#i live through fantasy worlds because i cant stand my own

[ew-o]

:)

[piduai]

back in 2021 when i was studying to get into college i would stalk your acc everyday i kinda developed a parasocial relationship with fr sorry girl i just enjoyed your strong opinions and ur sense of humour anyway a year later i actually got into college i am doing what i wanted and all and for some reason i thought it somehow would fix all of my lonely problems but it didnt. ive always been weird but more than ever i dont think i can hide it anymore, i try being normal sooo hard but i feel like everyone can see through my act and they get weirdedout, like they can see that i am trying so hard when to them is so natural and the only girl i kinda made acquaitance with is thinking abt leaving so idk what to do. i truly envy normal people, i take no pride in being different i would trade all of my "uniquiness" to be able to fit in this world fr. sorry for venting, i remember you had a post kind of giving tips on how to ""survive" college but i cant seem to be able to find it. anyway thanks queen keep your head up.

congrats on getting into college, especially if it's something you like doing! i hope your academic career is going smoothly.

if you're in your second year of college you're what, early 20s? being 21 is as bad as being 14 but now you can legally take out a loan. being a weird loner at 21 is ^2 that. i think a lot of lonely teenagers have this college fantasy where they'll finally become social butterflies once they get their psych 101 schedule, but it's rarely the case; people don't change overnight. what i'm trying to say is that it's normal and fine even to feel that way - the disappointment, the frustration, the feeling of something lacking and of losing out. you're in a transactional period, not fully grown into your brain, so it's rather normal to feel bottomless despair in your situation. a lot of your problems will pass with age.

i can relate to your "i wish i was normal" bit so bad. a lot of boring losers on here who haven't stepped a toe out of normalcy their entire lives will talk about being proud weirdos because they play dungeons and dragons and have a porn addiction. god's #real strongest warriors know that there's nothing worse than deviating from the norm, a life of alienation you feel down to the bones. even if you mask exceptionally well and manage to blend in it doesn't go away, you know that you're abnormal and are the odd one out, and struggling with things that come naturally to the majority is downright humiliating. when i was younger i used to resent all of this, i resented not being like other people, resented being unable to be like everyone else, resented having to invest excruciating effort to not stand out like a sore thumb. but eventually you just have to come to terms with it, accept that there's something wrong with you, something that makes you different from most people you'll meet casually, and live with it. once you don't hate yourself for it anymore all you have to do is remember the scripts to follow during regular meaningless interactions and you're peachy. weird people have always existed, you're not the first or the last one, and they lived somehow so we can manage too.

and i know that the self-consciousness makes you think that everyone can sniff you out like a hound but the truth is that most people don't really care about you, they have their own lives to worry about. and it's a good thing, great in fact! if you just exist quietly but try to blend in (as in, don't behave in erratic or abnormal ways and don't create trouble) THE meanest thing people will passingly may think of you is "oh she's a bit awkward/shy/unfriendly" like i promise you those around you don't secretly look at you and go like... wtf.... look at that FREAK walking here..... gross..... because they simply don't care. like i think that strangers are much more benevolently indifferent than we're giving them credit for.

as for practical advice you never asked for, the good old "go to a place many times and you'll meet someone" method typically works. actually the best would be to join some sport of your liking, it doesn't have to be like, competitive or anything, swimming or badminton are good. but if you're bad at that maybe try chiller hobbies, like maybe your uni has some kind of clubs? anime/manga clubs, reading clubs, whatever you like. usually the people you meet at those particular clubs suck, but it kind of works like lesbian dating - they can introduce you to their friends, which can be nice encounters. there's also the option of frequently volunteering at events or getting a part-time job, stuff like bartending can introduce you to a lot of young people, especially if you're in a student town, but barista/waitressing can work too.

the problem with all of the above is that it does require you to be proactive, which is i think a difficult feature if your sense of self is fluctuating and you're being eaten alive by shame/self-doubt/self-hatred/insecurity. it's very hard to live that way. first and foremost you need to stand solid on who you are, to learn to accept your own quirks, to accept that you have to put up with hardships others will never know, and to respect yourself. different doesn't mean worse, or even bad. you're not a bad person. bad people don't have this kind of thoughts, they live life guilt free while demeaning and stomping on others. so even if you're a bit unusual you're still a decent person, you're deserving of dignity and respect and kindness, of good things, of connection, of love. meaningful encounters are rare, but they happen! keep searching, there is no other way. there are other people like you. i wish you the best of luck!

[thelladonna]

Confessions (For Jonathan) (Aug. 20th 2022?)

(Aug. 20th 2022?)

Confessions (For Jonathan)

They want to watch and learn from  my vulnerabilities and sensitivities

Yet never want to be part of them

They’ve never reached that point in their lives where they so desperately needed to get out of the room they were in. The need for the security of leaping into the painting, to let your consciousness float with the music, to find your feet planted in an earth constructed from the leaking of your mind.

Perhaps they’re my personal dramas I seem to create just so I can look for something forward, something to keep me pushing on. Not to ignore, not to escape, but to color in the lines already so boldy drawnn by everyone else but myself. 

What else could fill this god shaped hole other than another victim of my fantasies, another construction too real to touch yet real enough to search for safety in. A fear conditioned in me, delivered in the observable flaws of my humanity. A shame for existing, for filling a space within a place reserved for those who want to keep it sacred to their own value, virtue, and agenda. Why must I be told of my shortcomings before I even have the chance to disprove of them? 

I stand here and burn, unable to leap out of the room built for someone else, an apartment like any other, with god on its walls.

All these broken bones under my feet

And yet I still stand here

Slowly sinking

And slowly washing away to join them in their multitudes

Broken and scattered into pieces

Like bits of jewelry; pearls, beads, glass, all precious in their glimmering holistic vastness

Have I found beauty in pain?

Or am I simply falling in love again?

No, this is not love, but a love born of fear, born of insecurity that I was never given an option not to possess until I found freedom in a world by my own design. But even here it lurks in the shadows, and when I find myself in those places of helplessness, when I feel pain, figurative and literal, emotional and physical, who or what is there to pull me forward? But the fictional godhead reflecting my inner most desire, my needs to counteract what I lacked for so many years. And the unfortunate thing is now because of your kindness, it is your face that has taken its place.

But I can dream cant I? Even if it’s a false sense of security, perhaps your distance is what keeps the fire burning, my world turning, and my heart yearning for something that is claimed to be beyond what is humanly possible. Yet, if I can think it, for what reason can it not be? Are dreams not just altered versions of reality? If I can reach the bar so specifically placed, who’s to say you couldn’t too? I know what I am capable of, and it is much greater than what any man has had the ability or capacity to match. Perhaps then this God shaped hole isn’t something reserved for the fantastical, but is a place reserved for those who love you enough to fill that role, and receive it all the same. My wounds are my own to heal, but how much longer must we deny the strength of company?

So if you cease your wanders, and ever wonder which home could belong to you, no matter how many people pass through the walls that which I wish could house your name, my arms will be open for as long as I can keep them empty without falling, or failing myself. Come home, great spirit of my heart, come home to whom does not simply desire you, but desires to fulfill you. 

To put it simply, I want to love like the Gods do.

[noplsnoplsno]

Anger

A powerful emotion, energy vibrating against muscles that I otherwise wouldn't feel. I'm oblivious to my body throughout the day until emotion is involved as it takes me off the autopilot I so carefully crafted to be able to survive without losing my sanity.

I feel anger at myself for being me even though I feel that most days I had little to do with the way I developed as a person. I feel anger at the events that led me to develop something similar to a personality even though I really only feel comprised of maladaptive coping mechanisms, spite, resentment.

Failure to control myself in an outward show of strength. I want to scream, I want to stomp, I want to devolve into the stereotype of a homeless man standing on the side of the road screaming about the second coming of the messiah because it would be the only cause of the fire burning inside me other than the world casting itself a-new.

Like a God looking at her sentient creations I feel weak and powerless to what I created. A life worth living, something that I so craved to do as an prepubescent teenager feeling that once I reached the magical age of 18 that I would create a fantasy world of safety and be able to change my reality on command.

My head clouds with resentment towards the society that crushed my dreams with unspoken rules of being a functioning person. Because as a teen I didn't predict myself being on 5 pills a day; struggling to make a phone payment all because my body finally reacted to the years of stress and heightened fight or flight reactions in a way that destroyed my intestines and joints that were supposed to carry me to my grave.

I cant breathe because I'm so angry. Im suffocated by my unreasonably high expectations. I force myself into a manic state that will involve me being a business woman teaching others lessons that I had to brute force my way through that way they won't enter into society as deluded as I once was.

I do my laundry and wash my hair with tears streaming down my face because I know that there is no God. Similar to the one I believed myself once to be as a small child. Giving invisible beings only small enough for a microscope powerful enough to see pluto to see the resources on a golden platter to survive the pine needles that littered my step-dad's front yard that way I could feel like I was making a fucking difference in anyone's life.

Maybe there is a God, but if there is, why isn't she enough to fix me? Why isn't he enough to change the way my neurochemistry was thrown out of whack after years of abuse and neglect?

The anger is self imposed, I sit and remind myself that anger flows out, feel it, don't express it. Don't fail. Be your own God. Control your own actions.

You have that power now.

Anger

[brivetaroundtown]

To say that I am nervous about posting my writing onto the internet is an understatement.

But the lovely and extremely talented @lumos-flies has inspired me to do so after working with me on making my Villain Denki brain rot a reality. So this is a part 2 to that.

Link to "About Last Night" also a Link to KoFi because their work is impeccable

Denki Kaminari x F! Reader

+18 Minors DNI

TW: Overstim, electricity play, use of Puppy as a pet name, slight possessive yan vibes if you squint. That’s really all I could think of, if someone catches more PLEASE let me know!

___________________________________________________________

It has been 2 weeks, 5 hours, and a quick glance at the clock shows 30 minutes since that text from Denki. Not that you were keeping track or anything. No, you were perfectly capable of living your life as normal all while knowing that the best sex of your life was had with the infamous Chargebolt.

“Miss me?”

That the same electric quirk that lit your body up like the grand finale New Year firework display was also capable of leveling a city block. Those hands that stoked such euphoria from your body that you could still feel him on a cellular level, were also the hands responsible for the death of hundreds. And you, a grown capable woman was going to work and living your life as normally as possible in this crazy city. You weren’t still obsessing over the idea of texting Denki back, or having flashbacks to that night while alone with yourself at night… or in the shower… or hell even currently riding this elevator at work down to the first floor so you can start your walk back home. The memory of Denki’s head between your thighs as electric sparks swirled across his tongue wasn’t plaguing your every waking moment.

Too bad you were a terrible liar, even, maybe especially to yourself.

How demented was it that him becoming a villain turned you on more? Was it the risk? As if living in this city without quirk wasn’t risky enough in and of itself, you were now fantasizing about a villain?! Granted, the fantasies were based on a very real encounter but still. You should probably speak to a therapist, but were also concerned that they would be legally obligated to tell the authorities. You would be the worst bait, after all you couldn’t even lie to yourself.

You don’t even remember making it back to your apartment. So caught up in your own thoughts you must have walked the whole way on autopilot. Which is a shame, because thoughts like those required wine and you cant remember if your roommate remembered to add it to the lis… thoughts halted abruptly by the current obsession leaning against your door.

Are hallucinations a common symptom of sexual frustration? Why would he be here? As you stare at the blonde casually leaning against the frame, slight smirk gracing his face as Denki takes in your presence.

“Hey Puppy, long time no see” his voice ran through you, sparking along your spine, further fanning the dark need inside of you. Yet you couldn’t say a word, too shocked that he was here, in the flesh.

“You know, you should probably let me in. Wouldn’t want your neighbors to call the cops. Bakugo is real big on property damage. I think he gets off on it.” Denki’s smirk deepens into a grin at your blanched expression. Its not fair that someone so evil can make a grin look that sexy. Spurred on by the fear of others seeing him does rush you into action, urging him inside your apartment.

Before you can even ask what he was doing there or how he found out where you lived, Denki had your back against a wall with his face shoved between your neck and shoulder.

“J..just give me a minute”

The vulnerability of the moment had you forgetting all the news segments and every other thought in your head. Your arms reacted on their own accord, wrapping tightly around him, stroking his back to offer comfort. As if this was a completely normal situation, and not the fucked up one that was your reality. This softness did not last long. It started with soft kisses, that turned to a quick nibble, and paused with a whispered “You should say no now, this is your only out”. Your voice responded without any input from your conscience or logic with a desperately whispered “please.”

Denki let out a growl, pulling your body roughly against his, already feeling sparks of heat through your work shirt while his teeth bit into the softness of your neck. You knew that you said yes to something more than just another night, but as Denki lifted you your legs wrapping around his waist as he carried you to your room, you were not really sure that you cared. As the buttons from your blouse snapped and landed on the floor, with every rip and tear of thread as Denki rushed to see your skin, you let the world know with every moan and gasp that fell from your lips, how willing you were to fall into this sin.

“Watch me” You had not even realized your eyes had closed, Denki was still dressed, though he had lost his jacket to the floor. Your clothes were in tatters around you, naked and vulnerable sitting on top of your comforter at the edge of your bed. Now that he had your full attention, Denki traced his fingers from your neck to each of your pert nipples, the electricity from his fingertips shocking you as he traced your body. Claiming every cell as his lighting danced along your skin leaving no inch of it untouched. You would never be the same, but you should have known that from the last time. Possessiveness filled his yellow eyes, trapping you in their depths. You couldn’t look away, even if you wanted too.

“Do you know how many times I have thought about this body of yours puppy?” With each words his fingers traced lower down your stomach, the other hand tightening its grip on your thigh. “Almost constantly. You not messaging me back stung a little bit though” the electricity went a little sharp on the word stung, ripping out a whimper from your lips, before it returned to the pleasing level of heat that you went wet for, the reality being so much better than the memory. You did dare to speak back though, voice thick with lust “you didn’t text back for the longest time either.” The words may have been whispered but they did not go unnoticed by Denki. With a crooked grin, he pulled you closer to the edge of the bed, forcing your thighs apart so that his body could stand between them.

“So my puppy did miss me” his teeth nibbled along your jaw, drawing out a moan as he made his way to your sensitive ears “don’t worry Y/N, you won’t have to miss me anymore.” With those words sealing your fate, Denki drops to his knees pressing his lips against your wet cunt. “Keep those eyes on me puppy, and those hands to the bed. Want to be a good girl for me dontcha?”

All it took was a nod from you before his tongue was licking along the seam, teasingly dipping into your folds, only using the tip of his tongue to flick over your sensitive clit. “Already so wet for me puppy” the words vibrated through your core, as his tongue kept tracing a path from your folds to your clit and back. You were so close to the edge of bliss already, just a bit more pressure and you would… the scream that came out of your throat your orgasm ripping through you at Denki’s sudden use of this quirk on your clit caught all of your senses by surprise.

Denki chuckled against your core, the flat of his tongue against your clit riding you through the pleasure. Kissing your clit, shocks electricity still coming from his mouth, he gave no warning when he plunged two of his fingers into your clenching depths, instantly finding that special spot within you. As if he had a map. Which really wasn’t fair, especially as he released more shocks against your clit and spot in tandem, ripping another orgasm from your body in quick succession. Your conscience never stood a chance when Denki had claimed every nerve, every thought, every breathe.

Licking his lips, Denki rose to his feet so that he stood between your thighs. Grabbing your chin with one hand while releasing his dick from his pants with the other, never breaking eye contact. “Y/N” your name like a prayer on his tongue as he nudged your clit with the head of his dick, his hand stroking himself as he used your slick. “I am taking you with me puppy, wont need anyone but me” and with those words he pushed inside of you, moving his hands to your waist to pull you even closer.

Shocks from his quirk along with the way he slammed himself into your cervix, eyes still locked together had you coming undone around his cock. Fucked dumb, you don’t even remember gripping onto his shoulders, “you know puppy” Denki groans into your ears “your hands were supposed to stay on the bed. But don’t worry baby, we got time to train you on how to be a good girl for me later.” His voice in your ear combined with the relentless pounding into you, electricity dancing in and around your body, wrapping around you like hands had you coming again. Your eyes rolling back, whimpering at the blend of pain and pleasure, not sure how long you were going to be able to grasp consciousness.

You weren’t even completely done with the orgasm rolling through you before you felt the next one building. Denki was like the fucking energizer puppy, as you fluttered and gripped around his cock he started to pound faster, something you weren’t even sure was possible.

“Go on puppy, give me one more”

The fabric of his shirt against your nipples, his teeth and lips marking your neck and shoulders, your body electric with the waves of yellow lighting shocking against your skin at his every touch had your final orgasm exploding within you. Body alive with the white shock of blinding pleasure you barely registered Denki whispering your name or the feeling of his warm cum painting your inner walls. All you could register was the softness of your comforter against your back as you fell against it, darkness blurring your vision as you succumbed to sleep, and the whispered promise.

“I am taking you with me.”

[xenosagaepisodeone]

ok 3.0+1.0 longpost -_-

it’s difficult for me to describe how I feel about 3.0+1.0 as a film because it’s artistic vision is just a 25 year cultivated response to the otaku fixation on nge. this film hardly feels like it can stand on it’s own feet as a coherent story -- it’s constantly introducing and reinterpreting symbols, contexts and concepts in order to lay down some kind of grounded world while also wanting to be evocative of the freeform flow of feelings occurring in EoE/Ep25/26. if this movie was it’s own thing and just living in the shadow of it’s predecessor, I could probably live with it and maybe even say that I liked it, but it’s flip flopping on if it wants the metanarrative to drive the story or if it wants to erect a new mythology of Eva altogether completely squanders maximizing the potential of doing either. what were left with is a very cowardly iteration of the message at the end of nge -- “human connections are important, even if they can be painful” becomes “ if we show you what you wanted to see for the past nearly 30 years, will you grow up now?”

"Defeated" feels like how I would describe the ethos of this film.

reiQ’s farmer adventures were cute, but in a way that felt bittersweet- because this character is not actually rei. not simply because she is not ayanami, but because she carries no actual development from her previous iterations like the other characters of rebuild. reiQ answers the question of “what if rei was actually as moe as she looks in official art” but forgets to pull the rug out from beneath you to unveil the depths of her turmoil. while Ayanami would say “I am not your doll to control”, reiQ has almost every aspect of her character dictated to her by other people - and this is depicted as fulfilling and human (because Anno wants you to get a job and have kids). not even her name is her choice. her sudden death only exists to serve as a motivator for shinji. I wanted to believe that this was some commentary on how a relationship without pain and loss cant exist, but it seems unlikely as rei (1, 2, 3, Q, Ayanami, lilith, etc) does not have an arc in this film. also the TV production quality of the village segment made it feel like I was watching a 12 episode sol as opposed to an actual film.

funnily enough, my feeling towards reiQ made me feel retroactive distaste towards 1.0 and 2.22. I’ve never thought rebuild was good, that much has never been a secret. 1.0 and 2.22 however carried enough over from the original series that it felt like the original characters were picking themselves up and getting better. I was happy seeing asuka, who had previously spent 26 episodes and a movie being miserable, open herself up to happiness. I was happy seeing rei connect more with shinji. even if the characters had to become simplified versions of themselves to find their own peace, it didnt feel thatbad. I didn’t realize until 3.0 came out how little this tetralogy had to it beyond puppeteering iconography and hoping that fans find meaning in it. 3.0 and 3.0+1.0 carried the same conviction of 1.0 and 2.22 of showing you characters you like doing things you wished they did, but with the support of the original series environment withering away to unveil half baked ideas, convoluted plots and meaningless regurgitation of every meaningful image this series has produced. seeing rei stripped even farther than her bare bones as reiQ put into focus what I thought I appreciated about 1.0 and 2.22.

there were a few times throughout this movie where I was trying to figure out what it was that anno was trying to say. as stated in my op paragraph, the film does carry it’s own simplified message about how important it is to grow up and face the real world, but this message largely betrays the framing. its cowardly. the pain that shinji experience does not come from the Other anymore, it is all self inflicted. learning to endure hardship simply became a matter of overcoming your own feelings, because now everyone else in your life effortlessly accepts you. there are 3 girls with who dont have any problems anymore and a solarpunk empire that would be all over you if you simply stood on your own two feet. there is no asuka experiencing hedgehog dilemma with shinji, there’s only asuka who exists so shinji can learn how to confess to a girl. there is no misato constantly subjecting shinji to a interplay of projecting her issues onto him and attempting to mother him (with varying degrees of success), there’s just shinjis step mom who accepts that she is responsible for him (which feels GREAT to see but feels bad when you think about what it sacrificed to get there). for a guy whose complicated relationship with otaku culture has bled into his work, you would think that idealistic fantasy of the real world wouldnt be the crutch of the delivering his message. when I say that “defeated” is the ethos of this film, I mean that it is so lacking in purpose compared to its predecessors that it wears itself thin trying to superficially have something for every conceivable audience while throwing out the meat of why people liked those things in the first point.

I was surprised to see that it was gendo who survived as the most introspective part of the film. i’m conflicted towards how I feel about a gendo redemption arc, but I feel as if his instrumentality sequence itself was decently shot (I hate having to compare it to ep 25/26 but it lacks the artistic flare for such a big budget film) and very well articulated. there’s a beautiful story in here about realizing your parents are people and parents realizing the responsibility they owe to their children, but I wish it could have been explored in a different film where characters are less held back by their established canon. honestly watching this whole sequence made me wonder if anno is still friendly with goro miyazaki LMAO

I was largely uninterested in the fight scenes, I think the only one that genuinely made me feel something was the one towards the end where asuka turns into an angel. the poor fight choreography coupled with weird shot composition and the overbearing usage of cg makes fight sequences overbearing and kind of difficult to decipher. cg fights are largely 1 eva vs a swarm of enemies that take up the screen, all of them having the same line weight which just ends up making all parties involved look like a mesh of colors. there arent real stakes for the most part either, asuka and mari tear through waves of enemies with effortless precision accuracy in a way that isnt visually or technically impressive.

believe it or not, I don’t actually dislike Mari. Mari enacts what Anno sought to do with the Rebuilds -- to destroy Evangelion. Mari (literally!) falls out of the sky into the story and is not gripped by the pain of the hedgehog’s dilemma as she exhibits her adoration for most things. her romance with shinji is intentionally analogous to how anno perceives his relationship with his wife -- that she saved him by encouraging him to live in the real world. the actual, textual ridiculousness in her character is softened when you realize that she’s just another component of his 4 movie long exhibition of telling everyone his life is better now that he’s successful and has a hot and talented wife.

is it worth complaining about all the crotch or ass shots. i think we all feel the same way about it. anyway i have more thoughts but these are my loose ones.

[fleshblueberry]

Babe wake up im going to rant about my ocs lore because im bored

Tw/cw depression, suicide, kidnapping, addiction, unreality

I write angsty stuff for my ocs oops-

When i first started making my characters they were very different in alot of ways and they were very different from what they are now. But i some how managed to glue all the chaos of my ocs together into a semi-coherent story. I went through an insane amount of world building with myself and i honestly dont think ive ever writen or typed any of it out before! its all just up in my head (and you know my memory is trash so ive probably forgotten of alot of things i made before lol). Anyways- i have two main story lines for my characters. Ethan's story, and Vevlet's story. Although i must admit Ethan's story is less complex than velvets simply beacsue it acts as a story of prequeal to Velvets story line. (Alternate realities that happen to have effect on each other basically- we love space time junk)

Ethan's world is very similar to ours, the most similar out of any of my fantasy worlds lol. Ethan's story revolves around self-discovery. I mean for it to be a wholesome/lighthearted thing that quickly leads up to dark undertones (spoilers lol). Ethan's story begins with Eef pre-transition (AFAB to NB). We get to see Ethan learn about themself and have fun exploring emotions and what it means to be alive. Ethan comes from a run-down family (mom khs, dad mia). So he lives with his adoptive parents (who i have yet to design and think about- theyre lesbians 100% though). A major moment for Eef is meeting his partner Seth. As you already know Ethan and Seth are cute ass boyfriends and stuff but guess what! im jammed their story full of angst and edgy shit bc i "wrote" most of this when i was hella depressed! Anyways Seth's family is like moderally welathy, wealthier than most i would say. Seth catches feelings for the emo chick ofc (forgot to metion Eef was definately a hot goth girl before he transitions).... uh yea anyways seth ends up flirting and crushing on eef and eef is like yea sure im bored and sad why not. and they end up dating after a while. Theres an important moment in their relationship when Ethan take Seth to this dead tree. THis dead tree is very important also bc it is where his mother hanged herself, and Ethan doesnt quite remember that bc he was very young when it happened, but he knows it as a place of comfort and he goes there alot when he feels sad or alone. this tree could be taken as symbolizim but heheh ill never tell. anyways Ethan is like yo my fevorite tree and Seth is like wtf okay bro ily and all but why a dead tree with an unstable tire swing?? ANd ethans like idk but i like it here reminds me of my childhood (op my guy) and they spend the night there. Also when ethan comes out to seth as nonbinary seth is just like ok,,, because hes bisexual lol. anyways time skip and Seth has some addiction problems once he graduates, long story short- Ethan doesnt like it bc his dad was a druggie so he trys to help Seth and Seth raises his voice and ethan is tiny compared to his bf so hes naturally like terrified of being hit and he suddenly feels his world of happy and peace he build back up bieng destroyed once again so he heads to his mothers dead tree and decides life isnt worth it anymore, and he hangs himself in the exact spot his mother did.... once seth comes off one of his highs or whatever hes like- oh fuck i yelled and acted agro to my traumatized partner. and he immedatly goes to the tree bc its Ethans favortie spot but its to late. regret is the only emootion anymore... its over for them.

now youre probably wondering how the absolute hell does that tie into velvets lore?? well do i have a tale for you. Velvets sotry begins on her 21st birthday, she is out for drinks with her douchebag bf and her bestfriend. several drinks later she yells over blaring club music shes going to the restroom, and as shes walking back she sees her bf and her bestie making out and she doesnt even say anyhting and walks out alone. She is making her way back to her apartment very tipsy. She then hears a vechile driving beside her, she cant make out anyhting theyre saying and the people in the car get out and before she even relises whats going on shes thrown into the vechile and is being beaten and yelled at. She passes out as theyre driivng to somewhere. When she next awakes she is in a barn-looking place. Concreate walls painted red and straw all over the floor. she cant stand, her legs stung and so did her entire body. for several days- she doesnt know how long she stayed in this place unable to move or do anything. Weak and starving, she gathered up her last bit of strength and hung herself on a low board (havent really worked out the details on that scence bc i keep changing my mind but she does hang herself). Cut to a space of nothingness- legit nothing- exactly its impossible to imagine nothing. In the nothing sits velvet all skin and bone, and then an entity, a hooded figure with long hair, sits next to her. No words are spoke, but the entity looks at velvet longingly. Then it tears out its eye- just full on plunges its hand into its socket and rips it out. bloody mess honestly. the entity hands its eye to velvet, and she takes it. there is no thoughts here, no sound, only actions. Cut once more to a coriners room place? ya know the place with dead bodies and tables and shit- anyways a bright light emerges from dead!vevlets chest and surrounds her entire body. *cue stunned doctor mans* Velvet arises from her death with her scars healed over and... wings. Yup shes an angel now. I mean her world already had monsters and things of suppernatural belonging but- angels are rare. She makes 1 of 2 angels in their relam as of current. Angels are "made" from regrets. Regret overflowing from two sources- one long dead and the other recent. This is where ethan comes in. Ethan's regret from how he died was powerful and sad, powerful enough for his spirt- an entity- to reach Velvets. Velvet too, had much regret in her death. So young and so many things that could have been avoided. In the days following up to her death in the barn/cellar she only felt regret. Regret for all she did and all she didnt do. So much pain summoned the entity. Their powerful forces of regret pulled them together and allowed Velvet to return- but at a price for the both of them. the entity lost its eye- symbolizing a loss of humanity and conscientiousness. While Velvet lost herself, she no longer can view her world in the same way. She has severe ptsd- like episodes and halucinations. She cant go back, she has to live through he own grief. Velvets appearnace also changes quite a bit. Her hair got longer, she has two sleek gray wings on her back, and- one of her eyes are purple now. why does it hrut her to see that eye? why is it all so familiar yet far away. Her human brain can hardly understand all the changes. But she was gifted this- she knows she must try. And luckily for her society sees angels as higher beings. They are given the umost respect but they are also greatly feared because of how misterious their origins are. The only other known angel meets with velvet quite alot through her story, he will act as a sort of guide/plot device to make things a bit easier for myself (havent worked out his lore tho or even a design for him hjbfkjsdb). Anyways im tired and its 1:35 am so thats all the lore you get for now, plus its the stuff ive thought about the most so- i dont really want to think any furtherb ahead yet lol. to many little things to work out...... i love creating but oml typing hurts after an hour or so-

Jam out!

... I don't even know what to say to this

[prettycutebunny]

Stockholm syndrome

The white kimono hugged your body like a glove. You can hear a frantic scream of your soon to be your mother in law at the people doing your hair and make up. You were marrying a zoldyck. A bride of Someone from such a highly status can be nothing but perfect. The silky white dress filled so much like a Shroud. In a way it was, after today you will forever be dead in the eyes of everyone you’ve ever known. You stopped existing the moment you were taken here. Any objections or attempt of escape were met with a harsh punishment that led you to the blink of insanity. You felt the extreme need to cry, but you’ve lost the right to. Any sign of weakness meant a harsh punishment. You wanted to leave do bad but you simple couldn’t. The mere thought of it made your head hurt and your body paralyzed. You heard his voice in a chant

“Mine”

“You can’t leave”

“You need me”

Who's that shadow holding me hostage?

I've been here for days

Who's this whisper telling me that I'm never gonna get away?

You’ve always been a good person, helping others in need and trying to be as kind as possible. You’ve never regretted your actions, not until it lead you to him. You were helping in a fundraiser. It was for the people who lost their homes to a recent hurricane. You’ve been on your feet since the morning and you couldn’t help but head to the only table with empty seats in it. There’s only one guy sitting in it. The fundraiser was open to anyone who’d donate 100,000 Jenny and more so it had all kinds of people in it , But you didn’t except his type. A strange man with purple batch of hair and needles all over his face. Everyone else was keeping a 5 meter space around him. You never were one to judge so you simply smiled at him and sat in silence. You felt him look at you with the corner of his eyes and you looked and smiled brighter.

“This is one hell of a party ! Thank you for your donation.”

He didn’t respond but stared. You kept talking to at least make the atmosphere less awkward? But you were met with silence.You tried you hardest to stop the shiver and kept talking. He seemed to be watching you intently so he was listening right ? When the host knocked on his glass you looked up. It was time for the toast and you were excited ! Then it happened, he just fell dead to the ground. Everyone was dumbstruck for a moment before the screams echoed through. You turned to the guy next to you to find him simply gone. You felt a splitting headache. Every single corner of your skull ached. Your body gave in as you tried to stand up. What happened to you ?

know they'll be coming to find me soon

But I feel I'm getting used to

Being held by you

The headache continued and so was the sighting of the stranger. He looked nothing like he did in the party but you just knew it was him. He was everywhere you looked. Your mind was screwing with you. His blank stare judging and assessing you as you gone about your date. This creepy unsettling feeling wouldn’t go away. Somehow all your debts were cleared, you’ve been offered a scholarship out of nowhere, and your job decided you should work as an accountant in a desk instead of bartending and dealing with drunken men. You knew it was too good to be true. You just knew it. You’re a semester away from graduation so why not enjoy it ? The only draw back to it all was your unsettling feeling of being watched and the sighting of strange people. It wasn’t like the dead eyed stranger who came as a hallucination, they were real people. The only common thing they all had was their clothes. A nice black pant suit. Most of them looked normal enough and always kept their distance when you actually saw them. It was on the day you graduated it all changed.

Oh, baby, look what you've done to me

Oh, baby, look what you've done now

Oh, baby, I'll never leave if you keep holding me this way, oh o-oh

Oh, baby, look what you've done to me

Oh, baby, you've got me tied down

Oh, baby, I'll never leave if you keep holding me this way, oh o-oh

He was waiting for you in your apartment. Every fiber of your being wanted to scream, yet you couldn’t. He stood looking at you just as intensely as he did when you first met him.

“I’ve been waiting for you until you finish your degree”

He said so blankly like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“You seem confused ? I’ve been waiting for you and now you’re ready. You don’t have any unfinished business right ?”

You wanted to laugh and cry. What did he think you were ? A ghost ? He took you to his home. Just like that? You’ve lost your freedoms. He took you to another world. World of every luxury you could ever dream of. You can never forget the way he simply introduced you as his future bride to his family. His mom was the one who showed any signs of emotions while the other treated it like it was like he told them about the weather. No one cares about what you thought or wanted. They were family of a assassins and you now you’re become part of them.

“Your actions are restricted because of my needle. If you behave, I’ll remove it okay ?”

Needle ? Assassins ? Mind control ? What type of fantasy game were you thrown into ? You’re ashamed to admit it but you were getting used to this life. The life of comfort and luxury.

Who's this person that's holding your hand

And talking about your eyes?

Used to sing about being free but now they’ve changed their mind

The wedding ceremony was brief and formal. You’re now a zoldyck. Just like that you’re part of the deadliest family in the world. He escorted you to your shared room and you felt yourself crying on the inside. You weren’t looking foreword your wedding night at all. You were so scared. You’ve barely spent any time with him and now you have to share a bed. Once he opened the door you felt your tears falling as your breathing quickened. You don’t want this. He stopped looking at you confused.

“Why are you leaking crying ?”

“Please , I cant do this. I don’t even know you”

He titled his head.

“This is troublesome.”

“Why me ? You can have anyone else !”

He looked at you with what seemed like fondness in his eyes.

“You were the first person to smile at me.”

You blinked. Wait what ? That can’t be it ! That doesn’t make any sense? First ? Why ? You felt him approaching in light yet dominating steps. He was like a hunter approaching it prey. His hands wrapped around you in possibly the most awkward embrace ever existed.

“Mom said hugs would make up closer”

He said in a matter of a fact voice as he leaned in.

“I saw you and I wanted you. That’s all”

You sniffed and as you felt yourself laughing. That’s it ? His awkwardness and robot like motion were ..... cute ? What is the matter with you ? His hand stroked your hair roughly like a robot trying to mimic the action of humans comforting each other as you started laughing quietly. What is the matter of you seriously? He looked down at you and you swore you saw his lips raise a little

“You’re not crying anymore. Good.”

know they'll be coming to find me soon

But my Stockholm syndrome is in your room

Yeah, I fell for you

The first few days of your marriage was spent in the most awkward touches in the planet. The way he touched your face , hair , back. The way he put you on his lap or hugged you. It was so robotic it always made you laugh. He didn’t mind, he seemed to like your laugh. You couldn’t help feeling some fondness for him. As crazy as it sounds, he wasn’t bad. Compared to other people who would grow up in his environment with parents like his, he wasn’t bad at all. He didn’t force himself at you, yell, or used physical force. He let you leave the room and befriend the butlers. It was unspoken rule. You can do whatever you wanted as long as you didn’t leave or betray him. You didn’t want to anymore. What would you do outside anyway ? Work your ass off to afford decent living as you try your hardest to find a guy who wants to settle down and not waste your time. You’ve got all the money you want and an online ordered husband. Yes he wasn’t like the typical store bought one but it did the trick, and now you’re laughing alone like an idiot. Your husband wanted children, your in laws wanted grandchildren, and you can feel the butlers treating you like glass to protect the imaginary child inside you. Everyone wanted you to have a kid. You never thought of it before but would you ? It would seal your fate forever inside this family. More than you already did anyway.

All my life I've been on my own

I use a light to guide me home

But now together we're alone

And there's no other place I'd ever wanna go

Baby, look what you've done

(Look what you've done to me)

You laid next to your husband who simply hold you as he laid like a statue. He never slept next to you, but for some reason he’d lay next to you everyday as you drifted to sleep. Your mother in law idea no doubt. You felt the blush creeps in as you laid next to him and whispering.

“Illumi?”

“Hmm”

“Let’s have a baby”

You said in the tiniest shyest voice you’d ever master. The way his body shot up meant he heard you. His soulless eyes looking straight into your soul as you blushed harder and pulled the covers over your head. His cold hand stopping you in your track. He leaned down next to your ear with heavy breathing.

“What did you say ?”

“I want us to be a family”

You’ve went through your life alone. No matter how many friends you’ve had or how close to your family you’ve been you’ve felt alone. Inside his arms you’ve felt safe. Was it the needle ? You didn’t care. You were happy. You have everything. What good did your outside friends did to you anyway ?

“I love you”

You whispered satisfied as you’ve both laid down after consummating your marriage. He didnt replay, but you’ve felt him tighten his embrace.

Baby, look what you've done to me

Baby, look what you've done now

Baby, I'll never leave if you keep holding me this way

Baby, look what you've done to me

Baby, you got me tied down

Baby, I'll never leave if you keep holding me this way

[westernchords]

2020: a replay & reflection

so... here we are at the near end of a very long, unsettling & strange year. and at this particular moment in time, spotify has released its 2020 wrapped feature, an annual highlight for gay people everywhere (self VERY included). since the world is very large & this is a personal blog with a limited scope, i'll talk about what i know best: the view from my corner of the musical world.

i only had two songs in common with any previous year -- i wish i missed my ex by mahalia & sugar by brockhampton (... i know, the heartache is loud already,)

4 unique rain asmr audios made it into my top 15 (they help me sleep lolol)

show tunes was my #4 most listened to genre and yet not a single one made it into my top 100. (i'm pretty sure it was all of my late night waitress sing alongs)

i discovered 1,012 new artists and 162 new genres

all very fun and interesting things! however, in looking at this year, there are two things to discuss that are most important: the amount of time i spent listening to music (111,989 minutes) and my top song, fake mona lisa. let's discuss both.

on time: in short, music means a lot to me. in long, i mean that music has been central to my life for as long as i can remember. i think of my church choir and my mother singing eartha kitt and corrine bailey rae in the kitchen, my father's surprise talents at piano when he would play in chapel, and how i like to make up little ditties to sing for my dog or while i cook or to solely entertain myself. if one was to take a look at my journals, each entry is annotated with the song i was listening to or suited my mood at the time i was writing. at any moment, i am capable of revisiting the emotional landscape of old memories all set to the very soundtrack that holds that particular past closest.

i still remember plucking violin strings at 5, how i used to stack music books so i could sit up straight on my piano bench because i was too short at 7, picking up woodwinds in highschool and letting my best friend act as conductor, and now, singing endlessly- day in and day out, because it makes me feel like i am traveling home. i think of creole folk songs that connect me to my family, my diaspora. i remember the favorite songs and artists of people i don't know anymore, but still. it stays with me. my friend cj says i have a great emotional sensitivity to music, but more so, music simply connects to every cornerstone of who i am. the creation of it, the listening, the love of it. the constancy.

music is integral to my daily routine and life. since i was 13, maybe younger, i have always believed that the first song i hear in a day sets the tone so i always try to play something i love and makes me feel joyful to start off on the right foot. i will do this my entire life. every day is permeated by sound and the data shows it. 111,989 minutes is almost 3 months straight. this doesn't even count soundcloud listens or youtube tracks or music i play on my own. this felt fitting. music, this year in particular, has been a salve to both new and old hurt. and maybe i am picking at my scabs, but 2020 has amplified so much anger and shame and fear and despite that, there is so much joy in art. music is a balm for the world, it is poetry in its own right.

on fake mona lisa: so .. i am kind of obsessed with this song. fifteen hours worth of listening, i text my friends i'll join the video call soon - i just need one more replay, i got high and played this song while lying in the middle of a meadow and experienced more emotions than i had had in a very long time, my friends lovingly tease me about it so it's sort of like a character trait now, kind of obsessed. my turning to this song was the sort of romance that i didn't anticipate, but fell very hard into and, if you know me, you know that's my favorite kind. let's get into why: when dedicated side b came out, i was heartbroken. there's really no other way to put it. i was alone, back in my childhood bedroom, and harboring a reopened wound from past relationships that maybe had never closed in the first place. i was in this strange, melancholic knee-deep-in-emotions place & if you're an avid CRJ fan, you recognize that's a place she knows and sings about well.

as a song, fake mona lisa tends to be one of carly's more lyrically opaque tracks. which is fine, i'm a storyteller at heart, i'll craft my own narrative. (and honestly, there wasn't much legwork here.) without doing a full blown analysis, here are pieces that i find important to note about the song lyrically and resonate most with me -- big or small.

(transcription at bottom)

what i'm basically saying is that this song is about risk and young love and sex. its about secrets, cheap thrills, fast & easy desires, and the fantastical euphoria of a dead-end-but-still-fun “we're young so what's the matter,“ relationship. (very reminiscent of LA hallucinations, imo) and to me, someone who has been in and out of this same subset of emotional affairs, fake mona lisa stuck with me. vegas is a city of high risk, high reward- where else to chase that superficial, unattainable someone? more so, the song gives you the understanding that the relationship doesn't last, but that was not what carly ever truly wanted out of it. fake mona lisa is, at its core, about over indulgence in pleasure as a stand in for actual love + commitment, something i am oft to do myself & only did more of after dedicated side b dropped. i latched onto the slow and simmering exposition into glittery pre-chorus, starlit imagery, shiny-faraway vocals, and frankly, there was no competition for my song of the year. the song is a dream. i love it and i know what that says about me, but i stand by it. 

dedicated side b, especially fake mona lisa, carried me through the healing process of heartbreaks that crystallized into many other things- indulgence, desire, risk, short lived romances, secrets, joy, kisses i should've kept to myself, spontaneous dance breaks, tears, etc., it is an album about love, recovery, and returning to the self. fake mona lisa is just my favorite stop on a long train ride to an okay-ness with aspects of romance (both with the self and others) that i am still figuring out the messy, rose-tinted, contours of.

and sonically? i just adore the key of d minor.

as a last touch point, fake mona lisa was only the tip of the iceberg of songs  i obsessed over about not-exactly-ideal romances. again and again and again, heartbreak anthems appeared in my top 100, a deviation from my typical warmth towards romantic sentiments that appeared in past years. instead, there is a sense of love-at-a-distance, a painting yourself as the object of desire, a severed attachment, a not wanting to commit at all (see let's be friends, heartbeat, want you in my room, all by crj ... all appearing on the list.) however, much of what appeared celebrated love and having tremendous, special, struck by cupid, feelings. it's all there. what i'm saying is that carly rae jepsen writes music for lovestruck people- both lucky and not so much, hopeless or hopeful -- you name it. she writes about how you can fall in love with almost anyone, soundtracks for the highs of the first throes of intimacy, the first (and last) kiss, the shared moments between two people when they are each other's whole world, and the palpable distance of heartache, separation, and the landscape between. 

she writes as though she is both eros and psyche, armed with arrows of cascading melodies, tipped with a salve for suppressing+healing+amplifying heartbreak, and lyrics so intimate and dreamy, you really can't help but believe in love with the way she speaks of it. love is a venture from shame, a fantasy that is more real than anything else, tender and kind, pleasurable, and escapable into. the world is better in it, the world is better because of it. in carly rae jepsen's discography, love is the defining pillar of experience. a northern star and guiding principle. it is the only thing, no matter what form. & frankly? i cant help but agree.

as a final note, in hanif wills-abdurraqib's emotion review for MTV, carly rae jepsen's public displays of affection, he says this:

thats all for now. bye 2020.

- august

///

transcription of my notes:

verse 1:

city/star light imagery

i am known for wearing a star stamp on my cheek

infatuation & attraction

paints a photo of a starlet and her lover, a fair weather affair

pre-chorus:

always waiting fro a chance the object of desire

a high from love, addictive pleasures

chorus:

sex & art & risk taking (art synonymous with beauty. + seduction)

she knows she cant handle this in a real way, but wants it

desire vs/& (in conjunction with) pain

verse 2:

an idealistic worldview, hoping for the best, always somewhere else not present. 

dreamy lyrics + dreamy state of mind, cloudy even.

specifically the words fake mona lisa:

contrast, beautiful yet fully acknowledged to be unreal/superficial

a stand in for “real art“ aka “real love“

[thebiasrekkers]

Shadow’s Birthright | MYG

Chapter 05: Two Way Mirror

Plot: Riding in on thunder and lightning, two princes are born. But a crown cannot be shared. It can only be worn by one and one alone. The hands of man have separated the brothers, allowing one to live in wealth and comfort inside the palace while the other grows up among commoners. But Fate cannot be destroyed by the hands of man. A shared destiny reunites the brothers; one to become a king who descends into madness and the other will rise as a dragon whose journey has only just begun in order to claim a crown he does not desire to have.

Rating: NC-17 // NSFW

Genre: series | historical!au | fantasy!au | angst | romance | drama | tragedy

Pairing: Min Yoongi (Lee Yoon) x Female OC (Kalina Shuri)

Warnings: Historical setting, caste system, magic/sorcery, graphic violence, disturbing graphic images, religious tones, angst, slow burn, smut

Previous Chapters: Prologue 01 02 03 04

Links: FAQ || BTS Masterlist || Admin E’s AO3 || [ REQUESTS ARE OPEN ]

Word Count: 2,784

Tag List: @luxekook, @pinkpjmin, @btsaudge, @flowerwrites06, @stillcopingxx, @taevkimchi, @aroseforyoongi, @vivpurple7, @happilystrongthroughthedark, @sw33tnight, @nikkitane, @mini-coop25, @shrimpmsg,

AN: Just a reminder that this series is going to be updated slowly. Please be patient with me. I promise you that it will be worth the wait. If you would like to be added to the tag list, feel free to drop me a line!

P.S. Please bear in mind that while the historical accuracy will be mostly correct, I am setting this in a time period in Joseon history where there was no such thing as a king who had a twin brother. Obviously that’s where the fiction/creative freedom is going to come in. Everything else will be period accurate, trust and believe.

© thebiasrekkers (Admin E). All rights reserved. Reposting/modifying our work is prohibited. Translations are not allowed. Plagiarism/stealing is not tolerated by any means. Legal action will be taken in instances of theft.

“You have to look beyond the mirror to see yourself.” - Kimto Oche Emmanuel

The palace was full of so much noise. Servants were running around, preparing for the banquet that would take place later that afternoon. Yoon wasn’t overly fond of all the fuss and fanfare, but he knew it was something that his parents preferred to indulge in for his sake. He would be making a long journey soon and it would be weeks before he would be able to return home. While he had no doubt that he would be able to reside in comfort at the embassy in Ming, there was the off chance that he would be homesick.

Sighing, he lowered the philosophical text he was perusing in order to give his eyes a break. The weight that sank in the far corner of his heart was knowing that he would not be able to see Kalina as he pleased. Sure, he could send word for her and the sorceress would most likely appear like he wished. But he also knew that she was not a being that would come at every beck and call. She was no pet and he was not her master.

“Cheo-ha! Minister Jang has arrived.”

Lifting his head up, Yoon sat up properly and closed the book. “Show him in.”

The doors to his chambers slid open and he watched the Minister enter. Yoon pulled himself up to a proper standing position, waiting for the minister to bow before he lowered his own head respectfully. The Minister was a fairly tall man, largely built and with a long beard that was well-groomed. Wearing his lavender and opal silk robes, Yoon was curious as to why he was in the palace without his official robes on. It went against palace etiquette and put a hamper on security. 

Simply put: it was pompous and disgraceful.

Yoon then eased himself back down on his silk cushion, a polite smile forming on his face. “Father-in-Law, what brings you to my palace so early in the day?” Yoon peered at his attire, raising his brows in question. “You aren’t wearing your official robes today. Was the Royal Advisory meeting not held this morning?”

Minister Jang stroked his beard and chuckled. “It was, Your Highness. We adjourned early in light of your banquet this afternoon.”

“I see.” Narrowing his eyes, he continued to smile. “Are you stepping out of the palace before the festivities begin?”

“Indeed. I have to retrieve a few things from my estate.” Minister Jang grinned. “Gifts for you, Your Highness.”

Yoon smirked, leaning back until his spine was straight. “What is the occasion? Surely it cannot be because of my trip to Ming?” 

“There are other things to celebrate, Your Highness.” Clearing his throat, he placed a hand on his knee. “Things such as golden opportunities.”

The Crown Prince bit back the urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he placed his hand on his desk, drumming his fingers along the surface. He wouldn’t humor his father-in-law with posturing or feigned curiosities. He was sure the Minister appreciated these things as well. Subtlety was a skill Yoon excelled in, but one Minister Jang sorely lacked.

Taking the hint, the Minister continued. “There are a few merchants in Ming that will attempt to make contact with you a few days after your arrival. They have advice that Your Highness might be eager to hear.”

Yoon’s smile fell slightly. “What makes you so sure, Father-in-law?”

“Cheo-ha,” he said through his smile, “I know how intelligent you are. Even more than everyone else in the palace. You are not ignorant of the strained relations between Ming and Japan.”

Folding his arms across his chest, Yoon expelled a bit of breath from his teeth. “Is this not something that is already in discussion with the Privy Council? Why bring me into this?” 

He already did not like where this conversation was headed. Yoon was merely a Crown Prince, the heir apparent. But he was not king. Having these talks without his father present was borderline treasonous. 

Because it was these sorts of conversations that led to bloodshed within the palace walls.

“Your Highness, don’t you see that His Majesty is testing you?” Minister Jang leaned forward, bracing his hands on both knees. “This is the first step to slowly granting more power into your hands, determining if you are prepared to rule this country.” 

Yoon frowned but said nothing.

“If you do well during this trip, then His Majesty will place foreign relations with Ming entirely at your disposal!”

Suddenly, Yoon slammed his hand on his desk, causing his father-in-law to shrink back a measure. The Minister may have been his elder and also his relative through marriage, but he wouldn’t stand for this underhanded way of speaking to him. This was blatant disrespect to the crown.

However, he didn’t let his anger come unhinged. Not yet. Taking a moment to slowly inhale, he canted his head to the side as a smile returned to his face. It must have unsettled his father-in-law greatly, seeing as how he leaned back away from Yoon. 

“Forgive my rudeness, Father-in-law,” Yoon spoke slowly, his voice dropping a full octave, “but do you intend to use me to secure financial gain in Ming?”

The Minister balked. Having never heard Yoon speak to him in such a manner, his surprise was well-warranted. “S-Seja Cheo-ha!”

Drumming his fingers along the desk, he averted his gaze to peer at the bookshelf on the other side of the room. He removed all expression from his face, save for boredom. Yoon didn’t want to believe the rumors of how sickeningly devious his father-in-law was. But he now heard it straight from the horse’s mouth. 

“You married your daughter off to the Crown Prince, the future King of this country. Doing so allocated you wealth and even your position in court was elevated at the behest of the Crown Princess and out of obligation from the King.” Yoon cut his eyes back to look at the Minister. “And if that wasn’t enough, you now want me to enable you access to Ming’s trading circuit?” A slow smile spread over his lips as he narrowed his eyes. “Tell me, Father-in-law, are you not fond of your head being attached to your neck?”

Genuine fear glossed over the Minister’s eyes as he visibly shuddered. Yoon knew that this wasn’t the normal demeanor he showcased to Minister Jang. In fact, he hardly revealed this side of himself to anyone. He wore the face of a calm, kind and understanding Crown Prince. He was sincerely objective in discussions and open to all manners of opinions to help broaden and strengthen his worldview. He wasn’t the sort to resort to violence to solve problems, preferring diplomacy above all else.

But a fool the Crown Prince was not. 

Anyone who thought otherwise would be in for a world of pain.

And like nothing happened, Yoon put on a happy smile and laughed heartily. “Do not take my words so seriously, Father-in-law! You look as though you are ready to jump off the Golden Mountains as we speak.” Again, he laughed, and the Minister gave a half-hearted chuckle to accompany the pleasant sounds. Once their laughter subsided, he looked pointedly back at the older man. “Ming may be our ally now, but that could always change. It has been proven time and again throughout this nation’s history, has it not? Do not be so quick to join hands with people who have always thought of our country as beneath them.”

The Minister lowered his head. “Forgive my loose lips, Crown Prince.”

“All is well.” Yoon rose from his seat and the Minister quickly followed suit. Gesturing toward the door, he stepped out from around his desk. “I’m sure you haven’t visited the Crown Princess yet. Why don’t we go greet her together before you return to your estate to conduct your business? I’m sure she will be elated to see you.”

“O-Of course, Your Highness.”

Exiting his chambers, they walked side-by-side as the rest of the Crown Prince’s attendants followed closely behind. It truly was a beautiful day and he could only hope for the weather to be just as pleasant for the start of his journey tomorrow. But Kalina predicted that his journey would be fine, so foul weather shouldn’t have been an issue.

“Are you looking forward to the festivities today, Your Highness?”

Yoon peered at the Minister with a curious expression. “Isn’t it just like any other banquet held within the palace? I would have figured you would be bored of them by now.”

Minister Jang chuckled as he stroked his beard. “It is a chance for the people to take a break and celebrate with you.” He placed a hand behind his back. “And there are a group of performance troupes who are going to compete for a slot to perform regularly in the palace.” 

The Crown Prince lofted a brow. “Is that so?”

“Yes, Your Highness,” the Minister said while nodding, “so it will be exceptionally entertaining today.”

“Will I have a hand in this?” He hoped not.

“They will be judged on how well you like each performance, Your Highness. You needn’t do anything extra.”

Yoon smirked, folding his hands behind his back. “Good.”

Taking a deep breath, Yoongi kept his arms extended so that he could balance himself on the tightrope. The other members of the troupe seemed to be holding their breaths, anticipating what he was going to do. Clasped in one hand was a paper fan, unfurled to showcase the black calligraphy stroke for the character “Fate”. The morning sun beat down overhead and a single bead of sweat slid down the bridge of his nose, dangling from the tip and threatening to fall. 

Even though he was several feet off the ground, he could hear the whispered conversations playing out beneath him. Well, for the ones who weren’t focusing on holding their breaths anyway.

“Wow,” a voice said from below, “I can’t believe that he’s never been part of a performance troupe before.”

“He’s good at martial arts though, right? That means he’s got some acrobatic skills naturally.”

“...but how long is he going to just stand there?”

“He hasn’t moved in the last ten minutes.”

“Do you think he’s scared of heights?”

“Idiot! If he was scared, how the hell did he get up there in the first place?!”

“No one helped him?”

“Not that I know of. I think he jumped up there all on his own.”

“Honestly, I can’t hold it in anymore. I’m going to pass out if he doesn’t do something soon.”

“Ya! Min Yoongi! Are you taking us for a ride or are you going to actually do something?!”

Yoongi craned his neck so he could glare down at Seokjin jumbled amongst the troupe. Snapping the fan closed, he pointed it directly at them and everyone grew silent. “Shut your mouth, will you?” He unfurled the fan roughly again and steadied himself. “I’m trying to focus.”

“Oi! Hyung-nim!” Looking down, he saw it was Park Jimin calling up to him this time. There was a bright smile on his face as he gave him two thumbs up. “Just do whatever feels natural. Don’t worry about anything else, alright?”

Sighing, Yoongi nodded and then focused his attention back in front of him. Jimin was right. There was nothing to this. If Namjoon could do it, why couldn’t he? It didn’t matter that he’d sprained his ankle walking up the mountain. The point was that Kim Namjoon could make this tightrope obey his command.

Yoongi would be no different.

Sliding his foot along the rope, the world came to a raw tilt for only a split second. Using his back leg, he launched himself up into the air. He ignored everyone below as they all gasped at how high he sailed into the sky. Throwing his arms back, he felt the warmth of the sun’s rays on his face. Kicking his legs up, Yoongi back somersaulted twice before landing safely back on the tightrope. His entire body trembled as he attempted to stabilize himself. 

The cheers from below encouraged him to keep going. Kicking off the rope, he did a double front flip before he fell onto the rope in a crouched position. He continued to keep his arms extended, the fan perfectly held open as he wobbled back and forth on the tightrope. Rolling forward, he curled his legs under him and bounced back off the rope again, curling his body and angling it to the side until he did a perfect dismount off the rope and onto the grass. The speed of his descent was used to roll his body until he was safely brought to a halt by his right knee.

Taehyung screamed in delight as he raced over to Yoongi’s side, Hoseok and Jungkook not far behind him as they began patting his shoulders furiously in praise. He scratched at his nose, feeling a soft warmth creep around his cheeks as the rest of the troupe members all crowded around him, telling him how wonderful of a job he did.

“You’re a natural at this, Yoongi-ah,” Seokjin said as he patted his head, causing him to frown slightly, “maybe you should convince your father to let you come off the mountain and join the troupe.”

Yoongi batted his hand away as Jimin took the fan from his hand. “Quiet, you.”

“Seriously, he’s not wrong, Hyung-nim!” Taehyung was practically beaming. “You’re a natural at this!”

He didn’t know what to say in response to his words so he cleared his throat loudly instead. 

Namjoon clapped a hand on Yoongi’s shoulder, giving it a gentle shake. “You’re a lifesaver, Hyung-nim. We would’ve been in big trouble without your help.”

His brows furrowed slightly as he eyed the bandage around Namjoon’s ankle. “Are you going to be alright?”

“I’ll be fine,” said Namjoon, a grin pulling at the corner of his mouth, “keep it up and they’ll replace me with you in no time.”

Hoseok laughed loudly. “We could never replace you! You’re important!”

A sigh escaped Namjoon’s lips as he shifted his eyes toward the grass. “I feel like I let you guys down.”

Jimin placed a comforting hand on the back of Namjoon’s neck, giving it a firm shake. “Stop that, Hyung-nim. These things happen.” He lifted his gaze to peer at Yoongi who blinked back at him in mild surprise. “Yoongi Hyung-nim is here to pick up the slack just for today.” He turned to face Namjoon. “But you have to make up for it as soon as you’re all better, okay?”

Namjoon said nothing. He only gave a weak smile until Taehyung came barreling through, his arms draping over Jungkook and Yoongi’s necks. They both stumbled forward, grunting at how hard he threw his own body against theirs. “Practice is done, right?” Everyone mumbled something akin to ascent and he flashed his trademark boxy smile at them. “Then let’s hit the city and get a drink!”

Seokjin rolled his eyes as he folded his arms across his chest. “You haven’t even performed yet.”

“Aw, c’mon. Nothing wrong with a little pre-performance celebration, right?” Taehyung shook Jungkook and Yoongi's shoulders again for good measure. “It’ll loosen us up.”

Hoseok pouted. “You just want an excuse to drink. You’re hopeless.”

Managing to pry himself away from Taehyung, Yoongi was about to catch his breath until something fell on top of his head. Suddenly everyone else was obscured from view, save for the few slivers of light that managed to peek through the straw. Tilting his head, he craned his neck to see Jimin was now bent over, peering up at him from under the hat.

“What’s this?” Yoongi removed the hat off his head, taking note of the wide and angled brim. 

“It's for when we’re walking around the city streets.” Jimin smiled. “You’re worried about running into your father while in the Capital, right?”

Eyeing the hat for a moment, Yoongi replaced the item back onto his head. It was wide and dipped low, which meant that it would perfectly conceal his face. Until he could securely cover his face with the mask during the performance at the palace, this would ensure that no one could recognize him while they were meandering through the crowds. Tilting the brim back, he flashed a small grin toward Jimin who merely laughed at how embarrassed he probably appeared.

“Thanks, Jimin-ah.”

Leaving their horses to graze in the fields, they all raced toward the Crown City gates - mentally preparing themselves for what excitement lay beyond.

[magicalmisstemi]

Character Intro

“I run on chaos, drama and way to much booze, however I do function better than anyone of you in this room.” 

Name: Robyn Tarao

Title: Queen of Spades

Gender/pronouns: Male (he/him)

WIP: Chronicles of Alyria

Robyn Tarao is a recurring character in the wip Chronicles of Alyria. He was born in Scasco in MiraGarria. Robyn is usually described as a bit of a bitch in the best way possible, he can come off a sweet in a sickly, fake way at first due to how he was raised, but if you get to know him he’s actually kinda mean in a nice, friendly way however he never seaks out to intentuonally hurt people he's just a bit awkward with sharing his emotions and would rather put up a fake unbothered attitude than tell you how he feels but that’s slowly breaking away. Clubs were raised to be coy and sly, they put up a mask in front new people and an air of formality and politeness around those who they don’t trust, Robyn is no different. He was raised in a house with multiple tutors, maids and mentors molding him into the vision his parents saw for him. He is good friends with few people and tends to be a bit closed off, the one of the few people that really get him are Crystal,his best friend and the queen of diamonds, they are very open and easily excitable with a sort of childlike love for people that Robyn finds very refreshing. he also really trusts Lewis and even Dominique.

“He waits for a reaction filing everything you say in his mind, sorting through every word, picking at to see if it’s anything he can use. You cant do the same with him though, he’s a club, everything he say? calculated to the T. it’s kinda scary”

Robyn is a heavily calculated individual and he hates it,  Clubs are raised to be calculated everything they say will go through multiple screening processes in their mind before they say it. Everything a club says should be taken with a grain of salt.  Robyn wants to change that but in the politics of nobility he knows honestly seldom gets you many places, he admires Dominique's ability to speak her mind i any situation. 

“Dominique, Queen of spades you are one of the few people I respected, cherish that.”

Robyn has a lot of respect for Dominique, he admires her ability to stand on her own two feet without the approval of others around her, she admires her stubborn determination (a traits clubs appreciate) to always say what’s on her mind and he admires her ability to stick to her gut feeling even if it isn't pleasant. Dominique is one of the few people he trusts even if she doesn’t completely trust him. he values her friendship and considers himself lucky to have her around.

"I can feel their eyes on me wherever I go it may just be the thing to drive me to madness."

Robyn had a very odd relationship with his parents. His mother and father are very protective of him, he has to follow certain rules set for his "protection" , he has multiple guards around him even at home, they make sure to have a tracking spell on him whenever he's going somewhere without guards. His parents also have high expectations of him expecting him to always come out on top which does lead to Robyn experiencing high tense pressure and stress especially when it comes to the election.

"Address me as you're Highness I might as well use this title to my sweet pleasure"

Robyn has a sort of indifference to being queen of clubs. He takes the election seriously because it's what his parents expect of him and he know how serious of a competition it is but he really sees winning the election as a way to get his parents of his back. He knows that even if he doesn’t win he will never stop wanted to improve MiraGarria because that’s how much he loves it.

"We are simply two people in an intimate relationship where we both get something we need, for me it's excitement, for him it's pleasure."

Lewis is one of Robyn's many ways of secretly breaking his parents many rules but this one is really risky. Robyn didn't expect himself to actually fall in love with him it was just meant to be a one time thing for quick excitement but Lewis is someone special that Robyn doesn't want to let go off. Lewis is a chemist in the city of dove who works part-time as a bartender in the inner city. Robyn  thinks he’s the most exciting thing in the world, he loves everything about his life because of how much different it is from his own, his personality is different and in some ways even crude and it’s so much more interesting than the formalities Robyn has to deal with in his everyday life, he does sometimes find it very hard to be open with him cause of how awkward he can be and he secretly hopes Lewis knows how much he loves him. Robyn has toyed with the idea of running away with Lewis but in his own words, “I’m a Queen, not a princess I don’t run away from my problems I face them.. it’s just not the right time.”

Magic

Robyn is considered a prodigy in many things, magic isn’t one of those things, well at least compare to Dominique or even Crystal. he is very talented at potions but his magic is very scholarly and not to creative. But Lewis is helping him in that department.

Main stories

he is a primary character in

Long live the red queen

Mind over Matter

To Remy with love, e.t.c

@zburatorii @saxoniowrites @fantasy-shadows @andiwriteunderthemoon

[franeridart]

Anon said: YOU DREW SERVAMP AS WELL??? JUST IN HOW MANY OF MY FANDOMS ARE YOU OH MY GOD I FEEL SO BLESSED I COULD CRY

Aw man, sort of, yeah!! I can’t say I’m actively into the fandom anymore, since I’ve lost track of the translations for the manga and I’m definitely behind at least a dozen chapters, but !!!!!!!!!! yeah man I love servamp it’s such a good manga TT^TT

Anon said: Ok since you like fire force *slides $20 bill* can you draw some Shinra x Arthur?

Whoops, sorry but I don’t ship it just yet! (might happen? might not?? we’ll have to wait and see what Okubo has planned for my poor heart this time around) but! hold that thought and the $20 cause I might actually open up commissions soon enough if my money situation doesn’t change, so!! >:3c

Anon said: do you think kirishima would be taller and bigger than bakugou in the future?

My ideal adult!KrBk are the ones I posted a few days ago, so!! Not really, I prefer them remaining more or less the same size as each other, just different body types - exactly as they are right now in the manga, just !!!! adult!!!!!!!!

Anon said: I Just want to say: I totaly love your content! Your Art is amazing and full of life 🥰 You are my fav. KiriBaku artist on hole Tumblr. My fav. part is your Fantasy AU art. I fucking love dragon Kiri and his king. But i really like your full content. Pls keep going!

Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!! (TT^TT)<3<3<3 I’m glad you like my stuff this much!!!!!!!!! 

Anon said: Just wondering, do you like any femslash ships in BHNA? If so, which ones!!

I do!!!!! MomoJirou and MinaJirou are def favs of mine, and I dunno the ship name but Kendou and Yui got my heart beating really fast, ngl <3<3 there’s something in the aesthetic of it, it just gets to me! Also Nejire and Yuyu, such a good ship (oTT^TT)9

Anon said: Heya, sorry for this stranger call. I just wanna ask if i could use your Kiribaku Comics for comic-dubbing. If i post it on social Websites i will give credits to you of course. I'll wait for a answer. I couldn't ask you that per dm so I need to doing it here

I’d prefer it if you didn’t, sorry!

Anon said: Reading your essay about bakugo finally things into place!! Thank you!!! I guess I just didn't fully grasp the whole "he expects you to just get it". He IS a character that requires more than a cursory glance to figure out and i love that about him! And i love the endearing things he does like you said, especially his unexpectedly great fashion sense. Personally another thing that gets overlooked about him is how smart he actually is. He doesn't just go BOOM BOOM all the time. He a smart boi.

I find like the whole “he says one thing and expects people to understand another” is made pretty clear in the arc right after the overhaul one, even if I think it was present enough before then too - but in that arc he says one thing, and then another character says a thing that has nearly nothing to do with what he said, and he goes “that’s what I said!” and when he explains what he meant with the first thing he said it makes it clear that he just, has a terrible, horrible way of expressing himself that’s way more aggressive than what he actually means? He’s been doing this since the start, going around yelling die and I’ll blow you up at things and people and then when he goes to act on it his actions turn out to be way milder than what he said ????

but yeah!!! it’s made more clear the further we go in the story and that’s one thing I really really love about him hahaha

Anon said: It's not that you put Baku's ring on the wrong hand, is that Baku is too much of a rebel to use the ring in the traditional hand! :D

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ll take it!!!! 

Anon said: I seriously just come back to your blog sometimes to go through your art and it's like straight up drinking happy positive energy I'm in LOVE with the way you portray both Bakugo and Kirishima and their relationship and the rest of the boys and it's such a blessing and a delight and I feel like I will never be able to be thankful enough. Thank you for sharing your beautiful art with us, thank you for sharing your throughts, thank you for sharing your love for these two boys. Thank you 💕

You are!!!! Too kind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (TTATT) thank you for being so genuinely wonderful to me!!! and thank you for liking my stuff this much, it means the world to me!!!! <3<3

Anon said: I just read your Bakugo answer to that anon and honestly, there's so much love in it to be fair it obviously shows throught your art as well but reading that made me tear up a little. What an amazing character. What an amazing BOY I love him too thank you for sharing your thoughts and your amazing art you are one of my favorite artists in the fandom and I'm so glad you love him as much as you do and I hope it makes you as happy as it makes me when I look at your art 💕💕

GOSH thank YOU for loving him as much as he deserves, honestly!!! He’s such a wonderful character and has been making me happy for so long now!!!!! (TT^TT)<3<3

Anon said: I legit don't understand why people are taking things out of proportions I can assure you nothing outside of the usual squabble is going on in bnha fandom.There are some assholes on both sides but I think that since most of us haven't actually 'seen' it and just 'heard' of it means it's not exactly as prominent as they're making it out to be, probably just the assholes being assholes to each other exclusively, so please don't worry about it,they're messing up their own enjoyment of fandom really

I don’t really know what brought this ask on, to be honest!! But as things stand I have withnessed people being very, very horrible to others lately inside the bnha fandom (and obviously, specifically between ships) so! there’s that! then again it’s also true that the bigger a fandom gets the more easily rude people will find their way in it, so I guess it’s just something you learn to live with if you want to stay in the fandom - personally, I’m just doing my best to stay in my corner and draw my sappy comics without bothering anyone hahaha

Anon said: Just here to say that your art is like, my life at this point because I would be like big depression if I hadn’t found your blog. Not to rant but my week has been an absolute hell and your art makes me feel so much better and just please keep drawing because this means the absolute world to me ok thanks bye.

THANK YOU!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so SO glad I can help your mood even just a bit, that’s really all I try to do with my doodles T^T fix my own mood, and maybe if I’m lucky help someone else along the way <3

Anon said: this may be all over the place, but I have the need to thank you? I was feeling very bad and down tonight, full on anxiety but I turned some music on and started going through your account and it calmed me down. I cant even count how many times I've gone through probably your whole account and just... thank you. your posts are so unique and funny and pretty and just sososo beautiful. I love how you built up bakugou and kirishima's characters and their relationship. just sososo beautiful.

Gods, you guys are going to make me cry for real (TTATT) you’re!!!! too nice!!!! again, I’m so happy to hear my doodles can help you feel better!!! I hope your days have been better <3<3<3

Anon said: So I keep rereading your latest kiribaku comic and its so fucking soft and I'm cry. It's so perfect and I just, it makes me so soft and happy every time I see it. It's honestly goals. I love ALL of your comics tbh, like, they're literally all perfect. Please continue to be your wonderful self!!!!

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!! thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! asks like this one are the reason why I keep sharing what I draw!!!!! <3<3<3<3

[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

The Masterlist of Masterlists

Just a collection of all my works :D

Supernatural:

Destiel:

All For A Buck        -  Dean and Cas must work together to raise the newest addition to the Winchester family, and it might just end up brining them together in the end.

A Magic Kingdom Love       - “An AU where Dean and Cas are both working for Disney and have been cast as the very first gay princes. And at first they hate each other but it’s hard to pretend you’re in love all day for sweet, shy kids, and then not make out under the bridge of the magic kingdom castle.”

Mountain High        -  Suddenly taken from his own home and flown god knows where in the dark, Dean Winchester finds himself thrown into something he could never have imagined in his wildest dreams.

Pas De Deux        -  Dean is a closeted ballet dancer, and Cas is playing the Nutcracker Prince in the Kansas State Ballet. When the ballet loses their Clara and Cas confronts Dean about taking the part along side him, will he be able to put aside his fears and let everyone know who he really is? All to help the man of his dreams?

Screw It, I Love You        -  This is based of this post I saw the other day, find it HERE. It’s about Cas being newly human and Dean leaving him reminder notes all over the bunker.

Slash Fiction (part 1 of series)        -  Following the boys as they continue their journey, saving people, hunting things, the family business. This trip finds them in Kalamazoo, Michigan, at the famous Henderson Castle. With the help of on old friend and the return of a beloved character, the boys find themselves facing something they have never faced before, and have to find a way to stop it once and for all, with a little improvisation.

So Much for Movie Night        -  The boys finally get a night off from hunting, and Sam's planned solo movie night unfortunately does not go at all how he had hoped it would.

Sounds of Someday (part 1 of series)        -   Sam was dead, Cas was lost forever, and Dean’s entire world had been turned upside down in less than an instant. He was alone, again, a typical Winchester ending, but god damn if that was how he was going to leave it. He was going to get Sam back, he was going to get Cas back, and he was going to fix everything that had fallen apart, and now he was going to do it all with twin babies and the king of hell back on his side. Season sixteen… here we go.

That We Do         -  Dean and Cas meet at a civil war reenactment when Dean is forced to go for his father's birthday. Despite Dean's original sour attitude about the idea, he finds something there that was definitely worth going for.

The Ever Handsome and Always Charming Dean Winchester        -   A perfectly simple Dean and Cas wedding!

The Nual’ Family Onion        -  Dean had lived in Lawrence, Kansas his entire life. Born and raised. In his twenty-six years in the beautiful city, he lived a wonderful life surrounded by the amazing people who lived there, many of them becoming family over the years. After high school, he started working for his uncle Bobby at his mechanics shop and fell into a comfortable routine. He still lived at home with his parents, John and Mary Winchester, and for the foreseeable future, Dean had no intentions of changing that. Until he saw him.

The Thing About Blind Dates        - Dean Winchester was perfectly happy with his life. He lived alone, though most days his house was filled with the accompaniment of his little brother and his brother’s new boyfriend, and that suited Dean just fine.But even now, as Dean sat back against the couch, watching the newest season of Animal Kingdom, cold beer in hand while Sam and Gabe cuddled next to him, he couldn’t really say he was anything but satisfied. That is… until Sam and Gabe decided he wasn’t.

Wish You Were Here        -  Sam’s got a date, Cas is fixing Heaven, and Dean Winchester is sitting miserably in his motel room, alone. So he decides to see if Cas wants to have a little fun over the phone.

****************

Lost

Jawyer:

Lost in a Dream        -   Jack Shephard was never one to believe in psychics, or fortune telling, or visions of the future. But when he starts dreaming of flight 815 crash landing on an unknown island, and all the events that follow, he cant help but start to wonder if maybe he should start believing. Especially when his flight home turns into just the nightmare he had worried it would. Though, this time around, a few things are very different, or rather a few people.

****************

Star Trek:

Mckirk:

Clans        -  Jim goes on his usual hunt and everything's going fine, or so he thinks. Until things take an unexpected turn and he finds himself the house guest of a group of people he thought to be extinct. Now, Jim has to decide what his next move will be, doing what he knows is right by his family, or only thinking of himself and possibly putting his entire family in danger.

Lost in Translation        -  “Attention citizens. This is the crew of the Enterprise asking for your aid. On Stardate 2264.78 a shuttle manned by our captain and fourteen cadets was ambushed by an unknown source and chased out of sight of our ship and into open space. Those cadets as well as our captain, James Tiberius Kirk, are still missing. We are asking anyone with any information on their whereabouts, or regarding the attack, to please contact the Enterprise immediately. Our family would appreciate any assistance you can give.”

Spirk:

Maiden Voyage (part 1 of series)        -  "Jim's past was just that, his past, or so he thought. He had made it through to graduation and only had six months of placement standing between him and his captains chair, but he never thought he would see her again. He thought he was past this, past her, now what was he supposed to do? Could they really just go back to the way things were, will placement with her even be bearable, will the crew be able to stand together and face their newest foe and live to tell the tale? Jim could only hope, because right now that's about all he’s got."

****************

Avengers:

Stucky:

Second Chances        - This is sort of an endgame fix, with a dash of Stucky. The story takes place after Thanos has been defeated, the war won, and the world returned back to its natural order. Standing on the battlefield, relieved and thankful that it was all finally over and they could rest. But in their moment of peace, Steve and Bucky suddenly find themselves in a very tricky situation, one they definitely have not been trained to handle.

The Way We Were Suppose To Be        -  Two years after defeating Thanos, Steve finds himself faced with a harsh reality. Because of his decision to stay in the past with Peggy and finally give himself the life he thought he had always wanted, Nick Fury returns to face him with a daunting truth. With the world’s timeline in disarray, it’s up to Steve to return to the past and restore the world to its natural order. Unfortunately it means that the all American hero has to sacrifice his heart and soul to save the world once again. And although Steve thinks that his one chance at a happy life had passed, who knows what the new future holds, perhaps… everything he had been searching for was right there all along.

Steve Rogers X OFC

Storm (part 1 of series)        - The avengers have just defeated Ultron, a much needed victory for the weary team, but another storm is coming their way. A new member joins the team and has some very unexpected effects on everyone, especially the Captain himself, Steve Rogers.Secrets are revealed, scars revisited, and new wounds formed as they battle one of their toughest and most personal battles yet. All they can do is hope this wont be their breaking point…

****************

Final Fantasy:

Noctis x OFC:

At Lucis End (part 1 of series)        - A treaty. A light at the end of the tunnel that King Regis had been staring down for years. A proposal. A wedding that stands to save the lands. A betrayal. That could tear it all down. And a love. So strong yet so torn.The war between Lucis and Niflheim could come to an end, but much will have to be sacrificed along the way. And in the end, would it even be enough? Would the loss of life, love, and family be enough to save the people of Lucis? Or will it all come crumbling down in the end?

****************

CSI:

Greg x Nick:

Love Undercover        -  In part one of this series, Nick and Greg get sent on a special undercover mission by Grissom and Brass, an undercover mission as a couple at an all exclusive couples resort. Their mission is to find their targets and keep them safe while maintaining the illusion that they are a happily married couple, but they may end up finding more then they bargained for while at Lovers Lane Resort.

****************

Criminal Minds:

Spencer Reid x Aaron Hotchner:

I Loved Him... Once        -   A series following the team as they solve crimes and take down the bad guys.    In Part one of this series, we follow the team as they take down a serial killer that has taken a piece of one of their own. And through it all, Spencer and Hotch come to a few conclusions and realizations of their own.

[skzm7]

MOBEIUS

BEEZLEBUB’S PURPLE KISS

BUBBLED UP TO SCAR

ITCHIN’ WITH SOMEONE’S SIN

FIRED UP IMPLODING FIST

FEELIN’ FEINT K.O.’ED

SCARLET STAMPED CRAZY! KID

USELESS SHADOW BOXING WALL IS NUMB

JAB HOOK UPPERCUT WHO?

THERE’S A HELTER SKELTER IN SKY CITY

COUNTDOWN TIL IT CLICKS KID

YOU GOT A BAD CASE OF 

WACKO BONKERS LOOPY!

TEN NINE EIGHT

HEY SEVEN

HEYSIX 

WAKE UP FIVE 

COME BACK TO EARTH

PUT ON FOUR YOUR 

THINKING CAP THREE AND GLOVES

ROUND 2 FIGHT!

WIPE OFF THAT STICK

GET YOUR BOTTLE OF LIGHTNING

THROW IT TO THE GROUND

CRACK IT OPEN

YOU’RE TOO BRILLIANT TO BE KEPT IN

LET THE LIONS ROAR LOOSE

FILL UP THE STADIUM

THE MAN WITHIN

DOESN’T GET OUT YOUR ILL

BOX THE OLD WOUNDS DREAMING

AND GET REAL

FALLOUT OF MEMORIES

ROOTED TO FEELINGS

CHAINSAW! HAHAHA

I‘M YOUR SECOND COMING!

SLIDE ON MY LIPS

ENJOY LIKE MANY

THE GRAND CHESSBOARD

OF EBONY AND IVORY

IT’S IN YOUR NATURE

TO GIVE YOURSELF IN

I THINK YOUR SMILE 

HAS TOO MANY TEETH 

FOR A SALESMAN

DING DING ROUND

3, MIND IS MESSY

BODY SO ORPHAN THIN

YOU CAN SEE THE HEARTBREAK 

THROUGH THE SKIN

I CAN DO THIS SO WHY AM I TRIPPING?

BANANA SLIP HEAD SPLITTING

BRAIN FREEZE NO ICE CREAM

BUSY B’S SHADOW BECKONS ME DIVE IN

I WRITHE I WRESTLE I CAVE IN

I KNOW BETTER BUT I’M TOO BUSY DYING

NO ONE SEES MY HEAD’S PURPLE FIRE

DROWNING UNDER THE SURFACE

THESE CANNOT BE MY LAST WORDS

THESE CANNOT BE MY LAST!?

THIS CANNOT BE MY LAST CHANCE

THIS CANNOT BE MY LAST

GASP!

ENTER YOUR UTOPIA

THROUGH THIS GLASS OF MIND

KALEIDOSCOPE VISUAL

TAKE THE CLOCK WITH YOU

SIT ON MY LAP GOOD BOY!

SANTA’S LIST IS INSTANT HERE

YOU’RE A NEW BORN PHENOMENON

NO CREDIT CARD HISTORY

NO RESPONSIBILITY

NO RISK IN THIS

LABYRINTH OF VISIONARY

I’LL HOLD YOUR HAND

I’LL BE YOUR CANARY

FORGET BEING A VICTIM OF CONSCIENCE

WHEN RELIVING YOUR PAST IS SO

M MM MMM DEEEELICIOUS!

AND YOUR LOVED ONES ON EARTH

DON’T NEED YOU ANYWAY

THIS IS WHERE YOU ALWAYS WIN

HERE’S A SICKLE

PLAY GOLF WITH YOUR ENEMIES HEADS

IT’LL TICKLE

HEY WHERE AM I WHAT THE

HELL AM I DOING?

GOING FOR A BIRDIE

CAN ANYBODY HEAR ME?

IN THIS BERMUDA TRIANGLE ZOO

HOURS AND SENSES WHAT DID I DO?

MY COMPASS TURNED INTO A U

DIDN’T REALISE I WAS SO BAD

MAD REVENGE NEVER ENDS

NOW I GOT A CLUE HOW IT STARTED

BECAUSE YOU WERE A COWARD

AND YOU DIDN’T HAVE A CHOICE

HERE YOU HAVE A VOICE

NO! YOU’RE THE PLACEBO EFFECT GONE WRONG

THOUGHT IT WAS WORKING WHEN IT’S BROKE

DIAMOND MIND REFLECT IN STEAD OF WOKE

BECAUSE YOU’RE SICK

AND THIS IS YOUR SONG

WHAT’S THE POINT PLAYING

IF YOU CAN NEVER LOSE A GAME

TIME’S UP WHERE’S THE GONG

YOUR AUCTION IS UP AND

BONG! YOU’RE SOLD

I GOT SO DARK I FORGOT THE SUN

BECAUSE THE NIGHT IS MORE FUN

WHERE’S THE ALARM WHERE’S THE PINCH?

RING RING! IT’S GROUNDHOG DAY BITCH!

ROUND 4 SAW THE PEN AS MIGHTIER

BUT WHAT’S THE POINT OF WORDS

WHEN MONSTERS ONLY HEAR

THE POINT OF THE SWORD

I DECLARE WAR!

LIFT EXCALIBER FROM THE STONE

RECLAIM THE THRONE

IT’S MY RIGHT TO OWN

START A QUEST TO SLAY AND SLICE

THESE SNAKES HISS IN MY HAIR AND DICE

I’VE PAID THE PRICE MEDUSA VANITY

LET’S DESTROY THIS PLACE

WITH DYNAMITE SANITY

DOES YOUR MIND SWIM IN PURPLE FIRE HM?!

MY BURNING EFFIGY?

WRITHING AGONY

WINDOW SHOPPING WAYS TO VICTORY

LAY IN BED CONTINUE THE LIE

WITH NARCISSISTIC OCD

PARANOID ANDRIOD DELUSION DEFICIENCY

SHOOORYUUUUKEN!

GETTING DESPERATE ARE WE?

COULD I INTEREST YOU IN AN ALTER EGO?

OR ARE YOU ALREADY FULL OF YOURSELVES MY DEAR?

WELL YOU’RE HARD TO IGNORE

FLIPSIDE OF THE COIN

YOU’RE THE PASSENGER

I GOT THE RADIO

SEE I REMEMBER

BEING DEALT A BAD HAND 

FROM THE REALER

MADE ME LEAVE THE TABLE

BECAME MY OWN DEALER

BUT ALL I KNEW WAS THE BAD HAND

KEPT ON PLAYING WONDERLAND

DOUBLED DOWN ON WHAT IF’S 

INSTEAD OF I WILL

CLIMB OUTTA THE RABBIT HOLE

BRACE YOURSELF BUSY B

THIS MIGHT HURT A LITTLE

YOU’RE GONNA NEED A PLASTER

‘CAUSE I’M WELDING PETER VENKMAN’S GHOSTBUSTER ZAPPER

YAWN I’M CROSSING THE STREAMS

PAWN TO TURN INTO A KING

ROUND 5

BLACK ALWAYS LAUGH’S LAST

BECAUSE WHITE MOVES FIRST

TO FALL INTO THE TRAP

TIPPY TOES TO THIS BUZZ

FADE YOU HYPNOTIC TO WHO AM I? FUZZ

SEND YOU FIRST CLASS TO WHERE ICE BURNS

WORSE BEFORE I GET BETTER

WHERE HEAVY IS THE HOLLOW

WHERE AGONYS END’S 

IMPOSSIBLE TO FOLLOW

WHERE SOULS ARE SPLIT TO LICK

SWEET SICK TO SWALLOW

WEAKER BEFORE I GET STRONGER

ABORT THE PLAN

REWIND ESCAPE ATTEMPTS

MICE OF MAN

HEY THE TRAP IS LOOSE BUT

I WILL WIN

CIRCUMSTANCE SNIP! OOPS SORRY!

CIRCUMCISION MISSED THE CUT

BALLS GOT LOST WITH THE MARBLES

KERPLUNK!

I WILL SWIM

SIX DRINKS DEEP

WALKING AUTOPSY TURVY

IMPRESS AN INVISIBLE AUDIENCE

AND LOOK AT ME! TROPHY

I WILL MAKE SENSE

I WILL BECOME KING

YOUR BODY’S OUT OF ORDER

TAKE THE STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN

FIND AIZEN AT THE DOOR

TAKE A TEARS HINT YOU’RE GOING DOWN

WHERE NEVER IS THE FLOOR

THIS IS EASY PULL OUT THE STITCH

I CAN BAMBOOZLE YOU SO MUCH

I’M INSIDE OUT LETS SWITCH

JUPITER CAN YOU SEE THE SPOT I’M IN?

I’VE BEEN UP AND DOWN

WITH CHOICE AND REASON

NOTICE PICKING NOTHING

NEVER BEEN IN SEASON

FASHION DISASTER

THIS MAN WENT MISSING IN ACTION

SAVE THE MILK CARTON 

TAKE YOUR PSYCHO STAMP AND COLLAR

I’LL GET US HELP KISS IT BETTER 

MAKE US SOUND

THIS YO-YO SOUL’S TURNED THE TABLES A

ROUND! 6 I’M ALWAYS BESIDE

A PART OF PERSONALITY

MOBEIUS SHYS

UNTIL IT MADE ME

MEMORY WITH A TWIST OF FANTASY

SOON GAVE ME A VOICE OF MALICE

NOW IT’S MY TURN TO EAT WONDERLAND’S ALICE

AND WITH PURPLE STAINED LIPS MWAH!

PIERCE THIS PSYCHIC PLACE RAW

SHOUT HALLEYUYAH AND A REST IN PEACE

SO PRINCE BEEZLEBUB CAN RISE TO THE SEAT

ALL THE WOMEN I WANT TO KISS

ALL THE MEN I WANT TO KICK

THIS WORLD I WANT TO RULE

I’M THE ONE WHOS GONA LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER FUCK

YOUUUAAAYOURRRCANTRRDOGGTHISHHHWITHHHHOUTHHMYAASAYSO!

ROUND 7!!!

THISISMYSCREAMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

I’LL BE MY OWN HERO

LET ME LIVE GET MY SOUL SURE

FIND A GOOD HAND

TO RAISE ME UP

MAKE A STAND

BE WHOLE ONCE MORE

SPEAK THE TRUE

BREAK MOBEIUS’ ILLUSION

DOUBT WHAT NO ONE ELSE SENSES - FAITH IN ABILITY

WHEN THEY SWAP SEATS ON BELIEFS SEESAW

YOU’LL KICK YOUR OWN ASS 

AND STROKE YOUR ELBOW

RECREATING EVENTS LOST MY

MEMORYS LOGIC OF WHAT’S NEXT

MOVE FORWARD OR BE

STUCK IN THE MUD WITH YOUR INVISIBLE FRIEND?

THINK I FOUND MY HAPPY THOUGHT

HEY PIXIE I CAUGHT MY SHADOW

SORRY I SPLIT LICKEDY LET’S GO

BUSY B AIN’T GOING DOWN EASY

BORN A FIGHTER FROM CHAOS FIRE

ORIGINAL PRIMORDAL METAPHYSICAL DESIRE

RESISTANCE IS FUTILE KID JUST RETIRE

THIS IS MY POWER THIS IS MY HOUR

TO TAKE BACK WHO I AM

AND GET OUTTA L.A.’S TRAFFIC JAM

DISCOVERY IS THE WISH OF THE SOUL

ROAD RAGE BREAK OUT INEVITABLE

NO ONE CAN SOLVE THIS ALONE

IF YOU ARE YOUR OWN PROBLEM

I’M THE MYSTERIOUS WAY

CAVE TO MY SAY

IN HERE I’M KING

I’M THE PURPOSE

YOU’RE THE HORSE

YOU SERVE ME

LOOK UP AS YOU

BOW BEFORE BUB

RATHER TAKE ON THE WORLD

BRAVE DON’T FEAR THE GRAVE

FACE THE MUSIC

FACE THE ENEMY

ANSWER’S ALREADY HERE

SEEING GHOULS OF DEMISE

OR ANGELS IN DISGUISE

ONLY THAT YOU DECIDE

NO ONE EVER FAUGHT FOR YOU

I WAS TEACHING YOU HOW TO FIGHT

ALL YOU NEEDED IS THE SIGHT

WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET

WALLS OF STEEL AND STONE ARE A WEAK PRISON

MIRRORED WALLS OF SKIN AND BONE

THEY’VE DONE THEIR JOB PRETTY

SURE YOU’RE TOO LATE THIS IS

ALL MINE FOR THE TAKING

MY HEART’S PURE

YOU CAN’T PUNCH THIS LIGHT

OUT OF MY FUTURE

EITHER SHAKE MY HAND OR EAT MY FIST

STEP BACK INTO THE RING

LET’S SEE WHAT YOU GOT KID

THINK I’M GONNA BE ALRIGHT

I GOT WORK TO DO

LET’S FIGHT!

***

From “The Silent Album”

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08DHMQ673

[arthurflecksgirl]

STOMPIN ON A DREAM *erotic Arthur Fleck short story *

Arthur Fleck and Reader

Involves: mental hospital, mental illness, sex

It was a quiet night in Arkham state hospital.

The only noise that was quietly floathing through the air was someone humming a song. Not loud, but still noticeable from the other side of the door. Doctor Finn didnt payed much attention to it. The patient with the case number 064823 did it since he came here 7 months ago. He always seemed to live in his own world. Most days it doesnt even seem to bother him that he is locked up in here. Thats how it seemed. But you knever know how it looks like on the inside of the patients heads. Especially when it came to Arthur Fleck.

He was very nice most of the time, not paying much attention to the other patients. Unless he wants to tell some jokes he just wrote down in his messy looking journal he carried with him everywhere he goes. Even to the bathroom. The doctors checked the diary daily, to make sure its fine for him to have it with him.  All in all he was one of the most quiet patients, which doesnt mean that the doctors felt comfortable around him. He was still an unsolved mysterie to them. Even to himself. Always in his own world but still observing. Always daydreaming, talking to himself but still having the presence  of someone who can change not only his but your own reality within a second. Some new doctor even left weeks ago because she was so drawn in by his presence, she was afraid to fall in love with him. Even though he never even talked to her or even noticed her. The intense look in his green eyes, the smirk on his face and the scar on his upper lip which made him look unpredictable and vulnerable at the same time was too much for her to handle. He was in his mid 30ies, his face slightly weathered but insanly attractive. You could hear him dancing through the hallways some nights, always playing a song in his head. His slim body moving graceful, light as a feather. Always an undefinable  expression on his face. A very beautiful but somehow broken man with a traumatic childhood. And alone. Always alone.

Arthur was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling in his white room. White exept for the red , big, messy written letters at which he was staring at.

"I thought of quitting baby, but my heart just ain`t gonna buy it"

He was closing his eyes. The red letters were still there. Now with a black background.

"Quitting" stood out now. The letters started to vibrate in his head. He got nerveaus, so he tried to calm himself down by humming the words. "I thought of quitting baby..." his voice as soft as his hands. His lips shaking a bit while trying to concentrate "...but my heart just aint gonna buy it...." his hands checking his chest, if he still had a heartbeat "...and if I´d think it was worth one single try..." he felt his heart beating, so he must have been still alive. "I`d ride on a big bird and then i´d fly". He opened his eyes. The letters were still there on the ceiling. Bt they stopped moving. He wasnt sure if it was a good thing that his heart was still beating. So many times he wished for it to stop. Just to  get rid of all the darkness around him. Of all the blood. Like the blood onthe ceiling which stared down at him. Judging him.

He tried to remember why he even came here. Why he spent the last months in this room. But nothing came to mind.  He looked at his wrists and noticed some cigarette burns. Maybe he tried to hurt himself. Maybe thats why he got locked up. He checked his wrists for more. No scars. "Who knows" he whispered to himself as the door suddenly opened and Dr Finn came in.

"Good morning Mr. Fleck. Could you please starting to get ready? Today is your day, remember? You can go home."

Arthur kept staring at the ceiling "Maám?"

"Yes Mr. Fleck?"

"Why havent you cleaned the ceiling? The bloody letters made me nerveaus all night"

The young doctor with her long, black hair smiled "Thats no blood, Mr. Fleck. You took a lipstick and wrote it two days ago. We cleaned it so many times but you still keep writing it again"

"I see. Its...its my fave song, you know?"

"Mr. Fleck did you hear what I told you? You can now pack your stuff and go home. But no hurry, just take your time, okay?"

The door closed as Arthurs mind wandered again.

He closed his eyes.

"Hey Arthur, how is it going? Did you missed me?"

He saw you standing there on other side of the room.

"I think I did (YN) ... oh yes.. I did !"

"Good to hear, Arthur. I missed you, too. Its been so long."

He kept staring at the corner of the room. You were beautiful, smiling at him.

"I cant wait to touch you again, Artie. To kiss you"

Arthurs hand was still  lying on his chest, now making its way down. He felt his ribs popping out. His skinny body looking starved. He wasnt eating like he should. All the meds stopped his appetite. His hands sliding over his hollow belly, further down and stopped between his legs.

He could hear your voice from across the room.

"Touch yourself for me, Arthur. I am watching you"

He nodded and grinned at you. Then focused on his own body again.

He was in his underwear only and stuck his left hand in it.

The letters on the wall now a lighter red. Lipstick. Obviously.

"You know this is my lipstick right there" he could hear you say.

"The same lipstick I kissed you with, remember?"

He softly started to play with his dick.

"I`m ...not sure (YN) "

He closed his eyes again. He thought it was the lipstick he owned by himself back from the days when he used to put clown make up on. He was a great party clown. With a huge painted on smile. But maybe that was just a story someone told him.

"Oh sure it is mine, Arthur. And I will kiss you again  with it. Till you`re out of breath. I will smear the red all over your face"

"Yeah?" a smirk on the left side of his lips which lifted up his scar. Made him look even more attractive. His almost shoulder long, brown hair  messy pressed against the pillow.

"Sure. And I wouldnt kiss you on your lips only."

Your voice echoed through his head.

"Where else?"

"Keep on touching youself, Arthur. Its my hand doing it."

"Its your hand (YN). Yeah I....I can feel it"

He softly squeezed and caressed the part between his slender legs, biting his lips.

He imagined you, lying on top of him, petting his sweaty curls. Calling him beautiful. It was your hand between his thighs as he felt waves of lust beginning to floath allthrough his body.

He now got rid of his underwear, his gentle hands around his dick which is getting harder as he imagines you rubbing yourself against his shaking body.

"Arthur, I can feel you all the way inside of me. Pull me closer. Please Arthur! Its could be never close enough!"

His hands up and down faster now.A silent moan coming from his thin lips.

He wanted to come closer. Entering your body, wearing you like a coat that keeps him warm in this cold, dark world.

He wanted to get closer to you, so he pushed himself into you. So gently but with an  almost unbearable intensivity. Just like when he was dancing. His face expression somewhere between pain and bliss.

"Arthur. You`re everywhere"

So were you. Your voice was everywhere. It wasnt only whispering in his ear. It filled the room, echoed from the walls. Your voice was a vibration between his legs, telling him to love you till you can`t breathe anymore.

"Do you love me (YN) he whispered.

All he wanted was to be loved. To be touched. he was graving it all through his life.

All this lonelyness was laying heavy on him, like a straight jacket. Holding him back from dancing with the ones he loved.

"I love you more than anything." your voice came from the letters on the ceiling.

"You have so many different sides. And I love every single one of them"

He masturbated harder now, humming.

"I`ve been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate a poet"

Your moans echoing through his head.

"...a poet, a pawn and a king"

"No matter how many ups and downs you may have, Arthur. I will never leave your side. We are one! Can`t you feel it? We are one body, one mind"

""I`ve been up and down and over and out..."

His eyes twitching from excitement. He is breathing heavier now, his long, dark eyelashes fluttering like butterflies.

He can almost taste your tongue in his mouth. Feel your hands touching the sweaty curls in his neck.

His voice still  whispering "I have waited so long for this".

He could feel the blood pulsing in his sensitive parts.

You were the girl of his dreams.

The one he thought about in his darkest hours.

All of his sexual fantasies he wrote in his journal were written about you.

His only light in a world of white walls and darkness.

He felt  the weight of your body on his fragile pelvis.

Arthur pressed his head into the white pillows as he was about to cum.

He couldnt take it anymore.

"(YN) *moaning* Oh my god, this is just....fuck me. Please (YN). Love me!"

Red lettering  blurring his vision.

He couldnt read what it says cuz the feeling of being able to cum this hard overwhelms him.

Black out.

Melodies.

So many melodies which don`t fit to each other.

So many colors blurring his mind.

Arthur presses his hands against his ears.

The sound won`t go away.

"(YN) ? "

No answer.

His hands are touching the sheets, so he could check if he was still lying in bed.

He was. Wet sheets.

His eyes wandered across the room.

He was alone.

Arthur touched his forehead to check if he had a fever dream.

He was unsure.

His greasy curls hanging in his tired eyes.

He felt a bit ashamed while he was putting his white underwear back on.

He crawled back under the sheets which he wished smelled like him but they didnt.

Another stare to the ceiling.

Red letters.

Lipstick. Blood maybe.

Someone was knocking at the door.

"Knock knock" he said as the door opened.

"Mr. Fleck, time to wake up. Maybe you will try to eat a bit more today?! You lost some weight again"

Arthur closed his eyes.

"You came earlier and  told me I can go home now"

Dr. Finn picked up the diary from the floor.

Taking a close look through the new written pages.

"More song lyrics, huh Mr. Fleck? I am afraid you can`t go home. Its the first time I visited you today. Have you took your medication?"

"Mhhh hhmmm"

"Did you had some visions again, Mr Fleck?"

The melodies got more quitet now.

The walls looked  bright and shiney.

Even the lettering on the ceiling was gone.

All cleaned up.

He put his finger upon his lips, looking in the doctors eyes. Humming. Silently. But you could still hear the words coming out of his mouth.

"..some people get their kicks, stompin on a dream"

Arthur smiled.

THE END

[angrylizardjacket]

like flying [1] {Brian May}

A/N: Stardust AU!!! Mainly a set-up chapter. they/them, fallen star!reader, please please please let me know what you think!!

When one spends their life with their eyes trained on the sky, they tend to miss what’s right in front of them. 

Freddie says that a lot, usually when he’s up by the helm of the ship, and has just witnessed Brian, who is running across the deck trying to get the best vantage point of the sky through the clouds, run straight into John, who in fairness, is equally distracted by the impending storm.

“Could you at least warn us next time?” Brian calls over a crack of thunder.

“Being your guide dog isn’t my job.” Freddie’s glaring into the storm, a white-knuckled grip on the wheel as he prepared to whether it. John doesn’t seem too bothered by it, just picks up his scattered tools, straightens his googles, and heads towards the bow of the ship.

“What about you, ya jackal?” Brian levels a glare at where their resident Warlock had taken up residence on the banister of the quarterdeck, laughing as he watches the events unfold from his vantage point by the Captain. Roger sits with his ankles crossed, balancing with an unnatural ease, and for good reason; his favourite thing was using his magic to make it look like himself appear just that little bit better than the humans around him, irritating git. 

“You should watch where you’re going.” Is all he offers, eyes shining as he watches a crack of lightning streak across the sky.

“I’m trying to watch where we’re all going.” Brian huffs, rolling up his map and putting it in it’s holder for safekeeping. “Anyways, the storms dead ahead, you don’t need me to guide you. I’ll be down by the barrels until this is all over.” And with that he descends further into the ship to keep an eye on, and switch out the lightning barrels as they’re being filled.

From his vantage point on the gun deck, which had initially been for show, and had now been converted into the main collection point that all the lightning funnelled into, Brian could catch glimpses of the storm raging outside, and feel as it knocked the ship about. He had absolute faith in Deaky’s designs, they’d been through far worse and come out singing before, and for now he just contented himself with making sure that none of the lightning barrels overflowed, and occasionally catching a glimpse of stars through the clouds. 

There was no denying he was rather enamoured with them, at least as a concept; spending thousands of years bringing light to the world in it’s darkest hours, holding their constellations for hundred, even thousands of years, watching silently as the universe passes them by, all without complaint. There was something beautiful, artistic about the way they arranged themselves, something that made Brian feel so unbelievably small, and occasionally futile, in comparison. But their constant nature was often the only things that kept him sane aboard this ship, and so he wouldn’t begrudge the stars their shining constance, he’d just be thankful they shone at all, and kept him in a job, and ironically, kept him grounded. 

Roger joins him almost immediately after the storm passes. Brian’s carefully distilling a little of the freshest lightning into a little sample size if the buyer’s unconvinced of it’s quality, which is a tricky process involving heat-proof mittens and a weird metal hose, and Roger pulls off the lid of the barrel without a second thought. By now, Brian doesn’t even flinch; Roger’s adept at keeping the lightning contained with his magic and a flick of his wrist, and looks into the crackling metal barrel without any hesitation.

“Seems like we’ve got a good batch on our hands.” Roger tries to sound like he knows what he’s talking about, like he doesn’t say that every time because he’s a little in awe at the sight of what’s essentially bottled lightning. Brian doesn’t comment. “Well I appreciate your candor, I did do an excellent job.” Roger fills in the blanks with exactly what he wants to hear, and he steps back, stretching out his hand, and there’s a panic that rises in Brian’s chest as what appears to be an electrified serpent rises from the barrel.

“Do you have to show off like that?” Brian asks, deadpan, trying his hardest to hide the fear that the loud, electric snaps bring out in him. After a moment, he caps the sample and shuts off the little vent that he distills the lightning from before taking away the piping, while Roger rolls his eyes but obligingly shoves the lightning back into the barrel. 

As he’s capping it, his hold on the lightning slips for just a moment, and there’s a sudden burst as the not yet secured cap is torn through from his grip, rocketing faster than the eye can see up through the roof of the deck, and into the sky. Electricity bursts forth, fire blooming where the lighting hits the walls and floor in an instant, the very power of it sending both Roger and Brian to opposite ends of the room; it’s deafening, overwhelming, and it takes all of Roger’s focus to wrangle the electricity back under control.

“Spare lid!” He shouts, which Brian parrots back mockingly, looking around.

“We’ve never needed a spare lid why would we have one?!” He cries, and can hear, in the now still night air outside, Freddie cursing up a blue streak as he and Deaky come over to the newly formed hole in the floor of the deck to investigate. 

“Because it’s better to be safe than sorry!” Roger retorts, and suddenly there’s a pair of goggles looking down at them, Deaky, alongside their incredibly annoyed Captain.

“What the blood hell has happened?”

“Roger-” Brian tried to explain as he was putting out fires across the room, but he was cut off.

“We need a spare lid for this batch, okay? I’ll explain after.” Roger insisted, much to both Freddie and Brian’s chagrin.

“We don’t have a spare lid.” Deaky responded, and his face disappeared from the hole where they had been looking in. Freddie’s gaze turns skyward, as if trying to see if the lid was falling back to Earth, though he seemed transfixed.

“Ha! I told you!” Brian cried, and Roger rolled his eyes, as Deaky showed up at the door a few moments later, pulling various items from his tool belt as he set about making a make-shift lid.

“It won’t hold forever.” Deaky explained, “and we can’t sell this batch, I’ve basically just welded a metal plate to the top, and added some insulator. We need to get a new lid.” Roger relaxed, the sudden exertion and overuse of his powers hitting him all at once, though they all jumped when he let go of his hold of the electricity and it crashed threateningly at the new lid.

“How long do we have?” Roger asks, arms crossed as he puts out an on-fire chair with a wave of his hand before collapsing into it. Brian wants to make a snarky remark, but he’s too busy putting out fires of his own, and even at a glance Roger looks like he’s death standing, or sitting as the case may be; either way he’s at his limit. 

“A few days, maybe? I did the best I could given,” and he waves his hand around the ashy room and scattered supplies, “but those lids are specially designed.” And after stamping out a fire by the door, he takes off his goggles. “Worst comes to worst, I can crack the lid and we can chuck it overboard; it’ll come loose in the air and won’t be our problem.” 

“And waste a perfectly good barrel? I don’t think so, dear; we’re going to get our lid.” Freddie sounds so confident that it’s a little unnerving, and he’s still looking at the sky. Brian peers up through the hole and tries to follow his gaze.

“How do you even know where it is?” He asked, and Freddie turned with a bright smile, pointing at light in the sky growing steadily brighter at an alarming rate.

“Because it hit a star, and we can watch where it falls.”

The thing about you is that you adored humanity, you just never understood them. You’d always been so caught up in their day-to-day intricacies that you’d never been bored watching empires come and go, or see history repeat itself over and over again. Each little era brought something new, something to shake up the routine, and everyone’s personal lives, and sometimes you were even able to catch a glimpse of love. That was your favourite thing to watch, the way people would fall in love time and time again, and there’s little patterns, people drawn to one another, sometimes you feel as if you’re watching the same souls come back to each other over and over again. If you liked to fantasize about being one of those souls, you would never say anything to the others who shine beside you, bored with the ebb and flow with time that seemed to change little with each passing eon. 

You knew, objectively, that there were people who looked up at you, who even perhaps loved you, but it wasn’t the same, you couldn’t tell them you loved them in the same way, and after all, you liked it where you were, free from the fear of having your heart eaten like you’d seen happen to your brothers and sisters before, free from the fear of rejection; humans tend to like humans, and you knew if given half a chance you’d want to act out your little fantasy. But it wouldn’t come true; even people who looked up at the stars learned to love something on the ground, you’d seen it happen too many times. 

You were secure where you were, one of the brightest shining stars in the sky, glowing as you delighted in the antics of the people below you, and you never thought that would have to change. 

Until what seems to be a metal plate smacks you in the chest, winding you and knocking you from your perch in the sky. You weren’t even able to cry for help as you crash through the atmosphere. Fear has a stranglehold on your whole body, all you can do is clutch the metal to your chest as the ground approaches, and part of you, in hindsight, will be glad that you passed out before you hit the ground.

deadly viper assassination squad: @strangeandwonderfulconcepts @thatgeekspeak @some-back-ground-noise @ma-ntequilla @d-r-e-a-m-catchme @legendsaresooftenwarnings​ @phantom-fangirl-stuff @obsessedwithrogertaylor​ @cosmicsskies​ @sam-writes​ @queen-mischief-fanfiction​

(i just tagged everyone who expressed interest; tag list is always open, feel free to message me or comment on the fic and i’ll add you xx)