#i literally dont know what i will do after tomorrow | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sadstrever · 2 days

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i’m still 114lbs. i feel sick. yesterday was an awful day, i came home and had an out of body chew and spit session. i wish there was more research on this part of ed’s, or just more people who talked about it because i can’t be alone in this. i refuse to believe i’m the only sick person who does disgusting shit like this. anyways the reason why i call it an out of body experience is because it’s almost like binging-just without all the swallowing of food. i came home and immediately started doing it and filled up 1 and 1/2 2 liter bottles with food. i spent 5 hours doing this without even realizing and pretty much emptied out my whole families fridge. the guilt i felt afterwards was worse than a binge in my opinion. not only did i totally waste SO MUCH food, make a huge mess, ended up with disgusting bottles of mush in my room, i also have to face the consequences of my family coming home to an empty fridge. but when they got home they were happy that i “ate.” god i’m such a fucking piece of shit.

anyways after all that i took 4 laxatives to try and get the guilt of wasting the food out of me. i woke up in the morning today in terrible pain but still had to go to class, cuz what am i supposed to tell my parents? “yeah i haven’t eaten in almost a month and basically just threw all the food we have out in the trash and i also took 4 laxatives, can i please stay home tehe?” so i went to 1 class and ended up leaving because the pain was so excruciating. straight from class i went to the gym and somehow burnt 900 calories because i guess that’s what guilt does to me. i had to take the bus 2 hours home afterwards(bus delays and i went to a new further gym location this time), high out of my mind. i’m home now and my stomach hurts but the laxatives finally did their job. i don’t want to keep doing this. 4 years ago i said i’d recover and then i didn’t. since then i’ve forgotten about recovery (with the exception of a few random moments here and there that i block out immediately), i am so used to living in this fucking misery that i didn’t realize how abnormal my reality is. i don’t want to be a bad person anymore. but i can’t stop lol.

this is what bothers me about the girls who romanticize this disorder SO MUCH, when much of the time they haven’t realized how difficult it can become. i know i’ve done this, even now sometimes as a coping mechanism. but man, i’m sick of it.

i have a friend who writes poetry and she wrote a poem about eating disorders that make me so fucking angry. the thing is, i’ve known her for years and she’s always had the best relationship with food out of most of the people i know. she’s naturally pretty thin(not too thin but normal) and she’s very open about her struggles. i know every single one of her stories, i know she’s diagnosed with adhd. that’s HER disorder, that i don’t understand so i DONT write fucking POETRY about it. a few months ago she kind of forced me into opening up about my eating disorder. after i did, suddenly she started writing these stories about her eating disorder-very very very suspiciously similar to mine. i obviously didn’t tell her everything but i told her about how long this has been going on and just my emotions about it. seeing her start to adapt my fucking disorder into her poetry disgusted me. she glamorized the fuck out of it and made me feel so stupid for ever opening up about it. she’s naturally skinny so she got a bunch of support from our friend group from it and i’m just upset man. i’m sick of living in misery while other people can use the idea of living in pain for attention.

i promised my best friend that in 3 weeks i’ll go back to therapy and try my best to recover. it’s not true. man it’s never fucking true. it’s never fucking over. unlike ms.deep-poetry-girl i can’t just fucking write this and log off and then eat a good warm meal and talk to my parents without them mentioning my body. i can’t wake up tomorrow morning and hug them without worrying that they’re gonna feel my bones. i can’t wear shorts anymore without people noticing the bruises. i can’t go to school and keep my focus because i have nothing to feed my brain. i can’t let anyone get close because soon enough they’ll be just like YOU. OR they’ll hate me for not wanting to get better. i can’t love myself like you do because of the disgusting things i do each day. i can’t wake up thinner and suddenly stop hating myself. FUCK YOUUUUUUUU GOD IM SO SICK OF IT GOD. whatever im done. just sick and tired.

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sorointerrobang · 4 months

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some bad kids i drew while binging dimension 20

#i literally dont know what i will do after tomorrow #ive been watching it nonstop for like 3 months #anyways i hope my designs are cool #fhjy #fantasy high junior year #fantasy high #dimension 20 #d20 #fig faeth #gorgug thistlespring #fabian seacaster #adaine abernant #kristen applebees #riz gukgak

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grey-has-rusted · 6 months

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^me when i am a sensitive person

#ramblings #i hate feeling lonely #it literally hurts my heart #i have such a hard time forming connections both irl and online #idk how many times ive cried just this past month bc i felt lonely #and even when i am included in things im always an after thought #its been months but im still thinking about stupid christmas #i know the whole point isn't to get gifts #but i got one present. while i spent hundreds of dollars getting my family gifts #they even asked me what i wanted too #helped my cousin decorate for her christmas party and last minute i found out it was a secret santa #i got invited but was the only one not included in that #so yeah....#i dont have anyone to celebrate holidays with #my birthday was sad #i cried then too #not looking forward to tomorrow either #and i try to make friends and talk to people #but i feel as though i always initiate #and nobody seems interested in talking to me #which... i dont expect everyone to like me #but it really does hurt and it makes wonder what's wrong with me #also why cant my brain focus on something else #like doing something productive #its been ages since ive drawn anything #ive just been sad. that's the whole post.#bye now

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ambersky0319 · 2 months

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New Employee aquired today

My manager: Hey Grace maybe you can show NE some things, but don't overwhelm her

Me:

Me: so like. make sure it's not a repeat of my first day???

#like maam ive worked here for barely a month you know this #and my first ever shift was 8 hours and CLOSING #i did a lil bit of everything my first day why do you think im so adaptable to what you need now???#anyways i had NE help shred chicken cause we needed more and then i couldnt even use it bc we were out of the salad kit 🙃#today twas a long day #i was supposed to do subs but literally worked on salads all day cause we were so short staffed #a coworker who YESTERDAY asked for a shift today never showed up. our manager had to open and was barely through salads when i got there #(3 hours after open)#me and manager tackled customer service and did as many tasks as we could (specifically distress and make salads)#(i learned how to do temps)#morning cook stayed late WITHOUT TAKING A BREAK to bring back some stuff we needed #closing cook got sick and left when me and NE did leaving i assume 2 store managers (maybe just 1) and one coworker to close #we so short staffed they had a job fair JUST FOR OUR DEPARTMENT.#anywho #ive also been up technically since 1-2am. i got extra 1 hour between then and 5:30am before i had to get up. i went to bed at 9pm #so. ive been tired all day but since i dont have work tomorrow im gonna stay up late and chill #amber's shit you can ignore

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perilegs · 4 months

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i'm going to my cousin's bday party tomorrow which is fun and great except that my mom is also going to be there. we don't talk. she literally skipped my other cousin's graduation party just bc i was there.

#for context shes a huge transphobe who wants nothing to do with me and thinks im soiling her good name just by existing #so. im not v excited about that.#but it's something i can handle and i have support around me!#what i however cannot handle are regular mom things. ive gained a lot of weight since i last saw her and #i cannot handle it if she comments on it im so stressed out about it bc she knows just what to say to hurt me #i got chubby after starting t and i think it suits me. especially if i start hitting the gym or something so i'll also have some strength #like im not looking to lose weight im looking to have a dad bod by my 30s #with my soft round features and curly hair i already look like a hobbit so i just need to get a little bit of muscle to complete the look #bc those bitches work outside i know how theyre built #i however cannot achieve that with just my office job so yknow #im mostly just saying this to motivate myself to excercise bc i know it makes me feel good but actually getting around to doing it is hard #also i would love to stop being weak #i just want to be able to lift heavier things #like. it's unhealthy how little i do rn and i dont feel good about it but school has been sucking the life out of me #so i dont have the energy to do things that will increase my mental wellbeing which. not ideal.#agh now that my thesis is done i might finally get around to doing stuff #after a while once my brain and body registers that i'm literally fine #anyways. im nervous about tomorrow.#but it's fine i'll get to catch up with the nice relatives too #leevi talks

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girl-bateman · 4 months

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Feeling a debilitating sense of dread and despair 🤨 Which probably means nothing😍👍

#girl help i cant get out of bed i feel so so awful for no reason at all #literally my soul is gone or something #i have no desires and no joys and no sense of being blessed #which is crazy bc i love life and im so blessed ! usually.#ig i should do something abt it tomorrow if it doesn't get better #alternatively get back into therapy bc tbh... after that horrible sex thing ive felt kinda off #like even after i was able to eat and sleep and function normally without the tremors and head jerks and whatnot #like its not dramatic anymore but i kinda feel drained of life and joy #moments of genuine happiness and fulfillment are ... ? idk. i did feel happy once this week and that was nice but it didnt last obviously #but like ! im not depressed in a depressed way. i take good care of myself and i read my books and eat food and hang out with friends #i just kinda dont recognise myself ig. i mean i know ill get my spark back but maybe i need some professional help #idk !! it kinda feels very silly tho #like ive been in and out of therapy for more than half of my life. and being one year therapy free was a big step for me !#so going back for this little ridiculous freakout feels like a setback #kinda like im making up things to be wrong with me just so that ill have someone to talk to ? or to have attention idk #it doesn't make sense bc i really was proud for getting bettter and i rly dont want to be in therapy anymore #but who knows 🤷‍♀️#there is also this slight risk. just clinically speaking by purely looking at symptoms of certain things. with no stake in the matter! lol #that there might be something bad and [lets not think too hard about it] that lies as a root cause of my little mental breakdown #like according to my sex having friends losing your virginity is awful but not THAT awful and not in THAT way #and my friend kinda said i scared her with how i was acting when i talked to her abt it. like my demeanour and body language and whatever #and i do trust her to know whats normal versus concerning when i dont have my own stable grip of reality #plus. if i was an outside party and applied my psych education on myself. i would say its not looking super good #but i cant really do that bc im not some random patient. im me myself and I 😩✋️ thank you #but whatever. itll be fine. tomorrow will be a better day ! yay !

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orcelito · 10 months

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dropping that half-update like Please Please Please dont bring in new readers Please i dont want even more people to disappoint with how long it's gonna take to update after this

this half-update is a gift to my preexisting readers in celebration for the 3rd anniversary. PLEASE dont get into this fic if ur a new reader. PLEASE dont do that to yourself. please, im begging you

#speculation nation #discacc shit #it's inevitable that every update of a fic pushes it to the top of the update list #and i do have the tags stating it's on indefinite hiatus which will HOPEFULLY dissuade some people #but not all of them probably...#oh well. at least i do have those in the tags so if they read it anyways they know what they're getting into.#waaa waaa waaa im getting really stressed out and emotional from posting a new discacc update after 11 months #looking at the stats for this fic is INSANE like what do you MEAN there are 68k hits?!?!?#that's literally almost 60k more than ITNL has!!!!!!! at 9k hits lol #which really if you think about it even just 9k hits is a lot. but 68k ?!?!? and it'll be Even More with me updating?!?!?!?#insane. fucked up. i dont know what to do with myself now.#go to bed probably. im tired & i want to get more stuff done tomorrow.#oh well. at least i managed to finish it in time to post it on the anniversary #...with only 2 minutes to spare lol #in my defense i was working all day and then packing and then in the car and only JUST NOW got the time to work on it #i finished it in time. and that's what matters.#anyways whatup discacc update after 11 months. fucking wild. man.

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etchedstars · 1 year

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one of these days the knowledge that my life & my friends lives are imploding will not gut me to my core. unfortunately that day is not today

#the overdue asteroid strikes again #look man its been a week and a half back at school and ive never been under more Stress ever in my life #it is currently 12 am and i can feel the weight of my life on my shoulders and not only my life but it is #Literally All Of My Friends Lives there is a deep emotional toll thats being placed on me rn and i cant Deal with it #man i dont know what im doing either im here to ask questions and Be There and not do my homework to help people out #im fine with it. genuinely #but then i dont have time for my homework and i go to bed late and my shoes are falling apart after a single use and i dont know what #shit i have to bring to school tomorrow assuming ive done said shit at all and people keep coming into my dms asking for advice and i #love my friends deeply but in the nicest way possible i Cannot do this right now.#this is about the sheer number of irls who have been asking me about shit #fuck! im losing my mind!#cutting it off here guys i need to go to sleep desperately.#i apologize for this. but this is also kinda like all my mental state rn and i Cannot Pretend im holding it together

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rootbeerfloats · 2 years

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sometimes i wonder how im supposed to move on from her its like she carved out a part of my brain and now lives there

#like i think she was literally one of my first crushes ever and then i was in love with her for like the entirety of highschool but i #couldnt do anything because i already confessed and she rejected me but we were still best friends and then SHE confessed to ME in febuary #of this year and i think that was the happiest moment of my life and then she broke up with me after five months!!!! and its not her fault #that she wasnt ready for a relationship of course its just that like. it was incredibly clear that liked her so much more than she liked me #and it hurts...!!! and i dont even know what to DO now i wanna start dating again but i DONT KNOW HOW literally how do you go from the most #insane painful relationship that lasted years to just like. casual dating. i literally dont know if i can do it HELP LOL #if you read all of this i hope it was entertaining like genuinely i love oversharing on the internet its so cathartic also i am going to #delete this post tomorrow

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britneyshakespeare · 1 year

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why does scheduling my work days give me so much stress and anxiety

#i was supposed to do my first day at the high school today but i had literally so much anxiety i could not fall asleep last night no matter #what. i had so much dread. i took so much melatonin lol.#i could shut my brain off till i went into the application and deleted my schedule for the day #ive just been feeling so fatigued and exhausted since i got covid it's crazy. sometimes i'll have bursts of energy where im productive #but yesterday i was just so tired from loading the washing machine. just. fucking sorting clothes and putting them in #that i had to lie down on the floor for a few minutes in the middle of it #not my finest moment #tales from diana #i didn't have anything scheduled for tomorrow and i thought 'maybe if i feel better tonight ill call in'#but i dont feel. super better tonight. and the only thing that i could do tomorrow at my preferred school is kindergarten subbing #for like the main classroom teacher. which i havent done before so i figured 'yeah im not gonna get my anxiety up 2 days in a row'#i deserve to sleep tonight after all and i think if i committed to that i wouldnt be able to #but i am going into my elementary school on wed-thur-friday of this week. wednesday is only a half day but they'll probably find smth for me #to do in the afternoon. they usually do. and im fine w that.#idk im just much more comfortable in my elementary school. i guess bc ive worked there before and i went to school there #as a wittle student waaaay back in the day. like i know the building and it doesn't scare me and i know a good amount of kids there #and the staff don't intimidate me. so yeah.#i did schedule my first job at the high school FOR REAL THIS TIME and it's next friday. hopefully ill be doing better by then.#im working the thursday before it at the elementary so i'll be in the rhythm of that. idk how to explain it but it's harder to go back #to work when ive taken a day off. like that's also why im not going in tomorrow.#friday (4/07) was the first day i worked since i got covid and that was fine but also. i was so anxious just to go in.#and so so so so tired when i got home. and all weekend.#yeah i wasn't ready to start working at the high school today. that was nonsense.#hopefully all will go well on wednesday thursday and friday of this week. im trying to restore my energy and fix my sleep. thatll do wonders #i hope. i hope i hope i hope

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years

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...

#i genuinely cant think of anything i want for Christmas. maybe skin tone copics but that's literally the only thing #im like the worst person to do things for honestly. there r so many rules and the things i want r so specific that its really not worth it #like i already have too much stuff. the amount of stuff i have rn in this tiny apartment stresses me out #i dont need more. i only work and draw so like i really dont need anything???#so i honestly dont kno wtf to tell my family. like idk give me 25 bucks and ill buy a game on steam #except i wanna get games when break starts and now after Christmas so actually dont do that #idk just dont buy me anything. and dont make me buy anything. im already spiraling #and i might b moving across the fucking ocean in the next year so like idk i dont need more stuff #uuuugh im just avoiding doing things. like interview practice. and writing. and lab work #im just tired. maybe ill go to bed at like 9 lmao. avoid my problems until tomorrow #i would like to be excused from Christmas on account of having a breakdown. or just being a whiny brat #i really need to practice for the interview. bc im underqualified so i need to pretend it hasnt been 4 years since itook molecular genetics #and that i totally absolutely know lots about photosynthesis. definitely absolutely know what im doing. can i read? yes absolutely i can #understand words. ive never been sick in the head ever in my life and its a miracle. so pls give me money #uuuuuuuugh y brain? y dont u listen to me??? we have tasks! do them! pls!#unrelated

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ventcode · 2 years

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might pull a silly and just lay the fuck down or some shit. just hug the pillow as much as possible. cry into it maybe. i cant deal with this. please.

#im still upset abt earlier. im still upset about alot of things.#tonight better be better tomorrow better be better this whole weekend better have something better #if not i might just break and fall apart. this week has been so stressful for what reason. did i piss off arceus? what did i do this week #to deserve any of this. i honestly do not know..#i just want a hug man maybe all my problems will go away maybe if someone actually fucking told me im not doing anything wrong and maybe ev #everything will be fucking fine then maybe i wouldnt have to worry about this shit all the time #why cant i be a good kid. why do i have to be this loser of a teenager why do i have to be this pathetic why cant i change #why cant i be as confident as i seem online. why cant i be the person i made myself online to be. why cant i be like that.#why cant i be confident. why cant i like myself. why cant i be cool. you know?#why am i so hated. whys everyone after me. what did i do. i didnt do anything wrong. i didnt hurt anybody. i dont hurt anybody!#im sorry to literally anyone who knows me. im sorry for being pathetic. im sorry for everything ive ever done.#im gonna go dream or some shit. maybe not in my sleep but im gonna think. im just gonna think of something different yk.#fuck.

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toastsnaffler · 7 days

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ughhhh

#mood rocketing downhill. thjs can only end well :-(#on my period and so tired and sad and lonely and i really really really want a hug im going to bash my head in with a rock #and a bit annoyed i spent ages testing climbing shoes today which ive been meaning to do for ages and the staff were rly nice #and i got a pair in the end but tbh i may end up returning them bc on reflection im not sure theyll work for my specific climbing style #what i rly wanted was a few sizes down of my current ones but they didnt have stock. and i tried the size i wanted in a variation of the #same shoe ie. same shape just not the rubber im after and they fit near perfectly so now im just thinking abt them instead.#u know what fuck it. ill take the train to my old city tmr and go to the climbing store there bc i checked online n they do have them.#ill just be constantly doubting my decision if i dont and i need to do smth nice for myself. and i can read on the train #and if they dont fit better well i have these other ones. and these ones are still nice! but im worried theyre more suited to sport/trad #and im primarily a boulderer... and i mean theyd def be good for some types of bouldering and i wanna get into sport/trad anyway but arghhh #whatever. fuck it. booked my train its not that expensive anyway just time. im tired of letting my decision paralysis get to me #and always settling for shit that makes me unhappy bc its not quite what i want but i talk myself into pretending im okay with it #when im not!!! and its unfair to myself and everyone around me to so consistently fail to identify n communicate my actual wants/needs #this isnt actually abt the shoes im upset for other reasons but at least projecting it onto this gives me a semblance of control #and gives me an easy way out of having to confront n deal with my avoidance...... it literally has no fucking limits huh.#well whatever. i need to food shop and eat and shower and then its okay ill play a videogame and go to bed early #its not been that bad a day i watched a movie this morning which was nice. and it was nice to cycle around the weathers great #probably havent slept enough. probably took my afternoon meds too late. probably just feeling lonely and tired and on my period....#tomorrow will be a nice day and monday i have climbing and there are other nice things coming up. puts down my head bashing rock #okay feeling a bit better now ive cried a bit and typed this. deep breath. wheres my shopping list.#.diaries #.vent #byeee

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seilon · 3 months

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kind of impressed I’ve managed to space out watching an 8-episode show over the span of several days instead of binging it. it has not been easy but I think it was worth it to give me an incentive to get through work the past few days

#(most of) one episode left and im already mourning that feeling of having something to look forward to when I get home every day rip #I was planning on watching it tonight but im also considering if maybe I should wait til tomorrow for that reason #cause I don’t have work today so it doesn’t feel like I’ve Earned it #and moreover like I said it’d give me one more day of that Incentive……..#I’ll probably watch it tonight anyway but……………yea……………..everyone who’s desperately pleading for a season 2 i understand now #kibumblabs #side note. as inconvenient as it seemed at first I think one thing that helped me not binge it all at once was the fact that i have to #watch it on the tv in my room (that i pretty much never use) and can’t watch it on my laptop or anything which would make it more accessible #because im using my friend’s netflix acc which i only have access to through his playstation acc on my ps4 #that is LITERALLY the only reason I’ve been able to watch this show fhdjjchemd #but yeah so i have to be at home. ready to sit down and watch an episode with my dinner or whatever. lights off sound up etc #cant just be chillin in my bed and decide to turn it on no no i have to PREPARE. i have to be READY #im making it seem more difficult than it really is but nonetheless the point still applies it really has helped maintain the excitement #longer than it would’ve lasted otherwise #what do I do after this……….dont say fanfic ive already considered that #not sure I wanna rewatch it immediately… I’ll probably wait a little to do that. ruminate on it first. I don’t know

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jattendschaton · 5 months

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Imo as long as you stay passionate and let that passion drive you to improve you'll eventually get to the point that you no longer feel like your personal skill holds the idea back. I think most creators have to go through this all the time. Just stick with it!

Thank you! I think this is probably a really helpful response for a lot of people, it just doesn't really match up for me, personally. But I appreciate you taking the time to write/send it!

I used to really enjoy reading my writing, so I do know what that's like, but that hasn't been the case for quite a bit of time. Which doesn't mean I don't like writing, I'm still very passionate about writing and I literally do it every day, but liking the process of doing something doesn't mean you necessarily like what you produce. And I know this is a controversial take, but I don't think repeating something over and over necessarily leads to improvement. Like, it absolutely can! But that's not inherent in everything.

So keeping passion alive is great! But I don't think it means you will ever reach a place where you are happy with what you produce. It can (I'd even argue it's a necessary component) but it doesn't always. Like, you may need sunshine and rain to grow a plant, but just having sunshine and rain doesn't mean the plant will grow. Sticking with something is necessary to getting better, but just sticking with it doesn't mean you will definitely improve. Passion for a project is an important aspect to enjoying your work, but it doesn't mean you will. And even if your passion drives you to improve, it may never get you to a level where your skills aren't holding you back. Because at the end of the day, I can't be better than what I am capable of. Even if what I'm capable of changes over time, it's still all limited by me and what I can do

#ask #anonymous #I appreciate you taking the time to send me this #even if I dont agree with it #still really kind of you!#under a cut just because I dont think really anybody is interested in reading this and i dont want to piss people off #by requiring them to scroll too much ajsdklasjdkl #edit several hours later: lmao yes clearly no one is interested in reading this #just me and my zero note flop posts against the world #la dee da i am nothingggggggg and no one will ever even knoowwww #so crazy the times i have just disappeared and literally no one noticed or cared haha #i could die tomorrow and no one would know !!#wild how totally insignificant you can be after 8.5 years in a community #things change but theres always one constant: i did not matter then i do not matter now i will never matter in the future #no one reads what i write no one sees what i draw no one cares what i say i could just lay here and decompose mmmm

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be-good-to-bugs · 5 months

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i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa

#the bin #i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious #so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh.#i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad #im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20 #more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long #and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful #i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed #and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what #else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option #i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed!#it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them #all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister #also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be.#i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul #fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh.#how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon #and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some #i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to #all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone #besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider #friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period #i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho.#i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past #8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me.#its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone #it will get better. it has to.

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