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#i like that she gets to be messy and flawed in it
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There's only one reason I didn't give up on my manuscript
For those of you that don't know, I recently finished Draft 13 of my manuscript which was a big one because unlike drafts 1-12, I didn't see a huge glaring problem with it.
Someone in my replies said once, "I keep editing until it 'works'..." and I was like, yes exactly that. I can't explain how I know that it isn't 'working' but I know, and I need to keep going until it does.
So long story short, Draft 13 was that draft--where things finally 'worked' and fit together and read like a story. It took 7 years, and it very nearly didn't happen at all.
Around Draft 4 or 5 I got frustrated with all the major problems I kept running into in each draft. I thought it would just never 'work', that the story I wanted to tell was impossible somehow (??) and I put it away for good. I tried writing something else but my confidence was so shot that I could barely get words on the page for fear of suffering another failed manuscript, and I basically stopped writing altogether for like two years.
I had always told my friends and family that they could read my story when it was finished, but because I had given up on it, it was about as finished as it would ever get, so I relented and sent it to my best friend.
And thank god I did.
She loved it. It was unfinished, and in my eyes a total mess, but she saw through the flaws into the story and exactly what I was trying to do, and told me over and over again that I couldn't give up on it. It took a year of nagging encouragement, a whole lot of cheerleading and getting me excited about my own manuscript again, and a boost to my confidence before I tried to pick it back up again.
And you know what? After all that time, I read over it, and it was not as messy as I had thought. Every problem that felt so insurmountable before had suddenly become small, fixable, workable. It wasn't ruined. It wasn't impossible. I went on to Draft 6 to fix it.
And then Draft 7, 8, and 9 when I got some major feedback that led to 10, 11, 12, and now 13.
All because I sent it to a friend that could see the good in everything and was stubborn enough to keep on me about it until I saw it too.
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aliceintheworld · 2 days
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PURE ATTRACTION | JJK | TATTOO ARTIST
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Pairing: TattooArtistJungkook X NaiveReader
Summary: "I shouldn't be watching a man undressing, especially not from the house next door."
Warning: more religion 😬 depression, Jimin, Taehyung, and Yoongi appear. Jungkook in a towel 💦👅 finally a kiss (things from here happen quickly.) ATTENTION, THIS STORY IS NOT SLOWBURN.
A/N: Guys, I took a while this time for reasons of: laziness and discouragement. I wanted more people to read what I write, but I'm introverted even on the Internet, which leaves me with few alternatives to show my writing to the world. Thinking about it, I'm in trouble. Other than that, only a few days have passed, so everything is fine. Back to the story, everything starts to pick up pace. Just to repeat, the fanfic is not slowburn, so there will be smut in the next chapter. Stay tuned.
Previous Chapter
Chapter 3
I spend the whole week riding an emotional rollercoaster. I find myself visiting my neighbor, Mrs. Jeon, more frequently than usual, and with each visit, our friendship blossoms deeper. She shares stories of her youth, of wild adventures and carefree days when she was my age. Her openness encourages me to share my own experiences–or rather, my lack of them. I recount my first disastrous kiss, confess that I've never been in love, and reveal how my once unshakeable faith in the church has wavered since my father's passing. I feel a weight lift off my shoulders; here, I am free to be imperfect, to be vulnerable, without fear of judgment.
Yet, there's one thing I keep to myself: the incident with her son, Jungkook, and the profound effect he has on me. Throughout all my visits, I never see him again. Curiosity gets the better of me, and I casually ask Mrs. Jeon where he is. She tells me that he moved and rented an apartment to avoid being a burden. He only spent the first night at home after his trip, and I remember that night well–from my window, of course–but I don't mention it. Disappointment settles in me like a stone; I long to see him again, but I focus on his mother instead. Having her to confide in is a relief, a breath of fresh air in my otherwise stifling life.
I patiently wait for her to open up about her own struggles, her depression, but she never does. I worry that I might know something I shouldn't, that perhaps she's not comfortable sharing with me. But I promise myself I'll keep her secret safe, no matter what. Today is Sunday, and I won't visit Mrs. Jeon since I'll see her at church. I'm excited–despite my mother making unnecessary comments and disturbing my peace of mind, I'll have someone to rely on.
I smooth down my dark brown dress, fixing my messy hair. I dab a bit of lipstick on my fingertips and press it onto my lips, careful not to overdo it. The truth is, I enjoy makeup, but I've never learned how to apply it properly. I feel embarrassed drawing attention to myself with bolder colors; after all, people are used to my lack of vanity. I sigh, steeling myself as I head downstairs to meet my mother.
She hasn't stopped talking about Jungkook. Unlike me, who had a good first impression, she despises him. She criticizes everything: his eyebrow piercing, his bold style, his tattoos, even the way he carries himself. I can't help but wonder if she accepted the dinner invitation just to analyze him, searching for flaws that exist only in her mind. She's been friends with Misuk since moving to town, and I want to believe–perhaps naively–that my mother doesn't have ulterior motives.
We arrive at church early, the space quiet with only a few members milling about. My mother drifts away to chat with the older congregation, and I find a seat, taking a deep breath. I scan the room for Mrs. Jeon but I don't see her. Since it's still early, I'm not too worried. I take a moment to read the Bible, reflecting on positive thoughts when I feel a gentle touch on my shoulder. I turn, and there he is–Jungkook, smiling brightly. I frown, almost convinced he's a mirage. Am I daydreaming?
"Hi Y/N, are you okay?" he asks softly, his lips brushing almost against my ear. His intense gaze locks with mine, and I'm relieved to be sitting down; my legs feel weak in his presence.
"Everything's fine," I reply, my eyes dropping to my fingers. I want to engage him, ask about his week, inquire how he's been, but the words stick in my throat. It's as though I can't act normally around him. I take a deep breath, mustering the courage to comment, "I didn't know you attended church."
"I don't," he laughs, amusement dancing in his eyes. And rightly so; considering his clothes–a heavy leather jacket, shaved sides, and a wavy fringe–it's sexy but definitely not what you'd expect at church. "I haven't been since I was a kid."
"Really? Why?" I ask, genuinely curious, my gaze drawn to his eyebrow piercing, oddly captivating.
"I didn't feel welcome," he replies simply. There's no bitterness in his voice, and I understand all too well what he means. My mother, for example, was the first to judge him based on his appearance, and I can only imagine how difficult it is to feel at home in a place where you're not embraced.
"I understand," I say, unsure of what else to add. "So, you came here to give it another shot?"
"No way," he chuckles. "Actually, my mom mentioned you two planned to meet at church today."
"That's true," I confirm.
"Unfortunately, she can't make it today. She's not feeling well."
"Is she okay?" My concern surfaces immediately.
"She's fine, don't worry. Just a headache, and she took some medicine. She'll be better soon," he assures me, his hand lightly touching my shoulder. I can't help but notice how warm and gentle his touch is. I shake my head, trying to divert my thoughts from Jungkook's hands to anything else.
"I'm relieved to hear that," I smile, noticing the church is starting to fill up.
"I'm actually inviting some friends over to my apartment, and I wanted to know if you'd like to join us," he says, brushing his fingertips against his ear, a bit shy. I'm taken aback; I didn't expect this invitation. He wants me to come over with his friends?
"And why?" I ask, surprised. It's been a while since we last saw each other, and we haven't talked much even then.
"I like you. I want you to come so we can have fun."
"If this is some kind of payment, or something like that... you really don't need to." I reply, not believing it. I don't have friends, and the thought that he wants to be with me and the people he likes seems absurd to me.
"It's not that. I'm even a bit offended." He jokes, smiling. "I really want you to come, please."
"Jungkook... I don't know."
"I swear they're nice. Every time I'm in Busan, we hang out. They're trustworthy, I promise."
"I can imagine," I reply, still hesitant. I'd have to leave church, skip the service, and ask my mother for permission to go out with him, and of course, she wouldn't allow it. No way. It's not that I don't want to; I desperately want to spend time with him. That's been on my mind all week. "I don't think it's possible; my mom..."
"I know," he interjects, as if he anticipated my response. "But what if, just this once, you say you are going to my mom's? We could say I'm taking you there when in fact, you're coming to my apartment."
"Are you asking me to lie to my mother in a church?" I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of it. He shrugs, grinning.
"God knows it's just once," he replies confidently, pouting slightly. "What do you say? Later, I can take you to my mom's whenever you want, or you can stay at my apartment since I have more than one room. You set the time and conditions."
"Jungkook..." I groan, covering my face with my hands. The thought of lying to my mother, especially to go to a guy's house, sends a wave of anxiety through me. If she finds out, I'll be in big trouble.
"Come on! It'll be fun. I promise," he pleads softly. I can't say no to him, at least not now. I nod, agreeing to the madness.
"Okay, but you're the one who's going to talk to my mom. And if I say I want to leave, you agree. No alcohol because I know you drive. Those are my conditions," I assert, trying to sound firm. He smiles and salutes me, like a soldier receiving orders, and I slowly get up, taking small steps toward my mother. I let Jungkook lead the way, my nerves creeping back as I prepare to tell a lie in this sacred place.
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Eunji. Good afternoon, everyone," he greets my mom and the other church members. My mother looks utterly shocked, her eyes nearly popping out of her head as she takes in his appearance.
"Good afternoon, Jungkook," she replies, lacking enthusiasm, her gaze scanning him from head to toe. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to do a favor for my mom," he clarifies, and if I didn't know better, I'd almost believe him. "My mom asked Y/N to keep her company since my dad will be out of town for a few days. I came to pick her up."
"Really?" my mom looks at me, and I don't say anything, just nodding.
"It's true. My dad went to Daegu this weekend, and since my mom hasn't been feeling well, she asked Y/N to spend time with her. If you allow it, of course," he smiles calmly, and I brace myself waiting for my mother's response. I watch her weigh her options, glancing between Jungkook and me for what feels like an eternity before she sighs and nods.
"Alright, that's fine. Is your mom feeling okay?"
"Yes, she's getting better. Can we go now?" he asks, a hint of urgency in his voice.
"Yes, you may go," my mom sighs, placing a hand on her forehead. "It's a shame you're missing the service today, Y/N. Next week, you'll definitely come, okay?"
"Yes, mom, for sure," I agree weakly, clearing my throat and avoiding her gaze, still stunned that she let me go to Jungkook's house. Well, not his house, but is practically the same thing.
"Shall we go, Y/N? My mom is waiting," Jungkook says, raising an eyebrow. I nod, still silent, as we make our way toward the exit.
Some people stare, especially the older members, who seem shocked by Jungkook's appearance–too conservative, in my opinion. Somehow, the situation feels even funnier. Once we're sure no one can see us anymore, I burst into laughter, clutching my stomach. Jungkook chuckles too, exhaling as if he's just finished a tough exam and is finally free.
"Your mom is tough, huh?" he laughs. "I thought she was going to kill me with her eyes."
"Sorry," I say, still giggling a little. "She's like that with everyone."
"Even with you?"
"Even with me," I nod. "What do we do now?"
"Now, we go to my apartment. My friends have the key, so they're probably already there."
"Don't tell me they're all guys," I groan, suddenly anxious. I hadn't considered that he might not have any female friends, and I'd be the only girl at the apartment if that were the case.
"No, relax! I have female friends too. You'll like them," he assures me, walking toward a sleek black car parked across the street. I know nothing about cars, but I can tell this one is expensive. I feel out of place, acutely aware that Jungkook lives in a different world, one that's far removed from my own.
The tension in the car is palpable as we drive. The ride feels like it takes forever, the windows closed, and I'm intoxicated by his scent. I discreetly watch his large hands on the wheel, the way his long fingers tap rhythmically against the leather seat. I have to swallow hard to keep from drooling over him. I'm starving–not for food, but for him. All week, I've yearned to be near him, to touch him. I think I'm suffering from a Jungkook overdose, craving something I haven't even tasted yet.
I ponder whether he's aware of the effect he has on me, but I like to believe he hasn't noticed. It's easier that way. I breathe slowly, attempting to relax in my seat. It takes another ten minutes before Jungkook opens the gate to a condo with a small remote and drives in slowly. His car fits the place perfectly. Everything is stunning and upscale. I glance at my clothes and regret agreeing to come. Why did I say yes? I don't know his friends, and I don't know Jungkook that well, aside from the overwhelming attraction I feel toward him. What do I actually know about him? That he's a tattoo artist from Seoul? That he's rich and hasn't set foot in a church since childhood? I feel like I've walked into a situation that's spiraling out of control.
"Hey, Y/N, are you okay? You went quiet all of a sudden," he asks, concern etched on his face.
"I'm fine. Just feeling a bit strange," I admit.
"Why?"
"I don't know," I confess, omitting my paranoid thoughts. "I always feel like this in new places."
"I get that. I feel that way too," he tells me as we step into the parking elevator. I follow him, digesting this new revelation.
"You seem so confident and social," I comment, genuinely amazed. His big eyes meet mine as the elevator rises, floors passing by in a blur.
"I know, it seems that way. But in reality, I'm quite introverted. I have a small circle of friends and prefer it that way. I just fake it really well," he shares, and I find myself wanting to know more about the person behind the confident exterior.
"Really?" I ask, intrigued.
"Yeah," he nods, his expression earnest.
I try to respond, but the elevator stops on a floor, and Jungkook smiles at me, indicating that this is the right place. I feel one of his hands gently touch my waist, guiding me to a white door. I have to take a deep breath to keep from freaking out, my sweaty, trembling hands hidden in my pocket. I hear different music from the other side of the door before the place fully opens up to us.
"Hey, he's here! Finally, Jungkook!" I hear a male voice. It's a guy around Jungkook's age, I realize as soon as we walk in. His hair is a dark red, and his skin is pale and smooth. It's no surprise that his arms are covered in tattoos, drawings and phrases I can't read so far away. He also watches me closely, smiling warmly.
"Guys, this is YN, the one I told you about," Jungkook introduces me with a smile.
I turn red because there are at least seven people staring at me from head to toe. The apartment is well-kept, with dark wooden furniture. The living room is immaculate, with abstract paintings and photos of Jungkook and his family on the walls. I don't have much time to take everything in as my eyes focus on Jungkook's friends, who are strangers to me so far. Saying they're different from me would be an understatement.
They all have many tattoos and wear dark clothing. I sense an aura of confidence from all of them, but never hostility. It's as if they're very similar to Jungkook, with a completely different exterior from their inner selves. I relax a bit, smiling warmly and putting on my best expression.
"Nice to meet you all," I say, feeling a bit shy. They stand up and smile at me.
"Nice to meet you, Y/N. I'm Yoongi. That's my girlfriend, Minji," says the red-haired guy, pointing to the woman who just smiles. I offer my hand, feeling his cold skin from the beer bottle he was holding earlier.
"I'm Bora, and this is my boyfriend, Jimin," one of the dark-haired women greets me next, pointing to her boyfriend. They're a good-looking couple, the kind you see in magazines. Jimin has the brightest and most open smile.
"Nice to meet you," I nod.
"I'm Taehyung, but you can call me Tae," one of the guys says, taking a sip of his drink.
"I'm Yoori, Tae's girlfriend. Nice to meet you," she winks, making me laugh.
"And I'm Hayun, the only single one in the group," one of the girls shakes my hand, pulling me into a hug. She kisses my cheek, making her presence increasingly noticeable.
"Hayun, you're only single because you want to be, come on," Bora rolls her eyes. Hayun laughs, grabbing a snack from the coffee table.
"I like being single, except when I'm surrounded by couples. Especially couples like you guys."
"Do you have a boyfriend, Y/N?" Jimin asks. Embarrassed, I shake my head.
"No," I reply. They seem surprised, making noises with their mouths.
"But Jungkook is single too, right?" The guy with dark hair says, drinking his beverage. I thinks his name is Tae, if I remember right.
"And I want to keep that way." Jungkook replys.
"Of course you do." Yoongi laughs along with his friends, rolling his eyes. I remain silent, not understanding the joke. Then Yoongi looks at me and seems to notice my confusion. "Y/N, Jungkook never dates. The only time he tried, it went so wrong that now he doesn’t want to do it again."
"It was a disaster." Yoori adds, as if telling a fictional story. Jungkook rolls his eyes, sighing, but his friend continues: "he’s been avoiding relationships like the devil avoids the cross since then."
"Really?" I ask, genuinely curious.
"It’s not true, Y/N." Jungkook smiles at me. "They’re idiots."
"That’s not a lie." Minji, who had been silent until then, clarifies. "He’s been asked out several times, and he always declines. Women go crazy for him, for some reason."
"I know what the reason is." Jimin laughs mischievously, suggesting something while raising an eyebrow. I turn red when they laugh at the joke. Jungkook doesn’t contest it, too busy eating one of the snacks on the table. "But what about you, Y/N? Have you ever dated before?"
"Never." I reply. They don't look surprised this time.
"So you're like Jungkook, who avoids relationships?" Bora asks with a laugh. I feel Jungkook's eyes on me, watching attentively for my response. I shake my head, feeling awkward.
"No, actually, it's just a lack of options," I clarify, deciding to be honest. I hold my hands together nervously.
"Now you have two options," Yoongi suggests with a chuckle. Minji hits his arm trying to stop him, but he continues: "There's Hayun, since she likes to try out a little bit of everything, like some pussy and shit."
"Oh!" I widen my eyes, shocked, as they laugh even more. It's the first time I've seen someone speak so openly like this. Embarrassed, I look at Hayun, but she doesn't seem to mind the comment, laughing with the others.
"Who would be the other option?" Taehyung asks his friend with his trademark grin.
"Our friend Jungkook, obviously," Yoongi clarifies, and I choke on the answer, coughing uncontrollably.
They laugh even more, watching me nearly suffocate from the joke. Jungkook pats my back, smiling widely. His thumb caresses the skin of my arm, waiting for me to calm down. We're so close that he inadvertently wraps one of his arms around my shoulder. I'm shocked and even more unsettled. For me, physical contact beyond my mom is rare. Hugs, affection... I'm just not used to it.
"Are you okay?" he asks amidst his friends' chatter. I nod, staring at my hands. "Sorry about Yoongi; he always makes these kinds of jokes. He doesn't mean any harm."
"It's fine," I assure him, feeling awkward, unable to look into his eyes. "I actually liked everyone."
"Really?" he asks, bringing his nose close to my hair. My whole body shivers as I realize he's smelling my perfume, giving a satisfied smile when he pulls away. "Good to know."
I stay silent, feeling his warm breath near me. Jungkook removes his arm from my shoulder, but his skin still brushes against mine when he takes off his heavy jacket, leaving him in just a T-shirt. His friends are fun and involve me in the conversation, making me feel comfortable, but the truth is that having Jungkook so close drives me crazy and I can't pay much attention. I wonder how long I'll feel this way about him. Will this strong effect never go away? This is the third time we've met, but something tells me that no matter how many times I see him-be it two times or a thousand-my heart will always race whenever he gets close and smiles at me.
I don't even notice the time passing and only realize it's late when Yoongi, Jimin and Taehyung offer to take their girlfriends home, along with Hayun, who complains about not having anyone waiting for her at her apartment. Everyone leaves until only Jungkook and I remain. He promised to take me to his mother's house if I wanted, but I'm hesitant to ask as it's quite likely Mrs. Jeon is already asleep by now.
"Y/N, do you want me to get a towel for you?" Jungkook asks, tidying up the living room. I'm confused, picking up some empty soju bottles his friends drank to throw away.
"What do you mean?"
"You're not going to stay here?" he asks, furrowing his brow.
"Not really?" I laugh, then realize I might have been a bit rude, so I rephrase my response. "I mean, I don't think so. I don't want to be a bother."
"It's no bother. If you want, you can take a shower in my bathroom and sleep in the guest room." He offers with a smile. I bite my lower lip, unsure what to decide. I want to stay here, but it's just him and me now; is it really the right thing to do? It doesn't matter, Y/N. Just for one night.
"Okay then. Do you have a toothbrush, please?"
"Of course I do. Come with me, I'll get the stuff for you to use the bathroom." He calls me with a smile and walks down the long hallway. We pass by a few doors until we reach his room. My throat goes dry as my eyes scan the new space. His bed is large and covered with a dark gray blanket. The walls are white and everything is very organized, with a laptop next to the wardrobe and a fluffy black rug on the floor. His scent is everywhere, almost as if I'm breathing him. I clutch my hands together nervously about being alone with Jungkook in such an intimate space. He reappears after going to the closet, holding a white towel and some cotton clothes.
"You can take a shower in my bathroom while I use the guest one," he says, placing the items in my hands.
"Jungkook, that's not necessary..."
"Don't worry. I want you to be comfortable." He says before I can argue. His satisfied smile makes me not deny it again, happy to receive so much care from him. I just nod, agreeing. "The toothbrush is in the cabinet by the sink, in the package. You can open it, okay?"
"Okay, thank you very much." I smile before he walks down the hallway. I head to the door leading to the bathroom and sneak into the new space. I start thinking Jungkook has no flaws.
The place is as clean as the rest of the apartment, which makes me curious; does he clean everything himself, or does he hire someone to keep it tidy? I slowly take off my dress, grabbing my phone to text my mom and let her know I'm okay. I feel bad for lying, but the night was so good that I can't truly regret it. If I had to lie, to meet these same people, I would do it again. Thinking this surprises me, because just a few hours ago, I didn't think this way. The shower has a strong hot jet of water that massages my whole body, and it's so good that I have to convince myself to finish the shower and put on the clothes, trying to be done before Jungkook.
I brush my teeth quickly, smelling my skin that's still male fragrant with the liquid soap. I smile at myself in the mirror, brushing my hair with my fingers, trying to manage the unwashed strands. I open the bathroom door carefully, trying not to make too much noise and disturb the neighbors at this hour, when I see Jungkook again, this time only in a towel. I hold onto the doorframe, barely able to stand. A voice in my head tells me I shouldn't be watching him naked again and that I should turn around, go back into the bathroom, and pretend nothing happened, but I can't. I simply can't anymore. His muscular, wet back is in my field of vision as he searches for clothes. At that moment, my brain turns to mush and I decide to say what's been stuck in my throat.
"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?" I muster the courage to ask him but I regret it immediately. What the hell am I doing? Jungkook turns slowly and the view from the front is a thousand times better than from the back. His whole body glistens in the light of the room, and his tattoos have never been so vivid. His body is muscular, virile and strong. I gonna lose my mind! Feeling new sensations I've never experienced for anyone before.
"Y/N?" He whispers my name with that soft voice he used when we first met. He doesn't seem surprised or embarrassed, which makes me even more unsettled.
"You're doing this on purpose, Jungkook?" I ask again. I have no idea where I got such courage and I don't know how long it will last. My heart feels like it's going to leap out of my chest. My whole body is on edge and sweating. I feel my hands trembling as I swallow hard. "You're trying something? I mean... you're not wearing clothes again and..."
"What do you think, Y/N?" he retorts suddenly, with a hoarse, deep voice. His eyes wander from my head to toes, as he raises an eyebrow along with his piercing, with a smirk at the corner of his mouth. My legs turn to weak twigs immediately, ready to collapse.
"I-I don't know." I stammer as he takes one step, then two and three, getting closer and closer to me.
"When I arrived from my trip to Busan, on the first day, I was tired and exhausted," he tells me, taking another step. I start to run out of breath, anxious and aroused. My cheeks flush as he speaks more slowly. "All I wanted was to rest and sleep the whole night, but that night I couldn't, not for an hour. Do you know why?"
"N-no..." I moan softly as his chest presses against mine. His warm, wet skin makes contact with mine, and I no longer know where I begin or end, pressed against his body. His pink lips curl into a wicked smile, as if he knows exactly what he's doing to me and it's all intentional. I shiver as his free hand moves up my wrist and grips the back of my neck firmly, making my eyes focus on his mouth and then his dark, deep eyes.
"A woman, next window, taking off all her damn clothes, completely shameless," he growls, pulling my neck closer to his face and pressing his lips to my ear. My spine tingles as I feel his teeth on my earlobe, in a bite that doesn't hurt but damn, it makes me shiver. My body contracts once and twice, and I know exactly what I'm feeling now: desire. The kind I feel occasionally when I try to touch myself alone and can't reach climax. The feeling I only have when I'm alone and confortable in my bed, trying to use my imagination even with the lack of real experience, but this is real, and it is infinitely better than what my mind could create.
"It was an accident, Jung..." I try to say, but my voice doesn't come out. The tip of his nose travels along a sensitive spot behind my ear, one I didn't even know existed, slowly moving down my jawline, discovering new paths. His hand tightens around my waist, keeping me in place, immobile.
"It may be that you didn't notice, Y/N, but I know you were watching me, even while I was undressing, even when you had every opportunity to stop." He argues with a smile, as someone who knows what they're doing and enjoys seeing the result. "And you know what's worse...? The worst thing is knowing the effect you have on me. From the first time I saw you in my house, with your innocent and curious eyes. I can't get you out of my damn head. Your mouth, your scent..."
"J-Jungkook... please." I beg, closing my eyes tightly. And I know what I want. I want him, since the first time I saw him. Since my eyes met his, I desired him so strongly that I couldn't think straight. He pulls away just a little, and I almost moan in a plea for him not to go. He sighs, pressing his forehead to mine.
"Can I kiss you, Y/N?" he asks in a very soft voice, and I nod because, despite all the things I believe in–God, hell, heaven and even my mother–nothing has ever been as adored as Jungkook. Since I met him, inexplicably, I only think about him, like a spell unable to contemplate of any other answer besides yes. I look at his eyes as they travel to my mouth, and I lower mine to his, exhilarated by that pink that only exists in him.
I move closer, my lips almost touching his, feeling the warmth of his breath. "Just kiss me, please." I murmur scared of what I'm doing; temptation clear in every word. And then he does.
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@ane102 @ttipa @joonwater
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floatingonapaintedsky · 2 months
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People's reaction to Maya absolutely reeks of misogyny. And a refusal to engage with the fact her behavior is absolutely a result of the ways that able-bodied people treat disabled people. Which is absolutely wild for a show centered around the fact that what drew one of the MLs to the other is that he was one of the only people that treated him like a whole person instead of someone to be pitied, infantilized and made a spectacle of because of their disability. Like it's made very clear that ableism from others is a near constant and that a lot of people interact with you not because they actually want to know you as a person but because they want to feel good about themselves for being nice to the "poor helpless disabled person" The girl that told Kohei carrying the trash must be too difficult for him because he can't hear, the guys that let him score a basket because it would've been "pitiful" to defend against him, Yoko's cousin and her weird romance fantasy etc etc.
So Maya, as a disabled person who also deals with that bs on the daily, being stand-offish and critical or suspicious of an able-bodied man? Makes sense actually. Right now her character is there as conflict between the characters, it makes sense to not like her but hop off of all that "uwu this character is perfect sunshine baby and anyone who is mean or critical of them is a heartless bitch" bullshit
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laniidae-passerine · 6 months
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not a chuck hater but honestly I do think there should have been a longer arc acknowledging she can guilt trip other people and be quite selfish
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dizzyrobinsims · 4 months
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So finally watched Full Moon and oh boy the juicy, delicious draaamaaaa and anggggsst. I am FEASTING.
BUT also if anyone can watch that episode and blame only one of 'em for that clusterfuck then they need to take a media studies course.
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insidejupiter · 11 months
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jingliu is a perfect example of "if this female character was male, shed be universally loved instead of heavily criticized"
#im not saying you cant criticize a character but its sooooo telling that she gets so much of it#“shes a hypoctite. shes too mean. shes too cold.” yeah uh huh but those kinds of traits are fine on ren okay got it#people saying her character design is basic like im sorry but star rail doesnt have very many ground breaking designs for anyone#and yet i only see people bringing up jinglius design. also saying shes too pretty and done up#like the men arent also conventionally attractive. *yes* hoyoverse is bad for unique female designs#buts lets not pretend its solely a jingliu problem. it was an issue before her#shes just another victim of the short dress exposed shoulders look. also her design is not in any way shape or form the worst female design#im not going to give my opinion on that here tho because its not important#im losing my train of thought so im just gonna say people wouldnt be handwringing over the prospect#of jing yuan having romantic feelings for her. in fact thered be droves and droves of girls shipping them if jingliu was a man#not to mention shipping her with ren if she was. and dan heng/feng#but shes not a man so shes being scruitinized and picked apart for any potential “flaws”#like theyre so transparent about it. like im sorry she was mean to ren/yingxing fucking forgive her for having complex feelings#about a messy complicated issue while shes dealing with her own#trauma and guilt and anger and everything else that wouldnt be a problem if she wasnt a female character#the hypocrisy of it all never ceases to astound#hsr
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favroitecrime · 1 year
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and idk idk cause the way that fandom interacts with characters is so nasty cause i guarantee if ricky were put in the exact same position as ej this season y’all would not be as upset with him. cause yeah ej wasn’t around as much as he (or gina) wanted but that’s because he was busy having to quickly put together a show that a) none of his friends were cooperating on creating (except carlos briefly but like that quickly goes away wtf?) and b) means so much to gina as she co-stars in it and he wants to do his best for her. but suddenly he’s big and mean cause he spent less than two weeks not giving her his full attention and idk if your boyfriend has been with you for months now and you can’t deal with him being busy (with something that benefits you) for two weeks are you really ready for a relationship?
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moe-broey · 2 months
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Why did I start like three other projects when I was already working on a big project when I just got hit with the autism exhaustion beam (requires. At least One Full Day just dead in bed, and then some more Taking It Easy time after)
#i don't even know what prompted it...#hit w a vision. not enough time to execute it. hit w a vision. too tired to execute it.#i guess technically it was just two huh. but all the moving parts made the other one feel like two in and of itself#oh. now i remember there was another shitpost behind it. i just. didn't get to.#thinking about bruno... thinking about anna... thinking about the fairies... thinking about mirabilis specifically actually#she gets the short end of the stick characterization wise and it's such a shame.#to the point where i was unsure what to do w her... i think i got some ideas rattling around though#I CAN... GIVE HER.... SO MUCH MORE.... without changing too much about her. i just need to extrapolate.#hits her w the disability beam. idk if it's also autism but she has some sort of chronic condition#that just makes you. so tireds. moe and mira shaking hands. let's lay down and rest together.#also thinking about the subtle differences between a full dream and a daydream... between sleeping and just resting#and. making her kitty coded. she is such a kitten pile type girl. she is such a lap cat. queen of catnapping#which i'm thinking works really well w peony and even sharena. not so much moe though 😭💔#i want to capture a playful side. and maybe even a 'i'm still figuring out how i feel about that' side to her#like... i'm imagining peony as someone who's surprisingly insightful and emotionally intelligent.#she's got it all figured out. she already knows. she's not always right. but she tends to know what's up#i'm thinking... maybe mira isn't quite there yet. or struggles to see outside of herself. for obvious/understandable reasons#but she has that unwavering desire for joy and comfort the way peony does. she may feel a pang of jealousy here and there#but it doesn't get in the way of her goals and wants for others. which may be the defining factor actually#like obviously this could get messy if you simplify it too much into 'good' or 'bad'. bc all these girls are DIRECT reflections#of each one's trauma response. assigning morality to that is fucked up. but for story purposes... maybe freyja/freyr did. to a degree.#bc maybe they're flawed and fucked up too. it's about The Cycles. i'm getting so lost in the sauce though LMFAOO#i am GOING to do SOMETHING. for mirabilis. mark my fucking words.
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hella1975 · 1 year
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choked up in my room rn bc i was sat in the car with my mum completely lost in thought and she out of nowhere went 'are you okay?' and i was like 'yeah? why?' bc i was totally fine i was literally just thinking and she let it go and then five entire minutes later she goes 'are you sure? have i done something?' and she sounded so genuinely anxious and i could tell she'd been thinking about it the entire 5 minutes while id been completely oblivious and i spent so many years as a child letting everything bottle up until it all burst out in a messy and ugly breakdown that took her down with me and despite that she never hated me she only ever blamed herself for not seeing the signs and she's never been able to see my signs because i keep everything to myself and it terrifies her that she might miss something and she handles things poorly when she's scared and she gets too angry but fundamentally she's trying her absolute hardest to be a good mother and it wasn't always enough and i know i have to hold her at least partially accountable but also she's my mum and im her daughter and she always just wants to know if im okay and most of the time im not and somehow that feels like ive betrayed her
#like my mum is such a loud powerful force of a woman that these little moments of vulnerability where she's just HONEST with me#and she shows me that she's worried or scared or unsure instead of just constantly putting up a strong front#always always bowl me over#like ive literally said to her time and time again that i'd find it easier to communicate with her if she wasn't so strong all the time#like of course i hate crying and being emotional in front of you when youve made it v clear my whole life that you hate doing that#when it's you that's the one being emotional like that's not fair#but also being strong all the time is literally a survival thing she had no choice but to implement bc her own life was so hard#so how can i just ask her to lower those walls for me? even if keeping them up is to both our detriment?#and like ive talked on here before how she's openly admitted to me that she finds my temper harder to handle than my sister's#even tho mine is quieter and significantly less messy. but she's also said to me that in general she finds my sister easier to deal with#bc my sister's so open and if she's angry she yells if she's sad she cries if she's happy she talks ur ear off etc etc#i just insist on handling everything myself and the worse i feel the more i deal on my own and it TERRIFIES my mum#BECAUSE it's led to mistakes in the past but also just bc i have never ever doubted that she has so much love for me in her heart#like even when our relationship was at its worst it was never ever a lack of love and she just does genuinely care and worry about me#it's just if she's scared she just gets ANGRY and her angry means her hurting my feelings and my feelings being hurt means i shut down MORE#and it's literally the worst combo but we love each other so much that we're both clawing through it anyway it makes me want to cry#and because she's always so strong i FORGET that there's just a scared vulnerable person behind those walls#that has no idea what she's doing bc her own mum never taught her anything good#and my mum blames herself so completely for every bad thing like she says things like 'i feel like ive failed' and idk how to tell her#that she IS messy and incredibly flawed and she HAS done things that have hurt me beyond comprehension#and there are bad parts of my personality that exist because of her and her alone#but ive also done terrible things to her too like not even considering the fact our responses arent compatible and that hurts her#i also did some DUMB shit when i first started tackling ye olde mental illness that had a HUGELY negative impact on everyone around me#but she is still my favourite person in the world and my best friend and i love her and i know she loves me and i just want to hold her#girls when their mum isnt an all powerful being but instead a flawed human trying their best: SKJDGHKDJSHGJKSDHGJKSH#hella goes home
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no1ryomafan · 3 months
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I’m one of few people who care about Kei anyways and there’s definitely criticisms to be made towards her and Genki being made into the same person in arma-mainly for the fact it’s low key sad the only version of genki who’s hugely utilized just becomes a different character really-but GOD I was thinking about her character again and just-
Imagine being a sweet little kid who despite not having a mother you have a lovely older sister and a father. Then your sister dies, your father puts the mantle of you taking his place when he passes while speaking over your dead sisters corpse and THEN you see him be killed by an adult you thought you could trust. You’re then thrown into the hands of two adults who always liked you but aren’t your dad. Will never be your dad. You don’t resent them but you’re numb to everything to really care what happens next.
Then you forget about it all, grow up in a apocalypse but somehow turn into a ray of sunshine because your new father genuinely gave a fuck about you and raised you with care- until the memories come flooding back that your biological dad was the one to doom the world to begin with, making it feel like you have to lift the burden by KILLING your own blood. And the only relative left alive that isn’t evil is a artificial creation who has the dna of your bio dad and dead sister who you can’t even tell actually cares about you when he saids he’ll protect you until you ask someone else what it’s like to have a brother.
…FUCK MAN *flips over table*
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fightaers · 9 months
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sometimes i think abt how sakura's become so widely-spread and misinformed in that mass-production that she's almost become this caricature of the third female member in a trio who is a 'girl-boss who is so cool and is so sexy or so confident etc' when, in fact, she's actually a character with believable flaws and unique characteristic pertaining specifically to the experiences she's endured, and she's beyond someone everyone mass-ships or mass-hates, and in this essay i will—
#thinking about how many people mary sue'd her#including myself unfortunately before i reread part 2#and like.......... god.#the way she has compassion and genuine goals and has her unique insecurity and flaws#and she has her strengths and her own determination#and the way the fandom either..... simplifies her or reduces her just.#it grinds on my nerves!#the other day i read fanfics where s.akura supposedly is just endlessly irritated by i.no bc shes ''suffering'' so much#[to get the attention of a guy and i.no's being 'unreasonable']#and im like???????#WHAT DO U MEAN#im not even gonna go to that rabbit hole because i have like. RECEIPTS on how much i.no means to her#i 100% believe i.no quite literally is probs the first to SAVE HER when team 7 was .... not around#and this is beyond mentorship. she has genuine PEERS bc of i.no!#AGAIN. i could go on and on about that#on how much guilt and gratitude she probs feels abt the rest of konoha 11 who /did/ take her in#on how much PART of why she worked so hard — catching up to nrt and ssk aside — is BECAUSE she wants to save k11 when they NEED her#ok imma quit now before i go full on rambling#i love her soooo much. and team 7 is messy yes but i love their messy dynamic too!#but i simply detest how she's either an accessory. an obstacle. or this dramatic over-the-top heroine that can do-all#funny how her main narrative is always abt her wanting to be an equal to her teammates#and even outside of the narrative she's almost never that.#gen: out of character.
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ahalliance · 1 year
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i feel like ten and martha jumped immediately to that best friend stage where you’d trust them with your life and your ugliest and most vulnerable moments without actually developing a relationship that would naturally amount to that first . like that first bit for most friendships came after lmaooo
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tinylilvalery · 1 year
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Shiv stans will literally think infantilising her to remove her from any responsibility of her actions is a hot take lol. Mf, Shiv is an adult like everyone else on this show, she's responsible for her actions. She's not a little feminist angel who has no agency.
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creatediana · 2 years
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A half-assed whiteboard imitation of Edwin Landseer’s Scene from A Midsummer Night’s Dream (1851), done in a few minutes in Expo marker on 11/17/2022
Yes, it is currently sitting on the same whiteboard as where I drew Regina on Monday. As of yet, no one has erased either of them. 
#i know the tutor who works in that room on fridays and he said he'd keep an eye on them#process was the same as regina. i looked at a computer and copied in my notebook. then copied my notebook drawing lazily to the board.#i kinda like the lines and unclear style of white board drawings. they allow my flaws to look more stylized#also copying a secondhand source definitely has a different effect than if i were trying to copy the original which id never drawn before#theyd come out a lot less messy-by-nature and more messy-with-effort... not the look i prefer. i like getting a pencil practice first#maybe one day ill show the pencil drawings in my sketchbooks along w these. if i ever post enough.#this is definitely something id love to keep doing#2022#college years#drawing#my drawing#art#visual art#my art#edward landseer#shakespeare#a midsummer night's dream#i was pleasantly surprised nobody erased regina. when i looked in this afternoon (3 days later) the board was completely empty but her.#kaily said if i was drawing smth else on the board i should erase one of them. but she liked bottom and titania better.#and i said i couldnt do that to lizzie... not after being so proud that she'd made it this far you know? 3 whole days in a math center?#that's nothing to be ashamed of.#the fact that it was left up despite that board being used daily is kinda like. aw :'''") it meant smth. they thought it worth keeping.#even if only for another day. and that's kinda touching.#these may both be erased someday by who knows who and who knows when. i probably won't be there. i couldnt stand to view it.#perhaps it's that kind of uncertainty of the art that imitates life. hmm yes quite.
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skullmoss · 3 months
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the final season of beastars is going to reawaken the most obnoxious people and their bad takes
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rodrickheffley · 5 months
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the way swifties think that ttpd is like. challenging or hard to understand when really you just need to know and care more abt her Lore than on any album shes previously released like. smart strategy on her part for making her fans feel extremely intelligent and superior to others for understanding an album that really isnt worth it
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