#i literally do 95% of the laundry too like why

[elysiumcalled]

long stupid rant below feel free to scroll on 🤣

I think my mum is getting annoyed at me making a few comments about her being messy and lazy lmao but every time I try to civilly bring up how it‘s not fair that I’m constantly cleaning up after (I get very unnecessarily angry about it sometimes lol) but she tells me off for moaning about her 😃 Like excuse me I am very quiet about how annoyed I get and I hate that it makes me mad at her for something so petty but it’s been going on for ages now 😭 I think ever since I’ve worked from home (I literally still work at home every day) it drives me insane to have it be too messy (and DIRTY) but mum is only at home 2/5 days do I don’t think it bothers her as much lol

[areasontoexist]

a September 7th night blog

Im trying to be consistent with this. I swear i am. Ive been so sleepy though. The past two/three nights ive been asleep before 9pm its crazy.

I think i discovered the trick to living a healthy lifestyle: be lonely and bored. All my friends are gone. Only my best friend reaches out to me one or twice a day. Ive got my morning job. Its really motivating as i have to wake up at 6:30 and then im done before 9am. I've had 3 days in a row of walks and a couple last week too. Im in my housewife era lol. I have been folding my laundry, cooking, cleaning, running errands, etc.

Since im done with my morning job so early, i decided to go back to my old parttime job for 3 days a week in the afternoons. I have been getting really bored by the time 2pm or 3pm rolls around so i decided, why not? Today was my first day back in a few months and it went pretty well but we closed early due to the heat.

Speaking of... why is it 95 degrees in september. Where was this weather in july? After it rained literally all summer. Its making my hot girl walks way harder.

Ive been watching so many steven universe video essays. I dont know why. I never fully finished the show even though id like to. I do think the finale is super cool. A lot of people misconstrue a ton of stuff in the video essays critiquing it tbh.

Oh, big moves were made today. I scheduled a dentist and doctor appointment for next week on Monday and Tuesday. I am nervous but trying not to think about it.

Tomorrow im going to bake!!

[wintaejk]

Jungkook’s FIC REC | OS 2

I had too many links on the other post. Here is the second part of my Jungkook’s fic rec but with others themes.

Again, all those fictions belong to the amazing authors who wrote them, not me. I want to thank them once more. 

(f) = fluff

(a) = angst

(m) = mature

magical au

— Trick or Treat: Howling for You (F) (M) — by @fortunexkookie​

The way your Little Red Riding Hood costume lured over a fuckboy in a half-assed werewolf costume was a little cliche, but god damn was he beautiful. He promised he had plenty of big things to show you, and you took him up on the offer, not realizing that you might’ve bitten off more than you could chew.

werewolf au | established relationship | +14k

— rottenfolk (M) — by @junqkook​

a look was as hazardous as chemicals, a kiss as perilous as poison; his eyes and lips felt akin to a cure, but he was purely venom.

faerie au | royalty au | +13k

Commentary - If there’s only one one-shot I could recommend you to read of all tumblr, it would probably be this one. For me, it is rare to acheive such a level of mastery in fantasy fictions. Writing is already complicated, but when you have to place the readers in an unknown universe, it is even harder.                         However, the real brilliance of this story is the end. Because the end is supposed to satiate the reader in a way or another, it is supposed to offer what all the reader craved: a sort of closure. But here we all are, waiting for a sequel, because this story will make you want a next episode. And that is the brilliance, because you will surely never forget a story with that kind of power.                         So those are some of the reasons why this fiction is for me a mix of art, smartness and excellence ; and also why you would be missing something huge by not reading it.

— overdrive (M) — by @junqkook​

you thought meeting jungkook was just a coincidence, but the universe didn’t deal in coincidences.

vampire au | soulmate au | enemies to lovers | +13k

— Crescent Bound - Jungkook (F) (M) — by @parkhabits​

A pact bound by the moon. A secret kept only amongst themselves. Each of them experiencing their own cycles of heat.

werewolf au | friends to lovers | +12k

— Room 109 (M) — by @lavishedinjimin​

Having Jungkook as your apartment buddy was a lot to get used to. But with one early day, your heat comes up much stronger than usual, and you were desperate for an alpha’s touch.

werewolf au | roommate au | alpha!jungkook | +6k

— after dark (M) — by @seokoloqy​

Jungkook has served the royal family for generations, seen them live and die countless times. When it comes to you, he can’t watch you wither away too, but your lust for one another makes it harder and harder to stay apart.

vampire au | royalty au | knight!jungkook | +8k

— Life’s Blood (F) (A) (M) — by @littlenoona​

You produce blood cells at an increased rate when blood is lost, effectively, you cannot bleed out. This ability has served you well so far, even gaining you a rare friend, and you’ve made it your source of income, but it also has its downsides, one of which you’ve managed to avoid successfully, until now.

vampire au | +13k

— you come in waves (A) (M) — by @angelguk​

if jeongguk had a choice, he would destroy the sun. it’s not like he needed it for warmth due to his werewolf abilities making him a scorching radiator. it would also help his heart. because you look delectable in that stupid bikini.

werewolf au | friends to lovers au | 4k

— tell me your secrets (i’m all ears) (F) — by @jinpire​

You’re not afraid of Jeon Jeongguk. Even if he’s probably some kind of bear or giant cat shifter, and just a hint of his irritation had your instincts vibrating beneath your skin like a live wire. Your thumb brushed over the plastic dome of mini-Levi’s head, taking comfort in the cartoon scowl and dead eyes, the tiny grey sticks of his 3DM gear. Small could be pretty fucking powerful too.

shifter au | college au | bunny!kook | +6k

drabbles: nooks and naps - foxie moxie (don’t pull my tail) - look before you leap  - fluffles and kerfuffles

— Pomegranate Seeds (M) — by @taetaebaepsae​

Jungkook thinks he’s found the perfect new roommate, but little doesn’t he know you’re just aching to corrupt him.

demon au | roommate au | virgin!jungkook | +4k

other themes

— Every Kind of Way (F) (M) — by @taehyungforreal​

{Three little vignettes, three completely different experiences, same perfectly wonderful boyfriend JK.}

strangers to lovers  | established relationship  | +14k

Commentary - I remember when this fiction was posted. I read the teaser a few days before, and I was waiting for it. I remember the exact date of the release of this story, and let me tell you it never happens to me. But this is how much I liked this story. This masterpiece.                         This fiction is 95% made of smut. This is a warning if you don’t like that. However, what I like about Ashley’s works is that smut is not only smut (okay, sometimes it’s just pure filth but whatever). It’s not the first time I’ve read a piece of work of her and that I’ve been so thankful of reading her. Because the stories she writes are realistic. Sex is not always perfect. Sex is not always like in porn. Sex can be embarrassing. And this is why I love what Ashley writes, because she always have that realistic point of view on life. And sometimes it’s also nice to not turn everything into porn.                          What is very likeable - I said likeable? I meant loveable, sorry - about that story is also the three different stages of the relation of Jk and reader. This is also something I like about her writings. Life evolves, relationships evolve, and so does sex. So in this story, you will experience three different Jungkook. And it’s three reasons why you should read this fiction, three reasons why you will probably love it.                          One thing is sure, this chef-d’oeuvre will leave you wondering if your eyes have been burnt by the smuttiness or blessed by all the talent of this writer.

— tattooed two (ft. kth) (F) (M) — by @httpjeon​

your boyfriend’s best friend joins you for a night you’ll never forget.

tattoo artist au | established relationship  | poly au  | +8k

— Inkling (A) (M) — by @gguksgalaxy​

Jungkook is your brother’s boyfriend’s co-worker, they own a tattoo and piercing parlour. In other words, he’s tall, gorgeous, has his passion literally etched into his skin, looks incredibly good in a man-bun, and is semi-unattainable for you. Why? Well…you’re not entirely sure but him ditching right after a very heated make-out session sure isn’t a good sign. His extremely poor mood the next week sure isn’t either, but the only way to fix it is to face the beast head-on. Right?

tattoo artist au  | +17k

— Freak-quency (M) — by @taehyungforreal​

His eyes sparkle and he fights back a smile when he asks you why. “Is it because I didn’t give you something else to swallow like I said I would,” he questions, halfway through a much less subtle adjustment of his growing erection. Yoongi was right, he wants to be in trouble.

rockstar au  | established relationship  | +8k

— Boots (M) —

3000+ words of Ashley kinking on Jungkook’s boot. That’s it.

rockstar au  | established relationship  | part of Freak-quency  | +3k

— Heartbreaker with a Heart of Gold (A) (M) — by @filmflowersbangtan​

It was around this time almost three years ago when Jungkook moved to LA after his band got signed to a famous record label. He told you that he’d keep in contact with you. That he’d visit as much as he could. That he loved you. But about a month after leaving, he stopped texting and calling as much. And then a mere week after the band’s first EP dropped, Burning Rabbit was a sensation.

rocksatr au | ex lovers  | +3k

— Brother’s best friend (M) — by @lavishedinjimin​

In which Y/n owns a smut blog dedicated to her crush and brother’s best friend, jungkook. it was all fun and games until he finds out about it and acts it out with you.

brother’s best friend!jungkook  | +5k

— Sugarplum Elegy (F) (A) (M) — by @bymoonchild​

You know no bounds nor depth with Jungkook. While your fuck buddy loves sleeping in your bed and doing laundry for you with his favourite fabric softener, you are in love with a mysterious honeyed, velvety voice on Soundcloud. All’s fine, until you find out that the voice that metaphors your heart to a sweet sugarplum melody actually belongs to the boy who has been taking up a special spot in your bed and in your heart, strumming at your heartstrings all this while.

friends with benefits  | college au  | idiots to lovers | +17k

— The Kids Aren’t Alright (F) (A) (M) — by @sketchguk​

Sneaking around with Jeongguk during your Christian retreat is complicated when you’re both dedicated to your jobs as co-youth group counselors at your father’s ministry.

friends with benefits  | pastor’s kid!reader  | +10k

— Gym (F) (M) — by @hobiwonder​

Jungkook has a crush on you and has been watching you work out at his gym. One day you finally confront his obvious crush.

business woman!reader  | fratboy!jungkook  | older reader | +8k

— Gravity Check (M) — by @gimmesumsuga​

The one where Jungkook is your oh-so-handsome climbing instructor.

climbing instructors!jungkook  | strangers to lovers  | 14k

— The Monogamy Monologues (F) (M) — by @kpopfanfictrash​

The year? Some point after college. The occasion? Namjoon is getting married and the Rich Man’s Crochet Club has convened once again. Somewhere between the drinks and the laughter, everyone has the same realization: Jungkook has never been in a serious relationship. In the name of all that is holy (Overwatch and booze), the club’s mission is revived. Now though, their goal is much more perilous. Now, they aim to find Jeon Jungkook a girlfriend. (Part of The Rich Man’s Crochet Club series)

fuckboy!jungkook  | wedding planner!reader  | strangers to lovers  | +42k

— The Virgin Volume (F) (A) (M) —

This fic exists in the RMCC universe. It takes place before RMCC and is the story of how Jungkook lost his virginity. To quote Seokjin/Namjoon: “What Jungkook doesn’t know won’t hurt him and – let’s be honest – his story is hilarious. One pump,” Seokjin laughs, sounding like a hyena. “One pump and he’s done.” // Ducking his head, Namjoon tries not to smile. “It was a rookie mistake,” he protests, defending their friend. “Jungkook was overexcited and couldn’t control himself. He got better.”

college au  | friends to lovers  | prequel to TMM  | +6k

— everlasting (A — by @kimvvantae​

being able to love the same person forever is a blessing given from the heavens. to you, however, eternity has become a curse.

reincarnation au  | 18k

— Performances (M) — by @littlenoona​

The same handsome guy has been appearing at your performances and you become more and more interested in who he is - now you’re dancing only for him, despite a hall full of people.

strangers to lovers  | professional dancer!reader  | +6k

— Matching Hearts (F) (A) — by @gukwluv​

a drunk call to your ex boyfriend leads to a night of fun adventures that make you wonder why you even split in the first place.

exes au | +3k

— locker room talk (M) — by @minnpd​

You end up having a rather heated talk with Jeon Jungkook in the locker room when he announces he has been chosen for the audition you both participated to.

dancer au | enemies to lovers | fuckboy!jungkook | +5k

— not quite lovers (M) — by @junqkook​

hiring jeon jungkook as your personal assistant happens to have more than one perk.

workplace au | friends with benefits | ceo!reader | +15k

— By Its Cover (M) — by @gimmesumsuga​

The one where Jungkook makes a very bad first impression.

workplace au | enemies to lovers | 21k

— Mind in the Gutter (F) (M) — by @kpopfanfictrash​

Starting over is never fun. Especially not when you decide to take the phrase fully to heart; new job, new city, new coworkers and new relationships. When you are dragged to a happy hour by your new co-worker, Taehyung, you end up sitting beside a (very) cute, (very) shy IT worker named Jungkook. Several drinks later, he mentions he is in a professional bowling league with his friends and you rather enthusiastically invite yourself along. As time passes and you begin to grow closer, you still find it impossible to read Jungkook. Working in the same company and seeing each other so often, it is only so long before one of you snaps. But who?

workplace au | bowling au | strangers to friends to lovers | +18k

[a-walking-fandom-reference]

Uh hey so i had a question?? Maybe you could help idk but I'm having trouble finding a stim that works right now?? I don't have any stim toys but i normally find other things that work for me and i keep flapping my hands but it's not really helping?? Idk it's very frustrating and i feel like im trapped in my skin

Hey! Sorry i didn’t respond sooner but i totally get this. I definitely have times where i super need to stim but nothing feels right or works and it’s so so frustrating. I didn’t have any stim toys either till a couple years ago and even now i just have some fidget spinners, a fidget cube, and a chew necklace. i’m gonna list some stims i do or stim with besides those and hand flapping (which i do a lot too) and hopefully it’s helpful for you. warning: this is wayyyyy too long and has way more information then you asked for but finally got those adhd meds again so i’m like oh can’t stop typing (typing stim right there).

(p.s. if you or anyone ever wants to talk or ask about neurodivergent stuff feel free to i’m always happy to talk about or help and my inbox and dms are always open)

chewing: i chew on stuff a lot to stim (even though it’s like the worst stim for my tmj) and sometimes find myself eating stuff just to move my mouth. but mostly i chew on my shirt collar a lot or just have it in my mouth a lot of the time, i also love gum and hard candies but tic tacs are my favorite but i end up eating a whole container of them when i have them because i just love chewing them. also uncooked pasta is a favorite to chew on. i also sometimes chew on pens

listening: i listen to songs, tv episodes, and podcasts on repeat a lot like a lot a lot. i don’t like quiet most of the time or not really quiet because i can hear everything around me all the time but like i don’t really like that either so. i listen to my brother my brother and me like 24/7 i’ve listened to all the podcast episodes? like way too many times, i also listen to bojack or bob’s burgers a lot because i’ve also seen the episodes so many times i know exactly what’s happening in every scene, the music i listen to on repeat is either a single song or an album, so show yourself, rewrite the stars, words fail, etc or frozen ii, jatp, dear evan hansen albums. i also cover and uncover my ears a lot because i like the noise.

touching: i love feeling stuff mostly soft stuff so petting my cats or rabbit, feeling blankets, holding and rubbing stuffed animals

smell: i’m super sensitive to like 95% of smells but the smells i do like i can smell for hours and are big stim i’ve been doing for a long time specifically laundry detergent so i put my shirt over my nose a lot also my haunted mansion themed body wash is my favorite scent ever and so i just smell that and it really calms me

vocal: i don’t talk a lot i’m a fairly quiet person and could and have gone days without speaking but i can be loud and talkative when hyper or infodumping and have always stimmed a lot vocally. i hum a lot or just make noises or beats, i have a kind of odd vocal stim where i just kind of sing old mcdonald randomly (i don’t know why but i’ve done it for a while) and also echolalia, a lot of them are just weird and everyone around me is like please stop saying, “it’s not just food, it’s fourth meal” but i love echolalia i think it’s a super cool thing autistics do!

body stims/stuff with my hands: i rub my hands together, crack my knuckles, clap, drum with my hands on anything and everything (i was a percussionist in middle school band and have always loved the drums so) i also use pencils/chopsticks/paint brushes or anything and drum on tables or just air drum with imaginary drumsticks. i twirl my hair a lot and now that it’s longer i do little braids braiding is such a nice stim. i also do body stims that aren’t good for my joint hypermobility but like i just need to do them sometimes, such as doing circles with my wrist or ankle or hyperextending my elbow. one of my favorite stims i do and one i do mostly in public because i need room (and since covid and like barely ever leaving my house when i do go out i do it a lot) is i kind of jump up and lift one leg in the air and clap under my leg. that probably sounds weird and like it kind of is but whatever stims can be weird and that’s great! i also rock back and forth on my heals a lot.

visual: i’m not a person that gets into a lot of like stimboards and stuff because a lot of stim gifs aren’t stuff i like but my favorite stim gifs or videos are calligraphy writing ones, cooking/cake decorating, nail painting, and just food recipe videos. sometimes i’ll just end up in a wormhole on pinterest of food recipe vids, like they are never foods i could actually eat or ever need the recipe for but i just love watching them (except meat heavy ones i just don’t like looking at meat). also i love watching fandom video edits on instagram i have like a bajillion saved and watch them all the time. i also love love watching gifs of characters stimming and sometimes just go through my autistic collection to watch these gifs for hours.

random stims: one of biggest stims is playing with toy cars and toy skateboards. i just kind of roll them on my arms/hands/legs or tables. i actually take a mcdonald’s clone wars anakin skateboard toy like everywhere with me, and i love it i found it at my gramma’s house years ago and it’s become like a comfort item at this point and of course because of adhd i lose everything i touch so before i leave the house i’m always like where is my anakin skywalker skateboard. i also have a lightning mcqueen car that was my comfort stim toy before anakin and i still take him a lot of places too. i also love wear rings to stim with, i don’t have any like spinning rings or anything yet but i just like twisting them on my finger a lot, my favorite to do that with is my great grandmother’s spoon ring it’s the perfect thing to twist and i love it. i also like pressure stims sometimes if my body can handle it like putting couch cushions on me or my weighted blanket. i also just play with my pop socket a lot and use it so much i broke the top of it off but i don’t know what i would do without it.

sorry that was way too long and way too much information and i don’t even know if any of that was helpful at all but i really hope something was or it gave you an idea for a different stim. like i said before you can literally ask me about anything especially neurodivergent stuff.

[mychemicalficrecs]

literally just. decent waycest fics. im begging you here

Absolutely no need to beg! I'm always happy to rec waycest!

Gerard/Mikey

like it was yesterday by akamine_chan, 869 words, Mature. Gerard expects things to feel different. He's not sure why, but after all they've been through recently, it just seems like it should be awkward and weird between them.

Untitled by oliviacirce, 943 words, Teen And Up Audiences. The problem, Gerard thinks morosely, as he watches Mikey pick out chords on his bass, is that he read The Mists of Avalon at an impressionable age. Fucking Marion Zimmer Bradley should come with a warning label.

We can keep in time by rivers_bend, 3k, Explicit. They’ve been on the road less than two weeks, but it’s been almost four since Mikey and Gerard did more than peck each other on the lips.

until the end, until this blood by MistressKat, 21k, Exlicit. "The long-term outcomes of this group depend on the age of onset, the length of the initial SOC (sensory overload coma) and, most importantly, on how quickly a successful bond can be formed. Across the eighteen studies reviewed, the cohorts on average demonstrated a 95% survival rate if guide bond was established within first four weeks, declining to less than 50% at six months and steadily thereafter. Reflecting the circumstances, the subsequent sentinel-guide pairs are likely to be atypical, and often require an extended period of adjustment. The policy implications are significant. The authors recommend a full scale audit of the current screening processes, to increase the likelihood of early detection. Further research into the experiences of late onset sentinels and their bonded guides should focus on identifying the best practice in sanctuary support." - Finch, H., Keele, A., & Warner, E. (2017). A Systematic Review on Late Onset Sentinels: Risk Factors, Protective Factors and Outcomes. International Journal of Sentinel Studies, 39(2): 773-804.

Beyond the Dark Horizon by turps, 24k, Mature. Knowing the authorities would never allow them to be together, Gerard and Mikey took the only option left to them and ran. They've spent years travelling between planets with only minimal supplies and two space bikes to their name, all the while knowing that if they get caught they'll be shipped back to Earth and separated for ever. It's a risk that's working well for them, until the day Mikey gets hit by a shot from a blaster. With his brother dangerously ill, Gerard has never felt so helpless and alone. Afraid, sure he's doing the wrong thing but unable to think of an alternative, Gerard leaves Mikey and sets off to find Toro, a legendary medic operating out of zone eight. It's a journey that not only provides a way to save Mikey's life, but one that allows Gerard to discover that, no matter what he thinks, sometimes people do understand, and that home is the place that you make it.

Sharpest Lives by MistressKat, 330 words, Explicit. It couldn’t be wrong if Mikey liked it too.

Interstice by inlovewithnight, 2k, Explicit. Mikey starts peeling off layers of sweat-stiff clothes as soon as he gets in the door of the hotel room.

Legs to the Wall by inlovewithnight, 2k, Explicit. This is the part where Mikey can really get into the game.

Dem Dry Bones by orphan_account, 2k, Explicit. A kiss on his right knee, then the left.

colder as the years go, warm yourself again by annemari, 29k, Explicit. Mikey's fucking lucky to know so many great dudes he can hook up with. Especially Travie, who's fucking great and willing to tie Mikey up and hurt him if Mikey asks. It doesn't matter that he's avoiding Gerard and Gerard has no clue what he's getting up to. Mikey's not actively hiding it. It's just, it's kind of hard to talk to your brother about your sex life. Especially when you're in love with him.

Blood...It's Everything by gala_apples, 3k, Explicit. Mikey gets turned into a vampire. Surprisingly little changes.

Brand New City by preblematic, 1k, Explicit. Honey, what'd you take?

Everybody's Talking 'bout the New Kid in Town by romanticalgirl, 1k, Teen And Up Audiences. They're new in town. No one knows that they're related. And being Mikey's brother never got him anywhere (written for the Bandom Pretend Dating Festival

Can't Touch My Brother by alpheratz, 11k, Explicit. "Mikey turned twelve five days ago and he hasn’t been able to feel anything in exactly a year. " Haven-inspired AU of sorts where Mikey feels nothing but Gerard's touch.

through broad streets and narrow by frausorge, 1k, Teen And Up Audiences. Drops were welling up in the cut, faster and thinner and brighter than any joint oil could be.

i hear you like the wild stuff by inlovewithnight, 778 words, Explicit. It probably says something about them that “sick shit” didn’t include talking about kinks with your brother.

boys, boys, it's a sweet thing by inlovewithnight, 3k, Mature. An excerpted month from Gerard's Internet life as a sex blogger.

Today is Tomorrow by alpheratz, 12k, Explicit. They haven't even been a band for two years, and they’re opening for Midtown. Gerard just wishes Mikey would stop telling him about sex with Gabe. And having sex with Gabe where Gerard can see them. And, really, having sex with Gabe at all, especially since Mikey doesn't even seem to be getting orgasms out of it.

Don't Know Where We Belong by nilyn (escherzo), 9k, Explicit. But then, there’s always been something a little wrong with the two of them.

Trope Meme Ficlets by alpheratz, 541 words, pg. Gerard/Mikey truth or dare

into the rushing road below by nilyn (escherzo), 3k, Teen And Up Audiences. "Come with me. Just for a little while," Gerard repeats, and this time, Mikey says yes.

the ideal angels twist and turn by inlovewithnight, 2k, Teen And Up Audiences. She can feel him watching her, all concern and worry and love, while she strips off her outfit and digs through the laundry basket for something to sleep in.

Silicone and Love Bites by gala_apples, 1k, Mature. Five times Gerard kisses Mikey's neck.

[floralseokjin]

— crystallised 04 (m)

crystallised /ˈkrɪst(ə)lʌɪz/ (verb) make or become definite and clear

Six weeks, that’s all it takes to forget about the threesome you shared with your boyfriend, Yoongi, and your past…fuck buddy, Seokjin. After all, it’s no big deal. Yoongi and you are doing better than ever, there’s no reason to regret such a night shared. That is until you hear some gossip in the library one day, and then slowly, little by little, everything starts to fall apart… Can you begin to make sense out of all this confusion, or is it too late?

pairing; kim seokjin x reader genre/warnings;  college au, flashback indicated by italics (smut), slight angst, quite a lot of fluff, slow burn in a way, we’re still soft for moam seokjin 🤧 words; 24,347

sequel to; memoirs of a mistake and lostmyhead

chapters; 01 ⤑ 02 ⤑ 03 ⤑ 04 ⤑ 05 ⤑ 06 ⤑ 07⤑ 08 ✓

Yoongi came to pick up his things a few days after the break up like he said he would. The toothbrush and the razor left in your bathroom, a beanie, his hoody that he kept draped over your couch and then a pair of earphones you’d found on your bedside table. It all fitted into one bag. All you had to show for your relationship. All that was left. Once again, you were left wondering if you felt this way because of a broken heart, or if it was your own bitter disappointment at yet another failed relationship… This one wasn’t supposed to end like this. Yoongi was different, yet now you stood in front of him feeling like a stranger. Strange how things could change in a blink of an eye. When you finally stopped living in a dream world… 

“There’s really nothing that we can do?” 

You couldn’t help it. Despite knowing this wasn’t meant to be, knowing Yoongi and you weren’t right together, there was something still so desperate in you. Desperate for love, for happiness. It was pathetic really. Were you really willing to hold onto a relationship that wasn’t meant to be? You tried to think of Lina’s words of comfort as Yoongi shook his head sadly and embraced you. “Just because Yoongi is pretty much perfect doesn’t mean he’s right for you, and that’s okay. You’ll meet someone who is soon enough… Quit obsessing over it. It’ll only hurt more.”

You wrapped your arms around his middle, squeezing him tight just like your eyes. The way he smelt so familiar made your heart clench, seeming to beat in slow motion. Everything about him was familiar, but it didn’t seem like yours anymore. He wasn’t yours anymore, if he ever was… The past few days had made you think about a lot. The differences between Yoongi and you, ones that were probably small and meaningless but now seemed like enormous gaping holes in your doomed relationship. Lina was right. Yoongi was perfect, but he wasn’t your perfect. You needed to let that sink in and let him go. 

The strange thing was, once he left, you didn’t feel like crying. The morning had been nerve wracking while waiting for him to turn up, afraid you were going to burst into tears at seeing his face and make a fool of yourself, but it never came. There was sadness of course, but it just stayed heavy in your chest, there, but bearable. You phoned Lina shortly after, explaining what happened and told her how you felt. “That’s a good thing, right? No more tears”, she’d asked, and you had to agree. This was it. Things were back to how they used to be before Yoongi. That wasn’t a bad thing, it would just take some getting used to. You’d slowly feel less sad, less empty and more yourself. 

Lina asked if you wanted her to come over before work for a little while, just to keep you company but you declined. You’d be fine, you were fine. You needed to get used to being alone again, because since you’d told her about the break up she’d been like your second shadow. You’d only just gotten rid of her yesterday, because, yes, she had insisted on sleeping over 3 nights in a row, and yes, you had told her about the threesome-that-should-never-be-mentioned… You should have waited until she wasn’t chewing on popcorn to drop the bomb because you were about two seconds away from performing the Heimlich maneuver on her before the piece luckily dislodged itself. 

She was still trying to process the information to be honest, second guessing her opinion on Yoongi, because yes, she expected that type of behaviour from Seokjin, but Yoongi?! That was different. She couldn’t work out why he’d agreed to it… She couldn’t work out why you had agreed to it… But you weren’t about to dissect your brain to find the answers. It had happened, it was done. History. “Is it though? Seokjin’s sniffing around again pretty quickly…” had been her retort, to which you’d rolled your eyes at. Telling her you’d also hung out the night after the break up had been a mistake if she was going to make insane assumptions.  “We’re going to try being friends…” You’d sighed, knowing it was probably never going to get through to her. 

“TRY?! What does that mean? Do not tell me you’re even thinking about going back there?!”

“Of course not.” You’d punctuated slowly, glaring at her. “It means we’ve never been just friends before and we want to try because believe it or not, I like Seokjin as a person. Maybe if you looked past your poor misjudgement you’d see he’s not that bad.” 

“Seems fake, but okay.” 

You had to shut yourself up in the end, unsure why you were so defensive over him to begin with. Seokjin probably didn’t give a shit what Lina thought about him. So you shook your head, dismissing the stupid conversation. “Trust me, if Seokjin wanted to sleep with me again, he’d just say it outright. He doesn’t work under false pretences.” 

It was dumb even saying the words. Seokjin and you were also done, just like you and Yoongi. History. The only difference was there was little damage done between you both, a friendship could still happen. With Yoongi, despite what he said, it seemed impossible to be just friends right now. You knew he hadn’t wanted to hurt you, and you knew the break up was the right choice, but now your trust in him was a little tainted…

Lina had relented anyway, knowing it was none of her business to interfere, just like she relented when you insisted you could handle today on your own. There were floors to vacuum, laundry to wash, Netflix series to binge… You’d be fine. Although, when your phone rang again ten minutes later you were 95% sure it was her again, unable to take no for an answer. However, it wasn’t. 

It was Seokjin. You felt oddly nervous when you answered. You hadn’t seen him nor heard his voice since the other night he’d come around with take out, but you’d messaged on and off in between, and yes, you had wished him luck for his test. It was still a little new, this friendship thing, and it seemed you both didn’t know how to get it to progress without feeling awkward. He sounded awkward now as he spoke… 

“Hey… How are you?” He didn’t give you time to reply. “How did things with Yoongi go? Unless he hasn’t been yet–Has he been yet? Sorry,” he broke off to chuckle quietly at himself. “I’m bombarding you. I just… I wanted to see if you’re okay…” 

That touched you, made your chest warm, a smile appearing on your face that you were kinda glad he couldn’t see right now. “I’m fine, Dad.” 

“Dad?” He repeated, confused laughter now ringing in your ears. “You know I don’t like being called that.” 

You rolled your eyes, but at the same time not quite believing he’d gone there. Automatically your mind went places. You and him. A few months back. That was dangerous territory. You shook your head, physically shaking the memories away. “There’s a difference, Jin. Dad means you’re acting like my literal dad right now.” 

“Ew,” he simply replied, before he paused. He sounded hesitant when he continued. “I can tell by your voice that everything’s okay?” 

“Yeah,” you sighed lightly. You’d mentioned to Seokjin that today was the day last night through text, but you weren’t expecting him to phone and check up on you. That was sweet of him. “Yoongi left about half an hour ago. Took his stuff. I didn’t cry, so that’s good.” 

“Definitely,” Seokjin agreed quietly. 

You could hear people chattering in the background, guessing he was out in public somewhere. You absentmindedly stretched your arm above your head, catching yourself in the mirror where you stood and carried on talking. “So now I guess that’s it. I get used to being a lonely, old cat lady – just without the cats.” 

That made him snicker. You smiled. You always did like making him laugh. “Shut up. Hey, are you staying at home today?” 

“Mhm hm,” you nodded. Unable to help feeling a little curious. 

“Oh.” There was a pause, and you wondered if that was it. Was he just making small talk? It had sounded like he was about to suggest something. You waited patiently. Maybe a little hopefully. You heard him take a large breath. At least it sounded that way. “I’m in the Starbucks near campus trying to hit 2k words on this essay. Wanna join me?” 

You caught yourself smiling again. You’d been right. “Won’t you get distracted?” 

He scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself.” Before quickly backtracking. “Just kidding.” As if you didn’t know. “Can’t you bring some work along? We can motivate each other.” 

Hm. You had already told Lina you were going to stay in and do housework but fresh air seemed like something that could do you good. There was no point staying inside and moping around, plus, you could make a start on some assignments… “I do have something in by Thursday.” You made up your mind instantly. 

“Perfect.” 

“Give me half an hour.” 

You were a little longer than that. You needed to brush your hair, then change, because 2-day old sweats probably weren’t acceptable. Somewhere along the way you decided to apply some make up, the first time since the break up. It was really no big deal, you could’ve gone without, but it felt good to feel a little more human again. You grabbed what you needed and text Seokjin you were leaving. Starbucks was only about a ten-minute walk away so he knew when to roughly expect you. You were oddly excited. It had been a few days since you’d last seen him and if you were being honest, you’d been wondering when the next chance to hang out would arise. 

He greeted you with a, “Got you a tea. Two sugars. Just how you like it,” which for some reason struck at heartstring. 

“You remembered.” 

“Of course.” He gave a little shrug as you pulled up the chair opposite him. “It wasn’t that long ago, plus you’re like the only person I know who hates coffee.” 

That was true. He’d found it out the first time you’d (accidentally) slept over. Handing you a coffee in the morning definitely didn’t make you happy. Nor did not having any tea bags in his apartment. He soon learnt. 

“What’s your essay on?” You asked, motioning to his laptop and laughed when he pulled a face. 

“I don’t know. Something about the London stock market or some shit.” 

“How come Kim Seokjin majors in the most boring subject known to man?” 

“I’m hardly fun, am I?” He chuckled. Thinking about it, Seokjin was probably the dorkiest certified fuckboy you’d ever known, so maybe the business major did suit him really well. He was a good boy really. You teased him with that immediately when he judged you for pulling an iPad out of your bag to write your essay. (Who writes essays on an iPad?!) A good boy who always did his assignments on time (nearly) and always studied hard. How adorable. 

He took your ribbing all afternoon, even though surprisingly you did manage to get some work done. You probably would’ve stayed there until an employee kicked you out but Seokjin had a shift at the campus gym to get to. It was in your direction home, so you said you’d walk with him as you waited for him to shove his things into his backpack. 

“You look happier today,” he smiled your way as you left. Maybe he’d wanted to tell you that sooner considering how his shoulders relaxed a lot more as you began walking. The side eyes hadn’t gone amiss. 

“I have make up on.” You informed him. That could deceive anyone. 

He laughed, nudging your shoulder with his. “That’s not it.” Another side eye, a small small. 

“What?” You giggled. Maybe you did feel happier? You were so sure today would hurt the hardest, but in actual fact, you just felt lighter. The worst was done. 

“Nothing,” Seokjin shook his head lightly. “I just thought you’d be really cut up, that’s all.” 

“What do you want from me?” You exclaimed dramatically with a laugh. “Want me to be crying on your shoulder?!” You nudged him this time. He stumbled a little and you rolled your eyes, unable to tell if he was just messing with you. 

“No,” he whined. “I want this. Hearing your laugh again. You rolling your eyes at me. Watch it.” He warned, pointing his finger as he caught you doing it again. “You’ll lose them.” You both laughed together as you walked on. Yes, maybe it was slightly awkward, conversation stunted because Seokjin was still second guessing his comforting skills and you were unsure on how much to divulge in fear of making him too uncomfortable. Not that you really had much to tell anymore. You mostly just wanted to forget this horror of a week, so really, Seokjin was doing a great job. You told him just as much. 

“Thank you.” He looked comically unsure as he glanced at you. “For today. I’m happier because this cheered me up.”

 A crooked smile appeared on his face but you barely had any time to acknowledge it because you were taken by surprise when his arm wrapped around your shoulder. It took you a stunted moment to realise he was swiftly moving you out of harms way. Two seconds away from colliding with a man in suit who was looking down at his phone as he headed towards you. Embarrassingly, your own body had acted without command and it was too late to stop your own arm from clinging around his middle. Like a reflex. A strange and stupid reflex. You quickly removed it and and muttered your thanks. 

If he noticed your awkwardness he didn’t bring it up. Instead, chuckling under his breath, he squeezed your shoulder before sliding away. “I’m getting good at this friendship thing.” You nodded in agreement, gaze locked on the floor, but his sudden voice in your ear made you jump. “I’m glad you’re okay.” It was embarrassing, how skittish you felt over nothing. What was up with you? You were definitely allowed to touch Seokjin, and the action shouldn’t make you feel so embarrassed. You were being dumb. You shook yourself internally, looking up at him to agree. “Me too.” 

He grinned, showing no signs he’d noticed your odd behaviour and you relaxed, a little more normal now when you felt his palm at the small of your back, gently pushing you forward. “Come on. Before my boss slits my throat.” 

The walk wasn’t too long away from the gym, but you still scolded him as you rushed, wondering why you couldn’t have left earlier if he knew he had to get to work. You arrived at the glass doors a little out of breath and slightly warm. Seokjin was of course looking as perfect as always. No blemishes on his face while you had to hide about 4 today with concealer. You saw him off with a, “Good luck finishing that really boring essay,” wondering silently when you’d get to see him next. 

He grinned. “Thanks. I’ll need it. Hey–” His hand reached for your wrist, stopping you from leaving as you turned, and you tilted your head, wondering what he could want. He shuffled on his feet, suddenly unable to meet your eyes. “This sounds really random… You can say no if you want to.” He paused to shrug. “It’s just I really want to see Endgame but everyone I know is going with their girlfriends so unless I third wheel—which I doubt they’ll let me anyway, I have no one to go with…” He stopped to glance at you, sounding hopeful. “What do you say?” 

Your eyebrows creased together. “What’s Endgame?” Either you were really dumb or Seokjin was just forgetting who he was talking to. Maybe it was a bit of both by the sounds of his voice. 

“Serious?” Your blank expression told him that you were. He whined your name dramatically, clocking into work now the last thing on his mind. “It’s the new Avengers movie. The Avengers. Please tell me you know what I’m on about because otherwise we cannot be friends.”

“Of course I know what you’re on about. I just didn’t know there was a new movie, that’s all.” You shrugged and he looked instantly relieved. “I’ll come with you. Hate for you to be a loner.” 

“Really?” He sounded surprised.

You nodded with a hum. “I’ll have no clue what’s going on, but it’s fine.” 

“I’ll fill you in. Come on, you know Iron Man, right?” 

“Yes,” you exhaled. You weren’t completely stupid. “I know Iron Man. Robert Downey Jr is pretty hot.” He paused at that, visibly bemused. Whatever. You said what you said. 

“Go!” You exclaimed instead, waving your hand. He was going to be late, and you weren’t having him being fired on your conscience. “Before your boss slits that pretty little throat of yours.” 

Shit. Pretty?? Why had that left your mouth? You could tell by his small smirk he caught on too. You tried to hide the shock from your face. No big deal. It was a just a saying. You turned on cue, ready to dash. “I’ll text you tomorrow? We can work out when we’re both free?” 

You nodded quickly, turning to wave. “Bye, Seokjin.” 

.

.

…And with that your friendship began. At first it was… odd. Not a bad odd by any means, just weird. Weird to have him back in your life and weird in the way it was. Not even a year ago you’d found it hard to believe you were fuck buddies, in the loosest form of friendship, but now it was just buddy, and that was equally as hard to believe. At first. 

Once the bizarreness wore off, Seokjin’s company became so natural there didn’t seem to be a day that went past where you didn’t contact one another in some form or even hang out together. It was like he’d never not been there. Only this time it was better. You both agreed. 

Friendship blossoming between the two of you may have seemed impossible to others, considering the history that you shared, Hell, it had even seemed impossible to you, but it came easily and naturally. You enjoyed learning new things about him, and you thought it was the same for him. Why else would he be so keen to hang around? You didn’t know if Seokjin was having some kind of identity crisis or if he was just showing a new side of himself to you, but these days, he was different. Not vastly – the Seokjin you had grown to be fond of was still there, knew how to teasingly exasperate you, knew how to make you laugh, but now he was a little more serious, more mature. You’d seen glimpses of that behaviour when you were both hooking up, but to be honest the sex kind of distracted you from anything else, clouded your brain… You weren’t particularly interested in his friendship back then, it had just sort of come as a vague added bonus. One you passively enjoyed but didn’t think much about. 

Only, now you did see how much you’d missed him. You liked having him back in your life in this new way, and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t help distract you from your break up with Yoongi. Your chest was still heavy for a while afterwards, but you couldn’t even tell if it was a broken heart or a bruised ego. Maybe it was both, or neither… Sometimes the sadness felt strange and you couldn’t place it. Your head was still a mess and it looked like you’d never get any real answers—from Yoongi and your own mind and heart. You hated it, but you continued to remind yourself of the positives. You had loving parents only a few blocks away, great friends, Lina, who had always been your best, Seokjin… School was going well, work too, ever since you’d left shitty Wendy’s. You couldn’t really complain if one thing had gone wrong, could you? Time was all you needed, and gradually, that time with Yoongi became just a memory… Life continued going. 

Seokjin   Am I your best friend ?

You   what do you want 

You knew Seokjin well enough to know when he was buttering you up. Even after the time spent apart, it was still easy to spot the signs. That, and with these past couple of weeks,  Seokjin seemed to love using the friendship you two now had as some sort of leverage for god knows what. It was buying him lunch last week because he’d conveniently forgotten his wallet at home. Two days ago it was giving him a ride to Namjoon and Hoseok’s place because his car was out of gas and he didn’t want to walk. Now it was what exactly? The suspense was killing you. 

Seokjin   You know me well  But answer the question 

You  no 😂  lina is !!

Seokjin  😔 Am I your best guy friend then?

You yes but only by default

You had no other guy friend who messaged you at 2am just as you were about to hit the hay asking if you wanted to grab breakfast in the morning and then proceeded to unload his day on you as you lay there in the dark, glow of your cellphone screen hurting your eyes. Not that you minded really. You still felt like you owed Seokjin after the whole break up drama, so more often than not you were fishing for any signs of change in mood from him, waiting to pounce and pay him back in kind. Not that kind of kind though. 

You were always doing that. Accidentally dropping yourself in it, making things awkward. You’d told Seokjin exactly the same right at the beginning and you still weren’t over how red your face had gotten when you’d tried to explain yourself. “Payment in kind, like a-actual kind. Comfort for comfort…” You’d stammered. He’d just wiggled his eyebrows. “What type of comfort?” 

However Seokjin never gave you anything mood wise to go off, so you had to assume he was perfectly fine. Which he probably was. It was just if he wanted to ever lay bare his innermost thoughts and feelings you were there. You had a feeing if you ever told him that part he’d run for the hills. He was just happy moaning about his day through text message, sometimes call, and you happily listened even if you sometimes hummed in agreement without really concentrating... 

Seokjin  I’ll just ignore that  YAY so will you come see Endgame again?

You  AGAIN?! 

Seokjin  PLEASE  I need to go one more time before it leaves theatres 

You  ask sandeul that movie was a whole three hours long  THREE HOURS I’LL NEVER BET BACK 

Seokjin  He doesn’t want to go again  PLS I’LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT 

Couldn’t he just wait until it came out on blu-ray? Then again, the ‘I’ll do anything you want’ sounded like an offer you couldn’t refuse. Maybe you could make him live to regret taking another three hours of your life away. Not that the movie was terrible. It was actually pretty good considering Seokjin had managed to give you the previous lowdowns not an hour before the screening. He didn’t need to know that though. 

You  hmm interesting.. ok but i’m still thinking about what you can do for me 

Seokjin Omg yes  Thank you  I’ll pay again 

You  of course 

Seokjin  😁 I love you 3000 

You scoffed at his lame butter up. You’d already said yes, he didn’t need to sway you anymore, and an Avengers reference wasn’t going to do the trick anyway. It did make you laugh though, despite that line actually ruining you in the movie, and despite what Jin said, it ruined him too. You’d heard an awful lot of sniffing coming from beside you during that scene… 

That’s how you found yourself at the movie theatre again on the weekend, eagerly waiting in line to get snacks because you’d only just finished work an hour ago and were surviving off a sandwich you’d eaten at lunch. 

“Jin! Wassup brother?” 

The booming voice of one of Seokjin’s friends was impossible not to hear as he passed by. You vaguely knew his face. Couldn’t remember the name though. “Oh, hey Bri.” Ah. Brain. He was with his girlfriend—Jiyeon, you knew her name. She was in your fashion history class. She smiled at you and you returned it. 

“What you seeing?” Brian asked, making conversation. 

Seokjin chuckled. “Endgame. Second time. I had to bribe this one to come with me again.” He nudged you playfully, grinning down at you and you laughed along with him. 

“Oh?” Brain tilted his head, looking between you both almost curiously. It made you feel a little nervous and you ended up sidling closer to Seokjin. “How’s it going?” He definitely had a grin on his face when he asked you both that. He didn’t… He didn’t have the wrong idea, did he? 

Seokjin seemed to realise the same thing, shifting on his feet, sounding stunted when he replied. “G-good. Yeah. It’s going good.” 

“We’re seeing Dumbo.” Jiyeon cut in, probably sensing the awkwardness in the air. A true life saver. “I brought tissues just in case,” she giggled. 

“You’ll need them,” you informed her, still feeling relieved she’d changed the subject. “I saw that last week with my friend actually. We cried like babies.” 

“Oh, god,” Brian groaned. 

“Babe! Just because you’re scared you’ll cry too,” Jiyeon teased, elbowing him. 

“Never,” he insisted. You all laughed. “We better bounce.” He added, checking the time on his phone. “Movie’s in five. See you around.” He nodded at Seokjin first, then you. “Have a good one.” 

You swore he winked when he said that but you told yourself you were imagining it, waving after them just as it was your turn in line. After you’d paid for your snacks and were walking to the theatre room you glanced over at Seokjin. “You could’ve asked Bri to come with you. Is he a fan? Really, you know everyone.” You chuckled. 

“Hey, I’m a friendly guy,” he insisted. That was true. You swore Seokjin knew pretty much 70% of people around college, and you were pretty sure everyone liked him. He just had that type of aura. Well, nearly everyone. Yoongi was probably the only person you knew who had his problems, and given the history you didn’t really blame him. 

You were about to agree when Seokjin’s phone buzzed, signalling he had a text. He opened it up without glancing at the preview and you caught your name on the screen. So did he, you guessed because he quickly locked the device and shoved it in his pocket. 

“Who’s that?” You wondered. You already knew. 

“Just Brian. He, uh.” A pause. Like he was trying to think, and then he chuckled. “He said ‘Enjoy the movie, nerd’.” You joined him politely. You mean, Brian could’ve said that. You didn’t see the whole message, but your name was definitely there, and Seokjin was most definitely not telling you why. 

You glanced at him again, maybe he could see the suspicion on your face but he didn’t say anything. Neither did you. You could see how flush his cheeks had gotten, ears too. He was obviously feeling nervous that you’d press him further. You didn’t. You got it. People knew your history with Seokjin, it wasn’t a surprise to you anymore, and therefore, if they saw you together they’d probably think something was going on again. Like now. Brian had assumed something and that was okay. Awkward maybe, but to be expected. You smiled at Seokjin and handed him the popcorn. “He’s not wrong.” 

“Hey! But yeah, he would’ve said no if I asked.” His hand fell to your lower back as he teased you and let you walk through the door first, mouth lowering to your ear, making you squirm a little. It tickled, and your skin seemed to glow where he touched you. Warm and comforting. Warm and nice. “See, you’re my only choice.”

.

.

“So what are your favourite movies?” 

You let your head fall back against the headrest as you thought about Seokjin’s question. It was now over four hours later and you were parked outside your apartment. He’d given you a ride home but you’d been sat here for 30 minutes or so just talking casually. Something you hadn’t done so in-depth before. It felt nice, and you should’ve just invited him in, but in all honesty, for some reason you were worried he’d say no. 

“I don’t know, I’ll watch anything really.” You shrugged after a moment. Titanic seemed too predictable and you knew Seokjin would probably tease you over it. You quickly run through some of your favourites from your teenage years. Wait. “Maybe Lord of the Rings? I loved it when I was younger.” The books were still on your to read list though. You doubted you’d ever get around to it… 

“No way,” he exclaimed. “Me too!” You grinned in surprise. It was always fun realising you had things in common. The small, strange things that you’d never had any clue about. Things like favourite movies, music, or books never came into question when you were just fucking. 

“I haven’t seen them in years. I always wanted to watch the extended versions all in one go. I’d probably flake though.” 

“Same,” you laughed, before suddenly having an idea. “Wait. I think I know what we can do together seeing as you owe me.” 

He tilted his head as he smirked a little. “Watching a movie franchise I love isn’t a punishment.” 

You scoffed. “Watching Endgame twice was hardly terrible, Seokjin. I came again because I wanted to.” That made him happy. Although you thought he already knew that. These days you were just content hanging out with him, whatever the reason. You thought he knew that too. 

You could hear a voice, whispering – irritating really. You were sleeping and it was interrupting you. It seemed to be getting louder, sounded an awful lot like your name, and now you were getting shaken. Woken up. Voice now familiar. Hushing your name over and over again as they tried to rouse you. You made a noise and stretched, opening your eyes. Seokjin’s face hovered over yours, blue with the glow of the television. “It’s late. You should go to bed.” 

You bolted up, he just had time to pull back narrowly missing you head butting him. “What time is it?” You asked, rubbing your eyes. You were still in a daze. You remembered earlier in the night, it was your Lord of the Rings marathon you’d been planning for the last few days, and Seokjin had come over at 5pm to get an early start. You’d made snacks and then you’d ordered pizza after the first movie was done. You remembered finishing the second one and being shocked that you may actually be able to do this. That was until you began the third. You remembered hitting play and then that was it. “Did we finish Return of the King?” 

Seokjin laughed, sitting back against the couch again. “No. I paused it like twenty minutes in. You’ve been asleep for nearly two hours. You groaned, leaning back too and pulling the blanket you’d had draped across you all night up over your shoulders. “Don’t worry, you did good to last that long.” He continued. “It’s nearly 4am.” 

No wonder you were dead to the world, it was practically the next day. Seokjin ran a hand through his hair. It was a little bit rumpled and he moved sluggishly. He sounded a little sluggish too. Voice a little croaky. “Did you fall asleep too?” 

“Yeah. I couldn’t fight it.” He sounded sheepish. Guess he hated the failure too. “I think I can drive home though.” Sitting up, he made motions to stand. “Maybe I’ll have a glass of water first. Y’know, wake up.” 

“No way.” Your insistence came with trapping him with your legs. Not that it could work. He was much stronger than you, but he listened anyway, too tired to fight.  “You can stay over. Is the sofa okay?” 

He heaved an exhausted sigh, grabbing your ankles to move and lie across the couch, his legs now trapping your body instead. Grinning, he reached for a cushion and put it behind his head, folding an arm behind there too. “Good thing it’s comfy.” 

You tried to wriggle your bottom half from under him but it was impossible. He was like lead. “Move your legs,” you whined, but he refused, unable to suppress the giant smirk on his face. You pushed and pulled at his calves. “Seokjin!” Your voice was breaking you were so tired so you think he took pity on you in the end. 

“Okay, okay, I’m moving them,” he chuckled, letting you sit forward so he could stretch them out behind you. 

“You’re so fucking lucky you’re wearing socks.” He laughed louder at that and you removed the blanket from yourself, leaning over to place it over him instead. It was pretty thick and he had his clothes on so he should be warm enough. “There you go. Let me tuck you in tight.” You teased, hovering to push the material under his body, travelling all the way down to his feet. You sat back to admire your handy work. He looked cosy. Cute. A large, human burrito. 

“Thanks, Mom,” he drawled. 

“Thought we said we’d never try that.” The words were out before you could stop them, silently cursing yourself for going there. What was with you both? He’d done something similar not so long ago too. 

But if Seokjin noticed your awkwardness, he didn’t let on, just chuckled softly. “Sorry.” 

You found yourself grinning and shook your head – you were being silly. Standing up, you switched the TV off and made your way slowly to bed in the newfound dark. Not that it was much of a journey. Your studio apartment had its perks. You could also see the silhouette of Seokjin the Human Burrito perfectly from where you lay. 

“Night night, watch the bed bugs don’t bite,” you sang, unable to stop yourself. He just fidgeted and groaned in reply. You rolled your eyes. 

.

.

You must have fallen asleep again pretty quickly because you couldn’t remember anything after that. You had no idea what the time was when you woke up, but light was streaming through the shades and you blindly stretched for your phone, knowing you’d left it somewhere on your nightstand earlier in the night. Ah ha! You found it and quickly unlocked it with your thumb. It was nearly 11am. You hated waking up late but what did you expect when you’d stayed up half the night. You peaked at Seokjin’s figure. Still asleep but now out of his burrito blanket, one leg stretched over the arm of the couch—which didn’t take much, he was too big for it anyway, and the other leg was hanging off, foot on the floor. Socks off. You couldn’t see his face, covered by the blanket, but the image made you smile. Without particularly thinking you snapped a picture, zooming in. There. Now you had the memory forever. 

You laid your head back down and began clicking on those dumb mobile games you were addicted to, before getting bored when you couldn’t beat a level of some infuriating cooking restaurant game you’d only downloaded two days ago. You opened up twitter. You had some notifications from last night after tweeting a picture of your television with the opening credits of Lord of the Rings paused across it. There were a few likes but all the replies were from Seokjin. 

(6:30pm) You tweeted:  [Image added]  LOTR MARATHON TONIGHT 🌋 💍👁🧙🏻‍♂️🧝🏻‍♀️

(6:32pm) Kim_Seokjin replied:  Ur honestly the biggest nerd I know 

(6:32pm) You replied:  funny because i think the EXACT same about you 😜

(2:30am) Kim_Seokjin replied:  And you fell asleep….. 🙄

That was a new one, he’d obviously done it when you’d first fallen asleep. Just to fall asleep not long after, you might add… You were about to point that out ever so kindly when you had a new notification. The name made your heart stop, stomach sinking. 

MinYoongs liked your tweet 

It hadn’t been the first time Yoongi had liked something of yours since the break up. It had been over three weeks now and in that time he’d hit the heart on a few of your tweets. At first it had upset you, but now you you didn’t mind. It was sort of comforting, knowing he kept semi up to date with you. Like a part of him was still here. You’d began liking some of his tweets and even facebook uploads too. You’d seen him around college a couple of times but not immediate enough to have a conversation. Now that you didn’t have class together your paths went back to not crossing like they had in the beginning. You’d smile and nod in his direction and he’d do the same, raising a hand in acknowledgment. It was sad to think that’s what your relationship had become now, but what could you do? A part of you was still holding out on one day being able to be friends. You mean, if you and Seokjin could do it then it was possible, right? 

Only this time he liked your tweet it made you feel weird. Guilty, probably. He’d liked it even after seeing Seokjin’s replies. What did he think? You couldn’t help but wonder. It was pretty obvious Seokjin had been around your apartment watching movies on your sofa where you used to do the same with Yoongi. It was entirely innocent, but Yoongi didn’t know that. Yoongi knew Seokjin as the guy you’d been fucking before you began dating him. Yoongi knew Seokjin as the guy he’d shared you with that one stupid night. Yoongi knew Seokjin and all the history you guys shared, and he had still liked your tweet? What did that mean? 

Was he totally unbothered? Did you want him to be bothered? No, you didn’t. However, you still couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. You wondered if you should message him, try to explain, but really there was nothing to explain. Doing so would just make you look like you had something to hide, and you already still felt the guilt at running to Seokjin’s place the night of the break up. Like you were hiding something from him. By Yoongi liking that tweet it showed you he was fine with whatever was going on, but you couldn’t very well hit him up like ‘Me and Seokjin are just friends. Honest.’ It was weird. He probably knew you were hanging around with one another anyway. You didn’t do it often, but you had met up around college sometimes, studied together in the library. He could’ve seen it, his friends could’ve seen it. It probably came to no surprise to him. 

You were overthinking again. It was stupid and you hated doing it. Seokjin stirred, the sound of his phone falling onto the floor making you both jump. He groaned as he reached for it and you took the opportunity to banish your thoughts. There was no point worrying over things you couldn’t control nor knew the answers to. “You awake?” 

“Mpmph. Morning.” 

His voice was raspy, thick with sleep, but at least he was semi intelligible. “Couch still comfy?” 

“Yeah. I wanna take that back.” He said as he shifted, sitting up. You bit back the urge to laugh. His hair was flattened in the back, face puffy. It had been a while since you’d seen him like this. “It’s like lying on concrete after a while.” 

“Sorry.” A giggle slipped and he stared you down, just making you laugh harder if anything. 

He shook his head in defeat. “Anyways, wanna eat and finish where we left off?” You nodded immediately, discarding your phone on the nightstand quickly. Maybe your mind couldn’t switch off fully but you were thankful for the help. Even if Seokjin didn’t know he was doing just that. 

“God. Will you quit it.” 

“Quit what?” You wondered cluelessly, looking up from your phone to see Lina sentencing death with one glare. 

“Messaging Jin every two seconds.” 

You paused, feeling a little sheepish, like you’d been caught doing something you shouldn’t. Which was stupid because 1) You’d been messaging him in plain sight and 2) You were definitely not doing anything wrong. It wasn’t your fault Lina treated Seokjin like he was the antichrist… You locked your phone and shoved it down the side of her couch. “It’s fine. He’s going to work now anyway.” 

That didn’t appease her though. You could feel her eyes still on you, even though you’d tried to make yourself as small as possible as you began watching whatever was on the TV. You finally gave in, glancing over at her expectantly. Whatever she wanted to say she should just go for it. 

“Tell me the truth, are you sleeping with him again?” 

“No! What?!” Okay. You hadn’t been expecting that at all. “Lina, shut up.” You brushed her off. 

“Well, I don’t know. You kept it quiet for months the first time.” 

How could she even think that? Yes, you were hanging out with him quite a lot now, and yes, you had kept your hook ups secret from her for the longest time, but that was all in the past. You kept it hidden because you weren’t particularly proud of it, but as time past it became harder and harder to tell her, even if you no longer cared because you began to like Seokjin as a person and not just as a good fuck. In the end you were no longer embarrassed, just awkward. 

“We’re just friends.” It would never happen again between the two of you. Hook ups weren’t your thing now. It hadn’t ended particularly badly but things had gotten complicated for no good reason. You didn’t want that anymore. You liked what you had with him now and were thankful for him. 

“Sure about that?” She pressed, her tone telling you she didn’t believe you at all. 

“Very sure.” You insisted. She wouldn’t budge. Had that annoying pretentious look on her face that drove you crazy. “Want to see our messages?” You added as a joke but her eyes lit up. “Oh, my god. You do, don’t you?!” She didn’t give you an answer, but had the decency to look sheepish. “Do it!” You exclaimed, grabbing your phone to open up your messages and give it to her. 

She began to scroll hesitantly, reading upwards, as if you weren’t already judging her nosy little ass. You couldn’t help but joke around though. “There’s no dick pics, if that’s what you’re eager to see.” 

She pulled a face. “Ew. My eyes would never recover.” You scoffed. You both knew despite her distaste for Seokjin she had definitely asked you to confirm if his dick was as big as people said when she’d found out about your promiscuous activities. So she couldn’t say shit despite gagging when you’d gone into detail, (it had involved a quick sketch and comparisons), but otherwise you ignored her, letting her read conversations that weren’t even that interesting. Whatever she expected to find, she didn’t of course. “What is this?” She asked you, now scrolling aimlessly. 

“Pretty boring, right?” 

“Why are you having a whole conversation about Lord of the Rings? It lasted two days?!” The judgment in her tone was classic Lina, but more than that she was just honestly bewildered. Until— “I love you 3000?! Why is he telling you he loves you?” 

You rolled your eyes. “Relax. It’s an Avengers reference.” 

“Oh for god’s sake. You’ve gone full nerd. He’s confessing his love with movie references.” 

“He’s not confessing anything,” you sighed. As if. Seokjin falling in love with you, even anyone, just seemed hilarious. Maybe when he was thirty something. You watched her scroll up some more until she got bored and handed it back to you. “Innocent, right?” 

“I guess so…” 

You laughed. How was she still so suspicious? “Now will you drop it?” 

“Fine.” She sighed. “It does look like you two have some sort of friendship going on. Who am I to judge.” 

“Finally. So you admit Seokjin isn’t so bad?” You grinned. Mostly teasing her, but also pretty happy she was finally beginning to understand your friendship with Seokjin. 

She stared at you. “I wouldn’t go that far. But yeah, it doesn’t seem like he’s trying to slip inside somewhere.” 

You wrinkled your nose. “Definitely not.” Like you’d told her before, if that was the case he would’ve just asked outright. You glanced over at her again, realising she was still watching you carefully. As if trying to spot any slip ups. “What?” 

“What about you?” She asked almost cryptically. 

“What about me?” 

“You’ve been awfully happy lately.” 

Her tone was a little accusing, despite the context. “I can’t be happy now?” 

“Of course you can.” She exclaimed. “It’s just you know, considering what went down with Yoongi and all… It wasn’t that long ago.” 

“It’s been long enough,” you shrugged. Seemed like a lifetime ago. Seemed like you and Yoongi never happened… “Lina, I’m done moping. Have been for a while. Me and him tried and it failed. That’s life.” 

“Okay, okay,” she chuckled quietly. “I’m not getting at you. I think it’s good you’re not beating yourself up about it.” She give you a knowing look. It wouldn’t have been the first time you’d blamed yourself. Shockingly, she was right. You hadn’t gone full self loathing mode this time around.  “I’m just worried… You don’t want more with Jin, do you?” 

“Huh?” Her question caught you off guard, as did her gentle voice. The thought hadn’t even crossed your mind, but maybe you could understand why it had crossed hers. Every guy you’d ever seemed to get involved with you’d fallen for. Despite however adamant you were to keep things unattached sometimes. Seokjin was the only guy that hadn’t happened with, yet he proved to be the guy that was the kindest to you. The one who meant the most. 

“You’ve been hanging out a lot lately. At first I thought it was just a distraction for you, but well, you sure you haven’t fallen for him?” 

“I haven’t,” you shook your head. You replied without really thinking. Automatically. “We’re just friends.” Because you were, and it worked that way. It really did. 

“Okay,” she nodded and smiled, letting it go. She did genuinely seem to believe you. “Whatever makes you happy. I just don’t want you getting hurt again, that’s all.” You smiled back, unable to fight the urge to hug her. She received it happily. Lina was your best friend. Had been since high school. She was the one you could be a little more vulnerable around, show your gentler side to, and likewise. She was a lot harder skinned than you though. Yours was mainly for show. She truly took no shit.  

“Just don’t go replacing me with him, got it?” She joked, pulling away. 

“Awh, is that what you’re worrying about, Lina?” You teased, clinging to her as you rubbed your face in her neck. “Don’t worry, there’s only one of you. You’re not going anywhere.” 

“Get off,” she giggled. “Of course there’s only one of me.” 

“I am happy that you like Seokjin now though.” You couldn’t help but slip in, the teasing now over. 

She scoffed, blowing air. “Wouldn’t go that far.” You just shrugged, about to suggest you order some food but she squealed, suddenly remembering something. “Oh my god, wait! I was supposed to tell you! Summer is getting into astrology and she told me about this really cool app!” She pulled out your phone and you laughed at her dramatic excitement.  “Download it too and let’s see how compatible we are! I need to know if we’re going to be best friends for ever.” 

…And she called you the nerd? 

“I wanna start working out.” 

You paused from browsing a rack of clothes to glance at Seokjin, waiting for his response. You’d made up your mind to go to the mall today after class and for some reason, after telling him, “Do you want to come to?” rolled from your tongue. He agreed almost instantly, so here you were, Seokjin following by your side as you aimlessly (window) shopped. 

He had an eyebrow cocked. “You do?” 

“Mmhm,” you nodded, pulling a shirt from a pole to hold it up to your body. You met his eyes in the mirror. “I think I want abs.” 

He scoffed instantly. “Abs?! You’ll give up before that.” 

“I won’t,” you whined, pushing him with your elbow as you slotted the shirt back with the others. He grabbed ahold of your arm naturally, playfully pushing you back. “It can’t be that hard anyway?” 

Maybe abs were a little too ambitious. You just felt the need to start working out, to get healthy, change your diet. You often got these spur of the moment plans but if you were being real, you never stuck to them. There was the time you and Lina decided to go jogging three times a week before classes. That lasted one week. There was also that time you tried to follow a pilates youtube video… You lasted ten minutes. The video was forty. This time was a little bit different though. You had Seokjin. He worked out every day (at least he used to), and he worked in the goddamn campus gym. You needed a motivator and he was the perfect candidate. At least he he had been.. You were taking his negativity quite personally. 

He agreed. Slightly. “It probably won’t for you, no, but I don’t think you have the willpower though.” 

You scowled at his smirk. He just looked amused. “Excuse you. You’re just afraid mine will look better than yours.” 

“I don’t have them anymore,” he chuckled. 

“Really?” You did not believe him whatsoever. “Liar. Show me.” Your hands were bunching up his t-shirt before you really had time to realise what you were doing, your fingers slipping under, brushing against his stomach. Still hard and just as warm as you remembered. Something jumped inside of you. It was gone before you had time to place it. 

He hissed your name with a baffled laugh, grabbing your hand. “We’re in public.” 

This time the sensation in your gut stayed longer when it appeared. You had enough time to understand it but you pushed it away, taking your hand back with a roll of eyes. You ignored how hot your face felt and acted as usual, beginning to toddle off. “Whatever. I’m joining the college gym. I’ll find someone else to help me if you don’t.” 

“Ah, I see,” he called after you, speeding up to catch you up. You could hear the slight tease in his voice, which wasn’t doing anything for your jostled hormones. Damn time of the month. That’s what you’d blame it on. “This is just a ploy to see me more. Hanging out at my place of work now? I think I’ll just show up at yours too. I have a sudden interest in fashion.”

He nudged you with his shoulder and you scoffed. “With your dress sense? Try again.” You couldn’t help but laugh at the look of indignation on his face.  

He sighed in defeat. “Fine. If I help you get fit, you can help me dress better.” 

You stopped, a handbag catching your eye, but also, bless him. “Seokjin, you dress fine enough,” you said as you turned to him. White t-shirt, a black cardigan, jeans that had holes in at the knees, black converse. It was all very casual prep. Effortless, because you knew for a fact Seokjin just picked whatever out of his closet and slipped it on in the mornings. Very boy next door. You wouldn’t really have it any other way. 

That didn’t seem to satisfy him though, going by the pout he gave you. “You just laughed at me.” 

You needed to physically clench your fists to stop you from reaching up and attempting to pinch those lips of his. Madness. “I really like your style. It suits you.” 

“You do?” 

He looked happy with that, lips now quirking up a little at the edges. You nodded sincerely. “Yep. It’s cosy. Although, you could probably do with wearing tighter fitting shirts.” He cocked an eyebrow at your suggestion. “You know, to show of this…” Those pesky hands of yours found themselves gliding across his shoulders. You caught Seokjin’s eyes and smiled quickly, awkwardly no doubt and pulled away, grabbing the handbag off the rack to uselessly look at. “Girls will like that a lot. Not that you need help.” You muttered the last part, unsure if he heard you. 

He did, chuckling quietly. “I’m not interested.” 

You paused, trying to decipher his words. He wasn’t interested in the shirts or the girls? It had to be the former, Kim Seokjin was always interested in girls. Although, saying that, you hadn’t heard him talk about any since you’d began hanging out together. Not that he had to. That would probably be weird. No, scrap that. It would definitely be weird. You did not want to hear about his hook ups and likewise for him most probably. Not that there were any hook ups. You were taking a much-needed break. Seokjin was the only man you needed in your life, which sounded incredibly cheesy now that you’d thought it. 

“I’ll still help you though,” he continued, following you as you began strolling again, heading for the exit. 

“Oh my god, yay! Thank you!” You gleed, unable to stop yourself from latching onto his arms and squeezing him. God. What was with you and physical contact today? Maybe you’d always done it, you were just paying extra attention today? Truthfully, ever since Lina had given you the third degree the other night you kept questioning every small thing you did towards Seokjin. Silly because there was nothing to second guess. He definitely didn’t do the same. 

You kept your distance after that, looking around the mall for a sports store. “I need to find something to wear,” was your excuse. “Surely you have a pair of leggings and a t-shirt at home,” was his response. Which was the dumbest thing he could say to you seeing as you were the world’s biggest shopper. 

“Let’s get doughnuts first,” he said after a few minutes of searching, catching you by surprise when he grabbed ahold of your elbow. He looked like he realised what he did because he pulled back quickly. Okay so maybe it wasn’t just you… You happily followed him anyway, the smell making your belly rumble. 

“You have to start eating healthy if you want abs. This is your last chance to get that treat.” He teased, laughing a little too sadistically when he saw you frown at the realisation…

.

.

 “That wasn’t too bad.” You commented, making your way to the exit of the gym with Seokjin close behind you. You’d waited an extra twenty minutes for him to finish his shift so he could give you a ride home and now if you were being honest, you couldn’t wait to get in and run a bath. Seokjin didn’t need to know that though. 

He said your name disapprovingly behind you, tugging off his lanyard to shove in his hoody pocket. You must say, Seokjin’s gym attire was something else. You hadn’t seen him in a pair of shorts for months and his thighs had definitely gotten bigger. Not that you were staring… 

“What?” You puzzled, confused by his tone.  

“You went on the running machine for half and hour and then did some squats.” 

Okay, the patronising dick. “Some?! That was like a hundred!” He was the one who suggested starting off easy, and FYI, squats kinda burned if you weren’t used to them. Seokjin scoffed in reply, adding a “that wasn’t a hundred,” and you went to glare at him as you pushed the glass door open but some guy did so for you, already pulling it from the other side to enter. “Ladies first,” he grinned at you, letting you slide past him. 

“Thank you,” you smiled back, noticing Seokjin almost push his way past after you. “At least there are nice people here,” you shot. 

He pulled a face instantly. “You serious? They’re nice because they want to fuck you.” Your affronted expression said it all, and because you didn’t believe him, you whipped your head around, immediately catching the guy who’d held the door open for you looking back too. He smirked when he noticed he had your attention. You shot your head forward quickly, eyes wide. 

“See.” Seokjin exclaimed. “I had to watch pretty much every guy check you out.” He sounded almost pissed. Nah. It was probably just your imagination. Bet you anything he just found it lame. 

“Get lost.” 

“No, really.” He insisted. “I don’t know how to tell you this, but your…” He hesitated and you looked up, curious but also regretting instantly when you did. “Your ass looks really good in those pants. I think you can skip the squats next time.” 

You really had to be looking him in the eyes when he said that. You felt your face heat up immediately. Much more of a reaction than when that guy had smirked at you. “You were looking too?!” You exclaimed. 

“Hey,” he whined. “It’s not my fault! I’m a guy, and in my defence, we have history.” A little shrug. “Things pop into my mind. Can’t control it.” 

“Seokjin,” you gasped. What did that even mean? You couldn’t believe the words were coming out of his mouth. 

“What? I’m just being honest.” He sounded so casual you just kept silent. Speechless by his gall. “Come on, get in. You’ll be aching soon,” he added, stopping by his car and opening the passenger’s side up for you. 

You rode in complete silence. You didn’t want it to be awkward but it was. Not because he’d made you feel uncomfortable, but just because you couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d said. Why were you repeating his words over and over again inside your head? Why were you pretty sure your face was now as red as a tomato? It definitely wasn’t the working out… 

“Same time tomorrow?” He asked when he pulled up outside your door and stopped the engine. He sounded fine, natural and breezy. Hopefully he hadn’t caught onto your awkwardness but quite possibly he was just good at hiding it. 

You forced a smile. If he could be unaffected, so could you.  “I’ll be there fighting fit.” 

He smiled dubiously. “I won’t hold my breath.” 

“Hey,” you shot quietly, feeling better now despite his doubt in your ability.

“I start at 4, finish at 8.” 

You nodded, stepping out onto the sidewalk and waved him goodbye. “Bye, Seokjin.” He sounded soft when he copied, your name almost hushing from his lips. You felt a tug in your chest. You needed water. You were dehydrated. 

And that was the story of how Seokjin became your very own personal trainer. Or so he liked to call it. He didn’t particularly help whatsoever. Just ordered you about and then laughed at you when you struggled. “I could get you fired for this,” you’d shot this evening, sweat pouring down your temples as you’d basically crawled off the rowing machine. 

“And I could get you banned for flirting with the staff,” had been his comeback. “Maybe arrested for stalking too.” 

Despite your initial affronted expression, you couldn’t help but laugh. Something had changed recently between the two of you. Maybe you were just getting a lot more comfortable given all the time you spent together. Maybe it was something else. You didn’t know and you didn’t really want to dwell too much on it. Seokjin was a flirt after all, and you were okay with that. You didn’t mind joking around with him. 

If you were being honest, you didn’t mind anything when it came to him. Which was why you were willing to practically cripple yourself in order to carry on going to the gym. Sometimes when Seokjin wasn’t getting paid to step foot into the gym, he went with you anyway and you got to sneak a peek as he worked out too. You were only human after all, and Seokjin still had a body that made your mind susceptible to dirty thoughts. You now understood what he meant about being unable to stop things popping into his head. But it was fine. Natural and expected to an extent. Seokjin was your friend, and just your friend, like you’d already insisted to Lina. 

.

.

“This is the worst.” 

You heard Seokjin snicker a bit behind you, having fallen back a few steps while he checked his cellphone. Whose bright idea was it to walk to and from the gym, and today of all days? “You’re walking like you’ve shit yourself.” 

You snapped your neck around. If looks could kill. “Shut up.” You’d storm off but it hurt too much so all you could do was attempt to speed hobble. Seokjin soon caught up up. 

“I told you not to row a kilometre.” Condescending as usual. “It was your first time. That shit burns if you’re not used to it.” 

“Already?” You whimpered. Usually it took until the next day, a few hours at least, until the burn was apparent. You were a goddamn fool. Who knew pulling back and forth repeatedly could fuck you up so bad. “What am I going to be like tomorrow?” 

You wanted at least some sympathy but you didn’t get it. “Worse.” The most casual of shrugs. “You’ve used muscles you don’t usually work.” 

“I’ve used muscles I didn’t know I had!” 

He laughed at that. Genuinely amused. “You’re a weakling. You need to gain some strength and stamina. It doesn’t come automatically. If you want those abs you need to be working out every day. Maybe go running in the morning, cycling… ” You groaned as he spoke. You hadn’t ridden a bike in years. Why was there so much work to look good? Seokjin made it look effortless, the dick. 

He laughed again. This time lower but closer to you, his breath puffing against the back of your neck as he took you by surprise and gripped your waist with his hands. “C’mon, let me help you. Guide you.” Patronising. You wanted to tell him that but your mouth wasn’t working. You walked as he did, letting him escort you down the remaining length of the sidewalk with a gentle push. 

“Four more steps forward. Turn left to be met with your apartment door. Up the two steps.” Lifting your legs awkwardly, he brushed into you, crotch against your ass. You were going to hell. Your mind went to places embarrassingly quickly. 

“Keys.” You were suddenly cold when he removed his hands from you to search through your bag. Just for your hand to be met with the familiar warmth as he cupped it. It took you a moment to realise he’d pressed the key into your palm. He sighed. Thankfully mistaking your airhead for post-workout soreness. “I’ll do it then.” He guided your hand to the door. “Forward. Insert into hole.” 

“Oh my god.” You couldn’t help but mutter that one. At least there was a part of your brain still working… The incredibly perverted part, but a part nonetheless. 

“Do you have to make everything so dirty?” He looked down at you, dramatic judgement in his tone. You felt him twist the key in your hand, opening the door. He looked you dead in the eyes as he spoke again. “Turn and open wide. Well done!” 

That was definitely on purpose. You could tell by the smirk that couldn’t help but sneak its way on his face. You’d chew his ear off but he was immediately getting behind you again, wrapping his arms around your middle and before you knew it he was lifting you up, ignoring your squealing as you clutched onto his hands. “Now to get your poor frail body through the threshold.” There was an obvious fake strain to his voice as he did so and it was over in seconds, putting you down as soon as he’d raised you a few inches off the ground.

You rounded on him immediately. “I regret inviting you over if I knew you were going to be such a jackass.” 

He raised his hands up as a peace offering. “This is all just very amusing to me.” 

You couldn’t be bothered to argue, making your way to the couch to collapse onto (slowly, if possible), and let your body just buzz. You couldn’t tell if it was the muscles you didn’t know you had contracting, or if it was the lingered feeling of Seokjin’s hands on your body… That sounded pathetic. “I’m never moving,” you declared loudly, speaking truth but also trying to distract yourself. 

Seokjin watched you and chuckled, shaking his head slowly. “I’ll get you something to drink.”  

“Alcohol!” You shouted (unnecessarily, it was a one room apartment after all…) as he walked a little way forward to your kitchenette.  “And chips. Fuck the healthy diet. I need sustenance.” 

You switched on the television as Seokjin pottered away, opening cupboards as he searched for something suitable. It was cute how he knew where your drinking glasses were kept and where you kept your snacks. Maybe he never forgot from before… 

“There you go,” he said, dropping a bag of chips into your lap from above. You opened them immediately, feasting like you hadn’t eaten all day. “Will this do? It’s all you had.” You  looked up at him, seeing him holding a green bottle. When he spoke again he sounded uncertain. “Sour apple?” 

You wrinkled your nose. “It’s nasty stuff. Give it to me!” 

He laughed at your outstretched arm and sat next to you, reaching for the drinking glass under his arm so he could pour you some. He passed it to you and you took a tentative sip, the familiar sickly and artificial taste making you wince. But you needed something to ease those poor muscles of yours, and because you weren’t a major drinker, this was all your stupid self had hiding away in your cupboards. 

You watched Seokjin sniff inside the bottle just as cautious but for some reason he took a giant swig, making a loud noise of objection as soon as the liquid slipped down his throat. “Ew. What the fuck is that?! It’s vile.” 

“Right? It’s gross,” you agreed, chuckling as he stuck out his tongue, and it was already toxic waste green. “It made me throw up like crazy a few months back.” Funny, you still remembered (bits of) that night when Yoongi had looked after you, but the memories no longer made you feel sad, dejected. That was indeed a good thing. You took your own sniff, now dubious. “It’s not too old, right?” 

“Nah, should be fine,” he shrugged, taking another sip. He winced all the way through it. “I think you’re supposed to make cocktails with it, or at least shots.” 

You eyed your generously poured glass. “Go big or go home, huh?” 

“You are home,” he commented, thinking he was clever. You went to kick him, forgetting your legs were fucked up and yelled out. Seokjin chuckled, grabbing your ankles one by one so he could lift your legs over his lap. “I guess this is my fault as your personal trainer and all,” he teased, beginning to rub one of your calves with his free hand. You didn’t have time to freak out about the physical contact this time around, because in all honesty, the sensation felt amazing for your poor, hurt muscles.  

He continued for a little while until he got bored (called it), but you kept your legs there. After all, he hadn’t pushed them away, and like you said, it was helping your muscles… You don’t know why them being on his lap specifically helped, it was all probably psychological, but whatever, for once you weren’t going to overthink things. 

Soon enough sporadic sips of the toxic waste became too much and you pulled a face, groaning loudly. “I’m beginning to feel a little sick.” 

“Yeah, let’s stop,” he agreed, all while taking one last glug that made you giggle when he stuck his tongue out in disgust. He smiled at you, seemingly amused by something. You didn’t know what. Himself? Seemed about right. You were going to ask when he huffed your legs from him and took your glass from your hand as he stood up. “Not worth it. The stuff feels like it’s swimming in my veins.” You watched him walk towards your sink, looking over his shoulder to shoot you a question as he hovered the bottle over the basin. “May I?” You nodded, glad to see the back of the green liquid as it poured down the drain.  

“Noodles?” He suggested shortly after. 

“Please.” Maybe it would help get rid of the awful taste inside your mouth. You were dumb for even considering the drink once again. Thankfully, Seokjin also poured you a glass of water, which you downed in one go, sicky feeling leaving you as you munched on the slightly hard ramen. 

Somewhere along the line, Seokjin took the remote from between your bodies and started browsing through Netflix. You complained about how even though there was so much choice you could never find anything new to watch. You’d watched everything good. He listened to you politely, a slight smile on his face because by now you were tired, you could tell, your words seeping into one another, or maybe it was that evil drink seeping into your brain. Never again. 

In the end you suggested something he’d surely protest to. Angsty teenage vampires didn’t seem his thing, but shockingly he agreed to the first episode of The Vampire Diaries. You didn’t even have to try and persuade him with a little backstory, about how it used to be your favourite show back in high school. You warned him within the first two seconds that if he wasn’t Team Damon, he could leave your apartment right this instant and never come back. Thankfully he agreed that Damon was far hotter than Stefan, so it all worked out perfectly. You knew you could always count on Seokjin. 

You didn’t make it through to the end. Your noodles sat on your coffee table half eaten, your head having fallen onto Seokjin’s shoulder, eyes half closed. Could very well be near dribbling knowing your luck. Not that he seemed to care. He let you snooze on him, his arm crushed into your side, his warmth making you all that cosier. Honestly, a nice blanket draped over the two of you could do the trick right now. You could really fall asleep, and fall asleep good. However, just as that was happening it was all over, Seokjin shaking you gently, telling you the episode had finished. 

“What time is it?” You asked, voice thick, eyes heavy. 

He checked his phone, chuckling. “11pm.” 

You groaned, lifting your head and rubbed your eyes. “God, I’m old.” 

He laughed harder. “I can’t believe the gym fucked you up already. I think you should get to bed.” 

“Can’t move remember.” Your thighs and calves felt even more stiff now. Call you dramatic, but the thought of moving seemed like the worst thing in the world. Why couldn’t you have just slept on Seokjin’s shoulder all night? He was such a spoil sport. You were going to tell him that before he jumped to his feet, standing in front of you and leaving you confused. 

“I’ll just have to carry you then.” He said matter-of-factly, and you didn’t have another second to process his words before he was hooking one arm under your knees, one around your back and lifting you effortlessly. 

“Oh my god,” you squealed, instinctively wrapping your arms around his neck and clutching on for dear life. 

He strained a groan as he straightened his back, taking a few staggered steps backwards, catching his balance, before he turned and began in the direction of your bed. “You’re so lucky the journey isn’t far.” 

The noise that left you could only be described as indignant as you slapped between his shoulder blades. How dare he be so dramatic, but trust karma to always pull through. He lost his footing and tripped as he climbed the platform that held your bed. He managed to drop you down unscathed albeit for the sudden shock of your back bouncing against mattress, but he also went with you, palms pressing into the sheets, caging your body with his. All he needed was to swing your legs up, cage them in too. As it would, they hung limply off the bed, just as dazed as you. 

The thought entered your mind immediately and wouldn’t leave. You used to love being under him. Even when you looked up at him, assuming he’d gain his bearings and move away. He didn’t. You mean, he eased up a little, hands no longer either side of your head, but somehow they found their way to your hips, urging you too lift your legs onto the bed. You did so silently, not taking your eyes from him. It was strange. One of you should have said something by now. Seokjin should have joked around, apologised for being clumsy. You should have moaned at him, whined he could have killed you. But there was none of that. 

Instead he gave you a small smile, looking down at you. “Your breath stinks of apple and your tongue is so green.” 

You weren’t expecting that. It caught you off guard and just like that, the moment was over. Ruined maybe, but you wouldn’t let yourself think like that. You didn’t want to think about how Seokjin’s voice sounded all soft and gentle. Like something you’d never heard before, not even when he used to be between your legs similar to this, but naked and sweaty. Sure, you’d heard his voice needy and low many a time, but never like this. This was something else. He was cautious but couldn’t help himself. He was nervous but wanted to hide it. 

You listened. “Yours does too.” You whined, your voice now sounding alien as you twisted your head, trying to get away from the sour apple but in the process getting away from him. Nothing personal, you were just afraid you were going crazy. 

Still caged under him, his hands still around your hips, you were still hyperaware of his touch and the air was almost a little suffocating, even if you were just imagining it. Your idea proved futile anyway, because you could feel his breath against your neck now, and that was way, way worse. Until maybe he suddenly realised how questionable this position looked, or maybe it really was no big deal, and he moved away naturally, the warmth of his palms leaving your body as he slipped to the side of you, lifting his feet from the floor to slide his legs under him to sit down. 

You stretched your legs out, now welcoming the ache because it distracted you. You also welcomed the cool air because your skin felt hot and itchy. You tried to read Seokjin’s face for anything that told you he was feeling the same way. His cheeks were a little flushed and just peeking out from under the collar of his t-shirt was an equally red patch. For the first time in a long time, probably since you’d embarked on this serious friendship mission, you felt a little awkward in his presence, and that made you feel guilty. You were the problem. Nothing had happened just now, it was all in your head, and he could probably feel how awkward you were being. You clenched your jaw, making a decision right then and there. Everything was normal. 

“Yeah, think abs aren’t for me,” you said as casually as you could muster lying about half a metre down your bed as Seokjin sat next to you. “I much prefer my rolls.” 

It seemed to work. He looked semi relieved you were making conversation and laughed. “You don’t have rolls, shut the fuck up.” 

“I do!” You insisted, wide eyed.  “Look!” You reached a hand under your shirt to squeeze the skin, flashing him your stomach, which now, in hindsight, seemed like a bad idea. 

Although you were probably looking into it too much because he gave it one fleeting glance and rolled his eyes. “You really don’t.” There, that told you. You pulled a face as you smoothed your t-shirt back down. 

“I can’t believe you’re quitting after not even two weeks. At least stick it out for the month you paid for.” 

You groaned, knowing he was right but not wanting to listen. You were done with the gym. All it did was hurt and mess with your mind. If you hadn’t seen Seokjin working out these past few days you wouldn’t be in this predicament right now. Another one of your bright ideas that turned out to be dumb. Really dumb. “I’m tired.” 

He chuckled under his breath. “I’ll go. Leave you to sleep.” 

He’d misunderstood. You weren’t tired in that sense. You mean, you had been not ten minutes ago, but now you were still high on the rush of that internal panic. No, you were tired of thinking. Everything had been fine a couple of weeks ago. You were over your break up with Yoongi, finally at peace with everything that had gone on. Life was good, college, work, friends, and then Lina had to open her big mouth and now you were back to almost square one. Your brain wouldn’t switch off. You couldn’t really tell Seokjin that though. Sorry, no, I meant tired of overthinking every little second that me and you share. I’m tired of maybe, potentially questioning this friendship for no good reason. Sorry to make it awkward… It didn’t sound good, did it? 

“You don’t have to go. Stay.” Fuck. The words were out before you could stop them. Like your mind was working without you. “It’s late now. I don’t want you to walk home in the dark.” 

He shot you a look that told you he thought you’d lost it. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. Plus, your couch is so uncomfy. I can’t do it a second time.” 

“You can sleep here.” That damn mouth of yours. “In my bed.” You were making it worse each time you opened it. Why were you inviting him into your bed?! 

Sure, it could be taken as innocent, probably would any other day, but the look in his eyes as he stared at you, definitely trying to read your expression, find something in your tone, told you he was slowly picking up on something here. Your awkwardness again. 

“Top to tail?” He finally asked, and you nodded quickly. Probably too quickly. 

“If you want.” 

He narrowed his eyes. You got nervous. “You’re a little drunk. I can tell.” 

“Am not.” You shook your head. Maybe the damn drink had made you sleepy earlier, but you definitely weren’t drunk. You wish. Although… this could potentially be a blessing in disguise. Could explain your weird behaviour. You’d be the girl who got drunk off a handful of sips of alcohol if it meant having a free pass. 

“Are to,” he insisted, but something told you he was also pretending. It made it easier to say no to you. “I can’t accept your offer. You might live to regret waking up to my feet in your face.” 

“I don’t think I will.” You didn’t regret a thing where he was concerned. That thought seemed to glow in the forefront of your mind suddenly. 

“Better to be on the safe side.” 

You scoffed, but deep down you couldn’t help but feel a little dejected. Which was stupid because did you really want Seokjin to sleep in your bed? What would happen if he did? Did you want something to happen? You fleeted back to how nice it had been to fall asleep on his shoulder earlier, fleeted back to his lingering touch on your body when he’d tripped… That intimacy, if you could call it that, that familiarity was still itching at your skin, and you could quite honestly say right now, that if Seokjin ended up sharing your bed tonight, you didn’t know what would happen. 

Not that he wanted to sleep next to you. That much was obvious. He was looking for a way to decline and the idea of you being drunk was a little farfetched but successful. Seokjin didn’t want you like that anymore, and that was okay. You were friends and you were happy with that. You liked it and you didn’t want to ruin things, because sometimes you had a tendency to ruin everything. Or at least it seemed like you did… 

You watched him shuffle off your bed, you lifting your legs up so his feet could hit the floor. “I’ll text you when I get home. Just to let you know.” He teased, lips attempting to quash his amused smile. 

“Seokjin, wait,” you called, sitting up too to grab him by the wrist as he moved to stand up. He turned back, waiting – and you swear this – almost hopefully. The moment was back, if just for a millisecond. He was waiting for you to say something, but not out of manners, out of hope. He was hoping you’d say something. Just what? 

Did he want you to persuade him to stay, to beg him? If you knew he wanted that, you’d give it to him. You always could persuade him well… And if he wanted to spend the night, how was up to him. You wouldn’t think of the consequences, of the the damage it could cause between you two. You’d just act in the moment, because if truth be told, your skin was still hot, still itchy, tingling now, with the sudden wonder, and there was an urge in your gut you hadn’t felt for a long time…

However, you didn’t say anything, or do anything. You couldn’t. Not when you were so unsure about his intentions, your intentions. You swallowed and smiled, letting go of his wrist to point towards your wicker chair. “Can you pass me my pyjamas?” 

And that was that. The moment was over again. “Sure.” Seokjin smirked back, the smallest of laughs leaving him as he rose and grabbed them, handing them too you quickly. If he was disappointed, he hid it well. 

Not long after, he was gone, the click of the apartment door ringing in your ears. The silence didn’t really bring you clarity. 

.

.

“Don’t be moody.” You told Seokjin, fighting back your laughter. You could still make out his pout in the darkness of your apartment. “Ikea furniture gets to the best of us. No need to sulk.” 

“I’m not being moody,” he insisted but the tension in his voice told you otherwise. “The bed is fucking stupid!” You finally let yourself giggle, unable to stop as you sat up in your makeshift bed—a mattress on the floor because the frame laid discarded against the wall, screws and bolts strewn across the floor. 

You could see Seokjin’s look of disbelief even in the dim glow of the street lamps outside. He shut you up with his mouth. You weren’t expecting that, but let it happen anyway. Letting him push you onto your back again and clamber over your body. You continued to laugh between each glide of his mouth though, hands running down his back. 

He pulled away, whining lowly. “Why are you still laughing?” 

“It’s just funny.” You upturned your shoulders. “You trying to act all cool and collected when you’re mad as hell.” You’d never seen Seokjin angry or frustrated before so this was all very brand new and amusing to you. 

He glared at you. “I’ll give you funny.” Your hips rolled obediently when you felt his hand slip inside your underwear, reattaching his mouth to yours. “—and mad,” he grunted into your mouth. 

“Okay,” you replied easily, clutching onto him as his finger rubbed at your entrance before pushing carefully inside. After all, that’s what he’d been here for. He’d come over to build your bed and “christen” it as he’d so lovely put it. You’d only just moved in to your own place and you were beyond ecstatic to have your own space, and so was Jin, because, and this was in his own words, “Great, a new place to fuck.” 

You guessed the details didn’t matter, he was still christening your new bed. The mattress was the most important part. Who cared if Seokjin couldn’t follow a simple set of instructions. You weren’t judging him…honest… Besides, the sex like this was amazing. He had a lot of pent up frustration to get rid of and you gladly took it. 

“We’re not making a sound,” he groaned, your legs wrapped around his waist as he kneeled and fucked into you hard and fast. Your shorts were hanging off one ankle, his t-shirt stretched at the neck where you’d tugged it out of shape. “Who knew n-no bedframe was the answer to quiet sex.” You moaned loudly in response, unable to give him anything else.

“Still making you moan though,” he almost menaced, reaching for your ankles to push your legs forward, dick slipping deeper, about to penetrate your gut and kill you if he wasn’t careful. The noises that left you sounded crazed. He cocked an eyebrow, still as smug as ever despite the slack jaw and heavy breathing. “What will your neighbours think?” 

“I’m going to kill you,” you attempted to seethe, nearly biting down on your bottom lip. As if you wanted to be known to your new neighbours as the girl who had sex loudly. 

He just laughed, hands on your hips now as he began to jerk you. “Flip over,” he grunted, slipping out of you as he successfully rolled you onto your front. You spread your legs, desperate to have his dick inside you immediately, and when he pushed inside you moaned low, muffling it as best you could with your pillow.

He soon picked up his pace once more, merciless now, and you tried so fucking hard not to cry out, your moans lodging in your throat, body tense as you tried to control every nerve in your body. It was all slick noises and the thud of his hips hitting your ass and finally his frustration began to leave his body. “Stupid—fucking—ikea—bed,” he growled, thrusting harder into you after every word. 

God. That was it. “S-seokjin,” you almost begged. He was just so deep and hard. You could feel him everywhere, just getting wetter with each grunt that pushed its way from your throat. “You’re gonna make me cum–d-don’t stop.” 

“Am I making you feel good?” He demanded, fingers digging into your ass with the effort of keeping up. He was terribly out of breath now, his only motivation was to make you cum. He couldn’t slow down, not when you were so close. 

“So good,” you said through held breath. You were pushed so flat to the mattress your clit was getting its fair share too, and you closed your eyes tight, seeing stars as you let yourself jump over the edge. “So, so, so good.” 

You came hard. Like so hard your ass twitched. He liked that. His sweaty hands digging into the flesh as he caressed you, thrusts ceasing because he couldn’t take the nonstop pulsing around his cock. He pulled out shortly after, one hand jerking himself off while the other slapped down on your flesh. “Wanna cum on that perfect little ass of yours.” 

You moaned, raising yourself up a little to tease him and it wasn’t long before you felt the warm droplets of his cum dirty your flesh. “Fuck,” he grunted, needing a moment to come to before you heard him shuffle about. And then a whine. “You don’t have anything to clean up with.” 

Well, no. You wouldn’t. This was your first night here. If you didn’t have a bed, you didn’t have tissues on a nightstand. “Not the instruction manual,” you warned when you heard the familiar sounds of paper rustling. “My dad has to come over tomorrow and fix your mess.” 

“Oi.” He whined, but listened, throwing the manual back on the floor. You rolled your eyes when you felt him rub his cum into your skin with the head of his dick. He was just making more mess now, that wasn’t going to clean you up. He realised soon enough and stood up quickly. “I’ll be right back.” 

You let your body relax as he went to the bathroom after some toilet paper, comfy and still vibrating a little from the bliss of your orgasm. Your bare ass was getting a little cold though. Thankfully Seokjin wasn’t too long and he wiped up the mess he’d made pretty quickly. When you finally rolled over to see him walking back from your trash can, you couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of him naked from the waist down. 

“Why are you laughing at me now?” He pouted, sounding genuinely paranoid. That bed frame had really fucked with his head. 

“Sorry,” you apologised, trying to compose yourself. “You’re just…naked. It looks funny.” 

He frowned, still suspicious. “You’ve seen me naked hundreds of times.” Nevertheless, he still stretched his t-shirt down over his crotch, hiding his modesty as he crawled back to you. 

“Yeah, but it was just…SWINGING there,” you giggled, starting up again. 

“Well, yeah, that’s what dicks do.” He almost grumbled. If you didn’t know any better you’d say he was embarrassed. You went to whisper another sorry but then he wrapped his arms around you, squeezing your back (maybe a bit too) tightly to his chest. You stretched your arm behind him to pinch his butt. “Stop!” He warned, but you could feel his grin against your neck as he kissed you. 

You closed your eyes, smiling to yourself. You were so cosy and warm now, happy and sated. You could really fall asleep like this. Seokjin’s arms around you, his breath against your skin. The feeling in our chest was hard to explain. At the tip of your tongue, yet never coming. Annoyingly he moved away to fall onto his back as soon as you were trying to place the emotion and you snapped your eyes open having lost it all together. You grabbed your phone on the floor next to you to check the time. It was 1am. Seokjin really had been here trying to make the bed for nearly 3 hours before he’d given up. You should have just asked your father over in the first place… But you couldn’t tell Jin that, couldn’t bear to hurt his feelings. Bless. 

“We should make the most of the next few hours…” You suggested casually. His groan told you he didn’t agree. He was tried and half asleep. Too tired to start his usual spiel about his dick falling off because you made him fuck you too often. “I knew a guy who ended up in hospital once because he fucked his girlfriend 14 times in a weekend.” Seemed unbelievable. Both ending up in hospital, and having sex over a dozen times in a 48 hour period, but whatever. Seokjin was talking bullshit like usual, because even though he moaned and groaned, he was always the first to initiate the fucking. Example: tonight. You just liked to plant the seed. Example: right now… 

“It was fun.” You whined. “I think I should just say fuck it to the bed and sleep on this groan proof mattress.” 

“Hm. I don’t know. The springs will give out soon enough, and how would you explain it to your parents?” He replied. That was true. Your parents didn’t even know Seokjin existed. Which meant that you had to take the fall for this tomfoolery tonight. Pretend you spent hours trying to screw some planks of wood together… You loved looking like an idiot. But you digressed… 

“But I can still smash up the bed frame for you?” He added, sounding hopeful. Finally admitting his anger. “Fucking piece of shit.” 

.

.

Sleep didn’t give you clarity either. You woke up with a hazy mind, unsure if you were dreaming the memory or just playing it out in your head again as you slowly came to. Half awake, half dreaming. It was almost fitting that you remembered back to that night, like your subconscious was messing with you. If you let your mind wonder more, you were certain it was your favourite memory with Seokjin. You didn’t know why. It was really nothing special. By then you’d had sex too many times to count. They should’ve ended up blurring into one, but there were a handful that stood out. This one more than the rest. Something about the way he’d wanted to help you, even if it was a total fail. You remembered thinking somewhere in the back of your mind, while he was fucking you into your poor mattress, It’s not just sex to him. Ironic, but true. That night should’ve shown you how kind Seokjin could be. Or how kind he was. He didn’t choose as and when to be considerate, the opportunity had just never really presented itself before. You’d never needed a bed building before… 

Ugh. You were a mess. You’d truly thought a good nights sleep would do you good, but no, your mind was still restless and your body ached even more from the night before. You shouldn’t be thinking of the past. Not when things were so good right now, so different. Your friendship with Seokjin worked, it made you happy, but on the outside looking in, was it considered normal? You didn’t think so. Don’t get you wrong, many girls had male friends. You had a couple you spoke to regularly and sometimes hung out with, but that was always in groups. You didn’t have one who you messaged every single day and hung out with alone. You didn’t have one like that until you met Seokjin. Before that, the guy you’d just described had been Yoongi. Perhaps that description better defined a relationship? Texting good morning, going to the mall together, other places, could be the gym, binge watching Netflix… That could be defined as a boyfriend… It was a stereotype, a stupid one, but it made sense. Especially for Seokjin and you who had a history. Come on, past fuck buddies turned best friends forever? It didn’t seem very believable… Maybe you’d been kidding yourself all this time…

Or maybe you hadn’t. Regardless of finer, often ignored, details, the bare foundations of your “relationship” had been about sex. This time was different. You could enjoy one another’s company without the sex, and it felt good. It felt more than good. Last night, your legs on his lap, and then your head on his shoulder, it was a comfort you didn’t know you’d been searching for. It’s what clouded your mind, made you all confused when you’d suggested he stay the night…in your bed. 

That platonic intimacy was all well and good but you couldn’t let it ruin what you had with Seokjin at the moment. Like you said, it worked for not only you, but obviously him too. You’d crossed the line last night and embarrassingly you probably knew the reason why. It was simple really and even more simple to just deal with as you reached for your bedside drawer and pulled out something discreet and pink… There was no better way to clear a frazzled brain than a good orgasm. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d powered up your vibrator. Classes were full, work was tiring, you were busy… It made sense. To blame it on sexual frustration. Seokjin was still as handsome as ever and watching him work out in the gym would fuck with the strongest mind. 

Yes, an orgasm a day kept those thirsty thoughts away… Facts. That’s what you told yourself, and that’s what you believed. 

Seokjin  Marathon tonight?  We can easily get through six episodes 

You  🤙😜 bring chips

Seokjin  Pls stop using emojis  You text like my mom 🙇🏻‍♂️

Not a week later and somehow you and Seokjin had found yourself down a deep and dark Vampire Diaries hole… Shockingly he seemed more into it that you, which amused you to no end. Thankfully you hadn’t sent him running for the hills after your stunt that night after the gym. Maybe he put it down to you being totally disoriented due to the pain of your aching muscles. Maybe he did truly think you were drunk off half a glass of toxic waste. Or maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t noticed anything and you were just being paranoid, deluded, stupid… The list was endless. 

It helped you, consoled your worries because you didn’t have to try your hardest to act normal around him if nothing really happened. Things were normal, like you’d never asked him to spend the night in your bed. You didn’t ask him again and Seokjin made sure to ride his car to your place after that. Maybe there was nothing behind it, but yeah, now you didn’t really have a reason to ask him to stay… Even though sometimes you wanted him too, and not even like that. You just wanted to spend every waking moment with him. It was pretty frightening because you didn’t know what it meant… 

Your vibrator was doing its job to curb those pesky sexual urges of yours but there was nothing really on the market to curb those weird…needy urges of yours. Needy for some affection and warmth that Seokjin seemed to radiate. Your bodies sat closer together each night you hung out. Your legs seemed to find their way onto his lap when you wanted to stretch out and your head found his shoulder every single time you nodded off to sleep… It was like you were magnetised together, or not… It was more so that it came natural to you two. Natural after all these weeks of being back in one another’s lives, and natural after the history you had together… 

You told yourself it was okay, because your need for him wasn’t that raw, sexual type from before. No, it was something else. Something you couldn’t put your finger on. Not that you tried. It was better to not know. What you couldn’t understand couldn’t ruin everything, and you and Seokjin were fine like this. It was easy to ignore if you got to hang out with him like this regularly. If you got to joke with him and talk with him and touch him… It was easy to ignore when you had everything right in front of your eyes. Blissfully ignorant to the warmth in your chest every time you saw him. Blissfully ignorant to the pounding of your heart every time you felt his fingertips on your skin. You guessed your mind was helping your heart not get fucked over again. Or maybe you were just plain dumb… 

.

.

“I think I’m all vampire love angst-ed out for tonight,” Seokjin yawned, letting his head fall back on your couch. 

You agreed. Binging a series was all well and good but soon enough you lost concentration. “I can find something else?” You suggested, getting ready to scroll through the homepage as you moved your legs from his lap to curl them under you. 

Immediately he reached for one of your feet, massaging it absentmindedly. Maybe past you would have teased him for having a secret foot fetish but you didn’t dare to ruin it tonight. You were positive he didn’t even realise he was doing it which made it feel even better. It was such a natural, affectionate thing and you didn’t want to point it out in case he stopped. There you went again… New label: affection whore. 

“I don’t think I can concentrate on anything else,” he chuckled groggily. “We ploughed through seven episodes. It’s nearly 2am.” 

“Mhm.” You agreed, letting your head fall back too. You both looked over at one another. His hair was getting longer again, falling in his eyes. “I’m not tired though.” 

He smiled. “You aren’t?” Smiled harder when you shook your head adamantly. Sleep meant Seokjin would go home, and these days you didn’t want that at all. “Want me to stay for a little longer then?” 

You tried to play it cool, lifting your head straight as you nodded at his gentle voiced suggestion. “If you want.” Inside you were ecstatic. 

He sat up straight too, pulling his phone from his pocket. “Yeah, I can do it. Don’t have class until 3.” You felt guilty. Maybe he didn’t even want to stay any longer, but now his hand was wrapped around the top of your knee, his body leaning into you and it felt so good you stopped worrying. “Aw. How cute.” He cooed, and it took you a moment to understand what he was on about, looking in the direction of his cellphone. 

“Why are you scrolling through my IG?!”  You exclaimed immediately, seeing a picture of eight-year-old you on the screen when #tbt was still a thing… Was it still a thing…?

“It’s funny,” he shrugged. 

“It’s embarrassing.” 

You had to watch him scroll through your entire feed, picking on random pictures to laugh at. For some reason you found yourself a little nervous. No need to be, there was nothing incriminating on there. In fact, you never really used the app, didn’t have many photos on there. Especially now that you’d already deleted a handful that contained Yoongi. You’d taken the plunge to delete the memories a while back, feeling more positive about it. They were only pictures. 

“What is this?” Seokjin laughed, tilting the screen your way. 

He was greatly amused by your silly display in the image, Yumi pretending to strangle you with her own hair in some stranger’s grubby kitchen. “Oh god.” You groaned. For two reasons. 1. The face you were pulling was really embarrassing, and 2. That was the night that changed everything. Because of that night, you were here right now. “That’s the night me and you first…y’know…” You didn’t know why you were telling him that. He had no clue, and it was best not to rake up the past, but for some reason it felt like you needed to say it. 

“Really?” He asked, eyes widening as the shock formed on his face. He flipped the screen his way again, looking over the picture with a small smile. 

He looked almost wistful. It made something in your stomach tighten. You needed to ignore it, forcing your voice to sound offended when you spoke next. “You can’t remember what I was wearing?!” 

His eyes widened yet again, his mouth downturning comically. For some reason he’d missed your sarcasm. “How the hell am I supposed to remember that?” 

“Just teasing,” you giggled, giving him a nudge with your elbow. He relaxed, shaking his head to himself, and you stayed there, nestled by his side. 

“Damn.” He mused. “That seems like a life time ago now but it’s not really.” 

You nodded, wholeheartedly agreeing. “Nearly a year.” It had seemed a long time ago once upon a time, now, not at all. So much had happened between then and now, but then, not really… After all, you were still here with him. Just differently now. 

Silence seemed to blanket over you, as if you were both mulling the past over. A part of you was itching to know what he was thinking – if he was at all, but another part of you began to get a little uncomfortable at the unspoken. It was like that lately. As if you wanted him to tell you something. Did he want to tell you something? Or was it all in your head? Sometimes you wanted to tell him things… You just didn’t know what. It was like your brain wouldn’t let you make sense of how your heart was feeling. So like usual, you changed the direction of the conversation. 

“Oh. Wait! I have this app you can download if you’re bored.” He looked down at you as if you were mad. As if he could never be bored in your company, or maybe that was you wishful thinking. You shook yourself out of the deluded funk you were under and held out your hand. “Pass.” He dropped his phone in it obediently and you grabbed at his fingers, using his thumb to unlock it. They seemed to stick together for longer than needed before you spoke again and let him slide his hand away. “You know your birth info, right?” 

He groaned quietly, head falling back as he eyed you, surprisingly knowing immediately where this was going. “Astrology.” 

“Come on, it’s fun,” you insisted, opening the app store up to begin typing. “You make an account and add your friends. It tells you how compatible you are with them.” 

He watched you as if you’d lost it. His voice matched. “You know things like that aren’t really true, right? The stars don’t control our personality traits. Life and choices do.” 

You rolled your eyes. “That’s such a Sag thing to say.” 

That seemed to make him change his tune. He sounded positively offended when he spoke next. “Excuse me. Don’t use my Sagittarius status against me.” 

“If you’re so proud of it, you believe in it.” 

It was his turn to roll his eyes, scoffing. “I don’t even know what it means. Please enlighten me, oh holy one.” 

That silenced you. To be honest you didn’t know much about astrology either. You were a simple human that got excited over even simpler things. Having to listen to Lina blabber on and on about natal charts and houses and planets, and whatever else there was, while you just liked finding out if you were compatible with people… It wasn’t that serious. “I don’t know,” you mumbled lamely, much to Seokjin’s glee. He looked so smug he’d shut you up, you felt the urge to do the same to him pretty much jump out of you.  

“Apparently Sags are free spirited. Don’t really do commitment. Figures.” 

Those were honestly some of the most generic things you could have chosen, bound to get you beat by your own best friend, but what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her, and it seemed to do the trick regarding Seokjin anyway. Or, surprisingly, it worked a little too well. He sounded genuinely taken back. “Wow. Okay, that is a harmful stereotype. I can do commitment.” 

Pretty sure he was joking, but also the last statement making you a little confused, if not just by the way his voice turned all high pitched, you continued to tease him. “Okay, Kim Seokjin who has never had a girlfriend in his life.” 

He looked a little speechless at that, expression frozen as his mouth hung open. “That means nothing. So what if I’ve never been in a relationship before, I’m still a faithful person.” 

You eyed him sceptically, semi aware you were pretty much bickering now. Bickering about astrology. Well, you’d wanted a diversion… “But you have nothing to base it on.” Committedly staying faithful to a fuck buddy wasn’t exactly the type of commitment you were on about, and even then, he hadn’t technically done that… Fuck. You thought of Sohee instantly. It was stupid, you’d already been through all that and it really was no big deal, but it still seemed to pop up in your mind. You said nothing of what you thought though, thankfully, and Seokjin was shaking his head to himself, not listening anymore anyway. “Astrology is bullshit. I’m sticking with it.” 

You welcomed the break in conversation direction, but seemed to steer it in an even awkwarder one, because well, you were you. “Not all the time. Lina made a fake account for Yoongi and we really didn’t match well on most things.” 

He sniggered. If a noise could both sound amused and condescending in one go, it was that one. “You really need astrology to tell you that?”

That silenced you. Maybe it was his tone, or maybe just what he said, but it made you feel a little stupid. Like possibly Yoongi and you had never really been right for one another and you’d just been deluded the whole time you’d dated. But also, what, Seokjin thought that the whole time too? He just watched you up and leave and attempt to have a relationship with Yoongi? Was he laughing behind your back this entire time? 

“Okay. What do I need to do?” 

Or maybe you were just too sensitive. There was no malice in his words, and there was no need to get so uptight about everything. He was smiling your way as he took his phone back and waited for your reply. He was going to use the damn app like you’d wanted him to.  

You grinned triumphantly, happy he was complying finally, and shuffled back closer to him. Apparently the slight squabble had created some unnoticed distance. “Birthday. Place of birth. Oh,” you suddenly remembered. “Birth time… Do you know it?” 

He looked at you through his bangs. “No. It’s not like I was mentally aware at barely minutes old.” 

His sarcasm annoyed you and narrowing your eyes you pushed at his shoulder. “Ask your mom.” 

“I am not going to get a reply at 2 in the morning.” 

Oh. That was right… It was late. You’d forgotten. With Seokjin time seemed to pass you by alarmingly fast. You swore your bedtime used to be at a reasonable hour before this friendship happened. 

“Don’t worry,” he chuckled, mistaking your expression. “I think I have an idea. It might be wrong though. What if one mistake tells us we’re mortal enemies?” You whacked his shoulder again and he hunched them, protecting himself as he typed in his info. “Okay, now what?” He asked when he was done and the screen loaded. 

“That’s your natal chart.” 

“I don’t know what that means.” 

You ignored him in favour of snatching his phone to scroll through. Once again pretty much clueless to it all but able to find remarks anyway. “Ouch. Aries moon.” 

“What’s that face for?” He practically worried, noticing your grimace. 

You shrugged. “Not really a fan of Aries.” 

“Hey.” 

“You can’t be offended. You don’t believe, remember?” You shot playfully. 

“Hmm,” he grumbled. “Doesn’t seem you like Sagittarius either…” God. Was he really upset over this? You fought the urge to call him cute. He probably wouldn’t appreciate it. Either that or wouldn’t let you live it down. “What do I do now? How can I find out if we’re compatible or not?” 

“Add me.” You did just that for him, searching your username before passing his phone back to him and grabbing your own to accept his request. That’s when you got distracted, scrolling through your account instead to read your long-awaited compatibility. Seokjin’s phone held forgotten in his hand as he waited for your reactions. “Oh,” was all you gave him. 

“What? Huh?” He sounded worried again. It wasn’t like it was a bad oh. Far from it in fact. But it was more of a shocked oh. This was much better than you’d had with anyone else. Much better than Lina. Much, much, much better than Yoongi… It wasn’t like you hadn’t been expecting it, but really it was just astrology… You know you’d fought Seokjin on the matter not ten minutes previous, but he did have a point… It wasn’t that serious… So why were you so happy right now? You were ecstatic over a damn astrology app because it told you that you got along well… Lame. 

“Lemme see,” he whined, totally discarding his phone to grab yours instead. You let him, still a little lost in your own head, buzzing over nothing, and he scrolled dumbly. “We have a lot of smiley faces, is that good?” 

There was a beat of silence, having to force yourself to make normal conversation again. “Yeah,” you smiled, leaning in to point at the screen. “We only have one conflicting aspect. Philosophies in life. That’s fine.” Seokjin seemed impressed, only you knew he secretly wasn’t having an internal breakdown over it like you. Your insides felt funny. No matter what you guys did, something always seemed to trigger your body into acting weird. Maybe astrological compatibility was a bad move. You were dumb. 

“Sex and aggression? What?” He muttered to himself, reading the headings of each section in bemusement. The next thing you knew, he was grinning smugly at you. You waited in confusion. “Hello. It’s telling me our sexual chemistry is off the charts.” 

“It is not,” you insisted, astonished he’d even say that out loud to you. Yes, there were times you skirted around your hook ups – the gym leggings always came to mind, when he basically admitted he’d checked out your ass – but as an unspoken rule, you didn’t speak about your past. Hell, you didn’t even speak much about sex in general. It wasn’t awkward, it seemed to work well, but now… Well, you’d done this to yourself, hadn’t you? Stupid fucking app… 

Seokjin cocked an eyebrow. “What it wasn’t off the charts?” You went to reply no, that wasn’t what you meant, but stopped yourself. That would just make things worse, and by the look of the smirk on his face he wasn’t done teasing you anyway. He wiped it away and regarded you seriously. “Please don’t tell me you were faking it the whole time.” 

“Eww,” you couldn’t help but exclaim, dragging the syllable out. Ahhh. You couldn’t believe this was happening. You could already feel your cheeks burning. The natural reaction to anything to do with sex and Seokjin these days. He picked up on it straight away. 

“Don’t go red,” he grinned. “I know I was the best fuck you ever had. This app basically confirms it.” 

“Oh, my god.” That’s all you could manage. Safe for wanting the ground to open up and swallow you and the couch, it’s all you could do. Those words had actually left his mouth, and now you were fucked. You’d be thinking about them for a long time. You shouldn’t be thinking of things like that when it came to friends. You tried to take a few hidden slow breaths, attempting to cool the scorching of your cheeks and sound normal when you spoke again. “Do you always have to speak about sex?” 

Teasing on teasing, it was the best way to go. Just ignore everything else, like the reality of the situation and hide. 

He answered, that shit eating grin still on his face. “Lies. I haven’t spoken about sex with you since we became friends.” Why did he say it like that, like he had it in quotations? You’d fucked up with this one, you should’ve just stuck to watching Vampire Diaries. 

“You get all uptight and red. Look like you’re going to explode,” he continued, nudging you with his shoulder. You shook your head, refusing to look at his face now. “Like now,” he laughed. You’d proved his point beautifully, because yes, your head was about 0.5 seconds away from blowing right off your shoulders from pure panic and awkwardness. However, not only that, but you also had the awful sinking feeling you get when you knew you couldn’t hide from something anymore. It wasn’t really him you were hiding from, but yourself… 

“What changed? You never used to get this embarrassed when I was—

“Stop right there,” you warned, jerking your head up to point at him, positive you’d keel over if he finished his sentence. That, or jump him. Your face was hot, yes, but so was your body. Between your legs was beginning to get that familiar glow. You couldn’t help it. The air had seemed to turn hot, stuffy, and despite your awkwardness over the conversation you were still very much sat tight to him, body curled in his direction. There was the whole of the couch but you two were crammed in one seat – like you had been all night. 

“Okay,” he surrendered, hands up, resting his head against the cushions again, before a little smirk spread its way across his face. “This app just obviously knows what it’s talking about.” 

You groaned instantly, defeated, turning to press your forehead into the back of the couch too.  “I can’t with you.” You couldn’t do this. Make eye contact, have a conversation that was tiptoeing around edges you didn’t want to acknowledge. You were flustered, awkward, and something told you Seokjin was loving it. He loved having this effect on you. 

“Really? Then tell me why you had sex with me way over a hundred times?” 

“YOU KEPT COUNT?!” That did it. You were so momentarily shocked, head bursting up to stare at him, the awkwardness was gone, distracted away. 

“No,” he replied, smiling almost sheepishly but still sounding unfazed. “It’s a guesstimate.” 

“A guesstimate?” You repeated, unable to stop yourself from laughing. He liked that, laughing too as he poked your knees with his fingers absentmindedly. “Seokjin, do you keep a little black book? A tally chart?” You teased, voice low. 

“No,” he insisted. “I’m just saying, we were hooking up for over four months. Now, not that we had sex every single day of those four months, because we didn’t. My dick would’ve fallen off, but there were times when you wanted me to fuck you multiple times in one night—”

You couldn’t help but interrupt him, scoffing in disbelief. “I wanted you to? More like you wanted to.” This was dangerous territory. You were enjoying yourself a little too much, forgetting yourself… Forgetting what you were so worried about. 

He stared at you, sarcasm loud and clear. “Okay. Keep believing that.” He pulled his hand up to scratch at his forehead and it took you a moment to realise at some point you’d latched onto it. “But anyway.” He continued, “say there’s 30 days in one month. Multiply that by four and you get 120. I’m actually being very lenient. We definitely fucked more than a hundred times.” 

“Oh my fucking god, you’re such a nerd,” you groaned. Your face still felt hot but the embarrassment had gone for the most part. No, it was something else… He was still a nerd though. An inaccurate nerd, but one nonetheless. 

“It’s simple math.” He shrugged, seemingly unbothered as he went back to scrolling through the phone to continue reading. You watched him, hoping he couldn’t hear how loud your heart was beating in your chest. The adrenaline was pumping through your veins scarily fast. For what? 

“Our way of loving is very compatible,” he nodded to himself, sounding like some sort of professor making sense of his findings.

You whined. “Quit concentrating on the sex.” Did he want you to start remembering back? That wasn’t a good idea, nor was it a good idea for the batteries in your vibrator. The thought almost made you cringe. You were twisted. Sick and twisted. Hope Seokjin was happy with himself. 

“I’m not! It keeps coming up!” He enraged, huffing softly to himself as he began to read again. You smiled. “Okay. How about this?” Obviously he’d been searching for something else. Something more substantial. “The way we grow and dream are aligned. That’s deep.” 

You smiled harder. “I thought you didn’t believe in astrology.” 

He upturned a shoulder. “I don’t. It’s just funny how they know our hook ups were pretty amazing.” 

“Seokjin!” You hit his chest. This wasn’t fair. 

“You’ve turned red again.” 

“No wonder.” However, it wasn’t due to any type of mortification like he probably thought. You were just very…uncomfortable, if that made sense. There was no longer a glow between your legs, but a burn. “Stop. What is with you tonight?” You whined. “You’re tired. You’re talking without a filter.” 

It probably wasn’t that. Usually careful, like you’d said, tonight was different. Very different. Similar to how you used to act when you were having sex with one another. What had gotten into him, and why did it feel like you were getting your hopes up? You were slightly nervous. Slightly scared. Slightly excited. Hopeful...  

“Nah.” He shook his head casually. “The app is just inflating my ego.” 

That was it. You threw your hands at him again, pushing at his chest in a bid to shut him up once and for all. He couldn’t just tease you and get away with it. It was grossly unfair. You were sensitive. Somewhere was sensitive to this kind of behaviour. Always had been. 

“Stop hitting me,” he yelled, indignant and dramatic, making you laugh. 

He grabbed a hold of your hands, stopping you from doing anymore damage to his precious body, but when you fought back he pushed you down, squashing you into the arm of the couch. Defenceless and at his mercy as he began tickling under your arms. You stammered his name, unable to do much else between the gasps of breath and high-pitched giggling, but he didn’t relent, leaning into you as he laughed along, sofa beginning to squeak under the avid movement, ticking whatever he could reach now. 

“J-Jin, stop—STOP,” you managed to finally shriek, trying your best to wriggle away from him. You stopped trying to fight his fingers in favour of going for something more sensitive. His nipples. In your defence, you were being attacked. You pinched one of them, missing the other while roaring, “You know I’m ticklish!!” 

“Hey. Woah. W-woah,” he panicked, easing up immediately but still lightly tickling your sides. “Not the nipples. You’ll make them bleed.” 

“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes. “You’re lucky I didn’t go for your dick.” 

“Lucky?” He eyed you. “I don’t know if I’d call it that.” 

Time seemed to freeze for a moment, his words ringing in your ears. There was really only one way you could take that, right? Dangerous territory back, however with the whole impromptu tickle fight, did it ever go away? This was just worse because he was basically on top of you. There was nowhere to escape – thoughts included. 

“You need to be stopped,” you warned, but there was a grin on your face as you spoke. The flirtation went both ways. You hoped he realised that, caught on. 

He pulled his hands back. It took you a moment to realise he’d stopped tickling you a while ago. “I can’t help it. I like hearing you laugh,” he said, smiling as he moved to sit properly again. He grabbed your hand to help you up too. You took it gladly, gripping it like you wanted him to know you didn’t want to let go. “I like seeing you happy.” He continued. God. What was he doing? You watched him tilt his head, looking you right in the eyes. “Do I make you happy?” 

You couldn’t fight your grin any longer, shaking your head a little in disbelief. It was both ways and he did realise. “I think you know the answer to that.” 

Your eyes locked for a moment, and you were almost begging him to just say something else, do something else, but the slight masochistic part of you loved the waiting, the unknown, the longing… It was like some sort of competition between the two of you. To see who could go the longest, tease the hardest, until one of you blew and gave in… Or maybe you were both just too nervous and scared and this was the only bit of relief you could get… Shameless flirting that got you embarrassingly flustered… 

Seokjin wasn’t going to burst tonight. He let go of your hand to pick up his phone, knowing you were still watching him as he smiled. “I’m sure some type of something will tell me that on this stupid app.” It took you a moment to catch what he was referring to. Words slipping through your mind and out of your ears as quickly as they sounded. Yes, that fucker made you happy and didn’t he know it. You stretched your legs out across his lap. 

“When’s the last time you went to a party?” 

You furrowed your eyebrows at his random question. Just like that your previous conversation was over, or just dormant until the next time it was brought up, which probably wouldn’t be a long wait. You shrugged. “Yonks ago. You know how much I hate them.” You wouldn’t say it out loud in fear of making the moment awkward, but the last two parties you’d attended weren’t very high up on your fond memories list… 

“Brian’s having one at his parents’ this weekend. They’re out of town. Come along.”

He sounded so casual you wouldn’t think he’d been practically on top of you tickling the life out of you not five minutes previous. Flirting with you shamelessly, basically insinuating he wanted you to touch his dick. Fuck. There it was. Thoughts slipping into your brain. You hoped he knew how infuriating he was sometimes. “I don’t know, I don’t know him that well,” was what you replied. You could do casual too. Even if your voice was slightly shaky. The tickling or something else, who knew… 

“He said I could ask you.” Seokjin shook your knee encouragingly, like he was softly urging you to say yes. “It’s not a big party, nothing too crazy. He said you can invite Lina too, her boyfriend.” He paused to shrug. “If you don’t want to come alone or with me.” 

You snickered. “I don’t want to cramp your style.” 

“I thought we both agreed I don’t have style.” 

That just made you laugh harder, pressing the pads of your fingers into the veins of his hand. He didn’t seem to mind. He really wanted you to come, huh? But you needed to hear him say it himself… “Do you want me to come?” 

He glanced at you, matter of fact as he replied. “I think you know the answer to that.” 

And just like that, not even two minutes later, you were back where you always ended up…

In circles. 

“Christ. I’m going to have to cut the sexual tension with a knife soon.” 

You turned to Lina, slumped and looking painfully held against her will on the couch next to you. You couldn’t tell if the party was shit or if it was something else, considering what she’d just commented. “What do you mean?” 

Her eyes widened, unable to believe you were actually that clueless. (You weren’t.) “You and him,” she paused to shoot a look over at Seokjin drinking in the doorway of Brian’s lounge. “You’ve been eyeballing one another all night.” She wasn’t bothering to whisper and you panicked, whacking her elbow. “He can’t hear us,” she exclaimed. She was correct. The music was so loud you bet there’d be a noise complaint soon enough. Brian lived in a nice part of town… 

It was so loud you managed to successfully evade her remarks. Not that she was really looking for an answer. If she was sensing tension, you were drowning in it… You were hoping it wasn’t that obvious... Maybe it was worse than you thought… These last few days had been a little weird. You’d finally managed to acknowledge that something was going on between Jin and you. It wasn’t just friendship, and you were nearly 100% certain he felt the same. You just didn’t know what it was you both felt, and you didn’t want to know just yet. There was plenty of time for that. Or so you thought. You’d made the decision to just wait and see how things naturally progressed, wanting to enjoy whatever the hell was happening between you two as it evolved. Only, it seemed to be evolving at a much faster pace than you’d expected. Tonight just proved that. 

You hadn’t seen him for near five days. Work and college were kicking both your asses, along with other friendship commitments, because apparently no one ever saw you anymore since Seokjin had arrived back on the scene… (Lina’s words.) You thought you’d be fine. You knew you were seeing him tonight, and you had been fine. Perfectly fine until you’d walked through Brian’s door and seen Seokjin in the kitchen knocking back a beer. Your first thought was how you’d been able to bear hanging around with him at such a close proximity when he was just so goddamn hot?! Dressed in all black, hair parted so that dangerous forehead of his was on show... You were made of steel. But not anymore… Your knees felt weak as he spotted you and raised his glass, winking playfully. That was Lina’s first groan of the night. By now you were twenty something deep and she’d totally gotten the message…

You wanted Seokjin. The thought had never been so clear. It wasn’t this clear when you were hooking up all those months ago and it wasn’t this clear when you were masturbating in your bed trying to fool yourself you were just sexually frustrated. It wasn’t even this clear four nights ago when you were lying in bed not an hour after the tickle attack coming up with the facts after Seokjin had left. 

The facts were you’d fallen for him. You didn’t know when, but it was obviously somewhere down the line of your new friendship. You didn’t even want to think when. It was all too confusing, and you had much better things to think about. Like how warm his hands were and how hard his body was. How cute his laugh sounded and how soft you remembered his lips to be… You couldn’t even think about what that all meant. For you, for him, for… Nevermind. You didn’t want to think tonight. That could come at a later date. You were sick of thinking. You just wanted to feel. 

You hadn’t felt like this in forever. You wondered if you’d ever felt like this? The excitement was similar to how it used to be months ago, when you and Seokjin were hooking up and you’d see one another at a party or out clubbing, but it had never been this intense. You felt giddy all night. It was pretty embarrassing, especially with Lina as your witness. But you couldn’t care, not when it seemed like Seokjin was feeling the same vibes. It was funny, like you were both playing a little game. You hadn’t even spoken in person all night, the stolen glances and little text messages seemed a better idea. Maybe there was some shyness involved too, or maybe Seokjin was still a little scared of Lina… Either way, you fooled around like that all night. You still kept rereading the first messages of the night in between smiles and now longing glances… You were actually taking another look when Lina had finally stated the apparent. 

 Seokjin  Hey : ) You look really pretty tonight  Not that you don’t always 

“Are you going to speak to him at all, or?” She prodded after a few more minutes, catching another smile your way. Seokjin noticed too and quickly looked away, probably afraid Lina would have his guts for garters if he stared long enough. 

You couldn’t help but giggle at him, replying at the same time. “He hasn’t come over.” Not that you were bothered. She knew that too. 

“Oh for fuck sake,” she groaned. “You’re enjoying this. I feel dirty. Like I’m watching in on something I shouldn’t.” 

You shrugged her off. She was miserable because Mr. Perfect Park Jimin couldn’t make it, too busy studying for a Monday morning test… You were surprised however, when she stood up to leave. “Friends my ass. I’m getting a drink.”

“Don’t be like that,” you whined. But also you were needy, you didn’t want to be alone in the middle of a party. 

She ignored you, leaning in to actually speak quieter this time. “Make a move or I’ll start hating him again.” You looked up at her with wide eyes, not quite believing your ears. Was this the voice of all reason? But maybe more importantly, was this Lina’s very own blessing? 

Her parting line before she flounced off left you sat there nonplussed. “Now I know why you care so much about my opinion on him.” 

You looked over at the doorway again. Seokjin was joking around with Hoseok and you took the time to really study him. Had the sight of just his face always made you this breathless? The way his cheeks rounded when he smiled, the ways his eyes crinkled… Even his ears were cute. Since when had his mere existence turned your life upside down and why were you only now realising it? 

It was like you were seeing clearly for the first time. Kinda like putting on your glasses in the morning and everything comes into focus. You could see again. No, you could finally see. Seokjin. It was him. It wasn’t just some sexual attraction you shared, a sexual connection. It wasn’t that small, that petty… It was more than that. You wanted it to be more than that. You needed it to be more, and you needed him to feel the same… 

You looked towards where Lina had disappeared. She saw it too. Make a move. That what she’d said, but you were scared. You were always scared. You’d gotten hurt so many times before. However… However, Seokjin was different. He wasn’t like the rest. He was Seokjin. The guy who knew you better than anyone. The one who had been there for you when you’d needed someone, helped you without asking… 

Make a move. 

You should make a move. You didn’t want to play games anymore. You couldn’t wait any longer. 

The buzz of your phone caught your attention. You opened the messages quickly. 

Seokjin  Look at me again ;(  I miss you  It’s been days since I last saw you

You kept missing one another. You’d just been staring at him for the past couple of minutes and as soon as you’d looked away, he was looking back… It felt like it captured something else. How you’d both been all this time… 

You looked up to meet his eyes. He gave you the warmest smile. One that felt like he hadn’t seen you in weeks even though he’d been in the same building as you all night. It made the tugging in your chest more apparent than ever before. The yearning now finally making sense. It was for him, and he was looking at you as if you were the only person in this way, way too fancy house. 

You looked away quickly, unsure if you even smiled back at him. Your heart was thudding against your ribcage, mind racing, and you really needed something. Water? Fresh air? No, something else… 

You i can’t look at you again tonight 

Seokjin  How come?

Seokjin replied immediately. Poor guy, he was probably confused by your peculiar behaviour. Not that you had much time to recognise that. You were too busy typing again. You knew what you needed. 

You  because i’ll want to kiss you 

And with that, you were gone. Darting out the opposite doorway. Brian’s house was massive, and you were pretty sure no one was allowed upstairs but you bolted up there anyway, the music getting quieter as you made it further. Your cellphone burnt in your palm, reminding you of your own stupidity, but soon enough it was vibrating again. You dreaded to look but knew you had to. 

Seokjin  Wait  Where did you go  ????

You made it down the hall, flicking on a light to see all the doors were closed. You tried your luck at opening one. It was locked, probably his parents’ bedroom, so you tried another. That led to a bathroom, and while it would do, you didn’t really feel like having a breakdown in there, you know, being at a party and all. You weren’t even drunk. The third door you tried was thankfully unlocked. A bedroom. Not Brian’s. Too florally. You sat on the bed, door ajar, letting some light in as you text Seokjin back with shaky fingers. 

You upstairs  i’m embarrassed 🤧

He replied instantly. He’d definitely been waiting. It made you feel better. 

Seokjin Don’t be  Can I follow you?

You please  i’m in the bedroom with the door half open 

You replied without much thought. Yes, you were embarrassed but you really wanted to see him. To speak to him. To kiss him. You really wanted that. How had you been able to suppress it for so long? 

You stood up to wait for him, unable to keep still and awkwardly stared facing the door, heart still thudding loudly in your chest. You could hear it echoing through your ears. He wasn’t long. He burst through the door like there was a fire but stopped in his tracks when he saw you stood there. Waiting for him. 

He smiled softly but his eyes stayed afraid to blink. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” You smiled back. Your first words of the night. They were enough. 

“What’s going on—”

Your mouth was on his before he could finish. You didn’t even remember breaking the distance between you two, but there you were, pressing your lips into the curve of his. They were just as soft as you remembered. Softer. But as soon as you’d had the feel he was pulling away, hooking under your elbows to part you both, looking bewildered. “Wait, you’re really kissing me?” 

You heart fell into your gut, opening your mouth to apologise. Maybe you’d misread everything. Maybe he didn’t want you. Maybe he’d followed you to let you down gently like the fool you were… However as soon as the panicked thoughts had entered your mind he was kissing them away, laughing in disbelief as he moulded into you, wrapping his arms around your middle. 

You met each flurry of his mouth, small kisses in quick succession, like you were both too afraid to break away for too long and you flung your arms around his shoulders, locking him to you. “Is that okay?” You whispered between hot presses, which was very pointless now seeing as he’d made the second move. 

He chuckled. “It’s more than okay.” 

And that was that. You didn’t need anymore insisting or persuading. Seokjin wanted to kiss you too, and that’s what you let him do. You wanted to think more. Like about how this wasn’t the best place to share such a moment. In a bedroom you weren’t allowed in. At a party for god’s sakes. Yet, perhaps it was fitting. That first night you’d spent together was at a party. It was a stupid idea at the time, something you thought you’d regret, but nope, you didn’t regret a thing. No, this moment right here was pretty perfect. More than pretty perfect. It was perfect. It really was. 

Just like him. You didn’t know when Kim Seokjin had become the one you were looking for. He probably always was, you’d just been stupid. Oblivious. Blind. These past couple of months had really opened your eyes. You’d let him into your heart. Your heart that you’d been sure wasn’t working properly. Turns out there was nothing wrong with it. It just thrummed to Seokjin’s smile. Seokjin’s laugh. Seokjin’s voice. You found the way he twitched his nose without realising cute. Couldn’t stop thinking about how adorable his serious face was. Remembered how surprised you were when you found out he actually had a pretty good singing voice and how after that you’d tried your best into tricking and baiting him to sing for you… It never worked. 

You laughed at the memory. Seokjin had no clue what you were so amused by, but he laughed along too. Sounding so genuinely happy it just made you laugh harder. You were lost again. Your thoughts would have to go on pause. Just for a bit. So you could enjoy this fully. This was what you’d been missing. It was crystal clear. Everything you’d been searching for. It was Seokjin. You were slow, months late, but it was him. 

The warmth of his tongue glided across your bottom lip, ever so gently trying to seek entrance into the warmth of your mouth. You gave it to him gladly, tasting him eagerly. The familiarity seeped through your veins, your mind almost in a dreamlike state as you moved together. Things were just how you left them. He still felt the same under your fingertips and tasted the same against your tongue. Only tonight there was a little difference. In the way he moved. In the way he treated you. There was something more. Something that had been missing in the past. Something you’d both never thought about. 

He moved you, walking backwards with you still cradled in his arms as he slowly began shutting the door with his back. He flipped you then, so that you took his place and he gently pushed you back until the door clicked. That blanketed you both in darkness, but you didn’t care. If anything he kissed you harder, hands running down your waist and digging into your hips as yours explored the broadness of his shoulders and length of his back. You could taste the slightest hint of beer too, but unlike in the past when you’d whined and pulled a face, you welcomed it. He matched each sweet sigh you gave him with his own low moan. 

However soon enough the deeper the kiss got, the more overwhelmed you became, each curl of his tongue taking the breath from right within your chest, so you were not disappointed or desperate when he slowed down, returning to kissing you in small, quick successions. His breathing ragged, his eyes unfocused as he fluttered them open to find you staring back at him. 

“Seokjin,” you murmured, clinging to him to now, fingertips pressing into his shoulder blades. You wanted to say more. You had a lot to tell him, but you were dizzy and the words wouldn’t come. God. You had so much to say. 

“I’m here,” he smiled, rubbing your noses together. As if understanding completely and reassuring you. He kissed at your mouth a few more times but it was no where near as urgent as before. All your pent-up frustration had evaporated and in its place was just the urge to keep on feeling things softly. Feeling things gently. 

He held your hips, keeping you close to him, and maybe he could read the look in your eyes. It matched his. “Sh-should we be doing this right now?” His voice was fragile. Still affected but also nervous. “Maybe we should slow down. Catch a breath.” He stroked up and down your sides as he continued. 

You let the comfort of his warm breath against your face wash over you and nodded slowly. 

“Sorry,” you apologised, although unneeded. “I do want this though.” 

He smiled again. “I want this too.” A kiss to the tip of your nose this time as you let out a soft exhale. You were too happy for words. Nervous, yes. Uncertain, you bet. However you hadn’t felt this contented in a long while. If ever. This relieved. It wasn’t a dream. Seokjin and you were on the same page. 

“Let’s wait until tomorrow?” He asked carefully. This was new to you both and you needed to make sure nothing was rushed nor ignored. “We can talk properly and work out what’s going on with us, hm?” 

You nodded again, lips sticky and warm as you tugged your bottom one between your teeth. “That sounds good.” 

He hugged you in response. A proper hug. One you’d been in need of for a while. You just hadn’t realised until his arms were wrapped tightly around your body, pressing you into his. You closed your eyes and inhaled his scent.

“It does,” he agreed.

Written 2019-20. Reworked/Edited 2020 Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2020

[douchebagbrainwaves]

THE COURAGE OF PROJECT

Then when you start a startup anywhere. That's why mice and rabbits are furry and elephants and hippos aren't.1 The very design of the average site in the late twentieth century. He got a 4x liquidation preference. Google, it's hard to get into grad school in math. Can we claim founders are better off as a result of this new trend. Where you live should make at most a couple percent difference. But investing later should also mean they have fewer losers.

They make something moderately appealing and have decent initial growth.2 If you major in math it will be whatever the startup can get from the first one to write a paper for school, his mother would tell him: find a way to turn a billion dollar industry into a fifty million dollar industry, so much the better, if all fifty million go to you. The classic yuppie worked for a small organization. Before us, most companies in the startup funding business. The best way to get a big idea can take roost.3 4 or 5 million. This essay grew out of something I wrote for myself to figure out how to increase their load factors. But you can also apply some force by focusing the discussion: by asking what specific questions they need answered to make up their minds. This plan collapsed under its own weight.4 Startups happened because technology started to change so fast that big companies could no longer keep a lid on the smaller ones.

The only place your judgement makes a difference is in the industry.5 People who do great work, and it's a bad sign when you have a special word for that. One of the exhilarating things about coming back to Cambridge every spring is walking through the streets at dusk, when you can see into the houses. If you have steep revenue growth, say over 6x a year, no matter how many good startups approach him. Recently we managed to recruit her to help us run YC when she's not busy with architectural projects.6 This works better when a startup has 3 founders than 2, and better when the leader of the company in later rounds. I'm not saying you can get away with zero self-discipline.

We're not a replacement for don't give up. What you should not do is rebel. But while series A rounds from VCs. Someone who's scrappy manages to be both threatening and undignified at the same world everyone else does, but notice some odd detail that's compellingly mysterious.7 Even Tim O'Reilly was wearing a suit, a sight so alien I couldn't parse it at first. They can't tell how smart you are.8 The story about Web 2. Maybe one day the most important thing is to be learned from whatever book on it happens to be closest. This essay is derived from a keynote at FOWA in October 2007. They'll decide later if they want to raise.9

Sometimes it reached the point of economic sadism: site owners assumed that the more pain they caused the user, the more benefit it must be to them. It's cities that compete, not countries.10 Kids are curious, but the best founders are certainly capable of it. But investors are so fickle that you can fix for a lot of time on work that interests you, and don't just refuse to. But you have to be an insider.11 A key ingredient in many projects, almost a project on its own, is to step onto an orthogonal vector. So ironically the original description of the Web 2. Back when it cost a lot to like I've done a few things, like intro it to my friends at Foundry who were investors in Service Metrics and understand this model I am also talking to my friend Mark Pincus who had an idea like this a few years ago.12 0 seemed to mean was something about democracy. We didn't have enough saved to live on. There is another reason founders don't ask themselves whether they're default alive or default dead.13

So most investors prefer, if they wanted, raise series A rounds. They're unable to raise more money, and precisely when you'll have to switch to plan B if plan A isn't working. That doesn't mean the investor says yes to everyone. Miss out on what? It's so cheap to start web startups that orders of magnitudes more will be started. Investors evaluate startups the way customers evaluate products, not the way bosses evaluate employees. The bust was as much an overreaction as the boom.14 Startups are undergoing the same transformation that technology does when it becomes cheaper.15 Another way to fly low is to give them something for free that competitors charge for. After all, a Web 2.16 He bought a suit.

Instead you'll be compelled to seek growth in other ways. They all knew their work like a piano player knows the keys. But consulting is far from free money. They say they're going to get eliminated. What does it mean, exactly? If investors were perfect judges, the two would require exactly the same skills. And to be both good and novel, an idea probably has to seem bad to most people, or someone writes a particularly interesting article, it will show up there. The mere existence of prep schools is proof of that.17 So far the complete list of messages I've picked up from cities is: wealth, style, hipness, physical attractiveness wouldn't have been a total immersion. Don't just do what they tell you to do. But advancing technology has made web startups so cheap that you really can get a portrait of the normal distribution of most applicant pools, it matters least to judge accurately in precisely the cases where judgement has the most effect—you won't take rejection so personally. If raising money is hard.

There is no sharp line between the two types of startup ideas: those that grow organically out of your own life, and those that you decide, from afar, are going to get rarer. While some VCs have technical backgrounds, I don't know enough to say, but it happens surprisingly rarely.18 Most subjects are taught in such a boring way that it's only by discipline that you can never safely treat fundraising as more than a startup that seems like it's going to stop.19 It sounds obvious to say that you should worry? One reason startups prefer series A rounds? When I was in high school either. If you feel you've been misjudged, you can do. Google. Of course, someone has to take money from people who are young but smart and driven can make more by starting their own companies after college instead of getting jobs, that will change what happens in college.

Notes

Though they are themselves typical users. But it takes to get good grades in them to private schools that in three months, a valuation. Giving away the razor and making more per customer makes it easier to get them to stay in a time machine.

Apple's early history are from an angel investment from a mediocre VC.

In the beginning.

Plus ca change. But on the other.

And that is exactly the point of a stock is its future earnings, you now get to go behind the scenes role in IPOs, which allowed banks and savings and loans to buy it despite having no evidence it's for sale.

However, it will seem dumb in 100 years. Digg is Slashdot with voting instead of blacklist.

Sofbot.

I write out loud can expose awkward parts.

I've become a so-called signalling risk.

Hint: the way they have because they couldn't afford a monitor.

And it's particularly damaging when these investors flake, because there was a new search engine is low. They have no connections, you'll find that with a wink, to take care of one's markets is ultimately just another way in which income is doled out by Mitch Kapor, is to raise money after Demo Day, there would be easy to discount, but I'm not against editing. As one very successful YC founder told me they like the one hand and the exercise of stock options than any preceding president, he tried to shift back. At three months we can't believe anyone would think twice before crossing him.

Progressive tax rates has a significant startup hub. He, like speculators, that alone could in principle 100,000 sestertii apiece for slaves learned in the early adopters you evolve the idea is crack. As we walked in, we love big juicy lumbar disc herniation as juicy except literally.

It's sometimes argued that we didn't, they thought at least accepted additions to the modern idea were proposed by Timothy Hart in 1964, two years, it was cooked up by the National Center for Education Statistics, about 28%. I've come to accept that investors don't like the bizarre consequences of this essay talks about programmers, but I know of no Jews moving there, and should in some ways First Round excluded their most successful startups are competitive like running, not the original text would in itself deserving. This is not whether it's good enough at obscuring tokens for this type are also several you can't even claim, like play in a city with few other startups, because time seems to pass. Please do not try to avoid that.

This kind of people starting normal companies too. If Ron Conway had been raised religious and then using growth rate to manufacture a perfect growth curve, etc, and then a block or so.

But it is to trick admissions officers. I meant. The mere possibility of being harsh to founders. As he is at fault, since 95% of the class of 2007 came from such schools.

I started doing research for this purpose are still, as they are now. There was no more unlikely than it would be easier to say that it is dishonest of the next round, that suits took over during a critical point in the usual standards for truth. Wittgenstein: The French Laundry in Napa Valley.

It wouldn't cut their overall returns tenfold, because they wanted, so the best ideas, they mean statistical distribution. The original Internet forums were not web sites but Usenet newsgroups.

A doctor friend warns that even this can give an inaccurate picture. At some point, when the problems you have no idea what's happening till they also influence one another directly through the window for years while they think they're just mentioning the possibility is that in Silicon Valley. I find hardest to get rich by creating wealth—wealth that, isn't it? Look at those goddamn fleas, they have less money, the big winners aren't all that matters, just as if you'd invested at a famous university who is highly regarded by his peers.

Compromising a server could cause such damage that ASPs that want to pound that message home. He, like arithmetic drills, instead of blacklist.

Thanks to Tim O'Reilly, Peter Norvig, and the guys at O'Reilly for inviting me to speak.

[angelstraightfr0mhell]

Get to know me unconditionally well

So @eatmyshiftsticky tagged me to do this cause they're super cool. Okay let's go, buckle up.

1. What is your middle name? 

It's a name

2. How old are you? 

59283958 years old

3. When is your birthday? 

August 19th

4. What is your zodiac sign? 

Leo

5. What is your favourite colour? 

Black and purple

6. What’s your lucky number?

I don't believe in luck

7. Do you have any pets?

I have one whole cat

8. Where are you from? 

Missouri 

9. How tall are you?

5'5" ish I think

10. What shoe size are you? 

Uh like and 8 and a half

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 

A few but I only wear like 3 pairs

12. What was your last dream about? 

I had a dream the other night that I was running through a field with the boys while "falling for you" by Colbie Caillat was playing

13. What talents do you have? 

I can make a bed and do laundry really well.

14. Are you psychic in any way? 

Actually yes (ask me about it if you'd like me to elaborate)

15. Favourite song? 

Oh damn, right now probably Strawberry Shortcake by Melanie Martinez because fuck men saying women can't wear whatever the fuck they want.

16. Favourite movie? 

Lilo and Stitch

17. Who would be your ideal partner? 

Someone who would help me commit a crime then hide the evidence

18. Do you want children? 

Hell to the NO

19. Do you want a church wedding? 

I would burst into flames if I walked into a church

20. Are you religious? 

Hell no

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? 

Too many times

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? 

Not yet

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? 

Not to my knowledge

24. Baths or showers?

BOTH

25. What color socks are you wearing? 

invisible ones

26. Have you ever been famous? 

When I was in high school everyone knew me as "Sean's baby sister" if that counts for something

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? 

Never. I like my privacy

28. What type of music do you like? 

Most things except country, trash rap, and garbage pop

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? 

I have actually

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 

3, one giant body pillow, one for me, and one for me love

31. What position do you usually sleep in? 

Any and all positions, I move around way too much

32. How big is your house? 

Not very, it's got like 3 bedrooms, a bathroom, living room and kitchen. And a spooky basement.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? 

What's breakfast?

34. Have you ever fired a gun? 

Once or twice

35. Have you ever tried archery? 

Not that I recall

36. Favourite clean word? 

Bleach

37. Favorite swear word? 

FUCKING HELL

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 

like 3 days

39. Do you have any scars? 

I have several

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 

Not to me knowledge

41. Are you a good liar? 

Depends on the lie

42. Are you a good judge of character? 

Oh hell yeah I am

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? 

Yes, badly

44. Do you have a strong accent? 

I don't think I do, I'm from southeast missouri so it's like not super southern but has that twang. And I put emphasis on certain syllables apparently

45. What is your favourite accent? 

All accents are good accents

46. What is your personality type? 

Too much

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? 

I don't even know. All my clothes come from antique and thrift shops so there's literally nothing of monetary value there

48. Can you curl your tongue? 

Not that I'm aware of

49. Are you an innie or an outie? 

Wouldn't you like to know

50. Left or right-handed? 

Righty

51. Are you scared of spiders? 

Nope. I'm the designated spider killer at work, literally any time there is a spider at work I'm the one that has to kill it.

52. Favourite food? 

PASTA

53. Favourite foreign food?

isn't all food foreign?

54. Are you a clean or messy person? 

Am neat freak

55. Most used phrase? 

"Builds character"

56. Most used word? 

FUCK

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 

Anywhere between 20 minutes to an hour or so

58. Do you have much of an ego? 

Not that I know of

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? 

I don't really eat lollipops

60. Do you talk to yourself? 

Yeah, way too much

61. Do you sing to yourself? 

Uh yeah, someone's got to

62. Are you a good singer? 

HAHAHAHAHAH no

63. Biggest Fear? 

Losing the person I love most

64. Are you a gossip? 

I am a human, I guess

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? 

Age of Adaline

66. Do you like long or short hair? 

Either is fine with me

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? 

Bitch bye

68. Favourite school subject? 

If music doesn't count then science

69. Extrovert or Introvert? 

Extroverted introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? 

Never ever

71. What makes you nervous? 

When you have a new guest down for a color and they come in with dark hair and say they wanna be platinum (hashtag hairstylist probs)

72. Are you scared of the dark? 

Not really anymkre

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? 

Sometimes but not always

74. Are you ticklish? 

Sometimes

75. Have you ever started a rumour? 

I'm sure I have

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? 

Yeah actually

77. Have you ever drank underage? 

Uh yeah, everyone has and if they say they haven't then they're lying

78. Have you ever done drugs? 

Sure have

79. Who was your first real crush?

This boy named Cody in kindergarten. I made him a necklace and he gave me a card

80. How many piercings do you have? 

Technically 3

81. Can you roll your R’s?

I can

82. How fast can you type? 

A decent speed

83. How fast can you run? 

I use to be one of the fastest runners in freshman gym class but I suck now

84. What colour is your hair?

Naturally it's a dark brown, artificially I'm a blonde

85. What color is your eyes? 

Green around my pupils and blue around the green

86. What are you allergic to? 

I'm intolerant to fish.

87. Do you keep a journal? 

I do for my tarot readings and witchy things 

88. What do your parents do? 

Mind your business

89. Do you like your age? 

Sure

90. What makes you angry? 

Close minded people

91. Do you like your own name? 

Eh

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

I've thought about dog names for when I finally have time for a dog

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I just want a dog, I don't care about gender

94. What are you strengths? 

I can drink an entire big bottle of wine and still be okay

95. What are your weaknesses?

I cannot have more than one and a half entire big bottles of wine and be okay

96. How did you get your name? 

It was the only one my parents could agree on

97. Were your ancestors royalty? 

They're dead, why's it matter?

98. Do you have any scars?

See question number whatever this was before

99. Colour of your bedspread? 

Is red

100. Colour of your room? 

Is grey

Tagging: @satans-helper @mountainofthesunn @sammyscherub @dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade @saywecanart @rubyknoby @jeordinevankiszka @sparrowof-thedawn

[gboxventspace]

I've started telling myself that it's a good thing when I'm hungry, again. Especially at night. Laying in bed, it's ok if my stomach hurts. It's a good thing, it means that I'm being efficient in managing what fuel my body is burning. If I eat before sleeping, it'll just sit in my gut and be wasted, right? So it's good to be hungry at night.

But it doesn't cancel out the day. Doesn't cancel out when I buy a bag of chocolate and eat way too many of them throughout the day. Eating reasonable portions at dinner doesn't cancel out how much sugar I pour down my gullet. In one month, eating better but starting to drink sugar sodas, I gained 10 pounds. And I was eating better! I wasn't buying junk, wasn't binging! But it didn't matter. Was it just the soda? Was it hormones? Both? How am I ever supposed to know, my body always laughing at the idea of cycles of any kind?

I don't have a sleep cycle, am either wide awake or deeply fatigued, no in between. No hunger cycle, eating only when food is necessary, either bc of time or bc of my mental state. If I don't take my meds I'll be obsessed with shoving whatever I can find down my throat, eating past the point of discomfort and pain because I h a v e t o, or I take my meds and see food as a burden, as something I need to survive but that more often than not makes me feel physically sick even when it's healthy and portioned right. No in betweens, physically or mentally, ever.

Well "ever" is an exaggeration, but it sure as hell feels like it lately. Then the obvious cycles of whatever the fuck my hormones are doing; my period tracking app has literally given up on trying to predict my cycle, it's always so irregular and unpredictable in timing and intensity and symptoms and fucking everything. what's consistency? what are healthy functioning bodily cycles?

This would be fixed if I just. Stopped. If I put my foot down, made myself put the phone away at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every morning, if I ate small healthy portions regularly, if I exercised. Just tack those on to going to class, doing my homework, showering, brushing my teeth, taking care of my hair, doing my laundry, and all the other necessary things that I just don't fucking do well enough or often enough. Why can't I? It's one thing to know "ah those are classic symptoms of depression", it's another to run out of excuses even there.

I have medication, I have therapy, I have support. I have so much, so much. I'm just not pulling my own weight, hah. Not strong enough to pull my own fucking weight. I'm disgusting, I really, truly am. My habits are gross, and I should know better. I DO know better, yet I'm not fixing it. I'm doing the bare minimum that I can, and retreating into comfort zones whenever possible. Physically, socially, mentally. All I ever do is run away and hide from things, lately. I used to be better. I used to have self discipline, used to take responsibility for myself and my actions. What happened...?

I brought my tattoo and henna pens downstairs, to keep them at my desk. Figured I'd be more likely to use them while idle at my computer, instead of in my bed. But now that my fingers are twitching with need to MARK, I'm finding myself short of any convenient markers. At least healthy ones. Hah.

Why do I do this, anyway? What am I hoping to gain? Attention? Validation? From others, from myself? I guess. But the pain helps, too. I don't think I could ever really cut, that's too messy, too out of my control, but there's still such satisfaction in drawing blood. Scratching leaves marks, is satisfying in pain, but rarely draws blood. Picking feels satisfying and sometimes has blood, but the scars are ugly. I want art. Maybe I should try and give myself a tattoo one of these days, but I know I won't, too afraid of messing up. I can't trust myself with anything.

I swing between extremes so many times a day. Wanting to starve myself into dust, wanting to carve off my extra, wanting to sleep away the world. Or, saying "fuck it" in the form of overdoing it, overdoing anything and everything, thinking it'll balance, trying to convince myself it'll balance, I'll make up for it. I'll make up for it somehow. But I never do, it just lingers, you can't put fire out with fire and I'm a blazing heap of trash. selfish, to boot.

I think that's what gets me even more deeply. I'm selfish. I feel so fucking selfish at every turn, no matter what I do. I'm never enough, I never give my all anymore. I used to. I thought. But looking back, did I? I've alwYs been shit friend, pretending to be the good and caring one 95% of the time just to have those moments of extreme fucking selfishness and hurting them, HURTING THEM. I hurt the people I love because I can't find balance, can't find middle ground, and they get caught in the down swing. Why does it have to hurt them too...?

11-16-19 5:27 am

[raindoecoates]

I’m watching a show about tech addiction and I’m inspired.

*Deep breath*

While I’m here on my phone, I’m also working on my art. Daily, my podcasts, YouTube, etc. make doing tedious things (laundry, dishes, watching paint dry) more appealing. Also, without social media, I’d have about zero contact with over 95% of you. I’d have no idea how you’ve been doing since we graduated or moved apart, what your kids look like, or how your lives are going. I’d feel less connected. I’d be less informed, less inspired, and less aware of the larger world. I’d have fewer cooking skills. (I have cookbooks. But, I’d read far fewer recipes from a smaller pool than I get from YouTube, which I can watch while my hands are otherwise occupied.) I do waste (spend) a lot of time staring (looking) at my phone. But, I used to waste that time staring at a TV, just sitting around, or staring out a window. When I talk about my childhood, I recall the highlights, of course. I talk about going out into the woods with friends, camping, swimming, fishing, playing outside. But, they’re highlights. If I’m honest, I also spent a lot of time doing jack shit. I’d guess, about the same time kids now spend on their phones. (I won’t even go into all the dangerous or unsavory things we did when we weren’t doing nothing.) Now, however, some of that screen time turns into reaching out, sharing, connecting, and laughing along with other people. (A friend I haven’t seen since high school just sent me a music video and we had a good exchange over it.) I give money to people in need that I wouldn’t have known were struggling before. I read and think about the struggles of entire categories of people that I wouldn’t have otherwise considered, or therefore cared about. Then, I have conversations with my kids about those struggles. People can now spot a catastrophic plague coming from the other side of the world, moments after it starts to spread. We have a big collective eye on the leaders of this world and the effects of their choices. I’d have had no idea what structures country X was building prior to the Internet. Now, I can look for myself! Holy shit! Right? We do need to get better at critically analyzing information, make it a priority culturally, but I’ll take more information over less every goddamned day. The trick, now, is to take our best bullshit filters and to each teach them to 2 or more others. Teach them to our kids. And, always ALWAYS refine by looking for new and better ones to hang on our mental tool belts. (I’d recommend The Skeptics Guide to the Universe as one good place to start, if you’re interested.) Just the other day, one of my kids shared an incredible headline with me. I was able to agree that it was (literally) incredible and to tentatively call BS on it. Step-by-step, we walked through the red flags that popped up for me and different ways to crosscheck information, to vet sources for credibility, and to either verify my suspicions or, had I been wrong, to change my mind with confidence. Our phones made that conversation and process possible and easy. We talked about what makes a source credible and what stands out about bad sources, why all opinions are not equally valid, about plausibility and internal consistency, and using tools like logic and informal logical fallacies. Examples and deep dives on all of this were just one easy search away. Hard to beat that, in my opinion. There is a big DARK side to the internet, social media, and smart phones. But, some of that is overblown and overstated. We’ve always wasted most of our time. And, most people get over the easy availability of baser things. (There’s more free porn than you can shake a ...well, there’s a lot. But, somehow, the internet still can’t crank out enough cooking shows to satisfy.) My point is, though there’s lots of bad, there’s also a reasonable argument to be made that our tech has the potential to be the best thing we’ve ever made for ourselves.

...Wow. Thanks, if you read all that! (Oh, yeah, we all write and publish more now, too!) Cheers!

[chaosamplified]

1: the meaning behind my url: chaoSAMplified. because it has Sam in it and Sam is my name (half of my name? I have 2 names now) and also because I thought I was really cool when I made it

2: a picture of me: my profile pic

3: how many tattoos I have and what they are: I have 0 currently

4: last time I cried and why: Wednesday because I was drunk and I listened to Mariana’s Trench

5: piercings I have: 2 lobe piercings in each ear but i only wear them in 1 ear

6: favorite band: Fall Out Boy

7: biggest turn offs: Republicanism

8: top 5 (insert subject): Anon didn’t give me a subject. Feel free to give me subjects lmao

9: tattoos I want: I want to get my t date on my arm (once I have a t date), something large on my left thigh and a lil ghost somewhere

10: biggest turn ons: I don’t even know I’ve had the same crush for like 5 years and the one other person I’ve had a crush on since then (maybe still do? Idk) is veryyyyy similar to him so uh. I literally don’t know

11: age: 18, 19 in 17 days!

12: ideas of a perfect date: Realistically like going to cedar point together just the two of us, idealistically like going on a week long road trip to the other side of the country and visiting the ocean

13: life goal: Get a Grammy

14: piercings I want: I don’t think I want any more

15: relationship status: Single and trying too hard

16: favorite movie: Nobody has an actual answer to this question. I guess I’d say The Imitation Game

17: a fact about my life: I had a personal protection order against someone at age 12? Idk

18: phobia: I’m a fearless bitch

19: middle name: Alexander 🤙

20: height: 5’1” for all of eternity

21: are you a virgin: Virginity is a social construct developed to slut shame women. Also as a Gay Trans that word has very little meaning at all

22: what’s your shoe size: 7

23: what’s your sexual orientation: We just went through this. Gay

24: do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs: I have smoked weed but don’t really enjoy it, never smoked cigarettes, yes drink, have lots of prescription drugs

25: someone you miss: Max :(

26: what’s one thing you regret: Not talking to my mom for 6 months in 2012

27: first celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: First of all I think of a person I know, not a celebrity. But Halsey is hot as hell. I’m so gay but Halsey man

28: favorite ice cream: Raspberry

29: one insecurity: b o o b

30: what my last text message says: From me: yeah no prob 🙂👍. From someone else: ok cool thank u lol

31: have you ever taken a picture naked: hnnnnng yeah

32: have you ever painted your room: I didn’t but my dad and sister painted mine while I was in France

33: have you ever kissed a member of the same gender: (I’m using gender instead of sex because sex is fucky): Yes a couple of ems

34: have you ever slept naked: Of course

35: have you ever danced in front of your mirror: Every single time I drink if I’m being honest

36: have you ever had a crush: Always

37: have you ever been dumped: Lots of times :-)

38: have you ever stole money from a friend: No but Charlie paid for a ton of my laundry once and I still have to pay him back

39: have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met: YES my boyfriend at the time was about to leave me at this place outside after an event but instead I got in this van with a whole bunch of his friends I didn’t know it was a mess

40: have you ever been in a fist fight: No I’m a bottom

41: have you ever snuck out of the house: Only once and it was to go with max to meijer at midnight and he bought a nerf gun and we shot at each other in his car in the michaels parking lot until like 2am and I have absolutely no regrets it’s still one of the best days of my life

42: have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back: I’m gonna say yes but also I’m not entirely sure how he feels so like. Probably yes

43: have you ever been arrested: No

44: have you ever made out with a stranger: No

45: have you ever met up with a member of the opposite gender somewhere: Yeah Alessandra and I just had lunch the other day. Jk I know what this is implying and I’m extremely gay and also no

46: have you ever left the house without telling your parents: This is the same as number 41

47: have you ever had a crush on your neighbor: Define neighbor?

48: have you ever ditched school to do something more fun: On my 16th birthday I stayed home so my dads girlfriend at the time could give me blonde highlights (yikes)

49: have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same gender: Yeah

50: have you ever seen someone die: No

51: have you ever been on a plane: Yes!

52: have you ever kissed a picture: Yikes probably

53: have you ever slept until 3: I hate that you say this like it’s a challenge, I do this at least 4 times a month

54: have you ever loved someone or miss someone right now: Yes and yes

55: have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by: Yes

56: have you ever made a snow angel: Yes

57: have you ever played dress up: It was my favorite thing when I was little (plot twist I’m trans now)

58: have you ever cheated while playing a game: Probably (ps I lose)

59: have you ever been lonely: Always

60: have you ever fallen asleep at work/school: So many times

61: have you ever been to a club: Yeah Lio and I went to Necto once lol

62: have you ever felt an earthquake: Yes! I was 5 and in California

63: have you ever touched a snake: Yes

64: have you ever ran a red light: I hope not

65: have you ever been suspended from school: No

66: have you ever had detention: No

67: have you ever been in a car accident: Yes but it wasn’t that bad, the car was totaled but everyone was fine

68: have you ever hated the way you look: Everyday babee

69: have you ever witnessed a crime: Yeah

70: have you ever pole danced: No

71: have you ever been lost: In a figurative or literal way? The answer to both is yes

72: have you ever been to the opposite side of the country: Yes I’ve been to California

73: have you ever felt like dying: Haha yeah

74: have you ever cried yourself to sleep: What are these questions of course I have

75: have you ever sang karaoke: Not in front of more than like 3 people

76: have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t: So many times lol yeet

77: have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose: YES

78: have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger: No

79: have you ever kissed in the rain: I’m trying to remember but I don’t think so?

80: have you ever sang in the shower: I’m a little bit shook myself by this but I honestly don’t think so?

81: have you ever made out in a park: Yes would recommend

82: have you ever dreamt that you married someone: Not like literally dreams no

83: have you ever glued your hand to something: Lol what no

84: have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flag pole: No gross

85: have you ever gone to school partially naked: No what

86: have you ever been a cheerleader: No but I used to say it’s what I wanted to be when I grew up lol

87: have you ever sat on a rooftop: Unfortunately no

88: have you ever brushed your teeth: Yes?????

89: have you ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone: Not too scared but I don’t really like watching any movies alone

90: have you ever played chicken: Like the water game? Yes with max and his sisters it was honestly a grand time

91: have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on: No but goals

92: have you ever been told you’re hot but a complete stranger: Yes I’ve been on tinder

93: have you ever broken a bone: Nope

94: have you ever been easily amused: A friend told me the other day that I laugh at everything

95: have you ever laughed so hard you cried: Of course

96: have you ever mooned/flashed someone: No consent is important

97: have you ever cheated on a test: If you say you haven’t you’re a liar

98: have you ever forgotten someone’s name: Yep

99: have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real: Do you mean like too good to be real or like I’m dissociating and they literally don’t seem real cuz uhh

100: give us one thing about you that nobody knows: I’m alone in a room with a stranger in a bed that’s not my own (jk listen to my song Matches on YouTube https://youtu.be/Q-SGbIjLYEI)

[suredahlia-arc]

hello hello ! i’m daisy ( 19 // est // she/her ) and my mind has been tricked by florence into thinking it’s 7am when it’s actually,, 4:30pm. i’m in the mountains so we shouldn’t be having it as hard as other places, but everyone is still worried abt falling trees and such ! all my suitemates decided to go be storm-chasers ( every single one of them ? ), so i could be living my best life rn, but i’d rather be writing up an intro for a character i have tried to play over four times then the rp died after,, like,, a day. bless. more below !!

♪ { MARINA DIAMANDIS. FEMALE. MARINA (AND THE DIAMONDS). }Oh shit. Is that BUY THE STARS by DAHLIA ANGELIS on the radio right now?! I stan, omg. SHE’S that INDIE-POP solo artist who’s TWENTY-SEVEN years old. They’ve been in the game for EIGHT YEARS and have THREE ALBUMS out right now. I think they’re very VERSATILE and INTUITIVE, but for some reason they come off as OBSESSIVE and CYNICAL in the tabloids. You mind if I turn this up? daisy. 19. est. she/her.

first, i feel inclined to say why i put “and the diamonds” in parentheses bc without context i either look super uninformed or like a total douchebag?? basically she’s going by just “marina” now but i didn’t know how wide-spread that knowledge was yet and technically all of her work still has “and the diamonds” so i was like “hm. parentheses.” and there’s ur explanation ! onto the intro:

BACKSTORY

TRIGGERS: extreme misogyny, brief mention of gaslighting/emotional abuse, briefly implied physical abuse

so i have been waiting to play a bitch inspired by the stepford wives for forever. if i ever actually finished books that weren’t assigned, wbk i’d read that bitch. but we settle for the 1975 movie. there’s ur preface.

i often get way too caught up in the story of the parents and wind up making just intros like,,, a novella, so i’m gonna do my best to skim over them and go more in-depth when i write the bio later on!!

so dahlia’s mom is inspired by neely “i’m a BIG STAR!” o’hara from ‘the valley of the dolls’ and her dad is, ofc, inspired by walter “no fun quotes or super extra™ monologues” everhart from, you guessed it, ‘the stepford wives (1975)’

just as a very brief explanation as to why “i’m a BIG STAR” wound up in the neighborhood she would, typical fall from glory, first manager whisked her away, “fell in love”, moved to a neighborhood where 95% of the women only found joy in cooking and cleaning

maybe if you HAD a fucking business...

i’ve made this joke so many times i’ve memorized this entire scene.

only one person irl has ever genuinely laughed.

it was my mom.

through a series of gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and groupthink, dahlia’s father gradually got her mother to buy into all of it and have strong opinions on the best laundry detergent.

so this was a strange place to raise a child, amirite ? i mean, you got women discussing tide vs. bounty while baking cake, you got men being treated like kings – we over here in the stereotypical 1950s. 

they stanned super small neighborhoods in wales, but should they have ?

so she had a very skewed idea of what was acceptable and what wasn’t. the boys were treated extremely “boys will be boys!” like – like... more than they are when we talk abt the problem with that sentence – and the girls were all wives in training.

it was acceptable for boys and men alike to do whatever they wanted without asking the other. it was acceptable for boys and men alike to complain over anything they wanted. it was acceptable for boys and men to do all of these things that, if we heard about them today, we’d be like “jail??” or, at the very least “leave.”

it was all good and well though!! but one of the four (4) duties dahlia’s mother had was taking care of the child (the other three were cooking, cleaning, and pleasing)

you see, she was used to dahlia’s father blowing things out of proportion when it came to herself – it was normal and healthy!! but she was not used to him blowing things out of proportion on their child, aka dahlia (you see, this is what happens when i start talking about the parents too much)

the first time just warranted a brief “hey, maybe don’t.” the second time warranted a conversation that ended poorly. third warranted an empty threat of leaving that ended poorly. fourth warranted an actual threat that ended poorly. fifth and a bitch was like “ok where r we and how do we get out!!”

after finding her way out, she settled with dahlia in a rly crummy motel, but what else are u gonna do when u only have the few dollars u managed to steal from ur guy??

y’all see i’m already talking in perspective of the parents i hate myself

so dahlia’s mom phoned so many old friends and relatives. unfortunately, as a previous neely “the whole WORLD loves me!!” o’hara who just seemed to drop off the face of the earth, almost everyone was like “bitch tf no you ain’t stayin here”

the last person she phoned was her mom, aka dahlia’s grandmother, down in athens. reluctantly, a bitch was like “fine.”

so dahlia was ~13 by now. her mom found work as a maid bc she was rly good at cleaning and also had no clue how she would ever get a good acting career back (although, mind you, you know a bitch went out for some community theater plays). her grandmother was able to live off the inheritance her late husband, dahlia’s grandfather, left behind – however, she also had a work ethic that drove her to just... do whatever she deemed the right thing to do at the time. 

an old woman doing some odd jobs?? you know it!!

dahlia learned how to speak greek which is great bc you know what?? i duolingo’d that bitch and that owl is a jerk who wouldn’t let me get past “ο άντρας” even tho i spelled it!! right!! i had so many ppl compare what i spelled and what the answer was and i’m still bitter!! 

anyway.

so like,, wbk a bitch has some unresolved problems. when you grow up in the equivalent of stepford (copyright 1972, ira levin), you gonna have some things to work thru!!

but she was also basically trained by that community to keep everything inward??

this is a musician rp so you know what she did??

SHE TAUGHT HERSELF TO PLAY PIANO AND WROTE SONGS!!

was a myspace queen tbh. technically speaking, she has more work out there than the three listed albums (i mean, we got mermaid v. sailor, the crown jewels, etc., etc., bUT)

decided “bitch i’m gonna make smth of this” and,,, did. so when she was 19 ‘the family jewels’ was released and,, like,, she decided “wow time to go be an american!!! i love bald eagles!!!”

so i figure the rest is kind of history?? i think i’ll be going in chronological order with the albums (in that a few years after that ‘electra heart’ was released, then ‘froot’, then a hiatus which we do NOT stan, then coming back with a leak ksksksks. BUT i may switch up electra and froot i’m not quite sure yet??)

ya! 

PERSONALITY

VERSATILE: ok so she never really does things quite the same ? alexa, play ‘can’t pin me down’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis. musically speaking, she really loves experimenting with different sounds. overall, she is still considered indie-pop, but we had some good new-wave pop in ‘the family jewels’, we had some good electropop in ‘electra heart’, we had some good general versatility in ‘froot’ (compare the song ‘froot’ to ‘immortal’ like we were boppin then we were havin an existential crisis). does not like keeping things the same in her music. does not like being compared to other artists bc?? everyone!! is different!! generally speaking, she’s just a very?? open person?? not as in emotionally open, open book – all that, as in willing to try pretty much anything?? as long as it’s not her actual routine, if a wrench is thrown in her plans, a bitch don’t care as long as the wrench ain’t smth dumb. here for a good time, not a long time.

INTUITIVE: ok so she got really into trying to read people and tbh psychoanalyze them ( alexa, play ‘savages’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis ) after leaving that. town. with a name she doesn’t even recall?? wbk a bitch would speak up abt it if she could so that all of the women could be fckin saved but she j doesn’t remember anything abt it!! other than the environment in general!! what’s the name?? besides somewhere in wales, what’s the location?? she doesn’t know!! mainly bc i don’t!! and also for the sake of her not actually saying anything abt it willingly!! anyway!! she really does her best to read people and situations in order to analyze like?? the safety aspect, the other person’s stance, etc. doesn’t always work, but she tries. is pretty good at it, but no pro.

OBSESSIVE: ok so y’all see up there me talking abt routines?? there are two (2) ways in which girly is obsessive. first, a literal manner. routines that need to be done so the world doesn’t fall apart. i mean, we stan obscured brain chemistry, but we also stan horrible environments that just exacerbate it, even into adulthood, in the end ( alexa, play ‘obsessions’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis. ) (also, i feel i should clear the possible iffy-ness this would have by saying that i’ve got ocd and will, therefore, be portraying it in a manner similar to mine so that it doesn’t come across as offensive to anyone else who may have a different form?? but most of the ‘routines’ won’t be very prominent in interactions). second, music!! when she gets started on a new project, -the mask vc- try ta’ stop [her]! -end vc- . will live in the studio until everything is complete and perfect. will spend her free time writing lyrics she knows she’ll never use bc?? why not?? gotta get that practice in!! can also apply to any other project types, but ofc the main ones would be music related so??

CYNICAL: ok. who’s gonna have a positive worldview after growing up where she did?? ( alexa, play ‘hermit the frog’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis ) who’s gonna stan that?? that said, there is not a single genuinely good person in this world ( alexa, play ‘savages’ by marina (and the diamonds) dahlia angelis again ) if u ask her like?? not only did she already have that view after coming to her senses but?? now she knows about terrorists, about people from the usa who are SUPPOSED to be the good guys killing innocent ppl from ‘enemy territories’ for fun, ppl assaulting and killing minorities just bc they’re not like them, etc., etc., etc. convinced no one is inherently good. rly has a love/hate relationship with life ksksksks

HEADCANONS

a lot of these kind of tie into personality tbh?? 

literally knows everything about every cleaning product ever. ask her about the pros and cons of any and she will tell you. she’ll also tell you when it was manufactured, the ceo of the company that created it at the time, what went in it to make it, etc., etc., etc. knows so much.

kind of going off of that, actually really good at cooking and baking?? she rarely does it willingly, but will make a hell of a chocolate soufflé.

TRIGGER: IMPLIED SEXUAL ASSAULT -  i don’t want to go too far into this bc it’s very triggering content to many ppl (and even to ppl who it isn’t, it’s j?? not good.), but.... i mean.... the boys in her formative environment were literally encouraged to do whatever they wanted and they didn’t need permission?? END TRIGGER.

i have a whole-ass routine already figured out. there are a lot of facets obviously, so i’ll just mention a few?? but count them all as one headcanon to be fair. 

sets an alarm to get into bed at 1:11am bc it’s a good number but 11:11 is usually too early. sets an alarm for 11:11am to wake her up. will chill in bed if she’s awake before then but it has yet to go off. only exceptions are when she’s working on something she deems urgent.

that said, good numbers are 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 10, 11, 12, 14, 16, 17, 18, 21, etc. no rhythm to it, but i wasn’t gonna go?? up until?? infinity??

if there are two doors that are both available to be opened and closed (aka not one of those “enter through this one, exit through this one”), will always enter through the right and exit through the left. 

we don’t stan sidewalk cracks!!

a lot of superstition plays into these. but?? loves black cats. they’re chill.

i have a stats page coming that has more so!!

during the eh era, be it the last one or the one before that, decided to method act while she was still writing the songs ksksksks. that’s going to go into some of her more specific connections.

a bitch will both fight and not fight. got ‘the family jewels’ attitude back and we stan!!

was obviously able to write the ‘housewife’ archetype songs from her own personal experience ksksksks. didn’t rly have to dive into the stereotype. j knew it already.

more?? later??

CONNECTION IDEAS

so i have a few specific ones that are attached to a different blog (u kno one of the ones that died) that i’ll be moving over here, but here are some of the ones that stuck out more than others – also, all are open to any gender!:

UPDATE: wc page is here!

during the eh era while she was ‘method acting’ (we hate.), she knew this muse was in a relationship but was still like?? “hey let’s go have a meaningless ons” bc we stan "homewrecker”! (can have a number of muses!!)

a relationship that really didn’t work out in the end. the other kept trying to make things better so they would stay together. inspired by “buy the stars” (one muse)

the first celebrity whose discography or filmography she got really into before moving to america. would’ve had to have been around for longer than eight years. slightly inspired by “hollywood” (one muse)

ok this one. makes me laugh. literally just someone who always gets her mistaken for someone else – it doesn’t even have to look like her. 100% inspired by “hollywood” ( oh my god! you look just like shakira! no, no – you’re catherine zeta! ) (open to two muses)

she’s not known for a good reputation, but she’s also not known for a bad one. this muse wants to turn her to the dark side and make her become everything she never wanted to be?? so very similar to ‘the bad influence’ connection, j w/ a slightly different connotation on dahlia’s end. inspired by “oh no!” (open to two muses)

these bitches were either friends or love interests once, but things fell apart (either mutually or on the other’s side like?? i don’t want to godmod but for the song’s sake). dahlia is,, bad abt forgiveness,, but there have been enough apologies. inspired by “forget” (open to one muse)

dahlia has a very keen interest in this person. whether it’s infatuation or literally just interest, god only knows! obviously goes deeper than that but i’m horrible at explanations. suffice it to say, inspired by “immortal”

ok!! so now j some general ones!!

best friend

ride or die

drinking buddy

fwb

ons

exes

enemies for whatever reason

frenemies

collab partner

muse for any of her songs?

etc., etc., etc. !

LIKE THIS OR HMU IF U WOULD LIKE TO PLOT !

u can also find me on discord @ john donne’s whore #5590

[kujo1597]

@humanamedotweek Day 7: College

“I’m worried,” Peridot sighed while folding laundry on the bed. 

“About what?” Amethyst almost balled up her socks out of habit. For over thirty years she did that, but after moving in with Peridot eighteen years ago she had to stop doing it.

“Turquoise, going to college.”

“Ah, that, I never went so I don’t know what it’s like. But you did.”

“No, I went to university,” a distinction Peridot had always made.

“Same diff,” Amethyst said with a shrug.

Peridot sighed. “I suppose it’s splitting hairs because my concern has nothing to do with the type of post-secondary Turquoise has chosen.”

“So what is your concern?” Amethyst coaxed, even after all these years Peridot’s conversational skills were odd.

“That in being so far away from us Turquoise will fall into the wrong crowd.”

Amethyst loudly chuckled.

“What?”

“Dude, you’re literally covered in tattoos from head-to-toe and you’re worried about your kid falling into the wrong crowd.”

“Hmph,” Peridot was mildly offended. “You know me. I never got lower than a 95% in all my classes, I was an engineer, I’ve never broken any important ru-”

“-Yeah, I know. You’re a good egg. But c’mon, you have to admit, the image of somebody who looks like you being worried about bad influences is funny.”

Peridot cracked a smile. “Okay, that’s true. But that doesn’t change anything. I worry. And what if she gets hurt? Who will call us?”

“That’s what emergency contacts are for.”

“That’s for the hospital, will a schoolmate know to phone us?”

“Well, no, but something she wouldn’t go to the hospital for isn’t serious enough to need your moms to fly to the other side of the country for.”

“True, but how will we know if she’s eating properly? Malnourishment is serious.”

“Won’t happen, you taught her how to budget and I taught her how to cook. And she’s built like a fucking truck and takes pride in that. She won’t let that go.”

“Bodybuilders are frequently malnourished.”

Amethyst rolled her eyes. “Peri, chill. It’ll be fine; we’ll talk to her about calling us, maybe every week at first, and then once a month. And we’ll chat and ask how she’s doing. And she can visit us, or we can visit her. It’s not like we’ll lose touch.”

“You’re right,” finally a genuine smile. “I’m just such a worrywart.”

“You sure are,” Amethyst gave Peridot a squeeze. “It’s sweet though.”

“At least I have you to help reel my thoughts in,” Peridot kissed Amethyst on the forehead. “So how are you holding up?”

“To be honest, I’ve been freaking out a bit too,” Amethyst had finished with her socks and flopped onto the bed next to where Peridot was sitting. “I don’t know anything about college, just what they show on TV shows and I know those aren’t always accurate. I was worried about Turquoise getting drunk every night and making the same mistakes I did when I was around that age.”

“We did a good job of raising her,” Peridot spoke matter-of-factly. 

“My mom did a good job of raising me.”

“Yeah, but there’s also the fact that Turquoise has never shown any interest in alcohol in the slightest. I think she ended up taking after me in that regard.”

“That don’t mean anything. I didn’t either until I was old enough to drink.”

“Well, if Turquoise does make mistakes we’ll still be there for her to help her. We love her, she knows this.”

Peridot ran her fingers through Amethyst’s hair which helped calm them both down.

“And it’s like you said, we’ll talk to Turquoise about keeping in touch with us and we’ll visit each other,” Peridot decided to flesh out the plan a bit more. “And if we notice anything off we can help her best we can. I think the main importance is her knowing that we’ll always been there for her if she needs us. That’s largely what helped me throughout my life; knowing that my dad will always be there for me.”

Peridot cupped Amethyst’s cheeks and kissed her on the lips.

“And of course you’re another large reason why I made it as far as I have. Amethyst, you’re good at helping people and being there for them. Everything will work out.”

“Same goes for you,” Amethyst smiled and pulled Peridot in for a second, longer kiss.

[raynebowrayne]

Random 4a.m. thought:

Life is going to throw you lemons. There is no 'maybe' to it.

You can choose to eat them raw, or you can make lemonaid.

But what if you don't like lemonaid? Or lemons? Or any sour/bitter thing? What if you can't handle sour/bitter things?

I know that I for one can't handle sour/bitter things. I become incredibly depressed and sometimes even suicidal when life pelts me with lemons... as it's been doing lately.

I've struggled for decades with Bi-polar disorder. Life's lemons may as well be made of semi-enriched uranium l for how utterly devestated they can leave me. I sometimes spend months so deeply depressed that I rarely leave my room. I sleep 12-16 hours a day. I eat three or four times in a week, if I'm lucky... I don't feel hunger... And hygene? What is that? How you're supposed to greet Gene Simmons?

I completely fail as a human being for months at a time.

But this time... this time is different. I... just... I realized, I can make lemonaid, and give it to those folks that I know need it. I don't have to drink it. I can give it away. I can find someone worse off than me and shower them with all that sugary lemony goodness, and take joy from having improved someone else's life... especially when I need someone to do that for me.

So, I did that.

From January '18 through the end of March '18 I was highly active on this site (Tumblr). I spoke to a lot of wonderful people, some of whom I quickly began to think of as friends. I'd be on here all day, everyday... literally writing a 90k+ Reylo fanfic between conversations with sometimes 3 or 4 people at once. I loved every second of it. I thrived on it... but my homelife suffered and then came to a crashing halt just after easter.

It's been tough, and I'm not gonna lie, I spent two weeks as a human embodiment of depressed failure. But finally I dragged myself out of bed. Stinky and greasey and in the same clothes I'd been wearing for god-knows-how-long I pulled my hair into a tight, grease slicked bun and slapped on some deoderant and went to check on my neighbor who had been involved in an auto accident. I didn't know many details, but I did know that she had lost her mother in the wreck and her brother/best-friend-for-life was still in the hospital... almost two weeks after the crash.

While I was there, listening to her pouring her heart out about her family time slipped by... hours in fact. I noticed that she hadn't been checked on once during that time. Not once. She had a broken foot, 5 staples in her head and chest contusions from slamming into the front seat (she was in the back, no seatbelt on).

She was highly unsteady on her crutches, to say the least... and under the influence of fully sanctioned opioid (sp?) Pain killers. She NEEDED help. She NEEDED someone to take care of her... her nephew and his gf were living in a camper in the driveway. They came in a couple times a day to cook (...usually in the wee hours of the morning...) or to shower/do laundry. My neighbor isn't a night owl. She's up by 8 a.m. when she sleeps in.

So, I stepped up. I got right up and fixed her something to eat, cleaned the kitchen and straightened the livingroom. She thanked me tearfully and I could feel how much that simple little bit of care had meant to her, and it felt good to me. So I came back. And again and again... everyday. I cleaned the whole house, did all the laundry, cooked or fetched whatever she wanted and it actually seemed to help her come out from under the dark cloud of depression and begin to move through the grieving process. I was helping her... and it felt good.

Her brother was finally released from the hospital and he came home with two surgically reconstructed lower legs as well as a dislocated rib and closed head injury... not to mention a ton of survivor's guilt... he was the driver. His mom died.

He needed types of care that I could not provide. I am not physically capable of lifting this guy or shifting him around. But what I could do, I did. Food, drinks, snacks, another pillow, shift his leg pillows for comfort... get his nephew to come help him out with stuff that I couldn't do...

I was dog tired and sore by the time I'd hobble home at night, leading my 95% asleep (because I had to wake him up to move him) 8 year old son by the hand. I worked my butt off for 12-16 hours a day for almost a month... My body began to hate me, especially my bad ankle and bum knee... but it felt good. I was helping.

A few days after the brother came home he began making the necessary calls to his insurance, medicab, etc etc. He was quickly overwhelmed and asked me to talk on his behalf to a lot of these people. I did what I could.

Well, his insurance co. Had to speak to his sister, to her they offered a lump sum of cash plus medical expenses. She accepted.

She starts talking about giving me money. I don't want her money. That's not why I was there. Money had nothing at all to do with me doing what I was doing. It felt good to help someone who needed it. That's why I was there. That's the only reason I was there.

My life had fallen apart, it was complete shit... but that was ok, I was helping, and it felt good. That was the only thing I truly needed... to feel like I could still contribute, I wasn't just a useless waste of space who had failed AGAIN.

I wish I could tell you that life is all bunny-slippers and rainbows now, but that's just not true...

Once the word 'money' entered into the wind the camper-dwelling girlfriend began to agressively try to shove me away from helping... not by stepping up to do for her boyfriend's aunt & uncle but by bitching me out over absolutely everything I was doing.

*me cooking dinner at 11 p.m after her saying at 6p.m. that she was gonna start dinner soon, her: I swear the god! *bitchy flounce* Why do you keep doing stuff I say I'm going to do?

*me mopping the floor on day 10 of her "I'm gonna sweep and mop in here just as soon as I get back from-" insert place, her: I said I'm gonna do that! You need to seriously stop doing the shit I say I'm going to do! *bitchy, slightly threatening posturing.*

And on and on... then came bill day...

Gf: We aint payin half the bills when SHE'S here everyday using electric and water and doing laundry everyday and taking showers and eating here for free.

I'd had 2 showers in three weeks there... I'd also bought $250 (a month's worth for me and my son) in groceries for them by that point... and the laundry I washed was all theirs minus one load of mine...

She even bitched about having "two dinners" everday because aunt n uncle like to eat before 8 p.m. and gf and nephew like to eat at 2 or 3 a.m. ...even though I made plenty for them too... they just refused to eat it.

I gritted my teeth and plugged on... most of the good feeling of helping sucked out of my soul by gf's treatment.

Finally, aunt's son gets out of jail and comes to help.... or so his mom said... the second night home he walks down the block and ODs on heroin. I was the one on the phone with 911. So, now I'm cleaning up after and cooking for 7 people... two invalids, one child(mine), and three able-bodied adults, one of which is chewing on my ass like it's made of beef jerky, one who may as well not be there and one that damn near killed himself via OD the day after I met him and then proved to be *shockingly* of very little use in helping to care for his injured relatives.

Finally it got to be too much negativity... The joy was gone, depression settled back in, I went for shorter and shorter times, did less and less...basically weened them off of me... until finally I just stopped going down there.

So, making lemonaid for other people turned out like so much else in life... bittersweet.

But I highly recommend it... it is worth doing, no matter the outcome, because it'll remind you of what YOU are worth.

[mineofilms]

Day of the Dead

Today Marks the 1-year anniversary of me being carried off on a stretcher and taken to the ER. Like my 1-year anniversary for not drinking, I am not really sure how I feel and/or reflect about all this. I know the last calendar year I have grown/changed a lot internally. Not just medically/mentally, but internally/spiritually as well. I have changed in so many ways it is hard for me to put it into articulating patterns of words to understand.

I am not one to really air my laundry on “the Facebook.” I know a lot do it but, I do not. I am very transparent about my feelings/thoughts these days just not on this specific platform. Main reason being is people do not read and/or understand what is actually being presented and said. They see the parts they can associate with and run with that. I can tell you from experience this is not the correct way to “get me.”

Not that really anyone should be doing that. You should be doing you and yours. If you consider me part of yours that is great and all. I don’t see it. I have a standard for such things and there are people out here that get that, they know. I make/made the effort.

I am only saying this because it is true from my point of view. I am not screaming for attention or anything of the sort. I actually do not care for much attention. I get what I get from the people I want/need it from and that is it. My circle is very small these days.

You cannot really associate Mineo of 1994-95, 2000-2004, 2009-2012 to Mineo of 2020-2021. I am a completely different person. Sure, some things are the same, but much has changed. I am good with that change. Finally, emotionally, I am in a place where I feel I am solid.

However, mentally, medically, life. No. I am not there. I do not move at the speed in those areas like I used to. I do make progress… It only works when everything is working for me, not against me. I take a step forward only for the Universe to throw me back a few steps and the process starts again.

That was fine and dandy; as I was always able to roll with those punches. However, I cannot do that anymore. I don’t have “that” in my back pocket anymore. Like many things I used to be able to do at a high level, I can no longer do.

If I attempt to do it. I have problems. Problems of the sort that tends to stop whatever show is going on around me. I have “mini” episodes just about every time I leave the house now.

In the case people have not been paying attention today’s anniversary is when I had Covid-19; which sent my diabetes into a rapid black hole where Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis set in. I probably would have not made it through the night if I didn’t call 911 when I did. I had already been sick for 2 weeks at this point and about 3 days deathly ill.

I was in the hospital for 5 days, 3 days after I got out I went blind with edema in both eyes and later diabetic retinopathy. I have had extreme anxiety ever since; that they are saying I have severe PTSD from the experience. I have also had 3 therapists tell me I have bipolar tendencies now in the past 2 months.

With all that said we are a calendar year later and I am only “moderately” better. I still have severe vision issues to a point I do not drive at night. Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis are still there, just dormant. As long as I keep my blood sugars normalized and do not get sick I can live with this. I have had to change the way eat, obviously, but not just for diabetes. The Diabetic Ketoacidosis & Pancreatitis fucks with my digestive track. I try to make smart food choices based on what little money I have and what I can just tolerate.

Do not tell me to go vegan… I am NOT trying to destroy my digestive track, thank you very much… Don’t even get me started on those topics…

Since I am reflecting here I am not really sure how I feel/think. When I tell people I am trying to get well before I try to live again, everything in life that is a distraction to getting me right just gets ignored.

I literally do not see it.

I pretty much have said all this before. If one feels inclined to go read those blogs. Feel free too. I will post links at the credits of this BLOG.

This blog really isn’t well thought out. I am just sitting here free writing. I have found that when I sit to write I can really crank out some words. I can write a 2,000 word blog now in about 2 to 3 hours. After writing the BLOG, rereading it, correcting grammar and such. I feel pretty good about that.

I know most of you will not read 1,000 words, let alone 2,000 words. My Facebook is crazy on how narrow the vision is with people of what is actually being said in a post. It has gotten so bad I hardly ever post directly onto the Facebook anymore. I will post on my IG and it will auto-post to Facebook when I want it to. When I post on Instagram it is for my Instagram followers. The intention is going there. I realize I know most of the people in some way on my Facebook, but it is not like that on my Instagram. I follow way more people there and most of them I do not know and they do not know me.

However, I have made some really great, real, and important friends there. To a point where I value their friendship in a more important way than I do with people I have been friends with in the world for decades.

It is why I feel like there is a huge disconnect between the Facebook, its people and I, in relation to, well, relations. I feel like people see me now but really see “that old Mineo from VAMS/VHS/MCC years.”

Yeah… That guy doesn’t exist anymore. He hasn’t in a long while now. The best I can remember maybe as far back as 2013 when my health first started giving me real problems. At that point; me disconnecting from “that life” had begun. By 2016 and 2017 I was too busy to worry about all that, including my health. I had another really bad issue and life shifted again.

The point I am trying to make here is that if you think you know me. You don’t. Things have changed. If you haven’t been around in the last 18 months or so and we do not talk at all you do not know me very well. Some loose associations, sure. I am very disconnected when compared to the last time we hung out as friends. I am saying this not to be mean or an asshole or anything. It is just true. I cannot entertain people and pretend I am good to go when I am not. I am not even sure if I would be able to bring you into the fold either. Sure, I will believe I can, but I honestly do not know.

I do not know what I can take before I start to have issues and just shutdown. When I feel overwhelmed I shutdown. I do not respond to people or anything. I just leave, go back to my hole, do something I enjoy and start the process again in the morning. I cannot apologize for this and I won’t.

It kind of feels like being a new person of sorts. I like my small circle. I do not require being the center of that circle. For a long time I did. I wanted to be number 1 and in multiple circles. I pulled it off at some moments in life. However, that wasn’t me and it actually has some responsibility of “how I got here right now.”

In some respect this is exactly what my soul needed. The issue is now L.I.V.N. Livin’… I need just a few things to go right and I can handle the rest. I wrote this more for me than I did for you all. As I already know, few will read this. Obviously, if you are reading this, it isn’t from Facebook. The link, sure, but these words are not on that Fuckin’ Thing…

Below are links to the other blogs directly associated to this topic. Might be interesting. There are more details as to the specifics, as I saw them, during the time of writing. These are my feelings about it all now, exactly one year to the day and the actual time I made that call. As I wrap this up that hour just approached.

 Day of the Dead David-Angelo Mineo 7/11/2021 1,525 Words Blog 1 Blog 2

[emmettrobling]

BRIGHTWOOD CHALLENGE 02

1: How high is your libido? Its smoked more than its fair share of joints, my friend, I’ll tell ya what.

2: Rough sex or soft sex? Rough, soft, fast, slow, whatever floats my boat in the moment. Really that’s up to my partner though. I don’t care either way, I’m getting some.

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes? I myself am an unusual kink or fetish. 

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex? You mean me just having sex isn’t weird enough? Kidding, kidding. I guess the kitchens.

5: Favourite sex position? Any and all are just great. But, ya know, I do like to ride my partner. I’m hot like that

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive? That’s for me to know, and only one person to find out. And, I’m pretty sure he already knows. I’d be happy to show him though, if he doesn’t. ;)

7: Have you ever had any one night stands? In the past.

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor? Why limit myself? Expand those horizons. Sex anyplace, any time.

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place? Maaayyyyybeeeee

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating? I sure have. I’m quite sure it was more of a shock for them than it was for me.

11: What does your favorite sexy underwear look like? Well you see, they’re a pair of boxer-briefs with a wolf’s face on them, and my dick goes in the nose part, so when I get a stiffy it looks like his nose is growing. Real fuckin’ hot, those are.

12: How often do you have sex? Normally about 6 times a week.

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with? For sure. Yes. Without a doubt. Whenever he wants. Any time he wants. @pyreddiekaspryk

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex? Giving, scout’s honor.

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex? Cumming too quick. I’m talking 120 seconds quick. What can I say? Shit happens.

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex? Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer. 

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex? The Titanic Song.

18: Are you into dressing up for sex? I don’t know if anyone has told you, pal, but you’re supposed to be naked for that stuff. It just tends to work better that way.

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower? Shower.

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be? He knows who he is.

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you? Eh. I have. They aren’t all that great in my humble opinion.

22: Do you/would you use sex toys? I would, yeah. Sometimes I do. Depends on how adventurous I’m feeling.

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture? I have, I should do that more often though...

24: Would you have sex with your best friend? Nah, I don’t think @thomasmoorebhq could handle all of this sexy.

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)? Oh, you know, the usual. Go for a light 15k, do some push ups, have a snack.

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny? Something? I can’t really say. I’m pretty easy to get going though. One person, however, will never fail. That I can promise. 

27: Early morning sex or late night sex? All the sex.

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex? Eyes.

29: Favourite body part on the same sex? I love me a real good, sexy set of ears.

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find? I’m not going to go telling you all my secrets.

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you? Nothing comes to mind. I’ve been in plenty of situations others might consider weird but, uh, have you met me?

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?] I haven’t, oddly enough. I’ll have to make sure to change that.

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom? That depends.

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience? Salami, definitely.

35: Worst possible time to get horny? While you’re on the toilet.

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? Like it, love it, want a whole hell of a lot more of it.

37: What is the most amount of times you’ve ever orgasmed in a day? Like 8.

38: Best sexual complement you ever got: “Hey, that wasn’t that bad.”

39: Favorite foreplay activities: The three T’s: Tonguing, touching, and teasing.

40: What do you wear to bed? Nothing ;)

41: What is your biggest turn off? Anything bathroom related. Scrubbing toilets shouldn’t be a turn-on for anyone.

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself? I might. Don’t know. I’ll have to go digging.

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside? Outside of what?

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public? Okay, okay, you got me.

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome? I have, but I don’t know that I would again unless someone was, like, dying for it.

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate? An empty laundry detergent jug.

47: What is your favorite type of porn? All porn is good porn. But...I don’t know. I really like watching people cum. I’m a creeper like that.

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not) Who doesn’t? Don’t you? 

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in? Tattoos can be cool and all, but they aren’t like...A fetish for me or anything.

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity? Only one person I’ve ever and would ever. All of this just isn’t for everyone, not in that situation.

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter? Anchovies.

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute? You mean I’m not already both? Where the fuck have I been?

53: Do you watch porn? Do you breathe oxygen?

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why? I have, for both sexual and nonsexual reasons.

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”? Oh yeah, I frequently run out of underwear.

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair? I give fewer than zero fucks. Negative fucks given.

57: If you could give yourself head, would you? Hell yes! What a fucking talent to have! 

58: Booty or Boobs? Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass...

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?) Fuck no. I’m not a total douche.

60: What is your dirtiest sexual fantasy? I believe I’ve said this before. But, to be honest friend, I really just want to be fucked.

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? I sure have.

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) Whatever feels/looks/sounds good at the moment. Jerking it, humping it, fucking it, whatever.

65. What is your bra/penis size? I’m somewhere between a green bean and a $5 footlong.

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? I don’t generally put strange things in my anus, do you?

67. When was the last time you masturbated? This afternoon.

68. When was the last time you had sex? Last week.

69. When was the last time you watched porn? This afternoon.

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? Generally I like to steal all my sex toys. It makes the whole experience just that much more exciting.

71. Circumcised? Do you wanna see?

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? My neck is always a good place to start.

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? My dick.

74. Are you able to achieve orgasm just through nipple stimulation? I’ve never even considered that. Probably not. Maybe. Now you’ve got me thinking...

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone? Maybe I have.

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? Shit, like three nights ago.

77. Which wet dream was your favorite? ;)

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? I have more than a friend who I’d willingly have sex with.

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? Nah, that’s just not realistic. I’m a pretty realistic guy.

80. Least favorite sexual position? Reverse Cowgirl. It robs my partner of the opportunity to see my angelic O face.

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? Maybe. So what?

82. Are you into any BDSM? I could be. 

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? Yeah, that used to be a thing. Not anymore though. 

84. Do you like dirty talk? Do you drink water?

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? Do you really think I’m ever quiet? Ever? Like, literally ever?

86. Have you ever been interrupted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? I have been, gotta love roommates. And family. And friends.

87. What kind of porn do you not like to watch? Clown. Definitely clown.

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? Confessions aren’t my style. Don’t believe me? Ask the local PD.

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them? I’ve masturbated for more reasons than that.

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? I have, but nah.

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? I have in the past. No, they aren’t. Heartbreaking, I know.

92. Any kinks you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t? Maybe. That’s for me and him to know, and you to never find out.

93. How should someone who is interested in sleeping with you approach the topic? I’m off the market, pal, sorry to break it to you.

94. What are your absolute no-nos in bed? I’d prefer not to have my cock slapped. Don’t drink my blood. 

95. How do you feel about quickies? I feel just fine, how do you feel?

96. Have you ever tried roleplay in bed? Would you? I have, I would again if someone wanted to try it.

97. Describe the best orgasm you’ve ever had. What were you doing? Alone or with someone else? What made it so good? It was last week, and it wasn’t alone, and it was awesome.

98. Have you ever filmed yourself while masturbating or having sex? Not yet.

99. Lights on or lights off? I’m down for whatever.

100. What would you like to do more of in bed? At this point, whatever my partner wants to try, I’m all over it and all up in it.