is this real ?!?!1??????????
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Survivor's Guilt
For the second time in his life, Team is pulled out of the pool after almost dying. For the second time in his life, he's screamed at for drowning, for nearly dying, for doing something wrong.
And it's his fault again, all over again. His fault for swimming without permission, his fault for drowning, his fault for needing Win to save him just like how he needed his brother to do the same all those years ago because after all this time he still hasn't learnt how to save himself, still hasn't learnt how to stop upsetting the people who love him and it's no wonder Win is so angry with him, no wonder Win raises a fist at him just like how his mother raged at him for killing her son and of course he should be beaten, of course he deserves to never be forgiven because like his mother said he should have been the one to die and he's sorry, Team's sorry, he's so, so sorry, Hia, Hia please-
But this time Hia embraces him.
This time Hia cries for him.
This time Hia tells him to never, ever do that again because I can't lose you, Team-
And Team realizes that this time, the anger carries worry, not condemnation. This time, he is cared for, he is wanted, and it's okay that he survived.
This time, Team can finally return the embrace, and when he cries, he cries for the both of them.
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WAIT Elle has box braids in s3??? I could cry
I don't think she had bad hair in s1 or s2, but I'm excited that they're actually giving the Black girls Black hairstyles instead of having them wear it out.
Before, it felt like the (all-white, for context) hair department was just ignorant about Black hair, so they put wigs on the Black actresses and only did styles that also work on nonblack hair for their own sake/convenience. This theory was especially supported by the fact that Tara, whose 4c hair couldn't really be styled the same as nonblack hair, wore a twistout that would take literal hours to do every day, but she had box braids in s2! and Elle has box braids now!! I'm so excited!!!
I also feel like this fits her bold, fashion-loving personality so much better than leaving her hair out. Our hair is basically its own accessory, and the long box braids are very feminine. Again, I'm not saying not having a protective style isn't feminine or fashionable (I myself am a fashion girlie with an Afro), but having one is another outlet for her creativity, and I'm glad they're recognizing that now.
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okay I am soooo fucking tired of the whole "how old are you?" "Oh I'm nineteen. Twenty in a couple months." "Aww you're a BABY!"
Happens every single time and it drives me up the wall. I am not a goddamn child, I am an adult and a professional and I'm tired of people devaluing me like this
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Idk how me, a broad and chubby woman from a long line of broad and chubby women, and my husband, an average-height man from long lines of very tiny women and very average men, managed to produce a child so exceptionally tall, long, & lean that she can't wear store-bought clothes anymore without alteration. Yet here I am, dusting off a sewing machine I barely know how to operate....
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something about kageyama tobio being nineteen on the national team fresh out of high school and facing the whole world makes my heart ache.
it was everything he ever could have wanted. it was everything he ever did want, once. once kageyama tobio wanted to fly beyond the mountains he called home and soar into distant lands. once he wanted to climb to the top of the world until he was so high up that the sun and the moon and the stars were nothing but ants compared to him. once kageyama tobio wanted to do all these things alone — except he wouldn't be, not really, because he had someone who loved him and understood him and that was enough to shoulder a dream that blazed so bright it could burn him from the inside out with a single misstep.
and then kazuyo died and everything came crashing down like a satellite falling out of orbit, and the only thing tobio really wanted then was to heal from a heart full of broken glass.
at nineteen, he joins the national team. at nineteen, he plays at the olympics in brazil. at nineteen, kageyama tobio has everything he ever could have wanted, has everything he ever did want, once, but -
there are pieces of him missing, tobio thinks, a piece inside every single person who had taught him what it meant to love something so deeply it settles in your bones. there is a piece of him inside every single person who gave him a hand up out of the dark and pulled him onto steady ground. there are pieces of him that his new teammates will never know, will never understand, will never be able to put together and get the whole picture of who kageyama tobio is and why he seems so lonely when he is not alone, because kageyama tobio may be older and wiser and will not break so easily the way he did at the fragile age of fifteen, but there is NOTHING that can ease the ache of wanting the people he called home
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ppl, especially low/no-empathy ppl, who talk to ableist anti-pd cluster b abuse believers with the upmost patience & understanding are so crazy (/pos) for that because what
how do y'all sit there and level w/ them just. so much.
i know it's kind of necessary bcs even if they don't listen to us anyways, they're only gonna think we're 10× worse if we don't walk them through the spiel w/ hands held (which we're not even owed to do anyways) but like i can hardly see myself doing it
so like
respect
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