes on about how sweet and kind she is, but she can also be shrewd when the situation calls for it. She's good at thinking on her feet under pressure, and it's a trait that shows in other episodes.

• Arthur and Gwen cooperating to save Merlin – love to see it. (Arthur, that's your future wife! Look at him. He doesn't even know. He doesn’t know he'll turn into a complete simp for this woman.)

• Interesting that Gwen's first reaction to Gaius's "We might need to use magic to prepare the antidote" is "but we can't! it's forbidden!!" GIRL, THE BOY YOU FANCY YOURSELF IN LOVE WITH IS DYING. MAYBE CHILL. But I guess it says a lot about Uther's reign of terror that this was so unthinkable to her.

• If I remember right (and I might not), Gaius uses magic only 3 or 4 times in the entire series and always to save Merlin's life (or to save Alice, once). It's a fairly consistent trait throughout the series that he's actually quite reluctant to use magic (whether because he's vowed not to, or because it brings up unwanted memories. Or both). It's always a last resort. I know no one cares, I just find it interesting.

• GWEN AND MERLIN'S KISS! I wonder how Arthur would have reacted at finding out that Merlin kissed Gwen first. WE WERE DEPRIVED WE WERE ROBBED

• Why didn't Uther question the fact that Merlin survived?? First he's s all intent on letting him die to teach Arthur a lesson, then he goes "haha, well done son, you were right to defy me" (??) Did he find out about Gwen and Arthur’s subterfuge to get the flower to Gaius? He must have, I suppose, but he's remarkably chill about it (I'm surprised he didn't accuse Gaius of using sorcery to save Merlin)

• Something tells me we haven't seen the last of Nimueh yet. I don't know what. Just a feeling.

[olderthannetfic]

To the anon who responded to my speedrunning friends story:

"The fact that those very normal milestones made you uncomfortable sounds like a red flag about the other person and the dynamic of the friendship, not about the speed at which the friendship was progressing."

Oh I agree. My point was less that a friendship progressing fast is inherently worrisome, and more that if it's progressing fast, you should evaluate whether you're actually okay with the speed and this person and this case. It's easy to get caught up in the giddy feeling of really clicking with someone and ignore the ways you're letting them get overly familiar because you don't want to hurt their feelings by challenging them. (In this case, the discomfort was less over them wanting to send me something, and more on the sheer capslocked excitement that made it hard to say no, the fact that they asked me twice but didn't pick up on my reluctance the first time I failed to answer and only got MORE excited and capslocky the second time, and the fact that the "postcard" was actually a big envelope containing a postcard, a letter and a keychain, which they ended up paying over THIRTY BUCKS to send, and it all felt a bit lovebomby. But once again, I'm not blaming them for my bad communication. As I said in my original anon, this was a clear fuck-up on my end. I should have just said "No thanks, I'm good". The problem was that it literally felt like kicking a puppy at the time.)

Nor do I think age gap friendships inherently lend themselves to being overly parental, though with this person it absolutely felt like they were expecting me to be their parent or therapist or both. They hadn't moved out of home yet, had a strained relationship with their own parents, and it absolutely felt like they were pushing me to fulfill that need for them.

Also, I had to double-check, but the age difference was actually over 10 years - when we stopped talking, they'd just turned 17, and I would soon turn 29, and at that point we'd been friends about a year and a half. I was a bit taken aback when I found out how young they were (a couple of months into talking) because of how knowledgeable and skilled they were at so many things from art skills to political theory to various random niche things they've picked up like cryptography and lockpicking. So I mentally adjusted my attitude from "this is a peer" to "this is literally a fifteen-year-old, bear in mind what you say to them and how you say it" but I feel like I pivoted too hard into... what, babying them? Spoiling them? Overcompensating for our gap in age and life experience by feeling like it was primarily on me to manage disagreements or relationship dysfunction? I don't even know, but I still wonder how I could have resolved that better short of just not getting "talk every day"-levels of close to them to begin with. Which might have been better. Certainly for my mental health - their ever-increasing, insatiable demands on my time and attention came at a time when I was already struggling with heavy IRL demands and barely holding on as it was.

Oh, also. I had a barely-active RP blog of a character from our fandom. They made several RP blogs for the fandom, including one for that character's canonical love interest, and kept replying to my RP posts in shippy ways. On the one hand, I'm extremely glad I had the sense to not engage with that. (I'd only briefly resurrected that RP blog to begin with and dealing with this made me abandon that RP blog for good.) On the other hand, I'm once again kicking myself for not having a clear and solid "Hey, so you know we can't do a shippy RP, right?" conversation with them. Especially since months later they were guilt-tripping me with "I'm sad that you don't RP anymore :( " shit as part of their "venting".

Just, argh. I really didn't want to say anything to them that would assert my boundaries or challenge them until things boiled to a point where they couldn't continue, huh? It's so surreal to have been manipulated like that by someone TWELVE YEARS younger than me, and even now it feels vaguely scummy for me to accuse them of manipulation or hold them accountable, but this attitude is also exactly how I let things get so bad in the first place. The mentality of "I'm the adult (by quite a wide margin) so anything that goes wrong is on me" is extremely hard to shake, and I let it lead me into "they're a child so they can do no wrong"-style infantilizing. At the same time, I unquestionably helped this along by failing to say no clearly when I needed to. What's weird about it to me is that this has never happened to me before. If anything, I'm a pretty blunt person who prefers giving and receiving direct communication. I already had a very good idea of what different kinds of manipulation look like, from bitter experience. And later in the friendship, after things started spiraling into dysfunction and while trying to salvage it, I started being a lot more clear about things they said or did that I wasn't okay with. But by that point it was too late to put things back on track.

Sorry for the wall of text, this got longer than I meant it to and I'm sure the peanut gallery will have a field day with this pathetic attempt to summarize a year and a half's worth of dysfunctional friendship into a few salient paragraphs. I don't think I'll even dare looking at the notes on this one, because I feel like people will just tell me it's my fault and it's scummy of me to accuse a teenager of being manipulative when I was the one failing to set clear boundaries until it was too late. It took me two years to get over the sheer repressed and belated RAGE from the emotional abuse and how long I let it go on insufficiently challenged, I already spent too long feeling like this was all my fault. But maybe someone else will find this insightful or helpful.

And it was, 100%, emotional abuse by the end. I haven't gone much into it much because frankly even typing it up brings out that rage in me again, but picture your typical clingy-insecure abuser who accuses you of not caring about them because you were DMing in parallel with them and with someone else. Picture someone so afraid of change, and so entitled to a certain static version of you that lives in their head, that they will use words like "mourn" to describe their reaction to you making slightly less fanart for your shared interest than usual, or when you start engaging with your fandom more through streaming than through fanart. Picture someone who, when you ask them how their day went, responds with "Are you pretending to care?" Picture someone who, when told "You can't control your emotions but you can control how you act on them", responds with "I LITERALLY CAN'T", and fill in the blanks. And some hard-won advice: If someone responds to you that way, don't try to parent them, don't reassure them that you don't hate them, don't send them helpful links. Set. A goddamn. Boundary. And make it clear that you cannot and will not be friends with someone who claims not to be able to manage how they act on their emotions.

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