#i literally cannot believe that we actually know who was responsible for this dub and the voice actors

[imdevilmaaaaaaaaaaan]

CINDY ROBINSON?????

BRYCE PAPENBROOK??!!???

[wrenhyperfixates]

The Secret Admirer

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: When he is too nervous to confess his love for you, Loki decides to take on the role of secret admirer. Can a perfect night out with you give him the confidence he needs? Warnings: it’s mainly fluff and some pining with a slightly steamy (but very quick) make-out session A/N: 1) Though I usually aim to write the reader as gender neutral, they are a female in this one. It’s nothing essential to the plot, but Loki does refer to them as a “woman” and “lady”. I apologize to all my readers out there who don’t identify as female, but maybe you could just skip those lines? I promise the next one will be gender neutral again. Thanks for reading :) 2) Thanks to @shypickleghostsuitcase​ for requesting. This was a lot of fun to write!

Loki watched from around the corner as you walked into the kitchen, ready for your post-workout snack. You frowned as you searched for your favorite fruits, which were nowhere to be found. That is until you spun around and saw a basket filled to the brim with them. Loki was glad to see a smile tugging at your lips as you picked up the little notecard attached by an emerald green ribbon. He sauntered in as you read it.

“Another gift from you secret admirer, I see,” he said, raising his eyebrows at you.

“Yeah,” you replied with shining eyes. “It’s the third one this week.”

“Any clue as to who it might be?”

Loki, in reality, did not need to ask that question. After all, it was him who had been leaving you the presents around the Tower. However, he couldn’t resist an opportunity to see that adorable little blush creep its way onto your face.

“I might have a couple guesses,” came your carefree response.

“And who, might I ask, are they?”

“Well, you know Justin from accounting? I think he’s been dropping hints. Oh! And Chris from R&D has been pretty friendly recently. And he’s cute, too, don’t you think?”

“Yes, yes, whatever,” Loki answered, suddenly becoming very sour.

He’d known about this downside of his little plan, but he was too self-conscious to come right out and invite you on a date. Especially so after hearing you talk about others in this way. So, he resolved to make sure you fell completely for your admirer before coming forward. He made a gruff excuse as he left the room, and you stared on in confusion at his sudden mood swing.

Loki didn’t see you again until dinner, where the topic of conversation was him, not that any of his teammates knew it.

“Five bucks it’s that guy named Lawrence,” Tony speculated. “You know, that agent SHIELD keeps sending as a messenger.”

“Yeah, he does seem pretty fond of you,” Wanda added, playfully elbowing you.

“No way,” Nat argued. “It’s Matthew, that blonde from the labs.”

“Can we please talk about something else? Literally anything?” you pleaded.

“Indeed,” Loki came to your defense, and you shot him an appreciative smile that made his heart skip a beat. “Certainly someone has a different topic to conversate about.”

“Ok, ok,” Bucky conceded. “We’ll stop making guesses.”

“Thank you,” you said.

“So then, who do you want it to be?”

You just shook your head and got up from the table as the rest of the team erupted into a fit of giggles. They called you back as you stormed away with flushed cheeks, but you just flipped them off. When it became clear that no one was going after you, Loki took it upon himself to check on you. Once again fully immersed in their ridiculous guesses, no one noticed as he excused himself from the table.

He called your name as you were stepping into the elevator, and you held the door open for him so he could join you. You were still obviously pissed, and Loki wondered if he should have been like the rest of the team and let you blow off steam. When you fixed your gaze on him, though, your eyes were soft and appreciative. He wanted to get lost in them forever, to jump in and never come out. He certainly would have settled for being lost in a kiss, too, but he wouldn’t want to taint your sweet lips with his venomous ones.

It simultaneously pleased and annoyed him that no one had guessed he was your admirer. On the one hand, it meant that he was doing a good job keeping it a secret. On the other, it probably meant that no one thought you were a good match. Though, if they knew he was the one leaving you the gifts, that might change. After all, they fawned over the fact that you had a secret admirer. Sometimes they even tried to guess what he’d leave next.

“Hey,” you ventured, breaking the silence that had settled in between the two of you. “Thanks for backing me up in there.”

“I assure you it was no problem. The whole discussion was rather irksome, don’t you agree?”

You nodded your head in agreement as the elevator came to a stop. How Loki wished he could put an end to all those debates by just coming forward, but he was certain you wouldn’t feel the same. He was sparing both of you the guilt and embarrassment that would surely accompany his confession. Still, he couldn’t help but imagine holding your hand as you walked side by side, your head resting against him. It would show everyone that you were his. But you weren’t, not yet anyway.

“Um, Loki?” you asked after popping into your room for a second and coming back out with a jacket. “I was going to grab a bite to eat since I didn’t finish dinner and was wondering if you maybe wanted to come?”

Loki froze in his tracks. He knew how you meant it, but it almost sounded as if you were asking him out on a date. Never in his life had he been that lucky, though, so he was certain that wasn’t the case.

“Yes,” he said, masking the eagerness in his voice. “I would like that very much.”

The two of you made your way out onto the busy city streets, and Loki’s heart sped up as you took his hand to keep from getting separated. He knew that it was an innocent gesture, but to anyone else, it would seem as if you were something more than just friends. The very thought made the palpitations of his heart grow louder still.

Usually, Loki avoided going out into the world as much as possible. No one outside the Tower ever did seem to truly trust him and often sent him worried glances as if he might start another invasion right then and there. Being with you, however, seemed to ease everyone’s minds. People still sent him hurried looks that they thought he didn’t notice, but they were far fewer than when he ventured out by himself.

As the two of you stopped at a crosswalk waiting for the light to change, he felt something cold and metallic brush against his wrist. He looked down and saw you wearing the charm bracelet he’d left you about a week ago. It pleased him to know that you liked the gifts, even if you were unaware that he was the one giving them to you. He averted his gaze before you could think anything of it, and a few minutes later, you were pulling him into a storefront, brightly decorated on the outside with red and yellow.

“McDonald’s is one of my favorites,” you explained as the door closed behind you, and you got on line to order. “Are you familiar with it?”

“I cannot say that I am.”

Loki, in fact, was not well acquainted with any of the Midgardian cuisines dubbed “fast food” and squinted at the menu, trying to figure out which of the undoubtedly greasy options was the best. However, he didn’t have to, as you insisted on ordering for him and sent him off to claim a table in the crowded restaurant. He found a small booth tucked in the corner, and you soon joined him, arms filled with the food you’d bought. Loki hesitantly eyed the burger that you had called a BigMac but bit into it after seeing your excited smile. He had to admit; it wasn’t half bad.

After you two had finished eating your burgers and shared some hot fries and chicken nuggets, Loki’s eyes flitted back down to the bracelet around your wrist. This time, you noticed before he could look away.

“It was a gift from my admirer,” you told him, unaware that he already knew this fact.

“Well, I must say, they have excellent taste. Both in jewelry and women.”

You blushed both from the compliment and the intense look in his eyes. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, it’s very flattering, and I do appreciate it. I just kinda wish they’d confess already, you know?”

Loki frowned at that. He was certain that both of you would be disappointed if he came clean. Still, the idea was tempting. But then he’d remember just how many people seemed to be interested in you, and he was once again sure that no number of gifts could buy your affection. He knew that it was a great flaw in his plan, but he could find no better way. Besides, the gifts certainly made you happy, and that was worth it in and of itself.

“Actually,” you continued, “I’m not too sure I really mean that.”

“Why is that?” Loki said, somewhat shocked by your change of heart.

“Well, right now I can pretend that it’s the person I want it to be. But if the admirer comes forward and it’s not them, well, I guess I don’t know what I’d do. The gifts are thoughtful, so I suppose I’d give them a chance. Get to know them and see where it goes.”

“Unless it’s someone you already know and have absolutely no interest in, correct?”

“To be honest, I haven’t really thought much about what would happen if I felt that way. But, yeah, I guess not.”

Loki admired your features as you took on a pensive look, trying to sort through all these puzzling thoughts. He had a lot of thinking to do, too. Right now, it seemed as if his chances were decent. Even if he wasn’t who you’d been hoping for, he might be able to get at least one date with you. Though, he’d put a lot of thought into the possibility that you might have no interest in him, and actually believed it to be the most likely option. But that soft look on your face as you turned your attention back to him did change his mind a little. He made up his mind; he was going to tell you, and he’d do it tonight.

Before he could figure out the proper way to confess, you were dragging the raven haired god out of the restaurant, pursuing your next craving. He quirked an eyebrow at you as you came to a stop on a short line at an ice cream parlor. By now the sun was almost completely set, and a chill was settling into the air. He was worried about your frail mortal form becoming too cold after consuming the frozen treat. Voicing his concerns elicited, what he considered, an extremely cute scoff from you.

“I happen to like things that run on the cool side,” you said with a little shrug, stepping up to place your order.

Loki couldn’t help but wonder if there was some hidden meaning behind your words, especially considering a frost giant was your chosen companion for this evening. He didn’t have much time to ruminate on this, however, since he had to place his order. Surprisingly, before he could get the words out, you spoke for him. Not only that, you knew his favorite flavors: chocolate and strawberry. Realizing how much attention that meant you paid to him, he felt his cheeks flush. He wanted to say something, but you were very pointedly looking away from him. He supposed you might not have thought before speaking and were now embarrassed because of it.

You made your way out of the store after polishing off your ice cream, once again grabbing Loki’s hand as not to lose him in the crowded streets. He was enjoying the easy conversation that you shared when suddenly you squealed in delight and pulled him once again to chase your latest desire.

“Look, Loki!” you exclaimed, practically jumping up and down in excitement. “Carriage rides! I’ve always wanted to go on one.”

“Well, I see no reason to deny such a pretty lady her wish.”

Though he was a perfect picture of nonchalance and suave on the outside, his insides were a jumbled mess. As he paid the driver and helped you into the carriage, Loki thanked the Norns for this excellent opportunity to confess. For once, it seemed that the universe was actually on his side. As the horse trotted along the road, you began to shiver, and, giving you his best “I told you so” look, Loki conjured up a blanket for you. It wasn’t his intention to share it, but you insisted. Bundled up under the fleecy material, you took in the sights of the city. Loki, however, basked in the sight of you and all your radiant beauty, bursting forth from your bright smile and infectious energy.

“What is it?” you questioned, noticing how he was observing you. “Is there something in my teeth?”

Your hand flew up to cover your mouth, flustered at the possibility. Loki gently grabbed it and pulled it down, considering his next words carefully.

“No, my angel, there is not.” He took a steadying breath before continuing, “I do, however, have a confession to make.”

“Oh?” you remarked, the most adorable look of befuddlement adorning your face. “Ok, I’m listening.”

“Well, you see,” he began, second-guessing his decision to reveal himself, but the eager expression you wore egged him on. “I am the one who has been leaving you presents.”

“Wait, wait, wait. So you’re my secret admirer?”

Loki bit his lip, trying to assess the emotions hidden in your voice. It was something that, in any other circumstance, he was exceedingly good at. His own complex feelings, however, were preventing him from coming to an accurate conclusion at the moment.

“Yes. I am.” Before you could say anything else, he plowed on in an unusual mix of confidence and concern. “When we were speaking earlier, you admitted that, so long as you didn’t hate the person, you would go on a date with them. And I was hoping you would. Settle for me, that is.”

You blinked a few times, doing your best to process everything he just said. Loki waited with bated breath for your reply. As the seconds ticked on, he considered launching into another rambled explanation but thought better of it. It took all his energy to remain composed as you began shaking your head.

“I’m afraid that, no, Loki. I will not be settling for you, as you put it.”

“I understand,” he said, once again resigned to the fact that you would never love him. He couldn’t believe how foolish he’d been to think for even a second that you could.

“Actually, I don’t think that you do,” you continued as he quirked an eyebrow, doing his best to keep that glimmer of hope from invading his heart again. “You see, I won’t be settling because I was hoping that it would be you all along.”

For what was possibly the first time ever, the trickster god was at a loss for words. “I must admit, I am not quite sure what to say.”

“Then shut up and kiss me already.”

It was all the encouragement he needed before bringing his lips to meet yours. You grabbed his shirt and brought him even closer to you, deepening the kiss. Loki tried to memorize every detail of this moment, terrified that you’d suddenly change your mind. He was pretty sure that he could get drunk on the taste of your lips. Your fingers tangled in his raven locks as your tongue darted in his mouth and started exploring. Where he was afraid to go too fast and scare you off, you were sure of what you wanted and went for it. It encouraged him to move his hands down to your waist and slip them under your shirt.

All too soon, you had to break for air, but Loki wasn’t yet ready for his lips to still. He placed sloppy kisses along your neck as you panted, still trying to catch your breath from the passionate kiss. He managed to pull himself away as the carriage came to a stop, suddenly remembering where he was.

“So, about that date?” he ventured, now brimming with aplomb.

“Yes, Loki,” you laughed. “I would love to go on a date with you. Oh, and by the way, that kiss was the best gift yet.”

He looked shyly away as you snuggled up next to him under the blanket. After finishing the carriage ride, Loki walked arm in arm with you back home. You placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him before you walked in the doors.

“So, do you want to break it to the rest of the team that their guesses were wrong, or should I?” you playfully asked.

The two of you shared a laugh as you walked into the Tower, hearts full and lips red from kissing.

“Whatever you want, dearest,” Loki replied, placing a gentle, loving kiss to your head. “Whatever you want.”

[spnshameblog]

Ok so... lets assume the script is legit. This just hammers home the fact that cas was supposed to be in the final episode. The 'lucifer posing as cas' and the 'dean demanding chuck bring back castiel' was already enough for me, but explicitly showing jack missing cas? Jack who definitely has the power to rescue cas from the empty (and did so offscreen)? You cannot write in MULTIPLE setups to something without planning to deliver on it. Cas was supposed to appear in the finale. If thats really the version that went out to be dubbed its also possible that those scenes werent just written but also SHOT.

Cas was supposed to appear in the finale, at what point did they decide to cut him out When did they tell him 'heeeyyyy, so we decided youre not gonna be in the finale after all, SAWRY' And why all this? Is it really just fucking regular old homophobia? Fucking boring ass uninspired gay cooties? Who the fuck was responsible for this?

Like... i already knew cas was supposed to be in the finale, why else would they write in dean demanding him back or lucifer posing as him or dean wearing the HANDPRINT for the entire episode. All of these serve the purpose of reminding the audience that castielis missing at the moment. Literally why would you remind the audience of him if you had zero intentions of bringing him back??? If his sacrifice was supposed to be his definitive onscreen ending, why not give it a rest? Why would you turn to the audience and go "you know who isnt here, but definitely should be here?" If you werent planning on bringing him back??

All that and mishas recent "that ended up being my last day on set" or something about the confession makes me think he was DEFINITELY in the scripts for the finale, but they decided to not bring him back after all before or while shooting the actual episode.

I dont believe the stupid covid excuse for one second, they brought in the entire crew, several extras and jim beaver (who is in a much more vulnerable age range than misha), but bringing the third lead was too risky? How dumb do you think we are lmao

Honestly it doesnt even matter if the scripts are real or fake, i already knew all this and i wont ever stop being mad about it lol

[purplesurveys]

1277

Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to?  Ooooh moving forward, probably Angela hahahaha I have no idea how I’d break it to her if ever I do start seeing somebody again. She’s well aware of all the shit that I let slide so she might get intense with the scrutineering.

What is the most exciting thing about your life right now?  Just the fact that I feel on top of the world these days. My days of being depressed and picking at my insecurities seem to be far behind me and the change has looked to be apparent coming from friends who’ve told me I seem happier, louder these days.

What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school?  To not be scared to fight harder for the things you believe in or what make up your identity, coming from having to hide a same-sex relationship during that period. That feeling of being constricted and having to hide to stay on some conservative seniors’ good graces really pissed me off so high school was really crucial in letting me discover just how much I’d be willing to fight and test the waters to be able to live as me.

Have you ever had a job that deeply affected your personal life? How so and do you still work there?  Hmm no, not really. If anything my job is one of the things that helped make me a lot livelier and happier.

Do you have a “one who got away”?  It felt that way at the start when my view was still skewed, but it didn’t take long until I realized she was not a loss at all.

If you were in a superhero movie, would you be the hero or the villain? Hero.

If you found a mouse in your house, would you be frightened?  Mice or rats are the literal worst fucking thing I could see in my house. I definitely see myself making a big deal out of it lmao, especially rats.

Have you ever tried to perform magic tricks?  Nobody ever taught me, so no.

Can you do more with a yo-yo than just "go up and down"? Nah, which kinda makes me feel ashamed because considering it was a Filipino who invented the modern yo-yo, I feel like it should be my responsibility to know a few tricks LOL.

What is one form of technology that you wouldn't be able to live without?  Instant messenger.

Did you get an allowance, growing up? Why or why not?  Starting high school. Before that I was living in our family’s duplex, so my grandma could make packed meals for all of us – not to mention the fact that my parents were also still on their way to establishing themselves at their respective workplaces so we weren’t all that well-off yet. 

When we moved into our own place, we started with my mom making our meals but eventually it just proved to be time-consuming and a lot of work considering she also had a job to go to. With that and the fact that both my parents at that point already got a couple of promotions, we switched to allowance.

Would you rather go to a water park or an amusement park? Why?  Amusement parks though I would only probably head to the safer rides and food stalls with all the deep-fried offerings haha. I cannot handle more intense rides. On the other hand, water parks have always sounded nasty to me.

What is one instrument you wouldn't mind learning how to play?  Piano.

What's the longest amount of time you've had to wait in line for something?  The stupid LTO, because you can never count on government agencies to be efficient. Technically my whole time in there took a couple of stages, but all in all I spent eight hours there.

What is something that you would like to learn more about?  Korean. I just graduated from my Basic Korean 1 class but I already have plans to enroll in the following course, since I seemed to do well and I want to keep the momentum going.

What is something that one of your family member collects?  Mom has a large collection of chef-themed figurines and other sorts of trinkets like a chef timer, shot glasses, etc - but mostly the figurines - that she has displayed in a glass case. I should keep that in mind for when I start Christmas shopping, actually...she hasn’t updated that collection in a long time. Thanks for the idea!

Have you ever moved to a new school before? If so, how did it feel?  No, not in the middle of the same period since I went to the same school from kinder to high school for 14 years. I only “moved” when I started college. Like I’ve said in previous surveys, it felt freeing to finally not under be the hands of an environment ran by...well, Catholics. It was a culture shock to see rallies everywhere, to find out I could wear short shorts or even go to school naked if I wanted to, and to see boys in my class (I went to an all-girls), but it was all the good kind of shock.

Have you ever legitimately forgotten to do homework?  Always, because I never wrote them down.

Do you enjoy autumn leaves or spring flowers more? Why?  I experience neither season.

Depending on where you live, why might a day of school get canceled? Typhoon.

If you could meet any fictional character from a book, who would it be? Melanie Hamilton from Gone with the World.

What are some common places that people tour when they come to your city?  I rarely see foreigners here since my area isn’t particularly known for tourism; most go to the island provinces like Cebu, Aklan, Palawan, etc. If I had to recommend spots here, I’d tell them to go for Pinto and maybe the rooftop bars that offer a view of Manila’s skyline. 

What's one food that you did not enjoy as a child, but do as an adult?  Chicken curry, which I used to dread.

Would you rather have a mermaid tail, a fairy's wings or a unicorn's horn? I guess the wings just because I feel like it’s the only practical one.

What is an animal that you'd like to have as a pet but it's not allowed?  I don’t think that way about animals I can’t keep as pets anyway.

What are some things that you do to make the world a better place?  I always clean up at restaurants (my mom doesn’t understand why I do it because “the servers are here for a reason, Robyn”) but I always see the relief on their faces when they see I’ve stacked up the plates and cups so I don’t see a reason to stop doing it. I keep the door open for people who happen to enter/exit a building the same time as me, share dog adoption posts, don’t make a fuss about or towards a shop staff who messes up...things like that. I hope it’s able to help, even if just in a small way.

Has the last person you had sex with ever had sex with someone besides you?  I don’t know. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has already.

What’s your favorite store at your mall?  We have several malls within the vicinity but I like frequenting NCAT.

Have you ever done a workout DVD?  No but my mom is fond of those.

Who usually takes out the trash in your family?  Either of my parents.

What song are you currently obsessed with?  My Universe is soooooo good. It’s Coldplay’s classic sound but they somehow managed to perfectly blend in BTS’ style as well, so I love how it turned out.

When you go fishing, do you make someone else get the fish off the hook?  I've never gone fishing.

Do you take any prescription meds?  Nope.

What happens if you don’t take them?  Who was the last person you dreamt about?  My dad.

Do you prefer your tea sweetened or unsweetened?  Sweetened, though I don’t usually actively look for iced tea. I’d have it if it was served, but I don’t typically order it for myself.

How often do you honk your horn?  As long as I am annoyed, which gives my mom a mini heart attack every time because she insists I just let people have their way to avoid getting into fights. Sometimes when she’s driving and someone’s being stupid on the road I lurch forward to do the honking for her and it pisses her off soooooooooo much but it also gets the job done so *shrug*

Do you have any children? If so, names and ages? I don’t.

Have your parents ever witnessed you doing something inappropriate? What?  TMI but I almost got caught doing the m-word once but my reflexes were at lightning speed that day so when my door opened I was able to fix myself up and appear as though nothing was happening lol. My mom also saw a hickey on me once but I was able to veer the conversation away when she started inquiring.

Did you get babysat a lot as a kid?  No, I did the babysitting.

If you were the principal of a school, what would you do differently? Actually deal with teachers who mistreat or make issues towards their students. I had several teachers I know didn’t like me but I could never do anything about it because there was no way in hell the school was going to take my side.

Are you doing anything fun tomorrow?  Continued from yesterday. If I took this question yesterday to refer to today I would’ve answered yes because we actually have a really fun PR stunt scheduled for execution today, wherein we get to sponsor someone’s whole wedding from food to flowers to the host and fillm crew :D :D But tomorrow is just Monday so the real answer to this is no.

What is something you'd like to receive as a housewarming gift?  I dunno the usual housewarming gifts, but I would appreciate anything practical, or anything that you’ll need at the least expected times, like batteries or even like Sticky Tack.

How old were you when you first experienced the effects of puberty?  Oooh I was an early bird – I was 9 when I could first tell my first period was on its way; it came a month after I turned 10.

What is your least favorite holiday, and why?  I don’t dislike any holiday because they all mean a day off work lol.

What were some outdoor games you played as a child?  We usually played piko (hopscotch), our local version of freeze tag that we dubbed “Ice ice water” for whatever reason, and a garter game that we call 10-20. Dodgeball was a favorite during recess and lunch, too.

Did you accompany your parents on "Take Your Child to Work" Day? That’s not observed here, but my mom did use to take me and my siblings to her first workplace. Are cemeteries peaceful to you, or do they freak you out?  They’re actually more interesting to me than anything else. I like learning about the different lives of many different people, even if I only technically know them by their birthday and date of death. Sometimes the inscriptions would be more detailed and tell more about their life, sometimes I’d come across babies who only lived a few days...and it’s just interesting to have those glimpses into life.

Which ancient civilization would you be interested in learning more about?  Filipino, because Western colonization destroyed proof of most of it. 

Do you have better long-term memory or short-term memory?  Long.

What was the last situation that made you cry? Describe.  I cried this morning. Nothing bad or heavy, I just found myself thinking again about my mental state last year.

Which forest animal would you be most afraid to encounter?  Anything that wouldn’t hesitate to tear my limbs apart.

Do you believe in anything supernatural? (ie: spirits, etc)  No.

Has anyone close to you ever gone to war?  No. The closest link I have to the military, other than my dead great-grandfather, is Angela’s uncle who’s like a general or like a colonel or something, idk titles.

Have you ever experienced altitude sickness?  Yeah, occasionally. Pressure in the ear is a bigger nuisance to me, though.

Is there anything, any event, you wish you could remember more clearly?  The last time I saw my grandfather. My only clear memory of him that day was stepping out of the house to leave (my mom and I were visiting) and him sending me off with the message to always be kind and good. If I had known I would never see him again, I never would’ve left.

Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet?  Hmm no, not that I can recall.

If you had to get advice from someone of the opposite sex, who would you go to?  I’d go to Hans for certain advice, but not for every single situation. He’s the only person that comes to mind.

What was the last new food/drink that you tried?  So last Wednesday I finally got to try this Instagram-based doughnut shop that I’ve been eyeing since August and it turned out to be even MUCH BETTER THAN EXPECTEDDDDDD. Like yeah their photos were always mouthwatering but I didn’t expect it to taste as good as it looks, since most pretty food I’ve encountered usually end up just tasting meh. Anywho, I got two orders of their sampler box and they served me their specialty bacon doughnut, signature brown butter, and a bunch of their chocolate and peanut butter variants and I loved every single fucking thing.

Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better?  Oh it’s hard to tell, it’s only 9:05 AM. Both days might be uneventful, though.

Have you ever played Sudoku?  I don’t actually get how to play it hahaha. I feel like I’m too stupid for sudoku.

Do you ever take surveys for money?  I tried it last year when applying for jobs was still a bitch for me, but the thing is most of those surveys look for employed participants so there was rarely ever a survey that fit me anyway.

Do you like Barbie or Bratz better?  Bratz.

Do you prefer purple or green grapes?  I don’t like grapes.

Who was the last person that made you laugh?  Idk, probs one of the boys since I was watching videos of them earlier today.

Where does your best friend live?  A nearby city.

Who did you last confide in?  Angela.

Does your car have an alarm?  Sure.

Where was your mom born?  Somewhere in Metro Manila.

What can always make you feel better no matter what?  My dogs.

What is something you’ll never eat again? Why?  I don’t think there is anything. I feel like I’m always bound to retry things and that I would be open to doing so, even fruits. One thing I’m firm about never drinking again, though, is coconut water. Get that SHIT away from me.

What is currently happening that is scaring you?  I’m not feeling scared these days.

Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say?  Probably. But nothing sticks out.

[okayto]

Mini-Review: Handa-kun

Handsome teenage calligrapher Sei Handa is worshiped by all his classmates as an aloof superstar--too bad Sei's inherent negativity and neurotic personality make him believe that everyone actually hates him.

A comedy of errors! It’s so ridiculous, but it knows it’s being ridiculous, I cannot help but love it!

The entire series derives humor from

1) everyone is impressed by Handa-kun! He’s a notable calligrapher! And handsome! And polite! No matter who you are, you have reasons to believe that Handa-kun is the best at whatever you do--whether you’re the class rep who enjoys class repping, or a thug who likes fighting, etc.

2) Handa, due to an old prank by a friend, believes that everyone hates his guts and interprets literally everything through that lens. He gets nominated to be class rep? Obviously because no one wants to do it so they’ll foist it on him. He gets pushed out of the classroom after school? Sure, they said it’s so he can go focus on his calligraphy, but clearly it’s because they hate being around him!

This 12-episode series is the adaptation of a manga, which was the prequel to a series called Barakamon. Barakamon (which came first) is a comedic slice-of-life following young-adult city-boy Sei Handa who’s been exiled to the countryside to calm his nerves and find inspiration for his calligraphy. (And then there’s culture clashes, the city boy not knowing how to do anything, and found family.) It’s a sweet series with its own humor, but it’s very different from Handa-kun, so if you’re already familiar with Barakamon, this series is much more slapstick.

School fan clubs are common in anime, but here we get the Handa Force, a group of 4 classmates who have been inspired by Handa and 3/4 of whom believe he’s a genius of unmatched levels.

The fourth member is an average student, who, besides Handa’s one friend who was responsible for making him believe the they-hate-you thing in the first place, is the only student who actually figures out that Handa is just...shy, and nervous and stressed, and that his schoolmates are ascribing motivation that he doesn’t have and are just making Handa’s anxiety worse. And yet, he’s never able to convey this to Handa (or the others) in a way that doesn’t already fit with what they believe, and thus the cycle continues.

It’s a simple gag, but I laughed so much while watching. I loved how it addresses the “why doesn’t someone just explain what’s going on” problem, because if it could be solved that simply, it would just be frustrating to watch. (Y’all know I hate those sort of communication issues.)

Instead, it’s made obvious: the only person who can really explain is old friend Kawafuji, who intended it as a prank in middle school, but Handa’s innocent spirit believed him so hard he couldn’t take it back. And also, he thinks the whole thing is frikkin hilarious. He’ll explain everything...someday, but for now he’s enjoying the show.

(Handa, for his part, think he’s so unpopular that he refuses to be publicly seen with Kawafuji so Kawafuji won’t suffer by association. This also conveniently means that no one will ask Kawafuji any questions, so nobody is telling lies directly to anyone else, it’s all just everyone going from 0-60 on assumptions.)

There are other characters, but no one has made gifs I can find of the guy whose face almost matches Handa’s and impersonates him for a while, or the athlete who thinks Handa is his nemesis, or the girl who dedicates herself to “erasing” any other girl who dares to get close, or the teacher who gets steadily scruffier as the year goes on...

Verdict

English dub? Yes! They’re all great! I didn’t consciously think about their voices for the entire time I watched, which is good--it means everyone sounded like they fit their character.

Visuals: Light and brightly colored, with good character designs that are distinct enough to make everyone easy to tell apart.

Worth watching? Yes, if you like wacky humor. This was just so ridiculous to me and I liked the predictability that everything would end with everyone having the same ideas (Handa is Great at Everything group vs. Handa’s self-isolation). There was no attempt to make this a deep drama: it set out to be silly, and it did it very well. Plus, at 12 episodes, it doesn’t have time to get stale.

Where to watch (USA, as of June 2020): Funimation (sub and dub)

Click my “reviews” tag below or search “mini review” on my blog to find more!

[sapphicunicorn]

Docile by K.M. Szpara (science fiction/gay)

Docile is a science fiction parable about love and sex, wealth and debt, abuse and power, a challenging tour de force that at turns seduces and startles. To be a Docile is to be kept, body and soul, for the uses of the owner of your contract. To be a Docile is to forget, to disappear, to hide inside your body from the horrors of your service. To be a Docile is to sell yourself to pay your parents' debts and buy your children's future. Elisha Wilder’s family has been ruined by debt, handed down to them from previous generations. His mother never recovered from the Dociline she took during her term as a Docile, so when Elisha decides to try and erase the family’s debt himself, he swears he will never take the drug that took his mother from him. Too bad his contract has been purchased by Alexander Bishop III, whose ultra-rich family is the brains (and money) behind Dociline and the entire Office of Debt Resolution. When Elisha refuses Dociline, Alex refuses to believe that his family’s crowning achievement could have any negative side effects—and is determined to turn Elisha into the perfect Docile without it.

TW: rape

I think we all can agree by now that I love hype trains. Whether it’s a video game or a book, or even an anime, I will find that hype train and join it and cherish it… until the day of reckoning appears. Let’s not bring names into this but we all know what happened with a certain science fiction video game, how it promised to bring something new and exciting with beautiful graphics and unexplored worlds. Docile is my No Man’s Sky. I want so much to love this book for the promises it made, and yet the execution left me empty. Besides the listed dub-con, which I could easily skip over while reading, everything sounded exciting and I thought we would explore this dystopian world of debt and dismantle the system. When I finished Docile and closed the book, my actual words were: “Yikes.”

I’m going to spoil the ending right now and no, I’m not sorry. They get together in the end! Now let me explain why I hate this. Why it’s the stupidest ending possible. Why it makes a book that I could stomach absolutely make my skin crawl. We follow Elisha Wilder as he applies to become a Docile, a person willing to give up autonomy in order to work off debt. They’re only given seven rights, one of which is to refuse a drug called Dociline. Dociline turns a person mindless; they’re totally compliant to any order and the drug is supposed to help erase memories of their traumatizing term. Because Elisha’s family has a bad history with Dociline, his mother still walking around like a drone after working her term, he decides he’ll refuse the injection. Alexander Bishop III is the heir to the Dociline company. While he’s working on a new serum, he’s informed he needs to take on a Docile because… boardroom politics? Which is how he finds Elisha. Alex is riding on the hope that he can ignore his new Docile while pleasing the board of directors and continue his work on the new Dociline serum--until Elisha, exercising one of his remaining rights, refuses Dociline. Alex uses this as an opportunity to prove he’s capable of anything, including stripping a man of his right to his own body and mind without the use of Dociline. If he can do that, surely he can run the company in the near future. Later in the book, Alex has nearly molded Elisha into the perfect slave when Alex has his “change of heart” after the major traumatizing event. Major, but not the first. Elisha still has nightmares--screaming-himself-awake, apologizing-for-interrupting-Alex’s-sleep kind of nightmares--from a previous experience and yet Alex never, over the months they’re together, gets him help. But at this point, Elisha is so broken he truly believes he’s in love with Alex. He believes Alex punishing him is his form of love and Elisha pours his heart out because he literally cannot function without Alex. Immediately after this event, when Alex should be worrying about Elisha’s physical state (but not mental, because this was what Alex wanted), he decides to end the contract and take Elisha back to his family--where Elisha has already been rejected once. Abandoned, broken, Elisha is expected to become a normal human again. Here’s the thing: there’s no dub-con. There’s no dubious consent anywhere in this book. It’s rape, plain and simple. Alex rapes Elisha as a means to control him, every single time. Don’t even consider there’s romance--don’t shelve it with your romance novels, don’t mark it on Goodreads as romance, don’t tell your friends it has romance. If you think this deserves to be marketed as a “dark romance,” just don’t. Please. Don’t even put this in with your BDSM books. One of my guilty reading pleasures is the BDSM genre. I do my research, figure out if the authors are really part of the lifestyle, and make informed purchases. I have many, many books that feature what could be considered “dark romance” and even live-in submissives. I’m not trying to climb onto a high horse while discussing Docile. I’m not trying to sound “holier than thou” or as if I don’t like the book because I’m too busy clutching my pearls. I’m saying if you come to Docile expecting it to resemble a BDSM dynamic--like many other reviews claim--it doesn’t. This is a story about slavery, not submission. Personally, I feel like this reads as a futuristic companion to C.S. Pacat’s Captive Prince--another story about rape and slavery, with the exception that Captive Prince had some world building. Docile does not. We see both condensed sides of the debt system--as a Docile with Elisha, as a Patron with Alex--and we’re told about the ways Dociles are protected, how Patrons have to check in every few months and give their Dociles family visits. We’re told about debtors’ prison. We’re told about hordes of Dociles living in Alex’s facility. We’re told about the wasteland where Elisa lived outside the city--was that ever explained? And we’re introduced to Empower Maryland, the underground rebellion, who I thought for sure would start to dismantle this system. Instead, we get courtroom drama thanks to them. But this dystopian world is never expanded on! I appreciated the dual POV. I feel we needed the chance to see Alex explain himself, but it doesn’t redeem him. Personally I felt both POVs were similar; sometimes I’d forget who we were following because the voices were nearly indistinguishable. Neither POV felt "real." They simply filled in their roles. And the ending--holy heavens above, the ending. It majorly upset me because it’s not responsible at all. Stockholm syndrome does not make a relationship! Do you truly want to love your abuser? You want to try a “real” relationship with a man who enslaved you and broke you? There’s no middle ground--Alex and Elisha cannot ever, in any form of fiction, have a real relationship. I’d have liked it more if Alex had shaken Elisha’s hand and thanked him for a few life lessons he’s late to learn. I’d have enjoyed it way more if Elisha spat in Alex’s face. Neither character grew from their situations. If we had avoided the ending, maybe gone with an ending where Elisha gives Alex a verbal lashing and walks away, then I’d say they learned something. Elisha falling into Alex’s arms after everything that happened is just irresponsible. Elisha blatantly admits he can’t tell if he’s in love with Alex or if he’s still brainwashed! But sure, let’s try a “real” relationship! In my opinion, there is only one redeeming quality in Docile. Between Elisha and Alex, we see two different families. Elisha’s big and caring, and flawed. Alex’s small, mostly friends, and carefully planned. Everything Elisha did, he did for his family. Although they turned against him after becoming a Docile, by the end, they were supportive and helped how they could. And when Alex’s family turned against him, he found comfort and support in his friends. All in all, Docile isn’t a bad read. It’s just boring, bland. The high society parties weren’t anything special. The pseudo-science is easily forgivable. The courtroom drama went on for so long and it felt like it didn’t really belong. It was just an odd ending to everything that happened--especially Elisha and Alex getting together. Yikes.

[vexus-u]

Anti discourse is eating fandom from the inside-out at the moment. This sort of thing is everywhere in the past few years, because the minority of people who gun hard for that sort of thing are so widespread, self-assured, and so ready to drop vile accusations at the drop of a hat that they are almost impossible to ignore.

I feel like a lot of people see this going on but don’t want to talk about it or comment on it, because they’ve seen the sort of fire that can be drawn if you don’t toe the line absolutely. People skirt the issue, or avoid talking about it, because really, who does want to deal with that whole mess? Who wants to risk the backlash? And then there are the folks who haven’t engaged closely enough to see through the buzzwords; the people who see a post that proclaims that it’s condemning “real pedophiles”, and like any outsider rightly would, thinks, “oh God, that’s awful!” and clicks reblog.

It’s a good camouflage, maybe even the best. I feel like these people might even have one-upped the TERF posts claiming to rail against misogyny, but by analogy at least I think people can be shown what’s really going on.

If we are going to make fandom a safer and less toxic place, I think we need to start facing this behavior head-on and stop averting our gaze as a community. As an individual it’s hard, I know. But there are real world consequences; self harm, mental illness, and suicide attempts (believe me when I say that I know from experience), that cannot be swept aside as easily as antis/fandom police can proclaim that anyone who disagrees with them simply deserves to die. If you’ve ever had tangential contact with that sort of discourse and have internalized what these people say as the norm, I think it would benefit you to take a step back and realize how unhealthy a mentality that is to have. It’s easy to denounce anyone who questions you as a degenerate unworthy of life. Makes things a lot easier for you, but I think that we all know where that can lead.

If you are reading this and truly are unaware of what I’m talking about, let me give you a brief run-down. I don’t have the time or the stomach to jump into this discourse as deep as the rabbit-hole goes, but I will give some context as to where I am speaking from. I am a queer woman with clinical OCD. So called anti-shipping/anti-fic/fandom purity discourse started appearing in my sphere round about four years ago, and pretty much nothing since has been as dangerous to my mental health. I cannot begin to sum up how much self-hate and anguish this sort of gaslighting has resulted in for me, but let me tell you, it’s been bad. My compulsion to deal with this sort of thing tends to manifest as anxious research, and so, trust me. I know what I’m talking about here.

Namely, if you are a complete outsider, there is a school of thought that has taken root in certain younger fan communities, among groups that feel like they lack control over the world at large. As fandom is often the main community that these folks have (I counted myself among that crowd), this frustration has evolved into an reactionary ideology that takes ideas about the cultural impact of fictional works in our society to ludicrous, absurd extremes.

Ideas about poor portrayals having the potential to convey negative ideas to a reader have evolved into the creation of a code of morals that frames any interaction with fiction as a form of moral advocacy for that which it contains. Shipping is reframed as an expression of beliefs about desirable relationship dynamics. Depictions of abuse are reframed as advocacy for abuse. The concept of romanticization, which usually is only applied to ideas in the context of otherwise contextless mainstream works without prior warnings, is transformed into an indictment of any depiction of any that could be perceived as harmful which is not followed by an explicit condemnation of said act. This becomes even more absurd when you consider that these attacks are often aimed at fanfiction which has already been tagged with explicit warnings for the reader. Always invoked to justify this is the spectre of “negative influence on the children”, but this is both neither the responsibility of random internet users operating in adult-tagged spaces, and also, as with the video game violence scare of the 90s, mostly unjustified fearmongering.

Perhaps even worse, this logic is extended to fictional elements that might be thought to recall certain negative ideas in the mind of the reader. Short characters are, fairly offensively, dubbed “child-coded”, and it is verboten to include them in any adult works. Similarly, adult AUs of younger characters which include sexual content are condemned simply because the characters concerned were initially portrayed by a different author as younger! This leads into a deeper rabbit hole, where fictional characters, who are plot figments with no “real” version or portrayal, are effectively reframed as if they were actual people, who can be harmed by the way that they are portrayed in fanfic. In some extreme fringe cases, I have actually seen this been expressed literally; by invocation of alternate realities in which fiction is real, or through otherkin.

These people will claim glibly that they are fighting against real abusers, and who would want to hear what a dirty abuser might say in response? But don’t be fooled. This lens is almost solely turned back on people in fandom communities who are most vulnerable, and is driven by an underlying fear of sex, sexuality, queer expression, and perceived “degeneracy”. Any slight excuse to construe a transformative work as impure is taken as license to reframe the author or artist as scum, and therefore worthy of the harassment they will ultimately receive. Tellingly, the most affected groups are often queer women, and this sort of thing can and does destroy lives and careers. Moreover, the vicious cycle of social pressure and retribution for stepping out of line ensures that this toxic ideology holds people who step into it in its grip, lest they be expunged from their communities. Sight is lost of the fact that, at the end of the day, all that the perpetrator is guilty of is creating fanwork that some people might find distasteful.

There’s a lot more to say which I won’t, but I will stress again that the harm that this sort of thing is doing cannot be underestimated. It’s an insidious and toxic mode of thought that seeps into communities through the buzzwords it leverages - accuse somebody of being a pedophile and people pay attention! But these words are being misused, and this discourse distracts from actual predators even as it is cause for unjustified targets to be suicide baited, driven from fandom spaces, and vindictively destroyed. People who already suffer from mental health issues, and especially anxiety disorders such as OCD, can be driven to self-destruction by the repeated accusations and gaslighting. We need to remind people that these behaviors are not normal, are not the righteous causes they present themselves as, and are not tolerated. In fandom communities particularly, I honestly believe that this issue is one of the most insidious and dangerous that we currently face. Fandom has become nominally progressive, at the expense of trojan horse ideologies such as the anti/purity discourse positioning themselves as too risky to shout down.

I think it is time to stop turning a blind eye, recognize what is happening in our communities, deradicalize the people who are responsible for the harassment, and try to fix some of the damage that has already been done.

[robottii]

Prowl aaaaaand Jazz? :D

x

U little devil u just want me to rant about how amazing these two are again, huh?

Jazz

Overall: *accidentally drops thousands of pictures of them*

More like a thousand pictures (including my lock screen), 14 essays on why he’s the best character with subsections like “best representation of a minority” and “best potential for complex character”, 3 petitions of making him a main character in the Knightverse and 2 for IDW2, as well as a printed & signed copy of my favorite ProwlJazz origin fic

Opinion: sinnamon roll

Let’s be real Jazz has probably the blackest record of all the Autobots but is somehow still the unproblematic fav bc he’s so fuckkin KIND to everyone not wearing a Decepticon symbol

OTP: ProwlJazz

You saw this coming from a mile away honey, ProwlJazz is one of my oldest, favorite ships of all time. We’re talking like pre-TF prime, when G1 and IDW were the dominating ‘verses.

#notp: Any ship not with Prowl Soundwave/Jazz

This is the only ship I’ve seen come up enough to be noteworthy that I actually take issue with. I actually really like Soundwave but I’m picky about my cross-faction ships, for a lot of reasons that span space and time. Mostly though I think it’s because a lot of the fics I’ve seen with this ship have them in an abusive/dub-con relationship where Decepticons have won and Jazz is Soundwave’s slave, so maybe it’s like Pavlov conditioning idk.

Crack!ship: None?

I know this is sort of a boring response, but like I said I don’t really ship Prowl and Jazz with anyone but each other. I think it’s just because they’re literally such a good match I cannot even picture any alternatives lmao. No shade on ppl who ship him with others, obv, just my opinion.

fav headcanon: Jazz is really good with all kinds of trauma survivors

Okay so Jazz has seen the worst sentient beings have to offer, by which I mean WORST. He hasn’t come out unscathed, but rather than letting it make him jaded and pessimistic, he funneled the anger into helping people who’ve survived being hurt by the people they cared about. He’s really good with emotions and reading people in general, so he’s good with helping people work out deep emotional scars. Abuse, PTSD, rape survivors, you name it and he’s good with them and always willing to help.

Prowl

Overall: I love him

Okay setting aside the Prowl who was butchered and destroyed in the later IDW comics, the original Prowl is one I love with all my heart. He’s great representation of someone with a mental disorder who is high-functioning, which we don’t get nearly enough of in today’s age. He’s also intelligent, patient, and kind (once again, ignoring the later IDW characterization).

Opinion: sinnamon roll

There wasn’t really a good option for Prowl, he’s got dirt on his hands but it was from making tough decisions war requires you to make, not necessarily with evil intentions. I don’t think he’s problematic though (once again, ignoring the later IDW characterization), so I’m assigning sinnamon roll. I have dubbed thee sinnamon roll, Prowl. You may rise.

OTP: see above

NOTP: Any ship not with Jazz  Arcee/Prowl

Arcee is my butch lesbian goddess and Prowl is the gayest lawful good to ever exist and I will fight every single one of you come at me

Crack!Ship: Prowl/Starscream

And you’re ugly Prowl was all it took.

Fav Headcanon: Prowl is a HUGE believer in the Black Lives Matter movement. 

He believes the law is there to serve and protect, and lethal force should only be used as an absolute last resort. The idea that someone would use their power to prey on innocent people who could not fight back and get away with it utterly infuriates him. And based on skin color? Imagine if cybertronians with red paint job were more likely to get murdered by the bots who were supposed to protect them than ones with grey paint jobs? When Jazz returned from Earth and updated Prowl on what was happening and why the BLM movement had to spring up Prowl was furious for weeks.

[incandescent-eden]

At The Ballet [AU Edvron]

Desc: Devron has always found the ballet beautiful, and there is none as lovely as his significant other, Eden, the primo of the Royal Ballet. After all, how can Eden blame him for wanting to be more like them? Eden disagrees completely. As they share an afternoon, Devron cannot help but marvel at his relationship with Eden. 

TW/CW: body stuff, slightly derogatory/abrasive language

Word Count: 2246

“No.” Eden’s voice was flat.

Devron gasped, pretending to swoon, as he lay back on the floor by Eden’s bed. “No what? I have done nothing wrong.”

 Eden scoffed, raising an eyebrow. Their gray eyes flickered from the pointe shoes on the bed to Devron’s hand resting innocently on his stomach. “Liar.”

 “What? I haven’t technically done anything wrong. Yet.”

“You were thinking it, that’s bad enough.”

Devron sat up lazily, leaning on the plush blankets as Eden sat on the bed next to his elbow, rubbing a white towel over their messy, dark curls. “I wasn’t going to wear them,” he promised.

“Good.” All the same, Eden took the shoes from the bed with one hand and carefully wrapped the straps around their bedpost.

“You’re no fun,” Devron harrumphed.

Eden slapped his hand with the towel. “Wipe that stupid grin off your face, golden boy,” they said gruffly, but they couldn’t conceal the small smirk at the corner of their mouth.

Devron only smiled wider, scooting on his knees to rest his head on Eden’s lap. “I can’t help smiling when I’m happy. That’s what people do when they’re happy, Eden. Just because you have a permanent scowl on your face doesn’t mean I have to.”

Eden snorted. “If you’re gonna start some sappy bullshit like ‘Oooh, Eden, I’m happy just being with you,’ I want to remind you that last week, you told me I was the most insufferable, most argumentative, most cantankerous person you had ever met.” The smirk was prominent on their face by now. “I have to say, I was impressed with your big word choice, but showing off your private tutor much?”

Devron flushed. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he said quickly, lifting his head off Eden’s lap so quickly and with such force that he fell on his arm. He screamed before slapping his non hurting hand over his mouth. “I wasn’t gonna… I wasn’t trying to…” he stammered.

Eden laughed, wrapping the towel over their shoulders as Devron tried to come up with an excuse. Their shoulders shook, up and down and up and down. The room itself was small and bare save for Eden’s desk, bed, and drawer, and their laugh filled it easily. It was hot, and Devron had long since removed his binder and tossed it onto Eden’s bed. The sole small window was open ajar to let in some air.

Still red-cheeked, Devron couldn’t help but smile. There was something about Eden’s laugh, not quite high and not quite low, rich like autumn: crisp and cool and sharp, but underneath it all, there was cinnamon and chocolate and apple and the warm embrace of a muffler in the chill air.

Sunlight came in through that window, yellow and weak and pale. Earlier, while Eden was bathing, Devron squinted, grimacing into the light. Since then, the sun and Devron had both changed positions, and, although unsure of the sun’s opinion on the matter, Devron was quite happy with the repositioning. As he pouted, rubbing his wrist absentmindedly to ease the pain and watching the shining silver dust drift down in the sunlight, he marveled at the pointe shoes.

They were dusky pink, specially made for Eden. Devron sighed. How romantic! Specially made silk slippers, like in a fairy tale - and Devron did not doubt the shoes very well could have been made by fairies or elves or the like. The silk shimmered in the sunlight, iridescent rose and white and green and gold, as if enticing the lazy rays of sun to dance, trapping them and rejoicing all the while. Even the dust fell in awe in a circle around them, never touching the surface of the slippers, but deferentially making way for them.

Eden fell back onto their bed with a grunt, laughter still etched faintly on their face. “You’re so stupidly romantic.”

Devron snorted. “You like that, though,” he said.

In response, Eden rolled over onto their stomach, tucking their legs up onto the bed. “Sure. Whatever you wanna believe.” Still, a smile drifted onto their lips. They rested their chin on their arms, eyes half closed. The day was the kind of stifling hot that begged for an afternoon nap, and Eden never could stay awake long after a bath.

Rolling his eyes, Devron launched himself off the floor, climbing onto the bed to sit, cross-legged, next to Eden. Warily, they peered at him.

Devron raised his hands, palms opened. “I’m sitting on this side. Away from the slippers.”

Satisfied, Eden yawned and closed their eyes.

They sat quietly. Devron scooted back against the wall, resting his head. From the outside, there came the tinkling of bells on bicycles, a few children yelling something about a ball, and the buzzing of bees around the meager pot of tiny red flowers Eden kept on the ledge and had miraculously kept alive during the past three months. There was a quiet ticking, as well, from the clock that rested haphazardly at an angle on Eden’s desk, counting the seconds as they passed.

“How many seconds do you think we’ve been together?” Devron asked, eyeing the flower pot, just visible in his line of sight.

“What.” Eden mumbled. Their eyes were still closed, their shoulders relaxed.

It was good to see them dozing off. As of late, they had been coming home so late from rehearsals that Devron had taken to falling asleep at the desk with a small oil lamp lit so they wouldn’t trip in the dark. It wasn’t Eden’s fault, of course. The closer opening night got, the more frazzled Eden became. Even the manager begged them to give their body a rest, reminding them that sleep was equally if not more important than training every day, but Eden couldn’t bring themself to do it, instead going on long walks through the city at night, counting every lamp post and flowerpot and bench they passed.

Over 20,000 lamp posts, they once told Devron proudly. I’ve counted up to 15,641 of them. Devron couldn’t complain at first; after all, it was during one of these nightly walks that Eden met him, in the park, trying and failing desperately and miserably to imitate the elegant movements of the ballerinas. Ballerinas like Eden.

Lately, though, he wished the walks would stop. That Eden would come right before the sun disappeared completely beyond the big hill opposite this tiny room. That they would return before the sky turned purple and then blue and then black with only the warm orange pinpricks of the lampposts below lighting the night and that they would just eat and rest on Devron’s shoulder and fall asleep in his arms.

“I mean, you’ve had that plant for three months,” Devron mused. “But I watched you plant it, so it’s been more than three months times however many seconds.” He paused. “Although, does it count as seconds we’ve spent together if we weren’t actually together, like literally together, for all of them? Is it seconds since we started being, you know, friends, or partners, or just seconds since we met?”

At this, Eden groaned, pushing themself up slowly. Even sitting up in bed was graceful when Eden did it. They sat back, turning to face Devron. “Stop thinking so much, idiot. What time is it?” Their eyes flitted to the clock on the desk. 6:43 in the evening. The sun would not set until later in the night, but the light streaming in was paler than it was before, more white than gold, and had taken on a dull quality. The air in the room was cooler, like the stuffy heat had cleared out, sensing it had overstayed its welcome.

“Okay,” they continued, rubbing their hair and yawning. Devron stifled a laugh, biting his lip. He saw the stray calico who often hung around by the window, and whom Eden had unofficially dubbed ‘Orange,’ do that once. “Okay, so. We’ve been together for ten months, fourteen days, seventeen hours, and fifty-eight minutes. That’s since we’ve met. I don’t know the exact seconds, so let’s not count that. In total? Probably something more than two hundred sixty-two million.”

Devron stared, slack-jawed. “You counted?”

“Well, I multiplied, more or less, I don’t have time to count every second in a day, but – ”

“No, but you counted! You counted the exact number of days since when we met?”

Eden frowned. “What? Does Mr. Romantic find that strange?”

“Not at all,” Devron straightened up gleefully. “So do you usually count the days you’ve spent with someone or…?”

“Depends, are you usually this dense, or do you reserve that for me?” Eden scowled. The tips of their ears were red, nonetheless.

“Oh no, I’m definitely usually dense,” Devron confirmed. “I just reserve a special level of dense for you. Because you mean so much to me,” he said, laughing.

Eden swatted his shoulder. “I still can’t believe you were trying to break your toes and ankles in the middle of the park when we first met.”

“I wasn’t trying to!” Devron protested. He rubbed his elbow with concern, remembering the pain that refused to fade after he hit the ground, how Eden had chastised him after seeing his clumsy attempt at a sauté.

“No, of course not,” Eden rolled their eyes. “You were just trying to go en pointe with about uhhh, let’s see, no training, in your twenties.” They grabbed Devron’s shoulders suddenly. “How could you be so stupid?”

Devron blinked. “Eden. I’m – I’m not doing it right now. I’m never going to try again. Don’t worry.”

Eden relaxed, slumping back. “Sorry. I just. I don’t get it. Why would you do that?”

“Because ballet is beautiful,” Devron said sheepishly. “I saw you on that stage, and I wanted to be like you. Everyone is beautiful at the ballet.” He shrugged. “I promise I won’t try to do pointe ever again.”

It was Eden’s turn to stare. “How could you ever think to do pointe in the first place? That kind of thing is only done through hard work and proper training. From a seriously young age. Some students never go en pointe if they aren’t ready. It’s not just a rite of passage or an elitist thing, it is actually dangerous without the proper training and proper shoes fitted just for you. Besides, how could you think ballet was beautiful?”

“Wait, what was that last part?”

“Ballet is so frustrating. It’s beautiful and awful and hard, and it’s… it’s so ugly.” They frowned.

Devron rested their head on Eden’s shoulder, taking their hand in his. The towel wrapped around their neck was soft from wear and fading. He saw how Eden would curl up on their bed after a long rehearsal. The way the sweat beaded on their forehead long after they should have cooled down, holding their feet with shaking arms. The black and brown and yellow bruises on their feet, stripes of red and angry purple across their legs and ankles from tying the tight straps of their pointe shoes. The anger and the frustration and the pain that they kept caged behind a furrowed brow and clenched teeth.

“I know,” he said softly. Eden squeezed his hand, resting their head on Devron’s.

But then there were the times when they came home glowing, a grin blazing across their face that could not be suppressed no matter how they bluffed and tried to keep cool. The days when they nailed every single jump, twirl, and leap, barely registering it as they flew and fluttered and spun like sunlight itself refracted in the water of the fountain in the town square where Devron liked to sit and feed the stray cats and pigeons during the summer. There were rehearsals Devron watched where, even without costumes or proper lighting or audience in the plush velvet seats, Eden seemed to leave a trail of stardust as they leapt through the air, leaving the air shimmering behind them with magic. And then, on actual show days, fully suited in embroidered jewels and moonlight tights and their fairy silk slippers, they straddled the world of the fairies themselves, drifting in and out of fantasy and reality. Devron saw it in the awed eyes of the audience members, dolled up in their pearls and velvets and lorgnettes as they watched Eden, enraptured.

He couldn’t think of a way to tell them all this, so instead, he said simply, “I still think you’re beautiful when you do ballet.”

Another hand squeeze. “I think you need new eyes.”

“I think you’re wrong.”

Eden hummed. They turned, kissing Devron’s hair. “Promise me something?”

Devron sighed. “I’ll never be able to do pointe?”

Eden nodded, their lips still pressed just barely against Devron’s hair. “You started too old.”

“C’est la vie, I guess.” He had no hopes of ever doing pointe, not since that first day they met ten months ago. “What do you want me to promise you?”

“That you’ll never try to do something as stupid as try to do pointe again,” Eden said softly.

“Awww, you do care!” Devron grinned, pulling away from Eden’s shoulder to smile at them.

“Shut up,” Eden said, still holding Devron’s hand in their lap. The corners of their mouth tugged upward in a small grin, though they could not look Devron in the eye.

Chuckling, Devron rested his head on Eden once more. For all their leanness, their shoulder was surprisingly soft. “I promise.”

[sideofwritingsandramblings]

A little salt, A lot of Sheith Meta

Alright... So there’s just a lot of things that have been on my mind since the big reveal. (Updated with even more meta!)

Beware there are some s7 spoilers under the cut. (And since I wrote this instead of the prompt for sheith month today I’ll use this as my entry instead @sheithmonth​ if it is considered appropriate / next)

So as probably most everyone in this fandom knows by now, Shiro has been confirmed gay with the release of the first episode of season seven. As I explained in a previous post, Shiro being confirmed queer has made me beyond excited, simply on the basis of what incredible representation this is. 

However, once again I have heard a bunch of people (honestly... probably not actual sheith shippers) yelling “Sheith is dead” because of Shiro’s ex-boyfriend. Well, first of all, it is an ex-boyfriend according to the vld staff. And, while I will admit I have not seen the full episode nor will I seek out any more spoilers, I can still say with full confidence that Sheith is not dead. Which, honestly, I think most Sheith shippers would agree.

(Also, side point: a ship cannot even “die” like... the point of shipping is looking at two characters and thinking they would be interesting together regardless of canon.)

Anyways, I’m just going to go ahead and break down exactly why I actually believe Sheith to be closer to canon than ever before.

I usually never have hope for a canonically queer ship, mostly because I’ve learned to not expect it. Voltron, however, has amazingly made me hope again. And I even dare to hope that the canonically queer ship will also be my otp.

However, my bias aside, there is plenty of evidence pointing to canon sheith. Starting with the entirety of season 6.

Like, don’t get me wrong, I was shipping Sheith from seasons 1-5 too. Keith’s very first scene in the show is his rescuing Shiro, followed by tenderly touching his face while saying his first word of the show: “Shiro?” Following this scene we see how Shiro and Keith have the deepest bond of the group and are consistently looking out for each other. In season two we have Shiro trusting Keith to succeed him as leader and the Blade of Mamora trials with the famous “Your friend desperately wants to see you.” Since then we’ve gotten hugs, tender looks, and promises of: I’ll save you “As many times as it takes.”

Despite all of this I still doubted they would become canon, but then season 6 came along. 

First of all this post which is not mine but goes in to all of this a lot, talks about how many of the romantic scenes expected for other ships happened for Sheith instead. Things like: Sheith’s bond being the focus of the season, Keith’s mom picking out Shiro because Keith told her so much about him, backstory, sacrificing themselves for one another, and even an emotional confession of “I love you.” Honestly, if we were looking at any sort of heterosexual ship, they would already be considered a couple by now.

Additionally we have seen some incredible parallels for Sheith as well. Both with Sheith and Keith’s parents and with Zaggar. On one hand we have the very similarly animated rescue scene between Keith’s dad and Krolia vs Keith rescuing Shiro in episode one. On the other hand, we have the very telling jaw-dropped reaction of Shiro with Keith and Zarkon with Honerva.

And now, with the new information from season 7, it adds a whole other layer to Shiro’s reaction. We were joking about his stuttering and complete focus on Keith during that scene was him being a gay disaster. But the truth is he is a confirmed gay disaster. Literally, how else do you explain that scene? Plus, while I know the 2 year jump wasn’t some move by the showrunners to address the “too big of an age gap” claims, I still think it’s an important moment for Shiro. Shiro has never treated Keith like a kid in the series, and they have been shown to be best friends and reliant on each other since the beginning. But I genuinely believe that this moment was when Shiro realized that Keith really has gotten older/more mature/(hotter). “You really have changed,” Shiro said. 

And, if we take the parallels a step further (and while some people may call it a stretch, I personally really enjoy this one). We all know how Lauren and Joaquim also worked on Legend of Korra, another show that pushed for lgbt rep and that ended with canon Korrasami  The ending scene of which had a very visually similar theme repeated in Voltron. A pillar of light between the two queer characters.

But, regardless of all the observed parallels and incredibly heartfelt moments, we now have an interesting problem(?) on our hands: the introduction of Shiro’s ex-boyfriend Adam. I will reiterate that I have not actually seen the new episode in full (and correct me if I’m wrong), but a lot of the episode’s focus is on pre-Kerberos backstory.

Within this backstory we meet Adam, someone Shiro loves and cares for deeply, to the point that they were practically (if not actually?) fiances. However, as Shiro deals with a chronic illness and pursues his dream of piloting in space anyways, Adam leaves Shiro and tells Shiro that he will not wait for him.

Now, from this information alone I immediately believe that Adam is meant to foil Keith. Where Adam (for whatever reasons, good or bad) could not stand by Shiro through everything, Keith has repeatedly proven he will do anything to protect Shiro and stay by his side.

Additionally, from a narrative standpoint, it really wouldn’t make sense to make Shadam endgame. Now it is true that anything is possible in 26 episodes. It could turn out that Shiro will have his reconciliation with Adam on Earth and they will get back together. In the event that this happens, (and if it happens in a way that is healthy and is good for Shiro), I hope everyone will support the relationship regardless of ships. Because that will still be amazing representation!

However, I doubt that would happen. Simply because we have never heard of Adam before. If the vld staff was shooting for this big queer couple for a while, why only mention him in the last 26 episodes? Especially since a majority of the episodes of season 7 (I assume) will be them just trying to get to Earth, leaving very few to flesh out a Shiro/Adam story. From a story-telling standpoint Shiro should have been talking about or mentioning Adam from the start to more easily introduce this couple to the audience. However, Adam only gets brought up when Shiro has to face the reality that he is making it back to Earth and there is a chance he will see Adam again.

[Edit: Plus, just think of how much has changed since Shiro left. He has been imprisoned for a year by the Galra and forced to fight, had his arm replaced with a robotic prosthetic, been experimented on, has become part of a universe-defending team fighting in an intergalactic war, literally died, spent who knows how long as just a consciousness in a giant robot space cat, and then revived and given the memories of a cloned version of himself. He’s been through a lot. And who knows what Shiro’s gone through better than Keith?

Adam, on the other hand, has most likely had no idea what happened. If I assume this correctly, for this entire time Shiro’s been gone, Adam has believed Shiro to not only be dead, but responsible for the Kerberos mission’s failure. I would assume when the mission was called Pilot Error, Adam would have had his fears confirmed: by taking the Kerberos mission despite being ill, Shiro put his life and the crew’s lives in danger. I honestly cannot even imagine how Adam must have reacted when he heard the news. I honestly can’t wait to see how he reacts to Shiro being alive. 

After everything they’ve gone through, will they really be able to rekindle that old flame so easily?]

Additionally, we can argue that season 6 was one of the biggest Sheith seasons of the series. We got that two year age jump with Keith that has Shiro reacting like the disaster gay he is. Plus, Shiro’s reaction to Keith saying “I love you” (while not reacting to the “you’re my brother” line) still sticks with me, along with Keith refusing to let go and accepting to fall to his death with Shiro. We got Keith astral projecting himself by screaming Shiro’s name and then cradling Shiro in his arms in the last five minutes of the season. And to now immediately follow up that season (that was so focused on Shiro and Keith’s bond) with a confirmation that Shiro is gay? I really don’t think that’s a coincidence.

[Edit: Not to mention how I’ve seen multiple posts going around talking about the different dubs. One being the German dub’s ich liebe dich, which is apparently for a stronger/more profound love than ich habe dich lieb. And of course, the Japanese dub’s aishiteru which is also much deeper than the more commonly used daisuki. Like, if you’ve ever watched subbed anime, confession scenes will almost never use aishiteru. Aishiteru is rarely used because it denotes a deeper love akin to saying “I am in love with you from the bottom of my heart.” It is almost exclusively used between romantic partners, and rarely (if ever!) used between family/friends. The choice of aishiteru over suki/daisuki is honestly incredible.]

[Edit: Also, something I wanted to add before but couldn’t find a source at first: I found this article by DenofGeek from this past February very intriguing. It said that quote: 

“Montgomery adds, ‘When we set out to make this show we wanted to make one where no one character was solely defined by being in a relationship.’ She’s quick to clarify that the Avatar and Korra characters were of course incredible and fully formed characters themselves but, ‘when we really looked at what was at stake with this show (Voltron) the relationship or romance aspect of it just didn’t feel as important as the work that they were doing to save their universe.’ Both showrunners don’t rule out the possibility of it happening down the line, but only if it happens naturally within the story. ‘We’re not going to try to just put it in there for the sake of needing romance in the story,’ Montgomery explains.”

The parts I bolded were what stood out to me from this article/interview. The showrunners have never wanted the focus to be just on relationships. The focus has, and always will be, on these characters defending the universe together. However, they will include romance if it happens naturally within the story. I really believe that if we were looking for a naturally developing relationship in the show it would be Sheith, and not between Shiro and some brand new guy (or at least new to the audience). In order to truly convince us Shadam is a good ship, the showrunners would have to focus on it a lot in the remaining two seasons. Why go through that effort when they could instead develop the relationship Keith and Shiro already have in the show?]

Not to mention, despite the introduction of Adam in the episode, the episode’s main focus was still on Shiro and Keith. The new episode has yet another Sheith hug, Keith worrying over Shiro in a pod, and many pre-Kerberos scenes (without Adam) that feature Keith and Shiro’s history. (Oh and I just got spoiled this next screenshot, there is apparently a rainbow above Keith and Shiro in one scene?! Also, it’s yet another example of a sunset as a romantic backdrop between them.) In other words, I really believe that Shiro will ultimately have his reconciliation with Adam, but they won’t get back together. Shiro will probably end up having feelings for Keith instead. 

Although, I can’t know that for sure and anything could happen. But then, I can’t help but go to stuff outside of the show as well. 

The staff have repeatedly shown support for Sheith or at least the bond between them. We have the famous “Shiro Loves you Baby #he’s looking at Keith” from Chris Palmer:

Art supervising director Kihyun Ryu drew this miracle:

And Eugene Lee’s recent Keith he drew on Chris Palmer’s Shiro’s chest like some kind of romance novel:

[Edit: And I almost forgot these two gems (which, while I know voice actor’s don’t have much control of the show’s story, they’re still great): The fact that Josh Keaton (Shiro) at the very beginning of Voltron coined the ship name “Sheith” and Bex Taylor-Klaus’ (Pidge) famous snapchat and quote:]

The staff’s support of the ship, in both fanart and interviews has been incredible. This post has an entire masterlist of the support the staff has given Sheith or their strong bond.

But, anyways. Overall, regardless of where the story heads I will always ship Sheith. If the staff decides that Shadam is the way to go for positive representation I’ll happily take it, but it doesn’t end my love for Sheith.

Honestly though, I think Sheith’s chances of becoming canon are better than ever before and I’m so excited to see how these last two seasons play out.

[runningwolf62]

SURPRISE IT’S UPDATE TIME! It’s so bizarre being writing this at the same time Larry is because there’s like this weird overlap, we’re like ships passing in the night he’s finally caught up to my time and now is about to pass me.

Anyway, there’s some lovely art in here and a reference to a blog that actually exists, @ask-potoo-firestar. Art belongs to @lavendersongs, thank you for your amazing contribution to the Warrior Cats fandom and for giving me permission to include references to it in this fanfic.

Beep.

Larry curls up deeper under his blankets.

Beep.

He covers his head with his pillow.

Beep.

Fine, he’ll crawl out of his nest and see what had happened, maybe Nick was in trouble again, that Godot guy seemed to have a grudge against him for something.

u ok?

Only Nick texts like that.

haven’t seen u in few days

u alive?

Larry almost fires something back before thinking better of it, Nick had far too many people around him die to joke about that.

Yeah I’m fine, and you usually don’t see me for awhile.

yeah but u had a rough time

Larry hesitates before deciding to just call Nick. The phone rings a few times before Nick answers.

“Hey Larry,” he greets him, Larry can hear voices in the background, he thinks one is Maya, the other is young and high so probably Pearl.

“Hey Nick,” Larry runs a hand over his jaw, aw gross he’d ended up with that scraggly beard, he never looked good with that, he needed to go shave, “you in a crisis?”

“No?” Nick has the gall to sound offended, “I do not only call you during crisises!”

“Mmm might wanna check you phone bill there Nicky Boy,” Larry teases him, his voice is rough, he should haul himself out of bed and start putting himself back together.

“You want to talk about having a crisis you sound like you’ve been on a bender,” Nick fires back, Larry frowned and groused at him.

“Don’t be an ass Nick, I’ve been taking a week off, chilling and relaxing before I remake myself! You called while I’m still in the cocoon man!”

“That metaphor started strong but you took it somewhere very weird,” Nick replies, Larry laughs roughly.

“Alright, alright, you’re the one who texted me,” Larry points out, wrapping his blanket around him like a cloak to hide his shame from the world and stay warm from the chillier October day. He crossed to his laptop to open his resume, he’d need to update it and he might as well do that while chatting with Nick rather than sit around feeling shitty about it.

He chats with Nick, and Maya and Pearl when they demand a chance to chat with him. He interrogate Nick, or tries, but he doesn’t know what’s up with Godot either, other than he’s got one hell of a caffeine addiction, came out of nowhere and claims to be from hell.

Given half the stories Larry’s heard about Nick’s cases he’s tempted to believe it.

“Maybe you ought to have an exorcism performed,” he teases, he’s on speaker phone now and he’s sure they can hear him typing away as he adds his latest job to the long master list of jobs he’s held, “Maya, Pearl, can you do that?”

“I’d have to exorcise the entire Prosocution’s office!” Maya bemoans, Larry grins as she outlines everything she’d need to do to Nick.

“Maybe you should, it sounds like it has a few too many demons over there even before this guy,” Larry muses, saving his resume and opening Fanfiction.net. His stomach drops and his jokes trail off. There’s several messages from XxWolfDragonxX. Shit, he’d just dropped off the map after talking to the guy daily.

He immediately types a response, assuring the guy some stuff just came up, he got fired from work, etc. but he’s doing alright. He misses a question Nick asked him until he repeats his name.

“Larry.”

“Sorry, what?” He tosses the message to WolfDragon off, his friend is probably off work it’s well after six for him.

“I asked what were you typing?”

Larry glances at his messages and then at his minimized programs. “My resume.”

He refreshed FF.net and got a message from WolfDragon.

Man it’s fine, life happens! It’s just good to hear from you again. I’m sorry for all the shit that keeps happening to you.

Again I’m so sorry, and yeah, it’s just been that kind of year.

Do you have a discord? I have something to show you but I don’t think ff.net will send it.

Oh? Uh yeah actually, one second let me find my ID number.

It takes him longer than he should be tosses the information to Wolfdragon. After a moment he gets a friend request on Discord, from a XxWolfDrgonxX surprising absolutely no one. The avatar is a gray anime wolf with yellow eyes snarling, which also doesn’t surprise Larry though he wonders where it’s from.

However he’s still on the phone with Nick, so he accepts it and turns away from the computer, “so what are you all up to asides from calling me?” He hears Pearl giggle and Maya’s voice in the background, they’re moving away, “how are they Nick?”

“They’re good,” Nick sounds happy and Larry can’t help but hurt even as he’s happy for him.

“We’re probably going to do a few things today before they have to head back,” Nick’s chair creaks audibly, “do you have plans for Halloween?”

“Uh, not really?”

“Do you want to come over to the office and hand out candy with me?”

“People come to your office for candy?”

“Surprisingly yes,” Nick sounds equally baffled by this fact, “so, are you in?”

“Do you want me to bring anything?” Larry asks, glancing at his Discord occasionally, where he can see WolfDragon typing. “Beer, Soda, popcorn and terrible horror movies?”

“Popcorn and let’s go with lighthearted movies,” Nick suggests, and Larry wonders if Pearl will be there. He’ll bring soda then, just in case. That or Nick’s gotten to be more of a scaredy-cat since their last Halloween movie festival.

“Have you seen that one cartoon thing that everyone raves about?” Larry’s seen so much art for it for Inktober so he needs to actually sit down and watch the show obviously is what that means.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Okay, I’ll find it, it’s some kids show but everyone who’s seen it loved it,” Larry sends a quick message to WolfDragon while Nick talks.

You sure are dedicated to your brand.

It’s who I am

Furry.

WHAT IN GOD’S NAME IS THAT?!?

That’s Potoo Firestar you fool

I want to hate it but I’m laughing too hard, it’s amazing.

“Larry are you okay?” Nick asks, and Larry can’t answer, he’s wheezing at the damn Potoo Firestar, he cannot believe WolfDragon got his discord just to send him this, and that it’s somehow made him feel so much better.

“Yeah, yeah I���m fine,” he wheezes, and clicks the link that WolfDragon sends him to this person’s blog, “just saw something funny.”

He hops off the phone with Nick promising to see him on Halloween and bring candy and popcorn and the cartoon he’s seen everyone drawing if he could just remember the name.

He spends the next hour teasing WolfDragon on Discord for his avatar and username, all the while scrolling through this blog, which WolfDragon has dubbed “the only pure Warrior Cats blog”.

It doesn’t take long for him to agree though he does have a few questions.

So I miss all the discourse but I also miss blogs like this?

Listen man, some people are still stuck in the can cats be gay discourse?

Seriously?

Yeah, like sure the Erins just made a mistake making some tortoiseshell cats toms. OR they made several trans icons.

I can’t believe Tigerstar was transphobic.

Firestar made the first call out post

“OP is literally a Transphobe and murderer but go off I guess.”

Scourge: *goes the fuck off *

Listen, he wear dog teeth on his collar he can do what he likes, I’m not gonna be the guy to try and stop him.

Oh you do know they made Scourge and Firestar half-brothers right?

THEY WHAT

Yeah they have the same Dad

Oh shit I’d heard that theory but I thought it was just a fan theory

Nah they confirmed it. Also Tallstar was super gay for him

Like canonly gay or the fandom has shipping goggles glued on

Like so canonly gay that the publisher calls them good friends

What?

One of the authors says Tallstar’s heart always belonged to his Jake, but the publishers say they’re just good friends

What’s better than this, guys being dudes.

You’d probably like Tallstar’s Revenge actually, there’s a lot of your fic in it

Seriously?

Yeah man, like leaving the Clans to discover yourself the themes of forgiveness and parents and family there’s a lot of good stuff in there

I guess I’ll have to read it then.

Yeah, that blog I linked you even did fanart of Jake and Tallstar

Oh my god.

Did you find it?

Not yet, but I’m looking.

FOUND IT!

THAT’S IT

Okay that is gay.

Much like my fic.

Now I gotta man.

He did just lose his job but Larry’s got some money saved from his last paycheck and the commissions. What the hell. He makes a note to buy Tallstar’s Revenge next time he’s at the book store, and gets up.

Thanks for this.

Of course!

Is this the best way to contact you, or should I howl out the window?

Haha

FF.net or Discord works I’ll probably review your fics on FF.net still but we can chat here

Larry grins and tells him he hopes he has a good evening. He needs to clean himself up and try and rejoin society.

He showers, shaves, and pulls himself together. He also draws Wolf as a Potoo and sends that back to WolfDragon which is obviously loved, if the fact he turns his avatar into it was any indication.

-

Larry spends Halloween crashing on Nick’s couch, Maya and Nick fighting over candy while he snags some and occasionally slips a piece or two to Pearl. The kid’s clever and smiles shyly at him every time he does so.

They do settle down to watch the cartoon though Maya grumbles at points about how she wanted to watch the Steel Samurai Halloween Special.

They enjoy Over the Garden Wall though, even if it sends the girls diving to hide behind Nick at one point from the Beast. He lets Nick comfort, while he cleans up some of the trash into the popcorn bowl which he sets to the side, making sure it will not be grabbed by mistake by someone hurrying to give candy to trick-or-treaters.

He’s honestly astonished at the number that turn up at the office, until Nick says he thinks Mia used to hand the candy out, which makes sense. It’s tradition now. And Nick must’ve gotten paid because he’s got the good candy and he’s letting kids take handfuls.

He doesn’t touch that stuff only the bag Nick bought for them to share and the stuff he traded Pearl for because she didn’t like nuts in her candy. Said they got stuck in her teeth which Larry felt was a valid reason to not like them.

He tells himself that means they have protein as he pops a handful in his mouth. While Nick’s busy with some teens at the door and Maya’s tucking Pearl in on the couch he sends a message to WolfDragon.

Happy Halloween.

Technically it’s November, and I didn’t grow up in America

Spoilsport.

WHY ARE YOU AWAKE?

Work

Work can suck my dick, it’s what- oh

It’s six in the morning

You’re going to work

Yup

Listen, I don’t need your sass

It’s not sass I just woke up Writer boy

Don’t you sass Wolfman

Tell me you at least watched terrible werewolf movies in my honor

I did not.

Watched kids cartoons instead.

Warrior Cats Authors

There was an actual child in the room!

Ah what’s being introduced to fear at a young age?

Trauma I believe, and the kid’s had enough of that

You’re a good guy you know that, don’t let people tell you otherwise

“Texting a girlfriend?” Maya’s teasing voice made him jump, she wasn’t peering over his shoulder yet but she might’ve been. She might’ve seen the teasing and… no, she was looking at his face.

“Nah, just a friend,” he shoves his phone back into his pocket, she and Nick are both staring at him intensely now, he’s not sure why but they are.

He swears he sees Nick counting to three but he’s not sure why that happens either. He and Maya share a look, and Larry feels himself tense more.

He looks to Nick, whose eyes pierce him as he looks at Larry, “I thought you said you were taking a break from dating.”

“I am!” Larry insists, careful to keep his voice low, glancing to Pearl because however much they want to interrogate him he knows they’ll kill him if he wakes her.

Nick and Maya look confused again but it’s not his fault they can’t accept that he’s just friends with some people. He’s not even into guys anyway!

He shakes his head and grins at them, “glad to hear you think I have that much game though Nick.”

Maya smothers a laugh, while the edge flows out of Nick’s eyes and a smile takes its place, “you keep getting girls to date you somehow.”

“It’s that I have an artist’s soul,” Larry pulls himself up and rests his hand over his chest, grinning at the two of them.

“I went to art school too you know,” Nick points out, relaxing and smiling.

“And who taught you all those tricks for backgrounds?” Larry fires back, he’s always been the better artist for backgrounds and forms, Nick just had more practice with human anatomy. Nick huffs and shakes his head.

“I showed you how to draw men’s jawlines, ‘cause you only paid attention when the model was female-”

“Nick I’ve accepted my heterosexuality and horndog ways will be my downfall,” he fires back which obviously takes his friend by surprise, Maya too, “hey, I can have some self-awareness you know.” He glances over at Maya, “Nick, Edgey and I are allowed the common sense of one person but we have to share and Edgey came back and took it all from Nick.”

“Excuse me?” Nick looks so genuinely offended and Larry laughs, shoulders shaking.

“You took some back, TSA wouldn’t let him take it all with him.”

Maya’s grinning and apparently not taking sides as he and Nick begin to playfully jab at each other about who has more common sense, and it’s nice to be able to talk about Edgey again without Nick’s anger, to have him laugh as he talks and recounts stories from elementary school to Maya is worth the few bits of his dirty laundry that Nick airs.

They end up on the other couch, Maya curled up on Nick’s one side, Larry on the other; with jackets draped over themselves as make shift blankets.

“Larry?”

“Yeah Nick?”

“Who were you texting earlier,” Nick’s not judgmental now but he is obviously curious, maybe hoping that in his exhaustion Larry will let something slip.

And he does.

“He’s a guy I met online, we talk about like books and stuff. You wouldn’t understand, you nerdy lawyer.”

Nick laughs softly as Larry slumps against him, “that so?”

“It is,” Larry lays his head back against Nick’s shoulder, “very so.”

-

They wake up in various states of aching and trying to hide it, all of them trying to deny they’re getting old while Pearl buzzes around the office. Larry wonders briefly if she’s gotten into the Halloween candy for breakfast.

He checks his phone and there’s a few messages from WolfDragon.

You still there?

Don’t eat too much candy, aren’t you doing NaNoWriMo this year?

Larry only barely manages not to curse in front of Pearl as he realizes that he’s going to have to write his first 1667 words with one hell of a crick in his neck.

[m-oana-archive]

Ships & Fandom from the view of a literary theory student: My thoughts on the “Drarry War”

Recently, members of the HP fandom from all backgrounds that I adore have been fighting about the treatment of ships (notably Drarry) in the HP fandom.  Lack of respect, listening, and communication resulted in hateful messages being sent to several members of our fandom.  The extent of this blatant disrespect and arguing has caused the interaction to be dubbed, “The Drarry War.”  Though it seems as major players have thus apologized, I’d still like to voice some of my thoughts which I believe are relevant in order to make sure nothing like this happens again, and that our shared fandom remains a peaceful, safe, and respectful place for creativity to flourish.

My opinions on this matter are based mainly in the literary theory class I took last quarter.  Acknowledging the fact many of you have probably not taken a class in lit theory (I 10/10 recommend it, though), I would like to preface this explanation with some context.  Before Post-Saussurean linguistics erupted in the 20th century, there were three main figures which influenced how readers consumed literature: the author, the text, and the reader themselves.  The relationships between these three elements dictated and differentiated the earliest reading styles which are still used today.  The first was expressive realism, in which the author had some sort of “inward eye” or special trait of artistry that readers did not attain.  The text was the vehicle in which the author’s message could be given to the reader.  New criticism, the next practice, discounted the author all together.  Once the text was written, the text held it’s own meaning, and readers drew conclusions only from the words on the page.  In both of these, the readers were “ideal,” meaning they were passive consumers of text that were basically spoon-fed material and expected to agree with it wholeheartedly.   Reader response, the third reading practice, discounted this entirely.  It stated that readers determine the meaning of the text in social groups, allowing for creativity and originality not only in analysis, but in recreation.  Reader response is therefore the origin of fandom by allowing fanart, fanfiction, and roleplay to exist as legitimate functions of analyzing text.

I mention these not to bore you or prove how much I learned in English 202, but to point out the main issues I see occurring from a literary theorist standpoint when fandoms hate on non-canon ships (or non-canon-discounted ships).  There are two more so foundational issues I see happening: the glorification of canon and the deconstruction of fandom, both of which are extremely detrimental to fandom flourishing the way we want it to.

The glorification of canon is rather self-explanatory.  However, the issue that occurs in this, tying it back to literary theory, is that glorifying what literally exists either promotes expressive realism or new criticism.  Because paper and ink are inanimate objects, I will solely focus on expressive realism’s toxicity in this matter.  Only believing what the author has proven to be true as valid is an extremely new critical approach to reading.  The issue with this is, more often than not, authors are prone to problematic views based on their own historical context.  We all know this holds true with JKR: from her forcing together of non-compatible characters into straight romance and her lack of non-discriminatory or offensive representation, we understand her historical context is extremely cishet and white.  Therefore, only going along with what she gives in canon will inherently lead to ships being the same.  Fandom is the place to explore alternatives, giving people the representation they lack.  Only upholding ships that coincide with the author’s views are therefore dangerous, as every author has biases that should be questioned and challenged as we begin becoming a more open-minded and inclusive world.

But, more jarring than that is what will happen to fandom if such “civil wars” over ships keep occurring.  As I stated previously, fandom exists because readers took meaning from the author and decided what it was by themselves, creating it through different mediums.  The opposite of this is therefore only adhering to canon ships, as it represents expressive theory.  This is the base of the issue: expressive theory and reader response cannot exist at the same time.  Because both have different opinions on who decides the meaning of text, they are fundamentally destructive towards one another.  Therefore, when individuals hate on ships which are non-canon, only believe in canon ships, or do both at the same time, they are destroying the targeted person’s ability to participate in reader response by promoting its opposer.  By saying the fanfic writer/fanartist/roleplayer cannot conceive relationships in fandom because they are unhealthy in canon,  anti-ship fandom groups are not permitting the creative analysis that defines reader response to exist, demolishing reader response as an appropriate way to respond to literature.  Because reader response is the foundation of fandom, it can therefore be concluded that by disproving non-canon ships and taking away reader’s creative response forms, members of fandom are actually deconstructing the fandoms they are in.  Yes, you heard me correctly: by hating on Drarry (or any non-canon ship), you are going against the very foundation of literary theory that allows fandom to exist by saying what happened in canon is the only reliable bases for determining compatible pairings.  It’s not just about creative expression being what fandom is “about,” but what allows fandom to exist, and exist in the way it does.  By hating on a non-canon ship, you are going against the same rights that allow you the freedom to reform any characters or plots that do not belong to you.  The right to write fanfic, to draw fanart, to do role-play, make fan theory videos, you name it.  

This, in my opinion, is the true issue with fandom “civil wars:” they are demolishing fandoms altogether, not only from ruining good-will, but not permitting the foundation of fandom to exist.  Yes, the beautiful part of fandom is it’s creativity, but that’s also the necessary part of it.  It’s more than just difference is what makes fandom unique.  Without allowing fans to ask, “what if?” and stray from the canon, we would essentially be promoting a literary theory that disproves the foundation of fandom itself.  We would be destroying ourselves.  And, from what I’ve read about this “civil war,” we have already been doing so for a long time.

If you’ve held on and have read this analysis to this point, you probably have a question I am anticipating.  Yes, I am a Drarry shipper.  And a Wolfstar shipper.  But also love Jily, Romione, and Remadora.  For a long time, I’ve wondered how I can love Remadora and Wolfstar at once.  My analysis answers this question: I am truly promoting fandom by not allowing what happened in canon discount what can happen in head-canons.  But I don’t mean to toot my own horn; there have been plenty of times in which I have hated on ships on Tumblr (I mean, just look at my “pairings I will not write for” list; it’s pretty blatant) and in conversations with my mutuals.  If we want fandom to survive and thrive, this needs to stop on all levels.  Especially when it gets as toxic as demeaning the actual people behind the computer screens.

I know this fandom means so much to every single member of it, and I am sure we would ache to see it crumble into pieces from our own wrongdoings.  It is never too late to learn from our mistakes and apologize for them; these are the mature actions that were demonstrated by so many of the big blogs who, by choice or force, fought in this “civil war.”  So please continue to be mindful in the way you interact with those who have different opinions than you.  Remember: it is those differences that make fandom possible, regardless of your distaste, so please at least respect them for the role they play in the foundation of fandom itself.

Also, if you do only ship canon ships, I do not mean for the “glorification of canon” section to peg you as someone homophobic or anti-POC.  I just want to remind us all of the imperfections of authors, and, therefore, of the content they create in order to stay mindful that we have the power to bring more representation and non-offensive representation to the table.  And, of course, we have fandom to thank for that.  

A/N: I would like to end by saying this post is targeted towards no one in particular and everyone at once.  We all need to work together to make our fandom inclusive, kind, accepting, and strong, and these are ways in which I believe we can accomplish such goals.

[redscullyrevival]

2011: Tiger & Bunny

For me, 2011 was an amazing year for anime. So many of my favorite shows popped out of this one year it’s kind of disgusting.

Mahou Shojo Madoka Magica, Hanasaku Iroha, Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day, No. 6, From Up on Poppy Hill, Wandering Son, Nichijou, my sweet baby Mawaru Penguindrum! What Am I to do?! Well. I don’t even know how to begin talking about Nichijou and I’ve talked plenty on Penguindrum so lets give another equally loved show the spotlight today!

Who is down for some Kamen Rider meets slice-of-life-lessons mixed with a healthy dose of X-Men and NASCAR racing?  

I was on board with Tiger & Bunny the day it was announced as a project. My boy Masakazu Katsura on character design? A live action script writer named Masafumi Nishida being brought in? Big O king himself Keiichi Sato directing? I was signed up! I was ready! And I was not at all disappointed.

Tiger & Bunny is about reality star superheroes who gain points for their heroics during Live TV broadcasts and who vie for funding and resources from sponsors. The supers’ costumes are plastered with the logos of (real world) corporations and are dominantly featured in the show’s openings (which can make for an odd experience if you’re watching the censored versions on Netflix) and the characters often find themselves at odds with what kind of hero they’d like to be verse the kind their sponsors and TV producers want them to be.

It’s a good fuckin’ set up isn’t it?! Oh my god.

A older hero (Kotetsu Kaburagi AKA Wild Tiger) and a rookie hero (Barnaby Brooks Jr. AKA “Bunny”) are teamed up by their sponsors and the two have to learn to compromise and collaborate while saving the day, the efforts of which start to carry over into their private lives as they grow as people.

Kotetsu is a veteran of Hero TV who holds old fashioned notions on the superhero lifestyle but possesses a well balanced moral center due to his years of service. He is the “old man” but has a solid grasp on why he does what he does as his days of doubt have already come and gone, but Kotetsu’s glory days are increasingly getting behind him.  

Barnaby is Batman if Batman were blonde and a much more stable individual although still, you know, pretty jacked up. Barnaby is emotionally closed off and simply does the hero thing as a means to an end; finding his parents murderer. Through his partnership with Kotetsu Barnaby begins to open up and truly consider for the first time what kind of person (and hero) he wants to be.

I cannot stress enough how wonderful it is that Tiger & Bunny is a show that has adult characters who grow and that they do so through a mutual give-and-take mentorship, friendship, and if you ask me romantic relationship. And that’s just the two main characters!

Tiger & Bunny has one of my absolutely favorite extend cast of characters in anime; they’re a diverse, layered, sympathetic bunch whose interactions and relationships as co-workers, competitors, friends, and found-family is the foundation the show rests on. Another key aspect of the series is that every character’s superhero identity relies on outward stereotypes (their superhero identities are crafted by corporations afterall) which are simplified reflections of the characters actual identities.

I’ll do my best to explain as Tiger & Bunny doesn’t draw a hard line with it, but this is a series that dips in and out of the the personalities and lives of the heroes as filtered though the simplistic picture TV captures and then their real lives and personalities.

For example, the sexy hero Blue Rose is sponsored by Pepsi NEXT because they want to capitalize on the association of her ice powers in reminding folks how tasty a nice cold Pepsi can be. Blue Rose is instructed to act cold and dominatrixy so as to fit into Pepsi’s campaign and we see that off camera she is also a bit cold - but we learn that’s because of conflict within herself.

Karina’s dream is to be a singer so she took the superhero gig because she was told she needed to make a platform for herself, build a fanbase, and put in some company time before being trusted with the budget of a true artist. As Blue Rose Karina gets to sing the closing theme to Hero TV and have mini concerts, but while she does her best to please the sponsors her full heart and attention isn’t exactly in being a hero. She complains about her catch phrase and is a teenager who is very aware of how the camera roams over her corporate designed costume. She misses out on time with her friends and her family doesn’t entirely understand her choices even as they support her in her goal.

Karina Lyle, like all the cast members, works through her problems while the audience comes to understand that there are parts of her that are similar to her hero persona but that her persona isn’t a complete representation of who she is.

This duality is pushed even further to the point where it is built into the literal presentation of the series.

When the characters are suited up, logos polished and on display, the series takes on the camera work and focus of what a show like Hero TV would probably actually be like but will drop out of that style mid fight to highlight characters real feelings and concerns - only to slip back into that heightened style once again. It’s hard to describe and it isn’t something the series does only when literally showing us things through the show-in-the-show, Hero TV.

Tiger & Bunny fluctuates between two kinds of Visual and Tonal Coding™: The structured posturing of what superhero media is like and what we all expect and then the wavering hesitant nature of being a human being with responsibilities and an inner understanding of oneself.

I have plenty of other things I want to talk about but if you watch the first three episodes of Tiger & Bunny you’ll start to get a feel for what I mean! It’s a very clever, subtle, tactic the series uses to compare and contrast it’s many characters with their superhero personas and is what gives the show such an enjoyable dynamic feel.

Because of this show’s characters and their wonderful duality this is the first and only time I’ll make this kind of comment: I do not suggest the dub of Tiger & Bunny and not because it isn’t good (it’s well cast and acted) but because the English script ignores the nuances of how characters address themselves because English can’t help it and the official translations don’t address any of it. 

Nathan Seymour (AKA the hero Fire Emblem) uses the gender neutral I/me pronoun "watashi" and informal feminine "atashi" for themselves which is hard to express in an English script as English doesn’t have gendered I/me pronouns. For those watching a sub there is still a lot of guess work if you even have the ear to pick out how Nathan refers to themselves because the character absolutely displays Japanese media stereotypes and as such Nathan can be seen to fall into the onee category with their dialogue being onee kotoba.  

I could get into this but I’ll just say again that this is a series where stereotypes are pitted against people who can fall into them but are shown to be more than them and Nathan is absolutely a part of that. The most thrilling and moving aspect of the second Tiger & Bunny film, and I’d argue of the entire franchise, is when the story goes into Nathan’s history and shares a considerate journey with identity - but what if you never make it there?    

At the end of the day who you are and what you know is going to define whether Nathan Seymour is a believable agender queer POC character or a strange flat stereotype - which isn’t anything special as that’s how all characters from everything are experienced and defined.  

If you want to get deep into this kind of conversation I suggest starting with Japanese Language, Gender, and Ideology: Cultural Models and Real People by Shigeko Okamoto and Janet S. Shibamoto Smith. And if anything at all has caught your interest about Tiger & Bunny I full heartedly endorse giving this series a watch.

[bunsiebox]

A bit of afterstory with Heishiro and Tsuneko. Not written by me, written by a friend~

“Where are we going? We’ve been walking for so long…” Tsuneko let out an annoyed huff, looking out the window of the house as it lurched ahead. In response, she felt a clump of dirt hit her in the forehead.

“You should have stopped that.” A voice came from the roof. She let out a growl, climbing out of the window and grabbing the side of the roof, pulling herself up to where Heishiro lay, lazily taking in the sun.

“You didn’t answer my question!”

“And you’re not walking, the house is. We’re going to continue your training. You’ve been slacking.”

“… Huh? What, no I haven’t!” She’d done her routines, ate well, and-

“You haven’t slacked on your physical workouts, no. However, your magic is pathetic. Normally, you could excuse yourself by saying you have two sets of abilities so it’s slow work…” He opened an eye. “But considering that the other two we’re meeting, in addition to myself, all have the same, it’s no excuse. Besides, you’re going to be getting a new disciple.”

“…” She stared. “… D.. Disciple?”

“Mhm. Kitsune who can still use magic are incredibly rare. Those who bear the elements are literally four out of those existing elites… Yet you managed to find two, myself and Gentoka. Did that never tip you off that something may be afoot?” He sat up, stretching. “It’s not your fault for not realizing at the time… But really, after all this time? Hehe, it’s kind of pathetic.” He teased, much to her chagrin.

“… Then why, enlighten me.” She mocked. “I’d love to hear it…”

“Well, it’s simple. I was originally looking for Gentoka, to bring him to the Passing of the Flame… Literally, in this sense. You see,” He sat up, stretching. “Elementals, what I’ll call those who bear the four, cannot die of old age. As a result, they have to either be killed, forgotten, or pass on what they know. Gentoka took on a disguise and lived a quiet life as a test of sorts, damning himself because his pride. The powers are meant to keep balance, yet he seemed to believe it merely made him better than others. If you refuse to use your gifts, the gifts find someone who will. Honestly, you can even use them for good or evil… As long as they’re used. He made his play too late.”

… If he’d decided to do what he did sooner… Tsuneko’s brow furrowed.

“Hey, kit, relax. What matters is that nothing happened… Well, nothing world changing. So, let’s have some fun, ok?” He smiled. “We’re stopping by a village on the way, and we’re gonna buy some gifts for the other two!”

“… Huh? Why?”

“Well, it’s just to be kind… It’s been so long… And… They’re gonna be mad I didn’t let the element go naturally and gave it to you, so I want to ease up their anger a bit…?”

“… You can find the gifts yourself.” She turned her nose before climbing back down.

“Hey- Come on, don’t leave me! I don’t know what gifts women like!”

------------------------------

“You said I would have a disciple, what did you mean by that?” Tsuneko held the basket of goods Heishiro purchased as she sat next to him.

“Exactly what it sounds like. The new element does not know they’ve been chosen until it happens. There’s no fanfare or shouting, because that would lead people to try and train the perfect host. There’s no annual date or such… They just decide it’s time to pass on, and choose a worthy successor based on what they think.”

“… It sounds kind of sloppy.”

“It is.”

“… Then why do it like that?”

“If you have a better idea, I’d love to hear it.”

“…” … Fair.

“Besides, it’s not like there isn’t lots of deliberation. The Elemental is literally going to let their physical body die and become an Elemental spirit to linger in the spirit world. It’s not a decision to be made lightly.”

“… What do you mean physical body- Isn’t the spirit world death?”

“Hm… You all really have been ignorant. No, the body dies, then the spirit dies, then they go into the afterlife.”

“… Hm…” So confusing…

“Now, the reason they’re going to be your disciple is because you are technically their senior, and the youngest, relative to them. The soon-to-be former Fire is a nine tail, like Gentoka. The Water is an eight. I am a six. You are a three. You are, therefore, closest to them. They will be a one. That’s the one thing that’s always consistent, you must be a one tail. That’s another reason they might be upset, as you had three when you got your power. You’ll be the new Fire’s closest in age… But you’ll be continuing your training right alongside them to master your element, considering you can hardly use it. In addition, you’ll half to help them as a senior, survive our harsh training. Normally, there would be three teachers…”

He then poked her cheek.

“But thanks to someone, it will now be two teachers and a slightly more experienced student learning to be a teacher. There’s three things to worry about… Physical training, magical training, and elemental training. The last two are kind of the same thing, but well, we don’t know what power they’ll develop. All powers a Kitsune has are related to changing or using their body, like how a trickster can shapeshift.” He shrugged. “For example, my power, which I’ve dubbed Martyrdom, lets me use my life as energy. I got lucky, since my connection to the Earth is basically a massive energy source to keep myself from dying. It made my relatively minor power massive. You, though… Your power is what I’ve dubbed Heroism. The more confident you are, the better you can do. It doesn’t make you any stronger, but everything you do is just, well, better. In short, if you act like a master, you might be one… Just the power’s luck it got attached to a meek redneck- Ow!” He scooched over as she punched his arm. “Just a joke…” He huffed.

“Anyways, the point is, some powers like mine synergize well with their element. Some like yours have the potential to but don’t naturally sync. If they get a power that works too well, they could potentially hurt themselves or those around them by not knowing their limits.”

Tsuneko let herself nod. That all made sense… When he wasn’t being a jerk, he could show a relatively master-like side of himself show. Now only if he could let it stick.

“What about the other two?”

“Hm?” He glanced over.

“What are their powers…? Actually, no, just tell me about them in general, if you can.”

“… One of them is literally going to die really soon, are you sure you wanna waste- Ah, stop glaring, just a joke! Eesh… Ok, which first?”

“… Fire, then.”

“I see… Nishimura is an older woman, I’d say she was emotional, but really, it would be a nice way of saying anger issues. People say the elements and personalities sync up, and she helps that theory. It makes sense, though. Fire is destruction but gives life. Sort of like a trade, she is the one who lets forests burn so new life can grow. I guess it’d make anyone upset… A lot of the time, my father, and later myself, would get credit for things she would do, and she would be blamed as a murderer. They pray for warm summers when the warmth benefits them, and curse when it doesn’t… That’s the elements in general, though. A big canvas where those below them can only see a small corner. You can’t blame them, but I’m sure it doesn’t make it sting any less…” He waved his hand away, as if trying to brush it off.

“Anyways, where was I… Right, Nishimura. Firey but friendly, showing the warmth of her element. Her power is Camouflage. It sounds odd at first, and kind of useless, but when you can create a field of smoke and blend right in, it turns something mostly useless into something terrifying. Fire can be bright and flashy, but can be just as quiet and deadly, drawing your eyes to the flame while the smoke slips right in. Most people don’t die from burning, after all, they die from the smoke.” He seemed to ponder. “… She’s a pretty woman. Short and messy blonde hair, nice smile, golden eyes. A shame she’s so rude, I might have fell for her instead. What could have been- Ow, stop hitting me over jokes!” Nonetheless, he smirked.

“… She sounds nice. Still, she sounds young, why would she want to die?”

“… Well, we all have our reasons. Also, she sounds young. Looks young too… However, you don’t age unless you want to. As a matter of fact, I should be dead of old age. You’ll look exactly like you do right now, too, if you choose to.”

“… I will? How do I ‘choose’?”

“You just do, trust me. It’ll change naturally based on your heart. I say ‘control’, but it’s more of your body’s instinct, so don’t worry about waking up looking old or wanting to grow up but being stuck as you are forever. What happens, happens, and you’ll be okay with it. It’s why someone like Gentoka looked older than me, but only a bit, rather than us being skeletons. Make sense?”

“… I suppose, yeah.” … She’d take his word for it and hope she didn’t wake up like he said. “Oh- Water now, right?”

“Hm, oh, yeah, her. Sawaya. She’s a bit more of an oddball… Then against, most Waters are. Go with the flow, eye of the storm, yadda yadda… Silver hair, blue eyes… She used to be the second youngest, but thanks to recent and soon to occur events, will now be the oldest, and you’ll take her spot as second youngest. She’s friendly as well, but thanks to her power, is… strange.”

“… What’s her power?”

“I’m getting to that… She has Instinct. She just… does things that happen to work out in her favor. She’ll blow your candle out for seemingly no reason, then later during the night, your cat knocks over a decanter of oil right where your candle would have been. You wake up without even realizing she saved your life… Thing is, she doesn’t know what her actions will do, or which ones are from her power and which are just gut feelings, which means she isn’t just a good luck charm at all times. Ever have someone poison your food because they think it would help you, and all you get is the runs?” he huffed and shot a glare when she snickered. ”Yeah, yeah, it sounds funny, but don’t forget you’ll have to deal with her as much as I will from now on. Welcome to the club… Anyways, that’s about all that matters. You’ll form your own impression when you see her.”

“… Hm… Alright… What did you buy them anyway?”

“Yeah, nice try. I’m not gonna let you take credit for it.”

“Mn!”

------------------------------

They finally stopped at a small village, one that felt quite familiar to Tsuneko. It was much like her own, a tiny farming village just making due with what they had… Quite nostalgic.

“Alright, hop down.” The house settled and groaned before sitting back into the dirt as Heishiro hopped off, stretching. “And careful with that basket. If that stuff breaks you’re gonna put the pieces back together.”

“Hm… Tempting to break it and not tell you~” He hopped down, holding the basket as she did, hardly making a sound as she did. Still had to get used to bearing the Aspect of Air… Minor things like that still caught her off guard.

“Now, come on. They should be somewhere around here… Don’t worry about hiding your tails, either. Those two should have already made sure that they’re expecting us… Well, myself and Gentoka. You’ll be giving the gift because you’re a gift in and of yourself!”

“… Feels more like you’re tossing me to the wolves…”

“Partially.” He smiled.

“Hmph…” She could feel the eyes on her as she walked into the village. Right… She wasn’t just a farmer anymore… It gave her conflicted feelings. These weren’t allowed to linger, however, as Heishiro stopped in front of what looked like a small home.

“Alright, ready?”

“… I think so.” Heishiro nodded in response and opened the door up. The inside was humble, with the only inhabitants being two Kitsune, bearing resemblance to how Heishiro described the other two elementals, sitting across a table from one another as they spoke. However, their intrusion seemed to cut their conversation in the middle.

“Nishimura! Sawaya! It’s so good to see you!” Heishiro walked in, moving to hug them. They remained kneeling, looking right past him.

“… Who’s the kid?” Nishimura spoke up first… She sounded less like a sweetheart and more of a thug. “You were s’posed to bring Gentoka. And I doubt he’s in the basket.”

As she spoke, Sawaya quietly unraveled and put a nearby blanket under the table that separated the two, and a pillow on top.

“… Heh…” Heishiro scratched his cheek. “Want the bandage ripped of slowly or quickly?”

“Heishiro…” She growled.

“Hehe, quick, got it, Gentoka is gone and Tsuneko is the new air- Mng?!” He jumped as the table was smashed by Nishimura’s fist crashing onto it, Sawaya moving the pillow away afterwards and using the blanket to tie the shards into a nice bundle before setting it aside.

“Now, Tsuneko, why don’t you wait outside, uh, go look around!”

“Oh no you don’t, kid, st-“

“Have fun!” Heishiro then pushed her out the door, locking it behind. Tsuneko could already hear the screaming match behind the door…

She’d just… leave the basket by the door and go do what he said…

------------------------------

Apparently, the village had no name. They just… existed. Humble, helping one another, just getting by… Still, they lived a quiet and happy life, and were more than happy to share it with her. The place she currently resided was the unofficial town center, a large building once built for religious purposes long forgotten that now served as an area to gather. The hall had areas to cook, to play games, to craft, or merely chat. She was in the middle of being taught how to sew by a pair of young twins when she felt a pair of hands on her shoulders.

“You are… Tsuneko, right? It’s nice to meet you… my name is Sawaya…” The voice was smooth and soft, like a babbling brook. “I’m very thankful for the gift you purchased for myself and Nishimura. Heh, how did you know that I liked dresses?”

… Guess Heishiro covered for her in that aspect.

“Ah… Yes, I am, and… Lucky guess?” She offered, smiling as she turned. She was met with a pair of soft eyes and a smile to match shining back at her. “Uh… How’s the situation with Heishiro and-“

“Oh, don’t worry about those two, they’ll be fine… Besides, I came here to speak with you. If I wanted to talk about those two I would have stayed there. Girls,” She turned to the twins. “Would you mind if I took her away? I’ll make you both some nice dolls if you can let me have a moment of her time…”

The girls seemed excited at the prospect, nodding before running off, allowing Sawaya to pull her up and start leading her out of the building. So far, Tsuneko thought, she didn’t seem to be all that strange… But hopefully she wouldn’t end up jinxing herself by mentioning it. Soon enough they were alone on a hillside as she let Tsuneko’s hand go, sitting down. Tsuneko followed suit.

“So… Tell me about yourself, Tsuneko… If you really are the newest member of our Quartet, I believe that it is necessary to learn… Ah,” She hugged herself, smiling. “Two new elements so close together… It’s exciting…”

“… Right. Well, I like stories… I enjoy farming- Uhm, the harvesting part, not the planting. Gardening, swimming…”

“You like gardening, but not planting? Why is that?” More questions…

“Erm… I just… Don’t, heh… I guess I like to maintain what’s already there, rather than try to do something new… it’s complicated.” She gave a nervous giggle. Sawaya just smiled.

“And stories… What kind?”

“Oh… Uh… Anything interesting, really, but I do really enjoy folklore… I even write some… Although I guess writing folklore doesn’t make much sense, sense folklore are stories that are passed down…” She looked as if she was about to ramble before Sawaya let out a light laugh.

“I think it’s wonderful you have such a passion. Many enjoy stories, but it takes a special someone to make something worthy and beloved enough to start being passed on.”

“Ah… Thank you…” … Her face felt warm. “… Heishiro said you all would be mad, but you seem fairly calm.” Another light laugh.

“Oh, I’m very upset, honestly… At least, I was, before we had our chat. Now I think you might have what it takes to stick around… Besides, I realized on my way here, if you aren’t worthy then you’ll eventually just die, so it will all work out~”

… Yeah, she jinxed it.

“Hehe… Riiight… Uh, speaking of dying, should we head back? Nishimura seemed… really upset.”

“Oh, her? She’s a big softie, he’ll be fine… But we should head back, yes, before it gets late. Come, follow~” She stood, walking ahead.

… Let’s hope Nishimura wasn’t as bad.

------------------------------

To say things were tense was an understatement.

The four sat around a new table, with Nishimura and Heishiro sitting across from one another on one side, and Sawaya and Tsuneko on the other respectively. While it was meant to make them feel equal, right now, it felt more like Sawaya and Tsuneko were the mediators for what would be a bloody brawl. On the table, an empty tea cup sat in front of all of them, with the pot itself in the middle.

Heishiro looked nervous, trying to do anything but look at Nishimura, while she stared right where his eyes would be should he dare challenge her. Tsuneko had never seen him like this… But, then again, Nishimura was technically his elder.

Sawaya giggled, starting to pour them each tea.

“Let’s all relax, ok?” She offered. “Just because you’re going to move on to the spirit world soon doesn’t mean you’re allowed to leave a bad impression before you do…”

“Kh…” She turned her gaze towards Tsuneko. “… I was led to believe that we were to leave decisions to pass the Elements on to a group decision, or to let it naturally pass. Yet we have proof right here that apparently means nothing.”

Mn… It wasn’t even her fault and she was feeling guilt.

“I already told you, if we just waited for Gentoka to do what he wanted to, more damage would be done… It’s better to give the power to someone I know can be trusted-“

“It’s better to let it go and let it choose a suitable wielder.”

“Like you’re doing?”

Her eyes snapped back to Heishiro, who was doing his best to keep his eyes on her.

“… I apologize for being rash with my decision, but not for who I chose… I’m not a child any longer. Gentoka is gone, and you will be too. I’ll be the second oldest out of all of us.”

She looked as if she was about to counter, but Sawaya interrupted.

“He has a point… I’m now, technically, the second oldest as of right now… And when you’re gone, I’ll be oldest…” She smiled as she began to pour everyone tea. “I know as well as you that,” she halted halfway, taking out a small handkerchief and setting it next to Nishimura’s cup before going back to pouring, “if you have made this decision, you would be just like Heishiro right now, insisting it was right… We’re not perfect, or we wouldn’t be arguing about this. Gentoka was one of us, the eldest, yet he became corrupt. Our judgement is not always sound… Heishiro did what he thought was best at the time, you should give him credit for trying to do what he thought would impress you.”

“… Impress… huh?” The brash Kitsune seemed confused, as did Heishiro, who took the chance to sip his tea to try and hide the fact.

“Nishi… When Heishiro’s parents passed on, I seem to remember you insisting his father was a fool for passing his gift onto an emotional, meek child… And then you proceeded to become a new parental figure for him. You’d hardly let him leave your side, always making some excuse about his training not being finished yet… And when he finally left, how you cried-“

“Shaddup!” She barked, snapping her head over.

“… You cried?” Heishiro spoke up. He sounded so meek.

“… No, I didn’t cry…” Nishimura huffed, sipping from her tea as she kept her eyes averted from him. “I just… Had allergies, for a while.”

“Hehe, allergies, I see…” Sawaya hummed. “… And Heishiro, you should be more apologetic…”

“Huh? Me? Weren’t you just defending-“ He was interrupted.

“Yes, I was defending you. She was much too harsh… But you are just as immature. I swear, you’re both so thick skulled… She spent all of this time caring for you, yet you can hardly tell when she’s upset? How sad…” She sipped her own tea, but rather than bringing her lips to the cup, she just brought the liquid up, sipping it when it reached her lips. “She’s upset because she doesn’t want to let you grow up. She’s about to leave and entrust you with, in effect, the world. Sure, you all can still communicate through meditation… But her influence will be gone from this plane. She’s sending you out on your own all over again… Can you imagine how hard that must be on her?”

They were both quiet, before Nishimura sniffled, taking the handkerchief to wipe her face.

“… Damn you, Sawaya… Stop actin’ like the adult here, that’s my job…” She wiped her eyes, letting out a shaky sigh. “I just… I trust you… But it scares me… God, I’m scared to go. The moment I made my choice, I was wishin’ I could swallow my words back down and shut my mouth, but I don’t go back on my word… And… The world needs to change, I can’t let that happen if I keep my butt planted firmly in the dirt.” She blew into the cloth.

Heishiro didn’t seem to fare much better, making all manner of facial expressions to keep tears from flowing.

“… I know, and… I’m really sorry. You did a great job as a parent, I dunno how I became such a brat…” That earned a weak smile from Nishimura.

“That part’s on your parents. They gave me crap, I just had to work with it.” Heishiro let himself grin in response.

“I wouldn’t speak too bad about them… You’re about to go see them… That, and Gentoka too.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna have some choice words for all of ‘em. They best be workin’ together if they wanna stop my rampage.” She laughed, wiping her eyes one more time, before she turned to Tsuneko.

“… Tsuneko, right?” Tsuneko just nodded.

“Ah, yes… I mean, yes ma’am-“

“Ah, shaddup, or I’ll punch you. Don’t call me ma’am, I’ll feel old… well, older. Guess this is a pretty garbage first impression. Can you meditate?”

“… Not like Heishiro, no.”

“Ah, a shame, then that means this is gonna be a pretty terrible first impression. Heishiro, get on training her, I need to make it up to her. I don’t recall giving you permission to slack off.”

“If you could, you’d force me to work until I learned to train in my sleep…” He muttered.

“… Heh, that’s a good idea, I should have done that sooner.”

“Mn!” She just laughed again, Sawaya letting herself giggle, with Heishiro eventually laughing as well. Soon enough, Tsuneko found even herself laughing… It felt like she was with family, in a way…

“Now… Let’s try to enjoy tonight, eh? We can do this again when the two new kits learn how to do things the way we old folks do. You hear that, kit?” Sawaya looked over at Tsuneko. “I’m gonna have you spar with me when you learn to meditate good and proper and whoop your butt like I whooped this runt’s.” She nodded to Heishiro, before perking up. “Ah, right, I almost forgot that gift you got for us. Did Hei tell you I like food or somethin’? Cause you’d be right!”

She grabbed the basket from nearby, pouring the contents onto the table. Various sweets and bottles of alcohol.

“I’ve already got the villagers ready to bring us food until we pop, so consider this the appetizer! Eat up, you filth!”

… Hehe… Well, an odd family… But one she could feel happy with.

TO BE CONTINUED…?

[tubbotums]

((What do you think warrants a retelling of RWBY? Is it just a fun world, or is the story actually misguided?))

Oh boy, grab your popcorn and get ready to listen for a while. Gonna put this under a cut so people who don’t feel like reading it can skip.

Do I love RWBY? Yes, I 100%. This show has done so much to change my life and has quite literally changed me as a person. It’s put me on the career path of wanting to make my own animated show, tell stories etc. It’s allowed me to meet new friends, and had it not been for the show I wouldn’t even be here typing this. When the new episodes are coming out, every Saturday I wake up at like 10:50 in the morning and wait on both my laptop and phone app so I can watch the episode at exactly 11 when it drops. Most of the time I have to wait, but regardless you see the point. My drawer has RWBY merch, my desks have figures and plushes, hell even my backpack is a RWBY one and I wear a sweatshirt that’s RWBY related basically everyday.

However, in my opinion, the show is heavily flawed from a production standpoint.

RWBY is a very inventive show, I’ll give it that. It tries to do so much with so little, and I applaud it for that. What Rooster Teeth has created is a unique world with lovable characters that have inspired so many. It’s hard to believe that this company that made this show were making Halo parodies in 2007 and still are. RWBY is probably at this point their most popular show, and the most popular web series as of now (discounting live action stuff like Content Cop or whatever). Hell, Warner Bros. Japan went to RT wanting to dub it  and air it there so people could experience it in Japanese. It’s wonderful to see this show blossom and grow. But it has one thing holding it back from truly being great in my opinion.

It’s being produced by Rooster Teeth.

Like I said before, I applaud Rooster Teeth for doing what they’ve done with this show and for all the hard work they’ve done with it. I love their content and the people responsible for bringing the show to life. But for what it wants to do, Rooster Teeth is far too small of a company to produce it and don’t have the necessary people to make it what it can truly be. It’s a show that has so much untapped potential, and I keep waiting for it to tap into it and show me what it can really be. But I get nothing, and waiting every episode after every episode gets tiresome.

RWBY likes to take from a lot of different things for inspiration, but I feel like it’s too scattered and all over the place from it’s inspiration to make logical sense. I hear Final Fantasy (which I see in the character designs, weapons and dust as a concept), but then I see Game of Thrones, Gurren Lagann, and other things that don’t even remotely cover the genre that RWBY is in. I’ve brought this up to people before and have been told that it’s “Monty’s true vision” and that “I just don’t understand it and shouldn’t question it”. God bless Monty Oum, he was a great animator and a wonderful man who I would love to meet and pick apart at his brain. But the man couldn’t tell a story, which was why he brought on Miles Luna and Kerry Shawcross, the lead writers of the show.

But before I get into M&K (who I both met and are lovely people), I want to touch up on the show’s inspiration. Monty wanted to create a show that revolved around his fight scenes, you know the stuff that you saw in Dead Fantasy or Red vs Blue Seasons 8-10. He didn’t care about the story and wanted to show off his fights and creative, lovable characters. If that’s what the show was going to be, I wouldn’t watch and I wouldn’t care as much as I do to write this. In my unpopular opinion, the show needs to stray away from Monty’s original ideas and gather more from outside sources that are doing the genre right. Shows like Hunter X Hunter, My Hero Academia, Fullmetal Alchemist, Sailor Moon and more that I can’t even list off the top of my head. These shows tackles themes present in RWBY and do it leaps and bounds better than what the show does. It’s frustrating to watch Gon Freeces or Izuku Midoriya get character development and progression that changes them and the path of the story but see Ruby Rose become a side character with no development since the beginning of the show. I’ll also add this in, if you want to take out My Hero from this list you can since RWBY started airing before MHA first published, and it has it beat by a few months I think? But I think the point still stands.

Now for Miles and Kerry, who I both love so much, there’s a lot of controversy around them. A lot of people, especially on this site, hate them and want different writers for the show. I’ve heard names like Lindsay Jones (voice actress for Ruby) and Mica Burton (a RT employee) as people who “should” be writing the show. Here’s the big issue with that:

Neither one has produced a show before and has written a script. Know who has? Miles Luna, who wrote three seasons of Red vs Blue. 

Yes, both are still amateurs and not professionals. They’ve been doing this for about a little more than half a decade, which isn’t a lot of time in the content production world. But this leads to another problem: Amateurs are writing this show. I don’t doubt the effort both of them put into making this show. They have A LOT to deal with, considering what happened with Monty, the show’s sudden boom in popularity, and much much more. But the fact that more experienced script writers aren’t writing a show this big is an issue, and you see it all the time in the show. They like to go with this “tell don’t show” approach, which doesn’t allow us to see the world and make it feel alive. We have to trust everything the characters say instead of actually getting to see it ourselves. We don’t see the racism Blake talks about except for a sign in a background shot that shows up on screen for two seconds. TWO SECONDS of seeing this one “No Faunus” sign is more signs of racism than we ever got from 4 and a half volumes and almost 20 minutes of exposition on it. There’s also just some really bad characters in the show as well, just really poorly written. I think my best examples are almost every villain, especially Adam and Cinder. I think both are just really shitty in every aspect and don’t add anything unique? If Adam wasn’t abusive and crazy, his cause would be more sympathetic and the White Fang would feel more like a Civil Rights group like they should be instead of a terrorist group like they’re portrayed to be. Cinder’s whole deal is just “I want power”, and the big question is why. We have no explanation as to why she sides with Salem and what her motives are. She’s just a puppet for the big baddie and that’s not right considering Cinder was the main antagonist for three volumes and will have just as big of a role going forth. A backstory can really help with this, but until we get one she’s a mediocre, borderline shitty villain in my books.

If the show was handled by, lets say Studio Madhouse, or Studio Bones, and if those don’t really sound familiar lets even throw in Toei, the show would be a lot better handled. Shows like My Hero, Hunter X Hunter, One Punch Man Season 1, Fullmetal Alchemist, Miraculous Ladybug and more have come from them and have done phenomenal. The writing, worlds, characters, all written in this just amazing way that I can see RWBY being written in. I can see RWBY having this expansive, almost unexplored world that we the viewers and the characters are going to explore together. But Rooster Teeth can’t provide that simply because they don’t have the money to. That’s no knock against them either, it’s just a fact. A RWBY fight will never look as good as Midoriya vs Todoroki or Meruem vs Netero, and that’s because the budget and time isn’t there. I just want to see this show thrive and become something special like these other shows, because I know it can be that. I know it can be tightly written with a power system that makes sense and a world that’s rich and vast, with different people having different motives that makes us really question who is right and who is wrong.

Aside from all that, what do I think the show does write? It creates really likable characters that almost everyone can relate to. All of Team RWBY is really likable, same with JNPR. The cast as a whole is colorful, and they’re the main reason I come back to watch the show week after week. The music is also pretty good? But tbh I wish there was more variety in the soundtrack as well. But aside from the characters and music I can’t think of much else.

So, with all that being said, I want to rewrite RWBY to fix these issues and tell my own version of the story, the version I’d like to see. A lot of people in this fandom might not agree with me on the ideas I have and my opinions, but quite frankly I’ve gotten tired of hearing people tell me that my ideas about the show are lesser because it doesn’t align with their views or Monty’s views (which are basically the same thing). I’m doing this because of my immense love for the show and because I want to see it be better. Please don’t take these words as anything harmful and as an endorsement to not watch the show. If you haven’t, I’m actually begging you to go watch RWBY. It’s a fun adventure, but it’s just very flawed and something I as an objective viewer who pays Rooster Teeth for early access to episodes cannot overlook. I’ve done it for far too long thanks to people and I’m sick of it. This retelling also is going to help me as a writer in making a long running story, and while most of the outline is made thanks to the show, there are still going to be a lot of differences from the canon counterpart. 

So please, go watch RWBY if you haven’t so you can see what I’m talking about, and to also let yourself be immersed into a wonderful world with wonderful characters. I love this show with a passion, and this retelling is being done because I want to see it do better is all, like I know it’s capable of.

[illegiblewords]

Doing work rn but a few more Ergo Proxy thoughts very quickly:

- I personally believe, for a number of reasons, that the proxy who killed Donov Mayer and whose arm Re-L shot off was Proxy One and not Ergo Proxy--that said this is one of the points I am extremely unsure about in analysis and I can see it being arguable either way. First, I think the complete lack of speech from the proxy in that scene is there to make it deliberately ambiguous. When Vincent speaks to the body of Monad and to REAL we know that it is him for his mannerisms, for his self-assessment, for his confusion. There is some consistency with who he is as we the viewers have come to know him, although it is possible that it could be Proxy One as he is in many ways a stranger and the base from which Vincent sprung. Of Proxy One we the viewers can know (although the way the narrative is presented makes it fucking hellish to figure out) that Proxy One was in fact clinging to his own city unlike Kazkis or Senex, who destroyed theirs. Proxy One’s city died because of the intervention of MCQ and Raul specifically, not because of his own choice. In response, the first thing Proxy One did was destroy Amnesia, cutting Vincent off from his memories as Ergo Proxy. This was a calculated revenge.

I would argue that it is extremely significant that Ergo Proxy is not blindly murderous as an entity, before or after Vincent gains awareness of him. Ergo Proxy is the Id and the Jungian Shadow of Vincent, his selfishness and his desires and his fears and hatreds but above all else his survival instinct. He makes his choice, repeatedly, not to kill Re-L even when she is a threat to him. This involves integration of the conscious self, the Freudian Ego, and his Superego which involves active consideration of his own identity and values.

Donov Mayer with all of his autoreives worships Ergo Proxy as a god, as something perfect and a means to abandon personal responsibility, choice, and the self. This is something both dangerous and a path to losing humanity, to becoming something truly derivative and empty and dangerous. From this angle, especially given Ergo Proxy’s memories returning and his personal failings as a creator, it would be extremely painful and might make sense for Vincent himself to kill Donov. Additionally, Re-L has foreshadowed throughout the series that she will shoot Vincent, so that poetry is also possible and fitting. And Donov destroyed Mosk, destroyed Monad, rejected Vincent time and time again as an anonymous immigrant.

However, I think frankly that Vincent’s identity as a simple human seeing the purely human aspect of the scene was not sufficiently present for it to make sense being him. In losing his memories Vincent actually severed himself from the purely postmodern and his role within a world built on postmodernism, allowing him to see the reality of life and existence and direct personal experience stripped of symbolism. It allowed him to connect to other people and to understand them only as people, not as flawed creations or test subjects. On a literal level, Donov Mayer is Re-L’s grandfather on whose behalf she was pleading, and he was a broken man victim of the schemes of departed humans no less than Ergo Proxy himself, and he was ancient and dying and desperate and had lost himself utterly.

I could see Proxy One killing Donov as revenge for his own city, as an attempt to destroy the postmodern doom that reigned over himself and the cloned humans of all cities, of despair in the false-godhood he and Ergo Proxy share, of a sign of spite against Re-L who he does not love and whose bond with Vincent he is incapable of understanding as a creature of postmodernism. And I could see him sparing Re-L to make her wonder, for the rest of her life, just who she shot and if Vincent is capable of murder born from hate and of lying to her. In this way it is also a gesture of spite against Vincent, who he wants to succeed but who he also is overwhelmingly jealous of. Because Vincent has the possibility of survival and faith and reality while Proxy One never will.

I think Vincent has too much compassion for the simple, shared experience of living to have killed Donov. I don’t think Proxy One is capable of understanding that. And I think Vincent being integrated in all the ways that matter, having both his identity as Vincent and at least pieces of himself as Ergo Proxy, by necessity cannot be without the literal understanding and his empathy.

That said, again cases can be made for either reading lol. The storytellers were deliberately vague on that scene.

- Jung sort of talks about this but contemporary psychology definitely does, human beings are not tabula rassas like John Locke theorized. Our memories make a very large part of who we are but they are not actually everything and we are not born empty to be shaped solely by society. Our very genetics might make some of us more talkative while others are more withdrawn, some disposed toward this illness and others not, some of us having personality disorders and others healthy, and so on to massive degrees. We inherit from those who came before and we reconfigure ourselves into something new from their genes in a unique sequence. There is a particular line I might actually reblog later from Ergo Proxy that talks about how we are the sum of our memories and if we have no memories we are not ourselves. Scientifically this is actually incorrect and I think it is something that would be interesting to see examined in fic or a prequel or a sequel to be honest.

Ergo Proxy was intellectually bound to his role and had his identity under horrible artificially imposed pressures, but it’s very reasonable and even realistic to believe that Ergo Proxy pre-amnesia would have had a lot in common with Vincent at his base personality. He probably did get embarrassed about things and had a high level of sincerity, he probably overthought a lot and worked very hard, he probably had points he withdrew, he probably tried to push his personal self aside to fulfill the role he thought he was meant for. I’d bet money he was left-handed, too. I think the presence of a highly intellectual voice in Vincent’s head trying to remind him of the practicality of certain things and the impossibility of others is consistent with Ergo Proxy as well. How much various traits manifested proportionally probably reflected memories and environment, but I don’t think the Ergo Proxy would have seemed like a complete stranger or a blindly murderous monster the way Vincent feared at times. Honestly, Monad probably shared qualities with Re-L and REAL too, although that might take closer scrutiny. For them, I think truth and compassion are probably heavily intertwined values consistent across all three but manifesting differently due to experience.

- I actually think it’s very ambiguous what Vincent plans to do with respect to the returning humans. Proxy One wanted revenge, and Vincent calls himself the proxy of death in his last line, but I think Vincent impulsively complying with a scheme someone else made for him would detract in a way. The humans returning are the descendants of the humans who left rather than the same specific people, and holding them responsible for an inherited crime is not honest or spiritually human behavior. It would be like blaming clones, or autoreives, or proxies. I think what Vincent is as the proxy of death ties more to say, death in tarot. He tears down the structures that exist (in this case artificial postmodern structures) so that something new can be born from the ashes. This parallels off of the role of proxies in ending the polluted, artificially corrupted world so that true life and habitable nature can return. Ergo Proxy is the equalizer, he is change, he is biology and inevitable traditions.

- I think Re-L leaving in a final battle she could not make a physical difference in shows her faith in Vincent and her acknowledgment that it is his fight to win or lose, not hers. She tells him to find her again as a mark of confidence. I think it’s relevant that she also goes to try and first see if she can make a difference for Romdeau, then when that fails to wrap up her own affairs with Daedalus and ensure her own survival rather than being a burden. Tradition, faith (Re-L’s last line is even “I have faith” in the dub, this is not strictly religious so much as belief in some greater force than herself or any one individual), and communal bonds are not broken IMO by her trusting Vincent to his fight. She has responsibilities of her own. As a series Ergo Proxy is simultaneously postmodern and a vocal rejection of postmodernism IMO, from start to finish. Pino’s choice not to wait around uselessly but to address her own responsibilities and loose ends parallels in a similar way. All people have responsibilities to themselves as well as to one another, and there are some situations that we can only face ourselves. Re-L, Vincent, and Pino all have trust in each other’s strength to face the individual obstacles and to still be there for each other in their aftermath. And by each facing individual struggles alone, Vincent, Re-L, and Pino are also cut from the same cloth of humanity and are shown to be very similar after all. That’s how it is in real life, after all--we can lean on each other and offer advice, but ultimately we do all have our own choices to make.