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#and I think she takes me doing it for granted now
sturniolowhore · 3 days
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Paris Love
pairing: dom!carrington x sub!reader
Summary: You go to visit a friend in Paris and go to a party with her, just to find someone new.
Warnings: SMUT, alcohol usage, p in v, unprotected sex, and more.
a/n: I thought of this while in class so I know it might be a bit messy but enjoy! Also I don't want anyone to copy or use my writing for "inspiration".
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As soon as your get off your plane, you see your friend waiting for you. You run over to her and hug her.
"Omg, it's been so long. Thank god you're here!" Your friend said excitedly. You and her have been best friends since your two learned to talk. You told each other everything, until she moved to paris.
"I know! I'm really happy to be here!" You say back to her. She grabs your suitcase and you two start to walk towards the doors. You both uber back to her place, and get settled in the spare room.
She knocks on your door a couple of hours later, letting your get used to the room and her place.
"Hey!" she says walking into the room, "There's a party across the street, wanna go?"
You think about it for a minute. "Why not?" You say, a smile forming on your face.
"Good! Do you know what your going to wear?" she asked.
"Actually, no. I don't really have anything to wear party-wise." you say. It was true. You didn't think you wear going to go to a party in paris, so you didn't bring anything.
"Oh. I could lend you a dress if you'd like?" She asked.
"Um, sure." You accept.
An hour or two later, you two are about to head out the door, to walk across the street to the party. One last check in the mirror and your good. Your friend lent your a black strapless dress, that just barely covers your ass. She also lent you a pair of 5 inch red bottoms. Your hair was down, and your makeup was done. You had a little black bag, that had your phone, lip gloss, and your credit card. You make your way across the street laughing and talking with your friend.
You make your way up to the door, and push it open. As soon as you enter, you see a brown, curly haired boy, holding a drink in his hand ad talking with a blonde girl, who looked really familiar. He was wearing a black hoodie and jeans. He also wore a chain, that hung from his neck.
"Oooh, looks like someone has a crush." Your friend says.
"I do not!" you shoot back getting a bit defensive.
"You get defensive every time I figure out one of your secrets." Your friend says, giving you a knowing look. It was true. Every time your friend figures something out that you haven't told her, you get a bit defensive. "You should talk to him!" Your friend suggests.
"No way in hell am I ever going to-" You were cut off with your friend pushing you towards him. You bump into him, spilling his drink all over you and him.
"Oh! I am so sorry! My stupid fucking friend pushed me." You say looking up at him.
He chuckles. "No, your good. It wasn't your fault."
"Lemme grab a towel. Um, do you know were the bathrooms are?" you ask him.
He grabs your hand and leads you to the bathroom. He locks the door, and takes off his hoodie. He wasn't wearing anything underneath, so his abs were on full display.
You look down. "Woah.." You say lowly, but just loud enough for him to hear.
"Like what you see?" he says, getting closer.
You look back up at him. "Yeah."
He chuckles lowly. "The drink got all over you too." he leans down and whispers in your ear. "Let's take this off ya, yeah?" he says while pulling the dress over your head.
He stares at your body, taking in how your breasts jump out, since you weren't wearing a bra. You were, however, wearing a black lace thong.
"Wow.." he smiles, "Your so beautiful." He's now inches away from your face. He pulls you in for a kiss, his tongue begging to enter you mouth. You grant him access, and his mouth explores your mouth. He pulls away and starts tracing your jaw with his tongue. He then starts to kiss and nip at your neck.
He pulls away and starts to take off his jeans and boxers. You take off your panties, and he pushes you against the wall. He scoops you up, his hands under your ass, and he pulls your legs around his waist.
He starts to slip into you, and he lets out a groan. "Damn, your tight." He starts to thrust in and out of you. You throw your head back, lost in the pleasure. His thrusts start to get faster. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, and your back starts to arch slightly. You let out moans and pornagraphic sounds.
"cl..close.." You manage to get out.
"Me too, baby." he says, his thrusts starting to get sloppy.
You let out a loud moan as you feel the knot that was forming, snaps. A white ring forms at the base of his cock, as you let go. He groans as he feels you come, thrusting into you a bit more, finally coming inside you.
He pulls out gently, watching as his come drips out of you.
"Hey, I never got your name." You say as soon as you come down from your high.
"Its Carrington." He says with a smile, and puts you down. "I'll get your name when I see you again." He says while putting his clothes back on and winking at you before leaving the bathroom.
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a/n 2: This was a bit long and a bit rushed cs I wanted to get this fic out today, but I hope you enjoyed!
🏷️: @owensbabygirl
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elysiumcalled · 2 years
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long stupid rant below feel free to scroll on 🤣
I think my mum is getting annoyed at me making a few comments about her being messy and lazy lmao but every time I try to civilly bring up how it‘s not fair that I’m constantly cleaning up after (I get very unnecessarily angry about it sometimes lol) but she tells me off for moaning about her 😃 Like excuse me I am very quiet about how annoyed I get and I hate that it makes me mad at her for something so petty but it’s been going on for ages now 😭 I think ever since I’ve worked from home (I literally still work at home every day) it drives me insane to have it be too messy (and DIRTY) but mum is only at home 2/5 days do I don’t think it bothers her as much lol
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hanzajesthanza · 1 year
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“what does geralt get from that friendship…”
another post examining the weight of geralt and dandelion’s friendship… because i don’t think people recognize how painful and debilitating loneliness can become.
the witcher as a deconstruction of the genre takes fantasy tropes to their most logical ends—it asks us to consider what The Lone Swordsman feels, looks into the humanity in a Cold-Blooded Killer. and it turns out he’s not cold-blooded at all.
that despite some superhuman abilities, he laments and worries and curses himself, just like any other worker of any other profession. just as the farmer is scorched by the sun, the washerwoman’s back aches, and the scholar goes half-blind studying, a witcher deals with all of the pains and annoyances and dangers of his job in a mundanely human way.
but the farmer, the washerwoman, and the scholar have something the witcher does not have—they’ll always be seen as human and part of their society. at the end of the day after enduring all of their labor, they have their wife to caress, festivities to attend, and taverns to frequent. but for a witcher? after the killing is over, what does he have? no one and nothing. not even a thank you. he is met with fear and hatred everywhere he goes, baseless bigotry and dislike.
I did my job. I quickly learned how. I’d ride up to village enclosures or town pickets and wait. If they spat, cursed and threw stones, I rode away. If someone came out to give me a commission, I’d carry it out.
so he faces not just loneliness, but being deliberately ostracized and cast out from society. geralt can’t even find a polite word in most settlements, much less a friend.
‘(…) Tell me, where should I go? And for what? At least here some people have gathered with whom I have something to talk about. People who don’t break off their conversations when I approach. People who, though they may not like me, say it to my face, and don’t throw stones from behind a fence. (…)’
this kind of loneliness is not a mere inconvenience. it’s completely altering to your self-perception and ability to see the positive in the world.
each day is not lived, but endured.
day in, and day out—forced to the most difficult and lowest labor in order to survive, and knowing that were you to die, no one would search for your body, few would miss you, hell, they might even spit “good riddance”.
in this situation, to find a friend, is not only friendship, but a rescue.
without dandelion, geralt may have drowned—drowned in solitude, amidst a sea of strangeness.
‘(…) And I’m alone, completely alone, endlessly alone among the strange and hostile elements. Solitude amid a sea of strangeness. Don’t you dream of that?’
No, I don’t, he thought. I have it every day.
because dandelion is not only a bright soul, characteristic rippling laughter and the strum of a lute, but someone who will intently listen to geralt, someone who mutually enjoys his company.
‘(…) you almost jumped out of your pants with joy to have a companion. Until then, you only had your horse for company.’
someone who doesn’t see him as strange and at the fringes of society at all, but as an utterly normal man.
and doesn’t impose demeaning, sappy sympathy onto him, but sobering and realistic “quit your bullshit” which ridicules the very thought that he should internalize societal hatred.
Do you know what your problem is, Geralt? You think you’re different. (…) [You don’t understand that] for people who think clear-headedly you’re the most normal man under the sun, and they all wish that everybody was so normal. What of it that you have quicker reflexes than most and vertical pupils in sunlight? That you can see in the dark like a cat? That you know a few spells? Big deal.
dandelion isn’t “willing” to accept geralt for himself—he already has accepted him. and to him, it’s no difficulty, it’s nothing worth discussing, because he sees no abnormality and no strangeness in him.
while others “prefer the company of lepers to witchers,” dandelion has already offered geralt to share his room and board. not out of sympathetic pity, not out of fetishizing curiosity. because… they’re friends.
and what else does this friendship save him from?
not only from others, but from himself.
worse than enduring others’ apathy and hatred is one’s own thoughts—the darkness and negativity which builds from witnessing and experiencing such behavior.
dandelion’s ability to counter and dispel geralt’s pessimism and self-flagellating tendencies—again, not out of pity, but out of friendship—is undeniably invaluable. someone to rescue you from your darkest thoughts, when you begin to spiral.
and in this darkness, all you can do is cry. you cry, beg for someone to help you, please—
Help! Why doesn't anyone help me? Alone, weak, helpless – I can't move, can't force a sound from my constricted throat. Why does no one come to help me? I'm terrified!
to be alone, the saga reminds us, is worse than a death sentence. to be alone is to “perish; stabbed, beaten or kicked to death, defiled, like a toy passed from hand to hand.” to be alone is to suffer, and to be with someone is to save them from that suffering.
'(…) I wouldn't like anything bad to happen to you. I like you too much, owe you too much-'
'You've said that already. What do you owe me, Yennefer?'
The sorceress turned her head away, did not say anything for a while.
'You travelled with him,' she said finally. 'Thanks to you he was not alone. You were a friend to him. You were with him.'
it is true that geralt has saved dandelion countless times, helped him, gotten him out of some scrape… but to ask what did geralt get in return? are you kidding me?
did you ever consider that it is dandelion who saved geralt?
by being with him. by being by his side. by being his friend.
indeed, dandelion has rescued geralt, countless times, from the yawning jaws of endless loneliness. he’s helped him, chased away the danger of geralt’s own rumination. and he’s gotten him out of scrapes, his own insecurities and bitter helplessness.
so what does dandelion give geralt? what does geralt get from their friendship?
an amusing question. what one gets from friendship is the friendship itself. and that is more than enough.
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hella1975 · 10 months
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ive never felt more rural than i have in the past few weeks since hanging out with a lad who has only ever lived in cities. what do you MEAN YOU'VE NEVER DONE A MORRIS DANCE
#he didn't even know what morris dancers WERE i said some shit like 'you know it's summer when the morris dancers come out'#and he was like 'the what now' I FEEL LIKE IM GOING CRAZY. HE'S FUCKING WITH ME SURELY#AND THIS HAPPENS SO OFTEN ABOUT THINGS I JUST ASSUMED WERE BASICS#'harvest festival 🤨' PARDON. YOU ARE JOKING#and also the CONCEPT of a village is baffling to him. i said there's probably about 100 people in my entire village#and we don't have a pub or a single shop the closest ones are in the NEXT village over which is a 3 mile walk#and this boy was HORRIFIED. we are both in a constant state of thinking the other is taking the piss#and now every time i think/do something abundantly rural im SO self-aware 😭#my mum told me the farmers are gonna do a xmas tractor run through our village this year#(they usually miss our village bc even by village standards it's tiny)#and she was like 'shame you'll miss it! i'll send you a video!' and im there already picturing this boy's face when i show it him#like sigh. yeah. yeah okay maybe the rural england is ingrained deeper than i feared. never escaping the allegations etc#had a conversation with him the other day that concluded with me 100% genuinely being like 'you need to touch grass'#i literally said 'i think it would fix you. like actually go and touch some grass what the fuck'#bc at this point he's so far removed from nature that it's INSANE TO ME. i didnt realise how much i took growing up rurally for granted#THESE PEOPLE DONT EVEN GET DRUNK IN FIELDS. THEY HAVE NO FIELDS. I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO HIM WHAT A CAMP OUT WAS
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abluehappyface · 3 months
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It's been a while since I've been growled at...
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islenskihesturinn · 6 months
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This is a picture from half a year ago, but it occurred to me yesterday while I was keeping Lilja’s head in place during her second treatment that these animals really have to trust us a hecking lot to just let us do these things to them.
She’s been drugged to stay calm and feel a bit less as her teeth get filed down from being like a staircase to nearly straight (it was bad, now it’s almost good). Machines that make loud noises and vibrate get put in her mouth and there’s weird smelling dust everywhere. Meanwhile her human is gently patting her hair and praising her for staying put, and half an hour later she’s back with Fjara and eating hay like nothing happened.
Same goes for the other 3 (namely Týra, Solita and Ieniemini), who just come walking up to you after all that, asking for a treat (and a brush bc it’s shedding season and they’re all itchy ladies).
I don’t really think about it often, but sometimes it’ll hit me how much they trust that we have their best interests at heart and they know this in their own way.
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digitaldiseas3 · 2 months
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extremely frustrating situation
#overly long winded explanation incoming#so i’m gonna be living with two friends starting this fall#my parents bought a little townhouse and we’re renting from them#so they’re getting all of the paperwork and contracts and leases figured out#and these two friends are just. awful with deadlines. horrific. just the worst.#my dad has been flexible but he’s had to keep nagging them again and again to get these forms signed and whatever#and one of them finally finished the whole process and she’s good to go#but the other one still just needs to get the lease signed/notarized with their dad. like. asap. like within a few days.#and i’m trying my best to be like heyyyy sorryyyy not trying to nag or anything but we do need that ASAP…. it should be quick and easy…#i know you’re working double shifts every single day and your dog just died im so sorry#but my parents say you should be able to just go to the bank during a lunch break to get it notarized…..#please don’t be mad at me or my parents for saying we need this Now…… i’m sorry i know you have a lot going on but we do Need that done#right away….#anyway i don’t want you to be mad at me or think i’m just nagging so here’s a topic change! oh you didn’t respond to the topic change.#fuck me then. god. i can’t tell if you’re mad at me or not but i have the suspicion you Are. and that’s making Me mad at You#like god man just come the fuck on already you’ve missed every other deadline up to this point too. can you please just FUCKING get#everything submitted so we can stop worrying about it and just get excited to live together!! because it’s gonna be fun!!#but it’s worrying me too bc like… if this is how they’re acting before we’re even living together#and they’re missing all of these deadlines#am i gonna have to nag them to pay their rent every month?#it’s just frustrating bc it feels like they’re taking advantage of the fact that it’s my parents and not some other landlord#so they don’t think the deadlines my parents set are like. actual deadlines#meanwhile if it WASNT my parents they’d literally be out of a place to live because the housing market is so fucked there#and if you don’t get everything submitted within The Day then you’re no longer a candidate to rent the place#if you can even get to that point in the first place#so like. my parents are being exceptionally flexible and obv i can’t really know what this friend’s thought process is#but it feels like they’re just kinda taking them for granted and taking advantage of their kindness#like fuck dude just please come on
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lisbonsteresa · 1 year
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oh it's horrible; i love it
#tm#this is SO#because from lisbon's point of view this is....let's say strange i guess#nothing's really changed for her? yes she has (they have but he's not thinking like that right now) this dangerous risky job#but she always has; there's always been 'a new train every day' and they've dealt with them all; they'll deal with this one too#so yes of course she wants to try and reassure him but it's not as major to her as it is to him#*and also she's been very patient and understanding and hasn't put any expectations or pressure on their future#(i'm sure she HAS thoughts on it obviously but she's been the one reminding him to take things as they come#'right here it's good. it's very very good.')#meanwhile jane is.....for so long jane wasn't sure if he'd HAVE a future; he wasn't sure if he'd deserve one#and then blue bird and everything that came after it and it's been wonderful and he's been trying to take it one day at a time#but it's like once he let himself imagine a future for them; for himself he was immediately hit by the full reality of how tenuous it is#he's always known they have dangerous jobs but knowing that in a pre and post blue bird world are two very different things#now he has this; he has them; and he also knows that every time they get a phone call from abbott#there's a chance he might lose the most important person in the world to him just after learning he's the most important person to her#just after they finally started something together and then what he does later this ep it's just#once you get what you wanted most what would you do to protect it (because what kind of future would he have without her)#(and then failing that (in a few episodes) what would you do to grant yourself some semblance of peace of mind?)#but this kills me because he delivers the line in a kind of teasing way? he does not let on how nervous he really is#(or what he might be starting to plan) 'i made the decision not to tell you because i was worried that it would come between us' LIKE#he tried broaching the subject before (albeit not in a way that she could very easily understand) and it went nowhere#'are we really gonna work for the fbi for the rest of our lives?' 'it's who i am jane' 'i know'#he's terrified of what might happen but he's also terrified to bring it up because what if that drives a wedge in their relationship#what if he ruins it himself without any outside issue being to blame is that a self fulfilling prophecy back to the fear that kept him from#telling her how he felt during s6#so instead he holds back just how much he's spiraling until....and then he just CAN'T anymore and he has to get away#(and then lisbon's almost blindsided because yes she knew he was worried but THIS worried? to the point he won't even hear her arguments?)#GOD it's so so good it's the wooooorst i'm eating it up
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dont-offend-the-bees · 7 months
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We need better fucking care infrastructure. I should not be trusted with anyone's care ever 💛
#thing is caring for myself? I'm not GREAT at it but i can scrape by#i know my limits i know how much or little i need to survive i know that i can usually more or less bounce back after a tough time#i think if my life fell out from under me i could probably scrape it back even if i wound up doing a lot of couch surfing in the meantime#i genuinely don't know how I'll survive if i have to be fucking sole carer for someone#dad's on his way back now and he's been prescribed antibiotics and hopefully that's that#but at least a couple of times a year there's some shit like this#an awful cough or an infection or a fucking insane choice to like do some diy on the outside of the house standing on the windowsill#he fucking nearly chokes on his food once or twice a week#maybe he's just one of those cockroach type motherfuckers who'll never die no matter how the universe steps on him#but I'm fucking PISSED that he's taking that for granted and won't even sit and fucking talk to me about what happens when his luck runs out#I've been looking after mum alone for what four hours today and I'm already so tired and frustrated i wanna die#i am. a deeply impatient and unsociable creature.#i can be infinitely patient with friends! those are my fave people i chose to have them in my life I'd wait like a fucking mountain for them#mum and i were.... already sort of At Odds before all this started.#i'm the kid she never 100% really wanted and who never really 100% wanted to be here#and now we're stuck together and one day possibly sooner than any of us want it will be. just the two of us.#and i just. i don't know what that looks like. i really don't.#anyway. mental breakdown over hopefullly.#with a bit of luck dad and i actually fucking TALK before the next one#idk man. i never really knew what i wanted to do with my life but i thought I'd have time to figure it out#but maybe I'm just. the unqualified burnout with covid memory damage and a whole ass other human to care for#the exact thing i set out to avoid when i decided never to have kids#anyway. enough oversharing.#thank you anyone who's read my spiralling tag rambles in solidarity i love you#mr. bees speaks
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steelycunt · 2 years
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aus where r/s have a kid are a little strange to me sorry. because well s okay i sort of get it but r? what about that man makes you think he would a) want a child b) be a good father to one. be real
#when i say aus i also mean the child she made him father in the canon material. which never shouldve happened#teddy lupin means nothing to me. those are just words. there is no residual fondness left over from my affection for his father#sorry but even if they got married. i dont think theyre having kids. that seems like such a strange next move for them i cannot imagine the#wanting that#r endangered every child in hogwarts incuding his dead best friends son so as not to damage his reputation with the big boss. and now you#have to understand i dont see that as any sort of crime because i dont give a shit about any of those kids if it was up to me#he wouldve eaten harry when he got the chance. but the principle of it does not scream to me 'man who should have a child :-('#as much as i HATE to acknowledge the existence of hjp. he was kid enough for s i think and i grant you he was a good parental figure to him#but like. for him and his loser boyfriend to go out of their way to have a child. feels unlikely ill level with you. but this might all jus#be my disinterest in kidfic showing. i think im right though#like its one thing to take h in as the orphan son of ur dead friend in canon. but like in aus...hm.#its the same as i feel about them proposing to each other. said it b4 but i cannot imagine either of them planning some big heavily#orchestrated candles and roses down on one knee proposal. that is not them its just not. if they DO get married its because they are#brushing their teeth together and one of them goes we should get married and the other one goes what? and the first one says we should#get married again and the other one goes take your toothbrush out of your mouth i cant understand what youre saying like that. and the#first one takes their toothbrush out and repeats i SAID we should get MARRIED and the other one goes oh okay. if you'd like#anyway. this post got away from me no one is reading these tags are they jeez#r/s
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yuukei-yikes · 1 year
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haruka watches takane eat like a dog begging because he knows she will leave at least half its food. sorry i wrote a longer post in the tags.
#but im also attached to the idea after getting her body back takane indulges in food a lot more#i think generally she's just so glad to have it back she stops taking it for granted and is like oh my god EATING#but it goes both ways same with sensory issues#takane is extremely touch/eating/sleeping averse#but suddenly gets this rush and is like i need to binge eat and hold hands NOOOOOOW#<- haruka's match made in heaven moments but he's smart enough to see takane's like overindulging and is like Ok. let's take a break💗#takane gets so overwhelmed both negatively and positively like#omg im real!?!?!? AUGGHH to OMG IM REAL YIPPEEEEE!!!!!!#also working on not taking cover as ene bc at first she did and accidently drove itself craz#so shes like trying to work through it WITHOUT having to resort getting out of her body bc no problems are gonna get solved that way#haruka helping her through it all AUUUHCGGH#i have this very particular hc cuddling its basically therapy ok. because its all touchy and it helps her.#as much as it sometimes pains her so it can be both negative and positive#haruka is like :3 but if takane is squirming all uncomfortable he's like do we HAVE to do this youre NOT enjoying it at all and she's like#EUGH DONT TALK I CAN FEEL YOU BREATHING AGAINST ME ITS DISGUSTING#and haruka's like man when you scheduled to cuddle 1 hour a day i wasnt imagining this💔💔💔#BUT WHATEVER HE WANTS TO HELP SO HE HELPS💗 he just doesnt want her to be all uncomfortable but takane understands she needs it#BECAUSE SHE CAN ALSO LOVE IT IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW SHE'S DOING THAT PARTICULAR DAY#and as time goes on its more and more that she enjoys it and tells haruka he can now touch her without having to ask first:3#i think at first its exclusively takane who begins any sort of physical contact not bc haruka is shy#but bc he doesnt wanna put her in a weird situation if she doesn't wanna be touched he probably only dares to like hold her hand. ñ#which is her sleeve. bc she covers their hands. lol#BUT TAKANE RLY COMES THRU i think they rly talk abt all this and she rly comes to him like hi. u can touch me without asking if u want.#and haruka's like ?? U MEAN I CAN KISS U WITHOUT ASKING??? AND TAKANES LIKE YEAH!!!and haruka's like OH MY GOD!!!!!!!#hey. sorry for being insane. i have very particular headcanons that i need to share i NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND ME#did anyone read all these damn tags#god idk why i dont write this as the post itself but then i cant go and copy the tags. what a nightmare#kagevinnie#headcanons
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rimouskis · 1 year
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okay I've decided against pursuing any sort of diagnosis re: my growing suspicions I have ADHD/something of that ilk for a variety of reasons, but it will NEVER stop galling me how I lack object permanence. like a baby. I need to have clear storage containers because if I cannot see something I forget it exists. it's both a relief to know that there is a potential "explanation" for such behavior but also realizing that most other people can do convenient things (like: remembering the existence of stuff) is also FRUSTRATINGGGG because I wish that was me! imagine being able to remember things not only casually but well! imagine that! god!
#it's also frustrating because it can bleed into interpersonal relationships and depending on people's friendship styles it can have a...#large impact. like back in high school my best friend would regularly be hurt by me not remembering things#(ranging from stories she'd tell me to stories I'd already told her to people's names to pieces of information I'd been made aware of)#and I took it personally at that age and sort of took it as:#''I am an inherently selfish person who can't remember things about other people and I am Bad''#and while that friendship grew apart and she sort of resigned herself (eventually) to me being the way that I was#I guess I never really let go of my guilt around it... and even now I still feel Very Bad about not remembering things#and I've often thought to myself of how I could mitigate it to be a better friend#but I short of ''keeping notes on your friends and the stories they tell you which you will need to reference often''#I've not had much luck in cracking that#I feel like as I've grown older I've found friends who (for whatever reason) don't take my ''poor memory'' personally#[and hilariously I've seemed to befriend people with FREAKISHLY GOOD memories who more than make up for my own]#and that's been... a bit better because it's been many years since I've had a friend make me feel bad for not remembering something#and in fact I have friends now who HAVE diagnosed ADHD who (obviously) Get It#but back of my head I still think that I do the people around me a disservice by not frequently/accurately committing things to memory#I think it makes me a worse friend and a worse employee for that matter#and I do in fact wish there was a magic pill that would grant me that ability and that ability only. it feels like it would change my LIFE.#anyways this tag essay is brought to you by:#me looking for my concert earplugs (which I have never used despite buying them FOR three concerts I went to last year since I kept...#say it with me... forgetting about them the day of the concert!) and finding a stash of two different battery types I had no idea I owned#anyways. earplugs are going into my car so I will have them on me#and batteries have been moved to the clear container in my closet with the other batteries. sigh.
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Thought about Damian and Dick's dynamic for too long and now I need to level a city block
#ramblings of a lunatic#yes I'm still having comics brainrot just lesser now (after 1 (one) issue of a comic I didn't like lmao)#I'm specifically thinking about. is it issue 6?? of the joshua williamson robin run with damian#and the bit where dick gives him a special escrima stick Alfred made for him with ''against the world'' carved into it#and how he purposely lets damian escape and does the whole fake ''ohh nooo he's escaping someone come help *wink* routine''#I'm gonna combust!!!!#you could fix batman comics (/j) to me by just splitting the fam up a bit#you have two batgirls and two robins rn right?#well send damian and steph to bludhaven where they can team up with dick (ala the grant morrison run but dick is still Nightwing)#and then let cass and tim be bruce's supporting cast!!! less juggling to do and allows for more in-depth exploration of specific dynamics#also solves the issue of damian complimenting dick excellently but not having the same base-level rapport with bruce#just have damian finally conclude that he doesn't want to be batman and that him as robin doesn't work when he's with bruce#something about the idea that robin takes care of batman as much batman takes care of robin and that's not really bruce and damians dynamic#and as for Steph in bludhaven- she's colleged aged now! let her go to college in bludhaven#let her have the fun balancing act adventures from her solo series and again tackle her feelings of being an outsider#(also re-establish her and damians friendship. i miss them </3)#where's jason you ask? in space
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ouellette · 2 months
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i feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me and every day i pray that its just the underdeveloped prefrontal cortex and not more mental illness that will continue to prevent me from forming meaningful relationships with people as i grow older and more alone
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ko-eko-ev-go-ms · 7 months
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Smth I think about sometimes is how like, I do so much stuff to overcompensate my struggles with various things, but generally I don’t acknowledge that I’m doing outside things to overcompensate or if I do I don’t get into specifics.
And then because of that like even if I tell people I’m struggling with x thing they just won’t believe me sometimes coz they didn’t see/listen to me doing work on my own time.
Even if I’m already underperforming they won’t understand how much effort it was taking JUST TO UNDERPERFORM.
But then if I make any progress or aren’t the literal worst it’s all swept under the rug as if it’s easy for me and I just wasn’t working hard enough the whole time or something?
#thoughts#oni talks#oni vents#It weirds me out how much people will just refuse to take your word for things when it comes to having a hard time sometimes?#especially if they are someone you haven’t seen in a while like why do y’all automatically assume I’m not being serious?#I think the main times it’s frustrating is if it’s something I’ve been struggling with for a while and I have been trying to get help for it#but bc that help hasn’t been received I have been trying to deal with *insert thing* on my own (and failing) hence the asking for help#but ppl will just?? act like I never asked for help even when I do? or act as if I seemed like I didn’t need help even when I complain?#forever thinking about this one comment from a certain family member where she said “you didn’t seem like you needed/were asking for help#meanwhile me growing up struggling constantly & while I tried not to ask for help usually as a kid for obvious reasons#there were 10000% times where I would ask for help & be given absolutely nothing or I’d try to do something to help myself & be shamed#but I still never understood the concept of “you didn’t seem like you needed help” coz like?? I was obviously struggling?? even when I didnt#ask for help I was never doing particularly well? like I was actively failing out of things repeatedly but somehow I seemed fine???#I also hate how much of my effort is internal or unobservable so even I’m trying really hard it’ll look like I’m not doing anything#but idk it just frustrates me sometimes coz I’ll be struggling or complaining & ppl will be like oh it’s easy you’re fine like??#but then if I don’t ask for help and fail I get in trouble but if I do ask for help I also get in trouble it’s so irritating#granted stuff is generally a lot better now (though I still need to do more)#but idk there’s just a couple areas of knowledge where I get genuinely irritated if I’m not listened to#often it’s like that meme of I know more than you like the Ron Swanson one#but other times it’s like… did you even listen at all??#even when I’m trying to relax it’s often calculated (which tends to make it harder lol)#in terms of overcompensating it’s like sometimes it’s rough bc I know if I DO manage a decent job it’ll be even higher expectations#idk sometimes it’s frustrating when people just assume I’m not trying when I am? i definitely could try harder but also willpower is limited#& I don’t wanna burn myself out coz then I’m gonna get further behind#it’s a wonder how much ppl take for granted their perceptions of you when they aren’t even paying close attention to you#or like?? yall could just ask me?? it’s wild like i feel like i gotta pre emptively explain myself sometimes
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inkskinned · 9 months
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i love finding out how big this world is. my girlfriend has only visited boston a handful of times, but i grew up here. i told her we'd be going to do the tourist traps in salem, and she said - which salem?
to be fair to her, there are a lot of other states that have a town named "salem." and i think there's some evidence that the witch trials actually happened in what is now called Danvers. but the thing is - she thought "salem" was like, a made-up thing. there wasn't actually a salem, massachusetts - like there isn't a gotham city.
they don't talk about it that much where she grew up, is the thing! and this made me laugh. a week ago she was talking about her hometown and said something akin to "well the museum's kinda like the one in richmond," and i had to explain i still had no frame of reference for what the hell this museum was like.
i love finding out what knowledge i take for granted. i used to live with 5 other women. 3 of them were from south korea. they had to take, like, a solid fifteen minutes to explain their birthday system to my gay math-blind ass, laughing as they did.
that same month, our roommate from denmark taught me the danish word for wreath by accident - she'd been talking about decorations, used krans, and i'd been able to figure it out through context. i just picked it up and kept talking. our entire house used krans as the word. she came home and slammed the door one evening, mock-angry, shouting: you motherfuckers! it's a - a wreath!
and how often do you use certain words, anyway! i am cuban, so i was raised with certain spanish words sort of sprinkled in there; but never how you'd think. in middle school i asked someone to pass me the recogedor - in a completely american accent, like i was speaking english. i hadn't registered it as a spanish word. i mean, how often in school do you actually use the word "dustpan" - i'd only ever heard it in the context of cleaning my house.
there are places that you grew up that you, just, like, know. that you assume everyone knows. there are things and people and "common knowledge" that you have that, just, like. doesn't exist for me. i don't know what you call your public transportation system, but in boston we call it "the T". our train cards are called charlie cards because of a song where a father accidentally abandons his family, which was written because our system of transportation. in boston, most people would snort and say everyone knows that, kid.
i think you and i should go on a long walk - it's getting dark early these days and we need any sun we can manage. tell me about the first time you saw snow. tell me about the stuff everyone knows about your home. tell me about the cities "everyone's been to," about the food "everyone's already tried." who knows. maybe it will feel nice to you - watching someone learn about it for the very first time.
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